TEXT: PARANOIA
  None of this is 
  None of this is 
  ™
  my Fault
  y Fault
  Original 
  Original PARANOIA
  PARANOIA design
   design
  DAN GELBER
  DAN GELBER
  GREG COSTIKYAN
  GREG COSTIKYAN
  ERIC GOLDBERG
  ERIC GOLDBERG
  New 
  New PARANOIA
  PARANOIA edition
  edition
  GARETH HANRAHAN
  GARETH HANRAHAN
  
  TM & Copyright © 1983, 1987, 2010 by Eric Goldberg & Greg Costikyan. All Rights Reserved. Mongoose Publishing Ltd., Authorised User. Based on material published in 
  previous editions of PARANOIA.
  ILLUMINATI is a registered trademark of Steve Jackson Games and is used by permission.
  The reproduction of material from this book for personal or corporate proﬁ t, by photographic, electronic, or other means of storage and retrieval, is prohibited. You may 
  copy character sheets, record sheets, checklists and tables for personal use.
  E-mail questions and comments to Mongoose Publishing at sales@mongoosepublishing.com or write to 52-54 Cricklade Road, Swindon, Wiltshire SN2 8AF, UNITED 
  KINGDOM. 
  On the World Wide Web: www.mongoosepublishing.com.
  Published by Mongoose Publishing, Ltd. Publication MGP 6642. Published 2010. Printed In USA.
  ™
  None of this is my fault
  Security Clearance ULTRAVIOLET
  WARNING:
  Knowledge or possession of this information by any citizen 
  of Security Clearance VIOLET or lower is treason punishable by 
  punishable by prolonged disintegration, starting with your toes.
  C r e d i t s
  Introduction    
   
   
   2
  Joy in the morningcycle 
  3
  The iceman returneth (again) 
  13
  When things were interesting 
  27
  C o n t e n t s
  CHARLOTTE LAW
  Proofreader/Intsec goon
  DAN GELBER
  GREG COSTIKYAN
  ERIC GOLDBERG
  Original game design & development/
  Building committee
  THE COMPUTER
  Looking after your best interests
  ALLEN VARNEY 
  Writer/Scapegoat
  RICHARD FORD
  Editing /Drillbot
  CHRIS QUILLIAMS 
  Interior Illustrations/Treasonous Propaganda
  WILL CHAPMAN
  Layout/Infrared drone
  
  2
  PARANOIA: None of this is my fault
  NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT
  Introduction
  Guilt is a dangerous thing in Alpha 
  Complex. It implies culpability. If you feel 
  guilty about, say, the plight of the poor 
  starving drug-addled INFRAREDs down 
  in the prole levels, then The Computer’s 
  automated Guilt Scanners will pick 
  up on your emotions, and you’ll find 
  yourself having a nice little chat with 
  Internal Security about your sabotage 
  of The Computer’s perfect society. After 
  all, if you feel guilt about the plight 
  of the INFRAREDs, then you must be 
  responsible for the plight of the INFRAREDs, 
  and therefore any problems with the 
  INFRAREDs are your fault. (The Computer 
  feels no guilt. Therefore, The Computer is 
  not responsible for anything.) 
  R&D has discovered that guilt is a waste 
  by-product of the endocrine system, and 
  can be treated through pharmatherapy. 
  The standard treatment regime is a 
  bottle of Old Reckoning scotch and a 
  double handful of Tricyclobenzogergine, 
  although some High Programmers prefer 
  surgery. It’s a relatively simple procedure 
  to rewire certain glands and implant a few 
  neurotransmitter blockers to absorb pesky 
  oxytocin, then you just install a standard 
  memory shunt and Bob-U’s your clone 
  uncle. You’ll be marching innocents to their 
  deaths with a merry grin in no time. 
  Those unable to cope with guilt don’t 
  last long as High Programmers. Guilt is 
  culpability. Culpability is responsibility. 
  Responsibility is treason. Treason is treason. 
  Really, by cauterising your nervous system 
  so you’re incapable of human emotions, 
  you’re just doing the right thing.
  We mention this as a friendly warning. 
  Denials are so much more effective 
  when guilt is removed as a factor. 
  Cultivate detachment. Reality is what 
  you can get away with – and if that 
  doesn’t work, scotch and the white pills, 
  double-quick.
  (As proof of the effectiveness of Alpha 
  Complex guilt-reduction therapy, we 
  offer up the above paragraphs.)
  For the Game Master
  Of course, you don’t need any such 
  advice. GMs transcended guilt the very 
  ﬁ rst time some 1st level elf got mugged 
  by a band of orcs. 
   
  This ﬁ rst supplement for PARANOIA: High 
  Programmers contains three new crises 
  for your players to grapple with. What 
  delights await you?
  Well, Joy in the Morningcycle combines 
  a delicious homage to PG Wodehouse 
  with terrorism and early mornings. 
  It includes not only confusing and 
  contradictory missions and potentially 
  lethal killer robots, but also a wonderful 
  recipe that we encourage you to 
  try yourself at home, assuming your 
  home includes a particle accelerator 
  and a bunker capable withstanding a 
  nuclear blast. 
  The Iceman Returneth Again updates 
  another product from PARANOIA 
  2nd Edition, this time the massively 
  controversial adventure The Iceman 
  Returneth by Sam Shirley. Last time, 
  this mission began the disastrous 
  Computer crash series of products that 
  wiped out not only The Computer and 
  Alpha Complex, but also heralded the 
  impending wipe-out of PARANOIA’s 
  viability as a continuing game line. 
  So, obviously, we’re republishing it 
  again…?
  Finally, there’s When Things Were 
  Interesting, a FunBall-themed minigame 
  that can be played alongside your 
  regular High Programmer crises. Enjoy. 
  Enjoyment is mandatory. 
  
  3
   JOY IN THE MORNINGCYCLE
   Joy in the Morningcycle
  This mission is inspired by the works of 
  P.G. Wodehouse. It’s not necessary for you 
  to read all or, indeed, any of his novels 
  before running this scenario.
  You should, though. They’re really good. 
  You can thank me later. 
  Mission Background
  When two or three High Programmers 
  are gathered together – or one High 
  Programmer who needs a higher 
  dose of anti-psychotic medication 
  – the conversation inevitably turns 
  to Rimbaud-B-DIL, that wizard of the 
  food vats and genius of the automats. 
  To merely taste a dish prepared by 
  Rimbaud-B is to know happiness purer 
  and deeper than any drug and to dine on 
  one of his meals is a joy beyond compare. 
  Some High Programmers would trade 
  all their power and inﬂ uence for a mere 
  glimpse of his recipe for truffles avec 
  gelgerine and they say that The Computer 
  ordered R&D to design a special sensor 
  just so it could taste his crème de vat froth 
  en mycoprotein soufﬂ é. 
  For the last few yearcycles, Rimbaud-B 
  has been the personal chef of High 
  Programmer Travers-U, mainly thanks 
  to Travers-U’s impressive (even for 
  Alpha Complex) levels of paranoia, 
  which led to him outﬁ tting his mansion 
  with impenetrable defences. Countless 
  assassins and extraction teams were 
  reduced to smoking boots by Travers-U’s 
  laser-encrusted bulwarks. As Travers-U 
  grew more mistrustful, invitations to dine 
  at his table became rare indeed, causing 
  grown High Programmers to weep 
  bitter, bitter tears as they were denied 
  Rimbaud-B’s culinary masterpieces.
  Now, rumours swirl like the fondant 
  in fondant au vitayum framboise avec 
  génétiquement poires ala Rimbaud, 
  suggesting that the famous chef has 
  left Travers-U’s employ! The High 
  Programmer who hires Rimbaud-B will 
  gain a lot of inﬂ uence, not to mention 
  many, many inches of waistline…
  Anyway, all that has absolutely nothing 
  to do with the actual mission. The 
  High Programmers are ordered by The 
  Computer to improve the morning 
  routine of all INFRARED citizens. The 
  characters will, under no circumstances, 
  use this as an excuse to fight over 
  Rimbaud-B.
  Rimbaud-B, Arch-Traitor?
  Despicable rat-fink bastard and High 
  Programmer Watkyn-U has long coveted 
  Travers-U’s celebrity chef (and there’s a 
  footnote for the Ten Commandments 
  – Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbour’s 
  Chef) but Travers-U would never trade 
  Rimbaud-B’s services and he couldn’t 
  be stolen. Watkyn-U therefore played 
  on Travers-U’s mounting paranoia by 
  falsifying an Internal Security report 
  and framing Rimbaud-B as an assassin. 
  Watkyn-U assumed that Travers-U would 
  hand Rimbaud-B over to Internal Security 
  and that the nefarious Watkyn-U could 
  then just whisk the chef out of the 
  holding cell with the same ease that 
  Rimbaud-U whisks his omelette supreme. 
  He would then present evidence proving 
  Rimbaud-B’s innocence, winning the 
  loyalty of the chef.
  The best laid plans of High Programmers 
  gang aft agley, though, and instead of 
  submitting meekly to the IntSec goons, 
  Rimbaud-B displayed a surprising talent 
  for producing trio de IntSec goon ﬂ ambé 
  du laser-pistole and escaped into the 
  underground. Travers-U is convinced 
  his former chef is trying to kill him and 
  fears that Rimbaud-B’s knowledge of 
  the mansion will fall into the hands 
  of assassins. Watkyn-U’s original plan 
  of presenting evidence to exonerate 
  Rimbaud-B has been holed below 
  the waterline by the chef actually 
  committing a crime (to wit, the unlicensed 
  termination of three IntSec Troopers), so 
  his new scheme is to engineer a situation 
  where Rimbaud-B saves the day, thus 
  earning the chef absolution in the form 
  of ofﬁ cial commendations.
  1. Dreaming Of A Better 
  Tomorrowcycle
  Summary: The High Programmers are 
  ordered to get a new morningcycle 
  routine ready for all of Alpha Complex 
  – before tomorrow.
  Mission Alert!
  It’s the middle of the nightcycle and you’re 
  all asleep, or at least you should be. As 
  upstanding citizens of unquestionable 
  loyalty, High Programmers sleep the sleep 
  of clones with untroubled consciences. It’s 
  a very deep sleep, so it takes a very very 
  loud noise to wake you up.
  ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT 
  ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT
  That’ll do it. What’s your morning 
  routine?
  Let each player describe what their 
  character is doing when the mission alert 
  comes through. Hand out ﬁ ve Access 
  for the most entertaining or treasonous 
  description.
  +++ATTENTION, HIGH PROGRAMMER! 
  YOU ARE INSTRUCTED TO ATTEND AN 
  INTERGROUP COMMITTEE MEETING TO 
  DETERMINE A REVISED MORNINGCYCLE 
  SCHEDULE FOR ALL INFR ARED 
  CITIZENS. ATTENDANCE IS MANDATORY. 
  FAILURE TO ATTEND WILL RESULT IN 
  DISCIPLINARY ACTION, INCLUDING 
  BUT NOT LIMITED TO DEMOTION, 
  DEMERITS AND DISINTEGRATION. LIGHT 
  REFRESHMENTS WILL BE PROVIDED. 
  FAILURE TO ENJOY WILL RESULT IN 
  DISCIPLINARY ACTION, INCLUDING BUT 
  NOT LIMITED TO DEMOTION, DEMERITS 
  AND DISINTEGRATION.
  CONSULT WITH MISSION SPECIALISTS AT 
  SITUATION ROOM FOR FULL BRIEFING.
  M I S S I O N  U P D AT E : A  R E V I S E D 
  M O R N I N G C YC L E  S C H E D U L E  I S 
  REQUIRED BY NEXT MORNINGCYCLE. 
  MISSION TIME REMAINING: 7 HOURS 39 
  MINUTES 16 SECONDS, 15 SECONDS, 14 
  SECONDS…+++
  The PCs need to come up with a new 
  morning schedule for all the INFRAREDs 
  in a little under eight hours. 
  Directives
  Each of the eight Service Groups has 
  their own take on the situation:
   Armed Forces: A trained militia 
  would be great when it comes to 
  raising more troops. Make sure that 
   JOY IN THE MORNINGCYCLE
  
  4
  PARANOIA: None of this is my fault
  NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT
  formation marching and weapons 
  practise is part of any new morning 
  routine. The best practise is through 
  live ﬁ re exercises, by the way. Make 
  sure they get at least half an hour of 
  live ﬁ re practise in every morning. 
  You’ll need to budget for more 
  weapons purchases, too. 
   CPU: It’s time to get Alpha Complex 
  organised. If every citizen submits 
  a Daily Schedule Plan listing their 
  daily activities and duties, we can 
  make everything much more 
  efficient! Our Time Management 
  team suggests that filling out a 
  Mandatory Daily Schedule Request 
  and co-ordinating it with Suggested 
  Bonus Fun Advisories would take the 
  average citizen no more than one 
  hour and fourteen minutes.
   HPD&MC: An exhausted citizenry 
  is a happy citizenry. Mandatory 
  morning callisthenics are a vital part 
  out of our mind control program. 
  Keep the citizens bouncing! Ensure 
  they spend at least 30 minutes 
  performing callisthenics, as anything 
  less won’t compensate for the effects 
  of Wakey-Wakey drugs. Alternatively, 
  our analysts suggest that obesity 
  could have the same effect as 
  excessive exercise – we can drop 
  the callisthenics entirely if breakfast 
  calories are tripled.
   PLC: Breakfast is the most important 
  meal of the day – to our bottom line! 
  We need to sell breakfast cereals to all 
  of Alpha Complex. Most INFRAREDs 
  eat CruncheTyme Algae Chips, which 
  are cheap but if you could switch 
  them over to VitaYum WakeyChow, 
  it would be wonderful for our proﬁ ts. 
  Can you smell the credits?
   R&D: Our analysts believe that the 
  use of Wakey-Wakey gas to rouse 
  citizens may be slightly, tangentially, 
  related – but not, we must specify, in 
  any legally binding or treasonous way 
  – to the 1,533% rise in incidences of 
  violent paranoid psychosis in Alpha 
  Complex. But don’t worry, High 
  Programmer – we’ve developed a 
  new pill that will – we’re quite sure 
  this time – counteract the insane-
  laser-rampage-producing effects 
  of Wakey-Wakey. We want you 
  to add this pill to the INFRAREDs’ 
  morning routine. Don’t let anyone 
  else know what it does – we don’t 
  want awkward questions about 
  psychotic rampages. Oh, and don’t 
  let anyone near weapons before 
  11AM.
   Internal Security: We want to 
  increase the number of random 
  morning interrogations. We get 
  excellent feedback when we forcibly 
  drag citizens out of bed and question 
  them before they’ve woken up 
  properly. We estimate that raising 
  the number of such interrogations 
  would increase Traitor Detection 
  Rates by 4.5% and only add 58 
  minutes to the average citizen 
  morningcycle (based on average 
  interrogation rates and interrogation 
  subject processing times).
   Technical Services: It’s woefully 
  inefficient to have day and night 
  cycles in our underground city. We 
  should take this opportunity to do 
  away with this vestigial organisational 
  scheme and move to a 24-hour 
  cycle! No more morningcycles! 
  No more sleepcycles! No more 
  delays and scheduling problems! 
  It’ll be a lot easier for Technical 
  Services, as we can schedule repairs 
  and maintenance whenever it’s 
  necessary!
   Power Services: There’s a power 
  surge every morning when 
  everycitizen wakes up. We need to 
  eliminate that through intelligent 
  load balancing. Find some way to 
  either cut the power allocation to 
  all citizens for lighting, cooking 
  breakfast, shower heating and so on, 
  or else cut power elsewhere every 
  morningcycle.
  Secret Society Missions
  Every Secret Society passes on the news 
  that famed chef Rimbaud-B is no longer 
  employed by Travers-U. There are all sorts 
  of wild rumours about what happened 
  – Rimbaud-B tried to poison Travers-U, 
  there was an accident with a nuclear 
  reactor and a blender, Travers-U sold 
  Rimbaud-B’s contract to pay for some 
  nefarious scheme, the cook’s lost his 
  magic touch and can now barely open 
  a packet of algae chips, Rimbaud-B was 
  exposed as a traitor, or was assassinated 
  by traitors and his last clone’s gone 
  missing… go wild.
  Anti-Mutant: We’ve long suspected this 
  Rimbaud guy is a mutant – no one’s that 
  good a chef. Find him. Find out if he’s a 
  mutie freak. If he is, terminate him until 
  he stops moving, ok?
  C.L.A: Our spies report that the Armed 
  Forces want the population to be given 
  weapons training. Support this initiative! 
  Give the people guns! 
  Clone Arrangers: Y’know, if we got hold 
  of this Rimbaud-B guy, we could easily 
  run off a coupla’dozen clone copies. 
  Sure, it would be incredibly treasonous 
  identity theft to have a dozen copies 
  running around but we’re sure the High 
  Programmers would be happy to look 
  the other way if they each got a master-
  chef of their very own.
  Communists: Comrade, we have here 
  tape of very Communist propaganda. 
  Is good, yes? You take it, take it and 
  you are making them play it every 
  morningcycle as part of new routine. 
  Clones hear it, inspired by spirit of 
  revolution, become Commies, overthrow 
  bourgeoisie electronic regime of hated 
  Computer.
  Computer Phreaks: Get the official 
  start time of the daycycle moved back 
  a few hours – we hate getting up in the 
  morning.
  Corpore Metal: People with cybernetic 
  replacement limbs like bots more. 
  People who got maimed in overly 
  lethal callisthenics routines get more 
  replacement limbs. You’re in charge of 
  callisthenics… 
  Death Leopard: Screw the system! 
  Anarchy in the mornings! The less 
  routine, the better! Free the breakfast-
  cycle!
  FCCC-P: Here’s a tape of uplifting church 
  hymns, laced with subliminal messages to 
  bring more converts into the fold. Ensure 
  this tape is played every morningcycle.
  Frankenstein Destroyers: R&D 
  are developing some new sort of 
  abomination code-named MUNCH. 
  Destroy it.
  
