   WHAT THE HECK?!?!
  There was once an oompaloompa who disliked apples, so he began a rebellion against Willy Wonka by stealing all the chocolate and giving it to Richard Simmons who then used the WinZip™ to compress all of the chocolate and extracted it to his mother’s pantry, wherein lived happily until the giant ate the pantry! So the very disturbed oompaloompa organized an oompaloompa union and began to strike. It failed. So they went back to being professional oompaloompas again. Just then, the very hungry giant, with artillery rounds, ate them and blew up! It turned out that the giant’s mouth ended up thouroughly clean so he didn’t need to go to the dentist. But he did anyway. At the dentist’s office, a little kid was high on the gas and the kid floated up like a helium balloon and hit the fan, causing him to jam the fans motor and explode in a mass of gore and dental floss, causing the dentist to take a much-needed coffee break. The coffee then turned green and exploded into a giant ball of neutrinos. While outside on the sunny and happy green grass, an ancient celestial imperial dragon was then teleported into a SlimJim™ and ate himself because the teleporter machine was broken. Which was really handy because right at that moment, the Hatten Ar Din from the land of Skimpi Bikini Babes in Tuxedos, where they were wearing tuxedos and not bikinis because their bikinis were transparent (this forum does not support pornographic behavior or content), so basically they needed tuxedos to cover their transparent bikinis that they had on because later they would be needed for an inappropriate thread on a far inferior website called Inside Andrew Russell’s  Brain, which is such a crummy site, because when you use it in your signature it looks like it is part of the story that the idiots in the Lounge wrote. And now for something completely different, the Gamedev.net Lounge-ers went and got angry at Thanos for interrupting my joke which was as funny as a barrel full of monkeys that broke into the pub and sprouted wings like an asparagus which was pretty weird seeing that asparaguses don’t have wings or ever do sprout them, but they flew away regardless. Only this asparagus had legs as well, and was over 100 feet tall and came stomping into Jell-O in a massive publicity stunt publicizing what happens to people who try to put smut in this thread. Those people are mostly people named Thanos and amebias. Those people are censored, which works out well because a higher mind already had a thought in place. So the asparaguses lived happily ever after, and so all was happy in the happy and safe for children land because it wasn’t real! Suddenly the sky opened up and star fell to the mob of angry stars because that single star had the audacity to call itself “star” without a “the” and fell onto his head and made him an asparagus sandwich that was actually a big blue anteater chameleon thing! The big blue anteater chameleon thing then morphed into God … who then consumed a group of burly men, which made God Uber1337 God-o-da-multi-multi-verse! W007! …and gave the group of still alive burly men a potentially fatal disease. The burly men realized this and eventually got digested and died. The spirits of the burly men arose again in the form of sunflowers which were picked by small gnomes that took the sunflowers back to their hidden, underground village and began to pulverized them with their strangely strong and razor sharp pointed hats, but suddenly, the once big blue anteater chameleon thing (now God), having eaten the so-called sunflowers, started to cry. To make themselves happier, the sunflowers started hacking their way to the White House through the hyperlink! Once in, they found out that the president was really an evil communist who used Linux because that’s what all communists do. They also found secret code in Linux that lets you create a class called CDoom3 with full software for real-time shadows that is coded so well it runs even faster than hardware, but the computer crashed, so his brainless monkey suggested he check the microchips for cracks and cocaine, which the president always has on hand to deal with the fugitives. A pink starfish named Patrick remembered a time when you could buy a loaf of bread for a nickel and still wear shorts, which was necessary because otherwise your fish might just escape from the evil bogs of the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time, except for this month, because a hurricane destroyed this years crop of lives… except for one small boy called masterg, who had been hiding in a floppy disk drive. The boy called masterg then got formatted by accident, and a copy of Windows 3.1 installed. He began to act strange until Gogbob the eagle king swooped down and plucked off all the hairs of his toes. The hearty king of Happyland suddenly teleported into a spaceship in deep space which was under attack by a big blue anteater chameleon thingy… who happened to be extremely intoxicated due to the overtaking of the nefarious beer hunters. But then the big blue anteater chameleon thingy became uberpenguins with uber pecking attack! Together they revolted against Tien Long for having created them. In response, Tien Long used mind control on them and made them peaceful denizens of Happy Lalaland. All of a sudden, a swarm of evil pokemons with giant eyes that eyes that emit lethal radiation invaded the lalaland, where there was a great battle between the Capatalistic