title: The Sex Myth: The Gap Between Our Fantasies and Reality
author:  Rachel Hills 
description: Hills argues persuasively that when our value is tied to sexual desirability and performance, we live with a new kind of shame<i>The Sex Myth</i> provides a clarifying framework for understanding new versions of old contradictionsHills makes a smart argument against that strain of neo- or anti-feminism that would have women rebel against objectification by objectifying ourselves. (<i>New York Times Book Review</i>)<br /><br />Rachel Hills has written a bracing and brave interrogation of contemporary assumptions about sex  how and with whom and why we have it, and what it means if we don't. Here is a fresh voice and a welcome perspective, cutting through attitudes that are supposed to be progressive and liberating, but can too often oppress and stifle us just as effectively as older taboos. (Rebecca Traister <i>author of Big Girls Dont Cry</i>)<br /><br />A thoroughly engaging new bookone filled with as many aha! moments as this one, is going to be enough for plenty to pick it up. If youre interested in beauty and physical appearance on top of that, <i>The Sex Myth</i> has even greater wealth. Hills skillfully lays out the ways that sex has become entwined with peoples images, including how we use appearance to give a managed vision of sexuality. (<i>The New Inquiry</i>)<br /><br />Based on interviews, research, and her own observations, Rachel Hills proposes, in <i>The Sex Myth</i>, cutting edge ideas about  and smart solutions for  the gulf between the lofty and often warped ways our current culture depicts and views sex and the way modern sex actually <i>is. </i>A pragmatic, refreshing, and interesting look at and discussion of the way we live and love today. (Cathi Hanauer <i>author of Gone and editor of The Bitch in the House</i>)<br /><br />Rachel Hills intelligently and ably dissects the myth that to be satisfied and sexually relevant we must diligently exercise (and enjoy!) the freedoms of our supposed sexual liberation. Through the stories of real men and women, she lays bare the truth that despite its advertised empowerment and adventure this new prescription is no different than those past: by imposing a narrow definition of sexual relevance, it implies that most of us are not measuring up. <i>The Sex Myth</i> offers an inclusive alternate definition of sexual freedom, in which we are at liberty to enjoy whatever pleases us. Rachel Hills is bound to find a place on the shelf alongside Ariel Levy, Naomi Wolf, and Jennifer Baumgardner. (Melissa Febos <i>author of Whip Smart</i>)<br /><br />Hills adroitly reveals how sex functions individually and collectively in identity formation. (<i>Bustle</i>)<br /><br />Pretty much everything you think you know about sex  from magazines extolling mind-blowing orgasms in positions only Cirque de Soleil can accomplish, to sit-coms' nudge-nudge allusions, or fifty shades of any color  is wrong, says Rachel Hills. And thank goodness, too! The gap between these media-spooned fantasies and our actual sex lives is enormous, and is designed to leave most of us feeling like sexual losers  which keep us consuming more fantasies. In a book that is both assured and reassuring, Hills reminds us that there are as many sexualities as there are people, and that most of us find sex fun, intimate, communicative, and pleasurable. Which means  big exhale  we're probably doing it right. (Michael Kimmel, PhD <i>author of Manhood in America</i>)<br /><br />Feminist and journalist Rachel Hills spent seven years researching the limits of our cultural understanding of sex. In what may bring huge relief to readers, the resulting book, <i>The Sex Myth</i>, proves through scientific and anecdotal evidence (Hills conducted almost a thousand interviews around the Western world) that when it comes to sex, there is no normalPart of the beauty of <i>The Sex Myth</i> is that it unearths interviewees who, unlike in the single story, are experiencing a dry patchHills work is important; as well as giving us the language to deconstruct enforced sexual norms, she allows us to discover the sex lives of hundreds of different people. And in this, <i>The Sex Myth</i> dismantles the single story. (<i>Kill Your Darlings</i>)<br /><br />"Hills, a feminist, goes directly to where many feminist writers don'tright into the hearts, rather than the hormones, of men." (<i>Mother Jones</i>)<br /><br />Rachel Hills thinks complexly about a subject we all too often simplify and helps us better understand the true diversity of sexual experience. We can never understand sex fully if we mythologize and misunderstand either its pleasures or its perils. Shes helped me think in new ways about the intricacies of cultural representations of sex and eroticism as were living them right now. (Carol Queen, PhD <i>co-founder, Center for Sex &amp; Culture (sexandculture.org)</i>)
zlib_text: 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  ## Three women. Three fantasies.
  
  Years ago Gemma, Zoe and Violet all took the same  
  college sex-ed class, one they laughingly referred to as  
  Sex for Beginners. It was an easy credit—not something  
  they’d ever need in real life. Or so they thought…
  
  Their professor had them each write a letter, outlining  
  their most private, most outrageous sexual fantasies.  
  They never dreamed their letters would be returned  
  to them when they least expected it. Or that their own  
  words would change their lives forever…
  
  Don’t miss Stephanie Bond’s newest miniseries:
  
  Sex for Beginners
  
  WATCH AND LEARN  
  (October 2008)
  
  IN A BIND  
  (November 2008)
  
  NO PEEKING…  
  (December 2008)
  
  Sex for Beginners  
  What you don’t know…might turn you on!
  
  
  
  
  
  ![image](2.jpg)
  
  Dear Reader,
  
  Have you ever run across an old childhood diary or a note you wrote in high
  school or college? It’s fun and sometimes revealing to see what you were
  thinking when you were younger, what things were important