TEXT: THE USE OF MORTON’S LITE:13% INVOLVES AN
  INHERENTLY DANGEROUS ACTIVITY THAT MAY
  RESULT IN SERIOUS INJURY TO YOUR HEALTH.
  By agreeing to play Morton’s Lite:13%, the participants recognize
  that playing Morton’s Lite:13% involves inherently dangerous activity
  that may result in serious injury to their health. By agreeing to play, any
  and all participants promise not to exercise the right to sue Dark
  Carnival Games, L.L.C., its shareholders, directors, officers, employees,
  agents, representatives, successors and assigns and all persons or enti-
  ties connected with or related to Dark Carnival Games, L.L.C., for harm
  caused in the future by the wrongful behavior or ordinary negligence of
  Dark Carnival Games, L.L.C., and all participants agree not to expect
  Dark Carnival Games, L.L.C. to act carefully in operating, supervising, or
  controlling Morton’s Lite:13%. All Participants also voluntarily acknowl-
  edge and agree that the use of Morton’s Lite:13% is totally a voluntary
  act.
  DARK CARNIVAL GAMES, L.L.C. DOES NOT ENCOURAGE, SUG-
  GEST OR REQUEST THAT ANY AND ALL PLAYERS ENGAGE IN ANY
  UNLAWFUL ACTIVITY AND DOES NOT CONDONE ANY SUCH ACTIVITY.
  TO THE CONTRARY, DARK CARNIVAL GAMES, L.L.C. ENCOURAGES ANY
  AND ALL PARTICIPANTS NOT TO BREAK ANY LAWS OR APPLICABLE
  ORDINANCES.
  Dark Carnival Games, L.L.C. encourages, suggests, and requests
  that all participants always use the utmost caution when playing
  Morton’s Lite:13% so as to not cause harm to themselves or others, as
  well as not to cause harm to the property of others.
  Dark Carnival Games, L.L.C. also suggests that all participants be
  in generally good health and not suffer from, without limitation, heart,
  cardiac or respiratory or mental problems.  Use of Morton’s List may
  aggravate a preexisting heart, respiratory or other condition and is not
  the responsibility of Dark Carnival Games, L.L.C.
  Dark Carnival Games, L.L.C. does not claim expertise in any of the
  subjects contained within Morton’s Lite:13%, nor does it suggest that the
  information provided in Morton’s Lite:13% is wholly or completely accu-
  rate, and strongly suggests that trained professionals be consulted in
  any and all activities in which risk is involved.
  BY AGREEING TO PLAY, ALL PARTICIPANTS AGREE THAT THEY
  ARE FULLY AWARE OF THE RISKS AND HAZARDS INHERENT IN PARTIC-
  IPATING IN MORTON’S LITE:13% AND HEREBY ELECT VOLUNTARILY TO
  PARTICIPATE IN MORTON’S LITE:13%, AND VOLUNTARILY ASSUME ALL
  RISK OF LOSS, DAMAGE, INJURY, AND/OR DEATH THAT MAY BE SUS-
  TAINED WHILE PARTICIPATING IN MORTON’S LITE:13%.
  THE USE OF MORTON’S LITE:13% INVOLVES AN
  INHERENTLY DANGEROUS ACTIVITY THAT MAY
  RESULT IN SERIOUS INJURY TO YOUR HEALTH.
  READ CAREFULLY BEFORE PROCEEDING! 
  
  A c k n o w l e d g e m e n t s
  M o rt o n’s Lite: 13% an introduction to real-life gaming, is derived fro m
  M o rt o n’s List: The End to Boredom, and 3600 of the Inner C i rc l e
  c reated by Dark Carnival Games, L.L.C.
  Additional writing by R. Jesse Deneaux, Ro b e rt "Jumpsteady" Bruce, and Nathan I. N. J. Andre n
  G r a p h i c s : Jack them Fo o l s
  E d i t i n g: Nathaniel Gre e n e
  L e g a lC o u n c i l: Don Fe t t i s h
  S p e c i a lT h a n k s: Eve ryone from The Psychopathic Re c o rds Cre w, past, present, and future.  Sp o rt y
  St e ve at Sp o rt s Ro c k S h o p.com, anyone from the Special Thanks sections of Mort o n’s List and 360
  D e g rees (your play-testings and contributions are still felt today, and to name you all and what yo u
  did would warrant a book unto itself), All the ninjas from the Mort o n’s List Forum, especially
  Re ve rend X, ouija, video, BuBz the Troll, Mad City Kitty, OddBall, MegaKat, Red Lotus, ShpoonMafia,
  B l a ze Lotus, SpooN, T h 3 Spl33n, kry p, and Adam. Eve ryone we have ever played with, where ver the
  location and whatever the Quest - you are fore ver a part of our Inner Circle. Lastly, and certainly not
  l e a s t l y, Joe, Rick, and Jeff who share the torch with us as we dispel the shadows of boredom, roll by
  roll, hour by hour, Quest by reality-changing Quest.
  Dark Carnival Games
  3990 W. 12 Mile Road, Suite #193
  Berkley, MI 48072-1192  
  Copyright ©1999-2005, Dark Carnival Games, L.L.C.  All Rights Reserved.
  This material is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America.  Reproduction and/or distribution of
  this material is granted by Dark Carnival Games, L.L.C, so long as it is reproduced and/or distributed un-altered and in its
  entirety.  For promotional use only.
  Morton’s Lite: 13% an Introduction to Real-Life Gaming and all Morton’s List logos are trademarks owned by Dark
  Carnival Games, L.L.C.
  Morton’s Lite: 13%, Morton’s List The End to Boredom, 360 degrees of the InnerCircle, Table Master, Morton Boulder,
  The Hand-Picked Table, Morton’s Manipulations, Solar Rise, Cosmic Law, Mortal Ties, Mountain, “I’m Neutral,” Vision
  Quest, Chaos, Nightscape, Yin of the Earth, Rainbow Dragon, Yang of the Sky, The Twilight Scroll, Echo List, The List of
  Life, Shadow List, The Cryptic List, and Quest are trademarks of Dark Carnival Games, L.L.C.  
  All other trademarks are the properties of their respective owners.
  First web printing: October 2005 
  www.MortonsList.com 
  brought to you  by fate, karma, and chance
  
  W h at Is Mo r ton’s Lite: 13%?
  t is the first step towards changing your life forever and an introduction to the
  adventure that is real-life gaming.  Specifically, it is a free sampling of Morton’s
  List, The End to Boredom.  As a game, Morton’s List is in a class by itself: There
  is no playing board but the ground you walk on.  There are no imaginary char-
  acters or scores—only the players, and the actual Quests set forth by the game. In
  Morton’s Lite: 13% there are no winners or losers, only the memories and real experi-
  ences gained. The rules are easy to follow, and all will be explained in the following
  pages. 
  To understand Morton’s Lite: 13% , it is necessary to understand Morton’ List,
  the game from which these rules and Quests are drawn.  When asked to describe
  Morton’s List, there are as many answers as there are people who play.  For some, it
  is a way to kill an hour with some random fun.  Others claim that Morton’s List has
  shown them their own hidden talents and deeper levels of reality.  Some even claim
  that it has opened secret doors to personal growth, leading to life-long transforma-
  tion.  Whether this  game is simply something to do in conjunction with a favorite
  drug, or brings you a soulmate and newfound levels of happiness, it has already
  changed lives and ended boredom for thousands worldwide since 2001.
  For those already familiar with Morton’s List, Morton’s Lite: 13% is a trimmed-
  down, stand-alone game, featuring things familiar and new.  It is to be passed around
  freely to those inside and outside of the Inner Circle, explaining the basics while pro-
  viding the real-life entertainment that you know and expect from Morton’s List.
  Whether you are playing for the first time, or already a Twililght Lord, Morton’s
  Lite:13% is the chainsaw that can cut boredom out of your life forever.
  Choosing to play is always up to you; but since fate, karma, and chance have
  brought this game into your lives, why not read on…?
  I
  3
  2
  Table of Contents
  I.  What is Morton’s Lite: 13%?.........................................................................pg. 3
  II. Elements of the Game..................................................................................pg. 4
  III. Order of Play Summerized..........................................................................pg. 6
  IV. Order of Play       .........................................................................................pg. 7
  1. Inner Circle....................................................................................pg. 7
  2. Table Master.................................................................................pg. 7 
  3. Rolling the Boulder.......................................................................pg. 8
  Karmic Gathering...............................................................pg. 8
  4. Winds of Change...........................................................................pg. 9
  Adventure Aids..................................................................pg. 9
  Warning Icons..................................................................pg. 10
  Impracticality...................................................................pg. 10
  Moral Code.......................................................................pg. 10
  5. The Quest....................................................................................pg. 11
  6. End Time......................................................................................pg. 11
  V.  Diagram of The Inner Circle   .....................................................................pg. 12
  VI.  TheHand-Picked Table   ...........................................................................pg. 13
  VII.  Morton’s Manipulations   .......................................................................pg. 36
  VIII.  TheComplete Quests of Morton’s List   .................................................pg. 45
  
  4
  Elements of the Game
  ELEMENTS OF THE GAME
  5
  Q u e s t
  This is one of 28 different and inter-
  esting activitiescontained within Morton’s
  Lite: 13 %.  These activities are called
  Quests because in the context of the game
  they are something greater than fun things
  to do—they are entertaining missions to
  complete.  While playing Morton’s Lite:
  13% players will randomly determine one
  of these Quests and then perform it.  Some
  are well-known leisure activities.  Others
  a re more cre a t i ve, some are mystical,
  some challenging, and some adventurous.
  Many will take players to places and show
  them experiences that they never would
  have enjoyed had they not been playing
  Morton’s Lite: 13%. The 28 Quests of this
  book are selected from the 360 of
  Morton’s List, reflected in the title (the
  e x t ra 
  percentage 
  comes 
  from 
  the
  Manipulations).  
  M a n i p u l a t i o n
  This is an activity done before, during,
  or after a Quest that changes playe r s ’
  behavior or the nature of the Quest—think
  of it as a game within a game.
  Manipulations are wild cards that add
  spice and a dash of the bizarre.  
  Ta b l e
  In Morton’s Lite: 13%, a Table is a col-
  lection of numbered, ordered Quests or
  Manipulations.  There are 2 Tables in this
  game, The Hand-Picked Table, consisting
  of 28 Quests, and Morton’s Manipulations,
  consisting of 28 Manipulations.   In the
  original Morton’s List, there are nine pri-
  mary Tables consisting of about 29 Quests,
  each structured around a theme.  These
  are Solar Rise (daytime and normal busi-
  ness hours), Cosmic Law (games and
  order), Mortal Ties (extroverted and social-
  ly interactive), Lore Galore (knowledge and
  science), "I’m Neutral" (the theme of no
  theme), Mountain (physical activity),
  Vision Quest (creation and self-aware-
  ness), Chaos (mayhem and destruction),
  and Nightscape (nighttime and after
  hours).  Each Table is bound to its oppo-
  site, day to night, order to chaos, social to
  spiritual, mental to physical.  Beyo n d
  these, there are three higher, seldom-
  attained Tables, and one very illusive Table
  of legendary Quests.  The 28 Quests of
  Morton’s Lite: 13% are drawn exclusively
  from the first nine Tables (3 from each
  Table), with the 28th being from one of the
  higher Tables.
  Moral Co d e
  Everyone has a Moral Code.  Though
  some are more elaborate than others, each
  one of us lives by our own personal code of
  conduct.  Whether this code is influenced
  by religious faith, governmental laws, or
  comes from an inner sense of what is right
  and wrong is unimportant.  What is impor-
  tant is that people recognize and respect
  the beliefs of others, whatever they may
  be and wherever they may come from.  This
  applies directly to anyone playing
  Morton’s Lite: 13%. There are bound to be
  times when some player or players have a
  moral objection to completing a Quest that
  was rolled.  Whatever the grounds for the
  objection, the Quest is either modified so
  that eve ryone can participate without
  bending their beliefs, or another Quest is
  rolled.  It is never right to pressure people
  into violating their Moral Code—after all,
  the purpose of this game is for everyone to
  have a great time.
  Inner Circ l e
  This is the group of people playing
  Morton’s Lite: 13%.
  The Inner Circle is
  established when the players take an oath
  to do whatever Quest is rolled, so long as
  it doesn’t conflict with their Moral Codes.
  Players within the Inner Circle are com-
  monly referred to as group members.  The
  Inner Circle is typically made up of three or
  m o re players, and the old adage, “the
  more the merrier,” certainly applies here.
  However, it is possible to play with two
  p l a yers, or even one.  T h roughout the
  game the Inner Circle supports each other,
  and works together (most of the time, any-
  way) to both take part in the Quest and
  have a good time.
  Table Maste r
  One member of the Inner Circle is ran-
  domly determined to become the Table
  Master for the duration of each Quest.
  Although still part of the Inner Circle, this
  person is responsible for guiding the
  group along, handling any disagreements
  that might arise, and generally acting as a
  final decision maker.  A good Table Master
  listens to the thoughts, opinions, and
  ideas of all members of the Inner Circle,
  before deciding on a course of action that
  will bring the most enjoyment to the
  most players.
  Morton Bo u l d e r
  This is the special 30-
  sided 
  die 
  used 
  to 
  play
  Morton’s Lite: 13%.
  Except in
  very rare instances, only the Table
  Master may roll the Morton Boulder.
  Its primary use is to randomly determine
  the Inner Circle’s Quest and Manipulation .
  K a r m a
  Unlike traditional Buddhist/Hindu
  definitions of karma (the effect of people’s
  good and bad deeds that bind them to the
  cycle of birth, death, and rebirth), here it is
  the force that Morton’s Lite: 13% harness-
  es to end boredom.  This is the life force
  and energy within us.  When Karma is high,
  people feel good, motivated, open-mind-
  ed, and ready for anything.  When drained
  of Karma, people feel slow, lethargic, and
  generally uninterested in doing anything:
  bored.  Karma exists in many forms.  It is
  most often described as positive but occa-
  sionally as c h a o t i c, s t ra n g e, or eve n
  n a u g h t y.  What is so wondrous about
  Karma, however, is that it exists some-
  where between luck and fate, tying one
  power to the other.  In some unexplainable
  way Morton’s Lite: 13% focuses the Inner
  Circle’s Karma, taking a seemingly random
  Quest and turning it into an entertaining
  and occasionally life-altering experience.
  (sold separately)
  
  7
  6
  Order Of Play
  S u m m e r i z e d
  elow is a brief summery of steps needed to play and master Morton’s Lite:
  13%. Before playing the game, fully read through all six steps (explained on
  the following pages).  Once familiar with the game mechanics this outline
  can be used as a reference to make sure none are skipped.  On the follow-
  ing pages are detailed descriptions of the six simple steps below:
  1. Inner Circ l e
  Before playing, anyone new to the game should be made familiar the rules.  All play-
  ers then give an oath that they will perform whatever Quest and Manipulation is
  rolled for at least one hour. Those (feeblos) not wishing to participate leave the
  area.  All who choose to play become the Inner Circle.
  2. Table Maste r
  The Inner Circle randomly determines who among them will become the Table
  Master for the duration of the Quest.  The Table Master is the group’s guide and
  leader.
  3. Rolling the Bo u l d e r
  The Table Master makes two rolls of the Morton Boulder. The first is on The Hand-
  Picked Table (page 13) to reveal the Inner Circle’s Quest.  The second is on Morton’s
  Manipulations (page 36) to determine how the Quest will be Manipulated.  Before
  and/or during the die rolls the Table Master has the option of leading the group in a
  ceremony called a Karmic Gathering to instill the Morton Boulder with Karma.
  4. Winds of Change
  The Inner Circle discusses the Quest/Manipulation rolled, and how to go about
  accomplishing it.  Should there be any moral objections, or it is overly impractical to
  complete what was rolled (requiring a car, good weather, too much time or money,
  or being overly dangerous or unlawful) the Table Master rolls a different Quest
  and/or Manipulation,  as necessary.
  5. The Quest
  The Inner Circle makes preparations, gathers any necessary supplies, and sets forth
  to complete their Quest.
  6. End Ti m e
  One hour into the Quest the Inner Circle’s commitment to the game is fulfilled.
  Those wishing to continue play may do so until the Table Master declares the Quest
  over.
  1. Inner Circle 
  When a group of people gathers to play
  Morton’s Lite: 13%, the first step is to deter-
  mine who will become part of the Inner
  Circle.  Only those who take the oath of
  Morton’s Lite: 13%, giving their word to com-
  plete whatever Quest and Manipulation is
  rolled, form the Inner Circle.  By agreeing to
  play, each member of this group vows to put
  at least one hour of honest effort towards
  enjoying the game and participating in the
  Quest.  With this commitment, players are
  assured suspense, letting Karma decide their
  course as they pass through Morton’s Lite:
  13% into a realm of limitless possibilities.
  This is perhaps the single most important
  aspect of playing the game.  Those who
  would break this oath be wary: bad Karma
  and unforeseen dangers await.  Anyone new
  to the game should be fully aware of this and
  all other steps before deciding to play.
  Those who decided not to take the oath
  of Morton’s Lite: 13% for any reason may not
  participate in the Quest, and should leave
  the immediate area before the Inner Circle
  proceeds.  Why?  Because the whole process
  of determining the Table Master and the
  Quest re q u i res a focusing of positive
  Karma.  If those who declined the oath
  are unwilling or unable to leave, the
  Inner Circle should relocate.
  Generally, anytime is a good
  time to play Morton’s Lite: 13%, but
  there are a few considerations as to
  when the best time is.  Most businesses
  close up and people tend to go home some
  time after dark.  Therefore, the further it gets
  past midnight (even on weekends) the
  greater the difficulty the group may have
  enjoying some Quests.  Various Quests how-
  ever, thrive on darkness, so this guideline is
  far from etched in stone.  Additionally, each
  player should have access to about six dol-
  lars.  Many Quests cost nothing to complete,
  and some might even make the group money,
  but there will be times when cash is benefi-
  cial or even necessary to complete a Quest.
  If the Inner Circle rolls a Quest that requires
  cash and finds themselves completely broke,
  they will need to acquire some.  T h i s
  becomes an integral part of doing their
  Quest.  The group will also need a Morton
  Boulder (a virtual one is available at
  MortonsList.com), one six-sided die per play-
  er, a timepiece, and a copy of this book (at
  least this last is a given!).
  It is also best to have at least three play-
  ers and generally the larger the Inner Circle
  the better.  However, really large groups may
  become unmanageable unless the Ta b l e
  Master is a particularly good leader.  If the
  Inner Circle should happen to number 13,
  they may need to add or lose a player to
  avoid mysterious repercussions.  Although
  M o rt o n’s Lite: 1 3 % is oriented tow a rd s
  groups, two people (or even one) could play
  the game.  In cases like this, skip Step #2
  because the leadership of a Table Master is
  not needed.  
  2.  Table Master 
  Once the Inner Circle is formed, they
  begin the process by which one of them is
  randomly chosen to become the Table
  Master for the duration of their
  Quest.  The Table Master is basi-
  cally a leader who listens to all
  opinions and ideas, then makes
  decisions if group consensus can-
  not be reached.  Instead of being a
  dictator, the Table Master works along-
  side everybody to make the Quest as fun
  as possible.  Table Masters do not give
  orders; they make fair decisions to help turn
  an otherwise chaotic mob into a focused
  group.  It may help to think of the Table
  Master as Arthur Treacher and the
  other players as extra crispy fish
  planks, or perhaps like Lion-O and the
  players as Thundercats—all working
  together for fame and adventure.
  In addition to those mentioned above,
  the Table Master has two other unique privi-
  leges and responsibilities.  First, only the
  B
  Order Of Play
  
