How to translate 'She got him bitten by a vampire on the neck (so that he becomes one)'?


How to translate 'She got him bitten by a vampire on the neck (as in: she
succeeded)'?

Can I translate it as:

> 彼女は彼が首に吸血鬼に噛まれたようにした。

My doubts are:

  1. Where should I put 首 in the sentence?
  2. するように means 'attempt to do something' instead of 'manage to do something/succeed in doing something'?




Your attempt has two grammatical errors:

  * "To bite on the neck" is 首 **を** 噛む.
  * There's no need to use the ta-form for 噛まれる (because of the "relative tense" rule).

After fixing these, we have:

> 彼女は彼が首 **を** 吸血鬼に噛まれ **る** ようにした。

This is okay, but for better readability, you may want to change the word
order:

> 彼女は彼が **吸血鬼に** 首を噛まれるようにした。

Note that this sentence means she had no direct control over 彼 and 吸血鬼. She
only "set up the situation" (by shutting a door, etc). And it does not state
whether or not the vampire actually bit him. In other words, she only
attempted. If you need to clearly express that the vampire actually bit him,
you'll have to rephrase the sentence, for example:

> 彼女は彼を操り、吸血鬼に彼の首を噛ませた。  
>  彼女が○○したことで、吸血鬼は彼の首を噛んだ。

