> Anyway, I ended up in a section-8 housing development

Now that you're out of business, could you show us this house on Google maps in case a fellow redditor had some shopping needs? I'm sure the guys wouldn't mind some free online propaganda.


excuse me, sir, would you like to have an internet argument about your belief system?


Exactly

Obama gives aid to Gaza.

Obamatards masturbate furiously over their messiah.

Obama gives weapons and money 10 fold to Israel over Gaza.

Obamatards ignore the fact that their messiah is a bitter failure owned by zionist swine.


With respect, fuck your mum.


To the top with you! Diabeetus is funny again!


Oh I'm sorry, I can't hear you FROM THE MOON


It's just that in Europe good food is typical unlike here. We value other things in Europe like drinking coffee with friends regularly and just kicking back. Disposable cups... Nope.


I would vote you up, but I can't seem to find the arrows... All I see is a white H.


Why is he a "criminal" just because some cops are trying to catch him?

Knowing cops, he could easily be innocent.


well, that was a roller coaster of impressed to not impressed, back over to fairly impressed again.


So incredibly ironic that everyone hates crackheads, but pot heads are ok


Agree, Windows 95 was amazing. The person creating the image probably wasn't old enough to use a computer at the time. Going from 3.1 to 95 was.. brilliant. Good times.


Funny thing is im 16 but i just call them kids because they act like them.


I always fidget and play with things in my hands.  Maybe someone is manipulating me too


or you know you could just not have ADD


Again, I'm Welsh, I really wouldn't know. But taking a guess I would say, absolutely without question, yes.


True dat.. fucking rotten sand nigger terrorists.


"But it's not raining, sir."

"Yes, it is."


Really? What they've done with the license is "phenomenal?" I have no words...


I remember being young and wanting glasses. Turns out I needed them anyways and damn does it suck wearing glasses in the rain. Or when it's foggy. Or any time... Ughhhh kids, whyyy??!


You don't see many English majors with jobs, either.

Lifted truck =/= redneck. It's fun as fuck, but your shitty four-banger wouldn't know about that, now would you?


Best last lines of a post ever.


It's funny.  Quit getting butt-hurt because people are making fun of one of the worst Presidential candidates in modern history, by all objective measurable standards.

adviceanimals is a constant current event circlejerk.  And unfortunately for you, Romney being a bit of a cunt is certainly a current event.


Most Jews don't **pay** enough attention to get the joke.


The AWP is the big sniper rifle. . . .
This supreddit used to be dmg and above ....


Thank you for intensifying my fear of centipedes by 300%


Anyone who liberally adorns their sentences with all capitals, numerous 666s and text representation of horns deserves what they get. You're the reason people get embarassed when they mention they like metal.


I think i need to sit down and think about my life


What 'clear' chances were they?


Go to this man's wedding!


I did nazi that coming!


Dad dicks were way bigger in the 90's.


I lost it at "let's get back together and kill the Jews."


Ahh, the wedding day. I remember at least the first half of mine.


That is the same excuses racists use, just admit your a sexist.


I stopped reading after you said "In Primer".


I know it was super shocking when they released material that outlined that a website overwhelmingly used by white middle class people would be most useful for white middle class people.


Things can happen sometimes.  I started Bad Joke Eel through a comment.


Know what's awesome? Casual homophobia. Keep it up, stud.


Take a shotgun and body armor if you decide to go to Flint or Gary.


Yeah objectifying women PWNZ XDDD


Then your hand is wrong.


Before I spent time in Napoli, I might have agreed with you.


That's how the principal is chosen every year.


Seriously, how can you say that after it's been out a week?  For me, as a real fan, it's hard to tell what episode will be the best until you watch it a year or two later.

That list is bullshit in my opinion.


So... you just lift the leg of your pants a few inches?


so now we're at it. this is about your precious ribbons, WillAskUAnything?


You should try sleeping on one of those flights. The Orthodox Jews will pray extremely loudly in the back of the plane during the entire flight and they don't give a damn who is bothered by it!


Or they were changing it to reflect the truth.


The Y axis is not labeled! That graph could mean anything.


Oh. My. God.

The first time I ever got a calf cramp while sleeping was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. One moment I was sound asleep and the next moment I'm fighting for my life with my calf that has just decided it's had enough of me and is doing everything in its power to tear itself off my leg.


You misunderstood my point again! That or you misclicked when you quoted me. It's hard to tell. Most of you guys suck at posting even on the fundamental level.


On my hall at school we watch Mulan over the weekend. After the movie ended, my chinese friend said how that ending would never happen in real life. He said if the movie reflected reality it would have been:

You back as hero of China now?

Come back when you doctor.


Is he the new Ridiculously photogenic..?


Have you seen people drive? they give those fucking things out like condoms at a planned parent hood.


little boy blue go bang your mom...


You either die as the hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.


The irony of you people being angry at nothing. People don't like gg's or KIA. Sucks to be the asshole.


Was he drinking Bud Light, the Official Beer of the NFL™?


And to show off that your knowable knowledge about this one you call, Himmler.


Sounds like an art student.


when you take a normal image and make to look like like a miniture, if you know what I mean.


"Don't say 'doing your wife'...don't say 'doing your wife'.."

Doing your..son?


>Standard feminism: seeks equality in the face of abuses by men.

False.  All feminism is anti-male, anti-family, evil.


We took a break for a few months, but we're back now. It is very difficult to find decent sushi, or any good takeout aside from pizza, on Long Island. Besides, to boycott the restaurant would have effectively been an economic sanction. My son may have supported such a measure, but I'd like to put the war behind us.


I'll call him best in the world when I see him playing like best player in the world again.


She was part of congress


You are high if you think you guys should have gotten 4 goals in the first period.


Poor - Diversity

Rich - Wealth

In between - Fuck off!


UAV is a crutch for poor players.


"If you can't handle me in my post-season collapse, you don't deserve me in my regular season wins."

Edit: Wow!  Gold!  Thanks, [ghost of Don Majkowski!!!](http://www.bloodyloud.com/wp-content/gallery/costacos-brothers/don-majkowski.jpg)

(Fake it 'till you make it, like a debut rap single that's already mostly about spending cash.)


haha. yes. brand new.


So...

Why post it here and not /r/funny


Cool story, bro. Tell it again!


IMMA CUM ALL OVER HER THEN LEAVE. THAT WILL SHOW HER


waahhhhhh wahhhh waaahhhhhh

Edit: too many americans online it seems.( http://www.dailymarkets.com/economy/2012/05/15/gas-prices-around-the-world-relative-to-income-u-s-has-some-of-the-cheapest-gas-in-the-world/ ) but your downvotes only make me stronger.


Poor college freshman, you need a hug, come here.


*tries to resist*

I used to get dual enchantments, but then I took an arrow in the knee.

Damn!


That bite looks like a ballsack


>le Shh, let the children play.

FTFY :D


And the Dark Knight came out in *summer of 2008!*

McCain flip flopping on issues... Two Face?! And Sarah Palin is almost a dead ringer for the Joker! Hollywood is brainwashing us all!

EDIT: Holy crap, [someone has actually done that picture? Dang.](http://i.imgur.com/ng6GF.jpg)


>I don't follow starcraft at all

Then your opinion doesn't count for shit. I'm not defending Destiny because he is a douchebag in this situation, but don't talk like you know the guy.


If you stole test answers, would you be a Hamburglar?


Yeah but remarks dont hurt anything

Tell him to fuck off yeah

but it isnt "sexual harassment"

He was TRYING to give a compliment (not a good one especially when you are a fat ass) but well yeah


It's not horrible at first, but it gets old REAL fast.


You're pretty trusting... You know, if you look up, you can see gullible written on the ceiling.


Came for the buzzkill. Satisfied!


>The report says that they weren't kicked out for being white. They were kicked out because they weren't victims of racism and they were there to report on it.

"When asked about Hewitt and Knope’s incident, Tanveer confirmed they couldn’t attend the meeting because they were white." Did you even read the article ?


I make the internet work you plebe.


EVE is a spreadsheet program themed as a space opera.  Occasionally someone makes a mistake and clears a column.


I'm a 42 year-old man with a job, a house, and am the father of two. No neckbeard on me, friend!

http://imgur.com/n2E2mpR.gif


I guess if you squint your ears and concentrate reeeaalllllyyy hard, urine sort of sounds like adenosine tri-phosphate nucleic acids.

Sort of.


It's a body part boys shouldn't know about when they're young. Telling them girls have a vagina too early is a pretty bad thing.


Nine months from now ;)


Perhaps the money they were given did not sufficiently cover salaries.


"Thank god I have 2 poptarts to keep me from going on a murderous rampage."

*Opens package*


You need to make a post to let people know you didn't create anything here.  It's embarrassing that so many people think you did.


You did such a great job that I actually believed your coworker wore costumes all the time.

Wow!


You can find it quoted both ways.

Clinch would be grammatically correct, but there's not really a joke with that wording, and it makes less sense as a reason why Stacy would break up with him.

Here's the clip:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H30moE-Gjcg


you've just delayed half-life 3 another day. thanks.


lol, says disgusting people. "dey evrywhre, aint nuffin i can do, hey move that old open cheese pouch from a kraft dinner and hand me the half eaten roll under it will ya?"


    LOTR: RETURN OF THE TOLD

    THE MATRIX: RETOLDED

    THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE TOLD.


It sucks at first, but carbonite fixed gears are amazing.


I know he doesn't have to. But if he don't want to, he should stop saying that he want to do it but is to busy to do it,

If he want to do it, he should do it.


Imagine getting *Barely Legal* and  *Hymen Big Trouble* at the same time!


That's about right.

But its very general, you could say that about most of reddit.


And a hallelujah to those whose asses are fine.


Doesn't surprise me, what with the school system we have here.  Hell, most high school graduates can't even place America on a world map.

The other day I had a 35 year old woman asking me what b.c. / a.d. meant.  'Murica.


I waffle a lot on whether the ability to change things on a whim like this helps or hurts the craft of filmmaking. There is a lot of the director's and cinematographer's art being lost when they don't have to work to find the perfect shot.

On the other hand, who gives a shit. It's just background nonsense that I wouldn't have noticed anyway.


Pictures of naked chicks is never going to be illegal.

And if it becomes illegal, we should burn down Washington again.

The largest battle we're facing is people's incomprehensible perceptions of some privacy they think they are due but are not.

Once people realize they have no expectation of privacy, we can get beyond this.


then you should have sex with me, pain will not be a problem I gaur run tea it.


not sure why you are downvoted, but here, have my measly upvote.


No, by that logic revolutions will never happen in the modern consumerist world


Why the fuck do you sign your name to every post you make? I don't give a shit how old you are, that shit's pretentious and annoying.
Go play cribbage, Gramps.


Oh I would literally call them out loudly and point to the back of the line, I'm THAT british guy. I'm also quite short. These are two unconnected things.


