TEXT: FADE IN:
  From Idea to Final Draft
  The Writing of
  Star Trek: Insurrection
  by
  Michael Piller
  
  Note: When we received this submission, we were told that Michael
  Piller considered this book his last great gift to the fans and to aspiring
  writers everywhere.  Unfortunately, Paramount somehow got it
  suppressed from being published.  Michael Piller passed away in 2005,
  so getting this book published will never be possible (not to mention
  Insurrection is quite old now, so a book about it wouldnʼt be financially
  feasible for a publisher).  Itʼs clear Michael Piller wanted this book read,
  so we felt that making it available to the fans made sense.  Itʼs an
  amazingly detailed look at the process of writing the movie including
  internal memos, letters, pitches, story drafts, etc.  Enjoy this unique
  glimpse into writing Star Trek Insurrection!  And lastly, if anyone can
  provide the draft of Star Trek Insurrection that is missing from this
  document, please email us.
  TrekCore
  www.trekcore.com
  02
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  TO RICK BERMAN
  A writer’s producer.
  So we can look back as alter kockers
  with fading memories and remember how it was.
  Michael Piller on the Enterprise NCC-1701-E Set
  Contents
  INTRODUCTION  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 04
  SEPTEMBER 1997 - FREE-FALL  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 06
  MARCH 1997 - THE ASSIGNMENT  . . . . . . . . . . . . . 07
  RODDENBERRY’S BOX  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 08
  WHAT’S IT ABOUT?  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
  APRIL 1997 - THE PITCH  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
  THE ACTORS  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
  MAY 1997 - THE INNER GAME  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
  OLD SOLDIERS  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24
  DATA AS KURTZ  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
  JUNE 1997  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
  THE STUDIO  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
  JULY 1997 - PATRICK  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
  CUT AND PASTE  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40
  FACE TO FACE  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42
  AUGUST 1997 - BRENT  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48
  A FALSE START  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50
  SEPTEMBER 1997 - IRA  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
  OCTOBER 1997 - STRUCTURE  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54
  NOVEMBER 1997 - PRODUCER  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56
  REACTIONS  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57
  PRE-PRODUCTION  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62
  THE END  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68
  UP THE MOUNTAIN  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72
  DATA VS PICARD  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80
  MORE REVISIONS  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 84
  BUDGET CRUNCH  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88
  PRODUCTION DESIGN  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 90
  THE LAST MEETING WITH PATRICK  . . . . . . . . . . . 92
  POST-PARTUM  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94
  POST PRODUCTION  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96
  THE CURSE  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 104
  THE OPENING  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 106
  THE MORNING AFTER  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108
  THE MONEY  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 110
  GOOD AND WELFARE  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 112
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  03
  
  INTRODUCTION
  Eighteen years ago, William Goldmanʼs book Adventures In The Screen
  Trade taught me how to be a writer.  Not how to write - that came later
  with experience as a writer-producer in television.  But I learned from
  Goldman what would be expected of me as a writer and how to set a
  standard for my work.  His book inspired me to set off on my own
  adventures.  This is the story of one.
  Beginning in March 1997, I worked on the screenplay for Star Trek:
  Insurrection, collaborating with producer Rick Berman on the story and
  then writing the script myself.  If youʼve never heard of Star Trek (you
  must lead a very isolated life) or couldnʼt care less about science fiction,
  donʼt worry.  No knowledge of science is required.  All youʼll need to
  follow this story is a curiosity about where movies come from.  Most
  often, they come from screenplays.  And screenplays come, more or
  less, from people like me – people who sit alone in dark rooms
  illuminated only by a computer screen talking endlessly to ourselves in
  the voices of strange people who live inside us – characters who want
  to be seen and heard.  Writers are puppet masters.  We are omnipotent.
  As long as we stay in our dark, little rooms.  The moment we leave, we
  become mortal.   
  Thatʼs when our material is sent to the producer and the director and the
  studio and the actors and the production designer and the costume
  designer and the unit manager (not to mention our wives, husbands,
  mothers and fathers)...
  And thatʼs when the notes start coming in and the meetings are held and
  new ideas are tossed around and ʻwhat-ifsʼ are explored... and our job
  is to listen and discuss and argue and collaborate and compromise and
  fret... and mostly, through it all, to maintain the creative vision that got all
  of these people interested in the first place.
  Now that itʼs all behind me, I can smile (finally) about what we went
  through... all the stories we threw away, the drafts that didnʼt work.
  I invite you now to walk a couple years in my shoes.  Look at the
  development process from the writerʼs point of view.  Second-guess me.
  If youʼd been writing the script would you have made the same decisions
  I made?  Would your movie be about the girl who broke our heroʼs heart
  and the best friend heʼs sent to kill, the rag-tag army of space mariners,
  the mysterious society of alien children, the treacherous Romulans, the
  mutes, the android squad, the holographic stand-up comedian, the
  lecherous three hundred year old munchkin, the masked race of
  Generation ʻXʼ aliens...
  ...none of whom made my final draft.
  But maybe they would have made yours.  Maybe your script would have
  been entirely different from mine.  Letʼs find out. 
  With two notable exceptions, the development process of Star Trek:
  Insurrection wasnʼt much different from the development process of any
  motion picture script.  Exception number one: everyone knew from the
  start this picture would actually get made.  Most scripts are written
  without that knowledge.  This was to be the ninth installment of the
  franchise.  It was not only scheduled for production before the script was
  written; it was scheduled for release before the script was written.
  December, 1998.  So, from the moment I was hired, I heard the clock
  ticking.
  Exception number two: I was the writer from start to finish.  Many of the
  movies you see have been written by several writers even though their
  names may not appear on the screen.  Writers are often brought in like
  tag-teams, the original writer followed by an “action” writer followed by
  a “character” writer followed by a “dialogue” writer and on and on.  (In
  one major action movie last summer, after a half-dozen or so top-notch
  writers had worked on the screenplay, the producers brought in the entire
  staff of a popular television sitcom to make the dialogue funnier.)  The
  difference here was my history with Star Trek as head writer for the
  television shows and a long working relationship with producer Rick
  Berman.  Had it been any other circumstance, thereʼs no question in my
  mind that, before the final draft was completed, I most certainly would
  have been fired.
  Michael Piller
  May 1999
  04
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  05
  
  SEPTEMBER 1997
  FREE-FALL
  That fraction of a second between nightmare and waking.  Except it isnʼt
  a fraction of a second anymore, itʼs been days, weeks and Iʼm still in a
  free-fall, trying to snatch bits and pieces of a script that are falling with
  me, desperately trying to assemble them in some coherent manner
  before I crash.
  How could I have been so wrong?  Where had my instinct failed me?
  How do I fix it?  Is it even fixable?  In three months, this movie will be
  going into pre-production and I donʼt have a clue what to do.
  Thereʼs no point in trying to sleep.  Once I wake up to pee in the middle
  of the night (the curse of middle-age), my mind goes back to work.  I tell
  it not to.  Whatever you do, donʼt think about the script.  But as I lay in
  the dark staring at the ceiling, my eyeballs move back and forth looking
  for the metaphorical daylight.  Thereʼs got to be a way to make this script
  work.
  The guards on the overnight shift at the front gate are used to seeing me
  arrive at dawn.  They greet me by name and ask how the scriptʼs going
  - everyone on the lot knows Iʼm doing the next Star Trek movie - and I
  smile and say, fine and ask one of the guards about his new baby and I
  drive in under the famous Paramount arch and park in the first space in
  the empty producerʼs parking lot.  I know Rick Berman will walk by that
  space on the way to his office and will see that I was the first one in the
  lot.  As though thatʼll earn me an ʻAʼ for effort if everything else fails.
  I like being at the studio at dawn with the gardeners sprucing up the flower
  beds and watering the lawns.  Walking alone along the brick courtyard, I
  feel like Iʼm walking with the ghosts of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers and
  the Marx Brothers and Gary Cooper and Alan Ladd and Bing Crosby and
  Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, all the famous stars who worked on this lot...
  and of course all the famous screenwriters who worked here like... like...
  There are no famous screenwriters.  Itʼs an oxymoron.  I canʼt even think
  of one this morning and Iʼm a writer.  Oh sure, Billy Wilder made great
  movies here and of course Preston Sturges, but we remember them first
  as directors.  Rod Serling, my boyhood hero -- he was a famous writer,
  wasnʼt he... come on, only because we saw him as host of The Twilight
  Zone.  Nobody remembers the screenwriterʼs name unless his name is
  Neil Simon and thatʼs only because he wrote a few plays.
  A guard rolls up on a bicycle at the front door to the Marlene Dietrich
  Building and unlocks the door for me.  All the doors are routinely opened
  around seven but thatʼs still an hour away.
  I walk into my office on the second floor and turn on the lights.  The
  computer screen looks at me, waiting - well, are you coming?  The first
  draft script is still on the desk where I left it last night.  I pick it up to see
  if it feels any different this morning.  It doesnʼt.  Maybe I should read it
  again.  Maybe itʼs better than I think.  Thereʼre a lot of good parts I might
  be able to salvage.  Stop lying to yourself and turn on the computer.  
  I pull “The Paramount Story” out of my bookshelf and start looking for
  writersʼ ghosts.  Anything to delay writing.  I find Ben Hecht and Charles
  MacArthur, great writers of several movies from the thirties; definite ghost
  material.  How about Frank Butler nominated for two Oscars in 1942 for
  Wake Island (with W.R. Burnett) and The Road to Morocco (with Don
  Hartman) finally winning in 1944 for Going My Way (with Frank Cavett;
  beating Raymond Chandler and Billy Wilder, writers of Double Indemnity,
  also a Paramount film).  And Michael Wilson & Harry Brown (A Place In
  the Sun) and Ian McKellan Hunter (Roman Holiday) and A.B. Guthrie, Jr.
  (Shane) and John Michael Hayes (Rear Window) and George Axelrod
  (Breakfast at Tiffany’s).
  All of them were right here on this lot, perhaps in this very building, who
  knows, maybe even this office.  Doing the very same thing Iʼm doing.
  Writing a script for a movie.  Or trying to...
  My first draft had been a disaster.  After months of internal wrangling,
  we finally had a story that everyone was enthusiastic about.  So why
  didnʼt it turn out to be a good script?  Easy answer -- the writerʼs fault.
  I turn on the computer and look at the blank screen, type the first two
  words of the second draft: “Fade In” and wonder what the hell Iʼm going
  to write...
  06
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  MARCH 1997
  THE ASSIGNMENT
  Rick Berman wasnʼt sure that Iʼd want the job.  The first thing he said
  when he came into my office was, “Donʼt say ʻnoʼ until I finish talking.”
  And when he finished talking about his hopes for the next Star Trek
  movie, he asked me if I would be interested in writing it, and I surprised
  him by saying ʻyes.ʼ  It may seem odd that anyone would even consider
  passing on a chance to write a feature film, but Rick knew Iʼd been
  moving away from the Star Trek franchise for the last couple of years.
  I had been in space with Rick for almost a decade.  We first met at a
  lunch with Gene Roddenberry and Maurice Hurley, the head writer of
  The Next Generation during its first two seasons.  Hurley was leaving
  the show and thought I might be a candidate to replace him.  I wasnʼt
  hired at that lunch (Rick and Gene had already hired another friend of
  mine, Michael Wagner), but I did agree to write a script for the coming
  season.  
  My agent was furious.  Writing a free-lance script
  1 would look like I hadnʼt
  been able to find a staff job.  No show would ever hire me as a staff writer
  again, he said.  But I really wanted to write a Star Trek script so I ignored
  my agentʼs advice.  Today, in his lovely new home, heʼs happy I did.
  As I was writing that first episode, Wagner and Roddenberry were not
  getting along and by the time my script was turned in, Michael had
  decided to resign.  I got a call from Rick Berman.  “We love your script,”
  he said.  “You obviously know the show.  Would you like to take over the
  writing staff?”   
  To this day, I donʼt believe thereʼs anything particularly special about that
  script except for one scene that opened the door for me into the Star Trek
  universe.  In the story (co-written by Wagner), a scientist has built his
  entire life around a stellar event that only occurs once every two hundred
  years and now, due to mysterious problems with the ship, it seems he is
  going to miss it.  He expresses his bitter frustration to the youngest
  member of our crew, 16-year-old Wesley Crusher.  Hereʼs the dialogue
  exchange that got me the job:
  STUBBS
  I could live with failure. ...Well, 
  maybe not.  But never even to try.  
  To miss your one chance at bat.  Do
  you know baseball?
  WESLEY
  My dad taught it to me when I was
  little.
  STUBBS
  Once, centuries ago, it was the
  beloved national pastime of the
  STUBBS (CON’T)
  Americas, Wesley.  Abandoned by
  a society that prized fast food
  and faster games.  Lost to
  impatience.  But I have seen the
  great players make the great plays.
  WESLEY
  Do you recreate them on a Holodeck?
  2
  STUBBS
  No, in here...
  (his mind)
  With the knowledge of statistics...
  runs, hits and errors... times at 
  bat... box scores.  Men like us 
  do not need Holodecks, Wesley.  I
  have played seasons in my mind.  
  It was my reward to myself.  For 
  patience.  Knowing my turn would 
  come.  Call your shot.  Point to a 
  star.  One great blast and the
  crowd rises.  A brand new era in 
  astro-physics.  Postponed one 
  hundred and ninety-six years on
  account of rain.
  As it turned out, Rick Berman shared my love for baseball and that
  speech hit him right between the eyes.  And so a partnership was formed.
  Over the next eight years, we would work on 244 hours of television
  together.  We would create a new Star Trek series, Deep Space Nine,
  together.  And then a third Star Trek series, Voyager, with Jeri Taylor.
  Weʼd worked so long together that we were starting to look like each
  other.  But after eight years of writing Star Trek, I felt the need to stretch
  my creative legs.  So, I accepted a role as Creative Consultant and
  walked away from the day-to-day operation of the two Star Trek shows.
  There may have been another reason Rick thought I might turn down
  his offer.  I had rejected an opportunity to write a script for the seventh
  Star Trek film -– the first one to star The Next Generation cast.  Rick had
  been hired to produce the movie, his first.  The studio wanted to prepare
  two separate scripts.  The best script would be filmed.
  From the studioʼs point of view it made perfect business sense.  Rick
  was a first-time feature producer, this was the studioʼs most lucrative
  franchise -- why take a chance on one writer; why not have two scripts
  written and pick the best one?  But from a writerʼs standpoint, thereʼs
  something deeply discouraging about knowing that youʼre writing against
  someone and that one of you is wasting his or her time.
  Having guided the stories and the scripts for The Next Generation for
  five years, I found it very difficult to participate in a contest and turned the
  offer down, recommending Brannon Braga and Ronald D. Moore, two
  young writers on my staff, for the job.  As it turned out, they won the
  contest and wrote the movie, Star Trek Generations.
  This time, the timing was right for me.  It had been two years since Bill
  Dial and I had created the short-lived, but critically-acclaimed series
  Legend starring Richard Dean Anderson (“short-lived” is always followed
  by the words “but critically-acclaimed”).  Since then, Iʼd written a feature
  script that Sydney Pollack had optioned, a cable movie script and a
  couple of television pilots.  And oh yeah, none of them had been made.
  I was in a place known in this business as “Development Hell.”  So, Rickʼs
  invitation to write a Star Trek movie was like a visit from an old girl friend
  after you havenʼt had a date for a year.  I was awfully glad to see him.
  07
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  1
  Free-lancers are those writers who are not under contact to write on the staff of a specific
  show.
  2
  A “holodeck” is a room in which people can simulate and interact with virtually any
  environment.
  
  When I surf the net or read letters to the editor in some genre magazine,
  I often come across complaints from fans who say  that Star Trek really
  needs to get “some new writing blood in there”.
  Theyʼre absolutely right.
  In fact, recruiting new talent was one of my priorities  when I was
  producing the television shows.  I scheduled pitches from free-lance
  writers every day and required my staff writers to do the same.  Hearing
  new voices and fresh ideas, in my opinion, kept the franchise vital.  The
  Star Trek series were the only television shows in town that encouraged
  amateur submissions of speculative teleplays (if they were accompanied
  by legal releases that protected the studio from lawsuits).
  Thousands were submitted.  Every one was read.  I looked at every
  synopsis and analysis myself.  Ninety-nine out a hundred were not what
  we were looking for.  But that last one made the search worthwhile.  We
  discovered several writers through the process.
  A writing assignment for a Star Trek movie would certainly attract all sorts
  of good writers with credentials in feature films.  Why then wouldnʼt the
  studio and Rick Berman seek out “new blood” to write the next Star Trek
  movie instead of giving it to another old television warhorse like me?   
  The answer can be found in Roddenberryʼs Box.
  I happen to like the box.  A lot of writers donʼt.  In fact, I think itʼs fair to
  say, most writers who have worked on Star Trek over the years would like
  to throw the box away.  It may surprise you to learn that when I took over
  as head writer, the entire writing staff of Star Trek: The Next Generation
  was so frustrated and angry with Gene Roddenberry they were counting
  the days before their contracts expired (and indeed every one of them
  left at seasonʼs end.)  He wouldnʼt let them out of the box and they were
  suffocating...
  My first time in Roddenberryʼs Box was during the very first episode I
  worked on as head writer.  We were already in production of season
  three, four shows were finished, twenty-two still to do.  There were no
  scripts and no stories to shoot the following week.  Desperate, I bought
  a spec script that had been sent in from an amateur writer named Ron
  Moore who was about to enlist in the U.S. Navy.  It was a rough teleplay
  called “The Bonding” and would require a lot of reworking but I liked the
  idea.  A female Starfleet officer is killed in an accident and her child,
  overcome with grief, bonds with a holographic recreation of his mother
  rather than accept her death.
  I sent a short description of the story to Rick and Gene.  Minutes later, I
  was called to an urgent meeting in Geneʼs office.  “This doesnʼt work” he
  said.  “In the Twenty-Fourth Century, no one grieves.  Death is accepted
  as part of life.”  
  As I shared the dilemma with the other staff writers, they took a bit of
  pleasure from my loss of virginity, all of them having already been badly
  bruised by rejections from Gene.  Roddenberry was adamant that
  Twenty-Fourth Century man would evolve past the petty emotional
  turmoil that gets in the way of our happiness today.  Well, as any writer
  will tell you, ʻemotional turmoilʼ, petty and otherwise, is at the core of any
  good drama.  It creates conflict between characters.  But Gene didnʼt
  want conflict between our characters.  “All the problems of mankind have
  been solved,” he said.  “Earth is a paradise.”
  Now, go write drama.
  His demands seemed impossible at first glance.  Even self-destructive.
  And yet, I couldnʼt escape one huge reality.  Star Trek worked.  Or it had
  for thirty years.  Gene must be doing something right.  
  I accepted it as a challenge.  Okay, I told the writers, Iʼm here to execute
  Roddenberryʼs vision of the future, not mine.  Letʼs stop fighting what we
  canʼt change.  These are his rules.  How do we do this story without
  breaking those rules?
  A day later, I asked for another meeting with Gene and Rick.  And hereʼs
  how I re-pitched the story:
  “When the boyʼs mother dies, he doesnʼt grieve.  He acts like heʼs been
  taught to act -- to accept death as a part of life.  He buries whatever pain
  he may be feeling under this Twenty-Fourth Century layer of advanced
  civilization.  The alien race responsible for the accidental death of his
  mother tries to correct their error by providing a replacement version of
  her.  The boy wants to believe his mother isnʼt dead, but our Captain
  knows she isnʼt real and must convince the boy to reject the illusion.  In
  order to do so, the boy must cut through everything heʼs been taught
  about death and get to his true emotions.  He must learn to grieve.”
  The new approach respected Roddenberryʼs rules and by doing so,
  became a more complex story.  He gave his blessing.  And I began to
  learn how Roddenberryʼs Box forced us as writers to come up with new
  and interesting ways to tell stories instead of falling back into easier,
  familiar devices.
  The rules of behavior in Roddenberryʼs universe have filled books.
  There are more books dedicated to the personal histories of Star Trek
  characters as well as detailed cultural histories of the alien races of the
  Twenty-Fourth Century.  And even more books written about Star Trek’s
  science and technology.  Gene and his colleagues over the years have
  created a tapestry that is not easy for new writers to penetrate.  My
  experience has been that our most successful new writers grew up as
  dedicated fans and already know the Star Trek world inside and out.
  With the notable exceptions of Ira Steven Behr, Jeri Taylor and Joe
  Menosky, three writers in a decade, I rarely had luck hiring experienced
  writers who could come in and understand the franchise.
  I canʼt speak for the studio or for Rick but I can guess why they wouldnʼt
  take a chance on a brand new writer on a major motion picture.
  An epilogue.
  There was a writersʼ rebellion of sorts on my last year as head writer at
  Star Trek, four years after Roddenberryʼs death.  Some of the writers at
  Voyager went to Rick to say they wouldnʼt return if I came back.  It was
  nothing personal, Rick told me.  We were all friends.  But my rules were
  holding them back.  My creative demands were suffocating them.  They
  wanted to be free to do the things I wouldnʼt let them do as writers.
  I had completed a cycle.  Somehow, Iʼd become the alien replacement
  for Roddenberry.  It had become Pillerʼs Box.
  It was time to leave.  I opened the box and let them, and myself, out.
  And now, three years later, here I was about to climb back in again.
  RODDENBERRYʼS BOX
  08
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  09
  
  For this ninth installment of the series, Rick thought it would be
  interesting to find a classic story in public domain and adapt it to Star
  Trek.  His first idea was “The Prisoner of Zenda,” the novel by Anthony
  Hope that had been filmed several times, most memorably in the 1937
  version starring Coleman.  Itʼs a 19th Century adventure story of two
  men who look alike -- a common man and a king, both played in the
  movie by Ronald Coleman.  When the king is kidnapped, the common
  man is recruited to take his place on the throne.
  Rick suggested that perhaps the Captain of the Starship Enterprise,
  Jean-Luc Picard, is kidnapped and another man, cosmetically altered to
  look like him, takes his place as Captain.  He felt that it would offer actor
  Patrick Stewart a unique opportunity to do a dual role.  He asked me to
  watch the Coleman film.
  As I did, I saw a big problem.  The kingʼs role is tiny.  Itʼs the commoner
  whoʼs the star.  I felt the audience was coming to see Picard, a popular
  hero whoʼd been away from the screen for two years.  How would they
  feel when heʼs kidnapped in the opening scenes and the movie is turned
  over to another character who happens to be played by the same actor?
  If this had been a pitch for a two-part episode on the TV series, I would
  have jumped at it.  But I felt the movie had to be about Picard.  When
  Rick heard my concerns, he agreed.
  We did, however, fall in love with Zenda’s villain played by Douglas
  Fairbanks Jr.  We told ourselves that an amoral rascal whoʼs loyal to no
  one but himself might be a character worth including in any new
  scenario.
  And so we both started thinking again, trying to find a worthy subject.
  Where do ideas come from?  Iʼm asked all the time.  The only suggestion
  I give to young writers is to listen to the universe.  The ideas are all
  around you – in newspapers and magazines, television, stories people
  tell you and most often in your very own life experiences.  Sooner or
  later, something will resonate. 
  When I wrote my very first screenplay, like most writers, I wasnʼt paid
  for it, so I chose a subject (sex) that would make the script as commercial
  as possible.  After all, thatʼs the ultimate goal, right?  To sell your work?
  At the time, I was working for CBS Television as a censor (censors who
  want to be writers always write about sex).  The project I was censoring
  was the mini-series Blind Ambition, the story of John Deanʼs experiences
  in the Nixon White House.  The writer was Stanley Greenberg who had
  written some of the finest shows in the history of television including The
  Missiles Of October and Pueblo.  The corporate office in New York had
  ordered me to sanitize President Nixonʼs language in the famous taped
  conversations by “bleeping” them from the soundtrack.  I refused to do
  it because part of my job was to protect the historical integrity of the film.
  They sent my boss to do it anyway but Stanley and I became friends in
  the process.
  One evening, as we were eating dinner with David Susskind, John and
  Mo Dean (she gave me a friendly kiss goodnight) and some of their
  friends, I asked Stanley if he would read my first script.  He said, sure
  and asked me what it was about.  I told him it was just something
  commercial, something that I thought would sell.  And he said three
  words that changed my life.
  “Shame on you.”
  It was one of those times when you swallow your heart.  He didnʼt say it
  in a nasty way.  In fact, it was the friendly throw-away manner that made
  it hurt so much.  I donʼt remember much of what else he said.  Or what
  his comments were after he read the script.  Iʼm sure they were kind.
  But I never wrote another script whose only goal was “to sell.”  From that
  day on, I felt an obligation as a writer to add something to this life through
  my work.  To express things I felt about our world and to explore the
  human condition no matter what kind of script I might be writing.  More
  than any other reason, I credit this lesson for any success Iʼve had as a
  writer.
  As I approach a new project, my process always begins with the
  question: what is it about?  Hereʼs one answer that might apply to a Star
  Trek movie...
  I want it to be about the most horrible, treacherous aliens ever known to
  man who are about to destroy life as we know it, leading to the most
  spectacular thrill ride of an adventure with fantastic space battles and
  huge explosions and great special effects -- a white knuckle ride for the
  movie audience.
  Yeah, but whatʼs it about? 
  I can write space battles with the best of them, but what makes that
  space battle interesting to me is: why are they fighting?  What are the
  stakes?  What does the hero lose if he loses?  And what does he win if
  he wins?  Why should we care?
  Iʼm talking about the second level of story-telling.  The level that
  examines whatʼs going on inside the characters – their moral and ethical
  dilemmas, their doubts, fears, inner conflicts, how they change as the
  story progresses.  These are the things that make us, as members of an
  audience, get emotionally involved in a movie.  I still remember how I
  felt when Bonnie and Clyde
  3 were killed. Man, I was in that car with them.
  The same thing happened most recently for me (and Iʼll bet for you too)
  when I watched Saving Private Ryan
  4.  It was quite late in the movie
  when it hit me that I was Private Ryan.  That these brave men had
  sacrificed their lives to save me.  And like Ryan, I found myself asking
  silently if Iʼd lived a life worthy of that sacrifice.  Thatʼs when the first sob
  escaped from my throat.
  So when I start looking for ideas, Iʼm not worried about the plot yet.  Iʼm
  asking myself what are the themes I want to explore in this script?   What
  do I need to write about?  Now, that may sound somewhat masturbatory
  because after all, Iʼm writing movies for an audience, not for my own
  pleasure.
  But the simple truth of the matter is that I donʼt know what youʼll like.  No
  research or marketing study can tell me that.  If it could, every movie
  would be a huge hit.  Research tells us what you liked about the last
  movie you saw.  It often leads filmmakers to repeat what has worked
  before.  Thatʼs why when a new film is successful, similar films are sure
  WHATʼS IT ABOUT?
  10
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  4
  Saving Private Ryan, screenplay by Robert Rodat.
  3
  Bonnie & Clyde, screenplay by Robert Benton & David Newman.
  
  to follow.  Since I donʼt know how to please you, I can only try to please
  myself.  But if itʼs any comfort, Iʼm very difficult to please.
  From the outset, Rick and I agreed it was time to throw a curveball.
  Every big league pitcher knows you canʼt keep throwing your fastball if
  you want to be successful.  The last movie had been a fastball and a
  good one, complete with great space monsters (the Borg) and a war to
  save the universe.  It would be a mistake, we decided, to try in this movie
  to “out-Borg the Borg.”  Instead, we agreed, this time around we should
  do something quirkier, lighter, more fun.
  The model Rick quoted most often was Star Trek: The Voyage Home
  5,
  the fourth and most successful film in the series -- a time-travel story in
  which Kirk and crew return to 20th century Earth to save an extinct
  species of whales.  Not a single weapon was fired in that film; it was a
  comedy with social conscience.  Times have changed and we knew
  thereʼd have to be weapons fired in the new movie.  But Rick wanted a
  story closer in spirit to the whale movie and that was fine with me. 
  I donʼt know about you but Iʼm weary of mean films.  Bad guys donʼt just
  get shot any more.  They get shot and fall from buildings and crash
  through glass ceilings and get impaled on sharp objects before they die.
  I was worried there might be pressure from the studio to follow that trend
  in the next Star Trek movie (and was dead wrong, by the way).
  Iʼve always felt that Star Trek’s greatest secret is its optimism.  People
  watch Star Trek because it makes them feel hope for the future.  Whoopi
  Goldberg who played Guinan on the TV series described it better than
  anyone else I know.  She recalled what it meant to her as a child to see
  a black female officer on the bridge of the original Enterprise.  “It meant
  there was a place in the future for me,” she said.  I wanted this script to
  tap into that unique Star Trek power – to make people leaving the theater
  feel better than they had going in.
  Now, remember what I said about listening to the universe, because
  when the idea came to me I wasnʼt even trying to think of one.  In fact, I
  was whining to myself one morning when it happened -- a typical
  screenwriter whine about the rejection of a script.  Iʼd written a pilot for
  ABC about the impact on our lives from the first TV set on the block in
  the nineteen-fifties.  A wonderful script.  Best work Iʼd ever done.  It took
  them about an hour to reject it.  The reason was simple: demographics. 
  The networks and their advertisers only care about people 18 to 35 years
  old.  Once you pass 35, they figure youʼve pretty well settled on Crest
  toothpaste and Coke and are not going to switch to Ultrabrite and Pepsi
  just because you see the latest commercial.  Obviously, none of todayʼs
  18 to 35 year olds were around in the fifties and conventional wisdom
  suggests they donʼt give a damn about anything that happened before
  they were born.  (Iʼll save the arguments for another day.)  
  So I was in front of the bathroom mirror cursing to myself about the
  networkʼs youth obsession as I sprayed Rogaine on my bald spot when
  my mind made an unexpected jump to the Star Trek assignment.  Weʼre
  obsessed with youth, I thought.  Looking young, feeling young, selling to
  the young.  When was the last time anybody did a fountain of youth
  story?  I couldnʼt remember.  And I smiled.
  11
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  5
  Released in 1986; story by Leonard Nimoy and Harve Bennett, screenplay by Steve
  Meerson & Peter Krikes and Harve Bennett & Leonard Nimoy.
  
  I came back to Rick with a premise I called “Heart of Lightness.”  I told
  him weʼd be using a structure based on Heart of Darkness, but that the
  trip “up the river” would lead Picard and his crew on a very different kind
  of adventure.
  “We open at Starfleet Academy in Picardʼs youth,” I told him,
  “Establishing Picard as a curly-haired, high-spirited cadet.  We give him
  a best friend, another cadet who is as close to Picard as any man has
  ever been and ever will be.
  “Flash forward to the present day and find adult Picard being given a
  mission by Starfleet Command.  His old friend is now a wanted man --
  heʼs been attacking ships in an unexplored region of space and no one
  knows why.  Picard has to track him down and if necessary, kill him.
  “The Enterprise sets off through this mysterious region and the crew
  begins to act in unusual ways.  We donʼt know why yet.  After several
  curious incidents, they finally find the hiding place of Picardʼs old friend.
  Picard transports down to the planet and discovers that he looks exactly
  the same as he did at the Academy! We ultimately learn that this is a
  fountain of youth and somebody is trying to steal it from the people who
  live there.  Picardʼs friend has been defending the natives on the planet.”
  I waited a beat and tried to gauge his reaction.  If heʼd hated it, his mouth
  would have twisted into a frown by now.  It wasnʼt twisted at all.  Not up.
  Not down.  Even.  He just looked at me and nodded.  “I love it,” he said.
  CHEAP CHICKEN & COTTAGE CHEESE
  Rick and I settled back into our old collaborative rhythms.  As we always
  had when we were creating a new television show, we met every day for
  lunch.  I would usually order a cold chicken plate from the cafeteria which
  became known as “Mikeʼs Cheap Chicken,” because it was better than
  the more expensive chicken plate from the dining room.  Rick would
  often have cottage cheese and fruit.  He had a continuing struggle with
  his weight, the only sign I ever saw of the overwhelming stress from
  producing two TV series and a feature film simultaneously. 
  Our sessions would almost always start something like this:
  Rick: Did you see the end of the game last night?
  Mike: (nods) I was there.
  Rick: Tommy and Eddie were so upset when they brought Worrell
  in from the bullpen.  
  Mike: Yeah, me too.  
  Rick: Eddie said, “Dad, he always gives up a home run.”
  Mike: It was hard to believe.  The Dodgers arenʼt going anywhere
  with this bullpen.
  Rick: (eating a melon ball) You think we could use a girl for Picard
  in this movie?  We havenʼt had any romance for him in the
  other two films.
  Mike: What if a girl came between the two guys back at the
  Academy?  They both loved her, had a big fight over her and
  she married the other guy.  She broke Picardʼs heart.
  Rick: Maybe sheʼs the one who comes to Picard and asks him to
  find her missing husband whoʼs gone off on a crazy search
  to find the fountain of youth...  
  Mike: And they start to fall in love again as they search for him.
  I would write notes down as we continued to flesh out elements of the
  story.  Then I would compose a brief memo going over the dayʼs work
  and send it off to him to consider overnight.  We would discuss that
  memo as a starting point of the following dayʼs discussion.
  Over the next few weeks, our romantic triangle evolved into a story about
  healing old wounds.  At the beginning of the film, Picard could be shown
  to be a lonely man a man who really has no close friends.  Picard would
  tell you it comes with the job.  A Captain cannot afford close friends, not
  in the way, certainly, that he did as a young man at the Academy.  But in
  truth, the distance Picard puts between himself and others, his
  discomfort with intimacy, might have begun with a young manʼs broken
  heart.
  I wasnʼt just making this up out of thin air.  I told Rick that I was drawing
  from an incident in high school in which I had lost both my best friend and
  my girlfriend in a romantic conflict.  I always draw from my own life in my
  work.  It helps me bring an honesty to the characters.  Having lived
  through it, I could understand exactly what Picard might be feeling when
  this man and woman come back into his life.  There would be regret,
  perhaps some guilt, many underlying emotions to resolve.  I knew how
  to write this.
  What might Picard learn from this story?  Perhaps, we suggested, the
  importance of staying in touch with things he let go of a long time ago -
  - things that at the time might have seemed impetuous and immature,
  but really shaped who he is today.  We forget as we grow up how
  wonderful it was to be mischievous, lazy and how to have fun.  In our
  story, Picard would embrace these qualities again and become a better
  man as a result of the experience.
  We started considering possible villains.  The Romulans, an imperialistic,
  fascist race of aliens, had been long-standing enemies of the United
  Federation of Planets (the good guys) and had never been used in a
  movie before.  Perhaps the story could be set against the threat of a new
  outbreak of war with the Romulans.
  We also talked about the idea that someone in the Federation itself might
  be involved with the Romulans in a conspiracy to steal the fountain of
  youth.  This was no small matter.  As Iʼve said, a fundamental part of
  Gene Roddenberryʼs vision is that humanity has evolved as a species by
  the Twenty-Fourth Century.  There might be a bad apple now and then
  but as a rule, the humans of the Federation were pure and good.  Rick
  and I were very protective of Roddenberryʼs vision.  But we liked the idea
  of someone in Starfleet Command sending Picard on a mission without
  telling him the entire truth.  It would provide a continuing subtext of
  tension and mystery.  We spent days delineating a complex web of
  political intrigue that would support the conspiracy.  Perhaps the
  Federation conspirators could be a cadre of old leaders (we called them
  the “alter kockers”) who were willing to betray their sacred trust in order
  to be young again.
  We began to visualize a third act in our structure that would see Picard
  as Robin Hood and the crew as his merry men (and women) protecting
  this magical world.
  On April 16th, as I was driving to work, I heard Nat King Cole singing
  the song “Stardust,” and I wrote Rick a note telling him, “If you can sing
  the lyrics of ʻStardustʼ to yourself, itʼs a reverie, to borrow one of the
  lyrics, of a man thinking about the years gone by.  It might be on the
  nose, but a working title for the script might be Stardust.  We might find
  an interesting way to use the song in the story.”  For the next several
  months, Stardust was our working title.
  APRIL 1997
  THE PITCH
  12
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  13
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  
  Patrick Stewart came in to hear our ideas earlier than we would have
  liked because we really hadnʼt settled on anything yet.  But Patrick was
  going to be in Australia to shoot Moby Dick for the next several months.
  We gave him a very brief description of the general themes of the story
  and he responded quite positively.
  Patrick had clear personal goals for Jean-Luc Picard in the new movie.
  “The great all-rounders in cricket,” he said, “...like Don Bradman or Tom
  Gravney have a whole range of shots -- fast bowling, spin bowling – they
  can hit all around the field in any direction making it impossible for the
  defensemen to position themselves.  I think of Picard as a Gravney.  And
  Gravneyʼs most dominating, intimidating shot, rarely played, is the one
  straight back at the bowler and thatʼs what Picard should do in this next
  film.”
  Uh huh.  Rick and I nodded politely as though we understood.  Rick
  finally spoke up and said, “Is this anything like a single up the middle in
  baseball?”
  “Why, yes, Iʼm sure it must be.” said Patrick.  And as we began to learn
  more about cricket, we understood that Patrick wanted his character to
  be a plain and simple hero in the next movie.  In First Contact, Picard had
  been driven for vengeance.  In Generations, Picard was full of self-
  doubts because his only family had been killed.  Patrick did not want to
  be “haunted” in this next film.  Keep it light and simple this time, he was
  saying.  Hit it straight back at the bowler.
  His wishes were not, on the surface anyway, at odds with my own
  feelings about Picardʼs character although I didnʼt mention them to
  Patrick at this meeting.  I wanted to emphasize the quality of Picard that
  I felt made him unique among film heroes.  I wanted to emphasize his
  mind.  During the seven years of the television show, Picard had
  emerged as a man of great principle and moral integrity.  He solved
  problems with his intellect and communication skills and would never
  fire weapons unless fired upon.  This side of him had not been explored
  in the other two feature films.
  The meeting with Patrick was very cordial and he seemed genuinely
  pleased that Iʼd been brought on board to write the script.  On the other
  hand, actor Brent Spiner who plays the major co-starring role of
  Lieutenant Commander Data, an android, was not as comfortable with
  me.  He was extremely polite about it but finally after discussing ideas for
  the film over lunch, he leaned forward and said, “Iʼm kind of worried that
  you donʼt know how to write my character.”  Sounds at first like an odd
  statement considering the fact that weʼd worked together as writer and
  actor on The Next Generation for five years.  But the truth is neither Brent
  nor Patrick knew me very well.
  The demands of preparing the scripts for twenty-six episodes every
  season were so great that I rarely had time to visit the set and see them
  filming what I had written.  I was always worried about the next weekʼs
  script as well as the next five or six stories in development.  I was happy
  to let Rick be the one who took all the problem calls from the actors, the
  studio and the directors so that I could keep working without interruption.
  This arrangement allowed me to get all of the various script notes
  consolidated by Rick.  It also, by the very nature of the process, kept me
  somewhat anonymous.
  Brent could only judge my contribution to the series based on scripts he
  read that had my name on the title page as the writer.  He said heʼd never
  seen my name on any of the scripts that featured Data and he was
  absolutely right.  But he didnʼt know how much rewriting that head writers
  do without credit.  This kind of rewriting is almost always necessary in
  television because free-lance writers generally donʼt know the voices of
  the characters as well as the staff writers (as soon as they do, theyʼre
  hired on staff).  And as the head writer, I was responsible for the final
  draft of every script.  If I saw a way to improve Dataʼs character, for
  example, Iʼd do a rewrite, sometimes a major rewrite.  I had written some
  of Dataʼs most memorable scenes, but Brent never knew it.  I assured
  him that I was capable of doing justice to Data.
  Again, I had very clear feelings about his character in the next movie but
  I didnʼt bring them up at this first meeting because I hadnʼt discussed
  them yet with Rick.  Roddenberry had created Data as his Pinnochio --
  the androidʼs greatest wish in life was to be human.  During the television
  series, Data was always trying to discover what makes humans tick.  But
  he was invented without the ability to feel human emotions, so his ability
  to understand humanity was limited to intellectual, computer-like
  analysis.  That changed in his first feature film appearance in
  Generations.  Data got an “emotion chip” in his positronic brain and
  suddenly he felt all the same feelings that humans feel.  It was a good
  subplot and worked very well in the movie but I was worried about the
  long term consequences to the character.  I feared The Rhoda Effect.
  Not many of you 18 to 35 year olds will remember Rhoda Morgenstern,
  but she was a character played by Valerie Harper spun off from the
  legendary Mary Tyler Moore Show and the new show was rated in the
  top ten.  Rhoda was endearingly lovelorn, always looking for the right
  man and could never find him.  It was the source of her humor and all
  the empathy that we had for her as a character.  And then in a famous
  episode, she consummated a long relationship by marrying her dream
  man, Joe.  Rhodaʼs wedding was one of the top rated television shows
  in history.  Afterwards, the series died.  It crashed in the ratings.  By
  giving her what she always wanted, the writers had taken away her
  defining quality.  Even a divorce couldnʼt save the show and Rhoda was
  canceled.
  With his new emotion chip, Data was dangerously close to getting what
  heʼd always wanted.  He was as close to being human as an android
  could be.  I wanted to get Data back to Pinnochio if I could. 
  As Rick took off for a two week vacation in Italy at the end of the month,
  I was ready to sit down and broad-stroke a first draft treatment that would
  try to connect all the story threads weʼd been talking about.
  THE ACTORS
  14
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  15
  
  Thereʼs a book every aspiring writer should read and it never even
  mentions writing.  Itʼs a book about how to improve your tennis game. 
  I read Tim Gallweyʼs The Inner Game of Tennis6 long before I started
  writing and I canʼt say that I started out saying, hum, why donʼt I adapt
  The Inner Game principles to my work as a writer.  But thereʼs no doubt
  in my mind thatʼs what happened.  Later I used the book with writers
  working for me to help free them from the tight and unsuccessful work I
  was getting.
  In trying to counsel young writers, I actually tell them to read The Inner
  Game of Tennis to become familiar with the two selves.  In the book,
  Gallwey suggests that within every player, thereʼs a self (#1) that seems
  to give instructions and make judgements (“Dammit, you idiot, keep your
  eye on the ball,”) and another self (#2) that seems to perform the action.
  The book shows you ways to get self #1 to give up control and trust self
  #2 to perform successfully.  Itʼs the difference between making it happen
  and letting it happen.
  The two selves also exist in the act of writing.  The worst thing a writer
  can do is show his hand.  You see it on film all the time -- itʼs that moment
  when you turn to your friend and say, ah, cʼmon, Harrison Ford wouldnʼt
  do that.  The audience can feel the writer forcing the story to go a certain
  way.
  When I write, I try to sit back and watch the movie.  As I do, I listen to the
  characters.  Thatʼs all, just listen and then I copy down what theyʼre
  saying to each other. My control self is nothing more than a stenographer
  allowing my imagination to flow.  The characters, not I, drive the story
  forward. If my control self wants to turn right but the characters are
  saying they want to turn left, I have to trust my characters and turn left
  and see where they take me.
  When I sit down to write the first treatment of a story, I usually have a
  starting point.  Sometimes I even know how a story might end.  But I
  really donʼt know how Iʼm going to get there.  I allow myself to enjoy the
  journey, as curious as my intended audience about where it will lead.
  At this initial story stage, I only want to lay out the broad strokes of the
  plot and see how the characters change during the story.  I look for the
  beginning, middle and end.  For the moment, I ignore details... just like
  Gallwey counsels tennis players to do.  I donʼt want to be overwhelmed
  by the challenge of identifying and solving every problem in a story this
  early in the process.  Right now I just want to get my creative arms
  around the outer perimeter of the story.  Iʼll worry about filling in the
  details later.
  One of the peculiar techniques Iʼve developed over the years to keep
  me (and the reader of the material) in the movie, is the use of ellipses
  (“...”).  To me the three dots represent the film running through the
  projector... a sort of continuing stream of pictures and words and
  consciousness... as it runs on, Iʼm watching the movie.  Itʼs not all that
  different from Gallweyʼs tennis exercises that encourage a player to
  watch the ball spin or even climbing on board the tennis ball and pretend
  youʼre riding it over the net.
  Each day as I begin to write, Iʼll watch the movie again.  I read what Iʼve
  written the last several days to see if the images are clear and logical in
  the light of a new day.  Iʼll make changes as I read and then try to
  advance the story another half dozen pages or so.
  As I sat down to write the first story of the Star Trek movie, there were
  many questions unanswered.  We had not decided what kind of aliens
  we would find with Picardʼs best friend on this magical planet.  We had
  no subplot for Data yet -- a primary consideration.  Whenever I would
  come to a hole, I plugged it with the first thing that came to my mind,
  even if Rick and I had never discussed it.  And I didnʼt hesitate to change
  things that Rick and I had discussed when something new occurred to
  me.  When I did make changes, I would pause and write italicized
  messages in parenthesis to Rick to explain why.
  One of the biggest independent decisions I made as I was writing was
  to challenge the traditional Roddenberry precept that the Federation
  could do no wrong.  It became clear to me that the stakes just werenʼt
  high enough if Picard was going against some small cadre of old people.
  Picard should go up against the entire Federation, I decided.  I knew
  Rick would have a huge problem with this.  But I felt it was necessary to
  make the picture work and I had confidence I could do it in a way that
  would still honor Roddenberryʼs vision.
  As I wrote, I heard an inner voice telling me that a story about Picard
  reuniting with an old friend would pull the focus away from the family of
  characters on board the Enterprise.  That might be a mistake, I heard
  myself say.  But my control self quickly jumped in and told me to leave
  well enough alone...
  MAY 1997
  THE INNER GAME
  16
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  6
  The Inner Game of Tennis, by W. Timothy Gallwey, Random House, Inc.
  
