1. unfortunately i didn't attend class that much. sorry!

2. when i was in college i was young and stupid so i thought i cannot learn creative things from other people like professors. i taught myself. but nowadays sometimes i regret but things worked out ok.


i have a 6 inch... I'm 15...


Meanwhile she's thinking you just bust a nut!


Fuckin liar. Nobody cares. Grow up shit and live. This is the internet. Not one fuck person has met another over it. So go fuck your knife with your moms name on it and stuff your shit back up your ass so you can eat it later.


That's called a woman.


I used to be a planet, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


Especially when greedy family which have nothing to do with the original music are the ones who do the suing


What is the difference between telling someone to ask her a question and asking people to disclose private conversations they had with her in the past?


I'm like 92.3% sure this is how serial killers think


Sounds like you're the hateful one.


Coming to movie theatres near you: "A Middle East Love Story" "Was a real blast." - Critic #1


Actually, I do agree with that.


But does he have patience


Yeah... But I still upvoted everyone regardless


That's okay, I'm only a single player myself if you know what I mean.


i have no fucking clue what a kia is which makes the rest of your post completely useless to me. consider your audience next time instead of shitting out brand names like some worthless shill next time


"With our whajeena, we can be star"

Such a beautiful quote.

**EDIT**: Thanks for the gold!


I have a feeling that a lot of these women that do crazy and unrelentingly horrendous fetishes are drug addicts or just under the influence of one of them at the time of doing these sorts of things.


I swear if my highest voted comment is about my dad jizzing in my hair I think I'm going to cry.

Edit: Well fuck.

Edit 2: Reddit Gold? I guess I should thank my dad.


How is this a relevant or appropriate comment for this thread?


The edge of your nostril where your nose meets your cheek is an awful place to get a spot!


i upvoted ironically


I would just like to say on my behalf and I'm sure many other Redditors, that you played a very important role in shaping our minds and helping us grow and learn as children.  Even though people made fun of some of the corny jokes and songs that used to be on the show, they helped us remember things nonetheless and it helped us recognize you for who you are.  <3


I love salt, in fact I just had some salami

edit: so funny when ppl downvote u and then ask why u are mad, bitch you know why i am mad.

When the downvotes hit me, I don't think to run

I take them all and just act as salty as a sailor's cum

You'll hear me bitch and moan then maybe argue some

cuz i'm made of salt, I won't deny it,  i'm a muthafuckin crackercrumb


To: Faison, Donald

From: Braff, Zach

Re: kt


Looking at your 156 link karma, I have a hard time giving your evaluation much credit.


That's it.  All Spaniards are banned.


You can't "upvote" people on the xb1. Just shows you have never even tried it and bitching about the ui for no reason.


exactly. a bikini is much quicker to draw than pants.


No, it's not. Pointing out how foolish some people are is 100x times worse than getting a horrible disease and dying. Don't you know *anything*?


And since the subreddit doesn't exist, create it and post his paper as the only submission.


"Drinking the job"

FTFY


Average looking I suppose.


Am i the only one thinking "Fucking niggers" after reading this? I mean seriously, there has got to be something wrong with a person if he can come out this stupid?!


Ex-girlfriend named her snake Lieutenant Dan.


I never really understood why people don't just get out of relationships like that. Then I took some psych classes in uni and I still don't really understand it. I mean, I get the theories and science behind it, but the idea of continuing a relationship with someone who beats you up is an absurd notion at best.


i jerk off to girls peeing no joke


I used to get blowjobs like a blue popsickle but I took an arrow to the knee!


Is a rainfall discussion


And make them into a little shrine next to his bed that he looks at every night.

edit: Jesus Christ you guys are fucking pussies. Get a sense of humor.


Actually, in this case he became disoriented.


Would you like to be gone as well?


StarTrek. For the warp drives. And the story lines were often deep, and rich in social consciosness and accountability.  I was also impressed that Captain Kirk could have sex with aliens.


Down-vote the ones that are bad and then stfu. Down-vote mine too if you want.


Welcome to my 2,000 sq foot Manhatten apartment I pay for by waiting tables.  Oh, none of my furniture is secondhard crap or ikea crap.  Also, when I go shopping I always buy a loaf of french bread and it sticks out the top of the bag I carry.


Too bad they come in short supply

Edit: yes white knights obviously a majority of the women in the planet are smart and self-aware /s
Same goes for men, but in the context we are speaking about women. Meek fucks


SRS is just sjws trying to make reddit conform to their stupid cult beliefs

edit: [im an SRS celeb now](https://www.reddit.com/r/ShitRedditSays/comments/2v3xh0/srs_is_just_sjws_trying_to_make_reddit_conform_to/) ;v;


I think we're in the lingerie section at Walmart.


My dad and brother are both red green colorblind. No confusion here.

Dad: could you pass me the yellow mug?

*Son passes the red mug*

Dad: thank you


Finally it flipped to **le** sale price!


I used to think SPR was the best thing ever. Then I watched Band of Brothers. It's not a movie, but it's near perfect.


Who needs money or smokes with your interweb comportment?


A lot of folks actually confuse the look of distrust with the look of drinking someone's shit that was turned into water.


And another thing; do you have to point out that the man is in a wheelchair?! He knows he's in a wheelchair...We can SEE that he is I a wheelchair... You must really hate what this guy has been able to cobble together to call a life. You know what?! You're pathetic!


Ya i kinda thought it'd be where the penis is


You faggots need to stop harassing me over benign crap like this.


Heil honey, I'm homo*

Edit: obligatory holy-fuck-thanks-for-the-gold-and-insane-up-votes edit.


A fag refers to feminine features as derived from its original meaning of cigarette.   It's not bigoted.  You PC fags are ruining our culture.


That's when you stab his face and ban him from LIFE


I just want to know why it's not okay to abuse dogs but it's perfectly okay to abuse other animals like chickens and pigs.

If I killed my dog and ate it, my neighbors would call the cops and I'd go to jail. Why?


He didn't want any of those noobs stealing his kills.


Responding to questions for me isn't doing much to dispel the theory that you are me...


"So I see you had a sale last week, I expect it to count towards my current purchase."


TO THE TOP WITH THIS!


I don't think twice about seeing someone eating alone.


Not really. Here, like always, the show is pretty damn OFFENSIVE to an entire race of people and INSENSITIVE to their beliefs. That reddit this filth as "insightful" tells you all you need to about reddit.


He'd disappear off of the cameras and then appear behind you. And now the door is locked.


Fuck his sister?
Really?
No offense but you give terrible advice.
I'm sure his sister is embarrassed for being so afraid.

statistically speaking, I think she might be correct about abusers being formerly abused though.


After that, he was captain_blueballs


Oh wow, what a thorough and helpful post! I had no idea Grand Theft Auto is a game. This whole time I thought it was a type of ham. Gosh, what a total mind blow.

*also, crossdresser detected*


Pig here. Did anyone ever think WE might be offended by Muslims or Jews? You are all so people-centric, disgusting.


*sigh* Another lbgt guy getting offended by a complete non-issue?

[relevant](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IFloXOuLgA)


Sometimes I just make eye contact with the camera and make a face like I'm in The Office.


Oh hey, a comment that has nothing to do with the link. Have a downvote.


Two scientists walk into a bar.

One says to the bartender, "I'll have some H2O", to which the second scientist says, "I'll have some H2O too".

The second scientist dies.


> I WOULD BE A BETA FUCKTARD BUT I TOOK AN ARROW TO LE KNEE


How was it being home-schooled?


yeah how dare people in the same group as you be vocal about their rights and shit! what a bunch of crazies! if only everyone would just shut up and submit to the majority, mirite?


I had the impression it was a two hours commercial for a certain religion


Then you would be an idiot and get drive through penalties thus ending up out of the points.

Point being there are better ways to protest than fucking up your race.

edit: Thankyou everyone, keep them coming!


That's when she pulls her dick out.


Holy shit reddit downvoted you for wanting people to go to jail for taking upskirt pics? what the absolute fuck?

edit: guess I should point out he was at -6 when i posted this.

edit 2: and now i'm downvoted, wow reddit must be full of some fucked up people.

Edit 3: bet you can't get me past - 100 reddit


Thanks man! Your girlfriend was a complete babe btw, grats on that.


What's wrong with that? Gay people should be shamed.


~~worthless~~ priceless


No thanks. Thats what piracy is for.


>Mom: "Shouldn't we buy a fish that's at least the same color?"
Dad: "Na, kid's aren't that bright."
Edit: I like apostrophe's OK!

Ah, those family arguments where Edit always had to have the last word. Dammit, Edit!


Or the stupidity to put his family's safety at risk.  Either/or


Don't worry, this is under strict supervision. We have a nurse coming twice a week to check the healing process. I talked to her after the Goa'uld removal, she'll be here tomorrow.


I don't really believe in gay love. A man and a woman complement each other. Gays, as I see it, are more about sexual gratification. It seems to me that gays are incredibly promiscuous for this reason.


IS MAYONNAISE A WEBSITE


Downvote for asking for personally identifiable question.


> Took years of intensive work and then he died

This is why I don't work. I don't want to end up like Alex.


No, brilliant call. Epically hilarious. You're just and uptight cunt. It's a joke not a dick, don't take it so hard.


That's exactly what john cena told the undertaker at WWE Suuuuuper slaaaaaam!


Or you can accept that people have different opinions.


So that's what all these underage girls have been being used for, the sex ring is a coverup, and they are using it to take down her enemies


She did? Well... okay. I guess *you* aren't so dumb then.


Seems wierd they would single out the one straight person on the team.

Honestly should use softball as a litmus test and kill all the dikes.


He still shouldn't have been speeding.


Who let John Travolta in here?

Edit: Wow, this comment is my top rated comment by a landslide. Thanks everyone.

Edit 2: Thanks for breaking my gold virginity. I am honoured.


Can you not fucking read? My first sentence said that i was NOT talking about the average. And normal is relative you idiot. Clearly we dont know the same people. I work with several people from the uk in their late 20s and they all earn a very good living. Average does not equal normal. And i was a stats major so way to go on that assumption too.


But Jenny loves pipe laying.

Edit: Wow. Jenny, that bitch, got me gold.


Peasant. Not even 1080p

Edit: Oh my lord, I was just joking. I don't hate people with lower end computers.


fratbro.exe has experienced an unexpected shutdown


The one who raped her.


Please refrain from smartassness when speaking to the 1 spermcent.


ha!  have an upvote.

p.s.  Gem


My genes are acid-washed. I now have schizophrenia.


Regardless of races, how did this piece of shit get so many upvotes? It's barel- oh wait, /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu .. I almost forgot.


But he's still doing it to this day.  He's 40 years old.


congrats on being a huge petty asshole. you sure loved her, huh? reveling in her unhappiness. piece of shit


Does your wife have to chew before she swallows?


Yeah, well, I have a 150 IQ.


Too bad they apparently live in a world without cell phones, text message, email, land lines, mail, carrier pigeon, smoke signals...


I'm pretty sure the only reason 90% of XKCD is stick-figures on a white background is because Randall Munroe has no artistic talent. The reason they are never funny is because he has no comedic talent.


