Wednesday, May 30, 2012

So. Today was a sad sad day for Kelsey Edwards (me). I killed an animal. A living, breathing, tree-dwelling animal. And I couldn't be more sad about it.

I got in a car accident last summer because I refused to squish a family of little ducklings, but this morning at approximately 8:25, I killed a squirrel. It was like, I didn't even see it coming or have time to even realize what was happening. It came out of no where and went right behind my front tires and got hit by my back tires. I know it was a squirrel because when I looked back he was moving (twitching) and thus still alive. That gave me SOME hope. When I drove back from work he defs was dead. Just like my hope.

And so after I had realized what happened, I did what any normal person would have done and pulled into the mcgregor parking lot and sobbed my squirrel killing eyes out. and then when i pulled myself together after a pep talk from my sister and hit the road again, i had to stop my car for two ducks crossing the road! SERIOUSLY! what is WITH chatham??

So this post is dedicated to Mr. Squirrel. Who probably had a family and was probably out searching for nuts and other food to bring to his hungry family.

It is a tough world for a squirrel out there, and you gotta get by somehow - ya know?

Just a regular squirrel. Living his life one moment, and smoked by my car and dead the next.

So here is to you.

I hope you are happy in squirrel heaven, and that there are lots of nuts and acorns and seeds that you don't have to run across busy roads at rush hour traffic time in order to obtain.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Since graduation, I kind of have had a lot of breakdowns, like hugely emotional breakdowns, where my heart just feels like it is being ripped into a million pieces over and over with no sign of stopping. This isn't because I miss Guelph, and it isnt because trying to find jobs, or even trying to figure out what I want to be in life is frustrating.

Its because I finally realize that all those expectations I had as a child are finally coming to the breaking point. They are either going to happen, or they aren't.

We all have dreams, you are lying to yourself if you say you don't... but we grew up, and most of us realized some of those dreams just aren't realistic. I don't know, for some reason I NEVER got past that. I just didn't know how to separate dreams from reality.

For example, there was a time (a very long time) where with my whole entire self thought that Joe Jonas was going to fall in love with me. And not even like every other fan thought so, I thought if I had a moment I would totally swoon him and that would be it. That would be my life. Every day it didn't happen it literally hurt me. Just thinking about it gives me that same feeling in my stomach, that feeling that you just want something SO bad. And I didn't think it was stupid, or just a pipe dream. nope, never. It always seemed attainable to me.

That is how every other picture of the future I ever conjured seemed. It wasn't so much a dream as it was something that just was going to happen. That I didn't really have to worry about it because I was just destined for this, or this was what I was going to do. It sounds cocky and whatever, but I always felt like I was going to be something a lot more than what I am. I thought I was going to change the world. And that I was going to change it doing something that I loved and that inspired me every day.

But now, its like... That isn't happening. And a normal person would probably be okay with that because they learned a long time ago that dreams aren't always realistic. But when I dream, I dream effin hard. And I don't know. Now it feels like I am failing myself. Its not like I am not happy and I am not proud of myself and all that I have accomplished.. its just like, I finally realized that all those amazing things I believed so so soooooo truly about my life and my future, well, they just aren't happening. And that hurts. It feels really really really crappy. It makes me sad. Whatever, growing up is alright... but realizing those dreams are over? that isn't.

We are told to follow our dreams, right? But what we should be told is to "let your dreams inspire you, but make them into something realistic, and then follow those". There is nothing wrong with dreaming, but we just have to understand those dreams and not let out life and our happiness revolve around those.

Monday, May 28, 2012

say for example you were blind and thus could not tell what colour my hair was... or if you did not believe that I was a natural blind - I have conjured the perfect example of my deep-rooted blondeness for you all to enjoy.

so, enjoy!

After getting ice cream with my family, we were talking about how high gas prices were and how public transit is going to expand and stuff. and we started to talk about how bad via rail is, like for the times it runs and for the prices you have to pay.

