With whom to use different honorific forms? 丁寧語より尊敬語・謙譲語・丁重語


With whom is it considered proper to use 尊敬語・謙譲語・丁重語 instead of 丁寧語?

I mean saying おいでになります・伺います・参ります instead of 行きます.

The often given example is for a service-person speaking with a customer, but
what about when speaking with 先生 or coworkers?

In particular, inside a company, would it be normal to use 尊敬語・謙譲語・丁重語 with
anyone older or higher in rank? It seems like that might be too excessive.

Does usage depend on factors such as context or personality?




> In particular, inside a company, would it be normal to use 尊敬語・謙譲語・丁重語 with
> anyone older or higher in rank? It seems like that might be too excessive.
> Does usage depend on factors such as context or personality?

This is very tricky even for a native Japanese, and it does vary among
companies. One has to observe others and gauge what the temperature is (aka
空気を読む).

That said, in business settings, 尊敬語・謙譲語 as opposed to 丁寧語 is generally not
used if you speak often with the person. This is probably because it's
somewhat more cumbersome to communicate, and it also signals a distance. If
you are using 尊敬語・謙譲語, you are in theory being respectful, but it also means
you aren't going to have a close relationship. Therefore it's possible to
offend people by using 尊敬語・謙譲語. Also, if you use overly respectful language
when the situation doesn't warrant it, you can actually sound disrespectful
(aka 慇懃無礼). With 丁寧語 you are generally safe.

Conversely you can offend people by using タメ口, but when you are very close to
a higher ranking/older person and the person isn't very 体育会系 (i.e. cares a lot
about hierarchy), then using タメ口 can bring the relationship much closer. It's
all about being very observant, like many aspects of life in Japan are ;)
However, with 丁寧語 you can become very close, too so it's not an issue if you
have to use 丁寧語.

To recap, if you are in doubt, stick with 丁寧語. If the person is so higher
ranking that you are unlikely to talk to them on a daily basis (like 3 ranks
above etc.), then it should be safe to use 尊敬語・謙譲語.