GAGA MAMY why DADA PUT his SnakE ON My VAGINIA!!!! GOO GAH goo I wana pwuay owieee!!!!!!!


Need 4 Sleep 2: Underground


I have a hard time believing that rifle is not an automatic. Since you're so clearly an expert, could you tell us what model of firearm it is to rid us of all doubt?


You know, the Santas! The Santas come and give me gifts and then they go cheer up my mother upstairs.


My hierarchy of needs. My mind, my body, social life, fun.  I usually work out before I game. It takes me 30 minutes only


You're still an idiot.


How'd you dial the phone with broken arms?


plot twist:
they are both OP's cars and the one on the right doesn't run, so he just buried it and is now cashing in on the karma.


ITT a bunch of neckbeards who don't know what high fashion is.


No, PETA should not meet him.


you forgot otherkin, you bigoted fuck


one time i held the door open for an older man and he just looked at me and said "men don't hold doors for other men," and used the other door.


It's a joke about her getting raped, and then you say that this makes her a porn star.  Classy.


You can deauthenticate and change the password. Easy fix.


I love this fucking pic and I haven't seen a repost since I saved it a few months back. I was drinking and thought it would be a good idea. It makes as much sense as some guy going through the trouble of putting it through karma decay. 300+ upvotes so that's how many ppl saw it for the first time.


A plastic bag? Doesn't anyone on reddit just jerk off with their hand, finish in a tissue, and throw it away?


If you're female, can I get your phone number?

Because if you think that fucked up aspect ratio "looks awesome", you must have very low standards.


Hate to break it to ya, but you're an octopus, which is a dealbreaker in and of itself.


Le yes, op is always le faggot, xD

Seriously, this isn't 4chan. Stop acting like it is.


He fit in so well he turned into a car. Amazing man.


Yeah, I should have realized that Reddit wasn't funny :)


Bitch too lumpy though.


> I'm on my mom's policy.

lol


If you put up a sign saying they're for sale, they'll all be stolen in ten minutes.


I didn't make any distinctions, I said all males oppress women and I stand by that statement, even those who claim to be feminists.


ur mum's full-lol material m8


Monreal literally tugs on the ref's shoulder with a similar amount of force in the same gif.

http://streamable.com/acd6


┈┈┈┈┈┈┈......▂▂

▂▂▂▂▂**-┈▕▂▂▂▏

▉▉▉▉::┈┈┈▕▂▂▂▏

▉▉▉▉▉┈┈┈..

▔▔▔▔▔▔╲▂▕▂▂▂I


I understand. I can tell you that this took many episodes of Radiolab to make. I didn't know when I started that I was going to be so happy with the result.


I give that joke a C++.


http://i.imgur.com/j83fV.jpg Hahaha.

Ok hate to bust up the party, but OP is my friend Marcus. We had a little bet over how easy it was to troll you guys and I gave him 3 hours to get 300 upvotes. He told me he would pretend to be a chick, but didn't tell me what he planned. He's now sitting over 400. I owe him a case of Guinness.


TMPF: today my parents fucked


Hey, girl was my age. I've every right to *chikopek* on her.


I'm in my thirties so obviously I now understand that it means "established", but I think when I was about ten or so, I thought it meant "estimated". Like it was their best guess as to when it was founded.


We do not want you here.


"In other news... everyone everywhere else is reasonably calm and happy."


Another of those 'thank you posts'.

Added nothing to the discussion. *Check*.

Downvoted. *Check*.


Hector's Rectum is real!


I don't know which is worse. Centigrade or being a total fucking dumbass and lying to his cousin.


Really. If there was that much blood coming out from down there, I would assume I was either dying or having a miscarriage.


So why wouldn't you have left a note saying "I left at this time and you were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you?"

If I pulled a crazy long shift and went for a nap, I would be pretty pissed if anybody woke me up for anything less than an emergency.


boring answer, but you said it.  The beetlejuice thing was the height of ridiculous insideness.  Props to Megan Ganz, her idea.  The runner-up would be Abed delivering the baby in the background.  Good job, Hilary Winston!


Lol, Buttcoin user. Should have known. What a waste of time this was.


Oh my grandmother TOTALLY took her wig off when she was drunk. She also only had one boob because of cancer and I never knew her when she had two. So one day I asked why she was short one tit and she tells me that she went to live with the amazons for a year and they made her cut one off so she could properly hunt with a bow and arrow.

I believed her until I was twelve.


I totally agree with you.


You have shitty friends and siblings.


HI WEDDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN YOU TWANSLATE DIS INTO BABBY TALK CAWSE I NO UNDASTAND IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


You should go back to Dota. Superior game.

EDIT: enjoy your dying game downvoters! deadest game in esports next to hon :)


Your needs are part of the patriarchy.


I'm sure his employees will love making zero dollars now that theyve all been let go after the business was closed.  They'll really be enjoying that pay raise of -$10.75 an hour.


She wouldn't let me buy GTA Vice City, which came out like, a month later. She did buy me Morrowind, though. Good parenting right there.

Before christmas, my dad had a vasectomy. I don't think it was surgical.


"Principals" go to school. If you're too fucking dumb to know the difference between principles and principals, [it's no wonder you worship feminism as it emasculates you from the balls up.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5OdQGbVNa4)


How did you not fucking put 2 and 2 together? Jesus christ.


ERXERCLER WHERT WERS ERN MAH MAHND.


I was wondering that when I saw the post. It's so much cooler inflating anyways I don't get why they reversed it


what an intelligent response.


Gentleman's Relish...adding that to my list of fav cum phrases


What about religious aspects of government buildings such as statues of angels or biblical art? Is that illegal too? Are we just going to remove everything that has historical value from public places because we are just a bunch of dicks who can't grow a pair and appreciate heritage?


reminds of that time that one d


Someones got to appreciate me.... :'(


I had a friend who invented a fictional twin sister who was wheelchair bound and then she had a fundraiser for her fake twin sister. Then she went and lied herself into a job at a film studio. I think she was a pathological liar.

True story.


First off, calm your tits. Actually, that's it.


Only if he's attractive though. If he's not then its just creepy and weird.

Source: personal experience :(


So you're openly insulting the ones who participated in order to white-knight the boring ones?


He doesn't know how to use the 3 seashells

Edit: Wow Thanks for the gold!


Oh shit hold on let me go get a signed certificate of bullshit complete with a wax sealed embroidered envelope from her just so you don't try to insult me.

The irony is that you're the asshat making assumptions, which of us is on her list to see Her cringey posts every day?


"I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!"

"You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?"


Why don't you just rob people with a gun.

Would be a lot more manly, you fucking faggot. I hope your kid dies in at a Batman movie and then a fire breaks out.


They'll probably find you cute and get *HUGZ*


I agree. Shit, I'd even spend real money to unlock them all.


"You have cans, sir."

*Doctor proceeds to plow transsexual patient.*


yeah, well, this isn't.

you should learn to get over things.

- pacifier gettin' taken away

- diapers no longer changed for you

- mommy no longer payin the heatin bill

by the way, nice downvote! holy shit, that takes skill, dude.


Is that why they call him "El BJ"?


Hope you feel better, good to see your brother is such a gentle soul. You have wonderful family.


It's ridiculous how error-riddled that movie is. Just a few from off the top of my head:

1. Bruce Will is still alive.
2. He is in no way related to Liv Tyler.
3. Ben Affleck  is called A.J. Frost, but that is not Ben Affleck's name. Ben Affleck's name is Ben Affleck.
4. In the movie, Liv Tyler loves Ben Affleck, but in actuality, she merely has a non-romantic professional respect for him.


I don't consider money to be a physical possession. Once you start working you looks at money differently. But OP could just use public transport idk


Well, in her defense, it boosted company morale*.


Don't know why you got shat on with downvotes he pretty clearly looks spaced out or some shit. I think he's looking at the bench for some reason instead of just recognizing the situation.


Lol I did not steal your joke, I said this mid game on the analyst desk as well. I commend you though, great minds think alike and all that.


I'm not here to play games with you, moron. I've exposed your failure, now you can go fuck yourself.


If they're decimated you've still got 90 to go.


Less to do with that, and more to do with the fact that cartoony games sell better. They look far more purchasable by parents & grandparents. ... On top of that saying "polygon count" is very wrong, polygons do NOT matter once things are actually in-game, tricount matters, but certainly not polygon.


so basically any high school girl?


pot, meet kettle. Oh it's black you say?


Shit parent, rude, violent *and* a racist. Quality human being right there.


I love it when private school kids compare their education to public school kids, when they use the same books and their teachers are less credentialed.

you...you just sound brain washed. it was a freakin middle school man...


Calypso hurricane sounds like a delicious fruity beverage.


>GET 1 DOWNVOTE FOR FREE

You've earned it, friend.

Next time try being less of a stupid cunt and try being more like YouStupidCunt.

Edit: It appears I fell for your comment bait-and-switch. Well played, troll...well played, indeed.


cocka-cocka-cocka (claps)


seriously stop downvoting me


In Australia all prices have "unit pricing" by law, which tells you how much everything is by the ml/kg, so you know if the jumbo is better value immediately

**EDIT I GET IT AMERICA HAS UNIT PRICING TOO BUT IT SUCKS,  roughly your entire population has replied the very same thing.  Maybe the problem is not your stores but your laziness to not fucking read anything!**


Murder is humane as oppose to natural death?


They find someone or something (government, minorities, parents, etc) to blame for their not reaching a full potential and become very angry and bitter


as long as everyone is having fun - I'm all for it


As a pothead/stoner, this is the most cruel/unusual.


assholes. I was gonna donate for the flood relief but now that they re suporting terrorists fuck that


>doesn't look at porn

lol


I think it was a joke, and you're thinking too much into it lmao


I think it's about time that MM gets the attention it deserves. People want to play like the pro's play. And that means:
128 tick!!!!
35 sec bomb timer
1.45 round time.

 Anything else is nonsense !


^^ This needs more upvotes


>"What, you are not going to fight to keep me?"

hahahahah This lady is setting herself up for a lifetime of disappointment.


Maybe she died because of that stupid name spelling you gave that first one


On the other hand, this is sort of similar to how an insect's mouthparts work. Maybe E. L. James is an unusually literate colony of ants?


> We're going to need a follow-up saying that the dog was ok...

Dog was never wearing shoes to begin with, so it could not lose its shoes. Therefore, it's impossible to tell if it lived or died.


>I do not have a penis and am unfamiliar with using one

Why is this so humorous?


Lol you're the one who crashed while high!! Can't speak for the rest of us man.


real estate is rebounding very fast, people that are in the house flipping business are doing very well.


Bullshit. You claim to be a SEAL and you wouldn't mind having a faggot SEAL member? Troll. Troll. Troll.


The 3 eldest wives hate 4th one which is my fathers favorite. Shes the youngest and he spends most of his time with her.


