This was the first thing I thought, but then it kinda looks like hair sticking out the top photo. Either this is a really skinny dude or a woman with her hair up so it wouldn't block the pretty pictures.

Either way, that is some parenting at least you interact with your children.


Then they come to Vancouver and buy supercars for their kids to race on public streets.


Now there's no need for that.  You know in some states you could be arrested for saying something so rude to a former officer of the law. Please show some respect or I swear I will report you.


http://imgur.com/a/mc1fT  I made a gallery of them on imgur


I'm not completely sure. I was only with him for like half a mile going east on I-70 right before I25


ah, I see the /r/shittyadvice outreach program is succeeding.


SRD is poison

EDIT: Yay, brigaiding from SRD


I scream like a baby!


Stream sniping isn't all that cool either, sorry to say.

Both people are being dicks. I'm not excusing Maximus as he's doing some shitty stuff himself, but if you're doing something that some people dislike, don't expect to catch some shit from it yourself.


> Most jobs are respected or romanticized in some sense.

This is what I love. I may be a cook and it may be a shitty job but people are always so excited to hear you work hard. I am also glad I work hard. Makes me feel strong.


Can't be serious litterature.


I like any wig that lets me imagine what I would look like if I made different choices in my life.


yet every study confirming otherwise is ignored.

funny how reddit loves science when it agrees with their beliefs.


Star Wars is like pizza, even when it's bad, it's good.


>Finally me as Maria Torres from trauma team **( don't have the hair though)**
http://imgur.com/0EDui.jpg

Or the body, way to leave that part out you fat piece of shit. get your ass in a fucking gym, jesus christ you look disgusting


yes, the dog is ok.

btw, the dog is not the golden retriever in the pic, he is a 11 years old boxer

[here is the photo of the assassin](http://i.imgur.com/iMRCT.jpg)


Pretty easy: Fuck the Pats.

edit: All y'all haters hating on my Pats hate can eat me.


If that gets a laugh for you every time your friends may also like this logic joke.

3 Logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks if they'd all like a beer. The first logician says "I don't know" the second says "I don't know" then the third exclaims "Yes!"


im not lying im being serious :(


Isn't two weeks an eternity on this site?


The third one is Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead.


Which, I will reiterate, belongs on 4chan.

I must say I'm rather glad both your associates failed to reproduce.


and this here is why I'm absolutely horrified of letting a guy go down on me, and i have excellent hygiene and I'm near horrified.


Oh please, the game against Sweden he sucked donkey balls. Short-term memory loss?


It says: "Yesterday morning, a few young European tourists were sightseeing in Yantai's seaside district. They were brought there by Yantai's beautiful seaside views. As they walked, they exclaimed in not very fluent Mandarin, 'Yantai, very good! It deserves its reputation!'"


This isn't a repost, I swear to god its not


FUCK THAT SHIT, COME AT ME, BRO


It's not like karma means anything.  Who the fuck cares?!?!


You learn more from your failures than from your successes. Try again, grasshopper.


youre making a joke right?  Dji will tell this guy to "fuck off and give us more $$$".


9/11 i didn't either.


^Noobs.  At least your not playing Call of Faggots Black Cocks


B/c they surrendered, not b/c they were shot, well maybe they were shot after they surrendered but the point is the rifle was dropped out of cowardice b/c no one besides the French would use such atrocious military equipment.


He had money in a plastic bag, duct taped to the inside of the deer hide.


That story was weaksauce


> That kind of thing is what I meant.

Wow, this is some astonishing deadpan.


Don't get your vagina in a twist.


Get to the back of the line you horsediddler.


Women are good for sucking dick.


What the fuck does reddit have to do with the hamster. Name it Jerry the Gerbil the hamster.


Second that.  I would like an answer as to why people do stupid shit like this.


Compare:

- [2008 Ford Ranger](http://www.euroncap.com/tests/ford_ranger_2008/342.aspx)
- [2012 Ford Ranger](http://www.euroncap.com/results/ford/ranger/2012/450.aspx)

Now imagine what death traps cars were 50 years ago.


i came here to say that except replacing blurred with pixelated.  well done, sir.


Yeah, it's a city in England.  Heard of New York?  Had to be a 'York' to have a 'New York'


This sounds familiar.


Even though their work on the late night show is a fucking joke.

They're not doing anything special in the video either, but since it's THE Roots, it's out of this world.


I'm trying to imagine how you'd lick ice cream with any *other* part of your tongue.


Well that's gettin' an upvote.


In high school, my teacher got mad at me every day for sleeping. As soon as I aced a test and got the highest grade in class, she allowed me, and me alone, to sleep whenever I wanted in her class. Oh, the glory days.


"Joseph Gordon-Levitt"

You're 100% faggot.  Any straight male would view that hipster faggot with nothing but revulsion.


O hey Mr. Cheezle, whats up.


Not as good as it sounds. Some people take it as an insult, especially when they have major self-esteem issues.

Thus, the cycle of, "No, it feels good, seriously. No, really. Yes, I think you're hot. Well, because I'm worrying about making you sad now! God damn it."


Wiggly® Brand Mayonnaise was around long before you or the Internet was born.  If you're not a driving force in mayonnaise today you might as well have never existed.


not gonna lie, that single statement changed the way i viewed this matter entirely... haha


Your ad hominem attacks do nothing for your credibility.  Maybe if you stopped worshiping at the altar of Marx and read a book you'd learn a thing or two about the world.


I would just want a picture. You can't disappoint a picture.


> Actually the much soggy knees came about from how over-incorrectly-used misogyny is.

"Our dumb slang is a nuanced cultural critique, but theirs is childish nonsense." Oh ok.


The one situation where a surprise penis is an acceptable prank


You think so? Seems to me like they tried real hard *not* to get them over. I can't imagine a brand new solo act who is supposed to be a dominant performer getting his ass kicked by road dogg.


http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh216/EpicGfxGallery/op.png

Hope this helps. Should have transparent background if you save it.


Sorry, but the fact that you are doing it proves that you don't fully know the consequences.


Somewhere ~~spongebob~~ Gary is mad as fuck someone stole his bong


Your entire statement is just wrong/delusional. Not much else to say, really.


Your brain creates the characters in your dreams.  You were just getting to know *yourself*.


why the fuck can't gamergate make coherent """"inforgraphics"""" you assholes literally just draw red arrows everywhere and act as if that proves something


Czech yourself before you wreck yourself


But you have to admit that most of those actually carryig dont give a shit about responsibility.


yes. paul, rihanna, vic, chance, kendrick, sia, lorde, shrek, cosby, marmaduke, the voice of the sun from telletubbies


Who the fuck doesn't know about this?


Enjoy this then- my husband is an electrical engineer and he makes 180k a year.
EDIT- This is with a bachelor's degree and almost 25 years with the same company (including co-op time in college). He started out, after graduation, around 45k a year.


~~YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~


Di... dirt... house? I thought I was the baddest motherfucker around with my 2x2 hidey hole lit by a torch.


Damn it, quit giving the set-ups for racist jokes.


Man. The USA is so ass backwards with this kind of thing


And today the Japanese government denies the rape of nanking.


Luxury giant black dildo


To be fair, it didn't really count..

Edit: my friend thought he was logged in to his account when he commented this.  Oh well fuck it I'll eat these down votes


Ouch! I hope the driver felt awful! My German teacher did something similar. I was late for school and when I walked in he said "Why are you late, did your hamster die or something?" Worst choice of words ever, burst into tears there and then :/

Love to your friend.


What's love and care? Do you even believe in God? Marriage is for procreating if you can.


I smoke almost everyday and I do not like associating with people who talk about it all the time. Just like how I drink alcohol but I do not like hanging out with people who always talk about drinking and going out to bars. In my opinion it is something you do, not who you are. There are way better things to talk about than "man I was so fucked up last night."


lol Sco. good player but would've been kicked from method years ago if he didn't lead


Thing is, she knows those dicks haven't been anywhere in a while.
But those semen covered hands...thats another story


I'm so confused. Are you a talentless troll or have you lived under a rock for the past two decades?


Lawyer up, apparently.


Ahh the name calling ... the sign that your opponent has no argument.

I accept your defeat


You knock that shit off. Just because I'm on walkabout doesn't mean I won't hear about these, come back, and stab you in the face through the internet.


No, he wouldn't have. I know it's an unpopular opinion, but I still would make that trade. It's not fair to guys like Bergeron and Krejci to keep someone around not giving his all in a playoff series.

In Dallas, the spotlight is dimmer and his role has increased while giving him less of a defensive posture.


>I switch over to Ebonics/Jive and most are oblivious

That's actually kind of brilliant.


A Nay vote WOULD be pro-gun.  A Yay vote WOULD be anti-gun.  What's the conflict?

Now, I believe that Clinton is a compulsive liar as much as anyone, but this isn't contradictory to the stance you say she claims.  Clinton voted that the government should not be allowed to confiscate firearms in an emergency, and Obama voted the government SHOULD be allowed to confiscate guns in an emergency.


But you were a stranger... DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUN


That black smoke is actually soot and is less harmful than the fumes from gasoline engines you can't smell.


Plus Raimi handled the origin really well.


Congratulations, you've finally become aware of the fact that the internet is serious business. Extra points for projecting online; as we're all aware, that makes up for your every inadequacy.

Edit: Spelling.


I totally thought that was her! My mother  sold her Avon in the 90s. But my mother stopped selling Avon when my father died. I remember getting candy from your grandma when we would deliver new catalogs or orders ;)

Edit: A kid never forgets who they got candy from ;)


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Motherfuckers be sneakin sweaters in and shit.


Wow, trying to arrest Tony Blair? Sounds like a complete waste of time. Maybe you should get a real job.


>Which means at the latest Genie could have been trapped in the lamp was ~2000 AD. If he spent 10,000 years in there, it is then AT LEAST the year 12,000 AD when he gets out.

FTFY


Then he should do so anonymously if he's gonna be a cheapskate. Otherwise, he just looks like a greedy prick wanting to do the bare minimum to be #1 on a charitable user list.


That's awesome.  I can't think of anything more frustrating than not being able to hit the target when you know your aim is decent.


Yes, you can use **bold** very good.


EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP


2 valid reasons - fags and fucktards


Quiet down, all of me.


Scots get pissed, Irishmen blow up your car for "freedom".

I don't think he forgot Irishmen.

Edit: IRA bombed my karma. Fuck.


Is this a common thing? Do guys often find toilet paper remnants down there? I feel like I'd notice if I had toilet paper left on my lady bits after going to the bathroom.


I see what you're saying, but I just can't morally say that those drugs are just okay for everyone, I'm not saying it's bad for everyone, but I certainly wouldn't do it


Man boobs are still boobs


Doesn't sound bad at all to me, sounds like a bruise or scrape


He claims to have been roommates with David Bowie for a week.  I still don't know the full story there...


