<http://schema.org/articleBody>
"  Ladies and gentleman, tonight one of the most glorious shows of our time returns to our televisions\u2014 and our hearts. The Bachelorette premieres this evening at 9:30 p.m., starring Bachelor castoff Andi Dorfman. We fell back in love with the series last season as we hate-watched Juan Pablo&amp;#039;s journey to find a wife and felt a lot of feelings as he slut-shamed a contestant, gave a lot of women a lot of besitos, and said &amp;quot;it&amp;#039;s okay&amp;quot; too many times to count.  Now we have a whole new crop of contestants looking for love, and this time they&amp;#039;re men. To prepare for tonight&amp;#039;s big event, we trolled the guys&amp;#039; ABC profiles and ranked them, not by their looks or their answers to the Bachelorette questionnaire (we don&amp;#039;t want to judge them prematurely, come on), but by their shoe size (and okay, their choicest knowledge nugget). Because we have to start getting into the right mindset...and a little male objectification is a nice change of pace. Note: Out of respect for his family and friends, we have not included Eric Hill who passed away after the show was finished taping.  1. JJ, Shoe Size: 14 Funnest Fun Fact: He&amp;#039;s a &amp;quot;Pantsapreneur.&amp;quot; Our Feelings: Heeeeeeello. Invite us over to watch The Lion King with you next time.  2. Chris, Shoe Size: 13Funnest Fun Fact: His biggest date fear is a case of accidental diarrhea. Our Feelings: Make sense.  3. Carl, Shoe Size: 13Funnest Fun Fact: His worst date memory is burning a roast that he prepared all day. Our Feelings: ZZZZ...  4. Josh M., Shoe Size: 13Funnest Fun Fact: The things he would bring to a desert island: &amp;quot;A woman to be with and to have company, a gun to easily kill animals to eat, and a knife to carve them up.&amp;quot; Our Feelings: That is aggressive...and a bit alarming?  5. Bradley, Shoe Size: 13Funnest Fun Fact: He&amp;#039;s an opera singer. Our Feelings: There&amp;#039;s going to be more of those awkward &amp;quot;please serenade me&amp;quot; moments we saw with Sharleen last season.  6. Patrick, Shoe Size: 13Funnest Fun Fact: The most romantic present he&amp;#039;s ever given involved decorating a hotel room with rose petals, Champagne, and jewelry, chocolate covered strawberries, and a massage. Just for funsies.Our Feelings: He&amp;#039;s going to try really hard this season. And it&amp;#039;s going to be really awkward to watch.  7. Brett, Shoe Size: 12.5Funnest Fun Fact: The most romantic present he&amp;#039;s ever received? A calendar photo shoot from an ex. &amp;quot;It was thoughtful and creative. Very sweet gift.&amp;quot;Our Feelings: Unless it&amp;#039;s a shirtless David Beckham of the month calendar, we&amp;#039;re not into it.  8. Marcus, Shoe Size: 12 Funnest Fun Fact: His favorite musical artists are Third Eye Blind, Coldplay, and Enrique Iglesias. Also his ideal date would be being along on a desert island walking on the beach during a full moon.Our Feelings: May I recommend  a compilation called Now! That&amp;#039;s What I Call Music? We also hope Josh M. isn&amp;#039;t lurking on that same island.  9. Ron, Shoe Size: 12Funnest Fun Fact: The most romantic gift he&amp;#039;s ever received? &amp;quot;A card. People&amp;#039;s words are pretty powerful when they write them down.&amp;quot;Our Feelings: Uh oh.  10. Emil, Shoe Size: 11Funnest Fun Fact: His preferred form of dance is Twerking.Our Feelings: No.  11. Dylan, Shoe Size: 11Funnest Fun Fact: He has big muscles and is an accountant. Also if he could switch lives with anyone, he&amp;#039;d choose Tom Brady because &amp;quot;he has everything going for him and is determined to do things right.&amp;quot;Our Feelings: Come on, the reason to be Tom Brady is to be married to Gisele&amp;#039;s legs.   12. Cody, Shoe Size: 11Funnest Fun Fact: He uses emoticons in his answers. When asked if he had any tattoos: &amp;quot;You don&amp;#039;t put bumper stickers on a Mercedes =). No tattoos but I do think tattoos are cool.&amp;quot;Our Feelings: We knew he was a personal trainer before we even read his bio.  13. Tasos, Shoe Size: 11Funnest Fun Fact: He would switch places with Mick Jagger for the rock star life and fortune, but, he says, &amp;quot;I already have the moves.&amp;quot;Our Feelings: Please no.  14. Brian, Shoe Size: 10.5Funnest Fun Fact: His desert island essentials are the Bible, sunscreen, and a surf board. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;ll keep me busy and safe,&amp;quot; he says.Our Feelings: Well, we appreciate the fact that he&amp;#039;s responsible about sun protection.  15. Marquel, Shoe Size: 10.5Funnest Fun Fact: A typical Saturday night for Marquel consists of Netflix, cookies, and a glass of wine.Our Feelings: Where do we sign up?  16. Craig, Shoe Size: 10.5Funnest Fun Fact: The most outrageous thing he&amp;#039;s ever done? &amp;quot;Two Hole-In-Ones (Golf).&amp;quot;Our Feelings: Making a sex joke on ABC.com? Ballsy. (Right back atcha, Craig).  17. Nick V., Shoe Size: 10.5Funnest Fun Fact: On his biggest date fear: &amp;quot;I don&amp;#039;t really have one, but going on a date with someone who ended up having a boyfriend and running into him would suck.&amp;quot;Our Feelings: Yes, that would suck...  18. Mike, Shoe Size: 10.5Funnest Fun Fact: Mike&amp;#039;s answer to the best day he&amp;#039;s ever been on: &amp;quot;Hiking up the mountain at full moon, sipping hot chocolate under the stars. Do I have to explain why? You know you&amp;#039;d like that date.&amp;quot; Plus the best gift he&amp;#039;s ever been given? &amp;quot;A Valentine&amp;#039;s Day scavenger hunt with roses, poems, etc., that ended with a wine and cheese picnic in the snow.&amp;quot;Our Feelings: He won&amp;#039;t make it past the first rose ceremony.  19. Josh B., Shoe Size: 10.5Funnest Fun Fact: If he could choose one super power to have, he&amp;#039;d pick teleportation.Our Feelings: If only he said apparition.   20. Andrew, Shoe Size: 10Funnest Fun Fact: &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;ve been told I am mysterious and kind of like the title.&amp;quot; Our Feelings: Re-he-he-heally.  21. Jason, Shoe Size: 10 Funnest Fun Fact: The most romantic gift he&amp;#039;s ever received: &amp;quot;spontaneous tickets to Alaska. I like spontaneity.&amp;quot;Our Feelings: Alaska?  22. Rudie, Shoe Size: 10Funnest Fun Fact: If he could have lunch with someone, he&amp;#039;d choose the Dalai Lama because &amp;quot;he&amp;#039;s rad and one super-happy dude!&amp;quot;Our Feelings: Rad.  23. Steven, Shoe Size: 9.5Funnest Fun Fact: The only thing he wouldn&amp;#039;t do for love is switch his cell phone carrier because he&amp;#039;s grandfathered in with unlimited data.Our Feelings: Good to know he isn&amp;#039;t crazy.  24. Nick S., Shoe Size: 9Funnest Fun Fact: N/A Start placing your bets now, folks. Below , watch the teaser for this season. Spoiler Alert: There&amp;#039;s going to be man drama.      "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.elle.com/culture/movies-tv/news/a19261/the-bachelorette-primer-ranking-all-the-men-on-andis-season/>