  STAR TREK: STARDUST
  (working title)
  treatment dated 5/9/97
  A man might do well to revisit the ideals of his youth
  as he gets older and settled in his ways.  So might
  the government of man.
  This is the story of the greatest crisis in the
  professional career of Jean-Luc Picard.  And not
  coincidentally, the greatest crisis in the long and
  noble history of the Federation.
  - - - - -
  We fade in to a formal military ball... the young men
  in their dress uniforms, the pretty girls in gowns of
  swirling pastel colors.  We might be watching the
  first reel of GONE WITH THE WIND except that officer
  over there has a blue head and a Vulcan
  7
  admiral
  stands guard at the punchbowl, watching the glee of
  the young dancers with dispassion.
  Finding two young male cadets not interested in
  dancing, but in mischief.  One of them is JEAN-LUC
  PICARD, age 21, his head still sporting dark curly
  hair, although a trace of a rising forehead can be
  detected.  The other is HUGH DUFFY, 21, not the
  handsomest of men but his eyes have a passion that
  could win any man, or woman, to his side.  They both
  have their eye on a certain girl but she’s dancing
  with a stiffly handsome cadet (NORTON).  They spike
  the synthale punchbowl with 100-proof horse elixir
  and attempt to lure Norton to drink but unfortunately
  the Vulcan admiral and his wife wind up drinking the
  punch (and will eventually be seen leading a Conga
  Line).  Picard and Duffy decide to make a quick exit
  taking the rest of the wicked punch with them...
  As they move quickly away from the assembly room,
  trying to contain their laughter, we begin to
  understand that these two young men are best of
  friends.  You’ve had a friendship like this.  We all
  have.  It may be light years away.  From another time
  and place.  But the memory of it still brings a smile
  to our lips.  It’s always with us, no matter how old
  we grow.
  The spirit of swashbuckling heroes from an earlier
  generation still lives in the hearts of these young
  men.  They joined Starfleet to make a difference, to
  bring to all corners of the galaxy all that is good
  about modern man.  But there are strong voices already
  being heard in the Federation Council that are
  asserting perhaps the very goal of “making a
  difference” is misguided.  It reeks of imperial
  arrogance.  Better not to teach the rest of the
  galaxy, but to learn from it.  Duffy laughs at the
  notion, wondering what he could learn from a savage
  like a Klingon.
  8
  Duffy, more than Picard, would be
  more comfortable in the Starfleet of James Tiberius
  Kirk than in the new Starfleet coming with the ‘next
  generation’.
  We begin to learn that Duffy is decidedly a non-
  conformist.  He proudly claims to be a Capitalist,
  believes that the elimination of currency in the
  Federation took power away from individuals and gave
  it to the government.  And he embraces the ancient
  human custom of religious worship as a Buddhist.  He’s
  trying to talk Picard into joining him in a protest
  against the Academy dress code.  We get the impression
  this is not the first time these young men have
  ruffled the feathers of authority at the Academy.
  Picard is wary of the latest scheme.  But Duffy argues
  with youthful impudence that it is dissent that keeps
  a society vital and vigorous and alert.  Conformity
  breeds apathy.  Picard is more conservative than
  Duffy... yet, he too has a youthful arrogance and he
  goes along. 
  (Okay, let me pause here to explain about Meredith.
  You’ve never met Meredith, but as recently as Tuesday
  of this week, she was “The Girl” in the picture and
  in all these scenes and many more to come.  She
  eventually marries Duffy, goes on the trip with
  Picard to bring him back and as I continued to write
  her, a voice kept telling me she was in the way.  That
  she was adding nothing and slowing things down.  On
  the ship, there was arbitrary sexual tension between
  her and Picard while she sat around and served no
  other useful purpose, plus, by being there, she took
  Picard away from scenes with his crew (the family).
  On the planet, it seemed, she was just going to be a
  third wheel, again adding sexual tension perhaps, but
  if it’s a love story about the two men getting back
  together again, I could see she was going to wind up
  a cheerleader.  Perhaps the strongest influence on my
  decision came from the Kipling movies - where there
  really was no place in the men’s lives for women,
  except as a brief recreational diversion.  If it was
  only about these three (i.e. “Butch and Sundance”),
  it might be worth exploring more about their
  triangular relationship, but we have so many other
  characters to service, I decided we had more
  important things to accomplish here so I took her
  out.  It’s the right thing to do, I think.)
  As Picard and Duffy walk across campus, they pass the
  cottage of the groundskeeper, BOOTHBY (65)
  9... and
  hear music from inside... a scratchy recording of
  Stardust sung by a singer we recognize as Nat Cole.
  They know Boothby only as a solitary old man (played
  by Ray Walston) with a remarkable green thumb who
  seems to love his rhododendrons more than people.
  They sneak up to the window and peek inside and see
  an old victrola playing a 45rpm record... and after a
  beat, Boothby’s stern face appears at the window,
  startling them.  If you want to hear the music, he
  yells at them, come inside!  And so they do.
  They find a remarkable study filled with odds and ends
  from other times and places... objets d’art or
  d’junk... and they find a man more remarkable than
  they ever previously considered.  Boothby has a sly
  sense of humor, knows far more about the two cadets
  than they do about him and, once they stop being
  intimidated by his gruffness, learn that he has an
  unusual wisdom.  Not interested in giving anybody any
  advice, mind you... but somehow he manages to lead a
  young guest to an insight in a conversation.
  Picard impresses Boothby with his knowledge of the
  Hoagy Carmichael song... but wonders why he plays it
  on a centuries old victrola instead of the ionic pulse
  discriminator that’s so accurate, it could make you
  think the singer was actually in the room.  Boothby
  scowls: in four centuries, with all their technology,
  they still haven’t come up with anything that sounds
  as good as vinyl.  As he sees Picard appreciate the
  simple technology of the victrola, Boothby tells him,
  perhaps in jest and perhaps not, that he’ll leave it
  to Picard when he passes on.
  And as they listen...
  “Love is now the stardust of yesterday,
  “The music of the years gone by...”
  DISSOLVE TO:
  Twenty-eight years later.
  Night.  A Federation settlement on the border of the
  Neutral 
  Zone
  10
  between 
  the 
  Romulans
  11
  and 
  the
  Federation... under attack.  We see it from the ground
  as the Romulan ships strafe the ground...  people
  scattering for cover... buildings exploding, streets
  being ripped up by the blasts from the ships passing
  overhead... finding one man desperately transmitting
  a call for help to any Federation vessel in range...
  but the transmission towers have been destroyed...
  it’s not clear if their message got out in time....
  more Romulan vessels move in over the city to strike
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  17
  7
  Vulcans are aliens who value logic over emotion. They have always played a major part in the
  Star Trek universe. The most famous Vulcan is Mister Spock as portrayed by Leonard Nimoy.
  8
  Klingons are also long standing aliens on Star Trek, an aggressive warrior race and former enemies of the Federation.  Lieutenant Commander
  Worf, played by Michael Dorn, is the sole Klingon officer in Starfleet.  He served as Picardʼs tactical and security officer on The Next Generation.
  9
  Boothby, the groundskeeper at Starfleet Academy, is a character (portrayed by Ray Walston) who was established
  several years ago on The Next Generation as a mentor who guided Picard through a crisis as a cadet.
  10 The Neutral Zone is a demilitarized region of space that serves
  as a buffer between the Federation and the Romulan Empire.
  11
  The Romulans are enemies of the Federation;
  an ancient and warlike offshoot of the Vulcans.
  
  a final death blow, but then the ship explodes in mid-
  air as a photon torpedo strikes it... and as the
  people below cheer with relief and look to the skies
  for their rescuers... they see the beacon of light of
  a starship moving closer into the atmosphere...
  firing at the Romulans as it comes... and we cut to...
  The Bridge of the Enterprise to see the adult Picard
  in action... organizing the defense efforts, calmly
  calling orders to his command team... which takes us
  around the ship to see all our regulars.  Worf is
  already on the Bridge (we will later establish he’s
  on a leave of absence from DS9 following increased
  tensions along the Romulan border.  We will further
  establish Worf as Starfleet’s leading expert on
  Romulan strategy... a result of lifelong study
  following the Romulan massacre at the Klingon outpost
  on Khitomer that left him an orphan.)  Riker
  12
  is
  leading a squadron of Runabouts to take on the Romulan
  fighters in air to air combat to control the skies
  over the settlement.  We see his ships ejecting from
  the Enterprise and go into action... people on the
  ground look up at the battle above their city with
  awe... searchlights comb the skies like the Battle of
  Britain.
  During the battle, we establish one of the pilots in
  the Romulan fighters - a man who is half-Romulan and
  half-Klingon, the child of a Klingon woman who was
  taken at Khitomer and raped by her Romulan captors
  (thus he is roughly Worf’s age).  His name is JOSS and
  he is a fearless combatant in the skies, a Red Baron
  for the 24th century.
  13
  Furthermore, from the glimpse
  of him we get here, he enjoys his work.  Not
  sadistically.  But as a confident competitor used to
  winning.  Indeed, he has shot down two of our ships
  and now he has Riker in serious trouble...
  But Worf’s knowledge of the Romulans helps turn the
  battle in our favor and the Romulan Commander orders
  his troops to withdraw, much to Joss’ disappointment
  and Riker’s relief... in a last daring move, Joss
  pulls his ship close enough to see Riker’s face
  through the Runabout window and ‘tips his cap’ to
  him... until next time... and zooms away...
  Picard orders his people to prepare to evacuate the
  settlement.  Beverly
  14
  comes to the Bridge to get
  Picard’s handwritten authorization to use additional
  doses of sarium
  krellide radiation to treat the wounded.  Due to a
  temporary 
  shortage 
  of 
  the 
  ore 
  that 
  provides
  regenerative radiation used in medical tools,
  Starfleet Medical has imposed a ration on usage.
  Beverly says she’s been told Starfleet scientists are
  close to perfecting a synthetic compound that will
  serve as a replacement.
  Space.  On the way to Earth.  Picard’s quarters.
  Riker brings the Captain up to date on the medical
  progress of the survivors and the political tensions
  with the Romulans.  They’re claiming the attack on
  the settlement was in retaliation for a Starfleet
  incursion into the Neutral Zone in which two of their
  ships were destroyed.  Picard reacts, unconvinced.
  They wonder what their longtime adversaries are
  after.  Riker relays Worf’s warning that when it comes
  to the Romulans, nothing is ever what it seems.
  Picard doesn’t need to be reminded.  Riker invites
  the Captain to join the evening’s poker game.  Picard
  declines; 
  admits 
  that 
  he 
  just 
  doesn’t 
  feel
  comfortable and he doesn’t think anyone else at the
  table does either when their Captain is present.
  Riker insists it’s not true.  But the Captain declines
  anyway.  And we stay with him a beat as he orders
  dinner for one from the computer, alone in his
  quarters, a reminder that it’s lonely at the top.
  Riker comes looking for Data in the same holodeck
  program he was in when we first met him in “Encounter
  at Farpoint.”  He is meditating about existence much
  the same way as he was in that first episode.  (Die
  hard fans will see the parallels to the original
  scene; newcomers won’t know the difference.)  Riker
  has been worried about the way Data has been acting
  lately.  He wants Data to come back and join the poker
  game - he’s been a no-show for weeks.  But Data
  declines, melancholy.  He explains he is no longer
  able to bluff.  Ironically, I used to be the best
  poker player on the ship.  Now, I have the emotions I
  always longed for but I can’t play poker any more.   
  Riker: You’ll learn, Data.  It’s part of your
  evolution as a lifeform.  Data nods as though he’s
  considered it.  Do you think, he asks Riker, that
  Pinnochio ever missed being a puppet after the story
  ended?  (I’m still grappling with Data’s arc but this
  is one way to start.  I see Data caught between two
  worlds.  His greatest restriction as an android has
  been lifted and yet his emotional awareness has only
  made him more aware of his shortcomings compared to
  humans.  What has always made the character special
  has been his struggle to find his identity and I want
  to get him back to that.  If he has lost faith in his
  ability to rise to the demands of humanity and finds
  it through Picard’s courage, we have a satisfying
  through line for him.  First, he might have to learn
  that he can’t go back to who he used to be.  There’s
  also another significantly different idea that we
  might want to explore, but for that, read on...) 
  Riker arrives at the game and finds to his dismay that
  Worf is the only one who’s shown up to play.  Since
  two-handed poker won’t do, Worf suggests darts, a game
  he learned to play on DS9.  Darts?, says Riker
  exasperated.  You want to play darts?  Poker is a
  warrior’s game.  What’s happened to you, Worf?  You
  used to be a Klingon.  We never should have let you
  go to Deep Space Nine
  15.  Darts?
  Earth.  Picard is accompanied by Commander NORTON,
  Starfleet liaison to the Federation Council (and the
  same stiff handsome fellow from the Academy days),
  into the gallery of the impressive chambers... to hear
  the end of a vigorous debate about a response to the
  Romulan attack.  Clearly the most enlightened man in
  the room is the Council President, a Vulcan named
  SEMARK, 55.  He is a man of peace who has invested a
  great deal of effort in negotiating a treaty with the
  Romulans that would tear down the Neutral Zone and
  settle all outstanding territorial disputes.
  It would be his crowning achievement.  But this new
  outbreak of violence is seriously threatening all of
  his hopes.  Picard watches Semark with admiration as
  he calmly responds to the angry rhetoric, trying to
  preserve the peace initiative.  And like any citizen
  watching his government in action, we may sense in
  Picard a certain pride of being part of the process...
  in space, Picard is the Federation.  It is his life.
  That he would ever give up that life, turn against his
  government, and in the opinion of some, the Federation
  itself, couldn’t be further from his mind at this
  moment.
  As Semark leads Norton and Picard into his office,
  Picard is informed that what he’s about to be told is
  classified and must remain a secret due to the
  sensitive political implications.  He is surprised to
  learn there may be a basis to the Romulan claims.  
  Somebody in a starship is creating havoc in the
  Neutral Zone, leading hostile alien ships in attacks
  against the Romulans.  (The Romulans claim they went
  into the zone to investigate sensor readings that
  revealed a Federation vessel was illegally present.)
  But the Romulans can’t find him and neither can we.
  We’ve sent in probes, hailed across every com-link
  bandwidth.  Nothing.  Whoever it is is hiding in a
  navigational nightmare known on Earth as The Briar
  Patch, named after the folk tale.  A millennium ago,
  a group of mysterious, xenophobic aliens escaped from
  Romulans by fleeing into the seemingly impenetrable
  SPACETECH
  16 much like Br’er Rabbit escaped the fox in
  the briar patch.
  The Patch is unexplored space because, frankly, no
  18
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  12 Commander William Riker, Picardʼs first officer, played by Jonathan Frakes who would soon
  be hired as director for this film.
  13 Those of you familiar with The Prisoner of Zenda might see a great deal of Douglas
  Fairbanks Jr. in the villainous half-Klingon, half-Romulan character of Joss.
  14 Doctor Beverly Crusher, the Chief Medical Officer aboard the Enterprise, played by Gates
  McFadden.
  15 Worfʼs character joined the cast of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine in its forth season.
  16 We often just write “TECH” when we need some assistance from one of our technical consultants to help make sense of the science.
  
  one wants to go in there.  Picard understands that he
  is being asked to go in, find this ship and bring it
  back.  And he’s told it must be accomplished before
  the end of the current session of the Federation
  Council.  Semark explains the treaty must be voted on
  before the session adjourns in three weeks.  If it is
  defeated, all of his hopes for peace with the Romulans
  will be defeated too.
  Norton tells Picard
  they have a theory and some
  evidence to support it and it has to do with a ship
  presumed destroyed five years earlier in the Neutral
  Zone... a ship being flown by a man they both know -
  - Lieutenant Commander Hugh Duffy.
  Picard reacts, knows Duffy was reportedly killed in a
  fight with the Romulans after he violated orders,
  crossing the border trying to prove that the Romulans
  were building a secret installation in the Neutral
  Zone.  That assertion was never proved, and even the
  Enterprise’s efforts to investigate it proved futile.
  (Hard core fans will remember relevant episodes from
  the third season of TNG, others won’t notice.)  New
  evidence suggests Duffy and his ship may have
  survived.
  They call for a holo-video from the computer...
  Duffy’s last log.  It plays right there in the office,
  wired as a holodeck:
  Duffy, a man in his late forties, under fire,
  seemingly killed as he’s apparently being forced into
  The Patch by the Romulans.  But now we’re beginning
  to think that Duffy deliberately went into The Patch
  to escape, just as those xenophobic aliens escaped a
  millennium ago.  No debris was ever recovered.
  Our probes have picked up a ship’s signature traces
  that matches Duffy’s.  In addition, the Romulans say
  their sensors identified a human lifeform at the helm.
  We don’t know if he’s gone mad, gone native or what.
  According to his record, he was always a malcontent,
  says Norton.  Picard interrupts: he was a man of great
  passion... adding that he hadn’t spoken to him for
  years before his apparent death.  And we are led to
  believe by Picard’s manner that for some reason, the
  friendship didn’t endure.
  Before Picard leaves, Semark gives Picard a box that
  someone over at the Academy sent over for him the day
  before... Picard, curious, opens it... it’s the
  victrola... and he realizes it means that Boothby is
  dead... he tells his colleagues that he must make a
  quick stop at the Academy before he leaves to pay his
  final respects to someone who meant a great deal to
  him...
  Meanwhile, Data pays a surprise visit to the android
  lab at the Daystrom Institute (if it’s Mars, he took
  the shuttle) and for the research team, it’s like
  Michael Jordan coming back to visit his high school
  coaches.  They are in awe of Soong’s creation,
  17 ask
  to have their holo-grams taken with him.  Their own
  androids have a program that only simulates
  self-
  awareness and,  reflecting their creators’ attitude,
  they have been programmed to   aspire to become like
  Data.  To them, Data is the superstar of androids.
  They can only imagine how wonderful it must be to have
  his abilities.  And Data may remind us of the
  celebrity who feels empty as he is worshipped...
  (Now, originally I wrote this as sort of a throw-away
  scene of self-exploration for Data... it seemed like
  an interesting counterpoint to Picard going back to
  the Academy.  But as I wrote it, I became infatuated
  with the idea of Data as the object of hero-worship
  by other androids.  I mean, all these years he’s
  wanted to be like us.  Now, the tables are reversed
  and their great wish is to be like him.  I began to
  wonder if there wouldn’t be fun in bringing one or
  more of the androids along to fuel a Data subplot.
  You know the old saying about the teacher learning
  from the pupils he’s teaching [quoted in the verse to 
  Rodger and Hammerstein’s “Getting to Know You”, I
  believe].
  Still not sure what it is Data should learn however.
  Have to be careful that we don’t retell the Lal or the
  exocomp
  18 story again.  And the risk is, of course,
  that it not turn into the new androids’ story but that
  the new androids serve as a catalyst to tell a Data
  story.  Data might get weary of being a hero to these
  guys.  Perhaps, ironically, because they have a
  simulated self-awareness, he doesn’t take them
  seriously and has to learn to.  Although it steps on
  the exocomp ending, I can see an android sacrificing
  himself to save Data [rather like Gunga Din].
  There is a lot of potential for humor in these
  androids following Data around.  I’m not going to
  develop this much further until we talk but if we go
  this way, and I’d like to try, then Data has come to
  Daystrom to pick out a few androids because the
  mission requires it.)
  As Data examines the blank faces of the other androids
  deciding which to choose, cut to -
  The faces of young cadets on the campus of Starfleet
  Academy... as Picard walks leisurely across campus...
  and there is no experience quite like going back like
  this... seeing the young people walking the same
  pathways that you once walked...
  He comes to the home of Boothby and it seems very much
  as he remembers it... he lets himself in and clearly
  it’s in a state of disarray, someone’s been packing
  up the dear departed’s belongings... but the study
  looks much the same as it always did... and Picard
  picks up a few items and looks with nostalgia at them
  and perhaps even utters a quiet, Rest in Peace,
  Boothby.  Whereupon the answer comes back: The hell I
  will... And Picard turns with shock to see Boothby
  very much alive.  Boothby: Didn’t anyone ever teach
  you to knock?
  Boothby tells Picard he’s just been packing up some
  of the old junk to make more room... but we may also
  get the impression that he sent the victrola to lure
  Picard to see him.  A curious scene follows in which
  Boothby, who almost seems to know about Picard’s
  confidential mission, asks about young Mister Duffy.
  Picard lies to the old man, reminds him that Duffy is
  dead.  Boothby, playing the old dodderer only for
  effect, nods as though remembering... says what a
  shame it was that Picard and Duffy didn’t have a
  chance to reconcile their differences before we lost
  him.  Here today, gone tomorrow, they say.  There’s
  always so much left unsaid in the heart and then it’s
  too late to say it.
  Picard gets the distinct impression that Boothby is
  telling him not to waste this opportunity.  And far
  from the old dodderer, this is a man who, at a hundred
  plus, may be the youngest man Picard has ever known.
  The Enterprise’s departure is briefly delayed by the
  late arrival of their sarium krellide ration but they
  finally get under way.  The first complication comes
  as the Enterprise enters the Neutral Zone... a Romulan
  Warbird decloaks, apparently poised for a fight.  The
  Captain is Joss who insists that his ship will be
  accompanying the Enterprise.
  This was not part of the arrangement, but the Romulans
  do not intend to let Starfleet go in and cover-up all
  the evidence of their own mis-deeds.  As the political
  liaison on board, Commander Norton encourages Picard
  to accept the Romulan escort. Joss says he looks
  forward to closer relations between our peoples...
  and he seems to have his eye on Troi
  19 when he says it.
  Worf clearly doesn’t like the fellow.
  The journey is extremely dangerous and full of natural
  space hazards that force us again and again to retreat
  from this impenetrable morass that is truly worthy of
  the name, Briar Patch. It seems impossible that
  someone could ever get in there, let alone survive...
  Joss almost enjoys seeing the great Enterprise
  flounder in its efforts...
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  19
  17 The reference to Data as Soongʼs creation is identifying
  the androidʼs inventor, Doctor Noonien Soong.
  18 The Lal and exocomp stories were both episodes from The Next Generation that were variations on android
  themes and points up one of the great problems of writing a new Star Trek story -- not repeating yourself.
  19 Commander Deanna Troi, shipʼs Counselor (therapist), an empathic alien who has
  the ability to sense what other people are feeling.  Sheʼs played by Marina Sirtis.
  
  At a Captain’s dinner, Joss continues his overt
  pursuit of Troi and at the same time, goes out of his
  way to provoke Worf.  Joss hates Klingons as much as
  Worf hates Romulans.  And when Worf finally wonders
  aloud how Joss could emulate a race that gave him life
  as the result of his mother’s rape, he calmly replies
  that he preferred to take after his father... instead
  of 
  those 
  cowardly 
  Klingon 
  jumbuck 
  who 
  were
  slaughtered at Khitomer.  That is a direct insult to
  Worf’s parents and Joss knows it and it requires
  satisfaction. 
  Despite Norton’s protests, Picard is forced by his
  respect for Worf’s belief’s to allow a bat’telh fight
  on the holodeck... he does refuse to permit it to be
  a fight to the death, however.  Just first blood for
  honor.  The fight is terrific but there has never been
  a bat’telh combatant as good as Joss... and Worf is
  beaten badly.  Clearly, he would have been killed but
  for Picard’s mandate.  To add insult to injury, Joss
  catches Troi with a surprise kiss as a reward for his
  victory.  Picard orders him off the ship.  (One of the
  reasons I’ve brought them along is to create a true
  villain so we can cheer when he is defeated.)
  Data and Geordi
  20 work on trying to solve the mystery
  of entering The Patch... and although Data doesn’t
  want to be pestered by his android fans, they
  ultimately contribute the idea that helps solve the
  problem: the Enterprise will re-enact the exact
  sequence 
  of 
  events 
  leading 
  to 
  Duffy’s 
  ship
  disappearing and see where it takes us...
  (Two notes: perhaps in this scenario, it is smarter
  not to have Data miss being a puppet at the start but
  to learn to appreciate the value of puppets as a
  result of this story.  Second, I have not built in
  stops along the river, talking to natives, etc.
  because I feel we need to get to the planet by page
  50 and, I may be wrong, but I think there’s an awful
  lot upfront...)
  The ploy works and we enter into the core of The
  Patch’s SPACETECH... slipping through the hazards
  into a dazzling hidden solar system within.  Due to
  the unique space particles, the color of this system
  is almost a British racing green... it will be like
  the ancient explorers coming upon their first sight of
  the Pacific Ocean...
  There is little time to appreciate the sight because
  almost immediately we are attacked by dozens of small
  alien ships... Joss, in the Romulan ship, immediately
  opens fire... Picard tries to open communications but
  there is no response... our sensors pick up a
  Federation starship hiding behind a moon...
  Picard orders us into pursuit... and the starship is
  forced out of hiding... Picard tries to make contact
  with Duffy but the only response is a signal to
  withdraw from the aliens’ sovereign space.
  Joss launches a full-out assault on Duffy’s ship...
  and now Picard must fly the Enterprise between the
  Romulan ship and the smaller Starship to protect it,
  all the while demanding the Romulan captain to cease
  fire.  Finally, the smaller ship is damaged and is
  forced to land on an M-class planet that has a golden
  ring around it...
  Picard is convinced by the events that it must be
  Duffy in there and decides to go to the planet
  surface to try and talk him into coming back.  He
  takes Worf, Beverly and Geordi with him on the away
  team.
  They beam down to find a paradise as close to a Garden
  of Eden as we can imagine.  The village, an intriguing
  architecture of structures built into the natural
  environment of a cliff, yet extremely modern, is
  deserted.  Worf informs them that sensors indicate
  that the entire population is hiding in the woods on
  the outskirts of the village.  On the word ‘village’,
  his voice cracks.  He tries again and his voice cracks
  again.  Picard asks him if he’s all right. Worf
  assures him that he is, although his voice seems a tad
  high as he says it.
  Then a strange thing happens to Geordi... his neo-
  visor suddenly malfunctions... everything is suddenly
  too bright for him... when Beverly checks him, she
  can’t believe what her tricorder tells her – Geordi’s
  optical nerve has started carrying visual impulses:
  Your visor isn’t malfunctioning... your eyes are
  working!  And he takes off the eye hardware: and
  incredibly, his eyes are just beginning to shape
  genuine images.  Picard asks for explanations.  They
  have none.
  A beat later, they find themselves surrounded by armed
  resident aliens.  Picard could beam out his team but
  he allows the capture, knowing that it is the only way
  to confront the man he’s looking for.
  They are led into the village and aliens begin to
  emerge from hiding, look curiously out at them.  An
  enigmatic native host greets them and sees to it they
  are comfortable and well treated.  They are offered
  fresh vegetables and fruits from the garden.  There
  seem to be flowers everywhere.  Picard presses the
  host for a meeting with the human who lives there.
  The host surprises him by saying simply – Mister Duffy
  will join you shortly.
  They are left alone to speculate.  Has Duffy set
  himself up as some sort of king here, or convinced
  these people with technology he’s some sort of God?
  Has he gone mad?  Their thoughts are punctuated by
  continuing odd occurrences to each of them.  One of
  the lingering injuries that Worf suffered in his fight
  with Joss has disappeared.  Beverly gets a pimple.
  All of their fingernails have grown longer.  (We need
  a list of this kind of stuff to spread throughout;
  probably need a TECH advisor to tell us what might
  occur to the body.)
  The door finally opens and a man emerges from the
  shadows and moves toward them...as he hits the light,
  we see it is Duffy.  Exactly as Picard remembers him
  from the Academy.  He can’t be possibly more than
  twenty-one years old.
  (This is the act one break.)
  The exposition comes quickly: this planet is
  virtually made of sarium krellide (another ‘Stardust’
  metaphor).  On most humanoids, it has a remarkable
  regenerative 
  effect. 
   
  The 
  first 
  effects 
  are
  particularly striking – sort of like going out in a
  harsh sun without a sunscreen on.  But the process
  begins to slow as the body adapts.  The natives who
  have lived here for a millennium do not get younger
  but do live for several hundred years.  Duffy says
  he’s looked like this for almost two years and does
  not expect to get any younger.  (Why has he stayed?
  Maybe he’s found true happiness for the first time in
  his life.  I’m not sure.)
  The relationship between Picard and Duffy is civil,
  even cordial but not intimate.  When Picard asks him
  why he’s been attacking the Romulans, Duffy says the
  Romulans have, in fact, established an illegal
  installation in the Neutral Zone driven by their need
  for sarium krellide.  Their exploratory missions
  brought them close to this system... they’d sent
  probes into The Patch designed to detect the ore and
  were trying to follow the readings... any time they
  got too close, we took action to stop them.
  Picard: Without consideration for the consequences to
  the Federation.  Duffy: The Federation can take care
  of itself - these people can’t.  Picard: So you chose
  to ignore the Prime Directive...  Duffy gets angry
  with Picard: I knew what the Romulans would do to this
  planet if they found it.  And what would happen to the
  people who lived on it.  Check your history books
  under Bajor or American Indians for reference.
  A huge boom sounds in the distance from outside.  Then
  another.  Duffy reacts: And now, thanks to you, Jean-
  Luc, they’re here.  
  20
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  20 Lieutenant Commander Geordi La Forge, our Chief Engineer, is blind, but his futuristic ocular implants give him technically superior vision.  Played by LeVar Burton, Geordi was Conn officer during the first season of The Next Generation, not only
  adding a physically challenged character to Star Trek, but providing the irony of a blind man flying the Enterprise.
  
  They go outside to see what’s going on, joining aliens
  gathered at an overlook to see the Romulans have
  already started to set up mining operations on the
  planet.  Enraged, Picard and the away team are beamed
  up.  Picard confronts Joss from the Bridge.  Joss says
  in a matter of days, the new treaty will yield this
  sector to the Romulans.  We can do with it as we
  please.
  Commander Norton urges Picard not to interfere, the
  most important thing is not to do anything that would
  endanger the treaty.  Picard doesn’t waste time
  arguing with a flack like Norton -– he goes to call
  Semark directly.  But he’s told Semark is unavailable.  
  He returns alone to the surface to speak to Duffy; he
  urges Duffy to return with him voluntarily, address
  the Council, tell them what’s happening here.  They
  will listen.  This is the Federation.  They will not
  abandon these people.  Duffy laughs sadly at Picard’s
  blind faith.  He’s convinced the Federation has turned
  a blind eye to the Romulan activity in the Neutral
  Zone.  During the last several months, there were
  Romulan ships everywhere, cloaking, decloaking,
  firing probes... the Federation’s perimeter sensors
  must have picked them up... if Starfleet had done
  their job and responded to the incursions, we would
  not have had to take action ourselves.  Duffy believes
  the Federation knew and yet permitted it to happen
  because they wanted the treaty to go through.
  Picard doesn’t believe it and it turns into an ugly
  quarrel.  And through this fight, we get to the core
  of the conflict between the two men.  We can infer
  from what is said that this is very much like the last
  fight the two of them had as young men.  There was,
  we will begin to understand for the first time, a
  difficult period of transition between the Federation
  of Kirk’s era and the Federation of Picard’s era.  The
  change of direction led to serious protests,
  especially on the part of young people.  Duffy had
  become quite radical, challenging the leadership of
  the Federation and the direction they were taking us.
  Picard couldn’t follow him there.  Duffy had accused
  Picard of compromising and abandoning his principles
  for the sake of career.  Picard had accused Duffy of
  refusing to adapt to the needs of a new era.  ‘Adapt’
  was an anathema to Duffy.
  Once again they seem to be fighting the old fight...
  with Duffy’s wild charges about the Federation being
  in collusion with the Romulans.  And the scene ends
  with the two men as angry at each other as ever.
  Picard returns to the ship, tries again to get to
  Semark, once again is frustrated when he’s told Semark
  is unavailable.  He paces furiously trying to process
  what’s happened.  And finally, he goes to Troi and he
  asks her for a favor, a very difficult favor, and if
  she turns it down, he’ll understand.
  The Romulan Ship.  Joss is surprised when he’s told
  he has a guest.  And it’s Troi and she’s dressed to
  kill.  She does a Mata Hari number with Joss in his
  quarters, in a situation that almost gets beyond her
  control, finally sedates him with a drug under her
  fingernails and then penetrates the Romulan’s
  computer system...
  This is what she discovers: after the Romulan probes
  had found a significant source of sarium krellide,
  the treaty negotiations were accelerated with an
  understanding that the Romulans and the Federation
  would share the medical ore found in this sector.
  Then the attacks by Duffy and the aliens began,
  threatening the agreement.  But the Romulans couldn’t
  find Duffy and couldn’t penetrate The Patch.  So, the
  Federation agreed to send in their flagship.  Picard
  is horrified to learn that he was in fact being used
  to lead the Romulans to the ore.  And no one even
  seemed to give a second thought to the aliens who
  claimed that space as their own.  The communications
  with the Romulans had been handled throughout by
  Commander Norton.
  Picard is angrier than we’ve ever seen him when he
  confronts Norton.  Confronted with the evidence,
  Norton admits the truth.  The Federation scientists’
  efforts to make synthetic sarium krellide had failed
  completely.  We desperately needed the ore.  As for
  the aliens to whom it rightfully belongs?  Norton
  sounds like every other bureaucrat in history when he
  says, we have the Romulans word that they will be
  adequately compensated and moved to a hospitable
  location.  Picard: To move them is to destroy them.
  Their biology depends on the environment of this
  planet.  If you take them from the radiation or take
  the radiation from them, it is virtually genocide.
  Norton vaguely tries to assure Picard that it won’t
  come to that, but his empty promises are interrupted
  when Picard does something I don’t believe we’ve ever
  seen him do.  He punches Norton in anger.  Looming
  over him like Clay over Liston, he asks Norton if this
  was done with Semark’s approval.  Norton doesn’t
  answer as he rubs his chin, only says: I’ll have you
  up on charges, Picard.  Picard answers simply, You’re
  damned right, you will.  He orders the computer to
  hold Norton incommunicado in his quarters and exits.
  In a surprising scene, we find the poker game in
  progress as Picard enters, greeting everyone warmly
  and sits down to play a few hands.  He has the sort
  of calm that people who have decided to commit suicide
  often have.  And as he asks a few personal questions
  and makes eye contact with each member of his senior
  crew, we may understand that he wanted to see his
  family once more...
  Picard’s quarters.  Four pips being laid on a counter
  top one at a time.  Picard studies himself in the
  mirror, begins to remove his Starfleet uniform.  It is
  the saddest moment of his life.  He knows he can no
  longer represent his government as it allows the
  exploitation of this world and he cannot abandon the
  aliens as they’re about to be destroyed. He is prepared
  to sacrifice everything he has worked for to follow
  his conscience to join an almost impossible fight.
  In civvies, Picard enters a Runabout and is surprised
  to find Data waiting for him...  Data, as an astute
  observer of human behavior, knew something was up with
  Picard and anticipated something like this... (This
  will be affected by Data’s arc but it would be nice
  if we used emotions to advance Data a notch or two:
  something like Data saying to Picard: “I realized I
  was worried about you, Sir.”)
  Picard doesn’t want Data to come along, telling him
  that there’s a certain court martial in store for him.
  He won’t let anyone share the responsibility for what
  he’s about to do.  
  Data: Very well, sir.  I hereby consider myself taken
  hostage.  Or: I believe that pesky emotion chip is
  malfunctioning again, sir.  I’m not sure I can be held
  accountable for my actions.  Picard finally permits
  him to come.
  As he sees the Enterprise through the window as we
  move away from it... Picard wonders if it may be the
  last time he ever sees this ship.
  (End of act two)
  Duffy is not surprised to hear the truth from Picard
  but he is surprised to see Picard, out of uniform,
  ready to fight the good fight.  You punched
  him?
  Perhaps the environment here has already had an effect
  on you, Jean-Luc, he says with a slight grin.  And the
  reconciliation begins.
  They 
  begin 
  by 
  sabotaging 
  the 
  Romulan 
  mining
  operations and then disappearing into the forest like
  Robin Hood escaping from the Sheriff of Nottingham
  (using dampening field TECH to disable phasers and
  fool tricorders).
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  21
  
  Joss is furious and since Starfleet can’t seem to
  control its own officers, he leads his crew to the
  planet surface to find the rebels, making it clear
  that he intends to kill Picard and Duffy when he finds
  them.  Norton is equally outraged and orders Riker to
  take an away team and arrest Picard and Duffy.  Riker
  follows the orders, knowing that he has to get to
  Picard before the Romulans do.  The androids who are
  worried about Data insist on joining the search party.
  The action builds throughout the third act as Picard
  and Duffy use guerrilla tactics to thwart the
  Romulans.  Joss leads breathtaking sweeps through the
  forest in anti-grav vehicles firing plasma discharges
  defoliating the landscape.  Picard and Duffy stay one
  step ahead, go on the offensive, continuing to
  humiliate Joss.  Their goal?  The only goal an out-
  numbered, out-armed force can have.  To make the
  superior force suffer such costs, they ultimately
  have to withdraw.  Meanwhile, there’s also a match of
  wits between Riker and Picard; as Picard manages to
  craftily elude his own senior officers.
  As the sequence continues, we begin to realize that
  Picard is getting younger, first psychologically and
  then gradually physically as well.  We see that
  swashbuckling spirit of an earlier era revived in his
  heart.  At the end of a particularly satisfying
  victory over the Romulans, he hugs Duffy with
  exhilaration.  In a way, Picard is embracing his own
  youth, feeling again the bond of his lost friendship.
  It turns into a deeply emotional moment for him.
  After Riker and his team find themselves outfoxed and
  trapped by Picard, he appears and tells them to take
  the Enterprise back to Earth and inform the council
  what’s happened here.  We must delay the approval of
  the treaty.  Despite his loss of faith in Semark, he
  still believes in the Federation; he still believes in
  the people.  Once they know the truth, they will not
  allow this to continue.  Beverly isn’t so sure: there
  are a lot of people who will suffer without the
  medical ore.  Picard disagrees.  Modern medicine did
  not begin with the discovery of regenerative
  radiation.  The people of the Federation will make
  the sacrifice, says Picard.  Never underestimate the
  people.
  Riker says Norton won’t let the Enterprise leave until
  Picard and Duffy are captured and on board.  Picard
  and Duffy know they can’t abandon the planet to Joss
  and the Romulans.  Picard concludes simply... we’ll
  have to take the Romulans with us.  The crew reacts:
  to Earth?  Picard nods...
  Picard and his crew, reunited, attempt to capture the
  Romulans, leading to a final climatic battle.  Joss
  engages Picard in a bat’telh fight.  Picard is
  overmatched but after several beats, he seems to gain
  a youthful vigor and through special effects, his
  image grows younger until he almost looks twenty-one
  again.  Still, Joss is a remarkable combatant and
  finally is about to kill Picard, but his bat’telh is
  stopped on its downward thrust in mid-air by a new
  weapon and he turns to see Worf has arrived to save
  Picard’s life.  Joss turns to engage Worf: This time
  to the death, Klingon.  And if we thought the first
  fight was something special, well, this becomes one of
  the great sword fights ever put on film.
  Finally, Worf triumphs and Joss falls to his death
  and the victory is won.  The Romulans are round up for
  transport to the Enterprise.  But Duffy has been
  mortally wounded.
  They take him to the ship to try to save his life...
  and as they rush him to Sickbay, we see Picard begin
  to age rapidly... until he looks his real age again...
  In Sickbay, Duffy and Picard say a last, touching
  farewell between best friends.  Picard promises that
  Duffy will not have died in vain.  When he dies, Duffy
  also returns to his normal age.
  Picard orders his crew to set a course for Earth.
  Norton attempts to take command and orders the
  Romulans released.  Picard ignores him, but Riker
  tells him unless he’s prepared to fly this ship alone,
  he’d do well to get out of the way.  Picard gives the
  order to “Engage!”...
  The Federation Council.  The debate about the treaty
  with the Romulans is drawing to a close.  Semark calls
  for a vote.  And then the double doors at the rear
  burst open and Jean-Luc Picard enters and confronts
  Semark.  Semark calls for the sergeant-at-arms to
  arrest him.  But other members of the council want to
  hear what he has to say.  Picard’s speech, which I
  will not write here, is a passionate defense of
  everything the Federation stands for.
  He urges the Council not to approve the treaty.
  Semark listens with Vulcan cool and suggests that
  Picard has overstated the seriousness of the
  situation on the planet; he has seen the reports from
  Commander Norton and it is clear that Picard let his
  emotions interfere with his duty.  My duty, says
  Picard, is to the Federation and the fundamental
  principals on which it is founded.  And yes I am
  emotional when it comes to those principles.
  Semark dismisses Picard’s actions as irrational: he
  has threatened a lasting peace with the Romulans and
  deprived worlds of needed medical aide by his criminal
  acts of sabotage.  The criminal act was yours, sir,
  says Picard impudently, causing gasps among the
  assembled.  And even the Vulcan is having a difficult
  time containing his emotions.  Semark: What would you
  tell the mother of one of our children who may die
  without that ore, Picard?  Picard: I will not trade
  the life of an alien child to save one of ours...  
  Semark sees he is not getting anywhere here, lists
  the criminal charges for which Picard will stand
  trial.  As for his career as a Starfleet officer, as
  Captain of the Enterprise, that’s over.  His senior
  crew has been suspended from duty as well.  Semark: I
  hope you can see the logic in what you’ve
  accomplished, Mister Picard.  Because I cannot.
  He orders the guards to take him away and calls for
  the vote to begin...  As the guards begin to escort
  Picard from the chamber, someone begins to clap in
  the gallery... and Picard pauses to look up and sees
  it is Boothby applauding, standing... and as the two
  men’s eyes connect, a second person in the gallery
  joins Boothby, then a third, and another and another
  until the whole gallery is cheering Picard by name.
  As he’s led out, the council members look at each
  other understanding the people have spoken.  We can
  infer the treaty will be defeated and that Semark may
  have won the battle but has lost the war.
  As for Picard’s future and the future of his crew, we
  will have to wait until the next movie to find out...
  FADE OUT.
  THE END
  Okay, I’m sure the first topic of discussion will be
  the Federation’s participation in the conspiracy.
  Picard’s decision to resign becomes a far deeper
  dramatic turn this way.  It’s really what makes it
  work.  If it were just saving the natives, heck,
  Picard does that every week.  But now, Picard chooses
  to be the one who will stand up for the principles of
  the Federation when his leaders have failed him.
  It’s a much more courageous thing to do and will give
  the film power.  The great movies are about heroes who
  stand alone fighting for what they believe in.  Put
  Ian McKellan in Vulcan ears as Semark and I’ll give
  you a final scene between him and Picard that will
  resonate for years to come.
  Eric21 points out correctly that some of this comes
  awfully close to the Maquis arc: the nature of the
  political situation (new treaty with an enemy),  The
  Patch (impenetrable space like the Badlands) plus the
  role of Duffy as guerrilla against the enemy
  encroachment of this world.  Part of this will be
  solved when we create the unique quality of the
  aliens and their environment.  But we need to go out
  of our way to find the differences.  The treaty gives
  us a clock... but the comparison to the Maquis will
  end if we lose the formal treaty negotiation.  What
  other kind of clock can we come up with?
  22
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  21 Eric A. Stillwell, my loyal and trustworthy assistant who has been
  part of Star Trek since the first season of The Next Generation.
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  23
  
  I knew Rick didnʼt like it.  He didnʼt have to tell me.  I just knew.  By what
  he didnʼt say.  Not a word about it since heʼd been back.
  Rick:
  How about those Giants?
  Michael: Dusty Bakerʼs a great manager. (Yeah, yeah, cʼmon
  already.  Letʼs hear the bad news.)
  Rick:
  (sucking up a spoonful of cottage cheese) Theyʼre gonna
  be tough this year.  
  Michael: Itʼs a long season. (That damned poker face of his.  Not
  even a clue.)
  Rick:
  (picking up the treatment) I have quite a few problems
  with this, but not the ones you think Iʼll have.
  I leaned back in my chair and tried to casually raise a curious eyebrow
  but I never could raise one eyebrow.
  “Itʼs all too political,” he said.  “There are politics in Picardʼs back story.
  Politics between the Romulans and the Federation.  Duffyʼs motivations
  are political.  Who cares?”
  I nodded.  Okay, I can see that.  Iʼd set Duffy and Picardʼs Academy
  conflict against the kind of radical movement Iʼd known in the Sixties.
  Their relationship was not unlike some of my own in college.  Like Picard,
  I chose a less radical path than many of my friends.  No big deal -- Iʼll find
  another backstory.  We can simplify the other politics in the story.
  I waited for him to say he missed the girl, but he never got to that.  He
  touched briefly on his unhappiness that Iʼd turned this into a Federation
  Conspiracy.  I argued my point again that it made Picard a stronger hero
  and he gave a non-committal shrug and went on to his big note.  His
  really big note.
  “And then thereʼs the fountain of youth thing...,” he said.
  What was that?  What did he say?  The fountain of youth thing?  What
  is that supposed to mean?
  He read from page 35 of the document: “We begin to realize that Picard
  is getting younger, first psychologically and then gradually physically as
  well.  We see that swashbuckling spirit of an earlier era revived in his
  heart.”
  He looked at me.  “In other words, Picardʼs an old man who doesnʼt get
  to buckle his swash until the planet makes him young again.  But heʼs
  our hero.  When the movieʼs over and heʼs back to normal again, he
  needs to be a vital man of action.  Patrick will hate this.  Heʼll never do
  it.” 
  “But he didnʼt have a problem with a fountain of youth concept,” I said.
  “He will when he reads this,” said Rick.  “You’re telling our star he’s an
  old man!”
  I sputtered looking for words to argue but I couldnʼt find them.  “If itʼs a
  fountain of youth story, heʼs got to get younger,” I finally said.  
  “Then maybe it shouldnʼt be a fountain of youth story.  I wonʼt be able to
  sell this to Patrick.”
  I let out a deep breath.  It was hard to disagree with Rickʼs prediction of
  Patrickʼs reaction.  For the moment, I couldnʼt find a way around it.  
  “I have an idea” said Rick, pulling me out of my despair.  “What if the
  guy Picard finds on the planet... is Data.”
  NOTES
  Okay, if youʼre the writer, what do you do?  Your producer (and
  collaborator) just told you to throw out everything youʼve been working
  on and start over again.  Do you argue?  Stand up for your creative
  vision?  Weep?
  Look, the truth is none of us like to hear notes.  We want it to be perfect
  the first time.  It never is and we know that and we know we need those
  notes, but we just feel the way my nine-year-old daughter feels about
  swallowing a pill when sheʼs sick.
  There are many different things to do with notes.  Some writers capitulate
  and execute whatever the notes call for.  Some writers throw them in the
  trash can and write whatever they want to write.  Some writers try to
  shove them up the ass of the person who gave them.  One of the latter
  group was Eugene Piller, my father.
  Dad was a screenwriter in Hollywood in the 1940s before I was born.  I
  still find people who worked with him and say he was one of the most
  talented writers they knew.  But Dad had a very serious problem: he
  couldnʼt take notes from anyone.  And one night in the bar at Chasenʼs,
  the popular Beverly Hills restaurant, he punched out a big-time producer
  because he didnʼt like his notes.  That punch ended my fatherʼs career.
  Shortly thereafter, my parents moved to New York and he went into
  business as an interior decorator.  He was a fine, sad interior decorator
  for the rest of his life.
  Dad taught me a great deal about writing as I grew up.  I remember how
  he showed me how to add specific details to descriptive passages of a
  seventh grade short story about a Russian nuclear attack.  Twenty years
  later, when I told him I was quitting my job at CBS to become a full-time
  writer, it was almost like I’d dropped the atom bomb.  I could hear the
  groan at the other end of the phone.  “You donʼt know what itʼs like out
  there,” he warned.  Dad never gave me any advice about taking notes.
  He didnʼt have to.  Every time I ate a bowl of Chasenʼs famous chili, I got
  the message.
  When I wrote my first professional script for the television series Simon
  & Simon, I turned in what I thought was a very good script.  When I got
  the notes from the producers, the studio and the network, I was aghast.
  These were horrible changes!  I agreed to make them because, after all,
  I was a first time writer and I really had no choice.
  I went home and angrily worked on the script.  I decided to do exactly
  what they told me, knowing that when I was done, everyone would see
  how terrible the notes had been and how the script had been hurt by
  them.  Bad idea.  I turned in my draft, they read it and said, “Thank you
  very much,” took it away from me, and rewrote it themselves.
  In time, I learned that the writerʼs job is to find a constructive way to
  address the notes and to use them to improve the script no matter how
  you might feel when you first hear them.
  Sure, thereʼll be times when you have such fundamental problems with
  the notes that you simply have to walk away from a project.  But those
  times are fewer than you might think.  Most notes donʼt have to be taken
  literally.  Theyʼre clues that convey dissatisfaction.
  There are a lot of ways to solve problems and my job is to find the one
  that works best for me even if it strays from the original notes.  If the
  revision works, everyoneʼs happy.  No one grades you on how well you
  followed the notes.
  So as I sat in Rickʼs office hearing these very substantial notes, I sure
  wasnʼt happy, but I was thinking ahead.  “What if Data was the guy Picard
  finds on the planet?” heʼd said.  And damn it, I had to admit it was a good
  idea.  A whole new story began to unfold in my mind.  Picard is sent by
  Starfleet to kill Data!  A battle between Picard and Data –- perhaps a fight
  to the death -- would be a major chapter in the history of Star Trek.
  Of course, I thought, if Picard kills Data, weʼd find some way to bring him
  back by the end of the movie.  You can do that with androids.
  “It keeps the drama in the family,” said Rick.  He was right.  That inner
  voice worried about Picardʼs old friend pulling the story away from the
  crew was silenced.  Once we put Data on the planet, he would become
  a wayward son.  It would become a story about the Enterprise crewʼs
  commitment to him, defining the crew as a family and emphasizing its
  importance to the franchise. 
  So the only problem was my attachment to the youth culture theme.  Rick
  assured me that there might be a way to keep the planet a fountain of
  youth.  “Maybe it just affects the aliens but not humans,” he said.  It didnʼt
  make much sense to me.  The fun of a fountain of youth story is seeing
  your heroes change.
  Several days later, we jettisoned the whole fountain of youth theme,
  including the peek at Picardʼs Academy days.  Ray Walston lost a job he
  never knew he had.
  OLD SOLDIERS
  24
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  25
  
  Our new story was much darker, closer to the intent of Conradʼs Heart
  of Darkness with Data filling the shoes of the mad Colonel Kurtz.
  In our story, Data would “go native,” protecting a small alien culture from
  a deadly conspiracy to steal some kind of valuable TECH from their
  world.
  Our attention kept turning to how the Federation was going to participate
  in this conspiracy.  It may seem remarkable that so much time was spent
  on trying to protect the image of a fictional entity, but we knew we were
  treading on sacred ground here.  Rick felt it was unacceptable for the
  Federation to be overtly involved in a plan to massacre a small group of
  people.
  We started talking about how governments throughout history have
  turned a blind eye to a distant, unseen people whose needs are not
  considered as important as those in power...  Native Americans, for
  example, whoʼd been moved off their ancient lands by the U.S.
  government to make way for western expansion.  Forced relocation
  became our conspiracyʼs goal.  The Federation conspirators could
  believe their plan for relocation would be saving lives, because the
  Romulans intended to kill the aliens.  Moving them would be the act of
  honorable men, an act that would “serve the greater good.”
  Picard would see that these leaders have chosen to do an end run
  around the “Prime Directive,” in essence, the Federationʼs Constitution.
  And he knows that this forced relocation will ultimately destroy the alien
  culture just as it has destroyed cultures throughout history.
  By allowing the Federation conspirators to think their motives are noble,
  we would be protecting Roddenberryʼs vision of 24th century mankind.
  And besides, Iʼve always found villains who thought they were heroes
  more interesting to write anyway.  We were excited about the social
  issues our film would now be able to explore.
  We had to answer the question why Data would take up arms against the
  conspirators instead of just calling Picard for help.  We finally concluded
  that heʼd have to have some kind of technological malfunction,
  something that would affect his memory.  Maybe there could be a kindly
  alien woman and her children who nurse him back to health.  Rick had
  a strong feeling that Data and an alien kid would be a fun relationship.
  We began to see a three act structure in which Picard goes up the river
  and finds Data in act one, kills Data at the end of act two and then in act
  three, discovers that heʼs killed a man he loves to help cover up a
  conspiracy.  Outraged, he resigns his commission and takes Dataʼs
  place on the planet.  His crew soon joins him.
  Picard and his six senior officers (the parallels to The Magnificent Seven
  were not lost on us) would finally be pitted against the forces of the
  Romulan Empire supported by the Federation.  How could they possibly
  prevail?  We came up with a unique way to victory -- the arrival of an
  unusual cavalry that Picard befriends earlier in the movie -- made up of
  all the little ships that populate this area of space, a rag-tag army of
  Federation mariners.  In a Capra-esque way, itʼs the people of the
  Federation who would save the day. 
  We still hadnʼt defined the aliens of this planet.  This was a crucial
  question.  The first words I ever heard Gene Roddenberry speak,
  actually it was a yell, were, “There aren’t enough aliens in this script!”  
  And the script he was yelling about was mine.  Aliens with weird makeup
  and intriguing powers are at the very heart of the Star Trek universe.
  And those powers always work best when they somehow serve to
  enlighten the human condition.  For example, Spockʼs struggle to put
  logic over emotion is something that everyone can identify with.
  We began to compile lists of all the aliens weʼd ever used on Star Trek
  to see if any of them might provide a clue to our aliensʼ identities.
  Rick: Maybe they could be chameleons who seem to blend into
  the environment...
  Mike: What if we give them wings?  They could fly on a feature
  budget, couldnʼt they?  
  Rick:
  You know, they could still be immortal if we wanted them to be.
  Mike: Their immortality could be tied to the TECH on this planet. 
  That would make it harder to move them off it. 
  What might immortality do to a culture?  Our first thoughts were the
  aliens would be more patient, more tolerant, not necessarily wiser in
  terms of intelligence, but more comfortable living in the present and
  exploring the present rather than hurrying to get things done because of
  limited time.  It may not have been a fountain of youth story, but the
  effects of time and how we treat it would certainly be an interesting
  science fiction concept.  All that was well and good, but what about really
  cool alien powers?
  Maybe they lived under water in an extraordinary underwater community.
  Maybe they could telepathically create illusions that would make it hard
  for a human to separate reality from fantasy.  Maybe they didnʼt have
  ears or mouths.  Telepathic mutes. 
  By the end of May, the Dodgers were still stuck in third place but I was
  ready to take another stab at a treatment.  Rick and I polished it together
  and on June 23rd, it was officially published and sent to the studio.
  DATA AS KURTZ
  26
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  27
  
  STAR TREK IX
  (Treatment dated 6/23/97)
  A small Romulan vessel moves slowly through a spooky,
  bizarre region of space.  Inside, in a setting as
  claustrophobic as a submarine, the tense crew makes
  pinpoint navigational adjustments avoiding danger at
  every turn.  The first officer wants to turn back.
  The Captain orders them ahead.  Suddenly, they’re
  shaken by an attack.  They can’t even see the ship
  firing at them.  Sensors are confused.  Another blast
  and another.  They hail their assailant, trying to
  surrender.  No response.  Shields collapse.  Cracks
  form in the hull.  They beg for mercy.  Another blast.  
  The ship breaks apart around us and the last sounds
  we hear from the Romulan crew are their screams.  And,
  like the dead men, we’re sucked into space and only
  now do we see the ship responsible for this horror -
  - a compact Federation vessel roaring out of the mist.
  As it passes remarkably close-by our view, we can see
  the pilot through the window... is Data.
  Picard is being briefed by two ranking members of the
  Executive Council and the Federation’s Romulan envoy
  (MATT DOUGHERTY, 38), good men that he knows and
  trusts.  Data, who was on a top secret mission, has
  been missing for six months.  Now, he has apparently
  gone berserk and is shooting down Romulan ships.
  Picard’s mission: find him and, if there is no other
  choice, terminate him.
  After a short, humorous beat during which we pick up
  Worf at Deep Space Nine, Picard fills in the
  Enterprise’s senior officers on the back story: Data
  had been recruited for a mission, co-sponsored by the
  Federation and the Romulans, to make first contact
  with a newly discovered race of aliens.  They had been
  found by Romulan probes deep inside an unexplored
  region of space known on Earth as The Briar Patch.  
  The Patch is a navigational nightmare and is
  unexplored because, frankly, no one ever wanted to go
  in there.  Located for centuries within the Neutral
  Zone that separates Romulan and Federation space, The
  Patch has recently been ceded to the Romulan Empire.
  The agreement ended a long territorial dispute and
  set the stage for a new era of cooperation.  Data was
  chosen for the mission because his quick android
  skills gave him a significant advantage piloting the
  scout ship.  Two Romulan crewmen accompanied him.
  They entered the dangerous region without incident
  but never returned and did not respond to hails.  The
  attacks began a month ago when the Romulans went into
  The 
  Patch 
  trying 
  to 
  find 
  them. 
   
