Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.


In Afghanistan it is illegal to play anything composed by Chopin on a banjo


Nah no joke answer. I came in here looking for interesting real answers and thanks for posting one.

I don't mind joke answers but god this thread is filled with ones that aren't remotely funny.


i used to be adorable, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


http://i.imgur.com/JMWr1CN.jpg

(NSFW)


Except when you all raid threads, like the one you're raiding right at this moment.

No, you all aren't a hate group! My comment just happened to gain 70 downvotes in an hour *on its own*.


This is the most accurate-to-the-movies response I've seen yet. Yes, this is precisely what would happen.


Wuuuuuuuut? How can you hate that fly ass Fluttershy alter? It's friggin adorable.

Damn I love all this hate it just proves that people can't have an opinion.

Still going on? That's kinda of pathetic.

Day 2 people are still hating.

Day 3 people are still hating but softer this time.


Forget that. I only care about people in elevators.


Like, oh my god! That's like, so funny. Like, ya know.


I bet he spends all his money on pawn shop jewelry.


Do you want to see a video of me, fapping over your mum picture?


26 years later I learn they're not saying cotton candy soldier. 😕


You forgot to log out and log back in under your other accounts.


I will enroll in any class that contains 'shit' in the name...


youre obviously correct. the fact that i ingest marijuana has some kind of esoteric impact on the division of dependent and independent variables and their connections in scientific experimentation and observation. you are a fucking moron and i hope you die. or at a minimum dont vote. fuck off, you worthless piece of shit.


This is the one that should be at the top.  Bayer killed many thousands of people, knowing full well what they were doing... just so they could make a profit on product they would have had to dump otherwise.

Edit: Good to see it made its way up.  Everyone should know about this.


I'm a guy. Its not the same. Please don't try to make it seem like it is either. I can't stomach PC bullshit at the moment.


Hey, thanks! It really was a fun project.

*Edit*: Wow! I am feeling really good about my job right now. Thank you all for the support! **Feel free to PM me as well and I will answer all your questions in time.**

*Edit*: Although I handle real gold every day I have never received some from reddit! Thank you friends!


reposting*

^^^downvotes ^^^pls


because i was arrested in france and they wouldnt let me drive anymore. :( le poop.


ya that shit isnt funny anymore, especially once a lazy fuckwad like you just copy pastas what he said.

i wish you die. i really, really do, you fucking waste of space. i can't believe you breathe the same air as i do.


He was dissappointed because you looked in his stuff.


Wrong, the Dragonball eyes are actually Vegeta's eyes. But if you only know that few, you must know almost nothing in itself about Anime, Manga and Light Novels.


I don't remember when I stopped doing it, but whenever I finished pooping as a little kid I would literally yell "MOMMY I NEED YOU", stand up, face the toilet, and bend over for my mom to come in and wipe my ass. The phrase has now become an inside joke in the family.


Has she tried, I dunno, EATING MORE?


I don't even like it. It's messy and pointless for me. To each their own.


I guess she failed when you agreed to fuck her, right?


He is ready for politics.


Do you REALLY do this for a living? I'm SO sorry that I've never seen this image before and decided that /r/WTF would like to see it. Please don't cut off my balls and tell me I can never Reddit again.


There's like a stockpile of Saudi Prince brothers. It's all good.


Why did you parrot what Higgus said? So you could brag about being a med student? You're going to be one of those GP's he alluded to, I just know it.


George Bush doesn't care about black poodles.


Came here to say this 😳


Fuck, that's deep.

Edit: Shit, I just wasted one.


definitely! upvotes to you and op!


Best answer. I read somewhere that it's insanely expensive and very important for medical research.

Edit: $15,000 a quart.


I made all the stuff I post


My justice boner just exploded in my pants.


Get out of the house a little more frequently.


This is fucking phenomenal, the grammar, the insecurities, the self doubt, it's all here folks.


atheists brought you pornhub, friend.


Tim Burton presents Johnny Depp: Stripes and Curly Things.


whats ur fuckin problem nerd callin me a troll?


>Which takes surgery to fix and hurts like a birch.

Can confirm, am lumberjack. Birch is fall, man is kill.


just say ff9 and shut the fuck up, jesus


Hey grandma! Wanna hear a joke niggawolf told me?


tbh, i dont think thats a good idea :/ zach is probably busy with scrubs to do somethin like this. we shouldn expect him to do sommething like this. dont hate. just sayin. i hate when people think they have a right to meet celebs just coz theyr dying

**edit downvote all u want u know im right**


Divine inch-tervention.


Ahhhhh, Stealing from the poor are we? Are you a nigger? I assume so.


I wise man once said, "Give a man a picture and he can fap for a day. Give him a name, and he'll fap for a weekend."

EDIT: Jesus, I walk away for an hour and come back to my first double gilded comment about jerking off. To those two kind strangers, I want you to know that I will think of you while I masturbate this weekend. Thank you.


Not funny. Maybe once. Here, have 21 downvotes.


mmm room temperature melted cheese


mom gets "brazzers" tattoo


Are you a politician now? Because you should be.


she said it was the best she ever ate :)


God my younger sister put this idea in my mum's head.


it's called "being ripped" which is what most of you are not &#3232;\_&#3232; because you can get your ass off your chair and GO OUTSIDE... dumb cunt -_-

**edit : downvoters are certainly fat for downvoting. prove me you are not and UPVOTE ME !!!!!!**


Hair brush...  Darn!

Tooth pick...  Crap!

Eyelash curler...   Doh!

Tongue depressor...  Snap!

Shin guard...  No!


I'm not fat, just big-boned.


Don't tell people that.   I used to tell everyone on yahoo answers that as a joke.   I must have told 200 people various reasons to do that.

One day,  years later when we were both in our early 30s my friend said "I wonder how many people you actually killed"

And then I felt like shit because I realized the number may not be 0.


I came here to say this...
An hour too late to get my first gold, I guess.


I know 4th grade was a long time ago, but BOOBEIS isn't a word.


Absolutely. Man made climate change is like a new religion, no evidece for it, massive persecution if you don't accept it wholly.


Done: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0PAgrm8nqg


don't kid yourself tard the faggot isn't paying off his friend's loan. all aboard the karma train choo choo


So that's where they all went!

edit: Who needs copper when you got gold! Thanks!


Bolt has accomplished more than you ever will you useless racist fuck.

EDIT: Spend too much time on 4chan, expected racism. lol . . .


"Ugh, we go to all this trouble and no one even asks. I told you we should have just covered everything in tasteful nudes!"


And maybe for generalizing about a whole continent because you've been there. And for whining about downvotes.


Two Wongs make a white?


Second screenshot from mine: http://i.imgur.com/lYvje.png


I once saw a, err, certain type of film where the girl was playing a video game as part of the "plot". She was actually playing it too. I never expected that attention to detail in that certain type of film

Edit: thanks guys, my top comment is about porn now


I don't. You guys are gonna pay for my funeral too, right? Or maybe those of the thousands of others who won't be able to afford it? Right? No? Okay then.


I was at a supermarket and when I got out of my car a guy in his 50's zoomed past me as he was standing on his cart, riding it down to his car.  I thought "That'll be me in 30 years."  This and your comment make me feel confident that I'll never have to be boring when I get old.


>Americunts

FTFY ;)

It's nice to see that I'm starting to be recognized around here for non-MLP reasons


don't correct the President, neckbeard.


MY DADDY SAYD DAT DA NIGGARS ARE DA LAZY MONKEE MONSTAS!!!!!!!!!!! DEY LIKE TO PWAY DA POKEMON N SMOKE MARIJAWANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Don't tell me what to do! Donated."


Yeah, it was a *bit too close to home* :\

Sorry.


Apparently I haven't been at it long enough to stop caring.


Not exactly, sponsors aren't entitled to any exclusive content.


Big deal.  I sleep naked with my wife all the time and don't get laid.

Edit:  First gold...thanks kind internet stranger!  Now it's time to find out if my Redditing wife can be turned on by gold.  Wish me luck, boys...I'm going in! (hopefully)


I don't find it anymore... This gif is quite old already... Sorry


The Galaxy Nexus (a phone) was the guinea pig (aka experimental testbed) for the Android OS update codenamed "ice cream sandwich".


I could if you weren't bothering me with your stupidity.


> fisting old people


He only has 674 karma. That's easy to build back up, take this post for example! (awaits upvotes)


This is an unfortunate side effect of the zero-tolerance rules in schools today. The school officials just punish kids without checking their personal situation. This unfortunately catches some good kids and throws them in with the genuine trouble makers.


Oh no I just didn't like the meme...


> -beers cost $7 because you're paying for the environment, not the alcohol

Haha...it also costs that in the DC region...even if there are no strippers.


(NR) = Not Retarded

(1) = #1 in retardation (most retarded)

xD

Edit: So I guess we have an answer to the question "Can a reddit comment be *too excellent*?" The answer is yes.


Don't buy groceries when you're hungry.


I'm just going to say it because I know everyone is thinking it: the weed helped him win (the munchies after moreover).


You mean the towel that stands in the corner?


Yes. Thanks for killing people.


That's my problem! I haven't been using the underbite technique!


Shut the fuck up dude.


She took her hair out of the ponytail. OMGOODNESS she is so hot now.


Smh... Ever since crackas came shit went down for real


No one was ready for gangnam style


I used to shout at Christians over facebook, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Really works though. You sneak up behind her and scare the fuck out of her.


I was my attempt at humor. Smoke more...it'll come to you.


The mom would taste them to detect  semen.


TIL that black students who don't get straight As and preach the word of God have no rights.


Thank you, come again.


HAHA, what are you fucking liberal morons going to do now. CHECKMATE assholes.


Your coach's response is awesome.


That takes way longer than take pic-upload


I have Florida plates and I couldn't even read your comment.


lol, i'm not an expert, but he looks retarded, and she looks like she's depressed. their deaths is simply evolution. I'd say don't worry about it too much.


Dad of triplets - Yeah. What you said.


If it's so transparent, why were the reasons for the firing not given in the article? And why exactly is booting these three people good for him or Alaska?


Before that, every time you wanted a sandwich you would have to eat a whole loaf of bread.


You did win at the end, I don't understand why you'd try to damage their reputation? Think about how many people Dell employs in India and across the globe?

Edit: I am talking about real jobs, guys. People's lives are depending on it. How am I being racist?? Do we have no respect for reddiquette anymore?


I think this is the saddest one. I will probably be thinking about this for the rest of the day. Fuck you and your sad stories about dogs.


Keep replying to me for free upboats.


I dislike "ironic" comments that comment the exact thing OP hates.


Let's be fair now, she didn't know.


worst superpower ever


Why would you humiliate someone because of their different views? That seems childish and immature.

Instead, try to be an adult and talk it out. If the person is unreasonable, then ignore them.

