OH Nice quirky response!!!!...Such standard reddit stupid shit bro
Everyone gotta make 1 little sly remark and they think hot....stupid shit


☑ Ridiculously Photogenic Guy

☑ Attractive girl

☑ title compelling users to click

☑ non-alienating vulgarity

☑ i.imgur.com

Yup, this checks out. Fasten your seatbelts, ladies and gentlemen. We're going non-stop to the front page.


No, jobs are about taking away from others as much as possible. Play them, manipulate them, lie to them if necessary.


You have answered Yes.

Your adoption matches will now be filtered for our  ***EXTREME*** line of cats.


Hey... great news.... "Dead Horse" magazine called.... they want you on next month's cover!

Edit - Holy crap. Only 4 minutes and 9 downvotes.

Edit 2 - Okay... 16 minutes and 35 downvotes.

Edit 3 - Wow. I'll keep it here and take my licks. Goin' down with the ship.


Call the cops. This thief is going down.


Can you not be an unbelievably huge faggot? No? Then alas, similarly, I cannot stop posting shitty crops.


"We're so 2008, you're so 2000 & late"

-Black Eyed Peas, 2011


wow thts rly racist nd i belive tht god made us all da same way in th inside. y do u hate so much. ur the raison tht rape nd murderr exist.


It is a bit painful....we re-program our alarm clocks every day.


No. They fucking killed him.


Germany did that and look what happend to them

Edit: You are putting a star on me, just like hitler did. Thank you I guess


Edit:  Wow.  Excuse me for expressing doubt.  This, right here, is why some people are afraid to debate things or try to have any discussion with anyone on Reddit.


Yeah, some of these pictures are genuinely really funny, but throughout, my face when browsing this thread didn't change from [this](http://i.imgur.com/Xb1KO.jpg).


Thats what I was gonna say :(


Your edit seems to contradict the little AMA you did a while ago, no?

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/8zeyc/i_am_a_well_known_redditor_ama/c0ax06r


that is actually some riveting commentary there chap. well i must be going now, pip pip tally ho


England, the world's foremost authority on the right thing since 1583.


I'm not sure if I should give you an upvote or a downvote.


Up until then they were genuinely considering Fapple.


god i fucking hate Mourinho he's an overrated manager who is only good when he has billions of US dollars to spend, i hope the MESSIah never plays for him


She is a very suspenseful storyteller.


Agreed.

[Obligatory.]( http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/353/279/e31.jpg)


He just told us all to get the fuck off Reddit. /win


now you're just someone your mom used to know


Ah, the scorched earth policy


oh, it's your cake day? here, have a upvote


This. A million times this. People don't seem to understand how miserable other people are to see you happy without them.


r tard - wow i was just joking too  lol


Wait, that annoyed you more than "The photons are gaining mass!"?


DADDDY SAYD DAT DA PWESIDENT HAD DA SEXY TIME WIT DA FATTY LADIE!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Right in the feels...

Damn dude. Heart goes out to you.


>le One does not simply /tp Mordor.

FTFY :D


Everyone knows that’s what credit cards are.


>him and his gf

*he* and his gf. You wouldn't say "him laughed," so you also don't say "him and his gf laughed."


* Made a porn star wet.

Well he just checked something off of his bucket list.


another lol!!
I'm dying over here of laughter (serious)

and now I'm crying because I will never experience what I am seeing


HE PLAYS KERBAL EVERYONE!!!


It's as if people are that concerned about the rules! What the fuck? He's just done everything he can, both legal, and not legal, to take his team to the Superbowl again? Can't we all just be happy for him? WIN AT ANY COSTS SHEEPLE! LEAVE WINNERS ALONE!


How often are you discussing the buoyancy of breasts with your community?


Ohh my good Jesus! That finger looks so lifelike!


First day on the job and he's already getting them bitches wet.


That's ignorant and homophobic.


*Virgin* Mobile.
...sigh, nevermind.


*smacks forehead with palm* Ask my husband's permission? Thanks for taking us all back to the 1950's........
I am going to have to show this post to my hubby we are going to have an amazing weekend! ~ circa 21st century


I refresh reddit over and over and over, in like four different windows.


And into the eyes of oblivion I stare, as I stand before the edge of the world.


Ouch, looks like he just got rejected.


Ask the American Revolution.

MURICA: Fewer a's and e's.  More f's and u's.


You know what annoys me? The fact that he went to all this effort and yet the reins look like some clothesline he found at the last moment. It'd look far better if they were proper leather reins instead of some thin nylon.

I mean I'm getting pretty unreasonably annoyed by this. I didn't even know I cared about the material of the reins used on a motorcycle chariot until a few minutes ago.


What, Robert Paulson had a name change?


Yes !! I'm from Australia and that's the only ad I get. Every third video, he pops up all like "Hi there, I'm in my garage with my new lamborghini.....". He is some motivational speaker bloke. I'm all for channels making money but I have only been getting his advertisement over the last few months. It's getting super annoying.


I didn't get it at first, then I took an arrow to the knee!


Jeans have to be washed? O_o


Just because you can doesn't mean you should. This goes for a lot of do it yourself shit. There's a profession based around this kind of work for a reason.


If you ever talk to you dad again you should let him know that sperm decides gender so it's really his fault that he got all girls.


GG isn't politics.  Shut the fuck up.  People keep trying to spin it that way.

Edit: The libertarian downvote brigade is here to try and make this about "LEFTISM" instead of idiotic freeloaders.  Nice.

Inb4 "LOL LEFTISM = FREELOADER AMIRITTEEEEEEE?????"


They just pointed a gun at me and told me to speak into the camera - felt it wasn't worth arguing to much


That doesnt mean he is more experienced.


"And those *shoes*...which bowling alley did you scavenge those relics from, honey?"


I just did this. Felt exactly like it looks!


I feel as if you're missing the word "selfish" in your whole explanation.


Oh fuck right off. What a patronising dick. I bet good money you're some 13 year old dude touching yourself in your bedroom.


This is the reason why girls don't show up.


No it doesn't, ive had this happen to myself and what happened was a game glitch allowing you to pick up an ammo pack


>I was at a police forensics conference, but still...

TIL forensics conferences have some weird door prizes.


Dear rest of the world, start mattering.  Also we're the biggest economy so you probably should pay more attention.  Plus there was like an hour special on Al Jazeera about this, that's the channel you terrorists watch, right?


I did it when I was younger (borrowed a friends Dads GPS) and after a long hike found a piece of PVC pipe with a few old jizzed on porn magazines inside. Kinda turned me off on the whole thing...


lol little white boys so happy that their weak whities can run but blacks still the best thats why ur women love our muscles and big dicks haha


Its sad to see someone not realizing their childhood dreams

:'(


is  accual funy fak u

edt: dwnvots rly!


"Mom, why did the milk expire 2 years ago?"


Think someone said it was actually LSD :/

hardcore drugs, kids, not even once.


I know, right? They could have made a lot more money if they put the Pizza Hut inside the Sphinx.


Downvote for the spelling correction Upvote for the retort.


When Chuck Norris tips, the bill is 20% of the tips.


Wow, looking through your comments was illuminating. Drug use and pornography, you sure are off to a good start. Enjoy being a failure at life.


I'm picturing you standing over a glass of chocolate milk and a pinch of salt in your hand, with a terrified look on your face and sweating profusely.


LOL Derrick Rose played in Chicago and he's as soft as mashed potatoes.


His dad got caught in the same act a week later


>and thanks for coming out

Sorry... I just had to point that out. Made me giggle.


This video is two rare things: violence being the answer, and vertical filming being appropriate.

I'm gonna go unicorn watching.


I used to upvote attractive females on reddit hoping that they will notice and have sex with me, then i realized a woman wouldn't want to have sex with a neckbeard virgin like me. Then i became depressed and after recovering i decided to go walk in the park. All was well and good, until i took an arrow to the knee!


The same thing we do every day, Pinky. Try and take over the world.


Oh look, this link again.

0/10

Unoriginal.


*Bad* Dobby, *bad* Dobby!


didnt know exactly where to put it lol so i just put it here and /pics but w.e. i might do them there too who knows


"We'd stand beside you if we weren't so scared." - Bart Simpson


This IAmA has been removed for now, but we'll talk to Khaldor and see if he won't do one in the proper format.


Especially when you're at a party playing beer pong and the ball is bouncing on the tile floor and you drunkely keep chasing it until you smack your head against a wall. Then you wake up moments later surrounded by people pointing, laughing at you and you reallze that you have pissed your pants.


>on the smaller size than what i'd prefer

Hot girl that that can easily get lots of guys. Maybe she’s a slut used to big ones. Not presuming just saying maybe you shouldn’t.


Damn, and her son just left the show last season, as well.


You state a fact because this is basically an x-post from them.


wow, that beats my 18th birthday, skyrim was released the same day so i just played that for like 12 hours


I used to give cuddles like you, but then they took some marrow from my knee!


This song is constantly playing in my mind.


Missing the point.  Both parties are dirty and corrupt.  BUT DEMS ARE BETTER BECAUSE I LIKE THEM.

Fuck off.  I hate the fact that people like you can vote.


And then the hospital exploded.


Look it's cute that you're still a virgin or whatever but (1) not all girls have naked pictures of them and (2) lots of actual girls watch actual porn.


Youre the best my man


shut the fuck up you fucking faggoty faggot I bet ur mum is eating chow mein right now


And you must turn the car off, take off your seatbelt, get out, examine your park job, get back in, put on your seat belt, start the car, repark it, repeat.


you made a kneejerk comment that makes no sense. why would ixmike give a shit about sumails success and not every other competitive player ever, considering hes one of, if not THE worst player thats been in the competitive spotlight in the last 3 years?


Horse lady who drowned her children to be with some fuckboy


Do you know anything about Judaism, cause if you did you would know this is a stupid and ignorant question.


Oh stewardess, I speak jive


I don't know bro. I don't like dark meat. I respect that but like whatevs.


Oh the US doesn't bully, the US liberates sovereign countries to freedom.


Or stop stealing movies and games like a rebellious teenager and start actually paying for products you use like a normal adult.


I actually find it comically intelligent, if anything. It amazes me how funny all of these random people are.


Then why are you making a public opinion on a website frequented by hundreds of thousands of people, where almost every single piece of content is made by a person or people including this one? The 'people are overrated, I'm such a cool introvert I'm better than everyone' act is a fucking farce and you're a massive cunt.


It's amazing how far you can stretch that $20, when it's all you have.

Source: have been that poor in the not-too-distant past.


Meanwhile the Democrat war on babies continues with 57,918,236 casualties since 1967.

What's the current casualty rate for the war on women by the way?


Your work is getting dark.


"you and your gf are cute together"?

I've received that from so many friends and strangers about me and my SO...


