TEXT:  
   
   
       THE SHOW MUST… 
   
   
  A WARHAMMER TALE OF DEATH, DRAMA 
  AND MUSICAL COMEDY 
   
  By Steve Darlington 
  With Apologies to W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan 
   
  No pigs were harmed in the making of this adventure 
   
  The Show Must… is a humorous adventure for any number of characters with 
  almost any sort of skills.  At least one person in the party should have some 
  combat experience with a sword, and it might help (but be less amusing) if a 
  few have decent Fellowship scores or the Performer (Actor) skill.  The tale 
  centres on the characters being forced by circumstance to appear in the 
  premiere performance of a brand new operetta, a splendid and fantastical 
  work called Porcolina!  As such, there is little emphasis on combat and the 
  adventure will work best if your players are keen to “ham things up” when 
  their characters are on stage.  If your players are agreeable to such things, The 
  Show Must… makes an excellent adventure to break up the flow of job-
  hunting in a large town or city, so that not every job on the wall is either a 
  dead-end or an obvious continuation of the campaign.  
   
  Much of the fun of the adventure comes from the PCs being dropped in the 
  middle of a dramatic work they do not know but which everyone else around 
  them knows intimately.  To help communicate this feeling, GMs should study 
  the programme for Porcolina! in detail, until they become very familiar with 
  its complicated plot twists, over-the-top characters and ridiculous songs. 
   
  The adventure assumes that the action takes place in Nuln, but any large town 
  with a theatre scene will do equally well.  For more details on Nuln, see Forges 
  of Nuln.  For more on Entertainers, consult the Career Pamphlet here: 
  http://www.blackindustries.com/pdf/careers/entertainers.pdf 
   
   
   
   
   
   
  
  Background 
   
  The Countess Emmanuelle of Nuln is always keen to support exciting new 
  talent, and was pleased to sponsor the latest output of the World’s Edge 
  Theatre.  This year, this is the comic operetta Porcolina! by the exciting new 
  writing team of Silbert and Gullavane, and – in a box-office coup – they have 
  arranged for the legendary actor Detlef Sierck to play a major role.   With 
  Detlef in the cast and the Countess in the audience, there is a lot of pressure 
  for the production to be a smash hit.  If things don’t go smoothly, Detlef may 
  leave, and the Countess may withdraw her funding and the backers who 
  provided the rest of the capital will go broke, which might lead to the removal 
  of fingers.  Alternatively, if the Countess is really unimpressed, she may have 
  the entire cast executed for ruining her evening and her reputation – as she 
  did when last season’s The Black Duck of Morr proved to be ‘as long, dull and 
  pointless as one of Esmer’s morning blessings’.   
   
  High theatre has never been more deadly. 
   
  Meanwhile, things are not going smoothly backstage.  The last time 
  Sierck was in town, he dallied with the beautiful alto, Elena 
  Haffschtup, promising to take her to Altdorf and make her a star.  
  Sierck, as always, was making false promises to bed the pretty girl, 
  as he does in every production he is in.  Elena however was a 
  faithful (and naïve) young girl with a fanatic Sigmarite upbringing 
  and believed his promises to be binding.  Enraged to hear of 
  his exploits with a new paramour in Altdorf, Elena is 
  determined that upon Sierck’s return she will have her 
  revenge against the faithless philanderer who turned her 
  into a whore.  By stabbing him on stage she hopes to claim 
  his life and destroy his reputation.   
   
  To make sure that nobody interferes with her plan, she has 
  arranged to go drinking with her male co-stars a few 
  hours before the play opens.  There she intends to poison 
  them, knowing that any understudy who replaces them 
  will not know the fight scenes well enough to realise her 
  thrusts are not in the script, or that her blade is very 
  real. 
   
   
   
  Plot Summary 
   
  The PCs are hired by stage manager Pillory Bigfeast to do what looks like a 
  ridiculously easy job – teach a trio of noble-born layabouts how to sword fight 
  in a vaguely believable manner.  However, on the day of the show they find 
  their pupils have vanished and their stage manager begging them to help him 
  find them.  Investigation leads to The Crownéd Cat, an extremely snooty 
  gentleman’s club, which will take some getting into.  Once inside, they find the 
  actors very dead.  Upon reporting this back to the theatre, Pillory will do 
  everything he can to cajole the PCs to go on in their students’ stead, putting 
  
  them front and centre during the lovers’ altercation.  Can they save Dierck – 
  and the show – and themselves - from dying on stage? 
   
  Act One - The Deutz Elm 
   
  Everyone looking for work in Nuln goes to the Deutz Elm in the centre of 
  town.  That morning, the PCs arrive to see a brand new note pinned to the tree 
  (as seen in Handout 1, see Appendix 2), its parchment still light compared to 
  the rain-coloured ones behind.  It sounds too good to be true, but it’s probably 
  worth checking out.  If the PCs are hemming and hawing, have a few other 
  adventurers turn up and try to read the note.  Smart PCs will take it down as 
  soon as they read it.  Less smart PCs may have to make Agility tests to beat 
  any other applicants to the stage door. 
   
  (Note: If the PCs try to follow up on any of the other advertisements, you’re on 
  your own.  Most of them are decidedly unattractive, however, and have been 
  on the Elm for days or even weeks, but some PCs are hard to deter.  By some 
  miracle, the new ad will still be there later if they spend the morning chasing 
  down other possibilities.) 
   
  Blacksoot Way is not the street most people associate with the World’s Edge 
  Theatre – it’s a short alley just wide enough to get a cart through.  Here, away 
  from the polished stone stairs and gilded doors of the theatre’s front entrance, 
  is a simple black door, with a sign on it reading.  “Knocke Once, then Wait.” 
   
  The stage door of the World’s Edge is 
  manned by Hildegard Keinenaugen, aka 
  Old Hilda.  Hilda is as deaf as a post 
  (although she constantly assures people 
  she is not) and it will in fact require an 
  extremely loud series of knocks to raise 
  her attention, followed by a long, 
  shouting conversation to communicate 
  the PC’s purpose.  She will then go and 
  give a garbled report of it to Pillory.  
  Pillory will ask about their 
  qualifications, then explain the situation 
  in his usual fashion: 
   
  “Well, well, you can handle a sword 
  that’s all well and good but my brave 
  young boys wouldn’t know a pinion 
  from a pommel, and I don’t mean 
  figuratively in this particular case, 
  although as always, my eyes are closed 
  to such things but the point is, the word 
  is that now the Countess Emmanuelle, 
  oh how she vexes me, has found 
  something new for me to worry about 
  because rumour at the court is that 
  Lord Hellborg is visiting and – no, later 
  Pillory Bigfeast 
   
  Pillory Bigfeast was one of the elder children in 
  his family of thirteen and, at a young age, got 
  used to his parents despairing about each new 
  calamity they faced making a living on the 
  streets of Nuln.  As a result he grew up to be a 
  consummate pessimist, always convinced that 
  disaster, betrayal or cruel luck are but moments 
  away.  This actually makes him an excellent 
  stage manager as he is always double-checking 
  to ensure none of the millions of things he is 
  convinced will go wrong have not yet 
  eventuated.  He is often momentarily relieved 
  when something finally does go wrong, as it 
  always does in the theatrical world, because then 
  he can relax.  Pillory is also always convinced 
  that people are going to interrupt him, so he talks 
  constantly to prevent them from doing so.  
  Despite his nervous tics, his cast inevitably like 
  him because he cares about them and wants 
  them to do and be their best.  Pillory's stats, if 
  you need them, are at the end of this document. 
   
