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"  Whether conversing with audience members at my shows or chatting with friends on the topic, I always get the same feedback about modern dating: Technology helps us connect with people, but it also annoys the hell out of us. And while frustration with the nuances of today&amp;#039;s rituals of pursuit are nearly universal, when I sat down with four single ELLE editors, I found that each of these twentysomethings employs his or her own unique dating philosophy\u2014and has his or her own unique conundrums to match. Full disclosure: I&amp;#039;m no expert; I&amp;#039;m fully aware that I&amp;#039;m a comedian/bozo who knows nothing. But by homing in on some all-too-common foibles, perhaps we can all learn a thing or two. \u2014Love, Aziz Dater 1: The Cad Magnet, 24 &amp;quot;You have to stop dating human garbage!&amp;quot; I exclaim midway through our discussion about the truly shady dudes she&amp;#039;s been seeing. &amp;quot;I found out through friends that he pretended he didn&amp;#039;t receive my texts because he was out with another girl\u2026. Do you think I should text him again?&amp;quot; Seriously? No, new friend, I do not. Though I understand what you&amp;#039;re going through. I&amp;#039;ve definitely pursued girls who have treated me like trash\u2014why is this attractive to both men and women?! But at a certain point, I try to ask myself, &amp;#039;Would I treat someone this way?&amp;#039; If the answer is no, I move on. (In theory. In practice, I&amp;#039;m still pining for these horrible people. HELP.) &amp;quot;But where do I meet a guy who&amp;#039;s good??!&amp;quot; she asks. I don&amp;#039;t know. The salad bar at Whole Foods? Dater 2: The Text-Happy Call Decliner, 28 God bless the poor man who tries to call this girl. &amp;quot;I immediately hit Ignore and text him back,&amp;quot; she tells me. Some people hate phone calls, I get it. And, yeah, there are a lot of goofballs out there. Every now and then, though, you must meet a guy who isn&amp;#039;t a total ding dong, right? So if he seems worth it, why not get out of your comfort zone a little? Instead of: Her: Hey, sorry I missed your call!  Him (next day): Sorry was asleep. Want to hang tonight?  Her (a day later): No, I can&amp;#039;t. Maybe this weekend?  Him (two days later): Maybe? Gotta prep for my dolphin show! Relish the ringer and get four days of agonizing nonsense out of the way in 15 seconds. Dater 3: The Call-Don&amp;#039;t-Text-er, 27 &amp;quot;I would never date ANYONE who sent me an emoji,&amp;quot; she says. &amp;quot;Not even that cute lil&amp;#039; puppy one?&amp;quot; I plead in my best lil&amp;#039; puppy voice. People totally go overboard with cutesyness in texting, but one lil&amp;#039; puppy emoji shouldn&amp;#039;t be a dealbreaker! A guy who sends you a frog emoji could turn out to be a prince emoji in real life\u2014or the weird, sad dude in the yellow hat with the green cross. Who knows! But chances are, we&amp;#039;re all deeper than the nonverbal communication cues we align ourselves with. Dater 4: The Mer-Man, 29 An SMS log from this dater and his Would Be Suitor (WBS), a guy he recently hooked up with and now wants to take on a date: WBS: Hey, I like that mermaid tank you Instagrammed!  Him: So great right? My friend got it at Target :)  WBS: Dude, I&amp;#039;m totally getting one.  Him: WERQ  WBS: YASS  Him: [Emoji of thumbs-up and lady dancing in red dress]. I&amp;#039;ll spare you the rest, but after the twenty-fifth flirty message we all wanted to break his phone. Jokey texts that get you nowhere are a waste of time. If someone seems into you, make a specific plan and get some actual in-person interaction going. It&amp;#039;s like the saying goes: Life&amp;#039;s too short to keep texting another man about the mermaid tank top his friend wore to brunch that one time three months ago. (FYI: At press time, said tank was sold out in all NYC-area Targets. Sad face emoji.) *Names have been omitted to protect the editors. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.elle.com/culture/tech/a13900/aziz-ansari-buried-alive-special/?src=rss>