He sacrificed his memories so that we could have memories.


I've never seen Firefly or Community and I can't stand Arrested Development. I would have "whooshed" on that joke too. I would be content with my life if I never saw any of those shows again. They just are not appealing to me no matter how much people on Reddit cum their pants over them.


Um, a turd in the hand is worth two in the tush?

EDIT: **bows** Thank you, thank you very much...


just left the team a couple weeks ago, actually. too bad.

and yeah, he has his own subreddit, he can make the rules here and post what he likes. I was just providing context.


I saw the title and immediately checked Kickass.to. I didn't even know Kickass.so was a thing.


At least be direct with your homophobia, coward.

And everyone who upvoted you is a homophobe as well.

Edit: to all my downvoters http://i.imgur.com/8N2MWYI.jpg


"Pinkeye. Make sure your sister's panties are washed."


I think that's a vagina and a therefore a bitch. I say maybe because I'm not sure if those dots on its stomach are nipples or not.


*"I asked my uncle and he said his malpractice insurance prevents him from giving medical advice to people who aren't his patients"*


That wasn't his point.

Blood has been spilled for every reason under heaven. From fear, god and pure psychotic rage.


*Are you spiderman's dad?*


This is asking you to contact your government.


NOW THIS IS POD RACING


I dot know, I just saw it on my newsfeed today.


Terms of Enrampagement.


What LoL player? Please don't say its nightblue.


We don't worry too much about regular season, we show up for the playoffs.


Well, wanting to be the master is quite a bit different then wanting to be the slave.

That doesn't mean either is *good* but I'm not sure it's a double standard.


Jesus Christ I think my wife might be a cult leader


You got struck by the infamous /mensrights downvote brigade!


There is a huge difference between playing stupid and being lazy.

Playing stupid usually requires doing/saying something.


Could have been the other shooting in Aurora!


Even worse, slow walkers that walk right in the middle of the hallway or sidewalk so it's next to impossible to pass them.


Oh, what a sad thing it must be to not understand how a person could have a good time without drugs and alcohol. What a small-minded child you must be.


No; sperm is more sterile than other body fluids, like saliva for example, and will not likely transmit his disease.

To be safe, you should give him a blowjob every time you want to kiss him. Just in case.

Source: Totally not your boyfriend...


***DAE HATE THIS ASSHOLE WHO IS BEING SO MEAN TO THIS POOR CANCER GUY?  DAE HATE LE CANCER?  DOWNVOTE HIM AND UPVOTE ME FOR BEING LE CANCER GAY WHITE KNIGHT***

fuck off, dipshit


Promo shots, Merchandise,

Catches money, just like flies

Look Out!

Here comes the Spiderman^tm


Also, remember that teachers are usually female, and therefore more swayed by emotion than logic. Be pleasant and friendly, and you're much more likely to get what you're after than if you come in blustering and angry ... even if you are, in fact, saying the same things.


> I took a stab at IT

Already back to your old ways i see...


Wow, you're a dick, I don't know how you're getting upvoted you jackass.


Spent too much on bed, can't afford nightstand.


shut the fuck up you stupid cunt. without america your shithole country would be fucked. want to get raped by the chinese during the next century? then be my guest. you guys are americas bitch. deal with it.


Stupid network lag. It took a whole month to get to the printer.


Xd haha, u r so good with pun linezzzz xDDD


didn't the japanese do a bunch of fucked up stuff like this to the chinese?

a friend told me he went to a museum in china which showcased all these atrocities.


An american wouldnt be able to tell, but other people can.


I think this is why there should be an option to remove the text or not.


I find it rather offensive how straight men and women want to be *minoritiez* by pretending to be lesbians and gay men whilst shitting all over our spaces.


Dude, if you posted this to /r/trees it would shut them down for like 3 whole days.


This stuff is practically candy dumbass


I also hated this movie, until Uncle Rico appeared. The idea of a washed-up high school football player obsessed with time travel to relive his glory days? He should have been the main character.


Too late, already wrote GabeN...


All great things to get a parent to take their kids to McDonalds where they will demand fries, soda, and toys.

Edit: I don't mean that your kids would or that you would let that happen. I'm talking about those other kids and parents. You guys are perfect.


Well I never claimed I was just standing back.


"I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members." - Groucho Marx when resigning from the Friar's Club.


Pretty sure Quaresma had a couple great games.  So did Ben Arfa.  TOTY material right there.

Where is Arshavin now?  Real?  Bayern?  GREAT PLAYER RIGHT THERE BOYS


Aren't you worried that you might be agreeing to them sewing your mouth to another person's butthole?


last I checked blue buff doesn't effect energy in anyway and is only about mana regen and cdr

edit: it would appear I was in the wrong, and didn't know my blue buff in the least bit


You sound like a broken man.


Haha. In what alternate universe did that happen?


I think it might be time to call an animal abuse agency, to come and take the dog.


It saddens me that the world has come to a time where pansey's would rather talk over a problem than go immediately to fisticuffs or a gentlemanly duel.

Not punching someone when you have the opportunity is really fucking lame.


If he did get sex that night, then that girl is wife material.


Really? News to me buddy.


You were 5. Five year olds don't understand consequences well.


Uh, you might be alone there bud.


In between her legs, for $150 per hour.


My penis tells me that I am not a troll. I believe one day men will be able to do anything a woman can do, including birthing children. Women privilege will be a thing of the past. ITS OKAY TO HAVE A PENIS Y'ALL.


Only when you have a boner.


Downvote.

edit: LOL


I was dropped a couple times as an infant and I also telephone of dog potato.


Don't disrespect, I was trying to make him feel better about his shitty drawing.


I didn't even realize Mars had weighed in.  Cool to see planets looking out for each other.

"Just look at Venus dude; you don't want to end up like Venus."


She speaks with poor enunciation and a limited vocabulary. Also, swearing at children. So it's ironic.


The ones who do...good party trick.


War is very real. Hell is purely imagined.


Aaaaaaaaand I've submitted you to /r/nocontext


A good sport in sports is an overall loser.


Every time I am driving a bit too fast and the car skids a little, I think "aww shit, not again. I just jumped into the reality where I survived." I feel bad for leaving all my friends and family in the old dimension having to deal with me being dead and shit. Then I search my house for new light switches, which is always the biggest pain in the ass part about dimensional shifting.


You are welcome I guess.


and the car tires have full air.


Who gives a fuck?

So when does it come out for PC??


Don't worry, it's not what you think. She just used the batteries to peg your father with her vibrator.


> Twitch is an upright Rat, Alistar is a Minotaur. Minotaurs don't have "four legs". There's a reason his actual legs have hooves and his arms have, you know, penis.


He's gotta prepare for his Kanye Quest.


I used to type in bold like you, but then they took some marrow from my knee!


No, stupid, there's gorilla IN the glass.


Don't cut yourself on that edge.


Is this a garage door? ~~Sorry for being American.~~

Edit: Because fuck you I'm an American. Luckily I haven't been deported to Canada yet.


What kind of fags would downvote this?


"I guess that makes me an asshole, too."


FAAAKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

no woman is that openly submissive, if they were they would have couched it just a little. no one is that self-depreciation outside of real life.


The title of this thread is very different from the article title.


A rice cooker every year for the rest of your life.  It's like your won the Asian version of Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes.


not sure if serious or joking.


Just make up your own like everyone else


NO 4 CHAN MEMES ALLLOWED! every1 down vote him! this is reddit so u have 2 use reddit memes !!

edit downvotes realy? this isnt the redit i remember


This man has been to hell and back.


Because a bunch of accounts made by a butthurt 10 year old are going to reply to this post.


I am a pure gentleman. I hold open her vagina and let her in first.


What are the odds of the one fucking comment on this upload being exactly what I was going to say?!


My heart was pounding reading this. I was so scared for you.


That sounds like something a pedo would say, but then I realized this is reddit.


Upvote for you being cute


whoever made that knew what they were doing


**Crush** is typing

*crush stops typing*

**Crush** is typing

*crush stops typing*

**Crush** is typing

*crush stops typing*

**Crush** is typing

**Crush:** aww


That's sad that your choices are based on knee jerk reactions to things you dislike and choosing what is perceived to be the opposite.


I'm a straight white male in school in my twenties on reddit.

Also, literally Hitler.


I reported it. Fuck that bullshit


"I haven't read a single book since high school!"

-__-


make up a story of how it was because you were a female that he acted this way. make some $$ op


This sounds like it would be great for computing on my lap.


because it's so impossible to have a good life as a woman unless you're a freakin model.... you do realize half of the world population (even more, actually) are female, right? do you think all women are like your imaginary anime girls? grow the f**k up, losser.


Hey guys, what's up? Casting a spell or something?


Shitty yes, dirty no.

EDIT: 14 people downvoted me. Where are your 14 comments telling me why I'm wrong?

EDIT2: Come at me internet warriorz!


To the eight hundred people who came here to say this,
we heard you; you don't need to post it afresh.
Believe it or not, there are others on reddit
whose gaze is attracted to jiggling flesh.


I don't need to. Pigs already don't believe in gods. In that respect, they're smarter (by default) than most Americans.


"I'm sorry ma'am, you appear to be too stupid to own a laptop, I'm going to need to confiscate that."


What hole?  Is this affecting me somehow?  I'm just some redneck from the woods.  Calling you over-emotional babies effects me zero.  Your opinions of me or how I live my life effect me zero.  This is just another night I don't regret.  And you people are fucking emotional.


It isn't like the world economy is about to slump, driving down demand, or anything.


>Too bad I'm broke....

I bet that's a constant, running theme in your life.

Edit: Calm down eerrrybody, I was just pointing out that people who buy these kinda games have probably made a lot of bad life and financial decisions before and destined for this kind of hardship. That's all.


There was a kid in my high school who would get into similar dialogues with girls in gym class (and other classes I'm sure) so he could lift up his shirt and show them the pump. Then all the girls would be like, "ooooh can I touch it?" So he'd have chicks stroking his stomach and shit.

He was also a big fan of the line, "slow down, sugar, I'm diabetic."


Because planes *totally* like, disappear all the time.


Oh god, I know nothing about most of this, and really don't care if people want to try to point out the effectiveness of torture, but calling it 'enhanced interrogation' is the hugest load of bullshit I've ever heard. It's like calling rape 'enhanced courtship'.


How is it inflicting pain on someone if you chose to have sex and therefore knew you could get pregnant?


This is probably the second greatest story on reddit.


I don't care about James Bond all that much. YOLT doesn't sound good though either, more like an energy drink. YOLT-O KOLA MON.


Dead eye stare: "Rick." Sustain eye contact until they are the awkward one.


Why'd you have to clarify you're a *straight* guy? You aren't exactly a minority.


