Someway it seems very funny to me, I can't help it. One time, I was a target of libertybot, this works much better.

But, I should be fair now. Yes, it was wrong of me to claim this was mine, and I won't do that again, but I hope people can agree that this happens all the time, and won't affect my account much in the end.


Because we'll just click the comment section for an explanation, regardless of what's in the article.


if you keep saying it with conviction....it still doesn't change the fact that there's no difference between the www and the internet


Do most of these questions contain the word "forum"?


Oh.  You are a normal person.  I though I found a fellow pedophile.  damn it!  nevermind, carry on.


Oh my lord. [Dr pepper dipped in Oreos] takes/feels like chocolatey pop-rocks for the first few seconds. This is probably an 8/10 for me, I was shocked on the taste.

Thank you for your suggestion.


But we are not really the land of the free either


Unfortunately: http://observer.com/2015/01/mia-farrow-apparently-finds-family-pics-by-googling-mia-farrow-her-black-children/

Apparently the woman has 20 kids - who knew?!


It's actually quite sad, you never see this type of shit on other sports.

I think eSports will forever have this sort of cringe, facepalm and childish aura over it


> $100 tip was on the table and it was an interesting experience over all, just not my cup of tea.

Just the tip?


That's what a scientific theory is.


So then why are we so worried about Syria and ISIS when we have this 10 minutes from American soil in some places? Also, the cartels use chainsaws to cut people's heads off.


Surely to be amazing they have to be realistic? Isn't the point of physics systems to bring realism?


>"White Power my ni**a"

http://i.imgur.com/t0ePt.png


I used to drop items on the ground, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


It's not possible for you to win.


Right, because the majority of world is on /r/LifeProTips

edit: I'd like to thank my parents for giving me their sarcastic tones. Thank you everyone, I can now have a wonderful hungover Friday afternoon knowing that other people are having just as shitty of a day at work as I am.

edit2: -100! You guys are so wonderful. I feel special.


>2 out of every 3 cashiers have something to say about it.

I feel like if I ever pointed out to a customer that they had "butthole ears," or pointed out anything strange about them in any way, I wouldn't be a cashier anymore.

Like my boss wouldn't even take any time to gauge if I did anything wrong; I'd just be fired.


Keep thinking sir. You have potential to be a comic genius.... Alas, all I can award you is an Upvote.... Take my upvote, and conquer the world with it and your perception.


Toddler Plasty will blow them both out of the water


I don't think they can just put a movie in theatres if the facts aren't right


I'm sorry you feel that way.  It's very unlikely that you caused the miscarriage.  Babies are quite protected in bellies.  How pregnant was she?


Why is your daughter in the bathroom at the same time as you're peeing?

DOWNVOTE ME HARDER BECAUSE I DIDNT KNOW THAT SHE MEANT PUBLIC TOILET


>This is where it started to get fucked up.

No it was pretty fucked up before that point.


Go ask Mia Khalifa if she'll perform the gaza strip for you.  It might help you calm down.  If that doesn't work, try switching to decaf.


I bartend at a restaurant in NYC and I manage web content and PR material for a pretty rad music venue in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

Hobbies:  I like running, listening to too much music, and am really into the NYC food scene -- I cooked for about 6 years and a little here in the City, and I just can't shake the bug i have for cooking/eating/learning about food and gastronomy.


Except they should leave any religious tattoos on, so society can spot moron theists.
Edit: Downvotes? Really?


Psychologist here and we feel the same way about Dr. Phil


Looks like Elijah has a joint in his hand.


Too bad their dads probably licked all of the envelopes for them.


"It" has a penis. It's not a man or a woman. It's actually pretty disgusting once you think about it....


I'll be glad when those fuckers go the same was as /r/jailbait.


What is your secret of survival?


> How did that go for you?

He is now CEO.


Cool comment bro. He punched him. Easy to win a case when the defendant was murdered.


Every part of that story depressed me.


stfu u cunt learn to appreciate instead of bitching


You now have to forward it to 15 people in the next 3 minutes.


I've been home for almost three weeks now. I posted that so I didn't look like a noob for never seeing those signs. I've lived in Florida all my life.


Yeah, some of my best friends are porn.


DC: Douche Comment

jk but yeah, classy from Cormier, i hope both of then come back stronger


Or you could just develop a control over your reactions.


Congrats on saving $6!


Hehehehe righto -  I guess this is his way of making up for a lack of original artwork :-)

EDIT: (Although it does sort of fail if you have to make yourself look incredibly dense while setting it up to begin with)


> could have just told the dude the name of the fucking girl cartoon

I did. [in this post](http://www.reddit.com/r/shittyreactiongifs/comments/2smjd2/mrw_preordering_videogames/cnqy5i8). What the fuck is wrong with you?

This all could have been avoided by, you know, just accepting that I am right.


Didn't they wipe 3pos memory?


The Champions League is top level


Too much flopping in boxers. Boxer briefs = stability of briefs, comfort of boxers.


damn, beat me but 8 minutes.

Until next time that we meet again, for the first time....


You have two suits?! You fancy mother fucker


For a start, you clearly don't. That's one data point for ya!


Car was white before. It's covered in grey matter now from all the literal mind blowing.


Typical Americans: Make fun of fat people.

Are fat *themselves*.

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black..


A wizard's number of shades is never wrong. It is precisely what he means it to be.


Well, I thought his joke was pretty crappy, so it didn't take much.


If I loan someone a not-significant amount of money I'll forget about it in twenty minutes. If I owe someone anything, I'll remember until I get a chance to return it. Most of my friends are also like this. I'm apparently pretty lucky.

Edit: we also don't loan each other significant amounts of money. That helps keep things healthy.


I used to be a reddit admin, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


It's almost like actors are trained to play people with different characteristics.


You'd wager.  Because you won't be able to read it. Fucking dolt.


That is so ridiculously cute.


Well, actually, no, I rely entirely on minions to handle this for me, hence my original question:)


that's how Canadians commit suicide


I used to be used as a cup... but then I took an arrow to the knee!


3/5ths compromise jokes are great because you can tell who didn't pay attention in history class when they don't get it.


Methinks? Did you seriously use that word? What are you pretending to be?

Edit: Angry pretentious down voters ahoy!

C'mon guys, only a few more to -100! Keep it up!

Edit 3: Wow guys, I'm so honored, this is my most downvoted post evar, I'd like to thank my wife, my agent and producer and, of course, all of you kind folks who helped me make this happen. God bless and good night.


I'm surprised the username PresidentObama was even available. Or is the man powerful enough to just take it over anyway? I'd hate to see the leader of the free world reduced to taking a username like TheRealPresidentObama or POTUS69 or xx_BarackObama_xx or something.


Do you ever feel guilty for creating more dogs in the world when already so many wait and wait until getting euthanized to make room for the next batch?


How the fuck could anyone think that's okay.


sounds like our political system.


couldn't we start some websites/companies called "thewebsiteformerlyknownasthepiratebay.com"  "formerlyknownasthepiratebay.com" then sue the media for the negative publicity?


Dear Muricans!! The rest of the world calls it football.

Edit: Holy fuck!! All Americans are on down voting spree. Come on you are better than this.

Edit-2: Down voting spree continues!! Why are you so pissed off guys? Why?


Trapped in a bag?

***LETS FUCK***


my dad hits me when i lose at starcraft


Binders full of lesbians?


I've been around numerous children and none of them have blubber arms like that. Maybe this is normal and relatively healthy in the States but I've never seen a baby in Europe this fat.

Just look at that loose flap under his left arm and the canyon where his wrist is supposed to be. It's not supposed to look like that. Period.


Fuck, im still getting paid in Trident Layers...


Because only le 9faggers call them le meme arrows amirite??


Don't ever give up.  You are young and there will be hard times ahead.  Don't give up. Don't ever


He should have stomped on it.

Edit: Lions fans = mad, I'd think a sense of humbleness would be around after Suh got off so easy.


NIGGA WHAT THE FUCK.

WHAT THE FUCK.  NIGGA ARE YOU SERIOUS? WHAT DA FUCK.

WHAT DA FUCK?

But really, nice job on delivering OP.  You're awesome.


Why would I wanna do cocaine? Secondly why do people automatically assume people who smoke pot also do hard drugs?


So uh...

You doing anything later?


they say movement & exercise will help - from the picture, you need to lose some kilos anyway (unless you are fro USA where the pounds don't matter)


Be cool did the same sort of thing.


LOL You use all lowercase and expect to be taken seriously.

Didn't bother to read your post since it's most likely liberal drivel.

edit, typo


I like that she prepared ahead of time, rather than come unprepared and waste people's time even more.


Best comment of the thread and it gets downvoted.

So many fucking idiots....


Maybe you're so retarded you don't even know it.


What the hell did I do?


That is just depressing


i know. isn't god so powerful and loving?!?!!?


It's not their fault if he can't follow instructions.


The pain of stepping on one does.


Similar story at my high school, the so-called "school slut" was super involved with extracurriculars and she won an award for Outstanding Community Service when we all graduated.


Nothing better than watching the cocksure and arrogant get trolled. Someone is getting a big kick out of watching reddit get trolled in r/IAMA yet again.

Fools.


You're a good friend.  You need better friends to be a good friend to.


>See you on the front page OP

Ayy lol

Edit: fudge it, I'll take these downvotes like a man.


I know this will get buried, but _____.


Did you actually even read any of the comments you linked?


All I could picture was kids running up on Clint Eastwood's porch from Gran Torino.


Maybe you haven't tried chocolate bacon.


Always bet on Mississippi.


Oh really? [You seemed okay](http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/ob00x/please_sir_i_would_like_some_bbq_too/c3fsztt) when [dummystupid did it](http://karmadecay.com/r/pics/comments/ob00x/please_sir_i_would_like_some_bbq_too/), you little bandwagoning pissant.


Dear sweet baby jesus.


Why... Why is this downvoted? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH TELLING PEOPLE THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL, REDDIT? Jeez. It's not like he slapped her face with his penis now is it? Hell, they may even be a girl. But then it would be perfectly appropriate, of course.


I guess that would make her a one-eyed, one-legged fighting hobbled people-hater.


A lot of gamers have zero interest in LoL.

Edit: butthurt lol brigade incoming. Hold onto your Cheetos.

Edit 2: that just shows how toxic the lol community is, which is a running joke amongst non lol-ers. It's a fucking game guys, stop taking it so damned seriously.


Ah, the classic "either-or-either" sentence.  Nice.


Or, just don't get involved. It's not your business what goes on in his head and he may have just poorly articulated something different that he was trying to express. How would you like it if you went on some kind of rant after a few drinks that you wouldn't have otherwise and then for just that one reason you are now fired, blackballed and unable to pay your bills?


Higher daddy, higher!

Edit: Dreams do come true! Thanks for the gold!


