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"   Jo Usmar wants to know if selective memory loss is the key to reaching your 40th wedding anniversary... As I mentioned last week, I&amp;#039;m in Woodstock, New York, wearing cowboy boots, practising saying &amp;#039;dawg&amp;#039; instead of &amp;#039;dog&amp;#039; and eating burritos that weigh more than my head. (And my head weighs A LOT.) I&amp;#039;m out here with my boyfriend to visit some of his family (he used to live here) and friends.  We went to a big BBQ yesterday (all BBQs in America are big) which was crammed with about 40 people whose ages varied from 19 months to 89 years and included many couples that had been together for well over 40 years. And when I say that, I don&amp;#039;t mean that they were in their 70s \u2013 they were around 60ish, meaning they were childhood sweethearts and got hitched in their late teens or early 20s.  Of course that isn&amp;#039;t hugely unusual in people of that particular generation, nor is it unusual in people that were born and bought up in a smallish rural village, but I still find it AMAZING. As I mentioned in a previous blog I&amp;#039;m a bit obsessed with old couples \u2013 but I&amp;#039;m also obsessed with couples that aren&amp;#039;t old, but have just been together for yonks. At the BBQ these couples that worshipped at Janis Joplin&amp;#039;s feet together at the original Woodstock festival in 1969 weren&amp;#039;t all sitting around studiously ignoring each other or throwing their keys joyously into a swingers bowl hoping for a glorious escape. They all seemed to not only genuinely like each other, butalso still really fancy each other. Is there something in the Woodstock water (peace and love liquefied) or is not killing each other much simpler than we realise? Now, don&amp;#039;t get too excited, but I think at this BBQ I found the answer. I know what makes a happy long lasting relationship: memory guff. At the BBQ my boyfriend reminded a man about how he visited his and his wife&amp;#039;s house when he was about 10 years old. His abiding memory of the trip \u2013 and of his entire youth \u2013 is of watching through the banisters as the man stepped barefoot into a massive pile of dog poo in the corridor.  My boyfriend said that he&amp;#039;d never seen a man so angry in his life and trying to stifle his guffaws nearly gave him a hernia. The man remembered and shouted, &amp;quot;I never wanted that flaming dog in the first place. I WAS SO ANGRY. I always said, &amp;#039;We&amp;#039;re never ever getting a dog. Ever.&amp;#039; And what happens? I come home one day to this MONSTER dog that drools and shits everywhere and that nobody else looks after but me. &amp;#039;Oh sure, dad, we&amp;#039;ll walk the dog&amp;#039; everyone said, but did they? Did they hell. I had to walk that horrible dog every day for years and how does it repay me? By crapping on the floor. And Laura [his wife] always has a good dose of memory guff whenever she talks about it. &amp;#039;Ooh, remember Max? Wasn&amp;#039;t he lovely? I used to look after him all the time.&amp;#039; No she didn&amp;#039;t! She didn&amp;#039;t do anything! No one did! I did EVERYTHING.&amp;quot; And then he laughed, a lot. Memory guff: when your recollection of an event has absolutely no basis in reality. How brilliant is this? We all have bouts of memory guff. &amp;quot;I definitely and absolutely 100% remember turning off my hair straighteners, this house fire has nothing to do with me&amp;quot; / &amp;quot;I never smashed your glasses, you did, remember?&amp;quot; / &amp;quot;I absolutely didn&amp;#039;t do four Sambuca shots in a row while dancing on the coffee table&amp;quot;. It&amp;#039;s clearly the only way to get through a long term relationship unscathed. Andyou&amp;#039;re both complicit in it as you both do it, so as long as you allow your boyfriend or girlfriend their fair share of memory guff you&amp;#039;ll muddle along just fine. And for more of this and all sorts of other guff follow me on Twitter - @jousmar WHY WOMEN ARE STILL BLAMED FOR MEN CHEATING WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU FORGET YOUR BOYFRIEND? WHY THROWING UP ALL OVER HIS SHOES IS THE TRUE TEST OF LOVE "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/love-sex/sex/a1740/is-memory-guff-the-key-to-a-long-lasting-relationship/>