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" \n It&amp;#039;s 8pm on a Wednesday night and I&amp;#039;m spanking my bent-over boyfriend in front of three strangers at a pimped out sex dungeon in midtown Manhattan. Being a sex writer is not all fun and games, people (kidding, that&amp;#039;s literally all it is). Tonight, I am lucky enough to get a private kink workshop from Mistress Nina Payne, dominatrix, teacher and author of the new e-book, Kisses to Kink. For the next 90 minutes, Nina and her prot\u00E9g\u00E9 Mistress Mona are going to teach my boyfriend and I to spank, flog, and tie each other up. Let the awkwardness begin! Quick question: How soon can you take the guy you&amp;#039;re dating to a sex dungeon? Please say four weeks. While I&amp;#039;m always up for taking risks, which is why I&amp;#039;m here, I am definitely nervous. Dave and I are still just getting to know each other sexually and otherwise. It seems a little premature to introduce this whole world of dark sexual arts to the mix, but hey, IT&amp;#039;S MY JOB. Plus, I always wanted to learn some cool &amp;quot;sex moves.&amp;quot; The only one I know is the whip cream bikini from Varsity Blues and that was from the 90&amp;#039;s. When Dave and I arrive at the nondescript office building, we are greeted by Mistress Mona. With a severe, slicked back ponytail, pointy black stilettos, and a sprawling leg tattoo, she definitely looks like she could hurt us. &amp;quot;Follow me,&amp;quot; she says, leading us into a private room. As soon as we enter, we&amp;#039;re transported to a Dungeons and Dragons fantasy world. The walls are deep red, there is a velvet throne, a cage, a wall of military and gas masks and a table covered with Medieval pain instruments.  The decor looks like if Hot Topic had a home furnishing line. I&amp;#039;ve never seen anything like it. Dave and I are giddy with the novelty of it all. Where are we? And what the hell are we doing? Oh, us! Nina Payne is a tall, striking blond with the bone structure of a Ukrainian model. She doesn&amp;#039;t reveal her age for professional reasons, but if I had to guess, I&amp;#039;d say mid-30&amp;#039;s. As soon as I meet her, she kisses me warmly on both cheeks and introduces me to *James, her masked male slave. He wears tight black briefs, a black eye mask and nothing else. &amp;quot;Slave,&amp;quot; Nina demands, &amp;quot;pour Rose and Dave a glass of champagne.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Yes mistress,&amp;quot; he replies. I&amp;#039;m not totally sure what&amp;#039;s going on here, but I love it. Any woman with a dedicated man-slave is definitely someone to learn from. I am intrigued. While some find their bliss on a yoga mat, Nina found it at an underground fetish party in Asia. Through DJ&amp;#039;ing gigs all over Tokyo, Nina fell in with a group of dominatrixes who showed her the ropes\u2014literally. &amp;quot;Being this tall, blond female DJ in Japan was a total novelty for them, so I kept getting invited to DJ all these all fetish parties. At first I was really nervous. I was like, &amp;#039;Oh my g-d, I&amp;#039;m gonna get molested!&amp;quot; Nina recalls. But from her very first gig, she was hooked. &amp;quot;I met the most gorgeous people who were super open-minded and not intimidating at all. It was very welcoming.&amp;quot; She soon discovered her life&amp;#039;s true calling and decided to become a full-time Dom. But it wasn&amp;#039;t an easy transition. &amp;quot;I kept it a secret for years, &amp;quot; she explains. &amp;quot;Finally I was like, &amp;#039;This really makes me happy, I don&amp;#039;t feel like I&amp;#039;m hurting anybody, without consent of course, and I don&amp;#039;t feel like I&amp;#039;m doing anything that is morally wrong. I&amp;#039;m not having sex for money, I&amp;#039;m not giving handjobs, or blowjobs or any kind of jobs, I&amp;#039;m not getting naked and I&amp;#039;m making people really happy.&amp;quot; Before we begin the hands-on part of class, Nina explains that kink is all about communication and boundaries. She teaches us the universal safewords: &amp;quot;&amp;#039;Red&amp;#039; means stop, yellow means &amp;#039;I&amp;#039;m at my limit&amp;#039; and green means &amp;#039;I&amp;#039;m loving it.&amp;#039;&amp;quot; Then she orders James to move into the middle of the room and bend over a red leather bench. First, she caresses James&amp;#039; butt a few times and then she alternates spanking each cheek, bongo-style. She says the key to a hot spanking session is to integrate both rough and gentle strokes. After a hard smack, the body is super sensitive so a light caress feels extra tingly. She also shows us that if you cup your hands, rather use a flat palm, it makes a really cool, sharp sound.  When it&amp;#039;s my turn to spank Dave in front of everyone, I feel 100 percent self-conscious. Even though Nina, Mona and the James are all super supportive and I&amp;#039;ve had a glass of bubbly, I still feel weird about being sensual in front of them. I decide not to caress Dave at all because it seems too private and instead I just smack him. It&amp;#039;s fun to hear that loud, snapping sound and I get into a nice drumming groove. &amp;quot;You okay babe?