Seriously. Fuck Tom Cruise.


Who's Hernia, and what's she doing in his pants?


This is the fakest thing I've ever read. I'll believe Harry Potter before I believe this shitfest.


Tell that to Gillete.


Whoooo cares. Jesus that was the most boring video I've ever watched in my life. Everyone in traffic is an asshole


"Where do you want to eat?"
 "I don't know."
"Why not Zoidberg's?"


One ticket to the downvote train, please.


Upvoted for correct amount of NAs.


That bitch deserves a falcon punch


If Americans originally came from Europe, why are there still Europeans?


No downvote, you seem insightful, but then you drop a pejorative "retarded" and I lose respect for all you said. Consider a new word please.


YES! Similarly, "I can't get this jar open, honey can you do it?" YES. Yes I can!


HAHAHAHA

Edit: Downvotes really???


Indeed. One of the most interesting parts of reading old journal entries is realizing how temporary your emotions are, even though you believe in them ever so strongly at the time.


Or lets go with the much simpler explanation, that you are a gullible idiot who believes in conspiracy claptrap.


Protip: your gun turns on a full second before your vest does, unless you're stunned (were shot in the gun).

Meaning: you can shoot him while still "dead" and he'll stare at you with a very hurt, angry look in his eye. Then you can fart in his face.


It was unnecessary. No one was feed because of its death. The man should reconsider pig farming in a snake infested country. Nature was there before he was.


I preface this as a gay man, I went and saw Brokeback Mountain with 7 other gay men. Right when the sex scene started, all of us gasped while simultaneously contracting our assholes to the size of a pinhole. The collective and instantaneous sucking of air into the recesses of our colons lowered the atmospheric pressure .0035 atms.


I see what you did there...


don't fuck with drunk munchies


I don't know to be honest, she is in a different department to me, I only heard about it.


Thank you for subscribing to Cat Faps?


How would you react if your daughter came to you and expressed a belief in God, and a desire to attend church?

Would you allow her to believe what she wants or would you push your atheist agenda on her, forbid her to attend a church, and pointedly mention that God does not exist in front of her over and over?


Well since this is such a big request and i've already started whoring my family out. This is with her Husband so it's fair - http://i.imgur.com/Rrlte.jpg


Maybe together we can make a record.


Student becomes the teacher


The moist retarted pun ive heard on hear


Overprotective parents are usually incredibly selfish.


dont poke fun at the crybaby army guy. got it.


*To Catch a Predator*'s newest tactic.


1075 a month isn't brutal when I work around 30-35 hours a week, I just am not working those hours now.  I can easy pull in 100-300 dollars a shift at the restaurant I work.


It takes a great deal of bravery to be a dick to our enemies, but just as much to be a dick to our friends.


lowlyIntern, I remember slapping the shit out of you. Good times. :\ :/ :\


You sound extremely pathetic


Hah, virgin alert.  You've never been with any women have you?

No, 13-year-olds don't have C-cup breasts with well-developed nipples and areola, dark pubic hair, or a *linea nigra*.

From her eyes and hands, she's probably 25.  And she might be pregnant.


Yeah, I mean all the girls I've fucked have been onions...at least I assume so because I cry like a baby every time


Yep, because you are not a voice for all women.

Many women think it is a wonderful complement. I won't stop doing it because some women get offended. Those women are the minority.


Manifest destiny bitch.


I really really like crota hard mode, and if it bugs once go to orbit and restart, makes it less likely to bug again. This artificially hard bullshit is so dumb, people are just mad that it's actually hard and they're not good enough.

I understand not enjoying it due to bugs though.


Do you and John (Jim) have as big a bromance in real life?


OK.

Taking requests for bans from SRS. Form a queue here please.


~80/20 whole to crushed


Apples, gourds, and big fat guts! Yeeeee haaaaw!

Edit: i guess a lot of you are into heavier chicks. Sorry to offend.


She already was logged in brah


i have a even better idea; shut the fuck up, turn 360 degrees and get a life away from ur computer ....


Alligator tears?

Oh, no, that was the crocodile.


That guy is nerdface or aspergerface. But that's ok, make fun of the autists. Edit: Hello TBBT circlejerk


The worst part is how when I get upset over this, everybody looks at me like I'm being hysterical and histrionic. "No, I ACTUALLY legitimately don't like it when somebody puts me at risk of death. No, the fact that we're still alive doesn't mean that that wasn't dangerous."


To be fair, the full meltdown did sound a bit much. Find the dog, then talk about it.


I think you're right.


i wouldn't be so quick to say that he's a nice guy because he says thanks and that others are not as nice because they don't.

imho, he's actually hurting himself by losing focus on doing his job by doing this, at least a little bit. there's a reason no professional players do this.


The change of speed makes for a drastic change upon impact


Not soon enough. Cats suck.


Five dollar foot bong.


Way to just discredit any form of criticism of Obama


Yes with 3 roommates I not only have a free house, I actually get paid $200 a month to live here.


People make mistakes, cut him some slack.

Edit: Note to self, Reddit really *hates* Gingrich.


Thats the problem with ex-wives


What kind of sick fuck aborts a kid?


I just throw it open as widely as I can - get there quickly and it remains open. Don't, and it closes in your fucking face. :D


Just because you value gymnastics more than beauty contests doesn't mean one is objectively better than the other.


Question said human not lizard


Not gonna happen guys. You'll have to forget science and rely on blind faith for this one.


That's actually not such a bad strategy, if you don't mind stumbling upon the occasional horrific pornography.


Who the fuck kicks a ball at a wall for hours and hours untill it is dark? Does the kid not eat or drink? Does he not get bored of kicking a ball at a wall for hours and hours untill it is dark? Seems fake.


I thought that was the punchline?

... arcline?


Oh you are just too precious.


It only starts when a consolefag thinks they are somehow better, I would not have mentioned anything at all till he said something.


There is no reason to keep contact just because you share similar DNA

Burn them off like a blood filled tick


Do you own a tshirt that costs more than $1?

Then please hush up and take your rebellious cause elsewhere.


"I'M TOO SHY TO PUT UP A FULL PICTURE OF MYSELF"

-The Universe


In case you *were unaware* not everyone is as stupid as you, nor spends enough time fucking around on this particular part of the internet to know the etiquette.

>You can't just thrust your advertising dick in our mouths and expect us to start sucking. That's not how Reddit works.

Yes. Yes it is. You clearly don't understand marketing, or a website like Reddit.


Well played Newt Gingrich's Twitter Manager


The only thing the police will do is take a report so that the statistics will be up dated to reflect the crime.

At best: a waste of time.

At worst: during questioning you will reveal something you did that was against the law and you will end up being charged for something.

Best advise: Never talk to the police.


Wise words from your father.


BUT HERP DERP THE HUMAN EYE CAN'T SEE ABOVE 30 FPS!!!!!!!


>  I'd be in a fucking hotel by now.

I really would too. For my own safety and for the total disrespect the husband shows.


Yeah, reddit LOVES beastiality. Blatant beastiality too...


Nah.  They still have to race but they can carry swords.


Someone with a tattoo did something stupid? No wai.


Here you go!

http://i.imgur.com/MpTPPKt.png

1000 hours in MS Paint.


Yeah I hate to be the one to tell you this but... he probably has cheated on you. LD is impossible to do and be faithful. I've never seen it done. Getting cheated on... not the end of the world btw.


And only follows three other accounts, one of which belongs to a random accountant from Texas named Jimmy Duschku. No one knows why.


You'd think they could've dressed a little better for the occasion then...

EDIT: [Downvotes?](http://i.imgur.com/2Rpaj.gif)


No, the original pic was black and blue, the couch he just posted was clearly white and gold.


Those seminars and weekend retreats would have been wasted if I didn't at least memorize the talking points


Beauty's only a light switch away.


This is true? America is home to the best universities in the world, while most of these fuckers burning effigies are illiterate.


So true. I was considering asking mum to make me a sandwich. I hesitated. Now I'm hungry. Oh well.


"Get off my lawn!" FTFY


i've never found an online community more engrossed by incest


*eye roll*

http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Safe_space


Recording the time of delivery has never been more convenient.


people like you are fucking creepy.


Oh man I wish I was tall just so I could do that.


That subreddit shouldn't even exist, its called /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu for a reason.


Dude, Hurricane Eriksen would be a sweet name.


Hints:

- Apple fan

- Lots of money (from trust fund most likely)

- Low IQ

You connect the dots


Next time, on Top Gear!


He doesn't need glow. His head is big enough for the enemy to see them coming for miles.


Worked for my ex wife!

Edit: dank meme, y'all


I literally ROFL-ed!

Upvote for you good sir!


Moral of the story: A towel is about the most massively useful thing you can have in your car.


Call me crazy, but there's an asian system that can tell whether two people can work together or even a team of people. It's widely used by major singaporean banks and life insurance companies - citibank, hsbc, great eastern life insurance.. the list goes on.

I'm wondering if football clubs used this system, how many bad transfers could've been avoided?


What a delightful cake-day post!


You sir get an upmote


he's seemed tired for awhile now. i have a feeling it's been long planned


YOL HOWIBLE!!! GOO GOO!!!


"Search and destroy" is one strategic protocol.


negging is an old school. nobody does it anymore. and when they did, it was really just a form of playful teasing.


I'll never forget the best advice my boss gave me when I was like 16 years old. I had a tendency to say whatever I wanted and always tried to be edgy. Finally my boss pulled me aside and said
"You need to learn to know your audience".
My life changed that day.


I don't like her legs


Bad guy #1 landed on his keys. That shit hurts.


Yeah well I'm sure Sid was well aware of the toys' sentience. He was in the film so he knew how it ended.


haha...I am a bit of a gamer and have been playing a lot of Halo Reach during the offseason. I've said that I would imitate the "T-bag" move that's done on the game after a good ninja assassination kill. LOL. Figured Halo fans would recognize it and like it.


I have great eyesight and I think it's not only silly but downright cynical NOT to expect that.


A talking ring? Nice!


 	A	B	C	D	E	F	G	H

1	♜	♞♙	♙	♙	♙	♙	♙	♝

♛	♚	♝	♞	♜

2	♟	♟	♟	▢	▢	▢	▢♟	♟

	♟	♟	♟

3	▢	♛	♚	♝	♞	♜▢	▢	▢

	▢	▢	▢	▢

4	▢	▢	▢	▢	▢	▢	▢	▢

♙	♙	♙	♙	♙	♙5	▢	▢	♘

	♗	♕	♔	♗	▢

6	▢	▢	▢	▢	▢	▢	▢

7	♙	♙	♙	♙	♙	♙	♙	♙

8	♖	♘	♗	♕	♔	♗	♘	♖

♙	♙	♙	♙♙	♙	♙	♙♙	♙	♙	♙

Edit: Forgot to say "Pawn to g5


I guess if enough people say, "I hope that guy get's cancer," it ends up coming true.