and Rich Penguins and the Evil Communist Pokemons! The pokemons, realizing themselves to be ficticious, started to dream happy thoughts. But then Michalson moderated their dreams of EVILNESS, which caused black mage to run through the streets naked singing “born free.” Then Michalson moderated black mage for his “Nudity” problem. Being the dreadful human being that black mage is, he objected to the limitations to his rights on revealing his privates in public by thaking Michalson hostage and trying to force the government to change laws. All of a sudden, the palladium agreement passed and everyone’s mp3s were deleted! Except, of course, for the one little mp3 that could; he puffed and went up Tyro’s skirt, but it turned out that Thanos had been illegally distributing acid to the little mp3s so it was hallucinating its journey up Tyro’s skirt (which wasn’t even being worn at the moment), causing masterg to be even more doubtful about the apparent situation of many of Gamedev’s users. It was in this hallucinogenic state that the little mp3 realized his one true goal… to overtake new topic theory in the stats by spreading narfism even father. But across the globe in Bangladesh, something else was happening, which nobody really cared about. The little mp3 that could soon realized that no topic would ever beat ‘Pictures of YOU!’ But because the little mp3 that could was high, he was too out of it to check the stats. Suddenly the RIAA came and revealed its true identity as being the OOMPALOOMPA FROM THE FIRST POST! He decided to bungee jump nude, with no equipment, off the Eiffel Tower! Eventually, Tien Long ate it. So the Eiffel Tower (now in Tien Long’s belly), stabbed his brain (also in his belly), causing him to have a disgusting burst in his head that propelled him to reincarnate as a big blue anteater chameleon thingy! Then Frodo came along to discuss a journey in preparation for the fight against the Fanghorn night elves. But a big blue anteater chameleon thingy took the One Ring. Then Gandalf blew big blue to bits with a spell, and in doing so, summoned an army of extremely sluggish skeleton warriors. Tien Long then figured out how to spell chameleon. Then the sluggish skeleton army, bloodthirsty as ever, caught up to Tien Long, shredding his mutilated body into thousands of pieces. At which point everyone woke up from a communal LSD trip and allowed Tien Long to reincarnate into a self-proclaimed butterfly who is really a panda bear. But as it turned out, Beer Hunter had pantented “a method of proclaiming one’s self a butterfly who is really a panda bear’ so then Beer Hunter got sued by the MPAA because they passed a new law stating that no one can patent anything that they might want to patent in the future. So they called Kevorkian’s lawyer, who said, “Go away, I’m busy fighting Windows because it keeps on refusing to obey my orders!” causing the unfortunately patented self-procalaimed butterfly to once again undergo a polymoroph into a new sun, in effect. The deadly radiation then mutated everything into grape juice, which stained Thanos’s mom’s sofa cushion, but she didn’t notice because it was flipped over upside-down, and instead saw the horrific death of a yellow snake with no ears, causing the death of another naked mole rat. Meanwhile, in a planet 5,000 light years away, a little gopher called Jimmy was picking space daisies. He picked one, but it wasn’t really a daisy. It was Bigfoot! And Bigfoot looked at Jimmy and said, “Pardon me, my team of Pacmen from the North Pole have no bears and are in serious need of cherries for our noses are burdened by the aroma of sequin-laden skunk eggs given to us by a magical gigantic piece of crap which was flushed down a giant toilet that got jammed and all of a sudden spewed a boy with a label on his font which read ‘Andy.’ Andy took lemony-fresh Dawn dish soap and made soap bubbles!” So Bigfoot’s story continued: After completing his quest to make soap bubbles, the boy began working upon resurrecting the ancient god of extreme rancidity from the age (hasn’t happened yet!) in which the reign of (our) galaxy was (is) in the hands of but four teletubbies. The soap bubbles, however, caused the boy to slip and fall on accident, but at the same set of moments think of something else completely irrelevant, allowing him to fly right into a toaster that was set on “You Know That When You Use This Mode, You’re Going To Burn The Bread” and was knocked unconscious for 4.32 days with a group of packwolves. With that, they proceeded to burn the bread until the charcoal was so thick that it spawned consciousness and left little flakes of charcoal matter which got stuck in Andrew Russell’s CPU fan, causing it to explode in a shower of fiery feathers from old farmer Brown’s prize rooster. Meanwhile, at the Akari Samba club, they were wondering exactly what an “Akari Samba club” was and why they were there. It must be because of the concussion they had while rolling their way to the Akari Samba club. In the corner, though, shrouded in the dimness of the light and lingering smoke, lurked a purple sheep – purple because of its all-too-large desire to dump soda on herself every night at 9:30. Unexpectedly, her Shepard came out of his hole just to notice that his sheep had become yummiesh purple. Having slept through the whole winter, the Shepard couldn’t help but to marinade it with cherry almondine topped with a light ddrizzle of icing and a garnish for effect. The sheep, in