I went canoeing with a girlfriend. She didn't do any of the paddling.

Metaphor for 3 years of my life.


Not trying to hate, although it may be trashy but some people are prowd of their bodies and the sex they have with their good looking bodies.

People who are ugly and leave miserable lives hate on beautiful people having sex.  I fail to see your view as a "cry for attention".  People who use this line are full of jealousy 99% of the time.


They probably spent that much on the marketing campaign to commemorate the occasion.


You're = You are.
Your = ownership of item/person/potato.
I didn't know this man owned Hitler.
How interesting.


I have never run into an asshole cop.  Actually the cops I have met and talked to were all nice and polite.


Nevermind. Apparently choosing the wrong words to express my opinion makes me a horrible human being. TIL.


As a killer of prostitutes I can confirm this.


Also this.

Edit: why so many downvotes!???!


Ok, well PM me an address (are you in the US) and it might take me a week 'til I get paid, gotta check my account.


What do you mean? This is how meta subs work. You find interesting content and then participate. It's always been this way. Even you are doing it friend.


I find your post strangely arousing.


I am Canadian and a good chunk of my friends and acquaintances are Muslim. I can assure you that this is not moderate Islam.


Agreed. I probably would have tried to pull my car forward to keep it from burning instead.


Can't see why people are down voting, I found this funny :P


I am thankful that you took the pain of being cheated on as "well, I won't do this myself anymore" rather than the potential "all women are evil and I will continue to use them!".


Am I? D: But Brendan is a sweet name!


He introduced himself? At 16 months? I find that difficult to believe. As a day care teacher, most kids I took care of at 16 months were just starting to learn individual words, colors, and shapes. I would be shocked and a tad weirded out if a toddler that young approached me and said, "Oh hello! I didn't see you there. Allow me to introduce myself..."


As i wrote that four upvotes come through. God reddit sucks sometimes


And the 3-minute time delay was how long Google Translate took to direct them on how to change it back.


It's closer to 1 month, yeah, but it may as well be 2 months. The poor guy was trapped in a car, fuck sakes, give him the benefit of the doubt.


Peace Be Upon Him...but no dandruff be upon his shoulders!


Only if those upvotes won't be misconstrued by the moderators as agreement.


Was nice of Mr Neeson to at least post the comment.


You're distinctly saying that two wrongs make a right and you're on a crusade about it.


yeah, they are basically just a special kind of foam that's really good at scraping shit off.  billions of little bristles essentially.  When you are using a Melamine sponge, be aware you're basically using extreeeeemely fine sandpaper.


I'll take this compliment!


And other other times you stare in the mirror and don't recognize the person staring back at you, then you realize it's a window.


I think drone bombings and strapping bombs on scientists cars is sufficient don't you?


So now we have end trailer scenes? Goddammit Marvel.


im saying you are a shill account. Shoo.


Simple but heeds fairly consistent results.

My SO did the same with my parents, and they adore him. My Mother has joked (I hope) that in the event of a divorce she'd take my SO.


Why do people always bring up that tagging thing?  You faggots take this site so seriously holy fuck.  And looking through my 'comment history'?  Is all you do just sit at home laughing to yourself about how pwnd all the reddit users you tagged are?


I'm imagining you as a guy just for the additional awkwardness.


LMFAO definitely didn't want a real answer or anything! let's make this another useless fucking /r/lol ama where nothing gets answered seriously


> not morbid, but like 300lbs)

Unless she was 8 feet tall, she was morbidly obese.


To me, it seems like you think you are somehow entitled to free advertising for your book solely based on the fact that you post a lot to /r/askreddit, which doesn't really come into our consideration. We want to encourage AMAs from people who have an established history of being an author, not people who are just trying to start off and want to use /r/IAmA solely as a springboard.


Porn star here. POUND SANDY.


Ah, I see people have been using "anti-semitism" as a canard to prevent criticism of the US and Israeli governments again.


I actually was in the process of making a salad, didn't have anything else on hand to feed him so I tossed some spinach leaves on the ground. He proceeded to look at me and then stomp allover them.

http://i.imgur.com/p2WRj.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/jJAg5.jpg


No, agnostic. The universe is huge. What the hell do I know?


Nah, it can do everything Windows or Linux does, provided you are running one of those in VirtualBox or VMware.


Yeah. I thought a lot about what you said. Decided you can lick my ass. :)


Those are also James Cameron's boobs.


You caught me.  I didn't watch the video.  Stewart doesn't entertain me, so I pass.

My comment should have said, **OP ignores that fact for partisan political purposes.**


Nothing shameful about losing a war to Australian wildlife


You are confusing evidence and proof.


/r/relationships is full of people with no relationship experience.


You injured yourself walking a dog for christ's sake. I seriously doubt he thought you were in real pain. The need to be babied for minor injuries? This is the real desire you have.

This whole thread should be "I want to be treated like a princess... WTF is this guy's problem?!?"


Well not that much more..


LmAo ThaT's NaStY !!!  FuCkiiiiiiinG FaT FuCks iiiiiiiii SwEaR !


I wish I got Skittles for not pissing my pants. All I get are these stupid unsoiled pants.


But.... they didn't actually follow through with their plans, other devs would have most definitely followed through with plans like this... Riot didn't, which is in no way pathetic.
EDIT: You guys are so classy.


Stubbing my toe with an ingrown toenail made me want to fucking die.


here is one! :D http://link.com


If a wolf has not been seen in the area for 70 years you have no reason to believe it is a wolf whatsoever.


So FuNY i GivE u A UpVOte!!! So WiTy1!! LOL!!! ThIs LeVeL OF sWagERy Is UnHeArD o F.

#UPVOTETHISFUCKER


And Lincoln is keeping an eye directly on the Washington Monument.  It's a system of checks and balances.


Fuck. You. Both.

You had sex and the baby has a gender. Big fucking surprise.

Thanks for working Pinterest into my mockery of your post-yuppie faggotry.

She "felt" it was a boy? I "felt" this coin toss would be "tails". Magical. Let's have a reveal party for a genetic coin toss.

Stop being a person. And stop making persons. Your advertised self congratulation is nauseating.


> 625 sq. ft. house from the outside. 10000 sq ft. of rape dungeon

FTFY


Deep breath for what? This sub is weird... so much hostility.


She was going to say flippant, but somehow pants keep getting removed.


fuck you. Tortured chickens taste delicious.


You anal retentive fucking moron.  The only reason it would have landed to the right of her is because she saw him running for the ball and moved a bit.  If he never tried to catch it she would have been smacked.

Now shut the fuck up, ape.


Plus the yard would look great.


Europeans want to blame everything else when it's their own damn fault. Your system raised him. Not just his parents.


HOW IS YOUR CARETAKER


Just a joke. Didn't realize a man wanting sex from his WIFE would hit a nerve.


He was a real shartist


My girlfriend does this and it pisses me right off. Laughing in bed with your partner is fine. Especially if one of the two of you farts or something and it goes back to sex, but referencing cartoons while you're on the edge of finishing is not okay. Don't make a god damn spongebob joke when I'm balls deep. It ruins the moment.


"created" lmfao

Icefraud dicksucker detected.


I know the threat is serious and all, but I actually laughed out loud at the server comment.


have a look on this
[These are really,What the Fuck(NSFW)](http://worldsworstfootball4.tk/)


You were quite an intelligent child.


Ok, when he started the show he said the baby and GSL was not going to be a problem.

I guess it's like Unbalanced all over again. I just won't trust anything Artosis say about his show in the future.

Thanks for the answer.


Yeah, you like that you fucking retard?


wait... there are things that are solid at room temperature?

nofuckingway.


Holy fuck I have no idea what I was expecting when I came in here but I want to get off the ride now


133 up votes for this thread tells me you and yours are all idiots. No reason to be polite to your kind, just encourages your stupidity.


Dark Knight:
I'm a car guy, and noticed that Bruce Wayne Drives a Lamborghini Mucielago LP 640 instead of the much more exclusive Reventon which was available at that time. Why? because Murcielago is the spanish word for bat.


I don't think I've ever been so excited to be downvoted before.  More.  MORE I SAY!  MORE!!


I can die a happy man now, thank you.


Ooh, is that SRS? Well that makes a lot of sense as to why, with knowing 00.02% of my personality they can sum me up in a book quote. Thanks for the heads up, maybe I'll go check over there to see if I've made the hall of fame.


Yup -- it was a group of fighter pilots (P-47s) in World War II, they had to know it to the point that they could hold conversations and read blinking lights at the same time.

Pretty cool.


I could meet a porn star at a meet-and-greet or convention (or even an AMA). Women on GoneWild and the like are just as eager to meet the creeps who drool over them as porn stars are...not eager at all.


Would give you gold but me's is broke


some men just want to have the rock in the vending machine


If it's any consolation on the laptop, Minecraft is far more ~~graphically~~ *computationally* demanding than most assume.


fucking disgusting the people behind that are scumbags i hope you die for supporting them


Does anyone have a tip on how to maintain an erection while metallic robot teeth munch away on your plum-grass?


Yep, all alone, in rooms far, far away from everyone else.

Edit: Right, because you haven't heard of sarcasm. Point is it'd be detectable.


And nobody had TVs back then.


And I don't give a rat's ass if they ever play another game.


Volume I: A-AF

Volume II: AG-AL


I hate you so much right now. If I could I would be screaming right now. Spending your time to prove people wrong... smart***. Hate you.


Honesty, my career, and pizza. How did I do?


nice try foreveralone


Except your pants look stupid


You must be from /r/funny


Keeps a log book

Yea, you like that


Hes kind of right. If you dont want people using your shit dont put it on the internet


Has no one ever just said "Hey Paul, it's a little noisy on your end.  Why don't you rejoin us when you've found a quieter place?"


I used to talk real-ly, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Seriously though, who's NOT fiscally conservative?  I mean who runs on the "blow it on bullshit" platform.

I'm drunk.


Plenty of facts, but none which prove the parent wrong. Yes, Curie was a scientist. No, you are not a feminist just because you're a scientist.


What if the guy that died reincarnated INTO THE BABY!


My doors are like that, and I've punched them and I've only put a crack in it, it would be incredibly hard to complely alliterate it.


Maybe they saw it on the news.


sme1 exlpain ths opposite to me as i am strgllng to knw wht it is


"Yes, and for science ..."


I'm a fat chick myself and have been rejected many times but I've never stooped this low. People are allowed to not be attracted to you, just keep looking for someone who is. I have to say though, "hams" is a bit unfair.


When I saw the [first image] (http://i.imgur.com/PlWOTRb.jpg) I got all excited thinking "this guy is an even bigger loser than me" but then I saw that it was just the start of the ring... which turned out great. Then I saw the pretty face of the lady he proposed to. Then I ordered a pizza. =(


I saw that shit and got pretty pissed.