He can still see his kids. The baby and GF can go somewhere else. Dad can get a hotel for the night for the kids. There are other options. But I do not see the judge forcing them to get vaccinated at this point. The father made the choice to make a new baby knowing his current kids are not vaccinated. This was the obvious outcome.


Sincerely,

-boobtits


You deserve that down vote, too.  No "a" in Murphy.


Yeah. It's where I keep my bananas. https://i.imgur.com/J4OFpeE.jpg


it was started on 4chan, and spread as a giant troll..

I don't believe it. :U


> Everyone knows that nothing can hurt you when you're hiding under the blanket.

But that law disappeared as well :(


I chuckled at this. sorry about that downvotes take a
+1


Go home Dad you're drunk


What's your problem? I haven't said anything rude, offensive or nasty, yet you decide to attack me for my preferred style?  The fact you have to insult some you don't know online in order to feel good says a lot more about you


Yeah, that was the REALLY fucked up part. Who the hell does that?


I'd think less of someone who made a joke about my girlfriend being a prostitute, just saying


He tried to steal your heart. Obviously it worked.


Creatine not even once lol xD


I saw a test screening. Can't say anything about the plot but it is very violent and filled with swearing (mostly from Ninja). Also Hugh Jackman's shorts bulge could've bumped the rating on its own.


you misspelled 5 days and Diablo 3.


Stop trying to laugh about it. You have a right to be angry, and they have no dignity.


What a circle jerk.  If we lived in a dictatorship, then this movie would not be in movie theaters.  Words lose their meaning when they are misused like this.


My god man can I buy you a beer or something?


Backfire? It went exactly as I had planned. Got the top link on SRD too.


The saddest part was when Jesse realized that all these years his mother had been buying the beans from the deli and not making them :(


*sigh* upvote...


This kid had it coming. What the hell were he and his parents thinking? Some of the most violent protests his country has ever seen and he's just walking around in the middle of it. Its common fucking sense to keep kids indoors and away from this kind of trouble. I'm fucking glad he got shot, I hope these backwards retards learn something from this.


Seems like "pissing in classroom corner" would have been a sufficient answer to your dilemma.


Are you serious it's a fucking anti aids poster says so in the bottom right. Down vote to hell for your idiocracy [SIC]


Everybody knew he was fine


And I'm I'm middle school how?


Man. Just think I felt a feel.


When reality slapped him in the face with Belichick refusing to put him on the field for being a diva.


It's a bunch of tits. Who can have a problem with a subreddit full of wonderful tits?


keep the downvotes coming. this whole NOPE thing is way past it's prime and it's just a fucking frog with a fucking parasite in its eye.

sissies.


Maybe her ropes are too loose.


It's pronounced "me me" and it when someone is being rude against the popular opinion. Now, that picture of the bear may seem mild but the fact that it is a meme means that the original poster thought everyone likes Allison brie so he is insulting us by presenting an opposing opinion in such a manner.


Why can't bicycles stand up on their own?

Because they are two tired.


I'm commander Shepard, and this is my favourite douchebag on reddit.


At least she didn't double dribble.


i'm disappointed in humanity every time i read about grown men acting like pussies, choking up at every cliche bullshit that movies come up with. How do people like you cope with real life? You must choke up every day at breakfast. 'Oh no I'm out of cereal.. waaaaaah'


I don't want to give a hand job yet i have jacked off 3 times today.


Now, now let's not get petty.


I see your *Django Unchained* and I raise you *Inglorious Basterds*.
That opening scene with the French farmer and his three daughters... The dialogue, the acting by Waltz, and the dialogue just mesmerized me.


No it is terrible, now the  Mac elitists won't shut up about how good their shitty computers are and can also play one whole game now too!


The only issue I see with it would be a person just murdering another person and saying it was a duel.  There would have to be a lot of rules and regulations.


I'm 21 and I still talk to people like that in game just to piss 'em off. It's fun


"Oh you're awake?

I guess that means you need to be...*punished*..."


I would like to see custom game modes be editable in every sense so people can create their own settings (MLG) make a VERY evenly based competitive system. MLG is the only reason these games are as successful as they are. Everyone who plays Halo for campaign and campaign only is garbage. Anyone who thinks other wise prove it. GT: AppSLAP


"Blare your horns of equality at him!"


why warn him? does blizzard own free speech now? he said he was stuck on his race change. the GM should have NEVER brought this issue up unless it was a blatant misuse of the keywords.


This is the photoshopped picture.

You kid, but someone will need this pointed out.


Why did you say "to be fair"?

That phrase has absolutely no relevance to your comment or the discussion at hand.

Why do so many redditors throw around the phrase "to be fair" like a bunch of retards? Do you think it makes you sound more intelligent?


My grandpap once yelled at me for wasting ketchup saying there are starving kids in Africa.  I looked at him,  said "If I am ever starving to death, and you bring me ketchup,  I will kill you."

He laughed and then said "Well, damn, I cant even argue with that."


No, at this point I think it is fictional until someone can produce a believable account, something OP's article doesn't provide.

All I hear is drunk people having sex and sometimes the man think he's the wronged party, for all we know dude in OP's article is the rapist and he's just making pre-emptive rape accusations


TIL people can just buy zebras.


Why did somebody upvote this at all.


If anyone younger is reading this looking for advice, staying in shape as you get older is a helluva lot easier than *getting* in shape. Start early.


Lolz is that where they keeps all their bacon?! <3 XD


>I kid :)

He wasn't kidding.


Comments like this don't go over well on reddit. Most redactors are poor liberals who are convinced that rich republicans have made it impossible for them to be successful. Just something they can blame their lack of success on.


Omg, that's my actual password!  What a remarkable ahhh shit.


I'll drop a deuce in your food and mask it with so much stuff you won't know.

Bonus? I won't post pictures, I promise.

Just sayin'. People get all outraged over stuff like that, and rightly so. They forget however about all the motherfuckers out there that do this stuff AND don't publicly brag about it.


I'm going to abstain from adding any additional puns.


Spoken like a true offended fat girl.


This is great. In the last few days I've finally started seeing more "informative" comments make it to the top instead of some 300-comment-long circle-jerk of jokes...


Internet Exploader?! DAE THINK CHROME IS BetTER?!?!?!


Smuggling kids from one country to another is far less complex than what they did.


Upvote because of "sex"

Downvote because of edit and clarification.  Stand by your word.

Edit: Exxxxcellent - I was craving some sweet, delicious downvotes


Incorrect. O.J. Simpson was the guy in Cool Runnings.

This is Tupac's hologram.


It came out like yesterday, so if you haven't played in months don't act all shocked when something new comes out. Don't be such a hater about free content for an ancient game. also inb4 "valve fanboy" because I have opinions.


In olden days, it used to be typical to bequeath $1 so that, if challenged, the judge saw that they were not forgotten and purposefully meant to not get more. If a close family member or loved one got nothing, they would often challenge they were forgotten. Might not be true in this case but something I remember studying.


This isn't Emma Watson.  Just look at the post history.  I'm guessing she just likes the attention.  Her makeup is good, though!


When they reached in to pull it out with FORCEPS THROUGH HIS URETHRA, he was straight faced the entire time. It popped out, he nonchalantly says "Oh, that stung a little." The crazy was strong in that one.


Oh no, the ultimate sin! My opinion is worse.


Sorry to break it to you guys, but Scarlett Johansson Isn't nearly as hot anymore.

http://deceiver.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/scarjo_weightloss.jpg

Marilyn Monroe look to uh... typical every other actress out there look.


Seriously. Get your own pube shaver.


middle school

even high schooler girls aren't that bad


that's a tough call. my wife couldn't look me in the eye for very long during our wedding ceremony, but it was because every time she did she started to cry (happy tears)


And I'm a dude, that's why your bullshit is very annoying to read.


>But I am le tired.


Oh fuck you! I was just about to say that!


Or just use the grass block, but instead of rightclicking with a hoe to make farm, you rightclick with the shovel to make a road.


You say sad, but I think that shit's hilarious.

EDIT: If someone would care to explain what's not funny about malnutrition causing long-term cognitive issues, I'm all ears. I think it's comedy gold, quite like the movie *Roots*.


Well, we on the same page.

I love this quote.

And also, "*WHAT A DAY!"* I like that one. It's from Charlie, in THE NEIGHBORS.

And also, I see across America, people quoting me. "*OH, WHAT A DAY!"*


Why is it that liberals hate the death penalty for torturers but like killing small children?

Even if he's wrong, he has the right position


If you were Korean this would have been socially acceptable lol.


Am I supposed to feel bad about my comment?

If I was disabled I wouldn't let that hold me back or use it to make excuses. I would roll myself outside. You lost your legs for this country, least you could do is go outside and enjoy it. I won't judge you though.

Sucks you lost your legs though.


That is literally a million dollar idea


You must be new here :P (but true)


Nolan: "But my god does it make a good trailer quote. That's all ***I*** care about."


Annnnnd this is where I stopped upvoting.

Edit: I regret nothing.


"Hey everybody, I've got parkinsons!"


I think you mean that's so Deeeeeezer!

Good ole deezer :D


Hard to tell, but this article was written by someone who should be looking for a different career path.


How can one develop what isn't there?


Let's see how creative you are at getting a job with a felony on your record you piece of shit.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rule_of_law


Nation Calls Curfew "Unfair, Ridiculous"


Yeah? I mean honestly, who gives a fuck about society man, hedonism all the way!


Most good farming land on earth hasnt even been tapped into. Africa alone has enough land to feed 20 billion people, if the land was used like the land in the west.

We will never run out of food, we are too technologically advanced and too wealthy for that to happen.


Good question. Somehow family always knows best.


Read virginia as vagina was confused.
*edit ive never gotten more than 15 karma for a comment before im kind of ashamed it's this one that receives the attention.


Looks like the forever-alone fat people are down voting you for speaking truth.


Interesting, I learned something today. No one I work with had ever heard of this.


I'm pretty sure the CEO of reddit was a special case and done for the giggles (not to mention his post talking about how if there hadn't been a backlash, they wouldn't have removed /r/jailbait and the like)


watching a shitty, compressed version on a small screen of a movie that you otherwise might've loved


EPIC FAIL.

Only Carlin can say those words you dried up, old trout.


TIL homeless is a level of attractiveness.


im sorry we dont coddle bigots enough 4 u


This [picture](http://i.imgur.com/S69MQ.jpg) perfectly sums up my marriage.


But the supposed funny is factually incorrect. He said "did you **silently** break our agreement?"

He would have had to smell him through space, which is scientifically unpossible. And how would it have been the chair? If you're laughing at this, you are wrong.


Man, turning this into a car analogy didn't help at all. I don't know what a Honda Civic looks like, what bondo is, or if 500 is a lot of hp for a motor.

