That's pretty rough man. Would you be willing to say that to her face? She's a really stupid, irresponsible human, but a human nonetheless.


Speaking one thing and signing a completely different thing at the same time?  That's talent!


Because reddit barely works 80% of the time.  I want them to bring in some competent administrators.  Make the site work and I'll be your biggest supporter.

Also, devise some sort of filtering system to filter out anybody with less that a 120 IQ.  The quality of the articles and discussion on the site has really gone to shit.


I might do this as an intro...


It just happened to crack like that. We were having breakfast together. I know it's hard to believe!! Her roommate got very excited, so I thought it was worth posting here.


Volunteer work has never been creepier.


You're assuming she went to middle school - she could have skipped it.


Remember the name of the black guy on the Jetsons? No? Isn't the future great? But seriously, you know why there weren't any black people on the Flintstones? They were all still monkeys back then!

I'll show myself out.


I didn't know it's been submitted before you tard. I tried it, it worked, I posted. Now get out.


Your dad sounds like a fucking badass that makes up for his computer skills


Yea and then there are the DS games.


So it is filled with grape jelly? Spread that shit on some toast.


DAMN YOU BOWEL CANCER!!!

┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻


You're a saint. People like you have made a profound difference in my life and I'm I'm not the only one.


...but zach braff is a pussy... who beats up a kid as an adult?


Thank god I wasn't the only person that thought she was dead.


Ok, I know Fizz is strong but that's a bit of a stretch. Obviously I know you're being sarcastic, but there are plenty of counter play opportunities against the fish. It's all about positioning vs. Fizz.

Edit: Fizz h8ers and cry babies, keep the downvotes coming! You're losing to fizz most likely because you're bad at this game. Truth hurts.

Edit2: Keep em coming, ladies


I wasn't going to tag you until you said it, Bridge Fucker.


>This is a blood sacrifice by the UK to keep the USA happy

As a price for helping UK win against Hitler.


I dunno... nobody ever wants to hear about that time when I masturbated 175 times in one day,


>Are you trying to discourage your subreddit from gaining a somewhat positive appearance?

Amongst redditors?  If reddit starts to like us then we're doing something wrong.  You really have very little idea what we're about.

You can appeal your ban in modmail, good luck with your strategy of crying about "mod abuse."


In their eyes, time never stopped either. This get's all kinds of fucked up no matter how you look at it.


Umm.. I've just met you, and this might sound creepy, but...

Have you tried using the big crayola crayon as a dildo?

EDIT: Downvote all you want, but I demand an answer! \o/


That's so fucking meta.


then you don't have insomnia, you were just a lazy PoS


If I have to explain it to comic book readers, then all hope is lost.


Friggin hippies.  I'll keep saying "cut down" in reference to trees thank you very much.


You arent gay, you are bi. Im bi myself, you *are* speaking from a position of privilege. It is easier to be bi in the real world than it is to be gay.


I remember watching an old bond movie and noticing how quiet some of the fight scenes are. No intense music, no cheesy sound effects, just grunts and scuffling. Probably more realistic but it was off-putting in comparison


You finished the sentence to your comment? I thought you


*I swear I don't know how that got up there*


Your "freedom of expression" is hurting my friend.


I'm not a web designer, I don't care if there is an iframe or not.

Again, I have no issue with the site.  Learn what the downvote button is for please.

Your opinion, also valid, not downvoted by me because reddiquette and discussion.


While I also rarely (if ever) have GI upset from Taco Bell, many people can become upset from things other than infection.  High levels of fats and oils, for instance, can cause loose stool for some people.


You must be male.

EDIT: Hot damn.  This is what I get for being way too general and vague.  I've been sentenced to swimming with the diarrhea seals.


Then Muffy sits her martini down and questions if they actually did get new carpet that looks just like the old carpet put in the house.


Late January.

Really wish people would stop fucking leaking.


It's going to look very, very strange seeing his face on my money.


From screwing some people over yourself? I kid, I kid.


I felt dirty just reading that


what if i told you, they are average by american standards and blacks love them


I have a problem with him saying "Mr. Worldwide" but also "Mr. 305".

You can rep your city or you can rep the world, but not both Pitbull.


He so cleary shouldn't blame himself that he should fucking blame himself.


I CAN'T GO TO TACO BELL, I'M ON AN ALL-CARB DIET! GOD, KAREN, YOU ARE *SO* STUPID!


Problem then is that nobody with an Android phone buys apps.

It's like saying, "the US government's medicare made my business concept for selling stupidly expensive insurance to old people obsolete," and then being advised to shop this idea in Europe instead.


I think the other answers downplay the fact that a lot of brilliant people at the top of their game made a masterpiece of a movie.


Aren't they called the Mud-men? Who cares what the exact term is? Who are you Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons? Oh shit, so sorry I didn't know the exact term.

You've probably never seen a vagina in real life.


Mr.Rhino has been wrecking Pelican's wife behind his back


I don't have the search engine optimization background (SEO) to successfully maneuver that mine field. But if some other brave soul wants the "More Karma than the parent comment " achievements, then they're more than welcome to chime in. I'll make different accounts from different internet protocols from them, that's at least 3 guaranteed karma.


&#3232;\_&#3232; Rape with 50% less rape.


I would do neither of those things.


wheelchair celebrities?


> psyched

I didn't think people actually used that word in every day conversation. I always hear it in movies and tv shows, but not once have I ever heard anyone actually use it.


You were a fucked up child


Why? Like they give a shit.


To be honest I was expecting it to be more.


Not actually.  The fingers and feet are horrendous.


Why did this piss me off the most? This pissed me off the most.


It's not like he did it on purpose too...


I second this notion.


hahaahh alright, you guys are funny.com but i kinda think u confused me but at the same time iduno if i want to know, but ty for typing it out

so upright tables means its gametime!?


I don't get carded at 24, but that's because the clerk at the liquor store recognizes me.

*That is a different type of unnerving.*


Because you and people like you keep repeating lies


>I realize I'm not as knowledgeable as you guys

Oh stop it you!


Oh no my internet points!


Yeah but that was just a few bigots and some emotionally outraged moderates jumping in on the band wagon of muslim bashing, hardly enough to paint us all in bad light. They're just a very vocal minority and... hmmm...


why is it these comments are safe while the rest perish?

EDIT: nvm ,immunity over. There is no hope.


Person 1 is just as annoying to person 2 as person 2 is to person 1.


No, it is not a joke. I'm very serious about this.

It's also valid only for overweight people. It slows down the more fit you are and the last 10 lbs are almost impossible to lose.

Also, in my experience it's valid for the 65% fat, 30% protein, 5% carbs ratios.

Any more sugar and you will need to do straight from the 60's calorie counting.


So much, and still no enamel regrowth on my teeth :(


**GOOD!**  You guys pay taxes to a TERRORIST GOVERNMENT.  You **PAID** for your suffering.  And you come to America to beg for help?  Hell no.  You are funding terrorists.  Hope you enjoy the REAL torture that you helped fund.  You're either with us or against us, r@ghed.


I am thoroughly amused that you said shit-tonne instead of shit-ton because metric system.


Well even though you fucked up as his lawyer, you shouldn't feel bad as a human being.  Snitches deserve stitches.

EDIT: 42 meth dealers read this post...


"From YOU, son! I learned it from watching YOU!!"


fucking hell, don't take off that tinfoil coating on your dumb hat just yet

maybe dark souls is a secret mind control plot to give a developer money


That would hurt my head even more. I'd be thinking "Why in the name of Zeus are these people speaking to each other in English with heavy Greek accents, since they all clearly know Greek?"


Yeah, but it's a dry hate.


"When keeping it real goes wrong.."


I used to have Gaben always watching me, but then I took an arrow in the knee!


you really shouldn't do that. people will think youre crazy.


Single mom, 18 years old, in a trailer park in Oklahoma...  You can probably literally throw bucks at her at the local titty bar.


I'd rather have the underinflated football.


Lose. You saw a woman lose two and a half fingers. Do yourself a favor and learn the fucking difference.


I'm also a sleep-seducer, according to my girlfriend. I've gone so far as to become fully cognizant after she's been completely undressed and I've gotten her "ready". It's kind of strange, and I wont lie but it seems kind of rapey. The first couple times I apologized and felt awful, but apparently she says Sleep-Noobity takes no for an answer, so I guess it ain't so bad.


I wouldn't give you the satisfaction.


THIS IS THE BEST QUESTION


I used to somehow managed to make this even creepier, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I'd take that any day over a dad who openly hates everyone his daughter dates.


Dude I was going to say the exact same thing. Sigh. Here come the downvotes. :(


I get that you don't want to get whistled or snapped at, but by no means does it justify tampering with food.


Cool story bro get better internet I live in cannada and I get better then perfect from twitch no issues except ones that are actual issues own3d can't work on my laptop because they thing quality sliders are low priority


I thought it was Magic: The Gathering of Asscracks

[*never forget*](http://imgur.com/a/SjcgE)


How is this getting up votes? That's like responding with "it happened when it happened".


I love when the kids call me Mom. There is no better feeling. One of my sons is very darkskinned from a Domincan Republic heritage. I am Irish, redhaired and freckled. People stare when he hugs me and calls me Mom. Love it!


Yeah. It would be, considering both Israel and the US have been threatening to bomb and even nuke Iran for nearly a decade now.

Burning a few of their embassies would be a relaxing change for them.


I dropped it like a hot potato and sprinted to the bathroom, screaming AWWW HAILLLL NAWWW and leaving small explosions in my wake.


As a Romo supporter, I don't want that. He's arguably had a better year than Rodgers statistically. He's finally got talent around him and he's showing what he can do with it. He has never been known for throwing a lot of picks, because he doesn't throw many. He just throws poorly timed picks.


Cancel! CANCEL!!!! **CANCEL!!!!!!!**


It's supposed to be the host of Cash Cab, and he's hiding his tattoos, and muscles maybe? Anyway, I think this picture is fake (and gay) so don't worry.


thank you for sharing. i respect you and the others in your line of work greatly. thank you.


r/nocontext

Edit: 24 down votes? Keep them coming cunts.


My issue is Google's obsessive stance on collecting as much on you as physically possible. I love Google's services, but I can dictate right now to some extent what they have on me. That all changes if they hold the keys to the internet.


Thank you for writing it out but you need to learn how to spell your Latin American countries buddy.


of course, i get a pile every now and again and ship er back... the PO box is somewhere on my facebook page still i think


^^lets down vote this comment into oblivion!


Yeah .. its not illegal, you just described the WWF

www.worldwildlife.org

even their logo is a panda.


At least she has *you're* number


Catata reunion. Happens every few years.