Well, to be fair, that IS the proper reaction to anyone who still uses the word "Toon". Its 2015, for christs sake. Get with the times.


has to compensate for driving a hybrid


you guys are both fucking stupid.


Had bedbugs.  You couldn't pay me any amount of money that would make me want to visit lots of hotels and risk getting them again.  The bites are itchy as fuck.


Not one bit of that story is interesting.


ARE YOU FUCKING THANKFUL!?


No offense and a bit off topic but your username reminds me of the annoying facebook couples that have a joint facebook account. /rant


Just like Jesus' parents did.


Do yourself a favor and learn how to spell "more" in a way that doesn't make you look like a nerdy virgin :D have a great day


It's like slut shaming but with *fewer* teeth.

Edit: Weird Al has made me fewer of a man.


It's almost like people are people, no matter their color.


Don't you mean the wrong friends?

*Edit: Okay :(  I guess I'm abnormal for not wanting friends who snort coke off other people's genitals.


"ERND ERF U WERV ERT LERK A FERN, U BERCERM ERN ERBERNDER!"


EDIT II: Double shitting! I didn't expect this to explode...


In other words, if you want to be in a relationship, give in to peer pressure.


A camping, paint-balling trip might be in order!  I think I could arrange that with some of my friends.  Thanks for the idea!


You mean, thanks for posting it as an image to guarentee more karma, then linking the source.


A douche bag meter would be off the charts.


TIL I lost my virginity only 12 months later than Kayden Kross did. I'll chalk that up as a [victory!](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tkWGrvZrNkQ/TyTQarxbzhI/AAAAAAAAAEI/J6z7M_YVLXg/s1600/JohnnyDramaVictory.jpg)


Well, that escalated quickly...


You could not be more right, write a book.


>  Alan Dershowitz is full of shit when he goes on CNN denying he had sex with her.

Hypothetically, did you expect him to go on national TV and basically say, "Yes, I did it" before the trial started?


you're a motherfucker


Yeah that's what I was thinking. At first I was like, "awesome! This hot girl is really interested!"

Then it shifted to, "What the hell happened to this super-attractive girl to make her feel so insecure?"

Then the inevitable, "This bitch is a psycho, why did I give her my number."


Maybe because there wasn't an entire movement created based around hating men in games?


How blind I have been all this time... All those holding a door open for me... Those people won all the time...


Republicans suck, Democrats suck. Neither work for the commoner. Do not kid yourself. Democrats might be the lesser of two evils, but they are still bad fucking news. The entire 2 party system is a joke.


or multiple flashes for red-eye reduction setting was on


LOL looks like the SRS upvote brigade finally came to save your ass.


"Have you seen my tits?"
"No."
"Joe, you know I can't go to dinner without my titties!"


you mean try to be funny.


Whats your steam account?


everyone keeps saying that, try to be original


I think the point is quite the opposite actually. Women will continue to voluntarily have genital piercings, and the government will continue to use those piercings as evidence of a massive epidemic of female genital mutilation. Hm, I wonder what sort of policies they might cook up in order to put a stop to the horror!


Shit happens, a yuppie walks in to the wrong bar bad talking Harley's cause he can't afford one sometimes the trip and hurt themselves


This is like the webmd of Reddit


Create as many scenarios as you need.


That was a really risky gif to click on


You shouldn't be feeding someone else's cat, I wouldn't be happy if someone else was feeding my cat. For all you know the cat may have some dietary requirements or it may be at a new home and hasn't settled in just yet. Put a note around it's neck with your phone number.


Sounds like you were better off for a week and a half.


break into the morgue and suck her dick


Heart attack without knowing, baby you willingly have 9 months to plan for... one of those sounds like a more legitimate reason to get paid family leave...


I'm afraid this is not a cut and dry study, and reddit is not one person. The teenagers from r/trees however, seem to have some rustled jimmies.


Yea, it's only the rebels that are killing people. Glorious Ukrainian army and "Not Nazi" brigades are just saints.


I know I'm doing my part!


You must live under a rock if you've never seen this kind of hyperbole before.

No one ever says that bullshit.


Yes the league community is toxic, but in my experience the subreddit is actually far less toxic.


actually i was browsing r/all...

nice try fanboy.


Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.


Where's Shitty_Watercolor when you need him!?


What did I just *write*?


Lol, okay dude. Go on, think it's acceptable to physically assault someone for stealing $2. You will land your ass in jail.


23

Well, two and a half.


Oh you were being sarcastic....  I think he really should be ashamed.  This sculpture blows Negro penis


Commas are the difference between advertisements and slavery.


Not exactly good, no matter how idiotic an opinion is it should still be judged as that's what a democratic country is for.


were you on a date with ALF?


how's she even a threat? just don't watch her videos


It really doesn't.  My friend's little sister (11) "accidently" ran her hands across my ding dong when I told her she left her phone on the couch next to me.  I'm 29 and that shit felt so uncomfortable. All she did was laugh and watched my little pony on her iPad.


Say your girlfriend was really, really, really, really into cheerleading in high school. Say she talks about it a lot. Say she talked about it a lot before you started dating her. Say she *still* talks about it. Would you recognize that this was just a part of her, or would you ask her to stop talking about her cheerleading?


goddamnit I hate you guys.


>implying karma has a purpose


This is a super creepy question.


Oh that's so unfair isn't it. We should kill her, sell off all the businesses, sack the thousands of wage earners and share the cash amongst ourselves.


You sick freak, we have standards here!


"The only winning move is not to play" - Wargames


>Fedora in name

>tits

>didn't "m'lady"

>didn't tip

0/10 learn your goddamn trade


I don't even know who she is.

Nor do I give a flying fuck.


And if he later gets a goldfish they can flush this franchise down the drain.


lol such a bastion of reason and logic


I can see where you'd think so. Nope. This is a child who manages to have _pants_ in the lost and found at school. How the fuck do you come home without pants?


What the fuck is this?

Youtube-esque misplaced anger?


I don't have a source except I keep thinking of things to say, so far.  I don't really relate to the idea of "unacceptable".  comedy is talking about anything.  So... I do that.


Why? What are they doing that's wronging you? I know they're fucked up and mistreat their members. But why do people hate them so much


Of course it's fake. Anyone who's had a girlfriend before knows they'd be able to talk out of this situation. Since OP has never had a gf, he doesn't understand how relationships work yet.


I like how you patronized him at the end. Well done.


To 4chan?  Now I just think you're a masochist lol

I bet it cost a lot to purchase a wheelbarrow large enough to carry your gigantic balls


HEY! Quit grabbing Emma's tits!

They belong to me!


"What is one policy you would like to enact that nobody is talking about?"


That escalated quickly


What the shit are you..?


>fuck face

For pointing out something simple and obvious.

Did you also mention that this is the reason you never made it out of the kitchen  (your quick and irrational anger)? Lol good luck with everything.


You only live

    once    once    once    once    once    once    once    once
    once   once   once   once   once   once   once   once
    once once once once once once
    onceonceonceonceonce

***DROP***

ONCE^Z^Z^Z^Z^U^U^U

**WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB**


i've driven on most 8 different drugs that I've done... and I can say that drunk is the easiest next to high on weed. Try driving on DXM.


"Get crucified, probably."


The use of the term "white trash" is racist.  To figure out why, consider the lack of the term "black trash".

(Hint:  Try organizing the following terms hierarchically*:  white trash, white person, black person.)

*˙ʇs!ɔɐɹ ɐ әq ʎɐɯ noʎ 'uɐɔ noʎ ɟ!


Here I was thinking they were announcing that they were under pressure.


Fucking cry about it you faggot.


Tiiiiiiiiilessss

Moooooorreeee

Deetailssssssss


I find the whole "we don't pay our employees enough so uh... you give them some money" thing bullshit, so I never tip.


Oh dude did you hear the soccer score?

England 8.

Ethiopia didn't.


I hope that money will go towards rockets and bombs so that we can finally kick Israelis out of the holy land once and for all.  They don't deserve all the protection the US gives them anyway, they don't even belong there but just played victim to "persecution" to get their way


Proof:

[Posted for my 2 year cake day, didn't get karma. :(](http://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/tq4uu/got_this_for_my_birthday_as_my_splurge_money_on/)


I some circles, giving Jesus is no form of currency.  You'd have to give something else.  Perhaps...YOUR SOUL!!  Mwahahahahaha!!!


Don't blame the defense lawyer, blame the prosecution. Or even better, blame the architects of a criminal justice system that cares more about strategic advantages and numbers than about uncovering the truth.


Just buy a fucking xbox, you poor faggot.


let him know that hundreds of people have probably now said his name out loud


lol what a noob right?!


Talk about getting rock hard


Actually, [this](http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/q3i2j/the_keys_are_in_the_bag_the_zipper_is_in_the_car/c3uf5ml) was the top comment when I submitted it.

I actually searched for "keyless" in the comments before submitting and none of the comments had more than two votes.


Rumor has it these were discontinued because the employees wouldn't stop eating them and stores were losing money. I guess they really were that good, but they were before my time as an employee and customer.


GAGA MAMY why DADA PUT his SnakE ON My VAGINIA!!!! GOO GAH goo I wana pwuay owieee!!!!!!!


"Guess who is dying for you to come to his wake????"


Spat is for past tense. e.g I spat in the face of the opposition player last weekend. I spit in the face of the opposition player last weekend. What do you think sounds correct? 3rd grade stuff buddy


When I get real invites, I respond.  However, as a 30-something female, I outright ignore the constant stream of invites from people to in-home sales parties.  If we're not good enough friends for you to invite me out for coffee, don't invite me over to buy Thirty-One, Lia Sophia, Norwex, etc. etc. etc.  I'm over it.


So is Jigglypuff a she or an it??? You used both. And to clarify, smash Jigglypuff is female, look at all the alt costumes. So go on and change all the "its" to her and she.


Yes, it's very much a minority thing.  Anytime you feel outnumbered, I think people tend to associate more with the rest of their minority.


What's funny about that is that women are not allowed to be SEALs or Green Berets. So yeah, your ignorance is shining through. That aside, they're still not branches of the military. They're special forces within branches, and they're occupations.


Well I guess I'll have to adjust my retirement plan then.


None if that the hole was leveled to our heads...we couldn't see inside so she took a pic with flash to see inside....like I said I was about 30ft away around another tomb and I heard the pop and nothing fell near me...the tomb wasn't shitty enough to fall apart...and she didn't lean on anything


Haha, better than my school. We used rusty stakes we pulled out of a nearby yard to play Warrior Cats in 4th grade.

I have no idea how it's relevant, but it is.


looks alot like the same guy, his hair and neck are almost exactly the same


How do you wash your abs then?


came here to upvote whoever beat me to the punch :)


last week while downtown DC, a bum asked me for a smoke as i was walking to get a sandwich.  i told him to pickup 10 pieces of trash and meet me at a dumpster on my way back and ide give him one... sure enough, he picked up trash and i even gave him a extra cig.


