title: Thou Spleeny Swag-Bellied Miscreant: Create Your Own Shakespearean Insults
author:  Sarah Royal 
description: Sarah Royal has spent the past few years in New Jersey, New York City, and Chicago, and has absorbed a great deal of creative profanity from all three filthy environments. She's a writer who has published articles, stories, essays, and zines. She lives in Portland, Oregon.<br /><br /> Jillian Hofer has worked behind the scenes in enough restaurants to have heard a smorgasboard of indignities guaranteed to keep her talking like a sailor for a lifetime. She lives with her husband and son in Rye Brook, New York.
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  # Honor Student
  
  
    
  
  
    
  
  
    
  
  
    
  
  
    
  
  
    
  
  
    
  
  
    
  
  
    
  
  
    
  
  
  If it be a sin to covet honor, I am the most
  
  
  offending soul.
  
  
  ~William Shakespeare
  
  
  Chapter One
  
  
  My twenty-first birthday had started like any
  
  
  other day. I awoke alone. The house was deserted. No doubt, my Aunt
  
  
  who I lived with had passed out at the bar or gone home with some
  
  
  random stranger. I ran a brush through my long, dark hair until it
  
  
  lay smooth and perfectly straight down my back. I washed my face
  
  
  and picked out something to wear for the day. I decided on a white
  
  
  fitted t-shirt and blue jean shorts. It would be warm again, as was
  
  
  usual in Florida, so I slipped on a pair of brown sandals.
  
  
  The high school bus pulled up out front and I
  
  
  sat in the garage waiting for it to leave and make its way down the
  
  
  road. I hated being stuck behind it with all of the other kids
  
  
  pointing and laughing at me out of the back window. Once 