Funny that *you* of all people say that. Romo is the exact QB every football fan envisions botching kneel down at the end of the game to allow points the other way


When I saw your answer I was like OH. Here I was thinking that it was just for blowing the nose. Naive female thought.


Hilarity. This is not the entire life of a player or a case of pedophilia we're talking about here.


They do recommend evacuation in emergencies.


Let's play a game:  Whoever gives the most upvotes **edit: *to virtualcool***wins?  I already gave TWO!


My reasoning when I was 8 years old or so was that saying "I love hate" and "I hate love" were both equally negative statements, so therefore hate is a stronger word than love.

Then I learned about multiplying positives and negative numbers, and negatives and negatives (as in "I hate hate") and it blew my fucking mind that words work the same way as numbers.


i understand young one...


10/10 DOCTORS AGREE NOSTRIL LIGHT IS GOOD FOR YOU.


Context, jackass. I answered to someone else, not the original question. Do you just walk into conversations and spout off whatever off topic shit is on your mind?

He argued with his ex about shuffle on a computer. Computers can't randomize, he wins the argument and can now explain why he wins the argument, the information I gave him. Fuck, you're dumb.


DOWNVOTED FOR LACK OF CAPATALIZATION AT THE BEGGINING OF YOUR SENTENCE ;-)


Romantic feelings? Nah, I'd much rather find out how many strangers I've walked past who looked at me and thought "I would".


If your argument is that we should have less regulation, then sure. I'm not certain what you're proposing however.


It wasn't easy.....but I turned my phone upside down and still fapped to the BOOBEIS


It's what usually happens when this story gets retold, it always leads to DAE AMERICA BAD? So I'm pre empting it.


If I were a girl, I would take being called a unicorn as a major compliment.


well, you can't expect a rock star/celeb/wtf that writes profanities on his face, sucks his own dick, and wears fake boobs, to not cheat.

edit: well, alright then, i'm sorry, jesus...


It's kanji for "I'm a dumbass who got a tattoo at 15."


Took you about 4 hours to respond again! I wonder where you've gone bro man!


Best tl;dr I have ever read heads down


If you dont get this quote, fuck you.


That's what I'm thinking. I don't get these people who google their porn searches.


These brainwashed Brits might be good at dogmatic repeating of wordplays used to rationalize imperialist crimes but the islands colonists intention to occupy an island does not amount to "self-determination". Nice try..


No, he mentioned Mitt Romney


They hate us cuz they anus.


An Indian queue? Every time in tried to buy a train ticket it was 30 minutes of fighting through a formless blob of elbows and mustaches.


And isn't the human body usually at 98 or so? Science, yo.


'You can't keep snakes in your backyard and expect them to only bite your neighbour' - Hillary Clinton


cool story bro. tell it again


Fresh puppy blood takes it right out.


The comment above demands MOAR UPVOTES.


I love spirited away, but I think Princess Mononoke is Miyazaki's best.


If a woman asks for man's number, that's fine. But if the man doesn't ask for hers back, it's probably not a good sign.

When a guy simply offers his phone number to a woman ("No pressure.") instead of asking for hers, that's just weak.


**Don't do this in Britain!**


Why would women support something so objectifying?


My art teacher also told me that I couldn't paint and that I'd never amount to anything. I took his advice, found my calling, and killed 6 million Jews.


dont listen to this retard. hes been wrong too many times before. hes a fucking idiot who is probably unemployed because hes on reddit all the time


I was just thinking this. My parents have a vegetable garden that I've helped with, so I'mqqualified.


Controller?

Edit: Keep the downvotes coming, console fags.


That's not cheapness, just management stupidity.


>It's a dick move to go into someone else's clubhouse uninvited and tell them how shitty their clubhouse is and also they're all idiots.

What's wrong with constructive critique?


>I heard a text message,checked it,went to the PC and went on reddit.

I could use a girlfriend like you. We would barely speak, but we could tell everyone we were dating someone.


You've found the hidden meaning.


We take them for granite.


You are assuming the meeting is not with the NSA.


I can just imagine being someone watching this where you're just standing there with a cup of water then for no discernible reason flip it up side down.


Why doesn't this have more upvotes?!?!!?!?


The way he says *I want to fuck you up the ass*


Sarcasm just flew over and shat on all your stupid fucking heads.


The community knows I have Ebola and by showing the document I can show that I'm cured so they know I went through the treatment.


It's funny because nobody really thinks of it as beastiality...

Edit #1: And it's **gay beastiality** too!


The alarm to evacuate is the same as the one to stay in place? Was it the Aladeen alarm?


Shit.

God dammit this would be hilarious if I replied to the right comment


She probably thought sharpie was stronger than tattoo. It is a permanent marker after all


They're public school teachers. They do what the cop tells them without question and have no actual knowledge of guns. It's intentional ignorance.

And the guy went to the hospital, so no, it wasn't a stunt.


this made me so incredibly sad.

hug for you.


Actually, to me this is really a new low for the people here. Coupled using the picture for transphobic memes and also continuing to spread transphobia in the comments.


Every eggo is a bite-size eggo if you believe in yourself.


That statement right there... so damn funny!


Physics teachers are known for their skill with the ladies.


If you have a visible six pack, you're either a bodybuilder or ridiculously thin. No normal fit and healthy person will have one.


Wait, my wife is a walrus?


"Things not to read when you are trying to run a business."


I've thought a lot about this over the years, and have decided that Balki didn't feel right using his Myposian certification in his adopted country, due to the licensing issues, both legal and ethical, that even he would recognized.

And now we do the dance of joy!


Yea he was headed to a parking lot with car keys in his pocket to walk home.

Edit: not driving, walking. I admit ignorance on this, but I'm not the only one who assumed driving when they heard keys and parking lot.


    ಠ_ಠ - you imposter motherfucker...
    <|>
    /ω\


you seem like someone who has firsthand experience with being "butthurt"...like from when your father fucked your asshole when he came home drunk, and shoved his dick into your boycunt even though you begged him not to.

yeah, you know its true.


It just replaced "communist" as the new political insult.


Skyrimnexus is where all the mods not approved by the official mod store go


No. In that situation. It would fucking matter.


2 years is too much. Period.


You could solve world peace if only you could get Kim Jong-un to gangnam style


Nice reference to a character in the movie *upvotes*. HERp De DeRp


It's a good idea to do it in public if the person you're breaking up with is "volatile". They're much less likely to throw a violent tantrum in public than if you were at home alone.

Also, if they do start throwing/breaking stuff a) It's not your stuff and b) there's plenty of witnesses/CCTV


She consented atleast, right?


I read '5' as '15.' It made the post significantly funnier.


You're aware that the majority of people already go to crunchyroll and are aware of their sales right?


Was she not entertained?


You have to be joking me. I hope you forgot the /sarcasm tag. If not, please chop off your leg and let's talk again.


Since the two-party system is so entrenched, any reform effort would require the support of politicians and parties who benefit from the current system and are not motivated to change it.


You're a cry baby bitch. He's the one who wants to believe it, I'm not telling him to do it. If telling it how it is a bad thing, then you need to check yourself because that is what he wants to believe. He believes his Mom isn't in heaven, but in a box underground.


When I was younger, I assumed that I in a few years would have found naked pictures or videos of at least ONE hot girl from my school.
I have found zero, and I have watched all of the porn.


Better than the American kids with assault and battle rifles.

EDIT: [7 year old firing AR-15 in guess where](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWxIZopZo9E)


This is exactly how I want to picture Nic Cage.


BECAUSE WIMMEN ARE INTELLECTUALLY INFERIOR AMIRITE GUYS?
GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN HUEAHUEAUHEHAUHHEHEHEHE
~~UPVOTES~~ DOWNVOTES TO THE LEFT


Definitely is. Simplicity is effective


So in order to empower women we start raping them?

(horrible joke, but a joke nonetheless)


It rubs the ketchup on it's skin...


Ok, so it steals from MORE than one game. That makes it better? Also dishonored might as WELL be underwater. Frickin venice up in there.


You should stop doing graveyard shifts.


Dream college > Dream wedding

EDIT: it's a sarcastic response to how selfish he's been. Being oblivious to sarcasm doesn't qualify you to participate in a subreddit about the intricacies of personal relationships. I don't need a /s so downvote me for being an asshole instead.


> knowing who's next and feeling aggrieved if the barman ignores you

A guy next to me once argued for about a minute with a barman who wanted to serve him, but he insisted someone else was first

"Look mate, either I serve you now, or you'll get served last"

"Fine, serve me last - but this guy is still next"

Made me proud to be British.


I really don't think it needs it...

Edit: downvoted? Really? Redditors can't wait 4 fucking seconds?


I think you'll find she's the worst kind of paedophile, its her JOB to touch kids!


If his SO has an issue? Him/her? How is this comment getting upvotes?! When I make an error posting I pay for it in karma!


Interstellar was oddly philosophical.

solid 9/10


If the genders were reversed, someone would be in jail for sexual harassment.


Then when she reveals it was a joke, have her call your parents to tell them she's not pregnant. Hopefully an awkward situation will occur.


Cough cough /r/pcmasterrace cough cough.

Edit: Only -41? Is that all you've got?


Well she did mention it right after I brought up my STD collection as a hobby


Meh, i'll downvote you instead.


Couldn't you just pretend to fail the exam if you didn't want to serve? Like if you purposely read the letters incorrectly, how would they know you're faking it?


Why? Are you a hipster?

edit: Why downvotes? I'm just asking.  It seems like Rokey76 only likes things before they're distributed to the mainstream.

edit 2: lol -43? karma train! choo choo!


How's this weird, this is awesome!


Hate to burst you're bubble, but whatever. You're free to be a moron. Don't pay attention to actual president...See if what everyone here says holds up in court, or against a tired cop at 3am. I don't give a fuck what happens to you...but you might.


u want the final drug though, and no one else to know


Keep telling yourself that. HayHaxor.


Only way to play Tekken for me.


because not everyone know what "fap" means.


I work for the home office, and know we do not have a history of spinning news internally–even news that is not flattering to us.


Rectal bleeding? Probably nothing.

Sudden blindness? Probably nothing.


There must be so many sexy Chinese girls in high heels in there.... Fuuuuuuuuuuu


Because when I was 4 answering questions there was this thing that said "what's the scariest thing in the world?" and I said "a green man changing into aliens who can throw up and the throw up can turn into guns and shoot people."


They are by DEFINITION related.


**shot fired, but Rooney sails it over the net**


Alexis? Shit burn on your behalf mate. Go back to your mother's tit; infant.


This!!!! Make her think she's married to James Fucking Bond!! I would do Moscow after the Pentagon.


Wow. Entitled much? Maybe YOU have to work for US.


Except federal taxes paid by Californian residents fund a great deal of that military budget already.

