Why the bad words?  I am only telling you what I see.


You're right, that was fun.


Ok puke, whatever you say.


I remember when I took the SATs a few years ago, we had to rewrite this paragraph in cursive.
I feel like I was the loser who couldn't write because it took me like 10 minutes to write that shit out.

I hate cursive. And I hate reading cursive.


yeah, it was fucked up when he had Sansa stripped and beaten left and right.  It also made me really mad when Robb and Catelyn got murdered at the Red Wedding, but I suppose that is unrelated.


That may be a bit too extreme


I don't know how to put this, syd - but you missed out on the chance with some sex with an Olympian. I don't know whether you're a man or woman, but it should still fill (heh) you with regret


so, ALL people who talk in absolutes are bad..? HMMMM?


r/ShitRedditSays is leaking again !


"YES!"

"Dave, what the fuck?"

"I... I had an urge to say that for some reason."

"Whatever, man."

*Sixteen years later...*

*Dave is browsing reddit, when he stumbles upon this thread. As he reads it, he senses that something is off. Something he can't quite put his finger on. He frowns, and keeps reading.*

*Then he realizes.*

*That Dave is you.*

*It's you, Dave.*


Once you gain the ability to distinguish between a joke and sincere racism, as well as get a sense of humour, you will live a much happier life.


that's the lowest estimate I've ever seen


Technically you would be the one who is bringing up the notion of an insult, where as OP is merely presenting the images and a caption. So nice try, good guy greg, but you appear to be just as scummy as the rest of us.


Does she know that isn't the goddamn same?


You deserve top comment.


and little girls grow up to be twats


˙ʇuǝɯʇɹɐdǝp lɐuoıʇɐsɹǝʌuoɔ ǝɥʇ uı ɹǝʇʇǝq sɐʍ ʎluıɐʇɹǝɔ ʇıppǝɹ plO˙˙˙ʍoʍ

edit: why the hate everyone?  i was just proving clamdoctor's point :(


Pro-tip: If a girl says you're adorable, she doesn't want to fuck you.


Sorry for your loss, but if you fell for it you'd look pretty dumb, dontcha think?


You can use Japan as proof of anything being a fetish. I think Japan should just be call Rule 34 Island.


How often do you play with a camera in your pocket?


*Hello, FBI?  Yes, I would like to report the location of the fugitive /u/MGLLN.  Yes, that's right, I understand there's reward?  Yes?  Well, he's on Reddit right now, if you hurry you can catch him before he logs off...*


Long story short, JVG has a *long* term vendetta against the Bulls.


That's the whole point you guys! This is reddit at its best!


Girl appears to be... 13ish.

Or am I missing a joke?

Edit: You confuse me Reddit. [She probably was 13ish.](http://www.museevirtuel-virtualmuseum.ca/edu/ViewLoitDa.do?method=preview&lang=EN&id=13006)


This reply is too cute I don't even know how to respond to it.


yeah this is the internet, this is the time and place


I'm circumcised and I don't use lube


"reddiqutte"..... I like it!


Did you just believe somebody on the internet without any proof?


Creatine really has no place in rowing. It is designed to help build mass by swelling your muscles with water and the nutrients that come with it. The first month is nothing but water weight and you're only going to see results if you're lifting heavy and focusing on max-reps and pump. Pretty useless for a rower. Whey protein/casein are much better alternatives


The year is currently 2015. If you dial 0 on your phone can you really reach an operator? Afraid to try it because AT&T might send me a $50 bill for it.


I never said your family was bizarre.  I said you had no business walking into your parents bedroom at 18 years old.  You had to know that at the time.  You really, really should acknowledge it by now.


Must have been that damn triangle aga


Because America has more faults than good qualities currently? Therefore deserves the criticism.


If you tell anyone about this I will slit your fucking throat :D


Dude, Ill crack a joke whenever the lab I want!


Not unless his intestines somehow go into his skull.


yes. I have everything figured out.


This all checks out. You are Dragonborn! Not bearborn.


No your the problem, allow your wife to find someone better for the next kid.


It even said "it can be as simple as you want."


Can you get your money back?  Maybe accuse a dead priest of touching you once?  Most of the New Testament was written in the 1st Century A.D..


Would laugh, but I can't, cause am kill.


If you are too dumb to understand the *fundamental difference* in those situations, I am not going to waste my time attempting to explain it to you.


it's like when you are in a traffic jam.  it ends somewhere, right?  *somebody* has open road in front of them.  if everyone just sped up simultaneously....


Example of how you're wrong : "what's wrong with voter Id laws? Everyone has a drivers license and it was no trouble to get! "-- "wow that's just your privilege talking. "
The only way to begin to address how you are wrong is to point out that you are only viewing the issue (voter ID) from a privileged position.


What sound does a piano make when you drop it on an army base?

A flat major.


That sounds disgusting and I'd punch anyone in the mouth who would say that to one of my daughters. What do you want me to say? I'm sorry that Asia's culture is starkly different? Do you know how bad the sex crimes are in Korea and Japan? I'm not taking advice from any of those cultures and you wouldn't either if you saw the relevant demographic charts.


I agree.  if we want and claim equality, we have to walk the walk.


Hahaha. I support you turtle. Fuck this cunt, who can't afford food, but can afford internet, and a computer/phone.


Actually, go to the hospital first. *They* will call the police.

EDIT: By the way, OP, I am *so sorry this happened to you*.

EDIT 2: OP, I am proud of you.


The key difference here is that **she deserves it.**


In case anyone doesn't know, that's Melody Hensley. She is a femenist tumblr blogger who claims that mean tweets gave her PTSD. She's a cunt


Black people are people too, you ignorant fuck.


YEAH!
Wow this was really fast.
2 min.
Thank you!


Why do African women look so pug faced compared to all other blacks.


...

Fuck.

*Fuck*.


I don't know, I've had sex with ugly women before just because I was in the mood and they were there and said yes, but I've also done it just cause I felt like they deserved to be thrown a bone too.


Was this the plot of an unaired episode of The IT Crowd?


I just upvoted it.

They clearly don't understand Reddit.  Its an innocent mistake IMHO


How do you know whether he really is 45?


You don't know bruised unless you've used the traditional ball, which is woven rattan wood. I was bleeding. But such a good game.


I don't know what's worse, hearing someone speak each letter or hearing them sound it out ("Lawl!").


It's listed above.  Read through the comments.


You never [hang up](http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/askville/1074208_7488421_mywrite/cr64_black.jpg) your cell phone?


Do you guys even patchnote? :P

brawl was bugged quite some time. The last minion played used to win 100%. It was a bugg.


Honestly, he doesn't need the BBC and could afford to do better as a private production company.


Trying way too fucking hard


Scumbag brain: Blames the body instead of itself.


X pls is part of the gooby pls meme.


Lisa needs teeth stuff!


No, it doesnt. Looks like it might have made a good photo. Unfortunately, you didn't.


I think he goes by the name Ron Paul now.

http://imgur.com/fCx1Z


>I agree with them

LOL. You are apart of SRS. I have all of you tagged through RES using this [guide](http://www.reddit.com/r/SRSsucks/comments/111rsl/how_to_tag_all_srsers_through_reddit_enhancement/).


That's why I buy 2% and pour 98% of it down the drain.  I just want that precious, bottom of the carton milk.


the self-loathing is strong with this one


you should hang out at 4chan.

edit: you shouldn't hang out at 4chan.


ay foo lemme get some tamales n shit holmez


I'm just imagining having so much money you can get people to do anything you want...and you use that power to have fruit loops-crusted french toast and all-you-can-drink mimosas. It's a beautiful image.


Screw that.

Only console kiddies and mactards choose style over substance.

PC.

That's all you need to know.


Ayup. A boy I went to theater school with got hit by a car when he was about 11. The nurse had been on the clock for like 12 hours already, and she read the request for 4.5 cc of morphine as 45 cc.

Luckily, the mistake was caught right away, so instead of dying, the kid just spent 6 months in a coma and the year after waking up in a wheelchair. He never could sing after that, either.


You just HAD to gay it up with anime, didn't you?


Been there. Your friends were Gods of their own kind.


Yes I agree, maybe a picture with it next to you....while you are taking a shower....


The procedure is supposed to be that you walk into a station, request a complaint form, and you are given one.


Bro how are they gonna realize the community doesn't agree with them then? Thats what the downvotes tell them. if we upvote it they think we like what they say in that comment


Treat Australia like pokemon. Avoid tall grass, water and desert areas, and you probably won't meet too much that you don't want to.


you sir... get an up vote


Guessing you're not a Chili Peppers fan...


ERMAHGERD LORGHBORTOMY.


She's young, We try not to sexualize her.


IRAN IS NOT ARAB FAGGOT.

DOWNVOTE THIS MAN. HE INSULTED MY RACE.


Hagrid, yer pushin' me over the fuckin' liiiiine!


The "victims" can only be proven liars so many times before they aren't believed any more. It's a proven fact that these people get busted threatening themselves all the time. Have none of you heard of the boy who cried wolf? You can't blame people for not taking their bullshit seriously after all that.


Haha, thanks buddy, but maybe next time you'll stop being such a manipulatable buffoon and downvote or upvote someone based on the quality of their post, not their username. You pathetic mindless sheep.


**QUICK! LE DOWNBOAT THIS!!!!**


nah, he'd never expect Marie. The meth is blue, not purple.


Not being a member of any political party as well as having a severe hate for universal healthcare, I died laughing at this.


Thanks for answering. For reference: [Barnum Effect, or the Forer Effect](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barnum_effect).

TL;DR: They're full of shit.


I found this hilarious, but how is it getting upvotes?

Based on the voting system I've concluded that ~ 70% of reddit is gay, and about that racist as well.


No. We would either a) recoil in horror or b) politely try to ignore you because it would be rude to stare at you and honestly what the fuck am I supposed to do nobody tells me ad I'm too afraid to ask anyone with physical handicaps/deformities.


The games man. Have a problem with the way the game is? Perfecly fine, post it and we will never remove it. What Jay Wilson said on facebook about the previous developer? Not here.


my plan is to be an asshole to everyone i know so they won't feel sad when i die.


How does that even remotely relate to your gimmick nick?


Fuck, I feel so stupid right now :(.


Well as long as you breast fed your cat after squirting her out of your vagina, then I suppose it's an accurate term.


We were rejected by our community and they kept distance from us.


You don't know what psychopath means


Sounds like real life


And yet if she got pregnant, you liberals are quick to blame the baby for it and murder it.  Talk about blaming the victim


~50000. I don't observe much street reactions; mostly old ladies murmuring when I pass by.

I had at least one kid, aged 8 or something, ask me to teach them to be a hitman, Léon-style. I told him that there is a special hitman course at the last grade of high school for kids that have the highest grades. I think he bought it.