It was to see if the glovebox in the BMW X6 worked when it was upside down.


This will get the upvotes.


Not us Brits though. Learn another language? Don't make me laugh.


oh, you'll be surprised how fucking different/better it loooooks. It's a shame I'm to lazy to do it...


I hope you were wearing the same clothes too.


how exactly is it cringey? I've received many compliments while I'm out or on Facebook. they're nice :)


You would like prison, trust me. We will give you sex anytime you want it. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


Saying "This." Makes you sound so stupid lol.  Sorry had to get it off my chest and help you out


It drops off so fast that it's undifferentiable at the point of marriage. You'll need a piecewise function.


43 days is roughly 2 months, stop being a pedant.


Guys, guys. We found the person Chatroulette was made for.


See. What he should have done... if he had the slightest bit of courtesy, was to post this as a comment in the previous thread.
Selfish prick.


God, Karen, you can't just ask people if they have math in Africa.


Or when he mistakenly makes someone trip and breaks them. That was an awful lot of money he was just man handling there.


Epitaph? Why not Apitaph?


Feminists are actually intelligent unlike small minded pieces of shit like you!


sometime good dog die for good mans


you know what's caring?  using their shit and insulting them at the same time.  "I'm a butthurt neckbeard who lives with my parents, but I find it necessary to say that my dad's old man ideas are crazy and backward.  isn't he such a dick while I'm so f***ing awesome?"

Seriously though, mocking dumbasses isn't a political platform.

**ROMNEY 2012**


Let's try something new. How about Reddit has no consensus on Frankie Muniz? We just skip this guy. No calling him badass or a douchebag. We just move on.

If this experiment goes well, maybe we can eventually move onto just not judging people we don't know based on scant evidence of pithy offenses.

But today, just Muniz.


What? Why down vote this? It's important information and everyone thinks it's my kid! I wanted to be honest and tell everyone that this cutie isn't my kid. I just babysit him a lot so seeing his recovery has been very relieving.


You mean ft. Pitbull?


I hope you're kidding.


It sounds to me like he's being set up for a con...


Literally more embarrassing than Hitler, amirite


Also can confirm, am panties


Oh, cool, you periodically rape your girlfriend. That fits in with the topic. :-/


> "put yours through first."

I'm not sure if you've ever seen a vagina but they're not well designed for putting through holes.


Or you are just a dick.


It actually amazes me how much time I spent dialing numbers of strangers in the phonebook until I found the right number when I was young. IT WAS A DIFFERENT WORLD THEN MAN.


It's computer generated anyway - they couldn't have a camera to shoot from that angle


NOW  http://i.imgur.com/VuELT1n.png

Edit:  Thanks for the gold!


hes a tent maker all right, he pitchers a tent for little boys


Stephano doesn't like bad players.


That's ok, wasn't gonna sleep anyway.


he obviously doesn't like it or care, you karma whore


Dude you can't just *ask* where he got his suspenders; they're his source of power. Its like asking Superman where he got his flying from


Are they chokin on our Lombardi trophies? We have enough for each team to borrow one. Plus an extra just in case the lions manage to lose one.


She told you you're going? Can I borrow her whip?

Ask her why and don't go. Do you really want to be all trashy on the Maury show? You don't. Really, you don't.


Truest comment ever. Fuck everyone who downvoted me!


Now if she nurses it and raises it, the turd could be the next Bono!


I have never argued they are in the right, where would you get that idea...the invented title by any chance?


It's just true, in any situation.

Just heard good news? Cup of tea.

Just heard bad news? Cup of tea.

Bored? Cup of tea.

Friends over? Cup of tea.

Just drank a cup of tea? Motherfucker put that kettle back on before I hurt your children.


He should have known the risk with playing it without delay. None the less the way he acted is how I judge people. Yes Lee Sin played it cheap but it's OddOne's fault for giving someone that ability. And when I see people troll/cheat against other pro players I don't see them react as negatively as this guy. Nightblue just chills and does his thing. This guy pretty much rages.


It's his duty to please that booty


Done and done. But you will have to take my word for it.


premixed.... i dont trust myself.


Yeah it is, don't hurt kids


Dad dicks were huge in the 90s


i wanna try that but im a comptlete n00b but who cares i've killed a dragon with a orcish bow and orcish arrows and i was in miners clothes boots ragged cap and nothing else and i killed it (with a little help from lydia but she just shot arrows and they missed by like 10 feet xD


Ridiculously Photogenic Advertising.


Thanks for your support. Yeah, I guess my idea of wanting people to realize women don't owe them shit just because they dressed "sexy" just made people fly into a downvoting rage.


Why do you not have more upvotes...


> /u/GTAVSUCKS - Redditor for 6 months
>
> /u/GTAV-IS-OK - Redditor for 1 year

O_O


I'm honestly not trolling is the funny part, it's just how that comment sounds to me. I get that's not the intent though.


*insufferable sigh* I am sworn to carry your burdens.


on a serious note,kids are gonna total pansies in the future because of this anti bully movement.


Where do you eat, The Ritz?

Family sized tin of baked beans (cold, still in can) and a fork. If I'm feeling especially classy I'll wipe the tomato sauce off my face with kitchen roll rather than my shirt sleeve.


Came here to say this, have an upvote!


They just moved to San Francisco, right? Right?


Where do you stand on enacting national decapitate animals day?

Edit:  New High score!  Thanks, /r/politics


Welp, someone's bitter.


I TINK IT A GOOD TING CAWSE DEN DER WILL BE DA LESS FAGGIT MONSTAS IN DA WORLD, WHICH MEAN DAT DA AIDS WILL GO BYE BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAGA GOO GAGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


First time I've heard this, and its a great standup line.


No you aren't or actually you are allowed to do whatever the fuck you want just like he is allowed to ask for pictures of his hot sisters. Just like we are allowed to tell you to get the fuck out if you are whining about irrelevant bullshit. Welcome to the internet. It's disgusting how too sheltered Redditor's are nowadays.


I agree. Also note that your tongue is in your head.


Y'all are just too busy white knighting to admit she's hot.


"What's your son's biggest goal in life?"

*Sigh* "Dragon."


Or maybe, *maybe*, it's honestly not as big a deal to men?  I know when you use the word **RAPE** it's hard to think that maybe it's not as bad for many men as it is for many women, but all empirical evidence seems to point that way.

*Why* do most men seem to not think it's that bad?  I don't know.  Should we desire to change this mentality?  I don't know.  But let's not deny that it exists.


What is...a Japanese apology to female genitalia?


Teachers are supposed to teach, not judge.

Edit: OK, this is rapidly turning into one of my most downvoted comments ever, so I thought I'd explain myself. What I mean is that instead going "You believe in God LOL - F for you!" you should educate these kids. Kids aren't stupid, they can figure out what's real for themselves.


As a New Zealander, baaaa.


Looks like I've been filling my hot tub with the wrong stuff.


and then he said it was fine to share the bed with him because *thats what grownups do*


hurr durr I iz complain my intrenat tooo slo. cry more retard, serves you right for electing incompetent officials that freely give monopolies to telecoms.


Why the fuck did I click that


You are getting upvoted simply because of pokemon, not because it is a good gif. He's not even making the dat ass face. Combining memes with anime = terrible and never funny to non-otaku-idiots.

**Edit**: Does the truth about lame anime gifs really hit that close to home Redditors?

P.S. I HATE 99% OF ANIME.


Working in a creative industry, I am obviously concerned about piracy and copyright protection. I just don't think the laws, as written, truly address that...we shouldn't trade piracy for censorship. It's a slippery slope.


>Now fuck off you attention whore.

You're joking, right? I'm not the one who keeps bringing up that 2 month old posts. It's you assholes. You LOVE bringing that shit up, otherwise you wouldn't do it. So you have no right to get angry. You started this shit. I left that behind 2 months ago.


Then you guys can make it rain, *together*.


/r/thathappened

obviously he saw the other posts and was making a fake post for karma.


I hope you're British, because that sounds so tragically British


Really? I thought this was a yawn fest


And leaving an empty house behind?


Ah, look an American in true form.  You see, to the native American, happiness, openness of mind, and pleasure at small but fun things is anathema to them.  They are quite CERTAIN that something is wrong or terribly ill with their fellow comrade.  Nothing can convince them that happiness and brightness of spirit is healthy and optimally preferred for a well-functioning mind and spirit!


I hope you looked at him just like this &#3232;\_&#3232;


**HEY GUYS MAYBE IF I USE REALLY BIG TEXT I'LL GET MOAR KARMA!?!??!?!??!?!??!? LOOOOL**


No no... the game is great. The $6[ Bullshit](http://www.dailydot.com/lol/cards-against-humanity-bullshit/) I ordered, that was actually bull shit is what I was talking about... :)


Excuse me, is this the train to Karmaville?


Maybe she started doing it when she realized what would happen if she left something uncovered.


At first it seemed like you were being nice, but then you turned it around and were actually being mean the whole time.  So when I read your reply I started off happy but by the end I was sad.

I don't really like roller coasters, especially emotional ones.


Seriously unlikely. "Hide it from Allah" means "hide it from everyone here who's watching".


Who cares whether it was or wasn't her fault? She's still glad she lost her baby.


We live near Toronto. We went to Niagara Falls for the day. We did stupid stuff like wax museums and haunted houses and olde west photos. We saw a live play and had dinner at a fancy restaurant. I ordered her her first glass of wine because I was of age and she wasn't. I had her home by curfew. We had a very brief kiss on her doorstep.


The "Robin Williams is dead" circlejerk is getting old. Just because he's dead doesn't mean people have to perpetuate that belief.


Ha. A child once did grab mine. I'm fairly well-endowed, and was teaching English Kindergarten in Korea, land of the flat chests. One of my students, a 5 year old girl, came up to me and looked up at my chest. Down at hers. touched hers. Touched mine, squeezed, then went back to her own, asking "Teacher... why? Why me... no...?"


Civ kiddies will buy more than the niche fan base ever did.


Or when you pick one and it turns out to be a long stringing one that was waaaaaay up in your sinuses and you pull it out, and you can feel it for like 5 seconds.


Noone in the post does it state she rides a motorcycle idiot

Edit: http://i.imgur.com/3o0Ph8d.jpg


"He's part anime."

EDIT: So this is the funniest thing I've ever said?  You are a strange beast Reddit.


nothing worse than some nigger woman singing her tribal shit at rich white youngins


Thought it was going to be this one: http://xkcd.com/1206/


That's one of the best lamps ive seen. I should get one. Bed Bath and Beyond?


Paws vs Pause, dont worry lots of Native english speakers dont get it


Even just saying "Hi, I'm <name>" is an introduction. He didn't say it was formal.


That wasn't a compliment.  You are an idiot.


i couldnt give a flying fuck if youre alone or with 20 people. is eating also a popularity contest?


haha it was a bbt reference


"Take what you can!"

