This isn't Twitter: try to comment on the article, and not your current activities.


lol you're some ugly ass white dude


In soviet Russia, bomb disarms you!


First of off, its not true, and second off, I don't want to answer questions about that. Lets focus on the film people.


"runin for senitur! #YOLO!"


Who made you reddit police? I will submit whatever I want.


You step motherfucker.


We gotta be...i consider my time valuable.


Isn't this putting Descartes before the whores?


Oh, bitch please. You've been threatening to leave us for months. You're not leaving. You need the attention.


because i'm serious about my dancing


How about  let the game speak for itself? I want this subreddit to focus on the game itself and not the people surrounding it. This was a goal set for this community from the very beginning and it will not change. I don't care what Jay Wilson said on facebook, people are allowed to express themselves negatively or positively however they want, but at the end of the day we are here to play Diablo.


I also find it ironic that 72 virgins are attacking these terrorists.


I don't think thats the most technologically advanced thing. Neat from a sci-fi point of reference, but what's the big deal? We send shit into space all the time.


Worst. Money launderer. Ever.


This was my [50th downvote](http://i.imgur.com/u57Ga.jpg)!

I have no idea what my contributed downvote ratio is, though. :(


A quarter for air?!

Well, I guess that's inflation for you.


You hush with your facts, these things only work if you cherry pick the data.


The cake. It's a lie.


Can we please stop upmodding people who contribute nothing?  Thanks.


This is literally the juciest secret in this thread for some reason. Not totally bland, but not overly obscene. Probably because this is something I could actually picture any person doing if given the chance.


GUYS, THIS GUY FLOSSDAILY STOLE MY WORK AND PASSED IT OFF HERE AS HIS OWN

LINK

http://www.rhymetorrents.org/Home/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=5927

THEN HE TRIED TO ACCUSE ME OF STEALING HIS WORK AND PASSING IT OFF AS MY OWN IN THE SAME THREAD

PRETTY LOW IMO


**Jenny said Zack wanted to meet up in the hotel for some kisses**

My favorite part of the story by far.


That is kind of fat though. I'm a man with the exact same height, weight, and waist size as you. That shouldn't happen.


"I'll just play it safe and cum in her vagina"


She became addicted to crack and is now living in a cardboard box behind a dumpster. Every day she wakes up wishing she hadn't. She works as a prostitute and her pimp beats her and makes her call him father while he rapes her.


Yer a redneck, Harry.


Came here to say this. Thank you.

edit: sorry but did I do something taboo to deserve all the downvotes? ... should I have instead just said "Thank you" ? What the fuck is the difference. I clicked on comments, scanned the comments for a similar comment to mine, and replied to it. Fuck you reddit, you fucking retards.


"Would you like to increase your chances at having a dinner with me by hiring me?"


OP's friend here. We're going to pay a quarter of it LOL

If you need verification, ask OP. He knows me.

I don't care about the downvotes. I still stand by what I typed.


Do you plan on annexing a portion of Ukraine for the baby?


Indeed I am. And look, I am getting so many imaginary points for this shit! It's marvelous! Last time I visited I was at 36 or something. Now it's almost doubled!


I asked my Russian friend this once. He told me he dreams in English because my mom only speaks English and his dreams are exclusively of fucking my mom. Your answer was far more interesting.


You seriously didn't know this?


Well yeah. Hydrox sounds like a toilet cleaner.


XD wow that was so le chilling I am LITERALLY shaking omg

edit: ok ok I'm sorry I apologize.  here I'll post a pic of a [sexy lady](http://echo.bigcuties.com/previews/echo_5%20%282%29.jpg) to make up for it.


Nvm i want to keep it


You comparing an executive business meeting to Inside the Game is flattering but completely out of line. If I was trying to run a business meeting I wouldn't have Destiny in there. He'd be running coffee for us or taking phone calls in a low cut skirt. I don't think your analogy holds up.


Or as we koreans call it, food.


If you ever turn against the internet, they will turn against you.

**I like that the internet turned against me for warning someone that the internet can turn against them.

Think I can break -1000?


Your parents need hobbies


The salt is real with you people.


Getting suffocated by being wrapped in a giant sheet of paper.


What makes that line so special? Is it... is it magic?


This was the first time I've encountered this type of behavior but I don't pay any attention to it. I've always looked up to Solid Snake from MGS and thought "wish I could be like him" or "what would Snake do in this situation".


FWIW, I've been lurking for a year now. Sincerely thought I came up with this one on my own. I probably did think of this because I saw it on the app. Go ahead, have your way with me. But I seriously thought of this one yesterday and thought, "Fuck it, join Reddit. They'll love you for this one, En Fuego."


that's what I'm saying man.


I'm glad that you are having a great time in my wonderful reaction gif thread, but I would really appreciate if you kept the swearing to a minimum. Since we're talking RPG games I've tagged this as a PG13 zone.

Thanks! :)

ps: it's ok (and I would strongly recommend) to edit your comment


"Just wait until tomorrow"


I'm sorry. but you're just as stupid as the parent. in your own way. you might not see it yet though.


Clearly... she doesn't have one measly document


Thank you for your trust.

We are actually developing the technology and prototype of fuel cell cars. The only divergence is when they'll be ready for mass market. We think it's too soon.

They're too costly and the infrastructure is far from being ready. But it's a very promising technology.


They need to know what bow shot the arrow to know what anti-arrow to use, just like with snakes.

EDIT: Thank you for the gold and raising awareness for the the 42nd most important issue of our generation.


OH GOD, OP DOESN'T NO EWE JUST MADE AYE PUN. EYE AM LAUGHING SEW DAMN HARD WRITE NOW


I actually don't think that is too outlandish. I have an Indian friend and he knows all the other Indians in town. They're all good friends and hang out together. If I ever meet an Indian, he probably knows them.


Uh yeah, why? Wtf haha.


Saffron sells for about $7/gram.

An olympic pool, according to wikipedia, has a volume of 2,500,000 liters. Saffron has a density of 0.14 grams/cubic centimeter, or 142 grams/liter.

142 x 2,500,000= 355,000,000

355,000,000 grams x $7/gram= $2,485,000,000. 2 and a half billion.

Welcome to the high life.

EDIT: Who the fuck gave me gold and why?


I didn't think I'd say this, but **enough is enough**. I made a joke, and it was super witty, but you guys are taking it too far. I chuckled to the first few replies, but now it's getting downright annoying.

So I plead to the lot of you, please stop!


It won't look like other cars


And people said herding redditors is like herding cats. Apparently all you needed is a line


Why would you want to tape a Mets game?


Dude, why do you keep posting!? You're going to get downvotes!


Blue link + read = purple


Wow youre a fucking retard.


There is not enough internet between me and you. I need a shower.


nice spelling douche bag


He's Goldmember and Fat Bastard too.


Don't presume things. Analyze them, ask for scientific evidence - that is the way of an intellectually enlightened person.

EDIT: Never does a true Atheist care about downvotes. Wake up sheeple.


How long did it take to cook? Just out of curiosity.

Edit: Thanks for the Gold, my first!


Shut up you unoriginal fuccboi

xd innernet points xd memes i have to say /thread to get comment karma cuz innernet points matter xdxdxdxdxd xd


Sounds like one of my houses in the sims


That escalated quickly


Um, Sarah Michelle Gellar and myself are credited in ROBOT CHICKEN many, many times for doing things that do not exist. Seth is our best friend, and we made him do it.


This is correct. You as a man are incapable of understanding. This is correct. As a person with male privilege you quite literally are incapable of understanding.


How do I reach these kids?!


There's a big difference between exploiting human stupidity and *being* stupid.

I'd be more likely to go to /r/politics and claim that Santorum wanted to have anal sex with me just to see the hordes of morons upvote it without even thinking.


I wouldn't call it drastic, but my penis is 5/8" larger than Ron's, in both length AND breadth, but it is held that he wields his with greater aplomb.


There's literally no evidence of any Jew ever being gassed.


i compose all my music myself


1984? A bit of an extreme comparison. We don't even have any real evidence that Huppenthal (or any of his colleagues) was involved. This sounds like a typical hatchet job from the liberals on reddit. Who cares if a good man has his career ruined, right?


If you cant handle me at my didliest then you dont deserve me at my doodliest!

EDIT:: Doodidily doh double gold for my new top comment!! Awesome


I'm almost certainly older than you.

Only adolescent boys and religious fanatics hang out with more males than a reddit meetup. Adult company means a free flow of people with at least a plausible gender mix - a slew of 21 yr old drunken males is not my kind of party.


Mmm. I'm more of an Outback Steakhouse gal.


I used to downvote people, but then I took an arrow to the [knee!](http://twistedsifter.sifter.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/dr-neil-degrasse-tyson-3.jpg)

YOLO


*"How to let a 93 year old Chinese man shit in your mouth 102"*

Edit: First time gilded, you guys are awesome. I'd totally shit in your mouth.


Hoping for the best. The guys from Blink seem like cool guys.


X gonna give it to her.


I'm clueless too! Someone explain?


She just gave him a kiss on the cheek, no need to jump to conclusions.

Edit: oh wow gold! And highest comment ever! Hi mom!


now that you are away from the experience and have normal dating and general relationships, well, do you remember his big black dick inside you every time you get fucked?


"Bertha...you see that apple there?...It's red" *dies*


I don't want to live in this world anymore T_T


2 Cold 2 War

Edit: Wow. 2 Thank 2 You for the gold.


Ok you can have one more post


I imagine flies would be the same

^^^^where ^^^the ^^fuck ^is the ^window ^^what ^^^the ^^^^fuck ^^^is ^^this ^place how ^the ^^fuck ^^^do ^^^^I ^^^get ^^out ^where's the ^shit ^^I ^^^am ^^^^hungry


You have male privilege. Congratulations. Slut is not a gendered slur for men. You quite literally don't understand the implications of the word slut since it hasn't been used to systematically oppress you or your sexuality.


I think... you're in the wrong comment thread


The definition of marriage does not include homosexuals, but definitions no longer apply.  Some people want to **redefine** marriage.  O'Reilly is right in this one.  If we can redefine marriage to include homosexuals, why couldn't we redefine it to include goats?  This crazy gay marriage insanity absolutely will lead to all kinds of things like that.


Very limited fonts.

Edit: cheers kind stranger. I'm here all week.


So you don't believe that states should have the right to govern themselves independently?

Edit: I'd like it if someone could explain to me why I'm being downvoted?


"Madam, a parcel hath reached you in the night!"


Fags is an appropriate metaphor. Read Amos 4:11 - a faggot is a firebrand.


Exactly, he should have known you all do coke instead. What an amateur.


I am not ashamed of a desire for intelligent inter-personal contact and a sense of social mobility.

toronto - the world - lives and breathes this way, even if many of you are not aware of it (yet, perhaps).


sorry to hear your wife's fucking another man.


What in the fucking fuck is going on around here?


