this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for that dog, it's going to eat as quickly as it can before the people unfreeze.


What parts of masculinity are not harmful?


Can confirm. I'm high right now and I think  this is some profound shit, man!


Yeah pay him millions to play 15 games and then maybe the postseason.

Edit: my b


The bad one I'll try in a few minutes, I'm just waiting for your mother to come over.

I'm sorry I'm not funny.


I like how you completely fail to mention the Democrat shenanigans, like trying to disenfranchise military personnel serving overseas.


Well, you should die


Haha Ok then I reserve the right to call you a shitty human being for not being the least bit respectful.


I can't, DARE taught me that I'll get AIDS or something.


I'm absolutely serious you idiot. Not the first time I've said that, sorry you can't read. A world where everyone thinks they're an expert (or even gets to be) is one filled with even more destructive chaos. You are dumb as shit.


Please tell me you made that up. You can lie if you need to.


I downvoted myself to get the ball rolling.


That would make it less effort for him to win, just harder to claim the prize.


Im sure they have the same "cultural values" that you have.


Lawyer here. Would be curious to see a citation to a successful judgment for someone getting sick out of eating trash from a defendant's dumpster.


Everyone should be ashamed of the pc master race circlejerk.


He should totally run for office.


I'm well aware! Thanks, brah.


mostly the second reason for me, i love my family but oh my gosh i cannot live there (21 yo)


I ERGRER, HERS RERLER ERERGERNERL. HER DER


> 10/10 would do again. Love that woman

Fucking sweetest thing I've read tonight. I want this kind of love. You rock.


A universe being infinite does not mean that absolutely anything our minds can make up has a fair chance of existing, just as you can have a number that is an infinite, non-repeating string, in which not every combination exists. This is my understanding, but I have not thought terribly a lot about this, so correct me if I'm wrong.


The IOC are just as corrupt as FIFA - they don't give a fuck, sadly. They will never do this.


Could you ask them to fire you, hueypriest, KeyserSosa, ketralnis and, Paradox?  Because, frankly, reddit has been barely functional lately.


Mootenant Dan you've got legs

Edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger!!!


Downmodded for overused and washed out meme.


Hi I'm Joe Biden. It's sweet bro [Proof**(;**](http://i.imgur.com/CLzycrV.png)


Really? I saw that one coming a mile away.


There was a story about a guy carrying a cow to the field and back every day. The cow grew, the kid grew, and I can't remember the rest of the story.


The reds are car-centric. Do they really apply to us bicyclists? Do we have to exert extra energy in accelerating/decelerating just to match the standards of automobiles, which are vastly different modes of transport in every sense?


Not hard at all. I was raised on professionalism. The people I admire the most in the business were the people who's opinions I did not know. Who had the ability to deliver material in an unbiased manner. I always left my ego at the door. My number one motto is and still is "I never learned anything when I was talking."


Thank you captain obvious!!!!

Edit : most downvoted comment? You LIKE that washed off old joke? Come on reddit!!!!


My parents. Married 60 years. Rational. Curious. Considerate. Sensible. Moral.


> sigh it's true, men get hotter as they age. Women just age.

My old man is 62 and single, you want to fuck him too?


Sure, but this only works if you're female.  The rest of us can't get in there either.


Purposefully making stupid decisions where rape is more prevalent sounds foolish to me.

edit: sure, fucking downvote me everyone, get off your high horse and off the rape bandwagon


Silent but deadly: ISIS strikes again.


I saw this on r/jokes the other day too.

Youre a shameless karma whore. stop ruining reddit.


The wise man was an attorney, and explained that this provision was easily invalidated.  The two sons eagerly raced home to claim their rightful shares of the estate.


Too late fucktard.  You are a loser.


An anonymous call to the nearest office of [your state environmental agency](http://www.epa.gov/epahome/state.htm) will take care of that shit.


Cmon, nobody really believes that he was actually there.


Plenty of good American have No problem not listening to John Stewart, Colbert, Maher and Olberman. All are giant asshole and love to molest little boys, but most have no problem ignoring their stupidity.


That's what's cool about Biden. No one would dare try to assassinate Obama because then we'll get Biden. That's probably what's keeping Obama alive.


I'm a very mysterious man


ONE OF US. ONE OF US.


I WILL REPLY TO YOU FOR MAXIMUM KARMA

uptokle pls


Did you just leave the dish out in the open for 20 minutes then? Or put it in the freezer?


He is too young to have been drafted.

What are you doing to stop people from joining?


words of wisdom.

"The ice never yes." -David Blaine


I can't stand this faggot. Why do we support and pay people like this? He should be shot, not worshiped.


Maybe it was done as a joke. Sometimes we read too much into something.


I have no clue what source SDK base 2007 is and there are plenty of people who do not want Team Fortress 2, myself for example I don't like it that much and there are most probably allot more people like myself who are interested in this mod and the half-life series.


I'm impressed - I nearly got a full paragraph in before scrolling back to check if it was you.


>for karma.

If you're going to call me stupid you should probably not be a fucking idiot yourself. If I wanted karma, I would have gotten a lot more if I kept my mouth shut instead of admitting to lying, dumbass.


I was going to post something but then I realized I don't actually care about any of this.


How many downvotes shall I receive?


I prefer the disarmingly polite ones you see like, "you have a lovely anus".


ya you should be doing satan's work. shame on you


Hi there, unofficial ambassador from /r/gore here.

Disregard thinkmcfly. Put on your best birkenstocks and see what this bike can do. It'll be just like GTA, trust me.


TL;DR: dumb Amerifat cannot read bus schedule, gets laughed off bus.


Good Guy Gamer. haha. Golden.


I'll gladly downvote you first.


Solve for x?  24 mother fucker next question.


Was he also charged with murdering afghans?


The latinos are mutating.


I did, in fact I posted a comment that received 13 likes and then you deleted it and blocked me from posting on any of your videos. you're the one that's ignorant.


Best excuse for tardiness I've ever seen.


This is it.  I used to be a hover hander, long ago.  Now I don't care.  I'll put my hand on your butt if I'm in the mood.  It'll make your reaction more interesting in the photo.


On the bright side, at least his fake wife is okay.


Hahaha good for you, it will still be here when you repost. You apparently think I am going to be ashamed and maybe delete this because the r/guns crowd doesn't like my content? Kiss my ass faggot. I may post it myself for laughs and save you the trouble.


I adore Mindy.  She is a force of nature and a sweet sweet heart.  We also give each other shit mercilessly.


iirc he was in the game late in the third and maybe even into the 4th. most starters were pulled sooo


For $400, would you park my car in every space, one after the other, while I sit nearby in a lawn chair, drinking scotch and chuckling?


HE IS A CHILD. MANY CHILDREN DO NOT KNOW BETTER. HOW IS THIS FUCKING HARD TO UNDERSTAND? BOTH CHILDREN ARE AT FAULT, NEITHER SHOULD BE PRAISED. I AM SICKENED AS FUCK BY EVERYBODY'S GLEE OVER THE BIG KID'S BEHAVIOR. NO PERSON WHO GETS GLEE OUT OF SOMETHING LIKE THIS COULD POSSIBLY HAVE IN MIND WHAT'S BEST FOR THE WORLD.

GROW THE FUCK UP. NO ADULT SHOULD EVER FUCKING ENCOURAGE THIS BULLSHIT.


joke's on them, they're both dating an untrustworthy liar now.


I didnt know the truth made you so mad


my convertible red Ferrari, I live in the pacific north west. not the best city for a convertible. I regret nothing.


if you had to put a number on how many guys she fucked while your grandpa was away fighting the war, what are we talkin ... 6 ... 7 or more?


I like playin that game. I one blocked the WoW servers on a test outside line and then a tech came to me later that day complaining about connectivity issues on that line.
I told him to stop playing WoW and go work on tickets. He then franticallly left my area.
The all controlling admin: Phenomenal cosmic power, itty bitty living space.


No, but it is possible to be a fucking idiot on Reddit, I learned it from you.


That's because you were a hero.


Damm really good talk but Julia Reda sounded like such a hot German girl name in text...To everyone else clicking in hope you going to be disappointed :(


He just realised he forgot his socks.


They were trying to cut and weave through traffic. I was being attentive or else I would have rear ended him.


Lincoln was caught off guard too


TIL there are actually people on Reddit who think something like this is an acceptable way to communicate with someone about an issue.


Too risky. Can't hear the door knob jiggling.


I'm 35 and I'd rather kill myself than work for a company like comcast. The evil that is comcast can only exist because people are willing to work for them. If every single employee decided to quit tomorrow the company wouldn't survive to the end of the week and the world would be rid of them.


games I wouldn't play with my mom:  that one.


I read your reply earlier and gave you an upvote.

I just reread your comment and wanted to give you an upvote only to realize I already had :( Sorry for only having but one upvote to give!


And people say landing on mars is centuries off.


Actually there is a very good reason, it's called evolution, you can look it up in any science text book. Weak ass defective cunts like your friend die to make room for strong healthy people like me to live on. It's just the way things are and and not a day will pass from here on out when I won't be thankful for her death :)


That pretty much confirms it.


Silly and juvenile is not most anime. Sounds like you have been watching almost exclusively the dumbed down versions that air on American children's television.

I said if you really hate *all* anime you probably have xenophobic or anti-japanese tendencies, forget hating watered down crap versions of children's shows.


Yea it's changed...now you have to be there 17 hours early


y did u post a pic when u coulda done this ಠ_ಠ


I knew I slept in too late when I turned on the TV and Saved by the Bell was on.


A model for what, Slut times magazine.


And I have a PHD...

Edit: For this? Really?


Oh, I didn't know it was just a game.

Here I thought it was a huge industry and men across the country and at many age levels broke their bodies for a chance to make it in this profession.

A game?  herp derp

Economics is just a game.

Please, criticize this murdering scum on reasonable grounds.  You don't have to make it something asinine.


>Being in that country completely changed my outlook on Arabs and Muslims

And that, folks, is why everyone should travel.  Especially outside their cultural and comfort zones.


Ummm, I don't think you can go frame by frame in forward or reverse on T.V... This makes no sense. Downvoted, troll.


Wrong? Maybe. Genius? Definitely.


Hi, thanks for sharing 2 mediocre jokes and wasting a lot of people's time.  I WISH I COULD DOWNVOTE YOU OFF THIS SITE.


This is clearly the only acceptable line.


I haven't payed much attention to r/news on the past, but the responses here are surprising. Is this sub decidedly right-wing or are all the ignorant teens just spouting their BS?

Edit: looks like I struck a nerve with some salty teens. Don't worry you'll grow up some day


I'm sure Reddit would stay completely calm and mature in this situation.


You can bet she's especially good at handling other things too

(like cock)


/╲/\╭( ͡° ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)╮/\╱\.


Reddit is quite possibly the most accepting place I have ever seen towards diversity. The thing that annoys me is when people claim that Reddit is racist, sexist, bigoted, etc. It's really not.

