   Manliness
  I wrote this article for our school newspaper - my hastily written article on manliness.  I am not looking for rates (up or down) for this, but I would like an audience to critique my writing who won't automatically give me positive comments because they don't want to hurt my feelings.  Here it is:Quote:Contemporary ManlinessRecently, over my typical breakfast of eight raw eggs and a whole turkey, I came across an amusing article in the newspaper.  Two women were discussing the role of manliness in modern American society.  After having my toned muscles rubbed down with oil after my morning free-weights routine, I decided to explore this further; I figure that my credentials as an XY give me more right to talk about the joys of testosterone than two female editorial writers.  Therefore, I have prepared this eclectic guide to expressing your manliness to the fullest.  On the other hand, if you are female, a nerd, or way too metro to want a fine pelt covering your body, you should find this a useful and informative guide to the rippling biceps and fascination with fire that characterize the modern male.The man of today hasn't changed much over the centuries.  Sure, there have been phases where the "in" thing to be was an elegant dandy, perfumed and be-wigged, but those days are long gone.  I am convinced that the pendulum has swung the other direction.  Let me provide you with some good modern examples of incredibly manly men.  Bruce Lee should be the first name to spring to mind; he may be small, but that man could kick some serious boo-tay!  Secondly, pre-political Arnold Schwarzenegger, with his incredible musculature and physical combat prowess, has contributed much to the field; see his greatest film, "Commando," for an example of throwing-a-pipe-through-your-opponent male goodness.  My last example might strike some as a bit of an odd choice: Cary Elwes, who lacks even a manly first name, wears extraordinarily tight, elastic pants in the classic "Robin Hood: Men In Tights," directed by Mel Brooks.  Say what you will, but it takes a truly secure stud to pull off a pair of tights like that.Given that the aforementioned bruisers are only a few drops in a seething ocean of masculinity, I bet you're wondering why you don't see such glamorous hunks wandering around your neighborhood.  Let me clue you in on a secret: your own neighbor is one.  That's right - him.  The guy who, when he isn't roasting an entire ox (having just killed it during a one-on-one wrestling match), is out huntin' moose and pinnin' the antlers up over his garage.  Every block has at least one of them.  These are the men who, as a joke, spray their nearby friends with lighter fluid before showing off the propane torch with which they are planning on lighting the barbecue.  These are the men of the flannel, plaid lumberjack shirts.  The men who pitch their beer cans out of the truck in the middle of the wildlife preserve, on their way back from an outdoor excursion at the RV park.  These are men of today!Now you understand - this fine culture of the obnoxious, chauvinistic and outrageously hairy is far from dead.   You don't have to be afraid any longer, men.  This is a clarion call - I mean a primal, chest-pounding whoop - to unite again as the tribe of domineering, bottom-scratching simians that we are meant to be.  This is a future to strive for, my fellow gorillas!  We can become one with Hank, that beer-bellied bumpkin who always drives around in that enormous jeep!  Beat your chest and yell!  Take the city!  Loot, pillage and burn the city to the ground!  Take none alive... wait... oh, sorry – my mom wants me to go wash the dishes...
  Thank you! You wrote an essay about me.  Seriously though I had a good laugh with that.  I would personally like it more if you continued the "manly" theme through the end rather than de-valueing the rest of the essay by being submissive.  Something more along the lines of needing to club a bear to feed your family, or procreating your species by... well... you know... That's just my opinion though, probably also has to do with the way I read it, I read it more like an exaderation rather than making fun of the idea of being manly, which is probably the way some might read it (it might also be the way you intended it).cheers-Dan   