crazy, right!? Also noticed you're a frequent poster in /r/cripplingalcoholism .. according to you guys, /r/drunk is for pussies and weekend warriors. What are you doing here!!

  Edit: thanks for the gold!! gonna use this to buy another stripper


I'm an atheist n that right there was extremely stupid


*Whatever mom, its DragonForce, you wouldn't understand*


As I said, it all depends on the the code already implemented. I can only see the frotend battlelog code and as such just made a rush ball park figure with Android and the TCP/IP communication I wrote.


Back to 9gag where she can be treated like a m'lady


Sometimes you have to shoot it in **le** eye WITH skill and quick thinking.

 xDDDDDDD lmao


"I just came here to deliver a pizza."


its my cakeday its a day for me to take old shit out of my b folder and whore for karma


So much this.  You feel like you are completely losing your mind and don't care about anything at all.  You tend to behave uncharacteristically because you believe you won't live long enough for it to matter. You want a quick fix. You believe being in a relationship will solve all your problems and make you "happy" again. You believe you used to be happy.


HA HA IT'S FUNNY IF YOU MAKE FUN OF DEAD PEOPLE. BUT ONCE YOU SAY NIGGER YOU GET DOWNVOTES!


The "respectable" papers won't touch this story.  At least not in the U.S.  It's got quite a bit of traction in the UK though.  No one here wants to admit that the power elite could be kiddy fiddlers, although I'm not sure why.


OP isn't a fag when he's a faggot. Then OPs hetero.


> "Since you won't be able to hear the sirens, you'll just have to listen extra hard for them."

Sound logic.


what about the legitimate randoms people do? they shouldn't be kicked


I was thinking, "That is the neckbeardiest neckbeard who ever neckbearded."


Dear niggers you're not safe I shoot and gut filthy scum, niggers and autistics


"okay that's fine, i don't need to push the cup off the ledge, i've got other shit to do anyw-PSYCHE!"


Ummm...he didn't say anything about shoving it up his ass while masturbating...but we now know how **you** masturbate.

**HEY EVERYONE Tmbgkc SHOVES THINGS UP HIS ASS WHILE HE WANKS!"

EDIT: bring on the downvotes morons. i LOVE Them...seriously.lets see if we can get to -200. Come on!


... Once I transformed into a large campus of learning...


It took you this long to think of a "your mom" comeback? You, miss, can do better.


If one day u come to Brazil, São Paulo, I'll pay u a beer


how did that not have an upvote LOL.


Friends like that are always the best friends.


Welcome to /r/wow the subreddit that upvotes idiotic, outdated graphical glitches, and downvotes actual information that Blizzard made known at Blizzcon.

Worse than /r/2007scape.


**PUT YOUR DICK IN HER**


The mom's position is actually good - science books change all the time; atheists can't make up there mind as to what they want to believe. Theists beliefs are like a rock; with God, one has certainty and stability for one's whole life. The fact that atheists reject this sort of stability tells me all I need to know about there various 'theories' ...


god i thought it had a happy ending then BAM right it the emotions


Looking at the risk taken.. the pic deserves it!


Could be true. A couple girls wrote a blog about how they would go on 5 okcupid dates a week to get free dinner (or match or fish), and then they would blow them off or say they had a boyfriend.

They said in NYC it saved them a few hundred dollars a month and they got nice dinners most days of the week.


He might be annoying, but he's one of the best wow players of all time. Credit where credit is due.


Your dad was stoned and wanted to eat with a buddy :)


http://i.imgur.com/r8uDG.jpg

maybe you can't scroll zoom on safari but you could zoom in to comfortably fill the screen, but hey rock that default OSX layout


I cannot imagine why she was creeped out


Following? Ha! Quit flattering yourself, your ego is big enough already... You're just fucking *everywhere.*


I feel like the sort of guy to jerk off into dressing doesn't really have a whole lot of opportunities to get stds


Actually buildings that look like that with those flags are often where you can get your fortune told.


If I had a gun, and two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I'd shoot Toby twice.


Oh boo hoo, the widdle troll is sad because he can't bring up a cogent point to anything. I belong on 4chan? Oh my, that's a new one. Tell ya wot, m8; I's already there!

You're a troll, he's a troll, **every one's a bloody troll**.


Best reply of any AMA ever.


I know you're just making a pun and maybe I'm just a tad drunk but phrases making fun of wives and women needs to stop. I'm tired of the things that knock them down. My wife is badass. She's a strong person who can be completely independent of me. *That's* exactly what I love about her.


Not only they're extra fast, they're also really hungry!


I just spit rum+coke on keyboard...


Because if you looked like that, these kinds of photos would exist of you too.


On a logical level - 'Philosophy' is garbage.


He still is, by the look of things.


hear hear. there really is no reason for women today (in the west anyhow) to get 'accidentally' pregnant what with the range of birth control methods around. I've had the coil for about a year and for the first time since starting to have sex I feel in control of my body. I suppose really I've taken responsibility for myself. amen to that!


Think of all the warn out Internet tubes because of him. Monstrous!


I pirate them. They make it too easy for me so I can't resist. Haters gonna hate.


Yep, also the fact that of course it fucking is.


Then marssaxman should have said that all of RMS's software opinions turn out to be right. But he didn't.


Oh man. This reminds me of the time I out-ate my current boyfriend, his frat brothers, and a few ex-marines at Golden Corral. It was glorious. I'm a 5'1, 100 lb girl. I did not get laid that day either.

Edit :: "I ate more than" does not have the same connotation as "out ate". You people have dirty minds.

Edit 2 :: Added hyphen. I have never seen it hyphenated before.


There's always free to play games for paupers like you. Sorry about your dire financial situation.


Working there is by far the worst punishment they could give her.


Gotta keep the hate alive, I guess...uhm.


>I) I don't find the others funny.

This is fucking awesome.


Wow, did you come up with that all on your own?   -1 point for originality.


You might not have turned 80% of guys 100% gay, but you probably turned 100% of guys 80% gay.


"Except for the fact that he's passing it off not mentioning it's duped, asking a lot more than he should since it is a duped hat."

Except that's false.


As opposed to a falling cooked mango....?


Saw that one cumming.


Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms!


this needs more upvotes.


"SIR PLEASE STOP VOMITING YOU'RE MAKING THE CHILDREN CRY!"

"NEVER-SPLOAGHHH"


YOU STOLE MY JOKE!!!!!!!! i fucking came here to say just this fucking damn it


I'm working towards my PhD in dog psychology- every case is different of course, but I believe that dog does *not* want the low-fat jerky.


I'm sorry but that's a stupid opinion on your part


The website of my childhood, introduced me to such works of art as "End of ze World", "Ultimate Showdown", "Banana Phone", that "badger badger badger mushroom mushroom SNAKE" thing and so many other great flash videos


Fat people are delusionally confident, they think they're healthy (haes) and want all men to find 300 pound women attractive, insult all normal girls, and call guys gay for not finding obeasts attractive.

Smokers just smoke and go about their day. None of them stink to haes level of delusional

Edit: no one ITT can prove me wrong


Rule SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET THE STUPID MEME DIE ALREADY YOU FUCKING WHORE


The amount of women who think they pee from their Vagina is surprising too.


You think you're being sarcastic.


Yes, you may have this.

Unfortunately, it seems to be tethered to my naked back, so you will have to wrap your arms around me to get it.


Just as I'm downloading the...

*ding*

...new episode. Well thanks for ruining my week moxiedrinker82 you fuck you.


I bet all the ladies love the 4chan Ambassador.


Our playground was mostly concrete, and we played British Bulldog.

**Edit: This is my most successful comment of all time, in karma *and* number of replies, it's nice to see that this game was so popular.**


"[*Panca*](http://i.imgur.com/iuFHn.gif).. wait.. *pickaxe?* Never-mind.


Right. There's only [one correct orientation](http://ofthehearth.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/toilet-paper-roll-sitting.jpg).


I also got this message from one of your mods

its more like a circlejack. our victims deposit their sperm in a condom in the center, and one of our operatives hands it out to one of our ovulating gynosaurs.

that way we're achieving maximum child support per child, as all of the males have to pay for 18 years. its literally like slavery. fuck i love feminism.


It's socialism when it benefits the poor. It's fiscal responsibility when it benefits the rich.


you fail b/c its from tv. although I still lol'd, so win there.


>"I don't want to go to your baby shower, I hate babies"


"You'd win a law suit against these people." - You are fucking retarded.

Just read the T&C's/ToS. The amount of idiots who think like you are insane, derp never read there T&C's and have got fucked over but in the T&C's they say they can do that but who cares right derp cause I dont read that lololol.

Get a grip


WILL SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE FAMILY WHO ORDERED THE PIZZA?!


His moderating skills are so bad.... they're ironically good.


Oh they knew. Your mom just didnt have the heart to tell you. She probably cried about her pervert of a son. Now i'm just gonna let that sink in.


Both were in the NFC championship and no further.

I don't think either are clutch. Peterson is more dominant at his position but QB is more difficult and valuable.

Running backs are easy to find. There are probably only 20 QBs worth a shit in the whole NFL and Cutler is one of them.


I think his girlfriend is Amelia Bedelia.


Your username is princessdickfart. You shouldn't be talking.


*looks at camera*

*knock knock*

*fade to black*

*cream my pants*


No, nobodies interested. Not because the stories aren't interesting, but because you're a fucking awful storyteller.


This might sound odd coming from a stranger, but I'm proud of you.


Hah Champions league... You're lucky getting into Europe.


I think it's acurate. You become a shell of who you were and you do really fucked up shit. Other than that idk, I wasn't a superlab.


He is an embarrassment to the entire country.


That's not all it would raise, if you know what I'm sayin.


Haha, you're shallow.


But I poop from there!

(Edit: I have a feeling I'm getting gangbanged)


logic.  you have none.


Those scenes add artistic value to the owners bank balance!


Ha, sarcasm. Thanks. I was just saying that's a possible way they could have done it, and it would have been much cheaper and more convenient.  Films, TV especially are all about cost and convenience.


Well, it was cancelled a couple times in there. So it really was cancelled before its time no matter how you look at it!


21 downvotes for honesty. Yeah.


I do this all the time, so comfortable and all you can hear is the water rushing over your head.


*guy makes generic 2D scrolling game*

*/u/YvetteHorizynne is amazed at this 'game' which is less involved than my first-year game dev class projects*

*I'm somehow the fool here*

If you think you will become a popular, successful game dev using GameMaker, you're the fool.


His vampirism is counting-related also -- Eastern European folklore holds that one method of escaping from a vampire is to scatter a handful of salt or rice in their path, as they will be compelled to stop and count every single grain & cannot move on until finished. Crazy!


What are they, homos?


Here I am thinking that pushing grown adults into public tantrums made me a sick and depraved individual. Thanks for the encouragement nosoupforyou.


