Wait wait wait, you think Lucy V and Kelley Scarlett are fat??  you must have brain damage, which explains your shitty post


Nothing really. I think some people were like "wow, what a dick" but then people heard that he didn't even start the rumor. He just didn't stop it. Then eventually everybody went back to their normal selves.


mrekted I gotta warn you many of the numbers posted below have been *voted down to 0*. When I voted my age it brought it up to 1, though there are two of us at that age.

You'll have to discount downvotes if you want this to be accurate.

EDIT: What gives? Are we *meant* to be voting down ages which we do not like or something?


So, just super sexy and happy?


Not at all, I'm leaving work as we speak. Going to go home and then to the gym then back home to shower and maybe play a little MW2 or something.

More fun tomorrow.


Yes.  Also change your birthday because they have that as well.


No one gives a shit about this little shit story.


Dad, we're men. That means a few things - we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky.


Wow that's a dumb reason


> A 15 year old girl is practically a woman

I could have used you on my jury


nah, you aint straight, no straight man would ever want anything up his ass

the thought of that SHOULD make any straight man CRINGE


I have a sneaking suspicion she isn't much of a catch herself if her bf has such awful hygiene.


Fuck saying "indoctrination" in a menacing way. We've all had atheism indoctrinated on us in the sense that we learned and were taught that there probably is not a Christian God. We skew it into something evil Christians do exclusively -- it's not.


Hell, I'm 27 and this is still a problem for me at high school dances.


You obviously know nothing of running your own business. Call BS on whatever you please. You're just a kid on the Internet who knows nothing.


Information Technology?


You can also skip down to the controversies section where you can read about what an asshole he is.


Every so often though, somebody phones in a sighting of him being ridden by Tupac in South America.


I down voted you because once it gets past 10 down votes it becomes the cool thing to do.


In high school, there was a dance. This was my very first high school dance. The boy I had a crush on decided to ask me with a bouquet of vegetables because he thought it was cool I was in a wheelchair.


I think in general that is pretty much spot on...


Yeah seriously, that guy sounded trashy as hell


He was! He was a gamer till the very end - I snuck his DS in for him at the hospital! He was a huge Diablo fan and it's a shame that he didn't live to see D3; though, looking at how the game's turned out I'm not sure if that's such a bad thing.


"Money can't buy you happiness, but at least you can be miserable in comfort." Granny


I would.

Makes no difference if he is a cop, or any other uniformed government employee.

His personal religious choice is not justification to break uniform standards. If he is unable to separate duty from faith, then he should choose what is more important to him.


Good Guy Santorum: QUITS.


Idea:  Let's go to work and earn our pay, get to keep it, and spend it on things that we need and want without government interference.

Edit:  That's right, downvote and fear this idea.  Hypocrites.  :-)


Oh I'm just imagining the headlines when this happens.


That was the point.  Apparently, your sarcasm detection skills are lacking.


Every time I watch that scene: http://i.imgur.com/0wNZH.jpg


Asians with white girls troll link

edit: Come on!

edit2:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u613pJSLcfk

edit3: http://www.celebbeach.com/Katy%20Perry.htm


Not uh, I'm right here.


You like watching terrible shows, that's your issue buddy


Because its okay to be racist when talking about white people.


How about go fuck yourself?


Now you're on Reddit.


How is that sad?! I would kill to have skin like that.


He said melted cheese, not cum


>It's combat. Fight accordingly.

You and your entitlement attitude are going to lose. The taxpayers of WI have had enough. Continue to protest in Madison and /r/politics - we are waiting for a cogent alternative to solve the 2.7 billion dollar budget shortfall.


I wonder what percentage of George's lines were scripted with exclamation marks.  It has to be Way higher than the others.


dude seriously, shut the fuck up.
you comment way too much if someone can recognise you on a website and be pissed off at you, when there are millions of users.

*awaits apostolate's overly-sensitive fangirl club/apostolate's 100 throwaway downvoting accounts for all that oppose him, when in reality we just want him to leave his house and see the sun-light for once.


...why do you have a word for that?


Did the big guy touch the little guy?  Pretty sure you can't go around face kicking people for taunting you and standing too close.


Well, spoilers. Now I know that I'm going to get a sex change in the future.


I know. If I was going to post it here I should have blurred things out but I was too lazy to.


Office work just went from endless reddit to prison cell in 30 seconds...


You write like a faggot.


Can't stress this enough. Don't let him win.

Live for us, please.


Incredibly demanded and precious time. Hmm. Not sure you really understand the reality of where those guys are at in their careers right now. Sure they're all awesome and I love them, but they've got time to browse Reddit, trust me.


Yes, [this scene.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8bIEk58LzI#t=21)

It makes me sad when a bro confuses 300 for anything else.


If you want the relationship to go somewhere, I wouldn't do this. It all comes down to trusting her with your password. If you guys have a good relationship, you can get past what the password is by changing it later, instead of lying to her. Trusting her with the password I think is the bigger issue.


Some sort of system with arrows maybe? Maybe up arrows could move the post higher in the page. I don't know just an idea...


let the anger go man.


"Pineapple."

"Yo, man. If you keep using the code word it won't have any meaning."

"NO, PINEAPPLE!"

"PINEAPPLE!!"


Boo hoo you hurt my feelings so badly with your eloquently stated wisdom, how will I ever compare to a genius like you :(((


Well that escalated quickly. I feel like I'm on the weird part of Craigslist.


Name 2 cliches from my story?


I DID NOT EXPECT TO SEE MY PROFESSOR ON REDDIT.


Don't forget to pack your steroids.  It's too bad that it's illegal now.


Which reveals an entry to a room filled to the brim with Yu-Gi-Oh cards.


As a former Petsmart employee, thank you.


That's what he gave them.


Downvoted for not contributing to any form of useful discussion.


I interviewed a man we knew was wanted in Phoenix. We had the Subpoena, we confronted him about it, and he lied, and they brought me the subpoena and we confronted him. I didn't like that though, we embarrassed him on TV. For the life of me I can't remember his name.


Bawling because he played like dog shit I hope.


I can't even fathom the coordination that goes into this.


Wow.  I got downvoted right quick for some inexplicable arbitrary mysterious reason.

And sorry about your unfortunate ethnic sitch.


Don't even plant the fucking idea. At all. Shut your mouth.


Actually I'm good, one of my comments did really well. I will end today with more karma.


Cut, get cut. Such is life at McDonalds.


Can you show me a single person on planet earth that ever got fat eating fruit?


When Comcast won't listen, you go Momcast.


A single mother refers to a woman who has a child with a man she is not with. Whether she is married to me or not doesn't change the fact she is a single mother.


Draw me like one of your potatoe clouds


Up voting for the subtle assholery


That barber clearly did not know who he was speaking with. It's a good thing Mr. Inouye seemed like he was in a good mood that day or there might not be an Oakland at all today.


I haven't used it in weeks...I want my knife to be my top weapon.

But coming from me, even I don't want this.


"Look at this magnificent penis. Want to pet it?... No? Too bad!"


LmAo iiiiiii HaTe ThAt **KfC LoViiiiiiiiiiNg And WaTeRmElOn LoViiiiiiiNg tV StEaliiiiiinG AcToR NiiiIiiiiiiiiiGgeR !**


Yeah, got TEN WHOLE DOLLARS! for gas money. It was a 3.5 hour drive, there and back. Oh, and breakfast and lunch.


How in the world our inept fucking government thinks it's a good idea to import television sets from China that spy on American citizens inside their homes just simply amazes me.

Time to prune the tree of liberty and find new guards for the defense of our liberties. This government must go the way of the Redcoats.


TL;DR HS guidance councilor mind-fucked you into getting into an amazing school.


ha wow hey can someone get me some reddit gold ;0p


I'm just hoping it's not in A minor.


Your GF was "cheating" through GW but you were ok as you only *frequented* it?

Either that's a Holy Double Standards Batman or you left something important out.


I'm so mad this made me laugh.


Shitty joke or fully retard, I cant tell which Im reading.


I JUST SAW A VIDEO OF BIRDS THAT HUNT WOLVES. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK


Have you ever been drunk before?

Everything that is bad suddenly becomes the most cool thing to do ever!

Edit: Wow AskReddit, you are a bunch of inexperienced children basing this argument on opinion aren't you? Count yourself unsubscribed.


I've had a knife pulled on me two times and used the "run away method" on both occasions, and was able to avoid being stabbed.

Run away, it works.


I saw it more as a super lucky coincidence. Tapping the snake on the head was infinitely bad ass however.


Why was I actually expecting real bears


exactly. it takes a hella noobish ass faggot to not know about this already... smh.


The whole "dad cleaning the shotgun" thing is so ridiculous. You're going to shoot the guy that your daughter likes? Really? No, you're not.


I am a brony who has not lived a sheltered or privileged life.

...Which is why I would never do a presentation on ponies. [](/ppshrug)


"I didn't choose the thug life; the thug life chose me."


It's on Netflix. Thanks us later


My autistic little sister made this, thought reddit might like it.


Haha I just downvoted this post just for the hell of it.

Also OP you are a fag.


Literally?^^Please?^imsolonely


whatever, I'm not going to put much effort into defending them.

Wow my most downvotes ever! My point was that I'm not going to feel too bad for the guys who trashed a building, whether it's 100k or 450k. So, I was just trying to better understand the disagreement on paying for it, not defend the people who did it.


it's like *Cash Cab* without the cash and the cab!


I could give Ohio State shit about much, much more...but I chose to just keep it relevant to the article ;)


Usually, washing machines are like women.
You pay just before their cycle starts.


I also went on to discuss in detail my points. I'm finding the idea that I'm blaming the victim a gross oversimplification of my point. It's easy to make things black and white, which is in large part what I was responding to in the first place.


but spiders have 8 eyes! surely one of them would be able to open the door!


I don't mean to sound condescending, but do you even know what condescending means?


No, it's inside Jabu-Jabu's belly.


I didn't notice right away. Most people just tossed them in their pockets like me. It was a camp overnight deal so I am curious how many people got fucked over by this... and how many babies came of that.


I think I understood what he meant, I just wanted to see those words stand alone


I SEE WHAT U DID THEAR


And you are suppose to reply, "No, do you play miniature golf?"


You don't sound like you have a firm grasp on what the majority of deniers think.  The holocaust obviously occurred. We all know that. We just think the numbers are skewed towards garnering jews favor when in fact WAY less Jews died than others. People think it was primarily Jews in concentration camps. Not true.


Only against black bears.


I wouldn't be so quick to judge. You try being married for any number of years with absolutely no disagreements. Just because this slice of the relationship looks bad doesn't mean the whole thing is. They could be the perfect couple, but the guy was having a bad day or something.


