tell me more about how you are always finding videos of kids jerking off online


> my boyfriend is 17 years older than me.

That's fucking disgusting.


A lot of people don't realize just how bad the Belgian Congo was.

Oh you're too sick to work? I'll cut off your hand to motivate you! Or you can't work cause you're missing your hand? We'll then we'll just burn down your entire village.


I used to use pony tail butt plugs, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


It's true that he wouldnt brag about his car, but he would have a Honda. Jesus does not speak of his own Accord.


yeah look into it whatever get the fuck out


They certainly do it on the field


This is... Really not CC on how I did my makeup


The concierge was probably sleeping with her.


Buying someone a pizza is nice and all but... what kind of fucker doesn't ask someone what they want on their pizza before buying them a pizza?

*Edit:* I think I'm actually proud of these downvotes. I don't think I've ever had so many at once before. I'd like to thank my mother, and my father, and my brother, who never believed in me.


Also anytime someone refers to copying a file to a thumb drive as "downloading".

Double negative points if this action is accompanied by a progress bar that takes up a 3rd of the screen.


Please go out and volunteer for little kids or others in need


I'm confused at why you took my title so literally.


There literally does not need to be any other comments than this one.


This is a LIVE GIF! LOLOLOL!!!

**#YOLO!!!!!!!!**


khaleesi's titties.


I am pretty sure that my "badass level" is a lot higher than yours. Have you gone through BUD/S training? Probably not.


> "911, what's your emergency?"

> "Yes, hello 911? There's a black m-

> "Officers are enroute."

FTFY


It's bold, but I got used to it pretty quickly.

EDIT: Hey thanks for all the downvotes. I got lots of karma. Bring it on.


The other 9 gave up trying to find it.


No, let the prick collect downvotes. He just got a few from me.


You're not the only one. I can feel it coming in the air tonight. Oh lord.


Did you get it in the butt?


I'd have to stay in there just to pay that damn bill


Sometimes, yes, and I like things explained to me with logic. It's the Spock in me.


Laugh loudly, turn 180 degrees and run.


##zehahahahahahahahahaha


Fuckin baller shit right there. Good on the guy.


http://dockersunion.net/vb/showthread.php?394-American-Holocaust-7.5-million-die-in-the-Great-Depression

Get educated.

And while not a true dictator, he damn sure tried as hard as he could to become one. Thankfully the Supreme Court shut him down.


This is the answer neckbeards didnt want to hear

Edit: oh great. Now donkeydick's comment got gold. Why live?


But he totally succeeded at life.


*Two* loaves of bread.


Posting anything on reddit is a bad idea. I just do it because I don't give a fuck sometimes.


Hey! We Polish aren't fat!

edit: Thanks Stranger! You've popped my gilded cherry.


This is the royal "My". Poetic license and all that, chaps. I'm simply putting words in the mouth of the young lady with the remote control. I apologize for the confusion. (Wow! Sooooo many downvotes. It makes me happy, in a way.)


About time they learned how to dance.


how original! ...not. -_-;;;;

fuckin portaldweebs are so predictable, no offense...


As opposed to a Finnish bus stop:http://i.imgur.com/FkrS2Sc.jpg


He's black, it's a little impressive.


TIL having a kid is like when the firenation attacks.


I'm sorry I was trying to read anything you're saying but your head is so far up your own ass all your words sounded like a long, obnoxious fart. Please come back when you've learned humility.


You mean the one that's impossible to open without scissors?


The person you replied to is not, and never was OP. OP created the thread.


The OP that couldn't stop delivering.

edit:
Gold? You are being far far too kind.


These guys are just a bunch of downvoting faggots


Then sleep during the day.


 |A|B|C|D|E|F|G|H
:---:|:---:|:---:|:---:|:---:|:---:|:---:|:---:|:---:
**1**|♖|♘|♗|♕|♔|♗|♘|♖
**2**|♙|♙|♙|♙|♙|♙|♙|♙
**3**|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢
**4**|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢
**5**|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢
**6**|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢
**7**|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢
**8**|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢|▢

I win!


When people mix up "your" and "you're."

Bonus:
"Wow, thanks for the gold, kind stranger!"


Oh really /u/rastadude21? Why don't you put down the spliff and sober up before you make another played out crap meme joke. (hint: try making puns with puts on sunglasses meme dum dum)


I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy.


lol the caek is a lie xd!


I have Google Fiber, my internet is just faster


LOL a woman on reddit? that's so lame. go back to the kitchen wench xD amirite guys???

Le Edit 1: Dumb feminists think they can keep me down. You women who escaped from the kitchen are just downboating cause your mad that im right and your dumb.


Let's all just mull that answer over for a bit.


Iwanttostickmydickintopandorasboxandfillittothebrimwithmystinkingseman.


I guess your wife is not used to getting wet


you would have pissed yourself over a paper cutout....
best you stay inside where it's safe...


Probably with Poland.


First reddit post. Wanna see the downvotes rolling... Been lurking for months.


Will you give me two kids if I pick ugly ones?


STRUTTIN AROUND THIS CLUB, GETTIN DRANKS FROM GUIDOS

Edit: Damn - kids is -180karma not enough for you? I've been here for 2 years - I get it. I fucked up. My bad.

*...wallows in sorrow over they're...*


For bonus points, blast off inside them before eating them out.

Not about to lose those gains.


hey, I'm 15 days old, how am I supposed to know about everything that's been posted since the begining of time?
I see old as rock stuff that get upvoted and laughed on because you guys never saw it.  Besides, someone was asking for source and instead of contributing and actually telling people (because clearly he didn't know) he gets his condescendence on... fuck that!


"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth"  -  Albert Einstein


Hold on! ......Dammit, time machine won't start. DOES ANY ONE HAVE A ROD OF PLUTONIUM?


What's the difference between a rose and a Porsche? The rose has pricks on the outside.


Wrong, wrong, shitthatneverhappened.txt, tonepolicing.txt

Read the faq in the sidebar on tone policing.

Your hypotheticals are merely that, shit you thought up. I can just as easily change the reactions and frame it as being just as legitimate.


> Baby powder is made of very finely ground babies

... after they've extracted the baby-oil


9/11 Never happened and the "twin towers" never existed. I don't know what kind of crazy dope you're all smoking. GET WITH IT.


All about the ssd bro


I'm not gonna call someone. I don't really care about someone else's dog. It's his dog. He wants it to die then that's fine by me. If I see someone BBQ-ing a pig I don't go in their yard and threaten to call the cops.


Omg for some reason I think that's absolutely adorable. A cute, little old Asian lady trying to fight a lobster.


I used to play at my house, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I don't get it when people act like only white people are racist. That itself is racist.


>She

You can't be a woman with a penis. This guy win competitions for girls and I hate him for cheating like that.

He's not even good and hasn't a great personality. He's literally a faggot. Nothing else.


ARE YOU FUCKING THANK YOU???

*Edit: Sorry for the gold!*


Uhhh... Science is gay!


I do this but then never actually have the conversation because in my head I already did.


It would be nice if they actually attempted hostile takeovers of reddit subs they thought objectionable and encouraged users to do the same... instead of "Don't touch the poop!  We'll just circlejerk here about it is all."

I think SRS is frankly **far too tame** and well-behaved.

Edit:  Lol, so mad.


>That's not the "dickish" part.

The whole fucking story is dickish parts piled on top of dickish parts till you have a dickish fort.


I used to say that it was time well spent, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


This is what true love looks like.


I help my cat as soon as it's in trouble, I don't take photos of it. But then again, I actually love my cat.

*edit* Apparently a lot of people don't like someone loving their cat. Well done Cat subreddit.


You took control of your life and turned things around. To me that is a story you can be proud of.


Anatomically female? This person is missing three things that an anatomically correct female absolutely should have.


Holy shit, that's genius


I used to make shitty comments like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee!!!

EDIT: Downvotes, really?


>He looks up to you, you know

My mom always said this too. A couple years ago I asked my brother if this was true.

"No way dude, You were a dick."


texting seems pretty inoccous? does the light bother people that much?


"Glow pear" is probably towards the more abstract side of things anyway.


Americans are stereotyped as showing a large amount of interest in trite and petty things.


So does New England have any decent Enforcers? I want my money back if I don't see a fistfight.

EDIT: Goddamnit. You have to be kidding me.


I'm sorry, you lost me when I stopped giving a shit about your opinion.


Don't forget the smart, attractive people were also super athletic.


Not at all, women are hard to get off, and need all the help they can get; guys just want to see what it's like to fuck their favorite porn star.


Dwarves and elves were never meant to be

Edit: spelling


Then it can't be real, b/c black people aren't that clever.


i don't play games at all. i only play physical games but i cannot tell you any details...


GOO GOO MOMMYYY WHY ID DA WEDDIT ????????????? I WANA GO TO DA PWOLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Side note:

On Alien Blue, touch a comment with 2 fingers at once to upvote it!


*insert -bitch- baby crying*


If he gets a cat, they can make 9 sequels.


No.  Look at me look at me I got a bj.  Did you even read the post or did you just come on here to be a douche?


It's real footage of a real guy in a real Bigfoot suit, there's nothing fake about it.


Why don't they just hit back?


sqrt(-1)

3x10^8

Js^-1

1.661x10^-27 kg

did there


Thanks, Captain Obvious!


I feel like you'd like India a lot. Plenty of personal space there. [Here's an Indian queue,](http://i.imgur.com/NJvOWVd.jpg) in case you want to see. Nice and spacious.


That's so ridiculous. You do realize that you just made yourself sound like the dumbest person on the planet, right? You're comparing apples and oranges.

**EDIT** Oooo, downvotes from the hivemind. PILE ON THE FAT KID! So fucking typical.


Why did you tell us that, why did I read it. Why.


You have made my day sir. Good show.


There's no car in the story. Steve just likes throwing keys at people. It's intimidating.


I'm still far too bitter about Community. I won't watch anything he puts out from now on. Even if he went back to Community, it lost its mojo, got ditched to a 3rd rate channel... Community is dead.

EDIT: Wow, -70... My most downvoted post ever.. I'm amazed nobody has bought me 'reddit shit'


Doesn't matter, had Chex.


Typical and predictable.

Fuck you, asshole.


> And on Friday, the Obama administration paid $385,000 to settle a lawsuit from [...] an American citizen who was arrested in 2003, imprisoned for 16 days, repeatedly strip searched and left naked in his cell. [...] on the grounds that he was a potential witness in a terrorism case.

Now imagine what they do with actual suspects, instead of just a potential witness.


I misunderstood nothing.  You harassed a user.  We've had a number of complaints about you.  Now they'll see you coming.


You know Ranjit? That motor boatin' son of a bitch!


Is it so shocking that not everyone who does an AMA will be kowtowing to the majesty of the hivemind? Seriously.


HOLY SHIT. STOP. STOP IT.

I knew this day would come. Look, I'm the real "US".