"Give nothing back!"

**Sparrow and Mr. Gibbs fist bump**


Neither. It's an absolute fact that gays have AIDS in far greater numbers than normal people. Not that I have any sympathy for them.


Dick Powers is an excellent name for a divorce attorney.


No you're a straight man with a mangled penis.


he had a beard before it was cool to have a beard! Damn the hipsters (a group he is clearly not part of)!


You got my first downvote in my reddit life!!! Good luck!!!


We can't do this in Britain. We just sigh heavily, argue with them in our heads then go home and complain about it to our loved ones.


Yes, as if it would have been that much better if it happened on the 12th of September instead...


Had to check and make sure this wasn't "WorstAnswerPossible"


**upvote me please.. anyone .. I really need it :(((**

**Edit: Fuck You Downvoter .. You Are All Cunt. Thanks to Upvoter Tho**


> Edit: I...I don't understand what's happening here

Maybe you should turn down the music...


I able to confirm with 78.7% certainty that the above comment is spammy and another "arrow to the knee" joke. Am i correct? The comment will now be downvoted accordingly.

Please upvote me so i am able to monitor the site and keep spam downvoted.


And now I like Alan Tudyk even more.


>Discrimination actually hurts those that are being discriminated against.

So does making people do things against their will or conscience.

>How is Paul hurt by other people's gay marriage?

He's not. But it doesn't change the fact that you can define marriage to be only a man and woman. Nor the fact that gays can have other civil unions with the same equal rights.


Or get the guy in the attic to do an 'AMA'.


You will have war no matter what, since all of Israel's neighbours wants to destroy Israel.


Clearly before the Gillette Fusion ProGlide Manual Razor with Flexball Technology. Max contact on my ladyparts.
How can anyone walk past the razor aisle without noticing that motion-activated demo? So wobbly! So shiny. Had to have it.


Or let the raccoon sneeze in your mouth.  Washing your hands does the job just fine.  And now you want this guy who is trying to keep this animal alive and safe to have it killed.  Should I run to the CDC every time a strange dog salivates on me?  Just a bit of caution should be fine, no need to over-react.


> My foreman hated that one.

And rightfully so. That's just being a dick man. Do your job.


I think you ment "You sank my battleSHIT".


$87 at waffle house. DAMN.


I love how everyone becomes a fucking clinical psychiatrist! Yes it's a fucking DISTURBING mental image... Not a pleasant one! although to some people it might not be disturbing.


In the world of reddit, emotional women can be handled with flow charts and formulas.


This avatar joke got old the first time I heard it.

edit: This Arrested Development joke got old the first time I heard it.


（╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

That's it, I'm done!


This isn't 1903 anymore. Women have it better and men have it significantly worse. Wake up.


Sheesh, I hope you bought mutual friend a pint or something.


Will you post to /r/Gonewild?


Just wait till she plays along and starts farting


Police brutality and police abusing their power has got so worse that now when i hear a story about a cop being killed off duty or on i cheer, im filled with joy when i hear about a cop dying, i want to go to every dead cops grave and piss on it, i would tell their kids your dad was a pig and desereved to die. Fuck the police


*I spend 8 years studying dance for this?*

*Fuck it, I'll phone it in, no one will notice...*


I'm with you Nagato (this is Ivan)


> You'll make a dad.

I'm laughing so hard right now for some reason, thank you.


It's been touched up with CG.


Is it? Or is it giving woman what they really want based on more traditional gender roles?


She is just doing this so that you do the cooking...pure genius if you ask me


That moment when you take a legitimate picture and you get blamed for being a faggot...


My wife and I are getting divorced because of that dress.


greetings I am 22

being 22 on reddit gets u down voted


I wear my sunglasses at night

So I can, So I can:

* Watch you weave then breathe your story lines
* Keep track of the visions in my eyes
* Forget my name while you collect your claim
* See the light that's right before my eyes


Yes they are being dicks because it's only the national law that doesn't allow people who try to sneak into the country. I am sure no other country has such laws and if they try to uphold them they are being dicks.


Then the next year you had an accident which is when your Mom started to help you out by jerking you off.


If I could upvote your comment more than once I'd do it a dozen times :)


You weak-minded fool. He was using an old Jedi mind trick


Well, excuse me for not knowing every thing. Actually, I am proud I dont because I get on everyday. or is that sad?


This comment is stupid please ignore it, I'm using the mobile version do I can't delete it


the first time i watched this episode when i was like 10 years old i could see that maggie was the culprit.


>in the first month

It's entirely possible you wouldn't know.


Okay, you need to think rationally here. Stop being all emotional.


The sad thing is, they really don't realize it.


Well, they did find his semen inside the young girl.

But it's a long story as to how it got there.


You will be our leader.


GTFO, APPLE IS FOR HIPSTERS AND OLD PEOPLE.


That's kinda really nice.


ur resistances dont help ur build what so ever


Dude, he is clearly trying to deal to you.


i am 12 and wat is aliens cereal?


http://i.imgur.com/Tp5q385.jpg

Edit: Credit to /u/totalitarian_jesus


You have a problem with someone being 5'6"? Asshole


Think of all the potentially embarrassing moments of ignorance you'll be able to avoid now!


Don't worry we are professionals.


Oh me too.  It ruins the whole date.


I am trying to. The hard part is trying to get her to agree to see a therapist. She's staunchly opposed to seeing one, and unfortunately I don't have the time to take her to one myself.


His name is "Token Black" for christsake


and that's exactly why people don't wanna hang out with you.


"I already cut off my own arms!"


For me, your decision to point out that you didn't see OP as an "admission of faith or change of religion" is baffling in its nature as a nested non-sequitur.  After the comma things get really cheesy.

3/10 *extra point awarded for positive affirmation, however odd.


Oh my god I wish every guy was like you!  I really don't want to put your sweaty balls in my mouth.  Guys never do this and then go "hur dur my lady never blows me".  Would you want to put your dick and balls in your mouth if they've been sweating in your pants all day.  Just do a simple scratch and sniff test.


itz not dat hard my boi Jaquizz can do dat


The only thing more stuck up then that bitch was her tub.


The Greek situation is far more a result of European mismanagement and vindictiveness at this point.


I've never even seen Die Hard. I feel like a wizard.


I hate all of the above. You can go sit on a land mine.

edit: for all you slow mofos: this was me pointing out the hypocrisy of the statement I responded to


kindergarten.....spongebob..... I feel old


Which is also my point!!!
I got his fucking point in the process of this comment chain.
Are you people that fucking retarded around here?
I specifically said "oh, right"
Read the shit you reply to ffs.


To gain her power, I presume?


BEHOLD. I AM THE GUARDIAN OF FOREVER. THE SUBMITTER IS LYING. THE SUBMITTER FISTS HIS OWN ASS EVERY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY MORNING WHEN HIS MOTHER GOES OFF SHOPPING.


Funny, that's exactly how I hoped he would be like.


It's pretty early in 2015 but our experts are ready to declare this the Burn of the Year.


Are you on drugs? Malnourished? Have you killed someone? Did you get pregnant in high school? If you really consider the fact that you're just starting college and don't know how to drive examples of them not raising you successfully, you have no idea how lucky your life is.


He was a gay socialist Muslim.


No, you're the only one, get fucked.


That'd be more useless than the penny.


There must be some sort of way to exploit this.

Edit: Apparently an innocent inquisition towards the auto-mated software of a company now gets completely downvoted on reddit. I miss the times when someone who knew what they were talking about would tell me why it would or would not work.


Straight hipster girls dress like this as well. Maybe they are all just telling you that they are lesbians for other reasons...?

EDIT: Thanks for the gold.


Everyone should be attempting to avoid their taxes, taxes are simple and direct theft.  If he managed better, good for him.


>.... it's not porn ! It's HBO!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUBiOOx0Pxw *E: Prob NSFW.


FML, this has NOTHING to do with karma, did you even read my OP?


it would have been funny if your parents didn't know who he was and tried to tip him.


Tyler, no one cares about your technicalities. You're still jacking off to kids.


He wanted your life force.


My reply to your comment is worthless and everyone should downvote it.


You've given me a lot to think about, me


So this person spray painted your license plate and you had their car towed?


we wanted to go out before it became pathetic.


I think you mean you *can*, not *can't*


That's his secret. He's always Mark Ruffalo.


Thank you. It's nice to get a bit of support.


That's not new, you've just never had Taco Bell.


I used to love Earthbound, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


" Well , I heard you ordered some ....sausage. "


I know right.  Fuck those millions of people who died horrible deaths from torture and experiments. God didn't have a plan for those humans with families and hopes and  dreams.  I am an asshole for pointing that out.


Don't minimize court orders. The south was drug out of segregation by a court order. Many of the 36 states with legal gay marriage is due to court orders.

Edit: off to of.


It took you 5 minutes to find this. Why didn't you just wait and post the original when you found it?

Edit: Damn, I never meant to piss so many people off. I was just wondering why the OP didn't link to the original source. No need to unleash the hounds....


It's a douche manoeuvre, but that person was definitely over reacting.


Have you even *heard* of 4chan?


Well I'm going to go eat some ice cream now...


You haven't been in many business meetings I am guessing. That language is far more common in there than you know !


That made it more creepy to me for some reason..


You have made me laugh. An upvote for you.


Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a night. Set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.


Go to the return address, knock on the door, hit him with the brick, and tell him he forgot it in the PS4 Box.


Lol probably took ten or twenty photos. Damn whores.


I know you're full of Xenon cuz your reaction rate is slowing

But like coolant through the core my rhymes must keep on flowing

I see you're getting nervous as your cladding temp increases

But like two fission fragments my rhetoric will leave you broken in pieces.


well for me, I just don't care enough. If they post funny shit, I'm in.


It does not freeze. It saves your game. Get it straight.


Hey, dumbass. He's not the one who raped you. Go take it out on a fucking pillow with your therapist.


It's almost like they're normal people.


I'm clicking the down arrow on you, but I can't seem to make it go any lower


Ask him if he can turn Air Force One on and off with his cell phone


15 days as in 15 days on reddit... dumbass


18 is the atomic number for Argon


The above statement is sexual harassment


I'm not locked in here with you, you're locked in here with me!


Nothing more unattractive than a woman reveling in the fact she is an attention whore.


“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.”

-Mark Twain


undeserving and pedestrian play, yep fits pretty well


Friday night my buddy and I hopped on a ski lift with some other guy who was alone, and my buddy immediately told this joke,
 "So I was doing this girl from behind the other night and I slipped out and accidentally went wrong hole.

Ewwwww, vagina! "

Needless to say ten minutes of awkward silence followed.


Don't get me wrong, Trump would make a horrific president;  but after Obama he would seem like a god.


