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" With the announced departure of Michele Bachmann from the World&amp;#039;s Greatest Legislative Body today, we inaugurate a new semi-regular weekly feature in which we study the possible successor to la Bachmann as Queen Regent of the Crazy People. (Louie Gohmert is, of course, emperor for life). A Top Commenter from Missouri has suggested Vicky Hartzler, who represents the Fourth Congressional District of that state and, boy howdy, the Top Commenter is not kidding. Among other things, Ms. Hartzler apparently believes that the heathen Chinese are spying on us through our toasters. And I am concerned. They are shipping all the, I&amp;#039;m concerned about the microchips. That they are in many, many of the things that we own. And some of those are embedded, I believe, with, with detection and, uh, capabilities or tracking capabilities.  She&amp;#039;d also rather the government not tolerate those &amp;quot;fringe religions&amp;quot; because the First Amendment says that Congress Shall Make No Law Unless Vicky Hartzler Thinks Your God Is Freaky. No, it&amp;#039;s not their role at all. Their role is to facilitate basic policy for our country and to not to try to lift up one religion over the other, they should be defending the basic rights that we have, that freedom of religion here, and certainly not facilitating or accommodating fringe religions, it&amp;#039;s crazy. However, Vicky Hartzler&amp;#039;s God is cool because He does great oppo research. &amp;quot;The accounts of Absalom and David reveal important truths about campaigning and serving,&amp;quot; Hartzler wrote. &amp;quot;Absalom was the first politician. He sought higher office and actively campaigned for it. Absalom won over the hearts of the people of Israel using time-tested campaign strategies. We, too, can campaign successfully following these same guidelines. In addition, if elected, we can serve honorably, heeding the insights gained from the circumstances behind his victory. Absalom was able to win not only because he implemented a winning strategy, but also because God allowed it as punishment for David&amp;#039;s sin with Bathsheba.&amp;quot; In 2012, she won re-election with 60 percent of the vote. So, yes, Vicky Hartzler, congratulations. You&amp;#039;ve made the field. Your nominations always welcome. Our lines are open. Operators are standing by. This is a free call. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a22799/our-new-family-fun-game/>