Fix failing cluster tests (#9707)

Fix failures introduced by #9695 which was an attempt to solve failures introduced by #9679.
And alternative to #9703 (i didn't like the extra argument to kill_instance).

Reverting #9695.
Instead of stopping AOF on all terminations, stop it only on the two which need it.
Do it as part of the test rather than the infra (it was add that kill_instance used `R`
to communicate to the instance)

Note that the original purpose of these tests was to trigger a crash, but that upsets
valgrind so in redis 6.2 i changed it to use SIGTERM, so i now rename the tests
(remove "kill" and "crash").

Also add some colors to failures, and the word "FAILED" so that it's searchable.

And solve a semi-related race condition in 14-consistency-check.tcl