Yeah, I'm saying I'm an average middle aged man, not an athlete, and that BMI is bullshit.


Everyone knows the best place to pork is in a catholic girls school at 3 AM.


what exactly were you expecting to see in a url with "goat" in it

I'm really-and-truly curious


That's what you get for dating a nine year old.


You really wanted to lose some karma, didn't you?


Welsh people are very rarely mentioned in these kinda jokes and it used to make me kind of sad until I realised that the Welsh people would just end up shagging sheep.


I used to all going to drown, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


Yep ISIS is disgusting, his son wasn't the only murdered, yet he was the one who stood up. He certainly has my respect.


Lord Voldemort shall rise once more.


Not since the toonami.


The book doesn't tell us it's fine, and where do we get this innate sense of morality?

EDIT: good job, you got your /r/atheism friends to come downvote carpet bomb us. OH NOES I lost some numbers on teh interwebz after you found some words in a book that is highly revered by Christians. and what a fantastic argument you've given, you've converted me! I now will be an asshat too!


at first i was so stoked.... but then i realized it can never roll decent.  ever. ancient or otherwise.... touche Blizzard, touche.


But it's about the age and not about the kids.


The directors must have loooooved being told that


fat girl needs a few more sheets to cover her up.


Can confirm. Am bull shark.


I've said it 100 times, check my comments. That partner was gender fluid. Identifying as different genders on different times. Had it been another day I would have said girlfriend. Just because they a pens doesn't make them a man and thus me bisexual. I am attracted to women only.  I am a lesbian.


In a recent update to my Samsung smart tv it started displaying banner adds on the bottom half of my tv. I had Samsung sponsors banner adds over the top of regular commercials... It was like looking at my parents laptop. Lousy with malware.


It can be both accurate and sensationalised. Anyone who read that title would assume that he played for the Bengals last year.


You're going to want to swallow some burning embers to melt it down. /r/shittyaskscience


Oh, I apologize. I didn't realize I was talking to a Scumbag Criticizer.  Was just asking for advice without the hostility.  Thank you, I'll try it next time.


Trusted specs once, my skyrim now looks fantastic, if I don't move.


Because rape is funny.


But you're supposed to be Reddit's lead pervert. You gotta do better, man.


THEN YOU ARE AN IDIOT, BECAUSE IT'S THE DICTIONARY DEFINITION.

I'd be prepared to bet good money on the fact you also say "I could care less" to indicate that, in fact, you could NOT care less.


> /u/weird_in_chicago

"Well we've narrowed it down to the Chicago metro area..."


yes sure, if it's on the Internet, it must be stolen, amirite? Just saw it today on another site and posted here.


Kids go in, kids come out...


downvote for fucking up an IT Crowd quote


lol wat.

Wake up owner please! OMNOMONOMNOMN WAKE UP!
OMNOMNOMN SEE I ATE YOUR EYES WHY WON'T YOU WAKE... HMM YOURE FUCKING DELICIOUS THO


Do I get to tell you what to put into *your* children? As long as it's for the "greater good", right?


The groom is wearing a white dress shirt with a black front/white back vest. He's wrapping the bride's thighs around his arms.


You're quoting a section of the article without commentary ? Why ? do you think we can't read ?


Due to hormones, that isn't supposed to happen but I've read that it's happened before. Apparently a woman had one in one uterus and twins in the other uterus.


Why do you argue with hyperbole?  It is hard to take you seriously.  I didn't realize this AMA was a high school project.  I think the subject matter is a little too mature for high school kids to handle.


Why not? You eat everyone else's


"Unfunny cliche joke! He is foreign guys!"


He'd kill you, dump you into a ravine, and then rap about it.


I'll probably get downvoted for this, but some things are more important than my comment karma score on reddit.  *Marijuana is one of the most harmful substances on the planet.*  Not only is it a gateway to harder drugs such as bath salts, but it is scientifically documented to destroy brain cells and cause addiction.


Nice to see you are doing things the Kerbal way.


This, goddammit. This. And this is from a 12 year old.


"Trust me, sir. You're going to want a condom with her. She didn't ask for one 15 minutes ago either."


probably 'cause you're fat

and he thought you wouldn't want to go to a baseball game

but instead snort nasally and say "i'd much prefer to watch a documentary about how empowering squatting over a mirror to peer into my vagina is"


Did you not get a good look or


That doesn't mean he's knowledgeable about history, but yes that seems to be reddit's consensus, that he has plenty of general history knowledge and schools chat and champions alike.

edit: Oh man, I poked the hivemind goooood. I just wish my lowest rated comment had been about something worthwhile.


Bruno Mars even wrote a song for him.


You don't understand what perfect means.


It's almost as if they're human.


none of those have this picture. This is not a repost, go be a re-post nazi somewhere else please.


Simon Cowell is insulting, sure, but he doesn't exactly make the attacks emotional. He might tell them they can't sing or they're a bit odd or whatever, but he's a clever guy who knows how everything works and doesn't take it too far. He takes it as well as, I'd even say better than, he gives it.

This woman probably couldn't take a dig to save her life, and purposefully tried to hurt this guy.


If the drunk didn't kill him, heart disease would have.


the board may come with water.


**BOOBS**

EDIT: Wow I can't believe I got downvoted this much. You people are absurd. Clearly it was a joke. You're all the stereotypical liberal college girl with no sense of humor. 6 months into reddit and honestly, this is why I would never go to a meet up. You people are so fragile.


Yeah that's true. But I think the whole 13 prostitutes part is what he was talking about.


Damn it I was hoping to replicate my same (personal highest upvoted ever) comment again on this thread


Too many riggers in this thread. Time to leave.


Nice punctuation, douche bag.
Edit: fuck you guys. The comma is there because it's addressing someone.


Nigga I go to Wal-Mart every day.

Fuck the police.


fun story; I actually dont give a fat babies dick about this kid.


Well, what Fox News *really* means is a high minimum wage increases the cost of living for the rich.


Not so fast i had the same yacht. Now the lad who sends it back will have the privedlege to shine my shoe


If you hadn't married her, I would have.


Yes!  Because disagreeing with someone is grounds for physical violence against them!


You're right because savings can't argue back.


64 is not cold I keep mine at 63. If you want it warmer ask your landlord for a discount and pay the heat yourself. The reason landlords do this is because people will crank it up to 75 and then stick the landlord with a $500 heating bill.


Except listen to doctors.


probably because scumbag employees make lunches like that.


I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE DONE THIS!


I don't always tend to grieving families...

..but when I do, I've lived in a few foreign locations including Brazil and New York City, then I took an arrow to the knee!


I'm sorry cam. At least we didn't lose a better game though!!!

Just kidding...

Maybe. Console peasant.


>like to apologize

**I caught you!** If you were really Chinese you would have said "rike to aporogize"


Sometimes you do stuff like that and then stare accusingly at your hands like, HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN?!


I'm sure she has never, ever been asked any of those questions. Way to be original.


And everyone reads that in Apu's voice.


Annoying ass cracka 🙌🙌


But he eats egg whites at nine every morning! You should do it too!


Upload and reedit it FTW


Welcome to Australia.

*Edit This is my highest rated comment so far i am so proud *Takes a sip from my VB*


I rode a log ride straight into my neighbors anus. No seat belt.


He wasn't even supposed to be there that day.


I parked the car next to a rock (there are a lot of them in this region), got out of the car and literally seconds later this "small" rock broke loose and fell 10m on my car.


Guess who just made a chlorine bomb and blew off both his thumbs! This gu.....awwww.


I used to show up as the dragon, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


BuzzFeed must protect the only 2 minutes of original content they created in 2015


Pardon? Are you saying this is a repost?


This was pulled on me.

I'm gay and it was with a man.


How about....?

Shut up. Yeah, now you are allowed to feel personally attacked.


Are you planning to suck your own dick while at a brothel?


It's "chess" , not "ches" you dumbass.


Those make me really uncomfortable. Good bad designs


Okay, fuck you, no one cares.


I'm not sure how he affords it... he's just a high school chemistry teacher.   He's been trying to buy a car wash recently.


I don't recall bragging about my IQ in that thread.


She just ordered it like you would order anything on the menu.


MY MOMMYY SAYD DAT ME AND MY BRODER JONATON ARE GONA GO TO DA SUMMER CAMP!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SO HAPPY WEDDIT GAGA GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Dude.  i did a shirtless talking head monologue in Dothraki for the last episode and it was hysterical.  Didn't make the cut.  No idea why.


Nobody cares and your novelty username idea sucks. Ass.

Geddit XD?

Edit: It's a joke based on a pun of his name. -.0-


To be fair, it leaves a lot to be desired from a performance standpoint.


I don’t see what’s wrong with this reply. It’s just motivation to push her to get to the gym faster. A cat is not worth a lifelong issue of heart disease or diabetes.

Not that its gonna help much if she continues to hack and slash herself to death first.


,but only if they are an expression of the artist. If they are a commissioned work they do not count as art.

EDIT: To clarify one can BUY art. One cannot PAY for art to be made.


Belgian schools make it *very* clear these days.


TIL:Dead fags I've never heard of are clogging up my front page.


slow down there Sean Connery


Hey FUCK HEAD, how's the map hack/stream sniping accusations coming along? fucking bitch? still mad? Remember how you lost so badly, and you bitched and whined sent death threats to that person? Wished he died and was beaten? Go scum some place else, E-Sports ruiner.

We Never Forget.


It was a heavy moment, marred by awkward silence. They kept replaying the run and his slam. At some point, I wanted to steer people's attention to the fact that he made an incredible trick before the tragedy. He had NEVER done it before.


LLOooolll I r LE SO OFENDED!! LE UPVOTE!!!

[RELEVNT REAGE COMIC] (http://imgur.com/4HEgj)


( •_•)
Well I guess she...

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

Screwed the pooch.

I'll show myself out.


That is the line between self-defense and revenge. I am a supporter of revenge, but that's what it is.


I will never stand up ever again.


Please give one example of a person who can't spend one hour with their children each day.


That is so infuriating. $169.00 to delete a freaking text file? What a bunch of assholes.

Frankly, you should report this up the chain, or better yet, contact The Consumerist.

EDIT: The random Reddit winds have blown in my favor for this comment. I don't consider it my best. I don't think it's the most insightful thing I've ever posted, but I'm absolutely floored by the response!


Wells, it's fake. What else can you do?


Why do people keep CCing me on things that have nothin to do with me?

Edit: I guess I should thank the kind stranger for gold! I am so very shocked! Up till this point my top comment post was only like 60 upvotes!


$9.5M a year for a guy playing football is "...a perfectly reasonable contract." Okay.

Edit: I'm just trying to put this in perspective for you zombies. I love football. I love the Patriots. Use your pea brains for a minute and maybe you'll get my point.


**H**alf-life **T**hree **C**anceled


I agreed. But I also downvoted.

Just to hurt you.


