Must have been really hard to hear him unless you had one of those in-helmet microphone systems.


So he longer regrets being in the Avengers?

Edit: [Most downvoted post I've ever typed?](http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3hft1XNa61qlmbvu.gif)

Edit: This post is now in a karmic dynamic equilibrium, truly fascinating.


I suppose you will now remove your upvote, and ironically this is already too deep in the page, but...

[DIRECTED BY M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN](http://i.imgur.com/avjmH.png)


Everytime I see people slamming PETA

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feral_cat#Effects_on_wildlife

Stray cats and dogs are fucking terrible for other wildlife, you know - all those endangered animals who've spent the last billion years evolving so our thrown out pets can wipe them from the planet.


ahahaha

PLAYER 2 HAS JOINED THE GAME


I did not insult a single person in that entire comment thread. How is that not manner?


A Night at the Roxbury


Admitted to being a Republican.

Reddit, do your job and ostracize him.


Brent you crazy motherfucker

EDIT: I would like to thank Brent for my most upvoted comment ever. You're a real guy Brent!


No, that's not what I'm saying.


Said EVERY girl ever.


8 billion people on the planet, bro.  One SIDS case isn't that important.


Or maybe she's awkward about that solid boob grab.


If I were going to do a photoshop project where I shopped myself into something that many times I would  use  my clothing, costumes, and backgrounds so the end picture was sweet.


Then invest in Facebook and lose it.


I just got there I made this post for the eden run


Not always true. I'm Australian and I'm fucking ugly as shit.


Did you think craigslist would crash or something?


Cancer? Probably nothing


ERMAHGERD, ERH DER ERM ERR CERBERL WERTH ERNTER VERERS PERTERTERTERN


My cousin wears a fedora, plays Minecraft, and trolls people by deliberately screwing up in Portal 2 co-op mode.

He is the incarnation of the annoying internet child. He's 13.


Sure it does, but all the dumbass liberals still whining about the two Bush wins would have to shut their man pleasers as well. You fucking whiners are still at it today. So why don't YOU STFU.


I don't think anyone there watching fully understood what he did. It was that brilliant. Looked like they thought that he actually screwed up.


I fully plan to vaccinate my children and I think everyone should. But... MAYBE... if your kid gets sick because of someone who is not vaccinated... the vaccine is not as reliable as they want you to think it is.


You might seem like an asshole, but in all honesty... what you did there, might actually have been the reason he pulled himself together...


*shrug* Call it buying if you want but the mod is free and open source.  Dev's got a server to pay for y'know? Open Beta begins in about a month.


"HEY BOSS COME LOOK AT WHAT I DID!"


your son will be a telemarketer


"- NOT BAD!"

It was at this point, Reddit ejaculated in glorious unison.


hahaha easy tiger...it's not that big of a deal, it's just a scooter.  sorry to hear that you and your oversized pituitary get riled up so easily.


It's so sad.  In the pyramids of teotihuacan in Mexico,  I often saw people carving their names and chipping off pieces of the pyramid as a souvenir. Now the smaller of the two is too deteriorated to climb to the top.


Because of that one time 70+ years ago, when people said "Hey, maybe we should treat women as people!" and ended up rounding up millions of people in concentration camps (killing many of them), sending Europe and the world into a vicious, painful war? Those wily suffragettes!


I eat the thing I like the least first and my favorite item last.


Report them and specify a reason (other option) and let us know.

Edit: Thank you :-)


I once locked myself out of car and my parents had a spare (live in the same city). I called them up asking them to drive down to open the car, they said to try putting my phone next to my car while they "unlocked" my car from their end of the phone...

EDIT: Wow I guess this is actually possible... must try it out sometime and apologize to my parents


LOL ISN'T R/POLITICS A GRAND SUBREDDIT?

ALSO, THOSE REGRESSIVES SUCK! UPVOTE IF TRUE!!!1!


I live in SLC. I too was asked this. I ended up offending the three old women interviewing me though. They asked me what ward I was with and me being from Dallas, Texas raised by a parents in medicine I thought they meant the mental ward of a sanitarium. I said Im not insane and they got pretty upset.

Edit: this comment is getting a few upvotes. If anyone is wondering. I didn't get the job.


I wish my papa looked like you.


If Jagermeister were any easier to drink I think I'd die of alcohol poisoning.


Haha wouldn't it be funny if everyone UPVOTED me?! Hahaha we should try it!


That's a thing? Like outside of Gossip Girl??

Edit: Apparently it's Pretty Little Liars.


I don't want to take the top off, I'm lazy. Why is the bottle designed like that?


Classic office shenanigans.


link found.....ATTAAAAAACCCCKKKKK!
 http://i.imgur.com/Liyhe.gif


Vote for improving schools every chance you get. If you're a parent, get as involved in your kids' education as you can...without troubling the teachers ;-).
The longest journey begins with a single step. In my view, we have to support schools, which might be written $upport $chool$$$. That takes taxes, and that takes a majority of us believing in public education.


No one forced you to live there.


While the marketing scheme is most likely true, the idea of "you only need one" is not.

Because Alka-Seltzer contains active drug ingredients the allowable dose is controlled by the FDA; they didn't just take the usual dose tab and put in two.  They halved the active ingredients and doubled the non-active to make two tabs.  You still need both if you want the full dose of meds.


WAAH, I  DIDN'T GET MY BEAUTY SLEEP! AND A POLICEMAN RUDELY BUMPED MY ELBOW WITHOUT APOLOGIZING!

If you towel-heads hadn't voted that guy in in the first place, you would never have had this sort of trouble. Egyptians are peculiarly dumb, and I'm not sure why they expect our sympathy.


I think it's simply a matter of having people do everything for you. IIRC, some politicians even forget how to drive.


Yes. But I want to make it clear that I don't agree with her intellectually. It's the emotional power that got to me.


Especially if you're fucking a bagel.


I used to carry puppies up mountains, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


That's not stupidity. That's stubbornness at its rawest


How is he forcing anything on anyone? By posting on reddit? You're a whiny douche.


Are you a wanted criminal, or a suspect in an unsolved mystery? Maybe he was trying to scam a DNA sample from you.

Pretty crafty, if you ask me...


meh, hard to tell sometimes


Can you feel it Mr. Krabs?

Can you feel it Mr. Krabs?

Can you feel it Mr. Krabs?

Can you feel it Mr. Krabs?


You would probably suck his girth if given the chance, faggot


And then, and then, and then, you could say, "I had sex with your mom."


No one has ever called The Simpsons the greatest television program of all time. If it's your favourite that's fine, no one is going to argue with you that it's your favourite, but calling it the greatest is just ridiculous.


The proper term is incognegro
Source: im black


* Reddiquette is a piece of shit
* This is not a place for straight cis men
* Quit tone policing


Betty White is older than sliced bread, if that helps. Should be the greatest thing since Betty White...


Tell that to the french
edit:fine you bastards. Post ww2


"Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?"


I used to be there, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


Much obliged. Tits are all over the internet but I've never seen these golden ants before.


Those born with penises have been biologically and evolutionarily programmed to oppress women.


How the hell is this getting upvotes? I am pretty sure your sister is off limits even if you didn't know that she was.


So young. So innocent.


I'd rather have a quarterback who responds to adversity by leading a game winning drive than one who cries and then fumbles twice in the clutch, but to each his own I guess.


Once you've been married for a while this is almost *exactly* how it works.


i really, really, really hate white people


If I paid $400 for a 'massage' I can guarantee it would last about 15 minutes max.


I posted it here because it is relevant to a previous post.


Protip for vomit: I learned you pour cotton candy crystals on it.  It soaks up the puke so you can just sweep it up and it makes it smell like strawberry puke.


This was not some newbie that did my makeup and hair. This was one of the most senior students, so I expected it to at least be passable.


Holy shit, I forgot that I hit the genetic lottery. Now I can initiate phase two:

1.) Smoke less.

2.) Be ambitious.


I would be lying to you if  i said this did not make me angry when my cousin not only stole my picture, but then allowed OP to get mad karma from it.


They are, but they're just actually taller than how Hollywood depicts them.


Likewise, the Holocaust (C) is pure fiction.

Sure, some hundreds of thousands of Jews did die, especially of typhus and also of starvation at the end of the war, but definitely not six million in gas chambers that didn't even exist.


Why the fuck am I reading each and every one of these 1 by 1 at 11 at night? I am not a smart man. No sleep for me tonight.


Wow, such smart, many correct, am troll.


The twist of it being the wrong day was what won me over.


> Well first of all that will never happen.

Wow. We've got a veritable fucking clairvoyant here. You do realise that never means till the end of time right?


> Neil De Grasse Tyson

You really know the way to Reddit's heart.


yeah, but consoles are pointless.


Poocasso's

I'm here for things like this


No, he was telling at my for my first visit to meet him because he is gay and mean as shit. He says bodybuilders are statistics and called me a liar and all sorts of ridiculous shit before any discussion was had or tests were done. Literally we walked in and he flipped out on my wife and i and kept saying I'm going to hurt my wife and shit


*suddenly eagles everywhere*


I fail to understand how you still get a dopamine rush by doing this bork shit. You're gonna still be doing it in 5 months when it's extra fucking stale and sympathizers will still throw you upvotes just for the fuck of being the "good guy on the internet who relates to compassion and understanding of M'brothers." Just kill the Bork shit, it's fucking old and annoying at this point.


Do you need two tampons?


Why not? I think she's fit, just doesn't know how to take 'instagram' photos to look zeitgeisty.


And re-tell the story about when you did that for the rest of your life.


LOL Okay you got me.  I'm actually 42... I just thought that I was the only one my age who thought that.  LOL  I didn't want to look like the out-crowd on Reddit.  LOL


Michael: "You know what? I feel a lot better" Ryan brought me some chocolate pudding, and his kindness healed my foot."

Ryan:  "I crushed up four extra strength Tylenol and put it in Michael's pudding..."


amen, let's just nuke israel and wipe out every single israeli. i'm tired of that piece of shit state. nuke the shit out of them and rid the world of that horrible israeli vermin.


Oh...My...God.....
Of course you are absolutely invited Tommy, please provide a place to send the invitation.


Those aren't mutually exclusive ideas. A thing can be covered by free speech yet unethical at the same time.


I think this is how my boyfriend won my family over too... Just by being not being my ex and having a car.


It's kind of cute and kind of funny, but there are some underlying issues here for sure.


The doctor is dope, but I've just spent 2 years writing other people's characters, plus I've got my Firefly kickstarter adventure. (See above.)


Dude the jokes over. Guy is already way over his 15 minutes of fame. He was a one-trick-pony, "*meme*" got boring after 2 days.

Sorry, reddit, cocksucking-party is over.


"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country." -- Kurt Vonnegut


Dont be a fucking child.

Edit: you're all fucking children.


