what does させてもらう really mean?


Before asking this question, I've done a good amount of research. I learned
that させてもらう conveys the nuance of "allow me to do" or "I'll have you let me do
X" or "I'll take the liberty of doing X" or even "May I?" However, in my
native language, we rarely use causative forms, and learning them in English
was a bit of a struggle too. That's why it's so hard for me to wrap my head
around this concept.

If someone says: Context: a coworker about doing a project on her own.
自分でやらせてもらうことにしました

What does she really say?

A friend of mine (a Japanese friend) told me to think about it as "もらう =
you're thankful" and "させる = you let yourself do sth because you don't want to
burden other people" So, technically you're grateful for taking the burden
from other people. Well, in the work context it seems just fine. But then I
saw this sentence.

私はそれを参考にさせてもらうよ。 I can't apply her logic at all to this one.

Help!




The literal meaning of 自分でやらせてもらうことにしました is indeed "I decided to have you
allow me to do it myself", but usually it can be translated to English simply
as "I decided to do it myself" or "I decided to take the liberty of doing it
myself".

I hope you can get what's happening by comparing the following sentences
logically:

  * 食べろ Eat it!
  * 食べさせろ！ Let me eat it! / Allow me to eat it!
  * 食べてもらった。 Someone ate it (which pleased me).
  * 食べてもらおう。 Let's have someone eat it (for me).
  * 食べさせてもらった。 Someone allowed me to eat it (which pleased me).
  * 食べさせてもらおう。 Let's have someone allow me to eat it (for me).

But you don't have to translate a fixed pattern like this literally. Remember
English _Let's_ as in _Let's go_ is also technically causative.

