Dissecting the sentence 自分がそうなってみて、実感としてそう感じる。


This serves as a follow up question related to
[this](https://japanese.stackexchange.com/questions/78325/understanding-%E5%8C%97%E9%87%8E%E6%AD%A6-%E5%85%A8%E6%80%9D%E8%80%83),
with a focus on the last paragraph. Again, here's the passage:

> 物体は激しく動けば、それだけ摩擦が大きくなる。人間だって、激しく動くと熱を持つのだ。端から見れば、輝いている人間のことが、きっと羨ましく見えるのだろう。
>
> だけど、輝いている本人は熱くてたまらないのだ。(中略)
>
> これは真面目に、けっこう辛いことなのだ。
>
> カッコつけているわけじゃない。 **自分がそうなってみて、実感としてそう感じる。**

What makes this sentence difficult to understand is it introduces a subject 自分
and makes use of そう which acts like a 指示詞.

### What I know so far

From broccoli facemask's (broc's) comment, I learned that 自分 refers to the
author, and that it is the author's way of sympathizing with the 輝いている人.

### What I don't know yet

  1. What does そう refer to? Or even before that, do the two そう refer to two different things? At first I thought the first そう refers to 辛いこと but if I try to match broc's comment, it doesn't make sense that 自分 = 筆者 will become a concept: 辛いこと. So it must be that the first そう refers to 輝いている人. Then the second そう must refer to a feeling as hinted by the verb 感じる so it must refer to 辛いこと.
  2. Knowing that 自分 = 筆者 and keeping in mind brocs's [comment](https://japanese.stackexchange.com/questions/78325/understanding-%E5%8C%97%E9%87%8E%E6%AD%A6-%E5%85%A8%E6%80%9D%E8%80%83#comment128204_78325) that "自分がそうなってみて、実感としてそう感じる means that he actually feels it, not only an imagination", I still can't understand the construction of the verb なってみて. As I understand it, this can be broken down to なってみても = なる + てみる + ても, where てみる is the grammar point explained [here](http://japanesetest4you.com/flashcard/learn-japanese-grammar-34) and ても is the grammar point explained [here](https://japanesetest4you.com/flashcard/learn-jlpt-n4-grammar-%E3%81%A6%E3%82%82-temo/). If this is correct, I would translate this to "(Even) if I try to be like 輝いている人, I will really feel the 辛いこと."

So there goes my line of reasoning. Where did I go wrong?




  1. > _What does そう refer to?_

This is an essay written in loose composition, so both そう might not be found
grounded on a short phrase, but given this context, it is reasonable, as you
said, to fill in 輝いている人間/激しく動く人間 and けっこう辛い, respectively.

  2. > _I still can't understand the construction of the verb なってみて._

This みて belongs to a minor usage of
[みる](https://dictionary.goo.ne.jp/word/%E8%A6%8B%E3%82%8B/).

> ㋑「てみると」「てみたら」「てみれば」などの形で、その結果、ある事実に気づいたり、その条件・立場が認められたりすることを表す。「踏みこんで **みる**
> ともぬけのからだった」「親として **みれ** ば、そう言わざるをえない」

It does not mean "try to V" but is used as the first part of conditional to
mean "when one has actually V-ed" or "when one ends up V-ing". The key is that
_it always implies you already have had such an experience, not a hypothetical
situation_. Of course, in a long shot, it is an expansion of "try" みる, as you
can say:

> やってみたらとても簡単だった _When I tried it, it was quite simple._

But you can no longer use "try" in such a sentence as in your case.

> 自分がそうなってみて、実感としてそう感じる。  
>  _Now as I have become such myself, I feel so as a real experience (couldn't
> feel more so)._




  1. > _What does そう refer to?_

This is an essay written in loose composition, so both そう might not be found
grounded on a short phrase, but given this context, it is reasonable, as you
said, to fill in 輝いている人間/激しく動く人間 and けっこう辛い, respectively.

  2. > _I still can't understand the construction of the verb なってみて._

This みて belongs to a minor usage of
[みる](https://dictionary.goo.ne.jp/word/%E8%A6%8B%E3%82%8B/).

> ㋑「てみると」「てみたら」「てみれば」などの形で、その結果、ある事実に気づいたり、その条件・立場が認められたりすることを表す。「踏みこんで **みる**
> ともぬけのからだった」「親として **みれ** ば、そう言わざるをえない」

It does not mean "try to V" but is used as the first part of conditional to
mean "when one has actually V-ed" or "when one ends up V-ing". The key is that
_it always implies you already have had such an experience, not a hypothetical
situation_. Of course, in a long shot, it is an expansion of "try" みる, as you
can say:

> やってみたらとても簡単だった _When I tried it, it was quite simple._

But you can no longer use "try" in such a sentence as in your case.

> 自分がそうなってみて、実感としてそう感じる。  
>  _Now as I have become such myself, I feel so as a real experience (couldn't
> feel more so)._

