Can you use "anata" with people you don't know well?


I have read repeatedly that the pronoun "anata" (meaning "you") is very
personal and should not be used.

But to say something like "Which car is yours?" I would say "Dono kuruma ga
anata no desu ka?"

I don't really know a way around phrasing it that way. Is it rude / unusual to
say something like that to someone you've only just met, like service staff,
etc?




The pronoun "anata" _is_ the supposed neutral way to refer to someone whose
name you're not aware of, and it's OK to use it to a stranger if you can't
think of any other way to phrase the thing you want to ask.

The main reason why it's so frequently warned against is that the first
instinct of speakers of English (and other Western languages) is to use the
word "you" in almost every sentence, when it isn't actually necessary in
Japanese, and therefore will sound awkward. Native Japanese speakers won't
generally resort to "anata" unless there's really no other option, and in the
vast majority of situations, there _will_ be a more natural way of phrasing
whatever it is you want to say.

For most everyday sentences, it will be possible to avoid using any pronouns
at all, simply using honorific language to make it clear when you're referring
to the listener (as in the basic "onamae wa?" where there's no need to say the
"you" of "what's _your_ name?" because the honorific "o" already indicates
whose name you're talking about.) If you can avoid addressing the person by
name at all, so much the better.

If mentioning the name is unavoidable, there are a number of alternative
strategies that will usually be employed before falling back on "anata". For
instance, if you're employed in any kind of job where you have to talk to
strangers on a regular basis, it will probably be appropriate to consider them
a customer and address them as "okyaku-sama", so "anata" will never be used.

If you're talking to random strangers on the street, depending on your
relative ages, it may be natural to address them by terms like "ojii-san",
"obaa-san", "oji-san", "oba-san", "onii-san", "onee-san", "ojou-san", and so
on and so forth. (Most of these will come across as somewhat familiar, and so
might not be a great choice in all situations, but they can definitely be more
natural than "anata" depending on how friendly-versus-polite you want to
sound.) For children who are much younger than you, you would generally go for
"kimi" rather than "anata" anyway.

Finally, if you're addressing someone whose name you don't know _yet_ because
you've just met them, there's a tendency to avoid using "anata" by instead
making a slight pointed hesitation and trailing off when you reach the point
in the sentence where you would ordinarily say their name. If you do it right,
they'll pick up on the cue and introduce themselves, allowing you to carry on
using their actual name.

Now, for the actual sentence you brought up in the question (asking a service
staff member which car is theirs), I'm not actually sure off the top of my
head what strategy would be employed. This seems like a somewhat unusual
situation (it would be much more common for the service staff to be asking
_you_ , in which case the easy "okyaku-sama" choice is available). Depending
on the type of service worker, it might be appropriate to to call them
something like "ten'in-san" after their position, or even "onii-san" etc. if
the setting isn't too formal. If there's no obvious option that seems natural,
_then_ it might finally be appropriate to resort to "anata". (Though there may
well be yet another alternative strategy I'm failing to cover!)




The pronoun "anata" _is_ the supposed neutral way to refer to someone whose
name you're not aware of, and it's OK to use it to a stranger if you can't
think of any other way to phrase the thing you want to ask.

The main reason why it's so frequently warned against is that the first
instinct of speakers of English (and other Western languages) is to use the
word "you" in almost every sentence, when it isn't actually necessary in
Japanese, and therefore will sound awkward. Native Japanese speakers won't
generally resort to "anata" unless there's really no other option, and in the
vast majority of situations, there _will_ be a more natural way of phrasing
whatever it is you want to say.

For most everyday sentences, it will be possible to avoid using any pronouns
at all, simply using honorific language to make it clear when you're referring
to the listener (as in the basic "onamae wa?" where there's no need to say the
"you" of "what's _your_ name?" because the honorific "o" already indicates
whose name you're talking about.) If you can avoid addressing the person by
name at all, so much the better.

If mentioning the name is unavoidable, there are a number of alternative
strategies that will usually be employed before falling back on "anata". For
instance, if you're employed in any kind of job where you have to talk to
strangers on a regular basis, it will probably be appropriate to consider them
a customer and address them as "okyaku-sama", so "anata" will never be used.

If you're talking to random strangers on the street, depending on your
relative ages, it may be natural to address them by terms like "ojii-san",
"obaa-san", "oji-san", "oba-san", "onii-san", "onee-san", "ojou-san", and so
on and so forth. (Most of these will come across as somewhat familiar, and so
might not be a great choice in all situations, but they can definitely be more
natural than "anata" depending on how friendly-versus-polite you want to
sound.) For children who are much younger than you, you would generally go for
"kimi" rather than "anata" anyway.

Finally, if you're addressing someone whose name you don't know _yet_ because
you've just met them, there's a tendency to avoid using "anata" by instead
making a slight pointed hesitation and trailing off when you reach the point
in the sentence where you would ordinarily say their name. If you do it right,
they'll pick up on the cue and introduce themselves, allowing you to carry on
using their actual name.

Now, for the actual sentence you brought up in the question (asking a service
staff member which car is theirs), I'm not actually sure off the top of my
head what strategy would be employed. This seems like a somewhat unusual
situation (it would be much more common for the service staff to be asking
_you_ , in which case the easy "okyaku-sama" choice is available). Depending
on the type of service worker, it might be appropriate to to call them
something like "ten'in-san" after their position, or even "onii-san" etc. if
the setting isn't too formal. If there's no obvious option that seems natural,
_then_ it might finally be appropriate to resort to "anata". (Though there may
well be yet another alternative strategy I'm failing to cover!)