Edit: Californians pay to the tune of $292 billion a year in gross federal tax revenue.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Federal_tax_revenue_by_state


Shut up you goddamn Nazi

Edit- Wow so many downvotes i did nazi that coming lololol


He recognizes that the bible has a moral code, he just doesn't follow it.


Brad Cruise???

AM I DOING IT RITE


We need a lot more of this in /r/askreddit.

Edit: My top comment isn't about castration of penii anymore! Yay!


I am sure you will be rewarded with sex for being such a brave white knight.


At this point, I don't think any country holds any moral high-grounds anymore.


No, "quick" would have been before the shootings.


Unless we come up with the .99 cent coin.


Was expecting **le** first post to be tits. Because, tits.

 xDDDDDDDD lmao


This is reddit, they have no Seoul.


You mean rupture an aneurysm?  Unless it's growing or leaking, an aneurysm is almost always clinically undetectable.


Costco's secret?
It's people!
The enormous hotdog is made out of people!
People who were making $17/hour, plus benefits.


Because she's freakishly skinny, It's not hard for skinny people's abs to show.


This will never fly, it's too monogamous for todays pop charts. How about this. Instead of marrying the girl, you buy her jewelry, then sleep with all her friends. Also, consider adding "tonight" to the end of every other line.


How does it feel that your team literally does not matter. You're average at best, beat us, and no one cares.


switch to axe brah me and my bros always load up on axe before we go out n get tons o bitches


Laughed harder at this than anything else in the thread. GIVE THIS MAN SOME UPVOTES.


And he made sure it would never happen again.


She's having some trouble with her INR levels being too high?

copd?

and im thining possibly an infection/


And this, parents of Reddit, is why you don't enter your grown children's room unless they were in the room you just left.


Because for some reason here, in America (Murica') a dog has more say in a court than the average person.


My step-mom is an ER nurse and from some of the stories she's told me the ER is something of a human indoor plumbing service.


>Seems to be

Because it's a strawman.

>crazy

This is ableist. Check your privilege.


you have such an eloquent way of words


Women being passive agressive about each other for such a reason is a form of hatred.


I heard Belichick gave Pagano a nice smallpox blanket afterward as a peace offering.


It's funny because reddit's original faces are generally funnier, plus they are less likely to have been made by pedos.

EDIT:  With everyone downvote, you are asserting that you are pedophiles!  Bring them on.


To be honest with you Dianne, I'm surprised.


Do you hate fun? What's the benefit to them being professional?


I love how I got the whole story from just reading the URL


I used to be as rare as a unicorn, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I chalk it up to my general distaste of pop culture, but what is a "Soulja Boy"?


What? What the fuck? Oh yea he should be obese instead of having a low body fat. Hate this fucking logic


I fucking love science


damn... karma whoring is *tyre-ing*


Also, hackers.

*hacker typing on a keyboard*

>sdsadaskdkasndmnajsdhu3w3jurhwajnsd

*I'm in the pentagon main frame.*


I know they aren't 100% water, and they can't be damaged by burning, because they would simply emerge some water on the burn. And I think they aren't flammable.


And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you don't skip tech rehearsals.


I know, and I am allowing it personally because taking anymore action from this will just make things worse.


/u/nj194x - 1

Jim Cramer - 0


You know what else was legal in several US states? Eugenics.


**I'M BATMAN!**

No you're not sir. You're masturbating at a toddler pageant. You're going to prison.


Ricky Gervais is a washed up hack. I don't know who the hell he thinks he is that he can insult other peoples religions but it's disgusting.


I got the more specific "God doesn't want me dating *you* right now."


No, its me too. I'm such a giant douche.

Edit: downvotes, really?


"What are you doing here?"

 "What are YOU doing here?"


you would know fat ass


Arthur Spiderwick's field guide? I loved it, but I'm a bit too old for it now. If you want it, PM me your address and I'd be very happy to send it to you. You'd appreciate it more than me, and your AMAAs have given me enough laughs to be worth it. It's in almost perfect condition.


I watched the vid and still blame it on Thresh's attack.

Specifically since it doesn't happen on turrets, with his flay passive attack.


Nine times out of ten, it's an electric razor. But every once in a while...
(whispers)
...It's a dildo. It's company policy not to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We use the indefinite article: "A dildo". Never "Your dildo".


I used to be a sick fuck like you that though another person's anguish was *funny*, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


Plot twist- they gave her correct change and she was just trying to con her way into an extra cent.


You don't say?

lolreddit


I used to make awesome oil paints, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


this is the truth of all truths


The Gary was named Waiter


I think he's Italiano. Face-a-Face-a-book.com


Maybe they deserve a paycut?


YOU CAN PLAY THESE THINGS!?


thats nice no one asked you tho


TIL: there is a floating exchange rate on chuck e cheese tokens


The man is a criminal with mental illness who killed himself.   So what if it was a "personal favor".  Would this be any less of a moral outrage to you if the man just happened to get caught just by slipping up or being in the wrong place at the wrong time?  Not sure what the issue is here.


Am I the only one that thought of not man made laws? Like the laws of physics and nature. That would make for some scary shit ya know? People defying gravity and not dying after falling 10 000 feet, punching through solid pieces of metal to break into things.

edit: Yeah i forgot how to physics, I was tired


Well, as someone who lives in a city whose main industry is tourism, I'd ask that for the sake of the locals, you pay a bit more, and rent an actual hotel.  It's not fair to kick out the people who have lived in a town for so many years, so that someone can save a dollar.


Most of us from inside the States had pretty much no idea what it was about either.


I think you all are missing the analogy he tried to make:

"You all are against x." x = intolerance = child abuse. So he's likening child abuse to intolerance, which is a fair point.


> we're watching different ones! It's great!

I lost it at this line. It's both impressive and eerie how you encapsulated their personalities so perfectly!


Maybe its time for him to stop being a child then, because anna seems to be doing fine. It's basically his own fault.


Step one: Start smoking


Throw me a life line too, this ship is going down!

Edit: [My heart will go on](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGQ6VwUcxok)


Punish her for being crazy, and get the profit the dog would have got all you all in a lump sum. Nice.


Typically the term "Brony" refers to fans of the current generation, Friendship is Magic, not earlier generations


You'd remember more if you weren't talking so much.


Why does the description in the steadicam video link to a video that you set to private? Are you a mentally retarded person?


Secondary headline for the acrticle: "General Public Collectively Screams 'No Shit'"


Are you kidding me?  Maybe this should be a little incentive for you "poor men" to make something of yourselves where it shouldn't be a big deal.  So we should have higher punishments solely because we were actually successful in our lives? Wow....


Woody is like "fuck, what have I gotten myself into"

Welcome to Reddit buddy..


Which can kind of make sense to ban it.
Since why would someone need to rapidly fire an assault rifle?


There are two rules of success:

Rule #1: Never tell anyone everything you know.


Behold Gorignak the Combobreaker.

Edit: Yes.

**YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES**


That's pretty common. The popular kids don't have any reason to be mean. The bullies are the unpopular kids. They bully out of frustration and unhappiness.

For more info, see [Freaks and Geeks](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freaks_and_Geeks).


He should be in jail for attempted murder


Keep your pimp hand strong my friend.


>Wow, that's pretty ~~cool~~ lame of them.


When you retire, are you going to sell weapons at a rural Spanish town in a trench coat?


Well I made 40 people happy enough to upboat this today, and I'm happy that I could lighten their day. I'm sorry if you think this is a crime.


That is what amazed me. It gave them the 'cover' to drop some of the social pretexts that kept them from expressing their true emotions.


You're cool man. You obviously can tell this dude who (by the way doesn't look underage at all) is 14 by this blurry ride picture.

Also, the majority of trees is underage if you haven't noticed.


FIFA has investigated FIFA and has come to the conclusion that FIFA did nothing wrong.


Are arms in Canada all sausage fests?

These fucking whores are fat. That one has a bruise on her shoulder from sleeping on it. The one on the right looks like she just escaped a fucking hog farm.

My God. You guys need to come on down to Louisiana.


Typo, you say.  Make many of those in your line of work?


I think you meant **S**piderman.


A horse walks into a bar.  Bartender says why the long face.  Horse says nothing.  It is a horse and cannot talk.  It panics at the unfamiliarity of the location and breaks its leg in an attempt to escape.  It is put down.


You bitch and moan nonstop about how you're "just here for recipes" and want everyone to stop posting anything you don't like. That's why you're self-centered.

You are too stupid to realize how self-centered you are. That's why you're retarded.


never let the tip touch the rim


Never had an interest in Tennis till Murray... Tim Henman... Who?


I WILL KEEP KILLING THESE KITTENS UNTIL YOU ARE HAPPY!!!! EAT THEM AND SMILE DAMN IT!!!


99% of copyright material downloaded is from the US.

People like our movies, software, games, music so much, they'll go to the streets when their free source of it is threatened.

I'm so proud.


This applies to every fish in existence except for one.


The first six text ideas i got from a post from reddit. The rest I made up. Nice try


When I hear these kind of stories, I really want to avoid believing them


Yupp that's right. You understand what happened better than I did, even though you weren't there. Why didn't you stop her then?


Confuckyoulations is the word you're looking for ;)


vader_quotes!! Here's why I **downvoted** you:

1. Redditor for one day
2. Lack of Capital letters in your name
3. Darth Vader did not feature in the latest three movies, therefore most younger Redditors have no idea what you are talking about (-:
4. You hijacked the top comment with little relevance to it (-:

Edit: *Have a great day* (-:


With any luck, it will be Alec Baldwin and I singing to 30 cats in my apartment.


I was originally making a joke, you know, to make is seem like the pup was good (as in food). But it changed from "it" to "that"


Before this, I always asked myself why everyone got free stuff. And yes I will keep it. I informed Amazon of their mistake and they told me to keep it, which is another reason why I'll always pick Amazon as my online retailer.


So adults can't water fight with better strategies?


Is it growing on you?


a.implying it matters lol fagget


New meme. Good Girl Molly Ringwald. Has a project coming up, waits until it's actually relevant to bring it up.


I love that people are down voting you for the truth. They'd also be botching it a guy hit or pushed a woman that had just been punching him. The ridiculous double standards are hilarious.


No, it must've slipped my mind. I'm assuming her sister never mentioned it either, ya know, since I'm alive and stuff.


TL bot lane was playing Vayne and wildturdle is definitely not known for his laning. In terms of botlanes I would probably rate it
1. CLG
2. TL
3. C9
4. Gravity
5. Tip
6. Dig
7. TSM
8. T8
9. Coast
10. WFX


"My dick should be in this."


Are you trying to say glory hole?


And her husband is either an idiot, or a *complete* asshole.

edit: changed boyfriend to husband


I think it is more respectful of Marie Curie not to label her as a member of a sexist movement.