If you give your income away to charity you owe no taxes.


It was 5th grade, so probably some hardcore drug deal shit out on the playground.


It's called an eating disorder.


Stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!


Wish i could give you even more downvotes.


This guy knows his human meat salesmanship.


I posted a picture of your moms pussy with a nigger dick in it. And then I got more karma from posting a picture of a transgender faggot pretending they're actually a female when really they are just a guy with psychological issues and an open wound where they used to have a penis.


on the other hand, your life might be over if you wake up 50 minutes late for a lab or exam.

(One of the absolute worst feelings in the world for me... knowing I REALLY REALLY needed to be there an hour ago and I fucked up the alarm/ignored it/whatever.)


I feel like I have to say this way too often. Please take a breath and put down the pitchforks. If this guy is the devil, than reddit itself is the essence of pure evil. Do you not recognize the hypocrisy here? Turn your pitchforks towards reddit, they're doing it en masse. Don't just pick on the little guy.

edit: I retract the comment about copyrights.


What is [wrong with me](http://i.imgur.com/GOVeq.jpg)? [NSFW]


I just found it was already posted. Well i guess we can never have enough of exposing the evils of patriarchy.

edit:I don't know if i'm being downvoted more by upset feminists or retards who haven't detected the sarcasm.


Ads. Lots and lots of Ads.


Interesting. I thought it smelled horrible, but the finish was okay.


Nice. Doubling up your research to see if there are any respiratory effects.


Just as it was the destiny of the jews to go to camps, in the eyes of the nazis.

There is no such thing as destiny.


Congratulations!  You just created something which will be in use on Reddit for weeks to come! Kudos!


Pay to win 3 you mean?


I procrastinate because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I procrastinate.


Stop verifying altogether.


But he made up for it with the flat cap.


> They look kinda DeviantArt-ish

Starting off like this, I can't take a single word of yours seriously. What the fuck is this even supposed to mean? It's like saying you don't like a book because it's the kind they'd have in a library.


You fool, she knew, she knew. She just loved the smell, to this day she's never told him.

No one will like the smell of your farts.


no escape from reality

Edit: ABANDON THREAD!!! MAYDAY MAYDAY!


dl pic now for future use


Whether you're right or not your tone was so shitty it's worth a downvote.


And why do they all have orange juice AND milk AND coffee.


what are you talking about.. why sry...for what?
chill the fuck out your stuff is awesome but i down vote you because of the delay.


Your mother's Reddit name is 'NUCLEAR_ANUS'? Nice!


I really appreciate to posting this, but I'm going to downvote you so you don't take up the entire page of comments. that's really how we should do it. And the next comment should say something like

Previous comment is the post copied verbatim.

Come on guys, get it together.


I just woke up one morning and felt like a donkey kicked me in the nuts. Checked out my boys and they were grotesquely swollen. Got in the car and drove straight to the doctor.


That isnt the normal colour? Why should i drink so much water that my pee is clear? Isnt that an idication i drink too much water?


I didn't know Winrar had a satellite radio service.


Man this post Hurt soo much I might go cry to my mother...... Oh wait..


There's just no honorable way out of a PT Cruiser. Tell me you didn't get the faux wood paneling on the side?


we're going to knock you scum off the top four!

YNWA


>pretty illegal

Good god, illegal activities down at /r/trees?! What on earth has that place become?


We need GG-Nick Merrill meme's!

edit: And GG-George Zimmerman's as well


D cup? Why you no A cup? D cup no become Doctor!


You're still a nerd if you watch it....


No shit right? When I heard about that Origin code shit where you could get tons of games for free, I still didn't want to do it for the simple fact that I would need to install Origin on my system.

I GAVE UP FREE GAMES. BECAUSE. I DIDN'T WANT. ORIGIN. ON MY COMPUTER.

God damn people, what the fuck is the matter with you all.


I reply because i want to and still at work was boaring...but think wat you want. Because i know it doesnt matter wat i say u will come up withing negitve about it. So have trolling reddit coments. Im going out to dinner.


> Kinda like Ben Affleck in Good Will Hunting.

Or Matt Damon in Team America: World Police.


The last thing any dude ever fantasizes about is his current mate. Women need to accept pornography as a necessary relief valve if they don't want their men getting with other ladies.


This is the most brutally honest AMA I have read. Thank you for that, its great.


"Hey, so I know this is a thread informing everyone that an icon in the industry died, but let's not forget that clothes are the most important thing, so check out this sick sweater that rock is wearing"

Totally appropriate.


Your description makes it sound like she watched a group of Chinese ladies take a team dump or something.


In other news, you just won "Most Gullible Redditor of the Year"


Then just yell it when you're there. You need to assert dominance.


wow, what a fucking faggot, you're like the teachers pet who would tell tales on other people.

I assure you sir, that you are, a do-gooding C U N T.


possibly because you're actually intelligent.


Oh... People actually think those guys are funny? Fuck people, and fuck you.


I think I would end up being eaten by any size dinosaur. In my head this scenario would only happen as a virgin sacrifice and I have lots of evidence that I am not a virgin.


I used to be hidden in the shadows, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


That and the matching shirts. We should get all of our leaders to wear stripped shirts with the nations colors. Though I might be biased because then Obama would look like Waldo.


You need to understand that God is perfect. If He wants us to cut off our foreskin then we WILL DO IT. No one can comprehend the awesomeness of His power and if you don't like it you can suck my foreskin free dick, faggot.


I run a basic auto garage.


"Look at me I'm a hurr durr such a smartheist"

edit: Just for the record, I'm not religous.


"DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BRICK?!"


That's fucking disgraceful.

Edit: [Here you go](http://youtu.be/nvnedLVKGBQ)


THEY HATE US CAUSE THEY ANUS.


i am vely solly fol youl ross, i prease hope she rest in pieces

ching chang ching, chong chog chang


A smiley face with a potato on its head.


That....is a valid point. Maybe neither cause I just went to Karma's stand too?


Scary, I'm sorry for your loss.


They have stuff between their ears you do not.


That would make for hilarious potential for revenge on people in your house who have wronged you, or pets who shit on the floor.

"You ate my sandwich.  JAMES, HOLD HIM STILL."  hubwhurrrrrblpllbpblpblpblbpblbplbpl \*chunks\*


where are they located so we can just bomb them along with all of their employees


Ok, now try with an egg.


I want this to happen so KD destroys him, blocks him like 50 times and then everyone can shut the fuck up about this. God.


sorry bro, had to be done


> /gamerule toggleSquidward

FTFY


No joke.  They managed to mention the physical characteristics of almost every female.  I wouldn't mind if they objectified Jesse a little.

"Jesse has a mean jawline and a bulge on the ball field to match.  But, sorry ladies.  He's batting for the other team."

Edit:  thank you for the gold.  I was riding on the coattails of /u/_Kannon


That advice isn't new or helpful to me.


my aunt's former roommate thinks that's hilarious


Shut the fuck up bitch, no one asked you.


I'm not even a PS3 enthusiast and I respect the hell out of him.


they explore feminism...by hiring a pornstar to be in their video...what the fuck ahahahahah


Fuck Seth Green. TURK


Oh look, a slight modification to one of the oldest memes on this site.  I'm very glad you decided to tell us about how your [verb]ed [beverage/food] all over your [current surroundings].  It really expanded my understanding of the previous comment.  How original.


I could honestly care less as to whatever problem you have with useless information i post on the internet.  I read this then stopped, forgot what it said, and simply giggled at [this](http://imgur.com/N9IC4)


Don't think it was because of the bullet. I heard she had watched some cursed tape the day before that picture, she died a week later.


Then why don't you take a fake dick and go fuck yourself?

... I'm sorry, that was immature.

Holy shit. I knew this would net me some downvotes, but not *this* many! I've said much more offensive stuff in the past, it disappoints me that this comment had to be the one to get me ~100 downvotes. At the same time, I'm kind of proud of it.


Taking the woman you love seriously when she asks you to respect her wishes? Can't have this on Reddit, no sir.


The same thing happened to me, except I said, "My name is <btyt>.  I like blowjobs!  GIVE ME A BLOWJOB!"

Bitch couldn't follow simple instructions...  Guess, I have to settle for sex with mom again tonight.


I'm OP's roommates cat. Meow and shit


He's been saying for months he doesn't enjoy being here though. That is not my fault. I just called him on his dramatic bullshit and he didn't like it.


and to think I thought my neighbors were just always making cake


<- Click the down arrow. ***I COMMAND YOU RETARDS***

OMG, if that story weren't so obviously fake, it would be the most hilarious thing ever!

***EDIT: I'M GOING TO KICK THE ASS OF EVERYONE WHO DOWNVOTED OR WILL DOWNVOTE THIS COMMENT. I'M ALSO GOING TO KICK THE ASS OF EVERYONE WHO FAILED TO DOWNVOTE THIS COMMENT.***


That's a mistake I'll never make once.


oh my god his voice sounds like an angsty teenager

bahahahaa, I know the guy went through some shit but show this to someone who hasn't ever heard eminem and it could happen.


\*ahem*

He said UNTIL SOMEONE LINKS HER TOPLESS


Oh fuck off with the NBC bullshit for just one post, nobody fucking cares.


Dude, are you a genius or something?


Scumbag xDAIVEx
thinks he's not a faggot
is a total FAGGOT NIGGER FUCKING PRICK


Ballipops... I think you've got a genuine business plan there.


I've been awake for far too long... Touche.


Doesn't mean the Sith are wrong.


you guys really shouldnt be using that word for the other meaning its kind of offensive even though it doesnt matter sense their all going to hell anyway >:D


lol "universally recognizable", it's a popular pic on twitter not Will Smith


How did you wander into this sub/r if you're not tattooed, or at least understand that this kind of stuff happens to people with tattoos pretty often?


As soon as you notice a breakout (of herpes), change who you're bedding.


I used to be the saddest little wallaby, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


Or if you can smell them when they're on.


potheads cleaning things ahahahha


Or his new wife isnt being perfectly honest..


I don't even have Facebook.


Since there's tons of beer and women.


Damn, beat me to it. Upvote for you.


It's like an iceberg. There might have been three or four more feet of it.


Because guys don't get upvotes just for being in the picture. If they did it'd be controversial. Also anyone who upvoted her for being female is sexist.


I wish someone would make a store where there's a fake store inside the store, so you could try to steal things from the fake store and pay for them in the real one.


>Achievement Unlocked: Destroyer of Pussy. 20g

FTFY


It is, so no accidental racism here; it's all 100% intentional.


This. Remember the downvote button is not supposed to be used just because you disagree. If it brings something relevant to the discussion then you should not downvote it.


*Hey there Delilah what's it like to fuck those titties*


Depending on where in the US you live, there are some very hyper liberal, violently anti-religious schools out there.


