When you experience stress and emotion, your unconscious response may be to take quick, shallow breaths.Focusing on taking deep, even breaths can calm your nerves, slow your heartbeat, and deliver much-needed oxygen to your body.There are several techniques you can use, such as Sama Vritti or “equal breathing,” or abdominal breathing.A very simple breathing exercise is to place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen. Breathe in deeply through your nose. You should feel your lower chest area expand -- this is where your diaphragm is.
Hold your breath for 1-2 seconds, then release it slowly through your mouth.
Repeat this 6-10 times per minute for ten minutes.;
, The human brain isn’t very good at telling the difference between stress and actual danger. During an emotional storm, your body’s “fight or flight” response is activated. Your body will naturally release a flood of adrenaline and norepinephrine. Your heart rate skyrockets, your muscles tighten, and your breathing becomes rapid and shallow.Focusing on what you see, smell, taste, touch, and hear can help reorient you and calm you down.Other signs of an emotional storm include feeling intense irritability, anger that is hard to control, panic/anxiety attacks, or feelings of emptiness.You may also find it hard to concentrate, or find yourself focusing on negative things.Sensory mindfulness can help relieve anxiety. The key is to be open to all of your senses, notice what is going on, and then let those sensations move through you without fighting or judging them.Mindful attention to your sensory experiences can also help you undo “automatic reactivity.” This reactivity happens when your body and mind automatically react to stimuli, such as emotional experiences, without you feeling in control of those reactions., Exercising releases natural feel-good chemicals called endorphins.One study at the University of Georgia showed that people who did moderate exercise for a period of 10 weeks felt more positive and calm than those who did not.You don’t have to be a bodybuilder to experience these benefits. In the Georgia study, even activities such as walking and gardening produced positive results.
 Progressive muscle relaxation can help release tension from your body by tensing and then releasing your muscles in groups. This can help you feel soothed and relaxed. It can also help you learn to identify when your body starts to react to emotional stress with physical tension. This will allow you to handle an emotional storm more effectively.Give yourself about 15 minutes in a quiet, relaxing environment.
Sit down and make yourself comfortable. Loosen any tight clothing. Breathe deeply.
Begin by tensing the group of muscles in your forehead. Wrinkle your forehead and try to raise your eyebrows as far as they will go. Hold this tension for 5 seconds, then relax.
Move to your eyes. Squeeze them shut as tight as you can. Hold this tension for 5 seconds, then relax.
Tense your lips and face by grinning as wide as you can. Hold this tension for 5 seconds, then relax.
Continue to progress tensing and releasing muscle groups for the following: hands, forearms, upper arms, shoulders, back, stomach, hips and buttocks, thighs, feet, and toes.After you release each group, focus on the feeling of warmth that spreads through your muscles.
If you don’t have time to do all of the muscle groups at once, focus on those around your face. Relaxing your facial muscles and smiling can help reduce emotional stress. Smiling can actually make you feel happier., Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in the moment and aware of your feelings and environment. Mindfulness acknowledges your experience without judging it.This can help you accept your emotions and handle them more effectively. Studies have shown that people who practice mindfulness may not experience fewer emotional upsets, but they are able to deal with them better.For example, if you have just lost your job, a mindfulness approach would acknowledge how you feel about that event. It would be natural to feel angry, frightened, worried, sad, or disappointed. Consciously identifying what you are feeling is an important element of mindfulness.Do not judge your feelings or try to “make” yourself feel something different.
If you catch yourself judging your emotions, don’t get stuck in a feedback loop of judging your judging behavior. Just accept that that thought happened; for example, “I was angry with myself just now for losing focus.” Then return to your mindfulness practice.
 During an emotional storm, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by a whirl of emotions that you can’t necessarily distinguish from each other. Slow down and focus on naming the emotions you feel, without judging them.Try acknowledging your feelings verbally to yourself. For example, you might tell yourself “I am feeling angry that I was just fired from work” or “I am feeling frightened because I was not expecting this to happen.”

