title: First Person, Last Straw: essays and other humorous emissions
author: Tom Waters
description: Tom Waters is the author of three other humor collections (Born Pissed, Zany Hijinx and If They Can't Take A Joke). His articles have appeared in Too Much Coffee Man magazine, Film Fax, The Buffalo News, ArtVoice, Night Life and Acid Logic. He's been published in at least three countries that he knows of and lives in Buffalo, NY. He''s currently eating a piece of cheese and working feverishly to complete his next book, If They Can''t Take a Joke. He''s also performed his articles as stand up comedy on stage, on the radio and on street corners in front of quizzical passers by. Most people have never heard from him or, if they have, would rather not associate with him.
zlib_text: # _I._  
  MARY’S WEDDING
  
  
  Tom and I were standing on the church steps, smoking cigarettes and enjoying
  the ozone smell of a late October storm coming. I was freezing, but was
  manfully pretending otherwise. We leaned over the wrought-iron railing,
  blowing smoke into the wind and tossing sentences back and forth.
  
  
  “Bick cleaned up pretty good,” Tom said.
  
  
  “That’s the consensus.”
  
  
  It was the kind of day that let loose a little patter of rain every time you
  ventured out to do something, and then produced a thin, watery ray of sunshine
  the moment you retreated under cover. We were each wearing black suits, white
  shirts, shined shoes. We were each smoking cigarettes from the same communal
  pack. We were each about the same height and weight. Standing elbow to elbow,
  leaning over the railing in the same postures, we were each slightly aware of
  being twins.
  
  
  Suddenly, Mike skidded out onto the steps, his breath puffing into steam. His
  tuxedo was askew.
  
  
  “You see Bick out here?”
  
  
  “They’ve 