1. A module for communicating real-time customizable alerts at a clinical diagnostic analyzer to an external monitor, the module comprising: a customized event detection sub-module embodied in hardware computer in the clinical diagnostic analyzer, wherein customized events include a first event, wherein a customized event comprises a specified logical combination of basic events, each basic event reflects a detection of a descriptor of the state of the colonial diagnostic analyzer, whereby customized facilitate maintenance of the clinical diagnostic analyzer; a connection sub-module embodied in hardware computer providing a link to the external monitor, wherein the external monitor, linked to the clinical diagnostic analyzer via a secure connection, receives an alert in response to the detection of the first event, wherein the alert does not include patient identifying information; a sub-module embodied in hardware computer for dynamically updating customized events to be detected to include a second event; and a data-logging facility embodied in hardware computer for logging information to be sent to or retrieved by the external monitor; wherein instructions to define the second event are communicated via instructions coded in a markup language to perform at least one of (a) dynamically modify a customized event, (b) add a new event, and (c) add a customized event.