I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay with this as well.


thanks friend.  this is a great help to get me started.

yeah, all my comments on this thread got downvoted to oblivion.  lol.  i must have hurt the feelings of the reddit ham nazis.  you'd think i was on /r/atheism or /r/politics or something!  no wonder this hobby is dying off. :-(


Boredom + attractive woman = pubescent knight in shining roller skates


"Welcome to Richard's Sporting Goods"


Another comically overrated footballer for you. He scored a few screamers but then forgot about that defending thing.


Or maybe they didn't want mommy and daddy to find out about their extensive cum-guzzling exploits?


> all that matters is that they feel good about how they look.

You have discovered our secret! **Women of Reddit, what should we do to this interloper into our collective psyche?**


i wish i could get 28 upvotes just for typing a word. :(


You would have to find him first.  Not even Death could find the brother with the cloak.

Edit: My top comment is a Harry Potter reference.


Well, yea but you're other things too.


They aborted the wrong one.


oh sorry, i thought this was r/programming not r/beginners

there was nothing offensive in my post, i dont see a reason why people are so hurt - seems like all the downvotes come from people who have no idea about programming or computer in general

your downvotes just prove it - keep going =) i dont care


**"THAT'S NOT MICKEY MOUSE THAT'S JUST TIT DIRT"**


Leaving babies/defenseless kids unattended ANYWHERE in this entire world is utterly, mind-boggingly insane and unsafe.


The way I heard this phrased before was "From its beginning until today, the typical winner of the U.S. Open golf tournament has had an above average number of arms"


Is that her being boob'd?  lol


Theory: they all missed deliberately to lure out key elements of the rebel alliance. They nearly wiped out the rebels at hoth and on endor.


no

I'll not delete this and I will stand by my downvotes.  No, this person should not do an ama.  It would be maybe 3 questions long and consist of a single good story.  You have to be a complete moron to think that this is a good basis for an AMA.  These 38 or so people who downvoted me and upvoted narwolf represent the reason /r/ama sucks.

Edit: **Current bravery level: SO**


I was in prison on Rikers interviewing a mother and son convicted of killing someone. Sante Kimes and Kenny Kimes. The way the son looked at me, had I not been surrounded by guards, I think he would have kiled me.


That's the best. Seriously, that is *the* best thing I've seen in months on here. Put "I have [insert disease here]" in the title of your post, and everybody believes you, no matter if you have proof or not. Fuck this moronic website, bunch of goddamn lemmings.


The difference is, everyone would understand that one.


How to tell that nobody gives a flying fuck about karma ?

There's no way, they just don't.


> but shes not pregnit because i already am

this kind of logic gets you far in life.


No I told you that I wouldnt fight back and id let you do whatever you liked, but lordgaga deleted it


>but that's like half a Subway sub

Boy, that really puts things in perspective, doesn't it.


This is the one we upvote.


A+, would read again.


*pussies. You meant pussies.


Was there an awesome explosion that happened behind you when you said that, or was that just what I pictured?


Why would you do that, if I may ask?


"GATHER, GATHER! AN ATTACK ON THE GOOD TOWN OF MIAMI! A MAN DEVOURING ANOTHER'S FACE!"


It disappoints me that you so readily support this decision. This ruling is a clear violation of rights.


Bingo, Bango, Bongo I don't want to leave the Congo


Aaand this brings us to the Top 3.


She wanted to make sure she had a babysitter before she had the kid.


OHHHHH I GET IT! You're saying "so brave" in a sarcastic fashion because that a seemingly popular opinion of SJP's looks has been parodied in the form of a character in a game. You (and all of your circle jerking buddies of the similar mindset) are hilariously clever. I may go mentally insane from how clever you are. Bravo.

TL;DR - Shut up.


Does this guy know how to party or what?!


how do i get karma? its simple. i just repost


Carrots don't have eyes.


CORRECTION: GAY porn star

Its interesting that the stereotypical "gay" mustache is also the sterotypical "pedo" mustache.

Protip: its because pedophiles are usually gays because they are too afraid to find normal aged men to have sex with, but they know they can manipulate and intimidate little boys into doing what they want.


You should try heroin

^^^^^^don't ^^^^^^try ^^^^^^heroin


@Valve please take some f!@#ing notes.


That's the easy way out..


Then why are they so shit at winning wars


I'm all for it. What's the harm? As a rule Americans are a pleasure to deal with in bars. Once they realise that here we pay on delivery of the beer. Tabs etc are a rarity.


u didnt go on a date u fuckin liar

u stole this pic off the internet, ive seen it before

**kill yourself**

i fuckin hate liars and reposters, delete ur account and get off my reddit


"Creepy face, please."
"Why do I even ask people that any more? I always get the same answer."


What? It isn't tard to get on and post this a little faster.


so many faps...so many shameful mammaries...


yes, because if it's on the wiki, it must be true.


Do bears shit in the woods?


Please don't post off topic comments.


It's not gay if you're 5.


You would seriously be surprised at how frequently that is requested. Once a week, at the very least.


I would give you gold but I'm already giving enough to the IRS


Guys aren't into girls who dress like that. There is nothing attractive about a woman looking like Kurt Cobain.


Maybe she's losing them in hopes that you'll buy a pair that do more than barely keeping frostbite at bay.


yes please put this crap in [/r/aww](/r/aww) so my filters can catch it.


"What your opossum policy here?"


Yea but of those 5 commited on him, 5 were complete flops.

Dudes a serious flopper and literally has games where that's all he tries to do


the....fuck? I think this one takes the cake.


The show is lackluster at best.  It is not amazing.


today is my NIRL cakeday


Oh, I completely agree.  Please, downvote me to hell.  I downvoted myself.  Its just the rules of this account.


you must be pretty broke.


I did it to see how low it will get


Because thinking of having a penis as tongue is so much better.


r/funny it that'a way [->>](http://www.reddit.com/r/funny)


I all but had to join a support group when I played Farmville...money spent..tears shed..

Literally..cash crops.


One thing that I learned to do when I was on deployment was to be assertive.  I can assure you if we meet it's going to be truthfulness from me.  If you don't like it then we shouldn't be friends anyway.  I'd take a true "enemy" rather than a fake friend.  I respect when people tell me the truth, I actually thank someone who tells me they don't like what I do, at least you're being honest.


If this was 2010 and I was 13 I would strongly disagree with that statement


It's just a picture, everyone getting pissed about it not being mine, or lack of background information... That's just crazy to me what a big deal some of you are making of it. Go to bed, you need some sleep.


You just don't get to say "my job is worse than yours" when you volunteered for it. By all means, complain. But keep the condescending "waaaah, I'm in the military, my life is shit compared to yours" shit to yourself.


Who brought the weed?


Like I said, you're ridiculously overvaluing yourself.

Then again, most American women are.


I don't think lava burns are very forgiving on the penis.


That doesn't make you African-American

Edit: African-American refers to ethnic Africans living in the US. Particularly ["residents of the United States with total or partial **ancestry from any of the native populations of Sub-Saharan Africa**."](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/African_American). Theron is European, in particular Dutch/French. Not African.


Wow, that's terrible; I'm so sorry that someone gave you an iPad instead of a Transformer Prime.


I'm staying at my parents' house and my father and I are both on laptops on either side of the room. I'm supposed to be doing my coursework, he's supposedly doing his taxes. He says that verbatim all the time. I'm now wondering if we're both procrastinating on reddit.


why am i being downvoted? i'm the reddit detective...


Uh, a ten year old's curiosity trumps the police's competency 9 times out of ten.


Hold on: being PC is a load of crap, and there's a reason comedians hate being targeted for having edgy jokes.

"SJW" in general means "someone who enforces political correctness". Even if that "correctness" makes no sense. They tend to push the "medieval Europe had minorities and you need portray it as such" argument, and similar lunacy.


>Lonely nights make the best robots

That may be the most profound statement ever to grace an AMA.


Non-compliance is a capital offense?


Little do you know, you just terrified two big guys that love bird watching and pressing flowers.


Ok, broham, have fun looking like a complete tool!


my mom told me "if you are ever having sex on acid, with someone who is not on acid, try not to laugh too much."


hahaha hahahahaha casual racism HAHAHAHA


Apple's habit is to let other manufacturers make the early mistakes then swoop in later with a definitive solution.


Bitch, die in fucking hell for feeding a tyrannous empire. Hope a hajji motherfucker calls an airstrike on your kids and family.


This is the gayest thing I've read so far.


> fuck that, watching porn is nothing to be ashamed of.

It ain't something to be proud of either.

> And neither is smoking pot.

It ain't something to be proud of either.


Do you REALLY need an explanation?
Can you really not infer what's going on?
The droolers on this site asking for context and backstories for the most obvious situations is sickening. How do you manage to breathe?

Spoiler: The movie is a bad movie. Who woulda fucking thought. Stupid nigger risks.


They actually rowed backwards to block the other team.   this was deliberate.


So you too could master the intricate art of horribly butchering the English language?


Throw in rich and smart too. Now that's living.


Really? I feel secure now.


You either die the sequel, or live long enough to see yourself become the trilogy.


yeah, she really made getting rich seem pointless lol


French solution: surrender.


yes if you havent seen this you aren't a stoner


There's ointment for that.


Idk, I just saw it on tinder


This, and get into contact with some local biker groups, particularly the guys with loud straight piped Harley's.


Yeah. If I hate hypocritical laws, I'm stupid. You should downvote me too, since I'm stupid, and you're the wisest person on the planet.


So you just snort it?


eh, you're comment history suggests that what you're saying above is just lip service. if you really wanted to honor the man you should follow his teachings and learn some love and compassion for your fellow human beings.


'cus for a long time, we kept inventing the best weapons, so we could shoot the fuckers in large quantities, without ever having to speak to them.


What's with your short comments saying nothing? Karmawhoring? You've posted 20 times in this thread and said maybe three things. With your desperate cynic remarks you are like a little bee trying to ruin a picnic. Downvoted everything like a can of raid on your hive.


People do this stuff with fire apparatus too. We will be on the road going to a call, people will have all day to go or wait until the BIG RED FUCKING TRUCK WITH THE FLASHING BLINK BLINKS AND WOO- WOO'S passes. No they decide it's best to cross or turn 3 seconds before the truck gets to their spot.


No, this is a safe space. I suggest you acquaint yourself with the concept: http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Safe_space

You have  a lot to learn about "discussion".


It's a paradox, you only have money because there is no summer sale


When did i say he would rather have Diaby?  I was asking.  If you can't handle a simple question, don't bother posting on forums.


Did you mean a regular subscription to Comcast?


uh-oh I got two downvote brigades after me.


I think it gives them the right to invade Canada.