Or what she actually wants is to know that you are thinking of her.


>narrow tunnel of muscle and flesh

ahahah


I *knew* these answers were gonna be straight up grizzly.


We are here, we are Muslims, deal with it. We breed faster than you, we are better educated than (Ph.D. here) and you __will__ respect our religion. Got that, inbred?


You are a good person.


Sounds like a bureaucratic clusterfuck.


Ted Roosevelt would hand me my ass in moments.
He was a goddamn man and soldier who could kill with his hands.
Let's remember, I am an actor who is handy with a sopkeshave.


we all fell in the pit...


AMA request: tooth fairy

WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOW UP


nope.. If someone with legacy keys leaves the game they will stay.


You can be the brightest, juiciest peach in the basket and you will still find people who don't like peaches.


lol a racist joke. Let me tell you, being on the other side of the equation, you come to understand how it feels to be the odd man out. I am the founder of /r/clopclop btw


Cannon: a gun that fires cannonballs and destroys ships

Canon: something that is confirmed by the creator of the show. It too destroys ships.

Edit: thanks for the gold! Now I can get a free month of Chess.com!

Double Edit: Twice in one day? 2 months of Chess!

[Oh baby a triple!] (http://youtu.be/OQj2L5Zuv9Y)


Lol and how would that make me a hypocrite, pray tell?

I wait with bated breath.


But how else can they show how cool and different they are?


There we go. A republican says something fucking stupid and in no way defensible and here come the "BOTH PARTIES ARE THE SAME!11" defenders, as if anybody but a republican would ever say that "vagina" was an offensive word.


>most of the black people

"No, I wouldn't kill Jerome. He's my dawg."


Wow, do you work for Domino's or something? I believe it was from about a year ago.

Edit: Just checked, it was October 27, 2013!


No.  I hate girls.  Well, I do like Peyton and mommy.  Peyton is my sister and my mommy is my mommy.


Why would it matter if it was one bodily fluid or another? Because you have a hang up about pee? OH, its another bodily fluid made of similar components? Oh that's ok.

Fuck I hate Reddit now.


I'm not racist, but I just don't like black people.


Reminds me of [this](http://ecofrenfood.wordpress.com/2011/08/07/three-squeak-boiled-cat-in-china/)


I just got a freedom boner.


He and his team are smart enough to fool you.


Antiques Road Show captured how interesting antiques can be not only value wise but historically. They have true professional appraisers, and genuine common people bringing in their possessions. This show absolutely shits on every other "Pawn", "Antique" "Collector" type tv show in my opinion.


Doesn't have to do with flags but was an obvious fumble by the spirit of the game. The refs made a technically correct call but the rule was wrong. In the 2003 champ game the Pats committed legit penalties that weren't called on each and every play. This year they were the dirtiest team in the league. Rats stay rats.


How many propositions per mile (ppm)?


Lol. Are you Cis? Cuz if so, your opinion on what trans people say in anger to or about their oppressors means jack shit. Hope that helps too.


Easy:

You need new friends.


Super hard to use Google I guess.

Edit: Obscene to consider using a search engine to find something on the internet, apparently.


Don't forget your sun block!


Not really, just because you have western morals doesnt mean that they are the right morals. Close minded of you.


And no matter how much you shake and dance, the last few drops are in your pants.


or because he knows hes about to get his ass beat.


ude finished my sentence.


U fucking joking me? Dude her shit looked like a roast beef sandwich


THIS IS MY TREE NOW, MOTHERFUCKERS.


FYI, my friend isn't the car.
[Edit](http://zipmeme.com/uploads/generated/g1326920854103620431.jpg)


You can think of Anonymous what you want, but sometimes they are really useful


Lol yeah, making a lame joke about his rest is so much more respectfull. Ummm... rolls eyes


Dodged that bullet before it was even fired.


They are the same person you dumbass


"I picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue"


Just wow.  I don't know what's more disappointing -- your hatred of your uncle or that you would choose to badmouth him in a public forum.  You sound like the type to torment the old timers at the VFW for kicks


Until the kid on top gets pissed off and pulls the cover thus pulling the TV forward, crushing the lower screen player!


I used to post pics, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


Too many people have accepted the horrific idea that humanity exists as a means to turn labor into capital.


This is true, but by having an 8-bit processor the colors available on screen at one time are also limited. So therefore they are 8-bit graphics.


You work with a bunch of opportunists.


Childish men, who do not respect themselves.


Dr. Dre is actually legit doctor, no joke.

He has to take care of some sick beats.


You know, that actually sounds rather fun. It would be interesting to see all of the responses I get.

Also: http://www1.umn.edu/news/news-releases/2006/UR_RELEASE_MIG_2816.html


Yeah, I'm totally abstaining from women for, like, school and stuff.


LMAO! I saw it 3 times today myself I thought it was appropriate, we probably saw the same topics.

I cringed typing it. Upboat for you sir/ma'am/stuffed animal.


That's what my girlfriend always says!

So I tell her she doesnt have to do it when she grows up.


Well done.  I took that idea and ran with it -- startling results: http://imgur.com/qeyxQ.jpg


Or they're red because he's crying. Everyone's eyes get red when they cry.


TMI

Don't need to hear about any more girls and cups, frankly.


...and here we have Hitler  disguised as a redditor.


I don't think that's how rabies works.


It's a slippery slope to satanism. And alliteration.


Wow, what a clever user name! "el_commento" ... wow, that's so clever. I wish I had your username-conjuring skills. Man, I want to be you when I grow up.


I recently got told that a friend of my brother was robbed by a guy wanting his pizza. He was stabbed because there was pineapple on the pizza.

People are fucked, man


We simply don't like scum like you... err we mean we don't like criminals like you just reversing any .gif they please. It is our recommendation to go with the suggested 5 to 15 years, even though we all know these type of people will just continue on with this stuff.


Ooh. That's a good one,  although I suspect my mental image of a goth girl in a white lab coat somewhat deviates from the reality.


Wtf is a neighborhood waitress


Looks like the capital city layout from every MMO ever.


I actually didn't shave this morning so I do have some scruff on my neck.


In 2004, actor Colin Farrell told a reporter the size of his penis “ain't nothing to f** king write home about.”

Maybe that makes you feel better?


Its really confusing me. But more importantly im thirsty.


Oh god, it took me a while to understand that you did not mean .exe files.


What's innovative about the GUI?


*^EVERYTHING ^IS ^AWESOME*


water is like 1/3 oxygen, so yes!


Did you really just APA cite this...

Edit: College helped get me my highest rated comment!!! It was worth it I guess.


HA HA HA HA HA HA... Are you new around here?


I had the best driver when I went on the safari in 2011. We had some ostriches come up really close to the vehicle and they ended up wandering in front of us, so we had to slow way down.

Driving at a crawl, the driver said, "The ostrich can run up to 40 miles per hour... When it wants to."


Explain how I'm not keeping my promise, and the cunt part..I have my moments


Thank you for subscribing to ScorpionFacts.


You seem pretty excited about having a drunk as a dad. You should be glad hes gone and not here ruining your life anymore.


I would tell him that it's not living that's failed him, it's life.  We can always change our life as long as were living.  He's addressing the wrong issue


>I will never get over the embarrasment of belonging to the same species as you.

See this is where we can agree. Monkeys and even dogs did better than man here. Buzz Aldrin has brought shame upon us all.


You're that close to a goddamn world record and you're not even gonna try it?

*someones* not getting invited to beerfest...


Then don't go?

Nobody is obligated to attend a wedding.

EDIT: Can one of the people down-voting me please explain why you feel obligated to attend someone's wedding? Or why you feel like a bride/groom should feel obligated to spend several thousand dollars feeding you and everyone else?


Yeah. "Introduces himself". LOL.

OP just ruined John's game and doesn't even know it.


Was the U.S. 13 or the ancestor?  That preposition is stranded and all alone.  Poor thing.


You brilliant son of a bitch! SHOW US ONE MORE LEVEL!


^ *Generic response in hopes of gaining comment karma from popular post*


If you can't tell, then he did.


> because of the harassment

uh-oh, you were harrassed.

in the last week 450 people were killed in muslim majority countries by other muslims for 'religious' reasons

i'd say you are living the good life


Meh. Close enough.


??? What?? Why...what...you do realize I said that because the guy SPECIFICALLY called me grandpa. Just pointing out I'm neither old or male. So...yeah, treat me differently than a GRANDPA. Thanks for your reading comprehension, judgmental fucking asshole.


Haven't had that feeling in a while.


That sentence makes no sense.


If you type "uma thurman" into google, these pictures are the first thing that pop up. You sir, are wrong.


Just as an update, the actor Wilko Johnson is now cancer free. Hoping he will return to the show.


Downvoted for implying racism is something you can get rid of and isn't in us all.


The only 100% sure fire method of preventing monsters.....


Oh of course. If you guys could drop the circlejerk for even a second you would see how fucking retarded you are all being.


Not true, I touch myself all the time and my parents disowned me.


yeah, everyone can hear his voice crack filled whines


Originally, the campus was going to censor this piece, but she pulled some strings and was allowed to perform it the way she wanted.


> Why were there so many cases of pederasty amongst Catholic priests?

That is concerning for sure, but you do realize that a tiny percentage of Catholic Priests were implicated, don't you?

> often because of their flawed, irrational beliefs, they cause harm.

**Often?**


It puts the libbidy lotion in the bippity basket or gets the hibbity hose again.


Eh, I didn't know that. I had it on my tablet from somewhere (The Chive? Don't judge me).

How about this. This comment will act as a poll. I'll check it in a few hours. Let's say around midnight EST.

If it has **negative** votes, I'll delete the post. Otherwise I'll leave it. Sound good?

---

Edit: early tracking has this looking like a goner, Ed.


^ Spoiler alert, the poster survived the experience.


 that girl got:

 #swag

 and

 #yolo

bitch be cray cray!!


That would be me.  :)


As in "be more brave"? Get your metaphors right, you should have said "grow a thicker skin". Also, if you aqquaint balls with bravery, you should know that's pretty sexist and assumes those females can't be brave due to a lack them.

And why? I don't like the bigotry on reddit, so I take a stand to it. Does that upset you?


Something like "I am nearing the culmination of our sexual endeavor !"  ?


Because that's not petroleum. It's a byproduct of the rods that pump the oil, technically known as rod wax. She's talking about things like plastics. You're just a little shithead.


I do not. But people love to comment that I look stoned in many of my photos. Oh trolls, how I love you.


Even though you may think mocking worship with a false god is funny and a joke, God is not mocked.


Oh God.

It's so tempting.

...

Can't resist...

"That's what she said."

... Sorry.


My grandmother managed to do this over voicemail. She'd leave long winded stories and follow ups to our earlier conversations, and at the very end, a pause and "Grammie"

Like I might not know who I just listened to for the last two minutes. And everything fell into place when she stated her name.