  There 
  is
  incontrovertible evidence that Data and Data alone is
  responsible for the attacks.
  Worf, who has been assigned to the Enterprise because
  of his vast knowledge of the Romulan Empire, wonders
  aloud if the Romulans are telling the truth about the
  events.  When it comes to the Romulans, nothing is
  ever what it seems.  Picard says they’ll do everything
  in their power to get to the truth.  But he adds, for
  the first time in a century there is a genuine peace
  initiative between the Romulans and the Federation.
  Data’s attacks have already led to renewed tensions.
  We don’t want to make it any worse.  A Romulan admiral
  will be joining the mission when they reach the border
  and Ambassador Dougherty is coming along to assist
  with any sensitive negotiations.
  Geordi is the one who asks the question everyone wants
  to ask: we’re not seriously contemplating killing
  Data, are we?  Our orders are clear, says Picard.
  Anyone who feels they might be unable to carry out
  those orders should ask to be relieved of duty now.
  Faces are grim.  But no one chooses to remain behind.
  Picard may seem controlled, but later, alone as he
  goes over Data’s mission plan and studies the
  android’s last visual transmission, we see in his eyes
  the emotional connection he has to the android.
  Doctor Crusher interrupts him, updating him on a few
  sickbay matters relevant to the mission.  Among them, 
  word from Starfleet medical that there’s been a delay
  with the delivery of a new synthetic regenerative
  compound.  It means we’ll have to stock doses of
  sarium krellide, the regenerative ore we’ve always
  used to heal injuries, currently in short supply.  The
  Doctor and Picard share a personal moment in front of
  the frozen image of Data on the monitor.
  Picard: I’ve been his tutor in all things human, his
  drama coach, his art professor... now I’m asked to be
  his executioner... 
  At the border, a Romulan Admiral, SCHALK, 55, stiff
  and imperial, beams aboard with his personal
  adjutant, JOSS, 35.  From the moment we meet Joss, we
  realize he is not like any Romulan we’ve met before.
  Dashing and well-spoken, he has none of the pomp of
  his superior, doesn’t take any of this political stuff
  very seriously.  As Worf and Troi greet them in the
  Transporter Room, Joss gives her an admiring once-
  over, tosses his backpack to Worf to carry.  Worf
  clearly doesn’t like the fellow, tosses the backpack
  right back at him.  Joss grins at getting a rise out
  of the Klingon, flirts with Troi as they exit.
  The initial studies of the unexplored sector are not
  encouraging.  Although the Enterprise has been
  supplied 
  with 
  Starfleet’s 
  latest 
  scout 
  ship,
  identical to the one Data used, Geordi reports that
  in all the computer simulations, every standard
  navigational program proved inadequate to get the
  vessel through The Briar Patch.  That’s why Data was
  chosen to pilot the ship in the first place.  We just
  don’t know enough about the region to adequately
  prepare for it.
  As a long time sailor, Picard knows the best
  information about a particular area of space can often
  come from Federation mariners -- traders, ferry
  operators, and just plain adventurers -- who traverse
  the quadrant.  As a boy, he once even considered
  shipping out on the 24th century equivalent of a
  “tramp steamer.”  The Enterprise travels to an
  extraordinary location (TBD)
  22 where the mariners dock
  and refit.
  They’re quite a bunch –- spirited ex-patriots,
  colorful rovers and indomitable free-spirits --
  hearty, well fellows and lusty women who are not
  impressed by Picard’s uniform.  Imagine the captain of
  an aircraft carrier in the Caribbean arriving at
  Margaritaville to meet with an odd assortment of free
  souls who don’t care much for authority figures and
  you get the idea.  In an amusing sequence, Picard must
  earn their trust and cooperation.
  He eventually intrigues them with his plans to enter
  The Patch.  It’s not impossible, they tell him.  Our
  old tubs might not make it, but maybe the latest
  Starship could.  As Picard picks their brains, he
  begins to fashion a risky strategy (TBD) that might
  just work...   
  The night before the attempt, at a Captain’s dinner
  on the Enterprise, Joss continues his pursuit of Troi
  and at the same time amuses himself by getting under
  Worf’s skin.  It quickly gets out of hand and leads
  to a formal insult to Worf’s family that requires
  satisfaction.
  JUNE 1997
  28
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  22 To Be Determined
  
  Despite Schalk’s and Dougherty’s protests, Picard
  knows he must respect Worf’s beliefs.  He permits a
  duel to be fought on the holodeck, but refuses Worf’s
  request that it be a fight to the death.  The stakes
  are honor and the duel will end at first blood.  Joss
  chooses the weapons -- brutal but fascinating Romulan
  weapons unlike anything we’ve ever seen before.  The
  fight is breathtaking.  For the first time, Joss’ eyes
  really come alive and we can tell he’s in his element.
  We’ve never seen a duelist as stylish and confident
  as he is.  Worf is beaten badly and would have been
  killed but for Picard’s mandate.  To add insult to
  injury, Joss catches Troi off-guard when he helps
  himself to a surprise kiss as a reward for his
  victory.  
  Using the plan he hatched up with the mariners’ help,
  Picard pilots the impressive scout ship into the
  Patch, accompanied by Geordi, Worf, Troi and Joss.
  The Enterprise follows at a safe distance, using a
  steady flow of technical data from the scout ship to
  chart the course.   A tractor beam is ready in case
  Picard’s ship gets into trouble.  The Away Team is
  mesmerized by the beautiful but dangerous space
  phenomena they encounter.  A close call is narrowly
  averted as Picard brilliantly dodges the hazard.
  Then, suddenly, just like the Romulan ship, they’re
  attacked.  Sensors show it is Data’s scout ship and
  that Data is at the helm.  Joss wants to destroy the
  ship but in a quick confrontation, Picard puts him in
  his place.  They try to hail Data but he continues to
  attack.  Picard laces Data’s ship with phaser fire,
  trying to disable it... Data is forced to withdraw,
  but as he disappears, he fires photon torpedoes,
  seriously damaging Picard’s vessel.  Before the
  Enterprise can engage the tractor beam, the scout ship
  rolls out of control and they lose contact.
  Picard barely manages to stabilize the ship but they
  desperately need a place to put down.  Veering out of
  the murk, they see a planet directly ahead, its
  gaseous surface engulfed in flames.  Their sensor
  readings don’t seem possible: Geordi can’t find any
  indication of the fire they see through the windows.
  He’s reading M-Class terra firma below.  Not only
  that, he’s picking up a humanoid population of about
  four thousand on the smaller continent.  Do we believe
  our eyes or our sensors?
  Picard must make a quick decision: try to find another
  planet or trust his sensors and ignore the fiery
  gases.  Troi tells the Captain she’s feeling some
  telepathic activity coming from the surface.  Picard
  considers that... then takes the ship down, ignoring
  Joss’ protests, setting a course toward the alien life
  signs below.  If he’s wrong, the fire will surely
  destroy the ship.  As they enter the upper atmosphere,
  dipping into the fire, it disappears like a bad dream.
  In its place: a beautiful tropical locale.  The ship
  puts down roughly on a wide sandy beach.
  Tricorders reveal that Data’s ship is near-by and
  Picard and crew set off to find him.  As Data leads
  them on a surreal cat and mouse chase through the
  jungle, the Away Team is confronted by more terrifying
  delusions.  They are constantly forced to try to tell
  the difference between reality and delusion.  Just
  when they think they’ve got it figured out, they
  ignore a delusion only to literally fall into a very
  real hole by doing so.  They tumble down a long tunnel
  and are deposited into a containment field in the
  center of a small village, finding themselves beside
  the two Romulans who accompanied Data on the original
  mission.
  The Romulans tell Joss in front of the Starfleet
  officers that the android just went crazy and turned
  against them.  They think it had something to do with
  the unusual radiation in The Briar Patch.  Geordi
  doesn’t buy it; Data had surveyed The Patch before
  the mission; he would have been prepared for any
  radiation.  The Romulans angrily denounce androids as
  unreliable anyway.  They’re relieved to see Joss who
  in his typically unflappable manner pats them on the
  back and tells them to relax; the great Picard will
  find a way out of this.
  The Away Team takes in the setting.  The village is
  built into the side of a mountain.  It’s a marvel of
  futuristic architecture with technology our people
  cannot begin to fathom and yet it clearly displays an
  appreciation for the natural habitat.  The structures
  in the village are made of a colorful metal that has
  been crafted and fused into the mountainside.
  The aliens slowly emerge from hiding to examine the
  prisoners.  They’re stranger than any aliens we’ve
  ever encountered... small, with wide foreheads and
  piercing eyes... they’re mute, apparently using
  telepathy (which we do not hear) to communicate with
  one another.  There is no way for us to communicate
  directly with these people.  Our brains are simply
  not up to the task.  Picard’s efforts to make them
  understand us are extremely frustrating setting in
  motion a theme that will continue throughout the
  story.  In time, we will come to understand them as a
  gentle people with an extraordinary intellect who
  would harm no one.
  As the trapped Away Team waits to see what happens
  next, they observe the villagers as they go about
  their daily lives.  They’re clearly a technologically
  superior people... using extraordinary anti-grav
  platforms to move about their vertical layout.  Geordi
  studies them with astonishment as they operate an
  incredible weather shield that creates a shaft of
  sunlight over the village as the jungle around them
  is ripped by a heavy rainstorm.
  One of the children is an ALIEN BOY, 11 whose face is
  painted gold just like Data’s.  The prisoners watch
  as the boy and a friend play mental games... creating
  small delusions to scare one another... one turns
  himself into a snake, then the other turns himself
  into a dragon...  Troi surmises that it is a form of
  mass hypnosis and that these aliens have learned to
  use their mental abilities as a unique chameleon-like
  defense mechanism.  Rather than blending into the real
  world, they create a delusional reality to confuse
  and disorient a potential enemy.  That explains all
  the strange things they’ve seen.
  Picard is finally released and taken, hands bound,
  into a dark and mysterious dwelling.  He reacts as an
  alien woman with a face painted gold like Data’s meets
  them, sends his escorts away and leads him deeper into
  the shadows.  The boy with the gold face peeks around
  a corner at Picard and scampers away.  They finally
  reach a chamber where he can see the silhouetted
  figure of Data sitting on the floor, motionless, his
  head cocked at an android angle, almost as though he’s
  performing some kind of positronic meditation.  He is
  dressed as the aliens dress.  The woman leaves them
  alone.  The android’s head slowly moves to Picard.
  He opens his eyes, which show no recognition.
  Picard realizes quickly that the android has seriously
  malfunctioned.  His voice has trouble shaping words,
  sometimes he repeats them.  He has no memory of his
  former Captain, and is either unwilling or unable to
  process Picard’s attempts to explain who he is.  In
  vague and unconnected phrases, Data speaks only of the
  danger Picard and the others bring to his people.
  Picard presses Data: what kind of danger?  But Data in
  his confused mutterings cannot say.  The scene is
  interrupted by a crackling on Picard’s combadge.  Data
  reacts, strips away the combadge, moves to a complex
  scanning device built into the rock wall...
  Outside, the other members of the Away Team hear the
  transmission too... it’s Riker... the Enterprise has
  almost made it to the interior of The Briar Patch and
  is searching for the Away Team...
  Data studies his scanner and sees the Enterprise
  arriving... he stands and moves to exit, then pauses
  and decides to take Picard with him... 
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  29
  
  With the planet surface below providing a dramatic
  backdrop, Data attacks the Enterprise, keeping Picard
  in a containment field on his vessel’s small bridge.
  He opens a channel to allow Riker to see that he’s
  holding Picard prisoner.  In a fair fight, the smaller
  ship wouldn’t stand a chance against the Enterprise.
  But Riker can’t use full force without risking his
  Captain’s life.  He fires phasers, trying to disable
  Data’s shields so he can beam them out.
  Data engages an auto-tactical evasive program while
  he loads photon torpedoes.  Picard knows they will
  seriously damage the Enterprise.  Then, one of the
  Enterprise’s phasers connect and the blast frees
  Picard from the containment field.  He struggles with
  Data for control of the ship.  Even in his
  malfunctioning state, Data is ten times stronger.
  Getting his hands on a phaser rifle, Picard tries to
  stun Data but the android is unaffected.  Picard
  ratchets up the power setting several times without
  results until he is finally forced to do the
  unthinkable... on maximum power, he blasts Data whose
  torso breaks apart, fritzes and falls at Picard’s feet
  and then goes dead.
  Picard tells Riker to cease fire and tries to take the
  helm but the auto-pilot program now is taking the ship
  back to the surface.  He tells the Enterprise to
  follow until they can establish an orbit.
  On the surface, the aliens take Data out of the
  ship...
  stunned as they can see for the first time that he is
  a mechanical man.  They carry him to the center of the
  village, ignoring Picard.  He watches as the villagers
  make way for the boy as he moves to the broken body.
  There is no resistance as Picard frees the rest of the
  Away Team and the Romulans.  Geordi goes quickly to
  check on Data.  The Enterprise has established its
  orbit and Riker, Beverly and an armed Away Team beam
  down, react to the strange scene.  
  Picard again is frustrated in his attempts to
  communicate with the aliens.  He tries to explain that
  we are not their enemy.  But mostly he wants answers.
  What happened to Data?  What is the danger that Data
  spoke about?  The aliens look at him blankly, go about
  their business.  The only one who continues to study
  him with curious eyes is the boy. Geordi desperately
  seeks some signs of life in the android’s power cells.
  There are none.  He’s gone, Captain.
  Picard, tight, controlling the full emotional impact
  of the events, tells his crew he wants to know exactly
  why this happened.  Geordi and Beverly want to take
  Data back to the ship to do an autopsy.  But as Picard
  locks eyes again with the boy who remains beside Data,
  he tells his officers to leave Data here for now.  Do
  the best you can without moving him.  
  During a short second act, driven by Picard’s growing
  emotional turmoil and rage, Data’s malfunction is
  traced to a Romulan disruptor blast which damaged his
  memory engrams.  Schalk, speaking for the Romulan
  crewmen, steadfastly denies any wrongdoing.  And yet
  we see Joss and the two crewmen making mysterious
  plans that clearly indicate a threat to the aliens. 
  As the investigation continues, Picard realizes that
  the boy had a particularly close relationship with
  Data.  He forms a unique bond with the youngster,
  hoping to find a way to communicate with the boy and
  find out what happened.  Picard eventually gets an
  idea and takes him to the Enterprise’s holodeck.
  He shows him how we make our own illusions there...
  and they begin to make illusions for each other, some
  of which include Data.  In a sequence that may remind
  us of the classic breakthrough scene in “The Miracle
  Worker”, Picard and the boy, in a joyous moment
  together, are finally able to begin to understand one
  another.  This is the bridge in the communications
  gap that Picard has desperately needed since his
  arrival.
  The boy, now realizing that Picard is trying to learn
  about Data, takes him to clearing deep in the jungle
  where there is evidence of a drilling site.  There are
  also signs of disruptor burns in the grass.  Picard
  wonders aloud if this is where Data was hurt.  Through
  an elaborate and metaphorical delusion, the boy
  communicates that Data saved his life at this spot.
  Picard tells his crew that someone was taking deep
  core samples at the site using a familiar Romulan
  geologic tool.  This is extremely odd because there
  were no geologic surveys indicated in Data’s mission
  plan.  The flight manifest did not show that the
  Romulans were carrying geologic tools.  When Picard
  orders a special TECH scan of the planet, they
  discover the crust is practically made of sarium
  krellide, the same medical ore that is in such short
  supply throughout the quadrant.
  It is the first time that the ore has been discovered
  on a populated planet.  In all other instances it had
  been found on uninhabited moons and asteroids, which
  was fortunate, because the only way to effectively
  excavate 
  it 
  was 
  to 
  virtually 
  decimate 
  the
  environment.  Picard asks Geordi if there is any safer
  way to get to the ore.  Geordi has studied the
  Federation databanks and the answer is no.  They might
  be able to gain access to two percent of the available
  ore, but to process a meaningful amount, the surface
  would have to be stripped off.  The planet would be
  turned into molten rock.  No life would survive.  
  Picard begins to piece together a possible scenario.
  What if the Romulans had learned about the valuable
  ore from their probes before Data’s mission?  And
  tricked the Federation into allowing them to use Data
  to get through the Briar Patch?  I believe it’s
  possible, says Picard, that this alien boy and perhaps
  others discovered what they were up to and that Data
  was damaged when he saved the boy’s life.  
  Troi pays an unexpected visit to Joss in his quarters
  and using her empathic abilities as well as her most
  seductive manner, she cleverly gets Joss to admit that
  the Romulans are preparing to mine the planet.  And
  then Joss adds something that sends a chill down her
  spine: he assures her that the Romulans will keep
  their promise to the Federation and move the aliens
  safely to a new planet.
  Troi now realizes that the Federation is far more
  involved than Picard could ever have guessed.  When
  Joss realizes that she’s tricked him, he explodes with
  rage revealing his truly dark nature and for a moment,
  we’re afraid he might harm her.  But Worf prepared her
  for something like this -- she tries to use a Klingon
  marital arts foot maneuver but he’s so good, he
  counters it and seems to have the advantage...
  whereupon Troi brings her knee up and hard in a most
  vulnerable spot.  He sinks in pain.  She exits to the
  sound of his groans.
  Picard is angrier than we’ve ever seen him as he
  confronts Dougherty, a man in whom he’s had absolute
  faith.
  Picard: When the Council finds out what you’ve done...
  Dougherty: I’m acting on orders from the Council.
  He goes on to explain that Starfleet Medical’s efforts
  to make a synthetic regenerative compound to replace
  sarium krellide have failed completely.  It’s been
  kept quiet but we desperately need the ore.  Everyone
  in the quadrant needs the ore.  Romulan  probes had
  found significant deposits in The Patch.  But since
  this was disputed territory, a deal had to be made
  before anyone could get to it.  We gave the Romulans
  The Patch and they agreed to split the ore with us.
  Picard: Without any consideration for the inhabitants
  of this world...
  30
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  Dougherty: On the contrary, after realizing there was
  no alternative to stripping off the planet’s surface,
  I negotiated the agreement myself with the Romulans to
  move them safely.  Every effort was made to take care
  of them... including sending Data here to survey their
  living conditions to help prepare for the move.  
  Picard: But Data didn’t know that, did he...
  Dougherty admits that it was decided that Data didn’t
  need to know.
  Picard understands that Dougherty and the Council
  have decided to shave a thin layer off Federation
  principles in order to get the much-needed ore.  The
  Prime Directive says we won’t interfere with the
  natural development of other cultures, so we cede the
  planet to the Romulans and it’s out of our hands.  To
  ease our conscience, we make the Romulans guarantee
  that these people will be moved safely.
  What a perfect political solution; it’s barely a
  compromise of our principles at all this way.  Picard
  looks Dougherty in the eye and says, simply: horse
  shit.
  Dougherty argues that sometimes principles collide
  with hard reality.  Modern medicine evolved from the
  discovery of sarium krellide; virtually all hospital
  and medical equipment is designed to use it.  No one
  is going to sit still while we turn back the clock two
  hundred years and return to 21st century medicine.
  It would be barbaric.  Picard doesn’t deny that
  there’s a serious need for the ore but at what cost?
  It’s too easy to turn a blind eye to what’s happening
  to a small group of unfamiliar people in a land far
  away who are forced to suffer to satisfy our needs.
  Picard argues that the unique environment of this
  planet has had a profound impact on the aliens’
  physiology.  Our analysis  indicates their bodies have
  virtually no immune system.  The regenerative ore in
  the ground effectively protects them from most
  diseases and accelerates healing of serious injuries.
  Move them and their bodies will be vulnerable to every
  virus and bacteria in the universe. 
  Dougherty promises that we plan to do the best we can
  to see to all their medical needs.  Picard: Pump them
  full of medicines.  Put them on life support for our
  convenience...
  Dougherty:  For chrissakes, there are only four
  thousand of them and countless millions who will be
  helped by the ore.
  Picard wonders what the cut-off point would be:  Fifty
  thousand aliens?  A hundred thousand?  A million?  How
  big a population does it require to force open that
  blind eye?
  Dougherty maintains there’s nothing we can do now.
  The sector was legally ceded to the Romulans months
  ago. To interfere would be a violation of the Prime
  Directive.  He deeply regrets what happened to Data.  
  Admiral Schalk has privately assured me that both
  Romulan crewmen will be appropriately punished.  I
  understand how you feel, but our mission is complete.
  The Council expects you now to follow your orders and
  return to Federation space. 
  Picard sees that he, and Data, have both been pawns
  in a dark and terrible game.  A game in which he has
  been forced to kill a man he loved like a brother.
  And he also realizes, to his horror, that he has been
  used to chart the course into The Briar Patch for the
  mining ships to follow.  Jean-Luc Picard has charted
  the course for the destruction of an entire race.
  Picard’s quarters.  Four pips being laid on a counter
  top one at a time.  Picard studies himself in the
  mirror, begins to remove his Starfleet uniform.  It
  is the saddest moment of his life.
  On the surface, dressed in civilian clothes, Picard
  follows the sounds of strange percussion into a
  bizarre building, part cathedral, part machine shop.
  The ceremony he encounters inside  seems to be a death
  ritual for Data who lies at the center of a chamber
  bathed in a bright light from directly overhead.  The
  percussion 
  comes 
  from 
  the 
  movements 
  of 
  huge
  bewildering machines that tower over the people like
  the mammoth pipe organ in the Mormon Tabernacle.  The
  boy sees Picard, takes his hand and leads him to sit
  beside him by Data.  The aliens are painting their
  faces gold to honor the android.  Picard solemnly
  paints his face gold too.  Honoring the man he killed.
  Symbolically taking Data’s place as the defender of
  these people.
  The aliens seem to understand and accept him.
  Suddenly, Data’s broken body slowly rises on an anti-
  grav unit, moving toward the blinding light above.
  As it moves higher, the boy creates a strange delusion
  for Picard... a surreal moment as a tree grows from
  the ground where Data lay.  A branch of the tree grows
  out and touches Picard’s shoulder.  As Data and the
  anti-grav unit disappear into the light, like a casket
  taking a body into the fires of cremation, the image
  of the tree disappears too.  Picard looks at the boy
  curiously, unable to comprehend. The percussion from
  the machines continues.
  Above the planet, Romulan ships begin to arrive
  following the course that the Enterprise charted.
  Schalk and his men join their crews.  Dougherty
  promises him the Enterprise will be on its way
  shortly.  As soon as they’ve moved to the Romulan
  ships, Joss carries out the punishment against his
  dumbfounded 
  Romulan 
  colleagues, 
  fulfilling 
  the
  promise Schalk made to Dougherty.  He engages them
  both 
  in 
  an 
  impromptu 
  duel 
  (for 
  his 
  own
  entertainment)... and quickly kills them.
  Picard’s last communication from the planet tells his
  staff to leave as ordered.  He will not allow his
  officers to sacrifice their careers or their lives.
  This was Data’s fight.  Now, it’s his.  Picard signs
  off and destroys his combadge.
  As the action-filled third act begins, Picard, with
  the help of the boy, trains the aliens for a fight of
  resistance.  It’s an inspiring and humorous process as
  they often struggle to understand one another.
  Finally, 
  combining 
  their 
  talent 
  for 
  creating
  delusions with the power of real weapons he has
  brought with him from the Enterprise, he builds an
  effective, albeit tiny, fighting force.  He feints
  and punches the Romulans, disrupting Joss’ Nazi-like
  attempts to round-up the aliens and box them for
  transport, then sabotaging the Romulan’s first mining
  operations, always disappearing into the jungle like
  Robin Hood.  Schalk orders Joss to take a Romulan
  search party to the surface to capture Picard, alive.
  But Joss, who still feels the sting of being tricked
  by Troi, sees this as his opportunity for revenge.
  When he finds Picard he intends to kill him for sport.
  Dougherty demands that Riker arrest Picard and get
  him the hell out of there before the whole peace
  initiative collapses.  Riker couldn’t care less about
  the peace initiative at this point but his Captain’s
  life is in danger.  He takes the senior officers and
  an armed security team to find Picard before Joss and
  the Romulans do.  Picard plays the fox, outwitting
  both sides looking for him.
  One windy night, as he tries to catch a few minutes
  sleep, the percussion from the distant village
  suddenly stops for the first time.  The silence
  awakens him.  Curiously, he moves back toward the
  village to see what has happened.  The wind blows
  through the leaves of the trees and lightning flashes
  from an approaching storm... and as Picard rounds a
  bend, the ghost of Data appears in the lightning...
  he is naked.  Picard reacts with a short gasp and Data
  speaks to him rather incongruously with the words:
  “You are out of uniform, sir.”  Picard reaches out and
  touches the figure before him.
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  31
  
  It’s no delusion this time.  “So are you, Data”, says
  Picard.  And only then does Data realizes he is
  walking around without clothes on.  “So I am”, he
  says, still gathering his wits.
  Data has no idea how he was resuscitated but it is
  clear that the aliens were not performing a death
  ritual but one of techno-resurrection.  Picard thinks
  he understands the vision of the tree the aliens
  created for him.  It was their way of communicating
  new growth, rebirth.  They must have been trying to
  tell him that Data would return.  
  Data tells Picard that the Romulans killed the boy’s
  father when he accidentally discovered them taking
  the core sample.  They were about to kill the boy too
  when Data got there and saw what was going on.  They
  fired their disruptors but Data took the blast meant
  for the boy.  Even though Data was severely damaged,
  he was still able to capture the Romulans.  The woman
  and the boy became his “family,” taking care of him
  after he was injured.  Data has no intention of
  abandoning them to the Romulans.  He will stay and
  fight with Picard.  After he gets some clothes on,
  that is. 
  Their guerrilla warfare continues, Picard and Data
  fighting side by side now... Riker and the Away Team
  finally catch up to them, shocked but happy to see
  Data.
  Riker tries to convince Picard that the Federation
  Executive Council will listen if he goes back and
  tells them what’s happening here.  But Picard, for
  the first time in his life, has lost faith in the
  Federation.  He knows to go back is hopeless.  No one
  will listen and once he’s gone, these people will be
  moved, the planet destroyed.  He can’t leave.  And he
  won’t.  You’ll have to arrest me, he says.  If you do,
  all this will be lost.  Riker: This is suicide. A
  Romulan fleet is on the way with reinforcements.
  Picard: It doesn’t matter.  Data and I are going to
  stay and fight for these people.
  Riker sees he’s not getting anywhere with Picard.  All
  right then, he says, I’ll take the Enterprise and go
  for help.  Picard nods, but his eyes say he does not
  expect any help to arrive.
  Worf steps forward.  The odds against you would appear
  insurmountable, he tells Picard.  But I will fight at
  your side.  The rest of the officers join him.  Picard
  is unable to talk them out of it.  He tries to order
  them away, but Riker apologizes saying, sorry, Mr.
  Picard but once you took off the pips, you lost that
  privilege.  Riker promises to return, beams out.
  Picard looks around at his officers, his family,
  reluctantly grateful that they’re together again.
  Joss leads the Romulans in devastating attacks that
  destroy the village and defoliate the jungle with
  plasma charges... it is a huge battle, Romulan
  fighters coming in over the ocean, strafing the
  beach... 
  ultimately 
  forcing 
  Picard 
  and 
  his
  overmatched army into a defensive position.
  As the Romulans assault their position, it may remind
  us of the Alamo.  They come over the walls... the boy
  fights bravely by Data’s side, saves the android’s
  life with a delusion that confuses a Romulan long
  enough for Data to knock him out.  Picard finds
  himself in deadly hand to hand combat with Joss.  Just
  as Picard is about to be killed by the Romulan, Worf
  steps in and blocks Joss’ weapon and takes up the
  fight.  This time it will be to the death.
  At first, Joss seems to toy with him, wounds him once
  in the shoulder, then another in the leg... but then
  Worf calls for strength from the Klingon gods and he
  rises with renewed power and finally conquers Joss,
  running him through with his makeshift sword.  Joss
  looks up at him in the final shock of death.  Worf
  bellows a Klingon victory cry.
  The Romulans withdraw and prepare for one final deadly
  assault.  Picard and his officers know their time is
  almost up now... their defenses won’t withstand
  another assault... they share some personal memories
  that bring some smiles, even laughs... personal
  things are said you only say at the end... the distant
  sound of a low flying vessel approaching tells them
  their respite is over... they gird themselves for the
  final attack.
  It’s Geordi who hears it first -- that’s not a Romulan
  engine -- I’d know those thrusters anywhere -- I never
  did get around to realigning the magnetic peristaltic
  pumps -- That’s the Enterprise!  And now they see the
  magnificent ship as it makes a dramatic pass overhead,
  a deafening roar announcing its presence like a B-1
  bomber at an air show.  And it’s not alone.  Behind
  the Enterprise is a fleet of ships.
  Not from Starfleet.  But the wackiest navy ever seen
  by man... dozens and dozens of tiny ships, those tubs
  we saw back at Margaritaville... and now people are
  beaming down to the beach... not soldiers, but
  families, the mariners we met in act one and all their
  friends, hundreds of people of all shapes and sizes,
  children who scamper along the beach as though on
  holiday.  Riker caps the glorious moment as he
  appears.  Riker to Picard: And you thought the
  Federation wouldn’t listen?  Here’s the Federation,
  Captain.  They did listen.
  Dougherty and Schalk see this scene and know they’ve
  lost.  A few thousand faceless aliens is one thing.
  But no one is going to be able to turn a blind eye if
  the Romulans declare war on a few hundred Federation
  citizens.  The Romulans withdraw.   
  Later, as the Federation squatters enjoy the
  hospitality of their alien hosts, Data bids a touching
  farewell to the woman and the boy.  In his ready room,
  as Picard puts his pips back onto his uniform’s
  collar, Dougherty enters.  He informs Picard that the
  Romulans have agreed to a sixty day moratorium on
  mining and relocation operations while the matter is
  reviewed by the Federation and Romulan councils.
  Ever the diplomat, Dougherty tries to put a spin on
  the events that makes everything okay.  We all had the
  Federation’s best interests at heart, he says.
  The Executive Council has decided there will be no
  formal charges against you (he takes a little of the
  credit for that, having argued that it would not serve
  the public interest for the Council to take an
  adversarial position against the Captain of their
  flagship).  He respects Picard for the stand he took
  and hopes that everyone concerned can now join
  together to help avoid making the same kind of
  mistakes in the future.
  He’s sure Picard would agree that nothing would be
  gained by pursuing this any further back home.  Picard
  studies him for a beat with eyes that say: Don’t count
  on it... then simply exits to:
  The bridge.  Picard takes his seat and sets a course
  for Earth.  As he says engage...
  The Enterprise moves out of orbit and we...
  FADE OUT.
  THE END
  32
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  33
  
  Star Trek is the most profitable franchise in the history of Hollywood.  If
  someone wants to challenge me on that claim, go ahead.  I donʼt have
  access to the books and I canʼt prove it.  But anyone will be hard-pressed
  to find another franchise, including Bond and Star Wars, that has
  generated income across the board -- movies, television, computer
  games, toys, collectibles, you name it, for as long as this one has.
  (Okay, maybe that mouse over at Disney could mount a pretty good
  challenge.)
  Keeping the Star Trek franchise popular is crucial to the studioʼs
  economic health.  Releasing a quality motion picture every two or three
  years plays a key role in the master plan.  
  Up to now, the studio had left Rick and I pretty much alone, waiting to
  hear what we came up with.  Oh, there were a few wishes sent our way.
  For example, they asked us if we could fit in a cameo appearance by a
  popular Star Trek character from one of the TV series.  (The holographic
  doctor from Star Trek: Voyager had been a big hit in First Contact.)  Okay,
  we could do that.  Marketing hoped the new film would broaden
  international appeal by creating a part for a well-known star like Tom
  Hanks or Arnold Schwarzenegger in a guest role.
  Intuitively, I was afraid that would throw the film out of balance.  It had
  worked for the Batman franchise where the villains were larger than life.
  But Batman created a comic book world while Trek tries to sell a ʻrealisticʼ
  vision of the future.  Besides, if Tom Hanks played a guest Lieutenant,
  you know the film would be about him and not our regular crew.  I didnʼt
  worry about it too much.  It was one of those things that I figured would
  eventually go away and I was right.
  Messages like these would never come directly to me.  The studio
  executives would talk to Rick, as the producer, and then Rick would bring
  them up over cheap chicken and cottage cheese.  Afterwards Rick would
  communicate our joint thoughts back to the studio.  
  The man he spoke to most of the time was the Executive Vice President
  of Production, Don Granger.  Don is an easy man to like.  Heʼd gone out
  of his way to make me feel welcome, dropping by one day when he
  found out my mother was the songwriter who wrote “Meet the Mets,” the
  teamʼs theme song.  Heʼd spent many happy days at Shea Stadium
  singing the song with tens of thousands other Met fans.  Don was well-
  versed on the Star Trek television shows and knew what my contribution
  to them had been.  I could feel his confidence and I appreciated it.
  Don agreed with our goals for the new film.  A change of pace, he said,
  would keep the franchise vital.  He agreed this film should emphasize
  character more than the last one.  Heʼd even suggested looking for an
  interesting sci-fi twist on a courtroom drama, along the lines of the classic
  television episode, Measure of a Man
  23, in which Picard defends Dataʼs
  right to be treated as a lifeform instead of property.  
  Don would be the first one to read our story and then heʼd pass it on to
  John Goldwyn, President of Paramount Motion Pictures, Michelle
  Manning, President of Production, and Sherry Lansing, Chairman of the
  Paramount Motion Picture Group.  At this point in time, I didnʼt know any
  of these people.  But I did feel a certain connection to Lansing through
  my wife, Sandra, who had once taken acting classes with her.
  Hollywood is a small town.
  Waiting for the studioʼs reactions after youʼve published a story is like
  waiting for the returns on election night.  Polls are closed.  Tabulations
  are underway.  Weʼre waiting for the first numbers, ladies and gentlemen.
  The phone rings.  Eric, my assistant:  “Itʼs Rick.”  I pick up.  “Granger read
  it, he loves it,” he says.  I smile.  Yes!  “Heʼs a little concerned about the
  Federationʼs role in the conspiracy but he understands what weʼre going
  for.  He hasnʼt heard from Goldwyn yet... wait a minute, heʼs calling me
  back on the other line, Iʼll get back to you.”  The heart pounds.  Granger
  likes it.  As Maine goes, so goes the nation.  The intercom.  Eric:  “Rick
  again.”  I pick up.  Rick: “Goldwyn thinks itʼs terrific.  He has the same
  note about the Federation and heʼs not sure about Picard killing Data.”
  Itʼs the most dramatic scene in the picture!  “Donʼt worry about it.”  What
  about Sherry?  “Theyʼre sending it to her to read tonight.”  We wonʼt have
  the results from the outlying districts in Illinois until morning.  Rickʼs next
  call pulls me out of a deep sleep at home.  “Sherry just called me.  She
  loves it.  It reminds her of saving the rain forests.  Sheʼs worried about
  the Federation being the bad guys in the story.  I explained it to her.”  But
  she likes it?  “She loves it.  Congratulations.”  Man, three for three.  Weʼre
  on our way.
  But there was one more voice at the studio to be heard from and it
  belonged to Jonathan Dolgen, Chairman of Viacom Entertainment
  Group, the chief operating officer of the company.  As a rule, Dolgen
  doesnʼt involve himself in creative decisions.  But he breaks that rule for
  Star Trek.  And itʼs not (just) the money.  He happens to be a huge fan.
  Dare I say, a Trekker?
  Star Trek fans are a breed apart.  If we have a character say “Fire
  phasers!” and then show a shot of the Enterprise firing a photon torpedo
  by mistake, hundreds of fans, maybe thousands, will write and complain.
  Star Trek fans are passionate and eloquent and unrelenting and one of
  them is the boss of bosses on this lot.  Jonathan Dolgen is credited by
  Rick for the creation of the Borg Queen in the last movie because he felt
  the script lacked a strong villain.  Rick has to take Dolgenʼs suggestions
  seriously for obvious reasons.  But he also feels that Dolgen is incredibly
  smart about Star Trek as only a true fan can be.  And Dolgen had
  problems with our story.  Big problems.
  To start with, he didnʼt appreciate our Douglas Fairbanks Jr. approach to
  Joss and didnʼt feel he was a worthy adversary for Picard.  He hated the
  telepathic mutes and their delusional abilities.  He thought the idea of
  people being exploited for natural resources was old hat and that Picard
  needed a bigger challenge.  He didnʼt feel there was enough action for
  Picard in space.  He complained the story had too much internal Star
  Trek intellectualism and thought the countervailing argument by the
  Federation conspirators made a great deal of sense.  Picard might be
  perceived as being on the wrong side of the issue. 
  Rick and I were discussing how to respond to the Dolgen notes when we
  received a call from Australia.  Weʼd also sent a copy of the story to
  Patrick Stewart.  Patrick hated the story even more than Jonathan
  Dolgen.
  THE STUDIO
  34
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  23 Written by Melinda M. Snodgrass
  
  I wish I could have been there back in 1987 when Gene Roddenberry
  went to the studio and announced heʼd found the perfect actor to play the
  new Star Trek captain -- a middle-aged, bald Englishman.
  If the show had been scheduled on CBS, NBC or ABC,  Patrick Stewart
  would never have been Picard.  Give us another Shatner, they would
  have said.  Youthful, bold, swashbuckling.  Young demographics!  But
  Star Trek: The Next Generation was to be syndicated, that is, sold on a
  station by station basis.24 What that meant was that Paramount could
  mount the show any way they wanted to and if they wanted to cast a
  middle-aged, bald, Englishman, so be it.
  Patrick was guest performing for an extension class in humor at UCLA,
  giving cold readings from Noel Coward and Shakespeare comedies,
  when one of the students turned to his wife and said, “I think Iʼve found
  our new Captain!”  That student was Star Trek producer Bob Justman.
  Justman, Berman and Roddenberry had been auditioning every male
  leading man in Hollywood they could find... but no one had impressed
  them.  When Patrick read, they knew theyʼd found their Captain.  But
  there was still that bald head... Paramount had Patrickʼs toupee
  overnighted from England and he returned the next day, this time with
  hair.  Roddenberry took one look and said, “Take it off.”  Everyone in the
  room realized that Patrickʼs bald head carried a certain power.
  Iʼm told that the first reaction of John Pike, the President of Paramount
  Network Television at the time, was “Youʼve got to be kidding me.”  But
  after watching Patrick read a scene from the pilot, he too was sold.
  More than any other single factor, in my opinion, Patrick Stewart was
  responsible for the success of Star Trek: The Next Generation. I
  remember watching the premiere at home with my family never guessing
  that fate would shortly have us working together.  What a brilliant piece
  of casting, I told my wife.  His controlled performance brought an instant
  credibility to every outrageous space scenario.  There was never a
  dishonest moment on screen.  As a viewer, you simply believed
  everything he said and did.
  When I took over the writing staff two years later, Picard and Dataʼs
  characters had been well developed.  The rest of the crew seemed a
  little undefined so I started by concentrating on the characters of Worf,
  Troi, La Forge, Riker and the two Crushers, Beverly and Wesley.  My
  goal was to strengthen the ensemble, turn it into a family unit -- a key, I
  believe, to many successful television series.  (I think people tune in to
  television families to satisfy their desire for the kind of family relationships
  we donʼt always have in our real lives.)  As the Enterprise family unit
  grew stronger, so did Picardʼs role as leader and protector of the family.
  But after a few months, Patrick complained that, while he understood
  my goals, he was getting tired of just being the crewʼs authority figure.
  He wanted Picard to have some fun.  Fair enough.
  We adjusted our story development to come up with unique Picard
  stories in the second half of the season.  We gave the Captain his first
  real romance.  We let him play an alien doppleganger of himself.  And
  we started talking about Star Trek’s first cliff-hanger, a story in which
  Picard would be captured by the most feared alien race in the galaxy,
  The Borg.
  The idea of a cliff-hanger was actually a pure business decision.  In fact,
  you could even call it a negotiating ploy.  John Pike called Rick and said
  the studio was having a contract dispute with Patrick.  “Come up with a
  cliff-hanger,” he said.  “We may have to kill him.”  
  At the end of the last episode of the season, when Riker fires weapons
  apparently killing Picard aboard the Borg ship, I had no idea if Picard
  lived or died.
  Fortunately, the contract dispute was settled and I had to come up with
  a way to keep Picard alive.  Ironically, the final episode created
  enormous interest.  The ratings of re-runs that summer climbed and
  finally exploded to record heights with the fall premiere that resolved the
  cliff-hanger.  By the end of the fourth season, Patrick was on the cover
  of TV Guide.  Soon, the magazineʼs readers would vote him “the sexiest
  man on TV.”  No one would ever again talk of killing Picard.
  As a writer, it was a privilege and a treat to work with an actor as good
  at his craft as Patrick.  Every writer knows what itʼs like to see a
  disappointing performance by an actor that hurts one of our scenes (and
  to be fair, every actor knows what itʼs like to get a badly written scene).
  But every once in a while, youʼre lucky enough to work with someone like
  Patrick Stewart who makes mediocre material good, good material great,
  and great material brilliant.
  Thereʼs a transition that occurs when an actor becomes a star.  The
  balance of power naturally shifts.  Iʼve been in situations when the actor
  behaved quite badly as this transition occurred.  That was never the case
  with Patrick.  But make no mistake about it, whether it is a Patrick
  Stewart or a Tom Cruise or a Julia Roberts, one of the main jobs of the
  writer is to satisfy the star.
  Patrick was more than an actor on this film.  For the first time, he would
  also be Associate Producer which formalized his already significant
  creative influence.  This was a reward for his success in Star Trek: First
  Contact.  In Star Trek Generations, heʼd shared the screen with William
  Shatner.  But as the sole lead in First Contact, heʼd proven himself
  capable of carrying a feature film.  He was now an established movie
  star with production responsibilities.
  If he wasnʼt happy, this story wasnʼt going anywhere.  And he wasnʼt
  happy.
  JULY 1997
  PATRICK
  35
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  24 In fact, the show was originally intended to launch the
  new Fox network but Paramount pulled out of the deal.
  