TIL Terry Crews has his priorities right.


And I don't often get jokes, and i've never understood the need to make them either. Life's good enough without emotions.


Yeah, on the one hand, public complaining is completely unacceptable in Thailand.

On the other, when you hear a Thai person complaining like this, it probably *is* pretty bad.

Just never complain about drunk Thai people, no matter who you are.  Unless you want your ass on a platter.


At least they weren't like bacteria, who multiply by dividing.


You love stupid people.


CarlH Is a fucking scammer, don't listen to this reddit spam. Google his name and click the "rip off report" link.


The safeword was "put it in my ass", an unfortunate choice in hindsight.


I used to think Lulu could be one of the most viable, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


When your mom stops.


It's not just an expression.  It's a huge pet peeve of mine when I see it so I feel my sarcasm is completely warranted.  If it makes me an asshole that I want people to open their eyes to their own hypocrisy then so be it.


That's gold to a man with a vasectomy!


>Nowsuckeachother'sdick.jpeg

FTFY

EDIT: If I get to -100 Karma on this post I will suck my own dick

EDIT 2: Wow -101 karma! Thanks Reddit! I will now suck my own dick and take a picture. Just wait here until I surely deliver


Also, a strong message that anyone who wants to be in political science professionally should not be taking advice from /r/politics. That's just sad.


Sorry, but I gotta downvote. You ruined the original picture for me without warning!


Well, according to the hypothetical situation, they're all guilty.


He took it off, but wrote [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/Shitty_Watercolour/comments/tjjok/update_selling_the_paintings_no_ads/) that he was adding it because it would take too long to get ads up.


He said there's this lady who will soon become a fully grown dog, and they're gonna buy a tube ride and use it to run over a puppy


still grumpy over Wilson's Goal line INT?


And with each query, have your monocle fall to better complement your shocked reaction. Then replace it with a new one from the stash in your pocket.


Upvote this one and I'll edit it in a few minutes to something completely out of context so people get confused when they come here.

EDIT: Fuck you all


If you see the buttcrack guy, give him my love


Oh look, a MensRights poster coming to r/LGBT to call someone a cunt. How surprising.


Thank you for the kind words. Star Wars has been a blessing in my, and my family's lives. I am so grateful that it has allowed me to be able to interact with so many wonderful people.

Give my kindest regards to you three little ones, and thank you for all your support over the years.

Cheers,

Peter Mayhew


I don't even know what I did.


I WAS THE INTERN ALL ALONG

The only way I could motivate myself to work was by writing essentially a fanfic (similar to 50 shades of grey) where my boss caught me browsing reddit all day, and forced me to work. It was all in my head. Reddit isn't real. I am the only one here.


I think he is successful because he is a writes music that appeals to the lowest common denominator.


A federal judge once used the quote in an official opinion to mock the attorney for their poor logic.

http://blogs.wsj.com/law/2006/03/06/federal-judge-rejects-inscrutable-motion-cites-adam-sandlers-billy-madison/


That's the beauty of it, she can wash AND dry...


Imagine being rejected?


Nobody cares about something as useless and impractical as fibonacci spiral math (I know you're going to say except the 15 people who upvoted you, but they're just as moronic as you).


A frican pun thread? Seriously?


Damnit....you deserve it. But I'm riding you to the top.


enough to last a lifetime


Calling science dumb, hahahaha.


Actually, they don't call him.


And that's the kind of opinion that we don't really need here. The way Micotu chooses to play is no more or less "true" than anyone who only levels a singles class/character.

Edit: So, anyone willing to actually refute me rather than throw random insults? Because the idea that there is a "right" "wrong" or "true" way to play a game is pretty hilariously childish to me.


I think my father is a hateful person first. The religious beliefs gave him a forum and permission to be cruel to the world.


You're painfully still a virgin and have never actually seen a 'real' woman naked.


Are you sure you didn't fuck an octopus?


While he's white so it wasn't a hate crime.


Damn this is the craziest one


People like you are the reason why I spam "well played" and "thank you" before winning.


"We're just Julius now."


I can't wait for the punishment I get for fooling people into giving me fake internet points. I can't think of a more serious offense!


No that's /r/fuckablefaces


Reddit.com: where people think jokes about animal abuse are funny.

Grow up

EDIT: Lmfao I can tell all the fucking teenagers are ditching school
Today based on this downvote attack.

***NEWSFLASH*** DOWNVOTE ATTACKS ARE AGAINST REDDIQUETTE YOU CHILDREN


Nobody asks what you clog a toilet with

Edit: why the fuck did you guys gild me? It wasn't really clever or anything. Reddit is confusing. Nevertheless thank you guys.


You are spazzing like a baby dude


EIGHTEEN PAGES! FRONT AND BACK!


HOTLINE MIAMI 2 IS BANNED IN AUSTRALIA. OP IS IN AUSTRALIA. HE GOT HOTLINE MIAMI 2 DESPITE THE BAN OF HOTLINE MIAMI 2 BEING SOLD IN AUSTRALIA.

THIS IS NOT THAT HARD.


You're a fizzicist!

Edit: A wild Redditor has used "Gold" on /u/zxDanKwan. It's super effective!


Highest ratio of up to downvotes i have ever seen.


I think it's pretty good, but not if you're alone or scared or dead or something like that.


Look out everyone, I found a detective.


I gave up playing violin to pursue skating. I still get jealous when I see an accomplished concert violinist. They are badass.


I used to fear my mom and dad had sexytime in my bed, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


She's your ex for a reason goddammit, don't you forget it.


I thought people here might enjoy it. It's a pic so it fits here. If you're butthurt about it just downvote it.


Haha that's hilarious. I mean he's rich. And that's a dick thing to say. But it's also funny and kind of a good comeback. Polo Tapia is basically saying "You don't know what you're talking about," to which Tom basically says, "I have 580 million reasons that disagree."


It's logical that you're bothered by posts on reddit? Oh wait... "really bothered". Must be fun at parties.


That goes under, "What's the greatest comeback to a great comeback you've ever heard?"

We can go deeper.


No you dumb bitch, I am just an honest politically incorrect tax payer enquiring about my money.


That's been proven false. They actually are largely filled with helium. The flapping is just a show to distract their real flying power. In actual fact, that's why their chirps are so high pitched.

If you take all the helium out of a bird, it sounds like Barry White.


so relevant especially in america.

EDIT: WOW SUCH HATE. they hate US cus they aint us


Too late. This kid already is a pimp.


Typical of them to piggy back off something WWE related.


Damn you, Rita Skeeter!


You're a dumb shit though. Seriously. Is everyone here dumb? You will resort to violence to get back a box of tampons that you haven't even paid for?


60 years..working hard, providing opportunity, holding onto hope his  offspring will make his country a better place for his grandchildren and his grandchildren's children. All to be taken away by a radical bat shit insane group. I hope he has other children to live on for him.

KDR: 7.0


I guess you could say this post just went...(takes off glasses)

chemotherapeutic.

**YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH**

edit:  hey downvoters, its a reference to CSI:Miami in case you didn't notice.


*Everyone* is from the past.


Why, you're not an asshole at all!


I assume that was a typo and should have said:

>This user has verified the claim with a **nod.**


Why would you do this? Why the fuck are you even posting this? What's wrong with you (besides the claim of a physical deformity)?

You're either a liar or an attention whore with absolutely NO dignity.

LOSE LOSE™


i feel weird about all the fans because they are so worldwide. i cannot really believe it yet.


Stop making biased assumption and insulting people you don't know. That will do you no good in life. I'm not a student anymore, I actually have a PhD in maths and can get any job I want, with 300k starting salary.


Whew i was scared i wouldnt get to go for a second


Oh man, all those actors out there who play cancer patients in movies are SOOO FUCKED!


The impersonator or the real one?


I'd want to rape her if it weren't for all the black, stink


Unlike in the US or Europe, where it is a great honor.


I don't even know where to start with this. Uh... naive? I... what? Could you explain how naivety is relevant here?

Did you graduate college? If so, what was your major? Serious questions.


Should have said yes and then just showed up with their SO.


DRose ain't even in Westy's stratosphere.


Men don't worry about those things. They have to, but they don't.


Contact that last person to comment and tell them to stop being such a boring negative cunt. Love, a guy that doesn't even like pokemon.


Thats exactly what a man caught watching porn in public would say


Downvotes? Don't care.


He said he would do an AMA for 30 min. That looks like 30 min of answering questions.


This was a really bad idea..


When it's really cold outside, you use your nipple to cut straight through the vodka bottle.


Using your dead brother to karma whore? Oh, how very tasteful.


most satisfying troll. ever.


Sounds like if she hadn't been so shallow she would have made it. Oh, prom queens..


My grandfather forgot what it was called one time because of old age. He asked the lady in the store where you could find crapping paper. She directed him to wrapping paper.


It's not a repost when it's a cross post. Dumbass.


"Are you busy?"

My reply is always

"There's never a time where I'm not busy, what do you need?"

Now, clearly I'm a lying asshole because I'm sitting here typing on reddit at work. But still, annoying fricken question


No its not. Not even a little bit. A man should never hit a woman, but if he does she has two choices.

1. Leave him and call the police. (recommended)

2. Learn to take a punch like a man. Because he's going to continue beating you like one.

If you're dumb enough to stay with a man who abuses you. You get no sympathy from me for making that choice.


There is no better place to pick up attractive homosexual males on the down low at 3am

**EDIT:** Awesome, now my two top rated comments involve me trying to shove semen back into someone's dick hole and advertising anonymous gay meet ups at the gym. I hope my mother never learns my reddit name.


You probably don't reddit much. If it's a 12 hour post on the front page, it's clearly not from a default like TIL. They have tons of redditors vying for karma there. A little logic goes a long way.


I was just in the middle of collecting the necessary stats to solve this problem when suddenly I had the thought: "Wait, I don't give a shit!"


Learn to spell, learn the English Language, and learn proper grammar. Until then, I will disregard everything you say. Even when you manage to get my attention, I still think you deserve it because fuck you. Fucking idiot.


Every single scene in Airplane is "one of the best scenes in Airplane"

EDIT: Stop fucking calling me shirley


I did clarify that if ones intents were peaceful that you could stay.


**DO NOT TOUCH YOURSELF AND DRIVE!**


I'm pretty sure we should care about **Kony 2012** first. Kony is actually responsible for *tens of thousands* of deaths, this Nony guy is a nobody (-:


I can't tell how old he is, but he acts like a perpetual child.  He also can't drive because he's failed his test like 70 times or something.


HAH, nice reply as well...... dickmilk.


Beethoven (film series)

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beethoven_%28film_series%29#Films

Please note:  "The 2008 film, Beethoven's Big Break was a reboot of the film series and is not considered part of the main Beethoven canon."

Glad we cleared THAT up!


Meh, I'd say it's more complicated than that.

I think everyone is a little, teeny bit gay, or has imagined gay thoughts, male or female. Idk how someone could honestly be 100% straight, and do something like masturbate, and then claim they're still 100% straight.


