OH MY GAAAAAAAWWWWWW!!!


It makes me happy that you think (and the people that upvoted you) this old guy's dick is huge since mine is bigger than that.


I'd buy Canadian bottled water. I'd rather have the money go into social services that some corporations pocket.


It's called "broadening the base" . . . look it up.

Research demonstrates that liberals have drastically inferior understandings of business and economics than conservatives. Try taking an econ class at a local community college or something ! It's fun to learn !


It's a little thing called "style". Look it up sometime.


Misgendering someone is a form of oppression.


>Slim ebony hottie fucking japanese man

Why not japanese man fucking slim ebony hottie?


Oh you dodged the pothole into incoming traffic, disaster averted!


Talk to someone, anyone. There are anonymous helplines available and ***no-one*** will ever know you called.

Please, PM me or post back here if you want to talk to anyone. If you PM me your location I will happily link you to anonymous help lines.

Im sure the pain you are going through is unbearable, and talking may be hard at first, but just know that there is always someone to talk to.


... is by showing that he hasn't won anything "big" in very long time, which he carries around like a stigma for all to see. Let me know how that goes ;)


lol he kinda got trolled. "SO BRAVE...but yea we already knew because you are so unbelievably flaming that we had a sprinkler system installed when you were 7"


whoa i didn't see that. is there clip on youtube? that was cool of him to do most people would have been very afraid to be shot. i wouldn't be but most people are.


She deserves more than five minutes of booing.

A crowd of four maybe five people should follow her around for a year and be constantly booing her.


5/10 I've seen better.


I tell this joke to everyone!

I don't have a lot of friends.


I used to make witty comments, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


"Go get me a scotch, you're gonna need it in a minute."


Guys KIA is totally a friendly place and we definetly welcome dissenting opinion! Just trust us and ignore us piling on the downvotes!


What would you do if you found out one day one of the people you killed was completely innocent?

Edit:  The amount of people pulling the "Just following orders" defense is saddening.


its just  u my dear :*


make it O.B. Spawn just to make it trickier


Sometimes I do wish girls came with a receipt.


Once a younger relative of mine, about 12, who was REALLY into Twilight **screamed** when she saw a bottle of wine that said "Jacob Winery" on it.

......

We were in a busy restaurant.


you do know that wearing steel toed shoes will prevent your toes from being crushed but will cause your toes to be sheared clean off if anything heavy falls on them, right?


Did you just make Tarantino movies better? How is that even possible?


That goes into my "lazy"  category. With all sorts of Internet tools,  it is really a quick and painless procedure nowadays.


I sure do! Hilltop Townhomes 4 life!


They were probably afraid of cops and when one guy started running away everyone else followed


Sturgeon25 is now in the exclusive club of "People who Aziz Ansari wingmanned for." That's pretty awesome.


>to show what Republicans really care about.

Not subsidizing individual irresponsibility with taxpayer money? Those bastards!


After the effort she put into their advertisement.


I'm not calling his professionalism into question at all; he's very likeable and capable. I just think he looks a little ridiculous out there. Perhaps we see the world through different lenses.


How long would it take you to go 60 miles if you were traveling 60 miles per hour?


It's actually good they died, would have made UGLY looking kids holy shit.


I can't go anywhere on Reddit without someone trying to stick things in my ass.


Duh. I know what he said. It's pretentious to say that your brain corrects mistakes automatically; it's so obvious he just didn't notice it because his brain was asleep, being a stupid brain. I noticed these immediately, and I always find it funny in class when people don't notice mistakes the teacher made on the board. It's always up to me to point shit out.


He's the god damn Batman.


He/She could be married. Also if the judge is male he may not be a homo and if it's a female she may not find him attractive.


I actually loved it, but I understand the hate.


DUUURRR IS DIS DA POKEYMAN DING? Uh, yeah, you fucking nerd. It's a pokemon thing.


 > 20 funerals in a year

That is scary. I wasn't alive in the 80s and had no idea it was that bad.


It works backwards if it isn't your cake day however, let me show you.
mmm mmm *cough cough* It's my cake day


He spent his last moments with his son and it was all over in a flash.  At least.


I personally find the voice lines and voice it self to be insufferably annoying. I'm tempted to assume a "kick the wick" stance on jacket because just hearing the voice makes me physically cringe.


Yeah, seriously, a 22" or so? And what outputs does your computer use, DVI, HDMI, or just VGA?


That doesn't mean anything. FX processors have more "cores" than, say, a Haswell i5 but the i5 outperforms it in just about every game.

Really depends on benchmarks like /u/kunstlich said.


Why the fuck would anyone swear at a kid who was just looking in their general direction? Jesus christ this has me angry.


yeah i was so worried that someday i would have to prove it to some fucktard on the internet.


"Look at me, I'm the captain meow."


Rape is good, you say?


Garbage title.  People need to understand that there is no such thing as free.  Cost increased dramatically for millions to offset those who are now a burden on the system.  I have to pay out the ass when I'm a healthy, young individual.  Now we are apparently getting "free" community college.  People are so gullible.

Thanks, Obama!


At that level of intelligence, you should have told her that the only way the test works is if she's not wearing the shirt.


More pertinent life wisdom from CUNT_IN_MY_DICK_LORD.


"In fact, my insurance agent calls me quarterly to make sure things are all going well."

All things considered, I'd be doing that too if I was your insurance agent.


Love Patrick Smith,
he speaks the truth in a similar way Ron Paul does.


Excellent mind fuck movie but there are spoilers if you continue into the chain. Stop reading now if you're going to watch it.


Really? I know it's fake but you really think that people with autism, down syndrome or similar conditions should be handled with violence until they learn to be "normal like us"?


My uncle writes "Welfare" on his alimony cheques.


Not sure why this comment is getting so much hate, I've seriously never seen this picture or this post until today.

*shrug*


Good thing happens to a good person = god's reward

Bad thing to a good person = god's plan/test

Bad thing to a bad person = god's punishment

Good thing to a bad person = mysterious ways


They should've left it alone, sooner or later someone will get attacked, this is another unfortunate incident that could've been avoided.


Ok sign [looks like this.](http://i.imgur.com/QigVE.gif "Prisencolinensinainciusol")


if OP is ripping off others peoples work, as implied by the email i would disagree. if devs are going to do shitbag shady stuff like that, i would rather they be instantly banned for life from any app store.


more like for her ***HUGE***...*tracts of land!!*


Yes, I used my GoDaddy throwaway for the AMA, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm tired of the internet being blind about this - you need to research the facts before you post blindly about them. Instead of attacking me, you should attack what I wrote.

