The only child there is the woman flipping the fuck out because of a damn cigarette. People have been lighting up on board until 1990 sheesh.


I juggled four balls once, but then my boyfriend caught me with the other guy.


**THIS IS WHAT THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA DOES TO AMERICAS KIDS.  MANY KILL THEMSELVES AFTER BEING VIOLATED.  WE NEED TO STOP THE GAYS TAKEOVER OF HOLLYWOOD.**


Some siblings can be such a pain in the neck..


OH MY GOD IS YOUR BUTT OK?!?!?!


Awesome! Glad you enjoyed them!


Pretty sure he got busted for having pot.  Helps if you know how to read.


Upvoted for the sound of dreams being crushed.


I never said that is the average and all my friends are very good at what they do, and most of them work on the west coast. That being said, there are numerous careers (mine included) where making 100k by 25 is not unheard of.


Backtrace the number, find his address, wait til hes comfy thinking he's all safe at his home and shit, then mow that niggas lawn.

Straight 'nuck style.


So you knowingly posted a pic that wasn't very realistic?


Oh, it definitely does. You have to buy a special pair of underwear to prevent them from falling to the ground in a heap. One time I forgot to wear my running panties and after a km or so I felt this odd sensation, and then, suddenly, there were ovaries and intestines, and even one of my lungs on the ground behind me. I'll never forget my running panties again.


Higher quality than a stripper as a girlfriend that is for sure.


yes but only if you both scissor real hard


This. Stop fucking clogging /r/gaming with your shitty giveaways and use one of the dedicated subreddits.

Jesus christ.


Nothing says gangster like ukulele solo.


if u don't get it, link is in another dimension called "Description". If you do, then good


Oh my god. You scared me when you said he was now your husband.

On one hand I was like, "Well, at least it worked out..?" and on the other I was like "What the fuck is she doing marrying a guy who had his mom do everything for him!??!"


No worries. Jinntakk gets the message and will fix their account regardless of how many points my comment has.


Nobody knows what they're doing, not just parents. We're all winging it one way or another.


**WOW OP, A PICTURE OF A DOG!**

**THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POSTING THIS GARBAGE HERE.**

**IT REALLY MAD MY DAY SEEING A POOR ANIMAL BEING SUBJECTED TO THIS BULLSHIT FOR ITS OWNERS AMUSEMENT.**

**IM SURE THE SPINELESS PUSSIES THAT CONGREGATE IN R/AWW WOULDNT HAVE APPRECIATED THIS, THANKS FOR SUBJECTING A MILLION AND A HALF PEOPLE TO THIS DRIVEL.**


Holy crap, you just completely undermined all of my childhood logic.


As an immigrant you wouldn't have any right to shit over his comment, no matter how it ended.


We already are eugenics proponents, just not *forced* eugenics proponents. Selective breeding is fun stuff!


Seriously why do you even bother doing this? You don't add anything to the post and people literally just upvote you for pointing out the obvious.


They never played risk as a kid


maybe she has a strong back. liek me bro :)


Because, shit, I never expected those big cats to learn how to open doors


No... NO... I will *refrain* from Grammar Nazism.


Scratchin yer head all the way to the bank...


By everyone you mean Reddit drug users?


When I look at that banana all I can think of how much it'll hurt hitting the back of my throat

Edit: This was meant to be satire, you weirdos!


I spent too many years at Bible camp, and I know first hand that there were a handful of maintenance/management jobs that were *paid jobs* and the people working them did not interact much with the children other than being friendly while working around them.  You do not have to be in a leadership role to be the guy cleaning the bathrooms and mowing the lawn.


One night I yelled at some fucks twice for sneaking on their phones. Fuck you, what's the point of playing trivia if you're gonna look up the answers? Next time I play Monopoly I'll just take all the properties and money, declare I win, and jerk myself off with my winnings


My downvote is only one. I cannot give more downvotes, though I wish so badly I could. My single downvote. My lone wolf.


Then explain it through *dance!*


Holy shit, you neckbeards really need to get out and talk to some human beings.


TIL Thais: 0 to 100 real quick.


Pictures say a thousand words. And most of them are lies. Don't take to much from a persons expression in a photo.


God what are you some kind of faggot who studies bugs all day and night and literilly has no life?

Le Edit 1: Keep on downboating. Just proofs that your all nerds and masturbate to bugs hahahaha.


TACTAA says the biologist in me.


Thats clever, you should do stand up comedy. I bet youre the funniest kid on the playground at recess.


Thanks, I appreciate it


He reposted after fixing the title: http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/2s6x71/i_met_verne_troyer_and_i_told_him_i_use_reddit/


Oh!  Nailed him, right in the homophobic self-loathing!  I bet he never used that line again in his life.


What is the smell/color of your ancient commie cunt?


> Now you're a second class citizen. Not because you're black, but because you're a piece of shit.

This entire comment is perfect, especially the last sentence.


The idea is to scare them.  Remember the "Comcast call from hell". Nobody wants to be that guy.  I've tried this multiple times- you would be surprised how often this works.  Once you ask the representative for their name, they feel personally responsible.


That kid has religion figured out.


Couldn't you have sidestepped all of this drama by advertising your subreddit, instead of your website?


I feel they should cast Bill Paxton as Lonestar and pretend not to notice.


I've lived in Oregon my entire life, and I'm sure the story is made up.


That explains why my mom wasn't answering the phone when I called. She must have been having sex with 99% of xbox live.


Here, have another downvote ;)

P.S. You were right, it's quite funny :D


...cotton, let's see if it pays off.

edit:oops


MOMMY IZA FEEOW BAD BUT I CHUCKOWED!!! GOO GOO!!!!


Give him some jalapenos (kids and many adults think that green means less hot) and tell him to have any one who asks him "Start with these.  We'll see if you're ready for my peppers after that, and I'll bring some for you tomorrow."

Badassness saved, and you can always get a habanero for the day after that.


GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Edit: can no one here take a fucking joke, slide the politically correct pole out of your asses and get a sense of humour for fucks sake.

Edit 2: loving the attention, heck I'll even down vote this myself :)


Rectum?  Darn near killed 'em!


NICE FUCKING POINT OMG YU SO FAKN SMART YU SHULD B PREZIDENT OMFG


My mom is a speech teacher and she has to make an effort not to correct kids when they say bad words improperly.


No. Yours did. She gets mad when I look at this kind of filth while we're laying in bed.


Who else saw this coming? Raise your hands.

o/


Thank you. everyone is yelling at me on this picture because in some odd town they have apartments and roomates living in different apartments are called roomate. Im gonna have a panic attack with these people.


Sell that kidney man!


I'm not mad about fences there, I'm mad at that guy's idiocy.


Oh Zimbabwe, you rascals...


lol is not a full stop/period.


that "feels" comment is overplayed and lame. stop it internet.


"You know what's interesting?  She's not saying, 'That's so sad', she's actually crying."


obviously you werent that smart if you sold to an officer of the law


I learned a lot of racial slurs in the military. As a black guy from the south, I was called a multitude of things, but only in the military was I referred to as a moon cricket.


Why doesn't this have more upvotes?


I think most people examine the toilet paper post wipe


boo hoo hoo. Literally all my life is moderating this lovely subreddit. That's it. Nothing else.


Do your worst, I'm wearing seventeen layers!


No, *This Is Spinal Tap* was a mockumentary based on completely fictitious events and people. This is one of my problems with /r/politics. People are literally making things up to strengthen their side of an argument.


his first girlfriend was his mom....


Those people spent just as much money as you and if they can finish in the same time then you have no right to complain about them. Its their race, too.


I'm guessing a little zoom. And then some enhance.


Was it because I brought everyone's mommies into this? Ok, Ok, I'm sorry. I like all of your moms.


That's fucked up. My dad died in the 9/11 attacks. Took 300 infidels with him too.


Sorry for your troubles, but I find it hilarious that this happened to a *Kilo TT*. Cheap choice of broke hipsters everywhere... :P

edit: Since this comment is so upsetting to r/bicycling I figured I would clarify... I was laughing at the bike thief for trying to steal a Kilo TT (which isn't worth much). Carry on downvoting...


At the end of the day, it's a woman's health choice.


I'm throwing internets at you right now. Here. Have them all.

edit: I kind of meant in the 'you win internets' sense. I picture myself throwing internets like bouquets. I liked the comment that much. Hm. Next time I will use my positive-vibes font.


The license is my penis.


Dudes a brilliant artist, hes written some Shakespearian shit,  i know its hard to believe that, but he is a bad fan.


I propose we turn this into a college nostalgia meme, reflecting back on all the stupid shit we thought/did.


How do you stop a black guy from voting? You hide his voter registration form under his work boots.


Dude, same here. I've had grocery store workers literally follow me through the store. I've caught more than dirty looks from other people in the store. A lady told me not to kiss my daughter on the cheek because it made me "look creepy." why all the hate for dads?


You're wrong though. Community is terrible. Always has been. Should have been cancelled long ago. Community fans are the worst.

EDIT: Oh look. The "Dan Harmon is a genius" idiots are here in full force now. Case in point.


Sir.
Everytime I see "Upvote for you sir!" "Great post, well done sir."  It makes me unnaturally angry.


not racism but okay go be a cry baby


Also -- expect the girls to lie out their asses. That's what this kind of kid does.


Everyone's a pussy!

Your beard looks like dirty pubes!

Everyone's a pussy!

Clean yourself, you dirty society noobs!

EDIT:Oh... so they can shoot and terrorize people, but I cant come up with a shitty rhyme that puts them down?


Actually, both of his hands just try to mimic each other, causing a temporal rift where, for a brief moment, he grows multiple arms. Notable people who suffer this: Ganesh.


Getting up in arms over your bf (which you sleep with) coming on your ass while he's drink is frankly retarded.

Sure be angry and have a chat, but if you find it a big deal you simply have issues.

Should he do it? No. Is it a big deal? Fuck no.


No, it creates CRAB.zip


Or me, i'll sign i'll sign i'll sign!


What do you think of the current global economic market and how do you think it'll effect the housing situation in the U.S.A.'s south-east?


LOL, I REFERENCED THE PERSON'S NAME IN MY JOKE. AREN'T I WITTY?


Well holy shit. I've been on the internet longer than I can remember and this is the first time I've been Fresh Prince'd so smoothly. I tip my hat to you.


That is a retarded comparison. I suspect that your friends would not, ever, use the word "intelligent" to describe you.


That's pretty funny, actually


True. It's unfair that society places such blame on women.


So many good family relationships break completely because of these things. It's so sad to see how important materialistic value is to some people and how it can over-power years and years of emotional ties. Obviously it can create high frictions but the sheer selfishness of some people after a loved one's death astonishes me.


You want to believe there is no reason to justify your argument, yet the example you provided is your word only- you didn't even give the game title for this outlandish claim.

Propaganda.