Yes, seriously. If my GF ever cheaped out on a gift that bad I'd dump her in a second.


dump her ass, for real.


Thanks. I flagged it for nudity. Hopefully it gets taken down, I can't stand this viral bullshit.


Your doctor confused chin hair with hydras.


I dont think you know what terrorism mean.


Her dream job is doing it.


I don't go to parties where we talk about games, I go to ones where people actually go out.


The invention of ball gag was really breath taking.


sadly, he wasn't one going up, just a karma whore who showed up in time to clean up the mess.


It is really nice to hear a story like this where the person actually gets better.  The vast majority of stories that start with "I had to put a girl in restraints that included her head when she started biting chunks out of her own shoulder." do not end well.


Except Rekkles is more aggressive than Tabzz...

Edit: Lolz at all the people downvoting me. Don't get butthurt at me, get butthurt at Montecristo and Thorin - the REAL experts on this game. They both agreed on SI that Rekkles was more aggressive than Tabzz and that his aggressiveness could cause problems for Alliance as it clashed with their passive nature.


That would be like, hooking your anus to a fixed metal pipe, then running your ass off, literally.


Yea.. doesn't seem to be working out too well for me.


And drive at 16! Even in my country, where you are allowed to drive from the age of 18, most accidents involve youthfull drivers (under ~23 years old)


Nice rifle dumbass! I appreciate your shit post and I wish it was actually worth the time I spent looking at it. 2/10 hope you lose your virginity one day...


As an ugly woman, part of me is happy. Part of me is sad.


Damn you. You beat me to it hahaha


As a baby magnet, I can confirm this happens.


Ah yes, downvotes. Because you idiots really know the restaurant industry and the policies of the VAST majority of restaurants. Ya got me! Guess I'll go customer shame and post it to the internet. Hey, I'm sure I'll have plenty of material and NOT get fired for it, because reddit told me so!


> My PC is pretty much my personal computer

yeah OK


Yeah, it's fucking great to watch a defenseless person get attacked by someone double their weight. He could have thrown her off the bus without decking her in the face. That was pure retaliation and solved nothing that wasn't solved by throwing her off of the bus.


"Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you."


How is this not an intrusion of privacy?

He was asking for info that was not public on her site.


They say that 1 out of every 3 people in the US lives next to a pedophile. Not me though, I live next to two smokin' hot 13-year-olds

... I'll show myself out


He he. Well played sir...


I was thinkin' one night, while watchin' Chronicles of Riddick

My time'd be better spent as an Internet critic.

So I logged onto Reddit, my dick in my hand

And that's when I formulated my master plan

I saw a dude who was rappin'. I couldn't handle his flow!

So I slapped my dick on the keys and tried to let him know

PEACE


I wonder how many of these 7000 were civilians, and why nobody seems to care about that..


Never heard the one about the elephants, awesome.


Well fuck. I joke with my friend like this all the time. To the point of implying in front of his girlfriend that things have happened and continue to happen. Now I can't help but wonder if she actually thinks something's up.

ETA: Apparently people assumed I'm a woman. Which actually explains a lot about the replies I got.


Third. I'm sure that a significant majority of us here are inquisitive in part to people like you, who showed us that there is virtue in the pursuit of knowledge.


shut up you fucking fag


Well they don't really care at all they carry on business as usual. Sometimes they will try to make you feel a little better throwing a promotion here and there but at the end the higher ups only care about themselves.


Well ill disclose that im in the commodities business and am pretty good at what i do. High salaries in my industry as well as other industries such as finance are not as rare as you seem to believe.


Given that he called us humans, it is obvious that he is a dog and just learned to type.  Having an age that is a multiple of 7 is also a bit of a giveaway.


"We do weed illegally"


My mother-in-law has about 20 pairs of reading glasses cause she loses them all the time. Well, she loses them a lot by putting them up on her head and when she can't find them she just goes and gets another. I've caught her before with 3 pairs of glasses on her head.


I doubt it, they all crap and squawk.


And worthless after you contaminate it.


Downvote downvote downvote


And it only took 50,000 likes on Facebook to achieve this!


I clearly wasn't correcting.  I was ridiculing.

Also, you are mistaken... it might not be *in*correct, but it certainly isn't *correct* usage.


Who the hell drinks straight up milk after the age of 8 anyway. Fucking fart machine.


I read that as you switched your search engine to bing for a month...


oh yes what a whimsical photo of a man learning that he is about to be murdered by his own fucking country. droll even!

you fucking people


TL;DR, a neighbor took me in and finally let me back outside.


Oh poor whites suffering from blatant racism.


Now I ain't saying she's a throne digger...


I was planning on answering your question in this post but then I determined you haven't met the requisite qualifications for me to even grace you with any sort of direct answer ;)

That said, the prerequisites are not arbitrary lol you are dumb as shit :)


You should label them


Convenient that he found his lunch then.


I'm his brother and can safely say that he made that comment up. We don't even have a sister. You can sleep soundly tonight.


As of yet, a shapesnatch deck has never been beaten.


It's something of a remnant from œ I believe, kind of like how dingleberries are remnants of that shit you took earlier today.


lmao i did nazi that coming!


Wow, Dexter's a lot more open these days


Here is red tape: We aren't selling you any more of our products in the future.


You're manlier than I am...


Adding some witty one-liner just before you introduce your soft science-born terminology really helps the layman digest it without too much reactionary protest.

Very clever.


My 4th grade teacher once told us that our college professors would only accept our papers and essays in cursive.

LOL

Edit: Spelling. And when I say spelling I mean auto correct.


I hope they had guests.


I think this is my favorite response.


I'm not.

Animals get abused constantly and legally in slaughterhouses and no one goes to arrest their greedy asses, but animal cruelty laws are putting people in jail for years for hurting animals they paid for.

If I bought a dog and killed it and ate it, I would go to jail for a year and be a felon. That's fucked up. Fuck animal cruelty laws.


Puberty is nature's roller coaster.


He's a nobody, there's a reason he's playing games on Twitch even though he has no idea what he's doing, attracting viewers.


QUICK BEAT YOUR WIFE SO YOU CAN GET OFF EASY!


well could you blame them not wanting to put a fat fedora tipping champ into the game?


I get confused a lot when I am here.  Like, why the fuck am I here?  I don't even like these people.


WRONG. She consented, read the damn post. If a girl can take back her consent at any time then that would leave a lot of guys liable for rape if the girl feels like being a bitch. Don't be ridiculous.


>By the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means "you are," Y-O-U-R means your!

FTFY

EDIT: [My reaction to someone downvoting me even though you know I'm right.](http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/3612301/friends-fine-by-me-o.gif)


HORRIBLE SONG GIVE ME YOUR DOWNVOTES!


Not much. I've been sober for over 2 years now and am back in school studying biomedical engineering.


He's my husband though, I can't just stop having sex with him or we'll have other problems.


Its death is still buffering.


You didn't have to downvote me. Jesus, not everyone knows all the tricks of the trade to every single aspect of the game.


Every science hypothesis is vetted among the team, and we would want to make sure we were absolutely certain it was life/fossils/etc. before releasing it to the public. But we absolutely would release this information, once we had sufficient evidence and it was agreed upon among the science teams! We follow this procedure for all of our interesting finds.

-Keri/@KeriOnMars


Not looking for approval. I get off on the comments and pics/messages.


for this next stunt (tomorrow night at 730 PM in new york) i actually have a harness so i dont fall off and die, which normally i would never worry about


He finished with you. You are a whore.


I know how to open a door in Minecraft using redstone


LmAo WhY DiiiiiiiiiiiDn'T YoU **FuCk HiiiiiiiiiiS BrAinS OuT AnD EaT hiiiiiiiiiiS OrGaNs** !??!?! EvEn iiiiiiiiF YoU HaD a BoYfRiiiiiiiiiEnD !!! WhO CaReS !!!!!!

MiiiiiiiiiiiGhT HaVe SoMe FuN SoMeTiiiiiiiiMeS ......


It's like you wanted to get caught.


> brings up the fact that you cry when you watch Nicholas Sparks movies.

My partner knows about how I cry during every Nicholas Cage movie.

"Why? Why is he doing this? Doesn't he know how terrible it is???"


I think that someone is probably testing a mass-downvote bot.


you mean your mom?

O SNAP

^sorry, ^couldn't ^resist


Helping someone by telling them how to better use the system is now getting on his back?


I read this today.  Seems on point:

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

― Jim Rohn


Speaking of accidentally a packet or two, I think you accidentally a whole word.


Ha ha. I actually liked black parents better.  All parents just let their kids run wild there, but if they were misbehaving and you brought the kid to their parents, the white ones would get very defensive and entitled.  The black parents would promise to "whoop his ass later."

I'm white, so I can be mean to white people.


i thought he was pretty funny and kinda sad. le rage faces always get me xD


"Lady, stop hitting me, I'm trying to fix your carburetor."


real people just downvote everything.

PS: All of you are stupid casual faggots who should go kill themselves in the near future.


I also work at home.  No pants Fridays?  No pants every day.


Using modern nation borders is racism.

Oh, okay.


The day men stopped caring about getting real pussy.

Edit: Thanks for the gold ya filthy animal!


The cups are in the Roo's pouch.


Aaaaaaaand now I'm subscribed to this subreddit.


I feel like they tried to sneak a joke in while they're boasting, but it's not a very effective joke.  It just makes them look stupid.


Reminds me of a joke:

Person 1: Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

Person 2: No.

Person 1: So it was you!


Are u fucking retarded? It was cracked before the game was released. This is just a server emulator, less efficient then a crack but not something crackers are "having a tough time with". Cracking the sc2 beta MIGHT be a crack that gave them a "tough time" but i doubt it.


+1 for putting in the effort to reach us with your advice!


look at that little slut wearing green, trying to make me horny


Return their television. Problem solved.

If anybody needs me, I'll be in Hell.


ii mm knott dumb juxt specceal


I just read "He Wanted to" Below...I'll take that for 100


That's an attitude that leads to failure, and it matters enough to rub me the wrong way. Don't pretend that you aren't bothered by little things


not if I'm within 500 feet.


I *really* hope you're kidding.


just buy a diva cup dude. it takes up like, 3 cubic inches of space as opposed to closet full and it's way more cost effective.

and don't be all like 'Diva Cups are gross' cause I know you get peanut butter and jelly period shits like the rest of us.


That's not how it works.


It's a Swiss army vagina


And... Cleriesse is butthurt.

When is your birthday?


> I worked at a law firm


Look, here's the thing that most people are missing here:

OP says he accepts his girlfriend for who she is, and yet he is trying to change her. Why are we ragging on the girlfriend for not showing deferential respect without also nailing OP for being a hypocrite?


Gotta warm em up properly. but yeah, the soreness is a thing. it's okay though most girls don't seem to mind. I've never been rejected because of size but I have had to do some really smooth convincing at times. part of the gig


Lol it's kids who drink it!