So are you saying it's like an old iron dagger, but with a couple of really great enchantments on it?


Upvoted not for that guy.


I just read a paragraph long comment about the logistics of pissing with a boner. What am I doing with my life.


But she's **not** normal weight! She's very clearly on the upper end of the span of healthy weights for women her height. I'm not suggesting she be maligned as a fatty, but simple logic dictates she ought to be wearing something larger than 'petite', or else what the hell are _actually petite_ women supposed to wear?!


This might actually top the list for today's first world problems.


You're not your

This is why you have a meaningless life.


THIS IS WHY WE DON'T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS.


No, it really is a bad time.

edit: y'all motherfuckers need Jesus


Couldn't up, he's an ass, couldn't down, this is what the topic is about. Sigh, Switzerland it is.


Oh look, this month's flavor of gif spamming karma whore.

Yes that's right.  OP's picture has a word, and that gif has the same word.  Good job.


What is the square root of 666? THE HOLOCAUST!


Dank meme right there mate


You've bested me.  I wept after realizing three videos in that there's no way I can fap to these.


Teh poor menz in this wurld so powerless!


I don't see the joke.


He's right. You're a fucking idiot.


how is /r/nba the whitest sub on reddit


Has it really been reposted that much? I've only seen it on r/harrypotter.


A trick is something a whore does for money.


Sorry?

Just because I wouldn't have dignified the spilling, doesn't mean I wouldn't have done things differently. ^^But ^^I ^^can ^^be ^^a ^^bit ^^twisted.

That's all.


Never, ever, play beirut with any sort of hard liquor. So many popped blood vessels and there was puke EVERYWHERE.


Oh yes it is... and it's about time.
I stopped listening to NPR on the weekend because of these two jerking off on the radio (forced laughter).

[edit] "forced laughter" YMMV on if this is positive or not.

[edit2]  wow so many downvotes...  lets just say that I never found them entertaining.


I want that phrase made into a bumper sticker.


Like fungus, it never completely goes away.

Edit: I feel like I may have been misread as talking trash about soccer.
My mistake, what I meant to say is that I would never waste my time watching the sport, and that soccer fans can go have sexual relations with an octopus.

Edit2: [Looks like this ship is going down](http://i.imgur.com/1ZrVU.jpg).


I'd mine it!

It was super easy a few years ago, any desktop computer could do it and generate thousands of bitcoins. then sell up in November 2013


Are liberals really that naive to believe that Iran will give up nuclear weapons?

Seriously?


You can't die in Canada.


can u give me a copy plz


upvoted for scathing honesty


reddit has been taken over by liberal idiots, who in actuality, are complete fucken ignorant noobs.

q.e.d.


Throw a nice bone in there and you got yourself a stew though.


Upvotes, all of them...take them, please.


Except for Scott, Scott's a dick.


Oooh yea, a nice big federal offense right there.  They've even seen lasers from the International Space Station... wonder if that counts as well.


There's no shame in "crymaxing"


*Panics. Looks all around the room. The windows have changed. They are now bricks.* Cue dramatic music. *Runs to a box containing two awesome, totally badass guns. Begins firing in the manner of a crazed lunatic.* "Ahhhhhh!!!1" *Mouse has been shot.*


Quite simple really.  The message of a mullet is "business up front, party in the back". Ignoring any puerile sexual innuendos, the implication is clear: He works hard and plays hard.

Why else would he only have time for half a haircut?


u nerds get off 2 this shit. who gives a fuck about some stupid ass games, any money u spend on games is a fucking waste. u socially inept retards are the reason this site is going downhill. get the fuck off my website and do something with ur life


If I ever have a kid, the 11th birthday will be the most important. They'll be getting a letter from Hogwarts, and then we'll go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Mostly as an excuse so I can go.


Are people really that pussified? Jesus. Man the fuck up people.


> Its CEO just last year said they make life saving cancer drugs for "the rich people who could afford it".

it's disingenuous to put this in quotes as if it's a direct quotation.


Really?! You don't belong here.


If I managed to find that comment, I'm going to upvote it.


Expected results are not interesting.


That's not vigilante justice that's vigilante reporting to the proper authorities. Which really isn't vigilantism at all. Vigilante justice would be tracking him down and breaking his legs.


They've been able to go to a state since at least ten years to get gay married if having a state approve of their romance was so important to them.

You tell your children whatever fantasies you wish.   I'll instill in  mine the importance of the natural family.


>400 gallons of water in unbaffled tanks

So the tanks had it all figured out then eh?


"was" is the keyword in that sentence.


And he's wearing pants!


He'd give a fuck if they started using lawyers instead of exploding vests. In the mean time I'm glad he is able to do his job. Its a very important job. Acting like an asshole in public.


My friend calls this "Hangry" - and the solution is always having snacks on hand.


the dumplings are "simple" as in they don't use fancy ingredients. its how they are cooked just right, with the crisp, that makes them perfect


*Castle Wars ptsd flashbacks*


fuck you, goddamn meme reciting cunt.


You know what they say about the placebo effect, they more you pay for it the better it works.


OP did ask a question. Just didnt use the proper punctuation.


Yeah, I RES tagged OP as a Repost Cunt yesterday. Just saw this on the front page, came in this thread to see if whoever he lifted the content from would show up. Was not disappointed.


I didn't listen to the audio. Surprised Sid even saw that goal what with a Cup ring and a gold medal shining in his eyes. Yeah, I know he hadn't won either yet, but I like that joke.

Edit: so this is what it feels like to troll people. I can understand the allure.


When I was younger I actually used to enjoy him and his show Mindfreak. Now that I'm older, I can't believe I ever really looked up to that douche.


Stop thinking that world is all roses and peaches.


You silly doo doo head! Ms. Kathy told me so! You liarer!


No, you're not anonymous.  You're just some fag who wants Ron Paul in office and thinks weed should be legal.


Ha Ha,  serves you mugs right, oh and fuck you


If you beat off more than once a day, you're pushing it. Excessive masturbation can cause you to become a faggot.


I didn't get it until your comment. For everyone else: "We're raising [Hell, man]." and [Hellmann's](http://www.hellmanns.com/) is a brand of mayo.


I remember the time he told Dean to "Fuck off" during a game because he was losing. It was in the 89 championship game.
He's not going to miss a chance to get his picture taken.


Totally true. Remember those dudes that Liam Neeson had to deal with in Taken? They were in Paris.


Yes it is, you're trying to make a joke about how the officer "had to rape" her. That's why it's not funny.

You're not being deep or insightful.


I've fucked in a forest once, it was great while it was happening.  Not so glamorous on the mile walk back with cum and clam sauce soaking my boxers.


I'm not sure if you can see i'm not the original poster, but your welcome to come play on the server instead of trolling the dayz reddit thanks!


A level 6 support Annie roaming the jungle.

*unzip*


This shit needs to die. It gets in the way of proper and relevant discussion on serious issues. It's been 9 months, may be it's time to retire this.


You clearly don't understand buying in bulk.

*Rents an air conditioned truck to haul all the butter*


Blame the drivers who are stuck in... because they drove head first across a spot to get to their spot?


Gandhi memorised the Bhagavad Gita and would recite it every morning whilst washing, so he did actually say this line


Coffee should never be hot enough to scald. If you get seriously burned by any hot drink served by another person, you should sue.


Also, how do you know he was black?


YOU MUST BE A STUPID THEIST CHRISTIAN AS WELL. OBVIOUSLY THERE IS NO PROOF THAT GOD IS REAL, NOW HERE'S A PICTURE OF NEIL DEGRASSE (LITERALLY DE GRASSE = CANNABIS) TYSON'S FACE OVERLAID AGAINST A BACKGROUND OF OUTER SPACE.

CHECKMATE CHRISTAINS


PIIISSSS coming from my ASSSSS!


> I help people in need.

That's just completely false. *You* don't *help* anybody.  You facilitate taking money from some people and giving it to others.  But I bet you do get a cheap thrill from imitating some sort of savior by giving money away that isnt even yours.


Smashes windows.

Calls it art.

...

EDIT: I stand by my beliefs downvoters!


this isn`t me lololol


"Now I'm gonna go bowling with my Cousin, but I'll be back tommorow..."


Lol fuck downvoted you without reading the username.


In my high school it was against the rules to touch anybody, but they didn't actually enforce it.


You cannot have over 10 mana.


> Wow, healthcare prices have really come down. Hospital stays used to cost an arm and a leg.

Or so I've heard.


I keep throwing money at the screen but nothing happens!


All telephones are conversation starters.


why does reddit censor this: http://www.reddit.com/info/6ogu1/comments/


I'm a full on rapist.


if you need an explanation for this you are stupid and should stop doing drugs until you stop being so stupid


Proof: I just posted I'm doing a AMA on my G+ profile: https://plus.google.com/116214152295449083654/posts
What I miss most is seeing our beautiful planet


What the fuck? If your family was truly that broke, you simply wouldn't have any money for lunch. I find it hard to believe that as a high school student you have such a shitty grasp on finances that you can't determine whether or not you can spend a few bucks, which your family gave to you, on what they gave it to you for.


My older brother recently shot a quail with a pellet rifle. It died. He didn't want it to go waste so he barbecued and ate it. So I guess you can feel better that you aren't as insane as my brother. Or worse since you wasted its meat.
Edit: Okay so it turns out my brother is an environmentally friendly quail killer.


I know Chinese. Why else would I be watching the Chinese stream?

*Nice downvote brigade for "not contributing to discussion".


No, he's just a little (bi)ke curious.


no, i'm pretty sure the correct response was exactly how i worded it.
it's repulsive. just watching the video i almost vomited in my mouth.

i can see how this thing would get upvoted on the starcraft reddit though. i'm sure the majority of people commending "her" got the shit beat out of them in high school as well.

not just an embarrassment to starcraft/esports, but humanity in general


A buddy of mine ran into him in Vegas a few years back apparently. Ended up partying with him and he invited them back to his house to continue partying. Apparently dick was a major asshole, rocked on blow, and was trying to force himself on my buddy quite a bit. I called bullshit on the story but we were able to successfully prank call him. So I'll believe him


Yes, I taught him how to play...  why do you think he uses my account?  My friends that didn't want to pay $60 to buy the game but still were mildly interested asked if they could login to my account, and for the past year I have let them.  I was teaching them how to play, so naturally they use similar hotkey setups (as those are the ones I taught them).


I'd laugh so hard if PornHub started their own ISP.


It wouldn't have taken "a few minutes" to assess the man's state, though. That punch was more about revenge and anger than it was about protecting the kid.


YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH.


Damn! Good one I was going to say the same exact thing but u beat me


The answer is yes.

I am involved, 100%.

I am part of it. Whatever, that.


I wish i had more upvotes to give for these


My owner's manual's instructions on how to change my battery is "take it to the closest dealer." I'd imagine they could easily do this, but why the hell would they?


