What you are about to hear will cuddle you from the inside.

Hello and welcome to the Kakos Industries Corporate Shareholder Announcements. My name is Corin Deeth III, and I am your humble host and CEO. Shareholders, I have bad news… hahaha, I bet I got you for a minute there. I bet you started to think the worst. That something had gone wrong since you last heard from me, like another kidnapping or war or something. Well, something has gone wrong. I have a little bit of a sunburn on my forehead. Apparently, when you sweat, your sunblock runs. Just how did I get sunburned, you might be asking yourself. Well, after the last couple months we've had here at Kakos Industries, I felt it was time for a break, so I moved the entire staff to our vacation location on the beaches of Kakos Island. Where is Kakos Island? Well, I was surprised to find out that the official answer is "Yes." That's right, the official answer from the officials here at Kakos Industries to the question starting with the word "where" is "Yes." They could have made it "Fuck you", but I guess they weren't feeling quite that friendly. Could have been "classified." Instead, it says "Yes, The Ocean, Earth?" With a question mark. The Division of Hiding and Seeking are a bunch of assholes, and everyone knows it. Kakos Island does have some year round staff, but there are also stations in the building here for most of our staff from the main branch. I singled out all of the people I could remember for sure were not on our side of the battle, and also a few people who would really ruin the mood of our island vacation. They had to stay at the main branch. Also the people working on location specific projects. The rest of us get to split our time doing massive amounts of Evil, and hanging out on the beach. It's work, yes, but the change of scenery is nice. The Exectopode are enjoying their time in the water. I am told that Brosephus has the intention of teaching me to surf while we're here. If I understand correctly, he's having someone teach him right now. Then he will teach me those skills. Maybe we should focus on something he already knows. It's not that important. Soundman Steven is here as always. Sometimes I think he takes the broadcasts more seriously than I do, and they are not a mandatory part of his job description. He's shaking his head. I guess these announcements are a part of his job description after all. He's dressed for the vacation here, wearing a pair of colorful board shorts that are doing nothing to restrain the erection he developed when we set up the studio years ago. Still as firm as ever, Soundman? He's nodding yes. You know, I haven't thought about this before, but is there any chance that this is a medical condition, Soundman? Should we be worried about this erection that has lasted so long? He's shrugging. With a slightly worried look on his face. How about a friend? Do we need to get you a friend? I apologize for not asking sooner. He's shaking his head no. Shareholders, it seems that his only love is The Sound. In other news, I've seen Kimmie just sort of lying in the sand on the beach, no towel, half a bikini, and the tide threatening to take her away at any time. She'll… she'll snap out of it.

This broadcast is coming to your from our partners at Tropical Telephonics and their patented Plantain Phone. Ring Ring Ring, It's Plantain Phone! Hopefully, you answered the call. It's really the only way you would be hearing this broadcast. I don't have too many technical details here, but this should sound much better than your average phone call. And it probably won't drive you to insanity. Tip you towards insanity, perhaps. No driving though. We checked to make sure. If this call is not for you, for example, if you're not a shareholder, you should hang up the Plantain Phone. Otherwise, you may begin to experience some auditory hallucinations. Our shareholders are not immune to these auditory hallucinations, they're just used to them. There are some benefits of knowing the darkness.

The theme for this year's Agriculture Festival was Tubers. As you remember, last year Galacton imports merely challenged their own victorious plant from the year before. This year, it seems that a number of companies decided to challenge them, even in the face of certain defeat. We set a tuber theme hoping that it would narrow down what was allowed, and give more companies a fighting chance. What we didn't realize at the time was that most of the competition would happen underground. You were given a specialized television tuner that allowed you watch the festival. We had numerous cameras set in