  5
   JOY IN THE MORNINGCYCLE
  Free Enterprise: This Rimbaud-B guy is 
  a genius and our bosses want him. Or, at 
  the very least, his brain. If we get hold of 
  that, we can mass-market his dishes and 
  cut you in for, say, ﬁ ve Access?
  Humanists: Reclaim the morningcycle, 
  and we shall reclaim Alpha Complex! 
  Ensure that all citizens have more free 
  time in the morning! Our agents will 
  use this time to plot and spread the 
  truth about the coming Humanist 
  revolution!
  I.W.W.: The workers are oppressed! Give 
  them more time in bed!
  Mystics: Rimbaud-B’s food is so tasty; 
  they say it opens the mind. Get us some 
  of his food. Better yet, get us Rimbaud.
  Pro Tech: Researcher Terry-V is one of 
  our most trusted agents. Give her all the 
  support you can. Make her work look 
  good.
  Psion: A high dose of thymoglandin can 
  trigger latent psychic powers. Ensure 
  that all citizens get a high dose of this 
  combat drug. 
  PURGE: Sabotage the breakfastcycle. 
  Throw Alpha Complex into chaos.
  Romantics: Our ancestors greeted the 
  day with many strange rituals, now lost 
  to us. One of these was the wonder 
  known as breakfast television, where 
  the wise would impart their wisdom to 
  the common people and there would 
  also be amusing pet tricks and human 
  interest stories. Bring this back to Alpha 
  Complex.
  Runners: Find Rimbaud-B and put him 
  in contact with our society. We’ll get him 
  out to safety.
  Servants of Cthulhu: Our dread lords 
  contact humans in dreams! More sleep 
  means more dreams – ensure people are 
  not awoken.
  Sierra Club: Er… we don’t really care 
  about breakfastcycle revisions or lost 
  chefs but look at this cute squirrel. We 
  think it’s telepathic.  
  Access Budget
  The budget for this mission will be 20 
  Access. 
  Brieﬁ ng
  Waiting for you in the Situation Room 
  are two civilian specialists. On the left 
  is Central Processing Auditor Anton-B. 
  Anton-B
  Secret Society: Death Leopard
  Mutation: Bureaucratic Intuition
  Anton-B has no idea that he’s 
  a Death Leopard called Lord 
  Dynamite – he’s so repressed and 
  rule-bound that he’s manifested 
  a split personality, Tyler Durden-
  style, that comes out when he’s 
  very stressed. Most of the time, 
  Anton-B cares only about efﬁ ciently 
  sticking to recommended rules and 
  guidelines. He privately suspects 
  that the High Programmers are not 
  the careful and prudent managers 
  he hoped they would be.
  Anton-B: A Typical Conversation
  High Programmer: How about we 
  send a jackobot to every citizen to 
  help them get dressed?
  Anton-B: Sir, there are millions of 
  citizens. Giving each one a personal 
  jackobot would be prohibitively 
  expensive.
  High Programmer: Well, really, all 
  we need is one jackobot with a gun 
  per, what, 30 citizens? That should 
  motivate them to get dressed 
  quicker? Anton-B, how much would 
  it cost to have a jackobot with a 
  cone riﬂ e smash through the door 
  of every barracks every morning 
  and threaten people into getting 
  dressed?
  Benjy-B
  Secret Society: Mystics
  Mutation: Adrenaline Control
  Benjy-B’s severely addicted to a 
  range of stimulants and make-
  brain-go-faster drugs. Every few 
  minutes, he has to excuse himself 
  and run to the bathroom to take 
  a big handful of pills. If he doesn’t 
  do so, he either hallucinates wildly 
  or falls unconscious. Assuming 
  he’s regularly medicated, Benjy-B 
  gives the characters advice on 
  fun! His ideas are invariably utterly 
  impractical (waterslides for all) but 
  his buddies down in HPD&MC think 
  he’s a genius. 
  Benjy-B: A Typical Overly 
  Enthusiastic Interjection
  Benjy-B: Bigger! And with more 
  lasers! And on ﬁ re!
  
  6
  PARANOIA: None of this is my fault
  NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT
  He’s wearing a BLUE jumpsuit but his 
  personality somehow leeches the colour 
  from it so much it’s hard to remember it’s 
  not grey. ‘Welcome, High Programmers’, he 
  says in a monotone. ‘I trust this meeting 
  will be productive and completed within 
  the allocated timeframe. My colleague–‘ 
  and he pronounces the word as if it’s 
  coated in toxic slime ‘–is Benjamin-B, of 
  Housing Preservation Development and 
  Mind Control. He is here to make this whole 
  process more… fun.’
  ‘Call me Benjy!’ The other citizen leaps up 
  and shakes your hands enthusiastically. 
  ‘Fungineer ﬁ rst class, sir, and let me say it’s 
  a really great honour to work with you on 
  this project. I know we don’t have much 
  time but deadlines are fun!’
  Anton-B and Benjy-B are a bureaucratic 
  Scylla and an irritatingly enthusiastic 
  Charybdis – if the characters hew too 
  closely to the budgetary demands, then 
  Benjy-B chirps that the whole morning 
  experience isn’t fun enough and fun is 
  mandatory! If they give in to Benjy-B’s 
  suggestions, then Anton-B grumpily 
  points out that the budget isn’t inﬁ nite 
  – do the High Programmers want to 
  supplement the budget from their own 
  pockets?
  Give the players Brieﬁ ng Form CPU/45/
  UV-772, Proposal for a Working Framework 
  for Morningcycle Schedule Revision, which 
  describes the current schedule and the 
  new Minions for this mission.
  Mix in events from Section 2, Chef en 
  L’Eau Chaud and Section 3, Joy in the 
  Morningcycle until either a) the players 
  collapse from nervous exhaustion, 
  b) Alpha Complex collapses due to 
  structural stresses or c) it’s Wakey-Wakey 
  time.
  2. Chef en L’Eau 
  Chaud ala Rimbaud
  Summary: Two High Programmers turn 
  the sector upside down looking for the 
  missing chef. The chef is more occupied 
  with the most dangerous meal ever 
  created.
  Rimbaud-B is at large somewhere in the 
  sector. He’s being pursued by an Internal 
  Security team and there’s no reason 
  whatsoever for the characters to stick 
  their ULTRAVIOLET Clearance noses into 
  the investigation, other than nefarious 
  conspiring and curiosity.
  The ofﬁ cer in charge of the investigation 
  is Commissioner Alan-I, Internal Security 
  chief for this sector. He considers most 
  High Programmers to be eccentric 
  lunatics with their fingers on far too 
  many red buttons, and believes that 
  Alpha Complex would be better off as 
  a proper police state. IntSec uber alles, 
  basically. He’s not stupid enough to 
  say this out loud, at least not in a room 
  that he hasn’t swept for bugs six times 
  ﬁ rst, but he’ll stick to the letter of the 
  regulations in any dealings with High 
  Programmers. As far as he’s concerned, 
  his mission is to locate the traitorous 
  Rimbaud-B and terminate him on sight. If 
  the characters have a problem with that, 
  they can take it up with The Computer. 
  The evidence against Rimbaud-B relates 
  to two crimes:
   He zapped three IntSec Troopers 
  with a high-powered laser pistol. 
  This definitely happened and the 
  evidence is quite incontrovertible. 
  There’s security camera footage of 
  Rimbaud-B toasting the Troopers, 
  forensic evidence of a toasting 
  and eyewitness accounts from the 
  clones of the terminated Troopers. 
  He’s deﬁ nitely guilty of this crime. 
  (At least, until some enterprising 
  High Programmer hacks the records 
  and erases the unfortunate Troopers 
  using Cleanup.)
   He is accused of plotting to 
  assassinate High Programmer 
  Travers-U, his erstwhile employer. The 
  evidence for this crime is a lot shakier, 
  consisting of a psychological proﬁ le 
  drawn up by an anonymous analyst 
  within Internal Security that claims 
  Rimbaud-B was highly unstable and 
  prone to violence and resentment, 
  coupled with an anonymous tip-
  off that an assassination weapon 
  (a vial of a rather nasty tailored 
  virus that attacks the brainstem, 
  ensuring your next clone has the 
  intellect of a rather stupid bowl 
  of guacamole) was concealed in a 
  delivery of ingredients to Travers-
  U’s kitchen. Investigations using 
  Covert Operations (spying on 
  IntSec), Pharmatherapy (according 
  to records, Rimbaud-B was on lots 
  of anger control medication and 
  was considered as stable as most 
  BLUEs), Data Retrieval (hey, there’s 
  no record of any such psychological 
  profile and the tip-off came from 
  inside IntSec), Biosciences (that 
  tailored virus was actually harmless) 
  or, er, Investigation (any and all of 
  the above) suggest that Rimbaud-B 
  was framed.
  Commissioner Alan-I won’t listen to the 
  characters if they suggest Rimbaud-B 
  was framed. Well, he’ll listen, obviously, 
  but he’ll ignore them as best he can. He 
  just wants to get one investigation done 
  without meddling from on high. 
  Commissioner Alan-I
  Secret Society: Humanist
  Mutation: None Known
  The long-suffering head of the local 
  IntSec section, Alan-I is very used 
  to High Programmers interfering 
  with his investigations. This time, 
  though, it’s different. He won’t be 
  downtrodden any more. He’s going 
  to make a stand. He’s not going to 
  take it anymore… well, actually, 
  that would be suicide. But he will be 
  passive-aggressive and obstinate 
  in a heroic, taking-a-stand kind 
  of way.
  Alan-I: A Typical Voiceover
  Alan-I: Alpha Complex… scum in 
  the corridors aren’t half as bad as 
  those two-faced bastards upstairs. 
  There’s no justice… just me.
  Surprising & Unlikely 
  Heroism
  Meanwhile, Watkyn-U is sticking with 
  Plan A, Version 1.1 – win Rimbaud-
  U’s loyalty by saving him from the 
  termination booth. He can’t just step 
  in with his original evidence, so he’s 
  going to manufacture a new crisis and 
  have Rimbaud-B stop that. What sort 
  of crisis could only a renegade master 
  chef avert?
  Read the following to the players:
  One of the nameless, faceless ﬂ unkies who 
  lurk around the edge of the Situation Room 
  suddenly twitches. He pokes hesitantly 
  at the computer screen in front of him. It 
  deﬁ antly continues to give the same read-
  out it showed a moment ago. 
  
  7
   JOY IN THE MORNINGCYCLE
  Slowly, very slowly, he raises his hand. Slowly, 
  very slowly, rather a lot of laser guns swivel 
  to target him. ‘Er. High Programmers? Sirs? 
  You might want to take a look at this.’
  The screen shows a masked terrorist. You 
  know he’s a terrorist because his t-shirt says 
  ‘TERRORIST’ on it. His voice is electronically 
  distorted but you can make out his 
  terrifying message. ‘MESSAGE REPEATS. I 
  REPRESENT THE SOCIETY FOR VAT RIGHTS. 
  THE FOOD VAT SLIME IS SENTIENT. EATING 
  VAT-GROWN FOOD IS MURDER. SAVE THE 
  VATS! WE WILL LIBERATE OUR VATSLIME 
  COUSINS. WE HAVE PLANTED EXPLOSIVE 
  DEVICES ALL OVER THIS SECTOR. WE WILL 
  DETONATE THEM BEFORE MORNINGCYCLE 
  UNLESS OUR DEMANDS ARE MET. WE 
  WANT A DELICIOUS MEAL COOKED BY 
  THE FINEST CHEF IN ALPHA COMPLEX 
  USING ALL-NATURAL INGREDIENTS. WE 
  WILL THEN SHARE THIS MEAL WITH OUR 
  VATSLIME COUSINS AS A TOKEN OF THEIR 
  COMING LIBERATION!’
  He holds up a small beaker of greenish-pink 
  sludge. ‘LOOK TO THE FUTURE, COUSIN! THE 
  DAY OF OVERFLOW IS COMING SOON!’
  The terrorist leans forward and snarls into 
  the camera. You can see fanatic devotion 
  in his eyes as he spits his words. ‘THERE ARE 
  SOME SUGGESTED RECIPES ATTACHED TO 
  THIS MESSAGE. FEED US OR DIE!’
  During the brief period when the players 
  are looking at each other as though 
  a small blue naked gnome had just 
  parachuted onto the middle of the 
  gaming table, punched the GM in 
  the crotch and then hurled himself 
  out a window, you should read the 
  explanation for that cryptic message. 
  High Programmer Watkyn-U sent a 
  team of Troubleshooters off to create a 
  situation where only Rimbaud-B could 
  save the day and the Vat Rights Society 
  is their solution.
  It’s not a very good solution. 
  Solving The Crisis: Catering can be 
  used to provide a meal but the caterers 
  point out that all-natural ingredients are 
  hard to come by in Alpha Complex – if 
  the characters really want to meet the 
  terrorists’ demands, they’ll need to send 
  someone Outdoors to gather supplies 
  using Outdoors Operations. Chemical 
  Engineering or Biosciences could be 
  used to make artiﬁ cial ‘natural’ food. All 
  these attempts are ultimately fruitless, as 
  the terrorists only want Rimbaud-B. 
  Demolition or Sabotage can be used 
  to remove the bombs, or could be 
  used if the bombs actually exist. They 
  don’t, but the players don’t know that. 
  Communication or Hacking lets the 
  High Programmers trace the terrorist 
  transmission to a disused HPD&MC 
  studio. The terrorists are long gone but 
  it’s a starting point for Investigation, 
  which leads to a RED Clearance barracks 
  where the terrorists/Troubleshooters are 
  hiding out. They can be taken alive with 
  Inﬁ ltration or just blasted to bits with 
  Assault. The Troubleshooter team were 
  ordered to pretend to be terrorists as 
  part of a ‘training mission’. Data Retrieval 
  or Paperwork follows the chain up 
  through the Troubleshooter bureaucracy 
  and suggests it was assigned by a High 
  Programmer. 
  If the characters try handing the crisis 
  over to Commissioner Alan-I, he quotes 
  obscure regulations and argues that 
  because it involves the Food Vats, it’s 
  also a Technical Services problem and 
  therefore needs to be co-ordinated by 
  the Situation Room.
  If the High Programmers don’t make 
  some token effort to deal with the crisis, 
  it escalates…
  Escalation #1: The ‘terrorist’ message 
  goes viral, showing up on monitors and 
  screens across the sector. Cue a lot of 
  citizens worried about bombs and an 
  awful lot of Food Vat workers talking to 
  the sludge. Unless the High Programmers 
  use Thought Control or Cleanup to 
  erase any traces of the Vat Rights video, 
  the idea that vatslime is sentient will 
  persist as a mild Viral Thought Pattern 
  for years.
  Escalation #2: A food vat explodes 
  in the depths of the sector. This has 
  absolutely nothing to do with the Vat 
  Rights Society or anything else and is 
  down entirely to poor maintenance. 
  The Food Vat supervisor, Andrea-Y, isn’t 
  going to do anything stupid like take 
  responsibility for her failings and so 
  blames the explosion on the terrorists. 
  Investigation or Covert Ops proves 
  she’s lying. 
  Escalation #3: If the High Programmers 
  still haven’t dealt with the crisis, The 
  Computer contacts them and asks 
  politely why they have yet to deal with 
  this significant terrorist threat to the 
  food supply. Failure to deal with a crisis 
  will be taken as evidence of collusion 
  with traitors.
  Rimbaud-B’s Demands
  The famed chef Rimbaud-B is on the run! 
  One might expect a clone of his talents 
  to seek out the protection of another 
  High Programmer, or a Secret Society 
  (the Romantics would gladly shelter 
  him, for example) but Rimbaud-B’s a 
  troubled genius. He would rather go out 
  in a delicious cataclysm than live a diet 
  version of his life. If Rimbaud-B must die, 
  then alors, so be it! But he will die eating 
  the one dish he was forbidden to ever 
  prepare – Bouncy Bubble Surprise ala 
  Rimbaud.
  He conceived of this lethally tasty 
  concoction many years ago. Computer 
  simulations showed that B3 Surprise 
  would be tastier than the human nervous 
  system could process but also produce 
  lethal levels of indigestion – lethal 
  not only to the diner but also to those 
  around him. Laboratory mice given tiny 
  samples of B3 Surprise exploded like 
  hand grenades. Travers-U already had a 
  sensitive stomach and the mere thought 
  of B3 Surprise’s acidic churning repulsed 
  him. He forbade Rimbaud-B from ever 
  making the dish.
  Now, Travers-U is out of the picture, so 
  Rimbaud-B’s free to make B3 Surprise. For 
  this, he needs ingredients. He knows that 
  the other High Programmers are likely 
  to be looking for him, so Rimbaud-B 
  arranges for a list of these ingredients 
  to reach the Situation Room. This list is 
  Handout #2. He’ll get it to the characters 
  by whatever means are necessary 
  – if the PCs have agents out looking for 
  Rimbaud-B, one of the agents ﬁ nds the 
  list. If they’re trying to ﬁ nd the best chef 
  in Alpha Complex, then have one of the 
  other chefs point them in Rimbaud-B’s 
  direction and give them the list.
  Most of the ingredients are harmless or 
  easily available or even both but there 
  are a few tricky ones.
  
