Teen Bullied after His Death
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN ANCHOR: John, thanks very much. Good evening, everyone. We begin tonight "Keeping Them Honest" with a fresh and frankly horrible new development in a story that already breaks your heart. It is reminder that teen bullying doesn't stop, doesn't die even after the victim does. Jamey Rodemeyer took his own life a little more than a week ago. He was taunted in death by bullies at a homecoming dance the night of his wake. Kids shouting he was better off dead and, "We're glad you're dead." His sister who left the wake to attend the dance had to listen to this. I spoke with her earlier tonight. You're going to hear from her in a moment. She's a remarkable young woman, as you'll see for yourself. So was her brother Jamey. And millions got to know him through his online presence. Months ago he posted a message on YouTube as part of the "It Gets Better" project, a program to spread messages of hope to lesbian, gay and bisexual kids who are bullied because of their sexuality. Even in his sadness, Jamey was reaching out to help others.</s>JAMEY RODEMEYER, BULLIED TEENAGER: Hi, this is Jamey from Buffalo, New York. And I'm just here to tell you that it does get better. Here's a little bit of my story. December 2010, I thought I was bi, and then I always got made fun of because I virtually have no guy friends. And I only have friends that are girls. And it bothered me because we would be like faggot and they'd taunt me in the hallways and then I felt like I could never escape it. And I made a formspring which I shouldn't have done. And people would just constantly send me hate telling me that gay people go to hell.</s>COOPER: Jamey said he constantly got messages, hate messages on the social networking site Formspring which is a site that allows kids to post anonymous comments about each other and to each other. But back then, as you hear, he said he rose above the negativity.</s>RODEMEYER: I promise you it will get better. I have so much support from people I don't even know online. I know that sounds creepy, but they're so nice and caring and they don't ever want me to die.</s>COOPER: Two weekends ago after saying good night to his sister, Jamey Rodemeyer took his own life. He was only 14 years old. His school in Williamsville, New York, does have a bullying prevention program. You'll hear a bit from the local superintendent shortly. A lot of schools now have similar programs and more states are enacting new anti-bullying laws. Some, though, face resistance from conservative groups who say that bullying and tolerance programs encourage homosexuality. That they're actually part of a so-called gay agenda. But Jamey was above all of that for a while and seemed to have pushed past the prejudice and past the hate.</s>RODEMEYER: And I just want to tell you that it does get better. Because when I came out for being bi I got so much support from my friends, and it made me feel so secure, and then if your friends or family is even there for you, I look up to one of the most supporting people of the gay community that I think of that I know, Lady Gaga. She makes me so happy. And she lets me know that I was born this way. And that's my advice to you from her. We were born this way. All you have to do is hold your head up and you'll go far because that's all you have to do. Just love yourself and you're set.</s>COOPER: He tried. And whether he knew it or not, Jamey Rodemeyer left friends and fans behind. This weekend the performer he called Mother Monster, Lady Gaga, paid tribute to him.</s>LADY GAGA, SINGER: So tonight, Jamey, I know you're up there looking at us. And you're not a victim. You're a lesson to all of us. And tonight I know it's a bit of a downer but sometimes the right thing is more important than the music, isn't it? Let's do this one for Jamey.</s>COOPER: Jamey was a high school freshman. He'd only been in high school for nine days. His sister Alyssa is a high school junior. Earlier tonight I talked with her about what she witnessed, what she heard and what's done to her at a homecoming dance the same day of Jamey's wake. A slice of what Jamey had gone through.</s>COOPER (on camera): What would people over the years, what were people calling him?</s>ALYSSA RODEMEYER, SISTER OF JAMEY RODEMEYER: You know they were making fun of him for having so many girl friends. And you know, they were calling him a girl. They were -- they were just calling him names and saying harsh things about him and just ridiculous things.</s>COOPER: The -- you actually found him?</s>A. RODEMEYER: Yes.</s>COOPER: I mean, I can't imagine what that was like.</s>A. RODEMEYER: It was -- it was rough, but like, I don't know. It just kind of -- I didn't really have time to soak it all in because I was in a state of shock and I was trying to do everything to, you know, call 911, get my parents, you know, try to save him. And I don't know. It didn't all fully register at the time, I guess.</s>COOPER: Yes. It was a hanging in the backyard?</s>A. RODEMEYER: Yes.</s>COOPER: You went -- it was important for your parents that you go to the homecoming dance the first day of Jamey's wake, the first day of the wake.</s>A. RODEMEYER: Yes. They let me leave early from the wake until 8:00 and then the dance was at 7:00. And they wanted me -- they didn't want me to miss out on any homecoming things and they wanted me to try to get my mind off stuff. And so they told me I could go. And I went with a whole group of friends from the wake and we all went together.