title: The Metrognome and Other Stories
author:  Alan Dean Foster 
description: you thought you knew about the universe and enter the fantastic world of master storyteller Alan Dean Foster . . . &lt;br&gt;OPERATOR ASSISTED CALLS ARE CHARGED AT A HIGHER RATE. Mr. Parkworthy had a score to settle with the telephone company, and he was a man used to getting his own way. But he should have remembered that it is not polite to be rude to a lady . . . especially when the lady is Ma Bell.&lt;br&gt;THE METROGNOME. Charlie Dimsdale was only a little man in the company that ran New York City's subways . . . until some odd little denizens of the city's subterranean tunnels showed him who was really in charge!&lt;br&gt;THE TESSELATED TETRAHEXAHEDRAL YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS. Country people in America are a fair but mighty independent bunch. So when some government scientists rudely demanded that the Shattucks turn over the UFO that crashed on their Texas ranch, the Shattucks became a bit obstinate. Besides, the shining little spacecraft looked real cute hanging on the barn with the Christmas decorations.&amp;
zlib_text: THE METROGNOME AND OTHER STORIES
  Alan Dean Foster
  INTRODUCTION
  GYRO GEARLOOSE, the ultimate inventor created by the immortal Carl Barks, one day invents
  a machine that can answer any question. Deciding to start it out with something simple, he points to a
  small bird outside his window and inquires of the device, "Why is that bird singing?" Whereupon the
  machine replies, "Oh, maybe he's glad, maybe he's sad, maybe he's a little mad. "
  The great Gearloose was not expecting lack of precision. He promptly
  embarks on a series of attempts to best his own creation by learning exactly
  why the bird is singing. Repeatedly frustrated, he is forced to invent an
  entirely new machine to translate the bird's voice so he can ask it the
  question directly. At which point it declaims, "Maybe I'm sad, maybe I'm
  glad, maybe I'm a little mad."
  Which is not a bad reply for an author to give when asked why one writes
  short stories.
  There's certainly no practical reason to do so. Only a handful of writers
  can 