  ORDER OF PLAY
  9
  ORDER OF PLAY
  8
  Table Master rolls the Morton Boulder to
  determine a Quest and Manipulation.
  Second, the Table Master is the
  one who declares the Quest
  ove r, as described below in
  Step #6, End Time.  Remember
  that even with all these privi-
  leges, the Table Master is still
  part of the Inner Circle, and
  does the Quest like eve ryo n e
  else.
  Being the Table Master brings with it the
  challenging but rewarding responsibility of
  leading a group through surprising encoun-
  ters and uncertain fates.  It also puts a chaot-
  ic spin on normal group dynamics.
  Sometimes accustomed lead-
  ers will find themselves taking
  the back seat to those who are
  normally meek.  In other
  words: those who are usually
  lost in the circus of life could
  become the ringmaster, leading
  carneys in a bizarre performance that is only
  limited by the creativity of their own M INDS!
  The following is the official way of
  determing Table Master, although it may be
  done more informally via drawing straws,
  ro c k - p a p e r-scissors, flipping coins, or any
  other random process.  If time and dice are
  available, it is recommended that the elimi-
  nation-style roll-off be used.
  For each player participating,
  one six-sided die is needed.  One
  person begins by rolling all dice
  and totaling the results.  Next,
  the player to the left picks up the
  dice and rolls.  This continues
  until everyone has rolled once.  The play-
  er with the lowest total is eliminated from the
  roll-off. This person removes one die and has
  lost all hopes of becoming the Table Master.
  The next round of rolling is identical to the
  first, minus the eliminated person and one
  die.  All ties are broken by rolling dice.  As
  players are eliminated one by one, suspense
  builds until Karma reveals the one destined
  to lead the Inner Circle through the journey
  that lies ahead.  This person becomes the
  Table Master. There can be only one.
  3. Rolling the Boulder 
  The newly selected Table Master then
  randomly determines which of the 28
  Quests, 
  modified 
  by 
  one 
  of 
  28
  Manipulations, the Inner Circle will do.  First,
  the Table Master turns to The Hand-Picked
  Table (pg. 13) to roll the Quest.  To determine
  their Quest, the Table Master rolls
  the 
  Morton 
  Boulder and
  matches the number rolled
  with the corre s p o n d i n g
  number on The Hand-
  Picked Table.  Next to each
  item on the Table  are page
  numbers.  By turning to the
  a p p ropriate 
  pages, 
  the
  Table Master is easily guided
  through the entire process.  The
  Table Master then turns to Morton’s
  Manipulations (pg. 36) to determine the
  g ro u p’s Manipulation, for their ultimate
  Quest/Manipulation combo.
  When the Morton Boulder is rolled, it
  cannot be interfered with until it comes com-
  pletely to rest.  While rolling, it is recom-
  mended that the Table Master be the only
  one to reference Morton’s Lite: 13%.
  This
  creates an atmosphere of suspense, because
  the results of the rolls are revealed only as
  the Table Master wishes.
  Although optional, the Table Master
  may enjoy setting a certain mood while
  rolling the Morton Boulder.  Called a Karmic
  Gathering, this ceremony can raise anticipa-
  tion, and more importantly, Karma:
  4. Winds of Change 
  Once the Table Master has finished
  rolling the Quest and Manipulation, everyone
  discusses how best to go about completing
  them.  Typically there are many options with-
  in any given Quest, though some are more
  specific than others.  Although the Ta b l e
  Master approves final details, it is important
  to seriously consider all suggestions from
  the rest of the Inner Circle.
  Sometimes it’s a good idea to establish
  criteria for the Quest.  Otherwise, it can be
  difficult to determine if everyone has actively
  p a rticipated.  For instance, if the Ta b l e
  Master rolled Friendly Encounter, (pg. 19),
  the decision could be made to relocate to a
  favorite hangout.  There, all group members
  choose people who look like they they would
  make good freinds.  Additionally, it is deter-
  mined that “friends with benifits” is the ulti-
  mate success.  If they fail to make friends,
  they must try again until they succeed, or at
  least manage to talk with a new friend for five
  or more minutes.  Thus, the Table Master has
  determined criteria for the ultimate success
  (friends with benifits), and minimal success
  (a five-minute chat).  Whatever the Table
  Master decides, let the most fun for the most
  people be the most important rule.
  When discussing the Quest, the Inner
  Circle should take care not to stretch its
  intent too far from the original meaning.  If
  there are any questions as to what the Quest
  pertains to, they should fully read its descrip-
  tion before attempting to complete it.  For
  instance, were Skate or Die (pg. 26) rolled,
  the Inner Circle would be wrong to play a
  s k a t e b o a rding video game.  Pa ra n o r m a l
  Activity (pg. 33) could be completed by trying
  to ghostwrite at a graveyard, or attempting to
  photograph ghosts at a “haunted” house.  It
  would be counter to the spirit of the Quest to
  simply watch The Ring, the movie.  There are
  many different paths to legitimately fulfill a
  Quest, so don’t be weak with it.
  When engaged in Winds of Change, the
  Inner Circle should be fully aware of the
  many options available to them.  Below are
  some resources that could be extremely use-
  ful when gathering information for a Quest:  
  Karmic Gathering
  A Karmic Gathering can include anything that
  makes rolling the Morton Boulder more inspir-
  ing and enjoyable.  Something as simple as a
  headdress, for instance, can highlight the Table
  M a s t e r ’s status, and add a ritualistic flair.
  These include baseball caps, wigs, potted
  plants, nylon stockings, lampshades, etc.  Even
  how the Morton Boulder is rolled can be played
  with to create a unique effect.  Tossing, swirling,
  throwing, juggling, launching, or any other form
  of projection will all reveal a number between 1
  and 30.
  The ceremony should include all group mem-
  bers and stimulate as many of the six senses as
  possible.  Candles, music, incense, dances, dra-
  matic lighting, costumes, Ka r m a - i n c re a s i n g
  speeches, and more are all great mood-inspir-
  ing aides.  The duration and complexity of this
  ceremony is totally up to the Table Master. The
  main purpose here is to set an exciting mood
  and atmosphere before and during all ro l l s
  leading up to the Quest.
  Adventure Aids
  Entertainment Guides and Newspapers—
  From want ads to bar bands to personal ads
  to yard sales, there’s nothing better for local
  information than a good daily or we e k l y
  paper.
  Friends and Relatives—Vital in all aspects of
  life, friends and loved ones can be a great
  help.  Aside from providing cars, money, and
  advice, they often know or remember or
  posses just the thing the Inner Circle is look-
  ing for.
  Government Info Centers—Roadside tourist
  centers are typically located on highways
  near state boundaries, but anyone can call or
  write to their state Offices of Tourism and
  re c e i ve free information in the mail.
  A d d i t i o n a l l y, 
  the 
  U.S. 
  Gove r n m e n t ’s
  Consumer Information Catalog is one of the
  best all-around free resources to have.  It
  lists over 200 free or low cost booklets on
  every topic imaginable.  Write to: Consumer
  Information Center, Dept. B, Pueblo, CO
  81009.
  Internet—This is, of course, potentially the
  greatest Adventure Aid of all.  Nearly any
  topic can be looked into.  From local to glob-
  al, many (meta)search engines can help the
  Inner Circle explore the world around them.
  There are also many free services available:
  games, maps and trip planning, match-mak-
  ing, chat, etc.  Also, www.mortonslist.com
  contains many resources useful to the Inner
  Circle.
  Maps—When navigating in unfamiliar terri-
  tory, maps of every scale can really come in
  handy.  On the small scale side they are great
  for locating out-of-the-way cities, tracts of
  wilderness, lakes, and other large and/or
  especially interesting places.  Larger scale
  city/tourist maps often include entert a i n-
  ment and cultural centers as well as attrac-
  tions of all sorts.  Whether pinpointing the
  location of a once grand now abandoned
  building, or finding out which train track tun-
  nels under a river, a good eye can pick out a
  lot of useful information from any map.
  The Pages—It’s amazing how many interest-
  ing and potentially very useful businesses lie
  hidden within any decent sized Yellow Pages.
  Many also provide a wealth of free public
  service information.  This, as well as busi-
  ness pages, can be indispensable resources
  perfect for locating goods and serv i c e s ,
  whether they be as common as a restaurant
  or as rare as a nudist resort.  White pages
  may also come in handy for locating people;
  and never underestimate the blue govern-
  mental pages.  There, the Inner Circle can
  find out about everything from community
  centers to garage sale and hunting ord i-
  nances.  
  The Telephone—Whether calling dire c t o ry
  assistance, tourist bureaus, or 800, 888,or
  818 numbers, the telephone is an inva l u a b l e
  tool.  Numbers, in the right combination, are
  all that is re q u i red to unlock limitless informa-
  t i o n .
  
  ORDER OF PLAY
  11
  ORDER OF PLAY
  10
  Normally, once a Quest is begun, the
  Inner Circle does eve rything possible to
  accomplish it.  In rare circumstances, howev-
  er, the group (or one or more members) may
  be unable or unwilling to complete a Quest.
  The only time it is acceptable to re-roll a
  Quest is in the following instances: 1) one or
  m o re of six specific reasons arise, as
  described and illustrated in the Wa r n i n g
  Icons section; 2) a Quest is deemed overly
  i m p ractical; and 3) an individual’s Mora l
  Code would be violated.  In any case, if a re-
  roll is warranted, the Table Master can chose
  to re-roll .  
  5. The Quest 
  Once the Inner Circle has a good idea of
  what they will be doing for their Quest, and
  how it will be changed by thier Manipulation,
  it’s time to start.  As previously sworn, the
  group should spend no less than one hour
  participating in it.  This insures that everyone
  has enough time to really experience the
  Quest, and have fun along the way.  Keep in
  mind that the hour time minimum officially
  starts at the beginning of this step.  Before
  the Inner Circle embarks on their adventure,
  they may need to prepare.  This may include
  the gathering of supplies, equipment, helpful
  contacts, etc.  Time spent getting ready is
  considered time spent doing the Quest.  
  During their journey the group may
  interact with many different people, some of
  whom they may know. These people are con-
  s i d e red outside the Inner Circle and not
  bound to the group’s Quest.  Only the Inner
  Circle, as it was formed, is committed to
  enjoying all Morton’s Lite: 13% has to offer.
  It sometimes happens that an hour
  goes by and the Inner Circle has not been
  able, for whatever reason, to accomplish
  their Quest.  Perhaps their Quest was Evade
  the Blockade (pg. 24) and they decided to try
  to sneak into a theatrical performance featur-
  ing exotic Brazilian dancers.  When they
  arrived at the theater, however, all the main
  entrances are heavily guarded.  They spend
  some time lingering at the back door, hoping
  to slip backstage unnoticed.  Eve n t u a l l y,
  security gives them the bum rush, forcing
  them to relocate.  Since the hour is up, the
  Table Master decides to perform Step #6, End
  Time, described below.  Hopefully, everyone
  did their best and found entertainment in
  their predicament, perhaps even making
  friends with others hanging around outside.
  Of course, if group members still had time on
  their hands and the gumption to continue,
  they could keep on keepin’ on until they suc-
  ceeded in their original Quest.  
  6.  End Time 
  The primary event of End Time is for the
  Table Master to declare the Quest over. This
  may come right after the hour minimum or at
  some later time.  Keep in mind that group
  members are free to leave the Inner Circle
  and stop playing after one hour.  Afterwards,
  the former Inner Circle may wish to compare
  experiences, make suggestions for next time,
  divide up the valuables of missing friends,
  etc.  Some may even want to better remem-
  ber the experience by writing it down.
  And so the Quest ends and the game is
  over. The Inner Circle dissolves... until the
  next time, when a new Inner Circle is formed
  and Morton’s Lite: 13% is opened again.
  1. The Warning Icons—Each Quest may be
  assigned up to six Warning Icons.  If applicable,
  these appear at the top of the Quest descrip-
  tion and represent obstacles that might make it
  too difficult to complete.  Should a Quest with
  one or more icons that pertain to the Inner
  C i rcle be rolled, the Table Master roll may
  decide whether or not to re-roll.  Example: If the
  Inner Circle doesn’t have access to a car and
  rolled Primal Hunt (pg.14), which has a car icon,
  a re-roll would be warranted if the group lived
  far from a an area where they could hunt.  Had
  the Inner Circle lived within reasonable walking
  distance of potential prey, the car icon would
  not have applied, and a re-roll would not have
  been needed.  The Warning Icons and their
  meanings are as follows:
  Car—These Quests will likely require
  the use of a car or other motor vehi-
  cle, either to reach a possibly distant
  location or because the Quest specifically
  involves an automobile.
  Danger—These Quests may involve
  an element of danger, physical or
  otherwise.  Should these risks be
  considered too great, the Inner Circle may re-
  roll.  If they decide to go ahead anyway, they
  should take utmost care to protect themselves
  and avoid all unnecessary perils.
  Law—These Quests may not be legal
  depending on where the Inner Circle
  is located, or the playe r ’s age.
  Beyond this, some activities can become illegal
  when done to excess or recklessly.  It is also a
  good idea for everyone present to be fully
  informed of all applicable laws and statutes.
  Money—These Quests will probably
  cost each member of the Inner Circle
  more than the six dollars that every-
  one should normally be prepared to spend.
  T i m e —These Quests will pro b a b l y
  take longer than one hour to com-
  plete.  The Inner Circle should deter-
  mine how long the Quest could take, and if
  a n yone is not able to take part due to time
  restrictions, it may be re - rolled.  If they go
  ahead with the Quest, anyone who wishes still
  has the option to stop playing after one hour (if
  that player is half-stepping, that is).
  W e a t h e r —These Quests will pro b a-
  bly have to be completed outside
  and may invo l ve physical activity.
  Whether due to extreme tempera t u re or pre-
  cipitation, or if the weather is simply consid-
  e red too uncomfortable, the Inner Circle may
  yield to Mother Nature and re - ro l l .
  2. Impracticality—Sometimes, there are cer-
  tain gray areas that the Warning Icons just
  d o n’t cove r.  A Quest may be just too impra c t i-
  cal for it to be enjoyable.  For example, a Quest
  requiring computers is rolled, and no gro u p
  member owns one.  After considering all other
  options, such as libraries, universities, and
  f r i e n d s ’houses, and taking into account that it
  is 4:00 a.m., they re a l i ze that none of these
  a p p roaches are going to work.  Despera t e ,
  they look through the Ye l l ow Pages trying to
  find a twe n t y - f o u r-hour copy center (known to
  h a ve computers), only to learn the nearest one
  is over 25 miles away (too far).  Ultimately, they
  a re forced to deem the Quest impractical and
  should re - roll.  
  3. Moral Code—Eve ryone has a Moral Code.  It
  is a set of rules we live by, and encompasses all
  of our morals—what we think of as right and
  w rong.  Many of the morals in our Moral Code
  a re also forbidden by law, such as not doing
  illegal drugs or killing another person.  Ye t
  many of us hold moral codes against activities
  that are allowed under the law.  For instance,
  some people refuse to have sex before mar-
  riage, or eat animal products for re l i g i o u s ,
  health, or other reasons.  These self-induced
  restrictions are just as valid and important as
  ones enforced by police.  Neither should eve r
  be violated by playing M o rt o n’s Lite: 1 3 % .
  It may happen from time to time that one or
  m o re members of the Inner Circle will object to
  completing a Quest on the grounds that it vio-
  lates a Moral Code.  This is natural and should
  be expected and not seen as a problem.  To
  re s o l ve the objection, alternatives that both
  make the Quest morally acceptable and fall
  within its guidelines may be discussed, or it
  may be re - rolled entire l y.  It should also be
  noted that phobias are treated like a Mora l
  Code, and Quests that instill serious negative
  p s ychological reactions may be re - ro l l e d .
  C
  D
  L
  T
  W
  M
  
  12
  13
  1. The Windo w
  2. Vo l u n te e r
  3. Primal Hu n t
  4. Pl e a s u re Pa r k s
  5. Custom Dictionary
  6. Bo a rd Games
  7. Savor the Flavo r
  8. Mailbox Expre s s
  9. Fr i e n dly Encounte r
  10. Conduct a Survey
  11. Devise an Invention 
  12. Reality on Film 
  13. Belly of the Cro w
  14. Intellectual Du e l
  15. Rating Attribute s
  16. Reminisce
  17. MortonsList.com
  18. Primitive Arms
  19. Martial Wa r f a re
  20. Skate or Die
  21. Creative Writing
  22. Naked Beauty
  2 3 . Deep To p i c s
  24. Evade the Bloc k a d e
  25. Web of De c e i t
  26. All that you Like
  27. Neighbo r h ood Pa t ro l
  28. Trash Jackals
  29. Paranormal Ac t i v i t y
  30. Unwante d Fa vo rs
  pg. 14
  pg. 14
  pg. 14
  pg. 15
  pg. 16
  pg. 17
  pg. 18
  pg. 18 
  pg. 19
  pg. 20
  pg. 20
  pg. 21
  pg. 21
  pg. 21
  pg. 21
  pg. 22
  pg. 23
  pg. 23
  pg. 24
  pg. 26
  pg. 26
  pg. 27
  pg. 28
  pg. 29
  pg. 30
  pg. 31
  pg. 31
  pg. 33
  pg. 33
  pg. 33
  e f o re you is a sample
  platter from the all-you-
  can eat smorg a s b o rd
  that are the Quests of Morton’s List.
  Three Quests from each of the nine
  primary Tables, as well as one special
  result, a non-Quest, and one Quest
  from a higher, rarer Table are com-
  bined here to give you a taste of the
  flavor that is real-life gaming.  
  After rolling your Quest, proceed
  to Morton’s Manipulations (pg. 36),
  to find what will make your Quest
  truly unique.  Whether karma, fate,
  and chance hold for you a Quest that
  is wild, calm, active, or controversial,
  may your boredom be ended, and
  you be left hungering for more.  
  The Hand-Picked Table
  B
  
  the slightest ripple in concentration.  Every
  sound, no matter how subtle, conjure d
  images, but each was not the one.  Then, with
  a crickle of crispy leaves and a hushed rustle
  of still underbrush, the hunter heard the cor-
  rect noise.  The image of prey appeared.
  Primal Hunt ensnares the Inner Circle with
  hunting for, or attempting to capture, prey.
  To begin, the Inner Circle need only think
  of what to hunt, and where to go do this.
  Many states have seasons during which it is
  legal to bag specific critters, and with mini-
  mal paperwork the group can get hunting
  licenses to hunt deer, elk, pronghorn, cari-
  bou, rabbit, squirrel, bear, pheasant, duck,
  goose, wild turkey, and other animals.  Some
  peskier creatures are even subject to hunting
  all the time.  Rats, dingoes, and other ver-
  minous creatures may draw a small bounty
  (per head) depending on the group’s area.  
  All the Inner Circle needs for any sort of
  hunting are rifles, bows and arrows, hand-
  guns, or any other implement of choice.
  Should group members be hunting for larger
  game, they may use the classic techniques of
  still hunting (in which the hunter stands still,
  upwind, and waits for the animal), stalking
  (in which prey are actively pursued), stand
  hunting (in which the hunter is hidden up in a
  tree, in a stand), and driving (in which the
  animal is flushed out with dogs, falcons, or
  other group members).  For geese, ducks, or
  other fowl, it is best to hide in out-of-the-way
  areas, covered in camouflage.  With birdcalls
  and decoys, their targets will be aflutter in no
  time.
  Another option that does not put the
  Inner Circle in direct armed vs. unarmed con-
  flict with wild animals is trapping.  Traps can
  include anything from the infamous impro-
  vised box and stick technique, to toothy
  metal bear traps, to something in between.
  Some traps are designed to kill or injure the
  animals they capture, while others safely
  detain them.  Traps for rats, mice, voles, or
  other small furry troublemakers (preferably
  baited with peanut butter) can even be used
  to clear a contaminated area.  Hunting or
  trapping, it’s all good and it’s all primal.
  IDEA: The Inner Circle decides that mod-
  ern tools normally used to hunt animals have
  taken all of the challenge out of the sport.
  Instead, group members head off to hunt ani-
  mals with weapons such as boomerangs,
  bolas, atlatls, nunchaku, and Sporks.
  4. Pl e a s u re Pa r k s
  C�T�W
  Think of the word park.  If the first thing
  you think of is the stress of finding a good
  place to leave your car in the crowded mall
  lot, then you are not yet ready.  If, instead,
  the first thing that comes to mind is wide-
  open wooded lands, cool streams, and
  rolling grassy hills with chirping butterflies,
  then you are already on the same easygoing
  wavelength as Pleasure Parks.
  Pleasure Parks takes the Inner Circle to an
  outdoor natural park.
  Deciding which park to visit will likely be
  harder than actually getting to one; but once
  there, the Inner Circle is free to do whatever
  desired.  There are innumerable parks of all
  sizes and purposes to be found nearby and
  faraway from all urban centers.  City, metro-
  politan, county, state, and national parks are
  widely accessible and often offer small pock-
  ets of wilderness to everyone.  For the Inner
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE  3-4
  15
  1. The Windo w
  The Wi n d ow of opportunity is now
  open!  For this, the Table Master rolls again
  on TheHand-Picked Table.  The Inner Circle
  then chooses from either the Quest rolled,
  the one above, or the one below it.  For exam-
  ple, if  #20 were rolled, Quest #19, #20, or
  #21 could be chosen.  The two not chosen are
  discarded as if never rolled.  However, if a 13
  is rolled or chosen, The Window is lost and
  the Table Master goes directly to the Belly of
  the Crow (pg.   27).  If The Window is miracu-
  lously rolled a second time, any Quest may
  be chosen.  Keep in mind that The Window
  can never be chosen in this way; it must be
  rolled.  Thus, if #29 were rolled, only two
  Quests could be chosen (#28 and #29).
  2. Vo l u n te e r
  C�T�
  In this modern world of guns, knives,
  and survival of the self, there are still those
  who posses that rare quality of compassion.
  They selflessly march on, with little or no
  funding, volunteering their hard work and
  time to support their causes.  For many
  unfortunates, these good Samaritans pro-
  vide hope where there is little.  Their reward
  is the joy and satisfaction of giving to others,
  and this is priceless.
  Volunteer donates the Inner Circle’s time
  and effort to a cause without compensation.
  There are bound to be plenty of fulfilling
  volunteering opportunities in the Inner
  Circle’s area.  Group members can volunteer
  their services for nearly any task, as there are
  few people who would refuse donated hands
  and sweat.  There are also many organiza-
  tions and groups that rely on the good will of
  volunteers for their efforts to continue.
  Public television, the Red Cross, churches,
  major hospitals, the Peace Corps, shelters for
  people with troubles, YM CA / YWCA, the
  Humane Society, environmental groups, and
  secret human experimentation labs would
  falter or even disappear we re it not for
  un(der)paid help. These associations don’t
  h a ve an abundance of money to keep
  re s o u rces flowing inwards, making them
  extremely receptive to selfless labor.  Many
  times, it merely takes a phone call or a talk
  with a representative of one of these organi-
  zations to quickly become an acknowledged
  volunteer.
  E m e rgencies and disasters may also
  provide opportunities for the Inner Circle to
  offer much needed backbone.  Floods, earth-
  quakes, volcanoes, tornadoes, hurricanes,
  fires, giant rogue elephants on the loose, and
  killer bee invasions all call for people to band
  together against these larger-than-life catas-
  trophes.  By digging ditches, filling sand-
  bags, rebuilding houses, and bagging bod-
  ies, group members’efforts will have a great
  effect on the aftermath of such disasters.  No
  matter how they decide to tackle Volunteer,
  giving time to an organization in need should
  help them grow as humans (unfortunately,
  selfish “I wanna get laid and paid” attitudes
  are hard to change).
  ID EA: The Inner Circle volunteers to help
  a political campaign in pro g ress, but really act
  as spies.  Actually group members are secre t-
  ly working for an opposing political faction
  and feeding their true benefactor sensitive
  i n f o r m a t i o n .
  3. Primal Hu n t
  C�D�L�T�W
  The hunter sat, perfectly still, waiting.
  To an obser vant passerby, there could be no
  d i f f e rence between the rough brown tre e
  bark and the hunter’s perfectly matched suit.
  Silent, breathing slowly and intentionally, the
  hunter listened.  Somewhere, a small aircraft
  hummed its way through the brisk, remote
  air.  Ears perked up for a moment, trigger fin-
  ger readied, but the hunter’s intensely cool
  gaze did not flicker, even for an instant.  This
  sound was not what the hunter listened for.
  A cheery forest butterfly chirped its wings,
  and lazily sucked thick nectar. This too was
  heard by the hunter, but did not merit even
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE 1-3
  14
  Disclaimer:
  Always use extreme caution when handling or
  using any sort of weapon or trap.
  Do not aim at or near a person, group of per-
  sons, or the property of others.
  Do not tresspass or enter dangerous or
  restricted areas.
  All hunters must be properly licensed.
  Do not harm or destroy the property of others.
  Do not harm legally protected animals.
  