If they are specifically causing harm (Which free speech is not) then take action via law enforcement.


I'd imagine they split the rent with the 100 laughing strangers who always seem to be off camera


don't forget r/beatingwomen and r/mensrights


Some day he's still cleamimg dishes to this day.

Edit: whoops. lol

And thanks for that delicious gold!


It really does sound like the best possible currency concieved yet, thank you!


Or at the very least whipe the seat if you do piss on it!


I'm a pro-choice Republican and you're an idiot.


Push me
and then just touch me
til I can get my
satisfaction


pwned.

*Yeah jump on the downvote bandwagon you stupid fucks. I hate all of you.

*Keep em comin boys, like I give a shit.

*The more downvotes I get, the more attention I receive, so what's the point really?


I used to have two kidneys, but I grew up now I just have two adultneys. =(

Edit: I submitted this thinking it was clever, now I am looking at it thinking how stupid it is. Instead of deleting it out of shame, i'm going to leave it up and see what happens.


What is the difference between telling someone to ask her a question and asking people to disclose private conversations they had with her in the past?


"Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"


you non Muslims need to keep your hateful intents out of gaming, this is not the fault of Muslims but rather IW.

Why would some idiot dev put this in, offending 1/4th of the world?


One spoke his dream and I guess the other wrote it.


sense of stupidity : ATHEISTS.

**EDIT : WTF, WHY DOWNVOTES STUPID INTOLERANT BASTARDS ?&???**


**I DON'T WANT TO FOLLOW RULES SET BY THE CREATORS OF A COMMUNITY OH WOAH IS ME IM BEING OPPRESSED!**


Did she answer it or just keep sucking?


Why don't you have more upvotes? Here, have mine.


"I manage"

Whiteness confirmed.

Edit: Thanks to *The Man* who gave me gold.


I upvoted you for your honesty.


Teenagers.

Teenagers.

Men in their mid twenties.


Buddy, you were the one one who suggested the sex.

My only input was the dress code.


Least he could do after getting you pregnant.


wtf is wrong with those damn people. spoiled pieces of shits that are probably queer themselves

edit: wow, 6 hours later and i am in downvote hell. I was talking about the WBC, wow. I am also a US veteran, I hate the WBC with a fucking passion. easy reddit, jeebus!


You might want to walk a lap around the block before you go in the corner store to buy some juice and snacks because they are going to 100% know you are high.


Fuck all you niggers upvoting him, upvote ME, because i need KARMA


Once we have to explain the light spectrum to a bird we know we've gone to far.


You know...for science.

Edit: TIL r/fitness doesn't like jokes. Very serious business up in here.


Sounds like Fontana has a bunch of assholes in their legal system.


Yeah, I also saw that picture on the front page a few days ago.


I sincerely hope your bosses car breaks down one day and he's forced to shit in the woods. With a badger watching him. Judging him.

EDIT: Gold for the judgey badger eh? I'm humbled!


The cat doesn't seem to be enjoying it look at his face and cats don't hiss and growl to be "cute".
They need to take your cats away from you, you are unfit to raise them.


It's like he has a choice: Call the dude out for being a creep with a camera and the video goes viral, potentially making him look like an arrogant celebrity. Or just continue being himself and the video goes viral - setting a good example for others to follow.


Suck a dick! Oh wait, I bet u just did ;)


I don't understand this sentence at all


> There are times when I wish I could simply be a woman so I don't have to put up with all the crap that men do.

How could you possibly think that it was a good idea to post this?


If you watch any of the bloopers of Scrubs there is one scene where they pass the ball to Turk and he hits a jumper and Elliot freaks out saying how cool that was and the scene continues throughout the hospital all in one shot. They had to do that scene multiple times because Turk kept missing the shot at the beginning.

edit: [Found the video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jr7IdHJQfJc)


10 years later neither had I.  I go outside on NYE


No shit man. There's a guy w/ a "cum box" on here .....


Incorrect. His mom sounds like a complete bitch.  Let the kid do what he wants.


Wales: where the men are men, and the sheep are scared.


You would think, after people abandon religion, they would become rational thinkers and understand that African-Americans are dumber than whites. I guess not though. I'm an atheist, and I don't follow your mainstream atheist doctrine of endorsing sodomy and communist equality between races. Grow up, atheism, you're giving non-religion a bad name.


That's just what the devil would say!


What is it like being an abomination?


Bostonian here, had tea, in harbor now. Try coffee.


Not only did you go as far as imaging fucking this disgusting bitch of a boss, you also suggested *going down on her*.  You must be such a fucking virgin, bro, holy shit.  I'm kind of embarrassed for you.  Does everyone replying *actually* think sausage wallet is in any way funny?  My mind is blown right now


It's a sign of large hips, which facilitate childbirth, thus allowing more children to be born. It's an evolutionary thing.

Edit: Wow, thanks! This is my first Gold, the thread is blowing up, and my ~~imaginary internet points~~ karma has doubled. Nice job, everyone!


I was on 2 different teams and out of the 20 or so guys that were on the teams, 2 were gay.  Pull your head out of your ass you ignorant douchebag.

I just happened to be a good tumbler and was short and strong which made tossing girls up and holding them easier for me.


Gives you a different perspective about the show, being that it was a children's show that focused on the importance of possessing strong character and moral fiber.


Your username suggests otherwise..


Well, it is *construction* paper.


LoollL NOOO1!!! Ur SuPOsE to CaLl ThE pReSidEnt!!! hE wiL HeLp! dA cOngrEsS Man Is cOrUPT!!!


Alright, thread over. Chewbacca commented. Pack it up guys.


This comment has been reported to me as spam and i can now confirm it is spam. The comment consists of racism and bizarre homo attitude. Neither of which is tolerated on this site. It will be downvoted and other users are suggested to do the same to it.

Did i get it right? Was my post of help to you?

Please upvote me so i am able to continue to monitor this great site and keep spam away.


That is some genius level scumbag shit there.


Eh, the KKK is pretty relaxed these days. They seem more like a racially exclusive club now. What he's saying is "Hey, I'm going to go hang out with White people," not "Hey, I'm going to go help lynch black people."

Edit: Oh shit, what have I done!?


Dat triple negative.

Edit: Thanks for gold, you magnificent stranger!


Okay. You just lost me. You should have kept it at the last post. It was strong then. It was actually festering in me. Now, I no longer give a fuck. You reduced it to some cheap gimmick. I'm going to bed.


Nothing beats the ol' flip-the-monitor-display-sideways one that kids would do in the computer lab.


You are parading her stories about WWII from the German perspective.  Millions of people died in that war because of Hitler and his country... you have to expect hard questions.


My grandma had cut ties with her long before this. My grandmother was a saint. She took me in for my remaining high school years and taught me a lot about life. She died 2 years ago. I cried like a baby. I was pleased to find out that she cut my mother out of her will and left me her portion. It wasn't much, but it was something.


it's clearly because I deleted it, because you know... i am a reddit mod


So that salty people can feel better


Actually, I don't care.


"Ok, you need to 'unplug the router you fucking mongoloid' sir"

Obvious edit: Gold cherry has been popped! Thanks, anon.


No tip.
Ah, who am I kidding, I never tip.


Many Jimmies will surely be Russelled.


a rational officer would

speak, move over, stop him from entering, remove his car keys, explain the situation

I mean those are all rational thoughts, but what happened with the cop? Why didn't he do any of those? Could he have been in the wrong???? I mean why wouldn't the cop explain himself, every other cop i've met does.


No wonder she got a bullet to her head. Extremist ideas can never survive a rainfall discussion. They can only exist by suppressing dissent. That's what all this shit is about.

Edit: damn extremists! Can't even talk about the weather these days without them shooting people! But maybe I should proofread my posts more carefully.


Well, to be fair I'm not trying to apologize. I thought this would be the best title, and I decided to make a joke in the comments. Because the picture wasn't original, the hivekind starts downvoting completely unrelated posts; in my opinion, that's just sad.

So no, I didn't save 29 cents, but at least I've given two of mine now.


Tahiti, it's a magical place.


"George Bush doesn't care about Black people."

Edit for the reference: [Kanye West during a Hurricane Katrina fundraiser](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pVTrnxCZaQ#t=89)

Edit 2: [anddddd I'm literally Harden.](http://i.imgur.com/mToMWpV.gif)


The only thing worse than showing it is not showing it. Fuck off most western media outlets.


You get the community you deserve. Reddit is based on users vetting posts. Nobody does that in /r/gaming. So you get what you have now.


Follow a psychopath around who sometimes stops time and eats fifty wheels of cheese in a hundredth of a second before shouting a pensioner off the peak of the tallest mountain on the continent, while a farmer boxes a dragon into submission in the background. Oh, and you're carrying two hundred pounds worth of dull iron daggers and you have to run everywhere.


Destiny makes the money because there is a legion of teenagers who will advertise any sort of garbage he produces.


Now I gotta watch Wolf of Wallstreet again.


hahahahahahahahahahaha


    very bitch
                        such unhappy
           much cunt
                         wow


You really thought they had marked ramps for wheelchairs during the Spanish inquisitions?
Source : once again,  the us education system has failed.


I will send you 5 US dollars via Paypal immediately if you produce me a video of you shitting your pants.

I'm deadly serious.


"I degrade myself to the extreme and disappoint my parents who failed to give me any guidance"

EDIT: damn I can't believe my highest rated comment is about porn lol


Same!

High Five!

I did go to an all boys boarding school though...


It's been dealt with let's move on.


Dude was trying to order a pizza, Domino's wasn't taking any shit that day.


Saving Private Ryan, Godfather Part I and II, Titanic, Star Wars, Good Will Hunting, Avatar, The Dark Knight, Schindler's List, The Good, the Bad and Ugly.....argument valid.


Not to be confused with an Amazon prime member


Yeah the guy named flap jack storm is the last person to be buff. And besides if that indeed did work for u somefuckinghow, you would just use a back scrubber with a handle. Cuz the circumference of a stick point would take eternitys for a body builder.


Maybe the fertility problem you're having with your wife is because you wear a condom at all times? I think I read somewhere that condoms can reduce the probability of pregnancy.


Hey remember that kid who repeatedly sodomized the family dog with a hairbrush?


> It took me about 15 minutes to do though

Son, that's just playin' with your ass.


Yeap. Doesn't make her a scumbag. Its fuked up but nothings says she has to.


Hopefully in less than 50 years


Then tell me, what makes me so different from your "wonderful wife?"

What makes me different?


My favorite thing about geese is that they insist upon travelling in packs, even though by all accounts they cannot fucking stand each other. Twenty-five geese swimming around in a lake squawking and pecking at each other's necks is one of the dumbest things I've ever witnessed in the animal kingdom.


Even more not necessary was you saying that it wasn't necessary and then me telling you that. SMH


Wooow, if there was a fire drill at my work that I knew wasn't scheduled I would assume it was a real fire and get the kids out. That's crazy!


wHaT a TwIsT, mY gOoD mAn.


