I remember when I was like 12, I twisted a testicle. Was sitting in math class, when all of a sudden I get this horrible fucking pain in my left nut.

So I say I'm sick, and they call my mom. Mom comes, asks whats wrong...
"My....Ermm.....*looks down* ..hurts"

"Did you sit on it?"

"What?! ..?"

Anyways, she takes me to the hospital, and thats the story how I got my left nut removed.


Whale, I must admit she was joking. But she shore seemed serious


you don't have to keep lying, he's probably not in the room


> Don't fuck with me.

you pretty much did the equivalent of "i'm telling on you".

call me old skool but "don't fuck with me" implies you'll get your revenge by fucking me up mentally/emotionally/physically not "i'll call the police on a criminal".


>This is followed by lifting them up by one foot and asking people 'They go this way up, right?'

Oh god. That's *adorable*.


I never said anything about it, it's not my business.  But it doesn't stop me from talking about it with my wife, and we've both agreed that while we love the guy to death, he's a dumbass with his money.


Ronda would crush them. She is all finesse, not strength!


No, it's not. I've seen guys way uglier and fatter with girls much prettier. He is clean looking and not to over weight. If he has good character then he shouldn't have any problems. Also, that may just be his sister.... Or mom....


Aww, I wish me and my girlfriend had fun and threw pillOH  MY GOD SHE'S SHITTING SHE'S SHITTING EVERYWHERE IT'S ALL THE TIME FUUUUCK!


> This is a big kick in the face for the dedicated players that went through the horrendous torture of LFR MC

Yep. Getting it first run was such a pain in the arse. ;)


This moves out of the realm of "dick move" and into child abuse.


This is a dumb r/nba jerk. Outside of a couple times where he made a fool out of himself he's a good ref.


I like my women how I like my stool: loose, chunky and black.


by that logic, a polar bear is the same as a grizzly bear.


I volunteer my house for the venue.


I used to piss on your mom, but then I took and arrow to the knee haha xD

**EDIT : DOWNVOTERS; WHY U DOWNVOTE ME U ALL CUNTS ?!?!??**


Congrats. You're smarter than an otter.


What is that saying? Ignorance of the Law is not an excuse? lol


I dunno... he just kinda showed up one day.


What is wrong with you? Why ask such an insensitive question?

Edit 1: How the hell does this get -63?

He wasn't sleeping outside under a tarp. That was my point.


Did you check the sidewalk for a trail the next day?


yes. you forgot to take water. to the nether. btw, most efficient eye of ender farming involves flooding the end except for a small portion that you may or may not fill with iron golems.


Looks like you kept them open a little too much.


>AML

I think you mean "FML". ;-)

EDIT: What the hell, people? If *I* had leukemia, I'd be saying "Fuck my life". It was a joke - a *sympathetic* joke. Yeesh.


Seems to be working out well for them!


Wow you're retarded. Cold turkey means you quit without anything else, if you were using a medicine approved for smoking cessation, you didn't quit cold turkey. Fucking idiot..


Ollie 540 is probably my favorite, because I really didn't think it was possible when I first started trying it.

my favorite flatground trick is varial heelflip because I can catch it the highest in my limited flatground repertoire.


>The burden of proof is on you

Nope!  Welcome to the Internet.  Feel free to google it yourself, sperger.


Once the blade is completely gone, does that mean the knife is all the way sharp?


Why are you misgendering her?

You're sick for wishing she would kill herself.


In the same vein, you only need a pea sized amount of tooth paste. Adverts show them using way more than you need.


Why'd you root for loser teams in the first place? I don't understand the concept.


Who needs charm, I'll have a million dollars.


Why, you're not an asshole at all!


I smell a Pawn Stars spin-off...

"I'm not sure if this is an original or a replica... tell you what, I have a friend who's an expert in fuzzy troll pencil toppers. Do you mind if I bring him over here and have him take a look at it?"


While I am pro-choice, there is no such thing as "free healthcare."

As soon as you make it "free," you're forcing taxpayers to pay for someone else's healthcare.  You're forcing healthcare workers to work for less.  So no, while I am for abortion rights, nothing should be "free."


But in all honesty, Churchill was never sober.


And it was at this moment, Mark realized his brother meant Uhaul


This was one of the saddest, yet most heartfelt stories I've read in a while. Boxer sounds like a nice guy and your friend's fellow employees do too :)


Women aren't known for their appreciation of humour.


I measure my dong with the penises of lesser men.


lmao! that is really good. i'm gonna love trolling this reddit laughing at everything people are saying. XD sadly, i can't share the inside stuff since i'm still with oblivion, and haven't upgraded to skyrim as of yet. late bloomer, you could say.


bit of an unscripted erection here too.


i was unsure until i took a arrow to the kneecap lololol no not really it is a funny picture where somebody did the locky thingy to itself real simple stuff but i forget the inteligence levels of reddit sometimes but here is an upvote here for trying dumb dumb but really i have been shot in the knee ama hahaha seriously just kidding but seriously


I think tokomini was having fun with OP's username.


hahaha, also (unless you're gay), there is absolutely zero rational reason for you to have subscribed to this subreddit. But if you are in the midst of a sex change: all apologies. =D


Wait, you were a *security guard*, and you were afraid to go outside because there was some strange dude hanging around? Isn't that what security guards are *for*?


Little weird you don't know that movie if you know them


No, no.  You've got the wrong idea.

If you don't have kids, here's the truth: billions and billions of years of evolution have served one purpose and one purpose only.  To make ME.

I'm not a broken link in a chain that was meant to stretch for eternity.  I'm the apex of a mighty pyramid!


Is the baby going to look like that when it comes out? Is that how it works?


Fuck that! When I was a kid I had a laptop and fap away in math class nobody knew


Maybe she was an onion?

EDIT: Yes, I get it. Shrek. haha. how fun, how original. wow.


haha love it. honestly after Luis' stamp on Mirallas sometime before that, he totally deserved that.


You think of it as confidence? I think of it as being hungry or wanting to be entertained.


True, but you've asked for feet like 5 times and it's coming off as creepy.


Can also confirm. Am daughter.


> it's a true problem she's attacking.

A true problem is people starving and being killed.

You have zero perspective about how women are treated internationally.  Pretending that a woman making millions is making less is a "true problem" just shows your ignorance for what an actual problem is.


In my personal opinion this one takes the cake.


She might not be overweight but there isn't an ounce of visible fitness anywhere on her body


I auditioned when I was at Second City. Because our cast auditioned no one got it because we were all being supportive so no one stood out. My next audition (they were 3 hours long) I didn't know anyone so I thought...screw you. That's how you get ahead kids.


I clicked. and I instantly regretted the decision. That site screams malware... even IF it's safe, very poor design


As a 35 year old single male with no kids living in a 1,200 sq ft 2 br apartment in Los Angeles, where the second bedroom is my Lego room... fuck that guy.

EDIT: Here's a few pics of my apartment and Lego room. I'm okay with being a selfish asshole.

http://imgur.com/a/MrlX1


Why am I getting down voted for being polite?!


he was staying at the same hotel


Lol, blaming Reagan for cocaine abuse? You people are retarded.


you should be more radical so OP actually goes to the doctor, I would have written the tl;dr as

**see a doctor now, or you will die**


Upvote for that one good sir.


saw this on my facebook feed, thought it deserved better


I suggest you invest in humor.


No mate these are his Real stats.


Ha, I know exactly what you mean! But I only feel this way when another vehicle is driving at the exact same pace that I am. I feel like we're speed limit buddies and that we're riding the same zone, the right zone--everyone else on the road are either going too fast or too slow.

Thanks for sharing.


Super Troopers. It's too damn funny.


It used to be science/technology centered, and thus, comments were very intelligent and you felt very bad if you got downvoted (because downvotes were so rare).

Now, it's filled with people like you.


Tony QWOP: Drunk Skater


More like you'd the owner of your team pay that money.


Offer to giver her oral sex, and in the middle of the act, ask her if it has always looked like an Arby's sandwich.


fags are a type of homo. like all fags are homos but not all homos are fags


Lighting PR Forest Fires.


I'd like to see someone do it without a bunch of exploits.


Well, I started this, so I might as well be the one to do it... http://imgur.com/yxw7QRd (thanks for the gold!)


Fighting the murder of the unborn ftw. If only everyone was more like the Republicans.


We do tend to freedom the fuck out of people on a regular basis.


And you know this by reading her profile... so who the fuck cares? Move on.

Or, you're the SJW that Tinder needs?


I'm no longer poor and I still do this. It's obscene how much stuff we throw away.


http://news.google.com

and

http://www.4chan.org

No need to thank me.

*EDIT: Wow, getting downvoted hard. All you downvoters can go fuck a goat!


Ten.  One to screw it in and nine to start a Survivors Against Darkness support group.


eh how bout showin some RESPECT for woman instead of ooogling them and being a sexist pig???? i get this shit all teh time as a girl gamer (im not a fat virgin nerd or anythin fyi so don assume that). anyway the admins should really start to **clamp down** on this sexism shit its makin it not a nice place for woman just sayin downvoting your comment coz you shouldn have posted it :S


Low melting point plastic filament. Then your dick would be a 3d printer.


Hate children? What other serial killer characteristics do you have? Are you sure you want to admit publicly that you hate children? How about hating women? That doesn't sound good. Hating black people? Not good.


Default answer: 17/F/Cali


wow are you stupid thats the joke


"If you're too stupid to leave the burning building we have issues."


Really? You posted this bland joke instead of rotating the picture?

Edit: And now I get downvoted? Okay.


I don't do asian guys either, but then I like chicks so you can't go by me.


Well. Alright then. Way to show some classiness. Nothing you said was even remotely funny.


Yes, Jim Lovell said it when they had an explosion in the propulsion system.


We downvoted you because you said uptoke. Reddiquette states that you shouldnt say when you upvote something.


**IS THIS ABLE YOU BLOW JOB?**


not sure if trolling, or dumb .... !


Great moments in hookup history


A Karth ult blocked by Sivir shield is still impressive as you have to cast it before he presses R (aka, blind guess). If you see him channeling its already too late, Sivir shield won't block it then.


Yea it was a public school.  Now the student's father was a habitual criminal so...


AWWW WOOKIT DA WIDDLE MISUNDASTWOOD D BAG... DEN HE TOOK AN ARROW TO DA KNEE!!!! OUCHIE-OOO!!! GOO GOO!!!!


Would have to be Ripster


Novelty account, normal account, all the same. Dumbass who sold all his stuff, normal person... completely different.

Maybe you should have just donated your body to science and killed yourself and your fat girlfriend - a couple of jesus freaks are worthless anyway.


Read the above comment if you like reading snobby people defending their favorite artsy movie's honor to death.


Fuck you, I like oatmeal raisin cookies.


yep.  She posted the left pic to FB back then too. **validated**


I am being serious.