  In closing, keep in mind that eve ry widely
  spoken language on Earth is but the culmina-
  tion of thousands of years of constant change.
  This evolution is an integral part of communi-
  cation, and provides the most effective way of
  e xchanging ideas.  Otherwise, we would pro b-
  ably be limited to grunts and howls, indicating
  raw emotions like anger and lust.  Wait a
  minute… that doesn’t sound so bad.
  ID EA: The Inner Circle creates a person
  d i c t i o n a ry.  This fun book contains dictionary -
  style entries describing people that members
  of the group are familiar with.  An example is
  p rovided below: Wa r ren Beechnut 1. A garg a n-
  tuan, slightly gelatinous male who enjoy s
  chili-cheese dogs. 2. A mean-tempered miser
  who enjoys blowing out couch cushions. 3. A
  putrid stank that fills the air. 4. One who has
  perfected the art of gazing at a TV until re d -
  e yed. 5. A large, heavy obstruction that blocks
  the view.  (Note: any similarity to any persons,
  living or dead, is purely coincidental… sike!)
  6. Bo a rd Games
  What single activity has provided mil-
  lions of people with countless hours of
  wholesome entertainment?  The answer isn’t
  stamp collecting, reading mystery nove l s ,
  abusing credit cards, or even talking on wire-
  less phones.  No, the answer is as close as
  your parlor or 1950s-style rec room.  That’s
  right, you guessed it: board games.  Who
  doesn’t enjoy sitting around a table with
  friends in a cozy room while enjoying an
  engaging board game?  Nothing else is there
  for you like board games.  Not your spouse,
  your friends, the nightly action news team,
  your dog—heck, not even booze.  Thank you,
  board games.
  Board Games allows the Inner Circle to play
  any non-foreign, low-strategy game requiring
  a flat board.
  What better cure for the Inner Circle’s
  boredom than tried-and-true board games?
  C o m m e rcial board games range from the
  familiar to the obscure.  There is Clue, The
  Game of Life, Mouse Tra p, Pay Day,
  S h a d ow l o rd, Save the Whales, Ripley’s
  B e l i e ve It or Not, Surv i ve!, Girl Ta l k ,
  O p e ration, Snit’s Re venge, Candyland,
  Chutes and Ladders, Talisman, and Sorry!
  among countless others.  Every family or trib-
  al unit is sure to possess a wealth of unique
  and entertaining board games in their attic,
  living room, basement, or crypt.  Sadly, some
  games may have been neglected for years;
  left to collect dirt instead of providing the
  entertainment they were designed for.
  Alongside popular commercial games
  there exist many obscure special interest
  games that the Inner Circle may be interested
  in.  For instance, psychologists use T h e
  Ungame and The Talking Feeling and Doing
  Game as therapeutic tools.  Dr. Ruth’s Game
  of Good Sex can help lovers hone their sexu-
  al prowess.  The Rainbow Gayme helps peo-
  ple feel more comfortable with the homosex-
  ual community.
  The Transformation Game
  explores blocks in people’s lives from a spiri-
  tual perspective.  If group members don’t
  own any of these interesting games, they
  need look no farther than the corners of their
  local resale shop to find those listed here and
  many more like them.
  IDEA: The Inner Circle grabs two of their
  f a vorite board games: Monopoly and
  Dungeon.  The boards are placed side by side
  and a link is established between the start-
  ing space on the Dungeon board and the Free
  Parking square on the Monopoly board .
  Choosing playing pieces from either game,
  players start on the Monopoly Go square, but
  may switch back and forth between boards
  whenever they land on Free Parking or the
  Dungeon main entrance.  Players may slay
  monsters and gain treasure on the Dungeon
  board to buy property and hotels on the
  Monopoly board.  Eve ry ten gold pieces
  found in the dungeon is worth one dollar of
  Monopoly money and one dollar can be trad-
  ed for ten gold pieces.  All money may be
  instantly converted at any time.  Gems, chal-
  ices, and other treasures can be converted
  into Monopoly money as well, based on their
  gold piece value.  Magical items, however,
  cannot be sold (that would be too crazy
  because magic doesn’t exist in the Monopoly
  world, of course).  One player wins when all
  other players are either bankrupt or dead.
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE   5-6
  17
  Circle’s general safety, remember that groups
  of wild, drunken, high school bullies are
  k n own to roam exurban parks within a
  joyride of bustling cities, and giant blood-
  thirsty Sasquatch sometimes terrorize larger
  tracts of nationally protected wilderness.
  ID EA: The Inner Circle journeys to a
  n e a r by riverside park.  This long, narrow
  stretch of trees and excellent riparian habitat
  provides group members with relief from the
  noise of urban life and brings them closer to
  the water. While there, they skip stones, find
  logs that fell across the river, and sail little
  boats on strings.
  5. Custom Dictionary
  Custom Dictionary defines the Inner Circle as
  the makers of a re f e rence containing personal-
  i zed descriptions of words used by the gro u p.
  Wo rds are the most underrated and
  unappreciated commodity that exists in our
  society.  Everyday, untold words are wasted
  by babbling people who do not give them the
  thought and attention they deserve .
  Amongst every group of friends there exist
  slang words that are not presently defined in
  any dictionary.  Indeed, new words are being
  made up continuously, and it’s way past due
  for them to get their just deserves: to be
  made official.  
  To begin, the Inner Circle need only
  acquire paper or a computer.  Next, group
  members should think of words (slang or
  otherwise) that they wish to define.  These
  may be totally made-up, or words that exist,
  but are redefined as the group uses them.
  They should then write these down along
  with definitions.  Imitating a dictionary-style
  format is a good way to present important
  information.  Thus, in the end, the group will
  create a unique reference book, based on
  obscure words that can be enjoyed for years
  to come.
  B e l ow are examples of slang words and
  their 
  definitions, 
  as 
  used 
  by 
  the
  P s ychopathic Cre w :
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE  4-5
  16
  N i n · j a ( NIN-juh) n. pl. n i n · j a or n i n · j a s. 1 . A
  we i rd or bizarre looking person: “Whoa, look at that
  n i n j a ! ” 2 . A subtle putdown, usually spoken with a
  demeaning tone: “ Yo u’re a ninja; W h a t ’s up, ninja?”
  3 . Friend or comrade who is in the know: “Come on
  ninja, let’s go”; “What’s up, ninja?”; “I got a whole
  c rew of ninjas.” 4 . An unfamiliar person, stra n g e r, or
  newly met acquaintance: “ S h u r i k a’s dating some
  ninja now”; Billy Bill hangs out with a crew of ninjas
  on the South Side.” 5 .a . A merc e n a ry, trained in the
  m a rtial arts and master of stealth, assassination,
  sabotage, and propaganda. b . A n yone who wears a
  flashy ninja costume. v. nin·ja’d, nin·ja·ing. 1. a. To
  steal: “I ninja’d a new pair of shoes from the stor e . ”
  b . To take, gra b, pass, or pick up: “Can you ninja me
  that remote contro l ? ” 2 . To sneak: “I didn’t have to
  pay because I ninja’d in.” 3 . To leave: “Come on,
  l e t ’s ninja.” 4 . To move or tra vel: “ We we re ninjaing
  a round in our car, all day.”  
  B o n e ( B O NE) n. pl. b o n e s . 1. a. An unfort u n a t e
  and undesirable event: “I got the bone ye s t e rd a y
  when it ra i n e d . ” b . A restriction: “When I stole his
  keys I gave him such a bone.” 2 . A dollar: “The drink
  costs five bones.” v. boned, bon·ing. 1 . To restrict or
  h u rt: “I boned myself by waiting too long.”
  S c h o o l ( SKOOL) v. Schooled, School·ing. 1. To
  educate or inform someone: “I hear what yo u’re
  saying, but let me school you with the real informa -
  t i o n . ” 2 . To display exe m p l a ry talent or competen-
  cy at a task or ability: “ I ’ve never seen anyo n e
  school a cello like that.”  3 . To confuse or surprise:
  “That ninja schooled me.”
  4 . To restrict or ove r
  whelm: “ My car got schooled by the snow s t o r m . ”
  5. To be seve rely reprimanded or scolded: “When I
  was late to work I really got schooled.” 6 . To be
  sick, injured, or dismayed: “I felt schooled after my
  relationship ended.” 7 . To express a state of we l l-
  being: “To d a y, I’m schooling it.”
  8 . To exe rt influ-
  ence over an object or person: “School that ladder
  a little to the left.” Idioms: new school 1 . Of or per-
  taining to contempora ry trends; new: “I have n’ t
  met many of the new school employe e s . ” o l d
  school 1 . An era of time in the past, no longer in
  popular favor; old: “Nobody listens to that old
  school album anymore . ”
  T a c · t i c ( TAK-tik) n. pl. t a c · t i c s. 1 . A plan or
  activity: “ I ’ve got tactics Friday through Sunday. ” 2 .
  A shady ploy to accomplish an objective: “I had to
  use tactics to steal that car. ” 3 . Recent sexual inter-
  course, usually used to dehumanize the act and
  said while nodding the head and smiling: “Did yo u
  get any tactics last night?”
  S t r a p p e d ( ST R A P T) adj. 1 . Armed, as with a
  gun: “Both the police and the bank robbers we re
  s t ra p p e d . ” 2 . Fully pre p a red or ready for anything:
  “ Fool, I stays strapped.  I go to churc h — I ’m
  s t rapped.  I go to see my moms—I’m strapped.  I go
  to buy pampers for my baby — I ’m stra p p e d . ”
  
  start makin’ some pals.  When considering
  pen-pals, the group can choose betwe e n
  national and international, male and female,
  liberated and incarcerated, or promiscuous
  and prudish.  With over six billion people on
  the planet, of which about two-thirds are lit-
  erate to some degree, this leaves more than
  four billion people for group members to
  write.
  Businesses love to hear from customers
  about their products.  Compliments or even
  complaints often receive prompt responses
  that more likely than not include return let-
  ters, coupons, and even an occasional free
  item.  The Inner Circle could even write to
  embassies for information on dual citizen-
  ship, travel, etc.  Other possibilities include
  writing to Santa Claus, Hanukkah Harry,
  Osiris, and other religious/Hallmark icons.
  Of course these sorts usually don’t write
  back, but they do bestow various benefits.  
  Re m e m b e r, too, that a letter doesn’ t
  have to be written.  Letters may be recorded
  on audio or videotapes to provide an even
  more effective means of communication with
  w h o m e ver the Inner Circle is addre s s i n g .
  Also, electronic mail allows the group to send
  letters at the sluggish speed of light, but
  hand written letters often have meaning long
  after a forwarded e-message has been delet-
  ed.  Whomever group members choose to
  write, and whatever means they use, as long
  as there’re no bombs attached, eve ryo n e
  involved is sure to be blown away with hap-
  piness.
  IDEA: Everyone in the Inner Circle choos-
  es a person from the White Pages with an
  interesting name and writes that person a
  letter.  Any pretense may be used, any identi-
  ty assumed.  For example, one group mem-
  ber could claim to be a suicide mission sur-
  vivor in need of emotional support.  The let-
  ters ask for responses, thus long after the
  Quest is over group members may receive
  letters from their new friends.
  9. Fr i e n dly Encounter 
  A person without money is considered
  poor, but those who have a true friend are
  among the richest in the world.  Indeed, you
  can have all the money, power, and respect
  on Earth, but without friendship you may be
  the loneliest person there is.  Friends are
  those people whom you can lean on when
  maybe you are down, call on when you’re in
  trouble, and hang with when times are good.
  You can never have too many friends, so why
  not make some more?
  Friendly Encounter spurs the Inner Circle to
  go out and make some new friends.
  The first thing that the Inner Circ l e
  should consider is where to go to meet new
  people.  Any public place is a good start, but
  somewhere group members feel comfortable
  is always preferable.  This could be a bar, cof-
  feehouse, bookstore, etc.  If they have some
  special interest (such as shooting guns) they
  could go to a place featuring activities along
  those lines (like a firing range) to find others
  who share their interest.  Certain activities
  can put group members into situations in
  which they can’t help but meet new people.
  For instance, while donating their time for a
  cause, they may become friends with fellow
  workers and others they meet.
  There’s a lot more to making friends
  than simply relocating to a public place.  One
  method is for the Inner Circle to talk to
  strangers as a group.  Alternately, each mem-
  ber could make new friends individually.
  Another option invo l ves group members
  introducing their personal friends to the rest
  of the Inner Circle.  Whatever approach is
  used, keep in mind that although money
  can’t buy (or lease) love, it can buy greedy
  friends.  Many a one-sided friendship was
  kick-started by a little freely spent dough.
  Whether they use their high charisma or cold
  hard cash, new friends may be right around
  the corner.
  IDEA: The Inner Circle imitates people
  nearby.  More often than not, this approach
  will cause people to relate well with the
  group and to strike up conversation.  Group
  members try this at a John Tesh concert, imi-
  tating his fans as they snap their fingers to
  his smooth stylings.
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE  8-9
  19
  7. Savor the Flavor 
  Some people eat when they’re hungry.
  Some eat when they’re bored or depressed.  St i l l
  others eat to enjoy the subtle tastes of a fine del-
  i c a c y.  These people choose to discern the sub-
  tleties that are inherent to all food of real quality.
  They appreciate the almost indistinguishable dif-
  f e rences between fine wines, cheeses, jalapeño
  peppers, and toaster pastries.  For them, the
  world is a richer, more taste-filled place.  T h e
  good news is that anyone with a passion for food
  and drink can become a connoisseur.
  S a vor the Flavor sharpens the Inner Circ l e’s sense
  of taste with comparisons of foods and beve ra g e s .
  The first and most practical option for the
  Inner Circle is to conduct a taste test (either blind
  or not) between similar brand name foods.  Wi t h
  s e ve ral varieties of food items, the group may
  establish which is best without the usual name
  b rand prejudices clouding their judgment.  T h e i r
  taste test could invo l ve blindfolds to imitate the
  famous Pepsi vs. Coke challenge, or even com-
  p a re these bigwigs with a few other more
  o b s c u re yet tasty colas.  Ever wonder how
  American Fa re, Bubba, Fanta, Big K, Faygo, Jolt,
  and RC among others stack up?
  Other good taste tests could invo l ve tasting
  the differences between various brands of deli-
  cious microw a vable breakfast burritos, canned
  corn, energy drinks, fast-food hamburg e r s ,
  spaghetti sauces, candy bars, bottled water, or
  any other food type re p resented by many
  b rands.  What really is the difference betwe e n
  the $1.49 bottle of water,
  the $.79 brand, and tap
  w a t e r, anyway?
  Of course, it isn’ t
  always necessary to com-
  p a re common food and
  drink.  With their superior
  senses of taste, the Inner
  C i rcle may sample and ra t e
  vintage wines, soufflés,
  international beers, caviar,
  and or course, malt liquors.
  While sipping a fine beve rage, the group may
  comment upon the complexion, bouquet, taste,
  and potency of their chosen drink.  Remember to
  use words like hickory, bold, cedar, redolent, and
  a romatic.  W h a t e ver food is tasted, group mem-
  bers will find that there is a little bit of gourmet in
  the eve ryd a y.
  ID EA: The Inner Circle poses as food critics to
  e xe rcise their taste buds and opinions.  In their new
  roles, group members pre p a re sheets to rate a ra n-
  domly chosen re s t a u rant on service, atmosphere ,
  cleanliness, and of course food taste.  After (hope-
  fully) enjoying their meal, they may then submit
  their findings to a local newspaper, as well as the
  re s t a u ra n t.
  8. Mailbox Express 
  Remember when your grandma gave
  you twenty bucks and you were supposed to
  write her a thank you note?  Remember your
  friend who joined the army?  Remember say-
  ing “I’ll keep in touch” to that passionate
  summer romantic partner of so long ago?
  There are probably a dozen people whom
  every member of the Inner Circle has lost
  touch with over the years; and what better
  time than now to reconnect, using letters?
  M a i l b ox Ex p ress prompts the Inner Circle to
  write letters of a more or less positive nature .
  People love getting mail.  Mailbox
  Express helps the Inner Circle spread that
  love.  Think of the joy a simple letter can
  bring to older relatives, distant friends, and
  lost loves.  By writing any of these individu-
  als, group members will be both strengthen-
  ing their own ties, and bringing those whom
  they write joy and a pleasant surprise.
  Writing the familiar need not be the only
  option.  There are numerous pen-pal services
  available.  These may be found in the Yellow
  Pages, through various foundations, and on
  the Internet.  If no one in the Inner Circle has
  experienced the unique enrichment that only
  corresponding with a pen-pal can bring, then
  it may be the time to get out the pens and
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE   7-8
  18
  
  tion worthy of the name should be kept secre t
  until it is fully re g i s t e red with the U.S. Pa t e n t
  Office and ready to be unleashed upon the world.
  A small list of successful inventions include the
  Spork, sewing machine, Ab-flex, cotton gin,
  Ga rden Weasel, sliced bread, Roller Blades,
  b reakaway clothing, steamboats, umbrella, Po s t -
  It notes, nylon, Juice Weasel, penicillin, and
  Ve l c ro.
  Besides necessity, the Inner Circle can look
  to other sources for direction.  Ideas can be
  sparked by learning about existing inventions, or
  by developing new uses for old objects.  T h e
  g roup could even make new devices by combin-
  ing eve ryday objects such as blenders, bottles,
  fans, scissors, flippers, irons, etc.  An example of
  a dual-purpose invention could be gluing a comb
  to the top of an alarm clock.  This way, when the
  alarm goes off in the morning people may imme-
  diately begin combing their hair.  Other better
  k n own inventions of this type include hats with
  built-in can holders, brass-knuckle key chains,
  and glasses with windshield wipers.
  Just taking some time to think about new
  c o n t raptions that would enhance the Inner
  C i rc l e’s day-to-day activities can be inspira t i o n a l .
  These methods of tapping into inner cre a t i v i t y
  we re used by famous inventors such as Georg e
  Washington Carver (many uses for the peanut),
  Toshi Tada Doi and Joop Sinjou (compact disc),
  Charles Goodyear (rubber vulcanization), Nikola
  Tesla (alternating current, or AC), Samuel Colt
  ( re vo l ver), and Enrico Fermi (nuclear re a c t o r ) .
  Ask any inventor: it isn’t hard to stumble upon a
  thought that will re vo l u t i o n i ze life as we know it.
  H owe ve r, in order to stumble, the mind must first
  be put in motion.  So grab some paper and pens,
  dig up some raw materials, and just start tinker-
  ing.  If the inventions mentioned above are any
  indication, the world is always ready for some-
  thing new, whether it’s useful, dangerous, or just
  plain farc i c a l .
  ID EA: The Inner Circle investigates a
  method to enhance cre a t i ve thinking while
  i n venting, developed by Thomas Edison.  Gro u p
  members begin by reclining in chairs and secur-
  ing their left arms to the armrests.  They then hold
  s e ve ral metal bearings in their left hands, under
  which metal cups are fastened.  They proceed to
  sit back, relaxing their minds and bodies.  If any-
  one should fall asleep, the bearings will fall into
  the cups, awakening the sleeper.  After re p e a t i n g
  this process seve ral times, Edison mastered the
  a rt of staying in the half-awake half-asleep (hyp-
  nagogic/samadhi) state.  Once there, gro u p
  members will be capable of figuring out how to
  make things that would normally be considere d
  i m p o s s i b l e .
  12. Reality on Film 
  A desolate street corner: 1:05 a.m.  The man
  brings his camera to bear on the worn pro s t i t u t e .
  She eyes the lens disdainfully as she takes a dra g
  f rom her cigarette and blows the smoke out the
  side of her mouth.  Her matted brown hair dan-
  gles down to her lower back.  Dark circles hang
  under her eyes, and her lips are burnt from suck-
  ing on crack pipes.  Her stained clothes hang on
  her emaciated body like a death wra p.  She
  stands as if her leg had been broken at one time
  and never properly healed.  “Why are you out
  h e re tonight?” the cameraman asks.  She looks at
  him with a rotted smile and says, “It’s a living.”
  Reality on Film summons the Inner Circle to
  re c o rd a documentary on video or other media.
  D o c u m e n t a ry films deal with real life peo-
  ple, places, and events.  Although video camera s
  a re the typical documenter’s tool, 35mm camera s
  and audio tape re c o rders may also be used to
  document re a l i t y.  The Inner Circle should first
  decide on the subject matter to film.  The choices
  a re endless.  Some ideas for documentaries are :
  animal treatment by next-door neighbors, the life
  of someone the group knows, the local police,
  labor conditions at McDonald’s re s t a u rants, sub-
  urban gangsters, as well as endless other topics.
  With a little thought and pre p a ration, the gro u p’s
  d o c u m e n t a ry may even join the ranks of such
  t h o u g h t - p rovoking films and series as Roger and
  Me, Marty St o u f f e r ’s Wild America, Nova, Arnold
  S c h w a r ze n e g g a r ’s Pumping Iron, and The Occult
  Experience.  Many of these inspirational docu-
  mentaries are available on video.
  One specific example could be filming the
  nightlife of the Inner Circ l e’s area.  By going out
  with a camera, group members could capture
  happenings that take place at night (parties, beat
  d owns, pimping, car accidents, drug deals, etc.).
  They may also interview people they encounter.
  While filming, feel free to ask all sorts of odd and
  unusual questions.  Interviews may be easier if it
  is explained that the group is filming a documen-
  t a ry about nightlife before asking what people
  a re doing, where they are going, who they are
  meeting, etc.  One group member could even be
  the narra t o r, starting a documentary with an
  i n t roduction such as “This is ace re p o rt e r, Jimmy
  C ra n a xe, re p o rting live from outside The Naked
  B u n n y.  We are about to attempt to sneak a cam-
  e ra into the adult establishment you see behind
  me to capture the shady dealings that take place
  inside.  Of course, this is purely for re s e a rc h . ”
  The Inner Circle should attempt to get the
  truth about real life situations before filming, no
  matter what.  All too often, TV documentaries
  d o n’t talk about the real deal of the stre e t s .
  Hollywood whitewashes reality and candy-coats
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE   11-12
  21
  10. Conduct a Survey 
  Every week polls and surveys gather sta-
  tistical information about what people think,
  how they feel about current events, how they
  spend their time, and countless other issues.
  But, are the surveyors asking the right ques-
  tions?  Are they covering what really matters?
  Well, now you have a chance to ask people
  about the topics that are more interesting,
  more intriguing, more shocking, and more
  o f f e n s i ve than the usual wussy surve yo r
  would ever dream of asking.
  Conduct a Survey deals with the Inner Circle
  planning and executing a survey of any sort.
  The first things to think about when con-
  ducting a survey are the questions.  The
  q u e s t i o n n a i re the Inner Circle creates or
  finds could contain inquiries about any topic
  imaginable.  This poll is then released to
  gather essential information about the
  thoughts and opinions of the public, or the
  group members themselves.  The survey top-
  ics may range from sexual fetishes to Loch
  Ness Monster sightings in the group’s area,
  from whether the Earth will end in nuclear
  war or locust plagues, to the relationship
  between smoking and infidelity, or anything
  else conceivable.  The unlimited scope of
  e n t e rtaining topics such as these means
  nothing but fun.  
  With any survey, how the questions are
  presented is very crucial in determining the
  nature of the data the Inner Circle will com-
  pile.  Some common ways that surveys are
  structured include true and false, a scale of
  some sort (very satisfied to very dissatisfied,
  for example), multiple choice, or by category.
  An example of a multiple-choice question
  could be: When was the last time you were
  abducted by aliens for scientific experimen-
  tation?  A) ten years ago or more; B) one to
  nine years ago; C) within the past year; D)
  last night; E) I don’t remember ever being
  abducted—their experiments must have
  erased that portion of my memory.
  There are many approaches that can be
  used to gather responses to the Inner Circle’s
  survey. The most direct approach is to walk
  amongst the public, perhaps having people
  fill out short photocopied forms.  Some other
  commonly used surveying methods include
  mail-in, telephonic (make sure it’s before
  8:00 p.m. in many states), and email.  Once
  the means of contacting people has been
  determined, the actual survey is ready for
  action.  Polls are sometimes pre d i c t a b l e ,
  often surprising, and always entertaining.
  IDEA: The Inner Circle creates a survey
  to ask each other. The questions all have to
  do with finding out what the group thinks
  about one another.  Once all of the results are
  assimilated, the information is conve rt e d
  into percentages, pie charts, and other visual
  aids.
  11. Devise an Invention 
  From the beginning, we tool-using primates
  h a ve been struggling to stay warm, keep food
  a round, stop animals from eating children, and
  i n c rease the amount of leisure time.  Little by lit-
  tle, inventions have pushed the technological
  limits of humanity.  The result is the world you see
  a round you, filled with personal spacecra f t ,
  genetic re p ro g ramming, and time tra vel.  W h a t
  shapes will tomorrow ’s inventions take?  Why not
  take an active step forward, by devising one
  t o d a y ?
  Devise an Invention dares the Inner Circle to
  i n vent something.
  The saying goes, “necessity is the mother of
  i n vention.”  If that is true, then the Inner Circ l e’s
  needs can be a good source of inspiration for
  what to invent.  Group members could first work
  out their ideas on paper, as it’s best to have a
  f i n a l i zed plan before constructing anything.  In
  addition to a bit of inspiration, it is also a good
  idea to have a heap of stuff around in order to
  turn an idea into re a l i t y.  With a plan, some tools,
  and a large pile of parts, it’s possible to assemble
  any invention whether it be simple, silly, useful,
  s u r real, world altering (or all of the above ) .
  If the inventions the Inner Circle has in mind
  a re truly elaborate or outlandish, then they may
  be written out as blueprints, diagrams, schemat-
  ics, etc.  (That is, until the group raises the mil-
  lions it would take to get the inventions off the
  g round.)  A word of caution, howe ver: any inve n-
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE  10-11
  20
  