I kinda don't think a guy should go beyond heavy breathing or light moaning. ~~Nobody likes~~ I'm not a fan of the loud dude in a porno.

**"HERE IT COMES! AAAHHHHHHHH UGGGGHHHHH UGH UGH UGH AHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

Edit: [Visual aid](http://images.amcnetworks.com/ifc.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/080312-total-recall.jpg) just for /u/Thrackerz0d (SFW)


***Warning:*** *faggot detected*


"Everyone has a plan until I punch them in their fucking face" - Mike Tyson


He meant the man getting raped.

edit: Fuck you guys, I'm going down with this ship.


When will I get my money?


homosexuality is not natural. there is no biological reason for homosexuality.


From my - admittedly limited - experience with strip clubs and cabarets, I don't really get blue balls, let alone boners, because 1) you know it's not going to go anywhere outside of the club and 2) you're drunk. It's just an excuse to see a few nice pairs of titties with your friends.


why u keep replying in my "shitpost"?... go away


Yeah, I wouldn't want to wear pants that dirty either.


No its just the logical and most likely answer.


None of the guys on the upper level have legs.


So, you're the arbiter of what is and is not normal?  How pretentious can you be?

I'm sorry, but getting upset about accidentally killing a frog is not normal, at all.  It's actually really, really weird.  And you're weird for making that post.


it's like amber, but not.


You sure it wasn't my awesome link?  IMHO it's waaaay better than that Dog Joker or..... *Doker!*   that's what he should've called it!!  looool


It's actually because of a birth defect - my left shoulder was crushed at birth which I've learned to accommodate.

Putting on a coat is one such accommodation. Gee, thanks for noticing.


You're very easy to impress then.


That was fucking adorable. The embarrassing part is how awful that advice is for making friends. "Just have a thousand things in common with them and run into them everywhere you go and have kids the same age that just happen to meet and want to play together. Friendship's easy yo"


Yeah, I'm gonna run out of internet points.


I find your enthusiasm for plants cooler than the plants themselves.


A freckle? That is what turns you off? Are you gay? Seriously?


Link isn't relevant to the story. This is about Mario, do you even read?


Gaudy,  conspicuous tats imply bad decision-making. So does noticing texts like this on your boyfriend's phone and still making a baby with him.


doesn't matter; had shoe


shut up nigggggrrrrrrr


Not to mention how grotesque it is to apply the word "porn" to some of these images.

There is a picture of a woman literally falling to her death.


Fuck that. He's a sick prevert and deserves to be in jail. I'll do what I can to find out who he is and make that happen. I don't want my children to live on the same planet as this fucking piece of s**t.


Holy shit that is crazy! I wish my dorms had elevators.


Some parents give their kids McDonald's,  ambient, chicken with hormones.  You may not agree with what I do, but give me proof that cannabis harms children when it is second hand smoke.


>  I don't understand what exactly your motivation is here.

Are you new to Reddit?
Karma is EVERYTHING!


That takes place in his mind.


I was getting pissed just reading that story.


That's a good question and I hadn't thought of that. I'll find out.


She got a [$12 million book deal](http://articles.latimes.com/2012/sep/20/news/la-jc-monica-lewinsky-memoir-20120920).  That's more money than I'll make working for the rest of my life. I think she's doing OK.


Yeah, being sexually harassed by an obnoxious and unprofessional stranger should make every woman flattered.


Someone has to live to tell the story.


/r/food, what has happened to you.. These are NOT strawberries, they are an ingredient called mushroom truffles. They taste like mud imo but are a delicacy for how rare they are. Most people have at least heard of them..


For almost 50 years old, she still looks really good. People shouldnt look 20 forever...unless they are Asian, then they look 20 until they are 70, then they look 90 forever.


I used to fuck hitler, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I bet he doesn't accept checks anymore though.


I will share with you. I have way more than I need.


You should've eaten it to show your dominance and declared yourself the new head of the household.


Except he wasn't serving his country, he was serving the corporations.
Very sad.  I wish we would learn and not send these guys out to these places anymore.


CAMO: AMERICA'S AWAY COLORS!!!


If that was sarcasm, it was a piss poor job. So yes, I sure would have missed it.


"This is your captain speaking. Nice dick bro."


The post was a joke yours is racist.


Goddamn scouts can start a fire anywhere.


Its funny how you are bitching about it all being about punishment and not any rehabilitation in one post and now here you are bitching about them trying to rehabilitate you. You are a moron, I hope you realize this.


Did you just subtly tell us all to eat a dick?


Yes it is awful. Awfully funny :) Enjoy your downvote moron.


How does Hitler tie his shoesies?

In little Nazis!

Edit: Yay gold! Thank you, kind redditor.


If anything, you're just making a good argument for all people to remain virgins until they find a life partner.


Yeah you would win. They didn't do their due diligence on finding out of they were legitimately towing your car.

Edit: My highest rated comment ever is about asshole tow companies. No ragrets.


You're a woman.  I know for a fact you're going to want kids someday.  It happens to all women.  You can say you won't, but you're fucking wrong.  Have fun with shooting those kids out someday.


Yes, they both turned 2 at the same time.


this is the only video of seeing someone's shoe fly off on impact and still lived.


Slapping ones penis against the right leg, then the left, then back to the right, then back to the left, repeating as jubilation and propriety deem appropriate.


This is what the little black kid is thinking. His eyes say it all.


Ouch, right in the humanity.


I would serious love to see you post OC every freaking day, asshat.


I agree that this is a terrible word; please use Trigrican-Americans.


It's bullshit because imnotjesus was so butthurt he had to send a downvote brigade towards me.


>Hopefully you are still thread safe.

"Hi, Tesla support? Yeah, so I pushed start on my Model 3 and now I'm in orbit. Am i still covered under warranty?"

Edit: thank you for the gold, kind stranger! May your threads never race and your global state remain minimal.


I think I speak for everyone when I say:

pics or it didn't happen


Bobby pins are a commodity. I'll trade you 40 caps a piece.


Which one is Kate Upton?

^^^^Actually ^^^^I ^^^^can ^^^^tell ^^^^by ^^^^the ^^^^photo ^^^^quality, ^^^^but ^^^^my ^^^^point ^^^^remains  ^^^^;p


I thought it was absolute zero fucks given.


Eh, I feel like a lot of people are upvoting this who've never actually touched a woman's boobs.  /4/gifs seems infested with young teenagers for some reason.

Fun fact: if you can't get through foreplay you're never going to get to sex.


This is the most well written comment I've ever seen.


He said he got it from [here](http://www.zazzle.com/i_heart_organ_donation_tee_shirts-235155321444047547?rf=238027160533327177)


I agree.

Cheers,

Peter Mayhew


Guy from  /r/atheism  here. God doesn't exist amirite? Thank you for your time.

P.S. Neil Patrick Harris


Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


because that very possible goal had Bale passed would have given us a point instead of none

when you have a league with real rivals unlike the portugese league, a two point lead instead of one is a HUGE difference


You're one of those people who go: "And what's the lou-Hihihihi, what's the loudest n-BBBHAAAAAHAHAH, what's the loudest noise in the forest?"

"I don't know, what is it?"

"A giraffe ea-HAHAHAHA, a giraffe PPPPPFFFFTTTTHHHHAAAAHAHAHAHA OH GOD OH GOD, HAHAHAHA I CAN'T BREATHE! A giraffe eating berries! AAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

"Yeah, real fucking funny, Jack."


Darn, I was enjoying seeing your white-nationalist friends get riled up about it.


Neither is his.

Sorry, I love you scarra


That's a fancy ass-red circle. You can even see an early attempt with a simple pixel line, but him going "fuck it, I'm bringing brushes into this shit".


I like it.  A new expression has been born.  "Rainfall Discussion" - a rational discussion where all the bullshit gets washed away.

EDIT: Damn Thank you SO much for the gold.  Twice!


Because she is a woman and can make her own choices...? ha ha

People in this blog weird me out...

EDIT: ha ha ha I'm so pleased that I had this paternalist, sick response because it solidifies my feelings for this sub blog. Remind me never to come here again...


>lactose intolerant

>shitload


I guess he was the one with the matches


This was a surprisingly common scenario in the dark ages and before.  Remember that bears used to be widespread in Europe and one-armed archers were often the last line of defense for the bear-patrol.


Right, I'd seriously considering divorcing the whore if she kept that from me.


How far down the line of succession do the Bushes fall?


Top comment with 2 replies? Let me fix that for you.


Bound with poo

Edit: this being my highest upvoted comment by a long shot is really a testament to what kind of website reddit is


In the states, the cops would tell her to get a gun and learn to use it. Not so sure what they'd say in Britain, though. Maybe a cricket bat?


Evan Mathis is my favorite player. He is awesome.


Seriously, nice try but unfortunately Joke is getting old already. Sorry bud.


So, smack the Christ-child around a bit.  You think Jesus got off scot-free for interrupting those teachers in the synagogue?  He was 12!  He almost definitely got a red bottom when they got home.

He turned out alright, I think.


Ah yes. Elitism is always the right thing when it's popular!

Edit: I will accept that I fucked up with this post. I will not delete it.


This is your time, /u/VioletBeauregarde. All this particular knowledge you've collected over the years has culminated in this one moment: this one post.


ugh u h8 2 squeeze tihs~~!

edit: llol

**EDIT: DOWN VOTES??? WHAT THE FUCK REDDIT**


Neither are people when they're drinking.


More women need to realize this: it doesn't fucking matter what you think since it's about what men feel and men feel that women lie and that it is a direct correlation to masculinity.

No man wants be told he is average even if there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.


What?!?! Come again?

I'm going to say no, you cannot get out without a wizard's key.


Learned a lesson that golfing is not a word. While you were playing golf would be more appropriate. I dont get invited many places


One of the poodles running around naked, the parents having tough sex, the sister pooping on the floor, and the other two poodles arguing.


America is not a country fucktard , its a continent


Murder is more socially acceptable than cigarettes and nipples.


How bout you make the playoffs every year *and* manage your cap space well. Like the packers.

EDIT: ok, this may've sounded a bit dickish

EDIT2: over 90 downvotes lol, I'm convinced that there is someone out there with absolutely no life making a bunch of accounts just to downvote me.


You should check out the sequel series, Malcolm's dad starts another family and begins cooking meth.


Don't judge a book by its cover.


Yeah, showing the naked human body, which almost everyone on earth has seen before, being shown in a comedic, non sexual manor puts you in the same category as child rapists. Gotta love our judicial system.


uhh how bout no ..downvoted


Well uhm... Male peacocks display their plumage to female peacocks.


RES tagged as "Karma singularity".


I pat my pockets and act like I forgot something then turn around


I used to love the the vivid colors in contrast to the mass of white buildings, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


+1 for respecting the sanctity of marriage but still knowing how to party hard.


THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD!!!!


Well at least she was happy. That's better than the majority of customers in this thread.


Lucky for him, not for human evolution.

Edit: Oh, really, you disagree? You think we *need* this guy in the gene pool? Do you even *care* about the human race?


