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"  When you hear the term &amp;quot;pickup artists,&amp;quot; what\u2014or who\u2014do you envision? If you&amp;#039;re anything like me, you think of men: Slithery, sexist men banded together to forge underground alliances of high-fiving bros, with the solitary shared goal of bedding women. But thankfully, pickup artistry is beginning to broaden beyond the boys&amp;#039; club. Leading the female-PUA pack is Arden Leigh, a Las Vegas-by-way-of-NYC &amp;quot;seduction siren&amp;quot; and author of The New Rules of Seduction. With her perfectly winged black eyeliner and penchant for PUA strategy-speak like &amp;quot;attraction switches,&amp;quot; &amp;quot;social proof,&amp;quot; and &amp;quot;opening the set,&amp;quot; Leigh is turning the pickup game on its head by translating it into a proactive approach that women can use to shamelessly chase what they want. Related: Tips on Taking Your Tinder Game to the Next Level\u2014Straight from the App&amp;#039;s VP, Whitney Wolfe We asked Leigh, London-based pickup coach Kezia Noble, and NYC&amp;#039;s &amp;quot;guru of all things love&amp;quot; Amy Van Doran for a few of their best tips on, yes, picking up men. Keep in mind\u2014this isn&amp;#039;t about desperation or cheap sex. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s not about finding men to sleep with,&amp;quot; Leigh says before qualifying, &amp;quot;though if that&amp;#039;s a woman&amp;#039;s goal, I support her in that.&amp;quot; Rather, it&amp;#039;s about &amp;quot;getting out, meeting people, increasing your numbers, and building a better social life for yourself.&amp;quot; Related:  Ask E. Jean: If 2,000 Times You Don&amp;#039;t Succeed...Text Another 1. GO SHOPPING. Add this to the sad-but-true files: &amp;quot;Men who are in relationships usually don&amp;#039;t bother with grocery shopping,&amp;quot; Kezia Noble notes. What does this means? Your next fling might be no further than the Whole Foods&amp;#039; dairy aisle. Same goes for men who are clothes-shopping. &amp;quot;If they go clothes-shopping, nine times out of 10 their girlfriends [are] with them, so look out for men shopping on their own\u2014this is a good way to see if they&amp;#039;re single,&amp;quot; she explains. (Other top spots to scout for men are gyms, museums, and libraries.) For her part, Arden Leigh recommends doing things in groups and having a &amp;quot;fulfilling social circle.&amp;quot; She suggests joining &amp;quot;a running club, chess club, or philosophy meetup; wherever you think you&amp;#039;ll find people with similar interests. 2. MAKE SURE YOUR EXTERNALS MATCH YOUR INTERNALS. By now we all know that looks aren&amp;#039;t everything (right?). But your physical appearance and the way you dress convey messages about what&amp;#039;s important to you\u2014including what kind of partner you&amp;#039;re potentially looking for. &amp;quot;Knowing your type is important,&amp;quot; Amy Van Doran says. &amp;quot;Dress to what your taste is; make sure your external marketing matches your internal marketing.&amp;quot; With her trademark shock of red hair, Van Doran suggests wearing things that grab attention and serve as an automatic ice-breaker. 3. EYE CONTACT IS EVERYTHING. Noble suggests distinctly making eye contact if you spot a man you&amp;#039;re interested in: &amp;quot;Women need to remember that behind all that cocky banter, men are actually incredibly frightened of women.&amp;quot; Initiating eye contact can help give the poor fellow a little courage. 4. SO ... TO APPROACH OR NOT TO APPROACH? Imagine you&amp;#039;re knee-deep in Barnes &amp;amp;amp; Noble&amp;#039;s magazine racks when you spot a fetching artist type sipping his latte across the aisle. You&amp;#039;ve made eye contact; now what? Leigh names three approach options. An &amp;quot;indirect approach&amp;quot; involves you tweaking your body language to signal that you&amp;#039;re open to him approaching you\u2014try standing &amp;quot;in his peripheral vision and [hoping]&amp;quot; he comes over. Then there&amp;#039;s the &amp;quot;semi-direct approach,&amp;quot; which works if the man is with friends\u2014here &amp;quot;you&amp;#039;d go up and say something to one of the friends because you&amp;#039;re not as nervous around them.