YOU'RE the clone


Assange is a terrorist and I think the US would be completely justified making him a primary target for the next wave of drone strikes.

Not sure why reddit supports terrorism and the blatant exposure of US state secrets. Terrorism should not be tolerated.


I do have the right equipment. I call it a house.


hehehehehehehe I did Nazi that coming XD!


In a thread full of horryfying and cruel shit, your response about a cute and nice little coincidence is the most beautiful thing I've ever read, like a solitary ray of light shining down a well filled with shit.

Brought a tear to my eye.


No wonder this sub has so few actually creepy posts. Whenever something (that's not even anything remotely creepy) out of your (extremely tiny) comfort zone is uploaded, people keep repeating "fuck fuck and oh im so scared". Pisses OPs off. Don't fucking complain when there's nothing creepy it's all your own fault for this shit.


wait.. does that dude fly away? Am I seeing shit?


You know what, my bad. She's a naturally talented artist... so I could have believed that she did it.


found him in the bedding area, don't worry


and the bot's name is [tweet_poster](http://www.reddit.com/user/tweet_poster)


He saved the loony tunes


funny pics,video and comics [here](http://allin1dot.com)


The scientist in me would think that was awesome. But that's also a little gross.


It probably is, but I didn't know he was that good of satirist.

I can't scream that loud even when I'm angry.

EDIT: COME ON YOU FUCKIN STANS! WE'RE AT -180! LETS SEE IF YOU CAN GET TO -300!


Was not expecting to see this. Was not expecting to agree.


Or they will die and it will be forgotten. Happens all the time.


Guy: "I can explain!"

Girl: * runs off without hearing the explanation *


lol way to get maddy about ur shitty joke

weh weh daddy sumbuddy sed my brazzers joke sux


I have a feeling she missed a big opportunity to become a hitman/hitwoman.


No, disgusting of men to turn women into sex objects and evaluate them on the basis of bodyparts instead of the contents of their character.


Ever since I've take up martial arts, I haven't had to.


>le Serves him right

FTFY xD


Plot twist: he's actually triplets.


Well the last time it happened was for expressing my disinterest in the show It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

I think by doing something wrong you must mean not conforming to the rest of Reddit.


Tried that, ended sleeping on the floor in front of it after turning it off.


We worked it out, thread is approved. [See here](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/syfdt/i_am_scott_bradlee_two_months_ago_i_turned_your/c4i0zo8)


That sounds like an irrational thing to do.


So glad to downvote you!


and is a cardboard cutout


Are you dumb it was kind of obvious


I bet it was on one of those disgusting websites. But which one? There are so many.


>And **that's** why I'm a gamer.

FTFY


Darn, the nightgown was merely a distraction to deter me from getting the slippers. She may be 84 but she's still a conniving little shit.
EDIT: Never thought I would get gold from calling Nana a conniving little shit.


I used to be creepy, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


"So are you one of the indians with the dot or one with the feather? "

"...I'm Chinese sir"


Thanks for your helpful and constructive comment, people like you are why i lost interest in dota.


Ahh, the clopening shift.  My favorite.


And you are what? A classic exemple of centered, polite, converstive individual? Looks so.

I'm a 29 years old neurologist, if you care. I'm not writing this because I'm driven by anger, but rather because I'm filled with disgust from bigoted views.

And I will speak of my atheism as much as I please, because I have the fucking right to do so. I don't give a fuck if you are offended.


I was too weird for the normal kids, but too normal for the weird kids


But I always piss on my parents when they don't buy me stuff


That kid was totally down with the Sikhness.


This and finding out I'm 3 inches above average has really been helping my confidence today.


The expanded version:

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

To hide in cherry trees.

The response is usually along the lines of how an elephant can't hide in a cherry tree.

You respond "Well, have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?"

They will respond that they haven't, and you will reply "The nail polish must be working then."

Works great for little kids.


> so many people *poring* over what little info you have

Spelling fairy to the rescue : )

**Edit:** Those who downvoted this comment are fucking retards.


checkmate feminists

EDIT: whelp I'm no longer a gold virgin... thanks whoever gave that to me.


DA FATTIE LADIE WEDDITOR SHUDN'T HAVE DONE IT CAWSE NOBODY WANTS TO MAKE DA SEXY TYME WIT DA FATTIE MONSTAS!!!!!!!!!!!!! DA OP WILL DYED ALONE AND FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LE GOO GA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I wish you the best. Live to 150 or die trying.


We get it, it's a quote from the movie

Edit: Seriously though people, how many times are we gunna upvote the exact same quotes from the exact same movies? The responses to a thread like this should be inspiring conversations about the actual link itself, not lazily repeating the most commonly quoted lines from the film.


The buddhist pulls out a gun. "Whoa," the vendor exclaims. "I thought you guys were about inner peace!"

The buddhist replies, "This is my inner piece."


Read my OP. This has nothing do with karma.


This should be made into a movie called The Brown Mile.


oh, stop stressing this everytime someone cheats.


Yeah, a break, while you type this AMA.


If you like i could tell you how to get a hold of this person on an off reddit venue and you can ask them yourself if they were ever accused of anything like that.

Not that you care or will ever take me up on the offer, ive offered this multiple times now.


Equal rights get equal lefts.


So true.

EDIT: Obligatory THANKS FOR THE GOLD!  And the downvotes!


Age definitely a factor.


I fail to see the point? :)


There goes my dream of seeing dinosaurs, though I must say, I was not expecting the lens size to be the defining factor.

 Amazing answer thanks a lot.


What's your point? If you're not an A-student who spread the word of God, police have a right to shoot and kill you? Do we need to carry our school report cards and Bibles with us to prevent cops from killing us?

Edit: Looks like all the racists are downvoting me.


SHOO SHOO GAINZ GOBLIN


Fuck you. If someone at work would come in and be like "sup, motherfuckers, check it, I won this shit and it cost me nothing. So I need all y'all motherfuckers to cover my ass so I can go out and have fun, while you stay at work like little bitches", provided that it is worded differently, but the sentiment is the same, I would not cover that.


The whitest name in the blackest continent.


So at redditor's meetup, one shouldn't bring up major issue inside reddit? Got it!

I think we should have a talking points memo for the next one.

EDIT: And I'm a hipster, too, now? You'll have to explain that insult to me. Sometimes I'm not good puzzling out smarm.


I'm a man. A burly, manly man at that, and I only use women's deodorant. Secret Jasmine to be exact. I find that it doesn't clump in my pit hair at all  even though I use the same numer of swipes as I would with men's product, and it doesn't leave stains on my button down shirts...plus I smell pretty as fuck!


Wow, what a sad, sad country.


As a German my first thought was: "Where should I start?"


Dude in the pic is WAY fatter. Shitty work!


Act like it was on purpose, eat the lid, assert dominance, get hunnies.


As someone who is about to graduate with a bachelors in Philosophy, religious 'belief' or what some call 'faith' is fucking stupid.


Like the weird suave black guy baby who complains about mimes? that voice pisses me off unnaturally.

Edit: My highest rated comment is about suave black guy babies.


And seriously. PS4 games don't do 60FPS right /r/pcmasterrace. That's the real cringe here ;-)


Walking through tall grass? **A wild Boner appears!**


How does "Thanks" have 87 upvotes. This site, I'll tell ya.


What a wonderfully American simile.


This is exactly right xD


It might be in poor taste but... how long did you spend on the upper lip?


Momma always said life is like an amphora of fish sauce, you never know what you're gonna get.


says the asshole with no link karma. Good day sir.


You just described a cat


Not sure if you're stupid or trolling.


and/or college student


MY DADDDY TWOLD ME DAT MY MOMMYY HAD DA SECK WIT A NIGGER AND DAT ID WHY MY SKIN IS BWACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT I HAD DA SMALL PEE PEE GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I wish she would've acted all slutty and nude with the long brown hair


what the fuck? noone is impressed you called someone a fine sir faggot. jesus christ this isn't middle earth you nerds
EDIT: downvotes? fuck you're misoginisem reddit this is rediculous
EDI


"I see here you have described yourself as a poly-blend goose down, which I found rather odd. So I did a little calling around... *(clears throat, drinks water from phantom glass, eyes never leaving the pillow)* ...You want to talk about your Egyptian cotton background and stop wasting my time, you foam rubber fraudster?"


Not to sound insensitive but why not just flush it down a toilet?


That's exactly what I was thinking. Just be ahead of them a little bit, walk in circles and keep your eye on him. Also take the route that has the snacks so you stay awake and ready.

Edit: Suddenly I'm starting to dislike my theory and like all the other ones.


I think you figured you'd try to discredit what I was saying by asking me to provide evidence for a thread that happened more than a year ago. Your passive aggression knows no bounds.


Long strokes to get the ink going help with this a lot.

*My first gold, thank you! I've [credited the above knowledge](http://imgur.com/CIC9dLR) to wikipedia.*


Safe Space doesn't mean you can say whatever you want. Where did you get that idea?

edit: Oh wait, you're kwikshot, that dude that said [Laurelai's rapist was a better person than her](/trigger)


In an iron skillet, over a fire of oak at your cabin.


I used to think that shooting spiders out of a gun was the sole reason napalm was invented, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I am pretty convinced too. I think the only questionable letter is the N because there is an unexplained vertical line. But look at this overlay (reversed):
http://i.imgur.com/Ofm3s

edit: Did the same thing with the daytime photo. It was much more straight-on so I didn't need to skew the sample of the VA DMV site at all. Just straight copy and paste.
http://imgur.com/cpPO9


Which is why he got up to complain?


"I know you better than you know yourself."

"You never had a camera in my head!"

"No, but I've had my hand up your ass for your entire life."


Drake the type of nigga to get 3 stars in Grand Theft Auto and exit his vehicle peacefully to let the police kill him.


Looks like he has no choice. I see a gun on the left side of the screen.


I'd take the one fresh out of the package, do I look like a fucking pleb to you!?


Even if its a drawing of a spoiler of Game of throne?

Edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger!


I think it's the chick whose face invaded every Android app in existence for like two months straight in an attempt to get people to play that stupid Game of War game.


What did your husband think?


Fast? Since when is 6 months to issue an update considered fast in the tech world. Clearly this fucking "developer" doesn't know shit and neither do you. #dafuckouttahere


I can't stand pooping because it'd go all down my legs.

/edit

My top comment is about pooping. I hope my mother is proud of me


She already gave up her teeth for her last son.


There's no way this happened.

If you're *really* a convincing speaker, you could've gotten two hamburgers out of it.


How is that unfortunate? Rapist or not, he is still the father.

EDIT: Oh hi SRD! I thought you guys might show up. It seems I'm not able to join you over there so I'll have to use my main account.


TIL getting Reddit gold means not being good in bed :(

Edit: Thanks for the gold, my ex-girlfriend would be so proud.


We eat them. We obviously don't treat them well anyway so what's the difference.