In my high school junior year, 11th grade, I became handsome and popular and all these girls started being really nice to me. I was nice back. They got irritated when I treated them all as a friend.


+1 for Robot Chicken reference


If the mom is facing down, and the brother is really good at massaging, it isn't THAT weird. Having said that, the brother has no reason to be topless and I would rather go to a massage place.


Not trying to be that guy, but you had it coming when you got a bethesda title for anything but the pc.


"Cold weather we're having this February, no? Hey, changing topics - would you mind propping your foot up on my shoulder?"


This is now the new hub for all things unexpected!


Someone dig up Teddy Roosevelt, it's trust busting time!


What a bunch of cheap bastards. They better give me a fucking partial refund for the month. I CANT BELIEVE THIS. THIS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.


It worked kind of well actually


I'm just gonna bake, bake, bake, bake, bake.  Bake it all. Bake it all.


Yeah but i didnt do it on reddit, and your the one who stole his identity


Maybe that's his secret power, he can make anyone slip on anything, even nothing


What's the problem? HP is a badly written book for children that most people read purely because it was the thing to do.


Alternate Headline: Little Girl Operates Murder Ring

**Edit** Thanks for the gold, my last one expires today


No?

Edit: Wow. Not sure if i should be upset or happy the amount of votes on this


"Did you see Lampard's equaliser against Chelsea?"


well remember, it wasn't God that saved you. It was sympathetic White people. If you had died, it would have just been "God's will". glad you made it tho


I seriously hate when someone brake into my house just to smash my toilet.


I used to save face, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


They're suffering in each and every single pic because those are the ones chosen to be uploaded...


Gross. Maybe she can embrace it and do something respectable like play women's basketbAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHH


The practical use it that it lets you reverse when your tranny gives out, and lets your son know you are a boss type wizard.


Shut the fuck up you unoriginal cunt.


The poutine is out of this world.

Edit: Of course my most upvoted post is about poutine.


I used to be scared of my dad because his beard was huge (Cast Away)


That was my birthday!


Don't you understand. She doesn't need any fucking glasses!

 /s


It is exactly the same thing. She refused to provide the final requested product on the basis of her stance on homosexuality. If there is a difference the only difference is the Bakery in Oregon was practicing his religious beliefs.  Your explanation is extreme hypocritical excuse patronize your defense of gay marriage.


Benadryl cucumber sounds about as plausible as his real name


You missed the point.  And until you try chocolate bacon, you can take your piss-poor attitude and stuff it.

Or maybe I should try it another way:  Are you having a bad day?

BTW, you're in /r/BACON... If you're going to downmod pictures dealing with bacon in /r/bacon, well... let me just say this: You're gonna be clicking the down arrow forever.  I mean, for fuck's sake, man


South Korea is best Korea.


who the fuck downvoted this...WHO!!!


Totally cool.  I would like to respond by thanking you with a friendly exclaimation point!  and then I'd like to be really humble and earnest and say I'm just so lucky to have the job.

Hey, I have a better idea.  Why don't we both just take a long nap?

I haven't had pizza in a long time.  And I'm fatter now.


You all are horrible for upvoting such a shitty comment. Downvote this one to make up for it. I'll start.

**Edit:** That's right, dance puppets, dance.


Rancid Amputation - Cannibal Corpse


Vaginas come in all different sizes an capacities, unlike you, the humongous asshole, of the internet.


I am a shameless person

Edit: Lmao gold on a throwaway thanks man/person I appreciate it, that means a lot. [8]


TIL You can get karma from aping an ongoing joke to the nth degree.


His silence speaks volumes.


So? They have the right to believe whatever they want. Ridiculing them for it is immature and very condescending.


So you can reap the sweet sweet WTF karma!


haha faggulous* FTFY XD

Edit: I'm not sure why I'm getting downvoted. I'm combining the words faggot and fabulous FYI


"Satan took my ball so I chased him."


Downvote for "po-po."  Sorry, bro.  And additionally, you should downvote me for the use of "bro."


That's why this whole thing is so ridiculous.  These people are fucking psycho.  This is a *news* station reporting on a news story.  Grow up.


>Anyone ever notice how some people stick their tongue out before they take a bite? It makes me chuckle.

It makes me **erect**. FTFY


I guess Ill have to bring in all my 5k gold! I'll be rich! Muhuhahahaha


Nothing new for the Patriots. Don't forget how they began their domination of this millenium -- the tuck rule game in 2001 and the 2003 AFC championship game where Ty Law's defense committed illegal contact on each and every play, forcing the league to emphasize the rule in the following season.


Well as long as it was funny.


Sorry for riding the top comment, this is urgent!

I know where the force op is from. Someone I know HAS the force op.

I can't tell you all anything... He will DDoS me for a week if I do. All I can say is that it's a hole in a very popular plugin.


Why is there cum on your t shirt and  over your eyebrow?


How can you know? I bet you he is just an insensitive scum who uses retarded people as an insult because it's the only thing he can think of.


So wait a minute ... Kirk and Spock agree?


What's the worst she can do with a bottle against 6 full grown, well built guys?

Get your head out of your fucking ass, you piece of shit. As a woman I'm extremely offended on the fact that you think it's right to touch a woman just because she's acting rowdy.


Goldfish: the estate that smiles back.


He seems like a Muslim who just committed adultery and will shortly be stoned to death for offending Allah on national television (plus, have his ~~weiner cut off~~ male genital mutilation performed by his first wife).


Hey, that's offensive to people with autism.


>When in doubt, flop it out.

FTFY


Squats
Power Cleans
Pull ups


My brother and I *were


The amount of people who will never understand this is big!


fairly recently... after we tried them. I was against it myself until I saw what happened.


A thick veiny throbbing carrot.


HI WEDDIT I BACK!!!!!!!!!!! I SAWIEE BUT I WAS BUSY BUT NOW I FWEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAGA MOMMMYY WAT ID DA APETOL SCIENCE HANDHWELD POTAL DEVICE GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Good question - I would say opened, mostly because I go to college, word spreads as it will and whatnot.

I would say there have only been maybe like 5 girls total who have crossed their legs and says "noooope" (*insert Lana voice*).


Cutting is an attempt to make the internal pain physical. So yes, no doubt this is intentional. "Fell shitty for me, but look.. Kitty cat!"


Empire strikes back.

edit:I love how this little pun is now my highest karma comment ever Also Thank you to whoever gilded me


This has 69 upvotes right now.
I'm not upvoting for the sake of the joke, you're welcome.


I was really excited for this game too. I ended up driving the two hours to get there alone, drinking at a bar alone, sitting at the game alone, and then driving back home after the game alone. It's not the end of the world, but it was a huge bummer. On the bright side, I finally got to visit the University of Phoenix Stadium. That place is crazy huge and crazy awesome!


I literally came here to say that.


dating a woman with kids is like playing a game from another dude's save file.


*porn

Seriously, it's _porn._ It's always been porn and this idiotic |33t speak went out in the 90's. I thought we were done with that bullshit.

FUCK...my whole day is ruined now because of you. WTF!

.....but yeah, they're porn actresses.

EDIT: Evidently lots of "|33t d00dz" out there.

EDIT 2: Wow, pile on the downvotes for the Ol' Goofball....


this is my second time here.  I just have to much to do to roam around stuff like this.  It seems like a great thing.  I just can't do it.  I killed my facebook page years ago because time clicking around is just dead time.  Your brain isn't resting and it isn't doing. I think people have to get their heads around this thing.  All this unmitigated input is hurting folks.  My opinion.


Your analogy is garbage. There are socioeconomic reasons why black people commit more crimes than white people (they also tend to get arrested more often for drug offenses). There are no socioeconomic reasons why men sexually assault women more often than women do to men.


Who the fuck proposes on the third date?!? That's the sex date, everybody knows that!


Like you've done any research on the subject.


I've been eating exclusively twinkies for the past 5 months and I feel perfe


He *was* beautiful. Typical American candy coating. In Canada, we don't bullshit ourselves with fairy tale versions of reality.

Oh, the total cost of this incident in Canada? $0. Minus a couple of loonies for parking, maybe.


You wash them when they achieve sentience and try to escape.


Ignores your balls hahaha. UPBOATS! Infinite upboats to you sir!!!


That's some adult shit right there.

He did you wrong, that's for sure.

But even though he was definitely in the wrong, you never know what someone's going through.


Everything changed when the firenation attacked.

 Edit:Wow, this really blew up. My most downvoted comment is about the firenation.


Us engineers aren't exactly... Socially creative.


I used to wait 6 minutes to 3 years to log in, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


> Oh how the tablets have turned


It's quite obvious why you had such a difficult time!


This comment really opened up my eyes to the beautiful word that is diarrhea. Thank you for this.


Thank you sir, may I have another?


I feel silly having to explain this but... That's a close up of a man's junk.


Are some of you people oblivious to know what rotors should look like?


FUK CONTEXT GRAB THE PITCHFORKS MEN AND WOMEN


Poked or not, he is a little bitch.


Wow contractors must be cheap out there. That looks like way more than $50K in damages.


so your saying your not sure......


My homeboys tried to warn me, but that butt you got makes me so confident of your current well-being and future child-rearing potential


Puskás, unlike the Portuguese Ronaldo, is relevant on an international level.


Yes, interesting but not my cup of tea.


No it doesnt, he deserved it. He damn well knew better and blew it. If he was unknowing of her age, why did he jump in the sack? And if he did know her age, well he made he knew the consequences and went and did it anyway. He deserves everything he gets!


You're saying that the post itself fits the protocol but the title doesn't?  Doesn't that make your rules gay as all fuck and people should stop being self righteous pricks about it?


"Must land perfect equalizer" - Doublelift 2015
Edit: Thanks for the gold :)


I don't know Nicki personally, but this picture is widely attributed to her.

Hip Hop Enquirer Magazine: http://hiphopenquirer.com/guess-what-nickiminaj-and-usherraymondiv-looked-like-before-the-fame-photos-inside/

Source 2: http://realfilmcareer.com/photowqdb/nicki-minaj-old-pictures-before-she-was-famous


Yeah, and due to Earth being more than 10 feet wide, we move much more than 10 feet closer in the course of a day.


Don't worry the carpenters of America are here to make their plea that they're gods own creation put on this planet to build, and we can't do any of it without them.


And with those words, Phreak doomed CLG to relegation.


Yeah, keep modding it down especially you console guys.


Never saw anyone get so excited for 14 upvotes.

It's heartwarming.


Pics of the bush or it didn't happen.


Really?  It's hard to believe the shrapnel managed to avoid your gigantic balls.


its a good thing no one asked you

I feel safe ignoring "men" who marry Japanese women, as they tend to be the most ineffectual of people.  Real men use and dump Jap women and don't feel tricked into marrying them.


I know. I'm happy all the damn time too.


You guys must be trolling because you can't be serious with this level of pathos for a comedian.  You write as if your coach just told you Kennedy or Dr. King was shot.  Normal people shouldn't need overindulgent, self absorbed comedians (funny though they may be) to teach you how to appreciate life. I blame your parents.


