You kidding me? You only have one date to remember instead of two, and store displays to give you a month and a half of warning, plus you can add what you would normally spend on an anniversary to what you would normally spend on Valentines day and still come out even with what most people spend.


im level 18 now, artisan blacksmith.


Homeless people are like ghosts in America. Nobody acknowledges them, we are frightened by them, and even sometimes amused.


Lol I don't believe you.


One guy in my high school had the hugest crush on a girl who coincidentally had the same last name. One day he decides to write her a poem, which he gave to her in science class. The first line was "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and it just got worse from there.


Ah, but you do, or you wouldn't have done the research so well*.

*for a given value of well


Cool story man. Ukrainian hookers are the best, can't believe you married one!


Ok, but c'mon. Tumblrina's take that line of logic too far with their genderpirate/autistgender thing.


Next in the evolution: "Why don't you have a boyfriend?"


As someone who's not gay, my reaction was "that's really gay" I just expected the marine to be more dignified.


It's just one of those things, I guess.


I literally up, then downvoted you.


At least he wasn't a party pooper.


Plot twist: He is his own boss!

_^((Directed by M. Night Shyamalan)^)_

EDIT: 57 downvotes? Seriously, I thought it was pretty witty.


I hate when people say that post-traumatic stress disorder isn't a real thing. It's gone by different names for over a century. Shell shock, combat fatigue, combat stress reaction, etc. It's a real thing, and it's killing more soldiers than war.


I laughed. Perfect timing.


this is the most hilarious one I've read so far.


All I see are a thousand neckbeards attempting to justify their shitty game with a decade old clip of 2 nerds wasting their lives on useless tech moves.


Probably illegal as well?


Is this really the most you've ever laughed at a youtube video?
Try watching these

http://youtu.be/Q5DhQ0qvHZs
http://youtu.be/7NbkEPROQN8

edit: coming back to reddit and seeing -72 points. http://i.imgur.com/XjZH3.gif


I guess he had a lot of gas in his chamber


It was actually me, I just figured that if anyone were to visit and the first thing they see is someone flipping the bird then it doesn't leave a good impression... also so if someone walks by my desk at work when I'm procrastinating I don't get a message from HR.


Cannot upvote this enough. My grandmother was in ICU (and was taken home because two of my family are nurses and thought they could take better care of her), and when  I visited her in the hospital the only thing she'd say repeatedly was "I want to go to heaven."

If they're in pain and want to die, stop being fucking selfish and *let them die.*


No one said anything about the man or the government... where are you pulling this stuff from...


And you'll be able to take her breath away 60% faster.


Oh noes, mah triggers!


He had to keep his adrenaline up so the poison wouldn't kill him.


I bet he'll have a wild time living in that shit hole of a county.


My only regret is that I have bonitis

         -Ron Jeremy


Except Biden sounded like a bumbling idiot on tv...

EDIT: Look at the hivemind downvoting different opinions, what's new :)


It'll never change.  In fact, there's a chance it could escalate after sex.  Never stick your dick in crazy.  The juice is never worth the squeeze.


Yes, but this is a thread for guys with big arms, so maybe you come back here when you sport 18s or bigger?


You're thinking too small, brother K.

Two words.

Koala. Army.


Those people needed not to fail initially. Warsaw pact "oppression" wouldnt happen if Europe had its shit together instead of collapsing to a country that just recovered from a WW1.


Good! Any idea why he was bleeding?


>Choosing to look the way I look today has, I'm sure, got me where I am.

Typical delusional whore. Yes your looks have definitely got you where you are. It's probably easier to act like you don't know that though.


Flint is like Detroit for poor people.


>not all white people are like that

~~A no true scottsman~~(i was wrong about that one) a sign of your own cognitive bias.

Let me break it down, for a fellow whitey.  To say that  reverse racism exists, while denying that privilege due to skin color exists, is to deny that racism as a whole as ever existed.


That was the vaguest spoiler ever


It's like you're missing the point


> There were no cameras around so it wasn't porn

i like your logic...


Yeah, lets bash OP cause his title was inaccurate with my reaction to the image.

http://i.minus.com/iQP2oSgKeX3uU.gif


Criminal Minds has a "murder porn" aspect that he probably wasn't comfortable with.


lol what success? It was a mess.


"An expert is someone who has made every possible mistake in a very narrow field."


Somebody had to say it.


2 people obviously won't eat even remotely close to that many eggs before they expire.  Hopefully you donate them ASAP while they can still be used or your awesome conquest turns into a pointless and dickish waste.


im not saying he has to die. but if its the only way to stem the tide


Misinterpreting a female's subtle hints towards certain fun extracurricular activities as harmless real estate examination is like not being able to tell the difference in radiation levels between salt and a tab from an empty can of NOS because you were too busy polishing the bottom of a disused reliquary.


Not everything is a video game, kid.


I hope you do something *amazing* with all the time you saved by typing all those "ur"s.


Your friend is really the black guy?  I thought he would be the guy ignoring the chick so he could order a drink.


OMGEE LAWL xD YES ECKS DEE ECKS DEE LE SPANGBIB EN LE MEINKAMPF xD

**EDIT**: fuccccckkkkkk I was joking oh my god


I fucking love the english office.  Some of the greatest TV OF ALL TIME.


dont u dare make fun of le fack9gag!


With a name like LaserWolfTurbo88, I'd say so.


if by "dramatic" you meant "not obeying the laws of physics" then sure.


You don't realise how much it helps until you disable it at midnight


Heck, i even report posts to make them go away. I couldn't care less bout them rules.


I'm part Japanese and I when I was about 7, I asked my mother why us Orientals have slanted eyes. She said it was because we spend a lot of time on the toilet scrunching our eyes because we're frequently constipated due to amount of rice we consume.


ProbabilityOfFurries is a racist troll. Ignore his hate.


*Kid's finally found some other survivors. The Calamity ain't left many alive. Shame it's left even fewer dead.*

*This one fellow starts regaling 'em with his tales. Kid's a bit of a skeptic, decides to take it with a grain of salt.*

*By the end of it though, he's all-out weeping for noble Maklo.*

*Sometimes, stories don't have to be real to hurt you good and true.*


HAHA I bet that little piece of shit squealed like a bitch as it was burning alive.


I am imagining Damien as a mafia boss. A mafia porn boss.


So you're saying it's a condition right? Guess what people do when they have conditions? They get that shit looked at.

Stop crying.


I'm american and I think it's so gross when people wear their shoes in the house. What if you had stepped in something disgusting, plus why would you want to track dirt into the house that you will just have to vacuum up anyway? It makes no sense to me.


Who are "they" that you are talking about? Do you know black people? Do you spend time in black communities?  Or are you going off of a case study of the few black people you have known in your life?


I know the most outstanding thing I witnessed was a train going through my hometown with President Franklin Roosevelt's body on it.  He died in Georgia and sent him by rail through my town.

The biggest (greatest) change in society has been the Civil Rights movement.


15 year olds don't have good ideas.

It's rare that humans under the age of 23 do anything really useful.


Are you sure that wasn't just a hobo that wandered in and started teaching classes?


Do they? Interesting.


Great solution. A few thousand people return their TVs and this will never happen again.


I'm replying here so that everyone can see it.

STOP POSTING THE SAME SHIT OVER AND OVER IT'S ANNOYING WE GET IT YOU ALL SUCK AT DRAWING NOW STOP FILLING THE SPAM FOLDER OF THIS SUBREDDIT


I mean.. he had a broken arm, what else was he supposed to do?


Die in a fire, nigger.


Hey dumbass, learn to spell "Skeptic"


For the loneliest: the second one comes before the first.


A helmet is a choice in many states.


Stop yelling, cuntface.


How is r/atheism any different.  Do you honestly not see r/atheism as the cult that it is?  All of the ones I know IRL think the exact same thing.


I believe that's a goomba in the Super Mario Bros movie.


It's good news for when I post antiSRS drama, certainly.


\¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edit: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edit: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Edit: GODDAMNIT! what am i doing wrong here?

Edit: ¯\_(ツ)_//¯, \\¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edit: fuck it i give up.... (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻..... ಠ_ಠ

***FINAL EDIT:*** *you ^magnificent bastards. Thank you!!*


Well if I learned anything from Guts, it was probably an auto-erotic asphyxiation accident. He was just trying to get his rocks off. Still tragic.... still tragic.


Thank you sir, for your generous $100 tip.

Oh, no problem.  I like to help out where I ca.. How much was that tip again?


That's not why they're upset about it.

They're worried it may aggravate tensions on campus and make it unsafe for Muslim students. I can't say whether those fears have any teeth to them without knowing what the existing situation is though.

The student council seems to want to use it as a center point for discussion, who knows how that will go over.


you are my new favorite person for this to be your only question to ask a legal prostitute.


uuhhh... you don't really understand how startups work do you? &#3232;\_&#3232;


It could have been a sweaty old dude ejaculating into your eye, I think your situation is better


ill be as harsh as i want to be


I'm about to have a beautiful baby girl in 2 months. She doesn't have a name yet and I was wondering if I give her to you can I have your shark costume?


I think what he was saying was a runescape reference


> What is your goal in life?

Going to the bathroom.  Haha.  Not really.  Going to another galaxy!

> Where do you want to be when you are your dads age?

Doing Crazy Monkey Games.


You must be funny because of your superiority to teenagers.


My mom was like that when I was growing up, all natural, all organic, all snake oil. I'm in my mid-twenties now, and I had cupcakes for breakfast. So everything turned out okay.


Sweet, I was wondering where the 14 year olds were. Hey buddy. ;)


Ye was like "do a written"
The guy was thinking "oh fuck that was written"


the mods and some key contributers (who wish to remain secret) met yesteday and discussed it, then we had a vote.


Lol wouldn't even enter that room.


Your mom must have been one hell of a fucking loser to have had  a child with a man that incapable of being a father. You frame a picture of her stupid face? It would fit in right along with the cheque.


Top tip: Cold water -- not hot -- is a much better solvent and cleanup agent.


Your country has an average IQ around 80.  Therefore your country is too *innately* stupid to support a working form of democracy.

 I predict this will not last and your country will stay a shithole.


This is when you discover that you and OP are siblings.


The hands of your father could have been left out.  Bit on the sexual adjective tip there.


A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?" The horse does not have the capacity to speak, and promptly runs out of the bar knocking over several tables on his way out.


Thanks for the comment/support.


I'm a surgeon and I'm just finding this out. Time to renew that malpractice insurance!


Bad science, eh? Kind of like Darwinian evolution. Cannot be observed or duplicated. Definitely politically correct.

[Edit] To the usual Science Reddit politically correct censorship squad: Fuck you.


Goddammit..

[Here](http://i.imgur.com/4sMg1TG.jpg) it really is in negative[.](http://i.imgur.com/nin3Uy8.jpg)

Edit: punctuation


free running is so gay. its as gay as he looks with his hair like that.