Frankly, it doesn't matter anyway. GoDaddy was not impacted by the boycott and will continue just fine.


I hear that he is actually famous for other stuff than doing that pose.


Do you have the specifics on why he's going back to rehab, or are you making a statement based on what your bias is of drug abuse and alcoholism without knowing it or knowing anyone that has got through it?

Do you know what got Ted to re-instate himself back into rehab? I'll give you a hint, his name starts with Dr. ends with Phil!


Also as soon as a guy does the hand wave, any crimes against humanity he committed before that, are all forgiven.


TF2 has lore now?

EDIT : Woaahhh, pissed in someone's cornflakes evidently


Omigosh! You are so perfect for me! I want to spend the rest of my life with-- wait... are you ambidextrous?

Oh. I'm sorry, but this isn't going to work.


yall need to calm down


>One day, my teacher was comparing the intellectuals of the class and was naming all of the students who she predicts will get into good colleges.

Your teacher is fucking horrible and probably ruined an entire class's self-esteem forever.


I haven't played Dota1 in quite a while but I have so much faith and love for the hardcore fans from old. If Dota2 gets too greedy with their hat system some of us should probably go back.


Charlie Work is pretty high up on my list.


and also, whenever I see people complain how they are living in trash conditions eating ramen noodles, I just can't sympathize since its so god dam easy to take care of your self and improve your living conditions instead of asking for temporary handouts that when once run out your life remains the same


Make it hail.  Actually, in Europe many clubs have "club money" that you buy to stuff into strippers' underwear.


I don't know how you can say it "isn't that far from the made up story". There's a big difference between being an asshole, which I was, and being a rapist. There was no physical pressure or intimidation involved. Since when is begging someone to have sex with you rape? Pathetic on a number of levels, yes, but not even close to rape.


He immediately gives up on the motorcycle and heads for the bus stop


No, it won't. She's a grown ass woman, she's not a fucking idiot, she knows.
We're trying to help him, cuz that's what you fucking do when you love someone.  You help them.


I really think the best part about this is how he's not beating the ex up for hitting on his gf or continually approaching her, but because he's too fucking awkward.


Sounds a little fishy


Sometimes we have to do this for a bit though, because if a guy is too big, it can be mega painful, like getting punched in the ovaries.

It's like a little rest before going back into the proper arch.


A dark and *secret* story.


Dying in a collision saves a lifetime of petrol.


Wanted to say that enjoy your upvote.


That's the reality of all things; from religion to the police and to politics.

But the news focus so much on the dark side of each aspect that we tend to think otherwise. It's just sad and tiring to read comments on reddit that group up the worst of the bunch as the majority.


This please. What the hell is the point of linking to that page, OP? Also: really, 4.1.2 has a completely redesigned UI? Didn't get it right in 4.0?


I don't trust your cocaine.


How about you stop **sucking dicks** all day and get a life  you **low life dog fucking   asshole**


That's why parents should call their local pool and ask for a lifeguard that wants to make some money on the side. I've guarded 2 birthday parties, and nothing ever happened there, parents should make it part of their party budget.

Obligatory gold edit: Thank you! First time :)


You forgot an apostrophe, but I'll let it fly. Yes, those pies are cheap, it's been some years since I've been to wal*mart, but I think they had an absolutely delicious apple pie for some $4.something. http://bit.ly/9HV1KB


Can we not include murderers?


Then she said, "I meant AFTER you got home!"


Yet if the genders are reversed, the author would just putting a bitch in her place, right?


>Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, "I am the Light of the world".


Not really.  I'd hope any veteran RB could perform a chop like that on a DE.


I don't know what you said. But your knowledge of light saber dueling has shown me I have a lot left to learn.


oh that's so thoughtful! it was really great thinking of you to help us out by including your little helmet in the pic. and those groovy glasses. imagine if you'd left, say, a receipt or a charge slip that might have really goofed up the context of the picture. you're sooo thoughtful. i love it. i really do. escargot?


Its not the dress that makes you look fat. Its the fat that makes you look fat.

--Al Bundy


nope, not even a hundred.


I honestly thought he was going to change his gender.


Why is this being up voted? I thought we liked IdrA again :(


"8am-Math-class-hot-girl-sitting-next-to-you-in-short-shorts-better-move-the-textbook-to-my-lap feeling."

I feel you homie.


?

He is dead, so it *was* his time to die--no question about that.

I never understand what that platitude means.


Why... If it isn't my arch-nemesis...


actually this is great news. these guys are guilty of blatant copyright infringement. how people make excuses for them is beyond me. atleast admit that this is about downloading instead of lame reasons like a free internet


Agreed, if it's one of those "I'm 13 and here's some peach fuzz" deals then forget it; but give me the Magnum P.I. crumb-catcher special and I'm all in.


Yeah but Norm is so fucking autism I can barely watch a whole show. :(


Had same accusation leveled at me for seeing a friend in the hallway at school and shaking hands. Teacher had watched too much tv and claimed "we had passed drugs with a secret handshake"... What a fucking idiot.


Just shut the fuck up.


Woah, woah, woah. Settle the fuck down bad ass, nobody needs to get hurt here.


Yeah, they're nice. Learn to take a compliment.


I honestly don't know whether to upvote you so people see how much of a cunt you are, or downvote you because you're such a cunt.

You cunt.


Then it would be a ridiculously lucky adult male


My dad refers me as mr. pig and my sister as sister pig. My dad is Big Pig, and my mom is Sharon.


Wow, you must be some kinda computer programmer.


That's the classiest story I've read so far.

Your response was so simple, elegant, and so freaking classy.


Why not both? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


but the pokey nipples are hawt! especially on smaller breasts.


As an alternative to college there needs to be better support for apprenticeships and trade schools.


PROPANE AND PROPANE EXCESSORIES. GIVE ME KARMA OR GIVE ME DEATH!


WA WA WACKA WA WA WACKAWACKAWACKA


That's obviously why I said "I don't think it needs it"...

Edit: TIL redditors are dumb as fuck.


It made you see colon? Is that a goatse reference?


Don't make jokes.  This is sick and cruel.  It's no wonder these soldiers go out and kill without remorse after being brainwashed.


The higher quality of paid porn over tube sites is totally worth the money.  My girlfriend sometimes says she wishes I just spent the money on her instead but I'm then like "my download finished, talk to you later!"