This must be the same place with the condoms behind the register.


I was wrong indeed. Sorry.
And thank you for the downvotes faggs


No I can't.  Frankly I'm not even sure I how I would go about trying.


Please explain, what would  crosses or religion have anything to do with how he looks?


Finally, a serious answer.


Well, I for one think it's nice that pedophiles can get some relief without CP or having to victimize someone.


He always brings his eleven foot pole.


Comments like this.

That is why you will forever be wrong.


Does that even matter? She wanted to, she made plans to and damn near did it. That would be enough for me to end it.


I used to think that thumbnails are better then the full size, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Growing up my mom used to tell me of a homeless guy she knew of that would go into the local McDonalds and get a free cup of hot water. Then proceeded to add ketchup, salt and pepper to make himself a hobo tomato soup.

Edit: apparently a lot of people know about hobo tomato soup. Thanks for all the responses, you've given me something to do at work today.


AGAHAHAJAHAVDKABAGABBAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! yeah real funny! Fuck you! And fuck your three character username!


Bruce: "You...you knew this. Lucius. You knew I was Batman."
Lucius: "HOLY SHIT! YOU'RE BRUCE WAYNE!"


We all agree, but only you needed to throw in the NSFW language...

Seems foolish no offence.

Edit: wow your maturity is really showing. Is this /r/teenagers?

Edit: seriously this is rediculous. I stand by my opinions so no, I won't delete this comment. I want it to stand as testament to how childish all of you are. Seriously fighting for freedom of speech here by being babies. Way to be.


looking for buttsex, apparently


hahaha oh man how do you stay so current with cliche jokes from 1997?


Step 1: buy wood
Step 2: buy chisel
Step 3: carve away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.

Edit: Well this escalated quickly. Thanks for the upvotes. It made my night.


I agree. It only takes SEVEN HAND-PICKED PICTURES to let me know that this guy was definitely not a pedophile or a jerk, but totally awesome.

I mean, if seven pictures can't tell you everything there is to know about a person, then what can? Eight? Don't be fucking retarded.


You shut your whore mouth


No, no it doesn't lol.


Just to be clear, we can sign up, get the vintage skittles, then quit immediately right? You know, playing you all for chumps?

That's correct, soldier. Unless, of course, war were declared.

*whoop whoop whoop*

What's that noise?

...War were declared.


edit: This is me starting my karma suicide.


Settle down, Casanova.


I believe they're snowflakes, dipshit.


theres not human urine & feces all over the ground in our world

Edit: Fuck your gold i want drugs, my bitcoin address is 1MySL9zbsVnLjbphSV7T4mCTGeXunFXAw


Typical mangry dickhead - all misogyny and no sense. Not all the slurs in the world will change the fact that *it's shallow and disgusting to rate women by boob size*, arseface. I know logic is kinda hard when you have a penis but try.


Your racism is noted. It's people like you that cause division based on colour. Your comment offends me and should be taken down.


I may get downvoted for this, but can I ask why this is the top comment? It has no relevance to the post. Maybe I'm missing something. Inb4 *Whoosh* etc

Meanwhile, as a **Reddit Gold User** I am downvoting this comment as it is far beneath the standards I expect :-)


What if I can promise that you will never have sex for the first time ever again!


as far as wives go thats pretty decent!


Someone seriously called the sheriff on you guys because some teenager had his moment of nudist bravado while taking a leak? "Run, run, he has a penis!" -"Put your hands behind your back! No, cover yourself! With your hands behind your back!"

Props though for you getaway, that's some Snake Plissken shit.


And that cute cat chewing on the wires. Sadly that's how my cat Purrty died when I was working. Came back to see him dead stuck to a live wire he had chewed through. Sometimes I cry when I imgine his final seconds alone.


Only one way to be sure and it's going to involve getting her good and wet.


Yes. They all come out bald. How do people not know this shit? It's basic fucking anatomy and physiology.


Yup. Just like my father, and his father before him.

Edit: We're a close family guys, get over it!

Super Edit: dis me coment with most enternet points.


Uhg no no planking
Edit: hey I just noticed its my cake day


WHAT. I always thought there was a dude called Ray Ban that created the brand and named it after himself. Like "Ray Ban's sunglasses" that eventually just got shortened to "Ray-bans"


First I laughed at your comment. Then I laughed at your username. Upvote.


This is exactly what I was thinking. I would barricade all doors and windows and hope to be able to keep my kids safe for the next 24 hours. I would also cancel all my credit cards and ask the bank not to allow any transactions from my accounts for the next 24 hours.


I'm pretty sure, "it's all good, though. No harm done." is an apology..


did not expect cyborg parents


Van Gaal won't care, because he knows he is right, Welbeck knows too. All the supporters will care though.

Edit: 4 goals in 17 games. It wasn't exactly a Pogba-esque decision.


“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.” - Rorschach, The Watchmen.


No guy ever got punched and didn't fall down?  Riight.


golfwang_ Confidence McRapesalot


I agreed with everything she said. Hopefully, she can inspire females and males alike to make a stand against the oppression.


You took faking sick to a whole new level


>/4/gifs seems infested with young teenagers for some reason

>I have touched plenty of boobs

Thanks for proving my point.


And for christ's sake, stop eating her cookies.


Logged in just to up-vote this.


There's a great documentary on this. I believe it's called the Rugrats.


None of that shit was funny. This stops here, faggots.


Don't worry, the French hate Parisians even more


Or, you know, regulators evaluated the deal on its merits and didn't see a compelling reason to block it.


So $400 might get a 1/4-20 screw and maybe a washer.


Mom died of breast cancer two years ago. So you are correct.


get yourself to the hospital. Vomit that looks like coffee grounds is a sign of internal bleeding. GO NOW!!


Reminds me of [this](http://images.wikia.com/metalocalypse/images/0/03/Dick_Knubbler.png)


Looks like you will be living in your new Jaguar now back to work!


I mean, come on, I'm sure you didn't mean it like that, but your comment sounds an awful lot like "She probably wanted it deep down".


*TWIST*
They were **your** wife and daughter the whole time.

Directed by M Night Shamamalamadingdong


I hope this comment is in the triple digits within the next hour.


Rise up, Luigis of the world!


For him, but what about the american that just lost a job to this guy who scammed the system. I weep for what has become of my country.


I love confident women with nice butts. Your wife sounds exactly like my type /u/anormalgeek! Any chance she's single?


LOL that coon's fat pussy lips are so wet for my dirty gonorrhea cock rite now. I'm gonna grab your fucking pig-tails and screw your dirty asshole you mother fucker. I'm 40 years old yet I still like good old fashioned 18 year old pussy. [fuck](http://imgur.com/2msGu)


Its got a friggin' laser on its head, that can VAPORIZE rocks!

-EMB


I need so much attention bc I show a few inches of leg. It's ok I knew it was a matter of time before a fat girl would hate on it, took about an hour.


Lets tell her we are from the future and we need to warn her of the upcoming Danish shortage.


Who says dweeb anymore? Lol

Edit: not circle jerk fans I see


My arguments will speak for themselves


If you think that's how it should be handled then you're a piece of human shit. Less people like you need exist.


Also lost his balance


yeah he defended himself . . . then kept going . . . I guess he needed to "disable the threat".

Equal rights mean "destroy" women.  Pretty weird how people applaud this type of response.


AKA The "Why is my perfect kid on the bench?" haircut


Thanks bro, I love you too.


She just looks at you and goes, "You didn't show your work so this is wrong anyways."


Saying you're 12 on reddit is the equivalent of announcing you go on 9gag which is the same to shouting you have a bomb in an airport.


The thing I find most offensive is her mock disgust. Her introduction of 2 Chains is full of disingenuous contempt. She doesn't believe what she's saying, she knows her audience - racist xenophobic housewives in denial.

I'll bet good money she drinks everyday, is on a variety of medications, and likes to take it in the ass.


what?  i couldnt hear that over how well my shitty comic is doing.
also, this too proved my point.


I choose the thimble because no matter where I roam, you can't prick my motherfuckin' thumb with your bitch-ass Scottie Dog. Can I cuss on here?


The rules are decided upon as a group. Enforcing those rules are up to the individual.


larger houses are meant for entertaining. guests tend to piss and shit more than they sleep at a party.


This is temporary until the invaders leave, i should have clarified this.


Kinda raises confidence to learn for the future I'd say. Unless you're like the guy with 0 admirers.


> if Laurelai gets control of the /r/cakes subreddit. It would mean a total breakdown of reddit

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

No really i laughed IRL.

AHAHAHAHAHA

You finally went off the deep end cole1114.


As a broke college student I used to line my purse with a gallon size ziploc bag and fill it up at buffets or all you can eat shrimp at Red Lobster. It was awesome until I came across a old dried up fried shrimp in my purse 2 months later.


That's such a hetero male centric view of the world.


yeah, but this is publicly shaming a kid. by a group of adult this child is supposed to trust. how could any principal think this wouldn't be destructive to this child? i could see doing this for high school students who are more in control of themselves, but an elementary school? this is basically bullying, and that should have absolutely no tolerance.


Are you five years old? Get off your dad's computer.


I totally misinterpreted that story until I saw this comment...


OP is young. 28 is old enough for a MILF.


Now you sound like my girlfriend.


Reminds me of a nightmare I had lol....it was that reddit was overrun by crap top comints that highlighted the obvious....o wait....(stares at you)

Here, take this downvote as a token of my ingratitude ;)


What if God sent condoms to stop the spread of STIs and to reduce the chance of unwanted pregnancy?


Yay KoS!

All I could see was his foot....

He was aiming at me....


It's hard to internalize how few fucks other people tend to give.


I was going to downvote for insulting the woodcock. But ur shot at Johnson made my day.

Edit. Bills fans. It all makes sense now.


Because the bathroom is where we rap-battle. You have to be admitted to the super-secret club to join your first bathroom rap battle though. The day will come when you will be sent on a quest to prove your worth to train with the great rhyming dictionary. Until then you must wait.


Diamond 5 in 5s. Just don't want the stats mixed.

Edit: How much negative karma can this get? You guys aren't trying hard enough!

Only -45?? You can do better reddit!


Actually his favorite letter is P. Without it he's irate.


Yes a man who cheated on his wife in the Oval office is invaluable to the liberal agenda. LOL nice integrity liberals.


I feel bad for how confused they'll be. It says back 2 back, but the broncos won last year


My le God.... they're all.... le dead....


Where I live, woman have that look


nope, sorry, it just makes him a guy with a mangled penis.


sounds like a grand slam breakfast!


Yes and the ottawa fan comes through with the best comment. Sens army bitches


Have you ever been to Disneyland? *Every* day is gay day.


And you're a worthless pirate and the partial cause of this mess.


