I think I was looking for something more clinical - a more technical text book.  As it turns out, if you've got a real struggle, trying to facilitate these 7 conversations with out that neutral 3rd party is nearly impossible.  For those of you who don't know, this is the basis of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy in a nut shell.  The book is an easy read with lots of clinical examples - people you can relate to.  However, we don't end up in relational troubles because we are GOOD at managing our selves.  We get there because we are not.  That's where the counselor can help.  They call us out on our bull, and correct assumptions.