> Platon

Platon:

1% tutor

99% hot gas


Not to be insensitive, but [here are a couple thousand similar accounts](http://www.nderf.org/NDERF_NDEs.htm) indicating a continued consciousness.
And [here's the science](http://www.nderf.org/vonlommel_consciousness.htm) - long, worthwhile read
tl;dr is in the conclusion
mmmmm, that's some good denial going on down there...classic


Felt like 15, but it was actually on the 2nd day


I assume you mean the PS4/Xbox One launch, because this definitely didn't happen on last-gen at launch.

...-126 points in 1 day, that's a new record!  I guess I really struck a nerve!


That's really the Carolinas' fault for being unoriginal.


At this point, if you honestly think srd isn't a downvote brigade you are blind.


Same. I was fingering her and thought, "You know, this would be way better if I was holding a dick right now."


or just stop the dramatic bullshit and grow a brain


Leave your girlfriend, marry glorious boob girl.


> Holy crap ~~that's~~ gorgeous.

*thats*

FIFY.  Learn to use apostrophe's properly.


Now that's a solid joke.


I did. But at this point who gives a fuck if they cheated. Bradys the best QB in NFL history.


She becomes the jet-pack!


Please go back to work, Pizza Hut employee #3422398, I'm getting hungry.


I'd remake the homemade porn I made with my wife. Christ, my ass looks huge and full of cottage cheese. I'd re-cast me with Affleck.


LOLOLELELL WERE IS DA NSFW TAG!!! LOL IM BROWSIEN REDIT AT WROK BOSS CANT SE OR I GET TORUBLE!!!!

LE CHECK OUT LE [RAGE COMIC] (http://i.imgur.com/sRhPF.png)


No shit! My boss did this to me last week.

Him: Hey. Come with me.

*silent walk to the coffee room which is on the way to his office*

*stop in coffee room*

*hands me cup of coffee*

Him: Taste that. It's the best damn coffee I've ever made.

JEEZUS! Scare the shit out of me!


I honestly believe everyone else is taking a few fish way too seriously


Lol Crystal is not doing laundry


What? Way to completely miss the point of my simile. No, it wasn't the bus driver's idea. But he does not deserve any accolades or respect for what he did, even if it was part of his job. "Just following the orders" is not a virtue.


> Unless they hope Allah himself is going to come down and get involved.

I'm pretty sure they're banking on this.


Wouldnt you? Its funny as shit.


Are you this guy?

http://i.imgur.com/Tk7AS.png


You enjoy it after 300 hours because you are brain dead. My dead dog would be bored of this joke of a game by now.


Oooh! That's a good one.

Bill Hicks, The Prophet Mohammed, The Prophet Mohammed's Handler, Kanye East, Lizzie Borden, Andy Kaufman, and Amber Tamblyn, Tyrese, and Mark Spits.

With food provided by Big Kev's Bar-b-que.


i dont know if that is real, it looks like it is from a movie or something, plus abusing women is not cool, i would never even think about hurting a woman,t hat's just disrespectful and bad, he will be very sad he made that decision to harm that woman, but at the same time she shouldn't be sleeping in class and leraning in class, you know?


Question for all the Americans reading this. Isn't it common knowledge we (people in europe) all speak English**?**


i was reading through the comments feeling for you but now you lost my respect


I love these sorts of jokes.

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says "Why the long face?" The horse says "As an anthropomorphic horse, I fit in neither with humans nor my own kind, and have thus lived a life of loneliness."


Because, out of context, it doesn't ruin anything.


Splicing two wires together is not electrical engineering. I laughed when he said this.


I hope they shot your dog for being evil.


LOL it was like he forgot it was snowing while he was going to make tea and it surprised him again.


Enough for my living expenses, though it is only a fraction of the amount doctors make, despite the fact that many of their patients do not get better while at least 95% of mine do. It's strange how the world works!


OMG I didn't know you could haggle at Chuck e cheese....this could have changed everything


Considering hot tubs house SHITLOADS of bacteria that's really fucking dirty.


You would too if you got hit in the head as hard as she did.


Oh well, its evolution in action. Survival of the fittest.


"Um, I, uh, uh, ok wait just let me think about--uh, ok hold on I need to--ugh fine ok, ok yes, god dammit, yes. 6:15 it is."


Thanks for proving the image I have in my head of all foreign WWE fans being hateful, bigoted idiots true. I bet you think Rusev is a face too you nincompoop.


0/10

Would not exchange embassies again


I used to have faith in humanity, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


You get to see lots of roaches and some lovely stuff with the blacklight...also bedbugs.


Cool story bro

edit: not gonna delete this. A captain stays with the ship.

edit: OMG FRONT PAGE...wait..

edit: my favorite color is orange.

edit: instead of just downvoting me, you could at least leave a random fact about yourself while you downvote me.


I bet it sounded like a cellblock lockdown too.


Pfft, please. Atheists do the 'We're so persecuted' bullshit too.


Plot twist:  she's actually awake and has been keeping you happy all these years.


haha double whoosh. Totally tricked you!


Have you seen any of the later Halloweens? He was shot 18 times in H2O alone. (just being a smart ass)


Not the show, the books.


Or they might play Music Videos again...nah


Stop reading scanlations then. All you're being is a leech then and a hypocrite. Authors can't eat admiration and lip service.

Wow. Ya'll are awesome. Stay classy.


My wife made the mistake of saying on facebook that she thought many newborn babies looked like old men. From the reaction of new parents, you would think she'd joined ISIS. For the record, I think she is right.


>you're about to fuck it up, son.

He's gonna fuck it up? Come on, this is all about getting motivated.

EDIT: I thought this was a subreddit about getting motivated. Alas, sometimes, one's opinion is only shared by 1/3 people.


I imagine his spelling and grammar was better when he said it, though.


you? you can go fuck yourself.


As your doctor, it is my obligation to remind you that neither crap, nor crackers, are suitable foods while on a ketogenic diet.

Just kidding. No problem, amiga. Hope you feel better soon!


what a stupid statement, how should developers/publishers earn money then ? renting/trading games is arguably even more damaging than pirating is.

edit: is it really turning out in to another /r/gaming circlejerk again ?


What if you're tied to a can of beans?


Oh noes, a joke that's been said before but people still kinda like on a new pic? How terrible!

Teh internets is serious business. Especially /r/adviceanimals.


Of course, everyone knows that MILF Backdoor Bangs 4,5,6 comprises the original trilogy, while 1,2,3 were prequels.


"I'm just going to pretend I've visited the 'entire Iran' for imaginary internet points."

Pathetic. Just pathetic. I created this album to battle ignorance, but it seems like Westerners prefer to remain ignorant.


he certainly was.  that man was more badass than i'll ever be.  i could tell stories about him all day.

he had a massive heart attack in the early 80's.  doctors gave him 6 months to live, and he celebrated 23 awesome years after that just to prove those bastards wrong.


You sound so much like a loser.


JUSTIN BEIBER IS NOW COOL.


Downvote if you agree that Steve Nash is overrated.

edit: spelling


No shit? Bummer push harder.


DUDE fucking 3 kids stay at home mom, 4 hours of sleep, feels like shit most of the time not usually thinking blow jobs. When you are home all day wiping other peoples anus' and breaking up kids fights you tell me how much you are going to want to suck on a penis when you finally get a quiet moment


"Einstein failed math" - Abraham Lincoln

He couldn't tell a lie, after all.


I know, this was a social experiment.


(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)

flip the fucking table and pray to the law of averages


And this is why I love reddit


The freedom you get with PC is one of my favorite things about it.

[NO LIMITS](http://a.pomf.se/xtoqil.webm)


not everyone is the same you know. and just cause it didn't happen once doesn't mean it cant happen another time.

Your jokes are bad and you should feel bad.


But seriously, put that shit in a folder. Disorganized desktops are a travesty.


Assume you're including Villa in this category


Or just because we're home.


You got me there man you are so goddam wise.


not many people know this but if you go deep enough there is a natural sharpener down there.


She didn't say "Fuck off"...wtf? She kindly let the dude down by saying she didn't want to go at all, not saying she didnt want to go with OP specifically. Just because someone doesn't want to hang out with you doesn't make them a shitty person.


"Well, he didn't mind the sampler so he must be ready for this...."

*pushes out log*

"Enjoy baby"


Please stop greentexting massive walls of text.

EDIT:  Apparently I made butts sore.  I meant, green-text is for quick shit.  Putting that much text in grentext is odd, not to mention it actually pushes lines together and looks bad.  Sorry for causing such sore bottoms.


as an art/art history student they are also quite good, i can burn the pages separately to keep warm while i never have a job


Dogg I can squat 200 and deadlift 300, come at me you fuckin' mallo cup eating queer


The best are where they looked shocked and horrified for a moment, before starting to laugh.

Also, thank fuck for the Internet. If you can't mime along to a popular song with a complete stranger dancing in clothes meant for the opposite sex here, then where the hell else can you?


Did you read what he actually said? Atheists aren't smart enough to invent their own god. The implication being that all deities are mere inventions. He threw a bone to Atheists right there, but you guys are too small-minded and butthurt to accept it.


Radio 100% does this, you aren't crazy. Although sometimes they will slow songs down as well to fill time when necessary.


It's that male on female rape is extraordinarily more common than female on male rape.

Is anyone really dumb enough to think "you can rape drunk girls as long as you get drunk too you will be legally protected" is a good idea?

It's VERY EASY to lie and say you were drunk. If you allow this defense to work it will be used in 100% of all rapes.


Even better: go on vacation in Europe.


yeh, lul, suck on that, religion! /sarxasm

edit: Jesus Christ, people, I was kidding. Also, my phone's keyboard kinda sucks, so virtually all my posts are misspelled. Not correcting it though. The reddit mob has spoken.


Bought some once at the self checkout. They're in a security box though so needed someone to open it. No big deal except there were no staff about. Had to wave the security guard over who felt the need to say "at least you're being safe". Just don't use words man, let me buy my things and be done.


Because they dont feel right when theyre dry or r bombing?

EDIT: Im no good with advice i guess

Welcome to Oblivion how may i take your order?


Do your parents own a fedora store?

EDIT: My first gold! Mum get the camera!


if someone WANTED to know it, he could go google it themself or watch any lore video. This is just attention and upvote seeking.


And I'll be damned if some fancy schmancy city folk gonna come here and lube *my* pecker.


Where does trp say, "Manipulate women"?  Can't find it? Neither can I?


Remember: If you're not paying for a service you're not the customer.


All by himself....and I couldn't make this up.


that was him getting in the door.


I used to mean "Well fap", but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Good guy shoots. Bullet goes into bad guy. Bad guy dies.

Bad guy shoots. Bullet goes into good guy. Just a flesh wound, he still has enough composure and stamina to shoot bad guy and see above.


This is now the new hub for all things unexpected!


You and /u/doubledickdude need to get together.

And I'm pretty sure there's a double vag chick who did an AMA too.