His shirt's fine faggot


Yes they know to a certain extent, they do not know how big it is or that I am on a T-Shirt


give me karma fuckers!!!


Seriously, the floor looks great compared to the spot she now lives in.


They did not get convicted for not declaring an earthquake is imminent. They were convicted for declaring that an earthquake is *not* imminent, when they in fact could not be sure of this.


Would you refuse your friends as customers?


Cause white people don't have culture?! AMIRITE XDDDDD

**Edit:** I knew this would receive downvotes, hilarious :D It's a joke, haha.


as a pedestrian who has been splashed by cars, I thank you. But then again, who knows? perhaps those two girls under the umbrella had done something horrible to that man.


HAHAHA WHY IS THIS UPVOTED SO MUCH FUCKING CHEERIOS EVERYWHERE


Must be stuck. Did you try turning him off and on again?


And you're forgetting that Islam mandates that a woman has only half the value of a man, that even in court proceedings it takes the testimony of two women to counter the testimony of one man. What is WRONG with you that you want to accept this evil philosophy.

Edit: Bury your head in the ground. That will make it not true. You are no different than the righties.


Even better, limbo under them.


Sorry but this is total bullshit. If your mother is REALLY convinced and steady in her belief she will spare NO EFFORTS to try to convert you. Because if she didn't, she'd knowlingly condemn you to an eternity in hell, because she is 100% sure that that is going to happen (in her belief).

So either this post is made up or your mum isn't as religious as you describe her to be.


Did your friend go into the design field and has he ever freelanced for the State of Florida's police department?


Their would be no upvotes for a bong already posted if it was someone unattractive to most ents


I'm not sure if there has ever been two comedic news shows as prominent and relevant. End of *the* era, seems more accurate.


If I made a joke about turning Labia into trophies I would be torn to shreds by feminists.


Related, and funny.

http://youtu.be/9Ah4tW-k8Ao

Edits yo: The show is called whites, a BBC comedy. I want to say that it may have been canceled, but I'm not sure.  :/

Another really good clip though,
http://youtu.be/lN4V_tgXuNY


Typical from this sub, no criticism allowed. Professional photographers really deserve the reputation they get.


> two of the female characters are voiced by men

Why is that a problem? There are lots of women who voice act male roles. It's called acting.


Percy has also worked hard since probably middle school trying to become a professional athlete, constantly putting in work before and after practice, watching film, lifting weights, running routes etc.

Not saying you haven't worked hard, but there is just a higher demand for amazing athletes than people working desk jobs.


Female looking for male, floor 5, I AM NOT KAREN.


Do you get money for powerlifting or something?

I used to only lift that heavy to train for track, I really don't see any point of training myself up to lift that much to prove a point to random people on the internet.


Gentlemen, our work here is done.


I used to ride karma trains, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Is it bowling?  It's bowling isn't it?


900 yards and misses three games behind that line. Enjoy.


Mock him if you want, but he's beating the pants off that map.


about 99% of the people voting for Obama do not care about anything other than he is black


Clothes came off in this story, sexy if you ask me

Edit: I'm proud to say this is my most upvoted comment


I see where you're coming from; I'm just not ready to let go of that dark part of my. I haven't found enough light yet. I'm still growing up, you know? I just don't want to be the one who went down without a fight.


Agreed.  Sometimes he's right, and often he's just a dick.


This bot is so retarded.


That's the worst one here, because it's so common and visible. Every paper you ever wrote had those words in it.


I think Pitbull's lack of braincells is contagious. No one is making sense in this thread.


I like how he ponders lifes existence for about 10 seconds after seeing the dudes chub


>The Foo Fighters are ~~brilliant~~ faggots.

FTFY, faggot.


And for being able to hide his boner.


Why is your bed high?  Shouldn't this be in /r/trees?


nah, to play minigolf. minigolf with a full sized club is hard, you see.


No matter where you're at, calling people names and assuming things about them makes you look like a turd. That's just real-world humanity. Upvotes, downvotes, hivemind be damned.


Two tubes of chap stick! Quit showing off Rockefeller.


Do you really want me to?  It would be by your request.  I hope you used ctrl + v to write all of those.


It is nkot thaat djiffikult vonce you gjet ze haång of eet.


You do realise if a child wants to wear mascara they'll probably sit still while you apply it?

And if you don't want people to judge you as someone who's overprotective don't act like it


What the fuck are you doing posting this in a 'worst sex advice' thread?


At the risk of losing karma... are you a wizard


The problem is we're the ones that will finance his settlement.  End the senseless war on drugs.


What's the difference? It's still dead when you eat it.


Easy one. She'd seen decorating statues, common in theaters, that after greek fashion, have no discernable pupils.

http://rs.musee-rodin.fr/filestore/3/7/5/4_1812f2e6c7f4977/3754_8a8973786c13fea.jpg

They look like they watch you, and a child has no trouble confusing them with real people. I know, because I used to be terrified of those statues.


Tatertwats.

edit: i am at a complete loss as to why i got such a low score on this, i thought that was pretty funny?


Yay, thank you Egypt and Mesopotamia! And the Indus river valley and ~~Chinese~~ ~~Hueng~~ Huang He river valley.... And Mesoamericans


Child please, the original Judge Dread was infinitely better.  Just because the average redditor was barely born when it came out doesn't mean this abortion of a re-make is any good


Checkmate, atheists.


How much do they pay you to do this? Do you ever feel used?


Absolutely. I've just been so busy, but I have been dying to do one. I've amassed a bunch of material over the last couple years, because it's been several years since I've done one. I just need to make the time to get it ready. And my wife keeps nagging me about going back on tour.


Hey, I like this guy, upvote


I've noticed that the people who make fun of how well someone speaks their second or higher language tend to be the ones who can barely speak their own.
Thanks for sharing!


As a divorced person I downvote this img every time I see it. It is funny, but I am only cool with poking fun at fat people.


THIS THREAD IS MAKING ME INSECURE


I bet you're a fat ugly dyke.


Hahaha, my dad is a goofy guy, so yeah he can be embarrassing. But I realize that all parents are embarrassing, so it's fine.


Please provide evidence that 12 years old is the norm for a girl to start ovulating, and also a defensible argument as to why we should wait more than three years or even one after the beginning of sexual maturity in the individual, to admit it


I just have zero friends.


uhh, NO. BF3 and ME3 are still worth it, but hey, you need karma too.


In a situation like this I think I would have thrown an arm around each of you and said "Well, who's ready for another round?!" just to make sure everyone feels equally as awkward.


Why would it be "fixed"? It's as intended. This is how Garrisons are meant to be. Alliance may get a new follower option, but it won't change..


"I've been homeless for so long, I became a bodybuilder!"


Curling: the second most overrated sport in the Olympics.


>I work with vets

Don't be fooled; this man works with war veterans.


Personally I don't find 35 to be old. I just mentioned it because I know that a lot of people do


They became adults mid-way through the First World War. Insane.


My best friend speaks French.


That's less than one word per day...


r/atheism --->
r/circlejerk --->


Was there.................................................................................... .............................................Chemistry...?


Fuck off. You expect people to believe those barbs on a place that is SWOLLEN with blood wouldn't draw it out? Stop talking out of your ass, moron.


They just met up for some kisses, but she touched his penis a little.


Not EU pros, RUS and Ukraine pros. Trust me, I've lived it. EEL sucks ass.


sounds like a pretty similar story, had a teacher he kill himself, he was absolutely hated by everyone, then he offed himself and people were crying and saying how great he was.  Last week you fucking hated him now you don't?  Kinda selfish


They havent done anything wrong legally.

The brother just...let it be, without doing anything however he never participated in violent treatment to the lady he just let it be.

In the eyes of the law, he is not guilty

Unfair? Yes, such is the law in which you need a lawyer everytimr you talk to a police


I had a guy ask, "Did I pass?" after completing his drug test at our office. Suffice to say he didn't last long.

Edit: This is by far my most upvoted comment and a pretty tame incident compared to some of the crazy people I meet. Thanks Reddit community for enjoying one of my crazy, daily adventures in recruiting.


Go play your Warcraft game you little whore


The lord works in mysterious primarily white affluent neighborhoods....


That's actually an NPC standing next to the portal that you didn't see because noobs don't see anything. You will be better at the game when you learn to see what's going on.


Beautiful story from LetsPlayAnalProlapse.


Yesh/ i uses tge lrfr shugt


He ain't got no legs.


You say you're transgendered.  [This post about your girlfriend](http://www.reddit.com/r/trees/comments/1ywx1j/so_i_got_home_today_and_had_a_smoke_with_my/) and every other post you've made determined that was a lie.


I'm pretty sure our team is made up of mostly guys who've only ever played for the Packers as well.


His name is Robert Paulson


HULK SMASH RING

-fin-


it's not about being attracted to anything - it's the language one chooses to use to express their likes.

this man's "likes" are nothing more than a pathetic insecure fear of things that ignorant straight people consider to be "stereotypically gay"

you're more than free to be just like him.  i won't apologize for being smarter than you, nor for being unafraid of being gay.


what do poor people have, rich people need, is better than god, worse than the devil, and if u eat it u die?

nothing

edit: nothing


Worst novelty account, ever.


Similarly, [red pancakes](https://www.google.com/search?q=red+pancakes&biw=1366&bih=639&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=klTFVJ_zMsibyAT7sIH4CA&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ)

It will look innocent at first, and then you'll see it.


~~me and my brother~~

EDIT : TIL my english sucks and i should never correct other people grammar


While this is technically true, in my experience it isn't often honored unless the servers are aggressive about it to management.


GOTTA BAN THE PEOPLE WHO INSULT FIRST ROFL

GG shitty Lol tribunal


My old roommate is a private pilot.  He told me most accidents in the private space are when moving an empty plane, because the pilots get to fuck around and do crazy climbs.

edit: it is obviously not 'most' accidents, but that this does happen.


who gives a shit. go smoke more dope you fuckin liberal faggot


UNDERSTANDING THIS REFERENCE MAKES ME FEEL COOL


Except that there's no DS version.

EDIT: ITT: DS = 3DS


Good for you.  I hate it when people just leave after saying what they have to say.  It makes it seem like they don't care at all about what others have to say.


You could have also just fuckin told him you knew, but now you are e-famous for all the wrong reasons. Good going passive-aggressive Megan.


How about you have a gold and chillax with the snark? It's Friday!


I didn't know a face could fuck


ANSWER THE QUESTION, CLAIRE!!


Like a swan from the duckling, I have made your comment... *art*

http://i.imgur.com/A9yev.jpg

...Courtesy of the instant_reddart bot


no matter what the focus is on, this is gonna be the dopest soundtrack on the planet


Note that incest is not only an American phenomenon. So let's not start an anti American circlejerk about this as people always do when broken arms get referenced. IIRC that man was not even American and so what if he is?


