<http://schema.org/articleBody>
" Last year, REDBOOK launched our popular Live Your Dream series. Our first installment featured 40-year-old Cate Colburn-Smith, who yearned to write a book about her experiences \u2014 and those of her female colleagues at IBM \u2014 of balancing work and motherhood, including breast-feeding while holding down a full-time job. Galvanized by her work with REDBOOK life coach Laura Berman Fortgang, Cate not only wrote the book (with colleague Andrea Serrette) but actually had it published! Thanks, Laura! The Milk Memos is a moving and entertaining read with smart advice for any working mom. Big congratulations to Cate and Andrea for having \u2014 and living \u2014 their big dreams!  For those of us who work outside of the home, either by choice or by necessity, the day comes when we must kiss our babies good-bye. How do we do it? We try to be brave. We tell ourselves that our children will be well taken care of, that we are providing for our families, that the work we do is worthwhile. At one level, we are relieved to have a break from the all-consuming demands of full-time motherhood. We find pleasure in the relationships, the mental stimulation, and the challenges we face at the office. At a deeper level, we feel guilty. We know that no one else can truly substitute for Mommy. And underlying the guilt, we feel the longing. It&amp;#039;s like the longing of new romantic love, only a thousand times stronger. That&amp;#039;s where our little stack of tattered notebooks came in. It all started when the following note was written on a piece of paper towel in the lactation room at our company:  &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m a new mom and today is my first day back at work. Is anyone else using this room?&amp;quot; \u2014 Cate   Boy, were they! The paper towel was soon replaced with a series of notebooks full of anecdotes, questions, and advice from nursing moms. Those notebooks provided much-needed solace and powerful inspiration \u2014 about breast-feeding and so much more. Friendships formed quickly, and eventually we began looking forward to pumping and keeping abreast (ha) of the &amp;quot;news.&amp;quot; We Milk Mamas (as we began to call ourselves) supported and encouraged one another, somehow managing to keep a sense of humor about it all. As we learned, some moms find comfort in pumping during the workday because it helps them feel connected to their babies. Others find pumping a hassle and a disruption. Either way, motherhood stares you in the face when you&amp;#039;re pumping milk at work, breasts exposed. Let pumping while working be your stake in the ground that says, &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m a mom, first and foremost.&amp;quot; No apologies! Here is some of our story. We hope it makes yours a little easier. Some Milk Mamas start to feel better after the first few weeks, but don&amp;#039;t beat yourself up if you&amp;#039;re not one of them. Though you&amp;#039;ve gotten over the initial hump, the road ahead will have many ups and downs. The first week back at work is a bit of a reunion \u2014 your colleagues are excited to have you back, you&amp;#039;re interested to hear about everything that&amp;#039;s happened while you were in babyland, and your workload hasn&amp;#039;t ramped up yet. After a few weeks, reality begins to set in. The things you loved about your work may not seem quite as appealing. The things you hated are still there. You haven&amp;#039;t settled into a regular routine yet, you&amp;#039;re sleep deprived, you miss your baby like crazy, and you&amp;#039;re preoccupied with wondering how he&amp;#039;s doing in your absence.   Monday, April 16 &amp;quot;Caleb&amp;#039;s latest talent is smiling at me. There is nothing cuter. Isn&amp;#039;t it amazing to watch them learn each little thing? I hate missing even a minute of it. It&amp;#039;s just not the same hearing about Caleb&amp;#039;s day from my aunt or mom.&amp;quot; \u2014 Andrea     Monday, April 16 &amp;quot;Andrea, I know what you mean about missing the smiles. Charlotte&amp;#039;s new skill is putting her toes in her mouth. Mondays are the worst. Instead of savoring every moment I had with Charlotte this weekend, I found myself dreading coming to work. I can&amp;#039;t stand being here with this mechanical pump while my nanny or my husband holds Charlotte and feeds her breast milk from a plastic bottle. I&amp;#039;m not at all sure that I can pull this working-mom thing off.&amp;quot; \u2014 Cate     Monday, April 16 &amp;quot;I am right there with you, and on top of being brokenhearted, I am feeling totally overwhelmed at work. It&amp;#039;s sort of like trying to join a sprinting race 10 seconds after the starting gun has sounded. I feel like I&amp;#039;m in last place and there&amp;#039;s no way to catch up because the other runners are all toned and fit, and I&amp;#039;ve been out of the race for three months.&amp;quot; \u2014 Andrea  Monday, April 16 &amp;quot;What&amp;#039;s with all this heavy stuff? You guys need to take a deep breath and eat more chocolate. Take it a day at a time. You&amp;#039;ll get into a groove, I know it.&amp;quot; \u2014 Stacy Our advice? Don&amp;#039;t give up! Recognize that you&amp;#039;re in the midst of a huge adjustment. Eventually we all need to believe that our babies will be fine in the care of another, but that no one will ever take our place as Mommy in our children&amp;#039;s hearts. Be patient with yourself. Allow time to work its magic as you sort through the emotional and practical challenges of blending motherhood, breast-feeding, and career... until smooth.  