People would pay good money to watch the three of you get weird with your bonus bits.


If I did that then nothing would improve. People will think they can just post images and the moderators will provide the context for them.

This picture surely came from an article about the stadium. The OP stripped away the context for the sake of karma. We want to discourage that kind of behaviour and this is the best way to do it without losing the original story.


And rightly so. That particular symbol occurs so much that if you look at any string of words, you will probably find it.


>That's your personal opinions.

No, it isn't. That's pretty much the whole point of reddit and reddiquette. If you don't think so, you should leave.


Sometimes eleven.

EDIT - Thanks for the Au **x2**!


You know it would eat your neck if it found you in any form of compromising predicament right?  Eat it.  And your face.  Poor thing!

Edit:  Why are you people subscribed to WTF?  To see pictures of cats?  Go to /r/pics

Edit 2:  Negative gold, thanks boss!


True true.... nice outlook


well, it is their God.


What matters is how you felt the second time.


I also threw up when I saw Obama get elected.


>lacks pizzazz

Well if it is a pizza box like OP said, them it only lacks zz.


I need about treeefitty.

Edit: I noticed oranges and immediately cringed. 'Oh no, what did I say? Who did I piss off?' I was at about a [6], and this popped into my head when I read parent. I shall take your down votes and smile!


Works great until Jimmy's mom gets a call asking her to come in for a meeting to discuss her son's grades.


Thought it wass funny.


Well, why not promote Cloud Atlas by doing an AMA? Promoting a movie by way of an AMA has never backfired on anyone, ever. So it should be at the top of his priority list.


hmm. Redditor for a week. Close call, but I approve of this novelty account.


"I didn't *ask* you to pay my 25 cents"

Jesus I didn't even have this argument and I'm annoyed.


MOMMY WHY DOS DA WEDDIT HATE ME????????????? GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Can't believe I had to scroll this far down to find this.


no. shut the fuck up dude

**EDIT; IF YOU DOWNVOTE IT'S MEANS THAT YOU ARE DUMB AND STUPID LOL**


Yes, you are not attractive/rich/successful.


You're complaining that they didn't leave this woman to starve to death?


"I do, well, not really. I guess your mom is more of a friend with benefits."


Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!

Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!

Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!

WHAT THE FOX SAY?


Also sounds like he know he should


Why put someone else at risk for a single beer?

Who cares what the limit says, anything that puts anyone at risk shouldn't be done.

Edit: Everyone seems to be taking this far too personally.


i can't honestly say there was a reason


You little fuck your pic sucks, post your sister's tits on gw instead &#3232;\_&#3232;


Sirius is the seond brightest star in the sky.
The brightest is the Sun.


Sorry to hear that bro. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. GL


"Cultivate discipline rather than waiting for motivation to miraculously strike and cure your inactivity." -someone on reddit


I don't know what else I can do to prove that's real? I've posted multiple links on that , and if you don't believe me that Is on you. I have enough proof to show that's true.


But someone decided that the incident was worth reporting.

AND four uniformed officers agreed that the incident was worth ~~arresting~~ citing her for.

THAT's the issue at hand. Idiocy should be filtered at the lowest level possible, in my opinion.

Thank you /u/LucyDelMonte for the correction.


Any woman who says she doesn't want kids isn't getting dick regularly.  She only says that to make herself feel better.


The rest of us that actually use them thank you from the bottom of our hearts.


Although I agree with you I'm somewhat concerned about how this sort of litigation might be used by people who are actually guilty but weren't convicted for some reason, perhaps for lack of evidence, shitty prosecutors, etc.


I doubt Keanu can be anything other than classy so just one choice.


I've never heard him describe himself as starting from home and hitting a triple, maybe you can show an example.


Just thinking that testicles drop as you get older, so the squirrel might not line up after about 15 years. It might be a good idea to age the squirrel as well and have his arms just not go as high. Repeat every ten so years.

Then when you are sixty or seventy, have the squirrel just lean up against your balls looking tired.


We'll just have to agree to disagree, I never said you weren't a bigger fan, but someone, like in the picture, who can't recognize that phrase, should not be able to call themselves a pokemon fan.


She's pretty enough to turn me into a lesbian.  And I'm a dude.


I'm sad for you, but don't make up details for karma please.


Came here to say the same thing. Your girlfriend is the ultimate 10/10


but you like going to places with sweaty fat chicks?


I think it's impressive that they can keep it from moving.


I'm a fairly large and formerly violent person from an extremely large (physically and numerically) catholic family. Trust me when I say that I run my mouth in person just as much as I do here.

Apart from that, how is calling anyone uppity appropriate, no matter the circumstance?


Right? Whiny, "nice guy," you should be with me not him, admits to being a virgin, racist, completely socially oblivious. It's like the perfect formula to get upvotes in this subreddit.


it has details coz someone drew its not actually real you seriously think this is a mod? if so sorry but your wrong :/


Yes!!!!

Edit: my highest comment is about my dick. Reddit, you amuse me


SKYRIMMM!!!

...sorry... that is all.


Your attitude is spot on dude.


came here to say this


You can get two but you can't pick them.


Only white people wake up early.


Try not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot!


Ugh women. Who's with me?


told this at a party. people stopped talking to me


Some people do enjoy 9gag okay?

**Upvote for 9gag!** Show some support people!

[Link for interested newcomers. Its really good actually!;D](http://9gag.com/)


"My shiny teeth and me!" - Chip Skylark

Edit: Senpai has popped my gold cherry!

"My shiny teeth sparkle, just like the stars in space!"


haha memes XD

EDIT: I am now a meme martyr. A Memetyr.


were tears really all that was shed?


Not to be a dick, but 43-8 is *way* worse than 28-24.


Look at my eyes. Look at my eyes. They are four eyes. 1. 2. 3. 4. They are four eyes. I AM JUST KIDDING, they are two.


Haha, me too. Best part.


One more house, and then you could buy a hotel!


More like the worst kind of karma whoring.


Who the shit gon' stab someone over a free nanner?


maybe you can show me where you mod at - and how you do it better.


i love so many but if i had to choose one justin bieber


It's ok and even necessary. The only way Comcast is ever going to change is if articles like this appear multiple times on Reddit. This is important.


"How are you today?" "Well Jon, I'm not in Fucking space anymore am i? AM I?"

Edit: thanks for popping my golden cherry. stranger


Wow what post are you even talking about?  Yeah if you like what everyone likes it doesn't mean you're following other people.  No it means you genuinely like it because you're such a goddam individual.  If I stopped posting to this sub it would be FILLED with posts by you wouldn't it.


For those that really want to watch it before it goes down - http://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ

Wow thanks fort he gold! Enjoy the video.


*CAN'T...UPVOTE....ANY.......HARDERRRRRRRRR!!!111!!!11*


Eh, was a job in an ice cream shop. Probably worth the risk.


Quick, he's using logic! Downvote this man!

Seriously though, not sure why people are downvoting you for giving a more precise answer with coordinates.


The holograms are coming.


It's actually the 0.01%, but the advice was backwards too so I guess it balances out.


I tried it on my phone and didn't notice any lag.


**I JUST DRANK A URINE**


A lot of the newer policeman are pretty fit as they had to pass a conditioning test to become one. It's the veterans that are usually the hefty ones. Once they've become part of the force, they don't have to retake the conditioning test


the yellow fish = the yeast in your vagina.

are you seriously that naive?


Well I would say you dodged a bullet there, cause now X likes to mess around with married woman.


The part where it's upside down tangled up in cords? Yeah, that's "Help the cat" time.


Do pornstars act differently off camera while having sex?


> hair-trigger, ban-hammer mad tyrant

synspark make this my flair tia


And well deserved for this stunning demenstruation.


It all fell apart when he removed his Matrix outfit to reveal a Tapout T-shirt.


"What do you mean I call home too much? It's only my fifth call today!"


The Oracle has spoken.


This is true.  It's expensive to be poor in the US.


> one of the best players I've played against

Wow, who are some of the other great players you have played against? Kim Björnberg, 24 (professional baker) and Sten Andersson, 33 (primary school PE teacher)? :)


Also, they need water to survive and they can't really drive one of those things.


You realize we feed off fear?


"Sir, this is a subway card"


Cool, did any of them offer you some acne cream?

p.s. buzz the shitty beard too, homo


*"for a spicy treat, why not surprise him with a jalapeno in his ass."*


No they didn't answer the question, in fact they avoided answering it, please learn english comprehension.


Well, see, that squeaky noise is fucking terrible. Plus, if it breaks, styrofoam gets goddamn everywhere. Also, it's bad for the environment.

It's completely rational to hate styrofoam.


That's what you say until you're out one  day and get approached by this guy.. that literally and very romantically/charmingly makes you laugh, sweeps you off your feet, and sticks in your mind for the rest of the day.

How you girls actually react to this stuff, and how youl'l SAY you react to it.. is VERY different.


Yeah, totally untrue. I ride a dingo.


Its good blacks finally are fighting back after what the whites have done to them... 1 out of 9 blacks in america are in jail, they have got to do something, even if it means violence


The bad part is that she died when he was 1.


I find it funny that she was offended by the supposed "tits or gtfo" comment and whining about trolls. Does she really think she's opening this up to a good, polite discussion by posting it publicly on reddit?


I'm never letting a single person other than myself ever babysit my son.


and this is why we have overcrowded prisons . for one he's mentally ill 2nd he's a criminal and 3rd he didn't learn a lesson obviously and violated parole . i say good riddance what good was he to society in the first place ?


Freeman`s is going to be confused at the 1000`s of people waiting at their door tomorrow


OH GOD WILL I EVER SEE A GIF WHERE SOMEONE DOESNT TRY TO MAKE THIS JOKE?


Check this Frank, they freak out when you do this!


Maybe I over reacted. I used to live with a kid who actually confused the words 'will' and 'well'. It irks me a bit more than it should.


I am not far from this point myself.

Edit:  Whoah, what the heck.  It was so kind of everyone to respond.  It really makes me feel better about the way the world is that people would take that time.


This has officially stopped being a good show.


Ever since I was little I would, and still do, pretend I have eye lasers and laser down all the trees. Only the trees though. No power lines or houses. I don't wanna to inconvenience anyone.


nika i wanna shove it between your round boobs and then doggy bang your big arse from behind


Always do a trial by written declaration... No traveling and the success rate is higher because it requires the cop to also make a written declaration, and they don't get paid overtime to do it like they do to show up in court.


"Big Shower stubble" is not a funny joke and it does not relate to the original post :-)

"Big Shower stubble" is disgusting and should not be encouraged. Be a gentleman (-:

I am therefore **downvoting** your comment accordingly :-D


Wait, I got it.

There once was a host named Trebek,
Whose mustache was sexy as heck.
It would have been weird
If he'd grown a big beard,
Like Conan, or Riker on Trek.


lol your commentary logic is so transparently self serving lol


It's called depression. These men are already dead and they don't give a fuck.


