She didn't want to spook him.

I've heard that Bill Murrays are a beautiful, if strange and elusive, beast.


nothing better to do?  books, learning for example.


I thought you were suppose to leave facials on overnight?


Is your downvote button broken?

Edit: apparently not


To be honest that guy's a moron. Are restaurants in your area really so scarce that he has to bring a hooker and his wife to the same place??


came here to say this


The Rock is interrupted by the sound of glass shattering in the distance. A momentary silence comes over the studio.

**BA DA BA DAA DAA BA**

Stone Cold Steve Austin soars over the crowd on a four wheeler with a case of Budweiser strapped to the back.

^^^^I ^^^^really ^^^^don't ^^^^know ^^^^where ^^^^to ^^^^go ^^^^from ^^^^here. ^^^^I'm ^^^^high ^^^^as ^^^^shit. ^^^^^Heeeelp.


cannonballs vs bullets ... jesus christ jsut because it falls from the sky doesnt make it the same >_>


In other words, OP is fat enough to bend space-time.


WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!?


This had nothing to do with apple. I got in touch with the government agencies that regulate such matter in the countries that I work with. It's funny, Apple can't sell their own product there unless they go through me.


Fuck you, that's why.


You can't go from suicidal friend story to incest, I can't handle such extreme changes


yeah sorry, but every industry does this. don't make hollywood out to be the bad guy here.


March 16, 19Never-uary - Shaq


H-hopefully not. He needs to defend w-what he worked hard on.


I think if you asked anyone in my neighborhood to talk about "that one neighbor," they'd talk about her.


And? If you care that much for a card you might want to get your priorities a bit straightened out and as for not liking the show who cares? Now the only problem I see is him trying to sell the cards since it seems like you are all acting like moncho dicks to someone's art.


Similarly....the incessant beeping from your car.  "Yes u know the fucking door is open....I'm cleaning the car and want the radio on....shut the fuck up!!!!"


It's a PR.  Form nazis can suck a dick.


The kids in your school were cool because they didn't make fun of him.


actually no, I paid for an /r/WTF that would give me actually WTF things. All I see is normal, boring bullshit permeated throughout the subreddit just like OP's post.


My wife, my, kids and Home depot.


ha have a downvote ;0p


I tried taking your advice and it didn't help at all. My phone locked up this morning. I've rebooted my computer 3 times but my phone is still locked up.


I think he was quoting him. In both case the statements are very believable and saying "wait really" seems like a shit attempt at continuing the conversation.

Edit: Also, if you can you should add this to the imgur post. It really adds to the convo and made it way more funny.


>...before we all had cell phones


no one cares about left backs. he is a nobody


Remember: Lock the door, get on the floor, everybody do the dinosaur.


Downvoted for self-YEAHing.


Morgan Freeman plays Basketball?


Lol upvote for you sir


It seems like my whole childhood was spent at auctions but until now it never occurred to me: the auctioneer is a *salesman*


A pretty big town actually.


"Incoooooomminnnnggggg!!"


I play really good, maybe carry the team 95% of the time in silver. Just that I just meet a smurf that ruins my win streek or my teammates are rubbish.


There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman".


The fuck are you doing grabbing another kid when you're not 100% sure its your kid?  Fucking weirdo.

Edit: Sorry, I wasn't aware of the wide acceptance of random child grabbing on here.  Carry on with your downvotes and what not.


when the women's bathroom is occupied, girls just go to the men's room in my school. i live in France tho, so that might have something to do with it


I don't think he does


When I learned the difference between a show-er and a grow-er, goodness me.


You're fulfilling your destiny of not being able to frame your thinking within the context of a thread on the internet, and trying desperately to over-personalize everything, which would suggest you're more upset and personally invested than I am, huh?


I just remembered what I was like at that age. He is 21 now and I am still not a grandad. I must be doing a few things right.


We didn't pressure anyone to remove it.  We don't care if people want to link to us.  For every 10,000 idiots who visit our page, there's at least a few decent people who don't have their heads up their asses when it comes to Israel and Jewish issues.


lol like when you get ID'd at the liquor store and you hand them your Library card/Costco Card/Credit Card/etc.


Are we in fucking third grade? God I fucking hate you.


Well did you know....

Technically, we are all 1/2 centaur?
- nick offerman


His lack of uterus would disagree with you.


This is the first time on reddit I've wondered if someone is talking about me. I'm not 50ish but I haven't aged well let's say, so it's not a stretch.


y, i posted it back then...but everybody downvoted that


GG RPG: Could be professional model, decides to raise awareness for aortic health


>Apple. Helping families cum together

FTFY

EDIT: Alright, alright I know, that's the joke. You can stop downvoting now


I'm gonna pretend you're the New York Knicks!


Yeah I played Final Fantasy 7, 8 and 9 when I was a kid. Where those the bad apples of the series or did I miss something? The story is on the same level as cartoons from afternoon television. But you're probably the same type of person who thinks that Pixar movies are cinematic masterpieces, so why should I even bother arguing about artistic merit with you?


"Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Take a look at my cousin: he's broke, don't do shit."


"Since we did those things I bet you EVERYBODY is gonna do those things! But it's okay, we'll popularize soft core porn with shitty plots and call it anime then everyone will forget about this in 70 years anyway."


See also: Olympic games


http://i.imgur.com/EAZbl.jpg

edit: holy shit, -115? That's impressive!


There are actually a huge number of industries that only exist because their old users haven't died off yet.


Holy shit there's a whole culture of you little troll crablets! It's amazing what you find when you dig deep enough. Impressive insecure troll cave you low-hangers have here.


So now you're after the man's Wife? The man has been through enough... Can't you just leave him be?!? You sicken me!


Knock, knock.

*Who's there?*

Jason.

*Jason who?*

Please unlock the door, Mom, you need to take your medicine.


Yeah, but people don't care about books. It wasn't really that known until the movies.


Or because we have anywhere from 2 minutes to an hour to kill.


1. find female online
2. offer to be white knight
3. fuck vagina freshly ravaged by coat hanger

4. ????

5. GET AIDS FROM SAID WHORE!


People with celiac are the real winners in this trend.  Almost every restaurant I go to now has multiple gluten-free options on the menu.

Edit: [Relevant xkcd](http://xkcd.com/641/)


I like how you have 9 upvotes for your post but I have none xD

Gotta love Reddit.

EDIT: Things change, apparently.


It is not the cream that rises to the top, but the Kurds.


Or a mechanical, wooden rover with Nordic flags on it.

"Fucking vikings beat us again"


Don't complain, just reak in the karma.


The Lord Of The Rings


I guess she can't read.


Well I was handed over to the British embassy in Baghdad, the very first thing I saw on tv was Lady Gaga - I did not know what this was about :-) It was very strange seeing myself on all the news channels


Lol how do you not get this? I'm gonna go ahead and assume ur autistic lol. Let me guess, probably also a woman. If not, a really feminine guy at the very least.


The fork on a chain makes me irrationally angry.


you have eleven upvotes! I'm not going to upvote you. not because I want to keep it at eleven, but because your opinion is retarded. :)


Oh yes.  Definitely.  And I really never got over it.


>but it gets painful when the penis is long enough to bash my cervix.

That's the goddamn point.


I knew a woman who said the same thing happened to her, but she was camping alone in the Canadian wilderness. When she got her photos developed, there were pictures of her in her sleeping bag. One of the creepiest stories I have ever heard.


I'd like to remind everyone how condescending this would be for Gabe. It's like you guys are making fun of him...


Their murders will only cause more pens to denounce the backward people that are doing these anti-social things.

You can fight progress with violence for only so long before you yourself are utterly obliterated by what you are attempting to stymie.


Call of Duty is no ARMA but it is among the more realistic of shooters.

You generally move in with another armed force, there are no aliens, guns are real as are the locations.

Even in multiplayer you take considerably less shots than you do in most other FPS games.

It's not realistic, but compared to a lot of games, it's much more feasible.


Really hard ones too, with old timey words and cursive chicken scratch.


fuck off novelty account crap


They do this thing in some countries where men will kiss each other on the cheek when greeting or parting.  But sometimes you get confused about whether to go right or left first, then the other guy gets confused, there's a little halting back and forth, and they you accidentally suck his dick.


25% of the world's prison population!


just don't become a lawyer. I have a number of lawyer friends that can't find jobs because they are dime a dozen these days.


So how is all the karmawhoring treating you?  Your life online is  impressive...


It was probably the best thing to happen to me TBH.


Just delete this before they bury you too.  I think it's kind of funny myself.


He was genuinely being a good guy about it.

"I really want to get with Tauriel, but if she doesn't feel that way, I'll still be her elf-bro and not a whiney little bitch."


This could be one of the most played out jokes in all of existence.


So here I am
doing eeeeeverything I can
holding on to what I am
pretending I'm a supermannnnn


Damn nigga, high five.

*slicks hair back before five has connected*


This would have been Spielberg's magnum opus, but would have been a giant undeserved 'Fuck You' to H.G. Wells.

EDIT: *magnum* opus


I'm a woman, I always want more!


Whoa buddy!!  G rated ONLY!

Better warn somebody with a PG rating next time! ...burning ducks.


Why is that, you fuck?


I don't have to shave, which is AWESOME


Ukraine, leave Donbass alone (there would be no war if the Ukrainian military simply withdrew).


The best lie ever told


I may have some issues, primarily from being used and used and used by women who have said they wanted a 50/50 relationship....but then when it came down to it they just wanted to be supported so they could have the finer things....

In reality, if gender roles were reversed, the OP would be blasted for not supporting his woman.


Maybe start keeping them there?


Setting the backdrop of what happened so people can add the similar experiences is now butthurt?

Got it, thank you for the clarification.

Yeah, go fuck yourself <3


Also, they were both hamburgers.


I literally just took the screenshot from my Facebook photos.


This is a worst birthday thread damnit!


You need to put it in one of those funny reddit memes.


Jamie hyneman is Iron man. It all makes sense now.


its never alright for anyone to hit anyone unless in self defense, in that case gender doesn't matter.


The pistol OMG the pistol is still in the bedside drawer!!!!!


can't believe it worked.  Being a reposting karma whore is very easy.


GRASS SAVER APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE GRASS

GRASS SAVER APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE GRASS

GRASS SAVER APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE GRASS


Why not use reusable containers?

> permalinksaveeditdisable inbox repliesdeletereply

lol


Do people pay you $8 a month to watch it?


MOMMMMYYYY!!!!! NO TOUCH VAGINIA!!!!! WEDDIT, WAT ID DA APETOL SCIENCE HANDHEWD POLTOL DEVICE?????? GOO GOO!!!!


Cash money right there.

~~Unless~~ Especially if it's black.