I didn't hate that song, but the one day I was parked and it came on, and I actually listened to the lyrics.  I actually laughed out loud at a few lines.

"Well I'd give a thousand hugs.... to ten thousand lightning buuuhhhhgs"


Hmm... I suppose it's true what they say. God hates faggots.


Horse get off the internet, you don't even have fingers.


<-NO CLUE--*You*--------------------------------------------- GETS IT->


I'll do the same thing next time I'm black.


Oh please don't be a cunt -_-


Unfortunately Mitt Romney only accepts donations in increments of $100,000.


Go back to r/atheism ffs. Fuck off.


*That* movie signified the end of my childhood to me.


The only very good smash game he made was by accident. No other game I'm seeing on the list of games he worked on is on Melee's level. He's the George Lucas of game design.


Post a picture, we can tell you how to feel about this.


Oh ok. Well fuck firaxis. They wonder why people pirate shit. I'm saying its retarded.


My Dad used to get on the phone with his uncle, who was virulently anti-smoking after he quit smoking himself - dad would calmly smoke during the whole conversation, and regularly assure his uncle that no, he was not smoking.

Afterwards, he would look at me and say, "What? I wasn't smoking. The cigarette was smoking."

For a man who valued honesty so highly, he really taught me how to lie.


Nope, he's actually right. Hate to break it to ya.


OP found a jewel? Is that okay?


Amazing how the rich managed to convince so many that money can't buy happiness. All the while they rarely go hungry, get too cold or too hot, get behind on bills, be unable to afford the bare necessities or pay for medical treatment. Money in our society is needed to live comfortably and not be completely miserable. I've gone and made myself sad.


You go to YorkU? I fukken hate YorkU.

Sincerely,

A UofT student


If he Masturbates, both.


Imagine what they can do with their cloaked.....

nevermind.


you should up your storytelling: Your balls were so smoking hot, you set off the firealert ;)


I can't wait to see his post 6 months from now on [r/askreddit](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/) about how he thinks his wife is cheating on him.


Seasonal job. Shit pay. Maybe good while you're at uni but not as a career.


Hopefully Ron Paul will win the presidency and we won't have to deal with it nearly as much. Sorry to hear about your husband's deployment and thanks for his service.


My mom once called my brother a son of a bitch and I said, "don't you talk about my mom like that!"


Still has more of that precious karma than you. [You jelly](https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=azI_RlDHTBE#t=78).


"Hi, I'm very ugly, but you should enjoy the movie anyway."

*face burns off*

"Excuse me sir, I hope my horrible ugliness won't be a distraction to you"

"Not at all boy" * *sniff sniff* *  "DUUEEEUUEUEEUEEUHUHUHU"


you sound like a racist yourself pedo mod. a racist trying to call out imaginary racists in his or her head.


...in a panic his Dad then grabbed the scissors on the table and began running around the house yelling for help.


Biking is about as dangerous as driving and walking but there are no walking helmets or driving helmets.


Are you Christian Grey?


LOL you're a shitredditsays poster. You ~~probably~~ definitely made this story up to crosspost to that subreddit later.


"Bring me a pound of your finest caviar, two lobsters and two bottles of your most expensive champagne. What are you having, dear?"

After she breaks up with you, leave.


>trim kitty nails

This amounts to fucking animal abuse. Cats are predators. You might as well "trim" a human's fingers so they can't get into the cookie jar. If you only got a cat because you want something soft to gratify yourself with, maybe you should consider a stuffed bear instead.


Can I get a reading on the bravery level of this individual?


babes in water

[Oooops Where is her Bra?](http://www.wikio.com/url?id=184049557&url=D8-40A1-95D5-4)


:( sorry

-----------------------------------------------

Edit: Everyone is replying to me and telling me that I've been a redditor for 671 days so far.  They are correct.  Hope this saves you some time.


its any standard pork dumpling recipe. by being hand made fresh, its easier to cook just right than a frozen dumpling


don't you mean... tug burn


Could've at least used " and ".


I swear to god this is what she said.


please, joel, come to LAL and learn from KAJ.  this would make me *so happy*.


Well, it was that or $400 worth of cockmeat sandwiches.


the funny thing is, people who correct others mistakes are more then likely never to come across such sexual oportunities

i would rather make mistakes then be a virgin nerd

problem?


i can't wait to be old.


I figured the ones who would know wouldn't need a source and the ones who didn't wouldn't know even if I did. So far the upvote to "who the hell is that" ratio is heavily in my favor on that one. He's from WCG Ultimate Gamer season two.


Pretty much a standard car.


> like Di Stéfano.


Yes. The whole "To Haley's first drink" thing was tongue in cheek.


Oh shut the fuck up. You dont know anything about good film. You micro penised little bitch. I bet you just like that movie because youre a skinny little bitch just like michael cera. That's it. I'm done arguing with you guys know ;-).


>number 2 would be shit.

Heh.


eh why use the word faggot? its completely unncessary. didn think reddit condoned such a word :S

***edit downvote me all u want just goes to show that some immature people still use that word***


Not entirely true, I feel like this is a pretty common question to come up at some point in any relationship when the romance ends and it starts becoming more of a partnership.


who gives a shit? just keep getting new puppies until you find one that isn't retarded. you can double down and let it play in the street until you also find one that doesn't get hit by cars.

and before you get all pissy, it's not like puppies take forever to make and are a rare resource. animal shelters kill *literally millions* of cute little puppies every year like little puppy auschwitzes.


If I ever click on this I'm pretty sure I'm gonna become a murderer.


Lol bigtitty babydick redditors are downvoting you for inquiring about typical manifestations of this disorder.


Why didn't someone intervene the moment he smacked a controller? Not fucking cool.


Autism ladies and gentlemen


I was born here. That is all I know.


Oh boo fucking hoo, someone doesn't like it.


Don't take things too seriously when you're young. Think "Am I going to care about this when I am 96?" You probably won't.


Tossing him is appropriate. I still remember the Ron Gant fiasco with Hrbek. He keeps doing that shit and someone is going to bean his ass or get into a fight with him.


Angry feets means I'm mad!


They aint mentally challenged, their special, how else would they make a balloon creeper... sssssssssss pop


your uncle is fucking awesome. what a great way to come out, too. "fuck you bitch, i'm about to get me some man. <3"


> I know the broncos did at least

No, you don't. Denver ended up getting punished because the team had too much money in deferred payments, which was a legal practice. All of the money counted against the cap, and the Broncos were never over.


how is that galling? do you really think you should get music/whatever for free? i think we all agree it's not a money problem but a service problem so what is wrong with them pushing their own sites and services? why do you feel entitled to things you don't want to pay for? this self-entitlement is killing reddit


Or just pissing her off


Your "son" is a nigger.


hearing your neighbors on the phone due to partyline


Thank you. People troll this way all the time. Also, that's my alternate account and I'm actually the one who first posted the keys.

EDIT: Holy whoosh batman. I'm trying to point out how easy it is to claim something with no proof.


This guy...... this guy has it figured out...


Women have been blaming men for over 40 years despite both being victims, it appears to some that the villain has just switched places. I guess it's easier to put a face on and blame a chauvinist or the female equivalent than an entire society.

(Fun fact: I did a search for the female version of a chauvinist but apparently it doesn't exist in the English language. What does that tell you?)


I'm an EMT and I didn't know this until now. Shit.


ent?!?1?! YOU ARE FROM R/tREES TOOOO?!?!?!1?


Don't forget the army of over 8,000 terracotta soldiers, cavalrymen, and war chariots.


I've almost been hit by them in situations like this; I don't bother to look over my shoulder because I don't hear anything and then "HONK!!!" and it scares the shit out of me.  If you didn't want me to walk in front of you, you shouldn't be driving a spaceship with the silent drive system of the Red October in a parking garage.


That's a dark place, man.


It's not an abuse of power, The guy was being a complete douche nozzle just like all horde are on PvP servers.

Yes, he CAN "solo" it and it will 100x longer than a group of 8 but what RIGHT does he have to constantly stop 8 other people? Why does HE get the moral high ground? Fuck him.


>if you could eat anything in the world what would it be?

...Pussy! Although that might backfire in an incest kind of way. (How do you like *that* mental image)


>It's just a place with power outlets and free wifi, that also happens to serve drinks/snacks.  There are less distractions than at home.

This is why there should be coffee shops attached to libraries. People could get drinks and snacks, use the libraries WiFi and power outlets, and I have quieter place to do work.


in on faggot thread.

edit: faggots!


No, it's even better - the officer who committed assault was the **field training officer**. He was the instructor for the other cop (a rookie).

This guy wasn't just a beat cop, he was well regarded enough to be given the responsibility of *training other officers*.

Think about that for a moment...


Yeah, because donuts and twinkees aren't killing us.  Are you retarded?


Catcher in the Rye by Sallinger. I read it 5 times, got something out of it every time. I wish I could have interviewed him, but he was a recluse the last 35 years of his life.


He wasn't exactly innocent. He DID assault the first cop.

If i put a nail in a power outlet and get shocked, nobody will say the electricity company shocked an innocent customer for no reason.


"Honey how would you feel about getting married?"

"lol"

"O-oh...ok, yeah I was just...just asking ^for ^^a ^^^friend"


lol so was I. Cheers!


The same thing happened to me but it was my girlfriend and some guy she brought home from a bar.  And I hadn't thrown a party.


That's why it says:

Thanks to Nick Risinger for the artist's conception of the Milky Way.

[Attention motherfucker, do you pay it?](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WVE106JQoU)


On this episode of Mythbusters...


LoL already has a skill queue, so they *already* queue up skills (e.g. if you activate Q-W-E in quick succession on many champs there is no delay between them even on high ping). They'd only need to change the behaviour of multi-active skills and summoner spells so that they're added to the skill queue too. Very little if any network programming required.


did it still look like kids licking whipped cream off a middle aged mans legs?


education is never free, asshole, the gov pays for it.


Yarrrrg, ya kicked me right in me booty with that one, boy.


Shh. Go drink some moonshine.


ur a toxic shitter riven 1 trick pony lol u think u deserve to become pro player? i shod be in lcs but team hold me back from challenjour series, gg


Its almost like that's the point.


Nice save, clueless person.


Unless he had adopted after the earthquake, that'd just be a novelty adoption.


It's pretty hard though. Imagine, every morning, you have to change the bedsheets since the little girl always have wet dreams at night.


Huh, really? I mean, I've got no problem believing that the organ in question is simply unfortunately positioned, but is it really you? (proof would be cool)


I never said it had no right to exist.


