Can this incredibly complex sentence be simplified?


In 吉本隆明という共同幻想, which is a hilarious book that everyone should read, Kure
Tomofusa critiques Yoshimoto Takaaki's byzantine writing style. One
particularly confounding example is given as follows:

> > 個々ばらばらに見えていた問題が、大体統一的に見えるようになったというようなことがあると思うんです。
>
> 「見えるようになったというようなことがあると思うんです」は「見えるようになった」でよい。

I have some little tricks for deciphering these phrases by themselves, but
this sentence throws me for a loop.

  1. Is Kure Tomofusa right to say that this sentence can be drastically simplified?
  2. Is a literally accurate translation of the original sentence possible?




I'm horrible at translation, but since no one has answered so far, let me give
a stab a more-or-less literal translation.

> I think that things such as problems which were apparently separate and
> disjointed becoming more-or-less apparently unified happen.

The というようなことがある, which I think of as "things such as ... happen," seems to be
part that translates awkwardly because the long preceding clause in Japanese
gets put in the middle of the English phrase (though probably there's a more
elegant way to do this). If you allow yourself to be a little less literal,
it's not so bad:

> (I believe) it happens that problems which had appeared separate and
> disjointed may come to appear more-or-less unified.

Contracting as Kure Tomofusa suggests would leave you with a sentence like

> Problems which had appeared separate and disjointed came to appear more-or-
> less unified.

I don't know what kind of answer you want for 1). Sure you can simplify things
if you're willing to give up on nuances or meanings. The former version is
much less assertive than the latter. Without context, the second version is
saying simply "this happens," but the former version is more along the lines
of "(things like) this can happen." But if you mean whether Kure Tomofusa is
right that one should be more direct and assertive with words, that seems
highly subjective.




I'm horrible at translation, but since no one has answered so far, let me give
a stab a more-or-less literal translation.

> I think that things such as problems which were apparently separate and
> disjointed becoming more-or-less apparently unified happen.

The というようなことがある, which I think of as "things such as ... happen," seems to be
part that translates awkwardly because the long preceding clause in Japanese
gets put in the middle of the English phrase (though probably there's a more
elegant way to do this). If you allow yourself to be a little less literal,
it's not so bad:

> (I believe) it happens that problems which had appeared separate and
> disjointed may come to appear more-or-less unified.

Contracting as Kure Tomofusa suggests would leave you with a sentence like

> Problems which had appeared separate and disjointed came to appear more-or-
> less unified.

I don't know what kind of answer you want for 1). Sure you can simplify things
if you're willing to give up on nuances or meanings. The former version is
much less assertive than the latter. Without context, the second version is
saying simply "this happens," but the former version is more along the lines
of "(things like) this can happen." But if you mean whether Kure Tomofusa is
right that one should be more direct and assertive with words, that seems
highly subjective.

