<http://schema.org/articleBody>
"Look, when it comes to Christmas carols, I&amp;#x27;m not some hipster grinch. I have no problem suspending any sense of musical integrity to enjoy &amp;quot;The Little Drummer Boy&amp;quot; and its myriad pa-rum-pum-pum-pums. And I can&amp;#x27;t listen to any version of &amp;quot;O Holy Night&amp;quot; without tearing up. But the songs below, you guys, are bad songs. They&amp;#x27;re bad, bad songs, and when everybody is feeling that January bump of depression because the holidays have gone away, leaving us nothing but six pounds heavier, I take solace in knowing I won&amp;#x27;t hear these songs for another 11 months. I guess that means they serve a purpose, but I still wouldn&amp;#x27;t be sorry if every last copy of these was tossed into a river and never heard again. &amp;quot;Carol of the Bells&amp;quot; With apologies to Mannheim Steamroller: Who enjoys this song? It&amp;#x27;s got enough musical anxiety to bust a pacemaker. And I feel like it always comes for me at the exact moment I realize I&amp;#x27;ve been in Macy&amp;#x27;s for 90 minutes and haven&amp;#x27;t checked off a single thing on my list, and I&amp;#x27;m having trouble pushing through the overstuffed racks of coats and WHY is the woman in front of me walking this slowly, and oh my God these bells are getting faster, I really need some air, and maybe some Chipotle. What I&amp;#x27;m trying to say is: It&amp;#x27;s this song&amp;#x27;s fault that everyone in my life is getting Chipotle gift cards for Christmas. Justin Bieber&amp;#x27;s &amp;quot;All I Want for Christmas Is You&amp;quot; Dammit, Bieber. I wish you&amp;#x27;d stick to what you know (purple hoodies, pomade) and leave this sacred track alone. &amp;quot;I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus&amp;quot; In the history of time, no kid has ever been as dumb as the kid narrator of this song. Kids just aren&amp;#x27;t this dumb. You&amp;#x27;re only maybe mixing up your own dad with Santa Claus if your dad is on Duck Dynasty. That&amp;#x27;s the only exception. I also like to think that no kid has ever been as creepy as the kid narrator of this song, who tiptoes down the stairs to, as he puts it, &amp;quot;have a peep.&amp;quot; The only exception to this statement, of course, is Glenn from Mad Men. Perhaps it&amp;#x27;s been Glenn from Mad Men singing this song all along. &amp;quot;It&amp;#x27;s the Holiday Season&amp;quot; Two ways to be sure this song was originally recorded by people who had just done a big pile of drugs: 1) Their frenzied pronunciations of &amp;quot;Happy Holidays&amp;quot; that kick in around 1:37 and 2) The fact that they thought the lyric &amp;quot;It&amp;#x27;s the holiday season/with the whoop-de-do and hickory dock/and don&amp;#x27;t forget to hang up your sock&amp;quot; deserved to be out in the world. &amp;quot;Baby, It&amp;#x27;s Cold Outside&amp;quot; The big obstacle here, really, is not that this song that annoying instantly-stuck-in-your-head quality. It&amp;#x27;s that (let&amp;#x27;s be honest) if you were ever stuck in a snowstorm at a guy&amp;#x27;s house and he started saying this stuff, you&amp;#x27;d be having visions not of sugar plums but of the pepper spray under your bed you keep meaning to unpackage and put in your purse. Definitely don&amp;#x27;t put some records on while he pours, OK? You need to be watching exactly what goes into that glass. &amp;quot;Christmas Shoes&amp;quot; Yeah, I know, great message and &amp;quot;Mama&amp;#x27;s gonna look so great&amp;quot; and all, but this song is such a sappy hot mess, it makes me physically mad to think of how many professional adults who had to sign off on it before it became a radio mainstay. If you also find it totally cloying, let me educate you on a fun trick: I like to pretend that when the song is over, the kid runs out of the store, shouts &amp;quot;SUCKA!&amp;quot; and runs like hell with his free pair of sequined kitten heels. He dances in them all night like Michael from Billy Elliot, and his mom is fine, and Rob Lowe never stars in a TV movie based on this song. Now, if you wanna cleanse your palate from the very thought of these songs&amp;amp;#8212;click on over to Anna&amp;#x27;s roundup of vintage-pop-holiday classics and let &amp;#x27;NSYNC make it all better."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/entertainment/blogs/obsessed/2013/12/6-christmas-carols-i-could-do>