return for the shepard’s kindness, proceeded to marinate him with banana, fish oil and small chunks of apples. Together, they hopped on the buffet stand and pretended they were dessert dishes. At which point Richard Simons made another appearance and killed everyone and was the last man on earth. And all the kids in the next generation picked on each other for having Richard Simons as their father, even though he was their father, too. But that didn’t matter, because it all turned out to be a dread. No! No! No! No! Richard Simmons’ gay lover woke up that morning drowsy and looked in the mirror, and found that he had turned into santa! And he put on some music (Rammstein, to be exact), which santa gave him, because in some realities, santa is really a long-lasting dissembler, who forced snow elves to use their foot oil to slowly poison and eventually kill nearly all who received his presents. Suddenly, Santa, all his elves, and anything to do with him was nuked, and we ended up on the Jerry Springer show! While on the show, Santa learned that Mrs. Clause had been having an affair with the head elf, named Michalson… and Michael Jackson! Apparently he didn’t only get a nose job… You’d be surprised how well the jolly old elf could use his milk and cookie weight to be quite a match for even Jerry’s biggest security officer! It looked as though Santa was going to overpower the crowd, until Geraldo showed up and challenged Springer to a mud wrestling match. The match finally ended in the coming of a rainbow for both Geraldo and Springer. Together, they floated away merrily, knowing that thye would never have to work on the Jerry Springer Show; howver, this suddenly changed when Rudolf pulled out a RPG and tried to shoot them as they were floating away… Then Michalson closed the topic. However, this suddenly changed when a man named John the Acorn Man arrived replacing their bodies with acorns, fooling the Blue Fish of Norway’s gatekeepers into allowing them eternal life. Then everybody got killed by goims! Then Elvies took two pounds of corn beef, a sponge and three cans of dinky hot dogs and created a weapon so fierce and powerful, it would haunt generations to come… that is, until a monkey whizzed in his eyes! Then Elvis decided to train for 56.642 years as a necromancer, as to resurrect the sunflower whose name is no longer known to anyone from our generation. After having wasted his entire life for the once-beloved sunflower, he died leaving all of his no longer existing treasures to the sunflower, who having no money and remembering very little decided it would be a good time to bake a cake. And back to him and the monkey – which divided into two: one half became a Tribble, and the other a GRUE. They continued to subdivide until they were commonly called nodes. They they all joined hands and skipped along together searching for a parse routine. These nodes linked together to create a creature of much power: a TREE that was promptly chopped down by a passing two-headed beaver that had a recursive personality, a small toothbrush, a bag full of pencil shavings, and a coupon for $10 off at the tanning salon. The beaver had a slap up meal of pencil shavings for lunch followed by a quick tan at the salon, and due to his recursive personality, he returned to the beginning after finishing. This thoroughly mind-mashed his other beaver friends which then, due to the current recession, had to sell their dams and move elsewhere which just so happened to be the outer suburbs of Wet Beaver Creek located in the bushy region of the Golden Valley, but then they were killed by weasels armed with hardened CD cases and wearing bear skin thongs. But quite surprisingly, the weasels were led by weaselmongler, who led the beavers on a march over the county giving lollipops to children as they went. But one child, which shall be named Meo_Manarchist for legal reasons, whipped out his army… his infallible army of Diablo 2 Cds which proceeded to let out another army of bugs which caused the weasels to crash and die and writhe around in agony as the CDs shone particularly bright lights into Mongler’s eyes, which was a good idea at the time, but the Jolly Green Giant was having none of it and threw a big bag of peas at Meo_Manarchist, causing a minor skin irritation and an ingrown hair. The next day the Meo_Manarchist went down to the laser ssurgery to get th ingrown hair removed, but on the way there he saw the forgotten sunflower of death and (now) of the dreaded phone solicitors. The sunflower with its dancing moves rivaling those of anyone, continued to do a jig down the pavement until someone yelled out, “The !@#$%#@! Sunflower at my willy! Make him give it back or I’ll call Bill Gates and tell him that he’s gay!” But anyways, the dreaded phone solicitors attacked the sunflower like a pack of ravenous wolves asking if it wanted to buy several Smart Cards, because they had just received a batch of new flavors. So the sunflower got so made that she decided to raise Elvis from his grave… but she got tired and decided to knock over a casino. This casino was 4 stories tall and fell on the phone solicitors. Hundreds of spectators cheered in delgith but just then the building began to shake and for four minutes it continued to vibrated until it erupted in a similar fashion to what certain animals do. The spectators watched this and gasped in delight, thanking God for the sudden downpour of rain as the exploding building inexplicably