To be less confrontational, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and understand how he or she feels. This is called empathy and it begins with listening. Hear others out, learn to listen effectively, and learn to listen actively.Try to focus on what the other person is expressing. Listen – you don’t have to say anything at all to start. Just let him speak his mind.
Resist the urge to interrupt. You will have a chance to express your side of the story. Meanwhile, try to convey that you’re paying attention by giving cues like nodding your head or by saying “Yes” or “I understand.” Try to do this without butting in.
 Ignore your own opinions and feelings for the time being, until your peer has said his or her piece. This will be challenging, but keep in mind that your goal is not to interpolate your viewpoint but to understand the other person’s. Focus on this other experience.All that you are doing is to suspend your judgement and opinions. It doesn’t mean you will have to accept the other person’s perspective, just to temporarily let go.
For starters, don’t disregard the other person’s views out of hand. It is rude and confrontational to tell someone that they should just “Get over it” or “Deal with it.”

, One way that you can listen more intently to another person and take in what they are saying is to engage with them actively. Try paraphrasing. This is when you restate what you’ve heard in slightly different words to make sure that you understand correctly. You might also ask questions.For instance, repeat back the main point once your peer has said something, i.e. “So, what you’re saying is that you don’t think I respect you” or “So, you seem to think that I’m too confrontational. Is that it?”
Paraphrasing shows that you’re listening respectfully to the other person. It also helps you better grasp his or her perspective.
Try asking some questions, too. Aim for open-ended questions to draw out more of a response. Ask something like “Why is it specifically that you think I don’t listen? Can you give some examples?”

, People will appreciate it if you take a moment to affirm their views. You can do this even if you don’t agree. Just let your friends, loved ones, or colleagues know that you have listened to and understood what they’ve said.For instance, you could say something like “Well, James, I don’t exactly agree with you but I respect your position.” Or “Thanks for speaking freely, Fatima. I can tell this is important for you and will give it some thought.”
Give others a fair hearing.
Suspend your judgement.
Paraphrase.
Affirm what you’ve heard.
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