Mothers are clearly more important than fathers, all they're good for is money.


I would love to dance with Ellen!!


Do you even watch football?


cuz he ain't got nobody, to listen^tolisten^tolisten^tolisten


Actually, ridiculous anti-PC misogynists, racists, and other conservatives and dickheads are why SRS exists.


What the fucking fuck...


what was the subject? because failing someone for plagiarising 3 homeworks seems really harsh and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work here in austria.

Edit: to be clear, I'm not talking about higher educational levels. I doubt a parent would come complain about something their child did in their masters thesis, so cut down the downvotes.


For a good time call 0118 999 881 999 119 725........3


All aboard the downvote train!


I think you mean a lot of taxi drivers are Muslim.


Actually they do that to prolong the sterility of their hands


No need to get so bent out of shape.


Yeah, and it's way less patronising lol.


Clicked the r/bestof link expecting a story about the extraordinary itchiness that comes with the hair growing back, stubble horror, ashamed changing in the locker room, etc.  Received a mental image of one of the guys from the Jersey Shore getting a money shot.  I'm appalled, but strangely entertained, and probably slightly more homosexual for having read that...


She gave permission when she bought her ticket.


What do you mean? Why would Sasquatch be wearing a suit?


I said "appears to be", not "is". She looks to young to be a whore if you ask me. <Downvotes to the left.


Because he's that good and he doesn't care.


Who's whining? I'm laughing!


Or it could be a cop that was justified in both situations.


Have fun getting ass-raped by Seattle, fuckass


would you say that secret was unbearable?


But of course the humorless wikifucks will lock down edits on that page.

I'd rather every page be a constant battle than to have some be dull, tepid pools of 'approved-only' editing.


I plan to stay involved, but not running for Congress, or the Senate. I think both jobs are judged by how much bacon you bring home, and I refuse to be a part of that.


I am still dealing with the backlash. They banned me, then expected me to give up apparently. I am now responding to every comment that I feel deserves a response


And all the birds in general are known as peafowl.

EDIT: and the babies are peachicks.


dude, that literally is just your opinion and not an actual fact. stop with the whole "obama criticizers?! on my reddit?? dats wacist!" bullshit please. its really ruining the fun that is r/politics.
if u don't have anything real to say, then just dont say anything at all.


30secondmale.com is a little more believable.


You should probably stop guessing since you don't actually know anything. If its like that right now because 343i wants people to find games as fast as possible then fine, they can tell us. They don't need you making baseless assumptions.


Hmmm... the thought bears merit.


"Games can't be distilled into a number rating!"

"People should read/watch the entire review!"

"Giving a final review score is worthless!"

*Mfw this is the top voted comment.*


Your desktop is blank?


This is how rape culture in instilled even in our children.  Disgusting.


I love you.

I'm not a girl though.

And I don't really love you.

Sorry.


Fucking niggars can works the fields they can take a few slurs with the rest of us. You're such a white knight


Ahahaha! Cant believe you burned it. Fuck putting it in a garbage bag, fuck simply hiding it in your house. Nope, gotta burn it


Since when is it ok to start calling 13 year olds gorgeous? (it's not and I dare you neckbeards attempt that outside of your computer screen)   What the fuck is wrong with *you*. pedos.


he would probably mistake it for canned whipped cream


Because I need that space in my carry-on for more important shit than a fucking WII U? Who the fuck is carrying an entire console on the plane with them?


Relevant relevance is relevant.


thank you!

to pull this hack off you would need to send a email or trick the owner of the site to visit a link while they is logged into their opencart admin.

it not easy to do this!

but still this sort of thing can be prevented by renaming the admin like prestashop does.


Holy hell. I'm so sorry man.


You still don't seem to understand the concept of what a PC is. Lol, shit, you are fucking stupid.


> Unless she's really picky e.g. gluten free, vegetarian, peanuts

I hate it when my girlfriend is peanuts.


It's not even CLOSE to their entire job. It's a small part of what they do. Educate yourself.


Must have been a virgin nose.


> It's idiots like her who give Quebecers a bad name.

You are implying that Quebecers have a bad name.


Seriously. Every fuckin drooly mouth jabroni runs his fuckin mouth about how people from Philly are a violent bunch of foul mouthed, idiotic shitheads. I got news for ya, cocksucker: were not all a bunch of goddamn hotheaded sons of bitches, and I'll beat the ever loving shit out of anyone who disagrees.


This comment needs more views.


That's why he knew the shoes were knockoffs.  A straight guy wouldn't know that.

Source: Legally Blonde


You don't think a DUI destroys a family as well?


I touched my dog with a cold soda can on his nearly hairless inner thigh. he yelped and bolted. he was scared of all glasses, cups and bottles.

he's not scared any more... he was hit by a car and died. I miss Oreo the black and white border collie.


we had never discussed these things before...i didn't tell her what to say. i asked her what she thought. i was quite impressed.


I did this once. My spanish teacher said we couldnt hold our papers when we did our oral presentation, so i decided to be a smart ass and stapled it my forearm. She let me read off it too since i technically was still following the rules.


Honestly, who cares? Its some dumb paki lady in some shit-hole country half a world away. If it wasn't posted on reddit you would have never known and gone on with your life like normal. Those people over there are uncivilized animals, let them kill each other if they want, its no loss to anyone.


You're suggesting we will progress better with intolerance.


You and whoever modded you up have mental issues.


"Dad, I'm really interested in the stock market. I know you're planning on getting me a Nintendo, but instead, I want to sit down and pick out some stocks to save up. Will you help me understand them? Spend some time with me and teach me stuff? Oh, and maybe you can tell grandma to get me these instead of a useless savings bond."


irl and on Facebook and other social media :)


"Sell not virtue to purchase wealth, nor Liberty to purchase power." B.F.


It's funny when people have different opinions and other don't agree.


"I mean we don't have an open relationship or anything unless you count that time I had Bruce Campbell bang my wife."


yeah I did about the golden freddy theories of whether the animatrons are possessed by the ghosts of children etc. etc. its a back story not lore.

Soap Opera's dont have lore, they have stories.


╔══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╗

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Upvote this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

~ ~ you are a beautiful strong laundry basket ~ ~

~ ~ ~ ~ who don’t need no piece of bread ~ ~ ~ ~

╚══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╝


shit to say.  you've not responded substantively.  you might as well make irrelevant 'yo momma' jokes.  can't say nothing anyhow, so far...


I normally love me some food but these Pringles I got earlier, there's only three in the tube and they're all tennis ball flavour.


You do not speak on behalf of the Reddit community.


I now understand male homosexuality completely.


Them silly niggers get butthurt at the joke.


BMW knows how people drive their cars


<3

Me stealing them was more or less conjecture, and that one guy trying to connect the dots real hard and saying i had multiple reddit accounts or something.

All i did was exported a copy to my own google docs, and started tossing them out, be mad all you want honestly.


No, Hulk simply smash into Mordor


Wat?

Ah. It's reddit women hate or whatever. Have fun hating what you perceive as feminism.


Why would a company *pay* someone to do that?


lol one of those is my other account


>over a year and a half of in game time

You just sit there for a second and think about how you've spent more than TWELVE THOUSAND HOURS playing halo 3,


This needs more downvotes.


You might end up dead after herd immunity is compromised.


If the definition of talent is singing like a man, why don't we just have male singers?


RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Funny joke from grandma


Except for this year.


'tickles my tits' is my new favorite ladyboner euphemism. Thanks!


Yup, and I love it.

Edit: Hahahaha the Kings downvote brigade is here. Just remember that my above post was +15 before you came.


I have not personally hired any sketchy people (that I'm aware off). My unscientific opinion is that many fast food employees are either young college and high school students, or people that can't find better work. What kind of people can't find better work? Apparently people who look sketchy!


Identifying as a Steelers fan, you think it might be Bruce Irvin.  How fucking much did your mom drink with you in the womb?


Did your dad own a CD factory?


so go to Africa and fuck some boys. you aren't a politician so who cares


Nope, it was constant teasing from his heart.


It's not really just the AP thing, but it's part and parcel with the college culture leaking into high school curricula (which is already broken).  Conservatives care about this because they rightfully see public schools as places of leaning and not indoctrination, even if they tend to overplay this hand on occasion.


In chinese they are called "avoid person pill"

Edit: it's avoid pregnancy pill.  Person and pregnancy just sound similar in Cantonese.


Actually, all anti depressants are bullshit. You can achieve the same thing through meditation and mindfulness, except you don't need to pay out of your ass for a medication you're going to be on for the rest of your life.


No. It is not and antiquated use of a word, it is the meaning of the word. You cant just go change the meaning of a word because you don't like it.


I'd applause too if I weren't busy holding these onions


I am not trying to be anyone's solution. Your choices are your responsibility.

Tell you what, you get in your car, go get some frozen heavy cream infused with three types of sugar and vegetable oil, that's then dipped in more sugar. I'll eat my apple and go for a run. We'll see who feels better later.


If he gets arrested, and your parents cut you off, you can prove in court in a civil case that his blackmail caused you financial harm. Ask a lawyer, but you might be able to get financial damages awarded to you.


ANSWER THIS!

I hear everyone seems to think Vick is a great person now, how do his team mates feel knowing he's an animal abusing sociopath that got a slap on the wrist?
(he's a big reason i boycott anything eagles/NFL related)


THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD IS RIDIKOLUS.


I can't wait until this saying dies off


What? They seriously almost fired you for what was a slow day *for the entire city?* Fuck them.


That's a pretty bold lie.


well done sir, I propose a toast to you


When there are Russian tanks in Ukraine, you will know, because there will be thousands. Russians aren't really known for taking it piecemeal in warfare.

This smells like a prop, and the story is a little too convenient. "Oh, yeah, we just captured this tank while its crew, trained to live in tanks, was relaxing in a nearby building. No casualties! We're just ninjas like that!"


This is my favorite thing at McDonald's. Fuck.


I'm a woman and: yes.
Come on, what do men ever do otherwise? At least they think you're worth looking! That must count for something in days of any hardcore porn being just one mouse click away...

Besides, it's a difference if someone in the office is casually glancing or if someone stands in front of you, hands in pockets, drooling... (exaggerated but I hope you get the point)


Just your friendly neighborhood 1% Redditor...


I wrote it while I was shitting.

Berating people while I'm pooping is a hobby of mine.


I hate when people act like I was flirting with them when I was only trying to discuss something. Especially if they initiated the conversation.

"Sorry, you're not my type. You're kind of ugly."

"Um, whatever, but I still need you to ring up these groceries."


They have light flexible bones, which are less prone to breaking. I'm not sure what you are trying to say.