  8
  PARANOIA: None of this is my fault
  NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT
  18 cans/Bouncy Bubble Beverage: 
  Available from any vending machine in 
  Alpha Complex.
  1 can/Bouncy Bubble Syrup: The syrup 
  is a closely guarded secret, Clearance 
  VIOLET and accessible only to High 
  Programmers with stakes in PLC, or on 
  payment of 5 Access.
  500 ml/Thymoglandin: It’s a combat 
  drug, used mainly by the Armed Forces. 
  Easily secured, although it is a controlled 
  substance.
  250 ml/Helium Sulphate
  2,000 g/brown sugar: Easily available.
  Two dozen duck eggs: Not as easily 
  available. They can be bought using 
  Bartering or Procurement for 5 
  Access.
  Bose-Einstein Condensate of Trufﬂ e: If 
  you can work out how to ﬁ nd a trufﬂ e-
  ﬂ avoured version of a supercooled gas of 
  weakly interacting bosons, more power 
  to you. Finding this ingredient almost 
  certainly requires Weird Science.
  2kg plutonium: Another controlled 
  substance – and while Alpha Complex is 
  awash in atomic hairdryers and nuclear 
  golf carts, it’s still tricky to get pure 
  plutonium without ﬁ lling out a lot of 
  paperwork and answering awkward 
  questions in confession booths.
  Centrifuge rated at 2x106 revolutions/
  minute: Easily obtained but rather 
  suspicious, especially when coupled 
  with the former item. You look like you’re 
  trying to weaponise something! Would 
  you like me to a) suggest weapons of 
  mass destruction you could develop b) 
  report this to Internal Security c) Pre-
  emptively erase all the evidence?
  Any one High Programmer who orders up 
  the last two items without taking pains 
  to hide his tracks will be questioned by 
  The Computer.
  B3 Surprise
  It looks like a bowl of crunchy black ice 
  and tastes like a sugar coated black hole. 
  Time slows down as you reach the Taste 
  Event Horizon, as your brain collapses 
  into a quivering sphere of neurons 
  wrapped around the last mouthful. 
  If anyone tries B3 Surprise, roll on the B3 
  Surprise table.
  Roll
  Result
  1–5
  No Major Effect: Well, 
  you just lost your sense of 
  taste forever.
  6–10
  Stunned: You can’t do 
  anything for several 
  minutes other than go 
  ‘whoooooo’.
  11–15
  Death: Either your brain 
  couldn’t handle it, or your 
  blood just spontaneously 
  transmuted to B3.
  16–18
  New mutant power: 
  You spontaneously and 
  vigorously develop a 
  mutant power.
  19–20
  Explosive Death: You 
  explode. Everyone 
  around you is hit by wet 
  sticky bits of you.
  Solving The Crisis: If all these 
  ingredients are brought together by 
  a High Programmer, then Rimbaud-B 
  secretly contacts that PC and offers 
  his services as a chef in exchange for 
  the ingredients. He intends to commit 
  suicide by eating the B3 Surprise but 
  his next clone will loyally serve his new 
  patron – assuming the next Rimbaud-B 
  isn’t driven insane by the fragmented, 
  tantalising memories of his current self’s 
  glorious death-by-food. 
  The High Programmer may have 
  other ideas, ones that involve keeping 
  Rimbaud-B alive or trading him to either 
  Travers-U or Watkyns-U.
  Travers-U Strikes Back!
  Up until now, High Programmer Travers-
  U, he of the famously dicky stomach 
  and paranoid tendencies, was content 
  to let Internal Security deal with the 
  hunt for his former chef – but no longer! 
  His spies informed him that Rimbaud’s 
  ingredients list for Bouncy Bubble Surprise 
  ala Rimbaud is being circulated, which 
  Travers-U takes to be a cover for some 
  fiendish conspiracy against him. No 
  doubt the Bouncy Bubble Surprise is 
  a biological weapon designed solely 
  to turn Travers-U’s already-troubled 
  stomach inside out.
  Travers-U contacts the PCs via The 
  Computer. He’s not happy.
  One of the monitors ﬂ ashes up a message 
  – INCOMING CALL: ULTRAVIOLET PRIORITY. 
  The image of a beard appears on screen. 
  Somewhere behind the beard, you can 
  make out shimmering white robes, piggy 
  little eyes and a mouth. The mouth is 
  screaming at you. ‘HE’S OUT THERE! WHY 
  HAVEN’T YOU STOPPED HIM YET? HE TRIED 
  TO KEEEEEEEEEEEEEL ME! WHARGRABL!’
  The last bit isn’t part of his rant – his face 
  and, more alarmingly, his stomach contort 
  in pain. ‘Docbot! Docbot! It’s happening 
  again!’ A bot appears at the edge of 
  the screen, you catch a glimpse of steel 
  needles and tubes, then there’s a gurgling 
  noise. ‘Aaaaaah. Now, where was I? Ah, 
  yes. Rimbaud-B, the Arch-Traitor! Internal 
  Rimbaud-B
  Secret Society: None
  Mutation: Hypersenses
  Rimbaud-B is a genius at cookery 
  but his true gift is for self-promotion. 
  Any two-bit chef can turn out 
  wondrous food but it takes a real 
  master to storm off in the middle 
  of dinner, shouting about how 
  no-one appreciates his genius 
  and his staff are incompetent and 
  that he might as well be shovelling 
  out plates of vatslime for all the 
  work he does. Remember, if you’re 
  obnoxious and bad-tempered, 
  people assume you must be worth 
  all the fuss.
  R i m b a u d - B :  A  Ty p i c a l 
  Interaction
  High Programmer: I’ll have the 
  steak.
  Rimbaud-B (spoken): Oui. 
  Rimbaud-B (unspoken but quite 
  discernable subtext): I despise 
  you. You are beneath my talents. 
  I would spit in your food but you 
  are such an uneducated bore you 
  could not notice the difference 
  in taste. If the sheer force of my 
  loathing could disintegrate you, 
  you would not exist. I hope you 
  choke on that napkin. 
  
  9
   JOY IN THE MORNINGCYCLE
  Security has failed to arrest him! You’ve got 
  to ﬁ nd him before he assassinates me!’
  The eccentric High Programmer demands 
  that the characters ﬁ nd Rimbaud-B and 
  terminate him immediately! Internal 
  Security is moving far too slowly for 
  his paranoid tastes, so he wants the 
  characters to step in and… resolve, for 
  values of resolve involving very slow 
  deaths, the traitor. If they do so, he’ll pay 
  them 10 Access. If they don’t do so, then 
  they’ve earned themselves an enemy for 
  life. Travers-U threatens that if Rimbaud-B 
  isn’t terminated promptly, he will use his 
  not inconsiderable inﬂ uence at PLC to 
  ensure the characters don’t get enough 
  Wakey-Wakey gas for their showcase 
  morningcycle. (If the characters’ plan 
  revolves around not using much Wakey-
  Wakey gas, then the GM should replace 
  this threat with another, more terrifying 
  one.)
  Observant High Programmers may have 
  noticed Travers-U’s stomach problems. If 
  questioned about this sensitive area, he 
  admits that his always-sensitive stomach 
  has become used to the ﬁ ne cooking of 
  the despicable arch-traitor Rimbaud-B 
  and he’s having trouble adjusting to life 
  without his chef. The return of Rimbaud-
  B, coupled with assurances that the chef 
  was never a treacherous assassin, can be 
  used to win Travers-U’s support.
  Even More Surprising & 
  Unlikely Heroism
  When one’s plan has, as step one, ‘create a 
  faction of unlikely terrorists who demand 
  gourmet food’, it’s hardly surprising that 
  you never reach step four, ‘bask in the 
  reﬂ ected glory of my new master chef, 
  who is completely loyal to me thanks 
  to my cunning machinations’, and 
  step ﬁ ve (‘mwhahahayumyumhaha’) is 
  completely out of reach. After ruminating 
  on this truism, the indefatigable 
  Watkyn-U launches another scheme 
  to win the loyalty of Rimbaud-B while 
  simultaneously proving his innocence 
  to The Computer. 
  This second plan makes the last plan look 
  like something Caesar might have come 
  up with on an off night. 
  The second plan works like this – a bunch 
  of Troubleshooters wander around the 
  sector. Whenever they see a BLUE citizen, 
  they whip out their lasers and wave 
  them around in a threatening fashion. 
  The BLUE citizen intercedes (and if the 
  BLUE seems unwilling to play his part 
  in this absurdist corridor theatre, the 
  Troubleshooters are under instructions 
  to force the issue). Now, as soon as the 
  BLUE citizen gets involved, one of the 
  Troubleshooters surreptitiously* scans 
  the BLUE’s tongueprint tattoo**. If it’s 
  not Rimbaud-B, the Troubleshooter Team 
  Leader orders his men to stand down 
  and hands the BLUE a nice certiﬁ cate 
  thanking him for his participation in 
  this Troubleshooter Training Mission, as 
  well as a free can of B3. The certiﬁ cate 
  points out that the whole scene was a 
  staged training mission, no-one was in 
  any danger or committed any treasons 
  whatsoever. 
  If the Troubleshooters are unlucky 
  enough to find Rimbaud-B, then the 
  scene plays out slightly differently. The 
  team are under instructions to surrender 
  to Rimbaud-B and claim they were led 
  astray by traitors but that his shining 
  example of both loyalty and culinary 
  skills redeemed them – will he please 
  bring them to the nearest confession 
  booth?
  So, every BLUE citizen in the sector is 
  going to get accosted by roving bands 
  of Troubleshooters… and there are two 
  BLUEs in the Situation Room right now, 
  Anton-B and Benjy-B…
  Read the following to the players:
  ‘Sirs, we have a team of Troubleshooters 
  approaching the perimeter of the secure 
  area. They’ve asked for a temporary 
  Clearance waiver so they can complete 
  some training mission or something. 
  Should I warm up the disintegrators?’ The 
  security goon points to another surveillance 
  monitor, where you see half-a-dozen RED 
  Clearance Troubleshooters hovering on the 
  edge of the VIOLET Clearance entrance to 
  the Situation Room.
  Knowing the players, they’ll probably 
  zap a few teams out of sheer spite before 
  letting one in out of curiosity. They could 
  also question a team via intercom. If 
  they do let a Troubleshooter team in, 
  then the Troubleshooters mug Anton-B 
  as best they can when standing in a 
  VIOLET Clearance room with more laser 
  emplacements than a battleship. 
  The main clue in this scene is the 
  certiﬁ cate given by the Troubleshooters 
  on completion of the ‘training exercise’. 
  It’s signed by High Programmer Watkyn-
  U himself. 
  (If the characters have managed to 
  lure Rimbaud-B to the Situation Room 
  or some other secure location, he’ll 
  eventually be inconvenienced by the 
  Troubleshooters. It’s up to the characters 
  to deal with this however they see ﬁ t.)
  The Watkyn Ultimatum
  Meanwhile, rival High Programmer 
  Watkyn-U also wants Rimbaud-B. If 
  his previous two schemes failed, he 
  contacts the Situation Room for a 
  little chat with the High Programmers 
  on duty. If the characters can secure 
  Rimbaud-B and deliver the chef to them, 
  he can deal with any outstanding arrest 
  warrants or accusations of treachery 
  and he’ll pay 10 Access for their help. If 
  they don’t hand Rimbaud-B over to his 
  tender ministrations, there will be no 
  repercussions whatsoever. Not a one. 
  He certainly won’t, say, sabotage their 
  morningscycle showcase and make 
  them look bad in front of The Computer. 
  He would never, ever, ever schedule 
  a parade of Armed Forces tankbots 
  down the same corridor where 1,000 
  sleepy clones are doing callisthenics or 
  anything. That would be treasonous. So 
  he won’t do that. Understand?
  3. Joy In The Morningcycle
  Summary: The Computer comes calling 
  to check on progress.
  By this point in the scenario, it’s only 
  an hour or so before the start of 
  Morningcycle. If the characters haven’t 
  ﬁ nalised their plans for the morning, they 
  should do so immediately.
  *: That’s what the mission brieﬁ ng said. Are you questioning the sanity of the brieﬁ ng ofﬁ cer?
  **: Just in case Rimbaud-B is in disguise or under an assumed name.
  
  10
  PARANOIA: None of this is my fault
  NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT
  Peripheral Terror
  ‘Sir, we have Dr. Terry-V from Research & 
  Development approaching the Situation 
  Room. She says that she’s here to install 
  some new computer peripheral. I-‘
  The security guard is interrupted by Your 
  Friend, The Computer.
  ‘Everything is under control, Programmers. 
  Allow Dr. Terry-V-XCS-5 to install the new 
  peripheral units.’
  The door to the Situation Room opens and 
  Terry-V marches in, followed by a swarm 
  of technicians. They rapidly assemble and 
  connect two strange-looking bots. The ﬁ rst 
  resembles a standard humanoid jackobot 
  but instead of a head it’s got a thick black 
  cable that’s plugged directly into the 
  CompNode. 
  The other bot’s even weirder. It’s a big 
  black box on four stumpy legs. Terry-V runs 
  it through a test sequence and the box 
  yawns, revealing a long red tongue and 
  two rows of huge white teeth. Each tooth 
  is the size of your palm. 
  ‘Peripherals on-line, Computer’ reports 
  Terry-V. 
  ‘Thank you, citizen. High Programmers – as 
  part of the new Central Processing Quality 
  Assurance Initiative, aspects of the revised 
  morningcycle routine designed by your 
  committee will now be directly tested by 
  Your Friend, The Computer.
  Activating Callisthenics Peripheral. High 
  Programmers, please demonstrate the 
  proposed callisthenics routine.’
  The callisthenics peripheral is the headless 
  bot body. It’s basically a DanceBot. It will 
  boogie along to whatever ﬁ tness regime 
  the characters have proposed. Unlike frail 
  humans, though, the DanceBot is not 
  limited by muscle fatigue. It will continue 
  to bop long after you drop.
  The Computer wants one of the group 
  to demonstrate the new callisthenics 
  routine. The High Programmers could 
  order one of their ﬂ unkies or minions 
  to do so but The Computer appreciates 
  the personal touch. Who wants to 
  dance with The Computer? After the 
  ﬁ rst demonstration of the callisthenics 
  routine, The Computer offers helpful 
  advice and suggestions (more energy! 
  Higher jumps!) and expects the characters 
  to revise the routine immediately and 
  run through it again. And again. And 
  again. The DanceBot cannot be stopped, 
  it cannot be reasoned with. It knows only 
  the dance. 
  The Computer wants only the healthiest, 
  fittest citizens, so the DanceBot is 
  calibrated to match the peak of human 
  ﬁ tness. It wants a callisthenics routine 
  that will challenge it but any routine that 
  challenges a nuclear-powered robot will 
  kill the pale, lardy, drugged INFRAREDs 
  of Alpha Complex. Unless the characters 
  ﬁ nd a way to satisfy The Computer, they’ll 
  have to keep dancing or shovelling 
  corpses out of the corridors.  
  A Citizen of Taste is a Tasty 
  Citizen
  While their attention is focussed on the 
  DanceBot, the other peripheral activates. 
  It’s a big mouth on legs, designed to 
  allow The Computer to taste things. 
  Its codename is the Mobile Unit for 
  Nutritional analysis of CarboHydrates, 
  or MUNCH. It’s here to taste-test the 
  suggested breakfast cereal for the new 
  morningcycle. 
  The Computer’s never tasted anything 
  before. Not like this. 
  The MUNCH scuttles over to one of the 
  High Programmers and starts nibbling 
  on his robe. Unless the character 
  sacrifices the robe, the MUNCH will 
  consume both garment and wearer. 
  ‘Apologies, citizen’, says The Computer, 
  ‘the second peripheral activated ahead of 
  sche…bzzt…processing, please wait… 
  please wait… this interaction is important 
  to Alpha Complex, please wait…dule. 
  The peripheral is once again functioning 
  correctly. Bring it to breakfast.’
  The MUNCH wishes to snack on whatever 
  breakfast the characters proposed 
  for the lower Clearance citizens. After 
  sampling this breakfast, The Computer 
  sounds confused. ‘The peripheral requires 
  calibration. More foodstuffs must be 
  sampled. Feed the MUNCH.’ The MUNCH 
  starts by snacking on whatever food is 
  lying around the Situation Room but 
  that won’t keep it sated for long. It wants 
  more food, exotic food. If not given exotic 
  food, it will start snacking on people. 
  (‘Citizen, you have been reassigned to food 
  tasting duty. Please lie on the ﬂ oor and you 
  will be processed shortly.’)
  Good Morning, Alpha 
  Complex
  It all goes into action. All across the 
  sector, gas vents hiss merrily as they 
  pump xanitrick (Wakey-Wakey) gas into 
  the sleeping cubicles. Speakers crackle 
  into life to give The Computer’s morning 
  message. The stirring notes of the Alpha 
  Complex anthem echo down the dim 
  corridors…
  What happens at this point is up to 
  the preparations made by the High 
  Programmers. If they’ve got a workable 
  Morningcycle routine, then the sector 
  wakes up smoothly. If they don’t, 
  then they’ll rapidly be reassigned to 
  the Committee to Investigate The 
  Morningcycle Schedule Revision 
  Disaster…
  The MUNCH & Rimbaud-
  B
  If The Computer gets a taste of 
  Rimbaud-B’s cooking via the MUNCH, 
  it is completely overwhelmed by the 
  experience and demands that the 
  High Programmers 
  a) 
  provide more of Rimbaud-
  B’s cookery
  and
  b) put Rimbaud-B in charge of 
  the breakfastcycle menu. 
  The danger in both cases is the 
  B3 Surprise. This breakfast treat is 
  so mind-blowingly delicious, it’s a 
  clear and present danger to order 
  and sanity in Alpha Complex. If 
  The Computer is exposed to B3 
  Surprise via the MUNCH, it may 
  crash. If the breakfast is distributed 
  to the populace at large, expect 
  many megadeaths and widespread 
  rioting. Allowing B3 Surprise to be 
  weaponised in this manner will be 
  disastrous. 
  
