Is this phrase a grammatically correct translation?


I'm trying to translate the following English into Japanese:

_"The only thing more troubling than the silence were the whispers that
followed."_

What I've come up with is:

> 沈黙{ちんもく｝より悩｛なや｝ましいのは継｛つ｝ぐささやきだけだった。

But it feels clunky. Would something like:

> 沈黙{ちんもく｝より悩｛なや｝ましいのは継｛つ｝ぐささやきしかなかった。

Be better, or should I change the grammatical structure of the sentence to
something else entirely?




> "The only thing more troubling than the silence were the whispers that
> followed."
>
> ​沈黙 {ちんもく} ​より​悩 {なや} ​ましいのは​継 {つ} ​ぐささやきだけだった。
>
> ​沈黙 より​悩 ​ましいのは​継 ​ぐささやきしかなかった。

**Your grammar is good, period**. It is the couple of word choices that would
need to be improved -- 「悩ましい」 and 「継ぐ」, especially the latter. (I will be
discussing yet another word choice later.)

「継ぐささやき」 simply would **not** be understood by Japanese-speakers unless they
read your English original as well. The verb to be used instead would be
「続{つづ}く」 and it should be used in the form 「それに続く」 with 「それ」 referring to
「沈黙」.

Next, 「悩ましい」.

While I will not call it the wrong word per se, a more natural word choice
might be 「煩{わずら}わしい」 at least for us native speakers.

The third word choice that I feel like mentioning is 「ささやき」. While I could not
call it incorrect or anything, I would wonder why you would want to use a nice
and generally positive word here when it is the thing that is bothering you. I
would personally use 「ひそひそ話」, but it would depend on the larger
context/situation in which this sentence appears.

Put it all together and one would have:

> 「沈黙より煩わしいのは、それに続くひそひそ話だけだった。」




> "The only thing more troubling than the silence were the whispers that
> followed."
>
> ​沈黙 {ちんもく} ​より​悩 {なや} ​ましいのは​継 {つ} ​ぐささやきだけだった。
>
> ​沈黙 より​悩 ​ましいのは​継 ​ぐささやきしかなかった。

**Your grammar is good, period**. It is the couple of word choices that would
need to be improved -- 「悩ましい」 and 「継ぐ」, especially the latter. (I will be
discussing yet another word choice later.)

「継ぐささやき」 simply would **not** be understood by Japanese-speakers unless they
read your English original as well. The verb to be used instead would be
「続{つづ}く」 and it should be used in the form 「それに続く」 with 「それ」 referring to
「沈黙」.

Next, 「悩ましい」.

While I will not call it the wrong word per se, a more natural word choice
might be 「煩{わずら}わしい」 at least for us native speakers.

The third word choice that I feel like mentioning is 「ささやき」. While I could not
call it incorrect or anything, I would wonder why you would want to use a nice
and generally positive word here when it is the thing that is bothering you. I
would personally use 「ひそひそ話」, but it would depend on the larger
context/situation in which this sentence appears.

Put it all together and one would have:

> 「沈黙より煩わしいのは、それに続くひそひそ話だけだった。」

