 uh tenderness or lack thereof regarding our wives and i think that illustration i mentioned a moment ago is really indicative of the problem right when your wife calls you at work and you're going yeah what do you want what do you want what do you need and she's going hey i'm not your business colleague stop talking to me like that yeah so what is she expressing when she responds like that so that's what i call the husband paradox right so right straight back to the the garden