True story:

My first date with a girl, we were out having some drinks. She was maybe a bit tipsy, and she leaned over to say she wanted me. I told her to maybe wait till she was sober to say such a thing. She said she fingered herself to the thought of me last night, and she was sober then.

Of course, it was way less creepy coming from her, though.


Fuck you. I came to the comments looking for the video. I was about to thank you for linking it. Then I get this family guy crap.

Edit: I'm an idiot.


They're the ~~PETA~~ *Breast Cancer* of Breast Cancer charities.


Not possible, must be shopped.


Malevolent Rotating Testicle Syndrome?


Your comment is pretty fagical. I hope you know that you will burn in hell for your promotion of the evil acts involved in homosexuality. God Bless and I will pray for you and others fags regardless.

*Edit: you downboat me because you know it's true.


Only 90's kids would understand.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_parking#Multi-space_parking

They are words for the same thing.  Double parking can refer to multi-space parking.

I'll accept your apology now.


I always did this because I thought I was saving so much time. Then I realized, it's not like I sit around waiting for the toilet to fully flush.


Goddamn, look at all those niggers.


I hope your girlfriend knows you're a backend kinda guy.


yeah, this subreddit thinks it's ok to physically threaten me and im kind of disgusted by it, and a little bit mad, yes, thank you for asking


You need to call your ex and ask her if she had the same dream.


Yea! Anyone who thinks we shouldn't suck Israel's cock is an anti-Semite wacko!


DO. NOT. JOKE. ABOUT. THAT.


*Really*? That is a deadly gun. Nice choice for what? *Killing animals*, *Homicides*???

Its never wrong to quit:

http://www.bradycampaign.org/

**Quit now**. **Have no regrets later**.


I went shopping with my first bf when he was about 20. He needed new underwear. We found a few pairs that he liked but before we walked away to pay for them he said "wait" pulled out his phone, call someone and asks them "Mum, what size underwear do I wear?". I was amazed.


And my social skills!


Well this certainly took a dark turn


That thing good for you because you Know biomedical science but for me this is a Fuck......


I think John Wick did a pretty good job of doing this pretty stylishly. I might just be a gun fu nut though.


It would only be infinite value if it didn't take a card slot...


You might be right, Jewell.  ;)


Reddit has rules about posting people's real life information. Better delete that soon.


did you just say spaghettis ?


*Who cares?*

The bottom line is that the report system is easily abused.

Hell, me and my three friends send kids in the low prio queue all the time.
All it takes is us four and a couple of ragers from the other team who are willing to 'swap' reports for people on their team they hate.


They sound like a couple of sneaky pirates to me.


I still don't get it.

is this reddit's idea of a sick joke?

they really are showing what reddit has become.

a place full of **hate**


My mom tells me they're funny.


No flame throwers do green. You sir, are colourblind.


Is *mayonnaise* an instrument?


Darn. Well it was worth a try asking.


Put them next to his bed.


I like the tattooed version.  So your "much better" is very much an opinion and kind of dick of you to say.  Both pictures have an audience, so neither is actually better than the other.


Costco is the best company in America.

Sam's Club is only for evil right winger assholes.


Is it true that you browse /r/gonewild?


She Looks a Little bit like a horse.


What part of that is "kind of" sad? That's full-blown send-in-the-clowns sad.


OP's pic.

is this the birth of a new epic meme?


The coupon thing honestly sounds like an attempt at making me look like an absolute idiot.

*slides burger king coupons across the counter*

"Sir, this is Chick-Fil-A."

"But.. but this guy on Reddit.."


he called me a lazy bitch.
im not a feminist.
you are stupid to assume


Cold War Two: Electric Boogaloo


No but you faggots get your panties in a knot over the most mundane shit. No site gets so easily butthurt as reddit.


I think they looked the best in the 1930s or the 1940s.


I know!  It is almost like his unlimited states rights / anti-citizens having any rights that their state government doesn't allow them to have platform isn't resonating with voters.

We really need to step up our voter education work so they will understand just how oppressed they are by having the Bill of Rights protect them!


Jesus that's terrifying. I once read that if you go to prison, never owe anybody anything, because that's when bad shit happens. This pretty much reinforces that notion.


i-i-i-i-i aam michhaell j. foxxx ama

aksdljfaopsdufq3pq3f sasjskla;afj wjiaip p3uio34h8990herhb 344 34 ggui adf b adb adb3 3fq34o vn avs0h89wen0g5nhe3 vu4uh


Nope still nothing, again I see your words, but nothing, no idea.


Anything Pitbull automatically makes me want to stab people


Its still a valuable life lesson.  It doesn't matter if it is your fault or not, the world will still hold you responsible


I think I just burst a fucking blood vessel in my brain.


What is the difference between telling someone to ask her a question and asking people to disclose private conversations they had with her in the past?


nah, most music is about fuckin


There are, theyre just not self centered enough to make a post about it instead of, you know, PMing the guy he stole it from.


Jeremy Clarkson being run over by a Prius towing a caravan?


Clearly evil "racists" are destroying western civilization, not Negros, Muslims, or spics.

http://i.imgur.com/To616.jpg


Good, really.  Thanks for liking me guys!  It's still just a crazy experience, but I'm having fun with it.


Du vet mycket väl vad bilden vill säga. Sluta spela dum nu.


Nah. You'd be surprised what she can fit in her mouth.


That's not funny, fyi.

Gambling isn't a synonym for mishandling.


Did you just skip questions A through C?


Please, they vandalized a church and disrupted a church ceremony, let's not pretend they were taken from their beds by the secret police in the middle of the night.

If Christians had trespassed on a feminist rally with hymns and Bibles and fought security, I wonder how many of you guys would be asking for leniency.


Trick question. Both.


To be fair, how are those two things related?

Just because he made a joke about tumblr doesn't mean that he had some kind of hidden agenda (which personally, I don't think he did).


Not *that* attractive.


It doesn't have to be "what it is." You're the media, change it.


This must be your first day on grammar patrol.

"It's" in this sentence is used not as a contraction of "it" and "is," but in the possessive sense (such as "the bull's home," or "...here to his rightful home.").

The only thing worse than correcting someone's grammer is when you incorrectly do so.


I hope they keep the headlight fluid topped up.


I'm just speaking the truth; this isn't the atheism that I grew up with. Now being an atheist means endorsing mentally sick fags and giving them rights, as well as mixing the white race with the negroes. It's disgusting, why can't atheists just give up religion without being morons about it?


>I used to live in Crown Heights, Brooklyn.. before the hipsters came

So what you're *saying* is... You lived in Crown Heights before it was cool?


Brawl, Smash 3DS, and Smash Wii U.

But if you view it as just Brawl and Smash 4 that isn't wrong.

It's all based on perspective.


Can we do a kickstarter or something to get this guy raped by a family of bears? Come on reddit, have a heart. I know this story really touched a lot of us.


That was like two six year old girls "fighting"


I say we adopt this as the new truth.


It was meant to get a reaction, and it worked on you.


We've come full circle.


Cool man, you and about 10 billion other fucking people. Anyone else remember drinking juice as a child!?! Whats up with these batshit stupid nostrilgia posts? Is this circlejerk? Fuck off.


I'm obviously not a published author or film or television writer but the method that works for me is to write a character, then change them into a woman. If *the* defining trait of a female character is that she "is a female", the character is shit.


(just as an aside, brunovitch is making fun of benn and seguin, you're making fun of your fellow reddit users, many of whom openly said they were gay and that's why they found the comments particularly offensive. Punching up vs punching down, dude)


I'm sorry for trying to contribute.


How is modding /r/orchids going for you...oh wait.... :p


Well of course. He's not going to tell you all about it all at once. He's going to pace himself, he's in it for the long haul.


The downvote count for you kinda sticks out too.

I notice you've been a Redditor for over 4 months now, and that you've only accumulated 1,820 net karma.

I get more upvotes every two weeks than you've gotten your entire time here.


Your comment offends me because I went to school for spelling and the way you misspelled "palette" is horrid


Hopefully, the USA will do the same thing with the Christian whackjobs among them.


Now imagine this but with every music video ever uploaded on Youtube. By the way, have you ever wanted to know ~~how~~ what it feels like to live in Germany?

Edit: Wow, 1000 Hochwähls. Alles dank der GEMA! Dieser Haufen Ottos.


What ho, sir! That is a bully proposition! Now I am off to see a rousing bout of fisticuffs! *rides off on a penny-farthing\*


A  battery goes in the hole but I'm pretty sure this doesn't answer your question.


A mystical site for cats and faggots, welcome home son.


Got back from space, better go post about it on reddit.


**I REALLY LIKE YOUR EXPLANATION! SOMEONE SHOULD GIVE THAT STATUE A ONCE-OVER WITH OXICLEAN!**


well we know why you chose a mac


guy got greedy. I just downvote his posts now that hes just exploiting us for the $


Yeah, my wife hates having her wiener touched...


Sick freak. Your sister getting in a bad car crash should not be good news.


Because when I can time travel I want to live in the deepest, dankest pits of the ocean


Good point, there are robberies so domestic violence on women isn't really a big deal.

I can't believe so many people upvote stuff like this, I thought redditors were smarter than news site posters.


Ha! Unrelated: Anyone know how to get frozen cat blood out of sheets?


If she was a "good sport" she would have just signed it. Requiring the OP to validate her world view before signing makes her an asshole.


**"Nooo, no, no no... I kill the bus driver"**


Watch out, we got a bad ass over here.


Great shout, Harry will waste his opportunity with an attempt to Expelliarmus, what an idiot.


You seem to be lost in the 1920s, we just call them people now.

*[I am a bot](/r/AutoModerator/comments/q11pu/what_is_automoderator/), and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fphiladelphia) if you have any questions or concerns.*


My last name is Van. I say this joke far too often.


Where do you think you are? /b/?

**Edit** wow, all the downvotes are mine. It's just a joke reddit.


im only 13 but i listen to good music like the BEATLES and QUEEN not like that pop crap like justin beeber i was born in the wrong decade. amirite guiz!?


Came here to make this comment.


We just threw curved sticks at our prey. Did the job well enough for 40,000 years I'd say.


>This person was targeted because of his association with a civil rights group.

lol at anyone who actually thinks this is what happened


More like CLOPS a feel

...

I'm sorry


That's cause you like dick.


How are people in Australia still alive? Everything is out to kill them.


Am I supposed to be impressed?


His legs just weren't QWOPerating.

Edit: Thank you /u/wonderjack for the gold!


oh get off your high horse... its just amusing. who are you, the super accountant? psht.


Nope. Its for French fart porn.


Usually it's never funny to talk about child molestation, but I guess there are a lot of pedophile atheists on here that think it's a riot. Up voting for making fun of victims of heinous crime, welcome to /atheism.


Blythe, California* even as a Californian, I don't want to go there either.