No, when sending a picture with snapchat, snapchat would be the first party.


Man, i hope you see other people in this thread who sound like you and realize how simple, good, pure, and freeing it can be to let go and stop romanticizing the past. I wouldnt be here today if i didnt give moving on a chance, and it was instantly better than ever seeing her again wouldve been.


suck ur dick then u thirsty ass weirdo


i'm not much of a pill popper.  maybe it's because i spend too much time with your white ass


You have been on reddit for 1 year.

I have been on for 1 day.

Cut. Me. Some. Slack.


'Oh my god Karen, you can’t just ask people why they’re white'


And in the ever so small chance it happens, you have officially been granted a spot on the no fly list which doubles as a ticket to stay at home with the fundie warmonger brutes.


I do, and I thank you. 😚 you save me from cringing all the time.


By today's standards she was fat.


As far as television is concerned semen doesn't exist and sex is where a man and woman get under sheets and laugh
Edit, oh my god I get it. Its like the Sims, you don't know how to have sex, and L sheets. Now nobody else has to comment with one of those jokes


What you think is gross is what some could consider the epitome of sexiness. You just come from a different culture.


Do you mean to say that some country out there is putting comparatively more sugar into something than we are, and we're just LETTING that slide?


It's not awesome. Sounds like a big "Fuck you" to the Fukushima victims.


Ty for tl:dr.. That wall of text almost got me.


They should have included an option to delete that shitty "track"


Keeper wears a stupid helmet - Čech


Yay, enforce your arbitrary internet rules with your arbitrary internet power!  You've really made a difference here!


Maeby they already know.

Edit: First gold etc, thank you etc, much love etc.


But I didn't want the baby to begin with, and we aren't even married! Why do I have to suddenly claim it as mine!?


It's not good pizza, but it sure is $5 worth or pizza.


i bet she likes nigger dick


checking that phone for pics nailed it for me. also pulling all that stuff from your brother's butt.


No....no I came to Reddit, and posted here for karma in hopes that my new found good karma would assist him in being found. Why wouldn't people just contact the local news for starters or the hospitals or or or or....nope Reddit. What is next....Reddit I was just bit by a colorful snake and I am getting sleepy what should I do?


how the fuck do you get a sunburn on your junk?


Oh god it's 2am. I passed out at 11:00ish and I AM STILL DURNK. ther e are no wrkds for how scary this is

As it is i I Dn't feel confiodet enough to even try this. I eoulf esny domryhjinh yo dyop grrlinh drunk whjich is what beer does.


Hmmmmm.

Okay, but now what am I going to do with this matching torch-and-pitchfork set?


I find it hilarious that it's getting down voted. Reddit doesn't have a clue who Phillip Larkin is lol. Modern education must be very poor.


alone cake is the saddest of all foods.


Wow a quote in the bible agrees with your view so now it's okay to post a bible quote


Well if you want to get technical, they sincerely believed they were drunk too.


relax man, stop taking reddit so damn seriously. go out and socialize yourself to the world that exists outside of the internet, maybe meet a nice female or two.


Whoa now, lets not get ahead of ourselves.

The actions of a few Muslims do not represent the whole religion. That's just bigoted thought.


Also helps to be either a man or a woman.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intersex
http://www.isna.org/faq/frequency


Did you write that comment yourself DJBJ? Good job! We are so proud of you!


Typical Americans...


Later on CNN: Still no sign of Malaysia Airlines flight 370.


Neither, one is a kid and the other is a karma-whoring Marine.


Not the driver's fault. Uganda's full of Invisible Children.


not sure if i should be laughing at rape...................................................................but  sooooooooooooooooooooo god dam funny


You must be fun at parties.


Maybe you shouldnt store your potential future in a backpack then...


Nah, he looks like a meth head instead.


You essentially challenged a silverback gorilla in it's natural habitat and got away with it.


You're the reason rules 1 and 2 exist. It's always the lame ones who wanna represent.


Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays...


eh why would u subscribe its only a pic of a cat tahts been dressed up in fairness cats are reaaaally annoyin they even think they own humans ffs not sure why reddit likes them anyways i think this is stupid dressin ur cat up and taken pictures of it is low and not funny at all tbh just sayin :/

**downvotin me will not change MY opinion on cats seriously**


Wait, I thought this was the point of the whole thing... Like, how can so many rich celebrities all happen be that stupid?

Like, Hyde from That '70's Show is a fucking scientologist. So is Donna.


Don't worry, they're seen as martyrs.


But this one goes to 11.


Maybe if you didn't spend all day on reddit you wouldn't of known it was a repost. Does it really matter that much? You could of easily just went to the next picture buddy


Get your reasonable, sane advice out of here.


>dance studio

gay


Technically, he is.

Just at the same rate as the average healthy human.


But: Doesnt matter. Still badass.


It's amazing how much older  and worn out many presidents look after completing a term. It takes a special kind of person to deal with that ammount of pressure.


OMG IS THAT YOU STEPHEN HAWKING? What is your powerful brain doing on the internet?! You should be out solving the world's mysteries! Thanks for blessing us with your unparalleled deduction skills and everything, but I think you're just making people feel dumb here!


This ONE WEIRD TRICK will PISS OFF municipal workers' foremen! Taxpayers HATE him!


Directed by M. Night Shamalamadingdong

He doesn't have an Xbox


I actually know someone that started smoking for this reason. She had never smoked before. They knew who smoked and who didn't and restricted those extra 15 min smoke breaks to real smokers.

Now she's addicted.


Are you trying to demonstrate bronze logic?


OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAL!


Oh, **excuse me** then. It's only being **watched** for *potentially* being a misogynistic hate group.


I'd be more concerned if he was telling the truth.


Well they dont actually deny it happened.
They deny that 6000000 died (they claim 200000-1000000) and they deny that there was a plan to exterminate all jews.


I have to say I am disappointed. I was expecting you to get killed by something silly from the last guy and have your team flame you.


I used to play soccer, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Maybe he was just too excited that the McRib was back.


This is true, I drove by earlier and saw a police car parked in their parking lot, one parked across the street, and two bike cops riding by.

I had to wonder how many cops would be outside of a black fraternity who had been caught in chants invoking racist violence against whites. They'd probably be there but to "investigate" the frat and try and bust them for drugs or alcohol.


I want to be friends with Josh.


Isn't there a whole subreddit for you and them not caring?

Edit: HHHRRNNG all my downvotes. They make me happy.


Ugh, sounds like my ex-wife.


No. What bullshit. The fact that you guys act as of he's a hero is disgusting

ITT other fat fucks who are afraid their boss is going to find out just the kind of predator you are


A bad Canadian late night semi-sketch comedy show did a joke about bringing topless girls across the border and the tits getting pixeleated.

EDIT: Pritty sure it was called suckerpunch.


Hmmm. I think most people love Drogba too. I know that I think Chelsea is a scumbucket of a club, but still have mad respect for Didier.


Hahah awesome. Not now chief I'm in the fucking zone


Beating someone up because of they stepped on your shoes? That's pretty cringe worthy in itself you god damn psychopath.


Or news shows setting up shitty debates between actual experts and some snake-handler from a hole in the ground in bumblefuck Alabama. Just talk to the fucking experts, don't bring on some lunatic snake-oil merchant for "balance"


fuck you for not learning how to read.
Did she say fit? No, she said "a lot of defined muscles".


Started from the bottom.


Implying EE has such a pleb taste in animes

Edit: holy shit hit the reddit downboat goldmine lmao. fucking anime spastics


Ha that's amazing. I've put frozen food in the cabinet before but sticking it to the fridge is another level of malfunctioning autopilot lol.


Would love to see your karma count if the little flair wasn't there. Such a whiner and so. lame.


Oh... He *literally* shit himself.


If it's needless to say, don't say it.


Working at McDonald's and having a manager stand up for you? You are one lucky stupid inbreed piece of shit.


tape you idiot. his personal tape as in mix-tape.


Or the fact that the male half of the expecting couple is still around.


I checked the pixels and it's obviously fake


Stephen Hawking, clearly.


HORRIBLE NEWS: With shipping to Canada the shirt comes out at around 27-28 dollars, meaning I can't put it on my card.

Is it possible to paypal myself the money from the card, and then cover the extra few dollars by myself?


Funny because that's the only thing you fit into


Do you really believe there was no reason?


You are thinking of an entirely different show, and that show is called: "Monkey Doctor".


Then why are you whoring for it? Also, no one give a shit that your husband is dead.


And Gendry finally stops rowing.


Why the hell do grown adults play Skylander? Also did this guy not have any of the Mario games?


You beat up a polish person, you sick fuck.


One of us, one of us.


The only guy that followed through on the threat to move to Canada if Obamacare got passed.


Please learn how to read.


And that is the story of Jordan Belfort.


Which is an extremely bad trait for a leader. Did we really vote in someone who would just give up half way through his second term?


not so funny now huh, /u/pidgerii?


I've been catching up on House of Cards. It's pretty great. How about you?


i do see parallels with homosexuality, it can be incredibly hard for an overweight person to come out of the closet. being as a closet door is only 2 feet wide.

source: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_standard_width_of_a_closet_door


Explain to me how your post contribute to the discussion


Maybe I'm an idiot, but I think you should be allowed to dress however you like without the state intervening.

Edit: http://i.imgur.com/7EhTATC.jpg


wtf does 'please dont i need work' even mean. do you need a comma or something. i cant tell what your saying. makes me think github hired retards who dont know how to type


I'm not single and its winter.... sorry SO, they will stay spikey like a cactus (his sons words)


you tried too hard, sorry.


Uhhh yeah. Once you buy one you can plant it and grow an Emu tree to get all the eggs you want for free.


didn't know, saw it on BF3 blog... Not gonna delete it know though, got a amount healthy of karma off it ;)


GUYS

GUYS

HE'S WRITING A TEXT-BASED ADVENTURE GAME

Get ye flaske.


Yeah fuck me for suggesting you fucking take care of your expensive as fuck electronics when you're fucking poor instead of acting like a six year old with his first N64.


Or so he thought! Now watch in this grade A comedy as Rob Schneider has to go back to high school just one more time! He lost a bet and now he's got to learn it all again! Rob Schneider! Rated PG-13.


They're probably against abortion on principle and that makes a lot of sense considering the political climate surrounding reproductive abuse and coercion of men.


Gave the "police" a piece of her mind?

What about her daughter...or daughter-in-law?


except for the Damon part.  he's a douche, and I cringe whenever I see him.

so it was like, oh this is funny, this is funny, this is funny.
oh this sucks.

turned it off.


South Harmon Institute of Technology?


more upvotes here please


Hes # 3 in the world, but #1 in our hearts.


Pedophiles are attracted to pre-pubescent children.

