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" There&amp;#039;s a long tradition of movies in which nothing happens, particularly in Russia; some would argue that director Andrei Tarkovsky (1932-1986) made the greatest, slowest films in cinematic history. However, American filmmakers can be just as compelling in ways that are almost as boring. Here are some classic Movies for Guys Who Like Movies That Will Never Appear on TBS.   Sleep (1963)Nothing happens to an unconscious man Andy Warhol films for five hours and twenty-one minutes. For some reason, I would like to watch this movie with Thom Yorke.    My Dinner With Andre (1981)Nothing happens to two men at a restaurant.   Metropolitan (1990)Nothing happens to people who read The New Yorker.    Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)Nothing happens to desperate misanthropes who attempt to sell real estate in a profane, merciless world. Disclaimer: Does include yelling and rainfall.   What Happened Was... (1994)Nothing happens to two coworkers on an intimate first date (unless you count coming to the realization that they hate being alive as &amp;quot;something&amp;quot;).    Flirt (1995)Nothing happens three times.   Kicking &amp;amp;amp; Screaming (1995)Nothing happens to a bunch of postgraduate goofballs who enjoy literature and booze. Quite possibly the greatest artistic achievement of the twentieth century. Also of interest: Highball, an improvisational companion movie Noah Baumbach made (using much of the same cast) at roughly the same time. Nothing happens in Highball, either, despite the fact that two characters dress like Godzilla.    Gummo (1997)Nothing happens to the fictionalized, freakish rednecks who inhabit the real-life community of Xenia, Ohio, a town profoundly devastated by a 1974 tornado. Wildly unpopular among members of the Xenia Board of Tourism.   Security, Colorado (2001)Nothing happens to an underemployed woman with a sketchy boyfriend. Includes footage of the protagonist updating her r\u00E9sum\u00E9.    Gerry (2002)Nothing happens to two hikers who get lost in a desert, one of whom is Matt Damon.    The Brown Bunny (2003) Nothing happens to an asshole with a semidecent van and a huge cock. Better than advertised.   Primer (2004) Nothing happens to two engineers, although they do wear ties, watch the NCAA tournament, and travel through time.  Chuck Klosterman is the author of many fine books, including Chuck Klosterman IV which is available at your local bookstore or online, at BarnesAndNoble.com. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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