  Quote: They’re going to take my thumbs, I know 
  it, oh merciful Esmerelda, my poor little thumbs! 
  
  Eloise – and Lord Hellborg intends to escort her to the play and we ALL 
  know what that means, it means she’s going to ask his opinion and that 
  always means trouble, when that woman asks for an opinion you know she’s 
  only after blood, I tell you, and here’s me with enough blood on my hands 
  already, not literally of course – ELOISE, NOT NOW, PLEASE! – three days 
  to go, can you believe it, three days to go and now they drop this on me, and 
  if those boys are going to hold a sword and make it look anything like a real 
  fight they need proper training, with actual swords and so forth, I expect.  
  That’s what I need, fellows, a couple of stout young lads who know their way 
  around a blade and can teach the terrible trio – hem hem hem if only they 
  were less terrible I wouldn’t be having the ague all day long, would I? No, 
  and I’d have all my hair too I warrant - how not to look like mooncalves or 
  shiners under the lights on Konistag.  What do you say then, are you my 
  men?” 
   
  When they understand what was just said, Pillory will outline their duties 
  more clearly: teaching Hansel, Lorenz and Nicolas the basic principles of 
  swordplay so they look experienced on stage.  This will involve daily lessons of 
  a few hours each, for the three days leading up to the show.  Today is 
  Backertag: there’ll be a lesson today, tomorrow and in the morning of 
  Konistag before the last dress rehearsal; the show opens that night.  For this, 
  they will be paid 10 shillings a day, and be given free board at the Over The 
  Edge, the inn next door which hosts the theatre’s floating cast at such times.  
  Pillory is desperate and has given up trying to stay on any kind of budget so 
  will be happily bargained up to 2 crowns a day.  Once that is settled, he’ll take 
  them to meet their students, who are lounging about in the taproom of the 
  Over.  He'll also hand them a programme of the performance, which explains 
  further the characters and plot (Handout 2). 
   
  Hansel and Lorenz are both high-born, 
  over-educated under-achieving fops, who 
  think it’s jolly funny that they’re doing so well in 
  the biz, as they say, and that they get to read real-no-
  fooling honest-to-goodness warriors.  Hansel also enjoys the 
  fact that in these circles his nascent homosexuality is not frowned 
  upon but celebrated.  Lorenz isn’t so inclined but will play the game 
  for comic effect and will turn anything into a double entendre if 
  possible.  They will latch onto any PCs who are particularly 
  muscled and flirt with them constantly.  If they get any special 
  attention from any male PCs they will rub it in their rival’s face.   
  Nicolas is equally obnoxious but more stupid and considers 
  himself above this education – he claims to already know 
  swordplay and can’t understand why he was relegated to 
  such a minor part in favour of the talentless buffoons 
  he has the misfortune to call his co-stars.  He’ll try to 
  seem clever by guessing what his trainers were going to say, and if corrected, 
  pretend he was thinking of something else. 
   
  After this meeting, the PCs may wish to renegotiate with Pillory.  He’ll add 
  another crown if they promise to stay all three days.   
   
  
  The Teaching Begins 
   
  Both Pillory and the trio are keen to get started, and would prefer to train in 
  the morning.  You can role-play through these scenes as fast or as slowly as 
  you like, but here are some mechanics to simulate it. 
   
  For each session, up to four people may teach.  Each session, each trainer may 
  make up to three Weapon Skill Tests, maximum, and a session is only 
  completed once four Tests have been made (so at least two people have to 
  teach).  Once all the rolls are made (four per day for three days, a total of 12), 
  count up the number of successes and consult the chart below: 
   
  # of Successes 
   
   
  Outcome 
  0-2 
   
   
   
   
  The students are surly, hostile, and learn  
  nothing.  Their performances will suffer and 
  they will have their fathers call in some 
  Large Men to beat up the PCs for their 
  insolence (see Appendix 1 for stats).  These 
  paid goons will appear at any moment when 
  it would most annoy the PCs. 
   
  3-5 
   
   
   
   
  The students learn grudgingly but gain  
  enough skill to be believable with a sword.  
  No bonus or penalty. 
   
  6-8 
  The students end up respecting their  
  teachers, and learning fast as a result.  Their 
  performances excel in rehearsals, and 
  Pillory will give the PCs a slap-up dinner as 
  a reward. 
   
  9+ 
   
   
   
   
  Lorenz finds deep respect and admiration  
  for the PCs.  He asks if he might journey 
  with them when the show closes. 
  Meanwhile, the three actors fight like they 
  were born holding a sword.  The stage 
  combats will be breath-taking.  Pillory 
  doubles the PCs’ pay. 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
  Act Two - Actors Absent 
   
  After training on Konistag, the PCs will be approached by Pillory who will 
  comment on their performance (based on their roles above) and offer them 
  free tickets to the show that evening.  At the same time, Dierck will call all the 
  actors to the stage for final rehearsal.  Pillory suggests the PCs watch, or just 
  
  go home; if they return at sunset he will be able to pay them from the 
  preliminary ticket sales.  This may be a good opportunity to direct your 
  players back to the Deutz Elm or to otherwise begin following plots of other 
  adventures.  It may also provide an opportune moment for the 
  aforementioned Large Men to attack.  If the PCs have nothing else to do, 
  Pillory will offer them another half-crown to sell tickets at the Elm.   
   
  Two hours later, the actors rejoin to the Over the Edge, with some of the 
  richer ones deciding that in preparation for the show they should go 
  somewhere a bit more prestigious.  At this point, Elena will suggest to Hansel, 
  Lorenz and Nicolas that it would be hilarious for her to disguise herself as a 
  man and slip into The Crownéd Cat.  The three lads instantly agree, do a quick 
  make up job and set off.  Two hours after that is sundown, when all the actors 
  are due to return to the theatre.  A quarter of an hour later, Hansel, Lorenz 
  and Nicolas are nowhere to be found.  If the PCs have not yet returned, Pillory 
  sends runners into the streets to find them, otherwise he begs them for a 
  favour when they come to collect their wages. 
   