"Did you fuck my Mom?"


No, a concerted effort (posting in [**the reddit hate group**](/r/mensrights)) to silence a specific group of people (feminists) classifies a group as a "hate group". But pleez keep misrepresenting my argument. I'm sure you all need practice for when you raid and derail actual discussions. T-T


That's three. A cow with two legs is your mother.


Have an upvote, good sir.


Take a nap everyday! Really, a good nap can turn even the worst days around.


Fuck you. Just.... fuck you.

I just got done arguing with a co-worker over whether or not it's racist to ask someone to pull their pants up. Just because a group might be discriminated against, doesn't mean that criticizing a member of that group makes you a bigot.

Pointing out that you don't like someone's outfit is nowhere NEAR "slut-shaming."


Don't worry. Lawyers will get involved, it will take years to settle and will come down to less than $50million.

Source: I read reddit sometimes.


I'm applying for police academy next year.  Shooting drunk drivers is part of the job.  Our job is to clean the streets; and killing people like this makes our country a safer place.

I would have had my gun drawn the entire time and opened fire the moment I saw him reach for his gun.


Did you tell them to say hello to your little friend?


Traffic builds up when people drive too slow and more chance for accident.  You should not drive slow on an expressway.


> necessarily enormous.

Not in that photo.


Thats weird you'd think even for shooting the scene he'd worry about getting a boner guess hes gay or somethin


Bruh is like 2600 years old, he better be mature.


How typical of a woman to overstep their bounds and actually think they're equal to men.

Women are less intelligent, less physically strong, have worse spatial reasoning and can't take risks.

Women should be delegated to be taking care of kids and working a cash register, and nothing more.

edit: Downvotes? Really? You can't accept facts?


Wow man, ouch. Was it really that bad that you have to be a dick about it?


Sounds like some one needs a nap right now.


And I hate casual homophobia.


In a world where a show called Friday Night Lights can air on a Monday, that doesn't seem overwhelmingly stupid.


This one shall get downvoted in to the oblivions!


*Yenetra may cause side effects such as wheezing, dizziness, and incontinence. Ask your doctor if Yenetra is right for you.*


motorcycles and scooters get to park for free every damn day at meters all around Austin.  I don't exactly feel bad if occasionally they have to pay for parking like the rest of us.


They changed it, you literally f*cking can't.


A fire sprinkler is what you see in building that shoot out water, not fire.


This is like complaining to a cashier about prices.

Don't torment the poor person. Ask if he has a quota and if he doesn't, put him on hold and give him 5 glorious minutes of silence.


Sounds like you need a new roommate, unless you're all waiting for her to commit suicide, so you can all get A's for the semester...


Randy strippers get paid more, bleeding ones less. Got it.


Might want to "ask the mods" if you can post that because, you know, freedom of speech and all that. Justice.


Once my tongue loses its steam I'm all lower jaw and pouty lips while my tongue takes a catnap.


Sometimes I'm surprised by the things people ask about, but then I remember that there are 13 year olds on here and people in which English is not their native language.

[This is a good example](http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=1stgx9kajh0#t=525s)


I pictured a spider with an absurdly large sombrero on, just chillin in the corner all like "ayy wassup homes? That's a little dick you got there." and fucking lost it.


Good luck with that. There's no way around it. Soccer isn't as explosive as the other sports save baseball. Most soccer matches I watch I either don't finish them, or fall asleep.

Although I will watch this game but most likely fall asleep.


I was my parents celebration of my dads recent vasectomy.

One in about Ten Thousand men are born with three Vas Deferns, not just the two.

Mom told the doc that did my dad's Vas and he told them "Well shit, I missed one....looks like this one is on me.."

I was my parents bargain child.

I feel your pain.


Post Jackin, coz this subreddit is going to shit and people need to start talking about it based on how many upvotes both this picture and these comments have recieved, I'm convinced that 95% of people who subscribe to r/politics are complete and utter morons. Discuss


Since I was up there so long it was amazing to watch the planet change with the seasons. It's almost as if our planet is a living, breathing organism


Like I said in another reply, it's really hard to kill someone with your bare hands.


Working in Wall Mart's IT/Electronics section must be the worst job on earth.


wow, you need to chill, not healthy to get all worked up like that. In my opinion the pic looks faked. A shout out for karma or sympathy.


probably because they don't use ketchup.   so since they don't use any, there is no point in purchasing any.  however, if they have people over (such as you) who like ketchup and need some, they have some to offer.  if they bought a bottle, it won't get used and it isn't worth having on hand for guests.


You started following baseball at most two years ago


"I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

**Edit:** Sorry guys, but this isn't my joke.

All credit goes to [this guy](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2ws7r1/where_do_you_see_yourself_in_five_years/)

**Edit 2:** Apparently the joke doesn't even come from that guy. Credit to whoever made it up, I guess.


I hate to be "that guy" but an agnostic is someone who is angry at dog.  Athiest is someone who doesn't believe in dog.


You know what’s sweeter than the sound of a child’s laughter? The sound of silence from not having any fucking kids.


Go away. People can learn on their own.


Oh fuck no. Fuck that noise.


WHOOSH! Your username, dude.


(⌐■_■)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

( •_•)

My bad.


I'll just leave this here (since RM have yet to win the CL with Ronaldo): http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=oq1gsMFjags


I work at Best Buy, and knowing most of the people that I sell Antivirus to, it's probably better that they are buying it from us rather than trying to find a free one on their own.


no it's not you imbecile


So it has come to this.


it was m9, i remember watching and being well mad cos ronaldo didnt score


Thanks. My mum is crying. Sleepover is probably cancelled now


What the fuck is wrong with you?


This statistic is brought to you by the words "correlation" and "causation"


Please.

Millions of kids travel every year as anyone who flies would know. They all know how airport security works.


Weird, people who spend an enormous time online are socially awkward. Never saw that coming. On the flip side, you are pretty critical. So dude sips a shot and some people play cards in a bar, they aren't there to impress anyone, just have a good time. Try it, fuck everyone else, just have dorky fun.


thanks for contributing


Very briefly, honestly looked like he just had to urgently use the bathroom. But it was noticeable and I think a lot of us at the time could tell it was something a little more than that


What do you think she is.....a baby?? I think she's a bit past the "read me to sleep" phase of her life...

edit: anyone care to be classy?

edit2: ok, r/gentlemanboners. Real classy. It's good to know that people still read what it says when you hover over the downvote arrow! :)


This post had me very confused until the last sentence. Then I laughed.


This comment has been noticed and upvoted.


Yeah, Simon. You suck!


Try that again, but in the English language.


Okay, we'll ask again later.


I'm sorry too, but he shouldn't have proposed to her so young as she was only 17. It's actually against the law in some states (-:


The boys who received toys go give toys to watch the girls who received toys strip.

The cirrrrcle of liiiiiife


4. ~~Cheat~~ Push the envelope at something.


Ok show of hands, how many people turned to 54, put their finger there, and went to 99 to see that one before making the choice?


Maybe because the hivemind doesn't stop to think about the content of a post and reddiquete unless you point it out to them.  It's fucking ridiculous you have to do it, I agree.

Edit: Removed from OP.


As we speak you are being downvoted by people below 16. You poor soul.

Edit: Should I tell them?

Edit 2: I think I should tell them.

Edit 5: Actually I'm 7 and what is this.

Edit 6: I am an independent black woman named Ki'Vaneesha and I don't need a man in my life.


And that's why rape happens


Of course they will say it failed, they are nothing but vulgar propagandists, who will say anything to demean the efforts of the North Korean people. Trust that it is a mighty rocket indeed, and it flew with the greatest of precision, as if guided by the hand of our Dear Leader himself.


That's kind of a silly argument.


YOU FUCKING BASTARD I HOPE YOU'RE LYING ABOUT THAT STORY


Parole officer. Some racist shit going down in this sub.


You ever been on that ride? I'd say most people want to watch that god forsaken place burn.


I seriously have no idea what you people keep bitching about LP bug. I seriously win high 20s and then lose like low teens. And I am plat 4.


Putin then called for whomever was doing it to "stop invading Eastern Europe"; saying "Giving those guys rockets and sending in masked troops?  Seriously, shit's not cool....whoever that is."


Sorry, what? Was i complaining or was i putting out bait?

EDIT: Oh and there's nothing official about it, I'll continue pointing out reposts ok?


They grew the monster. They suffered the monster.


Please don't do this.


$40,000!! Wow, you need to return that $35,000 dollars immediately! If I found $30,000 I would immediately turn it into the bank, because there may be a reward for finding $25,000. Do the right thing.


Yes, and in 1821 having a gun would be nice to defend yourself against the bandits. But this is 2009.


I think during verbal delivery the joke should end at "he heads over the punch table and."

Someone should eventually ask "and what?"

"Oh, there's no punchline"


Of course you know why i have no girlfriend, random stranger from the internet And you know everything about my person know, after a joke.

I love you all the haters here.


Their hearts might be in the right place but it's also doubled in size.


Funnyjunk is full of 12 year olds, scene girls, and asswipes. Left a year ago, feels good not feeling like a faggot again. I mean, reddit has its faggot's too, but sometimes not everyone is animated of the same spirit of that faggot.


I don't get it. Explain to me like I'm.. oh, never mind.


I used to ride the karma trains, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


this chick is the best.


omg this is the LAMEST thing I continue to hear on reddit. So, if she doesn't put out (Because she's fucking exhausted) she should accept him being a selfish husband or she should be prepared for him to CHEAT?

Are.you.fucking.kidding.me?

Men...*shakes head*.


It was embarrassing for you? Think of the guy who died... His death caused the whole flight to get diverted to LA. He must have been mortified...


Well, were they attractive?

Edit: Damn, -90 so far, a personal best!


It's pronounced "tzatziki"


I'm one of those weirdos that wears a watch strap side up, with the face on the inside of my wrist. I know what you're thinking: it's not my other hand that's bleeding.

It's those fuckers I stabbed with my wrist-mounted impaler.

"Take that, motherfucker!"

***STAB***


THIS-IS-PRIVATE!!! *slams bathroom door shut


>Yeah, take that people who were actually seriously concerned about your situation & tried to offer compassion & sympathy to a stranger after an extremely serious event!

Fuck those people who take the internet seriously with compassion.  Seriously.  They ruin everything and make it worse for the rest of us. Need more trolls.


I should review this don't you agree


It's actually not about fat people at all, we used you as an example because you happen to be the most popular hate sub on reddit right now. Congrats! We assure you that we'd have a similar reaction to users from /r/blackpeoplehate, /r/shortpeoplehate, /r/muslimhate, you get the idea.


This is like, your captain speaking.


there were natural disasters PRIOR to their marriage, too. What's your point? OH, and OP is not an Atheist.


It sounds cool as fuck but I don't know if it would've worked as well back then. The general audience needed Spidey's backstory to get them attached to the character. Now that we've seen it twice, Fincher's approach would work perfectly for a new reboot.