Your dad sounds like a fucking asshole. Poor salesman is just doing his job and theres no need to be a prick to him. Some people can be so stupid

Edit: Can you faggots get me to 100 downvotes or nah?


You....you added her on facebook?!

Dude she only accepted so you would fap to her pictures instead of RAPING HER


I just posses something called a palate. Fat pigs often lack this quality.


Dude, free BBQ?! I and all 3 of my fat friends would have loved to come to this party. Next time, invite some big folks too :D


even if that were true, i'm completely disinterested due to his blatant childishness in posting his bullshit with some angsty title in the hopes of gaining attention. woman much?

edit: hmm, looks like op has enlisted some of his friends to downvote me... that makes him doubly pathetic :P


Are you the girl that has sex with dogs mentioned earlier?


Cheer up, he's just having fun and becoming a fan of an actual **WRESTLING** promotion that everybody should love!

EDIT: Why do people in this sub get so uptight about everything? Live a little.


Working as a cashier, when someone decides to buy two packs of gum, costing a total of $2.14. They hand me a medium-sized jar of pennies, and I'm required to count them all out. 143 pennies. I let them know that they still have 71 cents to pay, so they hand me a $100 bill.

The fuck, man.


It's a children's game. Stop thinking about it so hard, clearly the developers didn't.


Person 1 isn't making a decision either... Anywhere is fine then anywhere is fine.

EDIT: I'm glad some of the people who reply me are never going to be the person who drop me off at the mall.

EDIT 2: I just beat my personal comment Karma-Highscore! Yeay!


your all a bunch of fuckin faggots

kill yourselves


(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

$ノ( ^ _ ^ ノ)


Ron Paul (R) has always said people should be able to marry whoever they want.

Obama coming out in an election year and finally "officially announcing" that his views have changed, that he's OK with gay people getting married is amazing somehow? And that's what makes the parties different? Bah.


>just torturing me

That's hot


I'm not a reddit mod. Nothing I can do to get it taken down.


Volume is inversely proportional to number of fucks given


Holy shit bro are you 14 or 15?


She did that on purpose.


You just played his team. I would hope you were rooting against him last weekend.


Sounds like the porn version of Goldilocks.


\>I improved because of WarOwl

\>Gold nova 4

top lel


Also before doing all of this, place lawn gnomes in random areas that he frequents. For example, he goes to your local coffee shop a lot? Put one there. After he leaves, take it and put it somewhere else where'll see it. Do this for a couple weeks, *then* do the speaker room thing. He'll shit bricks.


lol at sport god. I think you mean the NWO affectionately named as the Miami Heat


Yup.  Had my colon and rectum removed at the same time.  Sometimes I have issues with phantom rectum.  Basically, occasionally my brain like to lie to my imaginary butthole about needing to poop.  Nothing will happen of course, but just going through the motions of acting like I'm about to take a dump will make the feelings pass.


Case in point:

[http://i.imgur.com/ugLrl.jpg](http://i.imgur.com/ugLrl.jpg)


I have no time to answer your questions - AMA.


Your comment needs more racism :|


FUCK YOU TO...oh wow, that's very mature of you. Good luck to you too.


This thread really deserves more upvotes.


No.  I am big supporter of reason as a way of life and of thought. But I do not join movements or attend rallys. Often they got bogged down in group-think.  Something I assiduously avoid in life.


I didn't get an abortion because instead of being a pussy bitch about things, I grew up and became a much better person because of it.

Your ignorance must truly be bliss.


"I like to put my penis in old ladies and ejaculate"
-Ben Franklin


It is a national game. Refs guaranteed to fuck us


I'd like to believe it is two wizards battling underground in the NYC sewers.


Black people invented techno in Detroit, white people took it for a bit and now are giving it back in the form of trap music.


Or they could just not actually drink whatever liquid they put in there and just pretend to drink it (otherwise known as "acting")

Edit: [Oh what fresh hell is this...](http://i.imgur.com/7ro9WzU.png)


for fuck's sake let it go, it's been months.


It seriously looks like he's about to stop an introduce a video that you watch in health class.


HINT: The one that doesn't ~~kill people for a living~~ defend our honorable country is superman.


They choose the perfect amount of lanes so that you have to wait long enough that it pisses you off but not so long that you leave to go to another store.


>the artist who showed up drunk and smudged the whole thing.

Funny that's what I thought happened judging by your linked image.


Not a historian, but I recall learning about several instances where the Kurds got screwed by western allies.
However, in this instance I feel that they did not get invited to avoid pissing off Turkey. Inviting them would give them credence as being a nation, which if my geography is correct is not what the government of Turkey wants.


I (possibly wrongly) assumed that he didn't want to be known publicly as a spammer.


haha well the cops said they couldnt do anything without more evidence, so I got them more evidence.


Unless youve been on both together you wouldnt understand.


"It's better to pay the grocer than the doctor." - Italian saying.


I'm a holocaust survivor, AMA.

*edit, except religion*

Fuck off. What do you think, she's ok talkin bout digging her own grave, murdered kids, but don't mention God.
Cop on, grow up. Dick face


Always that one murderer ruining it for all the perfectly nice reasonable murderers.


It's a letter to the principle dummy.


You are a minor. He is an adult. *Who works at a school with other minors.*

Listen to hunter and go to the police.


I didn't get the reference... not everybody plays outdated and nerdy games like Age of Empires (yes I had to google it)

I am downvoting your post accordingly, anonymous (-:


I want to do that little text thing where people make suspicious eyeballs, but I don't know how.

Edit:  Evidently you can be dumb and still get gold!  Thanks!


This comment shows up in every single dad jokes thread. It's getting old.


Are you ok with this? Because if you were a girl, I'm sure I don't have to tell you that people would say you were being taken advantage of.

So I'm saying it - look, you're being taken advantage of.


Lol yesterday I was up against that "fast" rogue deck and it was really funny cause the guy netdecked 100% and lost pretty bad.

Edit holy downvotes loooool wtf?


That sounds hilarious.

If I were a billionaire, I'd buy up tons of midnight TV airtime, and run movies that look just like porn, except the plumber really does fix the pipes and leave, and the teacher really does just punish the student and teach her math. I'd even hire porn stars to play the roles. I will disappoint *everyone*.


Cool. I get downvoted for a simple question.


So you still associate with your parents? Ever asked them "hey, what the shit?"


I'm confused. Stephen Curry doesn't seem to be anywhere in this gif.


you beat me by 9 minutes, although I beat you by 3 kleenexes


What you are looking at is my tax money being pissed away by the liberal education system. This is disgusting, now that seat will have to be replaced at the expense of the tax payers. Fuck that bus driver.


"AAAAAHHHHOHMYGODCANIMAKEITACROSSTHESTREETFUCKTHISISAHUGESTREETTHEFUCKISTHAT" Bam. Hit by a car. I imagine they think in run-on sentences.


Fantastic counter argument. I'll take that into consideration, guy who doesn't understand capitalization or commas.


Dude you have to try it. Evolution feels *amazing*


No. This Quasimodo look alike said "Nigger" one too many times on Xbox live and God decided to wipe him from the earth. It happens from time to time.


> Slim Jim's where the package cannot be ripped open.

One does not rip into a Slim Jim. One snaps into a Slim Jim.

Have some couth you dirty cur.


If you cant figure it out. Thats on you, fuckhead


Jesus Christ, this is the best one. Where did you get the cane from?


Reminds me  if a post of mine that got -150

God damn it guys haha. You can make it up to me in the post above. If this post gets in equilibrium with the one at 300 plus and minus, I will eat vegetables and beans for a month.


He's still on the roof.


WTF queue on a 60€ game, are they mad? Why would they do that to someone who pays that much money for a game, well, i guess i won't get it till the service gets better.


great response from the principal.


You want to hang out and drop acid with me sometime?


A guy sitting at a command post when he gets a text:

"Lol, gettin da shit blown outta us. Send rein4ments ASAP! YOLO!"


So "blunt and opinionated and wrong" is better than something insightful? So just as long as it's "blunt" it's okay with you?


Right in the self esteem.....


Saying "she" is racist. You don't know what gender the teacher is. You're a stupid man. Does that feel nice, for a stranger to assume you're sex? I think so not. English, learn how to not be idiot at it and hurt feelings. But if teacher is girl, I'm sorry?


"Pass me that joint."


More like "nice try someone with eyes and ears"

But please, continue to trot out those unoriginal memes you heard somewhere else. Don't try thinking for yourself. It'll just get you downvotes and shitty regurgitated memes like I just got.

Real facts

1) Demi Lovato is very talented and works hard, otherwise she wouldn't be where she is.
2) That guy was a fucking joke.


Tax dollars and overdue fines?


So? Most likely he was caught later in another assault. This kind of people do not suddenly stop.


Kids' reasoning and logic skills are amazing and hilarious.

Penis missing?  Clearly a shark is at fault, here.


Out of curiosity, who cares?


i have a theoretical degree in physics


It makes me sad that you live a life wherein someone would have to lie about this.


That means you were pretty and other girls were jealous of you, I think.


MAYBE IF YOU SAID THAT TO BEGIN WITH YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER RECEIVED ASSHAT!


Doesn't even have to be Mars.
Wisconsin would also be ok.
Edit: Gold? For that cheesy joke? Well, thanks.


What, In your Drug Empire?

Conext: RES tagged as Reddit Drug Baron.


Old people are awesome. I can't wait to be old so I can tell people when they are being assholes.


Completed college at a major university, work in large corporation, know a lot of people.  Don't know many retards, just people who I can problem solve and such better than.


That's a needlessly elaborate way to tell your friend he has a small penis.


Fuck you for using that overused reverse gif. You're not clever or funny.


Until you ran into a dudes balls


i dont have the money to buy a new one to then swap the old one to then return your just not getting that i don't have any money to spend on something that shouldn't need to be replaced

this is a problem with sony's attitude towards its customers not a matter of simply "dealing with it"


thats bullshit and you know it Pam


For someone who claims to not care about cake day posts, you wasted quite a bit of time making this unnecessary and unfunny image macro.

Edit: I'm prepared for downvotes; after all, OP is always a fag.


I feel it is the most common opinion. Personally I found this paper pretty crude, vulgar and hollow, and still do. Still, their death by the hand of insecure scums is most infuriating.


It means I will not use my mod status as a soapbox and lord over everyone else.  If I feel I see a problem such as this and I am involved in it, I will inform the other mods and leave it up to them to make such a post if one is needed.


It's probably the fact that they're in a cornfield in autumn.

Or the typical family style theme to it.

Or the fact that they're all white...


Oh boy. Got a lot of bites today. Today was a good day.


I actually believe reddit lately is exactly the opposite: nothing is gore or wtf material, but ALL are naked chicks. No offense, but at least 1/3 reddit is getting tired of this... Not all of us are horney guys, you know?