Good on him. You really realize how much your parents do for you once you get older and look back. Hope you're better off now, bud.


Well, everything happens for a reason. YOLO.


Dick game so strong, got bitches digivolving and shit


Wow, a black guy staying with his kid for more than 3 weeks. I'm shocked!


No, really op. You have to fucking elaborate here.


No there will not be any men attending. The purpose of the meetings is to provide a safe space for rational feminists to discuss issues, share recent oppressions and exchange ideas. For this reason it is important that it remain an all female environment.


More like "Beef Strokin' Off", AMIRITE?!


We don't ban people for not asking questions. That's not why S_W was banned.


It was actually the opposite. Tuesday was chosen so that farmers could get into town to vote without serverly interfering with their schedules. However, today that's no longer needed and nobody's bothered to change it.


We already knew that he was posting botchweed content.  The user in question was just wasting everyone's time whining about it.  I'm not saying Skeona should have done what he did, but there are ways to address that without storming all over reddit about it.


yeah even though they get bad checks.


He actually didnt put the punch line


> with no restriction where U.S. forces could pursue the threat.

Well that's terrifying as fuck.


Like most of the women posted on this website she is extremely unattractive.

EDIT: Your downvotes do not affect reality :)


God, I wish you had hired him ... Who knows what other shenanigans he had up his sleeve.


Can confirm, I have a [Confederate flag](http://puu.sh/gwZOS/f264b18506.jpg) in my house and one on my truck.
I live in Alberta btw.


Because he fapped to it, felt guilty, and wanted someone else to feel worse about the whole situation.

Edit: leave to reddit to make my top post about creepy incest.


Wasn't that funny man.

e: for every downvote, I'll donate $1 to the Kick a Puppy Foundation. Your move reddit.


Meet my eye line, Jim!


I'm sorry but as you've persisted in spreading false information and pretended that misandry is real you're no longer elligible for entry to TEST under this reddit account. TEST is a feminist safe space and misogynists such as yourself are not welcome.


Wow. It's definitely different. I remember shaking every hand and taking every picture, then seeing my wife and kids sad because I was out with them, but spent no time with them. I had to set boundaries. I love being famous and all the fans, but my wife and kids need Terry the husband, Terry the Dad. Terry the Star has no place at home.


That's the real bitch. The tin can I've been using will have to do a little longer.


I don't know if this has anything to do with gender, but sometimes I will just let people think I don't know something that they also don't know just because it's easier than explaining it to them. I don't want to seem like a know it all and I can't stand the sound of my own voice in those situations. Also I'm lazy.


Fuck, I would definitely rather be dead than cause people such revulsion with my appearance.


Hunting and farming are both difficult.  Yawn.

I stopped laughing at vegetarian jokes when I realized how similar a humans teeth are to a horses, and that horses, which are quite large, get by just fine without meat. And I like apples. And steak gets stuck in my teeth and hurts my gums for days.


Agreed. If they were just anti fat-shaming, I'd be on board. However, fat acceptance activists like to cherry-pick medical studies and downplay the serious health effects associated with obesity, which is messed up.


Actually large people aren't that dumb and some of the smartest people I've met are big


That means for every 11 days of your life you spent 1 full day on that character since wow came out. Jesus


Uhhh... I doubt it, ha ha

Even if a monkey did try and attack me with a spear, I'd just shoot it in the fuckin face.

I'm a hunter, so... monkey may be able to use a spear but he's still too stupid to know which humans to try and fuck with.

Me= not a good human to choose to fuck with. Monkey threatens me= dead fuckin monkey.

Any Questions?


"We don't drink and fuck, so neither can you."

Woman's Christian Temperance Union


seriously is down voting all you can do?  I'd love to see you post something in this sub.  Do it.  You only like comics that everyone already likes because you have no sense of humor.


It is either

*"What are we paying you for anyway? Everything works!"*

or

*"What are we paying you for anyway? Nothing works!"*

&nbsp;
Edit: *Thanks for the Gold*


Came here to say that!


Would not want to work there if that was their attitude. Time off? Nope. Pay rise? Nope. Safety gear where necessary? Nope. If they're not willing to equip you for the job properly in the interview you can put money on 'em not looking after you when you've joined.


This should have gold.  I have no gold to give.  But you can have my pretend gold.


It's people like you driving down the wages for the rest of us!


Oh, I'm fully aware of the real reasoning behind St. Peter's cross. That's why I find it so funny that people who aren't well-educated in religion think that it is an anti-religious or anti-Christian symbol.


That's a sweet story.


I used to have a kitten that was so fluffy I thought it was actually going to kill me when it jumped on my face, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


Yeah, he wasn't always successful at abstaining.  True wisdom would have been to remove yourself from temptation, he knew exactly what he was doing.


There's zero reason the Google CEO need a private plane either. Anyone who thinks it's wrong for this guy to buy a plane but it's OK for other CEOs is a huge hypocrite. His business isn't built on the idea of being frugal. No one who donates expects him to eat Ramen noodles. He's not lying to his customers, what the fuck is the problem?


> I have countdowns for everything, it sometimes gets me in trouble.

\- Wasted_Thyme

http://i.imgur.com/daPYiv3.gifv


Please take a little off the top...


Still not as embarrassing as when I tried to buy condoms using the self-checkout in Tesco earlier and the machine said "unexpected item in the bagging area".


>Einstein's

Adjoining an "s" to the end of a words sans apostrophe as you have done above is used for pluralization,whereas I inferred from context that you instead intended to use the word in a possessive form, in which case you should have inserted an apostrophe between the end of the word and the auxiliary "s".


"yeah, the address is top-right-corner-to-bottom-left-corner-to-middle-right-side-to-top-left-corner Main street"


They got married, and we're devastating his marriage right now by pointing out the obvious.


GS is not a critique, just FUN!


The irony here is that anything apple beats anything windows out of the park.


The number one safety rule on the road: Be predictable.

Stopping randomly when you have the right of way is the opposite of that.


Hahah B=====D u made a penis.  Ok I have the maturity of a 12 yr old boy I can't be gne only one who found this amusing


Why THE FUCK would you remove that?


>I'm sure that they'd be over the moon to hear that he had a happy life online

Wow.


Hello waiting

Edit: Whoah! Rip inbox & my comment karma went from 191 to 2.8k


**AS KING OF REDDIT, I COMMAND THAT EVERYONE WHO REPLIES TO THE ABOVE COMMENT EXCEPT FOR ME BE DOWNVOTED INTO OBLIVION**


I like my women like I like my excel data

Trimmed


So glad she's gone you stupid faggot, too bad you weren't in the car too.


I'm cracking up at both of you.


*achoo!* Sorry, I guess I'm allergic to bullshit.

EDIT: OP delivered! Thank you, Radials. You are a nice person. **I am sorry** for acting the way that I did.


Pakistani here, there are 'begging mafias' that operate over here. That woman was probably part of a gang that used a different baby everyday. They also drug the kids with cough syrup, opium or heroin to put them to sleep... sometimes the kid ends up dead.

Fuck Karachi anyway. Its chaotic, overcrowded, violent and dirty.

Edit: well this is my most upvoted comment ever.


3????  You are one sick fuck.  For your own sake but more for any other children who may be around I suggest you extend your "therapy" and maybe look for another doctor because you still aren't right in the head.


Can't emphasize this enough. You don't have to speak in glowing terms about your previous or current employer, but have some tact about what you say. The phrase *I don't like the direction the company/department is heading* is a great way to diplomatically say *the company is run by morons and I want to get out as soon as possible.*


yeah but i want more people to see the genius


Ah yes, the four cardinal directions: northwest, southwest, eastwest, and westwest.


Thanks for the source.  Please don't call it 'sauce', because, lame.


Rule #1 for IT guys: Don't become your families IT Guy.

You can never do something right, and it's always your fault, from that point on.


You were both at 32 points. Voted for both to keep it even.


Does anyone get these in their feet when they orgasm sometimes?


Fuck off then this isn't intended for you.  You don't know shit about comedy.


Never have I hit the back button in such desperation.  One view was more than sufficient to make my mouth open and my testicles retract.


I used to beat diablo on hc inferno, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Hahaha that's a GREAT idea, and I've already started drinking his beer so I might as well see it through! :)

[ http://i.imgur.com/ztSUSiP.jpg](
http://i.imgur.com/ztSUSiP.jpg)


If this is true, which I doubt, then you did a shitty job of raising your kid if you used that sort of language around a 1 year old.


The joke was on you. We were.


NSFL to me, actually. I have a very weak foundation, you see...

edit: okay guys, it's not NSFL to me and I don't have a weak foundation.. I should have agreed with you.. your opinion is mine too, since nothing is subjective. Thanks for teaching me. hahahaha


I do this.
Get a robe, its like a whole body towel.


I'm not proud of it but I have definitely used this to my advantage


I was bullied when I was in middle school which lead me to taking up Tae Kwon Do at a young age. I loved martial arts and competing so MMA was just a natural progression.


Pretty common misconception. Most states were on their way to banning slavery anyway, it was about state's rights.


Must've been some good pussy


in 4 months. you've been redditing for 2 years and i have over half your karma. SPEED UP THERE HOTSHOT


None of that is your fault. When you saw all that blood, you went into shock and fainted. You're not responsible for that.


Hard to down vote chuck testa


"ayy lmao" - Adolf Hitler


Veiny Victor, on Amazon.  She has 'him' stuck to an ornamental framed mirror, or at least the photographer does.

Wife starts with Rebellious Ryan in the tub to take out what I call her tight pussy's 'teeth'.  I'm built like Victor, so after she does that, I get a smooth ride rather than a fight to get inside.


This is almost as bad as the Comcast-Time Warner merger. Almost.


I can confirm this. I just finished licking my load off her shitbox. Tastes grrrreat!


It's an unflinching narrative that talks about a wide variety of social issues involving screen play writing. It also has an ensemble cast of multicultural people mostly from Africa and Southeast Asia but it's set in kansas city.


I don't care about the fucking karma. What I care about is understanding why the fuck some unutterable little shitstick would think my really innocuous post merited a downvote. I'm trying to get a handle on the mentally ill, you know? Now are you going to help me with that or are you going to shut the fuck up and give this post a much more understandable downvote, you nasty little cunt?


I don't care what anybody says, I'm putting a smiley face on my fucking Sun damnit.


Hey bro my apologies I just realized how I sounded.  I got real fucked up late night and I'm still burning.  Its no excuse but we are cool right? It won't happen again bro.


Just make sure the Velociraptors are safely locked in their enclosure.


Since this is Reddit, fully expected to come and find this comment unironically upvoted by basement dwelling teen turds who've never had a job.


We new he had heavy hands so the plan was to wrestle him but he stood so close in front of me so I just hit him until he went down.


You were both at 32 points. Voted for both to keep it even.


*plunges into everlasting winter*


Please people he may not have created the smartphone nor tablet, but let us be honest without Apple we would not have seen those things for a long time. It is the same with the retina display on the MacBook.