OMG ARE U SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? THIS WHOLE SUBREDDIT IS A JOKE NOBODY ACTUALLY BELIEVES ANY OF THIS WERE ALL BEING IRONIC HERE

GO TO HELL YOU SICK FUCK


I want to go to a massage therapist, get a boner, and try that line. Ill go to dozens and get chucked out many a time till finally one goes for the old happy ending, at which point i will freak out and yell "NO. I want you to karate chop my thigh!"


print a 15/15 sliver with anni six. Slivrakul the Sliver's sliver


Ah that explains it, my dealer doesn't use prescription bottles.


I am just trying to get redditors to follow the rules... But since the majority of reddits community is a bunch of premature kids it doesn't seem to work that well and they just follow the stream, just like you.

Sees a downvoted comment and decides to downvote it even more because why not?


The joke is on you! I work in a plastic factory and we all rub our dicks on every piece of plastic before it leaves the factory!


No fuck dumb-asses in America with no education, skills, or training like you. Don't blame American for your failure at life.


If you're a girl, awesome.

If you're a guy, I agree.


So you think you're hot shit now that you're famous right? [FUCK YOU!!!!!!](http://i.imgur.com/Mh9NZ.gif)


I saw an upvoted comment there the other day about how fat people who have lost weight still deserve disrespect because they got fat in the first place. Theyre the very definition of bullying.


Losing an arm in a mill accident does not make you a badass, it makes you a dumbass. You only think he is a badass because you are a dumbass as well.


I agree. Preferably expensive ones that can be sold for a lot of money.


No, I bequest you to stop using metaphors like those as it sets me apart from the rest of the human race. I am a normal decent human being, you all are just somewhat departed in terms of morals and competence.


Yer a Blizzard, Dairy


Sadly he is pissed because they use nylon string to pull his leg.

Dogs aren't as stupid as cats.

Edits: judging from the downvotes, it looks like cat owners aren't any better than their pets.


I CAN TASTE THE BUBBLES!


You're not, you just think you are. Beards: a way for unattractive men to cover half their face and feel like they are somehow more important than they actually are.


I opt for the mid-step stop/freeze pivot on both feet and continue walking as if what just happened was uninterrupted walking. I like to give people around me something to think about.


That might have been true 20-30 years ago, but today, real antisemites are increasingly common, very bold, and utterly vicious about their hate.  Unless they are shot down by all, they just keep getting worse.


Close I manage a driving range, batting cage, minigolf and gym facility.


Hahahahaha, join us and our ridiculously-long-winded-running-gag


How to ruin your favourite song in one easy step.

The only thing worse is using it for your morning alarm.


Help him out of what? He's coding, not being stuck in a box.


"Don't start anything, but end it if you have to."

I miss my dad.


Most males are sexually hyper and can't be trusted around infants. Is it really remarkable that people wonder just what a parent is thinking when they lay their kid in a lion's open mouth?


And here in the United States, we don't even need the cats.

That's what the VA is for.

EDIT: Jesus, gold? It really goes to show the state of affairs that it struck such a chord with people. Good luck to all the vets out there- hope it gets a little better for you folks.


True story. I have to earn my right to be here everyday.


He has diabetes and his legs are literally starting to die and rot. When it progresses to a certain point you lose all feeling in your extremities. It's not uncommon for people who neglect their condition to end up with amputations.


That happened against me the other day. I doubt be enjoyed my whoops emote. If only he could have seen the wry smile that crept across my face.


A comeback that:

1) insults the french

2) is based on history

3) doesn't involve violating someone's mother

This is by far the best comeback here.


**whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooosh**

Did you bother to read the rest of the comment, you fucking retard.


The product team is telling me this is going to be addressed.  It probably won't go away completely, but it should show up less.


Copyright is US Federal law.


He said he was going to, can't get mad when he was blatantly honest about it.

Edit: Yay. Highest voted comment, thank you blah blah blah. When do I get gold?

Edit 2: Waited 2 years for this shit and still don't know what to do, better start following the yellow brick road.


An apostrophe can be used to distinguish plurals [in special cases] where it might not be too obvious, and is usually up to one's discretion.

edit: []


As time goes on, I'm starting to suspect that we never will. Charles is getting on a bit now.


Xddddddd leme.me du le internê¡¡!1!!


this. It took 4 people, and you could only come up with 536 words? what education facility do you attend? the University of Potato?


wow please never try your hand at modern urban black american english again


Hey I'm a dude and was going to say heiress.

Because being a walking winning lottery ticket is pretty fantastic all else aside.


HOLY SHIT

THE GOOD NEWS IS SHE SURELY WASN'T STOLEN AND SHOULD STICK OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB

GOOD LUCK TO YOU


The mythical beverage bender. He may be the last of his kind.


ERMAHGERD, DREUNK PERPEL HERTEL SWERMERN


My fucking family was killed by an Internet drive by, don't joke about that shit.


r/politics isn't biased, someone will always call out any biases. Just we hate the GOP because its full of neckbeards.


No way! If I had done that, I'd never have gotten a picture of a midget grabbing my junk!

http://imgur.com/a/YZ1CT#1

Seriously was the biggest it's ever looked. Was like an anaconda pressed up against a plate glass window in her lil hand...


Oh you people are so sweet, it's simply cute reading through all you half - wits' wisdom.


They auto-reply "that's so funny" to every post in r/funny. That'll surely help the karma grow.


Even a stopped clock is correct twice a day. The world is a much worse place having her have been born into it.


Found this gem on Youtube. Here is the funny comment circled.


this guy speaks the truth but as it seems oversensitive jinrotard couldnt handle it.. awwww ;/


"You know, I'm technically classified as emotionally disturbed."

I think that's going to be my new pickup line.


Thank you cause I really wanted to report that as spam.


ken jeong has a 3rd nipple just over his left ear but his hair covers it up. and while i haven't seen Jim since he won his oscar, he has been leaving me really offensive voicemails.


Some may think this is a novelty account, but no, I used this long before the Miami face eater.


This wasn't done *for the pope*.

This was done for the rest of the world (not) to see.


Not sure what state you are in, but I make residual income from people paying for electricity. We are in tx, Georgia, pennsylvania, maryland, and new jersey. I can pm you more info when i get home.  Once I'm making 2k/mo, I can quit my job and work on getting it to 6k+/mo


I hope you don't mind but i have one more piggy-back. http://i.imgur.com/OTGHy.jpg


Get the fuck off Reddit, newfag. You're the reason this site is going to shit.


You shouldn't call them plants.  Just because they smoke doesn't make them any less human...


So?  They brought it, illegally.


Exactly.  Pic 2 is reddit gold.


If she is so much a feminist that she would make it her college major...which category do you think she falls under?  Besides, women already have the same freedoms and rights of men.  In many places, they have advantage.  Therefore, any feminist is an extremist at this point.


Mom called the dog Stephen the other day. I'm Stephen. The dog isn't even a boy.


Are you fucking retarded? They are public servants.


you'd think toxicbox would like the smell of farts but reddit is always full of surprises


Exactly why listening to djWheat, TotalBiscuit, or any of the other gold league casters is so painful

EDIT: Yes. Yes. Bring on the Downvotes. [They're like vitamins to us.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nV5ZcYJjTxs)


Not to mention "for the kids" is often a convenient excuse for being too much of a coward to leave someone, so you use some patched up excuse while teaching that child what "healthy" adult relationships are like.


That's not how comments work.
you're meant to elaborate.


You DIDN'T go to Jared?  Well I guess you can just go die in a fire.  Those commercials are so obnoxious.


It's so weird that short people keep using the same excuse. I'm like "at least face the fact that you're short or give a  better reason".


TIL Tracy Morgan's mother is a redditor.

EDIT: redditer-->redditor, because I'm stupid.


Probably wouldnt change too many people opinions honestly. Its not like someone would be walking along and be like "boy I sure am on the fence about legalization... wait a minute, a pot leaf on a rock? Well thats enough reason for me to be against it I guess.

Also just say non-smoker. Youre only an "ent" if you identify yourself with /r/trees and decide to label yourself that.


I don't know what I just read, but I'm wishing I were Dave now.


No, you still wouldn't be able to match our line. The cowboys are hungry and they'll eat your dline up.


If they were they didn't share.


So, the very beginning of season 7 I assume? And plus, that season has been over for the better part of a year, if people are really that worried about spoilers, don't come to the subreddit.

Edit: Butthurt little babies up in this bitch.


Easier to fit in the butt I guess.


Black people cannot be British anymore than a British person can be African.


only top my wife, she gets a little moist when i do such things, dont tell i said that tho , NOOOOTCCHHH


What does that have to do with anything? Seriously... I have no idea. As soon as I posted the last comment I took a screen shot. Check out the other ones, they took place hours before


No no, its "No one says this, but you * hicc* you are *SO* good at cursive.


facebook tagging? seriously? maybe you wouldn't be such a loser, F.A.G., if you stopped spewing bullshit out of your mouth.

edit: oh my god, the downvotes [](/rmilk)


A dildo and baconlube. Cuz I'm a juggalo fo' lyfe, son. woop woop.


Why is she a whore besides your own hate for women?

e: Your comment wasn't nearly as funny when I started nitpicking it. Be funny the first time from now on so I don't have to look like the jackass.


Oh yeah baby, this is how The Dark Knight Rises...


I am contributing. I'm contributing clarity to the top rated comment that suggests the dude is angry because his wedding proposal got rejected.

I'd imagine his vitriol has a lot more to do with his aborted son/daughter


Hmm... Colon Blow. Sounds delicious.


Why are Dreamatoriums green? Why are all cats female? You'll go mad asking yourself those kinds of questions.


They caught the shark off the beach, That stretch of beach is known for its good shark fishing.

See the blood in its mouth? Thats from the hook

Most shark fishermen (in the US at least) use Catch and release, as you see in this video

For those downvoting me, in the description it says:

"Great White Caught off ninety mile beach SEASPRAY"


who cares already, it sucks. drop it.

wait for blade and soul.


Holy fuck. That is not what I thought it meant. When I was a youngster playing RuneScape, I was told it meant "Fight For Saradomin". Whenever I saw that, I thought the person was making a RS joke.


> I take a 12-gauge defender shotgun

As a Canadian, I just vomited. What is wrong with you paranoid Americans that you feel the need to be armed to the teeth everywhere you go? So glad I live in a civilised society. Here you would be considered a right-wing fringe lunatic and shunned if you did something like this.


Don't forget the movie 300 with Scottish and Irish accents too.


Sorry to have upset you so easily, how do you manage being on the internet being so thin-skinned?


No he's a mercenary. You're thinking of a catheter.


but...then that means...


Problem is, most of us "natural women" don't feel like we can meet the crazy expectations men have for us, even when made up, in our favorite outfits, etc. Most guys who say they love women who are natural mean women who are naturally hot, not a normal woman.


You, sir, have deserved my hard-earned upvote.


It doesn't matter if he came to see you. To make a living, you have to take your clothes off for generally nasty dudes.