  In a brief letter to Rick dated July 1, he spelled out his concerns.
  Dear Rick,
  In Generations, Picard and the Enterprise crew fought to defeat
  a madman who was prepared to sacrifice planets, cultures,
  civilizations, millions of lives to achieve a personal nirvana.  In
  First Contact our heroes fought to prevent the assimilation of the
  people of Earth, the solar system, our galaxy and beyond.
  In the story I have been reading this weekend we are enmeshed
  in a context of Federation politics, fine interpretations of The
  Prime Directive and ancient history - as ancient as Star Trek - of
  conflict between two members of The Federation.  In the middle
  of all this there is a vaguely defined, characterless, uninteresting
  civilization who seem to have attended too many performances
  of Siegfried and Roy.
  I like the scene with Picard and the mariners and Picard
  functioning as a guerrilla but other than that what I have read
  would have hardly composed a moderately interesting episode
  somewhere in the middle of season five of TNG.
  Other than this - what do I not like about it?
  It has no sweep.  (We must stop Soran25; we must annihilate the
  Borg.) It is enmeshed in detail.  The back story itself would put
  even ardent fans to sleep.
  It deprives us of Data - the Data everybody wants to see - for
  most of the story and once again appears to make him the
  enemy of Picard.
  It has Picard for the third time in emotional agony; “I must destroy
  my comrade.”
  It uses the Enterprise crew in cliched and all too familiar ways;
  Worf defending his honor; Troi seducing a man for information.  It
  again and again covers territory well explored - better explored
  during the series.  
  So many of the issues and encounters have been dealt with -
  better dealt with - already.  I can list the episodes.
  It is so on the nose with the Heart of Darkness theme - and then
  drops it.
  It has no surprises.  It has no scale.
  It has little humor.  And what it has is cliched and tired.
  It has no romance.  It is not sexy.
  It breaks no new ground.  It under-uses our cast.
  It has little fun.  It is dull.
  I think what dismays me most about the story is the dredging up
  of the Romulans - a race already unexciting in TNG - as the bad
  guys.  It is revisionist and backward looking in a most
  disappointing way.  After the Borg - the Romulans?  Oh, my.
  I have taken detailed notes on the story but really I feel that there
  is so little for us here to even start work on.
  I am very sorry my reactions are so negative but they are so
  because my hopes to make this a superb film are so high.
  Let’s talk.
  Patrick
  Rick and I met again for lunch that day, but neither of us had much of an
  appetite.  We argued with the invisible Patrick making a passionate case
  for our story, convincing each other that what we had was good and that
  Patrick had simply missed the point.  He might have read the document
  when he was tired, at the end of a long day of being tied to a whale.  We
  talked about the possibility of flying to Australia to meet with him.  I asked
  Rick if I could draft a letter to Patrick that addressed his concerns.  Later
  that day we faxed my letter to him:
  June 30, 199726
  Dear Patrick;
  Obviously, we’re disappointed with your response.  I’d like to take
  a few pages here to discuss what some of our goals have been
  in the development of this story.  I’m hoping it might generate
  some ideas for changes that will please you and perhaps
  convince you to look at the document from a new perspective. 
  Let me start by saying, yes, the document is heavy in back story;
  a 25 story outline for a 120 page script usually will be.  It’s there
  to show the logic to the story, nothing more.  The back story
  would be easily interlaced into the script without being noticeable.
  But let me address your more important concerns.  One of my
  personal goals was to define Picard as a hero to the motion
  picture audience.  I don’t believe the other films fully achieved
  that.  Don’t misunderstand - he performed heroic acts - but a
  true hero’s journey is one in which a man must be willing to
  sacrifice everything he holds dear to stand alone and fight for
  his principles.  To television audiences, Picard became an icon
  as a man of principles.  This will be the first time, I believe, that
  filmgoers will get to see what kind of man he really is.  In this
  story Picard shows more courage than he did against the Borg
  or Soran because this time his heroism could cost him his
  country, his ship and his family.  This is “High Noon” for Picard.
  It will have a powerful emotional impact.
  Family.  That’s the second theme that’s important to me.  When
  I went back to watch the best work we did on the series, I was
  reminded how remarkable a presence Picard was as the leader
  of his family.  Again, I don’t think film audiences have seen how
  important Picard’s family is to him.  Or how important he is to his
  family.  With Picard at the head of the family, we feel safe.  Once
  we made Data the man Picard is sent to retrieve, it became clear
  that this was a story about a threat to our family.  A story in which
  Picard must confront and ultimately is forced to destroy a man
  he loves, again, will have a powerful emotional impact.
  Yes, Picard will be in emotional turmoil; I strongly believe a hero’s
  journey should create emotional turmoil that must be overcome
  on the way to victory.  But he is not “haunted” which has been
  your prime concern from the last movies -- an extremely
  important note to us throughout the development of this story.
  What drives Picard in this story is the most noble of motivations.
  There is no vengeance haunting him, or a family member’s
  death to create self-doubt.  No identity crisis here.  He is rock
  solid in what he believes in.  He cannot allow innocent victims to
  be exploited or destroyed.  But it must not be an easy decision
  or the victory will not matter much.  His emotional turmoil, I
  believe, provides the core of the audience’s rooting interest for
  him to win the day.
  I’ve always believed that Star Trek has been a successful
  franchise because it tells personal stories on a very large
  canvass (much like Shakespeare).  I would ask you to look at
  this story with memories of your very best episodes.  For me,
  they include “Inner Light”, “Chain of Command”, “Darmok”,
  “Family”, “Tapestry”, just to name a few.  All of them take Picard
  on a personal journey, a hero’s journey.  My inspiration comes
  from the epic David Lean movies.  In every one, there’s political
  maneuvering and an historical backdrop but at the core are great
  characters, great heroes risking everything.  This story offers the
  same sort of thematic sweep as, say “Lawrence of Arabia”.  
  Rick and I would like to discuss the other notes with you in more
  detail at a future time but allow me to touch briefly here on each
  of them:
  Another one of my goals was to do a story in which we’re
  explorers again.  I wanted to create strange new aliens.  If you
  find them too vague in the story document, I promise you they
  won’t be in the script.  As for their metaphorical telepathy, we
  have plans to make these visual effects unlike anything ever
  seen before on screen.  
  Data will be on screen more than it seems in this document.  I
  believe in some ways the berserk Data will be closer to the
  original child-like Data we used to know before he got his
  emotion chip (which we plan to stay away from entirely).  Data
  will be dead for, I’d guess, twenty pages in act two during which
  he will appear in alien illusions.
  I believe there are certain things that our audiences come to
  36
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  23 Dr. Soran, played by Malcolm McDowell, is the villainous madman in Star Trek Generations.
  23 Although Patrick had sent his fax at 6:20 AM on July 1st (Australia time), it was still June 30th
  in Los Angeles when we faxed our reply.
  
  expect and I think Worf defending his honor is one of them.  As
  for Troi using Joss’ attraction to her to gain information, it works
  for this story.  And their relationship is the only sexual tension in
  the movie.  
  We set out from the beginning to adapt a famous story to Star
  Trek and we chose “Heart of Darkness” but I think, for the
  reasons stated at the beginning of this letter, that we’ve made it
  our own.  As for abandoning it in act two, well, “Heart of
  Darkness” doesn’t have an act three; Coppolla found that out
  when he couldn’t find a way to end “Apocalypse Now”.  We’ve
  simply provided a third act.
  Surprises.  I think the audience will be surprised when Picard
  kills Data.  I think they’ll be surprised, as Picard is, to find out in
  act two that nothing up to then has been what it seemed to be.
  I think they’ll be surprised when he takes off the uniform.
  Humor.  You’re right, there isn’t much in the document and
  frankly in a story in which a man is sent to possibly kill a man
  who’s as close as a ‘brother’, it won’t be easy.  But there will be
  humor at Deep Space Nine when we get Worf, there will be dry
  humor from Joss the villain, there will be humor at the mariners’
  sequence and I see a great deal of lightness and joy coming out
  of the relationship between Picard and the alien boy.  Plus there
  will be humor with Data after he’s resurrected and more as
  Picard tries to whip these strange aliens into a rag-tag little army.
  Again, your comment about under-using our cast is, I believe, a
  product of the length of the story document.  I intend to use “the
  family” more in this picture than any of the others.
  Dull.  Not when you see all the action that we’ve planned that is
  barely mentioned in the story document.  Trust me on this one.
  The Romulans.  We have, from the start, intended to re-invent
  the Romulans because we agree with you.  We’ve been talking
  about a complete overhaul of their look as well as their character.
  If it means a great deal to you, I’d personally be willing to change
  it to another race.  Do you have any suggestions?
  In closing, I hope you know how much I respect your instincts
  and  will never proceed with a story that doesn’t satisfy you.  To
  be entirely honest, I was shocked at your response.  I was so
  sure you’d appreciate this story.  Rick and I both felt the story
  we were sending you would give you your first chance in the big
  screen franchise to really show the full range of your talents.  We
  thought you’d see this as not just a great Star Trek movie but a
  great movie.  Obviously, you don’t see it that way yet.  But know
  we are all after the same thing and will work together for as long
  as it takes.  I would only ask that you re-read the story one more
  time with my comments in mind.
  Cordially,
  Michael
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  37
  
  On July 7th, Patrick responded.
  Dear Rick and Michael,
  As Jackie reported my schedule changed on Friday and I was
  not able to respond to your letter.  However, having available a
  whole weekend has given me more time to think over all your
  points and reflect on exactly what my problems with the story
  really are.
  In my first response I started out by referring to the first two TNG
  movies.  I think it is worth repeating that a large measure of the
  satisfaction Rick and I got out of First Contact was that we had
  pragmatically assessed the weaknesses of Generations and
  strived to address them.  With Brannon and Ron27 I think we did
  pretty well.  One aspect we sought to improve was a feeling we
  had that Generations in tone and style reflected the series rather
  than a movie.  Issues, relationships, emphases that were
  appropriate in a weekly series just could not take up screen time
  in a movie.  Often during the seven years I remarked that we
  were telling a story that would only be concluded when the last
  episode aired.  In Generations we carried over too much of our
  series style and the film suffered for it.
  One deliberate change we made was to Picard.  We toughened
  him up, chipped away at his smooth surface, roughened and
  intensified 
  his 
  feelings. 
  Shifted 
  him 
  from 
  Captain/
  Diplomat/Philosopher to Captain/Rebel/Activist.  He could still
  be thoughtful but now it came out of the action.  He became
  more unpredictable and I felt filled the big screen in a more
  dynamic and interesting way.  These changes were reflected in
  other areas of the movie.  The gritty reality and humor of Lily and
  Dr. Cochrane28, the steely, ambitious, ruthless and sexiness of
  the Queen.  We saw a new kind of Troi and - refreshingly - Riker.
  Worf seemed changed by his time at DS9.
  The movie raced forward, tumbling event on event.  It seemed to
  me to take half the time to watch than Generations.  I feel that,
  in a sense, we had reinvented ourselves - or had begun to.  The
  ‘story’ of the series was over and we were now telling a different
  story with our movies.  That is what I want to see continue.
  That is the background to the unease that I feel with this new
  story.  It seems to reflect the series much more than where we
  were at the end of First Contact.  This compounded by Michael
  referring back several times to aspects of the series you want to
  see in this film.  That is what I see as retrograde and dangerous
  and, ultimately, dull.
  I think it is retrograde to emphases ‘family’ so strongly.  I think
  that is sentimental and uninteresting and eventually leads to
  space heroes sitting round a camp fire singing “Row, row, row
  your boat...”  The family building aspect of TNG is passed.  Not
  dead, but the work is done.  Most of our audience know who
  these people are and how they feel about each other and our
  new audience - the audience the studio are so eager for us to
  win and hold - don’t need to be told that.  They will pick it up.
  What our new movie family need to be is individual, charismatic,
  intense, opinionated, brave, funny, intolerant, sexy.  Larger than
  life.
  I agree that we must tell personal stories on a very large canvas
  but they must be huge personal stories.  I don’t agree that
  Generations and First Contact failed to fully define Picard as a
  hero.  Michael’s definition of a hero as a man willing to sacrifice
  everything, stand alone and fight for his principles characterizes
  Picard’s behavior in facing Saran alone and most particularly in
  staying on the doomed Enterprise to try and save Data.  There
  Picard offered himself in the supreme sacrifice.
  I don’t agree about our being explorers again.  I think that is
  series material but not movie material.  Heresy though this may
  be, I do not think our movie duty is “to seek out new life and new
  civilizations...” though it still is “to boldly go...”
  I think there is real danger in the mindset that “there are certain
  things that our audience come to expect...”  We have seen Worf
  defend his honor so many times and exactly in the way your
  story plays out.  Worf’s ‘honor’ is in his every thought and gesture.
  He is anyway by now too big a man to rise to a jerk like Joss.  But
  to see Worf telling his Captain he is wrong and threatening to
  tear him apart, there is his honor.
  I have reread the story several times since your last
  communication and - with some exceptions - my feelings remain
  unchanged.  The story seems bogged down in details, dialogue
  and back story.  For me it plods along until Act 3 (on page 20 of
  your 25 page story) when the Guerilla training begins.  Before,
  the ‘events’ have been a hand to hand fight, two ship conflicts
  and the delusions sequence.  The first three are very familiar
  territory but the latter I have come to like more and more.  
  It is dangerous, I believe, these days to rely on tech stuff for
  excitement but I can see how there could be a lot of fun and
  danger in this sequence but it all goes very flat again after that.
  I just cannot get excited about the sarium krellide story line.  It
  is, again, a series-style concept that is too technical and remote
  to be the basis of our story.  Isn’t is going to be hard for our
  audience to get involved with or care about some medically
  significant rock.  It’s not exciting.  Nor, I am sorry to say, (though
  this is a science fiction adventure movie) is the moral/political
  story line of uprooting a people and transplanting them.  It’s not
  exciting.  Yes, all that worked in the series but not, I think, here.
  My concerns about Data remain.  Am I mistaken to believe that
  we do not see Data as fully himself until the middle of Act 3?
  Given that he is our most ‘popular’ character can we afford to
  lose his Data-ness for so long?  I am also uneasy about another
  ‘Data malfunctioning’ story.
  By surprises I meant the truly unexpected and unpredictable.  It
  would seem that Picard has no choice but to kill Data and Picard
  taking off his uniforms seems, at the moment, to be
  inappropriate rather than surprising.
  Yes, the Romulan question does mean a lot to me.  I think it is a
  deadly idea to have even an ‘overhauled’ Romulan villain.  After
  the Borg Queen it will look as if we just couldn’t come up with
  any new bad guys.  But we must.  Could they be the Federation
  Executive Council?  (Gene, stop spinning.)  Or a cadre inside
  the Council?  The bad guys are right there in the heart of the
  Federation.  That is certainly contemporary and, God knows,
  depressingly relevant.
  A few story details.
  Isn’t it improbable that the Council would choose Picard as the
  man to terminate Data?  Not smart, surely.
  Data’s mission was ‘to make first contact with a newly
  discovered race of aliens.’  Just like that!  Isn’t this a bit
  premature given the [Prime Directive], etc.
  Data plus two Romulans undertake the mission.  Surely not
  adding at least one non-android Federation person is suspicious
  and improbable.
  I didn’t know Worf has a ‘vast knowledge of the Romulan Empire.’
  Picard/Schalk/Worf would never allow this Joss provocation to
  get so out of control.
  Picard maneuvering through the Patch we have done before.
  Telepathy using aliens is a much trodden ground.  Ditto the
  communication problems, i.e. Darmok.  Ditto, i.e. the woman who
  kept changing into devils, etc, and others.  Data malfunctioning
  - and he seems to be malfunctioning very selectively.  Ditto,
  Picard forming a bond with the child, Hero Worship29 and
  another episode the title of which I can’t remember where I
  played a sort of racquet ball with a troubled youth.
  Joss is a fool - improbably - or Troi has talents we haven’t yet
  seen to get Joss to spill his guts like this.  Then, the brilliant
  fighter, Joss falls for the knew in the groin trick!
  Picard has argued the value of one life against millions of lives
  at least twice before, I believe.
  I have real difficulty, in this present story, believing that Picard
  would step out of his uniform without attempting more.
  I don’t believe Data’s ‘techno-restoration.’  You ask the audience
  to buy an awful lot here.
  I like the ‘Alamo’ idea.  Interesting to reproduce at 24th century
  parallel of 19th century Texas.  Also the moments before the final
  battle and annihilation - Zulu, Agincourt, The Longest Day.  The
  38
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  27 Brannon Braga and Ronald D. Moore, screenwriters
  for Star Trek Generations and Star Trek: First Contact.
  28 Lily Sloane, a 21st century aerospace engineer played by Alfre Woodard, and Zefram
  Cochrane, the inventor of ʻwarp driveʼ played by James Cromwell, in Star Trek: First Contact.
  29 “Darmok” and “Hero Worship,” episodes from Star Trek: The Next Generation.
  
  Enterprise should arrive while the last attack is underway, not
  before.  We are down to our last phaser burst, etc.
  I love the arrival of the ‘wacky navy’ - echoes of Dunkirk - and the
  families on the beach.  Great scene.
  The last scene with Dougherty should happen amongst the
  dead and smoldering ruin of our heroes defense, rather than in
  the sterility of the ready room.  A visual, potent reminder of what
  dishonest politics has brought about.
  A fundamental feeling I have about the story is that it lacks peril.
  Oh, yes, from time to time there is danger but the sense of a
  constant or growing awful threat does not exist.  Isn’t it true that
  the Enterprise and its crew could just fly away from this situation
  if they chose to?  At almost any time?  There is moral peril
  eventually and, of course, it is proper that a Star Trek movie
  should involve that.  I sense that you both feel that this is the
  centre of the film’s drama.  I just don’t think it is enough.
  And lastly - though far from leastly - sex and comedy.  Two
  elements of life that I have come to think as critical in the TNG
  movies.  I tell you I think our stories have got to be sexy.  I don’t
  mean ‘sex scenes,’ God forbid, but a certain eroticism, a certain
  sexiness about our characters and situations is really helpful
  and fun.  Let’s be honest, there is an inclination to stuffiness
  about our crew.  For the same reason humor is vital and again I
  don’t mean set-piece scenes - though as I have said, Picard with
  the mariners could be a great sequence.  I think our crew are
  adorable when they are witty, ironic, self deprecating, teasing,
  cheeky.
  One of the great strengths of First Contact was the creation of
  three marvelous guest roles - and three terrific performances.
  James Cromwell was perfect but what really appealed to
  audiences and critics were the Borg Queen and Lily.  Both of
  them sexy, provocative, dangerous, funny.  There is no female
  role like that, or really of any significance in this story.  I think
  that is a mistake.  Lily and the Queen - yes, and even Cochran
  - challenged our people, challenged their actions, their beliefs -
  their virtue.  Isn’t that good?
  There does not seem to be a place yet for a role that would
  attract a fine actor.  I do think Joss is a stereotype and shallow.
  By the way, didn’t Sherry say that we’re supposed to be creating
  a role to offer to Tom Hanks?
  I wish it were not so but I cannot agree that this story gives me
  the chance to show the full range of my talents.  On the contrary
  it mostly consists of scenes and situations I have played before
  - and not the best of them.  So far that would also seem to apply
  to the rest of the cast.
  All the best,
  Patrick
  After reading and re-reading and re-re-reading Patrickʼs letter, I was
  angry and depressed.  It seemed that Patrick had a problem with every
  one of my goals for this movie.  I called my agents and said there was a
  chance I might not be able to continue on the project.
  I finally said to Rick, “Look, heʼs never going to approve this story.  I know
  you donʼt like it, but the only way weʼre going to save any of the work
  weʼve done is to go back to the fountain of youth story.  That will give
  Patrick the fun, the humor, the sex, and the scope that heʼs looking for.”
  Rick sighed, feeling as defeated as I did.  “Okay, let me call Patrick and
  see what he says.”
  Later Rick called to tell me how the conversation had gone:  “...So I said
  to him, ʻYou know, Patrick, we were once talking about this planet being
  some kind of fountain of youth.  Weʼd even worked out a story in which
  everyone on the ship gets younger...ʼ I barely got it out,” Rick continued,
  “...when Patrick jumped in with ʻYes, the fountain of youth -- everyone is
  fascinated by the youth culture.  What a splendid idea.ʼ  And then I said
  to him, ʻTo be honest, Patrick, we put that story aside because I was
  worried about you.  I thought youʼd have a problem getting younger
  during the movie because it might make Picard seem old.ʼ  And then he
  says (Rick imitating Patrick Stewartʼs accent), ʻThatʼs very kind of you to
  consider my feelings, darling, but I really have no problem with that at all.
  Sounds like great fun.ʼ”
  Patrick sent a brief note reaffirming his enthusiasm.  “I think it has
  potential,” it read. “Contemporary resonance includes: obsession with
  youth; respect/ disrespect of age; Mao, Breshnev, Ziou thing;
  communion between young and old; fear of death; fear of change; old
  betraying young and vice versa; our heroʼs place in all this; fun with the
  crew; conflict on the Enterprise.  And outside it all - Data.
  “Grand and heroic days down here.  A week - almost over - in the whale
  boats.  I saw the white whale - actually saw him - yesterday.  Today I
  harpooned him and, later, was lashed to his body but the failure of a
  diverʼs equipment meant we aborted the shot.  We will pick it up when I
  return to Melbourne.
  “The Enterprise is warmer, safer, dryer.
  “Patrick.”
  In all my anger, I had to acknowledge to myself that Patrick had moved
  us back to the story I wanted to tell in the first place.
  39
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  
  Okay, youʼre back in the writerʼs chair.  Youʼve just been given permission
  to do that story you wanted to do all along.  But in the meantime, youʼve
  become passionate about several of the elements of the new story.
  What do you keep and what do you let go of?
  Despite the notes, Rick and I still had confidence in the basic premise of
  Picard resigning his commission to defend a small group of helpless
  aliens.  What appeared as “internal Federation intellectualism” in the
  story document would, we believed, be a powerful morality play on
  screen.  We decided to hold on to that. 
  We also knew in our hearts that Data versus Picard was gold and we
  didnʼt want to lose that either.  Patrick had complained about the “agony”
  that would require him to play and the one thing that worried me the most
  was that he wouldnʼt want to play any emotional conflict at all.  That
  would make my job almost impossible, I thought.  I needed to create a
  “heroʼs journey” for Picard... one in which his deepest emotions would be
  tested.  A hero without emotional conflicts isnʼt much of a hero.
  “It wonʼt be a problem,” said Rick with cool diplomacy.  “You and Patrick
  are really saying the same thing but in different ways.”
  Yeah, sure right.  Didnʼt he read the letters?
  “Youʼll see. I can sell Data versus Picard to Patrick,” he said.
  So the renegade android stayed in.  But we would send someone from
  Picardʼs cadet days on Dataʼs mission, someone who would be young
  again by the time Picard reached the planet.  With Data already
  providing the male bonding factor, it made more sense in this structure
  that Picardʼs old friend be a woman.
  Ray Walston and the Academy prologue was back in.  The trip up the
  river looking for Data would stay.  Patrick liked the rag-tag army of space
  mariners so they made the cut.  Sarium krellide would stay but turn into
  a mysterious natural resource that causes the de-aging process.
  As for losses, the Romulans would have to go.  Nobody liked them.  We
  decided weʼd create a new race of extraordinarily old aliens seeking the
  fountain of youth.  Douglas Fairbanks Jr. was out.  The aliens would be
  led by a strong, charismatic leader.  The telepathic mutes were gone.   
  To replace them, we decided that it would be a lot of fun to make the
  entire alien population look like twelve-year-olds who were actually
  centuries old with all the knowledge and wisdom that comes with
  longevity.  One of our female officers might even have an odd romance
  with one of these 300-year-old urchins.  In a final irony, Picard would
  discover the ancient aliens are in fact the children of the “children” on this
  planet.
  Data would still be hurt and lose his memory in the opening as before,
  but would be repaired quickly and would be with Picard for the rest of the
  picture as the Data we know and love.
  Data would discover the evil plot, we decided, when he realizes the
  mission heʼs been sent on is actually a “Sorvino Switch”.  Thatʼs what
  Rick and I liked to call a deception that had been used in an episode of
  The Next Generation that had starred Paul Sorvino as Worfʼs human
  brother.  Sorvino rescues a primitive alien race from a dying world by re-
  creating their environment on a holodeck and then transporting them to
  the holodeck in their sleep.  Without ever realizing whatʼs happening,
  the aliens are taken by spaceships to a new planet which looks very
  much like their old planet.
  In our film, however, there would be no way to replicate the fountain of
  youth.  And so our alien “children” would begin to age and eventually
  die.
  Rickʼs office was like a vegomatic machine the next several days as we
  sliced and diced and finally pureed the two stories together.  One day, as
  I arrived for lunch, Rick announced that Patrick was coming back from
  Australia for a public appearance in Washington, D.C. and would stop in
  L.A. to meet with us for a few hours on July 23rd.
  CUT AND PASTE
  40
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  41
  
  Patrick arrived looking ruggedly healthy.  Obviously the sea air agreed
  with him.  He was also brimming with enthusiasm with the new direction
  -- or the old direction -- the story had taken.
  Rick and I briefly laid out all the changes weʼd discussed and he liked
  every one of them including, in this new context, Data versus Picard and
  Picard resigning his commission to confront the Federation conspiracy.
  That took about thirty minutes.  Then we listened as Patrick articulated
  some of his hopes for his role in the fountain of youth story.
  “I want to be sure we donʼt settle just for the sexual implication of growing
  younger,” he said, “But that we explore the emotional, intellectual
  benefits of being young.  I think the story should celebrate the differences
  between people, as Star Trek always does so well.  And in this case, the
  difference between ages.”
  Patrick felt that Picard would have a negative attitude about the fountain
  of youth because he really didnʼt have a great childhood himself and
  does not look fondly back on those days.  I improvised a quick
  conversation between Data and Picard:
  Data:
  Did you enjoy your childhood, sir?
  Picard: No, I hated my childhood.  A lot of people have miserable
  childhoods.
  Data:
  If childhood was so bad, why do people want to be young
  again?
  Patrick said that Picardʼs decision to resign should be motivated in part
  by the changes in his personality that the fountain of youth has created.
  “Adults are more complacent than youth.  Young people are more
  impatient, more impulsive.  Young people leap before they look.  Picard
  should be far more impulsive than normal when he resigns.  Data might
  even say, ʻArenʼt you being impulsive, sir?ʼ and Picard would respond,
  ʻNo, letʼs go.ʼ”
  He wondered if Picard might be concerned at the darkest moment of the
  third act that he had perhaps been too impulsive and is about to lead his
  people to their imminent deaths.  And then the rag-tag army of mariners
  arrive in the nick of time to help him turn the tables on the conspirators.
  Patrick felt uncomfortable about the part of the story where he trains the
  alien “children” to defend themselves.  He didnʼt like the idea of giving
  guns to children actors even if the “children” were centuries old.  He
  thought Picard would say, “Iʼm not going to be the man who introduces
  violent weapons into this peaceful lifestyle.  This is our job.  This is what
  we do.”  And that the aliens could be valuable as resourceful, fast and
  agile compatriots.
  The meeting ended in great spirits.  Here was a movie that would stand
  apart from every other Star Trek film.  An opportunity to show our
  versatility.  The last film was dark and violent.  This one light and funny.
  Moliereʼs name was dropped.  Letʼs show them we can do musical
  comedy, we laughed.
  Two days later, I published a brief, revised story.  Brevity was the key.
  Rickʼs assignment was to put down, in the most attractive terms possible,
  only the broadest possible description of what we were trying to
  accomplish.  “This is not the time to impress anyone with the quality of
  your prose,” he said.  “Just get it down on paper so everyone can sign
  off on it and then you can go off and write a script.”  Music to my ears.
  FACE TO FACE
  42
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  43
  
  STAR TREK IX
  CURRENT STORY STATUS, BROAD STROKES
  7/25/97
  The movie begins in the past with a colorful and funny
  flashback to Picard’s Academy days and establishes a
  platonic, but affectionate relationship between young
  Jean-Luc and fellow cadet, ELEANOR DUFFY.  Visiting
  the home of the Academy’s groundskeeper, Boothby
  (played by Ray Walston), Picard and Duffy look over
  his remarkable collection of objets d’junk as he plays
  a vinyl recording of Stardust on an old victrola.  
  Boothby 
  sees 
  the 
  potential 
  for 
  more 
  in 
  the
  relationship than either Picard or Duffy do.  But
  they’re too smart to let romance complicate their
  friendship.
  We move into the present day as we see a Federation
  ship attacked by a small vessel piloted, incredibly,
  by Data.  This segues into a video record of the
  attack being shown to Picard by two high-ranking,
  elderly members of the Federation Council and a senior
  admiral.  We learn that a small Starfleet crew that
  included Data and Eleanor plus two aliens from a race
  known as the Son’i went on a routine anthropological
  mission six months ago to do a duck-blind study of a
  newly-discovered culture.
  The planet was located in a remote and unexplored
  region of Federation space known as The Briar Patch.
  Data was on loan to pilot the ship through the
  navigational nightmare using his advanced android
  skills.  For reasons unknown, Data has apparently gone
  berserk and is firing on the ships Starfleet has sent
  in to find him.  Picard is ordered to go in, bring him
  back and rescue the others if they’re still alive.
  It’s clear to Picard as he leaves that if he has no
  other alternative, he is expected to terminate Data.
  The Enterprise sets out, taking along two high-
  ranking officers of the Son’i.  These mysterious
  aliens are all extraordinarily old, so ancient in
  fact, that they hide their faces in perpetual shadow.  
  As a race they have accumulated great wealth which
  they protect with a huge arsenal of the most advanced
  weaponry.  Their ships are some the most formidable
  we have ever seen on Star Trek.  And yet the leader
  of these intimidating aliens, whom we will call
  RU’AFO, 
  is 
  well-spoken, 
  approachable, 
  almost
  gentle... but there is the inescapable cold look in
  his eyes that suggest a tortured soul.
  Picard studies the last visual transmissions from
  Data’s ship and sees his android friend acting
  normally, just as he remembers him.  Next to him,
  Eleanor Duffy, now fifty, is cool and professional.
  There is no sign of whatever trouble was to come.
  To help find the way into the Briar Patch, Picard
  seeks out the help of a rag-tag band of civilian
  mariners.  He hears from them about an ancient legend
  of a fountain of youth somewhere in The Patch.
  They laugh, wondering if that’s why he’s going in.
  He assures them it’s not.  With their advice and using
  information from Data’s mission, Picard plots a
  course and pilots one of the Enterprise’s new scout
  ships carrying the Away Team.  Suddenly, Data attacks,
  ignoring all hails.  Picard is forced to crash land
  his ship on the only nearby planet.
  On the surface, Geordi has a strange malfunction with
  his artificial eyes.  Then in short order, the Away
  Team is surrounded and captured by a group of aliens
  that look to be no more than twelve years old.  There
  is no sign of any adults.
  The Away Team is led to a stockade where Picard finds
  Data’s  crew and his old friend Eleanor, but is
  shocked to see that she looks almost as young as she
  looked when they graduated from the Academy.  She
  greets him warmly telling him that they discovered
  vast amounts of an unusual ore along the coastline
  which seems to be making them feel and appear younger.
  It might also explain Geordi’s malfunction. As for
  Data’s behavior, she has no explanations.  She can
  only report that shortly after arriving on the planet,
  Data went berserk and destroyed the duck-blind,
  revealing their presence to the inhabitants.
  The natives of this planet prove not to be children
  at all, but a race, known as the Ba’ku, who have
  stayed young in physical appearance, while retaining
  all the knowledge and wisdom that comes with hundreds
  of years of life.  They are guarded, taciturn and,
  although they have a superior technology, prefer a
  simple existence.  They clearly don’t trust outsiders
  and yet they will ultimately prove to be generous
  hosts.
  They take Picard to Data, who sits on a floor in a
  shadowy alien dwelling, rocking back and forth in some
  sort of strange  meditation.  He does not recognize
  Picard.  Data’s speech patterns are halting; his
  attention seems to wander, in a way, you might say
  he’s almost slow-witted.  For some reason, that even
  he cannot explain to Picard, he has adopted the role,
  almost on a subconscious level, as the protector of
  the Ba’ku.
  As the Enterprise approaches looking for the away
  team, Data boards his scout ship with Picard as
  hostage and goes to attack the Enterprise.  The battle
  is interrupted when Picard finds a way to disable him.  
  Geordi and Beverly go to work repairing Data as Picard
  begins to unravel the mystery of what’s happened here.  
  The first sign that things aren’t what they seem comes
  from the initial examination of Data.  Beverly and
  Geordi report there are signs in his positronic brain
  of a blast from an alien weapon that damaged his
  memory engrams, causing an android form of amnesia.
  Picard is able to determine the blast came from a
  Son’i weapon.  Ru’afo coolly listens to the
  accusation, promises Picard he will interrogate his
  officers to attempt to find out what transpired.
  As the investigation proceeds, word reaches the
  Enterprise crew of the regenerative qualities of the
  planet’s surface and they petition the Captain for
  shore leave, but Picard, who has no tolerance for any
  of this foolishness about a “fountain of youth,”
  declares it off limits.  Troi finally coaxes him into
  allowing them to go for the morale of the crew.
  There’s nothing wrong with feeling young from time to
  time, Captain, she says.  He grumbles but accedes.
  As the story continues, we will spend considerable
  time with various members of the crew as they’re
  affected by this remarkable planet in unexpected
  ways.  In addition to seeing subtle physical changes
  that appear to take years off their age, we’ll
  discover what they were like when they were younger.
  We’ll explore the emotional, intellectual and sexual
  benefits of being young.  For example, Riker’s libido
  will get more active and Troi will feel jealous as she
  sees him soaking buck-naked in a mud bath with two
  female ensigns.  Later, she turns the tables when he
  sees her soaking in the same mud bath buck-naked with
  five male ensigns.  Worf will get in touch with his
  wild Klingon inner child.  Beverly will have to cope
  with one of the Ba’ku “children” who takes a rather
  intense liking to her... she can’t get past his
  physical appearance even though she knows that he’s
  two hundred years old.
  We’ll see other members of the crew become impatient
  and impulsive, forgoing the common sense that comes
  with maturity.  We’ll see them behave bolder with the
  exaggerated self-confidence of youth.  And, finally,
  we’ll see ship operations suffer as the crew
  “misbehaves.” 
  44
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  Picard, resisting it as he might, finds himself being
  affected as well... in very subtle physical ways, and
  also on an emotional level.  There’s a definite swagger
  as he finds himself being drawn to Eleanor, feeling
  the affections a young man might feel in spring.
  There’s no question that under normal circumstances
  these two mature adults would be able to control their
  feelings, but the magical influence of this planet
  seems to be stripping away their inhibitions.
  Data is quickly repaired and fills in some of the
  missing pieces of the mystery.  He tells Picard he
  became suspicious of the Son’i’s behavior after their
  arrival and began to realize that they had a separate
  agenda for the mission.  One day he followed them to
  see them taking ore samples.
  Unfortunately, the Son’i caught him observing and
  shot him.  His memory engrams were damaged, but his
  ethical subroutines remained functional and they
  guided him to protect the Ba’ku because he felt their
  planet was in danger.
  Meanwhile, a dangerous new threat appears as a
  flotilla of Son’i ships follow the course that Picard
  charted and move into orbit around the planet.  When
  Picard asks to question the two Son’i officers, Ru’afo
  tells him that they have already been punished for
  their crime and are dead.  Picard knows a cover-up
  when he sees one.
  As Data works with Picard and Eleanor to find out the
  Son’i’s true motives, he observes the behavior of the
  rest of the crew and begins to explore the human
  obsession with youth, trying to find some way to apply
  this to his own life.  A conversation between Data and
  Picard:  “Did you enjoy your childhood, sir?”  “No, I
  hated my childhood,” says Picard, “A lot of people
  had miserable childhoods.”  And Data asks, “If
  childhood was so bad, why do people want to be young
  again?”
  Their investigation reveals that the Son’i mining
  process will make the entire region unliveable.  It
  is further revealed that their mining operation has
  been approved by the very same Federation officers
  who sent Data, and later Picard, on this mission.
  Picard learns that the Federation plans to move the
  Ba’ku to a new planet and that Data’s mission was in
  fact designed to determine the most efficient and safe
  method to accomplish that.  Obviously it was kept
  secret from Data and the crew because it is a clear
  violation of the Prime Directive.  But one member of
  the crew did know, as Picard is sad to discover, and
  that was Eleanor.
  In an emotional scene, he confronts her and she tries
  to argue the case for the other side, although we
  might sense she’s feeling rather guilty about the
  deception by now.  The Son’i had approached the
  members of the Federation Council, she tells Picard,
  with the promise of sharing the secrets of this
  remarkable substance.  We saw the potential for a new
  era of medicine based on the regenerative properties
  of this ore.  Life spans would be doubled, tripled.
  It would be a quantum leap forward for every
  Federation culture.  To the Son’i, it was a matter of
  survival, life and death.  Without it, they would
  become extinct as their race quickly died of old age.
  They had combed the galaxy looking for the substance
  after their supply had run out and this is virtually
  the only place they could find any more of it.
  Picard understands the rest.  The only stumbling block
  was a small group of non-spacefaring people who just
  happened to live on top of this ore.  Eleanor
  acknowledges, saying everyone felt it was reasonable
  to quietly move a few thousand people for the sake of
  the greater good.  Picard understands that the
  Federation officers involved were willing to turn a
  blind eye to the interests of a tiny, far away culture
  in order to serve our own.  And isn’t it a coincidence
  he notes dryly, that the men approached by the Son’i
  happened to be among the oldest in the Federation
  government. 
  Eleanor is clearly uncomfortable with the ethical
  challenge Picard has raised.  Picard tells her that
  Dr. Crusher’s examination of one Ba’ku who had to be
  beamed aboard the ship strongly suggests that once
  removed from this planet’s surface, these people
  begin to age.  If they were moved, their entire
  culture would be undermined.
  Picard calls Starfleet, advising the senior admiral
  that moving the Ba’ku would expose them to the aging
  process and eventually lead to their deaths.  The
  admiral explains to Picard that the Ba’ku will die a
  lot faster if we don’t move them.  The Son’i have made
  it clear they will do whatever it takes to get that
  ore.  Picard: So, as an alternative, we’re allowing
  them to steal a planet from its inhabitants within
  Federation space?  How do we justify such a thing?  
  The admiral gets angry: It was the best we could do.
  Was it?, challenges Picard.  Or did the Son’i make us
  an offer we simply couldn’t resist.  Have we truly
  explored all other options?  The admiral: here’s the
  other option, Captain -- their weapons are superior to
  ours.  If they really wanted to kill the people on
  this planet, frankly, we couldn’t stop them.
  So, I suggest you get on with the inevitable task of
  moving them.  Picard responds that it is not our
  decision to make.  It’s theirs.  I will not move the
  Ba’ku without their consent.  The admiral orders him
  to withdraw, saying that other Starfleet ships will be
  sent to do the job and signs off.
  Picard goes to the leader of the Ba’ku, a “boy” he has
  come to know and respect during the past several days
  and explains the circumstances.  The Ba’ku leader
  speaks for his people when he says with passion that
  they will not move from their homeland; their lives
  are connected to the land, it defines who they are.
  Although they’re a non-violent people, they would
  rather fight the Son’i to the death than to leave.  
  Picard is impressed by their courage and conviction
  and knows in his heart that he cannot abandon them.
  Quietly, he removes his pips, his uniform and says
  good-bye to his ship as he leaves to help the Ba’ku
  fight for their lives.
  Data chooses to join Picard in this fight and Picard
  is further pleased when Eleanor changes sides and
  joins him as well.  His arguments and her love for him
  have touched her conscience.  She cannot bring herself
  to fight against him or his ideals.  As they begin to
  prepare for battle, Picard and Eleanor finally let
  their passion get the better of them and enjoy the
  hell out of it.  It turns out that old Boothby really
  did know what he was talking about.
  The “children” have neither the aptitude nor appetite
  for the weapons of war and Picard is unwilling to
  force them to participate in the violence they have
  shunned as a society.  But he finds them to be
  resourceful tacticians and agile, clever colleagues
  as he leads Data and Eleanor on missions to sabotage
  the Son’i mining operations (some of which occur in
  space).
  Ru’afo knows his people are literally running out of
  time.  Many have already died.  The approaching
  Starfleet vessels are five days away.  He orders his
  forces to begin an all-out assault.  If Federation
  people helping the Ba’ku are killed, it’s their own
  fault.
  The admiral orders Riker to get a search party
  together to find Picard and arrest him before the
  Son’i kill him.  They succeed, but instead of
  arresting him, the crew chooses to stay with Picard
  even though the odds of victory seem impossible.  
  Picard orders Riker to take the remaining crew and
  their families on board the Enterprise to safety.
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  45
  
  It won’t be long before the Son’i turn against the
  Enterprise in retaliation for his actions.  Riker
  agrees to take the Enterprise out of The Briar Patch
  but promises to return with help.  Picard says
  there’ll be no help from the Federation.
  The Son’i launch devastating attacks that destroy the
  village and defoliate the jungle... it is a huge
  battle, Son’i fighters coming in over the ocean,
  strafing the beach... ultimately forcing Picard and
  his overmatched army into a defensive position.  As
  the Son’i continue their assault, it may remind us of
  the Alamo.  As their defenses are worn down, Picard
  and his officers know their time is almost up... they
  cannot survive another attack.
  On the night before what they know will be the final
  battle, they share some personal memories, some
  smiles, even laughs... personal things you only say at
  the end.  But the next morning, a new glimpse of hope
  as Riker returns with the rag-tag fleet of mariners
  who have come to help Picard fight the good fight.
  Their arrival gives Picard an idea...
  Picard plans a daring attempt to capture the Son’i
  leader, Ru’afo.  Using a mariner’s junkyard ship, he
  manages to sneak through the Son’i defenses and board
  their lead ship.  As the crew on the surface struggle
  to survive a few hours more, Picard fights his way
  past several Son’i guards and reaches Ru’afo’s
  quarters where he lies close to death...
  Picard is shocked to see Ru’afo’s face clearly for
  the first time.  It reveals physical characteristics
  that match the Ba’ku.  He soon realizes that the Son’i
  and the Ba’ku are in fact the same race.  He convinces
  Ru’afo to call off the attack.
  It is quickly revealed that the Son’i are actually a
  group of Ba’ku who were banished hundreds of years
  ago for refusing to respect the society’s oaths of
  simplicity and isolationism.  They had no respect for
  the traditional ways.  They wanted more material
  goods, an opportunity to explore the universe.
  So they were sent away from the planet on mariner
  ships, their passage paid for with small quantities of
  the magic ore thus creating the legend of the fountain
  of youth.  Now they have come home to collect the ore
  which will insure their survival... and only agreed to
  relocate their brethren so those who banished them
  could feel the slow torture of the aging process.
  Picard ultimately forces the leaders of both groups to
  confront one another and brokers a difficult peace.
  They are after all in Federation space and, as it
  turns out, they are a warp-capable society and thus
  responsible 
  to 
  follow 
  the 
  protocols 
  of 
  the
  Federation.  Humanity will have to do without a magic
  elixir of youth, because the ore is going to stay on
  this planet as the Prime Directive demands.
  Picard makes the Ba’ku see that there is a time to let
  old wounds heal.  Now that the word is out about the
  fountain of youth, and a passage through The Briar
  Patch has been charted, it will be necessary to defend
  themselves against those who would come to exploit it
  (like the Ferengi).  They could find the weaponry and
  resources that their Son’i brothers have acquired to
  be very valuable in the near future.  In the end, he
  leaves the two sides in a hopeful cease-fire.
  The last stirring scene TBD will see Picard back in
  his uniform, with his crew in a triumphant moment that
  will leave people cheering in the aisles...
  THE END
  46
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  47
  
  Inside every android, thereʼs a song-and-dance-man trying to get out.  If
  you donʼt believe me, check out Brent Spinerʼs performance as the song-
  and-dance-man-from-hell in Out To Sea and tell me if he doesnʼt steal the
  picture right out from under those two pros Jack Lemmon and Walter
  Matthau.  Hard to believe thatʼs our Data.  But Brent was singing and
  dancing on Broadway long before he ever became Data, working in
  shows like Big River and Stephen Sondheimʼs Sunday In the Park With
  George.
  Brent had no idea that Iʼd once attended classes at Juilliard and was a
  musician myself until late one night in Washington, D.C. when the cast
  and the producers of Star Trek: The Next Generation and our spouses
  were having a nightcap in the lobby bar of the Watergate Hotel.  It had
  been a memorable evening.  All of us had been invited to join a
  celebration honoring the original Mercury astronauts.  As excited as we
  were to shake the hands of men like Alan Shepard and John Glenn, you
  should have seen their faces when they were introduced to “Captain
  Picard” and crew.  Anyway, we were still feeling the glow from the
  occasion as we sat together in a quiet personal moment.  
  There was a baby grand piano in the lobby and I sat down and began to
  noodle a few songs I knew... the kind of songs you play at one in the
  morning at a bar, like “Angel Eyes” and “One For My Baby”... and Patrick
  and Brent and the others looked over with surprise.  Brent came over
  and sat beside me at the piano and said, “Michael Piller, the mystery
  man of Star Trek”.
  Sadly, weʼd rarely had many of those personal moments over the years
  and I was still a mystery man to Brent as he read the proposed story.
  Brent was less convinced than ever that I knew how to write his
  character.
  Weʼd received quick approval from everyone at the studio.  Rick
  described Patrick, back in Australia, as “ecstatic.”  Brent was in New
  York in rehearsals for the Roundabout Theatre Company production of
  “1776” in which he would star (magnificently) in the leading role of John
  Adams.  We wanted him to see the story too so that all the key players
  would be on board.  But Brent wasnʼt quite ready to join the boarding
  party.
  Brent was unhappy about Data malfunctioning early in the picture.  He
  had behaved abnormally in the last two movies.  He was afraid it was
  beginning to seem like Data was an untrustworthy officer.  Beyond the
  malfunction, Data seemed to him like an after-thought.  Discouraged, he
  offered up a solution: kill Data off in this movie.  We declined and tried
  to assure him that we would continue to develop Dataʼs story on the
  Baʼku planet.
  As for the story itself, Brent liked the notions of the rag-tag army, the
  elements from Heart of Darkness, Magnificent Seven, The Alamo and
  Lost Horizon.  But he had a lot of questions.  I mean a lot of questions.
  Like hundreds of them.   
  Why do the Ba’ku look twelve?  
  Do they procreate?  
  Are there any real children?  
  Why does Duffy look like she did at the Academy?  If she stays there,
  is she going to eventually look twelve too? 
  Why do our crew’s appearances change “subtly” but their behaviors
  change “drastically”?  And if our people act like children, how are the
  Ba’ku “children” acting like adults?
  The Ba’ku don’t behave like children.  Why do our people’s behavior
  change?  
  Does the ore make people younger or just appear younger?  Or does
  it make them behave younger?   
  Do the Son’i reproduce?  
  How old are they?  
  Why are they coming back now?  Did they take some ore with them
  and are just now running out?
  Why don’t they just ask their relatives for some more ore?
  Why doesn’t anyone on the Federation Council say this plan is a
  violation of the Prime Directive?  
  Does the Federation know the Ba’ku and the Son’i are related?  
  Why aren’t the Federation leaders punished at the end?
  Many of the answers we already knew but had simply left out of the
  shorter story document.  Others, we realized, we really hadnʼt thought
  about yet.  Brentʼs list forced us to confront all the loose threads in our
  story.
  Brent also said he wasnʼt sure what the theme of the movie was.  Yes,
  it was about Youth but what exactly was it trying to say about Youth?
  Rick and I gave answers that weʼd discussed with Patrick and each other
  for months.  But as we did, a brief thought passed through my mind that
  we did have a lot of themes now that we had blended the two stories -
  rediscovering the joys of youth, family devotion among the crew,
  honoring oneʼs deepest principles -- but then my control self jumped and
  said, hey, thatʼs not necessarily a bad thing.  Itʼll give you the chance to
  provide layers of subtext to the screenplay.  Donʼt worry about it.
  I never gave it a second thought...
  AUGUST 1997
  BRENT
  48
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  49
  
  By this time, I felt I knew every element of this story inside out and upside
  down.  There were scenes inside my head literally screaming to be put
  down on paper.  They would wake me up at night and ask to be written.
  I just plunged in and started writing.
  When I write a script, I like to write seven days a week - it helps keep me
  ʻinʼ the movie - but I only ask myself to do six pages a day.  Six pages
  donʼt feel like a lot, and that relieves some of the psychological pressure
  to sit down and perform.  Iʼve found over the years that I can easily write
  those six pages between eight and noon.  Whenever I try to go longer
  my productivity drops sharply. I can do other things in the afternoon --
  read, take meetings, dictate memos, discuss other material.  I just canʼt
  write.
  Many of the afternoon meetings in August were about new TV projects.
  I still had obligations to the television division of Paramount and another
  network series development season was rolling around.  The studio
  asked me to do a show about alien crime fighters but I didnʼt like the
  idea.  I asked them to let me do a series about a man who suddenly
  begins to realize that through some strange time manipulation heʼs living
  out different versions of his own life.
  They didnʼt like the idea.  One morning, working out on my Nordic Trak,
  I watched CNN describe the search for fugitive killer Andrew Cunanan.
  The word “manhunt” was repeated over and over.  Two weeks later, Joe
  Stern, one of Law and Order’s founding producers, and I sold Manhunt
  to CBS.  In the mornings, I would be in the 24th century chasing the
  fountain of youth and in the afternoon, Iʼd be back in the 20th Century
  chasing a dangerous killer.
  Divided attention?  Sure.  But thatʼs what you have to do or you wonʼt
  have a job when the script youʼre working on is done.  Plus, I find my
  mind likes to let go and move on to something else for a few hours.  But
  I donʼt earn the ʻprivilegeʼ of afternoon diversions until my six pages are
  done.
  Television with its commercial interruptions throw traditional narrative
  structure out the window.  But  feature-length screenplays usually have
  a classic three act dramatic structure.  I could get long-winded here
  about structure but suffice to say I was looking for a provocative set-up
  in act one, intriguing and unexpected complications  (with an emphasis
  on character evolution) in act two and a clever, action-filled resolution in
  act three.
  I figured that each act in this script would contain fifteen or so scenes
  (not including single shots or angles within scenes or individual action
  beats that can rack up scene numbers in a hurry)... which meant I had
  just forty-five scenes to tell my whole story.  The trick was to choose the
  right forty-five from the hundreds available.
  I approach each act as a play in itself, making sure it has a beginning, a
  middle and an end.  Then, as I begin to write, I approach each scene as
  a play in itself, looking for an effective beginning, a middle and end, even
  if itʼs only a page or two long.  When I was starting out, I invariably started
  my scenes too early and ended them too late.  There was excess
  dialogue that served no purpose.  Over time, Iʼve learned that every line
  of dialogue should serve some purpose, including the most casual of
  responses like “yes” or “no”.  How the character says “yes” or “no” can
  tell us a lot about whatʼs going on inside that character.
  And something has to be going on inside the characters.  To quote
  William Goldman: “If all thatʼs going on in your scenes is whatʼs going on
  in your scenes, think about it a long time.”
  As a musician, Iʼve learned that writing dialogue is like playing jazz
  improvisation on a melody.  You never play the melody.  You play around
  it.  You never want a character to come out and say exactly what heʼs
  feeling, just like you never want to hear the exact melody of the tune
  youʼre improvising.  But you always stay within the basic structure of the
  song and the basic structure of the story.You learn to communicate what
  you want to say without ever saying it.
  As any jazz musician will tell you, to improvise you have to let go, you
  canʼt think your way through an improvisational line -- you have to feel
  it, go with it, trust yourself.  Itʼs the same way with writing dialogue.  (By
  the way, as a pianist, Iʼm unsuccessful at jazz improvisation because
  Iʼve never been able to find a way to let go of the control self.  For better
  advice on jazz, please contact Oscar Peterson.)
  My goal for a first draft is to make sure the reader has a good time.
  When Iʼm producing, I hate to open someone elseʼs script and see it
  crammed with descriptions and thick wads of dialogue and lots of stage
  directions.  As the writer, I try to put myself behind the eyes of the reader.
  Is it as much fun to read as it is to write?  It better be.  You can always
  go back in after they love your first draft and put in all the details the
  director needs.
  After writing this first draft for a week or so, something didnʼt feel right.  I
  felt we were lacking a sense of mystery.  Plus the lead villain didnʼt have
  anything interesting to do until an hour into the movie.  I sent the forty
  pages Iʼd written to Rick so that we could discuss my concerns.  I added
  an outline of the rest of the script so he could see where I was going.
  A writer generally doesnʼt send half-baked, troubled material to the
  producer who hired him.  But my relationship with Rick made it possible.
  Rick loved the first forty pages but understood my concerns.  We went
  over the outline for two days to see if we could add some mystery.
  Rick came up with an intriguing idea.  Instead of old aliens, the Sonʼa
  (the ʻiʼ had been changed to an ʻaʼ because the original version reminded
  too many people of a popular electronics conglomerate) would be
  younger.  
  Much younger, in fact.  Weʼd make them thirty-something aliens who are
  terrified of growing old.  It was a twist on a familiar theme and we knew
  this would have the added benefit of attracting an audience with a
  younger demographic! We also decided to keep the fountain of youth a
  secret until we reached the planet.
  Another thing we added was a cameo appearance by another Star Trek
  character -- Quark, played by Armin Shimerman, who owns the bar on
  Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.  Quark is a Ferengi, a greedy little creature,
  and we thought the discovery of a fountain of youth would suggest all
  sorts of profitable possibilities to him.
  By the last week of August, we had made all the changes I felt were
  necessary in the structure and I went back to work and continued writing
  for about three weeks until the first draft was done.
  A FALSE START
  50
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  I had no idea how bad it was. I was feeling nothing but exhilaration.
  122½ pages of gold.  Everything weʼd talked about for months was in
  there.  
  But Iʼd been through this enough to know
  you canʼt trust your own feelings after
  you type ʻFADE OUTʼ.  Youʼre too
  close to the material to be objective.
  You want it to be over too much.
  So I always show the first draft to
  someone I trust before I turn it
  in.
  When it comes to material, I
  trust no one more than Ira
  Steven Behr.  Ira was there with
  me during my first season on
  Star Trek: The Next Generation.
  He was with me for the launch of Star
  Trek: Deep Space Nine and eventually took over the
  Executive Producer chores when I moved on.   
  I sent him the script.  He came over at the end of the day.  He took off
  his sunglasses.  Ira never takes off his sunglasses.  He looked at me
  with sorrowful eyes.
  Ten minutes later, he left me alone with my 122½ pages.  I sat there,
  leafing through it dumbly.  Every page looked different now.  It was a
  script written from beginning to end by the control self.  I could see the
  writers’ hand in every scene trying to cram the two stories together like
  two separate jig-saw puzzles whose pieces donʼt fit.
  I called Rick and warned him that Ira felt we had serious problems.  I
  sent him the script and asked him to consider three fundamental
  questions as he read it:
  “1) How do we make the villains worthy adversaries to Picard?  Now,
  they are paper tigers (Iraʼs description).  Coming off a movie about
  the Borg, the greatest villains in the history of Star Trek, this is a
  major problem.
  2)
  Is the ʻheroʼs journeyʼ for Picard that I keep preaching about truly in
  place?
  3)
  Are we getting all that we want out of the fountain of youth?”
  I added that I wouldnʼt be asking the last two questions if I thought the
  answer were yes. With that, I turned off my office lights and went home
  to bed but not to sleep.
  FAILURE
  Iʼm no stranger to failure.  No writer is.  In fact, thereʼs something
  perversely comforting about failure.  Success is the aberration.  We donʼt
  trust it.  Because we know our next failure canʼt be far behind.  Ironically,
  Iʼve found it takes just as much work to achieve failure as it does to
  achieve success.  Sometimes even more.
  How to deal with it?  I wish I could tell you.  I usually try to put a failure
  into a meaningful context.  Like: “Hey, that’s why they call it a first draft.”
  And then thereʼs the always popular, “What the hell ever made you think
  you were a writer!?” 
  Then, I go back and retrace my steps, trying to see
  where I wandered off course, checking out other
  potential paths in this murky creative forest.
  Inevitably, I arrive again at the failure.  And
  then I go back and do it all over again.
  And again.
  Thatʼs what I was doing on a plane the
  following weekend as I flew to North
  Carolina.  Iʼm on the alumni council for the
  Department of Communications Studies at the
  University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.  Each time I visit,
  I talk to writing students.  This time, Iʼd spend a few hours with them
  pretending to be a successful screenwriter.  
  I opened the book Iʼd bought for the trip, Neil Simonʼs memoirs, entitled
  Rewrites.  Somewhere over Oklahoma, I reached chapter seven, page
  127 and Mr. Simon spoke to me like a Rabbi:
  “The brilliant is born out of a writerʼs pain, some divine inspiration, and
  a slight bit of madness,” he wrote. “You can aspire to it but you canʼt plan
  on it, especially if you know your limitations.  Your horizons can expand,
  however, if you allow yourself the possibility of failure.  You must, in fact,
  court failure.  Let her be your temptress.  There must be danger in the
  attempt and no net strung across the abyss to break your fall.”
  Okay, I told myself, I could have taken an easier path and written the
  theme-park-thrill-ride movie.  But I didnʼt.  I tried to write a movie about
  something and by that very decision, I was courting failure.  Give yourself
  some credit, I told myself.  Youʼre lucky.  Youʼre still in the ballgame and
  thereʼs a lot of time left to score.
  I brought the Neil Simon book with me when I met with the Carolina
  students and I read the passage aloud.  We talked about failure.  And
  how no writer can survive without it.
  LOOKING FOR THE LIGHT
  The next month felt like a lost weekend.  Autumn had arrived, prep
  30 was
  only weeks away, and I was like a fallen leaf being blown one way and
  then another as I tried to find some way to fix the script.  These were the
  nights of staring at the ceiling and the dawns walking through the
  Paramount gates.
  Even away from work, the script stalked me. I took my little girl to the
  Santa Monica Pier and Picard and crew waved at me from the twisting
  roller coaster.  I watched football games on TV between the Sonʼa and the
  Baʼku.  I shared a hot dog at Pinkʼs famous stand with Ruʼafo and Duffy.  
  I gained five pounds.  Something in my neck went out and I couldnʼt feel
  my left hand for weeks. 
  A strong new pair of legs joined the death march and brought new hope.
  Jonathan Frakes had been hired to direct the new movie.  Jonathan had
  made a spectacular bow as a feature director with Star Trek: First
  Contact after several years learning his craft directing the television
  shows.  Rick and I invited him into our lunchtime meetings to discuss
  what we were going to do next.  We tore the script apart.  We put it back
  together again.  We talked about losing the entire Data arc.  We talked
  about losing the entire fountain of youth arc.  We knew that Patrick loved
  the fountain of youth and wouldnʼt want to lose it, and yet we thought
  that Data part of the movie was working better than the other half.  In
  fact, the fountain of youth was nothing more than comedy relief -- bad
  comedy at that.  I knew, for the movie to have an emotional impact, the
  fountain of youth had to mean something more, particularly to Picard.
  He had to learn something from his visit there.
  Clearly, the two stories were pulling at each other. We had enough plot
  for a mini-series and something would have to go.  And yet something
  would have to be added too because the movie seemed to lack an
  emotional core.
  By the middle of September we had re-fashioned the story in a dozen
  different ways and all of them seemed even
  less interesting than the one that we
  started with.  I didnʼt know where to
  begin to make this script better.
  But through it all, there was the
  quiet confidence of Rick.  Without
  it, I donʼt think I could have gotten
  through this period.  People ask
  me all the time what a producer
  does.  A good producer is a rock. 
  A Berman. 
  SEPTEMBER 1997
  IRA
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  51
  30 Short for pre-production, the time when all the plans for shooting have to be made.
  
