which we need to be and once we get into the rhythm I'm sure it'll all be a lot easier but you seem to have a calmness about your  how you speak which is good and you know I'm sure I'll go to pieces but erm  yeah it was just, and what I've picked up on  as you say where it's er  how did you come to Friends Provident bum de bum de bum, we're going through erm a structured erm spiel if you like and then they're saying well I don't really wanna give you  any  you know, recommendations at this moment and erm what we should do there is, is I suppose apack that isn't it?