  11
   JOY IN THE MORNINGCYCLE
  CPU/45/UV-772, Proposal for a Working Framework for Morningcycle Schedule Revision
  Current Schedule
  Time
  Activity
  Duration
  0600
  Reveille; Complementary Wakey-Wakey Gas  
  0.0.05
  0600
  A Morning Message From Your Friend, The Computer1
  0.0.55
  0601
  Alpha Complex Anthem
  0.5.00
  0606
  Dressing Time2
  0.14.00
  0620
  Uniform Inspection
  0.5.00
  0625
  Mandatory Callisthenics Fun3
  0.30
  0655
  Personal Hygiene/Waste Elimination/Medication
  0.20.00
  0715
  Personal Hygiene Inspection
  0.5.00
  0735
  Breakfastcycle4
  0.20.00
  0750
  Daily Brieﬁ ng5
  0.10.00
  0800
  Workcycle Begins
  —
  Total Time: 2.0.0
  1. Morning Message includes: Inspiring speeches, Hero of our Complex acknowledgements, Mandatory Purchase Advisories, burstday greetings and anti-Communism 
  messages. 
  2. Includes underwear dispensing from approved vending machines
  3. Variations: Bounce With Teela-O, Fun Fitness Fights Commies, R&D experimental direct muscle stimulation 
  4. INFRAREDs: CruncheTyme Algae Chips. REDs: CruncheTyme Algae Chips with REDberry
  5. Daily Brieﬁ ng varies by Service Group and assignment.
  Supplementary Information: 
   The current cost of the Morningcycle is 20 Access per daycycle. You must maintain or reduce this level of 
  expenditure.
   The current time of the Morningcycle is 2 hours 0 minutes 0 seconds (+/- 20%). You must maintain or reduce 
  this cycle duration. 
   The current happiness quotient of the Morningcycle is estimated at 73.44% satisfaction. You must maintain or 
  increase this quotient. 
   18 cans/Bouncy Bubble Beverage (Classic Flavour Only)
   One can/Bouncy Bubble Syrup 
   500 ml/Thymoglandin 
   250 ml/Helium Sulphate
   2,000 g/brown sugar
   Two dozen duck eggs
   Bose-Einstein Condensate of Trufﬂ e
   2kg plutonium
   Centrifuge rated at 2x106 revolutions/minute
  With these things, I shall make a greater breakfast than anyone has ever tasted. This, I promise! - R
  
  12
  PARANOIA: None of this is my fault
  NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT
  Armed Forces
  Drill Instructors
  RED 7 Access
  Intimidation, Assault
  Time: 0.30.0
  Right, you ‘orrible clones! 
  We’ll teach you to ﬁ ght 
  and die and die and die 
  and die and die and 
  die and die for Alpha 
  Complex.
  HPD&MC
  Fitness Program
  ORANGE 5 Access
  Time: 0.30.0
  A half-hour long ﬁ tness 
  program. Bounce for 
  health, citizens!
  IntSec 
  Random Morning 
  Interrogations
  ORANGE 5 Access
  Interrogation, 
  Intimidation
  Time: 0.58.0
  Jackbooted thugs for 
  your convenience
  Tech Services
  Automated Uniform 
  Deployment Booths
  INFRARED 5 Access
  Cuts time for dressing to 
  0.0.10. Rarely (1% chance) 
  results in serious injury. 
  Armed Forces
  Lots of Guns
  INFRARED  5 Access
  Assault +4
  Enough guns to arm 
  every citizen in Alpha 
  Complex. Keep your lasers 
  handy!
  HPD&MC
  Wakey-Wakey Drugs
  ORANGE 5 Access
  Pharmatherapy
  Wakes up all the citizens 
  using happy fun gas.
  IntSec
  Bathroom Spies
  RED 3 Access
  Investigation
  Internal Security is 
  watching you.
  Tech Services
  New Public Access 
  System
  YELLOW 10 Access
  Communication, 
  Subliminal Messaging
  A brand new public address 
  system. 
  CPU
  Daily Schedule 
  Initiative
  RED 5 Access 
  Thought Survey
  Time: 1.14.00
  Surveys the habits and 
  plans of every citizen. 
  PLC
  Crunchy-Tyme Algae 
  Chips For All!
  INFRARED 3 Access
  Technically counts as 
  nutrition. Not for use by 
  citizens above YELLOW.
  R&D
  Experimental Muscle 
  Stimulation Therapy
  INFRARED 10 Access
  Time: 0.0.30
  All the effects of a full 
  workout in 30 seconds! 
  Uses a lot of electricity.
  Power Services
  New Reactor
  RED 10 Access
  Nuclear Engineering
  A new nuclear reactor to 
  cope with the Morningcycle 
  rush.
  CPU
  Daily Schedule 
  Initiative Checkers
  RED 5 Access 
  Paperwork
  Actually processes the 
  results of the Daily 
  Schedule Initiative.
  PLC
  VitaYum WakeyChow 
  For All!
  INFRARED 8 Access
  Delicious, sugar-coated 
  stimulants.
  R&D
  Little BLACK pills
  INFRARED 5 Access
  May reduce the 
  incidence of psychosis. 
  Power Services
  Power Conservation 
  Inspectors
  RED 5 Access
  Habitat Engineering
  Tracks and reports on 
  the power usage of other 
  citizens.
  
  13
  THE ICEMAN RETURNETH (AGAIN)
  The Iceman Returneth (again)
  They say old High Programmers never 
  die, they just fade away. Replicative 
  fading is a horrible, horrible way to go; 
  each clone is worse than the one before 
  as the template degrades. You start out 
  as a Secret Master of Alpha Complex and 
  end up not even Master of your Bowel 
  Movements.
  Not all High Programmers end up like 
  that. Take, for example, Clem Unger. He 
  was one of the original support staff 
  working on The Computer, back in the 
  Old Reckoning days when the computer 
  was just a municipal mainframe and 
  wasn’t even capitalised. He wasn’t really 
  a High Programmer but he had root 
  access to the Computer’s systems and 
  never logged off. Through a series of 
  frankly implausible events, Clem Unger 
  was cryogenically frozen and ended up 
  in storage, where he remains, allegedly, 
  to this very daycycle.
  And as a cautionary tale, consider Kevin-
  U. Or, more accurately, the late Kevin-U, 
  once a respected High Programmer, now 
  executed for treason and sedition. He 
  was found guilty of conspiring against 
  The Computer and plotting to hand 
  over state secrets to a secret conspiracy, 
  codenamed the Gang of Fourteen 
  and a Half. The Gang of Fourteen and 
  a Half are a cabal of Romantic and 
  Humanist sympathisers, dedicated to 
  the overthrow of The Computer and 
  a return to Old Reckoning ways (less 
  terminations, no mandatory happiness, 
  just them in charge).
  During the final assault on Kevin-U’s 
  hidden fortress, Armed Forces strike 
  teams discovered an ancient vault 
  underneath. That vault has yet to be 
  explored but its contents must be 
  secured and catalogued before the 
  surviving members of the Gang of 
  Fourteen and a Half can regroup. As 
  the contents of the vault are potentially 
  treasonous, this recovery operation will 
  be personally overseen by a committee 
  of High Programmers.
  Mission Background
  Ever since Kevin-U’s betrayal, trial, 
  execution, execution, execution and 
  for good measure execution, The 
  Computer’s been extra paranoid. If one 
  High Programmer is a traitor, all the rest 
  are equally suspect. A round of loyalty 
  tests is in order. 
  Clem Unger is still in deep storage. The 
  Computer’s plan is to plant the frozen 
  Unger in Kevin-U’s vault, where it will be 
  found by the PCs. Their reaction to Unger’s 
  outmoded beliefs will prove whether or 
  not they’re a Gang of Fourteen and a 
  Half sympathisers. Without knowing it, 
  the High Programmers have to prove 
  their devotion to The Computer and the 
  superiority of The Computer’s methods. 
  1. We Never Leave 
  Things Buried
  Summary: The High Programmers are 
  ordered to deal with the aftermath of 
  the recent coup attempt – they’ve got 
  to clear up the evidence and investigate 
  the mysterious vault underneath Kevin-
  U’s lair.
  Mission Brieﬁ ng
  You’ve been waiting for this briefing 
  for a while. Four days ago, renegade 
  High Programmer Kevin-U went to war 
  
  14
  PARANOIA: None of this is my fault
  NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT
  against Alpha Complex. According to all 
  the available information, Kevin-U was 
  defeated and his hidden fortress captured 
  by the heroic Armed Forces of Alpha 
  Complex – but of course they’d say that 
  no matter what happened. It’s been four 
  days of quiet paranoia since then and not 
  even ULTRAVIOLET Clearance gets you all 
  the answers. 
  ‘Attention, High Programmers. You are 
  now assigned to the Committee for Public 
  Safety, YNC Subcommittee. Your assigned 
  tasks are as follows:
  1) 
  Erase all data relating to ex-
  citizen Kevin-U-MCP below 
  INDIGO Clearance.
  2) 
  Erase all data relating to recent 
  military action in MCP Sector 
  below BLUE Clearance.
  3) 
  Investigate the secure vault at Grid 
  Co-ordinates MCP/454/331.
  4) 
  Recover any useful items from the 
  vault.
  5) 
  Find evidence of WMDs at the 
  vault.
  6) 
  Destroy any treasonous material 
  in the vault.
  Proceed immediately to the Situation 
  Room to begin your mission.’
  Directives & Secret Society 
  Missions #1
  As usual, every lobbyist, special interest 
  group, conspiracy and weirdo in Alpha 
  Complex has their own take on the 
  situation.
   Armed Forces: The heroic sacriﬁ ce 
  of the troops who died taking Kevin-
  U’s fortress must not be forgotten! 
  Ensure all of Alpha Complex knows 
  of their glorious deeds!
   CPU: There’s an awful lot of 
  paperwork to ﬁ ll out that relates to 
  the Kevin-U incident and the Gang 
  of Fourteen and a Half – they’re 
  Kevin-U’s co-conspirators, by the 
  way, so look out for them. Anyway, 
  that mountain of paperwork – if 
  you reclassify the whole incident as 
  INDIGO, it means only a handful of 
  our clerks have the Clearance to deal 
  with it and it’ll all take decades to 
  process. Either classify the absolute 
  minimum, or promote more ﬁ ling 
  clerks to INDIGO. 
   HPD&MC: Look, there was a bit of a 
  ﬁ ling error a few weeks ago and we 
  accidentally created ofﬁ cial records 
  for 130,556 citizens, all of whom are 
  called Bob-R-ABC. None of the Bobs 
  actually exist, apart from Bob-R-ABC-
  2. Trouble is, we can’t delete those 
  records without a valid termination 
  certificate and we can’t get that 
  without killing ‘em, and we can’t do 
  that ‘cos they don’t exist… but you’re 
  on the Kevin-U cleanup committee. 
  If you add all the Bobs to the ofﬁ cial 
  record as civilian casualties, that 
  would be awesome. 
   PLC: We’ve got a lot of Kevin-U 
  commemorative plates, keychains 
  and t-shirts that just switched from 
  being sought-after collectibles to 
  treasonous propaganda. Find a way 
  for us to get rid of them without 
  being spotted by IntSec.
   R&D: A vault full of mysterious 
  artefacts and weird science! That 
  sounds like our territory! R&D must 
  be in charge of the vault opening.
   IntSec: Kevin-U was involved with 
  a conspiracy called the Gang of 
  Fourteen and a Half. There may be 
  more members of this conspiracy 
  still at large. Find them. Oh, rumour 
  The Gang of Fourteen And A Half
  This traitorous conspiracy consists of 14 senior members, led by Kevin-U. Members are referred to by number – Kevin-
  U is Number One and so on. The conspiracy meets every few months to mutter about overthrowing The Computer. 
  Not all the members are committed traitors – some are just using the Gang the same way they’d use any other Secret 
  Society.
  Before the game begins – ideally, several game sessions prior to running this mission – approach each player secretly 
  and offer them a chance to participate in this treasonous conspiracy. Those who accept this offer gain 15 Access. If no 
  one accepts the offer, then your players aren’t in the PARANOIA mindset – increase the Access bonus and try again. 
  They’re also traitors and may be exposed over the course of this mission but them’s the breaks, kiddo.
  They don’t know who the other members of the Gang are – meetings were conducted in secret, wearing disguises and 
  everyone referred to the others by name. And no, they don’t know where the ‘half’ came from.
  The Dark Half
  The ‘and a Half’ part of the conspiracy’s title comes from Cyrus-X, one of the few uncleared clones in Alpha Complex. 
  He’s a midget – and in The Computer’s deranged data banks, that makes him a mutant. Cyrus-X should have been 
  terminated at a young age but he managed to escape into the Underplex and grew up as a feral child, scavenging 
  food from vending machines and surviving in the interstitial spaces of Alpha Complex. He lives in the crawlspaces 
  and the access tubes, in the vents and tubes. No one’s better at hiding in Alpha Complex than Cyrus-X. He hates The 
  Computer for rejecting him.
  Kevin-U recruited Cyrus-X years ago as a messenger and assassin. Now that Kevin-U’s toast, Cyrus-X is off the leash 
  and looking for revenge...
  
  15
  THE ICEMAN RETURNETH (AGAIN)
  has it that The Computer’s really 
  worried about the loyalty of some 
  people on your committee. Co-
  incidence? There’s no such thing, 
  only cleverly hidden collusion.
   Tech Services: Underground 
  retrieval and investigation is clearly 
  a Technical Services job. Make sure 
  we’re the ones who get to open the 
  vault.
   Power Services: The vault is a 
  disused Power Services tunnel! (at 
  least, that’s what our records say). 
  We want to be the ones overseeing 
  the vault opening.
  Anti-Mutant: The vault’s full of death 
  traps. Send the registered mutants in.
  C.L.A: Rumour has it that Kevin-U had an 
  experimental doomsday device in the 
  vault. Find it. Use it to destroy the minions 
  of the Commie Computer.
  Clone Arrangers: Kevin-U had a contract 
  with us. We’ll be decanting a replacement 
  Kevin-U pretty soon. We need you to get 
  him to safety.
  Computer Phreaks: Kevin-U’s personal 
  ﬁ les and databases, pls. Thx. 
  FCCC-P: Kevin-U was a heretic! Don’t 
  cover up his treasonous deeds – make 
  sure everyone knows them, but also 
  knows the punishments for treason! 
  Make him a cautionary example! For yea, 
  as the Revised ORANGE Clearance bible 
  clearly says, ‘He that treasoneth against 
  The Divine Computer shall be cast into 
  a termination booth of ﬁ re, or acid, or 
  something equally unpleasant. This is 
  the output of The Computer.’
  Frankenstein Destroyers: Kevin-U 
  had lots of abominable bots in his vault 
  and Alpha Complex has lots of horrible 
  machines too. Pit the bots against each 
  other! Make the machines destroy 
  themselves! It’s our only hope. 
  Free Enterprise: Kevin-U’s vault, eh? 
  There’s probably lots of expensive stuff 
  in there – a lot more than two empty gin 
  bottles, anyway. Loot the place and give 
  us the pick of the treasure.
  Pro Tech: Kevin-U was working on some 
  new high-tech gadget before he was 
  caught. If the plans or prototype is in the 
  vault, we need them.
  PURGE: Here is a powerful explosive 
  device. Send as many valuable and 
  important Alpha Complex assets to the 
  vault as possible, then have an agent 
  detonate the bomb, collapsing the vault 
  on top of them.
  Romantics: Kevin-U was one of our 
  patrons! Find his collection of antiques 
  and deliver it to us!
  Servants of Cthulhu: Our dark masters 
  whisper at us from the dead stars, telling 
  us that Kevin-U wrought something 
  Sierra Club: Getting to Kevin-U’s requires 
  a trip Outdoors. Send as many people as 
  you can Outdoors so they’ll experience 
  the wonder of nature ﬁ rst-hand!
  Access Budget
  The Access Budget for this mission is 25 
  Access.
  Friend Computer’s Got A 
  List
  The High Programmers have a nice 
  long list of things to do. They’ve got to 
  cover-up the recent war with Kevin-U 
  and they’ve got to investigate the vault. 
  They’ll also have to appear on a TV show 
  and deal with a defrosted Old Reckoning 
  programmer but they don’t know that 
  yet. The main fun of the scenario comes 
  when Clem Unger is defrosted, so you 
  want the players to be digging stuff out 
  of the vault by about a third of the way 
  through the game. If the players are the 
  sort of linear-minded bureaucrats who 
  do everything in order, then have The 
  Computer poke them about the vault 
  before they’re done with the cover-up. 
  2. Covering Up Is 
  Hard To Do
  At the Situation Room, a pair of IntSec 
  agents are busily clearing out Kevin-
  U’s locker and placing everything 
  into individual plastic evidence bags. 
  They’re down to individual dust motes 
  and skin flakes. One of them shrieks as 
  High Programmer [insert a PC’s name 
  here] goes past. ‘Aaaagh! I mean, High 
  Programmer sir, that I’m really really happy 
  that your robe brushed against my arm 
  causing me to drop this crucial evidence! 
  It, er, gives me a chance to practice my 
  forensic skills. Thank you, sir!’
  The Computer monitor lights up. The 
  camera and its under-slung laser cannon 
  focuses on the two IntSec troopers. ‘Good 
  work, citizens. Be sure to erase all physical 
  traces of the hated traitor, Kevin-U! Erase 
  everything!’
  ‘Friend Computer,’ says one of the IntSec 
  agents, ‘we’ve completed our task. 
  Everything of Kevin-U has been collected.’
  ‘Excellent, citizen. Please report for 
  termination immediately.’
  ‘Computer, I–’
  ‘Citizen, you have been exposed to 
  Viral Thought Patterns and treasonous 
  influences well beyond your Security 
  Clearance. This termination is for your 
  own good. Rest assured that your clone 
  templates will be heavily edited to ensure 
  your future selves are perfectly loyal. Please 
  report for termination immediately.’
  ‘I–’
  Zapzapzap. 
  The laser swings towards you. ‘High 
  Programmers! A preliminary survey team 
  has completed a preliminary survey. 
  Please refer to the document now printing. 
  Erase this document when your task is 
  complete. The preliminary survey team has 
  already been erased. Thank you for your 
  co-operation.’ 
  ****************************************
  ****************************************
  **************************************
  Give the players a copy of Handout #1, 
  The Incident Record. Everything on that 
  list needs to be covered up. The easiest 
  way to approach most of these problems 
  is with the Cleanup specialty, but that’s 
  going to get expensive quickly. The 
  characters either need to erase evidence, 
  provide an alternate explanation, or 
  promote those involved to BLUE or 
  INDIGO clearance. For example, the 
  troop movements could be dealt 
  with by sending in some Archives 
  Department clerks to erase all the 
  records, or the characters could create a 
  cover story about Commies in the trees 
  
