yo why are you breaking rule number one and harrassing and bullying her then bro?


philosophy, peace, and the ability to rationally discuss 'deep' topics without it devolving into a meme and novelty account filled shitfest?


Only true redditors will get that rice reference.

//A true redditor


The Sun makes you squint?


Excuse me? I flirted with him. He had a hot girl paying attention to him for a few weeks. We both got what we wanted, and it was consensual. I don't know what your problem is kid. Girls need nice hair because guys are shallow. Blame your own sex for this poor guy's misfortune.


'I'm glad you are clever, men fuck pretty idiots but marry girls like you. Just try not to be yourself around them you are a bit of an odd one' - My grandmother... She was surprised I didn't take it as a compliment.


You might be surprised. My professor is on a lecture tour and has a bestselling book, he fills auditoriums with hundreds of people who want to hear what he says about photography.

I listened to my professor back in art school and I became a professional photographer and I've had a 30 year career in the business. What have you done lately, besides flame me?


People get help from the government now but during the Great Depression in the 30s there was no help.  I think it was much worse then.  I'm sure a lot of people went hungry.


Mr_Casual.

Dr.Mr_Casual.

Dr.Professor Mr_Casual.

Will you be my father?


Cleaning up your credit?


Or ... maybe his dad rapes him and no one else knows. :)

I was asking the OP, not some random dickweed.  Now shut the fuck up.

p.s. OP I reported your thread for sharing personal information.  I hope you get banned.


I cannot confirm or deny this.


Nope, not enough. Do not step foot in my place even if workers left the door open and you're trespassing to let me know people can easily trespass. This woman is creepy.


Such a pain when roads go missing like that


Yeah, we should elect dog fuckers and pedophiles, because that's their private life.

If she were a Republican, people would be clamoring for personal attacks.


"Are you not entertained?! Is this not why you are here?!"


LmAo AnoThEr LiiiiiiNkeR FoR DeLiiiiiiCiiiiiiiiiiOuS KaRmA... FuCk YoU !


Somebody gave you Reddit gold, as a reminder that no one is going to pay your bills, but some people have enough spare money to waste it on artificial shit, just to spite you.

So yeah, congratulations on the gold.


Is this a new way of insulting by complementing my huge dick?

If so, then you, sir, have a loveable and touchable cock that sprinkles satisfaction on the lucky few.


There's no good SFs. KD hurt,PG hurt, Melo hurt. and Kawhi isn't a great passer


at what point do i transition to a fist


To be fair, I don't really give a shit because tomorrow is my last day.


Right, magic, got it.


MOMMY I WANA PWAY OUTSYD CAWSE YOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


**BANJO INTENSIFIES**


Your anger is seething through this post. Try not to damage your vascular system with that rage.


Threaten to no re-elect them.  That works every time.


They exist.  I have some, you have to keep them in a bag and they're a weird shape, but they're fine.


Wow, it must be really hard to kill one guy with twelve others. You should be proud of your accomplishments. Kind of like that one time the Seahawks beat the Broncos when only Eli Manning was playing with no support. Shucks man if only he was good enough.


I've never used Tinder because I don't have Facebook.

(And also because I'm married.)


Here's hoping you get that free copy of "how to make friends and influence people" sooner rather than later. You seem to need it.


You're not seriously telling me that reddit gold is tree fiddy.


Whatever it is, it itches.


this reason is why Marriage sounds terrifying.


No right hand for Jaime! (after it gets cut off)


i would FMKE (fuck marry kill eat) Pam


...What? It makes more sense than what he normally says anyway :/

EDIT: Y'all are racists to down vote this. WHY CAN'T JAX BE BLACK HUH??


it was great, but i TOTALLY thought they said i was going to work with santa.


Ahem. Is that kind of language really necessary? Watch it.


"And it has to start with the first letter of your name." *Groan.*


You got down votes dood


Pay 20p to get a free white round sticker with "The Pony Club" written on in pen and an invisible membership to absolutely nothing.


*Cough* Mark Zuckerberg

Edit: since people find Mark a bit much, how about Elizabeth Holmes?


Pro-tip from a Mom, use them to wipe everything as well! You might not have time to shave your legs with a new baby but you can at least keep that shit clean.

Edit: Also works great to clean up semen afterwards.


Did I accidentally stumble into 4chan?


Well there's this thing. [Unit 731](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unit_731). More people should know about this.


Of course Reddit will upvote this racist, misogynistic trash, under the guise that it is a funny *hee hee* **racist** joke. It's not. Downvotes for you.


That was a pretty clever tactic. I'm impressed.

edit: wordswap


funny how android just does things so much better than apple now. since Jobs is gone the quality of all their products is really falling, hard.

apple was supposed to be market leader but its been a trend follower for a few years straight now.


*swoon* Bill responded.

Marked it on my calendar!


Hey at least I don't delete my comments.

http://i.gyazo.com/76e360911c06f0ed7403b16423439764.png


 1: Hey let's invite Bill to come out with us.

 2: Nah man, fuck Bill.

 1: Wait why? Since when have you had a problem with Bill?

 2: Took my socks bro.


You sound like a sensitive 16 year old.


It's just age. I'm 44. I guess my face/eyes/cheeks sag a bit now. I have learned to accept it and be thankful that I can still skate for living.


le me used to help le ted mosby, but then le me took le arrow to le knee! [#leLOL!](http://www.reddit.com/r/lelelele)


My wife works with a girl who keeps unsigned divorce papers on the refrigerator to remind her husband to stay in line. I can't even begin to get my head around that situation.


WAHHHHHHH THERE IS NO SOURCE WAHHHHHHHH cry cry cry, pout, pout, pout.


Well I am willing to offer to chip in on a new monitor, but if reddit gets you a flat panel lcd where will you put your collection?


I used to think electricity was straight up sketch, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


Not creepy. Fuck that teacher.


Agree, making fun of loser stoners is always funny. FUCK THOSE FAGGOTS.


They poop out a little dude.


Actually, Saving Private Ryan is my favorite movie of all time, followed by Godfather Part I and II.


to the point of no longer adding anything useful to the discussion?


I'll bet you don't find it funny. Tumblr wasn't enough for you guys so you had to take Reddit too.


Doesn't Matter, Had Fruit by the Mile.

Not going to lie, this might not catch on outside of this context.


He seriously needs to alpha the fuck up.


wow... so she basically almost killed herself because she was a greedy little cunt.


I had my dad send me this photo because his camera quality was much better than mine. Had I used my phone, you would not have been able to see what the man was even holding. This happened in a McDonalds in Baudette, Minnesota after a fishing trip. I'll get accused of lying because internet, but oh well.

EDIT: a word


"Yea, of course!"
*clears history*


No product reviews?

look left

look right

order item

... FOR SCIENCE!


for a second I thought you meant they needed permits to screw


Sarcasm over typed formats is stupid. I stand by my previous statement. Way to give the little genius a way to get out of looking like an idiot.


Have officially spent too much time trying to do this. It turns out more like a pleased shudder


Who is being elitist, I just feel he used the wrong terminologies is all.


I remember seeing a documentary where a man got breast implants, where they actually showed the surgeon putting them in. While the nipples were seen as male, they were unedited. The doctor then made his cut, slid the implants in and BAM - the nipples were censored.


providing 'personal' data to governments (or anyone really) does not limit your freedom in any way whatsoever. Your freedom is only limited when the entity that has obtained the data uses it as coercion for compliance against your will.

If any data leaves my brain, I don't consider it private, especially if it gets transferred to a device with internet access.


when they're beating up minorities duh


So *that's* how movies work... Thanks for clearing that up for me.


Hey guys, does anyone else hate Beiber/Twilight/Nicki Minaj?


>Revolution.

Wow, you're a delusional little nigger faggot. Go get AIDS in your IRL Raids. I seriously hope you're not older than 15 though.


I'm reading your AMAA while smoking and suddenly I feel ashamed.


Let's try it again.
> Here's the link to the 1997 data on it, which I suspect is taken while an inmate is being processed

You can "suspect" anything you want, but it *says* "inmates".  You're gonna have to say more than "I suspect" to make an argument.  There is no reason to "suspect" that "inmates" means new inmates.


9 you're fine, 10 you're mine.


I'll grant you that they went a bit overboard, but do you seriously think the litigations were completely unfounded? Just a trick? Apple had no cause to take action against Samsung ripping off their designs?


As a person who sexually identifies as Scalekin, I find OP's comment offensive.


I've ah... Got some bad news for you


Does he have kids? I don't know. But if he does have kids, and he makes them dinner, what happens if they don't like it? "Dad, the roast is a bit dry" "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!"


Presenting Captain Nitpick!


BRB, Helping my wife poop.


If your child is vaccinated, what do you fear?


I...honestly was. Thank you.


He should submit this to r/Jokes_From_9GAG_II_WILL_FUCKING_CUT_YOU.

haha!

----------------------

Hop on over to **9GAG** and join in on all the fun!


Your post had 12 letters in it, that's one more than 11 and my daughters age is 9.

9 + 11 = 9/11, **TOO SOON**


Really?  I've had to experience the death of a best friend at a relatively young age in life, and parents, even if they have other children (which my friends didn't), never really get over it.  They will usually go onto afford whatever they can to make anything their child did, was, or what they like to memory.

This is simply that 'power of love' at work.


Me too, I'm really sick of all the idiots who hopped on the bandwagon after their latest album dropped.
Besides, they sold out and went commercial, so fuck dazesoft!


50k reddit karma.

What an insane question to ask a response to on reddit.


Except in reality they just fight over Tommy the Turtle and remember why they got divorced.

EDIT: I apologise for my inadequate knowledge of beanie babies. They're going to fight over Speedy the Turtle.


God, no.

Do not walk around the club with a cup catching your drips.

It confuses the Bloody Mary drinkers.


I said he was an asshole, didn't I?


You can rest better knowing a white woman wasnt impregnated by a black guy? You realise that just because he was photoshopped in doesnt necessarily  make his dick smaller in the actual picture he came out of. No sir, my rest will still not be easy tonight.


I prefer keys to a shiny, new Australia.


Because I am training to be a Navy SEAL, I can confirm that I am actually more than u atleast lmfao


9 out of 10 men jerk off. The other one is a fucking liar.


So what is your point? Christian =automaton?


"-Sincerely, Reddit."


today, op was a nigger

edit... guys it was a joke stop downvoted me


"You're so quiet....WHATS WRONG?"


This sounds like a joke that's been passed around the interwebs for a while and everyone says it thinking they're the first to use it.


Hey so I know we're in love and all, and that our families don't approve.  I'm going to pretend to die but listen very carefully....I'M NOT ACTUALLY DEAD.  I'm going to take this stuff that makes me fall into a death like sleep.  But I'll be awake in a few hours. I just didn't want you to come find me, get all deperessed, and then kill yourself for real.