**Evil Plotting Raccoon**

> * I'LL JUST PLANT A LITTLE MESSAGE TO CAPTIONBOT IN THE TITLE OF MY MEME

> * SO WHEN HE PULLS THE TITLE FROM LIVEMEME'S API HE LOOKS LIKE AN IDIOT!

 ^^*These* ^^*cations* ^^*aren't* ^^*guaranteed* ^^*to* ^^*be* ^^*correct.*


this deserves all the upvotes


That generally makes it a bit too salty for my taste.


ok how about 15 pics only


Weightlifters are usually pretty genuine in their excitement for others. Everyone's there to get swole, and they are very supportive of that. At least in my experience.


She didn't ask for CC, why did you feel the need to do it anyway? Are you going to keep ignoring that?


The authorities have been notified. (Sneakily)


YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO SURVIVED THE DOWNVOTE PURGE! QUICKLY EVERYONE! LEND HIM YOUR UPVOTES!


Do you know why Heelys don't have brakes?

Cause swag stops for nobody.


She clearly doesn't respect her body (sleeping with a guy she barely knows) so why should he?


Or a simple, "it's 5 o'clock, isn't your shift up?" as you casually take his seat.


Do you want to build one? Because if you need a parts list, you won't be able to do it.


Bonus points if the video is vertical.


Bill *Fucking* Murray.

FTFY


Intelligence is knowing Frankenstein was not the monster.

Wisdom is knowing that Frankenstein truly *was* the monster.


People make fun of aalewis, but to me he is a genius. I will take the intelligence induced euphoria anyday over phony god's blessing.


That's what boys will tell you.


It's funny because you have to click Continue Thread twice to get here to downvote the stuff.


Coleslaw referred to as "spaghetti" and ordered as an app? Confirmed for alien sent to spy on us


How is that any more cruel than just killing it?


You're about to get a knock on your door.


Hmm.... Don't be too impressed. The original image is fake... look on the **sides** of the image and they are gray... clearly been cut out/photoshopped (-:

Upvote so the OP can see this! XD

Edit: I love how you are all upvoting and positively commenting on something that is clearly fake. It seriously looks like an MS Paint job **ಠ_ಠ**


>Stickers

>I would be responsible for the ending of the human race.

I did not see that coming...


BITCH I'M THE MOST LEGIT PERSON IN THE WORLD


Yeah. These players know what they're getting into though. It's a wrist they're willing to take.


I would prefer it if she repented for her sins, made a salvation decision, and acted as an ambassador of Christ.


His fight or flight response seems to be broken.


I wish.  Too bad all the limp tiny cocked sissies around here with their 'sauce' wouldn't know how to fuck a woman if they had an instruction manual.


Didn't seem to help with 9/11


I heard "I love you, Dad" today and I didn't even have to encourage unhealthy behavior in my not fully developed child.  Way to go, moron.  The only time a religious fanatic gets upvotes around here is when he's telling his son it's ok to chop his dick off.


That just makes him look like a bigger moron, *William Shatner* can't tell arabic from klingon?


Yes, now have a downvote.
Edit: are you fucking kidding me.


May the odds be in your favor, bro.


Reddit's favorite excuse


Perfect reply was "well she could have kissed him first"

EDIT: welp, my most popular comment was about not having the balls to just kiss a girl


A starting chest?(i know it's optional, but still) WHERE IS THE CHALLENGE? This game just becomes easier and easier after every update.

**Once again the reddit community shows its ignorance by downvoting a comment based on opinions *clap clap***


Eating an onion like it's an apple takes some serious dedication.

I'm sure you were crying with laughter.


You are a fucking idiot.  Maybe, just maybe, you should contact youtube.  Do you need someone to send you the link too?


Without your/their phones on


You believe there are attractive std free women who like no strings attached sex? What is your stance on Unicorns? ;P

edit: I stand corrected! perhaps they are more like narwhals? I've never seen any irl but if the internet says they exist, it must be true right?


"Your son has what we in the medical community would refer to as a 'monster cock.' I'll leave you with these pamphlets."


**YOU ARE THE TYPE OF GARBAGE PERSON WHO NEEDS TO DIE IN AN ACCIDENT**


"yes."

-Rob Thomas


Thats my play - Humble in Defeat was my smurf and i renamed it to LagsAbit - It's my play, trust me..


That seemed almost too easy...


It looks like garbage (relatively), so yes, it's fan fic


Same cringey idea, I sprayed an aerosol carpet cleaner into 'I hate you' in front of my Mum's door while she was in her bedroom with the idea it would appear in the carpet lighter. Suddenly panicked and spent ages on my hands and knees scrubbing it away and ended up cleaning the entire landing carpet.


The protest loses whatever minuscule meaning it may have had when the woman protesting is just an empirically unattractive person.


**I PREDICT TURMOIL IN THE MIDDLE EAST.**


to tell her that you post fake AMA's?


TL;DR: Black Veil Brides, Asking Alexandria, and Pierce the Veil.


Yeah he really belongs in the octagon behaving like that. Class act.


--What size he had?

-- 7 cm.

-- *with a sigh of relief* Such a small?

-- In diameter...


haha i like your anti feminist comment because it is about the guy that couldn't slap the girl and as a redditor I am a guy and i love being about salpping girls I like this and they neeed to know their place and they are not alwatys the tbest of what theyt nedd to be and guys clearly are the providors tothef the family.


Your grandpa is a bro


Upboat for the XKCD reference :)

Edit: WTF? Downvote helllllll....


No True Mathematician™


How is her bank account statement none of my business?


Ask your GF about fast events that can hardly be said to have occurred at all, while being naked.


I honestly had to stop reading this half way through cause all the swearing and just the story telling was boring.


4 feet farther.
A little further.
One is quantitative, one qualitative.


-22 *is* a little excessive.

EDIT: HAHAHA this is awesome.


You would think he would start rapping or something


Then you're not a woman enough. <-- already something wrong with that sentence.

Just because I would never think to do something that disgusting does not make me less of a woman.


Sometimes, things don't come up Milhouse.


Come on man. People will die. You had a lot of growing up to do if you react like that you have lost a parent.


And the guy is spinning clockwise, which is further confirmation for this being Australia.


You get sweaty when you dance but do you get fat when you dance? The girl on the left is moderately attractive based on 1/2 of her face showing. You must have some pretty low standards


Or perhaps just his lust for life. He's fuckin' READY.


MURDERER!

Edit: srsly reddit? I need a /sarcasm tag for this? fine, for you mental midgets downvoting

/sarcasm

also, fuck you. cunt trollups.


Oh hey Egypt, thanks for attacking ISIS, super cool of you


I was a pretty big asshole in elementary school. I constantly teased this kid, and I'm pretty sure I made life hard for him. I wasn't the only one who made fun of the kid, but it still makes me feel like shit because all he ever wanted was to just be my friend.


Keeping it real, good on you Justin.


One does simply not walk into Mordor

Sorry couldn't resist... Yeah best luck to OP and his Uncle


There are 2 guys there. If there was only 1 guy, they would force him to take the picture.

Edit: thanks for the gold


Oh yeah? Well then how about FUCK YOU.

Don't come on this GOT DAMNED website and tell us to ASK YOU ANYTHING when you're going to sit there and BITCH when we ask you a question that you don't feel like asking.

So how about you get your dad to answer the FUCKING QUESTION, or get THE FUCK out. As a matter of fact, you can join your dad on his next mission and leave this FUCKING planet.


"I do rape and murder as much as I want. And that amount is zero." -Penn Jillette


alrighty then, DOWNVOTE ME!


Stretching in my seat? Boner.


shitty desk, using crate as chair, no gaming rig, playing in kitchen. yeah, you're poor


"Hey mom, did you know you can put a ring in your prolapse?"


Police are meant to use force if necessary to protect themselves and others, not deal out corporal punishment.
e: lol attack my internet points you nasty little boys, I take each one as a badge of pride, ruffling a misogynist's feathers.


My girlfriend lets me smear jam on her face and lick it off. She's a cracker.

Edit: This was sincerely an accidentally racist joke. Here in the UK and Ireland. 'cracker' means 'great guy/gal' - apologies !


If you can't find reason to be happy or alive, that's no one's fault except yours.


jim cramer?

Edit: Booyah gold!! thank you :)


A quote of mine that turned into a garbage local meme.


This is first one that really made go 'huh that's weird'


He didn't *invent* anything, he followed instructions out of a book to build something that was invented over 3,000 years ago. And to answer your question I've been working on my car and building computers since I was a kid. Not all that impressive, but I live in an area of the world with a reliable power grid, so building a windmill would be just a little redundant.


Wow I really thought I was the only one doing this


I am gonna comment on the top comment and be the next top comment!


Damn. Popcorn has been around for a while.


I totally missed this post. That's amazing :D


"... is that something that is likely to happen at this workplace?"

"Does that mean you're not interested?"

"... how is your medical?"


halfway = already came twice, right?


Adding on to this: the famous mathematician Eratosthenes was able to calculate the circumference of the Earth... in the ~~6th~~ ([corrected]
(http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2r4bau/what_commonlytold_fact_is_incorrect/cncp8sh)) 3rd century BC.


I am the alfalfa and the omega

Go to /r/GallowBoob to spread the hate, or love, if you have any.


Pencil Sharper! Poop...

Can Opener! Rats...

Box Cutter! Nope...

Sex Doll! Uhh...


Wow, your whole family sounds like terrible people, including you

Your uncle for molesting children, your mom for making excuses for him, and you for writing such an awful letter to him.


I'm kind of pissed at you.


I think Pogba might want a word with you.


Yeah, now I ask girls out via text.


If you're complaining about his pace you must have been introduced to him through Fifa.


Well, she obviously  reached her boiling point.


"Joke". Trolls like him prey on the feelings of vulnerable people and I'm glad in the UK I can lodge a complaint against them and I can use RES to ignore shitcunts like him.

Edit: I meant if they're not in the UK, I can use RES to add them to my ignore list. The UK ones are jailed.


yeah, we make no mistakes. let's go with that


No, just stating facts. If anything I'm saddened by how stupid the users of this site are.


"I must renounce my loyalty to you, for I have accepted a higher position under Lord Tim of House Horton"

edit: thanks for the gold!


Calling it a throwaway is kinda stupid when its doper than all the rest Kanye put out recently excluding all day. Confident the James Blake feature track will suck more too.


Wash your hands always before sexy stuff! No matter the spicy food


The plan for Jewish global domination is very, very real...


This really cracked me up. "It's mom." Like she'd call herself "mom" to him hahaha.


How original...

Edit: Fuck you reddit.


Lol. Of course there would be a few doctors on the golf courses


I find it hilarious that you take this seriously


> have to, or can

have tou**can**

FTFY


Are you going to sell her Gold Medal for potatoes ? fucking paddy cunts


Why is your GF watching you wipe your ass?


If you had to endure an orphanage as a child you'd be a lot quicker to be quiet about stuff like this. It's just not funny to some people.