*Only in a sexual way*.  Okay..yeah..that might get out of hand.


Seriously though. Who even cares what color the dress is? I've got better things to worry about.


When talking to my lawyer, I'm already regretting that I will have to say "Well Eric, I was talking to pootastic online and he suggested this course of action - what do you think?"


it is not lazy bullshit. when ever microsoft automatically CAPs a letter, i go back and change it to lower. it is how i prefer to write. you faggot.


I mean shes ugly alright but she aint a 1. You have never even seen a 1. A 1 makes you feel disorientated and scared for your emotional well being (think the hills have eyes kinda people).


Hey, what the fuck, man? Congrats, but that was unnecessary.


'Where do you see yourself in five years?'

'*Don't say doin your wife, don't say doin your wife...* uhhh doin your son?'


Then learn how to use translators and stop being a moron?


TIL I've been paying way too much to piss on people.


My only regret is that I can only give *you* one downvote.

EDIT: GIVE ME MOAR!! MOAR DOWNVOTES!!!

EDIT: IT'S NOT ENOUGH, FAGS!!! MOAR DOWNVOTES!!!!

EDIT: POKEMON IS FOR LOSERS!! I GOT SOME BALLLLLLLS YOU CAN HAVE!!!!!! DOWNVOTES!!

EDIT: SUCK A FAT ONE!!!!!
FUCK YOU WEIRDFAGS!! GO LOOK UP SOME MORE CP!!!


Wow, that's ridiculous of the mom to even ask...


It's fucking funny. Quit being a crybaby bitch.


*blows cocaine in your face*


you should take your own advice, lol!


it's a bit cold...

it's a bit cold..


As a matter of interest, I use the name cuntbox because if a user can't get past the name without mentioning in some kind of smart ass manner such as the way you just did, I immediately know all I need to  about that user, ie, they are a shallow superficial hipster doofus.


The fuck kind of school did you go to?


Racist.

EDIT: /s tag guys!!!!


I am in an open marriage and people like this piss me off more then anything. They justify their behavior by hiding under a subculture that they do not understand or respect.


Yes, it's terrible. It nicely documents how does barnevernet break whole families and that it doesn't fulfill its promises (as they changed their mind to return the children).


It's like keying your own car.
...wait.


This guy is a PEDOPHILE.

From one of his posts in /r/mailjailbait:

Confirmation bias (both of us); I prefer the younger teens and think most (more than 60%) postings here depict borderline-too-old-for-my-tastes guys. Never seen obviously prepubescent, maybe two or three potentially prepubescent.


Have fun getting all the green cards back...


Not that I beleive the moon landing was a hoax, but someone telling the truth would just laugh.  Someone trying to hide a lie often overreacts and lashes out.


yeah, that came up organically.


I stand by the opinion that growers don't really exist, it's just a bunch of self-conscious guys who came up with an excuse.

You can't build what ain't there


And we're all just sitting here looking at pictures of cats on the internet.


Fuck you and youre fucking idea stealing comment.


I'm a server at a restaurant. I have never messed with someone's food, and I've never seen anyone else do it, but seriously. Be nice to the people who handle your food.


funny? seems pretty stupid childish and immature and shows the creativity of a 12 year old who laughs at stupid humor

still I wouldn't report it, just think its straight up dumb and retarded to be honest


I once pretended to be a girl; I grew out my hair, got a boob job, and started working odd jobs under the name of "Molly"


I think it's supposed to be "In Debt," but someone else probably already has that plate.

Edit: Saying "N" out loud sounds much closer to "in" than "no."


Put honey down where they tap their fingers. Catch them once and it might be pretty funny.

Don't leave it there; that's how you get ants.


You are such a faggot. Enjoy the impending down votes. Fag.


Intercourse with multiple partners.


RIGHT!

Tell us more about everything you know about soft penises vs. hard penises. You sound like quite the expert. You also sound very jealous of a guy with a pretty big dick.

"OMG! It's not limp. It's half hard."

those are the words of a very, very jealous dude with a small fucking dick. Sucks to be you.


I'd be okay with tattooed eyebrows if it turned out she was like a nuclear chemist and burned her eyebrows off permanently in a horrific lab explosion which also gave her super powers.

the likeliest of scenarios


I think you mean /r/circlejerk


Joseph knows all about that.


Hes practically begging for the downvotes though.


The mental image I just got was priceless


Especially a breed that goes for the jugular.


You should knead it a little.  Like 5 seconds.


fuck confidence..just be strong enough to hold them down

Edit: Its amazing that this comment was at +20 at one point now its all the way at -5. Thats impressive. Apparently the west coast doesnt appreciate rape jokes.


When children start to beg and plead
for greenish eggs or cats in hats,
the parents roll their eyes and read
our *Shitty Rhymes for Whiny Brats*.


TOOK YOU DOWN TO ZERO D:<!!!


Imagine the karma of they found a Martian cat


Probably because there's a concerted hipster agenda to make Libya seem like a war for oil and Gaddafi a good guy because the Arab uprisings are like so mainstream now.

Edit: Oh no I said the H word now people have to deal with not being unique. :-(


I'm gonna RES tag you as 'pitch him insane plots', because you seem to really hate that.


16 year old male reporting in, the girl in the picture is a fucking retard and my only hope is that natural selection kills her soon.


Malaysia Airlines flight 370


I found the .gif and posted what I had found.
For connection related issue please contact your ISP.


She'll end up your wife. That's how these things go.


Wow... just looked at your comment history.... impossible to hate you now. Just filled with deep, deep sympathy.


Not again ... you need to get your shit together Spongebob.


You're the best kind of person.


Too bad this joke has been used in this meme before. OP just reworded it


Jesus Christ that's a lot.


That look on their face was that look you get when someone tells you it's OK to insult them and their beliefs, and call all muslims towel-head terrorists because "LOOK, FREE SPEECH, OK? SO WHAT IF I AM A BIGOTED RACIST SPREADING LIES I CAN SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT, MR TERRORIST"


just spent a minute writing it with my finger on my laptop


No, I'm actually not. But I do think it is very funny that you said you quit drinking yet you still drink a significant amount. Thanks for making the bitchy comment though; that added a lot. As you said, this is a thread about our experiences and I was just trying to share mine.


You mean when we sold Saddam chemical weapons knowing full well what he would do with them?


I want to be the only non-downvoted response!!


> CUNT. AH YEAH, THIS IS DINGO, MATE.

FTFY.


Sounds like you need a boyfriend.

I volunteer as tribute.

Edit: Ouch guys, downvotes making me go downlow.


Hah! At a Red Robin, we ordered extra pickles. Like, a lot of extra pickles.

The nice waitress brought a side-salad bowl full of pickles.

My brother and I polished off the whole thing. With *relish*.


This is the dumbest fucking video animation I have ever seen, you are both idiot queers and should never post on Reddit again.  **GTFO**


They all look like Harry Potter or Tom Cruise to me.  -black guy


Then you videotape that shit and post it on redtube.


Wow... That got grim *really* fast...


God dammit mark what did I tell you about leaving your underwear all over the floor.

Also next time try to keep the anal lube up your ass next time, I'm not gonna keep cleaning that up.


as a white American, I can confirm that they are indeed Mexican.


Or for decent people who support quality productions, and don't steal everything.


Yep.  I have a wife and two kids.  I love them all.


Haterade bro. I was hoping this would be one of many Conan posts.


P.S. and they suck at Starcraft.


And you're stupid for it :d


Brace yourself for the most brilliant argument in the last 100 years....

I shit you not... "Dogs are Canines"


You're a fucking idiot.


Yep, he's going to work his wood


You haven't met thousands of people to begin with.

There's some science-y youtube video explaining that if you live until the average age of like 77, met 1 person every 5 minutes, no sleeping you couldn't even meet 100,000 people.

Now I'm supposed to believe you've met thousands of people? Are you fucking stupid? THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.


Exactly this. In fact, I support SomethingAwful on this. Freedom of speech is important, but children shouldn't be brought into the picture against their will. Let's get these creeps off the site.


Everything on the Internet is a repost of a repost. 182 people must have missed it. I'll be sure to not try and add to the redundancy of this subreddit next time.


It's starting to bother me you english-speaking people putting "le" in front of every word. Baguette is a feminine word it's "La baguette"


The United States does not recognize "north Korea." There officially is no such thing. We are at war with Korea.


Finally season three! Season two must have been so popular OP went straight to three!


How can you get mad at someone for wanting something male oriented when you are strictly doing something female oriented? You harass people outside Walmart but they aren't allowed to talk back?


Some people are utter scum and have no idea how much their hate filled rants to look edgy have an effect on others. I am glad you survived and wish you all the best in life.


It's funny because it's the worst answer. lolol xD

-52 points, I'm a reddit superstar LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOFLOLL XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD


Its almost like the world is trying to avoid having major powers go to war with each other.

People don't want to fight anymore..


And you're a dead-on faggot.


Working in a preschool will definitely make you notice all of your flaws because the kids fucking point them out.


Stop throwing food on the floor!


But on the more scandalous side, you're self employed! &#3232;\_&#3232;


No way, who could have guessed -.-


"Dear _____, congratulations on the birth of your son, Grampy. I am drunk"

- W


Downvoted because breaking bad is a shitty show


Yeh, but what's impressive is that he's the ONLY contributor to wikipedia


That's awful but I would have kept the nudes too

edit: Her post was down on page two with hardly any upvotes and no comments when I replied. I like to think it was my reply that got her gold. You're welcome hotsy__totsy


You have to start out as female and climb the corporate ladder to male.


Making fun of unoriginal reddit submissions: Check!

Woo Woo!  All aboard the karma train!


Lmao that's dedication to gainz, getting his protein in anyway he can. Might be a mod over at /r/gainit.

Edit so the replies below make sense: Originally I tried to help this guy out by telling him his link wasn't blue and I fixed it by doing this r/wtf


My point stands. No foreign country, especially one we are currently at war with, should have this kind of access to spying on American households.

Yes, we are currently at war with Korea.


This works in the same way that nobody expects a 26 year old man to shoplift Freddo bars.


it's just fizz imo. didn't see much of a play there just a normal fizz kill


It's because this image is a photoshop of [this image](http://www.dailyfundose.net/wp-content/uploads/What-Will-Make-You-Feel-Better1.jpg) which is a shop of [the original](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrc1k6dx2T1qlfs1so1_500.jpg).


It's a joke from lifting circles, such as [OMITTED] EDIT: I GET IT, IM NOT SUPPOSED TO LINK TO YOU GUYS, Thanks for the couple hundred negative comment karma.

Creatine is seen by the general public to be akin to a steroid, so theres much mockery of that notion


I was told there would be no math.


