I pretty much made that up. I have no idea :)

The grid fins are super important for landing with precision. The aerodynamic forces are way too strong for the nitrogen thrusters. In particular, achieving pitch trim is hopeless. Our atmosphere is like molasses at Mach 4!


I feel guilty that i got a lot of upvotes in a comment about my grandfather dying yesterday. This should balance it out. DO YOUR WORST GUYS


Awww you're like the mobsters who use their drug money to look after their families


Yeah, everyone needs to take a chill pill.  It's not that big of a deal lol


It's just to use a phrase you remember for some reason. Mine, for instance, is a YouTube video.


Doesn't sound very strong to me, the stupid cunt didn't even make 19.


just about sums up my college career.


Robb Stark dies at the end of season 3 of Game of Thrones


her huge hands didnt even feel that huge anyways.


Death warning would have been nice.
EDIT: My god, you sure are angry. A rebel post hit by a tank shell isn't necessarily manned, and I said a warning would've been nice, not I demand one or are terminally offended. But good thing you could slap someone with your dicks. Jesus.


I like my women like I like my oval offices

No sign of Bush


what if i told you

to shut the fuck up


I have a 3in1 Epson printer. I cannot scan to file if there is no ink in the machine. I CANNOT *SCAN* IF THERE IS NO *INK* IN THE GODDAMN MACHINE!

There is a place in hell for the person who thought of that feature.


fuck me? no fuck you! and i'm not your bro


no, this is a megacolon:

&#9679;

&#9679;


I wasnt saying your words were kiling her, i was saying you are the kind of shit human the world would be better off without. Werent you raised right? If you dont have something nice to say then shut the fuck up for ever and kill your self


I'm kind of giddy and star struck, but I'm more completely at a loss that the guy that owns Tesla, the guy that owns a company that is putting a rocket into space tomorrow, just sent me a video of a cat riding a roomba chasing a duck.  What just happened?  I was having the worst day, and now everything seems alright.  Heck yeah!


I don't feel any pity for this man. I'm not sure if he deserved to die, but killing two people is fucked up.


They didn't often survive?!


They need to do way instain mother> who kill thier babbys. becuse these babby cant frigth back? it was on the news this mroing a mother in ar who had kill her three kids. they are taking the three babby back to new york too lady to rest my pary are with the father who lost his chirlden ; i am truley sorry for your lots


Nice brag.

Anyone can divide by 10. But having NINE friends!?! Wow!


unfortunately, yes.

but seriously, has someone posted this before?

**EDIT**: can someone provide an actual reason why anybody would bother downvoting that?

**EDIT**: was it the edit?

**EDIT**: it was the edit wasn't it

**EDIT**: omg my least succsesful post ever! keep it going guys!


I'm the opposite.

One nuts bigger than the other? Cancer.

Sore throat won't go away? Cancer.

Stomach is upset? Cancer.

Someone asks my zodiac sign? Cancer.

It never ends.


You mean Rooney, not soccer, right?


Like Chihuahuas? Most definitely!

They have like 2 emotions: jealousy and vibrate.


Had you wrote "haha" instead of "h4h4" i might have upvoted... this way, no.


I can just imagine them sat round a computer in another room.

"Either this guy's fapping or we're gonna have to break out the plunger".


> someone who was once an innocent child

Are you aware that description matches every single person in the world?


"I've done a lot of porn" is the correct response


I didn't think it needed a source since everybody knows cyanide and happiness, and it had been modified (although not by me)


"Go the fuck up stairs before I break your fucking jaw" is also a great quote.


yeah... suck his dick now like a good boy.

he pretty killed your post being on front page uh?


Ahhhh the "I'd like to speak to your manager" haircut


No, it was a joke. Get a sense of humor and don't comment on every post that you felt the need to.


That made me laugh! Was her belly button sore afterward?


Are you a nigger? Or a wet-hole? Or a walking-dick? Or a gringo? Or a kyke?

Why would you call him a midget?

Asshole


HE'S SELLING CHOCOLATES!

Edit: Holy shit calm down you cockos. Gold? It wasn't that funny ya fucks.

Edit 2: Ha. Yeah, ya like that ya retards?


Too bad Eazy E died of AIDS and his money was blown on hookers and crack.  What's unbelievable is that we voted one of them into the highest office of the land.  **SHUDDER**


By home, you mean mama's house (lol).


11/10 with rice

EDIT: [your downvotes dont affect me](http://treasure.diylol.com/uploads/post/image/510498/resized_palpatine-meme-generator-good-good-let-the-hate-flow-through-you-a2f669.jpg)


Her panties probably dropped on the spot.


Is down voting like up voting in this sub? Cause you have a great comment.

Edit: just wanted to thank you everyone for the love you are showing me. Fucking dicks.


I'll buy it off you.

Edit: I once bought a cum box off some guy.


Oh noes! The downvotes! However will I live with myself now! Oh woe is me!


"You were supposed to come in on Saturday, what were you doing?"

"Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be."


u/Franco_DeMayo is a faggot!  Downvote if you agree!


You accidentally said 'and' instead of 'or'.


I'm fully convinced you're either a troll or an emotional fanboy who needs to check his sodium levels. If you are real, it's pretty obvious you had no rebuttal for my argument so I advise you to learn how to argue. Did you also create a bunch of alts to downvote me too?

Edit: Oh man I just saw your post history. I know what type of person you are now. I'm clearly wasting my time.


lots of ass questions. it is embarrassing to admit but this was my very first time


The comment was supposed to be read as "you have very poor fashion taste"


What if I'm too old to get grounded?
Edit; Thanks for the gold.


Really? he deserved to die because he jumped onto some guy's car?

EDIT: This is my most downvoted comment ever, hah. I kind of wish there was a "I don't want comment replies from this comment in my inbox" button on comments you posted. I'm not going to delete this since I stand by what I said regardless of the downvotes but I keep getting my inbox spammed :(


They may have asked the questions about kids and spouse to see how many people in your household. When you go back with your spouse, they will know that no one is home (if no kids or kids are in school). They rob your house. I suspect that this happen to my neighbor. They were at a time share seminar when there house was "randomly" broken into.


MOMMMMYYYY!!!!! WAT ID DA APETOL SCIENCE HANDHEWD POLTOL DEVICE?????? GOO GOO!!!!


Up to a month? So you're saying you wash your jeans every month? What are you, the queen of England?


He loved slamming into the ground?


I was sure you were going to say they were sleeping with each other.


Because there is so much shadow you can't see **le** crappy parts of **le** costume


Are you the guy who's been fucking my mom?!


I used to upvote for page references... but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I personally would rather not have the cops shoot my pool of printer ink, thank you very much.

Edit: Gold! Thank you anonymous redditor who appreciated my passive aggressive comment!


I just want to dick around without messing up my main? I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one


I thought Bing Crosby was black until I was in my late 20's. I'm not sure why. Never saw a picture of him, and maybe the similarity to the name Cosby.


someone reportedly from chief keef'ssquad shot him down in a drive by


You did hear me say MARRIED, right?


I'm pretty sure I know who said that. From his point of view it's pretty much true, but I don't think he realizes that the employees are the ones who invited me to be first in line. Also, I'm normally not much of an ass, but it was Skyrim, and I wasn't playin. Skyrim was the only reason I was alive that year.


i thought so but only for korea.


quit being over-sensitive, Biden. you're a goddamn politician on national stage.


That's the first thing Doc told me, cock and balls suffered no major injuries. I'm very lucky.


I think you need to stop worrying about a stranger and move on with the life your mother gave you.


The abrasiveness of a washcloth/loufa helps remove dead skin and dirt from your pores.  The Romans used metal "scrapers" to achieve the same. With your hand you are just petting yourself.


MY MOMMY SAYD DAT SHE WISH DAT MY BRODER JONATON WASN'T PWODUCE TODAY CAWSE SHE HAD DA JONATON WEN SHE HAD SEXY TYME WIT DA NASTIE NIGGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LE GOO GA GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I'm glad everyone likes it! To answer your questions, this is an original story, although obviously influenced by Lovecraft.

My wife makes me tell her a story every night before bed. I told her this one after watching a documentary on deep sea creatures. After she asked if it was true, I laughed at her and she punched me many times.


How can this post possibly have +75 with 40 minutes in

scam


"I just want to say that I am not a racist. I don’t even see race, not even my own. People tell me I’m white, and I believe them, because I just spent the last six minutes explaining how I’m not a racist. And that is about the whitest thing you can do." - Stephen Colbert


I wanted legal advice, not repeats of what I already know. I'm not going to get emancipated if I can tell it means I'll have to drop out of school, because if I can tell it means I'll have to drop out of school, that probably means I can tell it means I'll have to drop out of school. Your advice is fucking tautologic. Goodbye.


Wow, you would make an *excellent* scientist.


But we're related. [](/ok) Families do that for each other.


Does anyone really bother with that? Seems like more effort than it's worth really.


>You honestly did NOTHING clever or funny.

I know. And it still fooled everybody. That's depressing.


This entire post makes me want to scream


I used to make her a blood mage but then I took an arrow too the knee!


Before someone fucks themselves, I want to point out that this law only applies if it's also more than 7 days before your date of travel.


They bleat like sheep weirdly enough.


I like how your correction actually made what Nestle did much worse.


Fuck gabe he is a fat pedophile. I don't understand how u gaming faggots can be so obsessed with a pedophile. It is creepy and disgusting. Batman is a movie based off of a comic book, comic books are for kids. It's creepy as fuck that u nerds are into the same thing as kids. That basically makes u all pedophiles obsessed with a fat pedophile. It's disgusting fuck u


It's amazing what humans can accomplish when they don't give a fuck about an entire group of people.

Edit - for all of you asking, it's from his last hbo special

-Louis CK


>I don't like someone or something so I just call them racist

Typical libertard logic.


There is something incredibly *wrong* with your mother.


Your power of observation is astounding.


He's still alive, so no.


Those are still owned by the dairy. Somewhat like kegs, they were not his to give away.


Well, this fortune cookie tastes terrible, so they must've left the msg out of it. Oh wait, there is a msg written on this little paper.


No he did not, because this is fake. We need some goddamn proof.

EDIT: he added proof. thanks MetallicCripple, and good luck in life, man.


What? 65 and she looks that good? She's a witch!

Edit: I just woke up, checked reddit over breakfast and it seems I've struck gold... I'm rich, bitches, let's go burn some witches!  Bring your own pitchforks but torches are on me.


Whiteknights alwaays ruin the fun


Oh good, that is much more efficient.


Why isn't FDR on here? Millions of people starved to death in the US under his completely fucking insane economic policies, same as Stalin and Mao.


Hey, /u/Warlizard, I'm sure you must get this all the time, but I really have to ask...

... Can I have some of your fries?


Funny how the only comment in this thread that I downvoted ended up making it to number one.


I once bought some lean cuisines, a bottle of wine, and an engagement card for a friend and the coupon that popped out for me at the self-checkout was for cat food.