The only thing downvoted harder than useless youtube comments are the many piss-poor attempts at irony.


Yes because so many people see your desktop background, which makes it the perfect stage to cry for help. What is wrong with wanting to be skinny anyway?


With such a wonderful, supportive, loving father it's simply astonishing that they turned out to be anything less that perfect.


Playing Fallout 3...on a console?

Wow. You are one stupid ass bitch.


I have enough sex and save it for that!


well since he's married you could go for a guy like me. :)  i don't need sex to be with someone. i mean, you can suck a dick right?


I wasn't aware of this moment, but still, irrelevant.


Yes. I am very picky. I won't do gangbangs, I never do only blowjob scenes (because you get paid less and it's the same amount of work and you don't get fucked in return), I won't do anal, and I once turned down a scene where like 5 guys would come in my pussy and then I would drip it out into a cup and drink it.


>Feb 3, 2015

EDIT: Excuse me for not being on Reddit so much I know everything that's posted, I'll have less of a life from now on, downvoters.

You reddit bullies are so tough and scary!


Dude. You owe your father this.

I'm not saying put it on Reddit, but I've been in jail. It's fucking hellish, you're treated like shit, the worst kind.

Fuch that. Germanic style.

These assholes are probably teeing off on the back nine somewhere without a care in their mind, your father is doing time.


Lol! ducks! Haha suh randumz!


Eight-hundred million infinity plus eighteen.


U know how I know u live in ur moms basement and have zero social skills? You just referred to something from a video game as "epic." U nerds sit on here all day and jerk off to RPG characters instead of going out and meeting people and have fun. I feel sorry for you all. U social inept retards r embarressing to reddit.


That comment is so racist it runs Congress.


Or is it just fantasy?


It's like asking Chris Brown for anger management tips.


damn it. What about getting ll?


What? (°□°' )

    Edit: Yey, my most upvoted comment of all time is no longer about the kids who overdosed on cocaine! Now it's about disabled people!


I'm not the one slamming reddit in the conversation.


I actually had a guy tell me once that "(his) car has enough power that it can pass a car that is going 65 while (he) is only going 55."

He was completely serious. It was an early 90's 2 door Accord with a "sport" button on his automatic transmission.

I tried explaining that one of the two cars had a really fucked up speedometer, but then gave up.


Proof or it didn't happen


I have a pee penis and a semen penis.  Don't you?


Not really. A buddy of mine dropped my laptop and cracked the case and I didn't really care. I'm not an angry person, but there are things that set me off.

And a lot of those things I only see in reddit.


Isnt that called Africa?


why is this not top comment?


Strongbad emails changed my teenage years


We're trying to figure it out now. We've had video IAmAs before, but not like this. You make a great point about there not being discussion and replies to the answers.


HELLO MAYOR THIS IS JOB


I don't know. Why not? The guy posting this shit on here seems to think it's his personal website.


Reminds me of the John Steinbeck quote, "Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires."


I know that but I'm not one of those girls.  I'm straight.


How the HELL was anyone supposed come close to guessing that one?


People hate you because you're disgusting. That's why.


No one ever pays *me* in cars.


What you just said.


It does both! Poorly!


I used to eat  freeze pops as an adult, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


In revenue or profit? This is important information.


Upvote for being everywhere, even on reddit.


Never have I wished to have a dick more than at this moment.

[*Edit](http://i.imgur.com/rnfCGjB.gif)


Hello, just hijacking top comment for a little correction that i feel is crucial to point out. *I* was the first one to verify, confirm and report this as actual news. I had also tweeted the news before the "rumor" came out. Thanks for your understanding. :)


You think that's bad, my coworkers found out my username the other day. They insist on calling me it in the office.


You really know how to milk that karma, don't you?


This can only end with someone shitting on the armrest.


Look at you ya little internet google sleuth good job.


"Grandma needs a ride to the grocery store"


"hey immigrants. If you're from one of those places we like that happen to also speak English commonly, you get it easy. If you're from one of those *other* places well FUCK YOU you've also gotta learn a completely new language just to function! Don't forget, we're the land of opportunity!"


Shaun White is actually known not to smoke pot, which is part of the reasons for him dominating the olympics.
Most snowboarders consider The X-games to be the most important competition, since boarders don't bail out b/c of drug tests.


Right, because that's something he has on his mind right now.. fucking chicks.. are you stupid or something?


As a child, I literally thought the 'Adult World' store we drove past on the way to the mall was where people went to fill out their taxes and things.


Why did this need to be confirmed? HR is for dumbasses at the bottom who couldn't hack it in any real position.


<3** sUmMeR aLbUm <3**


This made laugh audibly. Upvote for thee


Image
Manager
Generally for
Uploading to
Reddit


I used to run into this guy, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Maybe they'll pull the ol' switcheroo on ya.


>2010

>/r/classic4chan material


Oh she knew, they always do. I love to take a piss during winter, the cold feels so good.


Remember that it could always have been worse.


Ahh, the classic [Oreos in milk.](http://i.imgur.com/gN7zg9O.jpg)

Already got it on the side to wash down the crap you people feed me.

Obviously has to be the easiest 10/10 dunk.

Thank you for your suggestion!


The people did speak over and over in 32 states. Why do YOU hate democracy?


I don't think you could drink it all before it curdled into some weird chocolate cheese.


As if a meth addict can claim moral superiority against a bigot. News flash: you aren't fooling anybody.

EDIT: Hey Reddit, can you cool it down with the downvotes. I was just trying to make a fucking joke.

FUCKING ASSHOLES


My brother-in-law looks black unless he's around other black men.  He claims that he's *incognegro*.


hahahahahaha! oops!
Thx 2no


The sea is, in a very real sense, awesome. I've been sailing all my life and just being out there out of sight of land and the weather comes in is an incredible feeling. We live in such sanitised worlds that it can be pretty unnerving to be at the mercy of an uncontrollable force.


OP-OP-OP OPEN CONDOM STYLE


I'm in the Netherlands, can I cuss too?


Again, I'm still not sure why you need it but like I said, another photo has been attached.  Go ahead and photoshop away via scanner LOL MR 1990'S COMPUTER HAXOR SO L33T WITH UR PHOTOSHOPZ AND MSPAINTS


Watch the bar scene from Good Will Hunting and do that.


OMG I SPEND 2 MUCH TIME ON REDDIT UPVOTE IF U AGREE

**Re-edit: Lol**


:'( spaceship > firetruck. all the way.

Edit: Lego spaceship > Lego firetruck.


*What's wrong with his speling
EDIT: I find it hilarious that I'm getting downvoted for absolutely no reason, I guess people are too retarded to realize what I even wrote


AVERT YOUR GAZE PEASANT!


Hopefully, the MPAA/RIAA actually get the IP's of every single user and use court orders to get the real names of the people behind those IP's and sue every US IP.  Fucking idiot 'pirates.'


Also, using ~$100 headphones as your own personal neck speakers.


SOUNDS LIKE SOME HOMELESS PEOPLE I HAVE SEEN ON THE STREETS.


If you are a woman over about 55 you are invisible. You are non-threatening, unassuming, and trustworthy. You are "gramma". You can get away with things you wouldn't believe.


Found the fatty^. Im talking about this instance. He'd still have a below average, but functional penis if he didnt have 6 inches of fat protruding from his gross body.


Totally agree. Heck If anyone finds shit like this, they should report them, regardless of the fact that they might be friends/family. Hats off to you OP for doing the right thing.


Upside are the Anna gangbangs

on second thought that's probably how they all got sick...


This commercial. Burned into my memory forever


You're rambling, you ok?


apparently, 1 in 10 people live next door to a paedophile. not me though, I live next door to a really sexy 10-yr old girl.


lol dominicans on reddit klk


"When does le narwhal bacon?"


ehhh, let's not.

edit: cool let's upvote making fun of the jews.


Damn! That works 3 different ways!

1: The kid is dead

2: He passed the ball instead of giving it to beastmode

3: He decided not to go

That was a fundamentally good joke!


Not all cyclists, just the ones who ride children's toys in grown-up traffic.


"You fucking asshole I can't believe you cheated on me with my sister."

"Bitch you fucked my boss!"

"Get the fuck out!"

"Whatever I'm out."

.....

_goes down slide_

...

_walks back upstairs_

"Forgot my hat"

_goes down slide again_


Maybe you're a dumb fuck lacking pop culture and current news information?


I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refrigerator, blender.... all you do is say what the shit does, and add "er". I wanna work for the Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute. Hey, what does that do? It keeps shit fresh. Well, that's a fresher....I'm going on break.


Good. Good. Let the hate flow through you.


"Why are you still filming?"

"Because this is fucking hilarious!"


She just wanted that Rwandan D.


A *Scottish* dwarf, eh. I knew I was reading your comments in the right accent.


"bad rivens". How can anyone be bad with that headroll champion. Melee version of ryze. herp derp.
Edit: Down vote me all you want. :) We all know it's true.


Then he returned in the basement, where a large glass coffin stands. An antique-looking life support machine stands next to it, several cables and tubes run into the occupant of the coffin, an old man with neatly combed hair and an eye-catching moustache.

Silent words are spoken. "He is gone. Your secret is safe, mein Führer."


Yep just about everything can rip your face off here, I will now add this guy to the list of them.


According to Bobby Slaton, a comedian who worked with her on some Nickelodeon show, Demi Lovato is an awful person. He says that she accidentally headbutted him and gave him a bloody nose and then got mad at him for bleeding.


Ya man i sure managed to aquire full third age ranged and then took it into wildy, you got me!

no but your post is fake. let me go price check a bunch of gear on a pvp world and post it to reddit


What the fuck did I just read?


Maybe your new here, but us reditors don't take kindly to OPs double dipping karma in the comment section...

Here you dropped this...

*le downvotes mwahahahaha*


"Hello all you desperate men seeking a warm fleshlight! We have an amazing thing right here. *Pretty Minerals.* Convince your sweetheart to do things with you even though she is a total gold-digger! Buy some pretty minerals today!"

EDIT: Every time I mention a rock, it is a mineral.

EDIT: MY NAME'S. NOT. MARIE!


Not sure if i believe this. i've been around lots of mothers, it isn't a OMFG moment when your kid walks. she bust threw the office door crying happy tears? how about "aww hunny you should come here she's taking her first steps! how cute"


He should just teach you how to fish.


Ugh. How many cocks will you take up the ass til you finally feel full?

Edit - Damn this comment has legs! Seeing what a dank pool of retards reddit has become as of late, each downvote is something to be proud of. Thanks idiots!


I agree, I prefer the European style waiting. I don't need you to ask me every goddamned five minutes if I need anything else or if everything is okay. Just let me eat my food in peace.

Edit: I get it. Some people prefer the attentiveness. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.


The graphics is nasty


gonna go ahead and not ever look into that.


