Should 私の be omitted?


I have the following sentence on my Japanese LinkedIn page:

私 の 目的 は 主導 と 代表的 な 執行 と 技術革新 通じて 例外的 な 質 を 生むて います。 It is meant to mirror my
English mission statement: "My mission is to deliver exceptional value through
leadership, outstanding performance, and innovation."

My question is, should 私の be omitted?




Since this is a formal statement, it's better to keep 私の. But people can
understand the sentence without it because they know it's _your_ profile.

What's worse about your sentence is that your sentence has a number of bad
word choices and grammatical errors.

  * 生むています is always ungrammatical. The te-form of 生む is 生んで.
  * There is a subject-predicate mismatch. 私の目的は生んでいます is "My mission is (in the process of) producing something" rather than "My mission is to produce something". You have to nominalize 生む.
  * 主導 refers to an act of leading, but it does not refer to an ability to take a lead role.
  * 代表的な執行 sounds like "representative execution" rather than "outstanding performance".
  * 例外的な does not have a positive connotation like that of "exceptional". 例外的な質 sounds like "peculiar quality" rather than "exceptional value".
  * 通じて needs a particle を.
  * ( **EDIT** ) This is a relatively minor problem, but consider using 目標 instead of 目的. The former refers to a long-term mission/goal, whereas the latter is closer to "purpose".

A corrected version is something like:

> 私の目標はリーダーシップ、高いパフォーマンス、イノベーションを通じて卓越した価値を生み出すことです。

Or if you don't like katakana loanwords, an alternative free translation would
be:

> 私の目標は、指導力・実行力・革新力を通じて卓越した価値を生み出すことです。




Since this is a formal statement, it's better to keep 私の. But people can
understand the sentence without it because they know it's _your_ profile.

What's worse about your sentence is that your sentence has a number of bad
word choices and grammatical errors.

  * 生むています is always ungrammatical. The te-form of 生む is 生んで.
  * There is a subject-predicate mismatch. 私の目的は生んでいます is "My mission is (in the process of) producing something" rather than "My mission is to produce something". You have to nominalize 生む.
  * 主導 refers to an act of leading, but it does not refer to an ability to take a lead role.
  * 代表的な執行 sounds like "representative execution" rather than "outstanding performance".
  * 例外的な does not have a positive connotation like that of "exceptional". 例外的な質 sounds like "peculiar quality" rather than "exceptional value".
  * 通じて needs a particle を.
  * ( **EDIT** ) This is a relatively minor problem, but consider using 目標 instead of 目的. The former refers to a long-term mission/goal, whereas the latter is closer to "purpose".

A corrected version is something like:

> 私の目標はリーダーシップ、高いパフォーマンス、イノベーションを通じて卓越した価値を生み出すことです。

Or if you don't like katakana loanwords, an alternative free translation would
be:

> 私の目標は、指導力・実行力・革新力を通じて卓越した価値を生み出すことです。