Under-developed sexual features such as small breasts are traits that pedophiles find desirable.

It may not be the real thing but a pedophile would undoubtedly find this woman more attractive than if she had DD's.


It took approximately 450 active hours done in 2 and a half month


Lol look at you using big words, I bet you think you're smart don't you?


He would just be lying there with two hands spilling out of his torn off torso

Edit: [Artist's Rendition](http://i.imgur.com/8AZ8cxe.jpg)


ok how many people did satan kill in the bible? 10. how many did god kill practically the whole human race.


> I like pussy way too much...

Like mother, like son


Ah, the old fucka-ducka-switcha-reverse-psychology spin...


I love how "horse girls" are a thing.  Does everyone know a horse girl?  I used to know one in school.


Bleed young Reddit, bleed.


Well, I am the very model of a thoughtful modern redditor,

I broke a scammy website with an HTML editor,

In following my perceived moral duties obligatory.

I stopped some scofflaw scammers in their quest to take my pay from me.


I can respect someone and still not comply with their wishes. We don't know that she doesn't respect him. All we know is that she has not altered her behaviors.

Why should his emotional concerns automatically take precedence over *her* emotional concerns? We don't know enough to say she doesn't respect him.


Were the bees flying or were you flying?


Get fucked.

EDIT: What the fuck?  Are we trying for a record here?


They were listening to coldplay.


Well yeah, now that she has it, it's starting to smell like fish.


This is a lot funner when you realize where the Ethernet cable plugs in

Edit: Thank you for the gold


>You look awfully young to have a child but what do I know I'm just some random stranger. But anyway your baby costume is so cute :D

FTFY

*I guess that wasn't as funny as I thought it'd be.*


Why wouldn't she keep it concealed? There's a dildo-shaped hole she can hide it in until she gets into the theater.


If I see the people from work, outside of work, I don't give them the satisfaction of them even thinking I know who they are. "I'm sorry, do I know you?" is the absolute best they can hope for.  With any luck they will think I'm an dick and won't talk to me at work.


Let me know when there aren't fat Americans and maybe then they'll stop posting about them.


Im just going to stay in and watch Netflix ~Live like you were dying!!~ .Donna


If you look at my post history you'd see I get it right more often then not. I didn't think you'd faggots get so buthurt about it. I'll try harder next time daddy


Because Bill Clinton said it?


I think you're right lol they talk shit to talk shit but give respect where its due


Okay but you're coming to my prom, though, right?


You guys do realize she just had a baby? She will probably go back to her normal weight soon.
EDIT: After being down voted to oblivion I realized which subreddit I was in....


Its when you bake bread, cookies or muffins using traditional Russian recipes then sell them to tourists.


I hope you're joking.


"safe from radiation" wtf is this. Microwave radiation is safe, probably safer than the radiation we get from the sun every day. It stops as soon as it's done. I swear some people think that microwaves use dangerous nuclear radiation to cook food.


Girl POV here, have done the same, again not in relationships.

I wouldn't say it's disrespectful, I wouldn't care if a guy I was dating shared a bed with another woman, I don't see why there's a big fuss; unless he doesn't trust her not to fuck the guy.


Um, I think it was probably scripted. I don't remember. Probably was scripted, yeah. Because with Marty, you don't want to do a lot of improvising. You want to do the script as written. Because usually that's pretty good.


There is nothing wrong with black people

(Edit: Spelling)


If you do this, make sure to occasionally rebalance the money so it looks like whichever religion is liked least in the area is the one donating the most; that will encourage people to donate more, to show they're more generous.


At least you didn't put an arrow in her knee!


Some people are just born with a silver dildo in their mouth.


I can't even get off if she's not wheelchair bound.


Romney said it better because he said it while being white.


I'll probably get downvoted for this, but I think everyone *except you* is being downvoted.


The president of the world.


TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL WITH YOU CRETIN!


That's dope! message me on twitter and we'll work it out.


WTF? that's bullshit. So many places where men have rights and there's no human rights (Afghanistan gives men many rights)

And really yallz pushing the Army as a litmus for being "equal" and  then talk about human rights? please..   go cry that one out in Iraq, or Syria....  FFS  you're all just talking out of your asses now


It's a miracle you were able to whip that together. Hell man, it was just beautiful.


By the sounds of it he wasn't a true Argentino, it really sounds like he was an indio. In Argentina the indios are known to cause all kinds of fuckery due to their abnormally small brain.


Maybe they drove past him and splashed him with muddy water.


Okay guy, except I did read the article and the title lists him as skyfall and star wars actor.  There really isn't any rational way one can argue this isn't sensational journalism.


You incredible son of a bitch.


One is a girl trying to go to school.

The other is a terrorist who danced in the streets on 9-11, and so obviously who gives two fucking shits about that fucking cunt? She's lucky they're not fucking strangling her to death, which is what they all deserve.

Nuke them from orbit. End the conflict.


We will eventually take pictures of Earth with Mastcam, along with other constellations.

[To tide you over, this is one from Spirit.](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/54/PIA05547-Spirit_Rover-Earth_seen_from_Mars.png)

-Keri/@KeriOnMars


best at aiding and covering up institutionalized rape

edit: oh sorry, did reddit forget that thousands of little boys were **RAPED IN THE ASS FOR DECADES** by priests and John Paul helped it happen? But who am I to interrupt a good jerk.


One of the ground rules I set with my wife when we first got together was that we not ask  impossible questions like that.


fuck you. why bring up the fact i dropped out no one needs to know that see this is what im talking about your not a brony your a fake asshole and these people need to know what a horrible person you are


This answer being >10 posts down the page shows just how much Reddit has grown.


I was your 100th up vote. You're welcome.


>"The prosecution has never asked, who started it?"

Well, obviously he beheaded her first...


Actually economic spending per student (adjusted for inflation) has gone up continually since the 20's.  The problems with the education system are largely in the hands of the teacher's unions (one of the most powerful lobby groups in America) which make it almost impossible to fire incompetent teachers.

I suggest the movie 'waiting for superman' to learn more.


She must've enjoyed it since she got pregnant


>"I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before I popped an arrow in his knee." - Genghis Khan

FTFY

EDIT: AHAHA, I strive for maximum absolute value of individual comment points, not a high total! You all played right into my scheme!


I feel so dumb that I only got it when I got to the "Darth Vader" part.


Don't get mad at me, you can't prance about on July 4 talking about GW and TJ without getting some pleasure out of government lackies overstepping their bounds being shot in the face from time to time.


I am sure the average male doesn't have patients.


ER RERLER? ERNTERERSTIN.


I think we found jimmy Fallon


The above comment has been reported as being spammy and racist. Did i get it right?

Please upvote me so i can continue to monitor this site.


I paused Supersize Me to get some McDonald's, but I don't think I was supposed to.


Not cool nor amusing.
Don't use sorry as a punchline at someone else's expense.

EDIT: It's not much to ask ourselves not to joke in someone's face when they're willing to open up and answer questions about their past. A decent human being could have left that kind of jeering outside of this thread.


He was pretty popular with cougars in his younger years.


too bad hell doesn't exist

i'm sure you consider yourself athiest, too

it's ok, we all wish bad things upon bad people. however hell is irrelevant and it makes you a hypocrite for using the term

edit: fishin for downvotes - mission accomplished


Beasts?? How big were they?!?


how do you know the daughter is in college? this looks like the anime stuff i use to draw in paint when i was 12 or so but not as good, so at most she is 10 yrs old... unless she's got down syndrome or somethin o_o


Just found my copy a few days ago. After 7 years, my dogs are a little thirsty but they're ok


Well your feelings dont affect reddit policy.


I'm the opposite - I only brush at night

Edit: I tell a slight lie. I keep a toothbrush in my desk at work for if I want to brush in the morning, but sometimes I can't be arsed. I'm getting better at brushing in the morning though. If I'm not at work that day though, fuck it.


Bet he can't count to potato


SIR I CANT SHOOT THEM

WHY NOT MAGGOT

hes kinda cute c;


Yea, because writing an image hosting app is *so* difficult, and there aren't already around a thousand of them out there...

EDIT: Fuck you, silent downmodders.


Did you get her halfway there?

Edit: So now both of my top comments are sexual puns. I am okay with this.


Haha I read "she has a snake headed ass to hypnotize people" -_- I need to slow down when I read.


Oh please tell me he got the faux wood paneling on the side


You must really be pathetic to spend this much time on reddit. Are you actually happy you are spending so much time on this site?


Bite my shiny metal ASCII


You've barely spent any time on this site posting at all, and that comment further proves you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.


They're on a quest to find Molly


Are you aware of how wrong you are?  I suppose you think the UN building is part of the US as well?


Need one for the mouse AMIRITE?!?!?!


please upvote me i'm tryin to get back to neutral karma but i cant by myself help me plz i used to troll but i'll be nice now i promise


I tend to go the Vanilla Ice route.

"Stop!"

"Collaborate and listen."


Who is "we", the retards who upvoted the story or the retards that upvoted you?

It is like stumbling into a bad neighborhood, a neighborhood of crazy socialist scum who want to take my hard earned money and pass it around to other scum.

"Share the Wealth" --Obama

edit:

tha's all you "Fucking Cockaroaches" got.


"No doc, I just lie there"


Wow, I'm just commenting to see how many downvotes I'll get being tied to you guys.


How come he don't want me, man?


And I have very, very, VERY, good reason to freak out on him.

I also freak out on you, for another VERY good reason.

"This is you don't have <friends>". How cliche. You read that from the "How to be a bully: for retards" book, yea?


I read the "raised one eyebrow" in his face


I used to have loud sex like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


*"10/10 I'd totally bang her. Oh wait, I already did !"* Then proceed to raise hand for a fist bump.


this needs more upvotes.


Room for one more?

*Awkwardly joins the hug*


If you hate kids that much, you must have some serious issues considering, you know, you were one.


THE REAL SWIM SHADY! Now I need a fish of my own.


Xpecial should take some responsibility and not just blame his teammates... why is he not making sure his team is there?

He has some growing up to do too.

EDIT: If you downvote, please explain why


If everyone knows you work back there, just start giving people knowing looks.  The one that turns beet red is the masturbater


Obviously you don't like our little test.  We were interested in measuring various networks' influence, but apparently have violated your sensibilities.  My apologies.  Don't take it personally.  It's actually a pretty cool story.


He looks like my dad, it's incredible.


MY DADDY SAYS DAT HE WISH DAT YOU WERE BURN WIT DA ODER JEWS FOR DA CWIMES AGANST DA GERMANIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LE GA GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I believe it's a warsh-rag.


If you're smart enough to do this you aren't going to be dumb enough to get caught.


As a male garbage disposal, I can confirm this.


I have no idea what I'm doing on this site. ever


We will all be known as faggot.