  them on all sorts of criteria on a variety of
  scales.  Thoughts such as “that girl is a per-
  fect ten,” “that guy looks like a date-ra p i s t , ”
  and “that burn victim is probably a calculus
  w i z a rd” enter one’s mind as often as thoughts
  of food or sex.  These ratings are rather sub-
  j e c t i ve and arbitra ry, and one is tempted to
  ask, “where’s the accuracy?”  We’re all famil-
  iar with the scale of 1 to 10, but this is only the
  tip of the ratings iceberg.  Eve ry attribute,
  a b i l i t y, and trait can be rated.  Eve ryone has a
  place at some point on some scale….  So
  w h e re do you fit in?
  Rating Attributes assigns the Inner Circle the
  amusing task of evaluating people’s qualities
  based on personal opinions.
  People have countless qualities that the
  Inner Circle can measure.  T h e re are the phys-
  ical statistics of strength, toughness, agility,
  health, and beauty.  T h e re are the mental sta-
  tistics of intelligence, common sense, logic,
  intuition, and willpowe r.  T h e re are the social
  statistics of charisma, genero s i t y, etiquette,
  b ra ve ry, and chutzpah.  T h e re are even the
  s t range “other” categories that include emo-
  tional threshold, sense of humor, honor, com-
  petence, and spiritual completeness, just to
  name a few.  Even more abstract qualities
  include whininess, potential to fake the funk,
  barbaric bloodlust, creeping ability, and
  angst.  Basically, group members are free to
  come up with any attributes with which to
  rate themselves or others.
  Once the appropriate adjectives have
  been decided upon, the Inner Circle needs to
  choose a scale or rating system to use while
  e valuating people.  To start, there are simple
  alpha and numeric scales (3 to 18, Ω to A,
  l e vel 30 stale to level 30 fresh, etc.).  Beyo n d
  these, there are qualitative ratings such as
  “ ve ry satisfying, somewhat satisfying, neither
  satisfying nor dissatisfying, somewhat dissat-
  isfying, or ve ry dissatisfying,” “red, ora n g e ,
  ye l l ow, green, blue, and purple,” or “feeble,
  p o o r, typical, good, excellent, incre d i b l e ,
  amazing, and ludicrous.”  Any of these or oth-
  ers may be used, depending on the level of
  detail the group wants to attain.
  After deciding on a scale, the Inner Circ l e
  begins rating people on various qualities.
  When the results are in, total numbers (or
  their equivalents) may be ave raged to re d u c e
  e ve ryo n e’s individual opinions into one accu-
  rate description (accurate being used ve ry
  loosely).  The group should find that at least
  half the fun is in comparing these (often con-
  t roversial) final re s u l t s .
  The Inner Circle could even decide to ra t e
  each other using military ranks.  As with any
  g ro u p, some people are natural leader types
  and others are not.  So with this in mind,
  g roup members could decide amongst them-
  s e l ves (or vote) who the Dons, warriors, sol-
  diers, and sub-scrubs are.  In the end, what-
  e ver method is used in Rating Attributes, peo-
  ple may not agree with how they we re ra t e d ,
  but will definitely have a better idea of what
  others think about them.
  ID EA: The Inner Circle creates a number
  of categories like high schools do for senior
  classes.  Of course, new categories are
  added, including Most Likely to Fail, Most
  Studious, Largest Feet, Biggest Fe m i n i s t ,
  Most Likely to End Up in Prison, Craziest Hair,
  etc.  Group members then vote amongst
  t h e m s e l ves to determine who will be award e d
  each title.
  16. Reminisce 
  What is life, really?  We live in the entire-
  ly elusive present; the space between the
  past and future, but that instant is infinitely
  small.  Think of where yo u’ll be tomorrow.
  B e f o re you know it, tomorrow will be a mem-
  o ry.  In truth, all we have is memory.  As soon
  as we begin to forget about our past, we
  begin to lose ourselves, and slip into the
  oblivion of time.  The answers to our pro b-
  lems, the direction for our future—all this can
  be found in our past.  Our memories can
  either be sweet or bitter, proud or re g re t f u l ,
  hilarious or deadly serious, full of joy or pain,
  sunshine or rain.  Above all, it is life—our life.
  Reminisce encourages the Inner Circle to
  recall past events through conversation, old
  photos, or other means.
  Even though we usually think we have
  lost most of our memory of long ago, this is
  untrue.  Eve ry image, eve ry sound, eve ry
  taste, touch, and smell of our waking and
  sleeping existence is re c o rded within our
  minds and can be easily accessed with quiet
  contemplation.  The Inner Circle should first
  decide how to go about sharing this wealth of
  memories with one another.  In a quiet envi-
  ronment, group members could sit and take
  turns talking about their recollections.  This is
  a powerful way to learn a good deal about
  each other’s history.  If just a few people
  decide to share in this way, there should be
  enough time to give a detailed account of
  their pasts, maybe even condensed ve r s i o n s
  of their entire lives.  Group members should
  feel free to openly share their experiences
  with one another and ask questions.
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE   15-16
  22
  the truth.  With that in mind, be pre p a red to film
  at any moment because one never knows when a
  bank ro b b e ry, tornado, or near-death rescue will
  take place.  The most important thing is not what
  the group is documenting, or how it is done, but
  instead that reality is being captured on film.
  ID EA: The Inner Circle forms a video pro d u c-
  tion team and makes a documentary of carniva l
  life at a state fair.  The Table Master assumes the
  role of dire c t o r.  Other positions include inter-
  v i e we r, makeup artist, cameraperson, lighting
  technician, sound person, best boy, etc.  After col-
  lecting the raw footage, the group returns and
  edits it into a tight, finished product using two
  VCRs and a tape re c o rd e r.
  13. Belly of the Cro w
  C rows are linked with death, decay, sor-
  row, and the spirit world in many cultures.
  They are nearly universally known to be bad
  omens, much like the number 13.  Rolling
  Flight of the Crow indicates that the time is
  just not right to play Morton’s Lite: 13%. The
  Inner Circle must immediately dissolve and
  should not play Morton’s Lite: 13% again,
  until after the next sunrise.  Take special care
  to heed this warning; to do otherwise may
  result in bad Karma.  Better luck next time.
  1 4. Intellectual Duel 
  Remember when, as a young child, there
  we re always those dumb kids who insisted that
  p rofessional wrestling was fake?  Using adva n c e d
  logic, their arguments for why this sport wasn’ t
  real could be easily crushed.  Mr. T had his ow n
  S a t u rday morning cartoon, wore gold c h a i n s , a n d
  used to work as a bouncer, giving drunken
  p a t rons c h o k e h o l d s and h a y m a k e r s . Hulk Hogan
  had a Saturday morning cartoon, wore a gold
  belt, and wrestled, using full nelsons and l e g
  d ro p s . M r. T was real; there f o re, wrestling must
  be, too.  Think about it.  To d a y, important deci-
  sions about the environment, the defense budg-
  et, and the direction of the space pro g ram are
  a rgued using similar methods of debate.
  Intellectual Duel entails the Inner Circle formally
  debating an issue.
  Debate is as much about trying to change
  other people’s opinions as it is about clarifying
  o n e’s own.  The Inner Circle may begin by picking
  a topic that group members hold divided opin-
  ions on.  Topics such as legalized pornogra p h y,
  the existence of a god, gun control, the validity of
  monogamy in marriage, and extra t e r restrial visi-
  tors, nuke ‘em or hug ‘em? are only the beginning
  of a list of many subjects that will fan the fires of
  debate.  When setting up a debate, the gro u p
  may wish to split into two teams.  From there, one
  side defends an argument, while the other
  refutes it.  During this time, one group member
  may act as a re f e ree of sorts, to ensure that fights
  d o n’t break out, and that people may speak with-
  out interruption.  To better pre p a re their arg u-
  ments, the two re s p e c t i ve sides may wish to find
  s u p p o rt i ve information, make visual aids, and
  o rg a n i ze key ideas.  
  N o r m a l l y, the two most eloquent and com-
  posed group members act as speakers for each
  side of an argument.  Howe ve r, there are a num-
  ber of other ways in which a debate can be struc-
  t u red.  The Inner Circle may instead allow eve ry-
  one to speak (possibly with time limits), org a n i ze
  panels, set aside a period where all speakers
  voice their opinions at once, or follow the format
  of a presidential debate.  If the gro u p’s size will
  a l l ow it, a neutral group of individuals may act as
  a panel of judges, weighing arguments, and
  deciding which side they agree with more stro n g-
  l y.  The most important concept to guide the
  debate is organization, and staying within the
  p re-established rules.
  Unlike other kinds of discussion, debating
  is an art in which each word is pondered and
  responded to with tact, thought, and speed.
  Many people don’t normally converse in this way,
  and instead become overly focused on what they
  a re saying, and not what other people are saying.
  A good debater spends more time listening than
  talking.  By understanding the opposing arg u-
  ment, the debater can pick up on shoddy re a s o n-
  ing, and use real logic to discredit the opponent’s
  position.  Totally crushing someone else’s belief
  s t r u c t u re can bring a perverse joy.  Ultimately,
  experiencing someone else’s opinion can be
  enlightening; but to change someone’s mind by
  winning an intellectual duel is by far the swe e t e s t
  v i c t o ry.
  ID EA: The Inner Circle divides into the p ro
  and c o n sides of a particular topic, based on per-
  sonal beliefs.  Then, before argument begins, the
  two sides switch positions.  The fun begins when
  g roup members must argue against something
  they support, or for something they really don’ t
  like.  This is a proven method of increasing peo-
  p l e’s debating skills, as it causes them to look at
  the argument itself, and not their feelings about
  i t .
  15. Rating Attributes 
  Eve ry day, people are rated.  Eve ry time
  you see people on the street, you immediate-
  ly (either consciously or unconsciously) ra t e
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE   12-15
  21
  
  and often more accurate, devices include
  d a rts spat from blow guns, quarrels hurled
  f rom cro s s b ows, rocks slung from slings, mar-
  bles launched from Wrist Rockets, or arrow s
  shot from short, long, composite, or daikyu-
  style bows.  These sophisticated primitive
  range weapons offer stealth and pierc i n g
  might that has yet to be matched by modern
  f i rearms.  Wielding any of these devices is sure
  to give a tremendous sense of power to any
  but the pinkest cow a rd.  
  T h e re are many ways the Inner Circle can
  p ractice with ancient weapons.  A quick searc h
  will re veal many arc h e ry ranges where gro u p
  members can rent bows and spend hours
  venting their hostilities on bales of hay.  As
  well, they could decide to stay in their ow n
  b a c k y a rds.  Gathering their primitive arms,
  they could decide to impale such things as
  t rees, wooden doors, sides of barns, cans,
  water balloons, and fleeing infidels.  T h e
  g roup may paint larger targets with bull’s - e ye s
  in order to better gauge accura c y.  After warm-
  ing up, a competition could be held to perma-
  nently decide who is the best.
  All of this talk leads up to the deadliest
  p r i m i t i ve weapon of them all, the atlatl.  Below
  is some more information about this deva s t a t-
  ing invention of the Asiatic nomads:
  The Inner Circ l e’s re d i s c ove ry of forg o t t e n
  p re - a g r i c u l t u ral roots can be educational,
  physically challenging, and uniquely sobering.
  When holding a crude weapon, one better
  understands the realities and harshness of
  ancient human conflict.  One can almost imag-
  ine the sound of bones snapping, the cries of
  mourning, and the pulse-pounding thrill of
  conquering weaker hominids.  Wield these
  weapons for fun, but remember the words of
  Al b e rt Einstein: “I know not with what
  weapons World War III will be fought, but
  World War IV will be fought with [atlatls].”
  ID EA: The Inner Circle creates a life-size
  dummy out of old clothes, zip-ties, fishing
  line, etc.  Group members then fill it with
  crumpled newspaper, St y rofoam peanuts,
  fake blood packets, etc.  Finally, they attach a
  big port rait of someone they dislike to the
  d u m m y ’s head.  Next, they tie it to a tree and
  p ractice hitting it in vital spots with their
  weapons of choice.
  19. Martial Wa r f a re 
  D
  The force of a martial arts blow impacts with a
  kinetic energy spirited with the mystic powers of
  Chi.  Hands and feet flow with deadly ease, like a
  hypnotic dance whirling with graceful jumps and
  spins, reaching out with phantom fingers of death.
  Warriors clash, life fades.  Timeless styles act as
  dark, sacred arrows that when cast, strike back.
  Whispers carry on the winds of war, “two men enter,
  one man leaves.”  Then, there is silence, like the
  raising of a hammer before it is brought to bear.
  M a rtial Wa r f a re pits the Inner Circle against each
  other in org a n i zed, mock-fighting.
  Of the many factors for the Inner Circle to
  decide upon, fighting style comes first.  T h e re are
  many different ways to go about practice fighting or
  sparring with one another.  The choices include, but
  a re not limited to: boxing, fencing (epée, saber, foil,
  F l o rentine, kendo, etc.), kick boxing (Muay T h a i ,
  Chinese, etc.), jousting, freestyle (or street) fighting,
  Kung Fu (Shaolin, Monkey, Drunken Fist, Unlimited
  Air Stance, Genius, Praying Mantis, Golden Chicken,
  etc.), martial arts (Bruce Le e’s Jeet Kune Do, Judo,
  Ka rate, Tae Kwon Do, Ninjitsu, Capajuera, etc.), and
  armed martial arts (nunchaku, Anti-Horse Sw o rd
  Technique, Flying Guillotine, etc.).  It would be
  e x t remely helpful if a group member was trained in
  one of the styles listed above so as to coach the oth-
  ers.  If no one is experienced, they may imitate the
  fighting techniques witnessed in real life or seen on
  TV (like in martial arts mov i e s ) .
  Aside from sparring (which should only be
  attempted if all participants are trained in a fighting
  style), there is the semi-safe option of mock
  unarmed fighting.  Any or all of the following basic
  guidelines can be used, or totally new ones devised.
  Ty p i c a l l y, any hit to the torso, head, or legs is con-
  s i d e red good, and the fighting momentarily stops as
  the attacker is awarded one point.  It may be decid-
  ed (for obvious reasons) that hits to the eyes, neck,
  and groin are not permitted.  Hits to the arms are
  c o n s i d e red blocked, and the fight continues on.
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE  18-19
  24
  A great way to get even shy people talk-
  ing is to write questions that deal with the
  past on pieces of paper and drop them into a
  hat.  The Inner Circle then takes turns dra w i n g
  f rom the hat and speaking for about five min-
  utes on whatever question pulled.  Sample
  questions and topics include the follow i n g :
  “What are your earliest memories of school?”
  “Describe your initiation into the seedy drug
  underworld,” and “How did your first date
  g o ? ”
  Perhaps the most powerful tool the Inner
  C i rcle could use for bringing memories to the
  surface, short of hypnotic re g ression, is the
  use of objects from the past.  These include
  old photo albums, letters, journals, old toy s ,
  s c rapbooks, and other such mementos can
  help bring an individual’s past alive for the
  rest of the gro u p.  Oftentimes it is not the
  sight of these things, howe ve r, that brings
  back the strongest memories, but their smell.
  Let it be known that smell is by far the most
  p owerful at sparking recollection, so scented
  items are the easiest tools to open one’s mind
  to the past.
  L a s t l y, the Inner Circle could choose to
  a p p roach Reminisce by piecing together
  someone else’s history.  Most often photos,
  official re c o rds, diaries, and other clues to a
  p e r s o n’s past are stored in attics or base-
  ments.  It’s always best to get permission
  b e f o re invading someone’s priva c y, but even if
  stealth is necessary, the group is sure to have
  a ve ry special and meaningful time.  T h e
  deeper the analysts decide to dig, the more
  surprises are bound to turn up.  W h a t e ve r
  methods they use to delve into the past, just
  keep one thing in mind: make the pre s e n t
  wonderful, because it all becomes the past in
  due time.
  ID EA: The Inner Circle splits into two
  g roups.  Each group chooses one person’s
  past to examine.  The two groups then sepa-
  rately interrogate these individuals, trying to
  come up with all the major events of their
  l i ves.  The groups then write all events (good
  and bad) on a sheet of paper, and begin to
  construct a timeline and brief re p o rt on the
  re s p e c t i ve person’s entire life.  Once finished,
  each group then gives a presentation to the
  other gro u p, covering eve rything from birth to
  p resent.  Along with each gro u p’s timeline
  and speech, other aids from the person’s past
  a re used, such as: guest speakers, picture s
  taken at different ages, video footage, old
  effects, or whatever else will enhance the
  d e m o n s t ra t i o n .
  17. MortonsList.com 
  Just when you thought it couldn’t get any
  m o re unpre d i c t a b l e … .
  M o rtonslist.com evokes the Inner Circ l e’s
  curiosity by investigating the official
  M o rt o n’s List website to re c e i ve a My s t e ry
  Q u e s t .
  The description of this unort h o d ox Quest
  is not written here because the Inner Circ l e
  must look up http://www. m o rt o n s l i s t . c o m /
  in order to find out what it is.  This we b s i t e
  contains a link to a My s t e ry Quest.  T h e re ,
  g roup members will re c e i ve all the informa-
  tion they need.  Though no further details can
  be bestowed here, let it be known that it
  changes re g u l a r l y.  When encountered, it will
  n e ver be the same twice.  (Why are you still
  reading this?  Don’t wait—go now ! )
  ID EA: The Inner Circle sends emails
  t h rough the website, leaving group members’
  p rofiles and what they thought of the My s t e ry
  Q u e s t .
  18. Primitive Arms 
  D�W
  Atlatl.  To many, this word seems unfa-
  m i l i a r, yet vaguely Central American.  Fe w
  a p p reciate how profoundly this word has
  shaped the course of human history.  Wi t h o u t
  it, mastodons might still roam the Gre a t
  American Plains, terrifying children and crush-
  ing satellite dishes.  In fact, the entire course
  of civilization may have been set back thou-
  sands of years we re it not for the atlatl.  So
  m i g h t y, so deadly, so precise.  The atlatl was
  the most pow’ful weapon known in 10 , 0 0 0
  BCE.  With this primitive range we a p o n ,
  humanity was able to not only surv i ve, but to
  p rotect and conquer.
  Pr i m i t i ve Arms aims to increase the Inner
  C i rc l e’s ability to use any thrown or pro j e c t e d
  ancient weapons in competition or pra c t i c e .
  The irrational urge to kill things has led
  to the wide variety of thrown weapons ava i l-
  able to the Inner Circle today.  Sharp instru-
  ments such as bowie knives, axes, throw i n g
  stars (or shuriken, as ninja call them), and
  spears can be thrown directly from the hand,
  without the need of additional leve ra g e - p ro-
  ducing devices.  Other blunt objects such as
  the bola, sling, boomerang, and rocks can be
  just as fun as some of the more deadly
  weapons, while providing a more athletic and
  less murd e rous undertone.  More complex,
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE 16-18
  23
  The oldest atlatl ever unearthed dates back to
  19,000 BCE.  T h e re is evidence, howe ve r, that
  suggests these devices penetrated flesh as far
  back as 40,000 BCE.  In North America, the
  atlatl was a vast improvement over the Clov i s
  point spear.  A newly developed bre a k t h ro u g h
  technology called leve rage was used to hurtle a
  s h o rt spear at ludicrous speeds, of over 12 0
  mph, into the hearts of huge megafauna such
  as the giant sloth, saber-toothed tiger, and
  wholly rhinoceros.  The atlatl, though bearing
  an accursed name, was one of the earliest tools
  of mass destruction, for better or for worse.
  Disclaimer
  Pr i m i t i ve ranged weapons are not toy s .
  Do not use ranged weapons unless trained by a
  qualified instructor.
  Always ensure that no one is dow n - range of a
  ranged we a p o n .
  Do not drink and use ranged we a p o n s .
  Do not aim at or near a person, group of per-
  sons, or the pro p e rty of others.
  Do not harm or destroy the pro p e rty of others.
  Do not aim at legally protected animals.
  All ranged weapons users must be pro p e r l y
  l i c e n s e d .
  
