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"Everyone&amp;amp;#8217;s been there: You meet a guy, you&amp;amp;#8217;re totally into him, things go well and later (a month, a week, an hour) you find yourself in bed with him. The music&amp;amp;#8217;s right, but something&amp;amp;#8217;s wrong. Very wrong. His technique is, let&amp;amp;#8217;s just say, lacking, and as he&amp;amp;#8217;s doing that annoying thing with his tongue/hand/leg, you think, How did he get this far knowing so little? Why didn&amp;amp;#8217;t anyone tell him how bad that feels? I wonder if I can wear my new Club Monaco skirt with a white shirt and boots? It&amp;amp;#8217;s never a good sign when your mind has left the bed and gone into the closet. But what&amp;amp;#8217;s a girl to do? Well, you can throw him back into the dating pool, you can suffer quietly, or you can take the bull by the tongue/hand/leg/etc. and teach him a thing or two. Let&amp;amp;#8217;s get something straight: Making a guy better in bed is actually about making sex better for you. Everyone wins! Of course, some women are better at asking for what they want than others. When I first started inquiring among my virtually Victorian circle about how to go about this, my friend Patty* said, &amp;amp;#8220;I feel funny giving directions; it&amp;amp;#8217;s like telling the cab driver what route to take&amp;amp;#8230;and I&amp;amp;#8217;m not really sure how to get there anyway.&amp;amp;#8221; Fortunately there are bolder, more assertive women out there&amp;amp;#8212;women who don&amp;amp;#8217;t plan their outfits during sex&amp;amp;#8212;and they were willing to tell me exactly how they got their men to be much, much better in bed. Here, their advice on how to make over&amp;amp;#8230; &amp;amp;#8230;the speed demon You know those movies where the young couple is having sex for the first time and it&amp;amp;#8217;s pretty much the guy lifting the girl&amp;amp;#8217;s skirt, neither of them looking at each other, and then he sticks his thing in and&amp;amp;#8230;it&amp;amp;#8217;s over? Well, that happens in real life, too. I once practically had a guy tell me he was done while I was unlocking my front door for us to go into my apartment. I guess the anticipation was more than he could manage. Sherrie, 36, found that she was getting a little further than that with her guy, but not by a whole lot. &amp;amp;#8220;Sex was lasting five minutes, sometimes less,&amp;amp;#8221; she says. &amp;amp;#8220;He was embarrassed and we were both getting frustrated.&amp;amp;#8221; Then one day they stumbled upon a solution: &amp;amp;#8220;I was dancing around the bedroom in my underwear and he started to get turned on. I told him to go ahead and finish by himself.&amp;amp;#8221; This was a win-win for the now satisfied couple: &amp;amp;#8220;While he waited to get geared up for another go, he focused on me for some serious foreplay. By the time we got to round two, he was ready to go the distance.&amp;amp;#8221; The flip side of this coin can be just as troubling. Anytime I hear about Sting&amp;amp;#8217;s tantric stamina, I think, Poor Trudie Styler! Frankly, I&amp;amp;#8217;m surprised she doesn&amp;amp;#8217;t walk like John Wayne. Allana, 25, was dating someone who took forever to finish. &amp;amp;#8220;I didn&amp;amp;#8217;t want to hurt his feelings, considering most guys think of stamina as a good thing, so I just told him how wonderful it would be if we could finish together. Then I coached him: Just as I was about to come I&amp;amp;#8217;d whisper, &amp;amp;#8216;Can you finish with me, baby?&amp;amp;#8217; Guess what? My narration was apparently exciting enough for him that more than half of the time, our trains pulled into the station at the same time!&amp;amp;#8221; All aboard! &amp;amp;#8230;the bad kisser Many of the women I interviewed saw this flaw as a complete deal breaker. They believe it&amp;amp;#8217;s not something you can teach or get past. Then I used this scenario: If you&amp;amp;#8217;re dating Leo DiCaprio and he starts slobbering all over your face, you&amp;amp;#8217;re going to say forget it? Take your movie-star ass outta my sight? I don&amp;amp;#8217;t think so. I think you&amp;amp;#8217;d work with him&amp;amp;#8212;and you should. Eleanor, 39, gets that: &amp;amp;#8220;I was recently dating a guy who could not kiss. I love to kiss, so it was a huge turnoff.