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"  Richard handed me a rum swizzle, which he made using a secret family recipe (sounds like a family I&amp;#039;d like to meet). &amp;quot;What do you think?&amp;quot; I took a sip and shuddered. &amp;quot;I just had a college flashback.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Is that good or bad?&amp;quot;  I took another sip and smacked my lips together. &amp;quot;Good, I think.&amp;quot;  Richard&amp;#039;s 29th birthday party was just getting started\u2014the guests were trickling in and the boxed wine was chilling in the fridge. Taylor had warned me that she&amp;#039;d invited Fedora Guy, and that there was a chance he may bring Peter. If he showed up with his tight-bodied little girlfriend I was going to dunk my entire head in the bowl of rum swizzles.  &amp;quot;So last year of your twenties,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;Are you where you thought you&amp;#039;d be by now?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m not drunk enough to get deep yet,&amp;quot; Richard said. &amp;quot;But for the most part, yes. I&amp;#039;m working in the industry I&amp;#039;ve always wanted to work in, and I slept with a Maxim model last year.&amp;quot;  I raised my glass. &amp;quot;To goal-setting and goal-meeting,&amp;quot; I said.  &amp;quot;To goal-setting and goal-meeting!&amp;quot; Richard repeated, clinking his glass against mine.  A few hours later, I was having such a good time that I almost didn&amp;#039;t have a panic attack when I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned to see Peter standing in front of me. Almost.  &amp;quot;Hey.&amp;quot; He gave me a hug. &amp;quot;I hope it&amp;#039;s cool that I&amp;#039;m here.&amp;quot;  I waved my hand, like it was no big thing, all the while peering over his shoulder to see if he had brought the girlfriend. It appeared as though he had not, and that made him being there a lot cooler than if he had. &amp;quot;Don&amp;#039;t be ridiculous!&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;I came to your friend&amp;#039;s party.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;You did,&amp;quot; he said. &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m sorry I didn&amp;#039;t get a chance to say goodbye to you. I looked for you when I left but couldn&amp;#039;t find you.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;I left early,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;I had somewhere else to be.&amp;quot; That last part wasn&amp;#039;t true, obviously, but I didn&amp;#039;t want Peter to think that I&amp;#039;d left because I couldn&amp;#039;t handle seeing him. After everything that had gone down with Justin just prior to that party, it was too hard to see yet another ex who couldn&amp;#039;t make it work with me, but could with another girl. Even though rationally I knew this wasn&amp;#039;t true, deep down it made me feel like a loser.  &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m going to get a drink!&amp;quot; I said, pointing to my empty glass. &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;ll see you.&amp;quot; I&amp;#039;d promised myself that if I saw Peter, I would be the one to end the conversation. No quizzical glances exchanged, no nostalgic conversations with him. Just a polite, &amp;quot;Hello. How are you?&amp;quot; before moving on.  I was in the kitchen, pouring some seltzer water into Richard&amp;#039;s deadly rum swizzle to water it down, when I heard something crash and break above me. I rushed up the stairs to find Richard sitting on his bed, his head between his hands, one of the table lamps in his room shattered on the floor.  &amp;quot;Richard!&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;Are you okay?&amp;quot;  Richard raised his head to look at me. His eyes were bleary. &amp;quot;No.&amp;quot; He put his head back in his hands.  &amp;quot;What happened?&amp;quot; I sat down next to him on the edge of the bed. Richard picked his head up again, and I saw that his eyes were red.  &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m 29-years-old and I&amp;#039;m an assistant.&amp;quot; He shook his head. &amp;quot;I can&amp;#039;t even be in a relationship because I&amp;#039;m so screwed up. What am I doing with my life?&amp;quot;  I put my arm around his shoulder. &amp;quot;Okay, okay,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;You know what this is?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;What?