This is one of those cases where we don't have to, and really shouldn't, go deeper.


If you have to lie or hide your real identity in a relationship - screw this. If my SO cannot trust me and I have to struggle and pretend I don't look at other girls (I basically can't skip a single mini-skirt (if the girl is cute of course)) - the girlfrience obviously is insecure.


I feel like its okay because I would hate the 3rd place match to be more hyped than the 1. place match, both TPA and AF deserves to be more recognized by the community


It's a picture of a picture of a picture I saw it several years ago in a picture of a newspaper so I took a picture. It's apparently a re post. I probably should have seen that coming because it's so old.


When Walt gave the money to Jesse, I swore it would be Mike in a body bag.


Are you a fucking retard?


That's because you say it backwards. Sept'mb'r 'leventh, 'merica.

[edit]Since I'm still losing karma over this joke, let me just say that this was a joke, and I agree that the American system has no order.[/edit]


I supposed I could try to expand this thread more but I'm not sure if my comments will fit in.


Canada annexed my country (Quebec) by force and has been occupying it for 200+ years.

edit: why the downvotes? Canada did annex Quebec by force.


Apparently. Every group of parents ever must just go "fuck it we'll do it live" when they try to prepare for raising a kid.


What, is he a faggot or something?


I think this is my favourite so far. Alternatively, "Oh my screen's timed out again! Now I have to LOG BACK IN! URGHH" and storm out, be seen crossing the street from the window, get in a car and speed away, and never be seen again. The more trivial the issue, the better.


How do you know the guy above is anymore?


I hate this! They always feel a contraction and say, "We have to get to the hospital NOW!" like the baby is going to pop out within minutes of your first contraction. Bitch please! I was in labor for 48 hours.


Lots of people dead because of these bullets!


Hey, I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But touch my shoulder,
So I can stab you


gg, they'd live in that shit to play video games, rofl


Order a pizza, have it delivered to the roof.


Ha, I love how he keeps mentioning "god" all the time, guess he was too busy to save him, right?

He was probably christian too, so it doesn't matter, just one less useless person in the world.


I play underwear wrestling, pretty much the same thing. pretty much.


I already did. You weren't paying attention.


That's my retirement plan in a nutshell.


Eyebrows dont thin much either.  I'm going with 0.00000067%


Is it weird that I couldn't imagine the sound until you said "like a sassy black woman"?


>Some 38 police officers were reported to have been injured.

Sounds like something right to me.

Edit: lol, eye roll.


Well, the info is relevant in this case. I'm sure he doesn't refer to him like that all the time. If so then yeah, he's an ass.


Cuz they are parents, and he's a minor.

As "liberal" and "open-minded" as I am, I would probably do the same thing.

EDIT: Before replying, please note that [I've reconsidered](http://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/atyth/my_parents_found_porn_on_my_computer_in_my_email/c0jdts9).


The rest of us, well... we're on reddit too.


ding ding ding we have a winner. holy shit you people are so stupid and naive


Or when playing Mario Kart and your opponents pull it out intentionally. I just about wanted to start a bout of fisticuffs.


He's a faggot, only faggots can do that. Do you want to be a faggot?


"Don't say that!!"

"Say what?"

"*THE ZED WORD*"


I'll be really sad when they die early of lung cancer.


That plus a loincloth and a rusty knife and you can be a level 3 Skyrim character at Comic-Con.


I'm sorry if you have sand in your vagina this early in 2015, but I was merely answering a question.


Sadly, this is the correct answer.  Double standards make me really angry.


Only in America... Fuck that shit.

You take some fuck, then some shit, then some fuck, then some shit, what have you got?

You've got a [fuck shit stack.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Y1r24Rpa9k)


Audience participation makes a funny act hilarious.


I didn't ask for input from someone with autism, sorry that you got that idea.


Creativity: 0

Efficiency: 100


Gave me a cute boner.
EDIT: DOWNBOATS EH FELLAS? BRING EM ON.
EDIT#2:KEEP EM COMIN GUYS I GOT A QUOTA TO MAKE.


No no, doesn't this look rather like the actor who played the male lead in "Lost in Translation"?


shitthatneverhappened.txt


Get your logic and unbiased opinion out of here.


Give it a rest, you've already had your opinions roundly dismissed below this very post. Just head somewhere else if, as it appears, you have nothing of value to say.


KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GODDAMN HONEY!


If you're going to call someone idiotic you might want to learn how to spell basic words. Hateful only requires one l.


This is by far the most important thing a president can do if they really want to make a change. And it's not just about elections. It's about how laws are made. How we govern ourselves. How we protect our future


Huffington Post!  I guess you're an expert, then!


NOW THE FOOL SEEKS TO RETURN TO THE PAST, AND UNDO THE FUTURE THAT IS **AKU**.


It's unbelievable that they got punished for distributing the creative work of others without permission! We should be allowed to steal from others without any repercussions because our selfishness is much more important than the livelihoods of the producers of this world, amirite reddit?


I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!


But it's so original and unique because it's minecraft. Guys guys minecraft, give me your upvotes. haha bust out your cocks for this circlejerk.


Never heard this. Gonna use it all the time!


wow.. i bet ur iq is somewhere close to 700.

 +1


GOD DAMMIT MOTHERFUCKER, YOU BLEW MY COVER


Seems like everyone knows a holohoax survivor. Strange, isn't it ?


There has been PLENTY of violence directed from drivers at bikers, so I have no pity for anyone stuck behind critical mass. Boo hoo, you'll miss a couple minutes of your tv program, life is so hard!


***PORTAL 3 CONFIRMED***


ok, for once I'm willing to hear whatever bullshit argument you have. But first, [check out the rape denial and apologia in this thread.](http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/xtzr9/guy_who_was_forcefully_penetrated_by_a_dildo_by_a/?sort=hot)


But come on, how cool is Thor? =D


If this is an Arrested Development quote, you are a God


Haha same shit happened to my grandad, my nan refused to marry him until he had underwear tattooed on to the pin-up girl on his leg.


Maybe. I don't know him that well.


Orson Scott Card did a book signing at my brother's book store. The store manager would always buy donuts for the authors and usually the author would have a couple and share the rest with the staff and have a chat. Orson took the whole box of donuts and left.


if you think they were turning their back to their fellow officer like stated in your above post, you are an idiot.


Putting your junk in that box is step two.


Of your own kids?
Of yourself??

You fucking retarded piece of shit!


Gradually more hilarious, definitely.


Technically your prof was right...only the majority can be 'racist'. It's another term entirely when a minority mocks the majority.


Sweet and sour pork with rice. It was cheap, and not very good, but exactly what I expected. I walked from school and then took the subway home. Venus was in the third house.


Don't worry, it's shit.

Edit: Worse then twilight.


Dude honestly she probably said yes and she only came up with the brother thing because you made it out to be a big deal.


> Stick to the repost code no matter what


The McConaissance


Yeah a different title would definitely stopped people commenting that  *[Insert well known 'creepy' film]* is creepier. Totes.

-7 IN 9 MINUTES?

Something fishy as fuck is going on.


So that they may avoid doing the work they're paid to do.


lol Nazi FTFY so clever


That's not stupid. That's comedy.


Except where this is a beta, so I don't know why you kids get so invested this early.  It's kind of sad.


Seriously. I've always been terrified to admit I'm a feminist. There is such a negative picture of us painted on Reddit! (Granted, I've met some pretty shitty feminists so I somewhat understand the stereotype)


Well, I'm glad you're helping my argument, but I didn't *literally* mean she didn't know what masturbation was.  I meant that it was obvious (to me) that she wasn't making a joke.


> Neigh, I just try to stress how normal I am to other people as often as possible. Tell a lie often enough, and all that.

FTFY


The dildo is a funny joke. The bear is a sign that somebody needs help (either the creator or the people he has locked in his rape dungeon).


They weren't censoring Arnold's penis, his penis is actually a machine gun.


So like 5 people use chrome in NK?

*So like all 5 of the people that have internet access use chrome in NK?*

FTFY


To the walls! To the sweat drip down my balls!


>sound fucking insane

You lack self-reflection.

Edit: Downvoted by KiA! Badge of honor from you crazy boys. Keep it up and don't forget to take your pills!


Yeah, my first thought was "warts don't grow like that."


>Women: Keep wearing what makes you ~~feel~~ look attractive.
FTFY.


I see that you believed this story to be true.


You lazy, condescending piece of shit. What's wrong with handing out posters? Name *one* charitable thing you've done this year. Surely child murder is worse than a poorly run non-profit.

Edit: 15 downvotes and counting. You know I'm right, dont you? And you hate admitting it.


What if you're playing something because you're waiting[卐] (http://www.reddit.com/r/4chan/comments/sxl3j/more_cancer/c4hwf96) for your downloads to finish?


Your sister is a bitch.


Auto-erotic assfixyation*


"Unspoken rules", I'm pretty sure there is a rule for that.


What underhanded, dirty shit are they doing, though?


holy shit, she delivers?! Why is this not the most upvoted comment?


You seem to think I've never been on a set.


Don't you *dare* ruin this for me.


logged in at a friends pc just to give you another upvote. thanks for the laugh


_____ subreddit didn't like this.. What does this subreddit think?


So, it's just homoerotic. My bad. These people didn't start fantasizing about Beiber giving head when he magically turned of age. Same thing with that girl from Harry Potter. I found all of those "joke" posts disgusting. I usually ignore this shit, but sometimes you just have to get it off your mind and say something, you know?


I'm actually so pissed at OP I was so fucking ready to jack off I had an erection and everything


Saying that the title is a reddit circlejerk has become a circlejerk


http://imgur.com/eoHmu

PS. [AMA Tomorrow](http://www.reddit.com/r/Shitty_Watercolour/comments/t3w02/ama_tomorrow_maybe/)


just sayin' bro.

Get a bit more mad though.


Every Mormon

Down in Mormon-ville

Liked pageants a lot

But mds6543

Who lived just North Mormon-ville

Did NOT!


Oh whatever.  As if they can't finish themselves off.


OP DELIVERS! Congrats, mate!


while it was very good, you must have seen very little.


>Just a guy with a BA in English on the night shift. Sup

**FTFY**


So the post gets +40 points, but someone agreeing gets -8?  So much Cancer.


Microsoft stopped supporting Windows XP right around Easter too...

Edit: RIP inbox, jesus and Windows XP


lol now he's a caricature of a corpse because you dumped him ;)


I'm a 23 year old normal looking female.


Sorry, I don't believe in gender separate from genetic sex.


Or at least a representative subset of them.


I'll test the downvote then, on you!

EDIT: Works!