I'm sure he's feeling *real* bad about that. Oh yeah and:

>I have over $120,000.00 saved in investments

OMG OVER $120K? I TAKE IT BACK YOU ARE EXTREMELY SUCCESSFUL

btw [nice backfat](http://i.imgur.com/Zizjw.jpg)

LOL.


I know! I was thinking, "Wow. Why haven't I tried this? Oh...metal...microwave..."


Feel better now?  You had an episiotomy and they stitched you back up, nice and tight, just like your man paid extra for.

This is the internet, not church group.


Yeah, well, that's cos no-one has the appropriate foot tattoo


The Christian that made this is a bigot. He hates everyone who is of other religion (including Jews) and probably sees them as arrogent assholes. Therefor Jewishly = Arrogently. According to OC


Third rule of Paint Club: Someone yells stop, runs out of paint, dabs out,
the job is over.

Fourth rule: only two guys to a paint job.

Fifth rule: one painting at a time, fellas.

Sixth rule: no shirts, no shoes.

Seventh rule: Paints will go on as long as they have to.

And the eighth and final rule: If this is your first night at Paint Club, you have to Paint.


Vad hemskt att de vill lösa riktiga problem i samhället! Politiker borde syssla med frågor som: "Hur långt i från vägen får träden stå?"


Wow... This is so fucked up, yet SO great


###CHEST EXXPLOOODDEERRR!!!!!! AAAIEE!!! BBBRRLLAAAPPSPPLUARGGHHHHHH!!!!! AAARRIIGGHHEEEE!!!!!! *GNASH GNASH TEETH* YESS!!! HAVE KIDS!!! MOAR FUN!!!!! yay !


I feel like this took legit planning in advance, which makes it funnier.

How would they know if the scene ended while being blindfolded by their own socks??


It's fake. 4chan has started making these fake threads for 3 weeks.


Right??? The girl was getting so much hate because she was proving to women that they're men were dogs, but when its a guy helping other guys, woohoo! Highfive! What a slut!

Such bullshit.

If someone has enough suspicion to hire a PI, they probably either can't admit it to themselves, or need it for court. I support both of these PIs in they're schemy endeavors.


Unfortunately i think more people know what armani is and what a banana can also be than what "punani" is...


My grandparents walked out on 12 Monkeys
>I came here to watch a movie about monkeys.


Mo' like YOLOLOLOLOLOL


Tips on how to become hobo.

£2


Who the fuck is David Tennant? He isn't in Doctor Who. Tired of fangirls adding fanfiction lore into my subreddits.

PS. This is indeed a fuck you to everyone who is too thick not to distinguish an actor from our beloved Doctor. Can't wait till I see more "Wish Tennant was at the Olympics posts." HUEHUE Circlejerk.


Shock factor, I love it.  She got me one time with "how am I too fat for these earrings?"

I couldn't hold composer. It was too good.

Edit. To

Edit 2 . I WILL FUCK YOU ALL UP!! Lol


Wow, really? Again, Fuck Gronk.

Didn't realize I posted on the Patriots subreddit


As a non gun-owner:

NO SHIT.


You take commenting to a whole other level. You basically repeated everything everybody else has said but turned it into an auto biography of your life. Seriously bro not cool.


She basically used sexism in an attempt to make him look bad/creepy on national television. What a bitch.


Apparently everyone in Norway knows each other. But that sucks seriously


I learned the Socratic paradox from Bill and Ted.


This is the first time I have ever seen the word "crap" used on reddit.. I must say you pull it off quite well.


For future reference (op's situation has happened to me, minus artwork covered in shit), there should be a water hose running to the toilet from the wall, it should have a knob on it. Turn that knob right until the valve shuts, and ta da, no more water means no overflow is possible.


Mate, we're persecuted on this sub regardless.


I'm Mexican and I laughed. Hahaha...  [I still downvoted you though](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/003/878/1237917779613a.jpg?1284764479)


Ford could offer it as an optional add-on.

Did that even occur to you before you called this man stupid for trying to counter the mistakes of some awful parents who leave their kids in the car?


Your dad was hot at 25.


You have nothing interesting to say. Why speak?


True story, I used youtube to learn how to tie a tie because I didn't know my Dad.


Here's a tip, don't go to a famously out of control giant party full of drunk assholes. Don't want to get mugged? Don't walk through the bad part of the city at midnight flashing your bling.

downvote if you want, and its unfortunate, but most of this can be avoided by not putting yourself in these situations.


Fucking preschoolers on reddit


The secret thing was a deadmau5 skin. Quite disappointing.


It just ... kept going.... I mean, someone had to edit all of that together without blowing their brains out, and stood back, looked at it and said "yes, this is good, release this"....someone did that...WITHOUT shooting themselves in the fucking face....incredible.


I could easily use the word butt as a term of reference for my delivery, but as you seem *decent* ( unlike the rest of the fags here ) I will refrain from lowering the quality of your thread.

Edit: *rest of the fuckin' fags here.


I'm sorry you had to deal with my dad.


MY DADDY SAYD DAT YOU A FATTIE MONSTA GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!


Both. You can clearly see here that he punched him http://imgur.com/ahnXU88


I guess it's true what they say, internet is serious business!


Bullshit.  I bet it was [Pert Plus 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner](http://www.google.com/products/catalog?q=pert+plus+2+in+1+shampoo&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=16353170755898379147&sa=X&ei=6IEYT5LoAYna0QGL68TLCw&ved=0CHgQ8gIwAw), you filthy liar.


They're not as poor as we portray them to be.

Of course poverty is an issue there, but their rate of poverty and  homelessness isn't much higher than here in the U.S.


Lucky he didn't get shot for having some "stupid ass car I done can't drive."


Get used to it man, it's going to happen more and more often.


Shitty_Watercolour commented on one of my posts. This is the proudest moment I've ever had as a redditor.


I chose this flair based on who I am rooting for right now.  I am a Bears fan, but am rooting for the Pats for the rest of the way.


he's RPG, he can post anywhere and get karma


I'm glad you posted twice so I could downvote you twice for vomiting up such a tired and unfunny meme


don't stick your dick in crazy


It looks as not much was loss.

It looks as if he's been cleaned to the bone, baby! :D


"Oh god he's on to us, we can't let him leave here alive."


Sounds like you need some hairbrush.


This is fun: http://imgur.com/uL53p


Also because he was only culturally relative for about a decade


And still, we're made up of mostly empty space.


Im upset to..... That he didnt break it.


It's insulting. It's like they don't think were capable of analyzing these things


Which is bad because...?

Who did I harm? Did I hurt even a single person, physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially?


Well first off, it's spelled constellation. Secondly, I appreciate all of the cosmos in it's vast, near/possible infinity.


Quite the opposite. I actually got choked up, which is saying a lot for me. I love my father to death. He was an amazing father, the most important person in my life besides my mom.  I fear for how his death is going affect me. Its going to be bad.


That's okay. I didn't feel like enjoying the video anyway.


You are literally retarded. Kill yourself, faggot.


I felt a tear drop of empathy at the fact that the OP's story involves how he gets super boner time from something slight, and your story is about coding your cell phone to avoid getting chewed out.

I need to buy you a beer.


i like the walking dead and want to read/talk about it with others on reddit. bring nerds together, don't push 'em apart.


You're getting better...stop it.


My point was that the police in my city have better things to do than waiting to give tickets for minor traffic violations when people are literally getting shot in that same neighborhood.


I can honestly tell, 1% tastes waterier. 2% is creamier and thicker.

Edit: I didn't mention Whole Milk because tinabear's comment had nothing to do with Whole Milk. She was just talking about the difference between 1% and 2%. That being said Whole Milk is also delicious, but being raised on 2% it will always have a place in my heart.


A man of the people with a seven figure salary. He was a shepherd of sheeple, nothing more.


The chicken, eggs can't come.


My girlfriend says to tell you that she can employ memes however she damn well pleases, and to GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN!!!


Your mom sounds amazing


Thats such a stupid excuse, because you dont even have any numbers to go by. He has more fans across the world that happen to speak English, like myself, im not English but i do speak it. Noob thats just wishfull thinking on your behalf.


(he started singing Hoodie Allen - You Are Not a Robot)


How about you don't criticize people for doing what makes them happy? Besides smoking makes him look cooler and sexier. No homo of course.


I saw this comment before it was at the top, so there.

Edit4: Got rid of other edits

[](/raritydress "Secret edit for all you pony lovers out there")


Her vanity caused her to put herself in that picture unnecessarily. If she just wanted a picture of herself that's fine but adding it so she'll get praise and upvotes from lonely ents is vanity.


I smell a Lifetime movie of the week.

Love Thy Neighbor: A Story of the Ultimate Be*Trey*al.


Last I checked, jerking it to child porn was indeed against the law.


yeah! how do we do that?! i don't know how the hell this things works!


I'm not going to let a few downtokes bother me :)


I am a religious person. I made a lot of deals with god that i will keep my faith.  one of the main reasons that I will keep my faith and to see that my faith...i believe in the 10 commandments and to spread the teaching of the bible.  I am not here to convert other people but I am not going to give up the faith of 4000 year because of Hamens and Hitlers and ant-semites


Um ... couldn't he just pick up the tortillas a little later? Not like he was cooking them at 5. He was just picking up and delivering.

Not to mention he's probably not even a US citizen.

WORST. UNDERWRITER. EVER.


You misspelled "rare" which is a common mistake after typing the word "medium." *cough*


Liverpool play in Europe on Thursday, this was not a meaningless game for them..


This is the truth.

/r/relationships draws its userbase *solely* from people looking for relationship advice. Blind leading the blind.


You're a fucking asshole.


I wish more states had Castle doctrine.


Haha yaa, or "I choose you!" lol.  Hi from youtube! This plce is the coooolest <3 <3 <3


This happened to me with a carton of orange juice. One second I had it...the next second I couldn't find it anywhere. I left for work and a couple hours later my roommate texted me with a picture of the OJ in a random cabinet in the kitchen. No idea why I did that.


Already been through it, got out of it, got knocked back in it, and am now in a position to never have to, but thanks, I love you too


Never change, Reddit.


Wrong show, Matlock.

edit: 59 downvotes?!! To what do I owe this honor?

edit 2: Perhaps an explanation of the joke is in order. Matlock_ here made a reference to Urkel from Family Matters, based on what he viewed in the gif. I told him that he had the wrong show, because Matlock is a different show from Family Matters.


That moment where they were smiling over him slurping his spaghetti was oddly adorable


Oh you personally dont fault sase at all? Well Im glad he gets ur seal of approval


Japanese people are constantly ripped off. Real estate prices are insane.


Have you stopped to think that I may be the owner of one of those blogs??


??

"wait" is not an adjective. you cannot be more or less "wait".


They were just testing that belt to see if it was actually worth the $3.