How old are you?


"Bitch" - Jessie - S5E04
"Bitch" - Jessie - S1E02


Upvote for having your sandwhich-related priorities straight.


**IT IS A ENVIRONMENTALST MESSAGE SYMBOLIC U MORONS ALL U MORONS WHO SAY WTF TO THIS.**

suckadick#


I guess he's never seen the Michael Bay Transformers movies then.


I used to post in babytalk, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


My brother, a known idiot, has told his 14- year old daughter, in all seriousness, that if we could just unlock the full potential of our brains that we would be able TO FLY. She had asked me about it because "it didn't sound right." No, no it doesn't sound right.


God doesn't exist, you delusional crone. There is no afterlife. You will cease to be, and your flesh will rot.


Builds immune system for more serious attacks


anon is not your army of graphic designers.


Help, Pope not dying

Edit: Thanks for the gold!


I have two monitors, I can Reddit and essay at the same time...right?


I wonder what it feels like to be vindicated and immortalized all in one day.


Will you give me a million dollars?


How bad can a 3½-inch floppy be?


So does your [MOM](http://i.imgur.com/OZWYj.gif)


I made an account so I could unsubscribe from /r/atheism and not see it on my front page.


wow thats terrible. how retarded can you be. hope you die of an infection so that teaches you a lesson


"Why is corki in the middle of our team?" - TSM

"Why is corki in the middle of their team?" - CLG


 masturbating just isn't the same anymore once you've had pussy/butthole

Edit: ppl downvoting me and others for saying pussy > palm . lol dafuq?


I find it utterly intolerable. My poor boyfriend knows to turn the tv on when we eat for fear of his life. It will put me in a horrible mood.


Thank you, r/todayilearned from 3 days ago.


I bake the fuck out of pies, bread, and sometimes sit down when I pee. Just the other day my gf needed a pair of shoes and didn't have time to get any, so I went shopping for her.

I've never seen something so fragile as the male ego.

It's really, *really* nice to do what I want and not give a fuck.


It's not edge, it's just the way i've gone trough life. It makes for a perfectly healthy daily life you know, never worrying, just going to work from 9 to 5, and then having your choice of whatever you want, without anything influencing your decisions. Weekends always filled, weekdays too.


You know, Ive tried saying meow but there's just not as many chances to say "now" when someone's ordering a yummy coffee.


Not a botnet - the liberty activist (not me) has total control.


An alien mothership running windows 95... it's amazing to think they actually made it to Earth in one piece.


/r/NFL has been getting a sick sexual thrill masturbating to Seahawks fans tears the last few days.

I appreciate someone actually sympathizing with us for once.  That was a hard one to watch.  I wish more members of /r/NFL realized Seahawk fans are people too.


If you repeatedly get jewellery you will never wear, your parents really don't understand you very well.


I downvoted you for complaining about being downvoted


This is so cool! Where the hell did they say the car was for the duration of the repairs?


And today we *do* have a scientific understanding of what occurred in this gif, therefore God is unlikely to exist.

Feel free to point out the problem with this logic.


Nah, just nervous. It was the first time a Lion had been at the super bowl, after all.


Mods don't have **le** power to IP ban and it takes 5 seconds to create an account. They can delete comments but it's a futile effort to ban peop**le** on reddit.


It's Mario KART you fucking liar


You are either too young to realize that $200 could mean a severe health detriment for her, because old people spend fortunes on monthly medicine, or too much of an asshole, even bigger than her. There's a limit to payback, and it's been crossed so hard it isn't funny or justified any longer.


How do you get a Jewish girl's number?  *Roll up her sleeve!*


DIS IS FUNNY CAWSE DA WEDDITORS IN DIS SUBWEDDIT HAS NEVA TOUCH WOMEN BEFOR GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


And then orchestral soundtrack with the volume of a fighter jet.


well he definitely was expecting to get laid but is firmly in the friendzone


good thing they got there before you both got raped...


Technically not a repost!


This was the funniest thing I've seen Adam Sandler do in 15 years. That is both happy and sad at the same time.


Why does there have to be people like you? Project M is part of our community, no matter what anyone thinks.


No other invention we've ever made has kept up such a rate of improvement for such a long period of time.  Moore's law and its implications are just crazy.


Really?

Why does he have handgun and rifle clips stuck all over him when he's using belt-fed machine guns?


Did you just reply to yourself?


/r/evenwithcontext

:edit   wow a new record.    Thanks folks.


Nfc tag in the bathroom. Tap it and Spotify automatically opens. Lifesaver.


get naked you ugly whore


"Shit, I think I might have killed her. Better play this one off cool, Fabio..."

EDIT: Cheers mucker.


I don't understand why it's complicated. There are 3 different choices, (25% is listed twice). You have a 33% chance of being correct when randomly choosing.


A lot of guys will be shocked if you penetrate them all of a sudden. Give him a minute to adjust.


"edit: who the hell is downvoting this? I had a positive 5 a few minutes ago!?!?"

Me, among, apparently, hundreds of others.


This is so real it hurts. The struggle of dealing with non-tech people. And no amount of explaining and reasoning will convice them.


One of the guys on the trip broke his hand punching a ladyboy when he found a "surprise"


*c'mon guy, you've got new buddies*

*you've got free canadoh*


Honestly flying solo at a wedding probably gave you an excuse to take full advantage of the open bar. No major commitments or obligations so you can get as drunk as you want and make a fool of yourself in front of random strangers.


>a christian

Generalizing is awesome.

EDIT: -5 points.  So generalization is cool among you guys?


Also, sometimes you get shot at.


Then you shoulda used that picture. People react to what they see.


Looking for new tyres, a man walked into a tyre store (which was sensible) and asked the attendant "Do you have any of the black ones that are good with gravelly bits?" To which the attendant replied, "


*That is*, not *that's*. Sorry, but **language's** *(see, makes no sense)* important, even if you don't think so.


"I love the capitalism"


Ive checked the posting histories of most of the people involved and SRD is the common thread , even the OP is an SRD mod alt account.


Just take the people writing the lore

EDIT: God dammit now I have to edit in a thank you for the gold. But seriously, thanks man!


Smart people will do their own research and stupid ones won't. It's evolution at work.


The camera slowly pans to his face as he sheds a single tear


You're not bringing the thread down.

^You're ^turning ^me ^on...


Id call him 'Jizz Pockets.'

EDIT; Thanks everyone. My highest rated comment is about jizzing in pockets. Love you all.


>I like to sleep without my hijab on.

Is your fear of men that deep? Outside of feminist circles, that's usually considered an unhealthy fear.


My wife introduced me to Shiner Bock before we got engaged. I gave that bitch a wedding. Bitches love weddings.


The same way security systems have people try and deliberately get through and if they succeed, the people in charge get chewed out. The TSA does it, I'm sure every place does.


My god.

A post too late.

Apostolate.

O_O


Superman is against killing. I'm guessing the kid is superman.


Employer: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

\**Don't say "doing your wife", don't say "doing your wife".*\*

You: "Doing your....son?"


He only replied, not necessarily upvoted... duh


>They are bread by humans and live a tormented life.
>> They are bread by humans
>>> THEY ARE BREAD BY HUMANS
>>>> **BREAD**

http://imgur.com/rBW3z.jpg


i prefer the number 13 actually


Man, your reply gave me so much hope. I am filled with happiness right now, every single word you say is true. Man, you know what you're talking about, you know your stuff. That was some damn good motivation, I'm just gonna keep my head up high and live my life the fullest! Thanks, I really appreciated your reply! THANKS!


No, it is not OK. But if we are here all sensitive we can talk about real things, like your country killing innocent people around the world...


The day reddit stopped screwing around and got down to business


Your second-hand verification of another person's unverifiable information is unverifiable.


How many people thought about killing me, but seriously.


He's a nigger, nuff for me.


> mutant

solved.


You're the one who's badly informed and in need of some serious reading into the matter. Pit bulls have a genetic predisposition toward unprovoked deadly violence. The vast majority of dog attacks (resulting in people being maimed and killed) have been caused by pit bulls.


Have you ever considered the possibility that your parents didn't love you?


WELL THERE'S PLENTY OF INTERESTING THINGS YOU CAN DO. HAVE YOU EVER TRIED MARIJUANA?


I wouldnt suggest it. They'd sweep the floor with you.


Never understood the entertainment of reading a foreigner's broken english. People swear it's stand up comedy whenever they say anything out of the ordinary, but I guess reddit and twitter is into that kind of stuff.


Every day in work!

I'm 28.


Even though he can't even spell his own kid's name right half the time?


Starting this past Friday, the 13th, people have really started noticing me.  It's still a new experience - people knowing you from a random picture.  It's all been in good fun, which is cool.

I went running throughout the City last night and a couple people yelled at me throughout my run.


Took me a little but I got it.

Sweet fuck, you guys are easily butthurt.


**2000 18-22 YEAR OLD MALES KILLED IN FREAK LIGHTNING DISASTER. SOURCES INDICATE CULT/CHILD PORNOGRAPHY SITE REDDIT TO BLAME**


Sandy hook is a hoax. Do some research. If not why so much secrecy?


Unless you earned this achievement at eight years old.  Not so positive then.


Reddit loves it though, right? lol


It's technically an auto-immune disease. There are no other effects, I just don't have hair. That's why I prefer call it a condition, because I'm really not sick, just bald.


Haha thanks for the laughs :)

Edit: WHY AM I BEING DOWNVOTED?? REDDIT MAKES ME A SAD LITTLE KITTEN :'3


Very good people can be very bad people for just one moment


If this was /r/gaming I'd understand. I'd never enter your sacred place. But this is /r/videos for real life incidents. So it's not a "gaming" forum.


No, you don't understand: Ken's concerned that the other dude will be killed *as a consequence* of their balls touching. The fear is that the energy released would be so great the other man's body would be destroyed outright.


really??? Not even sympathy for that...OH sorry I should really gobble some knob when my dad was dying or I was busy birthing and nursing 3 children....sheeeeeesh


I can totally see myself snapping like this at some point.


It's only interesting if you're selling it. There's an absolute fuckload of us who could post pictures on pictures of pimp and old shit, but we don't because gloating is frowned upon.


> trying to figure out how much ramen I could buy with $16 and handed me a $20. It made me cry. (I'm glad I'm not poor anymore. But I'll always remember that lady.)

Pay it forward. If you see it happening in the grocery store, pass that $20 on along.


Le epic gif reaction face


Deficio because I see far too much of you with the 98327423423 selfies you post!


Being an asshole by targeting one person to get laughs from others doesn't make you funny.

It makes you an asshole.


They teach it to us in school from a young age.


True, but there are people in this field who are doing their best to raise sufficient funds to develop more extensive research. Till then, this is what we have, and if it's not good enough for some people, that's too bad.


One of the penises is the bears. Its a trophy.


