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My Life Coach ruins my Christmas party, a SECRET SKETCH from Sam Hyde, the Jerk-Off Time Warp, the drive to pee outside, thinking like a hot chick, crossing guards, lady-dentists and why they are out to get you, Tequila, how to ruin a Ted Talk, Charity Regret, eliminating all prisons, The Apple Society and The Unix Society, and Sean gets a raise; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Welcome to The Dick Show: the only podcast featuring the audio stylings of Sean the Audio Engineer! And it's just in time because the stakes have never been higher! The comedy police are out in force with their neck beards groomed and their think-pieces at the ready, virtue signalling harder than they've ever joked in their lives to ruin the career of one man–and it isn't me this week! World Peace itself is on the line and Sam Hyde from Million Dollar Extreme calls in to talk about it, but first…

Throwing a holiday party can be stressful. Did I get enough liquor for everyone? Did I get the right kind of food for everyone? Does the grill have propane? Did I invite the neighbors and then tell them no kids allowed so they won't come, but also won't call the cops when the party goes long? Did I invite too many single guys who are going to start wrestling and playing slap dick and pissing outside when it gets late and they realize there's no "strange" at the party to impress? Did I hide all the sex toys? Did I extra hide the already hidden sex toys? Is my Life Coach going to start an altercation with a convicted murderer by hitting on his wife? Whoops! It turns out I forgot to check the last one off my list and true to form, Coach causes trouble in the DickHaus that is as of yet unresolved.

Speaking of murderous vendettas, Larry Bleidner stops to talk about lady dentists, and I don't want to sound like a sexist, but I'm terrified of them. I have had not one, but two lady dentists tell me that I didn't need more Novicane and that I "must be imagining the pain". I've also had not one but every girl I've ever dated tell me the same thing about needing more beer. The pain is real. Why would I make this up? Larry also introduces his new podcast, That Larry Show, where it's all velvet all the time. If you want to hear about Charlie Brown's assisted suicide, fire up your clicker and mouse your way over.

Infamous comedian Sam Hyde calls in to talk Million Dollar Extreme and the cancellation of their Adult Swim show "MDE: World Peace". For those of you who don't know Sam, don't bother Googling him because you'll just read a bunch of scumbag think-pieces about misogyny and racism written by morons who check under their bed every night for the "alt-right". Instead of reading like a nerd, watch this video where Sam infiltrates a Ted Talk.


And here he is butt-fucking a Buzzfeed reporter without consent. If you feel bad for the reporter, don't. They only call to get quotes to fill in the blanks of their pre-written, click-bait hit-pieces. Their job is to end yours.


Finally, here's a clip from "Million Dollar Extreme: World Peace" about bullying.


If you want to help get World Peace back on the air, call Turner Broadcasting or check out the MDE subbreddit.

In perhaps his funniest bit, Asterios sends us "Letters from Sean", a Ken Burns style set of correspondence from Sean whilst he was away reenacting famous World War II events like the Battle of Verdun, The St. Valentine's Day Massacre, and Waterloo. While I may know my history, what I don't know just who is this angelic siren Asterios has roped into his shit-nanigans. Perhaps we'll find out on the next bonus episode featuring the Boisterous Coconut himself. Or maybe Asterios will keep her all to himself like a shitty Wario.


Finally, Izzy Nobre is back as the undefeated champion of the Rage Match, but will the champion be unseated? Only Chronic Apathy has the chance and only you have the vote!

Closing theme that you can crawl into and never crawl out of by therm0ptic


The final acts of a desperate thumbnail brought to you by Brandon of Maximum! Panic. Watch him draw live every week.


Several of Brandon's designs (which he gets a cut of) are also now featured on the Dick Store.

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