Have a conversation with your partner about each of your values around money. Often, people inherit the beliefs, values, and attitudes around money from family.Before getting into the next argument about money, sit down and talk about how your partner relates to money.


Understanding your partner's attitudes and views might explain why he or she is hesitant to discuss money, or why he or she feels the urge to overspend. Whatever your partner's relationship to money, it is important for you to understand it clearly.
Ask your partner, “What did your parents or family members teach you about money? Can you remember your first memory involving money? Do you have any financial goals? Do you have any fears around money? Was your family fearful about money when you were a kid?”;
, If you have thoughts such as, “We’ll finally be financially okay once he stops overspending” or, “I’ll be happy once she changes her behavior,” recognize that you’re placing your happiness onto someone else only if he or she changes. Remind yourself that you are engaging in a false belief based on your own thinking; no one can “make” you happy, and no one can “make” you feel anything. This is an opportunity for you to face your own beliefs around money and any fears you may have. Resolve to explore your own relationship to money before demanding your partner to change.Ask yourself, “What is it I want my partner to change? How does this relate to my own beliefs on money? Is there something I need to change in how I relate to money?”

, If having “enough” money is the only thing that makes you or your partner feel secure, you may find that it causes constant worry and conflict in the relationship. If you perceive your partner spending money on an unnecessary item as a threat to your relationship or a threat to your own security, it may be time to reflect on your relationship with money.Ask yourself, “What makes me feel secure? How does money play a role in me feeling secure? When do I know I have enough money? When is it okay to spend more money than expected?”

, If one partner handles the day-to-day spending and the other partner deals with long-term savings, this can cause problems in the relationship. This kind of task division can cause conflicts. If you want to handle one job at a time, consider switching roles each month by one person handling daily expenses while the other handles investments, then switching.You can also share the roles equally. Set a time each month to pay bills, discuss spending, and look over savings. Plan something fun to do together afterward, such as going to a movie or going bowling. This way, the money talk will feel less like a chore and you will have something to look forward to afterward.
 If your current situation isn’t working well or causes many difficulties, approach banking in a new way. For example, you can share one bank account (used for paying bills, household expenses, groceries, and vacations, and cars) and then have separate accounts for your own personal spending. Be creative in finding an approach that works for you and that minimizes conflict., When you first fall in love, you may throw caution to the wind and spend money on special experiences together. Yet, before you know it, you may run out of money which can lead to conflict. Find a realistic way to budget that both of you agree upon. You may work with a financial planner, create a budget on your own, or use an online/smartphone application to track your spending.While nobody likes to budget, it can be helpful to track your spending for a month to see where the money goes. After that month, see your “money pits” and figure out a plan to spend money more meaningfully the next month. Slowly allocate your money to places you’d rather spend it.
 Instead of accusing each other of bad spending habits, learn to live within your means. Don’t take out any debt that isn’t necessary. If you want a big purchase, save up for it. If you feel an impulse to buy something, tell yourself to wait one day (or one week) before you buy it. Make it a goal not to fall into debt.By living within your means, you can avoid future problems that could threaten your relationship.


If you are in debt, you may want the advice of a financial planner. Make it a priority to get out of debt as fast as you can.
For more information, check out How to Get Out of Debt.
 If you have problems with your credit, you may consider seeing a credit counselor. You can find help for managing debt and creating a budget. You may also enroll in a debt management program (DMP), which can help you manage your debts. Some creditors will waive or lower fees. Many credit unions, universities, and military bases offer services for credit counseling.Ask what services are offered and how payments work. Some places offer payment plans.
 Don’t spend money just to spite your partner or “get back” at him or her. If your relationship gets to this point, it’s likely the relationship is in a state of neglect and needs attention. Don’t use money as a weapon.Recognize that vindictive spending does not help you manage money in a positive way. Change your approach by talking about these financial decisions one-by-one, and coming to a solution together.


If your partner makes a financial decision that you do not agree with, don’t try to get revenge. Ask yourself, “What is this accomplishing? Is getting revenge helping us move forward as a couple?”

, Instead of interrupting your partner when he or she speaks, listen to everything being said. Don’t plan what to say next or think of a comeback. Just listen and wait for your turn to speak. This shows respect and can help you better understand your partner.It can also help prevent arguments by not jumping to conclusions about what your partner did or why he or she did it. Engaged listening can prevent fights by fully understanding your partner.


Look your partner in the eyes, keep your body language engaged, and asked questions. You can say, “Is there anything else you’d like to say?” before moving on.
For more information, check out How to Communicate Effectively .
 Perhaps a hidden expense is exposed or your partner makes a large purchase without asking you first. Your first reaction may be to blame your partner or jump on the defensive. If blame is a normal part of your interactions, recognize that casting constant blame can be abusive. If you are feeling blamed, tell your partner how you feel without pointing the blame back.Instead of blaming, use “I” statements. While blaming is often an accusation, you can learn to state your own feelings and concerns without blaming your partner.For example, instead of saying, “That purchase you made set us back and now we can’t afford our vacation,” say, “I wish you would have told me about that purchase beforehand. I’m sad that it’s affecting us now, and will affect our vacation together.”

, A psychologist or therapist can help you and your partner when your own efforts have failed. Working with a therapist can help you and your partner relate to each other better when discussing finances and break out of unhealthy patterns. Find a marriage or couple’s therapist, who specialize in working with couples in conflict.For more information, check out How to Attend Couples Counseling.
Talk to your partner about feelings related to money.
Check your beliefs.
Recognize whether your sense of security is tied to money.
Divide financial duties differently.
Try a new approach to banking.
Use smart budgeting.
Decide to live within your means.
Go to credit counseling.
Avoid vindictive spending.
Listen and don’t jump to conclusions.
Avoid blaming your partner.
Talk to a therapist.
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