I agree, that cat is a fucking retarded ~~half-nigger~~ and should be put down.

Happy, liberal ass shits?


Finally, an actual answer that wasn't butt stuff, haha.


When I smoke enough weed to drop my IQ from well above average to well below average.


Are you worried about him reading this thread?


It's a serious question. Is it like the "i'm 12 and what is this?" Joke?


My favorite anime ever is GHOST IN THE SHELL. Absolutely beautiful. I have to watch that movie once every few months. So inspiring.


>  but to wrongly use it to influence policy

What exactly is wrong with quoting the bible?


Its probably like a pancake


The game is ALPHA Test and been out for less than 24 hours. It is NOT pay to win ... Lemmings.


This is ~~amazing~~ shitty!


Yes. And?

That doesn't really explain the mechanics of how he avoided being injured. I'm not asking for, or interested in, a technical diagram. I'm just curious what happened beyond "I got lucky." That part is obvious.


"Do you get it? Because my alter ego is BATman."

*winks*


Hey, good job on checking the genitalia of severely injured/dead kids. You're a standup motherfucker.


I've waved to my local police officers. Wasn't even shot or anything.


To be fair, American children are pretty stupid.


$20k is just a hair less of what I make in a year. I hate that man now


It counters the EPS downvote mob for your account and other liberty activists.


I'm from Oregon and I'm also kind of disappointed that's not a regular thing anymore.


Good for you. /r/circlejerk


You never asked about their conversation piece?


Holy fuck! Pokemon is not funny or amusing at all! I fucking HATE everyone who upvoted this.
If all of you would please line up in front of my house so i can consequetively BEAT THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU! i wish nothing but bad things upon all of you douche bags!!!


God has taken a few months off from hating Cleveland to focus exclusively on the 49ers.


dude why the fuck aren't you angry about actual racism? This is a joke about redditors who are racist. If you're black and/or not racist then this joke *doesn't target you*.


*Sent from my macbook pro.


So you would take him over Pogba and Vieira ;)?


Apparently they did a shitty programming job...


She gave god credit for the incident.  My response is valid. It was her words.  God was responsible.


That conductor was a BRO!


Maybe you should take a nap. You got drunk enough from looking at two 3.5% beers to misspell alcohol


***NO TOUCHING!!!*** **\<thwack\>**


Less than 1 month old account.

Try Harder.


You should practice better security, too.  I totally just figured out [who you are](http://i.imgur.com/tE1SA.jpg).

Be careful what you do on the internet, man.


~~Hope he doesn't die soon.~~

~~Yeah, I'm a fucky person.~~

I apologize. I'm still a fucky person.

But I want to make an observation: If not for the first few downvoters, ya'll wouldn't have jumped on the bandwagon of downvoting the shit out of me and cussing me out, thus taking my post at face value and possibly finding the dark humor in it.


Potluck wedding? That actually sounds really fun


hahahaahahahhaha XD ur not funny stfu now k?

**I HATE DOWNVOTERS FUCK YOU**


"Whoops, your high school's funding went away. What a shame about those state retirement funds for your teachers, too."


8.00/h would be a reasonable wage if we did not have minimum wage laws.  Blame Democrats for fucking the economy up every chance they have got since FDR.


You're the most consistent politician ever.


Cutest? Is this really what your teacher taught you? Not every adjective can be turned into the superlative form by an -est suffix.

Hint: "most cute"


His name is Barnaby Jones.  He's a British Junior diplomat that works at the British Embassy in Pyongyang.

Source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2182429/Junior-British-diplomat-identified-mysterious-Westerner-pictured-riding-rollercoaster-North-Korean-leader-Kim-Jong-Un.html

Edit:  Oh good lord, I get it.  Barnaby Jones is everyone's new best friend.


This isnt a new fucking thing

EDIT: I invented a new shape of lightbulb, well call it the Pickdickle. Sign my kickstarter.


http://imgur.com/s5Rxj

There are many more gifs below mine in this thread! /r/NobodyCaresApostolate


I used to make awkward faces that looks like Abraham Lincoln, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


doesn't matter;got married


Why? This seems right up your alley.


And welcome to the big dick club


I find it highly amusing how much you guys will get behind a grandstanding crybaby.


Eat a ton of celery....and if your being super nice to your lady....add pineapple to for taste


Hah allied war crimes. That's funny, tell me about some please. And don't mention the atom bombs or Dresden because that isn't a war crime. That was destroying enemy fortifications, troops, and supplies. Because considering how many civilians wound up killing allied troops in the closing months of the invasion of Germany, it is absurd to argue anyone was a non-combatant.


"Soil" is kind of an overstatement. You can grow plants in soil.


Just curious, why do you feel the need to post this comment? Why not just upvote?

Lol @ "reddiquette"


...so its impossible then?


Wow ok not really sure why I'm getting down voted but w/e


And if I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.


Go stick a pen in your trigger guard.


"I am tired of stalking this girl, better return these things I don't need."


DAdy Nooo It HURTs GOO GAAGA!!!!!!!!


Then get guy number three to come 2 minutes later in a ski mask. Tell him the password is "Give me all your money"


Because you are a faggot that doesn't realize the inherent differences between male and female.


FYI; The reason, why people needed to clean wallpaper, was because back then most homes were heated through coal chimneys. The black coal dust would accumulate on the wallpaper.


It is against the law and there were probably kids there...


Kind of terrifying because you are a cowardly piece of shit.


There's probably video of it somewhere.


If you believe that's possible.


Despite all his praise, he really wasn't a model human being.


When I first read this comment i was like WTF then I noticed the Username!


The mailbox isn't going to run around itself!


Nigga once I fuckin told my pops that our pig shitted on the lawn but he didn't fuckin believe my shit so I told him to sit the fuck down since he was fuckin annoying and he shot in the fuckin leg. Gay ass nigga.

EDIT: He told me to "not fuck around like that lil-nigga" like the fuck? Damn.


Yes, people are *Waffen* their *SS* off.


that'll be five centilitres please


What evidence of wage theft is there?


ribbed for *my* pleasure god damnit!


If you regret it, that means she raped you.
Edit: Some people dont understand jokes. I was mocking those idiots lately that think its ok to say a guy raped them if they regret it the next morning.


Woooooooooooooooooooowww


r/nocontext is the worst thing about reddit


The *saddest* short story ever written.

**edit:** I realize that there are a slew of possible explanations and interpretations of this "story", but people, it's *Hemingway*! That being said, I appreciate the flood of perspective and karma. Never thought this would get so much attention but that's what happens when one you ride the coattails of a top rated comment. Cheers!


I has cheeseburger ! nom nom nom nom


Haha, Australia - "not venomous".

Hahahahahaha


so what if its shopped? its in the 'FUNNY' sub-reddit.. not the 'i promice these pictures are genuine' sub-reddit


If you get stripper titty in your mouth, I just wonder how many other guys mouths have just been on that titty.


woooheeee! haha! *chuckle* HAHAHAHA! hehehe!

*a few boos, here and there*

*whistling*


Imagine if, as he looked up after the flashback, all we hear is a loud "*Plunk*".


you have a point, but i have put some links that seem perfect for the Reddit forum many times and received very few votes.  i truly feel that this issue is worth a little bit whoring and even a little bit of SHOUTING.


Jack had charm.

Bobby had fervor.

If Ted drives you home

bring a life preserver.


so, i didnt. fuck yourself.


She's still straight fucking nasty!! Disgraceful! Poor kid. And honestly I don't care what you think you know about how all women think, but I have a man who loves me, and that's all that matters. Just calling it how I see it, and I see some atrocious broad.


because your mother is a whore, trebek!


It's swollen. Which means one got bigger. Not smaller.ಠ_ಠ


You need to calm the fuck down.


my sides

you just made my day, fag.


Do I have to pay you anything if I use that?


it confused me a little bit. so i posted this.


The cake may be a lie, but that scale isn't, chubby.


No, the parents should have taken away the kid's phone, inspected it themselves for porn at the least.


/r/philosophy,

Is over there sugar tits.

Only Haikus here


Perspective is everything and you don't have much of that, yet.

Move out on your own or be honest with those you live with about the choices you make that affect them.


I think we should adopt your version.


He has unique DNA though. Nigger.


What would you win? Money? You're going to take money from the cancer society? God damn...


At least they allow him eat at the table.  Oh and Idk if you noticed but there is a black fellow in the picture.  Just so you know.


Now I'm imagining you with your head down remaking a sandwich for an extremely confused customer.


I imagine the follow up being "well can I pay in Karma?" xD


C'mon England. Your greatest contribution to the world was America!


-Gets bombarded with beard grooming product ads.


oh, well, that changes things. i was going to go off on you for posting this stupid, unfunny crap to r/funny. but if he really is NOT a fan of justin beiber then, oh ho ho, hilarious!


Arthur Martin from 6 feet under


giant tits giant gut, basically a fat bitch with a cute face


Who are you, the Billy Mays of cancer stories?


SRS didn't dox anyone.  Bonus fact: neither did Adrien Chen!

Doesn't it feel good to defend violentacrez because...he's personal friends with the admins and mods?

Where's reddit's much-vaunted skepticism?  Sigh...


"Please describe your assailant" "uh...."


i dont get it either and why does he have to say he a waiter oh well **YOLO**


"Ma'am we're going to have put your dog down, he has autism"


ummm, what? IAmA is not a gaming subreddit so it's undoubtedly filled with scumbag casuals and noobs... why should the casuals receive this before true gamers do? it's much more relevant to /r/gaming. plus it's insulting to the developers to have a bunch of Wii-owning soccer dads asking them inane questions.


I saw a couple of typos.  Nothing big, but, you know, makes your post less than perfect.  I'll give you 75% of an upvote.  Do we have a deal?


Please don't project your own sexual perversions onto video game characters


Boston Seagulls... Thank god this isn't a real thing.
Edit: First comment to blow up like this, and everyone's impressions have been chuckle-worthy!


I would have if someone didn't bring up the opposing side for an argument :)

I just wanted a place where i can have a detailed conversation about history

It looks like HISTORYPORN is not that place

You should learn about the cold war next, did you know the Communist where the first people to put a satellite in space? Amazing right?


You underestimate the cost of an extended hospital stay in America.


Yes im sure their relationship is 100% authentic and not embelished for political reasons at all


And if you book through expedia or travelocity or some third party this doesn't apply. Some (such as fucking expedia) have a $200 cancellation policy, even if your flight costs less than $200 and you bought it 5 mins ago.

Moral of the story: Use 3rd party sites to search for flights but then book directly through the carrier.


Hey, don't be racist.


It.... it TALKS?!

But really man, thanks for your work. You've made me smile more than anyone on here.


Taco didn't lie, but they have to be penises from those animals, not human penises.


I too have never beaten my wife at a bowling alley.


Wow this post is cursed, all it's children are downvoted to hell and back. Fuck.