Arresting Tommy Chong for selling bongs seems like going for the easy target.


fo real do my nigga keep it 100 fam


Because double standards. It's not right but that doesn't make it not true.


im sitting in hospice with my Dad right now. **Derp** has cancer and **le** doctor said this morning **Derp** has "moments" left. im so glad your dad is better. ENJOY HIM AND YOUR LIFE TOO BUDDY!


http://imgur.com/qgSlU

Proof!


Of course it's correct. It just irked me a bit. It's not like you said "Now they can play like they aren't 'tards."


Fellow Chem prof here. It was hard coming up with a good chemistry related username!


That is not a hologram, retard.


You keep $300 in your jacket?


he's not lucky. he just unloaded a whole dumptruck full of photoshopped bs onto reddit and you dumbasses are eating it up. learn to use critical thinking. -_-


If I went "that hard" at any other time of the day it would be domestic violence


LmAo Why Do YoU HiiiiiiiiiPsTeRs OvErRaTe ThiiiiiiiiiiiS ShiiiiiiiiiiT GaMe AnD ThEsE ShiiiiiiiiiT SeRiiiiiiiiiiEs ?!?!?!

**iiiiiiiiiiiiiiT BaFfElS mE !!!**


Well you're not hardcore

Unless you live hardcore

But the legend of the rent was way hardcore


Sorry, you have to do it at LANs / at the world stage. Being American and good at LCS-level isn't enough for me.,


As a former cashier myself, I really appreciate customers that call out other customers for being stupid, because we were not allowed to.


This is what I was going to say. Upvote for you kind sir!


Antoine Walker was once asked why he shot so many 3-pointers. His response was "Because there are no fours". Classic Antoine.


Yeah, the carrousel crashes!
lol, jk, No idea, stumbled unto that by luck/bad luck


yes, hitler was quite a grammar nazi


Who played 699 more matches than you


Yeah, what I'm doing is so underground that I haven't even heard of it.


awww beat me to it lol.


You don't even have to exercise (even though it doesn't hurt, of course) if you eat less calories than you use, you lose weight. If you only eat junkfood until you reach that limit however, its not very healthy.


Wow, you didn't even READ my post.  Did I call YOU transphobic?  NO!  And I'm not Laurelai obviously.  So go ahead and call the downvote brigade over simply because I didn't jump on the H8 ON LAURELAI bandwagon.  That must make me her.  God you people are so thick!


"What?"

"Shhh. Go back to sleep."


Relax? Relax? Are you being serious right now?

How can one possibly relax when I was expecting top comment to be people saying how great this post is. I promised my girlfriend that people would love this post and I find /u/randomSAPguy's top comment to be dissing me, I see it as a shot to my ego, and  honestly as a sign of aggression.

Should I contact the mods about it?


IT'S ALMOST AS IF SHE'S PAID TO SAY THINGS MEN WANT TO HEAR


Stop spreading your perversions, you Aussie cunt! :D


Not awkward! Like I said, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

The watergate burglar, G. Gordon Liddy. I was prepared to totally dislike him, but he was so whacko, and so engaging, that I wound up enjoying him. His utter honesty, his bizarre philosophy, brought a sense of joy to the airwaves. I like him and have kept in touch.


this needs more upvotage


Business traveler here. I expense it and don't give a fuck. That's why.


pray in one hand, shit in the other, see which fills up first.


We went to the moon and quickly grew bored with it.


So we've decided it's more likely that he's trying to jump onto the car so he can purposefully get run over to extort the driver, than he was just a fucking idiot and jumped onto a car and then the driver mowed him down?


Holy shit, fucking people man, killing someone because he didn't have enough money to rob. I'm so sorry for both you and your friend.


*facepalm* lol nice troll though...


"Chronic masturbation lowers self control and motivation."

"Yeah, but I'm already semierect and it'd be a waste not to."

"You win this round old friend."


Yet I could build a homemade on in 30 minutes.


Ah, the old mourning wood.


Honestly, who cares? Its some retard kid in some backwards country halfway around the world.


I thought this was going to end with a baby in the oven.


WHAT?! it's kinda obvious he dropped the ball on this...


Didn't happen at the elephant bar I worked at in colorado springs, but our manager routinely had furious husbands come in to fight him for banging their wives.


Nice context, I'm glad you told us all those things we couldn't figure out from the picture.  Thanks


I'll give them credit, you can now get a happy meal with apple slices instead of fries, milk instead of soda, and a book instead of a toy


Yea, you want us to believe terrorists didn't even give a fight and decided to blow up the boat instead when there was a clear chance to hurt the "enemy"? Yea, doesn't sound shady at all. I don't think even the Indian Coast Guard is calling these people on board: terrorists.


I am totally disappointed that he didn't respond with "WHAAAAT?!!"


You Americans are so sensitive.


well now reddit can finally get around to hating him.


http://www.reddit.com/r/EnoughLibertarianSpam/comments/126rbq/found_some_actual_shilling_but_youll_never_guess/

I'm so pathetic you had to brigade me. lol


"Ah, a man of statistics. You're hired!"


LOL! We did it reddit!

This is probably the FUNNIEST way that a grandmother has ever asked her grandchild when he's having a baby.


>now with less child labor!

"Because a few of them died!"


The Men's Rights Movement is primarily concerned with lobbying for abusers' rights, opposing positive gains for equality and liberty, and promoting and expanding male privilege. They do not have a monopoly on being interested in men's rights, as feminists are already occupying that space. Don't call me a liar again unless you want to be ignored.


>GG RPG: Could be professional model, decides to be professional role model.

Fixed.


still man

you dont do that


Stick a black twizzler up your ass and fart into a glass of tang


only the 90s kids will upvote


He went for the tricycle and failed, can't fault a man for that.


rofl you are the diction not me

why u dont respond to my question instead of being samantic and pretending your right?

how many japanese kids donated money to fix pearl harbor?  answer: ZERO

you lose bitch


I looked at my mom's vagina and cried. Then a nurse grabbed me and took me to an incubator.


LmAo StFu *NeRd* iiiiii BeT YoU **FaP** tO ViiiiiiiDe0oOoO GamE ChArAcTeRs !


Oooh, no shots fired.


Sorry, filters don't pick up on risqué titles. They work by people labeling their shit correctly. What the fuck is wrong with *you*? Get with the program.


You mean, raced upstairs from the basement.


This is an LGBT safe space, not a place safe from ever having speech criticized or being removed for making the space uncomfortable for GSM people. We frequently and openly exercise editorial control and make no apologies for it.


So are you from that fries forum or not?


Unless you asked something akin to 'Why is America the greatest country in the world,' you probably would have been ignored anyway.


I'm subbed there but it can be an odd place sometimes. Currently there's a top post complaining about mommy blogs. *Why are childfree people looking at mommy blogs?*


one of the reasons i'd never support an oil club. much prefer developing youth and seeing them play throught the years and make their way to the big stage instead of buying some 25+ year old player for a lot of money


Followed later by recordings showing that they seemed to have attempted a barrel roll...


Your opinion doesn't matter to the admins, its first come first serve.


Actually he is doing awkward shooting impressively.


WUSSY ASS FAGGOT DIDN'T PROTECT HIS DOG HE SHOULD BE SHOT DEAD ON THE SPOT FOR ALLOWING HIS PET TO BE HURT WHAT A WORTHLESS HUMAN


A green man changing into aliens who can shoot things out of his mouth and throw up and the throw up can turn into guns and start shooting people.


He is not a clever man.


no, i used the word ellipsis. Am i just baked or is everyone in the internet struggling today?
so for future reference: do you need everything written out for you guys or is it okay to imply things, or does that take too much effort?


It's funny what watching their videos does to my sense of humanity.

"Violence is the bane of our existence and war should be avoided at all cost."

*Watches ISIS behead people like fucking livestock*

"Send a fleet of 10,000 drones and an infantry of rocket-wielding [robot dogs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1czBcnX1Ww) to kill those bastards and scare anyone else from joining them."


Do we have to complain all the time?


Ha! Thank you Alien Blue thumbnails.


It's you're. Please learn basic English


Nah just wait until they start talking shit again and tell them very politely, "Be thankful my house is messy, otherwise you wouldn't have a job."


RIP SCARRA, wait what were we talking about?


What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dre.


i was mocking you, not sympathizing.

Sorry dad for walking on the lawn. Gosh!


>hotel bath in Japan
>no biggie

Unfortunate choice of words


Maybe. Or maybe I have listened to it, somehow am smart enough to understand this complex shit, have nothing against him but still have a different opinion.


That's a thing? Huh I really didn't comment much when I first got my account.


Oddly enough I've never seen a negroid with dreads only white stoners


>My number one recommendation is fiber, fiber every day.

Fiber... just fiber? What about not doing heroin.


you're dealing with the wrong sonofabitch.


"I don't see color. People tell me i'm white, and I believe them because I buy my drugs at a pharmacy." - Stephen Colbert


Fascinating. It's still atrocious.


I don't think I'll be watching that.


Thank you,you make me a better man.


It's not sweat, it's just being pushed out of your pores like a noodle strainer.


\>I don't go out of my way to shit on fat people

\>lmao you must be fat go fuck you're self

flawless logic

edit: I think you guys misunderstood my meme arrows, the first quote is me, the second quote is u


I've never seen the appeal of paying a girl to pretend to like me for 20 mins.


GRR ANGRY NERD IS ANGRY I DUN GET MY VIDEO GAMES GRRRRRR


Airplane! is almost cheating in a one liner contest.


i knew this would be here, i knew the least creative, most sexist joke in the entire series would float straight up to the top of the comments on reddit, i knew it


"We're incompetent, but it's OK, because we're also unnecessary."


Thank you Mr. Ghosn!  I am extremely grateful for your advice!


This is hilarious. All the sad balloons on the floor with strings.


How the fuck did this guy (http://i.imgur.com/O2mKGfy.jpg) become a good director? He looks like the average redditor.


Sounds like a win-win.


ok now try programming that


Scream "You blew my cover! Allahu Gaybar! Now you're going to blow me" whip your dick out and start chasing him around the table.

Edit> thanks for the gold and 30+ notifications in my inbox<<<<


Because babysitter is so much better, right?


Then seriously consider what else you could have done to make the situation less embarassing


what a fucking monkey.


WITH A POCKET FULL OF SHELLS!


I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you're white...


So nothing would change?


shut.the.fuck.up.

that wasnt even remotely funny. go die. now.

that girl is probably a slut and whore like sandra flake. inb4 libtards defend that bitch.


As someone who works in the oil industry, bad. As someone who has to drive 45 miles to work every day, good!


ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
360G - Swiper no swiping.


He's probably hiding time travel from us.


So far, so correct...


his best friend ended up dating one of my friends a couple months later. on their first (and last) date he suggested that she come to his place and he'd cook her dinner. she agreed, he made her beef stroganoff. after she'd finished eating, he told her that he came in the sauce while he was cooking it and had been hard during the whole meal watching her unknowingly eat it.


Better than if I'd lost my powers in a subreddit that was years old.

How does your comment even make sense bro?

Oh and it looks like reddit really hates the word bro.  You mad redditbros?