, Mindfulness meditation has been shown to decrease anxiety and relieve depression. A recent study showed that mindfulness meditation can actually improve your brain’s ability to handle stress.Mindfulness meditation has also been shown to help regulate emotions.You can learn to do mindfulness meditation on your own.Find a comfortable, quiet place. Sit upright on the floor with your legs crossed. You can also sit in a straight-backed chair. Don’t slouch, as this impedes breathing.
Choose an element of your breathing to focus on. This could be the motion of your chest and belly as you breathe, or how it feels to fill your lungs with fresh, clean air. Focus on this element as you breathe deeply for a few minutes.
Begin to expand your focus to incorporate the rest of your body. Note what you are hearing and feeling, but try not to let any one thought dominate you.
Accept each thought and sensation. Do not judge them, just experience them.
If you lose your concentration, return to focusing on your breathing.
 Sometimes, people experiencing an emotional storm may engage in extreme or damaging behaviors. Creating a productive distraction for yourself will help channel your emotional energy into healthy behaviors. It will also build up your distress tolerance, or your ability to handle emotional upsets.Try taking a walk, gardening, or doing outdoor work. In addition to providing a distraction, these activities will give you exercise, and that can boost your mood.You could also visit a friend or go out to eat with a partner. Spending time with friends may actually improve your health., Self-soothing can help reassure you that you will make it through this emotional storm. Self-soothing behaviors are actions that you take to comfort and be kind to yourself.Listen to calming music. Research has shown that listening to soothing music helps relax and de-stress you. The British Academy of Sound Therapy has put together a playlist of songs that have been scientifically demonstrated to soothe and relax. These songs include music by Marconi Union ("Weightless"), Airstream ("Electra") and Enya ("Watermark").
Take a warm bath or a hot shower. Physical warmth has been shown to have a relaxing, soothing effect for many people.Eat a comforting meal. High-fiber, carbohydrate-rich foods cause the brain to release serotonin, a relaxing hormone. Healthy options include baked sweet potatoes, whole grain breads and pastas, beans and lentils, brown rice, and fruits and vegetables. Scientists recommend that you do not eat high-fat or high-sugar foods when you’re stressed, as these can make stress worse., Many studies have shown the importance of physical touch and contact to healthy development.When humans make positive physical contact with each other, they release oxytocin, a powerful hormone that elevates your mood and relieves stress.This is the reason it can feel so good to get a hug from a loved one when you’ve had a hard day. You can help yourself through an emotional storm by learning how to soothe yourself through self-touch.Try putting your hand over your heart. Allow yourself to feel the warmth of your skin. Focus on your heartbeat. Feel your chest rise and fall as you breathe.
You may find that giving yourself a hug helps. Cross your arms over your chest and give yourself a gentle squeeze. Hold this for a few moments. Notice the warmth and pressure of your hands and arms. You can stroke your arms with your hands if you like.
Try cupping your face with your hands. You can also run your hands through your hair.

Giving yourself a scalp massage,with your fingers or a massage tool, may help to release built-up tension.
 It can be easy to get swept away by the negative emotions of the moment. The old saying, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade” applies here, and is a key component of learning to regulate your emotions.Try to challenge your immediate negative interpretation of an event or experience.One way to do this is to create a new meaning for your current experiences.For example, Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning was imprisoned in Nazi concentration camps during WWII.He wrote that he survived because he refused to let the Nazis take from him “the human freedom...to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”One way to create new meaning for your experiences is to reframe them. For example, you might feel stuck at a job where you do not feel appreciated. Perhaps you have a coworker you really dislike. You could reframe this situation in a positive light as a learning experience in how to work with people you don’t like, which is a valuable life skill.If you have religious or spiritual beliefs, you might use them to improve the moment. Religion and spirituality can provide a sense of hope and purpose even when the immediate moment is unpleasant., The fear of uncertainty can set off emotional storms. An intolerance of uncertainty can lead you to constantly worry or try to predict the future. It may make you overly reliant on reassurance from others. It might even keep you from doing things you would otherwise enjoy.Keep a journal throughout the day noting when you feel uncertain or anxious. Write down what situations provoke this uncertainty and how you respond to it.
Rank your uncertainties. Try placing things that make you uncomfortable or anxious on a scale. For example, the uncertainty of going to a restaurant you have never tried before might be a 3. The uncertainty of letting a friend plan your vacation might be a 10.
Practice tolerating uncertainty in safe situations. You can learn to embrace uncertainty by building up a tolerance for it. Start with something small and safe, like ordering a new coffee beverage you’ve never tried. Then, you can work up to letting a friend make your dinner plans, etc.
Think about how these situations turn out. Write down how you felt during these practice situations. Did they turn out okay? If they did not -- and they won’t always -- how did you handle that? Do you think you will be able to handle more in the future?

, Learning the difference between “primary” and “secondary” emotions is an important step in learning to regulate your emotions. An emotional storm generally feels overwhelming because you experience many emotions at once or in rapid succession. Learning to separate out your emotions can help you figure out the core issue you’re responding to.For example, if your romantic partner forgot your birthday, you might immediately feel angry. That would be the primary emotion.
That anger might turn into disappointment (that your special day was forgotten), sadness (that you don’t feel valued by your partner), or even shame (that you got angry). These are secondary emotions. It would be easy to feel overwhelmed by these emotions. Tracing them back to their source can help you figure out why you are feeling the way you do.
 An emotional storm may be triggered by a reaction to an external event. It may also occur as a reaction to an internal event or idea. Learning where your emotional responses come from can help you regulate them.