No, it needs to be done more. It needs to be done so much that everyone feels like they're under threat. It needs to be done so often that nobody can deny how terrible the police are.


*"A man was gunned down last night in the Twin Pines Mall parking lot by a van full of Libyan terrorists. Witnesses say the man was unable to start his rented DeLorean in time to escape because he was watching an ad for Candy Crush."*


Isn't this like a normal Thursday for kids in Japan?


i used to, but then i realized that a show is primarily a vessel for the crowds enjoyment, not mine. then, it actually became enjoyable.


If there are people here that can't read the unown symbols then there's something wrong with you


Quick! Change your name to ipown12!


GO SUCK DICK FAGGOT
edit: thanks for the downvotes TB dicksuckers. I hope he cums in your mouth with his lies and insults and disrespect against us!!


The possibility of an entire school blowing up is usually a major turn-on for most girls.  She must be a bitch.


1st of all, this isn't twitter so why the fuck would you use a hashtag? 2nd and slightly less important, islamophobia does not exist for a reason. It's an irrational fear even though it may not seem like it if you focus on news reporting about terrorism attacks. Alienating the millions of muslims in europe will only make matters worse.

Now bring the downvotes - my body is ready


It's simple, we kill the bat man.


Like omg to the Internet!


Aaaaaand now I miss my ex. That is my earliest memory of her, sitting in pre-calc next to her, her stretching, and me getting intense butterflies...

Didn't even realize I had that memory stored till this moment.

Edit: you guys better not make this top comment. Stop it.

Edit: awesome, my top comment makes me look like some sad lonely guy. Thanks guys


What part of "period" made you forget we were talking about womyn here?


I love bad jokes.

I love *all jokes*.


If you really feel this way you need to find a therapist and talk this out with them.


Grandpa, meet my friend, LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK.


Wow. This comment is at -22 points. I mean, it wasn't exactly the most interesting comment, but geeze...


> when we arrive at the station, the EMTs are waiting. She proceeds to kick one in the nuts while screaming "FUCK ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!"

> EMTs marked that down as "Refusal of treatment"

This is possibly the funniest thing I've read all day.


What? You post pictures that seems to be more than 6 months old.

Sorry, but could you please verify your profile? Would be lovely...


This story illustrates why legislation is required.  I'm confident that it's not uncommon for employees to be threatened with consequences for missing work due to illness. It's the other side of the coin that rewards employees who come to work sick.

If all employers had common sense policies, there would be no need for the government to get involved.  But they don't, so it does.


I'm pretty sure that he pretends to tear off a piece of the brown part of the check and then shows his thumb to the other athlete. Basically it looks like he made a racist joke about himself.


The boys name is Downs Syndrome? That's too coincidental

Jokes over.. OP edited his post now..Fucker can't let me have my karma.


Hardcore, yes, smart? No.  Bear's crew can bail him out if need be.  Les just digests in some animal's stomach.


They'll stop when I stop caring.. which also, is never..


Yes, because being around a woman is like being around a child.


20 is still pretty good.


I think we are confused because it isn't a sequel, or prequel. or adaptation from a comic, or starring Adam Sandler.


Good guy lawyer risking his mmr to let someone have a fair trial.


>There is no such thing as an inappropriate joke. That is why it's called a joke.

So if I paint the words "The solution to misandry is to kill all men" on my AK as a joke, that's not inappropriate?

e: Actually I just need to paint "The solution to ~~misandry~~ men" on it. What can write on metal?


Yes we get tested once a week. Customers wear condoms for oral and sex. I have many different sizes and flavors! Magnum, Ultra Thin, Mint Flavored, Banana Flavored, Strawberry, Ultra Lubercated, Extra Large, Snuggle Fit, Iron Grip, and Tuxedo Black.


Explain what this sentence means.


Well I mean, Anne Frank was pretty white looking.


Came to post this. Crazy question, but do you ever have a problem with ATMs wanting to be fed cats? I had the weirdest experience the other day...


You signed in to the wrong account there apostolate.

Edit: I accidentally a letter.


Never happy huh?   Fuck off already. It's not a video lobbying for cans


> innocent fun.

You're Doing It Wrong.


That's what I do. I like a controller. I know this makes some people mad. Those people can ~~die~~ go to another place

I feed on your disapproval


That other girl totally pussied out.


Trash company, mediocre phone.


Also taste better when cut diagonally.


    And we'll hide out in the private rooms
    With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
    They'll get you anything with that evil smile
    Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

    Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
    Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar


And not to mention what our dear mothers will have to experience.


I don't think so.  They might think you are actually sweet, sensitive, and non-judgemental and let their guard down around you.


There always has to be an unimpressed wife when filming a man doing anything.


Oh great, look another troll trolling a troll.


Plot twist, it was his wife he turned down.


It's just a dance, fercryinoutloud.


>I using Q's are you are gonna like it.

My head is full of fuck.


Many AMERICAN teens are idiots.


Never punish honesty in a relationship.


MOMMY WHY DID DA WEDDITOR DRAW DA PICTEUR OF DA MONKIE?????????????? GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I'm sorry but reddit is a democracy and it has received 500 upvotes so far, people can choose what they want to upvote or downvote themselves. Yes? I'm not the one who put it on front page.


Wouldn't she just assume you slept around with girls without getting serious?

Hookers and porn are a far-cry from normal sex.


Please accept this asterix * as my poor mans reddit gold

Edit: now realize I've made a terrible misteak


I also liked:

Elaine: Where's my father?

George: (doing impression) He's in da bathroom!


Yea sure man, right on. Allah Akbar and stuff.


Does this mean there's a high demand for eggplant farming? folks, I've found my new venture. Who's with me?


>Pistons don't control the refs

But Pistons fans do control whether or not they acknowledge the atrocious officiating. Many did not, and that understandably grates on Rockets fans.

EDIT: Christ, what happened here? What I said was absolutely, indisputably true and it's deep in the red.


Up boner
Down boner
Top boner
Bottom boner
Strange boner
Charm boner


Plus upload the pıctures defınıtely pussyboy


This is very specific.


Anonymous.  It's a 4chan thing.


"master of karate and friendship".  haha!  I think that is accurate actually!


If you've played football for more than 10 years you and isn't completely talentless you'll be able to do what Giroud did 9 times out of 10.