I like to mix the pills to see if different pills will cure other illnesses. It must be working because some of them don't come back.


Probably the fact that they are useless to society.


Son, I hate to break it to you but rebelling against unfavorable tea-based regulations is an American's game.


How do you give god credit for saving you and not wonder why he felt it necessary to allow the slaughter of everyone you loved and a few million other people?


When they were in their late teens, my friends Ryan and Nick shared an apartment together.

They owned one fork between the two of them.

So they would have conversations like this:

"Hey Ryan, have you seen the fork?"

"Yeah, I was eating some noodles in front of the TV, so I think it's on the couch."


Wow you're a dumb shit for this. All you had to do was put him back in his crib before selfishly going to sleep and you would have a walking talking kid right now. You deserved it.


I like your username.


>I think the "woman who shot and killed a man" is the same couch surfing big brother person too.

You are correct

:)

With the end of class, I have way more time to work on this.

I have another fake iama currently on the front page of the Iama section. Although it might be only for me (over 30 upvotes)


TIL all Indians have butt sex with each other.

Wait, dot or feather?


Why is your comment being downvoted? Do people not see you're right?


Now marry and combine your properties so you don't have to move anything


A thinner laptop sans the optical drive does not make it "ultra portable." That is nauseating Apple marketing speak. Plain and simple. Just the use of the word "ultra" is bad enough.


And the cartel is based in Eastern Europe.

Coming this summer: Czech Mates


I just wish I could take it all back at this point... :-(


It looks like it's trying to whistle but it's sad about it.


Enough edits. Have link. https://apps.facebook.com/dousaflavor/?fid=50f6b2c8-4f4a-1030-b471-005056b90041


You're right. That *would* have been a strange sentence to say ten years ago.

Edit: Thanks for the gold! I've never received it before :)


Dude, it's just called **COMMON COURTESY**.

Stop pretending like it's the second coming of Christ.


Yea, every time.  In fact, my wife, son and I moved away to Brooklyn, NY. Last fall, when making our final visit home for the year to visit my wife's fam, I drove, just so I could get new tires there.  They're all still really nice guys.


This character in Rampart was the most difficult. I have a hard time seeing myself as a cop, being slightly anti-authoritarian, so I really had to immerses myself in that mentality. It was a challenge, but it was one I was psyched to meet. Especiallly working with Oren Moverman.


You let them vote then this shit happens.


Idk about the sign, but I doubt it will take 5 years to regret marrying a whale of those proportions.


Here you go my good sir: http://i.imgur.com/OwfWu.jpg


They are. But they look very similar, and the fact they are wearing the same clothes made the title fit.

Edit: Can someone explain the reason for the downvotes?


Kind of a classic Gaston move, if you think about it


What's the weather like in Jersey?


The bastard changed lanes without signaling?

Edit: /u/EasyTigrr many thanks


Well I thought i would point it out for the general reddit audience. (not the highest IQ lol) anyway I'm glad ya'll are enjoying another one of my links (:


You were right to be embarrassed, casual.


My wife and I had actually been talking about joining a class for about a month now. I'll have to get more serious with her about it. I'm going to look out for a center in our city as I doubt we will be initially motivated enough to teach ourselves.

If this could help with my stress/anxiety I would be very relieved to not have to resort to medication.


He *is* playing xbox...

EDIT: God dammit reddit 4000 upvotes and *gold* ^^thanks ^^/u/ChurchofGWB for explaining a joke?


If the interview was posted then that would be fine, but the post was about what Jay Wilson said on facebook. Bad or not that has no place on /r/diablo


Either way, you know something is coming.


I said this on a previous post on this topic and got super down voted O_O


I learned that the hard way, He's sitting over there cross the room playing Skylanders on Xbox.


well considering because of people like you and those commenting in this thread here, and so many more, most of the /r/lgbt mods wouldn't feel the slightest bit safe going to a reddit meetup and disclosing our identities, so good job :)


Now that's a...high dive.


Well I usually wouldn't say fun...intense, challenging, engaging, yeah.


Yes! Absolutely. I speak Russian to the baby all the time. My parents speak Russian to the baby all the time. And Ashton's taking Russian lessons.


We are sorry to lose your business.


Whenever there's a fire alarm at my work, we all leave RIGHT away. I mean we get in trucks and drive away from that building.

Being a firefighter is fun.


I took this pic with my phone on my way to work. the only way it could be a repost is if this kid frequents shops doing this. But hey whatever helps you sleep better at night.


Leonardo Dicaprio will be safe.


Yes, was expecting it. Karma is not my concern. The existence of douchebags is.


Was it Ranjit? Everyone knows that motherfucker.


I used to fight Diablo in Call of Duty, but then I took an arrow in the knee!


The kid lost an SO but gained a sensei.


Fuck I want nudes for? I want the real fucking thing. I never understood that shit. I also never understood why anyone would want a lap dance. It's not like you're banging her.

Edit: A captain goes down with his ship!


>a asteroid

an asteroid, Mr. President.


I will search, but how?


> Opened the knife drawer and found a block of cheese, which I had apparently decided was a knife the previous day.

Perhaps it was because the cheddar was so sharp.


oh great, another video that gives reddit a half chub for beating on women.


Challenge accepted! http://i.imgur.com/4OwIB.jpg


This is not about saying stupid things, but simply saying things that others do not agree with.


There was a thread where truck drivers listed places they won't stop.  Gary was repeated over and over.
* Edit:  [Here's the link](https://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2ryla3/truck_drivers_of_reddit_what_city_or_town_do_you/), you vultures


Starting with active meditation before a more intense workout routine is a great idea. I would love to get into some yoga-type of thing.


I was honored.

Beyond belief.

To be chosen, from the ranks of tens of thousands of Hollywood Actors, to be the head of the **F**ilm **A**ctors **G**uild.

For me to be the head of the F.A.G. was one of the most meaningful honors of my career.


I am satisfied enough just to bring this up, not really expecting to change things. And I am sorry, but your philosophy sucks and goes against what is good and hopeful in this world: people caring enough to say or do something. Although the issue of my OP is obviously a petty one.

(This is usually the point where joe_archer goes through my comment history and downvotes everything)


I haven't smoked in weeks and I feel like I've got a contact high from that question


Yet you pay for internet. Get your priorities straight bum.


"Are you being fresh with me?"


Psychology runs in my family, but I'm not in the field myself. I work in social media.


And then act super surprised and delighted when you pull out grapes from it.


i'd really be curios to see if you can provide us with a list... as far as i know, there has been no improvement in world hunger, slavery, abuse, hate, HIV, cancer, bla bla bla etc..

admit it, you just want to be part of something so you can high five your friends at school about how cool reddit is. grow up before ideas like this bankrupt the world.


That's racist. Why does it matter what color Marie was? She's a Mannequin American.


How the FUCK do you die from *meningitis?* Time traveler from the Oregon Trail?


That conniving little bitch.


Because he contributes nothing important to discussions, and I'm tired of the slow degradation of comment threads into a 5th grade art class (shitty water colors, good water colors, Etch a Sketches, old fashioned pencil, color pencils, MS paints, avocado carvings and on and on ad nauseam).

Thanks for asking!


Made me feel sorry for Keanu.


There is no short answer to that. If I have to pick one particular piece of advice, I would say prepare yourself  to perform in an ever-changing environment. You will need to adapt yourself very quickly to an industry that changes all the time at all levels: product, technology, management, process, organization, people, core business.


With a confetti/balloon drop, a marching band and a giant banner that says "YOU MADE IT!"


Everything up to your last sentence is 101 level information. Your last sentence is a non sequitur.


You can always rely on niggawolf for a good, clean joke to tell your family.


It's amazing how fast you respond in such a situation. You always think that you're going to grab your dog or laptop or whatever, but it doesn't even cross your mind. My house burned down when I was younger and I ran out butt naked into a crowd of people, flippity-flapping all over the place but obviously not giving a shit.

That's right, a crowd of people watched my house burn down.


Little brothers, represent!


Props?  What are you from? The 90s?


This is the only one in the thread that legitimately threw me for a loop, and I thought you were making it up. Sure enough, Charlie Chaplin lived all the way until '77.


That is what the search bar is for.

edit; bwahahaha!!


Use the pumpkin as a huge bowl full of other vegetables


I can't give you that 70th upvote. I'm sorry I just can't.
Edit: I even down voted this. How did gold find its way here? Thanks though, kind stranger


One does not simply ask the inventor of the WWW what he thinks about memes.


YOLO
OP'S A FAGGOT
ALL CATS ARE UGLY AND SUCK A BAG OF DICKS
I USED TO GET DOWNVOTED UNTIL I TOOK AN ARROW TO THE KNEE
SKRILLEX IS THE BEST MUSICIAN EVARRRR
R/SPACEDICKS IS THE BEST SUBREDDIT
FUCK RES
/B/ IS BETTER THAN REDDIT
KARMANAUT
MEMES SUCK
JESUS IS LORD
FUCK OBAMA HE'S A STUPID NIGGER THAT WASN'T BORN IN AMERICA
SANTORUM 2012
NAO UPBOAT ME BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"...when you pay back the last $0.00247"

Can't let motherfuckers round down on you


Yes, I'm aware the name exists already.  The company is in Florida I believe.  It's also a slightly different concept in that they appear to create the product only for the sick and dying.  Correct me if I'm wrong.


We could call it *re-incone-nation.*


Yeah funny joke. Sexualing yourself with a kid in your arms. HAHA


I've heard it's not like having your dick sucked, but rather that you are sucking a dick.


Can I haz downvotes too?


i probably have some mental health problems.


Agreed, meat tastes good.

PS, I hear rape feels great for the rapist. That make it OK?


OOOH! I think that's a great idea. No, I had never thought about having flavors from the graveyard come back for Halloween, but I think the guys here... might work to resurrect them!


Let's set aside the fact that he's on the internet and not googling first...

You're in a forum called history porn, WWII and most of the important stuff about it is like the first stop for anyone busting history nuts... The Luftwaffe and their screaming stukas should be common knowledge before entering this forum.

It's like going to the starcraft forum and asking, "How do i make marine?"


Wow, you're Korean. Are you a pop star?

*psy*


Just like I turned my upvote around.


You're both twisted. I love it.


People buy from people before buying a particular brand or product. The salesman is really the most important front line of a company like ours. You should always be conscious of this. If you are likeable, informative, educated, articulate, you are going to do a much better job.


That guy just broke up with a vegetarian.

Source: been there, done that


I've met many atheists who are more self-righteous, judgmental, and close-minded than most moonies are. Everything's a cult.


Don't be ridiculous.  As long as she keeps getting a steady supply of fresh human blood, she'll live forever.


I will be tuning in every night, sleeping to the sight of this will make me feel like an astronaut.
 [relating to  Earth Science](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0136020070?ie=UTF8&tag=polidebanews-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0136020070).


