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"So let&amp;#x27;s just get it out of the way: tonight&amp;#x27;s episode was so boring that I can&amp;#x27;t imagine what a snooze these hometown visits were before producers added menacing music to all the picnic table scenes.Really. If Emily did that all without caffeine, hats off to her. I would have fallen asleep on the spot--violent head-jerking, mumbling-fake-words-in-an-effort-to-seem-awake involuntary asleep. Yes, I&amp;#x27;ll love more smarmonade, Missus Pipples. Anyway, let&amp;#x27;s do our best. The awards show must go on. Best meet-the-parents outfit: Emily, Chris&amp;#x27;s visit Note the layering, bright pants and picture frame in tow. You know who probably appreciated this attention to detail? Best Bachelor-watching mom: Chris&amp;#x27;s This lady has seen the show. While all the other parents danced around their sons&amp;#x27; privacy, Mrs. Chris&amp;#x27;s mom told him to &amp;quot;get in there and kick ass&amp;quot; and then whispered dark secrets into his ear. Most perplexed dad: Chris&amp;#x27;s Meanwhile, Pappa Chris was like, Why so fuss? In my day, I just open this second button, and the women, they run to me. Doesn&amp;#x27;t have a sister who looks vaguely like Emily award: Sean and Arie Tough break for Chris and Jef, but congrats to Sean and Arie! Most bored sister award: Arie&amp;#x27;s Couldn&amp;#x27;t care less that a camera crew is in her house. In fact, I almost think the wine glass has been digitally swapped in for a cell phone here, because that is such a texting face/stance. Right? Most cringeworthy line: Chris I can&amp;#x27;t help it. My brain draws a straight line between a man who will say &amp;quot;You make me feel good... like, crazy good&amp;quot; and a man who will spend more time than you trying on jeans. Best backyard: Jef Well played, Jef. And well played, America. Worst message: Guns are hot Emily says Jef looks hot holding a gun. Jef says Emily looks hot holding a gun. Take away everybody&amp;#x27;s looks, and you&amp;#x27;re left with a domestic dispute. And Chris Harrison won&amp;#x27;t be at home with you forever to referee, guys. He&amp;#x27;ll only stay four years, or until the Disaronno runs out, whichever comes first. Best message: Fire safety with Emily and Jef These two just like to get fire preparation out of the way before they kiss. As you can see here, they&amp;#x27;ve already stopped and dropped. Something tells me the roll went on for a while. Gold medal for rudeness: Arie&amp;#x27;s mom Speaking Dutch at length in front of Emily was hilariously impolite, but I bet Emily wished the lady would have stuck to that once she started speaking English. &amp;quot;Usually the one who is being proposed to... is not the Bachelorette.&amp;quot; Lovely. Best Real Housewives audition: Arie&amp;#x27;s mom But I get where she was going with it. After doling out the kind of sneaky verbal abuse that makes a Bravo exec jump over his desk, she turned this camera into a catwalk destination. I can only assume the man behind it, after accidentally meeting her cold-eyed-gaze, soiled his pants. Lamest prank: Sean I&amp;#x27;m mad about this on so many levels. First of all, I really wanted it to be true that he lived with his parents. Second of all, this prank was entirely too mellow. It went on for like 17 minutes. It mostly involved nice people keeping straight faces. Emily didn&amp;#x27;t react in the least. I think the real joke must have been on Sean&amp;#x27;s mother, since I cannot fathom that any woman would be like, oh, that&amp;#x27;ll be hilarious, I don&amp;#x27;t mind at all that the only room of my home seen by millions will feature a crumbled-up M&amp;amp;M cookie! No. Worst new habit, Sean Sean, I really dislike how running after Emily and bellowing her name in this odd, fake voice is becoming your thing. It&amp;#x27;s mortifying. All the neighbors saw you trot and call out in your weird lion bellow, and now your parents are going to have to skip the block party. Best backyard, do-over: Sean Jef, this is awkward. Upon seeing Sean&amp;#x27;s niece&amp;#x27;s custom home, I&amp;#x27;m going to need your best backyard award back. You can keep your private Grand Canyon--give me tiny shutters. We wrapped by saying goodbye to poor Chris. Did you guys expect him to go? I was actually a little shocked... I thought Sean was out for sure. More on The Bachelorette... Let&amp;#x27;s Officially Decide Who Will Win The Bachelorette (Tonight, We&amp;#x27;re Down to the Final Four!) The Bachelorette: May I Present to You the Most Awkward Kiss of All Time The Bachelorette: Beard Fangs and the Ballad of the Trophy Wives P.S. Want more Obsessed? Sign up for our awesome daily newsletter that features the latest celebrity gossip, TV news, hilarious Internet sensations, and more! Photo: ABC"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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