Kinnear wins Nobel Prize

+++++STOP PRESS+++++ Reuters 2 July 2013 Stockholm. Newcastle United Director of Football Joe (F) Kinnear has won the 2013 Nobel Prize for Literature. Speaking from the Nobel Institute in Stockholm, Sweden, the Chairman of the Judging Panel, Heede Zeball, said " without doubt, as a work of fantasy fiction, Joe's "My Story - How I Was Great at Everything" was head and shoulders above anything else we have seen this year, and will stand as a benchmark for creative fiction for years to come". Visiting Professor of Literature at Luton University (formerly Wimbledon Polytechnic), Prof. Frank Lee D. Lusional, tweeting from his home in Dry Heaves, New Mexico, said of the work - " better than Tolkien, in my opinion". Zeball added "I expect this to be come a set text in creative writing classes at universities and colleges across the English speaking world in very short order". Prof D. Lusional later tweeted "The authors absolute belief in the world that he has invented shines through in the work". It has not been possible to reach Kinnear for comment as, according to sources at St James Park and reported in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle, he is believed to be negotiating a peace treaty between Israel and the Palestinians, and then travelling on to South Africa to assist "his old mate Nelson to get better". Meanwhile in Co. Durham, England residents were reporting a strange hum emanating from the graveyard where the late Sir Bobby Robson is buried. Detecting equipment brought in suggests that the source was something rotating at about 2000Hz. +++ENDS+++