  “Ah, my fine bladesmen, ah, ah, tis always the way with the theatre, calamity 
  and calumny fall upon our heads or rather my head for whom else is going 
  to pick up the pieces when things fall apart, certainly not these young 
  sparrows and peacocks, not by Sigmar's Sausage!  To speak with clarity for 
  time is growing ever shorter, my leads, my good fellows, my leads are gone 
  – Hansel, Lorenz, young Nicolas that blushing fool, my leads the heart of my 
  play, the tenors, the broad beams upon which it all rests!  A gold crown to 
  you – to anyone! - who finds them and brings them back!  Try the pubs, my 
  stout fellows, go to the pubs, you know the dramatical muse and the fruits of 
  Taal, was ever the way ever the way, just as actors are late and us poor 
  cursed-by-the-Gods-stage managers – stage managers! - must go mad!” 
   
  If pressed for details, Pillory will collapse into tears soon after, then wave his 
  handkerchief and run back to the umpteen other disasters going on (Eloise's 
  new experimental skin cream is causing her skin to blister, the barn set keeps 
  catching fire from the smoke effects and Dierk is drunk as a lord, to name 
  three).  Roleplaying or Gossip Tests can winkle out the following information 
  from the rest of the (increasingly nervous) crowd: 
   
  • 
  Three or four people (nobody is sure how many) went off for a celebratory 
  pre-show drink at some upper-class tavern. 
   
  • 
  If Hansel's with them, they've probably gone to The Crownéd Cat, which is 
  in Handelbezirk.  Hansel’s a member, and only members and their friends 
  can get in. 
   
  • 
  Some people saw Lorenz and some others laughing themselves silly over 
  something, probably a prank or something. 
   
  • 
  The show starts in forty five minutes.  If the leads aren't back by then, the 
  Countess will probably have half the cast executed.  (At this news, most of 
  the sopranos break into tears, then realise their tears will ruin their voices, 
  
  so cry harder.  Outlandish PCs may like to make sweeping promises to get 
  the girls to stop.) 
   
  The Crownéd Cat 
   
  The Crownéd Cat is a highly exclusive club with entry typically only restricted 
  to members and their friends, and membership restricted only to the most 
  noble citizens of Nuln.  Although it is close to the theatre, finding its 
  unmarked red door isn't easy: it takes ten minutes plus or minus two minutes 
  for each degree of success or failure on a Gossip Test.  Then comes the uestion 
  of getting in.  ` 
   
  The foyer of the Crownéd Cat contains one triple-chinned clerk behind a desk 
  and four very Large Men.  The clerk is there to 
  decide who can and cannot enter the prestigious 
  premises, and the four men are there to enforce 
  his will.  The Cat prides itself on security and 
  privacy for its members, as well as preserving the 
  right kind of clientele.  Since the PCs will likely 
  not be members, they will have to pass 
  themselves off as either visiting nobles, keen for a 
  tour, or friends of a member (the Countess 
  Emmanuelle is not a believable contact for almost 
  any PC) or as messengers.  Even pretending to be 
  messengers may require some use of the Charm, 
  Blather or Intimidate skill, with modifiers, as the 
  clerk has heard many a tragic tale of lost seals and 
  papers by young students trying to get in on a 
  dare (it's a regular part of Twerps Week at the 
  Nuln College of Medicine).  The Disguise skill 
  might also be important, as the club has several ancient and unbreakable rules 
  about people allowed even into the foyer.  These include: 
   
  � No females  
  � No dwarfs 
  � No halflings, excepting personal servants of members 
  � No one under the age of twenty, unless accompanies by a member 
  � No weapons or armour, including ceremonial weapons 
  � All present must wear tights or stockings that reach the feet, polished 
  shoes, a buttoned doublet and a ruff.  Gloves are optional but 
  encouraged. 
  � No ostentatious or overly large scarves, capes, kerchiefs, buttonholes or 
  other breast-adornment.  The clerk decides what constitutes 'overly 
  large'. 
  � No excessive giggling or mirth.  Again, the clerk decides what is 
  'excessive' 
  � No excessive moustaches or facial hair.  You see the pattern. 
  � No riff-raff (just a general guideline) 
   
  The Crownéd Cat
  
  You may use these and any other obscure rules you invent to annoy your 
  players for as long as you judge appropriate.  Eventually, the players will 
  resort to a couple of strategies: 
   
  � Ask the clerk or someone else to take a message to one of the actors. 
  The clerk will do so for a gratuity (at least 1 gc) and will return in five 
  minutes to tell them that he delivered the message, and there was no 
  reply. 
   
  � Bribe the clerk or someone else for information.  Pretty much anyone in 
  the building knows the following information: four young lads came in, 
  and ordered brandy and cigars for an upstairs room.  One of them later 
  left, the others are presumably well in their cups and haven't called for 
  the servants for a while.  However, the Crownéd Cat prides itself on 
  absolute discretion for its members and getting this information from 
  any staff will not be cheap at all.  Each nugget of information will cost 
  d10/2 * 10 crowns(!) - an enormous amount but reflective of how much 
  work the bribed staff member will have to do to ensure his indiscretion 
  is untraceable, and that he can find another job if it is not.  Actual 
  members of the club will be more forthcoming, but are typically slow-
  witted and don't remember quite so well; nor do they respond well to 
  urgency.  The Crownéd Cat is a place to relax, after all. 
   
  � Talk/lie/whine/bully their way in.  This works, if the disguises are good 
  enough and the lies slick enough (two halflings in a coat and won't do 
  it).  However the clerk will probably be suspicious and may follow them 
  around.  Any shifty business from the PCs will have them all thrown out 
  by the aformentioned large men. 
   
  � Fight their way in.  The large men are pretty tough (see Appendix One 
  for their stats) and not stupid, and as soon as a fight breaks out, the 
  clerk will send for the Watch.  In short, this is 
  really only a temporary solution and an 
  incredibly risky one with dire consequences 
  (the clerk has seen all their faces) – but it 
  will work for tonight. 
   
  � Sneak in.  This works surprisingly well.  
  The Cat pays the local organised 
  criminals very well to make sure it is 
  not robbed; indeed, a few local crime 
  lords are long-standing members.   As 
  a result its physical defences are 
  lacking.  The upper storey windows can 
  be reached with a few Scale Sheer 
  Surface rolls, and are not locked.  These 
  lead to a variety of small smoking rooms 
  and parlours that aren't occupied, or only 
  hold a few old men very drunk on sherry or 
  deeply focussed on a game of backgammon.  
  Again, however, this is a short-term and risky 
  
  solution, as passing staff will investigate noises and scream if the wrong 
  sort of people are discovered where they shouldn't be.  Disguising 
  themselves as servants will only work on customers unless the disguise 
  is phenomenally good: all the staff know each other by sight. 
   
  � Something else.  Players are a clever bunch and The Crownéd Cat 
  incident is supposed to be amusingly annoying not frustrating, so be 
  ready to let anything entertaining have a good chance of succeeding.  
  Magic will be inordinately helpful, particularly Shadow magic, but 
  there are other options.  Distractions, such as setting the building on 
  fire, should not be discouraged. 
   