Pulp Fiction is like cheating too. It's like the whole movie is an excuse for badass characters to deliver badass lines:
The whole Ezekiel speech
The fuck pride advice
The Royale with cheese riff
The foot massage manifesto
Everything the Wolf says
Jimmy saying he knows how fucking good his coffee is.
All classic.


What a shitty attempt to be shittywatercolor.


The video went viral.


I can't just ask my parents for my birth certificate.


That number is so large and my comprehension of numerical comparisons so small that it literally has no effect on me whatsoever.


That 70's Show was not funny. Never was. Never will be.


No he can't, I called shotgun.


No, you're a fucking bitch.  That's what you are.  Probably a fat cow as well...  That's fucking disgusting.  Only fucking assholes and cunts do that shit.  Fuck you, you disgusting fucking pig.


Man, I'm really sorry about that, Braiden.


you're replying just to say that? why does this even have upvotes? this g\*d d\*mn website sometimes...


I'm steering clear of my message inbox for the next few days.


You're getting down votes but its the sad truth lol
*edited*
LOL I love the hive mind but sometimes...


It's like there are a lots of people who shit themselves whenever they eat something spicier than Heinz ketchup.


The main issue is there is simply no scientific proof as of yet.   SO I fail to see your point.  You are the the science denier and it seems you have strange religious bed fellows in the Vatican, they are well known for their support of science...


He's not poor. Look at all that money he's raking in!


Why were you at Starbucks?


When I jerk off I hit the headboard of my bed sometimes. Dodgin' loads matrix style.


I only ask for the truth.   Tell us what the texts said verbatim.

Why do you object to the truth?


But why mention the coupon thing? If you have a coupon you should use it...


Your dumb,it's not a fake tan

Edit;whoa the most down votes ever for me,more!!!!


Mr. Rogers and Bob Ross are the two everyone wants to be perfect.


I think he's lieing. I was 14 and fucking my 14 year old girlfriend and then at 15 i was fucking a 14 year old and at 16 i was fucking a 15 year old and 17 i was fucking a 15 year old at 18 i was fucking a 15 year old. none of them were "too young" to fuck. Infact most of them wanted to fuck ME i was hella shy.


> do not use water

Why? They would build a raft on my leg?


>How on earth is this justice? Someone didn't want to date you so they deserve to work a shitty job?

Well....yes.


It makes you wonder how many assistants he went through before he perfected his technique.


Lol. Honestly, this isn't some minor incident that happened 200 years ago. Do your own searching.


It's not because we are lazy, it's because we want to save the planet.


The prize of fake internet points.


You must not be a white female.


Ah yes. Someone doesn't know about an artist. Let's murder him. That is definetly logical. /s

*Edit*

Lol looks like I didn't get a reference. My bad guys.


I would lov that so vry much. You hav no ida.

dit: This is now my most upvotd commnt vr.


Gotta have my pops...


This one is so good that I actually want to give you money even though you're not a hobo.

Unfortunately I am poor so I can't do that :(


I like to wear a shirt and pajamas.

I wouldn't bring a rape-whistle, then put on ball cap and sun glasses for bed time when company is over if im too afraid of people finding me too darn sexy (*Blush*, which i actually am just *too*)

Of course, if i were that paranoid about sleeping in the general vicinity to men, I would just opt to deny them a bed in my home, which is fine.


Styrofoam liver... Dang.


John 1:10-1:11

10 If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into [your] house, neither bid him God speed:

11 For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds.


After multiple failed marriages, James Cameron is now married to James Cameron. His only true love.


Downvote for the gratuitous 'thank you'.

Edit: I swear there is a group of people on this forum that just comes here to indulge in their excessive confectionery gratitude. A meme that caught on, celebrating insincere and unctuous niceties.

If this was a waiting room, understanding_pear's head would now be resting on PhotoShopNewb's lap. With a teethy bovine grin, waiting for a response.


Or wearing sun cream, it blocks harmful rays.


I know, I was laughing my ass off.  Like I said, he snapped the picture kind of suddenly, and my buddy Kevin looks like he doesn't give a shit.


My 3 year old nephew wakes up at precisely 7AM every morning. But he's a chill kid, and not an asshole, so he taught himself how to turn on the tv and use Netflix rather than waking everyone else up.


I actually think he doesnt care about the money. He just want to keep streaming because thats the thing he enjoys the most


I suck at everything else, so I decided to become famous and make assloads of money.


In the NYPD's defense, how would you feel if someone that you believed had a hand in the death of someone you loved spoke at their funeral? There's no legitimate comparison between the two given the context.


Spiderman, he shoots webs to get all the bad guys stuck. The web. And it came out. And fight again.


You seem like the kind of person who would apologise the next day for putting in a lacklustre performance.


Please don't compare my drinking alone with eating ass carrots.


I am a Liverpool fan as well. You're not really sounding like one.


The narwhal bacon midnight thing.


Maybe you shouldn't have made it, then.


I am proud to have witnessed PSY lose his assginity.


It is your shitty attitude that is setting you behind for life and the words you are using make you sound like an entitled twat.


Its like the medic in Deadliest Warrior:

"Yep, the sniper bullet took off the upper half of his head. This is going to cause some trauma."


Could you just stop posting?


"I don't like you enough to hang out with you without other people around"


If you break the agreement she will never forgive you and turn into a whore.  If you read her the book, she will be a genius.  Reverse the prank and read it to her every night until it's finished.


I hate you.
At the same time, upvote for honesty.


Not intentionally; but looking at the backlash I'm getting here, I suppose I did.


You're supposed to offer him 19.99. 20 bucks is the minimum for a bribery charge.*

*I probably don't know what I'm talking about.


It's a joke calm down...


Because everyone can change if they try. The judge who gave me my son because he saw I was honest with who I was and who I am and his mother wasn't as forthcoming.


these comments ^^

UPVOTES ARE AUTOBOTS AND DOWNVOTES ARE DECEPTICONS!!


Oh it does.  Takes a few minutes for it to get bigger again, too.


Sounds pretty normal for me...


I heard this a lot from people who visited Paris 10-20 years ago.
I visited the city last year and the people were extremly friendly and I don´t speak french.


I'm pretty sure I drink enough water because I'm just not thirsty. You're probably drinking too much water and fucking up your salt levels and such. "Water poisoning" is a real problem.


it's more "Some cards" "Des" do not have real translation in english

Source : I'm french


It doesn't work like that.


This is why rare meat is "typically" safe. The meat on the inside is safe but the outside needs to be cooked to kill the surface bacteria. My mother in law eats raw ground beef. She may be an immortal demon though.


