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"  Thesis statement: White wine is the shit, and I bet Beyonc\u00E9 takes baths in a stadium-sized bathroom as various beautiful manservants light hundreds of Diptyque candles around her. Allow me to elaborate.   This beautiful enmeshing of women and white wine has been going on since wine and/or human beings were invented. It&amp;amp;#146;s like the apple juice of booze. It just TASTES good, man! Like a flower exploding in your mouth, or something. It&amp;amp;#146;s neutral enough that it goes with anything you might be eating, and if not, time to change what you&amp;#039;re eating. Effervescent, it doesn&amp;amp;#146;t give you the lingering heavy, bloated feeling that beer does, or the hangover that Champagne does, or the blues that straight liquor (occasionally) does. You&amp;amp;#146;d have to drink a ton of white wine before you start feeling sad or fat, and it doesn&amp;amp;#146;t get you hammered immediately like one liquor-based drink sometimes does.  Other alcoholic beverages are simply subpar. Cocktails are a crapshoot, particularly at A) Dive bars or B) Those upscale hipster places that pride themselves on their &amp;amp;#147;unique&amp;amp;#148; mixed drinks, where a dude who looks like he&amp;amp;#146;s in Mumford and Sons hands you something disgusting-looking in a Mason jar and you give him three hundred dollars for it. White wine is white wine wherever you go. No matter where I am, when I am holding a glass of Riesling the size of a fish tank and oversharing about the weird-looking penis of a person who never texted me back, I am home.    The quality of white wine may vary slightly, but I challenge the average twentysomething wine drinker to do a blind taste test of &amp;amp;#147;cheap&amp;amp;#148; and &amp;amp;#147;expensive&amp;amp;#148; white wines and tell the difference. You can&amp;amp;#146;t. It&amp;amp;#146;s much easier to tell with red wine, plus red wine stains your lips and tongue, and then you&amp;amp;#146;re on a date and go to the bathroom and notice you have had purple-mouth for the last hour and scream.   Not everyone is readily embracing white wine like me. You can tell a lot about a person from &amp;amp;#151; well, not necessarily what they actually drink, but what they say they drink. Some women actually like drinking whiskey straight, or keg beer, and then there are those women who are super-vocal about how much they l00000ve drinking whiskey and &amp;amp;#147;guy drinks&amp;amp;#148; and hate that &amp;amp;#147;girly crap&amp;amp;#148; but you never seem to see them with said whiskey or beer. You know what you see them with? White wine. You know why? BECAUSE WHITE WINE IS THE SHIT. Anyway, bye.   Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say To A Single Twentysomething 21 Problems Only Single Women Understand   Follow Anna on Twitter.   Photo Credit: Gallerystock "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a5657/ode-to-white-wine/>