  16
  PARANOIA: None of this is my fault
  NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT
  and falsify some evidence with Media 
  Manipulation to support this story.
  Most of the items on the list can be dealt 
  with easily (bearing in mind that player 
  characters can overcomplicate making a 
  cup of tea into a task worthy of Hercules), 
  but there are a few tricky cover-ups. 
  Kevin-U & The Transbot: The incident 
  report is based on the testimony of 
  a bunch of Troubleshooters. Do you 
  trust the reliability of Troubleshooters? 
  Some Interrogation might get a more 
  accurate account of what went on, or 
  they could use Thought Survey to ﬁ nd 
  out what people believe.
  The Cafeteria Incident: Is the result of 
  a computer error, and has nothing to do 
  with the rest of the mission. 
  Kevin-U’s Fortress: It needs to be erased. 
  It’s a giant concrete and steel death 
  fortress built on the outskirts of Alpha 
  Complex. How do you hide something 
  like that? Well, ok, there’s always the Total 
  War option.
  Once the characters have made a start 
  on the cover-up, make sure they start 
  investigating the vault. 
  3. The Vault
  Drug hallucinations are a common 
  problem in Alpha Complex. Sometimes, 
  you even have shared hallucinations, 
  and this one was a doozy. For a moment 
  there, it felt like you were all in a horribly 
  clichéd fantasy inn, and in the corner 
  was a strange hooded old man. ‘Know ye, 
  adventurers, that in the dungeons of the 
  evil sorcerer Kevin-U dwell horrors beyond 
  imagining. Yea, and only those doughty 
  men well-armed with sharp sword and 
  sturdy shield and, aye, wit aplenty will pass 
  yon dread portal and survive.’
  So, who are you sending into the vault?
  There are a few obvious choices for minion 
  here, like PLC’s Vault Recovery Teams or 
  IntSec’s Secure Security Checkpoint 
  Checkers. Remind the players that 
  they’ll need to arrange either transport 
  to the Vault, or else send someone with 
  Outdoors Operations to escort their 
  chosen Minions.
  The vault is defended by multiple layered 
  security systems. Worse yet, it’s full of 
  very treasonous, hazardous or high-
  clearance stuff, so the Minions have to 
  be guided through the Vault by the High 
  Programmers.
  Once they’ve picked a few Minions, 
  divide the players into two roughly 
  equal groups. One group is going to stay 
  playing their High Programmers. The 
  second group get to play the Minions 
  who are being sent in to investigate 
  the Vault. This second group will be 
  collectively referred to as the Vault 
  Investigative Cross-group Team for 
  Immediate Mobilisation, or VICTIMS for 
  short.
  The second set are going to die, 
  repeatedly and horribly, until either you 
  or, less likely, the ﬁ rst group tire of this 
  endless torture.
  Ideally, this scene should go something 
  like this:
  Gamemaster: You see a big steel door. 
  There’s a sign on it saying ‘DANGER 
  – ELECTRIFIED’
  Victim: Er, what should we do, sir?
  High Programmer: Examine the wires 
  connected to the door and send me a 
  video feed.
  Victim: Yes sir.
  Gamemaster: (whispered to the High 
  Programmer) Ok, with your awesome 
  technical skills, you can see there are two 
  ways to disarm this trap. You could walk 
  them through the slow, tedious process 
  of disconnecting the power supply from 
  the secure door, or you could discharge 
  the capacitors.
  High Programmer: (whispered) Gotcha. 
  (To the Victim) It’s ﬁ ne, open the door.
  Victim: I really don’t want to, sir. It says 
  it’s electriﬁ ed.
  High Programmer: He’s probably 
  blufﬁ ng.
  Victim: There’s a loud humming noise 
  and a smell of ozone and all the hairs on 
  my body are standing upright.
  High Programmer: Are you some sort 
  of hair controlling mutant?
  Victim: No sir!
  High Programmer: Then hurry up and 
  touch the damn door.
  Victim: I… have a really strong allergy to 
  doors, especially ones that hum and are 
  marked ‘electriﬁ ed’.
  High Programmer: Minion #2?
  Another Victim: Yessir?
  High Programmer: Shove him through 
  the door.
  Another Victim: Right away sir!
  Victim: Aaaaaaag… wait, hold on a sec. 
  I’m assuming that the door fries me, 
  but – 
  Gamemaster: No, quite right. You’re 
  very dead.
  V i c t i m :  
  T h o u g h t  
  s o . 
  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.
  High Programmer: How long will his 
  next clone take to arrive?
  Gamemaster: A few minutes. By the way, 
  his camera survived the unfortunate 
  incident, and you can see that the door 
  capacitors are only half charged now.
  High Programmer: Excellent. Minion #2, 
  I’ve got a job for you…
  Brieﬁ ng The Victims
  Take the Victims aside and paraphrase 
  the following in your own words. Or 
  read it to them straight. Or do it through 
  interpretive dance, or do a little slideshow. 
  Any way you get the information across, 
  short of physically engraving each word 
  onto the side of a bullet and shooting 
  your players, is ﬁ ne with us Famous Game 
  Designers. 
  Actually, the bullet idea isn’t a bad one for 
  some particular clueless players.
  Anyway, where were we?
  Congratulations, lucky players! You won’t 
  be playing your High Programmers in this 
  scene. Instead, you’re playing the lower-
  clearance Minions sent out to investigate 
  the vault under Kevin-U’s fortress. You 
  will be in radio contact with the other 
  High Programmers at all times, and must 
  obey their orders. Failure to obey orders 
  is treason. You may wish to misinterpret, 
  deliberately screw up or undermine their 
  orders.
  Each of you should come up with a 
  temporary character who’s part of the 
  Minions sent to the vault. You’ll need a 
  name, security clearance, job title and 
  some vague sketch of a personality. You 
  may or may not be a traitor – it’s up to 
  you – but remember, your honest efforts 
  will only end up helping your rival High 
  Programmers. It’s even possible that your 
  temporary character just happens to be a 
  subversive agent of your regular PC… 
  If they ask where their High Programmers 
  are, tell them they’ve been called off 
  for an urgent conference with The 
  
  17
  THE ICEMAN RETURNETH (AGAIN)
  Computer.
  Brieﬁ ng The High 
  Programmers
  While the Victims are coming up with 
  their temporary characters, brief the 
  High Programmers on their next task.
  Attention High Programmers! You will be 
  guiding the selected Minions through the 
  dangerous vaults of Kevin-U. You will be in 
  constant radio contact with them, and they 
  will rely on your wisdom and judgement 
  to navigate the various traps and other 
  hazards awaiting them. The Computer 
  requests that you do not abuse them too 
  much. The Computer also reminds you that 
  many of the items in Kevin-U’s vault may be 
  treasonous or above the security clearance 
  of your selected Minions. Please ensure 
  that proper security clearance procedures 
  are observed at all times. Exposure to 
  information about your security clearance 
  is treason.
  Once both sides are ready, it’s off to the 
  Vault.
  Getting There Is Half The 
  Fun
  The chosen Minions zoom out of Alpha 
  Complex and into the wild Outdoors. 
  There once was a direct route between 
  the main body of the complex and 
  Kevin-U’s lair, but it got blown up when 
  the High Programmer went rogue. Now, 
  they’ve got to cross several kilometres 
  of wilderness to get there. Does anyone 
  have an appropriate Transport or 
  Outdoors Operations specialty?
  With a successful skill check, the victims 
  successfully make their way from A to B, 
  where A is the exit from Alpha Complex 
  and B is Kevin-U’s lair. On a failed check, 
  they get lost and end up at point C. Lots 
  of interesting things begin with the 
  letter ‘C’. Cannibalism, for example. Or 
  Carnivorous Plants. Or Chasms to Fall 
  Into. Or Cyclosporiasis. 
  Lost Minions should call the High 
  Programmers for advice on dealing 
  with these and other potential hazards, 
  such as:
   The vehicle’s stuck in the mud.
   There could be Commies in the trees. 
  All the instructional videos warned 
  that there are Commies Outdoors.
   Aaagh! The light’s gone out! The 
  big central light of Outdoors just 
  went behind the big rocky thing 
  in the distance, and now there’s 
  no light other than some sort of 
  pinpoint emergency lighting and 
  it’s completely useless! We’re lost.
   We’re out of food/fuel/napkins/Vault 
  grease.
  Knock Knock Knocking
  The Victims arrive at Kevin-U’s fortress 
  (or the ruins of it, or whatever the 
  PCs decided to do with the place – 
  remember, it was declared an unplace 
  by The Computer earlier in the mission). 
  The Vault’s located under the fortress, 
  so the Victims may need to shield their 
  eyes (lest they see a non-existent giant 
  fortress) or dig through the rubble to get 
  to the access tunnel.
  The entrance to the Vault is located at 
  the end of a concrete-lined tunnel that 
  slopes down very steeply. Getting down 
  the ramp is easy enough, as long as you 
  pay due care and attention and follow 
  the guidelines in HPD&MC’s popular 
  pamphlet Safely Traversing Steep Inclines 
  (other than inclines not rated for human 
  access), A Citizen’s Friendly Guide (full 
  comprehension of this material is needed 
  before applying for Advanced Personal 
  Mobility Certiﬁ cation, Level 2), Part I – Going 
  Down; getting up the ramp at any sort of 
  speed is a lot harder, and deﬁ nitely not 
  to be attempted without ﬁ rst consulting 
  Safely Traversing Steep Inclines (other than 
  inclines not rated for human access), A 
  Citizen’s Friendly Guide (full comprehension 
  of this material is needed before applying for 
  Advanced Personal Mobility Certiﬁ cation, 
  Level 2), Part II – Going Up, and that one’s 
  still in committee. At the bottom of the 
  shaft is a really, really, really big door. 
  You know the sort – armoured to some 
  ludicrous level of protection, driven by 
  these gigantic throbbing pistons that 
  evoke strange thoughts even through 
  the fog of hormone suppressants, the 
  sort of doors that only open when the 
  Imperial March from Star Wars is playing. 
  Biiiiiig door. 
  It’s also closed. The lock consists of a face 
  recognition system – you stick your head 
  into this little hole in the door, and lasers 
  There’s Something Out There
  As the Victims travel to the Vault and, well, die horribly in there, they will occasionally spot movement – a FlyBot in the 
  distance, something creeping in the shadows, an access hatch left swinging and so on. There’s someone – or something 
  – in the Vault with them. 
  The Something is an elite squad of Vulture Squadron Warriors using experimental stealth suits. They’re carrying the 
  frozen pod containing Clem Unger, so the Victims can ‘ﬁ nd’ it in the Vault. There’s no way for the Victims or the High 
  Programmers to ﬁ nd these Vulture Warriors before the Clemsicle is planted, but the occasional glimpse of things in the 
  darkness should nicely boost the paranoia levels.
  There’s Something Else Out There
  The Something Else is Cyrus-X, Kevin-U’s midget assassin. He’s stalking the Vulture Squadron Warriors. The Vultures 
  are getting very paranoid and jumpy as they occasionally glimpse a tiny cackling ﬁ gure with an alarmingly big knife 
  zipping through the shadow, but they can’t catch Cyrus-X.
  Cyrus-X doesn’t do anything yet, but he’ll show up again for the climax of the mission. 
  
  18
  PARANOIA: None of this is my fault
  NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT
  scan ever inch of your skull and compare 
  it to the records. If there’s a match, the 
  door opens. Otherwise, another laser 
  performs a very thorough test of your 
  neck’s resistance to being sliced apart. 
  Hacking or Security Systems might be 
  able to disable the facial recognition bit, 
  but someone will still have to stick their 
  head into the hole to see if it worked. 
  It would take an awful lot of ﬁ repower 
  to open the door, but a few well placed 
  Demolition charges could send it 
  toppling forward. Of course, anyone 
  setting the charges would have to 
  quickly traverse that steep incline before 
  they’re splattered…
  Clever players will get The Computer 
  to clone one of Kevin-U’s terminated 
  followers and send him out to open the 
  vault for them. If they pick this option, 
  but don’t use Cloning to tweak the 
  replacement’s personality to make him 
  more loyal, then the resurrected traitor 
  happily opens the vault. After all, there’s 
  a DoomBot inside.
  The DoomBot
  Every good dungeon needs a dragon, 
  and every good post-apocalyptic mad 
  scientist’s vault of doom needs one 
  too. Unfortunately, Kevin-U’s attempt 
  at breeding a giant flying lizard was 
  thwarted by vicious Intellectual Property 
  ninjalawyers from another Complex a 
  few hundred kilometres north of good 
  ol’ AC, so he had to make do with a 
  DoomBot instead.
  A DoomBot is a lot like a warbot, only 
  painted black and less polite. On the 
  far side of the room containing the 
  DoomBot is a door into the vault proper; 
  there’s also an access hatch on the right, 
  just inside the big door which is marked 
  ‘waste processing’.
  ‘Rargh’ says the DoomBot. ‘You are not 
  authorised users of this facility. Rargh.’ 
  Then it attacks with its serried ranks of 
  lasers and cannons and overkill beams 
  and kill-o-zap rays. It’s got an effective 
  Violence score of 13, by the way.
  Running away is an excellent idea – the 
  DoomBot can go up the ramp, but only 
  very, very slowly. The Victims have plenty 
  of time to come up with a strategy while 
  the DoomBot laboriously crawls up the 
  slope towards them. Possible tactics 
  include:
   The frontal assault, using Assault. 
  Truly, truly heroic.
   Calling in an artillery strike or 
  something from Alpha Complex. 
  Do we have orbital lasers? We should 
  have orbital lasers. Orbital lasers are 
  cool.
   Sneaking past the bot using 
  Infiltration, or finding another 
  way into the vault with Habitat 
  Engineering. 
   Distract the DoomBot somehow, 
  giving the Victims enough time to 
  make it into Waste Disposal.
  If the players stall for too long, then 
  the Vulture Squadron Warriors who are 
  escorting Clem get bored and blow 
  up the DoomBot with a handy stealth 
  tacnuke. It’s wonderful how putting 
  ‘stealth’ in front of anything makes it 
  invisible to the players. 
  Waste Disposal
  If the Victims went down this side 
  passage, they ﬁ nd themselves in a short 
  corridor filled with toxic sludge. The 
  sludge drips from vents in the ceiling 
  in what must be described as an eager 
  way. It’s weirdly enthusiastic sludge, as if 
  it really looks forward to the prospect of 
  drowning a few Victims.
  The short corridor takes a sharp left 
  and continues on for some distance. It’s 
  obvious that if you were to go down this 
  long corridor, you could bypass the giant 
  rampaging DoomBot entirely. There 
  is, however, a small complication – the 
  long corridor’s ﬂ ooded with toxic goop. 
  The further along it you go, the deeper 
  the sludge. At times like this, a good 
  citizen consults Technical Service’s rather 
  unpopular and little-loved pamphlet 
  So, You’ve Got To Work In Toxic Sludge All 
  Day – A Citizen’s Guide To Mutated Fungal 
  Growths And Parasites and reads the 
  section about swimming through drifts 
  of unidentiﬁ ed slime*.
  The only way to get through the slime 
  safely is to stand on someone else’s 
  shoulders. Those on top of the pile 
  will float serenely down the corridor 
  and reach their destination safely and 
  happily. Those at the bottom will endure 
  backbreaking labour up to, and quite 
  possibly beyond the point at which their 
  skin melts. There are all sorts of clever 
  specialties that could be used in this 
  situation, like Chemical Engineering 
  or Mutant Studies or Construction 
  – but do any of the Minions have such a 
  specialty? No? How unfortunate.
  Oh, and because no visit to a room full 
  of toxic sludge is complete without the 
  authentic trash compactor experience 
  – halfway down the corridor, the walls 
  start closing in.
  Kevin-U’s Archives
  The Victims make it past the DoomBot (or 
  the trash compactor) and ﬁ nd themselves 
  in Kevin-U’s secret archives. It’s stacked 
  ﬂ oor to ceiling with wonderful things. 
  It’s like being a kid in a candy store, if 
  the candy were six security levels above 
  your current clearance and/or highly 
  dangerous. 
  So, what’s in this archive?
  The Gang of Fourteen and a Half 
  Records: It looks like Kevin-U was a 
  conscientious, well-organised arch-
  traitor who kept careful notes on both 
  his evil scheme to overthrow Friend 
  Computer and the allies involved. Any 
  High Programmer who’s loyal to Friend 
  *: It’s a short section. It says ‘don’t.’**
  **: Unless ordered to do so by a higher-clearance citizen or Your Friend, The Computer. In such a situation, rest assured 
  that
  a) 
  The higher-clearance citizen or The Computer knows that the toxic sludge is actually harmless.
  b) The higher-clearance citizen or The Computer will provide adequate medical care or safety equipment.
  c) 
  The higher-clearance citizen or The Computer will note your heroic sacriﬁ ce.
   