I consider that movie flawless. It's like the Miyazaki tier of Miyazaki, if that makes sense. If I was teaching a class on storytelling (encompassing ALL storytelling--books, movies, television, comics **edit:video games. etc**), Spirited Away would be 33% of the course.


Caffeine is a drug?!  Holy shit, someone call Nancy Grace.


... That was your probem with 2012?!


I used to post predictable gifs everywhere, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I sort of agree, but on the other hand it was a real "oh shit..." moment when I saw the tanks and then tracked my eye left to see if HE was there.

Like discovering something new.


**GREAT POST AS ALWAYS BIGDOG, I WISH I COULD TRY THIS BELT THING MYSELF BUT ITS JUST A CHOKING HAZARD FOR ME, WAHHHHHHH WAHHHHHHH, AT LEAST I CAN BUCKLE UP TO RIDE THIS KARMAWAVE**


It's funny that all these die-hard Simpsons fans assume you'll get every single Simpsons reference they can dig up.


Obviously physical touching is wrong when you don't want it, but what type of verbal harassment are you talking about?

There is a huge difference between rape and acknowledging an attractive woman.

There are plenty of girls and guys that like being acknowledged so it can be tough sometimes for us non-mindreaders to know what others like.


Seriously. Before the B-2 bomber was shown to the public, triangle-shaped UFO sightings were extremely common. That particular design had been worked on for at least a decade, maybe two, and it's well known that the Nazis were prototyping the flying wing design before the war ended. Seeing something you don't understand does not mean that it does not have a rational basis.


I can bludgeon a man with a lamp, but I wouldn't give it the same classification as my gun.

edit: What a bunch of insecure children you all are.  A Toyota is a machine that can play music, but no one would call it a music player.  A PC is not always a "gaming machine" but an Xbox **always** is.


Oh the humanity! [Ahhhhhh!](http://i.imgur.com/aAb2w.jpg)


What? Do you know how many husbands kill their wives every day? Or how many other cases of domestic violence murders there are? You think they're all on CNN? They'd have to dedicate a daily show to it.

You're deluded by your preconceived notions of nobody caring about men.


Got shafted on that agreement.


It won't work. Your political career would be doomed if you repealed animal cruelty laws.


11 or 10 years old when shaved


I used to get twice as much pussy as you, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


But what about if you're going for the no shower world record?


You mean she's upset about losing a former police officer and close family friend after finally making her peace with him? No. Freaking. Way.


Let's just have the whole recipe.


Ya, sometimes things can be solved without violence.


My rule when it comes to up-voting reposts is:

If I laugh again, I Upvote

If I groan or complain, I downvote.

The fact of the matter is, not everyone sees everything, so reposts hit new people, but too many reposts clog it up for new posts.

Edit: Spelling.


i didnt say most people either :)


It's not the turtle for me; it's the half-mouse trying to swim away with its guts hanging out.


I feel like OP was just making a point that her collection has grown, why the need to advise this is a problem? She wasn't asking for help. She was sharing her collection with fellow makeup lovers. I feel like that's a little rude to point her in the direction of a sub to help people cut back when that's not what she was saying at all.


sounds like an absolute keeper to me


Oh snap, people don't know how to meme anymore. This sub is such a huge circlejerk that I thought I was on /b/


>Do they empty out their lungs when they dive?

Yes.

>How do they store and conserve oxygen?

They absorb it into their muscles and blood.


why I'm under no obligation to tip I make less than pretty much all servers around here in oregon they get minimum wage like the rest of us 9.25


The Iron Giant: Soul?

Hogarth Hughes: Mom says it's something inside of all good things, and that it goes on forever and ever.

The Iron Giant: Souls don't die.


How cute, you think I'm being sarcastic.


BLASPHEMER, HELIOS IS THE ONE TRUE SUN GOD!


"It" wasn't *it* a child.


dont understand your downvotes, you tried it out got a different outcome, and people dislike you for it.


tribunal is retarded either way


That was 3 weeks ago.


are you 4 years old? seriously? covering eyes and ears? you sound so pathetic. pussy.


You're such a brave guy.


there is a reason every new installment is called a glorified map pack of the previous one


Wow, it would take some stones to be the guy responsible for those calculations. "Eh, I'm pretty sure the math is right. Light 'em up boys!"


Yes.

Edit: WOW you guys hate me.


Well it was called an escort


It can be used as a compliment if you're really close with the individual, but since this man is just a stranger to you it's best to not use such informal compliments. It's equivalent to me calling him a "jackass."


That's why you use it to buy happiness.


So? That means nothing because it's science that had made the medical profession worthwhile. Mother Theresa ran 'hospitals' and she is responsible for millions of deaths through putting god above actual medicine.

I don't think someone who disregards all the hard work a doctor has put in and the decades of science behind their treatments deserves those treatments.


"IAMA former banana dealer. AMA."


The stupid part is your inability to understand context.

Ah fuck it, I really don't have time to argue with someone this moronic. Carry on with your self-pity, I'm sure you're one of life's real winners.


I'm upvoting with all six accounts!


meh...so he coded google? Not quite impressed.


Are you kidding? Britney's a fucking cunt. *"I don't feel comfortable with you even looking at me right now"*

I hope she gets ass-raped by an elephant for that one.


One day he'll be able to have blowjobs from hookers, condom-free.


(1) You are so awesome (2) Suggest labelling them as "for guests" or something, because taking one can feel pretty clandestine.  Maybe add some toothbrushes or hairspray in a basket, so it's not just "HERE ARE SOME SANITARY NAPKINS FOR YOU."  (3) Suggest adding some tampons to this repository, as if one is not wearing underwear, pads are useless.  (4) Did I mention that you're awesome?


You and every other unoriginal hack trying to run off marblehornet's fame. Seriously, tons of lame-ass youtube videos branching off their work, do us a favor and don't bother.


> doge the problem slightly

                      Much problem

          no login                 very froze

                3/10 service
                               pls reply


I dunno, I watched some vid a day ago where JW calls NIP noobs and refuses to shake their hands, seems like more than friendly rivalry/banter. I'm not sure, though, maybe it's a contextual thing? Or I remembered wrong?


TIL: Shitting out of your mouth doesn't only happen in South Park.


probably a lot of people like me. this sub boggles my mind. at first I thought it was a inside-joke sub or something, but since then I have reached the conclusion that a lot of people here are serious. I view it as an immensly confusing american thing. If I want a *what the fuck!?* moment, I just read posts and comments here.


Unfortunately, no.  Sadder still is the fact that he named a separate character in Star Trek: The Next Generation after him for the same effect.


You are exactly right. In 70%+ of all drinking and driving fatalities it's not actually the drunk driver that caused the accident. Invariably it gets pinned on them regardless of the circumstances due to them having had a  few drinks. The OPs friend was probably some punk kid screwing around and now some poor guy is going to have to spend a good stretch of time in prison.


I assumed you meant pile of teens for a minute.


it's ok, with the money he earned now, he can buy that hotel


At least she goes down on me sometimes.


I'm glad you put a lot of thought into this comment and sealed every hole in your argument to ensure you could say "discussion done."  Shut the fuck up, you don't speak for anyone but yourself.


Would it work with picking *her* nose?


...that Egypt moved from the bloc of moderate nations and aided Hamas in its goal to murder Israeli civilians and sabotage any hope for peace?

This won't be good for either party. You will see.


Looks like we got a smart-ass over here.


I'm sorry and I'm a let you finish. But that was one of the best episodes of all time! Of all time!


So that's why my army is weak.


Mac: Me too.. I have BootCamp.


I laughed so hard at this comment and now I feel like a terrible person. I just keep thinking of OP excitedly snapping pics and giving a thumbs up to the camera while the family looks at him in horror and despair.


nice troll, op. well done.  front page!  wow


> Professional gamblers don't gamble.

[Tell me more.](http://iseeahappyface.com/upload/tell-me-more466.gif)


hahahahahah i tried to keep the lols alive with an upvote but im sure the butthurt redditors will bury you with their srsness


Office Space. My cousin Sanjay is in securities.


Please answer the sandwich question


This did not deserve to be downvoted to oblivion. Reddit, you've made a mistake, and you need to fix it.
Edit: Yeah, fuck me!


This is a picture of me when I was younger.

_Every_ picture of you is a picture of you when you were younger. (Hedberg)


Apparently you can if you are a white cis male.


No one ever believes that fucking story.  FTFY.


What the fuck did you just say to me you little bitch? I am a fucking NAVY SEAL, eat my red, white and blue faeces.


My brother finally snapped at the whole saggy pants thing. He started walking by them and whispering "I can see your skid marks". He said the first guy he did that to got really embarrassed and pulled them up quick and ran off. There weren't really any skid marks.


I doubt it, Falcao wouldn't even be a top 5 transfer and I don't think any United fans would be overly disappointed with him leaving


Can we please forget about the cum box? Just slide it under the rug? Please?


my one upvote won't be able to dig you out of this


Actually, France was holding up little white flags. Not surprising, but it seems a bit early in game eh?


No downvotes on your post? Time to step in. Let me also answer your question, in the name of christ of course. The fact that you left your stuff alone in public makes them think it is acceptable, because it actually is. You do know what public means? In comparison to private? Don´t want people touching your precious vehicles? Don´t leave them alone in public.


He was turned into a high school lab rat! Coming this fall *teachers pet*


I live for the day when ill be in a situation where i can use my gun in self defense and legally murder someone its the only reason i own a handgun


My friend was donating blood and had seizures. The needle popped out of his arm, blood sprayed everywhere, the ~~doctors~~ phlebotomists and girlfriend were frantic. When he came to, he made a few jokes, giggled then promptly had another seizure. I love that guy. Laughs at everything.


I used to think that derpette is his sister, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


More importantly, where's this "massage parlor" exactly?


Fuck you. Don't hate because i said something that is supposed to be hard is not really. I used to think benching 2 plate was hard... now its just standard.

Haters gon' hate


Yeah right? I didn't watch the debates, but since the reddit consensus is that Romney won he must have absolutely trounced Obama.


yeah, and i can't remember if this was actually funny back then either, but i get the feeling it wasn't


And cows just don't give a fuck.


actually, its creepy. He's probably stalking the dude over some weird fetish.


What what what?

- Who goes to lay a "log" when you are first meeting the girl friends family?

- **WHO** on earth walks out of the toilet and proceeds to say "Somone left a mean one in there".

You are either Chuck Norris or a fucking idiot. I can't decide.


And now you're comparing Indian people to dogs. Just fucking great.


>Obviously not, you're so full of yourself I couldn't fit it in

I like this one more


Is this Fox News? You just repeat the same things over and over until they become true or what?


Psssh. Like France and Spain actually exist.


Then crying about it

Edit - God forbid you make a joke @ the Patriots expense.


Or get out of the open bracket.


That's really pretty obvious TBH.


Fitting ending to a fitting game.


