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" &amp;quot;Jack Valenti doesn&amp;#039;t know jack. Last year, the head of the Motion Picture Association of America tried to ban preview tapes for Academy voters on the grounds that the films would find their way onto the Internet and spread like Paris Hilton. Of course, fearing the techno bogeyman is nothing new for Valenti. In 1982, he likened the VCR to the Boston Strangler, claiming that it would asphyxiate the industry. Nostradamus he ain&amp;#039;t. And as I found out, illegally downloading feature-length films is anything but easy. Armed with a state-of-the-art PC and a high-speed connection, I set out to see how many newish movies--including some Oscar contenders--I could download in a 24-hour stealing spree.  3:00 P.M.: Install popular file-sharing applications (Kazaa, Burst!, and Overnet). 3:44 P.M.: Begin file search. Kazaa is light on highbrow, heavy on genre material. Add Bad Santa, School of Rock, Gothika, and Cabin Fever to my download cue.  4:55 P.M.: Check Burst! Master and Commander should finish in, oh, about four days.  5:16 P.M.: Overnet asks me to turn off my firewall. Even though the sites I&amp;#039;m hitting are extremely suspect and could install malicious code, I acquiesce and begin downloading The Last Samurai. 10:59 P.M.: Still can&amp;#039;t locate Lost in Translation and Mystic River. The Last Samurai is 11 percent finished.  12:01 A.M.: Overnet crashes, taking the whole machine with it. 2:30 A.M.: Back up and running.  10:13 A.M.: Overnet still doesn&amp;#039;t work, but Burst! comes through: Master and Commander is (still) on the way. 10:42 A.M.: Bad Santa, School of Rock, and Cabin Fever all launch. But wait--due to compatibility issues, there&amp;#039;s no picture or sound. 11:59 A.M.: Good news: Master and Commander has downloaded. Bad news: It&amp;#039;s in German. Scheisse. 12:47 P.M.: On Kazaa, Gothika turns out to be not the Halle Berry vehicle but Japanese she-male hentai. 1:18 P.M.: Half of The Matrix Revolutions is here, but needs to be burned to CD in order to view. Attempt to burn crashes machine. 1:52 P.M.: Machine back up. Matrix still won&amp;#039;t burn. Have unwatchable half of unwatchable movie. 2:33 P.M.: Uninstall piracy software. System scan shows 35 porn dialers were installed. If I had a dial-up connection, my phone bill would equal the GNP of Norway. 2:56 P.M.: Log on to BarnesAndNoble.com. Pre-order Lost in Translation DVD. Think about taking up strangling. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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