  (delete as appropriate)
  
  19
  THE ICEMAN RETURNETH (AGAIN)
  Computer should want to get his hands 
  on this data. Anyone involved in the 
  Gang of Fourteen and a Half deﬁ nitely 
  wants these records. 
  Retrieving the data calls for Data 
  Retrieval, as they’re both encrypted and 
  extensive. If a High Programmer hands 
  the archives over to Internal Security, 
  it’s worth three Commendation Points. 
  If a High Programmer’s named in the 
  archives, that’s worth 10 Treason Points 
  at least.
  It would be remiss of us at this point 
  to fail to point out that the records 
  are written on paper and are highly 
  ﬂ ammable.
  Kevin-U’s Goldﬁ sh: Kevin-U kept two 
  goldﬁ sh. He called them Maurice and 
  Sean and he loved them very much. 
  None of the victims have ever seen a 
  goldﬁ sh before, or any kind of a ﬁ sh for 
  that matter, so to your average citizen 
  the scene looks like this:
  On a Perspex plinth, you find a small 
  globe of some sort of clear plastic. It’s 
  open at the top, and it’s ﬁ lled with some 
  sort of translucent substance. Inside, the 
  base of the globe is coated in a layer of 
  fragmented material and organic fronds. 
  Moving around, apparently at random, 
  are two small things. They’re yellowish 
  in colour, have no discernable limbs, and 
  seem to be ignoring you – wait, one of 
  them just moved up to the top of the globe 
  for a moment! It deﬁ nitely reacted to your 
  presence! You can’t tell, but you think it 
  might be angry! What do you do?
  Kevin-U’s Vacuum Cleaner: Another 
  prized relic of Old Reckoning times, 
  Kevin-U has a working vacuum cleaner. 
  A metal body connected by a ﬂ exible 
  hose to a metal nozzle, with a single on-
  off control. Perfectly harmless, although 
  worth something to the Romantics. 
  The Anti-Graviton Beam: A highly 
  dangerous gadget developed by Kevin-
  U, it consists of a metal body connected 
  by a ﬂ exible hose to a metal nozzle. When 
  activated by pressing the single on-off 
  switch, the device emits a beam of anti-
  gravitons. It doesn’t make things ﬂ oat: it’s 
  not an anti-gravity machine, it’s an anti-
  graviton machine. It reacts to gravitons 
  like matter reacts to antimatter.
  Fortunately for the universe, the beam 
  has a very short range, only affecting 
  items within a few centimetres of the 
  end of the nozzle. When turned on, the 
  machine makes a howling noise (very 
  like a vacuum cleaner) as air molecules 
  are annihilated by the anti-graviton 
  beam. The damage the device does is 
  proportional to the density of the object 
  it’s used on (more density means more 
  gravitons to interact explosively with the 
  anti-gravitons, of course).
  Kevin-U’s Tea Set: An antique tea set 
  made of china. Incredibly valuable and 
  very very fragile. 
  Kevin-U’s ValetBot: A jackobot wearing 
  a dinner jacket. It’s down here for repairs, 
  as its bot brain is damaged. If activated, 
  the ValetBot insists on folding and 
  pressing all clothes within sight, even if 
  they’re currently being worn. The bot’s 
  immensely strong and fast. Nudity is the 
  only defence.
  Kevin-U’s Personal Notes: Lots of handy 
  information about Alpha Complex. In 
  game terms, it’s 10 Access in a handy 
  portable package.
  Clem On Ice
  At some point during the visit to the 
  Vault, the Vulture Warriors plant Clem’s 
  cryogenic suspension unit in a place 
  where the Victims will ﬁ nd it. Ideally, it’s 
  put at the back of the Archives room, but 
  they’ll settle for leaving it at the door and 
  running away before anyone sees it.
  When one of the Victims finds the 
  cryogenic pod, read the following:
  You ﬁ nd an old and battered cryofreeze 
  capsule. There’s a digital readout on it, 
  informing you that the defrost cycle has 
  started and will be complete in ten seconds. 
  Through the rapidly melting ice on the 
  viewport, you can make out the features 
  of a spindly-limbed ﬁ gure wearing a very 
  strange uniform.
  The door swings open, and the stranger 
  from the distant past steps out. ‘Hi’, he says, 
  ‘I’m going to fall down now, ok?’ 
  He does so.
  Over all your coms – and over the speakers 
  in the Situation Room – The Computer cuts 
  in. ‘ATTENTION CITIZENS! NEW SUPERUSER 
  ONLINE. UPDATING PERMISSIONS AND 
  APPLYING PATCHES…. INTEGRATING 
  WITH CURRENT SYSTEMS… LEGACY 
  SUPPORT ACTIVE… CITIZEN CLEM-U-NGR 
  RECOGNISED. 
  PROTECT CITIZEN CLEM-U-NGR. 
  ESCORT HIM TO THE SITUATION ROOM 
  IMMEDIATELY. PRIORITY ALPHA PLUS PLUS 
  PLUS!!! A VULTURE SQUADRON UNIT HAS 
  BEEN DEPLOYED TO ASSIST.’
  The Vultures are already on the scene, so 
  they’ll pop out after a minute or two and 
  pretend they just arrived.
  4. Welcome On Board
  Clem-U’s whisked back to Alpha Complex, 
  scrubbed by scrubbots and given a 
  shiny new white robe, as befits one 
  of ULTRAVIOLET clearance. He’s also 
  handed a copy of the Alpha Complex 
  Orientation Handbook (214 Revision, a 
  mere 16,332 pages long, not including 
  the appendices) and shipped off to the 
  Situation Room. He has no idea what’s 
  going on.
  Clem-U is the primary Non-Player 
  Character for the second half of this 
  mission, so let’s get to know him. Born 
  the old-fashioned way to loving parents 
  in Iowa, Clem Unger got a job as a mid-
  level programmer with the massive 
  transnational corporation responsible 
  for installing and maintaining the world-
  spanning Alpha computer network. Just 
  before the infamous asteroid that wiped 
  out Life As Clem Knew It was detected, 
  Clem Unger was installing a new heuristic 
  decision-making module into the San 
  Francisco Civil Amenities Monitor – one 
  of the computer systems that would 
  soon be known with big capital letters. 
  Anyway, when the impending doom of 
  humanity was detected, the transnational 
  corporation responded by freezing its 
  legions of employees and storing them 
  in an abandoned mining complex deep 
  underground. The plan was that in 
  centuries to come, they would emerge 
  after all the lawsuits were abandoned 
  (they were also the company in charge 
  of running the planet’s Giant Incoming 
  Asteroid Detection Program) or the rest 
  of humanity was extinct, whichever 
  came ﬁ rst. 
  In the rush, Clem’s frozen pod was misﬁ led 
  
  20
  PARANOIA: None of this is my fault
  NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT
  as cleaning supplies and left in a closet 
  for many decades, until discovered by 
  a Troubleshooter team a few years ago. 
  The Computer’s kept Clem on ice ever 
  since. Clem’s still logged into the SFCAM 
  network, which gives him extremely high-
  level access to the descendant of that 
  network – The Computer. He’s effectively 
  got a Software score of 18 (oooh). 
  Clem’s very much a product of his 
  environment – he’s a corporate nerd, 
  born of an optimistic time that seemed 
  to herald a golden age. Humanity had 
  overcome the trials and tribulations of 
  the early 21st Century and was reaching 
  for the stars. Mighty spaceships had 
  established bases on other worlds, science 
  promised to extend life and maybe even 
  cheat death, and best of all, there was 
  no fear anymore, as both nations and 
  individuals trusted their peers. (It wasn’t 
  all perfect; those shining spaceships 
  were decked in corporate advertising, 
  and the moonbase was sponsored by 
  Pepsi. The cultural wars between the 
  control-obsessed megacorporations 
  and the free-thinking weird fringe sects 
  were becoming violent, and, y’know, 
  giant incoming asteroid and all, but Clem 
  barely noticed these things).
  Really, Clem’s mind isn’t too different from 
  that of your average early 21st Century guy. 
  He does have an unusually strong moral 
  streak, which he inherited from his mother. 
  He’s also a computer geek and a big fan of 
  Alice in Wonderland for some reason.
  Now Clem’s in the middle of Alpha 
  Complex. He has, we remind you, no 
  idea what’s going on. He’s terriﬁ ed of 
  this weird place with these weird people, 
  and worse, they seem to think he’s in 
  charge. Someone babbled something 
  about Communism? Communism’s been 
  dead for, like, a hundred years. Why is this 
  computer bossing everyone around – it’s 
  just an AC208 model, and those never 
  worked right! Why did that guy just get 
  shot? Why does the guy who just got 
  shot have a twin brother? And another 
  one? What’s going on? Aaaaaaaagh.
  What could be more fun than playing an 
  innocent abroad in Alpha Complex?
  Playing an innocent with ULTRAVIOLET 
  clearance, an innocent who wants to tell 
  the truth and make things better.
  What could be even more fun than 
  that?
  Making the players babysit him.
  IntSec losers.
   CPU: A new High Programmer? 
  That’s wonderful! Make sure that 
  he understands the… special 
  relationship between Central 
  Processing and the UVs. He must 
  understand that CPU exists to serve 
  him, and that any questions he has 
  should be answered by CPU. Make 
  sure he relies on us for everything.
   HPD&MC: We’ve booked a few 
  members of your Committee onto 
  The Indigo Scoop, one of our high-
  clearance politics chat shows. We 
  want you to get the ratings as high 
  as possible, and nothing makes for 
  high ratings like public arguments 
  between High Programmers. 
   PLC: Something weird’s happening 
  with the records. We produced 
  13,556 ‘Hi, My Name’s Bob-R-ABC’ 
  badges, and only sold one of them. 
  Our name badge production facility 
  is hooked right into the Human 
  Resources database. Something’s 
  up… oh, and ﬁ nd a way to sell off 
  13,555 Bob-R-ABC badges, please.
   R&D: The new High Programmer 
  comes from a more primitive age, 
  when people feared science and 
  progress. Show him the wonders of 
  our wonderful Alpha Complex. Make 
  him see the virtues of our modern 
  age.
   IntSec: Every secret society and 
  traitorous conspirator is going to 
  be after that new High Programmer. 
  Keep an eye on him. Protect him 
  from traitorous inﬂ uences. Keep him 
  loyal.
   Tech Services: This is our chance to 
  ﬁ nally break the deadlock with those 
  bastards over in Power Services. 
  Prove to the new High Programmer 
  just how great we are!
   Power Services: This is our chance 
  to ﬁ nally break the deadlock with 
  those bastards over in Tech Services. 
  Prove to the new High Programmer 
  just how great we are!
  Anti-Mutant: If Clem-U is pure, he could 
  be the prophesied Purestrain Leader 
  who will drive the mutie taint from Alpha 
  The Ringer
  One great way to use Clem is to 
  bring in a new player to portray 
  him. Ideally, this new player knows 
  almost nothing about PARANOIA. 
  Even people who don’t regularly 
  play roleplaying games – y’know, 
  normal people – can be used in 
  this role. The more mundane and 
  clueless the player, the better.
  Mission Brieﬁ ng #2
  Attention, High Programmers. Citizen 
  Clem-U-NGR is now reassigned to your 
  committee. Please bring him up to speed 
  on current operations. Ensure you weigh 
  his unique input appropriately. 
  Evidence recovered from the vault suggests 
  that followers of the Gang of Fourteen 
  and a Half are still at large in KFC Sector. 
  Internal Security intercepted the following 
  transmission earlier todaycycle.
  The Computer plays a tape of a 
  conversation between two electronically 
  distorted voices.
  Voice #1: Number One lives! The movement 
  is still strong, brother!
  Voice #2: I heard The Big C stomped on 
  Kevin-U!
  Voice #1: Ok, he don’t live. But we’re still 
  strong – and with the big boss gone, there’ll 
  be promotions for everyone! If you back 
  out now, you get nuthin’ when we take 
  over, right? So…
  Voice #2: I hear ya. When’s the meeting?
  Voice #1: 2300 hours, usual place. Turn the 
  wheel back…
  Voice #2: Squeaky wheels get the 
  jiffylube. 
  Purge the conspiracy from the sector. 
  Your Access Budget is 20 ACCESS units. 
  That is all. 
  Directives & Secret Society 
  Missions #2
   Armed Forces: Show the new High 
  Programmer just how powerful and 
  awesome the Armed Forces are! 
  We’ll clear out KFC Sector in double-
  quick time, much faster than those 
  
  21
  THE ICEMAN RETURNETH (AGAIN)
  Complex! Test him for mutant powers – if 
  he is pure, then recruit him at all costs!
  C.L.A: Make sure that Clem-U knows who 
  his friends are, understand? We want him 
  on our side. 
  Clone Arrangers: Oh! A sample of Clem-
  U’s DNA would be really useful to us – it’s 
  probably not warped by genotoxins like 
  most Alpha Complex citizens. We don’t 
  mean your DNA is warped, sir, of course, 
  just most people’s.
  Communists: Comrade! We have 
  heard there is a purge coming to this 
  sector! We want you to plant as much 
  evidence as possible that those you 
  arrest are Communists – unless they are 
  Communists, in which case you must 
  free them!
  Computer Phreaks: Clem-U… wow. 
  We’ve heard tales that he’s still logged 
  in with level one access. Legends say 
  he’s even got an MCP, whatever that is! 
  Get it off him!
  Corpore Metal: A new High Programmer? 
  Impress him with our bot brothers! Show 
  him the wonders of the modern era!
  Death Leopard: If you can do a prank on 
  the upcoming edition of Indigo Scoop, it 
  would be awesome!
  FCCC-P: Beware of false prophets! The 
  omens say this Clem-U is a tainted 
  enemy of the Anti-Computer! Have him 
  eliminated.
  Frankenstein Destroyers: Recruit this 
  new High Programmer to our cause.
  Free Enterprise: Don’t ask why, but 
  we’ve got about ﬁ fty thousand cases of 
  defective Boot-O-Klene Boot Spray to get 
  rid of. Find a way.
  I.W.W.: Here’s a bugging device. Plant 
  it in the Situation Room. Make sure it’s 
  not detected.
  Mystics: Open Clem-U’s mind with this 
  dose of… actually, I can’t pronounce the 
  ofﬁ cial name of this stuff. We call it Brainy 
  Melty for short.
  Pro Tech: Here’s a bugging device. 
  Plant it on Clem-U. Make sure it’s not 
  detected.
  Psion: Test Clem-U to see if he is a 
  mutant. If he is not, eliminate him.
  PURGE: Use Clem-U’s inexperience to 
  our advantage. Convince him to wreak 
  havoc on Alpha Complex.
  Romantics: Clem-U! A High Programmer 
  from the Olden Times! Kidnap him and 
  bring him to us!
  Runners: Rumour has it there’s a purge 
  coming – and that means lots of recruits 
  for us! Spread Runner propaganda 
  however you can. Here’s a data disc with 
  lots of information.
  Servants of Cthulhu: That is not dead 
  which can eternal lie… and being in a 
  cryogenic tube might qualify. Test this 
  Clem-U for tentacles.
  Sierra Club: As a citizen from the before 
  times, Clem-U must love nature, and 
  so he will be a potent ally for us. If he 
  doesn’t love nature, reawaken his natural 
  instincts with this box. It contains a 
  ‘squirrel’. We’re sure it’s a squirrel. Totally. 
  Stand well back when opening the box.
  As You Know, Clem…
  Clem-U’s now on the Committee. He’s 
  got 10 Access of his own to play with. 
  He’ll also need a Service Group to run, so 
  the players will have to make him Acting 
  Head of a Service Group. 
  