  I was certain that the emotional core we were missing had to come from
  Picardʼs story.  As written, there was no heroʼs journey for Picard yet.  I
  felt handcuffed by Patrickʼs concern about being haunted, because in
  order to make the fountain of youth change him as a man, I felt I needed
  to start the movie off with him in trouble.
  It might be possible, I speculated, to create a situation in which Picard
  is in trouble but he doesn’t necessarily realize it.  The audience can see
  it but he doesnʼt.  We talked about what kind of trouble that might be.  An
  idea that seemed to stick was that Picardʼs life, like so many
  contemporary lives today, could be cluttered, heʼs become consumed
  with so many details that heʼs lost touch with the things he truly cares
  about.  It would be a journey of regeneration.  In fact, if not for Star Trek
  Generations, this movie would probably have been called Star Trek:
  Regeneration.  
  But our problems with telling a single cohesive story remained.  By the
  end of the month, I even stopped trying to think my way out of the
  dilemma.  And the moment I stopped trying, the way became clear.
  Donʼt ask me how the mind works.  Itʼs one of the great mysteries of
  being a writer.  And one of our great fears, too.  Since we canʼt control
  the creative process, how do we fix it if it ever breaks down?  I only know
  the answer came to me on the fourth Monday in September.
  September 22, 1997
  To: Rick
  From: Mike
  I’ve come to grips over the weekend with how to make this
  picture work, at least from my point of view.
  It’s not taking the same road we’ve been talking about for the last
  few days; however.  I simply can’t see how to make that work.  I
  don’t think I can get Picard’s uniform off by the end of act one
  credibly.  This premise will seem flat and perfunctory when the
  last two-thirds of the film are devoted to the fight.  It desperately
  requires a sense of mystery.  I think it’s terribly wrong to do a Star
  Trek movie that begins and ends at one planet.
  I know you felt strongly the answer to our problems was to lose
  the Heart of Darkness.  I think that’s when we started to go off
  track.
  I said last week... and I believe more strongly than ever now...
  that the way to fix this story was to find ways to integrate the two
  stories effectively... so that one doesn’t end and another abruptly
  begins.  I said what I thought was needed was to give Picard a
  stronger through line that would tie the elements together and to
  pull the fountain of youth story up to act one somehow.  I think
  I’ve figured out how to accomplish both those goals.
  Unfortunately, for me, it will require a page one rewrite.
  Fortunately, my sense as a writer says it will solve the major
  problems of the script (and raise a few questions that we’ll have
  to resolve.)
  The tent poles are the same.  Act one ends with the fight with
  Data followed by the discovery of the planet.  Act two ends with
  Picard taking off the pips.  Act three is Magnificent Seven leading
  to the Guns of Navarone.
  31
  The first change is the maguffin.
  32 Instead of the planet’s
  atmosphere, the de-aging effect is a space phenomenon.  We’ll
  tech it out later but it’s either the radiation from the sun or
  something in the nebula or the Briar Patch or whatever we
  choose to call it.  Thus, the trip up the river is not about how do
  we get there (I don’t see the mariners in this version)... it’s about
  going through a mysterious region of space on our way to find
  Data and as we do strange things begin to happen to people
  aboard the Enterprise.  It’s the classic mystery set up - what the
  hell is going on here?  Once we see the first de-aging effects
  right here in act one... act two will seem a natural evolution of the
  narrative instead of a new start.  
  This way we don’t have to stop in act two for the shore leave
  routine... we just skip it... this accomplishes another of your
  suggestions that we’re in the de-aging environment because
  we’re forced to be.  It’s the only way to get to Data.
  This also affects act three where the Guns of Navarone can be
  in space.  The Son’a can be setting up a huge device to implode
  the sun or whatever and our mission is to sabotage it.  This
  allows for the final action to be in space....
  I think it works something like this:
  Teaser is the Sorvino Switch sabotage by Data.
  Introduce our heroes effectively somehow TBD while we
  establish Picard’s cluttered life... This is interrupted by a
  message or the arrival of Worf who says that he learned at DS9
  that Data has gone berserk, sabotaged the Sorvino Switch and
  that Admiral Dougherty has been sent to this remote unexplored
  region of space to terminate him.  Picard sets a heading for the
  remote location.
  Ultimately we are attacked by Data... we are finally able to beam
  him out and capture him due to a extremely clever plan by
  Picard.
  We beam down to the planet to release the prisoners being held
  there and find...
  Well, this is where the second change takes effect.  I was
  prepared to argue for leaving it a race of children because I think
  it is more interesting than the “gentle, serene people living a
  simple life” that we’ve done a dozen times before.  Frankly, I don’t
  know how to make that race physically unique.
  But something about this world must tempt Picard to want to
  stay and yet in the end, he knows there is too much to be done...
  and if men like him abandon the Federation to men like
  Dougherty, then his life will have no meaning.
  I don’t think Picard would be tempted to live on the planet of the
  children, so it has to be adults.
  33 And we must personalize the
  temptation with our own version of Jane Wyatt
  34 with whom he
  falls in love.  This is the first clear, emotional arc we’ve had for
  Picard and it will work.  It will all work, I think.  I hope when you
  live with it for a day or two, you’ll agree with me.
  Pray for a Dodger miracle.
  35
  The memo provided a starting point to rebuild the script from page one.
  52
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  31 We had discussed a “Guns of Navarone” type finale in which Picard destroys a high tech
  military installation in space.
  32 “maguffin” -- the plot element that motivates the characters to take action.
  33 It would also force us to go back to the elderly version of the Sonʼa.
  34 A reference to Ronald Colemanʼs love interest in Lost Horizon.  Wyatt also played Spockʼs
  mother in the original series and Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.
  35 Describes the status of the pennant race on September 22, 1997. Obviously the Dodgers
  were falling behind and would ultimately lose.
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  53
  
  Screenplays are structure, according to William Goldman.  It doesnʼt
  matter how good your dialogue is or even how good your characters are.
  If your structure fails, you have no foundation on which to build a
  screenplay.  A good argument could be made (and Ira Behr would be
  the one making it if he were looking over my shoulder right now) that I
  had not spent enough time on the structure of the first draft.
  On our television shows, the staff of writers sit in a room, sometimes for
  days, writing the structure on a white board before we send the individual
  writer out to write the teleplay.  These “story breaking” sessions have a
  remarkable energy about them and I always encourage newer people on
  staff not to censor themselves, because even if they make a suggestion
  that doesnʼt work, it might spark an idea from somebody else in the room,
  which could then spark another idea to keep driving the story forward.
  “We have to be willing to make fools of ourselves in front of each other,”
  I like to say to new writers before we start the break.  “This room is safe.” 
  By the time the writer goes off to write the script, he (or she) has every
  scene analyzed in the teleplay and that beat sheet helps them feel a little
  less lonely at their word processor.
  Rick and I had only spent two days looking at the structure for the first
  draft.  Weʼd never put it up on the board.  This time I insisted we go
  through the entire process.  Jonathan joined us and the three of us spent
  two weeks together building a new structure in my office.
  By the time we were done, I felt more comfortable about the movie we
  were about to make than I had felt since the day I was hired.
  SECOND DRAFT
  As I wrote “Fade In” on Monday, October 13th, I was immediately
  confronted with my first decision -- where would Picardʼs clutter arc
  begin?  Where was he in his life when we find him?
  On Deep Space Nine, the series which chronicles the continuing
  adventures of Starfleet, the Federation was involved in a desperate war
  for survival against the evil Dominion.  It would be nice, I felt, to be
  consistent with the TV show.  Picard and the Enterprise might be
  involved in combat when we find him.  I called Ira who has guided the
  series for the last several years.  “I know this is a hard question to
  answer,” I said.  “But where do you think the Federation will be next
  Christmas when this movie comes out?”
  Ira, who enjoys exploring the darker side of Twenty-Fourth century life,
  laughed and answered, “This might surprise you, knowing me.  But I
  think things will be looking up for the Federation.  The war will linger on
  but itʼll reach a stalemate probably by then and our stories will be more
  hopeful.”  It made sense. Deep Space Nine would be in the middle of its
  last season -- the decision had been made long ago that it would run
  seven seasons -- and certainly theyʼd want to end the series on an
  uplifting note.
  So, it seemed combat wasnʼt the answer for Picard and as I sat there, I
  told myself it was probably just as well.  Rick was not enthusiastic about
  the Dominion War plotline on Deep Space Nine and I knew heʼd be
  reluctant to bring it to the big screen even as a tangential element.
  So, I decided Picard would be awash in mundane details of duties
  heaped upon him by Starfleet Command as the war was winding down.
  It would be a far more subtle ʻregenerationʼ for our Captain but I thought
  I could pull it off and I thought I could do it with humor which would be
  more in keeping with the tone of the film.
  Writing this script was a regeneration in itself for me.  From the moment I
  started writing it, I felt I was on board the Enterprise with these characters.
  Thereʼs nothing quite like the quiet pleasure that comes with discovering
  a dialogue exchange that is so right, it even surprises you.  Like a
  moment I found in a scene between Picard and Anij, the 300-year-old
  woman he meets on the planet.  Heʼs fascinated by the Bakuʼs ability to
  explore the mysteries of a single moment in time:  
  PICARD
  I wish I could spare a few 
  centuries to learn.
  ANIJ
  It took us a few centuries to 
  learn that it doesn’t have to
  take centuries to learn.
  Donʼt ask me how I thought up that line. I didnʼt. I was just eavesdropping
  on a conversation and I heard Anij say it. 
  One of the greatest challenges of this next draft was to find a way to
  integrate the humor associated with the fountain of youth more gracefully
  than I had done in the first draft.  In the structure, we had identified the
  places that these moments of humor would best fit, but it was up to me
  now to execute them in a way that was genuinely funny without being
  silly or disruptive.  I wasnʼt quite sure how to do it.
  I went back and examined what other writers had done with similar
  themes.  For example, I watched Monkey Business36, starring Cary
  Grant, Ginger Rogers and Marilyn Monroe.  A scientific experiment goes
  awry and Cary and Ginger wind up acting like children.  This was a well
  reviewed picture directed by Howard Hawks (Leonard Maltin gave it
  three stars) but I was surprised at how quickly the childish behavior
  became irritating.
  I wanted the audience to laugh with the characters, not laugh at them.
  No stupid childish behavior, I decided.  And I started making a list of all
  the qualities of youth that people might remember fondly.  I looked at my
  own children to remind me what was fun about being young.  I watched
  my nine-year-old daughter Brent skip across rocks in the backyard,
  singing a simple melody to herself.  I wrote Picard humming a nursery
  rhyme to himself.  My grown son, Shawn, likes to sleep late -- how he
  can sleep through his alarm is beyond me.  I wrote Worf oversleeping
  and missing his duty call to the Bridge.  I also started to think what it
  might be like for a Klingon to go through puberty.
  Act two of this script scared me.  The best scenes in the picture were in
  act two... it was full of mystery, humor, romance, character conflict... but
  there was no action in the middle of the script.  Forty pages without action.
  Unheard of in an “action picture.”  Certainly, the studio would have a
  problem with this.  Nevertheless, I liked what I was doing so I continued,
  knowing the second act was eventually going to come back to haunt me.
  As I started reviewing my work, I felt a lot of things had been
  accomplished in this new draft.  For the first time, I thought we had a
  solid structure and clear, compelling stakes.
  I revisited the three questions I had sent to Rick after the last draft:
  1)
  Are the villains worthy adversaries to Picard?  I thought they were.
  With Duffy gone, Iʼd moved the admiral in charge of the nefarious
  mission to be aboard the Sonʼa ship.  That would give me the power
  of the Federation right there to confront Picard, eye to eye.  Ruʼafo
  was broad and colorful but the moral ambiguity of Admiral Dougherty
  was more interesting to me.  He was a decent man who thought he
  represented a noble cause and during the film, slowly compromises
  his ideals to get the job done.  The trick would be for the actor cast
  to play his part as though he were the hero of the piece.  In fact, I
  thought Dougherty was the true villain of the movie and the character
  who might prove to be the most memorable antagonist to Picard.
  2)
  Is the ʻheroʼs journeyʼ for Picard in place?  Yes, I said again.  The
  clutter arc was subtle, even fragile, but I thought a lot of people in the
  audience would identify with a life without time for meaningful pursuits.
  It gave Patrick a subtext to play in several scenes without ever being
  ʻhauntedʼ.  It was light and funny but real.  I thought it could work.
  3)
  Are we getting all that we want out of the fountain of youth?  Again,
  I said yes.  The effects on our crew were reading warm, funny and
  even touching.
  OCTOBER 1997
  STRUCTURE
  54
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  36 Screenplay by Ben Hecht & Charles Lederer & I.A.L. Diamond.  Story by Harry Segall
  
  One of the decisions Iʼd made during writing had gone against Rickʼs
  wishes.  In our story discussions, heʼd fought against allowing the planetʼs
  regenerative powers to cure LaForgeʼs blindness, saying it was hokey
  and not consistent with the fountain of youth theme.  My guts told me it
  was the right thing to do.  I liked the emotional moment it would give us.
  But I also liked the fact that it would make Picardʼs choices more difficult.
  The Admiral could point to Picardʼs own officer as evidence of all the
  good that could be accomplished by stealing the magic energy from this
  planet.  Would Picard ask his own officer to give up his sight? I like to
  give my characters moral and ethical dilemmas and I was sure that Rick
  would be convinced when he read the script.
  I still had doubts about some things. I felt the Baʼku in their rural simplicity
  were awfully conventional.  And I hadnʼt found alien powers that made
  them special in a Star Trek sense.  They just didnʼt seem alien enough
  to me.  I still felt Picard was not profoundly affected enough by this planet
  or the people there.  The clutter arc started off promisingly, but it petered
  out because the story never stopped long enough for Picard to become
  uncluttered.  I felt intuitively that the missing Baʼku powers might
  ultimately provide the answer for Picard, but I didnʼt know what they
  were.
  My afternoons were still occupied with television.  Paramount had
  responded very favorably to the pilot for Manhunt.  But all of CBSʼ fall
  police dramas had failed and they lost their taste for the genre and would
  eventually pass.  At the same time, NBC had asked me to think about
  creating a show for their Saturday night “Thrillogy” line-up.  Senior Vice
  President of Primetime Series David Nevins said they were looking for
  something along the lines of a modern Incredible Hulk or Kung Fu.
  Writer Jeffrey Stepakoff and I teamed up to pitch them a supernatural
  thriller about two brothers, one evil and one good, who are in a battle
  over Earth.  Both have harnessed the powers of the Kabbalah – an
  ancient study of Jewish mysticism that Iʼd read about in a news
  magazine.  As we researched the subject, we learned that students of
  the Kabbalah are said to have vastly increased awareness of the
  universe.  Masters are supposed to be able to change the nature of the
  physical world around them.  NBC passed on our pitch.  But Iʼd found the
  powers I needed to make my Star Trek aliens special.
  Finally, I still felt I hadnʼt quite found the right dynamic between Data and
  the Baʼku boy.  I liked the idea that they were in effect two “children” who
  overcome distrust to learn from each other.  The story had the potential
  to reinforce one of Roddenberryʼs strongest themes -- that thereʼs room
  in the universe for all kinds of people.  The Baʼkuʼs rejection of
  technology would put Data on the defensive.  I allowed the boyʼs father
  to be prejudiced against Data because he was an android.  And yet the
  boy and Data came together too easily.  I wasnʼt quite sure what to do
  yet so I just moved ahead and knew Iʼd have to come back to them.
  I had absolutely no idea what to call the movie.  Stardust didnʼt work any
  more.  We couldnʼt use Regeneration.  We talked about Prime Directive,
  The Betrayal, Breach of Promise, Dereliction of Duty, The Dishonor,
  High Treason, The Enemy Within, The Resignation, Apostasy and others.
  None of them appealed to us.  For the moment, it was just Star Trek IX.
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  55
  
  Rick loved the new draft (including the La Forge eyesight scene) and for
  the next couple of weeks, he gave me his notes each day and I would
  go off to make changes.
  Iʼve always thought that working with Rick must be what it was like to
  work with a producer like the legendary David O. Selznick
  37.  Selznick
  was famous for having his hands in everything.  Rick has the same
  reputation, and heʼs earned it, but he does it in a extremely effective,
  low-keyed manner.
  He convinces, he doesnʼt order.  He nudges, he gives a little, then he
  nudges again, urging, applying logic, suggesting ways that might satisfy
  him.  His micro-managing comes not from ego, I believe, but from a
  dedication to quality.  Itʼs hard not to like somebody who cares as much
  about your work as you do.
  Note sessions with Rick can be agonizing and at least one writer has
  confided to me that heʼs had nightmares about meetings in which he
  murders Rick.  Rick is a meticulous reader.  So meticulous that one of
  our only serious fights since our partnership started was over the fact
  that he was attacking my prepositions.
  But I pay him the most supreme compliment that any writer can ever pay
  a producer when I say that in the ten years weʼve worked together, Iʼve
  never seen Rick hurt a script.  Every writer in town has had less fortunate
  experiences with producers.  Itʼs one reason why I became a
  “hyphenate” – a writer-producer.
  When I was starting my career, I quickly figured out that producers hire
  and fire writers.  It didnʼt take a genius to see the advantage of being a
  writer and a producer.  On the television side, writers who are successful
  on staff are ultimately rewarded with producer titles.  In feature films, the
  producerʼs club is harder to get into.
  Some producers who are not writers feel that they bring an objective
  view of the entire process that a writer canʼt appreciate.  Some of them
  have even formed a society for the prevention of writer-producers.
  To a degree, I understand their point of view.  My portrait of a good
  producer is a guy who wears a big red “S” on his chest and stands in
  front of me and my screenplay, protecting us from a hail of bullets.  I like
  the safety of that relationship.  But thereʼs also the strong instinct to
  control my own destiny.  So, as my agent negotiated my contract for this
  film, he asked for an executive producer credit.
  The studio promptly turned it down without prejudice.  Their policy was
  simply not to negotiate producing credits for writers.  My agent came
  back and asked for it again.  It was important enough to me to hold up
  the deal to see if I could win this concession.
  Why?  First of all, I felt I deserved an acknowledgement for the efforts I
  put in as Executive Producer of the three television shows that had
  earned this studio a great deal of money.  Second, this might be the best
  chance I would ever have to get a foot in the door as a producer.  I felt
  Rick would support me, up to a point, because of all weʼd been through
  together and I was right.  Eventually, I settled for co-producer.
  Rick and I went through the script line by line.  In a first draft notes
  session with Rick, it was almost unheard of to find a page without notes.
  If one came along, it represented a small triumph.  Then, with each
  passing day, as I delivered revisions, thereʼd be fewer and fewer pages
  with notes until there were none.
  Sometimes I would argue in favor of a line and he would capitulate on
  the first day... only to come back the next day to challenge the same
  line... and if it lived to see another day, heʼd challenge it again.
  Youʼd have to have a very strong conviction about that line not to give in.
  Often, heʼd read a questionable line out loud in a way that would make
  any writer cringe.  But he was always open to argument and if I stood my
  ground, heʼd trust my judgment.
  Rick would bring this same meticulous attitude to the technology in the
  script.  Every technical speech had to sound right.  Every technical plot
  point had to be logical and fully explained so no questions would remain
  unanswered in the audienceʼs mind.  Iʼd been through this routine with
  Rick for years.  He considered solid technology essential to the credibility
  of the franchise.
  For years, the technical consultant on Star Trek has been Andre
  Bormanis.  Andre has a Bachelor of Science in Physics and a Masters
  Degree in Science Technology and Public Policy.  Iʼd send him pages in
  advance with the technical needs noted and heʼd send me memos with
  suggestions.
  Rick and I would go over the memos and try to pick language that made
  sense.  Rick would frequently discard dozens of suggestions until the
  technobabble sounded right to him.
  Iʼd write all the technical dialogue as well as I could.  The secret, I always
  told writers, was not to depend on the technobabble to explain anything.
  Itʼs there for decoration.  Make sure the audience can understand whatʼs
  going on despite the technobabble.  I knew the actors hated technical
  dialogue (on the TV show, they used to call it “Piller filler”).
  And I knew as sure as I sat there that when the picture was done that
  Rick would come out of the screening room, as he always did, and glare
  at me and say, “Thereʼs too much technobabble in this film!”
  And weʼd try to cut some out.  But at this point in the process, he always
  insisted that I close every techno-hole in the script.  And I did.
  By November 15th, I had a draft that he felt was ready to send to the
  studio:
  {insert Nov. 15th script}
  NOVEMBER 1997
  PRODUCER
  56
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  37 Selznickʼs numerous production credits included “Gone with the Wind”, “The Prisoner of
  Zenda”, “A Tale of Two Cities”, “King Kong”, -- 73 feature films in all.
  
  This was the first draft of the script that the studio had seen and their
  response was very enthusiastic.  Don Granger called to say he thought
  it had the best character work in a Star Trek feature script since the whale
  movie and a deep humanistic quality in the best Roddenberry tradition.
  Michelle Manning told Rick that sheʼd never connected emotionally to
  any of the Star Trek storylines, but she loved this one.  John Goldwyn
  particularly liked the relationship between Data and the alien boy.
  Everyoneʼs favorite scene seemed to be the one in which Geordi saw his
  first sunrise.
  Don Granger assembled the creative notes from all the studio executives
  and put them into one memo that arrived about a week later:
  TO:
  STAR TREK TEAM
  December 3, 1997
  FROM:
  PARAMOUNT PICTURES
  RE:
  STAR TREK IX - notes on the 11/15/97 draft
  We are very excited by the first draft of STAR TREK IX.  Easily the
  funniest and sexiest Star Trek story to date, the wonderful reinventionʼs
  of the central characters also make this the most human.  Having the
  crew explore the benefits and pitfalls of youth is completely refreshing,
  and elevates the story beyond traditional science fiction. We finally got
  to see Rikerʼs and Troiʼs love affair; Geordiʼs first sunset; and Dataʼs
  “childhood.” Our primary concern lies with exploring these new
  characterizations completely, while retaining all the excitement of the
  genre.  As we are dealing with “sacred ground,” we would like to fully
  service the changes in our leads so that none are shortchanged.
  Similarly, we want to balance the wonderful human drama with enhanced
  science fiction elements that appeal to our core audience.  Our thoughts
  are organized as follows: firmly establishing the stakes for the Federation
  and Picard; making the SonʼA a more imposing villain; enhancing some
  of the transformations in our lead characters; and making sense of some
  of the science fiction elements.  Please note that we are extremely
  pleased with the progress so far and all these notes should be viewed
  in that context.
  THE STAKES
  We need to increase the stakes for both the Federation and Picard.  As
  written, only six hundred BaʼKu are in jeopardy and, in the Star Trek
  universe, the problems of six hundred people donʼt really amount to all
  that much.  We are concerned that Picardʼs noble defense of this small
  group is not broad enough to drive the next installment in the franchise.
  Even in Star Trek IV, the most “human” of the Star Trek movies, Earth
  itself perishes if Kirk fails to capture and bring back the whales.  Weʼll
  discuss below fashioning the SonʼA into a more formidable threat, but we
  would like to start thinking of ways to expand the scope of the story.  Letʼs
  discuss.
  We would also like to consider tying the macro stakes of the story to
  Picardʼs personal stakes.  Currently, Picard takes action primarily on
  principle, but it might resonate better if we feel he has more at stake
  personally.  Perhaps, Picard and Dougherty share more of a backstory.
  Dougherty apparently represents a faction of the Federation who feels
  the Prime Directive is an antiquated concept in light of the Federationʼs
  many recent  challenges.  Similar to the moment when the Roman
  Empire began to shift towards dictatorship, the Federation stands at a
  crossroads.  In FIRST CONTACT, Picard preserved the Federationʼs
  origins, perhaps now he is called upon to save its future.  Whatever we
  decide, it is important that we really feel Picardʼs dilemma.
  Letʼs clearly explain the extent and nature of the conspiracy within the
  Federation.  Dougherty alludes to this unspoken agreement on behalf of
  the Federationʼs senior Council members but never specifies or
  articulates the breadth of the conspiracy.  How many Council members
  are corrupt?  Is it an Oliver North-CIA type arrangement?  Is the
  Councilʼs goal just to get the benefits from the technology or do they
  need to make alliances, however evil, to protect themselves against
  further incursions into Federation space?  What are the consequences
  to the Federation if this experiment, and alliance, fails?  Clarifying the
  ramifications and magnitude of the conspiracy will help further
  define the stakes of the movie.
  We would like to better establish why the future of six hundred BaʼKu is
  so important.  Currently it is unclear why Picard is so passionate about
  the future of this particular race.  The “blood feud” between a few
  hundred SonʼA and six hundred BaʼKu seems like nothing more than a
  gang fight.  Numerous civilizations have been eliminated by previous
  Star Trek megalomaniacs, so what makes the BaʼKu special?  To be
  blunt, with only six hundred people in the gene pool, the BaʼKu would
  inbreed themselves into extinction in a few generations.  Perhaps, their
  settlement is larger.  Or maybe, the normally passive BaʼKu provide
  Picard with a fantastic new battle technology in the third act.  This would
  make them a more active participant in the finale and more important to
  the story.  However we proceed, the future of the BaʼKu needs to be
  crucial to the big picture in a fundamental way.  Letʼs discuss.
  THE SONʼA
  The SonʼA can be more active throughout the story.  As rendered, the
  SonʼA are not yet distinct villains and they largely disappear in the
  second act.  RuʼAfoʼs agenda becomes clear in the third act but, because
  the SonʼA play such a minor role in the middle of the story, we are not as
  invested in their comeuppance.  Their eventual defeat needs to be
  visually exciting and viscerally satisfying.  Letʼs look for moments where
  we can learn more about the SonʼA and show them as a greater threat.
  This establishes the stakes sooner and gives the final conflict added
  tension.  For example:
  Can  we use Riker and Troiʼs brief investigation (p.20) to convey more
  information about the SonʼA?  The few tidbits we get do not effectively
  establish the SonʼAʼs power, capability or size.  What significant battles
  have they won?  How have they distinguished themselves as a race?
  Does the entire population travel in the four ships?  If so, does Riker kill
  half their population when he destroys the two ships?  If it takes a few
  hundred to man a ship, how many SonʼA exist?  If they are only a few
  hundred strong, why does the Federation need them as allies?  Letʼs
  use this scene to establish who the SonʼA are and what they represent.
  We would like RuʼAfo to take control sooner.  As written, RuʼAfo does
  not really take charge until he kills Dougherty (p112).  Up to this point, it
  is still unclear whether Dougherty or RuʼAfo is the central villain.
  Perhaps, after Dougherty is unable to subdue Picard (pp.51 and 68)
  RuʼAfo unequivocally takes charge.  Dougherty objects but, being fully
  immersed in the conspiracy, his threats ring hollow.  As RuʼAfo points
  out, the last thing the Federation needs is another conflict.  This should
  embolden RuʼAfo to do whatever he wants.  This definitive seizure of
  power would clearly establish RuʼAfo as a more serious threat earlier in
  the story.
  Similarly, letʼs understand why RuʼAfo orders reinforcements (p.60).
  Currently, the three large SonʼA ships appear for no apparent reason.
  Has RuʼAfo already decided on a course of action?  Is this a contingency
  because Dougherty cannot control Picard?
  Or, is this part of the experiment that Picard was not supposed to see?
  Letʼs clarify.
  Also, it is unclear why RuʼAfo apparently changes tactics when the Sonʼa
  attack Picard and the BaʼKu (p.81)?  Have his intentions changed?  Is he
  now trying to kill Picard and his crew?  At this point for RuʼAfo, death or
  evacuation serve the same purpose.  We should know when and why he
  decided to change his course of action.  This would help illustrate how
  far the conflict has escalated at this point.
  The SonʼA should always be aware of Picardʼs movements.  Currently,
  Picard not only turns the Enterprise around without anyone noticing, but
  he and Data examine the cloaked ship without any interference.  This
  lack of awareness undermines the SonʼA as an adversary, and
  dissipates any dramatic tension these scenes might provide.
  Letʼs show that RuʼAfo is constantly mindful of Picardʼs movements and
  is very close to taking action.
  The SonʼA should also possess technology equal to or superior to the
  Enterprise. Other than the metaphasic technology, the SonʼA do not
  seem any more intimidating (and possibly less so) than the Romulans,
  Klingons, or Cardassians.  After the decked out Enterprise E destroyed
  two Borg ships in FIRST CONTACT, how much of a threat are two SonʼA
  ships going to be?  Perhaps we can establish that the SonʼA have had
  to develop a sophisticated arsenal to survive for this long.  Or perhaps,
  they can navigate in the Briar Patch, giving them a tactical advantage
  over the Enterprise.  As a nomadic race, the SonʼA would have to adapt
  to the many threats of the galaxy.  Letʼs discover these weapons early
  in the movie, so that the audience knows that the SonʼA are not to be
  trifled with.
  REACTIONS
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  57
  
  We would also like to understand why the SonʼAʼs ships are shielded
  from the effects of the star.  Understandably, they need protection from
  the starʼs radiation after the experiment, but wouldnʼt they want the
  benefits in the interim?  The goal of RuʼAfo and Dougherty is to extend
  their respective life spans.  Why wouldnʼt they start immediately?  Why
  does RuʼAfo continue to undergo the plastic surgery?  Is their aggressive
  behavior enhanced by the Patch?  It might make more sense if they
  lower their shields and start drinking from the fountain immediately.
  Then, their intransigence to yield to Picard would be easily
  understandable.  Letʼs discuss.
  DOING WHAT STAR TREK DOES BEST
  Letʼs also look at expanding our major action set pieces and introducing
  the next generation of elaborate gadgets.  We are thrilled that the human
  drama is given equal footing in this story, but we also want to have as
  much fun with the action sequences as possible.  The cataclysmic space
  battles and new technologies are among “what Star Trek does best.”  As
  we only have one large ship battle in the movie, letʼs be sure that the
  other set pieces are just as exciting.  For example:
  Perhaps we can turn the shuttle battle sequence into a rousing dogfight
  (p.25).  As written, this confrontation feels like many of the other shuttle
  battles we have seen on the various television series.  Letʼs use this set
  piece to build the tension in the first act.  This would be a great
  opportunity to see a fun, small ship battle in a Star Trek movie.
  In addition, maybe Picard brings with him some great new toys when he
  goes to the planet (p.69).  Like the phaser rifles and space suits in FIRST
  CONTACT, the Star Trek fans love seeing new technology.  Perhaps,
  Picard possesses a sophisticated magnetic pulse weapon or a really
  intricate personal shield system.  Whatever we decide, Picard should
  have devices that offset the numerical advantage of the SonʼA.
  We should make every effort to make the scooter sequence (p.98)
  distinctive from the Endor woods sequence in RETURN OF THE JEDI.
  Letʼs discuss changing the anti-grav scooters to some other levitated
  cycle or hovercraft to avoid any undue comparisons.
  We would like Rikerʼs battle with the two SonʼA ships to be as riveting as
  any Star Trek battle to date.  As mentioned above, because the SonʼA
  are not yet much of a threat, this battle is not particularly dramatic.  Also,
  because the ships are moving slowly, the battle does not seem that
  thrilling.  What would happen if Riker jumped to warp, or full impulse
  power in the Briar Patch?  Perhaps, Riker creates an ingenious
  navigation trick, similar to the Picard Maneuver or Kirkʼs defeat of Khan,
  that confounds the SonʼA and becomes known as the Riker Maneuver.
  However the battle is choreographed, this should be a defining sequence
  for the movie.
  We would also like RuʼAfoʼs defeat to be as cinematic as possible.  As
  stated above, as the stakes increase and the SonʼA develop into a more
  prominent enemy, their defeat will become more satisfying.  That said,
  we also want to ensure that the final confrontation is as explosive as
  possible.  Perhaps, in the holo-battle RuʼAfo not only destroys the yacht,
  but the Enterprise as well.  Although a tried and true device, the
  explosion of the Enterprise is always dramatic.  Similar to the Next
  Generation episode, “Cause & Effect,” (#118) this explosion will seem
  real and therefore, shocking.  When it turns out to be a clever ruse, the
  audience will cheer Picardʼs ingenuity and RuʼAfoʼs subsequent
  destruction.  Letʼs discuss.
  PACE AND MOMENTUM
  We are concerned that the story loses momentum in the second act.  As
  written, the first act is engrossing but, following the shuttle battle, the
  story occasionally lacks a sense of urgency.  What is driving this section
  of the story?  What does Picard suspect?  Where are the SonʼA?  We
  would like the tension between Picard and RuʼAfo and Dougherty to
  continually build in this section.  As mentioned above, as the stakes and
  the action sequences grow, the movie will have more force but we might
  also look at the following areas to help drive the middle of the story:
  Perhaps Picard tells the Enterprise to commence freeing the hostages
  after Data is retrieved (p.33).  This could make for a better transition to
  the away team going to the planet surface and builds on the momentum
  of the first act.  Also, letʼs clarify what the Enterprise crew expects on
  the planet surface.  Do they think Data is in league with the BaʼKu, or that
  he, alone, is detaining the hostages?  Letʼs make this clear.  If the crew
  expects confrontation on the surface, this will add to the tension.
  Can we smooth the transition between Dataʼs recollection of the events
  and Picardʼs return to the planet (p.43)?  This change seems abrupt and
  inexplicable.  What makes Picard turn around?  Letʼs make this shift
  more dramatic.  Letʼs see Picard ordering the ship about.  Perhaps we
  could include reaction shots from RuʼAfo and Dougherty when told that
  Picard is heading back.  The distrust between Picard and the SonʼA
  should grow in this scene.  Letʼs discuss.
  Perhaps, we can also show alarms sounding on RuʼAfoʼs ship when
  Picard and Data approach the cloaked ship (p.46).  As stated above,
  RuʼAfo should be aware of this intrusion.  By driving Picard and RuʼAfo
  closer to a confrontation, the tension in the second act will remain
  heightened.
  On a similar note, maybe we can again cut to Dougherty and RuʼAfoʼs
  reaction to Picardʼs investigation (p.48).  Perhaps, this is when they start
  formulating a contingency plan to eliminate the Enterprise.  If Dougherty
  has carte blanche from the Council, wouldnʼt he go to all lengths to
  ensure success?  As we continue to see the battle lines drawn, the
  drama of this section increases.
  Letʼs make Doughertyʼs orders to Picard more forceful (p.51).  Dougherty
  should pull rank on Picard at this point and issue a direct order.  Picardʼs
  refusal to obey then becomes even more incendiary, leading up to their
  confrontation.
  Perhaps, RuʼAfo takes a defensive posture at this point.  As mentioned
  above, now that Picard has directly refused Doughertyʼs order, RuʼAfo
  realizes that he must take charge.  Maybe, he sends troops to the
  surface to guard the cloaked ship, or goes to yellow alert.  Letʼs continue
  to show that the situation is escalating towards a showdown.
  We would like to make Picardʼs conversation with Dougherty (pp.61-65)
  more electric.  As written, we are unsure whether Picardʼs decision to
  rebel is completely earned.  Perhaps, the end of this conversation can
  be more emotionally charged, with Dougherty threatening to remove
  Picard from Command if he does not submit immediately.  When Picard
  ultimately relieves himself of command, the gravity of the situation will be
  much more dramatic and understandable.  Letʼs discuss.
  MAIN CHARACTERS
  Riker & Troi
  We would like to fully explore Rikerʼs and Troiʼs love affair.  As rendered,
  the moments they share are funny and often sexy, but we are concerned
  that the more serious aspects of their relationship are never fully
  addressed.  For years, the palpable sexual tension between them has
  begged for resolution, so their consummation should carry a great deal
  of weight.  If we play this simply for laughs, the significance of their
  reunion might be lost.  Without detracting from the humor of their scenes,
  letʼs show more of their love affair and give it a proper resolution.  For
  example:
  Letʼs uncover more of Troiʼs feelings about the resumption of their
  relationship. Currently, their shameless flirting at the beginning
  undermines Troi because she comes across like a vacuous teenager,
  rather than the sophisticated woman we know her to be.  It might be
  more interesting if she resists Rikerʼs initial advances - if only to continue
  the game they have played for the past seven years.  Troi should be
  apprehensive about taking this leap.  Letʼs show more of her perspective,
  so that we know she does not take this decision lightly.
  Similarly, we would like Riker to work harder in seducing Troi.  In Troiʼs
  office, Riker oafishly kisses Troi and a few scenes later, they are in post-
  coital bliss.  Is Troi this easy?  This moment should be earned.  The Briar
  Patch brings out Rikerʼs youthful exuberance, so letʼs see him really
  sweep Troi off her feet.  As mentioned above, maybe Troi does not give
  in at first - making Riker more determined.  Perhaps, this is why he
  shaves his beard - to literally become the man he once was.  Maybe,
  Riker becomes more daring in an attempt to impress Troi.  Riker knows
  that seducing Troi takes sophistication, nuance and effort.  Whatever his
  course of action, the consummation of this relationship should be well
  deserved.
  We should also clarify whether Riker and Troiʼs amorous feelings are
  natural or created by the Briar Patch.  As written, it is unclear whether the
  energy fluctuations created these feelings, or if the Briar Patch simply
  weakened their resistance - the equivalent of an interstellar vodka tonic.
  Letʼs show that these feelings have always been prevalent, and that the
  Briar Patch simply undermines their previous resolve.  At the end of the
  movie, we want to be sure this affair was meant to be.
  On that note, we need a more definitive resolution to Rikerʼs and Troiʼs
  storyline.  Following their brief kiss (p.69), their affair is never again
  discussed.  Unlike Worfʼs puberty or Picardʼs hair, the consequences of
  this affair do not dissipate once the Enterprise leaves the Briar Patch.
  After they leave, will Riker and Troi revert to their previous dynamic, or
  is this the beginning of the next chapter in their relationship?  Letʼs
  address their future.  Perhaps, we can create more moments between
  them in the second and third acts.  Or maybe, we could include a scene
  58
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  or moment at the end that clearly indicates the direction of their
  relationship.  This affair has taken so long to materialize that it requires
  a definite conclusion.  Letʼs discuss.
  Worf
  Letʼs consider giving Worf more to do.  As rendered, Worf is too often an
  observer to the action, rather than a participant.  Because he is such a
  popular character, we would like Worf to be actively involved in the story.
  Letʼs see more of Worfʼs expertise in solving problems, and take further
  advantage of his hilarious, yet often unintentional, moments.  Worf
  delivers some of the best lines in this movie.  For example:
  Can we create more embarrassing moments from Worfʼs puberty than
  just pimples, drowsiness and hair growth?  We witness a few of his
  innocuous bodily functions, but what are the other effects of puberty on
  a Klingon?  While Worfʼs gorch is amusing,  maybe we could get a bigger
  laugh from a more obviously teenage moment.  Additionally, Worf would
  be perplexed by the blemish.  “I havenʼt had one of these in years... I
  swear.”  Then, when he later experiences out of control hair growth, he
  grumbles out loud, “if figures that, of all of us, only I would get the
  downside of youth.”  Letʼs really experience the humor and humanity of
  this proud warriorʼs awkward regression.
  Also, we would like to consider increasing Worfʼs role in the shuttle battle
  (p.25).  As mentioned above, this scene can serve as a fun action
  sequence but it can also show Worf at his best.  Perhaps, feeling the
  effects of the Briar Patch, Worf assumes control from Picard and
  aggressively takes the fight to Data.  Or maybe Worf, and not Picard,
  deduces that a tachyon burst will force Data to reset his shields (p.28).
  Or, on a different tone, perhaps Worfʼs weak stomach betrays him in the
  heat of battle and he is forced to excuse himself while the dogfight
  continues.  Maybe Worf even tries to give Picard instructions while
  stifling the urge to get sick.  Whatever we decide, we should make this
  exciting sequence replete with moments that are particular to Worf.
  On a side note, letʼs provide a better explanation for Worf coming to the
  Enterprise.  As written, Worf comes aboard to discuss security
  arrangements for the Manzar colonies.  This seems too convenient.
  Letʼs think of a clever reason for him to be pulled from Deep Space Nine.
  Perhaps a celebration or a promotion of one of Worfʼs former ensignʼs.
  Worfʼs inclusion should be important and necessary.
  Beverly
  Like Worf, we would like Beverly to be a more significant character in
  the story.  Beverly has played a relatively minor role in the previous two
  movies and perhaps we can find more for her to do in this story.  As
  written, Beverly enjoys a few, good brief exchanges with Troi, but
  remains essentially in the background for most of the story.  Letʼs
  increase her presence throughout.  For example:
  Perhaps, Beverly helps Geordi with his examination of Data (p.41).  As
  the shipʼs doctor and part-time forensic expert, she could help analyze
  Dataʼs recent meltdown.
  Maybe, Beverly and Worf engage the SonʼA in the fight sequence on the
  trail (p.83).  Perhaps, the energy from the Patch enables Beverly to
  complete some old combat training that she was never able to finish at
  the Academy.  The reinvigorated Beverly, and the now aggressive Worf,
  team to dispose of the SonʼA threat together.
  Perhaps, Beverly helps Data with his fascination of children.  As the only
  parent of our central characters, maybe she tells Data a brief anecdote
  about raising Wesley that further shows Data the unadulterated joy of
  being a child.
  On a different tact, perhaps Beverly gets a little envious of Anijʼs
  connection with Picard.  Beverly and Picardʼs affair used to be a great
  source of tension on the show.  Maybe Picardʼs new hairline and her
  renewed spirit rekindle amorous feelings in Beverly.  Although she tries
  to suppress them, maybe an occasional comment slips out.
  Barclay
  We would like to consider reducing Barclayʼs role and filling this void
  with Beverly, Worf, or a new character.  Barclay had a great cameo in
  FIRST CONTACT, but his popularity is questionable.  The cheers from
  his appearance were more of the, “hey great, they included everybody”
  variety than effusive Barclay support.  As mentioned above, both Worf
  and Beverly could  benefit from more time on screen.  Worf, in particular,
  might be a more natural choice in aiding Riker in his battle with the SonʼA
  ships.  However, this might be another opportunity for Beverly to reinvent
  herself.  Or, similar to Hawkʼs appearance in FIRST CONTACT, perhaps
  we could create an original character who would play a significant role
  in the next movie.  Letʼs discuss.
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  59
  