EDIT2: Wait, there seems to be something terribly wrong if you downvote with AlienBlue! Somehow your last post before doing so also get's tons of downvotes. Must be some kind of problem between Reddit and AlienBlue.


That is so fucking funny I can't even...bad taste, that. Seriously you should be ashamed. Upvote.

Edit: somebody commented with a picture of someone getting punched in the face via computer, i guess that's supposed to be me? Apparently nobody got that I was complementing the guy. I'll try being more succinct in the future. And thanks, BOB. :)


I am quite sure they will say so.


He used to hunt crime but then he took an arrow to the knee.


NO DONT DO IT : http://i.imgur.com/zbewX.png


Some of the stupidity shit pops up on my feed and this a repost from that subreddit that fucks horses. OP, you got some explaining to do.


Please just stop giving backstage bullshit. You're always wrong and you cause fucking problems. I know you love the attention but just grow up.


My desire to have my dick sucked is lower than my desire to not suck a dick.


Of course you would say that Mr. Seahawk fan. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't want to hear about the Goal line INT either lmao


A lot of Best Buy **employees** aren't sophisticated enough to even do that much...


"Yay, I got to go to an award show as a charity prop"


When my boyfriend leaves for work so I can have the whole bed.


I really despise these kind of answers. My dad always does it, and I flip my shit every time.

"Which is correct? A or B?"

"Yes."

But awesome anyways! :P


I do it to my kids all the time, fuck.

Some touchy fucks in this thread.


YOU ANIMATED MY SCRIPT. I FUCKING LOVE YOU!


Ummmmmmmmmmm the Lorax?


Her parents should have picked a better name for her. This type of situation was just bound to happen.


If your TV is the one in the living room, and you tell a roommate they can't use it, you are a child


That is the sound of thousands of redditers crying out in rage.


I used to think it's funny, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


Hah. Stupid idiot doesn't know about the turtles.


There is no appreciable difference between killing a man in war and ordinary murder.

What you have done is murder.


It's weird right!

Edit: Cake Day ended. Thanks for the karma!


That's because your stabilizer muscles need to do 0 work when you bench in the smith machine, you need to train the balance as well.


The routine was hammered in their head.


Wow dude you are such a brave knight in shining armor on a porn site.  You can come over to my house and fuck my sister.


You can't beat WWII in Europe for the shear thrill of unpredictable detonations.


Your podcast sucks ass. A history of Rome is better.


he won her in a game of Starcraft against her father


Im just gona go ahead and down myself:)


I know you said you have a noisy vagina, but really, don't be so hard on yourself.


I would kinda understand all the outrage if he just downloaded them, but then he posted them online, much more illegal. I'm sick of the whole, RIAA IS THE WORST THING EVER circlejerk.


I hoped it would be girthier.


Upon listening, I agree they deserve their sentences.


Poor little guy. I hope he gets a nice and roomy shell. That guy was a real jerk. But his shell had a hole in it.

I dunno. I just hope everyone gets a nice and roomy shell.


Well then fuck you. Making a dumb meme isn't a reason for violence


LGBT Life 3 confirmed


>7 month old account

GTFO


Legolas can pass for a pretty girl.


I remember when MMA fans didn't make references to shit like Friends.


Lawsuits from who? A gaggle of penniless orphans?


Call me when the rates of suicide, hate crime, average income, media representation, and incarceration rates of trans* people is comparable to white people, then we'll talk.


That's an incredible story. Thank you so much. Tell your friend how much things like that means to me. As far as cuteness goes... thank you, but it's all CGI. I was made by the same people who did Hulk in The Avengers.


Dicks gonna dick, we should take you to the vet and have you put down.


As another current journalist, I can answer that: No.


Comment of the day. XD


**Red Hot Chili Pepper**

Noun:  What you get when you sunbathe nude without a sock covering your junk.


Why the fuck would you let the cop search the vehicle. Even in meme jokes. Just no

*Edit: I get I'm wrong, but I'm leaving the comment here anyway because deleting is for squares. I was aiming for reddit's whole am I being detained shtick.*


No one ever pays me in boobs. :(


OK chief. You do PS3 then? Lets settle this with some BF3


"Walked left" is the strangest addition to this sentence you could have possibly written.


I'm sorry if I've upset your feelings.


Lei Ying Lo found the phone, I believe.


Bull shit. You wanted to get Karma because a brand had trouble completing an order. How does this relate to LoL in anyway? It doesn't.


Hurricanes alternate between female and male names.  I think the males hurricanes should be called Himacains.


Get back to me once calling someone Hitler is as institutionalized and triggering as sex-shaming women.


What a dick. The nice thing to do would be to give him a new mom.


As an le attorney, le me should point out that le clients have le right to fire their le counsel. le me would le recommend that le FJ might want to consider that le option sometime soon.


I stayed with a friend in Italy for a summer. His mom wanted me to feel at home, so she bought what she thought were traditional American foods. She came back from the grocery store with ketchup, Chips Ahoy, and Coke. She expected me to put ketchup on every single meal, and she seemed disappointed when I told her that chocolate chip cookies are not, in fact, a breakfast food.


It's not working for me anymore.


Yeah, you'd have to be really lucky not to get poisoned...


We are better.  Again, it's just a matter of filling out the correct visa forms, nothing more.  If you don't follow the rules, you have problems.


I believe she is wrong about something else as well, Her father sent himself to prison, She only told the truth.


nothing funny about sponge bob in my opinion. i mean, cmon, its a stupid cartoon. who the frik sells steam anymore anyway lol

edit: dont know why i am being downvoted, i don't get the joke.


hook up with hot singles. what else?


You ever have a really bad day or are really pissed off about something and then your neighbor who's life is superior to yours in every respect says hi while you're in your backyard and starts making friendly small talk and at that moment all you really want to do is punch him in the face?

I think it's like that.


I still can't fathom how people thought that the old batman movies were anything but comedy

EDIT: I'm only 19, so now I realize that they actually WERE viewed as comedy, except young children actually found them very serious indeed.


Yeah and it's funny how up until the last 10 years, the 50 or so years that had "In God We Trust" minted on the currency were by far the most successful for the United States huh?


No. All French songs are about fucking cows.


You can tell football/soccer is still essentially a British sport because the person you replied to immediately assumed sarcasm.

[ed] Oh wow I got fucked over on this comment then.


He has lived on this planet for 44, almost 45, years.


The comparison is still valid.


With that username you should always do ಠ_ರ


I would run from the battle too! It was level 999. You would have to be stupid to accept that battle.

I disagree with your comment and am downvoting it accordingly.

As a Reddit Gold member on this website I am surprised by the lack of common sense shown by you on the pokemon subreddit of all places (-:

Edit: Wtf? Downvotes? You guys have never played the original pokemon games??


Dr. Doom, then I'd be a king! Ya know I was in London, a couple of months ago & I was hoping that when I got off the plane, the queen would be there to greet me & put a ribbon around my neck that I could be Sir Stan Lee...but I guess she was busy or something.


Zlatsn does not do sterotypes


Yeah, people are going to zone in on the strip club part but the dude is willing to pay off other people's rent.


Ya. I worded it wrong

Le /r/titlegore


Yep. Punch her square in the forehead.


OK, *look*, dirtbag. This is an AMA, not a TMA.

EDIT, OK, I took a chance with that one. See, it's "ASK" me anything, not "TELL" me anything. I'm just riffing on the fact that he makes stuff up, and being "cute" with the dirtbag thing. {sigh} Reddit.


Takes me like 5 minutes because it feels so good.


That is disgusting. Have fun with your diabetes bro. God knows America could do with more of it.


Not how I saw that going.


In fact, all old bottles  i tried (Brandy/Whisky), don't taste good after 10/15 years (I inherited some), some of them lose most of the alcohol.


Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting Bitch Face keeps you pretty.


And the democrats don't care if Iran obtains a nuclear weapon.

Neither does anyone here.

Why then, is obama and the sens pretending that they care? Why go through the motions of 'talks' when they have no intention other than a stern letter to politely ask Iran to stop?

They are they ones that should be tried for treason.


My favorite singer is Frank Sinatra. My favorite female singer is Ella Fitzgerald. And my favorite all time group is truly The Beatles.


^ This! So much this!


You sound so akward that it's painful.


"Please only post Diablo related content"

This means Diablo the game itself, not the people surrounding it. If the rules need to be more clear on this, than we will certainly do so. I Thought they were clear enough though

and

"ANY form of witch hunts"


This is so sad. I hope you found/find greater happiness.


Yes, blame it on the guy didn't run his mouth on this, hoping it would blow over.

Blame it on the guy who isn't mass-downvoting people that continue harass him.

Blame it on the guy who got pulled into this because bspoka lied in the first place.

Sure.


>While both of us are half-white. Barack's other half is black, but my other half is also white.

Killed me


Alright kid, you're stretching this way out of proportion. If you wanna play pretend for a minute and act like you're not being an asshole, go for it.  I wasn't trying to "stake a claim" I was trying to be polite, because I'm sure she gets a shit load of pm's all the time.  Whether its plausible or not, there's no reason for you to stop and mock me, you're just being a stinky wet douchebag


As a rock climber who sometimes puts his whole bodyweight on only three fingers, arthritis here I come.


fuck you asshole. some some respect for mothers you dick


I dunno if you really want that, in reality.

Source: I am a female programmer.


You, are a douche-bag.  You don't treat him like a friend.  How about just smoking the guy up instead of making him do menial tasks for you.


Nothing will make you socially accepted.  That's why you're on reddit.


Let's make her feel ashamed. Is there a subreddit for that?  There should be.


Hi Oddone. How was it transitioning from jungle to toplane? Will you ever go back to junglin'? Love your stream.


Haha that is awesome. I am not suprised that this ended up in there.


NO! It's a miracle! Get out of here with your logic.


Well it looks like Kim Kardashian's ass.


Or being shown a video that is supposed to be funny, with that person staring at you the entire time and a dumb smile on their face.


Rising food prices, overpopulation, and climate change are all overwhelming problems.

A couple of fucking spoilers for people who can't stay away from the forums for a few weeks barely qualifies as a first world problem, let alone "overwhelming".


What are benefits?

EDIT: Nope. I didn't read it. Because since I saw it so early in its posting I decided to ask the question I knew someone else would and get the conversation going. I also like to start discussions on the internet.

I was also going to bed.


Kids today they forget the fundamentals, like travelling and carrying the ball on a spin move.  And not bothering to pass the ball to your teammates... and don't forget making bullshit commercials, that's fundamentals right there.


JB: Of course! No one rocks harder than Bach.
KG: Yeah Bach was the OG rocker


It's unnecessary but they can do it If they want. They shouldn't care I feel disgusted


I submit there is a hole in your pocket but it is a tear in space/time rather than in fabric. Mail your jacket to CERN as soon as possible.