I brought up engineering because I figured, like much of Reddit, maybe a more technical approach would help you understand.

Obviously not. You're just thick in the head.

I'm done talking to you, racist.


Please don't edit this.

Edit: thank you for the gold. Amazing.


I actually did ask her if it was alright if I just helped her clean up and then take off before people came. You can imagine her response.


Thats not that unusual! Don't feel bad! On average 1 out of every 2 people don't get an erection during sex.

Edit: Thank you to the anonymous stranger for popping my cherry! Much like 70% of the posts on this thread there is blood everywhere and it hurt a little bit, but I think I will recover.

The gold was nice, too!


Elon got the club going up

on a Tuesday


NO ITS NOT FUNNY. DOWNVOTE EVERYTHING!

INCLUDING ME. (ESPECIALLY ME!)

EDIT: KEEP IT COMING!!!!

EDIT2: AND FINALLY I'D LIKE TO THANK THE MULTIPLE ACCOUNT NECKBEARDS WHO DEDICATED THEMSELVES TO MY CAUSE!


Haha! You thought your family was dead!! YOU IDIOT!! classic.


Think you've missed the Champions League a bit there lads


Alien is a better portrayal of pregnancy/birth.


You do know that frozen meals are bad for you and more expensive than whole/fresh foods right?


I would LOVE to be in a restaurant where a waiter or manager tells a persnickety customer that the chef has left the building because of their order, and there will be no more food.


In hindsight I feel like OP deserved to get shafted like this. Like, the universe knew he was going to say something fucking retarded and pre-emptively punished him.

EDIT: People keep saying I "faked" cancer as if I played some sort of role.

"I have cancer. No I don't!" Doesn't count as faking in my book. That you people were too fucking stupid to check to make sure isn't my problem.


I don't know what you're talking about, [I loved it.](http://i.imgur.com/2o7Kz8b.jpg)

Help.


Shit, you beat me to it then. Doesn't matter, got karma.


A million dollars, bro


because, they mention something worthwhile. not appealing to the desires of the idiotic masses.


I drink the blood of Kristen Stewart.


Owls are not fawning sycophantic pandering animals like you, your shitty puppy or kitten and don't need nor want scratching.


Bright light is up in sky. Will Master play today? No, Master still sleeping. That's okay. I love Master. I can wait.

Why does Master sleep underground?

I miss Master.


Bikini muffin-top is a close second.


Let's drive up to the Griffith Observatory on Saturday and get away from these crowds!


I.... I don't...... I'll try to help...

JAJAJAAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAAJAJAJAJA


Well that ending certainly came out of left fucking field.

Obligatory edit: *Thanks, glorious faceless benefactor!*


Trust me, he was being an ass, but that is who he is.  Their house got tp'd once and our friend used shredded paper.  He found strips to a personal check, then called the parents, asked to speak with their son, then talked shit and made him come over and clean up the mess.


Couldn't have been that hard. All he had to do was measure the waist of OP's mom.


I love my wife too much to leave her stranded. You're right, though, it isn't really fair for me to stress out about this. But I know that if I don't take the initiative, she surely won't. She has a passive nature. And yet, she's the one who started all of this...


There's a guy in their board meetings biding his time to propose his revolutionary idea of plop plop plop plop fizz fizz fizz fizz.


And their hair colour is, is that what you're saying?


>Disclaimer: I was the first webmaster for NIN.

    <body bgcolor="#000000">

Well, that's lunch


yea bro because that huge picture of obama in the background doesnt give it away


>7 inch radius

That's a pine tree, not a dick


I'll be looking too. That girl is chubby but she's no 'elephant,' I'd still rape the shit out of her! :)


And that was the moment Vladamir Putin knew what he wanted to do for the rest of his life...


Stopping this "pun" thread right here (before the anti-climax) because it's always so annoying in /r/jokes (this is not /r/puns guys).

Edit: Frustrated punsters gangbanging me now


Scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. I believe I am that human being.


As someone who read it all: fuck you, it does do it justice.


Thread full of exceptionally douchey neighbors, and you post your exceptionally cool one.


Well, I'm sure the money from your book sales will keep you comfortable.


As a lizard man living at the bottom of Chesapeake Bay, I find this comment offensive.


you realize that (you're) an asshole.


I created my account today so no Karma...

Guess I will wait to be mocked then!

Edit: God I wasn't expecting the comment to grow like this and receive gold on my first day here. Thanks a lot kind strangers!


LET THE DOWNVOTES CUM


Alright, I'll keep that in mind the next time I have an opportunity to be a soldier in WWI.


I guess I just fail to see the supposed conflict of interest.


>Poocassos

Well, I'm done.


TIL - "crazy" = pathetic, in the "entire speedrunning community".  What a garbage video, full of garbage people, circle-jerking over how "awkward" they all are.  LPT - If you waste time watching another person play a videogame, you should probably look in a mirror/shower/go outside/DO SOMETHING ELSE.  I don't hate often, but this is warranted.


Several decimal points.


Even worse is someone who buys food from a discount store


> It's like Amber, but hot.

FTFY because pun.


Dude... I thought to myself, reddit is exactly how I thought it would be. It's glorious!


GARY INDIANA GARY INDIANA NOT LOUISIANA PARIS FRANCE NEW YORK OR ROME! BUT GARY INDIANA GARY INDIANA GARY INDIANA! MY HOME SWEET HOME!

EDIT: Over 2000 points and gold for quoting a song from The Music Man... I don't get you reddit, but thanks.


fuck off with your stupid neckbeard cartoon references


"just like that"

"I'm mid cartwheel!"

Edit: yay gold! This is the first time someone who isn't my fiancée gave me gold. She only did it because I can hold a cartwheel.


OMG I JUST DIED LAUGING. XDDDDDD


> privileged fucks.

Nobody's stopping you from sticking a bat up your ass.


>Your dad is the kind of ~~cop~~ **DIRTY PIG** I think of when saying the pledge.

I STILL HAS DA DADDY OP LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU WANA PWAY WIT MY DADYY?????????????? GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I feel underutilized in my current position and would like to move into a position with more responsibility.


Great suggestion! I think I'm going to go with this one. Thanks very much for detailing it out.


>fighting *to the death*

Then the winner gets to keep the friends.


Zelda is not a game that is obscure or underground. Its pretty popular.


Well, the way she seems to take her hygiene I bet that asshole is really clean.


Don't know why you're getting upvoted... The CURRENT RESIDENT means the current person who lives at the address. I don't even get what you're trying to say... Downvoted.


Of all names.. Bertha?


Well two birds with one stone right?

Edit: I would like to thank SRS for the down votes. It's not a good joke until SRS throws a hissy fit. Does anyone know if I can get a banned from SRS trophy?


"Hey Rebecca, I bet you $20 that you can't give the next comedian a boner."


A dictionary steeped in the history of being written by educated people - or white males for most of that history. Dictionaries are inherently misogynist.


I watched that movie in an airplane and I was tempted to walk out of the theater.


Are you talking about Little Shop of Horrors or the Mitt Romney election campaign? One is a fun alternate ending; one is not.


*thinks "This date isn't going well. We have nothing in common. How can I break the ice?"*

"Hey, let's go take a shit at the same time."


I would like to be everyone's first downvote.


Tell the cops you have the recording. Tell your insurance company you havel the recording. Don't tell the other driver. Let them make their statement. Let them lie. Don't confront them. Let the charges against them pile up.

Edit: Please down vote. I was never meant to have this much karma. Something's amiss.


God damn,do you have a lot of time in your desposal!!!First of all,I think the meme is funny even if I was lying(but I am not).Second of all,I probablly deleted a post being rejected by a mod,I am sure you being the brave man you are would not do that.Third of all,get a life man.


But that name didn't really work doh

Gold edit: I wanted to personally thank the person who gave me gold, but http://youtu.be/LvKkZhhnuFk


You got your science education from Fisher-Price university, I take it.

You *obviously* have the ability to use Google. Google those terms. Learn. Yes, we can make photons travel faster and slower than c.

I said photon flux operates according to principles of entropy, that's right.

>No, not to you.

Not to anyone! You are a failure at all things scientific.


You are making that up. Nobody can get laid in a PT Cruiser, much less a yellow one.


Creative? Sure. Ugly? Absolutely.


Her: oh...

Me: Was I good?

Her: umm, here, have some Reddit gold


So is your attitude Mr Durden.


Here ya go

Edit: pic deleted :)


Wtf am i getting downvoted for! Shit like this really rustles my jimmies


Don't worry, I'll tank it out with you.

/r/ShitRedditSays says reddit's shit, but they're still on it.

Edit: My inbox is so stuffed it took me scrolling down here and reading my own comment to realise I had gold. Well, thanks.


&#3232;\_&#3232;

GET OFF MY LAWN


Fuck your sister than all doubts gone.


Totally botched the reply.

e: haha yeesh you people are silly. have a good sunday.


People really need to do the math. One cent less per gallon, let's assume a 2015 Suburban, one of the larger cars, so a 31 gallon tank. To go from empty to full, you're saving 31 cents. People will waste a few dollars in gas to drive across town to save a few cents per gallon...


God is not real and prayers do nothing.


*Alright class if you read page 46 it describes how Hitler, dubbed "mister grey" because of his heartlessness, tied up the Jews and fucked them*


Don't worry, /r/SubredditDrama is on the way!


Singles Awareness Day

Edit: My highest comment is SAD.


Glad I could be of service!


You have this adult thing on lockdown.


Can I cover u in man juice


Queue up 14GB of porn torrents, fap to the first one that finishes, cancel all downloads.

*Thanks a bunch!


I know the song, it was just a stupid comment. As if only "rap guys" like round asses.


-Adolf Hitler

See what happens when you don't credit your quotes?


You should work on your grammar if you want to learn the dream life. You just ruined a whole line of code with that mistake.

Edit: TIL that r/trees does not care about grammar.

Edit2: [K I'll see myself out.](http://i41.tinypic.com/rbifls.gif)


Holy shit, exactly how many people were married to my ex-wife???


if youre going to swear, you have no place on reddit


ben wyatt

enough said


Yes

Edit: Oh Goddamnit.

Edit2: Well this one now has more downvotes that the original did before it was bestof'd!

Edit3: -259 points? Buuuuul. Shiiit.


I'm not proud of what I've done.


Thumbs up if you like nickelback!


Part Four:

The next day the PI came over to settle up. I asked him how much he wanted. He said,

"I need about treefiddy."


>Finding women at bars

Those are literally the scum women of society.  There are much better places to find women who are good people both inside and out.


I don't get people, man. I saw this picture without any context and figured out for myself that you were memorializing Mulder, not crying out for attention.

I'm sorry for your loss.


Keep that to yourself, shitlord. Edit: It sure sucks when those males talk about their disgusting genitals amiright SJWs of Reddit??


This sort of goes along with a popular saying. "When is the best time to order a pizza? 45 min ago. When is the second best time? Right now." Or maybe it was something about planting trees. Idk, I'm hungry.


