 and demoralizing. And to me, the most demoralizing feature of addiction was my incapacity to keep contracts with myself. I would tell myself at nine o'clock in the morning, I'm never going to do that again. And at four o'clock, I'd be doing it. And it was baffling to me that I could not bind that person who I was going to be later on in the day to do anything. And I...