Did it take you morons much thought to post the same old shit for the umpteenth time? Reddit is like call and answer sometimes. Maybe you could think of something that isn't an instant and tired response to post when you see the word 'moose'.


HR to Boss: "So what's the reason for dismissal?"

Boss: "...He spilled my coffee."


Sorry, but men's rights is not a hateful or mysogynist subreddit!

Victim blaming is unacceptable, but false accusations are a real issue, too.


His sacrifice was not in vain.


thanks for the very in-depth recap.  now i don't have to read it!  you're still a newfag, however. maybe you should learn how to speak english too, then read it back to me you ape. XDD


When a girl working retail asks you for help, what they really mean is that they find you physically attractive.  Remember, girls are interested in guys who take charge and show an animal-like appreciation for their physical beauty.  Next time one of them asks if you need something, quickly turn around and grab at their breasts.


He is really not a bad guy. This conversation came up about 4 days ago. It has not been dropped, I love him, I truly do, but like i have mentioned earlier, if I don't give this to him, I know he will still have that fantasy.


IT - Stephen King taught me this when I was eight. (I'm female) My teacher sent me to the counselor because I thought it would be a cool science fair project.

Edit: Desperation, then. I should really get around to rereading those.

Also, I was going to use my male classmates for science, obviously.


You know... that US attacked Japan first?


Also...incase you don't know OP, you have crutches and you drive with two feet.


You can see whatever they are using to slooge her in the clip.  Looks like a syringe.


But damn it would be a scary couple of seconds.


LOL MADE MY DAY XDDDDD BEST COMMENT HAHA


She would get someone to fix it, but now she can't afford it. &pound; 215 is a lot of cash to lose.


I am done posting, replying to trolls is not worth my time


I'd have to say..both


Kind of. top-half. too far.


Isaac! Come and listen to this. A nice person called 'DoctorCocktopus' from the internet played your song for you!


Fernandez

Typical...


Dude, it's the guy's mum for fuck sake. Have some respect.


Just put on some make-up.


It is, and there's other 500 dumb people with shit taste.


Dude, she's a teacher, [give her some credit](http://i.imgur.com/OlG2ayF.jpg)


As a medic, and the son of a police officer, you'd better believe that if someone tries to bite or claw me, they're getting taken the fuck out hard.


...And was stabbed moments later by the insane person.


If its not on youtube, it didnt happen.


That makes me always question.... I never wanted to ask anyone, does everyone wipe, then look, fold, and wipe? Are there people who wipe and just use more TP?


>Glad somebody *taped* this prank

I see what you did there.


"I owe you a debt of gratitude, kind Sir. Sadly, I have fallen upon tough times and cannot compensate you for your troubles. I hope this meager offering of my best excrement will suffice. Cheerio."

I don't know why, I always imagine owls as [/r/proper](/r/proper) gentlemen.


Comprehension of my reply requires /b/ or /r/4chan arcane lore.


You spelt Pentium wrong.


It's hard to do something new now, isn't it? :D


So you were wearing cut offs and denied a college girl from touching your dick...Is that you Tobias?


Sometimes masturbating is a lot better than having sex with someone you don't want to have sex with.


Oh sick! Hit me up! Xx420MJSmokerAllDayKushBombassNugs420xX [10]


The fact that the people on the left have a vote makes them lucky considering that they pay no taxes to begin with.


Some people really have no idea how bad bullying can really be.


upvote for same name buddy


Redditor for 1 month, good work.


He died doing what he loved: laughing about penis jokes.


how come black people say nigga please but they dont say nigga thank you or nigga youre welcome


"Do you like movies with gladiators?"


Thing??? You're disgusting!!!


How the hell do they think they're going to get away with shit like this?  Did you tell the entire class to turn around and look?


He could become American Footballer though, as he has already mastered the essence of that game: standing around doing nothing (which they do around 99% of the gametime).


How I imagine it will go.

> - "Grandpa, what were those shiny disc things?"

> - "Those were CDs, young padawan"

> - "What's a padawan?"


Wow thanks I didn't realize that! Tell me more about how things worth money are worth money!

My point was obviously that Gabe Newell isn't walking around making it rain on bitches and hoes because he's got a billion dollar bill burning a hole in his wallet.


Literally worse than Hitler.


He was singing, "bye bye ms. american pie"

FTFY


Big Red gum is the gum from hell.


but I already have it


Man if only there was something that had the information you were after. Like a news article you could read that has it in the second sentence or something...


Yeah, every human has flaws. Not all of those flaws are flaws to a pairing. The match can have no flaws because the flaws of the people in it are not flaws that the people in the pairing are incompatible with.


George Clooney what are you doing in the mirror?


Your sub is a pile of dog shit. It's bad and you should feel bad.


So you're saying OP's a faggot again?


He's not parallel. You have an interesting definition of perfect.


You think she trusts you. Never let your guard down, delete that shit.


Stop with the erection jokes, I hate it when you dick around like that.


Brb, moving to a bunker in Sweeden


Don't you understand!? It's what the universe wants!


Try working as a programmer.

"Do you still have that problem? Try taking a dump and sending it to me. Yes, I know it's going to be huge, send it anyway. I need all the logs I can get."


I don't think beautiful is the right word here. A butterfly is beautiful. This is meaningful or deep or maybe even philosophical, but not beautiful.


And you have an upvote, and you have an upvote!! Tis a glorious day!!


Please tell me you're joking


"In seven years."
Then you put on your poker face and walk away.


If its two dudes... They are gay.


It's sounds like you're doing a good job at not being a spoiled, entitled brat.


I've been avoiding it like the plague. Still haven't watched it.

EDIT: HAHA oh god. Who would have thought I'd get downvoted for not wanting to watch a video. Oh well.


You're lucky. Mine goes bread -> light toast -> burnt but technically edible toast -> charcoal -> charcoal -> charcoal -> charcoal -> charcoal -> charcoal -> charcoal -> charcoal -> charcoal -> charcoal -> charcoal -> charcoal -> charcoal -> charcoal -> charcoal -> charcoal.


I don't remember spreading any lies about the CEO of Stardock. You must be thinking of someone else.


But that makes them sound almost human.


> Its a gallop survey, not factually correct.

Why is it not factually correct? Is it like the rape documentary, i.e. not factually correct because it doesn't paint India in a good light?


"A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person."
-Dave Barry


stupid mmo lingo....I'm sick of hearing mats and pugs and so on


Letterman: Aziz, I understand you have a new comedy special, is that right?

Aziz: That's correct, David, I'm also circumsized. *winks at camera*

We'll know. We will know.


HAHAHA, these stupid queers. This is pretty much the funniest thing I have ever read on this website. His fag friend got what he deserved. I hope he goes into a depression and kills himself.


You should aim higher in life.


Wife reading the newspaper over the weekend:

"Did you see the president on that read-it site you're always using?"

"it's called reddit dear..."

"wow, nice grammar"

I had no further response.


Rare? It's China, you can't walk ten feet without tripping over a dragon.


Then if she enjoys the conversations and you feel she isnt blowing you off then why care if you text her first a lot?


That isn't that terrible. You wanted her to stop so that your health and hers weren't at risk.

edit: apostrophe


And I thought only intelligent people looked at Reddit.


That's no big deal. There's nothing quite like making a Lionnel Ritchie playlist and throwing some Dragonforce in the middle.


Upvote if you think science has proved women are intelligent.


> actually

He's a very intelligent guy, despite what you may think.


Whelp guess I really bad at math the *wink wink*


I know. Each night, in my slumber, I'm haunted by the ghosts of incorrect drink orders that I made in my time there. If I handed them an extra hot skim no foam caramel half caf latte and they accidentally got an extra hot 2 percent no foam caramel latte, I would scream to the heavens, "SWEET GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE? I'VE SOILED THIS LIQUID MASTERPIECE AND NOW THAT CUSTOMER WILL BE SAD ALL THE DAYS."


At first I was like "hey you're a faggot"

Then I was like "This is reddit, You're all fucking faggots"


Fifteen years later he shot up his high school.
Brought extra ammo too. Justin Case.


Google the word ubiquitous. You'll find universal as a synonym after omnipresent, ever-present, everywhere, all over the place, and pervasive.

Good luck next time.


EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR


ERMAHGERD, HERSPERTERL SERMLERLETER ERN THERN ERNERNPLERMERN  SERMLERLETER


If you can have it with milk, you can have it for breakfast.


Say that to children of a broken home and enjoy the reply.


Plot twist: Her little sister was 4.


I lol'd so hard @ this comix lol! It remind me of this 1 fat kid @ my skool we named the pillsberry do boy coz he was super fat. 1 time we filled his locker with crisco it was fukin hilarious!!!


> and I saw him finish on a couple of holes

Phrasing!


meh, I will spare you my downvote. Today you live


Now that is dedication. He sounds nice.


fuck you, he doesn't need your bullshit, he's a freak and it's better to live like a freak and be treated like one, than to be part of the other side which treats people like freaks

bullshit people like you just ignore people like him in society


You could high-five your bike after you did a sweet trick.


I think the grandparent was talking about actually putting a crown on her head. Making her look like an actual princess.....idiot


Thats it im out of here


It got upvotes didn't it?


best fucking boss ever.


In todays top new, saying Zing is totally cool.

ZING! Got you bro


Then we'll get the eventual "Reddit, my daughter is now dating my dealer, I need your opinion again."


I didn't miss the joke, just seemed a worthy point to raise. Both terms are, quite literally, redundant.


And how will we do that? We will go, at night!


this needs more upvotes. DOUBLE ENTENDRES FTW


'I don't see race. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because I think "the Chronic" refers to lower back pain.'

-Stephen Colbert


Why do people always say things like “go berzerk” instead of focusing on the aspect that their animal is in *horrible, damaging, traumatizing pain*?

It’s like saying: “Oooh, that guy lying there bleeding, is sooo annoying with its screams and twitches! I don’t want people to annoy me by going berzerk like that.”

Those are seriously wrong priorities.


During puberty, you can just get the random boners too. Not linked to any sort of sexual tension or activity, just your dick letting you know it still works.

Not great timing for me, happened before I gave a presentation.


I will also but I want 100m.  This guy isn't doing us any favors


The problem is I can never properly gauge when things like this are okay. On one hand it's hilarious and makes for a great memory, on the other hand I can imagine someone going "dude, chill for like 3 seconds! I'm about to get married!"


> Imagine if she would have been alone.

I'm usually 100% against the phrase "asking to be raped", but a woman travelling alone to Egypt is pretty much that.


Fuckin oxy man. So many people get hooked on it without even realizing.


Ohh so now you need to be important to be mocked.. I'm not even that important..

It's nice to feel superior about something though isn't it..


Haha, something similar happened to me as well! Was teaching English at a kindergarten in Japan. One day, a slightly older student (if memory serves, around 5-6) ran up to me as I was sitting on the floor. She patted me right on the ol' bosom, proclaiming "oppai!" (breasts!), and ran off giggling.