</s>COOPER: And I mean what was that like?</s>A. RODEMEYER: The beginning of the dance, it was really great. Like we were all having a good time, and we -- you know, we were dancing around. Some kids were just like -- some kids were just kind of sitting there, like, you know, I don't think I should be having fun. You know, and we're just like, you just got to -- just this time just let yourself be happy and just imagine he's with us just dancing along with us, and you just can't like let yourself be in pain for just like these two hours. And just try to enjoy yourself because I don't want to see his friends in so much pain that they're going through. And I just -- I was trying to encourage people to have fun. And then, you know, things just started going bad.</s>COOPER: They played a Lady Gaga song.</s>A. RODEMEYER: Yes. And we all started chanting for him.</s>COOPER: You started chanting Jamey's name?</s>A. RODEMEYER: Yes, and we had so many people chanting it and we were all jumping around and we were singing to it. And it was -- it was -- it started off great.</s>COOPER: And then what happened?</s>A. RODEMEYER: Then a little group of like three of his prior bullies, as we were chanting, they started yelling stuff back at us. They were saying that they were glad he was dead and just basically that, and like some obscenities and things.</s>COOPER: So they were actually saying that? They were --</s>A. RODEMEYER: Yes.</s>COOPER: You know the kids who were saying this, as they were saying they were glad your brother's dead.</s>A. RODEMEYER: Yes. Like we -- later, like, after the dance, I found out that some kid was videotaping the dance, and he actually got it on tape. And it was -- it was so cruel.</s>COOPER: Was that one of the kids who was one of the bullies who was videotaping?</s>A. RODEMEYER: No, he's actually a really nice guy.</s>COOPER: When you heard -- I mean did you actually hear them saying this?</s>A. RODEMEYER: Yes.</s>COOPER: I can't imagine what that's like.</s>A. RODEMEYER: I just -- I honestly didn't know what to do about it. I was just kind of struck in awe. And I -- we all kind of stopped. And like everyone started like breaking down and crying, and we all just kind of got in a little group and we were all crying. And the teachers came and tried to like comfort us. And then administration came. And we tried to tell them what happened. And I actually ended up having a really nice talk with one of our vice principals who is actually really trying to do something about this. And I give him so much credit for that.</s>COOPER: But in terms of what happened at the dance, I mean, do those kids -- did the teacher tell them to stop or they just stopped naturally?</s>A. RODEMEYER: No, they -- they stopped after a while just because eventually chanting has to stop. And they basically ran from the dance and -- because they knew they were going to get in trouble.</s>COOPER: You went home. And I talked to your mom before on my show earlier and she was very upset. She was angry.</s>A. RODEMEYER: Yes. How could you not be angry at this?</s>COOPER: Yes.</s>A. RODEMEYER: Like, I don't understand who would have the heart to disrespect someone even after they're dead. It's mind blowing.</s>COOPER: It's been important for your folks and for you to speak about Jamey, even though it's only been, I mean what, nine days now?</s>A. RODEMEYER: Yes, nine days.</s>COOPER: Why is that so important for you to speak?</s>A. RODEMEYER: It's important because Jamey, while he was alive, was trying to get out this message of everyone should be treated equally and no one should have to be bullied for any kind of way that they're different. And to me, that's a really important message, too, because no one deserves to be bullied. Everyone's different and that's what's great about everyone is everyone's uniqueness. And we just want to keep that message going because we don't want to see another teen that comes to this decision because they're being bullied because no one deserves to feel like they're worthless, because no one's worthless. Everyone's worth the life they're living.</s>COOPER: What do you want people to know about Jamey, to remember about him?</s>A. RODEMEYER: I want them to remember his smile and his caring heart and his love for Lady Gaga and just -- he was such a sweet, sweet kid.</s>COOPER: You're incredibly strong.</s>A. RODEMEYER: Thanks.</s>COOPER: And I hope you find peace in the days ahead. Thank you. Thanks for being here.</s>A. RODEMEYER: Thanks so much.</s>COOPER: Jamey's sister. Digging deeper now Rosalind Wiseman who's an expert on teens and bullying, joins me. She's the author of "Queen Bees and Wannabees: Helping Your Daughters Survive Clicks, Gossip, Boyfriends and the New Realities of Girl World." It's extraordinary to me, I mean I've heard other stories of this where kids are taunted in death, but the kids would, in front of Jamey's sister Alyssa, say stuff about him at a school dance is -- I just find unbelievable. How do you explain that?