I turned your comment (with some light editing) into a song called "Singin' It With You Girl": [http://clyp.it/snuwajho](http://clyp.it/snuwajho)

Edit: Now that I'm rich (gilded), I'm rereleasing this song with an added verse. This will be the lead single on my Greatest Hits album, hitting shelves never: [http://clyp.it/womkgbxf](http://clyp.it/womkgbxf)


I guess you all do. My posts are getting downvoted because I said I lied. If you really didn't care, you wouldn't bother downvoting, now would you?


I always liked, are you casino Indian or slurpee Indian?


I cant stop laughing that someone from Reddit is complaining about stealing content.


Holy shit, you guys look like twins.


Cool story, bro.

Edit: -125?! Y'all are mad.
Edit2: -197. Come on Reddit! You can make it an even -200 before tomorrow! Edit3: Awww yeah! You did it Reddit! -202! It's beautiful.


He must have used a silencer.


I have never hallucinated as much on anything else, and I've literally done it all. It was the only time I ever felt completely disconnected from reality.


or polio

Edit: Thanks for the gold Stranger!, Glad my dark humour got a few laughs.


How much will somebody here pay OP to follow around Triachus for the rest of his life, making it a living hell.


Tell me more. When did KFC stop delivering?


Okay. I'm seeing comments like this even more now. I think I'm on to you...

You're a bot who takes the top comment(s), reposts it, with a link to Amazon products tacked on.

That's right. Gotchya.
 [relating to  Earth Science](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0136020070?ie=UTF8&tag=polidebanews-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0136020070).


> "Excuse me sir, but why do you have all those penguins in the back of your truck?"

"AM I BEING DETAINED?"


Fuck you. Fuck your family. Fuck your kids. Die. Digg is way better. 9gag for le life. Niggers suck. Kill everyone. Lil Wayne is amazing. Apple is a good company and PC sucks. I hate you. I fucked your mother. I took an arrow to the knee. Nope, chuck testa.


JUST AS DREAMY.

Just as dreamy, ladies. Just as dreamy.


I knew it was a happy meal. I was just trying to make a clever title :-/


I think it's written somewhere that jeans are exempt from the usual washing expectations.


The Op most likely did. This is why any form of gambling should be outlawed is because it exploits people susceptible to gambling addiction. It's just another problem with living in a country that so openly supports capitalism.


I spent way too much time thinking of shit like steel and iron and wondering what the fuck this is supposed to mean.


Or not be a passive aggressive assdouche and try talking to them.

Being an adult is hard.


I click baited you lol.


Good on you, Rosa Parks' bus driver, good on you.

People who perpetuate bigotry deserve no cookies for being polite.


Very bad. And his legs will be roughed up from being in that position for so long.

He'll be a super-calloused fragile mystic, plagued with halitosis.


*Fine*

I'll be happy with the ~~30~~ 29 cents I didn't have to pay, like a true Dutchman.


It's easier than developing your own character.


I DONT LIKE ZACH BRAFF OR HIS MOVIES OR KEVIN SMITH OR NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL AND I THINK DIGG IS A BETTER WEBSITE


There is no sleep as comfortable as the sleep you shouldn't be sleeping


That's just disgusting. Ruined this


Thats when the artichokes come out

E: :D thanks!


*you're.

FTFY in case those bloody grammar nazis show up.


That's one of the reasons I liked Malcolm in the Middle, their house always had the look of poverty. It was dirty, messed up, poor yard, and appliances constantly breaking down.

Also they didn't live in indiana which a lot of shows are starting to do to make it look like you're simple/poor. ^^Come ^^on ^^people ^^I ^^live ^^here


Honestly I don't understand. You guys literally wouldn't have a thread to comment in if I didn't link this picture. Show me some damn respect!


To be fair,I never stop my wife from doing anything because I'm always wrong.

Edit:  obligatory thanks for the gold.  Who knew lip-service to my significant other would yield sweet gold.


I know lol...

But now that I think about it, what does he gain calling users ugly ass jerks?

Had he simply pointed out, in a friendly manner, that he would appreciate if I valued his work, I would consider creating a paypal account to pay him, but now that he called me a ugly ass jerk, fuck him!
I've found a simple way to extended the trial to infinite times.


Would you say she's a *neigh*bor?


Uhh no you said if a man attacks a woman and the woman defends herself by saying "you don't understand" then that's an attack on you and they should be banned.

Lol @ that.


I'm sure she'll be surprised

edit: [OP's anthem](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZaJYDPY-YQ#t=37) (NSFW)


Your offer was known only to karmanaut, who was the only one you messaged about it, instead of posting it publicly or in modmail. While he should have shared that offer with us, you can't assume he will.


At that point I wouldn't have even charged her. Just a slow clap would suffice


I'm not surprised, knowing how the average gook drives.


Your parenthesis to paragraph ratio is strong, bro.


To everyone mass downvoting me right now: excuuuuuuse me for making a joke. Also, go fuck yourselves.


I really wanted one of you to shout, "You!" and just start fighting each other for everyone's confused enjoyment.


He is correct. Beck didn't deserve that award and he has a right to his opinion. Stop hating.


/╲/\╭( ͡° ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)╮/\╱\


Fuck you i'm an American

Your fascist downvotes mean nothing to me

Have fun thinking your imaginary points are worth anything while realizing on the inside i am right


"I was fucking 361 concubines a year which really pissed me off because it was 4 short of 1 concubine a day"


I would have preferred a screenshot. I am therefore calling fake on this post, and **downvoting** accordingly :-)

"Author unconfirmed" hahaha yeah right... enjoy downvote oblivion, OP :-)


I slept with a guy who obviously also thought this, he got in and just chilled there, very strange experience.


This comment will be the one that gets upvoted.

Edit: GODDAMMIT

Edit 2: Thanks for my 94 upvotes!


**^crinkle ^crinkle ^crinkle**

*...*

**^crinkle ^crinkle ^crinkle**

*...*

***CRINKLE CRINKLE CRINKLE***


This is tragic, I'm sorry he died and Imma let you finish but there is no god.


No. That's too much for me to handle.


Robb and Catelyn get murdered by the Freys in book 3.

Also Jon Snow is the son of a Tagaryean and Neds sister.


Great idea! http://i.imgur.com/7tsME.jpg


Its a fish dude. No reason to shut down a whole Walmart
Edit: So apparently disagreeing with someone is cause for all my previous posts to be downvoted regardless of topic. That makes total sense, good job trying to punish me for a different opinion.


Out of curiosity, as a 265 lb 6'1" American, If I go to places where the Chinese tourists are cutting in line, how okay will it be for me to pick them up and start tossing them behind me like a corn harvester going through a field?


He's Iranian. He can only do the Iranian videos which are all filled with repressed men who have no sex and hence need to fuck oranges. Thank the stars I'm not Iranian, and before you say it, yes I've a lot of experience with penetrating the actual female form.


He learned that it ain't easy,  bein cheesy


Should I downvote myself too?


The timeframe is not immediate, but we should be concerned. There needs to be a lot more work on AI safety.

And, with all due respect to the Roomba dude, that is not a concern
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Of2HU3LGdbo


But is the translator character reliable? He just fucking killed somebody who was trying to surrender, after all.

Edit: You guys are just so goddamn mad, aren't you.

"I know, I'll downvote him! That'll show him who's boss."


Also, Abe and Charles Darwin were born on the exact same day.


You want us to feel sympathy for an ambassador who was likely working to destabilize Libya from within and promote America's Imperialist agenda?


That's disgusting. Were her nipples erect? Describe her areolas.

(*thanks /u/Ergot16 and thanks /u/obscure_renegade. You both made my nipples perfectly erect. Check PM's for pics)


Couldn't tell ya I'm not constantly. monitoring this sub 24/7.

> turned out that it was something a wife sent to her husband that made its way to the internet?

Still trashy


Actually after age 100 the struggle is off because very few people die after age 100.


what happened to /r/marijuana? I know the moderator had some kind of problems... but w.e.

He's probably in a locked up somewhere for smoking too much dope, good riddance. I think he was racist as well...


Why not? Your mom did it with crabs.


Are you a moonie by chance?


"I masturbate, refresh the same webpages over and over, and hope that I'll muster up the willpower to tear myself away from the computer screen and do something worthwhile"


i'm sorry that happened to you, but fuck you and fuck your friend. that is terrible advice. part of moving on and getting over it for me involved spending a good chunk of my life at the fucking shrink's office.

i'm glad that line of thinking worked for you. keep it to your fucking self.


"Subject is deceased."

"Subject is deceased."

"Subject is deceased."


Yes.

Edit: I dont.....

What?

The fuck?

Sometimes i dont get the reddit. ever.

Edit2: [I accept my fate](http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/entries/icons/original/000/003/617/okayguy.jpg?1283381711)


Pokemon is a lifestyle, a tradition that stays with you, and no one knows that better than we of the 1stGen


Don't forget the third ring...the suffering.

Sorry, had to.


I'm particularly disappointed with the "Shitty__Whatever" accounts. They get popular for being terrible at something? What a stupid idea. It's like a race to the bottom, whereas upvotes should be reserved for something of unusual quality.


He's probably seen some fucked up stuff. Had to deal with the worst humanity has to offer. All that fighting, people dying. Also he was in the Marines.


The only criminal here is you acting like he should have abandoned a good life over a mistake your mom made.


Well that's one you just can't...passover.


This poster loathes Dane Cook. This poster is not trying to be funny. This poster simply thought it was interesting (for his own amusement, maybe) to leave a comment at the entirely opposite spectrum of what the OP had in mind.


I..... Have no idea how that would make me feel better... Sounds straight out of ed edd and eddy


haha more eyeliner than emo girls, and by damn, that is the brightest red chapstick anyone has ever seen. You must be using the chapstick that dorothy was using in Oz. and nice work trying to ignore the actual comments and making sarcastic comments instead, you totally, like, look like you're winning now. ohwaitihaveabrain.


"Well, first I'd Goog-"

"YOU'RE HIRED!"


Don't be ugly and you won't be offended.


>For a group of fucktards

For the first five or so words of your sentence I couldn't tell if you were talking about isis or anonymous


its cal**LE**d a scorpion fly. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mecoptera


Fun fact - from [IMDB](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005109/bio?ref_=nm_dyk_trv_sm#trivia).

>Auditioned for the situation comedy That '70s Show (1998) at age 14. Though actors had to be at least 18 to get the role, she truthfully claimed she would be 18 on her birthday, not specifying which birthday, and won the role.

Oh Mila. You're so cheeky.


Cum all over me daddy....

edit2;shower my penis in your downboats mmmm yes delicious

edit3;CUM ON FUCK ME IN THE ASS NIGGER FUCK ME IN THE ASS MANDINGO


... anything else slip your mind?


Trust me it's in there.