Nothing more fucking infuriating that Apple-fags' superiority complex.

Fucking douchebags.


old navy carries men's sizes up to XXXL in shirts and size 48 jeans. your comment should say

>because fat men are men, while fat women get relegated to their own category.


No it doesn't.

How did you think that through?


Interesting - that's a very different interpretation of the question because it addresses how a disease affected humanity overall.  I was trying to think of examples of how a disease directly benefitted the health of the individual.

Very interesting contribution, thanks!


Who are you kidding?  That kid is going to be a FA neckbeard stuck in le friendzone like every other redditor.


Most appropriate use of 'retardedly lucky' ever.


"Something odd going down with last shadow"?....Something odd going down ON last shadow.....like korean men. What a faggot. Not only does he suck dick, but he cries like a girl when he loses.


No, I was unaware of it at the time. I have been subsequently made aware of the connection. Had I known, I might've pushed more in that direction, but then, it might've thrown things off. I'm very moved that kids with Autism have responded and related to the character.


No surprise there.  That its exactly what I would expect from an arrogant overpaid nigger like Jay-Z.


I've made a terrible mistake!


Comment of the year goes to...


They have to. LibreOffice and Google Docs are quickly showing people they don't need to pay the Microsoft Tax to do basic office work.


Hell yea this was sick. Although I'm not sure if it technically counts as a counter because he didn't attack until the big guy had already drawn his fist back in, the big guy just straight up forgot to put his guard back up.

Not to be douchey or anything though! I'm not sure one way or another, I'm just curious.


At my work, we just call them cunts.


Actually it is. They just are high already, but not that high.


This isn't too far-fetched!  Astronauts from Apollo 12 brought back a camera from the robotic Surveyor 3 lunar lander, which is now in the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum.  Let's hope we can bring some pieces of Spirit and Opportunity back home for everyone to see!

--ARS


I have empathy, I'm just not a moron.


So far, no. I have not been able to. They're busy with the whole space thing they do. With the laser swords and teddy bear monkeys, you know?


There's zero proof that the manager has instructed his players to do so. Chelsea AND other clubs have been accused of trying to influence the referees for years.


If that was in Alberta it was me.  Sorry.


You're not "helping" anyone stop by getting a kid in trouble.  That's just making them hate you more.


**Briefly Jay Z HAD 100 problems


He changed the screenname, doofus. No idiot would list the actual names of a conversation.


"What do you mean they are bad for me... my doctor just prescribed me them?"


If people would just shut up and code we would save a lot of time.


Someone should tell them that to cure HIV they have to kill another person with HIV.  Boom, problem solved.


Why don't you two suck each others dicks?


And those who didn't buy it during summer sale (me) have the biggest grin on their faces right now.


i own a harley and a mercedes. and i've successfully outrun the cops on the harley. and my biker friend was in prison AND he was killed on his hog by the cops (01). AND i have patents AND i went to graduate school on full scholarship AND i've been a drummer in a working band AND i've been in a movie AND i score chicks mostly because im gorgeous.


*Vegans mourn. You'll never believe why.*


Good?  Cockroaches spread disease too, and you hypocrites have no problem hiring an exterminator.


My first memory is of being held by my dad at about two years old, and him saying something to make my mom cry.  I was holding a die cast car, and I jammed the thing into his fucking eye.

Kids don't fully understand what's going on, but they get the gist.

Edit - sorry, replied to the wrong comment!


Ur boobs must be DD or sth ...

There's the theory floating around the internet, the size of female's boobs equivalent to their penis size if they're to be come male ... And otherwise

Edit: oh man, the oblivion


I like how they handled everything in Arrested Development.

EDIT: EVEN SEASON 4.


Yeah, and she sounds like a raging bitch. He wasn't trying to be intolerant, he was head over heels for you...bitch


That made me cry a little. Dogs are freaking amazing.


Jeter is sickeningly overrated


Read that in Dave Chappelle's voice.  Choked on my pretzel.


I already did.  Now my job is to spread the word all over the interwebs.


Greetings kind sir. I am the head of a veeeeery important multimillion publishing company mhyeash. I might be bothered to give this demo five minutes if you would send me a link post haste.

.... And I realized there is a demo available so I will just go try that. Looks fun.


And mouth Cancer while you're at it! Win win!

But seriously, don't do this to yourself. I feel like you're smoking these cigars for the taste, and not really considering the effects it may have down the road :(


I do a lot of thinking in the shower. I like the heat and the steam is good for my shit sinuses. Sometimes I lose track of time in there, oh look I've been showering for 45 minutes.


Well be my guest on passing on Paris and banging Rosie.....you odd bird.


I really want a PENGOTS (pulitzer, Emmy, Nobel, Grammy, Oscar, TOny, Stanley Cup)


I'm not upvoting it because the title is incredibly misleading.

She was charged for KNOWINGLY accusing someone who DID NOT rape her or raping her.

Imagine you were accused of raping an 11 year old child.  What kind of impact do you think that would have on your life?

This article is sensationalized garbage.  It conflates two crimes which have no business being conflated.


This is AWESOME!  Think of how much more she enjoys action movies with all of their shitty CGI.  She thinks it's all real...


its funnay cus it aint no ipayd !! x;'D


I feel like you could replace 'College slackers' with 'people desperate to prove they're smarter than the teenagers'.


All of you need to get off gabe's cock. The only reason you're saying good things is because of the xmas and summer sales. You wouldn't give two shits about him if he weren't giving away games at unreal prices to gain marketshare


It was a madcatz. It was for her own safety.


Well if you wanna get complicated, the weight on top of whatever she was sitting on didn't change at all. The weight of whatever volume of liquid she drank simply transferred from the can to her mouth/belly, not losing any of its weight. ***BUT,*** that's just me being a smart ass. I still upvoted you :)

EDIT: Damn, TIL reddit hates sarcasm.


I was never asked to do a monologue at your school, so...

But I'm open to doing it.


Ya, just like the sex trade leaves vulnerable women and children alone. At least religious groups will work to help those in need, opposed to a sex industry entrepreneur that will basically kick those to the curb who have used up their perceived usefulness.

Makes you wonder why so many ex-porn stars become reborn.


Headline should read "Snoop Dogg Caught by Snooping Dog" ;)


... tough shit?

I don't see why that's relevant.

It's a super popular video on the net, and the dude was just trying to help people figure out where they'd seen her before.


Relevant: http://imgur.com/YfEKuAx


you probably vote republican. sad person makes sad comments.


Be careful of the influx of Islamic radicals infiltrating your societies. The current "politically correct" people will drown me for this, but there is no sense in applying the rules of civil society to those who wish to burn your society to the ground.

I've seen the protests in London, Berlin, Amsterdam. The ideas they hold are dangerous.


Your comment is pretty funny, but if you want to post a joke, then this is not the best sub to do it in. You might try /r/funny or /r/jokes instead. We hold ourselves to a higher standard here and try to keep our comments on topic and constructive.

Edit: why am I being down voted?


At this point, I'm so deep in, I don't even know anymore.


god you're a fucking idiot. quit whining. thank god for sopa, it'll instill some god damn values. maybe you will watch less chinese gay porn you fucking cunt


Another thing you should know about America non Americans, If you see Mothers Against Anything, avoid them.


2/3 of Americans are overweight (of which 36% are obese). That is, 66% (read: majority) of Americans are fucking fat. Therefore, this is NOT abnormal in America. Don't get indignant on me you fucking faggot.


Biggest?  ....  Finding a dragon!


that's dead-on balls accurate.

EDIT: Yes, I remember the line "It's an industry term." Thank you to the seven of you that have replied with that.


Fucking newfags like you two posting cancer that's destroying Reddit. GTFO and delete your accounts please.

Come at me


And she's gathering her own evidence of assaulting someone. In a day or two she'll be complaining about her parents punishing her for being suspended from school.


My friend posted it on her facebook so it must be true!


That... was beautiful


Maybe it wasn't rape, he said fuck you in a stairwell, not rape you in a stairwell. Maybe it was his way of being alpha and wanting her to fuck in a stairwell at their school? Who knows, and who cares if you tag me as such.


Initially laughed.

Then saw it was real.


No one says 'boys will be boys' for a 25+ year old male. It refers to youth and gender, never only gender. The pussy pass denied sub has no such age restriction.


10 years ago he makes that play


Worst movie of all time... 63% "fresh" rating on Rotten Tomatoes **ಠ_ಠ**

Ninja Edit: Only 56% of people liked it. I'm glad to be part of the slight minority (-:


Now imagine all that while being drunk and hung over!!


came here to say this


avoid loans at all costs. If you graduate debt free you are already ahead of your peers that graduated years before knee deep in loans. you'd be surprised how much more wiggle room you have and how much more confident you are if you have no debt.


IT NICE TO SEE DAT WEN I COME BACK FWOM DA VACATON, DA FATTIE WEDDITORS DONT CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LE GOO GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Upvote for being classy to the hottest man on earth.


coulda, and i woulda said a big thank you if you could reply to gms after they close the ticket (without reopening it) but you cant. usually my tickets last days till theyre answered i didnt expect a quick reply. if the GM saw the humor in the ticket as i did im sure theyre be okay


she didnt even respond to what he said in the 1st place, until someone else had to say "what about him". That is a huge slap in the dick.


Downvoting questions. Sounds like Reddit


The kind that can "never find a good man".


Lawl Mr. Jarvan, well played


I wish more people on the internet were like you.


Laughed too hard at this. Have an upvote


YOU DRAW CYANIDE AND HAPPINESS? I love your work


Or "But my previous brain did"


craigslist furniture

-sent from my $30 craigslist couch


this has been linked 240 times in r/soccer. They were just deciding who would take a free kick


MIND BLOWN! I'm 29 and have now just realized this after reading.


I'll explain it, he drew some dots and claimed it proved God doesn't exist. For a group of individuals who don't believe in God you sure do waste a lot of your time trying to prove he isn't real. I have to admit though, it's funny watching you guys try and fail for the most part.


When it crawls out of the bathroom looking for food.


is this a racist joke you ignorant shit of piece

Edit: Holy moly ..


Quick!  Push me down there!


Your sentence structure bothers me. I read that sentence as "I want to be wearing a dress shirt while a dude eats me out". What you mean is "I want to be eaten out by a dude who is wearing a dress shirt".


It's hard to answer that. I felt so miserable as a human, I despised my father for all the pain he had caused, I hated myself and knew that it came from being in that controlling environment.

I have "mind blowing" epiphanies all the time when I peel away another layer and realize that I've lived with certain bizarre, false assumptions based on ideas I was raised with.