I'm a lady also.


I didn't? I don't know why you think i did.


Still somehow easier to find than "lecture hall 1."


I wouldn't say he was neglecting her by not being interested in ranting. That isn't a deeply important type of conversation, it is simple venting that requires any audience willing to lend an ear. However, if that audience keeps being another man continuously, one can wonder what his agenda is.

Op does need a girl friend.


But... why? HOW WOULD ANYONE EVER THINK THAT


Is a skinny person defending some fat guy who is being made fun of an inconceivable notion to you?


10/10 would fornicate


Stop flashing your stupidity in public


STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM NOW MY WHOLE TEAM FUCKIN CRUNK


Having crossfitted at one point, I can tell you that they were no where near crossfit legit.


You should have screamed "FREEEEDOOOOOMMM" while doing cartwheels


you don't need to post about how you posted this comment to a different subreddit hahahaha

LOL woooooooooooooooooooo downvotes


Science has shown that it benefits the female greatly to ingest it.


-pffffffffffffffffffft- meeeeow!!!! -pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft- MEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  -pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft- MEOOOOOoOoOoOoOoOoOOWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -plop- meow.


I did.  I thought my friend was doing that too, so I kind of followed her lead.  I didn't know she was gone until I heard him drive off and I tried to wake her.


So because the sub is ImGoingToHell it's cool to say racist shit--like associating black people with fucking monkeys?? That's literally the same analogy that helped justify slavery in the US. The Garner verdict was two fucking months ago. Come on guys.


I have found that there are a TON of people who all want a "latte with extra extra foam." I am dying to hang something like [this](http://www.bagofnothing.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/expressodirnk.jpg) up in the cafe I work at.


I pretty much am an asshole so thanks for noticing.


Will the wife, and OP get back together?

Will Colby get revenge?

Will anyone care next time?

Another thrilling chapter of "Colby: a dog's journey" closes, but tune in to askreddit next time to find out where it all ends in the final chapter. Release date: TBA.


*Sigh* Is this what language has come to? My words are bigger, so my point it better.


If someone makes you a cake that awesome you just stab yourself with an epi-pen between bites


Well thought out comment.  How do you find time for gaming when you spend so much time getting tattoos and piercings and policing the reddit Philly postings?


Despite his mom being a hot tempered airhead, he'd probably be a pretty cool kid.


oK i wil sht the fuk up bcause I rm a dickheda.

Edit: No, kill yourself.


Ask for money? Hell, I can hardly work up the nerve to say hi to someone who works in the same building but don't know who they are.


I don't reckon there are a lot of people with internet there...


* smallest dog is the lower class
* white dog is the middle class
* the toy is american consumerism and shiny things we think we need
* german shepherd is the 1%
* guy taking the picture is the media; covering the situation for karma while doing nothing


wow hes basicaly copying the princess bride. so fucking uncreative. these natives didnt really contribute anything to the culture anyways. all they did was get drunk and rape white women


Is the husky going to come in and discard of my poop? Seems only fair.


Thanks for repeating the question, dude.


Has anyone actually left a stapler long enough to disprove this though?


Uh, the chick was as much of a bitch as he was an asshole. She's like punching him in the arm being all "HEY ASSHOLE PAY ATTENTION" instead of playing it off like a normal woman would.


Why in the fuck would they keep handing out that broken tube. I mean that's some serious negligence there.


Dude, you live in a shithole county. Indian people are amongst the most incompetent people in the world, what do you expect? Its not dell's fault, its a problem systemic to the indian people. You look like a paki anyways, just move back there.


No, Da'Madness. Da'Fuck is his brother.


Oops, didn't realize you didn't want honesty about the fact that you may be a bitch. In this case, asking him to continue to repress a harmless sexual urge just because you are grossed out seems a bit unfair. But if you're just looking for people to reinforce your current opinion, there's plenty of other comments for you to continue circlejerking


50 minutes in, and already it's clear to see that this thread will **break** Reddit


I find that very hard to believe, considering he was around only about a year before Google.


He isn't dead? What the fuck are you talking about?


Seriously, there's more to breaking up than conspiring against the other person.


Battlefield 2 is one of the greatest games ever made and it is not even really talked about by most people. I think you could say "in my day" when speaking about it. Most kids that play BF4 don't even realize that bf2 was 10 times better.


I don't know whether to upvote because this is the creepiest thing on the thread or just leave this comment telling you how distraught I am.


Came here to say this


Next time please write *spoiler* at the start of your post, you have now ruined the pirate themed page 48 of my wheres Waldo book as I know your on the boat. Fuck.


Though their Third Reich program was a bust.


why fight?  should be friend


PM me if you want to feel amazing tonight. joke joke hahaha ;)

edit: wow wtf I wake up with -60 karma, you guys don't understand that type of jokes? Oh sorry, I forgot the winking smiley face and the hints.


My school has this, it's called Street Law. It's a really easy elective so it ends up getting taken by ghetto kids who ask a lot of HYPOTHETICAL questions about weed


I wish it was simply left out, period.  How awful.


that reminds me of the saying "Arrested Development is a smart show about stupid people, and The Big Bang Theory is a stupid show about smart people"


lol'd

edit: why downvote?  I cant laugh at this mans fine joke?

edit #2: I HAD A FINE LAUGH THIS MANS JOKE, ALSO SOMETHING ABOUT CATS, CAN I HAVE UPVOTES NOW?

edit #3: most downvoted comment ever, inside my highest voted thread ever, double high five!


Yeah, the ex boyfriend is just there to help take care of the baby. She didn't want to stress the husband out. The ex is making balloon animals out of the condoms to entertain the newborn.


Sarcasm does not bode well for Reddit's community. I am sorry.


Can confirm. Everything about that image is shopped.

I work in the the Art/ Graphics department for a sporting goods company. It's pretty routine to have to take very VERY different photographs (mostly stock images) with people and sh0p 'em into all kinds of scenarios.

Either this person hated their job and wanted a laugh, or they never finished it.

how the fuck is this my top comment?


Syrians are where it's at dear lord. I've dated 3, they're definitely my type. The french fucked the white into em as I understand it.


-Yes, seriously.

-Yes, I can still taste, but it's not what I would call a strong sense of taste. I'm much more of a texture based eater.

-No, not even shit.

-Yes, I can sense certain chemicals, but it's not a smell. It's kind of a tingle.

-I fucking hated those markers as a kid.

If those don't answer any of your questions, ask away.


That's why we should put all men in jails, as a preventive measure, so females can be safe from men, who are innately evil subhumans that should be killed for being worthless to society. /s

You should use a long look in the mirror. **We know you hate us.**


It's catch twenty-poo.


So... why not just change your main hand? Don't need to unequip anything, just change main hands...

Also, he obviously didn't take skill recharge time into account, but still... unequipping all that gear when a main hand change is all that's needed?

For someone as far on as you are, I'd expect that to be elementary...


"Class rings are for people who don't go to college."
- my mom


You suck and your country sucks.


"Oh you're a fan of /r/gonewild? I actually prefer /r/dragonsfuckingcars."


Downvote for being a little bitch.


No. As a girl, I can tell you that Monster=pain. :/


I get bored sometimes so I fish for downvotes.


Yeah...because those specs are to be trusted.


Wahhh, mean internet man shattered my wank utopia. I'm sorry that I feel the need to call bullshit on some horribly fabricated fuck fiction.


I believe its called a blumpkin


hahahahahahahahahaha you sad, sad person


Or his right to arm bears


There's a big difference between contacting a politician in regards to an upcoming vote through a contact page and encouraging people to contact advertisers to shut down a site/get writers fired because you don't like them or their opinions.


Peeing everywhere via helicopterdick while maintaining eye contact asserts raw dominance.


We should then, especially beware of the left, such as those on college campuses who censor and shout-down ideas they disagree with.


Doesn't matter; harpooned whale


Ya they do. We need to stop coddling people. Are those people dicks? Yes. Are they well adjusted? Probably not. Do they have a god given right to laugh at fat people, they sure do. If you feel bad that people laugh at your for being fat, you clearly arent comfortable with being fat and should change.

Edit: Sorry fatties, you arent going to get protected hate speech because sit ups are hard.


>not a mediocre Canadian football team

You son of a bitch...


I'm going to downvote you for the sake of honor.


It's not a "sex negative" thing, it's an "attention whore" thing.

edit: u guis r pretty dum


I use geriatric life-partner when referencing my mother's elderly boy toy to others.


All nudity is NOT porn. What the fuck are you talking about? That's the same type of thinking that pegs all men as pedophiles.


Bicyclists do not have to obey any traffic laws. Everyone knows that.


Oh noes! The evil capitalists with their subliminal messages are programming me to be a humanoid robot at their disposal! Woe is me!

Get yourself a tinfoil hat or something.


This artist has a valid point.  I think the German government should arrest him and put him in prison indefinitely, as a protest against artists who are persecuted and imprisoned in places such as China.


no it would not. are you dumb ooooooooooor just a typical redditor (but that makes you dumb anyways lol)?


Dude you got saved by Mario lmfao


lol u must bbe fat than if u eat so much freis lol


I can confirm that cover letters that specifically mention oral sex go to the top of the pile.

Source: I'm a recruiter


Keep trying to hype fake injuries all you want.


Damn, I shouldn't vote before I read to the end.


Just bought Illidan?  Sucks to be you when the nerf bat comes.  Hope it hits hard.


Safety Man: "Hey, Stop using the nail guns for target practice! Are you guys crazy!?!"

Workers: "But sir, we're wearing our helmets"

Safety Man: "Carry on"


"I wish I could kill those that kill others. They don't deserve to live because I say so."

Do you even hear yourself? I see this type of comment a lot around here and it's just pathetic. You are no better than a murderer if that's your thought process. Sad.


Geting **a shit ton of** money


>if you become atheist, you de-convert.

Err, is that how you guys spin it these days? LOL you atheists crack me up.

Edit: reading some of these comments ("No one is born any religion. Religion is something taught", "My dad refers to himself as 'in recovery' from religion" etc), I've realised that you guys are like a weird, brainwashed cult. nothingtodohere.jpeg


player.setbraverylevel SO


Oh you're getting an upvote. Yes you are. Yes. You. Are.


"Oh god, I'm so sorry to hear that. Is your wife okay? Your daughter? She's still 17 right."


Yes, not because they turned someone gay (that would be impossible), but because they got off scot-free for rape. If there was such a place as hell, that is.


Agreed. Unless it's done as a joke, a la defining a wedding as "the fusing together of two metals."


So you think a movie that portrays a suicide bomber or jihadist in a more positive light would be okay as well,  right?

Nobody would force you to see it.


Fucking AMD never buying that shit again


↓ READ BETWEEN
***

***
↑ THE LINES


>she must be a strong woman

Implying that everyone who dies of a brain tumour is weak. Classy.