*Doctor* Awesome. I didn't spend 6 years in Awesome Medical school to be called *Mr.*


this isn't /r/gayrights. get this faggotry out of here. I don't care who fucking doogie howser kisses, i don't want to see this nasty shit.

Also, NSFW, fuck you OP


Do you think she got were she is by hesitating? No she did not. Now finish those cheetos and get another bag.


Funny that qbs hate to work behind Peyton but love to work behind, say, Brady. Says a lot about them IMO.


That's how I accidentally discovered the clitoris


in kindergarden i woke up every morning so i can grab me some free karma. uptokens to the left. btw cancer is bad.
edit. downboats really ledit?


Thanks. I have terrible insomnia which I use for odd creative purposes.


Really? Explain how you're going to use that.  If you can't read the languages you can't read the languages.


More like PC fascists


Yeah... And he and his crew were super rapey


You're a horrible, horrible person then.


I think I'd intentionally friend zone myself with her. Let's be honest here, attractive aspiring actresses would sleep with me to get close to her.

Would you rather bang 1 Emma Watson or 100 wannabes? Tough question now that I've typed it.


That escalated quickly


Only in PM form, this shit is just cruel.


and whoever paid to have it done is a fucking idiot.


We wash the big zip lock bags. They're made of pretty tough plastic and they're expensive, might as well get the most out of them.

Edit: I'm talking about the big gallon ones.


Wow, -51 comment karma for complimenting someone. Outrageous!


Loquacious type is super effective against Grass type, right?


downvoted because the points don't matter.

also first post on reddit... it begins.


Fennel, mustard, onion powder, Mrs Dash


And the US DEA has no influence on foreign soils, right?


You read OP's heartwarming story. Then you see this.


If it's on TV, nobody EVER gets killed


Aah yes, the Liftwaffe.


Addiction. That's why I try to only smoke at night.

Edit: what the fuck /r/trees community? I said I only smoke at night to stop myself from wasting it all throughout the day because I know that once I start I won't stop until I fall asleep.

Edit: okay seriously, 30 downvotes for just posting my personal experience. Shows how fucking accepting you bastards are.


>showing more of his body

where is the rest of him [YOU MONSTER](http://i.imgur.com/96nJr.png)


THANKS OP FOR WASTING ONE MINNUTE OF MY LYFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY DADDY SAYD DAT DA HANDYCAPPYS SHUD NOT HAS DA INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I felt sick just reading that


Implying there aren't gamers on PC.


In their defense, Randy Quaid is crazy.


Are you blind, faggot?


Hey I just met you

And this is crazy

But I'm a dingo

I ate your baby


Why the fuck would you use a 360 you casual fucking console peasant

Edit: You're a faggot.


I feel like that exchange was very weird...


wow... so you are calling me scum?? asshole, you dont know what the seller's situation is. they probably need the money more than a person that is willing to spend that much on shoes


I said that to my grandpa once.

He hit me.


No proof, no sympathy.

:edit: Makes sense- a thread against mob mentality, thread full of mob mentality


It's all about the credentials.


Why don't you just get Sirius XM?


Which is great for making money. I think that the criticism people are missing is that music, at its best, is an art. Making these formulaic cookie-cutter songs is to "real" music, as clickbait Top 5 gossip articles are to "real" writing. One method fills your wallet, while the other can move your soul. They both have value, but it's a different value.


how can this bullshit be top comment? i agree that it has been a slow week but this isn't even worth discussing, Begovic just showing who's the boss in the box

Edit: armchair experts have taken over this sub, rip


**PELECANIDAE PELECANUS OCCIDENTALIS** What in heavens to you thi- HEY LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU.

*Edited for scientific accuracy


So you're identifying me as part of some group. Vegetarian/Vegan, and then making a sweeping statement about everybody you perceive to be in that same group, no matter the person.

Groan. Real mature. The other PEOPLE you are now treating poorly surely deserved this huh!


I think you just wrote an Olive Garden commercial


Hello there, it's barack. I must say I like your username -- NOT BAD


*'Cause Kimmy, you're a firework...*


That's weird I read it as "women are stupid fucking nigger pieces of shit faggots whom I laugh at when they get raped. fucking cunt sluts." lol whoopsiniggersies


Ah man, this was the shit back in middle school.


this acc was a smurf, yeah caught


New life goal: shit at a millionaire's house party.


Are you still a dirty muslim? Does your father still fuck goats? I wrap bacon around your mothers face so she can't see while I fuck her in the pooper.

Kay, your turn you silly little terrorist.


Ever get on OP's bus?


> he was never caught

How you know that he wasn't caught in another robbery attempt and wasn't raped to death in a prison?


or you could be a huge dick, and your last day would still be everyone else's favorite day...


>Stop the SC2 vs BW discussion, its last ~~BW~~ Starcraft OSL. Respect it.

Fixed that for you. The "other game" as what we like to call it in the TL BW forums doesn't count as real Starcraft.


It would just be filled with more pictures of cats.


he is. he just wears 12 now instead


Ten years on she murders him for leaving the toilet seat up.


I don't see why I can't make the choice to have sex with a man. I find it unappealing, but if I choose to make love with someone, that is my decision.

When exactly would I become a homosexual / bisexual? At birth? What if I never do engage in a homosexual act?


I read it, I care.  So sorry for your losses and that you had to deal with that.

I wish you peace and love.


Wow, you sound like a giant *douche*.

Let me help *downvote* your misogynist comments for you.


For the non-Americans I'm pretty sure this means Advanced Placement U.S. History


Maybe they think homeless people are critters who wander around aimlessly and soak up care packages.


*turns out to be #1 answer*

*Steve stares into camera with a dumbfounded expression for a minute and a half while the audience roars with laughter*


This advice is bullshit. Blame yourself.


While that is true, people shouldn't get the impression they are a bunch of saints. The Yakuza is made up of groups involved in human trafficking (esp. sex trafficking), extortion and racketeering, and arms and drugs smuggling.


TLDR going to play some ME2


"My child is pure" nowhere in history has that *ever* been a good thing, bro.


MOMMY!!!! WHAT IS TEE EW DEE AW AWT??? GOO GOO!!!!!!


"Youre goood.....youre gooood..." As they are side swiping a rock. Classic.


Except for the binocular thing.


*A group of girls sitting criss-crossed on a couch with wine in their hands.*

"Jenny, tell us, what was it like???"

"Didn't feel a thing, it was like he putting a catheter in the wrong hole."

*They all die laughing*.


Asseaters Unanimous 15


Your customers sound like a bunch of pussies.


yeah, nah... that's a pretty bad idea.


As soon as airbags became common in vehicles, the US Department of Transportation changed their "10 and 2" guideline to "9 and 3". This helps the driver's hands be clear of a potential airbag deployment. The "10 and 2" idea had caught on so much by this time, though, that the new rule never made it into the public lexicon.

Source: guy who must be fun at parties


No, I'm just an asshole.  I don't like fat people because it represents laziness, living a boring life, and gluttony.  I'm all about going out and actually doing activities and living life.  Not stuffing my face 5 times a day and working at an office rotting away.  Piss off.


"What does this stuff mean?"

"The man who killed me will know."


I was a troll account, and I'm trying to get back positive. Will you upvote and help me?


I hope the heat shield and parachutes work


Actually, if you watch the video, she was resisting the whole time and even threatening him.  He did indeed defend himself.


that movie is just full of quote-gold. 'i'm not a regular mom, i'm a cool mom'. 'you will get pregnant and die! now take some condoms'. 'stop trying to make fetch happen'. 'four for you glen coco'.

it doesn't end.


>15 x more then I have in (almost) 4 years.

I probably post 15x more comments than you do. Or perhaps they are just 15x better than your comments? I post when I feel I have something to say. Thinking "Oh, I'd better not post that, I've already got so much karma!" would be fucking stupid.


Kirk Cameron, you sick fuck...


Aren't you that guy that couldn't spell his own name?


Just start yelling "oh my god is Jackie Chan!" every time your students comes into class.


The relevant term here is "Islamophobe" not "terrorism". A lot of the stuff in Charlie Hebdo *IS* Islamophobic. That being said, Charlie Hebro is no where near the worst Islamophobic group/individual of the last year. Fucking cartoons are nothing compared to calls for outright extermination.


All the shopkeepers ran out of money.


She's a bitch.  Rules don't apply to her because she has a key, but fuck everyone else that works until 4:00 PM and doesn't have a key.  Apparently that's her thought process.


Redditors of Reddit currently not on reddit, how are you answering this question?


Moralfag detected. Kill yourself.


That guy was the first person to listen to metal.


There is no god

Edit: Jesus, this was sarcasm


These feels unconstitutional to me.


Yeah, because I'm sure that shaming this person will suddenly cause them to change their lifestyle.  All it does is let you feel self-righteous.


Elimination style. Each week's show culminates with the parents telling one contestant, "You're not my child." And then the DFACS agent comes and hauls the bawling child away.


Looks like someone has a failed marriage.


Well Toby is in HR so he technically works for corporate and therefore isn't really part of the Scranton family. Also he's divorced so he's really not a part of his family.


The twitter account is mine the reddit one is not.


You got a low bar there dad


As an avid hater of him and his team, I loved the non-call.


Regards,

Lawrence Ass Penetrator Wilson

EDIT: Thank you for the golden shower, thus popping my golden cherry. I'm now a gold memeber. I'm doing my best to try and avoid speaking anymore.


Obviously not, or she wouldn't have just left it like that.

EDIT: just got home to find 143 downvotes! I'd like to thank the academy for believing in me, and of course my high school drama teacher for showing me that I can achieve anything!


You literally just changed this Ask Me Anything to Ask Me Everything


> you had to

Riiiiight


Came here to say this.


"Is ____ there?"
"Yes."
*silence*
"May I speak with her?"
"Yes, just a moment."

Douchebag Dad

EDIT: I know, just skip the first question. *You can all stop telling me.*


Burn it to the ground, and then rebuild from the ashes.


That is fucking amazing. There was a time when my sleep schedule was almost this bad, and I never thought to just let it run it's course. I really should've done this.


> I suspect is taken while an inmate is being processed (that would be the incoming population, Lou):

That's incorrect.  These numbers are the "religious affiliations of inmates".  Inmates are people confined to prison.


I don't remember much about it, but the script eventually became Avatar.


OH LOOOOOOOOOOOOL REDDIT LOLOL NICKELBACK SUCKS RIGHT REDDIT LOOOOOOOL I LOVE REDDIT OMFG FRONT PAGE THANKS


1. Get her an anti-virus program like AVG or Avast. Make it very clear that she should never touch it

2. Get Firefox or Chrome (disguise it as IE if you must)

3. Get Adblock (be sure to white list some sites like Reddit)

3. Get Teamviewer

4. Get a $40 fancy looking case and just move all of her current computer parts into it


So basically if the person is a woman it doesn't matter what she says to you, she wants sex? You guys really grasp at straws don't you..


It is common knowledge to Americans with common sense.  There are a surprising amount of Americans that lack common sense though.