U 9UY5 M34N 53X. 4M1R19HT?!?


Verne is more like a karma escort.


That reads the same as

>Hope your son's chemo goes okay /s


'Yer a wizard, nigga!


Nah, but the truth is strong with me. :)


Ill give ya one better there. I posted this same thread, more or less, to 4chan last week. I just have learned to accept myself and an okay with sharing with whoever wants to know.


fuck your advertising


Hacker...hacker...well, that Thor guy uses a hammer, but if it was an axe he'd be a hacker!

Jenny, get Thor on the line


Then they go about 10 mph in a 35-45 mph zone and dont fucking pull over or move.


They have to find the traitor amongst themselves, real life TTT.


I think he tested positive for "sandy vagina."


> Eleezabeth Taylor

Props to /u/chooter.  I can hear it in my head.


Well Kanye fans are pretty bad about taking jokes so they got a point in some instances. Also, 90% of Hip Hop fans i know probably have no idea who Paul McCartney is so i could totally see people actually tweeting and posting stuff like that.


See that ludicrous display last night?


dear god I came here to say this. You guys made me cry. I fucking hate that guy.


Your semen must taste absolutely delicious


I call you fake and definitely gay.


Thought this title deserved better than Facebook.


No sympathy. It is his choice as a free-willed human being to be with trash like her.


Yeah, gay and black, that's... that's too much.


Piss off you fucking faggot


Burger King fry cook reporting, I earn USD $780,000/year on an average work week of 15 hours.


my... god...

EDIT: Don't worry, I'm an Atheist, just how we are all used to saying things


And he grew up to be the President of Russia. The End.


i gave u ya only downvote. ;/


i love the carbon one... simply because its the lightest by far. :D  i am big on comfort when it comes to donning massive headgear.


whoooooooooaa. what do yiou mean obviously not biological? you look exactly alike..

tell us what it was like growing up with a dad that looks exactly like you which you claim doesnt....did you adopt black mannerisms and likes etc..was it confusing ? i need to know your experience often its the other way around...


And you sewed tags to the poor creature?? MONSTER!


LOL!! Nicely done sir, very clever.


Mine is along similar lines to yours.

My friend once left his phone round my house, so I decided to text him telling him that he left it round my house. When his phone went off I initially decided not to read the message that flashed up on his phone because I decided not to invade his privacy.

Went downstairs, made some toast, had some orange juice, smashed my skull with a facepalm.


Booty is always preceded with the form "dat". "Dat booty". Don't be do white.


the dream of the 90s is alive in portland


Wow shut the fuck up TMI TLDR you stupid faggot this is reddit not a book.


about as real as the square root of -1.


Not if you're a liberal.  If you're trying to fight the war on terror, then yes, they are bad things.  But their is no war on terror as far as the left is concerned.


"Yes, it can be quite a challenge when he goes up my shit pipe"


Not gonna happen, i'm also not buying that this is what you would do especially as there is no indication whatsoever that this is the cause of the problem, a proper (as in it's not pink anymore) cooked chicken will STILL kill all germs, period, and i DO that. Cooking for a year so your stuff tastes dry like a shoe by ramping it needlessly to 74°... No thanks.

Thanks for the input though.


"You can shake it, hit it, or beat it against the wall, but in your pants the last drops fall."


What is anti-consumer about this deal. From a transaction specific approach.

And how are the proposed remedies insufficient?


and even younger than that, he was drowning in pussies.


Shut up. There are millions of chinese kids working for google doing gods work of privacy and things. Shut up. Just. No.

Edit:I guess the sarcasm doesn't come through? If it isn't obvious that this was facial recognition, then someone has failed you. It should also be obvious this was a joke at the guy. (He made a joke too) Ugh.


Like I always say, "there's nothing more annoying than an Atheist turned Christian, or a Christian turned Atheist." EDIT: I closed the quote now, people who seemed to find that important.


>They look like axe wounds and smell awful.

On *regular* women, yes. I think his point is that a vagina belonging to a sexy little porn goddess is much different than that of a *regular* woman.  A chick with a nasty-looking snatch probably isn't going to get far in the porn world.

And besides, in porn, you can't smell them.


>there was no part of her face left to breathe into.

That's enough internet for today.


Bracing for flood of downvotes for believing that a man could be abused.


The ambulance is on the way, unfortunately it exploded when it attempted to drive uphill.


Goddamn that is hilarious XD


A Real Man of Genius.


And after being told repeatedly that this isn't a recipe subreddit, you're still here bitching and moaning. So yes I call that nonstop.

If I were any dumber, I still wouldn't be the fucked up retard that you are.


Best I can do is termites


Ok, Reddit is not one person. Do you agree that a text file cannot be considered proof or are you going to continue to avoid the argument?


Real name is probably Jesse or Meowth.


Probably a pit bull... what's new?


Holy fucking shit dude, this should be at the top. To start losing weight at that point without serious medical intervention is basically unheard of, and it sounds like you had to fight genetics as well if your whole family was overweight.

I consider myself a fat guy (small frame with too much hanging off of it) and you lost more weight *than what I weigh*.


if you ate that steak i don't see how you didn't die. that is seriously the worst looking steak i have ever seen. it looks like someone pressed particle meat/grease into the rough shape of a steak and slapped some grill marks on it. :(


dibs on boners from the heart as a band name


What?

You can't put a plate of food in front of a starving man and not expect him to want to eat it.


 "You don't look at the mantle when you're poking the fire."

- Ben Franklin


HAHAHHAHAHA.  wait are you serious?


You may have a parasitic infection that compels you to ask that question...

In seriousness, though: http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2013/01/220113-sneaky-cat-parasite-takes-over-human-brains-science/


And he gets to say that *because of* those people....


I wanna count dat nigga abs wit my tongue.


lol you just admitted you're poor.


This could be the first statement I've ever read that began with "No offense, but..." and didn't end with something offensive.


>pretty **good**

;)


This is why we circumcise people.


I came here to post exactly this.


What if you gave him a one-star review that said he's awesome?


That wouldn't bother me as much as it would if they were to do so with someone who never had any intention of staying with them. Or worse, with a girl who would abort it.


I like how they all furiously swarm the ref, but noone dares to confront zlatan


Can you perform.. other ''tasks'' as well? ;)


That might be the creepiest thing I've ever heard. Do you recommend I try this?


ERMAHGERD, THER SERPERERNSER


Lizardnardo DiCaprio.


Nope. You don't have an ounce of compassion.

As I said. You are a piece of shit.


I rank that second, behind "He wasn't about to die, was he, Newbie? Could have waited another month for a kidney."


More eloquence from the beautiful trolls.


Sexually, I think I've always identified as a home stealing hermit crab.


wow this loser is hating on apple but is using an iPhone, lets do something mean to him


Yeah but you can get better prices for anal if you buy in bulk at Costco.


Because there is no reason to have assault weapons.

You're not ever going to need to revolt against the government so the 2nd amendment is irrelevant.

Also, it was written in regard to muskets, so sure... All Americans can have a musket. Not a fucking machine gun


You're like his karmic wingman.


> They have no way to research for themselves

And people in America do, and yet they STILL get vaccines.

No one even wonders *why* autism is more common than having a normal child. gummint sez vax gud, so vax gud


I think you mean unemproyment.....


I found the tumblr feminist guys!


What about the remote control plane mission?

edit: I knew I wasn't alone.


It does seem you have a case for slander.

I certainly don't think you have a legal obligation to look at ads, just a moral one to occassionally glance at them.


Like what Conan said about the Emmy: "Of course it's heavy. It's filled with the shattered dreams of four other people."


Speak for yourself. Given a choice, mine would always be to see my child. Men need to take more precautions if they don't want babies. And take more care about who they shag raw if they don't want kids. You can't blame it all on the woman.


Watch the BBC Top Gear episode where the little guy gets curious about NASCAR and make a compelling argument why it's a legit sport.  BTW, I'm American, and I hate fucking NASCAR.


You actin like anyone give a fuk for  Brian Williams. That's the difference between y'all. One party gonna stick by a dummy, the other gonna bounce. I ain't got no dog in the fight, unless it's a dog. #onelove

* edit - why y'all bought this dude gold like he a baby elephant & downoting me? fuk i did?


Is this a positive in-law story? That can't be right.


*fap fap fap fap fap fap*


Nobody understands these acronyms. Except for PS2.


I'd differ on that - we know how to make it work, b t we have very little idea of how electricity and magnetics actually affect each other.


Not even. He gets out of the shower before turning the water off, letting it spray everywhere. He is a bad roommate. Kill him before he kills you.

Do it.


Ahem, no fanboy.

Edit: You're not following the Star Trek ideology very well, guys. Shame on you. Supposed to be accepting of differing views, but you guys are some of the worst down voters in the history of reddit.


when England was debating abolition of slavery, Africans went to England to protest AGAINST ending slavery.


You are my favoritest brony.


Oh shit... Zack is DoubleDickDude!


> Bitbucket is pretty much the best code hosting service out there since it has free private repositories

Yeah.. or you could look at it from the point that it's so bad they have to give it away. A point reinforced by the fact that almost everyone uses github and they charge for private repos...


Can I borrow your eyes?


Ignore post, copy and past from CNN. Neat style you have.


Pirates are commonly armed with a saber, a pistol, and a variety of other blackpowder weapons. If you were assigned to bring him down, wouldn't you want to be armed incase he brandished a swashbuckler?

Edit: I apologize to all the pirate experts out there, it was a joke. Please find it in your hearts to forgive me.


Frankly, we mustard of better puns than this!


I will do poorly in Russia


I found shelter! Quick, get in!


Have you thought of leaving your keys in your shoes overnight?


That's a rule too, but we don't get quite as many of those and thus I didn't think it would be needed to make a post about it.


In a justice system run by humans there are always going to be mistakes made. But about as close as you can get to 100% of the people brought into court on charges are guilty of those charges.


No Child Left Behind is all kinds of bullshit.


Giving money to people is a great gesture. This is while everone loves Germans.


Or just sell it for 1 cent so nobody gives a fuck.


With all of this ISIS stuff going on, I enjoy being spied on.


Well, at least they're even.


Ah yeah, I should have titled it with an x-post. Everyone upvote this guy!


HONEY, I ACCIDENTALLY ADOPTED A BABY.


DUDE. SERIOUSLY. Nothing you have said is having any effect on me. You're either saying things I already agree with, or that I never will.


in le elementary school

i le cheat on le test

le teacher goes le ffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

i am le troll!

true story

---

I was too lazy to actually make this, but this is basically what rage comics are nowadays.


You are probably the type of bitch that hits someone that is out til they shake.


This is true, you would very likely go insane or at least have serious mental issues as a result. Humans react very badly to no external stimulus.


