When is it appropriate to use お宅 to refer to the second-person?


An answer to ["What is the most natural way to refer to someone when you don't
know their name and don't have a close relationship with
them?"](https://japanese.stackexchange.com/a/2851/542) suggests that お宅 may be
used to refer to the second person.

When is (or was) the use of お宅 appropriate? Because rikaikun defines お宅 as:

>   * your house; your home; your family; your husband; your organisation;
> **you (referring to someone of equal status with whom one is not especially
> close)**
>

There is some conflict with the fact that the answer to the other question was
voted down.




When a politician of the political party in power talks to a member of the
former Government political party, he/she may say
「お宅の党の政策のつけが今こちらに周ってきているんですよ。」. It is less polite than saying
「～さんの党の政策のつけが・・・」. It sounds equal to say 「あなたの党の・・・」 here but 「お宅」 implies
that the relationship between the talking person and the second person is not
close and rather estranged compared to 「あなた」.

Another situation would be when a neighbor who you do not know very well asks
you, 「お宅の庭の木の実が周辺に散らばっているので片付けてもらえませんか?」. It's less friendly to be told than
「～さん、木の実が周辺に散らばってるので・・・」. So it implies that the talking person does not
necessarily wants to talk to you unless he/she wants to solve the issue. Here
also 「あなた」 could be used like 「あなたの庭の木・・」 but the differences are subtle and I
think 「あなた」 can give a sense of acknowledging the person while 「お宅」 does not.
So I would say in general 「お宅」 (used as the second person) implies
unfamiliarity towards the second person.

If a customer is called 「お宅」, it sounds really rude. For example, a waiter at
a restaurant asks the customer an order then says 「お宅、ご注文はお決まりでしょうか？」. It
should be 「お客様、ご注文は・・・」. But if an illegal drug dealer says 「お宅、何にするか決まった？」,
it sounds appropriate.




When a politician of the political party in power talks to a member of the
former Government political party, he/she may say
「お宅の党の政策のつけが今こちらに周ってきているんですよ。」. It is less polite than saying
「～さんの党の政策のつけが・・・」. It sounds equal to say 「あなたの党の・・・」 here but 「お宅」 implies
that the relationship between the talking person and the second person is not
close and rather estranged compared to 「あなた」.

Another situation would be when a neighbor who you do not know very well asks
you, 「お宅の庭の木の実が周辺に散らばっているので片付けてもらえませんか?」. It's less friendly to be told than
「～さん、木の実が周辺に散らばってるので・・・」. So it implies that the talking person does not
necessarily wants to talk to you unless he/she wants to solve the issue. Here
also 「あなた」 could be used like 「あなたの庭の木・・」 but the differences are subtle and I
think 「あなた」 can give a sense of acknowledging the person while 「お宅」 does not.
So I would say in general 「お宅」 (used as the second person) implies
unfamiliarity towards the second person.

If a customer is called 「お宅」, it sounds really rude. For example, a waiter at
a restaurant asks the customer an order then says 「お宅、ご注文はお決まりでしょうか？」. It
should be 「お客様、ご注文は・・・」. But if an illegal drug dealer says 「お宅、何にするか決まった？」,
it sounds appropriate.