I think it's rather ironic that a fanbase entirely reliant on second chances is unwilling to give someone a second chance.


>sit in featureless room, stare at wall

>glad im not overstimulated

>my triggers are safe

Edit: benis  ^XD


2nd degree murder conviction...they'll be out at the very most, in 15 years on parole.

It's Canada and the Justice system is a farce.


I really don't understand why everyone jokes about how long Half Life 3 is taking. As far as I'm concerned, Valve can take as much damn time as they want wit the game, if ya'll mothafuckas finna be bitchin' i gun hit up dat set n busta nigga.


*Republicans* suck?  Compared to who?

Fuck you and your football team attitude towards the issues this country is facing.


I think you're just really full of yourself


Riot does it better. I know it's tabu to bring that name up, but I'd like to belive we are mature enough not to close our eyes. Valve sucks with communicating, look at Valve forums, then on Riot forums, the difference is HUUGE


They need to report him to HR. That's seriously not cool.


A few things here: Obviously you are not going to trade Kevin Love. YOU ARE ALSO NOT WINNING THE EAST. ESPN, wrong on all accounts.


Damn, that is hi-res.


"Have a meme?"

The meme already existed asshole.


Really? Two AM, drunk as hell? One of those chicks wanders up to you and in her voice says something or another about being into you. You would just say, "No thanks" and walk away?

If this is true, I will literally send you ten dollars via pay pal. But not sure how to tell...


finally .. a place for circlejerking that cancerous subreddit.. tnx for this..

EDIT: wtf is this shit.. its r/UNfunny version of r/twoxcancersoms

if anyone knows a proper circlejerk subreddit , tell me... something with: "dae le get raepd today?!" and such shit that makes funn of the bullshit going on 2x


And then it commits homicidal hara-kiri.


I *do* have a question. Why does anybody give a shit about what you have to a say? You're an uneducated, dumb, and low-class nigger. GTFO


I knew a guy who, when asked this question for a job interview with Mcdonald's, answered the following

"Oh, uhh, well, a lot of the time I'm home playing video games so I don't think I can come in all that often"

He also liked to punch himself in the face


You're not clever, you're not smart, you're an idiot.


I've never smoked in my life and I'm completely sober now. This is the highest I've ever been. [10]


Yes, she has fluctuated a lot over the years. She had substantial implants (see the scene) and had them lowered.


He definitely deserved it. House of Cards is incredible.


I was just like, "Little dude, mama has been pulling tricks 27 years longer than you have." FTFY


Hehehehe!

Um... I'm working with Tesla Musk - no wait, Elon Musk - to develop the technology which will allow that. Right now, it's cost-prohibitive - it would be somewhere in the range of $1 Billion dollars. We're trying to knock it down to $10.50.

So sit tight.


Zhonyas is the only ITEM that cancels the tf ulti, thats why


Realistically?  I'd tell him to grow a sack and call his son.  From what I can tell through various social media networks he's still in Mexico and still out of his son's life which is the saddest part of this ordeal.


because iphones are for faggots.


You have no bones, bitch.


Really... it's *always* the most innocent people?  I'm pretty sure this kind of shit happens all the time, but no one notices until a guy into body modification does it.  He's an easy target, I had more faith in reddit.


> Computer

what the fuck


Really guys? We're straight out bullying fat people now?.... This is wrong.


The only possible GW names.


Some people don't like Scrabble.


Christopher TheFistopher Reilly.


Anyone who says something imbecilic like "total calories eaten < total calories spent" doesn't know fuck all about diets. If you can't tell me how this is such an oversimplification to the point where that sentence is complete fucking nonsense then I suggest you shut the fuck up.


I guess karmanaut...

Turned in to *ass*tronaut


In what context can I joke about ripping labia off of women?


But...homosexual is the most correct, least offensive term...


Same reason Barack Obama won't release his Columbia University records  ... there is damaging material in them that show he was a foreign-exchange student from Kenya.


"You three have been chosen to be the first men on the moon. You will face many perils, do what man has dreamed since the dawn of time to do. You will be the first people to ever step on an astral body besides the Earth.... Except you Collins. You watch the car."

Collins: "Aw, come the fuck on!"


The bride cant help the cost of flights and hotel. Travel is travel. Doesnt make you entitled if you dont live in the same city as all of your guests


I want to be able to grab two and suck on the middle one!


Trolls deserve downvotes


Maybe he would've thought twice before walking around his neighborhood looking so *black*.


except he didnt do that, he jumped on an acme rocket, pointed it left, and lit that fucker.


Yeah you know the guy is a pro when he's switching to his knife and back when he knows there are people spectating.


The way you said "Well she is a rioter" made it sound like I should have known that


Same with garden gnomes.


I can think of worse shit, ever seen A Serbian Film?


You sure you aren't just remembering a very vivid dream? I've had that dream several times and was convinced that I'd learned how to breathe underwater. It happened almost exactly as you described.


Standing up for cops, huh?  Psychologists agree that people who stand up for authority (gov't, cops, etc) usually only do so because they don't have many close personal friends to keep them connected to the real world, so they invent these faux-relationships with people "higher up" in society's food chain.

TL;DR  You don't have friends.


That's the fucking Godfather, show some respect you ass clown.


And there are more men than women. So, there are more idiotic men than women. And, if you select an idiot at random from the pool of all idiots on earth, chances are it will be a man.


*Ain't that some shit*


LMFAO! Neutralize Murray? Our o-line is gonna make Suh and fairly look stupid. You can't stop demarco, and if you try, guess what, Romo and the best receiving core in football get to run wild.

I hope you guys do put up somewhat of a fight though, it should be good practice for when we go to Lambeau


They're pretty smart and have seen a lot. You would have to be very convincing before it would confuse them.


Yeah, you'd think people would have learned after the 5,000th time they were lied to.  Nah, just put out some overproduced Hollywood fantasy fake snuff film, released yet again by a Mossad intelligence firm (see: propaganda) -- SITE Intelligence Group, and the morons gobble it right up.

Live in fear, proles.  You're easier to control that way.


i am embarrassed by how emotionally invested i was in that video...


Oh Shit Fuck, My Bad! South North Dakota!


Wow, so I guess they got started off on the Dwight foot.


Really? you want to do that? because that's cool man. Sure thing


It's their money. If it's more valuable to them to not sit in the huge traffic mess after the game is over, then that's their choice.


Hmm...

I don't think I agree with you here. All it means it is properly sets him back what... A week or three, but it isn't anything that can't be handled fairly quickly.


I'm on Reddit and I'm a virgin.


Why do I want an annoying piece of text on pictures? No one cares who made the thing.


Possible in my single days, but some people have told me that they used it (because they kinda look like me). Which is awesome and creepy all at once.


I think the fact that I can count the pixels in this picture on one hand helps too


not yours, but some pictures so people can enjoy how nasty it looks.

http://i.imgur.com/cIBlvp3.jpg

http://www.wackyarchives.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/home-grown-mushrooms-04.jpg


Well yes... But you lost and continue to be occupied.

EDIT: It seems that Ireland disagrees.


Also shouldn't it be required that a legal guardian of a minor being strip search be present for said search?


i know but in the context it was chris lees lifelong dream and then ian also got magneto instead of lee it makes hi seem kind of douchey, lee cant get a break


So sorry to get you into writing.  What a horrible thing to inflict on you.  Should have just sold you crack.


I'll put this as clearly as I can:

Olympic hockey is a beautiful game.

NHL hockey is a garbage sport for garbage people, focused only on fights to try to keep the sport relevant after they ruined it by focusing only on fights.


Sounds like you have a drinking problem.


Yeah, but not being able to turn any of that into a semblance of a job makes me wonder.


Ok let's spill it here. RG3, Trent Richardson, Matt Kalil, Ryan Kalil, Felix Jones, Brandon Carr, Jason Witten, Jay Ratliff, Desean Jackson - did we mention thats just the FIRST episode? Get ready, people. This season rocks.


Any other redditors just LOVING that an earthquake hit a church? Can't make this stuff up. Looks like God takes off on Presidents Day.


BACTERIAL VAGINOSIS? MORE LIKE BADTERROR WHEREMYNOSEIS!


I was just first picked in a captains game over Sumail and Demon, Go me.


If I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed.


Please tell me you are joking. >.>
TES: Arena already exists.


HA. Telling someone to calm down is the best way to induce rage in another person.


Canada sounds like a dump. Lol.


THIS DAY JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER!


fuck , the trend has changed!  Don't forget to downvote if you didn't get it that I was not making a statement but rather beeing ironic in a funny way. . .


Banging Dany and going to Kingsmoots


You know that a program like "multiculturalism" is a great success when people hate it so much that they are willing to committ violence and give up their freedom for the rest of their lives just to try and end it.

But then again "multiculturalism" (White genocide) supporters (anti-Whites) never really cared how people felt about it. They forced it on them whether they wanted it or not.


You have to love what you do.  If you find a job you love, you will never have to work a day in your life.  Also, be honest.  Lying will not get you very far.  The best people I knew were the ones I could trust


Upvote this man, because he found another mundane reason to hate on wow.


I told my niece that magicians don't die! You better not die, you hear me?!


this whole "Republicans are racist" shit is getting old. Paul Ryan's speech was great. Can't wait to see him debate Lunchbucket Joe Biden.


the color scheme is based off the bosses colors


I used to try to force people to live in misery instead of exercising their right to die, like you, but then I took an arrow too the knee!

edit: typo


You have a machete guy?


Her arched back means she only has to lift the weights about 2 inches.

It's seriously unhealthy to arch the back like that while lifting especially when you're still growing.

RIP spine.


Fairly low key truth of dare does not involve jacking someone off


Nothing has not happened as much as this did not happen.


Garbage music for douchebags who say swag and yolo with all seriousness.


**What. The. Fuck.** I called bullshit on this at first. Then when I sang it out loud my mind was totally blown.


Ill advertise [/r/ainbow](/r/ainbow)  on 4chans /b/ for you, does that sound good to you?


...And now people are wondering why a grown man on vacation at the pool is looking at his phone and sobbing like a little girl.


Everyone else upvoted it, but you had to waste my time.


Fine , I'll say the wood stove.  Happy ?


Wrong.  Look up the war of 1812.


No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I bite my thumb, sir.


first ever upvote awared to you, sir.


People get so mad at us that we hold that information to the end though.  Furious.  I think when we reran the show, we started saying it at the top too.  Because we're pussies.


Interesting. Where are you getting this information?


I would watch a sitcom called Fahud in the Hood.


Yeah everyone's a social worker when you tell them to stop being jerks.  Just like everyone's 15 when you tell them the girls they're looking at are underage.  Welcome to reddit.  Stop believing their bullshit.


> She added me on myspace after the cruise.

Top 8?


If it's actually he*

nominative complement, use it.