Amazing your level of ignorance on the subject.  The product of a government approved programming center no doubt.


Unlike in other countries where the homeless are loved by all and frequently involved in tickle parties at the local kindergarden.


come on... seriously? What if he shot a cop?
A civilian?

he shot the only person i don't care about him shooting.
his life. his decisions.
i bet he knew he was gonna be carrying a shotgun when he put his shoes on.


Anybody else just sit up after reading this?


I do believe the idea is to stop people from calling either a natural born American or foreigner that. Cause you know that's being a dick.

Lets just call it what it is being a dick. Don't ban the word ban the dicks. ( No I don't mean men. )


It can be everyday if you get a girlfriend feggit


Sucks you're being downvoted for being correct, but you knew that the patriarchy had hold on reddit, as it does all things.


I learned this from the Koran. Completely serious.


This new meme... I like it.


I don't live in your state but I make it point to donate $50 to anyone that opposes her. Best of luck to you sir, may you send that dingbat packing.


I see prettier girls than her on my way to work. Why should I care who she is?


You'll find Bigfoot before you find that job.


every fight in sao is retarded. shit anime


Damn it feels good to take a shit.


Oh so the phone shutting off for 2 hours was also just condensation and I should just wait 24 hours every time my water proof phone gets wet? Okay.


I kept waiting for it at the end of "Passion of the Christ"


Lol, dig 'em up. And make sure you understand the article next time before you post a misleading headline about it. Maybe just have it suggest a title if you can't get it right.


You can get to your drug dealer's house faster.


Yes i fucking realize he fucking used his fucking book for proof! I just want to fucking know what the actual fucking proof is! My God!


TIL that the title to that movie can be typed using only the left hand...


Wait you really think transgender ex-men should be allowed to use women's locker rooms and bathrooms? What a ridiculous stance.

Answer me this, why are you treating the OP like shit by not giving her advice she clearly could use?


This is purely speculative, but I think part of it is that people are uncomfortable checking a box that acknowledges their mortality.


He went probe rush rush rush I believe. Fatal mistake. He didn't have an eight probe at 7 supply...


Sounds like she'd put the cheese in someone else's sandwich.

edit: thankfully, this is now my most upvoted comment, replacing that time I was talking about Mr Peter's balls.


One of the benefits of drive ng a late 80s Ford truck I bought from the junkyard.  I wouldn't have to get out.


yeah man good job keeping cool after telling someone you want to punch their friend in the face


***SHIT PISS ASS CUNT BITCH MOTHERFUCKER***

there now its warranted


all your feels are belong to us


LOL.

Who ever heard of direct, professional communication between work colleagues?

The only correct way to deal with anything like this is to vent on the internt.


*in America

I went to four different schools growing up and never presenced bullying turn physical or any severe verbal case. You people need to fix your fucking shitty ass culture.


you said you wouldn't tell anyone


Haha guys u see I made a joke about the bible! Never mind that it made all of the sense and was totally relevant! Fuck yeah r/politics!1111


"WHAT DID THAT GUY SAY? I DIDN'T HEAR HIM. OH, WHAT DID HE SAY THERE? I WAS TALKING OVER IT, OKAY, WHAT DID HE SAY THERE, WHAT'S GOING ON, WHAT MOVIE IS THIS?"

you would know all of that if you would just please stfu.


http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2012/04/on-armenian-remembrance-day-obama-again-avoids-the-word-genocide-despite-campaign-promise-to-contrary/

Obama stilll doesn't recognize it as a "genocide"


Everyone else in your neighborhood can go fuck themselves.


Elephants are only useful for their ivory and succulent trunk meat.


What a way to go out with a statement. Dude basically lived the dream for a year being a star linebacker and decided he'd had his fill. That's nuts in an awesome kind of way.


Good try, but NBC pushed higher numbers than this.


Your boss is a fucking badass.


Injecting water in your veins will kill you anyway.


You forgot the payday loan shop, then again sometimes its also a liquor store.


have an upvote

EDIT: lulz downvotes... KEEP EM COMING AI AINT AFRAID OF YOUR DOWN VOTES MWA HAHAHAHAHA

EDIT2: well my comment karma went from 222 to 190.... worth it to troll...

EDIT3: KEEP EM COMING HATERS! IM DOWN TO 175 COMMENT KARMA


Easily the worst show I've ever seen. I've never seen a band more unenthused to be on stage or a band use so many fucking pre recorded tracks. You'd hear an entire key board solo or something yet see the keyboardist back there scratching his nose. Super lame. So lame! DAMN YOU MGMT


Reducing calorie intake is not mandatory - you should much rather steer clear of simple carbs and saturated fatty acids.
But there's plenty reading material in the sidebar.


> "I will giving to you some relatives of the nickel instead"

*hands you a dime cut in half*


I like to think that smart people gravitate towards stupid people in an attempt to teach them what *they*'ve figured out. At least I *hope* it works that way...

^^I ^^hope ^^my ^^edit ^^makes ^^things ^^better...


"Can I order a drink, too?"
"You *can* but I really don't think you'll want to, sir."


Don't make too much fun of this kid; he's probably going to end up owning half of America or something someday.


Like mosquitoes? Do you just find them lying around in your house?

"Damn, another kangaroo. I need more of that 'Roo Spray"


What about a man getting slapped around by an abusive women out of curiosity?


He's here to kick ass and eat pizza... and he still has some pizza to go.


Why don't you tie your dicks together and get married


it's reddit. i think we have time.


Hey! Just because she's fat doesn't mean she should be recorded and humiliated by other people!

/s


they would be as confused as a chameleon in a bag of skittles.... :(


Im not acting like it's not, I know it's 100% a repost. The point is the version of the submission showing any popularity contained "fuck" in the title, which I find to be pretty sad to say the least.


You just replied to yourself.


I'm glad you've let your superior knowledge of this issue prevent your children from having a relationship with their cousins!


Does Curiosity sing happy birthday every Earth year or Mars year?


You didn't think I would find this, eh? Don't talk crap about my fanbase. you aren't doing any justice to the community with that comment, just making things worse.


/r/FoodPorn

...wait.


I just would have liked for them to set the game in an actual jungle, I'm sure there are plenty of ways to get the story to fit. But nooo, more NY.


Speaking about observations of things that happened isn't racist. Assuming that all Chinese people will be like this is.


I don't care if people hate me for it.


Would you just shut up? You're rats with wings!


Lennon was one of the sharpest cats of his time.

The younger redditors won't have a clue who he is.

Well kids, he is John Lennon, who was the genius of "The Beatles".

"The who?" I hear you ask?

No, I said "The Beatles".


┬─┬ノ( º _ ºノ) Dude these tables are expensive, don't do that. We're not rich yet.


Yes, but still gets $14 billion a year.


What if we found a door installed down there. It doesn't lead anywhere, but is firmly embedded in the rock.


I for one support these kids in this post-modern anti-consumerist statement! If their parents had stood up for their rights, they wouldn't be working in a supermarket having to clean this shit up. Fuck 'em!


I was convinced that Gnarls Barkley was Cee lo green's solo band.


I'm not one to hit it and quit it, so don't worry just knit me another sweater or better yet, try to turn on the TV set and wonder why it doesn't have a power button


SCROTUMBORN!

**EDIT**: Holy shit. My most upvoted comment was eleven letters, and involved the word scrotum.


Try to use a proper monitor and not your phone.


This took longer for me to understand than I'd have preferred. Creepy at first, scary as fuck after.


I ERXPERCTERD SERMAHTHIN ERLS.


The most upvoted "this" of all time.


I LOL'ed IRL. up vote


Pfft...obviously! Girl, look at that body!


Why? It's copyright infringement either way. In your case, you're just contributing to Google's internet hegemony.


The only way I'm using the word Grande is if a Mexican pimp asks me what kind of titties I like.


You're on point. Fuck these dumbasses that act like this whore deserves pity. Pity never made anyone successful or happy.


I think for the greater good, you should. But we can still acknowledge the fact that tgines is a cock.


Actually no, we never sold anything to you.


Please. If you can't trust someone with an eye patch, who *can* you trust?


Fuck off! I wasn't trying to be cool and edgy and if you don't subscribe to r/atheism and have come here through r/worstof you have no place here.


Probably. If they do, I bet its 63% off.


xpect the rest 'spect da BEST green around, sun


If this dude is like me he's gonna lay awake at 2:30am some night 7 years from now replaying that situation over and over in his head.


Well, I'll probably get downvoted for this, but I also agree with the both of you.

I eat downvotes for breakfast!


I think he's implying this happened last week.


jesus christ it's not that funny


Oh God I hope you two are dating each other.


I believe it is for an amputee


We aim for the right vagina.


If reddit can't function without relying on criminal activity, then why shouldn't it be shut down?

Edit: Okay, after *his* edit, this no longer makes sense. But thanks for downvoting when you realize you have no valid answer to the question.


Those were better times. Simpler times.


Yeah. His vile hatred for women. As well as your delusional hatred of men. I'm sorry that whatever guy used you for cunt and tossed you away but that's no reason to come to /RA and give shitty advice.


Chemists understand why this is a terrible idea
Edit: And awesome at the same time
2nd Edit: I'm referring to "chemists" as people who have studied chemistry, not as someone who is employed as a chemist.


not hard if you play zerg. just make units and a-move which is what stephano did all game.


Unfortunately, it really wanted to be called Brian :(


Dude the girl looks 12 years old with no ass...cut it out


I occasionally check up on my ex's pages to read all the crazy I dodged.


DAE le Eagles fans? Santa clause and le snowballs? upboats to the left


Worst news I've ever heard. The Cleveland Show is a terrible show built upon the stereotypes of black people. King of the Hill is, however, a satire who's premise is based upon the stereotypes of 'rednecks.' The difference being that King of the Hill is funny and The Cleveland Show is crass and utter shite.


It doesn't really even make sense. Everybody has a midlife crisis. Just not at 5


"Randy, you know, when I want advice on cheeseburgers or not wearing a shirt, you're the person I'll come to."


Aw, look at that, little Mr. Macfaggotface is angry now!


...arrow to the knee?


It's a consumer model macbook, not a replacement to the macbook pro.


You people really think you should be allowed to silence opinions you disagree with. How very Republican of you.

Go on, downvote me some more, You think I give two shits? All you are doing is drawing more attention to my posts and proving me right.


I don't know man... working in a hospital makes you realize after a 12 hour shift, those scrubs are pretty gross.


I know, I usually read the comment before the user name, but then I got distracted by something and I never read it, till later.


Seeing as how Calvin's kid has Suzie's toy Mr Bun, I'd say it's her.


FALSE! That takes water and lava. She made this with muffin batter. Try to keep up.

EDIT: I take it you people do not play Minecraft. My mistake.


A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender ask, "That's very exotic. Where'd you get that?" The parrot says,"Africa."


