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" WASHINGTON \u2014 Welcome back to our weekly survey of the state of Our National Dialogue which, as you know, is what Vivaldi would have come up with, had he composed The Four Sea Monkeys. Inauguration Weekend! Time for us all to lay aside our partisan bickering and celebrate our glorious republic, in which we are all guaranteed the right to go on the electric teevee set and tell our fellow citizens that the sun rises in the plain, where the rain falls mainly on the Spain. Or something. Sooner or later, on one of these Sundays, one of these shows is going to pass out of the plane of physical reality and disappear into a higher realm in a chorus of fairy farts. In that spirit, we begin this week with Face The Nation, hosted (as always) by former Tang Dynasty environmental correspondent Bob Schieffer, on which, honest to god, several allegedly intelligent primates surveyed the past four years and came to the remarkable conclusion that the reason not much got done was because Barack Obama has gone all gangsta up in Lady Liberty&amp;#039;s grill, yo. Let us begin with Bob (The Watergate Replacement Replicant) Woodward, who told Schieffer that Obama declines to work and play well with the feral children and is thus spitting on the grave of the Venerable Katie Graham, the Patron Saint Of Social Climbing. I remember Katharine Graham, the publisher of the Washington Post, used to always say &amp;#039;it&amp;#039;s hard to not like someone who says they like you.&amp;#039; You talk to senators and congressmen, as you know, and they feel Barack Obama doesn&amp;#039;t like them or is at least indifferent to them. And so you have all of these conflicts in negotiations and they end... Look, the President has the upper hand now and will for some time, but you know in any... Condi Rice knows so well, any negotiation you need to leave the opponent with their dignity and the president is going out and sticking his finger in their eye. So the president, who has been called stupid, lazy, a Kenyan, un-American, and every other synonym for &amp;quot;uppity&amp;quot; that ever occurred to Bull Connor, and of whom his legislative opponents have said quite openly that their goal was to wreck his agenda, has been engaged so far in &amp;quot;sticking his finger&amp;quot; in the eye of his political opposition. I swear to Christ, listening to Woodward, I&amp;#039;m starting to believe Nixon was framed. Following with her own bucket of bushwah was professional Clinton apologist Dee Dee Myers, who yearned for the golden era when the Republicans were investigating blowjobs and the Democratic president was knuckling welfare moms. But first, a bad historical analogy. You have to let the other guys leave the table saying they got something for their side, because they&amp;#039;re giving up \u2014 they are going to give up something big if it&amp;#039;s going to be an important deal. And I think that \u2014 that this White House has not done that as successfully as they need to. And I think \u2014 you know, otherwise you end up with Versailles right. You solve the First World War with a treaty that sows the seeds of the second one. And that&amp;#039;s not in anybody&amp;#039;s interest and this President has not been as good at that as he could be. Barack Obama: The Georges Clemenceau Of American Politics. Let us proceed. I was talking to Newt Gingrich recently about what made Clinton a great negotiator and he said he listened all the time to \u2014 to find a piece of common ground where a deal could be built. This is from the Speaker of the House who worked to impeach the President. And all through that period, they were looking for a piece of common ground. And I think this administration will be well served to do that.  The thoroughness with which the lunatic conservative war against Bill Clinton has been shoved down the memory hole is truly remarkable. After all, it was the template for the lunatic conservative war against the current president.There were four years of having Washington politicians and the courtier press believe every tall tale that came out of every fish camp in Arkansas. There was an economic plan that didn&amp;#039;t garner a single Republican vote. There was a government shutdown.There was a nearly two-year pursuit of the president&amp;#039;s penis all around the Beltway, led in the main by adulterous hypocrites like N. Leroy Gingrich, Definer Of Civilization&amp;#039;s Rules And Leader (Perhaps) Of The Civilizing Forces. There was, in fact, the destruction of Gingrich&amp;#039;s political career. And Myers looks back on that time as a model for what she wants to be happening now because Gingrich and Clinton put their respective adulteries aside long enough to pass a welfare &amp;quot;reform&amp;quot; bill that was punitive enough to get Clintion re-elected? We need better Democrats here. But this discussion of A World That Can Never Be would not be complete until we heard from the Magic Dolphin Queen, who has been living in the higher realms of fairy farts since half-past a gimlet in 1986. We are essentially a fifty-fifty country still. So you would think the President would have spent the past few weeks going forward and saying let&amp;#039;s all be together. Instead he has been very sharply, definitively us guys versus you guys by going at the Republicans on the Hill, by speaking in a way that is very sour about why Republicans take the stands they take. He implicitly is speaking about Republicans in the country who are half the country. I think that&amp;#039;s a new way to play it, a tough and dicey way to play it.  