Reddit just doesn't moderate as heavy-handedly as other sites, and I think that's a good thing.


No, dummy. The milk makes them look blue.


There was definitely manipulation, intentional or not. The conservationist agenda promoted in Bambi led to a huge decline in hunting and dangerous fire-suppression practices that lasted for decades.


**Achievement Unlocked: Oh shit**

Unintentionally pooping your pants.


LIKE A BAWS AMIRITE GUIS XDXDXD

Fuck off with your stupid memes please.

inb4 downvote brigade from angry memesters


Exactly. "Some people are just too stupid to be allowed outside *the country*". At least the rest of the world shouldn't suffer from their stupidity.


Hopefully you have a child with her and she kills that one too.


That's what I gathered!


Did baby learn a new word in narcissism class?


False. There is a rumor on the web that you are not actually African American, but that you've been taking those pills C. Thomas Howell took in the film "Soul Man." Is there any truth to this?


k.  nevermind.  i see your post got upvoted, my original post got downvoted.  everyone who has responded has basically said the same thing.

i somehow thought the reddit crowd would not take themselves quite as seriously as the normal ham crowd.


somebody knows their shit


I think DrJimmyRustlesMD handled the situation correctly, the OP's submission was complete crap.  Read the sidebar or GTFO.


This guy. This guy right here is gonna be president someday.


haha no one gives a shit. so gtfo.


Yes. All of the operators (engineers, scientists, drivers, planners) live on Mars time, by shifting the schedule +40 minutes each day. This is order to maximize the efficiency of each sol.  MB


Sexism = power + prejudice. No power, no sexism. This is exercising decision-making based on information. That is not sexism.


The whole plane to yourselves and you still sit next to that poor guy


Nope. Not I.

EDIT: Ha, one of the few times I've enjoyed seeing downvotes on my comments. Yummy, keep em coming.

EDIT2: This is now my worst comment. Thank you guys for making it happen. I really couldn't have done it without you.


>Contestants would have to consume one mind/behavior altering drugs (**including alcohol or weed**). Then, try to do stuff like normal people in public and try to act as normal as possible without raising suspicion (buying groceries, going to DMV, shop in Ikea, go to the frozen yogurt store).

So a normal Tuesday?


Listen kiddo. If your content isn't original - if you get it off imgur or tumblr - it's already been on reddit. Don't post it, because it's already been posted. Period.


Ollie 720. I still try it sometimes.


Incorrect. OP is always a faggot.


Damn it Monty. Fucking Warmonger


I find that a bit unfair. She was with him for two years. She's not entitled to any of his money.


There's an awesome one where a guy muted the music & then edited in "normal" sounds like footsteps, city sounds, horses neighing etc! :DD Hilarious result! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6ZSZbNfSpk

Also PSY you're so cool! Stay genuine! <3


Too much bukkake going on your head


texas here, can also vouch it does sound nasty as shit, you're supposed to put gun powder on your eggs


I'd like to read more about the locations of the people i'm about to slaughter.


I'll always have faith in kids. They know so much more than I did. Kids are as smart as they ever were.  One of my favorite lines from a song is,     They'll learn much more, than I'll ever know. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.


Atheism is gay rights and has been for a while. And this chick or dude or whatever is definitely some kind of queer. Also, the kind of people who are religious are the EXACT same kind of people who say that rape victims were asking for it.

I'm going to allow this.


You may have been crying but you were quite a man to own up to it.


they both are, but I want to know the poster's thoughts. I'm expecting the typical white knight "He's a big jerk for punching a defenseless women".


Also, good for him for wearing shorts under his pants that day instead of just underpants.


This is now the new hub for all things unexpected!


I had a writing prof who insisted that we submit 1st, 2nd, 3rd, Etc Drafts online.

When I turned in my final draft, the anti-plagiarism software said that I plagiarized 90% of my paper.  It cited another students paper as the original source.  The link?  *My first draft that I submitted a week earlier*.


Huh. I'm torn between my principle of auto-downmodding novelty username accounts, and the fact that this is somewhat original. Fuck it. Novelty accounts are ruining reddit.

Downmodded.

**Edit: ಠ_ಠ**

**Edit: New personal record for downmods.**


so if you apply to NASA with a PhD your job is to run around outside


Hahah, can't respect respecting people? What a laugh.


Relax. She was just meeting up for kisses.


It's actually mindblowingly pathetic someone took the time to write all this. The irony is (not that I've considered reading the whole thing,) that he is posting as the killer, when he really should be killing himself.


nope. But im gonna do it right now

Edit: I am woman hear me roar!


No, it very literally means it isn't.  Good lord you lost stop with the spite down votes.


Strange japanese guy befriends you a couple of years, forgets a strange nintendo-product in your house, and disappears for good. The product spreads through the Internet and suddenly everyone thinks the Wii-pad feels small and handy.

Coincidence I think not.


That's not being a good wingman, thats being beta as fuck.


They all play themselves. The show is a bunch of goofy, comedian friends acting a plot together. It's perfect.

Edit: Dang. Now my highest upvoted comment is no longer my witty "compound incest" joke. Also RIP in piece inbox.


Meh, I just let reddit generate the title for me. Blame  the huffington post


Depends on the cheese.  Do you want a mozzarella? Cream cheese or yogurt cheese? If it's an aged cultured cheese I haven't got the humidity control to do those yet.

//15 year tech veteran here so I too know how to make cheese.


Personally I think it would look REALLY out of place in a yearbook. It's lovely makeup. Really very good makeup. But not a good picture day pic. My mom would be upset lol


I still enjoyed it, thank you.


So he used his own song over a gif he probably found on tumblr in a snapchat video? Don't really think that requires permission.


Posting a comment and somebody else posting something similar after, but they get all the up votes. ):

edit: thank you to my anonymous gilder.


WTF that's every marriage


Well that was an emotional rollercoaster.


Why would you upvote this guy, he is just complaining like a little bitch


Yes. If there is someone sitting on ~2 meters long bench on bus stop nobody else goes sit there. It's not that we hate people, we just don't like smalltalks.


There is literally nothing wrong with Zionist Marxism.


Waiting at a 4 way stop intersection.

"Go ahead."

"No, you go."

"It's alright, you can go."

"Just fucking go already."

*Both cars go and hit each other*


It's not the first time ive stopped taking the pill. I was very careful


Because of the context, I read your typo as "McQualified".

Edit: Thanks for the gold!


meh i've solved greater challenges in sim city


Or like only needing to push 1 yard to score the superbowl win and throwing the ball to the other team.


I just hate this kind of fake pretentious question, you don't know because;

a)We haven't been told and

b)You have a poor imagination.

What you realy mean is that you have imagined a scenario where an arch-villain is involved in a plot that make no logical sense .. ALL that means is you would make a crap writer in a thriller or horror genre.


I need to find me some sweaty dudes to wrestle, apparently.


Blacks and other minorities always "protest" like this. Looting and pillaging will follow. They will take any excuse to behave like the animals they are.


Right? Id sell my mom to Reddit for 800 upvotes!

EDIT: jesus fuck! Alright give me a minute

EDIT: heres my bottom earner her name is "Ma". http://imgur.com/HnL3hey

EDIT: Doubled my karma quota! No longer my bottom earner! Haha idk


You are in denial. Ive eaten out several pussies. If you actually take care of it and dont eat fast food all the time it doesnt smell and has a nice taste. Stop being a cunt and clean your fucking cunt you cunt.


Nice way of subtly calling her a whore for stealing your part.


WEDDIT WAT ID DA APETOL SCENCE HANDHWELD POTOL DEVIC??????????? MOMMYYY WHY ID DA GAMERS SO FWATTY????????????? DEY SO BIG MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


...I just looked for moving wheels in the picture. I'm not a smart man.


What a stupid reason to waste my bandwidth.

oh no, angry nerd downbloats x0

edit: I have no idea who /u/OneRandomCatFact is or why he/she is saying they're my friend.

edit 2: "Do what you must with your downvotes upon him". This is exactly why everyone hates this websites. DAE le downvotes?! Eat my dick you faggot.


Adam and Jamie's Weird Shitshow


Well apparently you get a solid buzz after just looking at two beers, enough to make you think that's how you spell alcohol


This man is good with words and stuff.


Haha, thank you. This is my first post.


Then turn around, stick it out, even other women have to admit that you appear to have the necessary physical attributes to produce many healthy offspring.


No.. no it doesn't. He wasn't discussing that. The analogy was about HOW we were conducting ourselves. None of his analogy was speaking to the gravity of WHAT we were discussing.


Still took him 5 hours to get up the stairs and his mom still hasn't seen him for months


*you're -- the rest of your post made about as much sense as not being able to figure out those words :(


Time to switch tabs, this is getting real.


Maybe you should take the dick out of you're gaping asshole then you pussy. Stop ruining my reddit with shitposts like this pls.


You try finding something to go with those tribal tats.


To make custom lighters and then smoke with them until your lungs fill up with tar and cancer, great choice!

Edit: It's ironic that there are so many neckbeards below me on this thread that pokes fun at neckbeards. How droll.


You are right. It's been really hard lately seeing her disinterested, but It's selfish of me not to and I'm sure I'd regret it later. Plus I love playing for the other residence there. I'll keep trying....I've just been in the dumps lately.


Eat a dick bitch, and get aids from a nigger please.


We would have also accepted "Who?"


>Will Smith

FTFY

EDIT: Fuck everybody.

EDIT: Donwvote me harder. I like it when you go down on me reddit.


Cause Jenny's a lying whore


OP has provided some convincing proof so far, but not enough for me to be sure enough to verify. I've asked him to provide a little bit more.


Only if used sparingly.  This can be a "the only time my father ever hit me was when he found out I was in a gang" moment, which sticks with you forever.  But if you get slapped around regularly, it sort of loses its impact.


What's the time slot so I can avoid this trash at all costs?


she would probably get drunk and ask me for money.


Blink 182 - unoriginality in lyrics

EDIT - -135 points? I ain't even mad. Blink 182 are fucking shit and they sing shit.


That's ok I was just browsing.


Contacting their sponsors? Why are you running around with a torch and a pitchfork?

Why would you waste your time trying to ruin it for others? Isn't that a little douchy?

EDIT: Instead of just downvoting me why not tell me why you think it's OK to go out your way with the single target of doing harm to others?


As an engineering student, I can tell you that you'll see a lot of boobs in your classes, but few of them will belong to women.


I used to thing rape and murder was just a shot away, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


That sure is ridiculous, fellow human! Hahaha! What a good day to be warm-blooded!


thanks for explaining the joke.

<shakes head>


You've glossed over the whole "airborne frogs" part.


Judging by his/her comments/profile, I'm calling you a liar.


Careful, things could take a Lovecraftian turn for the worst.


What do you have against pit bills? It's the owner that makes them mean. And you've obviously never had a dog before.


