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"I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Santita Jackson of Chicago&amp;#039;s WVON radio show on Thursday. (Link to come when the podcast is available.) I was brought on to talk about budgets (this article in particular) but the conversation quickly morphed from surface level finance problems to deep rooted emotional issues. When Ms. Jackson asked how Rex and I finally ended our ongoing battles over spending, I told her the truth. &amp;quot;I agreed to try his way for a month,&amp;quot; I said. &amp;quot;I surrendered.&amp;quot; In a half-joke, half aghast tone, she quipped back, &amp;quot;Andrea Frazer, you submitted????&amp;quot; This isn&amp;#039;t an exact quote, but in a nutshell, I explained my position. &amp;quot;I absolutely submitted,&amp;quot; I said, &amp;quot;But not in the way one might think.&amp;quot; I was stopped for a brief second, starting to get flustered. This was national radio! How could I not sound like a fifties housewife but still get my point across? I opted for the truth. Better to be hated for who I was than loved for who I wasn&amp;#039;t. And a middle of the road &amp;quot;say it so it sounds good for the moment&amp;quot; isn&amp;#039;t my style. Who was really listening in Chicago anyway?  &amp;quot;I submitted my ego.&amp;quot; I went on, committed to telling my story. &amp;quot;I submitted my hold on my oh-so-right opinion on money management. I submitted by pride and decided... for one month... to see if going without a Starbuck&amp;#039;s cappuccino every day (and a few more &amp;quot;necessities&amp;quot; in my oh-so-important life) might just satisfy Rex&amp;#039;s need for more padding in our account.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;And what happened?&amp;quot; Santita asked. &amp;quot;A much happier Rex walked through our door at the end of every work day,&amp;quot; I answered. &amp;quot;With a more relaxed Rex... one who had a new found respect for his wife who surrendered her ideas in favor for a new option... I suddenly had a husband who began submitting to me.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;In what ways did he submit?&amp;quot; she prodded. &amp;quot;He submitted his own fragile ego,&amp;quot; I replied. &amp;quot;He put his rigidness on the table, alongside my puffed up expectations of what I &amp;quot;deserved&amp;quot; every day. With both of us &amp;quot;submitting&amp;quot; we ended up with something greater than any of us could ever imagine: peace. And, shock of all shock, it didn&amp;#039;t cost a thing. (It did cause some interest to rise, but not the financial kind.) As Iris Krasnow&amp;#039;s book Surrendering to Marriage speaks to, in giving up some hard one habits, we were able to rekindle a partnership of respect and admiration. Oh, and great sex. That&amp;#039;s a benefit, too. More on surrendering tomorrow. PS: Apparently people were listening in Chicago as I&amp;#039;ve already received some mail - all nice so far. I&amp;#039;ll post one of the emails tomorrow for your opinion. Meanwhile, I&amp;#039;ll ask if anyone else out there &amp;quot;let go&amp;quot; only to gain something so much better? * Photo entitled Surrender by artist Bernard Stanley Hoyes as seen here. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/a3211/why-i-submitted-to-rex/>