Sometimes I wish physics was a person so I could slap it in its face.


MAYBE IF YOU SPENT LESS TIME HANGING OUT ON THE CORNER WITH THE NIGGERS YOU WOULD KNOW HOW TO FUCKING USE PARAGRAPHS


Mommy, watch! We're playing gorillas!


/r/fitnesscirclejerk awaits you presence oh king


Jeez, a guy that can make you laugh and has a car? What else are you looking for? Me thinks your bar is too high.

edit: what the fuck is with all the 'television' comments?


Yeah, I'm sure it's totally unbiased.  /eyeroll


you get to buy "everything"


reddit is not your personal army.


So uh... Why do you think North Korea follows you on Twitter? And have you been in contact with the US government regarding it?


Much as I love the guy, 1 game shouldn't impact ratings... so you uh, gotta get 12 blocks a game for the season Hassan... Yeah, that's the ticket. :)


Whose gay is it anyway?


That's because the only people that use it are 80 years old and racist. Even if the word itself isn't too bad, it's something said by people who are bad.


Im sorry I didnt die from hundreds of thousands of bee stings like Candyman. Next time I'll cover myself in honey


No.

Edit: please continue to down vote me if you consider having a refreshing "ah ha!" moment and appreciating interesting art IS NOT BETTER than simply having an obvious red dragon on the cover.


Unless she's the love interest of the hero, then she has a small chance of survival.


Theres zero evidence that they didnt do anything to alter the balls either, just saying

edit: obviously i shouldnt be a lawyer


You could always just be puck buddies.


sadly your ancestors didn't off themselves.  Could have saved me from having to read your retarded statement.


And it sounds much like "I'm sure I will be downvoted, but..."


That's what I'm saying?  I was all like *this* as gender neutral is lazy linguistics at best, horrendous ethnography at worst- likely bro mythology.  They don't get though. And they down vote like telescope looking through, not a day of soft science studying, awkward penguin living mutha fuckas. Up vote to you.


"NOPE NOT SICK JUST TAKING A SHIT. LIKE EVERY OTHER TIME YOU'VE ASKED ME THIS QUESTION."


Yeah, cuz gay people are a big joke, right?


We should get together and play Night Crawlers.


Egg y kfletv, fw fwg eg wB y KGzwvgbkgwbtqnfqqfjdhhzzkkybsc


The internet is strong with this one.


Fair enough, it's your subreddit.

Although, I presume you have banned me because I post on SRS (that's my "jib", i.e. posting history) and yet you mod SRSAMA. Are you just camping? I want to try and set up a small positive subreddit.


*Arrrrrrrroooooooooooooooooooooo*


Have you seen /r/mildlyinfuriating? Everyone whines about everything. That's the point of the sub.


Wasn't she the one who was on 4chan, and named her new pet thanks to a 4chan message ? (This was then confirmed by a tweet from her confirmed twitter account.)

If so, the cam thing would not surprise me too much.


Yo, fuck you and your sexism. Sounds like you deserved it.


kinda like the rest of the country


OH I CAN DO MOVIE QUOTES TOO!

>What we do in life, echoes in eternity!

AM I DOING IT RITE?


Its never awkward when you're involved


Reddit is becoming a regurgitating cow stomach lately.  All the fags repost shit for karma.


Could you double check?


Mad fat girl is mad. Lose some weight tubby.

42 fatties have gotten mad. Problem, treatfags?

*4th edit* Let's reach -100 treatfags.


Most likely because it was the toilet's birthday.


Too late, I already made a [viral vid](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0) about it


Thats acute joke there


This is why women shouldn't be in high rank positions


Yeah. She is a bitch!


That is the most ridiculous troll shit I have ever seen.  Fuck off.


Step 1 - Ask what happened

Step 2 - Learn what happened


I don't always bullshit people, but when I do, I bullshit TwoLegsJoe


I wanted to punch all those people so bad.
EDIT1: holy shit you guys hate buzzfeed
EDIT2: first comment over 1000 points!


Yeah it's right up there with killing Bin Laden and getting everybody healthcare.


Amazing how you figured that one out, slick.


Well, medivac with thor has a far more obvious animation... Maybe we should go examine overlords more closely =)


Only if the perpetrator gets caught.


Sex shaming is wrong until you do it, huh?


You must be new here.


(╯°□°）╯︵ NʎƃqO uɐ ǝq ʇsnW


Yeah, I am under no delusions.  The only way to do it is consume less and burn more.  Since I have gotten married we have been more active.  My stamina is slowly increasing.  The biggest goal was to stop gaining and I achieved that.  Now I've gotten about 20 pounds off in the last 6 months or so.


Ha!  But seriously, racism is bad.  There is growing evidence that is was part of the culture at SAE and I think it's right to expose it.


Well, the poor guy already can't go to Liberia. Best not to take Russia from him too.


I'm sorry, the prompt said go back through "history". Not jump into a book of fables lol


wow thanks for letting us know, i thought this was one of her daughter's instagrams


I bet you're fun at parties


The invisible people can't see each other or be seen. That'd be lonely as fuck - imagine the suicide rates among invisible people.


agreed, it's pretty aggravating.... my apologies to everyone.


On Cat Reddit: "If your owners could gain intelligence for 5 minutes, what orders would you attempt to communicate to them?"


more like, scumbag neighbors. you give them brown sugar, they give you two boxes of cane sugar. :(


Branson is Vegas for people who don't like fun.


You are an ugly weirdo, and so is your mom.  You should know I am making judgement about your family and they are not positive.


While most Americans don't speak Spanish, enough of us do that it seems pretty stupid to assume any particular person won't understand.


it's from when I was in high school aka 2009 buddy


Would you maybe prefer it went ping instead?


"bitched"? fuck you, guy.


Day 1921. Two purchase today. Today is good. Today is eat.


and paper airplanes which u use to destroy the towers.


'absurdly cute' is my dad in a nutshell, yup.

Forty years later, they're still together, and my dad resembles a five-foot garden gnome without a beard. That grin. I should be so lucky as to be that cute when I'm his age.


haha the classic reddit switcheroonee


That's seriously fucked up.


That would be because you're too busy being a fucking idiot.


>I just told him that beggars can't be choosers

That may very well be the most well placed and correct usage of that statement.


Well, being gay is mostly optional


Then what did Harry Jizzsock invent?


Lol, please get educated before you post shit like this to Reddit... anyone agree?


Apparently they were just wrestling.


There's a post on the kia front page right now talking about how one of Ghazi's mod's imgur accounts has offensive jokes on it.


Can confirm. My girlfriend immediately flips into seductress mode with me any time she knows she's in deep shit. It's like a survival instinct or something.


Because their tails were cut off. Without anesthetic.

Edit: holy cow that's a lot of downvotes.
[proof](http://www.pedigree.com/all-things-dog/article-library/fetch-mobile.aspx?url=the-boxer-and-tail-docking)


The smell would be so thick you'd have to wave it away from your face like cobwebs.


Goddamn you making me laugh.

EDIT: How did this get downvoted so much?


And is the closest you can get to licking your own brain.


I think you're taking this too seriously...


Oh my God, Karen. You can't just ask someone if they've been on Reddit today.


your mom's decision not to have an abortion is like 100% of her regrets


This guy really is famous for good reason.

edit: grammar


No it didn't. That shows only the top part of the umbrella coming off. OP showed an entire umbrella hitting him.


What has Bush done in Africa? Not being partisan, I genuinely don't know.


> lore

Umm that seems like an over-embelishment how about story. Lord of the Rings has lore, Dragon Age has Lore even Fallout has lore. This game takes place in our world with just possessed animatronics.


Damn that? Who says that?

Edit: holy crud, inbox assploded


>**Not a Lawyer**
>You cannot be successfully sued for stating something that is true, **AFAIK**

WOW you are a fucking pussy. Grow some balls man, seriously.


My little brother said something similar to my grandma.

"I like this mummy better than my last mummy. My last mummy locked me in a room and I drank some paint and died."


We just gave him a new contract and have a chance at a trophy on March 1st


Same with ours, the hot popular girls were always in the student section getting wild. The less attractive/less popular girls were the cheer leaders.


I mentioned to you both in PM and in that thread that I'd support your unbanning if you aren't going to edit highly-upvoted comments with a link to your site anymore. The pictures aren't the problem, it's the link you're editing in.

I don't know why you aren't willing to just compromise on that.


Wise advice on maturity from anus_lips.


I agree. They aint making fun of jack shit. It's just a coincidence that two bands recorded a music video at the same beautiful beach. No Tom foolery there


Good. One of the heroes to stand up against this for the freedom of press, and show us all that it's worth fighting for. It's true, we can not give into terrorist demands (christ, I feel like bush saying that) and let them get away with all they have done. I agree, run his comics on the front page of every magazine, same comic, everywhere. What would they have to say about that?


I'm definitely more of a lurker on this subreddit because as a whole, everything I want to say gets said by the time I read the discussion threads so I just upvote and move on.


I think you meant "its"..


downvote for telling to upvote.


I wish people would realize that this is FAR MORE LIKELY than a brain tumor. Best sign: He said it "came out of nowhere." Not an apology, not a "I had no reason to do that, I can't believe I hurt you", but a totally self-centered reaction.

I'm so sorry that you went through that.


Okay let me rephrase "Not as much love as expected" better? :)


Peanut butter and jelly, with a side of teleportation to another habitable planet.

And why aren't Ben and Bruce stopping this fucking meteor? Shouldn't I be stuffing animal crackers down some chick's blouse right about this last-meal-eating time? Isn't stopping space rocks what we pay Affleck and Willis to do? Fucking slackers...


what the fuck is there to understand? it's a personal choice that they've made, what business is it of yours?


cheer up, you could both die together in a car crash or something


**FUCKIN LIAR, THIS DIDNT HAPPEN**

**FAGGOTS DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT CARS, ALL THEY KNOW ABOUT IS SUCKIN DICK**

**DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT AND GET OFF MY INTERNET, I FUCKIN HATE LIARS**


Shit I, a straight guy, would go on a date with another guy if he took me to a hockey game. Not sure if I would put out, though.


I'm just clicking that for the cat


I bet he dont rat, he rides for his squad dog. Gotta respect it even if it aint right.


"It's called an illusion kid. A trick is something a whore does for money." and then close the door.


No. Gone wild is for girls only. Guys don't get up voted.


No kidding, towels actually feel pretty heavy when you hang em off a rigid dick, it's like a workout. Tough men never skip leg day, REAL men never skip 3rd-leg day


Well, yeah. You do know you're on reddit, right?


Nothing says true love like "ohhhh alright, yes."


All I'm saying is: Don't you think shitty would rather post his own work and get the karma?

So fuck off yourself. It's not a matter of whether karma is important or not. It's about respecting well-liked members of the reddit community.


Dream about me max..( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


Nope, still pretty obvious he's kidding **and** found someone much better than you.