Why on earth did you buy the disembodied spirits of a bunch of fish in the first place?


and I'm saying the reason you gave, doesn't really count as one.


OP asked for a stereotype, not a fact.


It's pretty dead now, every server is awful.


Rumplemintz is a good name for a baby with fetal alcohol syndrome.

Life in the FAS lane!


It was born a dude.  It's a dude. Cutting off his dick and balls and pretending he's a girl doesn't make him a girl.  It makes him an it, lying and misrepresenting itself as a gender it isn't.


Keep an eye on that one. He's the kind that breaks the universe.


human life is. this thing has to many/not enough chromosomes compared to the human species


Cool you're poor, nobody cares.


Why do people keep suggesting rici-


I thought 4chan hated tosh related content


>She said she had a date planned for us and I'd have a sexy surprise waiting for me for when I got back. She winked at me and said sorry

Oh hell no


I didn't endure 56k speed 10 hour downloads of 10mb clips of Jenna Jameson when I was a high school kids so you could wack it to gifs from movies.  Luddites


This is actually a ploy. An incredibly evil ploy. If you hurry up, I win. If you walk at your normal pace, you win.


>An everlasting gob stopper.

FTFY


people can reword this, but this is basically it.

Preorders allow devs to make money off of bad games. There's no reason for them to change their business structure if their lazy method is currently profitable.


Underwhelming. What do people like about these shakey moving videos using Go Pros? I think you have to have ADD or something to like skiing. It just looks like a whole bunch of [white torture](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_torture) to me. I went once and had to cut my holiday with my friends short because it was fucking depressing to see snow everywhere.


For a woman: somewhere between ten minutes and two hours.


I think you mean SJWs

Yeah, I'm not going to delete it guys, no matter how much you h8.


Look at that broke student trying to be over-optimistic.


How did this get the most up votes. Don't encourage her to do more if it involves baby orgies and the toddler centipede. Smh


Wait...this is strange?


186 points and no reply? wow


My money is on X. Dude is cool with going to a hotel room just to hang out and "hold hands," guy is definitely a redditor.


Ahhh Thank you kind sir. Dont have one of because...... the PS3 has no games :|


http://i.imgur.com/wEkA59m.jpg   645 days played on 1 toon.  I regret nothing.


You are a retard stop doing this people are giving you pity karma and that is the worst kind of karma stop


We caused an earthquake in New Zealand during Tribute, Google it bitch


DIS ID FUNNY CAWSE DA SHITTY ADVICE AMINAL SUBWEDDIT WILL MAKE DA MEME FROM DA OP'S PICTEUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMYY WAT ID DA APETOL SCIENCE HANHEWD POTOL DEVICE??????????? GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That doesn't sound healthy, man. You should just masturbate to Sim doppelgangers of your ex, like I do.

Seriously though, The Sims is a powerful and dangerous tool that lets you pretend to have the life you want.


What did he think was gonna happen when he started using the strategy of playing dead when his owner got home in order to avoid abuse?


Later we laughed over this silly anecdote at the Klan meeting


Did you seriously just fucking use the word mansplaining? I'm sorry. You are not to be taken seriously. I don't know how I ever cared what you had to say even for a second.


That's when you pull out a notebook, write something while tutting, then give them a smile and say, "okay, on with the rest of the inspection."

EDIT: Finally my top comment isn't about LSD and a Downs Syndrome kid.


Can we all just agree that you're all terrible people here in this sub?

Edit: whey.


I fucking hate that whole "Wait, I can explain!!" bullshit.


I am. It's dope as tits.


Dude....

I don't know why I didn't think of this before.

Be right back, learning two verses in case our paths cross.


Then who was camera?

edit: I see our newfriends are here tonight.


That's just depressing.


Here's a reupload of the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0


This may be the most appropriate use of this meme in reddit's history.


I haven't used an Aqueduct in my life.


WOOO HOO! Which record did I break?


**America > Every other country.**

**Deal with it Eurofags.**


Usually peoples refers to multiple groups of people.


Yeah, i have a feeling that every guy on here would like to do naughty things to the new you....


You're a menace to society.


your like one of those ppl who thinks america is the whole world... reddit is hardly "the whole internet". probably less than 0.02% of all traffic, doosh...


I loved in Arrested Development when Michael went to meet with a lawyer about a news special on TV. The lawyer tried to show him the clip on TV, but they had to wait for commercials and for it to actually air.


hijacking top comment. does anyone know how to break snopes.com on chrome so i can highlight text? fuck them and that javascript shittyness.


Being at a [7] my brain couldn't process the awesomeness, and I kept thinking "awesome, a picture of the [10] guy" and "awesome, a picture of Bill Murray," but it took me at least 2 minutes to finally put them together.  And now I'm wondering if framing a picture from reddit of people I don't know is weird.


You need to learn the definition of homophobic (hint, saying fag doesn't equal homophobia dumb ass), and you need to watch Powerthirst and learn the meaning of the term douchefag.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-3qncy5Qfk


WHAT, YOU'RE IN PHYSICAL AGONY FROM WAITING FOR HL3?

MAN DUDE YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING HARDCORE FAN, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US ALL ABOUT IT?

*edit: yup, i deserved those downvotes, i insulted valve fans AND gabe newell in the same satirical context.*


Tina turned out to be a babe too

http://i.imgur.com/YN4wbz9.jpg


**all reasonable punishments. America has highest number of prisoners, why? Weak punishments**


You mean *sadistic* dick.


Oh, haha. /s
Seriously though, those are just the basics of Anime, and most, if not all people on this sub would know those ones. I personally do recognize a lot of them, but can't put a name to them, as I do not remember names from anime character that well.


That motherfucker is pure class.


I used to dominate saggin', but then I took an arrow too the knee!


Doesn't Matter, Had Rex.


Yeah like that makes you any less a faggot. Stupid faggot is stupid.


Fuck yeah you can cuss.  This is America.


If by hero u mean tard who wasted 200 dollars, then yes >.>


Oh My God.

Holy shit.

You guys.

Hitler is just Michael Scott from the Office...


You should visit the USA, they put cops even in schools and college campuses. What the fuck.


Explain why I'm five


Dude, why do you care!  Stop defending some dumb bitch you've never met!


**HR is NOT your friend. Their function IS to protect the Company . Do not forget this advice**

This needs to be said over and over and over again. I wish I could give you more than one upvote.


Are you sure that the Gamergate glasshouse is really the one you want to be in while throwing "no exclusion mechanism" stones at people?


You could have taken a picture...


socially awkward yet you have the confidence to scream and shout, mhm...


it must have aim assist.......


Wow, you don't think it's a little fucked up to post private messages on a public forum?

edit:typo


Trying to play in a car at night and holding it up high so the headlights from the car behind lit it up


I'm e-famous bro, I can't help it if people upvote my shit.


The best part about this whole thing is that when Sibrel sued him in court for the punch, the judge looked at the footage and threw out the case.

Justice system prevailed after all.


Nononono...as a lesbian, please no. I was looking for a supportive subreddit of discussion, I found porn. Which is awesome, but not when the community had to make the real sub [/r/actuallesbians](/r/actuallesbians).


i really like louise, but i think bob likes Tina best. She's the most reasonable


Not spam stop being an asshole.


A guy with three penises who fought off a bear and became president.


The USMC is not part of the Navy. They are a sperate branch.


I'm a straight guy and I do this a lot too. For people who don't really understand why, here's my reasoning for it... When I look at another dude and think of him as handsome, I try to single out the qualities behind why he is. Then, I think about if I have those qualities or how I can obtain them, if possible...


Not my problem. A killer is a killer.

Savage hypocrite uses the army as an excuse to kill but then complains when the army kicks him out for not obeying their rules.


18 [f], super shy, first post, does Reddit have any love for girls with amazing boobs and flawless skin?


Oh great. Thanks for spotting this. Should I take it down?


"That's amazing! How did they ever do that? Well they just threw human death and suffering at it until it was complete." - Louis C.K.


First I just want to say, since I was linked here from srd, that you're missed as a moderator there.

But anyway, isnt accommodation theoretically possible? I mean, the military seems to jump through tremendous hoops to accommodate pregnancies, including many of the things you describe like altered deployments, pt, uniforms, duty, and so on.


Step 1- marry claire.
Step 2- become president.


Yeah but yours isn't actually a "bullshit" comment. Consent can legally be revoked retroactively in the absence of a written contract. (FWIW, I'm a lawyer who represents a lot of college kids who get themselves into this kind of situation).


I prefer this over the food recylcer.


If it helps, I downvoted myself.


It's called "Paris, Texas."


Came here to say this.  Upboat for you!


YOU ARE NOW BEING INVESTIGATED BY THE NFL FOR UNLAWFUL USE OF THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUES SOLE PROPERTY AND POSSESION

Edit: he likes it! Mikey really likes it!


that actually is a pretty sweet stegosaurus. if there were more people like you, buddy, i wouldn't need to exist.


Not-Gay-Guy: Sorry man, I'm straight.

Gay-Guy: So is spaghetti. Until it gets **hot**.

*Meow*


Down voted comment goes here too


That sounds fucking AWESOME.


Your point being ? Reposts (after a good amount of time) matter because ?


Oh YEAH!

Sean Bean was great! Huge fan of Game of Thrones! So bummed Ned Stark got murdered! So happy to work with Ned Stark! He's the chillest person ever. He's like... just a normal British guy whom you can just shoot the shit with.


It's a very recently developed myth that yellow urine means you're dehydrated or unhealthy.

It's piss.  It is supposed to be yellow.  If it's clear, you are overhydrating.


There should definitely be a science mission to Europa


You do realize it's a guy, right?


Don't be irrational, that's AbSurd.


Have a le downvote.

"Animated" comics are cartoons. This is in the wrong sub and I have asked the mods to pull it.

Irregardlessly, he should have paid ATTENTION and not damaged the other vehicle.


Seriously, regardless of what you're wearing, stripping someone's pants like that is a horrendous thing to do.


Literally every Premier League player will be able to do that.

I don't understand how people on this sub are impressed by such basic things. It's like you've never played football yourself.


Plot to new movie 1.27 hours starring a kid


Step 3 is learning that there IS no help without MONEY.

'It sounds to me'...ok, stop right there. I'm done with you...opinionated, inexperienced and loudmouthed, as usual.


The invention of the saw was extremely cutting edge


I replied to a Dyrus post.

Downvote me.


Thrust to weight is optimizing for a surprisingly low thrust level, even when accounting for the added mass of plumbing and structure for many engines. Looks like a little over 230 metric tons (~500 klbf) of thrust per engine, but we will have a lot of them :)


my response in no way indicated any sort of stance on any kind of theism. the world is not that black and white. please either make sense or shut the fuck up.


And by leaving his son something he makes it that much harder for it to actually be contested - because it makes it clear it was not an oversight and yes, he really wanted that.


The profession is noble, the way he goes about it is not.