Jonathan **le** Man Penetrator...


I'm going to have my husband do this when I die except I want to be done up more like one of those standing stuffed polar bears you see clawing and snarling.


How old were you when she died?

Also I don't think your mom tried, she just existed next to you.

>He walked away and 22 years later decided to see how life treated me.

Your mom hurt you much more.


our teacher Mrs. Daniels was very brusque and upfront about it. The first thing I recall her saying was that America was being attacked and that people were dying. She had a way with words


The blood drains red,
My heart fills with dread,
As I proclaim, "they're all dead".


Yeah, they gave him tips to improve his distance.


Did you just completely miss everything I just said?


When you can talk about crotch problems using a foreign language, you're well on your way to being fluent.


No. Please learn some basic sociology and read the rules of this subreddit and FAQ before posting here again.


That puppy is Zeb Quinn. He got turned by a witch who left a signature on his rear windshield.


Not really. She was the one posting sexually provocative images; what did she expect?


*tips dick*

edit: holy sht someone popped my gold cherry tnx stranger


Your mom made me laugh, when she said that the sound of my huge balls slapping against her ass sounded like milk being poured and splashed repeatedly.


Selfie sticks are probably the least weird thing to EVER come from an Asian country.


He also has EIGHTY MILLION DOLLARS from a game he stole from Zachary Barth, creator of Infiniminer.


When you got there were you ever like, "Fuck, which one am I now?"

Edit: I guess this is implied but, thanks for my first gold stranger! Feels good up here.


Do you mean the time section of the upcoming IAmAs in the sidebar? The Upcoming IAmA part of the sidebar and the "Live now" and "Finished" section have been around for a while. However, we only do them for the few IAmas that we schedule, and I think OP is talking about doing it for all IAmAs, not just the few that we list.


Doctor/Patient confidentiality.


>What happens then?

Change ***then*** to ***than***.

**[Than](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Than)** introduces a comparison, and is associated with comparatives and with words such as more, less, and fewer.


I just look at my phone and nod before turning back.  That way, people think I just got a text from a friend and I'm going to see him.


THATS OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

edit* sheesh  I was just kidding ..  =(


this may be the best one here

**get a cup of water**

*aww Mister Ben, you're so thoughtful. I was feeling kind of parched*


Sounds like your parents are poor.


And adults everywhere would grow uncomfortable around you.


As someone with a Bachelor's of Science, Venti Chai Latte.  Thank you.


Does he fear you'll enter the pro dodgeball scene?


try again.. there has to be some kind of truth to it for it to truly hurt. This is easily disregarded.


Dat Twilight money tho.


Fuck yes. Now I get to ban a fuckton of subreddit drama shitstirrers. **waxes his ban hammer with troll blood**


And if he bangs one of them, they will *all* subsequently find out exactly how big his wiener is.


Do the research.  Explain the lack of zyclon b in ever supposed chamber.  gas chamber stories where false just like the skin lamp shades.  Im not a denier.  i just think its a travesty to the victims if we don't perpetuate the truth.


that feeling when you've woken up after a long sleep in a room that's really dry, and you dig out a huge hard chunk and breathe through a totally unobstructed nostril for the first time in hours

it's like not knowing that you need glasses and putting them on for the first time


As an oldfag from 2006 that part made me cringe.

EDIT: Only newfags will downvote this. Fellow oldfags are bros and upvote eachother.


Flush it next time so she won't notice.


The source is obviously imgur. [I do think my father will have to hear about this.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lfkm4dbBVh1qdpla0o1_500.gif)


Was your friend's name Oscar?

EDIT: Obligatory thanks for gold


Came in to make a clever Demon Souls/Dark Souls reference and reap that sweet sweet karma, just gave you an upvote instead.


How do you know she masturbates to it? Maybe she's just watching it for the story?

Edit: apparently /r/watchitfortheplot


that's probably because decades of smoking weed have made him completely retarded to the point that he can't even communicate clearly. it's sad, really.

edit: lol @ stoner losers downvoting from their mom's basements. get a job already!


Girls are temperary, sensei is forever.


*m'fedora tipping* **INTENSIFIES**

EDIT: m'downvotes???? NOOOOOOOOOOOO


the buddhist gives him a fifty, and the vendor pockets it. The ~~monk~~ buddhist asks for change and the vendor replies 'Change comes from within.'

edit: reading comprehension fail.


Very constructive to the discussion. &#3232;\_&#3232;


We'll find it sooner or later dear!


Fuck you, yes it was.

/sarcasm

EDIT: since no one understands sarcasm I will be in the corner [crying now](http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/funny-animal-gifs-animal-gifs-how-could-you.gif)


A grammar nazi's greatest dream...
*"an... Mr. President... An.."*


Yeah, there's probably something wrong with you then...


That arrow points straight at your username...


it's a pic of your mom, dawg


It is more, "you know what would make this work better? An outing."


That's the whole point.  If they are prepared, they will have biases.


And both were eventually got by the white man.


Of everything except for proper dialogue with almost every minor character.

C'mon. Compare dialogue trees in Fallout 3 with dialogues in original Fallout. I am not even talking about monsters like Arcanum.


This sounds pretty cool actually


actually the pain is probably the massive dick up you're butthole u fag xD


**[LAUGH TRACK INTENSIFIES]**


with shoes and all his clothes on


I kept putting my hand further down the pants thinking, "where the hell is this thing?"


hey jerkoff, post some proof


> bizarre makeup and 30 pounds of raw meat.

http://i.imgur.com/urdfQBx.jpg


Possible, but I think unlikely due to two reasons:

1. I never played the earlier CoD campaigns but from what I gathered from CoD 4/CoD 5 you never really see your face, so how would you know what you looked like?

2. It seems like a pretty notable easter egg and should have been mentioned in the Wiki.

damn yall downvote hard lol shit gets real


That went from 0 -  100 real fucking fast


If only their U.S. counterparts took their job as seriously. Instead they're busy juking stats and playing the game to climb the ladder.

They don't give a single shit when an officer kills an innocent civilian and even turns their back to their commander in the mayor of NY's case for calling them out on their bullshit.


Life rule, not just sex rule: when the person you're in a relationship with seriously wants you to stop doing something, seriously consider it.


So, like all other bible pushers only that those with a certain number of followers classify as religions?


Sorry, I only speak freedom.


This sub is not about feminism or anti-feminism. It is about nothing but shits and giggles and trolling the shit bags that think this place is important.


Wow, haha. This is very informative. These glasses are clearly not aesthetically pleasing, but you know, I assumed there was no other way and I'm just happy to have sight. I intend to get new glasses soon so I'll show your post to the optician. I wore contacts as a kid but they just began to be really uncomfortable.


I'm also a brown-headed boy with a rusty-red beard. I will join your clan.


This is what desperation looks like.  Who knows how she will react when she gets a call from his divorce lawyer.


I want to say something dickish, so I will:

My karma is not 100 times more than yours.

It's 120 times more than yours.

So really, I don't care.


Most of my family members would barrage me with "what?... ummmm what?, WHAT?"

Ugh, I give up, just shoot me.


THAT'S REALLY HELPFUL MAN I READ IT IN THE VOICE OF JIM GAFFIGAN AND THEN I TYPED THIS IN THE VOICE OF EGORAPTOR CAUSE I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

DO YOU?


That's an incredibly low bar you have set...


> I am ~~worried~~ hopeful that Jim Carrey will suicide.


I suggest the term "Halomaker", because they make sure you're remembered as an angel.


Every meal should include chopped mushrooms/onions fried and smothered over whatever else it is you are eating.


"I downloaded a car. AMA"

Edit: Fuck /u/Nenad1979 if he thinks this edit will be about gold.


Oh the outrage this comment would raise if the genders were reversed, especially the "primary breadwinner" bit.


I like petting myself.


Don't come in here showing disrespect like that. There's a time and place for that and this post adds nothing of content to the intentions of this thread.


/r/worldnews - Your opinion is worthless. NOW LISTEN TO ME.


Conveniently deflecting away from the awful Sterling dive.


Found the cat.

EDIT: Thank you for the gold, this will support pro-canine efforts worldwide.


**HA, YOU MADE A REFERENCE TO SOMEONE'S USERNAME. SO ORIGINAL.**


I'm in the pizza business...

If I see "Grape Soda" on the tag I just assume no tip.

Racist? Perhaps. True 99% of the time? Yep.

EDIT: Hey guys. Just got off work. No grape soda in this order but suffice to say it was 7 african americans in a 2 bed motel room who were a total pain in the ass on the phone. No tip on a $40 something order.


Noone gives a shit about your pathetic fucking childrens game, why don't you faggots get a fucking life cuz this is SAD AS FUCK!


Update 1

* I make 400k a year
* I have a bigger dick than this "Dad" guy, not comparing just saying.
* I make her cum every time we fuck


This is not the only instance.  Just another instance to add to a very long list.  It is a new trend in the subreddit to downvote what you disagree with, and that is a problem.

Am I really off-topic for replying to *a direct quote from the original post*?


I was known as the stubborn one. I disagree.


YER, TERPERCERL SERBERBERN BERSH


I once biked right into a lake on 4 grams of shrooms. Just fucking pedaled myself right in, dunked my head, left the bike, and walked out back to land like I was a prehistoric tadpole evolving for the first time. I ruined that bike, but it was worth it.


My cat died today.... Nothing could make this day any worse.


That makes sense. I should talk like an auctioneer next time I ask a girl out.


The son is two, why weren't they already married? Don't people get married before you have kids?


If that isn't proof of your commitment and faithfulness to a promise, I don't know what it is.


my friend made this painting AGNES CEIL stole it from her wen she was a yung child living in the bronks fukin gtfo ass... straight up lies propagated by the masses of asses like U... THIS MAN IS TRYING TO DOWNVOTE MY FRIEND WITH LUKEMA DOWNVOTE HIM TO HELL! REDDIT


Honestly, it bugs the crap out of her to use it that long and bugs me to throw it out early.  win-win.


congratz, thats the joke.


that was ad libbed. nong chul is the name of the elevator guy and he is very famous comedian in korea. that is a very popular dirty move he has been doing for 6 years and i asked him to do it in my video. if i am underneath, it would be dirtier!

we only did 2-3 takes and everyone on the video set was crying from laughing.  definitely my favorite scene in the video.


You know, I don't care that he does it. He can do what he wants. But I do find it sad that people think it is such an amazing accomplishment.

Guys, if you think this is great, try to beat some world records. You can do such amazing things such as staring at a wall or standing on one leg.

Bunch of pathetic fanboys.


Then sell it on Etsy as "organic distressed."


Its almost like theyre insucure about their weight. Imagine that, your making fun of them probably doesnt help either.


Heck of a moviegoing experience.


That's not equality.

edit: maybe i should clarify my comment for the people too stupid to understand. equality can't just be subjectively handed out. either it's equality or it's not. if you give someone "equality" when it's convenient then it's not equality. it's privilege.


A fat, surrendering, dimwitted spy.


