TEXT: • Once Upon A Time...
  There was a High Programmer
  A paranoia adventure 
  named Past-U-RAL-4. An im-
  portant man, of course, being a
  High Programmer, but then
  you'd worked that out for
  yourselves hadn't you? Why do
  we struggling writers bother...
  Back to the plot:
  Past-U-RAL is still about,
  and a nature freak to boot. He
  is a former member of the Sierra
  Club whose first step on the lad-
  der of success was (naturally) to
  turn in all the members of his
  cell as traitors. He did it with a
  tear in his eye, for he really loves
  the idea of the Great Outdoors.
  Any normal High Programmer
  with such a love of nature would
  probably establish a base Out-
  side. Not Past-U-RAL, but then,
  this being Paranoia, that would
  be too simple by far. There's
  also the minor problem that
  Past-U-RAL is allergic to pollen,
  fur, feathers, real sunlight, and
  natural foods.
  Rather than abandon his
  dream completely, Past-U-RAL
  has built his idyllic homestead-
  away-from-home in a disused
  warehouse under the Alpha
  Complex. 
  Start 
  humming
  Beethoven's Sixth now. The
  Computer has 'forgotten' this
  area. Carefully and traitorously
  misdirected resources have pro-
  duced a landscaped floor sur-
  faced with plastic grass, a con-
  vincing hologram 'sky' and
  'landscape', a thatched cottage
  with robot servants, and a flock
  of 120 robot sheep. He lives
  here 
  whenever 
  possible,
  sometimes with guests who
  generally belong to the Earth
  Mother secret society (See
  Acute Paranoia for details).
  While Past-U-RAL would
  love to spend all his time in his
  cottage, every now and then he
  has to spend a few days work-
  ing with his friend, and yours
  (and mine, of course), The
  Computer.
  However, his tranquil ex-
  istence has been shattered.
  Stop humming Beethoven's
  Sixth. When Past-U-RAL return-
  ed from work yesterday he was
  horrified to find his servants
  deactivated, and one literally
  torn apart. And five of his sheep
  had been destroyed. None of the
  surviving servants could give a
  coherent (coherent, in this game
  - HA!) account of what had hap-
  pened. All said that they black-
  ed out. The sheepbots are stan-
  dard petbot mechanisms (pro-
  grams Baaa-1, Pretend to
  Graze-1, Produce Synthetic
  Droppings-1), and can't answer
  questions.
  Past-U-RAL 
  made 
  two
  decisions:
  1: He's leaving the cottage,
  and not going back until the
  DO TROUBLESHOOTERS
  | DREAM OF |
  ELECTRIC SHEEP
  WHITE DWARF #89, May 1987. By Marcus Rowland.  Scan by Zenobia
  Illustrated by David Stevens
  mystery is solved. Something
  by Marcus Rowland
  that can tear a robot apart can
  do unspeakably terminal things
  to a High Programmer. He has
  an ordinary (and that means
  very 
  secure) 
  apartment
  elsewhere in Alpha Complex.
  2: Someone else can solve
  the mystery. Guess who...
  • Lies, All Lies
  Brief the team about a mission
  to the sewers. Make this sound
  as disgusting, repellent and con-
  fusing as possible. Plumber's
  Helper in Acute Paranoia is con-
  fusing, 
  nauseating 
  and
  repellent, but that's close
  enough. Equip the Trouble-
  shooters with every possible
  device that might be used in a
  sewer, plus a few that are
  ludicrously inappropriate: dinner
  jackets and armoured spats? Jet
  boots? Parachutes? Automatic
  open-on-scream parachutes? If
  (that's an optional 'if') you're
  feeling mean some of the last lot
  have been sabotaged by Com-
  mie Mutant Traitor Scum, and
  are open-on-whisper or open-
  on-ppphizzzt (laser shot, stupid)
  parachutes. Neat, eh? Send a
  few Vultures to intimidate, sorry,
  escort, the team to the sewer
  entrance. Send a few Warbots
  and Blue Int-Sec troopers to
  escort the escort. Kill anyone
  who objects.