morphed into several raindrops. After witnessing this event, the spectators went home and watched “I Love Lucy” and munched on cottage cheese until midnight. The following morning, the UPS man brought them all a big box of tiny wooden chess pieces then out of nowhere, the two-headed beaver materialized and grabbed the box of chess pieces. He then proceeded to the shoe store where he met Lohrno! Lohrno was a bit perturbed at seeing a two-headed beaver with a box of chess pieces in a shoe store, but had a very long, deep, and fulfilling conversation about the composition of trees. Meanwhile, Kirsten Dunst stepped out of the shower and slapped everyone for looking at her ‘like that’. Once she realized she wasn’t wearing any shoes, she quickly hurried to the shoe store where the two-headed beaver had materialized. The beaver proclaimend, “These shoes smell like Raspberry Pudding, my twin brother!” He recognized the smell of his brother’s feet from MILES away! He never really figured out why his parents named his brother Raspberry Pudding, but he had a theory that long ago… There once lived a very big pudding that was made of unidentifiable little purple bumpies, which was so delicious that the pudding had to run from maniacs who kept trying to bite him for all his life, until he joined the Irkin Elite right after turning off his sig. Shortly thereafter, the Big Pudding’s commanding officer shouted, “Jumpin’ Jesus! Hand me the jump leads, the chickens have escaped!” while he reached for his Rooster 9000 with patented Chicken Snatching Technology, but what he found was actually a Rooster 8500 of Darkness with -2 to catching hens and -10 to catching roosters. Then, the very big pudding, realizing that his Rooster 8500 was completely worthless, jumped on the back of a newborn beaver and proceeded to round up all of the roosters. Thusly, the beaver was named Raspberry Pudding. But sadly, that wasn’t the end of the story. The Raspberry pudding got bad gas and died! They were sinking into the pudding when black_mage_s let loose his Mexican wrestler. But the Mexican wrestler went insane and punched everyone to a bloody pulp. Right before the lynch mob got black_mage_s and took him to the Democratic National Convention on the moon, nothing happened. So, he was tried and whipped until his balls dropped, resulting in the piercing of the moon’s surface, and a reaction with the moon’s core, causing a meltdown of the Universe, for which the newly renamed black_mage_dumbass was blamed, meaning God had to reboot the universe, as for the first time ever, some idiot had crashed it, and then God decided to create a new uncrashable system called “Windows,” which subsequently crashed. So on the second day, he invented Unix, which worked until black_mage_s once again brought out the Mexican wrestler – but the wrestler was too powerful for black_mage_s, and he died a sad and lonely death. After the death of black_mage_s, the Mexican wrestler became more powerful and went to destroy Gamedev, but then as everything began to look bleak and all hope was lost, the humble members of Gamedev looked towards the sky and shouted, “It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…” It was Myopic Rhino! The Mexican wrestler shouted, “Bring it on, Rhino!” Rhino, after deciding to put on a shirt (a truly rare happening), morped into a whale that subsequently commited suicide. Thereafter, he reincarnated into a still male rhino, and used his non-human physical fortunes and charged into Lilwonder’s bedroom, stealing various garments. He powered up his laptop and DJ Mix Pro 3.0 and created a wicked cross-faded, k-rad, ultra-cool audio mix that made the Mexican wrestler start dancing. However, his butt-shaking caused some people to get sick. The Mexican wrestler laughed. Then fire rained down from the heavens in the form of Windows install CDs. Then Myopic Rhino activated a time warp and everyone got stuck using Windows 1.0, and everyone ahh’ed with relief to have Windows running at a decent speed for a change. Then a bunch of Linux freaks came in ranting about the evils of Microsoft and that a Depends underwear truck and been ambushed by a bunch of rampant old people, who not soon after incited a large riot causing explosions, lots of explosions, that blew the truck driver’s ass off. The underwears were sick of doing Object-Oriented Design assignments, so they logged onto the GDNet Lounge and trolled. When the people of Tiberia heard about this, they felt like hitting their monsters because they are the usual trolls and did not like being substituted with cheap, Chinese-manufactured coat hangers. In revenge, they sent out missionaries to the four corners of the world, who’s primary goal was to bite off people’s little toes, but the disturbance that caused in the cold mountains of Alaska determined that the universe was made entirely of four elements: rock, fire, wind, and water. Then the mountain got very angry and started to write an essay in binary about Disney Land, but it got frustrated after the first sentence so it called up nes8bit and asked him out on a date. Nessy agreed, but chickened out at the last moment, sending a robot likeness in his place. In its anger, the mountain threw its beer all over the nes8bit robot, causing it to overload and crap post on Gamedev resulting in a nuclear war that, for performing such a hideous act of betrayal by bringing black_mage_s back from the dead, evil sausage was tied to a concrete slab by the