Congratulations to him.


Actually he turned himself in yesterday, need to look up a source since I heard it on the radio

Edit: http://www.nu.nl/wielrennen/4010961/veroorzaker-ongeval-drentse-8-meldt-zich.html (dutch)


le me used to le imgur mirror, but then le me took le arrow to le knee!!!!! #leLOOOOL!


This proves what I said about not always having a black suit and scotch.. Do not look for this look to come back any time soon even though at the time it served me pretty well.... "Mucho chicks..I was throwing a lot of dick!!


This is what happens when you let unions run everything. we need our own scott walker to fuck these parasites up so they stop raping the taxpayer


Honestly, I doubt anything I do now will make up for the hundreds of downvotes I got.  But, they were the coolest downvotes I've ever gotten.


GOO GAH Gah whe WAN sheh GAA boo!!!!!!!!!


>masturbating atleast 5 times a week reduces risk of prostate cancer.

Then I could probably cure someone's prostate cancer just by standing next to them.


Dexter kills Laguerta


You know, I'm actually pretty surprised that no one has asked for that before.


That was a shitty one.

Can I have a second chance?


Whenever I clean my room I like to narrate it and I pretend I'm a cleaning lady for somebody else. I narrate every single thing I do and the best way to do it and tips on how to do it.

Luckily, nobody has ever caught me.


Lol, Raiders fans go from constantly guaranteeing that they sign Cobb, Julius and Suh to being "quite happy" to get these guys. Lolololol


If your balls aren't lower than your wife's breast, that's cause for alarm.

edit: This is now officially my most-upvoted comment. Take from that what you will.


> Now imagine someone with an actual addiction/disease

I'd argue that an event like this would hopefully be enough to help them get clean and get their life back together.

And here comes the pro-drug downvote brigade, stay classy fellas.


"Gotta list of Starbucks lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane."


any pics of them extra crispy?


PATRIOT ACT! Overruled.


thank god ya buddy died, one less fat fuck loser to ruin peeps night out......

Edit:shut up you know im right


I don't know, I've eaten at Olive Garden before.......


I laughed at it.  What you mean to say is, you find it unfunny.  And you know what man?  That's cool.  You don't have to laugh at it.  You can downvote and move on.  Don't try to censor this sub.  It's too awesome for that.


She's reading a magazine so she's not on Reddit. Shit! If she does check Reddit and she's subscribed here, fuck.


They're a liar. They deserve everything they get.


She's back at 4. Remember to stay really quiet in that attic.


Im so edgey, i read something i hate


Look, kid. My name is Roger Murdock.


I think you're just as creepy for saying and capitalizing "MLP"


Wow you are so fucking funny that I shat myself all over myself.

You are totally not predictable and are very humorous.


Whatever you do don't play Skyrim.  The bears in that game are bloodthirsty savages.

EDIT:  Red Dead Redemption bears are bad, but in RDR you had guns and dead eye.


tfw the best defense for your opinion is that you're allowed to have it


> 60 minutes

Yeah...


Ladies... pfft that's unlikely xD


Hey. Stop victim blaming **now** it is not appropriate and it is NOT cool. Or should I just delete this straight up?

Rape kills people. It is deadly. People act the way they do because they are trying to stay alive and they will do whatever it takes to do so. It is not up for debate: people die during rape. This person didn't. She did what she had to to live.

EDIT: Formal warning, btw.


well that seems pretty fucking important now doesn't it


There would be no child if the mother didn't fuck another man.


I'm starting to realize this now as this thread continues.


Being Gay isn't a choice, being Christian is. If you can't be criticized for your choices, then I don't know what the fuck we're going to do with the world.


This kid with no friends killed himself when I was in high school.  Overnight he became every chick's BFF.  It was like a contest to see who was the most distraught.  Shit was gross.


So embarrassing, leave the diving to Real Madrid. This is why I prefer Pedro over Sanchez, and Mascherano over Busquets. And I honestly hope they don't acquire Neymar, they are really changing the image of the team.


You should watch the episode of Archer where this happens.


Why yes. Yes I am. I'm mocking the backers who backed a movie that would have already been made Because they want to be first to see a trailer. Will they want an exclusive screening first as well too? And no I will not see it, because I have no interest in sci-fi movie


And you're a fucking fag.


People still think in terms of social classes? Are you Asian?

Edit: I know social classes exist. I'm just shocked that people still think in terms of them and are giving advice like that. As a person who came from a lower socio-economic class, it's quite disturbing to hear.


>And I've brushed my boob against Katy Perry's.

I feel that this needs a little elaboration. For science, that is.


ew wtf dirty console scum


I read that in Sal's voice from Pineapple Express


The script deals with human issues that we all deal with, and it does it in a realistic but hopeful way. I don't put much stock in the personal problems of my life. Disillusionment and disappointment are something we all go through, and the goal of the script and the film in general is to believe in the power of humanity and compassion rather than giving into the power of negativity.


It depends.

Are you Australian?


I couldn't get through yours either. My dog saved a mouse that day as well. Your words touched me deeply.


Wow...this would actually be a cool question to hear answers to if it were possible.


So do you want to tell us what articles of the Geneva Conventions the US Army violates as a matter of official policy?


I call this "jetpacking."

"Hey babe can you be my jetpack tonight?" feels a lot better than asking to be little spoon.


You don't already own a pen?  Just why?


"The Restrict False Advertising in Bills bill was introduced today. If passed, it will protect lawmakers' right to give bills intentionally misleading names."

Edit: Thanks for the gold, stranger!


We shoot a lot so feel free to see even more of her at my page >>> https://www.facebook.com/Imustbedead.Photography


To make it less* awkward when getting a sperm sample, tell the person at the desk you'll be thinking of them.

*^read:&nbsp;more


One reason is because barely anyone plays Smite, and loads of people play LoL. So they're heavily favored in this 'deal'.


I lost a textbook in high school once and the teacher, this lady who had a Ph.d. in Literature and wore business suits to teach 9th grade english to potheads, was like "Why did you lose your book?" and demanded an answer. I was like "I thought it would be a good career move". She explained to me that it wasn't.


It must've been a nigger

cuz the butthurt is off the charts


Metal detectors will not prevent weed.


We've been considering ways to discourage non-questions (like Etch_A_Sketcher's comments), at least at the top level. Any suggestions?


Only 1790's kids will get this: LMS if u remember Washington!!!!!!!!!!


how could you not know that?!?! COME ON@!!!!!!!!!!!!


Let alone many guns, that would necessitate an entire rack!


Arian's decision to use lindley. Why didn't he get keenum before the Texans did? Arians loves the deep ball and Keenum can provide that.

So I think he's a legitimate reason for going 2-4. Obviously not the only reason.


You're missing the point entirely.

The most important thing we can learn from the OP, is that refrigerators aren't bulletproof... So HOW IN THE HELL could one stand up to a nuclear explosion?

Case closed.

Indiana Jones was shopped.


Holy crap. No offense, but if this is your answer then you must be one ugly worthless human being.


Jesus, get it together man.


Definitely only repubs commit voter fraud...

http://www.wnd.com/2012/10/video-captures-dem-campaign-chief-plotting-vote-fraud/

Edit: Just in case you wanted an AP article to support WND's claims. Credit- jestr6

http://news.yahoo.com/congressmans-son-leaves-campaign-wake-video-235322231--election.html


I don't mind gaming being called a sport,  as long as gamers don't start calling themselves athletes.


Well, although he may have some female looking parts, he truly is still a male, so it's not like she's wrong.


For instance, when I'm on reddit I become an open-minded satirical liberal atheist with infallible spelling abilities and a proficiency at applying scholarly knowledge wherever there is doubt. In real life, I become a racist asshole that lives with his parents, watches porn, and forgets to bathe.


I think its not true but yes everyone is entitled to there own opinion

**UPVOTE IF YOU THINK IM CORRECT**


HAHA O man this brings back a horrible memory. When I was about 13 I had no internet on a vacation so drew myself some "porn" to spank it to... on paint. It was hideous. It was one step up from stick figures. And I even drew a speech balloon coming from the woman that said something like, "O ya baby, give it to me!" I somehow fapped to that image on multiple occasions.


oh shoosh its still fucking funny


He will be a Rocket.


you are so full of shit


Your honesty makes me feel like a terrible person.


It's osmostically-activated. It causes you to retain excess water.
Try reading more thoroughly next time


Space time continuum ripped, universe destroyed.  Nice work, jerk, that's where I kept all my stuff.


When you have access to billions of dollars, yes it is.


1 horse sized duck.

Maybe if I filmed it and put it on Youtube I'd become internet famous...


HAHa, Your username is a cool MEME bro! xD xD! ayyy lol yolo


It seems she took care of that for you.


>literally brave

FTFY


Great question.  You live with it.  You own it best you can.  I know that DUNGEON SIEGE sucked but you try and love it for what it is.  It's like your kid... ya know?  You really hold on to the positive.


lol a veteran at pumping out terrorist islamic jihadists.

Oh look a next generation terrorist is next to her, how cute.

I just want to pinch his little terrorist cheeks.


This is a reference to one of the most notorious AMAs in Reddit history.  In it, a young man claimed to have had a sexual relationship with his mother, which began after she offered to masturbate him to orgasm to relieve his sexual tension while he was recovering from two broken arms.

This is tangentially relevant to Game of Thrones, because incest is a recurring plot element in the series.


Nah Kanye will just be remembered for being a huge douche. Nobody will actually listen to/like his music. Sorry kid.


OP I wouldn't ever plug that USB into a laptop or computer. Some of these foreign products have been found to have all sorts of spyware on them and can be super dangerous. I would link it If I could find it but I remember a story about an E-Cig that infected someones computer and they lost something.


I actually didn't take it. [I am pretty sure this is the creator](http://krankaholic.tumblr.com/post/18077206788/breaking-bad) (click on the actual link. Clicking the "image open" thing just opens the same image)


>  sub standard womb conditions.

lol

C-, would not gestate here again.


Whatever, you're still not a real woman.


tl;dr my family's jewish


seriously, there's an entire subreddit for shit like this. Would you kindly just keep it there?


As he should have been.


This guy is probably on reddit

Edit-yesss! This is my most downvoted comment ever!


Mine is about several hundred of myself debating minor details and forming a consensus.


hmm...there's a meme for this type of comment...I'm sure of it...


I notice you pretended that the Buffy remake question wasn't there. That's how the rest of us feel about it, too.


2 bad he culdnt block his cancar LOL!


Public librarian here. People have some idea that we just hang out and read all day. The bulk of my day is spent helping people with no computer skills apply for jobs or housing. Much of the rest of my time is spent doing tedious weeding projects or comparing a ton of data before purchasing new books.

That said, I love it and wouldn't change a thing (except my paycheck).