It really sucks God invented hot air balloons and forced humans to ride in them at gunpoint. Don't even get me started on how he's made enough food for everybody and then forces humans to refuse to share or distribute it. That was a wise choice to hate God. Instead, I hate reddit.


Don't delete! The detail in your equipment list was fascinating. I'm big into emergency preparedness and I think most of your list would be perfect for a disaster kit! Thank for posting and ignore the haters.


Well this repost just got me 692 link karma.

EDIT: 744


"omgomgomgomgomg!!! THE Shitty_Watercolour!"

-Leader of the Free World


Psst: (It's a joke based on Charlie Hebdo)


Exactly, if you buy one of the more expensive options

> "$150,000 TED Conference Patron membership

it comes with a 5 year membership, access to a private TED social networking site, a private dinner with speakers, etc.


LOL "rusty Walcott and Ozil" scored two goals in two starts


>I'll have an appletini and she'll have the girliest drink in the house.

Two appletinis, coming up!


Downvoted for having been on the Internet long enough to discover reddit and yet not knowing what a fucking browser is... dipshit.


motherfucker where you gonna put a grand worth of broth, use your head


let me guess the lyrics include : Bitches, money, guns, power


Michael: My father made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

Kay Adams: What was that?

Michael: Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father assured him that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract.


Maybe it’s because the self-selected members of a community that commiserates over their fear and hatred of women and minorities have a little more in common than, say, all women, or all black people? But no, maybe you’re right—mocking redditors is just like racism. Bwaahahaha.


Gave me some anxiety just reading that


Please go out and volunteer for little kids or others in need


seriously you have to watch out watching an HBO show in public.  I was watching like weeds or entourage in college at my job at the gym.  Some lady walked past my screen during a sex scene and scolded me for watching porn.  I was like .... it's not porn !  It's HBO!  But she was already offended and nothing was going to make her not be


Was about to say this xD. It's a message from God that time is running out!!! :p


I was going to disagree with you, but then i realized I actually know nothing about the subject haha


This is why people dont like PC gamers.


Not the proof pic I was expecting.


Why bother sterilizing the needle?  The white goo that comes out is puss, which is 100% UNsterile.

edit: downvote away, you idiots.


Agreed, this is probably the least douchiest and most congratulatory way of asking you to “keep it down” that I have ever seen.


You do realize that this is literally slander, right? Cosby has not been tried in a court of law for these allegations, which makes him innocent until proven guilty. Thus, anyone who makes these jokes at is expense is, as I said, slandering him in the legal sense of tarnishing his reputation by making unproven statements.

edit: To all down voting me, how many of you have a law degree?


He won't, you'll just be *really good* at using crutches.


Joking? You mean "repeating the joke you saw in the TF2 forums and slapping it together for karma" aside, be safe.


No, you're right. There was also a news story where a school accidently ordered "50 Shades of Grey" thinking it was the other one.


> yo dis shit aint funny mane, you see me laughin nigga, **HUH?!** YOU SEE A NIGGA LAUGHIN BOUT DIS SHIT???!!!

NT4U.


My favorite in terms of symbolism is THPS2 because it established our games as a franchise and created skating as a genre of videogames. And it had Downhill Jam level (big fan).

Dunno my record for longest grind, but I was one of the first to pull the Holy Sh!t grind in THPS1


But then you took an arrow to the knee!


Biggest cringe in the history of television, holy shit that show is the best.


well, it did say "most powerful"..http://www.flickr.com/photos/29320835@N07/2818020653


My ex told me my semen tastes like avocado. She loved avocado. I very seldomly eat avocado.

TL;DR - I make the best guacamole.

I cant believe my highest upvoted comment is about my own jizz.


As someone who **did** read the arguments on KiA, and still occasionally drops in. I would definitely claim that the majority of KiA and GamerGate is bullshit.


oh god. Or take a screenshot of the desktop, then put everything on the desktop in a folder off-screen. Then make the screenshot the wallpaper. Pisses people off in 3 seconds


Gabe is just a ver fat guy that doesn't give a shit about customers (and that's reasonable). He only cares about profits.


Imagine if you were sharing the dream, so if you could start lucid dreaming, you could have shared adventure dreams.


ffs just say you love soccer.


Sorry, it won't work on her eyes, you will continue to hurt her all the same.


You are obviously white, perhaps raised by republicans.  Or perhaps you are the police.


Guess I was asking for that, [but you can still](http://i.imgur.com/2mjuY.gif)


Not as funny as the heckler

Edit: ouch


he would also regularly encourage me to chase after ugly girls.  his logic (which proved to be true) is that ugly girls with hot bodies will work for it and fuck better than chicks with hot faces/bodies.  "bring me your lazy eyed, freckle faced, girl with braces in her mouth, and i'll show you a girl who takes it in the ass... because she has to."


Seriously, if you cannot envision the right hand rule or envision making the weird hand sign thing, you are not cut out for physics.


Poocasso strikes again


"The feels" That is what sociopaths say, because they don't have emotions


"I dunno, they might turn out a little unevenly cooked."


Hey so by now I should be licking your asshole.  I'm sorry for going off on you like that.  You didn't even say anything offensive and this bit isn't  really anything to defend to the death.  Good day sir thanks for obliging to the experiment.


I was told 86% by a howler monkey with a library card.


I'm fine with you thinking I'm a bad mod.

I'm not here to please you, in fact I couldn't give a shit less what you think.


Get your money back. It's broken.


Because I'm not a psychopath like you, and I have empathy. Therefore I know how it feels like to have your comment copied and taken advantage of by others, and I can empathize with /u/BAMFSoB.


SOMEONE... MKAY, JUST LAID A MUD MONKEY IN THE BOYS URINAL. THIS IS NOT FUNNY, MMMKAY?!?!??!?!!


and it's not. If he were a woman and said "I know what it's like to be called a slut because I'm called a whore and shamed for wearing low-cut dresses" then that would be fairly close. This is not fairly close. This is leagues away.


*Sung to the tune of Do You Want to Build a Snowman?*

It's only fucking snow, man
Come on, just let me sleep
To stay in bed, I'm predisposed
Keep the curtains closed
Don't want to hear a peep
It used to be so peaceful
But now it's not
I wish you would let me be
It's only fucking snow, man.
Stop freaking over snow, man.


Your father is in better shape than a lot of ~~men~~ **boys** my age (22). Good for him, that's amazing.


aka, don't get bitter, get better


Nothing like alienating alternative ways of life... So much for British tolerance.


Instructions unclear. Arrested for Domestic Violence.

Edit:: thanks for the Gold!


Beat me by 10 seconds but have an upvote


Is 1TB reasonable for a car?


too bad, this music should have died in a car accident and not his good friend


"Dearest Mother,

Colin Farrell's dick is fucking huge. Like, thick and heavy. A real veiny loaf of pure manhood. That's all for now.

Sincerely,

It's fucking big. Like a kaiju dick."


All I know is im 1600 elo and im going quit highschool to make it in the esport scene as the best player.


I really found him fascinating, bright. He taught me a lot about myself. I was always very liberal in the civil rights area, yet he made me think even deeper. he said to me "You wonder what it's like to be young and never see yourself on TV. You're not in commercials, there's no black Santa Clause on the street. You're invisible." That really struck me.


Furry ≠ Brony

The line is kind of blurry but it's there


It's the Shawshank method.


Yes. Equating a patriotic Christian American state with a terrorist Islamic country is certainly a cause for "Bravo." Also calling abortion "miscarriage" doesn't make it any less criminal or reprehensible.

Idiot. No wonder you can't sleep.


Homeless japanese guy

http://i.imgur.com/MBRp7En.jpg

edit: He is Chinese apparently. Upvote /u/keikun13


lol it almost killed me btw the texture pack is alternacraft #justsayin


It's always been good old hand and dick for me with nothing in between.


Take your shit novelty account and quit hijacking high ranked posts.


Ok ok. Suzy elf #749 here.
I'm just so happy I could make your daughters day. I don't think I'll ever forget how happy this has made me. I hope she makes tons of crafts, gets hyper off the candycanes, and cuddles with a new animal every night.


Well since when does taking a dump on a cop car or raping someone count as free speech?


Just seems like an overreaction.  I guess some people just like to always be the victim.


He sounds like he has a

*takes off sunglasses*

debilitating addictive personality that probably cripples any relationship he's ever formed.

**YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH**


That's not biased at all! Sure, we'll just take your word for it.


You pulled over on a dark road alone after that? You're the kind of person who dies first in a horror movie


“Multiculturalism is the process of turning White countries into non-White countries. Multiculturalism is code word for White Genocide.”


Especially because you're supposed to bing porn not google it


Reddit is incredibly anti-American and tries to give examples of bad American behavior with each comment when they don't represent us as a nation.


WE DID IT REDDIT!

Edit: Thanks for the gold!

Edit \#2: x5 gold‽


I'm actually really nice and polite in person. I just have a short temper when it comes to a (very) few number of things, and I actually see those things mostly in Reddit.

This is a serious post, by the way. Reddit just seems to find a way to always piss me off.


They must have recommended using a cat-apult to launch his cat at the cars


Yeah, we've all been on TIL before.


Maybe they *already have*.


Seems like a silly thing to get flustered over, but okay puddin, I'll consider it


I've met plenty of skinny girls who called themselves "fat" whenever they ate. Fat girls are usually the ones that DON'T call themselves fat...It'd be called like, a "curvy parade."


> Couldn't of

Couldn't have*

FTFY :)


I am. I assumed it was some type of kink.


What man? I'm just saying it was a beamer, oh god dammit. A BUMMER, I MEANT TO SAY BUMMER


who the hell is Alicia???


You guys are so niece.


That's absolutely incredible work


You mean retarded units, of course.


A child born for the purpose of becoming a sex slave?


He has a cup. Does Ovechkin?


"But you ain't got no legs,  lieutenant Dan"


Don't even remotely give a fuck, just the 2nd person in the ME TOO train didn't even bother to maximize what he was taking a picture of seemed pretty fucking stupid


Civilization: for when you want to learn about history, but also want it to suddenly be 6AM.


stfu my reading the FAQ doesn't change if there is a god or not and i've already researched about most of those things and still think you are just splitting hairs.


It is no coincidence that civilization appeared after the advent of agriculture. We are only 12,000 years removed from being nomads.


hey can someone buy me some reddit gold thanks ;0p


haha can't believe you thought that Morgan Freeman was Denzel Washington.


Please don't post this in TIL.

Edit: crap. I get home from work and already 83 downvotes. Aw well. I'll let the controversial comment stand. Punishment for saying such blasphemy.


LOL WTF

"Yeah, sweetie. Shot himself right in the head, 'POP!' I guess it's because you didn't find the clues fast enough. Well, I hope you do better with this next guy."

EDIT: Thanks for the gold! And all I had to do was accuse OP's mother of traumatizing her terribly at a young age.

