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"  Hey moms, I&amp;#039;m new to this \u2014 my kid&amp;#039;s just four months old \u2014 but this judge-y stuff? I get it. It starts the second after you say, &amp;quot;We&amp;#039;re having a baby!&amp;quot; (sooner if, like me, you didn&amp;#039;t have one within the first two years of being married).  Before my baby was born, the mom vs. mom stuff just seemed like petty sniping and holier-than-thou criticism. Why did that mom seem so defensive about daycare? Why did that other mom tsk-tsk that her sister&amp;#039;s kids sleep in their parents&amp;#039; bed? Come on, people, who cares?  But here&amp;#039;s what I didn&amp;#039;t get until I was actually holding my baby (awkwardly) and looking around with my bloodshot eyes: Being a parent is all-consuming and totally baffling, and any shred of success makes you feel like you have not been consumed, body and soul, by this small creature. So what is that crazy other mom doing with her baby in that crappy carrier? I should tell her that the one I have works so much better! She will be so relieved.  See, I think that a lot of the judgment comes from finally feeling confident in ourselves \u2014 and the rest comes from the sneaking suspicion that we don&amp;#039;t know what we&amp;#039;re doing, so we look around to see how other people are getting through the day. Either way, it so, so easily becomes about what another mom is doing wrong.  So here&amp;#039;s what I think we need to do: Give ourselves a break, and in turn, we&amp;#039;ll end up giving each other a break. When you&amp;#039;re feeling a little judgey \u2014 and please, I have a four-month-old and I know nothing and even I feel it \u2014 just give yourself what, deep down, you&amp;#039;re really trying to get: a pat on the back for figuring out what works for you. Call your best friend and have her tell you you&amp;#039;re a good mom, if you&amp;#039;d believe it more from her.  And when you get judged, well, pat yourself on the back then too. Why? Because whatever you did to spark the head shaking and eyebrow raising, it was you, being a parent, figuring it all out. Nice job. Sarah Smith is the Deputy Editor of REDBOOK. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/life/mom-kids/news/a14700/why-we-judge/?src=rss>