 trigger thing that's good to be aware of that kind of thing um you know some things are pretty obvious you know but i think um you know noticing a change in in the way somebody's react you know responding back and forth with you is certainly and maybe there's something in the relationship you know we're so afraid of the answers we're going to get we we're afraid of asking the questions sometimes but you know what's the worst you know we find out we can do something about it and