I remember back before DLCs I would buy every skin in the game by buying the game.


No, dogs gross.

Would kill it with a shovel if it came on my property.


I was at a carnival with my boyfriend at the time. He had just won a stuffed animal for me playing some sideshow game. The carny working the game looks to me and says, *"Well, now you have to give him a kiss!"* So I kiss him all sloppy like, turn to the carny and say, *"You're a pretty fucked up guy telling me to kiss my brother like that."*


Just go away - creeper. Perhaps that is why you got banned, or perhaps for your doxxing of SRSers. You were creepy because you cared too much about my personal life, of course we have discussed this at length and I have been vindicated because your behavior on reddit has caused you to be banned.


Jackie was fine. Jackie got around. Meg? Not so much.


When does the narwhal bacon....nobody gives a shit!!


good job op did you have sex?


I used to use good weapons, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I am glorious leader of best Korea! Ask me anything!! ^^^if ^^^you ^^^want ^^^to ^^^be ^^^^thrown ^^^^^into ^^^^^^workcamp


Somehow you made it through. You were the chosen one. The rest of were not so lucky. Please, tell my kids that I love them.


"welcome to steam.com

Steam.com is the former home of Steam Tunnel Operations.

This domain is not for sale."

WELL FUCK YOU TOO THEN


I couldn't resist myself and posted a text in their sub. I don't fear down votes but couldn't resist to post banter at their sub!


numb your mouth with chloraseptic first


But he wasn't a dick about it and kept to himself.

That's our entire point.

Be a psycho wackjob and keep it to yourself. Else you are fair game.


Until he says something like "coolest cube in the tray" and drops back to the bottom of the social ladder.


I would be surprised if anyone wasn't an atheist. But then again the vast majority of people are below average intelligence.


And that's why it's called a "Love Seat"


Haha, my complaint had nothing to do with karma. It's just about people going out of their way to be douchebags.

My IAMA would be the most boring of all time...


... You should to do an AMA on her behalf.


You are the poster child for /r/atheism tards.

"Thinks she's an educated, scholarly, independent minded critical thinker"

"Still lives with Daddy and Mommy at the age of 23"

Haha, you are a damn joke. Get a life, grow up. Don't know who is more pathetic, your family or you. Too bad your child will just be another mouthbreathing bottom feeder as well.


nice try Russian space program


Or how people say being gay is normal and blacks are as smart as everyone else.

Yeah, your "marriage" is really great.  Not a hormonally defective freak at all.

No, no, we hired you for your resume and great ideas, not because we need your big ashy lips on our website.  You're not an out-of-place descendant of slaves at all, *totes normal.*


1990 honda accord. have power windows and power sunroof.


Downvote downvote downvote downvote


Sounds like she needed out too.

Edit: Thank you stranger for the gold! I'm honestly way more proud than I should be. This is as high as I'll ever get and I'm scared.


Honestly, I judge the guys buying pocket pussies the most. I find that kinda pathetic.


I used to a know a Harry Potter fan who wrote a lot of fan fiction and she flipped her shit just a few minutes after her trip to the bathroom during which I set her autocorrect to change Voledemort to He Who Must Not Be Named.


Lick my balls, friend


I'll have the steak and lobster. Oh drat, I lose.


I'm sick of my beta software having bugs.  Damn me for buying a game early so I could access the beta!  How dare the game not be finished from the point I purchased it!  I should just piss and moan about it instead of doing something useful and report bugs!


How come she don't want me, man?


Yeah it's like this. When women fight dirty it's not acceptable but when men do it they are doing the right thing.

Most men will not have any problem throwing the mother of their children under the bus for kicks but God forbid a woman does it to keep her children.


Or just spontaneously developing autism. Then the measles.


Oh really; tell us more about all of your life experiences as a full grown woman. That would be just lovely.


Remind me to never piss you off...


"Now everyone is dead... Killed by a Demon he called the Butcher. Avenge us! Find this Butcher and slay it, so that our souls may finally rest..."

"Your death will be avenged!"


"My son ate a burger in Pittsburgh and now loves the Steelers."

um, okay.


you're getting downvoted because you are sleeping with your dad, you dumb bitch.


Pfft. Just use lube.

Edit. I pity my girlfriend.

Edit. Gold? You people are terrible.


LOL

Edit:

>not understanding irony


Says the [5'5" dude](http://www.reddit.com/r/gainit/comments/1182l6/is_there_a_categorized_listing_for_the_short_ass/) with a [3 inch penis](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/10dmqb/is_it_possible_to_make_a_small_dick_longer_in/).


You realize that's where her poop lives.


I don't know what that means but it sounds like a consolation prize for being alive.

edit:  *Didn't really expect this to get attention.  Would just like to say - /u/indicaisme can do whatever the hell he likes, and I have no doubt that earning the cape took serious dedication.  My comment was tongue-in-cheek and not meant to contain any spite at all.*


One less 12yo kid on black ops, we all know his mom would of come back to buy the game for him anyway. Stupid parents. Probably not true anyway.


Heh, "bum outta hell."


Pretty hard, that's awkward.


Her baby is gonna be hanging from her snatch


I used to use good weapons, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Plus it usually ends up with more sex.


Do you think she overreacted then? I understand he was a beloved pet to her, but I think she was being a bit extreme to say her life is now ruined without the dog.


I'm... going to need some time alone.


I used to see how that became a problem, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Since we are on reddit it was most likely a group of slightly overweight shaggy dudes. Aka just what the doctor ordered.


Woah, does that mean she can be fucked in the ass with no mess?  Hell, when she's bent over, you don't even have to see that fucked up gash.


Better than an unregistered sex offender.


You shouldn't be driving. Is this really an issue for people? I feel like your way over-exaggerating a non issue to bitch about something on reddit.


I'm not good at geometry


shit like this makes me hate women.


*farts the national anthem*


What's the weather like in your mansion?


I hate when that happens. There's this lady on my tube ride every morning, she doesn't know it yet but I have already bought us a house together and even a puppy, soon it'll become a fully grown dog.

Next step is talking to her.


Based on what? That I find the majority of the Reddit community to be made up of males that take out their social ineptitude on females? That I find /r/MensRights is far more morally repugnant and anti-intellectual than anything Andrea Dworkin ever wrote?

I can find ample evidence posted every day.


These are worse than OP's pic, because they're not photoshopped. They are proof of his hypocrisy.


racism...very good. You *really* earned your 144 super-liberal upvotes


Basically, [this.](https://i.imgur.com/BkBwv.jpg)


You watched that until the end?

Fuck are you doing with your life?


Your genitals have seen some shit man.


You are the one looking at penises on the internet, creep.


When we were at the restaurant the other day my father fingered the waitress and she came.


The 2nd twist is that I don't even have access to the restricted subreddit; I just know it's there because AS1986 told me about it.


I will shamelessly take my karma boost


I used to participate in secret santa but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Maybe you thought you were the "don't you hate it when" person on an infomercial?


Wouldn't girls assume that there's something wrong with me? Normally desirable people don't hang out with really ugly people.

It sounds douchey, but it's a serious question.


ELI5: anything. Because I'm five.


I used to use WASD, but then  i took an arrow to the knee!


"You're not helping"

YES SHE FUCKING IS WHAT THE FUCK JIMMY YOU UNGRATEFUL CUNT


Not sure if should upvote for irreverent hilarity, or downvote to not ruin joke.


Quoth the raven, "Open the fucking door."


There was a parking lot around the fountain and people were applauding as they left! It was a rather long ordeal


My problem is with being vocal though. I masturbated so much since I was very young that I developed the ability to do it without a single sound. It feels weird to think I should make sounds now. I try to breathe a little heavier but everything more than that feels ridiculous. I appreciate vocal partners so I'm a hypocrite.


IT IS JUST A GODDAMN I THOUGHT OF. DONT TAKE IT SO LITERALLY DAMN


Just pulled it to your comment.


Unfortunately kids died in this crash...


Windshield is now kill.


give me karma, frontpage


If you want to get to orbit or beyond, go with pure rockets. It is not like Von Braun and Korolev didn't know about airplanes and they were really smart dudes.


####**That's correct. This is a fake photo. Babies don't come out with hair on them.**

Try harder OP.


The kids a fucking G tho


THANK YOU. Is karmawhoring out your dead daughter really even better?


My husband said "I'm glad you haven't found *my* cum box yet." Then I give him that look and he laughs and says "Just kidding, honey. You're my cum box."
I feel so much better, now.


Are you fucking kidding me? You are part of what's wrong with this awful world. I really hope you learn some respect one day. This beautiful girl has more love & kindness in her than in anyone I've ever encountered. IMHO, our planet could do with more people like her.


I feel like you handle stress really well.


Holy shit!  I just learned I can downvote myself!


The study was actually about how long you could go without fapping. The sleep study part was just a ruse.


Why would he have spaghetti in his pants?


I did this when I was younger. A new Manager let power get to his head so we all just started calling him "massta" as in "Just tell me how high you want them bales stacked massta"

Obligatory Edit: Thanks for the gold!


Updated for good music in this world of autotuned bullshit.


Can you start a thread where you post bits of information about it? I would upvote the shit out of that. With my real account and this one. THINK OF THE TWO UPVOTES!


I didn't, I didn't! I don't watch South Park because I dislike the style.


To Be honest the OPs there share the blame too:

*I (12F) just found my SO (64M) of 3 days chats with his ex on FB and has commited a Genocide in Cambodia. I'm incapable of making any decision whatsoever in my life. What should I do?* [GENOCIDE]

EDIT: Just found [this](http://imgur.com/fpdVqOL) on r/wtf, seemed very appropriate, and thanks for the gold!


I don't know any woman who wouldn't fuel the rumour mill.  Women fight in this passive-aggressive way by default.  Rumours are great because they don't need evidence and cannot really be proved.


I tried light bondage with my ex, so was tied up. He took this as an opportunity to finally try that. Not cool.


And you believe them. LOL LOL LOL

How naive, after being screw thousands of times you still believe.  LOL LOL LOL


THE HIVE MIND AGREES THAT THE HIVE MIND IS BAD


Oh cause all surgeons are men right?


If my wife married 10 kids I'd leave her too.


Honestly that's the only game I've ever seen a girl sorta good at. I let an old friend best me in SSBM one time. Then I totally shat all over her after she got cocky


Thank you for** understanding... I'm dealing with this shit and I was hoping to get some support im reading these comments in tears at the moment... I TRIED AS FUCKING HARD AS I COULD... I didn't ever think I would outlive my child...


THAT WAS THE JOKE!! -7 guys? The whole point was that it's the opposite of a "big game hunter" because he's killing a 1-1.... oh nevermind. This comment is probably invisible now anyway.


It feels illegal just up voting this.


I made an educated guess about the punchline while reading the first line, and got it right.

Ah, the burdens of being intellectually superior.