And the older moths all sitting around saying "Cunts don't even know they're fucking *born*. In my day we had fucking *candles*. Twats."


>I just can't help but feel like your "point" would have been more profound had you lied about something other than cancer,

Yeah, in hindsight I probably should have gone with diabeetus or a broken arm.


"You know what I really like about you, Bob? It's your ability to see a sign, read what the sign says, and then vocalize those words. It's always great to have you in the car, Bob."


Came to the thread, saw the City crest and thought "Oh man, here we go...", then read it, and was positively surprised. Thank you, kind Mr., for the - oh, so rarely seen nowadays - rationality.


A relative of my wife's would routinely show up to family parties with a few bags of extras. He would press shampoo and shaving cream into my hand like a crime boss might hand off cash to struggling factory workers living in their neighborhood. "Here you go, daverod74... no no, I have plenty more. That there's for you."


Well this is my little pet project, so I care about getting the word out that the people in /r/gaming are morons, yes. You seem to think I care about the internet points I've won. I don't. Get a mod or admin to wipe them to zero or -99999, I don't care. The point is showing you all how stupid you are.


No, you're just bad at catching me.  See you soon.


Wow what a great joke!!!

/s


Your friend fucks your wife...


Let me remind you that as good as 99% of all rape is done against a woman by a man. It's not really that outrageous to be scared of creeps messaging you. I hope it's not something that's so common to you because you *are* that creep.


I use a braille computer.

Edit: How do you expect me to make a snoovatar when I have no idea what I'm making?! ^Thanks ^for ^the ^gold ^:P


Not really. You don't know the motivation behind wanting to find this person.


They call him Johnny "The Position Has Been Filled" Schmidt.


It almost did. She was second guessing real hard. There was no response for at least half an hour


And never answers her phone, despite it being right next to her.


You've also got 4 marked around a 3 @ >33,v25


They are using the apple maps on the iPhones you sell them.


> As we have forgotten that

rofl get out of here you neckbeard


I hope he was a geology prof and did it just to fuck with future grad students working on their theses.

Edit: grammar.. I like rocks not English :/


20,m,India. What about you?


"Is that the samurai people or the cat eaters? I forget"


Not offended, joke just sucked.


> Too many cocks

spoil the brothel.


I'm not trying to gain karma or whatever. Downvote this all you want. I just want to get the point across that Bale is only ONE person, a well-known actor mind you, but only a human being like the rest of us. Stop putting him on a pedestal.


Obama can't "wave a magic wand" any more than Bush could.


Exactly what I came here to post. Tricky bastard.


I used to breakdance back in high school. I had no girlfriend, so I would spent hours in my room dancing by myself. The robot was the BEST because it was like an illusion. An you didn't need a partner. Lonely nights make the best robots.


It's because it's a women's team so they all know that it's just for fun, the points don't matter, and nobody is watching anyway.. Kind of like whose line is it anyway *now*

Edit: I get it... Famously skilled *male* soccer player who's name makes me think of rhino. You'd think though with all that money I'm sure he's making he would, ya know, fix those teeth or something


**Terry Crews** in *Forever Alone: A Success Story*


You shouldn't talk that way about other peoples parents. I mean it.


I wish I had that in my ear just so I could experience the relief of having it removed.


I wasn't mad, just letting him know his life sucks.


Former dancer reporting in. This isn't always the case. Usually we go out of our way to make customers feel appreciated when they come in alone on holidays - especially Valentine's Day and Christmas. You don't always have to be looking for a good tip, sometimes it's just nice to make someone's night a little brighter. Everyone knows how shitty it feels to be alone on a holiday.


I know her as well and don't appreciate you attributing nefarious intentions to her. She was way out of line, though.


"Mornin' Sam."

"Mornin' Ralph."


Wow, no offense but you really gotta get out more


I've had it explained to me as "if you see one, you've got ten".


You mean the glorified Audi?

Edit: Lol, do your research people

Edit 2: How many of you have tagged me "Pretentious Audi-hater?"


Literally put two and two together...


I never understood why people say you shouldn't take money from bags or wallets that you find on the street. Whenever this happens to me (and it's happened multiple times) I always take at least half of the money. I think of it as a "finder's fee"; they should consider themselves lucky I'm even returning it in the first place lol.


I don't usually say this, but this is exactly the psychotic business mentality that is ruining this country. Nobody is a person anymore, regardless of their sacrifice as an employee. Workers are just disposable assets to be used and abused, then thrown away when they even slightly reduce performing for a short time.

It's psychotic.


HI WEDDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIS MORNING I HAD DA CERWEAL INSTEAD OF DA NASTIE OATMEEL BECAWSE YOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


He asked what the fox said, not what Fox thought all Muslims said


I haven't watched the video yet, but after reading your comment I feel like it's going to be absolute garbage.


Ben & Jerry's Frozen Bromance. Sold with two mini plastic spoons. Contains adorable almonds.

I was originally going to say Banana Bromance, but let's just move on from that idea.


WAAAAAAAAAAAH ME MISSIES NEENTENTEE PEEWEER WAAAAAAAAAAH


The meme has become self aware.


I'm not an atheist, but I got a pole she can dance on. If you catch my drift. ;)


I can't wait for Season 2!!!


I bet Snoop never gets tired of people talking about weed with him.


That's called having your steak [blue](http://steakandco.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/degrees2.jpg).


They just made him appear younger by going backwards around the block a few times.


-"What" ain't no country I've ever heard of. They speak English in What?

-What?

-English, motherfucker, do you speak it?


lol have my upvotes sir.


... "Wow that guy in full uniform really gets my panties soaked. Right?! Anyone else think this guy is super fuckable?"


That's not what it's about. It's about a man's place in today's society. It's about traditional make/female dynamics. It's about the shift in dynamics over the past century. Spend some time reading what it's about before spreading misinformation.

Edit: OhMy8008 explains it below better than I ever could. Keep the downvotes coming.


say what you will about common sense, but that guy who jumped atop it is my hero


Squash? The vegetable?


Great now you got Tiny Tim in my head.


I really hope that's a joke


"Yeah Jim, I've been fornicating with this girl for weeks now, but I'm not sure if she likes me at all."


why couldn't you call a taxi? mayihavesomebread sounds like a cheap cunt of a wife.


SR-71

Hard to pick a favorite. I tend to like FPS with a story, like Bioshock, Fallout or Mass Effect, but was also a big fan of Civ and Warcraft.

French and BBQ

Whiskey


You fucking pussy britfags wouldn't know a manly sport if it hit you in the face.

Rugby < Football


Long beard. Eye patch. Crotchless panties.


>Do these so called "pro teams" really know what they are doing?

yes they do, fortunately for them they are not following guides of people with less than 1000 elo


I flipped a coin for every word haha


This comment needs moar upboats


"Yeah, I thought you looked familiar, Arnaud has photos of you two together."


>One night, I answered a call on his boyfriend's cellphone, while I was waiting on witnesses to call us.

>>I answered a call on his boyfriend's cellphone

>>>on his boyfriend's cellphone

>>>>*his* `boyfriend`

***FAGGOT DETECTED***


She really blazed it.


Population is just fine, as long as stupid cunts like your friend are dying there is definitely room for the rest of us!


All i can think when i peruse /r/parenting is the episode of 30 rock where Liz Lemon wants to buy a girls bike and posts on a forum for suggestions:

"I'm sorry, but whats a "girl's" bike? Is that like a "girl" doctor? Go back to Saudi Arabia, Hitler!"

"UR buying a bike but not a helmet? The head is where the child's brain is! Why don't u get educated, Double Hitler!"


Only ignorant idiots who don't know their history associate it slavery.  A lot of Southerners who fly it do so because they are proud of their heritage.


No younger, and no older, only 7 year olds.


You know its funny, every time someone picks on us juggalos on the internet someone googles it then it spreads the word even more, the more you make fun of us the more we grow, just like how ICP got started if you (and emeniem) learn to keep your mouths shut they would have been no bodys a long time ago.


there was a woman who worked at starbucks near me whose name was Lana and I did say 'Lana, Lana, Lana' to her once but never yelled


This is my girlfriend and dog. Lucky owner? ;)


How does praying lead to a blowjob?


Tony Romo Bradying down the slide as well. Thank you for your detective work.


And zip loc bags. My in-laws wash all of them and save them. They also hoard ketchup packets and such from every where they eat out. They have TONS of these things everywhere. Most of them expired for YEARS.


No, you're thinking of a real Minnesotan.


Thanks Meg.

Edit:[Thank you for the gold]( http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/3810328/peter-griffin-dives-into-gold-o.gif)


> what makes his tonight show great

well that's where you fucked up. his show blows and is gimmicky.

EDIT: holy shit 49 fallon fans? You shills out really out tonight since he fucking played a card game with kevin hart


Dude. You barely know Story. Are you sure you aren't moving a little fast?


2005...... uh thats 10 years ago. Fuck!


There is something I need to tell you. I was young, he was dashing... There was beer involved.


GOO GOO!!! MOMMMYY WHAT DID DA MAN SAY ABOUT CHESSNUT!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!


Also, guns always making a cocking sound every time they're raised.  So often you'll see someone raise a gun, you hear it being cocked, they lower it for whatever reason, then raise it again and you hear the same sound but they never decocked it.  Its like they want you to think guns just bark at you when ever they're pointed at you.


It's not your fall

It's not your fall

It's not your fall

FTFY

edit: Wow, I think this is a record. This is what my brain read the first time i read the above comment. I'll remember not to post douchebag brain comments anymore.


Somebody call Mike Rowe!


Not as genius as the host faceplanting for ten minutes. That takes smugness to an all new level. If he could have thrown his poop at me, he would have.


I'd probably just go with it, I really don't have much going on.


i dont care. both of you have downvotes


Like a starving African child simulator?


I love GoTye!

(game of thrones)

Edit: I made a bad mistake, but I will take my punishment as you see fit, like a man.


The one that Ashton's mother makes.


Fortunately, that's horribly incorrect. She is still she. She may have been seen as he much earlier in life, causing great distress. She managed to escape the extreme pain brought upon by living with the wrong body, and transitioned to be able to live life as the woman she is


>unbreakable

My dad would disagree


You're not holding your kid in your arms. And for his sake please don't


shes gettin *kept* yo, im marryin her


Last gen Consoles = Alpha

Next Gen Consoles = Beta

PC = Complete

Edit: lel at everyone downvoting.


That's some hard-core selfishness right there.


no man .. no one will take the time to do this because

1. this is not funny

2. no one care

3. fuck you cunt

4. now u fucking click the upvote arrow NOW

**edit: so you want to downvote ? I WILL FUCKING HACK ALL OF UR COMPUTERS FAGGOTS NOOBS**


I thought Michele from Romy and Michele invented it?


o contre, any woman who has a few kids under her belt and is an avid blizzard fan is probably morbidly obese and hideusly ugly, ihis father either disapeared years ago or he is just looking for an exscuse for a divorce.