Seek professional help.


CertainlyT doesn't have unreleased abilities.


Huh??

Their children deserve parents who go into stasis they're around?


CH is my favorite show for envelope-pushing on the air right now. Rob Corddry is so delightfully, wickedly funny, and his writers and cast are unstoppable. He contacted me to play Briggs after we had worked in a film together, now called Taking Chances, and we enjoyed placing our fingers inside each other's mouths.


If you are still Muslim, apparently you were not educated enough.


This also goes along with one of my biggest problems with some of the people on here. If someone posts something horrible that they have done, there is always someone almost immediately who says "Don't worry it's not your fault, you were right in what you did and this is why..." No reddit, sometimes shitty people do shitty things and it's not ok to tell them that it's ok.


He can figure it out easily if he goes through all upvotes comics and finds hers again the just looks at all links posted


Not sure if I should upvote for accurate advice or downvote for moral reasons.


Way to go Mr. Intolerance.  Who the fuck are you to tell her how she should live?  Is she harming you?

Maybe one of these days you'll grow up and respect other people's decision, even if you don't agree with them.


Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?


The cop feels its his duty to serve and protect. He feels he should watch because he can help if they hurt themselves. It even explains his reasoning IN. THE JOKE. I am constantly amazed and disgusted by Reddit. Good joke btw.


A bunch of virgin Teen Boys getting aroused by some 2d Chinese cartoons bathing.

^^I'm ^^one ^^of ^^them


Yeah. If it was this exact one then they reposted me. There are a few similar going around.


A **gay**necologist?

I'm so sorry


I think the Jets defensive line is better than the Bills line. Internet vernacular is unpopular with people on the internet who think they're better than people on the internet. The Patriots fans on /r/NFL are more afraid of us than they are of you.


It's not random. They interview each person before the show to see who would fit best on tv.


YOU GUYS NPH IS GAY DID YOU KNOW HE DATES MEN BY THE WAY HE IS ATTRACTED TO MALES!


I am Jackdaw's inflamed sense of rejection.


No he's not. He's an idiot and an evolutionary loser for raising the rape-baby of some other guy.


This advice has led to some really weird business meetings.


Nice one pedo. Abusing children is super funny.


ha! love you mom! this is my mom everyone! My inspiration!


Does AZ mean Australia or Arizona?

What's even more confusing is when American's abbreviate CA. Like "Oh it's 100 degrees out in CA today"...

Canada's a big country, and I can guarantee you that nowhere is it the boiling point of water.


Woman here. Completely with you on this one. Sitting in class I am constantly fantasizing about being eaten out by the hot men all around. Annnd that is why so many of my notes are blank.


This is one of the VERY few situations I think "u mad?" is an acceptable response.


The sole reason why im thin is because I am this kind of lazy.


Why are you so upset though? :3


"oh look honey, this one comes with a rape dungeon!"


Early in the morning reddit sucks really bad because all the American High School kids take it over for a few hours. It's fucking horrible.


JUST MAKE IT YOU SILLY BITCH. IT'S LITERALLY FOOD WATER. PUT FOOD IN HOT WATER. FUCKING DONE.


That is mathematically impossible, because we have new players each year.


I would pay to see him lying absolutely motionless with his eyes closed as she looks around completely befuddled.

"What...what are you doing?"

*"Shhh...Sh...Sh...I'm sexing you..."*


Jeez, just accept that you don't get it and move on.

Not everything has to cater to you specifically.


Workable solution: burn this planet and move to another one.


Why would you ruin their day like that? It's not like they were rude to you, and tips are far from mandatory anyways. They thought they were doing you a favor, you should have just said "thanks" and continued to get *by the hour.*


Someone should sit this kid down and have him watch The Incredibles.

Capes are incredibly dangerous.


Not being a fucking idiot like yourself. You stupid piece of shit. IS THIS ALL YOU GOT? ONLY -68 HAHA I SHIT DOWNVOTES LIKE THIS FOR CHIRSTMAS


Ahh yes, the freedom of that first year. I failed every class my first semester. It didn't help that my dorm room had become the university's unofficial Smash Bros championship lair.


fuck pitbull owners

"hurr it's not the dog, it's the owner"

no it's fucking not


I did this, made a stickman tattooed on my hand. I kinda like it though, and it's lasted 10 years so far.


I'm so cool. Lmao, I actually reread that like 4 times and finally caught on. Derp


it's not porn, it's politics!


>I am a life-long FAGGOT

FTFY OP

GOO GAH Gah whe WAN sheh GAA boo!!!!!!!!! DADDY NO TOUCH ME THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But then i took a arrow to da knee!


Math - not even once.


Ah yes, the hypothetical ambulance. I'm sure these protestors wouldn't move for an ambulance or a fire truck and the dozen or so bike cops on the scene would just stand there and do nothing.

I am also certain no such hypothetical ambulance could've existed or been detained by a sports game or the crowds yesterday.


http://i.imgur.com/0vBw0.png

___

[^About, ^Feedback ](http://www.reddit.com/r/Top_Comment_Judge/comments/xdmt6/why_i_do_what_i_do/)


At least you got yourself in the habit of showing up, that's half the battle.


I still think it's poop stained skin :|


How about more like [this?](http://i.imgur.com/WDDJE.png)


Hate is a totally legitimate reaction for getting to play a game for free, when out of the 2 million aspects, features and options of the game only 1 thing bugs you. You don’t have psychic and/or emotional issues, you are just right. You must have found out the only truth.


"Baked mozzarella sticks are better than fried ones," said nobody ever.


league isn't a sport o.o


Duh...to cut the fire out.


That's like the only reason to watch Kill Bill, Uma's bits.

EDIT: Hahahaha, I openly expressed my sympathy for Hitler, stated that I am against marijuana legalization and gay marriage and still those comments didn't get half the downvotes this one did.

QUENTIN TARANTINO - SERIOUS BUSINESS!


You're literally dealing with my shit, you've earned the right to back up to my door.


"For only $24.99 you too can see Isaac in the new and improved bio suit"

"But the game's first person..."

"Shhhhhhh..."


Here in West Michigan we have a saying about Flint.

"Flint. Ew."


Nope. I saw that he commented on a mutual friend's status and was curious if he ever managed to get his life together and noticed the add friend button


>most likely not.

Well, you've convinced me.


lol @ the downvotes.... Get fucked


I had to delete all the nudes I had of her because crying and masturbating at the same time hurts the soul.