I wonder what happened long ago that resulted in discovering it would make a great flavor additive?

"Here ma, let me squeeze my beaver's ass over your ice cream - it'll taste much better. You'll love it, I swear!"


I'm sure that already exists...

EDIT: Found it! http://www.bestofferbuy.com/TwoWire-System-Wall-Mount-SoundLight-Activated-Light-Switch-180240-p-65626.html?currency=GBP&utm_source=gbase&utm_medium=cse&utm_campaign=gbase_uk


Chamisul. I'm a model for Chamisul


Since when is it bitter to say congrats?


Okay, well once she is nice and wet from rubbing her clit, the next obvious step is to barely poke the tip of the penis into her pussy. You know, just rub all around it and barely push it in. It creates this longing feeling to just be completely filled up. I swear, once this happens it's less than 30 seconds before I'm begging for it to be all the way inside me.


Yes she's so *quirky*, her songs just *ooze quirkiness*.

And the OP's username is VOTE_FOR_PEDRO!

My gosh, everyone in this thread just seems so *quirky* :D


as a 5'5'' man, there's only so many Frodo jokes you can take before you want to kill everyone...


Of course it will. It's the same complaints that get repeated all the time here. They always hit the front page.


"We aren't cavemen! We have...technology."

*Smashes dollar with computer*


It's in the headlines precisely because no one expects anything from sub-Saharan Africans. [The principles behind the technology are literally so simple that second grade children can master them.](http://www.pbslearningmedia.org/resource/phy03.sci.engin.design.lp_windmill/windmills-putting-wind-energy-to-work/) The hardest part about what he did was the labor involved.


"This is jew smoke. Don't breathe this!"


I used to want things, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I want to watch, but I don't want to watch. I'll just assume her legs snap off.


Oh, I'm pretty sure it was. Bazinga!


Please tell me he didn't have Charizard...


When a person ignores the other person's argument based on their gender.

~~Which is, ironically, what using the expression accomplishes. The double standard is sometimes astonishing.~~
Sometimes people use it for no good reason and then any rational discussion ends and then it's just a guy ignoring a woman's perspective who is ignoring a guy's perspective who is bla bla bla.


**Spoiler: it was all lies**

All of it, lies.

Well, except for that one girl who was pregnant


It's a Kilo TT. it's a cheap hipster bike.


Stands up and joins in slow clap


If dressing up for Halloween is how you properly choose a favorite team, then I think this eSports community has a long way to go.


That one's not surprising though.


lol you can't even link to a specific post you shithead. you just have to link to the SRD circlejerk.


Arts and Krafts, by Bill Bellichick

Edit: Awwww yissss I gotta shiney


And thus you just gave a bunch of sick pedos and wannabe pedos instructions on how to find the stuff they're looking for..


Baby - 11/10

Baby with Rice - Doctor/10


So what's your fucking  problem you whining bitch?


"The Avatar kept balance between the Water Tribes, Earth Kingdom, Fire Nation, and Air Nomads. But that all changed when the Fire Nation stole the Water Tribe's iPod."


I WAN DA NUMBAS N YES, DIS OP IS A FAGGIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Would you accept a collect call from..."MOMCOMEPICKMEUPATSCHOOL"


Rim-

Edit: RIM! Like the guys who make Blackberries. Geez


Don't play with your food.


Because she's hot because of the white part of her ethnicity, not because she's mixed race. Name one thing on a typical negroid that could make a white person look better. You can't!


A real professor would post the link himself to reap the link karma too.


It was the news anchor who laughed

Edit: http://media.giphy.com/media/mht33JU3pc1fa/giphy.gif}


I like to hashtag stupid things because I think its funny. I dont think I've used a hashtag for a legit purpose in my life because I think its stupid. Sorry if this has caused you much grief.


which photos are you looking at? these are mostly pig-ugly


Well, Monica is technically subletting the apartment from her affluent grandmother, so that kinda settles that one.

Chandler made a pretty good sum too so maybe that's it.


SHITREDDITSAYS INCOMING. ALL ABOARD THE DOWNVOTE TRAIN.

edit: I CALLED IT, THOSE FAGGOTS DOWN AT SRS MADE A POST ABOUT IT CAUSE THEY ARE TRANSEXUAL DUMBBFUCKS

KEEP THE DOWNVOTES COMING GUYS, I HAVE GOT PLENTY TO BURN AS YOU CAN SEE IN MY PROFILE.


A guy at my old job did this to me. All I got was a "Hey bro whats good?"
Then the new guy walks in, who is black, and he's all like "Aw shit we got family in the house today!"

I felt so left out


How has this not gotten more up votes? Favorite novelty username of the day.


*sees username*

I'm on to you Voldemort.


wow personal insults.. classy


I hate the term 'African American'

You want to know who is technically an african american: dave matthews and he is white.

you want to know who isn't african-american: colin powell and busta rhymes. Both are black and born to Jamaican parents, Jamaica is not in Africa.

Not all Africans are black and not all black people have African origins.


Except when he's your star linebacker. Yes I'm saying this while our former TE is on trial for murder like I give a shit.


right on those genitals.


No, he's been notified, just chose to not listen because "reddit is free speech."


Some people say it'll spoil the broth.


Misunderstands? Really? I think you "misunderestimated" how important paying attention in your english class was.


ATM: Automated Teller Machine

ATM machine: Ass-To-Mouth Machine


>le Keep it together. le Keep it together. le Keep it together.

FTFY :D


It's cause you stopped to write this. Now you cost him his presidency.


There is a way to properly go apeshit on these drawings. And murdering or blowing up people isn't the way.


Him and countless others.  Good plan.


>Love it, thanks

>Love it, thanks

>Love it, thanks

>Love it, thanks

>Love it, thanks

>Love it, thanks

>Love it, thanks

>Love it, thanks

That's someone's son.


I have replaced all of my human interaction with reddit for efficiency purposes.


There never was an aether. The aether mod is maintained by a mod team and it returned but still, mojang has nothing to do with it. Typical noob.


Desperate attempt to look like a better option than the guy she was with.


It's not the movie, it's the attitude of the guy above.


Why does everyone keep upvoting a picture of a sleeping bag? I don't get it. Can someone explain?


Maybe if you read the comment i was responding to, you wouldnt seem like such a dumb shit.


Way to crack a joke without technically cracking said joke.

Edit: No pun intended.


> Is any comment hilarious now as long as the username *describes* what it says?

FTFY


That's a little advanced for most redditors. I'd start with: bathe.


So why the fuck couldn't you have just found the owners of the cat and let them know it was an issue BEFORE you decided to shoot it? asswipe.


The truth behind this one is that both statements are equally wrong.


It's not that they're not trying, it's just that they're distracted by games they deem more important.


I recommend trying that when you finish having sex instead, to avoid confusion.


You are making that much noise on purpose. It would have been more polite to knock on the door and cut their heads off.

You really don't have enough brain to practice the most basic of manners? You shouldn't be alive. Your life is literally getting in other ppls way.


*What?* That's what "fight to the death" means? WTF


Jerking it does not make you a solo member. It makes you the guy who jerked it on a plane.


*What a good father those boys must have, I'd better go say hi.*


If you like radiation on your face, sure.


There is no way myspace can afford 2 employees


Possible Explanation: Existence of God?

(COMMENCE DOWNVOTES)


BAM, straight to Hitler. This guy doesn't fuck around.


You're obviously not from the Northeast


Thats sad considering I tried to tell my 5 year old niece (teasing her obviously) that the Sun wasnt a star and she laughed at me and called me silly.


That is exactly the point in question. My first point was:If you look like that, to me it is an indicator that you spend too much time at the gym.
Now, enlighten me, and be honest, if not to reddit, to yourself: how many hours a day do you think that guy needs?


"Mister President, your wife!"

"Oh dear me." *drapes handkerchief*

"Sir don't you think she needs medical attention?"

"Out of sight, out of mind."

"But Mr. Presi-"

"Out of **sight**, out of **mind**"


Why so many downvotes? This man speaks the truth.


TIL all photos on instagram are taken in Mexico.


oh look, this comment again again (again)

See, that's how dumb that looks.


Highly overeducated, chronically unemployed mother.


WoW.  Too hard to be worse than behkuh, but I guess she did have HSGG and some others helping her carry.

I'm sure they'd stomp my teams (or lack there of) really bad as well.  But it's just sad to see her get that many kills.


Ah, the old Reverse-Woody


soccer does suck as a sport we have to admit that, it will never become successful like football, baseball and basketball.


Trying to steer away the conversation? Mmmm... So as a Riot employee you're not denying this theory?


**  REMEMBER PEARL HARBOR, NOT THIS BULLSHIT. **


I think that's quite common, I had 2 gfs who loved doing this. Also my mother did this, but no sexytime afterwards


hmmm....yes you're right.  Still a stupid tattoo


Mac?  Is your friend named Dennis?


Ohmy, you're right: "Slice of justice."

On the sandwich: horrid display of human gluttony. Layer upon layer of cheese. Pastrami brine vagina sandwich full of booty grease, disgusting and sweaty. Wouldn't eat for my life. No body wants this miserable meal.

OP I hope you are in recovery for your rampant carnivorism.


Me too.

Now my coworkers must think I'm crazy.


Your lying aren't you? If you aren't cool but if you are I get the satisfaction of knowing you lied


You know what this means? The GOP candidates are FURTHER TO THE RIGHT than Pat Robertson...


all of A sudden.

you're going to hell just for your language skills, shit.


Why, I'm shocked you found any innuendo in that statement. I was requesting that anyone who had a stroke of enlightenment on the issue come and inform us about it.


They still deserve to be cut off. They need to learn who's boss on the road. Me.


...holy cow I read:

>My birthday is exactly 9 months after my father died.

which would be way more fucked up.


Way to turn right around and start sucking his dick.


This got dark awful fast.


Upvoted because what you wrote made me read "Great success" in the borat voice. Everyone can use a little more borat in their lives.


That's because puppies *are* rainbows.


Are nations with death sentence, developed nations ? I wonder, specially knowing the amount of international monetary aid going into the US to fight poverty.


What was the job? New office manager?


BANG BANG

HE'S DEAD

BANG BANG


Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:
“Windows frozen, won’t open.”
Husband texts back:
“Gently pour some lukewarm water over it.”
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
“Computer is really screwed up now. "


Convince yourself of whatever you feel like, bro. You've deflected in nearly every comment you've made and blamed others instead of looking at yourself. I don't expect that to change.

Not caring about handling it the proper way and whining about women instead is beyond irrational and pathetic.

You've always been pretty unprofessional and toxic. Carry on.


Cheap and effective haircut


If you watched the video it's clear that Reynad is a fucking creep.


Don't worry, not even the average ones will like you.


Atheists claim that it is an absolute fact that there is no supreme being or god.

Agnostics say that atheists are probably right but that proving it is not possible.