10/10 would do again


Sorry I don't keep up with whichever celebrity we're hating at the moment!

EDIT: get off my lawn


The way you switched the side the dollar sign was on fascinates me.


Uhm, not sure what's the deal with that cat, but most are utterly stupid, and only care about you if they want to be fed or to sit on you for warmth.


Hey Johny.... Johny....hey is he wearin a fuckin Yankee's hat? I'm gonna shit on that guys fuckin head.


> My girlfriends ex husband raped her in front of her kids just like this.

No offense, but i would NOT be hooking up with someone like that.  Damaged goods.  And she has kids?  Get the fuck out man.


To protect from ozone poisoning, were you not paying attention?


le me used to look like le every other member of le family, but then le me took le arrow to le knee! #leLOLL!


> My mom

We have told this guy that his mom is a whore so many times he has started to believe it. Why don't we give ourselves a pat on the back.


The only shame I have at this moment, is the shame I feel for you individuals that want to shut us down.
You either have no life or have a life of leisure, to be able to get so wound up over a fucking blog and some stories.


Its not the Props dept job!! Its the director's job to hire a musician consultant!
EDIT:
If the producer says they can't afford that, then its the director's job to hide the poor physical acting.


Wait a second.

>"I'm gay and I expect all those things"

What you mean by that, are you simply a bottom and I have to treat you to then fuck you in the ass? Is it how it works?

Then what's the point of being gay if you behave like a cunt?


You win. Weirdest request ever award is yours, hands down.


I used to be a sick cat, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Your envelope lights up in /r/unexpected even if you don't have mail. Maybe other subs do the same.


Yo, little man, wrong all over. Not American (fewww...); Not religious - atheist, actually; Not abolitionist - human; Not from Connecticut; Not Republican. Leave Reddit and go back to tour trailer by the river.


I did that with Life a few times, and tried to do it with Risk because no one ever wanted to play a full game

In the end though it was difficult. I could never trust myself when I said I wouldn't invade Ukraine......

edit: well, this replaced my previous top comment regarding LSD. Who knew loneliness would get me sweet, sweet karma?


There needs to be a website/iPhone app combo for that.


Thank you for actually answering the question instead of just posting a shitty attempt at karma


Cool, nobody fucking asked about you.


Metallic... Yeah. Yeah it is.


Where we're going we won't need eyes to see.


Except one

He just glares at everybody for stealing his comments


So Brave.

Edit: I can tell I am being downvoted multiple times by the same person using alt accounts. My overall karma is stagnant whilst this post is depleting. Stay salty you fuck.


Being cut off from the bar isn't enough. They should always kick them out. Got angry when they never did this at the bar I worked


They were good, but even with Palmer they weren't real contenders.

EDIT: How is this so controversial? I hesitate to bitch about downvotes, but I've been absolutely buried here for no good reason whatsoever.


Nah, he'll just get made fun of - people laugh in the face of Danger.


I get a little excited every time I see units of measurement that aren't batshit insane.


We're looking at you, Skyler.


Lol what, downvotes? Really?


He used to be Ras al Ghul. Then he became Rasputin. Now he is simply Putin.


Please be a troll, sir.


Redefine your definition of confidence my man.

Confidence isn't looking at a girl and saying, "I know she'll like me." It's looking at a girl and saying, "I'll be fine whether she likes me or not."


Leeds flair referring to Manure as we?


You asked for a coin to be flipped, so I flipped one for you, the result was: **Heads**

 ----

  ^This ^bot's ^messages ^aren't ^checked ^often, ^for ^the ^quickest ^response, ^click ^[here](/message/compose?to=lizardsrock4&subject=CoinBot) ^to ^message ^my ^maker

 ^Check ^out ^my ^[source](http://github.com/lizardsrock4)


It was outdated the moment you thought "community should decide" wasn't absolutely moronic like the last 235142561361 times.


3rd leg? I always call it my 3rd knee. Why? So I have my left knee, right knee and we-knee.

Edit: I went to sleep like most days thinking my comments would be buried and appreciated by a few... I think this one content more than doubled my karma. And RIP my inbox.

 Thanks kind stranger for the gold. I'll continue mining for more.


The actor won an acting award at an acting awards show instead of his wife who is a lawyer? That's it? The whole idea that Clooney's marriage should have gained more attention due to his wife's achievments rather than because he is a celebrity who always got this sort of media attention is utter bullshit.


And this person is delaying an 11-year-old's education, apparently on account of their own bruised ego.


You're right, he should get fired.


He starts off upset with her and gradually starts to reflect the hate towards himself until the end where he's disappointed with himself more than anything.

Sounds like my marriage.


You drink canned water?


>Don't: Make comments that lack content. Phrases such as "This.", "lol", "upboat", or "MAN THIS IS SO COOL!!!" are not witty or original, and do not add anything noteworthy to the discussion. Just click the arrow -- or write something of substance.

A comment which breaks reddiquette has over a hundred upvotes simply because some non-celebrity posted it. What a bunch of sycophants.


Oh I get it

Edit: how the fuck do I have so much karma?

Edit: I have more karma than this post for saying eight words. Wow...


no, how is it possible that she never heard of it, dumb ass.


Haha don't worry, I'm sure you laugh like an idiot in private as well.


Are you retarded? Obviously that's not legitimate, that's just a lawsuit waiting to happen. How could you honestly ever believe Valve endorses this?

If CaptainBus is a representation of where the United States is going, this we're heading to hell. Just wow.


As soon as I started this IAMA my internet goes out.


>Vaccinations are massively, overwhelmingly beneficial

Is that your alleged skepticism talking?

>those who refuse to vaccinate their children do so on the basis of a thoroughly discredited study

Are you claiming to be a mind reader?


"This one time when I was asleep someone took my eyeball out of it's socket, poked at it, and then put it back in."  It's weird to me how you can say that without lying in the slightest...


We could probably have one hell of a sandwhich made by now. Sexism is pretty fucked up regardless.

Edit: fuck all you haters I stand by what I said #yolo2015


"Now listen Spongebob, I want you to go around back and put that *shovel* in the freezer!"

"Well sure Mr. Krabs, but what do you want me to do with the bo-"

"-ttles of soda! Bottles of soda, same thing, put them in the freezer."


I love it when people make these ridiculous mischaracterizations of SRS without a hint of irony or self-awareness. It's probably my favorite thing about the sub. It's just more proof that the SRS regulars are some of the best and most clever posters on reddit.


Hah,*I* don't have that problem.Mostly because I don't have a girlfriend.


She's fat and ugly, she could be wearing a potato sack, it doesn't make any difference.


INTERNET

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

INTERNET

STAHP


Why not just end your sentence?


holy shit, you do realize she probably knew.


lol in the second last pic it looks as if the kid has pooped everywhere and teh dog is like "wtf why did u poop when im not even allowed to poop in here????". XD rofll

edit wtf downvotes stop beinbg so gay


They grow everywhere on the east coast, you just probably haven't seen them.


21 people upvoting some keyboard warrior who wants to hit a woman because her voice annoys him. Fucking wow.


On tonight's uhhhh......show we have guest...uhhh....*credits*


If you are not implying anything, why are you making selected parts of the trial **in bold text?**


is it gay if you're 27? I'm asking for a friend.


You used a quote. So this meant you had to be quoting something from the link. I was going to gripe at you for using a quote for something that you wrote. Because of you I had to open the link. I confirmed it was a quote. On the bright side your quote was a quote, thanks.


Wow, a Dwarf Fortress analogy that manages to not be more complex than the original thing to explain.


I have actually repaired **le** main propulsion systems on **le** carrier. Goo ole Ike. Out of all **le** carriers I have worked, this is my favorite.


So the floor IS lava!


Who do they think they are, Hulu Plus?


I get RAPED with downvotes for explaining my upvote of the now 2nd top comment. Current top comment is treating this as OC


It's always animal going up the stairs, never going down


I used to lose 50 accounts, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


At least you weren't a silent rock. Heavy breathing is at least *some* noise. Next time when you have sex, bring a medium sized rock with you and place it next to her to see if you are being too quiet. If you can hear the rock, you should be making some more noise.


Criticism does not mean harassment.


hey, you should come over to /r/outside


I'm glad his kid is dead - we don't need anymore shitty genes clogging up the gene pool.


Instructions unclear, hid in a backyard boat in Boston.

Obligatory edit:  First Gold!  I'd like to thank my inspiration, the dude who hid in a boat in Boston while the city was under martial law.

Edit 2: aaaaand now my top comment is a bad satirical political reference.  Thanks, Reddit.

Edit 3:  I can't reddit this time of night.


Not really.  I have incredibly high standards for women to the point where I'm hardly even attracted to women.


So, what you're saying is our default state is to have a boner? That explains a lot.


Well the moon landing was faked so there wasn't a chance at all.


if he went to the cafeteria regularly, he would know


Downvotes guys, really?


Hey, thanks for that. Douchebag.


And sometimes I discover that I actually had to poop too.


Seriously? Do you have to say "fuck cancer"? Haters gonna hate.

Edit: Show me the cancer that downvotes me. You people are pathetic.


i want a picture of you managing to take that picture.


Not sure but grammo may have found something. I wouldn't be surprised if they did they photoshop while he was waiting for a flight to or from. This is a real photo I found after my gramps had died. I remember him talking about it but was never sure if it was real or not.


He looks legitimately concerned about that squirrel's mental health


You are the one who came on anonops on your home IP and claimed to be this person, plus you doxed like hundreds of people, most of them innocent.


You selfish asshole.


You know what, shut up. You exactly know what. Please, openly ponder more topics you don't really want to bring up. Either talk about it or don't.


He told his secret to [this boy](http://imgur.com/xGsu3Ft)


I don't think so. In fact, I'm surprised I don't have negative karma.

You're one of those /r/atheism noobs. You like a good circlejerk, you belong in this thread (hivemind circlejerk).


What is red and bad for your teeth?

[A brick](/s "")


woooheeee! haha! *chuckle* HAHAHAHA! hehehe!

*whistling*


Yeah, he'd rack up the karma.


Basketball is the most american sport ever. It doesnt matter what you can become or about hardworking, its about how you were born. You just have to be tall and thats 90% of it. Somewhere the Messi of Basketball is walking around but hes short so he will never become a pro. Basketball is hilariously retarded.


WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU COME FROM?


Im not an atheist, and i'd hate anyone placing themselves in a victim-role even-though they have nothing to complain about, at all.

edit: i also dont know what's judgmental about what i said. It's a fact that christians cant shut their yap about that faggot jesus, and cant stop complaining and wining because normal people live their lives without the guidance of an ancient book.


I think 8 years ago you probably were too.


Ask yourself: is it at all reddit-worthy?

That said, there's a subreddit for everything on this site. You may find somewhere to get karma from this. But not in r/WTF

EDIT: I stand corrected. This subreddit is a damn sight more sensitive than I thought it was.