You&amp;#039;ll inevitably stumble on the age-old question: Can you have a fulfilling career and still be the mom you want to be? Unfortunately, no \u2014 at least not during your first weeks and months back. We have yet to meet a mom who dove back into her job with gusto, able to put all thoughts of her baby aside until she returned home at the end of the day. Others may expect you to be the same person as before. You may even try to be the same person. It&amp;#039;s not possible. Beware: Guilt comes with the territory of being a working mom. If you&amp;#039;re at work thinking about your baby, you may feel guilty that you&amp;#039;re not totally focused on work. And, at some level, you may feel guilty for leaving your baby in the first place. If you have to take time off work to be with your baby for a doctor&amp;#039;s appointment or if she&amp;#039;s sick, you may feel guilty about that. Or you might find yourself loving your job and enjoying the time away, and then you may feel guilty for not feeling guilty. You just can&amp;#039;t win.   Tuesday, April 24 &amp;quot;Wow \u2014 I took a conference call while I was pumping this morning. How weird was that! I felt totally self-conscious as my nipples stretched out and back while I listened to people discuss long-range plans, key initiatives, critical dependencies, and milestones. By the way, we tried feeding Charlotte rice cereal last night. I have mixed feelings about it. I know I can&amp;#039;t always be her sole source of nutrition, but I&amp;#039;m not ready for her to go to the next stage. (I cried when she went from size 1 to size 2 diapers.) My husband is convinced the cereal will help her sleep through the night.&amp;quot; \u2014 Cate     Tuesday, April 24 &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m looking forward to Caleb&amp;#039;s first solid food feast \u2014 I want him to fatten up. After all, this is the only time in life when pudgy rolls of fat are cute! That must have been bizarre to be on a conference call while pumping. I always wonder what everyone&amp;#039;s doing during those calls. I have a friend who claims to often take conference calls in the nude. Who knew?&amp;quot; \u2014 Andrea     Wednesday, April 25 &amp;quot;Today I had to get here at 8 a.m. for a meeting. I nursed Charlotte right before leaving and was trying to rush her. She had that half-asleep look of contentment, until I had to take her off my breast before she was finished nursing. She started groping for my breast, but I had to lay her on the floor crying because I had to finish getting dressed and my nanny was running late. Now I can&amp;#039;t get the image of Charlotte on the floor out of my mind! I want SO MUCH to be holding her!&amp;quot; \u2014 C  Stop the madness! Some degree of guilt is unavoidable, but don&amp;#039;t let it creep in and take over like a nasty bindweed. You have a right to take your child to the doctor. Thinking and talking about your baby while at work is acceptable. Needing time away from your baby is okay too. Do the best you can and don&amp;#039;t be too hard on yourself.   Monday, April 30 &amp;quot;Stacy and Andrea, I decided to bring a few items to make our clubhouse a little less &amp;#039;janitor closet&amp;#039; and a little more &amp;#039;pumping palace&amp;#039;! So far I brought dusty silk flowers and a few newer magazines.&amp;quot; \u2014 Cate     Tuesday, May 1 &amp;quot;My contributions to the palace: soap and hand lotion for everyone to share, and I confiscated a paper-towel roll, which was left on the counter in the Building 2 bathroom!&amp;quot; \u2014 Fairy Godmother (Stacy)     Wednesday, May 2 &amp;quot;Next improvement: Let&amp;#039;s all bring in pictures of our babies and plaster them all over the walls! Let&amp;#039;s start with this picture of Charlotte in her ExerSaucer!&amp;quot; \u2014 Cate  Monday, May 7 &amp;quot;Who swiped the soap? It&amp;#039;s missing. And I brought Caleb pics for the wall.&amp;quot; \u2014 A  Monday, May 7 &amp;quot;The pictures of Caleb are great. I brought some more of Charlotte. Don&amp;#039;t they make a cute couple? Honestly, it&amp;#039;s not too early to start thinking about prom!&amp;quot; \u2014 Cate  Tuesday, May 8 &amp;quot;This place is looking better by the day! You won&amp;#039;t believe what I did: I forgot my bottles. After momentary panic I went to the cafeteria and helped myself to two coffee cups. The challenge was placing the cups at just the right distance apart on the table, then holding my breast shields while hovering above the cups, and being careful not to knock one over. I&amp;#039;m exhausted. Of course, the Pump In Style cooler doesn&amp;#039;t exactly accommodate coffee cups, so now I have put the cups in the Building 2 fridge and hope nobody disturbs them. Do you think I should mark them &amp;#039;Stacy&amp;#039;s breast milk, not half-and-half!&amp;#039;?&amp;quot; \u2014 Stacy  Tuesday, May 8 &amp;quot;Is there room for one more at your party? My name is Stephanie, and I have a little boy named Darren. He was born March 13th, and I came back to work April 30th. I wasn&amp;#039;t able to take more than six weeks off because we live on my income. My husband is a stay-at-home dad. He used to be an elementary-school teacher, and I know he&amp;#039;s better suited to be a stay-at-home parent than I am, but I still feel jealous. It&amp;#039;s been a tough adjustment for me.