You had me at "Hello, world." ;)

Edit: Thank you so much for the gold! I'm glad my cheesy comp sci humor was entertaining enough for you.


shit, i didn't read that far, deleted


holy shit I didn't even know I did that it was blind


As I said, with my family, it's a strong bond. So that helps. But I relate to a character and his love of his family. For example -- I have 3 daughters, Dave Brown has 2.  That pain he was feeling when things are not going well. That..that I can really sink my teeth into that. Sink my emotionality there.


Like the groups of people who stop in the middle of congested hallways/sidewalks? AHH


Gee, you've unnecessarily assumed a bunch of stereotypes off the bat, mate.


Don't be a **nice** driver. Be a **correct** driver.


ya! name and shame. also, i loled


> He was taking her side until I showed him the video.

I was thinking of a situation like this a while ago. 100% getting a dash cam now.


You are making me hate reddit. Fuck off.


i would go totally overboard until he asked me to stop calling him sir.

"Hey Jim, could you change the.."

"OH YES SIR ROB, OF THE HOUSE COSTA COFFEE. I WILL LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU, MY LORD."


Be sure to thank god for not only saving your life and single handedly finding your dogs apparently, but getting you into a wreck, totaling your car, and making your dogs run off, because those all can't possibly be just consequences of having a brain.


That comma was important.

Edit:  I would like to thank the Academy and the kind stranger for the gold.


>Damn that's derp...

FTFY


Male social worker, here. Pretty much on the same page.


Enjoy my downvote. Quit being an asshole.


"Oh I'm not being persecuted, I'm just an asshole."


Honestly dude, why would you do that?

He bought the dog. It's his dog. It wasnt going to die. Why ruin the guys life because you think you're being a good Samaritan?


Oh god. This is the worst one here.


It's funny how no ethics committee in the world would allow a child to be raised to believe in the existence of the supernatural, yet billions of parents are doing it every day. It makes you wonder why people fear psychiatrists and trust their priests, when psychiatrists are at least educated and raised to be cautious and show restraint.


ಠ_ಠ I appreciate your anonymous Internet honesty, but as a firefighter I gotta say fuck you.


Your answers are so vague that this seems more of an advert for your book than a proper IAmA. It's horrible what happened to you and your friend.. but you could actually explain and answer questions more than with simple and basic answers.


We call that one Beyblading. "Let em rip!"


Can you just not comment here until you grow up a little


My husband said this should not be considered a harmless prank because if it happened to him someone would be harmed.


I'm not interested in karma, I'm interested in quality content in r/soccer. Let's hope that the OP learnt his lesson.

Here's the original:

http://www.reddit.com/r/soccer/comments/v6h15/the_united_arab_emirates_plan_to_build_the_worlds/


Whenever *anything* goes wrong and I'm driving I turn down the volume.

* Ambulance behind me? Turn down volume.
* My friends in the back start arguing? Turn down volume.
* I'm trying to parallel park? Turn down volume.
* Someone flips me off? Turn down volume.
* Someone cuts me off? Turn down volume.
* Someone doesn't use their blinkers? Get angry and tell Reddit about it.


Sounds more like a scumbag for fucking over some other random stranger who has to pay the tickets. Meanwhile, the officer probably gets a pay raise for meeting his citation quota early. Way to stick it to the man...


But beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder


Sorry i thought this was a historical forum not Yahoo answers: history edition


Dude. The pastabilities would be endless


>ultraportable

Apple babble.


Uhg! Those disgusting strip clubs with girls on their periods! I mean, there's so many of them though! Which ones? Which strip clubs have these girls on their period?


People seem scared to post on this thread, I can take the downvotes bring it reddit


ya but how much is an eighth where you live


NO, BUT MOTORCYCLE BOY CERTAINLY PASSED ON.

OH HAR HAR HA HAR


this is fucking hilarious


Oh, you mean the account created just for this submission that seems to know all about the issue even though the only post before this one was one in a restricted subreddit?


What do you call a cow with two legs?

Your mom.


HI WEDDIT I'M DA MARKITING MANAGUR OF DA AMAZON GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BRODER ID DA PWESIDENT OF DA WEDDITS GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


My Great great-grandfathers slave-master.


upvote for profound pedantry.


those quad gainz tho


You're a fucking idiot. The guy should have kept the account so you learned a valuable lesson on not having the IQ of a 4 year old downsyndrome child.


Jenny is Butters' new bottom bitch.


Incognito doesnt mask an ip address idiot.


I do this all the time. If I've met you, and I think you're cute, you're damn right I've thought about our cottage by the sea and our townhouse in the city. And the names of our two dogs.


Oh god... I can't even bother reading that fucking subreddit. It's the worst subreddit on this entire site.


"Sans Oculus"

EDIT- Thank you for my first and second golds ever, anonymous redditors! I'm glad I could brighten your day!


Found the Americans.

Edit: whoa, rough crowd. Thought we could agree that excessive monetization was annoying and stereotypical of American culture (also, am American).


A long time ago I wanted to do a story that involved some really big magnets that I had gotten hold of and told the producer about it. He said
"Jamie, how many times do I have to tell you that the show is called Mythbusters, not 'Jamie and Adam build weird shit' ". I guess I would like to just build weird shit.


its hilarious.

You're an idiot.


Thats 16,666,666,675,000 150ug hits of acid. At $10 a hit thats over $166 trillion dollars or you could give every person on earth over 2000 hits of acid.


You are such a stupid fucking slut.


She seems WAY more reasonable than 99% of the world's population.


no, because you steal enough of our tax payers money you leach...you were too lazy for mcdonalds and too stupid for college..so you copped out and joined the system...FUCK YOU


Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?

"Ask your sister"

I don't have a...


If OP is removing paneling from the wall he's tearing the wall down anyway... are you homosexual?

Edit: just wondering cause he sounds like this interior designer i had


Sometimes it's buried in a service menu and you have to hold three buttons and sacrifice a goat to Satan while the TV turns on to access it.


Read the tags on the item you moron.


Or if she goes "Stop!" and you go "Hammer time!" and just go faster.


but women expend physical resources while males do not. that is why men pay to equalize the amount of resources for the child.
yes, one dates to see if the person would be a candidate for passing along the genes.
we can paint it however we want but the facts are our biology and our biological reasons for dating and sex.


"That's amazi.. Oh, nevermind."


Really? Well, that changes everything. Guess I'd better call the whole thing off. Boy do I feel dumb for rushing into this when it was so painfully obvious that it wasn't the right way to go, huh?

Your arrogance astounds me. You didn't even present a real argument, just said not to do it as if you were the first person to say that. It gets pretty old, man.


This can't be true.  It's too much.


...yeah that's not an excuse


Or one person enough of a single dosage to stop time and speak with the Dragon lords. But only for 6 seconds. Worth it.

Paramedics would arrive and find you standing on the liquid lsd in the center of the pool. Just standing there.


You're welcome! Down voted for use of "dat". I will also down vote anybody using "doe" as in "dat slutmog doe". It sounds really, really stupid and I hate it.


Had to talk to my kid about searching for porn of girls his own age.  Ugh.


Like he is an ape who needs to get taught things because he isn't intelligent enough to figure it out by him self?


Why is that "perfect" thing almost always have me in a muscle-cramping hell or right when I'm on the edge and need to slow down else I'm going to explode?


>as someone who is supposed to be a neutral rule enforcer.

You do not get to decide what the job of a mod is unless you create a subreddit.

Subreddits are kingdoms and you can start your own whenever you want but do not pretend that anything is owed to you.


Is it because you think you are fat? cause your not, you could drink whole milk if you wanted.


i bet he's subscribed to r/mensrights


It pisses me off because you can tell they spent literally all of their budget on the Kate Upton commercials. I mean, they didn't even have enough money left to come up with a legitimate name.


Of course it's regretable that their work goes unrewarded but come on, do you really think anyone can make living by selling ice when there is a freezer in nearly every house? Sure it might be a nice block of ice and I do admire your handiwork but do you really expect me to buy it?

By subjugation I mean of course DRM and how it's affecting us.


Actions speak louder than attempted kisses.


You should cockslap them


Ah, the Just-Ass League.


That means you're poor, so nobody cares.


>All of this, ALL of this and she still finds no problem kissing me after I have licked her asshole.

Until this point I thought it was time you got a new girlfriend, but now I think she's a keeper.


but they're all so bad


People ask you that?

Edit: I dont know i got gilded twice but Im not complaining.


plays ken, one oif most op mid and still gets owned

edit:stop downvoting me assholes ive taken enough already


That's as many as 23 tens.

And that's terrible.


Usually I get downvoted, so maybe here I would get upvoted ?


Hell, I can't even look mine up online.


Who is this "Christ" you speak of?


The more expanded version (but not quite so clean):

Why do elephants paint their balls red?

To hide in cherry trees

What's the loudest noise in the forest?

A giraffe eating cherries.


> Both dogs were found, thank god

way to go, god.

&#3232;\_&#3232;


"I had sex with your daughter last night and I was wondering... would it be ok if I took her to a movie or something like that?"


1. I'm from France, and we don't use the up-underscore in between words. my ocd is literally causing me to downvote you.


I feel sorry for the pledges parents that pay those credit cards.


She's probably wondering why I'm not still fucking her. (I came already. Right after she came 3 times)


Must be a PC gamer.

**Edit:** Thank you for my first gold!


And the people who upvoted this post apparently, I posted it to make people laugh and it worked, it really shouldn't be this upsetting to anyone.


You're quick at labeling someone a racist.


> and it was tears of joy

Not lacking in the confidence department I see.


Exactly. And I'd hate to be shamed in this internet courthouse.


Well, to be fair, if your vagina involuntarily slammed shut you'd look around to see what caused it too.


Still works for me. But in a few hours nobody will care anyway. This is the attention span of the Internet.


does anyone else feel the cold? it's freezing in here


^ this guy gets it!

only reply worth uptoking (shoutout to /r/trees) in my great thread


At first I was like what an asshole, but then realizing he thought you were speaking Klingon, that's hilarious.


It's actually called a spawn protection emoticon. Simply tap B and Up on Dpad together quickly and the character will express an emotion. Cool addition to the game. Nintendo really thought of like, everything, when it came to this rendition.


I was on a train in Bulgaria, conductor said that my passport is expired (I'm pretty sure it isn't) and asked for 50 euros, I said "hell no", then he said I'll call the police and I was like "yeah go call the cops you scammer" Police came and..."100 euros or I'll arrest you"


I used to physically direct people sexually, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


i think you're all 100% of that population.


Malone was not Popovich or Carlisle. He was a decent coach who got canned. If Cousins can't handle this, he isn't a franchise guy.


I do that too!!!! Which way to the space company club?


You stop. You people are making me sad at humanity. Buncha whiney fatfucks crying over some stupid ass cat. He takes the picture like the cat is fucking depressed, which is the most idiotic shit I've ever seen.

You all need to die before you can breed. This idiocy is outstanding.


Bathroomerangs are for emergencies only.


I deleted the comment and banned her because she follows me around and makes up crazy shit. Read her fucking posting history.