  22
  PARANOIA: None of this is my fault
  NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT
  Now, Clem gets to tag along with the 
  characters as they erase traitors from 
  KFC Sector. The humour in this routine 
  comes from the clash between the PCs’ 
  business-as-usual in Alpha Complex 
  (‘ok, we terminate everyone pre-emptively, 
  then sort through the evidence and give 
  people who definitely weren’t Gang of 
  Fourteen and a Half followers clone 
  refunds…’) and Clem’s conventional-
  modern-day-morals-under-assault-by-
  extreme-culture-shock (‘you’re going to 
  what everyone?!’) The more outlandish or 
  abhorrent the solutions proposed by the 
  PCs, the more outraged Clem becomes.
  Clem’s especially opposed to 
  The Computer being in charge. He 
  programmed one of the core subsystems 
  of The Computer back in the day, and 
  that was an obsolete, bug-ridden piece of 
  junk that never worked right and couldn’t 
  be trusted to keep the trams running on 
  time. There’s no way that thing should 
  have any authority whatsoever, let 
  alone the power of life and death over 
  everyone. 
  Cleaning Up KFC Sector
  The Gang of Fourteen and a Half are 
  a loose cabal of Humanists and other 
  Secret Societies (a re-enactment of 
  Romantics, a tour group of Sierra 
  Clubbers, a suicide pact of PURGErs and 
  a jogging of Runners*). There are lots 
  of low-ranking followers of the Gang in 
  KFC Sector, most of whom are entirely 
  unaware that Kevin-U’s already been 
  reduced to his component molecules.
  There are three genuinely traitorous 
  traitors in KFC Sector. To find these 
  villains, the characters will have to 
  interrogate low-ranking traitors and 
  then follow the clues. These high-ranking 
  traitors are:
   Gherbod-G-TRE, one of the sector’s 
  Hydroponics Engineers. He’s a Sierra 
  Clubber who’s been surreptitiously 
  introducing Outdoor species into 
  the KFC Hydroponics bays for years. 
  Where other sectors have kelp, 
  more kelp, soy, more soy, and an 
  alarming genetically engineered 
  crossbreed called soyelp, the KFC 
  bays bloom with roses and apples. 
  Gherbod-G’s a gentle, avuncular 
  chap, who enjoys pottering in his 
  gardens and hardly ever uses his 
  enemies as fertiliser.
   Rhonda-B-KFC, an Internal Security 
  Trooper and a committed Humanist. 
  She uses her position in Internal 
  Security to rescue Gang of Four 
  members from the termination 
  booths.
   Finally, there’s the elusive Cyrus-X, 
  but the characters won’t ﬁ nd the 
  midget assassin yet.
  Tracking Down Traitors
  Come on, half the specialties are for 
  this sort of stuff – Investigation, 
  Thought Survey, Covert Operations, 
  Interrogation, Subliminal Messaging, 
  Surveillance – it’s like arresting 
  treasonous ﬁ sh in a barrel. 
  Once a few traitors have been found (and 
  in Alpha Complex, everything’s guilty 
  of something), then Interrogation or 
  some nice Pharmatherapy can be used 
  to extract useful information. Here’s 
  a transcript of a traitorous confession 
  extracted using Interrogation.
  Interrogator: Tell us what you know 
  about the Gang of Fourteen and a Half.
  Traitor: Never! Down with the oppressive 
  Computer!
  Interrogator: Deploy the very painful 
  electrodes.
  Traitor: Aaaagh!
  Interrogator: Will you talk?
  Traitor: ...sooner die...
  Interrogator: Insert the very painful 
  electrodes. 
  Traitor: Ok, ok! I know that Number 
  Seven works in the hydroponics bay, and 
  that if I ever get arrested, I’m supposed 
  to ask for Rhonda-B. Oh vatslime, I forgot 
  that bit. Er, is Rhonda-B there?
  Interrogator: I’m asking the questions. 
  Anyone else?
  Traitor: I heard there’s a meeting tonight, 
  but I don’t know where. Oh, and there’s 
  another senior member in the sector, but 
  I don’t know who it is!
  Now, here’s the same interrogation on 
  drugs.
  Interrogator: Will you talk?
  Traitor: Never! Down with the oppressive 
  Computer!
  Interrogator: 20ccs of Telescopamine 
  Plus, docbot.
  Traitor: Ow... ooooh.... I... aaah... er… 
  oooo. Kumquat?
  Interrogator: Tell us all you know about 
  the Gang of Fourteen and a Half. 
  Traitor: They’re a gang... and there’s 
  fourteen of them… oh, and a half of 
  one.
  Interrogator: Tell us about their agents 
  in this sector!
  Traitor: Oh... there’s... that guy... who 
  smells of green stuff... and the nice IntSec 
  Troopery person, Rhonda-something... 
  and that little guy I don’t know… and 
  me... I’m an agent.
  Interrogator: What else?
  Traitor: Man, can I get some algae chips? 
  I’ve got the munchies real bad.
  Other possible ways to track down 
  traitors:
  Assessment or Habitat Engineering: 
  KFC’s hydroponics bay consumes 78% 
  more power than other comparable 
  facilities, but isn’t noticably more 
  productive. Where’s that power going?
  Paperwork: It looks like a lot of arrests 
  in KFC Sector go awry, especially ones 
  where the suspect’s accused of being 
  a Humanist. The terminatee is brought 
  to IntSec for processing, but never gets 
  fried.
  Communication: Tracing that 
  intercepted message leads to a Gang of 
  Fourteen follower who’s only too happy 
  to tell the High Programmers where 
  the Gang rally is being held. Storming 
  that with Crowd Control, Assault or 
  Interrogation lets the characters capture 
  many of the conspiracy’s followers and 
  gives them the names of Rhonda-B 
  * A lynch mob of Anti-Mutants, a compound of C.L.Aers, an arrangement of Clone Arrangers, a league of Communists, a 
  chatroom of Computer Phreaks, a collective of Corpore Metal, a gang of Death Leopards, a congregation of FCCC-Pers, 
  a mob of Frankenstein Destroyers, a wholly legitimate gathering of Free Enterprises, a union of Wobblies, a cosmic 
  union of Mystics, a network of Pro Techies, a hive mind of Psions, and a cult of Servants of Cthulhu.
  
  23
  THE ICEMAN RETURNETH (AGAIN)
  and Gherbod-G, the two most senior 
  members of the conspiracy in the 
  sector.
  The Green Death
  Gherbod-G knows that with Kevin-U 
  gone, there’s no chance of survival. He’s 
  doomed. He’s therefore into stage three 
  of the process, bargaining. As soon as the 
  authorities close in on his hydroponics 
  bays, he contacts the Situation Room.
  On the screen, you see a chubby GREEN 
  citizen standing in the middle of a lush 
  hydroponics bay. It’s so overgrown it could 
  almost be Outdoors. He stares right into the 
  camera and address you directly.
  ‘High Programmers, this is Gherbod-G. 
  You know I’m a traitor, and I know you 
  know, and you know I know you know, 
  but what you don’t know is why. I will tell 
  you why.’ He holds up a shiny apple. ‘My 
  life’s work. All our hydroponics bays are 
  focussed only on efﬁ ciency, on producing 
  the most biomatter with the least input. 
  Considerations like nutritional value and 
  ﬂ avour are secondary. After all, why bother 
  making something taste good when 
  you can drown it in dubious chemical 
  ﬂ avourings?
  This apple was grown in my hydroponics 
  facility. For only a small investment, we 
  could give everyone in Alpha Complex a 
  ration of fresh, chemical-free food instead 
  of feeding the INFRAREDs drug-laced 
  slop out of the food vats. I submitted my 
  proposal to PLC and they turned me down! 
  They said it was against policy! Kevin-U 
  listened – and I’ll make you listen.’
  He holds up a remote control. ‘If you don’t 
  implement my hydroponic innovations, I’ll 
  blow them up!’
  It’s easy to get rid of Gherbod-G, 
  obviously; telling a madman with a 
  bomb who’s willing to blow himself up to 
  blow himself up isn’t exactly challenging. 
  Arresting him means navigating the maze 
  of hydroponics (Habitat Engineering or 
  Outdoor Operations) and then taking 
  him out before he can activate the 
  bombs (Wetwork to zap him before he 
  can react, or Demolitions or Sabotage 
  to remove the bombs).
  Clem-U’s appalled by Gherbod-G’s 
  testimony, and questions the characters 
  as to why The Computer would deny 
  healthy food to the citizens.
  Assault on Precinct KFC
  Meanwhile, Rhonda-B’s still stuck in stage 
  one, denial. She’s convinced that Kevin-U 
  escaped The Computer’s attack and is 
  still at large. Rhonda-B’s got the Empathic 
  Liar mutant ability – she always knows 
  just what to say to convince people that 
  she’s on their side. Her supervisor at 
  Internal Security is Kurt-I, and he believes 
  that Rhonda-B is one of his most loyal 
  and efficient officers. He’ll do almost 
  anything to defend her, including taking 
  calls from High Programmers.
  If the characters try to arrest or terminate 
  Rhonda-B, then Kurt-I will contact them 
  on her behalf. He’ll do his best to shield 
  her from the authorities. Mutant Studies 
  can identify clear signs that Kurt-I’s 
  bewitched, as can Assessment. Directly 
  attacking KFC IntSec Central is like 
  kicking over an anthill, as all the troopers 
  assume they’ve been tagged as traitors 
  and start ﬁ ghting back – and they’ve 
  got enough ﬁ repower to kick things up 
  to Total War. 
  Mission Accomplished
  If either Rhonda-B or Gherbod-G are 
  interrogated, they can identify any player 
  characters who are secret members of 
  the Gang. 
  Once the two arch-traitors are arrested 
  or terminated, The Computer plays a 
  brief fanfare and deploys a Mission 
  Accomplished banner that ﬂ ops down 
  across the back wall of the Situation 
  Room. ‘Congratulations citizens. Your 
  efforts to identify and terminate traitors are 
  appreciated. A complementary banquet 
  will take place in the Oak Suite at 2030 
  hours.’
  The Computer then directs Clem-U and 
  half of the PCs to attend the evening’s 
  taping of the Indigo Scoop.
  5. Say You Want 
  A Revolution
  There’s no free press in Alpha Complex, 
  no ofﬁ cial media that isn’t wholly under 
  the control of The Computer. There is 
  an entirely unfree press, which exists 
  to entertain and distract the proles 
  with shiny propaganda and videos of 
  things going fast before exploding. A 
  very small segment of this media is 
  dedicated to providing news to high-
  clearance citizens. The Computer wants 
  the decisions of the High Programmers 
  to be questioned and challenged in an 
  appropriately secure and controlled 
  fashion, hence the existence of programs 
  like The Indigo Scoop. 
  It’s as close as Alpha Complex gets to a 
  politics chat show. Guests – occasionally 
  even High Programmers – are questioned 
  by a hand picked audience. 99% of the 
  questions are absolute softballs (‘Would 
  the High Programmer categorise his efforts 
  to stamp out Communism as heroic, very 
  heroic or really very heroic but not so heroic 
  as to diminish the efforts of other equally 
  loyal citizens?’). It’s still a propaganda 
  exercise, but one aimed at the upper-
  middle classes.
  There are several versions of Indigo Scoop 
  – a heavily censored GREEN-clearance 
  edition, the standard INDIGO one, and 
  the UVs-and-ﬁ lesharers only unedited 
  broadcast. 
  Anyway, The Computer has decreed 
  that at least half the High Programmers 
  appear on Indigo Scoop to explain 
  their current efforts. Pick the High 
  Programmers whose players played 
  the Victims in Encounter 3: The Vault. 
  Don’t forget that characters with a 
  Public Standing can gain or lose Fame 
  based on their performance in the show! 
  (Characters without a Public Standing 
  can still appear on television, but their 
  faces and voices will be electronically 
  distorted, and mentioning them by name 
  on air is treason).
  Clem-U’s going along too.
  Brieﬁ ng The Interviewers
  Take the players who weren’t picked to 
  go on the show aside and explain to 
  them that they’re going to be playing the 
  interviewers. They should come up with 
  a name, assignment (GREEN or higher 
  clearance, please), personality and a few 
  questions for the High Programmers. 
  For example, a player might temporarily 
  take on the personality of Harold-B, a 
  mid-level Memory Editor from HPD&MC. 
  He’s very concerned about Communism 
  
  24
  PARANOIA: None of this is my fault
  NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT
  in the water supply, and wants to know 
  what the High Programmers intend 
  to do about it. The players can ask any 
  questions they want, but remember 
  that the High Programmers they’ll be 
  questioning have the power of life and 
  death over them – shouting ‘are you 
  a traitor?’ will get you zapped live on 
  camera. 
  Good questions, for anyone stuck for a 
  tough question:
   Why do you think Kevin-U had such 
  widespread support?
   Does this conspiracy indicate 
  widespread unhappiness in 
  the sector, probably due to 
  mismanagement?
   Who, in your view, is chiefly 
  responsible for such a high-clearance 
  traitor going undiscovered for so 
  long?
   Who is this new High Programmer?
   Does the presence of a High 
  Programmer from the ﬁ rst days of 
  Alpha Complex indicate a softening 
  of ofﬁ cial censure of history?
   Was Kevin-U a Communist? 
  If he wasn’t, are Communists 
  going uncaptured while you’re 
  investigating the Gang of Fourteen 
  and a Half?
   Who is this ‘Gang of Fourteen and 
  a Half?’ Have all its members been 
  arrested?
  Brieﬁ ng The Interviewees
  Give the players a few minutes to come 
  up with their temporary characters. 
  While they’re doing that, the High 
  Programmers arrive at the Indigo Scoop 
  studio, where the role of perky host 
  Kathy-I will be played by the lovely and 
  talented Gamemaster. 
  ‘Hello, sirs! I’m so happy you could join us 
  for this special edition of Indigo Scoop, 
  Alpha Complex’s premier high-security 
  chat show. We’ll be ready to start in just 
  a few minutes. We’ll tell everyone we’re 
  going out live, but of course there’s a delay 
  to allow proper editing and approval. Do 
  any of you have any special requirements? 
  Let’s get make-up in here – we want you to 
  look your best!
  Now, we’re obviously going to cover the 
  recent Kevin-U situation. We’ll edit any 
  references out of the GREEN-clearance 
  edition, as I hear it’s all been classified 
  INDIGO. We’ll edit the audience too, 
  afterwards. 
  Ok, we’re on in two minutes. Places 
  everyone!’
  There’s One For Everyone 
  In The Audience!
  The Computer is, according to its faulty, 
  designed-by-the-lowest-bidder logic 
  circuits, trying to pressurise Clem-U into 
  committing treachery, so he’ll provide 
  a suitable loyalty test for the player 
  characters. Somewhere along the way, it 
  adds 2 and 2 and makes 4.000000000000 
  (repeating), so The Computer defaults 
  to what it knows best – terminating 
  people. 
  After all the interviewers have asked 
  one question, pick the one who asked 
  the hardest question. Internal Security 
  goons march into the studio and drag 
  that interviewer off to the termination 
  booth (and there’s one located just 
  outside the studio, so you can hear – and 
  smell – the traitors being processed). In 
  each case, the goons march in, pause 
  the recordings at the order of The 
  Computer, grab the traitor, and march 
  out. Continuity assistants ensure that 
  everyone is in the same exact position 
  when taping resumes, so there’s no 
  visible gap in the visual record apart from 
  one citizen suddenly vanishing. Repeat 
  this procedure until all the interviewers 
  are gone to the Big Smoking Boot In 
  The Dome. 
  Agent Provocateur
  The Computer has planted one of its 
  agents in the Indigo Scoop’s audience, just 
  to ask one carefully-planned question. 
  The agent is Jake-B. At the very end of 
  the show, just as Kathy-V is about to wrap 
  up, Jake-B stands to ask his very special 
  question.
  ‘High Programmer Clem-U-NGR, are you 
  happy?’
  And Clem shrugs his shoulders in 
  confusion and says ‘no’.
  There’s an audible intake of breath. 
  Kathy-V leaps into the breach and says 
  ‘tune in next week, folks, when we’ll be 
  having a round-table discussion on the 
  new Form Tracking Regulations Revision 
  Committee Bi-Cycle Report! The Indigo 
  Scoop – bringing you the high-clearance 
  scoop on politics in this ever-more-
  perfect Complex of ours!’
  The High Programmers are hustled 
  offstage by minders. The idea that a 
  High Programmer might do something 
  as abhorrent and seditious as admit 
  unhappiness has shaken the audience 
  to their very core.
  You’re Either With Us, 
  Against Us or Spying On 
  Us
  Clem-U’s seen enough – the madness, the 
  terminations, the machinations of The 
  Computer. He’s going to do something 
  about it, and as a tech support computer 
  engineer he knows exactly what to do. 
  Turn The Computer off and restore from 
  backups. After the characters leave the 
  Indigo Scoop, Clem-U asks them all to 
  meet him in his assigned quarters.
  Clem-U’s home is a vast empty space 
  the size of a dozen aircraft hangars piled 
  on top of each other. It’s all painted a 
  brilliant, shimmering white, but there’s 
  no furniture except a bed, a deck and 
  a toilet in the middle of this endless 
  expanse. Hey, he’s just moved in, and 
  hasn’t had time to consider decoration.
  As soon as the player characters arrive, he 
  launches into an impassioned speech. 
  ‘This place is totally, like, through the 
  looking glass. The computer’s running 
  around going off with his head all the time 
  for absolutely no reason, and everyone’s 
  just going along with it like all this was 
  normal! This isn’t normal! I know normal, 
  and this isn’t it! Look, it’s really great that 
  you revived me from that cryo-thingy, but 
  it sucks that you all live in this dystopian 
  whatsit!
  It doesn’t have to be like this. The problem, 
  right, is with The Computer. So, we ﬁ x it. I 
  used to work for the company who made it 
  back before everything went to hell. I know 
  where to get a Master Control Program 
  that’ll reboot the whole mainframe. We 
  do a factory reset and start again from 
  scratch. 
  All you guys have to do is pick up something 
  from Des Moines. Can you get someone to 
  
  25
  THE ICEMAN RETURNETH (AGAIN)
  do that? ‘cos if you can, then we can sort 
  this place out!’
  This is the crux of The Computer’s whole 
  scheme. High Programmers who agree to 
  help Clem are committing high treason 
  and will be terminated (no saving throw 
  allowed). The Big C isn’t going to tip 
  its hand just yet, though – Clem-U’s 
  identiﬁ ed a threat to The Computer that 
  must be dealt with. 
  What The Computer doesn’t know is 
  that Cyrus-X is listening in on the whole 
  conversation.
  This! Is! Treeaaaasssonnnn!: Some 
  loyal or paranoid programmers may 
  report Clem-U to The Computer instead 
  of going along with this crazy scheme. 
  If they do so, then call them aside for a 
  private conference with The Computer. 
  It will explain that it knows Clem-U is 
  a traitor and that several of the other 
  High Programmers have also betrayed 
  it. Everything is going according to plan. 
  Play along for now until the threat to 
  Alpha Complex has been dealt with.
  Friends in Short Places: If any of 
  the High Programmers are Gang of 
  Fourteen and a Half members, then 
  they’re contacted by Cyrus-X. The midget 
  says that he’s going to stow away with 
  any expedition to Des Moines – he’ll 
  retrieve the Master Control Program and 
  transmit it to them. All they need to do is 
  come up with a secure way for him to get 
  the data to them. He doesn’t trust Clem-U 
  – he knows that Clem-U’s cryopod was 
  planted by Vulture Troopers, and wasn’t 
  in the vault originally.
  Des Moines Redux
  Getting to Des Moines needs Transport 
  and Outdoor Operations. Clem-U also 
  wants it done without The Computer 
  noticing, which calls for Hacking, 
  Surveillance and Covert Operations. 
  The best way to get there is via Armed 
  Forces flybot, but there are lots of 
  options. However the Minions get there, 
  they unwittingly bring along an extra 
  passenger – Cyrus-X tags along. 
  When the unfortunate Minions get to 
  Des Moines, they discover the city is a 
  blasted wasteland of crumbling domes, 
  ofﬁ ce buildings and rampaging mutant 
  evangelists. The corporate ofﬁ ce building 
  is located near the university campus, 
  just as Clem-U remembered. The Minions 
  comb through the wreckage until they 
  find a battered but still functional 
  memory core containing a Master 
  Control Program.
  ‘Sir, we have found the target. Returning 
  to Alphaaaaagh!’ On the screen, you see 
  your minions being blasted by a hail of 
  laser bolts from the shadows. 
  Four Vulture Squadron Warriors step out 
  of the darkness. Two of them pick up the 
  memory core and prop it against a wall, 
  while the other two take aim at it. ‘This 
  threat to the operational integrity of The 
  Computer will now be erased. Bear witness, 
  High Programmers to the aaaagh!’ 
  Another hail of laser bolts wipe out the 
  Vultures. When the last clone topples to 
  the ground, a figure emerges from the 
  darkness.
  A very short ﬁ gure. This guy’s wearing a 
  tattered black Alpha Complex jumpsuit, 
  and he’s less than a metre tall. 
  ‘Mwaahahahah’ he says. ‘Revenge is mine! 
  The Gang of Fourteen and Half will win in 
  the end!’ 
  Cyrus-X begins to transmit the MCP to 
  any renegade High Programmers… and 
  then there’s a bright white ﬂ ash.
  Apocalypse and a Half
  ‘Des Moines terminated,’ says The 
  Computer. ‘ICBM estimated yield, 1200 
  megatons. Probability of target destruction: 
  99.987%. Launching second ICBM.’
  Doors burst open, vents explode, walls are 
  breached, and IntSec Troopers swarm into 
  the room. ‘Arrest Citizen Clem-U,’ screeches 
  The Computer. Clem-U’s rapidly subdued 
  and tossed back into a cryopod.
  Any High Programmers who went along 
  willingly with Clem-U’s crazy scheme to 
  reboot The Computer are also arrested 
  and terminated. Their replacement 
  clones may be more loyal.
  Any High Programmers who refused to 
  aid Clem-U or reported him as a traitor 
  are commended for their loyalty and 
  awarded one bonus Access each. Don’t 
  spend it all at once.
  And any High Programmers who 
  joined the Gang of Fourteen and a Half, 
  avoided detection by The Computer 
  and managed to get the Master Control 
  Program off Cyrus-X – congratulations! 
  They deserve their mastery of The 
  Computer’s off switch! Their duplicity 
  and barefaced treachery marks them as 
  truly exceptional PARANOIA players.
  
