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" It&amp;#039;s going to happen to me, and it&amp;#039;s going to happen to you. Hopefully, it will happen to you before it happens to me. I would much prefer it that way. I am talking about aging. Getting old. Tempus fugit. We are all, if we are lucky, eventually going to get old and wrinkly and pop our Louboutins. It&amp;#039;s important to have a realistic approach. Any frantic attempts to hold back the sands of time are ultimately pointless. The truth of the matter is that you are not \u2014 even if you start spreading Cr\u00E8me de la Mer on your morning bagel \u2014 ever going to be invited to your prom again. No second shot at homecoming queen for you, missy! Managing to look even milliseconds younger than you are \u2014 even slowing down the aging process a teensy-weensy bit \u2014 requires serious commitment, voluntary surgery, Botox, brutality, money, and time. Oy vey! But don&amp;#039;t despair. I have an alternative suggestion for you. Instead of pouring all that energy into looking younger, instead of testing your pain threshold in ever more punitive ways, how about simply focusing on not looking older?  Not looking older is so much easier. While those gut-busting attempts to peel away the years will leave you exhausted and frustrated, my guide to not looking any older than you already are will perk you right up. First, let&amp;#039;s start with cleaning up your vocabulary. Saying grannyish &amp;#039;40s things like &amp;quot;Goodness gracious!&amp;quot; and &amp;quot;My stars!&amp;quot; will always pack on at least a decade to your perceived age. The same applies to those old counterculture interjections like &amp;quot;Far out!&amp;quot; and &amp;quot;Groovy, man!&amp;quot; On the other hand, if you try to update your vocabulary too much, people will become suspicious. For example, imagine if Laura Bush were to start saying stuff like &amp;quot;What up, dawg?&amp;quot;  Your best bet is to confuse your listeners by jumbling up the vernacular from various eras. For example, if you do something really stupid, instead of saying &amp;quot;Heavens to Betsy,&amp;quot; try &amp;quot;Yo, Betsy! My bad!&amp;quot; Now let&amp;#039;s shake up your makeup. Looking very &amp;quot;done,&amp;quot; while great for a young gal like Scarlett Johansson, will always make an older chick look too anchor lady. So ease up on the maquillage. Lips or eyes. Not both. And no pancake unless we&amp;#039;re talking IHOP and there are blueberries sprinkled on top. Speaking of all things blue, let&amp;#039;s talk for a moment about eyeshadow. Nothing screams Geritol quite like a pair of forget-me-not-hued lids. That powder-blue eyeshadow, long the favorite of Her Maj, Queen Elizabeth, will always take you straight to Frump City.  Ditto a structured hairdo. Attending a swanky fete? Take your cue from Madonna, I beg of you! Avoid those stiff, lacquered Palm Beach crash-helmet &amp;#039;dos and go for midcentury movie-star shoulder-kissing tresses. Think Rita Hayworth. No matronly updos!  Daydreaming, I&amp;#039;m sorry to say, is even more aging than a beauty-parlor shampoo and set. Staring into the middle distance while doing nothing is so antithetical to our multitasking culture that anyone who does will automatically seem a million years old. Example: The other day, I arrived at a fashion show and took my seat. While other attendees pulled out their BlackBerrys and started texting, I just sat there \u2014 like Whistler&amp;#039;s mother \u2014 staring at the plastic-covered catwalk. I was enjoying the time-honored pursuit of doing nothing. So startling was the difference between my behavior and that of the young fashion chippies next to me that a gal with a clipboard came up and asked me if I was having a stroke. Following on from this point, being technologically incompetent \u2014 as I proudly am \u2014 is very aging. Not having a MySpace page is bad enough, but not even knowing what a MySpace page is will immediately relegate you to an old people&amp;#039;s home \u2014 where, incidentally, you will find me, staring into the middle distance, daydreaming the day away. Whether you are eating blackberries or just fiddling with one at a fashion show, a plunging d\u00E9collet\u00E9 can really pack on the decades, especially if the revealed cleavage is the texture and hue of a Louis Vuitton bag. But nothing will take you straight to Margaret Thatcher Village \u2014 or even Janet Reno Town \u2014 quicker than a tie-neck blouse. Yes, I know they are totally de rigueur this season, but unless you are in the first flush of youth, you must avoid, avoid, avoid! Like tie necks, sweater sets are great on gals under 20. Older women should avoid the aging effect by discarding the little shell underneath. And for extra youthful frisson, try wearing the cardigan back to front \u2014 this is an old Diana Vreeland trick \u2014 and leaving the top two buttons undone. Like sweater sets, ditzy, dinky eyewear will always heap on a decade or two. The dimensions of your eyewear should increase exponentially with your age. By the time you are 90 years old, you should be wearing truly gargantuan shades about the same size as the ones that hang outside optical stores. Specs on chains? Cute on a rebellious teen, but an age-enhancing disaster on anyone else. Calling all worrywarts! Sensible clothing of any description is hideously aging. Nothing says anxious senior citizen quite like clear plastic galoshes or rain hoods. This also applies to men. Those rubbers that some blokes wear over their business shoes just scream old fart. Even if Brad Pitt wore them, he would look like Mister Rogers. And what of this coming season? Should you get yourself one of those gorgeous Joan Collins\u2013ish hats from Marc Jacobs? Sweaters with cowl-necks? Suits with shoulder pads? Sorry, but these retro styles \u2014 a valid and utterly gorgeous part of Fall 2007 \u2014 are best on the under-25s only. The elegant Dynasty clutch? The wide-leg tweed pant? The answer is brutally simple: Anything that is redolent of the &amp;#039;80s must be worn only by those who just hatched during that period. Embracing any trend for the second time around will always turn you into Methuselah. Let&amp;#039;s end on a philosophical, heartwarming note. Here&amp;#039;s how I see it: The saddest part about aging is that most people are generally too dumb to enjoy their youthful bloom while they have it. If you are under 30, make sure you don&amp;#039;t waste time being insecure, self-critical, and morose. What are you doing sitting around reading this magazine? Run out into the street right now and scream, &amp;quot;I am young and gorgeous!&amp;quot; Enjoy it while you still have it. Then, after the sweet bird of youth has flown, you can happily embrace your middle and later years, safe in the knowledge that you had one hell of a time. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.harpersbazaar.com/fashion/trends/a203/clothes-aging-you-1007/>