Remember, I'M NOT ACTUALLY DEAD.


I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND.  IT'S **NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.**


'Poor man cries as stranger takes back shoes'


Yeah this is rough. Thinking of bailing - deleting my comment. I'm at -22 and counting. Maybe I should edit it and put in something about correlation coefficients.

Anyway, hold tight, the evening crowd will be coming online soon. We might hit triple digits at this rate.


You realize that everyone around you is completely naked, having nothing but thin cloth between you, right?


Scumbag Pythagorean cup:  Too much water?  I will empty the entire cup.


My contribution to this thread is actually just Skylar in general.


>which as you should know as a gamer is total bullshit

of course it isnt better, but it is pretty funny to watch dorks foam at the mouth over it.

edit: see this is what im talking about lmao


I am genuinely touched that you fixed this for me.  I will now be able to see my mom for the beautiful lady she was and not see the reminder of the lung cancer.  Thank you.


With the hipster and metrosexual culture we have here at Berkeley, it's not surprising that the males would be if anything more fearful than the girls at this unfortunate event.


You're doing perfectenschlag.


I deem it so in my magnanimity


Call MIT. We have reached absolute zero.


rofl, ok, post your logs let us judge you.


*covers for electronic test equipment for the auto industry


It's already got to the point where the bans have spammed it so it's difficult to see other messages. Is there an option to auto-hide ban messages in modmail?


You know what they call people that use the pull out method?  Parents.


Can I steal that for the week too?


In a room with a girl?


Much funnier than anything shsks has ever commented


Nice try, secret robed cult member.


Or, you know, realise that people like this exist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYPC-YMdJFI

And then come to the conclusion that maybe the gamer crowd can be pretty toxic towards women.


Don't forget to sue your old doctor, because america.


I second that edit - woooooow, well that was a mistake haha


Someone will get 2,000 upvotes by converting this into an image.


I'm "totally wrong".  Thank you, Bill Shakespeare, for that cunning analysis and completely justified response.


"Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened" - JustNinerThings


Nope, grew up with a SAHD who was focused his time on his child, rather than balance multiple full-time jobs like childcare AND maid AND chef.

I sure hope you don't have children!


Social hegemony is much better understood looking up from the bottom, than looking down from the top. Even in the microcosm of high school.

EDIT: I can't spell.


I'm sorry, is it really that hard to pick out 25 upper classmen who would probably go in the First Round the next year? It's not like they didn't have years in their body of work and that it isn't, you know Kiper's job.


OMG totes, bro. I guess that's why he colluded to get on a team with Wade and Bosh. Because he likes to be the underdog. Makes sense.


Many of my age group, under thirty, have grown up with all media free at their finger tips. Napster, limewire, torrenting, the internet, youtube, we want our content with no charge, with ads, and then we want to block those ads.

That's why people think this way.


I've studied the Mens Rights Movement extensively. It is nothing more than a hate movement determined to put women back into the 1950s socially.


My wife wants nothing to do with sex while on her period.

Her favorite activities during this time are curling up into a ball on the couch, and hating me.

Good times.


Oh boy, a stupid novelty account. How witty and original.


Oscar's reaction definitely sold it

Edit: Oscar deserves an Oscar for that


That is barely an advantage.  Windows will install fresh over itself and rename anything that conflicts with the fresh install.


"Live long and prosper" -Obi Wan Kenobi


I have a feeling these reviewers are hiding something about its performance.


Libraries are horrible and the people who work in them, with the exception of Shirley Jones, are the scum of the earth. Book-peddling, cum-belching street whores. Is, I think, the reason.


As in not here to just shit all over the community.


"Have you been jobhunting today yet?"

"It's 8 AM!"


> Stupid old man. You have one foot in your grave and you've still learned no sense.

The man's apparently a perv, but why resort to agism? Pervs like him cover all age groups.


You have a super-power!


I never thought Bojan would make it big. The kid had/has skills, but just by watching him play I knew he was missing that special something.


Sounds like somebody just realized ignorance is bliss.


If I were a Patriot, I probably wouldn't say that out loud.

EDIT - Jesus christ people are jumping to conclusions.  I wasn't accusing anyone of anything, I don't think the Pats misused any tape here.  I was making a joke.  You know, that thing where someone makes a funny reference and people laugh?


That was like South Park level bad Japanese lol. Let's go everybody kenka suru!


nope.. it's a bug on dota since 2 years now


>Columbus was an idiot.

As a history teacher, I have to tell you that your assessment of Columbus is wholly incomplete and doesn't nearly do justice to history.

Columbus was an idiot AND a murderous bastard.

Now we have a more complete history.


Why? It's a broken mechanic with marginal utility. Practice your neutral game scrub.


YOU THINK YOU GANGSTA NIGGA? DO MY TAXES!


Upvotes, please take them.


He should interview politicians.


what the fuck? are you trying to trick them into getting an abortion? or were you to stupid to read how they do not want one. stay well away from any PP clinic please; for yours and the baby's sake.


With skin as pure and white as snow


Meh, princess Madeline of Sweden is prettier. I really want her and Kate Middleton to be best friends so that they can go on pretty princess adventures and stuff.


You know how your legs bend one way? Well, her legs bent the other way. Which is bad enough, but her face while it's happening ... I'm glad there was no audio.


This is groundbreaking news orange cats are all males   Quick upvote to front page.  Lame lame lame


That's what I want in interviews. People being honest. Seems like every late night talk guest is phony and scripted


>LoL is just like DotA

not even close.

thats like saying " starcraft is just like command and conquer"


I can relate. I ignored my SO for one entire day because he said he would get me a chocolate sundae from a mcdonalds drive thru on our way home and as we were passing it, he says JUST KIDDING SUCKERRRR.

So i ignored him for an entire day until i went out the next day and got myself a sundae. I still dont really forgive him for this loll.


I actually wanted to see how many down votes it will get


The suspense is killing me.


I really doubt you'd survive. We noped the fuck out of there so fast for that very reason


DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE I FUCKING HATE OP


eh, i laughed like 3 times, i don't really feel bad for torrenting it


I'm a pirate lawyer who copyrights on occasion.


I always assume it's a fucking videogame.


this is a fucking dumb stereotype that isn't even a good question. What would the answer to this question fuckin solve


...so the 'helicopter it and hope it doesn't get in your eye' technique is not recommended?


dude, you literally epitomize troll.  its not even a question at this point.


Where do you think the afro was?


I used to change my socks everyday, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Dude, your ironic plot twist makes me sad.


I will eat your muthafookin face off, bro.


Yes, of course! It's nice to know that people are interested and concerned in someone they don't know. Most elderly are depressed because they can't do most of the things they loved to do anymore. You guys comfort me. It's nice to know that people still care about someone like me.


I'm currently eating sour skittles


Context for people who didn't work in movie theaters, the managers inventory every cup and popcorn container at the start and end of each shift to be sure that every one that goes out is paid for. It's why the employees can't give you an extra cup.


well they're all good with men rape everyone all the time, it only suddenly becomes an issue when you throw penis mutilation into it


We men are very much about the small gains. Slight success? Celebrate for weeks.


I used to be incased in kryptonite, but then I took and arrow to the knee.

*edit: Guys, if you don't get it it's a joke about a meme from skyrim and I added it to starwars so it might be confusing. Stop downvoting guys, upvote if you get the joke!*


According to his [Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlie_LeDuff) page, LeDuff has a Pulitzer prize, worked for the NY Times, has covered the war in Iraq, has crossed the border with Mexican migrants, and before he was a journalist he worked as a school teacher and carpenter in Michigan, a cannery hand in Alaska, and as a baker in Denmark.


should have killed the niglet while he had the chance


That's not a stereotype, it's a fact.


Well, I thought it was funny. Wasn't going towards being a dick. I'll just make this my last comment before I dig myself further in a hole. I'll be in the corner if you need me.


I'm pretty sure torturing animals is the sign of a serial killer.


If you read the source code (which you didn't) you'd find out the extension is in fact malicious.


If you have an only child or first child, it's highly advantageous to get them to play around slightly older children.  Nothing motivates the little kid more than to see another kid doing those impossible grown-up tricks like walking and talking and building models and going to school.


What so thousands of people a mile long marching in the street is not a story?

So pictures are no longer to be included in newspapers?

since we already have subreddits for every other specific type of stories why exactly does R/news need to exist then?
Ya voll!


You would need two Mexicans as well.


There was a bar at the bottom. It says school.failblog.org on a pencil.


As an ornithologist I approve this message.


> thrown shade

can you explain what you mean, but in "english" rather than in "stupid"?


NO PHARRELL THAT IS JUST A FENCE OR WALL.


She retains the copyright to her images. She may use them as she sees fit that doesnt give you the right to use them.


The Mongolians would win gold every year.


>yeah what if he's a genius
I think the word your looking for is creep


YOU ARE ALL DOING IT WRONG.
SHUT DOWN ALL  THE PORN FOR 10 MINUTES

***YOU WILL GET 100,000,000 ANGRY FAPPERS CALLING CONGRESS***

edit: check out /r/ [OPERATION_COCKBLOCK](http://www.reddit.com/r/Operation_CockBlock/)


On Reddit today:
Insufferable nerds bitching about things that couldn't possibly matter less.


No doubt. But, IMO, they took the easy way.


Can't you get on the sex offender registry for urinating in public?


Did you read the other comments? We were there a long time ago.


And then we *argue about it*


so rude when i was trying to be nice..


>Saw him 5 days before he died. Feels bad, man.

Just be thankful you didn't see him 5 days after he died. I hear he was nowhere near as entertaining.


Well I think it's a pretty silly for him to assume I am completely single, but I am aware that people rarely behave logically, so you're right, I probably should have mentioned that I have a boyfriend. I will tell him if I decide against radio silence. Thanks for your insight.


At first I thought when you said 'there are a lot of us' you meant you were a cannibal


Good thing she died before I could get my hands on her. ZING!


Sounds even better in other languages. Like in Russian, Joseph Stalin.


Go on, go on, I'm not done yet...


apology for poor english

when were you when boner dies?

i was sat at nudist beach gazing at marvelus boobi when friend shout

‘boner is kill’

‘no’


Removing that post goes to show that the mods themselves are possibly bioware fanboys and will not tolerate anything against bioware even if if they employ retarded people, also, even if the post was basically a joke. There was no threat made against her, just some jokes, are we seriously this thin skinned on the internets?


This is why I clip mine to my testicles.


Probably more than literally everyone else including Richard Garfield. In case you don't know he's the head designer of the game and has been for a very long time.


Normally once the shoe comes off, that's the end. one hell of a close call.


I think that intellectuals that believe in the freedom of speech need to run a campaign to _never_ flag nsfw images that include naked people.