Wow you really are a hero.  She says "My name is Kaya and you are awesome."


The turrent didn't get popped off. The parts you see flying in the air is the pavement from the road.  The tank remains in 1 piece.


If they're young enough to think staying up past 9:30 is cool I'm going to assume they're without cellphones.

Edit: Yes, everyone. I get that kids have cellphones nowadays. I was just trying to make a point.


~~ **KARMA RULES EVERYTHING AROUND ME K.R.E.A.M., GET THA MONEY. DOLLA' DOLLA' BILL Y'ALL** ~~


oh god hahahaha. just imagine how many times that nurse told that story.


Maybe it's time to stop defending irresponsible pet owners.


We can go deeper: http://imgur.com/3db9X


No she should be charged with inciting violence.

Why did she stalk Rand with a wig on?

Why did she try to confront him as he stepped out of the car?

Was she going to murder him?

Probably. That's why those upstanding citizens made a citizens arrest.

Your bias is clouding your judgement.


Obviously he bribed the government officials to allow him monopolize the market.


A wild xNotch has appeared. Where are my pistons, bitch.


Not true.  I don't have a mustache.


I used to no, but then I took and arrow too the knee!


The lizard. He looks like a duck and a dog and dogs has some big big big big fat tail. I saw him, he's hungry, and he said he likes some bananas, but monkeys eat bananas, he would want me to feed the lizard.

(he thought "defeat" was "eat")


There is no such thing as depression. Only weakness.


Good on you for testifying and putting that fuck behind bars.


Really?  So when people die and their wikipedia entry changes from is to was, does that make whoever changed it an asshole?


I don't have the links, but you really don't want to see them anyway. Trust me.

I've seen a dead man with his penis cut off and shoved in his mouth, as well as a penis that was split like a banana peel.


Aren't you just the most adorable thing, you're not even self-aware.

How cute, yet sad.


Dude that's like the best possible way to handle that, 10/10 teacher


As a home school kid, fuck you


One of my Sims went through this once.


You are handing this like a pro. I dont see anything in what Krunt is saying here that shows a willingness to positively contribute.


Eh, give me a free first class seat and I'll be a potential whatever-you-want.


Came here to say this, sad I got beat to it


`Nah, dude, that's what it was like for me at Goldman Sachs. `


Yes I am because I am sick of shit birds like you changing the official story.


The cool thing to do in highschool was to not adjust the straps and instead leave them at the max length so your backpack essentially sat on your ass cheeks.

With the 90lb worth of books we had to carry around you can imagine what that did to my posture.


Good to see you have absolutely no perspective whatsoever.


You might also liook at the budget for the department of education:

US, 2012: ($68b (fed) + 179b (states)) / 311m means close to $800 per capita spent on education

GER, 2012: $212b (total) / 81m means close to $2600 per capita spent on education

That is, if I read the numbers correctly. :D


Le get the fuck over it.


Bravery clean up on aisle 6


Fights against capitalism. Sells a lot of t-shirts with his face on it.


simply stand up proudly and proclaim "**I have claimed this woman for you all to see**"

May not go over too well im kinda drunk but hell I bet it would get a laugh or two. Her dad would not be so jolly. Poke him in the belly.... Don't do that. but if you do record it.


> Extremely recently posted quote

FTFY


BUT THE IONS!!!!!

These bracelets are great idiot identification devices.


There are managers who have actually won it. You can say that they are not available but it's not like Simeone is.


The fact that you feel this way 20 years later scares the shit out of me. I'm just here thinking, "it'll just take some time."


Isn't that how you Westerners do it? The police need a back-up. What if they don't end up catching the real perpetrator? They'd look foolish and incompetent. /s


amandahuginkiss is *also* a robot, you insensitive clod.  She's angry because her husband didn't use a relational database.


We should definitely be killing people because "they're likely up to something." /s


The Seahawks were down 24-28 to the Patriots on New England's 1 yard line,  literally 3 feet from scoring with 20 seconds left in the game. Instead of handing it off to one of the best running backs in the league who most likely would've scored unless he broke both legs,  They decided to pass it and it gets intercepted by the Patriots. Patriots kneel,  game over.


Your exbf is a faggot.


They will probably use this to ship cargo. Much faster than a container ship, much cheaper than using an airplane.


I dont think this needs to be something that gets out. This is just gonna be something stupid thats gonna be all over espn for like weeks and its gonna be stupid and annoying


I'm always happy to help with KSP.


Or maybe you could stop been the stereotypical plastic fan and actually go to the game


>Set up a blanket and like 20 candles in the woods

That sounds more like an altar where you would sacrifice something to Satan than a place you'd want to lose your virginity.


It's not that they're a circlejerk, its's that they are becoming more and more aggressively atheist. Going out of their way to start insulting matches rather than arguments, and being very easily set off. Don't get me wrong, I'm no fan of religion, but I feel faith is something more personal that shouldn't be attacked.


>N'a pas d'importance; eu des rapports sexuels

FTFY


So does the fact he's just thrown out instead of arrested for battery.

Edit: okay, I'm giving up. You guys are idiots. Unless someone gives me a good reason why I'm wrong, I'm going to ignore all reactions.


That guy is such a fucking tool...


I know trying to stomach your reflection is a bit harsh but no need to resort to sexism.


Sex tape request: Louis CK and Ewan McGregor!


Was he on a bicycle on a road meant for cars? Accidents happen, and if you want to ride a bicycle on a road with automobiles, just be prepared to pay the price.


This is possibly the most upsetting quote ever.


Yes, that is exactly the same situation. Those bitches with their false accusin'. I'm glad you're on the case.


I'm... The Decider...


Look
--
 at all these cowards trying to suppress an open public debate by down voting. **What are they scared of?** *They are scared of being exposed as liars.* **The truth is on my side.**

If I am wrong, I will discredit myself and be forced to apologize and will shut up.

*So what do you have to lose?*
--

(P.S. Read Rule #1 on the right side of your screen)


$10.00, but I know a guy who can do it for $5.00. Give me the money and I'll handle it for you.


Examine the toilet bowl design each time using a strange toilet.  Cold water/porcelain sucks.  Got to hold it by its scruff like a tomcat, when negotiating shallow bowls!


I'm still trying to picture a black guy saying "Anywho."


lol, who are you trying to impress.


I can travel backwards 15 seconds in time. I'll prove it


Europeans think going 100kmph is fast lol


Came here to say this, looks like you had a leg up on me.


> Le your le body is amazing le!

LT4U.


Delete Facebook.  Hit the gym.  Wear a cape.


Why do you get so butt hurt over it?


Extremely loud [anybody]

If it's not at a sporting event, a concert or a pig auction , chill the fuck out


Children do weird things. Its not "sexual battery" its called "playing doctor".


Have you ever thought about becoming a pro NFL player. Sorry, didn't know how to word it before.


I don't plan on telling her 'don't have this abortion or were over ', but if she does go through with it then she is not the person I thought she was. I will be there to support her before/during/after said abortion but after that she will be packing her bags. I know that sounds harsh and maybe I will come around but that is just how I feel about the situation at the moment


Your eyesight does change in space. It's an issue we are working hard to overcome


Yes, Montana has always been the major hotbed of plantations and slavery.

Or something.

What's next ... hanging nooses on doors to prove racism still exists?


Yea, him being forced to resign last week.


Hey Mr.ukatama. I got a question for you. Is there gay people in Japan? I talked to a Japanese person the other day and she said, "shame". Is this true?


>backpacking

I see what you did there!


A better title would've been, "Stuffing the wage gap!".


If you're bleeding from your dick, there's a good chance that the doctor is going to have to look at your dick. Bring it with you.


Upmodded for creepy subtext. edit: yes, I KNOW it was an innocent comment, and I'm sick.


That's definitely unsanitary.


It's a rhetorical question, I know how awesome I am.


"Better phone Shloan" *Cue shady Czech lawyer


No she didn't show me the statement, she is pulling in substantially more though and never offers to pay for meals, it's always 50/50


Never ask that question at work, it sounds like a good gig


Scandinavians languages are fairly close to eachother, it is not the same as learning a completely new language atleast

Edit; Why am I getting downvoted? Are you scandinavian? Maybe finnish is an exception, but overall this is the truth


That doesn't sound very cool, he sounds like a drunk, cheating, pedo.


Your gay dude. Seriously. Your a guy commenting on a girls shoes. Gay.


A lot of people have that problem. Wash them with warm water and pry them apart.


xD dude you just WRECKED op! good one man I'm submitting this to /r/bestof and i'll call the local burn ward too just to be safe xD


I'd get a Michael Myers mask and put it on.  That way he won't know which one of us is the killer and which is the victim.


found the beta faggot


That's nothing. My 300-pound mom fucks her 400-pound boyfriend everytime he's over (which is pretty much every week). It sounds like the fucking invasion of Normandy.


Sexually mature adults of opposite sexes being attracted to each other is the very opposite of perversion.


Didn't know Domino's had a "Less than 30 minutes or you can stab the driver" policy.


Haha I was more worried about the fact that he was driving down one of Colorado's major highways like that


ITS FUNNY BECAUSE THEY HAD A POTATO FAMINE AND EVERYBODY STARVED


Honestly, what has Malkin accomplished in his career? Zero Stanley Cups, Zero trophies.  He's just a slightly-worse Crosby who lives in Sid's shadow, and always will.


Smithers, who is this man?


"You have one foot in your grave" is as agist as it gets when talking about age, no matter what intentions. Now please continue the downvotes.


I love it when the person cutting my hair doesn't try to make small talk.


Yeah it was too tiny.


As a nonphysicist, I assume the answer is like gravity and forces and shit.


You really think this kid joined ISIS because he was the dumbest in Victoria? Why aren't the radical groups full of retards then? Instead they're full of the disenfranchised, the disaffected, those that lack identity and meaning in their lives.


"GODDAMN STAPLER! WHERE THE FUCK IS MY GODDAMN STAPLER!? THAT'S FUCKING IT! I'VE HAD IT!" then storm out.

It should obviously be right in front of you when you do this.


well that's just not true haha, but good  to see you dont know your shit


umm, I'm no doctor, but i believe orangutanitis is inflammation of the orangutan.


61099

op confirmed for 13 years old

EDIT: OP IS A FAG


that's a lot of seats you warmed


I'm not trying to reduce homophobia, I'm trying to get back my rights, regardless of the state of homophobia. I'm sick of playing by their rules and I'm changing the game, not sticking around like straight people's pet for another 40 years


I lost it at "Just let me take a look, I'm not gay for your penis." It sounds so casual.


This isnt on xbox...or consoles for that matter, but good try.


Get GMail, good God, man.


I lol'd so hard at step 3.


> It^^^^^h is^^^^^e VERY^^^^^l delicious.^^^^^p

Don't worry, I think we got the message.


so you married a whore. Congrats.


why are you guys so goddamn nosey?


