Meaning of 人間ではない自分の心に、気づいた


In the below passage I am not sure on the meaning of the last line. The
context of the scene is in hospital and the narrator has been told by あずきさん
she only has several days to live and they are hiding this from her daughter.
The narrator あずきさん's adopted son.

> 胸にあたたかい水が染みこんできた。
>
> 彼女は泣いていた。
>
> 不安からか、安心からだろうか
>
> だけど、僕とあずきさんは、嘘をついていた。
>
> この優しい子を、愛しい子を、悲しませないために。
>
> でも、このままでは、もっと深く彼女を傷つけてしまう。
>
> ああ、僕は涙を流していない。
>
> あの病室で、どれだけ心が乱れても、泣かなかった。
>
> あずきさんが死んだら泣くのか？
>
> わからない。
>
> 実の両親の死に際に、僕は泣いたのだろうか？
>
> 覚えていない。
>
> **そんなところだけ、人間ではない自分の心に、気づいた。**

Breaking it down, my understanding is that 自分の心に気づいた means he realized his own
'heart' or feelings. However, the part of the sentence that comes before this
is そんなところだけ、人間ではない自分. そんなところだけ、人間ではない I think means that's the only part/thing
that 'is not human'(I think this is in the figurative sense). However, this
gives me something like, I realised that was the only part of me that was not
human. Is this correct?




Yes, "そんなところだけ、人間ではない" is a relative clause that modifies 自分の心. The speaker
believed he was basically a humane person, but suddenly realized he had small
inhumanity in his heart. そんなところだけ literally means "only in this regard", but I
think you can choose to translate this along the lines of "(at least) in this
regard" or "as far as this is concerned", because he is not trying to strongly
claim "the other parts of my heart is humane!" here.

  * 自分の心  
my heart

  * 人間ではない自分の心  
my inhuman heart

  * そんなところだけ人間ではない自分の心  
my inhuman heart only in this regard / the only inhuman part of my heart

  * そんなところだけ人間ではない自分の心に気づいた。  
I noticed my heart which is not human only in this regard.  
→ I realized I had this small inhuman part in my heart.




Yes, "そんなところだけ、人間ではない" is a relative clause that modifies 自分の心. The speaker
believed he was basically a humane person, but suddenly realized he had small
inhumanity in his heart. そんなところだけ literally means "only in this regard", but I
think you can choose to translate this along the lines of "(at least) in this
regard" or "as far as this is concerned", because he is not trying to strongly
claim "the other parts of my heart is humane!" here.

  * 自分の心  
my heart

  * 人間ではない自分の心  
my inhuman heart

  * そんなところだけ人間ではない自分の心  
my inhuman heart only in this regard / the only inhuman part of my heart

  * そんなところだけ人間ではない自分の心に気づいた。  
I noticed my heart which is not human only in this regard.  
→ I realized I had this small inhuman part in my heart.