There are three policy-makinginstitutions in the federal government. The Democrats control two of them. More people voted for the Democratic presidential candidate than for his Republican rival, and that was only a couple of months ago. More Democrats got elected to the Senate. More people voted for Democratic candidates for the House than voted for Republican candidates for the House. This is not &amp;quot;a fifty-fifty country&amp;quot; unless you divide by the square root of VAT 69 and then multiply by the cosine of Pi in the sky. And can we at least acknowledge, if we&amp;#039;re going to be talking about &amp;quot;the country.&amp;quot; that the president&amp;#039;s approval has gone nowhere but up since he started being a little less concerned with Republican fee-fees. Condoleezza Rice said something, too, but since it didn&amp;#039;t include the phrase, &amp;quot;I am sorry for having been the most incompetent National Security Advisor in history,&amp;quot; I paid it no mind. Over on ABC, This Week With The Clinton Guy Horrified By Blowjobs was enlivened by the presence of Rick Santorum, and have I mentioned recently what a colossal dick Rick Santorum is? He, too, has a big Sad because the president is not embracing any portion of the lunacy on which he based his second-place Republican presidential campaign. &amp;quot;That&amp;#039;s the problem with this administration. They don&amp;#039;t - they&amp;#039;re not very gracious winners. And I always said, you know, there&amp;#039;s one thing worse than a sore loser, and that&amp;#039;s a sore winner. And the president&amp;#039;s a sore winner...He could get something done on deficits and entitlements, but he&amp;#039;s got to move his people to do that, instead of forcing Republicans always to come his way. And that&amp;#039;s the problem.&amp;quot;  Yes, he could do that, but then he would be, I dunno, maybe, a Republican? Hell, Rick, you lost your last statewide race by 15 points to a walking shadow named Bob Casey, Jr., and then you were such a colossal dick that Willard Freaking Romney looked good by comparison. And people should listen to you, why, exactly? Santorum then deigned to get his ass handed to him by Jennifer Granholm, acting as the spokesperson on behalf of common fking sense.  GRANHOLM: Why not armor-piercing bullets? Why do you need that? SANTORUM: Because \u2014 because we&amp;#039;re talking about a particular type of bullet that \u2014 that is \u2014 is and can be available to... GRANHOLM: Deer don&amp;#039;t wear armor. Why do you need an armor-piercing bullet? SANTORUM: But criminals could. And having \u2014 having... GRANHOLM: And police officers certainly do. And the kitty comes screeching from the burlap. When you hear people like Santorum defending armor-piercing bullets, and you hear the people in the hinterlands talking about watering the tree of liberty, put it together and you know what they&amp;#039;re talking about? Cop-killing, that&amp;#039;s what. Goons. And we close at Disco Dave&amp;#039;s Disco Dance Party, where Tea Party whackaloon Ted Cruz made a debut so stunning that the Dancin&amp;#039; Master came very close to calling him out. SEN. CRUZ: Well, it \u2014 that \u2014 that statistic is actually pretty bogus. It \u2014 it&amp;#039;s based on a study before the background checks were put into place and \u2014 and so \u2014 we&amp;#039;ve \u2014 that \u2014 that study is highly questionable, that 40 percent. GREGORY: I don&amp;#039;t know, Wayne LaPierre never questioned that study when I brought up that point. He had a question about the feasibility and \u2014 and correcting \u2014 collecting records, but there&amp;#039;s still a loophole that a lot of people would like to correct.  Steady there, big guy. Luckily, later on, Tom Brokaw, The Man Who Invented World War II, came along later to explain that all we really have to do to get our house in order is starve the olds and the poors according to universally rejected Republican principles. I think that there&amp;#039;s a desperate need for the country going forward to do something about tax reforms and entitlements fitting under the umbrella of fixing the economy and creating more jobs and stop the spending. That&amp;#039;s going to be tough. We&amp;#039;ve been giving people things for a long time. Now they&amp;#039;re going to have to start reeling them in and fine tuning them, and that&amp;#039;s going to take an exceptional hand in the White House to pull that off. So that&amp;#039;s a daunting task.  Is that more disgusting because Tom Brokaw is reputed to be a respected newsman and clearly doesn&amp;#039;t have any idea how the economy works or the fact that, in Social Security and Medicare, what we have been &amp;quot;giving people...for a long time&amp;quot; is their own goddamned money that they paid into the system over their working lives, which he would like to extend? Or is it because Tom Brokaw has a hair-curling contempt for his fellow citizens and is a smug, entitled foof who will not feel a thing from the pain he is recommending be brought down on other people? Is he someone who should be ignored, or is he someone who should be smeared with honey and left among the fire ants? Our lines are open.  "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a17223/inauguration-gobshitery/>