I guess you could say

(puts on sunglasses)

(•_•) /

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

He dreads that they're locked there!

/(⌐■_■)/ *ftw*

ps: yes my replies are as good as my posts, some call me the perfect OP and I couldn't agree more! :D


Why do ducks have flat feet?

From stamping out forest fires.

Why do Elephants have flat feet?

From stamping out burning ducks.


I love the styling on these things. Very sleek car.

Edit: Why downvotes?


But they won't have my brand, I have special eyes.


What the fuck kind of reactionary bullshit response is that?

Edit: You sheeple are on the vaccine bandwagon, a doctor can't even reasonably
defend his opinion and personal beliefs without people screaming to strip his license and
witch hunting anyone who disagrees.


Are you the little shit who bought www.steam.com?


"Funny thing about my back, is it's located on my cock." ... Best line in **le** movie.


"How is this funny?"

"THIS IS /r/funny of course it's not funny!"

"Yeah this subreddit has really gone downhill since I joined in 2014"


Upvotes for you, sir!


Nor is it appealing to 90% of the western world.


####**More like in a world where women are opressed and sexually harassed by men, am i right?**

####END THE PATRIARCHY!


> Single female

Not disappointed ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


whereabouts in the UK? do you have a photo?

edit: I don't know why I am being downvoted but stop it please


I'd rather have faith in my pullout game than put my dick in a ziplock bag.


Please! NO! I have kids :O


No one wants to smell his natural Musk.


Yep. That was a pretty poor decision on my part. I can't unsay what I said. I made some mistakes, and that's something I just have to accept.


That is why I like the new James Bonds. In the new ones he is just tough as nails, running through walls, gets shot and stabbed multiple times. He even gets his fucking balls crushed by an insanely large monkey's fist, and laughs his ass off.

The old(er) ones with Pierce he gets shot at by 300 anonymous henchmen all named Vladmir and every single bullet avoids him. You ain't Neo, man.


I'm Irish/Welsh/German/Native American/French

I always figured the red was my Irish roots.


Netflix?! Jesus, I thought I was living on the edge browsing text-only subreddits, you crazy!

Edit: Thank you!


The difference between his post and mine is that he was complaining about how /r/gamingnews is, while I am telling you how /r/gamingnews is.


Ah, Australia. Come for the scenery, stay because you're in the hospital.


>Step 2 ~~not~~ mandatory.


I'm gonna go over there, and *small talk the shit* out of all of you


You're like average in my book. Trying being that 7ft tall guy in the group

Edit: a lot of almost tall people are upset with me

Edit2: I didn't even know this sub had enough people to downvote me this much


"Iwillmeetyouatthemovietheatreat5:30?"

"5:45,5:50,6pm,6:15..."


Oh spare us your fucking ridiculous platitudes and sentimentalities.

Edit: Oh I'm sorry, some overtly self-aware 'depressed' Redditors don't seem to grasp the fact that they have absolutely no reason to have suicidal thoughts.

Edit 2: Have fun festering in your speciousness, Reddit. Keep up the barrage of downvotes.


Doubt it. This is basically a daily ritual in Australia.


Pics or it didn't happen.


Yeah, I wish I could lose a Superbowl game.


I figured that the obviousness (is that a word?) of the fakery would serve to indicate that this was indeed not a real tweet.  I'm still trying to figure out my plan:

1.  Fake tweet
2.  Post to Reddit
3.  ?????
4.  Profit!


Its like a super meta How I Met Your Mother


Anyone have a needle? *giggles*


Did you point out how damned good-looking the people in that picture were and how you wished you could look that good in the uniform and felt maybe a little intimidated now?

Because if not, missed opportunities....


yeah but France isn't funny in the way that Russia is.. so they get dubbed russian by default


All I can say is I am so glad I'm not you right now.


I can already imagine how you live.


Ahh.  The blue mountain state aproach


Or just kill the cat. You certainly have a .22 gun somewhere. The vet will euthanize it anyway, so do it for free instead of $500 or whatever the vet will decide to charge you.

bonus : you get to shoot a cat, it's fun.


Yeah but they were still marooned on an island


And it's at that moment that his actions are no longer self defense.

Edit: I'm not defending her, I'm just saying that what he does isn't self defense.


I awaken. I consume oxygen, then bacon, eggs and black coffee, then my wife, then bacon.

I love to paddle my own canoe, and also wife. Best while staring at the leaves of the maple or sycamore.


Man,I really wish I remembered the name of the moderator!Oh,this win would be sooooo sweet!!!


My parents think I'm a virgin.

They are correct :(


Interesting. When a girl shows me her v-zone, she's already shown all she can to me, and I don't really want to see anything else she wants to show me.

Edit: uptight people downvoting me, you should know that the OP also wanted to make this joke. The title clearly refers to the girlfriend's box, which means her luscious flower  in her sacred spot


Rolls of toilet paper that are perforated lengthwise instead of parallel to the roll.  One sheet would be 1/4 inch wide and 60 yards long


How about you mind your own fucking business and don't nitpick me for my comment history? Take my opening post as it is. And what does my asshole-ness even have to do with my post?


Stop when things start peeling or bleeding though.


calm down faggot. nobody is working so much that they can't spend an hour with their kids daily


> that fucking bitch

aww, true love


FAGGOTS ARE A DISEASE OF THIS EARTH AND MUST BE PURGED


Made me spit my tea out, asshole.


Between your sass here and assertions that the SPLC isn't an authority on anything elsewhere in the thread, you've managed to break all 3 rules in the sidebar. Additionally, you don't seem to care for the concept of a safe space in general, so I see no reason your posting privilages here should be sustained. Good bye.


Agreed, his last crowning achievement was about 16 years ago.

edit: Thank you for the gold anonymous redditor.


Atheists are not "dramatically underrepresented" in the *incoming* prison population.  They often reform while in prison.


The pun would work better if this wasn't a text-based interview, now wouldn't it?


lol but still... why?


The guy on the right is Reddit's own /u/Ben10MMA


Downvoted for being a nazi-nazi (one who is a nazi about others being nazi).


Australian ponies have to be <56 inches.

We're a country that strives to have cuter ponies than the rest of the world.


KARMA SUICIDE!  DO ME, TOO!


He didn't even use a period, he must have hated those hiking boots.


downvote this if you think that killing babies is allright

**challenge** done


Another interesting thing about The Office is that some actors were in the annex because they were actually also producers in the show and couldn't be in every scene in the background, so they put them in a place where most of the time they couldn't be seen.


Someones been playing the fagot a lil too much it seems...

Edit: Wow, my downvote count actually turned into a '*retard meter*'. Lets see how many more fucking retards there are.

Some people shouldnt be given a mouse if their IQ is below room temperature.


That was both fun and a fact. 9/10 would read again.


Just because it is a joke doesnt mean it is funny. Example, rape jokes, never funny. The only way you would think this was funny is if you are an immature misogynist. If you go to 4chan or whatever amateur porn site, you gotta remember those *are* real people who probably don't want you seeing their photos.. It's sad that this is what reddit has become.


Instructions unclear, she's pregnant in two places now.

Mandatory gold edit: thank you, random peep!


she went from a vile feminist to a moderate one


honestly the most English part of this joke is that the Welsh were completely ignored


Legitimately don't care. Maybe when this eat beast makes it to a human weight I will, until then just another lazy sack of waste smelling up my world and costing the taxpayers money.

I simply cannot fathom how lazy and stupid you have to be to get that  fat in the first place.


you've been waiting an awfully long time with this very specific username...


Actually, you can find pictures [here](http://youtu.be/6_b7RDuLwcI)


That's so simple it's brilliant; it reminds me of the one from Kiss Kiss Bang Bang:

Perry: Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?

Harry: A picture of me?

Perry: No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!


DADDY PWEASE NO TOUCH MY VAGINIA NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I PWOMISE I BE GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LE GAH GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


>We are putting a lot of effort into design esthetics, not just utility

im glad we have top men ensuring the future is sexy


Is it tragic for a 30 year old man to lose their mother?

Edit: Obviously for him it is. To describe it in the same way as a 16 year old losing his mother though?


What I don't understand is what is the point? It's not like Marylyn Monroe is some mythical figure. We have pictures of her. We can all see she isn't fat.


Uh, I think OP was joking, meatbrain. He means if you mess with the mafia in real life they will break your legs or kill you. You probably just either dont know how to play videogames, or are karmawhoring and nobody else gets the joke? ಠ_ಠ Thanks for the laugh before bed.


Alive at the same time; one mimed and the other rhymed.

Edit: Wow, Reddit Gold! Thank you kind stranger. May karma pay you back a hundredfold.


Why the fuck would I care about looking cool on the shithole that is reddit? And why are you pretending like there's not this insanely common misconception that flies around ignorant dipshits who think women's vaginas can get "stretched out" by use?


Your coworker's going places. Namely circles.


You sure because you're kinda freaking out rn


I don't have a wife, but I yelled at my dog earlier and he got pretty scared. I had a bad day. I'm going to go apologize, give him a treat and curl up with some Netflix.
EDIT: Thanks for the gold fellow dog lover. I actually did apologize to him, give him a treat and watch Netflix. He enjoys It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia!


It shows how backwards and brainwashed some people are.

He's the first person to set foot on a non-earth surface and the first thing he does is that?

That's disgusting.


Nothing lucky about it.  Dude is a nice guy, people appreciate it.


You see, I can do this thing called "imagining." I can set up a hypothetical situation in my mind and then figure out how I would feel if it was true.

You should try it some time.


Classic sim. She's practicing to up her charisma point.


I did it for his/her grandmothers birthday. It only had one other reply so it wasn't a popular post.


Gilded comment goes here.


Who really cares? She definitely did.


I don't know where all the time goes. I'm just perpetually tired now.


welcome to reddit: where everything's a repost and the karma doesn't matter


"Don't ask me how it got the gun, just run!"


Yes exactly! It is so sensitive after having a orgasm it does hurt. Maybe if you didn't act like a selfish douche you would still have a gf. God I hate these immature whiny little boy texts. When you are older maybe you will understand women.


Rock: "Ok, Contestant #1, you've gotten a whiff of this dish. Now comes the most important part. Do you..."

Studio Audience: "...smell what the Rock is cooking!"

Contestant #1: "Ok, let's see...It smells like--"

Rock: "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT IT SMELLS LIKE"


people upvoting this shit? seriously, human beings with family and friends died. these were dumb kids who wanted a gang to be a part of. they didnt deserve death... they deserved education.


Sorry Double D my mom caught me playing with the belly button jar so she took away my stairs.


It's truly sad, to die a virgin, like most of reddit.


You're clearly not British. This is our equivalent of a furious rant.


We don't need these genetic disasters fucking up our gene pool. Heres to hoping that natural selection takes its course.


Wow, you're average-sized,  are you an accountant?
*sigh*


return your mancard. now.


