1. A method, for remotely controlling a function of a mobile communications device, comprising: storing, by a processor, to a tangible computer-readable storage medium of a network device, a single file including three distinct components: (i) a first function-control instruction, (ii) a second function-control instruction, and (iii) an executable remainder, wherein: the executable remainder includes an executable file to be executed at the mobile communications device; the first function-control instruction includes first directions advising the mobile communications device on a first manner by which the mobile communications device should execute the executable remainder; and the second function-control instruction includes second directions advising the mobile communications device on a second manner by which the mobile communications device should execute the executable remainder; and communicating, by the processor, transmitting the single file, including the executable remainder, the first function-control instruction, and the second function-control instruction, from the network device to the mobile communications device for executing the first function-control instruction and the second function-control instruction and performing the function associated with the executable remainder in accord with the first function-control instruction and the second function-control instruction; wherein: the first function-control instruction relates to a speed by which a user of the mobile communications device is expected to consume media associated with the executable remainder; and the function-control instruction is based on at least one factor selected from a group of factors consisting of: a number of images associated with the executable remainder; a length of words in a block of text associated with the executable remainder; a type of content associated with the executable remainder; a time of day; and another task running on the mobile communications device.