Just a guess, but I suspect she hangs around the locker room making sure that all of the girls shower after workout.


Let me run to Starbucks and grab one.


"It's got shit support and no cups"

FTFY

EDIT:  downvoting jokes in a joke thread. Nice.


As a fellow Texan, this illustration may help:

http://i.imgur.com/M5Dfn.jpg

EDIT: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!


You guys sound pretty creepy asking for sauce,

I'm torn between linking a "Let me Google that for you" and watching the shitstorm unfold, or not actually getting banned from reddit.


The most difficult mission: to date.


If you can see that breathing, you might consider dialing back your meds.


dude from literally the other side of the planet (Argentina): don't you let that fucking trend become global. I ain't shaving my legs.


u cant eat all of thoes u get phat domb fuck


Well, that being said, an 8 to 15 minute orgasm still sounds splendid...

And sure enough, bacon tastes like it came from an animal whose orgasms last that long. When you eat bacon, you eat sexual energy stored in sweet, salty, fatty matter.


ERMAHGERD, GERRGE CERRLERN


And then they pounded her.
I'll leave now.


#4/4 with rice.*

^(* real-world game benchmarks, after next driver update.)


When your best friend cheats and you sell each other out but are still close enough to wing the alibi #JustGirlyThings


Actually my friend texted this to me..I did in fact ask why and he did respond "that's what he does."

The lair here is my friend that texted it to me. He told me it was his cousins cat.

I hate reposts so I'd never knowingly post one or repost one I suppose.

Also I didn't say anything in the title that implied that I knew the cat or took the picture.


I feel like every school has a crazy horse girl. We had one at my high school; she would also pretend to be a dragon. I was best friends with her through elementary school, when running around pretending to be a horse was pretty normal, but that shit gets weird at a certain age.


You most likely started arguing with this guy in your head.  Then you realized you had been trolled.  Now you are butthurt.


I will never understand why people put their wallet in the back pocket anyway.  Why?  Isn't it harder to sit?

EDIT: every response to this comment is the same few comments over and over again.  Please check if 30 other people made the same comment before you post.  Thanks.


Yeah and all Muslims are brown bearded men with turbans. That picture alone feels racist. Brings back memories of the ignorant fucks post 9/11.


You lose, you are already up to 11


wow, you suck.  Way to waste your life. Have a downvote.


Orange Shirt. Once his ball hits the other side of the table, the other player has to hit it before it touches any surface, even your own side of the table.


So the people pointing out that a comment about raping or beating women gets upvoted 200 times are WORSE than the people upvoting the comment?

Nice to know. Good standards there. And no, there is no group. I came here of my own will because I'm a mod of a small subreddit.


Ok, that's hilarious. Nice way for him to say "I know you're doing this"


There's a whole generation of redditors that have been born since last year! They need to be educated!


ITS MY TIME TO SHINE! I HAVE JUST THE VIDEO FOR THAT!

>[Domestic Dispute Jazz](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsBC5C5ERho)

Edit: it's fairly long (2.5 minutes? MORE LIKE 2.5 YEARS INTERNET TIME) so if you have a short attention span just watch the second half, it gets intense.


If I could eliminate one trend on Reddit, it would be worthless novelty accounts like yours.


the other video pretty much clears the cop of wrongdoing, it turned out the guy was reaching to hide his meth and syringe and not a gun. He reached toward his waist on the side away from the cop after his hands were up. The cop really didn't have much choice......

 video of shooting. The one with the cops mic as audio is much better
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=3fd_1420671313


(I don't care if I get downvoted) Relevant username.

EDIT: Okay, I DO care if I get downvoted!

EDIT EDIT: [STAHP!](http://i.minus.com/ij6FHfbhmqtK0.gif)

EDIT EDIT EDIT: This is my most downvoted comment ever. You guys are assholes.


I hate to break it to you man but I think you just failed.


Whatever... he simply miscalculated his run. You can see that he is trying to brake halfway down. Besides, he's got more balls than you, sitting behind your keyboard and all (-:


As a redditor, I didn't understand the analogy until you put it in terms of cats.


When there fully grown they go out with the other adult lions . you cant keep a fully grown lion in the house forever.


This is utterly disgusting.


I'm actually pretty disappointed in myself for never noticing this. It also kind of invalidates my "large chopper" excuse above. I have no explanation. I would probably think it's fake too. As it is, the mystery will continue to amaze me.


That sad and terrifying realization that Stan Lee could doe any day now. With Nimoy and Williams in the last year, I don't think I could handle losing Stan Lee.

Edit: apparently my phone doesn't want Stan Lee to doe either


Firefighters seem like dicks. They could have ran them under the car, just like these people probably could have moved the truck up a tad to avoid ruining the car of someone who probably can't afford a new one.


What if they become so unreachable they become effective gods, controlling us from a distance so vast we question their very existence?

*partakes in a near lethal bong hit*


Never go full retard..


You had me at "My husband sells specialty cheeses."
Upvote. You made Mommy very happy today.


yet your on reddit looking at it


"MEN ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN"

So subtle.


While funny, I still disagree.  Between Reddit, Facebook, and all those video games I play, I don't really have time even if I wanted to.


The largest DESSERT is in Antarctica!  Just add flavored syrup.


Did you think for one second? This is way eggs behaved for hundreds of millions of years!


Well that's adorable.


There's no way in hell he's even close to "best rapper alive"...


Yeah, I have to wake up in 4 hours. Doesn't matter had science.


Wow..your name is fitting


I studied Catholicism for 17 years.

The further you dig, the more statements like your own manifest themselves with certainty.

Another great takeaway was "not everyone is as holy as others; sometimes God loves people unequally."


So because I don't give a damn about having a bazillion options I'm somehow not a "real" PC gamer? Even though I play at least 20 hours/week on my PC? This is the kind of elitism that makes me hate this subreddit.


Exactly. There is a whole new level of fear when zombies can still chase someone like this...


How much lead did you consume as a child?


LOOK AT THE MOVES
FAKER
WHAT WAS THAT


You're all so unbelievably self-centred that you will continue to engage in illegal activities and then point to the consequences *you directly caused with your disobedience* as reason to change the rules.


They were barely vampires in the first place


I used to see what he did there, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


My favorite medication commercial was when they said the side effects "May cause cancer"

Like I'd rather have psoriasis than cancer.


I saw a video of a guy getting fucked in **le** ass by a horse.  That was pretty disturbing.