  As the Troubleshooters are
  frog-marched down the final
  tunnel towards the sewer, it fills
  with white mist. Everyone col-
  lapses: 
  escorts, 
  escorts'
  escorts, any spare guards who
  happen to be about, Trouble-
  shooters, and robots. Mutants
  go down as well, no matter
  what their brand of pervo-
  mutation.
  Remember The Prisoner?
  The Troubleshooters wake up on
  a grassy lawn near a charming
  thatched cottage, under a clear
  blue sky. The sky and landscape
  seem to stretch out forever.
  Faint baaa-ing noises can be
  heard from the far side of the
  hill. Describe all this in terms
  appropriate to Troubleshooters
  who may have never seen the
  sky, grass, hills, cottages, or
  sheep. Remember that The
  Computer has forgotten about
  this area. At the moment the
  Troubleshooters aren't being
  monitored for traitorous ut-
  terances and behaviour. Well,
  not by the Computer, anyway...
  Internal Security agents are all
  around. I mean, do you trust
  anybody these days?
  Anyone who has never been
  Outside should now make a
  sanity roll. Anyone who has
  been Outside before should
  eventually realise that there's
  something wrong. The air
  doesn't smell clean enough, the
  sunlight isn't as hot as it should
  be, and the grass is made of
  18
  
  plastic. The Troubleshooters will
  also discover that all weapons
  and equipment apart from laser
  pistols, melee weapons, and
  open-on-whatever parachutes
  have disappeared.
  While the team are beginn-
  ing to absorb this information,
  the sky is rent in twain.
  Remember, it's a hologram and
  Past-U-RAL is a High Program-
  mer. A huge hand, fifty or so
  metres long, appears through a
  black 'tear' in the sky, swathed
  in clouds that cloak it as a white
  garment. It points down at the
  team. A booming voice says 'Go
  Thou and Guard My Sheep, My
  House, and My Servants. Thou
  Shalt Safeguard Them, Even At
  Risk Of Thine Own Lives, Or
  Thou Shalt Answer Unto Me.
  And Mighty Shalt Be Mine
  Displeasure!'. Anyone who
  answers back, fires weapons, or
  asks any questions is struck by
  lightning. Very traditional, but
  satisfying, all the same, n'est
  pas? Use damage column 15
  and chuckle a lot. Actually, it's
  a plasma pulse from a ceiling
  mounted projector that retracts
  behind a thick steel plate when
  it isn't in use, but knowing that
  somehow takes the romance
  away.
  The hand withdraws into the
  sky, which neatly closes again.
  A bot appears over the brow of
  the hill, says This way, please',
  and leads the way into the
  cottage.
  • The Green, Green Grass of Home
  The warehouse 
  is 
  'only'
  300x400m, with a 15m high
  ceiling, but it gives the impres-
  sion of having limitless horizons.
  Anyone walking far enough in
  any direction will eventually
  walk through the 'horizon' and
  into a wall. The walls and ceil-
  ing are covered in acoustic tiles
  which deaden echoes and muf-
  fle out the faint sounds of the
  Alpha Complex. A 'lake' in one
  corner seems to be kilometres
  across, but only a small portion
  actually exists. It is only 15cm
  deep. You might be interested to
  know that you can seriously
  drown (yourself or someone
  else) in 15cm of water.
  Two tunnels leave the
  warehouse behind the holo-
  grams. One leads deeper
  underground, and has been
  blocked by a roof fall, the other
  runs into a maze of tunnels, and
  ultimately leads into the sewers.
  Both tunnels are barred by huge
  blast doors.
  At several points holograms
  conceal roof pillars. Anyone
  looking at a pillar sees a record-
  ed image of the lawn and
  'horizon' beyond it, but won't
  see anything which moves
  behind it, such as a sheepbot.
  It's easy to spot the pillars
  themselves once you know they
  are there.