That's illegal, though!  The guards can't legally knowingly allow that stuff to happen on their watch.  They open themselves up to lawsuits, surely.


Upvote for eating your enemies


ERMAHGERD, DERSERNTERER


This mental image. I loves it.


Porn is poisonous for a relationship.  It teaches men stupid things about what women want and what sex should be.  This is the reason why women hate dating you.


"You ran over my fucking leg, aren't you going to apologize!?"
"I thought you loved me D:"


This has to be one of the stupidest comments I have read in a while.....  Anti-Boner pills........downvoted for stupidity


I did!  My family has alcohol problems.  I saw an older relative die of cerosis and decided I wouldn't share the same fate.  I still smoke weed on the weekends occasionally but some people just can't drink and I'm one of them


Reposts as fast as lightning


So listen, Whatever you do Don't google " so sib "

I think it might be too late for me, the fbi is already here got to goo o


I've been wondering why everyone calls my wife "Coverlet".


You must be a fucking American ha ha ha


It was all the heroin balloons falling out of your ass.


There is research that suggests the existence of past lives. There are also people who experienced a past life and the trauma involved in it, and were able to find resolution in their current life for an issue that is relevant to the trauma. If you were to read up on this subject, you will be able to find countless examples.


The creepiest thing I've ever done is get super hard like four times already reading this thread


X-post r/funny u/sunmann http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/1r62aj/history_of_medicine/

Post was made a year ago


Make sure you vary the tone of your grunts.  Using the same tone for the whole call can make the customer angrier.  Switch it up a bit, throw some variety in there.  Then add the closing phrase you've chosen and there you go.  Instant happy customer.


I don't see reddit defending his actions, just his right not to have his *entire life destroyed* because of your hurt feelings.


I heard they are using real dragons for this season


I'd hardly call it a shitpost, it's a good quality drawing, regardless of the title


You deserve to die too, Roastbeef, but thank you.


who gives a fuck? fuck reddit.


Not always...But mostly


The important thing to take away is the guy said one thing to her and she was overtly hostile towards him in response with a more prejudice remark, no doubt in a place he felt comfortable since he obviously got the hell out of there when he was embarrassed. I say gj for killing some dude's hopes for another day.


Okay, that's actually hilarious.


GET A JOB YOU FUCKING POTHEAD LEECHES


I'm... not clicking on that.


Lol so bad drawing. Rainman is ugly loser, got kicked out from the team because his bad.


It's not over, some death were due to no clean water available. Water contaminated that does not kill an adult can kill a baby. Milk from the mother is clean from virus/bacteria.


Do you know what a blog is?


Or "I gained 25lbs of muscle and lost all my hair."


Translation- Haters gon' hate!


>How can a bullet even be anywhere near a firearm that is being cleaned?

Well see, when you're a cop and you want to murder someone...


They do have every right to be bitter, but only with their fellow citizens.


"STI infection" = sexually transmitted infection infection.
"ATM machines" = automatic teller machine machines.
did you try to do that?


16k is pretty big -- how about /r/clopclop instead?


I'm an adult abuse deputy clerk. Just stopping in to say I've seen restraining orders granted for less. Go file for one.


Rose tonight had a 40.9% FG and a 48% TS.

Kobe for his career is at 45.4% FG and a 55.4% TS over 19 seasons and that includes all the post decline years.

They're not even remotely close.

So how is that "Kobe efficiency''?

Idiot. Moron.


It's all fun and games until someone gets their cock rolled up in the window.


still the 2nd best PF in the game


God damn, I had the exact same thought


Wrong, if he was not paid, he would not do it.  People do it for pay.

No one could be nice enough to do this for free.  Since you need money to fund the basic expenses of living.


"Can I borrow  your phone for a second?"  *Drops it on the floor and breaks the back off it.*


WHY ARE YOU NOT BESTOF'ED?

Edit: "the fuck did I do?"


evidently not the best payment for keeping someone hushed-up


unreliable and expensive power sources.

Perhaps I should have been clearer: Palestinian settlements in the West Bank are being used to stage rocket attacks against Israel.


That dog can never catch a break.


Anyone who uses "whilst" nowadays just seems like a douche.


cant a guy just dislike one thing!


Bird campaign DLC confirmed


"This was the text my sister was reading before her jetpack slammed into a mountainside."


FUCK! How did you know?! [I specifically dressed her like adults! I even put a tiara on her!!!](http://www.reddit.com/r/toddlersandtiaras "Yes, I created this subreddit")


ESPECIALLY Siamese cats. Those fuckers love to talk.

Source: Being yelled at by a siamese right now because I won't get out of bed to feed him yet.


This comment made my day.


That fucker had an egg sack!


Yeah but nobody combines it perfectly like you cunts. As for Arsenal not turning up in big games, bad example. Arsenal's squad can't match up against nearly the big clubs that you guys can, plus you have a proven CL winner as a manager. And then you play like you play, with more dirty plays and whining than actual football.


they all have different senses of humor.  I would never answer a question like this while I was over there but now that I'm gone I can probably just say DONALD WAS MY FAVORITE!  DONALD WAS MY FAVORITE!!!


This is a really stupid, condescending question. Does he "purge" after he wins? Do you think you're smart because you use science lingo to ask a question? Prepare to receive mass downvotes.

Please upvote this so Mr_A can see how much of a jackass he is.


You are right, upvotes for everyone.


Let me know how you like it once you get there.


A lot of people like me grew up Zionist.  I eventually started thinking for myself, but it is hard to consider the other side when you have been inculcated with a single ideology since birth.  It's hard for most people to consider that maybe the group you belong to may not be on the right side of history.  That's a hard thing to accept.


Obummer just gave it citizenship in the high hopes it votes for the nigger in the election.


3 months? Well there's no turning back now...welcome to the internets version of crack cocaine.


someone got a community college degree


This. I will even point out the better looking ones to my boyfriend.


If you say garbage like that then they might not believe you're Christian.


If godzilla can read, we're in deeper shit that that, especially since I didn't even capitalize his name


Exactly. How did Aussies let their country get overrun by slanty eyed rejects who can't make it in their own country?  It shows how bright Australians are that they can let this happen.


What happened to Frankie Muniz anyway?

The only one who walked out of Malcolm in the Middle with a successful career was Bryan Cranston, and that's only because a few years after Malcolm in the Middle he played a drug lord in a great show.


I'm going to say nope, doesn't make you a man. You did the right thing, but I wouldn't go that far.

This isn't even an embarrassing moment. At that second your mom goes" Ah, my 14 year old son was jut masturbating." and then forgets instantly, because you're 14 and you weren't even caught masturbating, you just had to talk about your masturbating habits. Oh no


"You bitch. You didn't poke your head out!"

HAHAHAHA


Yeah, fuck jokes. Fuck them right in the ass.


"You can tell me about whatever awful thing you did in person."


came here for this.


Especially his Coconut Cream Pie.


There's noone in this picture. Everyone's watching the game, hence they're not bodyguards.


It'll be the runt of the litter whom Chris Pratt hand-fed since birth. It'll have a name like Miles or something.


23 years? might want to rethink that user name.


I had to come back to work, so might as well.  The funny thing is, the split second it happened, the first thing that jumped through my head was....KARMA STORY.


> XBMC for example

Extremely useful software for consuming pirated media.

I love me some console homebrew, but 99% of users use it for piracy.


As a mobile user I'm glad he posted this. Top comments aren't shown on my YouTube app.


Karma for being a loud little fuck when everyone else is doing work


I think I'm going to start blasting "who let the dogs out" on repeat whenever I go out just so he knows I'm gone.

damn it I got the song stuck in my head while typing this


It's Bain.  Romney's Bain Capital has done major damage to the entire country's infrastructure since they care more about profit than people.


Man, I wish I had a link to it. If I remember right, he posted an MS paint diagram explaining what he was talking about....

EDIT: [FOUND IT](http://www.reddit.com/r/Fitness/comments/vgixl/some_people_have_no_respect/c54fd52?context=4)


It's a picture of a fat man followed by a picture of a slightly less fat man.

How does this contribute to the vibrant discussion in this subreddit? At least with threads showing a decent transformation I can ask how they did it and motivate myself towards reaching their standard.


My favorite movie is DO THE RIGHT THING. I was changed when I saw that movie. I saw it 20 times in the THEATER. I new I had to be in entertainment when I saw it. I wouldn't be here without it.


Link that BUUUUUUUUURNNNNNN clip under this comment^


He ain't lye'n

**edit** I get it, rye but guys the pun doesn't work that way. You know lots about soap but nothing about comedy!


there is a saying for people like you. "Fuck off and die"


Interesting_Guy just became the biggest asshole ever.


it's a fucking tiger, you half-retarded idiot


"Hey wanna duo?"

"Nah gonna play some solo queue for a while"

"Ok"

....

"I guess we're not friends anymore"


I used to nominate background images, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


It really annoys me too when it happens. Or how people like that say "Oh you just know that because you're young."

No, Mom. I know how to do this because I actually took the time to learn it.


This guy should keep his day job. The longest and least interesting piece I've read in a while.


Oh no. You'll have to discover that for yourself.


Wayne Rooney is the Derek Jeter of United. God I hate United so much, but can't hate this man.


We usually call that voting. Most of us don't do it.


I'm fairly sure most people in the UK are religious.


Fuck Housing Associations.


This was in response to a flung insult to demonstrate the futility arguing with insults.  Apparently the majority rule mentality dictates he can use that method but I can't.


Welcome to reddit. You always see people complaining about things but never said things.


then minecraft isn't for you.
EDIT: My comment was bad. I realize that. I downvoted myself. Sorry for the comment, I love minecraft and everyone who plays it, but I guess I thought he was dissing minecraft, but whatever. I made a bad comment and it's my worst ever! I won't delete it, I deserved it.


Yeah, the risk (innocent) men feel is that it isn't just a career- it could be an entire life thrown away because some bizarre situation spiraled out of control.


Like the no call on the running into the kicker? Or the offensive pass inteference? Jim Caldwell let you down, man.


That's their secret. The high pressure of people throwing money at them fuses that cash together and releases energy.


Been there, done that


I'm guessing they weren't at a restaurant.


I'm glad he has a sense of humor about the whole situation. He seems like a pretty cool guy and I'm glad he's still getting on.


That's terrifyingly stupid, but also touching and sweet in a Forrest Gump kind of way.


Well that is why I am sometimes astonished as to why niggers are still alive.


Thanks! **Mirror** for ctrl-F


This guy just won the thread.


In an interview for an internship, I was asked if I knew how to use pivot tables excel, I said "of course". I did not even know what pivot tables were. thought about going home and looking it up, but I never got the internship so I never had to look it up. Still don't know what they are used for. Atleast I know they exist now.


I lol'd so hard well played :D


This soo much. I remember reading about it on creepypasta years ago and now people are all about it.


What do you call a singer without a girlfriend. Normal.
What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend ? Ready for more heroin.


