"Hey honey... sorry I had another dick in me all weekend, but I'll totally let you fuck me tonight."

Sex is currency for this woman.


That would be a weird question to ask to a dermatologist, but you should ask nevertheless.


I have been known to make it rain in vegas once or twice.


is that a joke? because that ballon d'or has nothing to do with 2015


Until then, I'll be confined to giving upvotes hoping for another piece of your genius..


This isn't a 4chan post, it's what I said to my girlfriend. I wouldn't put anything from that piece of shit website onto here.


Where are you from? I'll make out with you.


**MAYBE IF HE WASN'T A FAT FUCK HE WOULDN'T BE SO FUCKING TIRED**


That's a bit like asking 'how do fish get into the Atlantic?' isn't it? Either they're born there or they migrate to it, depending on the species of frog and the time of year. I won't bore you with the details.


What I found amazing is that Mark Hamill could act.


Nope. Second worst.

I'm an emt, ran on a call where a guy was about to take a bath he turned the hot water on and before turning on the cold went into status epilepticus  the water burned over 80% of his body including the "all important 1%"

Dude had to be lifeflighted to a burn unit in galveston, he lived but his life will never be the same.


I might shoot the barista if he gave me french roast coffee. It's not French, it's American faux-French and it's so burnt that there's no taste. Yucks


To look like some kind of creepy, Nosferatu-like monster?  (as a guy, I've always kinda wanted to get them, then walk around with dinosaur hands all day).

Either that, or just to show off how useless and pampered you are.


Horde Dominated server, not based server lol


You should put all your weight on just one finger to reduce the number of fingers affected by arthritis.


Honestly? I didn't even ban them.

I removed the comments. The admins won't get around to site bans and the majority of the comments have removed the info.

If someone spams it, they will be gone.


I was moved around every couple of months. One time they took me outside, knelt me down, put a gun to my head and pulls the trigger. At the same time they fired another gun off behind my back. I thought I was dead.


"n00blord" isn't even a word, neither is "nooblord" but atleast use "nooblord" as putting zeros in words makes no sense.


/r/atheism is populated by people who have recently abandoned Christianity or their Christian upbringing. Often, new adopters of a certain ideology/belief system are the most vocal and annoying.


Do you mean Others, or are you show-only?

Edit: I have never felt the reddit hammer this hard. Lesson learned, and I apologize for being an ass.


I know! I dread the day I ask him for his blessing in marrying his daughter. She wont get married without it and I think he knows that. He would give me the blessing, but not before fucking with me.

edit: No, her father does not want to fuck me. At least I hope not. Dad dicks are huge.


Upvoting for upvotes.


^^^^^^why ^^^^^^did ^^^^^^i ^^^^^^think ^^^^^^of ^^^^^^slaves


Also Bill Gates' sun-in-law gets all the shit he wants because yeah.


*petting intensifies*


hard work my ass, skinny people dont know what its like to not be able to exercise easily, let alone have actual hunger.


Me too.  I can't believe her oldest client was a baby.


So no midgets, but just children? Oh, goody, no politically incorrect content then.


This ain't yo grandma's Disney.


MY MOMMY SAYD DAT I HAS TO SHARE DA TOYS WIT MY BRODER JONATON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON WANA WEDDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That's not so much a joke as it's a Kafka novel.


Yes, mod that down gaming noobs.


Or the door to door soliciting.


Seriously? You think this happens only in Britain and Australia? Fuck,  I've seen a lot of you guys call US people ignorant.


Who listens to a 5 year old regarding investments in the first place?

Edit: Yeah, I get it you turds. If the kid was using logic and blah blah blah he'd be convincing blah blah blah profit!


I use it. It's awesome.


I didn't even notice until I read your comment. The whole time I was thinking that this gif would've been more impressive if he'd actually hit the target.


So small that they have the double the number of trophies Arsenal and Liverpool have combined in the last 10 seasons. Boo hoo


> Mandy Patinkin left the cast of Criminal Minds because the content in the show was getting too dark and morbid for him

That lighthearted romp *Homeland*, on the other hand...


Yeah nothing wrong with being a complete hypocrite.


2. clarinet and drums


That's an euphemism.

EDIT : looks like the illiterates in here have no idea what this word means.


they are normal people so they are freaked out because it's way too fast and way too far. even i myself get freaked out a little bit about it. we were not ready for this


There was some room, but not enough for somebody to be trying to merge inbetween us without even using his turn signal.


One would say that, due to his hippocratic oath, he should protect everyone's children by proxy.

This guy is a fucking idiot.


Flipping burgers is a poverty job.  The only people who should be working at The Golden Arches are students and managers.  If you are an adult and flipping burgers is your "career" than you have likely made some pretty poor choices for which poverty is the natural result.


This. I was in agony a few days after, crying while peeing, and my mom waited for me outside the bathroom door. She was like "honey, did you have sex?" and I was like, "how did you know?" Then we went to the gyno for BC and antibiotics, and then out to a movie. My UTI ratted me out to my mom, but she saved the day.


Its surprises me how many people are already living a virtual existence.  Sad really.


We're waiting for you over at r/dadjokes


<*Insert comment riding coattails of obvious top comment*>


In the off chance u/elonmuskofficial reads this, Elon, we think you're awesome, too. <3 All of us at Squad.


8 whole goals, what a star!


Or spend your evenings having wacky adventures when the museum exhibits mysteriously come to life!


I respectfully disagree. At least PETA follows animal welfare guidelines when euthanizing certain animals. To hell with your whiney personal stories about your horse or your cat. On the whole they do fantastic work and volunteer their time to protect animals.

Can we please stop the anti-PETA circlejerk? Imagine a world **WITHOUT** PETA (a non-profit organisation) ಠ_ಠ


Its not too comfortable for me either and I'm american.


GAGA MAMY why DADA PUT his SnakE ON My VAGINIA!!!! GOO GAH goo I wana pwuay owieee!!!!!!!


She definitely isn't a gold digger.


TITS!

Sorry. I just had to, even at risk of downvotes.


Women do this in many places. I was at a club recently and multiple women were waiting to use the men's bathroom.

Men are threatened with being arrested if they attempt to use the Women's bathroom.


Are you insane?

What the fuck does the Soviet Union have to do with anything? When are you idiots on the right wing going to shut the fuck up? How many times does laissez faire economics have to fail before you SHUT THE FUCK UP?!

You "free market" morons are the fucking problem.


The National drinking age is 18. The federal government will only supply funding for road repair and expansion if the state's drinking age is 21.

Edited the thing that guy said.

Edit 2: federal drinking age is 18. The fed doesn't regulate that nationally. Overseas US soil is at least 18.


Honestly, the really sad thing was the fact that so many women were responding.

I swear to god, all the girls in that thread either have massive daddy issues, shitty self esteem, or a desperate need for attention.


Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.


lol no. People will remember Kanye for pretty much the same reasons they remember Hitler.


Liberia: 1

US: 0


i can't wait until you get the same


Reminds me of a twighlight zone episode where a guy who loves reading is the last person left on earth and he finds a library. He goes in and sees the tens of thousands of books and is at peace. He opens the first one and his glasses fall off and smash.


So the items should probably be around the 7.49-7.99 price point, but because Valve gives 25% to the creator, it gets bumped to 9.99. It's kinda like CafePress. Not a bad system but because there is a middle man, the bottom line gets inflated.


Or a guy that needed a lot of painting and electrical work done.


DIS ONE TYME I BET MY BRODER JONATON DAT HE CUDN'T EAT HIS POO POO!!!!!!! AFTER HE ATE DA POO POO HE DEAD!!!!!!! NOW I GET ALL DA TOYS SO I HAPPYY GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


No, this happened exactly how it should, the strong survive.


Except that when women were burned at the stake and drowned for literally nothing,this is pretty damn understandable.

Granted it's been some time since that's happened, but I understand the sentiment. You have a right to be angry at those who punished you.


The moderator is the type of person who is always the antagonist in post apocalyptic movies.


It's illegal for a reason. You shouldn't do drugs unless they've been recommended by your doctor. I'm epileptic and I'm sick of people telling me to try Marijuana, the drugs I'm on work well enough.


I guess this is the girl version of scratching your balls and smelling your hand.


Fucking first world problem right there.


You caught me! Middlebury College is secretly using upvotes instead of food as a reward in its animal research.


Who cares, dude?

They're dirty fucking Arabs. Kill them all, those worthless pieces of rat shit.


Finding ways to type words like "boobs" was enough fun for me when using calculators.


I searched Greese and it automatically assumes I was searching for the movie Grease. I had the country in mind. I had to click on a different link just to confirm I really wanted greese.


I don't have the link, but there was one thread where a dude didn't realize you put the shower curtain inside the tub while you're showering. He had been getting water all over the floor every time his whole life.


I used to be the most important thing in a relationship, but then I took an arrow too the knee


...did you just laugh at your own joke?


halfway?  try about 5%


Obligatory: allowing someone to enter on a round-about. It isn't safe, RA's only work if everyone acts in self interest.


MY MOMMYY SAYD DAT YOU MAY HAVE BEN WAPED BY DA OLD PEEPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CALL DA POWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Should have hit them with the bottle.


Oh no! Muh karma. Just a bunch of hypocrites on this subreddit because the girl is hot. Classic.


You can use it to cut up lines


lol @ your misfortune works quite well actually


Two cocks and a bitch with a hairy pussy?

Don't click it.


LmAo PleAsE sToP iiiiiiii'M DyiiiiiiiiiiNg oF LaUghTeR !!!! **nOt**

*AhhahAHahahHAhahAHA LmAo00ooooOoOOO 0Wn3D !!*


It's okay, Tony, I play with yourself too.


Not to mention that it's easily possible that he's too slow mentally to have even reacted.


To save this boy's sex life, I will upvote you.


fucking came here to say this.


I'm not sure you'd call them *bands*. They're more like *Scandinavian spiritual folk collectives*.


Holy shit.

This has been re-posted so many fucking times.

EDIT :  GOLD, GOLD I TELLS YE !!!!

To all those who downvoted me, you may feel a slight wet, tingling sensation going up your face.

That's me licking that sweet, sweet negative downvote tear off you.

Nom

Nom

Nom


It's like a fucking jerk reaction, **instant hatred for everything, everywhere**


Yep. I definitely reacted poorly to VA. I did personally apologize to him and he mentioned it wasn't a big deal because he's particularly good at getting a rise out of people.


That's like 3 million dollars.


You're a faggot nigger, turn or burn.


Or even when the gas station across the street has a huge line of cars because they're one cent cheaper. If I offered to pay you a dime to waste ten minutes of your time I'd be laughed at.


Wait...people know this song? I thought that my 2nd grade music school teacher had written it.


In the year 20xx, the only viable name is Fox.


Sorry brah. It happened. and you know it happened because I actually didnt take pics...