That guy served in Iraq and Afghanistan yet you try to compare him to some racist children on a bus? Where did you serve?


I'd post current pics, but my parents decided to have them surgically removed as an infant. Here are the scars they left me. http://imgur.com/aUb3c


Because it's completely reasonable to fake having cancer and then act like  the people outing you are the ones who are in the wrong.

Oh wait, that's not the person in question, that's you.

As to your reply, if you don't watch what your new apps are doing at least bandwidth wise, you're gonna have a bad time.


TIL there is a factual basis for "retard strength."


Except skip the boring and ridiculously predictable paragraph and just post the TL;DR.


If your con turns into a dinosaur you FUCKING RUN, and also apologize for the inconvenience you gave him/her.


How's your freshman year of college going?


"Draw me like one of your tentacle monsters"


Down vote me to oblivion, but don't compare Romo to Staubach or Aikman, for that matter.

Wow, you guys are so compliant. Pushovers.


He was a one-off character, but his popularity with the fans prompted him to be scheduled for contract negotiations next season.


Wild SCORE! But haven't won a damn thing in this league
Here comes the downvotes.. But truth hurts.


As a Frenchmen, I surrender to both of your approvals.


My opinion is not crazy, nor idiotic. It's an opinion that is backed by many articles and documentaries from reliable people that my husband and I have come across in our search for truth (in many areas). You can agree to disagree, but until you know EVERYTHING that goes on in this world, your opinions are no better than mine.


Kramer walks in, slaps his money on the counter.

"I'm out".

I die every time


I'm not too proud to admit that I ended up selling to him anyways :\

Even if I hadn't, it's not like I'd keep a broken disc around, just in case someone on Reddit didn't believe my story.


Yeah, real men have a cum box.


Defensive and being tired of defeatist cry babies are two different things. To Asians and blacks, if you want some of that sweet sweet white ass then work harder and quit crying. Your ancestors didn't come over here on luxury cruises so you could whine about how none of the Aryan princesses will pay attention to you online.


You realize his "accidents" are all staged right? He's actually a pretty skilled electrical engineer, and he sets it up that way on purpose to show us some of the pitfalls.


She was sitting with a bunch of other short haired dyke looking girls. And I just based it off of that and her rainbow colored hair.


Be better if he said "your time is up" before he shot, being a watchmaker and all.


Oh, who?  Cuz I own that biatch homeslice :D Derp.  I also live in Vancouver where they filmed rumble in the Bronx.  Word! Derp.


Censorship! Oppression!


/r/niggers had a lot of support for racists. It was still a horrible sub.


Quite a few times I actually ended up walking to my destination this way.


I hope you put that genetic mishap out of its misery.


Eating McDonald's is like sleeping with a cheap hooker....it's fun while you're doing it, but immediately afterwards your reaction is 'ohhhh, god, what did I just do to myself?'


I thought it was funny sadface.jpg


I think I just realized I am a man.


That's kind of, um, her job.


They're like... looking at the joke.

We need to keep this as the top reply.


Thank you that would be very helpful.


As an Arizonan, I can attest that Mexican food as late-night drunk food is life-changing.


Of course the problem is complaining, but it's a legitimate complain about the state of this subreddit when a legitimate strategy discussion can get to -10. ==


You misspelled "great" there.


DADDYY SAYD DAT DA OP IS A KARMA WHORE CAWSE HE IS WHORING OUT HIS DIEING DADDY FOR DA KARMA GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Plus they always have big hair that's full of secrets.


It's the public sector version of The Office.

Everyone Loves Raymond dragged on for what, 9 years? Doesn't mean it's any good.


I wouldnt worry too much - it took me about three whole minutes to figure out what the hell I was supposed to find.


Why you mad he didn't make the catch to win the super bowl, if anything you should love him. Besides you can rearrange his first name to Bro


>Her: "Keep going! Why'd you stop?"

At first I thought this was your grandma talking.


Hilarious is in quotes. Grammar.


If anything, it's a common misconception among Americans that everyone in the world speaks English.


Yeah right. I can see where it goes: I go to wal-mart, and I do not "own" what I buy - I just bought the right to use that item for the length of time that Wal-Mart.

I can see where this is going. Stupid fucking idiot, if you have nothign to say, then say nothing and don'T waste my time with this fucking bullshit. There are consumer protection laws for this very reason you dipshit.


At first that was going terrible. By the end of the sentence it became much better.


le me used to le not le follow, then le me took le arrow in le knee! le lol!


27 years? Congratulations. That's no small accomplishment.

Wish you many more together.


No it wasn't. It was mostly true with some intentional misinformation mixed in.


That sounds like a load of BS to me.

I'm guessing he cheated with you, which broke them up, and then you two got married right away.


Should have said in German "that sounds great - can I join you?"


I can't help but laugh at people who talk shit over the internet.


i actually think people like hating him. i wish id just stop hearing about it


I hope he's spinning a fat one.  He's going to need it after The Hobbit trilogy.


The save button will be upgraded to a compact disc, which will also be extinct.


By design? We swapped out cues with another table and when someone got on that one, they complained and the bartender came with a rag to wipe it down. She apologized for it being unsanitary.


> I added one of my own explaining my reasoning.

it would be awesome if they called you a fool and said you didn't know what you were talking about.

Like Dolly Parton losing in a Dolly Parton look-a-like contest awesome.


no she should get a fucking life because she seems like a loser


Sounds more like every cow ever..


Gaslighting, misogynist...


call of duty: geodude ops


> I've never been a fan of Jeff Hardy but god dam**n** does he put his body on the line for ~~the business~~ **drugs**.

FIFY


AJAJAJAJAJAJA AJAJAJAJAJAJAJA


/r/nearlyretiredgif

Edit: Ouch. I was really just saying that this gif **may** have a more perfect use someday, but that was a pretty good use. I really don't understand the downvote train.


Because if you do everything right, chances are they will outlive you


How is it inappropriate? His response is professional IMO.


You can test this theory by putting the jalapeno directly into your anus.


you must be fun at parties


"Assistant to the Sensei"


Seriously. What did I do? This is not how I wanted to remember my 1 year anniversary on Reddit. Please explain why everyone is being so mean to me. I didn't provoke ANY of this.


When I was first reading this I thought you meant an edible nut. That game sounds so fucked up, but pretty fun.


Yes I am, because pedo apology facilitates pedophilia and is nearly as bad. Why not shame it in the same way?


Why thank you.

EDIT: I know what double-clicking the upvote button does...


How am I supposed to know? vOv


Bring back JK Simmons and I don't care what the fuck they do with the franchise.


This. This right here.


"HOW DO I REACH THESE KEEEDDSSS"


then he follows with, "son. i am disappoint"


Or 10 continuous plays of "What's new pussycat"


I SEE WHAT YOU DID THER TF PLAYER


Sometimes the stream will split into 2... close enough.

*My highest rated comment, and it's about piss. I don't know how to feel about that, but I love you guys.


Oh. My. God. You. Fuckin. Retards.

Men are referred as the "key" because he sticks his penis into stuff, much like a key.

Women are referred to as "locks" because it has penis' inserted into it.

It also locks down that weina with child support and complaining about dirty dishes.


...gotta catch em all


LE Y LE DOWNVOTE!!!?!?! LE REDDITQUITE1!!!!@#!@#! LETERALY OSAMA BIN HITLER!!!1


LEEEEEERRRRROOOOYYYY JJJJEEEEENNNNNNKKKINNNSSSS


Way to teach him to hate. Great parenting.


You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!!


I hope you're retarded ass and your dead horse are hit by a fucking truck.


Six-pack preference? Yes. Abbs always look good on a girl. It lets you know she's healthy and that she's willing to take care of herself. I want a girl that will use our combined abdominal strength to crush oranges and then let the juice run down our bodies. God, I love orange juice.


No. It's both. And it should be.


THIS IS WHAT ALL MARRIAGES ARE DESTINED TO BECOME AFTER 20 YEARS. SAD BUT TRUE. HOW TERRIBLE. Hence marriage as an institution has DIED OUT. Today we only have "partners". Why bother? Might as well buy an escort for six month by way of contract. HAH!!


Cook's rejoinder: You will fire me if I start to make too many meals wrong, no need for an additional reason to not fuck up the meals.


OP is a faget AMIRITE


I liked Woody Harrelson **until** today


there are no good guns. this is just one more tool for killing and maiming people.


How do you know that you aren't hooked up to the coma machine right now9


I just wish the far left could engage in a debate without swearing. Actually, using swear words and filthy language against the opposition in a debate or argument is a form of 'ad hominem' attack.
Imagine trying to debate with someone who is constantly spitting in your face; it's not very nice, is it? I equate swearing with spitting.


Sinkhole de mayo.....duh!


Seriously some people on reddit are total fags about this stuff.


Does the Krusty Krab get a pass in your book?


"Clearly misleading" makes it sound like I'm trying to get one over on Reddit or something.  I find it strange that the article grouped up his punishment for marijuana possession with a mandatory civic duty.  I had assumed they were linked in any way, shape, or form.


Ugh, you and your *reasonableness.* You disgust me.


Then again, you strip for a living. Sounds like life got the last laugh.


Most Redditers are...


That matters why? Ill stick with the internet along with Sudoku.

I thought this would be a good addition seeing as all this came about from people who didnt read and decided to be assholes.

Yep thats totally my fault.


At the greyhound bus terminal.


any girl that laughs at your retarted jokes (and they are retarted) is mos def-intely worth keeping


Why would anyone hate you because you don't like mustard?

"HEY LOOK, IT'S THAT FAGGOT THAT HATES MUSTARD!"


Dog eat dog world man.


"...the amount of pussy I get could get flying this thing..."


Novelty account really can't work. OP gets blue background to indicate OPness. You will never have that.

Edit: Wow, -60! That's lower than most trolls get. People here really hate the obvious, huh?


This thread went from fucking awesome to just sad. Really fast.


Honestly at this point it seems like a dick move for them to keep fucking with us like this.


Don't be sorry. Its true.


Point out the parts that are inappropriate, if its just the age then yes it may not be normal. But our parents both know of our relationship. I have met her parents, stayed at their house. She has my family on facebook and is visiting my family soon.


J.D. Roth here - I respect you for what you did. That kid sounds like a tool.


This only works if you have social skills


Upvotes for some. Miniature Americans flags for others!


I have all sorts of problems. At least I have intelligence, unlike OP.


Does look pretty feminine... The story says it's a 55 year old man in Berlin..


Thank god maybe he'll go back to playing league.


Alex and I don't get to hang out much due to the convoluted Jeopardy security requirements.  I saw him at last year's National Geographic Bee in DC (he hosts, I was doing research for my next book, Maphead, about geography geeks).

