Using non-aggressive behaviors to work through difficult situations is an important educational tool for children. If you see your child hitting toys, dolls or stuffed animals, you can redirect the child to act gently. Model non-aggressive behavior by teaching the child to "pat the baby" or "hug the puppy."If your child sees other people hitting each other, whether older children or adults, she is more likely to think of hitting as acceptable. If you want to teach her that hitting is not acceptable, you must make sure that no one in your family is hitting each other at any time, for any reason.
Grabbing is an aggressive behavior with younger children, and often leads to hitting. If a child grabs an item from another, redirect by modeling other ways of communication.
 When your child isn't upset, role-play possible responses to feeling angry. Blowing bubbles will help your child practice taking deep breaths. A red stop sign might help your child remember to stop and and think of alternatives before hitting. Provide a safe space where your child can go to calm down.There are educational children's books showing alternatives to aggressive behaviors that you and your child can read together. For example, Hands Are Not for Hitting by Martine Agassi is a book on this topic using simple words and pictures.
Practice having the child ask for a break or a physical activity that removes him from the area when he wants to hit another child. For example, if he needs more physical activity, he might take a break and run around a fenced-in area (such as the backyard or school playground) to release his excess energy, rather than hit another child.
 Involve your child in making a plan for what to do instead of hit another child. There should be a phrase that you and your child agree upon that marks the beginning of the plan, such as "Remember, no hitting" or "That's enough. Let's go." This phrase is not meant to embarrass your child, but to remind him of the plan.Don't use a lot of words when your child is upset.
Make sure you remain calm as you initiate the plan. This isn't a time for punishment, but for education.
Stick to the plan. This will reinforce your child's trust and help him feel more safe.
 Don't try to reason with your child when he's upset. Instead, stick to simple observations. "You seem upset" or "You seem angry." This will help him learn to connect these words with the feelings he's having. If he denies feeling this way, don't argue. Just wait for him to calm down, making sure he's safe.Remember that you are your child's external emotional regulatory system while he's still developing his own internal emotional regulation. Stay calm in your voice and your body.
Don't try to make him feel guilty for his feelings. Praise him for being able to refrain from hitting.
 If your child is more likely to hit when she's in crowded noisy places, try to avoid these places if at all possible. If she has a hard time attending birthday parties, consider attending for only a short time, with careful supervision.Give your child coping tools for being in difficult situations. Having a calming toy to fidget with, breathing exercises for calming down, and identifying safe spaces are all ways to help a child feel calmer.
Practice these coping tools ahead of time and make sure they're accessible to the child. After all, a fidget toy in a backpack won't help much. Find toys that will fit into the child's pocket, or jewelry that's designed especially for chewing.
 Talk through what the child can expect - who will be there, what activities they'll be likely to do. Then talk about what to do if the child feels like becoming aggressive. Make a clear plan, and then stick to it.Consider providing a positive consequence for not hitting in a high-stress situation. For instance, if birthday parties are difficult, consider providing a favorite small toy if the child successfully attends the party without hitting.
Teach good touch. Giving "high-5"s is a good way to touch other children or adults. Practice these ahead of time.
 If your child learns that he can get his way by hitting others, he'll be more likely to continue to do this. To teach your child not to hit, the best response you can offer will be firm refusal to meet his demands after hitting. If he has hit another child because he wants a toy, for instance, do not give him the toy.Use empathetic words to share in his sadness over not having the toy. Feeling sad is okay, and understandable.
Don't use cruel or angry words if your child continues his demands. Don't cave in, but don't respond in anger either. Remember that his anger will pass.
Maintaining your boundaries provides safety and comfort for your child in the long run. If you give your child what he wants, regardless of his behavior, you're not providing him with the parental security that helps him feel safe.
Model non-aggressive behavior.
Role-play alternative responses.
Develop a plan for what to do.
Use observation words.
Set your child up for success.
Prepare your child for a situation ahead of time.
Don't give in to demands.
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