</s>ROSALIND WISEMAN, AUTHOR, "QUEEN BEES AND WANNABEES": Well, and I know that so many people are looking at this and saying, what is wrong with these kids, what's wrong with society, what's wrong with those people? And I really want to say, even though people probably don't want to hear this, that this could happen in any community. And I'm so transfixed by Alyssa's words, that really they're just so incredible. But I really think what's so important here is that we really think about as adults is that we have a sacred responsibility to take ownership, not when our kids are doing things that make us proud, like winning a game or bringing home trophies, but when they do things that are shameful, when they do things that are hateful, and when they do things like what you're talking about, where they celebrate somebody's death. I mean those kids did not only failed themselves and their school they -- and Jamey and their family, they failed themselves, their community. And what I think is so important is that adults realize that. And that we say we have to take responsibility and we have to hold these kids accountable in ways that don't degrade them. But hold them accountable. Make them responsible. And at the same time say this is part of us. And kids can do unbelievably bad things in groups. And we are going to address it in ways that they will not forget and that we are going to take responsibility so that Jamey's death is really not in vain and that it is celebrated in the way that his sister is talking about. This is really the test for the community, to stand up for what it really -- you know what it really wants to believe in.</s>COOPER: We talked to the superintendent of Jamey's school earlier. Listen to a little bit of what he said.</s>DR. SCOTT MARTZLOFF, SUPT., WILLIAMSVILLE CENTRAL SCHOOL DISTRICT: Certainly we have now turned our attention to the huge societal issue of bullying in our schools. And we are reviewing all of our procedures around that, how we handle bullying issues, the training for all of our teachers, all of our adults who work with children, reviewing our disciplinary protocols to make sure that we are taking appropriate action in bullying cases and taking a number of steps to educate our children and our parents in regards to bullying and how we can all work together to prevent it.</s>COOPER: Is that enough?</s>WISEMAN: Well, I mean, one of the things that really strikes me is that those three kids who by Alyssa's -- you know what she's saying, that they were his tormentors before. And they believe, for whatever reason, that they could get away with being -- with doing what they were doing, with screaming that he should die or that they were happy he was dead in a public forum and -- of a dance, there is no more public forum in school, in a high school than at a dance. And they thought they could get away with that. And what we're hearing also is that, yes, the teachers got involved, it sounds, pretty late to me. And so the second you would hear something like that, as the teachers, you would move and you would silence those kids. So I've got to wonder really what went on that those kids felt that they could get away with it. And that there must have been some children who might have been absolutely stunned but could not figure out a way to speak and to stop them. And that's really the important thing that we've got to do. Because we've got to look at ourselves and not society. Because when we talk about society, then we stop taking responsibility for our own behavior and the behavior that goes on in our communities. It's about what we can do with the kids that we know in our own families. And honestly, if people are going to say well, those were some bad kids. If you're watching this and you're part of that community, there are kids -- talk to your children even if they weren't involved. Even if they sat there and they were stunned. Even if they sat there and they wanted to do something and they couldn't because those are the conversations that matter to kids so that things like this do not continue in the future.</s>COOPER: Rosalind, I appreciate your expertise. Thanks for being on. We're going to continue to follow this issue here on 360. In fact we recently teamed up with Cartoon Network and Facebook to try to look at this from all angles. There's an app on Facebook, you can pledge to do everything you can to stop this bullying epidemic. To find the app, go to Facebook.com/stopbullyingspeakup. Again, that's Facebook/stopbullyingspeakup. You can join us for a series of special reports, "Bullying: It Stops Here." That starts October 9th on CNN. Let us know what you think, we're on Facebook, follow me on Twitter @andersoncooper. I'll be tweeting tonight as well. A lot more ahead in the program. Up next, "Raw Politics." A stunning admission from the man in charge of getting President Obama re-elected about how tough his job is going to be. And the GOP presidential possibilities. New word that Sarah Palin could be getting ready to make the big announcement. And late word from Chris Christie about his possible presidential plans are, if any. Also tonight, "Crime & Punishment," day one of the Michael Jackson trial. A remarkable disturbing picture of Jackson never seen before shown today in court. That and an audio tape of him unlike anything you've ever heard before from him.</s>MICHAEL JACKSON, SINGER: When people leave my show, I want them to say, I've never seen nothing like this in my life.</s>COOPER: You will hear more of that ahead. First, let's check in Isha Sesay -- Isha.</s>ISHA SESAY, CNN ANCHOR: Anderson, we'll have the latest from Italy's own trial of the century. American Amanda Knox appealing her murder conviction. Closing arguments Thursday. Striking new testimony today. That and much more when 360 continues.