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" My problem is that my husband looks at other women when he&amp;#039;s with me. I&amp;#039;m a light-skinned black woman and my husband is white--he seems to look at blondes the most, brunettes second, and dark black women third. I&amp;#039;ve always told him, &amp;quot;Go and get what you want; let&amp;#039;s move on if you&amp;#039;re not satisfied.&amp;quot; But he just says, &amp;quot;If I wanted a blonde, I would have stayed in Minnesota.&amp;quot; He assures me he&amp;#039;s wildly attracted to me, but his behavior has given cancer to the magical feelings I once had for him. Do you think he&amp;#039;s lying to me? I never make him feel like second choice even when black men are in my face trying to get my attention. When attached men look at other women, doesn&amp;#039;t it mean they want to try to be with those women if they can? --T.C., 32, Los Angeles When it comes to looking at other women, there&amp;#039;s all-out ogling, and then there&amp;#039;s glancing surreptitiously. If, for example, you&amp;#039;re eating dinner out and you catch his eyes flicking over to the waitress for half a second, let it go. We humans like to check each other out. Men may do it more, but women do it too. But from the way you describe it, your husband&amp;#039;s &amp;quot;looking&amp;quot; sounds utterly intentional, and it&amp;#039;s evolved into an issue in your relationship. Is he lying? My guess is no, not exactly; he really would have stayed in Minnesota if he&amp;#039;d wanted a blonde. He does, however, seem to get something out of keeping you insecure about your looks, and, yes, your race. It&amp;#039;s not just that he looks at other women; he makes a point of looking at white women, then telling you that you&amp;#039;re misreading his interest. That&amp;#039;s undermining behavior, at the very least. I&amp;#039;m struck by what I imagine you perceive to be your level-headedness in telling your husband, &amp;quot;Go and get what you want; let&amp;#039;s move on if you&amp;#039;re not satisfied.&amp;quot; What can I say here but no, no, no. You&amp;#039;re this man&amp;#039;s wife, not a car he&amp;#039;s test-driving. As for his ogling, you must refuse to tolerate it a minute longer. The next time he does it, let him look as long as he wants without interrupting him. Then tell him straight out that you find his behavior insulting, and if he does it again in front of you, you&amp;#039;re not putting up with it. Keep a spare set of car keys in your purse, or cash for a cab, and if you catch him gawking, make good on your promise and leave the party, the restaurant, the movie theater, the Starbucks. I, too, was once involved with an ogler, and letting my actions speak louder than my words worked rather quickly. I suspect that when he discovers you&amp;#039;re not going to stand for it, he&amp;#039;ll keep his wandering eye under control. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a1585/another-woman-hs/>