  No map of The Crownéd Cat is included herein, but the map of the Yellow 
  Boot on the Black Industries website will do perfectly.  The murder scene is on 
  the second floor.  You can find the map here:  
  http://www,blackindustries.com/images/maps/yellow-boot.jpg 
   
   
  The Grisly Tableau 
   
  Whether they see if first hand or hear 
  about it, the information will be the 
  same.  The four youths headed up to a 
  private salon with a fine bottle of 
  Bretonnian brandy and four glasses.  
  Three of them – definitely Hansel, 
  Lorenz and Nicolas - are found lying on 
  couches, stone dead, their spilled 
  glasses on the floor beside them, and 
  their tongues stained green.  A fourth, 
  full glass stands on the sideboard.  
  Examining the brandy in either the 
  bottle or glass indicates (with a 
  successful Academic Knowledge 
  (Alchemy) Test) a hint of nightshade. 
   
  Nothing was taken from the bodies.  In 
  fact, it looks like the killer tidied up 
  somewhat before they left.  The staff of 
  the Cat are payed handsomely to not 
  remember anyone who enters their door 
  but if encouraged to break that rule, 
  they (or a helpful customer) will describe the fourth member of the group as 
  being much like the other three: theatrical in manner and in dress, giggling 
  about something, and only distinct in being perhaps the youngest and 
  slimmest of the four. 
   
  Note that if the PCs discover the murder, they will have a trump card to use 
  against the Cat.  The club cannot let the slightest hint of such an event destroy 
  their reputation and as such can be coerced into forgetting about anything 
  improper that the PCs may have done previously, such as breaking in or 
  The Mountain Comes to Mohammed 
   
  If the PCs are having trouble coming up with a 
  way to get into the Crownéd Cat (or coming up 
  with a way they think will succeed) you can 
  help them out by having the information come 
  to them.  Eventually, the staff will discover the 
  dead youths and send one of the large men into 
  the street to seek assistance.  Unless the PCs are 
  hiding, he will likely even seek out them.  
  Whomever he rounds up will be paid a crown 
  each to move the bodies a few doors down to a 
  wine cellar until their parents can be alerted, 
  thus preventing the families and the Cat from 
  any embarrassment or misunderstanding.  The 
  crown of course comes with the assumption of 
  Seeing Nothing and not telling anyone about 
  what they Didn't See.  PCs roped in will get to 
  see the scene in detail and hear more from the 
  large man who hires them; failing this the 
  impromptu porters who exit carrying the 
  Suspiciously Large Laundry Sacks will break 
  their promise of silence for d10/2 crowns. 
  
  damaging some of the large men, as long as the PCs promise to keep their 
  mouth shut.  Both sides may have to concoct a story for the Watch about a 
  'terrible misunderstanding' but that should not prove difficult (the Watch in 
  Nuln are notoriously corrupt, for starters). 
   
  With the loose ends tied up but a mystery unsolved, the PCs will have little 
  recourse but to rejoin to the World's Edge to report their sad tidings. 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
  Act Three – A Change in Tonight’s Programme 
   
  In the time the PCs have been gone, panic has spread through the cast.  Long 
  before they return, Pillory has already made his decision.  There is only one 
  understudy for the men's parts, and he's currently nursing a shattered face 
  after he suggested that he could take over for the rather drunk Detlef.  The 
  only people vaguely qualified to fill the shoes of the leads are the people who 
  have spent the last three days running over their lines to time with the sword 
  thrusts.  The moment the PCs appear at the stage door, therefore, he smiles 
  wanly while costumiers step behind the three most suitable individuals and 
  push them into doublets.  Pillory explains in his usual style: 
   
  “Nothing for it, my lovelies, my dears, no, no need to say a word, not a one, I 
  read it in your faces, and I feel as if, deep down, I already knew, we hadn't 
  had a really first class disaster at the Edge for five years now, but fortune 
  favours the brave and the show must go on, and you'll be fine, you look just 
  perfect, you were born for it, really, I mean, as I say, deep down, I think I 
  always knew, something was calling you, perhaps?  The stage never makes a 
  mistake they say.  Just remember, it's like falling off a log, it's all in there, 
  you'll get it out, Elena and Eloise will help you, of course, and Detlef works 
  best with a blank slate, we'll just skip the songs where we can, explain later 
  that your voices were weak and give everyone a refund for a renewed and 
  envigorated performance on the morrow, if we all live so long, Esmerelda 
  and Sweet Duncan, if we all should live so long!” 
   
  The dressers who jump the PCs may look like old women but they've spent a 
  lifetime getting recalcitrant young people into ridiculous doublets and 
  miniscule corsets and it will require a successful Strength or Agility Test to 
  escape their clutches.  If the characters verbally protest, Pillory will explain 
  that the only thing more likely to ensure they are all executed by the Countess 
  than a bad show is no show at all, and that all theatre is already a bluff so the 
  audience won't notice.  If they continue to protest, Pillory starts sniffing, 
  deconstructing the set and penning a letter to his parents out loud along the 
  following lines: 
   
  
  “Dearest Mama and Papa.  I know you and I both hoped and dreamed that I 
  your favourite son would grow up to make you both proud upon the stage 
  and with my meagre earnings support our family in your dotage but alas it 
  is not to be for tomorrow I shall die in agony with a spike up my 
  bottom...please dry the tears of little Thrinicent; tell Holdfast I wish I could 
  have taught him how to fish in the summer; be sure to not sell the little ones 
  into slavery until the winters are at their most terrible, I am sure that 
  somehow, you will find a way to feed them all, perhaps you could sell 
  Portymead's feet to the reve...etc etc etc” 
   
  The PCs can flee.  Nobody in the cast is strong or fast enough to stop them.  If 
  they do so, Pillory puts on an impromptu collection of dances and songs from 
  Porcolina! and other works.  As a result, he and his cast are thrown in a 
  debtor's prison for however long it takes to die slowly of Scurvy Madness.  The 
  Countess turns the World's Edge into a equestrian centre, while Gullivane and 
  Silbert flee to Tilea, their reputation in ruins.  Deltef is spared prison due to 
  his connections, but hangs himself in shame.  This eventually reaches the ears 
  of the Vampire Genevieve, and she will come looking for the PCs with 
  vengeance in mind. 
   
  If the PCs do stay, of course, then there are general huzzahs at such bravery 
  and heroism from the whole cast – just the stuff theatre is made of!  Within 
  three minutes the newly formed actors are primed and powdered and waiting 
  in the wings.  And now the fun really starts... 
   
  An Actor's Life For Me 
   
  First of all, the PCs need to choose who will be playing Lysanter and Salacio, 
  and who will take the much smaller role of the Butcher, who is only really 
  needed for a duel scene at the end of each Act.  Lysanter and 
  Salacio have five main scenes before the climax of the first 
  act, and they are as follows: 
   
  Scene Four: The two gentlemen come to the farm, 
  announcing their intents with the song “Ah, A-
  Wooing We Do Go”.   
   