  MISC. TREK STUFF
  Letʼs clarify how the aging process on the planet works.  As written, it is
  unclear who is affected by this process, and at what age this reversal
  begins.  How are the BaʼKu children affected?  At what rate do they
  grow?  Is Artim really twelve?  Since the plausibility of this process is
  crucial, it needs to be clear and make sense.
  Can we provide a complete description of the pitfalls of traveling through
  the Briar Patch.  Although Picard briefly describes the region (p.16), it is
  unclear why this part of space is so difficult to traverse.  What happens
  if you go faster than one-third impulse power?  How does it interfere with
  navigation?  Perhaps, Picard gives a more thorough analysis of the
  Patch in this scene.  Then the battlefield will be more clearly drawn in the
  final confrontations.
  We would like to state the Prime Directive early in the story.  Although
  most fans have heard the Directive many times before, the casual
  movie-goʼer might be unaware of the policy.  Perhaps, in RuʼAfoʼs first
  conversation with Dougherty (p.13), we can articulate the Prime Directive
  and explain why the duck blind is necessary.  Perhaps we can also
  explain why such brief observation periods are mandated.
  Letʼs start thinking about possible cameos for DS9 and Voyager cast
  members.  These were extremely popular in FIRST CONTACT and
  might provide for some great moments in this movie.
  A few minor Picard notes:
  1.
  Can Picard offer a better explanation for initially disobeying orders
  (p.12)?  As rendered, it seems out of character for Picard to have such
  casual disregard for procedure.  In battle, Picard has been allowed
  some latitude to maneuver, but he should have a more plausible
  justification for going after Data.  Picard is a stickler for duty, and we
  might want to alter the tone of his conversation with Geordi to reflect
  that, under certain circumstances, bending the rules is allowed.
  2.
  Letʼs make Picard issues a more formal apology to the BaʼKu for the
  intrusion (p.36).  Picard has always been the vanguard for upholding
  the Prime Directive.  It would be totally in his character to be contrite
  for the Federationʼs recent actions and leave as quickly as possible.
  This creates trust between Picard and the BaʼKu, and also
  establishes Picardʼs position on the sanctity of the Prime Directive.
  Letʼs discuss.
  Page Notes:
  1.
  (p.1) - Letʼs make it clear how long the Federation and SonʼA have
  been observing the BaʼKu.
  **
  We would like to see the sketches of the BaʼKuʼs appearance as
  soon as you are ready.
  2.
  (p.4) - Are there any signs that Data has received an external
  wound?
  3.
  (p.4) - Letʼs make it clear that the action is going on unbeknownst to
  the BaʼKu.
  4.
  (p.11) - Letʼs clarify why Data is needed for this mission.
  5.
  (p.24) - Is Dougherty telling Picard the truth, or is he intentionally
  misleading him?
  6.
  (p.28) - In Picard and Worfʼs dialogue, letʼs fully explain the tachyon
  burst so that when they use it again in the finale, the audience clearly
  knows this is the correct course of action.
  7.
  (p.31) - It is unclear why Picard and Worf must destroy Data if they
  do not act immediately.
  8.
  (p.36) - are the BaʼKu upset at being spied upon?  Should there be
  some reference to their feelings in this situation?  They might come
  across as soft if they have no reaction at all.
  9.
  (p.41) - When was Geordi previously not feeling well?  Letʼs make
  this more clear.
  10. (p.52) - Dataʼs punchline is great, but perhaps he should say the
  complete line.
  11. (p.60) - Can we show the contentment on Picardʼs face as he shares
  this moment with Geordi?  Seeing Picardʼs satisfaction at the end of
  this scene makes his decision to reject Doughertyʼs plan that much
  more dramatic.
  12. (p.60) - Where did the SonʼA ships come from?  Have they been
  there all this time?  Why does RuʼAfo call for the reinforcements?
  Letʼs clarify.
  13. (p.66) - Why is RuʼAfo still getting the treatments?  We need to
  explain why the SonʼA still have their shields up against the
  metaphasic energy they so crave.
  14. (p.67) - How is Riker aware of Picardʼs agenda?  Picard has been in
  civilian clothes on other away missions, so why does Riker
  immediately assume command?  This needs to be more clear.
  15. (p. 79 & 82) - Gallatin orders the SonʼA phasers on stun on p. 79, but
  in the battle, the SonʼA seem to be shooting to kill.  We need a better
  understanding of how intense the conflict is at this juncture.
  16. (p.88) - Letʼs make sure to payoff Artimʼs fear of being ostracized
  later in the script.
  17. (p.106) - Again, are the SonʼA phasers set to stun or kill?  This can
  be more clear.
  18. (p.113) - What Starfleet personnel have quarters on the SonʼA ship?
  Letʼs clarify.
  Okay, hereʼs another one of those critical moments where the decisions
  you make can change the entire direction of the movie.  Ask yourself what
  youʼd have done as the writer at this juncture.  There are only three months
  left before production begins so the choices you make better be good ones.
  The notes from Patrick and the studio raised several difficult questions
  that Rick and I had to consider.  At the core was the most fundamental
  question of all: was this ʻchange of paceʼ of ours too much of a change
  of pace?  Were the stakes too low?  Was the story too soft?  Was the
  action too small?  Everybody had endorsed our original plan to emulate
  the warm and funny Star Trek: The Voyage Home but would it be possible
  to do that kind of movie without sacrificing the “position of action heroes”
  that Patrick felt strongly about?  If so, should we abandon this latest
  structure and re-build it once more -- this time as a stronger adventure
  story?
  Rick and I hated the notion of undertaking structural revisions just as we
  were about to begin prep.  That would create chaos for all the production
  people.  Plus we still felt we were telling the story we wanted to tell in an
  effective manner.  But was it, as Patrick put it, “an extended episode of
  the series” (a description that would be repeated by others later on.)
  Yes, I had to admit this story would play well on television -- television
  shows often focus on character -- more so, I think, than contemporary
  action movies do.  But at the same time, I continued to feel there had
  been many great films, some of which Iʼve already mentioned here like
  The Seven Samurai and Lawrence of Arabia, that created sweeping
  epics from similar stakes.  I believed this story could fill the big screen. 
  As the day ended after a long meeting, Rick, Jonathan and I decided
  that we would protect the basic structure of the script but that each and
  every action sequence would be revised until everyone was happy with
  the level and quality of action in the picture.  And to heighten the stakes,
  there would be no suggestion that elderly members of the Federation
  council were doing this out of personal motives.  We would make it clear
  in Dougherty and Picardʼs confrontation that this represented an internal
  crisis for the Federation -- it was an attack, Picard would say, on its very
  soul.
  The rest of the notes would be easier to solve by comparison.  Our
  course firmly set, I went back to my office and started making revisions.
  These revisions would continue until four weeks before the picture
  opened in theaters...  
  60
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  61
  
  PREP
  As pre-production got underway, changes, large and small, were made
  every day.  Space precludes me from taking you through each new draft
  of the script.  Instead, Iʼll concentrate now on the specific sequences that
  required the bulk of our attention before they were ready to go before the
  camera.
  It would take about three months to prepare the script for production.
  This would be the responsibility of Executive Producer/Production
  Manager Marty Hornstein who reported to Rick.  (In features, a producer
  outranks an Executive Producer; in television, itʼs the reverse.  I have no
  idea why.)  Martyʼs first job was to budget the current screenplay to see
  how much it would cost to produce as written.
  He started with a “breakdown” of the script, scene by scene -- essentially
  a list of everything that would be necessary to make the movie, including
  the number of actors, extras, costumes, wigs, props, sets, the amount of
  film, camera equipment, etc., as well as the number of behind-the-
  scenes crew necessary to make things happen -- everyone from
  assistant directors to food caterers.  He sent the script to the department
  heads who needed it to prepare cost estimates. Script distribution
  included the production designer, the set designers, the art department
  staff, the costume designers, the hair and make-up designers, the
  construction team, the camera department, the post production and
  visual effects people, the transportation department, the distant location
  scouts, the casting personnel and many more -- eventually, over a
  hundred people.
  As soon as the script was distributed, a synopsis of it showed up on the
  Internet.
  Hollywood gossip isnʼt new but the net has brought a new and disturbing
  twist by creating public impressions and opinions of a product that isnʼt
  even a product yet.  Some individuals who run their own entertainment
  web sites go to extraordinary lengths to get their hands on unfinished
  scripts or sneak into test screenings of unfinished films.  They want the
  “honor” of being the first to preview the new movie.
  Whoever wrote the synopsis of the script did a lousy job.  Have you ever
  heard someone try to explain a joke?  Well, thatʼs what it was like to read
  his description of my script.  Readers on the net responded by posting
  messages in Star Trek bulletin boards saying how unhappy they were
  about the new movie.  I started getting angry letters.  Some were from
  people outraged that Picard would have a romance with anyone other
  than Beverly Crusher (thereʼd been sexual tension between them in the
  past).  One letter was even from an unhappy librarian who condemned
  me for perpetuating a negative stereotype of librarians.
  Harmless?  Up to a point.  But later, Entertainment Weekly would quote
  these sentiments in an article that said fans were not enthusiastic about
  the upcoming “kinder, gentler Trek ”
  38 film.  So, now an opinion on a
  movie that had never been seen by anyone because it didnʼt even exist
  yet was being passed on to a national readership.
  Weʼre talking about Buzz.  Buzz can kill a movie before it ever opens.  I
  donʼt know what to do about Buzz.  But I know, in the creative process,
  I have to ignore it.  Which is what I did.
  ACTION
  My first priority was to add an action beat with Picard, Data and Anij in
  the middle of the script.  That seemed to be everyoneʼs first note.
  Rick and I decided that when Data had taken the hostages on the planet,
  some Sonʼa officers at the cloaked holoship might have managed to
  elude him.  They could still be there waiting to be rescued by Ruʼafo.
  When our heroes find the ship, it could lead to action.  But to make it
  unique and “original,” we decided to hide the ship on the bottom of a
  lake instead of a meadow:
  EXT. PLANET SURFACE - DAY
  39
  Picard, Data and the Ba’ku have climbed down to the
  lakeside where Data is exploring with a tricorder...
  DATA
  Captain, 
  I’m 
  showing 
  a 
  massive
  hydrothermal flow... it’s interfering
  with other tricorder functions...
  PICARD
  Hydrothermal flow?
  ANIJ
  There’s a network of underground
  aquifers running off the lake...
  PICARD
  Is there any access?
  ANIJ
  Not 
  since 
  the 
  damn 
  was
  constructed... there’s no way to
  get in...
  ARTIM
  Yes, there is...
  Off their reactions...
  ANGLE BY THE WATERFALL
  as Artim leads Picard, Data, Anij and Sojef along a
  dangerous precipice under the falls... behind them the
  rest of the Ba’ku watch from a safe vantage point...
  ARTIM
  We come down here all the time...
  As they enter an open cavern, a stream of water
  flowing out along the bottom...
  SOJEF
  When we get back, you and I are
  going 
  to 
  have 
  a 
  talk 
  about
  boundaries, Artim...
  INT. CAVERN - DAY
  Data and Picard use palm beacons to light the way...
  the walls are dripping wet and there is only a narrow
  path surrounded by muddy water oozing it’s way toward
  the waterfall...  stalactites and stalagmites and
  other dripping stones are all over... colorless
  crustaceans and massive beetles scatter away from the
  feet of the people as they move along the path...
  DATA
  Sir...
  He moves to an odd print he sees on the ground...
  Picard examines it with him...
  DATA
  This print would have been made by
  the boot of one of the isolation
  suits.
  PICARD
  Like the one you were wearing that day?
  PRE-PRODUCTION
  December 1997 - March 1998
  62
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  38 Entertainment Weekly, Oct. 2, 1998
  39 Artim, the alien boy, has just pointed out where he saw the first shots fired...
  
  DATA
  Yessir.
  They move deeper in...
  WIDE SHOT - A GALLERIE OF A CAVE SYSTEM (MATTE SHOT -
  (OPTICAL)
  as they move deeper in...
  THE PALM BEACON BEAM
  shining on the wet walls... moves to a chamber... and
  reflects off something metal...
  PICARD
  reacts, moves the group toward the chamber... as they
  enter...
  INT. CHAMBER - CONTINUOUS
  to see they have been transformed into ad hoc
  quarters... with a couple of bunks, some high tech
  equipment, even a stove... the metal reflection came
  from a pot of beans on the stove...
  ARTIM
  I didn’t know this was down here.
  DATA
  Neither did I.
  PICARD
  There was nothing about this in
  your mission agenda?
  Data casually inspects the pot of beans.
  DATA
  Nossir.  I believe we should depart
  the premises, sir.
  PICARD
  Why?
  DATA
  The beans are still hot.
  Picard reacts and begins to move the people out...
  INT. CAVERN - CONTINUOUS (OPTICAL)
  but as they come out... they are fired on by two Son’a
  officers... as the shots miss and hit the cave walls,
  water comes out of the holes they make... Picard and
  Data pull their phasers and fire as Sojef grabs Artim
  and all retreat into the darkness now punctuated by
  plasma charges...
  NEW ANGLE - (OPTICAL)
  as our group finds themselves backed into a smaller
  cave...
  PICARD
  Apparently you didn’t take the
  entire mission team hostage when
  you went crazy, Commander...
  DATA
  A significant oversight.  I am
  sorry, sir.  As I said, the
  hydrothermal flow interfered with
  sensor...
  He’s interrupted by several blasts from the Son’a
  outside their entrance... the shots hit the wall
  behind them which breaks apart and water begins to
  fill the room...
  SOJEF
  Artim!
  The boy disappears into the flowing water as it fills
  the cave...  Data virtually dives in and brings him
  out gasping for breath... Anij struggles to keep her
  head above the water as it quickly rises, filling the
  chamber... they try to make their way to the only
  exit... but as they do, the Son’a outside fire at them
  preventing their escape... the water is up to their
  necks 
  now... 
  and 
  Picard 
  desperately 
  seeks 
  a
  solution... he sees...
  P.O.V. - THE CEILING
  A strong trickle of water coming from one spot just
  outside the exit to the chamber...
  RESUME PICARD - (OPTICAL)
  as he aims his phaser...
  PICARD
  Data!
  Data understands, hands Artim back to Sojef and aims
  his phaser at the same spot... they fire together...
  ANGLE - THE CEILING - (OPTICAL)
  as the phaser fire hits it... it blasts open a hole
  that sends muddy water pouring down and then the force
  of that water pushes the hole wider...
  THE SON’A
  react as they see the hole’s about to collapse... and
  they start to retreat but...
  A LARGE SECTION OF THE CEILING
  caves in... and a huge force of water falls into the
  cavern...
  THE SON’A
  disappear into a muddy deluge that swallows them up
  and clearly kills them...
  ANGLE
  as the first burst of water subsides and the flow
  evens out... Picard pulls Anij and Data helps Sojef
  and Artim out of the water... but the cavern has been
  turned into a raging river... yelling...
  ANIJ
  How do we get out now?
  PICARD
  Hold on to me...
  She grabs on in the intimate hug that jeopardy
  brings... and Picard eases out into the flow of water
  and lets the current take him... Data follows suit
  with Artim and Sojef, the latter not enjoying being
  intimate with an android.  Off his unhappy look --
  DATA
  I am capable of floating in the event of an emergency,
  sir.  It would be wise for you to hold on.
  Sojef knows a good idea when he hears one... and they
  move into the water and let the current take them...
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  63
  
  EXT. WATERFALL - DAY
  as they all come out in the new river and fall over
  the waterfall and splash harmlessly in the water
  several yards below... other Ba’ku move to rescue
  them...
  WITH PICARD AND ANIJ
  bonded together by water... get their bearings... she
  looks to him with appreciation...
  ANIJ
  You can let go now.
  He grins lightly and does... Data, Sojef and Artim
  are pulled up on shore by others... from above, at the
  damn --
  BA’KU#2
  Sojef, look at this!  In the lake!
  Picard and Anij look up and start to climb up to see
  what he’s talking about...
  ANGLE
  as they get to the top of the damn and look to see...
  THE LAKE - (OPTICAL)
  is slowly draining... revealing a mud-covered cloaked
  ship...
  Rick called me a week or so after I wrote the new sequence.
  “I went to a preview of Titanic last night.”
  “Is it as good as they say?”
  “Itʼs amazing.  But itʼs three hours of people trying to keep their heads
  above water.”
  “Ours is muddy water.”
  “Itʼs still water.”
  “I could change it to mud.  Thick, heavy mud.  Nobody on the Titanic
  died from mud.”
  So I changed the water to mud.  But the truth is, I hated the sequence.
  It was gratuitous action, not at all organic to the story.
  Marty Hornstein returned with a preliminary budget.  Iʼm not at liberty to
  discuss the final budget, but I can tell you that his estimate for the current
  script was tens of millions of dollars more than the studio intended to
  give us to produce this movie.  From this moment on, all creative
  decisions would be affected by our need to control the budget.  The
  studio heard the numbers and very simply said: bring it down.
  Thereʼs only one way to bring the budget down and thatʼs to cut things
  out.  In a movie like this, that generally means action and special effects.
  So, at the same time the studio was telling us we needed more action to
  make the picture better, they were also telling us we needed to lose
  action to meet the budget.
  If we had to lose action, I argued to Rick, then letʼs lose the gratuitous
  action that weʼd just put in act two.  Yes we need some kind of action
  there, but letʼs keep it simple.  Weʼll put the ship under water, weʼll have
  a great special effect when we reveal it, weʼll heighten the mystery.  Our
  people can go into the holoship and one of the Sonʼa crewmen comes
  out of the hologram and starts shooting and we fire back and he goes
  down and thatʼs it.  Itʼs simple, comparatively cheap, and itʼll give us a
  couple of jolts in act two.
  Can you believe it?  The writer suggesting they throw out the last two
  weeks of his work?  Look, if Iʼd been passionate about this sequence, I
  would have fought for it.  But if we didnʼt cut here, weʼd have to cut
  something else out that I did care about.  
  And a surprising thing is that cutting things out of a script can be
  liberating.  I canʼt tell you how often Iʼve made budget cuts only to say to
  myself -- hey, you know what?  Itʼs better now.
  Thatʼs how I felt about this rewrite:
  EXT. PLANET SURFACE - DAY - LOOKING DOWN TO SEE A
  SMALL LAKE - (OPTICAL)
  Picard, Data and the Ba’ku have moved toward a dam
  where Data is having trouble with his tricorder...
  DATA
  Tricorder functions are limited due
  to heavy deposits of kelbonite in
  these hills...
  PICARD
  How about a passive radiation scan?
  Data adjusts his tricorder... reacts...
  DATA
  Curious, there appear to be strong
  neutrino emissions coming from the
  lake...
  Staying with Data as he follows the tricorder to the
  edge of the lake... a brief pause... and then in a
  64
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  Harold Lloyd sort of moment, he steps into the lake
  up to his ankles, pauses again to look at the
  tricorder and then continues to walk straight into
  the lake until he disappears under water.
  ARTIM
  reacts, astounded... looks to Picard...
  ARTIM
  Can he breathe under water?
  PICARD
  Data doesn’t breathe.
  ARTIM
  Won’t he rust?
  PICARD
  (smiles to himself)
  No.
  The boy turns his wide eyes back toward the lake.
  UNDERWATER - DATA (OPTICAL)
  An eel and a fish investigate him as he stands on the
  lake bottom, examining his tricorder...
  EXT. LAKE - DAY
  Data emerges at a distance from the others... calling
  --
  DATA
  Sir, I believe I know what is
  causing the neutrino emissions...
  He begins to climb to the top of the earthen dam.  As
  he does...
  ARTIM
  (fascinated)
  Are there other machines like him
  in the offland?
  SOJEF
  The offland is no concern of yours.
  ANGLE WITH DATA
  He reaches the top of the dam and turns a heavy wheel
  that might usually require the strength of two men,
  opening a floodgate... the water runs off and as we
  push to the falling water...
  TIME CUT:
  WITH PICARD
  reacting as he looks down at the lake...
  ANGLE (OPTICAL)
  a strange displacement of water appearing as the lake
  drains... something invisible is sitting in the water...
  a bird lands on top of it... and as the water sinks
  lower, spilling off the sides of the invisible object,
  the shape is revealed to be that of a cloaked spaceship.
  PICARD
  As Data rejoins him, holding his tricorder...
  DATA
  The vessel is clearly Federation in
  origin, Captain.
  PICARD
  (quoting Dougherty)
  ‘Just a few loose ends to tie up.'
  As they move to a rowboat... Artim begins to follow
  but Sojef puts a firm arm on his shoulder.
  SOJEF
  We’re not interested in such things.
  Anij looks to Sojef...
  ANIJ
  I am.
  And she hops on board the rowboat with Picard and
  Data... decidedly not trusting either of them to go
  alone...
  PICARD
  It might be wiser for you to stay on
  shore.
  Anij’s answer is to grab an oar and push them away
  from shore... as Data and Picard exchange a glance,
  Picard takes the oar from her and...
  WIDE - (OPTICAL)
  Picard, Anij and Data row closer to the invisible
  ship.
  CLOSER - THE ROWBOAT - (OPTICAL)
  Data presses controls on his tricorder.  A hatch
  opens.  Picard and Data draw phasers...
  INT. HOLOGRAPHIC SHIP/VILLAGE - (OPTICAL)
  As they climb in to find themselves in an identical
  image of the Ba’ku village.  Anij is stunned...
  DATA
  (off tricorder)
  It is a holographic projection.
  Moving to a gap that shows the metal holo-grid...
  DATA (CONT’D)
  Incomplete, I might add.
  PICARD
  (to Anij)
  What you’re seeing is a computer
  driven image created by photons and
  forcefields...
  ANIJ
  I know what a hologram is, Captain.
  The question is -- why would someone
  want to create one of our village?
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  65
  
  PICARD
  (considering)
  Data, if you were following the
  children 
  and 
  discovered 
  this
  ship...
  A beat as his mind works...
  DATA
  It is conceivable I was shot to
  protect 
  the 
  secret 
  of 
  its
  existence.
  PICARD
  (nods, musing aloud)
  Why duplicate the village except...
  to deceive the Ba’ku...
  ANIJ
  Deceive us?
  PICARD
  To move you off this planet.  You go
  to 
  sleep 
  one 
  night 
  in 
  your
  village... wake up the next morning
  in this flying holodeck transported
  en masse.  Within a few days you’d
  be relocated on a similar planet
  without ever realizing it.
  DATA
  Why would the Federation or the
  Son’a wish to move the Ba’ku?
  PICARD
  I don’t know.
  We may notice a look in Anij’s eyes - she knows why
  but doesn’t intend to say.  Picard and Data don’t
  notice her reaction...
  ANGLE - (OPTICAL)
  Suddenly wham! -- a plasma charge is fired from the
  shadows of the “village” hologram... and then another
  and another... the shots hit walls revealing portions
  of the holo-grid (an effect we will see again later
  during the final action).  Plasma ricochets off the
  walls spraying sparks over them all... as Data fires
  back, Picard grabs Anij and shoves her out the hatch
  for her safety...
  ANGLE OUT THE HATCH - (OPTICAL)
  as she falls several yards into the water making a big
  splash... Picard turns back and starts firing...
  INT. HOLO-SHIP - (OPTICAL)
  A brief, intense exchange of shots... creating more
  gaps in the holo-image... and finally a Son’a officer
  falls   off the roof of a holo-building, unconscious.
  PICARD
  Computer, end program and decloak
  the vessel.
  And as the holo-image DEMATERIALIZES, they’re
  standing on a holodeck.
  EXT. HOLO-SHIP - (OPTICAL)
  DECLOAKING... Anij splaying her arms to keep afloat in
  the water...  Picard and Data stick their heads out
  of the hatch...
  ANIJ
  I can’t swim!
  Data and Picard promptly jump in after her...
  PICARD
  (reaching for her)
  Don’t panic...
  He safely grabs her...
  ANIJ
  I’ve been shot at... thrown into
  the lake out of an invisible ship
  that’s come to abduct us all...
  what’s there to panic about?
  Data twists his neck a certain way and we hear a
  slight technical re-alignment and suddenly he
  floats...
  DATA
  In the event of a water landing, I
  have been designed to serve as a
  flotation device.
  Anij hangs on to Data as Picard swims over to retrieve
  the rowboat...
  As pre-production continued, all the sequences with visual effects
  continued to go through revisions as storyboards were developed by Co-
  Producer Peter Lauritson who would be in charge of the opticals
  40 to be
  added in post production and Jonathan Frakes whose direction had to
  be coordinated with those optical effects.  Until now, my imagination had
  no limits, but the storyboards made clear what could be done in a
  sequence like the discovery of the holoship based on the budget and
  the available technology.
  Iʼd study the storyboard, make certain it was consistent with the needs
  of the story, and then Iʼd rewrite the action in the sequence to follow the
  storyboard.
  66
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  40 Visual Effects added in post production
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  67
  
  The studio wanted the final confrontation to be as explosive as possible
  and Patrick felt this was one of the most important places for Picard to
  be an action hero.  I understood his concern.
  We liked the idea of using a “Sorvino Switch” to fool the villains just as
  they had intended to fool the Baʼku but it forced Picard to do all of his
  heroics off camera.  In addition, the destruction of the collector seemed
  an afterthought and the final jeopardy that took Ruʼafo to his doom felt
  tacked on.
  The first thing I did to give Picard a more active role in the resolution
  was to make the Sonʼa first officer, Gallatin, less inclined to help.  He
  finally turns only when confronted by the force of Picardʼs personality:
  INT. SON’A BRIG - (OPTICAL)
  41
  Picard has climbed the rear wall with help from two
  Ba’ku, examines the forcefield generators in the
  ceiling.
  ANIJ
  (a warning)
  Jean-Luc...
  Gallatin arrives... armed with a hand weapon.  Aiming
  it at Picard, he turns off the forcefield...
  GALLATIN
  Come with me.
  Picard measures him for a moment then comes out,
  smiles ‘don’t worry’ to Anij... Gallatin restores the
  field and motions for Picard to exit...
  INT. SON’A CORRIDOR
  walking 
  to 
  a 
  turbolift... 
  unusually 
  cordial
  considering the circumstances --
  PICARD
  It must have been strange for you.
  (off his look)
  When 
  you 
  were 
  a 
  hostage.
  Surrounded by all the friends and
  families you knew so many years
  ago.  All of them looking exactly
  as they did.  Almost like...
  looking 
  through 
  the 
  eyes 
  of
  childhood again.
  Gallatin presses a panel at the lift... Picard fixes
  his eyes on him, evenly --
  PICARD
  And here you are closing those
  eyes... trying not to see what the
  bitterness has done to the Son’a...
  how it’s turned Ru’afo into a
  madman... and to you.
  (beat)
  It’s turned you... into a coward.
  (off his reaction)
  A man who denies his conscience.
  The turbolift arrives...
  GALLATIN
  Get in.
  Picard enters...
  INT. TURBOLIFT - CONTINUOUS
  PICARD
  A coward... without the moral
  courage to prevent an atrocity.
  You offend me.
  GALLATIN
  (incredulous)
  Is this how a Federation officer
  pleads for his life?
  PICARD
  I’m not pleading for my life.  I’m
  pleading for yours.
  (beat)
  You can still go home, Gal’na.
  Gallatin looks at Picard a long, miserable beat,
  then...
  GALLATIN
  Computer, close turbolift doors.
  The doors close.  Gallatin lowers his weapon.
  And then Rick and I went to work on a battle between Ruʼafo and Picard
  on board the massive collector in space.  The greatest problem was
  avoiding a similar climax to the movie Star Trek Generations.  At the end
  of that movie, the villain was trying to launch a weapon into a sun that
  would destroy a planet.  So was our villain.  I suggested we change the
  sun to Saturn-like rings around the planet.  The fountain of youth effect
  could come from metaphasic dust in the rings.  (They would also give our
  space shots a unique look.)
  But there were other problems.  After watching sequences from the
  previous two films, I realized there was a danger that the action itself
  might also resemble the final fight in Generations:
  THE END
  68
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  41 Gallatin has just been ordered to insure the death of Picard and the Federation crew.
  
  TO:
  RICK & JONATHAN
  FROM:
  MICHAEL
  RE: 
  THE ACTION FINALE
  As I said, I’m really not so concerned about the hull sequence in
  First Contact but the similarities I saw in Generations disturb me.
  Let me list the ones I remember:
  1.
  Maguffin is something to be launched and ignited that will
  destroy a planet.
  2.
  Mano a mano.  Picard and villain battle one on one.
  2A.
  Fisticuffs, no shooting.
  3.
  Picard disabling controls as time running out.
  4.
  Danger of falling.
  5.
  Villain dies at controls that Picard reconfigured.
  Differences:
  A.
  Setting.
  B.
  De-aging morph.
  42
  Some of the things (like #1, & #5) can’t really be changed at this
  point.  So we should look hard at the other three.
  Overnight thoughts.  Everything costs time and money:
  Re: #2/2A  Make it three on three.  Worf and Data provide
  covering fire for Picard.  Supporting players give us a phaser
  battle.
  Re: #3  Make it more of a climbing-race to the injector sequence
  instead of Picard getting to the controls so early... maybe Picard
  can’t transport over so easily... Ru’afo has put up shields.  But
  Worf can get him through a pinhole of some sort on a low level
  of the collector... and then he has to climb a long way as time is
  running out... the disarming process at the top is not so
  complicated... it’s getting there that’s hard... Ru’afo climbs trying
  to block him...
  If we’re three on three, Picard can be blocked by one of the
  Son’a on the way up the structure and knock him off to his
  death... if it’s one on one... it can be a bungi jumping type fight
  between Picard and Ru’afo that Picard wins long enough to get
  to the injector and get the circuit before Ru’afo gets back in time
  to be launched.
  Give Picard and anyone else 24th century ratchets and climbing
  tools to use in his climbing...
  Make the structural elements reflective like mirrors to create
  multiple images of Picard and Ru’afo and others to give a weird
  “Lady From Shanghai”
  43 effect to the final sequence.
  Make the space where Picard has to go to disarm the injector
  incredibly small, like room for only one and a half people, so that
  the final grappling is cramped and Picard and Ru’afo are virtually
  pressed together intimately like lovers.
  Let’s talk.
  After much discussion and many different versions, the final action
  sequence looked like this:
  INT. SON’A BRIDGE
  44
  WORF
  Captain...
  He motions to the digital display... the countdown
  has started over, counting backwards at 02:55 now...
  Picard reacts...  Gallatin works the controls...
  GALLATIN
  The separation protocols have been
  reset on board the collector... I
  can’t override...
  PICARD
  Scan for lifesigns.
  WORF
  One.  It’s Ru’afo.
  PICARD
  Can you beam him off?
  WORF
  Negative, 
  sir. 
   
  He’s 
  raised
  shields.
  PICARD
  Is there any other way to disable
  the injector?
  GALLATIN
  Perhaps.
  Gallatin calls up...
  ANGLE - COMPUTER DISPLAY SHOWING THE INJECTOR
  ASSEMBLY - (OPTICAL)
  isolating the section that we saw launched into the
  rings in the simulation...
  GALLATIN (CONT’D)
  If we could get onto the collector,
  we could remove the ignition matrix
  directly 
  from 
  the 
  injector
  assembly...
  WORF
  (checking panels)
  Sir, there’s a small opening in the
  shields at the base of the coupling
  adapter... I might be able to beam
  through it...
  A highlighted area on the graphic identifying Worf’s
  beam-in spot shows us it’s at least a couple of
  hundred meters away from the injector assembly...
  Picard glances at the countdown... it’s at 02:31... he
  frowns, nods, let’s do it.  But as Worf begins to move
  toward a transporter pad...
  PICARD
  Commander, remain at your post.
  WORF
  (reacts)
  Sir...
  PICARD
  Mister Worf.
  Picard doesn’t pause to give reasons, moves toward
  the transport station, mind working... to Gallatin -
  -
  PICARD
  The ignition sequence -- what can
  you tell me?
  GALLATIN
  The thrusters activate one minute
  before separation, you’ll see the
  cryogenic tanks venting... don’t
  use any laser tools or weapons
  after that; they could ignite the
  propellant 
  exhaust. 
   
  The
  substructure will retract fifteen
  seconds prior to separation.
  The countdown is at 02:11 as Picard grabs a phaser rifle..
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  69
  42 Morphing is an optical effect which combines a series of images, i.e. Ruʼafo
  changing from old to young in a matter of seconds.
  43 Reference to 1948 film directed and written by Orson Wells,
  based on a novel by Sherwood King.
  44 Picard and Gallatin have just successfully taken
  control of the Sonʼa Bridge...
  
  INT. COLLECTOR - (OPTICAL)
  The weird cavernous room is left with a skeleton of
  structural elements now that all the sails are fully
  unfurled... it almost reminds of the support for an
  old-time roller coaster -- a cobweb of crisscrossing
  pipes, and conduits and planks...
  SON’A COMPUTER VOICE
  Separation in two minutes.
  RU’AFO - (OPTICAL)
  in a control area safely removed from the injector,
  working controls... the digital display moving back
  from 01:57... he doesn’t immediately see --
  ANGLE - PICARD - (OPTICAL)
  MATERIALIZING... maybe two hundred meters away from
  the  injector.  This is not an area built for manned
  operation... so Picard has to make do with the
  structural elements... he’s been beamed to a platform
  near the base of the sail substructure... his phaser
  rifle is strapped to his chest, commando style... he
  begins to climb toward the injector...
  WITH RU’AFO - (OPTICAL)
  an intruder alarm has sounded on his console ... he
  reacts... looks up at -
  P.O.V. - PICARD - (OPTICAL)
  climbing across the crisscrossing structure toward
  the injector...
  RU’AFO - (OPTICAL)
  fires a hand weapon toward Picard but it ricochets
  off the structural elements harmlessly...
  PICARD - (OPTICAL)
  looks down, making eye contact with Ru’afo, presses
  on...
  RU’AFO - (OPTICAL)
  abandons the control area, begins to climb after
  him...  the countdown has reached 01:42.
  WIDE - (OPTICAL)
  as the two look like spiders crawling across a web...
  and the trick for Ru’afo is to angle himself so he can
  get a clear shot at Picard...
  ANGLE WITH RU’AFO IN FOREGROUND - (OPTICAL)
  Picard moves into clear view several dozen meters
  away...  Ru’afo steadies himself, fires, barely
  missing --
  PICARD - (OPTICAL)
  but hitting the plank that he’s on which snaps and he
  falls, barely grabbing a nearby pipe...
  RU’AFO
  scrambles toward him...
  PICARD (OPTICAL)
  swings on the pipe and pulls himself Tarzan-style
  along the structural elements until he can get a
  footing... sees...
  RU’AFO
  closing the distance between them...
  PICARD
  grabs his phaser rifle and...
  WIDE - THE SPIDER WEB SHOT - (OPTICAL)
  sprays shots to force his pursuer back and then
  scrambles the last few yards toward the injector
  assembly...
  ANGLE - RU’AFO IN THE FOREGROUND
  gets Picard in his sights again and is ready to pull
  the trigger when suddenly the beam fusion reactors
  activate  the cryogenic tanks vent nitrogen gas, pre-
  launch ice falls away from the injector...
  SON’A COMPUTER
  Separation in one minute.
  Ru’afo pulls back the weapon, knowing he can’t fire
  without igniting the fumes now... he climbs in a
  hurry, tired and out of breath...
  70
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  ANGLE IN THE INJECTOR ASSEMBLY (OPTICAL)
  where another digital display shows the countdown at
  00:55... Picard, breathing hard, moves to a wall of
  circuits where he finds the ignition matrix... but
  before he can pull it out...
  RU’AFO
  Stop.
  Picard turns to see Ru’afo on the support structure,
  climbing up toward him, his gun trained on Picard...
  Picard glances again at the countdown which has
  reached 00:42... both men are exhausted, sweaty and
  out of breath... fumes billow between them...
  PICARD
  We’re getting too old for this,
  Ru’afo.
  RU’AFO
  After today, that won’t be a
  problem.  For either of us.
  SON’A COMPUTER VOICE
  Separation in thirty seconds.
  RU’AFO
  Just step off the injector.
  PICARD
  Are you really going to risk
  igniting the exhaust?
  Their eyes are locked.  Picard smiles.
  PICARD
  No?  All right.  Then I will.
  Ru’afo reacts as Picard grabs his rifle and fires a
  single shot at the fumes as he dives for cover behind
  a standing console...
  RU’AFO
  No!
  There’s a tremendous flash and smoke... Ru’afo is
  knocked back by the impact, his hood thrown off,
  revealing the stretched skin stapled to his head... he
  scrambles to his feet.  Picard is no longer visible
  through the smoke... Ru’afo climbs onto the injector,
  moves quickly to the spot where Picard was standing...
  Picard is gone... Ru’afo looks at the circuit board -
  - the ignition matrix has been pulled out...
  PICARD
  Looking for this?
  He spins to see Picard holding the ignition matrix,
  standing where he just came from -- on the support
  structure which has begun retracting from the
  injector..... the countdown is at 00:10.
  ANGLE FROM THE SUPPORT STRUCTURE AS IT RETRACTS
  Picard, moving slowly away from Ru’afo who’s still on
  the injector.  As Ru’afo sees the countdown, he looks
  for a way to get off, can’t find one... his eyes,
  filled with panic, connect with Picard’s...
  PICARD
  Take my arm!
  Picard reaches out his hand.
  RU’AFO
  hesitates... then reaches out...
  THEIR HANDS
  stretch to within inches but the support structure
  has retracted too far away...
  THE DIGITAL DISPLAY - 00:00
  TWO SHOT: PICARD AND RU’AFO - (OPTICAL)
  as Ru’afo slides away with the injector as it’s
  launched... a protective forcefield zaps into place
  as it enters space... Picard watches as it moves
  toward the rings...
  EXT. COLLECTOR - CONTINUOUS (OPTICAL)
  As we saw in the simulation, the injector continues
  to move toward the rings...
  INT. INJECTOR - ANGLE THROUGH THE FORCEFIELD -
  (OPTICAL)
  to see the rings getting closer and closer... and as
  we burst into them... the bright colorful metaphasic
  dust and gases swirling around us like a hurricane...
  RU’AFO - (OPTICAL)
  begins to change... growing younger and younger...
  face-lift falls into middle-age... then taking on the
  Ba’ku facial skin pattern as he reaches young
  adulthood... then adolescence... then childhood.
  White out.
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  71
  
  Patrick really missed the Alamo and wanted to change the story so
  Picard would have to defend the village instead of leading the people up
  a mountain.  I tried for weeks but I just couldnʼt find a credible way to
  keep the Baʼku in their village.  Unlike The Seven Samurai where the
  village and the crops must be saved, the village in our film was of little
  consequence.  It was the people who must be protected.  The last thing
  Picard would want to do, it seemed to me, was to keep all of the people
  in one central location.  Heʼd spread them as far apart as he could to
  delay the Sonʼa abduction.
  None of us liked the idea of spending a great deal of time in caves.  Weʼd
  used caves a lot on the TV series.  We talked about creating ancient
  Alamo-like structures in the mountains for Picard to defend, but the
  budget ultimately defeated that idea.  Caves, it would have to be, so I
  tried to create caves that were unlike any weʼd seen before.  I filled them
  with mud and mineral hot springs.  In one version, I had an exhausted
  Doctor Crusher about to take a rejuvenating mud bath in one of the
  mineral-rich caverns until she sees a llama urinating in the mud.  After
  reading that, Rick went home and told his wife, “I think Michaelʼs starting
  to lose it.  He wrote a scene today in which a llama pees on Beverly
  Crusher.”  The scene didnʼt stay in the picture.
  We hadnʼt made much progress in cutting the budget and I was
  beginning to come to the conclusion the trek up the mountain would play
  better if we tightened it.  So we started taking dollars out of the
  mountainside.
  The first thing to go was the phaser fight on the trail and all the ground
  troops associated with it.  Then, to my regret, we lost the flying
  motorcycles with the enemy troops firing weapons in ride-by attacks.
  Not only was the sequence terribly expensive, it reminded a lot of people
  of the Stormtrooper speeder-bike chase in The Return of the Jedi.  I
  argued that every western has people riding horses; why couldnʼt more
  than one science fiction movie have people riding anti-gravity devices?
  It was a moot argument.  Again, the budget made the decision for us.
  The flying motorcycle gang was replaced by automated drones.
  At the same time we were cutting back the ground action, the studio was
  asking for a bigger space battle for the Enterprise.  And because the
  studio felt that the character of Barclay was getting more attention than
  some of our regular characters, we decided that La Forge would join
  Riker on the ship.
  With the changes to both sides of the action, this is what the new
  sequence looked like:
  EXT. SPACE - THE ENTERPRISE - (OPTICAL)
  Moving at one-third impulse through The Briar
  Patch...
  INT. BRIDGE
  Riker at Command, Perim at Ops, La Forge at Conn,
  Daniels at Tactical, supernumeraries...
  PERIM
  Commander, I’m showing two Son’a
  ships on an intercept course.
  RIKER
  How long ‘til they reach us?
  PERIM
  Eighteen minutes....
  LA FORGE
  We’re not going to be able to get a
  transmission out of here for at
  least another hour...
  DANIELS
  They’re hailing us.
  RIKER
  Tell them our transceiver assembly
  is down, that we can send messages
  but not receive them.
  Daniels sends the message... a beat...
  DANIELS
  I don’t think they believe us.
  RIKER
  Why not?
  Boom... a small explosion well off target... the ship
  shakes gently...
  RIKER
  (off sensors)
  A photon torpedo.
  (dry)
  Isn’t that the universal greeting
  when communications are down?
  LA FORGE
  I think it’s the universal greeting
  when you don’t like someone.
  Another boom shakes them slightly...
  RIKER
  Full impulse.
  LA FORGE
  The manifolds can’t handle full
  impulse in The Patch, Commander.
  RIKER
  If we don’t outrun them, the
  manifolds will be the only thing
  left of this ship.
  LA FORGE
  (nods)
  I’ll be in Engineering.
  La Forge exits.  A supernumerary quickly replaces him.
  RIKER
  Red 
  alert! 
  All 
  hands, 
  battle
  stations!
  EXT. TRAIL - DAY
  Troi and Beverly are sitting.  As Data comes over and
  delivers Starfleet rations... mid-conversation...
  TROI
  And have you noticed how your boobs
  have started to firm up?
  CRUSHER
  (dry)
  Not that we care about such things
  in this day and age.
  TROI
  Uh huh.
  Data glances at their breasts as he hands them
  plates...
  CRUSHER
  Thank you, Data.
  We stay with him as he takes the tray to Worf who
  looks at the plate with disdain...
  72
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  UP THE MOUNTAIN
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  73
  
  WORF
  I have an odd craving for the blood
  of a live Kolar beast.
  (off Data’s look)
  The environment must be affecting
  me again.
  DATA
  (agreeing)
  And have you noticed how your boobs
  have started to firm up?
  (Worf reacts)
  Not that we care about such...
  He’s interrupted by the distant sound of approaching
  thrusters...
  ANGLE - TWELVE SON’A SHUTTLES (OPTICAL)
  45
  coming over the horizon...
  WORF
  (hits combadge)
  Take cover!
  PICARD AND ANIJ
  running back to join the others, reacting to the
  approaching shuttles... they look up to see --
  THE SHUTTLES - (OPTICAL)
  overhead, dropping dozens of...
  FLYING DRONES - (OPTICAL)
  the size of footballs with parts rotating, blinking,
  scanning...
  EXT. DRONE POV - FLYING ABOVE THE TRAIL - (OPTICAL)
  The Ba’ku scattering as drones fly over them...
  DATA AND ARTIM - (OPTICAL)
  react, Data firing at the drones as Artim crawls
  behind a rock...
  PICARD AND WORF - (OPTICAL)
  open fire with phasers destroying two, but the third
  fires a new kind of weapon hitting --
  CLOSE ON A BA’KU WOMAN’S BACK
  as it’s tagged with a tiny device fired from the
  drone...
  ANGLE - THE BA’KU WOMAN - (OPTICAL)
  DEMATERIALIZES... a fraction of a beat later, Picard
  blasts the drone... more people DEMATERIALIZE as the
  drone attack continues...
  WORF
  Isolinear tags.  Their transporters
  can lock on to them.
  PICARD
  We have to find shelter...
  ANIJ
  There’s a cavern at the base of the
  next hill...
  PICARD
  (signaling to the others)
  This way!
  VARIOUS - (OPTICAL)
  on our principals providing covering fire as the Ba’ku
  move quickly ahead...  more drones fly in, firing
  their tags, more Ba’ku are hit and DEMATERIALIZE...
  our people fire repeated bursts destroying several of
  them...
  EXT. SPACE  - THE ENTERPRISE - (OPTICAL)
  exchanging fire with the two Son’a ships in pursuit,
  a trail of hot exhaust coming from the Enterprise...
  INT. BRIDGE
  Seriously damaged... plasma leaks, smoke... Perim
  still at Ops... a supernumerary at Conn...
  DANIELS
  Shields at sixty percent...!
  LA FORGE’S COM VOICE
  Engineering to Bridge.  We’re
  burning deuterium down here...
  INT. ENGINEERING
  Impulse engines smoking... engineers spray coolant
  foam over them to keep the temperatures from red-
  lining...
  LA FORGE
  We’re going to blow ourselves up...
  we won’t need any help from the
  Son’a...
  INT. BRIDGE INCLUDE VIEWSCREEN - (OPTICAL)
  A huge nebula cluster up ahead...
  RIKER
  What’s inside that nebula cluster?
  PERIM
  Cometary 
  debris, 
  pockets 
  of
  unstable metreon gas... we don’t
  want to go in there, sir...
  RIKER
  Yes, we do.
  (moves to Conn)
  I’ll take it from here, Ensign.
  The supernumerary rises and moves away... Riker
  sits...
  RIKER
  Time to use “The Briar Patch” like
  B’rer Rabbit did...
  EXT. SPACE - THE ENTERPRISE - (OPTICAL)
  making a hard turn and disappearing into the
  cluster...
  EXT. PLANET SURFACE/TRAIL - (OPTICAL)
  The Ba’ku run for their lives toward the mouth of a
  cavern, steam coming up from the hot mineral waters
  within it...
  PICARD
  Into the cavern!  Move!
  74
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  45 Eventually the twelve ships were cut back to two in post production.
  
  And our people continue to blast the swarming drones
  above but there are so many of them... several Ba’ku
  are tagged and DISAPPEAR...
  WITH WORF - (OPTICAL)
  as his phaser jams, he turns his rifle around and with
  Klingon howls, swings it like a bat’leth at the
  drones... missing one but then connecting with
  another and a second one knocking them out of the park
  like Hank Aaron... glancing to Picard...
  WORF
  Definitely 
  feeling 
  aggressive
  tendencies...
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  75
  
  ANGLE WITH DATA AND ARTIM - (OPTICAL)
  surrounded by Ba’ku as they move quickly along a very
  steep trail, Data firing at drones as they go...
  suddenly just in front of them, an assault team
  appears over the ridge... a Son’a officer with two
  Tarlac
  46 foot soldiers ready to take prisoners... Data
  lunges, like a running back hitting a defensive line
  and his power throws them back and they fall...
  OFF THE CLIFF - (OPTICAL)
  the long terrible fall beginning...
  DATA - (OPTICAL)
  thinks fast, snatches a passing drone out of the air
  and aims it at...
  THE THREE FALLING ALIENS - (OPTICAL)
  and as they’re tagged, they DEMATERIALIZE in free-
  fall.
  DATA - (OPTICAL)
  looks down, satisfied, then he crushes the drone with
  his bare hands and provides more cover fire as the
  Ba’ku move quickly to the cavern...
  EXT. NEBULA - THE ENTERPRISE - (OPTICAL)
  Flying through dark matter clouds and stellar debris
  which light up as Son’a torpedos explode all around
  them... suddenly there is a different kind of blast
  off the Enterprise’s stern -- a bright implosion,
  sucking up everything around it, literally ripping
  subspace apart as it cascades toward the ship...
  INT. BRIDGE
  Terribly rough ride...
  DANIELS
  Sir, they’ve detonated an isolytic
  burst... 
  a 
  subspace 
  tear 
  is
  forming...
  RIKER
  On screen.
  ANGLE TO INCLUDE VIEWSCREEN - (OPTICAL)
  As Riker sees the tear coming at them...
  PERIM
  I thought subspace weapons were
  banned by the Khitomer Accord...
  RIKER
  Remind me to lodge a protest...
  LA FORGE’S COM VOICE
  Commander, our warp core is acting
  like a magnet to the tear.
  INT. ENGINEERING
  Geordi on the move to a new control panel...
  LA FORGE (CONT’D)
  We’re pulling it like a zipper
  across space...
  RIKER’S COM VOICE
  Options?
  LA FORGE
  We could eject the core.
  INTERCUT:
  INT. BRIDGE - (OPTICAL)
  As the viewscreen shows the tear getting closer...
  RIKER
  Will that stop the tear?
  LA FORGE
  You got me, Commander.
  RIKER
  That’s your expert opinion?
  LA FORGE
  Detonating the warp core might
  neutralize the cascade... but then
  again it might not.  Subspace
  weapons are unpredictable.  That’s
  why they were banned.
  DANIELS
  The tear is closing on us... impact
  in fifteen seconds...
  RIKER
  Eject the core.
  LA FORGE
  I just did.
  DANIELS
  Impact in ten seconds...
  RIKER
  Detonate!
  INT. ENGINEERING - GEORDI
  presses the panels to detonate and...
  EXT. NEBULA - THE SUBSPACE TEAR (OPTICAL)
  rips toward the Enterprise as the ejected warp core
  explodes.  The subspace disruption that follows --
  INT. ENGINEERING
  throws everybody down.  Consoles explode...
  INT. BRIDGE - CONTINUOUS
  Panels are blown off, fires break out, lights fail,
  people thrown to the ground.  As it subsides, Riker
  crawls back to Conn...
  DANIELS
  It worked, Commander... the tear’s
  been sealed...
  INT. ENGINEERING
  LA FORGE
  There’s nothing to stop them from
  doing it again... and we’re fresh
  out of warp cores...
  INT. BRIDGE
  PERIM
  We’re still thirty-six minutes from
  transmission range, sir.
  RIKER
  (nods, deciding)
  We’re through running from these
  bastards.
  76
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  46 A reference to an alien race pressed into military service by the Sonʼa.
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  77
  
  INT. HYDROTHERMAL CAVERN - DAY - (OPTICAL)
  A large, steamy, wet environment... pools of mineral
  water drizzle along the floor... Picard and the last
  of the Ba’ku and their llamas rush in, sloshing
  through the mud... Worf promptly activates a
  forcefield blocking the entrance... an instant later
  several drones try to follow but are blocked by the
  field; they hover menacingly outside...
  NEW ANGLE - DATA
  moves to Picard from the interior of the cave...
  PICARD
  (to Data)
  How many?
  DATA
  Another forty-three people reported
  taken, sir...
  Picard 
  frowns, 
  sighs, 
  takes 
  in 
  their 
  new
  surroundings... suddenly, the caverns are shaken by
  the sound of overhead explosions... reactions,
  fearful murmurs, skittish llamas...
  ON ARTIM
  sitting with other Ba’ku... they look up at the
  frightening sound... sand drifting dangerously from
  the ceiling...
  CLOSE ON ARTIM’S POCKET - (OPTICAL)
  The palm-pet crawls out...
  EXT. FOOTHILLS - CONTINUOUS (OPTICAL)
  As the Son’a shuttles fly over firing torpedoes,
  explosions across the terrain...
  INT. HYDROTHERMAL CAVERN - (OPTICAL)
  As Picard et al react to the aerial assault... ground
  continually shuddering... Picard and Worf exchange a
  grim look...
  WORF
  They’re trying to force us out so
  their drones can tag us...
  Picard nods, agreeing.  As dust falls from the ceiling
  and the blasts continue to rock them...  Data studies
  his tricorder...
  DATA
  With all the hydrothermal vents in
  the 
  substrata, 
  the 
  structural
  integrity of this cavern is not
  going to hold for long, Captain...
  Picard glances out at a half-dozen drones hovering
  outside...
  PICARD
  Is there any other way out of here?
  Anij shakes her head, grim...
  DATA
  Tracking the water’s course may
  reveal another exit...
  As the cavern continues to shake with the explosions
  overhead, they use tricorders to follow the water flow
  deeper into the cavern...
  NEW ANGLE - NARROWER PORTION OF THE CAVE - (OPTICAL)
  The flow of water disappears under a wall... the air
  assault continues...
  DATA
  (off tricorder)
  I am showing a nitrogen-oxygen flow
  behind 
  this 
  calcite 
  formation,
  Captain...
  PICARD
  Will the structure hold if we blast
  through?
  DATA
  (examines walls with tricorder)
  I believe it is safe, sir.
  Using their phasers, they blast the wall away, walk
  through the new hole into a brighter cave area with a
  natural opening (hereafter referred to as “Second
  Exit") to the outside...
  INT. BRIGHTER CAVE -- LOOKING OUT SECOND EXIT -
  CONTINUOUS (MATTE/OPTICAL)
  to see several paths up to rocky mountains not far
  away, distant cave openings in view... above them,
  the aerial assault continues...
  PICARD
  (to Worf and Data)
  Get everyone into those caves, set
  up 
  forcefields 
  once 
  you’re
  inside...
  Data and Worf move back into the main chamber to
  gather up the Ba’ku...
  EXT. NEBULA  - THE ENTERPRISE - (OPTICAL)
  coming about...
  INT. BRIDGE - ANGLE TO INCLUDE VIEWSCREEN - (OPTICAL)
  Riker at Conn as messed up as we’ve ever seen him, his
  face a study in determination.  The bridge is barely
  functional.  Pockets of colorful gases are visible on
  the screen.
  RIKER
  Geordi, 
  are 
  those 
  pockets 
  of
  metreon gas...?
  INT. ENGINEERING
  Off an Okudagram
  47 --
  LA FORGE
  Aye, sir.  Highly volatile... I
  recommend we keep our distance...
  RIKER’S COM VOICE
  Negative.  I want to use the
  ramscoop to collect as much of it
  as we can...
  LA FORGE
  The purpose being...?
  INT. BRIDGE
  RIKER
  The purpose being I intend to shove
  it down the Son’a’s throats.
  78
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  47 Graphics which appear on a set, named for Scenic Art Supervisor Mike Okuda.
  