"The bagger on four may be plotting a mutiny, do you see the way he is opening bags with a flourish? He's communicating to the other conspirators using semaphore."


Lol just trying to be unbiased. Fret not, though, I'm a red-blooded, gun-toting, freedom-loving American.


LOL! I GET IT! Because the guy is a big bear and six bullets won't kill it!


Have you ever thought, that the other class teacher couldn't control their class, and your teacher was trying to get you to learn something important about our world? Have you ever thought that your massive hate boner for learning and general bitterness may have caused you to become a loser still living in your parents' basement after graduation?


You are dumber than a box of rocks and that rock that you were throwing was just trying to find its way home inside of your head with the rest of its family.


Who's salty now? Lol. Why are people so uptight? Just a little jab, no need to be upset. They're just chirps.


You could, you know ... Stop doing that.


i cant think of a better reason to give r/cakes to u/laurelai


Or she gave out a lot of hand jobs.


So that makes it ok when men beat women, because it happens the other way too, right? Fuck off. Abuse is abuse, period.


Skype is seriously the worst most popular program.


Alan is probably dead.


I rub my dick raw in the shower.


Don't forget it being a rule that at least one pokemon submission must be on the front page at all times.


They're wildly unpopular!


Smoking a cigarette in a car is NOT being an disrespectfull prick (except if you've being told not to do it prior to that of course)


Today he'd be in jail for the next 40 years for acts of terrorism


It's [/r/circlejerk](/r/circlejerk) who gives a crap.. however on the other hand many of the downvotes are automatic. I think this has been covered on reddit before..

edit: i've been informed the downvotes I'm receiving are not automatic.


I hope it wasn't the three-year-old.


>This wasn't even repost worthy

Number 5 of /r/funny as we speak. 869 points of Link Karma. Totally not worthy.


man they're gonna send *sooooo many* mad texts.


you are either a girl or one of the slowest guys ever. i got under 13 in 8th grade..


I had a buddy in high school who had love stains on the backseat. In a bright yellow PT Cruiser no less.


Um, childcare is a full-time job that most people get paid to do. She shouldn't be expected to do *two* full-time jobs (child care + maid). OP also has no context to put her day into - he's "tried" it for a week and the rest of the time he's off at his job.


cheers for good parenting.


Thanks, I have a wedding job to go to and didn't have time to look through all the pages.

Looks like me pointing that out butthurt a lot of people who get to sit around all day on their ass though. Jesus le Christo!


My girlfriend told me I was a pedophile.

I said, that's a pretty big word for a seven-year-old.


Because this is a criteria to judge everyone? Ok Hitler.


My favorite thing is to call them "cowboy."

Example: Calm down, cowboy.

You'll never see anyone get more pissed.


lol you are so full of shit


I'm sure there are eight sides to this story.


Ugh, whatever. Semis are the fucking lumbering bullies of the road, and I've never seen a motorcyclist not be stupid. Keep jerking each other off though.


But the number is on the sign.


I don't even know who the OP is. It's just from one of those pages that posts a ton of things daily.


"MOOOOMMM! HANG UP THE PHOOOONE!!! I GOT IT. HANG UP!!!!"


I was taught at a young age not to let anybody tell me that my thoughts and opinions were wrong, and to stand up for my personal beliefs, whether it be when it comes to religion or a damn baby shower. I definitely will be teaching Archer those same values.


He drink da poo poo from da mans anouse.


Please don't start complaining about NXT the way people complain about RAW :(


i think he was having trouble taking the other guy seriously.


Why in your right mind would you go if you weren't forced to? That makes no logical sense.


My brother also asked him to sign a picture and write something inspirational for him and his roommates at college. He wrote this saying it was the most inspiration thing he could write http://i.imgur.com/1cF8JJl.jpg


That isn't awkward, the awkward was when he put it for the second TIME, hadn't he believe that he is being homo, people would let it slide, or the black guy would remove his hand. No awkward.


Its ok he still looks like an albino velociraptor


no offence but thats not a normal sized dick dude...


How do the kids wake up then!?! There must be an infinite chain of children waking each other up until it gets to you.


Good outfit but **le** hair and makeup(?) makes you look like a girl in drag.


I see it now. After you left the shop, the little gator gazed wistfully at the shopkeeper. 'not today, Allen, not today...' The shopkeeper says, as the forlorn reptile turns away, a small tear forming..


Why do you hate freedom?


We corrected the fucking President of the USA...


I used to play old shitty games, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


Then poop happens. It's one of the risks you take when you put something in an asshole.


You get le upvote because my name is le Becky and I am le fat.


Because frankly she sucks.

says a lot about the music industry..and eg...everyone's music tastes if stupid costumes and repetitive beep boop sounds catch their attention more than actual music.


Actually, the proper plural is "Golla".


i'm 12 and what is this?


watercoloured. ish.

http://i.imgur.com/EPLwa2b.jpg


Or:

Daddy raped her most nights from the age of 7 to 13.


So you're a babe, like league and post on reddit? Message me if you ever visit New Zealand.


From the makers of "The Padded Room Insanity" program and "Six-Pack Straight Jacket"... It's the "Tied Up SuperVillian Escape Shred"


ouch... Right in the feels.


Fuck off you immature little cunt
It looks awesome and doesn't need fruit you pedantic fuck.
Wanting approval from other people is 1000% better and more normal than using the internet to make yourself feel big.
Eadc


The RuneScape variant: drop all your items and press ALT and F4.

10/10.


it's a joke not a dick, don't take it hard


I find it best to be very open about it. If I don't see it as a big deal, no one else will either. Most people who know me know about it.


>Though perhaps, your reasoning, you don't deserve that understanding.

Please post sentences that make sense before attempting to be condescending. Thanks :)


Add Atheism or Islam to the mix


Seeing as how we allow for free speech, anybody is allowed to ask what they want. You can talk all the shit you want about the userbase of my sub, but our rules our superior to that of liberal hugboxes that ban anyone who has the "wrong" opinion. This isn't SRS where anybody who goes against the circlejerk is b&.


He could tell by the positions of the shadows around the room.


fuck him over? They played the game. The thing with the boss was awesome. The thing with the auction house was less awesome, but I can't see a problem with it.


Unfortunately, their environment is our environment. It's all the same ocean, the same atmosphere. I wish pollution followed man-made international boundaries, but it does not.


They? I'm sure the title said 'one'...then again i could be wrong...or you could be a homophobic, sexually-repressed moron who secretly browses for stiff dicks in your spare time...either way is cool for me.


"fuck our way up the food chain"

Fuck, that was awesome.


Congratulations, wubredditdrama has written about you!

[RobotAnna threatens to remove thread about the grievances of gay men towards females, downvoted.](http://www.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/shsbg)

As of now, your comment has a score of -32 (15|47).


Hindrance of a non-existent thing is now possible? Cool.


If I were the ump, I would have made a huge, over-the-top 'safe' call, and tossed Escobar for trying that bullshit.

edit: okay, OKAY, I get it's a joke. I thought he was seriously trying to get the runner out like that. If he was, that wouldn't have been cool.


I am impressed by the group commitment to this one.


It's just an old term for near westernization, but I also include it in eurasianization.


As an engineer whenever I get put into a non-engineering class I'm taken aback when there are girls there. It's so awkward I usually sit in a corner examining somewhat terrified.


WRONG.  Being molested makes you a victim for the rest of your life.  It does not go away.  The pain is always there.  You may *have been* a victim of identity theft, you **always are** a victim of sexual abuse once it happens.


This is the strangest thread I've ever seen on reddit.

*and I have seen some fucking strange shit on reddit*


The textures look bad in general, I'm guessing this is from the console version.

Not much that a game developer can do to try and reach the graphical fidelity we demand, on such low-end hardware.


You also won't be driving the car.


What if she was drunk and said "hey Greg fuck me" then blacks out would that make him a good guy


It was probably finger lickin' good too.


fake and gay, possible repost aswell...


After your comment, I now picture him telling this joke to his friends like this:

YOU SEE?? IT'S NOT *JUST* A LAME PUN!! **IT'S THE *ACTUAL REASON* BICYCLES CAN'T STAND UP ON THEIR OWN! DO YOU GUYS GET IT?!?!** while standing up and gesturing his arms semi wildly.


I don't think anyone here particularly wants to know about the average length of your wank sessions, dude.

And as a side note, the wink doesn't help. Makes it creepier, in fact.

EDIT: Wow, alright Reddit. You *do* want to know about how long CootieKing uses his dick-beaters for. I apologize you crazy fucks.

EDIT 2: I also hope you all get penile cancer and die.


I ended our "relationship" immediately.  I drove her straight home and I never spoke to her again - except to accuse her of being a sociopath (which I think, in hindsight, was absolutely the case).


I used to share, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


So it was jalapeno business?


Hey lady, does it embarrass you that your son [had to beg for food on the internet](http://www.reddit.com/r/Random_Acts_Of_Pizza/comments/nvqk8/request_from_a_guy_who_is_hungry_and_broke/)? I mean damn, 6 kids? Don't breed em if you can't feed em.

Also, your singing is ok for a karaoke bar, but no one would ever pay money to hear you.


9 years old?? Holy shit! How did you not die from the beat in? Was it other 9 year olds beating you or grown men?


Have I gone back in time? Last time I checked Pele retired a long time ago.

Edit: has anyone that downvoted me ever watched Pele?


>I've lived with the shame of adding one vote to the 3 million vote lead Bush had over Kerry

wow, talk about liberal guilt.


The worst part to me is that when Mother Theresa herself needed medical care she received first class treatment.  Apparently suffering was only beautiful when it was other people who were suffering.


He deserves Top 20, not top 3. He's not even the best player on his team.

Edit: Pasha fanboys so salty. Makes me happy :)

Edit 2: Mmmmmm, this salt goes real nice on this pretzel I'm eating.


This is why vegans will never win. Oreos are ok, but milk is not.

Edit: I knew it was only a matter of time before the Almond Milk Army showed up.


You act as if you were able to make a proper argument.

My desire to share an opinion doesn't necessarily reflect the importance I give to the subject I'm discussing.

In other words, you're dumb.


I'm simultaneously flabbergasted that someone with your specific professional knowledge happened to read salamanque1's post, and fascinated by the contents of your reply!  Well said!


hi so very happy your faggot brother is dead, i can only hope you are next.


There once was a girl from Nantucket

Who took all of her men up the bucket:

"My cooter's off limits--

There's a cyst growing in it!--

And that baby might pop if you fuck it!"


I feel your level of cheesiness should not be physically possible.


You just convinced me that toitets should remain segregated by gender. Forever.


What type of crap? Moderating?

That's *all* I use this account for...


This is the first time I've heard of people coming together through velociraptors rather than being torn apart.