That's a natural reaction when you need to focus. Reducing unnecessary stimuli helps you pay attention to something else, even if it seems like music is completely unrelated to parallel parking.

Edit: I...I don't understand what's happening here


by having listened to women and read what women say about the topic and internalized their words and thoughts on the matter.

instead of coming up with my own bullshit mansplaining opinion on the meanings and reclamation of the word "slut"

what do *you* do when there is an expert on the topic with personal experience? dismiss them and say "fuck it, my opinion is just as good"?


I'm from the UK, so mine will inevitably be revealed as sex offenders.


All his life, he dreamed of being buried.


Hey! Fuck you buddy!

Edit: Wow. Gold, highest rated comment. I love you all.

P.S.  French canada sucks.


Knowing the rules and performing an action that's completely legal. Pretty sharp from Neymar actually.


I see my ex-husband made it to the thread.


Oh it didn't take much time at all, and I was kind of bored. The post took all of 3 minutes to make and then I went and did something else.


Where did the soda go?


You are a disgusting person.


> only for them to arrive exhausted, and find 'me' standing at the bar, drink already in hand.

Wearing different clothes.


So... pug got your tongue or something? Or you just can't justify your comment with something intelligent?


Check with your older siblings.


reddit is not your personal facebook page, i don't give a flying fuck if she's found 2 weeks later in a ditch full of coagulated cum, get this shit off of my reddit


I think your neighbor took his april fools joke a bit too far. He got too many people involved.


No, actually. I lost all of that when I got cancer. My Christian boss refused to fund my insurance because I am a liberal atheist and my parents and friends literally abandoned me when they found out I supported Ron Paul.

Reddit, can I get some love? I made the pizza man draw a picture on the box! Surely that is worth something!


You bastard. I trusted you.


> but does have the ability to differentiate dickish statements from non-dickish ones by analyzing their reasoning


Plot twist: The original unmarked photo gets uploaded. OP realises he's been insane all along. Goes ahead with threat to rape himself.

10/10 birthday all round I'd say.


Well atleast U/Beautiful_Anus not


Two birds with one bone


who would want to kiss a freak with no tongue?


Mormons are required to sell at least 300 bikes in their lifetime or they won't be allowed into Heaven.


Its true different people have different expectations but i definitely dont think that is enouhh to be making at 29. I have friends who are programmers making 100k at 23


This one drives me nuts. A man is something I am, not something I have to try to be.

I have plenty of roles that take a lot of effort. Father, brother, husband, son, colleague, boss...All of *that* is important. I'm a man regardless of what color apron I'm wearing while I bake cookies and listen to Taylor Swift.


Any life is better than no life. Is Reddit full of idiots or something? Can't believe I'm getting downvoted.


I WILL MOW YOUR ASS OVER.
=========================


Well I know what I need to do to my sexual partner then.


If I don't make it out alive make you tell my wife.. Tell her.. Cough cough.. Tell her.. She's a bitch


Fiiiiine, I'll read it. But I'm really tired of internet arguments, so I might not respond past this.

**EDIT** - Yeah, I gained no new information, but at least your post was well-thought-out. Have some cookiss


Thats not slimy, it's just smart


Through his telescope. While wanking.


That was the day you knew you made the right choice being a teacher.


> I prefer people not being cheated out of their content just because it's a picture.

Please find a battle worth fighting because this is just pathetic.


Germany is perfect in every way.*

^^*June ^^1945 ^^onwards, ^^terms ^^and ^^conditions ^^apply

And I say that as a Brit, Germany is the fucking tits these days. Friendly people? Good. Beer? Good. Sausages? Good. Busty beer hall women? Good

What's not to love?


You should care.

You could make yourself look significantly better and the effects will be wide spread. People will treat you nicer, doors will open up, you will wind up making more money with a better husband and a significantly improved life.


You talking Ring of Fire or just plain Hurt?


This stinks of autism


You act like you forgot something to cover up the fact that you forgot something?


Are you the fat bitch? Maybe that's what killed your weak husband. He prayed to the gods for death, because that would be better than being married to a bush pig.


I wish it were tighter. Just had a physical and the doctor had to aim for the side.


It's pretty clear where I got it from -- there is a giant ass "other discussions" tab at the top you can click on. If you can't figure out how Reddit works then PM me and i'll do my best to explain it to the new comers.


Nonchalantly drops that she's a squirter in there. Bravo. Have an upvote


And folks, we have our first troll.


Let's be honest, once the camera's stopped rolling the producers wouldn't have given a fuck

EDIT: Me fail English? That's unpossible


No reason for him not to, since he's on his way out. I'm calling troll if he doesn't. No reason for him not to identify himself, since he's soon on his way out. I'm calling troll if he hasn't or doesn't.


appropriate response: "Yeah, I was on that show about unsolved missing interviewers."


lol i really have a knack for picking front page material ayy guys? you guys are more than welcome! :D


Obviously you've never played Battlefield


Please go out and volunteer for little kids or others in need


> "If your faith can be shaken by a drawing, then you have none."

http://i.imgur.com/sO3GvIYh.jpg


You don't even know me so you can't possibly call me a terrible human being.  Lighten up and calm down.    Thanks for the support.


Contrary to what he told you semen does not cure the common cold.


I find it hard to believe that a black Christian would be trusted less than me, a pale skinny ass white boy atheist.


Comments like this blow my mind. I haven't had head since my honeymoon. My house would literally be *filled* with lunchables. If I ever forgot to buy one, I'd sprint to the car, go back to the store, rake the entire shelf of lunchables into my cart, upend my wallet on the cash register, and speed back home.


He replied almost instantly, 4 hours later?


> locks the door behind us and tells me to face the wall.
> "What? I'm not-"
> "FACE THE WALL!"
> "Fuckin Sara Conner over here ..."

Please tell me I'm not the only one who thought she was going to fuck him from behind at this point?


Well, it was bland, so thats English Traditional all the way, or so I've heard :)


Highly illegal question in the United States. I love your response.


I hope OP doesn't get shot. But I hope his kids get shot in the head right in front of him


Using Nine Inch Nails lyrics as pick-up lines: probably not the most effective strategy.


Well I did use his imgur link but you're right, I forgot to get that all important link to the PS Battle.

What was the name of the photographer who's image was being photoshopped? exactly.


Two soldiers are in a tank. One looks at the other and says,

"BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB"


Of course he was in the last place we looked. Be kinda dumb to keep looking after we found him.


"yeah, they chose to abandon you!"


You're just mistaking the language. Trevor is actually pronounced Joey.


Ha ha, didnt get a cut. I see what you did there.


>I like sodas that have had dicks in them

That's kinda gay, breh


As far as I'm concerned, yes.


mommy? more like momwned. haha


all of them. and some of their mothers.


You have dumbass friends if they freak out from such a pathetic "trap".


You have to remain unfound for 5 days, not the rest of your life.


Wow, what a fuckin sad loser the OP is.

Wife left him and he feels the need to post his shitty situation for ~~karma~~ pity points.

enjoy the said shitty rest of you're life OP. No wonder she left u.


"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life."


There are times and places to put her in her place. Your mother's birthday should not have been one. If you left her name out intentionally that was a dick move and you should feel bad. I bet it didn't make your mothers birthday any better.


He was repeating his experiment to see if he got the same results. You've got a scientist in the making!


She is ugly though, so that's normal.


In 1903 the Wright brothers flew for 30 seconds. 38 years later the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. 28 years after that we landed a man on the moon, and returned him safely to Earth.

All in the span of one lifetime.


OK let's try this, I did this with my toddler sister.

Word: Aerodynamic, Associated concept: flight.

For the simple-minded, aero: flying

There is no flying in this picture, only fast moving. Hence the word does not apply here.

If my sister gets this, I have  hope that you can too.


So, early 20th century South Carolina?


How's the 8th grade coming you naive little stupid kid?


The complete opposite for razors. Ladies' razors are just crap compared to those for men.


Are you ignorant of the fact that backup systems exist?

Oh look 36 meaningless down votes, indicating that I've touched a soft spot with 36 ignorant Americunt hillbilly redneck whitetrash retards. Think I'm wrong? Show me the facts; otherwise, you're just another white ghoul idiot to me.


Guy manipulates girl into liking him. They fall in love. Girl finds out what guy did. They break up. Guy wins girl back. Credits roll.  I feel like I've seen this movie already


OP should just put her down.


Not getting to see them grow old is even worse.


I think you've hit the nail on the head: the sexist asshole faction of Reddit is crying in their diapers that Reddit is run by one woman instead of two men.


I read somewhere where it says ...If you fart whilst receiving a blowjob and they keep going like nothing happened, you are required to buy your partner something shiny and valuable


Who said it was a joke? It's just a funny video.  There is no story behind it, no tale. It is what it is. I thought it was funny. And a few others thought it was funny as well. I've completed my goal and i'm happy that the people that saw it got a decent chuckle.

Oh and, yes, he was being sarcastic. Sarcasm isn't just saying the opposite of what someone says in a gloomy condescending tone.


If you get caught and go to a community college, you'll find a hilarious study group.


Bro you need to be sorry because you failed big time.  Don't submit again until you've read the sidebar out loud to yourself 50 times.


Have you informed him that you've fucked his mother?


I'm not willing to give a pass to spam that Reddit likes. Solinvictus was banned for spamming despite having over a million karma; clearly people liked his submissions.

I have no reason to be loud about it, though.


Oh. OH! OOOOOOHHHH!

Oh.


I don't know why this is downvoted! I studied neuroscience in undergrad, in a top research university, and I'm currently a graduate student. As far as neuroscience is concerned, from everything I'v studied, DID and multiple personality disorder is bullshit.


Wilmer Valderrama, on that 70's Show.


Hi. I went through your comment and submission history and downvoted everything on the first 3 pages.  I have to sleep now but when I get home from work tommorrow I'll do some more pages, and make a start on rcmeup's comment and submission history. I may do this on my other account as well.


Where does one provide this courtesy tap to? Just flick her in the forehead before I blow my load?

Edit: Thank you, random stranger for my first gilding! :D I'll never forget it!

Edit2: WHAT!?! Double gilded?!?!?  Thank you so much, stranger!!! :D


It was also posted a long time before that.  Nobody has ever changed the title.  How can you improve perfection?

Edit:  downvote away... this post is going to the top of /r/funny and you can't stop it..  haha

Edit #2:  Up up and away!  Look at it go!


To make it worse: individually clamshell packaged tic tacs.


thank god, we needed more downvotes for correct opinions with negative points already


And that's how /u/Captain_Dipshit_ was made.


Mw3 > skyrim + diablo 3 sales for a reason

And before some dumbass gives a mcdonald's vs nice restaurant comparison, remember that they sell for the same price, over and out


This breaks the windshield.


Trust me, when they take out 1/16 of each tube and cauterize the ends
it's permanent.....  :P


I think the backwards Oreo would actually be convenient for most people.


