Just wondering if there was someone out there that could offer help in optimizing my script which derpifies images.<?php/** * If you don't understand what this does * you have no hope as a programmer. * */function usage ( ){  // Ahhh the marvels of echo, such a wonderful tool  // yet so advanced that a beginner will tremble at the  // word. Woe's me is spoken to the RAM with such care.  echo \n;  echo ----------------------------\n;  echo > Derp.PHP is a CLI based   \n;  echo > image derpification tool. \n;  echo > Use only with:              \n;  echo >   jpeg, gif, or png files \n;  echo >                             \n;  echo > Usage:                    \n;  echo >   derp.php path/to/file   \n;  echo ----------------------------\n;  echo \n;}/** * In this function we make sure the end user isn't * a total moran by checking weather we have access * to certain hacker libraries. * **/function make_checks ( ){  # A beautiful built_in function that is necessary to  # this programs inherited existence, such a lovely sight.  if ( !function_exists('imagecopy') )  {    // Here we throw an error if we encounter a stupid user.    // >2012    // >Not having GD installed.    //    // ISHYGDDT.    echo \n;    echo >>> ERROR <<<\n;    echo >>> INSTALL THE GD LIBRARY\n;    echo \n;    /*      This is a boolean return. False essentially means      0; TMYK.    */    return false;  }  else    return true; # Note the lack of curly brackets around this                 # line of code. Amazing technology these days.}/** * Stand back kiddies, this is how a real * programmer does things. * **/function main ( $argv ){  // Enterprise usage of the count() function  // is demonstrated here, take note of the  // combined < and = symbol here, only a master  // programmer could have achieved such an  // operater without R(ing)TFM.  if ( count($argv) <= 1 )  {    // An excellent call to an undoubtedly elegant    // and not to mention genius display function.    usage();    exit; # Notice the multiple comment types in this file.        # The mark of a true programming genius.  }  // Simple and elegant usage of the master make_checks()   // library checking function, what would be referred to   // by a Java programmer as a Factory(lmfao Java).  if ( !make_checks() )    exit; # Sweet succulent success. NOT(lmfao!1)!  // The file to be derpafied.  $file = $argv[1];  # Only the technologically independent and savvy programmer  # will be able to truly understand the genius of the below  # statement; one that even William Shakespear could not have  # written better.  $type = ( substr($file, -4, 1) !== '.' ) // Can you see?      ? substr($file, -4) // Can you see my genius.      : substr($file, -3) // It's shining...      ; // oh so bright. What a marvelous function, I        // couldn't have done it better myself. Oh, wait.  echo $type, \n;}main( $argv );
Derpifying Images
php;performance