"The boss makes a dollar when I make a dime

That's why I shit on company time"


also boooooooooooooooooo, but have an upvote too! XD


Being corrected by you has turned my rod into a snake.


What's up, /r/SubredditDrama?


How the hell did that go?

"Uhh, your boyfriend, he ..."

"Yeah, yeah. Just not in the eyes"


How could you have come to that conclusion when there isn't a nsfw nor nsfl tag on the post?  You need help.


It doesn't matter if I like the flavor or if he likes the flavor - if not enough people buy it, it goes bye-bye.


What does "FA women" mean? And what is this subreddit about? Hating on obese people? Do you realize how disgusting that is? People have feelings, I can't believe there is seriously a subreddit about this. Terrible.


No. She beat him. It's scumbags like you who are blind to this abuse.

Do I need a /s? I feel I need a /s.


like dis if u cry evertim


oh, you didn't get the rocket parts and fuel plan? Ooh, bummer.


Well to call one healthier, the other one has to be healthy in the first place. Kinda just how the language works.


All I want to do is play my Trivia Crack in fucking peace BUT NO FUCKING KATE UPTON HAS TO INTERRUPT MY EVERY MOVE.


That deserves to be a top comment...


Well you know what they say....

Where Anne hath a will, Anne Hathaway


ADHD is a fake disorder the medical establishment came up with because they realized they didn't like the way little boys behaved.


At the school my wife worked (past tense thank god) the school board wanted to make a rule where teachers could only get pregnant between September and October.  That way they had the baby during the summer and the school "didn't waste money on substitute teachers".

The rule did not go into effect, but apparently it was a topic they spent many hours debating.


Sounds like you have a case of what we in the soft sciences call OCD, or, the O.C. Disorder.


Nope. But I envy the mothers like yours who still had the audacity to say, "is it in yet?"


>Prey

A fitting name for a program that you've used to [capture 34 images](http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/2rzj1s/a_kid_that_lives_in_the_dominican_republic_he/cnkpxer) of a teen boy masturbating.

Edit: /s ... Jesus Christ I leave you people for a couple of hours and this is what I come back to?


And faster. And if safe search is off... *sexier*.


What is the difference between telling someone to ask her a question and asking people to disclose private conversations they had with her in the past?


Late-posted response goes here.


Oh you win the Internet! How did you make that up so fast??? You sir are a rare wit. I am cut and chastened.


Like the story, but I especially liked imagining you as a "pail boy" -- a boy who transports small buckets.


who are you ? and why are you +12 in my RES ?

 edit : -35 for asking a question to one individual ? stay classy WTF

edit 2 : he was +12 because he posted [this video](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0) , case closed.


At least he is humble.


Wow, that has no relevancy except it also concerns a suicide.  But's it's a reddit favorite and a lot of people will recognize it, so karma glalore.  You stupid fuck.  You sick weirdo.  Rat cockroach piece of shit.  Kill yourself you whore.


Stand next to people smarter than you are.


Oooh, great idea! Will do next time. Those stupid pictures of flowers on the ceiling just ain't gonna cut it.


The last three guys I've hooked up with I gave like 30+ minute blowjobs and none of them had the decency to go down on me at all.

Edit: I'm super clean and shaved, okay. You guys can stop telling me my vagina probably stinks!


Then you film yourself while having sex with another woman. Leave your gf while she is asleep and put the video somewhere she goes in the morning. epic breakup is epic


I live in Texas so this probably my best option


How does Sundance's penis taste?


Appreciate the kind words.


He's a potentially top class midfielder. I don't want to startle you but the big European nations churn out two or three of them every 5-8 years. Often more.

It's called turnover.


Cold toilet seat = illusion of cleanliness


Most girls at the mall outclass Mila.


This started out possibly cute, then took a quick swing to the dark side


**If you're not from le 9gag, you might as well shove a banana up your nigger hole ಠ_ಠ**

**UPVOTE FOR LE 9GAG ARMY, AMA**


Yeah, all you have to do is be a Medal of Honor recipient and the hardest working, most loyal motherfucker in existence and good things will happen to you. Its frightening that someone can watch a movie about a retarded boy from Bumfuck growing up and experiencing the pits of life's despair and the peaks of its triumphs and somehow think that movie has anything to do with white male privilege.


I don't even know him, how could it be personal?  I assure you that my contempt is entirely for his abilities as a site admin, not for his personal qualities.

As stupid as reddit has become with the influx of the digg and facebook crowds it's still the best news aggregator.  If somebody makes a better site (IQ test 120+ for membership) then I will go there.


Is this *real?* I hate crowds and all but that's just silly.


You need a life. Also, many of those pictures the male is either behind the object(thus not blocking the view) or he is required to be in the picture for it to work (like the guy djing with a cat).

Feminist neckbeards. Lol.


"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but, when we look back everything is different."

-C.S Lewis


When all it takes is 4 pinches from calipers to get a measurement that is infallible, then BMI is bullshit and the fact it's still used is bullshit.


O O O O'reilley'ssss Auto Parts. Fuckin cunts


Most are shortcuts to apps, or in the case of the one on the Home screen, a link to a demo on the marketplace.


You're thinking of bears.


Well this should really improve race relations between cops and citizens. What  a fucking idiot.


Yeah i find it funny..


Took my parents 11 fucking years to figure out something was wrong with me....


bron yr aur stomp is a led zeppelin song you ignorant fuck


This is my routine..http://www.muscleandstrength.com/workouts/24-doug---s-5-day-high-definition-routine.html My starting weight was 275 I am now between 165 - 170


The officer seemed like he thought it was funny, but had to follow protocol.


"I like owls?"

"I like turtles."

"Oh, my mistake."


You don't have to dress in button-downs and chinos with short hair to be employable, unless you want to work in a sterile, corporate office where everyone is a clone of each other.


Please understand I say this with as little offense intended as possible, but if you are in need of a roommate in the future please hesitate to contact me.


nice south park reference


Try harder, you've got a lot of baggage with that name of yours.


That wouldnt happen, stop making shit up.


Anyone ever play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game? When somebody gets up to go to the bathroom, take two shots.


Don't bitch about cross posting. This is how reddit works. Share relevant content in communities that would care about it.

PS: If I cared about karma, I'd delete this comment, but I don't. Downvote away if that makes you feel good.


If boner lasts longer than 4 hours, call more ladies


Seems to me like they're going to rename the club Liverpool American Football Club soon... Why did they put Warrior's logo in the seats?

EDIT : Downvotes, really? Faith in humanity = unstored! Seriously, I was just stating my opinion, sorry guys.


Here is what he needs to do, call him back and tell him that he'll be in contact shortly to figure out how to pay and wait 4 more years to even try to talk to him again

EDIT: Do I have to add I'm not a lawyer, do not take my advice?


You do realize the kid apologized, and admitted to being wrong, whereas the guy with millions of fans won't accept that he throws his weight around wildly inappropriately?

> he totally deserves the harrasment, death threats, and being told he deserves to die. What a terrible person he is for supporting a charity he is partnered with.

Things I have not said.


Highest popeulation density in the world.


My freedom of speech is not negotiable.


From the look of that throw - He's never done that in his life.

I'm guessing he's fine financially.


Guess if "food"means minimum needed to survive without enjoyment or drinks, then that's fine.


I cut my hair to look like my avatar. Showed a picture of it to a hairstylist and everything.


You could just deliver fully like you said you would.


Nevermind. Can I still have karma?


Sigh. I am not looking to start a fight, okay?

Did I say the internet is set up for just me? No. I did not.

Also, when I first saw the post, there were no comments on it, so I figured no one cared about black women transitioning to natural hair.

Now leave me alone.


The pioneers used to ride these babies for miles!


Ohhh..you *had* to throw in that little snippet about not being insured and being afraid of the bill, didn't you, you fucking sensationalist neckbeard liberal FUCK

you got the funds for a fuckng aquarium but decided not to invest in your OWN HEALTHCARE...it's you own damn fault you irresponsible hipster FUCK


But... how could you... how could you get tricked when he's replying to a comment literally talking about "tree fiddy"??


Im gonna post this here so it doesnt get buried.

One time I was at a party and this girl had passed out drunk. This guy walked up and makes out with her, pulls her top down, and took a picture. I couldnt believe it. No one saw it.


Don't let the angsty teens with their Che shirts hear you.


That would be funny seeing artosis's baby getting teared up by a bunch of ~~niggers~~ Marauders big black dicks


YOU ARE TEARING ME APART LISA!!!!!!


With that kind of logic, how are you still alive?

Someone farted, better cauterize your nose.

Someone is wearing ugly clothes, better gauge out your eyes.

Someone has a drinking problem, better remove your own liver.

Someone stabbed someone else, better have your arms chopped off.


This drives me nuts about some comics too.

Character 1: "What's your superpower?"

Character 2: "Magic."

Character 1: "THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS MAGIC!" *flies away*

Edit: clarification and trivial grammar error.


Kids need to be taught not to pick them up. If they can't handle that, they don't need to grow up. The deaths of a few redneck's children has nothing to do with the political necessity of an armed populace.


First thought: "The fuck is a pre-schooler doing with 20 joints in her pocket?"


I don't think 10 cartoon elves sucking on Santa Clause's lactating udders counts as sex but I didn't finish the video so maybe I missed it.


That within one linear centimeter of your lower colon there lives and works more bacteria (about 100 billion) than all humans who have ever been born. Yet many people continue to assert that it is we who are in charge of the world.


Am I *what*?

EDIT: I don't post to /r/gonewild.

EDIT 2: I mean I don't post pics of myself there. I don't post pics of myself *anywhere*. That's how you end up getting doxxed.


You got trolled by [adreamofhodor](http://www.reddit.com/user/adreamofhodor/)


You type like a drunk person speaks.


If you are really that stubborn to not realize you asked a stupid question there is nothing more i can say to you.

At least you get to sleep soundly knowing the bleeding heart of reddit has your back

Oh and your mother was a whore little buddy


and record the interview


>She was polite, this guy was categorically a douchebag

[Tone arguments, tone arguments everywhere](http://www.derailingfordummies.com/complete.html). The only thing that matters is that the guy was right, and he had the right to express his opinion. He had no obligation of being polite to an employee of a company that actively supports hate groups.


Incoming /r/pyongyang ban.


People can continue to downvote me for stating facts, but guys...players are employees. They are replaceable parts who are hired by owners to perform a job. Comparing Cousins to Steve Jobs is beyond idiotic. Jobs was the Chairman & Founder of Apple. Cousins is one of 12 guys paid to play.


Of course he leaves out Jerry.


If I could give 10 up votes I would!!! LOL


Paul Lieberstein (Toby) had been running the show the two seasons before Steve left and was doing a great job.  There was something about the energy of the ensemble that was off.  James Spader is one of the greatest actors known to man but the chemistry with him and Ed running the office was a bit dark and needed to be brighter and more energized.  IMHO.


