I must be the only uncircumcised guy who has never done this or heard about it until now, I'm going to do it now!

EDIT: Oh my god, this is one of man's greatest achievements. I've never done something more satisfying than that, and the explosion of pee that came out at the end was brilliant.

10/10, would piss again.


Until some totalitarian dictator puts on the jackboots and then you crawl to us mewling and begging like a continent full of whipped dogs.


I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 4 in the movie theater and some people gave it a standing ovation.  My head wanted to explode.  **MORONS, YOUR BUS IS LEAVING**


What, do you want a death certificate or something?


Funny, that's what she was thinking!


Tl;dr misogyny > self-righteousness


Why would you lodge there?


Are you retarded? 4mil a year for 2 years is 8 mil.

Without incentives it is 2 mil/year.

How do you have so many upvotes?


or fuck her again and then worry later.


Look, I know how it sounds, but it's true. The concepts I accept as true are the ones based on empirical evidence and logical reasoning. I am *probably* correct. My "beliefs" are objectively more worthy of respect than those based on ancient fairy tales and wish-it-were-so, magical thinking.

If you're still laughing, see a therapist.


He convinced the judge that he did not intend to kill her, and was trying to disfigure her so that the man she was seeing would not want her, and cause a scar that could not be hidden.

Of course it's stupid bullshit.

I believe he also got some leniency because he had a drink problem. Which is of course also some stupid bullshit.


Damn. Came here to say that.


I honestly thought it was about her ass for some reason...


Apparently even joking about androids and iphones just being phones cannot pass, ouch my feelings have been hurt.


At every picture I made the sound the garbage truck makes when it stops.


Are liberals serious with this?

Does it matter the political beliefs of a band?

Is that how you make political decisions?


This works with gangsters too.  If an alpha dawg is mad at another dawg, and that other dawg stares back at the alpha dawg, that's taken as a challenge.


> THIS IS FINE! WE HAVE EXPLICIT CONSENT

Past consent is not future consent. And that is certainly not affirmative consent.


Shit I felt bad just reading the comments during the Charlie Hebdo tragedy. People were getting hundreds of upvotes for talking about Muslims the way Hitler talked about Jews. It was fucked up.


Technically, you grow marijuana...


They do, just not everywhere.

Source: I weigh 300 lbs.


I like how when a right-winger is unfaithful to his wife it completely discredits him but you Redditdouches get soaking wet over anything related to Bill Clinton.


According the the Internet, there are loads of people in discussion forums worse than Hitler.


I disagree.  The backhanded racism of the Fempire makes me sick.  At least the Chimpire is honest about being shitty.


And he sticks the landing!

Edit: I didn't even realize I made a pun. I've been on reddit for too long.


which is bullshit because that's not the effect of a real explosion

edit:  you guys are angry


Don't forget how much all those Facebook Likes help.


Straw men are fun. - some idiot, 2012


http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1rbskp/nsfw_what_is_something_that_turns_you_on_but_dont/cdlqm2b

EDIT: Uh huh, sure thing buddy. I bet you weren't going to source it unless someone else called you out.


K, time to kill the joke and tell you it goes bleh for everyone (that's what makes the gif relevant), they are just screwing with you.

Edit: wow that got downvoted fast! =P

Edit 2: in an attempt to rescue this post, Ron Paul 2012


I SAID THOSE JEANS ARE ONLY $69.50.


There isn't a *problem* with it at all, legally - it's just somewhat hypocritical of Notch to have lawyers who deal with issues in that style, especially after his whole "HAHAHA BETHESDA WHY YOU LAWSUIT WE PLAY QUAKE INSTEAD HAHAHA IM SO INDIE" bullshit.


I plan on donating a lot of it. I will never let my kids have any of my money. As the great poet lariat Jay-Z once said, it took me 26 years to find my path, my only job is to cut the time in half.


Of course I did, but I don't see any harm in using a silly joke to teach someone proper terminology. Since when is spreading knowledge a downvotable offence?


Huh, TIL they killed off Sweets. Haven't watched Bones in years


What's relatable about constantly rolling out of the ring to avoid fighting, or interrupting trainers treating your opponent? Hell, go back all the way to his backstabbing of Sami. What's relatable to attacking your friend, who is tired as hell, and couldnt even see you coming?

Edit - Boy oh boy I enjoy getting downvoted, and people not actually responding to my criticisms.


Wow, it took me fucking forever to realize these were powerpoint puns and not really weird sex puns.


Yea, we all know how to read


I'm pretty sure if anyone stops eating they die.


And those other drugs tend to be expensive and typically consumed by affluent, white people. Exactly the types unlikely to apply for welfare.


The Who isn't that big anymore.


You support terrorism and you should feel ashamed.


Ooompa Loompa Doopity Dap


Yes I can.  She is a shitty mom for sitting on her kid while she is on the phone.  If she was interacting with her child, talking to her, or pointing things out, then I'd be thinking that perhaps this is something the child likes.  But, you can tell that she is just using the kid as a chair.  It's not like she was facing the kid and quick grabbed a call.  She is worthy of my hate and disgust.


Don't delete this.  Be proud.  Upvote for the least expected trivia of my fucking month. EDIT:  I tried it.  It works.  Fuck all y'all I'm muslim now peace.


you must be really bored with your work life and life in general to watch wrestling full time. lol


As if millions of (potential) voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly swallowed.


> lol

beeeeeeep beeeeep[.](/user/overused-meme-alert "Severity level 2/5")


Wow, that is fucked up.


I'm not Jeff... I don't even know a Jeff... can I join your club?


The saddest endings are the best.


If you or anyone you know have ever cared about any dying child, or thought that you might some day; please, upvote this comment.

Edit - TIL reddit loves Nickelback.


Nice, an answer that was not made by a twelve year old.

**EDIT:** It was pointed out to me, that instead of just complaining, I should also contribute. So here is my suggestion : *Skyreach*.


You've finally said something right. You are not the gatekeeper, nor do you define what it is to be a nerd. So fuck off you has-been hack


I could be so much more than I will be.


I think you mean **kilometers**. Karl is British. You realize MURICAH is the only country that doesn't use metric, right? Typical fucking 'Murican.


THEY'RE THE BEST DAMN DRILLERS ON THE PLANET!


I don't give a fuck if it's "cool", it's true. If it makes me seem like a redneck loser to point out simple fact, then fine by me.


It really bring out the kid in you.


>SOURCE: was a chemical engineer for 40 years in the late 90s.

40 years. In the 90s. But the 90s are only 10 years long.


I live in a cul-de-sac and this lives on, during the summer there are usually 5-10 kids running around and drawing on the street in chalk, just have to move to a nice boring neighborhood.


/b/ **could** do anything. Now, it's shit.


We don't like it any more than you do.


I don't understand how you think making 'funny jokes' about this racist bullshit is remotely acceptable. The fact that you think it's alright to say this kind of stuff, in jest, shows that you are bigoted.


upvotes because fuck you sarah.


I'm wrong about him abusing rioters for attention? Bitch, please. TSM ELIMINATED!


UK does it too "you alright?" Threw me off the first few times because I thought I looked like something was wrong


How exactly did you folks at OWS change the world?  Rich people still make a lot of money.


As much as I enjoy other people, they're terribly distracting.


Is this still funny for you guys?

**EDIT** geraffes are dumb


Until some pervert starts taking pictures and posting them on the internet.


dude i saw it on stumbleupon not reddt


No, feeling sympathy for Liverpool fans.


Considering 14 year olds run this site now I wouldn't be too surprised if they haven't seen it.


You are so right, CuntyMcGiggles


Then this will get downvoted!


> And just cherish the horrified look on their face **forever by taking a picture of them with their new camera**


Cats don't care if there is shit in a room.


What if they've fisted themselves without washing afterwards?


Does it really matter?  Is there any particular substance that would give her mother a viable excuse for her actions?


Rather than banning smoking all together, why not just allow the villain to smoke? That ties a bad habit with a bad guy, keeping is socially unacceptable.


Gross. I'm sorry, reddit, but these disgusting pleasures of yours NEED TO STOP.

* Pooping is not a pleasure. JESUS is a pleasure

* Weed is not a pleasure. CHURCH is a pleasure.

Please get your facts straight before posting. Downvoted. :)


He decided to change careers about 2/3rd of the way through the race.


SRD_Invader? No. It's not a bot, for one thing, and I don't write bots [that get upvoted by SRD](http://www.reddit.com/r/programming/comments/z9xfb/why_programs_must_not_limit_the_freedom_to_run/c634wbf?context=1).


"Robert, let us go!"

"I TOLD YOU TO CALL ME TONY!!"


Sorry but are you being sarcastic? The top right is Matt Smith, current Doctor.


It's assumed the man is black.

EDIT: for everyone with their panties in a bunch, yes I was just kidding! When I read this joke the first time I thought of a white guy going into welfare office... as Mi5anthr0pe said, why would a black man be asking for a job? buwahahaha!


Making your subreddit just another crybaby, hyper-opinionated SRS variation - only with a different agenda.


Unless your dog's name is Colby.


im sorry, but i dont take reddit seriously. i just needed a good title that would get some views ;)


Confucius say *lady who spread legs in bathroom for strangers, not usually disturbed by much*


WAKE UP EZREAL

^^^^^^/r/leagueoflegends ^^^^^^coming ^^^^^^through


also don't use a jackhammer on your girlfriend it's probably not safe


If lebron was able to drop 60 without hesitation he would have a winning record in the finals


restraint - he was being magnanimous.  as a broadcaster against reglar folk, he could have stomped her into the ground and **HUMILIATED** her on national television.

but that's just mean and bullying.  actually, i have tremendous respect for him in that he played that just about right.  he didn't abuse his power.


upvote for making me laugh out loud.

Edit: Fuck you reddiquette downvoters. In the ass, with a stick. Bring on your downvotes, me and ma seen worse than this.


Looks ticket holder in the face, slowly tears up ass.


I used to take upvotes, but then I took an arrow 2 tha knee!


Not sure if anyone noticed, but you were kinda being a Pineapple there...


No, we should assume that statistical data may not be the entire picture of a situation.


If you share needles you can get cooties.


I love how someone else posts a link to google maps showing where this is in Geneva and how s/he is wrong.  ;-)

http://maps.google.com/maps?q=geneva+switzerland&ll=46.200983,6.122187&spn=0.004045,0.005451&hnear=Geneva,+Canton+of+Geneva,+Switzerland&gl=us&t=h&deg=90&z=19


Adam: This brain is great, but it's developed terrible memory leaks and is running with a lot of errors.

God: Have you tried turning it off and on again?


anyone with no life can easily do it


Yeah that's more a fault of the voting system being a first past the post and electoral college. Please don't think most Americans lie on either of those extremes.


Came here to say this. Have an upvote :)

I wish I could upvote you more.