And my sister Brooke shared an anecdote along these lines:

"Yeah! It is so brutal. Last year I wanted to visit Kelsey but the only times I could have gotten in at were 5 am or 10 pm, and that wasn't worth it just for one night."

and me, being me, thought she was talking about her friend kelsey so I go:

"ohhh really? where did kelsey go to school??"

and everyone just dead pans and looks at me like uhhhhhhh are you an idiot? and brooke is like "Kelsey? as in YOU? You went to Guelph."

Thursday, May 24, 2012

This could not be any more true. There is nothing more rewarding then coming home, putting on comfy pyjamas and ripping off your bra. Pyjamas are nice, yes, but there is something about that moment when you release yourself from the bra where you just go "ahhhhhhh", like "now I can relax".

Its not like bras stress me out. I love bras. A LOT. Me and gravity have a lot of beef, so its like, I need a bra. But at the end of the day, I am NOT sad to see that bra go. Its like saying goodbye to your awesome boss at the end of the work day - like, you love your boss and love working with them, but you are happy when you finally get to separate yourself from him/her because it means no more work. Except with a bra, when it comes off it means NO MORE ANYTHING. Just puuuuure lounging and relaxation.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

So this is me about to do sooooooome ranting. And also to just help open your minds.

So I just graduated from University, correct? And when I was in high school - I thought university was the BIG THING. The only option for smart people. I mean, they prime you for it all through high school. The harder classes are called "UNIVERSITY" courses - so all you think about post-highschool is university. of course.

so i didnt even LOOK at college. not even once. I mean, I knew nursing was a college program - but I am so bad with blood that I knew that wasn't a career for me. but other than that, I had NO idea what college had to offer. Nothing. None. And i didn't care. And I didn't care throughout university, I didnt think I was missing a thing.

But now that I am graduated, and finding it impossible to find a job or even understand what I am qualified to do with my undergrad, I realize that maybe college was worth a look.

Now I am not saying that university wasnt worth it. It was AMAZING. The best 4 years of my life. I feel infinite times smarter, and my skills in critical thinking and essay writing and expressing myself in an intelligent way have increased in such a way that I couldn't ask for more. It taught me things I dont think college ever could have, and I have become knowledgeable in so many different fields.

But that being said, I wish that I went into university having some sort of life plan. Because now that I graduated, with psychology and biology degrees, it kind of leaves the world really wide open - and yet really shut at the same time. I graduated deans list and everything. When I tell people my degree they mostly go "annnd what can you do with that?" (nothing. the answer is nothing).

I know so many people, people that don't want to go the masters route or dont want to be a teacher, or dont want an mba, who are just screwed into crappy jobs they hate and feeling stuck. and sometimes, these jobs are minimum wage or slightly higher... which is crazy.... because we were told that UNIVERSITY was what we should do if we want to be successful. I never heard anything other than that. and I looked down on college, because I thought if I went to college I would have a shitty job and no options.

Now i see how flawed that is, and how different my life could have been had I chosen to look at college. I have been looking at programs and schools, and the careers that i actually want - and never have been excited by any of the post-bio or psych routes.. and i do not want to be a teacher or in business.. so it was like eff im screwed. but then i found a career that i actually felt passionate about, just to learn that it was a 4 year undergrad program at a college.

DERP.

I could have been graduated from this program, my dream program.. and had the job I wanted. If only I hadn't brushed college to the side.

BUT! Please understand. I am not saying college is for everyone. i just think it is overlooked by a lot of people, and college is for smart people. there are some programs that universities just cant offer, and this is where college comes in. People like me who are really indecisive and have no idea what the future holds for them might benefit really largely from college, rather than going through uni and switching programs a million times and end up a confused and lost graduate.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Yesterday at a family get together, which was mostly filled with adults, there were 2 little children (approx 5 and 3) who were just adorable and stole my heart.

Something you should know about me is that kids and dogs ALWAYS love me. And so, when there are kids at a party I always end up becoming a babysitter-type deal - and I honestly love it. Last night I ended the night with the 2 little kids taking turns sitting on my lap and watching the fireworks. Couldn't ask for more.

But anyway, these kids taught me some things and definitely made me laugh a lot - so I thought I should share with you all.