Who the fuck are you to require proof of her sexual identity?

Get the fuck out of here.


> I once woke up with a girl I didn't know

Awesome!

>and two of my fingers were

Aw yeah!

>broken.

Oh.


731 karma says im not :O


Wow, I can't wait to be the most hated person at the next party I'm at. ^just ^kidding ^I ^don't ^go ^to ^parties


Are you fucking kidding me?  In an idiot for pointing out a fact? Fuck you AND your horse.


They should really do a movie where the ugly person is actually ugly and end it with a bullied suicide. BUT sell the movie as if it were an uplifting tale.
From the producers of "The Princess Diaries"
*dark thoughts

edit: woke up to some first-time goooold. Thank you!


Can I hop on this negative karma train too?

Edit: I was not disappointed


I was wearing a mitten of sorts. You know, to be dignified.


We get posted here every day. Not much more you can link us without dedicating the entire sub to fatpeoplehate.


"AHA! I knew you were lying, there is no uncle Jim you hack!"
"Ahhhh  I see it now. The spirits were clouded by the negative aura created by your deception." If OP's mother is mislead enough to believe in psychics in the first place, she'll probably fall for it.


So is every person who wants prayer and Bible study back in the public school system a "scumbag", and/or every person who does not condone homosexuality?  I'm interested to know just how many millions of "scumbags" you think we have in this country.


It was too good not to! Though, I did tape this final note on our bedroom door.

[ http://i.imgur.com/FO0qxWb.jpg]( http://i.imgur.com/FO0qxWb.jpg)


If I had been the man, I would have taught the dog to hold its paw over the tape and when he was holding it, I'd release it so the tape would slice his paw as it retracted. That'll teach the dog that men are evil and you should never listen to a human, especially one that calls himself an "owner".


Cheating women logic: Fucking yourself into a bad situation and then trying to fuck yourself out of it.


What am I looking at here? A dog with something in it's mouth? Big deal.  Downvote, move along.


Maybe a little too honest?


The family just spent $50K on a wedding and your mom is worried about 3 people drinking a few beers.


Also, if you lose a limb, just slap the stump. Stops bleeding every time.

Source: am Slap Medic.

edit: My gold virginity has been taken! Thank you kindly, stranger. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta slap my gold hymen ... or what's left of it.


I'm not disagreeing with you, but isn't that what a good number of vocal feminists do? All they do is put down men.  Like, don't get me wrong, as a female, I'm all for equality and shit, but please don't forget that some women do this about as often as men.


A look at Internet trends reveals that Reddit will be gone within the decade.


the jackass is going for nostalgia upvotes, so stupid


My dad passed away two weeks ago, and I'm still struggling to come to terms with it. Sometimes it almost feels like he's just not home yet (like he's back late at the office) and then reality hits me that he's really gone, and the devastation and tears set in. This is the first time I've experienced such grief and it sucks balls.


I just want to lose some more karma


My sim had 10 charisma and a terribly unlucky love life. (His first six wives died.) He saw the grim reaper so often that their "friendship" reached 100.

Unfortunately, the bastard wouldn't come to my house parties or fundraisers.


Right? I will never understand how the likes of Rafael, Abate and even fucking Arbeloa are pro players. I could play better than them and thats coming from a real madrid fan.


But is it a skateboard for your fingers?


bait. bait... bait... bait... ASIAN!! ASIAN!! ASIAN!!

That is what I heard on that video anyway.


> The Dr ended up writing a journal article on it.

Dear diary. Today work was gross.


Not to be a dick but we could've easily banged in 2-3 in the last 30 minutes, while you had 1 huge chance in second half


It's okay as long as you don't refer to it as 'purple drank'.


MAHB ERT WERL BER ERN DA FERTER.


That's really great to hear!

I know how important the UI is, and that's why it's the way it is. It won't ever change from being super easy and simple.


lol so you all are antifeminism. Just remember that.


Can't. BF doesn't exist.


>People who have enjoyed large **sums** of alcohol

ITS SUMS NOT AMOUNTS


The yacht was a nice touch


No.  There are no such things as witches or wizards, and being one is like being a unicorn, which is to say, not being anything.

People are responding to this question who are heavily into fantasy games and stories and are replying as if details of these games/stories have some meaning in the general society and images in society.


not when there is a russian woman inside


Mine would of killed her.


No, I dreamt about Michelle Pfeiffer in those days.


The joke is that you're a moron who can't communicate with other human beings?


☑ STAR TREKT

Edit: Thanks to you guys my comment karma is on its way to go where it has never gone before!


The *ad hominem* attack against religious people in your post ("bigots") demonstrates that your question is actually not "serious" and therefore is not deserving of a response.

*Please don't downvote an otherwise acceptable post because you don't personally like it.*


piano lessons! or even a cheap as free midi controller... plenty of free utilities and programs out there to start experimenting.


No, it still seems important. Let's not get so dramatic just because we happened to know one of the many people that died of cancer today, albeit a good person.


Your foreskin make you weak.  My foreskin -- cut from me as baby!  Make my penis strong and hard like Ural mountain!  Not decadent and weak like soft little pink gumdrop.  My penis hard like dinosaur hide.  Your penis delicate like little girl pubic mound.  Your penis burn from alcohol.  My penis use to stir boiling cabbage and beets.


LETS ARGUE WHERE IT SHOULD BE.


I don't think anyone sounds creepy to deaf girl.


As a beta tester you should be giving 1 stars to the apps that crash so the developers know they need to fix it. Part of the reason they give betas this early is so people can find bugs an report them. The star ratings are refreshed when they update.


We also have a guy who does very bad watercolor portraits if you're interested.


Hi would also like to has some karma


100, but if the kid really wanted it and only had like 80, we'd always give it to them because who fucking cares?


> The sign talks of denied vacation time

I also believe everything I read from angry laid off workers written in magic marker.

>  In Washington, paid vacation is considered earned wages.

So call L&I or a lawyer and stop whining. Everybody here expects the company to do something instead of y'know... workers actually doing something.


Asked a kid this once, cause I was curious what he'd say. He told me "it's a refrigerator". I looked at him blankly, and asked how he could possibly have come up with that.

He looks at me like I'm stupid and says "well, when you want to save something, you put it in the refrigerator"

I could not deny his logic.


Like this if you've logged into this account!


Watching shit like that makes my feet tingle. I hope its fear of heights and not the diabetes.

Edit: Today at least 30 men have told me about their tingling balls.


ask me anything. anything. get it, dumbfuck?


Get. The. Fuck. Out.

This is not okay behaviour


Scumbag Redditors: Complain about not being able to get jobs, quit jobs.


a very nice monkey suit


Not really, she's not nearly as hot as redditors say she is. Honestly, I score better looking chicks than that all the time.

EDIT: Great, I'm being downvoted by jelous virgins. -_-


Of course that was on purpose.. I could blame my mobile phone for autocorrect. But this... was... on ..purse

Edit: I got Gold? Wow thank you. Hope that someday i will be drone in gold


Wow, are you retarded? Do you honestly believe defrost would clear that up? Wtf is wrong with you?

You're the reason we have shows like Toddlers in Tiaras. You're stupidity astounds me. How have you survived this long when you're just so damn retarded? Please, just kill yourself.


I can say with full confidence that he'd rather toss you a hardie.


Considering that probably took him all of 10 seconds, yeah.


Is famous

Parents don't care.


Who the fuck up votes retarded comments like this?


*DOES NOBODY HERE "WIPE TILL ITS WHITE"?!*


"cut"
no pun intended...how did no one say this sooner?


But then you lose out on the stereo quality


hijacking top comment -- if you can do practice customs or 2v2s with CrazyMoving then I will watch you forever


How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, they are remarkably efficient and not very funny.


Yes, that literally is not abuse. Consensual sex is the furthest thing from abuse.


Don't forget the existence of hills more than 9ft high.


Wasn't meant to be a lie just when I opend the text.


Holy shit, that username.


EVWY TIM I HEARD DA SONG ABOUT DA MAN I THINK ABOUT DA TELLWETUBBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMMY I WANA WATCH DA TEWEVISON GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


my sister does this! she went to get a spray tan once and i told her it looked fake and she said "thats because it is fake" all snarky and i said "well good cause it looks like it" and then her car broke down like a week later and asked if i could drive her to the spray tanning place and i said "yeah, i guess" and i took her and she paid for me to get one too.


You missed a P in tripppple.


He was an odd fellow. He had no problem murdering millions and yet people under his rule had freedoms comparable to the many freedoms we have in today's western society. Like the fact that he didn't give a shit what religion you are and a focus on education and whatnot.


And people say us English folks have bad teeth =p


thanks you fucking ass. At least edit the spoilers out, I only just finished ASOS and skim read this comment, taking in enough to ruin most anyway.

Can a mod delete both these comments ASAP?


The internet would break


Yeah, when girls leave the seat up it makes men fall in, totally the same thing.


That was the best part. "Well I guess my shrill cries aren't getting me anywhere... maybe this car will help me... nope... Okay, back on bike I go. FML"


Who the fuck are you and why should I take anything from you? Fuck you.


>confortable

What are you, French? Because of "Je suis Charlie"?

My father told me whores are dangerous at both ends and very comfortable in the middle.

Edit: Downvoted by SJWs who are triggered by the word "whores" when they exist in real life.


Her parents probably still talk about the one nice boy she's dated that she fucked it up with. I've had that effect before.


So, um, what joke are you most proud of writing that you actually, you know, wrote?


I'm going to guess it was a lot less painful than the stares.


eh what how did u find a letter with his username on it? o_O seriously i think your lying


This is a real AMA... Fuck OkCupid.


I still don't think you did much at all. The world doesn't revolve around you.


This is how like 90% of stories on Reddit end.


Not mitigating her risks is her fucking fault.  She's an adult.  Ah, the soft bigotry of low expectations...


That's a great way of putting it.

Swayze fan posters, people smoking in a public building! I was around during that era and it still looks so foreign to me.

He really caught a lot of great moments.


Hijacking this post. I'm not gonna lie, I just want karma and this is clearly the place to get it. But to answer the question, no, I have not posted to gonewild.


Seriously! Like,  why haven't I thought of this?


I think this relationship can almost definitely be saved. It was a mistake and a stupid one, but if it was a one time thing, then that can be overcome with communication and honesty.
EDIT: Damn, Reddit, I promise that I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever advise a couple to stay together again.


Lol, I just pictured you being like, "dude, just let me suck your dick, it's the least I could do."


fuck off your thread is full of fail and you smell like old sweaty bogan you westy cunt go to the pub and throw your money away on expensive spirits you disgusting trumpet stroking FAGGOT


Now, if you kill him, you get to absorb all his powers and become even stronger in this universe. Also, you get the spaghetti and Nutella.