I like to kill puppies.


How's he heartless? He worked to make money. I don't see how's this heartless.


*picks up phone*

"You've got The Power!"


I've been proven wrong...she apparently doesn't know her ex sent her a pic of something her daughter didn't write. Thanks!


That seems like a really smart move...


So would you prefer that women are allowed to enter and compete against men in power lifting competitions where they would undoubtedly lose every time?  Being judged differently is not the criteria for sexism, it's prejudicial treatment.  Just thought I'd clear that up for you.


What an insidious government plot that could be. Truly could be a cover up on a huge scale. Aliens at Roswell, the grassy knoll shooter, and now nobody sneezes anymore.


First, and last, upvote gif i upvoted


Doing this.

Edit: I am now single.


spoken like a redditor


And going to bed is the most pleasant. I'll do that a few more times!


I for one support /u/AlyoshaV as the new SRD mod.


>a bit

That's an understatement.

I've never read a single account of a story that portrays Michael Jordan as a decent person or even a person who just *isn't* a dick.

Jordan is notorious for being a huge douchebag.


Why do you automatically assume it's a male? Fucking ciscum, this is the 22nd century not the 1700s.


My favorite jazz genre: Domestic Dispute Jazz

Edit: Obligatory thanks for the gold stranger!

Edit Follow up joke: Since my comment about jazz has been gilded, it means the yearly national spending on jazz has doubled.


Ah, so you actually have no point. Sorry for engaging.


Aaand I realize what I just said :/


Ikr? People love my links by for some reason my comments always get downvoted. It's like people don't even appreciate the effort it takes to make front page posts 😔


Sorry to hear about your mom.


Please refrain from harassing people here.  Calling homosexuality a choice is homophobia.  LGBT 101.  Learn a thing before you start spewing bullshit all over my sub.


Way to go, /r/spacex. Thanks Elon.


I didn't say I'd *answer* anything ;-)


Plot twist: DPRK *on Mars*


Reddit only cares when it is Israel that's doing the killing (even in self-defense).


Well, yes, obviously. That's how biology works. You shouldn't need a herpetologist to tell you that if you observe a population of frogs in any given region, it stands to reason that either they are from that region or they migrated to it at some point.


Big talk from captain "trade everyone and go all in on Sam Bradford." :P


Yeah, fuck you OP. If I can't be happy, why do you get to be?


Yeah, woopiee. Let's all quote a poorly written show aimed toward pubescent teenagers. I hope you all get downvoted to oblivion.


Because they told us not to do anything so they wouldn't have to deal with it.


You're welcome to fix it yourself if you want.


Awww, you guys are so cute, spending $3 for each other :')


/r/nazihunting mod here. This is a legitimate request fulfilling redditrequest requirements, as mensrightslaw is currently considered "abandoned".

The person who requested it gets it. Feel free to go make your own subreddit.


That's an odd name for an author.


Ahem
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/8-bit_color


He'd have like three more bananas and then he'd pull out an orange


Except when they don't have the ability to comprehend what I'm trying to explain, because they as adults still haven't figured out rudimentary background that I have as someone who is vastly superior to them intellectually.


We like the plop. It is satisfying.


America = Brazil , Chile , Canada , etc. USA = Shit


> I blacked out.

apparently so did the kid.


I should rephrase, I tried at first, then I realized how bad I am at most things, and was hoping my sister would help me. She's also bad at things.


I love so much when people post the Marley quote on facebook that's something like "the worst thing a man can do is take a woman's love with no intention of returning it."  Motherfucker you had like ten different baby mamas.


Sometimes, I wish I was a virgin, and that I waited until I was married to do it.


First, I am also not a goat.

Second, I've had those, and you do what you gotta do. You stay professional, try to bring out answers. It's not brain surgery. The world will not change because you have a bad interview and you just move on.


Can't play free champs in solo que. And if that was in 5s.... your worse than teemo.


"Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." -Barry Switzer


Board game..dnd..it's the same to me.


For some reason I could see this being a plot for George Costanza in an episode of Seinfeld


HA. JOKES ON YOU DOUCHEBAG. *upvotes*


This is awesome, I'm gonna start doing this to my wife until she goes mad. She notices crooked shit the second she walks into a room.


please educate yourself on the art world


Who the fuck is this bitch?


I FUCKING HATE ANYTHING POKEMON, THE USUAL SUSPECTS IS OVERRATED, ARCADE FIRE IS NOT THAT GOOD, R/GAMING IS FULL OF INSUFFERABLE CIRCLE JERKERS TELLING INSIDE JOKES AND DISHING OUT DOWNVOTES TO ANYONE TRYING TO EXPLAIN THEM.


*" A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti."*


Has anyone ever noticed that the word *Boobs* looks like the engine of a choo-choo train?

Edit: Especially when I italicize it.


I feel like I'd be too scared of getting a boner to even be able to get a boner. And then I'd get a fear boner.


They grid it out. It's easy. But you might find it hard considering you're stupid enough to think they just freehand it.


YES, ATTENTION EVERYONE!!!! IF YOU COME SEE ME AT WORK OR BOOK AN APPOINTMENT AND YOU MENTION REDDIT, YOU GET A DISCOUNT AND EXTRA TIME!


I have a mortgage. I have two kids. I have a family to feed. I have to save for retirement and save for my kids' college funds. I have parents with failing health. $100K doesn't go very far.


He also wrote 'I love you' in the snow with the blowtorch for my sister earlier in the week.

Incidentally, I don't know how he managed to get a blowtorch past my sister.


Wow great argument fagtron you sure convinced me with those hot opinions.


Did once to a virgin cuz i thought she was kidding and it was tears of joy. Boy was i wrong.


Entitled piece of shit.


Eragon was terrible even if you hadn't read the book.


Got it. Let's rate people by how much we want to rape them. That'll quell the haters.

This is hypocrisy and anyone that won't admit that is part of the problem


"I'm sorry, I didn't see 'being a fucking pussy' listed as one of your skills on your resumé."

  -Not Walmart Manager


HAHA SUCH AN ORIGINAL JOKE

Stop beating the horse, its dead already. I get it, you're unable to accept gender identities, or understand how trans people are oppressed. That doesn't mean you should make fun of their plight.


He did though and the episode ended with him holding a sign that said "well you wanted me to catch him, now what?"


as fuck, i lol'd hard with that one


Ha. Let's stick with genetically modifying pigs with wings first.


Yes, I could not find the original when I looked. I am a bad, bad man.


That's...not the same..

edit: Thanks for the gold /u/obscure_renegade!


Did you want to suck his cock?  How about just the tip?  What if he asked nicely, would you have?


Like that bugs bunny episode?    LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


I used to think that small mustaches are not all hitler and people shouldn't be so sensitive about that though I know Hitler was bad, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


The play follows a blue-eyed, bisexual, paraplegic, Nigerian girl named Pepper through her struggle with conforming to unconformity.


poops

FTFY dad raped you shit came out your ass


In the final year I had a tv and playstation so that helped. Once I was out of the blindfold I used to join dots on the wall pretending they were metro stations and I designed a new computer. I would also try to solve mathematical problems with shapes on the curtain and conduct job interviews with my pillow


Said by a person who does not have kids.


Assuming you're 80 kg and she's 60 kg and you're standing 1 m apart, she'll be attracted to you with an extra 4x10^-9 Newtons of force.  That makes you about 1.2% more attractive to her.


where did you get that picture of me


Assert your dominance, piss on him. EDIT: Thank you for the gold!


>your

&#3232;\_&#3232;

EDIT:  Not sure why I'm being downvoted.  When I posted my comment, it said "you're."  Note that he has since edited his post before calling me an idiot.


They were both pretty drunk so I said I couldn't serve them. I felt so terrible for that girl, and for the unborn child inside of her.


Retard calls for petition, doesn't even know the difference between lose and loose.

minor9sharp11 - here is a little lesson

Loose = the reason your vaginal farts are silent.

Lose = the time the condom came off your dads dick when you were 8 years old and became lost in your colon


Wow, /u/wheatgerm42 may have just singlehandedly changed the packaging for one of the most iconic ice cream flavors ever. Or not, I have no idea what that response means.


ERMAHGERD, THER SERPERERNSER


Not to mention proper infantry, research labs, and Cristo Redentor.


proof or I say moderator trolling


Hey yo Uranium your looking like my cranium. I'm spitting out these rhymes and they hitting you like titanium. Come along with me and face me in my stadium.

* *drops mic*

* *Edit: picks up mic due to popular demand*


Sorry to jack this.

I gotta say guys, for the amount of absolute hatred towards this show, you sure seem to know alot about the storylines and characters.

If you hate it so much, don't watch it. The only reason why television shows are on or off air is because of ratings and viewership.


dude....... i can relate so much to this. I think parents do this because theyre awkward and dont know how to have a regular conversation about relationships with their kid so they sacrifice their kids humility for theirs. Its subconsciously selfish


Shut the fuck up, you deserved it.


Accidental deer death, it would have been criminal to let the meat go to waste.


*ewww...* but she's foreign.


These are not the nudes you're looking for.


Well done Sherlock! Shall I polish your monocle?


Whodahell was looking up to Rick James as someone to praise? Damn.


This.  Please take this upvote for having the best comment thus far.


Also it came pre-tenderized.

Thanks for your generosity, gold giver!


That isn't what firewall means.


As a rule, I never insult people after giving them my home address.


My care levels are beyond low.


He never said she wasn't.


Serious question: why? Why does it bother you? How does it affect you? How does it inconvenience you in any way?

-20 points so far. Way to go, reddit. Keep on downvoting legitimate questions.


I like dinosaurs,

yes I do.

I like dinosaurs,

how about u


Okay, I admit it, I lol'd. Well played, fag.


Important wisdom for today:

I think it's far too easy to further dehumanize an already marginalized population.

Thanks brah


I've got the beast in my sights!


Bro, I don't want to alarm you but I think you need a giant eraser or piece of paper in case this gets out of hand.


Y'know what's not unlikely? That those jewy Jews managed to keep their all watches. It's all well and good to stand here at arms length and say what an atrocity the Holocaust was but if you actually knew any Jews you would understand why the Nazis did what they did.


Leeroyyyyyyyyyy Jenkinsssssss!


Yet the fire was so hot it supposodly caused titanium jet engines to vaporize into nothing. If this were true, how could that woman ever be standing there, looking fairly unburnt. Hot fire doesn't have black smoke, starved fires do.

Just sayin...


No one will ever know


I use to own stupid sweater vests, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


He was coming as he was going.


Do you mean OP? Because I am thinking about OP


"Dispatch come in, this is officer 420, I've stopped an overcrowded vehicle on the highway, driver is a white male, passengers appear to be both white and black at the same time, please advise- I don't know whether to let them go or shoot them"


>doing your job and following a judges orders

I bet the people in the Nuremberg trials were doing the exact same thing.

