TEXT:                       
  My Shadowed Heart              
                         
  A Sword Queen Game
  By Jamila R. Nedjadi
  
  It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken to each other. The last 
  time we were physically together, there were no words. Just a 
  chasm between us, stretching wide and dark, swallowing every 
  good intention or hopeful thought. The words I tried to string 
  together never quite became a sentence. At best, they were just 
  enough to tie to each other, and I used these words as a rope, 
  letting myself down into that chasm. You never tried to follow 
  me. 
  It’s been a long time. But then the call came. They needed my 
  help, they said. You did, I suppose. They said they were close to 
  losing you. They said there was barely anything left. They said 
  you had gotten sick, you were becoming one of THE FORGOTTEN. 
  Everyone you loved and who loved you, their memories of you 
  eaten away by the disease.
  Even now you were FADING, the only thing even keeping what 
  remains of you here, is me. My MEMORIES of you. 
  Should I have been surprised? That no matter how much I tried to
  forget you, a shadow of you was left in my heart? 
  They were crying. Begging. Please. Help.
  Yes, I said. Yes. Of course I’d help.
  Of course I’d let go of these last MEMORIES of you, if it was enough
  to save you. Recreate you. Help you find your way back to this 
  world. Help everyone else remember you, and your love for them. 
  (And I could finally forget you, and not feel bad for doing so)
  
                                  Playi
  ng              the game         
  To play My Shadowed Heart, you will need:
  •
  A copy of this game (digital or printed)
  •
  A tarot deck (a physical deck or a digital app, there are free tarot
  apps available)
  •
  1-2 hours
  •
  My Shadowed Heart has the potential to be a very emotional 
  game. Take breaks if you need to. Stop playing the game if it’s for
  the best. Watch a funny video. Process things. Talk to someone. 
  Journal about it. Do whatever is best for you.
  •
  Optionally: music, to set the mood. Something reflective, a little 
  sad maybe. The spotify playlist “Creepy Covers” is a nice one.
  •
  Optionally: a means of recording the game, if you would like to 
  revisit it (physical notes, audio recording, etc)
  •
  My Shadowed Heart is meant to be a solo experience, but if you 
  so wish, you could play with others and agree to play the same 
  character and their story, building the narrative collaboratively.
  Remember:
  •
  Once a card is drawn, do not return it to the deck.
  •
  Draw a card face down. 
  •
  You may spread the tarot deck and draw cards from anywhere, or
  simply draw from the top of the deck as needed.
  •
  Resist the urge to think “I don’t know what this card means” 
  when you first draw a card. Just relax, you’ve got this! 
  To begin playing:
  1.
  Take a look at your tarot deck. Take as much time as you’d like, 
  going over the cards and studying its imagery. You can use any 
  deck you like: but picking a deck that has imagery that inspires 
  your creativity makes a big difference.
  2.
  Prepare the cards. Place the cards face down, and shuffle them 
  gently. Take a few deep breaths to clear your mind, if you like.
  3.
  Give yourself a chance to be intuitively creative. You may refer 
  to learntarot.com if you wish to, but let’s try tapping into your 
  intuition first. Here are some guide questions to help: 
  
  What do I feel is going on in the image in this card?
  
  If I could speak to anyone or anything in this card, what 
  would they say? What would they sound like?
  
  What symbols or colors call out to me? What do I 
  immediately associate them with?
  
  If I treat this card like a still image from a scene, what do I 
  feel happened just before this image? What will happen 
  after?
  
  When I pull a new card, how do I feel it complements or 
  contradicts a previous card? What is the hidden story 
  between the cards?
  
  What archetypes am I reminded of? What stories come to 
  mind, what characters? How can this inspire my answer?
  
                 Who am i
   to you? AM I
   sti
  ll that person?      
  Who have I told myself I am? Who am I really?
                                         Draw Five Cards                                                    
  To create your character for this story, draw five cards from the deck. 
  Assign them to any of the Truths of your character. There may be 
  something you have in mind, but listen to your gut. Let the cards fall 
  where they may. Don’t think too hard, go with your first instinctual 
  response. Sometimes it helps to speak out loud, the words will have an 
  easier time flowing that way. 
  Assign the five cards to any of the following questions. Spaces have been
  provided if you’d like to write your answers here.
  •
  Who my character thinks they are
  •
  How other people see my character
  •
  What my character thinks their goals in life are
  •
  What they actually want to achieve in life
  •
  The unchangeable and unshakable Truth of who they really are
  Create any other important details after this. Their name and pronouns 
  perhaps, their physical experience, how they carry themselves. 
  
