Is it proper to thank waitstaff, cashiers, etc. for their service?


In my Japanese class we were taught that one does not need to thank a cashier
when they check you out or a server when they bring you your meal, but I
always feel awkward remaining silent. Was my sensei wrong? Specifically:

  * What is the usual exchange between customer and cashier when paying for an item?
  * What is the usual exchange when a waiter brings you your food?
  * When leaving a restaurant, is it appropriate to say ごちそうさまでした? 美味しかったです? ありがとうございました?




The thing to keep in mind is that this isn't a ritualized situation, such as
the `只今{ただいま}/お帰{かえ}り`, "I'm back" / "welcome back", call and response
pattern. When you come and go from the office or home, there are set patterns.
This restaurant situation isn't like that.

Specific to your questions, there is no usual exchange between customer and
cashier when paying for an item, or when a waiter brings you your food. Most
Japanese I observe seem almost as if they don't acknowledge the existence of
the staff and say nothing. However, some kind of nod or word would be
perfectly acceptable if you wanted to do it.

On the way out, there is nothing at all wrong with thanking wait staff at
restaurants. The worst that can happen is that they think you're a little
unnecessarily polite, and that ain't a bad thing, is it? The words just mean
what the words mean, and you can use them as you see fit, in order to
represent yourself as you would prefer. Let's look at the implications:

As pointed out, you do not have to say `ありがとう` as you are a customer paying
for a service. But you could, and it won't even raise eyebrows. You could say
`どうも`. It's not inappropriate, but it is casual. Imagine, in English, at a
restaurant saying, "hey, thanks man!" to the waiter as you leave. Does it fit
the environment? You make the call.

Another one not mentioned so far that you'll often hear at casual restaurants,
particularly at `回転寿司{かいてんずし}`, rotating sushi places, is `お愛想{あいそう}` or
`お愛想{あいそ}` which are both ways of saying "[bill
please](http://dictionary.goo.ne.jp/leaf/je2/7404/m0u/%E3%81%8A/)".

`美味{おい}しかった`, "that was delicious", isn't a statement of gratitude for the
service, it's a comment on the food. Say it if you actually think the food was
good. What restaurant doesn't want to hear that the food was delicious?

Lastly, you can just take care of proceedings by asking for the bill by
calling out `お会計下{かいけいくだ}さい`, "bill please", or `お勘定下{かんじょうくだ}さい`, "check
please", or variants (you could drop the `お` and/or the `ください`) , without
saying any kind of gratitude statement. Just keep it about the business, and
no one will mind.

* * *

_**My bonus cultural observation:_** The Japanese concept of service is that
it's not about the people. The person working at a store or restaurant becomes
entirely a representative of that place while on duty, and they check their
individual personality at the door. So for the customer, the staff does not
merit personal interaction the way other people do.

To a non-Japanese mind, it seems a little harsh, as in other cultures, like
mine, we tend to think about the person doing the job. I tend to sympathize
with the guy doing the minimum wage job. However, in Japanese culture, it's
not an attempt to be superior to the service staff, it's an acknowledgement
that the service staff are also not necessarily personally invested in the
job.

In some ways, there is a certain liberation in the concept, because the staff
can also detach themselves from the job so as not to take issues personally.

Hope that helps.