  Scene Five:  The gentlemen spy their adored 
  Dulcina (Eloise), and urge her to come away 
  from her father and sister to sit with them by 
  the stream.  There, each pledges their love to 
  her to be as the perfect things of nature, 
  although all the while, poor Dulcina is annoyed 
  by the very things they describe.  The song here 
  is “As the Lightest Springtime Breezes” and 
  involves some complex wordplay, but it cannot 
  be omitted.  The scene ends with Lysenter and 
  Salacio challenging each other to a duel. 
   
  Scene Six: Lysenter and Salacio return with swords 
  ready, eager to fight the duel.  They sing “Upon My 
  
  Honour, Sir” as they describe how insulted they are by the other, but don't 
  actually fight.   
   
  Scene Eight: Lysenter and Salacio sing about how each of them promised 
  Dulcina they would not fight – but how they assuredly would if another suitor 
  was to steal their lady.  This is another comic argument. 
   
  Scene Nine: This is the big duel scene, as Lysenter and Salacio discover the 
  Butcher with their love (Eloise in a pig costume) in his arms.  A great and 
  fantastic duel occurs, while Bastando (Detlef), the angry father, also sneaks on 
  stage.  Spying the lads he blames for all his troubles, he announces he will kill 
  them also, and a four-way duel begins.  Soon enough, Bastando tires but 
  declares “If I cannot stop these fools from their matrimony-making / I can at 
  least make some delicious eggs and bacon!” and moves to kill his porcine 
  daughter while the others fight on.  At the last moment, Dulcetta (Elena) 
  rushes on and stays his hand.  However, in this version, Ducletta intends to 
  stab Detlef in the stomach, thus ruining the scene and killing her faithless 
  lover. 
   
  Pillory has already made some edits due to the situation.  Scene six has been 
  cut, it's not necessary and the dialogue is too complicated.  Scene eight can be 
  shortened to run straight into Scene Nine.  Scenes four and five however are 
  vital to the plot and involve lots of characters talking to Lysenter and Salacio.  
  It is up to whomever takes those parts to carry the play through those scenes. 
   
  The mechanics for this are as follows: 
   
  Each actor must choose if they are going to rely on how well they remember 
  the lines (and thus use their Intelligence characteristic) or how well they think 
  they can bluff (and thus use Fellowship).  If they are using memory, they may 
  add +5% to their Intelligence if they possess the Acute Hearing Talent or the 
  Academic Knowledge (Arts) Skill (+10% if they have both).  If they are using 
  Fellowship, they may add +5% if they have the Public Speaking Talent or the 
  Performer (Actor) Skill (+10% if they have both).  Regardless of which ability 
  they use, they may add +5% for each lesson of swordplay they gave to the 
  actors, to represent what they picked up through osmosis during those 
  sessions – and another +5% if they watched the final dress rehearsal. 
   
  This final total is the skill the two acting PCs will use to get through the scenes.  
  This works just like the swordfighting training above: each PC must make 
  three rolls per scene for the two difficult scenes, for a total of twelve rolls.  The 
  results are as follows: 
   
  # of Successes 
   
   
  Outcome 
  0-2 
  The audience begins booing and walking  
  out.  The Countess is visibly displeased, and 
   
   
   
   
  is seen whispering to her Chief Executioner  
  in the stalls.  At this point, a Fate point 
  might save the show at the last second (a 
  little doggie runs on from nowhere and does 
  a dance). 
  
   
  3-5 
   
   
   
   
  The audience is a bit confused but most  
   
   
   
   
   
  decide it is some avant-garde trend in  
   
   
   
   
   
  experimental theatre.  If the mumbling  
  quiets down in the second act, the cast  
  may just get out alive. 
   
  6 -8  
  The pauses are short enough and the  
   
  stumbles are mostly hidden: the audience  
   
  doesn’t pick up that anything is really  
   
  wrong.  The  shows success depends on 
  how well they get through the second act, 
  but things are looking good. 
   
  9+ 
   
   
   
   
  Something in the rawness of the moment  
   
   
   
   
   
  calls forth a heretofore unknown ability in  
  the PCs.  Somehow the play works better 
  with the new lines and nervous 
  performances.  It could be a tour de force 
  that packs the house for months.  Pillory 
  will demand the PCs continue with their 
  performances for the entire season, and 
  they can now enter the Entertainer career if 
  they wish. 
   
  Note that you shouldn't simply ask for twelve rolls and then announce the 
  result.  It is better to give the players an idea of how many successes they 
  require, and then describe the reaction of the crowd after each individual roll 
  progresses them along the track.  You might also allow them to take penalties 
  on their rolls in return for multiple successes if they succeed, or other such 
  mechanical twists.  If you present it right, the building suspense should have 
  players spending Fortune points and praying to Ranald for that last success to 
  save the show. 
   
  Meanwhile, Backstage… 
   
  Some players may be content to simply watch their fellows wing their way 
  through theatrical hell and need take no further part in those scenes.  Others 
  will need tasks and purposes of their own.  There are plenty of possibilities. 
   
  They may try to prompt those on stage, through the use of whispering or 
  writing the libretto on large pieces of wood, or other outlandish schemes.  
  They might even grab a costume and head on stage to help out.  If these ideas 
  seem plausible, they may grant an extra 5% or a re-roll at a crucial moment.  
  Other PCs may wish to continue to the hunt for the murderer: a successful 
  Hard (-20%) Gossip Test will prompt someone to remember that nobody saw 
  Elena all afternoon.  Wary of discovery, Elena is hiding in the prop cupboard 
  between her scenes, so will take some finding.  What’s more, Pillory will object 
  (with force, if need be) to anyone taking more of his cast away before the play 
  is done. 
   
  
  If the PCs angered the Watch or some Large Men in previous scenes, you 
  could even have said people turn up backstage, with a desire to arrest or injure 
  the brave souls on stage.  While the actors save the show with stage fighting, 
  their compatriots may be fighting for real to keep them on stage! 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
  Act Four - Stage Blood 
   
  Once they get past the acting, the PCs still have to do the fight scenes.  The 
  characters playing Lysanter, Salacio and the Butcher have to fight each other, 
  and then Detlef will join in as Bastando.  Run a standard combat for six 
  rounds before Bastando appears, then another four with him.  For once, 
  however, the players are trying to miss, not hit!  To simulate this, the players 
  are considered to have not hit their opponent if they roll within two degrees of 
  success or failure on their Weapon Skill.  If they roll more than two degrees of 
  success, their military training kicks in and they hit their opponents squarely.  
  If they roll more than two degrees over their skill, they incompetently blunder 
  into their opponents flesh.  Thankfully the swords are wooden and only count 
  as Improvised Weapons (SB-4).   
   
  Detlef is too damn professional to hit anyone, or to give any sign if he is 
  wounded by anyone (until he gets off stage, at which point he will be hellishly 
  furious and fire the offending PC on the spot).  Assuming nobody actually dies 
  on stage, Dulcetta (Elena) will enter on cue, with a blade hidden in her sleeve.  
  Anyone specifically watching her may make a Perception Test to notice this; 
  even if they fail they will notice she is visibly nervous and coated in sweat – 
  very strange for a professional like Elena. 
   
