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"     I have a client who gets up at 5:30 a.m. every day. By the time she gets home from work, she&amp;#039;s devoted 13 hours to getting ready for work, working, and returning from work. The rest of her day might include extracurricular activities for the kids, grocery shopping, household chores, parent-teacher meetings, social engagements, and more. Not to mention trying to prioritize her relationship with her new fianc\u00E9. She wants to keep things running smoothly, to look like she&amp;#039;s got it all together all the time. Any of that sound familiar? Any of that sound exhausting? I get it. We all feel the pressure to do more, volunteer more, and simply be more. But if there&amp;#039;s one thing I&amp;#039;ve learned through my work as a life coach, psychologist, and consultant, it&amp;#039;s that taking care of everyone except you sucks. And, until we learn to create a more loving relationship with ourselves, we&amp;#039;ll just keep putting their needs before our own. We hear the phrase &amp;quot;self-love&amp;quot; a lot these days. So we&amp;#039;re aware that it&amp;#039;s a thing. But it&amp;#039;s not really about self-love. It&amp;#039;s about Self-Love. There are two parts of you: the Self, the person who goes through your day-to-day, and the You, the being that watches your process. The relationship between these two entities is the most intimate one in which you&amp;#039;ll ever be involved. In order to nurture that relationship, I encourage my clients to let the You take the lead, guiding and caring for the Self. You feed the Self. You tell the Self when to go to bed. You decide if the Self should accept that brunch invitation or stay home. You become your own coach, therapist, and caregiver. Once you shift your thinking, you&amp;#039;ll begin to realize that you have a real say in how much work and how many obligations you take on. That means setting your priorities. Each time someone makes a request that doesn&amp;#039;t fit\u2014say, taking charge of your cousin&amp;#039;s baby shower or devising the soccer carpool schedule\u2014remind yourself that it&amp;#039;s not a matter of life or death. You can say yes or no based on what&amp;#039;s important to you, not simply because you&amp;#039;ll feel guilty one way or the other. Remember my early-bird client? She admitted that no one requires her to get to work as early as she does. When we began working together, she was relying on Xanax more than she&amp;#039;d like to, and her sober sponsor was encouraging her to attend AA meetings. But I told her that in addition to seeking treatment, she could also try making more time for herself. So my big, radical treatment plan started with, &amp;quot;Sleep until 7,&amp;quot; a huge revelation for her. From there, we looked at everything else on her to-do list, and asked, &amp;quot;What would be least painful for you to cut out?&amp;quot; She had volunteered to chaperone her child&amp;#039;s upcoming field trip, but was exhausted. The solution? She asked another parent to cover the field trip for her. I suggested she not explain, just ask. Bingo! Instant downtime. Another issue: This client routinely works way more than 40 hours each week, and it&amp;#039;s running her down. So, I encouraged her to let her superiors know that, going forward, she was only available to work those 40 hours. Again, my directions included, &amp;quot;Don&amp;#039;t explain. Stop talking after that. Don&amp;#039;t say what you&amp;#039;re not available for or why. It&amp;#039;s not relevant.&amp;quot; Before taking these simple steps to become the leader of her own life and self-care, she was treating each request unnecessarily seriously. Now, she&amp;#039;s learned to recognize when she&amp;#039;s putting undue pressure on herself. In our last session together, she said, &amp;quot;This is amazing!&amp;quot; I told her, &amp;quot;I know. Work less. Who would have thought?&amp;quot; She has connected to the fact that she is the leader in her life and her Self-Love relationship. Now that she treats her Self as a being that needs love, care, and guidance, she&amp;#039;s able to slow down and enjoy herself. We all feel pressure to do and be more. But it&amp;#039;s up to us to recognize which versions of &amp;quot;more&amp;quot; are right for us, and how to lead ourselves to a deeper version of Self-Love. Dr. Tracy Thomas is a psychologist who works with top executives, leaders, and celebrities. Her approach includes a unique hormonal evaluation to uncover rarely-detected, hidden imbalances that are obstacles to optimal wellness and success. Want to start existing with greater ease and enjoyment? Get Dr. Tracy&amp;#039;s free report, &amp;quot;Enjoy Existing: Mindset Shifts for Every Day&amp;quot; by clicking here. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/body/news/a18384/how-to-self-love/>