BORING !!! NEEDS MORE BOOBS AND NAKED LADYS !! FART !!! FAMILY GUYYYY !!!


Congrats on your loss


said no one over the age of 12

edit:  wow the pokemon manchild fanbase backlash is strong on reddit.  who knew?


What do you think the purpose of voting is then? Top comments just appear at the top by themselves do they? Posts are on the front page by magic are they? How do you think value is applied to them all?

Shut the fuck up


yeah, I've heard it happens all over.  Maybe it's one dude with a weird fetish just circling the country smearing buttsauce all over the stalls.


Not my job either. I don't give a shit. I'm doing this for me, not you.


Wait just a second.... Did my post just inadvertently influence an entirely new subreddit?! Sweeet.


So what exactly are you planning to do with it and why are you using this name without the rest of SRS? Definitely sounds to me like you're just squatting it to stop us from having it, which is a real jerk move.


This made me feel so sad. You just wanted to be part of the chili party.
): ugh


From what doctors have told me, quality of life (IE income, diet, etc) are good preventives of diseases, and vaccines make more sense if you're from a low income area, or have a poor diet

So essentially, if you're upper class, you don't really need vaccines. They don't hurt, but you don't need them as much as others


*Sigh.* That's unfortunately not exceptionally unusual.


MY MOMMYY SAYD DAT IF YOU PWAY POKEMON AFTER DA HIGH SCOOL IT MEAN DAT YOU ARE DA FATTY VIRGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMMYY I WANA PWAY WIT DA FATTY VIRGINS GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It was very very difficult. I am not an athlete but I am in good shape and I did train for this, running, swimming, boot camps etc. They actually showed us the course before hand and gave us tips on how to do it. Still, I had a very hard time

I had to sign an 80 page waiver to get on the show. Pretty sure Disney owns me at this point.


Sorry I hurt your feelings by questioning someone else. This is Reddit. Everyone asks for confirmation. Clearly you've never been to an nsfw sub


Dark humor is like food.  Not everyone gets it.


I didn't realize turning a sound system on and making WUBWUBWUBWUB noises was considered creative.

Tho after the amount of drugs people do to make that noise enjoyable it doesn't suprise me those are the only functions they can perform any more.


I've also heard that the characters of that show represent the seven deadly sins.  It's not a perfect theory, but it's kind of fun.

I'll add what I remember:

Squidward: wrath

Mr. Crabs: greed

Plankton: envy

Sandy: Pride

Patrick: sloth

Spongebob: lust (don't remember why)

Gary: gluttony (running joke about him needing to be fed)


You seriously can't be this far in denial. She's cheating on you.

edit: woah just checking back in. Downvotes galore! All I was saying that if OP was *certain* it was semen, and it wasn't his, then what options did we have left? You can see from my comment below that I agree that it's likely from her, but OP sounded pretty damn sure that it was semen.


Seems legit. DId he mention crystals?

http://imgur.com/asirE


He doesn't like spending time with her and even though he's her favorite he pretty much wants nothing to do with her.  That is not caring.  That is the opposite of caring.  But at least he's honest for what that's worth.  He just wants her to be placed where he isn't.


Please tell me [THIS](https://img1.etsystatic.com/009/0/7939995/il_570xN.440670369_46le.jpg) was in your bag.

^Edit: ^Thanks ^so ^much ^for ^my ^first ^gold ^stranger!


OP's pic
is this the birth of a new epic meme?


Congratulations, you're a retard.  Have a nice day =)


Tony Stark! He's rich, he has women, boats, planes & a sense of humor.


Ah I see.  So when you finally take a break from raping the south of Europe you make pointless observations on Reddit.  Got it.

ETA: yeah on reflection this was out of line.  Apologies.


That's not cheap, it's smart.


Nobody forced you to watch it. Your comment was basically just you slagging her off saying shes a bitch, how fucking immature.


The name is not uncommon in Philippines also (which makes sense).

Curious as to what it means, I translated "areola" from Spanish to English.

It means "areola".


I just googled her, i wouldn't want to kiss her.

Can't even be honest on the radio anymore without losing your job.


Bingo! Wanna change lanes and the cab wont let you in? Just start changing lanes anyway. No one wants to get in a car wreck. The crazier you are the easier it is to drive. 50 years living in NYC.


You're the kind of guy that sees a down voted comment and comments something like this because it's already obvious that people disagree with him so there's a 100% chance people will "agree" with you.


Oh yes, definitely. I just know there is something looking out for me because I've made it this far.


**sushi sucks read this and upvote me to spread the word, there is no proof this shit is good because it isn't, the best sushi in the world is no sushi**


You mean this man helped invade another country.


Wait. You leave the TV on so the *house* isn't home alone?!


Yea, i sense a high "hillbilly" factor.


She's like a shotgun, one cock and she blows.


Computer science majors starting salary is like $93k. That's normal.

Edit: The 99% are downvoting me.


Bold words for a heroin addict.


I hope you just forgot to put /kayfabe after that comment

EDIT: I ain't removing this. Bring more downvotes, fuckers.


Come on, cheer up. Your SSI check should arrive soon and you can spend it on hookers and Ensure®.


that man deserves a medal


Then you should have said relatively instead of approximately. Idiot.


So the **Fight Club** version of **Ferris Bueller's Day Off**?


Said like a good little corporate sheep.


because you would be too b eautiful


LOL "looks" like a nice guy. Seriously, is this the type of retardation that passes for insightful thought nowadays?


Fox news headline: The war on religion continues. Obama gives innocent civilian his weiner.


oh shit,oops...im on my friends laptop and not my own,his screen is REALLY fucked so it looked way different haha,thanks for letting me know though man.


To be fair, I think she overreacted.


Is that sarcasm? Do you really think that Kurt Angle is a bad wrestler?

Cause I thought this moment was awesome.

EDIT: What? I'm asking him a question.


Because I was bad at school but I got one good point at school and mommy and daddy looked really happy.


Suspicious he's survived AIDS this long, though.


I masturbated while I read that.


What a nice way of saying, he can't accept an award graciously and he thinks his opinion should matter more than the opinions of judges and voters.


Just ease into it.

Jon Stewart: Welcome to the show, first off I wanted to ask you abou...

Zach Wahls: HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT CISPA??


I THINK DAT WAT DA OP IS TWYING TO SAY IN DA PICTEUR IS DAT HE ID A FAGGIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


My mother-in-law is the same way.  She keeps getting viruses & asking us to fix it (even though we live 19 hours away) or buy her a new one.
She recently started seeing a guy who's a gamer & has suddenly decided she's wants us to buy her a gaming PC, even though the most advanced game she plays is Candy Crush.


It's a good recipe and you need to lighten up, butthurt.


They're only like that when minorities are around.  When it's just white folks, they party on buses and get free newspapers and shit.


I play Shaco as a jungler, I don't build any items. For TONS OF DAMAGE!

EDIT: It was a joke, seriously.


All in tents and porpoises.


I guess a lot of people got mad.


yeah but i think at the end of the day, he made the right move as an entertainer.  those little kids dont know what a real push up is but it probably made their day to see him 'beat' some random dude that challenged him.


We only have selected officials.  Elections went out the window a long time ago.


Because we didn't get a threatening call from Liam Neeson yet.


I used to know this tv repairman that would just give people a piece of shit thrift store tv for free if theirs was "for poor people", but then I took an arrow too the knee!


I would have loved to see the reactions of whoever sat next to him, watching him just whip out a keyboard and groove, only stopping to sample the flight attendant and overhead speakers.


i respect your opinion, but i was just asking a question


Everything was right for me at that certain time in my life. The NFL gave me the body I have now. Without the persistance I learned in the league, I would have never made it in Hollywood. For me all of it led to my ideal future.


If you could choose between a banana and an apple, how many dogs would it take to change a lightbulb?


"Cowabunga" -Michelangelo


You just go from post to post making one liners.  I don't like it.  Put some more thought and consideration into your comments.


*I didn't really want to have sex with the guy, but we were friends and I guess I was already sex-zoned by then.*


i dont think this was needed?


Dad should have asked his son to leave and adopted you.


sore loser americans

so glad their country is almost officially dead!


Brings a new meaning to golden showers.


Wow, so no skill is required anymore. Just floor it like an idiot.


I predict Gaben getting cybernetic enhancements that expand his lifespan so he can keep teasing us for even longer.


Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!


I wanna buy your dad a beer and hear more ways he scarred you.


Lol, zonnegod and me are friends IRL. I gave him that link on forehand to tell him that he doesn't have to worry about since I reposted it from bodybuilding.com.


A heart-warming story of a ship which rises from the ocean floor to defeat its iceberg arch nemesis? I'd watch the hell outta that.


Admit it, your only bisexual because it drives boys crazy.

Edit:Down-voting popular belief. Sheesh. Most girls are "bi" because they want attention and makes their boys happy.


"I don't wanna walk properly in this world anymore!!"


Well then I guess you don't do much thinking then.


Oh, my mistake - I was trying to reach asshole.


Platinum mid + Challenger jungler. Nice comp =))


Oh my god I'm the exact same except mine points to the left.

With our forces combined... We could pee straight


tell the chick to work on her mid section........

looking rather sloppy

inb4 its because you cant have sex with girl like that..
inb4 you're a fat neckbeard living in your moms basement
inb4 inb4

fact is ..she's fat ..not fat fat..but skinny fat..she has a pouch and bubble gut


Men will be asking "why is there a fetus in that urinal."

Edit: Thank you for gold


Yeah OP you need to figure out what you did to make her cheat while you were gone.  I'm sure somehow it's your fault.


and +1 for the guy rocking that asshole one good time before helping the lady.


Strike a nerve there, champ? It's a discussion. When you don't agree, you simply say so. You felt it was relevant enough to come give your opinion, so suck my clit if you don't like mine, but I'm not deleting shit. Hey, at least you aren't sugar coating, though, right?


Think of it this way... She passed away peacefully in her sleep next to her loving husband. I'm still very sorry for your loss.


**I think that dog represents le niggers xD**


This thread got dark really quick.


Maybe this will make you feel better: cats don't actually love you like dogs do, their affectionate gestures are usually done to mark you as property.

edit: Can't believe nobody actually does research on this. I know you're all afraid to realize it because you know that once you find out, the very foundations of Reddit will collapse.


Ha, I actually do live in Chicago.


Correction. He was trying to be funny.


laughing at the mental image of your dad buying a pineapple and can, going to work, carefully de-corking a pineapple, inserting the can, getting some glue, gluing the pineapple back together

and somewhere along the line a coworker goes in and asks: "what're you doing, bob?"
and your dad says "fucking with my kid"
and the coworker says "nice" and walks away


Was a pretty rusty finish from Ozil in my opinion. Still happy for him.


> cheep

cheep cheep.