Dubai is an incredible achievement in terms of human building but it is, to me, hell on earth. Everything about it from the oppressive humidity to the oppressive culture.


No point being jealous. Trying to one up me on the internet isnt going to make you any more successful in real life.


I only wash my hands if i touch something dirty. And my dick ain't dirty.

Edit : It was just a joke i heard somewhere, but i learned a lot about bacteria today haha.


Or over a decade ago.. This is definitely an old one.


He knows what it's called he just wants you to think he doesnt.


yeah if i dont get 50 bans this month i wont make our quarter production target


"I saw a mudcrab the other day. Disgusting creatures."
"Good bye!"


Oh my god I hate you.  Can there exist a 4chan post without a Jimmies Rustled?  No, because 4chan and all the wanna-be-4chan Redittors like yourself are the epitome of conformity.


Plus, braille has a system of contractions such that you often don't need to spell out entire words, which saves a ton of space.


Uhhh... noone cares, buddy.


In terms of noticing: 7 or 8.

In terms of realizing that its like something that matters: 12.


I do not deny the want for karma.  I don't know why people make it seem like a bad thing!  Seriously, reddit has turned into a lot of haters.


Dumb stuff?  I don't like dumb stuff.


Jeez sketch what gives? I finally get a post headed for the front page and you gotta come in here and try to outshine me? It's messed up man. Let someone else get some karma for once...


And now I am existentially question what authority truly is


OUT OF HIS WAND!!

**#YOLO!!!!!!!!!!**


The most heart-wrenching thing I've seen on reddit so far it's the saying:

"Growing up really poor means realizing in your twenties that mommy was lying when she said she already ate "


Check it again.  They aren't considered a charity If less than 5% of the money goes to charity

Edit: I meant to say, check the most recent statistics.  I thought that if a charity didn't give more than 5% of it's income, they could not consider themselves to be a charity.  I would like to know if they had gotten under that and if they should still be able to reap the tax benefits.  Sorry


How *dare* you. Ketchup and hot dogs go *fantastically* together!


If you post it here, it's going to get removed. Just FYI.


Yea, now you have a pet rat which you have to feed pythons.

Much more expensive though.


Are you admitting that you lied in your title and it was actually *you* who forgot to put the trashcan back?

Because if so, I have a picture of a pile of sticks with your name on it.

Edit: nvm I can't read

Edit 2: y'all must be very angry that I made a mistake.


I hope you took care of the snitch


I used to be an innocent bystander, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Just look around /r/conspiracy for 5 minutes, holocaust denial everywhere and they commonly refer to it as the "holohoax". Sickening

Edit: lol according to a thread in conspiracy I am a paid shill or something with an agenda against them. News to me!

I don't think everyone over there is a holocaust denier, and I may have worded my post poorly.


He probably doesn't.

Only /r/atheists feel the need to force their belief system down everyones throats.


Yea man, uptown funk.


the thing is like shuffled said, i still want to fix things. i cant go from going to propose to her to ditch her like this and go fuck around with another friend in vegas. fucking women holding men back


Two cows are in a field, one says "mooooo!", the other says "that's what I was going to say."


Yea who cares, that old fart can die any minute, better mint him for some karma.


Don't you mean **Marten** Luther King?


I'm pretty sure my post has to do with gaming so I fail to see the problem


Why would he send it to your parents..?


I keep hearing this and yet there's never any evidence that it actually does "go a long way". We're doing just fine, I'm not going to lie to my viewers about how much they matter. One of 700,000 odd people, your opinion has to contend with everyone else's and they're all equally important.

EDIT : Reddiquette is a lost art when jimmies are rustled it would seem.


I had a customer send back well done prime rib 3 times because it wasn't "well done" enough.  The cooks said fuck it the 4th time  and dropped it in the deep fryer for at least 5 min.  Then the customer asked for a side of ketchup.


Yeah, too bad I want to play the first game in each series before playing the sequels.


Oh fuck this. I'm going to bed.


don't blame reddit.. blame the guy who posts to funny and doesn't care about absolute facts in lieu of making a joke.. me!


> ...and as he looks around, the dildo slooowly slides out of his ass.

_Blooooooop.   Pbtpbptpb._


Don't say repost without providing proof.

(spoiler) you didn't provide any proof because it's never been posted to reddit before, fool!


Nintendo released an official timeline.


> Read the post again. Just because it is a site that hosts videos does not mean it is the same as youtube. Plus I am pretty sure less than 0.0001% of youtube's content is indie films that don't exist anywhere else. I am talking about a site that specializes in JUST that, as in 100%.


I just looked up the value of a PT Cruiser and you're exactly right. According to the KBB, a used PT with 60-80,000 miles in my regional market is worth approximately -$13,000 due to its detrimental effects on life.


The comment was removed when I was unfriended :(


Crystal Methany.

Edit: Uh, wow. This is a first


Oh wait...they won't have one because the money they spend on Chik Fil A went to anti-gay marriage organizations. Oh well.


_"I'm so sorry to hear that your husband beat you up with a baseball bat. Would you apologize for being the person he hates?"_


4-0 at the allianz

http://www.footballwood.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Real-Madrid-vs-Bayern-Munich-Results-goals-video.jpg


seoul city hall was 100,000 people!


Nope. I think it's the most loving & kind thing to do in this life.


I am currently homeless, and I don't look it because there are tons of resources in the city I am located. I walked 11 miles one day just to get an interview. wasn't even an interview, was him telling me if he will call me again. lets hope he calls me! I had a big resume, and I sent an email after saying thank you for the interview!


REALLY?  WHY WOULD YOU LIE LIKE THAT???

EVERYTHING ON THIS PIECE OF SHIT SOUNDS BAD.  IT ALL SOUNDS LIKE FAGGOT-TEIR NEW AGE HOMO WHITE GUY RAP.


You're not trying hard enough.


Trained monkeys are the best we've got at the moment.


My heart was attacked, by a knife.


STOP WANTING TO BE TREATED LIKE A HUMAN BEING


There were lots of things that I thought was fun. My week began with trying out Google and that was something that i really thought was fun and toally new.


then the check itself what?  You can't just stop half way through without telling me what the check itself did after it cost more to print that check.


MY MAN

Obligatory edit: So I almost quadrupled my karma by saying two words, wtf reddit?


this is both sad and appalling, dont tell people you like ska, cause you clearly dont.


No shots on goal yet? What a slow sport with limited scoring chances.


Google is your friend. I don't care to educate you on how the world works, bro, you should have been figuring it out a long time ago.


I'm 33 and this doesn't work anymore. :(


Haha. Upvote for hamplanet.


I think it's accurate, relatively speaking, for I once rubbed my own moustache off from sidling up to a Tom Sizemore lit fart. While urinating on an Amy Grant cassette.


Yeah, isn't it great of them to focus on micro transactions rather than pushing actual content?

This is obviously an attempt to 'collaborate' the community a little and hope to pump out more from Steam workshop sales.

EDIT: shit i forgot I was on Reddit, where you suck gabes dick or face the consequences.


Good job using those eye thingies.


>Bad people deserve to be called out.

OK then, get out. I don't see any reason you should remain here if you do not understand the purpose of the subreddit or think it's ok to show up someplace and harass the moderators. Not to mention your flagrant violation of rule 2 there.


To be fair, you don't bring much to the table.


Your exclamation is sickening, nothing about this case or any cases regarding rape are "Very good!". Your gender stereotyping is also ridiculous, lying is not native to just women, men are quite capable of it too.

Edit: 100 downvotes for saying that nothing about rape is good. Only on Reddit of course.


She blinks when you do.


you certainly don't, because you're with a big group of people who get their views and opinions from(or reinforced by) vegas magicians, so you're super happy and confident in yourself, congratulations on being dumb.


"Do you know Obama?"

"I am Obama."

"... really?"

"Of course not! Can't you tell the difference? I expect better from you, Jackie Chan."

"I'm not Jackie Chan."

"... whoops."


well he sure did quiet you down. you only posted like five messages in this thread (so far).

did you ever consider that every time you post, you may reset the countdown timer on removal of your page? like maybe if you did shut the fuck up and apologize for your behavior, it would eventually come down?


Crinkling intensifies


OH SHI- i lol'd, upvote for you lol


Certified gay man here: I've had gay sex that was less gay than that idea.


Or you could get good taste in music and not buy Fall Out Boy?


I will say one thing about the picky pizza people: You get it right for them, you become their new best friend. And it kinda feels good.


man, i feel very sorry for him and his family.
but the truth is, he died for nothing. it was senseless. he shouldn't have gone to war, it was a pointless war and a pointless death.


I think he brings a brilliant message, especially to young people; you often fail on the path to success. He's broadcasting, very publicly, the failures of this endeavour, embracing them and making them part of the process.


Really? Even after reading the title of the video? So which is it? Are you lying that you did not expect the ending for karma, or are you that oblivious?


Do you not get morning mouth? I can't imagine having that all day!

Edit: I am getting a lot of replies claiming they remedy this with coffee or tea...no you don't. You are likely making it worse. People must be leaning away from you all day.


Downtown New York?  New York is a state.  Do you mean downtown Manhattan/Bronx/Queens/Brooklyn?


He's the Adam Sandler of non Adam Sandler movies.


Wow. The Obama defense brigade is in full force. Posted 8 minutes ago and I already have -9.


It's one-way glass obviously.


Thank you for agreeing in the most hostile way you could muster.


i can taste it.  the spring water.

it's good


Okay, I'm somewhat familiar with Crohn's...that's completely different, to me at least. Valid point of comparison.

My understanding of IBS, however, is that it's just stress-related discomfort in the bowels--which would be pretty absurd to compare to pancreatic cancer.


Moist.  Moist.  Moist.  Moist.  Moist.


This doesn't jive with my inner dude logic. Every day may be a bit much but once every two weeks means something is wrong with that guy. Check his browser for gay porn.


No one suspects Jesus to be under the giant Buddha statue.


I was hoping someone would tell them to shut the fuck up.

It's Jenga, you didn't win the lottery. Chill with the orgasm.


it would be really hard to be a straight male yoga instructor and not have a permanent boner.


I thought it was pretty funny.

Edit: Yes, Downvote me for having an opinion. Keep on downvoting me. You guys apparently like to. Lets see how low i can get. If i get -5000 i will post a video of me eating poop.


Too bad they don't fire people for putting too much lettuce.

edit: Sweet lettuce I hit the hive mind.


Out of all the African countries, would you say the Congolese take the cake?


Maybe he was big on Feng Shui.


so what. If that's how the community wants to be, let them.


I identify sexually as an apache attack helicopter.


> She died today

Lolz. I guess your shaving your head accomplished a whole lot of nothing then.


Ahaha... I can just see you telling everyone you know tonight "I corrected the president on his grammar today."


He has *never* posted in here before. His post should be disregarded, especially since he essentially came here for the sole purpose of attacking a mod.


That last line is fucking legit.