I had this rare moment for the first time last year in my first year of university. We were sitting in the botanical gardens in the middle of the night hitting bongs and I looked around and we were all laughing, just sharing genuine happiness. It was the first time I just felt comfortable with the people around me. It was beautiful and I definitely considered one of the best moments in my life.


Our dead are martyrs and go to Paradise. Your dead are kuffar and end up in Hellfire.


Well, Spider-Man 3 was obviously worth it.


I had no intention...


"Can we turn off this R&B music? I kind of want to hear you breathing."

"Ok..."

"Do you wanna take off your pajama bottoms?"

"No, actually I'd feel more comfortable if I just pulled my penis through the hole."


Written much better...than what?


They would of gotten away with it if it wasn't for the meddling kids


Nope

Edit: So much lost karma!


If you want to be stealthy you can just plop it in the water.


No, it's not. Do me now!


Haha everyone's had a posh wank at some point


I can't believe how lazy he is. He claims that he just works that way, but there's no excuse for promising a book in a year, then not publishing it for five. Also, he's old. He's gotta get to it. He may not outlive the books.


Yeah.  99.99% of Americans think they're creepy, too.


pro tip, search before you post something that has been confirmed as fake.


They knew, man. You think your mum hasn't ever caught some yoghurt? And your dads a dad, dude.

That's nasty. You nasty.


Hebrew slavery was not anything like racial slavery as practiced in the new world. Slaves were allowed to go free after a set number of years, and were considered a part of the family, plus had a number of rights that were expected to be respected.


Hands on hips is the universal sign for "well fuck me".


Lemme teach about a thing called "respect".


Yes, and vanilla-colored.


That's...disgusting.  I hope you are at least 40, otherwise I feel sorry for all the young men you surprised with that unfortunate growth.

Then again, what straight female wears a bush?  Maybe you are straight, just ugly.  Ugly women tend to have a bush more often than attractive women.


He learned the hard way that adults don't want the truth, they want good liers.

Edit: it is when I make a shitty comment that I get lots of karma, the world is definitely unfair!


Well, yes, but also they are designed so that the 'bonding hormone' oxytocin is released in our heads so we chemically can't avoid liking them


Fuck. I read your comment wrong the first time and for a moment thought wasps the size of dinner plates were a thing.

EDIT: Please stop sending me pictures of big-ass wasps, I can't handle this.


Same thing moron. Wow i said something clever give me karma please!


That woman was awesome. It was really nice of her to not only recognize that her date was a dick, but to actually come back and do something to rectify the situation. A lot of people would feel bad, but not actually return and try to set things right.


Yeah, I so fucked that up.  Shame is me.  I prefer back when I would use FTP and notepad to update my site from Dell.  That was better than this crap reddit setup.


You should have tipped the lady.


Shitty autocorrect is shitty.


One time Chris Brown tweeted something like "No more planking for me, unless its on a sexy lady!" And a fox newscaster retweeted saying "You spelled punching wrong." Then the news caster had to apologize on TV and he made it really sarcastic and it was hilarious


Nah bruh my eyesight needs to be 20/20 to spot dem bitches and potential hoes


**I decided my best bet would be to run inside and play video games.**

Holy cow, I haven't laughed so hard for so long.


hey hey hey, smartass, way to contribute to the conversation!


He never learned spanish.
___

*EDIT: I can't believe one of you fuckers gave me gold for this comment. Thanks to whomever it was... and I'll see you in hell.*


Karma is just meaningless points, take them all. I don't care.


He'd just go on the roof and shove his hand through the ceiling.


Shit actor, real actors would be able to hold a straight face. That's why they're getting paid the big bucks. Nothing good has come out of SNL since the 80's.


He is saying that if you find his pot of gold, he will give you 3 wishes.


The longer the fan, the more important the relationship with pokemon. Never said YOU were a bigger/lesser fan.


'And then what happened?'


>, Sterling G Mace

You don't have to sign your comments.

Your username is right above them with your name in it.


They date on the web.


>you take MY safety so lightly...

Sound like a bitch home boy.


Oh yeah well one time I got through an entire lollipop without biting it


I also watched the video


This may be the real-life equivalent of a risky click of the day for OP


woooowww so now we're being racist? Little nerds are thinking racism is funny and that there safe here in the puberty subreddit. Disgusting. You people have no class and are racists

*edit: welp looks like i was dv'd for speaking up against racism. You people are scum and I hope this all comes back on you*

**Edit: everyone please report this so it will get taken down**


there's no time to be bored. i'm so busy doing the horse dance...


And then, they realize what game they asked about and stop giving a shit.


I saw my teacher at the grocery store once, she bought food and stuff. It was weird.


Hahah that's funny.

No!

Haha.


I don't think you understand what I am saying.

NEVER, I repeat, NEVER did I say that racism and discrimination based on weight or religion (or lack thereof) were EXACTLY the same. I said there is common ground. And there are similar experiences.

You claiming that white people just can't "understand" seems pretty racist to me.


As a person with celiac it is HELL and I would never want to wish it on anyone.  I hate it when my hands break out in blisters or the fact that if I ignore it I will probably get cancer.  But I sure love that I can get gluten free food that isn't just garbage now.  Thanks hipsters you have made it mainstream enough to be profitable.  Now I dont have to eat 8 dollar bricks of rice "bread."


although i agree with you, it still doesnt make it ok for white people to use any derivative of the N word.


They also own Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream which promotes highly unsexualised bellies.


Its more so a maturity level, I must admitted I've blown smoke to her face which she is ok with, but only once in a blue moon. When ahe has finally hit puberty and she maintains good grades, and is responsible with her chores and what not... can be as early as 16.


I GODDAM ASKED YOU IF YOU WANTED SOME FRIES AND YOU SAID NO SO FUCK NO KEEP YOUR GODDAM MITTS OFF MY FUCKING FRIES!!!


I asked my question, he answered it and I was tossing out something for him to think about.


She wouldn't last 10 minutes nowadays, she'd just dart for the dairy aisle to try to find some Activia to eat.

EDIT: I'd like to dedicate this reddit gold I've received from a kind stranger to Jamie Lee Curtis's bowels.


LOLOL SO FUNY U GET DA UPVOTE FROM ME !!!! LOLOL WEDIT IS FUL OF FANY  PEPLE!!!


Well at least I won't be hungry.


Thirty something, that's all I need. :)


"why does he have 30 bookmarks of a crying panda bear?"


Yo man I don't mean to be rude but your wife looks like a dude. You sure she's not male? I mean I don't care either way but I just want you to be sure you know.


Snoring is a sign that she is guzzling other dudes cum.


He was only funny because he was a fat crack/heroin addict.   You think you would laugh at a sober skinny guy doing the "VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER" bit


Just like driving. Keeping them steady at 10 and 2.


I dont have a facebook page.How about you just downvote my comment and move on instead of trying to be some crusader of justice, faggot


Sorry,  we were looking for porn. The answer is porn.

Edit...  Gold really?  Talk about /r/circlejerk


The karma-rape train has no brakes!


Well you could build unlimited [boner-hiding apparatuses](http://i.imgur.com/zJKrQW5.png).


"I'm being played."


Hell, talking to children like they're children. I didn't like it as a kid and I didn't do it with my own. They turned out OK.


It's a pretty rad ability.


You don't have to wait it out. A man can get rid of an erection by flexing a large muscle for about 30 seconds or more, like both thighs. If you're sitting, rest your feet on your toes and push off the ground as if you're just about to stand up.


I hope so! Something like this shouldn't just be thrown away I don't think. I really hope he finds it


"Never mind guys, I fixed the problem"


Ugh yeah sometimes, But they have a sale from time to time like BOGO or buy 4 for 3 type stuff. NBD I don't think it's there anymore. We need a fucking HOT TOPIC


Was this about 4 years ago? If so, it's possible I watched you the entire time.


Uh...you MUST be a 13 year old if you think THIS counts as a sense of humor.


8% of people read this as "8% of people pronounce wiffy as wiffy"


No. No they're not. Builds that can do things are much better. There is nothing awesome about a 10 year old processor.


Apparently I already have reddit shit then.


tell u what?  that your GAY???, XDXDXD LOLLLLLLL TROLLED U


    ┌──═╧═──┐
    │ Bang. │
    └──═╤═──┘

    ┌───────────────────═╧═────────────────────┐
    │ Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang. │
    └───────────────────═╤═────────────────────┘


Like I give a shit.You post sth from your reddit life and then someone thinks you are lying,and then I have to give a shit and all.Man you are taking this whole karma thing way too serious...


I double clicked your upvote arrow.


Great repost bro!
Edit: Downvote me all you want, OP is still making a repost.


Stop mocking me, please.


As shitty as that is, who the fuck are you violating this guys freedom of "speech" I wish it was a .gif of you being beat with a shovel. Here is an idea don't click on his link and here is an equally offensive .gif of Mohammed.

EDIT:-53 yikes I'd delete this comment but then the censorship clowns win but fuck that I will stand by my views and anti censorship is one of them!!


and if anyone asks to turn it down, you ask "for what?"


Wikipedia worse research reference possible.   Could it be possible that people want to continue a lie?


Your brother's kind of a dick. If I found a vid of one of my sisters online, I'd let THEM know and let THEM handle it, not immediately go I'M TELLING MOM AND DAD WAAAAAAAAH. Especially since my sisters are adults who can make their own goddamn life decisions.

Seriously. Your brother's a douche.


Ya I really hope he didn't have in mind for women to be publicly slut shamed for choosing to have an abortion.


You're a glass half empty kind of guy, ain'tchya.


are you a nigger faggot?

Edit: Whoever thumbs me down is a fucking cunt and a nigger faggot!!!


That's a long erection


So furious that you logged onto the computer to make a meme. That will teach him!


My co-worker did this...

1. Tape over the laser

2. Turns out, mouse was unplugged, too

3. Also, image on screen was a screen-shot of the background of the computer, so even when the mouse was "fixed", it still didn't move


Yes. Thanks for the educated guesses and speculation, MetsFan!

Edit: http://www.reddit.com/r/SquaredCircle/comments/2ssbyk/gabe_sapolsky_responds_to_metsfans_report_about/cnslwzt


I bet he's got a hell of a career doing nothing.


http://imgur.com/fMbDq

Another quick picture.


Shaving Private Raya.


Sounds good, do you want to dress like the girl, or should I?


The bro was strong with that dog...


If you elect Democrats, you get this kind of fucking insane police state bullshit.

Stop voting for Democrats.


I gotcha bro

/r/wheredidthesodago


You sir, win. You win everything.


"I want you to bring the cow into the kitchen and just let it stare at the oven for a few minutes and THEN serve me the steak from that cow."


It's the symbol for division.
Edit: most downvoted comment ever, even between my other account that I forgot the password to.

Edit #2: I'm honored, whoever the hell you are that gilded me.  I'd like to thank the downvote brigade that made this possible and my grandfather, who made me too stubborn to delete poorly received comments like this.


i always figured everyone knew i fucked goats.  *shrug*


No shit it's an ice sculpture. I thought it was cool, that was my reason for sharing


/u/TheAustr0naut said "**There are few swords that cut so deep as the blade of unrequited love.**"

/u/tbmcrowley replied "**Yeah. It sucks.**"

&nbsp;

And *that* is the difference between poetry and prose.


