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"When I was a mostly responsible but occasionally rebellious teenager and resisted household chores or weekend curfews, my Mother would sometimes pull out of her pocket the most dreaded of confrontational sentences. Her eyes would crinkle, her voice would lower to an icy whisper, and she would say, \u201Cdo what I am asking, or the punishment will be (fill in the blank here with your favorite threat.) I knew she was serious. It would usually stop me dead in my tracks.\nNow that we live in the age of constantly connected teens, is the new threat at the end of the sentence above some form of technology banishment? Is the consequence of taking away a phone, game controller or computer the right punishment for unacceptable behavior?\nIn a recent survey of their technology use, U.S. teens said they couldn\u2019t live without their mobile devices for a week.  I wasn't surprised, because my son\u2019s daily attachment to his phone and computer begins before he leaves his room to eat breakfast. In his defense, he uses the phone in real time to request rides and inform us if he goes to a friend\u2019s house after school. His phone helps him be independent, make plans with friends, as well as stay in sync with the family schedule. He is also playing interactive games including Words With Friends with several extended family members. It seems that other teens feel the same way as shown in another survey that states \u201Cmost young adults say social media and technology positively effects their social well being\u201D. \n\nSEE ALSO: The Top 5 Things Parents Should Never Do on Facebook\nBut as powerful a social tool as technology has become for teens and kids, so has the need for enforcement of family rules. When it comes to setting consequences for not shutting off the tech for family meals, homework time, and before bedtime as well as keeping overall screen time to a reasonable minimum \u2013the threat of taking tech away seems to be the only effective \u201Cor else.\u201D  And I am not alone. Many of our family friends have used similar tactics, taking away their teen\u2019s gaming controller, computer or (the one that sends shivers down any teen\u2019s spine) their phone. One teen we know is actually referred to by his friends as \u201Dthe one that does not have a phone because his parents took it away for not listening\u201D.\nHere are two strategies we devised to help our kids exercise discipline in advance of their tech being taken away.\n1. Proactive Consequences\nConsequences need to be enforced in order to be effective deterrents. So our kids clearly understood family rules, we decided to define in advance the behaviors that if not demonstrated would result in our kids\u2019 tech being taken away. This includes abiding by screen time limits, doing chores and homework when asked, and shutting off technology for family dinners and before bedtime. Indeed, I have resorted to shutting down my teen\u2019s wireless phone service as a consequence for not following agreed-upon rules.  As a result, he now knows we are serious and a few friendly \u201Cyou know what happens when you don\u2019t\u201D reminders work like a charm.  \nOur elementary school aged twin boys know that they have extended screen time if they are reading, listening to audio books or reading e-books on their tablet, but if they switch to watching videos or playing games we will take the tablet away. Another friend bought their teen an e-reader without tablet functionality because their son already had trouble controlling use of apps on his phone. Our teen knows that if he is distracted by his phone when getting ready for school in the morning, we will move his phone and charger into our room until he demonstrates he can get ready on time.\n2. Reactive Consequences\nEven though our kids usually comply, there are some days when we need to define a consequence on the fly that may not be included in the general family rules. During a family event where we asked our teen to minimize technology use and be present, our teen\u2019s Facebook stream began heating up. In that case, after a few unsuccessful \u201Ccalm\u201D prompts to put his phone down, we took his phone away until the event was over. \n\nSEE ALSO: Parent\u2019s Dilemma: Are You Raising Tech-Addicted Kids?\nOne afternoon when our boys had already spent time playing outside during an overly hot day, they were granted some extra screen time inside to play Minecraft. But after prompts to end the game, the video-addictive magnetism was too strong for them to turn it off when asked. So we just shut off the gaming controller. Beyond the dangers of being attacked by a Minecraft Monster, we were worried that our kids real life \u201Chealth bar\u201D (Minecraft term) was depleted through too much play.\nEven with open and proactive communication, each new day brings new situations that make my husband and me question if it's working and if we need new rules for consequences.\nDo you use tech as a consequence for your kids or teen, and if so has it been effective? Let us know in the comments.\nThis post is part of a series on the digital dilemmas of raising digital kids. We'd like to hear some of the parenting issues technology has raised for you. Please let us know in the comments, or on our Mashable Lifestyle Facebook page. You can also follow and tweet us @mashlifestyle. \nImage courtesy of bowdenimages"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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