  20. Skate or Die
  W
  Ever since Michael J. Fox invented the skate-
  b o a rd (as depicted in the 1950s documentary, B a c k
  to the Fu t u re ) , a cra ze has swept the nation.  Beyo n d
  that, roller skates have been an even more popular
  i n vention, as showcased in the late ‘70s epic film,
  Roller Boogie. N ow, with the innovation of in-line
  skates, people can skate harder and faster than eve r
  b e f o re.  T h e re is one thing in common with all of
  these forms of skating: they are simply some of the
  best ways to get and stay fit.  If the fun, exc i t e m e n t ,
  and healthful benefits are any indication, it will only
  be a matter of time before shoes are completely
  replaced by re t ractable roller technologies.
  Skate or Die rolls the Inner Circle forward on in-line
  skates, skateboards, ice-skates, ro l l e r-skates, etc.
  The Inner Circle may wonder why dying is
  mentioned right alongside skating.  Well, that’s
  because skaters who are n’t quick enough to avo i d
  cars, steamrollers, and rabid squirrels will soon be
  on another type of wheeled device: a hospital gur-
  n e y.  Before going out-and-about to live the ro l l e r
  lifestyle, the group should make sure that: 1) all
  members know how to control their wheeled or
  bladed devices; 2) the proper safety gear is worn;
  and 3) liquor comes later—after the skating equip-
  ment is cleaned and put away.  Proper safety equip-
  ment includes helmets and elbow, knee, shin,
  c rotch, wrist, ankle, and abdomen guards.  Okay,
  n ow that the tutorial is over with, it’s time to get to
  the real excitement of skating.  True skaters don’ t
  fear death.  The only fear they have is of not living
  life to the fullest.
  Whether on slick, modern in-line skates, or old
  style ro l l e r-skates, an experienced skater takes to
  the concrete like a construction worker.  Once the
  Inner Circle has achieved the proper attitude, the
  only thing left is to decide on the venue.  Depending
  upon the type of skating, there are a variety of
  options.  The fixed features of the urban jungle are a
  s k a t e r ’s playground.  Malls, parking garages, sloped
  s t reets, paved lots—all these places offer wide
  expanses of flat ground for distance tra vel.  For stunt
  skating and skateboarding there are all sorts of
  curbs, fountains, parking blocks, handrails, stairs,
  and even more daring features to be found.
  If the Inner Circle would rather not have to
  dodge cops, howe ve r, there are also a plethora of
  indoor rinks and skate parks to explore.  Al t h o u g h
  roller rinks may have gone out with sleeveless T-
  s h i rts, some do still exist, and offer great music and
  loads of pubescent skaters.  In the winter months,
  ice-skating ponds and rinks are great places to
  s h red the ice or practice double axels.  Figure skat-
  ing, speed skating, and re c reational skating, are all
  cool ways to warm up the winter.  W h a t e ver the pre-
  f e r red method of skating, eve ryone should have no
  t rouble finding a great place to have fun.  For begin-
  ners, skating can be an exhilarating experience, and
  e ven experts can always improve their smooth
  m oves.  T h e re’s no doubt about it: skating is one
  way to face death, a n d h a ve a level-ten atom bomb
  time doing it.
  ID EA: The Inner Circle visits a fro zen lake,
  k n own for its good ice-skating.  Then, group mem-
  bers practice backwards skating (and other stunts),
  bullying, and ice dancing abilities.  While there ,
  they also try to establish the longest chain of ice-
  skaters that they can.  After it is made, whoever is
  leading the train attempts to c ra c k the whip, by tak-
  ing a sharp turn at high speeds.
  21. Creative Writing 
  Wednesday, February 15, 1922—I had
  first found the game in a decrepit bookstore.
  The shopkeeper looked more like a haggard
  butcher than the mousy bookworm one
  would expect to reside in such a place.
  Regardless of his less-than-fitting appear-
  ance, it was soon apparent that his knowl-
  edge of forgotten tomes was sharp beyond
  all my estimations.  His callous, degenerate
  manner masked a more approachable spirit,
  like the hard steel ribbing of a Vi c t o r i a n
  corset over soft flesh.  With a flash of yel-
  lowed, sturdy teeth, he produced a chewed
  velvet sack from beneath his worn counter.
  He assured me that this book had come into
  his hands by no ordinary means, and that it
  was a volume unlike any to be found in my
  expansive library.  Skeptical of such claims, I
  languidly pawed at its hand-tooled morocco
  cover, and thumbed through the musty, crum-
  bling pages.  Without rethought I knew that
  both my unknowing bookkeeper and I were
  in grave danger. This was not a collection of
  scribbling by the hands of men, nor were its
  illustrations those of things familiar to you or
  me.  No twist of mad intention, nor clever for-
  gery could weave such a blend of tortured
  beauty and seductive premise.  With a sud-
  den pang of humanitarian impulse, I paid
  what he asked, and saved him from the fate
  bound to any near that book.  I knew then, as
  the work claimed, that my boredom would
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE  19-21
  26
  When a fighter reaches a certain point total (such as
  six), the fight is ove r.  Judges can be used to deter-
  mine how many points each hit is worth (from one to
  t h ree, for example) based on how powerful or lethal
  it looked.
  For health reasons, the fighters should not
  e xecute full-force punches and kicks, but should
  instead pull their punches or merely tap the targ e t
  a rea.  If more realism is re q u i red, the target are a s
  could be protected or padded gloves worn.  Fu l l
  f o rce could then be applied while fighting.  (Even if
  p rotected, always take care not to strike pre s s u re
  points, and n e ve r use the q u i vering death touch
  p owers granted by certain martial art s ) .
  If the Inner Circle decides to do mock armed
  m a rtial arts, fake versions of real weapons (safe to
  hit each other with) should be acquired.  Besides
  p u rchasing toy weapons, some examples of impro-
  vised ones include a broom (spear), a long sock with
  a foam ball inside (morning star), or a card b o a rd
  tube (sword), etc.  Scoring is basically the same as
  a b ove with one exception: arms are now score
  a reas.  Should the group have training, and wish to
  fight with real or semi-real weapons (as in fencing),
  p roper pro t e c t i ve gear should always be worn.
  B e f o re any mock fighting begins, the format
  for the competition should be decided upon.
  M a rtial Wa r f a re is typically set up as an elimination-
  style event.  That is, when people lose a match, they
  a re eliminated from the contest.  That way, one play-
  er is ultimately crowned the champion.  The Inner
  C i rcle could also set up any combat scenario
  wished, besides the typical one-on-one match: two
  vs. two, one with a sword vs. two without, etc.  T h e
  g roup may even decide to have no points invo l ved in
  the fighting.  One example would be to fight each
  other with padded weapons, attempting to knock
  each other off stools, logs, etc.  Other options
  include fighting with full force punches and kicks
  against well protected opponents (wearing padding
  and guards).  This way, the group can safely pra c t i c e
  form, execution, accura c y, balance, and timing.
  F i n a l l y, a location to fight should be found.
  This could be indoors or out, pre f e rably including a
  well-lit ring (available at some gyms), Coliseum, or
  a rena (hail to those with the re s o u rces to pull this
  o f f).  If these are not obtainable, then any quiet dis-
  t ra c t i o n - f ree environment or area with an entert a i n-
  ing backdrop could be chosen (ro o f t o p, forest glade,
  beach, etc.).  With that last thought, an image of a
  whiny teenage loser balancing on a log pra c t i c i n g
  the crane stance with the ocean behind him comes
  to mind.  Wax on, wax off—perhaps the ve ry funda-
  mentals to being a martial arts master.  Or at least
  gaining great skill in shining cars.
  ID EA: The Inner Circle participates in the eve n t
  k n own as Clash of the Ninja.  This competition is
  comprised of three events in which group members
  dual against each other to earn points.  An event is
  completed only after eve ry player has faced off
  against all the other players (not necessarily in a
  row).  One group member judges each event or
  appoints a judge while competing.  As play pro-
  g resses, both winners and losers keep track of their
  points.  After the third and final event, points are
  totaled, and the ultimate winner is determined.
  Ninjitsu Fight—Two participants square off in
  a mock fight of unarmed combat.  When re a d y, the
  judge starts the fight by saying, “begin.”
  Opponents try to score points by hitting each other’s
  head or torso area using either hand or foot attacks.
  Points are scored when an area is t o u c h e d .
  W h e n e ver a hit is scored the judge stops play and
  a w a rds either a full point or a half point depending
  on how well placed the hit was.  If the hit was
  unclear or both hits we re simultaneous, the judge
  says, “no point.”  After any stopping of play, the
  opponents move five feet apart, and await the
  j u d g e’s signal.  The first combatant to earn thre e
  points wins, and combat is stopped.  All points
  (including the loser’s) are kept track of, to be added
  to future points earned 
  Sumo Wrestling—First, a 12-ft. diameter
  w restling circle is designated.  The rules are simple
  (and loosely based on actual Sumo wrestling): two
  opponents begin by facing each other at opposite
  edges of the circle.  At the judge’s signal, the two
  opponents immediately close and grapple one
  a n o t h e r.  Two points are awarded for making an
  opponent touch the ground with anything other
  than the feet (such as a knee, hand, or face).  As
  a b ove, play is stopped anytime points are award e d ,
  and opponents return to opposite edges of the cir-
  cle.  If an opponent is pushed outside the circle or
  both opponents are forced to the ground at the
  same time, no points are scored.  W h e n e ver play
  resumes after a no-point situation occurs, both
  opponents face each other at the center of the circ l e ,
  and brace shoulders.  The judge then signals for
  combat to re - s t a rt; and the struggle continues until
  one of the players earns four points, and wins the
  round.  Again, all points are tallied (and added to
  those in event #1).
  Knife Fight—To begin this clash, two fake
  k n i ves of different colors are acquired.  (In this
  example they are blue and red.)  Next, a fighting
  zone, roughly 40 by 20 ft., is marked.  The knives are
  placed at opposite ends of the fighting zone.  Tw o
  opponents start by facing each other in the center of
  the zone, no more than three feet apart.  One playe r
  re p resents blue, the other red.  Players begin facing
  their re s p e c t i ve colored knives, but blocked by the
  opposing playe r.  At the judge’s signal to begin,
  p l a yers attempt to attain their knives.  Combatants
  may only use the knife of their corresponding color,
  and the only way to score a point in this event is to
  mock-stab one’s opponent in the torso are a .
  H owe ve r, grappling, wrestling (such as dragging an
  opponent to your knife), disarming, tripping, etc., is
  all perfectly legal.  If any player or knife goes outside
  of the fighting zone, the judge calls a halt.  The com-
  batant or knife is then positioned inside the fighting
  zone near where the foul took place.  The first time
  a player steps out of bounds without being pushed,
  a warning is issued.  Fu rther infractions results in
  the opposing player being awarded one point.  After
  any point is scored, the play area is reset as above .
  The first player to reach three points wins.
  After the last event is completed, eve ry playe r
  totals the points re c e i ved from all three events.  Ti e s
  a re settled by a good old-fashioned stare down.  T h e
  p l a yer with the highest total is the winner.
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE  19-19
  25
  D i s c l a i m e r
  Only spar after being trained by a qualified instructor.
  Always wear pro t e c t i ve gear while participating in this
  Q u e s t .
  Do not spar with dangerous we a p o n s .
  Always spar on a padded surface.
  N e ver strike with full forc e .
  Do no strike the eyes, neck, or gro i n .
  Do not use deadly force, or any level of force that could
  be harmful to others or oneself.
  
  Venus de Milo, or Anais Nin’s Delta of Venus
  have inspired sculptors, painters, and writers
  of all times.  All of these famous works have
  attempted (and some have come very close)
  to capturing the limitless wonder of the
  human body in all of its activities.
  The Inner Circle has only to decide what
  form of art to explore the human shape with.
  D rawing, painting, and sculpting nude
  images are great ways to begin in the naked
  field.  Works of art can either be based on
  real or imaginary people.  Cartoon art depict-
  ing nude characters can also be very visually
  appealing, and a whole comic book could be
  created.  
  Another exciting option is writing erotic
  stories, poetr y, or novels.  These should be
  tastefully done, bringing great attention to
  the beauty of the human body and of the
  desires attached with it.  Stories such as
  these show how a shapely naked form is a
  powerful tool of sexual attraction, enticing all
  with its forbidden pleasures of the flesh.  
  The Inner Circle could explore the fulfill-
  ing art of nude photography, which is possi-
  ble if carefree models can be found who are
  not too shy to shed the restricting garments
  that hide the elegance of their naked forms.
  Up close and personal photography such as
  this can provide artistic enjoyment for years
  to come.  That’s not even mentioning nude
  filmmaking, either.
  Outside the realm of the common nude
  arts exist a whole spectrum of other options.
  Plaster body casts can be made by casting
  various appendages and then filling the
  molds with foam to create lifelike sculptures.
  The naked human body itself can be used as
  a canvas for special paint and decorations,
  adorning the whole body from head to toe.
  Also, nude models covered in paint can be
  pressed onto large sheets of paper to create
  impressions of their exquisite forms.
  Those with computer skills may find
  pleasure in enhancing nude pictures, using
  image editing to change them as they wish
  (perhaps adding themselves to scenes with
  naked models).  Digitally brushing over the
  small flaws of the body can make it appear
  perfect, or certain pro p o rtions can be
  enlarged for shocking but artistic appeal.
  Everything mentioned above makes for won-
  derful ways to express inner desires creative-
  ly.  In the end, remember that it’s all art.  Only
  the Inner Circle’s inhibitions and sense of
  good taste limit the possibilities.
  IDEA: One member of the Inner Circle
  volunteers to pose nude.  The other group
  members set up easels and drawing paper in
  a circle around the model.  They then capture
  the model’s naked form, from all angles, with
  charcoal pencils.
  23. Deep Topics 
  The spoken word: by far the greatest
  power that humans have to shape their own
  destiny. The effects that carelessly spoken
  words have on others might last for a life-
  time.  It is words that cause people to fall in
  love, and but a few uttered words can destroy
  a relationship that has lasted for ye a r s .
  Words can set a reputed killer free, and poor-
  ly chosen words could sentence an innocent
  to imprisonment for life.  There are those who
  have mastered the use of words to acquire
  money, power, and respect—anything they
  need in life.  Indeed, do not take words light-
  ly.  Choose your words wisely.  Make sure
  they have meaning and a strong purpose.
  Deep Topics probes the Inner Circ l e’s
  thoughts, feelings, and beliefs with ve ry
  meaningful conversation.
  The Inner Circle should first find a quiet,
  distraction-free area with comfortable seat-
  ing.  The group should then decide upon a
  deep, significant topic to talk about.  This
  ought to be of an important nature that
  greatly removes group members from casual
  conversation.  As they engage in this discus-
  sion, many revealing and insightful realiza-
  tions will probably surface, even if they have
  known each other for many years.  The group
  should verbalize input in an intelligent and
  peaceful manner.
  The sole purpose is to
  enlighten eve ryo n e’s minds and incre a s e
  awareness of others’beliefs.  An early warn-
  ing sign that things are going astray is when
  a n yo n e’s hands are around anyone else’s
  throat.  If this should occur, stop, drop, and
  roll.  This usually stuns people long enough
  for them to come to their senses.  (Note: This
  technique works in almost all emergency sit-
  uations.) 
  Below is the Deep Topics Table, contain-
  ing 30 topics that the Inner Circle could
  choose or roll for:
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE  22-23
  28
  soon be ended, but at what price?  I fear this
  may be the last entry in my journal….
  Creative Writing releases the Inner Circle’s
  creative juices, with writing from reality or
  imagination.
  On the great shelf of all that is written,
  the Inner Circle will find the writings of such
  authors as Bradbury, Hughes, Christie, Joyce,
  Wilson, Rice, Thoreau, King, and Asimov.  In
  the books beyond these distinguished
  authors, is a limitless expanse of blank
  pages.  These are the great tomes that have
  yet to come.  On these great blank sheets,
  g roup members can pen their cre a t i ve
  thoughts and try to ensure their place in lit-
  erary history. With writing utensils in hand,
  they can let the words flow from their own
  minds, into their arms, through their hands,
  and onto the paper.  Some say authors come
  as close as possible to immortality with their
  timeless tales.
  Only the talent, vocabulary, and imagi-
  nation of the authors limit the ways in which
  the Inner Circle may use written language
  creatively.  If it so pleases them, group mem-
  bers could write fiction in the form of short
  stories, novellas, or novels.  Within the broad
  realm of fiction, genres include (but are not
  nearly limited to) explosive science fiction,
  fantasy epics, political satires, tra s h y
  romances, childre n’s stories, suspense
  thrillers, teen mysteries, and spine-tingling
  tales of horror.  Non-fiction is a possibility as
  well, including biographies, true-life short
  stories, and technical works (The Complete
  Guide to Finishing Moves in Pro f e s s i o n a l
  Wre s t l i n g , for example).  Perhaps gro u p
  members could even write their autobiogra-
  phies.  Keep in mind that writing about famil-
  iar topics is a good way to keep details as
  a c c u rate as possible without requiring a
  great deal of research.
  Besides the Inner Circle writing individu-
  ally, there are also group writing activities
  available.  One option that could be enter-
  taining is for someone to write up the first
  paragraph of a short story, and then have
  everyone write a story starting where this
  introduction left off.  Another option would
  be for the group to re-write the ending of a
  well-known book to see who can come up
  with the most entertaining changes.  
  The Inner Circle could write a continu-
  ous story wherein one person starts the story
  and writes a single paragraph.  After the first
  person has written, the story is passed to the
  next person, who then writes the next para-
  graph.  When the third person gets the stor y,
  only the second paragraph may be used to
  write from.  The fourth person only views the
  third person’s paragraph, etc.  The story con-
  tinues in this manner until everyone has writ-
  ten at least one paragraph and then it is read
  aloud.  This could also be done in sentences
  or by having writers switch at random times
  (even if in mid sentence).  Group activities
  such as these are a great way to blend every-
  one’s imagination and multiply the creativity.
  IDEA: The Inner Circle conducts various
  writing exercises to improve writing abilities:
  character sketches (descriptions of charac-
  ters, real or fictional), memoirs, stream of
  consciousness writings (whatever comes to
  mind), scene concepts (describing a detailed
  setting), and plot outlines.
  22. Naked Beauty 
  The famous Venus of Willendorf statue
  does more than shed light on the Goddess-
  worshipping habits of ancient Europeans.  It
  shows us they may have been primitive, but
  they sure knew beauty when they saw it.  Not
  only is this small stone statue of a curvy
  woman nude, it’s buxom to the point of no
  return.  Without a doubt, she’s all woman.
  Archaeologists tell us the sculpture repre-
  sents fertility, and it very well might.  Beyond
  all that anthropological hot air, however, it
  shows that since the very beginning, people
  have thought the human form to be attrac-
  tive, sexual, and even magical.  The explo-
  ration of these feelings in an open and hon-
  est atmosphere can only help us become
  more in touch with our bodies, ourselves,
  and the beauty of being human.
  Naked Beauty entices the Inner Circle to cre-
  ate any visual or written artwork which glori-
  fies the nude human body.
  Eve ry w h e re the Inner Circle turns,
  human form is used as art.  From gaudy ciga-
  rette billboards, to renaissance paintings, to
  s o f t - c o re pornographic movies, to steamy
  romance novels, there are countless sources
  to draw inspiration from.  Going back to some
  great masters, Michaelangelo’s David, the
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE  21-22
  27
  