While I agree that white knighting is stupid, I think your reasoning to not follow the bailiff is a bit misplaced.


**SCHLOOORRP SCHLOP SCHLOOORRP SCKLAAAP SCHLOOOOP**

>Edit - Whoever just gave me gold, thank you.


Thanks.  I'll look into it.


I don't like when people comment on my lunch EVER.

"Just a Cliff Bar?!?! Watching your weight?"

"Ooohhh! Chicken Wings?! Looks like you aren't counting calories anymore!!"

I eat what I want. Please leave me alone.


Heh. As noted, my wife and I are fairly bohemian artists, and hang out with a lot of the same. Most of our friends are our age, in their mid-late 30s. Feed them enough tequila, and... man, some of the stories I can tell.


The fuck kind of wedding is this?


Doesn't look like a baby. Get over it you whore.


In fairness, the front-page content in that sub reads like Jayden Smith's twitter stream. This is their top post right now: http://i.imgur.com/dqkgUe8.jpg


I thought you were going to bed :3


she's not coming. Let it go


came here to make a hisper reference.


It's not true. You won't be able to afford the hospital bill either. You'll just die sooner.


I guess you really hadn't figured out that my bullshit tolerance level is pretty low tonight.


> to interest (brother)

This cracked me up.


i'd be bitter if i was daniel cormier too

cause i lost

sad day for him. jon is the goat cormier is trash


*deletes browser*

*changes desktop background to a grassy field*

*creates new user account*

*smashes computer to bits*

"Sorry, it's broken."

Edit: Jeezey Pazeezy, thanks for the gold!


fuck the haters, I have 32,000 comment karma. Bring it on bitches!


An entire class coming with watermelon lollipops covered in delicious spicy lucas? You can't explain that.


bc shes fukin dying of cancer u ashole... jeesus fukin christ cud u give her a break lol? she just thinks she bad @ art give her sum luv man... she has leukema she doesnt need these insults from trolls like u... downvote his ass reddit...


Ah, Reddit roulette. At some point some poor bastard is gonna repeat that sentence again and will get downvoted mercilessly.


It's all you've ever got.


All I know is that you're definitely a cunt.


This is honestly one of the weirdest things I've read on this website.


did you manage to grow a vagina also?


I'm just convinced he's secretly Frozone.


I'll admit that those were the only two of the set that are still with us.


Best (legitimate) idea here. I'd take it a step further, throw people off by buying a plane ticket with an obvious paper trail.


If she's that concerned, she should have her daughter on any number of female contraceptives. Condoms really are one of the least effective.


She made a smiley face with a nose. Granny status checks out.


There are already dogs ( wolves are dogs)


Anyone else feel like /u/_vargas_ is that nutty drunk uncle rambling at every party?


I don't want to live in a world that doesn't allow trolling!!!!


Nah Kanye is going to have three other children, South, East, and West. Then the four children will morph together forming Compass West, marking the beginning of the end of days.


Is there a joke I'm missing here? Lol


You have a good vocabulary for a 2nd-grader.


You win the internets.


Just boobs? JUST BOOBS???


MY DADDYY SAYD DAT I AM DA OWDEST!!!!!!!!!!!! DA VIRGINS CANT HAVE DA NOVELTIE ACCOUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NOT VIRGIN CAWSE I TOUCH MOMMYS VAGINIA WEN I BORN GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"I promise to keep having sex with her... But I'd also like to grab a meal or something in between these sexcapades."


No, that's his opinion and that is yours. There's no right answer, aren't opinions great?


Honestly I'm down with paying for stamps. Did you ever consider the fact that the behemoth that is the postal service, with literal planes and trains and automobiles moving literally everything around the world, employing multitudes of people, is funded by fucking *stamps?* If a few cents for a stamp is all I have to pay to keep that thing running that's okay with me.


My son is a redditor.  This was done many years ago.  Found it several months ago in storage.  Maybe he will find it here and fill you in.


One more important factor. Poop. Are you just going to leave little poop trails in your wake?

*Edit*: Okay, I get that many of you can go 24 hours without pooping. I just have a fickle anus ok?


So you knew it was a repost, and did it anyway. What a fucking asshole.


It's as if a million facts cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced

Edit: thanks for the gold, stranger!


Your life is shitty. Sorry I don't spend all day getting piercings, biking around the city and studying the posting rules for Reddit like you do.  Good luck with the rest of your life.  You'll need it.


Your response is definitely part of patriarchy.


That dude didn't know.  He was -5 when I posted it and I went to +3.  Who cares anyway?  I'm not deleting it.  My karma is doing just fine for 3 months.


Not anymore. Knowing my children are able to handle themselves, I'm ready to face it.


They forget birthdays :(


Ok fuck this thread, I'm done.


Not sure if *you're* stupid or trolling.


Benjamin Franklin 1706-1790

Wolfgang Mozart  1756-1791


I used to remember my username, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


shit... op delivered


nah, all the text is russian. They might bench the player for the game, but i doubt he would get into too serious of trouble.


Watching and listening to people in power who believe they know what they are talking about but do not.


LOL. An upboat for you, sir!


It's all fun and games until little Johnny loses his little Johnny.


Look at them and move on.  You know there is streaming porn on this Internet thing,  right?

I come here for the plot


Husband runs a pizza/Italian restaurant. I asked one time if it would look weird if I ordered a bunch of food from somewhere for delivery when I am clearly alone. He said it happens all the time and the drivers don't even think twice about it. No need to feel any shame.


i knew i shouldn't have read the comments to this. armchair refs for the rising stars game? really guys?


Why? He said there would be free lines for everyone!


God's not real. This is reddit.


"She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really... Except of course Elizabeth who is, in fact, a woman."


edit: they keep coming!


Once my SO spooned me. And then jokingly started thrusting.

Me: oh... that's weird.

Her:  haha sorry

Me: well... I didn't say stop. I said weird. Not bad.


Everyone send dick picks to Zack.


Yup. Sure I didn't.

And what I DID say isn't relative...


and the cable guy. DONT FORGET THE CABLE GUY!!!


I don't because its an electronic leash. Everytime you post on facebook or twitter, it also sends your GPS location. You can turn it off, but thats only by software, its still physically on.


She left her entire shavings to the hairdresser and others

Edit:Aaaaaand my highest rated comment is a pretty bad pun


How about he minds his own fucking business? It's their dog and they can do what they want with it. Don't go invading someone's property because you want to be a white knight.


This guy does not fuck around with his answers.


Exactly.  What do you know, since you're some random stranger.  You don't know this woman's age -- perhaps she just looks really young.

Why would you make a comment like this, I mean really?  If she is a young mother why would you want to bring it up again?


I dated a guy who was a musician/music snob. He put on a record to set the mood, but our hookup escalated quicker than either of us expected and he ended up cumming about 1 minute into the first track. It was kind of awkward, considering how long he took to pick out the perfect soundtrack.


how's the murder of palestine going?


And a handsomish one at that.


I don't think she can do that without being objectified by most people, men or women, on reddit or not. Never mind the fact that OP's post doesn't objectify anything, and that only 28 comments have been made so far, none of which represent reddit.

You make it sound like this is something that you're just discovering, but in reality you probably just want a venting-soapbox. I recommend tumblr.


Dogs know this feeling best


>I'm a man dammit

Obviously not if you're spending time watching a cartoon for kids and getting emotional over it.


How can you be sure?  Maybe he's just wearing another guy's face?

Edit:  My highest comment ever is now a Face/Off joke.  I have to make this edit to stop people from replying with variations on the name of the movie.  And here's a shout out to the [One True God](https://www.reddit.com/r/onetruegod) who may actually be [pictured above.](http://i.imgur.com/le7AJdK.jpg "Nic Cage")


ah, the last way to keep the niggers out of the white house


10/10 would bro again


It's literally just the title from the article.


I'd spread my cheeks apart and expose my asshole.


That's not an actual answer.


That's fuckin golden.


No one cares what dumb show you watch so here's a downvote to discourage you for threadshitting. And for the rest too, because random shit like puppy gerbilling is just katy the penguin of doom level bullshit. Not funny. Mindnumbing rot.

Edit: It doesn't matter if you're downvoting me because that won't change my vote.


Oh fuck that. It is not my job to lie to your children.


My fingers are crossed. XD

EDIT:  This is the most downvoted comment I've ever made. o.o


That was a roller coaster


UPVOTE FOR STRAIGHTS. DOWNVOTE FOR HOMOS.


I was thinking Down Syndrome Legolas, but OK.


just fyi, it's considered rude to post links to videos in the comments, since it looks like you're trying to overshadow op's post (which I know you aren't). if it happens again i will down vote you


And this is exactly why I slash all of my interviewer's tires the night before I go in.


I used to laugh very hard, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Cheer up! You could both die simultaneously in a car crash or airliner explosion.


I find it humorous that every downvote beyond -5 all of these comments are getting means a karma nerd actually took the time to open each of them individually just to downvote them again.


The original question is about a stereotype that isn't universally true, so he answered with a stereotype that isn't universally true. I'd say it's a valid answer to a flawed question.


I'm not sure if this comment is meant to be ironic or if you're legitimately retarded. Help?


This is one of the names suggested to my English teacher when she was pregnant. Her last name was Power. Other suggestions included Max, Ultimate, Super, and Full. I think she went with Jackson. What a waste.


You are a whiny little bitch.


This was a school, not some super max prison right?


What's wrong with being homosexual?


> guys

trigger warning please next time. k thnx.


if that's your way of saying it's a repost, and in turn making an effort to bring light to the fact that this is not original content, i take comfort in the fact you invested way more time into this post than i ever did.


>drive through bottle shop

I see no way this can go wrong.

Edit: Apparently they have these in America too. I'm in the middle of PA, and pennsylvania still thinks the prohibition is in effect. I want out please save me.

Edit2: Apprently _western_ PA has these too. What the fuck is going on here.


WICH ONE IS DA DOGGIE AND WICH ONE ID DA LADY????????????????? GOO GOO MOMMMYYY I CANT TWELL DIFWENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


**Are you wearing a scarf?** No Mum, It'll be fine. **you don't want to catch a cold** Seriously Mum it's fine. **Take this scarf, I'm not going to look after you if you get ill** I won't get... **Take the scarf it's getting chilly** FINE, I'LL TAKE THE SCARF. **good boy! Have you got a hat?** FFS PASS THE HAT. *sulks off into the distance*

Edit: Thanks for the Gold, my mum would be proud


How is that a defense for lyrics that sound like they came from a kid that still shits his pants? The same point can be made about absolutely any song.

 Justin Bieber's song "Baby" is a song about a kid that is wishing a girl will always be his.

Nothing more, nothing less.


Released them back into the wild


downvoted that was not funny at all


No fucking wonder. Fuck this 'Dr. Money'.


I assume these are well known people for reasons.