These prudish and puritanical elements of american society are globally harmful and should not infect the internet or the rest of the world.


*Sweet Dee dates a retarded person*


LOL it isnt choped. I saw this on a question and I immediatly thought to put it here


She thought she was hitting on her nephew.


No, I am just saying that it's funny that they banned for expressing my opinion.


While we weren't given any information on the inmates, sometimes certain inmates would stick out in my mind that I'd go home and find the information. The worst I found was one guy that killed a child, skinning it while it was still alive. I tried not talking to him anymore.


Public place. No permission needed.

Edit: Downvoting me because what? Because i stated a fact that you didn't like? Grow the fuck up already.


Hi. A question for Miss Kunis. In episode 2F09 when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib twice in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is some sort of a magic xylophone or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.


Because jailbait isn't pedophilia right?


Seems like a fair compromise.


Wow, you cockbags really like to downvote people for daring to have a different opinions.

I don't watch Jon Stewart anymore. He's a partisan rabble rouser and you guys are a bunch of fanboy retards too dumb to spot a scam.


Yeah it was bullshit. They got in a lot of trouble for it and the gay kid's parents talked about suing the school. He wouldn't let them though, he said it was a relief and brought his boyfriend to homecoming the following fall.


Thanks SubredditDrama for once again validating our statements with your petulant, childish downvote brigades :) Please remember to not throw food on the floor!


You also share this with Ted Bundy. Do not, under any circumstances, grow up to be Ted Bundy.


>My god you're a horrible person.

My god you're a fucking idiot. I didn't even hurt anybody with my actions. You must live in a goddamned paradise if you think *I'm* a bad person.


They have a point though, if you get charged for murder they don't go out and unmurder your victim.


I honestly have no idea how cats became popular on the internet. In my country we beat cats upon spotting them, just the other day someone on my block found a cat near the main dumpster and put it in a sack and beat the shit out of it with a cricket bat then threw it in the river.


ELI5 what's it like being 6?


When's the last time Arsenal won any silverware again?


Sounds like one office mistress was replaced with another.

The fallout could be epic. Keep us posted.


Oh sounds sexy. Unfortunately, I own no camera.  That badge in the comic is strikingly similar to the one I have in my wallet. Believe it or don't.


This was unfortunately framed and posted at his celebration of life. He passed away due to a subarachnoid hemorrhage on the 2nd of this month.


I still think she's a horrible skanky cunt. What the fuck do people see in her? She's not exceptional in either looks or talent, she doesn't even have any talent at all for fuck's sake! Reddit, you are a bunch of cunts.


Coolest president ever? Coolest president ever.


I used to brush... and then - hairbrush.


Other useful RES tricks:

X opens a picture

[ and ] scrolls through picture galleries

A upvotes, Z downvotes

J is next comment, K is previous

C will take you to the comments page of a link

R will open up the 'reply' box

S will save a comment


Hey guess what asshole: it doesn't matter how many instruments and how much equipment they lost, somebody died.


Her: Let's lay down.
Me: I'm done.


No, it isn't professional at all.


Gloves? You mean pussy mittens?

...No but seriously, this nigga needs to wear some concrete gloves.


I'd imagine push-ups. This chick has 0 tits to show off with.


And annual testing past 65.


"her" feet? I thought it was a man.

Not great hips, big brow ridge, no evidence of breasts, large nose, big hands. haircut looks like a wig.

edit: also I'm pretty sure he's one of the band members on the poster in his hand.


hi. gayfisting.com here..we see brazzers is not helping you out.


Thanks to the customer data. People contacted Netflix and voiced their opinions.


Or 12 here in Spain

Edit yes, my mistake, it's 13 Still works for me


This is an adequate response to a person who just taught you how to search things on the internet.

Wait a minute. No, it's not. Are you from subredditdrama?


> The housing association won't allow for clotheslines as some people find them unsightly.

read: they feel like it makes the neighborhood appear poor


Really? Over 100,000 are signed into Black Ops alone at this very moment. Gaybox fanboy butthurt much?


Side note : The Dark Ages also were only 'dark' for Europe. Asian and Arab civilizations were booming at the time.


Nope, that is a straight-up sexism is stupid answer! /r/MensRights might get a lot wrong, but at least that's one thing we can agree on! Thanks for the sympathy - I don't care about internet points, I just like to make people think :)

I can't IMAGINE anyone upvoting a similar post about a male child, can you?


Oh, damn. That's a good mom right there.


Subscribers to /r/atheism are banned from the AMA. They should be banned from the rest of Reddit, anyway...


Putting a pet to sleep is never easy, but you absolutely did the right thing. Milo was probably thanking you for it.


Hand held systems are not pal or ntsc. Those are video modes for televisions...


It's **purple** drank dammit.


Well, I'm not from US. It was here in local news, tho.


"... you know, first ____ asked his smartest friend to be the best man, and he said no. Than he asked his funniest friend, and he too said no. And again, after being turned down by his richest friend, he finally asked his best looking friend. And, well... I figured I couldn't tell him no four times!"  or something along the lines of that one.


You know, a common theme on the Stormfront forums is the complaint that everyone else assumes they’re all racists, instead of seeing them as the diverse individuals they obviously are. Just saying!


In the military, we used to say the most racist shit to each other. It was a mark of how good of friends we were


or stupid...truly a fine line.


Just FYI: I deliberately avoided the word http://www.reddit.com/r/CGPGrey/comments/2yjs25/this_video_will_make_you_angry/cpa5iii


Oh yeah, because one of the most popular shows in the world needs to be pointed out like some exclusive secret.


And why are people still buying tickets to his shows?


Why do you think it was a tremendous effort? What was so great about playing 10 men **in the penalty box**.

I haven't seen such cowardice in a long time.

I'm happy though cause now all their best players are gonna be watching from the sidelines **LOLZY**

I can already see Casillas lifting the cup!!!


240P Footage, Headcam quality: Roman potato


No, there is no difference.

They're both pedophiles.

Stop enabling women teacher rapists.

Or are you one of those who are for teachers raping kids and getting away with it?


do do do do do dooo, oh honey honey.


what kind of moms are they

[they took  pics of there kids in stupid pose](http://25reasonswhy3.tk/)


Or maybe it's Maybelline


Enough with pimping your garbage NA welfare tourney. This scene is pathetic


THPS2 defined my childhood. So many great memories playing that game with friends. And the music was incredible. Thanks Tony!


As a chick, it amazes me to see the comments about a girl's sexual fantasy. I see so much of boys' fantasies getting upvoted to the top of Reddit and presumably they would like to imagine a girl who wants them as badly as she wants her fantasy man. But OK hate on, you losers.


"Daddy said he had lots of work to do and if they bury him, he can't do it when he wakes up! Stop them, mommy! Daddy has to do his work, he told me! Why are they burying Daddy, Mommy? Why?"


reddit proves yet again that there is no such thing as an original thought.


We thought it was awesome!


A 19 year old shouldn't be in that kind of a relationship with a 15 year old period. This is not hard to understand.


I've been through this many times in the other thread, I'm not being blind.


You sir, are a fantastic teacher.


Not only but pay tends to be lower, too. I know someone that some their $600,000 and bought one on the mainland twice as big for $150,000.


>Can I get a 5 yearer here?

Five years.  And I'm with you.


Fuck reddit's atheist sentiments. You see those "Free Meal Date/TIME" signs all around town. Yeah those are CHURCHES feeding those people.

Atheist have no ground to stand on, they do nothing to help anyone.


I do this also because it's sexy as hell to hear the, "Mhmm," after telling a girl I'm about to cum.


LOL ME TOO (edit: downvotes, really?)


For the ten people who don't know: the *Cardassians* are a race on Star Trek (mostly TNG and DS9); probably the source of the confusion. (I only noticed this last summer, when I re-watched TNG. It was sad to feel my trash-culture senses perk up every time the Cardassians were mentioned. *That* didn't happen back in the 90's.)


Are you really related to Kim Jong ???


HAHAHAAAHHAhaha!  Hiiiya!  Got you, pirate.


LOL they will probably die without ever having sex, like most of reddit LOL


>"You can tell guys you're single, and my next girlfriend wont!"

Perfect.


I know you may be ignorant of Christianity but it's slightly insulting that you think Christ is just any old title.


This is how the Ottoman empire got started.


WHOA HOLY SHIT REDDIT STOLE SOMETHING
CALL THE NEWS THIS NEVER HAPPENS


And +1 for running away, realize he forgot the lady, stop, and go back


nah, nothings wrong, a couple weeks ago, there was a post of GGG saying:
- upvotes comment
- doesnt say "come here to say this"
so i guess everybody had to follow that trend, heres an upvote for you.


with.. lol one word changes you from a European to an alcoholic.


I guarantee you its mostly foreigners that raid rival subs


I think he ran for president before 35


lol'd way too hard x)


Well...I am the one divorcing her due to her alcoholism that hurts my kids... she was mad that I am finally f moving on


What the hell kind of joke is that? You just implied that the man's date was a prostitute.

There's no need for that here on MFA.


Every. Single. Day.

They're mean to each other, man.


I'm amazed at the fact that has no downvotes yet


What a cunt. What a genuine fucking cunt. Not only did he have so little empathy that he would do such a thing in the first place, but was also enough of an absolute bumblefuck that he couldn't even do the job right. That poor wee creature...


Well you sir just made it all worth while.


Oh god no..I would be long gone before anyone calls me that


my favorite term for superjentendo is "Forever Alone"


Not to be mean but you probably should have posted this under a name other that APirateHooker


Yep i'm taking him to a vet today. i want him. my neighbors say he's a goner but i'll show them!


Teach me your ways? I can offer super awesome high fives in return!

Haha I can only imagine the number of votes someone whos actively trying to piss people of gets.


It's actually 8 yards in the NFL, and the reason is because that gives you the greatest pocket protection to get the kick off. If you move it closer, it's more likely to be blocked by a lineman getting his hand up (they usually average about 2 yards of penetration), and if you move it further back it means the edge rushers won't be blocked and can take a straight line angle to the ball.


The Internet is based on Facebook.. Facebook is based on the Internet


i think the foreplay was worse than the kiss honestly.


nobody's bitching, retard. I said "way to go god" and 300 people got bent out of shape. get the fuck over it you stupid cunts.


His wife isn't doing nearly enough chores, either.


then wtf is the point of scoring a goal? I don't understand you Europeans

edit: dammit stop downvoting me it was a joke


"You're at the top of the bell curve!"


It is pretty silly that you haved to historically tolerate ridiculous and demeaning boob physics and shitty outfits to realize the women in the game have depth.


Eminem looks like he told a joke that nobody heard and then someone repeated it louder and everybody laughed

-/r/blackpeopletwitter


At least I'm interesting. Your comment history bored me to tears.

Btw, where did the 'hipster' part come from?