Yes... and if you enjoy that im glad for you. But to me its incredibly boring. I cancelled plans just to  watch Melee 1v1, as they advertised it would be streamed from 1 to 4:30PM.

I cant understand why someone would stream doubles, but not single. That make no sense to me.


I completely agree.  There is such a large difference in quality between the $15 pot you can find at WalMart, versus even a triple-ply Cuisinart pot.  You get much more even heat distribution, better rivets/welds, and it will last _much_ longer.


> The bible is a book of fiction

[False](http://www.library.illinois.edu/ugl/about/dewey.html#200).

> utterly irrelevant to man or beast.

[False](http://www.adherents.com/Religions_By_Adherents.html).

13 words, and two errors.  You are on your way to the dumbass hall of fame.


THE GENTLEMAN IS CORRECT IN CONFIRMING THIS!


You do realize that's rape, right? Forcing your genitals into someone without their consent is rape even if he is your husband.


You can't turn the other cheek without being smacked first!


Why do some smokers feel like it's their right to fuck up their body, the bodies of those around them, and in this case the enviroment they smoke in?

CLARIFICATION: You want to fuck up your body? Fine. But not at the expense of the other  peoples bodies and environment.

Otherwise do as you wish.


You're like the type of person to criticize someone for telling their because they didn't say the right words at the right time, but you still understood the story


I hope that someone is watching this and realizes that its their mother.


I don't read newspapers. Nor read clickbait websites. I use google news like a decent human.


See.. a witch hunt.. called it..


I don't know, remember when DJ Khaled's single [broke iTunes and he had to give Apple permission to use more powerful servers](http://imgur.com/wg5P7W2) in order to distribute 4 minutes of 'da bes'?


Edit: Point taken, don't explain jokes. Won't make that mistake again.


kiss the cook 'napron'

ftfy


He's a prick but he's not trying to hurt her.  You really think he wakes up and says "I'm gonna make her feel like shit today"? He wants her to lose weight, obviously, and it seems he thinks tough love is the way to go.  Whether or not he come off as a prick doesn't mean he's intentionally trying to hurt her.


Well, you can't just have some random adult be like "you're Batman now." That shit ain't got no authority. Only Batman can make other Batmans.


Funny thing, last year when I did this I clicked 37.


Well, those baguettes *are* delicious.


This.

Edit: Downvotes. Really?


It was one of those rare moments in life where you think "Why did I even speak today?"


Doesn't count. Child was zombie, and already had his brains eaten.


They say it because it's her alibi.


I am upset that you think this is a burn.


No thanks. I already have a penis.


Likely a massive troll by butthurt Atheists, but anyhow.


I feel like that might do a lot of good for international relations...


I used to have super powers, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I believe that both would get maternity leave. From what I've read, you can get maternity leave when adopting a child, and fathers can be eligible for paternity leave, so your partner having a child should be the same.


WTF are you guys doing on 4chan? o.O


Honestly, race is almost NEVER an issue if the brown man is dressed well. Unfortunately the stereotype fulfulls itself and most black men that come to my door are dressed like shit. In alot of ways I give the black men that DO come dressed well  more leverage over the other people in my eyes because they're breaking the norm.


You uneducated types don't, actually. That's sort of the reason you're so very okay with not knowing things, or simply getting them wrong.


You win.  It just keeps getting worse and worse.


*zerg is just too damn good.

FTFY


He should fucking stop then.


all points to him being gay


She seems like an entitled cunt


Well, the swallowing part wasn't even in question here.

It was the faceshot.

So, another woman into getting a face full of jizz.


Ginger here dating no one.


Not here to argue about what's NSFL, just added the tag because it scarred me, or rather just to play safe. But thanks.


oh really? in that case i'd like to double down.


Odd tangent, but I don't think "passed away" is an appropriate phrase for the circumstances. "Passed away" makes sense for dying quietly in your sleep, not for being suddenly killed in a car wreck.


You have good friends. Mine would have spent the rest of the day trying to recreate it


Downvoted for attempting to whore some extra comment karma out of this.

**EDIT**: But that is pretty cool.


Nah, OP doesn't really have a point. This is just atheism circlejerking combined with anti-corporate circlejerking (oh and praising a well-liked burger joint) so it's guaranteed karma.


"Currency." Buttcoins are a pipe dream, all they're good for is drug trading and alpaca socks. And scamming nerds into paying enormous electricity bills to enrich the first few people to get in on the scam, when generating coins was easy.


Nikola Tesla's solution would have involved time travel probably.


So you used to be emo, got it.


Yo where you buying underwear?


yeah black people are ugly we get it racist piece of shit


>community theatre. Appropriately enough, often the kids who would be signed up for these classes would be... unique -- whose parents didn't know what else to do with their "imaginative" kids than to drop them off at an acting class

Processing...  ...  ...realization hits

FUCK. I was that kid.


From my experience with Chatroulette, it wouldn't.


I don't even remember signing in


>fam

Definitely black guy commenting

>Do not add "bruh" or "fam" or similar vernacular to your post or comment just to sound black. It makes you look like a try-hard.

BlackPeopleTwitter rules


You need a web show. Jamie and Adam build weird shit and explain it like real scientists. (also fuck ratings)


There are shitty people everywhere in every subreddit. I don't agree with that post just like I don't disagree with every SJW post on other subs. It's the principles the sub stands for that I agree with (for the most part).


This is sad but I can't help but notice her name is Gayla J. Walker. Gayla...J-Walker.

Edit: Thank you to whoever gilded me for my slightly morbid comment. First gold!


Well aren't you a charming human being.


Like the whole "Nobody cares Apostolate" thing?

^^And ^^reddit ^^in ^^general?


Now that gays are allowed in the military, I don't care as much if they end up tortured in a camp somewhere.

Think about it ... soldiers are now dispensible in a way they never were before .... hmmmmmmm


You just need to faggot less


I used to question the best novelty account in the world, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


It's weed... from the [future](http://sb129.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/sb-129.jpg)


Best part, my wife keeps going on about how much of a "loving uncle" I am and is clueless that the kid is mine.


life...uhhh...finds a way


Who the fuck actually likes reading these stupid lyric chains


> Carnita Matthews, 47, was originally convicted of falsely accusing a police officer of trying to remove her burqa during a random breath test.

Maybe, but I think the law is a bit harsh for forcing women who are stopped at traffic signs to uncover their burqa. Saudi Arabia has found a perfect and fair golden middleway. By not allowing women to drive.


That story sounds like an apocryphal fiction. Surely, this is not accurate.


lol. hickies sometimes. I slipped on lube once.


How many brains do we need? We all get it. Brains don't hold up so well from concussions


"You have 2 presidents?"


What a surprise, she's a fucking liar like all the rest of the republicans.


Oh my god everything is a chemical! Apples are chemicals bananas are chemicals. Seriously everything edible is made up of chemicals with insanely long complicated names that would scare the shit out of so many people.


Mock if you will. Go right ahead!

I'll have the last laugh on judgement day.

Seriously, that's about the only thing some days that keeps me from wanting to strangle spiteful loudmouths like superwinky.


Psalms 139:10
>Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me.


Pretty pathetic, too, as it was really unfunny.

edit: [Don't: Downvote opinions just because you disagree with them. The down arrow is for comments that add nothing to the discussion.](http://www.reddit.com/help/reddiquette)


This is the best one I've read. No one gets insulted and you get instant legend status.


1.write down the # of the original one

2.find all the ones that don't have it

3.????

4.profit


they dont talk about hickey rape as often as they should


TERF is nothing more than a buzzword created by the social justice cult to silence opposition with childish tactics like name calling. You can identify as anything you want and that should be respected but that doesn't change your biological makeup.


> attacked a soldier taking a dump and got shot

You have to be pretty damn unlucky to be shot by a dude in the shitter.


He said the sole reason for non-purchase was that it wasn't in English. I pointed out that what difference does the language matter if the goal is to support what you like, and you can still read the scanlation?

And buying something you haven't read in any way doesn't make sense. I don't understand the point you're trying to make with that.


I'll wear my sweatpants wherever, and however I want to. Thank you.


i don't think she should really be suing, but it certainly is ridiculous what happened to her. suing over what amounts to embarrassment is one of the things i really hate about these once great united states. and you can't put a monetary value on what had to have been an extremely traumatic event for the children.


Married and rich hey? That's not a monk, that's a con artist playing dress-up.


Surgeons close wounds when they're done, not open them.


I'm a 27 year old man, and I feel beautiful!


It's about as relevant as your team.


I despise the harm they are doing. I get emails and messages constantly from young people who have read and seen their message. Many of them are terrified. On top of that this whole hate thing adds immensely to the social idea that gays are lesser citizens or humans. This idea is what some people use to do harm to these people. I hold my father and siblings responsible for this harm.


Because you are a fucking cunt.


No, I did not. The comedy world and the "straight theatre" were very self-contained, very autonomous groups, and I was in 100% ignorance to that fecund chuckle-field. I was working on plays, mostly with my company, The Defiant Theatre, 24/7, so it was all I could do to see another play that a friend was in, let alone go see comedy.


> police catch us

> tell us to get on the floor

> everybody do the dinosaur


Telling people that Carl Sagan was a huge cannabis enthusiast, who attributed his highest level thinking to marijuana, is always fun!


What "critical thinking" have they had to do lately? Contemplating what Chaucer meant in Canterbury Tales doesn't count.


jumped out of bed and drew this in the dark, extra shitty just for you!

http://shittywatercolour.tumblr.com/post/22865490393


That's not football.  It's soccer.


>>"Use your fucking turn signals correctly and appropriately. Also, fuck Comcast and Jenny."

ftfy.

RE: OMG GOLD!?!?! Thank you! Having a really bad and emotional day, actually teared up at the gold. Happy tears, or rather happy and I can't believe something so silly is so awesome up tears. THANK YOU!


Yeah, the kid looks really hurt.  If you look closely I think you can see blood squirt out his ears.  Too bad the father didn't punch the other guy's head off.  He just saved his family.  Hope the hospital bills for his child weren't too much.


Aaaaannd now I don't want to be a teacher anymore.


You're definitely not creepy at all, and definitely not the reason that some women conveniently never mention their gender.


>he's a millionaire now

>in the past year my sister has come to love my dad as well

&#3232;\_&#3232; how convenient


Neither do you! Bwaha!


>Ath thomeone with a lithp, fuck the word lithp.

FTFY


no different than liberals and CBC.

When the cons actually move to defund the CBC, then you can actually find it disturbing. Till then, you're just baseless posturing over nothing more than whats been the norm for governments for basically ever....


You don't cover your balls? The extra is for the balls.


Your mom's a pretty universal BITCH.


the funny thing is, this was installed by his hired handyman. Money well spent.


Lol, Subway takes requests as well and I'd want her on my lips!! Both set of them ;)


IT IS INTENDED DESTINATION?


