title: Chomp, Chomp, Chomp: How I Survived a Bear Attack and Other Cautionary Tales
author:  Allena Hansen 
description: Bon vivant and social pariah, ALLENA HANSEN came to national attention when she had the bad judgment to get mauled by a bear, fight it off, and drive herself down a mountain for help on a slow news day. In the ensuing media storm she was featured on ABC, Inside Edition, The Doctors, Pet Heroes, The Bonnie Hunt Show, People, Oprahs O, and too many tabloids, blogs, and podcasts to count, until achieving meme status in the all time top ten Ask Me Anything on reddit. comjust below but not beneath Barack Obama, Bill Gates, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson. She lives on a ranch in Californias Southern Sierras with her horses, her hero dogs, and her literary pretentions.
zlib_text: TABLE OF CONTENTS
  Chapter One
  Chapter Two
  Chapter Three
  Chapter Four
  Chapter Five
  Chapter Six
  
  Chapter One
  “You’re in a funny mood,” said Mrs. Bear, turning to her husband. “I
  hope you’re not still brooding about what happened last week. You need to
  get over it, dear.”
  The Three Bears had just eaten a delicious supper in their little cottage.
  Now Mr. and Mrs. Bear were doing the dishes while Baby Bear watched
  TV.
  “Brooding? Me? Certainly not!” said Mr. Bear. “But I have been doing
  some thinking. I’ve decided we should get a burglar alarm.”
  
  “Isn’t that a bit extreme?” said Mrs. Bear, frowning. “Goldilocks won’t
  do it again, I’m sure of it.”
  
  “Maybe she won’t,” said Mr. Bear. “But if a young girl can break in,
  then anybody can. And the forest is full of dangerous characters these days.
  You’ve seen the scary stories on the news.”
  The truth was that Mr. Bear had been very rattled by the whole
  Goldilocks incident.
  
  He hadn’t slept well since then. He woke up several times each night,
  convi