i do this.  i was a third string goalie and didnt get to travel with the team.

"we" won a national championship.

you better believe "goaltender of an NCAA national championship team" is on my resume!

edit:  since many are curious, it was D3 Lacrosse.  dont want to share the year for privacy.  hope thats cool with yall.


Um, that wasn't what I meant, but it's all about sex with you lot. I meant even touching another guy is gross. Let's face it, gays are in the minority. And as such are fair game to be poked fun at. I find it gross, the majority of humans find it gross. You can't tell us we are wrong to find you disgusting. we are allowed to feel how we like thank you very much.


In hockey, Jaromir Jagr has been in the NHL longer than his team, the Florida Panthers, have existed. He also has more career points than all 11 forwards on the Panthers combined


I also spent 10 years with the OSPCA listening to the lame excuses people gave when they dropped off their dogs to us.


Basically negative pressure treatment is the shit.

Changing the canister however is not.
-wound care nurse

Edit: thanks for my first gold you guys! I just really enjoy the gross things of nursing.


I hate to be the one to break this to you. But just because their album sold well does not mean theyre popular. It just means the they sold more albums than everyone else at that specific point in time. This could easily just mean the competition was even LESS popular.


Once it passes the event horizon.


More like around town.


It's even worse when you're the person suggesting the video and it's *way* less entertaining than you remember.


And a big round of 'fuck you' goes to vapulate!  Congrats, I'm awarding you dick of the day!  That's a tough title to get around here...lots of competition.


Marry me.

Edit: *see's username..* Crap.


every smash game has a niche, that's why competitive melee is a thing...


Pablo was easily the best in the Backyard baseball/football games.


*"our downvotes will blot out the sun!"*

- Reddit


Do whatever you have to do to get better. I took a year off college and it was really good for me. Don't let anyone make you feel shitty about it. One day, they will have to deal with something that's crippling you, and they might not handle it half as well.


Yea, I think they're used to playing in the arcade or something.

Top-Notch Players, such as myself, know to utilize different sections of the thumb for each button.


Hell yeah! Whenever anyone tells me "Tony, men don't give birth." I'm all "yeah well fuck you, man."


Your comics are boring and suck. GTFO.


This is also what everyone should do in traffic jams. Constantly switching lanes is just going to slow both lanes more.


Is this an AMA or are you just dead set on commenting on every fucking comment in this thread?


Here you go. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxVg2GiQPv0


the joke --> *

             (-_-) <-- your head


Basically the Internet is what happens when two computers love each other very much.


downvote police must be on vacation today


Ding Ding, we have a winner!


Well, none of the Harry Potter movies have ever won.....then they slap some foundation on Streep and call is amazing...


It's a controversial practice in Norway; entering the Konami code on newborns gives them an unfair advantage in life.


Seems to have worked on you, since, you know, you paid the entrance fee supporting this massacre, you fucking inbred hick.


Most kids who wear Che shirts don't even know who he is.  He's more of a symbol than an actual historical person these days.


It's sad and sweet at the same time.

EDIT: this was the original post-> "this...this...D:"
the first EDIT was: "reddit, pls &#3232;\_&#3232;"


Okay, enough messing around.  [Here ya go](http://i55.tinypic.com/zmxqjd.jpg).


The only thing less entertaining than the show itself is this "drawing."

Classic copyright violation/piracy. It's already been reported. goodness sakes folks try to be original.

Irregardless, no 30 year old should be watching freaking cartoons anyway.

Edit: Also just downvoted because of the "pugs" involved. Crap overbread dogs.


The cops stopped returning Reddit's calls after /r/findbostonbombers.


I don't think anyone's saying that.  There are plenty of women who  don't spend their youth serving as fuck toys for degenerates.  There are plenty who do.  The comic is about the later.


See, this is why I want to work in a security camera office.


And you get some. Now I get some.


That's probably the worst part of the story, she probably makes the kid do it.


That gif is now probably my favorite gif of all time. I literally laughed out loud.


<Command not recognized.> Did you

know there are about 100 distinct breeds of

domestic cat? Plenty of furry love!


Wait, my magic has been detected? Why was I not informed. Tough crowd here


No. I think he'd be put into a psychiatric ward for thinking lawn gnomes were stalking him.


A joke typically consists of 2 parts. A setup and a punchline. I chose to deliver those parts in 2 separate posts.


you said Never-uary as part of the year..... lol


Give anything a couple years and you'll find a decent rationale for it.

Edit: Feisty.

Edit: Jesus, what did I say?

Edit: [Welp](http://youtu.be/j-fWDrZSiZs?t=43s)


The invention of the razor shaved the day


There was a hearing? How quaint. Did everybody give up on the whole black water aspect of this? Or how there was a post on 4chan detailing the attacks hours before they happened?


Yea, she looked embarassed and like she was thinking "what did I do to warrant that?" I wanted to say to her "hey, fuck those withered old bats!" but alas, I was too drunk to talk.


Fuck you, privilege denying piece of shit! YOu don't know what it's like to be a woman, and you never will. HOW DARE YOU tell me he's not a misogynist. You dont get to say what is and isnt misogynistic!


would be funnier if you said in nagasaki in whenever the fuck that happened


Yes. We served beer and wine, so drunken parents trying to bone in the bathroom was common.  Also, we had a room where we kept the character costumes.  People would try to sneak back there and fuck.


Do you think I give a shit? I can say whatever the hell I want and so can you, but do you think any of that is going to change any aspect of my life? Sure the fuck isn't. And I'm not going to repeat myself because I've obviously stated my opinion. With that, have a nice life.


GURL HOLD MAH EARRINGS


The First Amendment references the Freedom of Speech, and is founded on the concept of a "marketplace of ideas."

You can't sue the person for violating your rights under the First Amendment, but word-policing, and attempting to punish people for the things they say is very much antithetical to the amendment.


I can't sit down and write jokes.  I just flows in from some maddeningly elusive place.  Believe me if i had an alaska in my brain i would drill baby drill and I'd cum right on Sarah's  back while I was there.


God, is everyone in the midwest that fat?

*"and here we see the land whale returning from whence it came..."*


You mean all Germans aren't lederhosen-wearing, beer drinking yodelers?


LmAo SorRY tO BuRsT YoUr BuBbLe BuT NoBoDy CaReS !


So you'd eat out your mother for $1 million?


today. why does it matter? why is it reddit has to perform a fbi investigation every time someone posts something that might have been posted before? i thought this was trees not pics.


Like jumping into a pungent sarlac pit.


A lot of the humor in the OP is misogynistic. By starting a comment with "I'm a chick," you have attracted all the misogynists.

EDIT: To be honest, the post isn't strictly humorous; there's an element of vicarious catharsis for all the misogynists who are too afraid to do this irl.


I'm their father, and I can confirm that they do in fact have a sister with severe mental problems.

I'm sleeping with her tonight.


Ask me if I give  shit?


She only uses 800mb of it though


le :DDD

le reddit army

upvote for maximum le feels :DDDDDD


I'm not racist, but you're a nigger.


http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Trig_Palin - This is what the joke is referring too.


"Penis, what are you doing?"

"Dude, I'm going up."

"No, NO, penis. Not here. You can't play right now."

"Fuck you, dude, I do what I want. I'm a goddamn penis."

"Penis, seriously, you can't pop up here. It's not ok."

"I COME WHERE I GO, BITCH"


Watch out. You're about to be heavily downvoted, tagged, and ridiculed by people more "mature" than you exclusively for mentioning your age.


probably maisie teaching me to play fruit ninja and always beating em at it. how ironic


I think you accidentally a word there buddy


This needs to be the top comment. Seriously. We have a lot of responsibility here. If we harass him, it's almost certain he'll never do anything like this again. If we don't, and we treat him with respect and decency, he'll hopefully be more receptive.


That's a lowercase colon.


Not only should you take a seat when using the bathroom, you should try sitting on the toilet backwards. It's like having a desk in there, allows you to get so much more done


No I dont play games that get rehashed every year


What? [Like this?](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_QCcMTHCBJ4c/TTAlOEoYeHI/AAAAAAAAE1s/ilCzp-Nzlc4/s1600/Universal%2BCereal%2BBus.jpg)


Doubtful. Nipples don't just stay hard for long periods of time which would be inconsistent between takes. Pretty sure she/they just wore fake nipples, as stated below


honestly I think that having the pride to work for your money rather than give up and take everyone else's help is far less embarrassing. Have pride in yourself for being able to support yourself. And fuck your friend


"Forced"  This is 2015... Women put themselves out there too.


Yeah, he's pretty great at pvp.


Many thanks to you, kind person.


We don't want to hear your prison stories...


I'm stopping this, now.

Edit: I'm tried to stop this now. I've seen this joke done like 20 times on reddit already. Oh well.


Ah yes, the 3/5ths compromise.


If only you knew, but you continue to prove my point


Unless you're gay....


Prison is too expensive. If rehab can take place it can probably take place in a year. Either way they shouldn't be incarcerated longer than that. It's only assault and they're minors with reduced responsibility.


You are out drinking, go for a piss. Suddenly. Cum coming out. "Oh damn, took out the wrong penis again."


LOL even little kids can tell that religion is complete bullshit! Wake up sheeple!


Someone finally made a reference to my username!


I wouldn't consider that jumping to conclusions considering your non-ability to metabolize.  You're just jealous of all the people having fun while you sit around and wallow in your lameness.


BULLSHIT, I BET YOU CAN SUCK A GOLF BALL THROUGH A GARDEN HOSE!


i find this difficult but not impossible to masterbate to.


or "I'm a gynecologist, I know a cunt when I see one"


This, upvote to greatness.


If I were him, my bare ass would have been on that window in a heartbeat.


Lol no, goalkeepers are being teached from young age to raise a leg after they catch the ball in order to protect themselves... The problem here was that begovic was not in need to do it, which makes him prick but he's allowed to do it if he has control over ball.


That's it, right here. I have found it.

Plight of middle class.


I use to have a superpower, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


:) Awesome to hear, sir.


Ruining it because all you fucks need to not want to suck his dick anymore.


upvoted for tinkerbells's tits


I'll say what we're all thinking: Kiss her puffy lips down below hehe

Edit: who downvoted me below trashhold :(


You're making a really big fucking mess of my internet.


ya same reason i upvoted.


>She even had the nerve to ask me to loan her some money for food. Needless to say, I declined, but as a sign of good will, sent her a box of cream corn. She hates cream corn.

You magnificent bastard


Why are you on reddit? Shouldn't you be in the park feeing birds bread? Or dead?


I have a jazz album coming out next spring.


how fat and ugly is your wife?

ahahaha, christ. you are living probably one of the worst lives imaginable.


Its a rough life being a hospital, especially the only one in china.


C-c-c-c-COMBO BREAKER


>They were pissed at us

What the hell did they call DCFS for!? They should have just put him in the lost and found box so they could pick him up the next day.