First, kids fall. ALL THE TIME. This is me, being a child - walk walk walk, fall, walk walk, run, fall, repeat. But they always just get back up and they don't let it ruin their mood or their fun. I mean, when kids fall it hurts a lot less than when we fall.. but still, it was the whole embarrassment factor that impressed me. They just didn't care they made a fool out of themselves. They just got back up and did their own thing. Impressive. (see that picture of the cute little blond falling straight on her butt? yeah, thats me. adorable right?)

Second. Kids are SO honest, and they never ever mean to hurt you. Their honesty is always so good hearted and usually they are just so genuinely curious, so they ask. Like the little girl yesterday was looking at my lip ring and just kept grabbing at her own lips and going "OUCH! OUCH!" and freaking out over it. Like you should take that out, its hurting you.

And once we were walking and she just stopped and stared at me... so I was like "what??" and she was like "nothing. I just forgot what you looked like and I wanted to remember". Total awwwwww.

KIDS GET SO MUCH EXERCISE! THEY NEVER STOP MOVING. WE WOULDNT BE FAT IF WE PLAYED LIKE LITTLE KIDS. SERIOUSLY.

Finally, kids are SO ready to make friends - and they DONT discriminate. You can be old, young, girl, boy... they don't care. If you are nice to them and put yourself out there, they will give you a chance. They dont care about rumors or gossip. They just want to be your friend. We should try that.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Today is my sister's 19th birthday... which of course makes me feel old and happy and excited all at the same time. But mostly, it makes me realize how important family is.

And when I think of family, of course I think of my brother Dale as being part of that family. And I just like, man. Dale is awesome. Not only did he ride his bike across Canada, but he has backpacked Europe, never shaved his chest hair, is an "expert" photographer AND is becoming a DOCTOR. I couldn't be more proud of him, and be more honoured to call myself his sister. Dale. Thank you. Even though you are 6 years older than me, because we both went to Guelph at the same time for a bit, we were able to develop a grown up relationship - and that was nice. So just, I love you Dale. This one is for you!

KIDDDDDDING!

Brooke, this is for you.

I think everyone knows how much my sister means to me, anyone who sees one of us without the other generally ends up asking something along the lines of "where is your other half"? and anyone who has a sister can understand the feelings I feel. I am so proud of her, and yet even though she is still my younger sister, she is growing into such a wonderful young lady and I am just so proud. And I think you make me a better person too. A lot of who I am is because of you.

If you are an older sister and your sister is turning 19, a great way to be the best sister ever - is to volunteer to be her personal DD/taxi for the night. It wins you major points in the sister book.

Birthdays come once a year, and momentous birthdays come even less often. A 19th birthday is the most exciting day for most people, it is the first day they EVER get to try alcohol. I remember the day I turned 19....... I went to detroit (where the drinking age is 21) and I was front row for a jonas brothers concert. I didnt get drunk off of alcohol that night, but I sure did get drunk off of Joe Jonas's tight pants (NAW WHAT I MEAN????)

People play off birthdays. But hey, if you have the time - do something to make them feel special if you can. They deserve it.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

But seriously... Equally as difficult is a front-clasping bra. Just saying

And also, remember that time that I solved a rubiks cube? still one of the best accomplishments of my life. It is amazing, because even with the directions right infront of you, one wrong move and you are DONE. it took me SO many effin tries, and I havent had the energy to try it again. But if you ever want to feel amazing about yourself, and maybe are a little hungover - turn your hangover day into a rubik's cube solution day. If I can do it, you can do it.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Today is the one day a year where we are supposed to celebrate our mothers. But the thing is, is that it should be EVERYDAY. Everyday we should be telling these ladies how much they mean to us. Just my opinion. But I guess, at the end of the day - for those of us who don't always express our love, having a day where we shower our mother's with love is good. Okay. Yeaaaaaaaaa :)

But really, I am just going to blog about how thankful I am for my mom. And if you like what I say, feel free to copy me and tell your mom this shiz. (you don't have to give me credit this time).

But when it comes to moms, I think I hit the jackpot. My mom is HILARIOUS, beautiful, smart as hell (which kind of sucks because I definitely dont live up to her standards)... but she is just everything a mom should be, and then some more.

