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"At the beginning of last night&amp;#x27;s Bachelor, Chris Harrison stopped by to inform the girls that Sean &amp;quot;sees his wife in this room right now. That&amp;#x27;s where we are.&amp;quot; God, I love that. All you have to do is narrow down a roomful of humans until the least offensive one remains! Just like choosing a poppyseed bagel from a shady deli, except then you marry it. But that moment set the tone--and btw, why haven&amp;#x27;t we had more Harrison-counseling sessions this season? Sean, you think you&amp;#x27;re too good for the pomaded sage&amp;#x27;s advice?--for a night full of award-worthy behavior. Best new Bachelor crew addition: Perv-Cam Charlie *OK, I don&amp;#x27;t know that there&amp;#x27;s actually a cameraperson named Perv-Cam Charlie. But I have to assume the same genius who brought us Sean&amp;#x27;s blatant package-ad a few weeks back was responsible for shooting up Sean&amp;#x27;s sculpted butt here and down Selma&amp;#x27;s top later. I like to pretend Perv-Cam Charlie has shoulder-length, unwashed hair and refers to his work as &amp;quot;living, breathing art.&amp;quot; The au naturel award: Selma &amp;quot;I think I&amp;#x27;m gonna go get ready for my date!&amp;quot; said the girl with a face full of airbrush makeup. The Jessie Spano award: Selma If you were playing a drinking game where you took a sip every time Selma reiterated how out-of-body excited she was for her date with Sean, you&amp;#x27;re still drunk. But then: they got out of the helicopter and saw... no dinner table set in the shallow end of the ocean. No Pier 1 pillow collection arranged artfully on the ground. No white wine. Just desert... and mountains... and sunlight. Which brought Selma forcefully down from her high. &amp;quot;I&amp;#x27;m petrified,&amp;quot; she said. Best new Bachelor crew addition, runner-up: The budget supervisor who saved the set components from Blakeley and Tony&amp;#x27;s trailer-themed date on Bachelor Pad Look for Selma to frantically Google &amp;quot;if u weigh 110 pounds and u like to say that on camera can u catch insanity + bad tattoos from laying on same trailer as someone who haz them&amp;quot; in the near future. I&amp;#x27;m sure the good people of Yahoo! Answers will take excellent care of her. Best implementation of that &amp;quot;How to Make Love Without Making a Mistake&amp;quot; poster that hung in your ninth-grade health classroom: This moment &amp;quot;We don&amp;#x27;t have to kiss. I totally respect that you don&amp;#x27;t want to move too fast. How about I just hold you in my arms and gaze down at you in a way that suggests I just gave birth to you?&amp;quot; Best planning overreach: Roller derby &amp;quot;Hey you guys, think we should take all those girls who bawled over beach volleyball last week and have them duke it out in a high-speed skating environment? Hmm? Lawsuits? Nah, they all signed their insurance waivers with lipstick kisses, so I think we&amp;#x27;re in the clear.&amp;quot; The Yo. Are you on pills? award: Amanda I think they taped all of Amanda&amp;#x27;s before-derby segments after derby, when she had been to the ER for her bumped chin. I think this because Amanda thinks it&amp;#x27;s hilarious how she says she played roller derby before but never did? Or something? Which begs the question: Yo, Amanda. Are you on pills? Future Bachelor Pad champion award: Daniella Remember this face. Remember this name. Remember &amp;quot;commercial casting associate.&amp;quot; I just have a feeling about this one. The opposite-day award: Tierra The words Tierra&amp;#x27;s choking out in this very shot are: &amp;quot;I&amp;#x27;m holding it all in!&amp;quot; If this is you holding it in, honey, I assume your &amp;quot;letting it out&amp;quot; involves you turning into one of the plants from Little Shop of Horrors. Best &amp;quot;I know exactly what I&amp;#x27;m doing&amp;quot; face: Also Tierra In less than a second, Tierra&amp;#x27;s tears evaporated and were replaced by a knowing, scheming smirk. It was chilling. In the Bachelor control room, they looked on, with a mix of horror and awe, at what they&amp;#x27;d brought to life. Best emotional destruction caused by a rose: Group date evening rose Hats off to the group-date rose--who, with its graceful presence, subtle exit, and determined Tierra-bound direction elicited a reaction like no other from the women. Best new Bachelor tradition: Taking someone you&amp;#x27;re not attracted to on a deeply romantic date, a la Leslie&amp;#x27;s one-on-one We had this on Emily&amp;#x27;s season too, and let it be a lesson for your real life: If someone whisks you away on a fancy date including gowns and jewelry, they just want to be friends, OK? They&amp;#x27;re not attracted to you. God, would you stop reading into things and just figure out how to remove that necklace I didn&amp;#x27;t really give you already? In memoriam: Leslie&amp;#x27;s date rose This rose&amp;#x27;s journey was doomed from the start. We remember its bravery and honor its commitment to the cause. The Wait--who the #@%! are you? award: Singing guy &amp;quot;I was really hoping to continue our date and find the romance. And Ben Taylor was going to sing for us. Unfortunately, the romance just wasn&amp;#x27;t there.&amp;quot; Oh, it was Ben Taylor, guys. OK. Worst Bachelor crew member award: Casting intern &amp;quot;This one won&amp;#x27;t make out either? Hey, casting intern, did you ask the girls if they would kiss sloppily on camera for America&amp;#x27;s entertainment?&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Yeah, and they said no. Those are the ones we want, right?&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Oh my God, casting intern, it&amp;#x27;s a good thing your great-grandfather was Mr. B, aka one of the three co-founders of ABC. That&amp;#x27;s all I have to say.&amp;quot; And that&amp;#x27;s it for our awards. Our dearly departed this week: A cheshire cat in a flapper outfit, otherwise known as Amanda. I have a top three prediction to share: Selma, Lindsey, and AshLee. What do you think? Next week there&amp;#x27;s double Bachelor--Monday and Tuesday--so I&amp;#x27;m gonna go rest up now."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/entertainment/blogs/obsessed/2013/01/the-bachelor-recap-1>