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"  When couples make love, fight, hug, even eat, their bodies speak volumes about the state of their relationship. Learn to interpret his silent signals \u2014 and send a tender message with yours.  Here, what your body language in some everyday situations might say about your marriage, and how to be sure you&amp;#039;re sending your man loving silent messages.  Situation 1: The Hello KissGood signs &amp;quot;Soft lips that linger just an extra second clearly say, &amp;#039;I&amp;#039;m happy to see you and I wish we could do more of this,&amp;#039;&amp;quot; says Susan Quilliam, author of Body Language Secrets: Read the Signals and Find Love, Wealth and Happiness. Notice, too, whether other body parts get into the act. &amp;quot;People express warmth by hugging with their full bodies,&amp;quot; says Stella Resnick, Ph.D., a Los Angeles-based psychotherapist and author of The Pleasure Zone: Why We Resist Good Feelings &amp;amp;amp; How to Let Go and Be Happy. &amp;quot;They press their hearts together to reestablish their intimacy after spending time apart.&amp;quot;  Warning signals  &amp;quot;Kissing with hard, closed lips communicates tension and avoidance of intimacy,&amp;quot; says Quilliam. &amp;quot;Hugging&amp;quot; with most of your bodies separated is also a sign of obligation, not intimacy. Explains Dr. Resnick: &amp;quot;Your chest can become concave as your heart literally pulls away from the other person.&amp;quot;  Ways to send a more loving message Okay, so the spaghetti&amp;#039;s turning to mush and your kid just spilled his juice. Try to remember that your together-again greeting sets the tone for the evening ahead. Kisses that barely brush your partner&amp;#039;s lips send an &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m just doing this because I have to&amp;quot; message. &amp;quot;Instead, make a conscious effort to kiss and hug your husband hello with the same enthusiasm with which you greet your kids,&amp;quot; says Julius Fast, the author of Body Language, one of the first books on the subject. And be sure to follow it up with some generous eye contact. &amp;quot;A long, loving gaze says: &amp;#039;I&amp;#039;m putting my day behind me and focusing on us,&amp;#039;&amp;quot; explains Dr. Resnick. Situation 2: Dining OutGood signs &amp;quot;At a restaurant, it&amp;#039;s easy to spot contented couples, and the same is true at home,&amp;quot; says Fast. &amp;quot;They&amp;#039;re the ones sitting side-by-side or catty-corner, maintaining their closeness even if several kids are also at the table.&amp;quot; If the table is small enough, sitting across from each other can also be intimate. And no matter how hectic dinner is, the couple continually acknowledges each other&amp;#039;s presence with a glance, a smile and what experts call an &amp;quot;eyebrow flash,&amp;quot; which Martin Lloyd-Elliott, author of Secrets of Sexual Body Language, defines as &amp;quot;a spontaneous signal of positive recognition.&amp;quot; He adds, &amp;quot;If you don&amp;#039;t flash the other person, he may feel bad without even knowing why.&amp;quot;  Warning signals Take a look at your paces. You may still be sitting together, but if you&amp;#039;re only halfway through your chicken breast and he&amp;#039;s already on his tea and biscotti, the much-desired synchronicity \u2014 a mirroring of movements observed in happy couples \u2014 is nowhere to be found. Next, look at placement. If you&amp;#039;re at opposite ends of a long table, you may be in conflict over who&amp;#039;s the boss, if only on a subconscious level, says Fast. Where the children sit also counts. If your spouse is on one side and your baby is in a high chair on the other, you&amp;#039;re going to be spending most of the meal with your back turned to your husband.  Ways to send a more loving message To change the dinnertime dynamic, change your seat. Move the high chair so that the baby is between you; this way you can feed her and look at your husband at the same time. And be sure to catch your husband&amp;#039;s eye and smile every few minutes. Better yet, says Dr. Resnick, &amp;quot;When you first sit down, connect with a moment that&amp;#039;s just for the two of you. Take your husband&amp;#039;s face in your hands and give him a kiss. The loving feelings you generate in those 30 seconds will last through dinner and way beyond. Situation 3: An ArgumentGood signs &amp;quot;When happily married couples fight, they use very different body language from those who are unhappy,&amp;quot; says Quilliam. They may, for instance, look enraged, but they also look emotionally engaged. Their torsos are facing each other, and they make frequent eye contact. Their body language says, &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m not going to run away just because we&amp;#039;re having an argument. We love each other, so let&amp;#039;s resolve this now.