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"  ANDREW SOLOMON DEAR GEORGE, BLAINE, LUCY, AND OLIVER, My mother liked to say, &amp;quot;The love for your children is like no other feeling in the world, and until you have children, you don&amp;#039;t know what it feels like.&amp;quot; When I was a child, I took that as the highest compliment in the world; it meant that raising my brother and me had been the great joy of her life. When I was an adolescent, those words made me anxious. I thought I might be gay, and that I therefore might not have children, and I wondered whether I would miss out on life&amp;#039;s best experience. When I was in my 20s and had come out of the closet, her words made me furious. I told her that she knew I was gay, that I wasn&amp;#039;t on a path that included children, and that she should keep her view to herself. But she never stopped saying it. &amp;quot;The love for your children is like no other feeling in the world, and until you have children, you don&amp;#039;t know what it feels like.&amp;quot; My parents struggled with my being gay, and at the time, I experienced their discomfort as a lack of love. Now older and wiser, I know that they always loved me, and that what we were grappling with was acceptance. It took them a while, but they got there. It was a tough time for us all\u2014for them because of the pain my identity caused them, and for me because to feel unsupported by your parents is a deeply tragic business. Each of you four children is a wonder, and I will try so hard not to make mistakes. But all parents do. My parents tried their hardest, and things were still not perfect. I don&amp;#039;t think I will recapitulate my parents&amp;#039; errors, but in some ways, what I learned from my own childhood is how to be a father to me, and what I need now is to know how to be a father to you. All parenting involves changing our children. We teach you to brush your teeth, we educate you, we attempt to instill some basic moral principles. And at the same time, we try to see you clearly and appreciate you for who you are. My parents shouldn&amp;#039;t have tried to change my being gay; they should have celebrated that. But they didn&amp;#039;t know. I&amp;#039;ll strive to change you in the ways that require changing and not in the ways that require celebrating. And I hope that I&amp;#039;ll have the wisdom to know the difference as often as possible. It&amp;#039;s also a child&amp;#039;s job to change his or her parents. You have already changed me beyond recognition. There are days when it&amp;#039;s difficult to accept the fact that my previous identities have become in some sense obsolete, but I love being a father, and I especially love being your father. Not only do I love you all unconditionally, but also, I like you so much. You are all such kind people, the sort of people who make the world better and more interesting. I genuinely believe that you warrant every ounce of affection and praise I&amp;#039;m able to give you. As it turns out, my mother was right. The love for your children is like no other feeling in the world, and until you have children, you don&amp;#039;t know what it feels like. And now I know, and it&amp;#039;s the joy of my life. All my love, Daddy \u2014Andrew Solomon is father to Oliver, 13, Lucy, 10, Blaine, 6, and George, 5. He won the National Book Award for The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression; his most recent book is Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity. BRYANT TERRY MILA, As I packed this slice of persimmon Bundt cake for your lunch, it struck me how amazing it is that elements from my Southern roots and your mom&amp;#039;s Asian culture come together so beautifully\u2026 kinda like you. \u2014Chef Bryant Terry is the author of the new cookbook Afro-Vegan. Get his recipe for persimmon Bundt cake at redbookmag.com/dadrecipes.  WILLIE GEIST FROM: DAD TO: LUCIE AND GEORGE I was going to come in the other room and talk to you, but you looked pretty busy on the iPad. Actually speaking to loved ones is so old-fashioned, anyway. (By the time the two of you are parents, your thoughts simply will be beamed to your children, thereby eliminating the need for inconvenient family interaction.) So I&amp;#039;m sending this bit of fatherly advice by text. If I don&amp;#039;t hear back, I&amp;#039;ll DM you on Twitter L8R. First: Treat everyone with respek, whether ur meeting POTUS or ordering from the guy at the Wendy&amp;#039;s drive-thru (and always get me a Frosty while ur there). Study points of view different from yours. Don&amp;#039;t have to agree with them, but don&amp;#039;t dismiss them. Never pass up a chance to enjoy chips and fresh guacamole. Turns out flossing is more important than it seems. Do it frequently. Learn to drive stick, to play pool, poker &amp;amp;amp; blackjack, and to open a beer without an opener. Laugh as much as humanly possible. Hit me back. YOLO. FOMO. NATO. \u2014Willie Geist is father to Lucie, 6, and George, 4. He&amp;#039;s the cohost of MSNBC&amp;#039;s Morning Joe and NBC&amp;#039;s Today show, and coauthor with his father, Bill, of the new book Good Talk, Dad. CHRIS PAVONE ALEX, When you were an infant, you were very angry. You cried and screamed much of the time, sometimes for hours on end. We often joked that when your brother, Sam, wrote his memoir, the title would be Inconsolable: My Life With Alex. Then you learned to talk and your anger subsided. Once you could make your desires known, you felt a lot more comfortable in the world and no longer had to scream at everyone all the time. But still, you weren&amp;#039;t what anyone would call a flexible toddler. For a couple of years, one of your passions was the color orange. You insisted that everything be orange: your drawing pad, your plate, your sheets, and your outfits\u2014from head to toe. Then one morning when you were about 4 years old, you made a very important advance. You dressed yourself wearing only a single orange item. &amp;quot;I love orange,&amp;quot; you explained, &amp;quot;but orange is a very powerful color, and I don&amp;#039;t want to make people sick!