How does Bylth's translation of this haiku by Kiin hold up?


> 柴ふねの立枝も春や朝かすみ (shiba-fune no risshi mo haru ya asa-kasumi)
>

>> How spring-like the branches

>>

>> Standing up in the firewood boat

>>

>> In the morning mist

>>

>> --Kiin

Probably my favorite haiku from when I was hot and heavy into the work of
Blyth. The contrast of life and death caught in that ominous stillness--good
stuff. But my Japanese is shit, so I was hoping that someone more fluent could
possibly illuminate any discrepancies they noticed in the translation done by
Blyth and/or what would be a more accurate translation of the poem.




It seems fine to me. There's not much latitude to the translator; the imagery
is quite concrete, and all the elements of the original are reflected pretty
much directly in Blyth's version. A word-by-word rendering would be: _Firewood
boat's standing-branches [emphasis] / spring! / morning mist_. One could
perhaps read the も as "too" and say "the firewood, too, [is a part of/a sign
of this season: the] spring!"; but that change seems inconsequential to the
overall meaning anyway.

The only point in question for me is that I thought 立枝 was read _tachi-e_ ,
not _risshi_ ; but I'm not sure of it either.

Incidentally, I didn't feel this poem as ominous or particularly death-related
(as, say, Bashō's _tsuwamonodomo_ ). Just seems like an average haiku scene to
me, with a cold spring morning and the mist and someone already hard at work
shipping firewood.

[![sample picture of firewood
boat](https://i.stack.imgur.com/Er0im.jpg)](https://i.stack.imgur.com/Er0im.jpg)




It seems fine to me. There's not much latitude to the translator; the imagery
is quite concrete, and all the elements of the original are reflected pretty
much directly in Blyth's version. A word-by-word rendering would be: _Firewood
boat's standing-branches [emphasis] / spring! / morning mist_. One could
perhaps read the も as "too" and say "the firewood, too, [is a part of/a sign
of this season: the] spring!"; but that change seems inconsequential to the
overall meaning anyway.

The only point in question for me is that I thought 立枝 was read _tachi-e_ ,
not _risshi_ ; but I'm not sure of it either.

Incidentally, I didn't feel this poem as ominous or particularly death-related
(as, say, Bashō's _tsuwamonodomo_ ). Just seems like an average haiku scene to
me, with a cold spring morning and the mist and someone already hard at work
shipping firewood.

[![sample picture of firewood
boat](https://i.stack.imgur.com/Er0im.jpg)](https://i.stack.imgur.com/Er0im.jpg)

