Inner pain may occur because something is not going well and you want it to change. Goals can help reduce inner pain and depression.


Think about goals you might have to reduce your inner pain and work toward a positive well-being. This may include something like exercising three times a week or working on your resume to work toward the larger goal of finding a new job.
Think of career opportunities, relationship goals, and personal activity goals (such as travel).
 When some people experience emotional pain, they develop coping skills to help reduce the negative emotions they feel. If you discuss what you’ve already tried, the other person may be able to help you think of or identify alternative ways of coping with inner pain that you haven’t tried or thought of yet.


Analyze your behaviors with the other person. Do you use ways of coping that are harmful, such as using drugs or alcohol to dull emotional pain? Ask the person to help you come up with alternative coping skills that might be healthier in the long-run such as exercise and deep breathing exercises.
 Once you have told the person about your story and your inner pain, you can choose to elicit feedback or advice.


Question if the person has any thoughts or response to what you’ve said.
Ask the person what she would do in a similar situation.
Ask the person for possible coping strategies. Request that the person teach them to you if you do not know how to do them.
 It can a draining process to listen to another person’s pain and help them develop a plan to reduce it. So, make sure that you thank the person for listening to you and helping you. If you do this it will increase the likelihood that she will want to help you in the future because she may feel appreciated.


Say, “Thanks so much for listening,” or, “I really appreciate your help.”
Discuss what you’d like to change.
Talk about what you’ve already tried.
Ask for feedback.
Express gratitude.
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