  Everyone on stage and in the wings will see her stab Detlef; the question then 
  remains what do they do about it.  Run the combat as normal; Elena will do 
  everything she can to direct all her attacks onto Detlef, only attacking others if 
  she has no other possible choice.  She fights to the death, becoming more and 
  more hysterical with rage as she does so, screaming about faithless, evil men 
  and the wages of sin.  Demand regular rolls on Fellowship for acting PCs to try 
  and cover this up.  Elena’s stats are in Appendix 1, Detlef’s can be found on 
  page five of the Entertainer Career Pamphlet,  here: 
  (http://www.blackindustries.com/pdf/careers/entertainers.pdf) 
   
  After five rounds, the curtain drops suddenly, and people will come and try to 
  help the PCs stop Elena (assuming they haven’t come already).  She may be 
  restrainable with successful grapples and Disarms, but it will become obvious 
  that she is completely insane in her need for bloody vengeance.  No matter 
  what is done with her, there will be at least one person who will not be coming 
  back after interval.  Unless Detlef lost a limb, he will insist on returning: he 
  would act on his deathbed if need be to keep the show going.  Detlef will also 
  apologetically explain Elena’s motives, although in his eyes, he did nothing 
  
  more than whisper a bit of pillow talk over a bottle of wine.  He is saddened 
  for the girl, but does not consider himself truly culpable for such an 
  disproportionate action. 
   
  Last Minute Re-Write 
   
  So the show will go on.  The problem is that the plot now makes no sense.  The 
  audience clearly saw Dulcetta acting with insane rage, trying to kill her father, 
  screaming to the crowd that he was faithless and cruel, and a scourge upon all 
  womankind.  Now she's absent (and has no understudy) and the chance of a 
  happy ending is somewhat lost – but a tragic ending won't fit a comic 
  operetta.  During the interval, it is up to the PCs to write a new ending that 
  makes as much sense as possible.  This, not the combat, is the true climax of 
  the adventure, and the one that will determine the success of the play.  Let the 
  players read through the synopsis in the programme again, then set them a 
  time limit of fifteen minutes, by which time the interval will be over.  Anything 
  not yet sorted out will have to be hashed out on stage. 
   
  There is of course no right or wrong answer here.  It is simply a device to get 
  your players engaging in some quick-fire creativity.  Those players who thrive 
  on this should be encouraged to come up with new song titles as well, 
  explaining in great detail how they weave the strangled plot back towards a 
  happy ending, or as close as they can get. 
   
  For players who don't like this exercise, you can instead use mechanics.  Give 
  them fifteen seconds to make as many Intelligence rolls as they can.  If anyone 
  rolls six successes or more, they come up with an idea.  If nobody does, or if 
  the PCs cannot think of a good idea using the method above, Pillory closes the 
  show on account of a sudden death.  All tickets are refunded, causing Pillory to 
  go broke (see Further Adventures). but the tragic circumstances cause the 
  Countess to spare him and his cast any further punishment. 
   
  But if the PCs do come up with something plausible, and, most importantly, 
  entertaining, you should let them keep the show going on.  Act Two plays out 
  to whatever end they manage to get to, the curtain falls and the audience, 
  strangely enough, applauds.  Soon after, Silbert and Gullavane come 
  backstage and say they much prefer the new ending, and demand the cast 
  never reveal their original, lesser script.  They rewrite the new ending with 
  better dialogue and Pillory finds real actors to replace his momentary stars, 
  but the new version of Porcolina! turns out to be a hit – a hit that no-one will 
  ever know that the PCs really wrote. 
   
  Every player should get 75 XP for completing this adventure, with an extra 50 
  XP handed out for truly fantastic ideas for concluding the opera or new song 
  titles. 
   
  Further Adventures 
   
  The Countess only funded the show in part; the rest of the money came from 
  several investors, including Pillory himself.  The money he invested came from 
  a Tilean gangster known only as “The Big D”.  He was desperately hoping that 
  
  the play would flop because then he would have Pillory in his pocket, and be 
  able to coerce the Halfling into helping him expand his criminal empire.  If the 
  play fails, Pillory will seek out the PCs to help him out of this predicament.  If 
  the play is a success, Pillory will ask for protection in case D is more enraged 
  by Pillory paying his debts than by him not paying them.  All sorts of intrigue 
  are possible on the streets of Nuln. 
   
  If things went really bad, Pillory might even want to skip town.  He has a 
  brother who works in Praag, thousands of miles to the north (see Realm of the 
  Ice Queen for more).  This could be a great way to start an adventure in the 
  Empty Quarter. 
   
  If things go well, the PCs may have new careers in the acting trade.  Travelling 
  with a touring show is a great way to move characters through various cities, 
  which could allow them to follow the events of Paths of the Damned or the 
  Enemy Within.  New characters may also join the fold: Maldivri, though cast 
  as the fool is nothing of the sort, and he seeks to live the adventures he 
  performs.  Eloise’s family is extremely theatrical and quite wealthy to boot, 
  and always looking for stout young men to seek out lost family heirlooms, 
  scout out new talent and everything in between.  If Detlef owes them his life, 
  he may introduce them or direct them towards his once-lover, Genevieve, who 
  may have some problems specific to her particular purview.  He can also 
  introduce them to high society, which could lead to yet another type of 
  campaign.  On stage, as in the ancient arena, a simple rat catcher can become 
  a God, and one moment of triumph may open a thousand new doors, to a 
  thousand new careers, new lives and new stories. 
   
  But those are stories for another day.  
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
  
  Appendix One: Statistics 
   
  Pillory Bigfeast, A Manic Manager 
   
  Pillory had an inauspicious beginning to his life, turning to grave-robbing to 
  escape abject poverty.  How he clawed his way into becoming a burgher is a 
  story he tells no-one, and fears every day will be exposed.  Pillory is paranoid, 
  not least because sometimes his premonitions come true due to his Sixth 
  Sense.  However, his paranoia makes him a gifted stage manager.  The job 
  suits him like a glove and he'll do anything to stay in the role, and protect his 
  players and productions. 
   