Edit: Why am I getting downvotted?


There's something about the way you type that has me imagining you as being off the fucking rails


i can't wait until I'm at 632 :)


welcome home brother


Are you 12 have you not covered world war 2????


Everyone knows whores only steal lemons, due a need for higher citric acid to neutralize their natural basic composition. Did you not take chemistry????


Comment that continues said agreement, but is mysteriously downvoted goes here.


She's a pool shark. Acting all incompetent and then BAM! It was all a façade.


And HOW am I supposed to know that before clicking it? Do the math!


he brings something else straight to her mouth


>When we broke up, he headed down a bad path.

So, you probably killed him by breaking up with him. Congratulations, you have his blood on your hands.


HAHAHAHA clown move of 2015 for sure

not sure why I got gilded, but thank you


Except for the fact that there's no wall and you can keep swimming. So 99% true.


No way you could wack it without shaking the chair, rhythmically.. Unless you fondled your self off. the ability to get off with out stoking it. That takes a while to master.


Definitely man. Everything is a conspiracy.


I saw a guy on America's Got Talent getting hit in the nuts. He almost won. When he WINS, we are there.


Obviously he did, he did not entertain me! Why would i even bother with supporting a tournament (and via the tournament, it's top placing teams, and Secret is obviously one of those) that does not even bother to provide the entertainment!


i would, but i lost it! if only there was a way to find it fast and efficiently...


Well I think he and I are definitely above you.


Stockholm, the character in the picture, is a guard on top of a building. You can't get up to him without cheating.


All cops are bad because they are defending a broken system against the oppressed, however that doesn't mean we celebrate their death, or wish for it.


**TL;DR**: TheUltimateDouche had to reject some girl on OkC. My life is complete.


nope!

just chuck testa ;)


The secret ingredient is salt


This subreddit downvotes everything.


I'm 98% sure that those are just dead baby jokes rebranded to make them PG instead of R.


You're no better. You've responded to childish namecalling with... fancy namecalling. here's a pretty picture that I hope you enjoy: http://www.secretdakotaring.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/63tiger_hug.jpg


I think his bed can confirm that.


Atheist community? You must mean [atheistkult.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hegXAo8IdUs)


I guess they get fewer ads too


Were you dropped often as a kid?


>Most troubling of all is Breivik's obsession with the multiplayer role-playing World of Warcraft

Yeah, it's no biggie that he shot 77 kids.


I do that in soloqueue and people get pissed of really bad. Prove me that you can actually use a sniper with the scout and then I'll drop you a real AWP, kid.


And you didn't...report this.

Think of all the baby bunny rabbits you killed with that acid.  It's dripping down into their warrens.  I hope you're proud.


i was complementing the guy so you can fuck off


Really thought you were gonna say Paula deen happened to be behind you at the store.


I get more SWEET SWEET karma from my fans every two DAYS than you've gotten since you showed up here, bitch.

U jelly?


This is my exact situation


it was a honest question, didn't mean to offend


Beastiity, necrophilia and incest all in one joke, stay classy!


At the time I posted it, I saw it in the video then put the picture up. Someone else then said it was in one of the top comments already. Then i checked. So yes I had seen it but after I submitted.


I before E except after C, and when sounding like A as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends, and holidays, and all throughout May. And you'll always be wrong no matter what you say!!


Aaaaand here comes the downvotes. :o


And that wraps up this thread. Everyone can go home now.


wow ur fat face takes up like 70% of the screen i had to resize the window


You're supposed to say. "I lurned without fancy gadgets and did fine!"

This is not how we jerk.


Butt out of here please, this a pun thread.


In that case he's a fucking moron


You are not adding to the discussion.

Edit: A novelty account is no excuse for cutting into a serious conversation with some stupid bullshit.


More like

”Damn it Katie, you keep kneeing my balls when you sleep, I'mma have to start wearing a cup. P.S. your boobs look huge. Me gusta”


Can you tell me why he needs a medal for defending his four year old?


So, my girlfriend in high school had that rule and she would get on the phone, call moviefone and wait until I called so we wouldn't wake up her parents. We thought we were so smooth.


if youre going to any restaurant and the plates are <$20, they pretty much *are* TV dinners

bonus points for chilli's and the like, where a tv dinner would be better


Roses are red

Violets are blue

I can't get as big

As you want me to


In Florida, if you want to pass someone it's common to use the right lane. The attitude here is if you want I get past me then you know how. This is assuming that not all the lanes are blocked by adjacent vehicles.


What kind of sick people would ask a kid to square dance infront of the entire school?


I'm just so sick of the nerd-s**t on this subreddit.  Post something from a real game like madden or fifa.


nice....What you planning on doing with the savings?


this is a different conversation. take it elsewhere please.


If I saw you doing that in public I would assume that you're mentally retarded.


No, we don't. We're fiercely against censorship here and that includes self-censorship god damnit.


And then there's color guard


This is beautiful, simply beautiful.


Dropping a log, if you say.


My thoughts exactly.


Was the store owner Indian? (dot, not feather)


If I had a lesbian daughter I would talk about sexing womens with her too.


Oh, my ovaries. *swoon*


You're a shitty person.


In a weird way, yes. I play with my boyfriend's hair all the time.


You reposted something you saw someone else post yesterday, but pretended you were bringing back an old video from way back for people to see again.


What the bottle giveth, the bottle taketh away


What cancer is Ferrell raising money for?  I didn't hear that.  All I seemed to hear was cancer in general which is obviously stupid and makes no sense.


She thought he *had* a huge dick. Turns out he *was* a huge dick


It doesn't change the nature of what she did, but the guy was pretty stupid to go to his EX GIRLFRIEND of all dentists when he had a toothache.


I feel for you. Joking around and not intending to cause harm, and then causing harm, is probably one of the worst feelings.

Did you take it home and eat it?


Which 'cons' for stoners are there?

edit: Thanks for getting downvoted for asking for medical advice


Slap some flame decals on her and she'll be good to go.


too high... didn read

/r/trees


It's actually a good thing that he excepted blowjobs from strangers and didn't accept blowjobs from strangers.


As an Xperia Z user it took me a while to realize why that would be a problem.


It's like Harry Potter but with minorities.


Do you think V for Vendetta cared about downvotes?! Wear the Guy Fawkes mask proudly and don't concern yourself with internet points, you stand for something much greater.


WHY THE FUCK WERE YOU AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO NOTICE THIS?!


op will surely [deliver](http://i.imgur.com/Mwy8k.jpg)


School of Rock 4: Off Their Rockers


Nice try, Ben Roethlisberger.


As a Canadian, we're sorry.


I can not say that when everyone reads the pendent, that they will read it the same way that I did. However, when I saw it and read it, that is what I thought.


No, no. That was the 178 year old pub.  This one's 190 years old.


The intent was humor, so I appreciate it!


But what are they 'mining'?


his sister probably died of aids from fucking a nigger

lesson learned the hard way


No, it's actually JizzCorp.


I'm dead ass. That dude's fucking retarded if a simple observation can blow his mind.


I am nothing if not a man of my word.

Either that or a tool who is so desperate for attention he pays some random guy from the internet ten dollars on a bet that is unprovable.

I Post, You Decide


And all I'm saying is 1. Apparently this guy in infallible on reddit and 2.  Its not just him that does this but it's the whole general public.  Fuck, they even use the whole "Vermont doesn't have basic technology" thing in a Seinfeld episode.  Sorry to interrupt the Louis CK sermon, I believe it's almost communion time, hivemind.


orangina sounds like a strange STD for women.


I was about to explain to you that I threw that in there for comic relief but then I decided to suggest that you to get a psychiatric evaluation because you probably have some form of high-functioning autism.


I'll save everyone else the trip to Google and let you all know that BART stands for Bay Area Rapid Transit.


it just comes off as "overthrow ALL men and replace them with women".


Yeah seriously. Like when I walk outside and look at all the people walking around, it's sort of weird to know that some of them act like this, that some of them have just completely twisted mindsets yet they walk and breathe among us. Anyone you see walking down the street could be racist, sexist, or any sort of depraved freak, yet from the small talk they engage in they seem normal.


This is fucking retarded. It's worse than those ones actually made by 4 year olds posted recently. And to answer your question, try harder mate.


Where did Hitler keep his armies?

Poland.


Is that called for? No.

Is that reason to arrest people, beat them up, and threaten them? No.


They weren't children's stories, some were pretty philosophical. And yeah they just called up and said, "got a new story for you guys." But if a call came in one of us would have to take it, if more came in we would tell the story teller to call back at a later time. Never any hard feelings, they knew we had callers to talk to.


I upvoted you cause I agree. I hate when people give credit to god for "helping
 them survive shit *he let happen.*


I live in a fraternity and we through a bachelor party for one our brothers and got two strippers.

They proceeded to fold a dollar (hotdog length) and placed it on my nose as I lay down.

She then stand over my face, does a couple stripper pump fakes, and does the splits right onto my nose, plucking it up with her vaginal mucus.

She has also done this with a quarter.


Listen, you need to shut up.  Reddit wasn't created for you.  Reddit doesn't care about you.  You are one of millions.  If you have seen this already that doesn't imply everyone else has.  Get out of here with your hipster elitist attitude; you're bringing down the quality of this site.


My car can't travel into the future, so I guess that will be the one that got away.


Let's look at what this nigger has done so far:

* Promised to close Guantanamo, but instead extended its capacity

* Murdered many American citizens without trial by drone attacks, for example al-Awlaki

* Panders to Muslims

* Militarily supported Islamists in Libya

No wonder Republicans hate him.


Looks like it has already been done and linked to [this](http://www.capitalnewyork.com/article/city-hall/2015/03/8563947/edits-wikipedia-pages-bell-garner-diallo-traced-1-police-plaza) article.


The infanticide here is much darker and more psychologically sinister.


I like how you say "it has been confirmed," as though somehow there's any possibility that you weren't the one who went out of your way to confirm it. Hooray, passive voice!


1. Turn on penis.

ROFL....

**#YOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


Love this game. Also, the you can kiss me everywhere but my mouth and whoever breaks the rule first loses game. It drives me crazzzyyy when my partner kisses me all over so passionately but won't give me kisses on the mouth. I always lose and end up begging for mouth kisses even though it was my own evil idea in the first place. :P


3 GRAND?!  On a cat?!  A dog I could understand...but A CAT?!?


When I was 16 it took about 20 minutes to get to the record shop in the mall to buy an album. The mall, coincidently, was the biggest social network around.


hi can you please ban the shitfucks from SRS that are shitting up this subreddit


I first saw the "Help! I'm 12 and want to get preggo.....

but my bf wants to get ragu" one on Yahoo answers.


How can he not be a virgin? There is a minimum level of penetration required before you're offically a man.