I like how I commented this first and I'm the one who gets down voted.


Funny! English is widely spoken in most of Europe!  As a world traveler that speaks English (and passing Spanish), I can attest to this. However, if I want to converse in English and lessen the chance of a European eavesdropping, I switch over to Ebonics/Jive and most are oblivious.  Unless that damn Barbara Billingsley is around to translate for them.


>Good, smoking is so unsexy.

Guys hear this as well. I am a guy, and personally have had women say this to me.

Maybe, just maybe, every once in a while, you should leave your gender studies degree at home and give people the benefit of the doubt. Just sayin.


I used to be able to ban people like you.


Why do you say that? because he had to go on a torrent site to beg people to buy his DRM free indie game for $10? Wow what a good guy dev.


an anthropologist's dream.


Look everyone, this person has a boyfriend!


The face that launched a thousand dicks.


Yeah, I fail to see how revealing the name of the show would hurt other people... esp. if the show is already off the air. LOL


I think this is the worst one i've seen yet.


yeah, think about all those civil rights protestors and how annoying that all must have been. It's not like the entire purpose of protest, a fundamental right and part of a free society, is disruption and civil disobedience.


They get paper clips to come to you.


Amusing to those spared by evolution.


Take a spoonful of concrete in the morning and harden the fuck up


I posted because I think I have a nice body and that people would enjoy it. Hey why not? I don't get the harm in posting to GW. Not because he watches porn because we were in agreeance to not look at/post or have anything to do with porn and now we are allowing from both sides.


Upon waking up "Hey, this Nirvana band are good. Do they have any new- OH. Fuck."


He lasted less than 5 seconds. Did he not know what was going to happen? How can he say this was torture if he only lasted 5 seconds?


No its more than just one, I just have one still around that's at flat zero. Thanks for being an asshole though.


A pissing match usually means both parties have urine. The US is bone dry, has a bladder infection, and the company health insurance is calling it a pre-existing condition.


Sure there is, you just don't see it because you believe in the statist religion.

Let me guess, "schooled" in public schools for 12 years of your life starting at a young age? Yes, yes, and the kids who are brought up in religious environments are *totally* not indoctrinated either.


That's what I was thinking, props for the serial killer handwriting.


Because it never happened. Nobody tried to delete "cultural marxism" off Wikipedia. What happened was that gamergaters were using the term incorrectly and were blocked from changing the wikipedia page to fit their incorrect definition.


Actually, Ants can survive temperatures up to 1500, and it most likely wasn't the heat that killed them, but the lack of oxygen. They probably survived for about a minute after the aluminum was poured.


Oh I agree. Glenn's reaction was very well done too. Steven Yuen is a great actor.


You're right. Thankfully, my thinking doesn't generate from a peer-voting system.


As a straight guy, I've done a double-take at other men.


For science right??? LOL. Get it??????????? Hehehehahahahrhehehe

Edit: why the downboats?


There was actually an idea to have the Guests "fall" backwards into a dirt hole while a gravedigger, shovel in hand, looks down at them. They scrapped the idea after deciding it was too morbid.


Sorry, but Chauster and Double seem to beat you every game you play. You even ban ali and sometimes soraka specifically because you lost to them so damn much.


Seriously, stop being an attention whore and just hit the fucking upvote button and move on.


It happened to my ex gf.  She let me do anything to her in bed.


What an idiot, islam is a planet.


You can measure the MLS quality level of players seeing that skill executed by Altidore (passing the ball through the legs of the defender).

In his life he did something like that.

Ban the defender to play Football... forever.


Yeah, but they can't move, remember?


Your response was to say he's a guest host like that should excuse the fact that I didn't find him funny. Well, it doesn't.

I've been watching The Late Late Show show since Tom Snyder was host. Kilborn was my favorite. I know what a guest host is, and so that's why I got smarmy with you.

BTW...you're welcome. Anytime.


DISCLAIMER: NOT HOT TEA


*myself, you fucking twat.


> Why would you buy a turkey skull when you can have 6 more raccoon penises?

That sentence has never been uttered before in the history of mankind.

That's so fucking awesome. That 15 word combination is yours, Crawlspace.

Own it.

Live it.


yeah you fing idiot looks like bile if all I was eating was bile where am I

edit: I'm at home


Where the stories are made up and the facts don't matter.


Garbage cans are disgusting. I wouldn't touch one. That is why I dump all my garbage out in the middle of a parking lot.

edit: downvotes? really?

edit2: I'm not joking either, I'll dump like 10 burger king bags out at once.

edit3: more downvotes? really?


Man, that would have been terrible. I would have hated it if my sister's hot 20 year old friends wanted to have sex with 16 year old me. Just awful.


background people the same as well? or just the 3 in the front? http://moviereleased.com


There was some hostility towards the defecting diggers at first, so I wouldn't say it was entirely open arms.


Dane owners hate when you compare their dog to a horse.


Man, you guys are young.

[Magnavox Remote Locator Commercial ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cPxSk3uIvk)


You really aren't a very nice person... Don't fucking trigger people on purpose right after they tell you their fucking insecurity. I had a productive night ahead of me, but nope.... Good night.


He is way too unstable for NiP imo. -maikel +schneider


No, we broke up a few years later, but I'm still in touch with clay.

We're *friends*, you bastards.


I came here to say the same thing, knowing it would get tons of downvotes (what's with redditors hating honesty?). Anyway, have an upvote on me.

EDIT: Spelling.


Well, if you don't mind...

Edit: You know what, forget what I said. Protection of privacy is very important!


Brush your teeth with my nuts for all I care.


That's exactly what I'm thinking. It wasn't a public declaration and the person who sent the email worded it rather tactfully. I would imagine she has received worse words from people and didn't broadcast that over the network. I really don't understand why she would for this particular email.


Didnt suffer? She was murdered by someone from her church!. Where was God? Or was this his will/plan?


That's when you wrap your hands around them and strangle them. When they start gasping for air say "breathing hard or hardly breathing?" while making direct eye contact until you hear that death rattle.

I always just fake a laugh and go "yep." Either way though.


>le I recommend it. It's le pretty awesome and I don't normally watch le animated series.

FTFY :P


Brb moving to Australia.


I would argue that one can't be sexist against men, you can be prejudiced for sure but I think that sexism requires an element of power.


Don't worry too much. Swallowed ants almost never survive to inhabit your intestines, forming a new colony which slowly eats you from the inside out.

Almost never.


are you fucking serious?


Wow, you've greatly improved since you started this.  I mean, you were never bad but I honestly read that and thought it was a famous poem you were referencing until I saw your username.

Keep at it.


Not true, condoms are between 2-15% effective, which most female contraceptives have shown to be far more effective and nearly immune to user-error: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_birth_control_methods#Comparison_table


I don't know which is worse; the idea that Kim Kardashian thinks she can break the internet, that there are people who agree with her or just that people think that she is in any way good


Goddamn, guy. You had to go and ruin this good thing by referring to yourself as the "dad" of the dog. What's next, are you going to put a little sweater on him?


I'm pretty sure he meant the compliment; because he said the guy was no biggie.


THERTS BLB RERGHT THER.


I want to get a pizza this thread.


That reminds me of another joke...

There's three apples on the table, Jamal takes two. What colour is Jamal?


I actually don't feel bad for the kid, *because* it's entirely his fault. I feel bad for the dog... and to some extent OP as well.


I put it to you, good citizen redditor. Is not "/r/iamverysmart" quite possibly frequented by the dumbest people on reddit? I'm starting to get the willies like when I land at O'Hare Airport.


Nothing has ever not happened as much as this didn't happen.


how negative this comment is in so few words makes me cringe a little


Note to self: **Never** date /u/lil_fishy.


Yes let's all violate copyrights. /s


Dude, I'd lose my shit if he said, "Thanks, Obama" under his breath and just stood there silently for the rest of the five minutes.


I hardly think a suicide victim is the best person to be taking advice off.


I don't understand how this even seemed like a good idea?


And Dota is better when the only big event of the year is an invitational ? Lmao.


Yep, I think it(the massacre) gave over 100 years of time for the forests to regrow.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have the solution for global warming. It's simple...we kill the chinese.


God doesn't exist, you are doing the work of an hero.


I spent a good 5 minutes listening to that song trying to understand why they would owe USPS money. I'm dumb.


The 20-on-1 thing was quite unnecessary, yes. But she didn't "get what she deserved". She gave him a little slap on the cheek, it didn't hurt. He was never in danger. Because you know... She's a women and he's a man.

She was on the other hand. Because you know... She's a women and he's a man.


The clear move the Man will take


People that play LoL lmao


Or make an account.

Bitch, I use this site like twice a year and am never going to remember a password that meets all your bullshitty requirements. If you force me to make an account then I'm leaving for good.


I am the TRUE Eric Fullenbaum, and I say [otherwise](http://youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU).

(And if you believe that, I have a slightly used reddit account going cheap.)


Knowledge is power. France is bacon.


As soon as I hit the punchline, I wished for one more panel... "Mr. Web Comic Author, I give you the gift of: mediocre comedy"


Cocaine isn't so bad until you run out of cocaine,  which wouldn't be a problem in your case so just go for it.


Came to post this, way to not disappoint


That's because network data is all zeros and ones. The zeros can make it around the corners because they are round, but the ones tend to get jammed up in the corner.


That's a cheap shot.  Comes off petty and jealous.


But...generic Poptarts are awful...


I'm pretty sure your mum was banned a while ago.


If they didn't want smart-assery, why did they send you for a free-standing ladder?


I am sitting erect waiting for more puns.


**HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY HAS A GIRLFRIEND**


wtf is this shit? god you losers have no life


Let me put it this way. The reason i want to play lee sin mid is so i cant be distracted by snoopehs look.


You italicized 'internet hugs' after hearing someone's child's life was at stake.  Why not articulate how deeply sympathetic and solemn you feel rather than meme reply to a matter of such gravitas?


>and found my mom.

&nbsp;
Wat.
&nbsp;

Edit: My highest rated comment is 80% /u/Pepe_leprawn's comment.


Pause button, Zergs best friend. Spam responsibly, my friend.


GOD DAMN IT YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I HAVE ONE JOB. LET ME DO IT.


That number has no historical backing.


Hopefully the removal won't be too noticeable at first glans.


You can take the vaccine twice and still get measles. What is the point??


I would have complained to the front desk. A lot of gyms take that stuff very seriously and chances are they poke fun at more people than just him.


Wow, thank you! I have now heard the law repeated 101 times today.

Please don't just quote the law but show me how it applies to this case.


It was created to fight off the influence of /r/NewZanada.


Just think, if he spent less time with her, and more time playing starcraft, this might not have happened :)


Way to ruin our fun with your logical and sensible answer.


Just wait until you see her cut off tits.


Two suits per day maybe.

It's after 6 pm, so it's a tux for me. I'm not a farmer.