What a fucking moron


No, I gilded him.

^^^^^Plot ^^^^^twist: ^^^^^I'm ^^^^^him.


I personally enjoy the BLB meme a lot more than the RPG one, but being a funny meme isn't exactly a qualification for IAmA. It's about what people have *done*, not about what other people have done using a photo of them.


bits of real bear, so you know it's good


Incoming circlejerk, brace yourselves.


I think your parents may be secretly buying new Goldys...


I'm probably going to get down voted to hell for saying this, but I"m actually one of the few people I know who loved Breaking Bad!


For your inconvenience, here is a broken link:  [http://i.imgur.com/SjXmf.jpg](http://i.imgur.com/SjXdamf.pdf)


Thumbs up if you knew this would be the top comment.


that man died of kidney failure 13 days later.


i'm sorry but if you go to a home game and cheer for the opposition cause they're on your fantasy squad you're a shithead

edit: lol


drinking the blood of a horseshoe crab will keep you alive even if you are an inch from death. But you will lead a half life, a cursed life.


Not really. I'd guessed the twist by the second panel. If anything, I'd say it was too obvious.


Most accurate part of the Sims.  I can have a refrigerator, a bed, a TV, a shower, and a toilet all in the same room and no single guy has an issue with it but as soon as there's a woman in the room he starts complaining.  Then they all drown in the pool.


Well this comment contributes a lot....

Edit: Wow loving these downvotes, stay classy guys.

Actually, can someone please explain to me why I am actually getting downvotes?


Wrestle sweaty dudes and punch people in the face! But no seriously I don't do any weights. Just train my butt off.


Hey, it is what it is. Don't criticize if you can't take it back, right?
Not saying i'm right, i'm just saying, why be THAT guy when everyone else is just having a good time? It's all good, though. No harm done.

edit:
Apparently, apologizing on the internet still means you get down-voted.


Put a piece of cardboard on your windshield. In the morning the cardboard will be soaked and frozen to your windshield and you'll have to miss work to scrape it off. Hopefully, your neighbors will see what a colossal dumbass you are.


It's less 5 dollars for him, in fact, that's amusing to me.


You can also be perfect for each other and meet at the wrong time in life.... and it just won't work. You have to be the right type for each other and just get lucky enough to meet at the exact right time (when neither of you are in other relationships) and are mentally ready to start a relationship.


Would you like a Kleenex to go with your feelings?


This is an uncomfortable combination of adorable and sad.

*Edit: I don't think being redneck is sad; I feel bad that the little girl was upset by the jokes. Not because I thought she should be ashamed.*


I like to finger my butthole when I masturbate.


I was in line at Radio Shack once and the cashier had the same thing going on. To my stunned amazement, the guy in front of me said "damn girl how you wipe yo ass?" She, too, was speechless and just walked away and a different employee rang up the customers.


Your 'brilliant idea' remind me of a brainless bee trying to get something done. Thought bubble? Swarm, sting, and die. Nothing will happen. Not unlike the lifeline of a homosexual with aids. Swarm. Sting. Die.

These are the big leagues. You cant sue your way to success.
To this indie developer: You snooze you lose.


Yeah, that's the Zimbab way.


Not really even an "unnatural" disaster.  Oil comes from the earth, water comes from the earth.  Its inevitable that they will find each other.


Wait until the day you meet a trailer hitch walking full speed.


That's weird, I don't recall her asking for CC, let alone a novel of harsh criticism...


Police were in on it.  They probably gave 50 euros to the conductor for giving them a call.

**edit** Everyone is calling me a detective because I solved the case.

**edit2**  goddammit, Reddit.

**edit3**  ಠ_ಠ

**edit4** I'm going to subscribe all of you to cat facts.


Post downvoted to oblivion goes here.


you guys sound like you were made for each other


So you are telling me that when you get a post on reddit deleted by a mod,you are so proud of it that you screenshot it?Yeah,ok...I am just lying I guess.


Two scientists walk into a bar.

The first one says "I'll have some H2O." The second one says "I'll have some H2O too."

The bartender gives them both water as serving hydrogen peroxide at a bar would be both illogical and dangerous.


Please read my OP. This is not about the karma.


2 noble gases walk into a bar

Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."

There is no reaction.


do you think that your nephew will grow up to be a [twink](http://ablackgay.com/black_gay_porn_blog/wp-content/plugins/wp-o-matic/cache/78622_twink-gets-drunk-with-friend3.jpg), or a [bear](http://www.pridewest.co.uk/images/pictures/gay_bears.jpg)?


you're from paris, of course your'e an arsehole.


You left out the part where he named his daughter "North" and how he thinks all musicians other than himself, beyonce, and jay z suck and have no talent.


Yes this is dog. I am suing you for 4 pigs ears and a denta stick.


I guess that's better than throwing up in someone ELSE'S mouth :P


That is so sweet that it makes me bitter.


I used to take a long time to make out that picture for some reason, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


It's more of a luxury than a necessity.


And who defines what is right? A mortal like you, or God? My vote is still with God.

EDIT: Hey guys, this was a publicity stunt for [/r/UnitedTrolls](/r/UnitedTrolls). Thanks for your participation. Hope that lessens the butt hurt a bit. (-:


His mom or grandma after picking him up when the school called because he wouldn't stop crying.

His grandma posted it to facebook.

Edit: it was his mom that took it.


As far as I know, all of this would have to be done with CSS unless the admins changed things around, and the mods are the only ones who can change the subreddit's CSS.


It's very difficult to get an accurate count of how many sheep actually get fucked in Wales each year. Any time someone tries to count, they get drowsy and fall asleep. Until the true number is known, this silence of the lambs will continue.


Deep sea creatures are further proof that humanity had no creator- no way in hell something like that was 'designed'.


That's what she says every morning.


You say that just because I've been a fan longer doesn't mean I'm a bigger fan. This may be true, however, I've grown up with these guys, and plan to give my own children the same experience. It's not just a game to us, it's something that brings people together and helps make memories.


I'm sorry to tell you this, but Shit Breath is your Mandarin name.

"I'm sorry I brought Shit Breath to dinner again."

"Shit Breath dishonors our family."

"Destroy Shit Breath."


On reddit mods are the kings of their subreddit kingdoms.


No, it's aliens. Shut up.


hi im trying 2 get some more karma can you please upvote me thanks

wtf y downvote me i said thanks you fucking idiot

stop plz

stop please...im serious

fuck u noobs


For perhaps the first documented time in history, this women went black and went back.


You spelled "sauce" wrong.

It's okay, I'm ready for the downvote onslaught. Bring it. Bitches.


"average person eats 3 spiders a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

Edit: whoa thanks for the gold!


I am karma indifferent, but very sensitive to douchebaggery.


Person A and B shake hands at a business meeting.

Person A: Ding! You have unlocked [Jizz Hands!]

Person B: Ding! You have unlocked [And Your Enemies Closer]


I had nothing to do with my submission making it to the frontpage.


Haha I saw that pic and had a laugh with a few friends in a lecture. I'm glad that I found out you're a redditor

Edit: Holy shit, so many people.


How is being a free women and having control over your body disgusting ? Take your fascist women hating ideas elsewhere.


*tips mobility scooter*


>le No point arguing with a feminist.

>le They are too stupid to le comprehend logic.

>le Everything is always le man's fault, because he has the penis she so desperately le wishes she had.

FTFY :P


> We're bff now and its even more terrifying than when he ignored me.

Well yeah, cause now he *has* to kill you if you fuck up.


Wow what a wonderful way to spur conversation and knowledge. Yelling at visitors to this subreddit, and treating people like inferiors. And people wonder why religious folks avoid the arrogance of science. Also, not to be a dick, but a fact is just not empirical support.  You need a theory or story  behind your empirical support. Just FYI to folks who like to treat less educated folks like shit.


I'm actually the girl lmao. Thanks for the compliment!


What a fat fucking tool. This guy passed on ny chance he would ever get laid. That's y u nerd fags have no friends. U suck and are obsessed ith fat fucks like this tool. Maybe u would make friends if u didn't live ate home n weren't a fat gamer.


That fact didn't seem so fun.


Most implies a large number, not a small quantity. English is not my first or even second language, but I know using "most" is inappropriate when it's less than gods damned five.

Edit: 1. a great majority of; nearly all

2. the superlative of many, much


You.... are not telling the truth. Please tell me this is a joke.


Why's he feeling up her ass?


*Band kids.*

I've been informed by roughly eight people that it's *orchestra* not *band*. None of you seem aware of each other. Also, nobody cares.


Aw, it's ok butthurt r/atheism subscriber.

Edit: Yep, really butthurt.


She's right behind you, isn't she?


If you've never watched his stream why comment you fucking retarded-bully-wannabe?

The guy might be a jerk but shitheads like you are even worse.

Anyone who downvotes this can suck my dick. You're retarded and should get a certificate.


You've never looked in a mirror? ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)


Stop being a fucking little pussy bitch.


TELL US HOW YOU FUCKING FIXED IT OMFG

Cheers for the gold yo


You're kind of an asshole. I can't believe the hivemind is upvoting you.


He loves to suck on us both.


You think the hottest thing ever is a homosexual sex act??


i think i laughed really hard when i read the meowshwitz joke, but i am sucker for holocaust jokes


**Hipster photograph:* *Puts fotobomb in photograph before it was cool.*


"If Americans come from Europe then why we still got Europe?"


Uh no. Girls can make money from sex but it just makes them sleazy.


If a woman shits in the woods and a homeless man isn't around to masturbate to it, did she really shit?


And I was just five karma short of nirvana. Ah well, start again.


"He's down... suspect is down... did everyone get to shoot?"

"I didn't, sir."

"Well step up here, Brodey, **POP** that-a boy, anyone else?"

Edit: obligatory thanks for the gold.


"she is nice" is not considered a compliment by us girls.


https://i.imgflip.com/gk374.jpg   *dank memes*


She was involved in a car accident with a drunk driver. It's been a rough year but I know that she's in a better place.


Oh, get a girlfriend? Just get a girlfriend? Why don't I strap on my girlfriend helmet, squeeze down into a girlfriend cannon and fire off into Girlfriend Land, where girlfriends grow on girlies!!!


Gee I don't know. Try reading the post you linked to and you'll know why.


I like stories like this where everyone gets a good laugh out of it all. Much better than pretty much all of the other stories in this thread.


All you need to know is you don't fuck with freedom you communist bastard, or this is what you get.


Tranq everyone and drag them into lockers


Goo GAH MAMA DADY NO touch VAginea!!!!!!!!!!!!! But then I took an arrow to da knee!


this is an incredibly thoughtful answer


haha no shes not hhahaha but lol


I saw it on an airplane. People still walked out.
EDIT: Best monday ever. Great way to start the year, thank you mysterious stranger!