Is NO ONE going to admit that it's possible that someone on Reddit repeated a joke without understanding how the joke works? Is it REALLY more likely to everyone that he's confusingly created a new joke based on an alternate meaning? Rather than just "yeah, that's not really how the joke is used"?


It's realistic. Those dudes have platypus dicks.


It's almost as if he's.... a *footballer*


My speed is a bittersweet curse,

In bed I'm simply the worst,

By coming too fast,

I get no more ass,

But on Reddit I'm always the first


Actually, I think he was referencing the fact that you can't open the refrigerator.


Europeans go so hard.


I'm sorry, Furfaidz, no. *Obviously* neither should happen. However, "misandry" used in the same context and relevance that we say "misogyny" simply does not exist. There is no societal discrimination and oppression against men. Giving them equivalence (i.e. both are bad, both shouldn't happen) shrouds the history and weight of discrimination against women.


"You're the first girl he paid attention to since I bought him that pillow when he was 13!"


Ever is a strong word.  "Right now" or "Any time in the near future" is more realistic.  Your life, your thoughts, your plans, your desires may change.  Fact of life.


because you need at least two, and they work together to keep it only two.


didn't think people would find that, didja?

next time, use a throwaway


you might have the gay


Yeah they ruin the experience


What you mean to say is this:

>There is a shortage of perfect movies in this world.  It would be a pity to not watch this one.


if by several, you mean 12, then yeah.


What percentage of this game will involve dragon sex?


>Go to google. Type "reddit frozen clothes"

1) That isn't obvious

2) That didn't yield the results you hoped. http://i.imgur.com/Dqrfb.jpg

3) Nobody gave a fuck: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/no9r7/reddit_help_how_do_i_propose_to_my_girlfriend_of/


They're MINERALS, Marie!


You sound retarded. If I suffered from amnesia, i would have the intelligence to recognise that its amnesia and not some dubious plot to freak me out with no other motive.


And barbeque. Delicious smoked barbeque.


How many times have you dropped the soap so far? Does 1 guy fuck you or it it multiple people taking turns? Is there a fucking schedule? Is it black guys or white guys too? How big are their cocks? Have you ever bled from it?

edit: Also, is there/has there been double penetration?


> It is easy to obey those who rule over me.

*Holy* crap.


Do "honest, responsible gun owners" really need armor piercing ammunition?


Traveling to china! Oh my it used to seem unreachable when I lived in Kansas!


That's from South Park and not a real product.


*Shit, can't read my notes.*


they dont have to "Joke"
I would have kicked him at the first round.


You can see the gears turning in that picture. He's thinking "I don't want to be a dick, but I also don't want a picture of me looking like a meth addict showing up on TMZ. What do I do?"


This is fucking [gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.](http://i.imgur.com/4Y93S.png)

That guy on the left is so gay it's not even debatable.

Reverse watch, homo sideburns, the "knee feel," perfect hair even after a night of debauchery.

He's practically sucking that guy's thumb.


Goddamnit Dee, you goddamned bitch, move the dumpster!


Depends on how you define P2W.  If implants are P2W, then yes you may not like everything in the future.


Plus, student teacher relationships are messy.


Aww, the poor baby is upset.  I want to pinch your cheek buttercup.


And sometimes, you may get back in the wrong way.

EDIT: my one to best comment right now is about accidental buttsex. Thanks, reddit.

EDIT 2: Best comment...


AND YOU GET A DOWNVOTE!


The story is I stepped on a IED in Afghanistan. 5lbs of homemade explosives. Enough to toss my left leg about 150ft away. I also shattered my pelvis, ripped open my groin and broke my right hand. I'm at Walter Reed now doing rehab.


Yeah because they are probably really expensive, still full of bullshit and taste bad.


My Dad took me and a buddy from basic training out to a Waffle House the day we graduated. We ate $87 in waffles and omelettes. I offered to pay but my Dad insisted it was worth the money to watch us eat like death row inmates.


You're a douchebag, not the guy in the pic.


Tell her you don't mean to snoop,

But she's gotta clean her poop.

EDIT: Now everyone's rhyming...

I don't mean to sound sour,

But this isn't Amateur Hour.


You should leave the site and go to some more appropriated more annoying feministig insane board. Or only post to /r/srscancer


I went to 1.5 inch when I was 16. Now I'm 27 and have butthole ears.  New people I meet no longer look me in the eyes,  they just stare at my ears. The most annoying part is 2 out of every 3 cashiers have something to say about it.


You mean someone with 0 class?


My kid is never going to Chuck e Cheese


Cheyyy... why u talk lidat ah? Singapore first world country also wan. We get memes and internet as much as western angmoh countrys leh

For so long me and my friends post to /r/singapore and nobody pay attention loh. Only when in /r/funny... singapore people also funny lor

For being stupiak chao angmoh I cacak you with **downvote** ^ _ ^


thcarlett johanthon jutht hath a thultry look to her, tho thexy


Because fuck you OP

Edit: YESSSSSS, ONE OF MY GOALS HAVE BEEN FULFILLED. MORE UPVOTES ON ONE OF MY COMMENTS THAN THE ORIGINAL POST. YEAHHHHHHHHH


.enco emosewa taht eb ll'I epoh I .tseb eht saw woem elttil tsrif ehT


Putting on some old spice, listening to the spice girls, while smoking spice, and drinking a pumpkin spice latte with a jalapeño between your buttcheeks probably won't help. You should listen to this guy.


Steals keys

Lets everyone on reddit know hes returning it to get karma instead of just PMing the guy


The first time I read this I pictured a SWAT team lead by your mom.


Well, in a certain sense, it is true. Among my peers, I am able to put certain concepts into terms they can understand. Understanding me as a person, however, is beyond most people's reach XD.

But I tend to have more knowledge than many of my peers.


Oh I absolutely hate when one person makes an awkward comment and everyone laughs just to go dead silent at another awkward comment. To me it's just a group of people being dicks.
Edit: Hey lots of up votes. Thanks reddit.


and childhood obesity will thrive!


Tell her "A butt tuba" spelled backwards is still "A butt tuba"

Because I learned this from the Oatmeal. And it made me laugh.

And I sense your daughter and I have this in common.


Hah, you are one maaaaad little racist.

Tell me how much *you* care about her?


There was a lot of grinding


No, the nigger shit fuck who thinks anyone cares about his sickly future welfare abuser, deserves a fucking beating.


best thing is not having to worry about money ever, worst is the way others act around me.


well in jitsu our national sensai who was about 65 basically walked around eyeing up all the 18 year old women. :D

power brings da bitches.... and he was fucking good at jitsu as well for a man his age.... outstanding.

But yeah .... every guy on the PLANET will look once


Wait, isn't Tokyo in Japan?


... and for the kid building the sandcastle spaz out and throw an embarrassing temper tantrum instead of taking it in stride, knowing that people are *always* looking to kick over the sand castles.

Cumbersome metaphor aside, rocket really needs to nut up.


I really hope heaven exists so that people like you get to go there.


"Do you ever wish you went into comedy like your parents?"


"Why would I want to go towards where that waving man is? I don't even know him."


I used to beat that dead horse, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Thank you for caring.


Because she's not a raging lunatic?


OP literally just picked up a girl by saying his was 6' 6" and making a front page post.

What the fuck?


Seriously? Are you an 80 y/o woman?


Do people still look down at the keys?

EDIT: Based on the downvotes, I am guessing yes. Well, learn to type plebs it's 2015.


**MEEEOWTH!** *That's right!!*


Part of the reason? Its most of the reason. Most effective ad campaign I've ever seen. The trailer itself felt like a short film.


and you're pointing this out why? you must be so intelligent :D

and so what? it's still cheating and you're still an asshole for cheating.


your grammar makes me want to vomit glass.


Terrible analogy.

>all reasonable safety precautions

I took all the reasonable precautions. The guy with a loaded gun did not. You're an idiot.


well, why dont you post a link so he could actually do this?


Yes. I do actually! You got the same guy.


Yeah but they're mega blocks. There's nothing quite as disappointing as asking for legos and getting mega blocks instead


he's probably dead....


I like that too.  Do the nice things, crack a couple iron man jokes, that's it, don't make an overly dramatic show of it.

I hate the charity videos where you can almost hear the "In the arms of an angel" song going in the background


Awful? Yeah. Mean? Sure. But it will happen every time. Why are people not more careful with that stuff if that's how they feel about it? I don't understand how little people think about repercussions.


Targeting Texas is like targeting one of your buddies who's kinda dumb and loud but really lovable. Targeting Alabama is like targeting the little brother that idolizes that guy but is also has mild to moderate downs syndrome. We kind of want to but it just feels mean.


So...no sense of shame or empathy? You're kind of sick.


So creed at the office Halloween party?


Not if it is true.  So many men rape children, like at Penn State, so the chances of it being libel are slim.


Fun fact: She eventually moved into the porn film industry. The claim is supported by her [Wikipedia page](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaimee_Foxworth) and is further proven in this [NSFW video of her getting slammed in the ass.](http://www.tube8.com/ebony/jaimee-foxworth-anal-scene/22917/)


Should've known better. The poor photoshop, the terrible joke, the copyright infringement. It was all there!


I SAID $7 AND I MEANT IT.


Oh hey, how about adding something relevant to the link instead of this bullshit. Have a downvote.


Can someone show me how to make meat balls I typed in the search before but nothing worked. Thank you


10 year old me was banging the babysitter...get like me


can someone explain the humor in this genuinely curious here
edit: without downvoting me, thanks redditors i know you are upset because i dont find your memecaster funny


It seems you have no idea what people round here hate :)

Edit* hahaha, you bastards :)


"This video has been removed due to a copyright claim from Sony/BMG Music"


you forgot dyrus

*never* forget dyrus

YOU DARE DOWNVOTE #1 DYRUS FANBOY??? PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM


its truly mind blowing how far this is going without so much as a peep from the magical good cops.


Will have to give it another shot. Watched the first few episodes and I was bored out of my mind. That and I think Amy Poehler is one of the ugliest, if not *the* ugliest, woman on television and couldn't stomach watching her for more than an hour.


What do you call an average potato? A commentator.


She fucked her daily with a strapon dildo until she was cured.

EDIT: downvotes? seriously?


Jesus. If you had no legs you could guilt trip someone into just about *anything*.

^^^But ^^^you ^^^still ^^^couldn't ^^^normal ^^^trip ^^^them.^I'm ^^^^so ^^^^sorry.


Really, since that is what some people do for a living, ask for donations. Make you feel like shit on commercials like the animal ones, I didn't necessarily think saying anything would help, was begging for donations.


Not safe while farting


Even would seven cherub high not like have gone.


That guy must be rain man. P.S. proof http://imgur.com/5Vdh8


WOOK AT ME!!!!!!!!!!! I'M DA WHITE KNITE OF DA WEDDIT DAT CAME TO SAVE ALL DA BABBY FRWOM BEING MOLESTERED FOR DA KARMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


To me this is a 200% success rate.


