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"Can you imagine missing your spouse so much that, if he or she died, you simply could not get on with your life? That&amp;#039;s exactly the case for many people according to this recent New York Times article entitled,&amp;quot;After a Death, The Pain That Doesn&amp;#039;t Go Away&amp;quot;.  For some people, their life (or lack of life) becomes about never experiencing joy after their loved one passes. It goes on to say that cognitive behavior therapy - a unique exposure/response treatment - is more effective than even traditional antidepressants. &amp;quot;In a 2005 study in The Journal of the American Medical Association, Dr. Shear presented evidence that the treatment was twice as effective as the traditional interpersonal therapy used to treat depression or bereavement, and that it worked faster. The study supported earlier suggestions that complicated grief might actually be different not only from normal grief but also from other disorders like post-traumatic stress and major depression.&amp;quot; I can&amp;#039;t predict how I&amp;#039;d feel about losing Rex. I can say, however, that I know what it&amp;#039;s like to lose certain things dear to me: My father, many parents from my childhood, a few jobs that really validated me on a personal and professional level. Perhaps the hardest thing for me to lose was my vision of what I thought parenting would be like. While I was certain I&amp;#039;d love my children no matter what (and I do... so much that it hurts) I was not prepared for the heartstrings and potential syndromes that might accompany their growth. All I saw at their birth, was this perfect little package. What could possible go wrong? They were so beautiful...an empty canvass I was certain would only be filled with the brightest of colors... the most breathtaking drawings... The future was theirs. Of course they are still perfect, imperfections and all. And yet I am realizing that I still have not let go of my image of what child rearing would be like. And that is not fair - not to them, not to me, and most certainly not to Rex who sometimes loses out when I stress over things I simply cannot change. And would I, if I could, really want things to change? After all, isn&amp;#039;t accepting &amp;quot;imperfection&amp;quot; what being &amp;quot;human&amp;quot; is all about? For all of you out there who are grieving, whether it be over a death of a marriage, a death of a husband, a death of a job or a death of an ideal that couldn&amp;#039;t possible stand up in this very real world of disappointments and tragedy, I urge you to forge ahead. I urge you to keep the faith. I urge you to make apologies... to forgive others...and to forgive yourselves. If I give myself anything for my 40th birthday, serenity would be it. And with it, a hot sex life once again - one not dulled by panic or anxiety or fifty miligrams of Zoloft. I want to be alive again for Rex... but most importantly, for me. Happy Tuesday! "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/a3124/what-are-you-grieving/>