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"FacebookPinterest\n\n 10. The Sax Solo on \"The Edge of Glory\"\n\n Last year, Katy Perry staked her claim to sax fiend with \"(Last Friday Night) T.G.I.F.\" a magically dumb song that understood the appeal of the instrument: pure cheese. There was also the soft rock ooze of Gayngs' Relayted, and earlier this year Dan Bejar's Destroyer used it to wondrous effect on Kaputt. At this point, Gaga's decision to implement Huey Lewis and the News' secret weapon not only looks like a trendhump, but a prissy one at that. Gaga gets a lot of credit for innovating modern pop. This is not one of them.\n\n 9. The Chorus of \"Government Hooker\"\n\n This song is insanely catchy, like some strange hybrid of opera and Hi-NRG disco. But it literally means nothing. Sample lyric: \"Put your hands on me / John F. Kennedy / I'll make you scream, baby / As long as you pay me.\" Social commentary, Stefani Germanotta-style. What's jarring, though, is the unbridled and creepy (and not in a good) way that Gaga pronounces the chorus: \"Hooooooker-aaaaah!\" She sounds like a demon-lady possessed. A government demon.\n\n 8. The Cover\n\n She's a motorcycle. And she was born that way. Get it? No? You are a philistine!\n\n 7. The Wordless Warbling\n\n Everyone from Michael Jackson to Mariah Carey to My Morning Jacket have scored hits without actually singing words that exist. And when Gaga was all, \"Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah! Rom-mah-rom-mum-mah! Gaga-ooh-la-la!\" we were all, \"Gaga's a genius.\" But somehow, in the ensuing year since \"Bad Romance\" became a phenomenon of alliterative gibberish, the trick feels cheaper. Nonsense choruses are the stuff of pop music marginalia, but Gaga, sensing her power, may have gone too far. \"Electric Chapel,\" in particular, reeks of a lack of ideas, not a distortion of form. Sing words. It's easy.\n\n 6. The Stupid Song About Hair Called \"Hair\"\n\n \"I am my hair,\" Gaga says on this song's chorus. \"I am not my hair,\" india.arie said in 2007. Neither is right. You are carbon-based life forms.\n\n 5. The Existence of \"Judas\"\n\n \"Judas\" is perhaps Gaga's dumbest, simplest attempt to rile conservatives yet\u2014blind ambition gone bad. It's an excuse to \"offend,\" without asking any questions or seeking any answers. It's also not that fun to listen to, which is a prime offense.\n\n 4. The Hair Metal Slather All Over This\n\n Sometimes Gaga seems to be in on the joke. Take \"Highway Unicorn (Road to Love),\" for example. It's a power ballad about getting in a car, having sex, and falling in love. And it's the kind of a rip-roaring, chest-clenching song that makes you want to barrel into the next karaoke bar. Then, after a hundred or so listens, you realize it's basically a Poison song.\n\n 3. The Mid Metaphors\n\n You know that friend that's always IMing you with bad puns? Like all they do is sit around and shoot you potential New York Post cover lines? Gaga is definitely this kind of friend. From album opener, \"Marry The Night,\" comes this turn of phrase: \"Love is the new denim or black.\" This means nothing. It sure sounds cool though. And Gaga, who was once so clever with a nonsensical catchphrase (see no. 7), has always struggled when it comes to actual sentiment. So: Sing words, definitely. But also, give them some meaning.\n\n 2. The Post-Bowie German Pimping of \"Schi&amp;amp;#xDF;e\"\n\n Gaga is a blond, provocative pop star. So we want her to be Madonna. But for all the comparisons to Madonna, the artist Gaga apes more closely is David Bowie, who shape shifted and sound-altered his way to the kind of iconic fame that is truly rare for a musician. Bowie was a badass and a dandy and a true innovator of sound and style. His Berlin Trilogy\u2014 Low, \"Heroes\" and Lodger\u2014marked an obsession with and integration of German culture comprised of rigid time signatures, sleek styling, and a robotic countenance. It's awesomely odd and rigorously ecuted. Gaga wants a taste on \"Schi&amp;amp;#xDF;e.\" Unfortunately it sounds like Rammstein covering Ace of Base.\n\n 1. The Whole Not-Being-Madonna Thing\n\n Are we OK to say this now? Not only are her ears bigger than her stomach, but her knockoffs aren't nearly as much fun. The album's title track was rightly characterized as an \"Express Yourself\" retread. Then \"Judas\" was panned as sub-\"Papa Don't Preach\" drivel. Now that the full beast has been unleashed, it's clear: Stefani, you ain't no Madge.\n\n The One Thing We Love: The Involvement of Robert \"Mutt\" Lange\n\n \"Yo and I\" is also a product of that German obsession we were going on about. Only in this case, the needless umlaut and Germanisms are totally justified thanks to Robert \"Mutt\" Lange, the hyper-genius producer of such albums as AC/DC's Back In Black, The Cars' Heartbeat City, and, erm, Shania Twain's Come on Over. He turns \"Yo and I\" into a monster of grinding rhythms, big-dick riffs, and the kind of chorus fit for a queen. All hail Mutt."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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