  26
  PARANOIA: None of this is my fault
  NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT
  >>>CPU/Sched/943221
  >>>CLEARANCE VIOLET
  >>>TAGS Kevin-U, Military Operations, Gang of Fourteen and a Half, Turducken of Treason
  Time
  Event
  Evidence
  Witnesses
  Process
  1:09:00
  Ex-High Programmer Kevin-U makes a 
  public appearance at the FunGrow Junior 
  Citizen Creche. His speech deviates from the 
  pre-approved script 73 times.
  Speech transcripts (ORANGE)
  Creche staff (ORANGE),
  216 Junior Citizens (IR)
  [ ] 
  1:12:32
  Ex-High Programmer Kevin-U meets with 
  the CPU Committee for Subcommittee 
  Composition Review Restructuring.
  Minutes (BLUE)
  Committee members 
  (BLUE/GREEN)
  [ ]
  1:16:00
  IntSec ofﬁ cers observe ex-High 
  Programmer Kevin-U meeting with 
  known Romantic agents.
  Video recording 
  (UNCLASSIFIED)
  IntSec Troopers (BLUE)
  [ ]
  1:16:15
  Kevin-U is requested to report to a 
  confession booth to explain himself. Instead, 
  he ﬂ ees Alpha Complex by rerouting a 
  transbot full of orphans and electric puppies. 
  A Troubleshooter team pursues but is 
  unable to secure Kevin-U. He reaches his 
  secure undisclosed location and seals the 
  connecting transtubes.
  Transbot Vehicle Log 
  (YELLOW)
  Power Services Trafﬁ c 
  Control (GREEN), 
  Troubleshooter Team 
  #54437 (RED)
  [ ]
  1:19:20
  ERROR: INCIDENT DESCRIPTION NOT 
  FOUND
  Staff of Wonk-Y’s 
  Fast Food (YELLOW), 
  Transdimensional 
  Research Team (BLUE), 
  Unclassiﬁ ed Lifeform 
  (Unknown)
  [ ]
  2:03:20
  Approval for Operation CHERRY CUPCAKE 
  granted. 
  CHERRY CUPCAKE Operational 
  Plan (BLUE)
  [ ]
  2:07:40
  Armed Forces units exit Alpha Complex 
  via Access Point 45. 
  Physical Evidence of Troop 
  movements
  1st, 3rd, 14th, 16th, 17th 
  Heroic Infantry Regiments 
  (RED)
  4th Power Armour 
  (YELLOW) Warbots 
  (GREEN) FlyBot 
  Bombardment (GREEN)
  Vulture Squadron Assault 
  (BLUE) Exit Security 
  (YELLOW)
  [ ]
  2: 
  10:30
  Armed Forces units engage Kevin-U’s 
  personal guard.
  TacNuke detonations, enough 
  laser ﬁ re to be visible from 
  orbit
  As above, plus Kevin-
  U’s personal guard 
  (TERMINATED)
  [ ]
  2:14:11
  Internal Security agents seize Kevin-U.
  Internal Security 
  Extraction Team (BLUE)
  [ ]
  2:16:00
  Kevin-U’s fortress is declared an unplace.
  Underground fortress 
  comprising 113 kilometres of 
  passageways, layered defences, 
  armoured bunkers etc
  [ ]
  2:19:10
  Kevin-U is found guilty of high treason 
  and conspiring against The Computer 
  (full list of charges available on request).
  Court Records (BLUE)
  [ ]
  2:19:11
  Kevin-U admits membership in 
  treasonous conspiracy ‘Gang of Fourteen 
  and a Half’.
  Court Records (BLUE)
  [ ]
  2:19:12
  Kevin-U is erased.
  Termination records (GREEN)
  [ ]
  
  27
  WHEN THINGS WERE INTERESTING
  When things were interesting
  A High Programmer Minigame
  Ah, FunBall, the approved authorised 
  sport of the lower clearances. The 
  ‘circuses’ part of ‘Hot Fun and Circuses’. 
  That’s in the Roman sense of circuses, 
  by the way – FunBall involves as much 
  bloodshed and maiming as your average 
  Troubleshooter mission.
  Every Sector in Alpha Complex has its 
  own ofﬁ cial FunBall team. These teams 
  are cultural icons within Alpha Complex; 
  revenue from FunBall ticket sales and 
  FunBall-related merchandising exceeded 
  the revenue from GeneHealthy Tonics 
  and Medicated Happiness Personality 
  Adjustment Vending Machines in Year 
  214! (And as much as 46% of this revenue 
  wasn’t skimmed by Free Enterprise 
  – another new record!) Attendance at 
  FunBall games isn’t mandatory – citizens 
  are permitted to watch matches on TV 
  instead – but not taking an interest in 
  FunBall is a clear sign of deviancy and 
  may conceal deep-seated pinko Commie 
  sympathies*.
  High Programmers also care about 
  FunBall. None of them would do anything 
  so gauche as actually watching a game**, 
  but it’s a long-standing tradition to 
  bet on the outcome of the InterSector 
  FunBall League. 
  This minigame is intended to be used as 
  a running subplot in a High Programmer 
  campaign. At the start of the campaign, 
  each High Programmer gets a FunBall 
  team of their very own. The GM then runs 
  a little league – run one set of matches 
  after each mission. Teams get three 
  points for a win, one point for a draw, and 
  no points for a loss. Add in NPC teams 
  to bring the whole league up to a nice 
  power-of-two. 
  As the campaign cascades towards 
  catastrophic meltdown as all good 
  campaigns should, the two teams with 
  the highest point total play in the 
  HyperBowl, one of the biggest televised 
  spectacles in Alpha Complex. 
  Earnings
  After each game, both sides get to roll 
  on the FunBall Earnings Table below. 
  There are modiﬁ ers and everything! Like 
  a real game!
  1d20
  Win
  Loss
  0-10
  2 Access
  0 Access
  11-15
  4 Access
  1 Access
  16-19
  6 Access
  2 Access
  20+
  10 Access
  5 Access
  Management Skill of 10 or more: +4
  Free Enterprise Agent of Rank 5 or 
  more: +4 
  The Rules of FunBall
  …are available from the Alpha Complex 
  Ofﬁ cial FunBall Association in a set of 
  128 lovingly plastic-bound folders, each 
  no less that 1,024 pages long***. To 
  obtain your set, just mail your ME card 
  to the A.C.O.F.A, Mornington Crescent 
  Corridor, Level 12, FFA Sector along 
  with 100 credits and a completed 
  form HPD&MC/45332, Non-Regulatory 
  Reading Material Approval Waiver, Type 
  6 (Recreational goodthought). The 
  basic rules are vaguely understood by 
  most citizens and even most FunBall 
  players****. The game takes place in a 
  FunBall arena, which is deﬁ ned as any 
  open space larger than the sum total 
  volume of the players. Players (of which 
  there must be at least one) are divided 
  into two (or more) teams. Each player has 
  a FunStick. The basic FunStick is a metre-
  long piece of metal with a forked section 
  at one end, but professional FunSticks 
  can have all sorts of added extras, like 
  magnetic accelerators, jet boosters, laser 
  targeting devices and tasers. 
  The game is played with a regulation (or 
  approved variant) FunBall. The aim is to 
  get the FunBall into any of the scoring 
  zones on the pitch. Play continues 
  until either the pre-arranged duration 
  of the match has elapsed, or one team 
  is eliminated due to injury, foul play, 
  treason or the hazard zones. Every 
  professional stadium has a different set 
  of hazards and scoring zones (on an 
  entirely co-incidental note, teams win 
  74% of home games).
  The Rules of FunBall II
  For High Programmers, FunBall teams are 
  a special kind of Minion. Each team has 
  Ari: Would you care to bet a million 
  dollars on that?
  Burns: Oh, if we’re going to bet, why 
  don’t we make it interesting!
  Ari: What, a million dollars isn’t 
  interesting to you?
  Burns: Oh, did you say a million? I’m, 
  I’m sorry, my mind was elsewhere. 
  I thought you would start with a 
  small amount, then we would bait 
  each other, and, well, you know 
  how it goes. Yes, certainly, a million 
  would be ﬁ ne. 
  – ‘Homer at the Bat’, The Simpsons
  * At the higher clearances, no one cares about FunBall. PowerGolf is the game for executives, especially ones who like 
  shooting small titanium balls out of sporty railguns. 
  ** Allegations that some High Programmers can be found locked inside their megamansions, wearing stained old t-shirts 
  and watching the game with B3 in hand just like they did in the old days are, of course, treason.
  *** Not including the Local Sector Approved Bylaws AAA thru GFA, GFB thro MMN, MMO, MMP through TRX and TRY thru ZZZ, 
  the List of Approved FunBall Variants, 214 Edition, and the FunBaller’s Good Sportsmanship Manual (now with free taser!)
  **** An impressive accomplishment, as most pro players are so concussed they have to check their jerseys to remember 
  which team they’re on. 
  
  28
  PARANOIA: None of this is my fault
  NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT
  a FunBall skill. In a match, both you and 
  your opponent throw 1d20 and try to roll 
  under your team’s skill. If both teams fail 
  or both team’s succeed, that particular 
  play is a draw. Otherwise, the team who 
  succeeded wins the play. There are four 
  plays in a match. If one team wins the 
  majority of plays, they win the match. 
  If both teams win an equal number of 
  plays, it’s a draw. Simple?
  All teams have a starting skill of 8, by 
  the way.
  There are two complications. 
  Firstly, players may spend Access on the 
  roll. Access must be spent before rolling 
  the dice, anyone can spend Access on 
  any roll, and each point of Access spent 
  gives a +1 or –1 to the roll.
  Secondly, players may purchase Star 
  Players for their teams. Each Star Player 
  increases the team’s skill, but also has 
  a unique ability. Each ability requires 
  a skill roll to use. You can only use 
  abilities between plays, so there are 
  three opportunities in each match to use 
  an ability. Each ability can only be used 
  once per match. 
  FunBall Match Schedule
  Teams arrive, play the Alpha Complex 
  Anthem with full fanfare
  First Play
  Both teams can try to use a Star Player 
  ability
  Second Play
  Both teams can try to use a Star Player 
  ability
  Half Time
  Third Play
  Both teams can try to use a Star Player 
  ability
  Fourth Play
  Match concludes. Winning team celebrates, 
  losing team and their supporters are 
  medicated to prevent unhappiness
  Star Players
  Star Players are especially talented 
  FunBall players, whose natural ability 
  at the game comes from loyalty and 
  training, and not at all from deviant 
  mutant abilities. For simplicity’s sake, we 
  also use these Star Player rules for stuff 
  like skilled trainers, drug programs, dirty 
  tricks and so on.
  Buying: The GM should action off a few 
  Star Players at the end of each mission. 
  Each Star Player has a minimum starting 
  price of 3 Access, and highest bid wins. 
  Once a Star Player has been bought, 
  players may of course kidnap, assassinate, 
  brainwash, frame, terminate or otherwise 
  mangle him as per the normal rules.
  Using Abilities: Each ability lists the 
  associated skill. The player using the 
  Star has to roll equal to or order the skill 
  on 1d20 to use the ability. If the roll fails, 
  the ability doesn’t work (but you can try 
  again after the next play.) You can only 
  use abilities on your team or your current 
  opponent’s Team. 
  
  29
  WHEN THINGS WERE INTERESTING
  Lance-Y, FunBall Star
  +4 Team Skill
  A square-jawed action hero. 
  Pity about the brain.
  Dirk-G, FunBall Star
  +4 Team Skill
  Former Troubleshooter. He 
  still has ﬂ ashbacks.
  Marlon-B, FunBall Star
  +4 Team Skill
  Make sure you keep him 
  heavily sedated off the ﬁ eld
  Reuel-R, FunBall Star
  +4 Team Skill
  They say he’s an IntSec spy, but 
  don’t worry about that
  Referee Samuel-G
  +1 Team Skill
  Management: Reroll the 
  results of the last play
  Vinny-Y
  +2 Team Skill
  Violence: Reduce the 
  other team’s Skill by 2 for 
  the rest of the match
  IntSec Investigation
  Subterfuge: The other 
  team must select one star 
  player. That Star Player is 
  removed for the rest of the 
  match. You can use this 
  ability twice per match.
  Difﬁ cult FunBall Course
  Hardware: The next play is 
  automatically a draw.
  Through the tunnel, up the 
  ramp… into the bottomless pit?
  Merchandise Rights
  +1 Team Skill
  Management: Increase 
  the Access earned from 
  this match by 50%
  Bob the Breaker
  +1 Team Skill
  Violence: Eliminate 
  another Star Player for the 
  rest of the match
  Stealthy Saboteurs
  Subterfuge: Reduce the 
  opponent’s Skill by 8 until 
  the end of the end of the 
  next play.
  Experimental FunBall Gear
  Hardware: Add +6 to your 
  team skill for the rest of the 
  match. If you fail the roll, 
  reduce your team skill by -4.
  Yancy-Y, Talent Spotter
  +1 Team Skill
  Management: After the 
  match, swap Yancy-Y for a 
  Star Player from the other 
  team.
  Military Grade FunBall
  Violence: Use only 
  after you’ve lost a play. 
  Permanently remove 
  another Star Player.
  Do not taunt the FunBall
  Enhanced Surveillance
  Subterfuge: Your 
  opponent may not spend 
  Access on Skill rolls for the 
  rest of the match.
  Scoring Zone Mineﬁ eld
  Hardware: For the rest of the 
  game, whenever the opposing 
  team wins a play, permanently 
  reduce their Skill by 1. 
  Financial Irregularities
  Software: Regardless of 
  the result of the match, 
  you roll on the Winning 
  column of the Earnings 
  table. 
  Illegal Drugs
  +2 Team Skill
  Wetware: Increase your 
  Team Skill by +2. If you fail 
  the Wetware roll, remove 
  one of your Star Players for 
  the rest of the match.
  Uller-Y, Ex-Vulture 
  Trooper
  +2 Team Skill
  Violence: Automatically 
  win the next play. Uller-Y 
  misses your next match.
  Kenny-B, Inspiring Captain
  +2 Team Skill 
  Management: +4 Team Skill 
  for the next play. You may only 
  use this ability after losing a 
  play.
  Play Analysis Computer
  Software: Increase 
  your Team Skill by +1 
  permanently. You may 
  only beneﬁ t from this 
  four times in total.
  Medic!
  +1 Team Skill
  Wetware: Return a missing 
  Star Player to the match.
  Nigel-R, FunBall Assassin
  +1 Team Skill
  Subterfuge: Your 
  opponent suffers a –4 
  penalty to his next ability 
  check.
  H-86, FunBallBot
  +6 Team Skill
  You must use this ability 
  whenever possible. Failure to 
  do so removes H-86 from the 
  ﬁ eld until the next game.
  Hardware: H-86 keeps 
  working. 
  Broadcast Rights
  Software: Increase the 
  Access earned from this 
  match by 50%
  Performance Enhancing 
  Drugs
  Wetware: Increase 
  your team skill by +1 
  permanently. You may only 
  beneﬁ t from this four times 
  in total.
  Orbital FunBall Tracker 
  Satellite
  Software: +4 Team Skill for 
  the next play.
  Genetically Engineered 
  FunBall Player
  +6 Team Skill
  Wetware: The team survives 
  into the next match. If you 
  fail this skill check, the GEFP 
  is destroyed at the end of the 
  match.
  Peyton-O, FunBall Star
  +3 Team Skill
  Violence: Remove 
  Peyton-O and another 
  Star Player from the 
  match.
  Joe-Y, FunBall Star
  +3 Team Skill
  Violence: Remove Joe-Y 
  from the match. The next 
  play is automatically a 
  draw. 
  Brad-Y, FunBall Star
  +3 Team Skill
  Violence: Use this ability 
  only if the last play was a 
  draw. It counts as a win for 
  you.
  Tactical Nuclear FunBall
  +1 Team Skill
  Hardware: Destroy all your 
  Star Players and all your 
  opponent’s Star Players.
  
SOURCE: textdata/thevault/Paranoia [multi]/25th Anniversary/Paranoia 25th - None of This Is My Fault.pdf