"Multiculturalism" is a program of turning White societies into non-White societies.

Multiculturalism is a code word for White genocide.


I don't always like drawing accounts, but when I do, I prefer Sure_Ill_Draw_That.


ERMAHGERD, SERXY FERRY


"Yes, I do." LMFAO.

Why does this seem sexual to me?


... it is getting old


He shot us and left us in a snowy canyon outside of Boulder.  I was handcuffed to my friend, who didn't make it.  I had to free myself from my friend and climb up the side of the mountain.  Then I flagged down a car and the man took me to Gold Hill where there were volunteer fireman that gave me first aid and called police.


I appreciate the contribution minorities make to our culture.


OP should write back and say, "Sorry you have cancer. My prayers specifically requested that you be hit by a bus."


People just can't see a picture and say "I like that", though, can they? They have to point out what's bad about something before they can get anywhere near saying something good. To me, that is nitpicking.

Thanks. I would if I could! No money = no cake this year! He's going to have to owe me one ;)


"Garth that was a haiku"


Doesn't change the fact that he was STILL WRONG after I corrected him.


so your saying you can???


glad you all have such compassion for human life. hypocrites like you make me sick.


Theorning is a small gnomish farming village outside of Lairg in northern Scotland. They consume little old ladies, or "lols" when drunks cry and is only accessible by rainbow, Commander.


That.. sounds a like rapey to be honest.
Edit: Ouch guys, I was really just pointing out how it sounds to me. I get it, Reddit hates other people's opinions.


> I work on the station...

0_0


I'm replying to this post


I understand this reference.  I need to go outside more...


I don't have the expertise to sat whether you are correct or not, but you will be being downvoted for lack of citations, as much as any factual errors.


I wrote (with my partner Wallace Wolodarsky)  the episodes that introduced OTTO, BURNS, SMITHERS, ABE SIMPSON, KANG AND KODOS, HIBBERT, NICK RIVERA, FRINK, and hundreds more.   My favs are Kang and Kodos because I drew them.


Shes a statist hack. She only pretends to be for the people.


Maybe because it's meant to be watched in one second tops and not dissected like a frog in biology class.


Why? He's just a fucking athlete


He's outsourcing this problem to the adults.


That is an extremely boring and stupid story.


"Lol came here to say this" - Grampa


1. You had an au pair.  +1 to your faggotry.
2. You banged her  -1 to your faggotry.
3. You came on a US website and used the term au pair like I'm suppose to  fucking know that that means. +5 to your faggotry.

You are still in the positive level of faggotry. Now piss off retard.


I used to do this all the time to my [now] wife. She always loved it.

I didn't know I was a sexual predator :(


lol, good one. at first i thought the whole forever alone thing was facetious but the more time i spend on reddit the more i realize that most users here seriously are sad virginal fucks... seriously guys, "forever alone" thing does not mean being a virgin is now chic. you NEED to lose your virginity especially if your over 16...


They have an Emma Watson statue.

I'll take the chances.


are you married to Doink11?


lmao nearly shat myself.


this bot is actually getting pretty annoying


The daughter becomes the father.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Languages_of_Switzerland#National_languages_and_linguistic_regions

BOO HOO IT'S SO HARD FOR ME TO LEARN ANOTHER LANGUAGE TO COMMUNICATE WITH OTHER PEOPLE IN MY HOMETOWN. THEY SHOULD HAVE TO LEARN A NEW LANGUAGE INSTEAD. Fuck personal responsibility! That's their problem and their problem alone!


After 24 hours you'd fucking love it.


WHAT THE FUCK MAN?!?!?!?

LOL

NO.

She should wear a shirt and pants everywhere she goes.


That's what zero tolerance is about. They don't have to worry about who is right and who is wrong they just get to throw their hands in the air and say "sorry but zero tolerance, you're both punished. I don't make the rules!".


A captain never leaves his ship, right


You didn't include it in the story but I know you peed on her a little bit.  I know it in my heart.


Please, please, let Joe Rogan drop some knowledge about the "moon landings" in a scientific way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzlmBeSjrP8

Wake up, sheep!

Listen to Joe Rogan, he's always talking science.


4/5 users use the other 1/5's account


i didn't know we can haz blue please in here ^_^


http://youtu.be/QbZfY28ptv4 just truly amazing


Counter strike was originally free, or are you too young to remember that?


teeth in your balls. I'm done with reddit for today.


Maybe YOU aren't funny.


I think the first Hangover was at least worth a watch, but I think most people would agree that the sequels just shouldn't have happened.


Because they're wanting this game to be updated for years. Guild Wars 2 has the same model. It's a one-time buy in that has microtransactions so they can make money in order to continue releasing content updates. The new hunters/monsters are side-grades (or will be balanced to be). No, it's not the absolute best model ever, but for a AAA game it's not the worst by far.


*It's like talking italian.*


OP will surely deliver!


Did he at least take the dick out of his mouth when he called you a fag?


>Chrome is calling a spade a spade here, the software is malicious

When did I say otherwise?

>From what I gather you aren't informed of the Bitcoin mining.

You got that from me saying it has a miner bundled with it?


Baby otters are called pups.


But they don't have power over anyone.

Users can unsubscribe at any moment.

They can even make their own subreddit.


Get this man a Nobel Peace Prize.


Me too. And i'm pretty sure that a lot of women would do just fine at a construction site. But I forgot that reddit is strongly anti-women. So nevermind.


So are funerals, but that doesn't mean everyone should have to wait for Uncle Steve to finish giving his weird Dutch girlfriend the business before delivering grandfather's eulogy.


I didn't say it was right. I just said its true. Some women want the same thing from their man, too


As an Indian I am upset that my fellow Indians have left me out of this plan. I feel so offended they would do that. lol.


Would you tell Bill Maher that he's never allowed to make any public appearances anywhere ever because he uses certain language on his HBO talkshow?

Herp derp.


so the joke isn't that lesbians are stupid, it's that *straight* women are stupid? ah i see, smashing. thanks for the mansplanation.


That's probably what your dad was telling her.


thinking is for liberal satanist, if you don't like what i have to say you can just go back to where you came from.


I don't know about the ball, but he got bounced all the way to the parking lot.

Edit: forgot the word "way"


What would be your reasoning?


I'd rather stay home, actually.


I believe you meant: "haha good post sir, I commend your GIF making/finding abilities." ....ass


Yes, but only because he intends to move to releasing singles and EPs, since they will allow him to be much more timely, releasing parody songs when they are more relevant.


No, seriously, this doesn't contribute anything at all. I don't have the context to have any idea how the fuck you're using "empiricism" or "theorycraft." You're not actually trying to contribute anything, you're trying to express disagreement and superiority towards me so that people will upvote you.


Yeah, steal from a large, athletic group, warmed up and ready to run, who are wearing CLEATS. That's a fucking great idea.

I bet he had the worst bruises imaginable.


Merry Deadmas

Edit: You guys have no sense of humor


>And also 3-d, eventually.

[Me right now](http://i.imgur.com/YVtZ82Jh.jpg)


FYI passive aggressive little pussy, there are people who will break your windshield and your jaw when you think you're being clever.


Let's see, scroll through the 37 joke answers...dit-dit-dit... Ah yes, here we are. Someone actually trying to answer the question. Thanks for the info!


Yes, it does work. I guess I'll have to take pictures next time for you so you won't get so butthurt.


That was POTATO_IN_MY_ANUS


Wait, now it's sexism?  Are you for real?

Listen, the entire premise that somehow men are victims because sometimes people aren't crazy about looking at their cocks is ridiculous.  Calling men victims of sexism, ever, is just wrong.


I still don't agree that that's okay though. When sex is used as a bargaining chip that's not an excuse for cheating, its a reason for getting out of the relationship.


There's probably a joke in there about hipster jokes that you haven't heard of yet....just can't quite piece it together.


If you dont fuck up their martini they usually do.


Half-life 3 confirmed


I would forget my little cousin getting stung by a bee and dying.


Things will change as you hit 100.

But enjoy your time


He wasn't going to go the same direction


I am aware of this. I don't understand why you people think we don't know this.


"Bailey, who lives in Roseville, Michigan, and works as a janitor"

Ahhhh justice. The bully growing up to be a janitor with the victim growing up to be a world renowned multi-millionaire musician.


I personally just want the security code.


Major points on this...

Stipulating that the second sentence is true...why not just steal more?


Because you secretly probably love it.

Have you ever heard:

I hate dmb

I hate o&a

I hate tmnt

When you hate something you don't acknowledge its popularity by using an acronym.

Are you op?


Indeed. That Jesus fellow was all about hugs and hanging out with people usually shunned by the religious status quo. It's still nice to see some people following that example.


Exactly. If you get aroused then you obviously like it.


ABORT CLEAR REDDIT HISTORY I REPEAT CLEAR REDDIT HISTORY


Perhaps it's your subconscious racism, expecting black people to be 'different'. There isn't really anything culturally, and definitely not biological that would cause black peoples dicks to smell..


Don't forget to bring a towel.


MOMMMMYYYY!!!!! NO TOUCH VAGINIA!!!!! WEDDIT, WAT ID DA APETOL SCIENCE HANDHEWD POLTOL DEVICE?????? GOO GOO!!!!


“Children who have nut allergies need to be protected… of course, but maybe… if touching a nut kills you…you’re supposed to die.” - Louis CK


Really? It's quite natural, it's what happens after more than 10 floors of free fall.


Not to mention "average" people spouting off the fakest dialogue. "Yeah, it's been a rough year with my moderate-to-severe plaque psoriasis."


you're living on some weird planet there bub


*Mirror, mirror on the wall*

*Is my ass the best of all?*


You realize it is a movie and the director could have had milk or another semen-like substance in the scene from the start? It is ruined anyways by the fact that she takes a drink in the middle of her "joke". Took way too long and it was a waste of everyone's time.


"No raindrop think its responsible for a flood," said Albert Einstein.


You put a lot of work into this comment... have an upvote!


Your husband is a fucking class act. Never let that guy go.


oh u played them? youre on the broncos?


What's seductive is the way you say stuff. I got a mental boner reading that.


I can't hear you. I'm too busy sobbing about my series of 1's and 0's.


> Jenny went back over to Zack's house and they made out in there. They also had sex.

This too. I'm sad to say this, but I think it's a fake.

Edit to add this one:

> she had only gone to a hotel where the guy wanted to meet up for some kisses.

Just some kisses, eh?


Sounds like you were asking for it


Why won't senpai notice me?


No,  1800 > 1500. Engineers don't deal with real world, techs do.


>"Use your fucking turn signals *correctly and appropriately*".

FTFY


that's just... not true... us "SJW's" definitely believe that men can be raped, and objectified. its not sexism, but it comes from the same source as sexism


TIL some people can't read cursive.