But would you recognize [Hitler](http://lemurinn.is/wp-content/uploads/391.jpg) in disguise in Western Canada?


They're always the ones that bitch and complain about being nice to poeple but turn around and show hatred to others. Like I'm sure you guys probably liked a post when a chick that required a specific height, was being made fun of in the post for having requirements some guys don't fit into.


Jesus take the oar.

Edit: Awe, gold? And a from a president no less. Cheers!


> The EPL is a better league with him in it.

no it fucking isn't. god you only find stupid shit like this on /r/soccer. HAHAHA just imaging a Wrexham pub and one guy going 'well love him or hate him, Mou is great for the prem!!!'


She didn't appreciate the future of efficiency?


Dammit... have an upmote...

Edit: Wow. Watch, tomorrow, the circlejerk will be FOR the subreddit puns.


Speaking as a Brit. Germany is probably the best nation in mainland Europe (Scandinavia doesn't count)


He should have died like the rest of the American scum that were murdered for justice of the palastinian suffering. Allahu akbar. You are being brainwashed by your government.


No, I really shouldn't...  OK, only because you incest.


Fun Fact: There's no such thing as "zero gravity". Gravity is just a term we use to describe things that are in free fall.

The earth is in free fall around the sun. The sun is in free fall around the supermassive black hole at the center of our galaxy.


This is worse than when Hank found the book


I have no idea why you are getting downvoted.  That was good and I laughed.  If you get downvoted for that comment I deserve to be downvoted for laughing.  Have at it guys!


The Air Bud series got really dark in the 10th film.


No, but seriously, who wants to watch porn with women 27+? There are some very hot MILFs out there, but they are the exception rather than the rule.


People always ask "What the hell did John Lennon see in Yoko Ono?" and I always reply "Well for starters, they were both massive narcissist pieces of shit"


Sorry for bringing them all in here. I would have used my other name, but this one is kind of relevant to the discussion.


But the ratio of non-cute nurses to cute nurses is at least 20:1


Um, it clearly says they found him in a car accident. So of course they know he's dead otherwise they wouldn't have known it was a car accident. They would have still just said missing. So obviously he's been found. Fucking hell just tell the families already. Doesn't matter if his face is all messed up they still have a right to know.


No archeologist wants to be known as the guy who keeps finding dildos.
Edit: Thank you for the gold. My gilded comment is about ancient dildos. Could be worse.


Well rmuser stated i was the best moderator they ever had.


I was thinking the same thing.  I would really like to meet a woman who is into the things I Google.


Except Anna Kendrick is unattractive.


What? (note: this was literally his reaction when we asked if he wanted an Xbox)


You redpillers think that just because a woman gets more attractive that she's going to cheat on you. Women love you for who you are. You fucking think all women are sluts who will cheat and thats misogynistic


That was the least official interaction possible. I love it.


I accept anything I can get.


Never know, your sis could have known what that vag was swimmin with.


He could be come a bum and live by eating out of the trash instead of working for comcast. Then at least he'd still have his dignity.


Just because he's black, doesn't mean he plays basketball.


Thank you for your unsolicited approval and advice....

Edit: Here I'll downvote myself to increase the negative fucks I give!


I always thought that people making these sort of comments about no blowjobs after the wedding were kidding :(


Really? I was expecting it.

EDIT: To the people who downvoted.  It was a joke dumbasses.

Wow...47 losers who got a split seconds pleasure from downvoting. Keep em coming!

EDIT 2 : yeay...69 losers downvoted..come on, i KNOW Reddit has a lot more idiots to offer up..

EDIT 3: Awww, slowing down now..


Haha, so true! I can relate, I know that feeling! I really do! Really!


Thanks for your input!


There sure are a lot of cousin fuckers in this thread....


> Pussypass.

Oh great yet another word some nutjob has invented that I have to keep track of like cis and shitlord and SJW.

edit:  Apparently I pissed off a whole lot of people who use the word 'pussypass'.  Congratulations, you are on the same mental level as people who use the word "cisgendered".


This is bullshit - you're oversimplifying a complex situation to the point of no longer adding anything to the discussion.


I dont think you get the joke, Ocelote was claiming Froggen was ddosing him because he wanted more viewers but Froggen wasn't ddosing and ocelote was retarded. its a "RIP SCARRA" etc thing.


Upvote for appropriately answering the question. But you're a heathen


It's a bug, infinite looping is never an intended feature in card games.

edit: Yep, I'm sure all of you downvoting are right and the tournament level hearthstone player featured in this video is wrong.


They wouldn't have been doing that if they didn't like chancing somebody seeing them. Next time, give them a thumbs up.


dont be to butthurt over it. I wouldnt expect anyone who i call "that one guy" to buy me drinks anyway.

 HJ > paying for some kids drinks that I kind of know.


Is 6 months too long? Not if no one knows.


THat sucks for you man. Basically, you have to pay (by feeding him etc.) to be yelled at, stressed out, and annoyed. I hope you've TRICKED YOURSELF into believing something really convincing to make it seem worth it. Either way, you're fucked now.


What the fuck kind of high school do you go to?!?!


>very compelling stories.

Oh let me guess! Angry Birds is an intimate examination of man's fascination to fly and his innate, human curiosity to explore the heavens?

>I don't really see the problem with getting an easy serotonin fix, either.

Of course you don't. That's why I wouldn't want a person like you as a life companion.


Fucking Christ. We have 5 minutes to get to the next class, bitch. You're not that important.

That's why college was so great for me. I could just leave because I'm a fucking adult with other shit to do.


Only if I lose 50% of my intelligence, 100% of my humor, and become someone that sits alone in my parent's basement jerking off.


I'm afraid you're overqualified.


Ridiculing someone and harassing them does prove his point.

If all they did was take a picture and enjoyed the situation, then I would agree. Somehow, I find it very unlikely though.


I don't think you've fully grasped the meaning of either "brb" or "suicide"


Stop redditing and start exercising Edit: You can't handle the truth, she is fat and that is a danger for her health


I just unzipped in class for nothing!


>  family's members.

I see what you did there.


I-V-IV?

I made this.


Why did you respond to me with this, I don't think it's funny or cool.


No, no, no, no, anyone but her! Not... Janie Briggs! Guys, she's got glasses and a ponytail! Aw, look at that, she's got paint on her overalls, what is that?


You're a fucking idiot. Did you even read the article.. probably not. The original draft of the law was to combat the terrorist arm of the democratic party, the Ku Klux Klan. You know, to stop the liberal democrats from attacking, and lynching blacks.
The law was written to stop people like you from attacking black people.


Ice cream: good.

Reese's: good.

Meat: *good*.

This sounds like something Joey Tribbiani would order.


as soon as you said "pyro vision goggles" I understood...trollololololol that's awesome I never noticed that, valve trolling us. guess I should play pyro more often...I'm not a really offensive person tho =/


Under-the-butt nut hut.


Non-techy? Macbooks are one of the best if not the best laptops out there. OSx  is way more customizable than windows even.


                               _
              _        ,-.    / )
             ( `.     /   -._/ /
              `\ \   /        /
                ; `-`        /
                |           /
                \          /
                 )       /`
                 /      /`


igotitbutitwasntfunnysoicalledhimout.bmp

alsololololisntafiletype.mp4


If you make it through your youth without a few run ins with the law you probably lived a sheltered life.


Not in a BMW, you aren't.


I bet she has body odor though. She is in the gym. Kinda hard to smile with her when it's likely that she smells.

Although she could be wearing deodorant. We'll never know.


What does Marsellus Wallace look like?

Meep?

WHAT COUNTRY YOU FROM?

Meep?

MEEP AIN'T NO COUNTRY I EVER HEARD OF.  THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN MEEP?

Meep?

ENGLISH MOTHER FUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT?


what a buzzkill let people figure it out on their own, it's not that difficult

edit: apparently a very unpopular opinion


Where did you learn about the second law of thermodynamics?

In a physics text book.

In the Matrix.


Who the hell are you? You know she's an electrical engineer and is probably a lot smarter than you right? Foh, stop making the TN community look bad, and please stop with the sjw conspiracy theories.


It's Putin, it's Putin in Ukraine-kraine-kraine-kraine-kraine-kraine-kraine-kraine...


darn you found us out


This line always makes me think of the Joker's cunning and ruthlessness in the Dark Knight.

"He's out, right?"

*nods*


when do you plan to have them start hooking?


I kinda just imagine you moving your head up and down and then saying: .... nicee :).

sorry.


This is the best comment in the history of the Internet.


The world changes drastically post orgasm


honestly though I don't always have the money to tip and I still eat out tipping is not mandatory


i'm gonna steal this comment and make a front page post out of it, just FYI.


That's pretty annoying and pathetic.


Damn dude, sounds like you should end this relationship.


Why so serious you guys?


You know it's bad when someone's business is sex and they have to get hammered first.


She did you such a favor. Where is Louis C.K. when you need him? A bro will watch your house while you're away. A woman will leave a note in your fridge about her obnoxious dogs.


pushing a hoop with a stick down a dirt road


why is everyone ignoring the fact that gaybox is running a scam and not letting their customers cancel? obviously psn is havin a temporary crisis but 2 weeks downtime out of 4 years is um... much much better than paying for gaybox live and having to use that niggerdick controller. -_-;;;


I have a friend whose little brother is named seven. It got weird when he turned eight.


Yes, and now all the little atheists who cant even spell the word have another dumb reason to orgasm all over their computer-screens.

Its *absolutely pathetic* how such an irrelevant story gains traction here.


Throw apeshit. Got it.


Lol, that is some crazy biasness putting Toronto at 2.


He flew a little too close to the sun that fateful night. Poor, poor Icarus


karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore karma whore


The fact that grandma baked racoon cornbread didn't do it for you?

Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger.


Sorry champ, I dont get butthurt about imaginary numbers on the internet. Thankfully I got the answers from people unlike yourself who were not pieces of shit.

This is no different from any other Askreddit topic about things like this.

Go fuck yourself. <3


Ya, I already had this guy tagged in bright red as "dude is into some weird shit". He lived up to it here.


Honestly though, your wife isn't that hot either. She looks trans gender.


The amount of 'Merica in your post just made a bald eagle shed a single tear.


Thank you. I don't recognizing classic gaming. /sarcasm


How come you never see old people with neck tattoos?

Because people with neck tattoos don't make good decisions.


post pics of you instead of this autistic fat fuck. unless you're as fat as him, then please don't


Dad jokes from beyond the grave.


