Does the Japanese language only have negative terms for flirting?


I am looking for terms in the Japanese language which can describe the act of
flirting in a positive light. This probably requires inventing terms to close
a [lexical gap](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lexical_gap), because as far as I
know, all terms that are related to flirting in Japanese carry a negative
connotation.

"Flirting" has a couple of meanings in English. However, here I am speaking
specifically about flirting in the sense of when a person shows their
attraction to another person. It's a deliberate act, and can range from covert
to overt.

The thing is, where I come from, flirting generally is seen as a playful,
positive thing. It is flattering to the recipient. It is also can be
considered harmless, in that it might be that the person doing it does not
necessarily intend to seduce the other, but that they want to test the limits
of their attractiveness by provoking a small response.

The only time flirting is negative in English is when a larger context makes
it so. If a person flirts with a third person while in a committed
relationship, the action of flirting itself is not what defines it as
negative, it's that the committed relationship comes with an implication of
promises that are being broken.

In Japanese, however, all the terms I know of that approximate the act of
flirting tend toward the negative.

`浮気する【うわきする】` is all about cheating, so this is clearly the dark side of
flirting.

`ナンパする` I would translate as "to hit on," and it is clearly much more
aggressive than "flirting". With `ナンパ` one necessarily has the goal of
seducing the other. The feeling of the word to me is of a meat-market night
club, although I know it can be used in much more mild and neutral
circumstances.

`いちゃつく` might be the most mild, and therefor the closest to the English.
However, it does seem a bit cutesy, like a child's view on flirting ("...
sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g..."). Also seems almost entirely on the overt
end of flirting, in that it is more like a public display of affection, like
kissing and holding, than it would imply any clever or subtle behaviour or
words.

In essence, I want to convey the idea of being at play with showing and
getting signals of attraction without it necessarily taking on an aggressive
sexuality. Flirting can be a sophisticated interaction between adults.

Is there a way to convey flirting in the positive light I am describing?

Is there a way to say "I'm not really hitting on you, I'm just flirting."
Something like:

> 実際はナンパじゃなくって、ただ_ **_** _しているだけだ。




Japanese has negative, positive, and neutral terms for flirting. There's
'husband/wife hunting' `婚活`, 'stalking/creep hitting' `ナンパ`, 'puppy love
flirting' `初恋の人の話しをする`, and everything in between. What would probably fit
best for you is: `デートに誘いたいんじゃなくて、友達として本当に可愛かったから言っただけだよ。`. This means, in a
kind of sweet/genuine tone (thus the ん): "I'm not trying to force a hook up or
anything. I say things like 'you're cute,' just as a friend, as free
conversation." It's probably something that probably wouldn't come off as
offensive.

Just let me know if you have any questions. The natural way to say it is 'just
talking' or, 'I was just saying'. It's a natural way to say what you want to
say, but without knowing the situation, I think it's hard to be sure.

You can definitely say `ただ話したかっただけ`. That means: "It was just idle chat," as
in, "Don't read so much into it."

There isn't a lot of snarkiness in Japan. So, it's difficult to come off like:
`夜を楽しく` or `ピロートーク` without overstepping your bounds. You can say those things
if you want and try to be sarcastic, but I'm pretty sure it's going to sound
strong. Sarcasm isn't common in Japan.

The strongest thing you can say is likely `仲良くなりたい`->"I just want to get
along". That's what I would consider the 'upper limit' of "just friends".

**-Update-**

`ツンデレ` might mean 'flirting' as a near equivalence of the "innocent" English
word, "Flirt". Pretend you have a friend who met a guy she really liked. She
then told you about it, but she said, "I was dorky and grumpy," or, "I was
obvious," or, "I didn't let on enough/right," or, "I came on too strong...."
You would say, `何でそなにツンデレをしました!?` Hehe....




Since no-one else has answered, let me try to chip away at the edges a bit.
Disclaimer: I am not a native speaker, not young, not single, and not even an
ex-player, so my intuitions might be quite far from those of hip young
Tokyoites.

There is the phrase 良い雰囲気になる. It literally translates to something like
"arrive at/be in a state such that there is a good feeling in the air", but
there is usually an implied romantic nuance. It doesn't correspond exactly to
"flirt", but there is overlap. Two people successfully flirting will usually
良い雰囲気になる as a result. If you saw your friend getting along very well with a
new acquaintance you might comment later on how 良い the 雰囲気 they なった was. If
you saw your husband flirting (again, successfully) with another woman, you
might angrily whisper 何いい雰囲気になってんのよ when she goes to get another drink.
_[Edit: Seems that last part isn't true; see comments.]_

However, my non-native intuition is that it would be weird to say "No, baby,
this isn't nanpa, いい雰囲気になろうとしてるだけだよ". It would sound creepy and conceited,
like you were trying to manipulate something that should arise naturally, and
totally confident that you could do it.

I don't know any words that could fill in that gap. My sense is that a more
general word would be used like (楽しく)お話する, 遊ぶ, ふざける, depending on how you
wanted to frame things. (Afterthought edit:) But, as sawa suggests, I think
that at the point you are putting it into words, for cultural reasons it would
be difficult to frame things positively.