I see you exclusively browse this subreddit, how were your school holidays, kiddo?


I hate when I have no one to get mad at but myself, it amplifies my anger 10x


Do NOT congratulate this, this...reposter!  http://www.demilked.com/google-street-view-photos/     Stolen lock, stock and barrel. At least give credit where credit is due vile OP.


That seems like a sensible reason to own a beat-up car.


Good job supporting some fake-ass religion. God isn't even real and all of us in reddit don't want you here around these parts. Have a good day, sir.


Glad we can both agree that it takes a certain amount of faith to be an Atheist.


You absolutely can not. Blue balls are like a crusade on the testicles


Not everything is craftable, and often they'll dangle temporary exclusives that come with game pre-orders before the plebians touch them with their filthy hands. Again, they are vanity items, so its not game-breaking but Valve does some cutthroat business practices as well.


what the fuck did I just read.


Will inform you once I get home as to why Mormonism is BLASPHEMOUS and a corrupt religion.

It wasn't even allowed to have blacks in the church until the 70's. And it was also started by joseph smith who was a Freemason.


>troll guy

well, i'm officially done with this website


He might bite down the second he realizes his brother's dick is in his mouth. Test it with the hotdog first, then move up to the penis. Better safe than cock-less.


google that shit you fucking moron


I turn, sometimes you want to see what just happened (inspect your bowel health, look for monsters)

Edit: Thank you for the gold mysterious, poop viewing, stranger.


98% of the subscribers here were born in the new millennium. They wouldn't know.


> My twin brother and I go to different colleges

I really thought you and /u/lawebley were brothers for a second


This now has 2700 on this subreddit. I did better :-)


We are the 90%.

Occupy our parents' houses.


Definitely not you elitist douche. If you can drive you're not a child you're a young adult.


Unfortunately, the reason why she probably didn't know that an IQ of 90 was not so great was because, well, she had an IQ of 90.


Which is why I downvoted you.

Also you're a moron.


I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.


Free market my furry arse!

Did you miss the fact the CBC gets a billion bucks a year from the taxpayer, and a mandatory place on cable?


Every part of that was incredibly awkward.


Nobody cares who you are, you're a cop - not a person.


I once heard these wise words of advice in my youth:

>If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends;

>Make it last forever, friendship never ends.


I didn't read your comment. Just thought I'd let you know.


I always forget that there on successful people on reddit with real jobs and nice things. And here I am sitting in my boxers and eating pretzels while trying to figure out how many episodes of House of Cards I can binge watch before I have to go to class.

I like your door.


Ah, I'm sorry. I thought you meant that guys who wanted to...eh, you know what I meant.

Yeah, you're right, I am being a bit sexist. I still think it is true. As I stated, I don't know what is going on in *every* guy's head, but I know enough to draw some conclusions. That is stereotyping, but stereotypes are usually correct, aside from a few exceptions.


>I couldn't bring myself to tell them that they were unwittingly sharing a vibrator

They both wittingly shared you as a vibrator.


He still takes too many steps after regaining possession.

Edit: I'm not saying it should have been called within the context of the game, give. The history of the league making that call, but he clearly takes too many steps. The Blazer fans in this thread need to cool down with their voting.


No, she showed it the ark of the covenant.


This "defines" SRS in the same way that you going NUH UH, YOU ARE defined your opponents in grade school.

Congratulations, you love the stupid.


A friend answered this with "Yeah, I'm lazy. You see I do things right the first time so I don't have to do more work."
He got the job...


Speak for yourself. He was a great player but not everyone is a fan of his.


This is gonna be another one of those Novelty Accounts that averages more Karma per hour than ive managed in one year... :(


since you're a fucking fag with no self-control who likes looking a shit memes all night

get a life


The Cadbury's sold in the US is manufactured by Hershey's and uses Hershey's chocolate recipe, so yes.


You have an awful username and I am not reading your comment in fear of some shitty half-assed novelty account (-:

As a Reddit Gold User who expects quality of comments in relevant comment threads, am downvoting yours accordingly

Ninja Edit: I instantly mustered up the courage to read your comment. Downvote was definitely warranted :-)


Red leader, this is gold leader, I'm beginning my attack run...

Tried to rape the exhaust port, but it just dinged off the outside... now the whale is angry.

Edit: whoa thanks for the gold!  You the true gold leader nao!


I see what you did the

-re.


He should implant a vagina there so he could make some money on the side


No, I'm not in that position because I'm currently in school so I can be in that position. Watch out bronies!


When I fart and someone hears it I say, Some asshole just farted in my pants!


For sexually assaulting "10" women for no reason other than to impress his friends?


Do you by chance work at the Burbank Buy More?


Of course Obama's campaign team is currently in Israel trying to defeat Netanyahu.  Now that is the definition of slimy bullshit.


> Eventually we came to such terms, I assure you, that you would have thought she had been brought up in a school for whores

I do believe that this belongs in one of the insult threads that are so popular at the moment


When you die, your assets AND debts belong to your estate.  Your estate goes to your nearest living relative.

Maybe she should have tried raising a son that wasn't a worthless piece of shit.  She talks about his acts of theft as though he were doing it to make an honest living.  She deserves this.


I don't remember most of the people I meet in a single day, I'd probably say "Oh hey man, how's it going?" and depending on how chummy you were I'd probably feel bad for forgetting who you were but not for long because this happens a lot.

tldr; my memory is shitty


LockNessMonster? What? Learn how to spell Nessie's name!


As someone with Cerebral Palsy - I approve.

Edit: I don't mean to plug, but I've had heaps of messages asking me to do an AmA. It's here: http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/tcrts/iama_22yearold_male_with_cerebral_palsy_ama/


It seems suspicious if you get your news from reddit. Looks to me like this guy made millions by dealing copyrighted material, and they have enough evidence to nail his balls firmly to the wall.

You kids on /r/technology and /r/worldnews (really? *world* news??) love to obsess over these meaningless details.  Prepare for a world of butthurt when the verdict comes down.


Well don't worry, we took care of him.


Ubisoft is testing the waters to see how much they can fuck up and still have their Stockholm-afflicted buyers eating up everything that they'll offer.

So far, it's working.


Can we start a big thing where we just end every article, comment, and conversation about these assholes with "And they died like little bitches."
?

Edit: As always, thank you for the gold.


Please kill yourself.


\> nummyhead
Just that word annoys me.


>Neither term is intended to disrupt the other, individuals misappropriating them for their own purposes such as derailing are to blame for that.

Most people who do this have no idea what they're doing and actually believe that they're arguing in good faith.

>People such as myself use dictionary definitions

lol! Yeah, I'm done.


They plump when you cook 'em.


Yeah yeah, not everybody is that brigth.


> :)

I've learned now that this is his response before he knocks you the fuck out.


I think you replied to the wrong person.


I thought it was blood and they were all dead, like some sort of train massacre ...am I the only one who thought this?


shit man, I was all up in here ready to coo over your corgi pup, but what the fuck happened to your face? You amish or some shit? Girl break up with you?


That's a very serious health violation. Did they ever get officially reported?


10/10 with rice.

What? I like rice.

:(


To be fair though, it was pretty expected. You don't tell a kid with cancer, "You lost the bet kid, I ain't doing shit for you"


Whoa whoa spoilers fucking faggot


The boy has two dad's. Don't be so homophobic.


I'd actually give her a good 8/10. Still doesn't excuse cheating on your own wife with your brother's wife for 8 years.


The length of the mission is currently set for 23 months to achieve mission success, but it could be extended just like the Mars Exploration Rovers.  They had a prime mission of 90 days but Opportunity is still operating over 8 years later.  -VM


Suing a the widow shortly have her husband dies makes you a a fucking cunt. Just stop talking.


Meh, we still have the Internet - it's not called Internet Explorer for nothing!


I know right. Someone should do a better job. Any volunteers?


Cologneoscopy...am i right?


Because they don't agree with the mayor, you want to fire them? That's not totalitarian or anything!

Fuck you.


I'm British and have never had to swear my allegiance to the Queen.


fuck everyone for downvoting this


DONT REMIND ME OF THAT BOOK MAN

DOES THINGS TO MY EYES

WET THINGS


Yes, racism is hilarious! Unless it comes from Bill DeMott, of course.


My teeth hurt just looking at this picture.


ERMAHGERD, ERDVERTERSERN


I'm kind of excited about the prospect of coming at Democrats hard from the left, and coming at Republicans hard from the right. Challenge them both to be good at what they are supposed to be good at.


to bad hes a dum idiot


I've never been happier not to have kids.

EDIT: Everyone please stop messaging me how great kids are.  DO NOT WANT.

EDIT2: I'm already a subscriber to /r/childfree!


Only in Florida thanks to Stand Your Ground. And as Martin v. Zimmerman showed us, it basically can allow you get away with murdering a black kid. And as Tumblr shows us, why use a real world example of actual bigotry in the law when you can make up shit and lie to your friends about stuff that never happens.


>Pasta doused in butter covered in parm.cheese.

Is it bad that i think this sounds absolutely delicious?

Terrible bachelor food is 1 slice of wonderbread with 2 slim jims cut in half put on top, covered with spray on cheese in a can, topped of with another slice of wonderbread.


Like your mom took it?


Too late

(•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

The cat's out of the bag.


i correct myself, maybe meet some nice males. unless your...well...


I have accomplished nothing in this life.


Nobody cares.

Nobody.


and then your wife said no


If bird was ever drafted in the modern era


he should do ama: how to survive 20 years without salary


SO MUCH MORE CONTRIBUTION BUT STILL NOT ACTUALLY CONTRIBUTING ANYTHING WHATSOEVER!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


> sending cock pics back and forth.

ಠ_ಠ


Oh shit! I have no funny gif to present you with, only an upvote and words. You sir are magnificent.


That's a coincidence, not irony.


wouldn't you like to fuck me instead, faggot?


He's only got one dog... it'll be sad to see that dog killed 3 times.


Karma is a bitch sometimes, he was scamming people into thinking it was a DVD. I'm not saying he should die for it, but Jesus works in mysterious ways sometimes and punishes those who do injustice upon others. I personally have fell victim to this scam and was lucky enough to have paypal return the money and let me keep the stupid scam item they sent.


I'm not sure.  I am one of several Zeddies in a line of generations.  It might be a southern thing?


go back to r/mensrights and cry about how your rights are being taken away because you're insecure and feel emasculated you pathetic, small dicked, premature ejaculating excuse for a human being


Or just turn off your wifi and play the waiting game for someone to try resetting the box.


We are only having women and those born as biological females at the current meetings. We have been in discussion about having a larger meeting this summer at some type of convention hall and I am open to the idea of allowing men and trans women to attend but other members of our community are skeptical so I can't promise anything.


>I want him to see how one beggar child here has more than five siblings.