Edit : Oh downvote away, I guess I lost it when I first fingered a girl then. Cause my finger is a lot bigger than that stump.


I know right seriously who the fuck doesn't look


DA ANDERSON COOPAR SAYD DAT DA FETISH OF DA WEDDITORS IS TO TOUCH DA BABBYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAGA LE GOO GA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


How thin are your walls?


With regards to suicide - ask any emergency or psychiatric registrar: access to a gun makes suicide easier and is a risk factor for successful suicide.

With regards to different opinions - I heard your opinion, wide-eyed, salivating, gun-stroking America, and I am giving you mine:

**GROW THE FUCK UP.**


As someone who's about to graduate college with a Ph.D in Sociology, I can definitely say that children raised by homosexual parents are more likely to develop debilitating psychological problems compared to those raised by a traditional (and correct) heterosexual household.


After working retail and food from high school through undergrad, I now **really** enjoy defending employees who are getting yelled at for silly reasons.


Oh yes, logic, reasoning, and respect are all red pill tenets.  So is wondering why someone would self-shame with consecutive comments but I forgot TBP is a troll group and didn't catch the sub in time before commenting.  Unsubscribe, have a nice day.


According to the chart of feminist reactions, this incident falls under "puerile masochistic fantasy".


Wow sounds like a bitch. Time of the month maybe?


I don't have this problem


Oh dude, I understand that you think you are justified to feel this way.

Doesn't mean you aren't an asshole. Baby sitters cost money you entitled ... I dunno something.


It worked, so I bet he didn't carrot all how it looked to anyone.


inquisitr.com
trueslant.com


The bar tab for about 40 of us was over 5k, and then I slept with the CFO's 23 year old secretary.

I think he was just jealous. Also it didn't help i rolled into work the next day an hour late  with sunglasses on still drunk and giggling.


Or with a mouse up his ass and a child's penis in his mouth. I liked his books too as a kid, but lets not pretend this man wasn't a pedophile with a typewriter.


And a pretty bad one at that. He hit a building on his first flight!

*ducks*

Edit: thanks guys, my most upvoted comment ever is now a tasteless joke


I can do more than just downvote. I get free speech, too.


How can he be a pedo if he's waiting for her to be of age?


That pissed me off.  Don't waste my time dude.


No I didn't. I told them to stop acting like virgins, and act like adults that have "gotten some" before. Everytime I see a post about blowjobs or sex everyone is acting like they are 12yo and just watch a porn for the first time.


Wait,  people say may-may?


Yet another reason why I prefer PC games: The community.


she's really not even unattractive.


all passwords require at least one number at the end of them these days.  like for example adding "1" to the end of your password.................oh shit, be right back........


Can you throw them over your shoulder like a regimental* soldier?

EDIT: TIL it wasn't continental soldier


You do know that the Syrian army killed 100x more people than isis, Right ?


With a username like that I prob would have skipped a comment on this one.


I didnt really get that line.

Did he mean his gangbanging imposed a stereotype on black people, and thats what Trayvon got shot for? So essentially it was Kendrick who placed the stereotype and got him killed?


One day you should text your friend and tell him that he left his phone at your house (when he has his phone). See if he comes over to get it.


Nope. I feel that calling others 'abnormal' is problematic, because the word itself has negative connotations regardless of the intent behind it. It's an insensitive way to refer to others.


>>I explained to him ***I am familiar with a phillips head screwdriver***

That should be a Tshirt...


In TN (where I live), allowing a pet to die or purposefully ending its life without the assistance or approval of a vet is punishable by up to a year in jail as a felony.

Also, while the meat industry isn't inherently abusive. Most animals in it are abused. That's pretty common knowledge.

EDIT: Woo Hoo! Downvotes for facts!


I can tell you know what you're talking about because you used the little-known technical term "bouncy board".


actually, yes. It will. It's a rare disorder. It is very embarrassing really.


answer like a sir.. and well done.


Seriously, we're so far ahead, it's not even a contest anymore.


i know its hard to believe, but you could pick the fucking things up by yourself and throw them away.


Going to the bathroom will be a noble goal when you're your dad's age.


You must be real proud..


When I'm really at an impasse, I'll stop & say to myself: "Come on you Jerk, it's just words on paper."


Yeah I don't get it either it doesn't seem like bragging or having any heavy thesaurus use.

Edit: I don't get it. I am agreeing with the person above me. I am saying that it's not something impressive - he isn't bragging, he is just telling people what he did that day. Even if it was bragging, it's not like there was any heavy thesaurus or fake intellect.


Every time I see my little envelope light up I can't help but think "who did I piss of this time".  Such anxiety.


well, you are not :P think about commiting suicide now


Congratulations, you just invented the pizza.


One takes talent. The other does not.

EDIT: Gotta love the reddit hivemind.


Probably something [like this.](http://i.imgur.com/GzrxVXi.jpg)


i guess when you're as bad of a poster as you are it must be really fun to feel superior just by being in a place where you don't get banned for being a bad poster, including being an antisemitic piece of shit

so have fun i guess, its fun watching you revel in how terrible of a person you are as long as it stays out of my subreddits vOv


No, shes just an alcoholic.


Ah, I see, you're just on here for the sake of arguing, continue being an idiot. :)


Baal Runs [1-100] Lets go!


yeah yeah a book wouldn't tell me about noodle legs. spill the beans already.
is she faking so you guys can loot free shit and you can grow self-pride?


Ok, I probably should have not laughed as much as I did. You would have been fun to have around.


5'10 is usually a huge deal breaker, doesn't matter what he looks like


I'm pretty sure it was over ten years ago that my friend 'came out' to me as a dragon. I had literally no idea what to say. He asked me if I might be a dragon too. I said 'no'.

I think he just really liked dragons. He wasn't very dragony.

edit: TIL that a lot of people have had friends reveal themselves to be dragons.


How can you say this looks realistic? It is too shiny, the shadows are too direct and the textures look like they are just pasted on without any thought.

"Realistic" means that if you have one picture and another that is a 3D render of the same object, you shouldn't be able to say which one is the real one.


Maybe for you it is.


because I called someone a dumb ass for taking a pic of a windowed pic?  I think he's an idiot but that's the limit of it, I was just entertained by him saying such lovely bits as "why would I want to use my whole screen"


If you're gonna incorporate something into your body for the rest of your life, I don't think you would be able to be too paranoid.


what's your problem??


And look, You're nice and all, but I know your name isn't Dan.


If we define 'well' as Stephen Fry getting the media attention he so sorely craves, then yes it will end very well.


Honest to god I read that as "older brother"


You're probably getting downvoted because of your whining edit.


...ON EACH OTHER'S FACE


Because JP Morgan and Credit Suisse are tech guys and teachers?


This novelty account is fucking idiotic.


what are you even talking about? What I said was accurate. Fucking imbecile.


Play up to him.

Pretend it's going well.

Give him the green lights.

Go to put on a little mood music.

Instead play the tape of him saying he's gonna bang you.

Send the video of it to the radio station, youtube and whoever ...

Come back here to post a followup.

Enjoy a landslide of karma.


A bit too try hard. The amount of testosterone/anabolic steroids ingested for genetic females to look like that cannot be healthy. Plus it seems that their paragon of maleness is the hyper masculine kind, which ironically makes them look like gay men, which they might be anyway...


Lee Cheng don't take shit from nobody, and doesn't hold back for anybody.


And you're either (a) not male or (b) chemically castrated. Or perhaps new to Reddit.


More like oblivious gamer haha.


Self-posts don't give karma.


Sleep dating...it's more common than you think.


Why? The karma does not diminish your points in any way.


the 5th one tends to disagree


You sound like a pretty shitty and unpleasant employee.

So what if she wants to buy and try 5 frappuccinos, your job is to take her order, who gives a shit what she does?


At my store we did the fresh orange juice all fresh, but it took a ton of oranges just to make one cup and it was getting expensive so they stopped selling it altogether.


BULLSHIT ! You know nothing about russia.. have you been there? How do you know?


I know you're an Arsenal fan so it's easy to assume you're trying to wind other Chelsea fans up in saying this, but having watched the entire 120 minutes tonight your comment has only just made me realise how anonymous Fabregas was.


Wasn't really that either. :/


I'm sorry. I must have wandered into r/butthurtmenopausalwomen by accident. My bad, I'll pay more attention next time.


Best Answer, Thread Over


Pfft, I always beat the game without dying.

My wife says I'm OCD about video games.

Edit: what happened? Seriously though, does no one else always try to beat Ocarina of Time without dying?


Never stop being YOU. I am out to be the best ME I can be. Do what you LOVE and you will be badass.


dogs wouldn't call their owners "human". they would call the owners "master"

you dog lovers are trying to make dogs funny  like cats so you're borrowing the joke from cats, like how cats call their owners human, but let's get real. dogs are pathetic insecure doormats desperate for attention 24/7.


You got an upvote from me specifically for 1) calling out Dale's stupidly-written death and 2) suggesting that zombies Apparate.


lol the normals still dont have any idea how 4chan works lol


1) When you're raised with rules, all you wanna do is push at them to see how far you can go. Without Catholicism, I don't know that I would've had much to say: that judgey little church filled my youngling head with so many weird, wonderful notions, it became hard NOT to write humorously about it.

2) None. Jeff Anderson is - and will always be - the only Randal for me.


**And he got me a guitar for Christmas.**


Didn't she also not get along with Will in real life?


Fuck man, control your woman.


I honestly can't think of a single person that I genuinely enjoy being around. There are moments, sure, but I'm faking it most of the time. I feel cold and heartless when I think about it, but I really don't like people. At all. And yet I'm lonely. Scumbag brain, dammit.


If that's true then it seems like you already consider your costume a success. So, why ask reddit "How'd I do?"


I have a bicornate uterus (but one cervix and one vagina), and was pregnant with twins, one in each "horn".  They were born at 36 weeks, one acted full term, the other was preemie (NICU, breathing treatments etc).  We are pretty sure that I got pregnant twice, about 2 weeks apart...


Yeah, I've already started using it to describe how it felt in Charlotte when we drafted MKG.


He never claimed to be a 4 man premade, he simply stated he has 4 friends that like to go down on each other when the interwebs dies.

Edit: holy shit thanks for the gold Mr Anonymous redditor


He was doing a fine job of looking creepy by himself.


Come on. Horde obviously. :)


What low fucking standards you people have. It's just an obnoxiously loud kid laughing at his own attempts at making jokes while creating a vaguely amusing face in FIFA 12.

People who find videos like this and the laddergoat one have some serious brain damage going on...


Stabstinence-only education!


You're right; it's really extortion.

Unless you can explain how forcefully detaining non-violent tax evaders constitutes a non-coercive action?


It must be some realization to find out your father is NiggBot_3000.


i was too busy running around awping people in dm to worry about that, didnt start ranked till i had 10000 dm awp kills >.>


Cone of Duty: Modern Wafer?


