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" Offender No. 1: Your Mother Your mother finds fault with your cooking. What to do: As hard as this may be, you should take the high road. Stay calm, thank her as graciously as possible for her advice, and change the subject. Confronting her won&amp;#039;t alter her views \u2014 and it won&amp;#039;t make you feel better either. Instead, encourage another relative to compliment your cooking in front of your mom. When she sees that neither of you seems bothered by her negative comments, she may lose interest and pipe down. Offender No. 2: Your Uncle Your uncle, the off-color-joke teller, is coming for Easter dinner. What to do: Well before the holiday, call your uncle and say that you&amp;#039;re glad he&amp;#039;s joining you but that you have a request: To keep the day pleasant for everyone, could he please not make the kind of jokes that embarrass or offend some people? No need to lecture or tell him he has to change. Just say that holidays in your home are G-rated! You would also be wise to line up a relative who&amp;#039;s close to your uncle to reinforce your stance. Offender No. 3: Your 25-Year-Old Daughter Your 25-year-old daughter has a live-in boyfriend \u2014 and has made it clear that on their upcoming visit, she expects you to put them in the same room.  What to do: The bottom line is, it&amp;#039;s your house \u2014 and you feel uncomfortable having them share a room. Your daughter should follow your rules. Just be sure to explain your feelings in advance, not when she and her boyfriend are carrying their bags into your house. Make it clear you&amp;#039;re not passing judgment on their relationship; you&amp;#039;re just reminding her that you need to live as you like at home, just as she and her boyfriend do. If you and your daughter are on good terms, she&amp;#039;ll most likely accept your code of conduct. Offender No. 4: Your Eight-Year-Old Nephew Your eight-year-old nephew wreaks havoc around the house. What to do: Speak to his parents before the next visit. Without criticizing their child-rearing skills, talk about their son&amp;#039;s exuberance and energy and about how you&amp;#039;d like him to simmer down when visiting. Give specific examples: &amp;quot;We had to have our couch cushions deep cleaned after he jumped on them in dirty shoes last month. Could you please talk to him about taking care of other people&amp;#039;s things? You know we love Owen, but we need to protect our home.&amp;quot; At the beginning of his next visit, welcome him and state your parameters: &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s great to see you again! I have some house rules: No jumping on the furniture, and crayons are for paper \u2014 not the walls.&amp;quot; Plan activities to keep him busy and speak up, if necessary, to restate and reinforce your rules. And don&amp;#039;t worry about being a spoilsport: You&amp;#039;re showing him and his parents an important lesson about respect. Offender No. 5: Your Son Your son moved back home after college and is driving you crazy. He comes and goes as he pleases, eats all your food, and uses the car whenever he wants to. What to do: While an adjustment period is normal in a situation like this, the time has come to sit your son down for a chat. Lay out ground rules for his new &amp;quot;dorm&amp;quot; and be very clear: Raiding the fridge is okay, but eating tomorrow&amp;#039;s dinner as a midnight snack is not acceptable. Also, he needs to go shopping and replenish his favorite goodies now and then. Tell him about any meals that you expect him to eat with the family. Have him check in with you about his plans and give you a call if he needs to cancel them or is running late. Designate when the car may (and may not) be borrowed and how low the gas can get before he&amp;#039;s expected to fill the tank. Will he do his own laundry, or will good ol&amp;#039; Mom do it? Agree on a reasonable cutoff time for loud music, TV and video games. Which chores will he be responsible for? If he has some income (even meager wages), it&amp;#039;s only right for him to pay for certain expenses and not totally rely on you for cash. Help him by figuring out a budget and be clear about how much you can \u2014 and cannot \u2014 provide. Let him know you&amp;#039;re not an endless funds faucet \u2014 and then stick to the rules you&amp;#039;ve made. (If you don&amp;#039;t, he never will.) Offender No. 6: Your Sister-in-Law Your sister-in-law snoops in your medicine cabinet, searches through your closets, and even opens your mail. What to do: To call her on it, you need to catch her in the act (otherwise, she&amp;#039;s likely to deny that she&amp;#039;s been doing anything wrong). So wait until the next time you see her rustling around in your stuff, then say: &amp;quot;I really want you to ask me first if there&amp;#039;s something you&amp;#039;re looking for.