He's from Argentina. Trust me, he's seen that one.


what the h\*ll is your problem, you racist pr\*ck? what's worse is that your comment is upvoted as well. is reddit really a bunch of fr\**king racists?


What a visionary.

Nailed it.


Well, not all of us. Kid looks like he has a phobia of food.

edit: Thanks for the downvotes. I never said the guy isn't awesome at what he does or dedicated to his training. I was implying that not all of us train to be small/lean. I guess I'm in the wrong subreddit.


This, and who they were, not just a count


Incorrect, the wall was already there--and it was built by the religious ones.

**edit:** 91 downvotes? I am usually not one to jump to conspiracy, but this is clearly the result of some sort of organized effort.

Speaking of walls...


he did require a cashier to point him to the Bath section of a Bed Bath and Beyond.


Or you just like to sound smart on reddit.


`Linux bug report #12801: Kernel does not work in space`


Ahh... the old [reddit switch-a-roo.](http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/zmkco/ever_since_my_move_to_texas_3_months_ago_ive_been/c65yy5l?context=1)


Well you'd have to get off of reddit in order to encounter something outside of it.


You can post here, just check your privilege first.


Yeah I think they mentioned that in that documentary, "10,000 B.C."


I saw the title post and was going "yes, sweet karma! I'll just post 500 days of summer!"

You beat me to it!


Have they been keeping tabs on you since you were banned so that they know what you look like? Because if not, I'm pretty sure you can go back and buy your goddamn candy.


Americans won't get it, have an upvote.


because oreilly can't say "because common is black" on tv.


"Dating is *hard* right gurlz? Why can't I just be given exactly what I want, complete with the appropriate mentality? Is that so much to ask?"

*meanwhile*

"I only date guys who are 6' and honor muh curvz."

edit: /r/TrollXChromosomes: http://m.imgur.com/a/solyv


And that is exactly why I do that. I know if you did it, you'd probably get fired.


My reaction to your comment:[...](http://i.imgur.com/bPSUR.gif)
*thank you~*


she is going to be popular.


If your wife can deadlift 215 pounds she is doing it wrong. And I'd bet any amount of money that you do it wrong too.

All these comments make me realize why there are other fitness subs that do nothing but shit talk this place, you are all retarded. Have fun doing shitty form deadlifts with way too much weight.


27 minutes late, sorry everyone.


I know, but Manson's answer is about the shooters.


Fucker must be reeeeaaal confident in his running skills to say that.


It's pure propaganda. Do you really think Jews were fair to Hitler when describing the man in the late 30s in American and British newspapers? Or during the war? Or after the war when they were busy painting the Allies as wonderful heroes, and the Germans as monsters? We've never seen a balanced description of Hitler. It would not be permitted to be published.


Exactly. Unwarranted search without reasonable suspicion followed by seizure of private property. This all against a minor not being represented by a lawyer or guardian.


Someone else already posted that. I'm still learning.


Says the man who fucks goats


NOT AS SICK AS SHOVING A MACHETE IN THIS GUY'S SISTER'S CUNT!


Man, I wish my neighbors were like you.


Sorry, is there anything I can do for your butthurt?

Would you like me to send you a letter apologizing?

How about I just don't let myself have sweets for a full week?

I just feel sooooo badddddddddddd abouttttttttttttt ya butthurtz.


You say that as though this explanation makes any more sense.


Fuck you. This is NOT [/r/bestof](/r/bestof) material. It's just another user wishing a merry christmas. Whoop de fucking doo.


That's worth like $700.


>Thoughts go out to everyone affected.

Try not to wear yourself out.


This is probably the only non-revenge story in this thread


nigga tell me how u feel


I'm amazed he got there in 15 minutes....


No, he is because he is still insinuating the fact that the person he replied to is mentally disabled and therefore he is a bad humang being.


By my kid's time it was simply scanning in the report card, and photoshop. And this was 2001.


It isn't possible to eat 6000 calories a day and not gain any weight, just as it isn't possible to eat 100 calories a day and not lose any weight.


I wasn't allowed to draw on myself when I was a kid, because I would get "ink poisoning."

. . .


so that's two dumb things in one post. Incredible. Forgot the spacer, and then called the spacer a blade. it's almost like you tried to be dumb (jk- I promise I am not that much of an asshole)


I always chuckle when supernatural netherworldsy ghost beings have to put up with the most mundane aspects of the human experience, like turning door knobs lol. Instead of just using magic or walking through. I wonder if they file taxes or need to jump start their car batteries ever.


Maybe only 35 permanent jobs, but building a pipeline of that magnitude takes time. It would provide many opportunities for otherwise unskilled workers to learn a trade and make something of themselves in order to secure employment well beyond the construction. Even if it is on another project.


Seriously, we gonna stand in our underwear, with our faces 1 inch from each other, staring intensely into each other eyes, and you gonna tell me I can't get one kiss!?


That's definitely not the WTF we're going for here, move along people.


Also, people who defend their actions with "well, they pay someone to clean it up. If I throw my trash away, they'll be out a job."

Fuck you, Mike.


The reason that the bacon argument is used so often, even in less than mature fashion, is because it's bullet proof. It is mathematically impossible not to like it. Just like the theory of relativity. Some bible thumpers can choose to not agree with the theory of relativity, but they are simply wrong.


That would be so delicious.


No its is not a sex offense do you want to ruin her life just like she tried to ruin theirs. Yes it is disgusting that she would falsely accuse them of rape and I also thing 2 years isn't enough, but that does not make her a sex offender.


Tomorrow will be fun when 1000 redditors show up to the ranch parking lot but are too nervous to go inside.  We could tailgate.


Yeah, Ralph is pretty shitty.


I bought over 300 pens for a school project with the same goal in mind, but I was too lazy and now I have pens all over my fucking house.


lolz get banned, bitch.


UUGGGHHHH Yes...the twirl!!  I always felt guilty bringing the bills to regular who always tipped so nicely too :'(


Pretty sure Undertaker was only nerfed due to public outcry, not sure why people are so confident Boom is next


nah you're a kiss ass little pussy


Next time just demonstrate rather than explain.  It's much less awkward.


Yeah, that's logical.  Move the elevator, not the sign.


> She stepped outside the societal rules made for a low caste women.

Oh, as long as there was a good reason.


MY DADDY WAS PROUD OF MY BRODER JONATON WEN HE HAD DA SEXY TYME WIT MY SISTA!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE IS DYED BUT I HAPPY CAWSE NOW I GET ALL DA TOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LE GAGA GOO GA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It really isn't because reddit has beat this topic to the ground
Picked it back up
Then beat it into the ground again
And ghetto stomped it twice
And then this is the result


wow that meme hasn't already been beaten to death /s


At first I was thinking how terrible that must have been, then I realized it was a masturbation joke.


except that people have outright told me that i would totally deserve it if i was assaulted?


They were good.  The ball pit is basically a trampoline full of plastic balls.

Also, don't ever let your kids (if you have them) play in ball pits.  They're rarely cleaned.  When we did clean them, we put them in my boss' pickup truck in netted bags.  Then we just went through a carwash. :/


you too??

karma party over here!

everyone downvote me and upvote these sensible good guys!!


That TL;DR is perfect.

*Too* perfect....


How is **not** taking people's money in the same boat as spending? I'm not spending if I decide to not reach into your wallet and take more of your income. That's not spending....


they can go fuck themselves


It is not my fault that other countries are open about their sexuality and don't have a word for sexual assault.


That's adorable. Dammiting.


you're either been awake for 3 minutes or your days wasn't worth living, man.


Quite possibly. He is a friend of mine. My bf and I broke up and I posted a status about wanting a bf and that I would be taking applications... had nooo clue anyone would take it seriously despite it getting 40 likes...


He didn't pay anything for the kid, so get over yourself.  He was not the kid's father.


This doesn't really seem super common, I haven't really seen this to be honest.

Edit: USA Midwest


Best comment of all time


At least you didn't get thrown out a window


you are clearly being outplayed tho. you babies keep yelling wahh wah just two scores. you are getting man handled like bitches.


I didn't wing it.. I just did some of the better jokes twice!!


Yeah, what a fag.

-35 Karma? Bring it on faggots, I can take the downvotes. I have 800 karma, you should bring it down to 0. You can do it white knights of karma induced righteousness.


I'm trying to think of an actual equivalent for America, but I don't think anybody eats anything as frequently as Koreans eat kimchi.

Edit: you guys sure have a lot of opinions on the matter (though 80% of them do appear to be either "cheese," "bread" or "potatoes.")


I love it, atheists making money off selling bibles- totally okay.

Churches ask for donations to fund themselves since they aren't tax supported- apparently comparable to Hitler.

And yes, the majority of atheists have beliefs in one form or another.. most subscribe to the big bang/abiogenesis theories.


MJ was likely sexually and physically abused himself.


It actually is "The only time you get ass is when your hand accidentally slips when you're on the toilet."


No. I'm cockney and sound like an orc from Lord of the Rings.


I get that, I'm just saying the keypad should work the second time. Why would it continue to put that random digit in front of every attempt the dude made. It just didn't sound believable to me


He didn't die, he just escaped our world is all!


Came here from 9gag and taking abreak. All the things they say about reddit are true. Total rubbish. I hope you get banned. I am logging out and headed back over to 9gag.


I would be so drunk going back after lunch.


I thought they got rid of /r/Jailbait


I still do and I'm 24. Girlfriend of 4 years sits next to me on the couch, I get hard. Thankfully, she finds it adorable.


...it totally is his fault.


I'd be the worst person in the world for PMR because I have no interesting interests.

*Yo dawg, I heard you like....books so we put a...book in your car.*


I used to deliver the best man's speech as a child, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Decided to try out [Hummus](http://i.imgur.com/qcEaJrh.jpg)

Because I have one bite of it left that my mom won't throw away.

Tasted pretty bad, 3/10, not as bad as mayo, but like I said, almost all condiments shouldn't be dunked.

Thank you for your suggestion.


One is part of a group of murderous, stupid psychopaths and the other is white.


Don't need porn when you've got priests.


No, just a shitty joke.


Well that's... ADORABLE


Ah yes, should have pointed out that this is low settings on everything except models is high.


You might even say... periodically?


Don't hold back, tell me how you really feel.


I fucking hate all of you.

Upvotes all around.


Great candidate for euthanasia.

Edit- thanks for the gold! I'm going to Disneyland!

Edit 2- That's it! Let the liberalism flow through you! You people value animals like humans. You are fools.


I'm... I HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO I MENTION DFG LIKE EVERY 5 LINES ON MY GUIDE.


"Made me"

Um, was she your superior (and as such ordered you to do it, and you didn't stand up for yourself), or are you just such a pussy you couldn't over power a woman, and walk the fuck out the door?


St. RePeter

Edit - Wow, thanks for the gold, kind Internet stranger!  Such a simple little throwaway comment is now, frankly, the highlight of my life....


