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"  Lindsay Lohan tweets to thousands about her ta-tas. Heidi Montag gets plastic surgery and CNN reports. It&amp;#039;s the age of poorly behaved, panty-flashing train wrecks. As a social chronicler for many New York publications and an international jet-setter who&amp;#039;s breached the upper echelons with style, wit, and an admirable ability to down yet another flute of champagne, Derek Blasberg&amp;#039;s seen it all. &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m shocked by how many supposedly sophisticated girls don&amp;#039;t know their water glass from their wine, or who believe menstrual cycles are appropriate cocktail conversation,&amp;quot; says the 27-year-old New York University grad from Missouri. Now Blasberg&amp;#039;s compiled everything he&amp;#039;s learned from Hollywood, fashion, and high society in Classy, a guide to becoming a true lady. &amp;quot;Modern society has put such an emphasis on inappropriate behavior that it seemed like the right time to remind young women how to behave,&amp;quot; Blasberg says. &amp;quot;Even if you&amp;#039;re a trashy tramp, you can still grow up to be a lady.&amp;quot;           NEXT: WHAT NEVER TO HAVE IN A BAG WHAT NEVER TO HAVE IN A BAG \u2022 Nothing used or personally consumed\u2014such as food you didn&amp;#039;t like and spit into a napkin, condoms, etc. \u2022 Pictures of an ex-boyfriend or anything else stalkerish \u2022 Drugs or illegal substances \u2022 Stolen merchandise \u2022 Paternity test results \u2022 Tabloid magazines. We all read them, but let&amp;#039;s not own up to it in public. \u2022 Dirt, scum, or stenches \u2022 Worn underwear \u2022 Imodium and/or industrial-strength laxatives, or any other intestinal narcotic. If something is wrong down there, stay home until it&amp;#039;s running smoothly. \u2022 Remember: How a girl treats her bag is how she might treat a boy. (Even dirty, kinky boys draw the line somewhere.) NEXT: DECODING THE DRESS CODE  DECODING THE DRESS CODE Casual At a family Christmas party, casual might mean that you should break out your &amp;quot;fancy&amp;quot; sweatpants. On a more traditional invitation, however, casual doesn&amp;#039;t mean looking like you just spent the afternoon lounging around the house watching Roseanne reruns. You should still be wearing unwrinkled clothes, a bra, and shoes that have soles. Cocktail Just because it&amp;#039;s called &amp;quot;cocktail&amp;quot; does not mean you should dress to get drunk. This isn&amp;#039;t a keg party. Slacks are okay, but no jeans. Something more formal\u2014like, ahem, the aptly named cocktail dress\u2014is certainly more appropriate. If you have a job, going from the office to a cocktail party can be as simple as putting on a nice pair of heels and a large brooch.  NEXT: TOP 5 NOT CLASSY TEXT MESSAGES  TOP 5 NOT CLASSY TEXT MESSAGES 1.  I wanna hav babies w u sexy bitch. 2. [Sent at 2 a.m.] Wanna cum ova and watch TV??? Nothin funny promise. 3. Sorry to here ur gma died. Sux. 4. My fav song is &amp;quot;when I think about u I touch myself&amp;quot; Wanna kno y? 5. Baaaabe, I didn&amp;#039;t know she was ur friend. I was thinking of u the whole time. I love u so much. NEXT: CLASSY QUIZ  CLASSY QUIZ 1. Your favorite topic of conversation at dinner is: a. Current events. b.  Bad breakups. c. Colonics and other bodily fluids. 2. You&amp;#039;re going to the beach with friends. You pack: a.  A one-piece swimsuit with an extra-long sarong and men&amp;#039;s black T-shirt to wear over the whole look. Tan lines be damned. b. A cute tankini that shows a bit of skin but has a generous amount of coverage. c.  A thong string bikini and a white T-shirt\u2014for the wet T-shirt contest, obviously. 3. Your sister is getting married, and at the wedding you wear: a.  A long dress with long sleeves and no jewelry whatsoever. b. A cute dress in a bright color that makes you feel pretty. c. A sexy white dress slit up to your thighs. Why should your tramp of a sister get all the attention today? 4. You&amp;#039;re throwing a party. What&amp;#039;s the first thing you do? a.  Send out a mass e-mail a few hours before you want people to come over, put out leftovers, and dust off your couch. b.  Check some dates with your friends, making sure that everyone&amp;#039;s schedules line up. Then send out a save-the-date e-mail. c.  Call everyone you know to ask about a date, send a save-the-date, panic about color coordinating, and immediately start to curse friends you know won&amp;#039;t come dressed in theme. [If you answer (c) to more than two, you&amp;#039;re in trouble.] "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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