Right, because the best thing to "help" anyone is to call in a hostile, armed individual with the power to destroy your life.


You should stop knowing that person


i do not like kittens nor do i like bacon.


seriously if this isn't playing life on expert mode I don't know what is


Please consider retiring your account. Reddit is not an imageboard. If you want reaction gifs, you're probably looking for 4chan, not Reddit.


The police are on their way. Target doesnt forgive. Target doesnt forget.


In other words, the employees left the store looking like shit... For somebody else to clean up.

I'm supposed to feel sympathy for these people, why?


Yes

**Edit**: My highest comment and gilded (thank you!) for saying one word? It's official - I am no longer going to try.


I wouldn't wake her up at 11:55. I would empty my balls into her at 11:54.


TIL Seth Green was friend zoned by Sarah Michelle Gellar and Mila Kunis


That sounds waaaay too close to something a rape apologist would say. Honestly, we have no idea whether or not she likes men.


Mr. Rogers is the person to whom I would fall to my knees and say, "I'm not worthy!"

Then, of course, he would say, "Of course you are, just the way you are."

I look at that guy, and realize that there is absolutely no way I could be one percent the human that he was.


Are you...serious? It's been added in Paint


And you're still reminiscing about him *20 years later.* That guy had legend potential.


You are never going to make it back but if you do bring me with you.

http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uxee8/when_i_found_out_i_can_downvote_by_pressing_z/c4zkaxr


Ironically, that kind of does fit with Cosby's vision though.


I should care about downvotes? "Hey everyone! Downvote this one even more! Thanks!"


1 Air Bud

2 Air Bud: Golden Receiver

3 Air Bud: World Pup

4 Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch

5 Air Bud: Spikes Back

6 Air Buddies

7 Space Buddies

8 Santa Buddies

9 Spooky Buddies

10 The Shawshank Redemption


Kind of just proves his point.


left side strong side


That was a waste of two months of your life.


I think he was really referring to the vuvuzela /s


YOU BROKE THE RULES<

I SIED ONLY ONE POST


http://youtu.be/aahWNFojzMU

Welcome!


Ok, so this isn't some kind of inside/pop culture joke? Really, honestly, there's nothing I'm missing here...? Just...THIS, on it's own...is funny? How old are all these people?


Can't wait for middle school students to read this and start a new trend.


**Highjacking** to say I'm being mass downvoted in the bottom by **feminazis**. Please **upvote** to fight them and give your support to **men's rights**.


Dillweed?  Is that you?  I haven't heard from you since school.


Not sure why you told him, he's on a computer, he can google it (then again he only has 6k karma in over a year, he probably doesn't know how). Or else he shouldn't be on reddit.

Sorry, I'm just a little salty, guys, that he ended up with top comment in my awesome thread. As OP it's rare to run into great originals gems like this one! ):


Curiously enough, almost all hookers I ever heard interviewed would say that no small portion of their customers would come, pay them the full rate and then want nothing more than to be hugged and held.

Now I'm sad.

*goddamit reddit, now my highest rated comment is about hookers*


Holy shit. I hate the reddit patting of the back on a great comment. Why not just up vote right? I couldn't help it though. This one is so good. This might be the most clever, and enjoyable to read response I've ever read on here. Thank you for it. Thank you.


We found the five year old.


ERLERGERNT??? MAHTHERMAHTERCS ERERNT HERMAHN.... SMH


I hit my shin on the toilet the other night. It hurt so bad, I'm certain I saw my dead grandmother.


I beg to differ, but you are entitled to your opinion, as ill-constructed as it is.


What the hell did she report?

*"Reporting for duty sir. Empoyee on register three presses the buttons with a manner of insubordination the likes of which I haven't seen in my entire five minutes as Hawk Face the Powernator."*


Exactly, leave the women to us real men, right, bro? You play with your shiny little medals and your cartoon muscles while we get the job done. It's not like bodybuilders are known for their sexual prowess anyway, is it? I mean the only women who like them tend to be the kind who like getting beaten up as their way of getting off, you don't need a penis to beat someone up...


Oh my god that sounds so annoying. Why do people feel the need to act like badly written sitcom characters?


heheheheheheh well that didnt happen did it?  XD  You predicted wrong and now you can never go back!  hahahahahahahaahahahahaha edit: sorry i'm drunk


Clean one skid mark, two more will take its place..


Bunch of gay 15 year olds on here :-\


They have other uses ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Edit: Thanks for the gold, anonymous benefactor!


did you do this before or after she died?


>"I felt like I had to go apologize to her parents after doing that"

I died


Red pill guy here, no its not, and any talk of abusing women will get you banned from the sub


What did batman say to robin before they got in the Batmobile?

["Get in the Batmobile"](/s)


here you go
bring the downvotes bitches #YOLO
9GAG.COM


And every captcha is something related to this:

http://i.imgur.com/PaWCWbg.jpg


None of those haircuts were mullets. What a dumb video. A mullet is short on the sides but this is just long hair. It's really funny how they keep tossing their heads about like women though, long hair really has an immediate emasculating effect.

I guess it's okay for you to be wrong this time so I won't downvote you but next time check whether it's right first before parroting it.


"I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you."

"Good luck."

"kbai, seeya later budy \^.\^"

"ttyl :D"


MY DADDDYY SAYD DAT YOU SHUD SEND HIM DA COFIN GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!! HE SAYD DAT YUR FRIEND KILL DA SANDNIGRAS GAGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


No Beaker answers yet? You're all distasteful bastards if you don't think Beaker is the best.

Edit: Meep for the gold mate.


Nobody cares what Seth and his fellow lard butt buddy michael moore say.


It could be. Start with the most glaring problems...shape the marriage into something that works for both of you. Fill the wounds of resentment. Polish that thing up!


Top comment with 0 replies? Let me fix that for you.


Just for you: http://imgur.com/gallery/fNuq5
Edit: Wow, this blew up! I would first like to stress that this IS NOT OC (It's not mine). Second I would like to thank whoever gave me gold!
Edit 2: Gold x2! I'd like to thank the studio, Whom helped me achieve this. I'd also like to thank my wife, who would be standing right here --IF I HAD ONE!


Really? You prefer a picture without any context?


I on the other hand thought you just sucked the salt off and then spit them out. I had no idea there was anything inside.

EDIT: I was about 12 when I discovered the truth. This was not a recent discovery.


This is the clip that turned me on to girls pissing in public and sexy public flashing and sex. Look up extreme public piss if you want pissing or look up ftv public if you want sexy public flashing.


Fry some more gnocchi. I think you just need the oil a little hotter.


You're fat, aren't you?


Can my husband join us too? He loves a free meal.


I have no desire to rehash everything I've already told you in mod mail. But the fact that you've spent money to make paintings doesn't justify spamming.


Jesus how many times did you vote!?


Why does everyone hate arrow to the knee jokes? They are supposed to be funny!


>Never trying to make it a racial issue, but note to thyself be aware of everything going on and do not stereotype

makes it a race issue


Those aren't rules, those are reasons for why comments are treated differently from posts.


There are few swords that cut so deep as the blade of unrequited love.


Meow. I don't think men are dogs, I just think you are *men*. When you see a good looking girl, you think, "I want to fuck her.", not, "Hmm, I wonder what her personality is like." That's OK, just freaking say it!

**EDIT:** See, downvotes.


Your mom sounds like a very unhappy person.


Which has worked so well in the past.


TIL Canada has eliminated the penny.


But don't you dare bring up the topic of sensible gun control.


Your brother pulled it to your video.


You don't 'practice' faith. You impose faith on others when done so publicly. And yes religion is stupid and poisons everything. Religion is a vestigial remnant of an ignorant past. It's disappointing to see someone so boldly breaking across a new frontier, but carrying over superstitions... Might as well have chanted Magical incantations to nurture his assurances of success.


Uh, no. Not really.

There was a slight disagreement between whites and non-whites. But that wasn't a really big deal.


It's really not that funny.  It's just crude humor.  There's particularly clever or original about it at all.  It's 12 year old toilet humor.  It's funny, but hardly the best.


>every hispter douche has a beard now

>I've had a beard for 10 years

IDK man somethin ain't adding up here


Hi Jamie , I am wondering if you guys are homosexuals.  If you are that's ok and you seem pretty cool for a gay considering you don't  speak like a girl.


Subject is alive, applying shotgun.

Subject is deceased.


Oh, I wasn't saying it was you (although, rereading the comment, it does sound like that). It's pretty clearly Shitty_Watercolor.


Evolutionary instincts made your words seek higher ground.


Oh so this is where the downvote brigade came from.  LOL.  Hypocrisy.


Can you help me with Kerbal Space Program?


STOP. POSTING. BELOW. THE LINE. WE WILL GET DONWVOTED!


You spelled bitch wrong.


I used to play Half-Life 3, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


two kids and a divorce.


How dare anyone question racism and casual rape apologism, right?


I saw someone spit in that thing once


Someone is either cutting up onions in here or guns get in your eyes.


I.... did you just do it again?

Edit: I DIDN'T DO IT. YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE. YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME!


I disagree, but lemme piggyback here: It's Always Funny in Philadelphia is blatantly sub par in many aspects.


To add to this, people on TV or in movies barely glance at the road while they have a conversation and drive.  If you're maintaining eye contact with the passenger, how do you even know to move the steering wheel so much?


"Guy in his 30's still capitalizing every word."

Edit 1: Keep on the downvotes :D

Edit 2: Im not even mad, this is awesome, let's try to achieve -1000

WE CAN DO THIS

EDIT #3!!! ONLY -110  DOWNBOATS ??? I AM LE TROLL REDDIT DESERVES BUT NOT THE ONE IT NEEDS RIGHT NOW

LE EDIT #5! Penis!!


I dream in english. That actually happened, later in life, but now I dream in english. When I learned to speak english fluently, my dreams changed to english.

Strange, *right?*


As if any of this will be remembered in a few days, might as well be blunt and honest


There is a great quote by Churchill: "If you're going through hell, keep going."


Your hipster reverse psychology doesn't work on me. Sorry, "brah."


My current significant otter does something similar. They put a paper bag over my head when we're making love. It's so I don't get anything in my eyes.


>I'm an idiot.

No shit. Why else would you be in the army?


I've known for months.


>But more importantly, you wouldn't spent time & effort explaining and justifying your actions.

Because this is the fun part! This is where I explain how I did the magic trick and why. The mods can take the points away if they like, I don't give a fuck. The point is that YOU PEOPLE ARE MORONS.


I was confusing Dickinson for Dickens and this story was REALLY interesting for a minute. :-P


I'm not threatening to change the entire subreddit by any means.

Next time I won't cut out the middle man.


i would have to say the messages on his voicemail.


Be honest with us at least, you've fucked the brains out of at least one guy besides your boyfriend. There is no use in waddling around it like some sort of down-syndrome child.


... and then we'll have a nice cold pint and wait for all this to blow over.