                               Who WERE YOU TO ME?                   
  Who were you to me? Why is it so hard to let go?
                                         Draw Five Cards                                                    
  To create the person who remains in your character’s heart, draw five 
  cards from the deck. We will refer to this person as “THE BELOVED” 
  Assign the cards to Truths about THE BELOVED. How do the cards speak 
  to you? How is the story unfolding? What common symbols or themes 
  are present in the five cards? What is at odds with each other?
  Assign the five cards to any of the following questions. Spaces have been
  provided if you’d like to write your answers here.
  •
  The relationship between THE BELOVED and my character.
  •
  The height of the relationship: at its most beautiful
  •
  The low of the relationship: at its most ugly
  •
  How the two came close to overcoming their obstacles
  •
  What ultimately shattered the relationship beyond repair
  Create any other important details after this. THE BELOVED’S name and 
  pronouns perhaps, their physical experience, how they carry themselves.
  
                 What remai
  ns between us?                          
  What Memories Carry the Most of You In My Heart?
                                         Draw Six Cards                                                      
  The core of this story-game will revolve around three memories. The 
  relationship between your character and THE BELOVED is complex and 
  many more memories are tied between them. The sum of these memories
  will potentially recreate THE BELOVED and save them from becoming one 
  of THE FORGOTTEN. But these three memories are special. They carry the 
  important themes and core components of your relationship and THE 
  BELOVED’S identity. Keep these cards in view for the rest of the game. 
  Look at the six cards you’ve drawn. What cards feel natural to pair with 
  each other? Some of the pairs may complement each other. Some of them
  may contradict each other. Don’t think too hard about it. The cards will 
  know where they want to be placed (meaning, your intuition knows what
  to do, follow its lead)
  Let your mind relax. What images or ideas pop into your mind? How 
  does the memory play out naturally, like a scene in a movie? Is this 
  memory long and complex, with many moving parts and distinct 
  movements and emotions? Or is the memory more dream-like, strangely 
  segmented, impressionistic and vague? Or something in between?
  Name each memory. You can use a phrase, a single word, a focus. Such as
  “The Locket”, “The Argument”, “Lady In Red”, “A Doorway”. 
  What strange and nebulous borders exist 
  between our memories and our dreams?
  Does the difference matter?
  
                                  Our              memori
  es               
  The First Memory
  Memory Name:                                     
  Card pair: 
  Impressions of this memory:
  Strongest emotions present:
  
  What this memory reveals about my character:
  
  What this memory reveals about THE BELOVED:
  The Second Memory
  Memory Name:                                          
  Card pair: 
  Impressions of this memory:
  Strongest emotions present:
  
  What this memory reveals about my character:
  
  What this memory reveals about THE BELOVED:
  The Third Memory
  Memory Name:                                       
  Card pair: 
  Impressions of this memory:
  Strongest emotions present:
  
  What this memory reveals about my character:
  
  What this memory reveals about THE BELOVED:
  What Ties These Memories Together?
                                         Draw One Card                                                      
  Lay this card down and look at it for a while. How does it relate to the 
  other card pairs representing the memories? Are there some cards it 
  resonates with? Some cards it pushes against?
  Choose one:
  
  Lies and Secrets hold these Memories together.
  
  Truth and Revelations hold these Memories together.
  Questions to Consider:
  Who is lying? What secrets are known or unknown to your character?
  Who is telling the Truth? What is the outcome of this truth? How much
  is relative? How much is absolute? Does it really matter?
  
                 Thi
  s i
  s how I
   let you go                               
  Your character has just received the call. They have agreed to the 
  procedure that will potentially save the life of THE BELOVED. 
  Am I Truly Ready To Let You Go?
                                         Draw Five Cards                                                    
  These five cards tell a chronological story. Place them in whatever order 
  makes sense to your intuition. The cards may outline the following 
  information, or they may speak to something else entirely. 
  •
  How my character feels on their way to the procedure. Are they 
  completely aware of what they are feeling?
  •
  What the strange and surreal procedure is like. Is it unique and 
  obtuse technology? A mystical or spiritual approach? A 
  surprising mix of the two?
  •
  Someone or something tries to stop the procedure. Is it internal? 
  External? Deliberate, or seemingly random? 
  •
  A moment of regret. Your character was so sure, but some form 
  of doubt remains. What does doubt say? How does the character 
  deal with it?
  •
  A sliver of a memory is unearthed. A flash of something. Buried 
  by the weight of time and the heart. What is it? How does your 
  character feel about it?
  There will always be doubt. The question is, do
  we treat this voice as more valid than our own?
  
