title: The Bride of Anguished English: A Bonanza of Bloopers, Blunders, Botches, and Boo-Boos
author:  Richard Lederer 
description: Pun lovers and grammarians rarely tire of the humor found in everyday use and misuse of the English language, and Richard Lederer is happy to provide us with a regular supply of such witticisms. An addition to his "Anguished English" series, <i>The Bride of Anguished English</i> is filled with hilarious language-related goofs. Each chapter focuses on a particular group of mishaps, including classic malapropisms, headlines, menus, kids' homework, poor interpretations of lyrics, and politicians' doublespeak.
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  _Beginning_
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  _England, 1804_
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  "Move your bleedin' arse," Miss
  
  
  Charlotte Spenser's maid, Meggie, said to her.
  
  
  
  
  
  "Isn't that a
  
  
  little too graphic?" Miss Spenser inquired. "I have
  
  
  visions..."
  
  
  
  
  
  "Don't think about it. Just say it."
  
  
  
  
  
  "Move your
  
  
  bleeding arse," Charlotte said in the polite tones of a well-bred female.
  
  
  
  
  
  "Bleedin'."
  
  
  
  
  
  "Bleedin',"
  
  
  she repeated dutifully. "So let me get this straight. Bloody hell, move your
  bleedin'
  
  
  arse, that's a pile of shit, or shite if I happen to be in Ireland, and," she
  swallowed, "fuck you. Do
  
  
  I really say that?"
  
  
  
  
  
  "If you want to. You 'ave to be
  
  
  really mad to say it, and you might get
  
  
  backhanded by your man if you do, but sometimes it's worth it."
  
  
  
  
  
  "Backhanded?"
  
  
  
  
  
  "Slapped.
  
  
  With the back of the hand, which hurts more, 'cause of knuckles and rings and
  such
  
  
  like."
  
  
  
  
  
  Charlotte looked at
  
  
  her maid curiously. "Did your husband ever do tha