Has candyyyyyyyyy flavored jiiiiiizzzzzzz


You didn't ruin her life, the mentally handicapped baby she had did.


Freakin' double standards.


google 'albino whale'


The dollar no shave club. For pennies a day we'll send you no razors, so you can keep your beard strong and full!


If by **extremely** mildly interesting you mean "who gives a fuck?" then I'd have to agree.


You people are fucking immature assholes


Your dad has probably watched too much Aston Villa.


Translation: We need to be able to rob people so we can continue to protect people from crime. We are so dependant and used to robbing people now, we can't afford to protect you without robbing you.

Remind me to thank the mugger next time.

Edit: Arrrrr matey!


How does anyone find that funny and not just incredibly rude?


Jesus, she was almost our president, show some goddamn respect. Her kids' names are Trorg, Trucknutz, Fimbo, Zippy, and Winkers. It's literally a google search away.


Ahh.. the ol' [Reddit Switcharoo](http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/25600000/Nope-gif-team-fortress-25673931-243-150.gif)


Then the solution is simple: just PUSH the rope!


He has no proof? It's the internet? Of course all he wants is attention and karma. Bullshit, I corrected a grammar.


As an environmental remediation scientist, I would guess that the resulting remediation from this would cost approx $10k-$100k, depending on soil conditions and if it was near a building.


The assassin in the middle...


She didn't even have to do it - She just set it up so the *kid* did it! The perfect "crime"!


I downvoted the thread for the same reason... it isn't exactly the fastest EVER, making this video beyond pointless.

Edit: got downvoted for opinion... gg circlejerk


A massive amount of rustled jimmies.


I'm not repeating that shit.  Read it again fuckface.


On the Tonight Show tonight after the game, Jimmy Fallon had an amazing line. "And there was a fight at the end of the game between some players from the Seahawks and Patriots, and I'm not saying it's embarrassing for the Seahawks, but the Patriots won that too."


thank you, I had just about given up hope for this sea of stupidity. ( i mean, like all this bullshit aside, with the ellipsis and me saying "naturally" does it make it pretty clear that i was joking?)


the hammer is my penis.

Also, /r/bigdickproblems


Nope.......Chuck Testa;-) !


He's still my favorite character aside from Glenn.

I don't like that they don't have an actual moral center to the group anymore. They keep using religious people to play on that but it's not exactly the same thing. The show is great but I would have loved him to stay, a couple more seasons at least.


Nope I didn't. But you're an obviously bitter little boy.


Bite the beret, jamies goin in dry.


Are you saying the movie characters are perfect? What?


How do move hands? Fins too big.


That means less than nothing.


Michelangelo, Raphael, Leonardo, and Donatello all loved pizza so to them you are the true artist.


None of you would think this character was funny if he was mocking something like African people or Chinese people instead of Swedish people. This is a racist muppet.

EDIT: I've been brigaded by SJWs/SRS.


Fun fact. Cats sleep 2/3 a day. Meaning that if a cat is 6 years old, a cat has spent dreaming 4 years. Pretty cool, huh?


lol i rankled your jumpies scrubsfag


Yes, and so does she :)


It happens people park in handicapped, for whatever reason... its ok... whens the last time you seens EVERY handicapped spot filled? NOT ONCE. ITS ok.. if you HATE HATE HATE HATE so much call the police.. make a big scene out of it and get on with your life.. or you could just keep on walking and ignore it..


BEST KOREA MESSAGE LOG:

[5:38]: South Korea shall be a sea of fire.

[5:46]: Hey you guys get that message?

[6:14]: Stalin didn't buy us any iPads, so I can't use messenger, sorry.

[9:57]: Hahaha bro that was so funny!!

[9:57]: Sorry wrong number :P


sry about that hehehe
at least its a good outro music :)


How did the cops know princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders on the dashboard.


I'd be willing to bet he took it in the head. Pow.


So we can't see the lizard people's flying saucers naturally.

Jeez, wake up sheeple.


i think you don't have any friends. enjoy your app


"Haha let's get in the bath!"

"Uh. I don't really think--"

"That wasn't a request, Billy..."


So you're immune to diseases if you drink raw milk? Thanks OBAMA


So, basically 4chan and /b/ are the true faces of life?


I used to notice this in my general status quest, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Thank you for this.  I now have a canned response to how bad a movie was and will milk it for as much as I can get out of it.

I am a huge copycat.


wow this is just horrible you shouldnt be treting kids that way against their will. i hope their parents sue you.

*i guess you guys are dving me coz i'm right but i can just dv all of you to


there's not really a whole lot to do on my homeworld. the closest shopping mall is 12 parsecs away, and I'm not old enough to drink yet.


Fuck you man. Assange is God, thanks to him the world of tomorrow will be peaceful. If you don't like why don't you get your ass out of America, the land of the free?


Oh man, I'm in there like three times a day just because it feels so good.

Half the responses: "eargasm!"

Other half of the responses: "you're going to die tomorrow"


Were you born after the millennium?


But you looked at yours all the time?


Choice & Consequence if it really must be spelled out.


The proper term is "defenestrated."


I meant in general, but thanks for telling me to get real, haven't heard that in a long time. Are you a time traveler from the 90s? That'd be the bomb!


To kiss your ass goodbye.


I'm not watching that whole thing.


http://i.imgur.com/a3Uxj2V.png

“You gotta give me back my floor!  My customers are walking around on the pipes.” – Moe

“Hey, next time, pay your bills.” – Repo Depot Guy

“But I don’t want to!” – Moe


I guess you can say that is some... *puts on sunglasses* false information. YEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!


Instead of ending DST, make it permanent. It solves the problem of switching times and lets everyone in northern areas have a bit more daylight at the end of a winter day. Seriously, it sucks when it's dark at 5 pm.


Does fraud mean a shot to the head?  Then yes, I'll have 2 to go please.


I think they prefer to be called Oompa-Americans


youre gonna die. no one will be a match. a gamefag like you though wouldnt contribute anything to the world anyway. DIE NERD! DIE


Meth. Not even twice.


> He could have ended up crashing into someones home and killing someone.

Yeah, let's start charging people for crimes they 'could have' committed.


Judging by your name, it just might be the only thing.


You need to be at the top.


ha that went over my head as a kid but now I realize its a pulp fiction reference


You have a computer... use that computer to get a decent job... use that job to buy a plane ticket, and a meal.  Fly to this restaurant, eat your dinner.  Congratulations, you are now the luckiest man in the world!


It is extremely racist to not touch a black person if you have the opportunity.


No not her. Superdyke gets to blab enough in front of an audience of mega-lesbians, she does not need another outlet.

Nothing against her personally, or her sexuality, but if I want to see a bunch of hens clucking about a worm in the coop i'll go watch the neighbours' chookhouse.

Also, I've seen her comedy. Not my cup of tea.


Sperm makes better eggs than eggs?


those weird cage people most definiatly are in the books


I bet they try to get you REALLY drunk at parties.


>I think this should be posted to /r/AskShittyScience

FTFY


Difference is, Santa delivers once a year.


Yea that's what your offensive line is for. And if they get stuck really hard it's roughing the passer. It seems like overkill.


2/10

8/10 with rice

Thank you for your suggestion.


It is not a concert.  It is an art festival.  How are you people so uneducated?

edit:  Screw you downvoters.  He doesn't know what he is talking about.


He laughs photogenically. It's like the sound of a unicorn having an orgasm as a bag of Doritos was opened while a kitten meowed. It then started raining Nutella and a double rainbow created a halo of awesome around his head.

Then he smiled and broke the universe.

EDIT: [A few refreshes, and I got it just right.](http://awesomescreenshot.com/0223na286)


When it's made in America, you're stuck adjusting to the Americans. This is how the colonies all over the world felt, being dictated to by Europe for hundreds of years.


Of all the things you might fire out of a cannon, why did you choose something that contains corrosive liquids? Just use a potato like the rest of us.


Wait, she was having sex with you, which was cool, but then you found out she had sex with someone OTHER THAN YOU? What a whore! Women should know to only have sex with you!


"rolled up the sleeve?"


Okay, hold on, let me get this straight... so you're saying someone who has a DICK... not a VAGINA or FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS, has no idea what he's talking about?  My whole world is turned upside down.


My school's unofficial motto is "a ring by spring or your money back." I feel like I am the only one in South Carolina that doesn't want to be married at 20...

EDIT: For those that are asking, I go to North Greenville University in the Middle of Nowhere, SC.

And someone already made the MRS degree joke. You can stop that.


>Tom Riddle

FTFY


Yes he has, your mom.


**I JUST ATE AN POO**


Really?

I think the guys should be named (Anon will do this anyway) and kicked out of school.  I wouldn't want these douchebags near me or anyone I care about.


What's the difference between dead baby and dead elephant jokes?

I'm actually joking about the dead elephants.


If you're both awkward and good looking, you fail at life.


Onceinablue, Moon

New, Moon

Overthe, Moon


YEAH. KILL THE BAD PEOPLE. THEY THINK THEY CAN WALK AWAY FROM THEIR CAGE AND LIVE? FUCK THAT, THOSE DOGS SHOULD ROT.

LOLOL I HAVE REALISTIC COMPASSION TOWARDS MY FELLOW HUMANS


I'm now imagining little bulldozers and cranes working and beeping about inside your wife. This pleases me.

EDIT: I'm amused that the comment that has gotten me the highest karma is related to building a baby with construction equipment.


Perhaps if Zoe had worked harder when developing as a fetus, she wouldnt need other people who developed their organs properly to help fix hers.

I wish people could just show a little empathy families that get shafted like this.


O+ here, carrots as far as the eye can see.


Such a well thought typed comment.  Thanks for your input.


I actually have lotion next to my computer and it is only for skin.  I'm acutely aware that no one thinks that's true, but I never remember to hide it when I have people over :(


Try to figure this out.  You're telling somebody to be *more* of a man, meaning that being a man is a:

A. Good thing

B. Bad thing

50% chance of passing this quiz.


There are definitely toxins in your body that need to be cleansed out.  It's a miraculous process we call "pissing and shitting".   It does not require 4 easy payments of $29.95.


The 50 lbs was the total amount I sold over a one or two year period, including all boxes and the packaging materials.   They were so dangerous that I stored them in my own bedroom next to my own bed. At the same time dozens of other companies including www.cabelas.com were selling the exact same thing and shipping them through the mail.  Go shill somewhere else.   - Roger Ver


Burned by Larry King.

This is the best.


the first one is only funny if you actually know what punani means...


>I picked at her in a joking way for the two years we were dating about it all the time and she'd throw pillows at me and shit all the time. I still find it oddly hilarious that she farted on me.

... And shit all the time...

.. Shit all the time...

.. All the time...

E: My first gilding.  Thanks anonymous benefactor!