  Past-U-RAL has built an im-
  pressive cottage on a low hill in
  the middle of the warehouse. A
  simulated-wood veneer plastic
  sign identifies it as 'Rose Cot-
  tage'. There are master and
  guest bedrooms, with bath-
  rooms, a big lounge and recrea-
  tion area, a gymnasium, a kit-
  chen and servants quarters.
  All the rooms are luxurious-
  ly furnished in white, with
  white-on-white decorations. All
  rooms are fitted with conceal-
  ed cameras and microphones,
  linked to Past-U-RAL's desk con-
  sole. Most Troubleshooters will
  have difficulty identifying the
  furnishings, since they are total-
  ly unlike normal Alpha Complex
  fittings. For example, the main
  bedroom has a water bed with
  satin sheets, the recreation area
  has a bar and a jacuzzi, and all
  floors are carpeted. The kitchen
  contains 'real' foods for Past-U-
  RAL's occasional guests, and
  treated synthetics which lack
  the normal sex suppressant
  drugs.
  There's nothing of any great
  significance in the cottage,
  apart from the body of a robot
  at the bottom of the jacuzzi pool
  (its brain and left arm have been
  ripped from the torso) and
  various items of contraband.
  If the Troubleshooters ex-
  amine the cottage closely they
  will discover that the chimney
  stack is made of concrete while
  the other walls are made of
  lightweight foamed plastic
  blocks painted to look like bricks
  and timber beams. The thatch-
  ed roof is also fragile plastic. The
  walls can be destroyed by a
  blow, and bullets and laser
  beams won't find them much of
  a barrier. Let the Troubleshooters
  find this out for themselves later
  on. They'll thank you for the
  pleasure that this discovery will
  bring.
  The chimney stack conceals
  a lift (entered through a secret
  door in the lounge) and a
  delivery chute. The lift is Past-
  U-RAL's route to his office.
  Needless to say, (so why I am
  bothering to tell you?) the lift
  has been raised and the shaft is
  guarded by automatic lasers.
  The delivery chute is part of the
  Alpha complex automated
  supply system; if a clone is kill-
  ed a unconscious replacement
  will eventually be delivered to
  the kitchen.
  Right, back to the plot
  (again). The robot in the pool
  was MEL/ORS-340, the shep-
  herd and handyman. There are
  three other robot servants, all
  standard humanoid types:
  JEE/V-ES-229 is the butler.
  Its programming includes an Ag-
  ed Retainer personality module:
  'You rang, sir?' and other similar
  phrases are a major part of its
  conversation. JEE/V-ES has im-
  pressive range of domestic
  skills. However, it's an incredi-
  ble snob, and will do its best to
  keep Troubleshooters off the
  furniture, out of the pool, etc. It
  can generally be found in the
  lounge area or kitchen, or
  recharging in the servants
  quarters. It has a tray of stan-
  dard Alpha Complex foods
  ready to serve to the Trouble-
  shooters in the servants'
  quarters.
  HUD/S-ON-321 is cook and
  housekeeper. Its personality
  module is a Lovable Rustic
  Cook. It has a strange accent
  and often misuses words. Its
  optical sensors have been
  malfunctioning since the attack
  on MEL/O-RS-34, and it will
  assume that anything delivered
  via the service chute is food and
  should be put into the freezer.
  This includes clones. It spends
  its time in the kitchen and ser-
  vants quarters. It won't give the
  Troubleshooters 
  precious
  natural foods, but it believes in
  'proper' helpings of synthetics.
  FIF/l-FI-433 is housemaid
  and bodyguard. It has a French
  Maid personality, with an
  Amazon Warrior backup. Two
  polychrome ROYGBIV lasers are
  built into its torso. Its program-
  ming includes Laser-6, Melee-6,
  and Cleaning-3. It may be found
  anywhere in the cottage. FIF/I-
  Fl will throw out anyone steal-
  ing anything from the cottage,
  or kill anyone doing anything
  that might harm Past-U-RAL.