**EDIT:** You have all been trolled.


Definitely an age factor.

That kid has no idea how close he came to it all being over. The man has a pretty good idea of how close he came to it all being over.


it took you DAYS to beat Diablo on hell? BS. I beat him second try on my WD. comeonmeow sir.


The neutrinos... theyre mutating... WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN


Downvoted everyone above me for circlejerkingly patting yourselves on the back all Good Jahb Good Jahb and just generally threadshitting.


**[CONFIRMING INTENSIFIES]**


Except it is, BRB.

EDIT: Nevermind, was thinking of a different rule. Neymar is not sharp.


There is, but dear God it's even [WORSE!](http://imgur.com/hc4JJbe)

Edit: thanks for the gold, partner!!  Also, it's either Friday or Saturday, have a great weekend!


That's what I wondered right after posting it.

Edit ! Yay ! Downvotes !


I just wanted to keep apologizing to every adult that I saw.


I used to bomb the dirty Japs and burn them jews, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


"Hi, can I take your order?"

"Yes but first, I have been meaning to ask you what the hell John Lennon saw in Yoko Ono."


Guys, I know it's funny, but please don't spoil for him the fact that Rita is murdered at the very end of the 4th season by John Lithgow's character the Trinity Killer.


To your ex, not to Mama


I checked your profile. And you never uploaded this yesterday.

***BUSTED.***


I guess he truly is Bad luck brian


You're a douchebag, not the guy in the pic.


The cord of a wireless phone


Because she didn't go with him?  He's not entitled to her.

*Trying to respond to all the comments, but I'm "doing that too much."  I'll try to respond later.


Hell yeah. I bet that felt great.


i just adopted him at a shelter, not certain on the breed, sorry


This is excellent, but you totally owe him a hand job.


Yeah, the mom's pretty hot. I'd fuck that slutobject sideways.


I was super short until my senior year and I would purposely walk close to the corner in hope of getting a face full of boobs. It worked more than I thought it would.


DAT ID WAT MY DADDY SAYD WEN HE SAW DAT MY SISTUR WAS HAVING DA SEXY TIME WITH ANODER MAN GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Well 14 out of 15 people simply cannot comprehend the greatness of what they're witnessing and their brains just shut down. Their minds are literally blown


Yea, *everyone*, will not get them. I wouldn't put that conceited asshole's shoes on my feet if they were free.


Man, that light bulb went off so hard you came.


"Sincerely, A 12 Year old"?


"Oh yeah, well let me know when he gets here!"


lol u a niglet or wut?


I like my mouth to be bubbly and foamy like a rabid dog.


Haha, it's funny because someone doesn't want to address the point, rather just attacks the speaker.


Bath time forever changed.


>most of the murders

Why do people speak as if he killed dozens of women? It was only five. "Most of the murders" is literally three or four.


"once"

edit: First gold! Thanks person!


that she thinks this is about just having to deal with people who don't agree with me and not a concern for my physical safety due to the abject hostility of so many in this subreddit and reddit in general, herself included


But the homeless are also looking for you. I reckon they'd know a 'fresh' face when they see it


Jajaja, diez de diez.


Maybe you shouldn't let your dog decompose in the hallway.

EDIT: my first reddit gold! woohooo!
thanks, stranger!


TNT beneath his jacket


Or like a giant Barbershop Quartet.

Edit: Thanks for the gold! I guess I don't know what to do with it yet, but I'll find a way to use it. Thanks!


Good job sexualizing that teenager, dude.

Fucking reddit.


Apparently only till Thursday  so around 48 hours.

I see a film in this. 48 hours to sell your stuff and be set up for life or something.

Mark my fucking words this will happen


So, sensationalized title?

edit: nvm


The important thing is you found a way to feel superior somehow.


I'm glad I didn't grow up in your fucked up generation


I'm sorry, but that's hilarious.


This is dumb.

Edit: I stand by my downvotes. This is a fucking stupid picture.


I like my women like I like my airports

Fully functional with landing strips


People are still playing Skyrim...? *Really*?

*Really now*???


I dunno, man. NPC's seem to get the best health care. I run a guy down and blow him up with grenades and 3 minutes later an ambulance is there, with a magic defibrillator that revives them instantly. And I never see any money exchange hands or insurance cards presented during this.


I understand that you are skeptical.  We are still working out all the details right now.


>General Hospital

You filthy casual, it was **The** Days of Our Lives

Edit: yes, **the**.


My subreddit my rules. Not sure why you think otherwise.

Glad to see how you really feel about me with all your comments here. It all comes out in the wash, right?


Makes pizza; delivers salvation.


Guys I hate to disappoint everyone but there's not going to be a Summer Sale this year.  I have a friend who works at Valve and he told me.


My job is 20% work and 80% trying to make it look like what I do takes 100% of my time.


Fuck you, you piece of shit. He did more before he turned 24 then you will accomplish in your entire pathetic existence.


You're not alone... Although, of course you already knew that.


Why do all you dorks always upvote anything Star Wars?

This whole Yoda-Speak crap is old...very old. It's also very lame.


YES - of course I miss you! Just saw your extraordinary performance on PBS this past weekend. Thanks for thinking of me - I think of you often and fondly as well!


Why would you waste our time by posting this without details? You suck.


Maybe she showers three times a day to make sure she has a clean butthole to greet him with.


"should of"

haha.

imbecile.


newgrounds,miniclip, and addictinggames were the core amount of time wasted by elementary and middle schoolers.


If I offered to give her a nickel, I'd be more generous than Gates.


"I thought we were gonna hang out!"


Chuck Norris > liam neeson

Edit: Why the downvotes?  8th Degree Black Belt Grand Master in TKD vs some actor hello!?!


We could teach them.  but they would only use it for gorilla warfare.
(faint) thank you.


"Gay" as a pejorative in any sense is not ok in a safe space. Words are not for individuals to reclaim just because they think it's funny now. All of this is outlined in the rules in the sidebar and FAQ. Gosh darn being respectful to other people is just So Hard!


> Personally killed two highschoolers because they stopped on train tracks

No, two highschoolers killed **themselves** because they stopped on train tracks.


Please do not bring this silly drama into my thread. I am simply requesting a subreddit whose top mod has been banned by the admins. He has proven himself to be not a good fit for reddit, much less for moderation, I simply want to bring some rationality to the sub.


Just hope the president doesn't do something selfish like die and leave you in charge. Also, you'd need to watch out for Nicholas Brody.


You mean mags lol. *gun knowledge cringe*


My goldfish are great. Sometimes I get drunk and yell at them, but in the morning it's as if they don't even remember.


le me used to sink le battleships, but then le me took le arrow in le knee! #leLOLZ!


I think the older moths are like, "Kids this week don't know how bad we had it last week when we were growing up."


Most women are hot from 17 to 24 and then start to deteriorate. Some of them try to compensate by loosing weight and end up looking just like that.


OP is a stalker. I found [this pic](http://imgur.com/ZWqhIR0) in his post history, captioned "Waited Outside Her Hotel for 46hrs Straight for this Opportunity. Worth it".


More like the video game industry is 80% male.

And yes, he does need to ask because people like you give crappy answers.


wow so photogenic guy gets on but not BLB? dumb.


Took me a while, but damn you got me good.


That's mighty big of you to let other people do as they please with their bodies and money.


Right, but many people believe that 15-year-olds are incapable of having full understanding of a subject because their 15-year-old self wasn't capable of having full understanding of that subject. Ageism is just projection.


You're hilarious....asshole lol


I have a lvl 80 female dwarf paladin on the Dragonmaw server.


Did you grow them all yourself? It doesn't count if you have one in a jar that you bought on ebay.


Wow, that's actually a really good way of looking at it... He kinda has a point. I cheated on my girlfriend a few months ago (she still doesnt know lol) and I have been really good to her ever since. She keeps saying, "Wow, you are so amazing and loving all of a sudden. What happened?" and I'm just like, "Nothin, I just love you, babe."

Haha, shhhhhhhhhhhh ;)

edit: downvotes? really?


> We're a country that strives to have cuter ponies than the rest of the world.

I think you're just keeping them small enough for your spiders to eat.


Pretty sure this is the first "lol" I've seen on Reddit.


Your dad is a genius.


Well, I dont really give a fuck about that :D You just got #rekt #shrekt #direkt #erekt


that's the best O'Hare story i have ever heard!


Actually, she was under the influence and not sober. This automatically takes away her consent, and they perpetrated rape as soon as they engaged in sex.

Edit: hey all. Just wanted to respond to all the comments, I'm fairly aware of the laws and that is how sexual assault works. Yes, you can think of all the scenarios, but consent under the law works as I stated above.


hard mode: yell at them to "cmon hurry up"


Hey, that's a really cool talent you have, summing up a complete stranger based off a single phrase. Did you have to go to an Academy for that, or is it genetic?


We all are, I just hope that one day I'll be half the dad for my kids.


Then why didn't she leave any money for all these humanitarian causes? I get not wanting to give it all away, but you're telling me she truly cared, but didn't leave a cent?


i'm a pepsi man myself


ITT pictures of fat cunts and people so fucking fat they can't ~~bear to~~ take a picture of themselves


But 6 seconds in the Dragon Lord realm is like 10 human years... in dog time.


1) Look at them. They're gay.

2) "Straight" guy agreed to go to prom with a girl with a bit of a pot belly chubby chin and another dude.

3) Look at them. I don't think either of them is even a pure top.


life is a lottery in Iraq


Please tell me he would exclaim "Go Jew!" after every kill.


So you pretty much just tattoo crappy puns on your body? You're like the ultimate redditor


It is the internet, leave your feelings at the door.


Girls who are really into horses are usually un*stable*.


yeah "you just" exactly keep makin up excuses thats what u millennials are good at.


That's way too optimistic. We'll probably go 11-4-1


9/11, would like to run into it again.


That's a goddamn lie.


i dont think anybody cares soz cya


Read as 'that noise a little girl makes'

Pretty unchill for a second there


Mass + low speed is not a heavy hit. Doubt that punch was even close to some of the blows I take while playing football (without pads and intentional hard hits)


Every bouncer I have worked with does this. I know it's a different circumstance but you really can find some good money. Drunk people are not very careful with their cash.


So much for free speech

edit: wow lots of replies. I'd like to thank the academy.


*Reddit, what's the loneliest thing you've done?*

**Marsdreamer's SO:**

I was home with my SO on New Years Eve. He was playing League the whole time. At midnight, he looked over and coldheartedly said "Happy New Year." I leaned in to kiss him, but he was already back playing the game, and didn't notice me. As the ball fell, I whispered, "Happy New Year," to myself.


So? She is a slut. Holy shit your dumb.


It's true and it's fucking sad.


Seriously? It's not that original or clever an idea.

EDIT: Oh noez, my fake internet points have been stripped from me. That'll teach me, good job redditors, you saved the world from opposing opinions yet again!