That joke didnt work.


I hope this ends up on Colbert with Stephen completely devastated that Tyson likes Stewart better.


Is that where all the karma from this will be kept?


>  My friend takes the water, dumps it on his date, and says, "I just watered a beautiful flower."

I'm fucking dying, that's too damned funny. I'm sorry if it sounds rude, but I just pictured my best friend doing this and leaving right after.


This stupid fucking post is retarded. Why the fuck do you give a shit about what makes the front page? What could you POSSIBLY have invested in this website that makes it your personal dilemma how and why people are fucking dumb.

You're either naive and a loser OR you're just a cunt looking for karma by feigning indignant bewilderment.


I haven't washed my jeans in 6 months........


Hmm... I think "fun" is a subjective concept.


This would have been fucking legendary. Imagine a post credit scene where you just see a Web shoot across the screen with the sound effect then like a flash of red and blue or something. People would lose their minds. The Internet would explode


Oh mate we would be.


We have a lot of very daft children and overprotective parents.


I know you moral cowards are going to hate this but: It's actually an appeal for voluntary goodwill, instead of "philanthropy" exacted via threat of force...


You must either live with grandma or just have a lot of old stuff.


To teach OP a lesson? They probably should have been upfront about it though.


3: pelvis, elbow and rib.


And then he died and they edited all his voice recordings to make that NAMBLA chef episode.  Yeah that was low even for them


Not everything is a sex crime you fucking pervert.


well, if you set your house on fire your dog would probably be more inclined to poop outside.


buried for not funny (the pic).


My vagina rejects this story...


I mean, if they're one viewed pic away from an eating disorder, it was bound to happen eventually

Edit: or not?

Edit 2: holy shit guys, make sure to downvote everything else I say too.


So not that close to IT support then.


Are you always this obtuse?


That's really insulting, man. That day flipped my life, turned it upside-down - it's why I'm a youth pastor now.


Too bad 87% of people that watch that show are faggots... kinda ruins the experiment.


Lil' Jon is one of the last people I would want to be behind when you're trying to go through airport security.

"Sir, do you have any metallic objects?"

"YEAHHHHHHHH"


I've found that as long as we're polite and professional about it, more people are thankful that we showed them a more appropriate place for their post.

There's always going to the be that one guy who refuses to listen and resorts to petty name calling but it's all part of the job.


"Do you know who had a girlfriend?  Hitler."

That shuts them up.


Profiting off people's faith and interest in a god while being an atheist isn't hypocritical? Hell, why not just open up a church and start asking for donations?


He set up the President's Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief. "According to a 2009 study published in Annals of Internal Medicine, the program had averted about 1.1 million deaths in Africa and reduced the death rate due to AIDS in the countries involved by 10%"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/President's_Emergency_Plan_for_AIDS_Relief


Please go out and volunteer for little kids or others in need


"Today I saw ~~hundreds~~ thousands of people on Reddit claim the best course of action was a fundamentalist dictatorship"

*edit for thousands.


I know I messed up badly but it was a complete accident. I wish I could go back and undo what I did.


Apparently they only talked through the night and held hands. I think they got pretty close to each other one time, but the school dance chaperone nudged them back to a respectable distance.


Shut the fuck up, sheep.


> Senator Roger Wicker

Not Texas! Yes!


I used to post in subreddit drama, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I asked her if I had a small dick.


i cant help the way god made me. i like eating "gluttonously" and actually filling up on meals and not getting hungry half way to my next one.


>but if they put something solid like clay in the bottom of the cup it would at least have a more natural heft to it when the actors pick it up or put it down.

Exactly!! They make fake newspapers and stuff. How hard would it be to create a slightly weighted coffee cup?


Im surprised such an insightful comment didnt come from VIOLENT_SHIT_IN_MY_EYEBALL


Assuming that position in front of your boss is called "having a job"


Your baby is a year old.


I mean, you say that but I've still never heard of the guy.


Stop acting like a nigger.


I can do about 16 million of those:

\#000000, #000001, #000002...


LOL is she dead or did u get divorced? (-:

Edit: I see I'm getting downvotes already. It seems I replied to the wrong person. Honest mistake... :-)

Edit 2: Please upvote this so that dumb_default_reddits can see this! Thanks :-)

Edit 3: Thanks for the upvotes guys :-)

Edit 4: Why the downvotes? I am a **Reddit Gold User** and I am **banning** all users who comment negatively (-:


Then we will fap in the shade


when people turn the government into babysitters and our safety net society never grows the fuck up, and you get shit like this. You reap what you sow.


Why would you pull out if you had a condom on?


wtf for? She has no head, there's no blood. Only one man holding a dead kid.

Try /r/picsofdeadkids


As the guy who inserts and removes that gauze for patients in the hospital, sorry man. I enjoy it though.


Thanks for contributing, submitting this to /r/bestof.


Not if you make the picture wider but shorter! BEWARE OF MICROSOFT WORD


WHAT A BIG MAN YOU ARE


The peas stand alone, obviously.


shut the fuck up faggot


Not just any fedora, a fedora from Walmart.


Anyone have an up-to-date death toll?


Not only that, but to have that son of yours killed by a bunch of ungrateful 2nd generation European immigrants that had opportunity served to them on a silver platter.


You are actually not suppose to watch them. The host, in this case Louis CK, is the "focal point" of this segment, which is why they put the shadow on the back people and a more light on him while he tells the jokes. It's one of the tricks (of which their are many) that they use on TV to direct your attention to things they would like you to notice.


What are you doing awake mister?  Get back in your room, you've got a big day of coding tomorrow!

Please?


18 + 20 = 38

Hmmm... Well, the math checks out. This seems legit, carry on.


Next you're gonna realize what a search engine is right?


Could the stoners please stop acting like they're being demonized.


The secret to driving in New York is to make the other guy believe that you care less about your car than he does about his.


>Great use of meme arrows.

>use of meme arrows.

>meme arrows.

So much nope.


These are the lyrics from now on.


Delete post? If people don't check the comments, it could be misleading


Slight breeze? Boner.


I used to play Guild Wars and I got into arguments with retards all the time that thought it was called a novelty account, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


If this is true, I think you made a good decision.


The Democrats had a KKK grand dragon in the Senate for over 40 years.


a very cheap prostitute


Goo GAH MAMA I WANA Pway!!! I used to be sexually abused because I deserved it like you, but then I took a arrow to da knee! GAH GOO!!


Which is weird and backward...


Well, that's a fun chain of fallacies. You seem to rely on the assumption that patriarchy and its manifestations can't ever change over time. I'm not even going to argue that this *is* in fact due to patriarchy - it's just your supposed proof that this is impossible is flawed and useless and your confidence is misplaced.


Interstellar blew me away. You're going to love it.


what the fuck is wrong with you?
they are not remotely the same


Lets get this kid a doll. Please.


Actually, after considering it for a few moments I don't actually believe the pig is Muslim to begin with. Probably just another retarded Christian trying to make people hate Islam. But if he was a Muslim I first hope Allah guides him back to the path if not I hope Allah curses him until the day he dies and rots in hell.  Since you asked.


Fuck that, bump it up a notch. Make a turret on the back and have a gunner.


I've said it before and ill say it again this guy is a faggot!


"Rescued this little guy on Mars, he seemed lost"


HI WEDDIT I JUS WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY DADDDY SAYD DAT DA GAMERS ARE FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Time to invest in STDs?


I don't get the downvotes. Fucking grow a pair, people.


Your mother may have hated you


Oh sorry the world is loooong gone now :P soz


"I jizzeth right in my trousers"


**CHOO CHOO TIME TO RIDE THE KARMA TRAIN**


As in she will Nazi anyone come to her party.


If a joke has to be explained, it's not funny


I loved The Phantom Menace when I was 10. Then again, I was a little fucktard back then.


If there's an erection its not rape.


.....holy moly that's insane. Was he not getting therapy?! The school didn't know about this at all?!


Did I rustle your jimmies?


okay, you win this thread. *time to go home, everybody*


So he's planning on clearing his name how?  He was caught up to his neck in twisted, fucked up, and illegal shit. How exactly is it possible for him to "clear his name"?


Me? haha, thats funny.

By the way, you're almost out of milk, I fed your cat for you.


Haha, oh wow. Religiously oppressed, that's cute.


this sounds slightly illegal


empathy em·pa·thy[em-puh-thee] –noun

—Synonyms
1. See sympathy.


I can; my birthday is 9/11. Every year when I invite people to my party, I say "Hopefully this year, no one will crash the party."


186,000 versus 2,500.
And it's debatable that pearl harbour really was an "unprovoked attack".

MURICAH, fuk yeah!


TIL nice guys finish last.


You're bi.

A straight guy would never want to fuck an incredibly attractive man.


Is referencing really stealing?

Edit: Apparently yes.


To be fair, that is basically equivalent to jerking off before you meet a girl, except masturbating is more taboo to women so its more socially acceptable to have sex.  It does make sense if you think of it in this way.  Also at least she was safe.


I love soy sauce, but jeez... [It was one of the worst](http://i.imgur.com/oRDnjZZ.jpg)

Probably like a 2/10 dunk, I think almost any condiment will just be awful.

Thank you for your suggestion.


Clearly you know nothing about the "father's" circumstances.  What if he was a bigger drug addict than the mother and was living on the street giving blow jobs for meth?


as they say in Germany, gracias!


That's too obvious. Seeing as how it was his last completed movie. EVERYONE knows that.


That seems like it could easily backfire :c


So you think it is at the top level?


I like the mini game where you show off your hard by killing other players.

EDIT: Gg autocorrect

EDIT 2: Yes, I am well aware I didn't fix "hard." I left it so others could enjoy my failure.

EDIT 3: Annnd, now the best comment on my 5 day old alt has more comment karma then my main has altogether. Thanks Reddit.


Oh jesus, I'd love it for 360. Been looking for some good games, but sadly I don't have a credit card. Would any fellow Redditors happen to have an Amazon gift card they'd be okay with giving me?

Edit: Haters gonna hate, was worth a shot. Downvote me to Reddit Hell.


>You want to blow on the cartridge or shall I?

SHE'S IMPLYING SEXUAL ACTIONS DOCTORBEAT DON'T MESS THIS UP


im very sorry i offended you but i also trololol u xD


Yep thats what it looks like


yes, he will ignore this spam message... we all know that no one has the "right" to pervert the system simply because they choose to be LGBT


There you have it, guys. All the people making "Look who I met today!" posts? Total dicks.


I can't believe people still think it's funny.


A warm apple pie was just sexually assaulted by a teenager.


Always has, always will.


I so agree with this. Religion is supposed to be personal; it is supposed to bring you peace in hard times. Each one of us has difficult decisions to make and hurdles to cross every single day. How can one find time to get offended over something as subjective as religion?