So I don't know the guy real well.  He's a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a Perry Ellis suit.


Corporatism is the first step to fascism, back to school with you.


ahh you beat me to it


so it wasn't one of your children?


Checkmate, atheists.


I'm sure Seahawks fans still can't sleep after that Goal line INT with 20 seconds left.


Wouldn't the milk drinkers have stronger skeletons? ಠ_ಠ


Gods forbid (haha, get it?) that people mutually agree not to be assholes to each other! What a horrible world that would be! In the name of avoiding groupthink, we must all agree to avoid that at all costs!

Fuck off.


IOS 8 here, my phones waterproof and can be recharged in the microwave.


i replied to the original comment. As i mentioned, i must have missed something that isnt in this thread.


It's nice to have you back!


/r/rickrocketed there seems to be less beggars on reddit now, and there are people who share the same opinion on posts now realizing that what i've said is true, some people like yourself are just too oblivious, and there have been countless people using fake photos that have been proved.


May your jeans be perpetually damp and slightly sandy.


When I first started playing hearthstone, I thought it was just better than physical card games. Faster, less talk and more diversity.

Turns out, sometimes I want to discuss with my opponent.


THE JEW LIKES IT, IT'S COOL, E'RYBODY


I would upvote this, but it already has 69 upvotes.


Cis white male scum tries to by the coffee shop and play his shit music in there. We fly in the face of conformity, and the mainstream bad taste in music.


You are milking this karma cow aren't you. Congrats on you cakeday btw.


>Bisexuality is a double-edged sword

Which is funny because sexuality is a vague spectrum, completely unlike something with sharp well defined edges like a sword.


Yes, you are right. We should never forget cases like this: http://imgur.com/a/zX5Bp [NSFL]
Young mother with kid killed by Kiev junta.

Downvote my post if you agree that Kiev junta should kill more Russian kids.


Yeah and who wants a son that can only move diagonally?


That comment deserves more upvotes...


The internet also successfully "won" a Taylor Swift concert for a school for the deaf and a Justin Bieber concert for North Korea. I think Taylor Swift just donated money instead of playing there, and Bieber backed out entirely.


you really aren't missing much.  *:))*

If you change your mind, let me know.


Especially when their children are running wild and tearing shit up! I mean, they're your kids, you have to raise them!


POW! Right in the kisser!


The fuck did I just watch


It would be 15.

L = 12
\-----------
Γ = 15


Hope the pregnant one never went through with an abortion. If she did I hope the rest of her life is full of suffering for killing a child just because she was irresponsible.


Pro tip: existing during an earthquake is a good way to become injured


implying that police officers are valuable... LOL


He's way ahead of you.


HRRURUEJ FJEJrj sfje.


I think a better summary, and one I actually agree with is this:

"Reddit is 4chan with a condom on."


Jesus Christ guys, stop this.
There's literally nothing wrong with enjoying games on consoles.


Are you saying...The Sims were right?


Telling someone to bottle up their experiences with oppression to join in with a joke is not something you do in a safe space. It is about respecting others.


That's how I was finally able to remember how to spell it correctly and I still say it that way in my head when I spell it. Thanks Jim Carry!


got plenty of knives, do you, assassin...


They wanted to crown him King, but he said that despotism is so over.


Hmm thank you, you are very intellimigentz u must have edumucation lol xD


Not listening and trying to push your idea is the most common mistake. Greatest hits is my fav.
A dinguisher is what you say when some asshole gives you extinguisher to rhyme with.


If his account wasn't deleted, I'd be more than happy to do a tally.


*Slides poop under the door


Sup Storm. Any lasting effects of that fic?


My first 3d penis was the crowning achievement of those days

edit: well my highest voted comment *would* be about my penis crafting skills. I have no regrets


Looks so fucking gay.


You see, the problem with letters from John Wayne Gacy is that no one has ever come through that door asking for one. I know it's a piece of history and it may be worth a lot, but for me best I can do is $45.


My belly was saved by a female cookin' up a fine casserole.  Thanks, Miss Lola.


I have no games on my phone, so the last time a kid asked me that I opened up Google Drive and let her try to have fun with a blank spreadsheet.


I'm talking about you.


Wait, I can just go on omegle and guys will jerk off for me?


> my slumber at 8am

get a job

edit: I forgot the asbestos & mercury mines were open weird hours, sorry /u/Hell_brigade


The Sims gives great, practical dating advice as well. Flirt flirt flirt hug hug kiss kiss make out make out make out amorous hug amorous hug make out woo hoo. Married the next day.


Ahh, the old reddit [switch-a-roo](http://www.reddit.com/r/creepy/comments/r3mt3/in_an_alley/c42nsx5#c42nsx5)...
  `  `
`  `
`  `
`  `
`  `
`  `
`  `
`  `
`  `
`  `
`  `
`  `
`  `
`  `
`  `
`  `  `  `  `  `  `  `
`  `
`  `  `  `
`  `
braces for downvotes.


Simbas dad... his name was *Mufasa*


Yuck. People that old still have sex?


Do you live in an anime?


if by opposing viewpoints you mean being an asshole, yes you are correct


I have always wanted to tell him but never known how to go about it. I usually just pay for the rental or tickets when I can. It is my secret way of paying him back.


Is it? That's a bit ironic... Oh well...


/╲/\╭( ͡° ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)╮/\╱\


*whoosh*

Not really sure why I'm getting downvotes, but it doesn't change the fact that the joke apparently went over /u/nicolas_cage_smells head


You do realize that she is trying to condition you to get boners every time you call you parents, right? She's using you for a Pavlovian experiment.


What the fuck are you talking about? You said **fences**. *Fences* require sticks. Neither of us mentioned sandstone stairs or bricks. You're a fucking idiot.


I support laziness 100%, but costing yourself your vision because you didn't want to take 10 seconds to take out your contacts? That's just idiotic.


you fucking lose...and so do 13 others it seems


1 day gurl n boi talk aftr skul
gurl ax boi "relationship 70?"
boi say "no"
gurl cry and go in car and is died wit dad an mum.
boi is cry n say "i meant i relationship 100, mor den 70"
lyk dis if u reticulate splines evertim.


I am pretty sure she is making this up, because no girl I know ever takes naked pictures of themselves on their cell phone, ever. :/


Go see The Theory of Everything.


Got it for free at the bar. Some promotion was going on.


I can't tell you that.


While your self righteous rant is surely appreciated, it should be noted you're saying things entirely uncalled for and irrelevant.

Good golly who didn't love you enough when you were little?


They still make them and they're still pretty popular.


Smoking means I put commas in the incorrect places


The ace of spades, the ace of spades!


By today's standards MM wasn't exactly skinny.


The twist is that you were the one saying ridiculous things. I like it!


Looks like some one needs to lighten up.


First use your teeth to gnaw out a tool that will allow you to make a better tool, then use that better tool to carve a small knife.

Before you know it, you'll be breaking out of prison wielding dual katanas in full armor.


Sorry, i didn't know who the real artist was. i was just scrolling through some forums and found this pic.


Does this work?

http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/s320x320/422011_10150621081062713_579622712_9118318_455585470_n.jpg


Oh come on, at least [show some originality](http://www.reddit.com/r/redditrequest/comments/udl0z/requesting_rshitredditsays/c4uiuht) when submitting a troll request. =/

*Edit*: Ohhhh-ly shit. The bridging in this thread. Downvote harder you angry neckbeards. Bahahahaha.


Usual conversation with a customer:

Me - Did you try restarting?

Them - Yeah!..

Me - Are you sure? Cause the first thing I'm going to do is restart your computer...

Them - Uh... fine, I'll restart it *again*...

Later on...

Me - Did restarting work?

Them - Yeah.....


I don't mind a girl having guy friends, I just won't be taking her serious.


TIL how to remove a human ear


Y U NO MAKE Y U NO JOKE?


Wow.  That is the saddest thing I've read since at least 3pm.


i now see my grammar mistake, i now also see your butthurt.

i wont make any effort to change either.


He's still a cunt if you ask me.  Smug fuck.


You're so mad because he left Liverlol


But....they just met. Isn't that kinda crazy?


Don't put too much attention on an agent of provocation.


Where we're going we don't need pockets.


Meh if you're addicted to that move it betrays the fact that you haven't played enough games, looks so generic even Oni had it and that game was released in 2001 by fucking bungie


Probably why he buys such big grapes.


Yes because posting something on Reddit makes it instantly trademarked.


What did Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their biggest hits were the wall.


Yeah it's called ram you dumbasses.  Do you think a computer just reads everything off the disk constantly?


The thing was I didnt think of him as creepy at all. I thought of him as completely guile-less and open-hearted which, of course, comes off creepy!


I used to be a loser stoner, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


He was probably going to fap


I think i just threw up in my mouth a little


Perhaps the grandma actually had raped most of your ex's boyfriends, and the family was laughing nervously.

*"She's just kidding, eheh..."*


Nice chirp :D Don't worry, we'll make it. Still 16 games for us to snag up a spot.


I really can't blame Hugh, you're brother was a dick.


thanks for ruining the punchline bro


Maybe that was his answer.


i enjoy the attention


I only have one cold side and it warms up eventually.   You can always turn me over though but you'll have to repeat the process.


Dude what's your problem? Is your dad a xerox or something?


James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron.

James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron.


Agreed. After all, they have the best record in the league and are rated top five (usually number one or two) in most statistical categories. They're clearly the league's best team.


I was waiting for a 'tree fiddy' moment or a moment where Shakespeare characters appear out of nowhere, just to know that it's a joke.

But... wow.


Yep.  i thought the title that would get me some internet points  as everyone is losing their minds over some rumors


Batman's parents are dead.


I think your dad's a douchebag for not letting them use the pool


Just think what would have happened if you had been eating skittles.


"Its fast, its somewhat chaotic, its fun."
Kid, back to COD


Falls into his BBQ grill while trying to smell what he's cooking.


bla bla bla bla.  I don't care either way.  Just because YOU'RE an atheist, it doesn't mean YOU are smart.


You know, if he never left an imprint that you guys were dirt poor, he did his job well I think. He made you believe it was all just a fun game. That's awesome. He saw you through that rough time the best way possible. Sounds like a great person :)


> In speed running the end is generally considered to be when player control is taken away and the credits roll.

Maybe the speedrunning community needs to change its definition then.


>  and drove all the way to our house the next day

I like these people.


Everything is cool when you're part of a team


you look like a ballsack


Post hoc ergo propter hoc.

Sweet brd, you all go on so much about logic you'd think one or two of you might've actually studied it.


so true. dare had no effect on anyone. Most it did was teach me about how to do drugs. Plus all the stoners i know wear dare shirts all the time


> a political scientist

> who can't seem to name feminists outside of jez and tumblr

If you think PolSci revolves around memorizing names of feminazis, think again or quit the field.


