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"  You just got the news: Your friend is tying the knot for the second\u2014or even third\u2014time. And while it&amp;#039;s a joyful occasion, it&amp;#039;s not free of complications, says relationship expert April Masini. So some of your comments can hit a sore spot, even when that&amp;#039;s not your intention. &amp;quot;If your pal has found Mr. Right, there&amp;#039;s no reason to make her feel bad by quoting gloomy second marriage statistics to her, for instance,&amp;quot; says Masini. &amp;quot;She&amp;#039;s probably nervous as it is, even if she doesn&amp;#039;t show it.&amp;quot; That&amp;#039;s why she needs you to be supportive\u2014and stay away from the following remarks: 1. &amp;quot;Wow, so soon?&amp;quot; Even if the ink is barely dry on your pal&amp;#039;s divorce papers, questioning her timing is a major no-no. &amp;quot;It makes it sound like you think your friend is getting married without thinking it through or taking the time to analyze the relationship carefully,&amp;quot; says Terri Orbuch, PhD, author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship. Better to stick with a neutral, open-ended comment, such as, &amp;quot;Congratulations! If you ever want to talk about anything, just let me know,&amp;quot; suggests Dr. Orbuch. 2. &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re not having a big wedding/wearing white, are you?&amp;quot; Janie*, who runs a small business in Pittsburgh, PA, was taken aback when a friend questioned her decision to have a full-blown, catered wedding reception for her marriage to second husband John*. &amp;quot;She implied that, as a repeat bride, I didn&amp;#039;t deserve hors d&amp;#039;oeuvres and a big cake,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;It felt judgmental and petty.&amp;quot; Once upon a time, second weddings were low-key affairs and only virgins wore white\u2014but social mores have (thankfully) relaxed since then. A better approach: &amp;quot;I can&amp;#039;t wait to hear all the details about the wedding and what your dress looks like!&amp;quot; suggests Dr. Orbuch. 3. &amp;quot;How is your ex with all this?&amp;quot; &amp;quot;It made me squirm every time someone brought up my ex or my former in-laws,&amp;quot; says recent bride Tanya* of Cincinnati, OH. &amp;quot;I wanted to say, &amp;#039;Hey, I&amp;#039;m the one getting married here!&amp;#039;&amp;quot; Whether they&amp;#039;re on good terms or not, talking about your friend&amp;#039;s ex is definitely off limits. &amp;quot;There&amp;#039;s no way to ask about him and not come across as a gossip,&amp;quot; says etiquette expert Melissa Leonard. The exception: If your pal initiates a conversation about her friendly relationship with the former hubby, it&amp;#039;s OK to say something like: &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m sure Seth is happy for you both,&amp;quot; and leave it at that, says Leonard.  4. &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re getting a pre-nup, right?&amp;quot; Unless you double as your friend&amp;#039;s financial advisor or attorney, legal advice will likely be met with a cold shoulder\u2014for good reason. &amp;quot;A comment about a pre-nup implies the marriage won&amp;#039;t last,&amp;quot; says Masini. &amp;quot;Weddings are about good will and happiness, so this isn&amp;#039;t the time to express any sort of doubt.&amp;quot; A smarter choice of words: &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m wishing you all the best in health, happiness and success.&amp;quot;  5. &amp;quot;Oh, I remember the flowers/music/food at your first wedding. So lovely!&amp;quot;  At lunch one day, Janie&amp;#039;s longtime pal surprised her by going on and on about Janie&amp;#039;s first wedding. &amp;quot;This woman raved about the flowers, the cake, the music,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;It never occurred to her that I didn&amp;#039;t want to relive my first wedding when I was planning my second.&amp;quot; Even if you&amp;#039;re merely complimenting her, it&amp;#039;s not a good idea to dredge up the past\u2014especially when you have no idea what&amp;#039;s painful and what&amp;#039;s not, says Leonard. A safer and still-flattering remark, she says: &amp;quot;You have such great taste. I&amp;#039;m sure your wedding will be beautiful!&amp;quot; 6. &amp;quot;Can you re-use your old wedding ring?&amp;quot; That piece of jewelry is often the most personal, meaningful token from a marriage, and bringing up the whereabouts of the old one is thoughtless. &amp;quot;You have no idea whether she returned it to her ex or sold it to help pay bills,&amp;quot; says Leonard. &amp;quot;She may not want anyone to know, and there&amp;#039;s no polite way to ask.&amp;quot; Instead, admire her beautiful new ring once it&amp;#039;s on her finger\u2014without making any comparisons.  7. &amp;quot;Are you pregnant?&amp;quot; This is the mother of all inappropriate comments to a second-time bride-to-be. &amp;quot;This assumes that the only reason your friend would get married is because she feels obligated to,&amp;quot; says Dr. Orbuch. Even if you&amp;#039;re absolutely sure she&amp;#039;s expecting, steer clear with a vague, positive comment like, &amp;quot;Congrats on getting married. I&amp;#039;m excited to hear about everything!&amp;quot; which leaves her free to tell you as much\u2014or as little\u2014as she&amp;#039;d like. 8. &amp;quot;Who&amp;#039;s paying this time?&amp;quot; Unless your friend is asking you to foot the bill, money matters aren&amp;#039;t up for discussion. &amp;quot;My old college roommate actually said, &amp;#039;I suppose you&amp;#039;re having a smaller wedding since you&amp;#039;re paying for it yourself this time,&amp;#039;&amp;quot; says Tanya. &amp;quot;I was speechless!&amp;quot; Money is always a sensitive issue, Dr. Orbuch notes: &amp;quot;Asking who&amp;#039;s paying points out\u2014in a negative way\u2014that she spent a lot of money before, and the marriage didn&amp;#039;t work out.&amp;quot; Focus on the event itself, not the price tag: &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m looking forward to hearing all about the reception!&amp;quot; 9. &amp;quot;Didn&amp;#039;t you say you&amp;#039;d never get married again?&amp;quot; In a late-night gab fest a few years ago, your friend swore she was so over marriage\u2014so over men, in fact\u2014that she&amp;#039;d never, ever walk down the aisle again. But guess what: She met someone who changed her mind. Why throw her words back at her? &amp;quot;You may think you&amp;#039;re being the voice of reason, but keep in mind that it&amp;#039;s her life to live,&amp;quot; says Masini. Keep your recollections to yourself (chances are, she remembers saying those words, too!) and substitute something like: &amp;quot;I knew you&amp;#039;d find the right guy someday!&amp;quot; 10. &amp;quot;Are you allowed to get married in a church?&amp;quot; Many denominations frown on second marriages, but chances are a devout friend already knows that. &amp;quot;Reminding the bride that her church may not give their blessing can be like rubbing salt in an open wound,&amp;quot; says Leonard. Instead of insensitive probing, stick to innocuous questions like, &amp;quot;What venues are you looking at?&amp;quot; or &amp;quot;Where do you plan on holding the ceremony?&amp;quot; After her response, stick to the positives.  *Names have been changed "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.womansday.com/relationships/family-friends/tips/a6657/second-wedding-etiquette/>