We should have been killed off for that rave in the second movie.


Nope, chuck testa is the most likely explanation

I hate myself for saying that


Especially since the people who use "troll" IRL have no idea how to use it properly.  Telling a joke is NOT FUCKING TROLLING SOMEONE.


Disrespectful comments like yours are why coupons are completely gone now. I'm a fucking person too, you could at least do me the courtesy of treating me like one.


Little did you know you had just mobilized the Dad Army...

*sound of 10,000 riding mowers from just over the horizon*


Did you notice on /r/beatingwomen the huge stamp on their site that it's Men's Rights approved? I did. Explain that men. How do you approve of this fucking sub or not fight to get that huge image removed?


Fine, just remember to bring the Jack, I'll have it iced down by the time you are done, and then I'll tell you about when we got to ride our bikes without helmets!


I guess you could have posted it with a better title.

edit: for real, if you guys think the title sucks then post your own gifs with better titles! Make this sub a better place, contribute! Bottom line it was a badass dunk and if they made it into a poster, Dwight would be under Butler not even trying to jump. At least if you get dunked on you were playing defense.


I bet you're fun at parties


>blowjobs are great, but it's not like you can't get them every day.

I want to be you.


Making a joke about underpowered consoles. How very original.


You would make a terrible physical therapist


Reddit only cares about "getting all the facts before rushing to judgement" if a man is the subject being humiliated or villainized. They immediately assume the worst of any female, with no interest in actual evidence or context.


Tom Hiddleston was perfect for the role of Loki, but Loki seems so harmless compared to Spader's Ultron. Which is perfect, since Ultron isn't trying to conquer Earth; he's trying to exterminate humanity.

This trailer has increased my hype 1000%.


Piggy-back karma whoring fail.


Another water buffalo


Is it true? I've just got this reaction today and I decided to make a post about it. May I ask for the link?


Sorry, the correct answer is piss. Piss bears.


If OP is interested in things other than human history, he/she might repost in a different sub, such as /r/askscience, for a nonhistorian's answer.


Small boobs and a fat ass are great. :(


^Everytime i see comments like these, true definition of oblivious.


Just realized Papillon is a type of dog. Was thinking of butterflies for a second there.


how about "the car that was hit" or "the car that hit the other car"? there are even more elegant solutions that don't require isolating the HUGE amount of people who don't drive


TIL only females have pubic hair.


I think you're wrong.  http://www.exrx.net/WeightExercises/Quadriceps/SLLyingLegPress.html


You don't choose the cat, the cat chooses you.


Can you not use the term 'sexy time' like you're some 13 year old cunt who just discovered /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu/ and may-may's


This is by far the best story in the thread


Better question is why do you browse /r/leagueoflegends ?

/r/dota2 is a far better subreddit and also a better game brought to use by a better company, known as Valve.

GTFO....you are no TF2 fanboi


I used to say "here's your complimentary half a tree".


Well after two world wars and the holocaust at least you have this going for you.


You have the worst fucking attorneys.


Oh yeah well you seem pretty Goofy for a glass of milk.


is H&M really considered "hipster" in  the US??


Shut the fuck up, a skateboard is not a car.


That's just not funny man. Don't even joke like that.


Wow. You saw right through that well disguised, fully disclosed ruse.


Yep. The plush ones last about 15 minutes.


Yeah champ those sure are the lyrics slugger!!


It would have been better if he was the in the rotating ironman suit behind them all along.


LOL, for it to be worth your time, your time must be worth virtually nothing.

Hurp durp, ima go west for da shits and giggles hurrrr.


hey everybody, come look at this guy.  he bought his niece a vibrator


First, we are committed to continually refine the CVT to make it more efficient, smooth, and robust.

And, if you'd like to see just how efficient, smooth, and robust the CVT of Nissan is today, please stop by your Nissan dealership to test drive a new 2015 Murano.

As far as the second question, OK, I understand and thanks for the suggestion!


I loved that they finally came out with a movie for young girls that didn't center on romance and instead discussed issues that were a little more pertinent. (young girls will be struggling with their relationships with their parents much sooner than they will find "true love")


Lol didn't notice it posted twice,  I just thought you were stupid. I'll keep them both as a momento to my mistake. When else do you get a chance to double down vote someone?


Thank you for posting this, I have always cringed hardcore when I watch a person in a movie wake up in the hospital and then 'rip' the IV from their arm. Thank you so much.


Hey, if I want a drink of milk, I'll let you know.


I closed last night and started at 6:30am today. I know the feel.


Level-up your reading comprehension, the fact that it *isn't* offensive was my whole point.


Thanks for serving man!

I wasn't there for the start of the siege back in 2004, but I can imagine what must've gone down. That's another event that needs to get more coverage...

Do you know anybody who would be interested in putting together a book?


Then you should understand the joke.


On IMDB, the rating for [This Is Spinal Tap](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088258/) is 8.0/11 instead of the usual X/10.


I don't care what anyone says, she **IS NOT** curvy. Adele is fat. **FAT.** Curvy is like a size 12-14 and wearing it well. Adele is just fat. Not curvy. Fat. Overweight. Obese.


Look at that perfectly beautiful little baby. That's so ... Just wow. I am a little happier now


We have a nigger among us!


The internet always helps me find new ways I'm sure I'll die.


I wasn't being a jerk for no reason. The rules of this sub suggest not bashing the OP because you disagree. That's what the original commenter did, and I responded in kind.


That's not that weird that's just really really dad


It's my life. Who are you to dictate what I do or don't do? Like I've told many people, if you don't like the post, just downvote it. Why even bother commenting? Here's what I say to you:

http://i.imgur.com/Cvi6l.gif


I fucking hate it.

Just mainly that people probably think you have bad hygiene or some shit. No. No NO. We just got dealt a shit hand.


how do people still think that this is funny?


"I'm sorry husband with big penis and great job, I went to Zack's house and made out in there. We also had sex."


"My parents are coming over for dinner later, what should we eat?"


One can only hope for more violence. <--- Sarcasm.


As a fat girl, I approve this message.

Edit: I just got off work and found that this is by far my most upvoted comment ever. Thanks for the self esteem boost, Reddit. :)


must be sarcasm because that was weak as shit


"Oh, a notification! Let's see what it is."

So-and-so jerked to your photo.


> There are people that still think Yao Ming wasn't a good center and only got where he was because of his height

Take height away from any NBA center and they're no longer an NBA caliber player.