Yes, and I received my fair share of shit for it too.

edit: you guys are relentless


1. I'm not sure. He's done this in the past in his previous fights.

2. I love riding so much that it doesn't bother me. I commute on a motorcycle on average about an hour and a half daily. I love it!


I think you've missed your opportunity to get gold


Where I live, women love that look.


>le ಠ_ಠ

FTFY xD


...I don't think I like dogs anymore...


You don't think it's a great question?, God allows the genocide of 6,000,000 jews, but she thanks him for a plane ticket? It's AMA, wake up


Everything here is making me cry lol


"i was in HIGH SCHOOL"

"against a whole COLLEGE agricultural class"

i fcking love smoking out liars on reddit


Yeah, nice job baby killer! Enjoy the souls of 100,000 innocent people you slaughtered and raped viciously


Never understood why they have so many lanes when there's usually 3 open at a time...

Edit: Thank you for answering my question, all 4000 responses I got were very helpful.


He's an idiot, he went on a tangent about some obscure court case he was personally involved in and then says that the 2 year old might need weed when he's 16. He doesn't sound very educated to me.


Yeah, it's like when you install solar panels on your house and sell the extra electricity back to the power company.


> It implies that you may not be entirely unbiased and free of ulterior motives.

Oh no, I can't pick my own user name now. D:


That's because going down the stairs head-first is a bad idea.


Yeah true, the majority of the people who play Minecraft are fairly simple minded. I never account for this.


**Explanation:** The individual on the left is Amon, a character from the show "The Legend of Korra" whom is the antagonist that attempts to rid the world of benders (not Futurama); people who have the ability to control the elements - Water, Earth, Fire and Air. Deadpool, being Deadpool - bends the poster.


hahahahaz!!!!! omg rofl lolllllllll


It's a lot more endearing when someone realizes that they are neurotic and have a good sense of humor about it.


You can't really decide whether I'm embarrassed.


Franklin was the original ODB = Ol' Dirty ~~Bastard~~ Benjamin.


What the hell? Learn to respect other people's beliefs.


Except this perfume smells like ass.


Using a condom while fucking your mother so I dont create any more unemployed smart asses like you.


Nah, the surface just lifted off whatever it was adhered to, so it had a little give to it and acted like a cushion.


So it's okay to make wild assumptions if you start your sentence with so?


i would cry except i cant stop imagining a guy walking up and saying, "i like owls?"


If I'm going to share than I want to feel appreciated


This relationship is in its sixth trimester now.


We aren't the same person.


yeah his face is just disgusting.


It was rude because she didn't ask for it. But since you were "literally so nice" and "seriously?!?! What did I do wrong?!?!" I guess that makes unwarranted CC okay now.


It was very difficult to find your comment.


No.. no, I have the correct impression.

I spent years there, unfortunately, believing I was a beleaguered, oppressed majority. But the longer I posted there, the more clear it was. They flat out just hate women, and live in a fantasy world.


I like to think I'm making pearls whenever I have sand in my vagina.


1. I'm from France, and we don't use the up-underscore in between words. my ocd is literally causing me to downvote you.


Greg here.... I can confirm this.... kinda creeped out

Edit: Proof as requested http://i.imgur.com/jfyWe.jpg

And video of said Christmas Light show https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bi0f1iVVJyw&feature=plcp


I used to post relevant XKCD comics, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Reddit: where the odds are good, but the goods are odd.


How was he gentlemanly here?


Did you know Dr.doom is actually good? He has foreseen the human race extinct in any situation that does not involve him as the ruler of the world. He just knows that nobody will go for it. Hence the bad guy stuff. If we don't give into Dr.doom, humans are done for.


>If reddit likes it, doesn't that make it not spam?

Not really. Spamming is spamming, no matter the reception


"...Look, it's already in, I say we roll with it."


This is a sad situation. I feel awful. Get it off /r/pics/, it doesn't belong here.


I can understand. a story like that, you just have to tell someone


who won how many titles?


This is much better than the masturbation stories. More primal.


Your comment infuriates me. Yes, that is indeed what he did.
Edit: sweet, I now have a most-downvoted comment to be proud of, to go with my most upvoted comment.


The black kid stole his sign!


Uh huh, I know. I still don't really care.


That's not a good reward at all


Don't get me wrong, I respect whores, but I see sex as a free commodity when you reach a certain point in your life. Having that said, let me ask you what your personal fetish is, besides being treated like shit.


Your mom used them all up.


I'm not telling you you can't try, but stop whining when you fail over and over and over and over again.


THANK YOU. she's been freaking out about what it may be. This is the best possible conclusion.


People who say they can't work their way out of poverty are lazy. You can still be lazy and not poor.


As an IT person, I have such a huge justice boner right now.


I was about to say, your has real character. I'm going to give it to your girl though but only because she is of the fairer sex. :P


I think these figures are all way overblown. I've eaten *several* cigarettes and it's never once made me want to go do it again.


Good, now its normal.


Oh whew! The bible should NEVER be given to children as reading material, which proves the christian religion is false.

Edit: lol what a load of hate for just making a simple point, I guess you can still be an Atheist and be imbecilic.


Sad to see that there is no Udyr skin. Guess they will never add a new one after SGU....


Daww! No hard feelings man :) I was just playing!


Bingo.

I was raised Southern Baptist. My father is a Southern Baptist minister. Support for Israel is all about speeding up the end of the world. Which is creepy as fuck when you word it like that.


Former Digg users, this is the type of comment that is expected around here.  Please follow this kind soul's lead.


Take this upvote as an offering to shut the fuck up.


As this is how most conservatives live their lives.  Continue on with ignorance!

edit: Keep on dancing!


On a side note: don't fuck with eerily calm people either. They are often the ones who'll flip their shit sideways when they *do* get angry.

**Edit:** The "There are three things all wise men fear.." quote have been posted plenty of times now. Thanks, but I think we're good on that one.


Dude says he has cancer and 6 months to live, and your first instinct is to put on your detective hat? Geez..


Yo. Fuck your ex.

Edit: 30+ replies in my inbox saying to be careful about the chlamydia. Does anyone on reddit have a soul?


Allistair outed a trans woman and trashed his employers publically. He didn't throw him under the bus.


Well it's too big to be a space station.


Food, books, notebooks, cement, that kind of dangerous stuff.

edit: Yeah, downvote away. I'll gladly pay that price to say that I SHIT on Israeli flag, Theodore Herzl, and the "star of David".


Let me buy a mac so I can run a virtual windows on it... lol


OK, see you then!

EDIT: We all waited patiently, and Radials has returned!


And also...

> There are few swords that

> cut so deep as the blade of

> unrequited love

...is a haiku.

**EDIT** - well this is one way to push a comment about "Yeah...you like that, you fucking retard?" out of my Top Ten, I suppose.


It really gets under my skin when people refer to the owner of a pet as their "mommy" or "daddy".

It kind of devalues how important an **actual human child** is.

Edit: So many orangereds... I love you all!


Better call Judge Judy


I am an adventurer like you. I once got a shit load of arrows to the everywhere but I don't give a fuck.


To be fair, sex and porn are pretty great.


pointing out people being assholes = thought police


"Baby let's do it."

"Hold on, let me get my shoes."

I'm glad high school is over.


 ☐ Not REKT

 ☑ REKT


We both love hip hop and suits. And are small bearded Indian men.


I clicked on that link *and it failed*. Some help.


That's the sweet and natural smile of an innocent child witnessing the executions he ordered.


Respect is earned, not given out by default. Respect is a worthless commodity if you haven't done anything to deserve it.


I wrote a cover letter just yesterday and didn't even mention oral sex skills  *once*.  I'm so screwed. There's no way I'm getting that job.


I downvoted you, but to be fair, I actually laughed out loud before I did. That was kinda funny.


"There's no underage to drinking if you have swag"

-Some kid who OD'd at my school.


I mean its not surprising that gay men aren't immune from the paedophilia inherent in patriarchy, but its fucking weird to be hit in the face with it like that.


"come here, i'll show you..."


You cocksucking, dograping, assfingering, dicklicking faggot.


HITLER IS STILL AMONG US


I think everyone forgot to mention he is fatter than a fucking whale. &#3232;\_&#3232;


...but he shit us not


Goo GAH MAMA DADY NO touch VAginea!!!!!!!!!!!!! But then I took an arrow to da knee!


I actually was taught this in APUSH.


Never underestimate the stupidity of some people.


it was not like it was anything heavy, and im an honest person to begin with.


Dude, stop being racist, it's called Native American. /s


just ask the guy out on a date, how is that relevant?


So does anyone have a pic of this broads pussy?


Downvote me and I will eat your first born


You are supposed to do that, but flip the desktop image 180 degrees, then make it the wallpaper, then rotate the display 180 degrees. Everything will look normal except the mouse cursor will be upside down and it will move inverted.


Thanks For being another whiney "race victim."


Take a pregnancy test.


How the hell is that close? All of them have white hats...


Don't worry, I did it for you.


Sure, whatever makes you seem like you're smarter than other people on the internet. Sleep tight!


People are grown up Sperm.

Where are your gods now?


25 years old and just learned this a few months ago. Someone pointed it out to me and for a minute it felt like the world was made just for me...well for us, really.


Two... Big... Firm... Round reasons.

*Okay jeez, they aren't firm!*


Will you give me a million dollars?


Or just use mannequins and a cardboard cutout of Michael Jordan.


Yes but you not only did something mean-spirited but you put it on here so everyone could laugh at your wife's embarrassment.  I can't imagine why she left you.


If you're a freshman it will hurt like hell for a few weeks, then you'll realize you were really fucking dumb and take advantage of all the wonderful women around you.  True story.


Downvote if you're gay.

EDIT: 94 gay people and counting.

EDIT 2: Sneaking up on 100 gay people, that's a lot of gay people!

EDIT 3: We made it! 100 gays!


Thanks to your typo I read that in a pirate voice.


She's not fat, please ban me so I won't be tempted to come to this shit sub again.


Twilight Zone effect: Everyone in the world feel more attracted to micro dicks.


You want to learn more about horns? I think you might be in the wrong sub...


nsfw = nope, safe for work


I noticed that but then realized I don't give a shit.


And the answer is always literally *anything.*


HEY CAN I GET IN ON THIS KARMA TRAIN


Internet is a creepy place isn't it?


**Reddit:** Abortion at 20 weeks? OK, because it's not a human being ... just a clump of unorganized cells.

**Reddit after seeing actual footprints of that child at 20 weeks:** *Cries.*


This cuts the survival.


western comic can be more fucked than japan, the problem is they draw it without any feeling or artistic merit, it was really ugly shit. keyword : pregnant, yaoi, furry


Japan is an animation nation.


but i accidentally the whole an hero


Who the fuck does whippits and drives? That's like the first drug that comes to mind as a "DO NOT FUCKING DRIVE WHILE DOING THIS"

them and salvia

Edit: The amount of people replying with stories about personally knowing people who do this... Well, I quit for today.


or maybe you just don't smell it, pretending that a problem isn't a problem because it doesn't bug you means you were being the dick.


