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"Well, Save the Date reader lindsay417 has the future father-in-law from hell! Writes Lindsay: My future in-laws recently took me out to dinner for my birthday, and we got into a fight. It started when his dad complained about how he has to tip at coffee shops. I work for tips at a coffee shop. I explained how I appreciate tips because I couldn&amp;amp;#8217;t live off my minimum-wage salary; I would need a second job if not for tips. His dad is infamous for lashing out if someone disagrees with him&amp;amp;#8212;he once disowned a family member because she always voiced her opinion&amp;amp;#8212;so the discussion soon escalated into an argument. He asked, &amp;amp;#8220;How is it my responsibility to make sure you can make a living? Find a different job.&amp;amp;#8221; To which I replied, &amp;amp;#8220;I&amp;amp;#8217;m in college earning a degree. Where could I make X dollars an hour?&amp;amp;#8221; He asked very sarcastically and aggressively, &amp;amp;#8220;Can you hold a hammer?&amp;amp;#8221; His parents aren&amp;amp;#8217;t the easiest to be around, but I&amp;amp;#8217;ve always been polite and we&amp;amp;#8217;ve always gotten along just fine. I&amp;amp;#8217;m extremely offended by this, however, and don&amp;#x27;t know how to get past it. I&amp;amp;#8217;ve never been very comfortable around them anyway, so this just makes me want to avoid them even more. My fiance sent an e-mail telling them they&amp;amp;#8217;ve offended me, but even if they apologize, I&amp;amp;#8217;m not sure how to act around them the next time I see them. I&amp;amp;#8217;m sure as hell not going to stifle my opinions for the rest of my life! Where do I go from here? Help! Here are my thoughts: Well that sounds like an un-fun birthday dinner. I&amp;amp;#8217;m sorry. As someone with a, um, &amp;amp;#8220;difficult&amp;amp;#8221; set of in-laws of her own, I can definitely relate. The good news is, your finace appears to be on your side. Without that, you&amp;amp;#8217;d be butting heads with the three of them for the rest of your life. Which would seriously suck. As far as this incident goes, I don&amp;amp;#8217;t think it&amp;amp;#8217;s wise to re-hash it the next time you&amp;amp;#8217;re together, even if you&amp;amp;#8217;re still feeling miffed. If you haven&amp;amp;#8217;t gotten an apology yet, chances are you&amp;amp;#8217;re not going to. You have every right to be pissed, but I&amp;amp;#8217;d chalk that argument up as a loss and try to move past it. The next time you see them, I would be aloof but polite. I would also try to have as much control over this visit as possible. A big family gathering where you can interact with other people&amp;amp;#8212;and excuse yourselves early&amp;amp;#8212;would be ideal. Bonus points if there&amp;amp;#8217;s alcohol involved. (A glass of wine never hurt family relations. Trust me.) If there are none of those on the horizon, I would go for a brief get-together on neutral turf. Maybe you could offer to meet them for brunch on Mother&amp;amp;#8217;s Day? If the conversation gets heated at any point&amp;amp;#8212;like it did when my mother-in-law said, six months after our wedding, that she &amp;amp;#8220;could have had grandchildren by now&amp;amp;#8221; if Rory had stayed with his ex&amp;amp;#8212;feel free to stand up and announce, &amp;amp;#8220;I&amp;amp;#8217;m going to the ladies room right now. When I&amp;amp;#8217;m back, I&amp;amp;#8217;d appreciate it if this part of the conversation were over.&amp;amp;#8221; Another tactic I&amp;amp;#8217;ve taken is to say, &amp;amp;#8220;That&amp;amp;#8217;s inappropriate,&amp;amp;#8221; or &amp;amp;#8220;I&amp;amp;#8217;m sorry, I&amp;amp;#8217;m not comfortable with this conversation,&amp;amp;#8221; and quickly change the subject when the topic at hand has you feeling uneasy. I used the former when my father-in-law recently asked&amp;amp;#8212;during a Passover sedar with extended family&amp;amp;#8212;whether I planned on breastfeeding. I&amp;amp;#8217;ve also tried being rude right back, but I don&amp;amp;#8217;t recommend going that route. The fact of the matter is, you need to maintain some semblance of a relationship with these people&amp;amp;#8212;probably for at least a few decades&amp;amp;#8212;so you&amp;amp;#8217;ll want to be on civil terms with them. After all, even if you don&amp;amp;#8217;t mind being combative, your fiance&amp;amp;#8217;s the one who&amp;amp;#8217;s going to hear about it. And it will be harder for him to defend you if you&amp;amp;#8217;re behaving childishly. What it boils down to is this: You can&amp;amp;#8217;t have a rational relationship with an irrational person, which clearly your father-in-law is. Trying to approach your relationship in a normal, rational way is only going to leave you hugely frustrated. I&amp;amp;#8217;d assume, going forward, that you&amp;amp;#8217;re not going to have a great relationship with either of them. The best you can do is be polite&amp;amp;#8212;as the parents of your fiance, they deserve that, if nothing else. Oh, and if you&amp;amp;#8217;re going to complain about your future in-laws, try to vent to your girlfriends instead of your fiance. If he feels like he constantly has to stand up for them, it&amp;amp;#8217;s only going to reflect negatively on you. Ladies, do any of you have difficult in-laws or future in-laws? How do you deal with them? Do you think Lindsay should bend over backwards and be nice? Or do you think she should stick with aloof/polite, like I do? Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own that needs solving? Click here to e-mail me! More reader&amp;amp;#8217;s dilemmas, solved! * Would You Attend a Wedding if You Knew Your Ex Would Be There&amp;amp;#8212;With His New Fiancee? * What if You Know How Your Boyfriend&amp;amp;#8217;s Going to Propose&amp;amp;#8212;And You Hate His Plan?! * Would You Skip a Close Friend&amp;amp;#8217;s Wedding if You Had to Spend $1,000 to Be There? More Ways to Get Glamour Visit Shopglamour.com for cute stuff starting at just $10! Enter the latest Glamour sweepstakes! Follow us on Twitter Add us to your iGoogle homepage Photo: Jupiter Images"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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