  Career: Artisan (ex-Tradesman, ex-Burgher, ex-Grave Robber) 
   
  Race: Halfling 
   
  Main Profile  
   
  WS 
  BS 
  S 
  T 
  Ag 
  Int 
  WP 
  Fel 
  33 
  46 
  18 
  24 
  52 
  34 
  40 
  51 
   
  Secondary Profile 
   
  A 
  W 
  SB 
  TB 
  M 
  Mag 
  IP 
  FP 
  1 
  13 
  1 
  2 
  4 
  0 
  2 
  2 
   
  Skills: Academic Knowledge (Genealogy/Heraldry), Common Knowledge 
  (Empire, Halflings), Drive, Evaluate, Gossip, Haggle, Perception, Read/Write, 
  Scale Sheer Surface, Search, Secret Signs (Thief), Silent Move, Speak 
  Language (Guild Tongue, Halfling, Kislev, Reikspiel), Trade (Artist, 
  Calligrapher, Cook, Merchant) 
   
  Talents: Artistic, Dealmaker, Etiquette, Flee!, Night Vision, Resistance to 
  Chaos, Resistance to Disease, Sixth Sense, Specialist Weapon Group (Sling), 
  Streetwise, Suave* 
   
  Armour: None 
   
  Armour Points: Head 0, Arms 0, Body 0, Legs 0 
   
  Weapons: Damp Kerchief (SB-10) 
   
  Trappings: Stylus, clipboard, worried expression 
   
   
   
  
  Elena Haffschtup, A Woman Scorned 
   
  Elena was raised in a strictly religious household, where the only word was the 
  word of Sigmar and the only entertainment allowed was singing hymns of 
  praise.  She risked everything to follow her dream to the theatre, and surviving 
  that change took a lot out of her, so that her rosy cheeks are now slightly 
  sullen, and her brow furrows under her blonde hair.  Although a talented 
  actress and singer, she carried with her to her new life her father’s certainty 
  that the stage is nothing but the work of whores and sinners, and when Detlef 
  betrayed her, she was as enraged at herself as she was him.  Her attack is as 
  much suicide as it is murder. 
   
  Career: Zealot (ex-Entertainer, ex-Student) 
   
  Race: Human 
   
  Main Profile  
   
  WS 
  BS 
  S 
  T 
  Ag 
  Int 
  WP 
  Fel 
  43 
  23 
  31 
  41 
  45 
  41 
  35 
  52 
   
  Secondary Profile 
   
  A 
  W 
  SB 
  TB 
  M 
  Mag 
  IP 
  FP 
  1 
  14 
  3 
  4 
  4 
  0 
  2 
  2 
   
  Skills: Academic Knowledge (Arts, Theology), Animal Care, Charm, Common 
  Knowledge (Empire), Gossip +10, Perception, Performer (Actor) +10, 
  Read/Write, Search, Sleight of Hand, Speak Language (Classical, Reikspiel 
  +10) 
   
  Talents: Etiquette, Lightning Reflexes*, Mimic, Public Speaking, Resistance to 
  Magic, Specialist Weapon Group (Throwing), Suave*, Super Numerate, Very 
  Resilient* 
   
  Armour: None 
   
  Armour Points: Head 0, Arms 0, Body 0, Legs 0 
   
  Weapons: Short sword (SB+0) 
   
  Trappings: Several costumes, short-hair wig, silver hammer necklace 
   
   
   
  
  Large Men, A Few Looming Goons 
   
  These are the statistics for the bouncers who work at the Crownéd Cat, but 
  they may be useful elsewhere.  The men at the Cat are all terribly polite but 
  can't help but chuckling mockingly at anyone who tries to put one over them.  
  They'll keep chuckling in a fight too, as they like nothing more than a good bit 
  of violence.  If they need names, choose from the following:  Blauch, Gelber, 
  Grunner, Russ, Schwartz and Viessman.  Adjust their numbers and strategies 
  to suit the toughness of your PCs. 
   
  Career: Valet (ex-Bodyguard, ex-Thug) 
   
  Race: Human 
   
  Main Profile  
   
  WS 
  BS 
  S 
  T 
  Ag 
  Int 
  WP 
  Fel 
  41 
  31 
  44 
  45 
  42 
  29 
  47 
  30 
   
  Secondary Profile 
   
  A 
  W 
  SB 
  TB 
  M 
  Mag 
  IP 
  FP 
  2 
  16 
  4 
  4 
  4 
  0 
  1 
  2 
   
  Skills: Common Knowledge (Empire), Consume Alcohol, Dodge Blow +10, 
  Gamble, Gossip, Heal, Intimidate +10, Perception, Search, Secret Language 
  (Thieves' Tongue), Speak Language (Reikspiel) 
   
  Talents: Coolheaded*, Disarm, Etiquette, Excellent Vision, Lightning 
  Reflexes*,  Quickdraw, Specialist Weapon Group (Parrying), Streetfighting, 
  Strike to Stun, Very Strong*, Very Resilient*, Wrestling 
   
  Armour: Medium Armour (Leather Jack, Chain Shirt) 
   
  Armour Points: Head 0, Arms 1, Body 3, Legs 0 
   
  Weapons: Hand Weapon (Cudgels and Coshes) 
   
  Trappings: Terribly polite demeanour, most of their teeth 
   
  
  Appendix Two: Handouts 
  The Show Must… - Handout #1 
   
  T 
  •    URGENT! 
  Good with a sword? 
  Want EASY MONEY? 
   
  10 S a day plus room 
  and Board! 
  Apply Worlds EDGE 
  THEATRE, BLACKSOOT WAY 
  (STAGE DOOR) 
   
  SPEED ESSENTIAL! 
  
   
  The Show Must… - Handout #2 
   
  1 
  Due to the Infinite Benevolence of the Countess Emanuelle of Nuln 
  and 
  By Arrangement with the Brueghel Theatre of Altdorf 
  and the World’s Edge Theatre of Nuln 
   
  the Gunnery School Theatrical Playerf are Extremely Proud to Prefent  
  their latest production of 
   
  Porcolina! 
  or “The Goodly Wife” 
   
  A ftunning New Operatical Achievement 
  From  
  Herr S.W. Silbert  
  and  
  Alturo Gallavane, Esq. 
   
  Acclaimed Minftrels of the Court 
  By Appointment of the Countess 
  and Famed Throughout the Known Worlde 
   
  Featuring 
  the One and Only 
  Playwright, Hero of the Ages and Legend of the Stage 
  Deltef Sierck 
  By Arrangement with the Vargr Breughel Theatre 
   
  Tickets on sale from 4th of Mitterfruhl 
  Boxes 1gc, Stalls 10/6, Gallery 2-, Floor 10p 
   
  No weapons, animals or vegetables to be brought inside the theatre 
  
   The Cast 
   
  Dulcina (Soprano) 
   
   
  … 
   
  Eloise von Stafhen 
  Dulcetta (Alto) 
   
   
  … 
   
  Elena Haffschtup 
  Lysenter (Tenor) 
   
   
  … 
   
  Hansel Burrelkint 
  Salacio (Tenor) 
   
   
  … 
   
  Lorenz Drecker 
  Bastando (Bass) 
   
   
  … 
   
  Detlef Sierck 
  Cellano, the Village Idiot (Tenor) 
  … 
   
  Maldivri Verscitanno 
  Mother Rhya (Alto)  
   
  … 
   
  R. Grossner 
  Taal/The Old Priest (Baritone) 
  … 
   
  Breckner von Haasel 
  Porcalina (Soprano)  
   
  … 
   
  Danna von Unscht 
   
  Butcher (Bass) 
   
   
  … 
   
  Nicolas Parensch 
   
  Farmhands (Chorus) 
  … 
   
  Mikael Rechtler, Japp  
   
   
   
  Mumper, Stephano  
   
   
   