Despite my stance against the use of marijuana, I'm actually pretttyyy chilll mannn.


if you pay attention to the commercials, you'll notice that they never claim the product does anything.


it's a joke lol don't get ur knickers in a not


http://i.imgur.com/j8E5f.jpg

Edit: I'm glad people got a kick out of this. Made it minutes before work. Ms. Stoya's a sweet lady and a good sport. Here's one with the mark fixed: http://i.imgur.com/qzdpC.jpg


Love the reaction this is getting.
People aren't voting on this post because of the .gif I chose. Although, as uptight as this community is, you all should be watching this over and over and over...
And by my count, there are more people that agree with me than are opposed.


You said AMA.  That means "Ask Me Anything."  Not "Ask Me Anything with regards to this movie I'm pushing."


But seriously, about the repost thing: didn't know it was, and if its getting upvotes, obviously people haven't seen it and they like it. Plus its in a different subreddit.


I am an atheist and it offends me, because I went to school for graphic design and the color pallet is horrid.


Have you considered maybe it's you people who lack critical thinking skills? I mean the guy's Carl Sagan's son, he's obviously smart right? Just because he challenges the narrative fed to you by the U.S. government, that means he doesn't have any validity?

Keep getting your vaccinations friend, I'm sure they'll help you out when the government flips the switch.


*thunderous* is the word you're looking for.


No one deserves that for expressing their views.


Elon Musk just tweeted "Next rocket landing on drone ship in 2 to 3 weeks w way more hydraulic fluid. At least it shd explode for a diff reason."

I think "at least it should explode for a different reason" is a fantastic way to refer to a rocket's failure.


In its current state, the idea of rationality certainly goes against everything that the sub is. I am willing to change that. And I am certainly not SRS.


Or creepy. Depends on whether OP is attractive or not!


Snitches get stitches


Which is about $276,000,000 in American currency

Edit: Proof-
http://imgur.com/etuyuej
The $100 trillion Zimbabwean Dollar bills you guys have are worthless basically, Zimbabwe effectively rebooted their currency.


Yes, everyone downvote him. ^


Before your death, are you going to make your last words, FOOLED YOU?


I mean, the ability to prevent it was entirely in your hands and you were instructed to do so by your parents.

But it's still not your fault. Somehow.


£ = Pound

#*#* = Hash

The only country to call it a pound symbol is the US. Everywhere else it means the British Currency. Or a unit of weight.


yeah cause you WERENT trying to make a show of your superior knowledge of arm chair sociology. the fuck outta hereee


"Uhhh...I'm a security expert. I just wanted to prove that your office is lacking in critical security infrastructure. Any corporate spy could've waltzed right in here, accessed your private data, and sabotaged your network. Hire me at $90k per year and I will ensure that what I just did will never happen again."


This is a repost. http://www.reddit.com/r/HighQualityGifs/comments/247979/you_ok_pulp_fiction/ch4m8xt


Nemo put on the wig again

But da-

DID I FUCKIN STUTTER


I'm not jealous of believing in horse shit. Why would anyone be jealous of that?


Fellow former Hooter Girl here! The regulars always made me a little sad, you almost feel guilty because you know some of those lonely old men are on a very limited income and really can't afford those big tips.
The uniform inspection was the worst!! We had one creepy manager who made us stand up on a chair and twirl... He also quite regularly smacked my ass. I was not sad to see him go!


Has Phoebe ever been nude?  I remember watching that episode and thinking those must be some desperate cops.

Jennifer and Courtney have beautiful breasts.  Couldn't say that about Lisa Kudrow.


Why the fuck does anyone still live in Gotham.


Or most pathetic.  Can't decide.


If JJ Abrams screws up Episode VII, I will refer to him as Jar Jar Abrams for the rest of my life


Ah yes, the "being an introvert makes me smarter than people with social skills" argument. That's not a typical redditor attitude at all.


*STUCKING INTENSIFIES*


I'm going to reiterate that OP did not ask for CC.


I just want to move out so that I can have sex with my girlfriend whenever I want.


No question, just wanted to tag along on this karma train. choo choo!

edit: downvotes? really?

edit2: come on sheeple

edit3: i really did nazi that coming

edit4: ^ lol get it?


Here in Kentucky we use warsh-cloths.


well we can rule out your mom ! (seriously its a good joke dont downvote ive lost so much karma over the last few days)


$2 IIRC but I think most of the economy was based on bartering. People would trade using these little sour candies that were really popular at the time, baseball cards, stickers, etc.


wow so you are literally against doing something that could help raise money for war-torn family's...WOW


OH are you Warlizard from blah blah... there, that's out of the way.

That's some damn fine research and citations. There's a lot of opinions about what this guy "should have" done or "could have" done, so it's nice to see some facts.


There is way more psychology in religious documents than you could ever guess.  The kabbalah Tree of Life is very well related to the functions of the left and right brain for instance.

In fact, most of Jung's pyschology is based on the psychology found in folklore and mythology.


I would ask my grandad for a quarter. Then he'd be all, "Oh Cunty, you know you're my favorite grandchild. Here, have a whole dollar."

Then I'd be able to buy a bazillion bitcoin that would be worth $30,534,304 today.

The math is totally right, don't bother checking it.


It's not that creative. The picture of the unicorn licking the butt of that guy under the rainbow is creative.

OP: You have just made a ragecomic complaining about the ragecomic subreddit, yet you have used 6 panels and not 4. Please **read the rules** of the subreddit. I am downvoting your post again :-)

**ENJOY DOWNVOTE OBLIVION AGAIN, OP** :-D


M'um

Edit: Obligatory thanks for the gold!

[M'redditor](http://i.imgur.com/K9pqJji.jpg)


Your risk will not go unrewarded, young one.

Sorry, I am wearing a headset with some badass music playing.


Oh completely.

Hey donate us $10M and we'll give you back $9M laundered tax free.  Beats giving 35% to the government.


He forgot, though. It was just by chance. He gets an A for thoughtfulness, but a D for execution.


The coke can on my desk is Rexam, and somehow that made me feel like a loser just for drinking it.


People with poopy computers are almost as bad

Edit: Holy shit, I was joking. I don't hate people with lower end computers.


I'm not crying, it's just dusty in here.


so sya we all

edit: oops typo


Staring academy award winner, Jaden Smith...


>Why would you even say that?

I didn't explicitly say it... but it was implied. I think I said "too bad my inbox is full of private info" or something. Users are my top priority, and the fact that the mods didn't take the threat seriously frightens me.


Plan of the century here folks:
Hit him until he goes down.

Good job on the fight btw,I got such an awkward feeling watching that idiot lean into you like that.


No way Hosay! I'm just saying that why waste the food on her when they will eventually just put her down anyway.


There's nothing like seeing three grown ass working men channel their inner child


there is only 7 comments on here and 3 of them are exactly the same. You unoriginal fuck.


The problem of a lack of foresight in family planning wouldn't even exist. Damn, we'd all be eugenics proponents.


awwww does someone want to get waid.
stop hating women and you might get play


Maybe a coincidence, but there's always the chance that this redditor has been stalking you for years and waiting for the opportunity to do something like that.

You know, just a chance.


Downvotes for whiny bitches.


HE DID IT! CONGRATS OP!!!! DON'T FUCK UP!


Why are people so rude? You can find what you want funny.

It just means OP wasn't funny enough and yet, everyone thinks he was. He needs to up his game if he wants to be good enough to get the girl.


Spotify's commercials are the worst. 90% of the time it's O'Reily's goddamn auto parts.


I nearly died because of mental illness once but then I took a arrow to the knee.


"You know who's just like Terry Crews? Terry Crews."


HER DERD ERT MAHK U LERGH? MAHN ER WERMAHN YER ERN ERSER ERN.


/u/LackLustreSurvivor also shed his reptilian skin, but that's not relevant.


Its funny how ignorant your generation is.


I opened that on my phone and it PAUSED MY MUSIC.

You animal.


think all you want but my stick will still be in her mouth not urs xD


What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?


***You think you're some funny shit don't you?  You're a fucking weirdo homo.  How about you dont do what she asks because she is a woman.  Fuck, youre pathetic.***


A penny, and a 1972 dime with a Roosevelt imperfection.


LmAo ThAt'S **NaStY** ... iiiiiiiiii BeT ThEy SmELl AnD ThAt He DiiiiiiiiiiiiiiDN't WaSh ThEm FoR WeEKs!!! MaYbE MonThS !!!


Ok, I will create a GUI in Visual Basic and trace their IPs.


I have a hard time believing you wear it when you sit in the backseat of a car
e: look at op's reply, yall downvoting baboons


"I saved your life, and then I saved your job, both without you realizing either one of them was in danger. You're welcome."


Kim k is just as much a thot, and a worse person, plus her ass is fake and she is ugly


In Soviet Russia, bus misses *you*!


According to the [CoD wiki](http://callofduty.wikia.com/wiki/Battle_of_the_Bulge) the Battle of the Bulge is only featured in the original CoD and CoD: United Offensive, which is an expansion pack to the original CoD - so I'm gonna call bs on this.


"I am sorry I defaced your daughter."


yep.. i bet some silly nigger made this like AH HAH! WHAT SAY YOU NOW, WHITE PEOPLE!??


The invention of the shovel was truly groundbreaking


No, you're right, it was 5 months ago.


POWs are defined as persons acting on behalf of a nation-state.  ISIL/ISIS/IS is not a nation-state, therefore the Geneva convention doesn't apply to them.


I'm really jealous of you right now, sir.


Screw tact...I think in this case you are perfectly fine telling the guy those cups are disgusting and you are not drinking from a cup that a dog licked


Am I not allowed to be angry? Shall I be a robot for you? When someone claims I deleted stuff simply because it "made me unhappy" instead of because it was pedophile apoligism?


You sly dog, you got me monologuing! I can't believe it


hahaha yes he let tihs man fapfapfapfapfap lol w/o leting wife no... good on him!!!!


I remember that!

It's weird because it's a weird thing to remember, and I never remember anything


MOMMMMYYYY!!!!! WAT ID DA APETOL SCIENCE HANDHEWD POLTOL DEVICE?????? GOO GOO!!!! #GOOGOO!!!!


well when a man loves 148 women very much, and lives in the middle East, he marries all of them and has 800 children.


*WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHH* *aaaand* here we have the first one who didnt get it.


Wow, he lasted less than two hours.


Let's admit it, this robot is pretty useless...

Edit: Whoa there guys, slow down. Has anyone actually ever looked at what this robot says? ~~Imgur~~Quickmeme is up most of the time...

Edit: Okay, I was wrong, please stop sending me your very butthurt replies.


"I'm going to hold my breath until you let me fuck that goat!"


Implying Tosh is a funny comedian. You sir, are the comedian.


He never said it was perfect


Pretty much this. Plus they got pretty unfairly smeared by you all and the MRA's so they now know what it feels like to have a bunch of raving mouth breathers make shit up about you and have everyone believe it.


no wonder that man's kid is so brilliant


And rightfully so.  He should be blaming her.