No, I'm pretty sure I know what it means.

I haven't called anyone a faggot, I haven't overused the caps lock key, I haven't screeched about "censorship", I haven't threatened to take my toys and go home, none of that.

The same can't be said for a lot of other people today.


I'm going to spend my points at the Reddit Bargain Barn.


That's an interesting theory. [Care to hear mine?](http://i.imgur.com/X663q6s.jpg)

Edit: I see a lot of people are confused. [This should clear it up for you.](http://youtu.be/UUl3TSoUABs)


It let me cast Mark Ruffalo, one of the best and sweetest actors I know, and, I think, THE definitive Bruce Banner. (Apologies to Mr. Bixby.)


Ill have SRSsucks banned for clearly being a downvote brigade. Prepare. I already managed to get ddxxdd banned.


it's ok, she just increased the volume of her voice exponentially to compensate for lack of microphone. Only the true best of the best singers such as Ashlee Simpson have this ability


I will never understand how people could ever find you entertaining.


Then it's not a wedding, it's a Weird Al concert that someone's getting married at.


Probably a lie. I lived here my entire life and have never gotten a ticket. The cops don't really care unless you're speeding in a 10 mile area


Eyes straight ahead.


Greatest moment in LoL history? Really?


If the world were full of people like her, we'd be doing really well.

It seems like the interviewers are just vultures or parasites trying to claw out some controversy or force conflict when there isn't any. She knows the truth, and has thought it through much more thoroughly than that shitty interviewer


this needs to be higher


They don't think it be like it is, but it do.


and you wonder why she dumped you. you sound creepy and clingy as hell


Guess he never ate Hot Pockets.


Shut the fuck up church boy.


The whole idea of Jim Carrey on cocaine scares the hell out of me.


lol, I bet you found this on the gaming page of reddit, eh?  Well, I did a few days ago at least.


Count me in!

*EDIT: this is by far my most upvoted comment to date.


Strange how you automatically assume she is a confident woman because she shows off her horrid body and flips off the camera. It's horrid how people can think just because she shows off her body, she's confident. She's not confident, she's just shameless.


This Shiny Magikarp is special in two ways.


We paid for this game and he thinks he has a right to BREAK IT so we can't play? I spent hours getting my L85 and Ghillie suit and he just REMOVES THEM BOTH because he's such a bad coder.

He should just stop changing things or sell the game to a real company that knows what they're doing like Mojang!


That's not a surprise considering one is gaining an organ and the other fucking losing one.


This is the internet, you can freely say the word fuck.


Well she definitely has a learning disability.


But I don't want to, daddy! It hurts!


It'd have to be a silent film though


This is a most brilliant observation, kind sir


What happens during daylight savings?


Don't be fatuous.  There is a difference between being living in a house and being homeless.


When stage coaches were the normal way of travelling, someone would have to sit up next to the driver of the carriage with ... well, a shotgun, for protection of the cargo/passenger/horses.


Smoke a joint and chill....


False: The game is called "Which one of you would I fuck *First*


Right? It's not like there's an entire subreddit devoted to people saying things like that. Geez, parents, stop being hypocritical.

Edit: Jesus, guys. I'm on your side. Read my comment history. I was just pointing out that it does happen contrary to what the person I responded to said.


>Confession is good for the soul, but terrible for relationships.

You magnificent bastard.


Shame she's not around today. I'd have love to have given her another pearl necklace. :\^)


**WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


This sounds like:

"We will enforce our rules strict to the letter as of next tournament, so that there can be no discrepancies in our current one. Possibly making an announcement before we do."

Cheers for the reply Tobi.


I love Gillian's decency and intellect. I love Alison's talent and drive. I love Donald's creativity and gentleness. I love Danny's heart and joyfulness. I love Joel's commitment to family and generosity. I love Jim's fearlessness and kindness. I love Ken's playful spirit and loyalty. Did I miss anyone?


Because they correctly believe that human lives are at stake.


Clearly he's a RAF man with a shite sense of navigation.


What's your point? Yes, I can see myself in the mirror. I'm not a vampire.


I'll be blunt. Im asking where you are, because if it's near to me, i'll come down and kick them both out for you.


I said that out loud. I came here to post this. For once, reddit, I was not disappointed.


I saw one that said "I ate your brakes". I can't take that commercial seriously anymore.


Hey cool, you can count to 1! Big step for you today, I'm so proud!


> he took a knife and carved it down to make it fit.

*cringe*


No...I'm bored to tears while my videos are being converted for other uses. Hate editing but this makes it somewhat less tedious.


I don't think you get it. Turtles live for a really long time. It pretty much a get two lives for free.


I'm really drunk right now.  So fuck it.

edit: I'll do it, alright.  I just need to know where to get an edible animal penis.


I think they need a RIIIICCCOLLLAAAAAA


I don't know him, but I'm disappointed he went.


>There are literally thousands of men who could beat the top woman.

Chris Brown could finally launch his successful tennis career.


Sounds like somebody is still pissed about /r/jailbait being shut down.


Our ability to grow facial hair would be a source of anger to the Chinese.

Edit: I want everyone to know I have never earned this much karma for one comment.

I made this while procrastinating when i should have been studying early today, slack off in school and you can grow up to be just like me.


No offense but based on a lot of posts in this sub, this very easily could have been something serious.


Keep in mind that a lot of people won't post their tiny salary.


This is pretty sad, you don't even know the fucking guy and you already judging him like you know him very well.


This is what Gran Torino taught me.


Downvoted for use of the phrase "on point."


Thrusters don't go to warp. Get off my bridge.


Moreso with women. Women are masters of rationalization. They all do it, the degree to which they do is the only thing that differs.


Ultron's afro pick CONFIRMED.


If you have an argument let it be that argument. Anyone with half a brain cell doesn't read any of that bullshit at the top anyways. Know your audience, fuckbrains.


Seriously wtf is up? The skinned her fucking knee and the parents are suing the school...? It's not like she died.

I have skinned my knee several times in school, gotten my teeth smashed(play accidents etc) and my parents haven't even had the thought of actually suing the school. Why would they? It was a mistake - made by me. Shit happens.


More like push people to buying their online version (coughcoughwindwakerhdcough).

Woah guys 40 downvotes for this one? I wasn't completely seriously.


A cupboard full of unopened Oreos packages.


Sarcasm is wasted on the stupid.


For us ignorant Americans that is 8.8th graders.


Nah bro....it was his plan to let this happen.


A.A. rules are easier:

1. Don't drink.

Edit: *Please* stop telling me about the 12 step program. I am begging you. 17 orangereds last I checked, and half of them are telling me about the 12 step program. I know about the 12 step program. I was making a [joke](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joke).


Yeah, the ladder could beat Jackie and Jet Li.  Derp.


oklahoma city thunder


that didn't deserve to be downvoted.


It's not junk, it's a penis.


Make up works wonders bro. It's rare to find a naturally beautiful girl.

Edit: maybe I'm just picky, Fuck Y'all niggas lol


Do you, perhaps, have an above average interest in marine life?


That awkward moment when the reply gets more up votes than the original.


Genuinely felt embarrassed for you after reading this.


/r/theydidthemonstermath

EDIT : Apparently this meme is too dank for you guys


I feel like I just watched a dream come true.


that's the one, here, take my wife in appreciation


When flip top caps were introduced to toothpaste tubes, I still unscrewed them. Government don't be tellin' me how to get at my toothpaste...


How bad does your life have to suck when you find yourself drawing stick figures in compromising positions?


no straight guy would wear something like that with that mustache.

and a hipster wouldn't be that built.

i could be like sherlock holmes with stereotypes.


24

(includes today and end-date)


If a ten-year-old can find a fake wall door, so can the police.


Wash that fucking thing every once in a while dude. I feel sorry that dogs about to put that thing in his mouth!


That particular place is known even today as one of the dangerous places in our country. She stepped outside the societal rules made for a low caste women. I have witnessed many these kind of incidents in that area and I felt like it's a part of the society.


And what does that have to do with removing him? There's not a limited number of mod slots.

obvious logical fallacy is obvious


"If he was a pancake, he would be a very nice pancake."

This is so cute! :D


Even though he is probably a piece of shit, the NHL made their bed with him.  I agree.


This makes me sad in a way only the Knicks can


How dare they offer the ability to play the game for free? That's far worse than requiring you to pay $60 for a game! It's ridiculous for these developers to try to make money off of their games; how reprehensible!


Its not a matter of people thinking unidirectionally, it's a matter of stupidly worded problems. You're writing for second graders, use proper nouns and be very clear.


Honestly yeah, this kid looks better than some douchey celebrity trying to let the world know he's "cool" now and not some Disney kid.


Yeah, but you failed to mention that you were 2 feet tall and 3 years old at the time.  Context.


What's worse is, he won.

Never again.

Impeach Obama.


dedication, that right there is dedication, props OP!


> he never looked the same.

He never looked good, so it's a little disingenuous to say it was because of the orbital.


you might even say "deuce" ways


Probably the most reasonable thing I've seen written about this, most of the lefty types just celebrated the destruction of the football program with sadistic glee, mostly because they hate sports because they are nerds


Waving to strangers leads to social interaction. Social interaction leads to friendships. Friendships lead to dating. Dating leads to sex. Sex leads to pregnancy.

She didn't want her daughter to get pregnant.


**Wow a Protoss Babby would say that. Obviously when we refer to that its a reference to alot of the previous buffs to Protoss and Nerfs to Terran**

1.4.3 generally considers all the recent buffs to Protoss. in the previous patches and nerfs to Terran.

Its the most recent big patch. That's why we call em that.


"No, you're going in the water."


WEN I WAS LITTLE I PUT DA AMINAL SEMEN IN MY SISTUR WEN SHE WAD SLEEPING!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEN SHE GET OLDER, SHE DEAD CAUSE DA PUPPY COME OUT FROM HER BOTOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAPPY CAWSE NOW I GET ALL DA TOYS GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Lift your bundle, press your grundle.


Yea, didn't realise that, I thought about something like absorbing the burn, and covering it with liquid of some sort. Well, I think this is end, you proved me right, congratulations guys


What the fuck? Did she think she and Woody Fucking Harrelson were going to start dating?

 "A fool's legs are soon parted." (I just made that shit up.)


So 'torturing' a terrorist is bad, but torturing an actor is ok?

Anway, best of luck with the outrage and calling the kettle black and whatnot.


I just stick a tampon up my ass and use the string to tie that fucker down


Thank you very much for taking the time out to make this post!


> the HR person's face immediately got red and they got defensive. "Well...I'm the person you need to talk to about that."