Jesus christ im not saying that vaginas are locks. Im simply trying to explain the situation to degenerates like you that dont get what an analogy is


I PLAYED in and out of the NFL for seven years. Rams, Packers camp, Chargers, Redskins, Eagles. 1991-1997

Even had a stint in the World Football League in Dusseldorf, Germany in '95


What are you talking about?  Drake makes the worst posts ever.  Nothing he has ever posted is worthwhile.  Ever.


I was being slightly optimistic since this assumes the police find your corpse.


What does your comment contribute?


Living in a culture that practices no tipping, l dont really understand why do we need to tip. Didnt you get your monthly pay?


I just dont like the wording they use. What happened to global warming or man-made climate change. Climate change is a proven fact and there has been many ice ages and hot periods in earths history. We dont know if earth will get colder or warmer as of right now, there just isnt enough data.

Immediate risk my ass. Climate change is a very slow process.


No, it's because 7 ate 9.


How about waiting for a couple of days before trying to hit on her?


*checks calculator*

Yup


I saw it. It sucks and is wrong.


Don't do this.  My sister died.  *We didn't listen!*


Who says jokes have to be funny? There is a whole section of humor of the so-bad-it's-good. But that's a little more philosophical than I want to be re: your temper tantrum.


You should buy your own hairbrush.


> It's a pretty awesome source of cringeworthy shit (as if most religious texts weren't already).

Just like that comment.

Edit: YOU CAN TAKE MY KARMA, BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE MY FREEDOM


*Alzheimer's 3:* **Return of the Giggles**


Pictures of scorelines don't really count.


your IQ is like 40 points higher than mine!


People that edit Wikipedia lack integrity?


Is your mom Jamaican?

A few decades ago the US government spent millions of dollars convincing Jamaicans that powdered milk is healthier than normal milk.

(Coincidentally, that's also when Jamaica's dairy market collapsed and never recovered. They now rely on American powdered milk).


Aww, how cute, an SRSer doesn't want his attention. Trust me, you don't get any attention anyway by anyone.


the most depressing comment


Whynne has admitted that it really has less to do with the actual use, but that he hates reddit -- mostly for claiming memes, including trollface, their own. Whether reddit admits it or not, it is the asshole of the internet, with little to no original memes.


Maybe you shouldn't have been such a faggot!


I'm gonna go ahead and assume you are female.

Tit pics pls.


After being shocked by the news of a massive earthquake and possible tsunami.. Reddit proves far more valuable than CNN, MSNBC, Al Jazeera, or Russia Today.

Fox News need not apply.


didn't understand the downvotes and i know that reddit has lots of prepubescent fuchs... ( esp /r/cringe )


You're such an assymptote.


Oh, my bad. I didn't realize I had to put a period when I thought it was implied. Thanks a lot, bro.


OH GOD the condom broke! AHHH AHHHH AAAAHHHHHHHH*plop*


LOL REACTION GIFS SO FUNNI ITS JUST LIKE 4CHAN XDXDXDXD

**EDIT: DOWNVOTES? REALLY REDDIT?**


I will often tuck a bit of the blanket between my legs.


sure, okay, i see what you're saying.  do you have another name for socially mal-adjusted dudes?


Truly a bad ass.

edit: Someone just sent me a link to a sign generator he made... oh god. Check it out [here](http://www.dwightschrutesaid.com).


did it feel good?the rape i mean


Thanks! And sadly I know - story of my life


When she turned 18 we decided that if she wanted to live with us she had to pay rent and clean the house. We were being fair and trying to treat her like an adult.


The little wiggle it did when its service was rated 5 stars... it was ***SO PROUD*** of itself oh my gosh.

The cutest.


The 'o' is to reference someone else, e.g. "Yo hablo ingles?" ("Do you speak english?"), whereas the 'a' ending is self-referential, "No habla ingles." ("I do not speak english.").


You're done when reddit says you're done.


It baffles me that people can't figure out this simple logic, even when you tell them the answer.

If the baby's head is larger than his shoulders, then you will always be able to take the outfit off his feet, if you can get it off over his head. This is not rocket science, people.


Put a tube of red liquid in milk. It looks blue.

Edit: Thank god, my highest comment isn't "just in time to browse dank memes" anymore.


Or you could take the arrow out my knee and stick it in your bicycle spokes!


20, 0

Get on my level


Yes. They can. Just look at our president.


Wow man that is rough


I'm basing my opinion on over 40 years of knowing and working with guys all over this country. We moved around a lot.


Actually, I've never been nominated for an Oscar. I've declined other nominations, but never an Oscar.


> Just a normal day... Y'know, out blasting my T-Cells. Tum-tee-Tum.

FTFY


Why do you store them in the living room?


Watch someone else then. Or you can just keep on bitching.


Don't worry man, we all do weird stuff. Sometimes when no one's looking, I eat food with my knife instead of my fork.


Bible thingy? It's The Bible. You should really read it sometime.


Saw it with that silly 301 views


There's something wrong with you. You make me sick.


Came here to say this. Have an upvote.


I feel like that's a reference from an old Askreddit post. It is isn't it


Cool story bro. And I guess you're an engineer?


TIL Blockbusters still exists.

I have never seen one in my city.


Haha right the irrationality is understandable though, the cat is probably the only thing that is capable of showing love to this basement dwelling retard.


I really DIGG this response


I was instantly aware and annoyed. Didn't think it was that clever.


if they yawn back that means they already masturbated.  Don't eat the bagels.


What a prick, I hope he realises what he did 20 years down the track and an heros.


I prefer shirt or pant advice instead.


Yes im aware it's pure torture. That's why manning should have it denied.


Simmer down there, princess.


NOPE. Chuck Testa here


What the hell happened?


I like how you *savor* the cringe.


Being the woefully ignorant American you are, you really should just shut the fuck up.


Your kids are first

Edit: holy shit my first gold, why thank you kind person!


> Do you agree with legalization?

Anti-drugs campaigner here and police informant. I do NOT agree with legalization whatsoever. The solution is simple; stop taking drugs.

In any case those who take drugs probably do other bad things; it's like a litmus test; a simple law; break and you probably break other ones too.


Do not watch this film with your pregnant wife. Doing so will not improve your day.


no you nitwit. the woman in the video was in no way affiliated with the woman whose page I commented on, and the woman whose page I commented on has a long history of posting extremely misleading and lopsided anti abortion propaganda. this latest was merely the straw the broke the camels back, but thanks for attacking me in ignorance.


i study economics...this is a huge reason why employers dont want to hire women in that 'age range'. while highly illegal it is almost impossible to make a case against an employer.


Do you have an Irony deficiency?  Have you heard of someone saying one thing and meaning tha opposite?


Except there's a girl involved in this one.


Eh I think he'd most likely be okay with messages I have sent -- but probably not happy that I am talking to a guy who seems to want to get in my pants! Haha


It sounds like you ruined that guys life by kicking his soda.

Real smooth.


Your welcome and welcome in. there is plenty of food to go around. - Murica.


Perhaps it was shot by an Amazonian tribesman from a blowgun.


***U P D A T E***

-checks pulse...

**     Yep, Still dead.**


OH MY GOD, YOU'RE DAVID BLAINE! WHAT THE F


Learn how to read asshole.


Just make sure you're alone for the first viewing.


Pretty fucking sick if he's sticking his dick in that.


Well that's exactly how limited liability entities are meant to work.


I don't think you know very many women. Also, video game characters don't need support, do they? This is art, remember?


> what you describe is NOT the only Google experience

Well, he did say:

>Of course it might be different in other parts of the company


I did not pee that joke cumming


Pretty cool.  He's ALMOST as cool as Iron Man.  Oh, and also the Hulk.  He's even cooler than Thor.


Starting pg with 1 assist. 1.


They're coming, they're coming! The proletariat is coming!


False, because when you include my intelligence, which is infinite, the rest of the people in the world fall below the average.


I'm a newborn baby compared to most people apparently...

Edit: guys I get it, I'm covered in blood and vaginal fluids.


Denying a dude and saying he is nice is the worst ways to deny a guy. We don't want to hear that were 'soooo nice'.

That's like saying "aww you're such a big slut, I'm not interested but good luck on your adventures" to a chick


What she didn't realize was that you'd been getting a series of sex changes, from male to female and back again.


Thanks for supporting my right of free speech and first amendment!

Ron Paul supporter that wants me to shut up .... Irony? Being a Ron Paul supporter you should know better than that. We never shut up :)


A solo so good I went and found panties to put on, just so they could be blown off.


Yes, becuase I'm pointing a gun at his head so he "can't" enojoy what I do or do not. I'm just actively preventing him from enjoying this by disagreeing with him. This totaly wasn't me voicing my opinion just has he voiced his. By your own logic, I "can't" not enjoy something he enjoys because of you, asshat.

Also, fantastic comma you put before "asshat". Such grammar, so competent.


Have you tried homelessness?


I don't think nukes take up supply in starcraft 2.


Yeah, this is such an awesome video. Reminds me of my son when he got his first trophy in karate class. I was having a bad day but this video helps.


I want to be a part of this. So I'm going to comment.

Edit: The next person that says "choo choo" or "all aboard the karma train!" is getting stabbed in the arm with a fork.


Oh my god. Best comment combo I've seen in a long time.


When everyone in the world is in a room together, all known answers to all solved questions can be given without pause.


Considering how manipulative white people in power can be..

That wouldn't surprise me at all haha


I had a Jewish friend break up with a girl for the same reason. They were madly in love, though, and got back together. Only to have him break up with her again for the same reason.

That must have been an awkward conversation: "Sorry, but you're still not Jewish"


I was blunt, but certainly not an asshole.

However I don't think this is really the appropriate area to be discussing this in. Got a problem with me? PM me.


And you better learn to sleep with your mouth closed from now on.


Ouch dude that was harsh. No one deserves to be called worse than SupermanV2.


Clip for the lazy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBzwv057GPs


It's my 'U mad?' face actually.

:)


The fuck is wrong with people.


I wouldn't be surprised TBH. Probably FCC/Netflix shills pushing for Title II... oh wait, I mean "a little bit of Title II". You know, like how Obama became elected to *a little bit* of presidency or how ISIS victims are *a little bit* dead.


Not with that blatant use of smileys, you aren't.


Everything awful in the world.


His friends are fucking idiots, but apparently so is OP. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/nnozp/share_a_story_about_something_that_made_you_laugh/c3ain3p


I got halfway down before I realized you were a girl.

Then it got a fuck ton more sexy.

edit: -80? New record!


Bee Movie. I got to spend a full day with Jerry Seinfeld interacting with him. On the Shrek movies I was alone in a studio.


-4 pts? Most karma on this thread?! :p


I knew I had better wrestling than him so the game plan was the clinch and take him to the ground. That plan went out the window!


