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" My husband and I can&amp;#039;t have children, nor do we have plans for a family in the future. What can I say to people who ask, &amp;quot;When are you and your husband starting a family?&amp;quot; It&amp;#039;s really none of their business and I&amp;#039;m appalled when people ask me that. How do I tell them that I feel that this is our private life and not to be shared? --J.A.C., 35, Columbus, OH It seems as if every childless, married woman between the ages of 20 and 50 is subjected to this rude and intrusive line of questioning. While it&amp;#039;s easy enough to meet rudeness with rudeness and say, &amp;quot;None of your business,&amp;quot; that won&amp;#039;t make you feel any less appalled when someone asks questions of this nature. And people will always ask--out of curiosity, genuine concern, sheer stupidity, or even just to make conversation. But your strong reaction makes me think that perhaps you haven&amp;#039;t fully accepted that children aren&amp;#039;t in the cards for you. The decision to start a family--or not to--is one of the biggest we make. Have you and your husband fully grappled with what this means? Have you grieved the closure of this door? Do you perhaps secretly prefer not to shoulder the burden of motherhood--and so you feel both relieved and guilty? In any case, you&amp;#039;ll be better able to handle other people&amp;#039;s questions--or simply shake them off--when you&amp;#039;re more aware and accepting of your own feelings. In the meantime, just deflect questions with something like, &amp;quot;You never know!&amp;quot; then firmly change the subject. Only the most clueless inquisitors will fail to take this large hint.   Award-winning writer Karen Karbo is the author of How to Hepburn: Lessons on Living from Kate the Great. She&amp;#039;s also a mom, a writing teacher, and a horse owner. Send your questions to her at: The Hard Stuff, REDBOOK, 300 W. 57th St., New York, NY 10019 or karenkarbo@redbookmag.com. Letters may be edited for clarity and length, and must include your initials, age, city, and state. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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