Could someone please check my translation of these lyrics?


Recently I've been studying Japanese and although I still have a lot to learn;
I decided to try and translate some lyrics, to help myself improve and learn
more than what's taught in books. If anyone could check my translation of the
song, it'd be much appreciated!  
  

Here are the lyrics:

> どこか遠くへ行きたい 電波もないどこかへ  
>  ごらん満天の夜光 僕が指差す場所  
>  Going towards somewhere far away Somewhere where there aren’t even radio
> waves  
>  Watching the who sky’s night lights, I point at the location  
>  
>
>
> 線香花火は時間{とき}の儚さ教えてくれる  
>  揺れる夏草の合唱 とても心地いいな  
>  The sparkler tells us the transience of time coming to an end  
>  The swaying summer grass’ chorus feels very good  
>
>
> さぁ帰ろう君の待つ街まで  
>  伝えたい事があるよ ほんの一言さ  
>  Now, Returning to your street, I wait  
>  Just a word of the things I want to tell you  
>  
>
>
> Sha la la 蛍の光よ夜空に舞え  
>  たとえ僅かな明かりでも君を照らし続けよう  
>  Shalala The firefly’s light dances in the night sky  
>  Even if there's only a slight illumination, your light continues  
>  
>
>
> 「永遠という一瞬」手のひらで転がせば  
>  まるで宵の月みたく切なくて脆いな  
>  “This moment of eternity” Your palm rolls into a circle  
>  I want to see the moon as if the tender hearted is painful  
>  
>
>
> Sha la la 蛍の光よ届けてくれ  
>  遠く離れた場所だって君を想い続けよう  
>  Shalala Please deliver the fireflies’ light to me  
>  Because although we're separated, the thought of you continues even if
> you’re far away  
>  
>
>
> ねぇ、過去は忘れてしまうものかな  
>  愛された事さえも 愛した事でさえも  
>  Hey, I wonder if the past is completely forgotten  
>  Even the things I loved, even the things I love  
>  
>
>
> Sha la la 蛍の光よ夜空に舞え  
>  たとえ僅かな明かりでも君を照らし続けよう  
>  Shalala The firefly’s light dances in the night sky  
>  Even if there's only a slight illumination, your light continues  
>  
>
>
> Sha la la 逢いたくても逢えぬ夏の恋  
>  また巡り逢うその折はあの頃の気持ちのままで  
>  Shalala, I can't meet you but I want to meet you even if it's a summer love  
>  Even if we happen to meet by chance again, the feelings from those days
> remain.  
>  
>
>
> 季節と共に去りぬ  
>  Gone with the season.

Please excuse any extreme mistakes I've made. As mentioned above, any help at
all (even a little) is greatly appreciated!




As I'm neither an artist nor a native English speaker, please take them as
purely grammatical advice rather than the recommended translation.

> どこか遠くへ行きたい 電波もないどこかへ  
>  _I want to go_ towards somewhere far away Somewhere where even _no_ radio
> waves _reach_

I wasn't sure "there aren’t even radio waves" has the same connotation, but 電波
in Japanese is often used for "signal" or "reception" of wireless
communications.

> ごらん満天の夜光 僕が指差す場所  
>  _See_ the whole sky’s night lights, _(look at) the place I'm pointing at_

ごらん is a soft word to say "behold" or "see", but you might only hear it in
fictional works nowadays. `dictionary form` + `noun` makes a relative clause,
though there are many translated lyrics on the internet that fail at this
point.

> さぁ帰ろう君の待つ街まで  
>  Now, _I'll return to the town where you wait_

The sentence is inverted for a rhetorical reason. The ordinary word order is
さぁ君の待つ街まで帰ろう. The kanji 街 _is_ for "street", except when it's used on its own.
In this case it reads まち and means "town" (I'd imagine a certain area in a
large city). の in 君の待つ is equal to が, [you can use them interchangeably in
relative clauses](https://japanese.stackexchange.com/q/12825/7810).

> Sha la la 蛍の光よ夜空に舞え  
>  Shalala _Dance, fireflies' lights,_ in the night sky

よ is the vocative particle, "O fireflies' lights". 舞え is the imperative
(command form) of 舞う.

> たとえ僅かな明かりでも君を照らし続けよう  
>  Even if _that's_ only a slight illumination, _I'll keep on shining on you_

君 is the object of verb 照らす. `masu-form stem` + 続ける means "continue to V".
It's one of 複合動詞 (compound verbs).

> 「永遠という一瞬」手のひらで転がせば  
>  “This moment of eternity” _When I roll it on my palm_

で is a particle for location: "at/on/in...". 転がせば is the hypothetical form
(not subjunctive) "if one rolls" of 転がす ("roll (tr.)"). ~~Meanwhile, the
subject of the sentence is unknown, so here I used generic _you_.~~ I'd like
to assume the subject is _I_ , because な at the end of the next line makes it
interpretable as a direct experience.

> まるで宵の月みたく切なくて脆いな  
>  _It feels as fragile and_ painful _as the evening moon_

I had no idea how your translation was going on at this part. [みたく is a
substandard equivalent for
みたいに](https://japanese.stackexchange.com/q/24089/7810). 切ない is a sorrow-like
emotion typically felt when you're missing or longing for something.

> Sha la la 蛍の光よ届けてくれ  
>  遠く離れた場所だって君を想い続けよう  
>  Shalala Deliver _it, fireflies’ lights_  
>  _I'll continue to think about you_ even if you’re far away

Same as above.

> ねぇ、過去は忘れてしまうものかな  
>  Hey, I wonder if the past is _something easy to forget (tends to be
> forgotten)_

しまう emphasizes "unexpectedness" rather than "completeness".

> 愛された事さえも 愛した事でさえも  
>  Even _the fact that I was loved_ , even _the fact that I loved (you)_

Here is the tricky part of Japanese relative clause. [Japanese allows
appositive relation](https://japanese.stackexchange.com/q/14541/7810), where 事
actually refers to the very event of "愛された".

> Sha la la 逢いたくても逢えぬ夏の恋  
>  Shalala, _a summer love:_ I can't meet you but I want to meet you

Another gapless relative clause.

> また巡り逢うその折はあの頃の気持ちのままで  
>  _Were we to_ happen to meet by chance again, _let us remain with_ the
> feelings from those days

いよう "let's be", "shall be" (< いる "(of animate thing) be") is omitted here.

(Of course, feel free to point out my English errors and incomprehensible
parts in my answer...)

* * *

**_Acknowledgements:_** Thanks to @choco for correction and advice!