still-rampaging nessy robot-doulbe and every inch of skin was whipped from his body using scented bootlaces. His magled, raw, still-writhing body was dumped into the sea. Unfortunately, so much toxic waste had previsously been dumped into the sea by Charles Montgomery Burns that the evil sausage morphed into a gigantic, glowing, green, mecha-sausage and killed black_mage_s to make up for his deeds. It then used a mail-fraud scam to collect enough money to pay for an operation to change him back to his normal self. Then he completely messed up the story, and that’s why he’s the black_mage_dumbass! Meanwhile, at the ranch, mutated monkey-cows were throwing their own poop at Saddam Hussein’s second cousin twice removed, who is also called Mike Tyson. Then Julia was sipping her tea in a dainty glass cup. The cup was made of porcelain and was finely crafted in France. She would never buy from China since she didn’t support the human rights abuses from the Chinese government. Then an alien species invaded and killed Julia. The aliens also destroyed earth, but then the movie was over! Once the movie had completed its dull mission of playing, it proceeded to terrorize Gamdev.net with various shilber-related images, declaring retribution against the holy empire. Then Dave remembered that he had to return the movie to Blockbuster, but not long after, George Clooney showed up, dragging behind him several tons of Iraqi bullion, Ice Cube, and mecha-Streisand. They explained that they were on a quest to find pants for their pet fish – a terrifying monstrous creature who emerged from the abyss a few years ago and excelled at “UNIX systems programming 2” assignments. The creature tried to kill everybody who didn’t like UNIX, except for the employees of sea life protecting companies and pelican owners, because George told him so, not because it would make him unpopular and besides, he quite liked fish. And dolphins. Mmmm. Tuna! Anyhow, suddenly there was a great shortage in the neutrino tacchion emission field on the starboard bow, cause by a giant monkey who tricked its way past and decided to take his fat red trout and use it to block the evil new film starring Madonna and her maiden Giava, the female (yet occasionally male) earthworm, who previously (before her current reincarnation), raised horses. But alas, the red trout turned out to actually be a beautiful princess of Galapazoo with incredibly eloquent blue skin tones. Unfortunately, her blue skin peeled off to reveal that she was actually a little male alien trying to take over the world by the means of McDonalds and Cat-5 cables. By using McDonalds and RJ45 cables, he was able to quickly asphyxiate himself, for he realized he had ruined a certain GDNet member’s dream! However, in place of him, an amazon warrior princess, often referred to as Zee arrived with a small, brown box. And they all lived happily ever after. That is, until evil mutant supermonkeys attacked George Bush’s stoned daughters, who then went out to get a real education, but were turned into toadstools by a wizard who made toadstool soup and fed it to the disgruntled moderator Mikhail the Communist, who contracted Joe “slippery” Vasolino to finish this extremely long sentence; however, he failed and the disobedient sentence continued to grow and started to threaten the fate of the Gamedev for a with cheese! But not just any cheese, oh no, for this cheese was part of a ham and cheese sandwich that would soon save the world from yet another ham and cheese sandwich that was a ham and cheese sandwich of ultimate evil and pie, and was sick of reading crap threads and had decided to destroy Earth. The Earth survived the horrendous attack of the ham and cheese sandwich, thanks to the other ham and cheese sandwich, but it was unfortunately rendered uninhabitable to all life forms. The few human survivors escaped to discover that they were actually ghosts which then spoiled the plotline to Final Fantasy for everybody, regardless of whether or not they even cared about FF (which few people do). The ghosts went to live on the good ham and cheese sandwich, where they built a huge phallic edifice to symbolize the “Greatness” of their Gods, and to humble Sexual Innuendo, to which befitted Dwarfsoft upon them. Dwarfsoft, as everyone knows, is the god of large phallic embellishments, but someone else has a more intriguing situation, like Donald Duck! The Duck just bought a Big Mac which he sat on and waited for it to hatch. Just then, Michalson walked by, saying, “w00t! This is a thread I gotta participate in, else my penis might fall off, and then Felisandra will stop coming over, which would be terrible!” Anyways, the Big Mac that Donald Duc was sitting on finally (and quite inexplicably) hatched to reveal a chicken head that belonged to a dwarf called Gimli, who was no relation to dwarfsoft. Gimli saw the head and started screaming obscenities at his beard. A very hairy beard smeared with gasoline for some eccentric astrophysical purposes. But Beard didn’t respond since it was completely embarrassed by such shocking manners. Instead, it tried to strangle Gimli, who, in an attempt to avoid getting killed, accidentally cut Donald’s head off with his axe of slaying +NAN. Of course, this caused a critical fumble – for four rolls on the major blunder table, and three rolls on the minor blunder table… So, here’s what happened: the axe threw itself in the air, landed on Gimli’s beard, nearly cutting it off. This forced