&amp;quot; She may stop once she knows you&amp;#039;re on to her. You could also protect your privacy in advance by keeping your mail out of sight of her prying eyes. Offender No. 7: Your Little Brother Your little brother announces that the next time he comes to stay with you, he&amp;#039;s bringing his dog. What to do: It&amp;#039;s bad manners for a guest to bring an uninvited pet, even to a relative&amp;#039;s home. This is true even if you have one of your own and your house is already animal friendly. And you can politely but directly tell him so: &amp;quot;I can&amp;#039;t wait to see you, but please leave Finbar at home or in the kennel.&amp;quot; If you wish, you can add a reason (you have a new rug, your daughter is allergic to pets), but you don&amp;#039;t have to. Dog owners sometimes love their pooches so much, they don&amp;#039;t consider that others may feel differently. Rather than declare that the dog is coming along, your brother should have delicately raised the issue by saying, &amp;quot;Is next weekend okay for my visit? I&amp;#039;ll see if the kennel can take Finbar.&amp;quot; That would have been your cue to invite the dog, if you were so inclined. Explain to him the polite way to ask about his furry friend, and in the future, he&amp;#039;ll know to wait for his host to bring it up. Offender No. 8: Your In-Laws Your in-laws never lift a finger and expect to be waited on. What to do: It sounds like they think you&amp;#039;re being paid for your domestic services! Have a heart-to-heart with your spouse so that he sees the problem. You need him on your side, and it would be ideal if he would speak to his parents on your behalf (without you present) at the start of their next visit. He could tell them that they&amp;#039;re always welcome but that they need to help out with some of the chores, like making their bed and clearing the table after meals. Or your husband can make sure his parents see him helping you around the house, then ask them for help with &amp;quot;his&amp;quot; chores. Thank them when they do help and they&amp;#039;ll likely keep it up. Whom Should You Go Easy On? The grumpy grandpa who keeps repeating the same stories and complains about everything. Being forgetful is normal for people in their golden years, so try to be patient. That may be easier if you remember that aging issues \u2014 from aches and pains to money worries to health fears \u2014 can be scary and that seniors can easily feel overwhelmed. And many elderly people are lonely as well; they are eager to talk when they&amp;#039;re with others. So, yes, you may feel bored or annoyed when hearing the same old stories, but that&amp;#039;s better than embarrassing your grandfather or stopping him from sharing his tales. The frazzled young mother who never seems to have time for you. If there&amp;#039;s someone like this in your life\u2014 your daughter, your son&amp;#039;s wife, a niece \u2014 I&amp;#039;m sure she doesn&amp;#039;t mean to be disrespectful or unfriendly. It&amp;#039;s just that, in certain stages of adulthood, there simply aren&amp;#039;t enough minutes in the day even to return a phone call. So cut this frantic new mom some slack and don&amp;#039;t take her scattered behavior personally. If you want to catch up with her, ask if there&amp;#039;s a particular time of day when she has even a little time to talk. Keep the conversation short and pleasant, and hang up before she says she has to go. Another tactic: Offer some help, like coming over to clean with her or to watch the kids while you two catch up. Your hardworking spouse, who stays late at the office many nights \u2014 and seems to think a heads-up phone call earlier in the day makes everything okay. Be grateful for the important things! At least your spouse is considerate enough to give you advance warning so that you can plan your evening accordingly. You can also remind yourself that at least he is employed and that he doesn&amp;#039;t have to stay late every night. Keep in mind that he would probably rather be home as well, experiencing a home-cooked dinner instead of drudgery. It&amp;#039;s time for you to be thoughtful and offer him your understanding. You would want the same from him if you were the one burning the midnight oil. The clueless preteen who barely says hello when you stop by. He&amp;#039;s old enough to know how to greet others in a friendly way; he&amp;#039;s probably just going through a temporary age-related manners lapse. Don&amp;#039;t even think of correcting his behavior; that&amp;#039;s up to his parents, who should sit him down later on and remind him of the right way to welcome guests. In the meantime, your role is to rise above it. Offer him a kind, upbeat greeting: &amp;quot;Hi, Chris! I&amp;#039;m so glad to see you again!&amp;quot; After you&amp;#039;ve hugged each of his parents, you could add: &amp;quot;Is it okay if I give you a hug?&amp;quot; You&amp;#039;ll be setting a good example for him without giving him a lecture. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/advice/a15798/deal-rude-relatives-mar06/>