I hired Lee Cheng for my divorce, and I got to keep 3 kids.

My ex wife and I didn't even have any kids.

He's THAT good.


It was #2 on front page 7 minutes after the upload. I am at the point where I don't even care anymore if it's fake or not


It's my life. It's now or never. I ain't gonna give forever.


Gotta say I read a similar joke on Reddit the last time Anonymous hacked ISIS a while back, so I can't claim it as mine. But the timing seemed right.


Is it me or do Chelsea fans like bringing up Arsenal more times than Arsenal fans do? good christ

Edit: could you guys downcote me aome more plz, preferably under -150 if poss


My best buds are different to your best buds, as I smoke my best buds.


OH MY GOD

EDID YOU JUST SERIOUSLY COME UP WITH THIS ON YOUR OWN?????

THIS IS COMEDIC GENIUS. BRAVO, JUST BRAVO. NOTHING IN THIS EARTHLY HALLOW CAN TOP THIS, YOU WIN! CONGRATULATIONS!

!!11111+1+101!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111


He's a Redditor already.


MOMMYY I THINK MY BRODER ATE DA POO POO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THINK HE DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMYYYY CAN I HAS HIS ROOM???????????? GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I think she'll settle for a D


DAE Christ Pratt is the most awesome person?

EDIT: Downvotes, really? Haters gonna hate. Chris Pratt + Weed = Awesomeness.

In case you're wondering..Yeah, I would suck his dick.


She has been practicing all her life for you, OP.


This is so useful because it will definitely solve her problems. Are you going to eat a sandwich "for her" too?


Reddit went down for like 5 minutes.


it's definitely worth the postage to send this genetic failure's family reminders of when their kid was alive for the next few years, now that we have their address.


Which one of them was so boring they wanted to go to jury duty

Edit: My first ever Reddit gold! Thanks stranger!


Can you faggots just STFU now?  kthxbai


TIL a combover and a suit is a unique style that can never be copied.


I have no problem accepting the downvote barrage to tell you you are a fool. Hilarious, but a fool.

NOW SHUT UP AND TAKE MY KARMA, DOWNVOTERS.


I like your enthusiasm for the joke.


Can confirm have been playing drunk, using random champs that I googled a guide for in champ select, right clicking enemy base when insulted and afk'ing to smoke cigarettes when my team was just to shit and wouldn't surr. Still never made it below bronze 3 & got an honor ribbon rofl =)

If you are not handicapped the only reason you are in bronze a long time is that you troll to much.


You guys are making me feel very dateable. Thanks.


It's called being fuckin hardcore. You'd probably understand better if you were an aussie

EDIT: And the downvotes kind of prove the point. Being hardcore is about not giving a fuck. The whole idea is doing fucked up shit that disgusts the masses, then laughing about it cause you don't give a fuck


/r/atheism would brigade the thread and down vote it.


well... at the time he was signing it, he didn't know the guy was going to murder him.


proof or you're just another troll.


Uhhh...are you in the right thread?


Because butthurt, lelelelelel


Plumber here it's rice. People think they can put anything down their garburator but the drains can't handle lots of things.


Haha you fag... go back to /r/pokemon. This thread is for MW3 and skyrim fans... sorry (-:

Edit: Oh come on... surely pokemon snap (a game which got 7/10 on a game system 15 years ago) does not measure up to the epic games I listed above... Upvote if you agree! XD


He's just trying to join the 1% battery club.


i think now is a good time for a... rick roll! Ba daa... *upvote if you found funny*


I believe that is is better stated as:

Florida is unique in that the average person is born poor and Hispanic and dies rich and Jewish.

Edit: This is now my top comment ever, but falls solidly into the bottom quartile for effort.  Reddit is confusing.


I marked it NSFW because of the face mutilation. I just figured better safe than sorry.


> I AM ONLY 12 BUT I LIKE MORE TO LISTEN TO (insert old musician) THAN THOSE SHITS LIKE (insert crappy artists here). SRSLY WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS GENERATION


I'm not sure why this thread is incapable of understanding the internal logic. She's clearly saying that if children aren't taught values and given a purpose then they're vulnerable to ISIS who can provide both of those things.


I can imagine how fucked up you would make yourself seem having a casual conversation with someone at a party.

"So what do you do for a living?"

"I kill people."

"..😐" *walks away*

"Wait! But they deserved it!"


NIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERBABY_DICK_BABY_DICK_BABY_DICK
I_WANT_FREE_GAMESI_WANT_FREE_GAMESI_WANT_FREE_GAMESI_WANT_FREE_GAMES


Uhhh, dude, that was a blank recording.


The whole point isn't to get caught..

EDIT: Down vote me more you little shits, but face the fact.


In Denmark there is a law that states that you are not allowed to profit off of somebody else's nudity. Therefore you can become a prostitute but it is illegal to become a pimp.


Jesus christ, I got here from r/all. Yours is the sanest comment, forget it, this place is full of hateful proto-fascists. These fucks will take it further and further until only perfectly fit aryan bodies will be acceptable lol, it's only a matter of time before they begin discussing eugenics.


At least you made the wedding memorable.


save it for /r/givesafuck


"I just found the secret that unlocks the bonus levels" has evolved to "I just bought $30 of DLC!"


I came here to post that I hate, hate, HATE jackasses who insist on riding their bikes down busy streets at 10 god damn miles an hour. I understand you have a right to the road too, but shit. I have places to go!

Don't get me wrong. I love riding my bike for recreation and if I had the opportunity, I would totally bike to work. But stick to trails or the damn side walk.


> About 1/3 really nice outfits. About 2/3 legendary raid gear sets

FTFY


Or... help hide the evidence so they could frame Oswald.

Hey, how many chicks have WANTED to blow their cheating husbands away and get away with it? Am I the only one to ever think of this?


1. Wait in room for 24 hours

2. Collect 1 million for being in the room for 24 hours

3. Leave room

4. Collect 2 million for leaving the room


Your response is contradicting as nobody asked you to comment back and let out personal frustrations either. The thing is, sweetie, this is a social website in which venting personal opinions are acceptable. In this case specifically the OP did ask for opinions on the matter.


Upvote for use of protractor


What! Conor keeps calling him out and saying he is coming for him and eventually confronts him. Aldo uses that footage to pretend Conor is scared.

It is lazy and pretty terrible.


Because I had a 15 year old son and made sure he had easy access to them if he needed them, without being too obvious.


you posted this on reddit.. right? In a thread where people are actively throwing hissy fits about my show.. yet here you are telling me I should have ended it? Ok..


=if(OP=monster,1,2)

*1*


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Whenever you don't feel like helping them just tell them that the TV needs time to rest.


Have an upvote for your astute observations


sorry, I don't mean to be *that guy* but, for fun I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home


Serves them right for having horrible taste in honeymoons. Really..Pakistan..? Really?


I fully approve. He *is* smart, but he also comes off almost completely insufferable on Twitter.


^comment ^does ^not ^contribute ^to ^the ^discussion


*"I PLAN TO ARRIVE IN THE NEXT FEW SECONDS M'LADY"*


What man? You can't say I'm wrong. The demographics proove it lol


Key & Peele - Office Homophobe: http://youtu.be/e3h6es6zh1c


not at all.

edit: downvotes for answering a question? a new low for you sheep.


Boy do I have news for you.


wow so $65,000 went right into your fucking pocket under the assumption you would be budgeting for them? I knew you were a scamming piece of shit.


This would have ruined me as a kid. I was far, far too literal and believed everything my parents told me. My dad once told me that snapping turtles will bite you and "won't let go until the sun goes down." I spent years wondering why the sun going down would make them release, but I believed it.


"she charged more for that than she did the handjobs"
Your argument is invalid. Hooker confirmed.


wow, that socks dude...


- No
- This is the first time I've ever seen a main video set to sponsors only.

Before sponsors just did it to support the company, I don't see why they expect all of this special stuff to be honest.


Jesus.  That's like Walmart advertising "now with less child labor!"


You try telling that to the veteran student who toured Iraq and Afghanistan for 4 years or the non traditional student who pursued their education after having children. You could get beat or a stern talking to, depending which one you encounter.


Comedian: "…the first time I ever had sex…"

Heckler: "Yesterday?"

*Crowd Laughs*

Comedian: "Glad you remember"


I understand the frustration but you act like this is mandatory. Do you have every single achievement in the game already and this is the last one you need? It's shit like this that makes it so everything has to be so damn casual in this game these days


Is it weird that I actually like going to the movies by myself?


You're not contributing anything of value.


All of that surgery in someone that old, could certainly result in her death. That would open the woman up to manslaughter charges. Hope the parking space was worth it.


You call lyrics rapey when they aren't rapey, but can merely be misinterpreted to be rapey. The rest of the song also proves that it's not rapey. You are confused.


That's fucking adorable.


I don't get it and just downvoted. Does anyone really still play WoW? The physical and mental toll it takes from it's "players" shows. Why "raid with you're guild" when you could be playing sports or learning (a real) trade here in the real world.


Violets are blue.

I've made a poem

With Lots42.


No, it's not. It's vindictive and selfish.

The downvotes only serve to confirm the former part of this statement, btw.


It's whatever you want. Just sign on the dotted line.


If anything, at least two people care. First off, you, for replying to him. And second, me, for replying to you. You may not want to care, *but you do, sir.*


The weirdest thing about it is that he actually survived.


They're literally Hitler.


Perfect for when a full screen app shits the bed and you need to quickly put it out of its misery.


Cool you watched the episode and are now quoting it nobody fucking cares

*thats fine i can down vote all of you to


...what the hell?

^^*you* ^^*bastard*


This is why I, a lesbian,  hate men. Not because I'm a good dicking away from being straight, couldn't be further from the truth. I've had sex with men and didn't like it ergo I'm a lesbian but holy fucktits this is the kind of shit that makes me want to stand on your balls


"Hey babe, do you want chicken or beef for dinner tonight?"

"I saw seventeen children and one alpaca die this morning in the ER. There was blood everywhere. The world is changed. I feel it in the water, I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it."

"...okay, chicken it is."


You think I give a shit about karma?


It's up to us to make the story viral.


he is american, that explains all. Americans = dumb, if you did not know.


I found it funny thinking about how land mines would solve the problem, then saw it was lines.


really no idea, probably pic from earlier on


WWIII is a strange name for a child


Moral of the story: Don't use presumption to fill in missing details. The sister who uploaded the photo to her blog is a step sister, from my father's first marriage. My biological mother had never been apart of my life, so I regard my stepmother as my true mom. Thanks for being a dick, Mr. Detective.


Well, even if you fuck up I might never know.


>and probably prevented many more from that woman.

Get real.


My tombstone will be:

 *He was taken too late*


Wait, what's going on here?