  the means of a stealthy entry should be consid-
  e red.  Most attempts will likely be restricted to
  f ront doors or other main entrances.  Howe ve r,
  l a rger venues such as concert halls and are n a s
  h a ve many alternate access points (balconies,
  w i n d ows, fire doors, ventilation shafts, back
  doors, etc.).  These openings may be closed but
  not locked, or patrolled by lazy guards, only
  i n t e r m i t t e n t l y.  Oftentimes, one-way doors can
  be opened by friendly strangers on the inside
  who think it’s neat that people are trying to
  sneak in.
  Next, is the safer but more challenging fast-
  talking approach.  Here, a smooth-talking gro u p
  member can use charisma to talk the Inner Circ l e
  t h rough the doors (“oh, we forgot our invites,
  we’re with Mr. Smith”).  Dressing the part is an
  i m p o rtant key to this method.  When attempting
  to infiltrate a convention on ancient Rome, dre s s
  as the Romans do, so to speak.  Carry a brief-
  case, wear a suit, bring a gift, make a nametag—
  do whatever it takes.  Large 35mm cameras and
  tripods can give the illusion of media affiliations.
  Pretending to know one of the event stars is
  another tactic to give credibility where there is
  none.  Making a fake all-access pass (easily done
  at copy centers), that can be quickly flashed with
  authority is also a sure way inside.  Even rushing
  by the front desk in a hurry and calling out “Dr.
  David Reubens!” can cause enough confusion
  and false importance to block any attempts at
  t h w a rting the gro u p.  
  A rather long-range approach could also be
  attempted.  The Inner Circle may call import a n t
  people who are running an event, claiming to be
  writers for a small independent magazine wanting
  to do an article.  If things go well, the con art i s t s
  will be added to the guest list (maybe even gain-
  ing press passes).  Printing impre s s i ve business
  c a rds is yet another tactic, as is leaving them in
  s t rategic locations and with the right people.  W h o
  k n ows?  The group may make the right connec-
  tions, and even get invited to the next big eve n t ,
  for re a l .
  ID EA: Knowing of a large concert in the are a
  that does not allow smoking inside, the Inner
  C i rcle drives to the location, picking up a couple
  of packs of cigarettes along the way.  Gro u p
  members light up as soon as they arrive (pre-
  tending to smoke if they do not normally do so).
  Next, they sneak over and mingle with smokers
  who are let out of the venue to indulge in their
  habit.  When the smokers are readmitted, the
  g roup enters as well, knowing that ticket stubs
  a re ra rely checked.
  25. Web of Deceit 
  L
  During the late 1980s the phenomenon of
  c rop circles took the world by storm.  Simple and
  e l a b o rate designs began appearing overnight in
  the wheat fields of England, United States, Japan,
  and other corners of the world.  Respectable scien-
  tists and crackpots alike began inventing theories
  to explain these events.  But in the end it was
  re vealed to not be atmospheric plasma concentra-
  tions or mysterious UFO spacecraft creating the
  c i rcles: they we re the work of two Englishmen,
  Doug Bower and Dave Chorley (along with other
  c o p ycats and perpetrators).  It was all a big hoax,
  so they claimed… or was it?
  Web of Deceit encourages the Inner Circle to
  stage a hoax.
  The use of photography is perhaps the eas-
  iest way for the Inner Circle to create a hoax.
  With a camera group members can create evi-
  dence (or even pro o f) of supernatural or unlikely
  happenings.  A snapshot of a glow - i n - t h e - d a r k
  Frisbee can become an alien saucer from a hos-
  tile planet.  Paint a few childlike sketches on a
  rock, take a picture, and instant ancient cave
  paintings are substantiated.  A blurry photo of
  someone wrapped in a furry blanket running
  t h rough the woods could become Bigfoot.  Some
  garbage floating on a lake could be pho-
  t o g raphed from far away, and easily mistaken for
  a giant sea monster.  With easy-to-use computer
  photo-editing pro g rams, the group can even add
  ghosts, poltergeists, or other psychic phenome-
  na to ord i n a ry family photos.  Recent pictures of
  g roup members may even be digitally merg e d
  with historically significant scenes, so that they
  can claim to be immort a l s .
  B e yond still pictures, the Inner Circle may
  use video cameras.  These can capture confes-
  sions of ex-top government agents, film alien
  autopsies, or document yeti / grey  alien / faerie
  / Chupacabra sightings.  Besides filming hoaxe s ,
  m o re elaborate schemes could be created for
  a n yone to witness first hand.  With a little elbow
  g rease, group members can fabricate their ow n
  giant footprints, UFO crash sites, blood cry i n g
  statues, asteroids from space, mysterious mes-
  sages in the sand, and even email virus hoaxe s .
  One option is to create realistic looking foot-
  prints leading away from a famous statue, to
  g i ve it the appearance that it has walked.
  Another option would be to try to convince peo-
  ple that a plump group member is the real Santa 
  Claus.  This could be backed by such evidence
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE  24-25
  30
  When discussing issues of such a deep
  and personal nature, it is easy to let unrea-
  sonableness get in the way of clear commu-
  nication.  Remember, we can all learn from
  each other, especially from those who we
  disagree with most.  Nobody has all the
  answers, and when we realize that, we can all
  begin to learn more about the questions.
  IDEA: The Inner Circle rolls on Morton’s
  List (pg. 13) to come up with a hypothetical
  Quest.  Group members then discuss what
  they would have done for that Quest, what
  they think would have happened while doing
  it, and what they would have learned.
  24. Evade the Blockade 
  C�D�L�T�W
  Eve ry day in eve ry city, hundreds, even thou-
  sands of parties, receptions, concerts, conve n-
  tions, and gala events are held and enjoyed by
  those possessing precious invitations or tickets.
  Yet these wonderful places of entertainment, fre e
  food, and pleasant conversation need not only be
  limited to those holding pieces of paper a l l ow i n g
  them to attend.  Why?  Because rules are meant to
  be bro k e n .
  Evade the Blockade invo l ves the Inner Circ l e
  getting into any private or ticketed eve n t ,
  though trickery, fast-talking, and/or stealth.
  The Inner Circle should first figure out what
  e vent to sneak into.  It is well worth stopping to
  consider just how vast and varied the world of
  p r i vate events is.  T h e re are many ticketed gath-
  erings and places to choose from, including
  music concerts, circuses, amusement parks, the
  Pentagon, movies, nightclubs, sports games,
  and science centers.  Though not so well publi-
  c i zed, private social gatherings are also ve ry
  common.  These include weddings, shipboard
  p a rties, diplomatic teas, company picnics,
  g a l l e ry openings, Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, conve n-
  tions, funerals, debutante balls, graduation par-
  ties, and more .
  Once the Inner Circle has located a targ e t
  e vent, the next step (arguably the trickiest) is to
  get in undetected, or more accura t e l y, u n q u e s -
  tioned.  The art of getting inside an event without
  paying or having proper credentials is a chal-
  lenging and highly re w a rding task to undert a k e .
  T h e re are a few tricks and pointers that will help
  g roup members deal with any unexpected obsta-
  cles that may stand between them and where
  they want to be.  The most important element of
  a successful infiltration is to feel and act like
  t h e re could not be a more natural place to be.  It
  is also important to not get too excited or scare d ,
  as this will draw attention to the gro u p.  Al s o ,
  make solid contingency plans, such as determin-
  ing a spot where eve ryone will meet if they get
  split up (should they need to run from guards, for
  example).  Stay calm, and remember that getting
  t h rown out is the worst thing that could happen.
  Even then, always try again.
  After reaching the proper mental a l t i t u d e ,
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE 23-24
  29
  Disclaimer:
  Do not break any laws.
  Do not taunt, harass, or threaten security per-
  sonnel.
  If caught, exit gracefully.
  Deep Topics Table
  Discuss…
  1. The possibilities of alternate realities,
  dimensions, or other planes of existence.
  2. Supernatural experiences.
  3. Relationships with parents.
  4. The nature of morality.
  5. What true happiness is.
  6. How science has progressed and affected
  society.
  7. The most evil thing each person has ever
  done.
  8. How everyone feels about death.
  9. Each person’s greatest achievement in
  life.
  10. If there is a Supreme Being /afterlife.
  11. The deeper meaning of common things
  (music, fast food restaurants, commercial
  ads, etc.).
  12. The ideal Utopia.
  13. What evil is.
  14. Everyone’s self-image and (perceived)
  biggest flaws and assets.
  15. The significance of dreams and their
  meanings.
  16. Each person’s most significant (if any)
  sexual experience.
  17. Whether or not humans have free will.
  18. Personal definitions and descriptions of
  love.
  19. The nature of the mind.
  20. A brush with death.
  21. Feelings about war.
  22. Where the future will take humanity.
  23. Each person’s most formative childhood
  experiences.
  24. What was learned from first lovers.
  25. Concepts of higher consciousness.
  26. What each person values most about
  life.
  27. How everyone views the treatment of
  animals by humans.
  28. The death penalty, and whether killing is
  ever justified.
  29. Spiritual experiences.
  30. What the true purpose of life is.
  
  ple of shopping carts by taking them home,
  to use for drunken drag races.  It’s time to
  crack down on these rowdies and restore
  order.
  Neighborhood Patrol empowers the Inner
  Circle to step outside and make the local
  streets safe for honest citizens.
  In these troubled times of wild lawless-
  ness, the world needs people like the Inner
  C i rcle to band together and stand tough
  against criminals—to do what the police can’ t
  or won’t do.  Simply, the group will become
  vigilantes.  This controversial term comes
  f rom vigilant, meaning: on the alert; watchful.
  In reality most org a n i zed vigilante gro u p s
  o p e rate fully within the law, as with the suc-
  cessful Neighborhood Watch pro g ram.  T h e
  g roup could join this organization or start a
  new law-abiding street forc e .
  The other option before members of the
  Inner Circle is darker: taking matters into
  their own hands.  Villains rely on people
  being too afraid and meek to stop their tyran-
  ny of the streets and canals.  The cops just
  don’t know what to do. These are desperate
  times, and dealing quick street justice may
  be the only way for the group to make a real
  difference.  This is the time for action, not
  self-pity or the hindering shackles of red
  tape.
  Whether working with the law or along-
  side it, the most important thing is that the
  Inner Circle gets out on the streets and
  becomes a scourge to vile nightlife.  One
  method of infiltrating criminal rings is to
  dress and act as they do.  Conversely, group
  members may even want to adopt the dress
  and tactics of successful street guardians.
  Brightly-colored berets, paramilitary attire,
  walkie-talkies, concealed stakeouts, finger-
  less gloves, strategic area patrols, durable
  boots, flashlights, and coherent organization
  can all be used to effectively stamp out
  crime.  All they need do, however, is simply
  walk around in the open—beacons of justice
  for any criminals who see them.
  For the Inner Circle’s education, below
  are legal guidelines related to making a citi-
  zen’s arrest:
  By banding together and standing
  strong in the face of wrong, the Inner Circle
  can help to reclaim the streets in the name of
  justice by putting an end to underage drink-
  ing, trespassing, vagrancy, parking or curfew
  violations, vandalism, muggings, loitering,
  jaywalking, and malicious mischief of any
  sort.  Once the streets have been swept clean
  of lawless trash, families will breath sighs of
  relief, and once again rejoice when the sun
  goes down.  Group members won’t be able to
  let their guard down in the paradise they’ve
  created, however, because as always, the
  price of freedom is eternal vigilance.
  IDEA: The Inner Circle starts up a new
  chapter of the Alliance of Guardian Angels,
  Inc. (founded in New York City by two people
  in 1979, which now has over 5,000 members
  in 67 cities across the world).  Group mem-
  bers pattern themselves after these tougher-
  than-leather champions of street-style jus-
  tice who are smarter, more valorous, and bet-
  ter organized than any hoodlum or gang.
  They train in first aid/CPR, the penal code,
  how to make citizens’ arrests, martial arts,
  and patrol techniques.  Carrying no weapons,
  and never stepping outside of the law on or
  off patrol, the group boldly steps out into the
  night.  For more information, the group writes
  the international headquarters: Mr. Curt i s
  Silwa c/o Guardian Angels, 982 E. 89th St.
  Brooklyn, NY 11236, or calls 718.649.2607.
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE  27-27
  32
  as a Santa suit, beard, good/bad list, magic
  tricks, toys, and many pictures of reindeers
  (taken at the zoo).  The group may get ideas
  from famous past hoaxes, or even start a new
  trend.
  The last step, after all the preparations
  have been made, is trying to convince other
  people that the hoax is real.  People are inher-
  ently gullible: they will believe what they want
  regardless of whether or not it makes sense.
  Think about the Big Bang theory, the value of
  diamonds, or the five-day work week: all these
  things are nothing more than ludicrous con-
  cepts, substantiated only by the fact that peo-
  ple continue to believe in them.
  ID EA: The Inner Circle creates a hoax
  séance.  Group members first create a sinister
  ambience, then gather any unsuspecting dupes
  they can find.  One member, talented at vocal
  impressions, is designated as the medium.  At
  key moments during the séance this person
  asks aloud for a sign from the spirit world.  This
  cues hidden members to bang on walls, thump
  their feet in the attic, cut the power to the fuse
  box, click a TV on via remote control, or what-
  ever else they have prearranged.  At another
  time the medium claims that a spirit has
  entered the room—at which time hidden mem-
  bers silently open windows to let in a cold draft.
  At the climax, the medium acts as if possessed,
  and talks like the supposed spirit.  After a cou-
  ple minutes, the lights flicker, and the medium
  returns to normal.  When it’s all over, the medi-
  um answers any questions, trying to convince
  the spectators that it was all real.
  26. All that you Like
  “T h a t ’s right.  We’re doing things my way—
  all that I like!  You got it?  So I better start seeing
  smiles and appreciation, you ingrates.  Hey
  you—in the back!  Wipe that frown off yo u r
  u n g rateful face, you loser.  Hey, didn’t you say
  you planned on joining the army soon?  Ye a h ,
  well I was in the Marines once, and a spineless
  jellyfish like you would never make it in the mili-
  t a ry, where you have to struggle and strive to be
  the best!  Now, for the rest of you civilians, let’s
  get this straight: this is going to be a happy time,
  a fun time, and a re w a rding time.  Most impor-
  tantly though, it’s going to be my time!  Hey, who
  called me a jar- h e a d ? ! ”
  All that you Like gives a random member of the
  Inner Circle the power to choose an activity for
  the whole gro u p.
  First, group members should spend a few
  minutes individually contemplating what they
  would like to do most for entertainment.  T h i s
  could be anything from watching horror mov i e s
  to quilting blankets with pretty ducks, to shop-
  ping for nouveau Eu ropean wicker chairs.  Next,
  one group member is randomly chosen by dra w-
  ing straws, picking cards, playing bingo, or some
  other random process.  Then, all group members
  do whatever the winner states.  Not only do they
  do the activity, but they should also show enthu-
  siasm the entire time.  It only takes one cry b a by
  to bring eve rybody dow n .
  Much like the Table Master, the winner
  decides on the details of the activity.  This is not
  to say that the winner has the authority to
  e n s l a ve the Inner Circle into doing chores or
  other boring, selfish, ve n t u res.  Ra t h e r, the win-
  ner thinks of something to do w i t h the gro u p, for
  fun.  The sole intention is for eve ryone to have a
  good time.  The Table Master still has the final
  say as to whether the chosen activity is legit or
  not, but should fully cooperate with and assist
  the winner.  When it’s all done and said, eve ryo n e
  should have a good time, and try to appre c i a t e
  someone else’s idea of entertainment.  But if
  push comes to shove, All That You Like insure s
  that at least one person will have a most superi-
  or time.
  ID EA: The winner decides that playing
  M o rt o n’s List is the best option for the Inner
  C i rcle.  After another Quest is rolled and gro u p
  members are on their way, they experience the
  we i rd para d ox of being invo l ved in t w o Q u e s t s
  simultaneously—as well as possibly having two
  Table Masters and an All that You Like winner
  who is also flexing some authority.  These ra n-
  dom probabilities are truly the best formula for
  c h a o s !
  27. Neighbo r h ood Pa t rol 
  D�L�W
  It’s time to do the dirty work of cleaning
  up the trash that litters the streets.  No, not
  pita sandwich wrappers and discarded juice
  boxes.  That garbage may be a nuisance, but
  we’re talking about the type of trash that
  makes it unsafe for Mr. and Ms. Public to use
  the ATM late at night; the trash that thinks
  it’s funny not to feed the meter when they
  park their new sport utility vehicles to go to a
  late-night restaurant.  It’s time to make the
  streets safe from lawless hooligans who get
  cheap thrills by depriving hardworking peo-
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE 25-27
  31
  Citizen’s Arrest Procedure:
  1. Say “You are under arrest” to the person(s) wit-
  nessed committing a crime.  They have no legal right
  to refuse.
  2. Call the authorities or take the offender(s) to a
  police officer or judge.  If they walk away or refuse to
  cooperate in any manner they may later be charged
  with the additional crime of evading justice.
  Disclaimer:
  Do not break laws or jeopard i ze safety to stage a hoax.
  3. The authorities will provide a complaint form for
  the arrester to sign.
  4. In rare circumstances, the District Attorney’s Office
  may ask the arrester to give testimony in court.
  Crimes for which a Citizen’s Arrest may be Issued:
  1. Abuse of Corpse or Venerated Object 
  2. Cruelty to Animals 
  3. Disorderly Conduct 
  4. False Alarm
  5. Harassment 
  6. Obstructing Public Highway or Through-fare
  7. Public Intoxication 
  8. Riot (seven or more people must be involved, and
  all must be arrested)
  9. Silent or Abusive calls to 911, and Interference with
  the Same
  Disclaimer:
  False imprisonment/arrest can result in civil
  /criminal prosecution.
  Use extreme caution when apprehending any-
  one.
  Do not harm suspects.
  Always use the buddy system.
  Do not frighten people.
  Only attempt neighborhood patrols after being
  trained by a qualified professional.
  Training should include the penal code, patrol
  techniques, CPR/first aid, and how to make a
  citizen’s arrest.
  
  There are many methods group members can use
  to find and interact with haunts on their terms.  It
  is crucial that they go to an area where phan-
  tasms are known or rumored to exist.  These rest-
  less apparitions are frequently attached to the
  astral/emotional bodies of buildings.  Ghosts can
  often be found near the sites of unspeakable past
  horrors.  An unavenged murder, for instance, will
  likely damn a soul to wander until justice is
  served.
  Wherever explored, the Inner Circle may
  wish to try to record any strange phenomena
  encountered.  One technique of capturing ghosts
  is by leaving a tape-recorder in a potentially
  haunted area.  Visual documentation is possible
  with photos or a video camera.  For some
  unknown reason, their subtle emanations may be
  better seen on film than with the naked eye.
  Thus, it is possible to shoot or photograph a cold
  spot where group members see nothing but feel a
  presence, and have a real ghost turn up when the
  tape is watched or the picture deve l o p e d .
  Infrared film may be purchased at photography
  stores and is perfect for this sort of work because
  it captures electromagnetic subtleties our eyes
  cannot sense.  Most of the time ghosts just don’t
  float around carrying signs reading, “Hey!  Look
  at me!  I’m a ghost!” so they may have to coax a
  shade out of the woodwork.
  Besides documentation, certain investiga-
  tive techniques can be used to certify the exis-
  tence of ghosts.  One such method is using a
  Ouija board in the middle of a graveyard to talk
  with ghosts trapped between the mortal and spir-
  itual worlds.  Taping the endless feedback loop
  created by pointing a video camera at a TV screen
  and feeding the signal into the TV has been
  known to pick up haunting sounds of the spirit
  world.  Small children or animals are often very
  sensitive to supernatural phenomena and may be
  used to sniff out a ghost.  Of course, the Inner
  Circle could also perform a full investigation of a
  haunted house, including talking with current
  residents, researching its history, interviewing
  living relatives of the supposed ghost, searching
  the house for clues, etc.  If group members are
  able to unra vel the reasons why a ghost is
  trapped in our world, they may be able to satisfy
  its unrest and set it free.
  T h e re is a real danger inherent to ghost
  hunting, and there are no promises.  Demonic and
  violent ghostly entities have been known to kill a
  person from sheer fright, age someone 10 - 4 0
  years, or para l y ze and attempt to steal the souls
  of those lax enough to close their eyes, even for a
  s e c o n d … .
  IDEA: The Inner Circle gazes into the spiritu-
  al world using a very powerful aid, known as a
  mirror.  Group members utilize a proven tech-
  nique that first requires a pitch-black area, void of
  all light and sound.  They set this area up in a
  large closet.  Next, they place a comfortable chair
  in the center, facing a large mirror.  One at a time,
  group members sit in this room, staring intently
  into the mirror (even though they cannot see it),
  waiting for the spirit forms to emerge.  This well-
  tested method has been known to bring forth
  ghostly images after 10-30 minutes.
  30. Unwanted Fa vo rs 
  C�D
  They say that some people just can’t be
  helped.  Some feel that people are too stubborn
  or a little too set in their ways to change.  Maybe
  t h e y ’ve been doing the same thing for years, or
  maybe it’s just the way they are.  You know what?
  It doesn’t matter one lick.
  Unwanted Favors entices the Inner Circle to
  help someone in a way the receiver might
  not necessarily desire.
  Some people have really bad habits.  T h e y
  might not know it, but their habits are re a l l y,
  really bad.  Fo rt u n a t e l y, the Inner Circle will be
  offering some much needed, but unasked for,
  assistance.  This help could come in the form of
  p re venting them from seeing a television show
  that they watch too much, or getting rid of those
  h u rtful cigarettes, alcohol, pork rinds, and/or
  collectable card games that consume so much
  time and money.  An ove r weight friend might be
  helped with weights, an exe rcise video, a scale,
  and appetite suppressants. Group members may
  d e l i ver these gifts clandestinely, or even stay and
  help their chubby pal burn the excess pounds
  a w a y.
  Maybe someone the Inner Circle knows has
  a damaging idea or belief.  A confrontation and a
  w h o l e - h e a rted attempt to get the person to
  change could be exactly what is needed to get on
  the road to freedom, so to speak.  Perhaps some-
  one has been dwelling at a re l a t i ve’s home for
  too long.  A pre a r ranged, serious discussion
  about getting that person out and living inde-
  pendently might be all that is needed to trigger
  some much-needed growth.  T h e re are also any
  number of small, decora t i ve touches that other
  people may appreciate, but would not necessar-
  ily ever do themselves or ask for.  Nice favors the
  g roup might inflict include painting someone’s
  room a pleasing color, trimming unruly hedges
  into magnificent animals and geometric shapes,
  or dramatically re a r ranging furniture .
  The Inner Circle may sign friends and
  acquaintances up for causes that they should be
  a part of, or put them on mailing lists for cata-
  logs, sale flyers, and other notices that will cer-
  tainly help out.  Another option for the group is
  to boldly clean out old, junky items that a friend
  p robably doesn’t need anymore.  Oftentimes,
  34
  28. Trash Jackals 
  L�W
  Ever hear that one man’s trash is anoth-
  er man’s treasure?  Well with so much friggin’
  trash out there, there’s bound to be shitloads
  of booty for everybody. Trash is everywhere
  you look, like a sea of human refuse.  For
  those afraid to swim, it’s scary; but for those
  ready to dive in, it’s a free-for-all waiting to
  explode.  Really good stuff is discarded every
  day because people are too lazy or too stupid
  to see how useful it really is.  The best news
  is that the trash keeps growing, all day, every
  day.  Four and a half pounds of trash a day,
  for every single living human being in this
  country. That’s a lot of garbage, and a hell of
  a lot of fun.
  Trash Jackals throws the Inner Circle into the
  world’s dumpsters and garbage heaps to
  seek out discarded treasures.
  No dumpster, alley, or trashcan is off
  limits to the Inner Circle’s frenzied, ravenous
  hunt for good junk.  From the dainty siftings
  of green trash pickers, to the hearty diggings
  of ve t e ran or elite dumpster divers, any
  garbage hunter has a chance of striking the
  mother load.  The location of a pile of trash is
  way more important than how it is explored.
  Here, the group should take lessons from
  real jackals: it’s all about smell.  If a dump-
  ster reeks like week-old Szechwan pork, it
  probably won’t have too many working VCRs
  in the mix.  Dumpsters behind restaurants
  and supermarkets will most likely be filled
  with rotten food, although some fresh and
  ready-to-eat snacks may be at the top. Toy
  store, music store, and bookstore dumpsters
  rate among the cleanest and most profitable.
  It’s amazing what people throw away.  It’s
  almost like a bunch of crack got into their
  water or something.
  For some real excitement the Inner
  Circle could explore a city dump, landfill, or
  auto graveyard.  Residential trash picking is
  also a viable alternative.  It’s always rubbish
  night somewhere nearby.  Rich neighbor-
  hoods are renown for the quality of their rub-
  bish.  Finding a family that’s moving out is
  trash jackal heaven.  Wherever they rum-
  mage, group members are bound to turn up
  some valuables in a short time.  Remember
  to cover a wide area and show no mercy, no
  pity, and no remorse when it comes to jack-
  aling through people’s trash.
  IDEA: The Inner Circle draws inspiration
  from the habits of the wild trash jackals of
  the Serengeti Plain of Africa, mimicking these
  canines’ behavior to maximize trash-finding
  efforts.  First, the group establishes a social
  hierarchy, with the alpha male/female at the
  top and everyone else in a pecking order
  below. With an eye out for predators, group
  members next hunt down trash in their terri-
  tory as a pack.  Once a suitable prey item
  (heap of trash) has been tracked and
  downed, everyone jumps in for the kill.  The
  alphas get first pick of the spoils, and any-
  thing they don’t want is passed down the
  ranks until it reaches the lowest scrub, called
  the omega male/female.  In order to quell
  tension and avoid an armed revolt, after the
  e n t i re hunt is ove r, each member gets a
  chance to trade one item for one belonging to
  a higher ranking member (whether agreed to
  or not).  The trading begins with the omegas,
  and moves up the hierarchy. The alphas are
  allowed to trade with anyone whom they
  wish.
  29. Paranormal Activity 
  C�D
  “Awaking from my sleep to a pitch-black
  room, I tried to clear the fog of the night’s
  increasingly disturbing nightmares.  Shaken, I
  knew that I was paralyzed—suffocating, face-
  down on my pillow.  A fear, unlike any other I
  had ever experienced, gripped my heart.  I felt
  the presence of the dark being next to my bed.
  The demon was waiting for me to die, and with a
  sickening awareness I knew that I was dying.  The
  life force was melting out of my body, and the
  paralysis was cementing itself to my limbs with
  every heartbeat.  I remember thinking that if I
  could only move any part of my body, even the
  smallest part, my life force could be reclaimed.  If
  not, my soul would be taken by the beast.  On the
  brink of suffocation, it was all I could do to move
  my little finger… but it was enough.  Breaking the
  bonds of that demon gave me the courage to
  devote my life to battling these ghostly appari-
  tions.  But it doesn’t end there, for when I die, I
  shall hunt down my demon enemies in the spiritu-
  al world, and destroy them, one by one.”
  Paranormal Activity sends the Inner Circle to
  investigate ghostly phenomena.
  The Inner Circle is about to leave the realm of
  books, abstract thoughts, and ideology, and jour-
  ney beyond the furthest known edges of reality to
  a place where the supernatural is natural, the
  paranormal is normal, and fiction becomes fact.
  33
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE 29-30
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE  28-29
  Disclaimer
  Do not break any laws.
  Do not enter dangerous or restricted areas.
  The Paranormal can be dangerous.
  Disclaimer:
  Do not pick up any questionable tra s h .
  Do not enter dangerous or restricted are a s .
  Always wear pro t e c t i ve gloves when handling
  t ra s h .
  