                 One last conversati
  on       (onelast)            
  Something unprecedented happens. During the procedure, THE BELOVED 
  comes to your character. Perhaps it happens through the mind, maybe 
  it’s not really them and simply an aspect of your character’s psyche. Or 
  they could be there, physically, with your character now. Maybe it 
  remains unclear, ambiguous, dream-like. But only you can see them.
  Why Are You Here? Why Now? After all this time?
                                         Draw Six Cards                                                      
  THE BELOVED comes to you bearing messages. Look at the cards you’ve 
  drawn. How do they feel? What themes, symbols, colors, are common? 
  What contradicts or clashes against each other? When THE BELOVED 
  speaks to you, are they coherent, calm, and loving? Or are they angry, 
  argumentative, self-contradicting? An unexpected mix of both? 
  Take the six cards you’ve just drawn and pair them with the previous six 
  memory cards. You’ll have four cards for each memory now: two cards to
  represent the original memory as understood by your character. Two 
  cards to represent the new messages THE BELOVED shares with you.
  Is This All You Have To Say To Me?
                                         Draw Two Cards                                                    
  Assign the two cards to the following:
  •
  Your character reaches an epiphany. Does this revelation bring 
  calm, peace, empowerment? Or regret and painful realization? 
  •
  Your character says what has remained unsaid. Why couldn’t 
  they find the words before this moment? 
  Confrontations, real or imagined, reveal the 
  strongest and most resilient truths. 
  
                 Thi
  s i
  s my       shadowed heart                    
  Everything begins coming to the light. There is no turning back now. 
  There is only this door that opens to the unknown truths hiding in your 
  heart. It pulls you towards it, its gravity similar to the most loving gaze. 
  What Shadows Remain in my Heart? What do they wish to teach me?
                                         Draw Three Cards                                                  
  Refer to the twelve previous cards representing the memories, and THE 
  BELOVED’S message about them. Now look at the three new cards you’ve 
  drawn, and assign them to the following questions. You’ll find the 
  answer to these questions in these three new cards. Trust the truths that 
  reveal themselves through the symbols in these images. You may attach 
  these truths to a specific memory, or it may speak of the general themes 
  you have unearthed.
  
  This memory shows a perceived weakness your character has 
  been running from. How is this weakness false? What true 
  strength lies within the weakness?
  
  This memory shows a perceived shame your character has been 
  running from. How does this shame control their actions? What 
  bright and shining desire lies within this false shame?
  
  This memory shows a perceived disappointment your character 
  has been holding on to. When they let go, what grateful truth 
  reveals itself?  What did they truly want, all this time?
  As your character realizes this, the memories begin to fade. Will the 
  epiphanies fade with them? Will your character attempt to hold on? Will 
  they let go and trust in their newfound strength?
  The most beautiful things like within the darkest
  shadows of our heart, our mind, our soul.
  
                                    Was all thi
  s    i
  nevi
  table?       
  This is the moment when reality crystallizes, and the possibilities form. 
  How does Fate intervene? How does it reveal what I truly desire?
                                         Draw Three Cards                                                  
  These three cards describe if your character holds on to their memories, 
  dooming THE BELOVED to the fading. Or if the memories are given freely, 
  healing THE BELOVED and bringing them back to this world. 
  Or...something else, entirely. Assign each card to one of the three 
  original memories. Look at the other cards that support it, the messages 
  from THE BELOVED and the shadows from your heart. Trust your 
  intuition. The cards will fall where they may. The story reaches its 
  climactic conclusion. Look at each assigned card and ask:
  •
  Does my character hold on to this memory? 
  •
  Does my character let go of this memory?
  •
  Does an outside force intervene?
  Describe here, perhaps whispering it under your breath, or allowing the 
  imagery and narrative to blossom in your mind.
  •
  If the memory is held on to: how does it compromise the 
  procedure? If all or most of the memories are held on to, does 
  THE BELOVED fade? Do they say or do any one last thing?
  •
  If the memory is let go of: how does it ease the procedure? If all 
  or most of the memories are let go of, how does THE BELOVED 
  return? Do they express their gratitude or resentment?
  •
  If an outside force intervenes: what happens? Does this 
  compromise or ease the procedure?
  Is Fate truly an outside force, controlling our actions? Or is it
  the manifestation of our desires, divorced from what we
  consciously perceive and accept about the world?
  
