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"  This week on Girls, Hannah and Adam went to the funeral of David, her e-book publisher who recently died of causes related to being thrown into the Hudson River. Hannah learned many things at this funeral \u2014 David was straight, his wife was super hot, and he was friends with Zadie Smith \u2014 but most importantly, his company is canceling all of his projects, leaving poor Hannah&amp;#039;s e-book without a home. Back at Casa Hannadam, Adam and his sister Caroline fight constantly, and it is very boring and loud and I hope she disappears soon. Hannah eventually kicks her out for being boring and loud, so maybe today is my lucky day and I should go out and buy a lottery ticket. In other news: Marnie got a cat and had sex with Ray, Ray got rid of his soul patch, Jessa is trying to get a job at a children&amp;#039;s store, and Shoshanna is studying really hard so she can get into a good business school. Hannah&amp;#039;s lost e-book, now held hostage by a publishing contract she naturally didn&amp;#039;t read, was a memoir about &amp;quot;the hand job kidney stone, the time I feel asleep on a pile of pizza boxes, when I made out with a Cuban refugee, and the thing happened with the glitter pens.&amp;quot; I would 100 percent read that. This show is your life: -Adam and Caroline&amp;#039;s fight began because she was trying to make a meal using his last remaining eggs. You could say you haven&amp;#039;t already had this fight with your roommate 500 times this year, but you&amp;#039;d be lying. -Jessa binge-watches The Forensic Files instead of trying to find gainful employment. -Marnie gets a cat and immediately asks Hannah to come see it, then freaks out when Hannah says no. Their phone conversation appears to have been directly transcribed from at least three identical chats I&amp;#039;ve had with friends in the past year. Is that you, NSA? -Marnie whispers to the cat, &amp;quot;You&amp;#039;re my best friend.&amp;quot; Someone needs to show Marnie\u00A0Please Help Me Beyonc\u00E9. I&amp;#039;m sure it would do absolute wonders for her life. -Jessa smokes e-cigarettes. -Shoshanna thinks e-cigarettes are for dorks. -Hannah is worried that in 25 years she&amp;#039;ll be living in the same apartment worrying about asbestos. Honey, you just need a landlord who tells you up front that the place definitely had asbestos, like mine did! This show is not your life: -David was secretly married to Jennifer Westfeldt. Aside from it being ludicrous to believe he was straight, there is no way that tiny, shrill gnome would be married to a woman that hot. Her real-life boyfriend is Jon Hamm, who is the real-life Don Draper but without all the assholery. Downgrade, Jennifer! -Hannah immediately found a new publisher for her e-book and they want to publish it as a real book. You can&amp;#039;t even find a Duane Reade that fast in New York, and they are on nearly every corner. -Every single thing about the totally insane Caroline. She&amp;#039;s like Bertha Rochester, Miss Havisham, and every single Manic Pixie Dream Girl ever all rolled into one giant, impossible ball of crazy. Girls airs Sundays at 10/9c on HBO. Follow Eliza on Twitter. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/tv/reviews/a19695/girls-episode-5-recap/>