Lololol tmi

Ayyy negative hundreds. This should get me a reddit medal.


I bet op feels like a dumbass now


They never spoke of it, but the many years she spent in mental institutions later in life went someway to explaining it.


That's the only thing about being a slave.


Uuuuum, it used to be my planet, but then I took an arrow to the knee. :(

*edit: stop downvoting me it's a funny joke from skyrim. If you don't no what that is look it up on google you will see it's pretty funny.*


OP:  So doc, where do I put my pants?

Doc:  Right over there next to mine.

Edit: There be gold in them hills! Thanks kind stranger!


Used **le** same move twice. Love it.


So what have you done with the other 98 condoms?


So glad your kid is dead faggot, knowing your queer spawn will never taint this world helps me sleep better at night.


Despite your warning I feel the need to try this now.


It's like he's trying to win a decathlon of life fucked-upness.


I haven't had a lot of that, but probably Ms. USA Carrie Prejean. She said I was inappropriate and pulled off her microphone. I asked her why she agreed to settle her lawsuit and I guess she didn't like that. It still boggles my mind why she would consider such a basic question inappropriate. I still think it was relevant and a good question.


I'm sure he thinks about some of my friends in a similar way, guys are even more evolutionary disadvantaged when it comes to monogamy and maintaining it.


One time I had just finished making chocolate milk and was still standing in the kitchen when I started to wonder what time it was.

Instead of glancing at the microwave less than a foot from me, I decided to check my watch, and proceeded to just dump all of my chocolate milk.

I've never worn a wristwatch in my life. I don't know why I thought I had one on.


Well based on the fact you're lying to her already, I hope she says no.


weird, I taste semen.


**FUCK YOU SQUARE ENIX!!**. You slanteyes make shit for games, and then fuck US over so you can PRETEND to be charitable.  Sorry assholes.  Get yourself some lawyers and prepare for the coming payouts to your customers.  Never trust anyone willing to do Pearl Harbor.  Never forget.


That's because white men can't jump.


No "directed by M. Night Shamylananananer comment on this?
Reddit, I am disappoint..


"Given enough time, hydrogen starts to wonder where it came from, and where it is going."

-Hydrogen


An adult who basically says "fuck you call the cops, we won't stop obstructing the public sidewalk"


But without having to move your hands


The holocaust was terrible.

Edit: Really, I'm getting downvoted for this?

Edit 2: I guess I found the scum of Reddit.

Edit 3: I'm just shocked so many people support the holocaust.


bullshit. There is no way an adult would actually believe that there is a toilet smasher running around committing breaking and entering just to smash a toilet.


Is it just me or has reddit just gone full retard? Second line of my comment, READ IT. You're acting like a total jerk if you're THAT lazy. Now go back to your miserable life and think about what you did wrong.


It isn't all about the pictures. The main goal for the terrorists is to divide muslims and non-muslims in Europe so the muslims will feel more alienated here and are attracted to the fight in Syria and Iraq. More people for them to fight the jihad.

(Spread hatred and create a following, like /u/slonghair_dontcare below says.)


Omg her name is cow... are you fat? Fat people tend to have sweatier areas so maybe thats why u have stank puss.


Breaking News: Elderly couple found dead, VHS tape archive missing, Lemon Stealing Whore suspected


It's kind of borderline abusive to encourage television addiction. Borderline. Anyway, this guy presented a lot of peer reviewed research and as much as parenting is an individual journey I think it's okay to present actual information as such.


You mean the Master of Mesopotamia


I LOL'd when I saw it.  There are a lot of 1%ers who worked in the finance companies of the WTC.  These 1%ers voted for Bush and Bush's middle east policies were a big reason we were attacked.

What goes around comes around.

Funny how people love videos of bullies getting their ass beat... unless  their country is the bully.


The other companies "almost" tried landing


THERE IS A PAINTED STRIPE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GLASS AT CHIN LEVEL.

He's an idiot, your friend is an idiot, and so are you, SHOVE YOUR DOWNVOTE UP YOUR ASS and go rape a goat, you fucked-up shitstick.

Edit: "Reddit - Where it's okay to be wrong, because you can still downvote the other person like a petulant child!"


This is what I do. Not a good paying job, but it feels good to help these people, even if they don't realize that you're helping them. It does make me want to never end up like them.

Edit: I got gold. DOUBLE Gold! Thank you, anonymous magicians of glory. And thank you to everyone for your wonderful replies.


I thought of the same thing, and seeing that it only netted you 5 points, I don't feel like it's worth typing anyway.


Did you know photons have mass??

I didn't even know they were Catholic.


That "guy" has some nice titts huh?


What the hell are you talking about?


Don't post your life story on anonymous websites, if you want only good comments.

Common sense, motherfucker, do you use it?


Havent you heard of premature-ejacucannon?


Reeks of bluepill desperation. Men can be truly great. Men can also be truly great at shooting themselves in the foot.


Damn son I hope you went to business school


The tooth gap really ties the ugly together.


And it becomes yellow when we pee it out


holy shit...this is freaky....me too!!! o_O_O_o_O_o_O


Well technically it would cure your AIDS. Unfortunately it would also cure you of life.


first of all .. this is bullshit, SHE IS FEMALE. the controversy about her being a male is from a rumor in the Forbes Magazine in 2001 ... OP : GET YOUR FACT RIGHT THE NEXT TIME U SAY SOMETHING TO REDDIT PLEASE..

**upvote pls for visibility so people don't get scammed**


Dude, you better have bought that guy so many rounds. Jesus christ, that's the most bromantic thing I've ever heard.


I'm pretty relaxed. I just thought it was humorous.


Well... I should have prepared for this thread.


While our options for planets to live on are a bit limited at the moment, I fixed the part about coexisting in the same subreddit :)


This is Jordan Schlansky, one of Conans producers. He is always in sketches with him being super over the top pretentious about everything.


please, /r/pokemon is all reposts and none of you hate it.


When giving a handy my ex would always say "ugh, are you almost there?" instant buzzkill.

Edit: Y'all give some weird responses. Goddamn. Plus, I never thought this would be one of my top comments.


*Congratulations bro, I'm a lesbian. Come home with me and my friend and you can watch.*

THAT should cover it.


Except OP is going to think I'm an asshole if I sneeze wrong.


Definitely not have you ever played football in your life? That's a great hit, in fact that's what your taught to do


He isn't. It's an illusion.


Defiantly less feminine. Probably more testosterone in her than your average male.


Needless to say, uncomfortable.


U.S. embassy employees are not random people. They are employees of the Enemies of Islam, working in the beachheads set up by them in the Muslim lands as bases from which to continue their war on Islam and Muslims.


The *Dallas Mom* haircut.


I don't particularly care. Moderating isn't always a popular job.


He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're on the can.

He'll hunt you down and blast your ass, from here to Pakistan.

Oh!

You'd better not breathe, You'd better not move,

You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude.

Santa Claus is gunning you down!


Oh god. Is this stupid dead horse circlejerk STILL happening? Guess so.


It took me a good minute to realize that she did not in fact lick the door.

Edit: Thanks for the gold! Haha


dude you were a pussy if you let a bitch control you like that.  I hope you're a man these days and don't take that kind of shit in relationships just for some pussy.


Sounds like a future theatre major, honestly.


> Kramer is a modern day philosopher.

I wouldn't go that far... he's funny sure. I get that you're not being serious but that statement was kind of weird.


Impressive speech improvement for one day


WOAH MAN YOU FUCKED A FAT CHICK???

SO COOL i wish i could be like you and fakerape an obese feminist with myopia and bad skin


Did this to my dad when I was 10. He's a computer programmer and has been programming since the original apple but when it happened he was stumped! He was about to re-install windows when I told him what I did. I got grounded for a week. :(


single, divorced, living off a shit load of child support money = OP


Pam: "Can you explain compounding interest to Cheryl?"

Cyril: "Maybe if we had an infinite amount of time and she was some one else."


It's what I sincerly think about this fucking faggot and his stupid kids.


Team PI!

Edit: Woowww gold! Thanks so much!!


People non-ironically defend spoonfeeding, and people link to streams. This is reddit alright.


So painful to read, but this quote should be in every french History book in every french school. Merci pour le partage.


This comment has been reported as spam and i am now able to confirm it is spam. The comment is offensive to users for being racist and linking to underage porn. It will be downvoted.

Did i get this right?

Please upvote me so i am able to continue to help eliminate spam from this site.


Damnit, I just tried it in a room full of people...


Then put a downvote and leave.


you went to see Evansecence? i thought she was blind, not deaf.


Do tell me what the point is, oh patronising one.


Pretty ironic how you did the same thing. You know your audience is reddit. That being said I also extremely dislike her.


LOL $CHAN IS SO FUNNY SJIOEFOHWIOHJ AJOJAHAHHA J$CHNCANANN$4$$$H$HCAN SO FUNNY LULZZZZ WE ARE LEGIONNNNSNNSNSNSNNSN YWIWWEEEHHAHHAHAHAHAHAZ OMG


Is that why girls don't exist any more

^^^^God ^^^^damn ^^^^nazis.


Id really like to see you become the most subscirbed to channel on youtube or any other video site on the internet.

You faggot.


Thats when you ask for a demonstration


Lol, you sound like fun. It's OP's fault for losing his hat, I'm not going out of my way to bring it to a lost and found


>Please tell me I'm not the only one who thought she was going to fuck him from behind at this point?

You're not alone. My first thought was "Oh man, she's going to peg him and he's going to tell us how great it turned out."


A death does not bring together a community unfortunately.


Where were you WHEN I NEEDED YOU


I'm not sure Oregon is very high on anyone's bucket list.

should visit Washington instead, we're like Oregon's Canada.

[edit] ok ok, Oregon is a very nice place and the person offering a place to stay is a kind and thoughtful Oregonian. I have duly noted that stupid jokes are not appreciated in serious threads.


Yes, but then yawn and masturbate into a toilet.


Sadly, most won't get the reference. Upboat none the less!


That and you can't even see the CPU in this image.

Get your fucking title right o.p.


I'm curious, what's so edgy about my comment?

I mean these actors train to keep a straight face, most of them have done improv and if they can't keep a straight face, they're shit, that's all there is to know.

He's probably on some drugs if he breaks kayfabe like that.


Sometimes I look at my niece and I just know, with a well placed punch, I could kill her. She's 3. Fucked up, I know. Wtf brain.


Bah.  I don't watch football to see two men wear bras and tickle each other.

At least if he gets crippled and has to retire from college football he can finally get a sponsorship deal.  From V8 or Dole or someone.


"I'd rather have a full relationship then bang some random girl and never call her again."

Prime example of the difference between 'than' and 'then'.


GOO GOO WHY ID DA ACTOR MAN SAD MOMMMYY???????????? I WANA PWAY WIT DA ACTOR MAN GOO GOO GAGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Dude, your English might be better than my English.


