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" Former flames Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson just bumped into each other at an Oscars afterparty, and they were reportedly thrilled to see each other. Sure, they had fun catching up, but it can be tough to know where your ex fits into your life\u2014especially if you once were serious like Owen and Kate.  Since women these days are waiting longer to get hitched (current U.S. Census figures show the median age of marriage is 25 and rising), chances are, you&amp;#039;ve racked up a bevy of old bfs. And unfortunately, some are harder to get over than others. &amp;quot;To keep your life moving in a healthy direction, you need to determine exactly where an ex fits into your life, or he&amp;#039;ll continue to affect you and your future relationships,&amp;quot; says Janice Levine, Ph.D., author of Why Do Fools Fall in Love?   In other words: You want to take charge of the situation. Read on to suss out if an ex-boyfriend should be a friend, a fling or forgotten forever.  Hold On to Him as a Friend If...  The sexual chemistry is gone. After a night of drinking, you still wouldn&amp;#039;t sleep with him. Even when you were together, the relationship always felt more brother-and-sister than it did hot-and-heavy.  You have no problem hearing about his new girlfriends and would consider setting him up with one of your friends.  He&amp;#039;s a great friend to everybody in his life. You know you can talk about anything with him.   It is possible to be &amp;quot;just friends&amp;quot; with an ex, especially if the relationship was mostly platonic anyway. &amp;quot;Even if a romance loses its spark, you can still enjoy each other&amp;#039;s company,&amp;quot; says Patricia Farrell, Ph.D., author of How to Be Your Own Therapist. Plus, he remembers why he fell in love with you and can give you an ego boost when you need it.   One caveat: &amp;quot;If you&amp;#039;re both still single, you may not bother to meet other men because you&amp;#039;re so comfortable with the same safe guy,&amp;quot; says Elena Michaels, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist in Santa Clarita, California. Make sure you&amp;#039;re not shutting out any prospects that pop up.  Booty-Call Him If... The sex is fantastic, but your feelings don&amp;#039;t run deep.  You don&amp;#039;t want to go to dinner or do anything social with him.  The day after a booty call, you feel just as good about yourself as you did the night before.  If he told you tomorrow that he couldn&amp;#039;t sleep with you anymore, you&amp;#039;d be okay with it.   Hey, a single girl has needs! And recycling a stud from the past can feel a lot cozier (and safer) than picking up a random dude in a bar. As long as you&amp;#039;re just in it for the fun, sex with an ex can be a positive. &amp;quot;Not only are you already comfortable with this person sexually, but also there&amp;#039;s little at stake since the relationship aspect is over,&amp;quot; says Tina Tessina, Ph.D., author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. But ex sex is tricky. &amp;quot;Even if you don&amp;#039;t want to date him, you may wonder why he&amp;#039;s not into you, which may ultimately hurt your self-esteem,&amp;quot; warns Levine.  Keep Him in Your Cell If...  You care enough to keep in touch, but you don&amp;#039;t need to hear about his daily life. He has something to offer like stock tips, career connections or cool friends that you&amp;#039;d rather not lose forever. You don&amp;#039;t feel an emotional pull toward him, nor do you have any urge to sleep with him. You get an occasional pang of regret about the breakup, but after seeing him, it&amp;#039;s clear why he was Mr. Not Quite Right.   Relationships rarely end well, but sometimes they end amicably enough that you can afford to keep the guy in your life in a semidetached way. &amp;quot;Because you&amp;#039;re not involved in each other&amp;#039;s lives, you can get some distance from your feelings and start to see him as a person, rather than an ex who only inspires heartache,&amp;quot; says Levine.   Think of him as a remote, nonthreatening reminder of what you want and don&amp;#039;t want, which will enable you to home in on the qualities you need in a new guy. And since your feelings are nonexistent, you can catch up over dinner or call him for job leads without doing any emotional damage.   Cut Him Off If... Just the thought of him with someone else can bring you to tears. Actually, the thought of him alone can, too. You lie to your friends about seeing him or even thinking about him because you know they won&amp;#039;t approve. You spend so much time obsessing over him that it&amp;#039;s getting in the way of your job, your friendships and even your current relationship. You&amp;#039;ve broken up and gotten back together more than twice or have been on and off for years.   Some exes serve just one purpose: to torture you. If any of the above scenarios sound even slightly familiar, banish this bad-news boy from your life for good. Trouble is, the most destructive and unhealthy habits are usually the hardest to break. &amp;quot;Certain people can become like a drug to you, literally,&amp;quot; explains Levine. &amp;quot;They can elicit a chemical reaction in the brain, releasing endorphins, adrenaline and oxytocin. You become physically and mentally addicted to them.&amp;quot;   What makes the relationship even more seductive is the inconsistency. He may call you three times a day for a week, and then you won&amp;#039;t hear from him for months. As a result, you experience a withdrawal of sorts and wind up wanting him even more. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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