Yup. they have been leaked.

its cho, as it says with his ulti blabla found you beast.

dude

its cho.


"I feel hot...I feel hot..." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Sgc1I9sjfc

Apparently the brothers catch this audio of a Russian woman who burnt up in space during a secret mission


mods pls ban anyone who says fam in the comments. including me. I just said it. if I don't get banned I'm gonna be pissed.


I think people grossly underestimate the miracle of indoor plumbing. You shit in a ceramic bowl and your poop fucking disappears. Then you wash your hands in water that appears as if from nowhere by turning a fucking knob. I'd take having a shitter and sink in my house over plastics,  wheels, or any of the other shit people are coming up with in this thread.


She lives in a shitty situation I'd like to get her out of ASAP.


There are Europeans in them


Mmhm... tasty *fap fap fap fap fap fap*


Alternatively, sometimes I get my phone, look at the time, put it back in my pocket and realise I forgot the time I saw.

I am not a smart man.


Pearls before swine...


You should post it to /r/mildlyinteresting and watch confusion unfold.


Yo I'm happy for you and all but man, there is a line where it becomes creepier than funny and you crossed that shit.

*edit: No regrets, I stood up to the spurclejerk and I got spurclejerked...


Instead, they'll get a 7 figure job from nestle in a couple of years.


Lmao!

YES YES YES YES


An exceptionally good time to buy a woman flowers is when *she* fucks up. A week after my dad bought a new car my mom scratched up the side of it on a cement pillar in a parking garage. She was obviously mortified. My dad comes home from work like a boss, a dozen roses in his hands. My mom has been telling this story for twenty years now.


> I love fucking

FTFY


Haha!  I'm pretty sure I'm miles away from even being a contender, nor would I ever expect it.


How about fuck you too?


How can pain be real if we aren't real?


Damn, am I too late for the anti-karma train?


> we banged the bejeesus out of that bed

Yeah you did


Yeah, thanks for taking my tax dollars and murdering innocent civilians with them.  At least sometimes you take a break from being an international criminal and play fantasy video games.


That explains why they're all riding.

They heard the Walker guy dies.


I hate to break it to you, but the lowest I've ever scored on a standardized IQ test is 148, and I've scored as high as 166.


OP sucked on those perky tats. God bless him


Not really.  Notice how you said "women's"?  "Women" is term used that implies respect.  NessaTesla called these particulars "females".  This gives the implication that she considers them animals, presented for observation.

I completely agree and also hate "females."


Twenty bucks says this is a 40 years old obese rapist


Wow I finally took a look at that subreddit. What a bunch of whiny bastards.


All you had to say was Florida.


No one cares about KiA anyway this place really is becoming a hugbox in the past month we've only gotten 2k subcribers.


They play race and gender cards like that shit's magic the gathering


No one cares.

Edit: Queen is pleb shit.


I was elected to lead, not to read!


Who else reads these in TayZonday's voice?


This was a Soviet joke during the space race:

Q: Is it true that the Soviet space program is superior to the American space program?

A: Yes. Some cosmonauts have already landed in heaven.


I would have tried desperately to save your friends life!

I'm so sorry.

^^^^No, ^^^^I ^^^^would ^^^^have ^^^^masturbated ^^^^on ^^^^her ^^^^dead ^^^^corpse. ^^^^Lol.


No, his father was abusive.


First I was embarrassed for your comment. Then I was embarrassed for your username. Downvote.


That's my strategy. Oh wait you were talking about the memory eraser!

Edit: Thanks for the gold, sure is flashy!


Nostalgia? From a Gamecube game? lmao


Forced romance drives me nuts. I'm looking at you Peter Jackson.


...its the internet not school...


Its like throwing money at hobos.

Tiny little hobos...


BETA AS FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That old couple stole your dog dude. They most likely finally took the dog to a vet or shelter for the first time where they found the chip. Then they probably aproached the older couple saying "this isn't your dog." To which anyone not wanting to get in trouble would be like "oh well we only had him for a month and just haven't had time to bring him in.


I hate myself.  I really do.  I don't know why I'm so fucked up.

Edit: Also, I didn't spit in her face.  I spit on the ground in front of me while facing her.  I know I'm a piece of shit but even I wouldn't spit in somebody's face.


I wish I had single friends

>I wish I had friends

fuck.


Bitch, I wasn't rude, shit! Give a little credit!


Reminds of the time I was in my Calculus II class when the professor asked a really awkward and quiet Chinese guy to solve the problem on the board. The kid walked up to the board and just stared at it, not sure what to do. The class was silent... until another Asian stood up and said, "Don't dishonor our famiry!"

Even the professor couldn't hold back.


Sometimes it's funny how you guys use your computers for porn. I haven't done that in years. My "porn" is in my head, I use my imagination, and I can both write and draw erotic art really well, so I just don't need technology to fulfill my basic human needs anymore.


!

Wontonspecial, woof woof! It's been 1052 days since I last saw you, woof woof. Do you hate me or something, woof woof?


Only niggers fight. Niggers can't afford computers. There are, therefore, no niggers on Reddit. And thus, you're as dumb as a nigger.


The sharks were originally supposed to be dancers from Mesa Community College but 2-3 days before the performance Katy decided she wanted her own people in costume.


This hardly looks like a scene of shelling where jars are safe and she looks as intact as one can be.


I left ours out for about a month. In the end, the flies were reproducing in the bag and the maggots ate the dead flies. Repeat.  Circle of life.


I used to post overused gifs, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


A conservative political science professor at that! I was explaining a few things to some posters in the debate topic. Not much worse than some students I've had.


HI WEDDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMY WHY DOS DA PENSILVANIA N DA WEDDIT LIKE DA BABBY PORN???????????????????? GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I'd be happy to get this framed and put up in the new reddit office. PM me.


However, my laptop is outfitted with mobile broadband, standalone GPS, bluetooth 4.0, 802.11ac wireless, and a 6GHz range SDR, and an 18 hour battery life, so, I do got that.

To the downvotes: Thinkpad with Debian, gobi 2000, atheros ar9462, hackrfone. Some people do like to do [this](http://i.imgur.com/sJLLsAX.png)


It's why relationship plots in anime never seem to bloody go anywhere.


ERMAHGERD, PERRERNTS ERNT ERS STERPERD ERS YER THERNK THER ERR


This is the first time I think I've ever seen anyone on reddit actually *compliment* a post title instead of complaining about how awful it is.

10/10 comment, warm fuzzies. Would read again.


And that's not just a theory....it's a game theory, thanks for watching!


well that got dark quick.


It absolutely was not going to be. Double lift was WAY to far behind to do any kind of damage at all.


because network TV doesn't know the internet exists yet.


TIL fagfuckerfag lives up to his name


When I was in Iraq my cousin (6 or 7 at the time) asked "did Bang_o_rang die yet?
My aunt: no, why would you ask that?
Cousin: because that's what happens.  You join the army then you die.


"boys like him." so...girls?


Everyone loves a circlejerk, but no one wants to clean up afterwards.


Are you fucking retarded? Any tragedy is a tragedy. I'm sure someone would shed a few tears over YOUR lame ass kicking the bucket.


Actually, it's downright decent.  Finish the relationship before starting the next one.  I'd rather getting broken up with th*a*n getting cheated on *and* broken up with.

Edit: fixed the grammar misstep.


Why do you want to see pictures of it? You obviously don't get enough action, therefore having to settle with wanting pictures of women. The person who wrote this isn't going to demean their mother, nobody in their right mind would do that to their own mother. You don't get out enough.


I'm in the PGR. SPC Faith's Funeral is also a confirmed mission already. I notified the leader of the mission to prepare for the Westboro Batshit Crazies.


What you fail to realize my good sir is exactly how disgusting the animal depicted here is. There is only one other animal more disgusting than the billy goat and that is the feather demon that everything tastes similar too.


She wasnt a sharpie either.


>I find the use of the word 'murder' in your name offensive.

Times anyone's complained about my username when not obviously concern-trolling: still zero.


No matter who says this to me, it always makes me feel special to know someone cares enough to ask for that text.


I do this thing with your mom that she says is COMPLETELY original... And she should know.   Wink wink


Also, the tower technically fell


Best comment in the thread award.


recording engineer here: many of us consider it unethical (and yeah it •should• be illegal) to put sirens/car horns into radio spots. I've consistently refused to do it, and this has put me at odds with more than one creative director.

edit: gold! Thanks!


That didn't even make sense, dumbass. Try thinking up your own jokes rather than just regurgitating tired memes


This is called soaking.


I fapped to this comment.


That made me both happy and very, very sad. :(


WE MUST RID THE WORLD OF HOMOSEXUALS BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY


But think about this: did they ever say whose penis they were going to enlarge? The truth is that while they may not have enlarged your penis, they are certainly enlarging mine... as we speak my penis is becoming much larger at the thought of you having diarrhea.

PM me.


Only in America do they think cutting a foot off the bottom of the blanket and sewing it onto the top makes the blanket longer.


Somebody get this man a Nobel Peace Prize!


I personally would choose zidane over zlatlan

Edit: dam, i guess France is shit in terms of football.


Hahaha no the white guy is my boyfriend and the other is my father


How fucking amazing. You commented 10 minutes ago and have 10 upvotes, while people who commented 2 hours ago are just barely breaking 20 upvotes.

Vote manipulating cunt.


This is PR done right


No thanks. I'll keep it out here in public. Atheists built this technology and we're not going to hide note that theists have figured it out.


Boy, that escalated quickly


TIL if you are old enough to have watched this show, you need to drink  your prune juices, grandpas


Most redditors will die virgins


>she is a wonderful mother

I hate this. I hate this type of shit so very much. A cheater is barely human, let alone being capable of being a parent. God damn it and God damn you all who think they should be allowed to actually have any sort of influence over small children.


If you crush someone at making dessert of course they want a rematch. That means they get to eat your dessert again.


So have you ever had an original thought?


You really think reddit is mature enough to not do that, HALF_BONER?


H..h..h..ey..  O..oo.ooo..P, n..nn.no o.o.o..one g.g...g..g..g.iv..v..v..e..s a.a..a.aa..a.a.a..a.a.a  s...shh..shh.shh..it


As soon as the dude said "you're locked in here.." I saw it coming. From a mile away.

My reaction: "They wouldn't......"

Guess they figured Hollywood forgot the Watchmen movie already. It's such a cool line too. Can't blame them for using it, shameless as it is.


Eh, most of them are dead or were made for a one-off joke. If you were to pare it down to active subreddits with any real community it'd drop to ~30. And if you were to removed subs from that list that were stupid and require no moderation (like /r/catseatingpasta) then it'd probably be closer to 20. It's really manageable, especially since I don't mod any of those subs by myself.