&amp;quot; The third method is a &amp;quot;direct approach,&amp;quot; or walking right up to the guy. (For what it&amp;#039;s worth, Leigh usually opts for the indirect approach herself.) 5. TAILOR YOUR CONVERSATION TO WHERE YOU ARE (AND WHO HE IS). When you&amp;#039;re striking up a conversation with a man, remember that &amp;quot;you&amp;#039;d speak very differently to a guy in a rock band than to a day trader out at a club\u2014they have different social mores,&amp;quot; Leigh says. She recommends tailoring your pickup approach based on a man&amp;#039;s &amp;quot;attraction switches&amp;quot; (the specific qualities he&amp;#039;d need to see or sense in a woman to be interested in her). She suggests asking men about what they&amp;#039;re passionate about\u2014especially the little-known, more obscure things. 6. REMEMBER, YOU&amp;#039;RE DOING HIM A FAVOR. In any situation, being proactive and making the first move is, Leigh notes, &amp;quot;an act of generosity.&amp;quot; Whether that means exchanging looks or standing tall, sucking it up, and making a direct approach, Leigh wants women to remember that putting themselves out there can be scary, but it&amp;#039;s worth it. Amy Van Doran seconds that: &amp;quot;The key is thinking of it like you&amp;#039;re doing someone a favor\u2014think, &amp;#039;You&amp;#039;re welcome! I&amp;#039;m amazing and I need to be in your life.&amp;#039;&amp;quot; Plus, she reminds us, confidence is alluring on any gender: &amp;quot;A calm self-assurance is very sexy if you&amp;#039;re picking up guys.&amp;quot; 7. TRY A LITTLE KINDNESS. If you think &amp;quot;negging&amp;quot; is a solid way to worm your way into someone&amp;#039;s heart, think again. The classic male-PUA move (which uses vague insults to undermine a woman&amp;#039;s self-confidence, arguably making her more insecure and vulnerable to the PUA&amp;#039;s charms) &amp;quot;only works to attract people with low self-esteem,&amp;quot; Van Doran explains; don&amp;#039;t bother using it on dudes. Instead she suggests a heaping dose of good old-fashioned niceness when you&amp;#039;re trying to talk to a man\u2014no game-playing necessary. 8. CRASH AND LEARN. One of the biggest factors that hinders women from going for and getting the men they want is a natural fear of being shot down. Leigh urges women to stop letting their fear of rejection rule. &amp;quot;Go out and have fun,&amp;quot; she says, &amp;quot;and don&amp;#039;t be afraid to crash and burn\u2014or, as we say, crash and learn.&amp;quot; Van Doran concurs: &amp;quot;My friends who are most successful [at picking up men] don&amp;#039;t take the nos personally; they only count the yeses.&amp;quot; 9. DON&amp;#039;T BE AFRAID TO BE VULNERABLE. Letting your guard down a bit can be super-attractive for any gender. Who doesn&amp;#039;t love catching a glimpse of someone&amp;#039;s secret side? &amp;quot;A very alpha woman who can show a more tender, vulnerable side is intoxicating, and so is a shy or introverted woman who can demonstrate a more passionate or naughty side,&amp;quot; Noble explains. 10. SERIOUSLY, STOP OVERANALYZING. One of women&amp;#039;s biggest trip-ups when it comes to sex and dating, Leigh says, is getting too fixated on details instead of focusing on the bigger picture. &amp;quot;You have to look at the big picture. Is he showing up? Is he treating you respectfully? Is he putting in effort?&amp;quot; Van Doran agrees, saying, &amp;quot;Being too outcome-motivated is not good.&amp;quot; It&amp;#039;s hard, we know (oh, how we know!), but it&amp;#039;s best to stay in the here and now. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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