I hope you're joking....


Return policies vary by store.  Places like Target and Bed Bath and Beyond will take almost anything back in any condition (opened, broken, worn, used, etc) as long as its within a certain time frame.  That's why I like Target.  They will even let you return movies, such as Rampart which will be on Blu-Ray and DVD this fall.  You should reserve your copy today.


u mad, bro? [](/rtroll)


Don't feel bad, you left her with a career.


A lot of it is justified


Or the amount of Facebook accounts would double overnight as people created fake ones to like it with.


He caught her illness and never recovered :(


They don't "*know* that Noah fit 2 of every animal in a boat", some Christians *believe* that he did.  There's a big difference.


you attend some strange parties.


<3

'Twas a joint effort, mostly done by you! :D


How much do you charge for a ZJ?


It's not so bad that you have to call a cab if you're a little high. It doesn't slow down your reflexes, it just can distract you.


He might have been in the infantry


How much you payin' for Cutler?


He wanted to see your boobs jiggle.


Yeah jeez so many down votes Also the BJ was a bribe, I wanted to go out earlier and he was like...uuuhhhh....then I was like I will Blow you? and hes like Haavvvvve Fun! But then the jerk fell asleep


>Like it with rice? Eat it with rice.

Mind blown.


Why are you jerking off in front of your cat?  You're going to be that idiot who jerks it in front of his kids because, "they can't talk properly so they obviously won't remember watching me."


i'm at my company's yearly sales kickoff at the moment. every fucking time someone gets up to speak, I CANT HEAR YOU CMON PEOPLE WOOOOO. we're all professional people, i think polite applauding is just fine. i don't want to whoop and holler for a boring business presentation.


If you wait a while she will be sleeping with the fishes anyway. Close enough.


Maybe your brother cures cancer?


Guys I love memes and rage faces but I think it's gay that they are starting to creep into other subreddits.  We should keep them in F7u12, ok?  Also this comic is kind of racist because it's implying that white people are not as good as Japanese at video games and I'm sorry but that's just not true.


You might jam the typewriter.


yeah i bet you'd like that wouldnt you, you probably want to light some candles, then double penetrate me with a goat wouldnt you?


Let's just expand this to "SHARE/LIKE THIS IF..."


ProbablyCummingInYourWife


That class had an unusually high number of transsexuals.


You are a fucking immature, slow in the head, reposting, faggot.
That's why.

edit:  after looking at these replies I realize /r/gaming is even more 12 years old than I thought.


Nothing more to say here. The key point is this:

>The point of not talking was to not distract him from his feelings.

and

>Most men need to process things on their own.


Man...you sound like a fucking great wife.

"I didn't want to assume he was in the wrong."

I cannot believe that came from a woman.....


How did it happen? Did you just propose the deal to the teacher or is there more backstory?


Oh yes, a gun was so fucking clear! Just in case someone else didn't see it though please take a screenshot and circle the gun then post it for them.


If you're unemployed, every day belongs to the weekend!

*take that*


You hear a lot of things via way of mouth and they are possible. Stop being a cunt.


You're welcome to answer every question twice.


> atheism is itself a religion

Socialism is. And since the christian ideology is a competitor to the socialist ideology, the best way to attack it is to promote godlessness, which is what socialism is doing. You may be an atheist, but youre very likely not irreligious, comrade.


A, C, A, T, G, an entire bacteria, A, C,


At least it said *something*.  I put forth that much of the gravity of the performance was from peripheral factors and not the acting itself.  Compare that to the "totally wrong" analysis and you'll see that I just handed you your own ass.


He was gay back then but he's gay now too.


Be afraid, be very afraid.

You can get statistics to say pretty much whatever you want. A recent study found that 73% of them are made up entirely.


Seriously, that's a pretty fucking inhumane thing to do.


OH WATZ DAT, I CANT HERE U OVER MY 4500 UPVOTES


Yeah, he disappeared after a while - I wonder if he got warned off. He definitely didn't look like the type to get headhunted for something better.


I was wondering if you actually knew how to write words or if you just posted reaction gifs, so I went to your post history. around 3-4 months back you had a lot more "real" posts.

but after reading those real posts, I'm thinking...you know what, we're probably better off sticking with the reaction gifs, bud.


Upvote for the hilarious idea.  Probably doesn't take you very long.  I remember during my days of Chatrouletting, I got really confused when masturbators would next ME.  Just hurt, right in the feels.


Yet North America produces barely any top Starcraft players. Maybe its time to rethink the strategy no?


there is a difference in carrying a pistol on your side in case you need it (which i do on the daily/ccw), and walking around a busy intersection with a rifle on a sling


rofl.

now downmod me you dogs!


Directed by M. Night Shamalan


Either your vaccination works or it doesn't.  And so hired of hearing "herd immunity"  from people who don't understand it.  The pro vaxxers are just as sheep like as any sheep out there.


Also don't forget to rub their head, I heard it's good luck.


> I love your wife.
FTFY. Anyone else find his wife gorgeous, and hilarious in a dry way? Props to you seefresh!


When the father gets custody, it is guaranteed that the woman was an unfit parent.


Yes, but only barely.


American Woman by The Guess Who was written on the spot at a concert when Randy Bachman broke a guitar string and as he restrung his guitar and tuned it up he played the now iconic riff and the crowd went wild. So they improvised the song over that riff...


Sponsored posts will remain for the iPad update. If you have the Alien Blue iPhone version, you can buy pro and you will not see sponsored posts or tips. You can always buy gold to remove ads from the site and on Alien Blue. Hope this answers your question.


When my Dad and I watched that in the theatre, he literally said "Well this is draggin' on".  I groaned.


Spelling his name right isn't going to bring him back


You know your life is boring when you have a ghost living in your house and all it does is sigh at you.


Your joke is pretty bad, to be honest.


Who buys an umbrella anyway? You can get them for free at the coffee shop in those metal cans.


Are you seriously fucking retarded? Where did I mention republicans in my comment? Jesus christ this place is overrun with mouthbreathers, go back to youtube.


Dude, lighten up and go with the flow.


100 bucks next to 3 euros on a fictional woman's magazine

Reddit perception: a clever pun on current American economy - ha ha.

normal people perception: This is how woman's magazines convert $ into euro - ha ha.

Disclaimer: Reddit does not allow distinguishing shooting the messenger from shooting the message, but I won't take karma loss personal.


I...I don't know how to apologize for letting you down about this.  Sorry I didn't sleep with my sister?


Please, no more niggers. Lets keep this subreddit clean. I have already put up multiple times with that black atheist physicist.


I know this is supposed to be a spooky thread, but the mental image of your mom walking around your room with a Windex bottle filled with holy water is hilarious to me


He's not hated by every faction, but neutral


Forgot to mention that she was tied to the bed during the whole scene and was unable to cover herself up aswell (not to speak of helping me up)


True that, as anyone who's been on OKCupid can tell you. Also, Bisexual generally means lesbian if it's a girl, just don't want to admit it.


He's with the Ancestors now.


What phones don't work in the air.


That french woman's name? Albert Einstein.


Again back to my original point... Cant do the time - dont do the crime!


"They hate us cause they ain't us."


This was all I could imagine happening truthfully. That or him losing all the mattresses and killing all the people behind him


"Great, just what I need, a Tornado blocking the road on my commute home. Ya know what, fuck this Tornado, Iv'e got more important shit to do. I've got to get home and forge that Broadsword I've been meaning to make, I need something to butcher all the bears I kill with my bear hands."


You're offending and degrading to humanity. Because you're an annoying pussy. Geddit? Huh?

In other news, I want to punch that girl in the face after looking at her tumblr.


If it rhymed, then it would have looked like he killed her and wrote a fake suicide note to cover up the murder.

That's why he went out of his way to make sure it didn't rhyme.


Jeez I know.  I'm not used to handling my temper.  I'm learning very quickly though.


HR here. Just testing your knowledge of html5. By calling us out, you win,


Its true only for whores and sluts. I doubt girls with moral character have such feelings.


Are you sure he's a top?


Ya.  $200 vet bill for a $20 bird?!

Let me guess, you're a tree hugging hippie too.


Oh man. My grandmother died recently and I've been looking for something to read at her funeral, but I couldn't find anything that was right.

This is. Can I use it please?

***

Edit: poem_for_your_sprog sent me a lovely message and said that I could. Thank you very, very much.


I'm happy to see this but it's also a matter of concern for me. I have a hard time picturing McConaughey or Harrelson laughing and carrying on on set in between takes last season. I feel like they were too deep within their characters for that.


Wow. Thanks. Thank you for reading.


Reddit was not around during the time of the dinosaur. But it was around at your last recess which going by your response was last week. School just got out for you, you ready for 5th grade?


There was a big thread with this gif posted that basically said "Pack it up, folks. We're out." The mods shut the whole sub down because the meme became self-aware and they didn't think there would ever be a more fitting final post.

Yup, that's right. Obama killed /r/thanksObama


maybe its you because that's your real name.


I wouldn't be so quick to shake a redditor's hands.


We dated casually for several months because I had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship and I needed to be single. We decided to make it official when we both discovered we were in love with each other.


Its feels great to actually witness internet history

EDIT: Just so we're clear, I mean real history. Not some manufactured shit that comes out on reddit weekly.


Oh god that video made my face hurt.


"Soup or salad?"

"Yes."


You seem ugly, bitter and frustrated. Don't end up living single with 12 cats.


I think you just became Chinese propaganda.


That whole recording is awful, not just the jacket.


actually bunny cop aren't, you havent seen xpecial and piglet yet so why are you even counting them in LOL. same with altec and the KR. man i love this stuff


We just go school in the UK.


YES!! Up votes for all SKYRIM references!!


This could be understood so wrong!


Im sorry, but you have to understanding that its unlikely that this boy, his parents, or anyone related to him are on reddit. I would completly agree with you if its the case that someone who can be harmed is reading this but I dont think it's the case.

I know it seems hurtful, and it would be if the people who are harmed by this are reading, but its not the case. Its a joke, please relax.


Props.....in fact, all the props.


It will still look pretty average on PC.

Look at Far Cry, Star Citizen, Crysis, etc


Firefight, if i recall, when they went to kill a goat for us. And Adbul attacked a soldier taking a dump and got shot.


Bads1304 just posted this below me, dont downvote him for no reason you little redditor shitheads.  (big redditor shitheads like myself need not to comply)
http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/trlc1/hulk_v_wolverine/c4p43f2 a bit of looking goes a long way!


As a one day husband, I teared up at #3.


too*

Edit: This is the most I've been downvoted for correcting someone's grammar on Reddit.


That's shockingly stupid, but my goodness is it also adorable.


Go to the Downloads app, you can abort it from there.