  36
  people unintentionally accumulate vast collec-
  tions of music that is never listened to and cloth-
  ing that is never worn.  When is better than right
  n ow for the group to shed someone else’s clut-
  ter?  Of course, this and most favors should be
  done in secret, to ensure a pleasant surprise.
  This is not the time to be polite, or even consid-
  e rate.  This is time to help.  If helping people
  become better re q u i res that they be a little
  i n c o n venienced, or discomforted, or even angry,
  so be it.  
  ID EA: The Inner Circle knows of a friend
  who pre m a t u rely ended a relationship some
  time back.  The group re a l i zes that this friend
  was meant to be with the other person, and
  takes the necessary steps to get them back
  t o g e t h e r.  First, group members anonymously
  send flowers and other romantic para p h e r n a l i a
  to the ex, signing the attached card, “an old
  friend.”  They then track down the old flame,
  making casual remarks about how well their
  friend is doing, and how this person “would re a l-
  ly like to see you again.”  Finally, they send let-
  ters to each, in the guise of being from the other.
  These state where the ex-lovers are to meet to
  “talk things out.”  The group sits back, and
  watches the dormant passion re k i n d l e .
  THE HAND-PICKED TABLE 29-30
  35
  Disclaimer:
  Do not tamper with or destroy the property of
  others.
  Morton’sManipulations
  1. Ho l l y wood Ha voc
  2. Symbiote s
  3. Doc u m e n t
  4. Carry a Shocking Object
  5. Critical Ac c l a i m
  6. The Whole Tr u t h
  7. The Flip Side
  8. Super Fu s i o n
  9. Ground Zero 
  10. Endangered Species
  11. Pied Piper
  12. Table Lieute n a n t
  13. The Crow of No r m a l i t y
  14. Empero r ’s Clothing
  15. So u n d t r a c k
  16. Pirates of Pl u n d e r
  17. Lucky Star
  18. Get Your Head Right
  19. Free Thinkers
  20. Orderly Co n d u c t
  21. Path of the Le f t
  22. Mitos i s
  23. Fre e b i e
  24. Stay Strapped
  25. Secret Co a l i t i o n
  26. Peep No Evil
  27. Illusions of No b i l i t y
  28. States of Being
  29. Gold Fe v e r
  30. The Windo w
  anipulations are like
  b reak-beats, 
  spin-
  ning the Quests of
  The Hand-Picked Table on their backs
  before kipping them up and onto the
  Inner Circle’s cardboard.  When com-
  bined with a Quest, they make for
  entertainment that is always interest-
  ing, outlandish, and sometimes hilar-
  ious.  Some Manipulations may
  cause people outside the InnerCircle
  to point and stare  or ask them what
  flavor crack they be smoking. These
  a re 
  only 
  assurances 
  that 
  the
  Manipulation is being done correctly.
  Other Alterations are games played
  within Morton’s Lite: 13%, creating
  l a yers of objectives as the gro u p
  completes a quest witin their Quest.
  W h a t e ver the Manipulation, the
  group can be assured that no two
  games of Morton’s Lite: 13%  are ever
  the same.
  M
  pg. 37
  pg. 37
  pg. 37
  pg. 37
  pg. 37
  pg. 38
  pg. 38
  pg. 38 
  pg. 38
  pg. 39
  pg. 39
  pg. 39
  pg. 39
  pg. 40
  pg. 40
  pg. 40
  pg. 40
  pg. 41
  pg. 41
  pg. 41
  pg. 41
  pg. 41
  pg. 42
  pg. 42
  pg. 42
  pg. 42
  pg. 43
  pg. 43
  pg. 43
  pg. 44
  
  MANIPULATIONS  5-8
  38
  MANIPULATIONS  1-5
  the Inner Circle, although they could be re l-
  a t i ves in the area, friends who happen to be
  a round, attra c t i ve strangers, etc.  In addi-
  tion, each of the six remarks should go to a
  d i f f e rent person, although multiple mem-
  bers of the group may criticize / p raise the
  same person.  These remarks may be give n
  face to face, or via the telephone.
  Comments may be as appropriate (“Hey,
  you chug those ice beers like a wild mani-
  ac!” while at a bar, for example) or as off the
  wall (“T h a t ’s a really sporty looking neck
  b race you got there,” while at a hospital, for
  another example) as the group feels.
  Idea: When interacting, certain mem-
  bers of the Inner Circle make harsh critical
  remarks constantly, while the others showe r
  people with compliments.
  6 . The Whole Tr u t h
  Soon the Inner Circle will gain the
  respect that comes with truthfulness, for
  they may never tell a lie of even the smallest
  kind.  Truth and honesty are held in highest
  re g a rds in all that they do.  Keep in mind that
  g roup members don’t necessarily have to
  a n s wer eve ry question, but if an answer is
  g i ven, it must be truthful.  If there are mem-
  bers who like to talk, then this Mutation
  a l l ows them to give their honest opinions
  about eve ryone and eve rything that they
  e n c o u n t e r.  “Those are some pretty funky
  feet you got kickin’,” or “No, I don’t think
  yo u’re looking slimmer these days with that
  loopy fat you gained” are bound to come out
  sooner or later.
  Idea: The Inner Circle acts as a sort of
  truth police, and whenever they hear a lie,
  they expose it for what it is.
  7. The Flip Side 
  The Inner Circle does the exact
  opposite of whatever Quest is ro l l e d .
  During the Winds of Change (Order of Play
  #4) the group decides exactly what this
  opposite is going to be.  How they go
  about completing this inve rted Quest may
  re q u i re a great deal of cre a t i v i t y.  Fo r
  example, if Oh! Lympics!, (pg. 153) was
  rolled, that could become U n - a t h l e t i c
  C o o p e ra t i o n . In this, the group would col-
  l a b o rate in grabbing all the munchies, pil-
  l ows, beer, and remote controls they could
  m u s t e r.  They would then settle in a dark-
  ened, phone-free area in order to attain
  the highest level of laziness.  For a differ-
  ent example, Intellectual Dual (pg. 97)
  could become A g re e , w h e re the gro u p
  attempts to find different topics that
  e ve ryone agrees upon.  Reminisce (pg.
  127) could easily become Make Pre d i c t i o n s and so
  o n .
  8. Superfusion
  Two separate Quests are rolled and
  then fused together into one Super Quest.
  That is, the Inner Circle will take elements
  f rom both Quests and formulate a new,
  hybrid, Quest which contains pro p e rt i e s
  of both parent Quests.  For example, the
  Table Master rolls Device an Invention (pg.
  20) and Martial Wa r f a re (pg. 24).  During
  the Winds of Change (Order of Play #4) the
  Inner Circle discusses how to go about
  m e rging the Quests, and finally decides
  on inventing body armor, which will used
  in the various sparring-style events of
  their Martial Wa r f a re.  The designs are
  e valuated and improved at the end of the
  Quest, having (possibly) s a ved the com-
  batants from painful blows to sensitive
  a re a s .
  With over 784 Super Quests, a lot of
  thought and creativity may be needed, as
  c e rtain Quests may not seem to merg e
  together ve ry easily.  In the end, the Super
  Quest may have little or nothing to do with
  the original Quests’ main focus.  In the
  ra re case that the same Quest is ro l l e d
  twice, this Manipulation does not apply.
  9. Ground Zero 
  The Inner Circle does their Quest
  e l s e w h e re.  If they have motorized ve h i-
  cles (such as a car, public tra n s p o rt a t i o n ,
  1. Ho l l y wood Ha voc
  Ti red of being yourself?  Try being
  someone else….  Eve ryone takes on the
  name, attitude, walk, talk, posture, and/or
  d ress of someone other than themselve s .
  Like actors, the Inner Circle adopts the
  voice, attitude, and as far as possible, the
  d ress of any persona they chose.  This could
  be a famous celebrity, TV chara c t e r, cart o o n
  or comic book chara c t e r, mythological
  being, or even a fellow group member,
  among limitless others.  They could even act
  out a role that doesn’t invo l ve a we l l - k n ow n
  p e r s o n a l i t y, but is instead more of a pro f e s-
  sion, such as a detective, monk, hippie, mad
  scientist, ninja, malevolent alien, carnivo-
  rous plant, etc.  (Note: It is strongly sug-
  gested that the Inner Circle avoid becoming
  lost in others’ personalities, as this could
  lead to expensive psychology bills, clothing
  that doesn’t fit, and made-for- TV mov i e s
  about the gro u p’s confused identities.)
  Idea: The Inner Circle chooses per-
  sonas which are all of a similar theme (an
  EMS team, a band of pirates, a Mongol
  h o rde, an assassin cult, etc.).
  2. Symbiotes 
  Together like both sides of a $50 bill,
  like Ponch and John, and like crumpets and
  tea.  Each member of the Inner Circle picks
  or is assigned a buddy to be with at all
  times.  If the Quest rolled invo l ves playing
  s p o rts, they both go to the same team.  If
  the Quest invo l ves eating, they both eat
  f rom the same plate.  If the Quest invo l ve s
  making something, they both work on it
  t o g e t h e r.  If the group is comprised of an
  odd number of people, a group of three can
  be made or there may be an odd person
  o u t — w h i c h e ver they want.
  Idea: For all interactions, the sym-
  biotes only interact with people in groups of
  two or appear to be couples.  This way, the
  Inner Circle will never need to worry about
  having anyone feel like a third (or fifth, as
  the case may be) wheel.
  3. Document 
  Historians may not remember the Inner
  C i rcle, but they will certainly re m e m b e r
  their Quest….  Here, the Inner Circle is give n
  the task of re c o rding the events of their
  Quest.  Not unlike re p o rters, one or more
  members of the group document eve ry t h i n g
  that happens.  Various methods and tools
  can be useful, such as writing, photogra p h y,
  video cameras, finger painting, tape re c o rd-
  ing, etc.
  Idea: The Inner Circle re c o rds the story
  of their Quest in the form of a song or bal-
  lad, which is sung afterwards (and perhaps
  by journeying bards for generations to
  c o m e ) .
  4. C a r ry a Shocking Object
  This doesn’t mean an object that
  can shock you, like a cattle pro d ,
  although that might work just as well.
  One member of the Inner Circle carries
  an object that has a startling effect on
  most people.
  The group member carry-
  ing it should keep the object in plain
  sight, taking care not to conceal it.
  Examples of shocking objects include
  sexual toys (inflatable dolls, dildos, and
  the like), weapons (chainsaws, butcher
  knives, etc.), alarming food (raw meat,
  big dead fish, etc.), tasteless items
  (excrement in a clear plastic bag, dead
  squirrel, graphic anti-abortion posters,
  etc.), an unconscious person (real or
  otherwise), among countless other
  options.
  Idea: At the end of the Quest, the Inner
  Circle leaves the object in some highly
  visible location, for all to enjoy.
  5. Critical Acclaim 
  H ow does one break the sometimes
  thick ice in social situations?  With upfro n t
  remarks, of course.  During the Quest, each
  member of the Inner Circle gives six compli-
  ments and/or critical remarks to six people
  they meet.  These people must be outside
  37
  
  MANIPULATIONS  14-15
  MANIPULATIONS 10-13
  39
  What could be more fun than doing
  a Quest half-naked?
  Like grandpa used
  to say: “Half the clothes, twice the fun.”
  During the Inner Circle’s Quest, group
  members will strip down to the least
  possible amount of clothes (within the
  limits of legality and comfort, of course).
  Guys should wear only boxers, briefs, or
  whatever kind of secret fetish undergar-
  ments they usually sport.
  Girls should
  go down to bra and panties. For those a
  little too uncomfortable with that, the
  option of continuing to wear socks and a
  T-shirt may offer some camouflage for
  their flabby bodies.
  Beyond this main
  option, the group may wish to simply
  change into swimwear.
  Shorts of all
  s o rts, tank tops, wife-beaters, mesh
  clothing, bikinis, and anything consid-
  ered “revealing” by high school dress
  codes is fair game. Winter weather may
  t h reaten this Mutation considera b l y,
  especially while outdoors.
  Keep the
  cold in mind, but try to get away with as
  little clothing as possible.
  Idea: The Inner Circle, being in an
  appropriately secluded area, and feeling
  very comfortable with themselves, strips
  completely naked.
  They then do their
  Quest normally, trying not to get too dis-
  tracted.
  15. So u n d t r a c k
  How could a wrestler enter the ring
  without super-hype music?
  How then,
  could the Inner Circle begin a Quest
  without some theme music of their own?
  With this Mutation, the group listens to
  music for the duration of the Quest.
  Group members should first decide how
  to play the music.
  Options range from
  p o rtable players with headphones to
  boom boxes, and car audio to comput-
  ers. Any music is good so long as it rep-
  resents some facet of what the Inner
  Circle is doing at the time.
  Extra hype
  theme music can also be played when-
  ever the group is in need of a quick fix of
  Karma, is travelling, or when otherwise
  doing anything even slightly dramatic.
  Idea: Each member of the Inner
  C i rcle establishes individual theme
  music, and plays it whenever he or she is
  speaking or acting.
  16. Pirates of Pl u n d e r
  Arr!
  There be booty abounding in
  the briny seas of this here Quest!
  During the course of the Quest the Inner
  C i rcle will take anything that is not
  nailed down. Group members may wish
  to acquire bags or backpacks to aid in
  the plunder.
  They should, howe ve r,
  take care not to lift items belonging to
  other members of the Inner Circle. This
  Mutation is not necessarily about steal-
  ing, as there are many free items lying
  about, such as phonebooks, matches,
  weekly newspapers, flyers, utensils,
  menus, or other such items. At the con-
  clusion of the Quest, the Inner Circle
  should take time to show off all the
  acquired goods.
  Idea: After the Quest, the Inner Circle
  places all the objects in a huge pile,
  divvying them up evenly and fairly
  amongst everyone present, regardless
  of who acquired what.
  17. Lucky Star
  Shining so bright, wherever you are.
  One member of the Inner Circle is ran-
  domly chosen to be the “Lucky Star.”
  This can be determined via roll-off, rock-
  paper-scissors, or any other process that
  is both random and fair. All other group
  members then treat this person as a
  super star, affording him or her every
  l u x u ry and conve n i e n c e .
  The Inner
  Circle enthusiastically pays the Lucky
  Star’s way for everything, gives that per-
  son the best seat, etc.
  Any group mem-
  ber found not treating the Lucky Star in a
  royal fashion may continue to do so, but
  loses any Degrees that would normally
  be earned for the Quest.
  The Ta b l e
  M a s t e r, as with any other situation
  requiring final judgement, settles all dis-
  40
  a powerboat, etc.), they must tra vel at
  least five miles away.  If they rely on foot-
  based or bicycle powe r, then they must
  l e a ve the general area they are curre n t l y
  at.  Good locales to think of visiting
  include a distant friend’s or family’s house
  for homebound Quests, or perhaps a
  neighboring park or city for outdoor or
  social adve n t u res.  
  10. Endangered Species 
  B e f o re the Quest is rolled, know this:
  with this Deviation, the Inner Circle has to
  do the Quest no matter what.  Rain, sleet,
  or snow—day or night—safety pre c a u-
  tions be dammed, and all icons no longer
  apply to any Quest.  If Nightscape (pg.
  2 17) is rolled in the middle of the day, or
  Solar Rise (pg. 17) at midnight, the gro u p
  no longer has the choice to avoid it; their
  fate is sealed.  Personal morals should
  also be recklessly cast aside (although
  this is only a suggestion, it should be
  taken into heavy consideration).  
  B e f o re acquiring their Quest, the
  Inner Circle will have to make another
  oath based on this new principle.  T h i s
  new oath states that they are willing to
  f o rgo any cushions, and take the Quest on
  with a hard c o re attitude, no matter what
  the restrictions.  If anyone decides they do
  not wish to make this second oath (aka
  weak-willed sponges) they should imme-
  diately stop playing M o rt o n’s List a n d
  may not play again until the next moon-
  rise.  These ex-Inner Circle members
  should be treated as people not willing to
  make an oath to the game (as described in
  the Order of Play #1); basically beat about
  the head with vegetation until they leave .
  They can not witness any further rolling or
  p a rticipate in the Quest.
  11. Pied Piper
  Like moths to a flame, so are pipes
  to a pie.
  The Inner Circle tries, during
  the Quest, to get as many people to join
  them as possible. These should be peo-
  ple who the Inner Circle runs into during
  the Quest, and not people contacted.
  Recruits should participate in the Quest,
  and are treated very much like members
  of the Inner Circle (but receiving no
  Degrees).
  Idea: The Inner Circle takes along a
  bullhorn, so as to more easily grab peo-
  ple’s attention.
  12. Table Lieutenant 
  With this Deviation, the Table Master
  uses the military approach to insure that
  e ve ryone is doing what needs to be done.
  So, for the duration of the Quest, the Ta b l e
  Master acts as an officer in the military,
  and leans more tow a rd giving orders, than
  hearing opinions.  That is not to say that
  the Table Master will treat the rest of the
  g roup like slaves—members may be
  o rd e red to do things, but only as long as it
  p e rtains to the Quest.  Good ord e r s
  include: “Let me get that front seat, I need
  to see,” or “Go check out the building, and
  see if there’s any security,” or “Give me
  that last slice of pizza, I need the energ y. ”
  Bad orders include: “Give me yo u r
  m o n e y,” “Rub my butt,” or “Hey, since
  we’re gonna be in my house for awhile,
  why don’t you wash my clothes.”  Eve n
  though these may seem like real-life mili-
  t a ry orders, they do not apply to this
  Deviation.  The Table Master (unlike a re a l
  officer) still ensures that eve ryone has as
  good time and should not overstep this
  a u t h o r i t y.
  13. Crow of Normality 
  Rolling a 13 is never a good thing, and
  h e re is no exception.  No Manipulation is
  a c q u i red.  The Inner Circle does their Quest
  n o r m a l l y.
  14. Empero r ’s Clothing
  
