 with your wife or you can and so the conviction i came to is that yeah my wife is tough but she shouldn't have to be tough on account of me she shouldn't have to be i shouldn't be the reason that she is calloused right in some way i should be the safe place for her and i think so many times as husbands we wield our words uh without that occurring to us that we just we're so familiar and uh we we are overly overly tough and over overly combative at times with our wives so