You must be so lonely.

You stupid bitch.


The TSA shouldn't even exist.

Edit:  Thanks for the gold!  I didn't expect my short, cynical comment to garner much of a response.  Glad it spurred some conversation!


Sigh. The rest of the world just laughs at your warped perceptions. If you honestly can't fathom a reason why guns could be perceived as bad then the fact that someone like you can possess one is reason enough.


one would assume they use their bathroom boomerangs.


You'll be disappointed when you get barely more than enough upvotes to cover your downvotes.


dont worry about it 2 meters is hardly bigger than a womp rat no one could hit that


Read the sidebar and look at rule 10.


What?! What kind of coupon, rather than saying FREE, says the store will give you money to take?


Then you fail to understand the breadth of philosophy. Part of it would be recognition of the fact that some people are much smarter than others.


You listen here meow.


will*

You fucking retard.


Pizza customers are like the exact opposite of retail customers.


The point was to show people how easily they are fooled on this website. I had no ulterior motives here, but others do. Reddit has been gamed already, by those who just want internet fame, and those who want money.


correct. and you see my point.


This is the thing... it's not that funny at all. The humour is forced and the rest is just stupid facial expressions.


I don't know ice cream.


Both of those subs are creepy


that would be fucking insane and also insanely dangerous


this guy should be in prison then. there shouldnt be an exception to the law just because he's white and rich.


Remember: Reddit is free.


> Based on what?

Being one of the smartest people in history means that in a thread with a few dozen or hundred people, it's very unlikely that any of them are as smart as you.


This is so fucking 1999 it's ridiculous.


*David Attenborough voice:* early internet users communicated with a primitive language known as leet speak. Here, let us listen...


That may not be the story Reddit wanted but it's the story Reddit needed.


no, I'm very proud of my beard. Brb. Chopping down a Redwood on my own.


Fuck the sack of grain, kill the chicken, marry the fox.


Doesn't have anything to do with the subreddit.


TIL SAS means "Surprise Anal Sex".


it's unofficially official

-an official


"I've never been good at answering loaded questions," worked at my last interview.


Wow, what a novel concept. Accepting gays? Incredible beacon of morality!


Bakers gonna bake, man


According to my friend he wore new sandals and woke up with it the next day.  The doc gave him antibiotics and told him to stay off his feet.  Kinda scary how random it was.


We get to make fun of you but you won't know it for hours.


Yeah, we even understand having a better economy too. And hotter women.


> To look like some kind of creepy, Nosferatu-like monster? (as a guy, I've always kinda wanted to get them, then walk around with dinosaur hands all day).

\- Vergils_Lost

http://i.imgur.com/x9sj5Rf.gifv


well if your past it why would you go back?


It was covering the secret passageway.


Hands up if you thought about masturbating to this gif!

Ninja edit: **Hand** up!

Chuck Norris edit: Downvotes? Seriously? Come on guys.

Fox News edit: Seriously? Downvotes?

Serious edit: How can I stop these downvotes? Is there a button I can press?


As someone who has internet access, I'm baffled by the ideas of A.) Paying money to see titties B.) Leaving the house to see titties and C.) Seeing titties *with your friends*.


so glad those faggot Americans died. For once you fuckers had to learn what it feels like for your people to be murdered unjustly.


It's like porn all over again. "Teen" my ass. This 35 year old broad has ponytails and bright coloured clothes. That doesn't equal *teen* dammit.


He literally has a fucking terrible attitude about the WHOLE thing. Smash? He's got a good attitude there. Betting $1000 TWICE when you have a BABY and literally no future outside of gaming? Bad decision.


That's fucking legit.

EDIT: I don't even. I've had a lot of weird things get upvoted and downvoted. I've been given reddit gold for comments with under 15 points. But my highest rated comment which nearly doubles my previous record... It contributes absolutely nothing.

Reddit is silly.


Wow. Look at that. Unidan is such a laid back guy. I think i've completely changed my opinion about him. /s


> I was level 70, I quit at level 70, before the expansion pack.

Yeah, the parenthood expansion pack really ruins the game, IMO.


That probably means I'm right.


> Eventually, everyone got tired of getting recklessly blackout drunk.

Yeah, that's called growing up.


Yes, this is pretty intellectual.. makes us modern day redditors look pretty juvenile...


Wouldn't have been easier to just put on pants?

Edit: Wow! My first Gold! Thanks so much!


i was this kids age, *you little shit*

^edit: *^take ^those ^downvotes ^and ^ram ^them ^up ^your ^ass, ^my ^throwaway ^account ^wants ^to ^watch*


Because, seven eight nine lol

Edit: Everyone please stop telling me seven is a "six-offender" haha.


I fapped to this comment.


I have a big pretzel tub of dryer lint. However I use it as firestarter with a slam rod for backpacking. It's light and very flammable.


.ereht thgir tnemom gnittihs stnaP


Chief Extortion Officer

Edit: Wow, Reddit gold? Thanks!


*sometimes the good dog dies for the good men (rofl @ reddits grammar level)


They ride each other's horse.


^ [Relevant username] ^


That's terrible. I had known he was out as gay but didn't realize he was having a hard time during Power Rangers.


raping little kids is bad.


You can also tell that the only reason they got Kate Upton for their commercials is for her boobs.


**Downvoting** simply for using **six** panels instead of **four** (-:

This shouldnt be on /r/f7u12 as it is not a ragecomic (-:

Additionally, there is nothing wrong with parking at the closest petrol tank as someone might come in from the other side. *logic motherfuckers, do you use it?* (-:


Bender: I'm so depressed... I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream...

Fry: Spoon's in the footpowder!!

Edit: gold on my birthday?? I've never been so happy!!

Edit edit: birthday ok i get it i wont use reddit terminology in a different way again


this is about as official as it gets m8


"James Ferrel tweeted in 2009 that "[He] wuld sooooo tap dat a$$". Can we trust him to not tap into our resources for his own gain? Paid for by Gregory Jameson for President."


Top comment with 1 reply? Let me fix that for you.


I like my women like I like my oval offices

No sign of Dick.


I often post about Obama's huge spending and deficit issues but get downvoted everytime.  It seems like the average redditor has his eyes closed and ears plugged.


All I can picture is Abe in the ring finishing off an opponent with a massive cock slap.


lets just say, i know some people who know me who know the kinds of things i do, and my school knows me and some things about people who do what they know me to do and stuff.


In their defense, you'd been married and divorced by age 21. They probably felt decision making had not been your strength.


That extra 10 pounds lefty there is wearing is not appropriate.


I like to randomly say "Hey, that rhymes!" when other people are talking. Completely destroys their train of thought.


Going through the comments on this thread: http://i.imgur.com/K9Dbe.gif


For fucks sake. Their passports should be revoked.


Big Sister and Little Sister? My thoughts exactly!

I too am skeptical, I assure you. However, my friend isn't known to bullshit when it comes to stuff like that. Either way, I saw the photo, spine tingling ensued and I thought "This is pretty WTF worthy."


>You can't really see it unless you point it out

I have the same problem OP. Don't worry, it's the motion in the ocean not the size of the ship


Honestly that's the only game I've ever seen a girl sorta good at. I let an old friend best me in SSBM one time. Then I totally shat all over her after she got cocky


Did you teach him how?

EDIT: Gold? FUCK YOU! Just kidding :)


We know it's written at the bottom of the comic that's why it wasn't sourced


You should see how much people in Colorado love Colorado.

Even the paving stones are shaped like their state.


Haha, owned in the balls! xD


US: "Our government overthrew countries and spread lies of wars."

UK and Europe: "Assassinations and shit."

China: "Arresting opposing party leaders to get up the ladder."

Israel: "We covered up the extend of our war, and made a huge amount of dealings to be relevant."

Africa and S. America: "Our governments are corrupt as fuck."

Canada: "Our syrup is fake."


Oh come now, you wouldn't want me to spoil all the fun, would you?

Let's just say that it was definitely on the cheap side for a 1 bedroom apartment downtown.  And now it's not.


I guess he just didn't give a fuck.


> I, however, having worked for Borders in a similar situation

What sort of skills does it take to check out books and CD's and how much do you think it should pay?

> Then, after brand loyalty, get fired or tired of living in their shit situation.

LOL. This whole post is hilarious. You felt loyal to a company that treated you like shit?  ITT: Angry low-skill workers.


Was the interviewer actually just your SO wearing a fake mustache?


And how often do you wear them? Pics or it didn't happen btw.


Kerbal Space Program!


obligatory *its a repost* comment. Even though it doesn't make sense.


I nearly choked when I saw your username


MY DADDDYY SAYD DAT YOU SHUD KILL DA KITTY CAWSE DA BAD MR KITTY GONA DIE ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMYYY I WANA PWAY WIT DA DEAD KITTY GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Thanks for the fish fellas, put it on my bill!"


You know, I don't really think about those things, once the opportunity passes, I really let go of it.


I didn't accidentally sign up for Cat Facts again, did I?


No he doesn't. If you are gonna talk shit at least make sure its correct.


Who is this message intended for?  Do you really think you're making a valid point to anyone?  Just throw it on the circlejerk pile, guys.


You know, at 14 years old, you don't really contemplate success and that aspect of work, you kinda do things because it's fun to do. We had an amazing crew and cast, and I had the best 8 years of my life on the show. It's not something you can force, it's either something that happens or doesn't. *Yeah!*


Congrats on the beard!


I love when I actually do take their shift, then the fucking once every six months I need a shift covered nobody can fucking do it. I've begun to deny people shift covers because I can never get one in return.


I've already proven it. I see it every time one of you morons says "U FAEKD CANCUR 4 KARMA!!11"

Any idiot would be able to tell that if I really wanted karma, I would have never fessed up. No, it takes a *special kind* of idiot to not even understand that.


Any appliance that beeps unnecessarily!! I have a baby thermometer that gives 3 shrill beeps when it's got a reading- right in your sleeping sick kid's face.


That's a really shitty policy, but it sounds like you were a pretty shitty employee.


That...doesn't seem like a very nice thing to say when you're trying to be genuine...

Seriously? You think the Capitol's sarcastic phrase about other teenagers not killing you or whatever dozen other ways there could be to die in that shit is a good thing to say to someone who could potentially be very I'll? Mmkay.


Not to brag about my own mathematical prowess, but I once split a dinner bill ten-ways (between myself and nine friends) without using my iPhone.


how has no one replied to your comment yet?


Good morning honey! **(  ͦ҈  )**

Edit: wow, I didn't wake up yesterday thinking that I would get gold for a text depiction of a thai girl's squeaky clean butthole. Thank you magical internet gifter!!


The answer was something like "Yeah,why don't you just ask an AMA from an alien?".I don't live in the US and my request was to be exact:"Barack FUCKING Obama".I knew he was cool enough to do it,the moderator didn't.


Public Toilet Broke

Do Women Shit in the Woods?

A Homeless Man Hopes


You think a cats life is more important than a human?