&amp;quot;  Warning signals Certain types of body language indicate problems that go beyond the issue at hand. &amp;quot;If your husband is baring his teeth or jabbing his finger at your chest, he may be unconsciously trying to threaten you into submission \u2014 even if he doesn&amp;#039;t actually touch you,&amp;quot; says Dr. Resnick. Be wary, too, if he&amp;#039;s turning his body away, wearing a glazed expression or darting his eyes around the room. All of those signals mean he has stopped listening and started planning his escape from the dialogue.  Just as damaging are the more subtle signs of disapproval that many spouses display. Literally looking down your nose at your partner sends the message that you think he&amp;#039;s inferior, while rolling your eyes and crossing your arms says, &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m not going to listen to what you have to say, because it&amp;#039;s worthless.&amp;quot; Crinkling your nose also tells him you think that he and his line of reasoning stink. &amp;quot;You may not even realize that you&amp;#039;re sending those messages,&amp;quot; says Dr. Resnick. &amp;quot;But your spouse can read them in a flash.&amp;quot;   Perhaps the most dangerous sign is no sign at all. Explains Quilliam: &amp;quot;If your husband is showing signs of disinterest, it means that he&amp;#039;s no longer engaged emotionally \u2014 and you&amp;#039;re not likely to ever resolve the issue you&amp;#039;re arguing about.&amp;quot;  Ways to send a more loving message If you want to resolve an argument, your body language has to say, &amp;quot;I love you, and I&amp;#039;m listening.&amp;quot; Start by taking a few deep breaths. &amp;quot;This gives you a moment to make sure your body is sending the right message,&amp;quot; explains Dr. Resnick.   Next, make your body language more friendly. &amp;quot;Align your body with your husband&amp;#039;s, drop your arms, lean toward him and nod your head. He&amp;#039;ll feel truly listened to,&amp;quot; says Dr. Resnick.   If he&amp;#039;s not being attentive while you speak, gently draw him in with a touch on the arm or by holding his hand until you make eye contact. This is especially important when you&amp;#039;re trying to reach an agreement. &amp;quot;If your eyes haven&amp;#039;t locked,&amp;quot; explains Dr. Resnick, &amp;quot;the deal isn&amp;#039;t sealed.&amp;quot;   Should his body language grow aggressive, Resnick suggests you gently lay a hand on his arm, look into his eyes and say, &amp;quot;I really wish we weren&amp;#039;t arguing.&amp;quot; Don&amp;#039;t underestimate the power of this gesture. Many men respond aggressively when they feel anxious, threatened or afraid. A calming movement from you lets him know you&amp;#039;re as unhappy to be arguing as he is, and that you&amp;#039;re with him \u2014 not against him. Situation 4: Watching TV or ReadingGood signs &amp;quot;You can tell if a couple are in love by how they sit together \u2014 and they don&amp;#039;t necessarily have to be draped all over each other,&amp;quot; says Fast. &amp;quot;Even if a happily married couple is sitting at opposite ends of the couch, they still keep in touch with frequent glances, and their bodies will tend to be angled toward each other. If one crosses a leg, the other is likely to cross the opposite leg, forming a circle.&amp;quot;  That&amp;#039;s because loving couples instinctively mirror each other&amp;#039;s body language. &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s almost as if they&amp;#039;re physically saying that they&amp;#039;re one,&amp;quot; says Fast. Wait: Don&amp;#039;t panic if you remember that last night you and the guy you thought you were perfectly happy with watched Friends with your legs crossed away from each other. &amp;quot;Body language has to be considered in context, warns Qulliam. &amp;quot;It might simply be uncomfortable for your husband to cross his leg in one direction, or he might be so exhausted that he needs to lie down on the couch by himself. What&amp;#039;s important is that you both send out regular signals that say, &amp;#039;I know you&amp;#039;re there, and I love you.