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" Actor and singer Jamie Foxx accepting the Generation Award. Fifteen years from now, if I&amp;#x27;m in a fertility doctor&amp;#x27;s office and s/he tells me it&amp;#x27;s impossible for me to bear children, I&amp;#x27;ll be able to pinpoint the exact moment that my eggs humpty-dumpty&amp;#x27;d themselves down my lady walls to their death: watching the 2013 MTV Movie Awards. I know I&amp;#x27;m obviously not the show&amp;#x27;s target demographic considering that my boo and I spent a decent potion of yesterday afternoon pulling the three gray hairs out of my afro, but still, I love watching award shows, so MTV&amp;#x27;s should&amp;#x27;ve been right up my alley. Unfortunately, it was not. The number of shining moments (most of them including host Rebel Wilson) were overshadowed by boring and/or awkward ones. So, in order to make sense of everything that happened during the two-and-a-half-hour telecast, I&amp;#x27;m going to break down last night&amp;#x27;s best and worst moments in a segment I like to call Lady Boner or Lady Groaner. The concept is simple. If the moment was as hot and awesome as a tray of buttermilk biscuits, it&amp;#x27;s a Lady Boner; however, if what happened was as jankity as a broken Skip-It toy, then it&amp;#x27;s a Lady Groaner. So let&amp;#x27;s take a look at the best and worst of the MTV Movie Awards: Lady Boner&amp;amp;#8212;Rebel Wilson&amp;#x27;s pre-taped video and live monologue: It&amp;#x27;s chock-full of funny jokes (Examples: James Franco: &amp;quot;You&amp;#x27;ve been chosen--&amp;quot; Rebel Wilson: &amp;quot;To be Tom Cruise&amp;#x27;s new wife? Yes;&amp;quot; Iron Mangina, Channing Tatum body pillow, etc...), Rebel sports a hot pink velour sweatsuit like she was a teenage girl in the mall buying Mrs. Field&amp;#x27;s cookies, and most of the Pitch Perfect cast reunites to do a medley of &amp;quot;The Climb,&amp;quot; &amp;quot;8 Mile,&amp;quot; and &amp;amp;#8220;Thriftshop&amp;amp;#8221;/&amp;amp;#8221;Girl on Fire.&amp;amp;#8221; Sure, there were moments where the singing was off-key, but overall, this was a great introduction for Rebel Wilson as award show MC. Maybe a gig hosting the Golden Globes will be next? Lady Groaner&amp;amp;#8212;Bradley Cooper stone-faced while sitting in the audience: Listen, B. Coops, you did not win an Oscar, so you&amp;#x27;re not above being at the show. Please turn that frown upside down, put some Pert Plus in your greasy hair, and look like you&amp;#x27;re having fun. You won Movie Awards for Best Male Performance and Best Kiss. That will at least give you a free pass for some over-the-sweater action with some new college graduates for the next 10 days. You&amp;#x27;re welcome. Lady Boner&amp;amp;#8212;Pictures of Channing Tatum&amp;#x27;s badonk. He could not attend, but that didn&amp;#x27;t stop the producers of the Movie Awards from showing pics of his bum from Magic Mike to liven up moments in the show. Every time the show lagged and I remembered the Tatum booty pics, I reacted the same way I do when I hate watch a doubl-dutch competition on ESPN until I&amp;#x27;m blown away by the winning team&amp;#x27;s routine and then I&amp;#x27;m like: Nicely played, MTV. Lady Groaner &amp;amp;#8212;No kissing during the Best Kiss acceptance. Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence won this award. But J. Law wasn&amp;#x27;t at the show, so what could&amp;#x27;ve been a fun MTV moment ended up being unmemorable as Bradley simply accepted the award and then got off stage. Bo-ring! Lady Boner&amp;amp;#8212;Emma Watson&amp;#x27;s Trailblazer award speech: Emma is only 22 years old, but she&amp;#x27;s incredibly charming, sweet, and composed. I am so proud of her excellent speech that I feel like Viola Davis&amp;#x27; Aibileen Clark from The Help to her Mae Mobley Leefolt and that I had raised Emma to be this awesome: Lady Groaner&amp;amp;#8212;Hot guys not being funny. Neither Zac Efron nor Taylor Lautner do anything for me, but I realize they are delectable to teenager girls. Unfortunately, these cuties missed out on a chance to bring the LOLz. When Rebel jokingly asked Zac to remove his shirt and kiss her (He was presenting the Shirtless award), he just stood onstage and looked awkward like he just got his feet tangled in jump ropes at a double-dutch competition instead of riffing with her, which is what she was clearly trying to get him to do. Meanwhile, Lautner won the Shirtless award and came onstage with a pillow stuffed underneath his shirt, so he could pretend that he put on a lot of weight. And then he rambled for two minutes, sucking all the air out of the room. Oof. Lady Boner&amp;amp;#8212;Rebel Wilson in &amp;quot;Lost Footage&amp;quot; sketch: Rebel pulls a Billy Crystal by inserting herself into films such as Les Miserables, Magic Mike, and Life of Pi. It&amp;#x27;s pretty funny. The end. Lady Groaner&amp;amp;#8212;Aubrey Plaza interrupting Will Ferrell&amp;#x27;s Comedic Genius Award speech: I think she&amp;#x27;s attempting to pull a Kayne like when he interrupted Taylor Swift at the 2009 MTV VMAs for fun, but Ferrell clearly isn&amp;#x27;t in on the joke, so he never lets the golden popcorn go and instead asks,&amp;quot;Are you OK?&amp;quot; Plaza then runs off stage. Listen, if you&amp;#x27;re trying to be funny and someone instead gets concerned for you like you&amp;#x27;re Tori Spelling in a Lifetime movie, then you done messed up. Awkward.org Lady Boner&amp;amp;#8212;Stars like Quvenzhane Wallis making faces that let you know they&amp;#x27;re over it: All night long, the camera catches various actors and actresses blank staring at all the awkward moments. And I appreciate that. I hate it when people feel the need to guffaw at any and everything just in case the camera cuts to them. Lil Q. Dub is keeping it real. Lady Groaner&amp;amp;#8212;Selena Gomez&amp;#x27;s &amp;quot;Come &amp;amp; Get It&amp;quot; performance. Listen, Selena is super cute, and she&amp;#x27;s very well-adjusted, but girlfriend cannot sing. This Bollywood-inspired performance is a fun idea. She looks great, the dance moves are on point, and she&amp;#x27;s doing the tastefully sexy thing perfectly, but when Selena sings, my ears put in their two week notice so they can peace out. Lady Boner&amp;amp;#8212;Brad Pitt, duh!: Sometimes hot people get bored of being hot, so they want to fug it up a bit in order to feel like us mere mortals, and Brad is no different. During the past few years, Brad&amp;#x27;s hair was unkempt and his clothing a little sloppy, thus it becamce Vadgehog Day in my pants, which is just like Groundhog Day except that instead of a groundhog going back underground after seeing its shadow, my vajayjay pulled my undies back over itself like I do in the morning when the sun is shining too brightly through my blinds. That&amp;#x27;s why his appearance at the Movie Awards to present Best Picture is so welcome. He looks neat, clean, and dreamy. Just the way we like him. My eyeballs applaud you, Brad. What did you think of the MTV Movie Awards? What were some of your favorite good and bad moments from the show?"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/entertainment/blogs/obsessed/2013/04/the-best-and-worst-moments-of-5>