I'm sorry, what? Fanny packs suffer from Down syndrome? Are you saying those inanimate objects have suffered a genetic mutation that made them slightly different from the rest of us? Poor fanny packs...

EDIT: HA! 31 downvotes...might as well finish what you started guys, 2093 to go!


First time using the internet and can actually fly a BF helicopter? Well now I feel shit at that game.


Struggling to find a reason why anyone gives a flying fuck about his tax returns. Why the fuck are his tax returns a more important issue for you nutjobs to talk about than the terrible economy and jobs market? HOW ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT TAX RETURNS INSTEAD? HOW?


Nope, Irene. She was asian.


hahaha holy shit! that's the dumbest person in this whole thread! why do you not have more upvotes?


I feel like ~~every~~ most guys just stuck out their middle finger, looked at it, and cried a little.


True but the wife's reaction is to saved photos of other women, reddit or not.


Fearful in the short term (2 decades); hopeful after that.  Global reach is expanding.  There is going to be some friction.  With destructive power going up that means people are going to die.  But hopefully, after some time and exposure we all learn to live with each other a bit more.  As long as people keep thinking every meteorite shower is a message from God we are going to have problems.


Oh yeah? Check out how your mod's behave: http://i.imgur.com/Y9HU0.jpg


they're not paying him for the sex, they're paying him to leave.


How was this a bad thing?


Only if you just ate pure concentrated gluten


I'm actually agnostic.


oh man, this reminds of the office episode where they tell the new HR lady that kevin is handicapped. so so funny.


Yes.  Intensive courses are mandatory for children.

On the other hand you're confusing casual observance with 'being taught'


Talk to "the rapist".


no he won't

Edit: wtf down votes I am 95% percent sure I'm speaking the truth


Still a better love story than Twilight.


But he's not really upset about it. If I made a big deal out of it, would that be teaching him that he should be?


"Maybe this one has Advanced Respectfare"


yall love when rappers talk about killing and selling drugs but when its foreal its too much smh


Because he's a politician.


How many times does this cow have to manufacture a controversy before you notice a pattern?


As a hurdler let me tell you- finishing a race looking [like this](http://imgur.com/usPDK) is just not human.


Your a "moran"... it's *moron*.


(insert laugh), you utter bastard.


I don't know what I find most **irritating** - the **spaniel**, the **shaft** or that the **tusk** does not have nearly enough **flames** on it for good **licking**.


For the person wearing it or everyone else in the theater?


The driving rules are to avoid contact with law enforcement


You're presumably British and said "posh" and "wank". Have an upvote.


Well no but there is a single famous and recognizable example that tends to be what people think of in the US if they're familiar with this.

Turn down your smug a bit.


*he rubs the detached eye on your dad*

"I gots my eye on youuuu..."


Not showing everyone you're insecure with yourself > showing everyone you're insecure with yourself


And that kids, is why you always use flared bases.


You sound like an obnoxious nigger loving cis faggot.


I accidentally did this in college back in 1998 when the Winter Olympics were somewhere about 12 hours away. Instead of waking up at 4am to watch the hockey game we would just party all night. Eventually by the second week of Olympics we were pretty much having breakfast at 7:00pm and the we'd start drinking again.... Good times


virginal anger - i call it 'vanger'


"WELL ONE OF US HAS TO CHANGE. "


I'll post it again with the plain one. Or maybe I should make it look like a Hunter


the one and only Blacky_Mcblackerson


I used to talk about Islam not being a religion, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Rosie Huntington-whiteley was waaaayyyy too good looking for that movie. I kinda bought Megan Fox, but Rosie is just so out of place. Every time she appears on screen it's like "How can a person this perfect even exist".

EDIT: Holy shit I didn't realize Jason Statham was banging her....he's got 20 years on her.....what a guy.


>"I don't like these because they are bad, I am going to make your choice for you"

Welcome to obamacare socialism.

Gotta keep down those health care costs somehow!


We instatweetbook now, get with the dank times you Grandpa.


Why grandma.... Why did you have to go!


Let's all have a moment of silence for the tasty burrito's sacrifice.


I am more angry about 20 fucking posts about the same fucking thing ruining this subreddit. This isn't r/circlejerk.


Exactly.  Could not make up a lamer story than the truth.  That's when things really suck.


:( I'm new to reddit bro and I *just* wanted to keep my comment karma positive haha &#3232;\_&#3232;


You made Tom Hanks laugh. Nothing to be embarrassed about.


where did he say they raped her?

Downvoters: He never said they raped her. You've inferred that, probably because the idea of group sex with a 16 year old disgusts you, but it's possible she consented to the train.


This is cute, whens the wedding?


nope, 3 well known hacks are already updated and working. but we lost the function to teleport :(


Who ever thought of turning stagehands into makeshift orphans to clean up the mess without stopping the show is a genius.


Tbh it would be the best place for freedom to find itself, as it's big brother "quarterly income" already pretty much killed everything that used to live there.


Reminds me of a scene from Arrested Development.

Michael: Do you even *want* to be president of the company?

GOB: No, but I'd like to be asked!


The best juice out there? Oh man that's rich. This guy's juice is barely a cut above MBV.


Does your data look like a symmetrical bell? Use the mean.

Does your data look like a fucked up bell leaning to one side or the other? Use the median.


Do you check that the lid is down before you take a shit?


Intercourse ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


why dont you stop sucking the guy´s cock for once you fag


Also preferred: WoW players


ITs a propaganda for Israel they set up the kids and pretty much filmed them being runover. Sick.


when i asked for sons?


Why is this a top comment.  You aren't helping I'm anyway


This shit is linked all over the web.  Probably millions.  Dude will probably get free legal counsel and a new hot, gamer, pilates instructor wife with no gag reflex out of it.


There's an issue when someone feels the need to go out of the way to express themself as not using it.


I thought this one would be good. [I was wrong](http://i.imgur.com/butOHpE.jpg)

It was pretty much like dipping Oreos in milk, minus the part where it has flavor. I'd give it a 5/10, it's just soggy cookies.

Thank you for your suggestion.


Finally a good comment! She put them on her points card like a smart saver lol but she did buy me a fundip and herself a sticky hand. She says she's saving up for the Xbox kinect with kinectimals. I was hoping shed but the neon guitar though


YOU SON OF A BITCH I READ THAT WHOLE THING


Sorry, but aren't you a fucking faggot?


Upvote for ~~it~~ being acute


WeLl IvE GoT 93 KaRmA iN OnE DaY, I'd SaY ReDdIt ApPrEcIAtEs My WoRK


It's probably better that you didn't shit yourself.


because your mum was busy


I'm dropping knowledge bombs all up in this motherfucker.


On 4chan, yes. I openly voiced my discontent for them. Whoops! I was upset they stooped to that level. They were being shitty. Defend 4Chan more, they need it.


Wipe until the clouds turn red.


It only takes about 4 hours week to do all the house work. Why do women always expect to do less actual work and still have their husbands do equal house work that is extremely easy?


This. From the story it really doesn't seem like there was anything super awkward about that meetup. OP just sounds like kind of a dick.


I appreciate your sharing.


Your vagina has an American side and a Canadian side!?


gtfo with that anti semitic crap. i know liberals are bigoted towards jews/israel but this is too much


12 year olds usually aren't


If this is a reference to the beginning of the original Assassin's Creed, then thank you.


It looks like someone stapled an abortion to a dog costume.


Sorry.  She can't come back.  She's busy burning in hell.


> > > >To score a date like that, ~~he his parents he must be REALLY funny wealthy have a really massive dick.~~ *aliens*.


I suppose you're right.  :-D


But when they did barge in, I would maintain eye contact and continue with a stern look on my face.


Looks really cool, but completely useless.


Haha this is so true. That is the EXACT tone that I hear constantly and I cannot stand it when a TV is left on like that. It actually hurts my ears when I hear that.


Do you know what Polygamy is?


Everything with mass-energy can bend spacetime. So you and a black hole have some things in common :)


Yup, Know that. Meaning Health.


I do this too. I used to do it to my mother as well. I have an irrational fear of waking up to a dead person.

EDIT: I do not sleep with my mother. I did not sleep with my mother. Thank you.


I don't really care whether it leads to anything or not, I'm going to express my opinion. That's just how it works, get over it.


I'm 29 years old and feel strangely tempted to try this.


Damn it, man. Not only did I mention those in the image description, but I commented the same thing for people who didn't read the image description. Generally people read the comments before they comment as to make sure what they're about to say hasn't already been said/answered. You should try that.


When someone swings a machete at your girlfriend, they're requesting you kill them in my opinion.


Not really, no. I watched all of his pressers as the Niners coach and something just wasn't there in 2014. He seemed indifferent no matter the outcome, and we all know composure is not one of his signature personality traits.


She hasn't responded yet. OP is surely Delivering...


> Kingdom Hearts

**FUCKING LOL**


I believe the term you are looking for is cheese eating surrender monkey.


I'm sorry, but it shows. You shouldn't be proud of that target. It's not your fault, you're clearly just blazing away. At that range, it's entirely possible to put your shots through one ragged hole. I generally have brand new students making fist-sized patterns inside of 15 minutes. Find an instructor to show you what you need to know. Otherwise you're just turning money into noise.


Oh I understand, I keep removing them from my mouth.


Wow, 8-10 maths sounds like a lot of maths for an 8-10 grade **Math** class.

Seriously.  Maths?  You Brits sound unedumacated when you say shit like that.


YOU DRIVE A TRAIN? OH SWEET JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!


Or they'll just call you a pussy and laugh...


As a veteran I have nightmares from time to time and without fail my german Shepard will jump up into bed with me when I snap awake. This dog only gets into my bed in the morning when she wants to go out, but when I have a nightmare, no matter the time of night, she is there for me. I trust think they can just tell.


rawrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!


>Fake tits

If I can touch em, they are real to me.


Hey reddit, check out this guy, he knows a girl!


> Redditor for 1 minute

I wanted to believe, man. Here, upvote for your efforts.


No one on OKcupid needs to breed.


┬──────┬

ノ( º _ ºノ)

not a very good hiding spot


Did you create a throwaway just for this sub? Doesn't that kinda defeat the whole idea?


BRRRRRR! BRMMMMM!

"And this is our data-entry department"

BRRRRRRRRRRR!


People actually use those? Wow.


Agreed. I don't know why windows update doesn't recognize when you're in a full screen game so it can meow meow meow meow meow meow


After that he dumped her to pursue homosexuality.

EDIT: apparently my joke involving a different interpretation of result was was truly an insult to humanity.


The wife WILL be told and this will never be forgotten. I guess I don't understand the urge to whip my dick out in another person's house and jack off in the middle of the day. Maybe RIGHT at the beginning of puberty... Maybe it's just me?


Hahahahahahahahahahaha. You sure you're not an MRA?