&amp;#039;&amp;quot;   Warning signals With unhappy couples, that sense of connection is simply missing. &amp;quot;Their bodies tend to face away from each other,&amp;quot; comments Fast. Instead of using the commercial breaks to &amp;quot;talk and reconnect, they try to escape \u2014 by getting up, opening a magazine or flipping channels with the remote.&amp;quot;  Ways to send a more loving message &amp;quot;Be sure your own body is angled toward your husband&amp;#039;s,&amp;quot; says Quilliam. &amp;quot;If he doesn&amp;#039;t respond by mirroring you, stretch your arm toward him along the back of the couch.&amp;quot;   Or try this surprising way to reconnect: Play peekaboo. This sort of childlike flirting can be fun -- and successful. &amp;quot;Peekaboo is so powerful, because eye contact is the core of communication,&amp;quot; says Lloyd-Elliott. &amp;quot;Establishing it, then temporarily taking it away, is thrilling to toddlers \u2014 and to grown men.&amp;quot; Stare sexily at your husband over the top of your magazine until he feels your eyes and turns toward you. Then slowly raise the magazine until it covers your eyes, wait a beat, then lower it. &amp;quot;Your eyes will lock,&amp;quot; says Lloyd-Elliott. &amp;quot;Raise your eyebrows in invitation, and you may not get to finish the article you were reading. Situation 5: Making LoveGood signs When a happily married couple make love, more than just their bodies meet. &amp;quot;Eye contact is the most important contact there is,&amp;quot; explains Dr. Resnick. &amp;quot;If you don&amp;#039;t have it, none of the other contact means anything.&amp;quot; They also reward each other with the body language of pleasure \u2014 unashamed movements that say, &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s bliss to be touched by you.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;You still need to discuss your preferences,&amp;quot; says Quilliam. &amp;quot;But using body language makes it much easier to get into sexual sync.&amp;quot;  Warning signals &amp;quot;Eyes clamped shut, and stiffness, especially in the neck and the shoulders, communicate coldness and anxiety,&amp;quot; comments Lloyd-Elliott.  Ways to send a more loving message &amp;quot;There will naturally be times when you need to close your eyes so you can concentrate on your own experience,&amp;quot; says Lloyd-Elliott. &amp;quot;But keep in mind that your husband is desperate to know if he&amp;#039;s giving you pleasure, and he wants to be able to see it in your eyes.&amp;quot;  Situation 6: Taking a WalkGood signs Loving couples walk in step, says Quilliam, a synchronization that makes them feel totally in tune. (Research has shown that even the heart rates of happy couples are often in sync.)   Warning signals &amp;quot;If one spouse consistently walks several feet ahead of the other, it can be an expression of hostility, or at least a lack of connection,&amp;quot; says Dr. Resnick. The same holds if one partner veers off to cross a street, failing to signal what he&amp;#039;s doing via verbal or body language -- his hand on your arm, your tap on his shoulder. &amp;quot;They&amp;#039;re not tuned in to each other, and they don&amp;#039;t particularly care. It&amp;#039;s like their body language is saying, &amp;#039;I&amp;#039;ll go my way, you go yours.&amp;#039; And that probably applies at home, too,&amp;quot; says Dr. Resnick.  Ways to send a more loving message Holding hands will help get your feet in step with each other. Impossible, you say \u2014 you&amp;#039;ve got two kids to hold on to. Lloyd-Elliott says not to be deterred: Have your children hold your outside hands so that you and your husband stay connected in between them. And give his hand an occasional squeeze. &amp;quot;In our daily lives, the little body-language gestures are often forgotten,&amp;quot; says Dr. Resnick. &amp;quot;But those are the ones that help you maintain good feelings about each other.&amp;quot; And those positive vibrations are the undercurrent of all truly happy marriages. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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