What is the difference between ないでくれる and てくれない?


> 「俺たちを見捨て **ねえでくれる** のはまあ、ありがたいですがね。……いくら俺たちが人獣だからって、手前 **んとこや**
> 親戚のチビどもとそう変わらねえガキが、むざむざ死んでくのを平気で見てられるほど残忍じゃありませんや。……気が変わったなら構わねえ、俺たちだけで行けって、命じてください」
>
> 86─エイティシックス─Ep.3 ─ラン・スルー・ザ・バトルフロント─〈下〉 安里アサト

This question crossed my mind when I read this sentence. What is the
difference between ないでくれる and てくれない? Could you illustrate the difference with
some examples?

By the way, what does the んとこや mean here?

[![enter image description
here](https://i.stack.imgur.com/JMDp1.jpg)](https://i.stack.imgur.com/JMDp1.jpg)




In ～ないでくれる _not_ doing the verb is considered beneficial to the speaker, as
your example illustrates (見捨てる is not generally a good thing), while in ～てくれない
the verb itself would be a good thing but they're not doing it - like
「なんで一緒に行ってくれないの？」

If they're used in requests, also, ～ないでくれる？ is asking someone _not_ to do
something (「そんな目で見ないでくれる？」), whereas ～てくれない？ is just a politer way of phrasing
～てくれる？ (「お皿洗ってくれない？」)

If he had said 見捨ててくれねえ it would have confusingly sounded like he thought it
would have been a good thing if they had, and then immediately contradicting
himself.