Realise you're joking.

The green is water luminescence as it relaxes after being hit by radiation.

Edit: As in the rest of this thread. Checked this out and there is a 420nm emission line in a non aqueous solution of a Uranium compound. http://pubs.rsc.org/en/content/articlehtml/2013/ra/c3ra22712j

So The above claim is indeed incorrect in the case of the Uranium glass.


Real artists write their own music and play their own instruments.

Beck survived until the year 3000 and played with a robot.

Kayne got fish dicks.


Been redditing for over half a year, this is the most true comment I have seen yet!


You seemed to have narrowed it down to everyone but my wife.


You're right, I am trolling right now, it's just a joke. I read OPs story and it is very sad, I hope they find who did it and the guys girlfriend finds peace.


I think the "reddit is a bunch of losers" theme is kind of over exaggerated because it's funny. People that are out "living their lives" can spend an hour here and there on reddit, too.


What does that even mean? Makes you look like a dick.


So...John...did you ever go by T-Mobile and upgrade that S5 to an S6?

No?

*Splash*


Back to church with you.


Can you even call that a penis?


It looks like she was making reference that she did not receive tip for serving white people 40 years ago. Surprised? I bet you are you ignorant mother fucker.


I hate this too because I don't even think I'm funny


Benneli

EDIT: HOLY SHIT

EDIT: NO SERIOUSLY, HOLY SHIT


> Nobody uses audio or video tapes anymore and a pickle makes an excellent flotation device


For every upvote I get, your crush will have sex with you.


I thought the best line was, "I love J date."

The revelation that they're both Jews kind of throws a new spin on the entire joke.


It did not.

EDIT Get fucked reddit!


Brilliant! I'll use my pinky finger since it's the least important one.


Only '90s kids got this


It's sad that more often than not having the word 'Freedom' in the title pretty much means the opposite.


He was.

[Edit!](http://i.imgur.com/Fv5lHpH.jpg)


Yeah, where the fuck is the rest


You're playing Civ wrong, bro.


this is my favorite so far. maybe we're finding out the concept of infinity is more relevant


That's not even the same breed of dog bro, wtf are you trying to say


I think the girls really caked on the makeup back then. Then there's the one dude who looks like he's 12.


How huge is your clitoris?


But...a tick! On his penis!


shes certainly not fat or ugly, but hot?  reddit nerd standards, i guess


To find people with nothing better to do than participate in a medical study? Is there any possible better place to look?


It's because of people like you that Reddit sucks so much dick.


He's missing his pet Bald Eagle, but yeah, we do.


I find it hard to believe you're much out of junior high, much less in college.


Knock knock.

Who's there?

Europe.

Europe who?

No, _you're_ a poo!


One we can throw Firefox itself in to? It was a bad idea when it was called Phoenix, in spite of the few good bits of code that have come of it it's still a bad idea now.


“Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?”

Sir Isaac Newton


Not sure why you're being downvoted. No girl is going to enjoy vaginal tearing from two hours of friction.

Even just moderately paying attention while having sex will alert you to the fact that she's not enjoying it. To keep going at that point might not be "rape", but it sure is rapey to keep having sex with someone that is in pain and not enjoying it.


And then he still gives no fucks. Keeps his cool and is honest. Awesome dude.


I think you need to shut the fuck up.


I thought we could call it r/egrets but then people who wanted to look at birds would have a sad.


I did leave it alone. I left it in the spam bin where it was all along.


OP please do this!  Many of the people who go above and beyond in the service industry.. especially hotels.. don't get enough recognition


Shut the fuck up right now.


Yea, people getting scalped is fun.


Honey, he's teasing you, no one has two potatoes!


You're living the dream son.


I'm a fucking gynocologist. You reddit fucks think you know everything. You just keep thinking you're intelligent i'll take my 6 figures and real knowledge. Fucking retard


I tried this too, but my arm gradually stretched to reach all the way across the room and hit snooze on the alarm.


Because when girls are dressing up as hillbilly zombies they're trying to look pretty.


> MantaTyphoon

OH YOU ASSHOLE. YOU MADE THAT UP. I GOT EXCITED.


She didn't have to do this if she didn't want to.


You should fuck his wife.


Here's an idea. Go around to the shitty poor parts of town, where the niggers and spics call home. Offer the adults $10,000 to get (permanently) sterilized. They'll take it, spend it on drugs, hondas, rims and chicken and shit.

Eventually it will pay for itself, the prison population and welfare niglets/spickets will drop by at least 75 percent.

**Economy fixed.**


YUSSS!!!!! Today just became 10x better. Thank you for obliging me!


ctual quote:
"... pot of coffee just like I like my women. Black, bitter, preferably fair trade..."

Not slaves. The OP is using it as an excuse to post racist BS.


Yes, I would like the most expensive thing on the menu stuffed with the second most expensive thing on the menu.


Oh, no. I already got it. Thanks, though.


Why in the world do I have a boner...why?


The fact that someone as shitty as you hates someone like me so much makes me feel really good inside.


"Our son is gay but we love him even more because he DOESN'T RAPE!"

I about speckled the breakroom table with a fine mist of half chewed burrito when I heard that line.


I don't respect anyone who gets a paycheck, but still demands tips.


unlike the twin towers


I wanted to write something clever, but instead you get this.


Have you tried turning your christian off and on again?


Thank you for pointing that out.


I was really fucking hammered one day and trying to get to see a friends band that was performing that night, but accidentally stumbled into a furry convention which was being held a few buildings down. I also ended up taking one of them home and having sex with them that night.

I found out the next day it was less of a furry convention and more of an animal shelter than anything.


I'll cheer if Michael Vick get injured, I still think its sickening he's allowed to play.


This needs to be higher. Going to Walmart to get your pictures developed the next day was always a huge part of any birthday party when I was young. Unless you were cool enough to have a Polaroid camera and the picture spat out straight away. I wasn't cool enough though, so having pictures developed was big for me.


He was asked which he prefers; KFC or Popeyes.


awwww past tense ;_;


I used to have a really hard to load UI, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


I'm going to live.  This is as close to travel and meeting new people as I can get now.  I'm sorry if that sounds dumb but this is my world tour


*ohhhh* the trolling purist...

your existence must be painful.


Can't sell what you don't have.


You are wrong. What is the differenc between a tablet and a phone? If I play GTA3 on my phone with a contoller, according to you its "mobile", but if I play it on my shield tablet, which has a larger screen, but same OS, its "portable".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mobile_game


Until one day...

Caller: Hello, this is...

G: You callin' 'bout the dog?

C: Yes. This is Dog.

G: ...

And thus a meme was born.


It makes you both retards.


Jokes on you, I have satellite internet.

Edit1: [You can't make this shit up, guys.](http://puu.sh/gFYlt.jpg)


what the actual fuck i did the exact same thing right before clicking on the comments

EDIT: okay cool, fuck everyone.


You pompous northern pricks


CSI: Harley-Davidson


And then you get thrown in jail if you try to delete the old save and start a new game.


I don't believe someone would post that to facebook. I think we're gonna need some proof here, or I'm gonna call bullshit.

EDIT: -39 huh(as of this edit). TIL there aren't as many guys on reddit that want to see a girl getting fucked in the ass as I would have thought.


"The more he fucks those fleshlights, the less he'll fuck my daughter."


Because its culturally expected, and its well you know, basic hygiene brah. I wouldn't expect a drop kick hippie like yourself to understand reason as you're ***seriously defending women who chose not to shave.***

Get whipped more, stay beta.


I call that Thursday.

Anyone wanna give me a hand with something real quick?


I read it, and while taking a dump is indeed good advice, it did not answer my actual question.

Thus me trying to get the info in there that was not in there.


Discovering?  More like creating


and here we see SRD again admit that they invade and derail threads in other subreddits


1) Be Handsome.

2) Be Attractive.

3) Don't be Unattractive.


Thank you. I was going to do this if you didn't.


Some men just want to watch the world wake up with stiff necks.


My wish is for everyone in that subreddit to have a kid. One that they can't have an abortion for and can't prevent at all. One that they actually have to take care of, that they can't pin off on someone else. See how all that negative karma finally hits them.
Edit: holy living crap guys, it was a joke! You all went ballistic over this. I really didn't mean for it to go that way.


No he's actually underweight. He looked pregnant before the surgery. He used to be athletic before he got sick. This is a result of a rare blood disease. I'll ask my dad what its called hold on.


Discrimination by skin color will only end when we stop acknowledging race.


Someone's chopping a hell of a lot of onions in my room for some reason.


So this whole post ends up being a plug for your friends company?


She said she got a static shock, but i'm asking myself the same thing

Edit: shock, not electrocution


The best player being an EG player, id guess if Thorzain or Demu won the best player would have won too :)


*Please, call me Tity Boi.*


kendrick is big news??


It's dark blue.  But I just vomited black blood like the lady in the french novel so now it is black.


pretty sure achievements arent that big of a thing for valve to be worry about. anyways who the fuck still cares about achievements ?


It's like he's playing mad libs on drunk mode.


Introduce Reddit to some further proof please.


I always loved homers quote:
"Why do i have three kids and no money? Why can't I have no kids and three money?"


I've heard every single possible lesbian joke there is 100 times. When something pisses me off and downright offends me, why would I take it as a joke just to placate the asshole that told it?


Go to the police right now and don't allow this to escalate.


fucking cunt, it's not a rape joke, fuck that bitch, and rape jokes are fun too


Plot twist: He is the pastor.


OP is just being a dick for no reason.

Of all the people to fuck with, he decided to fuck with someone for sleeping on a table? Do you not have worse problems in your life OP?


Nice try, Kris Jenner.


Photo is off Facebook, album contains a fair few pictures like this. All of tigers passed out and positioned for tourists to take photos with.

I'd really like to be proven wrong on this actually.


If you think that's depressing, imagine a man by himself at night quietly photoshopping out the thought bubbles in Garfield comics. Comic after comic after comic...


Good sir, explain to me how that makes it ok to have this percentage of black people incarcerated.

Perhaps you should re-read the very moving piece I posted, written by my close and personal friend, Russel Simmons.  The stat is a jumping off point for a very relevant problem in our great nation.


They probably didn't have the power to point it out.


>Though odds are im going to get quickly buried.

Downvoted. Don't play the pity card.

EDIT: bring on the downvotes, bitches


My god - you could have been SO TALL


That was an egotistical comment by Obama.  Yes, he won two elections,  but so did the guy before him and the guy before him.  Nothing special at all.  If anything, it says maybe he should be removed from office because  it sounds as if he planning on doing something so fucked up there's no way he would ever get elected again.  ( if he could )


"And here's where Beaverzilla fought Moosera"


Not to be an ass or anything, but the only person allowed to play in the NHL with a vagina is Sidney Crosby. No offence to your grandma.


colder than their mom


Everyone knows that. Noice one, m8


Just asked the girlfriend if she would ever attend a strip club with me... I now have burnt retinas from the glare she gave me


Why does every 12 year old in [/r/atheism](/r/atheism) think its clever to give a platform and a voice to their ignorant facebook friends?  Why are you people so fucking stupid?