**SORRY: HIJACK FOR VISIBILITY**

Engineer here. BELOW, you'll see I'm experiencing a downvote brigade and it's really just reddit sheeple-users piling on for no fucking reason.

Can someone please explain this? THX XD


God forbid you be mildly inconvenienced for a couple of minutes and lose 3 bucks of suncscreen.


Nothing says "you belong in shackles on a plantation" like being handed the check for your dinner 2 minutes after the other couple in the restaurant.


Yes, it is. "Faking" implies I tried to fool people with things that looked real but weren't. I didn't go that far.


At the end of **every** sentence. I would be uncomfortable five minutes in.

"Oh so you're Amanda's boyfriend. Very nice to meet you! MMMMMMMMM"

"Lloyd will you pass the peas. MMMMMMMM"

"So Lloyd where do you work? MMMMMMMM"


quickprint -_-
and to print it again in the right orientation would make it worse


Cop 1: "Dude, look at channel 4! A killer returned to finish his job and the news got it all on camera!"

Cop 2: "Wtf, where are the fucking cops!?"

Cop 1,2: *"Shit."*


An alpha patch didn't fixed what it claimed?

The horror.

>The patch went too far.......

In who's opinion?

How can you say in any way how the patch for a mod made by a single person that is free went?

Noting the fact that he claimed it to be a "social experiment".


I am both disgusted and aroused.


I never claimed they were so quit making assumptions.


Yeah. I know. But the other guy had to get his penis pierced as a result.


It's because those two fags sodomized the poor dog into submission and forced it to play the game so they could make a post on the Internet.

>Check your bladder, I'm the shit-piss, nigga!

-GArY Johnson


I said it's a "plus," not a daring revolutionary act of freedom.


Yea! I love laughing at others' misfortunes!


For some reason, I'm really glad for you that this is your go-to answer.

Here I am fretting over hundreds in bank fees from when I was too lazy to monitor my money, and I imagine you just shaking your head solemnly at 3/4 of a giant gummy worm.


You know how I know you're gay?


When sticking hands into the cake (if you're going to do it all at once) wash your hands off in warm water in between grabs. It will prevent the top layer of icing from being disturbed and you will have nice, clean handfuls of cake.


I love anything buttered.


He's a candidate? I thought this was stand-up!


Calm down, cloudboii.


I'm gonna dress up as a Wal-Mart employee and start spouting out this kind of bullshit.


LMFAO jesus someone put a fucking warning on this thread I almost crashed into the guy in front of me cause I'm fuckin dyin laughing man. My sons like freaking out in the backseat lmao. Peace out


They get the modded out GTRs, Intergras, or whatever.

You get the stock Ford Focus.

lol


If proper time is taken, hands are surprisingly easy to draw. Regardless, this is still very good for probably just being a sketch.


I'm getting this tattood on my forehead; right after I finish paying off my YOLO tramp stamp.


Wrong, shattered sun and argus are played in exactly 0 decks


If it was the same night I suppose. Once I get pregnant in one vagina. My periods will stop all together because of my hormones.


Yeah, but this thread is about rape, so...


So you're the monster that puts the bigger numbers closer to the origin.


LOLOLOLOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMFG THATS HILARIOUS. ITS CAUSE APPLE DOES BAD STUFF AND WE DON'T LIKE THEM, FUCK YEAH REDDIT.


Well, if they were to come back with "Yeah so the psychic said we have demons in the house so we're giving it away to a church and moving in with you" then it might be more an issue. But if it's just palm readings and tarot, jesus. Don't be that guy.


mishandled the mortar.
Edit: Thought it was funny, well guess not. Sorry.


Was this really said in a movie?


god ...EP1 was a way underappreciated game...


8th grade boys are about as subtle as angry wasps.


They didn't vote for Obamacare, they have no responsibility to accept it.


I used to contradict any award my parks won.

Like the one time when I got an award for 'Safest Park'. I immediately maxed out the speed of that one coaster that launches people and lets gravity stop them.

Safest park; 35 casualties per minute.


They're just colour. Not particularly good or clever but the USP is colour. He knows it and receives sweet, sweet karma for his exploits.


I found you sexmunky7... I knew we would meet again. You were supposed to keep our secrets between us remember? So you're going by hereforthefreecake now huh?


Yeah.. looks like she's scratching her inner thigh at most. If she were fingering da puss you'd understand this angle wouldn't work.


>I get free drinks every night. I'm a lady.

FTFY


There are a lot of people I hope die. Maybe you should die, I don't know. The world might be a brighter place if you did. I know a lot of people whose death would bring light to the world.


> I never told father I found this cave because I might need it one day.

So...you suspect you might one day have to evade your father, *and* that the circumstances might be dire enough that you might have to hide in a damn cave? And I thought *I* had father issues...


Thanks man, I appreciate it.


Albania used Simplicity!

It's super effective!


haha cant believe this is a real subreddit, and active too. EDIT** -29 downvotes, all u pussies should stop caring about what people think and you being big, ffs you sound like women.


I tried to leave an old but working TV on the curb with an "It works" sign. 20 minutes later a guy on a bike comes by and smashes it with a hammer and takes the small amount of copper out of the back.


No I'm saying we don't know what to assume. Could be anything


I like the way Iron Man handled that.

"Didn't expect to see you."

"Yeah, well, it's me and I'm here."


Hopefully when you get older you'll see the world differently, from a wiser perspective, and realize that religion itself is more ridiculous than a little tradition.

I know you're being a tool, a mouthpiece, for something you have no choice but to believe in. Give it a few more years. Good luck.


Yeah, those are the best.


It was based off an event dealing with mass text (which DID happen). It was unknown why it happened. I altered the situation slightly to make it seem like the phone company's fault and for benefit of spreading worry. Needless to say it worked. People panicked and yelled bullshit.


That was not uncommon for actresses at the time!  Stretchy fabrics weren't available like they are now, so if a dress was going to be skin-tight, it either had to have lots of laces and buttons or be sewn on the body.  I believe Olivia Newton-John was also sewn into her leather pants at the end of Grease.


Couldn't care less...


Mexican Solution: Taco


aww, did i hurt your feelings making fun of a 40 year old guy living in his moms basement? did it hit too close to home?


I'm not sorry at all.


For reddit comment systems:

    502

it went through

    504

try once more

*Why are you down voting?*

EXPLAIN YOURSELF. Or maybe you can't comment and have become angry. Donvoting doesn't help.


You should have complained, "Why are you banning the song of my people?"


This can't be upvoted enough.


>I know of no illegal activity, nor do I condone it.

,
>I am a driver for multiple prostitutes!


She is a fuck isn't she!

(PS, I'm just kidding, I don't know the person)


Jeff Foxworthy: "You may be a redneck if your idea of a water-cooled PC is a laptop in the bathtub."


Your grammar is bad and you should feel bad.


How did he escape if his monolithic testicles were dragging on the ground behind him?


Are you impaired in some way? There must be some reason you can't just try for yourself, right?


wouldn't.  I love gay.


Don't be an asshole. There was nothing sick about it.


Or god forbid your blood sugar actually get low, and you pull out candy or a can of soda or whatever you have offhand just for that exact situation. "YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT!"


Then *she* is a huge slut that loves to have her ass ravaged by 12' inch black cock. She does nothing better with her life than dressing up her finger with pipecleaners, mini Christmas lights and mini candy cane, then taking a picture of it for karma.


Neither did the doctor.


inb4 all those novelty accounts spam your comment


There's nothing euphemistic about pubes full of seamen.


Live by the sword, die by the sword. Hopefully he takes this second chance in life to do good things.


Oh look, boys!  I found a third hole on him...  and a fourth.  Fifth.  Sixth...


poor little millionaire girl


Doesn't matter, had genie.


Not because he was new, but because he was the youngest and had long hair like a grill


u/bumbleshirts didn't get the memo


so you are saying that as a GS employee you were less than honest and un-bundled the games and sold them as PRE OWNED...you do understand that you just admitted to GS doing this right?


>unsafe to wear

so like my dick will explode?


its actually two hands and a deep throat


They should be careful, they could get lung cancer.


Very first time I had a woe is me!


Sounds like a lose-lose.


Not everybody has problems, only niggers like you. Lesson you should learn: Don't shoot your dad, you dumb fuck.


"Better poke a couple holes in the condom so my penis can still breathe."


Actually the yogurt girl started the staredown


You have 30 women in stilettos. lol. Kidding. We have alarm buttons hidden in the room. Ill never tell.


Indeed they did. Against three teams that didn't belong anywhere near the Stanley Cup Finals and the Penguins. So are you going to admit the Dead Wings' legacy is a lie, or...


Reminds me of the old joke about gay men:

Half of them are born that way.

The other half just sort of get sucked into it.


That's great. But many people aren't and that's just natural sexuality. I think realistically nice bike man would say " I'm happy for you and I'm sorry for what I did." And then get on with life. It's more consistent with what's being presented.


I agree on her cooking and head.


I'm not pissed but you obviously have no idea about overclocking if you think your PC hit 6.18ghz ON AIR, WITH NO VCORE MOD. It's a display bug, NOTHING more. Windows used to think my i5 3570k was at almost 6ghz but it wasn't.


Similar story- I was at a family XMas party and my out of state cousin brought his new girlfriend. She was a redhead named Brenda from Delaware. Rewind 4 years and I used to cyber with a redhead named Brenda from Delaware in AOL chat rooms. It was her.


Damn, I'm three hours too late!


or drive by photoshop.


What does the age of the stadium have to do with anything?


Also, pizza dipped in ranch dressing. Delicious!


wot what?

Folks think that John Terry actually runs his accounts.


its now my new unit of measurement. .2 miles is a larry king.


Yep, no drunk mistakes should ever be forgiven or worked with. Drunk people should lose all their friends, family, and their job for one stupid action while drunk. I totally agree.


From the Bro'd Testament.


>People who pay nothing per month to play planet side 2 will save up to 100% of that amount per month.

`FTFY`


I think you mean:
1) Someone with a million dollars.
2) Sane people.


your game sucks, get bent


HEY ILLEAGLES. ENGLISH THE FUCK UP.


Le sir, your beard is that of a gentlemen and a le scholar. Upboats to you. Faith in humanity restored.

Edit: OMG DOWNVOTES?


There are a lot of us, so a lot of different configurations of human get expressed.


Hahaha same here i literally cant even, this might be the greatest thing i have ever seen on the internet

fucking ESEX hahahahaha this shit is GOLD. solid GOLD. long live ESEX! (get it? its like e-**sex**) xDD

long live dota 2! praise gaben!

edit: downvotes? really reddit?


Came here to make sure cats were mentioned.


nice job making up pointless bs trying to defame sony. as soon as psn is back up people will forget all about this, it will be more secure than ever, and ps3 will go about its merry way kicking gaybox, wii's, and pc's asses. so make ur faggoty little jokes while you still can cuz sony owns you, mother fucker.


pretty sure that's entrapment


Nope, she's been in Karen Carpenter mode for years. So damn homely, and being Skeletor on top of it certainly doesn't help.


