How should I refer to my family?


I'm only starting to learn the language so last lesson I learned the family
members. My teacher mentioned some "rules" and I wanted to know if they were
correct and if people actually talk this way:

  1. When talking to your own family member you should use the words that refer to someone else's family (when talking to my own mother I should call her おかあさん instead of はは).
  2. When talking about **your family** with someone else it's ok to call them はは、ちち、あに、あね、etc.
  3. When talking with someone else about **their** family then use おかあさん、おとうさん、おねえさん、etc.




In Japan there is a distinction between _inside_ and _outside_. If you know
which you're dealing with, it will help you determine the words you use. (This
applies to more than just how you talk about your family. It'll apply to if
you're working for a business and dealing with customers or people from
another company. It's a very important distinction that marks conversational
styles in Japanese practically all the time.)

When you're just with someone from your family, you're talking with someone
who's on the _inside_ , So, you use the words like おかあさん, おとうさん, etc to talk
about the respective members of your family.

When you're talking with someone who's not from your family, you're talking
with someone _outside_ your family. So you will use _humble_ terms to refer to
your own family members and the non-humble forms for the person _outside_ of
your family.

The _humble_ forms are はは, ちち, etc.

The _non-humble_ forms are おかあさん, おとうさん, etc.

* * *

* * *

Read the following with a bit of caution since in English we easily break
these **rules**. But in most situations what I describe here is fairly
accurate.

Assuming English is your native language (or a language you're fluent in), one
way to think about this is to consider how you would refer to, let's say, your
mom. If you were to say,

> Mom walked to the bank.

then, even in English, it's pretty clear you're talking to someone from
_within_ your family. If you were talking to someone who's not part of your
family this can sound slightly odd (though in English it generally doesn't
bother us too much). But, most likely if you were talking to someone from
outside your family, in English you'd more likely say,

> My mom walked to the bank.

If you said,

> Your mom walked to the bank.

in English, then you're most likely talking to someone who's not in your
family.

My point is that even in English with these words we draw these distinctions.

If in English you would say _my mom_ , you're most likely talking with someone
who's on the _outside_. So the corresponding Japanese would be はは. If in
English you would say _your mom_ , again you're most likely talking with
someone who's on the _outside_. So the corresponding Japanese would be おかあさん.

If in English you would say *mom" (without _my_ or _your_ attached to it),
you're most likely talking to someone _inside_ your family. So, in Japanese
you would say, おかあさん.

* * *

Another point of interest. While in English we say "my mom" or "your mom", in
Japanese you don't. I think the only time you might say something like 私のおかあさん
would be first as a question (like "are we talking about my mom?") And even
then perhaps only if somehow there was a misunderstanding resulting between
you and the person you're talking to misconstruing what's inside vs outside.
But generally, I think 私のおかあさん would sound rather rude in Japanese regardless
of inside or outside distinctions. I think it would come across a bit like
you're saying you possess your own mom.




In Japan there is a distinction between _inside_ and _outside_. If you know
which you're dealing with, it will help you determine the words you use. (This
applies to more than just how you talk about your family. It'll apply to if
you're working for a business and dealing with customers or people from
another company. It's a very important distinction that marks conversational
styles in Japanese practically all the time.)

When you're just with someone from your family, you're talking with someone
who's on the _inside_ , So, you use the words like おかあさん, おとうさん, etc to talk
about the respective members of your family.

When you're talking with someone who's not from your family, you're talking
with someone _outside_ your family. So you will use _humble_ terms to refer to
your own family members and the non-humble forms for the person _outside_ of
your family.

The _humble_ forms are はは, ちち, etc.

The _non-humble_ forms are おかあさん, おとうさん, etc.

* * *

* * *

Read the following with a bit of caution since in English we easily break
these **rules**. But in most situations what I describe here is fairly
accurate.

Assuming English is your native language (or a language you're fluent in), one
way to think about this is to consider how you would refer to, let's say, your
mom. If you were to say,

> Mom walked to the bank.

then, even in English, it's pretty clear you're talking to someone from
_within_ your family. If you were talking to someone who's not part of your
family this can sound slightly odd (though in English it generally doesn't
bother us too much). But, most likely if you were talking to someone from
outside your family, in English you'd more likely say,

> My mom walked to the bank.

If you said,

> Your mom walked to the bank.

in English, then you're most likely talking to someone who's not in your
family.

My point is that even in English with these words we draw these distinctions.

If in English you would say _my mom_ , you're most likely talking with someone
who's on the _outside_. So the corresponding Japanese would be はは. If in
English you would say _your mom_ , again you're most likely talking with
someone who's on the _outside_. So the corresponding Japanese would be おかあさん.

If in English you would say *mom" (without _my_ or _your_ attached to it),
you're most likely talking to someone _inside_ your family. So, in Japanese
you would say, おかあさん.

* * *

Another point of interest. While in English we say "my mom" or "your mom", in
Japanese you don't. I think the only time you might say something like 私のおかあさん
would be first as a question (like "are we talking about my mom?") And even
then perhaps only if somehow there was a misunderstanding resulting between
you and the person you're talking to misconstruing what's inside vs outside.
But generally, I think 私のおかあさん would sound rather rude in Japanese regardless
of inside or outside distinctions. I think it would come across a bit like
you're saying you possess your own mom.