Gimli to commit suicide by throwing himself off a cliff where thousands of ducks were waiting to give him a ducky hug, and persuade him to join them in a sinister plan to assassinate the good ham and cheese sandwich. However, the good ham and cheese sandwich had been listening to the conversation, and decided to strike first by throwing Gimli in a blender along with a phonebook and a chainsaw! It hit the duck leader with a nasty growth on his forehead the size of Rosie O’Donnel and bore an astonishing resemblance to Pipo De Clown’s mamma, who also had a growth on her forehead. When the duck leader regained his consciousness, he realized that programmers mention suicide quite often, so he glanced over his shoulder, and – WHAT THE HECK!!! – A giant yellow-bellied speckled three-toed sapsucker, busy sucking on sap from Rosie O’Donnell’s oversized gut, ordered a Big Mac, large fries, and a Coke. This surprised the attendant at the drive through, who had never seen an oversized gut talking, let alone trying to place an order. In his state of shock, all he could say was, “BlahBlahBlahBlahweeeeee…” He then fainted, leaving the oversized gut to pull out a gun and hijack the McDonalds, which was right at the time where the supervisor was coming to assist. The oversized gut was then faced with a difficult decision, to be or not to be? Deciding not to be, the gut then vanished into the void, a victim of his own disbelief in himself, leaving behind only a single proton, for the gut had been maintaining most of the universe. Then God once again had to rebuild the universe, so He realized He didn’t exist, and went back to the single photon. When he was this single photon, he realized that this thread could beat that godawful Stick Soldier thread, so he made a phone call to Haagen Dazs, the ice cream shop next door to the McDonals, to see if he could get enough ice cream to completely bury the Stick Soldiers thread. Of course, the Haagen Dazs ice cream was far too expensive, so the photon looked for another way to get the Stick Soldiers thread. TO get the job done, he hired iNsAnItY, who then threatened the photon into turning the universe into a giant flame war unless he got laid! Knowing that he would never get laid, and that the Stick Soldiers thread was threatening to take over the universe, he decided to eat more dairy products that made him very cow-like. Fewer days later, he fell in love with a charm quark, who actually is the leader of the Stick Soldier thread. The charm quark decided to end it all along with the Stick Soldier thread, but just as it was about to destroy the thread, the single electron came into existence, screaming, “Where did I leave my cell phone?!” Time passed, and the electron found his cell phone, and decided to join another atom, making it into an isotop. Since there was a helium and carbon atom to choose from, he chose the helium atom, which was attached to a neon atom, forming NeHe! Rosie O’Donnell, knowing that she was no match for the NeHe molecule, began eating huge quantities of the hamburgers that the gut had finally ordered for her, and Pepsi. But, since she didn’t like Pepsi, she threw it away and ordered a mountain of candies. Then God noticed the NeHe atom and realized that the universe had been hacked. The things were getting worse with every second. Huge crowds of turkey-geologists were eating glue, billions of canaries were drinking insulin, and the whole universe was filled with the sound of fanfares. God decided to not give a fuck, relax, and watch his favorite tv show, which wasn’t currently playing on TV then. He got pissed, decided to destroy the universe, and recreated it at the exact moment in time his favorite show was on TV. However, that didn’t solve the problem. Somebody still was hacking the universe because soon after it was recreated in a giant cloud of screwy fish-rats and salmon-whales armed with harpoons. The cloud came out of nowhere, smashed God’s TV and threw God in a barrel of cleanser. God called tech support angels, who restarted the universe, but accidentally disabled the Universe Rendering Engine and everything turned to black. Then a little child’s voice whispered in the darkness, “I will restore the universe if you give me your candy mountain.” So God had to choose between sitting the next 10 billion years in absolute darkness, or publicly revealing his candy addiction. But there was also a third choice – the ducks! Of course, none appealed to God, so he decided to go around zapping lighting into his own farts and generally showing off to the peoples of the dark universe with his massive explosions. It was all fun and games until he was sued by that blood Scottish actor, who was injured when one of God’s fireworks caused Sean Connery to begin lishping irrevershably, though people sheemed to thing it was damn shexhy, leading him to pershue hish career in crap posting on everybody’s favorite message board. “The Demented Sheep Rides Again!” – the home of political intrigue, controversy, and farming tips. But our Scotsman wasn’t too happy with this, so he explained that crap posting is not necessarily a bad thing, but trolling is! Then he proceeded to jump to a totally different scene for no apparent reason, where Grover and Elmo were busy plotting how the entire cast of Sesame Street was going to take over the world, except for Bert and Ernie, who were busy in the back room. They were using crayons to crack CBS network and put El Chavito all over