Laning with vayne is like babysitting a 5 year old child hyped up on sugar and red bull. There is just no way to help / support that champion


LOL EXX DEE TERRAN UP SO TRUE.
TERRAN UP LOL EXXXXXX DEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


"OP is massive enough "

FTFY


Really? Well that's your decision then dude. Personally I'd give her a go, given the chance, if she is mostly flesh and blood.


Yeh... but, mam says no drinkin inna 'ouse, like.


I'm not blind.  I doubt that's what he meant to say.


*Count the PIs on the hiiiighwaay*


You're a dick, Teach.


God bless that photo for saving that dog.


Give it a rest you passive aggressive puss.


1: Yes! I was like, 17, before I realized that those skin-colored bumps on girls faces were *acne under make up!*

Mind-blowing.


That's what she said.


Exactly. What's the deal with airplane salmon?


"You are a fantastic woman"
"This guy is a douche"

I understand you're being comforting here, but doesn't it seem a little disingenuous when you do it by making assumptions without evidence?


Obsidian

Onyx

Midnight

Lost Soul

Rolling Blackout

Sleeping Panther

and Void by Armani


my guess would have been he was crushed to death


Depends on the neighborhood.


Listen up, **matthew.**

Don't anger anonymous.

We are legion.

we do not forget

we do not forgive

expect us


The most important part is to go slowly and have patience. Trial and error is key here. She's only 82 years old! So I think she has a chance.


Wait people actually think he didn't do it?!


I would not trust the bankers on a day without laws. They find enough loopholes around the laws already.


Fine.

> Child custody

Valid complaints exist here. Still a product of patriarchal gender roles.

> Womens quotas

No idea what's you're talking about with this one.

> Support groups for women

Wait, you mean there are support groups for women to help them deal with issues like rape and abuse? The horror!


All those backyard home videos finally paid -- oh


This guy brings up a valid argument and you just mindlessly attack him. Get yourself some help before you raise another fucked up human just like yourself.


And is this a "massage parlor", or a "massage" parlor?


Then it would have been just disgusting.


You're so right about it not being about the boyfriend "finding it funny". I mean, *seriously*. Holding her down isn't a "joke", it's the boyfriend playing off his attempts to initiate her into bestiality against her will. This is so, **so** gross.


I didn't miss anything.

EDIT: Man, you pony fans are really butthurt.


I am standing on my chair, applauding you sir.

That is exactly what I think the goal is. There is no difference between acting with your voice, acting with your face, acting with your body. At the end of the day, it's all acting, and I'm glad you see that.


As an expert in karate, TIL that people actually have the same name as that retarded little boy from INCEPTION.


Hot Tub Time Machine, for anyone wondering. A surprisingly good film.


Hi! How you doin'? Just bagged me another one.


Sounds like she's projecting a bit

EDIT: I think this is my highest voted comment. Wow


I can't speak for 11-0 but I always concede one game when I have 11-1.

Edit: I don't care about the downvotes, I'm just curious as to why? Like it makes no sense. I don't understand reddit, at all. Was this comment SO bad that you actually had to take the time to hit the downvote button instead of just leaving it alone?


But "store boat" doesn't make sense in English.. that's the point...


Bitches don't know bout my prostate


the left already has all the coordinated agitation money and power can buy, from the NGOs to the universities.  What do you suggest?  How can you get more agitation?


My favorite comment is that I can't live without my wife, so I called going first.  Every time she mentions something like "if I go first" I just tell her it's not possible.  I called going first.  She gets surprisingly irritated by it, which cracks me up!


Scientific consensus is not science.

Liberals are just piggybacking on what's convenient.

Real science is debated at the data and climate change has a lot of data in its models. It isn't simple, like liberals profess.


Because the Mountain Dew campaign finally picked a winner?


omg i love you this is awesome lmao


***Shot Through the Heart, And You're To Blame***

*Accidentally encourage someone to commit suicide.*


Hahahaha ohh Cameroon that's so cute


Doesn't matter; survived.


Okay, what file format would you like?


hey say what you want about pedophiles, at least they drive slow in school zones


i used to give downvotes,  BUT DEN I TOOK AN ARROW TO THE KNEE! ^^^^now ^^^^we ^^^^wait.


>But that calculation doesn't factor in the latest research on Antarctica.


cool, so it's a just a guess not an actual detail, downvoted for misleading title.


Wreck it Ralph is waaay better than frozen.


> I really hate private schools

lol sounds like you went to a pleb decile 3 school in some shitty neighbourhood. Get fucked you faggot, uni is for everyone if you cant make up there then you deserve nothing


Pretty sure you can count yourself in that list of "smart dudes" now.


On phone but basically people are upset and don't under stand how reddit works and I'm in a bad moodso I'm beings little more unfriendly than normal.


The game alone sell for $80-100 on eBay, I have seen them hit 150 with a good box and manual


we know man we can see that, as you say. you know what else is a business like any other?, child kidnapping.


Multiple times for multiple of my students.

It doesn't get any easier the more you deal with it.


I think it would probably be Matt calling.

EDIT: I found a subreddit where username jokes aren't appreciated. weird.


sorry canada but moosefuckers is the funniest thing ever uttered


shut the fuck up, you dont even know what your talking about. hes making gay jokes, which are the lowest form of comedy next to puns.

edit: STOP DOWNVOTING ME. im already at -30 karma and i dont want to loose anymore.


Twist: He doesn't even have a daughter.


Say, what are other reasons girls wouldn't date me? They think my giant nose is sexy. Oh, you're suggesting that because I don't like Adventure Time, I'm never going to meet the hopeless broke stoner girl of my dreams, right?


All we need is Cowboys back to 8-8


I used to think that poochie died on the way back to his home planet, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


It's normal for Japan.


I'm pretty sick of it honestly. Tits are great, hell I have a pair of my own, they aren't *that* great.


You're either lucky, tolerant or *that guy*


I was going to up vote you, but than I read your user name and pictured you with a weight in one hand, a protein bar in the other, and a trucker hat. I decided I didn't like you based off of three words. That is Human nature at its best


But does it have cup holders?


Women obviously always say what they want and don't ever mean something else


She was buying ice cream, she had to get that shit home, no time for sex.


If you have to explain your joke, its too late. :(


You keep hanging in there, mate.


The scary thing is she can probably have kids and vote too :(


It was the silent credits at the end that was the cherry on the cake for me.


Hey homie, shut the fuck up and get cancer you presumptuous twat. :) Can't is a stronger form of the imperative won't. My usage of it is accurate technically. So... yeah. Go fuck yourself with a cactus.


Careful with that whole "when you want something, you take it" philosophy in certain situations.

It can get kind of...rape-y.


Takes one to know one.


Incognito.  Isn't that the browser feature that helps you buy gifts for your loved ones without them knowing what you're getting them? You can also use it for porn?


She banned comments from people who are not subscribed to r/pets trolling her for linking to one of a million companies that work with associated content. Yeah, lets kill the witch!


How the hell do you accidentally headbutt someone?


Loda can't even farm :v


She was just marking her territory.


Very cute, your stupidity shows very well. .

Good luck leading a happy life.

and now you're response will be.
"i am happy with my life, you don't know me!"

yeah im gonna stop you right now. Bullshit.


Let me summarize:

CATERING:  NOT EVEN ONCE.


it works 100% of the time 74% of the time ...zzz

do u even meme bro


unexpected feel is unexpected.


man all this karma you gonna be RICH BOY!

you can pay for her treatment now!


Don't do it. Income > reddit karma


Remember he packed the chute that failed.


This makes me sad. I want to send you Rice-a-Roni. Nobody should go without shitty American insta-meals.


I downloaded the sea version first.

Now when I log into NA it says wrong client version.


We can't make things illegal just because they are disgusting, because that's entirely subjective.


Comment deleted because I keep getting messages from angry Scarra fanboys. Our opinions are different, end of story.


I'd call that game the Small Childron Collider.


I don't think the OP had retards in mind. They don't count.


Lock your dog and your wife in the trunk for an hour. Than open it, and see which one is happiest to see you..


Worst. Response. Ever.


Nothing turns the ladies on like clunky ass shoes that make it hard to walk up steps.


The more drunk someone is, the more they think anyone is interested in the *fact* that they're drunk. Funny that.

>Like epic blackout.

That's not cool or interesting. It's mostly just pathetic that you can't seem to control yourself. Sorry.


/r/nfl finds it acceptable to be complete dicks as long as it's directed at our fan base, here's your upvote.


Don't give away too much info.


Well lol have a boyfiend isn't even the most important thing lol,, especially with all the sexisms.

Tho some guys look pretty good, I'm not think having a boyfriend is that important lol, especially not valentines.

But lol, good luck OP,, tho I'm not sure you'll get one


They're both so full of class. You must be missing out.


pedantic aside, nothing is "quite" unique.  everything is unique or not unique.


When I dreamed about the Spiderwick Chronicles.


Thinking i'm employing some good ol' Berta Lovejoy tactics eh? I am curious though, in what ways is this delusional?


Nope: hotmail@gmail.com


Just about to post that.


To Pimp 80 m.A.A.d Butterflies


Don't worry. The fall of America is on the horizon. Soon... very soon.


Nothing has made me think weed was addictive and potheads cult-like more than r/trees. Do they consider it a hobby or something?


REALLY?! As if men dont do it also. Come on!


The same is said for Florida


If by overweight you mean cripplingly, horrifically, disgustingly, utterly utterly worthlessly grossly **FAT**. Then yes.


it's ok though, because the ball is attached to the cup !


Mission accomplished, thanks!  Ironically I originally set out to achieve as much negative karma as I could but no matter what I post it remains above zero.  Guess I'm not alone in my depravity.  Thanks for your patronage!  Keep reading, it gets "better".


TIL - I can probably get rich exporting Solo cups.


GO FUCK YOURSELF, BITCH

EDIT: RAPE YOU IN YOUR FUCKING EAR

CUM IN YOUR EYES

RAVAGE THE ANUS


2010 Hyundai with roll-up windows.


As a redditor who has no credibility on the subject, I came here to say "this" for no reason.


curvy is good.

) (

curved is bad.

( )


long term live in gf - pretty close.

I asked her btw - she said the chick was 'dumb' for doing this.
(as she said, it would be different if it was a Wayne Rooney or Smith type of injury...Lucas walked off the pitch...it wasn't serious and there was no reason to think it was)


I still think that that is what it is... What is it?

Edit: oh. Its an actual asshole. I thought it was a waterfall.

Edit2: my highest rated comment is about buttholes.


Downvote me to the depths of hell. My body is ready.


YOU ARE NOT AUTHORIZED TO KNOW WHO KEITH IS.