So you have a shared interest. That's your opening man.


It's what Jerry Jones does when he knows his team will never be good so he threatens to burn ("cook") the homes of the officials if they don't manipulate the game to result in a Dallas victory.


I like the hippo one.


Weeeeeeeeeeee!  Come at me downvote bros!


Science I hope. I saw a whole bunch of Higgs Bosons in the park last week and CERN didn't give a shit when I phoned to tell them.


Does the "b" stand for douche, as in little douche?


THIS ISNT WRESTLING! THIS ISNT WRESTLIN... mooo^ooooooon ^riveeeerrrrr


And on that bombshell!


> This sounds like some type of fraud.

As a general rule of thumb, if it exists in a mall kiosk one should automatically assume that somebody is trying to screw them.


reddit has a lot of assholes that will never breed(not by choice) or be happy.  end of story.


He would crack up which would make me even more upset.


> like the good lord intended

WTF?

Edit: Why all the down votes?   Reddit is getting soft...


I don't understand. How can there be 4 periods? That's like...quarters?!


I am more and more annoyed with people calling assualt rifles machine guns. Assualt rifles and machine guns are very, very different. Their construction is very different and they are used for different purposes.


This is the more important question.


4 years!?!! When you get a chance will you verify the rest of our posts? BTW your profile says 5 months.
EDIT: Well in light of recent events I recant my previous statement. Talk about the school of hard knocks. My ignorance made him seem like a humongous doucher. Oh well,  Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.


All aboard the karma train!


You mean a Nazi? Unless I'm mistaken, they were employing ex-Nazi's who weren't tried for war crimes? WOW. :O


Their digestive system is probably thinking, "What the fuck is this? What am I supposed to do with a DIAMOND!? I CAN'T DISSOLVE THIS!!!!"

edit: Thanks for the Reddit Au, kind stranger! I will cherish it alw-for the next 30 days.


No it wasn't. What you do is wrong.


I felt like an idiot at work until the day I googled the answer to something related to my work and the top result was... me.


>opinions and drama aside, I think something we can all agree on is there was an impressive amount of bullshit and sneaky wording in that article, even for cnn.

No, you just think this because you're on the side of VA and will defend him regardless of reality.


You aren't.  It's like a secret handshake for REAL redditors.


best comment of the year


Yeah, I cant wait until the second she turns 18 so I can publicly acknowledge she has giant cans.


sumail > rtz

what has rtz won anyway...


Lawyer here.

Answer: Get a lawyer.


If Nicholas Cage pooped in people's assholes he'd be me...is that right?


Never underestimate the power of German Engineering.

Das Donkey™.


I'm expecting downvotes but I have to ask, hat the fuck is going on?!


Why don't you stop by and ask him a few questions, tell him you saw this video and you were just curious. He seems a nice guy.That is something I would do for sure if I wasn't on another continent.


> :D

Oh children, will you every grow out of your jap cartoons ?


Looks like someone is going through his "Those are for little kids, I'm a big boy now" phase :P


CAT FACTS:

The catnip plant contains an oil called hepetalactone which does for cats what marijuana does to some people.


You made me giggle.  It's awkward because I'm on a toilet in a public bathroom and someone said "what the fuck?" In response to my stiffled guffaw.


define beautiful

edit: i was just asking for a definition of beautiful :(


Does he host tea parties in the woods while talking to mice?


She actually didn't do anything. She slept one *one* reviewer, who didn't even review her games. The whole thing started for literally no reason.

However, after she was ridiculed, she started destroying a crapton of stuff around her and insisted that she was still the victim.


You sir, are streets ahead.


Words. In English. Too hard?


Yeah, it is pretty easy to stay in the same room for an extended period of time when you aren't alive.


What is Cameron doing that is evil? The tax cuts are helping us not become what Greece is, or to be looked down upon by France or Germany. America will be in serious shit once Pakistan and China start importing a lot more, and sort out their economic strategies, these cuts are safeguarding us.


:( looks like i'm not getting in


Dropping $2000 on a pc. Lol.


Maybe your potential roommate wanted his/her own room and is a motherfucking genius.


I think the OP calling it football was the attempt at trolling.


Do you think all 23 delicious flavors can come together like that by chance??

Double Checkmate. King me.


> considering the education and experience of the people saying this I would believe that they made the right call

So you would consider the "education and experience" of people you have no idea who they are, but you would not consider the fact that a court of law found the opposite?


LAWYER DOWN MOTHER FUCKER


stfu faggot. rule#1 of reddit is dont fucking bitch about downvotes or other people not agreeing with you. wow look down votes! see if i fucking care douchbag. get over it you fucking cry baby.


Such a good "middle aged bitch" name


I sure hope I'm not the only one who gets that.


I'm taking a short break.


You guys are a bunch of fucking babys, holy shit get over yourselves.


OH MY GOD HE HAS A FACE

^Edit: ^Time ^to ^be ^a ^little ^useful: [^Live ^Shitty ^Feed](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEScjSTgX8I&feature=pl%C2%ADcp%EF%BB%BF) ^of ^him ^in ^action ^(thanks /u/HonkMafa and /u/Kijafa)


Were at different colleges brah


That's truly a sad story, FatalErection


And which therapist told you it was all his fault?


I hate to break it to you but I think your friends are time travelers from the 90's.


Warning: may blow the club the fuck up.


That's just plane terrible.


no one gives a fuck except people like you, and i dont give a fuck about people like you


Kind of like dating your second cousin.


Lol, logged in to pretty much say this.

Protip^tm : usually, the saying goes "oldie, but a Goldie" implying that it hasn't worn out with age. Goodie sounds like you're a preschooler at a party.

Besides that, minor attention to capitalization can only improve an already funny comment.


FRIENDLY FIRE WILL NOT BE TOLERATED


And you sound really racist and ignorant.


My sister did that once... My mom punched her, I was so proud of my mom that day :)


Thanks. He is doing pretty good now.


And Yoko Ono definitely and completely deserved it.


It's TRUE!!!!

I asked in a perfect world how often he'd like it, and he said as often as he could get it up. When I smiled and said that was perfect for me, too, he about blew a gasket.


That expensive? These are the easiest of features I am planning.


Someone once told me my spirit animal is a sea cucumber... If you're there,  Fuck you, Rachel.


**welvome to r/gaming where you still cant escape the stupid fuckin youtube comment threads. Middle school is leaking onto reddit again**


I just went onto their website, and it says their savings are 'unbeatable' &#3232;\_&#3232;


Dude what the hell? Why the hostility? Never said I won't buy it.


I figure that's what she's going for.

Must make it easier to go shopping or whatever and just be Stefani Germanotta without the vast majority being able to recognise her under the make-up.


Never heard of it in my country, thank god

I think that's sad, subjecting a huskey to a life on a lead, should leave them to people who can give them what they were born for and live to do and get yourself a tea cup yorkie or something


well that's it fellas. pack up and head out.


I hadnt even heard of her until the Grammys and now she is going away? Good. Maybe dave grohl can pack up the foo fighters and fuck off.


I am one of those in for glory (You can thank my crappy half a second lag, the only way I can play for glory is spamming something) all you have to do to beat us is just jump or shield.

Hell, even the lvl 8 AI can beat spammers.

**Edit: Keep downvoting, let the rage flow trough you.**


Richest little bacteria ever.


1: League isn't the most played game in the world

2: The company is based in China, so they don't give a fuck.


If my boyfriend did that, I would have thought it was the sweetest thing in the world. You're girlfriend is definitely over reacting.


I'm sorry. Mens Rights Activists are already such a surreal joke on the human race, you're a tough act to follow.


Oh yes. I lived there. People drive their cars next to each other on the highways to have conversations with all the gestures included. I can only presume that Italians have no fear of death, as I have never seen it evidenced in their habits.


Yes it is opposite day. I absolutely love Andre The Giant's masterful role as marble-mouth, while everyone doesn't look greasy in the film.

Oh, and that rat-looking guy that's the lead character? Perfect!


Especially since it was on liveleak


You didn't quite say "damn sure." ;)

We send you the same packing slip we send everyone else so it's very obvious to see what's extra and what's not. We only send an extra pack to review-partners the first-time around any ways.

-- Always a pleasure to see your reviews.

Founder @ FantasyCrate


That's not a terrible idea... funny and practical


Fairly certain that it's because she stole Guude's RFW empire before he had it ~~and she dropped her pants and took a big shit all over it and rubbed her disgusting snail-slime-infested vagina all over the parts that weren't covered in shit~~ and made a worse version of his idea but somehow managed to be very successful.

TL;DR: It's because she's a thief.


See? See men of the internet? THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!

Edit for all of you picking at my "political incorrectness:" Fuck you. I'm not going to waste my time to satiate some numbskulls who jump at my audacity to include people in the word, "thing." I don't see any of you balking at the common uses of "everything."


This is very symbolic to the state of America and can describe the end to the first decade very well


That be really awkward 'cause my uncle is my barber.


you should have kept your legs closed


Better than a tear to the rectum, let me tell you...


Would make you no better than them.


oh shit. That hit me deep. Where do you find all these?


smoking weed isnt a crime and causes no one harm. tattling is annoying and hurts people who bend the rules but DON'T BREAK them. his parents are awesome!


It seems like a "No" would have sufficed. This guy is the worst kind of academic; the kind that gets off on their own perceived intellect.


oh man you are just brutal hahhahaha


That's not so much dumb as just uneducated. There were plenty of horror stories like that when I was a teenager, like the one about the girl who got pregnant from sitting on a toilet seat in the guys' locker room, or the girl who got pregnant with her brother's baby because their mother washed their underwear together. Teens don't get the straight dope in a lot of places and it's sad.


Also, 7-11 franchising opportunities are also becoming more and more rare. I guess those dirty diaper heads can't take rejection.


Hey, I Just responded to your comment
________________________________
             And this is crazy

            But have an upvote.

              So reply, maybe?


Fuck off, why are we even over there? why does Canada even need a military? Mounties. That's what we need. Lots and lots of Mounties.


BOOM.

I constantly have to teach people this simple fact and nobody ever remembers.  I guess my efforts are..........in vein.

EDIT: [(By far) Most single-comment karma ever for a shitty heart pun. Thanks guys!](http://youtu.be/1TO48Cnl66w?t=1m11s)


You think they want to this year? No one ever wants to ban themselves, that's horrible PR. There's nothing people want to see more than rake em Christmas playing the post season. I can only figure that they knew it was coming from the ncaa anyway, so they figured they'd get ahead and at least look responsible

Edit: woot downvotes!


Either your brother is the best troll ever or that's super sad.


He wasn't putting his life at risk. Unless you count me trying to lamp him when he snores because of his blocked sinuses.


I swear, if anyone else stereotypes us Americans as gun-toting hicks I'm going to take my M-16 to their city and see what they call us then.


You're a revolting pig.


y u leak easter eggs? :(  careful you don't get zerg rushed by legal...


