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" It was the last thing I wanted to do, but I e-mailed Josh yesterday and asked him if I could come into the office and talk to him.  Any time tomorrow that works for you would be great\u2026please let me know what would be best for you.  -Liz I also told him in the e-mail that the discussion I needed to have was work-related \u2014 not about Lili. I wanted to be clear on that \u2014 and even the fact that I had to do that, that I had to explain why I wanted to see him, reaffirmed for me that the line between church and state (so to speak) had gotten badly erased. It made it clear to me that I was 100 percent right, and doing the right thing by severing our working relationship.  Josh didn&amp;#039;t get back to me himself, but he had his secretary call and tell me that he could see me at noon. I thought that contacting me through her was a bit of a weird move, but I tried not to think too much about it \u2014 she was the one who kept his schedule after all.  And he had sent me an e-mail, earlier in the week, about us having brunch together on Sunday \u2014 with Lili. I had written back to that, immediately, and said that I would love to.  But almost as soon as I got to his office, I found out that I was right to be concerned. He was being strange from the second I walked in the door. More than strange. First of all, he looked absolutely exhausted \u2014 huge circles under his eyes, and a three-day-old beard. His shirt was slightly wrinkled and his hair was messy. I had never seen him look so terrible \u2014 especially in a work setting. I hardly recognized him.  Second of all, he was being cold and distant toward me. He barely said hello, offering only a tight smile when I walked in and sat down. He was on a phone call and it took him several minutes to end it, as though I wasn&amp;#039;t even there.  When he finally got off, he started making notes on his legal pad.  &amp;quot;We are going to have to make this quick,&amp;quot; he said. &amp;quot;I have a lunch.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Okay.&amp;quot; I said, and cleared my throat. I tried to remember the script I had written for myself, so that I didn&amp;#039;t get tripped up. Or, more accurately: so he didn&amp;#039;t trip me up with his odd behavior.  &amp;quot;I just wanted to officially offer you my letter of resignation, Josh,&amp;quot; I said.  Then I reached into my pocket and took out the legal envelope, my letter folded carefully inside.  &amp;quot;Can I ask why?&amp;quot; he said.  &amp;quot;Well, there are several reasons,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;But, primarily, I have a new job opportunity that I am very excited about. It was the right time for me to make the move and to challenge myself in a new way.&amp;quot;  I had discussed this with Sam, and we decided that the best thing to do was stay neutral about the personal situation. It was too unpredictable to know how he would take anything, especially recently.  &amp;quot;Fine, whatever. Go ahead.&amp;quot; He put the letter down on his desk, without even looking at it.  I was completely confused by his tone. &amp;quot;Josh\u2026if you want to discuss this in greater detail, I&amp;#039;d be glad to do that. I definitely don&amp;#039;t want there to be bad feelings here. We have had a mutually beneficial working relationship. I just think it is time to go our own ways.&amp;quot;  He looked up at me, drilling me with his eyes. &amp;quot;You think I care, Liz? You think I give a damn about any of this? Do what you want. You&amp;#039;ve ruined everything for me anyway.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;What are you talking about?&amp;quot; I said.  &amp;quot;Alex left.&amp;quot;  My eyes opened wide. &amp;quot;What?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;She is convinced something is happening with us. She checks my e-mail. She checks my phone. And she freaks out when there is a message from you. The only way she would stay is if I promised not to speak to you anymore. I told her that wasn&amp;#039;t possible. You were my daughter&amp;#039;s mother. But she wouldn&amp;#039;t hear it. Every time I call you, she thinks that I am planning some affair with you.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Josh, that&amp;#039;s crazy.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;No kidding. But that is totally unhelpful, isn&amp;#039;t it? You being in my life means the end of my marriage. Crazy or not, that is the case.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Josh, I&amp;#039;m so sorry.&amp;quot; I chose my words carefully. I reminded myself I was talking to Lili&amp;#039;s father, and wanted to preserve that for her, the best that I could. &amp;quot;That is terrible beyond words. And I really am sorry. At the same time, I am not sure how any of that is my fault. Alex clearly just has a confused understanding as to what is going on with us. But I haven&amp;#039;t done anything to encourage that understanding. I hope when things calm down, you&amp;#039;ll remember that.&amp;quot;  I stood up to leave, but he started talking again.  &amp;quot;So what do I do?&amp;quot; he said.  I turned back around. He looked stricken. &amp;quot;Excuse me?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;What do you suggest that I do? I can&amp;#039;t reach her. I don&amp;#039;t know where she is.&amp;quot; His throat caught. &amp;quot;I can&amp;#039;t lose her, Liz. Please, if you were her, tell me what you&amp;#039;d want me to do.&amp;quot;  I took a deep breath, trying to think of the best way to answer. I wanted to say: I would never be her! But that didn&amp;#039;t seem like the right thing to say in that moment. In fact, nothing did.  &amp;quot;Josh, with how you are feeling right now, I&amp;#039;m not sure I&amp;#039;m the best person to be helpful to you.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Why? Is Alex is right?&amp;quot; he said.  &amp;quot;Right about what?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Do you want us to fail? I told her she was being crazy, but\u2026&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Josh, of course not. But I can&amp;#039;t talk to you when you are in this space. You aren&amp;#039;t making a whole lot of sense,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;You can feel free to call me when you calm down.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re right.&amp;quot; He shook his head, rubbing at his eyes. &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m sorry. I really am, Liz. I&amp;#039;m just so sad. And exhausted. I&amp;#039;ve never been this sad and exhausted. You know what I mean?&amp;quot;  I gave him a sad smile. He gave me one himself, meeting my eyes, and for the first time since I walked into the room, he seemed like a version of himself I could recognize.  &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;ll be fine. You should go,&amp;quot; he said. &amp;quot;But thank you for your letter. I&amp;#039;ll send it over to human resources and we&amp;#039;ll begin your exit paperwork. And I&amp;#039;ll give you a call over the weekend? We can still take Lili to brunch on Sunday, like we discussed? Does that sound good? I&amp;#039;ll pull it together by then.&amp;quot;  I nodded. &amp;quot;Sounds good.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Good.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Liz?&amp;quot; he said.  &amp;quot;Yes?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m sorry,&amp;quot; he said. &amp;quot;And we&amp;#039;ll miss you around here.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Thanks,&amp;quot; I said.  I closed the door behind myself, and left. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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