*clackety clackety clackety*

Bro, I'm in the FBI's mainframe


Can't wait to seen you in the news like the grenade guy. MAN KILLED BY MICROWAVING NITROGLYCERIN


kids do the darnedest things


ERXERCTLER, THERTS WHERT I THERGHT TER, BERT DERNT GERT DA WRIN ERDER.


This one kills me. I see people posting on facebook about this all the time.


Black people racist? Naaah, everybody knows that only white people can be racist.


Thank you.  I'm happy to hear that about this one, which… has some problems.


Fitting as his daughter is horrifyingly ugly. Ugh, seriously, shes going to grow up to be a troll.


A lot of ERs have a policy that once you're inside they have to treat you because it becomes a liability issue. Suppose they turned him away and he passed out in the parking lot. He could sue.


HI WEDDIT!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS OUTSYDE TODAY BUT NOW I BACK TO SPEND DA NITE ON DA WEDDITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LE GA LE GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!


There's a different version of this that I see a lot of people do. Basically they walk in a group, take the whole sidewalk, and then walk so slowly that they have a whole group of strangers trapped behind them for hours.


I made it the background to my phone and showed a lot of my friends and they were all asking where the Hell it was a picture of.


It's better to ride a bike and eat healthy if you are 450lb.


Good for you, nobody cares.


Exactly. I have a feeling a lot of the students embellished a bit.

>Researcher: "How many women did you sleep with last night?"

>Teenage boy: "Twenty. Including your mom."


>looks like a grown up woman now

So...she looks beat up and used? I agree.


*Opens bag*

*see horrifyingly disfigured body*

*closes bag*

*enough outside for today*


It's more than likely not all connected. Sorry some bald guy died.


As someone who loves hot sauces of all stripe, I have to say two things: first, I've more than met my match many times. And second, why the fuck do people think eating hot sauce is something brag-worthy?


Well it is surprising they support a group where the majority thinks they are an abomination that should be wiped from the face of the earth.

It's like a being a Jewish neo-nazi....it takes a special kind of mental imbalance.


If I just help you every time, you'll never learn to be tall enough to do it yourself.


not only is he a faggot, which despite all the politically correct bs we try to believe in is still sickening and unthinkable if ur a father... but he's also a  whore. how fucking sad...


I constantly get out of my comfort zone. Looking cool is the easiest way to mediocrity. The coolest guy in my high school ended up working at a car wash. Once you push yourself into something new, and whole new world of opportunities opens up. But you might get hurt. In fact you WILL get hurt. But amazingly when you heal-- you are somewhere youve never been.


Ever heard of up votes?


Having lived also in a country without tipping, the service is better when a waiter has to impress the customer more than his boss.


FALSE

The Holocaust


Objection, leading the OP.


I don't expect the downvoting to be done fairly, and don't particularly care. The explanation for why it happened is there for anyone who cares to find it; I just wanted to correct the inaccurate headline here.


>"People thought I was smoking marijuana," he said. "So I told them I was only making something for juju [magic].' Then they said: 'Ah, I see.'"

Building a windmill from junk is an impressive feat in and of itself, but when you come from somewhere where he had to claim it was for "juju" to convince people he was not mad, it just makes it so much more impressive.


and "a" and "k" repeatedly to upvote everyones comment


Call it r/feelslikethefirstime

EDIT: 1) Thanks for the gold!   2) Holy Shit!  What happened?  I posed this before I took a nap.  Woke up to a new subreddit?


"Regular Kids"? That isn't very P.C., buddy.


As a fellow cyclist, yes. Totally irresponsible D-bag.


haha. pissing off people on reddit is WAY TOO EASY!


Two muffins are in an oven, one turns to the other and says "Man it sure is hot in here."

The other turns and say "OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN!"


Lol you seriously jack off to these gifs?


Counter terrorists win.


> I fall in love three times a week

No offense, but I think you are confusing love with lust. If it really is love, then you are really shallow.


He talked a lot of trash up until the fight. I just remember thinking "keep cool Ben, save it for tomorrow". Thank god i did.


you sir, are mistaken, this is my cat


My milkshakes bring congress to the yard

and theyre like all pinching my straws

damn right, just pinching my staws

I could stop them, but they want to charge.


Why is everybody hating on Wyoming? If you 400lb redditors got a life and went outside then you would know that Wyoming has beautiful landscape and great geology.:-)

And **GUESS WHAT** you butthurt morons? Wyoming uses that wind energy for their wind farms. Who's the idiots now?! :-D

I am **downvoting** the above two comments accordingly :-)


This thread is a lot sadder than I thought it would be.


You mean the mauk show?

Downvotes accepted for a shitty qb. Shower me in them, plebs. My karma too strong!~ 100 nice!

Keep it up, it means nothing. Click with your strong fingers!

Congrats 200. You did so much!


Vampire tea bags

Edit: lol thanks for the gold! c: Being human is gross. Might as well laugh at it!


My opinion is fact. Archaic superstitions have no place outside church.

And it has no part in one of mankind's greatest scientific achievements.

Backwards faith didn't put Aldrin on the moon.


*I want to believe*

Edit:i guess this is now my top comment, and thanks for the gold mysterious redditor.


i'll say it- you bought crap.

ob is cheap because it's terrible to use. you want *the yellow tampax pearl*

pads....well pads are stupid. i feel like most people don't actually wear them- it's like wearing a diaper!


I'm glad I scrolled this far.


this is probably the dumbest comment of the day

You guys would upvote it

luh u guise


Fair point.....I'll call him a cunt then.


upvote the self post (you receive no link karma from upvoting/downvoting self posts, and just downvote my comments? How fucking stupid is the average Redditor nowadays? God it's like Digg in here.


No, it's Jake from State Farm

Edit: Thanks


Any beer or any product that is truly imported. You haven't answered the question. How can imports compete?


JESUS CHRIST DUDE THIS IS A MUSEUM, PUT IT AWAY.

EDIT: To the person who gave me gold, you just made the worst mistake of your life.


Scumbag redditor: tells OP to take all his upvotes.

Only has one upvote


> Warming up the altar-boy's dinner

Good god....


Actually they are raising it by being buff. BMI is a poor indicator of fat and only takes into account weight and height.


She was disappointed you were still alive, probably.


Can you stop err.. using err and err kill yourself. ERRRRRRRRR

ERR!    ERRR ERR ERRR

**EDIT: OK NOW EVERYONE HAS TO UPVOTE ME INTO POSITIVE KARMA OR I KICK MY CAT IN THE FACE.**


I always talk to them and get my points back. It's mildly interesting that my last name conflicts with MLA format to be slightly troublesome.


who gives a ffffffffuuuuuucccccccccckkkkkkkkkkk


>Weight loss has so much affect on the face, when people lose large amounts of weight, its hard to tell that they are the same person.

http://i.imgur.com/antKn6P.gif


Giroud missed 3 months of the season and is on 10 goals at the moment.


Did you just provide the answer? Did this just happen?


hey. OP is the one who wants to go on believing in fantasy land that dead/severely disabled friend is still alive/well.


Now he's itchin' down under.


Well aren't you special?


It's good to know that inside we're all equally social awkward.


That awkward moment when you learn this is a repost from a days old Deadspin article.


1) Dead Kennedys still play?

2) Who the fuck gets eaten out at a *Dead Kennedys* show in *2015*.


I think it's just you


My fault (at least partly). Deepest apologies.


shes not ugly shes just has a face problem


Im pretty fucking sure he wanted the "no translation" and op is just full of shit and made up the story about the translator


No, it was a joke. What is useless is you making the comment saying it was a useless comment. Idiot.


I used to be so brave, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


50 and still do it once in a while.  Also jump from stair to stair on the way down.


Yeah but you also ruin it.


Got reddit to watch a NASCAR commercial.


WHAT A CLEVER AND ORIGINAL JOKE

Wait actually I'll let this one slide, it was orginially worded.


Also the only place I've ever had the hotel manager follow me to my room, then proceed to check the room for uninvited guests.


Ya, life of a hot girl must be horrible!!!
:-/


Now you know how I felt in 1997. I hope you don't feel how I did in 1999. :(


Karma Bomb alert! Splash me baby!


And the drugs just vanished into thin air, didn't they.


If you really hate all anime it is far more likely you having xenophobic or anti-Japanese tendencies than you actually hate anime. All anime is not the same, is not a Genere.


Standing master race reporting in.
Gf looks at me like I'm fucking nuts also.


they're my initials...  omg.

ASL????

edit: whoaa just noticed i got my asshole pushed in up there >,<


Well I'm presuming she got to meet Johnny Cash after eating all that so....


You drive a lowly Subaru Legacy... you wouldnt know much about higher end sports cars. Your car is literally like a Camry to the police.


there's no way an 8 story tall crustacean from the protozoic era could follow two skanks in a car without them noticing.


You keep telling  yourself that you prick.

Edit: spelling


OKAY MISDER SCIENDIST


Technically, being disgusted by the fact that a woman has come into contact with other dicks is a disdain for male sexuality and it is misandry. So the "sexism" is directed at men, really.


I experimented with this for a while, but I also had "Eye of the Tiger" play as my alarm every morning.

For the first few weeks, it worked *swimmingly*. I woke up pumped up every morning and had a great start on every day.

Then one morning I woke up three hours late and found the alarm clock smashed into pieces against the wall. I guess my subconscious got sick of that song.


Bacon is overrated like Mitch Hedberg.

Honestly, I actually watched a few hours worth of Mitch Hedberg's stand up. I can watch hundreds of hours of that shit and still have the same opinion: it's not very funny.


Ha Ha, what a story Tommy.


NIGGER.

Oops I mean tomorrow's lottery numbers are 04,12,16,17,31 and 44

edit: HAH! fuck you guys I got like 600 comment points for some bullshit comment so I'm fucking flush bitches. With that, I have only one statement to make:

NIGGER


I went and saw his show knowing it would probably suck. I had seen all the other Cirque shows and I like magic so I figured what the hell.

The early reviews were brutal and I figured that at some point either Criss or the Cirque people would have gotten enough bad press and made some changes.

Nope, the best trick he did was making $70 and 90mins of my life disappear.


You misspelled "Moon".


I had a look and I can't find it right now. Violentacrez would be the best person to find that from. Though whether he'd be willing to help me is debatable after our heated exchange.


Reddit: Ruining the moment since 2005


This guy's answers suck. He's a humourless hack and no one gives a fuck about his lame stunts that apparently serve only to inflate his own ego.  Why are we entertaining this shit reddit?  Oh, that's right, circlejerk celebrity cock-sucking.

P.S. Dear DB, We get it, you can survive for days without food and sleep.  How many more ways do you need to show this to us?


I think the most democratic Bill ever passed through the senate was actually Clinton.


Shut the fuck up cholestrol. Your just jelly EG got no where near the finals


That's amazing of you. I'm looking for a ps4 copy but i can't take it away from you without paying. And i have no idea how much the shopping cost would be.


