Your autistic child will develop at their own pace. You don't need to feel bad for your child being behind—it doesn't mean that you're failing at being a parent, or that they're failing childhood. It means they're autistic.


Your child may develop some skills early. This is great! Praise them, and encourage them to use these skills too.
 Dispel "what-ifs" about the non-autistic child you could have had, and stop focusing so much on the child you might have. You have a child here with you right now. They love you, and want to know that you love them too, and that you're proud of them.


Work on realistic goals, such as "Get Kaelyn to use AAC" or "Teach her to say yes and no." Focus on where your child is now, and what they can do next. Save goals like "Consider Kaelyn's job prospects" for when your child is old enough.
Mourning a non-existent child can be hard on the disabled child you already have., This can help you and your child envision what life will be like when you're older, and autistic adults can offer tips about what did and didn't help when they were younger.


This is especially important if you are worried about your child's future. It's helpful to see autistic adults doing well, so you know that your child can have the same.
It's also helpful for your child to see other people who are like them.
 Compliance-based therapies, especially ones focused on making children look "normal," can do a lot of damage,and make a nonviolent child start lashing out.Let your child fidget, avoid eye contact, and stay comfortable. You might find a big improvement in mood.
 Turn off the TV if you notice a fearmongering ad comparing autism to deadly diseases. Stay away from Autism Speaks events. Keep your child away from people who say that autistic children are burdens that should be made normal or shouldn't exist. This type of rhetoric is toxic both to you and your child.
 Your child doesn't need to spend their childhood trying to blend in with everyone else. It's okay if they have quirky movements, use AAC instead of speech, or likes to chew on chew toys.There's no need to try to change your child's every movement, and both of you will end up frustrated and exhausted.


In general, if a quirk isn't hurting anyone, let it be.
If it is causing harm (e.g. self-injuring, disrupting a class, destroying things), then you can work on it.
 Even if it doesn't look like it, your child can hear what they are saying (unless they are literally deaf). Be mindful of your words while they are in earshot. Remember to discuss their positive traits as well as their weaknesses, celebrate their victories (even if they don't happen according to the developmental timeline), and show them that you're proud of them. If they fall into the trap of self hate, be supportive to them, and consider counseling.
 Childhood should have time for fun, so don't give in to the pressure to make your child work hard for long hours every day. Your child needs plenty of down time,and it's no fun to live with a child who is exhausted from 20+ hours of grueling therapy per week. Let them have self-directed play each day, even if their play looks odd to you.


See if your child likes a form of exercise, like walking, swimming, or playing catch with siblings., It's no fun to focus only on weaknesses. Praise what your child does well, and encourage them to work on the things they like and are good at.


Your child's special interests are a good place to start. Encourage them to learn about their favorite subjects, and work at skills involved (reading, bug catching, playing music, et cetera).
Throw out the developmental calendars.
Focus on the child you have now.
Meet some autistic adults with your child.
Quit compliance therapies.
Shield your child from anti-autism voices.
Allow a little weirdness.
Encourage your child's self esteem.
Let your child play.
Celebrate your child's strengths and abilities.
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