*EDIT*  Those modding me down should look at the definitions first:

* [Atheist](http://www.google.com/search?q=define%3A+atheist)
* [Agnostic](http://www.google.com/search?q=define%3A+agnostic)


Peanut butter and jealous.


Maybe because after all the other stunts Top Gear had pulled in the past, the BBC had no reason to believe them? Downvote away...


Yep, poop is usually what you find in an asshole.


All of them.
I don't watch TV to look at people that I have to look at on a regular basis, I watch TV and movies so I can see beautiful people like Jennifer Carpenter and Michael Hall


Website doesn't exist =(

.....Not that I searched for it.


Let me get that for you.

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=boobs


god damn it I wanna make a pig happy now :(


Thanks totally already saw the game.

http://www.reddit.com/r/DotA2/comments/2v1d3s/we_need_changes_in_tournament_scheduling_and/


Well, he showers more than once every four months, and doesn't stand in front of her during conversations with his friends.

You kidding me? This guy's a winner!


Saying that there is no god is like saying that there is no intelligent life in the Andromeda galaxy. There's obviously no way of knowing that information in the foreseeable future, but people like to make assumptions.


>WILLOW: That’s what I do with novels. There’re no novels that I like to read so I write my own novels, and then I read them again, and it’s the best thing.

>JADEN: Willow’s been writing her own novels since she was 6.

Wat?


Luckily Reddit doesn't let that happen :)


Nah, we screencap and upload to imgur so people will actually look at whatever it is we've posted.


Thank you. You are correct, author is pedantic douchenozzle.
Downvote me? Oh yeah, I know you feel like its not true, and you're hoping he'll become friends with you or whatever but the point stands- even when you understand exactly what the author of these comics is talking about his tone is excruciatingly arrogant and know-it-all and downvoting me doesn't solve that, now, does it?


Have you ever experienced a meme? I've inserted a humorous juxtaposition of specific vocabulary words (same as this meme I presume) into a formulaic syntax. It didn't take long to receive upvotes, and let me tell you, the lulz *were had.* Honestly it felt like I didn't know where I was going with this sentence.


yeah lets see your shitty water colored paintings capture this novelty account!


Speaking of weeks in the past, weren't you that guy who spelled his own name wrong on that letter to Obama?

Edit: Link for the curious

http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/2x9zvi/president_obama_thanks_redditors_for_their_help/coyaibj


Are you jealous because she is getting more karma than you :)


I have the whole set, and the book with illustrations! It's cool. I only have the original five though.


How did you know I have a huge nose?


Why? He doesn't go that far in


are you retarded or just stupid?


I don't know, Ted, why don't you try it.


Yeah... He probably is. It's actually pretty damn difficult to get alcohol poisoning to the point of needing medical attention.


but even if you lose, tits!


You're an Advocate for Lucifer.


You know what they say about big feet -

dude makes some good games


What the fuck are you talking about? Did you even read the article? It's so interesting.


High school slut here, rumored to be a virgin. It's cool.


It's just gore.  This shit happens hundreds of thousands of times every day.  It's unpleasant, not uncommon.


World Star Hip Hop = Black YouTube

-A Black person


This is like the 4th time. I'm used to it by now. The best part? All 4 times pertain to that one thread. I haven't done *shit* since then and SRD just can't get enough of it anyway it seems.


Upvote this comment if you love Justin Bieber.


I hope if you ever do have kids one day then you will have a different outlook.


I'm going to tell you exactly what my parents told me when I was in my first motor vehicle accident, and how all parents should be. "Why are we so calm? Don't worry, insurance can cover the car. We can replace a car, we can't replace a child." That was that.


That "cand ownvote" part was actually the only error in the sentence that wasn't on purpose, but I left it in since it fit. I just thought I'd join in on this downvote submarine, and see how deep we can go. :D


My father in law is 91.  When we bought his new TV, they asked him if he wanted the extended warranty.  He said "I'm 91.  Why would I need an extended warranty?  I don't even buy green bananas anymore".


You have been wrong your whole life


Mitch was genius,

"This shirt is "dry-clean only" ... which means it's dirty."


True story: no he won't.

People here think if you even look at someone squating with bad form you'll lose a knee.


Mark Ruffaloldier.

I'm so ashamed right now.


*Edit 3: I deleted the original comment as to remove some of the confusion that people think I was deliberately making fun of someone's lost loved one when I assumed he was using a meme incorrectly. Sorry for the trouble. Have a nice day.*


"It's a compliment."


I am. She is a bit of a bitch with a huge superiority complex.


TIL "Sick cunt" is a wacky catch phrase.


You're right. Wasn't intentional on my part, tho. Doesn't change anything, either. These are just 3 of many, as well. No one seemed to say anything about the kissinger quote, huh? How you guys gonna try and turn that one into a positive quote. Lmaooooo


Definitely. According to reports, her eyes were that colour because of massive internal bleeding.


I don't give a shit what you think about my hat.  This thread is filled with egocentric teenage twats.


It makes perfect sense. Atheism is the lack of belief in a higher power. You are the highest power, so you don't believe in a higher power than yourself.


Nope. Definitely bad use. This meme just keeps getting worse and worse. It's simply an excuse for homophobic and racist comments to be passed as somewhat PC. It's just ridiculous at this point.


Bu....But the America sucks circlejerk is easy, low effort karma.


Now, now... It would be totally acceptable to call a bunch of Quaran burning Christians from the USA a bunch of savages, but don't you *dare* say that about these underdog Muslim people who are just stoning somebody to death as their peaceful religion dictates.

Always remember:

* Talkin' shit about dumbass Christians IS OK
* Talkin' trash about homicidal Muslims IS NOT OK
* Amirite?


Yeah, the Sun is, um, er, a bastion of high quality journalism.


Tyrion shoots Tywin with a crossbow and kills him.


He refused to interact with us at all unless it was on camera, and even then it was pretty minimal contact, so hard to say. But my gut says yeah, total tool.


lol. no I'm not going to expand on my reasons. I do think you're being a dick, though.


"I have the strangest boner right now. "


I used to question people, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I was once at a party where a kid brought himself a handle of everclear and drank it straight out of the bottle. I've never seen him again.

edit: speeling*

edit2: *intentionally misspelled


Holy shit, why does anyone find this funny?


am i truly the first to notice the username?


He's not an asshole. Narcissistic cunts murdering their own children for the sake of their "career" (ie assistant manager or secretary at some shit place making 40k a year [careerROFL]) are the fucking assholes.

Fuck off


Seriously, fuck them. Last concert i went to was Rockfest in Kansas City, MO. 15 bands, tickets were only $35! Great deal right? NO!! Bought the tickets through ticketmaster (I had to) and they slapped me with a $10 service fee and $5 shipping. Fuck them.


Refer to the last 3 sentences. If still unsure repeat. If still unsure after 30 minutes seek medical attention on how to never reproduce.


While this is extremely hilarious...

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

YOU DON'T PUT MAGNETS IN YOUR ASS.


lol yelling

edit: New York is REALLY, REALLY expensive. South Texas is REALLY, REALLY cheap. :D I yelled for you.


His wife was too good for him. It's amazing and sad how devoted she was to him till the end.


i went from 2000 comment karma to -700. I didnt know this was possible.


>There are "strict" "laws" to "protect" you from "retribution."

FTFY


>Thank god Bernie is an independent

Bernie Sanders [is an out-and-proud member of the Democrat Socialist Party.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernie_Sanders)

He is not an independent.

He is the last actual card-carrying Communist in the U.S. Congress.


A FOOT BALL PLAYING KING IN SPACE


>And why would the guy give a fuck about her hair of he "came" on her face?

Earlier:
>I love how she moved all her hair out of the way while being passed out. Oh wait, she's awake and that is some fake looking cum.

Look how retarded you are.


Making the consumer *smarter*


It's called fucking self control.

How fat are you?


All aboard the downvote train! Choo Choo!


We've all gambled on a fart and lost.


Your aunt being a bitch has nothing to do with her being a feminist. Please don't be insulting to feminism, or allow one person to give the whole ideology a bad name.


I've heard of doctors prescribing people with a cold amoxycillin antibiotics just to shut them the fuck up and get them out of their office.

Those doctors are not helping.

Edit: giving someone a placebo as a prescription when they aren't part of a trial is unethical and illegal - even if it's probably a good idea.


That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works. Search up the Tumblr-4 Chan raids of 2014.


Aw, that's heartbreaking.


We speak American here.

Edit: lol


Fellow vagina owner - I second this.   I can feel the sting of rejection just looking at these photos.


Here's a real reply:

> *you're

But your right.

EDIT: Dammit.


Correct. People who respect you, deserve respect in return. People who do not show respect, do not deserve it. Jeremy was receiving respect but was was not returning respect.


Psh 225 shouldn't be a problem at that age. That's really sad if you can't even get it off with the help of a spotter. This is Darwinism at it's finest.

[EDIT]
Not really sure why the down votes, but ok.


She's more like the spare tire in the trunk and the camera man is AAA hoping they still need additional services


I didn't see any breach of sovereignty from Russian side too. Although a lot of manipulation and faux news from the west.


I do t have strong feelings about them. They were against the military occupation, which annoyed me as I wasn't military


I'd like to hear your excuses for all 6 of his sub 1,000 yard seasons. Obviously if a WR has one 1,000 yard season in a seven year career then it's not just a system issue. The guy was mediocre and injury prone.


"When you die, it does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by *how* you live, *why* you live, and in the manner in *which* you live."

That's fucking powerful


Ah, see that's another thing going over your head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0B1ufyXOds

You see, I was referencing the gender of the person saying "it's a bird"

Not everything is about you snowflake, run along now.


"OMG I forgot my expensive smartphone at the entrance!  My dad is going to kill me!"

Your friend is dumb.


It seems like it's cool to call gamers sexist nowadays. I can't wait until the fad blows over.


To think, if I had been born two years later I could've been Tom Hanks' son.


I don't think you know what "eye fucking" means...including the people who upvoted


Kevin, your parents told me I am a pleasant woman!  Would you believe it?  They can see the good in me, why can't you?  Please call me back or text me or something, the ropes cutting into your parents wrist are starting to leave permanent marks.  I don't want this to ruin our chances together.


To be fair, every phone screenshot submitter is an idiot as well.


I'm Indian, and I frequently try to convince people that the red dot IS to shoot laser beams at people.


nah... the planes do most of the work.


I'd rather wait, thank you.  There is a reason I didn't put on pants today.


You should probably start giving 100% now. You're only 5th and it's getting near the end of the season.


Thanks, I had no clue what this was about


I'd ring that belle. *nudge nudge wink wink*

Wait wait wait... Now hold on a second there, how old is she in this pic?  I have my boundaries.


Fiancé = male

Fiancée = female

EDIT: accents


*it's called soccer since america more relevant then any country in EU


This guy consistently fucks me over time and time again.