> I see magenta + yellow

FTFY


no, it's not an announcement. it's you demanding something.


personally I was expecting skin and blood loss.


i am sorry to HEAR that.
Pun intended?


Yeah, being proud to be German and not wanting your culture to get ran over by Islamists who will kill a satirist is such a hate movement.^/s


Maybe it was one of those action move moments, where protagonist needed a way to chase the villain, and the best they could do was drop an expensive bracelet as payment'?


what losses? Do downvotes count as a real world loss now?

only 57 downvotes? really?


am I too late!!!!!!!!!


Ummm no he didn't , source brah


Because some people need to be offended by something in order to survive.


id rather eat dog shit


"I told you no cameras, bitch!"


And the fact that her music has gone completely downhill...


Penis interlocking is also a big no-no.


No offense but lmgtfy gets auto-downvotes from me. It's maximum-douche.


i estimate that you wasted about 50 or so seconds of my life reading that. you ass.


>The thing is, you -are- a horrible person, and nothing good you've done has been downvoted, because you haven't done anything good.

HAHAHAHAHAH

That's how you justify this? You think you live in some sort of video game or something?

>Absolutely nothing of worth is lost having each of your posts downvoted into oblivion.

So brave.


Lighten up, I'm sure he just meant something like 'he's not the strongest slave on the plantation'.


This guy has a point. Amirite


"I see you've listed rape twice"

"i like rape"


If all he posts is that one message, then it counts as spam.


wow, my friend died a few years ago. he had the same little shitty smiley on his arm. he regretted it and always wanted it covered. when he died his best friend and little sister got those smileys with halos on them.


You people are really fucking dumb. Pedophilia in the clergy is a big joke to everyone but the people committing it, and to them it's no big deal because it's a joke to everyone else.


You could have ended this with:

Parent: "Are these the glasses that let you see 4D?"

Me: "...Yes."


Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck is with people posting a link to that subreddit? This is a perfectly fucking plausible story, congratulations on calling out a funny picture Mr Funpolice


It's absolute mayhem in the city for the last few days. There are hundreds of thousands of tourists descended upon the city to see the parade and celebrate their Irish heritage. Pretty much from midday on it turns into a massive drinking session. Like an all day New Year's Eve.


i know. it was a joke lol.


same i found it very meh.


If it is ok to kill cows, shouldn't it be ok destroy churches.


Finds Pedo-Bear's kids.

Rapes them.


tiny brains are probably the easiest to break


This is a brilliant demonstration.


GO EAT A DICK YOU FAGGOT


My dumbass thought I'd pull some reverse psychology on everyone, and figured [if I dressed up](http://imgur.com/OzbyQ) as a [terrorist](http://imgur.com/ni1Gs) for Halloween, one month after 9/11, then everyone would stop calling me a terrorist. Needless to say, it didnt help. At all.


Downvoted for Linking other post I also downvoted


*Cue classical music or funky music with a comcast ad every 30 seconds *


> It had to be miserable for all of them, I hope she got help at some point :(

It's unusual, sure, but I don't think she needed help. Sounds like something that's just really annoying.


If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.


And still a dumb skank. Why can't the nice ones be hot!?!?


My Dad and I are both Patriot Guard riders. It's an honor and a privilege.


I dont see how this post was overreacting in any way. Im not like most others demanding things with "Riot plz. We NEED this. NOW!"


So that I can have my role size insulted by you on Reddit!?

No thank you, SimplyPoet!

I am lucky to work often in film, television and theater. I hope to continue.


249 up votes says otherwise


One of the best shirts I've ever seen has a picture of Che Guevara on it, with the caption "Who is John Galt?"  I've been trying to find one forever.


Because people thought that having a black president was better than having a good one. That, and having the black majority vote won him the election.


Holy shit this is actually a great solution


I think you don't like it because he is a douchebag, I'm in the Navy and I would like to think my service would get me out of a ticket or two


I will never look at :3 the same.


How about you just don't vote at all?


Tell it to John Lennon.


wait actually it's not. let me cut you off mid-sentence and talk louder than you, because co-casting is synonymous with arguing like a child. every time you talk, i will talk. i will talk louder. i will disagree and instead of casting the game, i will argue with you

-thorin Kappa


Ya.... lmao I was thinking, "really reddit? Workin on some twin brother incest now? Keepin' it classy" Lol


Except /u/Ydnzocvn made that all up. I just hit random keys on my keyboard, I didn't bother making a code.


So, government in general.


please, let's continue this discussion where you desperately defend your racism


So that's why no one takes pictures with me.


You're joking right?

It is usually the other way around.

What does feminism mean to you and why did doing research on the Men's Rights Movement make you a feminist?


Most of my wounds healed I have a scare on my leg, a dent in my head and one of my back teeth was removed as it got broken when I was hit in the jaw with an ak47


The British people are white. Being born here does not make you British.


This makes me feel 10x better about myself as an american.


well yeah, by my standards, those two girls are almost anorexic.  I'd rather fuck a 300-lb whale tbh


this is a little sad as well


Wow rude, how is a fan base related to a medium is what I meant.


Hell yeah that lady knows what she wants and isn't afraid to ask for it. That sounds delicious tbh


I seriously doubt that.


I believe you mean eyeBROW - there's only one of them.  they're substantial


Of course. That's how you get the most flavor.


THIS. IS. STORY TIME!!!!!!11


Or maybe you're just a pussy who gets offended by jokes.


Here's the crazy thing, it still makes them money. They charge business a transaction fee. It just doesn't make them as much money as burying people in debt.


mfw i saw that awesome reaction gif
http://i.imgur.com/jkZbZ.gif


That scene is just pure unstated genius. Notice how unlike most recent comedy, they don't need to announce every single joke in your face. LOOK GUYS, THIS HERE IS A JOKE, YOU SHOULD LAUGH.


Laughed way harder than I should have..


Let's control our expectations a little bit.


The TSA ensures that terrorists are kept out of the country, so things like NASA can even operate safely.

 Security is clearly more important than NASA, because whats a space launch worth to you when they try and bomb the spectators?

If you cant make up your mind before you jump on the bandwagon of this sensationalist shit, just shut up.


Well we do have some of the best doctors and hospitals. The problem comes with trying to pay for it.


If women are equal to men, why do they need safe spaces from them? If feminism is a valid philosophy, why does it need spaces free of criticism? Are you too much of a coward to face your critics? Is that why often times, especially on the internet, feminists' only responses to harsh disagreement are name-calling, banning, comment deletion, and acting like children?


Joe Biden faced a similar dilemma when he also debated a high school student in the 2008 Vice Presidential debates.


It's piss, not spraying lady-cum. (Hope this doesn't ruin any of your fantasies.)


I like that song...

Edit: Screw you guys, Plain White T's are the bomb.


>I'm not a woman. FTFY


in EU, UZI is the best by far


Oh, delusional libertarians, you're so cute when you think you're changing the world. just so cute!


My 10th grade biology teacher would always say:

"You cannot drink that in here."


You're just boring me now.


No. That would be ridiculous, and we can't have that in the German language.


Of course. American socialists need to realize that America is perhaps the only country in the world where racism really doesn't play much of a factor. I can't name another country which has such a multi-cultural society as the USA.

Edit: down-voted for saying facts?


The only possible answer.


oh no, you put a load of water in the shampoo, who gives a shit


It really makes you realize how unoriginal the colonists were when it came to naming states/cities.


Jesus christ.  I hope they had the decency to go in and remove her bones.  When consumed they can splinter and cause intestinal punctures.  Poor wolves.


Wikipedia professional here. I can confirm this.


Obviously the genetics for a man's genitals are contained on the Y chromosome, which the wife did not provide.  Clearly, his other son's penis *does* resemble his father's, it's just the wife wasn't faithful and this guy hasn't figured it out yet.


"Yes, I'm a classically trained dancer. You might remember me as the third palm tree from the left in Katy Perry's Super Bowl Halftime Show."


It's the karma johns that are the real problem.


"There was this one weird kid in my neighborhood that never left his house..."

Edit: What's with all these stoop jokes? What am I missing here?

Edit 2: Thanks to all 5 million of you who answered my question... Really appreciate the notifications...


logged in just to upvote this


Actually it's called the insecurity triangle.


I am not the one that submitted it to 4 different subreddits.


I had a ~~dream~~ nightmare once where my teeth were made of styrofoam, and Jack Bauer forced me to eat styrofoam peanuts.


As an engineer I would rate this comment 10/10, sir! Have all my upvotes!


Nah, you're even allowed to look at Imgur NSFW content. For testing of course.


Well then... that's also stupid.  Those shots are expensive and painful.  The thing didn't bite him, it just laid there.  And OP likely washed his hands if he touched it.  Like I said, that is a bit of an over-reaction.  Might as well run to the doctor for shots every time a strange dog slobbers on you.


Now that's what I call... *breaking news*


yeah i bet you fuckin watch your gay chink faggot videos every day you stupid piece of shit


That doesn't sound like a bad pope at all. Was he any good?


Because everyone fucking blasts gas, if you go to the bathroom every fucking time grow up and be human.


Give the man a break, his daughter is about to get decapitated.


You should really make a separate account for serious posts.


And you/your girlfriend? Cause if you're in your 30s.... Creepier status


"Check out this LOSER who has 21 grammys and sold over 15 million albums"


Fuck r/minecraftsuggestions.


Next time I'm out drinking I'm going to mutter that just before I start pissing in the urinal.


Before she and I met 4 years ago it didn't take much for me to hospitalize a person. I haven't injured a person in 4 years and she was proud I didn't get upset with him. I've never been violent with a female ever. My wife and I have never had a single argument or fight. To hear that asshole act like I victimize my wife and that I'm going to hurt her really got to me.


TRANSCRIPT:

"So, why can't I?"

"That's not how it works."

"But 32+32 is 64."

"That's not how it works."

"But 32+32is 64, right?"

"Yes."

"So, why can't I?"

"That's not how it works."

"But 32+32 is 64."

"That's not how it works."

"But 32+32is 64, right?"

"Yes."

"So, why can't I?"

....


I wouldn't be so sure. Depression and logic don't mix well, especially in what could be assumed to be a teenager.


I think they prefer the term "floated".


Bird was slang for girls, and you eat chicken. I'll let you draw you're own conclusions.


$230,000 would sure fix mine.


Sounds like you need a new SO!


From envious people you ignorant man


You mean [seppuku](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seppuku)?  Sudoku is a game I play in the newspaper.


Yes, urine is required for the removal of nitrogen based compounds(mostly urea) from our system. There are other reasons but this would be the first to have a major impact on you.


Yeah, 'cos women can't vote or work or go to school or anything.


These guys are all pretty good.

My favorite Gaston by far:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmEkLF9Xfa8


The macro is calling something gay, I really don't see what is hard to understand here.


Beanbag. And it was the exact response required to stop the situation from escalating.

