How to concatenate negative form of verbs to make use of the pattern ～て、～て、～します?


I want to say,

> For health, I don't smoke, don't drink alcohol too much, do much exercise.

Here is my attempt, but

> 健{けん}康{こう}のために、たばこを吸{す}わなくて、あまりお酒{さけ}を飲{の}まなくて、よく運{うん}動{どう}しています。

my teacher said it sounds weird but she has not explained to me why it is
weird.

Could you help me to make it correct?




Your sentence does sound awkward, if not terribly ungrammatical, for using
「～～なくて」 multiple times. To me, it sounds "forced" or at least "translated" for
the purpose of getting used to the negative te-form, but the way you used it
is making the sentence sound unadultlike.

To "correct" it with the minimum amount of plastic surgery, I might suggest
something like:

> 「健康のために、たばこ **は** 吸わず、あまりお酒 **も** 飲まず、よく運動する **ようにしています** 。」

The next one would probably be too much trimming, but to avoid using 「ず」
multiple times, one could say:

> 「健康のために、タバコ **や** お酒 **は(or を)** [控]{ひか}え、よく運動するようにしています。」

You may just disregard my second sentence.




Your sentence does sound awkward, if not terribly ungrammatical, for using
「～～なくて」 multiple times. To me, it sounds "forced" or at least "translated" for
the purpose of getting used to the negative te-form, but the way you used it
is making the sentence sound unadultlike.

To "correct" it with the minimum amount of plastic surgery, I might suggest
something like:

> 「健康のために、たばこ **は** 吸わず、あまりお酒 **も** 飲まず、よく運動する **ようにしています** 。」

The next one would probably be too much trimming, but to avoid using 「ず」
multiple times, one could say:

> 「健康のために、タバコ **や** お酒 **は(or を)** [控]{ひか}え、よく運動するようにしています。」

You may just disregard my second sentence.