Unprotected sex with a guy who fucks tons of other women and never gets tested...

... don't call yourself smart.


Yes. Wayne , Chip,Brad and Jeff are amazing at it. They never get enough credit because people think they've cheated somehow. But they are simply the best


Sounds more like rape to me. Sounds like the guy knew she was in there or perhaps it was a domestic case and she was having an affair on her dying husband. What better way to cover it up than to call 911 and they shoot to kill.


No but I would not be opposed to boxing scumbag steve


Have some respect for Purepwnage bro.


As my mom would say "boy, if you were any more special, you'd need a ramp".


And leave your wipers up next time so you don't damage them with the ice scraper.


You should stop driving with hot plates and loaded guns.


I'd rather have Chris Paul


Did you see her from the front or back?


Stalker.

Also, learn to take jokes.


"East? I thought you said 'Weast'?"


I agree its fucked up, but he wanted the sex and if there was no harm done (I'm assuming he's clean) then ignore the bitch and move on with life.


Tell a moderately attractive man that he's attractive tomorrow in whatever way feels appropriate to you. It's likely it'll be the first time he's heard it from a woman with whom he's not in a relationship in a long while, possibly ever.


Honestly, not really, she goes off track alot. She can just give the address, her name and information instead of crying and talking about how drunk he is. I understand the situation but i disagree with what you just said


I was in a similar position. A girl was looking for the bathroom and accidentally opened the closet door. A dead hooker fell onto the floor. I had to explain for about 2 hours that I only killed *hookers* and she was perfectly safe with me.


fk u fkn american.

im 100prosent sur u r fukn retard


An escort who knows the word courtesan. Rrrrrrrrrrrright.

EDIT: It's funny when Reddit wants a sex TIFU to be true & ignores that it's obviously fanfic by a 40-year-old in his mom's basement. Downvote away!


His parents need to somehow get him into a situation where he has to act bravely (for a kid), and trick him into thinking he has his cape on but he really doesn't. "The power was in you all along!"


How are we forcing this on you? It's a link to a brony video. You're not being forced to click it.


Hey, thanks for hanging out with us weird kids, some of us eventually figure it out.


yeah, except what she's saying in this instance is complete horseshit.

so i guess she's a real professional, huh?


>Act like it was on purpose, eat the lid, assert dominance, get ~~hunnies~~ plastic poisoning.


lol, this is actually pretty funny

Edit, to the downvoters: This comment was at the bottom with 0 upvotes when i left my comment, so you can all suck my dick :)


a monocle would drop your regret rating about 5% by my calculations.


Well I'm sorry, but this makes you an honorary faggot.


Wouldn't it have been terrible to have been bragging to your boys for three weeks about the "17 year old girl" who blew you through the glory hole. Then right before you get on the school bus you read this article in the paper. School must have been rough that day.


Wait...... that horrible pile of shit of a song was sung by one of Will Smith's kids?

We lose Robin Williams but have to keep this no good annoying family? I have never hoped a family would go broke and lose all fame as much as I am hoping for it to happen to the Smiths right now.


"I SAID I GOT IT MOM!!!"

*to person on other side of phone*

"sorry, my mom sometimes is just..ugh.."


I wonder how many ppl will be able to get where this is from...


This whole AMA has pretty much left me hoping he'll start a cult I can join.


I think its as prevalent, if not more than it ever was. Use of car lighters for smokers is probably not so common anymore. No smoker in 2015 wants to wait 15 seconds for that lighter to pop out.

Edit: Why is this being shitted on? Because i think smoking is still prevalent in the US? Or because i miscalculated the timing on those car lighters? Yall are strange.
I love you anyways.


TIL there's a musician named [mc chris](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mc_chris) whose music I've never heard and would never have entered my radar if he wasn't a douchenozzle.

How's that for advertising, huh?


lol yeah that's totally what's happening here

i'm sorry SRS banned you & your jimmies are still rustled but *get over it*


I have a brother. Two wongs don't make a right.


I like you as a person. i can tell.


Roller coaster?  Where was the "up" part?!


I don't see why you shouldn't charge for spending time and effort to helping people solve their issues and seeing results because of what you have done with them.


Or not turn into a female clownfish when there are only two males left.


Because Ching Chong 12:23 tells me so much of what the promotion is. I just assumed it was NJPW since every seems to be jerking off all over it right now.


In his confirmation hearings, Roberts said that judges serve as umpires. More specifically, "Umpires don't make the rules; they apply them. The role of an umpire and a judge is critical. They make sure everybody plays by the rules. But it is a limited role. Nobody ever went to a ball game to see the umpire."

Seems like he meant it. (Thank you, Roberts.)


You just have to not care at all ever at all ever again. That's how you do it.


I have to admit that the way you were describing it I thought you worked at some high-tech corporation, not Staples.


Oh EmGee ThIs Is LyKe ToTeS AdOrBz. ThAt KiTtEh NeEds SoMe LoVeN, aNd FaST


Once I thought I saw Weird Al but it turned out to be Norm Al.


Well they win iem after facing a shit tier cj, the worst team in china and a taiwanese team, basically the most pathetic victory in lol history lmao


I'd probably end up friendzoning myself


Wow, two people calling my name in the same thread


he gave me the gift of life... least i can do is get a nigga laid.


>with the occasional blackmail and doxx

[Citation needed].

As has been stated elsewhere, VA probably deleted his account because of efforts by Adrien Chen of Gawker and it's likely (though not proven) that the person who messaged the top mod of creepshots was the person who runs the Predditor tumblr. Neither Adrien Chen nor that tumblr account have any association with SRS.


no offence, but I think you look better without makeup.


> This is mob justice? It's clear almost nobody likes you here

This isn't the schoolyard in kindergardern LOL.
Do you think I'm worried if I hold a minority opinion, shut I shut up becasue someone on the internet told me so, well that indeed would make me a pussy don't you agree?


That's deliciously evil.

Edit: Well, this just replaced my old top comment, so thanks! :)


so she's playing with ice cream?

is pedobear around?


You mean all Germans aren't anti-Semitic criminals?


Fuck you, scrotemaster.


No, not all, but most. No one likes to eat clitty litter...


NO I WAS NOT WONDURING SO TANK YOU FOR WASTEING MY TYPE OP GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


AND she came out pretty attractive too. Honestly.


I'm glad to hear you can afford to drive to all the nicest stores, but this subreddit's culture doesn't exact favor wasting money.


"It's like, in the Constitution."


raiders fans are using one line jed york said about class to mock us because they literally have nothing else they can say.


Disney employee here, Disney owns everyone and everything at this point. Seriously.


Since we're making references that don't equate. Why go to the store to get milk when my mom puts it in the fridge. (Literally how your bear reference relates.)


I love this for the lesser considered option.  It would be a bizairre curve:

10-14: Retards

14-17: Power in numbers

18-22: College slackers

22-30: Disenfranchised employees

30-45: "experts"

45+ Seniors

65+ Senile

*Edit: And in 1 post, I've alienated all of Reddit.  You're all welcome.


That friend specifically is another story.  He couldn't spend $100 to go out of town with my wife and myself, but turned around the next week to blow $300 on a replica Ghostbusters backpack.


"Remember son, it's all or nothing.  ALL OR NOTHING!"


Are you serious kid? I'm not sure what Nexus7 is, I found this link through SRD, but I can tell you that Jesus Christ is my, and your, lord and savior. Respect the son of the god.


step 1: attach lie to your self worth.
step 2: get offended when they don't believe your lie because it's a direct attack on your self worth.
step 3: never realize that you're actually the one that attacked your self worth when you attached it to a lie.


Congradulations on your new open mind, I hope you aren't just trying for cheap karma!!!


Note to self: ban notch from my server, known griefer.


Why are you arguing a point you can't prove, when [you could just...](http://i.imgur.com/tQOMO.gif)


No. I don't get nervous around any human being. I can't see how anyone could.

Edit: Sensitive thugs yall all need hugs


My old english teacher told me about how he would take some pringles out of the can, poop in it, then put the pringles back, then put it in the room of people he didnt like.


These days I don't think she was out to destroy me. I think she genuinely thought she had been raped, but either way she was way too plastered to make that call.


Jesus. We're closer to when the Jetsons took place than when it aired

Edit: highest rated comment, some day I'll get gold..........


I would probably have sex with her a few times just to make her feel better but make sure the kids don't hear it. A lot of people that have been abused (like 74%) claim that sex with an in-law or relative has helped their long-term healing significantly.


Today you, tomorrow me.


I found it posted on twitter on @_youhadonejob. It is in the UK!


If murdering someone who is innocent until proven guilty is heroic, color me yellow.


Thanks for the history lesson, but I already knew that.

Edit: Apparently "Thank you" is fighting words around here. Last time I ever bother being polite to someone on the internet since it apparently lands me in the same boat as if I were an insufferable jackass.


Your dad seems like a charming gentleman.


It's only "risky" because there are animals out there who consider it acceptable to physically assault someone for not having the genitals they assumed they did.

Sounds a little bit like you'd consider that a reasonable course of action which is pretty repugnant.


Puss In Boots 2: Balls Deep


Funny how you can't put together a coherent sentence.


**LET THE MAN HAVE HIS FLAPPING PUSSY**


Bullied indirectly even in her afterlife. Sad.


Ah, the old "cancelled-lego-prize-so-your-mom-has-to-buy-you-a-lego-set-on-the-way-back-out-the-store" trick. Seen it a million times.


Holy shit you got my age right


I didn't think you could tip strippers with food stamps.


I us3d 2 b3 si11y, but th3n 1 700k a arr0w 2 th3 kne33 !!!!!!!! ;-D


You joke, but once the gig was up, they actually said this in front of us. D:


Went to Harvard Law school, was a captain in the 101st airbourne and is the youngest current U.S. Senator. What are you doing with your life?


Poor man has never had to clean a womens bathroom..in a nightclub.

Guys toilets? standard, clean a bit, replace supplies.

Girls : hazard pay


JUST LIKE IN SERIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE MOM IS THE KILLER


Well, yeah. I'm only 16, I don't want to be a Kardashian.


Coat hanger or hoover?


Inmate getting intimate with the inanimate.


It was so boring I felt an irresistible urge to express how bored I felt reading it.  Please try harder next time


But, could you imagine teaching it?  It would be enough to make anyone cry.


ERMAHGERD, LERSERS RECERNERZERERBERLERTER


Used to know a guy in high school that got the gang a brazzers sub. Best days of jerking it Ive ever had.

Sean, if youre out there, thanks bud


hahahahahahahahah this...


I don't know. I think a doll would make me happy.


don't let the downvotes tilt you, I agree wholeheartedly.


But just once. Now she's a woman *again*.


You fucking asshole. What the fuck. How can you be this terrible of a person. How can one person be filled with this much vile putrid cruel shit. I can't even understand that anymore. I used to not be able to understand how people liked you, but now I just don't know how how you even exist. What the fuck. How is humanity capable of producing someone who is as horrible as you.


