 and this is what it is to be ultimately to be a man now that's not exclusive i mean women are given their own graces their own special gifts but in the context of this book boys adrift what it is to be a man is to place one's strength at the service of others a good man a true man is a place not to waste one's strength and not to use it to dominate others or use it on one spend it on oneself but to place one's strength at the service of others again this is both male and female