But you are the perfect height for hugs ;)


As long as you're not a greasy nigger anyway. Or a faggot, I wish that we still publicly executed homosexuals.


Somebody get this guy to NASA.


take this downvote and be gone


One of many big holes in that movie...


It's not the content of the lie that's got me sad.  It's the fact that she lied to me.  I can't explain the caliber of pain I feel because of it.  So much to explain and even then most people wouldn't understand.


Yes and yes they survived. Not often though, not often.


downvoted for announcing your vote


"Well you know the **really** weird stuff? Yeah, **Weirder** stuff."

*Edit* Fantastic, my top scoring comment is now about weird porn stuff...


>don't run

Yeah, don't be like that car you released the handbrake on.


$38,880,000,000 Might be the best one so far in the thread as far as monetary gain goes.


Excpet this has nothing to do with race, i decided to read the article for once. Apparently they were there to cover the meeting for an assignment, they were asked if they've ever been racialized, they weren't & they left on their own.

Wonder if I'll get downvoted for going against the circle jerk.


You can dunk the belt in the toilet.


We all like to finger your butthole when we masturbate.


It's crazy how he has such great hand-eye coordination, but it looks like he has never walked or jumped before in his life.


He pointed out three flags around a 2. I pointed out 4 around a 3.


I'm sorry if I was unclear; I tend to get carried off on tangents.

The hailstone simply forms *around* the frog as it's in the air, causing it to fall out of the cloud. It's essentially the same way normal hail forms.


edit: tired of retarded comments, just downvote and fuck off.


My boyfriend and I are both mechanical engineers. I like to tease him that he picked me by default because I was the only girl in the class.


Downvoted for making no sense.

Also gtfo out and do the rest of us subscribers a favor and rid us of your weird creepy awkwardness.


Hitting a little too close to home here.


I bet you enjoy showing your vaj off like that you little slut. You're just begging to be raped in a dark alley with a baseball bat because you know you deserve it and want the attention your daddy never gave you for being a worthless cunt with a pretty face and perky tits. That's all you're good for and deep down you know that's all anyone would want from a dirty gash like you.

meow.


You desperate lunatic... Nobody does that.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, somebody!


"Whiteboywasted"

I think I'll just go with a general ignorance for this one.


He already sounds like a fucking top notch cunt. Get that fucker a beer.


>Hit the gym more often.

Lawyer up.

Delete Facebook.


Didn't say you actually have to dive into it, just that you have to be able to survive doing so.


I left a comment somewhere below speculated that the best way to go about it would be for the OP to message us once they were finished so that the tag could be added. That way, we wouldn't have to make the call.

The problem would be getting them to message us in the first place.


You're a good person Bach


agreed, I hate talking to skanks who are pretending to be intrested in somthing they clearly arent. I just want to play street fighter, leave me the fuck alone.


> ... my uncle has a lot of handicapped friends who are into extreme sports.

This is a very interesting sentence.

EDIT: You gilded THIS comment instead of the one who said it? For shame, gilder! ^^^Also, ^^^thanks! ^^^:D


Choo Choo?

Edit: Downvotes, really?
Edit 2: More downvotes, really?


So country in fact that I honestly have no idea what a "skid loader rodeo" is. Nothing in that story made sense to me besides the crap talking.

EDIT: Of all the things I've ever said and commented on I cannot belive this gave me gold. Thank you to the gold giver. :) Made my day (two days after my birthday!)


That's pushing it a bit.

*Edit: Reddit, get a life. There's a difference between a stack of cards and something truly fucked up. The kid went back home to his functionnal family after this, it's not like he got his limbs crushed by an occupying tank.


YOU WHITE! YOU BEN AFFLECK!


Well now you're just getting mean, I thought 4chan was for friends, and for fun!


This call may be recorded for quality assurance porpoises.

Edit: Thanks for popping my gold cherry! This dolphinitely made my day.


bitchass nigger. fuck off. asshole. asshole's left nut. cunt. vagina.

cuntfag. fagcunt. hoedown. bitchass. limpdick. cumsandwich. shit mustache. strawberry shortcake.

i am dping your mommaaaa all by myself.


A very empirical, rational, and gay response.


Something something Chris Rock beats Rihanna


One man, Roy Sullivan, was struck 7 times in his lifetime. Thor clearly hated him.


Exactly. How difficult is it to spell that name right? Lazy.

Edit: Wow. -161, huh? That's actually impressive. Hilarious how defensive people get when you point out super obvious errors. Thin-skinned fucks.


Word of advice: Don't even glance at Youtube comments. Ever.

EDIT: Thanks for the gold, stranger!


Support how?  By reading stuff here?


Well it's a temperamental, territorial, flesh-tank, similar to OP's mom


maybe he should slip him a little tongue so his son knows that he really loves him?


I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THESE MOTHERFUCKING SAMURAI ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLAIN


Did Superman also get a blowjob from a fat intern and embarrass the country?
> edit: wow, I really hit a nerve! there is a lot of butthurt


Baby horses are foals. IIRC, to be a pony, a horse has to be less than 58 inches at the shoulder blade.


Why are you getting downvoted


Your friends are assholes.


a guy that used to troll in high elo since season 1. THe one who made the thread now tries to abuse that fact to make up random shit so everyone will belive him. What he doesnt know is that game was streamed with 600 viewers (by the senemy shen) . So now he will hopefully be known for a scumbag lier.


you're fucking crazy man


The guy probably posts on fatpeoplehate.
I hope McDonalds sues and takes every penny from this thug


"Honey, please stop pleading with the mirror for your life!"


I've read a few uefalonas saying the same so I had to ask, and I'm pretty sure uefalonas weren't joking.


"We'll tell him we're frightened and we have to go home" is the most underrated Seinfeld line for me.  I love that episode.


I doubt so. Half these niggers will die of AIDS anyway. Most of the 65K will be used up buying guns and importing KFC. What a colossal waste.


It stops when you orgasm, not 30 seconds after.


the "cumulative effect" is still peanuts when you consider that the earth itself is releasing these gases on a larger scale. You think the naturally occurring releases aren't also cumulative?


I kind of feel bad for her. I mean sure she was asking for attention by saying that, but she in no way deserved to have someone just take off her clothes in front of everyone :(


Obviously I'm new here and I didn't understand how it works.  I thought it was just another place to get exposure for blog posts.  gk128 is a piece of shit internet fake toughguy who probably rents the basement of his mothers house.  I don't care if I win him over or not. Now that I understand how it works I'm going to mock and torture him until he quits reddit forever.


The president must be so nervous right now...he just got a comment from shitty_watercolour.


Ive thought about it. I would probably apologize now, I guess. But I like to think I helped him a little. I guarantee he never took anything valuable to school again.


This is reddit. You all pulled this off by becoming the front page of the internet.

edit: I'm also hoping the administration was so responsive because secretly they're all redditors.


"sheth is a le manner bear xD so nice~~"

You realize he's a passive aggressive fuck who's playing the "nice" card so this celebrity dicksucking subreddit will keep him relevant, right?


>window shelf thing

[window sill] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Window_sill)


>Take away: Resistance fighters should use shittier phones for their IEDs.

FTFY


As a drummer for 21 years, I would like to extend some appreciation to you and all other bass players for holdin it down and keeping my groove in that fat, fat pocket.


You see, the clear approach and stuff, I'd love to be gay, all the free sex. No dates. No bullshit. No bills. No dinner with her parents. But I don't like fur and shit, unless you become a really attractive tranny I am sorry but I am not "coming on" to you.


That first sentence made me so nervous.


Star wars reference gets upvote lol


It doesn't just come in cans.

It comes in *Ameri*cans.


That's pretty irrelevant of a comment, but good job getting that karma.


This is the most country thing I've ever read.

EDIT: wow. it really is the throwaways that catapult themselves to the top of your comment list.


I dont even know what a 9fagger is. But I guess the hivemind has spoken and it's verboten. lol

Edit: on another note, it does seem with the fierce downvoting i did touch a pretty huge nerve. Sorry, the numbers speak for themselves. lol

Man, I wasn't even trying and I pissed off so many people. Fucking awesome.


You're welcome.

Wait what?


I doubt that pretty highly. Why do you say so?


Seriously that was some James Bond badassery.


only sometimes.

*(that was a blowjob joke)*


Ah. In that case, no worries. They probably had no idea what the noises were.


I used to like tupac, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


The key to being a slacker is not to do no work, it's to get good at doing your work as quickly and efficiently as possible - but telling no-one so they don't give you extra work.

Edit: Well this blew up. Glad to see so many smart slackers out there. Here's to us! And thanks for the gold, beautiful stranger.


Because sometimes we measure things in fractions like thirds, sixths, eighths, etc., which are just a major pain in the ass when you're talking meters.

One third of a yard is one foot. One third of a meter is 33.33333333333333333... cm. Which one's easier?


If you think I havent listened to Mambo No. 5 in the last five years you are sorely, SORELY mistaken my friend.


it's made of douchebag, sadly not a species in extinction...


You'll cop a good tutting if you cut the queue.


thats awesome, when did this happen?


Is your significant otter playful when wet?


WHAT!? My perception of appearances is my opinion!? How long have you been keeping this information to yourself? You gotta tell someone! Everyone should know!


The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist

Best line ever


I agree she was a little big maybe but she looked fine. It goes to show how insecuritys can go too far


this is probably the worst one out of all them on here, I hope you get murdered.


Except both of us! My mates gf us a kiwi she earns over 60k plus a car crash.  I remember the chapter but it's an impractical, but more neck and neck in the freezer the night was spent trying to say Costco too! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY


Strange name for a pet.


>tumblr
>gay fag


BUT WHAT IF THE CAN OPENER IS IN A CAN HUH?


Someone loves rehashed bullshit fed to them. Enjoy your shit.


Well fuck.

     -NASA


She's too busy making those Facebook videos for World Women's Day or whatever.

Edit: Wooooooooo, people are all touchy. Say anything about feminism in a neutral and non positive tone and you get jumped upon.


***TWIST AND SHOUT!!!***

Oh God.


Or a prsn hu lks 2 shrtn hs wrds.


Or exactly the speed of a burrito fired out of a burrito gun. Try to be precise, please.


He has not been on in a while.


Bob wehadababyitsaboy


I wouldn't squander it by giving homage to some superstitious nonsense if I were bestowed with the craft to do so. You see that's the issue here. The craft was the incredibly impressive feat. Turns out the human astronauts were actually worse than monkey astronauts. Imagine how ashamed they were in the Houston mission control center. They probably regretted not sending monkeys.


Hey, FBI? \^---- this guy


You hope his made-up daughter can get him more karma?  Me too.


Your friends' boss is A POS


I told a guy in R/Pics that he made me laugh and I get downvoted. You do it and get upvoted.

Reddit scares and confuses me.

Edit (at 170 down votes) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAUY1J8KizU&feature=youtube_gdata_player