How was it not obvious to you guys that it was not reversed in the first place? Downvotes for all!! (lacking logic)

In all seriousness, these exercise ball .gifs are getting repetitive, and this is an example of a substandard one. Try find a better one, seriously there are a shit-ton of them. I didn't buy Reddit Gold on this website to see this second rate garbage nearing the front page lol


Yeah, he was so lovably stupid.

Like if Andy Dwyer were into meth.


Fuck that shit. Marine's lives are worth more. War isn't nice.


Bless you.  What a beautiful question.  I would say, just live right! You are your children's role model, so if you live right, they will too.  Live a life you are not ashamed of.  Trust your children and don't EVER lie.


Yea, no one is impressed.


Implying the bears who patronize my business aren't legitimate customers.


Or don't be a thieving cunt.


By the sounds of it, I don't think it was going to get too deep at all.


If local co-op is what truly makes the platform, then it deserves to fail.


Because it's for girls and I'm not a girl.  I'm a 4 year old boy and I do not like Dora Explorer.  See I do not like that thing at all.  That is why I'm not ever, ever, ever, ever having that kind of birthday party.  Thank you.  Goodbye.


No tl;dr

Downvoted

2/10


This I can accept. Mila Kunis is batman.


We should really upvote this one.


He blinks *when you blink.*


Xur never sold Gjallahorn, I'm not sure what you're talking about.


In public he'll be shamed by this, but in secret he'll be relieved you haven't figured out he's secretly Batman.


Fine, on your head be it friend, i resign as head mod.


Identical twin. So going to do this.


He was only trying to feed his family.


I have three sisters. This was my method born of spite.


I used to be deliciously offensive, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


no that was from Zack's tiny wiener.


Have you ever been on a construction site though? It's not like it's constant carrying of heavy stuff.


No, I am confident they still had to pay for it.


Not really. I don't have the numbers, but I'd be willing to bet that large amounts of them never come back.

And given that we only have a sample size of 4, and one is deleted... it probably wouldn't really tell us anything one way or the other.


There's a special place for someone like you and I..and it's called the mall. I'll bring the banana peels, you get the camera.


Yeah. Parents want healthy role models for romantic and family relationships for their children, instead of sexual perverts....imagine that!


You're squirting wrong if it's coming out as snot and coffee


Hopefully something that included making a sandwich.


Ctrl Shift P in Firefox or Ctrl Shift N in Chrome.

P or N.


I've tried to be polite about this in the past, but now I'm starting to get frustrated, so I'll just say it: people need to stop posting source videos. It's rude and against sub rules. I have reported this comment to the mods, and it will be removed soon. (And yes, I did down vote you.)

Edit: Why am I being down voted? Read the sidebar.


Caddy Shack 3, return of the caddies.


It's a ridiculous idea.

Liberals have this pie in the sky belief that internet access leads to a better life for the poor. All it's lead to is more ignorance and envy as low IQ individuals end up thinking everyone but them lives like Hollywood actors.

Just another left wing tax and spend scheme.


Dibs on "Papal Density" for my rap name. I'll team up with another rapper named "Vaticant" and we'll go triple myrrh in no time.


Hard to be quality when you're ripping off something shitty isn't it?


Who's this motherfucker that had space travel back in the 1700's


downvoted for destroying a good team


Plus I've never been stood up by a Netflix date.

Oh God I'm so lonely...


We get it, she is black.  No need to rip on her for it.


I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT ONE


You're useless to society.


hey, i fucked a cucumber too!

another sentence i never thought i'd be writing crossed off the list...


> Just because a website hosts videos does not mean it is the same as youtube. If it did, thousands of porn sites wouldn't exist, netflix wouldn't exist, etc. It would just be youtube.


I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.


Edit: "Well generally hallucinogenic drugs don't carry physical dependence" **That is correct**


I'm starting to feel bad for the guy despite the songs popularity in North America. He comes on the show and it's like, "Show us the dance monkey!" Let him perform or do an interview.


Mostly just whiney females who regret one night stands.

It happens more often than not in the military.

Edit: Just because it's fucked up and you don't agree with it doesn't make it untrue :)


"Because that's where I take the kids of my other family, and I didn't want you two to run into each other."


Why you would think I'd take anything someone with no education like you seriously? Have you read anything that I've posted here? I'd stop bragging about not having any post-secondary if you're going to post dumb shit like that lol.


- Fuck yourself.
- I'm tired from fucking your wife.
- How's your mother?
- Good, she's tired from fucking my father.


I used to not think that there was every any questions about that, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


wtf what kind of person insults a person's laugh? it's a NATURAL sound that comes out when someone's HAPPY. wtf. please keep laughing


you need to be more open minded. What if racism is actually justifiable, but you're world view is so narrow that you just cant accept that? fucking bigot.


Yea, you're kind of a big deal to us now.. I bet you laugh wonderfully


i hate people that do this for double karma. you even took time to format it in a pretty way, how sad.


It's still learning. It's just easier now.


Here's what he said - 'Hey guys! I lost my finger after a bit of play fighting in a pub. I was high as a kite in this pic!'


Go evil. You know 9/11 is going down, im buying stock in lockheed martin and halliburton.


This is relevant to r/gaming because someone stole a phone (with which blackie is taking pictures) at PAX. r/gaming is currently in witch hunt mode.

Yes, I said blackie. Race didn't even cross my mind until I read the top comment for the other thread. Look at you reddit, you're making me racist!


Some vegetarians don't think fish are animals.

Edit: Okay people you don't have to tell me the difference between pescetarian  and vegetarian. I know just leave it be.

Story: I was talking to my "vegetarian" friend who was eating a fish sandwich. I asked, "why are you eating a fish sandwich if you're a vegetarian?" Fish aren't animals." *facepalm *


The subject matter is irrelevant; when proof is requested, the OP needs to provide it or their post may be removed. Read the rules in the sidebar.


no but as long as there isnt any line ups and im not in a party, I can do whatever i want. I have my own room with netflix on tv. I like to veg out all day with my ancient aliens and TedTalks programs. We have catering all day to answer your question.


Hey u faggot gamer fanboys, maybe if u stopped arguing and getting butthurt over some pussy ass rap artist u could get some pussy. U fuckers spend all day bitching about how some irrelevant artist was mean to 1 fan that dissed his boy. u fucking faggots need to go roll around in barbed wire with magic johnson, u would prolly enjoy it. fucking socially inept retards


Being smart will make you lazy. I noticed that most people study hard and developed good learning skills, while I have just showed up and figured things out during the test and do fine. bullshitting your way through things is a good skill, right?


Sucking is your future


Yeah I was just thinking "playful" not crazy...crazy would've been painting that on your walls, not cleaning your tub and writing a post it note to inform you.


Trust me... I'm not a child...

And I'm going to do this every time I go to ikea from now on. :D

Except I'll do 5 of them and mix them under the rest.


I felt bad about myself. Because I needed help but I could not get help from my family or others that were close to me. I only got helped by strangers.


False.  OP just confirmed it below, he tried bringing this in as a new 80 dollar framing hammer.


It's weird someone would just kind of move in little increments like that.

Maybe she was a chess piece.


THE OP HAS DELIVERED!!!


lol your son looks fucking sto0pid


While that may be true, the unintended consequences of this law may result in parents starving their kids on purpose on the days leading up to a weigh in.


Or are a competent rider.


I agree.  ...getting tattooed by Zeus!? Definitely bad ass.


Chill out dude. No need to go cut off your girlfriends clit over such a petty issue. Stop overreacting like a dumb nigger.


Was that really your only option in that situation? Surely a polite "no thanks" would have sufficed


Honestly if she's going to post a picture with her tits hanging out like that, I'm not really sure what you expect.  She could have easily cropped them out.  Sorry, but bitch totally deserves all the skeet shooting her way she's about to get.


> Australian 50c coins have 12 flat sides

It's very early in the morning here. I thought Aussies used D12s for currency for a second.

Excuse me, I need a cup of tea.


I agree with this. The OP is mentally ill. What a great message to send out to the world - that some women love being abused.


Isn't it basically the same as Bejeweled? I've never played.


NSFW motherfucker....


No joke - I met a spanish hippy couple at the beach once with a 1 year old boy called 'areola'
I never questioned them over the name and I've been regretting it ever since.


people's a stretch.

Edit: I'm only talking about the gangster criminal scum ffs; race is irrelevant. They are just a worthless drain on society.


That's the four inches


>Hi "asdf."

makes no god damn sense, so fuck you for promoting it. dick.

EDIT: I was talking about putting the period inside of the quotation marks at the end of the sentence.


This is extremely annoying.  My Mom recently passed away, and I was out of work for about a week.  When I got back to work, the Receptionist greeted me with, "Smile!  Now you have an angel watching over you"!   I almost fucking punched her.


>OP is a ~~headcrab~~ faggot.

FTFY


said every strip club owner ever


Except that Ms Heady isn't actually blonde...


Sovengarde is lucky to have him


Oh fuck I have angered the Neckbeards! "you don't get the meta meta meta meta!!" Why doesn't someone suggest a Sharpie for her pooper?  I guess I do need a better hobby.


My favorite:

>It's a tough position, but a scout is brave.


We misunderstand each other. Please re-read my post for clarity. What I'm saying is that a true 'atheist' shouldn't care about marriage at all because the whole idea of state-sanctioned marriage is a western, Judeo-Christian construct.

That is all. This is not bashing atheism. This is bashing trendy, r/atheism(=hipster agnosticism)


"Hey baby, wanna talk about Christmas? If you know what I mean."


it's a child bro. fly you fools, fly.


CatataBear! My long lost brother! I've finally found you!


yes, funerals are supposed to be a celebration.. but it's weird in this way


“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”

― Bill Gates


Oh you little pokemon fan faggots.


Yes I did, me.

^^^edit: ^^^thanks ^^^for ^^^the ^^^gold!


No replayability in your opinion...


My work ethic has changed completely. I used to be a workaholic, now I only work a few months each year and holiday the rest


it's the germans fault israel even exists, so they can really stuff it.


The thing about The Room is that it unintentionally crosses the line to where it becomes watchable in a bad, funny way.  What a lot of comedy movies can't understand is that the line can't be crossed intentionally--  it has to be a rock hard, honest, total failure in all aspects.


HAHAHAHAHA OMFG dat username

At the risk of sounding tumblr, Dumbledore is my spirit animal.

eta: not actually from tumblr, settle down shitlords.


I was banned from my ex's vagina too.  Sucks cause that is where everyone hangs out.


rofl, no they don't. Women and children cry, fuck that. Not me.


Thank you for your generosity!


My arrows are actually correct. The combat triangle is drawn like a food chain, where the arrows go from weakness to strong.


>I laugh politely, say yeah sure, and blow him off.

I don't think that came across how you meant it.


No.