Britain... Direct sunlight?


DOWNVOTE ME IF U LIKE THE COCK.


YOU LOSE WEIGHT WHEN YOU'RE HOMELESS BROTHERRRRRR


no.  i don't need yet another type of second hand carcinogen and psychoactive cloud to be exposed to against my will while trying to go about my day.


They don't. They just tell each other that all the time.


I bet you got really turned on by the trailer featuring the little girl getting chased by the zombies. Fucking pedophile. I hope you get arrested jerking off to the game and spent a looong time in prison.


*"during intercourse, embrace him and softly whisper 'Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?'"*


(Challenge accepted!)

this!


Jesus, for a clean joke, that's so dark.


YOU BEAT ME BY LITERALLY 2 SECONDS!!


Here's my proof he did indeed win.

http://i.imgur.com/RQ14CFp.jpg


This world would be so much better with out ignorant assholes like you


Spain here, no we don't. What the fuck are we, Italian?


I say the second discredits the first.(jokingly, that's actually impressive)  I'm admittedly heavily anti-wrestling for anyone over the age of 6 though.

Edit: TIL: Don't fuck with wrestling fans?  Sorry guys.  I lost my childhood wonder and innocence I guess.


I did drag for Halloween a few years ago.  This past summer, I told my wife that I wanted to do it again, but that I wanted to slim down a bit beforehand.  When asked why, I responded with "So I'll feel pretty."


Enjoy your fucking upvotes.


Okay! That's good question!

Well first of all - if you look at background, you work hard, you make money. It's no secret, okay? You work VERY hard, you make money.

Well I work very hard, 24/7, several days a week, okay?

And the specific how I make monies will be in book. THE DISASTER ARTIST by Tommy Wiseau, when I write it soon. Yes.


I'm not measuring the degree of "awfulness" of slurs, that's the whole fucking point. Women tell me "slut" is a terrible slur, I believe them and accept it and stop using it. I tell women that "faggot" is a terrible slur, they believe me and accept it and stop using it. Where is the disconnect?


under the butt??

do your balls hang low? do they wobble to and fro


Theft on reddit? perish the thought.


This is the worst! Many students have tragic events in their life that would completely change admission's views about them, but a good chunk of these stories are much too personal and intimate. Admissions doesn't need to know about how awful your hell is if it's something you can't even tell your best friend.


Yeah, I know. All the way to page one on my first thread. Not bad for a newbie.


They say there is safety in numbers. Ya, tell that to 6 million Jews. -Jimmy Carr


Honestly, I don't really see much of a case, but I'm not really the guy you should be asking. She might have gotten in a lot more trouble if you had asked to go to a different church and she refused. But most of the Freedom of Religion stuff is specifically about the government.

Then again, I'm not really a lawyer. My degree is in Economics.


no one corrects Ron Swanson's grammar except Ron Swanson.


It's 3D art my friend. The surface is completely smooth. I don't think a frag would work... **Downvoted** (-:

Edit: Why the downvotes? I thought Reddit was pro-logic (-: As a Reddit Gold User I am disappointed with you non-gold users downvoting me without any justification :-)


I want a four day work week.


Yeah it sounds like he raped his girlfriend, essentially.


Asking the important questions.


That was a funny and original joke, it made me chucke a bit. OP i find myself quite jealous of your 'gym-dog', as i find it precious. I hope you all have a great day.
EDIT: I'm sorry my comment did not add anything to the discussion. But i thought as he made an effort to make everyones day better, i should acknowledge that.


"I guess some people think they are more important" then laugh and look around like you are wondering who said this delicious quip.


You can set a delay on emails actually sending.  I have little pity.


Most girls I know do. Thats something you don't want to go without and most girls monthly time isn't 100% predictable


I would suggest OP trying to shove it up their arse, but it looks like that's REALLY gonna hurt, and a lot of parts to put up there too.


Well.. ever seen a rabbit with glasses?


Reddit Gold does nothing.


Apparently Alan Tudyk can't be on the set with him anymore because he hates him so much.


I downvoted because I felt at this point that would actually be the proper thing to do.


well warts can be transmitted by touching, so maybe she didn't want to get warts on her... especially on the special areas you wanted to touch. so hopefully that is a reasonable explanation and you can work it out


Yet the fact that Notch copied others is just fine?

*With all the downvotes has /r/games turned into /r/gaming?*


As you open your mouth to speak, the words that come tumbling out your mouth are unintelligible. You realize you're trying to speak all the languages at the same time.


It was a brilliant joke. Is that why I'm getting down voted? You're all jealous of how good my joke was? Is it jealousy?

edit: [MRW I realize I'm the only one in the world funny, smart and sexy enough to understand my own jokes.](http://i.imgur.com/un4DrvS.gif)


childhood is a lot like being drunk.

You don't remember most of it, and other people remind you of the shit you did


I used to work with this guy that survived the Rwandan genocide.  Perhaps OP could show us his machete scars?  I would think that he could do that at least, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


YOU RUINED IT FOR THEEEMMM!


They deserve a medal for being wealthy?


You know what makes jokes funnier? Explaining them.


http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs6/i/2005/110/4/b/Ministry_of_Silly_Walks_by_chaplin007.jpg

need i say more...


I am impressed usually everyone forgets to add the plus eighteen.


okay cool, u can delete ur post now


you are sick.... rats? cute?


You really think someone would do that,  go on Xbox live and lie?


Theres no info on taking a dump in the FAQ


Ill be an old man and they'll give me a set of keys which I will assume will be to a car.. but will be to my assisted living center :(


He nearly scored on his debut Liverpool.. Same as Balo, 2 mins on the clock too. Come to think of it, Balo should have scored a hat trick.

Oh, back to El Torres, Agger was being a naughty boy and he hurted Torres. Was it because Torres had brown hair at the time or the Chelsea trikot? It was the hair wasn't it..


Makes more sense, really.


Its a focus with 200k miles


We call it a6t1h1e1i1s1m10 for short.


No one cares Apostolate.

Sorry mate, couldn't resist:D


OH! You can just unscrew it!!! (I'm slow...)


Considering the fact that this bug has been on dev.dota2.com forever, and it has been posted on reddit about 8 million times, it's pretty hard to miss it.


###\ (•◡•) / *A clean butthole is a good butthole* \ (•◡•) /


Your right. [Here's a picture for reference](http://i.imgur.com/tvuUuVn.jpg)


Now, I'm a manly sort of man, so I prefer to call them Strong Island iced teas. Woohoo.


They also starved millions with Holodomor, and sent some 60 million to the Gulags (real death camps).

The holocaust is a huge lie, there were no gas chambers for Christs sake! The germans were tortured into admitting bizarre lies.


LMAO so true. anyway don understan why people hate 9gag so much if u spend some time their you will see that its actually funny but noooo redditors are way too good for that :S

**edit downvotin = hating jus sayin #YOLO no point wastin it on internet haters**


y u think u no more n her.


>You might as well not sign in to this account again.

Why is that? The reddit hippy mafia is going to jump out from behind /worldnews/ when I walk by and cut my throat? Lol.


My friend was driving a large piece of farm equipment and a guy on a motorcycle came speeding over the hill and hit him from behind. The guy died. My friend had done absolutely nothing wrong but it still haunts him.


You might be a slow learner, but I'm glad you're at least starting to catch on.


That kind of food aggression should not be tolerated.  I hope they sent you back to your crate until you learned better.


Nah, he dodged..

..a plane.

I'll show myself out.


As a man, I love the shit out of gossip. I want to know all of the shit.


Really, a fat joke?

Stay classy reddit.


That was the 9/11 of music.


It's Vampire Hunter D


**F I R E  I N S P E C T I O N**


Upvote him quick! Keep the ship afloat!


Random splashes next to bridges.

Constant "thuds" as you walk by tall buildings.

Nooses swaying gently and then going taut with no warning.

Guns firing wildly with bullets stopping suddenly inches away.

Seriously, how could we not know?


You're not funny at all.


"Your mother loved you, Legolas."


My bad. But I'll go back and change it. Wait I can't..


"QUICK!  What color is Michael Jackson!?!"

"Black?"

"Oh my GOD!  WE'RE IN THE 80'S"!


Good thing OP isn't a faggot...hey wait...


I'll probably find it and spend it on drugs.


>looks at your posting history and sees you dont post to any lgbt related subs

hahahaha


Some days, I feel really uniquely aware that I have a very finite amount of time left, and that I'm wasting it watching a fedora pop out of a little dick. I'm going to go cry now.


I can guarantee you it's not fake.

Check [here](http://i.imgur.com/aSpA8.png), and [here](http://i.imgur.com/YPqaH.png).


Or when someone does explain themselves, but they leave out crucial facts that would have resolved everything


Oh, really? So your puppy doesn't run away like 100% of dogs known to mankind, thus the invention of a fucking leash?


If you had siblings like Willow and Jaden, could you blame Trey Smith for wanting to lay low?


Not bad, but I call bullshit. I am no expert, but I've seen enough to assume that you are no virgin. Girl you have wings bigger than my wife's, and she's had 3 kids. I could be wrong.

Oh…and watch out for razor burn. It is a very nice pussy.


My favorite sandwich... maybe like a fried egg sandwich.


What I'm saying is, any person who learned their letters and how to spell should be able to spell any non-obscure word backwards with little to no hesitation.


Nothing worse than renting a tape from Blockbuster, only to find the last jerkwad didn't rewind it.


Dude, stop with this newspeak "Daesh" bullshit. Seriously, they call themselves ISIS, calling them anything else just makes you look retarded.


I did this to a friend in college. He was taking a theology class so I made it autocorrect 'God' to 'Dog'.


I never said that. geez I didn't know people here would be such jerks


we weren't talking about how your mom wants it.


Such are the conspiracy theories of the hateful Left.


Hold a surprise party and freak him out when he breaks in.


I don't want to be a dick, honestly, but you actually typed "like" into your response.  *shudder*

edit:  Hop on the downvote bandwagon.

edit2: [like](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCNIBV87wV4)

edit3:  geraffes are dumb.


Nice try, Samuel L. Jackson


Grow up.

EDIT:  obligatory most downvoted comment ever.  Thank you Reddit!


absolutely! if i get gangraped by a gaggle of silverback apes it's totally cool so long as they all wear rubbers!


He donated a mere penny more so he could be at the top of the donation list. Ultra cheap publicity for him.

Sorry you drink the Notch Kool-Aid and can't see he's playing you for a fool. Hell, if he really was doing it to help out and not for praise, he would be listed as 'Anonymous' on that list like the other guy further down.


Buys new car, rolls off the lot, bonnet crumples and windscreen smashes.

Takes it back "this is faulty, I want a refund".