I used to sit in my bunk in Afghanistan, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


You think it's hard to find scholarships as a white girl, try it as a white dude.


you're right - this is the only possible scenario, its not like any of the  police behind the ones with shields had their hands free..


Or Cheryl/Carol/Cristal/Carina/Cherlene.


im sorry, reposts are bad on reddit? since when xD

(saw this on front page, have no idea what drama is going down, OP was TL;DR)


I guess he just noticed... *Puts on sunglasses* ...All the Small Things.


Fuck you and your fucking pun jokes.


Lying all over the guy in the $6000 suit pants? Come on!!!


shut up and go /b/ack to 4chan


She was talkin' bout his dick ayy lmao


Was not aware this was a known person. Fantastic regardless!


How much did they sell for?


lol your face got uglier with each picture did some arab throw acid on your face because you didn't want to be his wife?


You would've needed the black light on for that.


The thought of that is a trigger for me.


As someone who worked in the service industry for several years, these people would have left a similar note and not tipped if their check came first.  "You were trying to rush us out because we are black"

Some people just don't tip and will come up with whatever rationalization they can along the way so they feel good about it.


Not sure if you're trying to make us sound like Canuck hicks or if this is some gay reference to bears, but maybe you should come visit us when you get your head removed from your ass. :)


Don't do maxes any more, but I've ended my sets lately on 420 three times.


With that writing style, I can see why you just teach 12 year olds.


Thrift store I think. I had a little leather satchel too, because you know, indiana jones. It probably looked more like something a 1970's girl guide would have though.


The pup is not an "IT."


I was high when i posted this.


Your comment really added a lot to the discussion.  Thanks.


Or because nobody else is


I am a gay vegetarian and this is indeed one of the few problems. I've convinced my boyfriend to not eat meat though, at least not fish. And he is doing allright. I am sure that he is not a traitor like yourelf >:( Pigs are, well, sentient beings that suffer :(


It's like a chicken trying to say Mark.


How dare you question reddit? Down with you sir!

edit: My most downvoted comment on reddit! Thanks to everyone that helped me get to where I am today. I need a couple dozen more to beat Konch though, help a brotha out


if you think too long
you'll probably break down and cry


USEFOW CWAWIFICATION MOMMY USEFOW CWAWIFICATION!!!! GOO GOO!!!!


That ruined the flanders dynamic for me too


No, there's nothing funny about it. Posting FB shit on Reddit pisses me off. Stop it, it's not funny, it's not clever, it's just fucking annoying.


How fucking hard would it have been for them to say "it's my LATE father's birthday"?


and thats why education in america suffers. this is like the only country where teachers dont actually chew out students.


It all makes sense now... a softball field is the shape of a diamond.


Lol you guys are a bunch of trolls.


Islamic state joins Comcast.


> I wOuLd bE a vilLaiN fRoM lE 90s bUT i TOoK aN ARrOw tO Le kNeE!!!


Update 2

- I hired a PI and came to the conclusion Adnan Syed did it
- Jay is Mr. X
- Mail-Crimp is the best service

Update 2.1

- Thank you to [Tappanga](http://www.reddit.com/user/Tappanga) for the gold.   I've never really watched *Boy Meets World*, but thank you for spending that sweet, sweet TV money for this.


ikr how can someone turn into such a loser scrub


Glenn has a name, dammit!


Ill take it over [please unban it.](http://www.reddit.com/r/redditrequest/comments/wphuz/only_mod_inactive_and_unable_to_handle_reports_i/)


I can see it now...

**FOX NEWS EXCLUSIVE! BARRACK HUSSEIN OBAMA ANSWERS QUESTIONS ON PEDOPHILE FORUM CALLED REDDIT**


Yeah, but you left out how totally fucking awful he is.


I reuse plastic containers as food storage. I think it is better for the environment.


She is a minor, he should have known better. He deserves whatever sentence he gets.


Yes for the same reason I accept the risk of flying to the ISS - because it is important for our future (if the dinosaurs had a space program they'd still be here)


I can't believe people are still asking for this. You might as well just buy the damn game already because there's no telling how long it'll be for it to come out.


Upboated!

Edit: Downvotes?? Really???


Haha my favorite was when Sheen asked Jimmy why they were able to breath in space and as Jimmy starts explaining, and then Carl starts singing really loudly.


I would take a buttered penis over an uncircumcised penis anyday.


HOW DO FROGS GET IN THE SKY?


Shit is not a nice word. Try another word such as 'poop!' Mmkay?


The questions got dark. The demographics stayed white.


Last facial album we made didn't do so well.. This was an amazing shot and we want to make sure people will actually want to see it lol.


E equals mc square in the jaw, bitch!


I am an American citizen by the way. But as a Canadian citizen and a subject of the Crown, I eagerly await the justifications of an American flying a symbol of treason against MY country.


What are you like 100 years old?


I'd take the version without political freedom thanks.


Reminds me of the Futurama parody where he realises his eyesight isn't that bad and he can still read large-print book.s

*Eyes fall out*

Well, at least I can read braille.

*Hands fall off*

*Head falls off*


hitler did nothing wrong


You stressed me out.


Why so many Kenyans come to Hawaii. Perhaps Hawaii has abundant bananas to eat and women to rape. Obanana father raped white woman and then ran away. Other Kenyans has the dream do to the same and make their kids to become the President of U.S.A.


> she was unemployed, pregnant, and stuck with some deadbeat asshole.

Guess the condom broke.


Same, he didn't hit parallel. What does it matter at that point?


I'd like to see the pope fighting a big muscular guy while his little Asian boy sidekick fights a freaky voodoo kid.


They're actually autographs of the gamemakers.


Tell them about how you took Alicia's Brown-virginity.


I used to subscribe to this subreddit, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


"I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in."


Ouch who invited the actual geek?


Why do elephants paint their toenail red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

What?

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

No.

See how well it works.


haha, you dumb bitch.


I truly love the whole cast.  I suppose I'll stay bestest friends with Angela and Jenna.  Oscar just had a baby girl!  Named August.  I'm going to kidnap her and sell her in Venezuela.  I still see and talk to Steve occasionally too.


You mean, "Thank science" ?


While we're at it:

Raisins are dried grapes
and Prunes are Dried Plums


What the hell kind of pipette measures ul's? Oh wait, did you mean **100 μl**???
Sorry, I thought someone who claimed to work in a critical position would be a little more careful with their metric system. Asshole.


Joey's got some whispering to do


MY MOMMY SAYD DAT DA WEDDITORS CANT HAVE DA SEXY TYME CAWSE DEY NOT MARRYED AND DAT DA GAWD IS GONNA WAPE DEM IN DA HEAVAN GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


And then there are those of us that DID pay for the app before it was bought out and made official.


I don't have anything to say. I just thought your comment was funny and wanted to do more than upvote.


Mine's similar - my mom walked in on me and a friend (I didn't have a boyfriend at the time, this was just a very close FWB) cuddling after sex once..I was 19..and she called me a slut for a really long time after. Like would send me letters and emails, basically just to call me a slut.


LOL TOO SOON RON PAUL 2012 XDXDXDXDDXDXDDXXDXXD LELELELEL -cARL sAGAN


youre some kind of evil


thats cool i guess

except new vegas was absolute shit


Ripperoni in Pepperoni 😭

EDIT: Many thanks to the kind user who have me gold! Glad I could help brighten someone's day😊


Go post that in /r/trashy.


Why the fuck would you do that?


in so long? i started on lem and since i ranked up to supreme i've never been below supreme. i have yet to see a real one outside of videos. :$


Sounds like she was planning to sue the school from the get go. You post one thing on facebook during school hours and she would use a screen cap in court. You didn't accept her friend request and she decided to spy on you at home. When that failed she used your "lack of interaction" as an excuse to go ahead and sue like she was planning anyways. Hope she didn't get a dime.


Please go out and volunteer for little kids or others in need


"It's not what it looks like, let me explain!"

"No!  Your abrupt change in character can have no other explanation! I must flee!"

"Fine, but I'll be too stubborn to follow up with you about how this is all a misunderstanding."

"That's ok, I would ignore your calls and have my sassy best friend be the go-between anyways."


yeah im talking about physical assault, dillhat, i really wouldnt give a fuck if someone wanted to awkwardly ramble on about free peaches


That bleeding looks pretty external to me.


**You used fire on a water dragon. Surprise, it actually worked! +9001 Gold!**

*Fire shit: 1*

*Common sense: 0*

**Congratulations, you win!**

- [Enter High Score]

- [Play Again]


Hahahahahahahahaha your wording makes the action seem like such a gentle, tender moment. Here poop, go quietly into the dark night (slash plumbing).


Come here. Give me a hug. There, that's better, isn't it?


Every ten minutes? Not every game is against Brazil.


OH DEAR LORD. YOU'RE SO ORIGINAL. LOLOLOLOL A 9/11 RATING ON A MUSLIM. OHOHO STAND BACK KIDS THIS GUY IS CROSSING LINES.


There she is!

Edit: For everyone wondering if I know what my username is, im fully aware that it means penis in welsh. I wanted to see if it was taken and here we are

Edit2: Diolch yn fawr am yr aur!


Soooooo I'm guessing you are ugly too.


SpyKids 3D: Game Over is the absolute worst. I remember seeing that one in the theatre when I was 10 and saving my 3D Glasses because I didn't think they'd be included with the movie once it was available for rental (people would probably lose or destroy them). Don't know why I was so eager to see it again.


How about getting a job where you don't work weekends, like normal people?


**How I Boned A Bunch of Women Before I Met Your Mother**


yeah but he's still muslim /s


When he was about 8 years old, they had Grandparents Day at school, so my mom went to hang out with him. They were very close and had spent tons of time together. His teacher says "And who is this, Jake?" He looks at my mom and says, "what are you, my aunt or something??"


If only flat asses got me erect...

Edit: Downvoted myself due to subreddit negligence


Everyone forgets he's immortal though. My theory is that he had to come up with a way to hide his immortality and there just happened to be a fridge nearby.


I thought this was some sick joke bit yes yes he probably did.


I think we're all a little surprised that it looks as good as it does.


You guys are stupid. Bringing internet shit into RL is just fail


At that age they know right from wrong and this type of sadism probably means a couple of future serial killers just got taken off the streets.


Oh so humble!  The way they live their entire lives in luxury being worshipped for being born into the right family, but after they die they're giving that up.

Let's praise them some more!!

I hope someone pisses on their corpses first.


In 2050 there will be no more OPs like this one.


dammit i came here just to say that. you sir get an upvote


Exactly! I've always hated the term "reverse racism". It is just racism.


So convenient you just created a reddit account and found this. Douche


If not MILLIONS. Everyone send positive vibes to OP!


So on that note...

i just fliped through your submissions and would like it if you could shoot me a note if you ever /r/gonewild


Tbh, the kind of people who use their children like that aren't usually the type to be devastated about it later.  Sorry.

