I'm not saying I haven't fucked before—

I've yelled, screamed, broken windows and bones

with no beginning or end, skin on top of skin

But in our darkest of darks, there was no fumbling

Sweat slipped onto my forehead, onto yours, onto the ground, back onto me

Everything was where it should have been, nothing out of place or missing

Your hand found mine in between tears and I

could have sworn our lungs had tied themselves together

letting out one single breath

over

and over

and over

I'm not saying I knew what was happening

"I wish we had a bed"

"I wish we had a house"

"I wish we had a boat"

"I wish we had forever"

I'm not saying it was the right choice or the right time or the right way

but I stopped believing in god the minute your whisper hit my eardrum

Canyons and valleys, we could hike that cliff alongside each other

Don't you remember what we promised?

I'm not saying there wasn't a mess

that you don't haunt that ground

sacred ground, holy ground, holy shit

I mapped out the veins in your hand

and traced them to your city