For example, a reaction to an external event might be how you respond to losing a loved one. Or, it might be a reaction to being criticized for something.
Internal reactions are usually reactions you have to your own feelings and ideas. For example, you might feel ashamed that you didn’t perform well at a sports event. Or, you might feel fear about having to interact with a lot of people at a party.
It’s important not to judge your emotional responses. Acknowledge what you are feeling. Think about where that feeling has come from.
 To handle an emotional storm, practice identifying positive emotions. If you’re used to focusing on the negative emotions, it may take some time to become comfortable with adding positive emotions to the mix, but it is helpful.Research has shown that positive self-talk can help with focus, concentration, and anxiety relief.Try telling yourself that unpleasant situations are limited, temporary, and fixable. For example, if your boss criticized your work on a project, tell yourself that this instance does not characterize all of your work. Focus on what you can do to improve next time, instead of beating yourself up over what is past.Try to reframe negative thoughts in positive terms. For example, if you have tried to do something several times and not had the success you want, a negative thought might be “I’m never going to get any better at this. I might as well give up.” Try framing this in positive terms instead: “I can give this another try. Many things don’t work the first few times.”Recognize when you are minimizing your own accomplishments. It can be easy to dismiss your own successes by saying things like “I just got lucky” or “This is too good to be true.” It is important to praise yourself for your accomplishments. For example, you could transform the negative “I just got lucky with my grade” into the affirming “I spent a lot of time researching for that paper, and it paid off.”

, The cognitive distortion of “personalization” can be a big player in setting off an emotional storm. When you personalize, you make yourself responsible for things or events that are not your responsibility. You may also interpret everything as a direct response to you, even if it is not about you.Learning to challenge personalization can help you stay calm in an uncomfortable situation.


For example, if your child is not doing well in school, a personalization response would be to say “I’m a terrible parent and my child is a failure because of me.” To challenge this response, you might say something like “My child is not doing well in school. I’ll talk to the teacher to see what I can do to help.” Being specific and depersonalizing can help you avoid an emotional storm.Another example of personalization might be if a coworker snaps at you when you ask her about her day. A personalization response could look like this: “Wow, She must really dislike me to snap at me that way. I must be a bad person.” A depersonalization approach would think about the other person’s perspective. It’s possible that your coworker was just having a bad day and her response has nothing to do with you.
 Consistent mindfulness practice will help you stay in the present moment. This will keep your emotions from spiraling out of control and developing into an emotional storm. Practice the techniques in Part 2 regularly to help you stay grounded in the present.


A very common cognitive distortion is “catastrophizing,” where you allow your idea of situation or event to spin out of control. For example, imagine that your boss has criticized a project of yours. This might lead to a catastrophizing train of thoughts such as “My boss didn’t like my work on that project. S/He’ll probably tell everyone at the company how terrible I am. I’ll probably get fired, and then I’ll lose my house, and then I will end up living under a bridge in a box.” Try challenging this stream of thoughts by focusing only on what you know in the present.For example, to challenge a catastrophizing thought, test its logic to see if it's true. Think about the evidence you're basing your conclusion on. One way to challenge the above example might be to think of other times you've received critique on your work. Did those result in the chain of events you're predicting? If not, why are you certain the terrible things will happen this time?Alternately, you can look for other interpretations for the event. For example, if you call your romantic partner and s/he doesn't answer the phone, you might jump to a catastrophizing thought: "S/he isn't answering the phone. This means s/he is ignoring me. S/he probably doesn't even love me. We're probably breaking up." A more productive way to think would be to examine other possibilities. Maybe your call didn't go through. Maybe your partner was busy right then and couldn't answer. There are many explanations for this minor event that don't jump immediately to disaster.If you still feel persistent anxiety about the event or experience, ask for clarification. So, for example, you could go to your boss with your concerns about their critique. Ask your boss what you could do to improve your performance on your next project. Rather than jumping immediately to the worst-case scenario, you've taken action to improve things -- and show that you care.
 Regulating your emotions so that you don’t get swamped with an emotional storm during uncomfortable situations won’t happen overnight. Regularly practice the techniques in Part 3 to help build your distress tolerance.


Tell yourself that you are strong enough to handle this!

