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" Lamest reason to have an energy drink: Justin Spitzer, Traverse City, Michigan, who gulped down three Red Bulls so he could try and &amp;quot;get to the bottom of this sudoku thing.&amp;quot;  Most lawns mowed shirtless before realizing sunscreen&amp;#039;s &amp;quot;not for pussies&amp;quot;: 4,327, Mike Rhine, Richmond, whose delts burst into flames.  Worst excuse for taking performance-enhancing drugs: Todd Cohen, Pensacola, Florida, who claims he needed human growth hormone to release his car&amp;#039;s emergency brake.  Best poker face: Danny Gurin, Atlantic City, who spent $40,000 on plastic surgery so he&amp;#039;d have no facial expressions for his one-dollar Texas-hold-&amp;#039;em games.  Most embarrassing instance of getting ripped off by a mechanic: Scott Huebscher, Nashville, whose Saab dealer convinced him the rattle in his engine would go away if he let him install a sunroof.  Most consecutive days unnecessarily wearing a suit: 23,457, dog groomer Mike Larson, Macon, Georgia.  Number of people called after seeing Click and saying, &amp;quot;That remote-control idea was mine, man!&amp;quot;: 187, Darren Peters, Knoxville, Tennessee.  Longest argument with an inanimate object: Norman Steinberg, Trenton, who tripped over his coffee table and proceeded to scream at it for the next two hours and twenty-seven minutes.  Biggest waste of a birthday wish: Dan Riley, Baton Rouge, Louisiana, who hoped the cake holding the candles he just blew out contained no trans fats.  Loudest registered genuine laugh at Tourgasm: 110 decibels, Tommy Abernathy, Kansas City, Missouri, who went batshit whenever Dane Cook did that thing with his hand.  Biggest mistake when getting a tattoo of a Chinese character on his forearm: Rob Healy, Palm Desert, California, who thought it meant &amp;quot;peace&amp;quot; when it actually meant &amp;quot;I rape beagle puppies.&amp;quot;  Dumbest reason for stitches in the face: Morgan Taylor, Dayton, who, while playing Truth or Dare, tried to shave while riding a mechanical bull.  Gayest nongay wedding: Richie Jenkins, Worcester, Massachusetts, who insisted that the tiny plastic groom on top of the giant raspberry Linzer have dimples.  Most unusual method of keeping track of number of women slept with: Josh Belson, Piscataway, New Jersey, who carves cartoon vaginas into a giant sycamore in his backyard.  Most consecutive days pretending to toss change into the tip jar and thinking he&amp;#039;s fooled the cashier: 1,015, Fred Wilson, Kingman, Arizona, at the local Java Galaxy. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/news/a492/esq0906two-266/>