  MANIPULATIONS  22-36
  42
  MANIPULATIONS 17-22
  41
  H ow they decide to do this is up to them,
  as long as the two groups are re l a t i ve l y
  equal.  The subgroup without the Ta b l e
  Master then rolls off to determine the new
  Table Master for that group (Order of Play
  #2).  Groups of two (or less) do not need a
  Table Master.   
  The split causes each group to per-
  form the Quest separa t e l y.  Before begin-
  ning, the two groups determine a time and
  a location where they will meet to share
  their experiences.  Once this is estab-
  lished, both groups find separate loca-
  tions and continue their Quests, picking
  up at Winds of Change (Order of Play #4).
  Both groups keep away from each other,
  and do not discus their Quest with the
  other gro u p, until after they meet tow a rd s
  the end.  Should they both encounter each
  other during the Quest, this is fine as long
  as they don’t intera c t .
  23. Fre e b i e
  Take one.
  C’mon, it’s free.
  The
  first one’s always free.
  The Inner Circle
  decides on something to pass out to
  e ve ryone met during the Quest.
  Al l
  group members should help to pass out
  these items; but only one item needs to
  be passed out to every new person they
  see.
  Items to be distributed could be
  anything that the group has an abun-
  dance of – small candies, newspaper
  articles, photographs, quarters, or what-
  e ve r.
  A more ambitious Inner Circ l e
  could make unique free pro m o t i o n a l
  handouts, such as flyers.
  Idea: The Inner Circle hands out
  small printed flyers, each with a return
  mailing address on it.
  When/if any of
  these flyers are mailed back, the group
  mails that person a small prize.
  24. Stay Strapped
  I got your back, ‘cause you know I
  stay strapped.
  No matter what.
  All
  members of the Inner Circle grab some
  kind of weapon, which they keep acces-
  sible at all times.
  This could be some-
  thing as low-tech as a rock, small knife,
  large knife, or crossbow, a medium-tech
  atlatl, or any of the more high-tech
  “straps,” depending on legality and/or
  what the group has available to them.
  Idea: The Inner Circle pra c t i c e s
  using common household objects as
  weapons, until they are able to wield
  them with deadly proficiency. This way,
  they are never far from a pra c t i c a l
  weapon.
  25. Secret Co a l i t i o n
  We shouldn’t explain anything further
  about this Mutation. Because, of course, it’s
  a secret.
  But here it goes anyway.
  The
  Inner Circle’s Quest is now a complete secret
  to everyone outside the group.
  It is of the
  utmost importance that no one know exactly
  what the Inner Circle is doing (or why).
  While playing a board game, for example, the
  group could stay in a locked room with all the
  shades closed.
  Beyond that, if someone
  were to try to enter, group members would
  hide the board game and deny doing any-
  thing, saying only that they were, “Just chill-
  in’.”
  A Quest involving bowling could be
  made secret by the Inner Circle going to the
  weakest, most unused bowling alley in the
  area, occupying the lane furthest from any
  other bowler, and then only bowling when no
  one is looking.
  Similarly, a group clandes-
  tinely attending a movie would pick the film
  with the lowest ratings and enter after it had
  started; sneaking in, one at-a-time, and sit-
  ting low in the seats in a very empty back
  row.
  Lastly, basketball could be played on a
  vacant court, with group members assigned
  to watch for any approaching people.
  Upon
  threat of someone discovering their game of
  b-ball, all involved suddenly act like they
  were just hanging out near the court.
  No
  matter what the Quest, never admit anything.
  IDEA: The Inner Circle takes along the
  back-up activity of Hacky Sack.
  So whenev-
  er someone else might see what group mem-
  bers are up to, they can quickly switch to the
  default activity.
  Doing that, the group can
  be assured that no one will be any the wiser.
  26. Peep No Evil
  Seeing no evil makes the whole world
  blind.
  Or something like that.
  During the
  group’s Quest, one half of the Inner Circle
  crepancies.
  Idea: The person chosen to receive
  the Lucky Star treatment passes the
  privilege to another group member
  (freely, for a fee, or for some other form
  of compensation).
  18. Get Your Head Right
  It is very important for the Inner
  Circle to get into a good mind state
  before doing anything, and a Morton’s
  List Quest is no different. The group
  thinks about what will help to get them
  in a right state of mind, and does it.
  This can be any number of things, and
  with a little creativity, the Inner Circle
  will be completely “right,” and ready to
  tackle any Quest.
  Idea: The Inner Circle experiments
  with something new, that has neve r
  been used before to get group members’
  minds right.
  19. Free Thinkers 
  Instead of rolling a Quest, members
  of the Inner Circle come up with their
  own unique Quest.
  It could be any-
  thing, as long as to the best knowledge
  of everyone present it doesn’t already
  exist in Morton’s List (although it’s not
  necessary to refer to the game book to
  check). For instance, they could choose
  “go to an arcade” as long as no one was
  aware of the Quest, Arcade Action, on
  the Mortal Ties Table.
  Group members
  should be as creative as possible, com-
  ing up with an idea that all will enjoy. Of
  course, the more they know about the
  game, the more creative they’ll have to
  be.
  20. Orderly Conduct 
  No running.  That’s the salad fork, dear.
  The Inner Circle handles themselves in a
  calm, org a n i zed, and systematic fashion.
  Before the Quest begins, they go to great
  lengths to prepare for and plan their course
  of action.  Every move to be made during the
  Quest is discussed and planned out in excru-
  ciating detail.  This may involve synchroniz-
  ing watches, making maps, notarizing per-
  mission slips, and other keys to a nice and
  orderly system.  Even the simplest, most
  pointless laws are to be observed at all times
  (jaywalking, loitering, etc).  Some things
  which may help the group keep the Quest
  m o re org a n i zed include walkie-talkies, a
  local law book, a day-planner, a list of emer-
  gency phone numbers, elbow and knee pads,
  a spare tire and jack, etc.
  Idea: The Inner Circle adopts a gove r n-
  mental system of organization, such as
  d e m o c racy (all decisions being put to a vo t e ) ,
  communism (eve ryone is assigned positions
  of authority—president, tre a s u re r, chief of
  c ove rt operations, secre t a ry of censorship,
  etc.), gynarchy (all positions of authority
  being filled by females), etc.
  21. Path of the Left 
  Something wicked this way comes....
  The Inner Circle will walk the dark side, on a
  path of selfishness.  They will be rude,
  crude, and insensitive tow a rd the needs of
  others (for some, basically being them-
  s e l ves), although it may be in their best
  i n t e rest not to bother people twice their
  s i ze.  They will always give orders, never ask
  questions or give compliments, and neve r,
  e ver say thank you.  The group may eve n
  decide to act this way tow a rds each other.
  Also, whenever uncertain about a choice of
  turning right or left, the group should
  always choose left.
  Idea: Eve ryone in the Inner Circle takes
  on an alias to re p resent their new attitude
  (Blade, Sp i d e r, 2-Dog, Mr. Bones, Scorpion,
  Snake, Crazy Shitneck, Da Boss, Knuckles,
  e t c . ) .
  22. Mitosis 
  After the Quest is determined, but
  b e f o re Winds of Change (Order of Play  #4)
  the Inner Circle splits into two gro u p s .
  
  someone else.  In case of a tie, the Ta b l e
  Master decides the victor.
  Idea: In the grand Olympic tra d i t i o n ,
  the pot is divided into three awards (gold,
  s i l ve r, and bro n ze) and given to the top
  t h ree competitors.  For their $50 pot, the
  first place award could be $35, $15 for sec-
  ond place, and a smack on the ass for third .
  30. The Window 
  The Wi n d ow of opportunity is now
  open!  For this, the Table Master rolls again
  on Mort o n’s Manipulations Table.  The Inner
  C i rcle then chooses from either the
  Manipulation rolled, the one above, or the
  one below it.  For example, if  #20 we re
  rolled, Manipulation #19, #20, or #21 could
  be chosen.  The two not chosen are discard-
  ed as if never rolled.  Howe ve r, if a 13 is
  rolled or chosen, The Wi n d ow is lost and the
  Table Master would go directly to the Crow
  of Normality (pg. 39).  If The Wi n d ow is
  m i raculously rolled a second time, any
  Manipulation on this Table may be chosen.
  Keep in mind that The Wi n d ow can never be
  chosen in this way; it must be rolled.  T h u s ,
  if #29 we re rolled, only two Manipulations
  could be chosen (#28 and #29) .
  MANIPULATIONS 29-30
  44
  MANIPULATIONS 26-29
  43
  (rounded down) is blindfolded for the dura-
  tion, while the other half acts as guides. These
  guides may physically lead blinded gro u p
  members, give verbal directions, or otherwise
  instruct them, so long as they make sure that
  the blindfolds remain in place.
  Normally, one
  person is assigned to each blind person, but
  one guide may lead several people, as the
  needs of the Quest dictate.
  Solo Play Note: If only one person is play-
  ing, that person blindfolds himself or herself,
  and should find someone to help with the
  Quest.
  If the player can do it without outside
  help, then the Quest may be performed unas-
  sisted, but with extra caution.
  Idea: The Inner Circle decides that the players
  who assist are not allowed to speak.
  27. Illusions of Nobility 
  You are a king! If only a king of squirrels,
  a king no less. Too bad they can’t understand
  your commands....
  Every player is randomly
  paired off with another. These pairs then roll
  off against each other, with the winner decid-
  ing whether to go first or last. For 30 minutes,
  one person from each pair acts as the servant,
  and the other as nobility.
  The servants must
  take any orders given by their kings/queens
  unless these break one of the servant’s Moral
  Codes, are dangerous, or create a situation
  that is genuinely uncomfortable.
  At the end
  of the 30 minutes, the roles are reversed.
  This Mutation becomes void after exactly one
  hour.
  If there is an odd person out, the Table
  Master is not paired with a partner and does
  not participate in this Mutation.
  Idea: At the 30-minute switch, each ser-
  vant-king/queen pair does not switch places
  with each other. Instead, all servants become
  kings/queens and all kings/queens become
  servants, but to different Inner Circle mem-
  bers.
  28. States of Being
  You can’t blame it on a chemical imbal-
  ance. Whose chemicals are ever in the correct
  balance? The Inner Circle acts out an emotion
  or state of being during the Quest in a highly
  e x a g g e rated and dramatic way.
  Eve ryo n e
  may roll on or choose from the table below to
  acquire a different random personality trait, or
  just pick one.
  Group members should spend
  a few minutes concentrating on their emotion,
  so they can effectively role-play it to the fullest
  effect.
  Idea: The Inner Circle rolls one emotion,
  with everyone acting it out together.
  29. Gold Fever 
  I t ’s time to look out for number one.
  T h row the camaraderie (which is a big part
  of Mort o n’s List) out the window, and
  replace it with competition, as well as pos-
  sible backstabbing, cold-hearted tactics,
  b e t rayal, and shady dealings.  Instead of
  working as a team, the Inner Circle com-
  petes against one another to see who has
  the most success in accomplishing the
  Quest.  The player who wins that honor then
  gets to greedily handle the illustrious
  “g o l d . ”
  To establish this “gold,” all playe r s
  could give up an equal amount of money
  and put it into a pot.  Al t e r n a t e l y, something
  of value could be substituted for money, or
  the Table Master could use the Inner Circ l e’s
  money to buy a mystery prize for the winner,
  etc.  The winner is decided by a (possibly
  s e c ret) vote.  Eve ryone voting must vote for
  States of Being Table
  1. Afraid of everything 
  2. Mean
  3. Just plain crazy
  4. Shy 
  5. Bored 
  6. Excited 
  7. Bitchy
  8. Bi-curious 
  9. Doomed 
  10. Life of the party
  11. Too big for one’s britches
  12. Highly motivated
  13. Rotten to the core
  14. Angsty 
  15. Whiny crybaby
  16. Freaky
  17. Confused
  18. Haven’t slept in days
  19. Dumb as a board
  20. Deadly serious
  21. Completely paranoid
  22. Pessimistic
  23. Frantic and indecisive
  24. Chivalrous
  25. Sad
  26. Ravenously hungry
  27. Amnesiac 
  28. Crunked-up
  29. Smarmy
  30. One with the universe
  
  Solar Rise
  1. � Hit the Beach!
  2. � Community Recreation
  3. � Ancient Artifacts
  4. � Rally to Protest
  5. � Photo Finish
  6. � School’s in Session
  7. � Help Wanted
  8. � Sightseeing
  9. � Beast to Beauty
  10. � Impressive Structures
  11. � Water Wonderland
  12. � Volunteer
  13. � What’s Your Status?
  14. � Primal Hunt
  15. � Revitalize
  16. � Botanical Benefits
  17. � Hole in One
  18. � Slackin’
  19. � Off the Hook
  20. � Explore a Library
  21. � Beastly Exhibits
  22. � Watch Them Work
  23. � Flail and Crook
  24. � Marvelous Museums
  25. � Living History
  26. � Go Fly a Kite 
  27. � Order in the Court
  28. � Pleasure Parks
  Cosmic Law
  29. � Shoot Pool
  30. � Board Games
  31. � Big Money Big Prizes
  32. � Vittle Variety
  33. � Enforce the Law
  34. � Tap Five, Get Live
  35. � Flashback
  36. � Snake Eyes
  37. � Party Games
  38. � Backyard Games
  39. � Joystick Junky
  40. � Childhood Games
  41. � Luck of the Draw
  42. � Custom Dictionary
  43. � Strike 300
  44. � Guess & Sketch
  45. � World Board Games
  46. � The Five Senses
  47. � The Hunted Hunter
  48. � Savor the Flavor
  49. � Foreign Fun & Games
  50. � Global Grub
  51. � Roleplaying
  52. � Into the Gray Matter
  53. � Tactical Pastimes
  54. � Play on Words
  55. � Clubroom Games
  Mortal Ties
  56. � Fine Dining
  57. � Mailbox Express
  58. � Live Show
  59. � Arcade Action
  60. � Romance Connection
  61. � Cookout
  62. � People Watching
  63. � Grounds to Play
  64. � Diverse Pathways
  65. � Call the Known
  66. � Seduce a Date
  67. � Cruisin’ the Strip
  68. � Smooth Selling
  69. � Banquet
  70. � Track the Stars
  71. � People’s Voice
  72. � Cultural Exchange
  73. � Friendly Encounter
  74. � View Sports
  75. � Kickin’ It
  76. � Seeds of Passion
  77. � At the Movies
  78. � Conduct a Survey
  79. � Fast Talking
  80. � On the Move
  81. � Beware the Shopplings
  82. � Open Airwaves
  83. � Visiting Hours
  Lore Galore
  84. � Mental Olympics
  85. � Devise an Invention
  86. � Ecology on Crack
  87. � Skills for Trade
  88. � Psyche 101
  89. � Reality on Film
  90. � Game Masters 
  91. � Chemical Calamity
  92. � Whodunit?
  93. � Intellectual Duel
  94. � Pure Research
  95. � Caught in the Net
  96. � Building Things
  97. � Unexplained Entities
  98. � Trials of Trivia
  99. � Human Test Subject
  100. � The Third Eye
  101. � Puzzling, Isn’t It?
  102. � Scientific Experiment
  103. � Problem Purge
  104. � Don’t Believe the Hype
  105. � Man vs. Machine
  106. � Push the Button
  107. � Tomes of Knowledge
  108. � Gourmet a New Way
  109. � Media Blitz
  110. � Mind Bomb 77345
  111. � Buried Relics
  “I’m Neutral”
  112. � Prized Collections
  113. � Videology
  114. � Feeding Frenzy 
  115. � Story Bound
  116. � Theater of Battle
  117. � Rating Attributes
  118. � Sofa Spud
  119. � Dead Acres
  120. � Toy Box
  121. � Draft a Map
  122. � Live Action Roleplay
  123. � Archives of Life
  124. � Tables are Turned
  125. � World Records
  126. � Hobby Haven
  127. � Make Money
  128. � Nature Unbound
  129. � Reminisce
  130. � Wand of Illusion
  131. � Pick your Poison
  132. � Roaming Around
  133. � www.mortonslist.com
  134. � Play that Funky Music 
  135. � Topic Talk
  136. � Animal Kingdom
  137. � Test of Ability
  138. � Laugh and Lose
  Mountain
  139. � Bike Ride
  140. � Street Sports
  141. � Bodies in Motion
  142. � Peak Performance
  143. � Opposed Force
  144. � Radical Overdrive
  145. � Cross Training
  146. � Sink or Swim
  147. � Field Sports
  148. � Weightlifting
  149. � Skedaddle
  150. � Team Challenge
  151. � All-star Wrestling
  152. � Primitive Arms
  153. � Ariel Adrenaline
  154. � Oddball Stunts
  155. � Water and Ice
  156. � Arena Sports
  157. � Oh! Lympics!
  158. � Obstacle Course
  159. � Hone your Skills
  160. � Racquets of Fury
  161. � International Sports
  162. � Acrobatics
  163. � Neo-athletics
  164. � Outdoor Hiking
  165. � Martial Warfare
  166. � Skate or Die
  Vision Quest
  167. � Who are You?
  168. � Draw the Line
  169. � Keep your Day Job
  170. � Herb Friendly
  171. � Visuality
  172. � Staged Drama
  173. � Instrumental Music
  174. � Tranquillity
  175. � Book of Spells
  176. � Old School Wisdom
  177. � Collage of Color
  178. � We Can Dance
  179. � Creative Writing
  180. � Eye of the Needle
  181. � Photographic
  182. � Tri-dimensional Art
  183. � Naked Beauty
  184. � Spiritual Exercise
  185. � Craftastic
  186. � Artistic Brush
  187. � Hypnotic Allure
  188. � Soul Search
  189. � Cinemania
  190. � Poetic Element
  191. � Talent Show
  192. � Divination
  193. � The Child Within
  194. � Deep Topics
  Chaos
  195. � Pyrotechniques
  196. � Criminal Intent
  197. � X-rated Games
  198. � Snakin’ Cold Cash
  199. � Spread Propaganda
  200. � Go for Broke
  201. � Hard Porno Pleasures
  202. � Evade the Blockade
  203. � Murderous Battlegrounds
  204. � Web of Deceit 
  205. � Crazy Clichés
  206. � Shadow Stalkers
  207. � Snack Bandits
  208. � All that you Like
  209. � Chillinous Invasion
  210. � Demon Dialers
  211. � Buffoon Foolery
  212. � Anarchy on Wheels
  213. � What the Hell?!?!
  214. � There are No Rules
  215. � Hellified War
  216. � Drunken Free-for-all
  217. � Bustin’ Caps
  218. � Derelicts of Dialogue
  219. � Live! Nude! XXX!
  220. � Fish out of Water
  221. � Scavengers of Fortune
  Nightscape
  222. � Drive-in Movies
  223. � “Come on Over”
  224. � Stellar Concert
  225. � Spread Darkness
  226. � Bonfire
  227. � Midnight Gaming
  228. � Ninja Mission
  229. � Club Nocturnal
  230. � Coffee Café
  231. � Lights Out
  232. � Neighborhood Patrol
  233. � Day’s End
  234. � Dancing Lights
  235. � Slumber Party
  236. � Peeping Perverts
  237. � Netherworld Séance
  238. � Erotic Zones
  239. � Trash Jackals
  240. � Open 24 Hours
  241. � Naughty Nerdy Action
  242. � Celestial Night
  243. � Throw a Party
  244. � Cantina
  245. � Dream Walking
  246. � Graffiti FX
  247. � After Hours
  248. � Circle Unseen
  249. � Paranormal Activity
  Yang of the Sky
  250. � The World in Need
  251. � Gifts of Love
  252. � Nurturing Growth
  253. � Heroes of Kindness
  254. � Our Animal Friends
  255. � Fellowship for All
  256. � Beautify
  257. � Passive Strength
  258. � Lifeblood
  259. � Path to Safety
  260. � Positive Acclaim 
  261. � Receiver of Joy
  262. � Spiritual Offering
  263. � Healthy & Whole
  264. � For the Children
  265. � Spread Humor
  266. � Time Capsule
  267. � Happy Friendly Games 
  268. � Building Trust
  269. � Cleansing Fire
  270. � Final Testament
  271. � Making Amends
  272. � White Magic
  273. � Bonds of Endearment
  274. � Mother Earth
  275. � Good Samaritans
  276. � Boundless Light
  Rainbow Dragon
  277. � The Survivalist
  278. � In Perspective
  279. � Form a Club 
  280. � Night Terrors
  281. � Message to the Cosmos
  282. � Forbidden Secrets
  283. � Theology
  284. � Dear Diary
  285. � Scrapbook
  286. � Choose Wisely
  287. � Unwanted Favors
  288. � New Resolutions
  289. � Secret Society
  290. � Prophecies
  291. � Road Traveler
  292. � Family Tree
  293. � Creative Purity
  294. � Ceremonial Rites
  295. � Globe Trotting
  296. � Two Cents Worth
  297. � Famous Quotes
  298. � Face the Fear
  299. � Venting Steam
  300. � Nature Magic
  301. � Elevate Your Mindstate
  302. � Members Only
  303. � Breathing Room
  Yin of the Earth
  304. � Storm of Hate
  305. � Dark Humor
  306. � Hostile Mail
  307. � Kill or be Killed
  308. � Give Someone the Bone
  309. � Carnal Desires
  310. � The Tyrant King
  311. � Escalate Disorder
  312. � Weapons of Destruction
  313. � Circle of Assassins
  314. � Substance Abuse
  315. � Black Magic
  316. � Payback’s a Bitch
  317. � Rampage of Ruin
  318. � Vile Tempters
  319. � Betrayal
  320. � Drop the Bomb
  321. � “I’m Superior”
  322. � Infinite Evil
  323. � Blood Money
  324. � Spread Horror
  325. � Inflict the Diss
  326. � License to Kill
  327. � Forked Tongue
  328. � Fun with Death
  329. � Personal Gain
  330. � Break Moral Code
  Twilight Scroll
  331. � Alien Contact
  332. � Superhuman Power
  333. � Ark of the Covenant
  334. � World Dominance
  335. � Soul Mates
  336. � Notorious Acclaim
  337. � The Great Sphinx
  338. � The Eighth Wonder 
  339. � Dimension Flux
  340. � Meet your Maker
  341. � Lost Atlantis
  342. � Miracle Worker
  343. � The Grand 13 Theory
  344. � Shangri-La
  345. � Seek the Holy Grail
  346. � Eternal Life
  347. � Shape History
  348. � Eighteen-Buddha Attack
  349. � Crystal Skulls
  350. � Center of the Earth
  351. � Big Money Hustler
  352. � Escape the Planet
  353. � Breakthroughs in Science
  354. � Become a Ninja
  355. � Time Travel
  356. � Wish Fulfilled
  357. � Spark of Life
  358. � Guardian Shield
  359. � Enlightenment
  360. � Find MORTON
  The Complete Quests of Morton’s List
  45
  
SOURCE: textdata/thevault/Morton's List - The End of Boredom/ML - Morton's Lite.pdf