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"FacebookPinterest\n\nSo you're running for president. What a surprise! It's like seeing Kate Bosworth skip breakfast or Rex Grossman throw a fourthquarter interception. You've been planning this White House run longer than Axl Rose has been recording Chinese Democracy. Want to shock us Use that Victoria's Secret gift certificate your husband bought you. In 1983.\n\nBecoming president is not going to be easy. You've got fierce critics. People act like you're the daughter of Osama bin Laden and Jared Leto. In some places, you're less popular than that doctor on Grey's Anatomy. No, not McDreamy, the other one\u2014the one who's got a problem with surgeons listening to the Dreamgirls soundtrack.\n\nWe're sure it's partly sexism, Hillary. A lot of men can't handle a powerful woman with big aspirations. Take Gisele Bndchen. She's very ambitious, trying to be the biggest supermodel in the world, always stripping down to her underwear to prove she's got the greatest body on earth. Men can't stand her, and it's very unfair.\n\nThen there's the whole spouse issue. Let's face it, Hillary, you're married to the most likable guy in the world. Dude could get caught smoking crystal meth in the back of the juniorhigh cheerleaders' van and his popularity would surge twenty points. Walk into a room with your husband and it's like he's Scarlett Johansson and you're Pauly Shore. Pauly Shore with B.O.\n\nBut as you said, you're in\u2014and you're \"in to win.\" That's good, because we didn't think you were in to eat crappy diner food in Iowa with Tom Harkin. So here's how to get it done on the campaign trail.\n\n1. Ignore the rumors. Look, you're Hillary Clinton\u2014people are going to say crazy things about you. They'll claim you had a hand in the death of Vince Foster. They'll say you batted for the other team when you attended Wellesley College. They'll tell you that your husband is vacationing on Capri with Jessica Biel. You just have to laugh off those crazy tales, because you know they aren't true. Except the one about your husband and Jessica Biel. That one's true.\n\n2. Develop an edge. Hillary, people think you're a bit of a robot\u2014that all your political movements are choreographed, that your comments are more tightly scripted than Alan Colmes's. You have to show a wilder side, Hil. Speak your mind. Use strong language if you must. Call Tim Russert a boob. And if that doesn't work, do one night on the town with Britney and Paris. And yes Do it commando.\n\n3. Don't worry about Barack. Here's our theory The 2008 election is going to be just like the Oscars last year. Barack Obama is Brokeback Mountain. He's new, he's cool, he's exciting. But at a certain point, the backlash will begin. That's where you come in, Hillary. You're Crash. You're corny, clich\u00E9d, and lacking in fresh ideas, but voters like predictability, so you could win. By the way, John Edwards is The Grudge 2, and Joe Biden is Borat.\n\n4. Hit the gym and lose that junk in the trunk. Oh, wait, we're sorry. That advice isn't for you. That's for Al Gore.\n\n5. Side action. Look, you're a Clinton. You might as well enjoy the spoils of the last name. No one's going to make a big fuss if you decide to take a little extracurricular activity with a close friend of your choice. We even have a suggestion. That's right Jessica Biel.\n\nGood luck, Hillary. Let's give this country what it's always wanted a White House Captain &amp;amp; Tennille.\n\nSincerely,\n\nGQ\n\nP.S. Yes, you can be the Captain. Besides, Bill's now in Cabo with Tennille."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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