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"  My husband and I are in our 20s and have been married for two years. While he has a larger sex drive than I do, it&amp;#039;s never been a problem until recently. He has several pornographic DVDs that he frequently masturbates to, but when we do have sex, he can&amp;#039;t perform. He doesn&amp;#039;t seem to think it&amp;#039;s a problem that he can&amp;#039;t maintain an erection with his wife, but has no trouble when he masturbates. I have tried to spice things up in the bedroom, but I can&amp;#039;t bring myself to act like a porn star, which is what he seems to enjoy. How can we get our sex life back on track? -- J. W., 28, Pittsburgh I took the liberty of consulting someone who can speak with more authority than I can about your situation. Danna W. Schaeffer, a licensed professional counselor in Portland, OR, has seen a number of couples with just this problem; she believes that it can be treated with professional help. Porn addiction isn&amp;#039;t uncommon (thank you, Internet!), and it also isn&amp;#039;t an easy habit to kick. The kind of graphic material available online these days -- and on the DVDs that your husband uses -- can take people to extremes of excitation very quickly. And once you get hooked on that, lesser stimulation simply doesn&amp;#039;t work. It sounds as if that&amp;#039;s what might be going on here.   A cognitive-behavioral therapist may be able to help your husband become refocused on you, as well as help the two of you create a sex life that&amp;#039;s satisfying for you both, but won&amp;#039;t require you to do anything you&amp;#039;re not into (such as acting like a porn star). Schaeffer adds that if you think of this as a problem that you share -- and are solving together -- there&amp;#039;s a better chance for long-lasting change.   As serious as this is, it&amp;#039;s actually positive that you know about your husband&amp;#039;s habit, that he isn&amp;#039;t being particularly secretive about it, and that you&amp;#039;re talking about what&amp;#039;s going on. It speaks of a genuine connection between the two of you, which, at the end of the day, is the basis of a truly successful marriage and sex life. Award-winning writer Karen Karbo is the author of How to Hepburn: Lessons on Living from Kate the Great. She&amp;#039;s also a mom, a writing teacher, and a horse owner. Send your questions to her at: The Hard Stuff, REDBOOK, 300 W. 57th St., New York, NY 10019 or karenkarbo@redbookmag.com . Letters may be edited for clarity and length, and must include your initials, age, city, and state. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a3472/hs-porn-destroyed-our-sex-life/>