&amp;quot; I don&amp;#039;t know where you got the idea that someone might become physically ill from your all-orange ensemble. Were you imagining classmates throwing up at the sight of you? I never asked. But I do know that this is when you started to express an understanding of how your behavior affected others. A half-dozen years later, you are one of the most empathetic people I&amp;#039;ve ever known, which may be my favorite thing about you. One day on our walk to school last year, passing the same panhandler we pass many days, you asked me, &amp;quot;Daddy, can I give that man some money?&amp;quot; Did you have any, I wondered? &amp;quot;Yes&amp;quot;\u2014you pulled out a dollar\u2014&amp;quot;my allowance.&amp;quot; I couldn&amp;#039;t believe that you&amp;#039;d plotted this out ahead of time, that it must have been on your mind. Yes, I said, struggling not to cry, please do. That was when I started doing the same thing, occasionally giving to other folks in need, on other corners. I now try to see the world through your eyes instead of my own, to look at people with innocence and empathy instead of cynicism and criticism. I can&amp;#039;t be sure what exactly it is that I&amp;#039;ve taught you, but I know what you&amp;#039;ve taught me. \u2014Chris Pavone is the best-selling author of The Expats. His new novel is The Accident.   TERRY CREWS DEAR KIDS, I&amp;#039;m writing this letter to your future selves, to be read when you&amp;#039;ve met the love of your life and are ready to start a family. The most important advice I can give you is to make a home where everyone feels heard and respected\u2014and that starts with your marriage. I didn&amp;#039;t always understand this, but thankfully I had your mom to teach me. For much of my life, I focused on being the tough guy\u2014stronger, faster, larger than life\u2014on the football field, then in Hollywood. When my acting career took off, I started to get an attitude. Dressing a certain way, worrying about my look, acting like I was &amp;quot;Hollywood&amp;quot;\u2014you know, some big star. Your mother put up with it for a little while, until one night, before a party, I had the nerve to tell her how she should dress. When we got there, I was all swagger, not listening to anyone, just thinking about what I was going to say next and how clever it was going to be. As soon as we left, she set me straight. She said she wouldn&amp;#039;t go out with me again if I continued to behave that way, because it wasn&amp;#039;t me. She had the courage to call me out and keep me real, one of many times she&amp;#039;s done so. I hope you, my daughters, never take a backseat to any man. I&amp;#039;ll always be there to remind you of your value. I hope you, my son, never buy into the lie that your physical strength somehow puts you above the woman in your life. Know that a truly strong man is able to admit when he is wrong. I hope that you all find a love like your mother and I have been lucky enough to share. It is so much more valuable than any success you can ever achieve. \u2014Terry Crews is also father to Naomi, 27, Tera, 23, Azriel, 16, and Wynfrey, 11. His upcoming memoir is titled Manhood.  JASON BIGGS SID,  I wanted to write you a note on our progress as a father/son team now that you&amp;#039;re 4 months old. I, for one, am having a blast. Judging by your chuckles and coos and general inability to control your bowels when I&amp;#039;m around, I&amp;#039;d say you&amp;#039;re having fun too. But I want to prepare you for a time when things won&amp;#039;t be as easy between us. You see, your daddy\u2014despite his very best efforts\u2014will make mistakes. It is just one of life&amp;#039;s many inevitabilities. Now, I know what you&amp;#039;re thinking: impossible! Not my daddy! He&amp;#039;s so strong and handsome and funny\u2026 and handsome! Well, sure. But your daddy is also human. And being that he is a first-time parent, he is learning as he goes. (First thing he should probably learn: Stop speaking in the third person.) These mistakes will be subtle or obvious. You will shrug them off or you may never forget them. Perhaps, like my father when I was small, I will lose you on a crowded beach, leaving you to wander for what seems like days. You&amp;#039;ll have just resigned yourself to becoming one of those weird old dudes who scavenges the beach with a metal detector when you&amp;#039;ll be grabbed by a lifeguard who will hold you up, Lion King\u2013style, shouting, &amp;quot;Has anyone lost this kid?!&amp;quot; And I&amp;#039;ll come running, shouting back, &amp;quot;Yes! Yes! He&amp;#039;s mine!&amp;quot; I can&amp;#039;t predict how I will mess up. But I assure you that everything I do, every decision I make, will be filled with love. And if you are ever unhappy with me, I encourage you to let me know, so that I may make the necessary changes. I leave you with an apology, for my future mis steps: Sorry, kiddo. I promise to do better next time. Love always, Daddy P.S. I&amp;#039;m also sorry for using the word inevitabilities. I imagine you&amp;#039;re gonna have to look that one up. \u2014Jason Biggs returns as Larry Bloom in the upcoming season of Orange Is the New Black. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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