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" Writes Save the Date reader Rita: I&amp;#x27;ve always had a great relationship with my fiance&amp;#x27;s aunt. There are times that she made comments that raised a few eyebrows, but I was able to overlook them. When we got engaged, this aunt offered to officiate our wedding, and my fiance and I accepted. Now fast-forward to a couple of weeks ago: My fiance and I were having a &amp;quot;wedding meeting&amp;quot; along with this aunt, another aunt, and my mom. Mid-meeting, officiant aunt FLIPPED OUT on me for being rude. Not for being rude to her, mind you. For being rude to my fiance and the other aunt. And when I say &amp;quot;flipped out,&amp;quot; I mean it! She screamed at me, flipped me off when I said we needed to talk, and then sent me a follow-up text saying how horrible I am and that she&amp;#x27;s capable of &amp;quot;walking away from abusive people.&amp;quot; Meanwhile, no one else at the meeting thought I was out of line. I&amp;#x27;ve been stressed, so I probably wasn&amp;#x27;t at my nicest, but &amp;quot;abusive&amp;quot;? Um, no. After the fact I apologized again and asked her to explain what upset her. I said I was blindsided by her reaction, and it made me nervous that she was set to marry us, because I don&amp;#x27;t want there to be tension on our wedding day. Well, this just made things worse. She&amp;#x27;s since started emailing my fiance to tell her how she REALLY feels about me, and she&amp;#x27;s being mean. In addition to calling me &amp;quot;abusive,&amp;quot; she says I&amp;#x27;m also &amp;quot;horrible&amp;quot; for not wanting her to marry us. I&amp;#x27;m sorry, but I just don&amp;#x27;t! I don&amp;#x27;t want someone who thinks so poorly of me standing up in front of my closest friends and family members on our wedding day, especially since she&amp;#x27;s shown us her true colors. I don&amp;#x27;t want to risk another flip-out! I understand that she&amp;#x27;s family and she&amp;#x27;ll be in our lives forever, so part of me thinks I should just suck it up and let her marry us. Then again, she&amp;#x27;s so mad that she won&amp;#x27;t even talk to my fiance, so why does she even want to marry us? I don&amp;#x27;t know what the right thing to do is&amp;amp;#8212;but our wedding is just two months away! Help! Here are my thoughts: Honestly, I just don&amp;#x27;t see how you can make things OK with this woman in time for your wedding. I&amp;#x27;m not saying one of you is right and the other is wrong, but clearly there are a lot of hurt feelings and a lot of anger here, and I don&amp;#x27;t think you want that tension&amp;amp;#8212;which probably isn&amp;#x27;t going to dissipate in two short months&amp;amp;#8212;setting the tone for your wedding day. Even if things are seemingly fine, a lot of people (you, your mom, and your fiance, to name a few) are going to be on edge on your wedding day. And even if you were 100 percent in the wrong (which I don&amp;#x27;t think you were), I don&amp;#x27;t think any level of apology from you is going to fix this in time. So here&amp;#x27;s what I&amp;#x27;d do: First of all, find another officiant, stat. You don&amp;#x27;t want to be left in a position where this aunt is your only option. After that, I&amp;#x27;d try apologizing to the aunt again, just so you&amp;#x27;re not dealing with this nonsense for years to come. Since you haven&amp;#x27;t had much luck communicating in person (with the screaming and the flipping off) I think you&amp;#x27;d be wise to email her. (Plus, if you and your fiance try to sit her down for a face-to-face chat, it&amp;#x27;ll be a two-against-one scenario, which will automatically put her on the defensive.) So I&amp;#x27;d send a little email like this: Dear Aunt So-and-So, I just want you to know how sad Fiance and I are about the state of our relationship with you. We&amp;#x27;ve always enjoyed having you in our lives, and we really feel your absence. I&amp;#x27;ll admit that wedding planning has stressed me out, and I&amp;#x27;m sorry if my stress came off as rudeness. I hope you know I would never be mean or abusive to anyone, especially Fiance or a family member. We don&amp;#x27;t think it&amp;#x27;s fair to ask you to officiate our wedding when there&amp;#x27;s still a lot of tension between us, but we hope that it can be resolved in the very near future. We&amp;#x27;d love to get together for lunch next weekend, and we hope that you&amp;#x27;ll still join us as a guest at our wedding. In the meantime, again, please accept my apology, and know that we look forward to having you be a part of our lives and our wedding. Love, Rita Obviously writing that exact email is going to involve some sucking it up on your part. But even if you weren&amp;#x27;t in the wrong, I think it&amp;#x27;s best to kill her with kindness now, rather than dealing with drama drama drama down the line. And this way, if she continues to be ridiculous, at least you can say you made an honest effort. Ladies, what do you think? Should Rita give in and let this aunt marry her? Or should she stick to her guns? Have a wedding-y dilemma of your own? Email me! Photo: Thinkstock."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/weddings/blogs/save-the-date/2013/04/i-got-in-a-fight-with-our-offi>