Ha quite impressive investigative work there.  HurtsDonut, you must be working for the cops.


TIL the great wall of china was build in france in 1207AD


Please don't reply by adding nothing...


The dust particle is moved by a ghost.


5 of our starters were out that game. Laughing my ASS OFF at you entertaining the idea that you could beat us again, though.

*<pats poor /u/TexasAg23 on the head>*


Dad, I'm serious!

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE FIVE!"


Umm...no. This post shows the essence of a fucking pot head, a stoner isn't this dumb.


Asian Jim isnt a Patriots fan.


Gem

lol dese bishes be mad as fuck'

mOar dwnv0teS angry bishes, pour tHat shit on me like syrup on your lady friend's bitch parts.

harder bishes harder, fuck you people suck at this shit more goddamn downvotes, you're macking me horny n shit.


Why am I reading these?? My god am I gonna make it through today?


It should always be about Arsenal, we're the greatest club in the world.


haha thank you! I am very proud of our soundtracks, and I think they represented skateboarding's lifestyle, roots and culture well.


Ahahahha, oh man. You just fall right into those stereotypes don't you ? Fucking anime faggots always gotta throw out their little emoticons anytime someone brings up the subject.


I give 'em the old crotch shine. Nothing better than a crotch shined apple.


So what was the "real" reason Naniwa left Quantic?


Yeah I'll text her that sturgeon25 is DOWN.


I'd say the IQ level of high school students is in the double digits. The females are slightly dumber however.


She's kind of accepted the fact that she's married a perpetual sugar high toddler who happens to dress and act professionally at work.


stop being a little bitch and have a good time with this joke


Pump the interviewer for information. Get him to tell you everything he knows. Then kill him and take his place.

Source: Been doing interviews for 20 years


HAHAHA LIKE THAT COMMIC ALL YOU LIBERAL FAGGOT HUMPING PIECES OF SHIT LIKE SO MUCH!!!! SO FUCKING GREAT THAT YOU BROUGHT THAT UP YOU FUCKING CUNT I HOPE YOUR MOTHER GETS RAPED WITH A FUCKING BUTCHER KNIFE


Not sure why you were downvoted. Running is brutal on your knees and shins. And at that weight an injury will just degrade your weight loss.


nah, they're like 11-12. they should make the parents stand out with a sign for being idiots. They shouldn't have to sneak out. Sneaking around didn't prevent me from smoking for 13 goddamn years. Maybe if my mom insisted i smoke weed instead of cigarettes i wouldn't be dying.


How has this guy not gotten stabbed yet?


They're the definition of retards. Because who else would be willing to risk his own life to help people who have absolutely no effort to do something useful and kill each other instead?


We have a guy that comes in with a hooker (always a very young looking Asian girl) every other Wednesday for lunch and then his wife and him come in Friday night. He is always in my section and tips me very well for my silence.


Anti-humans like you are killing cute kittens opposed to anti-vaccers. That makes about the same amount of sense.


If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive then women would find me attractive.


I love this song.

^^troll ^^edit


I lost my shit at "How much is this bread?"


LOOK EVERYONE, xxbiggpapabeaxx (nice username lol) HAS SEEN THIS PICTURE BEFORE ON THE INTERNET, SO I'M NOT ALLOWED TO POST IT TO REDDIT, WHERE IT'S NEVER BEEN POSTED BEFORE, AS PROVEN BY /U/JSTRYDOR ABOVE THIS COMMENT BECAUSE THIS COMMENT IS SURE TO SWIM IN A SEA OF DOWNVOTES.

ps: I like how the downvote is the same color as the sea ^^of ^^downvotes ^^you'll ^^be ^^swimming ^^in.


This. Also most over-the-top racists are secretly black people.


Yes, but only if they fix their security loopholes.


>EDIT 3: I NEVER MASTURBATED IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS, CAN YOU PLEASE ALL STOP ASKING

This may be the most Reddit thing ever.


Original joke there m8 we literally never heard this one on reddit before.


There are no losers in the Game of Crohn's.


Meanwhile in the Carroll household: 9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB PROOF


Weirdest was Micheal Jackson who wouldn't let us use his name and we had to hire a guy to sing for him because he wasn't allowed to sing.  He asked for 20 cases of evian water and a room full of room heaters and he never drank the water or went to the room.


Sooo, what you're saying is that I should stop?


Year 2065 news headlines: In 10 year nuclear fusion will solve energy crisis.


How long they dated is irrelevant to the comment.


"Do you get to the cloud district very often? Oh, what am I saying, of course you don't."


Yeah you should have.


It's amazing that my face lights up every time you watch!


in case anyone wonders why this post is downvoted, it's because SRD supports doxxing


How did you manage to take a picture of Bentley in dog-heaven?

Edit: make comment - go to sleep - wake up - check reddit - RIP inbox and first gold... wow


I used to ride the karma trains, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Speaking of bringing it up, did you know that in Canada the penny has been eliminated so prices are either brought up or rounded down when making cash purchases?


I think SIDT is a great novelty account, but that's all beside the point... he wasn't spamming. This has nothing to do with S_W's content, just his blatant self promotion.


I think the guy meant the sentence itself, not your way of saying it. Like, it's an odd thing to hear.


Actually:

>[Go Daddy sold me into slavery as a karma whore AMA](http://www.reddit.com/r/circlejerk/comments/nszeo/go_daddy_sold_me_into_slavery_as_a_karma_whore_ama/)

by you, to /r/circlejerk 14 days ago. You can fuck off too.

(Also, [this](http://www.reddit.com/r/circlejerk/comments/o8mjz/iama_loner_ama/) - you're sad).


>It's not that long

:(


downvote because seinfeld is *not* funny.


Yeah i bet you had to guide all the pussy that was following you

Edit: [MRW First time getting gold](http://i.imgur.com/5c22RvF.gifv)


Downvoted main post to upvote this, I was about to put it here myself


fun fact! Deb from Napoleon is pretty hot [IRL](http://duvarkagitlari.mobi/wp-content/uploads/tina-majorino-3.jpg)


I looked and didn't see it! I try not to repost anything.


> ...And then he ate it.

http://i.imgur.com/d5YdhTP.gif


He was operating op's electric dildo ( he's a massive faggot) and the jizz short circuited the system, thus spreading the gay


HELLO?

YES, THIS IS CUNT!


It was unpleasant to read this comment, because I could not tell if it was a bad joke or a bad opinion.


Haha, I'm an EE and my stereotype is that all mechEs are genetically superior rednecks, who just want to work on their cars and trucks but know they needed to find a way to make a living out of it. If you think EEs are weird though then you should thank your lucky stars that you never had to work with a computer engineer. I swear those people think in binary.


That's a negative game changer. Adding randomness and things you can't predict is a terrible thing for a competitive game.

Edit: Shouldn't have expected smash 4 fans to actually understand any thing about competitive games. Disabling inbox replies now and returning back to melee/PM.


it was like going over Niagara Falls in a barrel (that's on fire) followed by a high speed crash


>In one paragraph you have justified spousal abuse

Really? Hypothetically lets say he beat me everyday. So I should let my children see this abusive man when I'm not around?

Let all be fair to the children here and them see their shit head dad because it's what's right.

All the people attacking me I'm guessing don't have children.


that's why the movie is called "Rain man"


Wow, you completely racist faggot! DOWNVOTE


Past people would be like, "Nah dog, 10 years ago was 1995."


MOMMY WHY DOS DA WEDDIT HATE ME???????????????? GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Nonsense. Your cellphone will not only protect you but also incinerate your assailant.


wow that shit is racist you cant put that on reddit!


And lucky.

But not slimy.


Things Reddit loves (for some reason)

- King of the hill

- Michael Scott

I still have no fucking clue who is Michael Scott, nor do I even care. Just sick of seeing his name EVERYWHERE


they should've just used jello from jellyfish... idiots


Someone needs to get those cats out of that dangerous environment where they get taken pictures of to be ridiculed by people on the internet.


The idea of finding some gigantic prehistoric sea creature that uses practically no energy and just floats around like a foreboding aqua-blimp, filter feeding in the pitch dark does't seem so far-fetched to me.

edit: Because i awkwardly started my comment with "Honestly," too.


No. The Dark Ages has nothing to do with a ruling religious class. This is a common misconception.


So wait, I could ask for a tank? Thats what im hearing. I like it. Drive a tank, blow criminals up with said tank. And hey no messy clean up and its done right. Also, tank.


I'm sick of people like the OP karma whoring out their retarded kids.


I'm also from the UK - where Indians are Asian, Pakistanis are Asian, Bangladeshis are Asian and Koreans are Chinese.


> Great, Marx is my hero too.

What a faggot

> Thanks for your time.

Get a room.


That is beautiful. Something about revenge from beyond the grave... or at least on the way to it.


shut up ally flag nobody cares

also please look up "straw man", i expect a report on what you learned in the morning


A FAMILY THAT FUCKS TOGETHER STUCKS TOGETHER


Omg will u autograph my cock u know a pro cheater


You guys seem trustworthy. I'll check it out and report back.


Wow, that's really offensive. Human trafficking is a serious issue, it's not something to joke about.


I think it was the episode where he got told hes got more square footage than manhattan


Fuck off and leave us alone, you're just an SRD whore. Go scavenge for drama elsewhere.


E.g. Coke and the tobacco industry


are we gonna see a ROOTSheth again in the future?


Depends what sort of bars you go to!


then why'd you downvote me?


Why do mirrors look like eyes really close up?


Wtf were you thinking?  I have to work a horrid job with shitty hours to pay for damn medical bills and I will probably not find that much good stuff in 3 months.

hahaha -143?  awesome, keep voting away cause it's all you can do peckerheads!


>brass section

>nudity

Checks out.


"Who is this for, Chan?" Bad/dad joke.


I don't think any of the guys in the band were Asian.


Less a problem about race relations and more an economic problem in this case


Him: Pbbttt

Her:  Pbttsbtstsbbb

Him:  pbtsbrbrttsbs

Her:  pbtst?

Him:  PBSTSBSBTS!

Her:   BTPSPSTSNPPPP!!!

Him:  PBSTSSTSTS!!!

Her:  *Cries*

EDIT:  First Gold I'd like to thank  freddosmsc  ^^^You ^^^DA ^^^^REAL ^^^MVP!


No. I know where I am.

Just saying. I am not black.

Anyway, good for the black chicks. They shouldn't put all those chemicals on their hair.


It's like you're seeing something from the middle-ages happen before your 21st century eyes.

This is going to sound a bit fucked up, but I am kind of glad they stick to their insanity. I don't want them to ever get the least bit of sympathy or legitimacy from anywhere except their fucked up followers.


HAHAHAHAHAHA-*gasp*-AHAHAHAHAHAH


When hair grows, it has a pointed tip. When you shave it off, that pointed tip then becomes a blunt tip. So when it grows in, all those fine, barely noticeable tips are now the thick blunted edge, giving the appearance of thicker hairs. Are they more noticeable? Yes, slightly. Has the diameter or quantity of the hairs changed? Not even a little.


now that was original