Lay hands on armoured riot cop? BLAM! Go sit and think about your stupidity.


is this a fucking joke??? seriously i'm starting to get angry...are you 12, or do you live in a cave or something?? i find it impossible to believe someone could be so completely oblivious and function in day to day life

who made you and where did you come from? i hope you are the fucking hottest chick to ever walk the planet because i have no clue how you have made it to 26 otherwise...


ESPECIALLY on books.  There should be a special circle in hell for people who do that shit.


And yet you want to increase taxes on the rich.


I guess someone finally found the missing screw.


typical old person bullshit


Probably not. After all, she's inside having sex, and you're outside with a dog. But at least you're outside, so you're better than a lot of redditors.


that was the joke.

*jacks off in your mouth*


We're closing now. Come and get your grape juice!


Wow, and someone who doesnt give a flying fuck about television and books is supposed to understand this..?? Even if its just a niche..??

Fucking hell redditors, stuff *everybody* can enjoy should be on the frontpage, not this shit.

I'm not in the mood to browse for hours before I understand your little "pun" threads.

If this happens next time I will downvote on multiple accounts.


Damn, them last few sentences are straight up poetic.


Drugs can be taken healthily. That's like accusing someone of taking fish oil for their joints "unhealthy" because it's a le drug xD xD. Second of all its not near zero body fat, it's closer to 5 or 6 percent. Finally they are only like this for a short period of time.


There is one they fear... he is, **DRAGONPORN**


It's called a "movie", not "film" you snob.


They'll probably be more surprised that we didn't use the three seashells.


bahahaha

You have the SHITTIEST food ever. What you think is American is stolen from another country and manipulated to meet your low standards of taste.

You want diverse, go to Asia or Europe. Fuck the US, fat pigs.


Yeah, i would say 80% of the orgasms you see in scenes are actually genuine


i don't. he does. and so do you. keep it up. won't make your own life better.


Type faster, damnit! You have to type faster than the other hacker before he uploads the FireWire into our mainframe!


So you're saying she deserved not to be saved?


Man, I hate it when people mistake us proud hookers for pointy ass knitters, yo.


It's already deleted which is all the more reason to say "fuck this". I'm assuming it was inappropriate. I'll get you one vote closer to zero. For pointing out that an inappropriate comment?


More like 75%. Danger mouse is pretty slim


Thats not my point. Thousands of videos of people getting shit on at work are posted but this guy gets the royal treatment?


This thread is perfect for you


haha thanks, I looked it up in the dictionary and this is what it gave me but I had a feeling it wasn't right


Also known as [Hanlon's razor](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanlon's_razor): *Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.*


le me used to not show le evolution, but then le me took le arrow to le knee! le LOL!!


I couldn't go through with it... considering I'm his little sister.

Edit: OH MY GOD! Obligatory this is my top comment!


As a 15 year old, I can confirm this


"This forest is pretty scary."

"At least you don't have to walk back alone."

Hobbes looked down at Calvin, took his hand, and they both walked on to adventure.


are you even reading the words i am saying or are you just assuming what i said and replying with whatever the hell you were going to say anyway based on your assumption that I am going to respond just like the caricature you have of me in your head


I read that ron swanson is based off of  Nick Offerman just exaggerated.


fuck you man. I hope you die of cancer and people make fun of you even though you're probably gonna, at most, contribute 0.000000001% of what he did.


Because it's *flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaming*


came in here to mention this. sadly I never get here first :P but have a upvote instead


Wife isn't going to see this one coming. At therapy I will complain that she laughs at me in bed.


lol

EDIT: This comment has -8 points? Guess no one else thought your comment was funny, dude.  Sorry...


Whatever Republican gets nominated will likely win due to the amount of people that absolutely despise Hillary.


I played quite a few video games 6-13. Are you going to tell me now that Final Fantasy or Silent Hill are deep and I "just don't get it"? Go ahead. Amuse me.


So, magic Jew circle.  Got it.


Why should he do it for him if no one will use it? What will the benefit have been of him completing the pack?


There's always money in the banana stand


ffoooorrrr  ssspparrrtttttaaaaaa!!


"Please sir, may I have some more rest?"

"My chest isn't free; You must first pay the sex tax, peasant!"


what a waste of oxygen


Often times that technique has the bucket full of water. The mouse swims to the point of exhaustion & eventually drowns. It's also 100% automated no need to reset, which means the mice / rats can end up together & eat each other before starving & rotting.

Animal cruelty.

That's just my guess.


>So in other words, you killed her...

As long as we're just using words however we want to.


To me it seems more like it got startled and tried to run away. It just so happend to not look where it was running and ran into the door.


Fuck karma.  It's the principle of the matter.


It ain't easy bein cheesy!


I used to ride the karma train, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


If only everyone thought like this, with or without children.


It's just another

*sunglasses*

Cool treat.

YYYYEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH


Nothing is worse than having a large penis and being unsure of how to get the word out.


Begone,  time traveler. Back to 1999 where your views are relevant. http://store.steampowered.com/browse/mac


I love how casual this is combined with the fact that in my head their snack is paste.


Hawks are in no way better than the warriors.

Sport fans are fucking idiots. Go fuck yourselves


R.I.P. My nigga Peter


That's not OP's wife, it's a stock photo, I've seen it on a couple different sites.


You are way too dangerous to be let outside.


Maybe if your a fat ass American...

EDIT: basement-dwelling American.

Classic fucking /wtf. Never disappoints

EDIT # thre: Is this a joke? Lol. I love how you creeps in wtf actually censor stuff by DV attacks you guys are hilarious honestly I'm laughing my ass off ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha


That sounds like something that would happen to Butters


I never said I listened to Eminem.


"I mean you're still chubby, but I also **have** a chubby! No wait you don't understand!"


LmAo ..................


This is Reddit though...


Also had more information.

Was unsure which "her" OP meant until the tldr.


I hate it when I'm treated like a country.


That's okay. I'm just tired of it. People can downvote however many times they want... it really just shows the amount of people with no lives. :)


Like sweat and failed hope

Mostly sweat


Their security force is likely all US citizens.

_edit - Canadian downvotes taste like maple syrup._


At first., I couldn't figure out what was in there, and assumed they had just taped over stuff in there, and then dumped a load of colored sprinkles in.

That would have been a weird, and somewhat lame prank.

*Then I saw the fishes.*


no, no karma whoring here, I have previous post experience with girls of similar body type and they have been commented 'too fat'.  Sad world.


So you're saying that he beat you, then you beat him? Seems fair.


Its a common 4chan reaction face. op is a faggot for thinking he found something new.


I never know which eye to look at


>He's sooooooooo ugly. If I'm gonna stare at something for a long time, it might as well be big boobs and a perfect ass. That's why I play a lot of Gragas.

 -SSOTP


"In March 2015, 47 Senators from this American political party chose to defy both the Constitution and the President by directly interfering with Iranian nuclear negotiations."


He*

EDIT: Playing cops and robbers doesn't mean I'm a cop. Pretending I'm a rockstar in my shower doesn't make me so. Pretending I'm a woman doesn't make me so - even if I mutilate my penis.


More like top 1, not %


I think I found Adu's account.


You guys are horrible. Yeah, it's really funny to pick on black people until you realize that they're human beings with families and kids . . . that they don't know about.


Fuck Facebook AND fuck people posting baby pics. It's ruining Facebook and I'm afraid it'll ruin Reddit someday.


As the library card, I can confirm this.


He's a guy who would be your best corner if he was on your team

Edit truth hurts


Hey, this smells like cum!


he mean it, trust me.


> feck puttin' that in me trashbag

FTFY


BECAUSE ITS A PROUD FUCKING ACHIEVEMENT ASSHOLE.

Thats why.  You probably don't wear your damn McDonalds uniform around because it is embarrassing.

Mind your fucking business.


lol.  Crazy shit?  No.  Crazy **AWESOME**.  They are doing OUR job for us!  Brown on brown crime can be so convenient at times...


There's a whole line of old brothers waiting for their 15 minutes of fame.


What everyone fails to see here is that the Flyers will do whatever to beat the Penguins. And instead of controlling their emotions and just capitalizing on the 5 minute PP, the Pens play down to the Flyers level and they lose...again. Doesn't matter the players, doesn't matter who the coach is...they can't resist.


**YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS**


ill give you an upvote for asking the question i was about to, it's a legit question that would be great if answered.

people stop being butthurt, its only religion.


I shout "YOU'RE A DOG!" at my dog a lot, just in case he forgets.


“If you have enemies, good
that means you stood up for something.”

-Worst Rapper ever, aka Trash personified


This is one of those things that your parents simply do not tell you. It's just something that doesn't need to be shared with their child.


>Niggers have been doing this for decades

FTFY

I know a lot of black people who have perfectly normal names like James, Peter, and Betty to name a few.

[Difference between black people and niggers for your reference](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3PJF0YE-x4)


Did you know Flo Rida is from Florida


I didn't know you were the comment police brah


Maybe it would be easier to just make it unlawful for Jenny McCarthy to be anywhere near a microphone?


Seriously.  Pics or GTFO.


At least I know onions will never go out of style.


Yes, also he is the single most annoying person on the planet.

EDIT: the negative score means that I have attracted the scorn of the 14-year-olds


Using this in a few days when I have my interview to go full time. Thanks bud.


Convenient isn't it. Maybe because Football (Soccer for Americants) is just played by everyone regardless of social class!


When two beards cross the larger beard has the right of way.


I used to tell Diana Allers to shut up, until I took a sword to the chest.


Counterpoint: "U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A"


Because cliche, puerile one liner put-downs are the epitome of intelligent discourse. Thank you for your valuable contribution to this discussion.


I am currently internless. What I currently do does not make good use of one.

Best decision I ever made?  To be true to my lifelong interests even in the face of naysayers who are always there to tell you what you cannot or will not achieve.


It is kinda sad that people aren't getting this. It's the Pokemon subreddit! you should know these things by now.


You think that's crazy? One year ago today I was masturbating on the same chair, to the same website, with the same hand, and the same penis that I just masturbated an hour ago. Now that is an eerie coincidence.


PC Master Race amirite?!

Ya'll motherfuckers can't take a joke. Reddit the hivemind of no fun allowed.


that's a fast edit &#3232;\_&#3232;


Well, THAT was the nerdiest post I'm going to read today.


It's because the average redditor is now 16 years old.


it may help retention, you fucking moron


As a waitress, I absolutely HATE when people say that shit. "We'll this isn't at all how they make it at xrestaraunt!!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, then maybe you should fucking GO THERE!"


HOw ever did you survive before they had stop id's?  Regardless of who vandalized it before does not give you the right to do it.  2 Wrongs do not make a right.   2 Turns in the same direction do make a 180 though.


Umm... It's a cool pen, years beyond current pen technology.