&amp;amp;#8221; The first few dates she avoided any lip action, but as they started to spend more time together, she couldn&amp;amp;#8217;t ignore it. &amp;amp;#8220;I began to give him what I call &amp;amp;#8216;secret lessons,&amp;amp;#8217;&amp;amp;#8221; she says. &amp;amp;#8220;I would kiss him a certain way and then whisper in his ear in a really sexy and sensual tone, &amp;amp;#8216;Kiss me like this.&amp;amp;#8217; It was sort of like follow-the-leader. And it worked! He began to automatically do it exactly the way I like.&amp;amp;#8221; My friend Janet, 27, said she dated a guy who kissed &amp;amp;#8220;very drooly, like a teething baby.&amp;amp;#8221; (I&amp;amp;#8217;m dry-heaving now.) The way she dealt with it wasn&amp;amp;#8217;t so secret: Very obviously, in the midst of a make-out session, she got a towel and wiped her mouth. &amp;amp;#8220;He said, &amp;amp;#8216;Too wet?&amp;amp;#8217; and I said, &amp;amp;#8216;Yes.&amp;amp;#8217; It worked. If it hadn&amp;amp;#8217;t, I was going to come back with a mop.&amp;amp;#8221; &amp;amp;#8230;the too-dirty talker Back in my dating-a-million-guys period&amp;amp;#8212;postcollege, pre-having to get up in the morning&amp;amp;#8212;I was seeing a guy who did the dirty-talk thing, and I loathed it. But it wasn&amp;amp;#8217;t his potty mouth that bothered me, it was the things he asked me to say. Once he wanted me to tell him to you-know-what me and I said, &amp;amp;#8220;Are you nuts? I&amp;amp;#8217;d never say that!&amp;amp;#8221; If anything I&amp;amp;#8217;d write the scene like this&amp;amp;#8212;it&amp;amp;#8217;s 1945 and you&amp;amp;#8217;ve just returned from Versailles&amp;amp;#8230;. I&amp;amp;#8217;m wearing a satin nightgown, white. No, dusty rose. No, yellow. Wait. I&amp;amp;#8217;m wearing a WAC uniform &amp;amp;agrave; la The Andrews Sisters, my hair is like Veronica Lake&amp;amp;#8217;s&amp;amp;#8230;. By then the guy would either have drifted off to sleep or gone out for a hooker. My friend Alice, 31, had a slightly more useful method with a guy she dated a few years back: &amp;amp;#8220;He loved to say dirty stuff while we were making out and he would ask all kinds of ridiculous questions and expect answers.&amp;amp;#8221; Her replay of one of their typical conversations: Him: You know when we were on the ferry last week? Her: Yeah. Him: You wanted to f**k me in the bathroom, right? Her: Um, gross! Alice would try to play along, but her heart just wasn&amp;amp;#8217;t in it. &amp;amp;#8220;I talked with my girlfriends endlessly about how to bring it up to him, but I really didn&amp;amp;#8217;t want to ruin his fun. Finally one night after a lot to drink I blurted out, &amp;amp;#8216;Shut up! I don&amp;amp;#8217;t want to talk anymore!&amp;amp;#8217; I know it wasn&amp;amp;#8217;t the most sensitive way to handle it, but it worked. And it improved our sex life incredibly.&amp;amp;#8221; Actually, it improved their sex life enough for Alice to realize that losing the dirty talk didn&amp;amp;#8217;t fix the relationship. They broke up but remained friends. She said he now asks his girlfriends if they like dirty talk before imposing it on them. A+, Alice! &amp;amp;#8230;the orally challenged guy When I was 11, my mom&amp;amp;#8217;s sister was getting divorced, and they wanted to see a movie and brought me along. The movie was Coming Home, the emotional story of a Vietnam vet (a young Jon Voight) who falls in love with the wife (a young Jane Fonda) of an officer at war. Voight is paralyzed from the waist down, and after a lot of plot, the two of them end up in bed. All you see is the top of his head going up and down under the covers and she&amp;amp;#8217;s saying things like &amp;amp;#8220;Softly, slowly.