  DANIELS
  Commander, if one of their weapons
  hits that gas...
  RIKER
  It’s our only way out of here,
  Mister Daniels.
  INT. ENGINEERING
  as Geordi goes to work, nods with admiration...
  LA FORGE
  I wouldn’t be surprised if history
  remembers 
  this 
  as 
  the 
  Riker
  Maneuver...
  RIKER’S COM VOICE
  If it works.
  LA FORGE
  Even if it doesn’t, they’ll be
  teaching kids at the Academy not to
  do this for years to come.
  EXT. NEBULA - CLOSE ON THE RAMSCOOP - (OPTICAL)
  as it begins to sweep up the gases... compressing them
  into a critical mass...
  INT. ENGINEERING
  Close on La Forge as he feverishly works the
  consoles... his head moving to all sorts of read-outs
  and panels... to a nearby supernumerary --
  LA FORGE
  How do you people get anything done
  with such limited eyes?  I’m ready
  to get my implants back.
  (hits combadge)
  Bridge...
  INT. BRIDGE - INCLUDE THE VIEWSCREEN (OPTICAL)
  LA FORGE’S COM VOICE (CONT’D)
  Storage 
  cells 
  are 
  at 
  maximum
  capacity -- five thousand cubic
  meters of metreon gas...
  RIKER
  Computer, access manual steering
  column.
  In an instant, a joystick pops up from the control.
  He grabs the stick... a computer gamester’s dream...
  RIKER
  Transfer helm controls to manual.
  The computer bleeps.  As the fog clears, we can see
  on the screen that we’re closing fast on the Son’a
  ships...
  PERIM
  They’re 
  powering 
  their 
  forward
  weapons array.
  RIKER
  Blow out the ramscoop.  Stand by
  full thrusters.
  LA FORGE’S COM VOICE
  Ramscoop released!
  Riker hits panels and the ship lurches...
  EXT. NEBULA - THE ENTERPRISE - (OPTICAL)
  turning away as the Son’a ships fire and wham, the
  gases erupt... the Enterprise careens away out of
  control as the Son’a ships are hit by the explosion’s
  full force.  Both catch seriously on fire.  After a
  beat, one explodes into bits... the other one sits
  there, helplessly on fire...
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  79
  
  Patrick was uncomfortable using Shakespeare in the ship battle with
  Data.  “I donʼt think the Lear quotes work,” heʼd said in his notes.  “It will
  be meaningless to most of our audience and Iʼm not sure I believe in
  what it is meant to do.”
  The idea harkened back to the television series when Picard had taught
  Data about humanity by directing him in fully-recreated scenes from
  Shakespeareʼs plays on the holodeck. Weʼd actually built one
  memorable episode around the themes of Henry V.  In addition, I thought
  the Kingʼs madness in Lear would provide a metaphor for Dataʼs erratic
  behavior.
  Losing Shakespeare didnʼt really bother me.  But I felt we needed
  something like it.  I argued that Picard would try every trick to safely
  capture Data before ever firing a weapon that might harm him.
  Patrick suggested, “Well, couldnʼt I tell him some jokes that we both
  know or perhaps sing something from Gilbert and Sullivan?”  And a new
  sequence was born:
  EXT. UPPER ATMOSPHERE - SCOUT/SHUTTLE - DAY (OPTICAL)
  48
  The scout launches a pair of torpedoes from its stern,
  the shuttle is forced to veer away to avoid them...
  one touches the shields, explodes... the shuttle is
  thrown briefly out of control...
  INT. SHUTTLE
  Picard works hard to stabilize the ship...
  WORF
  Scanners are off line!
  PICARD
  (trying to make visual contact)
  I’ve lost him... where the hell did
  he go?
  Then, wham... wham... WHAM!  Gas shoots from the
  ceiling... Worf tries to stop it...
  THROUGH THE WINDOW  - (OPTICAL)
  to see the Scout zooming past, so close that Picard
  and Data can even make eye contact...
  PICARD
  He can fly a ship, he anticipates
  tactical strategies, his brain is
  obviously functioning...
  (beat)
  We’ve seen how he responds to
  threats.  How might he respond
  to...
  With an intriguing idea, he hits the companel again...
  PICARD
  Data... Two women in Miami Beach.
  One says to the other, “That’s a
  lovely diamond you’re wearing, Mrs.
  Klopman."  The other says, “Thank
  you, 
  it’s 
  the 
  famous 
  Klopman
  Diamond, but it comes with a
  curse..."
  Worf looks at him curiously...
  INT. SCOUT
  Data pauses in his attack to listen...
  PICARD’S COM VOICE (CONT’D)
  ..."A curse?", says the first...
  “What’s the curse?"  The second
  looks at her and says...
  DATA
  PICARD’S COM VOICE
  (to himself)
  “Mister Klopman!”
  “Mister Klopman!"
  Data’s programming clicks back to the fight.  He fires
  again.
  INT. SHUTTLE - (OPTICAL)
  Wham!  Picard makes another evasive maneuver...
  WORF
  Sir, with all due respect, this is
  no time to be telling jokes...
  PICARD
  That’s one of Data’s favorite jokes...
  Another shot lands.
  WORF
  He’s not laughing.
  PICARD
  (beat, a new idea)
  Do you know Gilbert and Sullivan?
  WORF
  No sir, I haven’t had a chance to
  meet all the new crew members since
  I’ve been back...
  PICARD
  They’re composers, Worf, from the
  nineteenth century.  Data was
  rehearsing 
  a 
  part 
  in 
  H.M.S.
  Pinafore before he left...
  PICARD
  (singing to com)
  “A British tar is a soaring soul,
  As free as a mountain bird, His
  energetic fist should be ready to
  resist A dictatorial word..."
  Picard looks at Worf, nods, join me!  Worf gives him
  an exasperated look... Picard begins to enter
  commands into the computer as he continues to sing...
  INT. SCOUT
  PICARD’S COM VOICE (CONT’D)
  “His nose should pant and his lip
  should curl, His cheeks should
  flame and his brow should furl..."
  Data reacts.  From somewhere inside his damaged brain,
  he recalls this song.  He starts to sing to himself...
  DATA/PICARD’S COM VOICE
  (together)
  “His bosom should heave and his
  heart should glow, And his fist be
  ready for a knock-down blow..."
  INT. SHUTTLE - (OPTICAL)
  The lyrics are scrolling on a monitor now... a
  bouncing ball making it easier for Worf to follow...
  80
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  DATA VS PICARD
  48 Data is in the scout, Picard and Worf in the shuttle
  
  PICARD
  (to Worf)
  Sing!
  PICARD & WORF
  “His nose should pant and his lip
  should curl, His cheeks should
  flame and his brow should furl..."
  INT. SCOUT
  And Data sings in unison --
  DATA/PICARD & WORF’S COM VOICES
  "...His bosom should heave and his
  heart should glow...
  DATA/PICARD & WORF’S COM VOICES
  And his fist be ready for a knock-
  down blow..."
  INT. SHUTTLE
  Picard catches his breath, turns off the companel.
  PICARD
  He’s stopped firing.
  Suddenly from the speaker --
  DATA’S COM VOICE
  “His eyes should flash with an
  inborn fire, His brow with scorn be
  wrung; He never should bow down to
  a domineering frown, Or the tang of
  a tyrant tongue..."
  PICARD
  (smiles, triumphant)
  Prepare the docking clamps.
  Worf moves to a rear panel as Picard sings with
  Data...
  PICARD/DATA’S COM VOICE
  "...His foot should stamp..."
  INT. SCOUT (OPTICAL)
  Data, mesmerized by the song, is not paying attention
  to his sensors and doesn’t notice the shuttle through
  the window behind him moving closer...
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  81
  
  DATA/PICARD’S COM VOICE
  "...and his throat should growl,
  His hair should twirl and his face
  should scowl..."
  EXT. SCOUT AND SHUTTLE - DAY - CONTINUOUS (OPTICAL)
  As the shuttle moves within yards, even feet, of the
  scout... sliding under the belly of Data’s craft...
  DATA/PICARD’S VOICES
  (muffled)
  "...His eyes should flash and his
  breast protrude, And this should be
  his customary attitude --"
  CLOSE - THE DOCKING CLAMP - (OPTICAL)
  on the roof of the shuttle extends and with a magnetic
  jolt attaches itself to the scout.
  DATA/PICARD’S VOICES
  ...His foot should stamp and his
  throat should growl..."
  INT. SCOUT
  Data feels the jolt, reacts, stops singing, his
  programs clicking back into a defense mode...
  PICARD’S COM VOICE
  “His hair should twirl and his face
  should scowl..."
  Data checks his sensors, hits a panel and...
  EXT. SCOUT AND SHUTTLE - (OPTICAL)
  as the scout rocks back and forth trying to shake the
  shuttle loose...
  INT. SHUTTLE
  Picard and Worf hold on for dear life...
  WORF
  Sir, inertial coupling is exceeding
  tolerance... if we don’t release
  him, he may destroy both vessels...
  PICARD
  I’m not letting go of him.
  EXT. SCOUT AND SHUTTLE - (OPTICAL)
  They begin to spin and spiral downward...
  INT. SCOUT - (OPTICAL)
  Data still trying to free his ship... the surface
  spinning and looming closer through the window...
  COMPUTER VOICE
  Warning.  Impact with surface...
  INT. SHUTTLE - (OPTICAL)
  The same view of the surface through their window...
  COMPUTER VOICE
  ...in twenty seconds.
  PICARD
  Reroute emergency power to inertial
  dampers!
  WORF
  The damping sequencer was damaged
  by phaser fire!
  PICARD
  Transferring controls to manual.
  COMPUTER VOICE
  Warning.  Impact with surface...
  INT. SCOUT - (OPTICAL)
  As before.
  COMPUTER VOICE
  ...in ten seconds.
  INT. SHUTTLE - (OPTICAL)
  WORF
  Damping field established!
  PICARD
  Maximum power!
  EXT. SCOUT AND SHUTTLE (OPTICAL)
  The shuttle gains control sweeping both ships into a
  hard arc parallel to the surface, only a dozen yards
  above the surface.
  Eventually, because our script was getting too long, we cut out -- to many
  peopleʼs regret -- the Myron Cohen joke about Klopman.
  82
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  83
  
  As production neared, the script expanded and contracted like an
  accordion.  Every time it started heading toward 130 pages, Iʼd have to
  cut it back to get it as close to 120 as I could.  Page count also
  contributed significantly to budget control.  On a feature like this, the
  director would generally average about two to three pages per day.
  Thus, the shorter the script, the fewer the days of production.  Iʼd try my
  best to keep the page count down as notes for changes continued to
  pour in.
  Our location manager reported we might have problem with fog in the
  morning if we shot along the coast, so our ocean-side Baʼku village
  became a lakeside community.
  Jonathan Dolgen felt that a couple of hundred Sonʼa would not provide
  a strong enough adversary for Picard, so I added two primitive races to
  the Sonʼa crew from planets theyʼd conquered in the past.
  When actress Terry Farrell, who played Worfʼs wife on Deep Space Nine,
  decided to leave the show at the end of the sixth season, a change in the
  dialogue between Picard and Worf at their first meeting had to be made.
  The storyline of Deep Space Nine was going to kill her character. Our
  first thought was to have Worf still in mourning when he arrives:
  PICARD
  I’ve thought so much about you
  since we heard the terrible news
  about your wife.
  WORF
  I received your condolences sir.
  Thank you.  She was a remarkable
  woman.  She died an honorable
  death.
  Rick ultimately decided that it would be confusing to audience members
  who were not regular viewers of Deep Space Nine so we ignored the
  death of Worfʼs wife.
  As time went on, Anijʼs death felt artificial and cliched to me.  Besides, I
  said to myself, Picard would be more heroic if he could save her life.
  Since the earliest days of development, Iʼd wanted Picard to learn
  something from the fountain of youth planet.  This would be the climax
  of his personal journey through the film:
  (SCENE IN PROGRESS)
  PICARD
  Stay with me... don’t let go of this
  moment, Anij... give me the power to
  help you live in this moment...
  He takes --
  HER HANDS IN HIS
  ANIJ
  weakly opens her eyes one last time and looks at
  him...
  PICARD (CONT’D)
  Just one more moment... and then
  one more after that... and one more
  after that...
  PICARD - (OPTICAL)
  unwilling to let her go... searching for powers within
  himself that he never knew he had... like the father
  who tries to lift a car when his child is caught
  underneath... and with the force of his inner will,
  suddenly time seems to slow...
  TWO SHOT
  The camera begins to circle them as her heartbeat
  pounds slower and slower; the sound of air moving in
  and out of her lungs getting progressively smoother,
  calmer... the dust still in the air from the collapse
  falling ever more slowly almost like snowflakes...
  moving through the settling dust which slows to almost
  a complete stop in mid-air... the nature of the light
  changes around them... and it’s almost as though her
  life connected to his is illuminating the cavern...
  and then... we never complete the circle because the
  moment is interrupted by a blinding explosion of
  sunlight cracking through as the rescuers get
  there...
  There was still one note from Patrick I didnʼt know how to handle.
  “Please,” heʼd said, “donʼt letʼs start growing hair on Picardʼs head.
  Something else, eh?”   
  I agreed that Picardʼs bald head was a defining physical characteristic of
  our hero.  And Patrick had earned his status as a leading man with that
  head.  But wouldnʼt the entire audience be waiting for Picardʼs hair to
  start growing?  Wouldnʼt the first line of every review say something like:
  “The fountain of youth works on everything except Captain Picardʼs
  head?”
  In addition, the scene when he looks in the mirror and sees hair is a big
  moment.  It reveals the truth of the fountain of youth to him for the first
  time.  What would he see in the mirror if not hair?
  Would he consider finding a single new hair growing on his head?  He
  could even pluck it out and weʼd never see it again.
  No, came the answer.  No new hair.
  He did agree to consider letting the hair on the back of his head get
  darker.  But after doing some makeup tests, that idea was abandoned
  too.
  We finally went with Patrickʼs suggestion:  his waddle could get younger.
  Through the magic of Michael Westmoreʼs make-up, the flesh under
  Picardʼs chin would become firmer as the fountain-of-youth effect took
  hold.
  Brent Spiner was still concerned about Dataʼs role.  The story with Artim
  seemed to be taking his character backwards, he said.  He felt his
  character had evolved past the issues of learning how to play.  To him,
  it was almost like the last two movies didnʼt even exist for Data.
  Patrick and Brent were saying the same thing -- that I was writing their
  characters like theyʼd been on the television show.  Truth is, they were
  probably right.  But I had my reasons which I defended, after a meeting
  with Brent, in a note to Rick:
  It’s been my feeling that theatrical audiences have never been
  treated to the heart-warming Data as Pinocchio.  I wonder if
  Brent realizes how his fans miss that about Data.  Patrick and
  Brent would say by definition that it’s wrong to go back to those
  qualities of the character when he seems to have grown beyond
  them.  I don’t think that’s necessarily true.  In TOS
  49, Spock still
  depends on logic.  The Doctor is still a curmudgeon.  Kirk is still
  a rascal.  The idea that the TNG
  50 characters need to
  fundamentally move away from what made them popular in the
  first place is a doubtful proposition, at least to me.
  No, I don’t want to play the same beats that we’ve played in the
  television show, but I don’t think this movie does.  And I’ve tried
  hard not to be inconsistent with Data’s character in the last two
  movies.
  There was, however, no question in my mind that Brent was accurate
  when he said that, “Data seems to be teamed with the boy merely to
  give him charming scenes with a child.  The child doesnʼt really have a
  problem.  He seems to be a normal, functional child.  Whatʼs interesting
  about this relationship?”
  It was time to finally address that issue.  Sometimes, small changes can
  yield big results.  I simply made Artim afraid of Data.  It made sense.
  The boy had been brought up to fear technology.  By making Artim afraid,
  MORE REVISIONS
  84
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  49 TOS: The Original (Star Trek) Series
  50 TNG: Star Trek: The Next Generation
  
  it gave Data a greater challenge to reach and ultimately help him
  understand that an android need not be feared.  This small revision in the
  first meeting between Artim and Data set the tone for the entire
  relationship:
  ANGLE ON DATA
  who notices Artim still glancing at him with fear.
  To reassure him --
  DATA
  There is no reason to fear me.  I am
  now 
  operating 
  within 
  normal
  parameters.
  ARTIM
  What?
  DATA
  They fixed me.
  The android’s manner only seems to frighten Artim
  more.  Before Data can say anything else, Sojef comes
  and leads him away, giving Data a cool smile that
  says, in effect, I don’t want any artificial lifeform
  talking to my son.  Data reacts.  After a thoughtful
  beat, moves to walk with Picard.
  DATA
  The boy is... afraid... of me, sir.
  PICARD
  It’s nothing personal Data.  You
  have to remember these people have
  rejected technology.
  DATA
  (understands)
  And I am the personification of
  everything they have rejected.
  PICARD
  Until this week, that young man
  probably never saw a machine, let
  alone one that walks and talks...
  DATA
  I do not believe I made a very good
  first impression.
  It clearly bothers Data to be the object of fear.  The
  boy glances over his shoulder once more at the
  android, looks quickly away... 
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  85
  
  Also, I eliminated Artimʼs mother and arranged for his father to be
  abducted by the Sonʼa, which forced Artim and Data together.  I was
  finally satisfied with the arc of their relationship. 
  Casting began in February, and I wrote character descriptions on the
  guest stars for casting directors Junie Lowry Johnson and Ron Surma:
  ANIJ
  A beautiful, charismatic woman of quiet strength, about 40 years old,
  healthy, trim and in the prime of life.  She takes a special pride of taking
  contrary positions to the status quo of her people, who are known as the
  Baʼku.  They are a humanoid race who look a great deal like humans,
  and live on an idyllic planet.  She is suspicious and antagonistic to Picard
  when he arrives on her world, but ultimately falls in love with him as he
  defends her people facing overwhelming odds against a terrible
  conspiracy that will destroy them.  She has special powers of inner
  awareness that will help change Picardʼs life.
  RUʼAFO
  One of two primary villains, he is an alien leader, 52 to 70 years old, of
  a race known as the Sonʼa.  All Sonʼa people look as if their faces are
  about to snap, as if they have had too many cosmetic surgeries.  They
  are a dying race and have come to the Baʼku world to steal the magic of
  the environment, which will help them survive.
  Ruʼafo has formed an uneasy alliance with the Federation in order to
  accomplish this, but he and his people are far more willing to do
  anything, including total destruction of the environment, to get what they
  need.
  ADMIRAL DOUGHERTY
  Human male Starfleet Admiral in his 60ʼs.  He has been assigned to  help
  Ruʼafo and the Sonʼa for what seem to be the most noble of reasons, or
  at least he has convinced himself that the reasons are noble. But as
  Picard begins to interfere with their plans, he begins to make moral
  compromises that lead him into making tragic errors.
  ARTIM
  A 12 year old Baʼku boy.  Smart and inquisitive.  He has been taught to
  be prejudiced against all technology as his people have rejected
  machines in their lives.  When he encounters Data, he has a built-in fear
  that  comes with this kind of prejudice.
  Through the affection and attention Data gives him during the adventure,
  they are able to bridge the gag between the two worlds, and Artim learns
  to appreciate Data for what he is and overcomes his prejudice at the
  same time he helps Data learn a little bit about what itʼs like to be a
  humanoid child.
  SOJEF
  A Baʼku man, about 40 years old, healthy, trim and in the prime of life.  
  He is the leader of the Baʼku and Artimʼs father.  He is more diplomatic
  and gentler than Anij, but devoutly pacifist and distrusting of all outsiders
  who would come to his world.
  86
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  Rick, Jonathan and I made wish lists of stars weʼd love to have, but many
  of the names had to be crossed off the list because of the budget.
  We didnʼt have any cameo appearances from the Star Trek universe in
  this draft yet, so I wrote Quark back into the final scenes of the movie:
  51Sojef considers Picard, shakes his hand with an
  unstated but deep appreciation for all that this
  offlander has done.  He moves away to join Gallatin
  and his mother.  Worf approaches...
  WORF
  Captain, the Ticonderoga has  moved
  into orbit.
  QUARK’S VOICE
  Worf!
  They turn to see a Ferengi (QUARK) approaching in a
  bathing suit with a beach umbrella and two barely
  dressed
  Dabo girls...
  WORF
  What are you doing here, Quark?
  QUARK
  The same thing everyone else in the
  quadrant is going to be doing
  here... as soon as I build the
  greatest spa in the galaxy...
  (sotto)
  ...these people don’t have any
  religious thing about casinos do
  they...?
  PICARD
  There will be no spas on this
  planet.
  QUARK
  Do I know you?
  PICARD
  (ignoring the question)
  This world is about to become a
  Federation protectorate, which will
  end 
  any 
  and 
  all 
  attempts 
  at
  exploitation.
  QUARK
  Explain to me how five thousand
  time-share units... right there
  along 
  the 
  lake... 
  would 
  be
  ‘exploiting’ anyone.
  PICARD
  Mister Worf, have this uninvited...
  offlander and his guests beamed to
  the Enterprise.  We’ll deposit them
  at Deep Space Nine.
  WORF
  Must you, sir?
  Worf takes Quark away by the arm... his disappointed
  babes follow... trailing away --
  QUARK
  You’ll hear from my Nagus.
  They’re gone.
  We still had no title for the movie.  Star Trek: Where Time Stands Still,
  Star Trek: Forever, Star Trek: Beyond Paradise were a few of the titles we
  rejected.  The marketing people at the studio felt it was important to have
  an action title, especially for foreign release.
  My favorite title, Star Trek: Sacred Honor (using the last two words of the
  Declaration of Independence) was rejected because the marketing
  people were afraid audiences might think it was a religious movie.
  When production was set to begin on March 30, the press releases
  referred to the movie simply as Star Trek IX.  We would shoot the film
  without a title.
  51 Picard has just reunited Gallatin and his mother
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  87
  
  Shooting was only days away and we still hadnʼt brought the picture
  down to budget.  We asked Marty Hornstein to suggest every possible
  cut.
  6 MARCH 1998
  TO:
  RICK BERMAN, JONATHAN FRAKES
  FROM:
  MARTY HORNSTEIN
  RE:
  SUGGESTED SCRIPT/BUDGET REVISIONS
  Jerry Fleck
  52 and I reviewed the 2/20/98 script looking for
  possible savings.  Please find below our recommendations.
  SC. 29
  BANQUET
  If Geordi stops Picard before he reaches the Banquet Room, he
  could send Riker or Troi ahead to handle Regent Cuzar.  His
  viewscreen to Dougherty could remain in the AnteRoom which
  overlooks the empty Observation Lounge (we own the glass
  case, conference table and Enterprise models from “First
  Contact”.)  The Observation Lounge or the Ready Room are
  also available for the viewscreen call if you prefer.
  Savings:
  Pts. Ensign Sc. 28, Regent Cuzar, Bolian Scientist
  $5,000
  Above the Line Fringe
  53
  $3,640
  Atmosphere: 8 Stand-ins, 20 Starfleet,
  8 Small Aliens, 8 Sideline Musicians
  $13,564
  22 Additional Makeup
  $13,200
  7 Additional Hair
  $4,200
  2 Additional Wardrobe
  $666
  1 Additional AD
  54
  $453
  Banquet Set Dressing
  $34,200
  Prop Food
  $1,000
  Wardrobe - Dress Uniform Mfg.
  $47,750
  BL
  55 Fringe
  $6,845
  Shoot Day
  $125,000
  TOTAL POTENTIAL SAVINGS
  $255,518
  SCS. 47 THRU 78 - SHUTTLE CRAFT VS. SCOUT DOGFIGHT
  This 7 6/8 Page sequence is scheduled for 2 Days in the Shuttle
  (5 2/8) and 1 Day in the Scout (1 7/8).  There are additional shots
  scheduled on the Green Screen56 Days.  Some cuts in the
  Shuttle could possibly save 1 shooting day.  POTENTIAL
  SAVINGS $125,000.
  This might result in a reduced number of Opticals now included
  in the Santa Barbara Studios Estimate.  Savings TBD.
  Herman
  57 has also suggested substituting the Yacht for the
  Shuttle.  This would save $95,000 plus construction labor fringe
  of $18,620. POTENTIAL SAVINGS $113,620.
  SC. 108 - TRANSPORTER ROOM
  This is scripted as 6/8 pgs.  I understand Jonathan intends to
  have them step down from the Transporter platform and exit to
  the Corridor.  He thinks 3/8 pgs will remain in the room.  Suggest
  playing entire scene in the Corridor.
  Construction revamp and restoration
  $30,804
  Construction labor fringe
  $6,038
  Set Dressing
  $16,300
  TOTAL POTENTIAL SAVINGS
  $53,142
  SC. 111 - SICKBAY
  Could Crusher be any place other than Sickbay for this 3/8-page
  scene?  This is her response to a com call from Picard regarding
  the hostages refusing medical attention.  Could she be in the
  new Engineering set (Geordi’s office) checking out Geordi?
  Construction revamp and restoration
  $20,000
  Construction labor fringe
  $3,920
  Set Dressing
  $32,750
  TOTAL POTENTIAL SAVINGS
  $56,670
  SCS. 117 THRU 127 - EXT. VILLAGE - NIGHT
  This is the sequence where Picard visits Anij’s House up through
  where Patrick and Geordi share the sunrise.  It is 7 pages.  Any
  trims in this scene could help, as our schedule couple it with SCS.
  138 THRU 150 - EXT. VILLAGE - NIGHT, the evacuation sequence
  of 4 3/8 pages.  It’s busy and there’s action.  My concern here is to
  complete all this work in the 5 scheduled nights.
  SCS. 242, 243 & 249 - INT. BRIG
  These scenes are 3 4/8 combined page count and scheduled for
  2 Days.  If we can trim a page here, we could possibly save:
  Shooting day
  $125,000
  75 extras
  $6,825
  2 Son’a Guards
  $312
  14 additional makeup
  $8,400
  7 additional hair
  $4,200
  4 additional wardrobe
  $1,332
  2 additional assistant directors
  $906
  Below the Line Fringe
  $6,153
  TOTAL POTENTIAL SAVINGS
  $153,128
  SC. 305 THRU 310 EXT. VILLAGE
  This tag scene is 4 5/8-pages with 13 cast and several different
  beats.  It is scheduled for 2 Days.  We don’t know how important
  this 1 2/8-page beat is with Quark and Dabo girls.  However, if it
  were cut we could save:
  Shooting day
  $125,000
  Quark & Dabos
  $2,312
  77 Extras
  $7,007
  12 Additional Makeup
  $7,200
  10 Additional Hair
  $6,000
  3 Additional Wardrobe
  $999
  2 Assistant Directors
  $906
  2 Additional Production Assistants
  $200
  Below the Line Fringe
  $6,699
  TOTAL POTENTIAL SAVINGS
  $156,323
  GREENSCREEN
  Can we review all Greenscreen scenes in hopes of saving one
  or our 3 scheduled days?  This was the day we added to the last
  schedule.
  POTENTIAL SAVINGS $125,000.
  FINALLY - THE LLAMAS
  Llama Rental and Buyout for cutting fur
  $35,800
  Animal Trainers
  $28,514
  Feed
  $1,000
  Below the Line Fringe 
  $7,984
  TOTAL POTENTIAL SAVINGS
  $73,298
  I hope this helps.
  88
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  BUDGET CRUNCH
  52 First Assistant Director
  53 “Above the Line” people are those whose names appear at the beginning of a film. “Fringe” is the studioʼs contribution toward the cost of fringe benefits (such as medical coverage & retirement plans), usually on behalf of union employees.
  54 Assistant Director
  55 Below the Line -- referring to production personnel whose
  credits do not appear at the beginning of a film.
  56 The process of shooting live action in front of a huge green screen so backgrounds
  (such as star fields & planets) can be added later to complete a visual effect.
  57 Herman Zimmerman,
  Production Designer
  
  3/6/98
  TO:
  RICK BERMAN & JONATHAN FRAKES
  FROM:
  MICHAEL PILLER
  Here’s a quick response to Marty’s ideas, all of which have some
  merit.
  Scene 29, Banquet:  I feel very strongly that we have to protect
  this sequence in general.  However, I believe you can make this
  work with five small aliens and four musicians, which should
  have some savings in the make-up, hair, wardrobe, etc.
  The dress uniforms is a toss-up.  I would put it on a B List, but frankly
  if it costs fifty grand to put twenty-eight people into those uniforms,
  then I don’t know if it’s worth it.  What if it’s only Picard and Riker?
  Scenes 47-78: I’ve made some cuts in this sequence already,
  which you’ll see early next week, that might trim a couple more
  opticals out.  But the issue here is really to make sure that we
  record enough of the song so that we can cut it to fit the
  sequence.  I wouldn’t make this a complicated shoot, Jonathan,
  but I just think we need to have enough singing to play with when
  you get into the editing room.
  Scene 108:  I’d leave the Transporter Room in the picture.  It’s a
  Star Trek signature.
  Scene 111:  We could put Crusher into the Engineering set if
  necessary.  However, is there any savings to be gained by
  putting the two of them into a small corner of Sickbay and not
  revamping the entire set?
  Scenes 117-127:  I’ve made some cuts in this already and have
  also made some cuts in scenes 138 thru 150.
  Scenes 242, 243 & 249:  I will look for trims when I get there.
  Scene 305 thru 310:  I would leave Quark in the picture.  I’ll try to
  find trims in the tag, but there’s a great deal to be accomplished.
  Finally, the llamas:  We could do everything we need to do with
  four llamas, and when Jonathan sets up a new shot, he can use
  the same llamas.  The memo doesn’t say how many llamas we’re
  considering employing, but in terms of value, I think the llamas
  bring a lot to the atmosphere.  But I don’t think we need many.
  In the big Moses scene, you’re very likely going to be adding
  people optically down the hill anyway, and there’s no reason why
  you can’t add some llamas optically.  Nevertheless, we obviously
  have to put this on a B List.
  In the end, we cut the banquet in half.  We cut a few opticals out of the
  dog fight between the shuttlecraft and the scout.  We shortened the
  scene in the Sonʼa brig.  But, for now, Quark, the Dabo girls and the
  llamas stayed in.
  58
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  89
  58 The Quark scene felt jarring in context and was eliminated by Jonathan Frakes during the
  directorʼs cut of the film.
  
  90
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  Herman Zimmerman studied to be actor.  He happens to be an Emmy
  Award-winning Production Designer, but that didnʼt stop him from
  reading for the part of the Doctor when we were casting Star Trek:
  Voyager.  He didnʼt get to play the role but Herman does bring an actorʼs
  mentality to the creation of his designs.
  His biggest job on this film was the Baʼku village which was to be
  constructed, as soon El Nino allowed, at Lake Sherwood in Agoura Hills.
  But as he mused over his design choices, he tried to be a Baʼku in his
  mind.  To think as they would think.  To construct a lifestyle as they would
  construct it.  
  On March 7, he sent me a memo to make sure he and I were on the
  same wavelength.
  I realized he was building that village the same way I try to write my
  scripts -- from the inside out.  Herman was playing the Inner Game too!
  PRODUCTION DESIGN
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  91
  
  A terrible mistake had been made.
  When the “final” draft of the script was sent to the entire cast (the first
  draft they got to see), they forgot to send it to Patrick.
  Rick was livid.  Some poor production assistant must have been
  sweating blood over this.  Giving the rest of the cast the latest material
  before Patrick could lead to a disaster.  If the other actors had problems,
  the first person theyʼd probably call would be Patrick.  And heʼd have to
  say, well, gosh, I donʼt know.  I havenʼt read it.  But Iʼve been telling them
  all along that...
  And thatʼs almost what happened.
  LeVar Burton read the script and immediately called Patrick who had to
  admit, embarrassed, that it hadnʼt arrived on his doorstep yet.  Except
  LeVar loved it.  He told Patrick that this was really a story that had
  something to say.  “I started reading my own lines,” LeVar told me later,
  tongue in cheek, “... which is what all us actors usually do -- ʻbullshit,
  bullshit, bullshit, my line, bullshit, bullshitʼ... and suddenly I realized, ʻhey,
  Iʼm actually getting involved in this story...ʼ  The atrocity of forced
  relocation, he said, was a theme that any African-American could
  understand.
  Still, after belatedly receiving the script, Patrick called Rick and said he
  wanted another meeting to suggest changes.  We braced ourselves for
  the worst.
  He came in and I saw it in his eyes.  He liked the new draft.  The meeting
  lasted twenty minutes.  He asked for seven or eight lines of dialogue to
  be adjusted.
  Then we had lunch and talked about his next play.
  92
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  THE LAST MEETING WITH PATRICK
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  93
  
  94
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  Much of the last week of pre-production was spent trying to figure out
  exactly what I thought the altered reality sequences should look like.
  Jonathan and Peter wanted to create storyboards and asked me to lay
  out specific shots they could follow.
  TO:
  Rick Berman
  CC:
  Jonathan Frakes
  FROM:
  Michael Piller
  I came up with a different idea this morning on the altered reality
  sequences that I rather like... so, I apologize for the radical
  revision but here it is:
  SCENE 156 ON THE MOUNTAINSIDE 
  Anij takes his hand in hers, guides both hands...
  ANGLE FAVORING Picard’s POV: hands moving to his cheek
  and as they touch him... something remarkable happens, it’s as
  though he’s been touched by a magic wand... with one touch,
  the world around them seems to slow down... they remain in
  normal time – it’s the world that changes... perhaps the first cue
  is the sound of the wind, the high whistle falling in pitch, a
  change in color...  (isn’t there more magic in seeing two different
  speeds in the same frame rather than simply slowing everything
  down?)
  ANIJ smiles gently, turns her look and he follows it to see –-
  Swirling dust from the mountain seems like a rippling scarf...
  Picard reacts... exchanges a look with Anij who is like an
  experienced woman taking a young man carefully to his first
  orgasm... 
  Her hand leads his into the water of the creek beside them... it
  flows through their fingers incredibly slowly in a tactile pleasure...
  as it slows even more as the camera moves in and around it...
  And maybe we do a pan around a two shot for a complete 360
  degrees to see this new world that Picard is experiencing for this
  first time... birds fly overhead in slower motion... and a
  hummingbird drifts nearby, we can hear its languid wing motion...
  the movement of trees in the wind... a falling leaf... an insect...
  and as the perception of time continues to slow, he begins to
  see the world in literally a new light... images now begin to
  change because we are actually starting to see the movement
  of light itself...  
  Her eyes fill the screen.  (Something about her eyes might be
  special... perhaps an optical enhancement, nothing too corny...
  I’m thinking of something that translates into heightened
  perception... a brightness of a special life force within her.)
  Maybe we intercut between our 360 degree pan as the nature of
  light and image virtually slow to a crawl... sunlight breaking into
  a shower of light streams cascading over them... and the
  following ECUs...
  ECU: Her fingers touching the hairs at the top of his chest...
  hearing the touch of her fingertips against his flesh...
  ECU: His cheek... her lips enter frame and brush the cheek...
  ECU: His lips... a beat later, her lips enter frame, her teeth nip
  gently on his lower lip and as they kiss... (all the ECUs would be
  in real time in this version)...
  WIDE: THEIR TWO HEADS almost motionless in a furious
  deluge of sunlight, a true orgasmic moment...
  The whole sequence probably is less than a minute.
  During that last week, Rick and I also went through the script scene by
  scene with Jonathan to make sure we all agreed on tone.  I jotted down
  a few extra notes the following day:
  March 20, 1998
  TO:
  Jonathan Frakes
  CC:
  Rick Berman
  From:  Michael Piller
  A couple of tone thoughts left over from yesterday:
  One, because there’s a lot of dialogue in this picture, and much
  of it on the planet surface, I just want to caution not to let the
  pastoral setting slow down the actors delivery of those lines.  I
  think the pace is critical to making this thing move comfortably
  through the big dialogue scenes.
  Two, the scene between Picard and Dougherty in Act II should
  be played like a heavyweight boxing match -- a battle of Titans.
  Don’t let the exposition in that scene distract us from the drama.
  The future of the Federation is at stake here.  It is, by definition,
  a highly charged confrontation and should be the centerpiece
  of this act.
  POST-PARTUM
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  95
  The cast came in for read-through that yielded a few changes in lines
  that sounded awkward.  Then, finally, time ran out.  I gave my script to
  the director.  He took it to raise as his own child.
  Goldman writes of a depression that always sets in for him after he lets
  go of a screenplay.  Thatʼs something I never experienced in television.
  As soon as I finished one script, it was on to the next.  No time to mourn
  the last one.  But I felt it here.  I wasnʼt quite sure what to do about it.
  I went down to the stage occasionally but frankly, I felt useless there.
  Besides, the only thing I could expect anyone to say to me when I was
  down there was, “Can I change this?”
  There are always minor revisions in dialogue on set as the scene gets
  up on its feet.  But Iʼm not very good at improvising on the spot.  So,
  Rick would observe rehearsals and call me with requests for changes.
  That gave me a little time to study the script and make sure the changes
  werenʼt confusing or inconsistent.  I caught a few errors, but most of the
  time the changes were harmless.
  Rick and I went to dailies
  59 with Jonathan and the crew.  I feared the
  scene in which Picard drops the salad in his lap made him look clumsy
  instead of cluttered.  The library scene which had become the repository
  of much exposition seemed endless now that it was on film.  Rick had
  never found a satisfying alien look for the Baʼku (the make-up had to be
  simple because there were so many of them), so heʼd decided they
  would look, for all intents and purposes, like humans.  Most of the extras
  cast were blond and I was afraid they might appear like Wisconsin milk
  farmers.
  But these kinds of problems were exceptions.  Jonathan was getting
  excellent performances from the entire cast.  No matter what doubts
  Brent Spiner might have had, his work was terrific.  They shot the gag
  where Data feels Rikerʼs bare chin three ways.  The first, requested by
  the studio, in which Data says: “No, sir.  It is not as smooth as an
  androidʼs bottom.”  Another in which Data simply says, “No, sir.  It is not.” 
  And finally, Brent asked for the chance to do it without dialogue at all.
  There was no question the silent version was by the far the best and
  thatʼs the one we used.  His comic timing was amazing.
  Marketing had to have a title.  They wanted to name it Star Trek:
  Revolution.  Rick said there was only one problem -- our movie wasnʼt
  about a revolution.  Jonathan Dolgen agreed and the title went away.  A
  writer pal of mine, Alan Spencer, whoʼd been providing much emotional
  support to my efforts through his e-mails, suggested Insurrection.  I
  showed it to Rick.  Someone else had independently come up with the
  same title.  The final run-off was between: Star Trek: High Treason, Star
  Trek: Act of Treason, Star Trek: Rebellion and Star Trek: Insurrection.  You
  know the winner.
  There just wasnʼt much more for me to do.  And I finally threw myself
  into writing a new feature script with my son.  A comedy.  I had to let go
  of this one.  I knew my job was finished.
  I was wrong.
  59 Screenings of film footage shot the previous day.
  
  TEST SCREENING
  There was an omen.
  It was October 14th, less than two hours before we would show the
  unfinished film for the first time to a real audience, carefully recruited by
  a firm60 the studio hires to test-screen movies.  My wife and I were in a
  quirky little Mexican Restaurant on Third Street about three miles from
  the studio.  I went to wash my hands and there, in the menʼs room of this
  Mexican Restaurant, was a large painting of Mr. Spock giving his familiar
  “Live Long and Prosper” hand signature.  On a toilet wall.
  Iʼd been worried a long time about this screening.  For one thing,
  everything had been going too well and that always makes me uneasy.
  Everybody at the studio whoʼd seen a cut of the work-in-progress had
  raved about it.  Don Granger called me after he saw it to say it was
  everything heʼd hoped for -- one of the best Star Trek movies ever.  John
  Goldwyn was equally effusive in his praise to Rick.  There were tears in
  his eyes when the lights came up, he admitted.  He was particularly
  impressed with Jonathanʼs growth as a director.
  Iʼd seen the film a couple of times, once to give Rick and Jonathan notes
  on points of confusion.  For example, in the opening sequence, it was
  hard to tell which of the figures in isolation suits was Data and where he
  was in relation to the village.  Rick and I finally decided we needed to add
  a couple of “wild lines” -- recorded by actors in a studio and added to the
  soundtrack to make it  absolutely clear:
  MALE SON’A COM VOICE
  (distressed)
  ...the 
  android, 
  he’s 
  out 
  of
  control...
  GALLATIN
  Report!
  MALE SON’A COM VOICE
  (struggling)
  ...he’s 
  coming 
  toward 
  the
  village... we’re trying to stop
  him...
  I had also viewed a cut of the film another time with Patrick who was
  pleased by what he saw.  “It works on so many more levels than anything
  weʼve done before,” he said.  I was also invited to attend (to receive “my
  share of the accolades” as Rick put it) when it was finally screened for
  Sherry Lansing.  The film had very rough, temporary special effects and
  a temp music score borrowed from other movies.  Afterwards, Lansing
  spoke highly of the film but wondered if the balance between action and
  romance wasnʼt a little off.  She admitted she wasnʼt sure and wanted to
  see how it played to a test audience, something the studio does with
  every film.  But she encouraged us to go through the film and see if we
  could find trims.
  Lansingʼs thoughts were not dissimilar to my own.  I thought the picture
  worked.  But I told Rick there was a lot of talk for an action film.  “I know”,
  said Rick, “But itʼs not the romance.  Itʼs all that technobabble.”  I looked
  at him and declined comment.  
  I went through the film and found about a minute and a half of dialogue
  that could easily be lost.  Jonathan also decided, with my blessing, to
  lose the big stunt in which Data pushes three enemy soldiers off a cliff
  and then uses a drone to transport them to safety before they hit the
  ground.  It just didnʼt seem to play very well on film.
  Losing two minutes would help the pace of certain sequences, I felt, but I
  had greater concerns about the test screening.  “I wonder if Hollywood
  hasnʼt conditioned modern audiences,” I said to Rick.  “Will people coming
  to the test screening be expecting wall to wall action?  Whatʼll happen to
  the test scores when they see a movie thatʼs warm and funny and
  depends a great deal on romance and character conflict?”  I wasnʼt sure.
  Iʼm ambivalent about testing.  My first introduction to it was when I was
  Assistant News Director at WBBM-TV News in Chicago in the seventies.
  We used to test viewersʼ reaction to our on-air news talent.  The research
  company would recruit a test audience and hook them up to wires that
  measured their galvanic skin response (GSR) to TV clips.  I have no idea
  if anyone still does this, but in its day GSR testing was thought to be a
  completely objective way to determine if a news anchorman was
  “reaching” the audience.  The test always began with film of Adolph Hitler
  to get a base-line comparison.  Hitler always got the highest GSR.  None
  of our anchors matched Hitlerʼs scores, although one got close.  His job
  would be secure for another year.  It didnʼt matter in this test if he was
  popular or not.  It only mattered if people would watch.  The emerging
  trend toward attractive young female news readers was also driven by
  similar research. 
  As I moved away from news and into entertainment programming, first
  as a network executive in CBS Current Programming and then later as
  a writer-producer, I saw how research impacts dramatic television.
  Testing can be valuable.  It helps answer questions youʼve been asking
  yourself.  But test audiences arenʼt always sure what to make of
  something thatʼs unique or different - itʼs simply not as comfortable as
  something theyʼre used to.  TV shows that risk being different often test
  lower than those that are familiar.
  When testing was done on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, the results told
  us that audiences were unhappy that the characters on board the space
  station didnʼt always get along.  And they complained that the “station
  doesnʼt go anywhere.”  In other words, they were asking for more of Star
  Trek: The Next Generation.  We made a few adjustments to Deep Space
  Nine, but the real impact of that research was on the creation of Star
  Trek: Voyager.  It was decided early on that it would be a ship-based
  show and there were to be no serious conflicts between the characters
  because that’s what the fans wanted.
  I knew very little about testing for features as the day of our test
  approached.  But I did know the test audience was going to be seeing a
  film designed from the very start to be different than the last one.  Star
  Trek: First Contact, full of dark, gritty action, had received test scores
  that set new records for the studio.  We couldnʼt hope to match those
  results.  The question was how much lower would we be?  The audience
  would be composed of about 60% Star Trek fans.  If those people came
  in expecting another picture like the last one, they were going to be
  surprised.  On top of that, we were still missing most of the special effects
  and none of the permanent music had been scored yet.  You bet I was
  worried.
  The screening was held on the Paramount lot in the studio theater.  Two
  hundred and fifty people had been recruited from street corner
  solicitation mostly in West Los Angeles.  The house was full.  Everyone
  knew they were there to see the new Star Trek film.  The room buzzed
  with anticipation.  All the studio executives were present including
  Jonathan Dolgen who would be seeing the film for the first time.  I sat
  beside Jonathan Frakes and Rick in the back row.  I had never attended
  a test screening of a feature film before. 
  I knew when the screening was over, everyone would promptly fill out a
  card with questions about the movie.  They would be asked to give
  scores to various creative elements, and then all but a few people would
  be sent home.  The ones invited to stay compose a “focus group” and
  they would discuss their opinions of the film with the research people for
  about a half-hour.  The scores on the cards would be added up and
  averaged and broken down into demographics and analyzed.  Some of
  the results would be ready in minutes.  A more detailed report with
  recommendations would arrive the next day.
  The lights went down and the Paramount logo faded in on the screen
  and the familiar sound of Jerry Goldsmithʼs Star Trek theme began.  The
  audience didnʼt make a sound.  Patrick Stewartʼs name appeared on the
  screen.  The audience watched in rapt silence.  Rick leaned forward.
  “Weʼre in trouble,” he whispered.  Already?
  Later, heʼd explain that in every other test screening for Star Trek films,
  the audience cheered when they heard the music and applauded when
  Patrickʼs name appeared.  Not this time.  It was, everyone would agree,
  an “anomalous audience.”
  For the most part, however, I just sat back and listened to the audience
  laugh at the very first joke as Beverly adjusts Picardʼs tight collar.  They
  laughed so loud the next three jokes couldnʼt be heard.  I made a note
  to myself to ask Rick if we could delay Rikerʼs entrance a beat so we
  wouldnʼt lose his line about the guests eating the floral arrangements.
  96
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  POST PRODUCTION
  60 The test screening was organized by the National Research Group, an impartial third party.
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  97
  
