so I said but I'm not disappointed but she said just listen to what I've got to say, she said, erm, because anybody else that's failed we've just said I'm sorry we can't have you, but she said with you, we all feel that you've got so much to offer she said I'm gonna offer you a relief post which means that you can go into other people's ho er other homes, all around, all different hospitals if somebody's short, they can call on you and I said could it be a full time job, will it give me enough money to say that I'm working?