What kind of a sibling are you anyway? Is your sister ill and in need of medical care? Why are you so indifferent?


In russia.. We shop like this:

1. Enter store
2. Buy item, keep receipt
3. Couple days later go back to store. Bring just the receipt.
4. Pick up identical item you bought before
5. Go to checkout and say you want to return item
6. Show receipt as prooof
7. Get money back
8. You have won


Your religion is stupid.


Tommy Wiseau, right?


fuck off did you get that logical and helpful comment from youtube.


What's the difference between entity i and entity j? There exists a difference that is humorous


 Die cis scum.

JK. I do wish you would stfu forever though.


                    _
                   /  \
                  /|ಠಠ \
                 (_|  /_)
                   `@/  \    _
                   |     \   \\
                    \||   \   ))
                    |||\ /  \//
                  _//|| _\   /
                 (_/(_|(____/


can you see new gettysberg? =P


Excuse my grammar, still learning to speak better english.


Yeah because everyone that started the hate is realizing they're broke as fuck as adults and JB doesn't give a shit because he can retire before 30.


I don't think shaving has anything to do with hygiene, you can shave as much as you want, if you don't practice washing your lady bits then that's bad hygiene. Trimming is definitely the best option when it comes to ingrown hair, I'd rather have hair than have my mons pubis looks like a war zone.


I used to have Boneitis, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Scott....the Red Baron of wingmen


The odds of getting caught drinking and driving are around .02% and the odds of actually injuring someone are much much lower than that. Why does everyone have to blow this out of proportion all the time. Honestly, if you are blackout drunk don't get in the car, but if you can think reasonably straight you'll be fine.


That's all I got here in the states was "Stop, Drop, and Roll"


Another upvote for you, my good sir.


wow who called the fun police


I used to post a bunch of As, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


that just makes you Batman


ERNDERD, MAH THERGHTS ERXERCTLER.


Instant toothpick! Even if I don't need to pick anything I'll slide them in and out of my teeth in my mouth. THEY"RE MY NAILS DONT JUDGE HOW I USE THEM! Plus if I eat them I feel like I'm recyclying the nail material so I don't have to waste protein building new ones \#allforthegains


it's a child bro. fly you fools, fly.


"How to tell girlfriend you have AIDS"


Such big words for a 7th grader.

I bet you just like using those words in front of your friends. Makes you look tough and sound like such a hardass!


I...I had never thought of that.


Heaven forbid a graphics card company attempt to promote PC gaming.

You can disable that shit by clicking one checkbox, you lazy retard.


There was a lady psychic in Miami who walked off my show when I asked how she  was able to get into the head of Jackie Kennedy when there were millions of people between us and Jackie Kennedy. She didn't like that. I'm not a fan of psychics.


Yeah if people are asking for a Red Dead Redemption 2 rather than a Red Dead Redemption 3.


That's stupid. Everybody knows homeless people hibernate in the winter.


Well we know the second one isn't true.
Edit: yes yes. Let the fanboyism fuel your down votes.


This is not getting off to a very good start...


That's not correct. A law is something taken to be true without a doubt and a theory is an explanation supported by a growing body of evidence.


mmmhhhmmm yes, i know some of these words.


I doubt he was *shell shocked* from one event


Well... frankly... I'm not sure if it matters any more. The company that I work for was recently purchased by a company that owns a lot of the tube sites, so I suspect that somehow the piracy may actually be funding the production now. I don't claim to have any clue what their business model is or how it works, but it must work for them to have the money to buy up half the industry.


This is adorable. I think I'm going to encourage your little conspiracy theory.


By the look of it, the thug life didn't choose him either.


Interesting you use the "Immaculate" (meaning holy) In an atheist quote...


We'll have to ask Kevin's parents just to be sure.


Yeah, I guess r/magicTCG is a bunch of children.


From the Warhamster gaming forums?


I hate pedestrians.. If you can't afford a car,  leave this country. we don't need anymore lazy poor people dragging down the economy. Should start removing sidewalks and cut public transit in my opinion, make sure those bums know know they're not wanted.


I don't know the Western world.


He was garbage.

Grow a set of balls and man-up Sanjay.

"Oh no!  I don't want the 15000lb-test-line to break!"

Dumbshit.  Use that big Indian brain of yours and THINK.  Let go of your puny fears.


Hahahahahaha, he doesn't know how to use the three seashells!


It goes all the way to Antarctica!


They're sisters, not twins.


No, your pets ARE NOT your children. They are your pets.

[Here you go.](http://www.adoption.com/)


"That's just R. Kelly, dear."


The only thing my father helped me with was the processor and I paid him back. I worked for the money doing odd jobs and such.


Dude, you need to learn to say NO sometimes. Seriously.


Points for using correct English, unlike a large majority of the rest of Reddit.


No, they're just stuck together gravitationally.


And my account is only 12 days old.  Thanks for memorizing the internet though.


You shop at Nordstrom? I shop at Nordstrom! We should totally hang out!


Actually no, we have had requests to reinstate this feature for months. But, it is a happy accident that it was so close to your post! :D

Beautiful job! Thank you for playing in our RGD graveyard! :)


That's hauntingly beautiful


Yo FNG you are lucky we didn't ask you to go test fuses with a mallet. :)


Damn, that's a *way* better explanation. I wish they would have used it.


Sure does.  Does your name imply that you are a homosexual man that hangs around with a woman to make him appear straight?
[See #'s 1 and 2](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=beard)


1. That is the pre-tax price.

2. Purchases on Credit or Debit cards aren't rounded.


I downvoted it Because it's stupid and boring and he probably deserved it.


"The only way for me to solve this crisis is to be Superman 4: The Quest for Peace."


Guess I'm a grade a prick. You too, can fuck off. You get a middle finger, YOU GET A MIDDLE FINGER! Where's that fat bitch Oprah when you need her?


This story confounds me.


did you read the article?  They took at least 2 overnight trips alone together, and were frequently alone together.  This is not that kind of case.  Read the article.

EDIT: Wow, can you mod me down more?  Fucking pedophiles


We're known as 'Australians' these days


Whatever works for you.


Well keep in mind that the show is hosted by the BBC. A government organization in a country where dog breeds are considered "illegal" and need to be euthanized in some parts of the country.


but really where do I sign up


It's a marriage. You can't jump ship once shit gets hard. You're right, otherwise, but he and her need to work this out.


"Yeah, better business bureau, it's me again.  You'll never guess what I read on reddit.  I want these guys shut down immediately!"

Edit:  I'm getting quite a bit of hate for saying "Better Business Bureau" rather than "Health Department" which is who one should apparently file the complaint with.  To those people, I say: You completely missed the joke.  Congratulations.


No thanks, I'm not gay.


Wow, sounds like a case of *sunglasses* twisted fate.

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!


Ah, St. Faggot of Epilstone. How I loathe thee.


They were stealing from artists first and hate competition.


I'm not defending him you dumb fucking cunt. I'm just saying it is shitty to call your niece's father a scumbag. Her mother might divorce her STEP-DAD in the future and he'll just be another stranger. But her father will always be her father. BIOLOGY 101.


Serious answer? Because I may serve my other 5 tables before getting to yours. I prefer my customers to remember that I am a human being worthy of respect.  Snapping at me or whistling across the restaurant is disrespectful and I may not give you the best service I can. I can stand a few bad tips.


Sorry for the downvote, I hate children with a burning passion.


Came here to mention this. If you watch the episode it is really crazy. You think everyone would be freaking out, but the women just lays there with the knife in her while EMS steadily brings over the gurney.


And I was just playing...I have a couple of beers in me.  -12 DV's at this point.

So good!


My sex life is good. It depends which vagina is penetrated. My vaginas are side by side and the left side hurts when penetrated because it is smaller. To my knowledge, due to the septum in my vagina, my g-spot is covered. Other than that, I imagine that it's not much different than anyone else's.


> a nation that spent a century suffering Russian abuse

Sounds like a direct copy-paste from Goebbels leaflet from Eastern Front. I wonder if German Nazis ever hoped that their BS would live that long. They probably did...

P.S. I mean American Nazism was easy for them to "predict" - USA became a Nazi state in the end of 1930's. But Ukraine?...


Ok. Here it is. http://imgur.com/9ciya
Apologies for poor quality. Perhaps "P.K.
Communications" can still make it available.


It is usually cheaper than live action.


I read that last line as "moms pubis" and it completely changed the story.


Let's stick to questions about the movie, people.


There's always a character named Terry, but it's always played by a new person. So each episode has an actor that will never be on the show again playing Terry. Then at the end of the first season, one of the regular actors is named Terry and keeps looking nervous and out of character for the whole pilot.


And that's what she said...lolwut.


Jontron's review was incredible.


gotta spend all our taxes on something (other than education, obviously, that would just be silly)


Notice how EVERYONE on the right side has a personal flotation device.

Oh well, Reddit will believe whatever makes the more dramatic narrative...


Your camera man was awful


I agree.

Source: Am female.


lol you seriously don't see what's wrong with what you just posted?


Maybe it's the economist in me, but if she's barely paying rent, in debt, and yet buying tickets to fly cross country to visit her "best friend" (with benefits) without talking to you about it, something tells me the fact that you're living together has less to do with the "seriousness" of your relationship, and more to do with the convenience of subsidized living expenses.


Your Unusual is a Piece of Shit

         Level 1 Knife

      And so is your face.


Because we men are SUPER hot. I mean, just fucking look at us. With our balls and shit.


If I had money I would gild both of these comments.

Edit: this was not intended to be a troll, I've litterally been living off of $5 since the 1st of the month, thanks for making me feel worse guys.

Edit2: accidentally auto correct. Also, thanks OP.


"I'm being held at gunpoint"


BECAUSE ITS A BLACK PERSON.


*But I'm a man?* **IT DOESN'T MATTER**


Your car isn't damaged.  That hit and run charge will fuck up somebody's life.  Let it go.


The idea of MJ not wanting to be a billionaire until Lebron said something is so funny


And probably would have been called a "pedophile sympathizer" or something like that.  No thanks.

I mean, I can understand why some mothers react the way they do what with all the reports and stories of kids getting kidnapped by "unseemly" looking people.  Sucks for the guy though.


Yeah man, just call up Katy Perry. No big deal.


Yes. Yes you do. I left another comment fixing it, but I don't care enough to screenshot showing you guys. Thanks though.


RWB - Redditors Without Borders

edit: Wow. I went to lunch and came back to 1000+ upvotes. Let's fucking do this, Reddit. Seems like /r/RWB has been created.


Please link something I have posted that I did not create and prove that I did not create it. Thank you.


But if we break the sound barrier, who will fix it?

>/r/Shittyaskscience


loses offensive player of the year, gains woman beater on a likely suspension. checks out.


"90% of all childbirths are accompanied by an accidental dookie" - Bob Kelso, M.D.