Right, so don't you drink 4 beers in that, one per lap? So you ingest at least 400 calories, that's being conservative, then run 1 mile burning a 100-150 calories. Yeah mile will offset the beers for sure.


Yeah, I always get a small existential crisis when looking at shit like this


i wonder if they have sex together, looks like they'll have an amazing hybrid just like blake griffin


I did this for about 3 years with Comcast to get better rates for cable, but then I realized I was still paying $100/month for mostly shit I never watched so I got rid of cable completely and don't miss it a bit.


Of course. But it was Cuellar, which in terms of a match is about as significant as punching a ball boy.


You're like a male Helga Pataki.


Someone is probably going to ask me, "Are you saying that people can only criticize a game if they were personally involved in making the game?"

I don't know why they will say this, but I know they will.


Those people in Egypt are doing it wrong.


They want to protect the white race as it is now, shut the fuck up unless you have a real question.


If you do this with my pants and sheets all the time, I will marry you. Heterosexuality be damned.


If you don't know what you're talking about then don't answer questions!


"Tastes very strange!"


unattractive pic of paige


An Inquisition the Spaniards never expected.


TLDR you're old as fuck.


I gave that bitch breakfast, bitches love breakfast.


Fair enough from a progressive stand-point, but my point is again, that this is the *least* of the issues affecting equality. Give women true equality, then worry about the pedantics later.


Yes, with a mixture of lust and agression on my face.


Wow. So people didn't follow reddiquette. Oooooo...quel surprise! This is a subreddit where people are openly racist towards First Nations and you (OP included) expect people to act with civility and understanding? Welcome to the internet, check your humanity at the door.


HAHAHA wtf kind of pose is that.

"Ay yo hold up imma strike this straight golem pose"


Well, at least he's funny. That's why he's on TV and you're not.


*What are snails even trying to do?*


I kinda wish Bam was in the car instead of Ryan.  Then nothing of value would have been lost.


bro you are my hero,


If OP can't be bothered to check a 10 word post for typos, why should we care?

In other words, if they can't be bothered to read their post, why should I?


When he grows up and another cat hisses, he won't even be phased. He'll just shrug and meow "i've felt death, pussy" and go back to licking his butt hole.


Holy shit, it all makes sense now. The rocking motion he makes when nervous, the silly way he runs, Windows ME; **BILL GATES IS CONTROLLED BY A GOA'ULD!**


Dean.

Dean the spleen.


Not very impressive at all, I can easily get up to 8 miles an hour and higher. You probably can too if you try.


Upvote for not being a pussy by not deleting it.


The only reason anyone cares about the balls is because of Spygate... Which is a valid argument against a tainted legacy.


He was rumored lately to have been tapped to reprise the role. I for one welcome him back as JJJ, and into the MCU fold.


Looking at this comic is like that one white guy in the group who attempts to make a follow up to an already funny joke and ends up killing the mood. Way to go...whatever the hell your name is.


Sorry your kid died bro, but my children are pure so whatever


What ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in what?


I've read about, yeah. It's particularly mind-opening when you see how women can't be shown to derive too much pleasure from sex. No movie is ever the same again.

Mind you, 80% of our film/television is from US soil. 10% is a copy of it. The remainder is homegrown and largely ignored. Also, these statistics are completely made-up.


It's game time, casual. Get it right.  Quit fishing for up votes. Fuck Oregon...

(Have some fun)


Oh man. It took me a while to understand that comment, but it was worth it.

The joke is [The bus driver ran him over to create another crippled/mentally challenged kid to shuttle around in the short bus](/spoiler)


Honestly I could care less about sing's status, if TT doesn't have him then I might enjoy watching the team if it wasn't for the whole sandbagging issue.


Sounds like a friday to me


sorry i don't have the time to write a research paper.  i'm too busy making 25% more than you at my job.  i thought all fat dykes got pissed at the same insults tho


I was thinking you were female in the beginning which surprisingly made the story funny at the end.


~~yay, FREE KARMA FOR EVERYONE DRAWING ANYTHING REMOTELY CONNECTED TO THE USSR AND/OR ONIONS! :D~~

Okay, nevermind that..


not at all. It's their money, they earned it and have every right to spend it how they want.


yeah lick my ass bitch


I hope you washed your hands immediately afterwards.


"The principal person in charge of the school."

FTFY.


Umm, can I have some, reddit jesus?


***HITLER DID NOTHING WRONG***


Ahahahahaha...ahahahahaha.
I laughed. xD


I know a lot of men that can't handle women taller than them.

I'm 6'4", if I ever meet a cute girl that is taller than me, I will either fuck her or fight her.

There is no other option.


Yeah action packed. I've got one for you, tonight I went out to eat. At the end of my meal I payed the check and drove home.


I cup my balls all the time. They don't bruise.


And your case is... what, exactly?  That a bunch of cowardly, closeted homosexuals and socially retarded neckbeards are going to show up and steal my Internet points?  Oh no, please don't take my precious Internet points, my reputation as a keyboard warrior relies on it.


This is the reason he hasn't forgiven me.. He 'had the full set of the original 151'.

> Edit: (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻


I wonder how many were scored on the PP.


Same here. I thought ny internet was shaky, but nope.

Reddit's giving reddit the ol' reddit hug of death!


Hey you sounds pretty stuck up.

So she is upset he wants to follow his dream, and she can't follow hers. Works in reverse.

He made a choice to go for his dream, and she couldn't make the same choice he was willing to make. Its not his fault.


I have him in my FIFA career mode. It's so weird that we don't think of the players as humans sometimes and just expect them to continue playing until they're 35.


My first-born child got lost at the pedophilia convention and I eventually lost interest in looking for her.


yeah, that would be the next time the jolly rancher story comes up.


Hey! I'm just gonna reply to you because you're the top comment so more people will read mine. Wow, look at all those maggots inside that fly.... I don't think that fly was working right.

Edit: Wow, one of my highest (absolute value) voted posts ever!


Ah, the ol' "get my comment noticed in an AMA" approach


Who's currently injured. Nice joke, genius.


Which is hilarious because he's not even that funny or *that* famous, so i don't know who he thinks he's kidding...


So tell me, why do you hate Laurelai? Also, do you like mischaracterizing situations or do you genuinely feel this is accurate?


Best way to get out of changing nappies I've heard yet.


Okay. I won't say this but its true. I'm very regretful about what I've done. Its not defensible. But my wife does hold some responsibility too. If a little more attention was paid to me, more frequent intimacy, etc I think things would be different.

My wife is a SAHM so......


It's ok he said no homo that makes it not gay.


What's wrong with quora? The forced login is annoying but everything else is ok.


>that guy

 &#3232;_&#3232;

You do realise that guy is probably one of the most famous people on this planet right now also known as Cristiano Ronaldo


Yes, it's solely the defunding of schools responsible for the decline of their family unit...


I fell for this twice in one day at work... on April Fools day. Second time I was trying to do it on someone else and while showing them what to do the person who pranked me the first time dumped water down my pants again...

I don't enjoy this prank anymore.


If you don't like living in a nation with a strong government, there's always Somalia.


This is both really awesome and really stalky.


Don't brandish a weapon if you're not going to use it. It'll be taken from you and used against you.


Let their assholes be free.

edit: Thanks for the gold! And yay for my top comment being about assholes.


Agreed. solaybro's post was a real gas, but let's leave it at that.


When I'm in the shower, it's like Adele and Michael Jackson had a baby


thats funny, a christian who is ok with murder.


Gives new meaning to the word "banhammer."


...which could have easily been avoided if granddad had just given his name and address so they could verify the story.

In a rap-tune that whole "*I don't have to answer shit, I know my rights*" sounds great, but in the real world it somehow doesn't make police-officers feel better about the situation. Who would have thought.


Well, as far as weaknesses go, I suck at this question.


Ronaldo has paid his dues. He can do whatever the hell he wants now.


I was having vaginal intercourse, and the woman deficated on her mattress.


I'm almost certain 'anonymous tipster' these days just means CSIS or CSEC.


The invention of the steering wheel sure turned things around.


shut the fuck up you worthless cunt. you **CHOSE** to be with him, fucking moron.

[**single mothers (aka worthless cunts) produce the future criminals of the world.**](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_2LpLhOsc4)


haha.

thats fine.

I'm not there. I'm fucking here idiot.

you can have all the national holidays you want, and celebrate them however you want. but there is nothing stopping me from having my own st. patty's day celebration.

and if you want it to be Paddy. then call him Saint Padrick imbecile.


I just tried it, and it didn't smell. Maybe you people should just wash your belly buttons...


Why is it a tragedy? He knowingly broke the law. If he couldn't cope with doing time, he shouldn't have broken the law. Simples. Why the fuck should he be exempt because he suffered depression?


Death by snu-snu... admirable.


I used to be a couple, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


You use the English language to communicate instead of binary code?

010100110111010001110101011100000110100101100100001000000110100001110101011011010110000101101110


Lol you're really mean. If it was your guitar that got stolen, I'd hope the thief would have a sense of humor about it and send you a picture of your guitar after he stomped the shit out of it. All he wanted was money, and the asshole guitarist turned the whole ordeal some kind of hipsters-join-hands manhunt.


Do you think wind just... happens?  Next time you feel a nice breeze you'll know you have one of these wind generators to thank.


Do you guys find jokes like this funny ? Maybe in america that's what humor is, I don't know... But i find these kind of jokes just completely ridiculous, and they are everywhere in this subreddit, it's kind of annoying...


i worked at a restaurant that made me do this. when i pointed out the plant was fake, i got yelled at.


Of course the one time I think I came up with a creative title


It's because it's fake.


Yes, if the idiots just instantly dump the fish into a brand new tank.

You realize even a retarded employee would still slowly mix the waters over a day or so to acclimate the fish...


I'd hope they would, ya know, test twice before removing your legs.


Why does that whore have clothes on. She looks of age.


Assign this as an essay.


I'm no fan of his, but the guy is dead -- can we be decent human beings and leave him alone?


He said there is this lad with a fully mowed lawn that has a pool slide to be used to splash on the guppy.


just downvoted you, take that!

Edit: were friends in real life guys, everyone chill with the downvotes


I was typing an indignant reply when I checked the username.  Touché.


it starts with a slayer boss, then comes the instanced gwd bosses, then for corp beast, then for future bosses it becomes the norm. look at rs3.


One does not simply wakka wakka into Mordor.


Lame, CS is such an old game

EDIT: LOL, I guess people didn't like this! haha stupid sensitive nerds... Im a gamer, the first thing I think of CS is Counter Strike

Heya Mr. programmer nerds, go make me us a game, BITCH!