&amp;quot; \u2014 Steph &amp;quot;P.S. What&amp;#039;s with no guaranteed paid leave in this country? We should all move to Sweden, where parents get 18 months paid leave per child!&amp;quot;  Wednesday, May 9 &amp;quot;WELCOME, STEPHANIE! Don&amp;#039;t get me started about paid leave. My friend in Canada got 35 weeks, and someone told me that moms in Bulgaria get two years! We&amp;#039;d love to see pics of Darren! My little one is Charlotte, and my husband is a part-time stay-at-home dad.&amp;quot; \u2014 Cate  Wednesday, May 9 &amp;quot;Thanks for the warm welcome. I have to tell you up front \u2014 I hate pumping, but maybe it will be easier in this palace!&amp;quot; \u2014 Steph &amp;quot;P.S. I&amp;#039;ll bring pics.&amp;quot; No matter the size of your workplace, it is perfectly reasonable to expect support, space, and time for pumping. To get what you need, you might have to educate your employer. Stand tall and state the facts. According to Abbott Laboratories (interestingly, the company that makes Similac formula), breast-feeding:    Reduces absenteeism  \u2014 breast-fed babies are sick less often; therefore their moms are absent less frequently from work. And when breast-fed babies do get sick, they usually recover faster, so absences are shorter.   Reduces health-care costs \u2014 companies save an average of $400 in health-care costs, per baby, over the first year.   Improves employee job satisfaction as well as retention \u2014 lactation programs create a family-friendly atmosphere, resulting in higher job satisfaction and morale, and greater company loyalty. This also reduces the costs of recruiting, hiring, and training new employees.   Enhances company image \u2014 companies that support breast-feeding enhance their ability to attract and retain new employees.   Improves productivity \u2014 when breast-feeding mothers feel supported, they become more productive at the office.   Start by asking for the basics: a clean, private room with a table, chair, electrical outlet, door, and no windows (or if there are windows, curtains are a must). Feeling bold? Ask for the room to be located near a bathroom or a kitchen area where you can wash your bottles. Or try asking for the moon: a lactation room equipped with a hospital-grade pump for sharing. Instead of lugging a pump to work each day, each mom could bring her own personal set of breast shields, tubing, bottles, and parts \u2014 and &amp;quot;hook up.&amp;quot; The point is, don&amp;#039;t be afraid to ask. You might be surprised by what you get in return.  Love your job or hate it, you&amp;#039;re a mom now, and your very nature has changed. Over time, you&amp;#039;ll begin to define how much space your career needs and how much motherhood needs. What was the toughest thing about going back to work?  &amp;quot;After being on bed rest for a large part of my pregnancy, I found the hardest part of returning to work after six weeks \u2014 aside from leaving my daughter, Paige \u2014 was physically getting through a day with a body that was still in recovery. Luckily, I work in a retirement community where there were lots of built-in grandmas just dying to hear about her.&amp;quot; \u2014 Stacy Adkins, 33, Morrisville, NC  &amp;quot;I stayed home with my baby boy for seven months, so by the time I went back, he was attached. He didn&amp;#039;t want to be in day care, and I could hear him crying in the background when I called. I would cry in my cube after I hung up.&amp;quot; \u2014 Deborah Monagle, 33, Hawthorne, NJ  &amp;quot;I was exhausted! My first child was a horrible sleeper, waking up every hour. On my way home after my first week back, I was driving in stop-and-go traffic. I fell asleep at the wheel and rolled into the car in front of me! Luckily nobody was hurt.&amp;quot; \u2014 Kelly Anondson, 36, Farmington, MN  &amp;quot;I was so ready to go back to work after having triplets! But the toughest part was getting everyone ready \u2014 it&amp;#039;s not easy to get four kids under the age of 3 into their coats and car seats and on the way to day care and school!&amp;quot; \u2014 Merilee Mulvaney, 44, Kirkwood, MO  Pumping on the job was...  &amp;quot;...so stressful! My teaching schedule only allowed for two breaks, and once while I was pumping in my locked classroom, a student walked in with her parents! The custodian let them in, and I don&amp;#039;t know who was more embarrassed, but I was glad it was near the end of the school year.&amp;quot; \u2014 Kim Patton, 32, Topeka, KS  &amp;quot;...a great part of my day. I work in an office with a lactation room, which was nice and private, and it was something I looked forward to!&amp;quot; \u2014 Kristine Kalinowsky, 37, Houston, TX  &amp;quot;...just part of my daily routine. My father and I work in the same building, and he has an office inside of his office with a door that closes. He also has a fridge, so I could store my breast milk and not worry about how people would react to having it in the office refrigerator.&amp;quot; \u2014 Amanda Helm, 30, Riverton, IL  &amp;quot;...scary. I had to use a public restroom \u2014 thank God for Lysol wipes! \u2014 and there was construction going on, so I was surrounded by noisy construction workers. I was really afraid that someone would walk in on me, or be crawling around in the attic and fall in on me!&amp;quot; \u2014 Karen Dilber, 32, St. Louis  "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.redbookmag.com/life/mom-kids/advice/a316/mommy-memos-hl/>