Excellent play-by-play. I love how, in the panic, he didn't have time to properly spell "throw" in his mind.

Edit: thank you for the kind gift of gold, stranger


Spics are excellent at ruining memes btw.


If I put some of Shaq's lotion on, I could probably get in. - Chuck


Don't trust yourself, bro..


Could you not take the tow company to small claims court to get your towing fees back?


yea but patrick stewart is a fag y would u want 2 meet him?


You can still do that!


You think I give a fuck? They run the place now, they make the rules. Either moan and bitch and stir the pot about shit that doesn't matter, or deal with it.


It's not a kids bible, it's a book intended to show how WTF the bible really is.


The best part it that I still keep getting "karma," which I could care less about, even though it's obvious it's fake.


How I Meta Your Mother?


Is it though? If a family member will otherwise die, is it just an invasive procedure you're going through or do you really notice a missing piece of yourself thereafter?  Does quality of life change?

EDIT: to save my comment from downvotes


Me too :( Wait, what thread is this? Shit.


Really!?  Only 10 comments and you already fucking beat me to it???  FUCK


I'll always remember reading a review for it that said if you're suicidal and looking for a reason to do it, watch Dragonball Evolution.


two arms made for labor...


No wait, I didn't read the question properly!!!!!!

Thank you very much for the gold on my above comment.


ottermode? Is that what you girls call it nowadays?


not at all because i'm korean!

in the same way, it's kind of hard to eat scrambled eggs for breakfast.


The devotion of you guys' is amazing.


Donald doesn't know this (WEED), but those characters are all owned by Disney who produced the show. We can never do anything independently with JD/Turk or Acula without the mouse.


Gun-obsession is going to leak into mine (concerned Canadian checking in)

Edit: I'm literally lmao @ ur ignorance ha ha ha

Edit 2: 2nd amendment was written about muskets so if you want to cry "2nd amendment rights!" Then get a musket and be consistent lol


Bruce Vilanch is hiding under my desk right now.  Unfortunately he's not writing jokes for me, if you  know what I mean.


thank you for your "beliefs". people like you just talk shit and don't get anything done. did you bother checking out the Charity Navigator link on the campaign's page? No, you didn't. You just talk shit. At least spell campaign correctly. Spell check is free.


Khaleesi!  WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS?


You have defeated me with your scathing wit. I surrender. Please, no more! I am crying and I regret saying anything! You have shown me the error of my ways and now I feel foolish. Please, leave me now to my humility and shame, and go forth to deliver your righteous wisdom to the remainder of this misguided species!
No but seriously... Why are you talking to me?


"I came in through the window."

"We're on the twelfth floor!"

"... I really need a job..."


I did it all for the nookie.


We sell wings by 9s.  "Can I get 9 wings, half of them BBQ?".


when "work" is dry-humping strangers you should expect some, "harassment."


As a black man named Tyrone, I laughed pretty damn hard.

Also, Im not black and my name is Nick.


This comment has 25 points at 12:57pm EST on 4/8/11


I want to know my kid will have perfect IV's and the best nature before I breed.


I used to think that OP is a fag, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


lik dis if u cry evritim!


No, the website he was linking to *was* trying to sell his paintings; he just removed that from the site. The commenter wasn't making it up or anything.


You let them bite?!

Didn't you listen to your parents? "Don't let the bedbugs bite". It's not that hard.


I don't care what he does off of reddit, but it becomes a problem when he's using comments as a billboard. If he wants to sell his paintings on Reddit, he can buy an ad like everyone else who wants to sell their products here.


"Yes, this is the crisis center hotline."

wimper "Hello. Yes, this is dog..."


Well fuck, that's how I found the image.  I didn't circle shit.

Also checked this out on karmadecay, never been posted here, thought some of you assholes might like it.


*I have a dream that my little light bulbs will one day live in a neighborhood where they will not be judged by the color of their glass, but by the brightness of their filament*


So I'm not allowed to have an opinion?

Fuck you.


have an upvote for that tl;dr


I've actually never watched porn before so no this is the fakest I've seen

Edit: you guys are fucking idiots. It was an obvious joke


That gives me a justice boner.


"hands up" to shooting within 5 seconds, there is no excuse for that.


Is this thing a terminator?  It seems unkillable....


Wtf is your problem. This answer must of really taken some thought from a novelty account. Reported for adding nothing of value to the conversation/spam.


I'm in, just don't hurt me


With any luck someone will come along and tell you that you are stupid and prove it. I'm not that person.

I don't give a flying fuck about any of that. Some fast food asshole doesn't need to make $21/hr. If they want that much they should learn the same lesson everyone else learned about how fast food jobs are for kids.


***holy fucking shit betty white is still alive***


Yeah... fuck you canada.  You can afford health care because we have the military budget and we are keeping the muslim terrorists from coming from your country and flying planes into your canadian towers.  If we stopped spendin on our military and brought our troops home and gave americans health care then all the terrorists will be coming to your country and not ours.


**Achievement Unlocked: Staring death in the face**

Looked right into the eyes of the man who will eventually murder you.


As a PC gamer, that's confusing.


What would you do... If they rebel?

I would...

Unionize them.


I know you're being sarcastic, but it's actually not that hard to pay attention while your driving and use your phone.


Because I didn't know what a gorilla vagina looked like and I don't like not knowing things.


Speak for yourself, dipshit.


No need for clarification. Frankenstein is always the Doctor. The monster is Frankenstein's Monster


The mark of an ignorant person is close mindedness to things that don't correspond to their world view.

This is not in any way an attack on your friend. As an (apathetic) agnostic, I've recognized it in myself at times.

The Bible may be flawed, but if you look it as a literary work of fiction, it makes for a good read~


I have absolutely no recollection of the parent comment now, but I'll assume that I responded appropriately.


Unless you're in incognito mode and you just accidentally x-ed out of the video you wanted to finish to and now you can't find it because it was one of 24 tabs you had open and you don't remember the site or the name of the video and now your pissed off and losing your erection and have to start all over.


OMFG that is SO wrong on SO many levels! lol!


Yeah libraries!!!

Edit : wow this is my highest comment ever. Lol awesome!


Nothing new; I've had stalkers that lasted months.


It doesn't fit the Western news narrative.


It's so gross the way that fat people put food ahead of everything else in life and aren't even afraid to admit it anymore.


"my nephews would like to meet you."

"OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"


I was going to write that. Fuck. But you are absolutely right.


Scandinavia is too good, it's not fair on the rest of us. The Nicolas Angel of Europe


This is why everyone thinks reddit is horrifying and awful. That and r/MensRights and r/BeatingWomen and everything else.

Actually, are you guys gonna do anything about that last one? Nope? Cool.


Well, oddly enough my mom's family's name is Wilson, so technically yes because my uncle is Chris Wilson.


I just don't understand how you could fail so shamefully and miserably and still have the gall to comment in this thread. Why don't you go fuck yourself you horrid little shitstain.


"OW!"

"Put it under cold water."

"Oh my hero!"


The Italian and US courts disagree with both you and Jenny McCarthy. Spreading third party information does not make you personally responsible for anyone's death. People have the right to be informed and make their own decisions.


They won't need to. They'll just go out and paint all their rocks red and tell their people that dear leader brought everyone to Mars in their sleep last night.


...my god what happened?


You're absolutely right, but for people who are significantly overweight a sudden regime of less food, healthier food, and regular exercise is a huge lifestyle change.

Choosing only to limit calories will get rid of weight fast. After loosing most of the weight, it's easier to then add in exercise and healthier food choices.

Edit: Thanks for the gold!!


Thank you for proving my point about France. I'm going to make sure to tell everyone to never go there and that your country is a police state. God, why is the world outside of the US have no civil liberties? I really mean that. Can you name a country with as much rights as the US? I can't.


Is it edgy and in your face?


That's what I thought.


And you won't even BELIEVE what happens next...


"Reasons that aren't listed anywhere, so they're basically at your discretion?"

That's the right of a mod.  If you don't like how the mods are running a subreddit, go create your own and run it as you see fit.


I once torrented text book for a computer ethics class.


Girl at your parents house, you went blue pill.


Are you just using 10% of your keyboard?


He should just get a job like the people he's asking free money from.


Never tell him the odds


Yeah because SRD vote brigading isnt happening at all.


Was reading through his post thinking "fuck this, fuck THAT, are you fucking kidding me??" then you get to the rimjobs and i'm wondering if he married her yet.


pretty sure the kid didn't want his gift to go to a black guy


*As you are standing in a forest, listening to the sounds of nature, your hand starts vibrating. You feel the desire to pick up a stick. As you bend down, the stick floats, almost unnoticeably, into your hand. You hold the stick on front of you, and watch as it starts to levitate over your hands.*

EDIT: Thank you the double gold, kind strangers!


lol

not sure on the downvotes, this was funny

edit: what the the fucking fuck? now he has huge upvotes, and i get huge downvotes. what did I do :-/

edit 2: since you guys are apparently fucking stupid: THE COMMENT I RESPONDED TO WAS GETTING DOWNVOTED, SO I LAUGHED, UPVOTED IT, AND WONDERED WHY SUCH A FUNNY COMMENT WAS GETTING DOWNVOTED. WHAT A CRIME AGAINST COMMUNITY.


damn right you are

edit: ...sir.


thats so much sense lmao


So him fucking you over without a hint of regret doesn't strain your relationship? Or do you mean you only count strain on his part because you don't value yourself at all?


For shooting unarmed men? I'll never understand this mentality some of you have about shooting someone who isn't armed.


that actually ruined my sister's first marriage. her love was out of rebellion, which is why she ran away to California with a mechanic. as soon as my dad started liking the guy, she fell out of love.

my sister's a dumb bitch. her husband was cool.


Fuck is not a nice word. Try another word such as 'copulate' instead!


"congratulations, your chances have increased to 0.001%"

Edit: yes, I'm saying there's a chance


Hahaha, you deserve my upvote.


"But you said you LIKED the dancing skeleton and flame gifs!"


>bob.com**,** however


Nevaeh: Gonna Give you up


look who can use the internet.


Yes, actually. He made peace with the Holy Roman Empire and spent most of his time discussing theology with other great minds of his day instead of killing people like John XII or holding orgies for his relatives like Alexander VI.


"Doesn't look hard" *goes to any Sunday league pickup game and sees this done easily* "Yep, not that hard"


The jizz soaked sock.


Funny, that's the same thing your mother said on the night she first slept with your father.


This has got to be one of the best TIFUs ever posted, because it enters a realm where it doesn't matter whether the story is real or fake. I've never seen that happen before.


Why would you be such a colossal prick in an otherwise, perfectly friendly thread.

You must have a line of people waiting to be your friend.


Pluck? That's girly.

Hotglue between the brows and rip it off. Then drink a pint of diesel.