*Internet hugs* tho. You seem to have learned from their mistake and good on you!


It's funny you think people know what you're talking about.

Edit: Ouch. My karma.


The person who took the picture is higher
◔ ◡ ◔


I'm pretty sure the individual is clearly labeled as "Muhammad", the founder of the religion of Islam.


Anyone who downvotes this comment is gay.


That exactly what I thought a twin would say. *If he had the smaller penis*.


"Joins group of ninjas, which are by definition assassins"


Don't be ashamed, be proud your grandmother is still modelling at her age.


They don't serve wine there.


Having to wait for someone to get off the phone so you could use the phone.


Came here to say this.

**BRING ON THE DOWNVOTES, BITCHES!!**


Wait... it *doesn't* work?

Brb


zoidberg is never funny, ever. If there ever was a true "forced" meme, that was it.


It's 3 times. Just remember the jingle:

Roll, roll, roll your bag
Then enjoy your snack!
Merrily merrily merrily merrily
Only 3 times you fucking idiot


Nah youve only been with quiet dudes.  Im loud i get all grunty and growly lol


As a german: I don't understand why anybody would NOT want to live like this. You guys make fun of us. But we have figured it out.


It's funny because OP is a fag.


It reminds me of ['the boner apparatus']
(http://files.sharenator.com/391135.png)


stop replying to every single fucking comment in this thread you boring karma whore fuckwad


Snarky comment about previous poster will go here


Read the post again. Just because it is a site that hosts videos does not mean it is the same as youtube. Plus I am pretty sure less than 0.0001% of youtube's content is indie films that don't exist anywhere else. I am talking about a site that specializes in JUST that, as in 100%.


GREAT Question!

First of all, you can compare Lisa to Eleezabeth Taylor, to when she did CLEOPATRA. The ladies, they don't have to wear jeans, they can wear dresses to be very powerful.

So Lisa's character is very powerful. She represents American society.

So that's my answer. Move on, next one!


Came here to post this exact thing.  Don't care if I get downvoted for saying so.  Hilarious.


but what if the life-form only comes out at night...


The man asked for downvotes.


Wait, there were multiple people with PSPs in your school? I know only two in mine, and one of them already graduated. I need to find new people to play monster hunter with.


Damn, I just looked at your verification photo and I have to say you are one freaky looking bitch.

2/10 Would not kidnap. Going to have nightmares tonight. Reading your answers makes me wonder how many times you've parroted them before. They sound very stale and rehearsed. Can't you just move on and get a makeover; i'm sorry I can't get over how creepy you look.


Reddit can make this happen. We will do everything in our power.


I downvoted him because that just plain fucking sucks.


Too bad Teddy Roosevelt has been dead for awhile.

Edit: brb gonna see if I can resurrect Teddy Roosevelt with reddit gold


This is implying you have visited f7u12. This is good enough reason to have you banned.


"Ok, last question: what are your thoughts on the recent decline in the quality of /r/gonewild?"

"This is something I am very passionate about. The amount of  quality content...wait...shit"


because the sky dimension sucks


I hardly knew him

Edit: WooHoo Gold. You guys guild the dumbest shit. Thank you.


You want Obama to greet them?

Badum-tssss


I think fat takes away a persons uniqueness. Defining features just get rounded out and they look the same.


that is in no way unnecessary roughness, and should not be called for anything.  one of the cleanest hits I have ever seen not sure what you are talking about


OP I hope you read ^this post. It's the plain, honest truth.


I also watched the video!


Infidels! You know nothing of repeat. All you do is lather and rinse!


Your uncle's name is Kenny?


Ha! My friend's grandparents had a similar story of being scandalized by a lout at a bar in key west who was insulting patrons from behind a daquiri.

Ernest Hemingway.


I didn't understand a word of that except the word "cousin". Please speak **English**, as this is an American website (-:

*Have a great day and have a downvote so you can learn* (-:

Edit: Screw you unpatriotic downvoters :-)


Absolutely not. Three or so weeks after the incident I was told I couldn't be class representative anymore because I didn't show up to any of the meetings. I probably could be a politician if I wasn't such a lazy ass.


Nah that's actually not true. I made this picture.


I suppose you could say they were

*puts on sunglasses*

dedicated servers.

YEEEAAAAAAH


The "Facility Manager" arguably has nothing to do with evangelism and could perform identical duties regardless of religious choice, or lack thereof.


That one sounds like you really need to be high to enjoy it.


You just described why its a bad play


I think you fell for a person, not a gender.


It's fact. Look it up.


Neighbor: "Hey, you know I would really appreciate it if you could.. you know... be more quiet during your... evening activities."

OP: "Yeah sure, but you can join in any time you want."

Neighbor: "WHAT"

OP:"Sure, you can also bring your kids with you."

"..."


This isn't that new in terms of ganking routes.


And when you can't breathe anymore and begin clapping your hands, making you look like a retarded mute seal.


I'm too lazy to make a One Does Not Simply meme, but you get the idea.


Probably a lisp programmer.


There's a thread called "Dear Straight Men, A Plea From A Lesbian" or something like that that this is obviously aping.


*he mutters to himself in the shower that night*


I unsubbed from whenever the naxxramus patch came out until BC launch :(  they should still hook us up, at least with an in game title or item.


I get married next month, will update on the +/-


Your life must be fucking boring


And ugly people. You forgot ugly people. They're unattractive.


DLC/expansion..what?

Oh yeah, console peasant race. lol. Forgot they have no mod workshop.


Oh really? I have the utmost respect for you, personally and professionally. But that's ok, you're entitled to your opinion.


Now if the disabled person *juuuust* learned how to spell, this *could* actually be a good story.

Not that Redditors would realize, of course..


Even your writing has a Russian accent.


Wait, she imagines herself in that metal police ~~unform~~ armour that won't be around until ten years later *and* **before** she invents metalbending?

That's some psychic potential right there.


No, but I have friends at school. And she has pretty black hair and a small face, and eyes and a nose and a mouth. And small legs. And pretty shoes. And pretty and small arms and hands and fingers. And her name is Lilly. I really like her.


20 is more like it, if you play more than that in a week without being paid for it, then you need help. Watch some tv, listen to some music, read a book, go to the park, stop wasting your life.


You'd probably just have an entirelly different circle of friends due to your maturity level.


You do realize once you downvote past the threshold of 1 the post dissappears.  That's why I'm so pissed that you downvoted...you didn't even give it a chance for other people to enjoy.

EDIT: downvote past the threshhold


Think about it.  Under the old system, we could have likely seen an Alabama/FSU championship game.

Now they both will watch at home.

Long live the playoffs.


Why do you say that? I have always been very faithful to him, and you seem to think me TALKING to guys I met on a dating site negates everything else in our relationship? Sounds like a pretty myopic and inexperienced viewpoint to me.


So you're saying that the beat was so fresh that it brought down the house


False, the title of my giveaway was actually chastising users for deleting the keys off the google document.


lik dis if ur frend diez evertim


blacksonblondes I'm guessing


Or not seeing the photos of an event for 6 months because there was still 4 pictures left to take before it could be sent away to be developed.

Thank you for the Gold Internet Stranger!


>When I was 7 my mom and I were at a car wash

bow-chica-wow-wow


11 year old me would have been watching that channel that used to just play movie trailers for the 0.7 seconds of Demi Moore sideboob in *Striptease*...

Just 12 more minutes and they'll show it again. Like a monk, I sit. Patient like the mountain, unmoved by time. Eternal boob searcher.


Your wikipedia reference is unreliable. Try to cite legitimate sources in future, such as bbc.co.uk or cnn.com, etc (-:

As a Reddit Gold member I am downvoting your comment accordingly and reporting it to the moderators of the /r/politics subreddit.


There's a disease of the brain that affects the regions related to Parkinsons and Huntingtons, but it's caused by strep infections. It's called Sydenham's chorea, but it used to be called St. Vitus dance. I would guess that the dancing plague was something similar.


Did your daughter get raped by a black person?


once you learn to beat my kennen in a 1v1 maybe i'll respond to your questions ;)


I was thinking the exact same thing!


I genuinely had a hearty laugh from this series of comments. Thanks reddit for my making my dull day amazing as always <3

Edit: this is my most points ever in a comment. Thanks again reddit! You've helped me earn internet points :))


I love all-jazzera!

Edit: spelling

Alljazzara!

Edit: spelling

Aljasera!

Edit: spelling

AlJazira

Edit: alternative

That mideast news netwerk.

Edit: awesome

I've never recieved so many downvotes. Keep 'em cumin.


Wow, that was 2013? Time is passing me by.


I found the [link!](http://oi51.tinypic.com/2yoe5hv.jpg)


This wouldn't just blow people's minds, it'd terrify them.


Yeah by releasing it to the public or something.


Do you girls also open 30 tabs of different videos and only watch the ending of the first?


you don't know what you're talking about.

This is what you call a set up and takes no skill at all. Definitely considering their stack-sizes were so small that the all-in was the only play for the guy with the 76.

Edit: took out my arrogant lol (sorry)


No, some people are terrorists


Oh, the forever alone pain is strong in here, time to exit, collapse is immenant.

Edit:  Glad you had a laugh, mate.


404 feeling not found


For someone who likes to reply, you really reply with no arguments.


We do. We're no scrubs.


This.

+1.

Haha.


That's pretty damn funny.  Isn't really that cringe worthy on your part other than how you handled it.


I'm not the one who downvoted you, but really: IBS? IBfreakingS!?


I don't get it.

edit: I get it.


If you look really close you can count them


Wow! I learnt a lot of Jordan by reading this one comment. Thank you


Ouch. 30 downvotes in as many minutes.

EDIT: OUCH. 60 DOWNVOTES IN AS MANY MINUTES.


upvote for 'vagina's browsing history'


Nice try, karma whoring redditor


Why would you name your child herpes


Faggot band that spread their faggot shit to a generation of hippie faggots. You shouldn't cite them, as you can hardly call what they produced actual music. Fuck you.


Someone's a little upset because they didn't get an invite.


Haha yeah, I can read usernames too!


I once had to do the quick dick hide right as my orgasm hit. Ruined my pants, ruined my orgasm, ruined my relationship with my brother.


And more importantly, how hot?


He actually posted a strategy he already has a counter-strategy for.  Always one step ahead, that PigSlam.


To make your dorm room and bitchy neighbors dorm room smell like happiness and joy with a side order of laziness.


To be fair, that is sound logic.


Thats dumb. But seriously do you fuck women who font care about hygiene and diet or something. Pussy doesnt smell bad at least it aint supposed to. Usually theres a light scent or none. Dont try and make others feel bad because you choose to or have chosen to fuck gross bitches.


If I called my mom and immediately told her I love her, she'd just ask how much I wanted now.


Well honestly every fat person I've ever met that is "dieting" or "working on it" ends up eating fried food and cookies again within a matter of days.  If everyone who is dieting as of last Thursday was gonna make it we'd see a lot more than the usual twenty or thirty /r/pics success stories we get each year.


