title: The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work
author:  Eli J Finkel 
description: "The beauty of this [Finkel's] new model is that the potential psychological benefits increase as you climb the hierarchy of needs."<br /><i><b><b></b>Chicago Tribune<br /><br /></b></i>"In his new book,<i>The All-or-Nothing Marriage</i>, Finkel argues that 21st century spouses seek partners who bring out their best, most authentic selves.<br /><i><b><b></b>TIME<br /><br /></b></i>"An important book...full of interesting insights on contemporary marriage."<br /><b>David Brooks,<i>The New York Times</i></b><br /><br />Truly an excellent book.<br /><b>--<i>Scientific American</i></b><br /><br />The good news is that, unlike the fate of competitors in a winner-take-all financial transaction, one persons spectacular marriage doesnt doom anyone elses to failure. Mr. Finkels book shares research on what happens in the best marriages, with the aim to help everyone else likewise score and all rather than a nothing partnership... Finkel offers tough love advice<br /><b>--<i>The Wall Street Journal</i></b><br /><br />Mr. Finkel [is] one of the leading lights in the realm of relationship psychology.<br /><i><b>--The Economist</b></i><br /><br />An impressive work that not only charts the history of marriage from hunter-gatherers onwards and explores all the ways marriage has evolved over the years but also boils the wealth of data to simple, attainable advice.<br /><i><b>--The Huffington Post</b></i><br /><br />After years of debate and inquiry, the key to a great marriage remained shrouded in mystery. Until now. In his <i>All-or-Nothing Marriage</i>, Eli Finkel reveals the fascinating ways in which marriage has evolved and the things we can all do to help this all-important relationship flourish. You will definitely want to read this book.<br /><b>Carol Dweck, Stanford professor and author of <i>Mindset: The New Psychology of Success</i></b><br /><br />If youve ever wondered what science has to say about how marriage has changed over time and what makes for a great one, this is the book to read. Eli Finkel is one of the worlds leading experts on relationships, and his insights are both comprehensive and revealing.<br /><b>Adam Grant, author of <i>Give and Take, Originals,</i> and <i>Option B </i>(coauthored with Sheryl Sandberg) </b><br /> <br />Eli Finkel has written an incredible analysis of the state of marriage, and a useful guide for everyone trying to make their relationship work better. He also promised us cheeseburgers if we wrote this blurb. Please get those to us ASAP, Eli.<br /><b>Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg, co-authors of <i>Modern Romance</i></b><br /><br /> This book makes a lot of sense, and it is written by an eminent scholar. It should be an essential part of every therapist's bookshelf.<br /><b>John M. Gottman, author of <i>The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work</i></b><br /> <br />Fascinating! Eli Finkel offers us an educated, enlightening perspective on our most important adult relationship; better still, his perspective on marriage is one of hope and inspiration.<br /><b>Dr. Sue Johnson, author of <i>Hold Me Tight</i> and <i>Love Sense</i></b><br /> <br /> An engaging, perceptive exploration of a modern paradox. We need marriage less than ever for practical survival and social success, but we demand more satisfaction and meaning from it than ever. The higherwe climb in our emotional expectations, Finkel argues, the more oxygen we need to pump into our relationships.<br /><b>Stephanie Coontz, author of<i>Marriage a History: How Love Conquered Marriage</i></b><br /> <br /> Marriages are like rapids-filled rivers, sweeping us along toward desired destinations, both emotional and practical, while imperiling the journey with unseen rocks of ruin. With an account that is impressive in scholarship and erudition, Eli Finkel has provided a much needed chart for understanding and navigating the waters.<br /><b>Robert B. Cialdini, author of <i>Influence</i> and <i>Pre-Suasion</i></b><br /> <br /> Eli Finkels <i>All-or-Nothing Marriage</i> is an excellent, accessible guide to todays high-investment, high-reward marriages.