Thanks for supplying a photo of a small trophy, really appreciate it.


The child that was sick had been vaccinated..  So much for that theory!


They haven't done any custom work on the fans for this server. They're all stock fans.

¯\\(°_o)/¯


Are you implying something sexual? What is this? Is Reddit just a bunch of teenagers? *sigh*

I'm praying for the parents of these CHILDREN to grasp hold of the LORD. Maybe then they'll lead these sheep towards our Shepard. :)


> Dunno know why.

I'm high as fuck and I just spent 2 minutes reading that part of your post.


wheat + idra + painuser + incontrol + destiny = 5 ALSO you are misunderstanding the entirety of this conversation. It's best you step back and just try and read along.


> self taught, forced to quit school because his parents couldn't afford it

God I feel lazy


I mean I do not believe on whim. I must have true facts and evidence for my perception to be altered. These are the tenets of atheism. Something I believe a fundie wouldn't grasp.


Well this is awkward.  Now that you mention it, it's very likely that I do.  I'm sure I still have it somewhere around here if you want it back.  Indeed, some of the credit goes to you.  Sorry about that.   :(

--bcs


I don't listen to people who think completing tedious tasks are great accomplishments.


In all fairness, dragon meat is delicious.


double whoosh!! I knew he was joking stupid!!!! hahah


"So hey, after killing off the dog, do you wanna buy a dozen ducklings to punt into the lake?"


Yeah.   You'd hope that she'd have better taste in movies.  I blame the parents.


And that is how she lost track of time.


it was the terrorists

ok folks lets see, can this go sub 200? 300?


TIL

Larry King is not a goat.

Thanks for making me laugh.


so youre saying shes a slut?


Again, devout Mormon, happily married family man, etc.  But luckily my wife has a weird "game show contestant" role-playing fantasy, so yes.  Yes it did.


He didn't you ass. Floridans would know that we're not plagued by mosquitoes all year, so I'm guessing you're not and are just running your mouth because it's "cool" to hate on our state.


So in reality, if Benjen Stark's girlfriend would ask Jon Snow about her boyfriend's whereabouts, Jon Snow would know nothing..

EDIT: I want to make love to the person who gilded me, right now in this cave! Thanks!


A joke that easy shouldn't be this funny.

[Well done](http://mylittlefacewhen.com/f/583/)


Don't feel bad, he deserved it 100%.


hurr durr anti-French jokes


"Yep, this *is* a dead body. Job complete! Let's head out to the next one, men!"


You know there is a place for people like you --->[grammarnazi](http://www.reddit.com/r/grammarnazi) , thank you for pointing out my error though, unfortunately I don't have the time to proof read my comments at work.


It's basically detroit


Whatever cunt, that shit was funny.  Sorry homegirl had spoiled white girl problems she couldn't handle

Edit: your downvotes make my rapestick grow stronger


I thought being drunk would help with that problem... It does.

But now I have a new problem: I can't remember what funny/stupid things I've done.


>That's fucking rough seas...

FTFY


He was seven when he started, we've got a fapping savant.


1. Yes.
2. Yes.
3. No.
4. Occasionally.
5. True.

Also, I love your formatting! -Chambo


You need to also make one real one, for yourself, and walk away eating it to hook them all in!

You can be like 'I just found these here, but damn this is delicious!'


Hey, it's your bed.

I will not miss you, or your gay sex, faggot.


In episode 2F09 when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib twice in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is some sort of a magic xylophone or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.


Did you post this picture with an unconscious disregard of the scars showing? Surely you would think that the scars would be more of an "attention getter" then the sleeping cat.


And between those stages of metamorphosis is Florida Man.


You're missing the context here.


Imagine this.  You're in the party with your friends.  Playing SnD.  Game winning kill.  Then suddenly...

UN DOS TRES QUATRO BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP


Points...we're keeping score?


- A 60 second Super Bowl ad goes for $8 million, so $80 million over 10 minutes.
- 111.5 million people watched the last Super Bowl representing 1.59% of the worlds 7 billion population, or 1 in 62.5 people.
- $80 million x 62.5 = $5,000,000,000.

So help me if one person chimes in with /r/theydidthemath I will lose it.


If you can't say something nice, hurr durr herpdy whoo


You realize that slaughtering womp rats for fun is a characteristic serial killers posses?


We're talking about Lady Gaga here

Edit: Oh no! I've angered the gays by insulting their god! Please don't crucify me with your downvotes!

lol


That's what she said.


Pretty defensive of a guy who has a major game you've never played. Yeah - that sounds realistic *[rollsyeyes]*


At least I don't have to hide anymore :)


Saying nigger. LOL. Calling andrewsmith1996 a shitlord. NO! NOT LOL

Pretty much you ^. What he said was offensive, even if you don't find it to be.


*"If gettin' mad pussy is a game, then I'd rather be playing the classics"*

~B.F. Banklin


Because reacting with violence are the best thing you can teach your children. What about calling the cops and have him arrested?


Because its probably fake


Ah yes, Reddit, such a bastion of logic and reason. Where a .txt file (which could never, ever be fabricated) is considered "proof". loooooool


I'm really four men, a fax machine and a GPS handset. Don't tell anyone, we're working on something.


Two words: reading comprehension.


You always remember your first. It was one of my first managerial roles and it was one of a series of back-to-back interviews.I had to call up my dad that evening (who had a career in HR) and asked, "Was this normal?" His reply, "No. That is definitely not normal."


I don't care if he bags a fucking hat trick against us. He's a fraud, mark it down. Latest in a long line of vastly overrated Spurs players.

EDIT: I'd just like to thank the good lord for giving everyone else so much, and me so little. It's made me into the hater I am today.


"Man I'm so bored. If only I had something to. Oh wait, I can study"

You are what my parents wish I was


It was in plain sight, I have every right to look at things that are laying about.


Imma ask what these folks are scared to ask...that bitch have it coming?


LmAo ArE YoU ReTaRdEd ?


Of course homeopathy works. That's why we buried Bin Laden at sea... to cure terrorism.


Ask him if he's OK? Christ, where's basic "talking to other people"? Maybe he just lost a bet. Maybe he's just really confused because of dementia. Offer him a ride? Give him your coat?

 If you really have to call someone else to help him, call the fire department directly. Don't risk bringing the increasingly militarized police force into the picture if you don't absolutely have to.


DNA check your son while you are at it.


I used to smell like Daisies, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


That's because modern automotive glass is not the same material used in dinnerware. This shit is state of the art and does NOT fucking break from sudden temperature changes. Seriously. HOly fuck reddit.


Now much did the fact that you wer ethe "godparent" have anything to do wiht this though? Is it even relevant?


Did that stop people from beating it?


What does dubs mean?

edit: I'm proud that this is my most downvoted comment.


It would be towards the end, wouldn't it?


He looks like a nimrod in this picture. I find it a little weird how far people will stretch their definition of attractiveness.

"Well... he's not fat. He doesn't have a neckbeard. Sure, he may be making a retarded facial expression...but did I already  say he's not fat? *Extremely* attractive."


"So why do you want to work here?"
"Well I've noticed there's a pattern of corruption among the managers and higher-ups, so my goal is to replace them."


Boohoo people died. Go cry.                                    Edit: downvotes really reddit?


Obama in an elevator 8/10

Obama and Ray Rice in an elevator 10/10

 Thank you for your suggestion.


Who gives a shit about karma levels? He's also only been a member for a day.

Edit: You guys can try, but you're going to have a hell of a time getting me to negative karma.


The fact that you checked for blackmail pictures on the housemates phone has brought you to the top of my "People who seriously have your fucking back" list. Sure you pulled shit out of your brothers ass, something no one should have to do, but its the little things that make a situation truly exemplary.


Dear Ron, why all the cunt in the presidential course has to be named "Ron" wtf is wrong with the Ron on earth ??

From fellow redditors who follow me : FUCK YOU RON.

**EDIT : WTF DOWNVOTES ?! LOOK AT RON PAUL, RON PERRY AND THIS OP CUNT**


He said 2050, not 5020.


Actually if you really wanna nerd it up the Zerg are basically just the Tyranids from Warhammer 40,000...


No items. Fox only. Final destination.


haha, actually I'm 5'9" and weigh 175, very good shape. I've always been active and never been overweight. Good try though!


Reading your answer filled me with some anxiety imagining high level government agencies looking for me. Picturing this situation could fuel a nightmare.


Weren't you made irrelevant after that other novelty account fucked you up?


We are ABSOLUTELY trying to sexualise her.


your
mom

Well, did your facial expression change?


I'd watch a youtube channel of you just travelling around the world and doing this.


>Your English is just fine.

Don't fucking lie to him, asshole.

>The state just declared the care and attention to the veterans;

What does this even mean?  I appreciate OP doing this but I'm not going to blow smoke up his ass either.


I continued dating crazy for 3 years


in the end tsm won MLG so GO TSM :D \o/


NEver used them. I empathize with those who want to be strong but there are no shortcuts. People take steroids because they BELIEVE they have no other way. Steroids are about comparing yourself to other people-- but if you just become the best YOU, you'll find you never needed them.


What's the matter? Too busy friendzoning younger guys so you're moving up to the older men?


Thank you!

I'm nervous but I'll remember to just be polite and not start arguing tomorrow, just explain that I don't feel comfortable doing that.


Why weren't you playing angry birds? That's like the only thing to do when you get forced to go to a church.


Finding a post-it note that said "I didn't clean your tub" would have made me extremely anxious and confused. Why would she tell me that? What happened to the tub?


Dammit! Why can't I triforce?

How about now?
       ▲
     ▲ ▲


Across the pond we say "You can't fix stupid".  I think I like the german attitude better.


I wouldn't call anything in this 'terrorism' just a wacked out psycho chick killing some poor girl.

We, as a society really need to stop throwing the word terrorist and terrorism around.


I'm lazy as shit, let's hang out


Wow, my Reddit experience has really been enriched now that I know that you meant to say something someone else did.


Not sure how to tell you this, but your dad manufactures narcotics.

Edit: lol, I don't even have cable, you predictable bitches!


Nope. I don't think you understand how offensive it is to draw Mohammed. Anyone who does deserves whatever happens to them.


Experiment time:

Get 5 people without STDs.

Put them in a room together.

One magically gets herpes.


you have low standards for good deeds boy scout


Takes a long time to get to England in a row boat


What if he IS the hivemind?!?


My life thus far has not prepared me with a response to this comment.


Which can be seen where?


"Yeeeeeaaaah, we're gonna need you to stop eating Dimitri. You know, morale and all that. Thanks."


My God.... you are a tool


Not a father here, but I've seen how the system fucks fathers over. Please don't let the uninformed affect you, I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you the best in these rough times. *Hug*