&amp;quot; Richard mumbled into my armpit. I hope I didn&amp;#039;t smell, because Richard smelled like he&amp;#039;d taken a bath in the rum swizzle bowl.  &amp;quot;The birthday blues,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;Your birthday makes you reassess your life, and trust me, it never measures up. We&amp;#039;re all too hard on ourselves. So then we get absolutely hammered and have like an Amanda Bynes style meltdown. I&amp;#039;ve seen it happen a million times.&amp;quot;  Richard pulled away and looked at me. &amp;quot;You make me feel really good about myself, Josie.&amp;quot;  I smiled. &amp;quot;You make me feel really good about myself too.&amp;quot; I patted his pillow. &amp;quot;I know it&amp;#039;s your party and everything, but maybe it&amp;#039;s&amp;quot;\u2014  Before I could finish my sentence, Richard leaned in and kissed me. For a second, with his hands my hair and his chest pressing against mine, it felt so good I returned it. But then I came to my senses and put my hands on his chest to push him away. I heard a sound outside the door. I looked up, but no one was there.  Richard hadn&amp;#039;t heard it, and was still looking at me, his eyes sleepy. &amp;quot;Haven&amp;#039;t you thought about this?&amp;quot; he asked, running his hand up my back, stopping to lace his fingers around my neck.  &amp;quot;Of course I have,&amp;quot; I said. I put my hand on top of his and removed it, gently. &amp;quot;But this, as tempting as it is, is not worth what&amp;#039;s at stake.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Which is what?&amp;quot; Richard asked.  &amp;quot;My friendship with you. My friendship with Kate.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s different with you,&amp;quot; Richard said. &amp;quot;I know that sounds like the most played out line in the book, but it&amp;#039;s true.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;And what about Kate?&amp;quot; I asked.  &amp;quot;What about her?&amp;quot; Richard said. &amp;quot;We hooked up once.&amp;quot;  Richard didn&amp;#039;t know he&amp;#039;d taken Kate&amp;#039;s virginity, and I had no way to convey how much more that hook up meant to her than it did to him without exposing her.  &amp;quot;Richard, you&amp;#039;re drunk. You think you feel this way, but you&amp;#039;ll see, you won&amp;#039;t in the morning.&amp;quot;  Richard started to protest but I stood, essentially ending the conversation. &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m going downstairs now.&amp;quot;  Richard didn&amp;#039;t say anything, or follow me as I left the room. The party was still raging on, but I needed some air. I stepped onto the back patio and closed the door behind me.  &amp;quot;Look who it is.&amp;quot; The voice came from a dark corner, but I recognized it immediately.  &amp;quot;Too fratastic in there for ya?&amp;quot; I asked, joining Peter, who was leaning against the railing.  &amp;quot;I think James is loving it,&amp;quot; Peter said. &amp;quot;Why aren&amp;#039;t you in there?&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Air,&amp;quot; I said.  We stood in silence for a few moments, just looking up at the sky.  &amp;quot;That guy likes you,&amp;quot; Peter said.  &amp;quot;What guy?&amp;quot; I retorted, even though I knew exactly who he meant.  &amp;quot;Your co-worker. I was watching you two talk earlier.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;We&amp;#039;re friends,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;But we&amp;#039;re also not asexual so yeah, there&amp;#039;s a little bit of tension there. But we, well, I would never act on it because there&amp;#039;s too much at stake.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Like us?&amp;quot; Peter said.  I looked at him and repeated his words, quietly, &amp;quot;Like us.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;Josie.&amp;quot; Peter hung his head, scratching the back of his neck. &amp;quot;Argh. Nevermind.&amp;quot; He was reminding me of Justin\u2014teasing me, acting so tortured that we &amp;quot;couldn&amp;#039;t&amp;quot; be together. I was so sick of this shit. Peter and I weren&amp;#039;t together because he wanted to give it another go with Elizabeth. Justin and I weren&amp;#039;t together because he didn&amp;#039;t want to be in a relationship. The universe wasn&amp;#039;t keeping us from being together, and I was over this whole song and dance that this was somehow beyond our control.  I pushed off the railing. &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m going inside.