Trey and Matt intended to censor Muhammad, it is supposed to be his power. Tom Cruise is also temporarily covered by a black box while exercising that power. In all the official releases the entire monologue about violence is replaced by text explaining Comedy Central demanded the censorship of that scene. This version leaked last year.


or find someone on the side who can give you what you're lacking...


Dont you just hate it when you send so much time and ask so many questions to get a proper medical history of the patients and it turns out they left out something really, REALLY important? Cancers, heart attacks etc..


ALL MEMES ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED.

And don't try to slide past the rule either by finding another shitty generic image and posting copy-pasta jokes with black-and-white font over it. If there's anything I hate more than memes, it's forced memes.


>fire·brand/ˈfī(ə)rˌbrand/
Noun:
A person who is passionate about a particular cause, typically inciting change and taking radical action.
A piece of burning wood.
Synonyms:
brand - incendiary -

So wouldn't that make you a faggot?


sexy af

edit: just got back from donating blood and came back to downvotes?? really reddit?


I shop at Walmart because the employees are dead inside so I don't have to make small talk.


If you ever find a way out of your lily white world, you may find this to be untrue.


So much more room for activities!


Okay, just don't use my submission as a way to bash the Tea Party. Even inadvertently. I do not approve of anti-Conservative circlejerks.


That's why it was always surprising to me that more guys don't know where it is. It's really close to where her dick would be if she had one.


Bunch of pathological liars.


> politely

Excuse me, madam...**thump**


go back to srs you self-righteous twit

Edit: yes mmm your downvotes are delicious,  I DEMAND MORE!

SRS totally isn't a downvote brigade, nope not at all.


"TIL Call of duty costs 2 cents per CD and sells for at least $60"

It's just loaded words against stuff reddit hates so it gets instant upvoted.


Yes because they *actually* murder people of the Jewish faith in cold blood.

Please shut the fuck up.


Oh wait, it's probably because the Patriots deflated them before the game www.hiyoooo.com


I would kill somebody who tried to "intervene" with me by fucking with my ability to get away.  That's kidnapping, and yes, I can legally kill you for that.  Try it.


I feel like I missed something here...

I mean, let's face it, Kubrik's best films put together don't hold a candle to Garfield 2.


Good, we don't want to play with a bunch of killjoy assholes anyway


Ok fine, hes sitting next to MJ and Gwens rotting corpse with make up and puppet strings.


So the tall kid let the short kid beat on him until the camera came on?  Then the tall kid started kicking the short kid?  If the tall kid wanted to fight that bad, and the short kid was already picking on someone else before the camera started rolling, they both would already be fighting.  It doesn't make sense.


Vagina Owner weighing in here:  I hope he's gay just so I feel better about the fact I would NEVER have a chance with him.  And even if I did, I feel like it would be an epic battle to the death between myself and literally every other girl he's ever met.


Dude you're fighting a losing battle in this sub anytime you say anything remotely negative about Tommy or that organization.


Oh no only $300 million :(


I'd like to see you do better.


"show me using the doll"


nah, he wants to play Zelda and post random stuff on [/r/gaming](/r/gaming)


\#justterroristthings


Plenty of Western countries don't expect students to pay massive amounts for their education. That's more or less an American thing.


I was born in communist Poland - we all thought that America was a paradise with naked women on billboards everywhere; a place where everyone is rich and plays with legos all the time.


Look closer and think about it. Could have ended badly


I went through the same.  If Catholic school taught the bible so literally fucking bio would have been a lot easier.


I get with girls much faster that way. As far as I'm concerned, reverse smileys = reverse psychology. Words of wisdom, my friend.


I give the really hot ones a good deal if they do not have hardly any money and Im horny. Yes I have hot sex outside of work, atleast twice a day. Morning and night.


Of course you've got nothing...you're a bigot coward who was molested when they were younger...hence, you're now acting out.  It's clinical.


A woman hitting you playfully means you did something right with your joke/story.

Source: I love puns and bad jokes.


It's called a bowl, asshole.


I think it's more sketchy than creepy


Do you eat meat?  Wow you're an even bigger asshole.  Shut the fuck up faggot.


> Actaully American's aren't the worst

I hope he doesn't say Irish....
>
> brits on the other hand

.....Phew!

> I knew he was brittish cause with a very thick accent he told me to : "Feck off".

Oh no...

EDIT: Thanks to Murrmeow for the
gold!


She's not great looking, and he's not bad looking.


I Guess Jay Z finally reached a milestone with his '*problems*'


He should've stopped, locked the doors, and called the police for assault.

Your aunt's a cunt.


you're awesome, just don't bring up rampart!


he was talking about me holding my breath as i sniped...you dee dee dee


When I was growing up there it was a very violent environment. It wasn't constant, but it was often enough and unpredictable enough to be very destructive. It is my opinion that this is the primary reason my siblings stay there and parrot my old man's theology.


my friend showed me a mitch hedgeburg cd and it was funnnnnnny. got HIIIIIIIIIII just like mitch!!


"I don't think you're putting enough thought into this dialogue, George Lucas" - Any Writer


Yeah, but you're describing homos.


"Why did you have a gun Dale?!"

"I'll be honest. I....I kind of misunderstood what it meant when I was told we would be fighting diseases."


Keep dreaming, pussy.


This is why I love being gay so fucking much. Whenever either of us complains, the other one goes into solutions mode. It also helps that my boyfriend is really smart and very good at explaining things calmly without being condescending.

So my hack, I guess, is to be gay.


Your fault for being in the army, you're lucky she wasn't cheating before you got back.  Oh wait, who am I kidding, she was.  100%.  It's the mlitary wife rule


> Then have two gay strippers burst out of the coffin and start making out.

We have a winner!


great security. a forever alone acne ridden teenager


This relationship would be perfect.


If that's what a rap video is im glad I hate rap


Tripoli?  Aint that in one of them brown countries?  I'm on to you muslins.

Roll Tide


Obama said " justice will be done." more empty promises from a 1 term president caught with his tail between his legs.


He pointed to another city!?


Do we really need go through this? You can tell that dishonored took hugely from bioshock. It's also hardly a well imagined setting. Bioshock was a twisted 1960s. Dishonored is a twisted 1860s.


And your ass shut tight.


I'm sure this post is what will drive them to suicide.

I know I would if "butzsecs" told me I was dead to them.

Thanks for your service.


Upvote if you think Snooki is attractive.


Maybe at the time, but he's been endorsing Red Bull for much longer.


Badgers are judgemental as fuck.


Whoever messaged you is probably from 9gag. UPVOTE THIS IF YOU HATE JUSTIN BIEBER!


Im proud of you for getting the help you need. Stick with it!


lol no, I payed 100 gold for mine and it will not happen. It is the show-off I payed for. In wvw however, it should be turned off when not interested in commanding.


THE MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL


a totally new-hyper super TI5 winning strat! But then Envy acting like a moron and no consequences for him?

E: well I guess I should apologize about my reaction. My emotinal state was a bit off place so I guess I overreacted ( making myself the moron here ). Sorry for all the mess


Maybe she thought you were Lebanese?


     ,                                   ," e`---o
    ((                                  (  | ___,'
     \\~-------------------------------' \_;/
     (          comment archived           /
     /) ._______________________________.  )
    (( (                               (( (
     ``-'                               ``-'


/r/raisedbynarcissists

Edit: obligatory highest rated comment edit.


If I wasn't supposed to kill you, then why am I able to do so?

This is just like people on arena complaining about capping the point. If we weren't supposed to, then why the fuck is it there?


You forgot to add Dr. Phil


Don't hate the player, hate the game


You're thinking of the KKK.


Trannies get treated like shit because you're a bunch of sick fucks. I've never seen a tranny yet that could 'pass'.


I feel like I should down vote you as my selfish, impulsive argument is detracted entirely by your introduction of facts, you selfish piece of shit.


Because he will actually bring fucking leadership

Barry
No cabint meetings in last year
No job council meetings
Missed fucking half of his daily intel briefings
Today in doing a fundraiser n vegas in the aftermath of a AQ attack

You are a fucking asshat


Sounds like my ex wife.


whereas that incident was actually months ago?

edit: you humourless cunts, what's happened to this sub?

editedit: I take it back, you're not humourless.

editeditedit: You're doing it again! haha ffs

editediteditedit: I don't see how you could take offence at this, unless I'm right and you are.

Return of the edit: Are there a lot of Americans in?

/going for it.


9/10 Would mumble "what the fuck" to myself again.


I'm inclined to believe that is merely a typo and is not indicative of the gender in question.


I'm marshmallow, you're Hershey bar. Baby let's make a s'more.


This guy seems like a real fucking douchebag to me. I'd punch him in his stupid bald face.


Because you're going to whittle a wooden knife using.... Your knife?


haha doubt it. anyone who listens to shit like Flight of the Conchords is probably a neckbeard who wears glasses and thinks that they're "classy" and ironic because they wear a fedora. Can't expect you to get any girls, buddy.


You managed to kick someone who wasn't even on your team.


We don't do any of that, and I don't feel comfortable with that.  Honestly, it would be very awkward.


Napkins? What are we eating?

Edit: Wow! Thanks for the gold, Reddit!

Edit 2: Wait, gold didn't just magically appear. Isn't that how this works?

Edit 3: Wow! Thanks for the gold, Reddit!


only the obama admintration would allow somethign as stupid as this to happen. worst president ever


Having your boombox require 6 batteries and draining them in an hour of playing your mix tapes that you carefully recorded off the radio


Leave him alone you bullies!  The up arrow doesn't imply roflcopters!


It could be worse.  They could wipe them out with the coverlet.


Don't speak for me

Marajuana is illegal. Right or wrong. If you violate the law willingly then you have shown that you cannot abide by our social contract. As such you are not entitled to the rights and privileges of our society.


Evian *isss* naive backwards.


im not a troll ppl r just rude


The catch: she's ugly as hell.


*twangs a rubber band in your eye* Don't you know sarcasm when you see it dumbfuck?


WHERE DO YOU PEOPLE FIND THESE EVENTS!

I'VE BEEN WATCHING SWIMMING AND GYMNASTICS FOR, LIKE, A WEEK NOW!


You're still horrible and fat.


That's just priorities, dude.


LOL!!! I guess I am yet to learn Reddit Etiquette!!! You learn from your mistakes!!! Peace brother!!!


It just makes that sweet ppssshhooooo sound from Goldeneye 64.


Quit riping on NBC about spoiling! FUCK! Don't get me wrong, I'm pissed about their live TV coverage but ...