You have failed.  There are no such bananas in Super Smash Bros.  Come back, 1 year!


You obviously haven't had these before. I'll rail against obesity for days, but slather those things in some chili and cheese? Hot damn.


jk i made it up

that would be fun, though

>__________________________>


The original wording is even funnier

"Who *didn't* let the gorilla into the ballet?"

http://vimeo.com/45881283


That is Bolvar actually, but ty lol


I do the same thing! Except usually you're asleep first.


Suffering fools just wastes time.


Seriously. She turned the plane around because the nuts were not given to her in a bowl, and even fired the stewardess, all while throwing a temper tantrum on the flight and making every paying passenger uncomfortable.

You need to be crazy entitled/spoiled along with a true belief in your superiority to act that sort of nuts.


Yes, that's exactly why it's embarrassing.


Motto: "At least we're not 4chan."


Use /r/d0x for posting personal information. Fucking sick of admin and mods being so whiny over people having a little fun. This is the Internet, no point trying to prevent it. Snivian_moon should be removed as a mod.

EDIT: Wow, lot of downvotes there. I guess and internet vigilantism is no longer the way of reddit. Quite sad. Where do I go for old reddit?


Strangely, I'm okay with that


You misinterpret my comment.


Honestly the cameraman deserves a medal, this is exactly how you film a girl fight.  Less on the fighting, more on the ass.


did you read 1984 last week or something? :)


Sigh this is the same logic that keeps me from asking girls out.


I used to think that this macro lacks the comedic timing of what made the original such a funny joke, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


> slut for liking another guys Facebook picture.

There we go. We have reached the moment that the word slut has absolutely no meaning whatsoever.

I think it's a good development. I was a slut at least 10 times today.


I'm happy to leave my intelligence out of the conversation if people stop bringing it up. Notice, someone *else* said there were others in the thread as intelligent as me. And I responded, and even said right there - *in your quote!* - that I was tired of doing so.


Of all the stories on here, this one made me the saddest. the thought of you being so excited and then disappointed makes me want to cry.


Don't worry, the death toll of marijuana is still 0...


Tomorrow's headline: Matt and Trey calling it quits on *South Park*


I've already sent my gift, but I'm assuming you know that, and its outcome, if you're suggesting this.


We had a tech class at my old high school, run by kind of a nerdy 30-something guy. He was really cool and the class was just a bunch of nerdy high school guys playing LoL or whatever until the bell rang to switch classes.

One day, my sister (who he knows) walks in, and he goes "A GIRL. SEIZE HER"


so basically you are forever alone and wish you had someone to do this with?


Well, I'm not too sure.

 [The Hulk doesn't seem too keen on animals.](http://i.imgur.com/keyfd.gif)


LE MONKAY FAIC LOLOLOLOLOLOL XD MEEMS ARE LE 9FAG ARMY LE LE LE LE LE 4CHIN SAKCS


i'd pay to see a jesus vs muhammed 1v1 brawl


>which would ensure that the entire mechanism VIBRATES when powered.

So it's a dildo?


That doesn't even make sense


If Ron Paul were president we could graffiti the fed with pot leaves.


>"Out the door before I put my foot in your ass,” a female office-worker in green says.

I really didn't understand this part. The exchange had reached its natural end, he was already leaving, and she had to stop him outside the door just so she could make his day that extra bit worse. What a horrible person.

I hope the laugh they had was worth it.


you have gross nipples


It was your twin you dirty son of a bitch.


It's just unbelievable how friggin leftwingers want Congress to give Obama an 8 year blow job.

Congress doesn't need to "run it by the white house" or "consult" Obama or ask his permission for anything, whatsoever, nada.

Friggin leftwingers want their guy be made a dictator. Shitheads.


For lulz, copy one of the texts and use the exact same wording to give a review of something else he's done - washing up or cleaning or whatever - and see if he picks up on it. For best results do it when you can see him open the text.


This is that Shit I found.


It's so sweet that she showed that much kindness to George Bush.


And you look like a gypsy


"we found your sons body..."

"is he ok?"


The NSA has the ability to control data flows in the US, pretty well known. It'd actually be stupid of our gov't to *not* have the ability


Ironically most deaths that occur at home happen in the living room.
Source:  Voice #3 in my head.  The most trustworthy voice.


Well...why does she have to be holding it at all? Most of the pics in r/aww are the animals by themselves.


And started masturbating. In one big orgy.


> Credentials greatly concern me.

I'm sorry, you will have to elaborate.


I guess they could drill a hole for that too.


Yea clearly didn't work out well!  Obviously I worded it to get a reaction and got it, and am getting negative reaction for it the shitty title.

But just so you know I'm not doing anything she isn't fine with.


So, in other words, it's a porno?


Damn. Do you ever think about the stuff that comes out before you say it or you just shit out whatever ignorant crap makes you feel secure?

Black people don't perpetuate the history of anti blackness in the US or globally.


"...and that's why you don't try to scare people, Michael Bluth."

**edit:** I can't believe this is my highest rated comment. Holy crap, you people like your Arrested Development.


And you really think in a ruthless, heartless dictatorship that doesn't value a human life more then a penny a single human with two grocery bags could hold up a full batallion column of tanks?

Think again. About the propaganda that is told - and the reality that this image displays.


Protip: Don't play this against competitive people.


I used to play the Fast and the Furious, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Hear that, OP? This guy's calling you a douche.


nsfw becasue Americans are pussies!


If that's true then weed should be legal *anytime* now...


*reads comment*

*upvotes*

*looks at username*

*downvotes*


One by one I will make you all:

http://i.imgur.com/vyiut.gif


That's a nice spin on it.

I guess "the west is fomenting a civil war in Ukraine" doesn't sound as nice.


Hey it's adultsized LEGO blocks :-)


I suspect a new gameboy and a copy of playboy would help


Oh my god I'm crying.


GOO GAH Gah whe WAN sheh GAA boo!!!!!!!!! DADY No touch ME there!!!!!!!!!!!! But then i took a arrow to da knee!


Made from concentrate.


Sure it is. You're such a nigger jew faggot pussy that you can't give your buddy 3 bucks?


I really felt Gene Wilder's Wonka was a little darker than Johnny Depp's, I think largely due to this scene.


Fuck him, he chose losing & $150M vs winning & $80M. Don't feel bad for him for some reason.. Too bad his legacy will suffer.


>Guyz dis is no spam pls subscribe im giving away screen recorders and i make ninecraft tutorials


This sentence is why I don't watch or support UFC.


Shit, I break a sweat eating a Big Mac.


*facepalm* How did you get so many upvotes?


They've gone to plaid...


i really hope that project never comes out, cuz that means i would actually have to listen through half of a gambino project just for chance.


I can imagine 2 people taking your advice and their smiles just keep getting bigger as the conversation goes on.


Front page of /aww was achieved 10 minutes ago.


They are. To the moose.


"feminist lady." "puts her in her place." look, i'm not trying to start a flame war, i'm just trying to point out that reddit has a huge problem with feminism, and gender equality more generally. i just hope we can be more conscious about it


He was earning that ass


> Do I?

Yes - "patriarchy didn't do this then so it can't be doing this now" is exactly what that line of reasoning is.


Instead of turning in the employee for disciplinary procedures, he was trying to blackmail him for money.  The leadership felt that blackmail was much worse than getting lucky on a desk.


If u talk like this to ur girlfriend.. I'd break up right now. Cunt

**WHY DOWNVOTE ? :(**


Dune.  (The book).  And what inspires me is Dune (the miniseries).  (Actually, I don't think of myself as being inspired to create.  I can't imagine doing anything else.  It's like breathing.)


I think "SCIENCE BITCH!" would have gotten you more upvotes.


Obviously not, since I survived.


Hisorigindoesnotchangethefactthatpeoplearemakingfunofhimfornotfuckinghisfamily.


I am ashamed at how quickly I understood that.


Of course he doesn't control another person's username (?) but why endorse that slur? On a subreddit that's ostensibly about depth?


Redditor 1: I understood that reference.

Redditor 2: What? When? Where? Why?

Redditor 3: [Link to reference](http://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/2tmmr1/til_that_through_most_of_western_history/)

Redditor 4: Thanks! I spend all day in reddit and never see these things when they first show up.


You seemed to fail to notice Jack isn't in the picture either. But let's be honest...who the Hell would miss Jack?


Was his name Allison


Whole lot of whitw knights in here with their jimmies MUCHO rustled.


Your second paragraph needs to be made into a full story.


The same time people started taking memes seriously.


The bartender calls him a cunt.


Came here to say this.


You should tag him on Twitter with a bedroom selfie cuddling with his belt


>Redditor for five months

&#3232;\_&#3232;


Wow. I moved to the States from South America 10 or so years ago with my semi-vegetarian mother, my first meal was a big steak at a fancy restaurant. I couldn't believe my eyes, it was such a large piece of steak and sooo delicious. Hope it is not the last my dear mango.


I know, because a murderer who's spent the last five years trying to justify the murder that he got away with should be treated with the utmost respect.


"You can't just ask people why they're white!"


Awh, I was gonna say that.  Upvotes to you.


Freud just rolled in his grave... from joy.


Just fuck off. You're not making any god damn sense.


To be fair, that *was* added later...


knock it off. Nobody cares.


1. I suddenly am quite sure I don't want to work here.

2. Bye.


IDK feather to dump her or be a bad BF until she dumps me.


My favourate 5 second film is [this one](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfchvCyHmsc)


CP being club Penguin. Not the other kind of CP


That's not a very bold prediction...


When some stupid asshole leaks classified documents, there's a hangin'. And rightly so.


It complements the left?


The troglodytes on this site don't scare me.


I don't see why tipping m'fedora should be so controversial, m'sir.


wow sarcasm, great job. thanks. Never rolled a stop sign in your life, eh?


Unlike most other stunts from this treat this one is actually funny.


You buy an EA game and you don't think you have any interaction with EA? Fucking idiot console fag.


Seriously! I (a lady) was eating a banana in the car driving to work and had to stop at a red light, the man in the car next to me saw me. I tried to focus on the road but we locked eyes and he winked while it was in my mouth.


> Why would you want to jeopardise that relationship for the sake of this random guy who wants some extra on the side from you?

Ugh, that's a really good question. Sometimes it's hard to see a situation clearly when you're in it, and this actually made me think about it a little differently. Thanks.


"Yes. I would be honoured to be given the opportunity."


So I'm not allowed to argue with people on the internet? Listen kid, I have way more comment karma than you, so obviously people agree with the shit I hate at least 51% of the time. I'm probably right about hating kanye seeing as I'm right about all the other stuff I hate.

lol.


Dear sweet Jesus. I needed that.


WELL AREN'T YOU JUST FUCKING POLITE!!!