Having fun isn't hard

When you've got a library card!


uh.... its not like you can do the RECOMMENDED SPEED TEST...

you are the only one to blame here.


"Pretty good" - Jesus


WE ARE NOT DA PWERSONAL ARMIE OF DA OP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LEAVE US AWONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


You are very immature for a 42yr old. I like you.


Is it me or is there a hint of Jew in it?


It bothers me that seemingly anything will get you registered as a sex offender these days.  People take that label very seriously, and it can instantly ruin your prospects of ever getting a good job.


Actually, embracing progressive and diverse readers is why comic sales are increasing.  Pandering to your tired old demographic is bad business.


Hey man, the poor baggage handler had to fight a dragon for that thing.


I changed it... But your right. It is.


"No. It's your fat ass that makes you look fat."


Eminem is a huge [homophobe] (http://www.gay.net/hot_topics/2009/12/eminems-still-rapping-homophobic-lyrics.html). He only did this because he likes Elton. Kinda like hitler keeping the Jew doctor that took care of his family safe and referring to him as the ["noble Jew"] (http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eduard_Bloch)


Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?

Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.


Its happened many times, that's why its a concern.....


Blizzard never contacted us about this, nor was the post removed to cover Blizzard/Jay's ass. It was removed because it's stupid drama that has no place on /r/diablo. We want /r/diablo to always focus on the game itself, not a tabloid news site.


You think this shit is a joke, son?[](/s Thank you, my fellow fedora wearing sirs)


shut the fuck up you lying piece of shit.  You karma-sucking whore.

That's not your friend's dog.  And its name is not Quasi.  Its name is Photoshop.


I'd have just driven over his cones, getting them stuck under the car, and dragging them off down the street.  Mine now bitch!


Hopefully he gets molested again and offs himself, all because of you. It's your fault.


'And God said to him, "Nigger, please", and all was good.'

- Harlemmes Globetrotterous 23:12


Then go for someone in their  20s


One of the best scenes in Airplane. Guy is just talking and swerving the wheel, you see the road weaving like crazy behind him, he hits a cyclist, and somehow ends up driving in front of a band of cowboys.


OK, but don't forget to stay with your president Wadny to... *live a good life!*

haha!!

------------------------

Hop on over to **9GAG** and join in on all the fun!


Yobbo is an Australian term for a dirty poor person, so this works.


Every time I bring it up, she cries until I say I didn't mean it.  I just hate seeing her sad.


i fucking love skeeball


Your parents seem like the worst great people ever. That's why you can't move out, because they keep passively aggressively abusing you.


A symptom of being cooked by most methods is feeling warm.


Wow... there are just as many IDIOTS here as at DIGG. How can this be a big win for HD-DVD???????

Maybe you mean... it's a big win for pirates like you. Because it's definitely a big loss for the format.

Stupid idiot.


It'll still be the wrong one


Would you say that today's America is the same America that was established 250 years ago?

I wouldn't.

This is the point that author was trying to make, in Mac OS X, UNIX has lost it's original purpose and intention. It has become the exact opposite.


I hope so, otherwise my mom is a slut


> No you've got it the wrong way round. You see, USA are the best team in the world (we beat Spain, don'tyaknow?), so any team will lose to them.

Every American on /soccer.


Cause Simon is the closest person to normal on that panel. Demi...what an awful thing to say.


Your comment was AUTOMATICALLY removed because it violates the verbal morality code.


Related:

My friend's little brother once said, "You know why I don't want to die?" (points up) "Dead dinosaurs.  They're waiting for us up there."


why? do you really think people will care enough to find his site? it's not a very funny comic, it's also not in english, which is the main demographic of reddit.


Suddenly your car is dented and red. They'll know.


no you need a source engine game on steam, so the comment is still valid.


That too, but it's mainly the pants.


how is this /thread?

it didnt help OP get unbanned yet so no, not /thread.


I hate how they always get you on the shipping and handling.


You're replying to a comment that's over two months old and you're commenting on the quality of *my* life. How funny.


And Carly totally backed out and didn't do anything, she just stayed in the same hotel room that we were fucking in, the entire time, for some reason, instead of going home.


This is clearly the start of a sex scene.

/'MURICA


Exactly.

Billions of stars in our galaxy alone, and billions of galaxies. There are just too many rolls of the cosmic dice for there not to be life elsewhere.

Personally, I'm of the opinion that there are civilizations out there that are a million years ahead of us, a million years behind us, and everything in between.


It barely even made contact. My grandma does more damage on her drive to church every Sunday.


wtf he actually did it

Edit: [Okey](http://imgur.com/O84ZixU)

Edit2: [2 years on reddit](http://memegenerator.net/instance/58287171)


you were the redditor this reedit deserves but not the one it needs.


Ahaha! Classic your mom!


Hey dumbass, don't you think that if I did it for karma, I wouldn't have admitted to lying in the first place? No, you didn't think of that, did you?

It makes it hard for me to feel bad about this when the people who are angry can't put 2 and 2 together. People like you deserve to be exploited. Your entire purpose on this planet is to provide gain for someone else.


It's because it doesn't come out at the same angle or pressure each time


were your fat fingers too heavy to lift from the 's' key in time?


All the young kids with the pumped up dicks


Dude, you eagles fans are so annoying. Relax, no marquee FA wants to sign there. The patriots can easily give him 9M per also. And if so, he's obviously going to stay there rather than go to PHI.


A friend of mine had his boss walk up to him while waiting to go into the church.  Boss handed him the keys his truck and said "There's 10 grand in the back and the tank is full, leave now".  Turns out the boss wasn't kidding.

divorce a year later.  She took everything and left him with insane amounts of debt.


I just don't see how a dog's well-being or life is that important.

It's an animal. We kill and eat animals like dogs (and sometimes even dogs), so why should we get our panties in a bunch if someone owants to kill/hurt their dog? We let people do it with pigs and hickens and cows all the time and pigs are more intelligent than dogs.


He is implying he was born king. what a douche.


I think I've seen some of these on Facebook set to a blurry background of a flower.


Wanting to kill your father is pretty awful.  The reason is unclear right now but that is pretty fucked up.


Cause of death: not dying


Blow your fucking brains out, you victim blaming piece of human garbage.


He associated speaking with looking and if he couldn't see your face he just didn't realize you could still communicate without watching someone's hands and face


Cool story, bro

Edit: Why am i getting downvoted? because i liked his story??

Sorry wont happen again&#3232;\_&#3232;


Marilyn - Dad,  what did you use for your foundation?

Mandad - concrete,  of course

/r/mandadjokes


I have actually gained 1 subscriber :)


Shit son I fucking LOVE the movie Tangled.

Edit: Words


Ya know, this is like saying you want to kill yourself because someone forced you to eat cake.You love cake, but not that particular brand of cake, and now I want to kill myself because I was forced to eat it and it was just mediocre cake and I seriously just was not in the mood for it. How can i go on living now that I had this cake in my mouth?


Humans don't necessarily live at the South pole and they're some there. What's to say the polar bear wasn't conducting Antarctic research?


Yeah but either way, it looks hella funny and gay XD


A square is just a circle that has gotten its shit straight.


You're a dumbass for not knowing that shortcut. I thought this website was full of intellegent people. I am **downvoting** your two comments accordingly, "Blamemeta" :-)


Haters gonna hate ^hate ^^hate ^^^hate


let me guess...you're sitting at the table?


/r/nocontext

EDIT: shit guys, my most voted comment is just a subreddit link, fuck you

^(jk, love you, ^but ^seriously, ^fuck ^you)

PS: Stop it, it does make sense in context


Well... If you were to take this exact scenario and genderbender it, you've got a chick streamer who screams "niggerfaggot" at a webcam, crying about how her boyfriend leaked her titpics, and asking KiA to be her personal army.

I'm not sympathetic to either of this or the original scenario.


I swear to Christ there was a question about "what happened to that picture of Bobby Knight in Ron's office?".
Where did it go?!?!?
What the fuck are you trying to do to me, Reddit?!?!
You're not the one. Can you see me right now?


DAE FUCKING HATING CHRISTIANS???


Holy shit that's better than gold! Why aren't you jacking that horse off right now?!

edit: Wow my first gold and my highest rated comment by far is about masturbating a horse. I love reddit


That was amazingly narcissistic.


Player 1 wins.

Edit: To the user who gilded me, I'm so sorry. This is such a low effort comment.

Edit 2: Let's try to bring me down to 1 so I don't feel guilty for being a well-received shitty contributor.


you're very not good at not giving a fuck. karma is worthless.


I can't tell you how much creepier you made this with the, ':-p' face...


>you kids belong with you?

Well since they came out of my body yes.

There is no fight to win. If there is a divorce how many dads do you see wanting full custody of their children? For any other reason than their dick heads or they mother is unfit.

Most mens idea of being a good father is seeing their kids every other weekend. And they still need a baby sitter.


Two cows are in a field, one says to the other "I'm really worried about Mad Cow Disease, wouldn't it be awful to have that?" The other cow says "Oh I'm not worried about that, I'm a helicopter!"


because sometimes dumpster babies dont have good memory, k?

edit: ouch.


Yeah Mark! Come on, English the fuck up.


You're trying too hard to make him sound like this was justified.

fuck you.


Become a boxing champion.


**Corrected:** You're making a **seen*.


Apparently, one of the core beliefs of Scientology is that fear, and negative emotions like it, are a disease that can be overcome. That's a large point of the film's plot.


MOMMMMYYYY!!!!! WAT ID DA APETOL SCIENCE HANDHEWD POLTOL DEVICE?????? GOO GOO!!!!


You weren't friendzoned by that girl, you just never made an effort, or she *doesn't find you attractive*.


Biden was an obnoxious old fart who could only resort to calling Ryan a liar whenever he explained his position and then having his pocket moderator stop Ryan from defending himself. The American people noticed. Ryan won the post-debate polls I saw.


ATGATT: All the gear all the time.

Sweating is more comfortable than skin grafts


I'll add your evidence-free opinion to all the others. :)

EDIT: OK, r/energy is not seeing through your dishonesty - it seemed totally obvious to me, but I have read each of the reports ;) - see below.


Fearing for their "safety"? Did I actually read that correctly? Safety from being seen with* a dude who said a word he was asked to say.

Holy fuck. There's stupidity and then there's this.


Wow something I've haven't seen before.


And just as your jaw hits the ground, OP comes out of nowhere and ejaculates in your mouth. But that's not the dickish part.


Upvote for the Firefy reference.


"I have been told by many of my friends that my Frostbutt Irelia skin that I received from the mystery skin distribution is sexy, wonderful, and awesome. I, unfortunately, can't tell. I'm gay and she just looks like Irelia to me. But thank you for making me look hot to my opponents and teammates."


HEY UH... I BET SOME ASSHOLES GONNA COME WITH A JACKED UP TRAILER AND NOT READ THE CLEARANCE....

