There is ranting, foul language, triggering conversation about bodies and sexual violence, and various manners of voodoo and black magic in this blog post. Consider yourself warned.

Victim blaming. The idea that a victim has culpability in being victimized. Hold on to that definition for a minute.

We'd been sitting on the phone for a little over an hour, at this point. I laid sprawled out across my bed, nail file in hand, beaten-up cell phone attached to my face, listening to him talk. I'm not entirely sure what I thought he might be doing on the other end of the phone, but I remember the point where I legitimately stopped "half-listening" and had to sit up, anxiety overpowering my obsessive desire for perfectly straight nails.

"I mean, it's hard to say it, but I've been raped before."

"Wait, what?" There was a long pause before I could finish. "What happened?"

Apparently, as a basketball player in school, he went home with one of his team mates to spend the night at his house instead of going home. That night, sleeping on the couch, he woke up to find a woman – his friend's mother – on top of him, taking advantage of the fact that he'd developed an erection in his sleep. He was terrified, confused, and – I could tell – crushed: this was his "first time."

He never told his mother. She'd never understand. Men don't get raped. Men do the raping, right? She'd simply tell him to never speak of it again… so he figured he'd get a jump start on that and not speak on it at all. This left him with countless misunderstanding about masculinity, his place in society, and whether or not he should trust his own body. It led him to misunderstand what "signals" are and what part of himself allowed this to happen.

He was a kid who got a hard-on in his sleep. That's it.

As I recall this unfortunate story, I sit here, right now, with my jaw completely and totally in my hands. I am dumbfounded.

Across my screen flew this link, and I immediately felt anxiety all across my chest, my arms and down my spine.

A few…quotes… of… interest:

It seems as if the considerable push back again victim-blaming has pushed all the way past prudence and levelheadedness, making anyone who suggests that "women can actually be taught how to behave too" insensitive or a "rape enabler."

…as the article continues, and lines such as "Consent can be withdrawn by the words "no "or "stop" and in many states, a woman doesn't have to say no at all. Consumption of alcohol can prevent a woman from being able to legally offer consent" begin to seep in, the tone seems to shift from "men need to take full responsibility for their actions" to "men need to take full responsibility for their actions…and women have carte blance to act as recklessly and stupidly around men as possible without any trace of accountability." and I just can't agree anymore.

Sparkling little beauties, those quotes.

I look at those quotes, and I am astounded by the naivete they display.

People far more eloquent than myself have commented on the foolishness of telling victims (and potential victims) that they have some culpability in their ability to be victimized. I'd be a fool to re-mow that neatly manicured lawn.

However, I think we need to fully understand what the world looks like in a space where it is acceptable to tell people that they can protect themselves from being raped. It's easy to talk about the immediate consequences of a society that thinks that women invite attack by "dressing like sluts" or by "drinking too much" (and yes, I am saying "women" on purpose, despite the story above) and how wrong-headed that thinking is, but what does the world look like when you are told to live in constant fear of being victimized?

You know what it looks like? It looks like young girls, suffering from the advances of grown men who should know and be encouraged to do better, who carry their books across their chest because their breasts attract too much attention. It looks like Mothers of young girls, buying their pre-teen and teenaged daughters giant sweaters to wear to try to hide their breasts, because they "know the boys will stare." And, right now, as someone says, "Of course they will stare!" I have to wonder – do we even bother to tell our boys (and, hell, grown men, too) how wrong that is? That no, it is not simply "hormones" and "natural urges" to gawk at and objectify a young