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" It&amp;#039;s wedding season! And graduation time! And the end of the school year! Everyone else may be celebrating, but just one thing occurs to me: How much is this all going to cost? My husband and I are freelancers, which means our income is pretty unpredictable (yet the monthly bills are always the same).   I know all about the middle-of-the-night number crunching that comes with a must-attend wedding invite, and I know it&amp;#039;s nearly impossible not to chip in on end-of-the-year teacher gifts.   If you&amp;#039;re in the same predicament, I&amp;#039;ve got some advice. First and foremost (and please, listen carefully): In case you haven&amp;#039;t noticed, it&amp;#039;s a recession, sister, so forget calling your credit card companies to increase your limits. Your finances come before any social obligation! That means you&amp;#039;ve got to gracefully wriggle out of expensive expectations without writing off family and friends. Here&amp;#039;s how.      Social Stressor: You can&amp;#039;t afford to attend an out-of-state family wedding but don&amp;#039;t want to get everyone upset. Should you go anyway, credit card bill be damned? And do you still have to give a gift?   Smart Solution: The new couple might be miffed at first that you won&amp;#039;t be sharing in their big moment\u2014but while memories last forever, so can a maxed-out credit card. In this economy, they should understand that not everyone can swing the cost of coming. Once you&amp;#039;ve committed to saying no, don&amp;#039;t try to save face by shortcutting with an impersonal e-mail or Facebook message (it&amp;#039;s easy, but rude). Give your regrets in person or over the phone ASAP to free up your reception seats for folks on their B list who probably live nearby.   About the gift: If the invite is from a close family member, then yes, it&amp;#039;s proper etiquette to help them start their household off right. To stretch your dollars as you show some love, find other guests to split the cost of a gift with. If money&amp;#039;s really tight, take advantage of the deferred payment plan. Tradition dictates that wedding presents aren&amp;#039;t &amp;quot;late&amp;quot; if received within one year after the wedding, so save your pennies and give them something later. They&amp;#039;ll still be thrilled.   Tasteful Tip: If there are a lot of out-of-towners in the same bill-laden boat, consider chipping in to gift the couple with VowCast ($495+; VowCast.com), a streaming video service that allows family and friends from around the world to share in the Big Day in real time!      Social Stressor: You&amp;#039;re expected to contribute a not-insignificant amount for a group teacher gift that you don&amp;#039;t even get to help choose. Can you back out? Is it OK to give a separate gift?   Smart Solution: Let&amp;#039;s face it: Teacher gifts are often just more clutter. How many personalized apple-shaped mugs filled with cocoa does a teacher need? It&amp;#039;s perfectly acceptable to bow out of a group gift\u2014just do so immediately. That way you&amp;#039;re not stuck with a collection notice from the organizer after the fact. If the organizer uses interrogation tactics to guilt you into going in on that soap sampler or giant tin of gummy worms, calmly suggest that she include a list of contributors with the present. That way the teacher knows exactly who the gift is from. Or suggest that everyone contribute a small amount and buy the teacher something she can really use, like an iTunes gift card or gift card to a department store like Target or Macy&amp;#039;s.   As for what your family should give the teacher, consider this: When my mom was a teacher, the pretty soaps and small gift cards were nice, but the children and parents who wrote her handwritten notes telling her what a wonderful teacher she was? &amp;quot;I still remember them as clear as day, because they were so few and far between.&amp;quot; So sit your child down with some stationery and have him pen the most priceless present possible.   Tasteful Tip: If you don&amp;#039;t feel like it&amp;#039;s overkill, include an adoring note from yourself, too.   FYI A 2009 Edutopia.org poll found that 31 percent of respondents think a thank-you note is the best gift for teachers.      Social Stressor:Every family in your neighborhood has sent you a graduation announcement\u2014even for kids you hardly know. Does this mean you&amp;#039;re obliged to give everyone a gift?   Smart Solution: The only thing you&amp;#039;re obliged to do is recycle the paper the announcements were printed on! While technically a graduation invitation is supposed to be a proud announcement of a milestone, it&amp;#039;s common knowledge that they&amp;#039;re often sent out as a thinly veiled request for college cash. For graduates you couldn&amp;#039;t pick out of a lineup, no response is fine. (Keep in mind there&amp;#039;s a small chance they may have mailed you the message truly out of honor, not for a handout.) For grads that you have a relationship with, money is always appreciated ($10 to $25 is sufficient unless you&amp;#039;re extremely close).   But cash isn&amp;#039;t the only way to respond. Calling up the grad to congratulate her and asking about her next steps, major interests and dorm choice is a perfectly acceptable (and cheaper) way to show your support. Or wait until August, and put together a care package with dry goods and candy that the grad can take with her to school.   Tasteful Tip: If you have any personal contacts at the student&amp;#039;s college or workplace, make the connection, giving the grad a leg up and possibly a future friend.   FYI A 2009 National Retail Federation survey found that Americans spend about $45 per graduate each year.   Have an etiquette question? E-mail us at WDetiquette@womansday.com "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.womansday.com/relationships/family-friends/advice/a5000/etiquette-101-how-to-survive-spending-season-106620/>