That's funny, your mother told me the same thing last night.

edit: please somebody come back and switch to some upvotes this is totally not cool you guys are all mean on reddit and i make one little joke and my krama is ruined FOREVER why???


cleanest sandwich in town


You literally just quoted Hitler.
"They just believe that if a lie is told long enough, that some people will start believing in that lie." -You
“If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.” -Adolf Hitler


Quite the opposite. I was the douche.


Wait you hope the bruise gets better or the cancer?

Edit: It's a dangerous road the cancer joke, joking about the Aurora and Sikh temple shootings soon after they happen, that's fine, but cancer, you never know.


Then, after 15 hours have it play a different song. They experience a huge moment of catharsis....

The random other song winds down.... then they hear: **Whats new Pussycat!!!...**

In a moment the participant goes from totally relaxed to livid. They start cursing and storm out of the room.


if reddit was good this would be top comment

edit - proven wrong


Please see attached resummaise.


No it didn't, he's fine, I'm sure its now something he looks back on and laughs about


> By the way, if you want to know what I think about this whole reddit experience - NOT BAD!

http://i.imgur.com/VKN34.jpg

HE KNOWS


It's the same shit that /u/trapped_in_reddit did that the community very much disliked

http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/v6wz7/worst_hunting_dog_ever/c51v7sm


In Canada we swear allegiance to a person: The Queen of England. Swearing allegiance to the flag as a symbol of the United States, rather than a monarch, president, or deity, is actually brilliant, IMO.


You mad you beta ass whiteknight?


Great summary but you should put the death of "the treasured and familiar character" in spoiler tags.... it really ruined the whole thing for me.


How is it up on your pedestal? Cunt.


I think your server was Zach Galifianakis.


Bullshit.  It was a publicity stunt, nothing more, nothing less.  Honored, my ass.


"I think you need to be a little more...flexible."


It's funny that you and others in this subreddit are defending a move that is cringy by all objective standards just because these people are from some competition you watch.

Pretty far off from the spirit of this sub.


Wow, he really was good at wrestling then.


I did.

Nothing came up.


This pretty much ruined The Hunger Games for me. It was like, all games and no hunger.


That was a shit movie. The shilling campaign seems to have been effective though.


In Canada it infuriates us, so we (the cut-ees) give each other looks like "Can you believe this guy?" then make passive-aggressive gestures towards him and act salty while we continue to wait quietly.


With all that money's he's saving stealing you'd think he would go to the dentist.


That's why you should always semi up.


Ehh... not really.  Using is one thing, but growing is just risky.  I'd throw out the dad's bong if I was OP, to send him a message that that is not okay.


The world also needs a shitload more teachers like you.


Nope, even if I was, would that matter?


Welp, back to square one then I guess. Do you have James Franco's home number on you?


we asked him to edit out his post about trying to sell his story, he deleted all three posts.


Get this man to NASA.


am i supposed to downvote you negetron? I dont wanna. But if you want me to....


Left: normal kid.

Others: Bond villains.


the fat one

ouhh yeah keep them downvotes coming =)


I bet you get a real feeling of joy when you ore gas 'em.


The picture itself is the source silly. If you haven't seen the fappening you must be living under a stone. I know children who can recognize where this photo originates. But since you are helpless I will give you the exact link to where I got it.

Source: http://thefappening.rocks/albums/picture.php?/4175/category/255


Jordan - I'm a Bulls guy.


> talk to me in 5 years and let me know if you still feel that way.

> Discounting valid points because of age is inadvisable

We're done here.


>meating new people


LmAo StOp BaShiiiiiiiiiNg xB0X YoU FuCk-HeAd !


Jenna or the whiskey?


I used to take shits on Sonic, but then I took an arrow in the knee!


If there's one thing Americans and British can agree on, it's how much we hate the French.


You shouldn't use it all. Find a non-gender specific word instead. :)


Somewhere I want to be.


lol millions of dollars

i admire how blissfully delusional he is


To be smart, strong, and brave.


Yes lets all suck OP's dick


Give a man a mask and he will show you his true face.


Wow, awesome joke! I'm sure people named Maureen have NEVER heard that one before! You're so clever!


do you play for the patriots?


All i did as i said in the other thread, was made a copy because i knew what would happen, anyone knew what would happen.


So, is it safe to say you have a bird in the hand?


I don't think you understand the difference between tall and short.


I have an older model, kinda big though.  Works like a charm and is completely automated every day.  It's called the Sun.


SO BRAVE !

seriously "op's friend" probably just an acquaintance on facebook. fake and gay.

stupid dweeb looks like he had 2 much bath satls to be onest.

stupid post. i just downvote any post with "so my friend" in the title coz its obvioussly fake.


HELLO

YES THIS IS GHOST


The last birthday I had my closest friends and I went to dinner and not only did everyone pay for themselves, they also paid for my meal. Afterwards we went back to mine, everyone brought their own booze and we had an awesome night.

Apparently you have pretty shitty friends.


IT'S PEOPLE! REDDIT IS MADE OUT OF PEOPLE!


It wasn't my analogy, it was yours, sweet cheeks.  I have never heard him say that he built Bain by himself, do you have a link?


And I found my new band name


That little bugger is destined for stardom, best part is that he got in their himself, I have no idea how.


Yeah, his 5 year old child is too


You mean their daughter. You have two XX chromosomes. lol


It might be too subtle, but i like the idea of giving him a grade of r/F


No, its not. At the end it makes no difference...


Because he's the subject of a legitimate news story now?

The victims on his site neither gave permission for the use of their likeness, nor were they public figures or engaged in public activities. They had what's called a reasonable expectation of privacy, and he doesn't.


Hahahaha, that made me laugh.

BTW, fuck you for downvoting me just 'cause I said it made me laugh, I'm looking at you reddit.


>Darstellende Geometrie - Descriptive Geometry

"Yup, that's a square."


Your son is pretty ugly.

Sorry, it's not the most adorable thing I've ever seen.  By far.


And a triple cheeseburger with a large fry and a chocolate milkshake.

And a diet coke! We get it!


You must be very good at dodging coat hangers.


Awesome dad. Screwing with boys that want to screw with his girl.


or that beer is not allowed in North Korea


or you run at him naked and shout "RAGGLE FRAGGLE MOTHER FUCKER."  He will be so confused he will leave


I said "we" not I. As long as the enemy is dead. It's a good thing.


The poor guy was probably waiting out there with a hacksaw and some hair dye. To think, he almost had the girl of his dreams.


I can't express how fucking annoying it is when you post this bullshit on reddit.  People die all the fucking time, it's not a notable occurrence.  Keep your insignificant problems to your insignificant self, please.


The time for autocorrect to shine has come.


You lucky dog.. I wish mine would too ;-)


Ditto, I am bad at keeping in touch and generally maintaining the whole friend thing; the only "real" friends I have are people who keep in touch with me by their own effort, and sometimes it baffles me that they even bother.


Ugh. You hate to see this.

edit: wow, downvotes, SERIOUSLY GUYS??????


Not to harp on you specifically (your heart's in the right place), but that's unfortunately not how suicidal depression works. You can't tell a paraplegic to "walk it off", and you can't tell someone with no will to live to "go live a little".

OP needs a psychiatrist, not an internet forum.


hand over the soundguy and nobody gets hurt

except for the sound guy amirite???


“I didn’t invent the turtleneck, Lana, but I was the first to recognize its potential as a tactical garment. The tactical turtleneck. The tactalneck.”


Congrats, you are a faggot


He totally has cancer. My daughter watches this show. One day he was sick with the flu on the day they were going to have a puppet show. So the teacher brings all the kids to his house to do the show! You don't do that for a kid who isn't dying.


I tried to downvote you twice but that just removed my vote, so i ended up downvoting you for a third time which was even better


You used to clean houses. You still do, but you used to, too.


thats not very fair

Maybe we should start discounting people with slender builds. But wait thats not an option.

This is why engineers shouldn't go arround trying to justify pricing because your talking out your ass. Fat people make it hard for an airline to be competetive ... really indepth analysis there. Let me restate it for you, socialism is bad mmmkay.


All you need is a gun and a few big friends, and you can actually earn some money yourself! Really nice team building exercise.


Yeah, and I think they're stupid if they endorse such hypocrisy. Abuse all the pigs and chickens you want, but don't you dare hur a dog!

Why can I only eat certain kinds of meat? Because people think dogs are cute? Is that why?


And then shifts the line slightly over time


So you're saying that the Men's Rights Movement is in opposition to feminism?


As a brit, thank you about the confusion caused.


This is getting really tired.


I'm number one in Mass Effect in England.

I'm not even English.


All that paid leave has got to be tough.


At first it would have to be:

**Achievement Unlocked**: a brush with death

*Successfully avoid death once*

It would be scary just to have your first near death experience, especially if nothing seemed like it was out of place.


Right bro. but man... shit... if you're fantasizing about this then you're fantasizing about rape... and that is probably something you want to realize. Ya know?


You find that man and you make him suffer.


that's not funny at all nice try though

EDIT: -100 karma already? thanks reddit keep it coming!  you guys are amazing!

EDIT 2: wow the comments are great guys keep them coming!

EDIT 3: front page?  wow thanks guys this is awesome!


You're telling us frogs are born in or migrate to... the sky?


You think rape is "amazing"? This is the top comment?

Fuck you reddit, that's the last straw.

Fuck you and your rape culture
Fuck you and your misogyny
Fuck you and your racism
Fuck you and your ableism
Fuck you and your objectification
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOUFUCKYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Because the Holocaust was a failure.


**I used to keep the protagonist alive on easy even though it was hard, but then I took an arrow to the knee!**

80085


This LPT wouldnt work for me because one day I'd be loo lazy to get up and grab a tissue and would just masturbate into the hand towel. Then I'd chuck it in the corner of the room and never get around to cleaning it.

I'm single, ladies.


Still didn't do a single legit pushup, even the one arm ones were still less than half way down.


Absolutely this. You're not a scumbag, but the gravy train will have to end eventually.  Your company will likely catch on and make changes to the data entry process.


you ever hear of 'The power of Greyskull'?  something like that


spiders. and death. and death by spiders.


This is why reddit sucks; everyone thinks they are witty or a comedian but they are not.  Go ahead and downvote me to hell, I'll see you at Digg.


Toby? NOOO GOD, NO GOD, PLEASE NO, NO NOOOOOOOOO!


Dont speak english, Ching chang chong


You give great breath.


Yup. I'm older. You're a kid. I've no problem cruising up to Oakland. Now fuck off and get some sleep. Class begins early for you I'm sure.


RPG also enjoys long walks in the park, and sitting in the moonlight staring out onto the sea.


Yes I can learn because at least I don't use insults and mentally disabled people as the base of my insult.

I'm not morally superior, I am actually a decent human being in this sad and disgustingly ignorant community.


So much so.

