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"Dean McDermott&amp;apos;s infidelity is a symptom of a much bigger problem. In a new clip from True Tori, his Lifetime docu-series with Tori Spelling, the actor and reality star, 47, opens up about what drove him to cheat on his wife of seven years with 28-year-old Emily Goodhand.\r\n&amp;quot;I didn&amp;apos;t think that I would get caught,&amp;quot; McDermott confesses to a friend. &amp;quot;I was drinking and using drugs, man. I was not dealing with things that happened to me in the past.&amp;quot;\r\n\r\nSex, drugs, and alcohol were an escape of sorts&amp;#x2014;but as a self-described alcoholic, McDermott didn&amp;apos;t know how or where to draw the line. &amp;quot;I have a brain that wants to kill me,&amp;quot; he says. &amp;quot;I have a brain that wants me dead.&amp;quot;\r\n\r\n\r\nThe father of five&amp;#x2014;he has four kids with Spelling and one son with ex-wife Mary Jo Eustace&amp;#x2014;goes on to explain to his friend how easy it is to lose control, and how important it is for him to get his life back on track.\r\n&amp;quot;I need to change,&amp;quot; he admits. &amp;quot;I am on the verge of losing everything that means anything to me in this world.&amp;quot;\r\n\r\nSpelling, 40&amp;#x2014;who was hospitalized recently for six days in part because of stress&amp;#x2014;spoke with Us Weekly earlier this month about McDermott&amp;apos;s trip to rehab following his cheating confession in December. &amp;quot;He decided he had hit rock bottom,&amp;quot; she told Us. &amp;quot;He had hurt me and the family, and it all crumbled. He needed to go away and work on himself.&amp;quot;\r\n\r\n&amp;quot;He wasn&amp;apos;t dealing with a specific addiction,&amp;quot; she added. &amp;quot;Dean has a lot of personal issues from his childhood, and I always knew alcohol was a trigger. He needed to work on things he hadn&amp;apos;t worked on in 47 years.&amp;quot;\r\nWatch McDermott&amp;apos;s confession above, and tune in to True Tori on Tuesday, April 29, at 10 p.m."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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