, Sometimes, unchecked emotions can override your ability to express your needs, thoughts, and feelings. Learning to express yourself assertively can help you state your needs, thoughts, and feelings in an open and honest way.Sometimes, your emotions can spin out of control because you have not clearly expressed your needs to another person. For example, a passive communicator might minimize the importance of getting their family together at the holidays by saying “If it isn’t too inconvenient for you, I would kind of love to have you home for the holidays.” This does not convey how important this actually is to them. If the family didn’t end up getting together, the passive person would probably feel hurt, angry, and neglected.
An assertive way to communicate the same thing might be “It is very important to me that our family spends time together. If you are able to come home for the holidays, I really want you to.” This communicates the importance of your feelings while still respecting everyone else. The family still might not be able to get together, but this way you have told them what you need and how you feel.
 Expressing your feelings honestly does not mean you yell at your boss because you’re angry. That is aggressive communication, and it’s not healthy. Being honest about your feelings means you do not repress them or judge them. You acknowledge them. Then, you think about ways to communicate them to others without being unkind or unfair.


Take the example of losing your job. Your immediate emotion might be anger, followed by fear, frustration, and shame. Acknowledge these emotions as natural. Then, take steps to tolerate this distress. Once you have calmed yourself, you can communicate clearly with your boss. You can express that you are disappointed to have lost your position. You can also express needs and desires, such as asking for a good reference or getting severance pay.
 Part of developing interpersonal skills is learning to realistically examine your own set of skills to see where you can develop and improve them. Don't only focus on what could be improved, though. Also be honest about your strengths and those of others.


Avoid “should” statements. For example, a common complaint amongst couples is that the other person “should” know what they did wrong without being told. This approach creates barriers to communication and can put the other person on the defensive.
Try using an “I”-focused statement instead. For example, instead of saying “You should have known it would hurt my feelings when you interrupted me,” try saying “I feel hurt when you interrupt me because I feel like you are not listening to me.”Try cooperative statements. Invite others to share their perspectives with you. Try to negotiate compromises, rather than insist that one person is “right.”

, Active listening is an important communication skill. It can help you avoid emotional storms by keeping you focused on what the other person is saying, not what you might read into the situation.


Once you have listened to the other person, rephrase to them what you heard them say. This can help clear up any misunderstandings. It will also let the other person know you value their input. For example, you could say “Let me see if I heard you correctly” or “Is this what you are saying?”
Try not to sound accusatory when you request clarification. Keep your voice even and calm.
 Social support networks are crucial to handling emotional storms in a healthy way.Find friends who will listen to you without judgment. People who are open and honest about their own emotions will be more able to help you handle yours.Look for people who express that they value you. Healthy friend relationships will accept you without judging you or trying to change you.
It may also be helpful to find friends who have gone through a similar situation to yours.
 In some cases, you may not want to share what you’re going through with your friends. Or perhaps you may want to find a group of people who are all experiencing something similar to your own experience. You may find that a support group is right for you.Sharing intense feelings with others makes them feel more manageable.There are support groups for many experiences, from cancer and other diseases to handling the loss of a loved one. If you are looking for a support group for a particular issue, try looking at the website for an organization devoted to your situation.
Healthfinder.gov maintains a database of support and self-help groups. Other good places to check are the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)and Mental Health America.You can also check with local community centers, places of worship, libraries, and hospitals in your area.
Be aware of sales pitches that are disguised as support groups. A genuine support group will not attempt to sell you products or services, judge your actions, pressure you to agree with ideas or philosophies, or charge exorbitant fees to attend., A mental health professional may be able to help you weather an emotional storm. They can help you develop immediate coping techniques. They may also be able to help you learn and practice techniques to prevent future emotional storms.


A common myth is that seeking counseling is a sign of weakness or failure.In fact, having the courage to admit that you could benefit from help is a sign of strength.
Another myth is that counseling/psychotherapy will just try to treat your problems with drugs.While medication may be part of a treatment plan, in almost all cases it is accompanied by guidance on how to set goals, how to understand your feelings, and how to identify and tackle problems.
There are many types of mental health professionals. Psychiatrists and Psychiatric Nurse Practitioners are usually the only ones who prescribe medication. They may also offer counseling. Clinical Psychologists, Licensed Clinical Social Workers, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists, and Licensed Professional Counselors can all offer counseling services.Counselors and therapists trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy have an excellent record of success with emotionally vulnerable individuals.
Breathe.
Focus your senses.
Exercise.
Practice progressive muscle relaxation.
Practice mindfulness.
Try to name your emotions.
Learn meditation.
Distract yourself from strong emotions.
Learn self-soothing behaviors.
Learn soothing touch.
Learn to improve the moment.
Learn to embrace uncertainty.
Learn to distinguish between primary and secondary emotions.
Distinguish between kinds of emotional experiences.
Try positive self-talk.
Depersonalize your thinking.
Remain in the present.
Practice distress tolerance consistently.
Learn assertive communication.
Be honest about your feelings.
Be fair to yourself and others.
Learn to listen.
Seek support from friends.
Find a support group.
Seek counseling.
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