  Pilschner, Jacobus Nutt 
   
  Village Girls/Piglets (Chorus) 
  … 
   
  Janna Mannschlinger, 
   
   
   
  Belladonna von 
   Hoefschlag, Elsa von 
   Stafhen, Sigismunda  
  Duschen, Gilda  
  Bruckner, Ludmilla 
   Lurklow, Ebekah von 
   Ulrichsen 
   
   
  �  
   
   
  The Crew 
   
   
  Director 
   
   
   
  … 
   
  Detlef Sierck 
  Stage Manager 
   
   
  … 
   
  Pillory Bigfeast 
  Assistant Stage Manager 
   
  … 
   
  Hercule Mannschlinger 
  Design  
   
   
   
  … 
   
  Etelka von Stafhen 
  Crew 
   
  … 
   
  Ludmilla Lurklow, Yudit  
  Mannschlinger, Jacobus  
  Nutt, Garrick  
  Mackelwaite,  
  Hildegard Keinenaugen,  
  Happenstance Bigfeast,  
  Zindea Whitemoon,  
  Ug the Strange
  
  Songs 
   
  Act One: The Farm 
   
  “Now Our Brow with Sweat A-Gleaming” … 
   
  Chorus 
  “A Daughter’s Doting Duty” 
   
  … 
   
  Dulcina, Dulcetta, 
   Bastando 
  “Comes Two Dashing Gentlemen”  
  … 
   
  Dulcina, Dulcetta,  
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
  Chorus 
  “Ah, A Wooing We Do Go”  
   
  … 
   
  Lysenter, Salacio,  
  Cellano, Bastando 
  “As the Lightest Springtime Breeze”  
  … 
   
  Dulcina, Lysenter, 
   Salacio 
  “When Mother Rhya Painted Faces” 
  … 
   
  Dulcetta 
  “By My Honour, Sir!” 
   
   
  … 
   
  Lysenter and Salacio 
  “If I Could Wish For Just One Thing” 
  … 
   
  Dulcetta and Rhya 
  “The Forest Creeps Upon A Pace”  
  … 
   
  Rhya and Taal 
  “If I Had Not Pledged All Peacefulness” 
  … 
   
  Lysenter and Salacio 
  “My Love Returned” 
   
  … 
   
  Lysenter, Salacio,  
   
   
   
   
  Dulcina, Bastando 
  “By My Honour, Sir!” (reprise) 
   
  … 
   
  Lysenter, Salacio,  
   
   
   
   
  Bastando, Priest 
  “Fill the Cup with Joyous Wine” 
   
  … 
   
  Omnes 
   
   
  Act Two: The Forest Nearby 
   
  “A Groom is Ever Restless” 
   
  … 
   
  Lysenter, Salacio 
  “My Sister Dear is Wed Today” 
   
  … 
   
  Dulcetta and Dulcina 
  “A Twist Untwisted, This I Seek”  
  … 
   
  Dulcetta, Rhya, Taal 
  “My Love Returned!” (reprise) 
   
  … 
   
  Lysenter, Salacio, 
   
   
   
   
  Dulcetta 
  “What Must A Sister Do?” 
   
  … 
   
  Dulcetta 
  “Faithless, Faithless” 
   
  … 
   
  Bastando 
  “Surrounded, Yet Alone” 
   
  … 
   
  Dulcina 
  “And Now I Shall Seize Upon the Time” 
  … 
   
  Bastando, Dulcina,  
   
   
   
   
  Dulcetta 
  “My Love is Found!” 
   
  … 
   
  Salacio, Dulcetta 
  “While Not A One to Cause a Fuss”  
  … 
   
  Lysenter, Omnes 
  “A Bitter Pill It Is To Take” 
   
  … 
   
  Bastando 
  “When A Man Makes to Marry” 
   
  … 
   
  Priest, Rhya, Omnes 
  “Fill the Cup with Joyous Wine” (reprise) … 
   
  Omnes 
  
  Synopsis 
   
  Dulcina and Dulcetta are two sisters who live in the small hamlet of Schweinberg 
  under the yoke of their domineering and evil father, Bastando.  Bastando forbids his 
  daughters to marry so they may continue to look after him in his old age.  Dulcina is 
  the fairer of the two and is pursued by two local youths, Lysenter and Salacio.  
  Dulcetta, her plain and plumper sister is in love with Salacio, and curses her sister 
  for preventing her affections from being realised.   
   
  Taking pity on the girl, the Goddess Rhya offers the girl a single wish, and Dulcetta 
  asks for her sister to be turned into a pig.  However, when granting the wish, Rhya 
  is distracted by her lover Taal, and the spell goes awry: Dulcina does indeed become 
  a pig, but this does nothing to deter Lysenter and Salacio’s amour.  They are enraged 
  to find her in the hands of the Butcher, and rescue her.  In the climax of Act One, 
  Lysenter and Salacio fight a duel over ‘Dulcina’, allowing Bastando to appear and 
  try to kill the pig he does not know is his daughter.  At the last moment, Dulcetta 
  stops the blow, but her explanations do not stop the two men loving the same pig.  
  However, the Old Priest of Sigmar arrives and announces that while a woman may 
  have only one man as his wife, there is no such rule for pigs.  Overjoyed, Lysenter 
  and Salacio plan for a double wedding, despite Bastando’s rage at such events. 
   
  Act Two begins with the wedding preparations.  Dulcetta, distraught, prays to 
  Rhya to end the situation.  Rhya agrees but once again is distracted by Taal and 
  disenchants the men but forgets to turn Dulcina back into a girl.  Moments later, 
  the pig herd is gathered by the Butcher once again.  Dulcetta begs Lysenter and 
  Salacio to go after Dulcina but they do not believe a pig could be their beautiful 
  love.  Dulcetta goes after Dulcina alone, and seeing her sister alone and afraid, 
  softens her heart.  The two escape only to run into Bastando, who has come to kill 
  Dulcina for abandoning him, knowing that killing a pig is no crime at all.  Dulcetta 
  protects her sister, and just as the blow is falling, the men arrive and Salacio leaps to 
  save her.   
   
  Bastando is defeated, and Salacio realises he loved Dulcetta all along.  Lysenter 
  however, is still stuck marrying a pig, and now also wishes to wed Dulcetta.  
  Salacio and the cast remind Lysenter that a pig can still make a good wife.  
  Bastando too sings of the virtue of a good wife, saying that the lack of one is why 
  he sought to keep his daughters to himself, since his wife died so young.  Seeing such 
  humility, Rhya relents and turns all of the pig herd into women.  Lysenter marries 
  Dulcina, Salacio marries Dulcetta and Bastando marries the very alluring Porcalina. 
  As the rest of the male cast also find brides, they sing of the joy of their wedding 
  day. 
   
   
  
SOURCE: textdata/thevault/Warhammer/Fantasy Roleplay/4e (C7)/Cato Contribution/Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay/2nd Edition/Homebrew & Fan Material/Tin Star Games/Adventures/The Show Must....pdf