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"I mentioned yesterday what a complete wreck I was at the mediator&amp;#039;s office. What I didn&amp;#039;t tell you is how surprised I was to find myself that way. What the heck? We&amp;#039;ve been separated for three years! It&amp;#039;s not like this is all just happening and I came home and found him moving out. He&amp;#039;s been gone awhile, moved in with the woman he left me for, my kids live in the house they share when they visit him, and life has moved on. But suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt like a stone wall fell on me and I was crushed with the weight of all the splitting up stress like it was brand new. It was actually worse than when it first happened in some ways. Back then I was numb, and then I was just too busy trying to keep the roof over our head and food on the table and too worried about how all this was affecting the kids. Now all that stuff is mostly settled, so my feelings finally have a chance to be all about me. And &amp;#039;me&amp;#039; is most decidedly sad. And conflicted. And relieved this is going to be over. And sick to my stomach. And not sleeping well. And a thousand other feelings all at once. I just can&amp;#039;t believe it&amp;#039;s hitting me this retroactively. It&amp;#039;s crazy. Most of all, though, &amp;#039;me&amp;#039; is sure that this is the right thing, and the only way he and I could have resolved, being the people that we were and are now.  It&amp;#039;s all good. It just feels bad. Did you feel like you were reliving everything again when your divorce got closer to resolution? [Follow Ellie on Twitter and Facebook] "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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