I lost it at the snowbank. Wow.


How else would he have broken the **hattrick** record?


Or they want to break my fucking shredding machine


You know what your sister's insides look like? How long have you been fucking her?


Pleb, mine has a 7 inch radius


A good soldier is a dead soldier.

If I was an Afghan you can bet your ass I would build IED. You kill my family, you invade my country, you torture my brothers, you kill my wife... FUCK YOU.


I didn't even know he disappeared.


All you people are fucking sick psychopaths.


That's the gayest shit I've ever heard.


but you can let your status as virgin slip by?

FAKE EDIT: DOWNVOTES REALLY?


"star dust; slightly used"


That's totally the same thing.


                               _
              _        ,-.    / )
             ( `._____/____-./ /
              `\|            |/
                |    YOU     |
                |   ROOLZ    |
                |            |
                |____________|
                 /      /`


Thanks for the feedback. That's what I meant by them messaging us; there's no way we could monitor every thread to know when an OP is done or not. But it wouldn't be too hard if they let us know when to add the tag.


Magic that powerful and unpredictable can only be utilized for truly worthy causes, like letting an already advanced student advance needlessly further without sacrificing summer vacation.


that is the stupidest fucking thing ive ever heard you twat. go kill yourself.

i dont expect this to be upvtoed at all because redditors are bigoted against the military and hate this country


Bullshit. Where's the DNA sample and birth certificate?


I've said multiple times that I will gladly lose my company before enabling her.

But that may not be the only option. The reason I posted here, which no one seems to understand, is to find a way to fire her without putting 14 other people out of work.


I bet he maintained eye contact the whole time too.

Edit: Yes, I know Autism makes it hard to maintain eye contact. I bet he dominated the hell out of his Autism to make it happen.


Not really. I don't see what laws he broke. I don't think it's a good idea for the government to go around charging people with things if they haven't broken laws, even if they're doing bad things.

I mean, I fail to see how this is identity theft. And it's not extortion since there's no threat. I hope this guy wins.


1. Marrying my wife
2. Having my children
3. Living long enough to see my grandkids


You fags act more feminine that a pack of women. Bizarre


Haha thanks. You know what they say:

"An American thinks 100 years is a long time, and a European thinks 100 miles is a long distance."


So I could downvote you.


It's not as funny when you're the father. I came home from work early today and caught my daughter masturbating with a cucumber.

"That's disgusting" I said, "I'm meant to be eating that tonight, now it's going to taste like salad."


And I subbed from a month before BC came out. Are you saying that since I subbed before BC I should get one too? Are you serious, you entitled Occupy kid?


That's why you have only one earphone in.


Old man dies, underwater squirrel lives. Fair trade.


1984 Suburban: This vehicle has gone __ hours without major transmission work.


I'm glad this dude got sued.

Most people just love this movie because it's *soooo controversial* but he disrespected Kazakstan in every way possible and guess what: **HE FILMED IT IN ALBANIA**. He's kind of funny, but mostly a cunt. (sexy wife though, 8/8 would eat butt all day)


If I remember correctly, it was based on a number of factors including motility, sperm count, shape, volume...

Long story short, I get women pregnant by just looking at them on crowded public transit.

I wear a condom at all times, just to be safe.


No one cares about the horse.


Dude, you fucked a corpse.


Have fun listening to "can I have a fries with that?" instead then.


Sect of the nazi regime.


a downvote a day will keep the doctor away.


I click the link, phone opens the YouTube app, and I think "Its happening, I can't believe I fucking fell for it."

Edit: Okay, I really didn't deserve this gold, but thank you kind stranger! Also: I'm really glad my top rated comment is about rickrolling.


I used to be cute looking, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


#olympicworldproblems


Overused joke, you're overused, go home.


You're a fantastic writer. I was fucking ENTHRALLED!

The glass breaking moment... my whole brain paused with your story.


Good friends? I take it she goes to their parties? That kind of friend? Or more like "hi, how's it going today?" ind of friends?


Who the fuck needs proof?  She says she plays.  Why the fuck do we need gamer reputation investigations?


Then maybe you just shouldn't have read my comment and moved on. :)


You went to three of the most racist states in the country. Try the Northeast, I've never seen anti Muslim propaganda around here.


Haha, this guy is infamous in **le** SC2 community for **le** most awkward interviews of all time.


"My autistic atheist daughter made this controller with her allowance earned from helping the homeless in memory of our sadly passed away kitten. It may look like a PS4 controller but is actually a Wii U Pro Controller used specifically for PC gaming."


Instagram/Hipster-rock


Okay-dokay!  http://i.imgur.com/nXALPpZ.jpg


Stop making out like people trying to fight social injustice are a bad thing. Fuck off back to your men's right groups and your gamergates.


I have no idea what you are talking about at all. Such clubs do not exist.


Not mine, just a Facebook post I found.


You know that it was fake right?

Ok, so instead of your Mom being in Heaven, instead shes in the ground festering. Ok, sure, if thats what you want then go right a head and think that way.

Ok, next time someone wants to comfort you, make sure you wear a shirt that says "fuck off, I like being a sad little bitch".


*YOU WEREN'T THERE. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND US.*


Your more stupid then he was crazy, you had it coming since you agreed to it.


He doesn't work in a department that requires lots of reading


I guess that depends on your definition of self portrait. I set the camera up on a tripod, composed, chose all the camera settings and had my mom hold the button while I went down. It was a team effort really...

Edit: Thanks for the downvotes.  To see more crappy HDR work check out my blog [ShutterRunner.com](http://www.shutterrunner.com)


I don't even play Dwarf Fortress and I understood that!


What absolute bollocks. All your dog needed was an owner who had time for it instead of getting one and leaving alone for hours on end everyday due to work and expecting it to be happy about it. Admit it your a selfish twat.


Please add "writes essays to defend Ozil online" to your resume.


The guy was getting divorced, she wanted the bike.


So a guy who got sent to jail and could have possibly been out of the league for good is saying good things about the commissioner who allowed him back in?  Shocker.


Like getting hugged to death.


It amazes me to see people with PhDs/MDs who can't speak coherent English. How they ever get a job blows my mind.


Also, even healthy babies don't usualy get their MMR until 12-15 months of age, so they're vulnerable.


This is common sense, which is sadly lacking in this generation.


You know who else is programmed for survival? Humans. If our pets died we wouldn't sit next to them starving, we'd eat them. Dogs are stupid.


Yeah, I know that, the majority of people who fly are just idiot redneck hicks who know nothing of history.  They view it as a redneck pride flag.


Famous for opening bottles?


Apparently? It's the most anticipated game of all time aside from half life 3. Back to halo with you.


Subject is alive....situation corrected via alternative means.


Her mom def takes it in the ass by a wild pack of niggers daily


Now *that* is a first world problem.


I call bullshit on this.

*Edit: And it reminds me, [once again](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLUxMRYJAso&feature=fvwrel), why we should be happy Henry isn't a referee. Or else the first half of the last decade would have been called The Invincible years*


This is probably accurate. If Bard intervenes it's to influence something in another dimension 10000 years ago. Bard's not healing you to save you - hes healing you because your great great great grandchild will lead a revolution in the distant future.


>Oh, I'm sorry. Is the community being to generous and thoughtful for you?

lol which community are you talking about here?


And the cycle continues.


Because that's the fastest way to get vegan-spotters to shut the fuck up.


If you look into the actual cases, you'll see that most of the murders have various amounts of mutilation involved. I think one of the girls had most of her reproductive tract and intestines removed.

So yeah, not pretty. Jack was one sick son of a bitch.


While spoiling a child may be adorable and sweet, it has consequences in the long run


🎵Yo girl let's meet up for kisses
I'll be your tiny dick Zach
And you'll be my mistress🎵


Edit: Ok, people. I understand it wasn't the best joke. Bad taste and all that. My apologies.


Getting banned from an entire state far exceeds anything I've ever done.


Let me guess, you were in Arkansas and were watching too much CNN?


Yes, I'd like to report a possible drunk driver.  He's in a BMW SUV and is swerving all over the place.


SHUT UP YOU STUPID FUCKING TEENS. GET OFF REDDIT YOUR RUINING IT. You don't sound mature, edgy or cool when you say "Zero fucks were given," you just sound like a fucking stupid little teen faggot who's trying to sound cool. So STFU you faggots.


This may be the most Australian thing I've ever read.


     HAHAHA HAHA WORSTANSWERPOSSIBLE NAILS IT AGAIN HYUCK HYUCK

you're annoying as fuck dude


"I'm gonna lean up against you, you just lean right back against me. This way, we don't have to sleep with our heads in the mud. You know why we a good partnership, Forrest? 'Cause we be watchin' out for one another. Like brothers and stuff. "


This is not a citation so it doesn't answer my question.


Your son is the Thomas Edison of jizzing in his sleep. Well done.


fuck you he was a great man

downvote me you ignorant bandwagoner douchebags


Give out PTSD instead of candy.


I used to thank random people on the internet, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


"Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn.  It's what separates us from the animals...except the weasel."


this submission belongs in /r/destiny


Thanks, I'll do that now.


Wow, this is really sad. Did you really feel you had to apologize in my place? Who the heck do you think you are? Why do you feel Savage is such a weak unintelligent humorless guy that he would truly be insulted by someone merely stating their opinion, and even commenting on his great ethics and enthusiasm...


Celery: it's got what dicks crave.


Wow. That joke is so original, it must have taken all your mental strength right?

Try thinking about what you are typing the next time you post a comment.


Exactly, that and that 5-10 more minutes really isn't going to make you feel better.


technically speaking isnt there a war on children in the liberal media? Oh that's right you dont believe a child is alive until it slips out of the vagina because it would be inconvenient for you to realize the scientific fact that a fetus is a living human being


That is so awesome. I just need a friend to be a best man and a girl to get engaged to and I'm going to recreate this at my wedding.


Is providing a prosthetic leg to an amputee considered damaging them?


Oh man, the irony of being unable to build arms for yourself because you have no arms.


All of it. My family has their own money and I'm not having kids.


A lot of simps won't like this song, 'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it, And I'd rather stay and play, to ensure that my offspring develop properly and survive to continue my genetic line.


Can I get in on the downvotes guys? Niggers.


Wow. An interesting commentary that lacks sexual objectification. Good stuff.


I am an ass because I suggested that people be respectful when approaching law enforcement? This is common decency. You will be treated the same way you treat other people. Did you miss class that day in kindergarten?


agreed. the sex offender registry has a bunch of issues, and getting on there is a black mark for life. If you think he's telling the truth then of course give him a shot.


I will not unban him.  Nor will any of the other mods.


It's really upsetting when you realize wars are practically being fought by kids.