People are so retarded. 500 upvote score on a bunch of random interviews submitted at the same time, with 30 comments each. That screams fraud so hard. Their gonna get Travis' site blacklisted. People need to do it right not spam.


THIS IS BEAR IN A MAN SUIT. I FUCKING LOVE BREAD.


And you need to add something to the discussion..

Redditors... sometimes...


I can just imagine you looking under the microscope and whispering "I made you..."


Still, doing that alone, at night, is just asking for trouble, even in a decent neighborhood. All a thief sees is a thousand dollar price tag on a bunch of gear, and he probably had been following you a few times already. I'm sorry to hear it happened. Did you have insurance?


It was strange, I was kept in a blacked out room so the sunlight was not a problem at that point. When I got released my eyes just watered all the time and I had major headaches


She may be fat for now, but you'll always be stuck with your small dick. Or not, maybe your "small dick" is your crippling insecurity and i wish you'll be able to get counseling sooner than later. "Everyone else" that don't tease her are the people you should look up to. You are currently unable to understand why, but you WILL understand one day, don't despair.


OP's friend is dead.


Ok, nobody cares. Take your shiposting away with yourself


Because like every other aspect of life, Russians just can't settle for anything less than the literal most extreme thing imaginable.

"Oh meth and heroin? Those are cute, but our junkies get addicted to a form of pain killers that eventually makes you only ever feel pain, never have any relief, then your skin falls off *while you're still alive.*"


No one cares about your comment: there are authoritative actions to support higher in the thread.


Seriously. I work in a restaurant, and can confirm this. Also, fuck those guys.


Keep trying, you poor thing.

EDIT: Apology to Jackle13, should have read it more carefully.


Keep telling yourself that capitalism is your problem.


Call of booty

edit: I can't believe my highest rated comment is now this one O.o thanks everyone!


yea, I'm thinking to make it mandatory now, get the number, test if it's correct, dial it after correction, and then wait and smile :)


5 inches... aslong as its thick. hits my g spot perfectly..


Probably because he is attracted to his daughter. Not his fault I guess.


Europe.  In America we just have Rape the Environment Day.


I'm just annoyed that a 14 year old is posting on reddit.  Fuck, this place is already ruined anyway.  What am I complaining about?


Welcome to sex education in America.


A buddy of mine knew some guys who did something similar to this for a senior prank a long time ago..

They got two pigs, labeled them #1 and #3, and released them into the school during the day. The principles spent quite a bit of time looking for the #2 that didn't exist.


People who are named Chad are just born with frosted tips and a shark tooth necklacde. No one actually names their child Chad, it's a plane of existence.


It's dumb because tying your hair to other people's hair is fucking dumb. Even if you're bored, it's dumb.


Highlight of your day is the best part of your day.


Congrats you're getting upvotes faster than RES can count them.

You've got 24 points but RES gives me (16|1).


When he did it in 1994 he wasn't a bad kid. When he tried again in 2007 as a 31 year old man in an apartment full of people, he was an asshole.


Irrelevant an stupid post.


my nipples get smaller too when it gets cold


Oh god. I hate him. So painful to watch


***Left 4 Dead 3 Confirmed***


Well, fatfuck, in well adjusted, normal, thin, and healthy society...running is something you do everyday, something that is very common

Maybe in your internet, couch patato, mcdonalds, buffet, fatfuck world running might be looked down upon

Don't try to belittle normal peoples activities you disgusting fatass


Just like my girlfriends :/


Actually, I think you are.


Fuck you, my balls are tattooed.


Used to happen probably 1 out of every 5 games on Valhalla back in the old days. 'Ite, maybe that statistic is way off, but it was pretty common... I think.

[lel](http://i.imgur.com/oB6Myyo.jpg)


It's called a "tearjerker."


Best comment I have seen all day!


There are reasons that I follow the "I'll get around to playing that, if I hear it's any good" formula of buying games.


She did [http://i.imgur.com/KqZIGsB.jpg](http://i.imgur.com/KqZIGsB.jpg)


No no no. You don't make him pay for the all you can eat lobster, you make him pay for each individual lobster so the price comes out to be a lot more.


An Indian guy was a complete nut job?  No way!

Edit: Wow, this struck an unexpected nerve :/


"Your menu says salmon here?"

"Sorry we just have the chicken now..."

"I bet you never had any salmon to begin with."


I'm so glad this is a thing. It's the only good thing to come out of the Superbowl this year.


I agree. I've been seriously going What the Fuck for a while now over this.

I treasure my penis. It's my little buddy, my little amigo. I mean, i'd almost rather lose my leg than my junk. The fact that I couldn't do something to my leg that is as gruesome as this, speaks volumes in my mind.

Bravo. Bravo indeed.


Jewish solution: Walk away with more money than before the encounter.


Wow, I love the intelligent capitalization and creative use of verbs in your comment. And the punctuation? What a stroke of genius!


Oh good its nearly 10 Courics.


Except ABC is well known to be biased towards Labor. So it's not really a poll to be trusted.


Hey bro, how'd you lose your hand?

Diabetes.

That's not much of an adventure is it? Kind of tragic


Read here. You have some learning to do.

http://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/faq#WhyareAtheistssoangryWhyareAtheistssoopposedtoreligionwhenitsapersonalchoice


You don't think it be like this, but it do.


I used to nicely try to combine things, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


They don't think it be like it is, but it do.


cant tell if your serious or not


Never go full Lincoln


Ignore me cause I word things wrong. On another note who is gonna call a 12 year old a molester >.>


Just a temporary solution on that front..


Fuck the faggots who voted us down, Jesus Fucking Christ how the FUCK DO YOU JUSTIFY DOWN VOTING A FUCKING STUPID-REALISTIC QUESTION

YOU FUCKING RETARDED FUCKS.

FUCK.


Is reason #1 through to #142 "OWWW MY VAGINA!!" ?

If I were are girl that'd be my reason.


Yes we do. Deflategate. Although I think that's far more to do with individuals in the organization and Kravitz, than the actual fans or players.


Holy shit! Even though you're "the bad guy" I was rooting for you. Anyway what happened next?


yeah dem queers are a bunch ov nigger faggots


Nice, punctuation douche bag.


I'm a brony, and I heard that. And you can't buy friendship!

But you can buy cupcakes, and with them you can receive Pinkie Pie for free. She is much better than friendship!


If my girlfriend hooked up with JGL I would be totally okay with that.


Don't be offended then? What is it to you my preference that whomever I date not have a penis?


... it did take two of them to play one baby on Full House - so if we see two of them now, there must be four


America incarcerates more citizens per capita than any other nation.

They ain't exactly the golden standard.


Never again will this gif be used at a better moment.


I used to vaguely characterize the odds, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


h l 3 c
Half-Life 3 CANCELLED


Obviously you've never smoked pot before. I've smoked weed on my ride home from work everyday since I remember, and in no way does weed impair people driving. I would NEVER drive after drinking but weed is completely different.


OP doesn't seem to have an embarrassing post history, so he should be fine as long as he doesn't get caught constantly lurking /r/spacedicks at work.


He literally just used it in that comment you daft cunt

Edit. DOWNVOTES? Read it again you total pies


This sounded like i needed to be made into a comic...

So I started to:

http://drawingduality.imgur.com/virus_comic

(white dogs = antivirus pack, speaker will appear in next comic)

EDIT: COMIC UPDATED. THREAD HERE:

http://www.reddit.com/r/geek/comments/f0jfb/armed_with_minimal_tools_i_go_in_search_of_my/


You get this was a troll post right?
It's ALL the champions.


Is that because you're very accepting of the fact that you're tiny?


I don't understand why these fake school scenarios seem to get loved so much, even if they were real.

"SOME RANDOM ASIAN KID KICKS THE WRONG GUY AND FALLS OVER? 1500 FUCKING LINK KARMA BITCH"


Double standards is the word.  If I'm not mistaken they were also reciting a prayer to Maria, a woman.  Women had it bad for thousands of years (still do in many areas) but it doesn't justify assaulting men who are innocent.  It's that old saying something like the "sins of my father are not my own"


many upvotes? Your history does not check out and since you often dont add to discussion, i agree with that.

> It's like being a Republican.
Bwahahah shots furd

> Actually I'm not American but okay lol

> Well my boat doesn't plan on taking a trip to the land of the free because of the oil, but you know.


Only because they never shutup long enough to build up pressure.


Some of us have jobs, girlfriends, family, and beautifully sunny days to enjoy :P

Although usually I'll put leveling over the gf.

EDIT: why all the downvotes?


Poignant question from LickMyAsshole


Your comments are bad, and you should feel bad. Downvote.


I have a friend whom I caught wearing fake glasses - the odd part being that he actually needs glasses but doesn't wear them. I needed to sit down for a while after that...


Wanna take a guess on what site is in the browser tab next to reddit?


except for those who are allergic to vaccines/otherwise unable to be vaccinated for health reasons

an important caveat


You're getting downvoted, but not knowing this is as stupid as dropping a sheet of paper the wide way and expecting it to fall straight down.


That two-timing skank...


It's not illegal according to the room full of lawyers and the 100s of kids who have gone through the program and enjoyed it.

If you think it is illegal, don't apply.


Maybe you smell like hot lady ostrich


How's about ya don't click the link then ya won't have nothin to complain about.


At least for me, it gets hypersensitive and can hurt after a few orgasms.


MY MOMMMY SAYD DAT DA WEDDITORS PUT ON DA COSTUMES CAWSE DEY ASHAMED OF DER WEAL LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I went out and found the research for you. It comes from a study wherein... hey, wait a minute.


> has to turn these folks away all the time

sure he does


Yeah, it's especially bad in every romantic comedy movie ever. Almost every single one has a moment of these as its climax and it's so annoying.


I do a lot of that, just find ways to kill pussies in passive mode.


It is not just any old horse jizz.  It is love load from specific genetic line. For example all thoroughbred horses are descendents of a few specially bred horses.  If a horse wins any sort of championship the price goes way up. I haven't shopped for horse cum lately, but I would assume Kentucky Derby winner sperm is in the millions.


Shouldn't you be over at canv.as with the rest of your kind?


Unless you believe in The Almighty Atheismo.


>former Marine

...Call of Duty doesn't count. No Marine would call themselves a "former Marine."


The dog has resumed barking.  From the sound we are speculating it could be a smaller dog. It could also be a larger dog. It could be a smaller dog that will grow to be a larger dog.


Is it so hard to type /r/cringepics? Why do people always forget the first /? It really grinds my gears.


It's all fun and games until someone loses a torso.


The key here is that those muggers are not attacking their male victims *because they are men*. The women are being attacked *because they are women*. Thus the attacks have a gendered nature in the case of the latter and not the former.

Therefore, while we could debate the first word of the phrase "war on women" as hyperbolic, the latter prepositional phrase seems to be perfectly logical.