Technically you could say the same thing about kids who join the Canadian Army, but we think our ideology (gay rights and capitalism) is objectively better.


She turned her behind against the family sitting there, smiled at me while I realized what was about to happen, then farted a loud and distinct fart to the horror of her unprepared victims.


No, and here's why. Only a true sexist can interpret my comment as sexist. If I tell my friend I don't believe he can play a guitar, no normal person will think I meant he is unable to learn to play it. Same here.


If you were a teaching assistant in his class, would you be considered a Hamburger helper?


I can tell you're british from the following:

"making his way down the pavement"

Who fucking says that? That's goofy as fuck. Making his way down the pavement? You mean walking on the sidewalk. And what the fuck is a space hopper?


Chris Brown is for... Uh.  Domestic Violence.  Fuck.


Hope he gets shot and then your house burns down.


Downvotes for everyone!


That's what you think.  Rule #1 of living with a female roommate:  DO NOT HAVE THE SEX WITH THAT WOMAN.  You missed out once, and saved your ass a lot of stress and awkward.


So that's his excuse for being so bad at his last GSL performance.


It's just a prank bro!


This is the most racist thing i have ever had the displeasure of reading.  As a proud mexican american i have to say you are whats wrong with this country.


Creeper here: I wouldn't worry about it, probably no big deal.


That's soccer. Douche.


We broke another link.


I find it weird that caring about other human beings has become a slur. It's one of the biggest current jerks on Reddit.


Stories like yours. No kidding, that's lovely. Thank you, and thank you all for your wonderful words. It's after 16:30 here in the Pacific Time Zone. I've got to fly. I'll be back my O my, Bill Nye the Science Guy.


Good to hear that peop**le** don't know that **le** Fed isn't short for **le** Federal Government.


Siamese twins just aren't cut out for it.


except theres no reason to. the invisibility one already doesn't work and the rest of them aren't even that bad. then again, arena net, being the incompetent fucktards they are will nerf nerf nerf it just like everything else they can't figure out a solution to.


Damn dude, thanks for killing this joke. I mean what the hell did I ever do to you?! It's not like I punted your cat or knocked up your mom. Come on man, you must've really felt compelled to straight up murder this joke... Jk, your logically sound insight is much appreciated.


Yeah, I don't care anymore. I've had to deal with GG drama for over half a year, and eventually I just kina stopped caring about it. I don't read KotakuInAction, and I don't read Gamerghazi. I used to follow Zoe Quinn and a lot of other people on twitter before GG started, but eventually I just got really tired of them only talking about GG drama, and unfollowed them.


wait great question that no one asked! theyfit custom condoms.


yes there is, it's called responsibility, respect or just being a nice person.


>Dear diary,

>Today I took care of a "little problem..."


I do not believe my intelligence makes me completely infallible. I've admitted already to my extreme insecurity and defensiveness multiple times.


He was likely trying to make them pickles.


I used to think that that version was much better, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


no need to bring economics into this.


I'm moreso amused by all the weak nerds upvoting you.  Some jealously I think.


The best part is the fake texts to "Mike" and her friend in order to make this guy jealous.


I have opened a dispute with paypal. I hope you don't abuse the Shave_Bazaar like this again.


>Congressman #1: "Guys, we need to start creating jobs in America"
>
>Congressman #2: "How about we kill the Internet and make America an inhospitable place for any internet company?"
>
>Congressman #1: "Brilliant!"


Funny and true. I was surprised to learn this yesterday on my way back from Mexico. I never thought Mexico would be that country that tried to ban religion. I guess now it can be considered an extreme religious state.


Seriously. This game has the worst fans I've ever seen


How good we have it because it's better than everyone else (even though it isn't)? Why does everyone think that something's good as long as it's as good or better than everywhere else? Sorry, but the middle east and North Korea aside, this country fucking sucks.


I am extremely confused by the random nutella in your comment.


If disliking someone acting like a fucking nigger makes me a racist then so be it. I will still be wondering wtf is wrong with people that do stuff like that...


I think they could figure it out if they just put their heads together.


or you can stop trying to mute him and allow free speech, that is what you liberals love isn't it?  At least have the balls to stand by your convictions.


I'd panic and piss myself and slip on my piss and die.


if your black its all good, but ur not, fuck you


Haha, idk apparently Marco Polo is awesome it might break their hearts. And apparently there's a lot of dick scenes so that was nice to hear about from my grandmother.


But why? It's just a game. C'mon... :)


we did this as the clicker broke (yes, remote control, it used sound instead of IR, late 70s tech), then somehow we figured out if we used a certain belt and snapped it in just the right way it would change the channel


If you think shoplifting is a meaningless rule you have no business working in a retail store.


Has never been more relevant.


What? If you want to dispute my comment could atleast ask a rhetorical question that makes sense?


Hallo, ich bin hier für das gangbang ...


That's because people in the South actually have depth in their connection to the United States.  The Northeast is all 2nd and 3rd generation immigrants.  I've lived in both.  It's obvious when you look at an attendance sheet from one of your classes when you compare the last names.

TLDR--the South is actually American.  The north is full of poser liberals who are essentially FOBs.


Read that as "FRAGGLE ROCK MOTHER FUCKER." and died laughing.


It's a big deal because her post would have gotten about 15 upvotes and no attention but she's treated differently because she's a woman


Am I mean in thinking that I cannot wait for this day?


Yeah this has been clarified a thousand times over. Thx for recycling


I would ask the manager to give you examples on when you should allow stuff to be taken for free.


1 hour ago?! GOD DAMNIT! I WAS GONNA POST THE SAME THING! Upboat!


Please, go hug your wife and tell her the internet says she's awesome.


Calling it a bomb implies that it is one use.

However, calling it a nuclear bomb *factory* would be incorrectly implying that it just makes nuclear bombs.

So because I love correcting people:

"That's not a vanguard, that's a *motherfucking thermonuclear nuclear bomb factory, complete with silo and targeting system* with feet."

FTFY


I'D RUN WITH THE IDEA, BUT RIGHT NOW, I THINK I'LL PASS.


Sooo.. she just said she's a human being and not some kitchen troll and all of you prepubescent assholes feel *she's* the one that's in the wrong here?  Fucking reddit.

Edit: Wow, I'm going at a downvote per minute here.  Really shows what misogynistic assholes you children are.  Good job.


what I'm ugly now?  I blast clooney's wife for Christ's sake!
I'm a piece of ass....


And somehow he's still ahead of 3/4s of the Leafs.


I love how safely he puts the bar down too.

e: you can just hear his inner monologue...

"YAY AWESOME!!! [*...oooone moment! Just need to set this bar down...aaaaaaand its down.*] **HAELLLL YEARHHHHHHH!!!**"


No they didn't, they upvoted it because they thought it was funny, but it's the third time it's happened this week and it's part of the reason this subreddit was better a year ago. And yes, I am going to be slightly mad people downvote me because they don't know reddiquette exists and I'm actually promoting discussion.


*>pooted right into my nose*

not sure if still 15 &#3232;\_&#3232;


Creating an account and never touching it again doesn't exactly take a lot of commitment.

Heck you could set it up with a password you don't know if you didn't want to be tempted.

ETA: just to be clear I know Gordon is supposed to never say anything, it's just that playing him on reddit in this way takes hardly any commitment.


When you come clean, make sure you have a check for 100,000 dollars in your hand.  That will definitely help ease the awkward.


"What a god" thing is bothering :\


What the fuck did I do?


> How the fuck long does it take you to load a washing machine? Like 2 minutes? Maybe 5 if you have to sort all the clothes first? And dishes? Are you doing them by hand? Probably not.

Um, so why can't OP do these things?


Success kid moment right there.


Funny... try making an anti-Judaism movie in the US and see how far you get.

You'll be charged with hate crimes in a nanosecond.


So the top 1% gets the most enjoyment, I knew it.

  Occupy Bunny Ranch Starting Next Month


I have no idea why you guys keep making such a huge deal of a single thing that he said, which was inhuman reactions.

Do you find this funny? Like, spamming this over 50 times every damn time Anders is the topic?


Yeeee haw!  All the pixie stix you could snort!


I will fucking marry you.


> "Mr. Carrey can I have an aut-" Jim Carrey hastily shoved me out of the way and began screaming "Get these people away from me!!!" and sped through the red carpet and out the door.

He probably didn't see you there. Don't fret it, the same thing happened to Eminem.


I don't feel rejected. I left because the only available seats were around folk I didn't care to be around.


Someone asked George Foreman why he named all his kids George...

"You try going 10 rounds with Mohammad Ali and see how many names you remember!"


Why did you link that? This post is updated, and I gave credit.

Also I posted it last 5 months ago. So I'm already aware of this.


That's when you give him the creepiest smile: "I was counting on it"


I actually signed in to upvote this.


if you have sex, you are no longer a virgin.


she can share hers. i just don't like the attitude that all survivors just need to "realize they can get over it as soon as the bruises fade."

i was just repeating her term, and i am a mental health patient. so. if you think it's offensive, that's fine, but w/e.


This must become the highest rated test post of all time.

_Edit:_  Holy fuck, I think we did it.


Really, cuz I just propositioned yo momma.

Also got denied, but doesn't matter; have gif.


Screw the afterlife, let's get drunk and give it to those 42 virgins now!


Yessir. I'll get right on that. In the mean time, you may want to identify the flaw in your response by noting that the NFL has a salary cap, so it's much easier to shoot yourself in the foot going for the gold.


Upvote for browsing Reddit in a fire team.


Because 90% is a large percentage...


5, 6, 7, 8, u fkn wot m8?!


No it isn't. It's merely stating a fact. Any deal made now could be voided by a future president. That's true.


I'm assuming that's exactly what he does!


Anything blow this line it two bee downvoted.


God always was a cock blocker.


I love this fucking probama reddit bullshit . Obama does some bullshit to get more votes and fucks me over . Then gives us a 5 dollar thing from a gift shop.
YAY OBAMA HE'S SO FUCKING GREAT.
 You people make me sick


Dude.  Your son is gonna be an epic surfer one day.


Oh and by the way i unbanned you.


Cheer up now. You might die before them.


Woo bring it on whiteknights.

In just saying don't rat on peeps
I could go into how your all bitches for ratting on people and to mind your own business and instead of going to the police handle it like a man and deal with that shit


I remember your other post... as an Argentinian, I can confirm, we are still in South America.


hes the uk's answer to Barrack Obama


> as well as a penis that was split like a banana peel.

:D


upvoted for the lulz

EDIT: LAWLZ!!!!!1one


"Motherfucker, I will gut you like a fish if you take one more fucking step!"

"Motherfucker!  *I* will gut *you* like a fish!"

"Motherfucker!"

"*Motherfuckeeeeeer!*"

"..."

"..."

"France?"

"Is bacon."