If cutting taxes doesn't create jobs, would you argue that raising taxes will create jobs?  No you wouldn't you stupid Fucker. Even Obama knows that lower taxes creates jobs.  You know nothing and are probably in high school I'm guessing.


What would it take to get you that TV show? I mean, a petition, kickstarter, etc?? Whatever it takes, I'm in.


I don't know, that ketchup be hard!


"Babe I swear it was just the porn volume!"

"Alright then let me look at your browser history."

"Actually... never mind, I was cheating on you."


If you're just going to downvote me because you don't immediately agree, I'm not going to keep posting my point of view.  Bye.


The hunt for brown october.


aha, the ole' reddit switcheroo.


If he was let go for anything it should have been grade inflation.  It says Franco only attended 2 out of 14 classes.  Sounds like he earned an F, not a D.


Haha you're so clearly lying. What a chump.


He had his eye on a potato already.


MY DADDDY SAYD DAT ALL DA WEDDITORS ARE VEGANS CAWSE DEY NEVA TOUCH DA WOMAN BEFOR GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


> I almost slapped the hispanic out of her.

A much needed laugh this morning, thank you for that. Please tell me you returned it and gave her nothing?


Nope, seen better in my toilet.


"Stop right where you are, don't move a fucking muscle. This man whom I cherish, love and adore has been slinking around behind my back with some syphilitic whore who wants to promote their shameful bush-rubbing to the status of boyfriend/girlfriend?"


goddamn you're so fucking brave dude, I want you to cum in my ass so I can feel your hot brave seed dripping out of my hole


To be fair Cousin isn't wrong, the rate of people who die and then join the army is abysmally low...

Lazy ass unpatriotic corpses.


**PLEASE UPVOTE THIS SO MORE PEOPLE CAN SEE!!!**

OP IS A REPOSTED! I SAW A WAYY FUNNEHER AND BETTER VERSION OF THIS COMIC ON 9GAG BUT THIS DOUCHEBAG JUST REMADE IT AND IS CALLING IT OC!! DOWNVOTE HIM!!


It was insane. I'm going to talk about it on Fallon next Wednesday, I'll tell the whole story.


Children are starving to death on this planet and unfortunately your blank check is going to this posterchild.


In the wild walruses like to lay on top of each other, even when there's room to spare.


Those don't exist. Nor should they.


You're great in The Office, but I'm a little wary if the character can stand on his own. Will there be any normalcy (or grounding) to the show? I feel like it could just be myriad of weird Shrute characters. I felt as though Dwight was a great foil to Jim. Will there be characters like Jim and Michael in the new show?


I used to upvote for original content, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Pokemon Blue, actually.


This is kind of irrelevant but I just wanted to point out that there are people with extremely good genetics who are very strong and aesthetic without ever lifting. Some of the more extreme examples could be someone who doesn't lift that's stronger than someone who's lifted for over 10 years and also looks better and bigger.


I.... I just woke up.

I'm really confused.


**Israeli pinkwashing: the cynical use of gay rights to distract from and normalize Israeli occupation, settler colonialism, and apartheid**

http://www.pinkwatchingisrael.com/


Un ... underwater ... house?

... I thought I was cool with my dirt house.


Upvote for knowing who Theodore Sturgeon was.


Just wait till you see India's Yo Yo Honey Singh.


Whilst I completely am against this policy on principle the government is blocking websites predominantly involving child pornography and extreme violence. I sure as hell hope that abhorrent acts such as these don't become "social norms".


The dog can't get pregnant, no need for a condom bro


I wish i could upvote you more, that made my day, ty :)


>on-planet

I love that I live in a time where we can say this and it means something.


Learn the law before speaking, "CHUMP".


Can we choose who we fight against? [I choose markgeard.](http://imgur.com/CwiAL)


It's actually my friends childhood photo we are both 14. She would not let me put it up if i said it was her.


North Face and Uggs are the uniform, and they use Starbucks for oil changes.


oh so you're just commenting on every thread, spamming your own site in the hopes that you get more traffic? well then kindly go fuck yourself.


SEAHAWWWWWKKKKKS BABY - Your cousin


***sharp-intake of breath***

***totally staged***

***am alone***


Hm. I must reedit my post.


Even mentioning it discretely is still terrifying in my mind. She'd be so embarrassed and it weird everything out


This comment thread gave me cancer


Slink away just a *little* harder. I like to watch you wiggle.


The old pissed off dad birthday routine. Me and my dad have performed this routine many times to get free desserts. He was always waiting in the car for us to get him his free meal.


With SOPA, would MC Escher be able to sue your ass for posting that image?


I fail to see the logic in that *jumps into a grill with a lighter right next to it*


Having an opinion isn't trolling.

Nuking these people would HELP them.

You want them to stay where they're at, in a perpetual state of conflict. You are the asshole who doesn't care about these people.


*dumps milk out of ice cube tray*


So differing definitions on what is rape is rape culture?  I don't know if we'll ever get rid of it then.


I just assumed Stewart would do The Daily Show forever. This is shocking.


Yeah, but Manu plays it way too cheesy and is very short. I love how he plays it, but I would like to see this hunk


I always thought you were Irish.


Nobody reps Tyson's.  Nobody reps NoVA in general, the whole area sucks.


Hmm... well... let me see.  Ask me a math question that only a 5-year-old would know.


This is wut I asked. & than my karma took an arow to the kneez.
it rained downvotes i think must be bot or aethists
why u downvotes me??!? '

*its happened again!!
EDIT 2: everybuddy who doenvoteD me goes on my list!
EDIT 3: CORRECTED SPELLING


Reminds me of a joke:

A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says "I hope the porn is disabled." The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."


I got married to a guild leader in a mmo and ripped off the guild. I pretended to be my girlfriend at the time, by girlfriend I mean ex girlfriend, by ex girlfriend I mean girl I had crush on, by girl I had cursh on I mean girl I read about in news paper, by girl I read about in news paper I mean a name I heard once......that name was sarah.


"Look at this psychopath. So committed to his pursuit that he's willing to break into a stranger's home just to keep up the ruse. Oh, and he's  even putting something in the microwave? Nice try hot shot, you messed with the wrong woman tonight."


What more fact do you need?  I'm proof.  That's the only fact I need.


Its been 48 minutes.  We can assume the dog killed him.


You clearly have no idea with a "liberal" is.
I suspect you are missing a:
1. Brain
2. Life
3. All of the above.

Ohh, I choose 3!


HE SAID "I TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO A FRIEND WHAT RUST WAS,BUT ANOTHER FRIEND CAME UP WAIT A PERFECT DESCRIBTION:NAKED MEN BUILDING HOUSES AND FIGHTING BEARS WITH ROCKS.


Especially the last 5 years


I thought if I gave you some more time you'd become Jewish, but it seems now I was a naive fool.


Oh dam didn't realize I should perpetuate the dick cycle and keep being a dick too. That fixes everything. I'm so glad you took your time to explain this to me in a dick way. I'm forever a changed person. Thanks Obama


Alarm clock needs to be OUTSIDE of arm's reach. If you are too tired you WILL turn off the alarm and go back to sleep and you WILL NOT REMEMBER that you did this. More than likely you'll wake up thinking you just forgot to set it or that it failed when in truth you rolled over, turned it off and rolled right back into sleep.


And why you would play Settlers in 2012?


I'm a Na/K Pump.  I can confirm this.


I used to have boring acoustic fingers and magnet rap, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


And modern Japanese culture is about 180 degrees opposite that of WWII Japan.


once i was climbing a ladder and feel from the second floor and i could hear god. Although it might have been the doctors, maybe it has something to do with that?


> She's deliberately turning it around on the men in congress to illustrate the absurdity of these laws.

and evidently they are not grasping it at all.


What's Kanye West's excuse then?


There are plenty of people like this. Their brains stopped growing at 8.


People with a victim complex are almost exclusively liberals. Feminists, sjws, blacks, gays, and trannies to name a few.


Sober me understands this quite well. Drunk me in the moment...


YYYY/MM/DD is the ISO 8601 official date system, and mathematically, it makes sense. If I said "I'll see you on the 24th", it's implied that it's this month.

Equally, you might say "March 24th" to describe the date, which is month/day.


Dick mangos: so good, dad smiles.


You have more class than your coach and QB combined. Have an upvote on me!

Edit: Didn't expect such a shitstorm here.  Hate on me if you must, but Brady is a world-class whiner and Belichick is a proven cheater.  Not much controversial about my statement.


People that talk shit on Facebook are typically trashy anyhow. Best not to associate with them.


Can anyone downvoting this please explain why they disagree? The human kid is clearly having fun, and since the ape kid is doing the same thing, I'd assume it also doesn't mind having something new to do in its enclosure.


Why thank you, so much :) You're too kind.


Yeah well you got a baby wiener. Lmao.


Ohhhhh so that's what my uncle was doing! Thanks!


You're *facing* the toilet when you pee though, it's easier for us to not notice.


What color are his underpants?


I would make a case for christianity (lowercase) being the undisputed champ.


Little kids are like small drunk people


> Don't play ~~Sheiks on walk-offs~~ sm4sh.


One is male, the other female. If they touch they'll mate and you'll end up with baby nipples


It is still 'just an observation' that some clubs are supported by a greater percentage of idiots because I do not have the data to back it up.


you sound like an asshole cashier.


Why was he trained to shoot repeatedly, from distance, at a man who was driving away? Once driving, the man was no longer a threat. Shooting at him increases the chances of (i) the police officer being shot at, and (ii) the unnecessary death of the criminal.


and make sure you write ***This is Copy #8 of 16.*** on the back of the photos.


What gives Morgan Freeman any credibility above James Earl Jones or Brian Blessed? Just because he has a deep, commanding voice doesn't somehow imbue him with wisdom and knowledge.


We'll take two plates of eggs, then my buddy's gonna bang your cousin


Yo Brian, I heard you like worken' out, so i worked out, how you don't work out, cause your worken' out. With rims!


He's not really that strong. This amount of weight is something most powerlifters can handle. It's just that he has good balance, which anyone can get with enough practice.

Moreover, his form on the way up wasn't that great. Definitely room for improvement.

http://i.imgur.com/CKlGlUa.jpg


- replying to the top post just so this faggot will see this -

Stop thinking you have so much self worth. In fact, you don't really mean much so stop being so upset when you find out your life is worthless. It's a shame it had to happen on your 28th birthday though.


The kids (at least here in the Bay Area) took this one even further. I've seen kids with backpacks made out of empty cereal boxes.


Took the words right out of my mouth


Math majors, like numbers, are not capable of emotions like fear or laughter.


I agree, but for different reasons.

His whole, "We're losing but we're actually winning" logic is a bit hard to follow for even the most faithful Christian.


..and then give everyone who bought a copy their money back! Nothing lost and we all WON!


Porn is all glam

:D


No. **THIS IS PATRICK!**