That's funny, because something like this only comes from a mouth of a fan boy.


Actually they do, the passing score is just changed based on age and years in the department.

Source: friend is cop


Broken arms discount.


High school physics - 46K last year.  Four years in.


Not by that name, no. I'll Google it shortly.


No wonder there's so few babies left. Tell them to stop dropping them! That kills babies.


Am I the only one here who seems to think that who the fuck cares, just let this bitch kill herself if she really wants to die?

Seriously, if that bitch was ugly the crowd would have been shouting encouragement.


I (unfortunately I can't blame this on someone else) asked a park ranger what elevation the snow started so we could decide which hike to do. He looks out the window and says "Well, if you look outside the window you'll notice that there's about 6 inches of snow on the ground here..." and then just stared at me like I was a complete moron. Not my best moment.


"""""good friends"""""


Like enough degrees of separation to not deal with him directly, but close enough to watch the show and hear stories all the time.


or you could have not been a bitch and just thrown it away instead of ruining some poor teenage pizza delivery kids life.


*lightbulb flashes on*

Thanks


That's a question I'd also like the answer to.


Or perhaps that *is* the meaning, and is literally the biggest clue.


> It's pretty heinous stuff that's being covered up by the media.

I think you are confusing "covered up" with "Nobody who matters gives a shit"


This.  A monocle, top hat, and outrageous Monopoly-guy tuxedo.


Yeah I think you are on crack for that one. I'd still take LBJ, KD, and Harden over Kawhi. Maybe not Paul George but the first 3 are definite HOF legends.


It's odd that you can encounter famous people just about anywhere. While my mum worked at Waitrose, Ozzy Osbourne was a regular customer and they used to terrorise the shitty customers together. My great uncle is a friend of John Cleese and my flatmate had an hour long conversation with Bill Bailey at an airport in Switzerland.


what an awful attempt at an argument


Arrive home. Remove pants.


Or dumb as fuck (American.)


Beautiful. Also, congrats on not being murdered.


wELL THERE'S YOU'RE ANSAR.  iN THE FUTURE HUMANS WILL EVOLVE AND BE MOAR LIKE *OMGPANIC*.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GROUND!


lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll


But then people will feel bad for the people who are voted off and then adopt them. It's a win-win situation.


Call it whatever you want, OP, you're still pretty gay.

Edit: /s. Pls no more downvote.


Depressed.   He probably was depressed.


Awww, look at you. Trying to spell big boy words and make big boy sentences. It's so *cute*.


"STOP RESISTING" - Cat


DAE hate sports guys that bullied my neckbeard in high school?


Jupiter has ways of shutting down legitimate impacts.


probably the button for that is your girlfriend's clitoris. press it a couple of times -wOw- you've had a baby.

what did you do with the bottles when that baby turned toddler?

tHrEw ThEm In ThE mOtHeR fUcKiNg TrAsH

fucking comedian. death is so fucking funny.


You don't have to insert the money into the cooter.


Only works if op actually put a copyright on his design.


I can see why some people really like it, and I'll never bash anyone for a different opinion, but god damnitt, I just thought it was so dumb.


Stephen Fry is also an attention-seeking cunt of the highest order who unfortunately believes the hype that he is a 'national treasure'. I think most Brits would rather he disappear.


> Before I go any further with this tale let me say that I love bad dates. I love the moments when disaster appears imminent and you can almost hear the clackety clack of the rollercoaster climbing the hill before gaining speed and sliding off the rails. So despite (or because) of the things she's already said, I'm having a great time.

This is one of the best things I've ever read.


Hey everyone we have an Uncle Atheist over here!


Look at this guy knowing all the fancy words an shit.

I hope you go all filial piety and bozark your dad.


I used to get married, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


>One time I bought pills at a rave. The guy said it was meth. 15 minutes after swallowing them I barfed foam all over the dancefloor. It was laundry detergent.

Wow, what the fuck. Fuck that guy.


I like your name, samout.


The parents on the Rugrats were terrible. Those kids were always unattended. And I've noticed quite a bit of that type of dialog in the Nick shows from the 90s.


I didn't see it.  Relax.


Oh my god, did that poor girl think it as 1945 or something? Jesus Christ!

Also, I would feel awkward as fuck if I were the dude.


Big dumb niggers were bread to resist pain living under the whip. This is why officers need every weapon possible at their disposal, niggers aren't normal human beings, they're are violent creatures, and violence is the only language they understand.


I am socially awkward penguin not Vinny Chase.


How do you not have more upvotes!?


For sure. That was intentional. Video evidence of attempted murder.


-shorts with her ass hanging out the bottom and a tube top.. How modest..
-you are responsible for how much you drink and shouldnt drink more than you can handle.
-and yea id say maybe my views on partying are pretty jaded, but i have seen this same shit at every party ive been to so... Yea idk how you can just assume people who get this fucked up are innocent.


Then we will know the exact date he was killed


QQ most women want the attention and then just get "offended" when they catch a guy looking at the girls. God forbid men want to stare at boobs. Bitch


I think the same thing every time I fill out a job application.


You may as well ask her to cheat on you, then demand half your stuff and 40% of your yearly salary as child support for the kid she has with the other guy.

Welcome to America.


At large scale supermarkets such as Wal-Mart, there is no way possible to keep you from entering one of their thousands of locations. Return, man. Do it.


She was supposed to be. It's a movie. Actors pretend to be someone else.


Ha! He knows what he wants to ask. This post is just showing off.


This man speaks it like it is.


Monsoon season those bitches up.


It takes an intelligent gay or lesbian person to see through the charade of bisexuality.


Not just communities, FBI.


Because GYG don't actively market (with Kids meals etc) to children


Take her advice. Attend funeral, seek employment elsewhere. Fuck that thundercunt.


>Ayyyy stop ruining my *unoriginal* shitty pun.

FTFY, I've seen this pun mentioned numerous times already, don't claim it as your own.


Red Sea Pedestrian is now my favorite name for Jews.


Never mind you're right.  All of those downvotes and your reply really showed the light.  Men pretending to be women should totally be acceptable!


Quit your bitchin', Costanza


Yes, I'd fuck her so hard. I'd shoot her and fuck the bulet hole until she dies.


I don't allow funny stories on set.  They waste time.  Time that could be spent in the writer's room, wasting time.

I have many dream projects.  But all the money in the world means just one thing:  spaceships.  Spaceships in trouble.


>, I would have removed it. The commentor would not have been banned, but if the vast majority of their contributions to the subreddit turned out to be "fuck you cis scum" I'd have asked them to knock it off.

Um what?


Renesmee still does and will forever hold the spot of absolutely the stupidest fucking name I've ever heard.


Its been a rough few years. The bastardization that was into the darkness cut deep.


as long as you do ZJKZJKZ or ZZZZZ I guess.... :P


Shit excuse. If depression completely ceases your empathy for others then fine - otherwise what he did was very selfish. There are many ways to kill yourself, how about you don't involve another innocent party?


I don't think you understand just how mapley this syrup is sir.


Yes, actually, they are.

There are mid-level specialties such as Family, Peds and GP.

But, thank you for clarifying the miscommunication. I edited original post to include this point.


He was the only one playing. Everyone online was one of his alts


Upvoted for South Park reference

Edit: 60 downvotes. Really people?


i know people have talked about Pam getting a spin-off. I'm pretty sure it was called The Poovey Files and she was like Magnum PI


We see what you did there.

It just wasn't funny.


The togas limit their agility.


He is autistic. There is just no other way. He fucking must be


she's too young for you bro


Yeah, I didn't specify how i'm going to get there...


*Get misty eyed and sputter out* "Can... can your phone call heaven?"

Proceed to get away with whatever you want.


Or the end of Toy Story 3 :( the end of my last great childhood memory.


Cum on with the puns already!


And Patrick Stewart.


>This is why we vaccinate people so we don't have outbreaks of these diseases.

Which, as my cdc.gov link has shown, doesn't stop outbreaks...


Obama dodged the hardest hitting question of them all.


Call of Duty > Any zelda other than lttp


Right? That's where I thought this was going.


Fortunately I didn't opt for 'Americ**ts' as this is a family site, although some of that statement may be incorrect, I forget sometimes. Oh America...


Toothpaste! It's basically the anti-lube!

Worst. Product slogan. Ever.


No-one of value to OOo left.  If they all complained constantly that Oracle wouldn't ever allow them to commit anything, how in the fuck could they have ever have contributed anything of value?

I say good riddance.  The world needs less freetard and more people with half a clue.


Inertia is a property of matter.


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


that is fucking epic


um maybe its actualy chargin have you though of that i hate teh way guys always think girls dont know what theyre doin us girls are good at gaming as well you know im a girl gamer (not a nerdy fat virgin so dont assume that) and i often whip boys asses at games like COD >:D


Welcome to the internet


If you're in middle school.


Kudos to you, you magnificent asshole


*it,*really,*helps,*REDDIT!(if you're going to be a fucking redditor  at least learn how to spell it)* so,*mean, *time. I don't know how old you are but learn how to fucking spell. This is ridiculous. I'm sorry for sounding  harsh but god damn read the dictionary.


Not OP, but let's begin...

Sell me this pen.

EDIT: Holy mother of God, you guys blew up my inbox.


how bout you actually put his name here so he can be called out for the bullshit liar that he is? he sounds like a middle schooler looking for attention


Yes. The second photo almost killed me. A third would have been too painful.


I couldn't even play the game after 2 hours. It's awful.

BC2 players lose because they paid for that awful mess.


"Hello?"

"Hi there."

*angrily* "Who is this?!"

"Dude, what? You have call display. Do you not even look?"

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER?!"

"I'm... I'm gonna let you go man."


The ball was gone when he jumped, Adding to the fact when he got pushed he was mid air leading to a heavier landing. He was looking for the foul no other player jumps while shielding the ball.


NERV Headquarters are easy to infiltrate, aren't they?


Better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission ;)


That has to be it! Nothing else makes sense.


Your reward for runner up negative KARMA!!!


As a Christian, I hate this saying. I'm strapped for cash, can't pay my bills, and you offer prayer for me? Bitch, Jesus would have offered to take me out for a sandwich, if nothing else. Don't go back to your cozy house and ask God to send someone that could help. BE the someone.


Isn't most rap "music" like that?  Also, I am perfectly fine with this; there is way to many morons in the Army that listen to rap and try to act all gangster.


This is why the "Say the alphabet backwards" sobriety test is bullshit.


THIS!

Ooooh. THIiiiiisss.. Thiiiis sooo much Thisthisthisthisthisthisthis.

Eat this you lot of sweat festering cunts. Ttttthhhiiiissss.. ooh it annoys you. Thhiiiiisssssssssssss. Oh no.. downvoooooooootesss!

edit: for clarification, I really could care less about downvotes.