 It's honestly so ironic that this sort of mob mentality (downvote, downvote, downvote!) would be so prevelant here.

Honestly I would expect you champions of free speech to refuse to use the downvote function which restricts expression.


Anyone else read this is a stereotypical Italian accent?


KW was made by a person of color, who in turn contributed most of the content and asked me to be a moderator. It's not something that I would have felt comfortable creating on my own, mainly for the reasons you specified.


I think we only use 10% of our...*hearts*


And you're the type of person who goes out of their way to be critical of someone else's creative work. Thanks for contributing your opinion, you are entitled to it. Being under critical scrutiny is always fun for me. You seem to be part of an exceptionally vocal minority.


I've never had that problem because my girlfriend's closest friend when we met was fat and hideous


this is my favourite comment on the whole of reddit.


they each had a picture of the other in their respective offices, which is pretty funny


Headline on Reddit during Bush's presidency:

##**HAPPY BIRTHDAY HITLER! YOU'RE LITERALLY LE HITLER!!!1**
____________

EDIT: Search "bush birthday" on Reddit. I fucking lol'd hard.

Also, you're all a bunch of disgusting neckbeards.


I expected this to end with you doing something sexually disgusting with the eggs for some reason.


I quit for 2 years just started 2 months ago, so I guess it comes and goes. Kind of like blow jobs, I might go a year with out giving one, then give 4 in 2 months...yeah doesnt sound like much to you young dating guys...


Business has been quite slow lately.


do people actually still play zombie games/


^ powerless controller dipshit ^


This clip is not from a movie, it's from a live skit! What is wrong with you guys? I feel picked on, is this some conspiracy? Did you guys plan this in some private sub or something?


Looks like a surprised person with a fat chin


So if customers don't meet your standard of "financially conscious" you provide inferior service?


>"Oh Adolf, look, zee dirty jews are having some ridiculous disgusting Kosher BBQ in zer garten."
>
>"WHARRT? Eva, get zee hose pipe"
>
>"Why would you want zat?"
>
>"Have you never heard of ethnic cleansing?"
>
^*sprays* ^*water* ^*onto* ^*Jewish* ^*family* ^*and* ^*food*

    LAUGHTER TRACK


I just call girls with loose vaginas cum sluts. They don't like that.


Well on some level it works because the formula is catchy as hell. It's like candy; it's not really good for you but it taps into some deep-rooted desire. And like candy there's nothing wrong with enjoying it for what it is.


You would have played differently if you had had less health. That's all I'm saying.

edit: Guys, I get that it's a very, very minuscule difference, but it's *still* a difference, and therefore would affect your gameplay in some small way, be it subconscious or otherwise. You cannot argue that 1% health difference means nothing, you can only argue that it means nothing most of the time.


haha, I blame the EMT guys for that. They told me about the film that day, saying it is the most disturbing thing I will ever see.. and to please never watch it. Oops, sorry.


I feel sad as a woman that to have any relevance we have to ape dominant male mannerisms.


Probably the second best casting decision in the MCU next to RDJ. And it was just as crazy sounding when it was announced. But man is he nailing it in these trailers.


No. I forgot all about that.


Someone got laid that night.


I can proudly say that I have stolen every single pillow in morowind.... There shall never be comfort for anyone ever again!!!!!


Note to all Redditards of the Dumbest Generation:

Beck gets his paycheck from the same cartel as does your Lord & Saviour Jon Leibowitz.

You are being played.    Like Stradivari.


The best part about this whole thing is that he was clearly Googling himself, and just happened across an article about cannibalism.


hahahaha bitch got it good


That dude's deadpan game is actually pretty impressive. Almost as impressive as his gay peekaboo game.


Im only rude to people who are bigoted or rude to me. Honestly i did try to be nice to people buy you all would still pile on everything i said and did, frankly you are all a bunch of pathetic mouth breathers.


Stop being rude to waiters.


How? Pretty average goal to me, nice cross though.


Why am I still reading this thread.


MY DADDY SAYD IT FUNNY DAT DA WEDDITORS GET DA SAND IN DER VAGINA SO EASIWY!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That's called *hard* advice.


I know you fucktards are busy talking yourselves into believing that it's not a baby... but it is. Do you think I would love my grandchildren so little that I'd be ok with them being exterminated?


One time I kept asking "am I under arrest?" Expecting eventually I could drive off. The officer eventually said "yes" and I went to jail. What a twist!


still racist... Doesn't make it any better.


I hope it was just a picture of him with stacks of cash, gold bars, and mad hot bitches


~300 up votes. Suck 'my' dick son.


Easy there, Socrates.


jeez...chill out, man.  All that anger isn't good for you.  Just because I think you have a stupid tattoo doesn't mean you should call me names.  It's just stupid, sorry.


Translation: This portly gentlemen is trifling. In the process of losing a few stones, he also lost his wit.


You cant reach a 10 from smoking weed, its not even possible.

Edit: Was simply stating that you needed to eat it to reach a 10. If you disagree you have never gotten to a real 10. Sorry to burst your 17 year old bubble.


It was an interview for Reader's Digest I did as a freshman. The topic was people that are in touch with technology, and since I played Halo and had a laptop and a Sidekick, I was allegedly in touch with technology. The caption under the photo was something like "College freshman Griffin Kiritsy... blah blah" and it went on Reader's Digest online, and subsequently entered into the web forever.


I didn't understand "Oh, bless your heart" and english is my primary language. Being from the northern US we aren't used to such stupid expressions.


9/11 was pretty much the 9/11 of the falafel industry.


> Feminism is bad.

Wow.


"Instructions unclear: stuck in boot"


I had a a bad crash today and if that helmet wouldnt have been there then that would have been my skull


If I ever hear a voice while taking a shit I am bailing immediately.


Jimmies rustled because I called 4chan a shithole? The only fanboys more fanboy than Apple fanboys are 4chan fanboys.  If it's so great then why are you here on Reddit instead of there?


My twin has a better ass. It's one of the ways I can tell them apart.


Thank you for your input. It is highly valuable to me.


I'm a stay-at-home son.


But when 50% of America proclaim Catholicism and promote oppressive organizations and politicians with a religious agenda, some of their posts actually have some legitimacy.


Hitler ordered the Luftwaffe not to bomb Oxford as he intended it to be the capital of his new [empire](http://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/1717202.hitlers_oxford_plans_revealed/)

There you go, your second fact!


Better watch out, /u/FantasyFoody fails at reading the sidebar.


Then he can use the $17,000 to repair the damages he caused to the house!


PM me for it. Set a reminder for yourself. I'll be happy to update on my loving, awesome, fairly perfect, invincible relationship with the most amazing girl on the planet.


**I REALLY LIKE YOUR EXPLANATION! SOMEONE SHOULD GIVE THAT STATUE A ONCE-OVER WITH OXICLEAN!**


i went to school in michigan and there was this huge pond on campus, the geese ran that fucking pond if they didn't want you there they would chase you away from it. if you walked by that pond in peace, it's because the geese let you.


I know, Obama is so tasteless! But it's so hard to get a president impeached.


I swear I saw this once on one of those TBS or TNT airings of Blazing Saddles. The edit changed it from:

Up yours, nigger!

To

Outta my way, nigger!

I laughed for about 20 minutes.


Are you for fucking real? You think stopping the public unions at the troughs of the taxpayers is equivalent to Nazi Germany? No one is *coming* for you dumb ass. Taxpayers are just sick of *paying* for you. You can form all the clubs and unions you want. That is fine but it doesn't mean the gov or anyone has to deal with you.


Girl here. Can confirm. Please moan. Turns us on even more.


But she wasn't being rapey because women are better than men. :)

Edit: Cmon guys, everyone knows that real men aren't victims, get your panties out of a twist.


i guess im the only person whos ever wondered what the fuck an aerosmith was too.


YER, ERP DERDNT SER THERT...


just a fan and invited them to a show and they invited me to be on the show.


If you think that's what the word means, I'm laughing at you, too.


It's called "the angle." Always avoid looking at "the angle."


You didn't just say that...


Droves. *Herds* of lesbians.


You're projecting. It's ok. You can come out.


No, because we are not retarded like you Americans.

'Soccer'


No, he *went* to the game on his bike but had to walk back.


The problem with your arguement is that your a fucking retard :)

virtual hangouts can suck my massive 15 inch cock, fuck you.


We're all gonna make it, brah.


You love me and you know it.


Well on the bright side 95 percent of those faces look normal to me and the users just sound like angry kids so it's nothing to worry about.


What the fuck? Are you retarded or something? I said "He probably doesn't really like playing Durant, though" Anyone could've known that. How does that sound like I know his inner thoughts?


You mean having to get all the bags into the house with one trip?


Yes, but does it bother you that your sexual preferences have been programmed into your brain through decades of advertisements, product placement, and grassroots marketing of behalf of megacorporations so that you and everyone in your sexual group feels compelled to purchase their products and services in order to feel sexy?


Only a pint? What are you, one of those gay European mopeds that  get 56 miles to a gallon?


More like science explains something, and religion doesn't.


Oh fuck I'm retarded


Lol. It's funny to see babies flying. What's wrong with you?


Wow... Viral marketing has gotten really weird


Nobody cares, Apostolate.


wow, this is charming. do you wanna sext sometime?


Which has so much to do with his point. Thanks for commenting.


When he passed us the torch of rock


Just think, if Obama was the commissioner he would take Cups from teams with multiple championships, like Montreal and Detroit, and give them to other teams that didn't have any.

EDIT: Added space.


I don't think I've ever thought they hate me, but I constantly fear that everyone in my life just tolerates me.  When they don't message back and sign off of gchat or don't return my text until later with an excuse for why it took them a day...they just weren't in the mood to humor me with the illusion of us being friends.


Years of salary cap hell and extremely bad management has forced you to do so, it's not by your own choosing. I wouldn't be bragging about cheap signings when it was all you could afford.

Also your QB who is turning 35 this season and has a glass back is $27 million against the cap. Not exactly financial management at it's best.


I don't mind sounding like a whiney asshole by saying that that is a very hateful and demoralizing subreddit.


And I shouldn't cross the street because someone's brakes might fail too?  And I shouldn't ever go without my seatbelt because someone might crash into me?  I think I'll take my chances.  You need to live a little.


you actually could have raised all kinds of hell in McDonalds with that


I used to also daughter is sold for potato too but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Under where?

Hahahaha!  I just said underwear.


Not to spoil your chance to talk about yourself, but this is OP's SOB story, not yours.

Please make your own thread.


Report the owners to animal welfare.


Three cheers for racism!


>The **person** singing it is a **bear**.

wat


I was being flippant, because "who gives a fuck" generally gets people whinging.


This is why he'll never win a championship.


