This article explores pre-school reform and shifting norms of parenthood in Singapore. Whereas current education reforms in many Western countries focus on improving academic performance, pre-school reform in Singapore de-emphasises academic learning and urges parents to adopt 'relaxed' parenting practices. Analysing the position of parents in this process, we show, however, that the outcomes of this reform project are highly ambivalent. Reform makers view parents' mindset as the main obstacle to reform, while parents experience pre-school reform itself as prompting inconsistent messages. To account for the disorientation that this creates among parents, we draw on Bateson's concept of double bind. (C) 2016 John Wiley & Sons Ltd and National Children's Bureau