  BETTER RAISE IT UP ANOTHER TWO STORIES.


>I would hate to be this *deer* in about five years

FTFY shitlord


Link or no sauce

edit: now that I look at your username... lol :) upgoat


His secret is being really good looking.

That or this story never happened.


Ha, jokes on you. We don't even get a bonus in the Air Force. I actually find it sad that the other branches have to bribe their people to stay in.


Thanks Austria. Nice place otherwise.


Well if you are going to be like that...then no.

I actually had the nice idea since so many people on reddit seem keen on it that I would use it to raise money for some humanitarian cause in Ukraine but some you seem to be just vengeful or something I'm not sure there is enough good motive and it will just turn into some sort of witchunt against me again.


No need to clarify that it's big. We all have seen your wife.


lmao it's like i'm 10 years old again and dick jokes are funny

well it's not really a joke. it's more like "hey this word is one letter off of a dick word!  let's change it!  FUCKING GENIUS!"


Especially when it gets in your eyes. Game  changer. Fuck that's a life changer. You don't ever get that shit out. You just become hash eyes begging on the street


Fucking creep, seriously.


I am consistently amazed by both the number of novelty reddit accounts and how they always seem to show up in exactly the right thread.

EDIT: Nice, now I'm a fatcat. Thanks!


LLOL

Literally Laughed Out Loud


This is my first and probably last comment in this entire thread.

I just want to tell you that what they did is fucked and you didn't deserve it. It's no wonder that you have the problems that you do.

Also, I want to say that there are some very good women out there. If you find one let her know.

Just look at the responses to your post. People generally care and want you to be happy.


**LOL OP is a faggit!**

I bet cha he got pritty familar with the taste of a nuckle sandwich amirite!?! :-D

Upvote guys if you think this kid got his ass beat in school LOL!


and it sticks to the ribs


hahaha dragon left slayers and deserves to lose. you dont just ditch the Emperor and shame SlayerS. GO SLAYERS


nobody knows what she's about


What a stupid looking baby, his fat rolls make me want to puke.


> happiest little lobster

Now I'm sad


People shouldn't have the right to stick to their morals and thus should be forced to do something they believe will give them eternal torment. Good to know you're an incredibly empathetic individual.


I could see him spelling it "*Maxi1000000*".


I think we should keep the internet uncensored. And legalize marijuana. And fuck Rick Santorum.


Clean joke thread CLEAN JOKE THREAD


If she is a bitch it's okay.


There are like 9 total ingredients at Taco Bell, all sealed hygienically, stored at the proper temperature, and heated to kill everything.

This is based on a standard process that has been repeated and perfected millions of times.

If you get diarrhea from Taco Bell, you are an evolutionary failure.


I'd take her for a class too.

edit: **take** her for a *class*  ^yukyukyukyuk


Turn on, Turn off, Turn on, Turn off, clap 3 times, Turn back on, face northeast, hit volume up 17 times, hum the theme song to mash, hit left right left right up down up down select power. That easy.


Guess what. Use your eyes, there are eight sandwiches there. Fuckin' eight. Sometimes someone has to eat the shitty heel sandwich, but that's life.

Edit: People like the heel sandwich?! Really?


Maybe Fischer thinks that all asians look the same?  Ever think of that?  Huh?

Edit:  Forgot a letter


At least now you and Barack Obama have something in common.

Woof.  *burp*


Little spoon is best spoon. Your arms don't fall asleep. She'll touch your weiner everynow and again. Sometimes I get my head scratched. All in all little spoon all the way.


> for you.

FTFY


If you can't be married to her for the rest of your life, at least let her be married to you for the rest of hers.


I LIKE TO PLAY WITH MY DING DONG


No that's just Bavaria, it's the Texas of Germany.


So in other words your mother got drunk and horny one night, but rather than admit she fucked your father she's calling it "rape", got it.


every dollar you earn, pretend you only have 25 cents.


some people have lives


Nslaves.

The n is silent.


>Lost a ranked game


Or when somebody is trying to "hack" their system.  "He's good.  But I'm better!" as they clackety clackety clackety and try to stop them.

And then some stupid skull and crossbones logo or some shit pops up on the screen.


And you're the one who came in swinging with that sort of language.

It's like you have the memory of a goldfish.


Just do what i would do any other day really.


Upvote solely for username.


Alcohol can make me pretty sick. It survives in beer.


I'm a proud fan. That's what usually gets me bullied. Don't like it? Sue me.


Yeah, OP. Do the chickens have large talons?

EDIT: Sweeet! I got gold for my Napoleon Dynamite quote! This is pretty much the sweetest gold I've ever gotten.


BEST UJHAIHF OUT AJOSDF JAOSOFDASDF OF THIS


I love how Jatt throws his pen at him right after.


I'm blocking you so I no longer have to read your stupid fucking comments that contribute nothing to this website.

Have a nice life moron.

*BLOCKED*


alternatively,  waking up in a dry room and rubbing your nose only for the dry rock booger to stab you.


Equating veganism with homosexuality now?  Fucking hilarious.. bonehead.


They smear dirt on themselves as a display of wealth.


His restaurant probably fired him already for posting it.


wait a minute...if your camera is in the picture of you taking the picture...

HOW DID YOU TAKE THE PICTURE OF YOU TAKING THE PICTURE?

I demand answers and/or declare it witchcraft.


Don't do this unless you're a pussy and a hypochondriac.


Not really but I saw a music video with a man jumping around being a bit silly, with funny thing on top of his head. But other than that nothing bad or weird!


Um, no. What abs?

Those were ribs, from a severely malnutritioused woman


Well I guess they were

•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)

Captivated


You mean the age at which women were commonly having their first child during 99.9% of the history of the human race?  The age which only recently was deemed to be part of childhood, and even then not in many of the countries of the world?

Yeah, forgive me for not being appropriately 2012-style prudish, I'll leave the pseudo-Victorian shit to others....


We had to fight hard for Homer falling down the canyon in Bart the Daredevil and it worked well. My favorite was getting put in the ambulance then it crashing and him falling down again.


No, he is not Steve Jobs. He is an employee. The best employee in the company, but an employee nonetheless.

The front office screwed this up, but Cousins needs to move on and play to his ability. He also needs to lead.


Scarlette Johansen.  She is historical, right?


HOW DOES ONE GET DOWNVOTED ON CIRCLEJERK!!?!!?


Hey guys look at my massive ~~dick~~ [pear](http://www.imgur.com/oCeFb2c)!


I'm only upvoting this because of your username in relation to your comment.


2 Kings 4:35

>Then he returned, and walked in the house to and fro; and went up, and stretched himself upon him: and the child sneezed seven times, and the child opened his eyes.


It wasn't &#3232;\_&#3232;


I think that the real concern is that the mushroom left you a dollar. I mean, what does that even mean?!? Is it a bribe? Have fungi learned higher emotions like compassion and kindness?

Really makes you think...


It is, though. The idea that female's chastity needs to be "protected" from threatening men is exactly patriarchy.

Edit: The failure of the libertarian movement to make any effort toward understanding sexism and racism in society today is incredibly disheartening.


Except you probably only gave her it because she's a girl.  Way to continue gender stereotypes, and continue the idea bitches have that everything in life is literally going to be handed to them, in your case $5 bill style.


At first I was astonished that you let her get past toddlerhood still coddling her attitude. Then I realized that your post implies that she's 21, and you're *still catering to this shit*.

She is 21. She can make or buy her own food.  LET HER.


HEY WEDDIT I PWAY DA POKEYMON TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WANA PWAY DA POKEYMON WIT ME WEDDIT?????????????????????????????????????


How old do you like your bitches?


He is an employee. He works for Vivek and the front office. They hold the cards.


This is it exactly. The guy has been an elected official for over 20 years.

Remember the whole thing where George Bush 1 didn't know how much a quart of milk cost? Because he hadn't been to a grocery store in over 20 years? Same shit.

These guys live in a parallel fucking universe to citizens they supposedly represent.


Sorry about the whining, I was trying to turn around jamesisverycute's comment around so I don't sound like a robot.

Any suggestion of Benoit is going to bring about discussion about Benoit.

Actual discussion in this subreddit should never be buried because people disagree or are tired of it.


more of a purple loin cloth?

http://imgur.com/4THtq


Vigilante punishment, not real punishment.


I have a business degree from the University of Washington. Business school does not teach you how to run a business, they teach you how to be a good employee for a hedge fund or a bank.


Flying cars? NOPE. Only a fool would say otherwise.

Hoverboard? Only if you are a gullible moron.

Power Laces: Not confirmed at all, and will fail after a month.

Bonus: Power Laces are a retarded idea.


This is more reasonable than most kickstarters


I sincerely hope not. What purpose would it serve? Other than the obvious karma.

**edit: d'awwww, so much butthurt. I'm honored.**


Oh man, I totally forgot that was an actual punishment in that show. I need to watch it all again.


It's not at all like asking to purchase your child. Do you have children?


Gotta pay the troll toll if you wanna get into that boy's hole, you gotta pay the troll toll to get in.


I can't believe a grade schooler is on Reddit. This is f*cking embarrassing


" I don't see race. I've evolved beyond that. I just pretend everybody is white and it's all good." Stephen Colbert


Not unlike the patriots 18-0 season.


The gramatically correct phrase is "dem eyes"


she's not "better off with money" she actually wastes quite a bit with 200 dollar shoes and 90 dollar hair cuts.  She can afford to pay more.


Things that float are boyant.


Wow, it took you this long to get it? Retard.


That's only the members of parliament, isn't it?


It's a "figure of speech".  Women today wear bras much less often than women then, and the have saggy tits to show for it.


Sounds like that guy was more of a wife recycler.


Wow, I'm stopping this fucking circlejerk right *here*. Get a life redditors, seriously.


hey fuck you.  YOUR name has a blue background!!  Oh... sorry.  thanks


idk he was pretty clear...


find the song called "it's art" at youtube


This answers literally nothing, but is still very interesting and I'm glad you made your comment.

Edit: Are y'all motherfuckers going on downvote brigades through my comments? Comments from 4 days ago just went down.


Absolutely.

I encourage you to do that number 1. And don't call me Mr. Wiseau, I hate that, but I wish you luck in new direction in my life, and play football before you to go bed, and play football before you drink, before you get tipsy.

ABSOLUTELY - be the first one! Send me the clip! Absolutely! An invitation maybe! I wish you luck!


I cant believe people buy into this shit. It is OBVIOUSLY a fake bear. Sheeple man sheeple.


Your neutron-poison buildup must be slowing you down

because there's only room for one nuclear fuel in this town

your **k** ain't so effective and your burnup is shit

so why don't you make like a compound nucleus and split


http://i.imgur.com/CQojkDS.jpg

Edit: The downvotes prove it!

Eddit: keep the downvotes coming "Fucking Faggots"!