It's just Ron Perlman as a boy.


>You're being a bit of an ass though,

Oh I'd say I'm being much more than a "bit" of an ass.

>so I'm going to downvote you.

That goes against reddiquette, but I don't mind.


Surfing Reddit?

Why not writing thesis?


No, because I didn't write it with the intent to make people angry, or knowing that it would make people angry. I didn't think reaction gifs are that controversial of a topic.


While not an effective pick-up strategy, that was kinda funny.


>"Introducing the best iPhone yet!"

Except that they've never said that (or anything like it).


I wish the negative cover were the actual cover. Food the style of the previous two covers much better.

Edit: Fuck it, I'm keeping it.


/r/conservative is leaking...


No, sperm are little happy people in a utopian society which is only disturbed by a large part of the population disappearing down a hole. No sperm citizen has ever returned, but their scholars suggest that the world is far larger than they can observe, perhaps with other sperm civilizations much like their's.


Because he's  a member of an organization that actively supports child rape on a global scale?


You're not stupid. OP is for not including it in his post.


To a Whovian, yes. Forgive us, we can't help it.


He sure did! Pooped right in the slot. Those envelopes suck for wiping, though, and the screen doesn't reflect enough to let you see what you're doing.


Actually Marijuana users shoulo just not be criminals

THE FUCKING STUPID POINTLESS AMERICAN INSPIRED FUCKTARD OF A LAW MUST STOP WORLDWIDE.


Ah... I sorely want 1s. UK strippers have it good, lowest denomination is a fiver, and the slots they come equipped with do not handle change.


Who says I'm not? teehee.


I watch everything with subtitles. When I watch a movie with my family everyone tells me to turn off the subtitles, followed by my mom repeatedly asking me throughout the movie "What did he say? I couldn't hear."


Found the console user


I don't think anyone thought Tesla sold the MOST electric cars, just the only nice one.

edit: oh yeah and Elon isn't a AMA faking douche bag.


Steve Jobs should have been content with the iMac, I suppose.


I love Asian parent stories.


If you were a true atheist you would realize his death is meaningless and there is no point in missing him. His death, like all death, does not matter and I'm downvoting your thread for wasting our subreddit with this idiocy.


I'm a white male, and we *do* have a stereotype: entitled asshole.


I don't know why you think this is cute ... I think this is disgusting that his mother dosn't speak the most spoken and beautiful language in the world (english). We should cut the tongue of people who dosn't want to learn it. It would avoid wars. **Anyone else agree ?? upvote to say so !!**


I'm guessing he's faster than the speed of light in bed too.


Also, on an unrelated note, what Best Buy was that, perchance?


I reported the comment on YT.  Hopefully others do as well.


I hate to break it to you, but you both missed the correct one...
The cat and I texted her some selfies

You know, if you wanna get all punctual.

Beautiful cat.


that is beautifully evil


Haha I didn't really say that. That's something called "comedic embellishment."


that might the craziest shit i've read on reddit.


Pussy.  Why roll over and let the screw you out of money.


More like don't ruin anyone else's good time or else. Say what you will about the company but I've never had anyone ruin my experience at any of their properties, and that's something I can't say about anywhere else.


ummm r u kidding op's pic was so low res lol if i had a nickle 4 evry pixel id have 4 nickels  lol

upvote if u agree


"social seating" sounds better than "you can bang easier this way"


Ok, mind elaborating? Because I actually didnt.


Big enough to give me a massive erection... good thing I was wearing a lab coat.


I dont know why but I just downvoted Everyone!!!!
Edit: but not me.... cuz im a girl


Yep.  Shakespeare was using this play to highlight the foolishness of youth.  It was meant to be a "Look how stupid kids are" play, not a 'Look how romantic and awesome young love is" play.  We've lost that original intent.


Well, that's what happend when every comment sucks.


Thank you for the kind words i appreciate it youse all the ones who help the process for reals.

as for fav.
i have to say the HULK,as bruce banner he was cool and as the hulk i loved when he grabbed LOKI and banged him back and forth like Bam BAm .....


i le know le this le maymay


Created 2 days ago? Huh, you were relevant fast


If you cared about reputation you wouldn't have gone to Queen's


The elderly woman was also buying rat poison to mix into her abusive husband's food.


*Sadly scratches* ~~Elmos_Voice~~ *off of his Christmas card mailing list* :(

Suck my freshly shorn DNA yam bag  FRIEND. :)

That 'friend' was said in the same fashion that Doc Holiday would say friend to Johnny Ringo.


I'm 99% sure it was Silvio Berlusconi, and he meant "television network".


Why is this not the top rated comment?


I think your sentence just got hit by a train.


I hope tit balls are some sort of food...


DM:HS

I'm mostly over it at this point (~1 year). Don't be sad, I got laid nightly for all of college and had a hometown hookup for a year! I also learned an important lesson - no matter how much someone is into you in private, if they conceal it from others there is something wrong.


oh my fuck i lolled out loud.

i was not prepared for that.


For a moment before you explained, I thought you just installed Chrome for people.


Favorite songs of the year? Wow I'm out of touch. Isn't this the same shit that has been getting made for like 5 years now? Doesn't Eminem (who I love) release a song like this every 4 months? this can't even be one of the best 100 songs from last year...come on...raspy female vocals...seemingly complicated vocals that are actually an unbelievably common and reused rhyme scheme....come on


>You put all the parts in the right slots

Yup. That's definitely building something. Unless they think we manufacture our own PCB's to actually *make* the parts we want then I don't know what they're getting at.


It's so weird that these comics are Korean yet the characters look European. Is it because Asian cultures know that white features are just the best?


Java Runtime Environment?


I call bullshit on that one.


Whoa, all you need to do is delete the cookies?

HELL YEAH

Edit: I seriously have no idea why I got more than 1060 karma for this.


Whoa! Now it makes sense!


You can't fuck her brains *in*.

    Just ask your mom


Maybe because lp doesnt do anything and when you win you gain it all back cause its mmr based gg.


yeah, its hard to believe that there was absolutely no pasta sauce ever until the tomato was brought over especially since there's plenty of non-tomato italian pasta dishes


sounds like youre being a bitch to me


As long as they both worked.


This car is incredibly beautiful, but I feel the need to point out that unique is a binary state, something can't be very unique.


To anybody who's inclined to downvote, this is not an insult. One of the people killed in the attack was a prominent EVE Online player whose in-game name was Vile Rat.


Wolverine? Nope. Stan Lee? Hell no. Nigga, I AM IRON MAN.


It's pretty obvious when you look at the score screen. This idiocy seems to be confined to the console versions though, I've never heard someone whine about killstealing on the PC.


That should be Detroit's new travel slogan.

Better Than Russia.


Woooh there little one, chill out take a sip of your juice and go play with your dinosaurs.


If I ever have this done I'm going to clench and tell him I'm not letting go unless I get twenty dollars.


I bet they have incredibly productive careers and love lives.


I was buying condoms once and asked for a bag, you know, for discreetness as I walked back to the car. The lady said "Boy, if you gon' get down, get down! Whatchu need a bag fo'?" I was laughing too hard to argue...


Ahh, missing the point on purpose, funny. ;)


Which was oddly specific and leads me to believe he spends most of his time in that chair fantasizing about doing just that... I mean of all people in that video, he looked the most ready to go on some weirdly perverse killing spree


It doesn't. That's why they havnt won shit.


That's when my girlfriend walked in & said "oh, that's how you reload that thing"


nobody cares what you think faggot

get off my internet


Thank you! The F-L-I-N-T in the HOUSE!


He may be struggling to contain his glee. Not all marriages are happy, 1 in 2 end in divorce, the others end in death. Solution? Ban all marriages, to protect the institution of marriage.


Don't worry, I've got your back.


So bullshit.

Thanks.


It just got Yiddish up in this bitch


please kill yourself faggot


Remember when he forgot their names?


It's all okay then, Man City are not challenging for 7th place..


No, it doesn't.

EDIT - Wow, -54?  I'm somewhat impressed with myself.


Holy fuck! How they got saved by randoms with an AK!

**edit:* man they are serious about their sidewalk business! Get threatened with a pistol - respond "if you don't turn around I'm gonna put a sticker on your windshield"


I came here to say this.


ALL ships can go underwater... the trick is getting them out again


Its a border. You never have to cross one if you dont want to. If dont dont like the border policies of a country, dont go there.

 You have no right to enter a foreign country if they dont want to let you in, and they can set whatever requirements for entry that they want. This isnt a big deal. get over it.


She's really an exceptionally kind individual. Living a rural life since childhood, she flew for the second time in her life, from New Orleans to Kansas City round trip in ONE DAY for my wedding. She hates flying, had a lot to do that weekend and flew twice in one day to see me get hitched.


That sounds like autism.


Come visit Salt Lake City.  As a non-mormon living here, I find that they're either super nice, or super smug.  There is no in between.


No shit, no dick, better work that lip.

edit: I don't *care* about the downvotes but I just have to say WOW. It goes both ways, fellas.


Me too.  Damn, if my mom knew, it would break her heart.


Looking forward to what commentary?  He doesn't know anything about the game.


You get an upvote sir. I laugher harder when I read your comment.


I wrote a song for you called "Female Orgasms Aren't Sold By The Pound": [http://clyp.it/4am0fzhg](http://clyp.it/4am0fzhg)


Well excuse me for making a relevant joke.


He kept pushing her down the stairs.


I also saw in recent news that America's prison officers are shit so I joked about people getting raped in American prisons. Oh no wait that's no what I do that's what you do.


>I jumped on wearing only jeans

tl:dr: Topless virgin deflowered by horse.


This show is officially bored with itself.


Pity friends are always the worst kind of people.  You feel bad that they don't have any friends but whenever you see them you remember why they don't have any friends.


I remember the joke from a long time ago. Slightly different, but the gist is the same.


Goodnight my sweet prince.


Too bad a Zune HD sucks if you actually have more than ten songs.


He came out of an 8 month hibernation to drop that on you haha. I am envious


clearly he's doing it because he doesn't care duh.  YOU trapped him in this situation and it is not what he wants!  good luck being a single parent.


No doubt.  That is sportsmanship defined right there.


That's a bit mean. Now you can't take it off the cat without hurting it :/


I'll help out with this one!


Oh get off it. Half the fun of ordering pizza is knowing that if they fuck up you get free pizza. Pepperoni is awesome, I'll eat it, but I ordered and paid extra for a sweep the kitchen so damn right I'll complain.


My 16 year old classmates in my Catholic all-boys school all claim that they never watch porn and that they only masturbate once every two weeks

*Dies of laughter with you*


It's funny that the one thing that will always get you the most donwvotes on Reddit is if you don't subscribe to the notion that JA is a perfect human being. Him just denying every bad thing about his person it and spewing out absurdly imaginative conspiracy theories is enough for reddit. He is Julian Assange, he's got to be right!