You might try something a little more like "oh god, I'm gonna cum!" Less business-like...


I doubt the Cubans are going to consume that media franchise crap they are much more cultured and educuated than the US


I was asked this the other day, interviewing for a marketing job, and thought to myself: *I have single-handedly generated over 2.5 million clicks on the internet and can't even tell this guy about it.*


Overrated*

Useless with his feet, static, average poacher on top of that.

I swear the Americans on here are retarded.


That's why I've watched every episode of survivorman 40 times.  So yeah...you could say I'm quite the couchdoorsman.


Next time try /r/gaming (-:

Additionally, it would have been a relevant post if people actually still played pacman (-:

I'm more of a modern gaming fan (halo, the sims, BF3), along with the rest of the world/Reddit (-; Upvote if you agree!

I have **politely** downvoted your post accordingly (-:


But... but.. the neutrinos... are MUTATING


No, he's just kharma whoring.


> a baby squirrel

I want to believe you did that for comedic effect, because that's a rabbit.


Why the hell would you not use all your screen real estate on a frigging laptop?  Did you seriously resize your browser just to show off some anime tits?


No paperwork, but you have to transcribe your observations.


You know how the menus show the Chinese name for the dish, then English? Well, the English part is not a literal translation. Let me show you how it really works:

'beef' = dog

'chicken' = cat

'pork' = you don't want to know

Edit: Wow, you people have no sense of humor.


I worked at subway in college and some days i was so sleepy i would do this:

1. Make sandwich.
2. Wrap sandwich.
3. Throw sandwich directly in garbage for no reason at all.


How does this comment not have more upvotes? You made my night, Good Sir.


Close talker are the most fucking annoying thing ever. You take a step back because they are awkwardly close and they just move like 2cm closer than they were before..


uhhh...not when it's asking about paedophilia?


And it's worth every penny


hey i know you i have saw your comment before hi buddy


Everyone with that amount of money who doesn't order fabulous extravagant shit like that is wasting it all


well, for starters, someone's got to clean up the mess afterward. then there's the hilarity of someone being too weak minded to cope with their own existence and taking the coward's way out. oh, and dead people shit themselves, so that's both cute and funny.

your attention whoring on the internet is also pretty silly.


Although it's unlikely I'd like to believe in a 5th century Forrest Gump who actually did this.


Maybe he took an arrow to the knee, so he can't!


TIL Reddit makes me question whether or not incest is normal...


Yeah, you're right.  I should be original like you.
Douchebag


"Hey honey when did we buy ten thousand dollars worth of ceiling tiles?"


no! come back! NooOoOOooOOoOoO!


My Amazon package actually arrived before this gif ended.


Reddit is (was) my haven from the rest of the internet.


Keeping a straight face in the onslaught of hilarity from all of our cast, except Jerry.


So women don't deserve the chance to go out to the bars like men do all the time without getting harassed? How dare they want to enjoy themselves and be safe at the same time!


Oh, Meg Griffin. Hands down.


Except it isn't really a double post, this video has been posted ten times per day for the past week.


"I know it's 2:25, but is there any chance you could come in at 2:30 for a double shift?"


I looked at all, the rape, murder, torture, and depravity in the world and thought, "there has to be a higher power."  Then I smiled.


You fucking liar, that's impossible.


haha I see what you did there.


I would watch that show.


maybe you shouldve checked up on your tenants before this shit got out of hand. i hope your next tenant gives you aids no offense.


The sock under her bed is evidence


u wot m8?

Tobacco smoke, or any smoke for that matter, just by itself is bad for you and a major risk for cancer.

Modern additives have made it worse but that's not to say it was okay before.


"The Story of the Jobs Report that Fell Slightly Below Forecasted Projections for the Third Quarter."


I used to know OP and all the kids at school called him flipper and his favorite food was sardines, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


So did you think the New England Patriots just flew over every week or what?


LOL UR BROTHER DIED AHAHAH


I've been a dazesoft fan for years. Just saying..


I see what you did there.

Actually, I'm just latching on to your comment for the karma.

edit: fuck.


> college

University of Phoenix?


>goddamn right gangnam style wiki

>earnin and burnin, makin bank bro, afford a mac

>you're right, IE is where the alpha bros go

>Hitler did nothing wrong

>shit was so cash.


Here is our fat cat Sassy assisting in this experiment. http://youtu.be/DIt4bR677Us

Edit: Thanks for the Reddit Gold, kind strangers!
Edit2: Someone mentioned including the OP's link which has a cat video as well. See below for additional cat lamp action!
http://youtu.be/kb3fTtUEmPY


HAHHAAHAH DYROOOOS

Edit: ....... Really


I guess then it turned into a Bagel?


What is wrong with you? Why do you get off seeing children crying?


On a related but slightly off-topic note, what do parents think they're going to achieve by moving their gay kid to a separate state?

"Your gay condition has been magically healed by the power of Arizona."


I heard they found tons of child porn in his house after he died of aids, the family covered it up pretty well.


There are a ton of girls in the STEM fields at my college.

Not many of them though.


I think my answers speak for themselves.  I am not willing to give out personal information as of this point.


Not even looking, but let me guess, the basketball scene?


Please don't lead him on, nobody here cares.


Hey, I hope you know that it is medically recommended that you get 7-8 hours of sleep **minimum**. If you don't, you won't become an^extremely^successful^billionaire


Good thing this isn't a profession!


ohio university marching band


**Highjacking** to say I'm being downvoted below by people who support **cheating culture** and want that fact about Arnold Schwarzenegger downplayed. Everybody upvote to show that people like **Arnold and Zoe are scum**.


I used to do this all the time. Till my parents had a sit down with me and told me that if I'm gonna masturbate don't take forever with the water on. They didn't believe me that I just sat in there. The water bill was sky high.


No it is'nt. Inferior minds will laugh at any thing I suppose.


I'd rather fight with 100 ducks the same size as a horse! Weird question though. Haha


What? I called Violentacrez a cunt. I was polite and helpful in my mod message to OAG. I never got a response from her.


What does Yoshi have to do with this?


For instance, MuggyFuzzball is a self-righteous hipster who has mistaken his moderate intelligence and counterculture impressionability for being an open minded intellectual. He is also a virgin.


Yes they do follow their parents, as it's known by everyone who tamed animals at least once in Minecraft.


But how would they divide the cost of the condom?


Uh, that's just because he's a pussy.


Life has a funny way of not being a porno


Thats great. You're refusing to fund a religious expedition and insulting the holy people by counter-asking for funds to fuel your pot-planned trip to hippy country.

Congratulations; you are the reason why our country is failing. I hope you burn in hell.


Gross!! Then they would get terrible movies on their spit!


You ended a friendship, over a smoke in your car? You need to chill man, have a cigarette


Oh you mean the Oral B/Anal B


I'm a female by the way and never really understood this grower vs shower bullshit. But nice try hoping on your novelty account to chime in.


The doctor asked me how many sex partners I've had.
So I started counting and fell asleep.


If Harley was a boy, would you be asking this question, or does it solely perpetuate the "women are the gatekeepers of sex and men can't control themselves" nonsense people keep spouting?


"I don't ask people stupid questions."


That bothered me so much at the first 5 minutes of the game, I thought it was buggy or something.


No this is Reddit.  Everyone is a victim here get used to it.


nah not really if i rub her first she lets me use the fuse box in her ass


I didn't knew until just now reading your comment


Shit, I'm only trying to keep this place quality.  If you're okay with submissions this fucked up then good luck to you and your sub.


I can't tell if you just blew my mind or not


Can you read?

Welcome to r/atheism, the web's largest atheist forum. All topics related to atheism, agnosticism and secular living are welcome here. Please read our FAQ.

I am being an ass because I am tired of people who can't read the fucking FAQ before bitching and showing the reset of the world how stupid they are.


"No but I'm getting a vasectomy tomorrow if that counts."


Why is it important she learn her mistake?  I mean, it's embarrassing for her but do you get offended when people mistake blind for deaf?


"repeat for 2 to 25 years" lol


Just cuz u don't like it doesn't mean other people dont. I mean I'm sure someone likes u and your awful. And also how do u think body builders who can't even scratch their back wipe?


"I'll dunk when it's worth three points."


by far the highest rated, lol, congrats!


I would have just sent him a live sample of the virus and told him to rub it in his eyes and mouth.


I used to be a High School girl, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


When I was still living with my dad I remarked that I was tired, he laughed and said to me, "son, I've been tired since I was 25."

Edit: My dad was not 25 when I was born, although you are all hilarious geniuses. Well done.


ER RERLER? NERC TER KNER... (SERCERSM)


For the sake of her husband please stop.


why would you be pissed off? i'd just consider myself lucky the girl didn't die on me after taking the pill...

edit: fuck off wannabe pharmas and docs.


You have to take it to the extreme.

Screenshot the desktop. Flip the picture upside down. Open it in full screen. Turn monitor upside down.


if admins start banning people for self posts with links to "banned" sites, someone needs to hunt them down, torture them and kill them

edit: fuck you downvoters, kill yourselves now


Kid is always talking to himself.


how do you people watch this garbage?


whats that saying? don't fall in love with a girl who likes horses, you'll always be number 3 for her, behind her horse and her dads money.


Maybe I'm wrong, but from what I've seen probably about 90% of the internet is just regurgitated content and re-regurgitated content.


I thought it was going to be a great love story...


MOMMY WAT ID DA APETOL SCIENCE HANHEWD POTOL DEVICE???????????? MY DADDY SAYD DAT DA FATTIE MAN IN DA PICTUER LOOK LIKE DA WEDDITORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Ok! I think I left it upstairs..."

"Johnny no!"

*fwoomph*


But that's rape if she thinks he's married and he really isn't. /s


Or trying to downplay a whole fucking barrel of crazy.


Since I'm the first reply to the top comment, that means I get karma, right?

[Edit.](http://i.imgur.com/JW6QH.gif) Also, you guys inspired my 2nd frontpage post of the week.


So I'm getting a squad of...

Thai fighters?


Rule 1. Concern trolling.

It's a common concern troll question to liken GSMs to paedophilia, and it's not an accurate analogy.

And fuck you, buddy.


But there are bears outside.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_articles#Discrimination_between_a_and_an

NOPE.

It bugs the hell out of me when people use an in front of a hard H sound, but I'll tolerate it.  His grammar is perfectly okay.


"On a scale of 1 to consuming the flesh of the leader of your nation, how angry do you feel right now?"

The temptation to ask questions like that is why I will never be a psychotherapist.


>I speak from experience.

ur so brave


He (she?) won't last long. Looks like he (she?) has been targeted with an AoE spell already.


what a shitty comment kid...go eat shit somewhere else


"Ok, that will be $3.99"

"No, you don't get it. I want hot chocolate with Oreos on top."


My first car was a used, cheap, discounted Fiat. It was the only car I could afford as a student in Paris.


We also invented America.

*We're terribly sorry*


Haha wow Sixth Sense reference!! Sick bro!!