ITS 2012, UNLESS YOU LIVE UNDER A ROCK, LITERALLY ... YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BAD TIME!!!


Wait until noon. Climb ladder. Burn.


HI WEDDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUS HAD DA CERWEAL WIT DA BWEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANA PWAY WIT MY BRODER, BUT MOMMY SAYD DAT HE DYED!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT OK CAWSE I GET HIS ROOM SO I HAPPY WEDDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Calling it, 97% of posts in there will be of redditors' babies doing stuff for the first time. Make a "Baby Monday" rule or something like that.


The disc took an arrow too the knee, but the arrow has herpes! dun dun dun


"I put the seat up so I don't piss on it. You can put it down if you need to." Oh boy that got me in the dog house. Now I put the seat and the lid down every time. Happy now? We both lose.


Oh lookie here, it's the queer eye for the straight guy.


Well if you are one of 7 billion people in the world and that is the one and only weapon you can bring to the fight, then I say do what you do.


>implying anyone cares about foreigners


you couldn't pay me all the gold in the world to shake a muslim's hand


wtf? since when were u made redit police? if someone made it they should be happy taht someone actually pposted their stuff on reddit or 9gag. not everyting needs a source jeez louise :/


By being friends with the country with the most ships.


Again with the werds, oy. Look, I know you've convinced yourself that aaaalll of that shit is true, but out here in reality land, everyone's laughing at you.


You need another one named Thorin Barkinshield.


There are 2 types of people in here:

1. People who think there is a problem with Dotas economy
2. People who are retards.


That's weird, this just looks like your standard "End of Days, Repent for Your Sins" apocalypse


Is an improvement damage? I tore up a copy of The Daily Mail the other day, this improved it greatly.


I just laughed myself all the way to the sink.


Then you have an easy life.

Your battery life sucks.  You are tethered to an outlet constantly.  Note 4 has a terrible battery life.  All devices do.


Ahh Redditors... Calm down.


So would you call the joke...two tiered?


No surprise there.  Because Naniwa is a KID .. impulsive decisions then regrets it after 5 mins.  Idiot.  I wish the crowd should boo him again, since he acts like a kid.  The crowd should act like kids too.


This explains so much.


As they were not shot at I'm assuming not.


The odds are good, but the goods are odd.


Gorilla ball? Seriously?

We're trying this thing out in 2015 called advancement, thanks.


**EVICTED, BITCHES!!!**


i dunno assuming that OP is straight then its perfectly reasonable for him to expect to stick things in his GF without her sticking things in him


I teach third graders.


The tone was obvious though


You don't have pennies? I get Canadian pennies all of the time in our cash register in the U.S. Haha


Yes. A professional athlete who spends all day exercising > regular girls who live normal lives. Fuck you.


I sleep like a baby all the time. I wake up every couple of hours screaming.


Nobody said different champ.


http://i.imgur.com/85DSn.jpg

edit: put up a tidier version


Finding this funny is not allowed apperently, so this was by far one of the worst jokes that I have ever read, not even a slight chuckle

Edit: typo. All the downvotes are because I miss speed one right?


Yes, alllllll the time. I have orgasms if the guy is doing me right


you're entitled to your opinion, but i'm not sure it's a reasonable one.  no debate, really.  respected sports journalist ted miller (one of the best in the business) agrees with me.  the game was over.


Also, when you come in late, don't fucking walk to the front of the room and sit down. Sit at the back and be discrete about it.


You mean that you tried to take control of the sub away from the owner and everyone made fun of you for being such a douche. You weren't mad about the bullying you were notching that people were putting pictures of fedoras on things. Your "big" exit post you made was about how the quality was declining.


"Hospital announces new covered parking area"


only on reddit: the goddamn president of the united states, "leader of the free world", takes thirty minutes out of running the fucking country, and people bitch about the questions he answered.

edit: "leader of the free world" now in irony quotes.


No he's just a headache pretty boy cunt... A lot of players have the talent.. He's just a twat that's why he's "under appreciated"


"...so then we built *another* hospital, and that sank into the swamp."


questionably... depending on your morals Edit: 65 downvotes holy shit


***C O N F I R M A T I O N B I A S***


like dis if u cry evry time


Disregard women.

Acquire Nirvana.


You don't need to count calories. Just eat a normal amount of proper food.


I hope my g/f never gets a Jurassic period


Your shitlording is sub-par. Much improvement needed.


Yes, she does her own makeup. I check that it's tidy, she puts too much on in some areas by accident so I fix it up.


I've been absolutely bingeing on The Office lately. I adore Michael Scott. And Jim. Especially Jim.


Well if that's the way you feel, then Soviet.


the cinderblock was inside the mailbox not in the road &#3232;\_&#3232;


"You saw this guy? Aren't you going to defend me?"

"But sweety, he's huge and it looked accidental"

"FIGHT HIM OR I'LL LEAVE YOU"

"Okay..."

....

"You're such a loser. It's over."


I am me
I need no false title nor third parties, but apparently you do.


Oh no, I'm quite worried about my death, I'm not so moved by yours.


>I remember her in knee length skirts, velcro sandals, with a satchel across one shoulder

ewwwww

/r/femalefashionadvice


Not very impressive, even a baby can do that.


remember when you traded harden for a washing machine?


This too. This thing crippled reddit for about an hour and a half. Honestly, it's amazing that the President managed to get through enough to post what he did.


hahahahha "Study hall"? "supervised"? That school sounds lame.  We used to get drunk and stoned during "study hall" (We called it "spare").  Amazing how similar rye whiskey and iced-tea look when the rye is inside an empty iced-tea bottle...


I upvoted you because, after reading a shit-ton of comments, you're the only real professional window washer I've come across.


He was moving, though.


Kind of like how life is like Tetris.  "Your errors pile up but your accomplishments disappear."


TIL Hoosier is a state in the USA


Reddit: Lawyer up!

Lawyer: Don't listen to Reddit.


Not quite, but it got a laugh which led to getting her number. Somehow she was willing to look past my disgraceful grammar.


shout out to all the pears.


Up-voted, then I realized you weren't talking about Obama, un-up-voted.


Watch the movie "This Film is Not Yet Rated" for insight into how television and film are rated, censored, and skewed towards being okay with violence and not okay with sexuality, female sexuality in particular.


i don't understand why you don't have more upvotes


To be fair if I were a train engineer, that would brighten up my day.

Just the thought of a group of hairy obese men hanging out when one turns to the rest and says "hey, you know what we should do?"


They won't. I'll be surprised if they do better than they did last year.


Similarly, people who feel the need to sign everything with an X
>Ugh, Mondays! X

>Can’t wait for the concert tonight! X


oh, just shut up you faggot.


how many accounts did your right hand make?


I cannot upvote this enough. Im dead over here. +10000000000


Some are so intense that my vision gets a little weird. Some cause me to curl up and hold my head and cry from the pain of the headache that follows. Some are so lacking intensity that they feel more like a sneeze. The really, really good ones will make me taste blood--tiny tears in the throat from the vocals...


No one cares who laughs at this sub or what sub is considered a joke by who.

Please stop violating rule 10.  If you want to parrot a bunch of negative statements about this sub, you'll need to do it elsewhere.


I remember COUNTRY MUSIC kept showing up.  That or HOCKEY.  Least favorite categories.  Basically anything with a mullet is my Jeopardy kryptonite.


"As a drummer..." Hey guys, OP is a drummer! That's something to be really proud of. You're so cool OP, I wanna be a hack musician just like you.

WATCH OUT GUYS, WE GOT A REAL PRO ON OUR HANDS OVER HERE.


This is the first truly acceptable use of that phrase ever.


That's loser talk. Winning IS fun.


I think all he really wanted was the bunny.  To paraphrase, "This bunny will get me kitty."


I've been working with computers for 8 years. I'm 16. Pretty sure I've known what a IP address is before you noticed your balls dropped little boy. GTFO.


You classy son of a bitch.


You're wrong.  The driver would have been just fine.  That's what __crumple zones__ are for!


And you get paid for that shit.


to bad he will never be anything but a defender, he has one of the worst shots ever


This one could go either way.


> I feel safe. But that doesn't mean you are protecting me. This strong community of over 4000 readers does it.

And when the 4k numbers are outnumbered by an outside force?


Rich horse girls are bad crazy. Horse girls who have worked to be able to have their horse they always wanted once they have the means to... are ALSO crazy, but in a more grounded, kinder way and tend to post less pictures.


I didn't, it was a joke that you obviously are super butt hurt about.


My wife did not enjoy this one.  :)


> The Undertaker was still able to go back then

What makes you think the Undertaker can't still go? He got a concussion in the early stages of the match vs Brock. Then continued to go for another 20 minutes. You're all fucking simple if you think that match means he can't go anymore.


In a similar vein, I had a kid in my class who would always take magic markers and combine them into a sword (you know what I'm talking about), but the last one would be a red marker with the cap off. He would then go around "stabbing" people so that they "bled".

He lost marker privileges after he stabbed me in the eye.


I have been getting that feeling.


I like [this cute pic](http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/058/3/1/welcome_gimli__son_of_gloin__to_valinor_by_heathlynnn-d5wftpr.jpg) someone did, showing an aged Gimli reuniting with Galadriel in the west.


Jesus, what is it with Reddit having a boner with mustaches? I get it, it's SO RANDOM xD!! GENTLEMEN SCHOLAR HURR DURR I AM CHIVALROUS GOOD SIR.

Seriously guys, "epic" beards and mustaches is the kinda shit high school freshman think are funny.

inb4 relevant username.


And it becomes white when we jizz it out.


If by great you mean fat, then yes.


"Chicken parm I hate myself"

EDIT: Thanks stranger!


cat*'s* shit, you stupid faggot.


Jet fuel can't melt motherboards.


Fuck you. Mikespurs (whoever he is - never heard of him, but he sounds like a douche) is not the arbiter of what does and does not get to be posted. If you really want to post the vulnerable details of your personal life to anonymous people over the internet, you have to be ready to take the good with the bad. Otherwise you're simply deluded.


So, perfect for wood then?

EDIT: Broke my gold cherry on a sex joke! Sweet! Thanks!


So then why did he say "natural 20"?  Skill checks don't care about the natural die rill, the modified roll is what matters.

You people make me sad.


So bees making Honey is exploitation. This is as opposed to letting the bees do what they want.... Making honey!


Well I imagine as a Saints fans you have to gloat; you'll be off our radar in two years time when you get relegated. Fair play today, touche and well done, disgusted with the United performance, that's the thing though our future is surely brighter than your now, hell it'll be better tomorrow, but well done


Gold for this?

*Gold*... for *this?*

Edit: Gold? For this?


the context makes it abuse. not putting the child down until he apologizes and repeating "say you're sorry".


That's pretty amazing, what country/state did this happen in?


Nobody cares who you saw.