It really does. Being a Chicago resident I've been through Gary more than my fair share of times and don't like to even pass through during the day much less at night. If you can go around it I highly recommend doing so. Or at the very least take the skybridge over it.


You need to watch Homeland. Seriously. In short terms, its about an american soldier who gets released from captivity, and a CIA agent believe he has been turned.


In a thread about the worst birthday present ever you posted a story about how you got a birthday present SO AWESOME that you got a hernia and burst blood vessels in your head when it arrived?


HAHAHAHAHAHA THE SHADOW! AWESOME IN THAT! HAHAHAHA MY SIDES PLEASE  STOP


SEE, THAT GUYS HOLDING A CAMERA!


Not subjective if you are a functioning sane adult human male. For one, reproductive fitness. For two "ugh, plastic".


TL:DR Homophobe Hides Hidden Homo Hedonism, Hetero Hitching Hastily


** I JUST DRANK A URINE**


What was she like when she ordered it? If she were all haughty and demanding, I could see that being annoying, but if she made a big joke of it and you were like, "you know what, I bet we can," that would be fun.


>Vampires in ***Literature***

Bit of a stretch to call it literature.  That's like calling rap "music".


The invention of electricity was truly shocking.


And the influx of immigration.


"My love for you is like aloe vera. Spread that shit all over your face for a nice smooth finish."


Scumbag Atheist: Trusts his own judgement above an all knowing God's.


Your mom weighs 279 and she's no lady.


and if she wants to carry a purse anyway, she can just stash it in there


I used to do what I like, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


His *solid gold* pen.


first off, it's a joke. second off, that is a great idea.


Thank you!  I basically had no fucking clue what was going on.


If I was on a power trip I would ban you for breaking rule 5, or I could ban you without a reason since I dont need one.  Im not going to.

Funny enough my only mod actions today ( or really this whole week since I was gone at a funeral) was editing our wiki and banning one guy who linked to a virus website.  Real hardcore powertrip I have going on.


This makes me sad, I am missing out on a whole social function I knew nothing about.


And likes to bash the LGBT community.


I found that civilians blocking all their cars (in the parking lot) to be hilarious, but cops detaining them without cause.... I dont like that at all.


you aren't reading my other posts and using the word "retarded" then talking about respect makes me think you are probably 14 or younger? Yes?


So basically your professor was a redditor.


those aren't real pokemon anymore :D it stopped being good at FR/LG


Those fucking title screens are the funniest fucking title screens in any show.

"This is America! We're gonna go for it! We're gonna work hard! We're gonna reach for the stars! We're gonna become more successful than our parents."

>Dennis and Dee go on welfare


So you want to have sex with someone who was born when you were 36? Kinda creepy, not gonna lie.


At least he still has job opportunities as a city guard.


I was being a bit abrupt with her because she was throwing a temper tantrum out of nowhere.

Idk how that indicates "a bizarre lack of social awareness."


You have no idea what you're talking about. Edit oh noes! Not my fake Internet points! What will I do now?!


Yeah, or how most Hispanic comedians only talk about being Hispanic. Or female comedians mostly talk about being women. Or any comedian from any place only talks about being from that place.


Why do we commend Blackburn for parking the bus but slam Chelsea for it?


Oh yeah, then explain why so many men in America go in to prison normal and come out as Nickelback fans?


Girls don't fart silly!


After the first one, it occurred to me that I was actually putting effort into tracing swastikas for a stranger on the internet.

That's like... one step and a-land-war-in-asia away from becoming Hitler.

Nobody wants to become Hitler. So I drew boxes for the rest.


At the height of his career as one of the most talented animators to ever push pixels.

edit: Am I being downvoted because you all disliked Monty so much, or are you just failing to read my comment correctly? I am genuinely confused.


Way to take the high road dude. Props.


What else did you think it was? Did you not see the url? Only a gif could be as low in resolution, quality and frame rate as this.


*sigh* I guess I'll just be the one hoping that the op doesn't die or require round-the-clock care before the dog passes.


Yeah the conversation usually goes like this: "Hey! You're that meme guy!" (pronounced may-may) and I respond: "Yeah, that's me." And they say something to the tune of: "Cool." Then we part ways.


"It's shite and my dad sucks harder than gay pornstars. Ayy lmao" still doesn't sound that much more interesting.

Even with a "And I still haven't fucking been at Disneyland!" I'm not sure if it's worth it...


Sorry!  Last time I tried to throw hundred dollar bills at a sixth-grader I spent the night in jail.


Rewatch it. Both teams shoved from the get go. Seahawks ended up looking like the assholes, which is deserved but still. The shoving was going both ways.


"Hey Forrest? I wanna go home..."

That line didn't have a profound effect on me when I was a kid but it messes me up now.


I'm not sure there's much a bitch like you can do about that.


Punch him in the face, then say he hit you.


lol american art? hehe there is no american art in the 21st century

all of it is coming from asia, europe and south america

berlin spends more money on supporting their artists than all of new york state and california combined


Good for you. Have some karma


Wow. Best rickroll ever.

Edit: Go ahead, downvote me so I can't ruin it for others, the title of "best rickroll ever" is still deserved.


Wow.  Were her instructions not clear that she had to use it *during* sex?  Or did she just think that you can only get pregnant at night?

And..."pregnant *again*"?  I feel sorry for the kids.


he's a stoner scumbag; he's full of shit


The south does it the same way. (Texas rep here)


accidents happen, stop trying to blame it on a dealer mistake.

edit: At least read the other thread people and instead of downvote brigade you come up with something in comments..


It was a magic trick, that paper was actually a tablet with wi-fi.


Man just shut the fuck up okay?


You can't just tetris a verb into the English language.


A long, well reasoned argument and the best you come up with is "u mad bro?" No, I'm not mad. I don't know, or care, about any of you. Though I admit it would be nice to see more people overcome their Halo addled brains every once in a while.


TIL, Germany is a high priced prostiute


You sound like a hipster ;-)

*EDIT: ok... Reddit doesn't understand irony... funny*


Just be thankful you knew what they actually looked like.  Someone who's never seen one, or can't see one would probably imagine that they accidental stumbled onto the location of the gates of hell.


or any level of healthy body weight.


serious question: are you a guy or a girl?

***edit: I wasn't trying to be offensive. I was just curious ... also I didn't think to check the post history. SUE ME


Can you not read?  Someone asked me a question and I answered.  Jesus you people suck at reading.


Go beat the crap out of your sister.


Cock dumb faggot nigger


As an Australian that wears shoes in the house. Its for ease and comfort. Also I'm more worried about King Tiger Snakes and the deadliest of spiders coming into the house than a little bit of dirt.


Real poutine uses chicken gravy. None of that cheap ass gravy made from beef.


Nah, it'd be more like.

"Hey guys take a look at the cake I'm having for my wedding"

"HAhAHAHAahahAHAHHHA"


We have posted about you, come look at our thread [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/rdzm9/rlgbt_user_asks_a_question_about_pedophiles_and/), Here is your current vote tally, for your records!: Total votes: -3, Upvotes: 6 and Downvotes: 9


Maybe you're just *that* bad at sex.


you're so fucking stupid, you probably won't even know why I'm calling you a idiot.


I can only imagine she turned even more red and exploded when you clarified the situation.


If a crying kid ruins your evening you need to learn how to cope with reality better.


That's pretty sneaky of you Phil.


I can tell you're being sarcastic but it's pretty obvious it upsets you. While else would you lash out over a light hearted chirp? Have you never been chirped before? If so, my bad. I just assumed most people can take it.


I would never! [Here are a couple more](http://imgur.com/a/s67x6). One is showing more of his body (he's watching the fish!--they only kept his attention for a minute, though), and one where he's drifting off to sleep, after watching the puppies for a good 5 minutes or so. He wouldn't take his eyes off them. Now we must get a puppy. It's clearly what he wants.


yeah with all the super bowls luck has brought you lmao


They send you a check afterwards.  That'll surely make you feel better, right?


I get it if the mom can't survive if they have the baby, but i know many girls that are pregnant and 16. One of them got an abortion and deeply regretted it. Its possible to have the baby and put it up for adoption. What other "hardships" could exist?


> They're a VERY Christian organization.

The fact that you can even say this off-handedly about a barbecue restaurant leads me to believe that America is even weirder than I thought.


Absolutely ridiculous they put FSU in the playoff instead of you guys. You would have crushed every team they had on their schedule.


This is my story now, this happened to me.


The kardashian interpretation involves a big boobed woman and a man who lies to get her titties which get bigger with every lie but eventually she he lies too much and her boobs are revealed to be filled with silicon and they become really hard because there's too much so she becomes like one of those bodybuilder woman with big hard titties and that's freaking disgusting.


and that is how we invaded iraq


That first one happened at a Christian university.

LOL, where is your God now, stupid Christians?

Atheists: 1

Christians: 0

edit: downvotes? really? come on these are christians, not people....... lol


In high school, my brother had a friend over for the weekend. One morning, he goes in to the bathroom to take a shower. The shower goes on for a few seconds, stops, then starts again a few moments later. When he finished, he walked out in his towel and incredulously asked: "Do white people not use washcloths?!" (He's black.)


...this is exactly why I don't watch soccer. Tripping, bitching, faking fowls... In what sport could that be considered a head butt? In what sport would it provoke such a lame response?


His whole speech is amazing,  but the appropriate inside voice killed me


oh wow people still play SkyRIP ... this game is a dead horse. just like ur mom XD


I am currently a laser engineer.  How do I transition into being a chocolate engineer?


> Have you seen his girlfriend...?

The squat, at best average, china whore? With a scraggly beard like that what else could he get?


Beans, the pinnacle of sexuality.


I shouldn't have to hide it. Why can't I openly just as flaunt it as Christians do? People wear crosses on their necks, church t-shirts, and its totally fine. But the second I mention I'm atheist, I'm a baby eating satanist.


Every time someone posts this I find myself grinning and nodding my head. I thought I was a fucking genius when I did it.


I took a pic of her reflection in a window, this was in my apartment parkinglot


Upvote for "having a sex".


Oh, so since you were robbed you suddenly can pass judgement on a whole group of people? Piss off.


RIP Funking_Wholesome


typical leftie redditor: "I think everything should be free. Bush was the worst president ever1"


my riskiest click yet


Well I got a girl, and I find its much harder than I expected, because I know gadgets and stuff will generally rank lower with girls (even reddit ones). More thinking required, mostly due to the increased differences.


Mate well done keeping your composure while he was in your face. Glad you let your body do the talking. Thumbs up.

EDIT: Reply to the right person this time!


A grower, aka a piece of shit.