HIS kingdom? Pretty sure the guy is making a joke as he has Bolton flair and is talking about not raising bastards. You are new to r/asoiaf I see from your profile page. There are lots of silly jokes like this!


That's like saying ketchup is hair


Define successful without using the word money. Some think intelligence is success.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PI_pwLyeoqk


I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT I WILL WIN MORE TITLES THAN THE SELF PROCLAIMED "FAN" \U\SIBEWOLF


SO BRAVE!

... I have no idea what I'm doing!


I did this. I thought it was cool.

Then after a couple weeks I realized, everyone can tell you're a freshman immediately.

Nothing is less cool than a freshman.

Also, don't travel in a group of 15, stick to a few. You look like idiots.


eh as others pointed out, all the pics are from a journal. The OP does not reply. Reddit was fooled again.

I was one of the first people to post here, and then neary 80 questions later only a handful asked for proof.

REDDIT!!! Ask for proof on AMA's, we have been trolled again!


TIL: You have cell phone service in your vagina.


So by "good luck in college", you mean "may your success in college continue."


* durning - during
* i got - I've got/I have
* scare - scar

Sounds like OP has a malpractice suit going on.


Three. Lucky I saved him from growing up in a horrible family like that one, eh?


So instead of being trapped in a well, you are now trapped in Reddit. Fate is a strange thing my friend...


God this comment sucks.


Jenny responsible for 17.8% drop in Starbucks shares.


Our spacetime did not exist before the Big Bang. However, it is reasonable that something did exist. But since it is outside our spacetime it has no meaning to us.


Being an insufferable prick isn't as funny or smart as you seem to think


She'd be a keeper if she licked his asshole.


Unfortunately once you hit rank 20 you are kind of fucked. There nothing a noob can really do against the meta decks and legend players who are farming noobs for their golden hero.


>my reply was an affirmation that I did not see her post in that way

That's what I said was... let's just say *funny*.  And now it's even funnier.

>I am an artist, so (the cheesiness) is not only self explanatory

NO.  YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY COMEDIAN.  CHEESE ARTISTS ARE CALLED MARKETING CONSULTANTS.


Too bad I don't live in the US.  This is all I got: [http://i.imgur.com/u8unI.png](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0)


1 repost = shame on OP; 1 rerepost = shame on you


"I know this because I create it."


Up would be a douchbag if he
A) had a girlfriend, and
B) this actually happened

Since both are clearly untrue, op is instead a bundle of sticks.


Sexy, sexy research.


That doesn't really change the fact that it still belongs on /r/ShinyPokemon.  Anyone remotely interested in shiny Pokemon can simply subscribe there to see them.  I personally don't care that your Pokemon is thousands of times more rare than mine.  At the end of the day, it's a mother fucking colour.


Yes, instead of old rich white people on our money, we have old rich white people. What a country!


''ERS A SCERNTERST'' YER... SER.


The only thing I remember is playing the adult rated flash games.

Edit: wow my most up voted comment I've ever had. Thanks reddit!


Yeah, nothing like a person who uses oppressive taxation to undermine the first amendment.

I think we should tax everyone in the country 110% of their income and then give them a tax rebate based on whether they do and say whatever the government wants.  It's constitutional because the government has the power to tax.


Is it that big a deal?  Guess I'm just too European to give a shit.


Jeez no need to be a dick. No wonder you dont have a job.

check out /r/anger though since youve got a lot of down time.


Speak for yourself broheim. My wife does things with her hands that can make me see God.


>I don't like this entertainer's political views so nobody should be allowed to enjoy his work

lol@u


listen to this person. avians are not our friends.

at least with the horses, we might find some mammalian common ground.


98% of pigs have dirt-colored skin


Meijer wishes you sweet dreams and tucks you in at night. Kroger runs over your dog.


http://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/2s2868/sexual_achievement_sunday/

There you go. There'll be a new one next Sunday.

Also, took your advice and just fucked myself. Wanted to let you know that I gave myself a penis orgasm! I just jiggled my penis and after a while I came! Can you believe it!!! Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.


This is my favourite comment: perfect Pavlovian reflex, mindlessness and originality combo.


Bill Cosby's son was murdered by a white  ~~supremacist~~ guy. The sketch involved Cosby and Hitler.


Seeing the demographics I don't think there is anything surprising to be honest.


Rustling level : Jimmies


Math checks out guys. He's legit.


> proves that we really need a place like Park51 in New York to promote interfaith understanding

No, we need people to understand that "faith" is bullshit. Your faith, Park51's faith, all faith.


Sandwhiches are food so yes.

But who the fuck thinks about buttholes? WHAT do you think about buttholes?

Edit: RIP my ~~butthole~~ inbox.

Edit2: Now I can't stop thinking about buttholes either =/


>If you want to see more parkour/freerunning

LOL, no thanks. That is about the dumbest, most faggoty sport ever. Even the word parkour sounds like French for dick covered with AIDS infected shit.


Oh relax, we know the difference between a radical muslim and a moderate muslim ...

A radical muslim wants to cut your head off, and a moderate muslim wants a radical muslim to cut your head off.


Don't you and the 13 people who upvoted your inane drivel have some pedo cartoons to go jerk it to?


Everyone I know AFK begs to differ, but whatever.


Sometimes spending time together doesn't mean full attention on the other person. I would love to have my father back even if we can only hang out in the living  room without talking to each other on a Sunday afternoon.


Nope, instead they're bending over for the 2 inch wangs of a million unemployed PC gamers. You angsty children invested every last dollar of your lunch money into this disaster of a game and I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed. Can't wait to see the realistic damage system in action when this game crashes and burns.


Jesus, this pisses me off so much. I was in Belize a year ago, and people were climbing all over these ancient pyramids. I saw chunk of rock fall down about every 5 minutes...


Well at the risk of sounding like a complete dick.

A womans body is hers (she can get an abortion whilst the potential father is hammering down the door and the doctors wouldnt listen to him)

That being said. It'd be your opinion that'd be least valued in the discussion (from a legal view)


>life-sized chimpanzee ventriloquist dummy

wat


i dip my granola bars in freedom
^^o_O


well why would they they all cheated


YOU SHUT THAT FILTHY WHORE MOUTH.


THE KING IN THE NORTH!


I think people fail to realize that The Living Story quests can be considered as dungeons if you  try to get the acheivement rewards from the Living story like me and my Guild did with The "Point of No Return" living story quest. There's alway Guild missions as well if you're guilds do that. Maybe you should look into that.


You could have easily hosed them back. File your own taxes and claim your deductions yourself. If they claim you, they are committing tax fraud. Unless you were actually one of their dependents.


TBH he probably did, He hate's being the 2nd or 3rd class gaming league, He has probably been sucking alot of dicks since idra won MLG and said he would only show up to Dallas if it didn't conflict with his GSL commitments.


God I love our lemon tree. I just hope no one steals our lemons.


Watch Dogs looks like boring, scripted bullshit. Hopefully it will prove me wrong, but you must've had super low expectations to be impressed by that demo.


"Push flaps back to open." Says my milk carton.


Please don't misunderstand me, I don't actually hate every woman I've ever met, I was getting frustrated and ranting about a particular breed. It would have made a lot more sense to add "like this" at the end, but I left that to be inferred, and obviously that wasn't what was inferred.


I'd assume it's a reference to an episode of Friends, where Ross was supposed to be getting married to a woman named Emily but during the ceremony says "I take thee Rachel" instead of "I take thee Emily".


you're a stupid faggot, op is clearly full of shit. This is one of those troll IAmAs, and you're being a little bitch by crying over it? Go kill yourself.


I'D ACTUALLY CHOOSE A LIGHT RED.  YOU'D WANT TO CONTRAST IT AGAINST A BOLD AND SWEET BOUQUET.  SOMETHING FROM NAPA VALLEY WOULD BE OK,BUT WHATEVER YOU HAVE IN THE CELLAR THAT'S AROUND 13% OR BETTER SHOULD BE JUST FINE.


I didn't know Chuck Norris visited Japan


The microwave in my current flat beeps indefinitely until you open the door as if not attending to it has some dire consequence. You'll never be a real oven. Get over yourself.


You certainly are.

Saddam Hussein was an enemy of this nation and I am very glad we took him out.  We know he had WMD because he used them.


stop looking.  you can't force it.


Downvoters are obviously to stupid to have a good sense of humor.

Edit: He was negative when I posted this. Fuck off reddit.


Yes, very common practice to steal somebodies wallet and then return it to them with nothing missing


Then you were saved. It was a shitty movie, which stretched the facts so badly, that nothing was even close to true. Mel Gibson is a fucking Charlatan liar.


Yes. *That's* the plot hole.


Only proof I see is that you're kinda fat. 5'1 and 140 pounds?  Didn't lose much weight with that crack did ya?


And one has found Jesus and the other, heroin.

Breaks my heart.


It wasn't a threat of violence, it was a warning or advice.  No different from a cop telling people to "stay indoors, there's a gunman in the area, and you might get shot".


I got lazy and didn't read the whole title... I've been reading everyone of these aloud with different emphasises and wondering why people are upvoting these poor efforts.


Sweet political philosophy brah, I also watched South Park. You know, until I turned 16.


It's pronounced mee mee


It seems all you are a *murder* of is good vocabulary and grammar. Which is unforgivable, don't you even care about the *survival* of our language⸮


Clearly that isn't a treasure chests natural habitat.


Haha! Wait, whoa....are you serious?


>unattached foot

Nah, dude, that's a whole *other* fetish.


oh no! you ruinied his retard joke. and got downvoted


She adamantly opposes home security.


Argentina has a large and robust feminist movement.


Well I'm gonna feel incredibly dirty every time I start up a lawnmower for the rest of my life.


So I guessed you missed the part where people posted my personal info, triggered my rape trauma multiple times and issued death threats


6) End up dead in alley!


Same here.. I mean, no PS3? That's cold..


No our children will be fine as long as certain parts of the older generations die off.

Find my a kid who doesn't know what a computer virus is.


you are a fucking disgrace.


Bear Grylls only needed *one* bottle.


MAYBE ITS BECAUSE YOU GUYS DID A HORRIBLE FUCKING JOB, I DUNNO.


Capitalism, fuck yeah.

EDIT: Guys you need to upvote this more because I don't want my highest rated comment to be "Oh and watch out for random CP"


I agree with them - why is it that Islam is the only religion that thinks every other religion should be subjugated to it?   No wonder people don't want to deal with them.   Just behave and be tolerant of other peoples' beliefs and maybe people will be ok with mosques or whatever.   The way it is, the hell with it.


Well, that's just how long it took me to load this page.


Those are indoor soccer kicks.  Source:  I have a pair and am a man.

EDIT: Apparently you're all really angry that I own shoes.


From the thumbnail, it looked like it was a gift she had left him. Maybe even a special edition box of something. But no.