<br /><b>Andrew Cherlin, Prof. of Sociology, Director, Program on Social Policy, Johns Hopkins University</b><br /><br />No one knows more about the science of relationships than Eli Finkel. This book is bound to spark a conversation. A must-read for anyone interested in building or maintaining a strong marriage.<br /><b>Jonah Berger, Wharton professor and author of <i>Contagious</i> and <i>Invisible Influence<br /></i></b><br />What a wonderful book by Eli Finkel. Hes a natural writerwith an original and scientific view of marriage today and tomorrow. In short, marriage is evolving from a pragmatic survival strategy, to a romantic companionship, to a personal-growth adventure. And our best marriages today are better than anything of the past. Its optimistic, sensible and engaging. And Finkel adds fascinating historical and cross-cultural facts and some highly useful tips on how to travel the bumpy road to happy coupledom. Youll like it...and use it.<br /><b>Dr. Helen Fisher, author of <i>Anatomy of Love</i> and<i>Why We Love</i></b><br /><br />In his deeply insightful and beautifully written book on the paradox of modern marriage, Eli Finkel shines the bright light of science on the most important, rewarding, and vexing of all human relationships.<br /><b>Daniel Gilbert, Harvard University Edgar Pierce professor of psychology, author of <i>Stumbling on Happiness</i></b><br /><br />What do we actually know about good (and bad) marriages? That simple question is surprisingly difficult to answer, but Eli J. Finkel's <i>The All-or-Nothing Marriage</i> is the best place I know to start.<br /><b>Tyler Cowen, economics professor at George Mason University and author of <i>Average is Over</i></b><i><br /></i><br />While pundits debate the ever-evolving institution of marriage, Eli Finkel offers a fresh, nonpartisan analyses of changing trends, and even practical advice for the long-coupled. Anyone in a committed romantic relationshipwhether or not theyre legally wedwill benefit from the generosity and care he brings to the topic.<br /><b>Kate Bolick, author of <i>Spinster: Making a Life of One's Own</i></b><br /><br />A thorough analysis of American marriage throughout the ages. In this comprehensive examination, Finkel...traces the evolution of this sacred institution from the earliest days of hunter-gatherer societies to modern times....In addition to extensive research, the author bolsters the narrative with charts, diagrams, and numerous quotes from a variety of sources. As the author writes, it is possible to create a loving, lasting union, but it requires work, communication, and commitment on the part of both parties, and the process will change as time progresses.<br /><b><i>Kirkus Reviews</i></b><br /><br />"A fantastic new book that looks at our complex history with the institution, exploring how marriage has changed and evolved, and how we can change and evolve along with it."<br /><i><b>--The Toronto Star<br /><br /></b></i>"The <i><i>All-or-Nothing Marriage</i></i>is a fascinating read about our culture's relationship to relationships."<b><br /></b><i><b>--Books for Better Living<br /><br /></b></i>For Finkel, its fine to look at marriage as a means to personal happiness, but its a two-way street. Its about giving as much as it is getting, and forgetting that is the surest way to let your marriage fall apart.<b><br /></b><i><b> --</b></i><b>Vox.com</b><i><b><br /></b></i>
zlib_text: Advance	Praise	for
  The	All-or-Nothing	Marriage
  “This	book	makes	a	lot	of	sense,	and	it	is	written	by	an	eminent	scholar.	It	should	be	an	essential	part	of
  every	therapist’s	bookshelf.”
  —John	M.	Gottman,	author	of	The	Seven	Principles	for	Making	Marriage	Work
  “An	engaging,	perceptive	exploration	of	a	modern	paradox.	We	need	marriage	less	than	ever	for	practical
  survival	and	social	success,	but	we	demand	more	satisfaction	and	meaning	from	it	than	ever.	The	higher	we
  climb	in	our	emotional	expectations,	Finkel	argues,	the	more	oxygen	we	need	to	pump	into	our
  relationships.”
  —Stephanie	Coontz,	author	of	Marriage,	a	History:	How	Love	Conquered	Marriage
  “Marriages	are	like	rapids-filled	rivers,	sweeping	us	along	toward	desired	destinations,	both	emotional	and
  practical,	while	imperiling	the	journey	with	unseen	rocks	of	ruin.	With	an	account	that	is	impressive	in
  scholarship	and	erudition,	Eli	Finkel	has	provided	a	much-needed	chart	for	understanding	and	navigating
  the	waters.”
  —Robert	B.	Cia