The marketing has been confusing to me. I'm getting 'cute little robot learning English and being a g with some South African bros lol' and 'military oppression, artificial intelligence drama" a la District 9. I can't figure out who they're targeting. I'm more into the sci fi angle but the kiddy feel is turning me off. Obviously the R rating helps but it's still odd.


/r/shit is where you want to post this.


Car fuel can't melt glass beams


They don't put any identifying info in the photos and they have rules about raiding the subs any of them came from. Most of the time people are just so tire of fat people and their excuses for being fat that they just want to say how they honestly feel without people getting butthurt.


http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5tp4hGOBw1qbnggp.jpg

Nah just kidding that's cute.


He is. This is the first year your boy managed to stay healthy all season, so I don't know how you can compare him to a more established quarterback.

E: I want to get to -100, please Lions fans make it happen. I'd be bitter too if I was a fan of the worst franchise in the league & then when we do have a good season our china doll of a quarterback doesn't get voted to the Pro Bowl. Cheers!


I remember this from my early, early childhood, too. In retrospect, I'm so impressed with how they handled this. Instead of just letting it fade from memory, or coming up with some dumb reason to explain his absence, they addressed it head-on and used it as a learning opportunity. I miss Sesame Street.


gooby pls

EDIT: I just said that because dolan and the last face look a bit alike.


i'm a new father and i feel this way after reading this post


I still think that the original commenter is the biggest douche for actually hunting down such a stupid quote and demanding credit. Honestly, twitter pisses me off, fucking narcissist city.


I cant believe people like this actually exist.


When being a White Knight gets you laid be sure to post to reddit so that the other WK's here will finally see someone that is successful at it.


Sometimes, you just know what the top comment will be.


Don't feel bad I got banned for calling out the guy who raped me.


WHY WON'T ANYBODY HELP ME. OH GOD, IT HURTS SO BAD


Really? I found it rather demeaning and pedantic; like he's parodying her.

EDIT: Holy smokes, -15 points in 5 minutes, why?


I heritage listed your mother last night


Who downvoted me for this?

It looks like Terry turns away and smiles to himself before it even happens.

e: Wow, relax guys ... I was just wondering why the original was at -2 within a few seconds of me posting it.


...and then I watched Requiem for a Dream and never wanted to try ANY drug as long as I lived.


Being able to take a loss is not the same as being neutral about it. You don't have to have a complete melt-down because you lose a game. But I'm not suggesting you should be neutral either.


I see this all the time and have dubbed it "speed envy."


they should remove emotes from chat and ban anyone spamming


Your mum got pretty hot after I put on The Notebook.


All of my upvotes, have them.


0 Super Bowl wins since Ballghazi tells you all you need to know about the CHEATRIOTS


ugh shut the fuck up


Gua*CUM*ole.

**EDIT:** Well, I sure am glad *that's* far and away my most-upvoted comment...


You are a faggot. #Yolo


Came to say this.

>*my brother had explained his decision to give me power **more than once.***

The OP's brother had made his wishes known *more than once*. What the question is really:

>*Am I a bit of a cunt for cutting out these people?*

According to your brother..... nope.


the mother actually gave birth to a girl. the girl escaped the prison. bane was just there and protected her.


They had a steak-out.


Too bad it's been all over reddit for the past couple of days.

edit: I let the evidence speak for itself below.


Serj will need to accept this.


wowu needa calm down i think iss a joke rite!!!!!!!!!


The accuracy of this comment is so true it hurts


You one of his fanboys ?


I made this just for you.

http://imgur.com/UsZZ2


Its spelled pterodactyl


"Do you understand? Make sure to stay right here and protect me at all costs!"

"Right, I will stay right here, even if you need to be protected at all costs"


>we are 9gag. we are many.


cant tell if troll... or really sad ex boyfriend.


I don't like jerking off to old people, let alone thinking about having sex with them. Although you may, and I respect that opinion.


It's not funny if you create the account for the sake of a single post.


I am not a retort, ok?!


Hits too close to home?


And I'm taking advantage of your mom.


Because it is completely impossible to open doors, right?


They also left out the biggest plothole of all: when Joseph Gordon-Levitt borrows that guy's car, does he get it back?

Also, I liked that when Batman is faced with a 12 hour deadline before a nuclear explosion, he finds time to cobble together some arts and crafts grafitti out of fire.


Guess I'll be the one to ask: what the fuck does it matter?


If you have the time you can just go out every half hour or so with a mister type spray bottle, and spray around the doorjambs and locks. I've frozen people out of cars for *days* with this little trick, and you dont have to worry about screwing up your pipes.

EDIT - I think I should get some sort of achievement for [this](http://i.imgur.com/UXkauK2.jpg)


> I'm a pretty laid back/sarcastic person, myself

No, you aren't. If this bothered you, and bothered you so much you still remember it some five years later, AND you're the sort of person who would date someone who would cut ties with one of his best friends over a minor disrespectful comment, no, you aren't laid back.


>Boredom will make people do funny things.

Sometimes the best way to stay sane is to act in an insane fashion.


Thanks?  I appreciate your very substantial contribution to this conversation as well.  At least I made a cogent point.  You're just being an asshole.


It's almost like using them every day instead of traffic lights familiarizes people with traffic circles.


mmm.. Teenagers will be the teenagers their parents raised them to be, I hate to be that guy, but unless their have real mental problems, somebody somewhere messed up.


Crayola Crayons. Roseart can suck a dick.


If you are going to spend the effort to do something, do it well. Don't bitch because other people have standards.


He's protective of his pussy.


I know right, I'm not like this all the time. In fact I'm rarely this bad, but for some reason this guys face popped up on the all feed and I just couldn't resist.

I know downvotes are inevitable, but someone out there must've found it as humorous as i did.


And they show all of their friends.

I just realized my parents are sick, sick people.


Since this is reddit I have to be kinda rude and say that I pity people who didn't know this.


Who knows... But it looks like that knife couldn't...

( •_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

Make the cut.


"I see **National Socialism** as a support group for people who are sick of **Judeo-Kike** bullshit infiltrating their laws and social policy. In my 2 years here, I honestly see this as a caring and welcoming community. I have yet to see any of the apparent abundance of hateful posts and comments here that are complained about so much by **Non-Whites**."


Choo choo, motherfucker.


On the second day of owning this $90+ nice gift from your girlfriend you leave it next to a hot lamp? What did you think would happen? That pisses me off more than it should.


You can't spell "pyrrhic victory" without **victory!**


Dude, shutup and go ping yourself. The man is right and you're being pedantic.


That could work if my dad didn't spend every waking moment hiding from her.


It's not transphobia. It's bradley manningphobia. I can't stand traitors like her or snowden


yes, but some of us are heterosexual.


I didn't think there'd be hookers trying to turn tricks on the chairlift.


I read that as "Mars Bar Exam". Mars bars are delicious.


They downvoted you for saying this...

Edit: He was at -2 when I said this. Glad to see the Yids have arrived


Scripting is a bit delayed - about 6 months.  if that affects everything else in the accordion, then it won't air before the fall of 2013, perhaps as late as early spring, 2014.


Umm, your brother married that person.  Your brother fucked that person.  Your brother and your brothers wife decided for some reason to not abort that fetus.  Your brother is partially to blame.

Sorry Betty, but that's the skids.


This thread is the only context where this story is adorable.


Double edit: Warning, misguided attempt at humour ahead. 0/10, would not recommend bothering to read.

On the plus side he's a sprinter, so he can probably just outrun the Ebola sufferers.

^I'm ^^a ^^^terrible ^^^^person...

^^^Edit:-20 ^^^in ^^^an ^^^hour? ^^^Totally ^^^called ^^^it, ^^^I'm ^^^terrible.


My dog.  When we open the gate to go to our pool he runs in to the pool because he's hot.


fuck, oh no! ashamed about the things i post on reddit?
Im sorry my life doesn't revolve around getting upvotes.


Every redditor is a scientist, didn't you know?


fucking nigger faggot, kill yourself you piece of shit

you don't deserve to go back to africa, you deserve to be at the bottom of the ocean


Is the baby ugly or weird looking at all?

Also that's pretty much hilarious. Everyone who has ever suffered listening to parents go on and on about how cute their kid is (especially when it's not...) probably just got a justice boner.


I think you need to read more about roster changes, I guess you will be shocked.


That depends on if they're union or not :/


You made me laugh so hard that I just want to spend all day making accounts and upvoting this post.


Now I can make use of a pair of socks.


stfu fag and just enjoy the song


And it was LONG. And boring. I actually liked the fight scenes in the transformers movies but by the time they got to the big climax at the end i just wanted it to be over.


TIL = Today I Learned, not Today I Read the Thing That Came Out Yesterday (that's TIRTTTCOUY)

Oh, and it's 16 years old.  The article is 16 years old.

I think that came out sounding a lot bitchier that I thought.  Too lazy for backspace.


People often confuse ambition and competence, ambition can be a poor quality, competence however is a necessity. If he made cardinal he was likely competent and somewhat ambitious, but not necessarily pope-level ambitious. Sometimes, that really does make a good leader.


If you swallow enough of your own semen, you will become immune!

also: samefag


I caught a shiny Sandshrew during my father's second wedding. I screamed really loud. They were not impressed.

Then again my sandsgrew was still there for me five years later when she left him. So at least one sacred bond was formed that day. :B


The left one is about five times the size of the right one.


I think she was just looking for an angle and went a bit too far.


Shut the fuck up! Yeah, look at the Duke "rape" case you racist piece of shit.


Fun facts are never fun.


There's no need to 'know the story behind' the photos, the images speak for themselves.


I remember we were over my uncle's house for New Years. The moment the ball dropped, the lights in the house went out. In that moment of celebration, the mood quickly turned to horror for a minute. Y2K was happening! That is, until my uncle turned the breaker back on.

It was a once in a millennium prank and he nailed it.


Why would any rules even apply to my account though?

Anyway I sorted it out by making a fresh throwaway account and posting form that.

The fact is I'm being slandered and witchunted here and nobody seems to give a shit, Is that guy really allowed to call me a"Russian web propaganda agents" in the title of a frontpage post ?


wow, just did this, neat trick!


Some virgins getting a pity flash from a uggo friend? Thats my guess.


Yes I do but it is worth it


Your comment makes you sound like a 14 year old girl.


Saying 'I'm sorry' and 'I apologize' are the same, unless you're at a funeral.


Wrongly executing a few is worth protecting the many life-term sentences of the victims of child sexual abuse if a death sentence could deter would-be offenders.

Edit: As suggested, I edited out the money part, it didn't really make sense and didn't really highlight my opinion. The rest is still an extreme, unpopular opinion and deserves the flack it gets. Also, "that" was supposed to be "if".