"Race you to post this first!"

"Laawl!"


Ah, you're female? Then your entire opinion on breasts is unreliable. Trust me. Most of them are gross. #3 and #9 are okay, #1 is just small, not misshapen but I would rather die than fuck a girl who looked like #2,4,6,8,10,11,12.


The comparison is very flattering.  Brent Spiner is a great actor. Perhaps I can to play him in the movie they are making about the making of Independence Day. (smc)


Yes, we understand that a company bought you out because Sony is a piece of shit company.  But we also understand that shit companies go to the first bidder because they are looking to shed their ineptness.

So... I dont really think it improved.


(Kramer bursts through the door)

**Kramer:** Whelp. I got Gonorrhoea.


Well i guess you are gonna have to learn to differentiate between wants and needs.  And by the way, life isnt 100% guaranteed in anything except you are gonna die.


Scumbag cancer machine.

Helps research cancer.. Gives you cancer.


Chip's going to run the Eagles into the ground, why are you frowning?

well, looks like the Eagles fans found this thread and took it over as per usual.


Just binder clip all the food in place.


That's a clever statement with clever implications. Here's a nice downvote for you.


We're going to look back 50 years from now on some practices of medicine of today and comment on how barbaric our methods are/were. It's a cyclical endeavor.


don't joke about cancer u fukin shit my frend had cancer u fuck
upvote if u no some1 with cancer


A friend of mine met Bruce Campbell. He saw Bruce in a grocery store, did a double take and said "You're Bruce Campbell!" Bruce put on his shades, said "Someone has to be" and walked off.


Still a better love story than Twi... Nope, not gonna be that guy.
Edit: I'll show myself out.


U wot m8?  Hevin a giggle, m8?  Swear on me mum - that bitch me mum, I'll gut ya.


Why, because I don't want to give the police a reason to arrest my freedom of movement and have me pay fines to the government?


That was one of the most tragic few minutes of my life!!! Such a bad call. I don't care what you say. When you've got Lynch and Wilson's legs, you run it at their pussy little linebackers. (except Wilfork)


What he said.

Edit: damn, guess I did something wrong.


False. There is no right decision.


MOMMYY LOOK AT DA PEEKACHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANA PWAY WIT DA PEEKACHOO GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Some days you'll realize that your best friend isn't your best friend anymore. Sometimes you realize you don't even know who they are.


All of the things in those posts are true.  There are no two things that contradict each other.


The ingredients doesn't ... you're opinion is invalid.


Did you check between the house and shed?


In a perfect world you'd follow suit and delete this post.


I'm pretty sure magazines like this intentionally give bad dating advice in order to keep their readers single and thus buying cosmo for dating advice.


Reddit is full of sexist assholes. They're mad that she's suing her past employer for sexual harassment in a legitimate and blatant case.


Anywhere in San Francisco.


LOL U GUYS R GAY

IF U LOVE JESUS U MUST LOVE SANTORUM


I have nothing but respect for your ambition.


So you're a double loser.


That is AWFUL. I'm sorry your father wasn't good enough to hide that FILTH from you. Parents these days....they let their teenage sons and daughters be exposed to such indecencies at such a YOUNG AGE. THEY ARE CHILDREN! Raise them properly, or don't raise them at all. :)


wait wait wait... chad?! FUCK CHAD


...or very very British. I can't decide which.


But then you'd be in Kansas.


Yeh well misandry isnt a real thing. Ill laugh at white people complaining about being called crackers too.


I guess you gave him a real grain of hope.


I see you are acquainted with M. Night Shamalamadingdong's epic and very creative filmography.


You say this like Reddit doesn't upvote shit to the front page every day...


If I wasn't miserably broke id gild you. This is the fucking funniest reddit comment ive ever seen.


Oh, so... real trees are somewhere else around here.


I'm not disputing that, I just have never seen Romney claim he didn't have a lot of help along the way.


If she had to fill it, she would figure it out.


actually it's not ok to be racist

we at /r/blackpeopletwitter take the radical stance that if you're insecure enough to actively seek out a group of people to make fun of then you probably aren't fun to hang out with IRL


That one was actually true.  She was sexy as hell too. She was cool, smart and sexy and she really said that.  We were both in our early twenties then.  At that age all bets are off. Everyone is dumb in their twenties.  God bless 'em.


I just click the thing 'till my shit gets posted.


Yep. The folks at /r/palletfurniture would definitely enjoy pallets delivered to their door.


snitches get stitches, mufucka


Not when you can wipe your tears with $100 bills in a sportscar.


FAT GIRL ANGLE SHOT!!! RUN FOR IT MARTY!!!!


But how do you communicate to the deer that the two bullets are a fair trade for the loincloths? And is it just any bullet? Or do they have to be specific to the deers firearm? Seems like it would be easier to just kill the deer and take his loincloth.


jews, americans, whites, blacks, pretty much everyone hates muslims except hand wringing libs.


Well I mean, it's fuckin' HIROSHIMA...sooooooooooo......


I didnt say "*What an idiot.*"

Wow, you Skyrim people are overtly sensitive.


Note to self, vacation to Cuba.
Edit: This comment is 1/5 of my total karma, I feel like a god.


Oh look found the guy who spends his time objectifying rather than slaying. Look man, if you want any chance at boobies, you gotta treat woman with re2pect. Shave the neckbeard and learn to be a person of quality!

edit: typos

edit2: okay the 2 is a reference to the great and late Derek Jeter. do yall live under a rock?

edit3: more typos (could use more dancing sharks lol amirite)


I... I don't really know what that means. But I *feel* the truth of your words on a level beyond simple understanding.


Downvote for destroying the drugs.


I'm glad you clarified it wasn't you.


He thought you were asleep, and didn't touch you at all, and didn't say it TO YOU. Fuck you for ruining a man's career. Feminist jurisprudence has replaced the constitution of the United States.

Plus the fact that you had a family favor called in to make your disgusting ends meet that would not have been met otherwise, is absolutely repulsive.


> fifteen years selling shoes

How are Peg, Bud, and Kelly doing these days? The Dodge still running?


KELSO IS ASHTON KUTCHER YOU IDIOT!


Eh, I'd say both are true.


I think you dodged a very expensive bullet.


idiot, he does not have any supernatural powers. You guys who worship humans that you find on tv because you imagine them to be some sort of dieties from the magical box are just deluded.


We ignore it here in the US too.


Onepunch Man (One) is an animated manga, JoJo anime is pretty copy paste.


Nah, the perps are just getting better at hiding bodies.


Makes me think of **le** spiders from Zelda.


I'm 28 in 2 months and now my knees crack every time I squat -- like take it easy there body, there's plenty of time left for you to go to shit.


Can you find the thread of it being posted?


This is a scene straight out of Matilda...except with chocolate cake.


Quite a few other people seem to enjoy this post. Fuckface.


And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the savegame passed out of all knowledge.


I think OP needs to go outside. You're ok though.

Edit: Wow. you all need to go outside.


They probably lost their virginity in the back seat of a brand new Model T. Just crazy.


No, they're not actually. This will require some thinking, so you might want to sit down.

Is lying about someone dying the same thing as faking someone's death?

Is lying about having a girlfriend the same thing as faking having a girlfriend?

Faking cancer implies I took pictures of myself in a wheelchair hooked up to an IV. That's laughable.


Really, painful? I thought it was nice.


just have fun with it. tell everyone i support you. if they have a problem with it, i will rip out their throats.


I just checked the video to see the shoulders. Umm, yeah, they'd be impressive for a 13 year old girl. That's about it.


I think the exact same thing about Sofia Vergara.  Her accent is so put-on.  She reminds me of Charo.


This deserves more upvotes.


I did this once when I was like 15. I realized that I shouldn't be doing that a minute or two later, cleared my history, shut my computer down, and went to play PlayStation. I'm probably on a government list.


Like a swan from the duckling, I have made your comment... *art*

http://i.imgur.com/x7392.jpg

...Courtesy of the instant_reddart bot


You'd think at that age, you'd say "Fuck it, I'll splurge on a glass of lemonade"...


buddy plz open break the seal and make him free

[he also got the right to live and enjoy his life like other ones](http://lifeoftre.url-site.com/)


The worst part is that I remember this story from when you originally posted it.  FML.


Depends on your viewpoint.  If you are paying $10,000 a year in premiums, you will no longer need to!


Wow, that's a surprisingly high num....oh.


check out other works on their facebook page.


Upvote for misuse of law enforcement for your own personal gain.


You wish.  Yahoo has more customers on their failed services than anyone here will have in their lifetime.


That's not too surprising. Dolly Parton looks nothing like Charlie Chaplin!


I was actually just being silly. I don't care much about belief as long as im not offended or getting it shoved down my throat. To each his own.


The twist in that story made me laugh.


They are both lying. I didn't PM or ban littlegirlblew and I posted a screen shot of what I said to burnout when I banned him.

They are both pathetic liars but I expect nothing less. They don't like my views on islam so they are trying to drum up hate aginst me. Fine by me, but there is plenty of legit comments I have made where they shouldn't have to make stuff up.


This had SO much potential, and you just used it to awkward penguin mode it.  I respect that.


They could have covered it with something longer. Don't be such a bleeding heart.


>when he was born twenty years later

Dat punctuation.


awww "boo hoo hoo, my country is terrible and i don't want to be reminded of it boo hoo hoo :( :( :("


Nigga you better run if you see a vagina that looks like that. Especially if it's got a little crab just chilling in it.


So I can lose my life to spare some asshat who so terribly abused his own body that his vital organs were failing? No thanks.


hahahah.  I would say in a very nice voice, "excuse me, but that right there is a sidewalk that you are supposed to use."


I have used the last phrase in your sentence as your RES tag. Good day, sir.


Oh fuck me that's clever


This needs more upvotes.


Ah yes, the Douchebag Paradox.


it's **grammar** you fuck face


*Oh yeah, baby, you like that? you want more?*

*Thanks.*

*OH, yeah, oh, yeah baby, yeah thats right, right there.*

*Thanks.*

*Oh, oh baby, im going to cum, are you going to cum with me baby?*

*thanks!*

*oh, oh, oh, baby, ...OHHHHHHHHHHH*

*THANKS!*


My upvotes! I don't have enough!


Wait so we dont all rub it into our bellys and make noises like an otter?


Actually a finger in the butt would be a little less intrusive for the passengers of the 9/11 attacks, who instead got shrapnel in their skulls.  Ask them if they would have supported more aggressive measures.


"I saw a homeless train kid that had a tattoo around is mouth that looked like a goatee. I saw it a little closer and it was letters that spelled "Daddy's little fuck hole." "


there is no such thing as Chinese New Year...it is Lunar New Year.


Fucking disgusting.  It was horrible expecting to bite into something crunchy and it be soft instead.  I honestly have no idea what I was thinking when I did this.  I deserve to be called the weakest link in my family.