Why downvote this? This is mainstream knowledge.  Taught in CS schools worldwide for years.


I'm so glad that didn't turn into a "Mark Hamill is a douche." That would've crushed me.


I just realized reddit isn't even that popular. It has the same traffic as digg.

Sorry for using your comment, I just need people to see mine.


Shot through the head?

Blown up by a JDAM?

Crushed by a tank?

Exploded by a grenade?

BeepBeep BZZZZZRTTT

Good as new!

Highly relevant: http://i.imgur.com/LPoPe1I.png


Anti-karma train choo choo motherfucker!


They've even got pirates


Because reposting a fake gif of a car doing skateboard tricks adds SO fucking much. You stupid fucking hypocrite... The entirety of this post is ALREADY MEANINGLESS.


Any time I see a post in /r/all where I don't understand at least half of the words in the title, it's a League of Legends post.


No need to be disgusting


Dude you're dating a magic 8 ball. Ask about the future!


I wish my dad had disconnected my internet when I was in high school. If he had done so maybe my perspective of women and sex wouldn't be so skewed, and maybe I would have been a much better basketball player, reader, runner, boyfriend, etc.

Or maybe I would have just watched more television.


It's a quarter after one, there's feces on my bum and I need you noooooooooooow.


Yeh lemme just say something about title, OP,, might want to edit the title to be 11 seconds...a little confusing for us non-speakers :)

I was wondering if it's was different plurals or something lol, it's not my primary language.

But the German-Socialist Administrators won't let us make changes to a title, correct? ;D


We were wearing different clothes, but as we were both into the same music/scenes our clothes were usually jeans and the obligatory black band t-shirts.

Edit: A [photograph of my brother and I](http://i.imgur.com/2ZEPYfE.jpg) from around that period in time.


They has email in '97?


I thought you meant 12-15 was your age... I was worried.


You just explained why the gif is funny. Obviously that's why you like it.


Average male, here. Pretty much on the same page.


I don't believe I mentioned them having a degree. I said they shouldn't have the education they got.


Islamic State Denounces Comcast; "Too extreme," said Caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi


I'm talking about the "Luckily" part. No idea why people are downvoting me...


"Hello do you have a moment to speak about our lord and savior Freedom?"


Gotta catch 'em quick, before you hit -46.

Edit:  :C


Its amazing how much $20 is worth when you don't have $20.


Someone get some aloe vera, 'cause dat fool just got *BUUUUURNED*.


And sinus medication in the... *Perfume department*


lol u mad? OOoooh looks like you are mad!


"What is this lump?"

"You have cancer." *eats Cheetos*


Reverse short shaming is still short shaming shitlord.

Edit: woo boy it got salty in here fast. I'd like to thank everyone for my most downvoted comment.


Reddit: Bringing you the news before the news.  Now how about some of that sweet video of him being taken down?


Youre a horrible person, Its so annoying having someone look above you. Its honestly the worst thing anyone could do in a conversation.


"So sorry madam, ah slappeh de ass mistakenment."


and not a downvote in sight


>July 2012

Never forget.


His reaction was pretty forced tbh.


Nah. I hear she's shacked up with some super awesome guy now who has a monster penis...and is really batman.

Edit: gold for a dick joke. I love you reddit.


Are you seriously kidding me? We have poverty at home, millions of americans are jobless, and you want to waste money on watching stars? Grow the fuck up, this shit if for kids.


After a few years of being asked this, it turned into, "Why don't you have a girlfriend?  Are you gay?  It's okay to be gay."


So tight. Like tighter than a size 6 wearing a size 0. So fucking tight. Like a one inch condom on my two in dick. So so so so so so so so tight. THIS.


It would have to be with all those sticks up in there.


Grower... aka men with small penis.


Dude when you win a medal in the goddamn olympics your penis can be however you want.

*You earned it.*


Shitty because she used pop or alcohol or whatever the fuck that was.

EDIT: Downvoted 14 times in under ten minutes. That has to be a record. Milk is superior to whatever she was drinking anyways.

EDIT 2: GOD DAMN 244 downvotes! Haha fuck /r/funny


How else are you supposed to start your girlfriend in the morning?

Edit: Thanks for my first ever gold!


Ya man it's really messed up actually. Here I am providing all this awesome content and get 0 love for it in the comment section. Seriously guys you literally wouldn't even been here without my link. You do realize that, don't you?


I agree.  It is not particularly evil, but it is a misdeed that completely altered that guy's life.  Honestly, it sounds like a pitch for a mediocre romantic comedy.


Hello, Phenomenal. I'm dad.


You belong in the mental health field.


Lots of things happen that shouldn't, doesn't mean we should "get over it" and not speak out about it. lol what a sad view of things you have.


The kind that comes from Katy Perry's tits.


Everybody that cared about the movie has already seen.


not nearly as many as i'd like.


**Fact:** Minecraft is for poor, dirty niggers who can't afford Skyrim


I have not played WOW in probably 5 years! Yes, I used to play. I played a *LOT.* I was in a guild, I led raids, I was a pretty badass mage. I had multiple characters. I was a frostmage, I think, by the time I stopped playing? But no, I stopped playing when everyone started having children. I was level 70, I quit at level 70, before the expansion pack.


My brother has been working on this for a while. Here's his facebook profile pic:

http://imgur.com/PgeGT.jpg


Well thought-out answer. On behalf of the whole community, thank you.


It's not the same thing at all. People aren't expected to vet other people in AA. Reddit is *based* on users vetting the submissions. That's the entire premise. The mods aren't supposed to do it, the admins aren't supposed to do it, the *users* are.


Men: if you girl gets mad because you're too quiet in bed, next time as you blow your load, make a noise like a screaming eagle. She will no longer bother you about it. And probably break up with you.

Source: my life.


she is correct. it was a tough call, but in the end i thought it would be too funny to pass up not taking someones potential meaningless points from them.

who knew adorable cats would be so well received on a popular social news aggregate such as this?!

edit: so i recommend  upvoting any comments she makes.


Did you use it as a rudder to impress her?

Edit: Yay for new top comment! 😊


I did it for energy. And i have to say, it works.


Imagine if the Pope cancelled his meetings with high officials and instead went to where the children were being held and demanded they be freed. Go full Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom on them.


I'm assuming you are a christian, no? Thanks for letting everyone know. We were really interested in you telling us.


Yeah, they were great


lulz the sex was so bad he killed himself


Your performance in the ring was really impressive, but being the bigger man outside the ring is more worthy of applause in my book.


why is this link purple


This isn't exactly how the story went.

They brought in free/reduced price powered milk, said it was better for babies.  Then started charging outrageous prices for it when the mothers could not longer provide milk themselves.  When people couldn't afford it, many babies starved and died.


Because I find the 360 controller better in almost every genre bar fighting games. :p Worst of both consoles.

EDIT: I guess I got the wrath of fans of the both consoles. Q_Q


Mario Kart Double Trash.


haha took you faggots 11 hours

try to keep up

doesnt matter; got karma


this is the best comment on reddit.

calling it right fucking now.


Pretty sure it's hereditary. So yeah, they know.

And your mom likes huge dicks. I'm not talking shit, just, you know, science.


You're either a fucking idiot or an alcoholic who regularly drives drunk. Neither should be commended.

Edit- My most downvoted comment ever and it's me being a drunken price! Thanks Reddit, it's an honor.


Funny to think how your action probably influenced the life of these drug dealers there. Well they might have gotten caught eventually anyway, but imagine if they ever found out THIS is why they got busted.


F lord, I hate this show. I opened this thread to reconfirm that. Success.

Edit: To the 12-year-old kid on here who loves Always Sunny so much that you had to go through several pages of my comment history and downvote everything: sticks and stones may break my bones, but I obviously don't give an F about karma.


Everyone is impressed by record-holders.


Took me a while to understand why Kate Winslet is considered attractive. After watching this, I STILL don't understand why Minnie Driver is considered attractive compared to other actresses. Is this like Anna Kendrick where the girl is plain-looking but everyone loves her because she played a role everyone fell in love with?


If it makes you feel better, as a tall black guy I feel really weird when I'm walking behind a white girl going in the same direction, but it seems like I'm following her. Sometimes I'll just stand in place and check my phone to let her know I'm not a stalker, then resume walking once she's a good distance away

/weirdsocialthings


This is completely unnecessary; she put plenty of proof in the post.


Go sit in a corner for 35 years and think about what you've done.


Yeah, it's instantly unfunny because its fake. Amirite?


Probably compensating for the son he always wanted.

---

Edit, 3 hours later: Holy crap, the replies guys, they're fucking excellent too!


I was literally raised by Kangaroos. [This is a photo of my dad.](http://i.imgur.com/2pBhk.jpg)


"Jack sparrow? You're about the worst pirate I've ever heard of"

"Ah, but you have heard of me"


''its a repost of month ago

but i can say a friend of mine did it if thats what youre into''


Aw thank you so much. A little thing called "a pregnancy" got in the way of me and production. But I wish them all the best, and I'm sure the movie will be hysterical.


Well yes, a tad:)
Who doesn't want karma?


If you got reddit mold 50 times, it disabled every letter except M, P and H, so all people could say was MMPH! MMMPHH! MPH!


If it wasn't for the tec9 they wouldn't even get to the finals. They won a lot of eco rounds with it.


how do you feel about people who pronounce your name "wang butt"


That's the sort of dog who should be gassed, personally. I don't know how they "destroy" dogs nowadays but a gassing would be good.


Well, to be fair, it was the only card they could get approved for.


Thank you. I fooled people into giving me internet points and the response is that I should *die*. This post is actually getting *upvoted* too. You people are great people indeed!


Fucking Passion of The Christ got me on this one, i was like no way bro.


Literally ever

EDIT: Unlike the captain of Costa Concordia, I am staying with this ship.
It was a pleasure serving with all of you.


You stay the fuck away from me.


>If she wouldn't have done it

WTF?  Do you mean, "If she hadn't done it"?


we found the "happily" married guy!


stop using the f word for no reason stupid 1 year old


Dried parts of a cow that had Parkinson's


Hey wow, great comment. My daughter is 2, so you're either a pedo or just a fuckwit. My money is on both.


"Yeah fuck that guy... wait a second"


So technically not legally obtained.  Just obtained due to milk mans lengthy negligence and without his consent.


yeah its like you are able to get inside her and understand her.


I  used to show up again after any math/challenge, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Mm, urinal cakes.

EDIT: Thank you for the gold. I'm glad my potty humor can pay for server uptime.


Fuck, you're retarded.

Don't you learn this shit in fucking 3rd grade?


Steve Irwin died the way he lived - with animals in his heart!


16 seater? pft, PC will have something that holds 30+ players.

edit: I see the console kids are awake and on this shitsub while the rest of my PC brothers are sleepin'.

edit 2: haters gonna hate, console < PC 4 life, grow up kiddies and you can build a PC like the big boys too.

edit 3: inbox closed, find another way to rage console fanboys.


