title: Sitting on a File Cabinet, Naked, With a Gun: True Stories of Silicon Valley CEO Assistants
author: Linda McFarland
description: Linda McFarland has spent over 30 years mastering her "never-panic-under-fire" demeanor. She has held CEO Assistant positions with a variety of Fortune listed companies, spanning the high-technology, legal, and medical industries. With a passion for developing and training, Linda is a co-founder and member of the Silicon Valley Catalysts Association (SVCA) which is a group of CEO Assistants. She serves on the advisory board of the Administrative and Executive Assistant Certificate Program for UCSC Extension in Silicon Valley, and is a master instructor for that program. Linda has delivered training programs to multi-national companies and has been an invited speaker at administrative and event planner conferences. She is a Sr. Partner at PlanetAdmin which provides consulting and training for administrative professionals. Linda currently holds the title of CEO Assistant at 2Wire. Joanne Linden has a background that spans more than 30 years as an Executive Assistant. With the majority of her career in Silicon Valley, she has worked with and has been part of both successful start-ups and billion-dollar corporations. A true activist for professional administrators, she instructs at UCSC Extension in Silicon Valley's Administrative and Executive Assistant Certificate Program and is on the advisory board for that program. Joanne is a current member of Silicon Valley Catalysts Association (SVCA) and past President of the International Association of Administrative Professionals (IAAP), San Jose and Crossroads Chapters. She is a Sr. Partner at PlanetAdmin which provides consulting and training for administrative professionals. Joanne currently holds the title of Chief Executive Assistant at Synopsys. Sharon Turnoy has been an editor, speechwriter, ghostwriter, communications manager, and executive assistant to a Silicon Valley CEO. She welcomes comments at sturnoy@yahoo.com
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  Dedication
  
  
  To my loving family who accepted my erratic writing hours and a few cold
  meals.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter One
  
  
  Today seemed like the perfect day to burn bridges. Technocon, a small
  technologies company, had promised Susan free rein on all her projects. She
  ran her lab, hired her own staff, and ordered what she needed within budgetary
  reason.
  
  
  Technocon was a liar, and she’d swallowed their scientific support story like
  it was candy, but really what they had served her was chocolate-dipped
  bullshit.
  
  
  Who said a genius couldn’t be an idiot?
  
  
  Out of public sight, she melted into her office chair and leaned her head
  against her hands. The universities had laughed at her proposals and her math
  on dimensional travel. She hadn’t been able to find a grant anywhere to allow
  her to build her machine, which led her to the private sector—to Technocon.
  
  
  For five whole minutes, she’d been able to open and sustain a dimensional
  gateway to…God knows where. She had sent a chim