We have to work out a legal issue with Fox on the first film, but assuming that goes well, we're ready.  We wrote the script and they like the script.  It will be a wild one.  We cannot wait to grow mustaches again.


next time, refer him to http://google.com

stop enabling lazy behavior which clogs the comment section with pointless drivel


"You see son it's simple... Your mother is a whore."


Fuck you.  I don't believe men check that the seat is down at all.  Why would they?  Falling in is not a concern of most dudes.  In fact, I am going to start lifting the lid just to fuck with guys, because I know you don't fucking look.


You should have had the caterer make the toast. That's what you pay them for.


well, considering my family works for free for the NHS and have saved lives and trained many people and has paid toward it then have had to go private twice to get life saving treatment, i should think i'm well placed to call the NHS parasitic.

so instead of swearing at me you can keep your fucking closed-minded opinions to yourself.


**AND MY S...** oh... YOU SON OF A BITCH!


nope.  Just because you choose to be offended and take it that way, don't expect me to force myself to accommodate you


oh my god gross. I never thought of it this way.


Definitely could not be an Asian dude rubbing his sleeping girlfriends legs. Definitely not. Wtf indeed.


PC Master Race checking in.

How are all the lowly console mongrels doing today? just kidding, I don't care.


Nope, but it gets mentioned a lot.


Dare you to do it at the end of sex.


For the record you aren't wrong. This sub is just incredibly butthurt


Its not that hard.  I was high everyday for months when i was in jail for weed.

"corrections" my ass. Jail/prison dosnt correct anything. It just makes criminals into better criminals.

Edit: I even had a nintendo 64 in jail. Every morning after breakfast i would smoke a bowl and play Ocarina of Time stoned off my ass for hours.


Shitty service? Not really. They cost more for a reason.


This is it. It's not that you're not going anywhere. It's that you're not going anywhere exciting according to her.

It doesn't mean you have to change, you just have to find someone who wants the same things you do which is probably that is more traditional and family values oriented.


No photos of the offenders?

My money says the offenders were retard Blacks or Hispanics.
Big mystery why photos of minorities who make up majority of criminals are never included in articles.


I'm gettin' really pissed off over here!  (At the husband.)


I've tagged you as "hates black people"


Typical white privilege.


36 people thought it said "Dis-i-like" amirite?!?!

Edit: You can downvote harder than this... I have plenty of comment karma to sustain me!


You just fucked yourself an upvote.


It's a shit joke anyway


It kind of does when it happens to be a scam. Its not a religion(inb4 "religion is a scam", shut up) or something like that.


> Let it be known that the female prosecutor was engaged, married, and took a honeymoon while she was "working" on this case.

Is she not allowed to have a life outside of her job? While she may not have prosecuted the case correctly, I don't see what her personal life has to do with it.


free armor trimming, follow me to wild. I just want the experience points.


Oh my god, a psychologist would flip out over this, achieving one's subconscious oedipal desires at only 5 years old and all.


It was the cat guy, wasn't it?


I think I'm the only one who gets that...


Yep! Small world indeed


you, my friend, are the reason reddit sucks. the worst part is that it will work, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

edit* not bad, -19. lets see how far reddit can circlejerk this down.


Mecca Mecca Mecca Mecca Mecca, HAJJ!


My dong is never wrong, except when I'm dead, then he's just being selfish. Death erections are the worst, I could get raped and not even enjoy it.


They were literally tearing open the young women and removing their entrails?


Who cares about hearing some guy get mad at a game? Does this not happen regularly in your household?

Edit: thanks for the down votes fuckers!  A new record!


Sir are you *drinking*?

"Yeah, trying to make this climate of ugly bitches change *am I right*?


I've been listening to Tycho recently. Dive is my favorite album do far. This music is not popular amongst my non white friends.


She has a higher libido than I do, so it's pretty great heh.


STFU its people not reading through pages which causes them to be so clusterfucked.


My favorite part about this is that all sounds incredibly difficult to me, almost prohibitively so, and you come out with, "none of it seems to be insurmountable."

THAT is the fucking spirit.


Kid thinks the wars are about defending our country.  How cute.


Don't make her lunch or play with her tomorrow, she'll eventually learn how many skills you have.

"Dad, I'm hungry, make me noodles."

"Can't, that takes skills, and we all know Daddy has no skills."


Considering I'm not the one making threads complaining about other people, I'd say the unhappy/unfulfilled one here is you guys.


So, you're saying... We kill George R.R. Martin?


I really wish there was a separate reddit called r/fakeIAMAs, for the few folks like you that enjoy fake IAMAs.


If you got that for free, it would be a steel.


Can we get this one to -69?


Horny, chess-playing guitarists, apparently.


If they made the price of the app $8, then maybe.  The problem is their poor communication with customers. It feels like bait and switch. I have paid way more than $8 for an app, but the vendor was up front about the cost.


I've listened to a lot of interviews where other politicians refer to the potus as a suckers Job. He really doesn't have as much control as people think and he takes the blame for everything that everyone else fucks up.


Yep.  Here's another, and another upvote for the upvoter!


Texan here. My 9th grade geography teacher referred to Kim-Jong-Il as "Kim Jong the 2nd".


I dont really care i just the link to the episode or even what episode it is and i will phrase it how ever i want thank you very much
Now fuck off pl0x?


Somehow I think the percentage is higher than that.


Fucking nazi, go back to TL, this is turning into /r/nazicraft.


She was a redditor's girlfriend. Probably not.


Sorry, french women are beautiful compared to american women.

Hell.. compared to most women even.

Edit: Either Reddit doesn't have a lot of wine drinkers, or they are taking my post literally. I, too, was talking about wine.


my suicide plan would be to walk around with a loaded gun, and wait for an extremely minor setback, and then scream out and shoot myself over it.  So, for example, I'm at subway and I get my sub, and then I just scream out "What the fuck bitch oh my fucking god i said no fucking mustard" and then blow my head off in front of her


I'm not sure if you know, but there is a little button just to the left of your "A" key on your keyboard...


I'll call a black meeting and see what I can arrange.


Pandering to 12 year olds?


Everyone pisses in the shower. Don't deny it.


Why did this sub turn into a shitfest with stupid memes/jokes which are not even funny? Is it due to the influx of many Lol players who escaped the paths of their dictator Riot? And who are also intoxinated with Riots idea of "toxic"? Reading this sub feels like reading the lol sub where the comments are really low quality and bad jokes. Luckily, /r/DotA2 and /r/tf2 are fine


if grrm wrote harry potter we would have spent the last 5 years waiting for book 4


Every one on the planet has an accent.


You have posted 6 full pages of comments today and you're still going. It looks like you've been on reddit literally all day, how the hell do you manage that? I'm genuinely interested.


Your friend is correct. Tipping is only optional.


There is speculation that this is how scientology keeps him in Line


Hopefully not as fat as you.

Porky

Go eat some fucking cupcakes


You took a swing at a 20 year old when you were 13?? Did you really think that would end well?


Thats what I thought and was going to comment, there are no original thoughts anymore.


The handy man was totally hooking you up.


I think the experience would probably be somewhat watered down.


Get 'em what? A job?

*laughs uproariously *


To be fair, it's not like a feature people paid for.


So Crichton assumed that his lecturer didn't even read his work before grading it?


Witcher is a piece of shit that wasn't even optimized, a piece of crap. Shitty fuck silly gay game that looks like Mario and rapes CPU more than fucking Crysis on 16aa. Fucking polish people and their garbage shit gays.


That's what they said in Salem.


Of course it does. But it just settings in a game and nothing related specifically to PS4. I should just post a video of me playing the first GTA mission on 360 to this sub and claim it is related to PS4 because you can play it on PS4. I'll submit a post on how to play a game on a Sega Dreamcast because it works on PS4 too.


alcoholism is very bad, life expectancy for men is terrible. women used to be economically disadvantaged - to get ahead in life you need a man. so women were treated like cattle - any blemish (old (over 20) age, former marriage, etc)  and your value as a mate deteriorates.


Wow that guy's so ugly his life and liver took a look at his mug and said bye bye see you ugly ass mfucker and killed him


Thank you sir.  I wish you and your normal penis a wonderful and happy life.


That's cute.  If I were him I'd tie a purposeful exploit into the code and hold the god damned world hostage until people coughed up a shit ton of money.


Hey, come on. Jesus is a peaceful dude. Most likely he'd just find a family to live with and be done with it. He wouldn't let all the attention get to his head.


No, it's easier than that. Watch this.

**GIVE ME KARMA**


Oh. You need to work on your puntuation my friend. Unfortunately the topic of my penis is far too interesting for this particular subreddit. Ask me again on r/thingsthatarelegendary.


Sometimes hot chick wants to bang you and she's married = fuck it lets go

In my case, however, the sex was not worth the crazy.


<MythBusters>

**[PLAUSIBLE]**

</MythBusters>


Except Steve Smith was still pretty good before he was let go. Andre Johnson was a below average WR last season (Especially when compared to DeAndre).


>I see cats have ~~become extinct~~ finished their experiments upon humankind and returned to their own planet.


The term "mind", implying a brain, being used loosely in this context.


>I went through a period...

&#3232;\_&#3232;

bad place for an open paren


Sorry, I'm sure 99% of the time you are a decent human being, but this was one case where you pushed someone too far, they retaliated and you took the low road.


As a fatty, I eat all your pains.


I can confirm that this post is spam. It will be downvoted and i suggest other users to do the same. The comment is racist and is linking to porn sites that involve scat porn.

Did i get this right?

Please upvote me so i am able to continue to monitor this great site and help eliminate spam and offensive posts.


Or "Yeah, you look weird too, pal!"


I better hope he speaks German then. Would be pretty embarrassing if he doesn't even understand what he identifies himself with.


I wish I didn't read that.


I used to like steam because I though it made it easier even though I never log on now, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


No. That's not bad enough.

Adam Sandler plays ***EVERYONE***

Including the scenery and set pieces.


I think I need a tl;dr of this post...

I am losing quite a bit of karma for this joke.


She often has nightmares, dear...


>we're not inherently smarter

Uhh, yes we are.  Atheism is based in science, logic and reason.  Things that religious people don't understand.


"WHO THE FUCK IS S.O.!? ARE THOSE HER INITIALS YOU CHEATING PIECE OF SHIT?"


To make it seem like the console game looks bad since its hard to tell the difference otherwise.


Snuggling up against another warm body naked is even better!


Right, how about instead of just copying everything they're saying and filling the screen up with c/p'd text, you tell people to just look at [Mike Chiappetta](https://twitter.com/#!/MikeChiappetta) and [Ariel Helwani's](https://twitter.com/#!/arielhelwani) twitter feed.


Homeschooling has the potential to really mess kids up socially.

Edit: For those downvoting me and upvoting kindpastor, please see my reply to his "study." The paper is a complete joke. The study included 23 kids, 7 of which were home schooled. It's a joke.


Just don't flip her over. Might be the most disappointing 4 minutes of YOUR life.