Either Boobs, Gore, or any other various amazing things.

They're all worth the risk.


That is more stupidity imo.

[This is bravery.](http://www.bemorehealthy.com/CaliforniaDays/CalFires2003/fireman.jpg)


Is your mom a spider?


All of my upvotes. Take them.


Goddamnit now I want a blowjob...


Hmmm... are you really trying to understand what I am saying or are you just asking the question with trolling purposes?


Perhaps there was a pizza eating contest and first place was a generous cash prize but second place was the desk. He now carries his desk home in shame and anger at his gf for suggesting the contest.


Who the hell buys clothes at Target? Might as well just buy from the Salvation Army -- at least they have higher quality stuff.


r/askreddit: "What did you do during the blackout?"

r/pics: "Hey reddit, look what I made during the blackout!"

r/WTF: "I went to 4chan during the blackout, I don't even..."

r/AdviceAnimals: "Blackout Bat" meme takes off.

r/politics: "The blackout wasn't enough, we need to black out congress"

r/funny: "My (.gif) reaction to the blackout."


how desperate do you have to be to apply to a fucking thrift store, geez.


US: Surrounded by two massive oceans. Can't avoid world wars if we tried.

Switzerland: Right in the middle of Europe. Somehow remains neutral.

We need more mountains...


happy cakeday! hehe...my second shoutout today and ever...i'm on point right now


Cumberduct Bandersnatch?

EDIT: Thanks for the gold! Did not expect that!


Downvoted for useless links.  Links to previous submission are acceptable if they have interesting comments.


And with a higher resistance to salt!


Don't worry, douchebag....your lack of redditiquette will garner massive karma.*(oh and look - what a surprise.  Fucking reddit - so endlessly full of retards).  But you knew that.

sobrave.jpeg (amidoingthisright.gif?)

/looks at comment history. ohai sockpuppet!


Just like the first time a human, leaning over a lake's edge to drink some water, sees her reflection and in that moment knows of her own grand existence.

Except different.


You act like human behavior is severely diminished when not in person.


The most eloquently stated tale about a big black dildo I've ever had the pleasure of reading.  You weave a fine web, good sir. Kudos.


nope.. it's a bug on dota since 2 years now


My father was a murderer

My father was a loan shark

My cat knows english


Yup, and you're all no different than me! Isn't that great?

It's hard to claim the high ground when you're willing to throw away the rules just as quickly as me.


Aww, thanks CuntSack.


Clever retort, ol' chap.


I think it's more like 3<


They just try to talk people down.  For those seriously interested in suicide:

http://www.reddit.com/r/guns/


Damn, that's good. The second thing I thought of was "egg factory". I need you with me at all times to make important decisions.

EDIT: As Thetomas pointed out, I should just buy you and force you to work for me. You now have no say in this matter, slave.


That's fucking patronizing. YOU should feel bad for doing that shit. It's disgusting.


As a friendly fast food worker, I'm hurt that you assume things :(

edit: lol this comment pretty much doubled my karma.


I can't actually recall any games which limit you to this. Three or four, yes, but not two. I think you're just forgetting things such as grenades and explosives.

EDIT: So much butthurt.


What a nice kid. Trying to make her laugh.


Well, like I said I have a 100% personal success record in avoiding both suicide and depression. Seems my credentials are better than a subreddit full of medicated suicide-fetishists.

All most "psychiatric" problems need are a kick up the ass and someone to yell "**snap the *fuck* out of it. there's a world out there**".


╔═════════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ════════════════╗
 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Repost this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong terrorist ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who don’t need no internet ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
 ╚═════════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ════════════════╝


I read that too! And thanks!


Keeping it low key, I like it.


downvoted for repost.


It's been an hour since you posted the comment and no one has called you a Jew yet.

Things are looking up.


And now I'm going to downvote you for being a whiny bitch about imaginary internet points.


The material cost is such a stupid way to measure headphones. The R&D beforehand is a massive investment for audiophile grade stuff.

It's like with pharmaceuticals - the first pill cost $200 million and took 14 years of research. The second pill cost .02 and took three seconds.


Shut up and take my upvotes.


Nah, you gotta get your head covered too, just leave a little tunnel to breath through, and you're good to go.


Dark humor only comes to a few people. I myself am a fan of such humor.


Hmm, good point. Maybe we should change the spelling of it so that it's clearly the past tense version of "read"....maybe red it? No, that looks like I should color it...."redit"? Nah, that could sound like 'reed-it' because of the i....Ah! we should add an extra consonant! "reddit"!

...wait.


Yeah, I'm an asshole. I'm not gunna deny that.

For some reason teenage girls posting pictures of themselves to strangers on the internet is just a pet peeve of mine. It reeeally irks me.

Also sometimes you gotta be an asshole to get your point across, especially to a teenage girl. They can be the most stubborn of all.


I hate it when people act differently with someone else than when they're around you.


I type facts that people are uncomfortable with. Do you think I wasn't prepared for someone like you to try to change the subject? So predictable.


she'll be there 5ever


Well Snooki (who wants smoosh smoosh) and the other main characters are leaving so it feels like it's canceled.


Are you somehow implying that this could have been *staged*? I will not hear of such nonsense.


No, really, he is; the deliberate attempt at genocide by the Nazis can't be compared to the largely accidental death through disease of so many Native Americans. There *wasn't* a large-scale adoption of a policy, the deliberate aim of which was entirely wipe-out all Native Americans.

That's why your father is a thick twat. You too, it seems. Like father like son.


A dog's body actually has a way of knowing whether or not it's legitimate trash eating, and can shut that kind of thing down.


...I was talking specifically about healthy people, not the guy in the video...

W/e, why take a second to consider what someone else is actually trying to say and having a conversation when you can just be an asshole, downvote, and move on!

Have a nice day.


Seems like a rational fear unless you don't have balls.


Agree. Didn't think the footage looked any better than 360. It's sad that the wii was already an underpowered system 6 years ago compared to 360 and ps3, and this new one will still not even match their power. When they come out with the new xbox next year it will leave wii2 in the dust.


Are you sure you didn't accidentally fuck a $2 grilled cheese while you were on acid?


Because as a Pakistani you can't digest Indian batsmen record. Cry out loud.


Honestly, just get a G1W.

$60, 1080p, can wire it so it starts recording on ignition, auto-saves in the event of an accident...


I love walking super slow when people hold the door for me. No one ever gives up and just walks in. They think I'm retarded.


Honestly, just found it, wanted to give people a laugh, couldn't think of a title. Strike me down with your downvotes of shame, I deserve it :(


ŦԺსe

ⒺⓓìȾ: ȶḦλͶƙ⒮ ❹ Ť♄€ ℊΘℒƊ✪


Whatever, it's your funeral.


"Did you kill my husband?

"Yes, I did."

/leaves out the important bit where her husband tried to eat him alive.


listening i am not when you say


Well-played mysterious ex-military father.  Well-played.


THANKS for being a faggot and not contributing anything with this comment. All your doing is kissing up to the top commentor to try and get upvotes. FUCK YOU COMMA WHORE.


Worst threesome ever.


LPT, get out of IT ASAP.  Source: stuck in IT for a decade at a firm with heavy tech usage, and being treated like a migrant strawberry picker the whole way through.


Everyone uses the shoe strategy.


OP, when grandpa dies, are you gonna burn him into ashes or just stick him in the ground? Legit question yo


I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.


I [srsly](http://i.imgur.com/cDMDn.jpg) hope you are joking


I have no time or respect for non famous people - AMA


Unapologetic ignorance. Admirable.


Some say she's still living there.


Old but still 10x better than the comic.


Write properly next time.


For a second I thought "mango" was some obscure racial slur that I hadn't heard before.


She should try /r/gonewild instead of this


Pearl Harbor - Only the 40's kids will remember


You pretty much just summed up the content of Reddit.


You don't know me and this is crazy but.. your vagina stinks.. so wash it maybe?


thats exactly what I came here to say.


I had a girlfriend that would do this, too.
One day though the call dropped but I just kept talking. "Katie? Good, actually she's here right now... I'm sure she'd love to say hello but she's busy right now... No, mom, I'm not being difficult... BECAUSE SHE'S GIVING ME A BLOWJOB, OK?!"
And that was they day I learned not to piss off the person whose mouth is on your cock.


"They"? Nice blanket statement, you dick.


The girl from from Tranformers 4....

Edit: Holy shit I get it. Y'all didn't like any of the girls.


do not see the harm that can come from it, jeez power of myth buddy


Tell her you have an lawyer fantasy where she states in writing all the spontaneous activities that she wishes to participate in and signs it with a witness.


http://youtu.be/A5D_e2B0CxA?t=27s
Disclaimer: Strong Language


That's my thought every time I see something on the frontpage like this.


of course he's not spanish. he most likely is an american """"supporting""""" (aka watching 2 games a weekend at 11am on a shitty stream) real madrid. nothing boils my blood harder than reading americans, arabs, asians or indians saying they "support" a club. fuck them. I SUPPORT my club because i attend every game for 20 years, and you as well. not them. he aint shit.


It took me several weeks to realize that this is the real world.


its completely unnecessary for you to post this explanation or anything further so please stop being such a pathetic nub tia


My stepdad came in when I was around 1 year old. He was 20, my mom was 25. He ended his own education to keep up more hours at his job. 16 years later he's the boss and took classes, got his degree and going to live his dream of becoming a history teacher. Words can't describe the respect I have for that (literal) motherfucker.


Psh. I like *plenty* of popular things (like Mitt Romney and Chris Brown, for instance).

(If you actually care why I downvote Shitty_Watercolour, see [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/Shitty_Watercolour/comments/zvewf/away_for_a_week/c69r7v7).)


You gave away the katana? Dude, you should have sold it. Dumbass neckbeards will drop around a grand for dumb shit like that.


"you'd have to be an idiot to use abilities to last-hit, just a waste of mana", he's just a retarded newbie.


It's Abe Lincoln for those wondering. . . well Abe or Adolf. One of the two.


More upvotes? Are you fucking kidding me?

JUST. STOP.


Well, in 2008 it was a bye week for the other NFL teams.


Dafuq/not sure if serious.


>pls go**oby**

FTFY......


I don't blame you, I'm not sure I could date a building either.


I dunno, people who found it funny?

Edit: why am I getting downvoted?


Always, except for colloquial usage where everyone refers to the monster as just "Frankenstein."


why do you guys not delete this post?  Do you really think we need it posted every week?

what would you say you do here?

edit: this is a serious question... I would love an answer.


"making it all about him" - awesome!
You are more annoyed about his melodrama than him nearly killing you - perfect sibling rivalry right there!


Exactly... they got trolled, hard.


In Steven Segal's defense Costco has a rule about people signing autographs while they're working.


His response video was really awkward and cringey. If you like Preachy videos thats fine.