  I relaxed into the picture and I sensed the audience did too.  They
  laughed at most of the jokes.  Just as I was saying to myself that the
  second act still felt a bit leisurely, one woman got up to leave.  Omigod,
  is she walking out?  Does she hate the film?  No, obviously a bathroom
  break, she came back after a few minutes and stayed to the end.  There
  were no walk-outs.
  An hour and forty-six minutes later, the lights came up and the audience
  applauded.  I was feeling pretty good.  I thought there were a few spots
  that needed adjustment but it seemed to play pretty well.
  Outside, with adrenaline rushing, I turned to hear Rick murmur with
  concern, “The audience was dead.”  Dead?  Was he in the same room
  I was in?  “They didnʼt cheer once,” he added.
  That hadnʼt registered yet when I turned to see Don Granger coming out
  of the theater and he was pale.  Don had been sitting beside Lansing and
  Dolgen.  He lit a cigarette.  John Goldwyn emerged with a long face.
  “Weʼve got problems.  It didnʼt play well at all.”
  Lansing came out, walking with a purpose.  “Shall we talk?” she said to
  Rick and Jonathan without smiling, moving directly across the walkway
  to her office.  I wasnʼt sure if I was supposed to be there but Rick nodded
  for me to join them.  Somehow, I didnʼt think it was to get my accolades.
  Lansing allowed each of the executives to give their impressions before
  she spoke.  Michelle Manning who had seen the movie for the first time
  had a very positive response but added, “Iʼm not your audience.”  The
  others tried to identify what hadnʼt worked and what edits we might want
  to make.
  When Lansing spoke, it was with firm conviction.  “I donʼt care what the
  cards say -- youʼve got two major problems,” she said.  “Pacing, and
  thereʼs no boom at the end.”  Dolgen nodded from his seat as she
  continued.  “You have a wonderful film here, but youʼve got to go through
  it and be brutal.  Brutal.  Cut out everything you can.  Thereʼs too much
  romance.  Picard and Anij walk and talk forever.  I kept saying, come on,
  already.”  Dolgen nodded again.
  As she finished, the initial test results arrived.  The scores were above
  average but only barely, and well below First Contact.  Not the scores the
  studio expected from a Star Trek movie.  There were a lot of positives:
  Riker-Troi, Data and the boy, the humor.  Women liked it as much as
  men which was unusual for a Star Trek movie and non-Trek-fans liked it
  as much as fans, also unusual.  I thought (quietly to myself) both were
  hopeful signs.  There hadnʼt been a Star Trek “date movie” since the
  whale film.  But the overall audience reaction to Picardʼs romance was
  disappointing.  And there was a general consensus that the ending
  lacked excitement.  I thought the ending was hard to judge because
  many opticals were missing.  But I had to admit that one big visual effect
  that was in the picture didnʼt really work very well.  Ruʼafoʼs doomed de-
  aging morph that I hoped would pack a wallop, didnʼt.  Some members
  of the focus group werenʼt even sure heʼd been killed.
  “Weʼll fix it” said Jonathan Dolgen with confidence.  “Youʼve got to do
  what Star Trek does best.  We need to add a space battle in the climax.”
  Dolgen understood that his suggestion was an expensive one.  With new
  scenes and new optical effects (that would have to be rushed in time to
  make our release date), it would eventually wind up costing a few million
  dollars to revise the ending.  I couldnʼt help thinking that we were
  fortunate that the man with the keys to the vault was a Star Trek fan. 
  The day after the screening, reviews started appearing on the Internet
  by people who had lied their way into the test group.  Some of the
  postings were scathing.  A few were positive.  I was informed by a
  science fiction journalist that “an amazing amount of industry people I
  know weaseled their way into the screening.  It was almost a
  professional audience.”  Anomalous, indeed.  His sources reported
  generally good things about the screening.  But he said there were some
  people who “went in gunning” for Star Trek.  
  Enough positive feedback began to come from people who were
  legitimately at the screening and that seemed to neutralize the buzz.  In
  the meantime, a second test screening was quietly scheduled for
  October 26th.  The research company was informed that they had to
  take stronger security measures this time.
  I proposed a new ending to Rick and we broke it down on a white board.
  As I went to work, Rick, Jonathan and film editor Peter Berger did a
  “brutal” pass through the picture and cut out over seven minutes.
  Iʼve been asked if I mind when things Iʼve written are cut out of a film
  and my answer might surprise you.  Iʼm not.  I mean if the guts are cut
  out of my script, sure.  But a cut of a movie and a script are two different
  animals.  You never know how a film will play until itʼs assembled.  Iʼm
  all for losing anything that will help make the movie better.  
  Out went the salad scene in Picardʼs quarters that Iʼd been concerned
  about.  No loss there.  The library scene including massive doses of
  exposition was gutted.  Yes, we were leaving some technical questions
  unanswered, but was anyone really asking them?  (And my angry
  librarian no longer had anything to be angry about -- the Enterprise
  librarian wound up on the cutting room floor.)  The sequence in the caves
  was crunched together and a scene where Anij goes to look for Artim
  was cut.  Romantic interludes between Picard and Anij were trimmed
  back.  I thought all the cuts were sound.
  98
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  There was a lot of conversation about the long walk and talk scene
  between Picard and Anij.  This was the one place I knew I would feel the
  pain of losing something.  Many of the trims had begun to eat away at
  the Picard “clutter” arc and this was the scene where we begin to see him
  consider the attractions of a simpler lifestyle.  In addition, I thought
  Patrick gave his most endearing performance in the entire film here.  But
  the walk was four minutes long and it was followed almost immediately
  by another long scene between Picard and the Admiral.
  Jonathan, Rick and Peter tried half-a-dozen different versions of the
  scene.  Ultimately they decided the only choice was to cut it in half,
  picking it up after Picard sees the quilt.  But when they watched it in
  context with the entire filmʼs narrative, the relationship seemed rushed
  and artificial.  Peter Berger made a passionate case for restoring the
  entire walk and talk and Lansing finally agreed.  As a trade-off, we lost
  the short scene between Anij and Picard where she tells him, “You must
  spend your life asking questions.”  Another erosion of my clutter arc, but
  I agreed the picture played better without it.
  So did the second test audience.  The picture still had the old ending but
  with almost seven minutes taken out, it was clearly a better movie.  The
  test scores went up.  Once we added a better ending, we were sure weʼd
  get an even better response from audiences.
  I finished my first draft of the new action finale and sent it to Rick.  After
  spending a day polishing it, we distributed it to the studio: 
  [Note: existing footage is normal type, new scenes are bold] 
  INT. SON’A BRIDGE - (OPTICAL)
  Where Picard, Worf and Gallatin are firmly in
  command... see the real countdown display has been
  frozen at 00:06.   
  WORF
  All injector sub-systems on the collector are
  confirmed off-line.  Cryogenic reactors are
  stable.
  PICARD
  Decloak the holo-ship and engage a tractor
  beam, Mister Worf.
  As Worf presses panels and the holo-ship DECLOAKS on
  the viewscreen...
  MEDIUM ANGLE - GALLATIN
  watches from a console... behind him the Son’a bridge
  is deserted... as several small lights appear on a
  console, he crosses and presses a few panels to shut
  them off...
  GALLATIN
  The crew knows something’s happened.  I’ve
  secured the bridge.
  EXT. SPACE - THE HOLOSHIP
  held in the tractor beam... 
  INT. HOLO-SHIP COCKPIT - (OPTICAL)
  Ru’afo is frustrated...
  RU’AFO
  This ship is equipped with fourteen
  long range transporters... are they
  all useless...?
  TARLAC OFFICER #1
  (working the console)
  They must have been locked and
  secured after we were beamed here.
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  99
  
  RU’AFO
  Isolate 
  one 
  and 
  re-route 
  its
  command 
  sequence 
  through 
  the
  auxiliary processor...
  SON’A OFFICER #1
  Sir, there’s nothing we can do...
  they already have control of our
  ship.
  RU’AFO
  I don’t plan on going back to our ship.
  INT. SON’A BRIDGE - (OPTICAL)
  The collector filling the viewscreen.  Picard moves
  into frame, considers the majestic but deadly piece of
  space hardware.
  PICARD
  Mr. Worf... 
  (beat)
  Destroy that thing.
  WORF
  Aye, sir.
  Worf moves to a console, presses some panels, reacts,
  presses them again... off Picard’s look --
  WORF
  Weapons systems have been taken
  off-line.
  And now Gallatin moves to another console and checks
  readings...
  GALLATIN
  The 
  crew 
  is 
  rerouting 
  bridge
  controls...
  WORF
  Captain, there’s a problem aboard
  the collector.  The launch sequence
  has resumed.   
  He motions to the digital display... the countdown
  has started over, counting backwards at 02:55 now...
  Picard reacts...  Gallatin works the controls...
  GALLATIN
  The collector’s shields have been
  raised.  Someone’s on board.  
  (checking)
  It’s Ru’afo.
  PICARD
  Can 
  you 
  override 
  the 
  launch
  sequence from here?
  GALLATIN
  Not without his access codes...
  With much urgency, his mind working -- 
  PICARD
  Is there a self-destruct?
  GALLATIN
  (reacts, surprised)
  Yes, but without the codes it would
  have to be activated at the upper
  control matrix on the collector...
  PICARD
  (overlapping)
  ...Worf, find a way to beam through
  those shields...
  Worf goes to work... Gallatin shakes his head...
  GALLATIN
  ...you’d 
  have 
  to 
  detonate 
  it
  manually -- there’d only be a two
  second delay...   
  The bridge lights go out... hammering can be heard
  outside the bridge doors... they react...
  WORF
  (checking panels)
  We 
  may 
  be 
  able 
  to 
  transport
  between shield generators if we’re
  within one hundred meters...
  PICARD
  (to Gallatin)
  Take us into position and prepare a
  site to site transport.
  The countdown has reached 02:31...  Picard moves to
  Worf, takes the rifle out of the startled Klingon’s
  hands... he intended to follow his Captain into
  battle...
  WORF
  (reacts)
  Sir... 
  PICARD
  Remain at your post, Commander. I
  need you to stand by to beam me back. 
  GALLATIN
  We’re approaching the collector. 
  (Picard stands by for transport)
  One minute before separation you’ll
  see the cryogenic tanks venting...
  weapons fire could ignite the
  exhaust.
  EXT. SPACE - THE COLLECTOR - (OPTICAL)
  as the Son’a ship approaches...
  INT. COLLECTOR (OPTICAL)
  The weird cavernous room is left with a skeleton of
  structural elements now that all the sails are fully
  unfurled... it almost reminds of the support for an
  old-time roller coaster -- a cobweb of crisscrossing
  pipes, and conduits and planks...
  SON’A COMPUTER VOICE
  Separation in two minutes.
  RU’AFO - (OPTICAL)
  in a control area safely removed from the injector,
  working controls... the digital display moving back
  from 01:57... he doesn’t immediately see --
  ANGLE - PICARD - (OPTICAL)
  MATERIALIZING... maybe two hundred meters away from
  the  injector.  This is not an area built for manned
  operation... so Picard has to make do with the
  structural elements... he’s been beamed to a platform
  near the base of the sail substructure... his phaser
  rifle is strapped to his chest, commando style... he
  begins to climb toward the injector...
  WITH RU’AFO - (OPTICAL)
  an intruder alarm has sounded on his console ... he
  reacts... looks up at -
  P.O.V. - PICARD - (OPTICAL)
  climbing across the crisscrossing structure toward
  the injector...
  100
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  RU’AFO - (OPTICAL)
  fires a hand weapon toward Picard but it ricochets
  off the structural elements harmlessly...
  PICARD - (OPTICAL)
  looks down, making eye contact with Ru’afo, presses
  on...
  RU’AFO - (OPTICAL)
  abandons the control area, begins to climb after
  him... the countdown has reached 01:42.  {existing
  footage  ends at shot of Ru’afo, marked 280
  1301+05...
  61 runs about :45...}
  INT. SON’A BRIDGE 
  Worf and Gallatin turn as the doors burst open and
  Tarlac and Elloran soldiers pour in...  Gallatin
  doesn’t resist but Worf knocks one crewmen to the
  right, one to the left and throws one over his
  shoulder with strong Klingon martial arts moves... he
  moves quickly to a console and hits a companel...
  WORF
  Captain...! 
  Before he can finish, he is overwhelmed and pinned to
  the floor by five men.
  INT. COLLECTOR - CLOSE ON PICARD
  as he reacts to the cut-off in Worf’s message...
  PICARD
  Worf?
  No response.  He continues to pull himself higher...
  WIDE 
  Picard and Ru’afo look like spiders crawling across a
  web... and the trick for Ru’afo is to angle himself
  so he can get a clear shot at Picard...
  WIDE - THE SPIDER WEB SHOT - (OPTICAL)
  as Picard scrambles the last few yards toward the
  injector assembly...  {This section currently runs
  :10 and ends at 280 7222+10.}
  EXT. SPACE - BRIAR PATCH - THE ENTERPRISE - (OPTICAL)
  on its way back...
  INT. ENTERPRISE BRIDGE
  Riker at Command, Supernumerary at Conn, Perim at Ops,
  Daniels at Tactical.  Basic repairs have been done,
  but the bridge still shows signs of the battle.
  DANIELS
  Commander, I’m picking up Captain
  Picard’s bio-signature on board the
  Collector...
  Off Riker’s reaction...
  INT. COLLECTOR - CLOSE ON PICARD (OPTICAL)
  still climbing.
  RIKER’S COM VOICE
  Enterprise to Picard...
  PICARD
  (reacts)
  Number One.
  RIKER’S COM VOICE
  We’re approaching your position.
  Do you need assistance...
  A phaser shot just misses Picard.  He ducks behind a
  pillar. 
  PICARD
  I might be needing a lift in a
  minute or so.  Wait for my signal.
  As Picard exits frame left to right...
  RIKER’S COM VOICE
  We’re on our way.
  INT. COLLECTOR
  Picard runs across the catwalk... Ru’afo gets him in
  his sights again and is ready to pull the trigger when
  suddenly the cryogenic tanks vent nitrogen gas...
  SON’A COMPUTER
  Ignition in one minute.
  Ru’afo pulls back the weapon, knowing he can’t fire
  without igniting the fumes now... he climbs in a
  hurry, tired and out of breath...
  ANGLE IN THE COMPUTER ASSEMBLY (OPTICAL)
  where another digital display shows the countdown at
  00:55... Picard, breathing hard, moves to a wall of
  circuits where he finds the control matrix...
  {existing footage ends at 280 3474-15 runs about
  :20...}
  INSERT LOWER PANEL
  As Picard opens it... presses a few buttons, stands
  and opens the upper panel...   
  INT. ENTERPRISE BRIDGE
  is rocked by an explosion.
  RIKER
  Report!
  DANIELS
  It’s Ru’afo’s ship. 
  RIKER
  On screen. 
  INCLUDE THE VIEWSCREEN (OPTICAL)
  to 
  see 
  Ru’afo’s 
  ship 
  firing 
  weapons 
  as 
  it
  approaches...  the ringed planet seen far in the
  distance...
  PERIM
  Sensors are reading over a hundred
  Ba’ku on board... and one Klingon.
  Riker frowns, there’s no time for this... he needs a
  daring plan and fast...
  RIKER
  Target their ventral engines and
  life support.  Set a collision
  course.
  61 Reference to the time code on the edited copy of the film
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  101
  
  INT. COLLECTOR
  {Existing footage from Scene 280Q with new inserts}
  Picard is at work on the computer controls, aligning a
  sequence of circuits, when Ru’afo appears behind him...
  RU’AFO
  Stop.
  Picard turns to see Ru’afo on the support structure,
  climbing up toward him, his gun trained on Picard...
  Picard glances again at the countdown which has
  reached 00:42... both men are exhausted, sweaty and
  out of breath... fumes billow between them...
  PICARD
  We’re getting too old for this,
  Ru’afo.
  RU’AFO
  After today, that won’t be a
  problem.  For either of us.
  SON’A COMPUTER VOICE
  Ignition in thirty seconds. 
  PICARD
  Are you really going to risk
  igniting the exhaust?
  Their eyes are locked.  Picard smiles.
  PICARD
  No?  All right.  Then I will.
  Ru’afo reacts as Picard grabs his rifle and fires a
  single shot at the fumes as he dives for cover behind
  a standing console...
  RU’AFO
  No!
  There’s a tremendous flash and smoke... Ru’afo is
  knocked back by the impact, his hood thrown off,
  revealing the stretched skin stapled to his head...
  {existing footage ends at 280 5233+10, runs about :38}
  INT. ENTERPRISE BRIDGE (OPTICAL)
  As Ru’afo’s ship looms ever larger on the viewscreen,
  still blasting away... the bridge rocking as the
  shields absorb the blows...
  PERIM
  Shields at sixty percent.
  RIKER
  Hold your course.
  INT. SON’A BRIDGE (OPTICAL)
  The Enterprise about to collide on the viewscreen...
  The Son’a officer turns to Worf who is under guard,
  observing...
  SON’A OFFICER
  He wouldn’t. 
  WORF
  (smiles)
  Yes.  He would. 
  The Son’a officer finally hits a control and ship
  veers sharply away...
  INT. ENTERPRISE BRIDGE - RIKER CLOSE UP
  RIKER
  Now! 
  EXT. SPACE - BRIAR PATCH - THE ENTERPRISE AND THE
  SON’A SHIP - (OPTICAL)
  veer off from one another like two DC10s trying to
  avoid a mid-air collision... their undersides almost
  scraping... as they do... the Enterprise fires
  phasers...
  THE SON’A SHIP’S BELLY (OPTICAL)
  is hit in specific areas... we see small explosions
  occurring...
  INT. COLLECTOR - RU’AFO’S HAND
  comes into frame and he pulls himself back up to the
  platform... 
  PICARD
  still connecting circuits... The countdown is at
  0:00:09...
  RIKER’S COM VOICE
  Stand by, Captain.  We’re right
  around the corner.
  Picard grins, well, too bad but it’s been a great
  ride...
  PICARD
  (to himself)
  Sorry.  Time’s up.
  And... he connects the final circuit in the
  sequence...  As he does, we hear a distant boom and...
  102
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  EXT. SPACE - THE COLLECTOR (OPTICAL)
  We see a second explosion at the far end...
  INT. COLLECTOR - (OPTICAL)
  Ru’afo climbs to his feet, looks down...
  RU’AFO’S POV - THE APPROACHING FIREBALL
  RU’AFO
  reacts to his impending death... 
  EXT. SPACE - BRIAR PATCH - THE ENTERPRISE - (OPTICAL)
  in an extraordinary shot, flies right along the
  collector, literally racing the cascading explosions
  toward Picard’s position...
  INT. COLLECTOR - (OPTICAL)
  Picard and Ru’afo watch the approaching fireball...
  and just as the explosions sweep through... Picard
  DISAPPEARS in a transporter effect...
  RU’AFO - (OPTICAL)
  isn’t so lucky... as a fraction of a second later, the
  fireball obliterates him and...  
  EXT. SPACE - THE COLLECTOR (OPTICAL)
  blows apart in a cataclysmic explosion...
  INT. ENTERPRISE BRIDGE (OPTICAL)
  As Picard enters...
  PICARD
  What kept you, Number One...? 
  RIKER
  (smiles)
  The Federation Council asked me to
  inform 
  you 
  that 
  the 
  Ba’ku
  relocation will be halted while
  they conduct a top level review.
  Picard squeezes his First Officer’s shoulder,
  delighted by the news.
  DANIELS
  Sir, Ru’afo’s ship is hailing us.
  PICARD & RIKER
  (in unison)
  On screen.
  They glance at each other.
  INT. SON’A BRIDGE (TO APPEAR ON VIEWSCREEN)
  Worf is surrounded by his very nervous captors...
  WORF
  Captain, the Son’a crew would like
  to negotiate a cease fire.  It may
  have something to do with the fact
  that we have three minutes of air
  left.
  PICARD
  (grins)
  We have plenty over here.  Prepare
  to beam aboard.
  As Worf acknowledges... {Cut to Tag
  62}
  The note came back from the studio -- we like it but canʼt we make the
  space battle bigger?  Only if you move the release date, said Rick. For
  a major studio to move the release date of their Christmas movie was
  simply not an option.  The scene was shot as written, the picture was
  locked and sent to the lab.  This time, my work really was finished.
  62 Closing scene(s) that wrap up the movie
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  103
  
  THE CURSE
  The first screening of the finished film was on the Paramount lot about
  ten days before the premiere.  It was another one of those
  anomalousaudiences.  Patrick and his agent were there.  So were Rick
  and Jonathan and LeVar and Donna Murphy.  Several journalists
  attended.  A lot of industry people.  Very few fans.
  I was sitting behind a noted critic who has a reputation for not always
  paying attention to a screening when heʼs bored.  It made me recall the
  words of Harry Cohn, the legendary head of Columbia Pictures a half-
  century ago, who announced that his ass always tells him how good a
  picture is.  If itʼs moving around a lot in the seat, he said, itʼs a bad
  picture.  So, as I watched the film, I also watched the criticʼs rear end out
  of the corner of my eye.  I caught a squirm during the main titles but then
  it settled down.  Other asses seemed firmly entrenched as well.  I was
  hopeful.
  But then, as the end credits began to roll, whoever was sitting behind me
  sighed to his companion: “Well, itʼs an odd number.”
  The curse.   
  See, in Star Trek mythology, thereʼs a curse on odd numbered films in the
  series.  The even ones are good.  The odd ones are bad.
  So, there in the darkness of the Paramount studio theater, two years of
  my life had been defined simply as “an odd number.”
  My wife and I left quickly.  I didnʼt want to stand around and hear the
  congratulations that would be said with Hollywood sincerity.  And
  besides, I wasnʼt sure anyone had told Patrick that his kisses with Donna
  Murphy had been cut out of the film.  (In fact, Jonathan Frakes had told
  him in advance and Patrick reportedly thought it a wise decision.)
  I had just turned in a new television pilot script to the WB network and
  so I really had nothing to do the week before the premiere except wait.
  Where I had ignored Buzz during the writing process, now it became my
  lifeline.  I surfed the net two or three times daily, waiting for people who
  had seen advanced screenings around the country (most of them for
  exhibitors and critics) to write in.
  The first posting was from a writer on a genre website and it was mixed
  and sarcastic about my “over-ambitious” script filled with “new-age”
  philosophy.  But the writer found it too cheerful a film to genuinely hate.
  And then to my amazement, almost every other reaction posted, maybe
  twenty of them, were positive.
  Most of these were from fans whoʼd been guests at these screenings
  and might not be indicative of critics or the public at large but they were
  fans and they were saying they “appreciated the change of pace,” “the
  crew finally gets to have a little fun,” “itʼs what Star Trek is all about.”
  Many of them noted that theyʼd gone in expecting not to like it because
  of what theyʼd heard but were delightfully surprised.
  Journalists whoʼd interviewed me started to call to tell me about
  enthusiastic screenings theyʼd attended.  “The consensus is the curse
  has finally been broken,” one told me.  There was an odd quality about
  their praise -- almost as though they were apologizing for liking it so
  much.  It wasnʼt what they expected -- nobody saved the universe here,
  there were no space monsters.
  But they loved the humor and they loved the ensemble work of the
  characters, they loved Brentʼs performance and they thought Patrick was
  as attractive in this film as theyʼd ever seen him.  It reminded them of why
  they fell in love with Star Trek in the first place.  One journalistʼs comment
  summed it up for many of the peopleʼs reactions:  “As I came out of the
  theater, I said to myself, ʻThis is my Next Generation.ʼ” 
  But this was still before the picture premiered.  And I was resting on
  laurels from maybe twenty-five people on the Internet and positive
  reports that the studio had received from screenings around the country.
  My agent called and counseled me about a rewrite of a feature Iʼd been
  approached to write.  “I want you to take a meeting even if youʼre only
  halfway interested,” he said. “It would be good to have something else
  in the bank just in case your picture doesnʼt open well.”
  And with that chilling thought in mind, I packed my bags and went off to
  the premiere in Las Vegas.
  104
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  105
  
  Maybe you can tell by now but Iʼm not a Vegas kind of guy and I wasnʼt
  thrilled that I had to go there for the premiere which was launching the
  first CineVegas Film Festival.  But I was determined to turn it into a family
  event and managed to secure tickets for our three kids, my wife and her
  mother to join us.  Although reluctant at first, even my mother decided to
  bundle herself up and join us from New York.  “This trip will kill me, I want
  you to know that,” she said.
  The studio borrowed the L.A. Lakersʼ charter plane with seats that had
  the most amazing leg room youʼll ever see.  Patrick, Jonathan and Rick
  were on board.  Gates McFadden brought her nephew.  Garrett Wang
  from Star Trek: Voyager chatted up Nicole DeBoer, the cute actress who
  had joined the cast of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine replacing Worfʼs dead
  wife.  Don Granger gave me what-he-called his standard speech about
  reviews.  “Youʼll get hundreds of then,” he said.  “Some will be great.
  Some will be awful.  Just remember thatʼs true of every movie that comes
  out.”  Iʼd brought along the first newspaper review that Iʼd read from Mike
  Antonucci at the San Jose Mercury News.  It was very positive.  Spirits
  were high.
  We were met at a private runway in Las Vegas by a caravan of twenty-
  five double stretch limos.  It was the kind of scene you try to snap-shot
  in your mind, knowing it may never come again.  
  Twenty minutes later, my wife and I were deposited on the red carpet
  outside Ballyʼs Hotel lined with photographers and reporters and fans,
  none of whom had the first interest in me.  “Hello, whoever you are,” said
  one fan.  In a strange twist, I ran into one of the sponsors of the festival,
  a writer I know named Michael Berk.  Michael co-created Baywatch and
  when they were looking for someone to run the writing staff they
  interviewed me for the job.  I didnʼt get it.  If they had hired me, I wouldnʼt
  have been available for another job that became available a month later
  at Star Trek: The Next Generation.  “Weʼre responsible for your success,”
  Michael said with a laugh.  
  We didnʼt linger on the carpet.  My family had flown in on a commercial
  plane and I wanted to make sure theyʼd arrived okay.  An usher took us
  to our seats in the Jubilee Theater, converted for the night into a state-
  of-the-art movie house.
  I found my family safe and sound, escorted by Eric my assistant.  I was
  wearing glasses (which I find I have to do more and more these days)
  and my mother had to look twice before she recognized me.  I kissed her
  hello, noted thankfully that she was still alive, and escorted them all to
  our seats.
  Rick pulled me aside.  “New York Times,” he said.  And then he held a
  thumbs up.  The New York Times -- damn, they hadnʼt always been kind
  to Star Trek movies -- but they liked this one.
  Wrapped in the warmth of the Timesʼ review, I settled in for the movie to
  start.  Sherry Lansing introduced the cast and Rick and Jonathan and
  me.  She mispronounced my name for which I immediately forgave her.
  I have an introduction phobia myself.
  As the movie started and the first laughter began, I relaxed and recalled
  the Joel McCrea character in Sullivan’s Travels, a favorite movie of mine,
  written and directed by Preston Sturges, one of the Paramount ghosts
  who greeted me at the studio every dawn.  McCrea plays a Hollywood
  director who wants to make a dark film to reflect the troubled times of the
  ʻ30s Depression.  He goes on a personal odyssey to find a serious topic
  for the film, travelling across country incognito, until he gets himself into
  real trouble and winds up in prison.  Feeling true misery for the first time,
  he shuffles with the other prisoners into a bleak room where a projector
  and a screen have been set up for the eveningʼs recreation -- a long way
  from his private screening room in Beverly Hills.  As a Mickey Mouse
  cartoon begins, the convicts explode into laughter at the dumbest little
  jokes... embracing every opportunity to escape the hard reality of their
  lives.  Only then, does Joel MacCrea awaken to the desperate need for
  laughter in dark and cynical times.
  THE OPENING
  106
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  107
  
  This is the part of the book where I tell you I donʼt pay any attention to
  reviews.
  “Iʼll know about the thumbs by six tonight,” Rick had told me the day
  before the premiere.  The studio apparently had a spy watching Siskel
  and Ebert tape their show.
  Iʼd known Gene Siskel twenty-five years ago in Chicago when I was
  producing the five oʼclock news and we needed a film critic.  He got the
  job -- his first job in television.  He had a bushy moustache in those days
  and one day he said he was thinking about cutting it off.  “It adds
  character,” I told him.  “If you want a television career, you ought to keep
  it.”  So much for the wisdom of my advice.  Over the years, weʼd fallen
  out of touch.  I knew Gene wouldnʼt show any favoritism - in fact I was
  worried heʼd bend over backwards not to show any.  I remembered that
  time in touch football when I humiliated him by catching pass after pass
  as he tried to cover me.  He wouldnʼt hold that against me, would he?
  But when six oʼclock came, my problems were with Ebert not Siskel.
  Gene gave it thumbs up.  Roger, thumbs down.  There were no details.  
  The next night, after the premiere party, I went up to my room at the
  Hilton, turned on my laptop and surfed the web for the next several
  hours, visiting every major city in the country, poking my nose into the
  major newspapersʼ morning editions.  
  There were a lot of bad reviews.
  There were also a lot of good reviews.
  In addition to the Times, strong notices came from the Washington Post,
  San Francisco Chronicle, Detroit News, Boston Globe, Cincinnati Post,
  Charlotte Observer...
  Pans from The Chicago Tribune, Dallas Morning News, Newsday,
  Entertainment Weekly, Hollywood Reporter, Reuters...
  Dozens more pro and con and in between.  I had hoped for a strong
  positive consensus.  It wasnʼt there.  
  Here are a few excerpts from the negative reviews.  Iʼve asked Eric to
  pull out some of the very worst.  Youʼve walked in my shoes for almost
  two years now.  Imagine how it must have felt to read these --
  James Verniere, Boston Herald:  “Fans will have themselves to blame if
  they don’t reject Star Trek: Insurrection... and send a message to
  Paramount.  Supposedly a lighter entry in the series after the horror film
  like Star Trek: First Contact, Insurrection is cheesy-looking and badly
  written.”
  Michael Wilmington, Chicago Tribune: “If you wanted to dream up a
  movie parodying many of the excesses of Star Trek from 1966 to today
  -- you couldn’t have done any better (or worse) -- than this.”
  Mr. Showbiz:  “Most of Insurrection’s failures can be laid at the feet of it’s
  lame and unimaginative script, which hangs by the thinnest of logical
  threads and has been cobbled together from pieces of too many original
  and Next Generation TV episodes...”
  Daniel Neman, The Richmond Times-Dispatch:  “First-time feature-film
  writer Michael Piller caps the experience with that special Star Trek
  dialogue that could always stand a good rewrite:  ‘The android!  He’s out
  of control!  He’s heading toward the village!’ is Piller’s idea of action
  exposition, while noble determination is handled with, ‘If a court martial
  is the only way to tell the people of the Federation what is happening
  here, I welcome it.’  ... The people making Star Trek films should just give
  up and make only even-numbered movies...”
  Bruce Westbrook, Houston Chronicle:  If we applied old-style movie hype
  to Star Trek: Insurrection -- with a touch of irony -- it easily could sound
  like this:
  “See! Cadaverous, cranky bad guys obsessed with face lifts!
  “Hear! Dialogue such as ‘Reroute its command sequence through the
  auxiliary processor!’
  “Thrill! As good guys fight to preserve the status quo of a small commune
  of boring, pacifist vegetarians!
  “The problems stem from the screenplay by Michael Piller... he’s a first-
  time film screenwriter -- and it shows.”
  I wonʼt lie.  These hurt.  For reasons I canʼt explain, bad reviews linger
  in the memory longer than the good ones.  I had my own criticisms of the
  work (which Iʼll share in the final chapter), but I never expected the
  hostility that some critics expressed.  Iʼd done pretty well with critics in
  television over the years.  I guess, even with Don Grangerʼs warnings, I
  wasnʼt quite prepared for this.  Even though I eventually received
  hundreds of reviews from the studio publicity department, I stopped
  reading them after the first day.  
  Still, there were many, many positive reviews, some from very influential
  sources.  In the name of equal time, as well as propping up my fragile
  ego, here are my favorite excerpts.  Iʼve made them longer than the
  negative ones because itʼs self-serving.
  George Powell, San Francisco Examiner:  “The ability to tell an old story
  freshly and with fervor has never been more evident than in “Star Trek:
  Insurrection"...  Little did any critic or science-fiction fan realize in 1966,
  as the TV show made its debut, that 32 years later the same hopeful
  values and vision espoused by creator Gene Roddenberry would be the
  subject of such a rousing and satisfying film... a polished film that shines
  like a crown jewel in the “Star Trek” firmament.”
  Rita Kempley, Washington Post: “Insurrection [is] the funniest, most
  character-driven of the Next Generation’s three big-screen treks... As
  with most Trek sagas, this movie reunites us with characters who are old
  friends and gives us an imaginative -- if campy -- story in which all
  possibilities are invariably realized.  And as you walk from the theater to
  your car, you find yourself thinking, if only for a few seconds, that if
  Klingons can tolerate Cardasians and Ferengies, perhaps there’s hope
  for Serbs and Croats.”
  Stephen Holden, New York Times:  “Some good things really do last, if
  not forever, then longer than anyone might reasonably have expected.
  Take Star Trek.  If Star Trek: Insurrection, the latest installment, is little
  more than a glorified television episode, it still has all the ingredients that
  have made it a perennial, with a few extras, including improved special
  effects... Insurrection is breezily paced, and Michael Piller’s screenplay
  has enough good-natured humor to keep things from bogging down into
  sentimental pomposity... With its vision of a peaceable kingdom of
  eternal youth in an agrarian arts-and-crafts paradise in a California
  environment, Insurrection is an appealing millennial throwback to the
  hippie dream that is part and parcel of Star Trek’s utopian ethos.”
  Mark Altman has no influence with the general public, but as a noted
  science fiction critic, heʼs been writing in genre magazines about Star
  Trek well before I ever knew what a turbolift was.  Everybody at Star
  THE MORNING AFTER
  108
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  
  Trek considers Altman the Anti-Christ.  Heʼs ripped us apart in print over
  and over again, without a doubt the toughest critic of this franchise.  The
  last time Mark Altman wrote anything about me it was to say what a lousy
  job I had done during the second season of Star Trek: Voyager.
  Hereʼs some of what he wrote about the movie:
  “Star Trek: Insurrection, the latest in what has become a seemingly
  cookie cutter franchise, beats the odds (and the odd; more accurately,
  the odd numbered curse, that is) by being one of the best films in the
  Trek motion picture series.
  “...What it lacks in physical scope, it makes up for through its cerebral
  storyline and moral quandary marking it as one of the more thought
  provoking and compelling entries in the motion picture series twenty year
  history.
  “...What Insurrection does to inject new life into the timeworn franchise
  is go back to the very roots of the Star Trek series foundation.  Piller does
  this not only by using an ethical and moral dilemma as the underpinnings
  of the story but by also relying on wit and sensuality to color his
  characters... all the characters are rich and interesting.
  “...The actors have never been so loose and fun to watch as they are
  here.  While writer Piller may find it anathema, I believe that the film is the
  first time that the Next Generation characters have captured the charm,
  wit and idealism of the original series.”
  So, is it as good as Mark Altman says it is?  Or as bad as those other
  guys said?  How do you explain why two newspaper critics in San
  Francisco adored it while two newspaper critics in Dallas-Ft. Worth hated
  it?  I wish I knew.
  I finally found Roger Ebertʼs published review on the internet during the
  early morning after the premiere:
  “...Our own civilization routinely kills legions of people in wars large and
  small for reasons of ideology, territory, religion, or geography.  Would we
  contemplate removing 600 people from their native environment in order
  to grant immortality to everyone alive?  In a flash.  It would be difficult,
  indeed, to fashion a philosophical objection to such a move, which would
  result in the greatest good for the greatest number of people...”
  Memo to Roger Ebert: the point of the movie was exactly that.  If we
  found the fountain of youth today, I have no doubt that weʼd steal it from
  whomever it rightfully belonged and very likely destroy them if they
  fought back.  But it might be nice to consider the moral implications of our
  actions.
  As for Gene Siskel, well, I didnʼt see his review but I started getting calls
  about it after he appeared on the CBS Morning News on Friday:
  “Let me be honest, I don’t know much about the whole world of Star Trek.
  I wouldn’t know a Klingon if one came up and bit me.  In fact, I don’t even
  know if Klingons have teeth, but I do know a good movie when I see one
  and Star Trek: Insurrection is one.
  “Star Trek: Insurrection is one of the best in the series, with a good story,
  exciting conflict and, at times, some cutting-edge effects that truly
  entertain.
  “...A Star Trek tradition is a story with some kind of moral lesson, and
  “Insurrection” is no exception.  Here is Captain Picard’s sermon on the
  mount -- Mt. Ba’ku.  (Clip:  Captain Picard confronts Admiral Dougherty...) 
  PICARD
  We are betraying the principles
  upon which the Federation was
  founded... this is an attack on its
  very soul.
  (beat)
  And it will destroy the Ba’ku.
  Just 
  as 
  cultures 
  have 
  been
  destroyed in every other forced
  relocation throughout history.
  DOUGHERTY
  Jean-Luc, we are only moving six
  hundred people.
  PICARD
  (beat)
  How many people does it take...
  before 
  it 
  becomes 
  wrong? 
   
  A
  thousand?  Fifty thousand?  A
  million?  How many will it take,
  Admiral?
  “That’s good writing.  It sounds better than anything Yoda ever said.  But
  I looked up who did the writing on this picture and I found out it was
  someone that I actually knew and worked with about twenty-five years
  ago at this very station, WBBM-TV, CBS-2 Chicago, and his name is
  Michael Piller, and he has written a really good script.  Keep it up, Mike.
  Congratulations.  This is a good film to see, even if you don’t follow the
  whole Star Trek series, as I don’t follow it.”
  Thanks, Gene.
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  109
  
  Reviews are quickly forgotten in this town.  Money is remembered.  In the
  age-old Hollywood tradition, the quality of my work would be measured
  in dollars.  First, in how much we grossed the first weekend -- the daily
  trades would trumpet the filmʼs success or failure on Monday morning --
  and eventually on the total domestic and foreign grosses earned.
  I understood the facts of life about my career after this picture.  If the
  movie opened well, Iʼd be hot.  If it didnʼt, not.
  Then weʼd have to wait to see if the movie had “legs” or staying power.
  Star Trek movies usually fall off quickly after a strong opening.  The
  average domestic gross of the eight previous movies was about $80
  million.  Star Trek: First Contact had grossed $92 million; Star Trek
  Generations $75.7 million.  If Star Trek: Insurrection broke the 100-
  million-dollar mark, the screenplay would be credited for being
  entertaining, fun and uplifting, perfect relief to depressing current events.
  If the numbers came in the eighties or nineties, the screenplay would be
  another solid entry that didnʼt disappoint the legions of Trek fans.
  Seventies or worse -- the screenplay would be criticized for being soft
  and chick-friendly when everyone knows the guys who see these kinds
  of movies want bigger and better thrills in their action films.
  Iʼd been curious about how the studio decided to market the film.  Most
  of trailers Iʼd seen emphasized the action.  Since this was a film that was
  notably lighter and more romantic, why wouldnʼt the studio want to get
  the word out?  After all, weʼd already seen how women and non-Trek
  audiences responded positively during our tests. 
  But it was explained to me that Star Trek: Insurrection was being
  positioned as the only action alternative in a crowded holiday line-up.
  Emphasizing the “date movie” qualities of the film would not work, the
  studio believed, because of the competition from You’ve Got Mail and
  Stepmom.  
  I tracked the box office over the weekend from reports published on the
  web.  The Friday box office came in at nine-million.  Frankly, I didnʼt know
  if that was bad or good.  All I knew was that the studio was hoping for a
  number in the twenties for the first weekend.  Nine was almost half way
  there.  But then I went to the 4:30pm, Saturday showing of the movie at
  Mannʼs Chinese (I wanted to see it with a real audience), and the theater
  was half-empty.  That scared me to death.
  Friends had warned to expect a dip on Saturday because the hard-core
  Trekkers always come out on Friday.  But how much of a dip would it be?
  Finally, the report came in... only about a 17% drop-off.  Seven and a half
  mil on day two and the studio was estimating $22.4 million for the
  weekend.
  63
  Varietyʼs Monday headline:  “WARP SPEED B.O. LEAD”
  Hollywood Reporterʼs Monday Headline:  “ʻTREKʼ UPRISING SEIZES
  NO. 1”
  A producer I was working with on another script called.  “The numbers
  are wonderful for our project,” she said.  “Youʼve established yourself!”
  That night, Don Granger called me to say the studio was delighted with
  the opening.  Yes, it was lower than the last film but that one had opened
  at Thanksgiving before anyone started their Christmas shopping.  This
  was the fourth highest December opening in motion picture history.
  Even more important, said Don, “The exit polls were terrific.  They love
  it.  You did your job.”
  On Tuesday morning, the Hollywood Reporter reported:
  “The ninth installment in the series sported a solid demographic profile
  and positive reaction, which should enable it to hold up relatively well
  through the important post-Christmas moviegoing period.
  “Males led females by a 3-2 margin in surveys conducted Friday night by
  CinemaScore, a ratio in line with the previous Star Trek movies.  The
  age profile skewed older but not by such a share as to suggest that the
  frequent-filmgoing younger set is staying way.
  “The overall 92% favorable grade suggests that audiences were quite
  satisfied with this latest telling of the exploits of the Starship Enterprise.
  Of course, Trekkies are not the most objective of observers, but even
  less-fanatical customers will likely find something to like in the film given
  such a high initial score.”
  The optimism didnʼt last long.  The following weekend, the week before
  Christmas, the gross fell over sixty percent and never recovered.  The
  final domestic box office was tabbed at xxx-million, what Paramount
  would probably describe as a modest success because the movie will
  earn a profit for the studio.  But because Insurrectionʼs domestic grosses
  were significantly less than the last movie, there will be much research
  and analysis to try to figure out why.  Many issues will be discussed
  including marketing strategies, release date, nature of the competition,
  weather, demographic appeal of the franchise, the possibility of over-
  saturation of Star Trek in various media... and most certainly a great deal
  of the discussion will center on the creative and conceptual decisions
  that we made.  To listen in on what theyʼll saying, please turn back to the
  first page of this chapter, paragraph three, last line.
  The studioʼs final judgements will be applied to the successful launch of
  Star Trek X and it will be a successful launch because as any psychic can
  tell you, ten is an even number.
  Is there a lesson for the writer in these box office numbers?  After all,
  here is the cold, hard audience response to my work in dollars and cents.
  Shouldnʼt a writer listen to what the gross receipts are telling him change
  his approach next time?
  Let me give you the same answer I would have given if the picture had
  earned a hundred million (although I would have been more cheerful as
  I said it): No.
  Sure, they call it “The Picture Business”.  And yes, the pictures are
  supposed to make money.  But that isnʼt our job.  Itʼs the studioʼs.  There
  has always been a tension between the creative interests and the
  business interests in film-making and that tension must be preserved at
  all costs.
  The moment we cross the line and start writing with an eye toward higher
  grosses (or TV ratings), to borrow a line from the script, we lose
  everything we are.
  THE MONEY
  110
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  63 Actual opening weekend: $22,052,836
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  111
  
  Would I change anything now that itʼs over?  Sure.  Here are a couple
  of second guesses.
  I started out with a vision of man standing alone on a mountainside
  holding a phaser rifle, defending a weak and helpless people against
  two of the most powerful forces in galaxy.  A true mythic hero against
  impossible odds.
  Thatʼs not quite how it turned out.  
  Iʼm not satisfied that, when all was said and done, we adequately
  established the odds against Picard.  Yes, maybe one less cut in the
  ground action might have helped -- the attack comes from only three
  Sonʼa shuttlecraft and the drones -- but thatʼs not really at the heart of the
  issue as I look back at it now.  The true villain in the picture is the
  Federation leadership, but as written, their crimes are mostly
  philosophical.  That leaves the Sonʼa, whom I described in dialogue as
  “petty thugs”, to provide the entire threat.  I think the film might have had
  more scope if Iʼd pitted Starfleet forces as well as Sonʼa against Picard
  and crew.
  The second second-guess: when much of the “clutter arc” wound up on
  the editing room floor, we lost most of Picardʼs personal journey.  I wish
  I had started with a more substantial arc for Picard -- one that could have
  withstood the loss of a scene or two.  The clutter arc as written was just
  too subtle to survive.  I have to reiterate that, based on the assembled
  film, I fully endorsed the cuts that Jonathan, Rick and the studio decided
  to make.  But a trip to the fountain of youth deserves a profound re-birth
  of some kind for the hero and we didnʼt quite get there.
  Thatʼs a missed opportunity, one that bothers me a lot.  I keep thinking
  back to how the script might have changed if we had faded in to find
  Picard weary from two years of war, first with the Borg and now with the
  Dominion, having lost many crew members fighting to protect the ideals
  of the Federation.  Now, he discovers his own command is about to
  sacrifice those very ideals to steal the Baʼku planet.  In that scenario,
  the peaceful world would have provided an immediate contrast to
  Picardʼs dark days of war.   
  My colleague, Alan Spencer, tells the story of the artist who is caught
  trying to steal his own work from the Louvre.  “I just want to finish a few
  things in my painting that arenʼt quite right yet,” he says. “Itʼs not yours
  anymore,” says the Louvre guard as they take him away.  “Itʼs ours now.”
  As I consider the work that will forever be ʻunfinishedʼ in my mind, there
  is still much that I find pleasing in Star Trek: Insurrection.  I wanted to
  write a film that was uplifting and optimistic in the Roddenberry tradition.
  I wanted to explore the intellectual, moral leadership that I felt set Picard
  apart from other heroes.  I wanted to show how this crew is a family that
  love and support one another.  And I wanted to get the Enterprise back
  to exploring strange new worlds.  Star Trek: Insurrection achieves those
  goals.
  Is it a good movie?  Thatʼs up to you.
  Whether your thumb is up or down, I know I brought every skill I have to
  this screenplay.  A writer canʼt ask any more of himself.
  When you start a screenplay, you never know where itʼs going to take
  you.  Or what youʼll have when itʼs done.  I tell young writers what I
  always try to remember myself: enjoy the journey.  Itʼs the best advice I
  have to offer.  And the journey is enjoyable for me when, and only when,
  Iʼm writing about something meaningful to me.  Thatʼs when I can bring
  a passion to my work.
  In a recent interview, Lawrence Kasdan, speaking about The Big Chill,
  said, “...if youʼre passionate about your work, you can get almost
  anything made.”
  64
  I wish I could agree.  I think if youʼre Lawrence
  Kasdan, you can get anything made.  The Catch-22 for the rest of us is
  -- if we ever want to be Lawrence Kasdan -- we have to write with
  passion or weʼll never get there.   
  Itʼs a tough choice sometimes, especially when there are bills to pay.  A
  choice between writing material you donʼt really care about for money or
  writing something that matters to you, often without compensation.  I
  wonʼt minimize the wrenching pain that comes when something youʼve
  written and deeply care about stirs no one elseʼs interest. But Iʼm
  haunted by my conscience �- I still hear the words “Shame on you” when
  I consider doing it for the dough.  After all, thatʼs my name on the script.
  I know itʼs easy for me to say -- I get checks every week from Star Trek
  whether I sell anything new or not.  But I wouldnʼt have been in a position
  to take advantage of the Star Trek opportunities if Iʼd written without
  passion throughout my career.
  By now, you know pretty well what gets me passionate about a project.
  I want it to make me feel something.  I want it to engage my heart and
  my mind.  If thatʼs where Iʼm coming from as I write, then itʼs possible -
  if I do my job well - to make the audience feel something too.
  Thereʼs a new kind of action writing in Hollywood that I simply donʼt know
  how to do.  It begins - even before a word is put down on paper - with
  identifying “set pieces”, big self-contained action moments that are
  thrilling and memorable, and then finding some way to string all your set
  pieces into a coherent narrative.  The theory is that audiences are really
  coming for the “eye candy” -- to see how weʼve filled the screen with
  awesome visuals and special effects.  Set pieces sound great in pitches
  and make for good coming attractions but in my opinion, this approach
  almost never results in a good movie because it abandons the
  fundamental demands of story-telling.
  Of course, I want top-notch visuals and effects, but I donʼt go to the
  movies to see them.  I go to see stories about interesting characters.
  Itʼs hard for me to feel anything about hardware.  The best evidence in
  recent years to support my argument: Titanic, certainly the greatest
  hardware movie ever made.  But that movie worked because and only
  because writer-director James Cameron took the time to make us care
  about Jack and Rose.  Believe me, my little girl didnʼt go see the movie
  six times because the ship sank -- she went back to see if Leo might just
  make it this time.
  In sixth grade, Artie Paulson and I always stayed up late on Friday nights
  to watch The Twilight Zone.  Never missed it.  I started writing Twilight
  Zone short stories.  I just wanted to make other people feel the way Rod
  Serling made me feel.  I still do.  They were low budget shows, filmed in
  black and white and had minimal special effects but it remains a
  benchmark of good writing for me because every show told us a little bit
  about who we are and who we might be.  Iʼve tried to do that with each
  Star Trek script Iʼve worked on and I think thatʼs what Gene Roddenberry
  was asking me to do.  I tried to do it with Star Trek: Insurrection.
  One of the first reactions to this film was from an anonymous fan who
  wrote a long and thoughtful letter to a website that included many pros
  and cons before concluding with the line: “...this movie left me with a
  nice warm feeling inside.”
  I wonder if she realizes how much that matters to the guy sitting in my
  chair.  A comment like that... well, thatʼs what makes all the sleepless
  nights worthwhile.  Thatʼs why I became a writer.
  GOOD AND WELFARE
  112
  FADE IN: From Idea to Final Draft
  64 Entertainment Weekly, Nov. 6, 199
  
  The Writing of Star Trek: Insurrection
  113
  
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  Design and Layout - Pineapples101
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