~~ScarJo~~ [CelluliteJo](http://i.imgur.com/31tRA.jpg)


My daddy is John *[last name censored]* and he gives me shoulder rides and he plays with me and he works and he helps me whenever I'm sick and um, uh, he loves me and I love him and that's all.


An unfortunate side effect of liberals taxing the living hell out of poor people that smoke cigarettes. It consumes 25% of their total income.


Don't worry, I'll talk to him honey.


I did this too except I fucked her first then when she asked for a copy of my final I told her "sorry my major is math not comp-sci".


Just got sucked into watching loads of their videos, they are all great. liked this moment in particular https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibl6SHbq8sY#t=257 , sweet justice.


Do you think injecting needles into your arm to deliver a genetically modified virus into your bloodstream is abusive?


"Will" who cracks jokes, being cool, gets into a confrontation whilst playing ball, gets sent "to live with his aunt and uncle in California"? Did you grow up in Philadelphia, by any chance?

*Edit* Just read "That day flipped my life, turned it upside-down" - I fed the troll :(


No one posted this in the other thread. I just didn't think to post it in there and I like it when there are threads of similar topics right next to each other in a subreddit so deal with it.


I once heard a vietnam vet say, "I knew I was going to get drafted, so I joined the air force, so I wouldn't get stuck on a hill with a gun. They stuck me on a hill with a radio, and no gun."


haha really? skyrim is a shitty game that got released before it was ready. At least mw3 is fun.

Common guys you can hit 100 downvotes I believe in you!


I thought the best response was making a passive-aggressive meme about it.


You cry a lot don't you?

* Cashier asks you, "Cash or credit?" - start tearing up

* watch a horror film - start tearing up

* Breeze blows in - start tearing up


If it weren't for several required meetings I have during the week, and a wife that has a "normal" schedule, I'd probably do this as well. I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing.


I don't see where he said it was his.

EDIT: Last time I give someone the benefit of the doubt :/


Bring more briefcases than you need. At least 7 more than necessary.


Was expecting "your mom".

Richard, I am disappoint.


Wait.  That doesn't make any sense.  When did he shoot your dog?


Well... in the 60s the white guy who beat up a black guy went to jail... Today when a white guy kills a black guy he walks... Damn, the good old 60s.


Yeah, but I would have to train them and feed them, etc. Where am I gonna get the money for that?


So if you 'ftfm' by telling me to say leave then I would be telling you to leave which makes no sense, considering it's your thread and i'm the one inputting on it.


> they have to turn on the air for you to inflate your tires if you ask. No need to put quarters in the machine!

This is the law here too. The response has always been "we don't have a switch for the air pump" or "sorry, it's broken."


I uh dropped it... The worst part is that it isnt even my latop my school gave/lent everyone in my year a laptop and well i dont think they will be too happy about it..


Since deaf people can't hear the tone of your voice they use facial expressions instead. I've been told that someone signing without expression is the equivalent to someone speaking in a dry, monotone voice.


disgusting how our public education glorifies self mutilation via the curriculm of most "progressive" art departments. i for one am a little tired of the violent things that these people feel the need to tell kids.

edit:

we need to keep violence out of the curriculum. its atrocious that art snobs glorify the stupid depraved act that van goo did


I heard that motherfucker had like, 30 god damn dicks.


not likely. a year is almost 8800 hours. next time do the math before writing or keep being a moron i dont care.


Stop holding gases to ideal standards.


I used to post in babytalk, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


yep. I got pokemon banned from my school. Apparently "pocket monsters" had something to do with Satan.
I successfully ran a black market for them on the playground. FUCK THE RELIGION POLICE


How many Palestinian civilians did Israeli terrorists kill today?

How many Churches or Mosques were fire bombed?

How many children were shot by the IDF already this year.


Christ. Every bad gift I ever got my parents was proudly worn or displayed for at least a month when I was little.  Including the flamingo necktie I got my dad when I was 6.

I guess you just take things for granted   I'm going to thank them
Tonight....


Dude stop pushing your agenda. This is just plain gross and I shouldn't have to see it. I thought the op was making some kind of joke. Dudes kissing each other publicly like this is exactly why gay people get the shit they do.


They probably lied about it because they're afraid of any copycat incidents. Not saying it's right (or wrong) to lie to the students, but they might have a well intentioned reason to keep the truth from the students.


Which one will shout "He's a [n-word]******" to black people?


You had me at ++++++++++[>+++++++>++++++++++>+++>+<<<<-]>++.>+.+++++++..+++.>++.<<+++++++++++++++.>.+++.------.--------.>+.>.


You should read his history. He was absolutely NOT a warlord.


Yes. They're usually the biggest spenders.


I don't get why people give a fuck.


"Doctor, the patient is going into cardiac arrest!"

"Fuck off! I'm playing my Wii!"

Fox news runs a story on how gaming kills.


Basically any reply calling him a snitch or something to that effect is trying to state that they would have in the same situation not done it. Also it was a joke deal with it.


In fairness this is a pretty ridiculous sounding word to a native speaker too. Like hullabaloo


>He's like a high school-senior.

ftfy


But a $100 credit card can feed you for a week, unlike a gender studies degree.


I'm a mother of 20 or 30 7 year old autistic boys and would like some upvotes as well please.


I feel like he's not legitimately driving tanks for the army, just somehow acquired a tank he does donuts in at weekends.


Lol, I have never noticed that, you just made my day, right now, I am LMAO IRL


After I read "Sonic Hedgehog Gene" I looked up to see if this was a novelty account. I Googled it and it's a real thing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonic_hedgehog

TIL


Sort by new and you'll see

I apologize for not answering the question.  There were about 7 posts referring to StorySync's math being off within 10 mins of each other.  4 of which were submitted right after one another.  At the time I posted this, he would've been able to see for himself what I was talking about.  Did this really warrant a torrent of downvotes?


/r/TheyMathedTheDid ?


She tries her hardest for Obama; I'll give her that.


There is a long standing conspiracy that he was castrated as a child by his father to keep his voice high. His entire marriage and fathering of a child were an elaborate sham dissuade the public.


No need, 'they' as in Sweden did a 'great job' in giving this moron access to the national account, and the donkey i replied to, disagrees with the OP's statement of choosing poorly. Tell me how i'm reading that wrong...

EDIT: "I could be wrong"...are you reading that incorrectly?...


OMG you are blushing.  Look at how red you're getting.  You're so embarrassed.  Grow the fuck up douche.


You obviously aren't a cat owner. My cats freak the hell out when I push them off the couch or slide them along our floorboards (-: Don't even get me started on describing the way they spazm when you throw them really high (bonus points when you flip them) (-:


I think OP is just being obtuse

I guess it could appear so from your angle

I agree OP is a square

This thread has become a circle-jerk

Circle-jerk? Is this the karma-train -more like karma *rhombus*?

/r/trianglejerk amiriteguise?

"Ron Paul would legalize triangles" -Carl Sagan

**I JUST SAVED YOU TIME AND FINISHED THE THREAD**


**HA!** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


I know right? I didn't expect to be masturbating so early in the thread.


Not woosh. Dry English sarcasm. *woosh* for you my friend. WOOSH FOR YOU.


Well, now that Reddit is up you're going to have to put in your 2 weeks notice.


how about this, if you can't afford contraceptives, don't have sex.  or is that too difficult for you to understand? we shouldn't have higher taxes for people who want to fuck all day long in college.


they are only artificial in the imagination. these are true diamonds, made under heat and pressure, more perfect and pure than anything dug out of the ground for less money and without exploiting children and slave laborers. it is win win win win win win win.


yup, anything we dont agree with should be made illegal. and then we should take those kids away from the parents and neuter them so they cant breed.

forget that free speech hogwash. that is for dead white people from ancient history.

remember, someone out there thinks the same thing about your love for weed, or video games or fapping.


Because this pic is made up bullshit.


My friend used to spill popcorn on the ground and then do this.

The dog seemed ok with it.


My clicking finger is getting sore from all the downvoting. This played out joke was never funny.


I'd like to emphasize to testify truthfully about what *you* saw. Don't draw inferences from what everyone else saw and said. Stick to only what you personally witnessed.


That's pretty funny coming from a guy that flat out refuses to look at legalising drugs despite all the facts.


This is the saddest response in this thread.


Well, with a comment like that, you certainly don't learn something everyday cunt &#3232;\_&#3232;


Til that autistic people have weather manipulation powers


YOU'RE SO CLEVER, YOU'RE FUNNIER THAN MOST HUMAN BEING


> I haven't learned Flash yet

Don't bother. That train sailed years ago.


I love how the atheists are all 'HAHAHAHA YOUR BABYS DEAD  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOLWUT?! LMFAO LOL LOOK AT THE DEAD BABY HAHAHAHA LETS GO KILL MORE BABIES BY ABORTION YAY!!! LETS RIP OUT ITS EYES AND FUCK THE ITS BRAIN!! YAY!! WE HATE LIFE LOL YAY!!!!!'.

Fucking gay atheist trash.  How can you hate life?


"WHY ARE ALL OF THESE CHILDREN STARING AT ME ALL DAY I JUST LIKE TO TALK ABOUT ENGLISH AND MATHS AND THINGS WHERE AM I"


Why do you care? Do you know them personally?


Wow. You have a great mom. I feel sorry she had to deal with something like that.


Please, help out the ones in need. Let me have a downvote!


"When I was about 7 or 8 years old.."

OH GOD.


> "There are two alternatives, they spend a lot of money sending out photographers to do it or they take the pictures without permission. This seems totally reasonable."

/u/BookmarkSaver


I think he's dead already


if you watch the video and see the clip of that poor dog shaking.  thats proof enough of the abuse that poor dog suffered. its just horrible and anyone who hurts an animal like that needs to be locked up now! the footage starts at 15:45 not sure how to be fancy and make it start at that point on youtube


It is mostly guilt. The idea of being the guy who only talks to you because he wants something is repulsive, but you need something from someone and so you try to insert it into a conversation so it sounds less leachy.


absoltely fucking not. tired of the libtards trying to jump the line. you fucking wait in line like everyone else. besides obamacare should take care of your shit right? go to cuba if you want good healthcare. say bye bye to your freedoms too.


I'm glad I bought mine during the 90's boom when everything was better and came cheaper.


>plays every single game like his life is on the line

That's a polite way of saying that he is the least skilled of the 3


I love those movies just for how spot on the casting was. I think each character is just perfect.


wow, that's pretty messed up


Every single guy expecting to come on this thread and read about nipples and masturbating techniques has been given their due comeuppance. For that, I salute you.


Well the problem is the other way around. Lets say I want to find an 8-bit minecraft texture pack. Well I never found one after filtering through hundreds of texture packs with nothing more than bigger pixels than normal.


