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"  When my husband and I got married, we were both smokers. I quit during both my pregnancies and again for good three years ago. My husband has tried quitting several times and now smokes only outside or in our garage. Still, his smoking has become a huge problem for me. Not only am I concerned about his health and the expense, but also I can&amp;#039;t stand the smell. This has really ruined the intimacy in our marriage. I don&amp;#039;t want to be physically close to him; I definitely don&amp;#039;t want to kiss him. I have tried to explain, in a non-nagging way, that the smell is a huge turnoff for me. He says I shouldn&amp;#039;t be bothered by it as I used to be a smoker and he is not interested in quitting. What should I do? -- A.S., 33, Bay City, MI I&amp;#039;m also a member of a mixed-tobacco-usage couple and grumble every so often that kissing my man is like licking an ashtray. As much as I love this wisecrack, it&amp;#039;s done nothing to encourage him to quit.  I&amp;#039;m sure there are 87 excellent reasons you could give for why your husband should quit smoking, but unless he wants to, he won&amp;#039;t heed a single one. As an ex-smoker, you are probably able to drum up some empathy for what he&amp;#039;s going through. It really is hard to quit, but he&amp;#039;s the only one who can do it. At the moment, you have no choice but to accept his decision. He also has to accept the fact that you&amp;#039;re disgusted by the habit. Rather than thinking of his smoking as the basis for a permanent &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m not attracted to you&amp;quot; state, just take your interactions with him on a case-by-case basis. If he&amp;#039;s been out smoking in the garage and wants to give you a kiss, you can say, &amp;quot;Not right after you&amp;#039;ve had a cigarette.&amp;quot; (Keep your tone neutral when you say it. You&amp;#039;re just giving him a bulletin from Planet You; it&amp;#039;s not a prelude to the Quit-Smoking-or-Else Harangue.) But if he hasn&amp;#039;t had a smoke in a while, and he&amp;#039;s showered and popped a breath mint, there&amp;#039;s no reason to punish him. Know what I mean? If he smells like smoke day in, day out, then respond accordingly. One presumes the man will want to have sex again one day and will clean up to your standards.  Need smart advice? Maybe your best friend is suddenly acting strangely. Or your parents or in-laws are making you nuts. Or your sister always takes your moms side in an argument, instead of yours. Whatevers bugging or perplexing you about your friends, brother, sister, parents, in-laws, husband, you name it REDBOOKs Karen Karbo has the smart advice you need. Email your questions, rants, and worries to her at karenkarbo@redbookmag.com and please include your initials, age, city and state. Letters may be edited for clarity and length. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/q-and-a/a10870/guy-quit-smoking/>