&amp;amp;#8221; Totally puzzled, I wondered, What is he eating? When I saw the movie again as an adult, I told my mother she was lucky that child welfare didn&amp;amp;#8217;t cart her away. But I also thought, Jeez, Jane&amp;amp;#8217;s giving him some pretty serious instructions&amp;amp;#8212;good for her. If only the rest of us were so bold! Felicia, 24, says, &amp;amp;#8220;I was once in a relationship with a man who left a lot to be desired when he went down on me. First I let go of the feeling that there &amp;amp;#8216;shouldn&amp;amp;#8217;t&amp;amp;#8217; have been a problem to begin with, that the emotional connection we shared had to automatically translate into perfect-10 sex. Then one night I asked him to show me how he liked to be touched. He was open and frank&amp;amp;#8212;and eager to reciprocate. Since we had an open line of communication going, I was comfortable telling him what I liked, and from then on, a whole new dynamic of unbelievably sexy fun became the basis of our physical relationship.&amp;amp;#8221; Smart, smart woman. &amp;amp;#8230;the pain inflicter You know the euphemism &amp;amp;#8220;nailing&amp;amp;#8221;? Like &amp;amp;#8220;Oh, yeah, dude, I nailed her&amp;amp;#8221;? Well, some guys seem to take it literally. Catherine, 25, had that jackhammer experience with an otherwise perfect man. &amp;amp;#8220;It made me feel like a piece of meat,&amp;amp;#8221; she says. Her tutoring technique: &amp;amp;#8220;It&amp;amp;#8217;s all about mixing the directions in with compliments. You can&amp;amp;#8217;t make a guy feel like he&amp;amp;#8217;s doing something wrong or he&amp;amp;#8217;ll go on the defensive. So you say, &amp;amp;#8216;Wow, that feels so good when you&amp;amp;#8217;re gentle&amp;amp;#8217; and then quickly follow it with a &amp;amp;#8216;Keep that up.&amp;amp;#8217; It&amp;amp;#8217;s all in the way that you approach it. There are slightly more direct tactics, too. &amp;amp;#8220;I dated a guy who didn&amp;amp;#8217;t realize how sensitive nipples are,&amp;amp;#8221; says Joyce, 31. &amp;amp;#8220;Apparently someone had told him that it felt good to chew and suck on them as hard as you can.&amp;amp;#8221; (Who told him this? A Rottweiler puppy?) &amp;amp;#8220;I didn&amp;amp;#8217;t want to say anything, so I simply tried doing it to him. One time I did it the right way and he loved it, the next time I did it his way, and he did not love it. He got the message&amp;amp;#8212;and I got to keep my nipples.&amp;amp;#8221; &amp;amp;#8230;the UTTERLY clueless guy I never like to generalize, but many of the smartest guys I&amp;amp;#8217;ve dated have been the dumbest at sex. I remember lying in bed with a guy who tried to impress me by naming all the chief justices of the Supreme Court and which president had nominated them. This was by far his greatest bedroom talent. We didn&amp;amp;#8217;t last long. Marisol, who&amp;amp;#8217;s 43 and involved with a 27-year-old (&amp;amp;#8220;I&amp;amp;#8217;m a bit of a cougar,&amp;amp;#8221; she offers freely), didn&amp;amp;#8217;t give up that easily. &amp;amp;#8220;He was just so inexperienced, and I wanted him to get better!&amp;amp;#8221; she says. Her strategy: phone sex. &amp;amp;#8220;It was a great way to verbalize our desires without the awkwardness of being face-to-face. And it allowed me to say exactly what I wanted, so the next time we were together, he delivered.&amp;amp;#8221; Trish, 38, taught her boyfriend what worked and what did not. &amp;amp;#8220;I was dating a guy who, in his mind, was an ace in bed. He didn&amp;amp;#8217;t have a clue. He actually thought thrusting my head into him while I was going down on him was good&amp;amp;#8230;not!&amp;amp;#8221; I have to raise my hand here. This is a pretty common move from some guys, and no one likes it. Fortunately Trish had a surefire way to get this guy to keep his hands to himself. &amp;amp;#8220;I grabbed a couple of scarves and tied his arms behind his back, blindfolded him and whispered in his ear, &amp;amp;#8216;I run this show&amp;amp;#8230;you just relax and enjoy the ride.&amp;amp;#8217; And he did.&amp;amp;#8221; These tactics may work for you, or they may not. The trick is to try&amp;amp;#8230;something. You owe it to yourself. And if you wind up going your separate ways after you&amp;amp;#8217;ve molded your man into a brilliant lover, well, chalk it up to making the world a better place&amp;amp;#8212;his next girlfriend will thank you. Julie Klam lives in New York City with her husband and daughter (neither of whom is allowed to read this article)."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2007/09/how-to-make-any-man-better-in-bed/3>