I wonder if the woman caught a charge after he showed the footage.  Do you know if cops usually follow through with charging someone for lying about that kind of stuff?


Picture of said boobs? I'm having a *hard* time imagining this.


So I wasn't the only one that was confused as hell.


We'll see about that.

I don't believe in lucky tattoos, and I don't believe in the celtics.


We should stop, collaborate, and listen to somehow find a way to combat this. Probably with a brand new invention that will grab hold of us tightly both daily and nightly.


Ah yes, and we last won the CL more recently than you. We also have a decent chance at winning the league this season while Milan are closer to relegation than the title. And what's up with name calling? That's reddit-equivalent of small club mentality


Seriously the biggest tragedy of this game is that because CLG lost no one will talk about how amazingly Zion played.


Your right hand is going to be heartbroken, son!


This is what I came to the comments section looking to find out.  I am not disappoint.


hopefully u get liver disease


she can fit her whole fist in her mouth?!  that's intense.


Wealthy, lazy, and naive people as well.


Freedom smoke, don't breathe this.


I used to be in a clan, then i took a famas to the knee.


My daughter threatened me with this. I looked at her with a bored look until she went down. I didn't catch her or anything. She came to and realized daddy wasn't being bullied.


You're in a subreddit that is made for making fun of people


I'm in a pool of my own blood AMA


I don't know if he does but I certainly do.  I'll take a pre-order for Black Ops2, the re-release of Final Fantasy VIII or maybe Borderlands.

Steam name is needle551, please don't take too long to send it/them and thanks in advance.  Feel free to ask for more games if anyone else out there wants to send me additional games.


You're probably still a moderate, it's just that the republican party has moved so far right you can't see them over the horizon.


He could have had the same effect physically throwing her off of the bus onto the ground, which he did right afterward. I grew up where it wasn't alright to deck a woman in the face. You pieces of shit grew up somewhere else, obviously.


What the fuck goes through someone's mind that thinks this is a good idea?  My guess is tumbleweeds.


Certainly not. However, I have heard similar things said by atheists about the intelligent Christian apologists. The atheists sometimes say that it's the intelligent ones you have to watch out for.


Right?? This one pisses me off. Bitch, you started the dirty back and forth and then immediately get offended? No cringe here,  that was a very appropriate response


Unless you don't believe Jesus said that.

http://www.amazon.com/Who-Wrote-New-Testament-Christian/dp/0060655186


This is near top tier, but my favorite still has to be [this one.](http://i.imgur.com/bvJohRc.jpg)


FAKE.

You can't loot corpses after you kill them in wolf form.

GTFO WITH YOUR FAKE SHIT.


You could say that justice was.... delivered.


Stop using that word "e-sport" its not a damn sport.


Yeah it was a pretty good summer :P

Thanks


Penn is also a gigantic douche.


haha, the "sudden moment of clarity" edit was fucking priceless.


That's not very rare at all...


That is absolutely the most awful story I have ever heard.


That made me laugh so hard!


But... It was so colorful.


MY DADDY SAYD DAT I HAS DA BLACK SKIN CAWSE MY MOMMY HAD DA SEXY TYME WIT DA NIGGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Camden is such an odd place. There's like 2 blocks of "not imminent murder by crackhead" at the aquarium/stadium/concert waterfront and the rest is, well, Camden. I used to go over a lot for concerts, tailgates, etc. From Philly and they have a literal line of cops tunneling people to the trains back to Philly.


Nope. Some "sponsorship" this turned out to be.


It was called «Kunst, Blasfemi og Ytringsfrihed», which translates to "Art, Blasphemy and Freedom of Speech"


Yes, I'm sure that's likely, especially given my presence elsewhere that's not buried in arcane subreddits.


Then the hardware store guy gets a $1.50, fueling the economy.  The system works.  Obama 2012.


not slutty at all? and if you want to be girly dont be a superhero


That sudden commercial break.


Haha, no nothing like that! I think it's pretty common for a personal assistant to do those sorts of things.


Gently stroke the shaker's wrist with your index finger.


I do not apologize.  I am not repentant.

If you want more details I just outlined the entire situation and my thoughts on it: http://www.kyle-brady.com/2009/12/13/why-not-to-participate-in-online-gift-exchanges/


Amazon rainforest in brazil.


Haha that's your opinion.


I didn't get it at first, but then I read the username and it made sense. Sometimes you have to me as observant as a oscillating pen cap to understand reddit.

Well played.


LOL GUIZ, GET IT? HE INSULTED HIMSELF AFTER THE JOKE, NOW YOU HAVE TO UPVOTE IT DESPITE THE JOKE BEING UNFUNNY AND POINTLESS, UPSWEDEN TO YOU GOOD SIR! [10]


Actually, the joke is on you.  You work in a restaurant and take joy from giving servers warnings.  It sucks to be you.


Yes wonderfully random. Things that stood out in this video....

* Louis CK is turning into a smug twat
* Tony Hawk needs to learn you can't do interviews _and_ be a sycophant
* For a guy that can now afford multiple full time personal fitness trainers, Louis CK is looking like a fat slob on a sofa


I'm a guy but after I finish once, I look back at the screen and am disgusted... I think it's called fapper's remorse, maybe it's the same for women?

Edit: I've been getting a lot of suggestions to go to /r/nofap and I have one thing to say to you guys: ain't no mo f'en way, you crazy.


Not every rant born out of anger is a copypasta. Some words just come naturally to the man who has been slighted by the idiocy of those whom crowd the burdens of their uninspired thoughts onto him.


Having 3 little Kramer impersonators doesn't sound like a mistake, more like a life hack.


>We have our world as we do thanks to boys like these.

Yeah... no. That merit goes to the russians that did the majority of the fighting against nazis. D-Day and the whole western front didn't account for more than 20% of all the men and vehicles deployed by the nazis.


*hugs* Shhh, it's okay. Don't listen to that *monster.*


Did I say that? And I'm pretty sure women read and enjoy that sub too.


Who is the biggest man you could see yourself take out in a fist fight ?


Because they're trying to "prove" a hamfisted point by being a petulant shithead.


I reconsidered Apostolate.

"I-post-a-lot"


Most likely, but much more entertainment value out of context


Obama's clearly in the pocket of Big Vaccine, and this is all part of his plan to kill off liberal children by exposing them to autism. /s


/facepalm

*Wooden* ones do. It doesn't matter **at all** that Nether brick fences don't. What, should spruce/birch/jungle fences just be made from blocks unlike oak fences?


You're probably healthier than any engineer who's been on-planet for the past half year. I say this from the same chair I've been sitting in for fourteen hours now.


I second this proposal.


Dude, can we stop bringing up vaccinations everywhere. It's vapid at this point.


I'm annoyed by this woman so I'm siding with the company. Sorry I'm bias
Lol


"Ey guys, Freddie wants to let you guys know the party is cancelled"

"Awwwh, to bad."


I like the guy. If i were in charge people like you would be up for banning first because you are whiny douches who love wielding autocratic power over others. People like you are found in governments, game companies and police forces across the world and can't tolerate free speech.


Two soldiers are swimming in a tank. They are swimming towards the enemy, happily about to open fire. They are doing exactly what they aren't meant to be doing. They are good refrigerators.


fuck you, americans need to die, 911 forever!


Confidence is quiet. Insecurities are loud.

Edit: thank you kind stranger for my gold privilege that won't be checked


Idk I felt it isn't so "ancient" xD


Then play with their Wii.


yeah exposing people to one of the most hateful groups on the internet is a fantastic thing.


>(bi)cyclist

Does that mean you ride both ways?


Came in here to say that.  Why am I always too late to post something original?


Gem gem gem gem gem valve valve valve ea bad, valve good. Gabengabengaben.


To be fair, anyone who thinks like this has probably genuinely spent more time in front of video games than I have.


According to wikipedia the lab was grossing around $600,000 per week (at the manufacturer level they were only getting around $0.30 per dose).


We are Legion.

**EDIT:** Source - Book of Mark 5:9


Nice! Love how the drawing inside the drawing has another drawing inside that drawing!


**T R O L L F A C E P T I O N**

haha, gotta love reddit memes


Why? America has been fucking up their countries for years and if fate were fair 9/11 would have been the first is dozens of similar attacks.


so we're kind of paying for that bribe money to the FCC ourselves? against ourselves. nice.


I'm ashamed to say when I read the title my first thought was of an episode of Babylon 5, though I did read the original story in school.
 [](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003VNKNEQ?ie=UTF8&tag=polidebanews-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B003VNKNEQ).


Ah yes, the fearsome Vole of Death...


>~~Wow tokens~~ *Payments for subs with gold* are coming faster than I thought.

FTFY

EDIT: Downvoted for the truth? Lol.


Try not to suck any dicks on the way through the parking lot!


lord of the rings reference!

7 people don't get it!


Not to mention she can go swimming for our food better than legs-mctuna


So? The kid was obviously not having fun once the second push got started and the mom just stood there and laughed.


Plot twist: the knife is actually hidden in your back


I hope you didn't jump onto the boycott bandwagon haphazardly. I'm an Arizonan, I've bought numerous SOAD albums and have seen you perform live at Ozzfest. That being said, I wont be giving you or your band any more of my money. You boycott my state, and I boycott you. I know that I'm not the only Arizonan that feels that way.


Yeah, there aren't any unless you are so incredible it isn't even funny. I mean, you have those ones that everyone can apply for, but they usually amount to like $500, which is $500 more than you *had*....but, that's like throwing an ice cube on a forest fire.


like 18.  it's a school for troubled kids


What do you mean moving? Everything we've ever landed on has been moving.


The New Deal was a disaster, and anyone who says otherwise has never read about it.  Historic or not, the healthcare tax is also a disaster.


It's not like you weren't listening to to that song anyways.

Edit: Somehow didn't notice that that extra 'to'. Thanks /u/ProxyREBorn


: nods :

It's great to have a single heritage - other countries celebrate that, why is it so wrong for whites?

Perhaps peoples diffuse guilt at past slavery and things is driving it?


except that the dog was starting to panic.


She's, *cleaning up the streets* (•_•) / ( •_•)>⌐■-■ / (⌐■_■)


hohoheho 'did you just smash it recently' hoooohahahahahooho oh my thatss really funny not sarcasm hahahha jesus thats funny. whew. that was funny ha- as ashit, funney as shit. nice


Nice try, straight guy.


You're fuckin retarded


These things [are hilarious.](http://i.imgur.com/6HlTNQV.jpg)

[Another one.](http://i.imgur.com/wlmPVqr.jpg)


Downvoted because he's fat


That's because the guy and the girls in which he's swimming aren't browsing this site. At all.


Wrong she's flat as a plank...

Edit: wow at the downvotes.... you guys have low standards...