> This can't be true.

Agreed.  Sounds more like /r/thatHappened


No the correct word is spite in her case.  Hate breeds hate is just a saying.

EDIT:  And might I also add that I am getting downvoted for suggesting to not be negative.  Just let that sink in.


Yeah what the hell where those builders thinking. Somebody should've just taken a step back and said "bloody hell, they look abandoned". Definitely a weird choice of architecture.


I believe zombie bears would have blood dripping from their teeth, he did not I thank Budda.


You can see that in the first trailer, too. He's definitely hexed by Scarlet Witch.


That's not very nice! I'm SURE you ruined that cashier's day by making fun of her hometown. I am DOWNVOTING you because of your rudeness to random strangers. Next time, be more polite. I can guarantee a GOOD CHRISTIAN wouldn't act like this! :)


Just for the +20 frost resistance.


Who's this "we", oh redditor for twelve days? What have you contributed? I see three comments in your posting history, all responding to this girl, the first one GW.

So either you're a newb with no idea what is and isn't considered appropriate around here, or you're a sockpuppet of someone with something to hide. Either way, run along, adults are talking.


dm is the saddest of all chords.


I hope he dies in prison, thank you very much.


Say what you will, but I'm keeping an eye on my neighbor, Jason Hamburglar.


Your neighbors are the epitome of trash


Stop ruining everything


she is a strong female character, do u hate women? pig

u expect her to submiss to Walter and do evil thangs together?


He switched it up because he was close, I guarantee it


Or an incredibly smart person.


You know the guy's not fucking around with three v's in his last name.


Virgin to fat bitches, damn str8 son.


Shit where's my wallet? Wallet is in hand.


So respect for others ain't your strong suit?

Edit: 47 doubles my best reddit score, many thanks all.


I had to drop out of Awesome Medical school for financial reasons.  But I still have my Bachelors degree from Pretty Cool University.


The reason is obvious.  The only reason to ask the question is to point out the obvious.  You know this but don't want to say it because that whole false point you just made will come crumbling down.  ;)


Please kill yourself.


Edmonds is their Jamaican affiliate.


Currently has more potential than Kobe.


Smells like teen desperation.


No dice :( I can't do it. :( I guess hundreds of bouncy balls it is...


There there. It's okay if you're boring.


Nigger nigger chicken dinner /r/coontown!!!


"I know not with what weapons WWIII shall be fought with, but I know that WWIV shall be fought with sticks and stones."

- Albert Einstein


Alexis injury incoming.


You could say she got

(takes off sunglasses)

Doublestuffed.

Edit: fixed sunglasses state change


Dam u str8 babbygurl.


It's weird, they all just... dissapeared


Yea...ur thinking of the wrong thing :I


Knew a guy who was named Richard Power. Friends called him Dick...


I bet he's the kind that shakes the officers hand after receiving a ticket too


I love how completely insane that sounds.


A shit owner who doesnt give their dog a collar and loses them.


She went after a movie star, married him, had a kid with him, and now gets like [400K a year in alimony](http://hub.contactmusic.com/katie-holmes/news/katie-holmes-to-receive-huge-alimony-pay-off-after-papers-leak_1400493).

It was all a smart decision.


I hope they do because net neutrality affects everyone and the small yet angry group of [men's rights activists](http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-uncomfortable-truths-behind-mens-rights-movement/) usually grow out of it after puberty


I just want to know how this account name wasn't taken before now.


thats seems pretty gay unless you gay then thats fine,  i just dont see how that could be romantic


> $500 Monopoly bill

To be fair, this was in a hotel.


Well, I thought that OddBro is lowest score...

No offence.


A cow is never not cow sized.


Charlie Chaplin was a nazi sympathizer and I hope he rots in hell.


To establish dominance ?


Skyrim Skyrim in the Skyrim. Skyrim, HAHAH. I can Skyrim all Skyrim!


Especially everyone not living in the US.


So... you admit you take this website too seriously?


wat

edit: Wow, so much karma, so few letters. I shall cherish this karma forever.


you know i didnt really like vagina before and now i think there even more disgusting


Two soldiers are in a tank. One days to the other 'Bblublblublublblblplubblblublb'


I'm a self confessed jerk.

:)


I hate it when people--including my friends!--leave their trash in a movie theater. You are going to *have* to pass a garbage can on your way out.  Some minimum-wage-earning teen is going to be in here in two seconds, trying to clean up all this shit before the next showing.  Can't you show him/her an ounce of respect by picking up your garbage, which will take almost no effort?


Marriage is between a man and a woman. Period. End of discussion. Anything else is NOT a marriage. A man marrying another man, is the equivalent of my niece marrying the dog and hamster, it means nothing.


As someone who consistently gets her belt loops stuck on door handles, crushes her fingers in the doorjamb, scrapes the back of her heels as it closes, and has to persistently reattempt to close the door because I was thwarted by some phantom air-pressure equilibrium that refuses to allow the door to shut entirely, I salute you.


I used to be able to ride bikes indoors, but then I took an arrow in the knee!


Someone who studies psychology can explain it better than I can but basically their brains thought that they were actually consuming alcohol (especially if they've drank before) and gave them a fake feeling of intoxication. Personally I would notice if the beverage didn't have any alcohol, but I'm an Irishman.


Monogamy and abstinence FTW.


GO STEP ON A *FUCKIN'* **LEGO**, SIMON.


SssOOOOO FaanNNNyy!!! ImmmM LoOLlLlOOiNng Sooo Hard right now!!!! LOOLLLL!!

 #LOL


Flying bear, so I don't have to walk.


You're a joke. Like the kind that isn't funny and doesn't matter.

Is what I'd say if I were mad. I get the point of the post. I simply think this could also go well in the subreddit /r/thatHappened . So I posted it.


Did you then bring all the boys to the yard?


Sorry, my power/Internet has been down due to the recent ice storm. Currently using my phone to post what I already have uploaded.


A blue link won't undo a purple mind.


> jesus christ, you couldn't shine a flashlight through that bong

FTFY


you guys get the fuck away from me.


because there are lots of vegetarians who would push their philosophy onto meat eaters by banning the meat industry if they could. Farming animals for meat is cruel? sorry you feel that way, now leave me to my delicious steak.


That wasn't TSA. That was the fashion police.


Because there's no way in hell anyone would marry a fat woman!!

Fuck you.


How does Hitler tie his shoezies?

In little knotsies


i don't know what are you talking about so i downvote, that's my attitude and don't try to change it.


note to self

when attempting to court woman try to be "wobbly" and "shiny"


Seriously Reddit ? You gave this man 18 upvotes for saying "Thank you :3" ?

Read the goddamn reddetiquette ... It says that we should upvote whats contributes to the conversation or what's relevant to OP's subject.

This is why I downvoted him. Sometime I feel like i'm the only one good redditor here...


that sounds like a birthday present the Dursleys would give Harry Potter


Upvote for Dexter reference.


Mine would have been "bet you can't hit me with a quarter!"


Stop your hippie bullcrap. NPR is shit, and now it has a political agenda? NPR can suck my dick.


Well now I'm feeling much more motivated than I was this morning. Thanks Dr. Tyson.


If you consider this bitch a celebrity, then LOL

Your life is really fucking sad.


6"0 176 lb Chinese here; could we take turns?

edit: jk who am I kidding, taking turns is a foreign concept, hwark ptoo


HAHA GODS NOT REAL YOU STUPID IDIOT, DOWNVOTED FOR BEING A THEIST MONGREL.


Thank you and have a goodnight.


* Leftist photographer makes McCain look like Dracula: Reddit loves it.
* Righty cartoonist criticizes Obama: Reddit thinks that's beyond the pale and decries the lack of civility in our political discourse.

Hypocrite much?


A doctor to help sick kids


It's always such a drama because you guys are hurt in your national pride when people bring it up, but the fact of the matter is that Altidore looks like a better player now because he moved from a top league where he couldn't compete to a league that probably isn't even top 10 in the world right now. It's not even banter, it's simply reality.


that gaston guy is seriously a pro a that job. he handles it rather well.


I just love your 11 upvotes on this question. Mainly because I'd get twice as many downvotes if I made it

Just my luck..


well that's that. guess everyone can go home now..


it was. but i like the story and the first person i heard it from was actually a pretty renowned computer science professor (i didn't have the heart to tell him he was mistaken, it was his favourite example to use when teaching the concept of information), so i like to keep proliferating it.


Do you like getting caught in the rain?


Yeah but servers don't really lie tbh


I tested this theory when I was about 12. Went down to my favorite comic store, and bought an entire tub of double bubble. Swallowed probably 30-40 pieces in one day, a couple days later I shit a giant pink log. It was the weirdest thing.

EDIT: Which one of you is BRENT ROMEO!


Useless comment. Downvote.

edit: wow, you have to love the conformity by numbers. Does anybody actually believe I was oblivious of the similarity between our posts? Upvote offat9, yes. It was funny. But why me? I thought -47 comment-karma was reserved for rapists and child-murderers...


balls he rumble good


I logged in just to downvote you. I'm getting sick of these "I logged on  just to upvote you" comments...

Edit: I feel like it would be wrong to delete this comment now even though I regret it. I've offered my apologies to saintlawrence for what I said and I sincerely hope that it is accepted. it was a cruel thing to say about an issue that I don't really understand. It will not happen again.


KEEP CALM AND   _________


and rekkles and bjergsen im sure


I was living in a foster home. Once I became 18 they no longer had any obligation nor a provided income to keep me. It wasn't my first time though.


BETA AS FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DA NEEL ARMSTRONG IS DYED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAPPY CAWSE NOW I GET TO PWAY WIT ALL HIS TOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #BETA4LYFE


Doctor what is more serious a head injury or a foot injury?

A head injury.

Well you don't know all the details...


Oh really so a link to the actual news article disproves it? Yeah that makes total sense. Man all you people are just condescending pricks. All you guys believe is what you want.


Of course not, you need a bigger bag.


Which video did you watch?  They were all fighting the pack, she got sucked in and smokescreened away.  When a DH smokescreens they lose all aggro.


"Kids, I have some bad news.. It's about Lenny.."

"Not Lenny!!"


You shut your whore mouth!!

You're downvotes can't harm me!!

Is this the best you can do?? tut tut come on /r/soccer!!


Woman: "Hi."

Reditor: "I hope you have a vagina."


So why aren't the wages higher? Doesn't seem that hard to find somebody honest running a register and folding clothes if you get 19 cents above min. wage for multiple years of work.

> you've never worked retail

No. I went to college and got a real job. Who works at Wet Seal for 6 years?


Subtle, so very very subtle.


I don't think you understand how '>' works...


Seriously. It's called domestic abuse.


