"It can't be easy, that's all I'm saying…", And Kate wants to yell it out, that of course it isn't easy, that that much should be obvious. She wants to howler at the one who presents herself as her friend, and she wants to kick and scream; She wants to foam at the mouth, and she wants her reply to be sharp.


But of course Kate knows that she would never do any of those things. It's just isn't how she was raised. Besides it's Max that's talking to her, and Max doesn't deserve any of her rage.


A lot can be said for the plastic smiles and little snarky comments that Kate has fallen victim to lately, she feels - herself - in part guilty for what happened. How can she not? It was her decision, and it was her drink and - no matter what happened, no matter if she was tricked into going with a false pretense or not, she still went. And no matter how many times Max tells her it wasn't her fault she can't quite believe it.


Maybe it's punishment for her feelings. Divine intervention in a way? Kate doesn't know if she should cry or yell out. She's confused. Everything in her mind is fuzzy, has been for so long now. Ever since she met Max that first day.


Not that she can't separate what she feels, from how she should feel, it's just hard - harder than it should be - and she has more pressing issues in her mind. And she can't quite push herself to yell at Max, or at anyone really. She's just defeated, pushed and abused and tired. All the things her mother and family warned her about and yet -


It truly is hard to be a philistine, to be able to enjoy the delicate curves in the nape of Max's neck, or the way her eyes glitter when she smiles, or even the way there's this slight hesitation, how her mouth slowly curves upwards, before she speaks. If there's something Kate truly appreciates about her object of desire, about the one that she met in that ill fated day, is that she's always positive. Like a Proton, not that Kate has always paid much attention to science class but she knows that Max is like one. She never seems to doubt, question, or give up. Like she's lived through stuff a thousand times and she knows what she's doing.


Kate is just about to go into how she would like to know what she, herself is doing with her life; How she'd like a plan, a guide to follow that's not the one her family brought upon her - because that one has been failed, so so hard - When Max speaks.

It takes her a moment to catch on all the levity on Max's voice. The way she half shrugs and does her best to make her feel better. It comes naturally to her. Not an edge to her voice, not one ounce of tension. It's like she practiced this moment over and over. Kate would really know how she's able to do it so easily.


Maybe it isn't easy, but that just how it seems to her. Max is practically perfect at this stuff, but then what is Max not good at?


"Hello, earth to Kate, are you ok?" , Again, the same question, just more directly asked . It has never been easy being her, and no, she's not ok. But she's sure that Max can't do much more than she did to help her. And why bother pointing it out? She's probably only running on her good will.

Kate attempts to smile. Attempts being the key word there, she isn't quite sure if she succeeds, wh a t with every single doubt in her he ad multiplied tenfold. She isn't sure if Max buys it or not, but, as much as she wishes to be able to pass all her doubts as momentary, little chimps in her armor, she isn't all that sure that is possible.

She has read the messages, straight from her family. She knows what people think of her. Heck she knows her reputation, and what every action and word she has ever said has been invalidated, like it's purely a front.


And then Max touches her. Kate can't help it, she recoils at the contact. What is wrong with her? Why can't she even be touched by the one she dares call a friend without retreating into herself? How can she prove to Max she's fine like that? Hands caressing her cross like it is the only thing she still has as a base, tears that insist on creeping into her eyes, smile that rings untrue?

Max, blessed might she be, understands her mistake and too, retreats. Pushing herself away from Kate, leaving her wondering if this is it, if Max is giving