I'm not a French lawyer, but I suppose the municipality of Paris would simply sue Fox News in Paris.  They also have very strong hate speech laws, so it would be interesting if they brought an action under that law.


too bad he didnt shoot you


Seasonal steam sales. Where you pass 70% discounts for a better deal.


Why, I think you got a -1 point for saying "goat fucker". Oh, the shock. The occultist has to be the most annoying mob in the game. They should be called "fucking goat fucker fucking fucks". I hateses themz.


It isn't, he just wanted to crush OPs dreams.


That's life. Put up or shut up. I don't like it either but there's not much you can do. If it bothers you that much there's plenty of small towns around the country with mom and pop shops that over charge for inferior goods.


That would be a fruitless endeavor.


it also really makes me realize how many of these people if they are in the same age range as me. the 20-30 range is full of a bunch of fucking pedo's it's kinda disgusting.


"I'm bleeding to death, but if I call an ambulance the police will arrest me, what do?"


Loved Scutaro, one of **le** dumbest moves was trading him and keeping Aviles instead who we just moved for John Farrell.

Congrats Marco, you were truly a class act in Boston, and I hope **Derp** does just as well in **le** WS.


I don't think milk can smell.


CTV News was given mandatory carriage when it first started out.
Nothing wrong with Sun News asking for the same treatment.


Thanks Internet Explorer.


If you don't want to abide by customs laws don't travel to the country it's as simple as that


You work for 9gag don't you?

Wait...you said OFF Reddit.  My bad.


Karma-grab level: over 9000


That's actually true. Never go in the ocean.


well if someone hooked you up to a lie detector test and said have you ever tasted dick and/or cum you're fucked


I went ahead and combined the pictures so it is easier to share. People should know about what is happening out there and how history is repeating itself.

http://i.imgur.com/BcCyY.jpg


Why not play better? :D


As a completely straight guy i would totally suck a dick to get this in my city. I volunteer as tribute.


I do too, but I won't be purchasing their beers any more.


The only logical thing to do on Mars.


Okay thanks for that


"She can't say no. Because of the *implication*." - Thomas Jefferson


Another awful pun involving water and time to be downvoted to the point of being hidden.


More like auto-play videos that aren't muted.


take a picture, you pathetic loser


I opened the comments section expecting to see top comment about why you shouldn't have lifted the dog that way, there it is


Be quiet, people who agree are in the minority.


so terrifying in 9th grade


how does this not have more upvotes ?


Bonus points if he's creepy and sounds like a molester.


Don't blame the officers. Seriously, this is an inherent symptom of monopolies (government-run services). There is no loss if they treat "customers" like shit. At the worst, you sue them and *taxpayers* have to pay for it.


I can't imagine an acceptable reason for you to know that.


sejuani sucks hard, there is no way around it. doesnt matter what you do, she sucks.


> causing tuition to drop

Not when the government will be paying for the CC.

I am all for this if CC's have low tuition and the greedy book companies are told to go to hell.


Whoa!  You're right!  I'm on my phone and it's hard to see the small pic.  Mind... Blown.

Edit:  why in the hell am I getting down voted to oblivion??  WTF?  I wasn't sarcastic.  I honestly didn't notice that it wasn't the Hulkster.


What's he up to these days?


Of course the white knights will give advice like this, however consider this. Many women won't stfu when they really need to, they will talk and talk to the point where the only way out is to shut the fucker down. This is what i believe happened, in the future, if you sense things aren't looking well, just stfu and let the situation cool down.


Thank you! That means I've helped a lot of people today. And, I've been fucked by some of the best sales managers around.


Dude, nobody's saying that. It's just fucking annoying. Stop trying to make people out to be whiny bitches when you're the bitch who's whining about them.


probably has to deal with that bullshit a lot from jealous men and paranoid women


Ok, so?  What's the point in making her feel bad?  Why does it need to be all about how she wronged YOU?  She's probably got enough issues and guilt and everything else, why the need to pile on her more just so you can be mean and feel justified?  Focus on trying to get her help and stop berating her and feeling entitled to an apology.


First, a question for you.  Are you writing from either prison or the pre-bronze age?  How about you go to fucking Home Depot and get a four dollar PVC saw and/or a twenty-five cent sheet of 80 grit sandpaper you can lay on a flat surface and make like you're starting a fire.  PS - Make sure you deburr the PVC before you violate it.


Gee, seems like if the DOJ had a case, they'd bring Florida to court.

Or they'll just continue writing threatening letters.

If you're right on the facts, pound the facts. If you're not right on the facts, pound the table.


Some ladies are..

Hell, I usually don't even let my boyfriend, or anyone for that matter, pay for me.


Beg to differ all you want.

You are incorrect.


What the fuck just happened?


Real proof that OP is def. a fag.


When I went off to college, my dad said "Son, it's OK to go to war." Significant pause. "It's OK to *dive into the trenches.*" More significant, super-awkward pause. "Just remember, every good soldier wears his helmet."

From the next room, my mom yells "JUST GIVE HIM THE BOX OF CONDOMS ALREADY."


And they came to a hero's end.


I was born on Planet Earth.

Moveonnextquestion.

And I'm American, and proud of it.


If Villa are the Villians, does that make Monaco Heroes?


error 404. File not found.


* Femin**ism**
* /r/shitredditsays
* aka fempires


Well now I feel bad. Here's an upvote :D


Children have no souls nor do they feel bad for the things they say.


Nah I rather spend that time looking up tonight's sleepers and make some cash.


It just means the horse had a very strong penis.


He nearly scored on his debut Liverpool.. Same as Balo, 2 mins on the clock too. Come to think of it, Balo should have scored a hat trick.
Oh, back to El Torres, Agger was being a naughty boy and he hurted Torres. Was it because Torres had brown hair at the time or the Chelsea trikot? It was the hair wasn't it..


The proper way to interact with wasp nests...https://i.imgur.com/XvmbGvD.gif


Buddie, go buy a ring for your video game and make love to it and marry it. How the fuck do you want to kick out FRIENDS and play a fucking game instead? And even if you do, let them chill and play your game, I don't see the problem.


That's a good day man. I'm at almost 1 year since my last one.


I used to ride the karma trains, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Deliver and you shall be rewarded with karma beyond belief.


Black Americans in the 60s? Lack of malt liquor and ribs on welfare check day. Don't you know anything about history?


Probably.  Now he knows when she's in the mood, which is a turn on in itself.


walk into a metal working shop, ask to see the white smith, see the look on the real workers faces, go back to your book and say "but but but"...  still, there are no whitesmiths


Suggestion: Get a divorce now and save yourself time. You shouldn't be treating each other that way.


There's an edit button. This isn't MSN/AIM/SKYPE/YAHOO/BBM...


That word is fucking bullshit.


well is juss sayin u love or hate me, i dun mind any haters bring it on ;)


...and a Woody Allen movie happens.


Came for the rape, stayed for the down votes


also, no one is answering you because of your user name.


Nah its gross how can you have sex with one chick the rest of your life ehh


You just blew my mind.


Her biceps are giant man. I have seen female body builders but they have more of a slender muscle look to them if that makes sense. I understand that she is curling so her muscles are protruding far but you can't honestly tell me that this is natural.

I had no idea the 14 year olds that frequent this forum would downvote my last comment so bad but c'mon, it isn't natural.


Because the church is incredibly litigious and no national media outlet would risk exposing them if it meant long, expensive trials. In addition, since so many powerful people in Hollywood are associated with the church, they could make it so these celebrities never give another interview to that company.


Upboated for relevance!


>Out of hand.

Is this intentional?


Pretty odd for a CCTV camera to be that low to the ground. Almost looks like if she kept walking, she'd have walked right into it.


Anyways back to Rampart......Its a movie set in 1999 and we really focus on making it feel like a 90's movie.  It was a great experience.


yep. the top comment(and the majority here) on a post about respecting women is sexualizing and objectifying women. wouldn't expect any more from this place.


a blow jobs a blow job..


Yeah, but you could argue that by having sex, they were trying to.


holy fuck it turned him spanish...


Every time he does it, respond with an over-the-top terrified "Aughh!"


**I certainly hope I wasn't the only one who got a big ol' BONER reading this!  Tell us more!**


For radio: Ads that play car sounds (horns, screeching tires, sirens). I'm also looking at you, traffic reports.


Tasteless on the other hand...


To be fair, nutter butters are fucking delicious


Uhh... I don't think it's called rape, if a woman does it to a man...


A fat joke a day keeps Episode 3 away.


Mob-mentality never gets it wrong.


*"Fill your fridge with cake, and every time she goes for a slice, run into the room and smash it out of her hand with an angry look in your eyes."*

Then yell at the top of your lungs CAKE BLOCKED BY NETGEAR FIREWALL!


You're dumb for being 15 and posting pics of yourself on a website that used to have a subreddit named, /r/JailBait

EDIT: Only pervs would downvote this comment.


I dunno, what about all those people that are descendants of Genghis Khan?


If you're talking about the crowd being pro-Navi, trust me, if the tournament was in China, Chinese fans are 100 times worse. The audience was respectable enough.

Nationalism is always ugly. Chinese nationalism is worse.


Threatening to kill all white students was not racism, since she's black.


Man, some people would kill for $10 an hour. But then idk what it is *you* do, so depends case per case.


Shit.  Your job regardless of what your description is, is to be helpful.  Sometimes that means doing good shit you went to school for.  Sometimes it means chiseling gum off a rock with a screwdriver.


It's lose, not loose.


Don't know when the show will air, I'll keep you posted. Favourite shows: Modern Family, Louis, Breaking Bad, Mad Men


That's because BF4 was going to be a third-person shooter before they decided to stick with the original first-person perspective. I remember in the pre-alpha you could look around corners to see enemy players. It was awesome.


Holy shit.

I think you've fulfilled your "do something good today" quota for the next like, forever.

edit: [as requested](http://imgur.com/eLhjByI)

edit 2: [OP says it's legit](http://www.reddit.com/r/askreddit/comments/2smu8d/suppose_i_walk_into_your_place_of_work_with_400_to_spend_what_does_that_get_me/cnr65vi)


Sorry.  I don't do comics.  But I do know where to use an apostrophe.

You can see some of my component or use case diagrams, if that'll help, you smug fsck.


double twist: It wasn't your real father.


wasnt suspended. He just shot up a school 5 people hurt 1 dead.

Edit: He was a witness to the shooting.

Reedit: hey i glimpsed at a TV at my job. CNN just does a really bad job of being descriptive. Downvote CNN not me haha.

Re Reedit: downvote me to hell!


I gotta say, I have heard some good pig jokes in my line of work - but this one takes the cake. You got a good chuckle out of me on that one.


Wow, so much stupid in one comment. Impressive "dazza" hahahahahahahahaha


Dude this candy is warm and smells like shit.


That's why pre-releases exist, such as betas. It is the testers' sole purpose to root out bugs, exploits, balancing issues, and glitches of all kinds.