Over 6 and a half billion.


Betty White and Jesus


I used to be a groomsman, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Yo, dawg, we heard you like books so we installed a public address system, a bonsai tree, an ebook reader, a sound system, and a nitrous system, so you can page Page and Plant while listening to Page and Plant while turning the Page while you Book it with your Plant.


Seriously dude, ever hear of a face-lift?


Funny how the entire world knows the Republican congress is made up of complete morons.


Good God......Upvote. :`-(


He touched Pam's leg.


thats gay talk normally


That´s some Ned Flanders shit, dude.


It's a picture.  You have no idea what either party is feeling.  You don't even have body language to work from.


Goats don't wear suspenders.


I am afraid to comment here. &#3232;\_&#3232;


or a Kraftsman!

EDIT: Thanks for the Gold!  The cheesy cheesy gold goodness.


it just wont work for her first period


"is it because of your hair?"


if you pay for anything it's your own mistake


Either that or she's been frozen since WWII and is just trying to catch up...


You've been able to buy upvotes for years. There are a number of SEO services that offer it. There are also regularly jobs posted on freelancer and other websites seeking reddit accounts with about 100 karma, paying per account.

Get a grip, reddit is not invulnerable to advertising or exploitation.


MTV might not even be a channel anymore.


You guys are in luck! It's called IRC, and is exactly how you guys described it! What are the chances?!


NYPD all choking a guy to death for selling loosie fries.


I will downvote every comment that is not this


Aw, look at you, ya li'l scamp! Never heard of the concept of subtlety.

Never heard a good joke in your life, either.

Edit: DOWNVOTE SQUAD INBOUND, MAINTAIN THE PUN ZONE, SNUFF OUT CRITICISM


Write a stupid question, get a stupid answer.


i used to play ps2 but then i took an arrow to the knees XD

**edit dont downvote its a meme**


All Bertha's are destined to be fat.


yeah right, from that tiny ass thumbnail? she probably looks bad irl. Also, his approach was beta and she should've seen right through it. he said "they earn your respect" when talking about the employees, when he should have said "you earn their respect". 1/10 would not congratulate.


I agree.  Especially since they can go to war at 18.


fair enough. im not about to tangent on you cuz you actually used reasoning in an attempt to tell me off. thats the only thing that pisses me off, idiots not using reasoning.


Princess Consuela Bananahammock


If this was in America, the "sass" would have came in the form of a 8mm bullet


Sorry, we don't give sincere and thoughtful feedback here. Do you have something sarcastic to say about it? Or maybe a pun?


As a matter of fact, yes, she did.


Orange is the new black


ok, pal. Glad to know you got a fucked-up values system over there.


Medicine is amazing.


Snarky attitudes are one of the reasons I rarely post here. :(


Did you open a window at least?


Can you provide the statute in Florida that requires you speak to the police (5th amendment be damned) and/or the statute that says you have to roll your window down? Pretty sure the law states that you have to provide ID, proof of insurance, etc. Actually, I'm being smug. Don't bother looking, you won't find the law you just made up.


swimming with an erection helps guide you in the water.


>Plus, your logic is completely flawed, on every level.

Oh, okay. I guess I'll just take your word for it. No need to explain or anything.


That is impressive. I thought I was pretty good because I finished mine in a week. The box said 6 to 8 years.


I love the actor who played the French farmer in that scene. He did a perfect job.


Felt more like a brother/sister or guardianship thing to me. There was the race side, and I felt like he was thinking "this girl is going to get herself killed if she DAMMIT there she goes again I'd better go help."


shut the fuck upf faggot you dont know what your talking about

eVERYONE WHOS DOWNVOTIN ME CAN FUCKEN DIE OF AIDS


Not many people know this, but Charlie is actually the one who shot Fiddy 9 times.


lets just ruin a fun post... (O-O)


You know if films when they are holding on for their lives? I if you can't do a pull up you will probably die .

Mufasa skipped back day, and so simba lost his daddy. Do pullups or scar will kill you and take your pride.


I asked if I could do anything to help.  Offered iboueprofin or ice or checked to see if there is anything else I could do.   I asked if I could take a picture too because this was so odd


Astrophysics, the business of television, baseball, wine, and women.


somebody please tell him chemotherapy isn't the way! full body detox, kombucha, yoga, raw food, juicing dark leafy (organic) greens like dark green kale, meditation-focus on positivity, also accept any outcomes but hope for the best. that's the way!


You're the first person who's reaction was like, "Wait, why am I 5???" Everyone else just seemed to accept it immediately.


"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

seemed like you guys needed that reminder :p


Especially with Sony involved.


You were banned for using the word "bitch" in violation of safe space rules.


As a chubby dude when I tried that all I got were stares. Damn unfair society.


Whatever, enjoy your time here.


It took me a little too long to learn, if she likes it, DON'T CHANGE A THING


It's not a fucking lack of perspective, it's the rules of proper uniform wear. PTSD or not, when in uniform, it better be correct.


The Chex people were all like "woohoo!" then they got a little further and were like "oh..."


But seriously, this just shows how lazy human beings have come to be if they need a fucking robot to squirt their condiments. I squirt mine using my own bare hands.

Edit: Y'all muddafuckas didn't get the joke. I was referring to penis juices


I asked the third deer to identify them all.  Turns out the second deer was his bisexual friend Ray, but he didn't know the name of the doe.

So he just answered, "Doe-Ray-Me".
***
***
^^Just ^^gonna ^^awkwardly ^^insert ^^something ^^here ^^at ^^the ^^bottom:  ^^USE ^^TAU, ^^NOT ^^PI.


Mary, fuck, kill: Diabetes, Cancer, AIDS.


Yeah he was good, but he was no Einstein.

EDIT: Everyone keeps writing 'he was wicked smaht" and i have no idea why. I must have triggered something.


I live on planet earth,I daily read a newspaper and also I am a redditor.Basically you are telling me that because you are american you know Obama better than me.Good for you,I would love to see some photos.


> When you've had your first blood, I'll put a son in you

FYI all you middle schoolers, this is the best pickup line.


It looks like a pink lizard


Hey Kevin, you can use the photos


it was taken when she was young. ofcourse she will look young. what did you expect ?

edit: is my english crappy or the people just dumb.

we can see that the girl in the pic is young. then what is the meaning of commenting that she is young ? that's what i am trying to ask.


Wanna play battleshits?


you sir are an idiot if you misunderstood me to the point where that is your answer


He probably doesn't care one bit because he got paid a shit load of money, is incredibly famous, and is probably banging several girls at a time whenever he wants to. But a few people on reddit think he isn't muscular enough so that's probably gonna make him depressed.


It's called a sense of humor.

especially since that sort of solution is not common in the USA


Oh, great. He's handsome *and* a great guy.


Did I say it was? No. But we don't need a pissing match with people who have to find inappropriate times to call people out.


That's just like my Grandma dying on April 1st 5 years ago. Good one grandma, you can stop pretending now.


I AM THE CHOSEN ONE TOO. THIS WILL BE MY MOMENT OF GLORY!


I'm not buying shit. My plan might still work.


I'm just here to see how fucking mad you are. Like usual, you can't take a loss.


I've been getting the same commercial a lot lately, some asshole showing off his fancy car and then his massive bookshelf. What kind of dick makes a commercial out of that?


ummm okay why would anyone want to play this game in 2012 the graphics are so bad like it was made in 2005 or it was a ps2 game u should play new games that way u don't have to play in such a small window cause the resolution was so low back then and u can enjoy good graphics

upvote if u agree


*bending over to pick something up* heuuurrrRGGHHHHHHHHHH

*standing back up from a squatting position* HHHHGGGGRRRuueeeh


Pleeeease, no down, no vote. Keep karma and next time upvotes bring to you.


What did he say at his acceptance speech?

Hay, it's in my jeans


Alright, well then at least give me a couple weekends to catch up.


I can't afford jeans with holes in them,only the ones without. Jeans with holes are expensive.


I hate it when people are quicker at being funny than I am. :(

Oh well, upvote for getting there first. And being absolutely hilarious.


That's what she (being over 18) said.


>Insane is identical to Dark difficulty-wise

Is it? What makes Dark Souls difficult is not only that you have to hit the enemy 100 times and they have to hit you once. It is enemy range, invincibility frames, enemy attack speed and a thousand other things.


They would make it their goal to be "good people" and not kill anyone but end up accidentally killing everyone they meet


i can has downvotes too?


Man, I bet pirates threw you *right* the fuck off.


That "for science" shit is not funny and never has been.


>You might not have time to shave your legs with a new baby ...

I can see why you don't have time...that would take forever compared to a razor.


I like dick in my booty


you are never the little spoon. she is the jetpack. Squeeze her arms and make rocket noises.


Guy compares getting banned from a small internet forum to being physically assaulted by the NYPD, yet you call *me* an idiot.


damned good parenting


thats the first panel, once again clearly not the joke.


In primitive goldfish hunter-gather tribes in the Congo.


I'm not judging. I'm condemning. Faith has a time and place, walking on the moon is neither.


Would you fight 1 dinner plate-sized wasp or 1,000 wasp-sized dinner plates?

Nevermind.

edit: late to the party but thanks for the gold!


Being a white male I wasn't sure if I could visit there. My b

Gonna take a gues and say 68 black people down voted previous statement.


Immediately kill a homeless man. Assert dominance in front of the pack, establishing for yourself a new identity.


That's pretty fatass.
FTFY


 [  ]  NOT REKT
[X] REKT


I actually care so much about what fat neckbeards think about me in the internet!!!!


Actually it's his twin brother Juan that's a little weird; Amaal is quite normal. People mix them up all the time though, which is where we get the expression "If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amaal".


Wow dude calm down. I'm just having fun on the internet.


I thought you liked surprises?


Didn't you think afterwards like: "wow this is what I deserve for being a dumb moneyhungry whore?"

I know I certainly was when reading this story.


> She has no right to tell my child what to do! Who does she think she is?!

...A teacher? Isn't that the whole fucking point of teachers? To *teach* and guide kids? Some parents are fucking crazy.


No, not a perfect response. He didn't tell her there would be a charge for the work, and should have negotiated that before doing anything.

The teacher is a dick.


I believe we only use 10% of our hearts.


All women are lying, cheating whores.


Especially Scott, he's a dick


This is what makes reddit reddit.

Rule 34 on the unicorn!


After looking through 15 pages of the Griffith University website, here it is;

[http://app.griffith.edu.au/news/2013/03/01/bold-koala-sculpture-has-attitude/](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)


Arsenal... he played there his entire youth.. just saying


Your life sounds like Game of Thrones.

Edit: Out of all the quality content I try to bring to Reddit, my two highest rated comments are now mindless pop culture references. Reddit pls.


So true. Who knowsh what other rolesh he could *redefine* by shlurring hish wordsh a little?


Or countries. That's right Chad, what business do you have in africa?