I kind of feel like ~~like~~ _this_ is what Facebook is for...


Wow what an amazing joke. /s


sudoku is a number puzzle similar to a crossword, I think you meant sushimi...


Yup, that's a toy, runt, yappy annoyance, etc.

[Use my dog as an example of a real dog.](http://imgur.com/SFeHo)  German Shepherd, Huskies, Malamutes, Labs, etc are real dogs.  Tiny yappy dogs are not.  Neither are bull dogs or pittbulls because they are fucking ugly abominations.  Corgis get a pass just because.


I was going to ask this but I was distracted by everyone in Europe right now doing the exact same thing in the name of sports


no it doesn't you sick fuck


There are establishments that rent movies? Like a walk-in Netflix?


My whole life is a circlejerk. And lately funny has been too.


You know what else is beautiful, disgusting, and deep?

^^^^^^Vaginas


No, you're an arsehole.


Yes. I'm 24, and I'd give up sex and shower beers for this.


To be fair, the theory of evolution is the basis for eugenics, and was used by Hitler as a justification for the holocaust.


Every man willing to raise another man's son and love him as his own is a great man in my book. He's lucky to have you.


It's not like were living in the middle east. The cop isn't just going to execute him. They had to take the report from Oscar Carillo seriously.  If he didn't run and just told the cops he didn't do anything he'd probably be alive today.


It's a very misleading name.  It's owned by a guy named Friendly, a name he got in prison after stabbing four ugly children on a playground.


What does it matter? Her parents are being insensitive dicks. No one should humiliate their child like that, not to their face, not in front of others.

It's flat out wrong.


He stood there and watched quietly. Like a gentleman.


Hur i all världen lyckas du tolka min kommentar så? Jag sa ju motsatsen. Men vad jag tycker om den saken har ingen betydelse för det vi talar om.


Nigga, what the fuck is juice?


I don't understand how you thought this worked. You thought Siri would identify the song and then not keep that information somewhere to facilitate you purchasing that song? Have you never heard of capitalism?


This is weird as shit to me.


ha scumbag hipster need to be the new meme ;0p


I never mentioned it to him, he never mentioned it to me, I never stole whiskey again.

troll dad: 1, me: 0


Do you not define crazy as a vagina that used to be a penis?


wow, thats how serial killers are made


...Is this AMA moderator-verified?


Here's the video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=H7iuBWkMEn8#t=97


I modded you up because I pretty much agreed.

Go ahead and mod me down.


it's simple supply and demand. The end user controls my prices, if the demand goes down the prices go down as well.


Hilarious.

You're so sad. What's going on right now is a child who takes video games too far. It's pathetic to see someone so emotional over a skill-less gear check in a video game.


FUCK MAN. FUCK I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST GONNA BE DELICIOUS BREAKFAST ITEMS


i desperately hope you're kidding.


Has any student really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?


This is why the white man is the devil.  Just notice how much he INVESTS in this incantation ... "lawsuit!" ... translation "I own the world and I'm going to make you pay far, far, far more than anything you can do to me right now."  At least this is what that idiot thinks.


commenter above me is a philosopher.  Up-vote him to karma heaven.


OP's pic

is this the birth of a new epic meme?


I didn't say it would be nice. The OP asked "What's something awful you wish would happen?" and I answered.

Don't twist your ankle when you step off your pedestal.


Think about it this way. Split ten up into zero groups. How many do you have? Depends on your point of view, ten or zero are both acceptable. The reason you never divide by zero is not that the world is destroyed but because it's opinion math.


It just HAD to be heads, didn't it?! Flipacoinbot you cheeky bastard...


DOWNVOTED FOR USING THE F-WORD ;-)


Our soft, squishy, pillowy bodies.


I see what you did there


wow your dad is a patient man


>Take it from a black man

Yeah, that's what he needs to do.


He is also strongly against Mac books because "No one needs a processor that big, it is waste of money and electricity" he went on to explain why your electricity bill would be so much higher powering a mac book then a windows netbook. I listen in amazement.


Satire is supposed to be intelligent and witty. This is neither.


More of a domestic violence and rape story


Do you think that there's no difference between blacks and niggers? The two people in the video are clearly niggers (and are in need of a lynching).

Look and their clothes and listen to what they say. They're threatening with RAPE. Blacks are just people like the rest of us. Niggers are subhuman scum that ought to be exterminated. Clear now?


Also, lawyer up, hit the gym and delete facebook.


Not really worth it unless she doesn't respect the ban. Filing a police report might be recommended if it can be done just to have documentation of the event, might help later if she comes back and creates a scene, get a restraining order against her perhaps.

But really there was likely no injury so going full out is a tad much.


Simon sucks eggs!

edit: why are you upvoting me?


AND they killed Kenny.

EDIT: Bring on the downvotes, you bastards :D


That comma hardcore fucked with me. I had to check the math with a pencil and paper.


You missed the whole "Nickelback" thing huh?


Don't go to culinary school if you're born to be an economist.


How so? If Trav didn't take the time to explain, it could've easily sounded like he was barking orders.

It's not logical to assume that the girl had any ill-will towards him.


Perfect! "hey little timmy, did I ever tell you about the time your mother shit and puked ask over my bathroom?"


How is being a prostitute getting ahead?  Your career will be over by the time you're mid thirties and you have no real work experience.

 Best you can shoot for is being a trophy wife that's slept with hundreds of people before your husband.  How are men okay with this?


Never said you were, neither did they. Read. No one accused you of being a rape apologist, they just said the same things you said has been said to rape victims.


My girlfriend hates it when she says "don't stop" and I shout "believing! HOLD ON TO THAT FEELING!"

Okay, so it only happened once when I was really drunk and we both died laughing.

It made the feeling a little hard to hold on to though...


I guess that is what you should expect with inconsistent, mediocre investment. You get back what you put into it.


Stray dogs in NYC have trust funds larger that your salary, man.


hahaha that was also my first thaught^^


When I was in high school orchestra, I remember our football team's locker room getting a fancy new stereo system the same year that our boombox upgrade request was rejected. We had no other way to listen to recordings as a class.


Hey baby pm me

Edit: pls respond, I'm a nice guy

Edit 2: downvotes for talking to a m'lady?? OP please call them off and check your inbox for my 17 messages

Edit 3: op just pm'd me nudes and said my comment was funny. Joke's on all of you


Marry me & protect me from my greatest fear


It's a brutal act, but it's certainly not cowardly. To go there in a place where you look like you don't belong, risk arrest, turn off the lights with chance of failure, not trip up an alarm, shoot when you don't know if you'll be apprehended in the dark, risk failing to kill yourself afterward and face torture, killing yourself! That takes chutzpah.


Yeah that's a situation you might want to pull out of.


I don't agree he's purely racist but why is Riley still there? And see Iggy Azalea, a racist with a black bf.

Life isn't as simple as you think it is.


Gold? Bah. Pay the iron price.


i hug birds with my teeth. especially for dinner :)


I just checked with my girlfriend. Yup, we're vaccinating any future kids.

[](/rrarityannoyed)  *if they survive the abortions*


>Or even 10/9ths.

This is 1 and 1/9th Mozart's talent. In other words, **more** talent than Mozart ever had...

Unless you were being ironic?

    edit

Sweet Jesus I have never been downvoted so fucking swiftly in my *life*.


And BJ could be their nickname.


That's an incredibly childish position by Nazgul.


"Alice, It seems you have a penis, care to explain?"

"Surprise!!"


That isn't how real people think or act. You have a child's grasp of these issues.


Then I need 30 bottles of listerine.


All pro teams generally monitor anyone whos master+ so it goes without saying, but gj repeating what was already said trying to sound intelligent contributing to the conversation


Yeah we all know Wayne is lil.


Little confused. I can understand if you fail for something silly, but if you fail because you committed manslaughter and were released from jail 2 months ago, I wouldn't really call that "Classy".


"Where does this fucker think *he's* going?! Let's see what was *sooo important*! Oh, the hospital, eh?! Huh... the Emergency Room... Well, I guess I should just stick around to see if it was a worthy emergency..."


I just realized that this sub is full of a lot of morons TBH, kinda confirmed things.

Most specifically people downvoteing facts about what medicaid covers.


Your boyfriend is hilarious.


You reap what you sow


Every time an unlikely opportunity like that arises, I make a similar bet with whoever's around me. If I fail, then it doesn't really matter and we'll forget about it in ten minutes. But if I succeed, it will make for a memorable story.

Always go with the decision that makes for a better story.


dont see any verification yet...


haha that's from the video i just watched


You couldnt be asked to investigate me enough to even know who i am.


Nice one! That actually made me lauh.


Shhhh!!, let the democratic fanboys run wild with this..

"its not really him, George Bush set up an imposter!"


Nice try. That's exactly what the Federal Bureau of Investigations would say.


Melissa completely threw this guy under the bus. He Probably just had a long day.


"Nothing beats that dead kid smell"-Peyton Manning


He was known for his Katarina even before her remake. He was easily the best Kat player in NA when no one else played her in high elo.


oh shit.  thanks for reminding me


**YOUR A TRAITOR TO OUR COUNTRY.  THOSE "PEOPLE" WERE TERRORISTS, SOMETHING YOU CONVEINIENTLY FORGOT.  YOU ARE A DISGRACE. MY FRIENDS DIED ON 911 AND YOUR MAKING IT HARDER OR THEIR FAMILIES TO HEAL.**


I did a research paper about this last year. Basically countries like Indonesia allow the mass burning of their rainforests to happen for the industry because it is such a large portion of the country's income and job market. Luckily this is becoming more of an issue for people and many organizations are pushing "sustainable palm oil."


no we aren't. you might be personally.


It would be sacrilege to even try.


$10,000 / (~10 hours a day x 60 days) = $16.66 per hour.

...

"Time is money, friend."
-WoW Goblin

EDIT: OOPS XD


Can verify, this is the Brynner


Maybe because QXC is a dick to everyone when he's not on camera.


SAY WHAT ONE MORE GOD DAMN TIME, I DARE YOU, I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHERFUCKER!


Some other internet person said so one time, I believe. Just roll with it.


I like my women like I like my urinals: secured to a wall and covered in piss.


Do you seriously want to see the same thing happen AGAIN?

He showed really poor judgement the first time around. How about we use this time to not only ask him questions but to make sure the same mistakes are  not made again.

I was trying to HELP him and HELP avoid a future kid that gets killed.


this is the only explanation of bio-hydraulic locomotion I have ever heard.


Or downvoted to aurillion?


"Oh what's that, Reddit's down? Must be Friday, I'm in love."


I know several women that were talked out of it, and every last one is grateful.  Seeing your own flesh and blood take their first breath creates a pretty strong bond.  Two women I know fully intended to adopt the child away, then couldn't do it.