Then we're taking a trip to the ketchup caverns


please, learn to punctuate and spell.


Because if you let women drink for free you attract men which means business, if you let men drink for free you just end up with bar full of drunk, lonely men. Or alternatively you bar gets trashed by drunk fighty douchbags.


I would have preferably chosen Suarez to get a broken bone

And not in his foot


Are you ever tempted to rename it the Jerry & Ben's foundation?


Omg what did I just click on! Methinks that's enough reddit for one day...


I'll have coffee with you! And I'm not even a prostitute!!!


The key chains didn't do it for me. Please send some pics of yourself. Please tuck your penis behind your thighs. I trust that your gynecomastia is severe enough that the top half also aids the pretending.


Oh fuck that's a good one.


AHAHAHAHAHA

OH NO THE INTERNET POLICE


Yeah nigga then by d time you get thru security you'll be walking funny for a week.


But his voice isn't even that great! Get me Liev Schreiber and then we can talk.


You just Dwighted a Dwight quote. I'm impressed.


Even if it's true, it's still not interesting enough for anybody to care.


You just made me really sad that I don't have friends like that...


Fuck you play TF2  wellll i will not down vote you this time


It was a self-fulfilling barfecy!

It's ok I CAN SEE THE DOOR FROM HERE STOP SHOVING ME


What are going to tell the women's shelter? He won't do my dishes?!?! The diapers don't get changed as much as they're needed?!?!?Way to make it a joke for the women and children who are actually being beaten and abused.


That sounds like an awesome little kid.


all them trump subs downvoting you is sad


The main "hole" goes down about 35 feet. Easily can free dive that. After that it goes mostly horizontal through some cave networks - the scuba diver there that day on official business said he traveled about 5,000 ft, and was underwater for about two hours.


I for one think they are sort off annoying, real attention whores at times.


This is how you make dumb sentences sound smart.


Apple fag says: those bastards! [rabble rabble i know linux but really don't rabble rabble].


What you did is the most clever thing I have witnessed on this subreddit.


Those video ones were put together by the admins, who would go to wherever the celebrity was and tape it for them. The admins seem to have stopped doing that and just refer them to /r/IAmA now. We still get video IAmAs now and again, but it takes a lot longer to make a video of you answering a question than to just type it out, so they're not the most popular format.


If I downvote enough do I get my own slave?


I don't mean *me*, you moron.  I mean all the mouth breathing cretins who have immigrated from digg and facebook.


That's how bell curves work.


Minor consumption makes it sound like you ate a baby.


*My father wasn't wearing underwear, Rolling around on the floor,speaking in tongues, like in the excorsist, small girls laughed at him*

FTFY?


The kid knows OP is not dead, he stopped going because he realizes OP doesn't want to be friends anymore.

OP is the retard for thinking the kid believed what he said.


Deberíamos tener una Towl entonces.


> I'm no expert

Thanks, I almost read what you were about to say.


He must have left the sweet shoes at home.


YOU HAVE GREAT PARENTS.


I know, [don't you hate that!](https://themeatlockersports.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/clay-matthews.jpg)


Wow, what was it meant to be? Because it's 100% a buttplug.


He'd get the Libtard vote for sure.


why the fuck would you make your throwaway url so awesome. I want it. And it will never be used again.


Another annoyance of Reddit is how easily flame wars break out. The normal mode of discussion on Reddit is flaming.


Perhaps another seriously disturbed man, hanging off a rope on the OTHER side of the bridge?


The ones we can see.


I don't understand why Robot Wars or some rip-off version isn't on the air. There's so much potential, from a catch all open to all class to a restricted class, where you are limited to a specific list of approved materials..


god you pats fans are fucking unbearable


I don't do it for fashion. I show up late because I don't want to awkwardly talk to you for 45 minutes in your kitchen while we wait for everyone else to show up to the party.


Yes. Stop putting words in children's mouths. Put them on children's signs.

And to paraphrase you:

Duh... Dabba yabba diddly foo!


I can't even figure out how I would wipe front to back.  I tried it, doesn't work.

maybe its because I wipe between my legs, I lack the flexibility to get any good traction going any other way.


And here we go again with the pedo apology. Tell me Addyct, where is the line for you? 5 years old? Them sexy flat chested ladies get you going?


I don't want to brag, but I'm wearing a leather jacket right the fuck now.


why? are you really that desperate?


I'm usually not buying corporate arguments that easily, but Microsoft's reasoning, that they want to purge dated Windows versions to save money on support, makes a lot of sense.


It wasn't Warcraft 3, it was just the third expansion. It's still just world of warcraft.</idiot who doesn't understand the warcraft games>


No time for a girlfriend now - *Time to GAME!*


I'd like to respectfully ask your opinion on when parenting becomes child worship. For example, if you take the time to create a slide show of the child's "quotes", are you parenting or mentally masturbating?


No you all got it wrong. They love money


So that fag started all this rpg bullshit? rpgs are for fags.


What kind of people are cool with knowing someone is masturbating to them!?

Edit: and where can I meet them!?


Cooking instructions that are true. Lol


I was wondering where she hide's it all.


I actually just started cracking up so hard, have an upvote.  Also, is that username a rowing reference?


It was near death. Clearly your brain found the answer to survival.


Or, more likely, this never actually happened. Managed to "catch" me? lolwut? I don't run away.


To be fair, kids nowadays miss that anticipation of checking out your vacation pictures the week after you get back, that used to be one of my favourite things about traveling! We would also each only get 2-3 rolls of film (so 48-72 pics) for a whole week, so pictures were taken more carefully, not documenting every single moment of every trip


telling me you loled makes me dvote you.

edit: holy shit I just set my own personal reddit record, most downvotes ever and most upvotes ever in the same post!!!!!!!! Sweet!


congrats you dodged a crazy


on what ground? It's 6 or 7 years old, twice the age of the iPad.


After all, OP always delivers


They were being sarcastic.


If the other guy falls through for some reason, I have one too with a tag.  My parents gave it to me as a gag gift and has been sitting in my closet. Feel free to message me.

http://i.imgur.com/4eNDW.jpg

edit: sent Paddlesons a message directly per commentors' suggestions. thanks!


its kinda shady hes not doing it for the whole game


Well...that's genuinely disappointing.


Except ones that actually really do look great.


I'd have given her an IPad...right across the eyes.


Anyone male between the ages of 14-65


Bingo. Hate to be callous, but this guy gets it. Grow a pair, OP.

Edit: Obligatory "OMG GOLD, TY!"

I'd like to thank my Father for raising me to not be a doormat.


Yeah, people disliking pedophiles are rude people!


Yeap. Definitely blind.


Of course, he was a whiny little bitch. Never stopped complaining like some cheap second rate Jerry Seinfeld.


The Prestige would probably eat away at him for two years.


Its shit like this that makes people still think to this day that only "colored folk" get into trouble with police. Being white is not a fucking free pass.


Kind of Douchebagish to challenge him in the first place.


Well NYC doesn't have many public toilets. They should be allowed to shit all over the place until there is some system. Many local businesses don't have toilets or they're 'broken'.


Seent it. Upboated it. Promised myself I'd do the same if I got her. I got her. Here I am. We weren't driving btw and she has her seat belt on only because she wanted to try to do it herself.


jajaja so true, maybe he doesnt know a sh%$ about weapon calibration jejejej


false. george washington never lied on the internet.


No. Being a moderator means respecting and protecting your community. Your actions are for the COMMUNITY'S benefit at all times. Gawker has NO influence on our community, so our moderators should have NO concern whatsoever with them. Even then, enacting a ban across the board is something that needs approval from the community as a whole, not movement by mods without community input.


Fuck you, don't tell me what I can't do.


Oh, the irony.   Wait till you heehaws figure out that Jon "Stewart" Leibowicz is fronting for a cartel that murdered forty million people...   and that "Stewart's" and Beck's and Maddow's and Hannity's and O'Reilly's paychecks are signed by the same people.

Just so much Yiddish theater.


There are 16 reasons you should not be crying and only 3 that you should! Wait! Why are you running away! FRIENDZONED AGAIN.


Yes, the reason in that case is an irrational preference to tradition based on obscure reasons that nobody really knows yet feels strongly about. The suit doesn't look weird to me, but that is because I don't wear suits and haven't been indoctrinated and bullied into conforming to a standard that everyone holds for no good reason.


You mean like FileSonic, DepositFiles, FileServe, TurboBit, ExtaBit, FilePost, BitShare, Ziddu, UploadStation, FileJungle, MediaFire, PutLocker, FileFactory, RapidShare, FreakShare, ZShare, HotFile, Crocko, Wupload, Uploading, MegaShare, Badongo, iFileIt, EnterUpload, GameFront, UploadedTo, FileApe, Loadto, TwoShared, FileKeen, and JumboFiles?


so you are using reddit like a bitch


"Intern" is the best euphemism for "fuck buddy" I've seen in a long time.


New people don't get houses, they are only babies.


> Now go offend more idiots with rape jokes.

Are you seriously implying that if you are offended by a rape joke, then you are an idiot?

edit: I'd just like to point out that Tosh actually apologised for making that joke about the woman being raped.

https://twitter.com/danieltosh/status/222796532653629441

So you guys are defending him, even though he admitted that he was wrong. Ok.


I was coming here to suggest that exact that same amount.  Kudos to your ex for returning it, by the way.


If your so smart whats the capital of alaska


There is no 'censoring campaign' to stop.


Shouldn't you always be real careful that your co-sexer(s) are in favor?


Lol "energy to digest it".

Like 0.01 Calories..

I assume you're fat?


Absolutely! Very happily so.


a surprisingly high number of woman are male?


Sexually active band geeks


Foreign as in occupying army made up of soldiers who couldn't get a proper job nor a degree.

EDIT: Why the downvotes?  Is it not true that most US, UK and other Allies soldiers join because they can't get a degree or a job elsewhere?  Basically too incompetent for anything else?  Or does the truth hurt too much?


This is perfectly rational.


upvotes love? suck on a cannon you idiot, he got his bike back


It's just not normal to go in front of people and accept an award.  What is that??? how does a human do that?  It's weird.  so the repetition got strange for me.  I am very appreciative though  It was just the moments themselves that built to be surreal.


shut the fuck up you fag


Five years. Congratulations!


Also: [This](/r/GunsAreCool/) is his sub.


Bits of the earth look like it! Apparently it was filmed here.


And that proves you are an immature kid that knows nothing about weight struggles. Perhaps this bitch deserved being fat because she was stealing enormous amounts of icecream, or you exaggerate the size of her "bucket" and it just happened to run out but you decided to make it a "fat" thing.


So, Canadian Civil War?


EVERYONE DOWNVOTE ME!


I read 44% of an adult book last year.


That had nothing to do with what happened in the video.


My ex-gf would call it "breakfast in bed."