You clearly don't understand what's going on here... I'm trolling. I really REALLY don't care about the points. I've net about -100 or so because slurping up your tears is more fun than having useless points.  I keep coming back to comment because it keeps bringing in more dumb asses. It's fun.


I worked at Hot Topic for several years, and you just gave me 'nam-style flashbacks.

Edit: Holy shnikies, your support is overwhelming! [Me right now..](http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ldvs1whTYO1qc1r1t.jpg)


I want to call you a racist and say that is a huge stereotype, but I am not confident enough to say that couldn't be the cause.


Unless, they ask to stop. If that happens, don't feel bad. Sex can be fun without an orgasm too.


Good, now I don't wanna hear any shit about Cops not getting recognized when they do something good.

I don't wanna hear about when cops do good..THAT IS THEIR FUCKING JOB!! What, do they want a 15% tip or something?


No it's a bronchial cast. In short it is a kind of fibrous mucus set like plastic. You didn't cough up anything you needed. Infact it probably would have got infected if you hadn't cough it up.


You're saying this like she's a golddigger, they were together for a long time afaik.


Don't fuck with me, Joss. Not you...


You know nothing. There are countless cases of lion kittens (?)who have for some reason been raised by human caretakers, that are completely tame. What the fuck makes you think that just because OP is an redditor, that she is not capable of taking care of this wolf?


No. I hate Mexican people.


DOWNVOTED FOR SAYING BULLSH*****, WHICH IS A BAD WORD ;-)


As a Punjabi girl... I wish I could give you more upvotes. My father left us because my mom birthed three girls.


Oh cool, you're a sex tourist. I hope you feel good contributing to human trafficking in Eastern Europe. Piece of shit.


Or potential future conversations, just incase.


Cop sees child running down the street with a motherboard in his hands.

*Finish him*

That's a Monday in Furgeson.

Edit: /s

I guess i need to put that there.


>Rings around things are not inherently stable

Yeah, tell me about it, my best friend's fiance is a fucking nightmare.

HEYOOOOooooo I'll get my coat.


Oh well apparently a brigade of Americans are downvoting me.

I have news for you: outside the U.S., nobody believes in this mummer's farce of Bin Laden's death. We watch the news about that as a kind of comedy show.


STARTED WITH A COSMO NOW MY WHOLE TEAM THINKS I'M QUEER

Edit: *Gold? For me? Darling you shouldn't have! That's fabulous! I've been waiting for a stud like you to pop my cherry for all these years!*


I heard it was physically impossible to show support and buy the Japanese version of things you like, especially when unlikely to ever see an official release.

It's better to just let them die in obscurity and be given more cliche ultra-mainstream garbage instead.


Rather than aliens, how 'bout a highly advanced civilization of humans that had constructed underwater settlements in pre-history to escape the extinction events. And we all descended from the small fraction of humans that survived on the surface and was reduced to stone age tech level.

Edit: I don't read fiction much and this idea was invented in just a minute.


Sex is the oldest business, men ARE pervs, maybe the internet is not for you. Just my opinion, but still.


It wasn't an accident my friend.


Really? No one in retail gives a crap what you're buying. I don't see why you have to make such a big deal about being a 'girl gamer'.

Why do you have to point it out?


You see, it's  "the *rest* of your life."  As in, the best sleep you've ever gotten.


Go fuck yourself cunt.


This is really common. Most of the disabled women I've worked with react very poorly to men and being bathed, especially the ones that can't talk. Some of them have stories in their charts that just.... fucking fuck hell. The fuck is wrong with people.


all these sites are stealing oc credit from reddit and 9gag and its getting annoying thats the problem

*wow you can downvote me for the truth probably just because i'm a girl that plays games and you guys hate nerdy girls like me :p


He's an entertainer. He's not shooting a commercial for P90X, cut the guy some slack.


It says "Don't be a bitch, fucking *relax* buddy".


In our defense, we eat lots of things live.


I'm extremely disappointed to see that this is the top comment. I guess racism is still alive and well in 21st century America, no matter how intently we try to sweep it under the rug. Pitiful, really.


Until it passes unfortunately.


Obviously. But that doesn't change the fact that "she didn't get raped because nobody would rape *her*" is an absolutely disgusting idea to be spreading.


ME TOO I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN 50 minutes

Also what the fuck is that shiny gold thing on my post?

Jesus fuck these upvotes are ridiculous


I only can only share with you my wisdom, son.  Do with it what you will.  After you get your daily fix of TMZ and Jersey Shore, of course....


Please don't say she actually utters these words...
"Be back in a few minutes honey, going for some princess time"
*Shudders*


What would we do without experts? The only thing they got wrong was ... the warming.

Your whole movement now hangs on a social science survey by a psychologist.


The fact that you call it "a slice of your sausage pizza" makes me reasonably certain that this is not a risk.


tl;dr - vijrox incorrectly used "Wooooooosh".


I just had a car full of teens on whip-its crash through my brick wall... Cheers!


I'm glad you're not. That guy is scum for breaking the rules so blatantly.


Yeah "friend" was probably not the right word. I knew her from our social circle. Didn't really socialize with her much after that.


Fuck Apple products

real niggers roll with linux all day

chugga chugga

~~BIRDMAN~~


Stronger water cannons.


1. Apology accepted.

2. Not a chance in hell.

3. The rest of reddit can bite my shiny metal ass most of /r/transgender likes how i moderate.


Cause I'm all about that cake, 'bout that cake, no treadmill...


God that movie is terrible. Is that what passes for quality cinema these days?


>I don't have kids and I am not married.

I discovered your secret.


Wouldn't call it cute. It's more scary than attractive.


It seems like I can't avoid this questions. I horse sized duck. mainly because the duck would lose stability and fall over due to being so big and I would see that as my opportunity to get on it's back and ride it. Not every day you get to ride a horse sized duck....


Ha ha ha. You peeple are just too funny with you pictures. Stop, give me a break, my stomach is in pain from all the laughs you are causing me.

But for the truth, I didn't laugh once. It is too boring this same joke. Don't you get tired of laughing at the same things?


You shut your whore mouth. Indiana Solo is going to live forever. I can't handle any other reality.


...because this comic makes your old ones look like crap.


It is VERY delicious.


Maybe he could do better if he had chosen an occupation that didn't involve such distance from his family.

Just sayin'


the creepy amplifies exponentially in that last sentence.


For once it's not a dumb pun, it's a comment that doesn't overreach the mental capacities of the Redditor, a laugh. Usually the puns are just try hards -/u/qoskymotto knows he's not smart and he gives a comment that he knows will take the supremum of his effort, so I'm okay with him.


Modern country is more like pop music than actual country. I'd say a good chunk can be summed into 5 categories:
heartbreak, beer, trucks, Jesus or christianity and conservatism.


I heard that Al Gore fondles little boys.  He hasn't denied it though.


Or maybe Undercover Dictator.


REMEMBER TOMORROW TO STARE AT THE SUN, PREFREBLY WITH TELESCOPE SO YOU CAN SEE VENIS PASS BY FOR A SEC'ND CHANCE AT SEEING  IT; BORROW FRIENDS TELESCOPE IF U MUST BUTT PLEASE DONT MISS! ANYONE ELSE SEE IT LAST WEEK? I WAS WATCHING THE SUN LAST WEEK AND SAW IT I THINK.


No, it's the child *of* a KKK member.


Yeah, don't think he did that shit intentionally just to diss you.


Half Life 3.

WTF? At least pick a game people actually give a shit about.


I imagine everybody who has had sex with her is a fan.


Well, then he should find another job and stop wasting taxpayers' money. If anything, this highlights the inefficiency of nationally sponsored sporting organizations.


Someone once told John Wick this. It didn't turn out well for him...


No no no that's the triforce. You know how unreliable zoom and enhance is.


Those two had to be working together...


thumbs up if you're listening to this in 2012 xDDD


I was actually thinking Soda would be nice


MOOMMMY WHY DID DA MAN SAYD  HE CANT WAIT?????????????????? GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ah yes. The lobster stuffed with tacos.


logged in to downvote this

Shut up you karma horing faggot no1 cares about some stupid fucking flickr account.

Leave now plz. Staple your dick to a box full of hammers and throw it off the side of a 3 story building plz. You fucking suck dick.


I'm waiting for a really elaborate tree fitty


Still not getting the hang of sarcasm, huh Sheldon?


Goodness! I didn't expect such a huge response to this! You think I should tag this with a spoiler 'We're still alive!' or let the reader take the emotional roller coaster :P


Check his/her post history. OP seems to be a misogynistic homophobic racist ass-hat.


"Alright let me guage the room..."


Wow, and I thought the *dad in the story* was a fag.


You should've made a move to see if she was made of honor.


oh my god you're soooo smart do you like study sciences or something

le ninja edit HAPPY CAKEDAY ROFLOLOL AMIRITE

le fedora edit: Downvotes? Really? well my good sirs i respect your opinions and wish you well on this merry day. Stay euphoric, everyone!


*Twig snaps, head shoots up*

Shit, what the fuck was that?


Sounds like you should have went around it instead. ^^i'll ^^show ^^myself ^^^out

UnEdit:


See, rhys_k, wouldn't that have been so much fucking easier to say.


One time I ordered a pizza from Papa John's and this college kid arrives with it and we do our transaction, then he says "uh could I borrow your phone I locked my keys in the car" so I let him use my cell to call his workplace. I invited him in because it was like 30 degrees outside and he didn't have a coat on, so we did tequila shots together until one of his coworkers arrived to pick him up.


He literally demonstrates it right in front of you


Came here to make that same comment. Have an upvote.


And thats when steve decided to hate flash


Hell yeah, fuck metsfan. He is a phony


iAMA - I'm Avenging My Allah


Bring on the downvotes you presumptuous cunts.

Edit: I regret nothing


HOLY SHIT THAT'S ALMOST THREE TIMES


Interestingly enough anytime I've accused a women of being her period I was right.


Because people never lie on the Internet.


Pretty sure he isn't a nine year old girl either. If you don't like the alters, go buy nonalters. Not sure how someone expressing themselves harms you in any way.


Your loss hun. *speed walks into the sunset*


I used to have a great dad,  but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Aw, I support him 100% perfect. He is very cool guy. But at this time, we have agreement, I cannot talk about it. He is very dedicate actor. We have a lot in common James Dean for example. Next question!


It's the same way with gays and fags to me. If you are gay that's fine. It's your choice. Once you get all up in my face about it and try to hit on me knowing that I am straight is when you become a fag


Alright, let's get you home grandpa.


More hypocritical than funny. So it's not okay to get misread Niger as Nigger and feel free of the socialist tyranny that Hussein has brought upon us. But it is okay to call a group of upstanding moral Christians, who gather to protest this denigration of America's values, by a disgusting sexual term such as teabaggers?

Redditards disgust me.