Let me complete that reference: I broke my arms and my mom sucked my dick.


And they're naked! NAKED! Sinning against all of nature like that!


apparently obama's daughters are not fond of cucumbers.


The Neutrinos.....have mutated.....


You must be a scrub. Some people are actually skilled and don't need to cheat with NPC's to give us full health. How about you play the game as intended? Fighting with low HP and calculating the location and radius of health globes instead? Casuals like you make me sick.


I had a friend who didn't realize you could quick travel when playing oblivion. He was 80+ hours into the game. He was showing me his badass horse he got to travel quickly and when i pointed out quick travel he just kinda sat there quietly.


For "Pedophilia".  A definition of pedophilia is sexual thoughts or activities that involve children.  I'm not going to be picky over those semantics.

edit: can everyone please at least try to understand I was attempting to explain why the author titled it the way he did? Nothing more, nothing less.


ahahahaha ... ha ... oh. ohhhhhhh


I sigh every time I see that shit... I'd rather have a face tattoo of a penis jizzing into my mouth than have that dumb ass looking shit done to me.


Please use it to destroy lives. Please?

Edit:xD its great this one comment has brought me into positive Karma...


>The physics in the games are "real" but very simplified.

Well there is no shock heating upon re-entry. I wouldn't call that "real" even with quotes.


Please.  I'm in such a drought right now I wouldn't even blink if I saw that on a girl's couch.


No one will understand you if you keep speaking like that, fucker. This is the internet, use English.


Put the kid down, promote the dog to son.
Go on a fishing trip.


I hate reddit sometimes. Really? This is your shotth 3rd grade level question?


*Why would you need a button to tell people to read it?*


Dude putting the word "ent" onto the end of everything is way lame.


There's also 5 women in your town looking to have sex with you.


~~I SECOND this comment.~~

I shoot myself in the foot.


Actual quote: "By the way, first 30 minutes of the dark knight were SICK!!"

Posted to his Facebook account. Seems to be pretty light-hearted about it.


Sweet jesus people love this shitty bot.


SHUT THE FUCK UP DONNA YOURE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT


Why would you want to see the trailers? Seeing the movie without any idea of the plot is far better in most cases.


*"An acceptable answer would have been 'ruff'"*


It's not a cool name, you are both dirty metheads who are of no value to our society, also you are transvestities, also you wear vests too tight, also you invest to write, also you attest to blight, also you arrest a fight, also you molest the tyke


After writing, "DONT UPVOTE THIS, I DONT WANT MY BOSS TO SEE ME ON REDDIT WHILST WORKING!"


Relative like your intelligence.


Is that how you keep your gaming forum up and running?


You realize when you're not on duty and render care above what a lay person can do, you're operating without a license.

You're also getting in the way - you could have become another patient.

That being said, sorry about your car.


POLLY WANTS TO EAT UNTIL THE PAIN IS GONE.


You can't look at this or, ... what? Beat up your woman?

I feel this "oh my god I'm being triggered" is kind of going too far recently.


You mean the best formatted


Such insight!  Much intellect!


I went into the thread expecting the top comment to be about pushup form.

I was right.


Wait, really, you didn't realize that? I remember seeing Twilight on HBO and saying, "That's the little bitch from **Panic Room**!" No really though, she is a bitch to her mom for most of the movie when she isn't in imminent danger.


I cried tears of pure grammar reading this.


Unfortunately he filmed the whole thing. This is the unedited version Warning (NSFL)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0


>every once in a while he gets this really sad look on his face when he massages my feet.

This is hilarious


Thats the same bot NB3. He's lost all his rp and lp too. Although this got insta-downvoted so i dont expect anything to come of this.


That must have been embarrassing to shit yourself at the gym.


Sweet [crosspost](http://www.reddit.com/r/sports/comments/fauio/man_dunks_himself_through_hoop_at_basketball_game/) bro.

Even went to the trouble of finding a different youtube link eh?


I don't think he's so bad


The video was kinda hard to follow. I think that's what he meant. I seriously did not begin to understand any words til like halfway through.

*shrugs* American problems.

Edit: Holy shit, was my comment worth that many downvotes?


*Everything reads better in italics.*


I used to post my psycho ex stories on iama, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Even worse: Having to put on those 3D glasses when i already *have to wear glasses*. Really, did nobody think of this when coming up with a concept for 3D glasses? Now i have to awkwardly fit the 3D glasses on the outside of my normal glasses.


Why are we wasting money keeping her alive though?


I recently went to a concert and there was a guy sitting behind me yelling out actual answers to the singer's questions.

>HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING TONIGHT!??!?!!!!

"Pretty good, how about you!?

>ARE YOU READY TO GET THIS THING STARTED???!!!?!?!

"That's the whole reason I bought a ticket!"

>THANK YOU!!

"You're welcome!"

Stuff like that.  It was quite entertaining.


Not horrible people, just committing intellectual malpractice and being complicit in the theft and dissemination of educational resources to individuals consuming those resources without proper qualification (read: thieves).


And why is that fucking commercial a good 3 minutes longer than all other commercials?!


Yeah whatever, they are just piercing. Take em off and just tell her not to do it anymore. Big fucking deal


I feel like I'm 90% more likely to die now that I know about the danger triangle.


Woah man relax

Edit: this subreddit is cancer


Or when the Trailer has all of the best scenes. Like I know you've got to make it look good but I also want to be surprised by the movie.


Your standards are all fucked up, she's not even "girl nextdoor" good looking.


The $100 bill that's no longer in my wallet begs to differ.


Classless thug wannabe team obviously. Should spend more time learning how to play basketball.


I'm Canadian and I might start using it too.

"why do you spend all your time on that stupid website?"

"It's for juju"


/r/jailbait is over there --->

Seems like alot of cock-in-hand redditors here want to "show her some love" (-:

Edit: Downvotes wtf? Just cracking a joke guys relax... I'm a Reddit Gold User.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GROUND!!


Seems like SpaceManAndy is a faggot..

#number of actual gay people I have called a faggot: 0

#number of straight people I call faggots for doing something gay: 2000+


Or date a girl with a big dick...mhmm that cant be right


yeah that guy's used to b-anal sex.


He's absolutely the best Banner.  Now, how well the Hulk works on film in general is a matter for debate, but as non-hulked-out Bruce Banner, Ruffalo is perfect casting.


Wow you sound like a ball of fun, i mean shit


"The sweet zesty taste of lettuce. Pick one up from your local general store, and remember: For a nickel off, tell em ol Uncle Lettuce sent you down. Take care now."


So the other guy never even saw the gun? Not sure what this post has to do with guns then.

Good job scaring off a potential threat with your firm tone of voice, though.


That guy doesn't jump. The earth simply moves away from him.


Then you ask someone or look it up.

The fact that people would continue to "talk shit about her" is ridiculous.


also they speak european instead of american


Just reposting here because here because my original reply to /u/this-is-a-bad-idea  has been downvoted to hell by paid pro-*South Park* trolls:

>Not really. Here, like always, the show is pretty damn OFFENSIVE to an entire race of people and INSENSITIVE to their beliefs. That reddit sees this filth as "insightful" tells you all you need to know about reddit.


Wife: How was the lab?

OP: Good. I got a new lab partner named Jennie.

Wife: Haha, just like my name.

OP: Yeah, only much, much, much more attractive.

Wife: .....


The mother never told me the exact cause but she said it is health issues. I think it's heart problems as do other friends of mine and the mothers.


Disregard rapist, acquire husband.


Came in to say the same thing.


Write letters to the editor and OpEds.  The easiest way for broad audiences to learn about, and if well-argued, agree with your sentiments on any subject at all.


I really don't think I misunderstood that last comment. There's literally no way to misunderstand it. USMNT fans are the most insufferable cunts on earth. I used to like US soccer until I started browsing /soccer.


As a tall guy i always feel strange when I meet and talk to someone taller than me.


>As a 23 year old single mother, I totally salute you! It's hard to watch your friends go out and have fun

You should have thought of that before you lay down with a guy who didn't want to marry you.

I hope you are not on state benefits.


It's all just about rape, drugs, and murder for them anyway no real intention of running a country.


>the cat wasn't pissed of the dialog spoken, more or less the multiple tones of the cat voices confused him. Cats will attack things that confuse them.

Americans*

Edit: HOLY SHIT -53 in record time haha


Hey is THAT black guy over there your dad?

No, you racist. I don't know my dad


sorry to sound uncaring but: welcome to life.

Shit happens and surprisingly the rest of the world is rarely inclined to make accommodations for you. You will be catching up on your work or re-sitting, thats it suck it up and start doing something productive.


The TED talk of reddit comments.


Its funny you use that gif. A monkey and a cat have nearly identical designs in their nervous system, the only thing is that a monkey's is obviously bigger.


Gonna bury it so deep in my butt that whoever pulls it out will be crowned King Arthur.


Shulk main? Fantastic! =) Edit: Downvoting fools. My comment was not sarcasm.


Your word, is niggerfaggot.


Screennames, how do they work?


If you are looking for a new nephew. I am all up for it! I will send you a lovely card every special holiday.


> Rule 9. No polls/polling. If you have a legitimate project for school ie. research paper, contact the mods for permission first.


I still think they owe The Postal Service at least fifty cents on every dollar they earned, at the very least.


I would've tried to block the road with my car


1. Empty your fucking sock drawer.
2. Throw out every single sock.
3. Decide on your favorite McDonalds $1 menu item
4. Buy 99 of them.
5. Enjoy your sock drawer full of food.
6. Wear wrappers as socks.


TSM fanboy mad cuz dyrus is getting raped by Shy?


Logged in to upvote this!


> Everybody hates Christ

FTFY


We could call it "surfing"?


No, you can't.

edit: [Since people here seem misinformed](http://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/vo8sk/dawnguard_playable_on_pc_already_360_version_uses/c568v0z)


Hitler walks into a staff meeting, and says to the top Nazi party officials, "I want you to organize the killing of all European Jews and two hedgehogs."  Himmler asks Hitler, "Why the two hedgehogs, sir?"  Hitler then smiles and exclaims, "See, no one cares about the Jews!"


Isn't all of feminism just "what_about_da_wimminz.exe?"


Pretty darn well, if you consider the church's history.


I used to ching, before I learned to chong, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


He's slowly churning over the idea that this will probably never ever happen again in his life and it suddenly clicks how amazing it is for him to be experiencing multiple flashes.


jesus fuck, you are a moron


pointless* process.

Not to sound rude, and never look a gift horse in the mouth and all that, but we prefer to not get things that we can already do on our own.

Edit: Ya know what? Good, **GOOD**. DOWNVOTE ME. I will not be silenced! I will speak up for men everywhere who feel the exact same way but are hesitant to tell the truth!