<http://schema.org/articleBody>
"FacebookPinterest\n\nWelcome to Make it Stop, where we count down five things this Father's Day that must stop. \n\n1. Breakfast in bed. No one actually does this for Dad on Father's Day, right? No one over the age of 14 actually likes having to eat in bed. It makes you feel like a cancer patient. Every Mother's Day, I have the same exchange with my wife.  \n\nME: Oooh, what if we made you breakfast in bed? \n\nWIFE: No. \n\nBeds are great. Breakfasts are fantastic. But put them together and it's a backbreaking ordeal. Do I sit up using my pillow? This isn't comfortable. Now there's a muffin crumb under the comforter. THIS IS NOT WORKING.\n\n2. Lowering the crib mattress. If you don't have kid, you may not be aware that you have to adjust your baby's crib as they grow taller and are eventually able to stand. At first, the mattress is up high, so you can grab the little fucker. But then you have to lower it so that, when they learn to stand, they don't pull a Birdman of Alcatraz and try to bust out. Lowering a crib mattress SUCKS. The mattress is impossible to get out without contorting yourself into a sailor's knot, and the little allen wrench you need to loosen the bolts is always either A) Missing or B) Small enough to carve ornate hieroglyphics into your hand. It's unpleasant. I bet rich people have cribs that go up and down at the push of a button. Rich people are bastards. \n\n3. Doing anything on Father's Day. We're going to a street fair? No we aren't. I don't want to do anything today. I don't even want to open a card. That's too much effort. I would like to spend a token amount of time with you kiddies and then ert myself as little as possible. Maybe watch some golf because nothing else is on. Let's not make this a whole THING. \n\n4. Running out of propane for the grill when your steak is only halfway finished. No, I didn't do the little test lift of the tank before firing up the grill. How was I supposed to know there's only a finite amount of fuel in that thing? It LOOKED like it had enough. Stupid propane tank. HOW ABOUT I SMASH YOU WITH A FIREHAMMER THEN WE'LL SEE WHO'S LAUGHING. \n\n5. Potato salad. Boiled potatoes and mayonnaise? No. No, we're not having that with our cookout. That's gross as shit. Who yearns for this? Nothing says \"I need a spot to fill at the table\" like a big, heaping bowl of horrible potato salad. For this Father's Day, I want all potato salad outlawed. \n\nDrew Magary is a GQ correspondent and a staff writer for Deadspin. Follow him on Twitter via @drewmagary and pre-order his new book about fatherhood, Someone Could Get Hurt, at his website"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.gq.com/story/make-it-stop-the-very-special-fathers-day-edition>