As someone who studied advanced macroeconomics in college, I can say that lower oil prices are one of the best things that can possibly happen to an economy that consumes a lot of oil.


I think if he gets that up to about 10 miles a day he can eat pretty much whatever he wants.


Your sister is more than awesome, that is godlike.


That was a man, you fucking idiot.


7 year old me would've killed for your job.

36 year old me isn't entirely unjealous either.


Ha! Thought that right away! Take my upvote


yeah, its not often they get away from their parents for a night out.


I was hoping that the top response to a question asking male parents a question wouldn't be thoughtless male-bashing. I am disappointed.


You'd better fuckin deliver OP

Edit: OP fuckin delivered


Yeah, her. Why am I getting downvoted for forgetting her name?


You'd better deliver fucking, OP


Uhhh, no? I paid a lot to have all this pierced and I like it. One word of advice when talking to someone who is pierced:

NEVER, EVER suggest having them taken out.

It's not the piercings making me average anyway.


Maybe he was drunk when he said that.


what's really funny is that dead downey92 kid lol


The mammal that smokes more weed.


It's almost like he's Kanye, except that we like Mercury because he's dead, which only makes it sadder when you consider if Kanye were to die tomorrow, we would venerate him much in the same way, even though he's a talentless, spoiled, house-nigger'd, twat waffle.


Well you were a retarded little fucker weren't you?


Well yea.  If you're that much of a risk hazard and can all of a sudden want to hijack a plane you shouldn't be flying.


He's also not allowed around Jr. High schools.


yes, cuz we all live in the US


At least it would be an interesting first date. You get to meet all her friends, afterwards you get to go to her place where you get free room and board for at least 5-15 years.


That is true... But they certainley didn't help me with math. I was just one of "the kids that didn't get it". Then that limited me in the sciences which I was very much interested in.


Imma steal this rule.


Well, then anti-humans who force other people to inject toxic chemical cocktails in the bloodstream of their toddlers are also cute kitten killers.


Oh yea? Well my dad told me it was ridiculous I was required to have a ruler in school and that he measured lengths by comparing against relative arc lengths of stars.


So Kurt required the preaching of Jesus to find worth in his life?  Sad man.


lol the OP is another fucking troll.

Hey OP FUCK YOU!

edit: to the morons that downvoted me, he posted no proof, and just stole photos from a science journal


I can verify this; I can see OP quite clearly.


I saw her a few years ago in Pittsburgh and while she was funny, she was a disgusting person(not in a good way). I remember when she walked by me her makeup was so thick I could have chipped it off with a breadstick that she would then proceeded to eat when I was done. I really disliked her before, not only because of what I mentioned.

My respect has gone up as well, no sarcasm.


Im still going to nominate you for King of Mars


It's your own damn fault for linking the death with his religious affiliations. If you posted "11 year old boy dies during storm" without the religious context you'd get differen reponses.


Curvy: A-OK

Morbidly obese: Not OK

Society, there's a difference


I think you missed the point.


I imagine he'd regret making them a lot less if he still held a stake in the company.


Bad service warrants it. Waitresses have the easiest, best paying job compared to minimum wage jobs. No excuse for bad service.


Here. We. Go.

(For at least 3 years, according to the [draft AUMF](http://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/docs/aumf_02112015.pdf). Specifically, Section 3).

Everybody should read this. It's only 3 pages.


yeah, thats why people like you are classified as 'geeks' and never get laid. Loser.


Or any rounds bigger than a pellet gun.  Seriously, it's just sheet metal.  That shit isn't armor.


Yeah 10 pushups is not impressive at all. In fact, in Canada you would be considered borderline obese if you couldn't do at least 25. Let me guess you: are American?


Or he could buy $400 for 400$


A point for you!

Edit: Jesus Christ, -103 Karma! Cause one person said it, it seems the whole reddit community followed suite!

Who's the sheeple now?


I think you got her age wrong, Sarah Jessica Parker is actually 49.


Obviously your little pussy ass dogs couldn't handle the ninja cat by themselves... They needed their pussy owner to do the job... In a pussy ass manner of course.


5 Guys PR rep here. I'll see what I can do.

For what it's worth, I'm not a five guys rep.


## fuckhead he dont need no proof did u READ the coment he was usin skye and it TRIED TO UNINSTALL his nmap!!!

so stop being so stupid


Certain guys used to dress like that and have hair like that pre-1950s. They were certainly ahead of their time.


because hating religion = smart. I'm so offended by your bigotry.


Fuckin' right little squid, take 'em down with you.


and you are how old???


You think you can just come to the internet and tell lies?


THERE IS NO OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF THE UNITED STATES. HOLY FUCK.

Do I get my own section in SRD now, since people like Curating everything I say on that shitty subreddit? Let's see how "we're totally not a downvote brigade you guiz" does with this one. I'm guessing in 24 hours this will have magically accumulated around 40 downvotes.

Yep, totally not a downvote brigade. -74 at 19 hours.


"Hey snuffle! I got a boner, can you help me get rid of it?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, the boner wont go away until I'll have sex!"

"Okay!"


Their show is shit.  Their entire act is based on "Hey guys, our skin is dark so we can make fun of black people and white people can laugh at it without feeling guilty".  Everything is just racial stereotypes, but not in the Chappelle way that made fun of inequity or racial issues, just very superficial mimicry.


What the fuck? How do you live like that? It seems like the population is held in constant fear and exploited like a workhorse.

Constant fear of losing your job, constant fear of going bankrupt if you get sick and need medical care, constant fear from wars and terrorists.
I don't mean to bash the usa but i don't understand why the us population is accepting this.


But I'm getting a lot of upvotes.


welcome to the internet

enjoy your stay


> I had a guy running a porn server

> I still have a copy of of the HDD with all the porn.

You were the guy, right? It's okay, we all run a porn server in our company's network.


You stole my comment that I was gonna get karma for!!!


Well look who knows all about disco balls. Where did they teach you all this, DISCO SCHOOL?!


Diagnosing people over the internet and you say *I* have mental issues. How funny.


"Hey Steve my mom passed away and I won't be able to make it in this week."

*throws car keys at him*

"Now you will be here this week."


** OP: every thought of just killing yourself? It's the only sure way to make all the pain go away, you know ... **


It's okay, my karma can take it.


awww thats cute! Lets talk when you have been a parent for 10 years since you were 19!!!!


As someone who aids in making MRI coils, you bastards are the reason we pit shock indicators on our outgoing products now. Broken indicators mean compensation, These things aren't cheap either.

Edit: Actually getting compensation depends on paperwork, insurance and a lot of patience. Thanks for the Upvotes guys!


Why are you glad, you don't even know him.


At the bottom and struggling. Being in the premier league does not mean you are at the top level of football.

This really shouldn't be so shocking to people, especially considering the other team is Toronto.


It was my Junior year high school picture which did not actually make it into the year book. My high school principle made me do retakes because she thought I looked retarded in the picture.  She also thought I did it on purpose.  I was 17 years old.


Lol. People in relationships all cheat. It you aren't, you're the one being cheated on.


The disgusting healthcare system of America goes *both* ways, suckers!

***USA!  USA!  USA!***


Yeah and?  Angie's a girl lol.


They're called phoneless cameras.


LE /R/DADJOKES AMIRITE LE REDDITS?!? XDDDDDD


I would've said "To periodically reduce the length of grass on my property."


> . The gun was not left in the **crotch** of a tree where it might have been grown around.


That sure is a weird lookin snake.


Good news for you, then! All my bot accounts were just shadowbanned.


I find it much more fun to hit Z and then J repeatedly


No, there's need.  You are trying to disarm me you useful idiot, while the pychopathic killers running our government are warming up the "reeducation camps".

>You worked that out just by me asking that? Talk about mentally warped...

Considering you want to disarm citizens but have no qualms about the mass murdering government; yes, you are a severely disturbed individual.


I wish my dog was still alive.


Aww too bad you didn't, you rapist.

Edit: I hurt the reddit rapist coalition's feelings.


you know what sucks? Girls often equate flaccid penis size to erect size.


Looking at his post history he claims to be a former F-16 pilot... Not irrelevant, but not impartial either.


That's how an Australian woman refuses you anal sex


lOl! i JerKEd OfF tO It LiKe 3 tImEs ALrEADy!!! lol


disneyland has gay days?


It doesn't matter there will always be a stat that a Democrat can find to scream racist.


Ditto. Only it's only been a year and half since I've gotten it. Really, how often is anyone in my family going to see my upper thigh?


have u ever listened to rap?


something about two guys owning 1 fork, I find this premise hilarious

edit: yes yes, i agree that 2 guys 1 fork would most likely be absolutely disgusting


Except this wasn't petty at all...


Stupid sexy Flanders.


wow thanks for proving that reddit will upvote anything related to portal 2, even if its only marginally appropriate. Yay portal 2!


That reminds me of the classic joke: "Your momma so fat that when you were little, you'd set the scale back on purpose to make her feel better. You weren't sure if it actually did, but whatever." Classic.


>As a mother of a 14 month old

&#3232;\_&#3232;


I'm so happy to hear about how this story ended.

  Truly and genuinely happy.


its dat y u were angry n riped da paper?


If this is true, this is life changing. I'm gonna go drink a litre of water cause I'm so excited to try this.

Edit: it is confirmed gentlemen, rejoice.

 https://www.reddit.com/comments/2ue91w/slug/co7por9


Crawl back into your hole, SRSer.


You should probably answer it


Day 9: Still not feeling up to my apple fanboy self. Thinking of going to Starbucks to pretend to type on my broken MacBook. I think I'm going crazy.


Woah. The story I heard growing up was that Steve was doing hard core drugs. I heard that from my mom. What a lying bitch.


Glad to see I'm not the only one disgusted by this. I see this obviously took a ton of skill, I'm sad it all went into *this*. This is fucking pathetic and whoever is responsible for this bullshit should feel ashamed of themselves.


Wii

WiiU

WiiU2

New WiiU2

New WiiU2 Ultra

New WiiU2 Ultra & Knuckles


> Yeah, I'm the kind of person who sees right through your bullshit. You've got nothing. You're an ignorant, self-important fool and are incapable of making any kind of rational argument.

The very definition of irony coming from you.


Angelina Jolie's house.


Aren't you afraid that I'm a pediaphile?


nigga do you think kanye's family's a joke


> e king of value town getting tem

I actually loled on this one. LOL


 O-----------------------O

V V V V V V V V V V V V V

/╲/\╭( ͡° ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)╮/\╱\

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^


I can't keep track of all these weird names. I'd rather watch the superbowl this weekend where they have proper American names :-)

I may be karmawhoring / circlejerking here; but Soccer is for girls, pussies and beta males ;-)

luckily I'm **alpha** :-)

God bless America for giving us pronounceable names haha :-) upvote if you agree :-)


Eating cake.  I mean spending time with my family.


this is the classic "i'm faking it and you guys are asking too detailed questions, so i'm bailing" response.