"Actually, you're the person that I need to talk to about my new salary.  My old salary is irrelevant."


Yeah haha a great example of how automatically closed off women are  nowadays haha hilarious!


Better version
NSFW
http://imgur.com/hGStj


I'm tired of seeing people's asses hanging out.


I thought this movie was so creative. You think you've got it all figured out, but by the end of the movie you're questioning your own judgement and sanity.


So gamergaters are child abusers now, got it.


I really hope you are proud of the decision you have made.

http://i.imgur.com/x8RnX5p.jpg


I also suffered significant nerve damage from a high fever after the yellow fever vaccine, resulting in permanent disability. So, you know, there is that whole 'vaccines are safe' thing that isn't exactly true. But hey, I guess I'm a small price to pay for your safety. Fuck me, right?


Holy shit, you need to casually wander up to a set of drums on display or at a party or something in front of your friends one day and play the shit out of them. You'll be living out a personal fantasy of ~~mine~~ everyone.


What? When did I say that? Show me a specific quote.


I have a feeling it wasn't completely necessary to poke it directly on his buttHOLE though..


>I don't live in the US, and as a result I haven't heard all that much about them. The more I hear, the more sick of them I get.

That's no excuse. You are on an American site, using American technology, on an American computer, in a god forsaken country America has probably allowed to exist. Know your basic American history.


Or announcing their presidential run.


They're pretty lucky. If that was me‚ I would have fucking raped them all or something. They sound like a bunch of annoying twats. What the fuck happened to this generation?


Pepperidge Farms knew


^  came to say what this guy said.


Feel like I should reply to this one...
She is a beautiful woman, but completely flat chested, her head comes up to my lower chest ( very short ), super thin, youthful looking although she is 34.
Didn't mean it as paedo, just she is very petite.
11/10 shaved.


War veteran here, whenever someone calls themselves a veteran and have only done ROTC I put those fuckers in their place. Bitch, i got a buddy who got out of the army and went ROTC while in college and he could smoke pot. That is NOT the military. It's just silly, fuck fuck games.


Your dad is a smart man.


Oh yea? You know how I knew this was fake?  Because he's a male ballet dancer.  And they like men.

EDIT: By the plethora of downvotes I've gotten, must be a lot of disgruntled male ballet dancers here.  It was a joke, people.


I watched this for the first time at home.  I walked out of my apartment.


>I'm not disagreeing with you, but the king ISIS a trained pilot.

edit: Jeez, it was just a joke fellas. Calm down with the downvotes.


Don't make jokes about the Germans tho... we can't survive a funny-bot v2


No it isn't. It's inane.

Edit: I beg your pardon downvoters, you were right, a guy getting dumped and then kicking some gum into a bin is *riveting*. I think it rivals Dostoevsky. Someone call the Pulitzer nomination committee.


"Ugly Naked Guy looks like he's got a captive."


Um, it wasn't meant to be a joke in the traditional sense. I didn't conjure this up from free thinking. I saw a man who looked homeless. He also appeared to be talking to himself. To my surprise, he wasn't.  In my opinion, I thought this inaccurate assumption had some humor to it.

Also, fuck you.


If Romo wore any other team's jersey there wouldn't be nearly as much venom.


but that dude had so much swagger in his you coupd telll he gave zeros while being taking out by the bike

that's what makes it so wtf for me...i'm always paying attention to cars as i cross the street


shit.  tell everyone you know.


Your comment was AUTOMATICALLY removed because it violates the verbal morality code.


indeed, that incest was quite... sudden


And I'll downvote what I want, thanks.


I was in that exact situation. But I went. Now we're married and have 1.8 kids (the second one is still under construction) and a career I enjoy. Best decision I ever made :)


No one cares about your sexuality.


If the hobo ends up plugging Rampart, I swear to God...


LmAo iiiiiiiiiT's NoT a FoRk YoU ReTaRdEd DuMbAsS !


Nice try, Gillette ProGlide.


Fish are friends not food


I do too unless I had raw meat in it.  Savings + less wasteful


I'm laughing so hard at this.


"The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for
authority, they show disrespect to their elders.... They no longer
rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents,
chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their
legs, and are tyrants over their teachers."

-attributed to Socrates by Plato, c. 400BC


It's good to see an American who can admit his country was the bad guy in WWII.


I'm just waiting for a girl with the username XoXoJENNYBBGRL2015oXoX (Because she sounds like she's perpetually about 12 years old) to post "TIFU by cheating on my husband then coming home and telling him I just touched his penis a little bit. He didn't believe me. :( :( :("


Given the size of the average PC gamer, will that really work?


"It's the meth I swear I'm 18"


Thanks for the insight!


Always meet them there, drive with your own vehicle and for the love of all that is holy don't just stay when they're being a douche. Leave. Don't waste your time.

But really first rule, never let them pick you up. Meet them there so you have an escape route.


You're an idiot. Muhammad is just a variation of the name Ahmed or Mahmud.


King of the Castle, King of the Castle!


I know, what the fuck. Some of us look bad regardless and this person (I guess girl now) can just go back and forth? Fuck that. There is no justice in this world.


Welp, no need to scroll further down, thanks for saving me some time


Had no idea it had posted before as normally reddit stops you posting a link if it has been posted before and this time it didn't.


I would be more surprised if you *didn't* find Tom Selleck in a cowboy hat store.


One day, Arsenal might think they have won a title too.


I think you'll find that he actually invented wearing a suit.


Okay, don't believe me. That bothers me so much, really.


I've seen several videos where bears pretend to be distracted and then unexpectedly just start charging.

I'm pretty sure bears are just sneaky little futskers.


So defensive.

Srsly? Don't get what I'm referencing with the name?


Nervousness may be a factor, but the point still stands. Talking to woman is fundamentally exactly the same as talking to men.

source: I have had conversations with men ***and*** women


I'm guessing you don't live under a dictatorship and know no one who actually has. Because to be frank your equivocation is offensive to those who have. That you think a person keeping a strict moderation policy to maintain a safe space is in any way at all equivalent to a real dictatorship, go get off the Internet. Read a fucking history book, and quit being such an ignorant privileged fuck.


Have you not seen that Grey? They kidnapped Liam Neeson's Daughter.


Please don't, we have enough worthless hippy stoners as it is.


like being hugged to death.


I didn't say otherwise.  Some people never have children, it's true.  What I also said is that some people think they never will, but down the line change their mind, and there's nothing wrong with that either.


You should have just apologized to keep your story believable.


Oh my fucking god. Can you all just let Pokemon go the fuck away? Why does Pokemon have to have ANYTHING to do with ANYTHING? Damn, it's like I'm surrounded by 10 year olds on this site.


What's right with it?


This one's not pretty.


Play TF2, relive the joys of hats.


Upvote for accuracy, downvote for following that silly question mark meme.


He told me after that he had never been so confused before.  He fell asleep in English, and woke up in AP BIO.


This needs to be upvoted more.


So...what do you do for fun? Come here often? What's your sign? Do you have a mirror in your pants cause I can see myself in them. (Not really, I'm blind)


Seahawks are the least classy team in the league. Richard Sherman, Doug Baldwin, Marshawn Lynch….


He should have replied "You promise?" and winked at him. Then loudly smack his daughter on the ass as they're leaving.


Can I hop on the train?


Man, you should open it with a few seconds left on the clock and then start screaming and running around clutching your hand then stuff it under the tap in the sink cursing the mad genius that created such an infernal contraption. She might faint. Good times.


You are the reason we are living in this fucked up society, giving words "magical" meanings.. It's just a fucking sound you make with your mouth, a few fucking keystrokes.

If you are offended by any word in any language your parents were unfit to raise a child.

nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger


Fair point; see "I don't agree with everything all Mormons do" above.  Personally, I am all about the gays.


one of us, ONE OF US, ONE OF US...

EDIT -67? not bad.


How much for a cream pie?


Have you ever been told that offline?


Black man here, I can confirm that I couldn't confirm this


Youre opinion is hackneyed, your opinion is poor form


warning: if your objection is sustained for more than four hours, consult a doctor.


You misogynist. Some of the staff are women.


Funny?
I think that's a terrifying reality.


I see you saw the comment on the video. Nice.


No. *This* is dolphin. Who the hell are you?


Source or never happened


Sounds like a great reality show: "Packin' Heat with Lady Liberty and Mary Jane." Coming this fall to TLC.


When GB Packer fans stop jerking off to their posters of him.

So.. *never*


Someone didn't put too much into Barter skill did they. 40 caps is a bit high


Romney can do no worse than the current government.


This is actually a problem I have. In all my relationships, unless I was betrayed, the "honeymoon" phase never ends for me. I was with my wife for five years before we got married and to this day, I still love her passionately and get giddy whenever I think about her or whenever we go out.

She moved out of that phase long ago, but she tolerates me well enough :)


Fuck Christians, the scum of the Earth.

/r/atheism for life


This means masturbating 50 times a day for sixty years. I can respect that.


Could you give me a link to the comic?


First use of account two hours ago, what an amazing coincidence.


take my upvote good sir


Dude it's made in China


Niiiiice. Racist much, jkomets?


god damned single issue voter


I still feel like I love her though? Even if she has a STD maybe it could work out. We have been together for so long, I feel like I owe it to her to be a good father. Maybe she made a mistake and was seduced.

I feel so confused right now.


Football!  And Wipeout.

And I really like submission grappling.


More like FAG, FAG, FAG, FAG, FAG, FAG, FAG FAG the science douche.


Part of science is here to make life easier and improve things for us. Obesity is, in many examples, a consequence of animal instinct for survival juxtaposed to a life of plenty. We made up for our inability to fly, why not make up for some peoples lack of willpower or drive?


I see what you did there.


They're more like guidelines really.


No.   This is the shit that you end up with on your boots if you support American style free speech.   It's a necessary evil.   At least you can see how awful they are.   In systems like France and Germany, holocaust deniers get away with their bullshit "Facts" because it's illegal to publish it,  so they can hide behind the "Jew cover up"


> Given his attitude, I'm cool with customs denying him a visa.

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa he has more money than me

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


He totally set that up!

*Bruh, go bully her and I'll swoop in.*


u are over, dont take it.. personelll.. kid

edit: heh, cant handle me at my best u dont deserve my at ur worst


Golden State. If I played with them, we'd be raisin hell. - Chuck


He is a crazy, drugged out psycho.

[Proof.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Long_Hard_Road_Out_of_Hell)


OH MY GOD HE TALKED TO ME OH MY GOD


The funny thing is I saved this and I am giving it a few months and when it all goes down I'm going to send her those screenshots and laugh. Laugh like a fucking fat kid laughs at fat free food. In all honesty I'm single as fuck and I just don't care anymore yee yee