"I love my swiffer! It can do everything my old mop CANT!"


The internet made me hate Australians almost as much as Australia Day does.


i just hold it and think really hard


...you're ashamed that guys like to see boobs, and this dude happened to find that she has posted boobs in the past and informed people..?

TL;DR: You're ashamed that straight guys exist?


Patriot guard. Go online and look them up. They will stand guard around the funeral for free. They are all active or prior military.


Have an upvote! XD

Edit: Nice..


You'd be surprised how much butt stuff happens in jail. Walked past a cell to see one guy riding another and the receiver was down on his knees hunched over. Both claimed they were praying.

Had a woman in on a regular basis who could crap on command and would paint with it. I'm not sure if it was on command or if she could just reach WAY far up in there (which she did).


I've been in similar situations before and I didn't take it personally. I accepted it with grace and humor and didn't expect everyone to change their behavior to accommodate me.


You being a Redditor with over 4000 link karma,
with the fact you are only a Redditor for two months,
because Redditors often wonder if that was an easy transition to make?


Found the Atheist guys.


Does sucking dick count?


>perhaps 'a lot of *obscure cultural* references' is more apt?

I used to make a lot of obscure cultural references, and but then I took an arrow to the knee! :-(


I don't see it. My .gif is stuck on horse.


That is priceless. Have you ever gotten a girl pregnant and left? so you make her really sad. Then you go to her in the 9th month and abort it? THE LOOK ON HER FACE. OMG. PRANK'D


We really should **wake up** tomorrow morning. It's been a while, and I'm sure she misses us.


I feel like people shouldn't really care. Wait, really, who the hell cares?


This is actually *the* strategy to increase your chances of survival when getting hit by an avalanche. A very useful tip that can save lifes.


Brady threw 5 in one quarter in the snow.


Did anybody else laugh while reading "I came into my PJ's"?


Hes not a full blown faggot


Seriously. Check out ["How to Remove Your Mustache".](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAjZaSlWG50)


old Professor Sirius meme is old.

Funny how the top comment of an anti-meme post is an even shittier meme (-:

Edit: WTF? Downvotes? **I point out that Reddit contradicts itself and I get DOWNVOTED??!?!** Screw you guys :-)


Paste a label on each jar that says "Snooki Snacks"


i hope your father sodomizes you to death


Still, does it justify having a life practically ruined?


Heil Hitler, full of grace.

The Lord is with thee.

Blessed are thou among furhers

And blessed is the fruit of thy hand, Kampf

Holy Hitler, Sacred Deutchland

Pray for us workers

Now at the the hour of the battle.

Amen.


Dip in liquid creme brulee then into fruit loops


It's an inappropriate emotional response that shows signs of social retardation.


It's because there wasn't really clothing geared towards teens and people in their early twenties back then. Once you outgrew children's clothing you dressed just like your parents.


Don't let frivolous things like "facts" get in the way of a good witch-hunt.


> Americans feel like every damn thing needs cheese

If this is wrong I don't want to be right


Ironic. It's more handheld than phone yet the gaming battery life sucks. I can play 10 hours of OoT on my iPod touch 4g.


Is it hard growing up with an expletive as a last name?


What. The. Fuck. Oh, how the slightly above-average have fallen.


It's possible he clips them first and then chews on them.


trust me thats legit. its my sis n she not exactly a long time smoker.
New York Diesel had a similar effect lol


GONNA WATCH HIM TONIGHT NIGHT NIGHT...till he adds some more tape


Well, I'll find out tomorrow night ;)


A several years ago I got my wisdom teeth removed. Before they knocked me out the nurse said "Look at the clock. In a split second it will be 15 minutes from now." It felt instantaneous but I awoke an hour later. A few days later I thought "That is what eternity will be like"


That post was bullshit then, and it's bullshit now. I don't think linking to some amateur's description has any relevance.


Must have had a mustache to store his extra testicle.


He left out:

> 35 year old doctor immediately retires after treating me

> my country calls Germany for a bail out

> mfw your "free" healthcare and 4 months mandatory vacation leads to endless government bailouts that fuck the entire world

>mfw

Nigger


Them sounds like fightin words, Commie.


This comment deserves more upvotes.


Okay I was on board to believe the bit about the girl and the boyfriend but I have a hard time believing that a pair of sentient panties can use a keyboard properly. I mean, where would the panties get the weight to push down the keys? Really doubtful I about this message, guy's. I think it might be a fake made-up comment.


I'm gonna kick you in the vagina.


"Family and friends will all be staring intently at your vagina. Which, by the way, has an 80% chance of tearing."

- John Dorian, M.D.


I used to be an actual password specialist, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


4% chance to be turned to stone? Yep, turned to stone.


No I make 250k a year you fat piggy


rainsense wipers detected fluid on the windshield


No they are still funny.


showing their cleavage off is what they're paid for


Cause people never have extreme arguments?


What fucking 5 year old could understand this?


Stfu thre guy from family guy was not in this story


That would've been awesome, but it would've been virtually impossible to keep such a big secret.


you faggot he wasted the alcohol


The phone call outside the hotel room was someone calling to tell them about the post.


Aren't all great works of art fantastic and terrible? xD


It will naturally lose air over time but there is indeed an inflation button. My girlfriends will mimic a robot voice as I push the deflation button and she will say, 'End, robotic erection.... Sexual Activity Achieved. Success, success. Congratulations on successful semen transmission.' and on and on lol.


Different shows do things differently? I guess I shouldn't ever compare shows then.


Yeah, and the "homeless" dude on the left takes home $80k a year by pan handling at the best locations. The dude on the right actually works in a call center that requires you wear a suit and makes only $35k.


what else can you expect from a fag, anyway?

**edit**: good god, people. I'm OP. I'm not samefaggin, I'm admiting to be what I'm expected to be. as usual: I'm a raging fagg0t. I'm cancer. I'm what's wrong with the world. Heck, I should probably even an hero.


Perhaps he's enjoying letting you think you're getting away with something so obvious.


You are complicit. Fucking die.


Jesus Christ, buy me dinner before you fuck with my head... :)


I said similar.

sim·i·lar/ˈsimələr/
Adjective:
Having a resemblance in appearance, character, or quantity, without being identical.


Shh, don't tell the gays our secrets!  That might ruin straight relationships! /s


>I'm not defending racism

Seems like you are.

>I mean pussy pass isn't a term used by a person who respects women.

I totally respect women who deserve to be respected.

I totally disrespect men who deserve to be disrespected equally with women.

Stupid fuck comments like yours is why this sub exists.


I did, but I have a bath that fills in a mildly interesting way, so nerr.


I don't understand that logic.  How could anything be worse than being cut before your time?  Yeah, life sucks.  And it sucks for some people more than others- but to take that life from anyone who deserves it is called a murderer.  Basically what you're advocating is the slaughter of the deformed, that's eugenics.  Whether it takes place at one point or another.


If I remember it correctly, we presented the gifts at a concert and I'm pretty sure a round of applause happened for the kid who ate the paper. The teacher was all teared up.


Gotta say though, a lot of that video was pretty much just color changes.


WAIT. The secret stash of slutty clothing is a real thing? As a teenage girl, I feel as though I'm missing out on important experiences.


Yes, i know im a badass.


It would have been hilarious if the real estate agent started fucking a client on your bed. Based on the movies I've seen online, this is a common occurance.


Agreed. This photo is pretty exploitative.


Woah, I had no idea. That brings hope to many, Mr. King.


Wow, dude, you sound like such a bad ass. I bet you got a huge dick too, huh?

Fuck yourself, nerd.


Try being a chick who doesn't want kids...


You have been crusaded on by /r/atheism. Enjoy your karma rape, for asking a relatively harmless question about religion.


anything you do with these is committing a crime. but that's not why Ed wore them.


Can't say that wasting my hard earned money so women can take off their clothes in front of me (for said money) is a hobby of mine... so I'll digress to your expert opinion.


P.S. You can't engage physically until she's 18.


I used to karmawhore, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Jenny will not be with him.  Zack fucked a married woman because she's guaranteed 0 maintenance.  He's gone as soon as he finds out OP knows.


Be careful before you decide to send anything to OP.

You have no way of knowing what they're saying is true, or if they actually lost them in the first place.

edit: gotta love being downvoted when trying to stop riot from being scammed


I'm going to. I'm actually going to tell that to dogs.


They all look the same? Lol


Most of them didn't get it but those of us that did laughed the hardest.  He also said, "Volume comes in liters, mass comes in grams and Elephants cum in gallons."


I like him, until that commercial.  It was horrible, and it exposed his character.


I wouldn't say liar. Everybody has a limit.


I used to think that LIMBO was a wonderfully messed up game, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Money changes everything around you, specially how people act and treat you. None of my friends are comfortable around me so I try to act as down to earth as possible. One thing that has not changed is how I act and dress.


My point was is the current drama and posts are from an outside force that has no interest in this community, they outnumber us and want to control the tone of this subreddit, they have no right to do so.


That's the thing...they don't want to go to my party anymore. So that means my entire family won't be there, which breaks my heart. I'm stuck in a hard place because I love my family and want them at my birthday party, but I love my girlfriend and don't want her breaking up with me.


Could you tell us the other two awkward moments? Please?


OP has verified with the mods.


That's really quite touching, sounds like she was a pretty great cat.


/r/shittytumblrgifs ( i meant the scrubs gif, not op... )


I thought you were about to vent about people who drink before football games.


>Too gross man

You Gay?


I thought he counted the 100 bill as another person since Benjamin Franklin is on there


I only called you a liar because you called boogie boarding, "surfing".

It's not surfing. Learn how to stand up on a wave you fucking kook.


i don't remember shit


ERMAHGERD, EMERICAR WERNS


I do not know what you mean.


He really sucks at his job then. How does putting Big dumbass back in with a concussion keeping him healthy?


How was your doctors appointment yesterday?


I think you're seriously retarded


art is not therapy nor should it be.


To point out how close this is to reality, I'm going to remind everyone of the time the right-wing media insisted Obama is a liberal, european elitist because he wanted Dijon mustard on his hamburger.

http://mediamatters.org/research/2009/05/07/dijon-derangement-syndrome-conservative-media-a/149946


You're a cancer. Go back to Youtube.


It's even better when you have management in place that can say 'Hey, I fucked up, and I'm sorry. It's obvious the way you work is beneficial to this company.'


>In NXT women are just as popular as men

Don't see any of the great women wrestlers in NXT selling as much merch as Owens or Balor.

EDIT: Getting downvoted for stating facts. Seems like the estrogen up in here is really high, you guys should get that sorted out.


"Do you really need another beer? #judgmentalappliances"


I like eating rotting...ASSHOLES.