  If the Troubleshooters ques-
  tion the robots they'll be told
  nothing. All of the robots col-
  lapsed, were reactivated by The
  Master' and then discovered
  MEL/O-RS-340 in the pool. The
  Master noticed that sheep had
  been destroyed, told the robots
  to expect the Troubleshooters
  and left. The robots won't reveal
  any information about The
  Master. Anyone who makes ob-
  vious efforts to discover his
  identity, or does unnecessary
  damage, will be struck by lightn-
  ing (OK, plasma pulse, but it's
  more fun as lightning, isn't it?)
  the next time they leave the
  cottage.
  By now the 'sky' is getting
  dark, and JEE-V-ES-229 gets
  out some lanterns and strange
  metal poles with hooked ends.
  This is the equipment the
  Troubleshooters need them to
  watch the sheep. If anyone at-
  tacks the sheep or the house-
  hold robots without provocation
  before 'nightfall' the lightning
  will strike again. During the
  'night', however, Past-U-RAL
  can only see what's happening
  in the circle of light around each
  lantern.
  Allow the Troubleshooters to
  spend a few uneventful hours
  watching and counting sheep.
  Make Endurance rolls every so
  often, to avoid falling asleep on
  the job, then start the fun, sorry,
  attacks. After this, you'll never
  trust a lamb chop again.
  • The (Mint) Sauce of the Problem
  By now you should be ready to
  decide what's been happening.
  There are three main options.
  • Wolfbots In Sheep's Clothing
  Three killer robots built by a rival
  High Programmer have entered
  the warehouse. The killers are
  cunningly disguised as sheep-
  bots, but are actually fast, ex-
  tremely strong, and well-
  armoured warbots, with elec-
  tronic jammers which affect
  other robots (as ECM shells).
  They aren't particularly clever
  and are programmed to attack
  humans. MEL/O-RS-340 was
  sufficiently humanoid to fool
  one. There's only so much brain
  you can stuff into a petbot-sized
  warbot. Grrrrr.
  Make these robots as
  dangerous as you like. They will
  try to lure one Troubleshooter
  away from the others, then at-
  tack. Maintain ignorance and
  fear by refusing to describe the
  attackers until someone actually
  survives an attack. Since they'll
  usually go for the throat, a vic-
  tim won't be able to say very
  much... One of the robots is
  malfunctioning slightly - it will
  attack sheepbots if it can't find
  a human victim.
  After each attack the killers
  retreat to the lake, to wash off
  blood stains, then return to the
  flock. Their movements are con-
  cealed in the general roaming of
  the flock. Baaa.
  Continue the attacks until
  someone works out what's hap-
  pening. Then attack the clever
  little dicks with all three war-
  bots. Serves them right.
  • The Company of Wolfbots
  Something strange has happen-
  ed to the sheepbots. Their
  minds have somehow fused to
  form a group consciousness,
  and they have decided to
  eliminate all disgusting organic
  lifeforms. Mint sauce eaters, the
  lot of 'em. MEL/O-RS-340 spot-
  ted that something was up and
  was destroyed as a result. The
  five destroyed sheepbots didn't
  merge with the group mind, and
  were dealt with because the
  flock didn't trust them.
  If this option is used the pet-
  bots will make group attacks.
  For example, one or two would
  manoeuvre behind a Trouble-
  shooter to trip him up, then
  others would jump on top and
  start to tear him apart with their
  little feet and strong teeth, or
  crush him by sheer weight of
  19
  
  numbers. All that bleating and
  looking helpless is just a front.
  As in the first option, don't
  describe the attackers until so-
  meone survives, then make
  multiple attacks on the entire
  group.
  The sheepbots are small,
  unarmoured and as a group they
  have 45% melee skill. If all the
  sheepbots concentrate they can
  generate a strong ECM field.
  The mental link will collapse
  when eighty or more sheep
  have been destroyed. Optional-
  ly, the group mind can increase
  in power to take over the other
  bots, as described below.
