The journey to self acceptance and love begins with self knowledge. As an obese person, you may have had many changes in size and shape over your life, or you may have always been about the same size. You may have tried dieting and weight loss, confronted prejudice, loved or hated your own body, and confronted challenges with friends, family, coworkers, and romantic partners.


Reflect on your size throughout your life as well as times when you perhaps lost or gained a significant amount of weight.;
, Do your family members have a similar body size as you? Your weight could be attributable to your genetics. While there are some families whose members are mostly small, many others come from families whose members have higher body mass indexes. In embracing your own weight, it can be very helpful to similarly affirm and accept the body size of your family members. Loving yourself is entangled with loving them, too.
 Before you can properly begin goal setting, you should think about where you are at the moment. You may have been told in the past that you can't be fat and healthy, that your goal should be weight loss and nothing else, or that being fat is your fault. Doctors may have ignored your health concerns and told you that losing weight would solve the problem. Don't accept those comments! Obesity can sometimes be beyond our control, and diet and exercise won't change our size, as is often that case depending on the kinds of medications you may be taking or any health conditions you have.


Often times, taking any medicines that are steroid based can cause weight gain. One medical condition that can also cause obesity is hypothyroidism., Often times, feelings of anger, depression, or denial can arise if you are unhappy with your size. One way to begin resolving these issues is to seek community with those who are fat positive and who embrace obesity. There are many communities that you can seek out, whether online or in person.


One such community is Abundia, which holds a yearly retreat for women of size to foster fat positivity. Another online community is NOLOSE for those who identify as fat and LGBTQIA. , An eating disorder is a serious condition that affects the obese and the slim indiscriminately. Doctors often ignore eating disorders in fat people and instead praise weight loss and encourage unhealthy eating habits. If you think you may have an eating disorder, look for support. Ask fat-positive community members for references to find an understanding health professional.


Seek out the help of a therapist if your emotions surrounding your weight begin to feel overwhelming. There is no stigma in seeking help if you need it and there are many therapists trained to help their patients work through body issues and develop self acceptance and confidence.
 Ask questions before seeing a doctor to gauge their competence with obese patients. Get a full check-up and find out what health factors you need to watch out for, and how you can improve your health and reduce your risk of disease outside of weight loss.


Some questions you can ask are “Apart from weight loss, what can I do to improve my health?” or “do you have experience working with obese patients who do not want to lose weight?” You can also take recommendations from obese friends in regards to their primary physician.
 If you feel that you were not given a job or any other opportunity simply because of your weight, you should report this to your HR department or to the highest possible authority at your place of employment. If this does not produce the justice you desire, you can also seek legal counsel. Many law firms or organizations, like the American Civil Liberties Union, will represent you free of charge if they decide to pick up your case.


Of course, fighting against injustice can be tiring and you may prefer to just avoid such situations--if this is your outlook, then the fat-positive online community may be able to help you find support and safer spaces.
 Diets fail because the goals are often unrealistic. Try to improve your health by eating more fruits and vegetables, eating a balanced diet, avoiding foods that make you feel sick, and getting regular exercise (both aerobic and strength training). If you lose weight, don't think of it as a "point" or a "win," just a side effect of what you're doing that is value-neutral.


Don’t get caught up in dieting fads, like eating no carbs or going on juice diets. These diets are often unhealthy and will often result in immediate weight loss, but when stopped, most tend to gain this weight back.
Seek out a nutrition or personal trainer to help you with your goals. Food restrictions, health conditions or disabilities can often make achieving your goals more difficult, so find help if necessary.
 This philosophy challenges the idea that health necessarily means losing weight and being thin. HAES bloggers and online community members can provide suggestions on exercising while fat, staying healthy, and finding support in your area.
 What is your current weight? Evaluate how you feel about your body right now. Consider the emotions that arise when you think about your body. Are there things you love and/or about your body? Make a note of any negative feelings, and recognize that they are valid and you can get past them in time.


Write down any feelings you have in considering these questions. It can often be cathartic to take some time to truly reflect on your weight from a variety of angles and writing down your thoughts can be helpful in this process.
Think about how those negative feelings might be linked to the lessons you've learned about obesity in school, at home, at work, or from the media.
 Often times, we can allow ourselves to become so fixated with our weight that we neglect the other and perhaps more important parts of ourselves. Set goals for yourself that have nothing to do with your physical health. Take time to develop yourself more as a person which will allow for a deeper sense of self appreciation and joy to grow.


Consider setting goals like reading one book per month, calling your grandmother once per week, or volunteering at a local soup kitchen.
 Look for fat role models and images of beautiful people who look like you, or share physical characteristics with you. One model who has been an inspiration to many is Ashley Graham, who is both full figured and beautiful.


Adopt body positive mantras. A few are “thick thighs save lives” and “Fat is beautiful.”

, Think about the things your body can do--for example, you may enjoy sports, the arts, yoga, or dance. Often, when the media depicts obesity, it is from the perspective of limitation or hindrance. Begin thinking instead of the ways in which your body is incredible.


Look for books or DVDs about hobbies that you enjoy that are geared towards fat people. Start to think of fatness in a positive or neutral way, rather than negatively.
If you've felt cut off from these kinds of hobbies because of your weight, but are interested in them, look for friends who might want to continue this hobby with you.
 If someone calls you fat, start something like “Great observation! How long did it take you to deduce that, Sherlock?" Or, if someone congratulates you for weight loss, challenge their assumption that losing weight is positive.
 You will feel beautiful, powerful, and strong when you wear clothes that you like and that fit your body well. There is a huge community dedicated to "fashion" and finding great clothes for fat bodies. If you're into fashion, consider following some fashion blogs online to build a fat-positive self image or creating your own.


Don’t shy away from taking fashion risks. Wanna wear a crop top? Go for it. Love that new two piece you found that’s on sale? Buy it and rock it at the pool. Challenge that notion that showing skin is a practice only for slim people.
 There exists so much negativity in society about fatness and obesity that it can be difficult to find people who are positive, kind, and affirming. However, you do have the ability to choose your friends. Surround yourself with people who think you are beautiful!

, There are certain negative people who may be be impossible to avoid, like family or coworkers. Show them kindness even if they are rude to you and show them your beauty even if they show you ugliness. It may be helpful to also confront those who are rude to you in a way that is assertive yet concerned.


You might say something to an uncle who picks on your weight like “I’ve noticed that you often say very hurtful things to me about my body, and I’ve always wondered why? I know that you love me, but sometimes your words don’t show it and it makes me want to come around family a bit less when I know that you will be there.”
If you confront someone in a way that is heartfelt, you will often find that they will be subsequently less likely to say mean things to you in the future.
Reflect on the history of your weight.
Assess your family history.
Recognize that obesity can sometimes be beyond your control.
Seek a supportive community.
Address eating disorders.
Find supportive doctors.
Refuse to accept size discrimination.
Make overall health your goal, not weight loss.
Look for resources on "Health at Every Size" (HAES).
Take a current body inventory.
Develop goals beyond your weight.
Bring fat-positive images and words into your life.
Develop a strengths based approach to your body.
Develop clever comebacks to insults.
Find clothes that flatter your figure.
Surround yourself with positive people.
Respond to negativity kindly yet assertively.
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