   Somebody help...somebody listen
  I am seriously a fool.  And a pitiful wreck.I am in love with my girlfriend.No, that''s not the problem.I have been in what I thought was love before, but it was only obsession, infatuation.  I guess I should start by telling some back story.About three years ago, I met someone who I thought was the most wonderful person in the world.  We dated for almost a year.  (362 days 16 hours and 42 minutes).  But the relationship was over much before that.  It was four months before I even kissed her.  Things snowballed from there, and we were fucking (or whatever euphamism you''d prefer) almost every day.  She told me she loved me and wanted to be with me always.  I thought I felt the same way.  She said I was the most important person to the world.  My obsession grew.  My life revolved around her.Brian was a good friend of mine.  I liked the guy.  Apparently she did too.  But she probably didn''t do anything with him.  It was probably out of insecurity that I was incredibly territorial and protective of her.  I couldn''t stand the fact that she hung out with him.  All she ever talked about was him and how great a guy he was.  I grew more and more suspicious, more and more insecure.  I needed her though, so I didn''t say anything.  She eventually left me, and ended up dating (and fucking) a girl named Lisa.  But it didn''t hurt as much as thinking of her and Brian.Cut to a few months ago.Cut to me falling completely in love with a girl (not obsessed...totally different than the first time).Cut to me getting insecure again.She has a friend, who is also my friend.  His name is Jesse.  But that''s not important.  The main issue is that Jesse is a very ''hands on'' guy.  Everything he does with her, all of their conversations, everything, I feel as though he''s flirting.  Or trying to take her from me.  And I feel like she is falling out of love with me (if she was ever really in love).  Today we talked and I told her how I felt, sort of.  I told her how a friend of mine had been the end of an almost year-long relationship, and consequently the cause of a lot of pain.  She said not to worry.  She said - this is a quote - "Do I have to rip my heart out of my chest and give it to you?!"  She said I was making her cry.  That is the last thing I want.The more I talked the more I began to feel as though she was caring less and less.  Her tone was apathetic, and almost cheerful.  She began to do other things.  She was playing video games with Jesse while I was dumping my heart (or trying to at least) right out in front of her.  She told me I had nothing to worry about, and that she had done all she could to make me see it.  I agreed.  I can''t help but feel as though she is falling out of love with me.  Like she is stopping loving me.  She said she had to go eat.  That was an hour ago almost.  She promised to call me back.  Now I wait.  I don''t mind that she hangs out with other guys (I would be a real asshole if I did).  But add that to my insecurity and fear of being hurt, and add the way I am interpreting her tone.  I am so afraid.I asked God why He would do such a thing to me.  Why he would give me the greatest thing in the world, and then take it away.  And when I had healed and moved on, why he would give me something even greater, but then plague me with fear and with insecurity and with everything that will ruin this great blessing he''s given me.  I asked him just a little while ago to help guide me, help me make the right decisions.  To help me help myself be happy.  Now I wait.I feel as though I could die.  I feel so afraid.  What if she doesn''t love me anymore?  She wants me to trust her when she says she loves me and I make her happy and that she is completely devoted to me.  She wants me to believe her.  I do, on a liminal level, but subconsciously I can''t help but be afraid.  I can''t help but fear I have stopped making her happy.  I need consolation.  I need comfort.  I need warmth.  Most of all, I need her.  Without her the world is dead.  Life will wither around me.   
  ...is there any particular reason for posting here, though? Are you looking for advice, or sympathy, or just plain ranting? Don''t mean to be insensitive, but this is the GDNet Lounge, not exactly the deepest of places... ;  I realize that.  I am mainly ranting.  If you want to flame, fine, I don''t care.  If you have advice, that''s fine, post it.  If you want to offer sympathy, go ahead.  Just posting this, getting it out to the world, has made me feel so much better.  I will delete this after today because I needed it.  After today it will all be settled, so there will be no reason for this post to exist any longer. ;  Let''s sum up. You were in a wonderful relationship, and then became unaccountably jealous of one of your friends, which strained your relationship more and more, until it ended. Despite the fact that you''re separated, and despite the fact that fate has shown you, every possible way it can, that your girlfriend was NOT interested in this Brian guy, you STILL are jealous of him.Now you''re in another, potentially wonderful relationship. And you''re once again jealous because she''s mentioning some guy that isn''t you, and it''s all starting to look like a rerun. Hmm. I think I''ve seen this episode before.Okay, a few relationship bitchslaps:1. If your girlfriend is screwing someone behind your back, she''s not going to be constantly talking to you about how wonderful he is.2. If your girlfriend says she''s not screwing someone behind your back, and the only reason you have to think she''s lying is that you''re insecure and that she talks about him a lot, you''re most likely wrong.3. You''re currently in the process of jamming your thumb on the eject button of the jet that is your relationship, trying to get OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT before she can hurt you, because you don''t trust her not to.4. You have serious trust issues that you need to work on. That''s you-singular, not you-plural, although your current girlfriend may be able to help you work through them. "Sneftel is correct, if rather vulgar." --Flarelocke ;  Wow.  I wasn''t expecting any help, but Sneftel...that was real helpful.  That is among the best advice I have ever received.  Thank you.  I want to trust her, but I am so afraid of being hurt.  I want to feel needed by her, but her tone lately has made me feel quite contrary to that.  Thank you Sneftel. ;  What''s your relation to Jesse? ;  An bit more than an acquaintance, but less than a ''friend''. ;  Dependence is a huge turn-off for women.  If you''re really /that/ worried that some guy-friend of hers is stealing her and you''ll lose her and she doesn''t love you and this and that and everything.You qualify as insecure and dependant, and I hate to be honest, but it''s the plain truth that you will lose her.  The one thing you /have/ to learn at some point in your life, usually after a major breakup for not fixing the above flaws, is that the one thing that you have to be able to do in the world of love and relationships is look out for /yourself/ first of all, and trust in yourself just as much.Pick yourself up, learn that YOU come first and anybody hurtnig you in any way isn''t worth it, and you''ll eventually meet someone just fine.  If you continue to be the type who can''t stand a girlfriend hanging out with other guys, even if those guys are very touchy-feely, you''ll end up losing every girl to rampant jealousy and paranoia on your part.   - It''s a life''s work40% Off ALL Hosting Plans Until March!!!-ryan@lecherousjester.com ;  I am so afraid of that.   ;  Curious, how was your life growing up? More specifically, did you live with both parents? Were they fine? Sometimes (not all, however) these trust related issues are associated with maybe a father leaving when someone is very young and this can have a profound impact on someone when their minds are still developing. If this was the case, maybe some therapy for whatever happened in your childhood (if there was anything) could be used.Best of luck man, I hope everything turns out well.  