Female-perpetrated family violence is a difficult phenomenon to understand, as it does not easily conform to normative, gendered expectations of women. However, women can sometimes perpetrate family violence against their children and spouses. The aim of this study is to describe and make visible women's experiences of perpetrating family violence. Nineteen women were interviewed about their experiences of perpetrating family violence. The data were analysed with an inductive content analysis and three categories emerged: the threat of losing the sense of self, acknowledging harming behaviour and challenges in obtaining help. These categories describe women's conception of self, of their feminine identity and of gender role expectations in a family violence perpetrator context. If female-perpetrated family violence were acknowledged as a part of women's behaviour this would reflect a shift in society's notions of gender roles. Results of the study may be used by nurses when encountering women who have perpetrated family violence or in the development of nursing policies aimed at enhancing the wellbeing of the family.