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" Troubled couples often complain that by the time they try marriage counseling, it&amp;#039;s too late. Marriage therapist Michele Weiner-Davis, the author of  Divorce Remedy, believes that if more couples were given practical, useful tools for solving their problems instead of being encouraged to analyze every single sentence they say to each other, they might not end up on the brink of a breakup. Read on for her five rules for keeping your marriage in good working order.   1. Don&amp;#039;t Just Talk, Take Action Ask yourself: &amp;quot;What am I doing to make my marriage work?&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Usually women say, &amp;#039;Everything,&amp;#039;&amp;quot; says Weiner-Davis. &amp;quot;But generally women talk and men are action oriented.&amp;quot; Marriage therapy, with its emphasis on verbal communication skills, can sometimes miss half the picture. &amp;quot;If you&amp;#039;ve ever heard yourself say, &amp;#039;I talk until I&amp;#039;m blue in the face,&amp;#039; that could be your clue.&amp;quot;  2. Do More of What Works To break bad patterns, you need to unearth the things you&amp;#039;re doing right and do them more often. When things go well, take the dynamics apart: What time of day is it? How do you talk to each other? What small things make a difference? The most common answer Weiner-Davis hears: &amp;quot;We spend more time together.&amp;quot; That makes sense: Time together builds friendship and connection. A date night, a hobby, or physical contact can provide a road map to getting back on track.  3. Do Less of What Doesn&amp;#039;t Work Do you find yourself constantly thinking that your spouse is stubborn? This isn&amp;#039;t just his problem; your tactics aren&amp;#039;t working. When you&amp;#039;re in a heated situation, stop and ask yourself, &amp;quot;What am I hoping to accomplish? Is what I&amp;#039;m about to do or say going to bring me closer to my goal or further away from it?&amp;quot; &amp;quot;If it&amp;#039;s further away,&amp;quot; says Weiner-Davis, &amp;quot;stop and do anything different.&amp;quot; 4. Remember Why You Married Him in the First Place &amp;quot;If you&amp;#039;ve been having a rough time with your spouse, your feelings will block out your memories of the good times,&amp;quot; Weiner-Davis says. When couples feel hopeless or angry, the focus shifts almost completely to what&amp;#039;s wrong instead of to why you fell in love. Revisiting what it was about each other that made you pledge to spend the rest of your lives together can point your energy toward a positive result instead of toward a negative one.  5. Decide to Love Each Other Even the strongest marriages are tested over time. Keep that in mind if you&amp;#039;re ever tempted to declare, &amp;quot;I love him, but I&amp;#039;m not in love with him.&amp;quot; &amp;quot;It&amp;#039;s the most common complaint,&amp;quot; says Weiner-Davis. &amp;quot;People say, &amp;#039;I fell out of love&amp;#039; the same way they say, &amp;#039;I fell off the roof.&amp;#039; But it doesn&amp;#039;t just happen. To be in love you have to make a decision on a daily basis to do things to be closer to your spouse, to keep the feeling of love going,&amp;quot; she explains. &amp;quot;Couples who lose the feeling of love have made a decision to let things slide and not make the relationship a priority. If you&amp;#039;ve made the decision to lose love, you can make the decision to rediscover it.&amp;quot; "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a86/rules-to-make-marriage-last/>