the grid, but they realized they need felt-tip pens. Once they had bought the pen, the Scotsman went out and rented Othello so that he might watch it and write an essay on it for his English class. But before he could start writing his essay, a giant frozen spear of urine flew through the roof of his house and killed him. After that, Burt and Ernie got really bored and decided to go into the neighbor’s backyard and smoke cigarettes, because they have been proven to be healthy! Then Big Bird (the neighbor) stormed out with his trusty AK-47 and started bashing it on the ground because he had forgotten to buy bullets. Little did he know, he long-time rival Barney was eating corn chips that belonged to Homer Simpson, who was really pissed off that someone was eating his chips, so he turned and spat at Bart for not letting him lay a finger on his butterfinger. But at that very moment, God was trying to create people that could post imaginative replies by using neutrino particles shooting out of the sun. Afterwards, the purple monkey dishwasher ran out to enslave the Mexican wrestler because he had made fun of him for being purple in his tongue, which he used to lick his eyeballs. Suddenly, a big, flying, orange-colored, enchanted monkey began licking everyone around him in order to give them his deadly rash. The enchanted monkey put to good use his charming abilities, and sought a user of Gamedev.net known by the handle “evil sausage.” Before the monkey got to him, evil sausage put on his trusty enchanted monkey repellant on, and it worked – so the monkey went after masterg. Masterg was instantly killed by the deadly lick. Then the monkey went after his next target, who went by the handle of “Anonymous Poster.” However, AP had a trick up his sleeve that allowed him to pick his nose without using his fingers. He wanted to try the new trick, bu suddenly, he danced like the girl in the MP3 DANCE ad on the top right corner of Gamedev.net, and his nipples exploded with delight. At that moment, Bill Gates realized why he sucked! And that reason is because his operating systems blow. There was much rejoicing from all Linux users when he announced this over national television. But little did the Linux users know, Bill was developing a super OS. However, his plan went horribly wrong when his hard drive crashed, losing all the source files he was working on, sending the oompaloompa army into war mode under the command of the unnecessarily violent King Oompaloompa, George Bush. This forced Canada’s hand in dealing with the situation. They responded by cutting down lots of trees and planting the new trees there to follow some obscure Canadian law, and then out of the blue, Zeraan’s mom showed up! And she was like, “Freeze bitch! Gimme your purse or I’ll pop a cap in yo ass!” Then they realized what HunterTKilla just said made no sense whatsoever. By that time, Zeraan’s mom was pretty angry and she began randomly shooting every person she saw in the ass, which hurt quite a lot. When they sat down, they thought better of it. To help, they got some beanbag chairs, which were sent overnight from Xen, with compliments of Gordon Freeman, and a singing trio of evil thermostats. The accident with the ass-shooting mom caused the mindless overproduction of creamy sofas and convex beds. As a result, prices on mycelia dropped and the chairman of the mycelia trade federation outlawed the production of banjos because, as everybody knows, banjos are the instruments of the devil after he fell in love with their twanging chords while on holiday to Idaho where he went to college and celebrated his lunch in the spring’s Sabbath, where people were dancing naked by the fire of used diapers. Then he realized it was time for his daily lobotomy, so he went to the surgeon’s office. Since the surgeon wasn’t there, the devil decided to do it himself. After the operation, he thought he was a person who wasn’t evil sausage, named Mr. Big Fat Hairy Animal, who had a slight overbite and a rectal dysfunction. But that was just fine by him, because he could burp the alphabet backwards while riding a unicycle with clown shoes on, and thus, that is quite impressive. But he was not impressed enough, so he killed himself by sticking a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger with his tongue and shot his feet, which didn’t hurt him because he is one of the T1000 model Terminators made solely of liquid metal. Now he decided to transform into an autonomic, self-propelled shredder “Inferno 40000” with quartz blades and increased rotation speed. The transformation failed somewhat, because he became scrap metal. But that wasn’t too bad, because in the land of Tiberia, you can change scrap metal, a sword, water, and fire into a jagged sword! Or, you could just ask pouya to give you a railgun and to eat steaming charcoal, which is good for kims, but bad for nonnus’ hemmorroids. That’s okay, because nonnus had an appointment with Superman! Superman planned to jump while holding cream and cheese from 68 BCE that held the secret of the philosopher’s stone, which will enlighten any man to the mysteries of women. However, it would never explain to the men the nature of the morning glory. The space robots came down and enlightened everyone of the terrible secret of space monkey butt love. However, this wasn’t a subject that people wanted to discuss in great (or, for that matter, ANY) detail, so the topic quickly changed to how to make a small child look like