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" Chances are you know a drama queen. She could be anyone: your sister, your coworker, even a close friend. Whatever her role, she&amp;#039;s the one who demands constant attention, who sucks all the air out of a room and saps your energy more quickly than a session on the StairMaster. She&amp;#039;s also the one who always overreacts, insisting that a simple paper cut requires a trip to the ER. When confronted with the smallest setback \u2014 she can&amp;#039;t find a parking space or gets a run in her stocking \u2014 she moans grandly and gasps, &amp;quot;This isn&amp;#039;t happening to me.&amp;quot; Margo,* head of an online business in Chicago, was this kind of person, creating drama wherever she went. And it was a nightmare for her employees. &amp;quot;When Margo got excited,&amp;quot; says her former assistant, Cary, &amp;quot;she&amp;#039;d fling her arms around. Something good would happen \u2014 like we&amp;#039;d find a cheap flight for a business trip \u2014 and she&amp;#039;d scream and twirl around the office.&amp;quot; That was the signal for Cary to pop out of her chair and pirouette around too. Cary also had to listen to Margo&amp;#039;s personal problems, serve as her counselor, and analyze her dreams. &amp;quot;Eventually, I had to quit because it got to be just too much,&amp;quot; Cary says. &amp;quot;Margo was really taking a toll on me.&amp;quot;  Well, yes, a drama queen has a way of doing that. She likes to make scenes; to her, all the world&amp;#039;s a stage, and she&amp;#039;s the brilliant star. Of course, we can all get a little theatrical from time to time. The prospect of a root canal \u2014 or eight people coming over for dinner \u2014 can easily trigger any woman&amp;#039;s inner diva. But there&amp;#039;s a difference between those who make an occasional, understandable fuss and those who have what psychologists call affect dysregulation.  &amp;quot;Very emotional people react more quickly than other people; then the reaction is bigger, and they have a harder time de-escalating,&amp;quot; explains Denise Ben-Porath, Ph.D., an assistant professor of psychology at John Carroll University in Cleveland. In other words, something that others may view as a little sad or upsetting will have the drama queen sobbing; a canceled dinner date will make her fret for days.  What&amp;#039;s more, drama queens pick up on subtle emotional cues that other people may miss, notes Lisa Feldman Barrett, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Boston College. Barrett conducted a study in which she asked participants to look at images of people with neutral facial expressions; those neutral expressions then slowly morphed into full-blown emotional expressions. Drama queens \u2014 people who said they experience their own intense ups and downs on a day-to-day basis \u2014 were more likely than others to detect subtle emotional shifts. Translation: Drama queens are in tune not only with their own emotions but with other people&amp;#039;s as well.  Why the roller coaster? &amp;quot;We&amp;#039;re all big billboards, advertising who we are,&amp;quot; says Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D. &amp;quot;Some people display with slinky clothes. Others display by being a drama queen to get the things they need: sympathy and love.&amp;quot; Even quiet people display, though they may act out in different ways (using long words to show how smart they are, for example). While the drama queen demands attention, her need to be noticed may disguise a feeling of inadequacy. In other words, she may use theatrics in the same way a magician uses sleight of hand: to distract her audience. She thinks that if you get to know her, she&amp;#039;ll be unmasked, exposed as uninteresting. At the same time, &amp;quot;no one who&amp;#039;s a drama queen seriously thinks of herself that way,&amp;quot; says Arlene Kagle, Ph.D., a psychologist in private practice in New York City. &amp;quot;They think that how they react is either normal or justifiable.&amp;quot; I&amp;#039;m reminded here of my friend Donna, who confided to me \u2014 and everyone else at Starbucks \u2014 that she was sure her husband was having an affair. Why? Because he hadn&amp;#039;t held her hand at the movies the other night.  Dealing with a diva So what do you do when you have a drama queen in your life? If running as fast as you possibly can in the other direction isn&amp;#039;t an option \u2014 and with someone like your boss, it&amp;#039;s not recommended \u2014 try these tips from Judith Orloff, M.D., an assistant professor of psychiatry at UCLA. 1. Never ask a drama queen how she&amp;#039;s feeling. She&amp;#039;s bound to have a crisis brewing, so don&amp;#039;t even go there. &amp;quot;Her antics can wipe you out,&amp;quot; says Dr. Orloff. Especially with the drama queens you work with, keep your conversations as professional as possible, and send the message that your job is your top priority. 2. Set limits \u2014 then stick to them. When your friend calls to discuss the drama of the day, tell her you have only ten minutes to talk: &amp;quot;Say &amp;#039;I&amp;#039;m sorry this is happening. I love you, and I know you&amp;#039;re stressed. Here&amp;#039;s what I think, but then I have to go,&amp;#039;&amp;quot; suggests Dr. Orloff. If she knows you won&amp;#039;t humor her outsize demands, she may stop making them \u2014 or she&amp;#039;ll learn to look elsewhere. 3. Take a slow breath and center yourself when you sense her revving up. &amp;quot;An energy vampire succeeds only if she jangles you; if you stay calm, she&amp;#039;ll go on to another victim,&amp;quot; says Dr. Orloff. When the drama queen is your mother-in-law or your coworker \u2014 someone you absolutely can&amp;#039;t escape \u2014 remembering to take long, deep breaths can be your secret stay-sane strategy. Finally, try to appreciate her if you can. Most likely, she&amp;#039;s entertaining to be around. And that&amp;#039;s the thing: Having a relationship with a drama queen is like landing a front-row seat at a soap opera; someone else does the emotional labor \u2014 and you get to sit back and enjoy the show. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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