Does it look like I care if you're a lady?
If someone a tad more insensitive than me see that statement and have divorced parents.
That might just be the end of the line for them.
Think 'bout it


You may have helped this girl out, she may devote her life to understanding the universe, or she will become a squirrel.


Can reddit please stop glorifying this rapist?

I understand reddit has such low self esteem they have developed a built up anger towards women, media, and their own country, but that doesn't make this piece of shit a hero.


'not yet', ooh i'm having a terrible day and that made me giggle


motion to ban the word trollface from /r/nba


I'LL TAKE AN EXTRA LARGE HELPING OF AMERICA

thanks


From which sub, for what reason? What are your demands? I want to see a numbered list. Talk with your buddies and get a consensus first. Then your proposal shall be considered.


Does it know where MH370 is?


And this is why people hate you. You think the world revolves around you. You're too stupid to realize this isn't a recipe subreddit but you're self-absorbed enough to think that everyone should cater to you. All you do is bitch.


A cock sock prevents the Dick Doc.


Damn you damn you *damn you* for beating me to this and harvesting the karma. And I get that feeling a lot on Reddit but I seriously had to say it this time, despite the inevitable flood of downvotes.


It really would. He especially hates having to lie still and not being allowed to lick anyone.


As hesitant as I am to admit it on reddit, I am actually a lawyer myself (see: IaMA for details).

...and let me assure you that *"class action lawyers"* are a particular brand of scum, looked down upon even by myself, and just about anybody else in the law profession.


Nobody survives cooties.


No, no intern was involved in making that picture. I already gave the guy shit who did it because of how dumb I thought it was.

edit: downvotes? really? Alright then.

edit 2: thank you, random internet stranger for this reddit gold.


take this upvote as an offering of peace and symbol of friendship


Because $500 is expensive.

EDIT: For a computer, people. Not the monitor. Sheesh, you have to write every detail these days...


*Hehehehehehee.*

Somebody would hear this would probably be laughing, but Joe Montana, *hahaha!*


I seriously doubt that.


10/10 would wtf again.


76% sure this is from a movie, and not toddlers and tiaras


I_will_NOT_murder_you was taken.


Mindblowing until you realise some [crabs can swim](http://imgur.com/gallery/K35vGdt)


It is the dude who was cheating's fuck up because he should have never brought this story up in front of OP, who clearly has Aspergers.


You're lucky that your name wasn't much harder to say than "LGFL5000" or he may have died.


Earlier I showed Adrianna how to use the garbage and she was actually throwing stuff out for me, now she thinks it's a game and i just found her juice cup and a bunch of her books in there lol.

haha!

---------------------------

Now hop on over to **FunnyJunk** and join in all the fun!


Were the candies called War Heads? If so, I totally remember those things being like little pieces of gold back in the day.


come on, i'm trying to start at a clean slate


I would've suggested saying:
"I'm sorry Mr. President, but without more funding, all discoveries will be held in house."


Elia Galera Spanish Actress, downvote this comment if you masturbated after seeing this picture.


I liked to hide in my boyfriend's closet and make that creepy clicking noise to freak him out.  We broke up.


Holy shit can't believe someone beat me to this joke, thought I was so clever and original :(


Oh god, he doesn't know how to use reply.


**BEHOLD REDDIT.  THIS IS THE FATE OF ALL EVIL MEN WHO DENY.  HE TRULY LOOKS LIKE HE'S IN HELL ALREADY!**


He hands the server a hundred dollar bill, which the server pockets.

Lama* says "Hey, where's my change?"

Server says "Change comes from within."

*Edited by popular demand. Apparently llamas can't be religious.


I'm not doing anything other than calling out people that clearly have no idea what they are talking about.


That is not possible. The SAG (Screen Actors Guild) has a requirement upon joining where you must have a unique name and not too similar to anyone else. There is over 200,000 registered members.

Yeah, I know, I'm fun at parties.


'' Women should rule the world '' and glorifying one gender over the other. That doesn't sit right with me. Men need support as much as women do.

But ya'll just want to put her on a pedestal for kissing female ass. Why?!


I don't have RES.

I still highly recommend getting RES.


.. Just to be a fag, but triangles..


I'm no mechanic but last weekend I installed new brake pads on my own after a bit of research on the Internet. It turned out to be incredibly easy and cost me a total of $35.00


Yeah but coke is worse and two wrongs make a right.


Well that's fucking metal.


I don't feel cool, I AM cool


he's not this time. sorry buddy you're stuck with me.


Meh, I would've slashed OP's tires too, NJ Plates? Fuck your car.

Maybe next time OP should live somewhere that isn't a shithole.

Also NJ people please stay out of PA. We don't want your scummy kind here.


After I caught the hint that sex *might* happen, I studied everything I could find about sex. Everything. I completely neglected going to class or studying. I flunked classes and almost got expelled.

I came after a minute and a half.

Edit: We are getting married in October.


Can't you see the cord between it's body and rear legs? The cat... nevermind, apparently this subreddit is full of idiots.

*OMG look at the cute kitty that's meowing while in distress, it's so adorable! UPVOTES!*


Shouldn't have googled Bitch Jenny, bro.


Yeah, it was, it just wasn't the same intensity. It's a scale, not a binary value.


To me, this little confirmation of what a scientist predicted even before the technology existed is simultaneously impressive and humbling. We've come so far in a short amount of time (comparing to the age of the stars), but there is so much more out there that we don't know.


*Has anyone seen my contacts?*

...Sorry.  First thing I thought of.


That is an incredibly lopsided argument, but also terrified me to my very soul. 10/10.


Is it wrong that everyone with half a brain could?


POUTINE TRUMPS FREEDOM


Yeah. They are synonyms for this other thing called "weakness".


I don't know, can you repeat the question?

^^^Please ^^^stop ^^^saying ^^^the ^^^next ^^^line, ^^^I've ^^^had ^^^it ^^^25 ^^^times ^^^now.


Husky has better things to do other than selling out. I prefer if he keeps doing what he's doing, casting games, making songs (ala nerd alert), playing retro PC games are much better than what's recently trending. He's not an artosis, who does sell out and is a total fake. Legit casters gonna legit.


In fairness, the first time I got it, I didn't even know for sure that it was possible on a real console. Couple that with the fact that I thought I had misexecuted part of the glitch earlier. It was very surprising.


which is exactly why it sucked


Your parents suck! You must make sure you spread your awesome genes! (that sounds creepy) I demand humans have more fingers and toes!


Sorry, this is what happens when the country moves away from God. The grace of God is gone to faggot sympathizers and the money was wasted by nigger lovers.


This is clearly to facilitate the triple tap method (wallet, keys, phone).


They aren't boobs. They are globs of fat.


Woo /r/buttsharpies nsfw


There is no life that we could give them which could even minutely compare to life in the vastness of the ocean. Although on the other hand, less chance of getting eaten while in a tank, although not zero chance^if ^you ^know ^what ^I ^mean


"When somebody shows you some photos of their kid, here's something they don't want to hear: 'Oh yeah, I got some pictures of your kid too.'"- Demetri Martin


He's playing the ball and Zlatan was far away, if it's a closer call then we can gladly talk about Oscars involvement - but in this case? Not a chance.


"Oi Pooteen, Whah we gonna dew toonoite? NARF!"
"I just told you, we're going to take over Ukraine!"
"But Pooteen, Oy don't own a crayne!"
^^***FACEPALM***


Too bad a 12 year old wrote it.


So you *fucked the shit* out of her?


I thought reddit generally frowned upon literally wishing death upon players. I guess that's only true when said players don't play for United. Wonder if I'd get upvotes for hoping City players die.

You don't joke about certain things, you fucking cunt.


>Another guy painted an incredible picture of an angel on the wall of his cell, complete with a full scripture verse. With feces.

so much holy shit in this thread


DADDDYYY SAYD THANKS FOR DA UNFUNNY MEMES WEDDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAT DID DA MAN SAYD ABOOT DA GPS DATA????????????? GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!


I open my fucking stupid mouth and put water in it.


A society has a responsibility to look after the weak, and the unable, it is what taxes pay for.


He hasn't responded I think he did died


Sketchy bro. Also, how do I get a fridge in a sedan?

I may check that out, see if someone would be willing to deliver for an extra $50 or something.


Yeah I always found it ridiculous that the teachers never actually verified that the memory was actually cleared. It is very easy to fake.


*All men* in our culture are misogynistic, unless of course they make an effort to remain aware of their privilege and the ways society has conditioned them to adopt patriarchal attitudes and behavior.


I didn't want to take the risk.


nice rick roll.
Edit: Fuck you downvoting 4chan trolls.


Santa Claus watches me masturbate to pictures of him.  He's into it. It's so fucking hot.

Sometimes, when it's been a while since we've had a tryst, I'll play "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" really loud and cut it right after it says, "coming."  Then I hear a boisterous "Ho Ho Ho" echoing down from the North Pole.  It's kind of like our Bat-Signal.


wll, y nvr knw, sh cld b _ mn n rl lf. Wldn't tht jst b _ bg srprs?


It was amazing.  She leaned over to me before the last break and said "do you want to make out during the song".  It took about .2 seconds to say YES!  It was great...I just hope I haven't ruined her for other guys.  ;)


First of all No. Secondly, your argument is invalid if you can't even spell medivac.


You sound frustrated.


This whole subreddit is infuriating and disgusting.


Have you tried turning it off and back on again?


Seriously though, tryna do something for a good cause and all you lot are just producing cancer.. ffs.


To clarify -- the flies were sticking to it.


Yeah, and it would be *cool* if my bitch of an ex-wife didn't screw me over in court and get full custody of my kids. It would be *cool* if I didn't still have $60000 in student loans to pay off. But guess what? Unlike you, I don't just sit on my ass bitching about things that *would be cool*. I set goals and make them happen. You should try it sometime.


That's some freemason shit right there.


It's clear you aren't one


Fuck, you're right! Douchebag gonna douche.


Why can't you?

How is it right or fair to get one of the fittest breeds of dogs out there and sentence it to a life on a lead? Get a goldfish, have you any idea what a huskey was put on this planet to do? People are so selfish


Not with that attitude


Neuer is at his best as well, so I doubt that


IIRC an interviewer once asked Shaq why he agreed to do that movie years later, and his answer was something like "I was a kid from a poor neighborhood and somebody offered me several million to play a genie in a movie. What am I gonna say? No? "


I'm really sorry that you feel this way. Life is an echo, and if you are sending out such thoughts, I don't know what you are getting in return. I don't mean this in a sarcastic way.


Thats a man with dreadlocks haha. Source = I directed this video.


It's a huge myth, the [10] guy was drunk in the original picture, him and his friends have been trying so hard to get him to become a meme (which they kinda did succeed doing) but the whole "look who I ran into" is getting old now, they should just come clean, allow that they have been caught out and move on...

the guy doesn't even smoke weed ffs


Are we human or are we dancer?