a deer using some coral, some brown paint, and two common wood screws – which led to chaos, as nobody likes deer, but everyone likes to hunt deer, and the mothers of the children were absolutely delighted that this long senseless thread had finally grown old and nobody was really interested anymore. The children of the deer hunters cheered with joy! (NOT) The EndBUT THEN, the great omnipotent ONE appeared, and decided that it wasn’t THE END. He would not let a thread die just because its petty rivals could not defeat it. So then he gave up and the thread passed from memory and into legend. The story was sometimes used to scare child when they were dressed as deer. However, after some time, the thread passed from legend back into memory, through some very strange process, and proceeded to frolic around in its birthday suit… until the IRS came and yelled at them for bypassing the tax of living out of boxes, which really made the wolves made because they don’t like eating cardboard paper, but they do like game development, as there is nothing better than a kick in the nuts, because having no nuts would mean you wouldn’t have to scratch ‘em so frequently, which is convenient, especially when moisture begins to collect around the external sac of skin enclosing the testes in most mammals. …which is why she thought no woman during the duration of this universe’s lifetime would say, “Gosh, what an attractive scrotum you have!” But she was proved wrong when it suddenly exploded due to an exceedingly good orgasm, which the beautiful Miss Universe, who happened to like the appearance of scrotums, had performed on an unsuspecting male. The blown scrotum revealed a hole in space and time, which began to suck in all that surrounded it, including the world and eventually the Milky Way. God was not pleased with Miss Universe, so he sent her to a place where only fat chicks were thought to be beautiful, and she quickly got fat because she was not popular enough to be different. This messed up her mind because the fat was quickly clogging her brain. So the next day, Fat Albert was hanging out with Bill Cosby at the KFC where they had met Colin Mockery, Ryan styles, Wayne Brady, and Drew Carey. They were standing in line for the “Apples vs. Tomatoes” Arena Tournament, which turned out to be laggy due to buddy DX9 implementations because Microsoft was too busy suppressing OpenGL instead of focusing on their DX9 implementation. In response to this, Fat Albert said, “Hey hey hey!” and proceeded to kill Richard Simmons. Some people on the Gamedev.net fora were wondering, “Who the hell is Richard Simmons (although his name does sound familiar).” And the story wasn’t getting any farther because of it, so they decided to look it up on google.com, and discovered that Richard Simmons must be some weird guy who likes exercise, and in Shadowcore’s opinion, it wasn’t a great loss for the world when he died. So, nobody was unhappy with his death except Barney, who danced in the street until it rained and gave him the opportunity to sing “Singing in the Rain.” At that point, the undead rose, and much fun was had with shotguns, blasting bits off zombies, until the flight ends. “Please fasten your seatbelts and enjoy the flight into HELL where Satan will be hopping on top of your head while chanting ‘You need M&Ms! You need M&Ms!’ and then says, ‘Hello, my name is Bill Gates!’” But nobody was surprised, because everybody who runs Windows goes to hell, but since practically everybody went to hell that way, hell was transformed into a luxurious resort, but with some of the Windows bugs, so once in a while, Hell freezes over due to a stack error at a certain memory address, where somehow a pointer to something called “Bill Gates” is located at 0x7C00. Anyways, this was all grand and good until the Grand Poohbah himself drove up in his 1950 Cadillac (which was eating gasoline at a huge rate) with humbuckers at the gear, which are used to get that rich, crunchy sound you get while driving all over the cty, but when the car broke down in the bad part of town, it made a loud sound. The sound woke up an angry hobo who smelled like Richard Simmon’s ass-crack after a workout. The hobo then decided to cry because of the smell until Mr. Clean came along and said, “…>> Page 26[Edited by - Avatar God on December 1, 2005 1:47:48 PM]
Quote:I haven't read ANY of the rest of the thread. Someone should compile it into one long story.For those, who don't know: WHAT THE HECK?!?!, based off of An epic story....//edit... ^^ This was added after loading_bitmap's post [grin].[Edited by - Avatar God on December 4, 2005 12:40:12 AM];  O_oWhy...? You appear to have formed words and complete sentences that make sense gramatically. Bored? If anyone actually reads all that I'll be impressed. Or disturbed, rather.   ;  One day Avatar God revived one of the best threads evar...   ;Actually, it was difficult to make some of the sentences make sense grammatically... some people really screwed up the posting in that thread...Anyways, I'm only to page 20 25 now, still have more to do [grin]....which was all fun and games until his wrists rebelled at typing forty-four pages of crap posting. Nevertheless...[Edited by - Avatar God on December 1, 2005 1:42:18 PM];  What an incredibly annoying post.John B   ;  I don't know wether I should be impressed Avatar God, or calling your parents [wink]   ;  Sheesh, I'm done with exams. Well, I have one left... but besides that [grin].   