article: "I recovered from anorexia, I became bulimic and struggled with self-harm and depression and I was diagnosed with bipolar after that," says Ruby, who is now 22. The illustrator and author, now known as Ruby etc, found herself in a cycle of hospitalisation from the age of 14, and she found each return to the classroom painfully stressful. "I was too unwell for school a lot of the time and hated formal art classes in particular," she says, and night-school was a non-starter too. Ruby is now building a successful career in art and has landed a publishing deal. At 17 she left education and began to draw every day. At the time, it was one of the only things she could engage with and it became an important coping mechanism. "When I drew it was a relief. It was catharsis," she says. Her sketches started on post-it-sized bits of paper always with the aim of making herself laugh. The "bizarre" nature of the mental health system provided plenty of inspiration - from the therapists to the mood stabilisers, which she thought of as bike stabilisers that required her to "do the peddlin'". "Often when I'm feeling really down I'll draw very silly things to take my mind off it all. Other times I might be feeling okay, but want to focus on something a little deeper or more serious," she says. After encouragement from a friend, Elliot started to post her images online. Over the next three years she amassed 200,000 subscribers to her Tumblr blog, 31,000 fans on Facebook and 28,000 Instagram followers. "I was so unwell and isolated but being able to put stuff on the internet and communicate with other people is something I could do from inside the house when I couldn't leave due to paranoia." Elliot now takes her sketchpad everywhere she goes and regards it as her "safety blanket". She doesn't do draft versions of her work, she just goes straight to it in pen - generally in black ink. Being depressed for me feels like I've been steam-rollered by an external force that renders me a grotty non-human pancake of sadness. I become so saturated and overwhelmed with feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness that the simplest of things become a giant effort - it can take me a week or more to convince myself to crawl into the shower. The subsequent shame and embarrassment about not being able to Do Anything is the icing on the cake really. I become noticeably slower. I sleep more. It's a scary place to be. The other side - mania - or hypomania (mania but without psychotic symptoms) is like a switch flicks within me and I suddenly have masses of energy; I sleep less, I do more. I can seem quite happy and 'well'. But I will have a pretty constant stream of rushing thoughts I'm trying to manage, and although they can be exciting, when I get sleep deprived I get agitated. It can get to a point where I can't 'switch off' and that gets
summary: For Ruby Elliot her sketchbook was her only sanctuary from a life in "constant crisis mode".