*You're

Edit: wow I'm swimming in down votes.  Feels good man


Making friends is super hard. It's harder than it was dating.


and now everyone downvotes you


No worries dude. I've only screamed at a couple myself


nether of these people are real.


As a non-English speaker, what does it mean? It sounds like you thought it was!

Edit: Got it, female dog wants to fuck.


Some advice on not getting my size 12 boot up your ass: don't tell mentally ill strangers what to do.


"OMG BRUCE ARE YOU HAVING SEX IN HERE"

"No were practicing our Chewbacca noises!"

Edit: blaruuuuruuar!

Translation from wookie-> english: thanks for the gold kind stranger!


What.... Your sat there licking riots ass while this guy just got banned by some faggot riot admin with the same attitude as the rest of the 13 year old trolls playing this game. This is not a time to comment riot for their "amazing response"


I hate her clothes. She should take them off.

Edit: Thank you for gold and supporting Reddit.


NERC RERFERERNC, I RERLER FERGERT ERBERT THERT.


No, the most *embarrassing* thing is selfie sticks.

The worst thing to come out of South Korea would be Starcrafters dying after 48 hours straight of gaming.


Haha if you think Clay quit for absolutely no reason on a game deciding drive, you don't know anything about Clay Matthews.

Edit: oops I defended rnfls villain of the week!


you wanna go, motherfucker?

your rhymes are making me sick

you know my fast-neutron cross section is twice the size of your dick

it's *critical* that you hear the words i'm dropping on you

because I bring the power faster than a chunk of UO2


I guess so. But IMO that's kind of a jerky thing to judge her on.


You're a better man than Newt Gingrich....


cool you guys have seen the same thing you can stop quoting it noone cares

*just because i play zelda and im a nerdy girl doesnt mean you have to downvote me guys xD


"Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one."


He only commuted the prison term, not the fines or probation.
Libby's life is still ruined.


*Fiiine*

Kill the people that made The Purge, ***then*** grab a camera, make a documentary and sell it when the laws are back in place.


Why did you give up your fight to help stop school children shooting each other? You sound spineless. Maybe those original accusations weren't far off the mark. Just running off to another city seems cowardly though.


I WAS THE BEST DRIVER.  I WILL FIGHT YOUR DRIVER TO THE DEATH.

Edit:  Thank you for the gold.  I shall use it to purchase the finest battle accoutrements.  Your sacrifice shall not be in vain.


My thoughts exactly! (well except without the vulgarity) I knew you guys would find this as hilarious as me! I'm so glad you're enjoying it! To the front page! (:


Which will probably result in the baby doing crossfit later in life. Didn't need those brain cells anyway right?


Well yeah, but no one cares about CS:GO

EDIT 1: I'm a grill btw ;)

EDIT 2: Thanks for the gold!


Strange, kingdom hearts got me into call of duty and debt got me out of out edit: I'm not deleting this stupid shit, already typed it


you mean he prefers to be referred to as a she


You must have not seen a Canadian in years because the ones I meet can't help but find any reason to bring it up


Rule 1: no sexism. Thing I said in my post: learn basic sociology. "Misandry" is only used seriously by the sorts of people who are sexist and think an evil feminist cabal is trying to keep them down for having the gall to ask people to treat women like human beings.

It's roughly analogous to the term "states' rights" in that they are both euphanisms for bigotry.


Hiding in a grill has epic death written all over it.


That's charming.  If it went for 11 seasons...


he needed to go get the life experience it takes to become the lion king.


Yes, this only has sex with the same sex of itself. Always an excellent point.

Edit: Incorrect word used. Those who are down-voting, please express yourself.

Edit 2: I don't have enough down-votes for this yet.


You went to an extreme length to get away with that!


maybe OP is making a subtle point about people on 4chan :O


My anaconda don't want none unless you have a high likelihood of producing healthy offspring with a minimal chance of genetic disabilities, (*edit*) hun.


It doesn't bother me, I really thought she had done it and wanted to share, oh well :)

Until you posted the original, there were hardly any down votes, now plenty.

Honestly it just proves the fickleness and hive-mind syndrome of this place.


I imagine he lived in a cardboard box with "hell" written on the side


Whats with all of the cheap-ass boyfriends this year? Seriously, a sharpie drawing?


yep... i saw a guy get shot down at the beach... she left crying and he just collapsed and laid there in the sand until the tide almost washed him away.... he got up and started yelling, throwing the ring in the ocean... me and my drinking buddy spent the rest of the afternoon looking for the ring with snorkels we bought from the gas station...


yeah. perfect representation of American arrogance.

no wonder they hate you, they need a hard beating to get their amerifat Smirk and arrogance of their faces.

and ANYONE who watched the last military parade can see they use the same ballistic missle launchers as the russians and chinese

http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/nation/2012/04/116_109481.html


I tried pretending with my creditors, but they didn't buy it.


ummm okay but its like how did that guy know u were from that hometown to show u ur old classmates. doesn't really make sense unless u make it up. i dont like people that front all the time just be for real okay

upvote if u agree


>sqrt(-1)

>3x10^8

>Js^-1

>1.661x10^-27 kg

>did there

sqrt(-1) = **i**, imaginary

3x10^8 m/s = **c**, speed of light

Js^-1 = **watt**, unit for power

1.661x10^-27 kg = **u**, ~~atomic unit~~ unified atomic mass unit

**did there**

For anyone who was unsure.


You sir, shall receive an up vote.


It was a long term facility that was the best ran place of anywhere in the four states where I've worked. It was always a treat when one of the kids, all grown up, would come back to visit after becoming successful.


You are right.Thank you for your advice.


their research fit together really well ... like peas in a pod.

i'm not sorry.


Doesn't get more reposted than this.


So you slept with a cute girl so she gave you cereal. I want your life


But of course not reddit gold. You have 3.99 don't you?


They'd all chosen the same person because they all recognized that he was the least capable, which sort of seems like a likely outcome of this strategy.


You shouldn't offer criticism when it's unnecessary or isn't requested, but other than that, thanks!


Similarly, I thought the penis was a lot lower and pointed straight down. Barbie and Ken spent a lot of time scissoring.

Edit: [I illustrated some expectations.](http://imgur.com/g46mpE5) Also started on barbie and ken scissoring, but then I got lazy.


You should consider going back into that coma.  This is easily the dullest AMA I have ever read.  Do you ever think your family would be much better off if you died?


She seems (by the minute long video) pretty well adjusted despite her upbringing though.


that's so clever, man, you're so clever.


Ahh, the ole' Five Nights at Tauntaun's.


no one was banned. we had a clear rule, which 1 person violated, who was kicked.


They're almost always embarrassed. Except for one, who made me feel like I was to blame for having a tricky last name or something. How dare I be named Page?


I used to wait 6 minutes to 3 years to log in, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


We had that, it was called Borders.


MOMMMYY HOW IS BABBY FORMED N WAT IS DA SPERM BANK?????????????? I WANA PWAY WIT DA SPERM GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: GAGA


In fact it would be a little bit frightening, were it not for your expert timing.


INDEED, IT WAS JUST LIKE READING A RIDDLE, FUCKWAD.


The problem is that they might not smell to you, who has got used to the smell, but they will to others.

It's like people who wear the same perfume every day. After a while they get used to it, so they put on more and more until it becomes overwhelming to those around them, but the person thinks it is the same.


When you're really ready to take the plunge, we have skinnydipping over at redditgonewild.


But shit, it was 99 cents.


it's not like if the client was already using the entire screen of his laptop right?


RE-RABLEBOWBLE FABLY (dunna dunna nuna)


You moron. All this button does is save a screenshot of the current image and it remains in your clipboard until you paste it into a destination folder or an image program (it also works for all office programs)

Unfortunately I will have to downvote your comment as it provides misleading information (-:

*Have a great day, everybody else!* (-:


Hey. Food's ready.

Hey. Food's ready.

Hey. Food's ready.

Hey. Food's ready.

Hey. Food's ready.


I think OP means this isn't the same hammer.


BEN'S HERE! Ted, come out here! Ben's here!


Because fuck yeah America # 1 bro all day erryday

Inferior countries going to be jealous *shoots gun in the air*


There are no winners in Big Brother.


You're the self entitled prick for thinking you are better than them. Did you ever think it may just be more than "I WANT THIS AND I WANT THAT?". Most people feel involved in Minecraft's success.

TL ; DR - You're the self entitled prick. :)

EDIT: I guess most of the self entitled pricks of reddit, don't like being called so.


>This is adorable

Until you learn the [SHOCKING TRUTH](http://i.imgur.com/VCNYl.jpg)


Past drug experience is pretty essential to really get a kick out of that one.


then you need to drink more water, dude


I would be ashamed to be from Mexico. What a shit hole. It would be such a nice place if mexicans didn't live there.


The sound of a million fedoras tipping in unison.


Some nobhead downvoted you for that.

Edit: Why the fuck is this being downvoted?


Why this baby look like it pays taxes?


you mean we have a winrar?


That's gotta be the lamest federal crime ever. You would go to federal prison and get beat up by tax evaders.


Not really. It's sad to think of it as a great accomplishment like so many do. It's like being enamored by the guy who stared at a wall the longest.


I always put music during sex, ... it became a habit, sometimes when I have sex in a quite room it sounds so weird, we stop for a while we put music and carry on!!!


You fucking pieces of shit took my family away, you fucking angels of death, fuck you motherfucker I hope you die sad motherfucking piece of worthless shit.


When you're cheating on your men and are too lazy to come up with a solid alibi and story.

  #JustGirlyThings


I was about to agree than i goolged and saw how hot his wife is and I admit it, I softened a bit.  She's hot, men are dumb.


Nonsenses, they spent 15 billions to get ass raped by Germany.


I used to karmawhore off the top comments, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


"Nationwide, your kid just died"


Hey asshole, you're on a screen that's about 15" and you're using half of it so you can have the other half of your screen wasted which seems ridiculous unless you're trying to show off your desktop, especially when you're taking a picture of a fucking website.

WTF am I supposed to think?  Go fuck yourself


Rebecca won that bet. Goddamn you, Becky.


meh it's totally for fucking over the consumer. for example, good will hunting was always on netflix except mysteriously taken down right after robin williams died, when everyone wanted to re watch that movie


He said Michael Bay, not M. Night Shambala

Edit: Auto correct. Keeping it.


Fucking Americans.

Wwwaaaaahhh dumbass Americans continue their fantasy of the land of the free with hatred.

God go die you country of greasy 8th graders, do the world a favour.


Lets just say I have a *killer* job..


I know that no one is supposed to say this anymore, and that saying this is frowned upon, and I assure you that this isn't generally my style, but...

This.


But really, why were you jerking off *with* your friend? That must be pretty awkward. I mean, friendship is magic and so forth, but still...


