What are the differences between なさる and される?


I noticed なさる and される are both used as 尊敬語. What are some of their
differences? How do I know when to use each one?




There is a lot of subtlety involved, and getting it right is something that
will require a lot of practice, but as a general rule of thumb, される is
probably the way to go, outside of set phrases.

なさる runs the risk of coming across as needlessly deferential, which can be as
bad as not being deferential enough.

In set phrases such as おやすみなさい, なさる is of course perfectly acceptable,
irrespective of interpersonal relationships between the referent and the
referrer; which is probably why they have become set phrases.

There are, however, three neat tricks to it:

  * As a learner, you won't be judged as harshly on slips. In fact, if they are noticed at all they are likely to be ignored and chalked up to ignorance, and rapidly forgotten.

  * More often than not, you'll have people around you with experience in the matter. Listen well, not only to what the person you are talking to is saying, but to what those around you are saying. Experienced speakers will give you the answer for most any situation, if you care to listen.

  * When alone with someone where their use is appropriate, observe closely. If される seems to put them at unease, try to understand why and either move up to なさる or down to する. What another thinks of themselves and your relationship is not necessarily obvious, so knowing how to watch and match expectations is often more useful than a rote study of when to use what.

**Edit:**

I don't think I mentioned it explicitly, but it bears mentioning: なさる is more
deferential than される, and this is their primary difference.




There is a lot of subtlety involved, and getting it right is something that
will require a lot of practice, but as a general rule of thumb, される is
probably the way to go, outside of set phrases.

なさる runs the risk of coming across as needlessly deferential, which can be as
bad as not being deferential enough.

In set phrases such as おやすみなさい, なさる is of course perfectly acceptable,
irrespective of interpersonal relationships between the referent and the
referrer; which is probably why they have become set phrases.

There are, however, three neat tricks to it:

  * As a learner, you won't be judged as harshly on slips. In fact, if they are noticed at all they are likely to be ignored and chalked up to ignorance, and rapidly forgotten.

  * More often than not, you'll have people around you with experience in the matter. Listen well, not only to what the person you are talking to is saying, but to what those around you are saying. Experienced speakers will give you the answer for most any situation, if you care to listen.

  * When alone with someone where their use is appropriate, observe closely. If される seems to put them at unease, try to understand why and either move up to なさる or down to する. What another thinks of themselves and your relationship is not necessarily obvious, so knowing how to watch and match expectations is often more useful than a rote study of when to use what.

**Edit:**

I don't think I mentioned it explicitly, but it bears mentioning: なさる is more
deferential than される, and this is their primary difference.