You shouldn't have lost the dog, but she is going overboard. If she values the dog above you, there are questions to be asked.
Yeah you were responsible, but to kick you out because of that, sorry but loosing a dog doesn't justify her behavior


Yes, but probably only a few hours

Party at Cocoa Beach!


Well I haven't used the restroom for a few hours so you are probably right.


>I can see why I'm still his favourite pussy.

-that cat


>fakes horrible diseases

"Lies about" isn't the same as "faking".

>for imaginary internet points?

No.


Can't flim flam the Zim Zam.


I'm throwing my lot with Karmanaut here. Sorry, rules are rules. Downvote me all you want.

EDIT: Wow, Redditors are even more pathetic and vindictive than I thought.

EDIT 2: I'd like to take this moment to say that I dislike Skyrim and cats immensely.

EDIT 3: Libertarians are the most deluded group of morons on the face of the earth. They make Christians look like scientists.


That doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about candles to dispute it.


sorry to take a massive poop on your preconceptions of world geography, but Hong Kong is not a country. It **is** a special administrative region *of* China, insofar as they are autonomous, however, Hong Kong is considered a territorial annex of China.

They also share the same "handed driving" lanes in either location, namely the left hand side.


More often than not, these archers only had the one arm because a bear had taken their other. That led many of them to take up arms against the bears. In fact, this was why the founding fathers added "the right to bear arms" in the second amendment of the Gettysburg Address.


Your an idiot...
No offence &gt;:p

Edit: OMG!

>lesson learned : never troll on reddit


It's like in science, where you either reject the null hypothesis or fail to reject the null hypothesis.


Go back to [your subreddit](http://www.reddit.com/r/mls)


"I don't get it?" Is my favourite response to racist/sexist/otherwise bigoted jokes. People get so uncomfortable, so quickly.


You do realize that I just find that version and simply DON'T know the source? I'd thank you for posting it but not this time
EDIT: Yep, his original post included the links AND was hating on me for not providing the source. There goes my comment karma. He even apologized below "Ok my bad".


>I couldn't really find the vagina hole.

Happens to the best of us.


Spaz? Did you just take a time machine from the 90s when that insult was not outdated?


That's a damn fine boss! As a kitchen guy. I seethe when I hear about a table mistreating our staff. The only thing stops me sometimes is that I don't know how our tables are numbered.

Edit: phone.

Edit 2: Dang! Highest point comment AND reddit gold? Thanks gals and guys!


The author doesn't think science needs to be funded at gun point.  And science that is funded at gun point is going to be inherently bad science.


I remember that. Hope it worked out well for you.


Really? I was able to catch it on the first try. Seemed easy.


Seems like only 3/5 of reddit gets the joke.


I mean it's a picture, is it not? Why did it get so many upvotes TheOnlyPandaWhoCantSpell?


"Hahahahaha, you followed orders!"


He didn't offer, no apology either. So asking for it would basically strain the relationship and it's not guaranteed I would get anything anyway.


Pack it up everyone, we're done here


Well, thank the stars I don't need a girlfriend to lead a fulfilling life unlike most people.


This seems to be a pretty easy solution. But maybe the battery on his hat died too.


... He's fine being alone just doesn't leave her side when she's there. Can everybody chill


Yo don't close your eyes for too long while you're driving.


Your username worries me....


One time I pissed in a hot tub and I swear it turned yellow.


Says the person who has never posted to this sub.


Lots of people think it's a Jeopardy reference, but actually I was thinking of that time Watson and I were cellmates in prison, and it kept raping me.


All that proves is that you're so bigoted that you literally believe that articles which do nothing but bash feminism and blame them for all of men's ills aren't bigoted. I really don't think you're cut out for a modern, minority-loving alliance like TEST. Maybe try -A-?


Is your name M Night Shamalamadingdong?


Yeah, it's like he's saying "So, you said you'd blow me if I saved that stupid fucking cat, right?"


I feel retarded, I read that as eggos and I thought "yeah, I like the bite sized ones more, too."


iseewhatyoudidthere.jpg


This is, hands down, the funniest fake story I have ever read because it is so incredibly badly written. The fact that so many people buy into it makes it that much funnier


That's pretty meta freeend.


> TLDR: On the back stroke I looked like a shark

Early nomination for best TL;DR of '15. Where da' mods at?!


"Someone in the comments will probably pretend they didn't know that the obvious ending is coming... ohp there it is"


\- Mom I'm fine, I promise.

\- Gonna send the cops anyway, just to be sure. Better safe than sorry. Also, I'll give them your jacket so they can bring it to you, you left without it. What's going on in your head, didn't you check the temperature ? You'll catch death. You're lucky to have me.


downvote unless more tits :D


Single female. Sorry to disappoint.


How witty and informative! You're just what this subreddit needs.

I go down with this ship

Also, learn how to sarcasm, people


To save this boy's life, I will upvote you.


It spawns a sword holder of Crota. You can actually do one of the bounties really quickly doing this.


She turns into a fucking USB of all things.

 Seriously.....


Skeptic is a euphemism for "intellectually lazy". It says that someone doesn't highly value holding true beliefs enough to struggle with the issue, but instead defaults to disbelief.


How do people there handle random boners? do they just ignore it?

Sorry if this question is weird.


Frank Underwood becomes Vice President at the end of season 1, President at the end of season 2, and his wife leaves him at the end of season 3 of House of Cards


hi this is this kids dad why you make him eat ricin how rood


I fully agree with this statement.


Don't confuse fascist with fashion.


You need help you gay twisted fuck.
It's people like you that spread STD's


god damn might as well make them a Cubs fan while we're at it


You probably haven't watched Amaz get excited


There should be an option for people like that so that they no longer have an excuse:

Small $2.00

Medium $3.00

Big $4.00

Six Fries $ .40


> ha! fa real nigga dat shit had me rollin laughin mane!

NT4U.


*PEEKABOO!...see me poo!*


Shove that shit up your ass.  Most cities have bike TRAILS where you can ride if you want to be a dipshit on a bike.  When you're on the ROAD get a fucking car.


Wait... are we talking years, or inches?


"But when you thus sin against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ" (1 Corinthians 8:12).

It **IS** a sin for me to enable her.


I had heard that Steve got kicked off for being a drug addict- I am so glad that it was not true. I loves me some Steve.


Tell his fat ass to buy a fucking Wii Fit or something. He needs to drop some weight.

>Y'all niggas can't fuck with my niggas ho!

-Gary Johnson


Has anybody

ever said they would grab you

like a bowling ball?


So you arent even sure who the fuck you are, and you want me to answer to you on trans issues? Get bent assshole.


Next time I make a save icon I'm going to make it a stack of punched cards. That'll confuse the little shits.


Honey, you were "bragging".


Ah, I see you're making use of Britain's *best* contribution: sarcasm ;)


"I have no life so spend time on Reddit flaming people who aren't hiveminds"


Seriously, every god damn day.

Some people don't even believe me, I was in class one of my first days in college and my professor was telling us that we had to color code something for the class (it was notes or our papers or something). I told her I was color blind and asked if she had a suggestion for something I should do.

She laughed and continued on with the class.


so... basically you felt like you had been tboned by a tractor trailer?

edit: -140? I think this is some kind of record.


So Coldplay is pure gold?


Oh, yeah, man... How dare I do something that I didn't actually do because it's pretty obvious this is not a true story!

[](/jackieeeee!)

I don't get redditors sometimes. I mean, look at all these people insulting me.


Well... that story escalated quickly holy shit.


As a Hawks fan, if it's any consolation, we would have curbstomped you guys in the NFCCG. Y'all look pretty scary though and will probably do pretty well again next year.


Mobile users flip to landscape.

Spoilers, it's a goddum toucan

Edit for spelling

Edit glad I could help you sillies out


Or a very kind sponsor could upload it...


That's lucky I mean ***really* lucky**


It seems like you're an armchair psychiatrist who has no business handing out advice for shit you don't know about. That happens a lot on reddit.


You would've loved Chatroulette.


Except it is fake, so..no?

Edit: How the fuck did I get downvoted so bad for pointing out the fake wrestling is fake? The girl was not knocked out, so there was no "tap on her lights out button".

Fuck people are retarded


We tried that. You didn't want to.


Is your Dad being treated on our hard earned tax dollars?


Well that got dark fast.


Really? You're going to equate this to the fucking holocaust?


That comment is so dark the Ferguson police shot it.


hey guys you can buy Diablo 3 from here http://tinyurl.com/d9dwq7m


Kutner was my favorite. Thanks Obama.


I hope it didn't ruin your day. You should watch your cholesterol. Too much buttered penis is bad for anyone.


Two scientists walk into a bar.
First scientist says "I'll have some H2O"
Second scientist says "I'll have some H2O as well."
The first scientist curses to himself as his assassination attempt had failed.


I love Arrested Development, The Office, Monty Python (almost any British sketch comedy, in fact) and a lot of the other stuff that redditors seem to adore. And yet, I think It's Always Sunny is a god-awful show. God...awful.

As a person with free will, I have determined for myself that I do not *need* to watch it, as you suggest. Is that alright?


I bet his pants aren't even on fire.


> No, by adding Laurelai to the moderator list (without even discussing it first), you have basically said Fuck You to everyone in this subreddit who has been concerned this past few days.

I think it's worth considering that this could have been intentional.


But then slowly, over the course of the show, two of the guys actually fall in love, conspire to split the prize.


As I explained in my comment, RPG's IAmA was only allowed because of the huge amount of media attention that he got, to the point where it actually began to significantly impact his life. That can't be said of BLB.


My policy is that anyone who "keeps count" in a friendship is someone to be wary of. I have no idea who's paid for the most amongst my friends, we just take care of things as the situation comes up.

FFS if you're actually friends you don't need to keep the ledger balanced.


No, i'm now 20, High school was a long time
Ago.


That is such a strange sentence.

Edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger!


reddit really needs to stop with the faggot worship or i'm leaving. OP needs hormonal treatment, not sympathy. <5% is not a badge of pride, it means you're an unnatural freak.


True, but when you combine hurricanes and beads you get boobs.


>le For a second i thought le #1 would le fall in le water on his next step.

FTFY :D


According to this logic obviously fake tits should not be censored.


He has a point. Besides why murder someone that had nothing to do with it. Have the baby and raise it/give it up for adoption.


Sold so much plasma in college folks thought I had track marks from drugs.


Stop asking already, it'll come out when it does. Just calm your tits, xD.


Every Bond including Pierce to be precise. It's like it was an unwritten rule that Bond could only be captured by the main villain and hurt/tortured by said villain or his/her named henchmen.

I personally love the joke: a Stormtrooper and a Red Shirt get into a firefight. The Stormtrooper misses every shot, and the Red Shirt still dies.


with clothes and shoes on. ya


I would like to draw attention to the fact that we just invented a new cheese


Because he wants the succulent karma by making some bullshit up about crying.