I could go on forever about how amazing she is and how thankful I am, but that gets redundant. I will never be able to express the love I feel - and I understand that.. but I just hope that my mom knows how much she means to me. Because lord (lol) knows, I haven't havent always been the best at showing it.

Here's the thing. I wouldn't be who I am without her guiding me through. No matter what, seriously, my mom has been there for me. And instead of judging me and making a tough time tougher - she helps me learn from all my mistakes and become a better person because of it. I think that is pretty unique and special. A lot of people don't have such a full-disclosure relationship with the mothers, and I can't imagine my life without it. And this doesn't mean that my mom makes all my decisions, my mom just helps me through them - I still am living my own life and doing my own things - but no matter what, I know she is there when I need her (which is a lot). I can never fully express my love and my appreciation for my mother, because she has NEVER given up on me ... even when I gave up on myself.

The thing with moms is that they know stuff about us that we don't even know. And when they try to help us or make it clear - we resent them for it. We give moms such a hard time, and that is pretty crappy. We all do it, its really natural and happens all the time - so thats why we have to really show our love when we do remember. USUALLY (i know this is not always) moms only want the best for us.. but sometimes it seems the other way when they are helping us through life.

I just can't imagine my life without my mom, and I would never even have a LIFE if it wasn't for her.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

I find this outrageously funny, and I am preeetty sure that all of my fellow Harry Potter fans will agree with me on this... but it also rings a truth with me. Not that I ever truly believed that I could flush myself down a toilet and end up in the ministry of magic or anything (I was old enough when the HP series came out to know better)... but like, we all have things in our lives that just shattered us when we found out they weren't real.

There are the obvious examples, like Santa and the Tooth Fairy (if you read this and still believe, then i am JUST KIDDING). But there are other less universal things. Everyone in their life has something pretty unique to them that they truly believed, and were shocked when they found out otherwise.

For me, it was finding out that I wasn't really going to turn into a Sailor Scout. Because like, I effin TRAINED. HARD. and i was SOOOOO ready for the day a random cat with a crescent moon on its forehead would find me on the streets... and just incase it didn't recognize me, i regularly wore my hair in "meatballs" (just like sailor moon for you n00bz). And eventually, it kind of dawned on me that I wasn't magical... and that kind of sucked. Luckily I never tried flushing myself down the toilet, but I spent HOURS training. Not just playing either, but going HARD. And sometimes my friends would call and I would tell them that Sailor Jupiter was over helping me train and I couldn't talk for very long.

Yeah.

A more ridiculous story is the story I call "finding out what ribs ACTUALLY were". Everyone I tell this story to thinks I am an idiot and that I live up to the blonde stereotype... but like, my world was shaken (big time) when i figured out what ribs really were. I never liked them growing up, and so one day my famjam was making ribs, so i was making myself kraft dinner... and i was standing at the pot while everyone was eating their ribs, and i was just like "so wait.... what body part of the animal are the ribs from...... OH MY GOD IS IT THE RIBS?" and yeah, it is.

but like, even now... that WEIRDS ME THE EFFFFFFF OUT. I always thought they were called ribs because they were meant to like LOOK like ribs and it was a funny play on words.. but nope. they are the literal ribs of the animal. barf. but this is coming from the girl who thought that meat (any type) was from a meat sac of an animal. I had NOOOOOOOO idea til like grade 10 that meat was the MUSCLE of an animal. yuck.

Anyway.

Just thought it was a cute picture and it reminded me of the random things that I truly believed were real growing up... like I remember talking to my stuffed animals and them talking back (but my mom has informed me that she was in clear sight and was being a puppeteer... but i NEVER saw her. i thought stuffed animals were magic).. but hopefully this brought a smile to you and maybe makes you remember some cute memories you have. stay young.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

so we are loading all our old pictures onto the computer, which means LOTS of memories are being brought up, which is amazing. my cheeks actually hurt from looking at old family pictures with my mom and my brother and adding funny commentary.

but besides the awesome memories, i have noticed a recurring theme of me looking absolutely outrageous. since I was like... one, i have been making these stupid faces - and I haven't stopped.