France's new motto: Hope we didn't fuck up.


Know what's more impressive? Being in proper shape in the first place and never becoming a fat piece of shit.


they are living in 2005


I'm sorry that I don't spend every waking second on reddit enough to see that post.


You could say him and the spider are surfing the... web.

YEAHHHH...


eh no its not. most of the stuff on YSK is actualy true. teh vitamins b thing is actualy true whats make u doctors? nobody ok so seriously stop actin like YSK police and back the hell off this site can get so annoying :/

**edit:downvotes don make me wrong :S**


Why this is not the top comment, we will never know.


When I was younger, my dad would go bear hunting. We'd go around getting expired bread and other pastries to put together in huge tubs with molasses to make bear bait out of. This is probably a bear in a man suit from the looks of it.


I just turned 30 and have slept with like 35 girls and my peen ain't nothin to brag about


I think that's reddit's slogan.


>anonymous

I'm not entirely sure you understand what that word means.


She was an ex, so they had broken up. He decided to base his imaginary wife off her, so it was her fault they didn't work out.

She probably took it well and was polite, but had gently-bitchy defensiveness that tried to cover her regret, without confronting her pride.


I'm a dude, and *my* uterus hurts.


Haha that was pretty funny.  Cheers


Your story is one of the creepiest, sadly because it's also one of the most believable.


> the best Dline

top kek


Redditor buys a PSP and takes a picture in front of an unwinnable game all for the that addictive white snortable karma.


what's wrong with gyazo? your pc running windows 95?


Russian here, I like the cat pics on Reddit.


I came here to say this.


Best way that has ever been put


Goals is the only one you needed. I'm sure Guardiola is making Lewa practise slide tackles as we speak.


I believe that my supply line can intersect with your demand curve.


XKCD SO FUNNIE LOL!!! UPVOAT!!! GEEKS R FUNNIE AND RANDEM

EDIT: BROWNVOTES? REALLY?!!?!$%!5


Water has been known to make people wet.


>So many people disappeared during that time.

No shit Sherlock.


10,000 redditors just pouted furiously


Don't feel bad tho, he was a paid killer and deserved a painful death.


He might have been actually drunk..


All I am saying is that she is craving a different kind of attention. Maybe she wants to be treated like a whore.  All those things you list may be considered "noble" actions within a relationship, but clearly from her behavior it isn't enough to prevent her from seeking attention elsewhere.


I guess once you get cockblocked by termites you lose your wood.


His friend is probably dead, don't waste your time. I hope he learned his lesson about traveling to third world shit holes :)


Squares*
Edit: I'm well aware after 10+ replies that rectangles are a possibility, stop telling me.


You know  what! Go right a report about this article, submit it to a review board and then make your reddit comment!


Wow, that was a dedicated wingwoman. In the case that she didn't like you, she was willing to hook up with you to help her lonely friend. In the case that she did like you, she was willing to sacrifice a night of fun out of solidarity for her lonely friend.


its not that scary you all are just fucking nerds


Talking about electricity, what did they call Electric eels before electricity was discovered?


That was not only irrelevant, but incredibly stupid. Don't ruin Pokemon Gen1 with the shitty music of today. Learn to use the internet correctly, please, for your own sake.

Also; "His opinion is different! Better get all my friends together to downvote him!". As if I care about a meaningless score on this site. Grow the fuck up, kid.


"..code monkey think maybe manager wanna write goddamn login page himself..."


Maybe you have down syndrome, but there is a bathroom they can change in.

What men change in front of each other when sharing a room?  This is not normal.


I leave a penny.  That way they don't think I forgot to tip: they know I disliked their service.


I like participating in these shit storms once in a while. Helps me remember that karma is worthless and keeps me in line

BRING IT


You are creating childhood memories. Don't fuck it up.


It's called the popular word of the last two years!  Omg!  If you don't care about what I care about you lack a basic human emotion!


He usually just holds hands though so nbd


Asian guy who texted the whole time and only lasted 4 minutes? - http://i.imgur.com/ToOH0.gif

Edit: Keep downvoting Reddit, needs to beat my lowest downvoted comments around 20+ something.

Edit2: YES, thank you! First time ever on Reddit, I'm on -60, hope it goes more for a better record.


He wrote:
    2. clarinet and drums
But Reddit formatted it into what you see.


It isn't, but are we really surprised that it can be used that way? I agree with you, but personal insults against someone who's never heard of Reddit seem unnecessary.


Unless we seriously get our shit together, there will soon be no one alive who has walked on the moon.


Call me gay all you want, her thank you gift for the present was worth it.


That's all the proof I need.


We want teh freedoms so we must FORCE government to tax us and regulate our lives. Hurr durr.


2005 me is SO offended right now.


If you're a historian you should be aware of how often and many times Japan has apologized for its actions.  Japan at least is taking small steps in the right direction, very unlike my country, the U.S., which is  galloping into hell.  Genocide - you're a historian and you want to start comparing genocides?  How far back do you want to go?


"Dude....seriously, your hand writing is SO good!! Nobody else in class says that man."


He's running for re-election this year too.


BUT THAT ISN'T VERY PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE AT ALL!


>I don't know who these *sluty* little monsters are, and they won't leave me alone.

FTFY

Digression:  'Slutty Little Monsters' is a cool idea for a band name.


To be honest 50 cent comes across like he was raised to respect his mum.


I could seriously care less.

I just posted a proof video to a diff thread for an ab thing I was talking about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FjLQcPVC6M&feature=plcp


And then tell him he's got updog on his tie.


ERMAHGERD, FERK YERU AURSE HERLE


Yes = Maybe

Maybe = Fuck that, I'm too tired to deal with you

No = Aw fuck you and everything you like


Actually, he's smearing Obama for presumably lying about conversations with his daughters (an 11 year old girl would not ask "Daddy, did you plug the hole yet?") in order to gain sympathy in the political arena. Even if he wasn't lying, he shouldn't drag his family into the political arena.

(Edit for spelling)


***Break it down bitch, let me see you back it up,
Drop that ass down low then pick that motherfucker up.***


"Portal Lego is" doesn't make any fucking sense.


You can spend Whose Line points in the Reddit Karma store.


The novelty will wear off


You got me. I'm a pair if sentient panties but I can't use a keyboard properly. I'm forced to use voice to text. THANKS FOR TRIGGERING MY DISABILITY COMPLEX SHITLORD


It doesn't you dumb  blonde bitch. Fuck them once and then promise more if they lose weight. Once they get a taste of your pure white asshole, they will want more.


I GOT IN TROUBLE AS A CHILD FOR CLOGGING THE TOILET WITH TP. THE NEXT DAY I SHIT IN THE GARBAGE CAN.

THEY UTTERLY DESERVED IT, GRANDPA.


good advertising, bro.

EDIT: This was sarcasm.


Guarantee you're getting the whiner and the hyper-enthusiastic kid.


Yeah, you guys.... you should get that looked at. Those complex's need some work


This is actually not a bad idea.

That is, if the mom would play along with it. If she spent a ton of money on this psychic person, then I doubt she would be willing to waste it all trying to fool this person.


you're one of the few comments (as of right now) that actually say nothing about the title. All the upvotes to you.

If I had a cat I would mail it to you for... science


I can feel him positively seething under his composed veneer in that letter

Edit: sweet mother of god, I doubled my comment karma overnight!  Woooohooo!


I used to have 9/11, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


Yeah, OP, that definitely sounds like a boring burbs.


Yeah, and rightfully so. I'll withdraw my comment when he becomes the greatest QB ever. He's not even the greatest QB playing right now.


BECAUSE OF ALL THE DAMN JAPANESE TAKING ALL THE FREEDOM FOR THEMSELVES


He calls women "whores" (I've been cheated on, I get the anger, but c'mon) and has a temper tantrum problem. They may be made for each other.


Hahah Es**poo** hahah lol


Seems like a real genuine guy.


I think at least one or two girl on girl photos are needed if she's to be believed.


You sick fuck. Get out.


or /r/ELIDON'TPLAYWOW


Ya know what? I'm ok with that. That is actually a very important and valid reason.

It's the same reason people like Google can't be bothered to filter everything on the internet. The job is simply massive. Beyond what the people at the record companies comprehend.


http://i47.tinypic.com/xcp1rp.jpg

needs to replace with american

http://i.imgur.com/bwrDS.jpg

american huntin license. free!

http://i.imgur.com/HpgsR.png

needs to be replaced with iraq war.

stay on the job until every murdering american is wiped out!


I choose to believe that there is one guy, somewhere, who has all the DLC. I like to imagine he is sitting in front of his computer with a train whistle and hopefully a conductors hat thinking "Trains. Fuck Yeah!" Just having the time of his life


I'm a fairly active member of /r/tumblrinaction (or, at least, I was until recently) and I can't think of a single guy there who had " issues with women in general", nor do I see any reason to believe that's the case with op.


So your beer had a yeast infection?


you're not worth the time i woulda taken to capitalize correctly


Don't you have them when the Flollyhomtom Knickerwhackers play the Bumpy-Upon-Snoggles Diggledoogers?

That's got to be a big game.


As an abled person, fuck you.  Not everyone who comments on reddit is a hypersensitive, holier-than-thou shitbag with no sense of humor.


This is goddamn fantastic.


My grandfather died and I found this picture to share with reddit after seeing a bunch of other grampa pics. Bullshit ? He was retired and flew all over the world on more planes than I know. He was also a firefighter and saved many lives. So relax and down vote but please , don't give up on reddit ...


OP was like "We have to play GameCube but you guys bring everything, I'm a horrible friend."


I don't doubt they have been watching, but hopefully now public pressure will cause them to speed up their investigation


TIL about the patriot guard and how awesome they are.


We don't know that he doesn't.  And, that wouldn't be a very wise use of the space, wouldn't you say?


Here's a geeky TED Talk to start with:
http://on.ted.com/Hypponen

Full disclosure: I did the talk.


Wow you bought a bicycle with a lawnmower engine for **$7,000**???????????

Good lord.


I hope he fucks a cheerleader.


Nice try, andrewsmith1986.


Momma' investing in her kid's karma and Likes stock early


Yup, and possibly all the innocent people who worked for the dealership and who had nothing to do with this video.  Fuck them too, am I right?  GO INTERNET MOBS!


This is one of those rare times where it's a-ok to look up your old teacher on social media and call them an asshole.


I used to challenge the bot to a steel cage match, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I never realized this but you are totally right. If I see anyone running I instantly think I should be following them, and also running


I'm angry about these things because they implicitly accuse me of being all sorts of bad things and because it doesn't matter who wrote the code (as long as it's decent).


He was like the personification of "nanananana betcha can't do your jobs"

Edit: do


Logged in just to upvote.