EDIT: Can someone explain to me why I'm being downvoted?


**Gleeb:** Has anyone seen my Martha Stewart cook book?


I used to talk in dolanese, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I think even more than high school, more important than studying, s going to every class.

If you go to every class, you'll have an idea of the curriculum. You'll know what material they emphasized, what pages to read.

If you don't go to class, it makes studying much much harder. You'll miss material, you'll be confused/disoriented, and you won't be sure what to ask the professor.


Must be nice to be so bad that there's nothing to be salty about.


Maybe, but I propped the cover up pretty good to avoid any motion.


I don't speak fluent Queer Burger, sir.  But here is an upvote for your participation.


What did it for me was the score. It captured not just the ending scenes, but the entire movie. I've never felt quite a wave of different emotions like I did at the end of that movie. It gets mentioned often, but that docking scene, oh man.


What is This a same minded indavidual like myself?!?!

Up vote for you!


To be fair, Idaho does that to people.


Welp time to prepare for all the newfag redditfags shitting up the place.


The committee doesn't award posthumous prizes. The same thing happened to Marie Curie.


My life used to end happily ever after... but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Well first you change your attitude. Then you find out how to go about it.


basically cat people are secure with themselves and don't need a passive doormat that worships the ground they walk on. dog lovers are the opposite and get intimidated by cats.


>Come in me if you want to live


I'm confused about what you're asking. There are no special rules for celebrities v. non-celebrities; we just made this celebrity guide because they're not normally reddit users and so they don't know the basics of registering an account or making a submissions.


>4.) **Search** for posts that concern us.

reddit is always one step ahead.


Yeah, it's totally fine if it's over $1000.

Edit: I forgot, you can't read sarcasm.


omg!  U dnt lyk txt spk? wtf bro!


You know when you try something good and you can't go back?

That is where Im coming from. The food in the "Award Winning Pasta" post yesterday was hideous & depressing.


You should've finished, while staring deep into their eyes and silently mouthing, "for Asguard."


Wait... What? What are you talking about?


Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home...


I can fully understand this situation, but it was painfully obvious this girl was wearing a pushup bra (they were way perkier than usual) and she was wearing a button up shirt, like the one in the picture, that was unbuttoned a lot. I know the pains of not being able to button up shirts over your cleavage, too, but she was putting it out there on purpose.


An appropriate response when speaking to a child.


The only stupid people here are the ones who do drugs.

Stay in school, kids.


That sounds like a good method for killing two family names instead of one.  I'm sure your ancestors are proud.


Oh I get it. Cause he actually did that in the show!  Nice joke genius.


>sir

Don't ever forget your manners while you're being mugged.


Is this the Downvote train?


TIL Neil deGrasse Tyson and Bill Nye hang out. The world is complete


**GIVE US SOMETHING WE HAVEN'T ALL ALREADY DOWNLOADED AND PLAYED.  LAME.  NO DIGG.**


Children are also vegetables.


So what you are saying is that the legislative branch of our government has no rights to any information unless and except that which is provided for by the POTUS?  Lol.  Okay, just wait until there is a Republican president and let's see how happy you are with whom he allows Congress to hear.


Being 5'5 is punishment enough.


Natural selection at work. What a brave man.


The good thing is, as cameras become cheaper and better, the amateur stuff gets better and better, too.


No one cares about your bullshit circumcision drama, don't distract from serious issues like female genital mutilation with it.


That awkward moment when someone describes a *perfectly normal situation* as awkward. It's not awkward, you just don't have the maturity to handle it.


Man this just has to be the stupidest thing I've read all day. You seriously would throw your baby in front of a moving train just to save your cat? http://i.imgur.com/PFei9.gif


WOULD YOU RATHER BE FREE OR BE TIED DOWN BY THE GOVERNMENTS LIES?!


I don't work for EG, but I like Orb. You may have my downvote =).


Tried that.  Damn sweater was like the Grinch's heart.  2 sizes too small.


Wow, that's probably never happened before! Seriously, how easily amused are you?


That's not sad; that's funny.


Kennedy and Obama nailed her.

edit: Wow, I think that's a downvote record! I was just kidding around, guys! She's a classy broad, IRL.


I can honestly say I expect far more attractive men.


Hmm so you never heard the word Denier come from Bill.  "Denier"  is a catch phase developed by the Cult to associate scientist with Nazis and racist, that hold a different scientific view.

Now, I think it would be much more effective if you took 60 seconds to learn this fact for yourself.  Google is a good place to start.


They put a shoe on the guy's head for verification. It's Legit


Replying to this comment appears to be cursed D:

WHAT HAVE I DONE!


Socially Awkward Bee.

*Has sex incorrectly*

*Fakes death so it's not awkward*


Yes dear autism. He sure is.


Been to SA, can confirm.  Feels like Wild West in some places.


Well aren't you a sexist little fuckwit.


I am pretty sure NASA, as basically any scientific entity uses the metric system.


I'll keep that in mind. If you can drop the MLP condescension, which I'm guessing was in jest anyway, I'm likely to ask you for help at some point.


I think the surest sign you've grown up is when you see mail for you and are filled with dread rather than excitement.


Redditor for 1 month, first post

you better keep this up

Edit: Holy fuck was it something I said?


I just like the mental image of a guy in a gas mask studying for his exam


You're such a homer it's disgusting.  Fans like you make the team suck by not realizing what makes a good ball player.


Where the *hell* did you go to kindergarten, SPARTA??!


Yeah! And I write something witty now!

Edit: Testicles


Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!


shut the fuck up with your racst BULLSHIT. your the reason we have a god damn black rpesident you ignorant fuck. go be a nigger elsewhere


But they're women, so it's okay. Only men are pedophiles- just like how spousal abuse is only when a man hits a woman and not the other way around - it's okay for random strange ladies to want to undress your kid.


WTF is wrong with you?


I'd make up some really embarrassing shit so fast it'd make their heads spin.

"My dog still gets really excited when he smells peanut butter thanks to XXXXXX."

"I'll never forget the time XXXXX sharted during sex. There are probably still stains on that apartment ceiling."

Ask me a stupid question and I will happily provide you a stupid answer.


I used to post to 4chan but I took an arrow to the knee!


My thoughts exactly. In fact, I don't think "Mother of the Year" should be taken sarcastically. She ain't perfect but she probably cares a whole lot more than a housewife that makes the nanny buy them what they want. This lady is truly trying to make her kid happy.


Hes clearly being silly halfway through and fucking with her. The fact OP doesn't realize this shows that OP is clueless.


But how can I have more when I haven't had any yet?


Without the [helmet](http://bicyclesafe.com/helmets.html), would he have made her ride more [carefully](http://www.vehicularcyclist.com/hfaq.html#A10)?


I'm living with you.

I'm not even asking. I'll move in next weekend.


Wait till they get Koba involved.

^^^Koba ^^^Lives


And we all know books didn't exist then.


"Oh you made a good point? I'm gonna scream about an isolated incident and label all pot-smokers as evil"


Not jealous or bitter. The facts don't lie buddy.


He won the game, that's what he did. He managed to become a successful Disney child actor *and* got out before being turned into a Lohan or Cyrus. People laugh at the shitty movies he made but in the end he's the multi-millionare that retired in his teens.


I wasn't aware that male perspectives are invalid. Thank you for clarifying.


Maybe. As it was a dauther.


> Like it or not this is pretty par for the course for what happens to *people* over the internet.

FTFY


That moment when you have a realization of something in your life midway through a reddit post.


Why? I'm just curious.


And he's only dead because he liked to get hammered and drive 100 mph


Uhhh... What?

**ECOCENTRISM**

This is when humans inappropriately perceive themselves to be the only important member of an ecosystem.

Seriously, for the record: this is a Palliated North American wood Pecker and you've destroyed his home OP.

This kind of intrusion can push birds like this out if their home. Shame on you


You don't take a man's accidental curly. You take a man's *wife* before you take his accidental curly.


Quite the contrary which is why I took offense to the word "dumb."  My Labrador retriever is smarter than many people I know.


Probably a big red dot on the free throw line.


Thanks for standing up to that shitlord! High five!


I feel like that moment before you do paper rock or scissors could easily be interpreted as a quick handjob in a nearby gas station bathroom


My only regret is that I have but one upvote to give.

Edit: syntax.


I can see this happening way too easily.


Calling Taiwan a country is like calling Quebec a country.


**LOCAL WOMAN RECOVERS AS METH ADDICT, OD'S ON LOLS ONE YEAR LATER**  *^FILM ^AT ^ELEVEN*


There's a hug and then there's a butt pirate embrace. These butt pirates have perfect form.


Yes it was absolutely targeted to become viral, but unlike many others that try the same, i personally find it very entertaining and not annoying at all.

just like their last videos.


More like "Does anybody think black people should be able to assault anyone? Self-defense is racism."


Make sure you do it to people who have media influence, and likely to believe it.

Like Rush Limbaugh. That'd be hilarious.

Edit: Just to be clear, I'm not trying to be political. I was mostly referring to the "disease" he had.


then you took an arrow to the...somewhere?


Commercial breaks too? Or did they pause during commercials? I ask because I'm one of those weirdos who watches old commercial breaks from previous decades (50's-80's) uploaded to YouTube. That would be a goldmine for someone like me.


Still no answers, are you gonna be on the cover of the spin doctors revival album?


If you're a dude, marry her.

If a chick, also marry her.


OP's pic.

is this the birth of a new epic meme?


I think it is well knowN that W was a nice guy. Just deluded in many of his policies and not fit for the presidency.


...with your logic, people who come to the place I work and buy food should be able to come and help themselves to my house whenever they want.

You're not the only person who gives him money for his services.  You **should** feel guilty.  I'd be really hurt if someone did this to me.

I'm honestly one of those "all you had to do was ask" people.  This really makes me sad.


Well, I'm done with reddit for the day.


I don't know what that is so I'm going to pretend you were tricked into watching it by clever marketing.


He looks like a junior counselor at a Jewish day camp whose team just won the kickball tournament.


Pre-sequel isn't included.


I searched for a pic of someone with no eyelashes for the sake of curiosity.

[This](http://www.czech-glass-nail-files.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/no_eyelashes.jpg) is what I got.


And that took you five minutes??


DINOSOUR EPIC FAIL VIDEOS COMPILATION (FLINTSTONE 320P QUALITY)


I respectfully disagree. Mental health institutions work very hard on their patients and are always classified as "loony bins".

I this particular case, a teaspoon of cement should have been all he needed. He was a firefighter, harden the fuck up please (-:


+2 for the devil-midget

edit: that *is* the term they prefer


I just had a really lovely image of Sandro standing atop a pile of decimated  blue-kitted corpses with bits of entrail and football stuck in his teeth. And he's got Fat Frank's skin in his hand, ready to take it home and make a Lamp-shade out of it.