THIS!


Firefly. I hate pimping products- unless I use them.


I know that but you said "Fallout", not fallout 3, it implies that bethesda made fallout (the series)


No kidding.  We were exhausted and got to our hotel pretty late.  My wife dressed up in some sexy lingerie she got as a gift and we proceeded to crawl into bed and eat wedding food leftovers packed up for us and a bottle of champagne and chocolate strawberries while our dog snuggled with us and begged for scraps.

It was perfect.


That isn't how this website works.

>take a lesson from SRS

Fuck no.

I'd rather burn this place to the ground.


Actually, if he/she is any good, they would surprise you.


He posted a picture of the rocket. People wanted verification, so he posted extra pics. I don't even get where the whole "Russian propaganda agent" stuff comes in. That's what I'm saying.


That's like saying "one time I played Russian Roulette and candy came out of the barrel when I pulled the trigger. Try that".


I guess technically nobody has to bring a NEW condom.  Their previously used one is there and ready to be reused.


When I was young I was obsessed with the blink 182 album "enema of the state". I had no idea what enema was at the time but I thought it'd be a beautiful name and named some of my damn sims that or something.


eh its clearly real u can see his face and teh guy has red hair jus like Louise CK so yea, downvoting your comment because its misleading (:

**edit why the downvotes? its clearly louis ck LOOK AT THE F'ING GIF if u dont believe me**


As an English person when I read 'Upperclassman' I actual read ' Upper Class Man' and so when I imagine your story it contains a tall chap in a tail coat and top hat with a monocle ho hop hey-ing down stairs.


came here to say this


Any remake should feature Pee-wee sitting there for 25 minutes and eating every last bite of his breakfast, while staring fixedly into the camera the entire time.


**YOU'RE** face palming? How you think I feel when I know what I am saying is 100% true and I get 100+ down votes?


Exactly.

You'd first wonder - why? No other women do it - much too forward. And surely there are hotter guys around here.

Is she a prostitute? A con artist leading me to get mugged?

These would be the questions running through my head as I followed her to have sex.


it is definitely not hilarious, but it is on purpose.


"2044 - Humans have settlements on Earth, the Moon, Mars and its moons, and Ceres."

I'm going to hold you to that.


I don't hate to be that guy- No change fattie. Are you squatting Big macs??


>or a cheeseburger

he's a keeper


If you haven't seen this repost before you deserve to die.

...sorry that was harsh.


Lol. The first time I was with my husband I gave a (really really terrible) blow job and he didn't cum (it was literally my first time seeing a penis). I had to leave to sit an exam and I felt terrible, I remember walking to my car thinking "What the heck is he going to do now?? He'll have to masturbate and he's in a hotel and probably doesn't have any porn or lotion" :(


There are some ugly cunts out there, and this is one of them.


half of europe does this


For trying to be funny and the guy responding childishly?

Yeah, ok.


Which is what reddit has told reddit since reddit became reddit. dawg.


Good man? Not to those seagulls. They starved because of him.


People keep asking me this.  WORST CONSPIRACY THEORY EVER.  Have you ever quit a job where you were making like $75K an hour?

But I think that lady who beat me was probably born in Indonesia, or Kenya, or something.  Disqualified!


if every man did what their wives told them, we'd all be dead by now


Dafuq was that guy's problem?

"Oh shit, a naked 15 year old, better interrupt the vows and chase him down!"

**EDIT** I get it, the groomsman is meant to keep the groom safe or what ever. Pretty sure most people DONT know this, as it's an obviously antiquated tradition.


Mata, Falcao and Di Maria. Surely a United supporter shouldn't spout the CL nonsense? Edit: I fail.


I am The People's Bard. Your comment introduced me to the genius of /u/fuckswithducks, so I wrote a song for him: [http://clyp.it/1dr5f3ul](http://clyp.it/1dr5f3ul)


How is it bullshit in this situation. They both deserve it.


The Discovery Channel has plenty of money, I mean, they can blow shit up all the time on every other show. It is time to stop following around sharks and truck drivers and get back to learning some science!


So he calls me out on being a poor, bad player and I can't back myself up?

This circlejerk is cringeworthy. I know I'm an abrasive asshole, but please understand he comes out with the biggest bullshit first - calling me a poor cunt via both PM and on the thread. It's childish to reply, I know...but why the fuck not? It's both a bit of banter and some good old fashion SJW-esque fun.


Well, we'll just have to see about that ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


Am I the only one who feels like anyone with a legit use for ABS should have their license revoked?  I've only ever had it kick on in snow and make me take longer to stop.


"Let's go see what's on Reddit!"

REDDIT IS DOWN

"Awweh..."

-Five minutes later-

"Let's go see what's on Reddit!"

REDDIT IS DOWN

This was my afternoon. I lead a piss-poor existence.


We've talked about this, and no. We realize it's extremely selfish and it makes both of us bad people, but we've gone over it. She loves the guy, but it's different from what we have. Yes I realize this is rationalizing bullshit. If a kid ever enters the situation, we've decided we'd *try* to stop things, but until then, no.


Actually I walked out crying.


Does it really help the OP for you to brag about how okay you are with period sex?


Yep, but then he just has to sit in his pool to survive the continuous onslaught, all while helplessly watching other people slowly steal all of his bacta.


Still karma whoring. Just because he provided a source in the comments, after someone called him out on reposting, doesn't mean he didn't steal it.


tried that once... she choked :(

edit: holy crap, this comment blew up!  Since this is my highest scoring comment, I'll take this opportunity to be seen by the community:

Volunteer your time locally.  Local initiatives effect the most measurable change.  If you have enough for yourself (and time left over to browse reddit), give back to those struggling.

And tip your waitresses!


You think? I know I'm being an asshole, I'm asking for advice/wisdom. I wish I could just stop.


"IT Guy" aswell...

a bored IT guy is a good IT guy


Really? OK, Which game? Who was playing? FACTS! Else please your head back in the sand


Well, that's going to be disappointing for Misty.


Meaning "member", as in a country dick or phallus. The other "remembers", meaning, the first is such a dick, who could forget? Like saying, "yes, we *know*!", but puts emphasis on "member", thus setting off the double meaning of member/phallus.

Doesn't really seem all that witty to me.


You have no idea how happy you have just made me.


You shouldn't rely on a fictional book at all. Just ask L. Ron Hubbard fans how that worked out for them.


Even more... although [evenkeeled](http://i.imgur.com/gh9wq.jpg) joined 4/5/12, [carlyeast](http://imgur.com/ot5D5) and [barbieann](http://i.imgur.com/9r91I.jpg) joined on the same day.


It was too smart for their readers though, unfortunately. They shouldn't try to be clever. Selling papers is meant for making money and entertaining the readers, not for trying to push your personal conspiracy theories onto the entire nation.


Dude college friends aren't real friends, just wait. Retirement home friends, now those are the ones that are there to the end.


It would probably help if you guys were not upside down all the time.


I've discovered that sometimes people are alone for a reason.


The gun nut paranoia never ends, I hope you mean.


How else will you disguise the time of death?


Do drones on the left ever get tired of blaming everything on the Kock brothers?


IT'S NOT IRONY!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY!


just shit about building a bridge.. I want to fuck someone up for humiliating me!!

Thanks to those who have sent me some PMs!!


No Technology, No Internet, No Reddit!

Goddammit! Generating Electricity and having a control over it is really one massive achievement of humanity. Opening doors for almost everything we have today.


Sorry for standing up for a govt that granted us rights.


American here, I have no fucking clue. That one annoys me too.


Life its awesome for me right now. Except my fear of heights, but other than that. Solid.


I think he has a really strong sense of humor.


Irrelevant. As per your "impartiality," that was forfeited when you were butthurt by the facts I posed. Try to relax, you can't change economics.


It's "etc.", you're fucking fired.


How is it arbitrary? I'm sure scientists measured a mile and found that there were 5280 feet in it. Using 10 seems arbritary. What about people with only 9 fingers? How are they supposed to use the metric system?


Then you find out he's just a [rich dick](http://i.imgur.com/KGZN7WB.jpg).


I'm a republican.........


Post a picture of you with your parents.


I can't upvote this enough lmao


I don't think I could handle the work load. I mean, 16 weeks of a 93 year old Chinese man shitting in my mouth? Good thing it's not a general.


Not men with standards.


Nope, there were several positions come up in HR.


and your a fucking idiot.  The poor allready have heathcare paid by the taxpayers.  They recieve THE EXACT fucking care that someone with paid insurance recieves.  I know plenty of people that recieve no cost healthcare because of their income.

The myth that poor people don't have healthcare is propaganda slobbered out of the sickening mouths of people like you.


"We thought he was gay, didn't think his gayness was so bad that he'd want to suck off other guys though."


So close to doable. Too bad for the burning man; I don't dig hippies.


I know, right? I mean, it's not like women can even be sex offenders or anything. Everyone knows only men can commit sex crimes.

^^^I ^^^hope ^^^you ^^^guys ^^^can ^^^tell ^^^I'm ^^^being ^^^sarcastic...


Wrong.  It you are gong to call someone else a liar do not go on to lie yourself.  The minimum estimate, even from left-wing news organizations - is several hundred thousand.


Nice try Google+ employee


honestly though I gotta say your best friend is at fault here. to a guy a pussy is a pussy, his dick takes over his mind in the heat of the moment. hopefully you no longer talk to your "best friend"


Cool facts time! That's called [Semantic Satiation!](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Semantic_satiation)

The moar you know, the moar you Tom Cruise.

*added link.


Right. Any "someone" who thinks Eli is a good QB has a low football understanding.


What did you decide to do?


Are you actually five?  Who gives a shit?  Go fucking kill yourself kid


I'd call that a fair assertion. My colon bacteria outnumber me 100 billion to 1, yet *I'm* not the one living in a colon.


It's a shame that Jazz musician had a son who is a third rate comedy actor that takes advantage of tasteless pseudo-intellectual morons... He must be so proud. OMG HE IS BRITISH OMG I LOVE HIS ACCENT WHERE DID HE GET THOSE SHOES


*Gets on one knee, pulls out a ring*...
"faledale, Will you have sex with me?"

edit: Sorry baby didn't mean to call you falsedale. This is like the third proposal I messed up...


I want to upvote cause you said thanks but ended up downvoting because of you not expecting 14 year to write good. Like superman.


It's still a pretty terrible art piece.


Tell me how to prove it and I will... I really can't think of a way though. I will be calling on Monday however.

EDIT: autocorrect error/spelling


Don't tell me how to live my life.


Actually you can't play it like that. Cards are required to have mana cost name and p/t visible


Wow. Redditors and their generosity never ceases to amaze me. Even if your friend at Blizzard is really busy and cannot help, I am still amazed by your generosity. Thank you very much.


now... if they could only make the game fun to play.