  • The Butler Did It
  This is a bit obvious for
  Paranoia, which means that the
  players will think of it first.
  However, because this is
  Paranoia they will dismiss the
  idea as too obvious which
  means you can use it anyway.
  But then they know that the ob-
  vious is never what it seems.
  You know that they know. Look,
  just consider this alternative and
  damn the logic...
  One of the domestic robots
  has Gone Frankenstein and is
  responsible for the attacks,
  which were practice for attacks
  on humans. An ECM jammer is
  concealed somewhere in the
  servants quarters. The killer
  robot is shielded and immune
  and has a concealed data car-
  tridge containing Laser Pistol-7
  and Melee-7 programs.
  If the killer is JEE/V-ES-229
  it will use a steel bowler hat as
  a frisbee-like weapon (a la Odd-
  job), plus karate-style melee
  attacks.
  If the killer is HUD/S-
  ON-321, the preferred weapons
  are cooking knives and cleavers
  and, for the really ghoulish, large
  mincing machines. 'Accidents'
  with clones are nothing of the
  sort, and the optical sensors are
  in perfect condition.
  If the killer is FIF/l-FI-433 it
  will try to avoid using its lasers,
  preferring a strangling wire
  (stylish, but not terribly French)
  and other melee attacks.
  Optionally, all the robots
  have Gone Frankenstein. One
  altered the circuits of the other
  domestics, and gave them
  copies of its secret programs.
  They killed MEL/O-RS-340
  because it didn't want to join
  them. They are lying about the
  deactivation.
  The killer or killers will put
  on human clothing for the at-
  tacks, and should only be
  described when someone has
  survived an attack.
  20
  • In the Bleat of the Night
  Keep the identity of the at-
  tacker(s) secret for as long as
  possible. Start things quietly,
  and build towards a big end with
  clones dropping like flies (or
  even sheep ticks). You'll enjoy it
  more that way. So will the
  players, although you may not
  think it to look at them. Drive
  the 
  Troubleshooters 
  back
  towards the cottage. Let them
  barricade the doors and win-
  dows. Send the attackers in
  through those flimsy plastic
  walls. Reveal that the killer is
  already inside the building. Then
  give the Troubleshooters the bad
  news.
  When Past-U-RAL has ident-
  ified the killer(s) he'll take
  whatever 
  action 
  seems
  necessary. Necessary means
  sending in a few really big war-
  bots to pacify Rose Cottage.
  These warbots are fairly stupid,
  and will probably account for
  several Troubleshooters during
  the clean-up operations. Why
  bother stuffing a brain into a
  warbot-sized warbot? Don't let
  the Troubleshooters escape
  through the entrance used by
  the warbots.
  • We'll Bleat Again...
  As the survivors survey the
  wreckage, the sky is rent in
  twain again. A huge eye stares
  down at the team, and a rumbl-
  ing voice conducts a more or
  less standard debriefing. All
  traitors are given short but
  dramatic missions as lightning
  conductors. When Past-U-RAL
  is sure that he knows exactly
  what happened, the Trouble-
  shooters are given the white-
  mist-and-wake-up treatment.
  This time they have been strip-
  ped naked and are floating gent-
  ly downstream in a rubber raft
  in one of the main Alpha Com-
  plex sewers. The Computer
  demands a mission status
  report (even sewers have ter-
  minals for The Computer).
  Since they won't have ac-
  complished their official mis-
  sion, the Troubleshooters should
  be executed as traitors. Pathetic
  attempts to escape by describ-
  ing an imaginary cottage may
  make The Computer decide that
  the team have been driven in-
  sane and should be sent for rein-
  doctrination and routine therapy
  instead. Any gibbering wrecks
  that survive this ordeal should
  be sent back to the sewers to
  complete the mission as they
  should have done in the first
  place. Thank you for co-
  operation.
  Marcus Rowland
  
SOURCE: textdata/thevault/Paranoia [multi]/2nd edition/Paranoia 2e - Do Troubleshooters Dream of Electric Sheep.pdf