First of all dumb fuck im a woman, and second, I have better things to do in my day then to receive "karma". Get a life pussy


You sick son of a bitch.


The thing I hate about Wade is he is the first player I'm aware of that started that thing where players pump fake, the defender jumps, and the shooter jumps into the defender to draw a foul.


I played Minecraft back when Notch posted it on /v/. This was back when it only had the creative mode.


It's your life. We're not pawns. If you make a ton of money, of course you deserve to keep it.


If they just make shit up and his ass gets canned for being a sexual deviant, i can get him estonian or croataion documents(his choice) for 3.2k USD.


not really, men are the worst


At least you can tell people you almost killed a girl with your dick


He still sounded like a retard.


43% is the amount of money that we are printing and borrowing, so 43% is the amount we need to cut from federal spending.


Man that would be amazing! /s


Extending on that though, death in general making people saints. If they were a piece of shit in life they're just a rotting piece of shit in the ground.


ugggggggg i wanna throw up


You dont have to be on drugs to be addicted.


I thought I was going along with it. :)


mom: "i left some leftovers in the fridge for while i'm gone."

dad: "who wants mcdonalds?"


i know that i am going to get blasted for this one but, you do realize that global warming has been scientifically proven to be false right?


What's the best thing about an Ethiopian blowjob?

They always swallow.


people played this game ever? It looked like a god awful UO clone.


That's called a pescetarian.


You must be thinking of someone else. I've never done anything for karma.

EDIT: Oh, you linked to my post. After reading that you still think it was for karma? You must be a fucking idiot.


"you moved like they do."

-trinity


I felt they both made equally many mistakes but TvP is more or less hopeless in the late game. You cannot afford to miss a single HT, yet they cost almost nothing to Protoss in the lategame, you can have 7-8 of them spread out and even if they all get caught, like they did, without an observer you just ... build 8 new ones instantly and wait the 20 seconds it takes for them to storm.


I hate those hamsters, and my hatred burned brighter when they released their latest ads where the tubby male hamsters turn actual female hamsters into model perfect female humaniods. Hamsters shouldn't be considered "sexy" to anyone.


I'd like to anally it's not rape-rape Whoopie Goldberg with a fucking baseball bat for making that fucking ridiculous claim.

If drugging a 13-year-old and anally fucking them isn't rape rape ... what the fuck is?

Democrats will go to ANY length to excuse the criminal behavior of their comrades.


If that's a knock knock reference, you win.


Sure, you may have memorized sections of it, but to recite it verbatim and have the punctuations in the exact same positions as the copy/paste is highly improbable. So you're a liar and a motherfucker.


Yeah, but the people who are alive during space exploration will be saying "Dammit, I wish I was alive for time travel, it's only a few hundred years away. Pisses me off."

It's all relative.


Welcome to /r/behindthegifs


America, the amount of rage you are inducing in me is approaching the point of no return.


I learned a valuable lesson.


you're contracted by a porn company. the penis insurance is to make sure that if you break your dick and can't work, that the company still gets paid

unless you have some kind of agreement I doubt that you'd get any of the money. maybe a nice lil severance package but that might be it, if at all


you mean your obama phone has a limit???


Even 4chan can't decide whether that was real.  There seems to be evidence in both directions.


i don't hate him, but i dislike him.. and nah its for a reason, i just don't care to explain really.. but i watch every laker game and have watched most the last 9 years.


And parents...really?


Kinda like what Chara did to Pacioretty?  Just a gentle redirection.


I was the only one to go with my grandmother. My sister was my only biological sibling. She refused to leave my mother. She also never got more than a verbal scolding. The other 4 siblings were step brothers who lived with their dad, my mother's husband.


check your empathy privilege you ableist scum


Tiny little ear dildos...


his movies always end badly, if you know what i mean.


hahahha. YES!! When I was younger I called one "momma" and the other "mommy."  However, as I got older I found this to be too childish.  The number of times I said "Mom. NO, not you the other one!"  millions


... I think it's done if they are presenting it as a finished product.


oh god I dont have a belt. I leave it open and free. The joys of living alone.


In order to fail a drug test out of competition you have to test positive for an out of competition banned substance, which Jones did not. I have no idea why you are trying to tell a blatant lie.


The astronaut selected to take the first steps on Mars.

And thanks for getting Space Chronicles. It's here if anybody else is interested:

http://www.haydenplanetarium.org/tyson/buy/books/space-chronicles


> From Reddit, the Internet's official judge.

FTFY

Edit: Wow you guys really dont like this comment, but no replies?


Whoa.

As an east Indian woman myself, I say this with apprehension:

I've had a dream where I did this exact same thing.

O.o


See....I'm American. I don't watch soccer.


> Albert Cleary: He possesses the uncanny ability never to wrinkle his suit.

Most useful superpower.


The Catholic Church also was behind The Crusades and protected pedophiles.

...So there's that.


I feel like someone with AIDS tricked your friend in to having sex with them.


>[DO NOT POST PERSONAL INFORMATION ON REDDIT, LET ALONE THIS SUBREDDIT](https://pay.reddit.com/r/cringe/comments/121vaz/do_not_post_personal_information_on_reddit_let/)


>Totally got her, though. lol

You unremorseful bastard.


Implying you know what trolling means, there is a difference between trolling and stating your opinion.


As an italian, I will be conferming this in a minute


Redditor for 1 day? Fuck you.


Well, so much for thinking that Todd was a cop.


I'm from the US and I'm rooting against them. Its mainly because I hate watching the NBA though.


I love Andy. He's so quick with such great jokes that don't over shadow Conan.

One of the best co-hosts I can think of.


Wish I could double upvote you, sir.


You're a frood who really knows where his towel is. Thanks again.


Or start specifying a distinct number of days.

Edit: I need to stop typing things that sound good in my head.


Someone having a very awkward experience.


Say what you will- most of that is fair, but no external storage or USB ports on the ipad has and will always be pure greed. Heaven forbid I have a dissenting opinion, here come the fanboy downvotes.


At least you had time to hit save


More like disgusting.
[edit] Ohh I didn't mean to sound so... No yes I did this is fucking gross.


Along with waiting, or just about any service job that gets paid mostly in tips.


>"In order to work here, you must prove yourself by prying your nametag out of my balls"

FTFY


Don't worry dude, white guys get that too. I'm the most innocent looking guy, but I still worry that just hearing my footsteps behind her will scare her. I usually just cross the street to avoid worrying about it.


Yeah, how terrible that would be...


As a wealthy doctor I don't see what is so scary about it?


ME MY MO MATTY I SMELL A FUCKING FATTY


You and Jim Carrey snorted cocaine from your bosses asshole? That's impressive.


Did you actually read the article?

It's referring to the time he was passed over in 1992 when he auditioned to be on the show.

EDIT:  in fact many listed in the article have been on SNL following finding fame.


Next game: a turnaround fadeaway 3-point dunk


What the hell?! Since when is Ariana Grande hot?


I'm a 2nd year medical student at UAMS, and I just want to thank your family. Our cadaver program is anonymous, so we never have the chance to thank families personally.

We hold a vigil at the end of the year to honor the people that gave so much to our education. Around the UAMS campus you can find trees and gardens created by each medical school class to honor these individuals.


^ whyyoushouldmakejoeytopmod.txt


Ok honey,now grind my character for 8 hours.


You're forgetting a few countries there...


Even after being told BY THE COMPANY "This is literally shit in a box, do not buy it." And then being mad about getting shit in a box. THEY DIDNT EVEN LIE. I find it hilarious and hope every single person who bought it feels like a moron.


Yeah, same question from me. This belongs in /r/cringepics


You wanna know how it's ubiquitous?  I've never seen it and I still know what you're talking about.


+10 actually, I just enjoy a nice internet trolling session.


Since when is it disrespectful to tell someone they are wrong when they are? You gotta figure it out somehow. And you won't be able to unless you're at least open to the possibility of being wrong.


Raiders of the Lost Arse.


Nah I'm not an AIDS loving sissy cuckold like you


Only on the Internet will someone actually respond to the president of the united states with, "damn right you are".


Why do you talk if you don't know what the fuck you're talking about?


I think she went to the wrong website.


MOMMYYY DA PEOPLE ON DA WEDDIT SAYD PUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT WEDDITORS CANT GET DA PUSSY IN WEAL LWIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!


Yeah I thought a similar thing except I do speak English so it was more like "what a dumb saying", but now that i know he got a monkey it's all better.


"Great idea" - said those who understand the science and social issues behind the decision.


I wash mine when I can smell them while sitting.

If the smell of the jeans is noticeable to me, its time to wash them.

My current pair has never been washed, I bought them like 2-3 months ago.


I don't think this is going to be a very successful username-comment-combo when it comes to karma..nice try though, an upboat for effort.


He (friend) was helping his family make some food for their Easter dinner in the kitchen. My friend was walking behind his dad when all of a sudden the dad turned around with knife in hand and accidentally caught him in the arm. The force of the turn shoved it in so deep. That's the explanation he gave me.


TBH that is kind of fat


I've never seen a TL;DR for two sentences.

TL;DR Surprised at seeing a TL;DR for such a short entry.


I see what you did there. ^


yeah, but only from fat chicks.


I was unsure at first, but given more than half of all comments were "DOWNVOTED you mad?" I am sure now this subreddit is complete and utter shit.

It could of course also be the starcraft community in general that is shit, but reddit sure is good at bringing out the worst of them.


I like how you make divorce sound like you're selling off an old Honda


And he just scored his first goal in like 7 games and we've won all of those save against Spurs.


I just imagined a scenario where, the second she touches her lips to his penis, he screams with rage and ejaculates EVERYWHERE.


Of course it was a joke, but that doesn't mean it's not still rude :P  "Being a joke" doesn't change the words that are said.


We wrote an outline, but keep getting too high to write it.

Honestly, we're going to write it this Fall.  I promise.


Oddly enough, I never heard of likes pro before, I didn't know that kind of thing even existed. Although I don't see the repercussions to it, if more people hear my music than I guess it works out for the better. I was just really curious as to why there were so many middle eastern likes.


It really showed how weak this whole Alexandria group is, Glenn dodged like it was nothing and within minutes Daryl and Glenn had both those guys on the ground with the rest of the group around ready to fight


Someone sounds like a 12 year old. How cute.


aren't.... the books... game of thrones spoilers... ?


No.  If you can take off the lab coat at 5 and go back to believing in spooks in the sky when you die, you're not a scientist; you're a part time lab-worker and part time delusional kook.


Is dumping an unresponsive kid into freezing water standard procedure?


I hate it when people call them mall cops... They don't pursue murder suspects, they chase teenage girls that are stealing 15 dollar jewelry from target


if girls are telling you how sexually unsatisfied they are and you aren't good friends with them, you could probably stick in their poopers.