Is あなた considered rude?


So a Japanese teacher told me that あなた (anata) was a bit rude. But today I
talked with a Japanese and she used あなた ... so, I'm a bit confused (we just
met in a language exchange app).

So I suspect あなた isn't actually rude. Maybe it's the standard "you" (even if
you just met that person)? I'm not sure ...




The word あなた is used for people you don’t know the name of, or that you’re
very close too.

In Japanese, as soon as you know a person’s name, you’re expected to use that,
even when talking directly to them.

Japanese people on language exchange apps don’t mind using あなた because they
expect people to be not good enough in Japanese yet to make that distinction.

Just know that normally only good friends (or even lovers) use あなた. And that
you probably shouldn’t use it anymore as soon as you know the person’s
(sur)name.

I’ll give examples from my own experience in Japan.

> Every time I met a new person, they’d call me あなた (or an equivalent to it).
> But as soon as they knew my name they stopped using it. After I became close
> friends to a couple of people, I got called あなた again by those people, or
> just my name without a suffix.




It's rude depending on who you address and how. Most people aren't on a first-
name basis or on a "you" basis unless they are close enough to do so. To
assume that you can say あなた to just anyone could make some connections with
some people a little too close for comfort.

That being said, it's a bit on a person-to-person basis, but I suspect that
the reason why your instructor has said it is rude is because, in a typical
"business" or "formal" setting, whenever addressing someone, you'll want to
address them by their family name followed by an appropriate suffix, unless
instructed by that person to do otherwise.

Be also aware that the pronouns "I" and "You" are much less common in Japanese
than they are in western languages, in part because the Japanese language is
structured in such a way that if a subject or topic is known it can usually be
omitted from a conversation as it is understood that that is the subject or
topic. This is in direct contrast to how we use them in western languages.
Compare and contrast this very simple exchange:

In Japanese:

> 田中： 吉田さん、おはようございます。お元気ですか。  
>  吉田： 元気です。 田中さんは？  
>  田中： 元気です。 今日はいい天気だね。  
>  吉田： そうだね。 そういえば、今晩会社員さんたちと居酒屋に来ませんか。  
>  田中： いいですね。 では、またね。

It's a bit "textbook"-y, but notice the absence of pronouns.

In English, a similar exchange:

> Tanaka: Good morning Mr. Yoshida. How are **you**?  
>  Yoshida: **I'm** well, thanks. How about **you**?  
>  Tanaka: **I'm** well, thanks. Today has good weather, doesn't it?  
>  Yoshida: Yes it does. Now that **you** mention it, won't **you** come with
> the coworkers to a pub tonight?  
>  Tanaka: Sounds good. Then, see **you** later.