&amp;quot;  Peter stepped in front of me, closer than he needed to. &amp;quot;Can we maybe get a drink when we&amp;#039;re back in the city?&amp;quot;  I rolled my eyes and laughed. &amp;quot;For what?&amp;quot; This ship has sailed.&amp;quot; I walked around him and started for the door.  &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m ending things with her,&amp;quot; Peter called after me.  I stopped, but didn&amp;#039;t turn around as I said, &amp;quot;If you ever call me again, that better have already happened.&amp;quot;  I pulled the sliding door open and stepped inside. I found the pitcher of rum swizzles and gave myself a hearty pour before re-joining the party.  I spotted Kate by the beer pong table, and sidled up to her side. &amp;quot;I have to tell you what just happened with Peter.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;What?&amp;quot; Kate asked, coldly.  &amp;quot;Hey.&amp;quot; I put my hand on her arm, but she shrugged it away. &amp;quot;Are you okay?&amp;quot;  She turned to face me, and dropping her voice to a whisper, hissed, &amp;quot;I thought you were my friend. I saw you up there with Richard.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;I know how it looked,&amp;quot; I whispered back. &amp;quot;But it wasn&amp;#039;t like that.&amp;quot;  &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s just like, for once, can I meet a guy who&amp;#039;s interested in me, and not Taylor, or another one of my friends?&amp;quot; Kate folded her arms across her chest and bit her lip.  I didn&amp;#039;t want to throw Richard under the bus by putting this all on him, but Kate needed to know that I wasn&amp;#039;t the one to make the move. &amp;quot;He was drunk, Kate. He was talking nonsense and I was just trying to make him feel better and he just went for it. I could have been anyone. Seriously. He could barely keep his eyes open while he was talking to me.&amp;quot;  Kate looked a little calmer. &amp;quot;Do you like him?&amp;quot; she asked.  &amp;quot;No!&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;Between Anthony and this speed dating thing and what just happened with Peter, I have no room in my brain to think about another guy.&amp;quot;  Kate exhaled. &amp;quot;Okay, sorry. If you did like him, I wouldn&amp;#039;t want to get in the way.&amp;quot; Why do girls always say that when we never mean it?  &amp;quot;I appreciate that,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;But there&amp;#039;s nothing to get in the way of.&amp;quot; The party wound down after that. Peter gave me googly eyes as he said goodbye, and Kate and I attempted an initial clean up before we called it a night. We gave up after five minutes and collapsed into bed.  In the morning, Richard was his usual chipper self\u2014if anything, he seemed to be overcompensating for what had happened last night. I decided the best thing to do was just follow his lead. If he wanted to pretend like nothing happened, well, fine by me. I love Richard, but I&amp;#039;m positive that everything out of his mouth was total B.S. I&amp;#039;ve slept with that guy before\u2014the guy who tells you you&amp;#039;re &amp;quot;different&amp;quot; from other girls, and in the end you never are.  On the train ride back to the city I thought about what had happened with Peter. A part of me hoped that he was all talk, that he wouldn&amp;#039;t break up with his girlfriend and I could be spared from having to decide whether to re-open that can of worms or not. I&amp;#039;d made this promise to myself to chill out and take things slow, and I would not be able to take things slow with Peter. And then a part of me remembered the last time we were together, how he knew all the right buttons to press (pun most definitely intended), how he was level-headed and mature and nothing like the hothead that Justin was, and that part of me was gunning for Peter to send that tan little piece packing.  ED NOTE: Sad news, Cosmo girls\u2014the last bedroom blog entry for Cosmopolitan.com will be posted on Aug. 22. The author Jessica Knoll is moving on from Cosmopolitan to another publication. However, Josie&amp;#039;s adventures will continue on her own blog. We will provide the link. Start following Jess on Twitter @JessMKnoll to get a head start on what&amp;#039;s to come for Josie. Pre-order your copy of Afterburn by Sylvia Day, Cosmo&amp;#039;s first book in our Red-Hot Reads series from Harlequin here. Want more from Josie? Follow her on Twitter @BedroomBlog "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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