You speak French and you're afraid of talking to girls?


http://i.imgur.com/HbmFu.png

___

^[About](http://www.reddit.com/r/Top_Comment_Judge/comments/xdmt6/why_i_do_what_i_do/)


That was a one sentence roller coaster ride of emotions.


"No, that shits gay."

Please don't use such offensive language. I don't care what you write after it to try to sound chilled out. I am gay and I don't like my sexuality being associated with stuff that is shitty.

Would I even be welcome in your bar?


as a girl i WISH i could stop this. i spend a few mintues cleaning hair in my bathroom every day. i know its gross!


>Brainwashed americans

FTFY


I make that face pretty much anytime i go to drink something and its different then what I expected. Even if I were to pick up a glass of soda, take a sip, then realize its water I'd still be grossed out the initial few seconds.


I think that it's that the quadratic formula in the picture isn't correct. It should say -4ac instead in -4ab.


We exchange contact info. For insurance reasons. He was a little shaken up but I'm sure he's fine.


Nah, you can keep it. It's just that now...it's even lazier!


*Introducing iPhone 5*


the only forested area i go through daily is your mothers hairy bush, and instruct that cunt to shave her shit (tell her i said hi too)


It is probably the reason you become Hitler-like. Someone tell you can do it, you shoot for the stars. And in the future you might just actually shoot them.


even worse. he/she made this user name for this purpose.


IF Mila Kunis drinks Jim Beam I would be very surprised, I've known homeless people who turn down Jim Beam.

Edit: Jim Beam Drinkers, I meant no offense and offer this popular [Jim Beam sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/trashy) for your consideration.


"Nothing more terrifying?"

Have you ever been raped and/or abused? I CAN ALREADY TELL YOU HAVEN'T.

Have some fucking sensitivity and stop being so dramatic, jesus


That's the first thing I thought.

What I thought immediately after that:

"Yasuo's ult has a ridiculously short CD."


Start a fake conversation on your cell phone. Pretend you are trying to calm down a hysterical girlfriend who lost her ring in the stall.

Exclaim you found the ring, kick open the bathroom stall, and swagger out like a boss.


Plot twist: male stripper.


> ...and everything

So is [this](http://www.purplepornstars.com/movies/166/1664234/blonde-takes-refreshing-piss-shower-at-gangbang-orgy-/) okay?  NSFW obviously.


For colorblind me, I hate them because when I was in elementary school, they didn't print the goddamn colors on their crayons. I can't even begin to tell you how many people I colored green.


Man, you are way off the path.

it was question, not a criticism. It was asked how she resolves the issue of thanking her God, when he left them when they needed most. Thats all, just a fair question in a AMA


So basically it's how American weeaboos view Japan. Crazy!

Edit: [Definition of 'weeaboo'](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=weeaboo)


Likely you got yours cut so easy there buddy... I assume you are a US male


or how about just laugh at the joke about how poorly made they are


Shoulda powerlifted them out the windows


Feel free to stay there then.


No no no, don't do that. Instead bring her down to the local park, with a lake. Walk up to the docks. Tell her that you know she cheated on you, and take out a (fake) jewelry box. Throw it into the lake. Run away crying.


Lol DAE shaky cam?! Am I late to the circlejerk guise?!


Because if you're moving fast it looks like you're fleeing the crime scene


sounds like she trapped in you, bro.

You might love her but you're her supporter...congrats.


I see this and still proclaim magic


They were born there or at other zoos


But you can't win the game.


I just push for crazy sex (3some, orgy, wild BSDM). If she does it, great. If she freaks and dumps me, great.

edit: totally forgot this came from Seinfeld. Still works, though.


Yeah, you're really hot.  You should hit up r/gonewild or break up with your bf and let me hit that.


Wait. So which girl was his girlfriend?


That's a bit harsh... I think the issue more than anything else is that he doesn't have a segmented work/home like to begin with. I'm OP btw.


Your IAMA is very important to us. Please stand by.


Yes, but she's the one using it, embracing it, mocking it, she's taking away the offensive power of those words. My point is: enjoy your sexuality and let women enjoy theirs equally without looking down on them.


Cox Blocking everywhere!


Nope. You should feel *absolutely free* to do your own research like a big boy, though.


Why not shutting down reddit except for one giant thread about SOPA ?

This way there's still a place to talk about it, and reddit is still taking part in the action.


I edited it because people didn't like it, and I didn't want Amy more downvotes.


Yeah this happened to me! I was so enthusiastic that people thought it was hilarious. For the next several years people would come up and "ask me out" as a joke. Spent my entire time in school believing I would never find a boyfriend and never be loved.


DAE hate republicans????? LOL


Apple owns being gay now.


What the japs did to Americans during WWII was horrible. I hope all those fuckers die of radiation poisoning, and I hope there death is painful and slow.


We also don't know why they're dying.

Bees - We don't got a fucking clue!


That was a brief bio. Sorry you haven't actually looked at Zach's site and noticed the massive 'hey go look at our youtube channel' ads that've been up for 3 years now.


I bet you this story gets swept under the rug by the major news outlets. They only deal in bad apples.


People are downvoting me because I removed a post from "bad luck brian" about a month ago.

But as for the issue about putting "ask me about my latest work," I think it's fine for an OP to try and steer the discussion that way, but no one can control what questions they will get.


People saw it. they just didn't comment.


I don't. A murder suicide is the only way for them to live on together. Eternity together in the afterlife.


Glitter in the clothes dryer is far more devious.  Muuhahahaha


Hell no, Kim k is fake and ugly as fuck http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1233806/thumbs/o-KIM-KARDASHIAN-facebook.jpg


The vet was a real skeezer.  He covered for me, and he wanted to fire me, but he couldn't because he knew that I knew that he was selling steroids to the local high school football team.


Don't worry, I flagged it as pornographic so it will be taken down pretty soon.


Also the animals on Earth evolved to kill humans in the 1,000 years humans were *not on Earth*.


YOUR DAUGHTER IS INSANELY JEALOUS OF MY *DICK*


I respectfully decline to confirm or deny this allegation.


No, I banned him for editing in links into his upvoted comments to his website where he was selling paintings, which is pretty much the definition of spam.

Were I to ban any user with more karma than me, there'd be a lot more users banned (including IAmA mods like Drunken_Economist...). Why would I bother with shitty watercolor alone?


I don't deliver and most LC's don't deliver, but they used to. I think it is just easier to have a lower priced pizza for pickup. Let the other places fight over the delivery crowd and pay all that extra insurance for the liability of having some kid cruising around town to deliver a pizza in 30 minutes or less.


Your comment made me laugh fart too hard.


I had a friend in elementary school who was always weird when it came time to go home.

Years later I found out he didn't want to go home because his parents would force their problems on him even though he was 10.  Like, not only their divorce but also theyd yell at him for money problems.  Basically he was their verbal punching bag.

Felt bad for him ever since I found out.


you two should look him up and suck his cock in gratitude.


Nice try, Goldfinger.


####DAE LE THIS!

Downvoted.


I live in Australia.  You don't even know.


Please don't give advice when you don't actually know what your talking about. Not only does she not reveal her weight but she looks perfectly healthy for her size. You are doing a disservice to the hardworking people of this thread. Great job Maddy, keep up the good work!


Ugh [Fine](http://imgur.com/BxEZy) (NSFW)


Ever actually talked to a girl about sex. They're just as confused as we are. They DO NOT know what they want. They WILL back out for evoloutionary reasons.. every.. single.. time, and in the same vain MALES will put pressure on them to do it.. FOR EVOLOUTIONARY REASONS every.. single time..

It's just how the game is played.


I hate people too. I'm a walrus.


Call em whatever you want bud but that doesn't make them untrue :)

Have fun choking again next year.


I'm glad you guys have access to all of my money.


...and why do I care about one loser with one vote?  get over yourself and F- off.  you don't matter here.


If I give you an upvote, it will make you happy. And that will make your brother happy, as a thanks to him for making you happy which led to your comment which made me happy.


fuck EVE spamming my youtube videos with their adds


yeah, dude! kraft singles are pretty tasty, but the other day I ate some of  that nacho stuff that comes in a jar... WHAAAT! THAT SHIT WAS RIGHTEOUS! next up: that cheese that comes in sprayable form, that stuff seems pretty wild.


>She should be playing for the Italian national soccer team.

FTFY


Unless she is masturbating, in which case, **WALK IN ON HER WITH A RAGING BONER!**


Vitaligo does not mean mix...


Presumably because the sailors wanted to get money.


You could just go and play the best game in the world... League Of Legends


What the fuck do you mean "you people"?


>Endless Summer

>4chan

Just no.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Endless_Summer

Movie, made in 1966.


I've never heard anybody call a vagina that.


why is the make of the gun important?


It's weird realizing that there are only two possible ways for a relationship to end.

(1) One person breaks up with the other. (2) One person dies.


Yeah that one Ohio State grad is representative of all half million (plus) of us! What a douche! /s

Edit: [Serve em up, I'll take em like a man](http://i.imgur.com/Kxiin.gif) ;)


I was at Goodwill looking for old games and I had my kids with me.

The youngest saw a VHS and asked what it was.  I told him it was a movie.

He asked how they were played and I told him that you use the VCR we have in the basement (next to my MST3K collection).

He bought the first Pokemon movie for 73 cents.


Also adding: Stop beeing so beta. You are a fucking man, act like it.


You can cancel anytime you like but you can never leave.


:D:D:D xDxDxD well meme'd fellow redditarre


You know you can just say 'computer' right?


Then upvote the post and downvote the comments you don't like. A lot of my comments have upvotes man so whatevs


Google agrees. They're considering a major investment in his company SpaceX. The only downside is you'll need a Google+ account to travel to Mars.


It's a rage comic about talking with parents and the conversation involves a controversial topic. In US this is as atheist as it could possibly be.


You have to leave your house first.


Seriously?

It's a fucking neckbeard, just like all you forever alone 400lb fatass redditors have. Why don't you ever get some fucking social skills?


Because I killed them all off. - Shaq


It's not so much that it's wrong, it's that there's a right way and a wrong way to do it, and left unchecked oil companies might do it the wrong way.


He could have walked out with a cup of tea in his hand


You fucking idiot.

edit:

niggers have big lips


OH GOD. GET THOSE IMAGES OUT OF MY HEAD NOW. EW EW EW. THINKING OF MY PARENTS HAVING SEX IS NASTY.

I like to believe I just existed one day. There was no sex involved.


She used to mod antisrs, actually.


Im blown away by the story, but Imjewish, should I leave?


You are a good dad for supporting his interests.  Magic is a good game, and is very social on top of being a mind workout.

Btw, if you get him a dirt bike he might actually like it.  Maybe he thought asking for Magic cards was more realistic?


this guy works at ccbill everybody


Maybe she's born with clit.


No, but seeing them does remind you why democracy is a bad idea. Letting idiots vote is just asking for trouble, especially when you let them organize.