He also gave you very good advice.


Calling it now, if this page hits front page you'll have way more karma than me.


She was wet from the guy she was texting


great, so forcing her to sexualize herself is totally ok


Another thing most don't know is that 99% of strippers never get close to making $5000 a night.


Uhh, how about NOT pay for the weed and NOT violate federal law and move on? I thought this was JUSTICE PORN? How can you be FOR JUSTICE yet PRO violation of federal law? You'd better reconcile that shit right now.


Dyson?

Edit: To the people complaining that I ruined the joke /u/PM_ME_THE_NUMBER_112 above actually had negative points until I commented


y is this decision even hard? its a fuckin video game, u should just get up and throw away ur computer bc all u nerd gamers do is sit on ur computers. go outside n try to bang some bitches, always lie and say u arent a gamer because no 1 fucking likes pussy ass gamers.


I just used the default particle color for the puke, but I think it works well enough. Maybe he drank a huge orange slush?

[One gif plus puke](http://i.imgur.com/coxALbo.gif)


why do you get upvotes? there was no team chat visible, rofl


I still play soccer but don't shake hands.


annnnnnd this sub officially cant take jokes today.


> continuously

Just follow the trail!


I just sent my mom an email, I know she has a lot of pictures from this particular party.

edit:

http://i.imgur.com/8UarC.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/ngGUd.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/XdpR2.jpg


If god didn't want us to pee in sinks, he wouldn't have put them at dick level.


So... Yes. You are gay.


*reads username*

hey you don't belong in this thread at all!


I have never met another group of people in my entire life who care so much about the most inconsequential shit ever. Even 9/11 truthers care about shit that's more important than GamerGate. Doesn't have anything to do with what GGers believe or what they think, it's just... So painfully irrelevant.


Haha. It's not, but I can see it being reposted for ironyvotes in the near future.


A swap between the MLS and probably a soon to be Championship side is not at the top level.


HOLY SHIT i have gone 32 years without knowing this trick


That's and Austrian Ridgeback, IIRC.


Give a man a mask and he'll show you his true face

Edit: thanks for the gold folks.

Edit 2: I heard quote from a friend, chill out guys. Anyways, its apparently a paraphrase from V for Vendetta which itself is a paraphrase from a quote by Oscar Wilde.


I have high standards.


And everyone who tries it ends up dead. 100%


of to /r/nocontext with you!


Machetes are half off. Now he's got two machetes. Your move.

Edit: Unnecessary apostrophe


I've never been to 9GAG so I wouldn't know what type of nature they are.


Same. I always check out girls. It's either for appreciation, comparison, or hating...depending on my mood.


yeah you'd be amazed how many women start acting like this around you after applying some of the techniques on /r/redpill to  your life. some guys might find it annoying but i think it's flattering :). just a thought if you were getting sick of your pathetic "nice guy" existence :)

edit: ok white knights, keep downvoting ;)


Does that make it 0K.


Why do you feel the need to post regular comments with a stupid gimmick?


My wife elbows me in the face if I try that.


The king being the one who won the division 4 times in a row?

Downvote me all you want, calling the raiders the king of the afc west is fucking laughable. Fuck the raiders.


OP's pic

is this the birth of a new epic meme?


The inner dentist in me cringed at the thought of holding diet coke in your mouth for longer than a second.


The Palin film is a documentary.


It was a sweet Vidalia, so it wasn't too difficult. We purposefully left on the dry, outer skin. That was the worst part. But it made it funnier, made it a lot louder and messier.


You call that huge? I feel bad for what you must look like, and you were completely right to call that out, I checked the comments just to see if I was the only one who noticed that, must be an aussie (gay) thing


"Dates? Please lady, I have cats to feed."


Such a brave, brave man.


Have you ever eaten a fatal amount of beef? I have not.


Uh, I hope not. Just because someones getting a little rough, doesnt mean you have the right to physically assault her. His buddy consented to some sexy time, she didnt consent to being punched in the face.


Muslim here. Pigs exist. Who in the fuck is taking offence?

I'm genuinely asking. Did anyone actually complain or did this publisher just go super PC for no reason?


> I woke up lying on my kitchen floor, then it all came flooding back and I stumbled to the bathroom and threw up while sobbing.

I got a pretty big boner reading this.


"Weird how Mars looks just like Pyongyang but red-"

*gets shot*


Normally, this would be a very sad story and make anyone upset.

However, because you are generally a piece of shit, all I can say is... good. You deserved it.

Your sister is better of dead than alive and having a scum brother like you.


July 20th's news: "Reddit user kidnapped in NYC, thought to be the work of a violent and dangerous gang which uses Bifid Cipher clues to lure in victims, more at 11..."

I hope OP has Liam Neeson as a father.


Go back to subredditdrama


Spaceballs wins since it is only rated PG.


and in your 63 years you have still yet to learn that people have differing hobbies some of which might not include a t.v.


Ah yes, the eternal struggle of getting kids interested in dinosaurs.


I used to keep the protagonist alive on easy even though it was hard, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


*pilot takes bite and subsequently crashes the jet horribly after turning back into a civillian*


So many downvotes to you.


Free throw pillows!!!


On the other hand, I really hate it when people stand there for 20 seconds waiting for me to get to the door so that they can hold it open for me as I pass through. I always feel obligated to jog a little. By the time I get to the door, I kind of just want to slap them over the head a bit. But no, I'm obliged by gomers like you to say "aw gee, thanks."


They always tell you to watch out for children who show cruelty to animals. Often means they lack empathy and can sometimes end up as psycho killers....


Read "And we cock every night" and wondered if cocking is a thing and who would help you with this.


CNN - Always first, sometimes right.


Yep. That's what its like having a female boss. Always petty, everyone else is wrong and blames her mistakes on others.


I bet he had a big cock.


DAMN IT!  I thought of that! I AM FUNNY TOOOOOOO!!!!!!


After reading the title, I was wondering how in the hell somebody could move into an apartment without knowing their son used to live there.


Who gives a shit? Seriously no one gives a fuck about Tunisia it won't affect our lives at all. Let's just move on.


I thought that was one of the main features of captchas ...


Churchill was a moron and a bigot like you.

What a pos, does he forget the Ottoman Empire? Does he forget the many inventions? The math? The Silk Road? The Muslim world at its pinnacle was filled with mathematicians, scientists, merchants, and was open to all religions.

Screw you bigots


I think this is a truly unique and interesting event in my life. I am an Internet meme. That does not happen to everyone. I can post it over there I suppose.


The mods have the right to remove anything they want.

If the mods say it is against the rules then it should be gone.

The disgusting part of this is PIMA trying to raise up another witch hunt.


Maybe it's just a note, like a reminder.

♪ ♫ ♬ Don't forget the dry cleaaaaaaning! ♪ ♫ ♬


Brees is a chucker.  Fuck Drew Brees.


"DAE remember skittles?"


What's your point? 25K donation is more than you CAN have.


You may have [precordial catch syndrome](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Precordial_catch_syndrome). Pretty sure I do, too. It isn't known to be dangerous.

**Edit:** Delicious gold. Thanks, [/u/obscure_renegade](http://www.reddit.com/user/obscure_renegade)!


sorry brother but your not straight, nothing wrong with that, your a gay dude though deal with the feels man, deal with em.


I think it's the fact that, based on the technology, you never see people smiling and being jovial in that time period. So many old photographs make the world seem like a much more proper and stern place. But photos like this show that people are people no matter when and where.


No, that's not true. She's making a valid point. Her way of expressing it is a bit odd, but it is actually meaningful


And then all of Halle Berry's clothes were somehow magically removed from her body. She tried to get them back on.... but he'd already seen everything


Not sure why you are being downvoted, you really only go into the military if you can't make it in the real world.


She dad joke'd her dad.


I once took a shit on someone named "I have failed you."


> I think this is a man who doesn't accept being wrong very well.

Welcome to academia!


I think I speak for everyone when I say that I'd rather be homeless and *free* than living comfortably but paying more in taxes to cover the expenses of fatties and immigrants.


>Officers mediated the dispute, **believing that no crime had occurred**, based on the information they had at that time.

Last time I checked, pulling a gun on someone to threaten them is defined as "brandishing", which is definitely a crime.


computer to how know don't people some


When comedians talk to an audience member and try to make them look dumb when they aren't.  Example
Comedian: Where are you from?
person: Queens.
Comedian: What do you do there?
person: I live there.
comedian: I mean what is your JOB  you fucking asshole???
person: (politely to his seat mate as everyone laughs at him) but I work in manhattan.


Oh shit, the pizza boy! Better run!!


I've friend zoned hotter women than I've banged too. That's not that impressive.


Um, no its not. This appears to be an electric socket that for some reason has water coming out of it. Completley different thing from what you are thinking of. This water isnt forming any power and in fact is most likely causing a hazard.


>because you can't lie with your body language.

Sure you can. Its just another level of bs one needs to master.

Source: I ace interviews


You know it's not too late to fix this.  Hang yourself.  It's like a post-birth abortion.  It passes the decision to be aborted on to you.


Baby got child rearing hips and a healthy store of body fat that can be used to nourish the developing offspring if food is scarce!


I used to laugh convulsively, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Is this the most subtle Fresh Prince trolling I've ever witnessed? I am honestly not certain that it isn't.


Huh, he couldn't even take us to Europa even when he managed the team from the beginning. Does that mean La Liga is easier than EPL???!!  ^^i ^^can ^^make ^^a ^^joke, ^^right...?


"THREE DOG HERE!, HOW'S EVERYONE DOOOINN'?!"


C-C-C-C-COMBO-BREAKKKKERRRRR!


That`s racist on two levels... It`s like, meta-racism


yeah. It's "screenshot.scr". It's a virus link they sent out to people.


I got Charizard in the first pack I ever bought. Traded it for a shitload of cards. A few months later I got another Charizard from another pack I bought.


Coat after coat after coat after coat


Idk why people tuck their boner up in their waist line I just wrap it twice around my leg.

Edit: My first gold! Thank you!


EG.Sumail, dude. Fenrir is on VG


I was 10 minutes early to my last one...  They were 15-20 minutes late...  Office manager (aka receptionist) almost sent me home to try again...  I have been working there for over a year now.


Invasive unneeded plastic surgery that leaves huge scars and is a relatively risky surgery in terms of infection is a good thing?  Goddammit reddit.


Well you just suck at playing three game then

Edit: can't spell

Edit 2: apparently my bad autocorrect was funnier


Because this is a subreddit specifically for marijuana users, and other drugs besides alcohol and weed should definetily not be idolized as great things to do.


Is...is your dog a bear?


I used to think it was Nathan Fillion too, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Dude, he *posts* to /r/gonewild


i cringed at their antics too. dana is right with the buddy buddy shit. yeah it's nice and all because "what good sportsmen" ... but you're here to fight not to hug.