It's all good. This messenger has Arcane Spirit equipped.

We're playing a shooter here, after all. Fire away.


MY DAD'S NOT A PHONE!


Hahahauaha men's right. Reddit is so fucking stupid. You are all so pathetically predictable in your lack of critical thinking.


The bullets name was persecution


***UPVOTE ME GUYS FOR EVERYONE UPVOTE I GET I WILL DONATE $.50 TO AFRICA AND CANCER***


And sometimes explode.


Would *have* been. Would *of* doesn't mean anything.

Why do so many people try to use words without knowing what they mean?

How much money do you *of* in your pocket right now? If you spend ten dollars, how much would you *of* left? Enough to buy a pack *have* smokes?

Seriously reddit, you look so dumb when you do this...


Plot twist: Thomas is lowcostholidays.


we need to give this redditor the upboats he deserves!


I've been sitting here for months waiting for the perfect opportunity. I like the way this kid thinks!


It's kind of an easy joke to make... I said it on my couch after it happened as well.

Edit: zzz bring on the downvotes, but it really is an easy joke.


Surprisingly logical...


HIGH FIVE!

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, fuck you, I'm out.


I worked in a burn unit. You'd be surprised how many patients are meth cooks. The last one told me he blew up from his "homemade fireworks factory in his garage". Sigh. You guys kill me.


(For us English aristocrats, I leave you this 13 miles -> 104.0 Furlongs, 12 miles -> 96.0 Furlongs) - Pip pip cheerio chaps!


Better known as poomerangs.


I don't feel sorry for the people who don't know how to swim and go in the ocean anyway.

A bit extreme, as there are many responsible women that still end up pregnant. Perhaps I'm focusing too much on the others. Of all the information on abortion that I've ever seen, they've mostly been done as a quick-fix solution.


Sounds like small government to me!


Time for some grieving.


This is a guaranteed method to get some pussy.


Someone's a Salty Sally.

Can you say please?


Was expecting cutting through the ice and a little disappointed that wasn't it.


Yes that's me to a tee. I like baboons.

Edit: I like Baboons because by and large they are vastly more intelligent than the average reddit monkey.


That kid now frequents /r/atheism.


Can't you read? He owes $50.000 in child support.

Shoulda added the /s


You should leave your diabetes at home next time you travel.


It's called "humor". Everybody knows that women play games. But, many people find it funny.

And only morons find it disrespectful. "Mooooooom, some random guy on the internet said that he can't game anymore if he marries a woman! Can we sue him?"


That's exactly how I ended up with kids too.


*Faggot Paddle

The word faggot is not acceptable on reddit


Academic dishonesty makes it sound like he collaborated on a homework with someone. He had a girl take his Spanish final for him


itotallygothisshittyjoke.exe


Has got to be when we found some guy in an apartment building... the call came over as a trespass.

When we got up to the 3rd flood he was on the stairs with some kind of portable VHS/DVD player watching tranny porn and jerking off. Weirder still, he had a silver dildo in is mouth.


Nope. I dont have a problem with it...call me watever u want. It was worth the thank you gift.


This, and THANKS for the update ! I had told your story to many friends as it was a very interesting situation to discuss. I'm glad I'll be able to come up to them with a sequel.


MY MOMMYY SAYD DAT MY BRODER DYED CAWSE HE ATE HIS POO POO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DA LAST TING HE SAYD WAS "POO POO"!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO HI WEDDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Movies would have you believe SCHWING is the sound that steel makes on leather.


Boy is he in for a rough time the next time he flies.


Are you sure that's the only thing that's offensive, "cancernigger"?


I'm comfortable enough in my own skin to know that I don't want to see or smell a naked man. And I could give to shits about political correctness.


Vanillas. Reese's Pieces.


THEN IT MUST BE HIM DOING IT!


Just like that third bucket of Rocky Road.


scrallaboosh, scrallaboosh

also FTFY


And bitches named Daisy


What you did there. Most people didn't see it. But I did.


Just at take-off and landing. Relax, it's no biggie


How did you lose him? That knot looks pretty strong.


I don't see any grass.


A heart attach? Oh no what a horrible way for your sister to die lolololol. Heart attack retard.


That wasn't a girl, dude...


The last time you beat us in a match was over a year ago so why exactly should I be salty?


He's talking about weiners


what the fuck, this shit belongs in [/r/mfacirclejerk](/r/mfacirclejerk).


Holy shit, reading that made me cringe so hard.


You're bullies (did you really say "assholish?"). That's why you were banned. This is a no-tolerance zone. Bullies simply will not be allowed.


A responsible parents also knows that fries, soda, and a toy are all fine in moderation. When I was a kid going to McDonalds was a treat.


Babies aren't politics. That's EXACTLY what I'm telling you. If you found a serial killer, and you had the ability to kill him, because you knew he'd get off on a technicality, are you telling me you wouldn't?

Roeder is a hero. A WORLD hero.


I would've also accepted IKnittedYouAScarfe.

>Scarfe

This is what happens when you don't wear scarves and shop at Harris Scarfe.


Considering the effort it takes to be offended over a joke this mild, I'd say the same to you.


Isn't it creepy to think of a civil servant ploughing through porn to decide what's acceptable? Urrrr!


Do you think IdrA has a small penis and that is why he strives to prove himself in other venues? Do you think Naniwa actually has acute aspergers? Did you hear that HuK had sex with KelleyMilkies the day she broke up with MoonGlade?


and I say so what? I mean it's $14 to cross an ocean.

With this rate you can just go "hey...feel like going to Europe for the weekend?"

Air Travel should be like bus travel. You don't need a crappy meal and movies for a $300 premium. Or at least make it an option, First Class, Coach, Bums.


I used to hold up the ceiling with magical powers, but then I took an arrow 2 the knee!

**EDit** Guys stop downvotin me its a joke from skyrim its really funny if you dont get it search it on the web you will laff. Dont downvote me guys, upvote me for givin u insite! :-)


>Print spreadsheet, receive lesbo porn

Microsoft XXXel


Have you not read my full and detailed reply, Oh wait the mods wont allow me to speak up for myself and answer your question

http://www.reddit.com/r/europe/comments/2w0oac/i_guess_this_issue_required_some_clarification_re/


It was a tossup between that and the fact I actually killed her husband and am wearing his skin.


Despite being called an "SRS troll", I do very very little trolling.


Every post not in circlejerk is a misplaced circlejerk post.


r/shitreddit says here.  Voting you down anyway.  Just because.


Well Ok then. Carry on.


Please tell how you support SOPA and censorship...


You do great disservice to your cause by minimizing the value of human life as mere clumps of cells. It sends the signal that you're inhuman.


The principle may be awesome, but that principal is way more awesome.


Well technically, he's right. If someone is forced to give you something, then they aren't helping you. This is why we don't say that a rape victim is "helping" her rapist get laid.


I'm not sure but I think there's pubic hair in his urethra? It doesn't look like his whiskers anyways.

Ugh this sentence...


There's this spectacular new website that allows you to input search queries, and gives you a string of results with embedded links. You should check it out, I believe the name is "google.com".


I love Bob Loblaw's Law Blog.


This is NOT a mind reading issue! C'mon, she's made it REALLY clear what she wants.

Sure, if she'd been all quiet, and he'd been all, "What's wrong?", and then she's all "Nothin'." You can put that down as a mind reading problem, but DAMN! She was clear.


I think the word you were looking for is "Douche" :)


No they wouldn't. Xavi might be nonsensical but he is a prolific winner whilst Wenger is the exact opposite.
edit: Loving the saltiness. 9 trophy-less speak for themselves people.


It's one thing I always loved about my Golden. She was fucking awesome. They can seem to be the smartest damn dogs in the world and then they'll fucking forget what their tail is or some other dumb shit. It's hilarious.


I've noticed the majority of pathetic, ridiculous, and disgusting stuff I've seen on this sub is done by boys.

I try to stay away from "that shit".


8 inches floppy? That's pretty impressive.


Get it yourself.

EDIT: Askreddit is not your personal army. I don't understand, but I won't whine.

EDIT 2: Ok. http://www.imgur.com/VwyoY.gif


So I guess I should put away my Jump To Conclusions mat?


The submission seems to be going well though.  There is still life to beat from the horse.


i keep trying to read this... they look like words, they even sound like words but still i cant decipher the meaning


So I can never be downvoted, ever?

With this minutes old account I will rule reddit.


There's times I'll go a week without crapping.


You're not that dude who got his alt booted off here for trying to shame that healthy woman, are you?

[](http://OppressiveShitlord69/)


You just dont imagine cowboys in IT


It's the simplicity of their joy that makes this a good story


Why is every one n this subbreddit defending the use of pot. I  member wen dis subbreddit was bout da environment and trees and dat crap instead of smokin pot. Y'all need tmquit smokin ya hear
  #YOLO


My work here is done.... :)


Burn the Jews? Upvotes galore!


Only if it can support your weight.


Man got owned.  so many red flags are tripping in my mind about this.


I floss, throw the floss in the toilet and then pee on the floss.


It's funny because you could play all of them on PC. With better visuals and performance no doubt.


What sort of evil school did you go to


Then call it "blushing pink". Was that so hard?


So basically he gets two new rides ...


Not sure if trolling lol


That's me for everyone, even my best friends. Unless they were actively contacting other people, you can't read much into it. Some people just suck at initiating.


It's only racist if you think it is. Can't we just laugh?


- Wait till desktop is full of icons
- "New Folder"
- Put icons in folder
- Organised

This PSA brought to you by my wife...


You wish.  My pregnancies and babies were textbook perfect.

I'm likely healthier than you are.


Whoever you are,this comment is lovely. You reached out...and you touched my heart.


Yeah, definitely. They nearly stole her from her home country, shackled her in chains while feeding her feces, and then enslaved her while forcing inescapable poverty on her free descendants for hundreds of years to come.

Serious shit.


Then claim his ID wasn't proof enough and demand his long form ID.


It's nice, but so boring. It's like living in a cookie cutter.


It frightens me more that she was stupid enough to walk into a cell phone store and instead of saying "I lost my charger for [phone model]," she said "I took this phone off of a student of mine and I want to see what he was trying to hide, but the battery is dead. Cool? Cool."


YER , DEY CRERTERD HERLFLERF: ERPERSIN FERC WHERCH WERS A NERC GERM.


I really don't want to ask anything, I would just like to thank you for being a teacher.


>Redditor for 1 day

&#3232;\_&#3232;


This is the best answer in this thread so far.


Hockey is a dangerous sport. Anybody can hurt anybody.


There's fruit on it for fucks sake


http://i.imgur.com/0T86g.png

Get it guys? Because Pacebos are used in place of actual drugs during tests to provide a control!

Edit2: Okay... this ship is sinking fast. Women and men dressed as children first, please.

