1. A portable status sentry comprising: a portable memory device; auto-run instructions resident on the portable memory device, the auto-run instructions comprising status instructions, wherein the auto-run instructions are configured to be executed by a computing device to load the status instructions into memory of the computing device when the portable memory device is in communication with the computing device, the status instructions configured to cause the computing device to: acquire status data associated with a monitored device from a corresponding status file accessible via a first network, wherein the status data is continually updated by the monitored device via a second network that is distinct from the first network; process the continually updated status data to produce a status measure relating to a status of monitored device; process the status measure to issue an alert associated with the monitored device; acquire status data associated with a telephone in response to the issued alert, wherein the telephone has a telephone status file accessible via the second network and the telephone status file is associated with a telephone number of the telephone; process the status data associated with the telephone to produce a status measure relating to a status of the telephone, wherein the status measure is indicative of a change in a hook state of the telephone; and issue a control command to send the issued alert associated with the monitored device to the telephone based on the status measure relating to the status of the telephone.