Is it offensive to say あなた?


My teacher says that we should avoid `あなた`, like `わたし`, which could be taken
off. Following this, I try to refer to the second person by the name:
`加藤さんの趣味は何ですか`. But there are situations where we forget the name. How can we
say "You" without being rude, or using `あなた`? I give some examples, but they
could be wrong:

> A: 久しぶり。元気してた？  
>  B: 久しぶりだね～元気だよ。あなたは？ (is it better to say: そっちは？?)

> A: あなたの名前は？ (is it a little rude? should I hide あなたの?)

> A: あなたの作ったケーキがおいしかったよ。  
>  B: 本当？あなたのケーキのほうがおいしかったと思うけど。

> 店員：あなたは何を探しますか？

> A: あなたはむてき！




This is what [デジタル大辞泉](https://dictionary.goo.ne.jp/jn/5417/meaning/m0u/) says
about あなた:

>   1. 対等または目下の者に対して、丁寧に、または親しみをこめていう。
>   2. 妻が夫に対して、軽い敬意や親しみをこめてい。
>

In definition (1), it's said that あなた is used for second person who is
equivalent or subordinate/inferior/junior while being polite or
intimate/familiar. Definition (2) states that it can also be used between
spouses to intimately call each other.

So, あなた itself is not offensive if used appropriately while taking your
relationship with the other person into consideration. You have to be careful
if you want to use it with strangers because it would seem that you are
assuming the other parties as equivalent or inferior to you, or that you are
trying to be familiar with them. Since the Japanese culture encourages being
reserved towards outgroups and strangers, you better be sure if you really
want to use あなた, otherwise stick to using names (e.g. 田中さん), professions (e.g.
先生) and indirections (e.g. そちら) to refer to the other person.




This is what [デジタル大辞泉](https://dictionary.goo.ne.jp/jn/5417/meaning/m0u/) says
about あなた:

>   1. 対等または目下の者に対して、丁寧に、または親しみをこめていう。
>   2. 妻が夫に対して、軽い敬意や親しみをこめてい。
>

In definition (1), it's said that あなた is used for second person who is
equivalent or subordinate/inferior/junior while being polite or
intimate/familiar. Definition (2) states that it can also be used between
spouses to intimately call each other.

So, あなた itself is not offensive if used appropriately while taking your
relationship with the other person into consideration. You have to be careful
if you want to use it with strangers because it would seem that you are
assuming the other parties as equivalent or inferior to you, or that you are
trying to be familiar with them. Since the Japanese culture encourages being
reserved towards outgroups and strangers, you better be sure if you really
want to use あなた, otherwise stick to using names (e.g. 田中さん), professions (e.g.
先生) and indirections (e.g. そちら) to refer to the other person.