You guys are morons. Facebook has 60 000 servers. They have plenty of space and their information is kept in compressed folders smaller than .txt :-)

Also, I am **downvoting** the original post as it encourages male-on-female violence, which is *just* **not** *on* :-)


I don't remember seeing that scene in the originial movie, that must be in Pocahontas 2....


hahahaha - I'm at a [10] and can't fuckin' comprehend or even Reddit right now - fuck and shit


They're illusions. Tricks are what whores do for money.


*shards
EDIT: This was my first comment on my new account :( lol damn


> Why some guys will **act** like the nicest people on earth to a woman

Key word here


le me used to be le redditor for le three years, then  le me took le arrow in le knee!!!!!!!! le lolL!


Dear diary,

Today could have been much worse.


I can't talk to you. Please don't respond to me after this, seriously, please, just don't. Please.

It was stupid of me to bring up my age and I've recognized that elsewhere in the thread.

Now please leave me alone.


At the end of your life


Noone gives a fuck you Goddamb piece of shit. Why the fuck would you tell us this???? WE DON'T CARE WHO YOU KNOW.


TIL parrots have the emotional maturity of Korean heiresses.


give me internet points


He's going to grow up then get in an accident and go to the ICU. The family waits patiently as Ethernet is in a coma. Eventually the family approves the doctor to pull the plug and not let him suffer anymore. They wait in the hospital lobby, the doctor walks out looking gloomy. He looks at the family and quietly whispers "Ethernet has been disconnected."


I don't know, in 1999 I wondered the same in shelter when bombs from democratic countries like UK and USA were over my heads killing innocent people.


god damn it who is this? Brent? only a few people i know would ask this.


Lol? I am questioning the motive, not the currency. You're dumb.


If they served their time, so what? The punishment is supposed to rehabilitate. I bet there are much shittier people on that campus than the few convicted felons, perhaps one of the many predators who take advantage of drunk women.


Try again...

They get paid to play.


My friend titty fucked a girl before boot camp because he sang her that song... true story


Obama is the king of squandering taxpayers money to finance his never ending campaigning.  The man never stops, continuous running for election.


Funny story. They have cameras everywhere except for the bathroom. At first my goal was to not fap. After what I think were the first 15 days I realized this was not possible. What I forgot was that I constantly have an electrode measuring my heart rate. So yea, I fapped in the bathroom, I wasn't caught but they knew.


Stop karmawhoring. He's not top 5 in either of his positions.


Copper + tin = bronze


We'll shit the fuck up when you lose weight lmao


DONE. DONE.

Edit: Thanks for the gold! (:


Actually, fuck you for being too fucking dumb to realize that you've been had by the very same people commanding you to shut up and wave your flag.


Give them a math test anyway.


downvoted that was not funny at all


You just made a ghost's day


idiot. when SHE  offers sex he's not interested. learn to read you fool and don't waste my time again


That's just like how my dad says 'you embarrass me' instead of 'I love you'


Boku no google reverse image search.


>documentary


You, sir, get my upvote.


Look. Look with your special eyes.


It's an ama, what you expect, just upvotes?


Not if you live in England.


i didn't see any gender assignment there...


You're just fantastic


Holy shit. First comment to break 100 upvotes. Thanks guys.


YOU ASSHOLE! YOU RUINED IT FOR OP!

Edit: new personal best yay!

Edit edit: Oh shit nevermind.


No, he was not decimated. Look up the non-slang version in a dictionary (the slang version simply exists because America is too silly to know the actual definition).


Probably landing the first 900. It marked the end of 20+ years of competing, and opened up new doors of opportunity to keep skating and promoting skateboarding in general.


haha I guess you are the reason i am jck2 on most sites...


"You're going to need a bigger scrote."


Dems/Obama are the king of "Bush did it first".  The irony is delicious!


Does she like pina coladas?


pretty much all of our problems with rule 3 and 4 are from a rather organized group of people who hate that there are women on the internet, and that they post anything ever

and a pre-emptive hello to r/subredditdrama, one of the arms of [/r/mensrights](/r/mensrights)


**TITLE CORRECTION:**  IAmA America Hating Al Cheida loving gay doochebag frenchy that loves 13 year old hairy women (preferbly with a penis) to do me in l'colon.  Please, no lube.  That's what ass mucus is for.


I got gold and only one upvote, simply for reminding someone it was Saturday and not Sunday.


Uhhhhh, almost all the character in the game is sound. Ignoring music games, Portal (the first especially) is one of the most sound reliant games there is. It's kind of just a short tech demo without it. Subtitles should make it rather playable though.


This one.. I need a break after this one.


FUUUUCCCK NIGGERSSS!!!!


Assertion of dominance


Niggersplosion (nigər'splōZHən)

Noun: An explosion involving the casualties of African-Americans.

Ex: "There was a niggersplosion down by the meth lab".

Spread the word until the Webster people add it to the dictionary!


Criss Angel is the Guy Fieri of Magic.


witch hunt witch hunt witch hunt, burn him burn him burn him.


Omg such a good idea! Just knock out a wall each and build onto each other! Screw permits!


I don't think "Shots" had to be capitalized.

Edit: Can someone tell me why I got a bunch of hate for trying to help?


Ugh people do this on the Macs at school all the time,  sensitivity all the way up or down. I think the admin actually locked those settings because people kept changing the language and shit.


Sounds like an idiot. He should take a world religions class. The idea that religious are primarily (bad) explanatory systems is an Enlightenment idea. He should just teach science and leave religion to others.


That's kind of you to say, but I'm not sure your husband will appreciate knowing that you like /u/clarkie13's dick...


Seriously, this is unwarranted and her tone is just upsetting.


Seriously, when I heard of people being hit by  crytpowall and crptolocker attacks.


This is fucking weird, because I put on Friends as a joke on Netflix recently, and I have become addicted. It is a very iconic, interesting, and funny show. It's weird to see it brought up.


i am nicer than you think!


Why in gods name is this being downvoted do you know? Its probably the best gif I have ever seen.


i know this - and i'm on a break from weed.


**I JUST ATE AN POO**


ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY


No I wrote I meant. The follower of atheist doctrine would be not so easily fooled by this 'photoshopped' image. He would explore for more evidence on the matter before 'believing'. It is essentially science.


You found his decoy porn stash, what he REALLY wants is tentacles. So many tentacles.


Big words you got there. Play more hockey.


It's also acceptable to wear jeans with holes all in them. Am I a dirty bum who can't afford jeans without holes? No, it's a fucking fashion statement and I look fabulous.


same here.

EDIT: you call THIS downvoting? PUT YER BACKS INTO IT,YE SCURVY CUNTS!

2nd EDIT: THAT'S MORE LIKE IT! Steady as she goes lads. You've done me proud.


Call Chuck Testa first


We don't care here either.


>Why were you watching Transformers 4?

Real question


Niggers don't belong in a suit store. A nigger's proper place is at the end of a rope.


That's what he wants you to think. The only time the world has been allowed to see the real Michael Cera was in This Is The End.


When you say western religions do you mean Christianity and Judaism? Cause those are middle easterns.

Edit: Wow, I never had this amount of negative karma, I'll prepare myself for a negative gold I guess.

Also, I didn't realize the term was widely used, sorry if I sounded like a smart ass.


A good Onion headline from a few years ago: "Dozens of murders in Chicago delayed due to snow."


Right, though his actual shot isn't a free throw, we know that it would count as a normal shot, or two points, so it simply counted, but not twice :)


I hope I never meet you...you disgust me.


Read the last section of Alex Haley's *Roots*.


OP never said anything about actually putting the pill in the lemonade.


posted that...scrolled down and saw yours...upmote for you


His daughter started the fire while she was high when her parents  were out shopping in the morning.


No, I am American you dummy. But, thanks for proving my point: you are a presumptuous asshole who has it all wrong.


TIL i've always been high

**EDIT** obligatory thanks for the gold. what the hell did i miss here?


So they finally found his body after 20 years? A sad ending then. Oh well at least they can tell the family now so they have closure.


Delusion is a powerful state of being.


'Yeah poor kids, this is your future...Take it and like it."


that would be so awkward

"oh you guys survived..."


YAY A DOWNVOTE THREAD! DOWNVOTE MEEEE DOWNVOTE MEEEEEEEEEE!


Everyone knows A negatives grow cabbages at their compost yards.


I think this was sarcasm


I get this reaction too, but usually the whole bus gasps.


ummm i'm pretty sure the ppl who write school tests are smarter than you. you are the retard... plus if i was grading that paper i'd get that kid suspended for doodling gaming bs on a test..


Hopefully they never spell their name wrong, wait a minute, are you that guy?

EDIT: Thanks for the gold you retarded asshole


Came in to make a funny comment, not going to beat this, fuck it.  Bring on the downvotes.


It'd be really funny when they play kickball at gym.


> That is good news. A person who has already proved his commitment to ~~a country and its people~~ humanity. Good work!

FTFY. I'd believe anyone in a similar situation would attempt to save lives, one way or another.


Gary Indiana, a city so bad surrounding areas built a bridge over it, and charge $10 for the privilege to use it.


Are we supposed to be astounded at your amazing strength or something? All I think of when I read your comment are fat fingers than have lost their nimbleness due to the owner stuffing himself with cake.


While this is true, it still might sour the relationship with an unprofessional boss.


The admins can verify this is not my account.


individuals, maybe they would think it's odd after a couple days. But having that translate to a global understanding and acceptance is unfathomable.


Nice punctuation, douche bag. Correcting something that's already correct.


Roseanne was another show known for this.  Their living room full of crap they probably bought at garage sales.


You might be the only one.


Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot!


In Asia, she is VERY average looking. If it wasn't for her tits, no one would care.

Seriously, some of you fat fucks need to get out in the world. American women, especially the extremely popular one ARE NOT THAT HOT!!!


No. Fuck you and that dress.


Problem??? [Troll Face]


*"Ahhh! Just the way your mother likes it Trebek!"*

Edit: Wow thanks mysterious stranger!


The woman was your typical liberal.


"This isn't even my dog."


Constructive criticism for what... Just because people aren't being hostile doesn't mean they wouldn't benefit from not making things a big deal that aren't???


Birds wiggle around when they want to escape, notice how chill she is and how she doesn't move her feet around.

Also they tend to fly away from things they don't like, having owned 6 budgies (That type of bird) that's an exited face.

TO UNSUBSCRIBE TO BIRD FACTS PRESS 5


I always laugh when kids born in the 80s and 90s consider stuff like "Goldfinger" to be ska.


Cumbox, cum table, cum bottle, now this.

Why the fuck can't you people jizz into tissues and throw them away like normal people? Fuck.


transwomen are not real women

come at me bro


A-sian? Why not A+sian?


Yeah. My sister is married to an asshole too.


This is the most normal vargas post out there.


Maybe I should have said "This tattoo won't even..."


Make sure you get a rabies shot or something, those things can carry diseases.


