title: Chuckleheads: "The No-Eyed Deer" and other stories
author:  Michael J McNamara Sr. 
description: Originally published as part of a top-rated weekly series of essays and sketches, I have collected the best of the satirical topics and assembled them here into one volume. Blundering Coworkers has always been a fan favorite, but my personal preference is for the two-part No-Eyed Deer, which is simultaneously hilarious and embarrassing.
zlib_text: 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Poor Things
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Daniel Barnett
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  To Kevin, who likes to go
  
  
  fast.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  ## I. Freaks
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  # Road Trip
  
  
  
  
  
  “Poor _poor_ thing,” said my mom.
  
  
  
  
  
  The deer lay across the double-yellow, its stomach
  
  
  blown out like a bad tire and steaming in the cool country air. That steam
  
  
  should have told me right then that what we were staring at was fresh, hot off
  
  
  the platter, but the thought didn’t cross my mind. Not until the deer lifted
  
  
  its head, and Jesus Christ, it wasn’t dead, it was dying, the deer was ripped
  
  
  in half and it was still _dying_.
  
  
  
  
  
  My dad squeezed the steering wheel.
  
  
  
  
  
  My mom sat back in her seat.
  
  
  
  
  
  For the first time in hours, for the first time since
  
  
  Reno, my brother looked up from his book reader. He had cranked the brightness
  
  
  on the stupid thing, and the backlight lit up every inch of his nerd face,
  mapped
  
  
  it all out, the pimples and the glasses and the soft