In our defense, "burgled" sounds like a depraved sex act.


This made me incredibly erect. How exciting was that?!


Fucking awesome, upvotes, upvotes FOR FUCKING EVERYONE IN HERE!


Better yet:

####**DON'T BUY FROM GAMESTOP! HOW FUCKING HARD IS THIS? THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN'T GET ONLINE FOR CHEAPER!**

God you Americans are insufferably stubborn. No wonder you people have shit tier pleb internet. You have corporations that treat you like ass and you STILL give them your money?


/u/Demetrius3D dropping truth bombs from a business perspective.


Was? Arthas was the FIRST death knight.


What a devout Catholic she must be


not sure why anyone would train at a gym that:

(a) lets 16 year old girls train with men; and

(b) gives out blackbelts to people who get swept by schoolgirls.


...and the lizard men's footprints literally circling the scene.

Edit: The Masonic government bank lizards are trying to buy me off with gold!


By the way, you look like you might need a shower.  Do you know what one of those is?


can we get a reddit discount?


I can confirm that that this comment is spammy and racist. It will be downvoted because of this.

Did i get this right?

Please upvote me so i am able to continue to monitor this site for you and clean up the spam.


What is the matter with you?  That was gross and shows what you are into.


Ha ha you put seat instead of east, lol!


I don't think you know what trolling means.


If time travel ever gets invented and I ever get access to it, that just made the list of moments I want to go back to visit.


oh, i'm making y'all look bad?! lol fuck you, pussy. you're just a little bitch and r/Atlanta is full of triviafags


> pitch 3 cents short of a dollar

I have never heard that phrase... but I somehow know exactly what you mean...


You have the responsibility to go out and find out who did this instead of trying to profit from this child's hurt.


He thinks the AMA is a show.


He got told, that's why. Hopefully he's finally realized how pathetic his run at reddit-stardom really was.


"Girl" implies she is young and her self entitlement and spoiled personality can be somewhat explained by youth. Heather Cho is a 40 year old woman.


Downvote me if you hate the Steelers


I feel like NO ONE knows this. It's always terrifying to be a passenger in a car when the driver cuts in front of an 18-wheeler.


The RB is supposed to duck his head, otherwise he has no balance and falls over to weak tackles. I'm not saying it was intentional, but it was 100% Kam's fault and he has had other dangerous illegal hits as well -- probably as a result of always going for the big hit instead of making the tackle. It's the defender's job to make a legal tackle, not the RB's job to avoid an illegal hit.


sure will, just as soon as they run out of people willing to pay more than $20 for a Ferrari.


Granted that game was a complete dismantling, but anyone who thought Wisconsin was any good might have brain damage.

Edit: Downvote heaven, can anybody point me to a win Wisco had over a good football team?


Not really. The Rolling Stones took their name from an old blues song by Muddy Waters called "Rollin' Stone" when they were asked their name when they were booking a gig in 1962.


> I'm 6', 300 lbs.

>because they clearly don't care about their body otherwise.

And you do?


Being an atheist, unlike being a vegan, doesn't come with super powers.


You know what? The Bible is explicitly clear on this. I trust the Bible over your opinion.

John 1:10-1:11

10 If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into [your] house, neither bid him God speed:

11 For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds.


This exchange happened in Grade 9 between a kid with a fat mom, and a kid with a mom who died a few years earlier.

Greg: Your mom is so fat, she jumped in the air and got stuck.

Tyler: Your mom is so dead, she'll never see you grow up.

Ya, it got fucked after that.


If a Republican was president, you would be blaming him for the horrible recovery and economic policies.

B.O. sure is lucky to have an undying fan base to excuse his every failure . . .


he usually only works 2 days a week at the store.  I think he was covering for someone today though.


I fuck dime bitches. She's a nickel. I'm just critiquing here, not trolling.


You guys are adorable.


Do you really think he gives a shit?


When you're 8 years old, lions are the coolest thing ever.


Yeah, he doesn't get injured as often. Can't wait until Vermaelen snaps Van Persie's leg and he doesn't play a decent game ever again. Please happen.


You can't fuck her brains *in*.


Because some retard went through my post history? Ahahaha. You're a stupid fuck.


Well those are 2 completely different questions.


Yes and no. The real asshole is the idiot who engineered that road to flood like that.


I stopped reading at "shoved a bottle of Pellegrino up my asshole"


If I ever met a /r/mensrights member who didn't act like that, I'd say otherwise.

If every black man I'd ever met was in a gang, it would not be unfair to say black people are gang members. But this is not the case.

It's especially funy that you're chiding me for generalizing 35,000, when you're generalizing *half the people on the planet.*


Just wait for the repost


lik dis f u cri ervtim


I think you just came at a bad time. Parents argue, it happens. Little kids like running around naked, so that's common. Dogs fucking and pooping, that's like 2/4 things they're programmed to do. It was just a coincidence that it was all happening at the same time in the one moment you were there.


Down voted for arrogance


Should have told him that Jesus hated him and that's why he's a cripple.


In the nose, on the nose?


Not only stayed good, but got better as it went along.


FAKE! This is a lame joke by the OP.


My wife (gf at the time) got mad that I didn't put the toilet seat down.  "I almost fell in!"  I was perplexed.  "Did you go into this situation with a blindfold on?"  I don't just walk in the bathroom and start pissing, hoping I randomly hit the toilet.  I expect people to use at least a couple senses before peeing.


Where did you get surgery from? Stop making things up.


Exactly! Ill never have to pay out a dime, and still get the sex.


My bad. Always though him an insufferable dickhead. thoughts may now change...


"hey are you ok? You feel sad..."


No, they get a bad name because of comments an attitudes like yours. That comment wouldn't be acceptable if it was about blacks, Mexicans, or women, it shouldn't be allowed about gun owners.


Something similar happened to me at that age. Shit went down when my mom found all the Pirates of the Caribbean slash-fics I had printed out. They made me watch while they went through all of my internet history, IM conversations, etc., berating me for being "disgusting" the entire time. It was insanely humiliating.


You guys are pretty gross ass asiaphiles.Pathetic.


Battle
Ready
Armor
??


he's making fun of people that are letting him do it and most likely aproved it first.

**brass balls** indeed.

hollywood is fake facade. he's just another spin of it (with worse teeth). wake up.


This should have been done the first time. "uhh... poop" and then point.


Oh, I see you have managed to post another articulate and reasoned response. It must have taken you all morning to come up with that.

It's almost as inventive as your username.


That's because they usually take one or two high valuable items that one wouldn't notice missing right away. The thief that takes your 50" HD TV is a bad thief because right away you'll notice it's gone. The thief that takes that one expensive ring from your jewelery box is a good thief because you wouldn't notice it till weeks later probably.


i get what youre saying but some people have different ways to do things. maybe nothing else was working for him.


I would prefer to be blindfolded in a breakfast


Except OP of this post was also OP of the post a year ago... clearly OP is butthurt that someone thought of the same idea as him and also made it to the front page


Yeah... but was she hot?


I used to be a game studio lasting long on a single video game on my belt, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


This is gold because you cheated somebody who was trying to cheat. You ought to be higher up in the comment ranks!


Whiny, swiney bitches.


She should never go to that house again. If her husband asks why, tell him that it's:

"Because you won't defend me when I'm assaulted by SIL. I'm not overreacting. She's fucking insane. I like your brother fine, but I will not be in the same building as his psychopathic wife. I'm not overreacting. You're underreacting and it hurts that you won't take my side on this."


Yes it does - read below the pic. http://www.independent.ie/sport/leftfield/our-gameplan-was-to-be-super-confident-irish-pair-blag-their-way-into-super-bowl-and-sit-in-50k-seats-30957675.html


Correction, *women* can


Why you play this game if they're some roles you can't play? I don't get it, just Q in coop vs IA


You have no idea the physical toll that 3 vasectomies have on a person


I maintain my innocence. The girl was 13 years old. When I met her through a friend of a friend, she went by a different name, and said she was 16. She sold blow jobs for $5 and I had paid for her services twice before. The third time, she tried to have sex with me ( I was supposed to leave for Paris Island 2 days later) and in the process of refusing her advances called her names...


This is exactly what I require.


Do you have anything better than to do with your life than write stupid comments like this? You're not clever or witty you just know how to waste fucking time. People like you are fucking retarded.


So you now have a semicolon.


Seriously unfa tone it the fuck down you brofag


And then you can sneak up on them from behind while they're working a pottery wheel.


is it wrong if i just wanna dive in that bush, grab her upper legs, stick my nose between h er crack and sniff that sweaty arse... that must be bustling with pheromones and her sweaty sexiness


or 9 years old, that would be pretty bad too...

or 10, that would still be pretty terrible...

15, I'm kind of like, OK, that's still bad...

25, yup, still bad...

40, hmmm, OK, that would still really suck to find out...

60, HOLY CRAP, do I have to live that long‽

EDIT: **ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED:** *Interrobanged your way to gold‽*


It would be, if she wasn't a nigger.


What the fuck. That's how you get raped..


erectile dysfunction

Edit: I'm sorry i was drunk


*Zoom in on Ice-T's face. He shakes his head.*

"That's messed up."


That meme is negative. Good gravy.


Dr. Seuss's lesser known short story


**To anyone who does not get this it's from the currently showing batman movie.**


"so....What are you thinking?" after a make out sesh is code for "Let's fuck". You literally could have burped the word "Bed" and you would have gotten laid. 2/10.


Women are idiots.  Even self-respecting feminists wear facepaint and high heels.


>Scott does a ton for the community...

So does Gus Fring.


Obviously slightly more technical than that.


Not me. I went from twelve back down to nine and then i became a number that you can't comprehend (the first character of it is a peanut) and then I was seven and then now fourty four.


She tried to destroy your life for some incredibly petty reasons.  She doesn't deserve pity, only loathing.


......................Yes. I have no idea how that happened :S I put it in paint to crop out the rest of my face, so I must have somehow mirrored it. When I read your comment I actually waved my hand in front of my face to make sure it was my left eye I'm blind in!!!


a useless nigger rapper and a retarded woman? ... I dont understand you americans


I am going to shamelessly repeat this to all of my friends until they no longer think it is funny.  Then I will find new friends.  Repeat ad nauseam.


I'm just trying to find out what happened.


Yep trying this when I get home.


Nobody cares that you've seen it before.


"Dude look, its Philosoraptor!"


The Great Depression began in Europe after World War 1, conservative economic policies kept us out of the Depression for over a decade and lessened the blow.

The 50's were also economically prosperous and are seen as the golden ages of family life.

The 80's were the end of the Cold War and triumph of capitalism over leftist ideology.


There's a minimum height requirement for that ride... Sorry.


Oh great, just what we need in this country.  Another partisan hack criticizing the hackery of other hacks.


I know, right?  Chemical castration makes it sound like they dip his wang in acid.