Using 「～さん」 when referring to both oneself and others: precedence?


In [this question](https://japanese.stackexchange.com/questions/45179/when-
shouldnt-i-use-%E3%81%95%E3%82%93-when-referring-to-a-third-person) ("When
shouldn't I use 「〜さん」when referring to a third person?"), the consensus seems
to be that one should avoid referring to one's own boss, coworker, etc. in an
elevating manner by using ～さん.

Nevertheless, referring to other people's relatives in general still calls for
a respectful manner of address with ～さん. It intrigues me what happens when
these two "guidelines" overlap; for example, when your boss happens to be the
husband of the person you are talking to, or when you are talking to your
coworker's wife about him.

My gut feeling says using ～さん and being respectful has precedence in those
cases; would that be correct?




First, when you talk to a person who is not involved in the company, i.e. not
a customer etc., you basically don't regard your boss or coworker as one who
belongs to your own group in relation to the listener unless you have
particular reason to do so (for example, the listener is enough close to you).

Second, in general, bond among a family is considered tighter than that of a
company. So, a coworker you are referring to belongs to the listener's side
unless the situation is strictly official, where being family member is not an
important factor.

So, you usually use honorifics, as you say.




First, when you talk to a person who is not involved in the company, i.e. not
a customer etc., you basically don't regard your boss or coworker as one who
belongs to your own group in relation to the listener unless you have
particular reason to do so (for example, the listener is enough close to you).

Second, in general, bond among a family is considered tighter than that of a
company. So, a coworker you are referring to belongs to the listener's side
unless the situation is strictly official, where being family member is not an
important factor.

So, you usually use honorifics, as you say.