&amp;quot; I ask, not wanting to actually hurt him. &amp;quot;Yeah, I&amp;#039;m fine,&amp;quot; he says. I have no idea if he&amp;#039;s actually enjoying it, but after a while, I start to have fun. Turns out I&amp;#039;m a natural drummer and I should probably join a reggae cover band. Then it&amp;#039;s Dave&amp;#039;s turn to spank me and despite the fact that I&amp;#039;m embarrassed to be bent over in front of four people, I get totally turned on. Oh dear g-d, I think, please don&amp;#039;t make this my &amp;quot;new thing.&amp;quot; Like from now on I can only enjoy sex in a dungeon if five people are watching me. Yikes. But apparently enjoying a good spanking is perfectly normal: Mistress Mona says that a ten minute spanking session before sex is a great way to bring the blood down to the genitals, making that area more sensitive and intensifying orgasms. Duly noted. After the spanking session we move onto flogging, which is just spanking accessorized by a fringed leather whip. It&amp;#039;s surprisingly difficult and I&amp;#039;m terrified of accidentally hititing Dave in the yam bag, sterilizing him for life. &amp;quot;Watch out Rose,&amp;quot; he says after the first hit, &amp;quot;that&amp;#039;s my future in there.&amp;quot; For the rest of the flogging I go really slowly and all the slaps are pretty pathetic. It sounds like I&amp;#039;m ironically slow-clapping. I think I failed my flogging test. Dave, on the other hand, is awesome at it and is practically switching hands, ninja-style. The last hands-on skill we learn is rope bondage. Although the idea of being tied up or tying someone else up is as hot as Daniel Day Lewis in the mid-90&amp;#039;s, it&amp;#039;s really hard to do. Both Dave and I struggle with the rope knot, and we realize that we&amp;#039;re definitely indoor kids at heart. Remember how in high school we both played guitar instead of doing sports or outdoor activities? Well, now we are failing our sex class...so play sports, you guys. It&amp;#039;s clear that bondage is probably not gonna be our thing. Watching us, Nina remarks, &amp;quot;An easier way to lock someone&amp;#039;s wrists in place is to simply put them in handcuffs,&amp;quot; which roughly translates to, &amp;quot;Not everybody is an Eagle Scout.&amp;quot;  After the demonstrations, Nina talks about other mental tricks we can try in the bedroom like tease and denial and mind-f*cking. Tease and denial is when you seductively torment someone. For example if you take off all your clothes and stand in front of your lover but you refuse to let them touch you until you say so. It&amp;#039;s all about creating tension and letting desire build. Mind f*cking is exactly what it sounds like. A typical mind-f*ck move would be to blind-fold your lover and tell them you&amp;#039;re gonna drip hot wax on their chest but then instead surprise them with an ice cube along their thighs. It&amp;#039;s all really creative and you start thinking about all these fun things you can incorporate. And you can definitely see how it would be great for people in long-term relationships who need to jazz up the ol&amp;#039; bone party. By the end of class, I am totally inspired. I want to buy a blindfold and a flogger and even the corsets look fun to wear. I realize that kink is not some creepy niche sub-culture, it&amp;#039;s just fun tricks for foreplay. Why wouldn&amp;#039;t you want your lover to hold you down and whisper dirty things in your ear before the big bang? That&amp;#039;s just good manners. Although there were some embarrassing moments, we had a lot of fun and I think it brought us closer. Anytime you do something with your partner that sparks conversation about what you like in bed, I think, is a success. That&amp;#039;s how you get to know each other and grow together. Overall, I give the class five out of five nipple clamps. Later that night right before Dave and I go to sleep, I say to him, &amp;quot;You know if you ever want to do something kinky that I&amp;#039;m not up for, it&amp;#039;s okay with me if you go see a Dominatrix.&amp;quot; I feel like a very cool, progressive girlfriend. &amp;quot;Cool, thanks,&amp;quot; he responds. What do you mean &amp;#039;cool, thanks,&amp;#039; I think to myself getting more stressed out with each passing second. &amp;quot;Actually, I changed my mind,&amp;quot; I say one minute later. &amp;quot;You definitely cannot under any circumstances go to a dominatrix.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Haha, okay.&amp;quot; See what I just did there? It was a mindf*ck. I&amp;#039;m so kinky! Photo Credit: Bek Andersen For more information on Mistress Nina Payne, her new e-book and her workshops visit Domidollz. Want more musings from Rose? Follow her on Twitter. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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