Yeah but they were just gonna "meet up for some kisses".


There is already a bot that does this, karma whore


Won't stop her from punishing you for being late for dinner.


You sound like a strong, independent legbeard.


SCANDINAVIA DOES TOO COUNT YOU CHEEKY TWAT!


Thanks for the irrelevant comment about high school


Yes, I play with myself. There, I said it.


Cats and dogs are equally dumb, it seems. No wonder my pest exterminator friend said it's easy to lure the stray ones if you need to cull them.


Elaborate on this cum box, please.


Because prior art is a very gray area, and given you file the patent properly, there is no prior art.


The great thing about sea monsters is that they're completely avoidable. Godzilla can come and fuck up a city, but you could stand on a beach and throw rocks at a sea monster and they couldn't do shit.

Also is Godzilla considered a sea monster? Cause if he is and he's reading this, I didn't mean that part about throwing rocks at sea monsters.


Fucking christ my brain is fucking taking a shit.

**EDIT:** [Personal record for most downvoted comment.](http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/348/8/6/i_ain__t_even_mad_by_terribleprincess-d34w0sy.jpg)


I read that as Kate Upton and Wiz Khalifa at first and thought, "This man knows what he wants, even though it may be strange."


This... is amazing, yet frightening. I'm in!


I watched a Jet Li documentary once where he demonstrated how it was possible to kill your twin and absorb their power.


You want someone murdered for denying your ability to play games online? Go fuck yourself, dude.


Girl my arteries are so hard right now

 *wink*

 *breaks eye*


http://i.qkme.me/35zpa3.jpg

Edit: Downvotes? WTF guys?

Buttfuck a goat you mouthbreathing neckbearded nigger cocksuckers.


Six callers ahead of us, Jimmy!


It mean's i'm not going to be quite? Because i know some of you from europe can get arrested for speech

Reading comprehension is great among historians tonight


I seriously beat her into next Wednesday. I thought I was getting brownies.

**edit** There are too many people thinking that this was a serious comment. I didn't actually hit her for the joke.


You're a fucking piece of trash.


It is true.  I have been the duck.


No, I don't think he's even old enough to work yet, much less be in a position of management.


Perfect. I've always wanted a Jaguar. All I have to do is stop wasting my money on these damn floors.


> pick on someone who can't fight back.

God bless the US 2nd amendment. Anyone who tries to restrict it should be stripped of his U.S. citizenship.


move her someplace she isn't pregnant then.


Well, now he's dead, so his hair is not inhibited anymore since it takes about a year for it to decompose.

Edit: I apologize for saying wormfood - I forget that some people object to that word as it's associated with atheism, but it's still true that he has decomposed.


"I don't know what you're implying but I'll do anything for this job"


He didn't break the law...

**EDIT:**

SO APPARENTLY REDDIT DOESN'T UNDERSTAND SARCASM ANYMORE. I GET IT. TIL. SORRY EVERYONE. I'LL JUST GO AND SHOOT MYSELF IN THE HEAD NOW. AS I SHOULD, I MEAN, BEING THE SCUM OF THE EARTH THAT I AM AND ALL. BYE!

http://i.imgur.com/dMLuG.jpg


I really hope it was "I'd put cream on your fajita as fast as a cheetah"


Forsen is now officially the worst mannered HS pro player. I wonder why he did that. Oh wait, maybe to seek attention and to get more fanboys who pay him to roleplay a cool guy on stream?


Likewise during the 2012 Olympics he tweeted something like "I think break-dancing should be an olympic sport lol" to which Frankie Boyle responded something like "How about mixed-gender boxing? You'd have a shot at the gold there mate."

**Edit** Found it!

http://www.tntmagazine.com/media/News/chrisbrowntweet.jpg

**Another edit** 2012 Olympics, not 2009


I recognise this from seddit.. Reddit has gone full circle on me. &#3232;\_&#3232;

Edit: Good lord. What the hell did I do? Thanks for a morning laugh, reddit.


Thats not what she tells me..


I feel no pity for these murderers. A lot of them must be getting what's coming to them, I see these posts a lot these days.


Where the fuck else do goldfish live?


She lied that she never had a boyfriend before and never had a first kiss.  Might not seem like a big deal to you but it is to me.  It made me think she was so pure and innocent and that maybe one day I'll be her one and only boyfriend and never let her get hurt.


The actual last words were:

>You be good, see you tomorrow. I love you.

These were the same words that the parrot would say every day when his owner left the lab.

http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1661695,00.html


In my free time I'm mainly with my family. that's a pretty strong bond.


"Morning son, how's your wife?"

Dad, I'm five.


I am against reposts. The likes of Mind_Virus, dummystupid, etc. Fuck 'em. I tineye'd and karma decay'd this before I posted.

Fuck you for not even checking.

**disclaimer: if it is, I did everything I could to prevent it**

edit: bolded text that was already there (and italicised)


If the waiter would have brought them their check first they'd have been offended because it implied they wanted the black people to leave early, or that the black people were going to skip out on the bill. You can read almost anything into a situation you want if you try hard enough.


Look man, I puked when I saw this.  It's a fair warning to all.  Besides, all hamplanets are grotesque hideous subhuman trash and any pic of them is instantly nsfw/nsfl.


Although this Geico one has the right idea
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvcj9xptNOQ


Why don't they wax, pubes are so disgusting.


At least you know that the female urethra exists. The number of people out there who think women pee from their vaginas is too damn high.


The better question is why would the masses downvote someone providing such awesome content? /:


A FAMILY THAT FUCKS TOGETHER STUCKS TOGETHER.


[COME AT ME BRO!](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rGd4zvJRidU/TtCmaj6v1_I/AAAAAAAACnY/bOQyUa3t_rA/s1600/come-at-me-bro.jpg)


> I've friend zoned hotter women than you've ever banged.

-- Seth Green, possibly.


And you, sir, keep riding that train back down into irrelevancy! We got that ring, brother!


thankfully anyone who carries around a condom in their wallet never actually uses it.


Its a sad day when it happens but that's what happens when American jobs are given to the chinese. They steal our jobs and leave people frustrated and stressed and those unemployed people end up acting out like this. The Chinese should pay restitution for this shooting as ultimately they are the cause. They want to ruin our country and look its already started. Its time for us to fight back.


I watched it 10 times before I realized. I couldn't rap my head around what this was and why people were apparently giving their lives to the almighty rectangle.

Then I saw the one guy in jean shorts fly 30 feet in the air and realized there is no way people wear jean shorts.


Ba-dum-shhhhut the fuck up

EDIT: Holy shit, I always wanted to take advantage of a trending post like this and write something inane, just to see how fast it gets downvoted. Didn't expect -13 in 2 minutes.

EDIT2: -35 in 13 minutes. Keep them coming.

EDIT3: -89 at 48 minutes.


Sorry to hear your mom has cancer :( ~Live like u were dying!!~ .Donna


BUT MOM, SHE STARTED IT


First name Crap, last name Bag.


I'm sorry I couldn't hear you over the karma train


That's the mark of a master right there


To me it is an indicator that they are wasting too much time exercising their bodies, therefore too little exercising their brains.


You can't put your awkwardness with women all on your parents. At some point you have to take charge of your romantic life and avoid thinking that you have to seek the approval of anyone outside of your relationship/friendship with the girl.

EDIT: Gold?? Well, that's a great way to start off my new year.


funniest fucking comment in the entire thread


Your 'friend'  sucks.


people really love to exaggerate don't they? Players like Henry, Bergkamp, Scholes, Keane etc. were premier league greats. Gerrard was a good player and IMO he was not much more.


Maybe he just loves chipotle.


Yes, I'd much rather hump the woman on the left. He's still young though and I have much to teach him.


Where do you get your weed bro


I wasn't meant to be a threat.


It's because everyone's genitals are pixelated right?


I found it to be inane and baseless. A paltry attempt at humor.


>A friend met him in an orgy

you mean the 38 year old Nazi-cokehead-heroin dealer your 17 year old friend met at an orgy wasn't a straight shooter?

EDIT: Thanks for the gold, valiant stranger


btw then just dont be that guy ♥


Reminds of the office when they were giving sex ed advice:

"whats the Safest form of Safe Sex?"

"Condoms"

"No, actually Its abstinence"

"Oh, see I didn't realize we were doing trick questions. What's the safest way to go skiing? Don't ski."


Basically this, also a quick google pretty much answers OP's question.


By "coke" do you mean small children?


Why are you encouraging his laziness? Let him search for it himself, at least it exercises his fingers if nothing else.


> covering your naked body with vaseline and crawling around like a slug


Please,don't.That would ruin my life...Please,don't,


Does the carpet match the snakes?


Thought about a career in HIV? Some good HIV to be had in porn. ATM expressway.


26, and I still fucking go beastly on my stairs. Even when I get to the top, I'll continue on all fours.


It is indeed a watch.


it's a blood bath in here. i'm going to go home and hug my wife.


I don't think there is any value in soliciting the opinions a largely talentless black man who has only ever received any attention because of the Affirmative Action in Obama's America. Mr Gryson would be well advised to explain why his opinions warrant our attention before giving them.


That was a great Breaking Bad scene


You'd overreact. The surprise isn't what makes a proposal special. The proposal is. But sure, get someone fired for a mistake that didn't hurt anybody.


I DO THIS SHIT. I am such an asshole but that fucking bitch doesn't put the cap on and it gets all weird and shit.

-together for 5 years.


See greenduch's reply elsewhere in this thread for a good explanation :3


anything less would be uncivilized


If you really wanted to apologize you might want to delete the thread. Idk why but I take offense when people that might be newer to the sub make threads that have been around for a while and in which some of us older sub redditors actually contributed in and discussed.


People puttin so much Cali bud into the air it be givin the clouds cotton mouth


I'll wear whateva I wanna wear, fuq da hatas B)

err, I'll think about it next time ;)
No promises!


Mom: "Shouldn't we buy a fish that's at least the same color?"
Dad: "Na, kid's aren't that bright."
Edit: I like apostrophe's OK!


Damn, I wanted to be The Bear Jew.


99.99% by population; not mass.

Edit: WHOA, GOLD!?!? Many thanks to my kind benefactors! I promise to pay it forward!


Unfortunately, we do not allow donation posts here.  I know that is not what this was when it started, so I don't fault you.  But I had to remove it.  It is still visible to anyone who posted here already, and following the link in bestof will still bring people here, but it will no longer be listed on the IAmA frontpage.  Sorry.


I, too, work at McDonald's.

*edit*
Holy fuck! Gold, on my birthday? Thanks everyone!


But then they have double the amount of roaches....


Is that normal? I just use my hands and some shower gel.

Don't even own a flannel/ washcloth.


Hijacking to tell you how shit this was.

Pay for a voice actor next time.

Edit: Read that it was just the animation you did. Good, because that was the only good part, keep it up. (You should be excited for the valve movie editor or whatever it's called they previewed last week.)