Lol america. Good job letting a corporation stifle smaller businesses. You did the same shit with ISPs. Fucking try that shit in Europe and see how far you go. People will actually band together to stop shit like this.


You've highlighted the biggest issue here. Soooo many times I saw one of the kitchen staff read a ticket that came through, pause, read it a second time, then throw it across the room and start shouting "WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN!? I HAVEN'T GOT TIME FOR THIS SHIT!".


Yup ... that's what I get for being at a [10] while submitting on Reddit


"Alright everybody good work! Cleanup crew do your thing. Let's bring out another glass desk. Places everybody! here comes another one!"


Dudes I got 8350 comment karma, I could give 2 shits to whoever downvotes me. In fact, I challenge you reddit, I CHALLENGE YOU, to bring that number to 5000


right after taking a shower


Um... Canada.

As much a Americans would like to claim the karma train of Canada as their own, it isn't gonna happen.


For some basic examples:

Call of Duty = hitscan (instant connection)

Battlefield = actual bullet physics (connection delayed by movement)


You're still a terrible parent.  Stay at home and wreck your own house.


RIP Michael Jackson.


For once OP was not a faggot. Greatly done indeed.


In a similar vein: the actress that plays Kate Upton's boobs.


MY GOD, WHAT HAVE  YOU DONE!!!


Ah, like Paris, Texas


I used to be fucking brilliant, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Now with 0 blades! Keeps your beard thick and full!


If you consider a few hours good trolling, then I am pretty damn good as I have been instigating responses from you for days between my posts. You're stupid.


HOLY SHIT HE'S GONNA STA-nevermind just being sexy


So? Don't mean he have to act like a little BITCH


> You say that as if you had a choice.

FIFY

Edit: You popped my gold cherry! Thank you for that experience, mysterious stranger!


> I had no idea there'd be such an interest!

Literally one person asked.   Your the cringe OP.

Crap post by the way.


My friend will be happy to hear this...
Thanks!
edit: [And here's to the magnificent bastard who gilded me](http://media0.giphy.com/media/GCLlQnV7wzKLu/giphy.gif).


You're clearly the epitome of experience and know more than all the people in happy relationships who have advised me.


The rare shower and grower...


yes indeed, if by science joke you mean not really a joke at all, then yes. hilarious.


Finishing with threatening to contact someone higher up then him and wishing him good luck with the rest of his career.

Example of a way too spoiled, self-entitled brat that never had her parents tell her to just shut the fuck up and behave.


Right :-D  I didn't think the brits thought that highly of american film characters.


Yes it is fucking convenient you fucking cunt


This is reddit, not 4chan.


Rating, 3 words.

Upboats please. Are you fucking serious? Is that what passes for originality?


U-235....VERSUS....U-238! BEGIN!


NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookeezx!


There are two types of people. Those who pee in the shower and dirty fucking liars.

-Louis CK

Edit: I like how most of the replies to this comment are people arguing about the validity of a joke made by a comedian. Oh reddit.


I used to have saddened eyes... but then I took an arrow to the knee!!!


Snitches.  It's almost always a snitch.  Law enforcement likes to pretend it's all their advanced equipment and detective work, but it usually is just a piece of shit person.


Oh I am sorry, what i wanted to say is fuck you


You should be a mod at /r/relationships


This is fucking fake. U know why they didn't take ur video game shit? Video games are for faggots. There is absolutely nothing cool about being obsessed with the same thing as a 10 year old. Actually, that kinda makes u gamer fags pedophiles. U r creepy ass child predators.


Phantom Rectum....  dibs on the band name.


No your not wrong, your just an asshole.


"Sensei,  it's me Senpai"


The fact the organ transporter had no copies of the relevant records is stunning.

I would hesitate before choosing these rambling pack of dipshits as my doctors.


Calling your partner "Piggly Wiggly" while you're behind them is Mistake #2.


Yeah, I know right. They shouldn't have the right of free speech.


Ah, guilt... subtle and insidious, the slow blade that cuts deepest of all. A thinker's weapon.

I myself would shit in her shampoo.


Okay bro
Edit: I was saying "okay bro" to the fact that he doesn't like Ed Sheeran's music, obviously he's lying.


Definitely staged. Still pretty funny.


Hey smart-ass. LOS has two giant windows they open that are not under the preview of the roof rule....so they can open those any time they want on you as is....I wonder what lets more air in.. My sun roof or my door window.....

Also if you don't trying to be funny you might be able to learn that there are more teams with retractable roofs than Indy.


"I'm done with reddit for the day, I'll do something else."

*closes tab*

*opens reddit bookmark*


I think you're an Outer fat kid as well.


Come on, man. Let it go.


I don't know why this one doesn't either, you were just telling the guy how you felt. I swear sometimes Reddit can be such assholes.

Edit: I accidentally a word.


You never really think about intra-racial racism.


he said it with less blacker/niggerish word font


I almost cut myself on that edge


There you are fucking smiling about this again. Do you understand how many lives your husband destroyed , while you slept with him... stop fucking smiling


Besides that???

Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

Thank you :)


I don't care what you wrote. The guy above me just now wished cancer on me because I *didn't* have cancer. That's all that matters here.


It's on the 'low end' of survivable [(20–28 °C (68–82 °F) Stage 3, 	Unconscious, not shivering, 	Severe Hypothermia)](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypothermia), and in my experience, 72^o is when water starts to feel uncomfortably cold, but is still warm enough that with constant movement you can spend a very long time in it.


He sent picks of his dick to chrilden.  This man is my hero and I hope liberals take the whole democrat party down with them by defending the prick (pun intended!).  All this energy defending a liberal douche-bag pederast while Obama is fucking you in the ass.


Links for the lazy

[Record Milk Sales](http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3omljo/)

[Creepywolverine](http://i.imgur.com/A6evm.jpg)

[North By Northwest airplane scene](http://i.imgur.com/rs1Oy.png)


ha downvoted this ;0p


Why are you, butthurt?


The number of things I learned from that game


The issue with that is that we'd have to monitor the posts to wait for them to edit in the "thanks for the questions everyone" part, which we don't do. We're usually just involved in the starting process of the IAmA (making sure it fits guidelines, making sure it isn't spam filtered, making sure it has proof, etc). After that, the mods aren't involved in the IAmA.


Later on Buzzfeed: You wouldn't believe what Deadmau5 does in his free time!

Later on Facebook: Deadmau5 admits he fucks goats!

Later on Fox: Is goat fucking becoming an epidemic among our youth?


Ozil was brilliant?

Had nothing to do with the shirt but I certainly disagree.

Arsenal fans, never change.


You'll change the way you see homelessness forever with this one weird trick.


whatever. The game was a joke until Inferno. I dont care what anyone says, taking DAYS to kill a boss in this game before Inferno is pathetic. You guys shouldnt support it.


I'm sorry Ms Jackson!


this shouldn even be in the programming subreddit. its an article about an f'ing lawsuit NOT code. i suggest that everyone downvote and move on

**edit downvotes for THE TRUTH???? typical reddit**

**edit 2 for those sayin it will affect future of programming, em no. oracle is a database company not programming**


Ahh the old "Swiss Miss Instant Chocolate"

Edit: Glad I could make a lot of people smile today :)


At the recommendation of fellow redditors, I'm making an adsense account. However, any money made will go to charity towards Japan, and not myself. I hope this helps.

-B


No, you're thinking of regular Jesus. Mega Jesus is bigger, better, badder and man is he pissed. Regular Jesus would forgive you for your sins and trespasses but mega Jesus is out for blood.


Over-rated, over-hyped, overwrought, etc.


Free books at the library. Every library's different. Unlimited supply. You'll never be bored again.


Was confused. Looked at your username. Realized you were an idiotic novelty account AKA the cancer of this website. Downvoted you. Made this reply to tell you you're an asshole


...easing the meat in ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


don't joke about epilepsy


Embrace failure. Never never quit. Get very comfortable with that uneasy feeling of going against the grain and trying something new. It will constantly take you place you never thought you could go. This has been my mantra for years. I always remember I won't do things right on the first try. So failure is mandatory for success!


actually it has more to do with that i wouldn't physically feel safe because there are a lot of scary assholes in this subreddit so that's not right at all but feel free to be a smug shithead about me thats totally fine :)


That's pretty steep. I heard Crystal only charges $12.


Good call, lets all be jerks to each other.


It's still 20 minutes more than the ones I'm not paying.


Well all Americunts are fat as fuck. SEALS RULE!


Unicorn waffles is a pussy? Noooo!!!


Great that you agree, and likewise to all future Ks from you.


There is a book called "between shades of grey," and I believe it's about the Holocaust, correct me if I'm wrong.
EDIT: I suck dick at spelling.
EDIT 2: It's not about the Holocaust but it's in that time period.


Would be awesome. Give the Brits a little taste of the intensity of a game 7 in the Stanley Cup finals :)


It's from Game of Thrones, silly, that's Tyrone Lanistar!


> How is Star Lord even going to recognize his dad?


hundred duck sized horses!


Obviously there are very few religious nihilists...

Regardless of whether I agree there's quite clearly a logical argument there that even the average tabloid reader can grasp, so it's remarkable so many people here managed to misconstrue it.


That's fucking retarded.


*Might want to rethink posting to this subreddit.*


of course he did

in the shower 4 hours later


It's not hard to find sex, you know. I've done it more than one girl. If I couldn't get laid in a slut paradise like university, I would have already killed myself.


I don't get it either. She says he looks too much like her husband, and then calls him creepy and disgusting. Is it just me, or does she have some feelings to work out?


I'm not inventing a problem, and I sure as fuck will never leave the Benoit stuff alone.

I've learned my lesson though, next time I won't cut out the middle man.


Exactly, as a western society we don't undo our hard work by pandering to this bullshit

Edit: cheers boss


hopefully when I rip them off her ;-)

edit: wow! buried! I meant it purely consensually, hence the "hopefully". Have none of you had that great mutual feeling of rushing each other out of your respective clothes before? I didn't mean it in the slightest bit rapey.


>1.You must post the question in your title. Post your own reply in the comments, not in the title if you have one also.

OP follows rules of Askreddit!

Upvotes for OP.


The Reddiquette in here is truly heartwarming...

I imagine hundreds of right wing gun nuts downvoting with aggression...anger at that little down arrow!  Argh!


...That's called prison...


Wow, you're short, are you a jockey?

*sigh*


You have one bed for three cats and they all have to cram together also you forgot to throw away your trash on the right there or do you like keeping trash next to their only bed.


Like a breadcrumb trail of gayness?


Why would anybody watch this? I got a headache after only a few minutes.

Edit: Lol so many downvotes. Those 1 mil subs really showing their brigade potential huh?


IT WAS YOU! YOU STOLE MY CROWN! AND I *AM* BRITISH!


The fact that this is some form of official correspondence makes their incompetence that much more understandable.