Doug here, that's pretty much how it went down. I have the rover also programmed to sing ME happy birthday on my birthday, the guys at NASA never remember. At least all my robots do.


LOLOLOLOL!! DAE DASHCAMS IN RUSSIA?


If you replace "Asian" with "human," the question becomes valid and rather sad.


You know what dulls the pain? Food.....oh wait


Taking their first date to a place where you can't talk is a pretty good indication...


I used to think that that gif was the best reverse .gif yet, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


When mobile users get revenge

😛😳😣😜😁😳😛😝😚😄☺😝😜😌😅😫😆👷😬😕😯😶👷😐😬😑😏😡😵😴😎😱😥😰😅😓😩😩😫😷😷😈😧😧😦😟😟😖😤😡😜😒😌😚😗😊😢😣😜😙😙😂😭😭😘😍😛😂😣☺☺😞😀😊😙😗😃😄😎😪😥😴😵😰😰😅😲😟😓😓😆😦😧😫😨

Edit: Lol at everyone still trying to hop on the karma train


Don't fucking read it, then.


Im a guy that works at a theater. Sorry to say this is not how it works. You just get it prepped and ready to go and it does the rest.  The only other reason you woudl be there is if something is wrong.


You know if you want to bitch about things bitch about the utter shit that gets posted - not something that is actually on topic.

And if you can't figure out how someone who played a major part in one of the largest technological advances in human history relates to being secular then I suggest you sue your teachers for failing to educate you.


Can confirm. I once broke into an expensive members only Golf club. Wasps swore at me a lot calling me "filthy pleb" and things until I was forced to flee.


Did you need therapy or medication?


It also helped me discover I was allergic to penicillin


What skills exactly? Being able to make primitive shapes? Or not being able to understand the very basics of Photography.

Oh, it's a girl, in which case: OMG I AM SO IMPRESSED YOU SHOULD RUN FOR PRESIDENT OR SOMETHING


If Google tells you "Cross the Walt Whitman bridge and stay the night in Camden!"  it is probably a joke, like the "jet ski across the Atlantic ocean" directions. They don't actually expect anyone to do that.


Lawl ^ oblivious console gamer. I know what's on sale on steam like the back of my hand.


Damn. I want to get off Littlefoot's wild ride!


"maeby' your, a nigger, who cant, not, even do grammer properly .


Yeah, you can tell it's not false modesty. His self-loathing is real, despite essentially being the most popular contemporary comic ~~on the planet~~ in the United States.

edit: Sorry, my American myopia got the best of me.


Meh. Couldn't give less fucks about your opinion. The point of the post is to motivate... Not how neatly a 7 year old can write. Looks like some of you champions missed that. Carry on.


**THINGS TO DO**

* ~~play rugby~~


Ha Ha your parents died.  You should kill yourself.


Dang your brother could've had sex twice that night.


it's teabaging. it looks like they're humping it. it's really stupid


Yeah, true.  The person I live with made a point of only eating salad for four months summer before last.  The bastard lost 60lbs.  Zero exercise, he said he was saving the weights for when he'd lost the flab.  Which he did, and then he started lifting a few weights at home.

Zero cost, zero exercise, ridiculously amazing results.  Total bastard.


Too bad the title ruined it.


TIL terrorists like to garden.


And I think that gay people can defend themselves. Maybe they want you, straight people to just fuck off and leave them be?


On the same note, when Andy Bernard went sailing for a while he was filming The Hangover 3.


Just making a point don't be rude.


Pretty little Mary. She's a fat bitch whore, but that's pretty okay in our book.


That's funny. In the hour or since your comments, I've gotten downvotes on all my comments, and anyone else who commented in favor or in compliment of my post was also downvoted in the negative. It's pretty obvious that you are manipulating this post. I need to step away from the computer? Ok, dude.


The first time I 69ed it was in a dark room, and I remember squinting as hard as I could to see this mythical butthole. I had never actually seen another butthole before.


Nothing, including me. I'm not going to stop someone from finding the perfect match for them. If I'm her perfect match, she's not going to find anyone she prefers. So I have no reason to care what she thinks of other guys.


Mob gets mad at film making fun of their religion/traditions

Mob proceeds to act in way that legitimizes image portrayed by film.

The cycle is complete


You know who should have given some heads up? The doctors when they vaccinated these children and forgot to mention to the parents that it would give their children autism.

Who the shit would be buying a 10am ticket to a movie, other than the parents of retards? Nobody, so this discussion is pointless.


So you are saying even though he robbed food from you guys......his meal was delivered??


really man u r spending to much energy on it :)


If you fuck up we will shoot you again.


Look, this guy wants to prove he can do math.


The problem is that people that are not in the medical field say "I was out shoveling snow and pulled a muscle, now my chest hurts" not realizing that the excess activity caused a heart attack. All chest pain is a heart attack until we do an EKG, chest X-ray and troponins. Until then, I don't care what your story is, unless the chest pain is from a stabbing or shooting.


***I used to be an adventurer like you... THEN I TOOK AN ARROW TO THE KNEE!***


Probably the best moment of my career was landing the 900, as you, in Tony Hawk pro-skater.


You are right.  I mean, why make the bed when it's just going to get slept in and messed up again?  Why mow the grass when it's inevitably going to grow back?  Why do the dishes, they are just going to be used again. . .


WELL THEN.

I WASN'T GOING TO BRING ANY OF THOSE UP BUT HEY. I GUESS THE CAT'S OUT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING BAG.


Being a sniper in a military that openly violates several articles of the Geneva Conventions (like the ones about resource and land theft) and UN agreements about torture and child prisoners is sooooo bad ass.


ELI5: what is object permanence?

No, really.


Guess who is in the cat's eyes reflection. :D


OOOOHHHH SHIT. YOU DODGED LARGEST BULLET BRO.


I hate to break it to you, kiddo... Harry Potter isn't real.

Harry Potter and Twilight deal with the same sorts of themes. If you to think one has more literary value than the other, you're deluded.

50 Shades, however, *is* complete filth.

Downvote away.


There are no accidents...


Do you know how easy it is to get karma on this cesspool of a site?


I think I'd make mine Scary Terry. I'd have miniature swords for fingers instead of knives!

"You can run but you can't hide, Bitch!"


''Nice work''? What the fuck did he do that was so nice?

''Not a fun way to die''?

You're a bright one, aren't you? Have some respect, that was a human life, for fucks sakes.


I know, right? I never expected the helicopter to turn into a plane.


w/e this was a 3,5k move


Really? 'I saw the twist coming' now counts as intellectual pretentiousness?

What must it be like to live in a mind so small...


Well, it was the woman who came up to me and said "I call one thigh BEN and the other thigh JERRY."


This should be higher up... aaaaand with that shitty paint you shouldnt be worried about scratches anyway.


He always wins you said, fuck him.

Edit: Relax, it's a joke ladies and gents. He doesn't need to be fucked.


Or do you get exited of seeing his dick?  Just as an example: Pussy being exiting = 45% vs. dick in pussy being exiting: 100%
Gay alert.


I can't even imagine what kind of nightmare that must have been. There you are on a set made to look like a spaceship, with a bunch of people dressed up as monsters/aliens, all the while having to pretend to be another person, then having to deal with hallucinations?

Fuck that.


Rofl your joking right?


If you're using your dick as a gynecologist... I think you're doing something wrong.


No you weren't. You were exaggerating how rich your family is.


Thinking that all Americans are stupid/ignorant is like thinking all Germans are Nazis.


C-C-C-C-C-C-COMBOBREAKER


Not like you're suggesting. I'd say if anything its something that word gets around on and women are curious at the very least. Some cross their legs immediately, and that's totally their choice.


A stunning comment, I should introduce you to my nice.


A mysterious gas cloud of alien origin envelopes the Earth, turning all womens' hair red.  Like season 1 Scully red.  The gas cloud also has a sterilization effect on all the men, except for one fat writer with a small wiener.  Women, however, discover they are able to retain their fertility by dressing like it's 1986, and the salvation of the species begins in a giant room lined with black fur.


noone forced you to click on it you should have exited when the flashbacks started


Honestly I'd be bummed out if he WASN'T an asshole.


That Band is Suburban Legends, one of the best third wave bands, and that Trombone Player was DALLAS COOK, one of its founding members.

The fact that you are blowing it off like it is meaningless tells me you are a fucking poser.


That's because "thank you for your service" is super easy to say and has literally no meaning today. People want to give the impression that they care, investing in veteran benefits and fixing a truly broken system requires actual attention to the problem and actually doing something about it.

Edit: thanks for the gold!


Or they just think the user is a faggot, like I do. Bye Shitty_Watercolour, you won't be missed!


Because she's getting out-debated. She's just yelling over him and acting like he's not getting it because she's got no other ammo.


lmao ur prob just a loser


I too, was not expecting a real life, interesting and relevant example. I don't know what to do now.


Are we sure this kids uncle wasn't chuck norris?


I see skies of black

Hills of white

Craters of grey

No day and night

And I think to myself

What a visually bland mooooooon

EDIT:  Holy shit, my first gold and it's on my porn account.  Thanks, person!


Not always. If a review says "this game gave me cancer and aids at the same time" I know the game is terrible, and I get a chuckle out of it too.


Don't worry we already did


It's more of /r/im14andthisisfunny though


Building.....insufficient funds.


you have some sort of mental illness


I first thought you meant a strip growing out your ass and up your back


I'd be funny as hell to go up to him and say "are you expecting someone?" LOL

Edit: My comment karma is not showing properly, it should be less than -1000 already :'(  Anyone know why?


upvote.  I always hated the awkward, "Is _____ there?"


I totally agree.

Edit:  not what I said. :)


They say that blind people have a heightened sense of smell. Are you *sure* he never knew?


Evidence in terms of what? If you look through his comments, you can see multiple with the website edited in, with an edit star. Because he only posts links, what else would he be editing?


I still don't know. Explain?


I'm failing to catch wind of your poor attempt at humor.

Did you mean "Sinder"?

edit: My joke was better


Flies are terrible for sighted people too. It's an instinctual reaction to panic when one gets too close to your ear, because they sound huge, and that's all that matters to your fight-or-flight response.

Also, dick, penis, poop. I hope you have software that reads this out loud.


You are a fool. I am making a sound and rational argument, but you don't want to hear it. You'd rather pretend things are a certain way, and plus your ears to any contrary evidence.


Okay...I'm gonna walk away now


That was weeks ago, my life is much more than this website. **As soon as I found out it was a google extension, problem solved** for *me*.


Also zero guaranteed income or job security.


I know this may be difficult to wrap your head around, but butts aren't as sexualized in the rest of the world as they are in America.


He didn't fuck her but still ended up getting her wet.


MY DADDY SAYD DAT DA MONKEY PWESIDENT IS GONA RWUIN DIS COUNTWY GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It's cold in here, I said there must be some Toros in the atmosphere.


I used to choose the colors to make it look classy, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


"I'm not a racist ,you Persian cunts."