Edit3: This is my most downvoted post of all time. I'm kind of proud now...


better yet, invite them over too use your sauna and tell them in there......


Everything about zero is obnoxious.


wait.....why.....what?!


lol

I think the "obsession" is entirely on the other side. Just look at [/r/politics](/r/politics) [/r/atheism](/r/atheism) etc...

Completely obsessed with getting perverts "married" and getting children into their hands.


Right next to the Noble Gasses in the periodic table.


Atheists upvoting the real life down voting of God, surprise surprise. When you get sick and you needs God's help, don't ask for it, because he isn't going to be there to help.


Get to the top, where you belong, you sonuvabitch.


Then get a better job or don't start a family on minimum wage. It's called being responsible.


"her penetrator" is the creepiest thing anyone has written on reddit
edit: yeah some things are intentionally creepier, i get that but this is just so casual it made me feel weird


I disagree. Stupid parents breed stupid children.


What shape does Yoda hate most?


We used to, but we get a lot of people who come in and just spew racist or homophobic language and try to trigger members.

I'd say that's what comprises the majority of the banning I do.

(Also, I am a fan of subreddit drama, popcorn for all)


Further adding to the meaninglessness, he's talking about the State of the Union.  It's a rah rah speech, we did this, we did that, we're going to do the other thing.  Go USA.  It's like getting upset about a pep rally.  'Hey, they said that their team is number one, and they're gonna kick our ass in the homecoming game, the jerks.'


To be fair, no one really likes watching other people drive cars. They just go to see the crashes.


> Not finishing my education yet

FTFY


Seriously, lighten up.


You've made a fool of yourself in front of T-Bone.


I just watched that episode on netflix this morning, *someone* (stiggy) is hivemind.

Edit: He actually used multiple alt accounts to downvote me haha oh wow.


It is.  Fortunately, you get to mostly self filter.  In real life your only recourse is to basically raise your arms in the air and yell, "I need an adult!"


Oh hotshot you are a fail junglar


For the evening meal, prepare bbq ribs and chicken legs, and anything else finger food.  Never take off your white gloves.


Get counseling.  Masochism is not healthy nor is it an attribute of a healthy mind.


Or hit the gym, lose weight, groom yourself and become attractive (or as attractive as you can be).


I needs ta check inside ya assho, sir.


Why should she be furious? That really seems like overreacting and closing him off from exploring this if it is a fetish. Most people with strange fetishes feel ashamed about them, and it seems like she completely unwilling to even accept it. Seems like a bitch to me.


>about 98-98% of the time

So you're saying roughly 98% ?


Follow-up question

Was he big?

EDIT: I apoligize,  Were **they** big?


As a Canadian citizen, I have never had any trouble from US border agents leaving my country, but my own border agents treat me like a criminal until proven innocent every.goddamn.time.


Huh? I text while I'm driving all the time. It's never been a problem; if anything I think it helps me pay more attention to driving since it can break up the monotony.

Edit: Downvotes? Really? I'm seriously an expert driver; my only mishap was hitting someone's dog once, but it's not like it was a person or anything.


Dieting doesn't work. Changing your diet does.


"Its hard out there for a PIMP" - D-Lift-Izzle 2012


The bus would blow up.


You're absolutely right! Except for global warming, when life begins, the possibility of a god in a scientific universe, etc. Challenge those, and it's not science, it's bigotry. At least according to our President and his minions.


Cech penalty save in extra time vs Bayern.


I payed 40$... Fuck yoy


I'm with you there. On the bright side, we can buy all the Zoos we want to house our Zebras.


And you're a fucking retard.


Except every chamber is full of lose.


i WouLd bE suRE if ElDeR ScrollS: oBlIvION Or fiFa, BuT I TOOk an ArRoW tO LE kNee!!!!!!!


Damn, I have read this 19 years too late!


dae bruins fans on /r/hockey literally suffer worse than the slaves did


Pick up a pamphlet while you are there though.


> I'll do you all a favor and unsubscribe from all lgbtq subs

And there you have it; you were never an ally to begin with.

Anyone who threatens to revoke ally status never was an ally in the first place.


Sears is fucking creepy; it's like you step into a pocket dimension from the 90s, but nobody else is there...the lighting sucks, too, so it adds to the feel.


Better than Messi though? Never.


Nah, just use Ctrl+Shift+Z


WTF does being black have to do with it?

Nevermind, just another shining example of racism on Reddit.

Edit: I'm imagining all these downvoters thinking "well yeah, of course black people know how to uppercut."


I read that last sentence in Morgan Freeman's narrator voice.


I LIEK CHOCOLATE MILK


Well, no we started meeting up at her place after work every now and again to fuck around, but the question was what's the worst thing I've done at work.  Going knuckle-deep in a girl's asshole while on the clock certainly applies.


Nah, I don't particularly mind. It gets me a net negative in karma usually. I do it because the mods didn't know how to program one


Right in the failed marriage.


fatty should had gone to farm aid instead of insanity rally.


http://imgur.com/f6Lt9

My court ID


There are now map hacking allegations against him O_o

EDIT: Since apparently this is a bug, please downvote this so Lucifron's win doesnt get discredited, I don't want to delete it just because there are so many replies that wouldn't make sense.


You say that now, but sooner or later George Clooney is gonna release a cologne named "My Balls." Next thing you know your girlfriend is buying it on sale at Walmart in a bodywash cologne combo gift pack as a stocking stuffer and offering to blow you if you wear it out to the keg.


> Your wife didn't cheat because you are inadequate, she cheated because she is a shitty person

This is bullshit.

There is no such thing as a shitty person, and it's certainly not defined by someone cheating.


If I see someone like that I always ask "How's the baby?" It stops me from looking awkward if she has already had the baby


The bus is already going above 50, as is stated. So you are wrong, and win NOTHING.


I would fly into a blind violent rage if I ever saw anyone do that around me.


>Don't associate her with [radical group]. She's just a [person with radical views directly associated with said group].


Work on it.  Talk about it.  Read about it.  Lovemaking can be learned with love, compassion and effort.


Is it any of your fucking business?  Feel the need to save the world much?


Alternatively you could point at her blouse and say "What's that"?  When she looks down you give her the finger-in-the-face treatment.

Same thing, doesn't hurt as much.


As likely to revolutionize space travel as these metal spheres are to revolutionize time travel.

This isn't science, this is a child's pontification.


For all I know my wife could *be* Gary Oldman.  That motherfucker is a chameleon.


You are a valueless contributor to this community.


That's one hell of a magnet! The ones I get always just slide off shittily to the ground.


If they want respect, they should perhaps stop supporting organizations that are against the civil rights of millions of human beings.


Candiss dick fit in yo mouth.

Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger!


but... but... She wasn't a light-bulb... but... but... i am confus.


Nah man, that's not how Reddit works. See, you're supposed to take sides on this because apparently it's a really important issue around here. Same with phone OS's of course.


How does this honor someone who was killed by a mentally ill person that was repeatedly ignored by our legal and medical system?


Sick mah pixie dick yah chubby coon


typical, irrational and emotional woman


This is a good point and should be posted to r/goodpoints


What a terrible card - look at that shitty craftsmanship and handwriting, looks like a second grader made it. No effort put into it at all, it doesn't even rhyme. I call fake, the ending is way too crass to be made by a real girl - no guy would want such a vulgar and lazy girlfriend for long.


If you read his book 'the audacity of hope,' it really does leave you feeling that he is at the least an agnostic guy. I feel like Obama knows that won't cut it in today's world, but you can tell he thinks beyond the basic teachings of religion, and it all probably stemmed from his various encounters with different religions growing up.


Too soon dude... Too fucking soon


"This Man Had 50 Reasons to Spy on His Wife's Facebook Messages. Now He Wishes He Didn't Find Out About Big Brother."  --Buzzfeed

Edit: "1200 Strangers Chuckled But Only 1 Gilded This Redditor!" Thank you for my first gold.


You are the scum of the earth you scum faggot cock muncher.


You're not supposed to use fruit knives to cut meat.


Having it removed prevents disease and promotes cleanliness, actually.


Unfortunately the people who shouldn't be parents aren't smart enough to prevent themselves becoming parents.


Agreed.  Now if it was a 2014+ STi....

**Edit:**  LMAO, -57.  Thanks guys!  Love you to!


If ever there were a time to accentuate the first half of his name, it is now.


> abudantly clear that depression is a disease

Do you have a link to any scientific papers that classify depression as a disease and not as a mental disorder?

EDIT:  60+ downvotes and not one link to say that depression is a disease.  I think that says it all.


In my experience that person will claim they do not use your supplies and will defend their lie.


I'm saying its entirely possible that going to jail saved his life. Depending on how much you value the sanctity of life, and since this guy didn't kill himself, I think he's happy to be alive.


Yeah, that's my same friend that posted last year, but I got mad that he was trying to get the karma again and said I'd out-do him. How'd I do?


The NFC West would beg to differ.


My advice would be to get the best education you can and follow your dreams.


I would be very interested in seeing those pictures.


I have the weirdest toner right now.


Being called a dickhead over team chat and being harassed on twitter, at home, personal e-mail, doxxing, hacking and generally hounded day after day by vicious trolls are a bit different.


He should teach her a lesson about not teaching lessons. I know a one-armed guy who could help.


I'm going to go out on a limb and say you don't know anything about women.


AND YOU AS WELL, MY CRUNCHY-CHEESY-BEEFY FRIEND!


But public institutions can teach that religion is wrong?


I need your boots, your clothes and series 1 to 7 of Star Trek: Voyager.


Test post please ignore.


Of course it was free of charge. They only had to walk next door with it.


I am 26, I was in the military. Lts and NCOs are very different from eachother, you must not know many people in the military.


Ah yes, the ole Suessicide note.


What about hollywood or cnn? they usually make a lot of anti-China movies and news, will that make a difference? power of the media is still important.


then it's not the 7 guys OP needs to worry about, it's the director


downvoted anyways YOLO


That is so unbelievably sad.


You should see how much Obama's socialist policies accelerate the heat death of the universe.


closely related: masturbate before you make any serious decisions


Just like GOD AMIRIGHT?! UNICORNS AND BUTT-ER-FLIES.


To eat the pizza was his test, to digest it was his cause.


You would report it, And i would reupload it, Maybe going onto other video sites. You can't win


That looks more like sponge cake that's baked to look like bread.  That's really cute though!


LmAo YoU PoKeMoN NeRdS MaKe NoOO0oo FuCkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiNg SeNsE !!! YoU NeEeeEd ToOoO0oo GeT LaiiiiiiiiiiiD !!!

**HahAHhahahHAHha LmFa000oOoO RiiiiiiiiiiiGhT iiiiiiiiiiiiN YoUr *SoRe SmElLY* NuTS !!!**


Your father was right; you simply HAVE TO have matching accessories.


i hope you're *geared* up for it