93? Jesus, maybe we should all be taking daily uranium supplements.


Will do soon as I leave barber shop and get home.


ALL ABOARD THE UPVOTE TRAIN OF JUSTICE!

CHOO CHOO, MOTHERFUCKER


I disagree. Celebrating the goal is very disrespectful to the fans, not the manager. Van Gaal won't give a shit

edit: Jesus, you guys really hate the whole "respect for your old club" thing.


She needs quarters for laundry, and this is how you get them without going to the bank.   Crystal is a fucking genius.


Ha ha guys, DAE watch TV?


aren't you already invisible to women?


Well, that's too bad. I'm going to install a few more mods now.


Exactly.  Both are true.


That's an image macro.... oh wait I'm talking to idiots.

Edit: What have I done.


Your friend is a chubby chaser and didn't want you guys to make fun of him.


If only you gave up on life that quick! Ha.. I kid. No please don't. Oh god he has the knife now. I was kidding! And.. he's dead. Fuck.

EDIT - Classic reddit. Can't even take a joke.


I feel like a yellow PT cruiser would just be an extra-short short-bus...


Polic- yo broz ded man

mom- AAAHH WAT NUUUUU DX

you- WURST DAI EVER

polic- lol we tuk a snapedshit for u guys to see, shit was so cash

you- fuk u polic


I, as a sane, rational person, regardless of religion, wouldn't harm someone over a drawing.


Is it? Because that looks like a genuine smile. Humans are really good at distinguishing genuine smiles from fake smiles.


Everyone commenting is like "this is so irrelevant" but let me just tell you when you're 2 hours in to translating *Pro Archia* and Cicero is on his 25th fucking clause in *one sentence* you will wish you had a black market orator translator to help you out I'll tell you what's what
You stem nerds have no idea what we've been through... the things we've seen


Because it's really cringey.


"God Oscar, stop being such a *grouch*!"

"BITCH I LIVE IN A FUCKIN TRASH CAN!"


Sorry to burst your bubble but, they weren't real blasters.


CHEX. Chex Rice cereal. Yes, the most blandest cereal possible. I love cereal that tastes like cardboard. Yes, I know it's weird. My morning cereal is Chex, Almond Milk, and then I put in a bunch of berries - without fail!


>Got a big lead at the half? Let's take the 2nd half off and learn basic physics

FTFY


Aww fuck no, not in my thread.  NOTHING TO SEE HERE EVERYBODY.  MOVE ALONG.


Never really made it past Another Roadside Attraction myself.


Steps to giving a great handjob:
1. Take penis out
2. put mouth on penis


I would pay $1.00 for this on consoles


George likes him somma Jar Jar Binks.


YEAH, ME3's ENDING WASN'T PERFECT EA SUXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It was one of the BEST moments of my entire life. The Wayans are geniuses and it was my breakthrough in my acting career. I'll never forget it. That was the moment my life changed.


The Securities and Exchange Commission? I'm too white for this subreddit.

edit: sorry for asking? I don't follow college football


There was one, but it was deemed to be offensive.


I actually kind of liked *Rampart*.


"Yup. Mhm. Hmmm...

That is indeed an engine."


seriously this many upvotes? how many kiddies are on this subreddit...


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand f*ck you.


It makes sense. But seriously. he should have been out getting hammered and banging underage girls. COLLEGE WHOOOORAHH!


> non-sexual manor

So, like, the opposite of the Playboy Mansion.


This comment would be so much cooler if you were a dude from Ireland. But yeah, I'm sure you're right and some dude from Ireland is reading this and crying.


Again, no mathematician...


Why does it matter? The CEO of Coca Cola will put you in jail if you use the product without paying. The church CEO will let you go on your way. How does that change anything?


He put all his skillpoints into archery. His approach to min-maxing is insane, one time he tried to open a door and accidentally shot eight men in the face.


this needs to be top comment when this post starts gaining momentum.


"DoubleVixen has joined your party!"


Hmm. This reference would only be understood in /r/gaming. OP, you should have posted your comic there (-:

To further support my point, you have submitted a rage comic with **NINE** panels. Rage comics are supposed to have *four* panels (-:

OP, I am **downvoting** your post as it is in the wrong subreddit (-:

*upvote if you agree, Reddit!* :-D


Well Magneto would be closest to me with his helmet on; throwing bridges at anyone else who tried to get near. I'd be shouting bridge related puns.
"Cry me a RIVER!" *WHAM*
"Check THIS load bearing capacity!" *CRUNCH*

Edit: "Don't CROSS me!" "Looks like your ARCH-nemesis is....GIRDERS!" "Time to pay the TOLL!"

EDIT: Thanks for the gold I guess, but it makes a crap magnet. ;)


Does she really? She is a traitor for endangering the lives of troops and leaking secrets.


Knock knock.

Who's there?

I eat mop.

I eat mop who?

(Dissolve into immature laughter)


womans?

You do know that is not a word, right?


So that I don't have to search your name when I want to stalk you


Froggen is a joke and gets WAY too much credit. =(

This same delusion is the only thing keeping Riot from going under. I guess I should not expect much from people who are PC-based.

Have a downvote.


"What do you mean today?"


Wait.. Is this joke still funny?


Hmm, I wonder if they noticed THOU SHALT NOT STEAL in the same book.


if you saw the preceding 30 seconds, im not so sure you would feel that way


This guy thought he was a fucking genius.

"And they'll have to bring them to my house *forever*!"


dude this is sick. you guys need counseling

edit: why the downvotes? it sounds like their relationship has serious issues guys


http://i.imgur.com/MnPwv.png

[CL99 x Ruse = OTP 5ever]


Or, you know, regulators evaluated the deal on its merits and didn't see a compelling reason to block it.


So "windows XP" could also be interpretted as 'Windows Christ?"


And whatever you do, don't come to America. Fucking Jews are ruining this country, and it won't be long before we start doing something about it.


7 year olds are the wittiest people ever, never fail to amuse me!


That is called kidnapping! It is likely someone else's dog who loves it and they would be worried about what has happened to it because fuck heads like you exist, who think animals are just items.

edit: well apparently Reddit loves cats but hates dogs


I TINK DAT DIS ID A GOOD TEST TO SEE IF SOMEONE ID STIL DA VIRGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#YOLO


If you choose to remain on reddit and comment, turn to page 54.

If you choose to log off and go make a sandwich, turn to page 99.


I dont know but being so much disrespectful in a tournament organized to promote esport is out of my mind. The result is just that esport cant be consider seriously with this kind of behaviour. I just hope Forsen will change his mentality or serious tournament organizer should stop inviting him.


Your mom had no complaints.


I have no reason to lie about my sex life on the Internet. I'm not slaying pussy every weekend, but it's not like I haven't managed to get fucked a few times while I've been on this planet.


I love having a day in the bathroom.


I used to be the best kind of troll, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


There's a common nomadic tribe that eats zippers. They accomplish this task by helping each other break down the zippers using only their lips. While they are performing this task, they cannot speak. So in order to communicate they must take their lips off of another person's zipper. I hope this helped.


Hey, we told you when we brought you on that moderating [/r/guns](/r/guns) is serious business, and that it would require a certain amount of sacrifice on your part.

It's not our fault you were "training" out of state or whatever.


In the words of Pam, "You could drown a toddler in my panties right now."


I'm a bath, not a jacuzzi.


...and that's why we don't let women drive, vote, go out in public, work, or attend university

 -- Saudia Arabia

Edit: thank you for the gold, kind redditor!


You do realize mod means moderator, not supreme being, correct? Newsflash, I have a gamut of emotions, because I'm a fucking human.


Don't want your parents to come up and all of sudden you have to explain to them why there's a baby couch in the living room.


Hey guys, what's going on here?


At least there was no incest in this one.


LOL It's funny, I have no idea what she looks like. It's just reddit.


Isn't proofread one word?

Edit: HOLY SHIT I GOT GOLD! THANK YOU KIND REDDITOR!
Also, this comment alone more than doubled my overall karma. This is crazy. Thanks you guys.


I find it pretty interesting how atheists are the one hated minority that you're allowed to make fun of in the US.


> he says he doesn't like sharing things

This line killed me.


and now theres a finger in your butt and the whole thread is derailed.


had you used the correct grammar for this sentence and wrote "men" instead of "mans" i might have not downvoted. this way i have to, sorry.


Whats up fuck face? Glad you were able to stop masturbating long enough to hang out with me.

Like that?


LOL TER REDITER IS LE WITTY!
LE UPBAOT LE FUNY!


Old people can't keep their dry, lilac-scented hands off me.  Man, do old people ever love Jeopardy.  I can't go anywhere in public where there might be old people, like Hallmark stores or cemeteries.


Haha hey Raw.

/r/GallowBoob

Talk about common denominator comments.


naked - not naked - naked - not naked - naked - not naked - naked ...

/Edit: So undressing in public gets you gold

Thank you lewd stranger


Asian imaginations are as flat as their faces, they should refrain from interviewing aryans.


Why bother with throwing bridges at Xavier? Just have Magneto use some scrap metal to construct a flight of stairs in front of him.

EDIT: thanks for the gold kind stranger! I'm glad my handicapped humor could bring joy to so many...


Nowhere did I say her tweet was demanding.

Also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comedic_device#Hyperbole.2C_or_Overstatement


> My mom has been telling this story for twenty years now.

  That's like, 2 words a year.


No it's called a red ring if it does that your Xbox is pretty much done for.


don't forget the Islamic republic of Birminghamistan


DOWNVOTES INCOMING

The downvote brigade [/r/SubredditDrama](http://www.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/r2lix/minor_rcanada_drama_as_ratheism_performs_a/) has this thread in their sights.


Shut up Mr. Responsible.


don't forget to add:

*Normal voice with gay lisp:*...


TIL there is no santa or tooth fairy. I am 6 AMA.
edit: this really blew up! thanks for the gold! first time ever!!


To be fair, it's mostly the costume and makeup.  After that he pretty much just read the lines.

EDIT: Hey, I hit 100 downvotes.  Thanks for participating, everyone.  Your feedback is very much... incorrect.

EDIT: So predictable.  Now people are upvoting me to "take away" my 100 downvotes.  What's your next move, reddit?  Have you already lost?


> !00 km

Nice to see someone remembered the obscure "number capitalization" rules of English.


Messi: Fucking Enrique. I would've gone with Pep Guardiola, at least he brought a Barca style of play


http://i.imgur.com/RupuCxB.jpg

Edit: e-e-e-eee-eee-e!


you're such a fucking ugly loser without any decent or even original style

everything about you reeks of trying too hard


Yea I'd turn that one down too


>I'll never be able to watch Jimi Hendrix play live.

I'll bet you anything at some point in the not-too-distant future VR will take care of this. It won't be actually live, but I don't see how it couldn't be 99% as good, especially if you add drugs.