Hi disappoint! I am Dad!


I used to be STAHP, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


*"Fuck this bullshit game! I'm rich, I'll build a real motherfucking rocket and show those little green assholes! I'm going the fuck to MARS!"*

We later discover that Tesla exists because Mr. Musk got his ass kicked at *Gran Turismo* a few years back.


Doesn't really have the same dismissive effect if you aren't the person I was addressing in the first place. In fact, it's pretty random and pointless. Now when you respond "K" to this, it'll make a lot more sense, so feel free to do that.


Lamarck would be so proud.


The title literally says she 'shopped a photo for her birthday....


You put blocks on top of blocks

10/10 get it


D'oh! Let me try again...

  ▲

▲ ▲


Let's get them hooked on meth!


looks like a pitbull...should have drowned it..


Same thing with nudist colonies. I get the impression that after you get used to it, being naked doesn't make you self conscious about not being in shape, it makes you proud of how of willing you are to fully display to the world that you are *not* in shape.


Well at least you'd be able to pay your enormous hospital bill afterwards.


(reads username) LOL!


"You got 10 minutes to get ready and go."

"Yes sir."

"Who's in there with you?"

"Flores, sir."

"Make it 20."


Yeah, I would just go in, catch a fish, then go back with the sinking rod, look around for a big fish in the middle, an then put the bait right next to it.


**Assuming Direct Control**


Some would [disagree](http://www.spikelab.org/blog/osx-is-not-unix.html)


I was talking to my friend's girlfriend about space and when I called the sun a star, she got this weird look on her face and said that stars are small and the sun is big. Then when I told her that all stars are suns, just really far away, you could see her mind exploding. She also asked what squirrels are for, not sure how we ended up there, but it happened.


Im the one being followed? I got linked into a thread created about me? Are you fucking stupid?


Ayyyy BooBoo. I think I spy a pickanick basket.


Came here to say this. Fuck you OP a lot of people are losing jobs over this. More than your bitch is is spending back into your community.


GOD DAMN that brings me back to being an assistant. Getting e-mails like "Document attached - can you put the heading on page 4 in bold?"

Motherfucker, do you realize it was harder to type that than to do it yourself?


why does this have any upvotes, its a retarded question. Take a human sexuality class


American here, it ain't easy being relevant.


Hey, you're one for five on factual statements in that comment. 20% isn't great but fortunately reddit grades on a generous curve.

[](/ranbenned)


Gotta air out your taco.


***OP IS LITERALLY A FAGGOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOL!!!!!!! AM I RIGHT GUYS??????AM I DIONG THIS RITE????????LOLLLLLL***


>he was shaving her pussy with a razor that he was rinsing off in the river

[If they were making the water fishy no wonder you were fishing in it :D](http://i.imgur.com/HHREwD9.gif?1)


9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!1


So basically I'm imagining a bunch of random arguing idiots, like a town meeting in Pawnee.. only it's all real, and probably less funny. Is that close?


>Weekend gunnit is a piece of shit.


Sorry to hear that. Was talking about my ex, of course.


The vacuum between the galaxies is considered coldest.


He also acted in a Star Trek episode, [a short appearance](http://blog.blinkbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/King-Abdullah.jpg).


Don't go outside, the world is full of people like this. Its easy to spot them, they're the successful.


Hell, if you have any relationship with Monster Energy more intimate than "it is a liquid that people drink", you're probably not a person I'd enjoy the company of.


if you cut anything different for halloween you're being a pretentious faggot.


Being Irish, I prefer to go with "Atlantic Islander"


Damn, coming from IStandUpForYou makes it even worse.


I like to walk around in public with it poked out through its little zipper hole.

(I was 19 and tried my friend's tanning bed. I know, they're horrible and I suck)


k, well, after i get my radio setup and i do a test call to my brother, i'll be sure to post and say "thanks reddit ham guys for all you ivory tower bs, but i got it figure out on my own."  :-p


in all fairness the person who wrote it did warn you


Man Scarlett Johannson was hot before she got obscenely fat.


Over the span of about 8 years, I've spent between $2,600 and $3,000 on cosmetic items and VIP service for a free-to-play Korean MMO designed for 13-year-old girls.

I'm 29 years old, and I still go back to it every now and then when I need a break from work.


In Soviet Russia, hair styles you!


plz subcribe i do minecraft videos


**I JUST DRANK A LIQUID POO**


Then he's also gonna throw his back out digging her up


being poor leaves you no option haha


Now THERE's a tl;dr that'll make me read an entire wall of text!


Okay, he gets it. You can stop being pretentious now. We are all bowing in wonder of your verbal abuse. Congrats.


I need some CGI...for reasons...


LOL DA WEDITOR MAK JOKES ABUT MASTURBATION!!!! LOLOL ALL HE DOES IS MASTURBATE HIM SELFF!!!!!! LOLOL

#GOOUTSIDEFAG


OK, since this seems to be the most popular topic on my AMA, lets talk about building weird shit. YEAH BITCH, MAGNETS!.......can you see an episode with that as the title?!
So, redditors, what weird shit would you like yours truly and team to build?


The vagina is a disgusting cesspool of mucus and bacteria. She probably doesn't clean herself.


I managed to punch one once. I put some goldfish crackers on the railing of a walkway on the side of an aircraft carrier, and then crouched and waited maybe twenty seconds before one of those assholes landed, then I punched it into the bay.


Really? I think it's appropriate no one watches it.


*BARD, THE WANDERING DICK*


Sky Sports reporting also that Berbatov will be sitting on the bench for at least 4 weeks.


Yeah.  Will Smith would make a lot of jokes on the color of her skin. Like. "No one's going to believe you're the mother to these kids, you're too dark"


i duno... she looks too old to have a normal transition.  If you are going to adopt, snag them young or you will deal with a behavioral nightmare


Coke...porn...he's..he's banging his mom dude. Sick! The bad kind of sick.


> Some dogs die from this

Some don't. Get the fuck outta here.


I know this is a joke but I would seriously ruin my life to get revenge for my pet


> could be potentially solved through tighter regulations and more funding.

Yeah, it could be, and pigs may fly too.

> That's not a girl. It's a little boy

Egg on my face, though I did read the articles a long time ago. It's been months since I had though.


That would be the greatest moment in NFL history.

Edit: thanks for the gold, fellow!


LEMON KEY FACE AMIRITE?!


I got gold in /r/firearms, I think the comment hit 25 karma. And in contrast to this, /r/guns pretty much hates everyone and everything.


I have watched exactly zero of it.  If you aren't testing the athletic prowess of the human, though, it shouldn't be an Olympic competition.


I tried it once. Never again.


Says the emasculated hipster who doesn't watch football.  Stop ruining the game, no one forces these guys to play and make millions.


Don't tell me how to live my life! *scurries under rock*


Wow wtf really? And they let him act like a bitch? Will he get any kind of warning for this


I like my women like I like my nutsack. Pale, wrinkly, and saggy.

Wait, that doesn't sound right.


I'm not going to lie either, fuck America.

edit: scumbag american reddit hive complains about their country 24/7, down votes someone that says fuck america


As well as a significant other if you are into that sort of thing...


Sometimes people drive drunk. Is it incredibly fucking stupid? Yes. Is it a widespread problem, especially in the southern states? Yes. I don't do it very often, this was just one of the bad nights.


A dictator's dream: everyone is declared guilty by default, and you just get to decide who gets prosecuted for their "lawful" punishment.


He's not being caring.  But the other stuff is accurate.


Well you see they use me in many experimental machines, I can power a whole town, you can't even power these beans. I'm the pure isotope and you're viewed through a telescope. Hold on, wait a minute, I think I need a microscope.

Bitch.


wtf you're supposed to tip cab drivers now?

I tip waiters that's about it


Congratulations, You have passed the test. You may Procreate.


pointing out that Republicans are lying is not bashing Republicans.  i am deeply concerned about the pain and suffering caused by torture.  also the more we openly support torture the harder it is to prevent torture around the world.


Do you frequently jump the gun and make wild accusations before properly acclimating yourself with the situation at hand? One could conclude that you posess underlying anger issues that if gone unchecked, could plague your future. If ridding yourself of the anger monkey that is knocking at your door is a priority, I can assist you. You don't have to do this alone, my door is always open.


Any sex feels good at a very basic level. You're talking bullshit.

Also, if you honestly think dying a blood death is no different than having sex, let's see you kill yourself. Stand behind your claim.


OP means with unabashed, jealous awe. It isn't easy being the biggest country in the States but we handle it like the natural born badasses we are.


Coming out of lurking for this

>what_about_the_menz.jpg

And why does SRD deny being SRS again? Honestly. Comments like this only reinforce the opinion that SRD is a shithole like SRS.


Yeah, we took him boating once, and we saw a blue whale out in the distance, to be honest his face was hilarious when he heard it, it was a mixture of: what the fuck was that, and holy shit that's awesome.


Seriously.  At this point who doesn't know who star lord is?


Mostly gravity. The center of gravity is pretty low for the booster, as all the engines and residual propellant is at the bottom.

We are going to weld steel shoes over the landing feet as a precautionary measure.


what do you mean reporting?  this is an image that has been cross posted to /r/pics.  what is it that you are confused about?


Worked great until the obligatory mailed home report card for failing a term came in and there were discrepancies between it and what I'd been showing my parents all year. Parents were livid, but they weren't the type of folks to rat me out to the school. It would have just been more trouble for them anyway.


A;LSERO SOU93N LSD S OURXZ!~!//


Samaritan found dead in a swamp with his organs removed and replaced with newspaper. Local authorities have ruled it a suicide.


No. What's even the point of posting this now anyway? What happened to not announcing it until a safer time so as not to make yourself even more miserable should something untoward happen.

There's such a thing as oversharing and this is a prime example. Do we need to see her piss covered proof of her embryo? No. A nice self post would suffice and I don't have to see this nasty thing.


Is it just me or were Dad Dicks in the 90's way bigger?


Just to start off as I was in the same boat recently - look up any and all dental schools nearby and call them. Call any numbers you can find, and ask about free/cheap dental work they have spots every year for volunteers to come in for practice for the students.


Zack does an AMA.  That would be an epic shit show.  I want to see that.


Wow seems like a really polite, respectful manipulative whore. Waits until you "find" her to come clean. I wonder how many cocks this  bitch has sucked behind Johnny's back. I guess we'll never know unless we catch her and then she'll have a surprise to make it all better!


Typical holocaust denier denier.


Yeah because a dogs life is the same value as my life? Fuck off. Let the people handle their own dog.


>Nah, you're BATMAN

FTFY


Jesus. That "Crazy Silly Love" movie was garbage You need to get over it.