1. A method comprising: (a) downloading a self-contained executable ( 100 ) to data storage ( 320 ) of a client computer ( 300 ); wherein the self-contained executable ( 100 ) comprises at least: (i) a software update patch ( 112 ) for updating pre-existing software ( 310 ) on the client computer ( 300 ); (ii) an updater package ( 116 ) associated with the software update patch ( 112 ), wherein the updater package includes at least one predetermined required computer state condition; and (iii) a package processing engine ( 120 ); (b) executing, via a processor ( 330 ) of the client computer ( 300 ), the self-contained executable ( 100 ), wherein the executing comprises: (i) activating the package processing engine ( 120 ); (ii) reading, via the package processing engine ( 120 ), the at least one predetermined required computer state condition of the updater package ( 116 ); (iii) investigating, in response to the reading, a state of the client computer ( 300 ); and (iv) determining, based at least on the investigating step, whether the state of the client computer ( 300 ) matches the at least one predetermined required computer state condition of the updater package ( 116 ); (c) in response to the executing step (b), completing via the processor ( 330 ) of the client computer ( 300 ), a predetermined action wherein: (i) when the state of the client computer ( 300 ) matches the at least one predetermined required computer state condition, the completing comprises installing the software update patch ( 112 ) on the client computer ( 300 ); (ii) when the state of the client computer ( 300 ) does not match the predetermined required computer state condition, the completing comprises completing a predetermined step selected from the group consisting of: (I) terminating the completing step; and (II) forcing the client computer ( 300 ) into a state that matches the predetermined required computer state condition of the updater package, and installing the software update patch ( 112 ) on the client computer ( 300 ).