Checking skit translation


I am trying to make a skit with a group and this is what they have decided
they want the beginning to be.

We are very new to Japanese, taking a compressed class this summer and are
having trouble composing the sentences correctly.

Would anyone mind checking it out and see how we did in our translations?

The things in bold I am particularly concerned about.

> _N trips_
>
> N: いたい
>
> A: だいじょぶですか。
>
> B: びょういんのでんわをかけますか。 Do you need me to call an ambulance?
>
> **N: いいえ、びょういんのでんわをかけません。だいじょうぶです。No I don't need an ambulance. I'm fine.**
>
> N: ええと、はじめましたキリスですよろしくおねがいします。
>
> **A: リチですこれわジエイソンくんです。私のともだちです。I am Rich. This is (my friend) Jason.** This
> doesn't even say what i want. I believe it says, "I am Rich, this is Jason.
> At the very least I think the last line should be 私はジエイソンくんのともだちです。
>
> B:ともだちじゃないです。
>
> A：eeh?
>
> **B:じょだんです。** ごしゅっしんは **I am joking** , where do you come from? I would like
> this to be more natural like i am obviously joking perhaps じょだんです,じょだんです?
>
> N:カナダです。
>
> A/B: そですね。




> ええと、はじめましたキリスですよろしくおねがいします。
[code]

    Suggestion: ええと、はじめまして。キリスです。よろしくおねがいします。
    
[/code]

> A:リチですこれわジエイソンくんです。私のともだちです。

This would mean, "I'm Rich. This is Jason. He is my friend."

Don't use "kore" for a person, use "kochira". Also, beware of わ. は is the
correct hiragana for "wa" particle usage.

"私はジエイソンくんのともだちです" would mean, "I am Jason's friend."

[code]

    Suggestion: "My name is Rich. This is my friend Jason."
    わたしのなまえはリチです。こちらはわたしのともだち、ジェイソンです。
    
[/code]

> B:じょだんです。 ごしゅっしんは
[code]

    Suggestion: じょうだんだよ。ごしゅっしんは？
    
[/code]

This still sounds unnatural to me to have these two right next to each other.
I fixed the hiragana spelling of joudan and changed it to "da yo". If you two
are friends you should use the casual copula and "yo" for emphasis.

> N:カナダです。
[code]

    Suggestion: カナダからきました。(I came from Canada.) 
    
[/code]

> A/B: そですね。

`Suggestion: そうですか。`

Sou desu ne implies that you already knew he came from Canada, and you are
agreeing with them.

Sou desu ka means that you didn't know before, "Is that so?"




> ええと、はじめましたキリスですよろしくおねがいします。
[code]

    Suggestion: ええと、はじめまして。キリスです。よろしくおねがいします。
    
[/code]

> A:リチですこれわジエイソンくんです。私のともだちです。

This would mean, "I'm Rich. This is Jason. He is my friend."

Don't use "kore" for a person, use "kochira". Also, beware of わ. は is the
correct hiragana for "wa" particle usage.

"私はジエイソンくんのともだちです" would mean, "I am Jason's friend."

[code]

    Suggestion: "My name is Rich. This is my friend Jason."
    わたしのなまえはリチです。こちらはわたしのともだち、ジェイソンです。
    
[/code]

> B:じょだんです。 ごしゅっしんは
[code]

    Suggestion: じょうだんだよ。ごしゅっしんは？
    
[/code]

This still sounds unnatural to me to have these two right next to each other.
I fixed the hiragana spelling of joudan and changed it to "da yo". If you two
are friends you should use the casual copula and "yo" for emphasis.

> N:カナダです。
[code]

    Suggestion: カナダからきました。(I came from Canada.) 
    
[/code]

> A/B: そですね。

`Suggestion: そうですか。`

Sou desu ne implies that you already knew he came from Canada, and you are
agreeing with them.

Sou desu ka means that you didn't know before, "Is that so?"