Nothing personal, but if you don't know what game this is then you don't belong here


Ohhhhh haha. What a question.  I don't know.  I lived through two world wars, so I thought our war against Vietnam was unnecessary.


Really? Are you serious?


My uncle in law was in the middle of some intense business negotiations that weren't going well, and he got up and said "I think we're done here," and walked out of the room.

Only he walked into the closet by mistake.

He stayed in for about 15 seconds before coming back out. Everyone laughed so hard they were able to sit down and work out a deal.


IT'S NOT YOUR THING, IT'S A BUTTON THAT EVERYONE HAS ON THEIR KEYBOARD. AND IT IS SIMPLY ANNOYING AND JUST SEEMS LIKE YOU WANT ATTENTION AND DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ORIGINAL TO CONTRIBUTE SO YOU FALL BACK ON AN ACT. BUT HAVE A NICE ONE!


I can't do it very well. But when I laugh people say it's like my dad.


Awwww, poor baby isn't payed a wage? Oh wait, you are! and just from the vitrol in this post I can tell you started being a cunt to them. Here's a tip, get a better job.

EDIT: Woot, most downvoted comment in my commenting history. Way to go guys.


**DO NOT TOUCH YOUR PHONE AND DRIVE!**


I blocked r/atheists for being gaylords...howd this make it to the frunt page?


I love how you follow up your genuine advice with suggestions for revenge. Nice.


>which are usually women

Citation needed


"Sorry buddy, I know you been working in the mines all day, but we don't serve your kind here."


Or just take it as the joke it is and laugh.

edit: Nothing says Men's Rights like downvoting a man because you disagree with him.


Why am I envisioning Brian and Jillian right now?


Hi just wanted to write you and tell you how much i look forward to your faggot son biting the bullet. I can only pray the Lord takes your stupid cunt ass as well :)


Kevin's dad put the condom on his foot.


I'm narrow minded like that, it's not my fault.


The job interview stuff mostly... you know what i mean?


You're the asshole here, he isn't.


Moms, dude. If you know a loving mother, whose kids are grown up, make friends.


This deserves all the upvotes


Why didn't the dad just answer the first time and tell you he wasn't there?


Sorry for trying to clarify the situation and give more info?


Now imagine the money he'd be making/saving if that extra time he spent doing that, he was actually building things.  Carpenter apprentice here, my boss is always careful to recycle, re-use, don't waste, but also says we have to know what the real cost is.  If I spent half an hour saving something worth $2, well, I've just spent $10 in wages to save that $2 thing, so it wasn't really worth it.


Is misspelling words an American joke? I mean, it's 2015, and every modern digital device with which you might be connecting to Reddit has spell checking enabled by default, so I have to assume that you did this intentionally.


1. Get to second post

2. Fuck this thread, I'm out


According to a Gallup poll, most American pet owners obtain their cats by adopting strays.


She got punched in the nose by a clown. Which is why she smelled so funny.


Mine was less than $100 and we made it four months. We're still together though, so that's kind of different.  It just happened to be four months ago...


>Charb is confirmed alive but hurt. Cabu confirmed dead. Murdered for his work, it's outrageous.

Nowhere near as outrageous as being murdered in a drone strike for living in the same neighbourhood as people targeted by drone strikes.

Go ahead. Rain down the downvotes


The sound of hips breaking when I thrusted was a big turnoff.


Well fuck you then. Downvote me i hope you get arrested.


oh you're definitely on some kind of list.


How about you let me worry about my life and you worry about your own business.


Good lord, this.

I'm from rural Minnesota.  I told some of my Korean friends about how we sometimes have wolves and bears go through our backyard.  Should have seen their faces.  I'm pretty sure they thought we were all lumberjacks/army officers.


I think this is different. Abortion is a very controversial debate, and shouldn't be joked about *especially* on a site like Reddit where people will take anything they read and run with it as if it is a fact.


That must have been an intense 5-minute thought process.


You always go full retard.


wow sory ur son is kil (sad mlg music plays)


Is it unbelievable? My first thought was "so what?"  I.mean, don't get me wrong that's an incredible goal record, but messi has been scoring at this rate for 5 years. At this point I expect this level of production from messi. I'm still impressed however.


I was afraid you were going to have sex with your cat.


Who the fuck drinks wine while redditing?  Wait, I know who.....liars.  Im certain you barely cracked a smile.


In high school, a yellow PT cruiser is a chariot of the gods compared to the bus.


Nope, doesn't exist. The CDC arc didn't happen, that's why it's never been mentioned, it's been retconned out. And no wiki is going to change that.

Seriously, trying to say "it's a virus" detracts from the horror of the zombie apocalypse. It just happens, there's no reason for it.


That doesn't count because it doesn't fit my preconceived notions.


NO UR MOM WILL IN ABUOT 3 YRS FAGIT AHAHAHHAHAH LOLZ


Doorman asks how much karma you have.


Not *for* pretending to be crazy, *by* pretending to be crazy.


>I work in IT.

username: WorkHardAtMyJob

one of these is a fib.


Thought my comment was funny.  Sorry dewd.


I was in a similar situation, and I tried to end myself. At the hospital in the mental health lockdown wing this lady told me something I will always remember.

"You didn't want to die, you wanted to be saved"

Chin up, today is a good day. Glad we're both here to share it


he definitelly shouldnt die. for me the most unexpected moment


I had an ex who was 2 inches taller than me and we would fake arguments in public all the time. My favorite is when she'd just burst out "It's yours, you know it's yours. I'm not going to get an abortion you're just going to have to be a daddy" and I'd respond with "Look lady, I don't even know who you are, we just met in the elevator"


Huh, I searched and didn't see anything.


1. Tell people to save the pandas

2: people throw money at pandas

3:. Use money to save not-panda species

4:: point out pandas still going extinct

5::.  People throw more money at wildlife preservation

Yeah, it's probably illegal, but it would work


I did, I said "I do not take requests".

There's a lot of words in that screenshot, I guess people didn't bother to read most of them.


if your job is DOING tattoos, it makes sense.  It's about the only job where having a face tattoo INCREASES your employability.


Zionists like you always clamor for more censorship.


"it won't happen again" OH OKAY COME ON OVER


Really? It's been like that since the first game. I bet you haven't even played the first one, fucking pleb.


One time I had sex with a hollowed out cucumber. It wasn't great.


Eh. It's been 15 years since I played a Duke Nukem game. I don't feel bad for not recognizing a "quote" that probably showed up in hundreds of things prior to Duke Nukem.


You're being redundant. ;)


let me guess, gaybox 360 fanboy? i'll live with the fact that hackers (probably hired by microsoft) have messed psn up for one month... but your gaybox controller and lack of bluray is something you have to live with forever. so leave sony alone, k? -_-


So, just the usual then?


no, just some kid that got brainwashed into thinking standing still means something profound


Hugged my family, ate a slice of pizza


The orange is reddit's orangered. Like from the envelope? Not sure why no one got that yet...


Inevitable break up would be worth it.


Atta boy! Now act like you are the coolest kid on the block and tell me how you are super tough and everyone fears you. I don't know what to say since I am struck by so much fear and jealousy in seeing the amazing things you have to say. What can I do but wish we could trade lives for one day and then I could be as cool as you are Fonzie.


This is the best answer possible.


Correct. Her tits were not covered by clothing. Nude.


On a logarithmic scale, a grain of sand is about halfway between an atom and the planet.


GOO GOO!!!!!!!! WONGOL WAWWET MOMMY!!! [#GOOGOO](http://www.reddit.com/r/PIBTBrand)!!!!


and i'll be elsewhere in the same graveyard with

"in the banana stand"


fair enough, but american food tastes like piss "ohhhh burrrn (dem ghetto kids are screaming) thattt was distruction" :P


It's a wacky thing that nerds would like - obviously I'd fund it with a Kickstarter project.


why? its a shitty show and hes a terrible actor. wtf is wrong with you guys? how can you suppot a teacher who makes meth? this is exaclty why you shoudl support scott walker and his teacher reforms. they can get away with whatever the fuck they want


When an RSVP involves nothing more than a mouse click, you can be pretty sure most people will say "sure, I'll come".


You are clearly an uneducated moron. I advise suing the school you went to, or go to college (a real one) if you never went.


It was "12 year olds having sex" "12 year olds fucking" other really awful combinations.  I didn't look at the results.  I did have to beat his ass for using bing though. (edit)*apparently I need to disable bing


Congrats on 8th, by the way.


Looks like [/r/whalebait](/r/whalebait) is safe.


OH I SEE YOU'RE JUST GONNA GET KARMA OFF YOUR BUMB BITCH FRIEND'S SELF-CENTEREDNESS WHAT A GREAT FRIEND

**EDIT** Holy crap reddit, my first -100 point comment! I've trolled /r/ronpaul since its inception and have so far only managed -37 you guys are great!


If I were sitting at the next table, I'd be pissed.


Those are still compliments and are fine in any location. Actual sexual harassment is sexual bullying. "fuck me for a raise." The sexual harassment as you describe it, is an attempt to neuter the male perspective of reality.
Curtis Duncan and Karen of Girlwriteswhat will help you learn what constitutes actual sexual harassment.


You'll see the secret message if you read the first letter of every line:

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW


No she isn't.  She is a reminder that some are pure cunts.


I'm glad this was top. It's fundamentally no different to feeling turned off by the sight of two people I find unattractive kissing. Doesn't matter if they're gay or straight, if I don't find it attractive I won't enjoy watching it.


MOMMY WHY ID DA YELLOW MAN ON MY WEDDITS????????? DON'T SHOW DA YELLOW MAN DA DAWGGIES CAWSE HE GONA EAT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


.... I ... I may have dabbled. But I can stop anytime I want!


GRERTS, U WERNT A MAHDERL? JERST KERDIN, I ERGRER, HERS CERT.


I once banged ertha kitt in an airplane bathroom


I never pretended to be classy.


I agree, OP sounds like an out-and-out transphobe. A real opacissy.


Because being attention-hungry tools and disrupting a show in progress is part of exercising free speech.

M'rca!


He left cause there's no more grass.


aef 33@Jjh3k sjadkfhj asd4 5r43r54Q@# FDSkjlds alj;io3j


"So yeah i was going to the dentist the other time and -" *sluuuuurrrp*


I also lift heavy things and have big muscles and pretend I hate the way I look in the mirror...omg...please, MFA,  help me find clothes that satisfy my ego to the point where I can successfully wank off to my own image.


That was a real dirtbag move...


>>>>>>>>>>>>implying that dogs are as malicious as you


You're just a lumberjack with poor vision.


Did this comment chain just support a 14 year old looking at porn?

Edit: Ouch. +7/-55. Appreciate it, guys. Telling a 14 year old how to secretly look at porn isn't wrong or anything.

I looked at porn when I was 14 but I didn't have grown men helping me and telling me to spread it around.


Look at the top reddit post. "Test post - please ignore"