                                                           I
  t i
  s done         
  The story is whatever it needs be. Take this time to reflect. You will have
  drawn thirty-three cards over the course of the game. Take the cards and
  look through them again. Does anything new reveal itself? 
  Choose three cards that exemplify the story the best. From here, build 
  your epilogue. What happens to your character after what they’ve been 
  through? Does their life change significantly after the procedure? Or do 
  they fade back into the way things used to be? Is change permanent or 
  fleeting? Is the newfound strength borrowed or simply the beginning?
  Set aside the thirty-three cards you drew. If you were using a standard 
  tarot deck, forty-five cards were untouched. Look at these forty-five 
  untouched cards. Briefly look through them, considering their imagery, 
  symbolism, themes, emotions. How could this story-game have turned 
  out differently? What could have your character been instead, how could
  their epilogue play out differently?
  Or would the same conclusions have been reached? How much of this 
  story was up to your character, and how much were they beholden to?
  Does it matter? 
  The story is done. Thank you for playing. Set aside the cards. Take one 
  last moment to say goodbye to your character and their story. Wish them
  well. They live on, in some fashion, somewhere, in some way. They’re 
  doing the best they can. Your wish will help them along their travels.
  
     credi
  ts                      
  Thank you Justin Joyce for hosting the        
  Me, Myself, And My RPG Game Jam 
  (#AloneGameJam)
  Many thanks to Matthew Arcilla, my partner 
  in all things. 
  This game builds upon similar themes of 
  memory and relationships in a lot of my 
  games, but its sister game is truly INTERIM. If
  you’d like a more structured approach, play 
  with others, and use a standard playing card 
  deck instead, you could check it out too!
  Photography from unsplash.com. All these 
  dreamy, experimental photographs are by JR 
  KORPA! https://unsplash.com/@korpa 
  Writing, Design and Layout by Jamila R. 
  Nedjadi; Fonts used are Averia Serif & Fliped.
  License: Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International
  (CC BY-SA 4.0).
           Jami
  la R.
   Nedjadi
     
  My Shadowed Heart is a story-game that 
  reflects my experiences as a tarot reader. I’ve 
  read the tarot for almost twenty years now, 
  and have read the cards for other people often.
  Many times people come to me, thinking the 
  cards and Fate will offer them closure, healing,
  a second chance.
  More often than not, the cards simply show 
  them what they’ve been hiding from, or what 
  they refuse to see. Their own power, their 
  strength, their beauty. The tarot, in its truest 
  form, is just a mirror that shines brightly.
  This story-game also embodies the idea of 
  “shadow work” a self-reflective and self-
  empowering practice based on Carl Jung’s 
  theories of “shadow” and “light” within the 
  psyche. The light is simply parts of ourselves 
  we are aware of, or perceive to be true. Our 
  shadows, often initially as seen as things we 
  don’t like about ourselves, actually hide within
  them our unknown strengths. 
  This game is just a game. But I hope it helps, 
  somehow.
   Sword queen games       
  MY SHADOWED HEART
   
    is very much a work in 
  progress. This is version 1.0 as of April 25, 
  2019.
  To follow my journey and to keep track of
  what games I make, please feel free to follow
  me: Itchio: https://temporalhiccup.itch.io/ 
  Twitter: @temporalhiccup
  If you’d like to support my dream of
  becoming a professional TTRPG
  Designer/Artist, please consider 
  donating or purchasing my games 
  through itchio. 
  You may also becoming a patron!
  https://www.patreon.com/swordque
  engames 
  Many thanks to my patrons, especially Floo
  Floo my first King of Swords among my
  patrons!
  
SOURCE: textdata/thevault/Self-Exploration, Emotional, & Relationship/My Shadowed Heart.pdf