I've told this before on reddit when this comes up, but I was watching the today show about 20 years ago and they were showing the dress that Marilyn sang happy birthday to president Kennedy in. It was on a mannequin and that thing was TINY. Katie Couric was standing next to it and she looked like a giant and they couldn't stop talking about how little it was.


Can you see if he went for the gun? Who said he grabbed the gun, the police?


Typical. Didn't get the part so now no one can be robin.


oh wow thank you! you totally just made my day! XD


> Betty White and ~~somebody~~ everybody.


And this is *aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall* women's fault!!


Nilbog

Nilbo

Nilb

Nil

Ni

N

iN

liN

bliN

obliN

gobliN

**OMG**


FUCK YOUR DADDY

IN THE EAR


Not really, considering neither of them even *mentioned* grey salt, black salt, Himalayan pink salt, or truffle salt.


True dat - I don't understand mataphors.

Never have. Prolly never will.


People are fucking stupid.


No, but if you are referring to my terrible writing and drawing skills, then yes I would agree they look like that of a fourth grader. Too much typing for too long, haha.


This is the first legitimately bizarre one I've seen so far.


'Except retarded RAEG COMICS"


Also known as the bed onion.

EDIT: I personally hate these edits, but I really don't know whether to feel happy or sad that this is my most upvoted comment ever.


You could say...that OP would kill to see it?


I love the way you approached that question with such delicacy. Haha but yes that's how it goes down after an inch of being inside her.


Not gonna lie, comments like this, or ones that similarly say things like "you win the internet net" or "you win" add nothing to the conversation. nothing. You don't deserve a single upvote.


How is her gender relevant?


Holy mind fuck.. They should make a movie about this.


I logged in to says this!!!


Unless you have an acidic vagina. Bleached panties, yo...


I used to thank people for telling me what my spidy-senses were already picking up, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Basically, this is Death Race with paintballs. HO-LEE SHIT. I would sign up for this in a heart beat.


is there a way to get the stepdaughter involved without any negative consequences? say, she's really close to her mother and they both have a mutual attraction for the OP. assuming OP follows your advice and fixes his sex life first, what would your wife have to say about eventually involving the stepdaughter?


His internet connection went down


Well I can usually hit cats on my fence 20 feet away with my daisy wrangler.


And then: Aqua Man was born.


Your 15 minutes is up. Already newer edgier novelty accounts are nipping at your heels WAP. You should retire knowing that you made the world a better place, while you still have some dignity left.


This guy gets it.

"Is this the new 3DS?"

"No, it's used."

"No, I get that, but is it the NEW used 3DS."

"It can't be new and used."

"But the name of it, is it the New 3DS or just the 3DS?"


hi guys

edit: romney 2012


So tell us all about that one time at band camp.


I think you are the one that thinks that. Just because you worked with linux for 12 years doesn't mean you know how it works or how to fix bug or add feature. These people are dedicated. I think you people are full of shit and no i don't work for them. Get over yourself.


im 18, he had me when he was 20 or so


oh yeah that cool internet thing where u misspell what and act like I didnt make sense good one fuck boy


My jaw is still on the ground.


Downvoted for admitting being a Republican.


This needs its own post when it goes down.


*Archer* copied this joke. This is why I only watch 90s cartoons.

Edit: Downvoters, I don't mean they copied the entire joke, I mean the part where a character says something serious and the other character laughs then says "oh, you were serious".

Edit 2: I'm not saying *Archer* is terrible. I'm just saying everything made in the 90s/early 2000s was better.


What do you expect? It's a doggy dog world out there.


then you're retarded. read the title


Seriously - I understand your human desire to not want to publicly humiliate someone...probably because you're a good person...but the fact of the matter is that you're underage, and this guy works around minors every day. By staying quiet, you're only giving him the chance to keep pushing his ways on OTHER minors until he finds one not strong enough to say "no" as many times as you did.


You know when you casually say something that is sort of supposed to just be a little joke, and then someone else in the room expands on the subject for the sake of accuracy, and makes the whole thing really awkward?

I think you're being that person. :P


And a lot of time for clean-up


Let's see here....

American? Check.

Intelligent? Check.

Teenager? Check.

Skinny? 6 feet tall, 105 pounds. Check.

It seems I meet all the requirements to be downvoted. Well, fuck.


Big breasts. Not for me, for my children. We Schrutes produce thirsty children.


Quick rant about the there will be hater thing because it's slightly relevant. The fact that they have Suárez as part of that and act as he's never done anything to deserve his haters is disgusting.

Edit : just clarifying that I don't disagree with the entire campaign, just Suárez being apart of it.


This man deserves a medal.

And what an awesome surprise to see that you created the site on Weebly! We just donated $10,000 to the cause.


That's true, I'm the ass, not people who massively downvoted me for pointing out they're lying and wished death upon me.


Now Skeeter, he ain't hurtin nobody!


I know after 5 days you must be a fucking expert


"YOUR DAD IS DYING. HEY. YOUR DAD. Fuck...

I JUST TOOK A HUGE SHIT ON YOUR DAD. YEA THAT GOT YOUR ATTENTION DIDN'T IT."


probably should have recommended a good screen cleaner then, I'm not so completely ignorant of computers, to need to be educated, not to download untrusted shit.


The worst was, "that's not a doorknob, that's a door handle." *punch*


Didn't know this existed. Glad you pointed this out. It's the perfect fuck you to my cheating ass bf.


>Making a child should be a decision you both come to.


You r Le trololo man!!!!!!!!!!!1 XD


I survived Im home now, and no stings!


How is this not the top comment of this thread?


That bot is banned in AskReddit...


your faggot lizard is dead bro, get over it. Tell your faggot son only a weirdo own reptiles anyways.


The real kicker: He's jewish.


>coming from a man with a father

I too have a father. In a way you could say we all... Had fathers.


My best guess: 7M20518 Good luck.

This enhanced pic is pretty good. With the make and model and this albeit partial plate they actually run a pretty good chance of figuring it out.

Edit: based on further knowledge of California plates.


How about instead, when I get sad I'll just buy myself a vagina.


That's the most disgusting feeling ever, ESPECIALLY in a public toilet...


You also havent had a cake day.


Mexican jokes and black jokes are all the same.. Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal


And by that, I assume you mean in her bedroom?


What the fucking fuck is "Rolling Face"?  Please explain to this 38 year-old.


Same. people can't take chirps. I assumed most people on here have actually played hockey and could take chirps. Guess not. My bad.


Oh! I remember you, you're the guy that misspelled his username in the Obama post.


I used to be young like you, then I took an arrow to the knee


The salt will be glorious.


DAT WAS WAY TOO LONG N I DIDNT WEAD ANY OF IT OP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Stay classy, Baltimore.


He's just doing what he's paid to do. Do you wait by the door in the morning so you can thank the postman for delivering the post?

*Wow, that's the last time I speak my opinion about a topic that's so dear to you fucking patriotic American idiots. Whoever went through and downvoted everything I had posted recently, that's really damn childish.


I always get scared and wonder what I did.


that's really good to know thx for sharing


Nah, she just sort of seizured her way into the room all sexy like.


Don't make me tell your teacher.


The sad thing is that I googled it to see if your story was true...and there were multiple stories about murders happening inside Pizza Hut restaurants all over the country.


Quick everyone let's get upset over nothing!


Your references are out of control.


Get a link in the side bar and shut the fuck up.  No one gives a shit about you or your spam.


I'm a woman and I agree with you. However, it goes both ways. Men and women are just not the same.


No she's not.  You just have low standards.


I think you're correct.  How do I know?  The chips are in a bowl, and the dip isn't in it's original container.  I don't know a man that while wearing a hockey jersey would remove chips or dip from it's store bought container.


Its actually really easy to tell for the most part.


That's pretty funny. And if his Dad tries to get angry at him for it he can just claim ignorance,

>"It must be from one of my friends trying to play a joke on me. I guess you shouldn't have opened my mail."


i thought the trope reddit is misogynist was just a joke.
JohanNorseman you are a joke


Glad your couple year suffering of no super bowls has ended... Idk how you pulled through


How are those attention-grabbing usernames?


I remember it, there were a lot of great posts.


She is a moron. I saw her on Craig Ferguson (who is also a moron) one night, and honestly she was one of the dumbest people I have ever seen.


If you start doing that now, you can sell those panties to horny dudes and save up for that shower.


He has more company in his mind, than you ever will on your shriveled, child's penis.


He got 3 years in prison for a this and a bunch of other stuff.

Edit: thank you grammar-nazi Revived !


EDIT: DOWNVOTES? REALLY???


This is easily the creepiest story in this whole thread. I bet sometimes at night, when you're all alone in your bed, with nothing to protect you, surrounded by nothing but silence and your own thoughts questioning whether you remembered to lock the doors, you can still hear her laugh ... or maybe you can't, and that might be worse...


Yeah, you're pretty much a pussy. I can tell.


On a scale of 1 to 10, how old is your girlfriend?


I shoot down Shrikes before they can run me over, I suggest a different strategy.


Dear America,

Congrats!

Regards,
Rest of the World


It's not a massive deal I just think it's stupid especially since we're a married couple.


I was drunk for like 2 years before anyone even noticed.

Just wore Stetson cologne and said I had a lisp.


You must suck a lot of cock.

EDIT:  It's true, I just got off the phone with psilokan's dad and he said he is the best cocksucker of all time.


alright! Including this one, Reddit is now 1 for 7000 on correct usage of the phrase "like a boss" in a sentence.


I used to take Jedberg's penis lightly, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


be sure to stay until 0:40 where in a display of heroism her friend in the pink thong runs over to save her.


InControl works his ass off to promote esports and EG's sponsors.  There's a reason they have the highest salaries.  He may be wrong about a lot of things, but IMO he has done more for esports than Destiny has.


I think you hit on the actual issue here. Why would big money pharmaceuticals/insurance/privatized medical want your loved one to pass quickly when they can milk the family of all their money? It's absolutely revolting.


The stupidest shit gets upvoted on this sub-reddit.

"Oh look everyone, I turned a minion into a 1/1."

"OMG!! How did you do that? Overpowered!"


This post just made my day, Terry. You just earned even more respect from me, as a man and as a father.

EURO TRAINING, EURO TRAINING...your turn.


This comment should have more upvotes.


As an aquarium enthusiast, I am sorry. That stinks


It is working as a heat sink so that the laptops heat is put mostly into the box so that the fan can dissipate said heat by being a fan. Source: IT in training   *edit: correction


>Always try to be as far right as possible

Dangerous advice when in Germany.


Oh jesus, please ... Keep that fucking bullshit where it belongs, in Internet's toilet : 4CHAN...


Really? I love dogs too, but in a story with the phrase "sodomization of infants" in the plural form even, your main concern is the dog?