1. A method, comprising: downloading, from a host computer, a self-contained executable to data storage of a client computer, the self-contained executable comprising a software update patch for updating pre-existing software on the client computer and an updater package associated with the software update patch, the updater package including at least one predetermined required computer state condition, wherein the self-contained executable has been authored at an authoring computer, prior to the downloading, after the software update patch is received by the authoring computer, by configuring the updater package in accordance with one or more attributes of the software update patch, and one or more required computer state conditions of the software update patch, and wherein, prior to the downloading, the authoring computer has sent, over a network, the self-contained executable to the host computer; executing, via a processor of the client computer, the self-contained executable, the executing comprising: reading the at least one predetermined required computer state condition from the updater package; in response to the reading, investigating a state of the client computer, the investigating comprising examining a registry or filesystem of the client computer to determine software currently running on the client computer; determining, based at least on the investigating, whether the state of the client computer matches the at least one predetermined required computer state condition; and in response to determining that the state of the client computer does not match the at least one predetermined required computer state condition, forcing the client computer into a state that matches the at least one predetermined required computer state condition, and installing the software update patch on the client computer.