Vywyls? *Vywyls?* Wy dyn't nyyd ny stynkyn vywyls!


I haven't got long. Everyone get to the submarines and take off!


Maplestory?

Edit: you are all making me glad I didn't spend money on this game....


It is her fault to grant access to the file and enable the whole misery. It's not her fault people are immature jerks about the situation. So yeah, she should have been more careful, but mistakes happen. Or...  people could have acted just a little bit like adults for a few minutes, so its like 30%/70% blame to me.


This is the one time where a Canadian saying "sorry" just isn't enough.


Perfectly legal? When the rich write the laws, everything they do is legal. Ethical? Moral? Those may be the real questions. And as we've already seen in this Republican contest, ethics and morals mean jack shit unless it's an accusation being leveled at the opposition.


So what you're tell me is, American's live beyond the wall?

(sorry, I'll go back to reading my book now)


im glad ur dad is dead he probbly died to get away from ur shitty self


A truly valiant effort, my friend.


Are you 12 years old?


Ted is the worst character on television.


what a douche comment


To loosely quote another redditor
"Whenever I read a cool news story, I always check the comments to see why I shouldn't be excited"


lol did you get that idea from that kid who build a nuclear reactor in his back yard


It does. And we apologize for the collapse of the universe.


Nope - it is unbreakable by tools.
You can however break it with custom explosions ... that are kinda big.


Captain Blackadder: "I, on the other hand, am a fully rounded human being with a degree from the university of life, a diploma from the school of hard knocks, and three gold stars from the kindergarten of getting the shit kicked out of me."


A adult who smokes probably knows the health concerns.


This happened to my girlfriend.  She picked me up mid-jog and we grabbed food.  I had to run back to her car (which was very far away) then drive to her place and get some cash and come back.  This waiter was flirting with her when I returned.  Boy was he let down.


What the fuck ever... dude is worth 18 million.  I'd sign my name for 12 hours straight for just 500 thousand of that.  He's a wuss and needs to grow a pair.


Or octopodes, if I recall correctly.


I have people following me around Reddit telling as many people as they can about this thread. Trust me, people *care*.


>  but the medium he found to detect his spirit was a complete charlatan.

So... a medium then.


He should have thought twice before deciding to resist.


he isn't saying that people who smoke weed are better he is saying that a lot of the good professional snowboarders don't compete in the olympics due to the drug testing that (apparently) doesn't happen in the x games... so the fact that he dominates both is just a testament to his skills


Wow.. Wasn't expecting all this hate. I knew the title sucked but didn't realize it ruined the whole joke. You assume I'm a 9gager even though I have never visited the site for so much as a second?


This'd be hilarious,just buy out the canteen and chow down constantly while loads of hungry kids watch


Came here looking for something like this, got a double negative instead. Did not disappoint.


Notice how they are allowed to be redlining it at 140mph though?


Actually I had a conversation with rmuser a few weeks ago and he said that he has never claimed to be a trans woman ... he seems fine with being male, you are the one who has a problem with your boyfriend being male ... maybe he is just agreeing to stay in his drag queen role to please you so that you can still call yourself a lesbian eh


Everytime I get invited to a wedding, I gift the couple easily over a couple hundred dollars. If there was an admission fee of $100, I wouldn't even show up. That shit sounds absurd.


Ok... sweetheart.

I will share my love with you.

How about you list the things you hate, and I will beg you to love them?

That sounds like it will be a really interesting discussion for both of us. I'm looking forward to this.

Sweetheart.

Sweetheart.


Mr. Martin, why does Joss Whedon kill everyone that I love?


What is "aughing?"  :-P


Kilograms or pounds... make up your mind!


hahaha fuck the downvoters shit this made me laugh LOL


Is this a cow noise that shoots out like a laser?


>May 5th, 2007

>May 5th, 2007

>May 5th, 2007

>May 5th, 2007

[EDIT.](http://www.srcxor.org/graphics/hiveMind.jpg)


Are you a mom? This is a mom joke.


Good to see you get passionate over the important stuff. feylias, their ideology, and anyone who took more than 6.4 seconds to read this comment (aka the cyber-philanthropist's manifesto) are deserving of my scorn.

fakedit: don't seconds seem long when you count them? Will fight dissenters.


no.no.no.no.no.no.no.no.no.no.no.no.no.no.no.yes.


What a lovely community. Encouraged to burn and die because I don't find a woman attractive.


The richest man in Qarth.


They're blocking the protesters from getting to the church to protest the church's role in anti-abortion laws. The church has a lot of influence there, and it's fought strongly against women's reproductive rights.

Edit: -58 votes. Wow, how dare we mention relevant facts when reddit's anti-feminist circle-jerk is full steam ahead. CHOO! CHOO!


If a nord offers you fish, politely run away


I would tell that kid that santa died in the holocaust and the easter bunny has rabies and wants to rip out his throat in his sleep.


One time I was with this girl. Things were getting pretty intense, and when I made my way south she warned me that her "Aunt Flo" was coming to town. Not knowing what that meant, I simply laughed it off and went to town down there. It was only later that I learned what that meant. Boy, was my face red!


no thanks, we don't want


"Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?"

"That is the only time a man can be brave."

Bran & Ned.


Karma always bites back though remember that. You don't get away with shady under-the-table stuff like you did today and think it's not going to bite you in the ass later. There is no telling what could of happen but that **blatant** PI your boys got away with was wrong..


To be fair, that would be pretty impressive to do right on the spot.

EDIT: And wow, this is telling. My highest rated comment ever is a obvious statement. Guess it pays to get here first.


Congrats, you're a child.


You haven't watched enough porn.


Like alot of streamers?

Weeds content is top notch compared to 90% of twitch, but you're not happy that he takes a few moments after every game he plays to give free stuff away?


wow. spot on with the hair.


OOOOOOOO WHOS A GOOD WITTLE CACUWAITOR. WHO CAN CACUWAIT THINGS. YOU CAN! YOU CAN!


Hold on, let me get this straight. Are you telling me that in that movie the forty different asians wearing suits were all ***ONE GUY?!***


>gamerghazi poster

into the trash goes your post

http://i.imgur.com/zN518Xg.jpg


You shoulda been like "you see, I run this Chinese restaurant..."


Good riddance, every liberal that dies is a boon to this country.


Did you go to days 2 through 45? Might be the problem.


I'm not saying playing dress up with a child is spoiling them, I'm saying that doing whatever your child asks of you whenever they ask it is spoiling them.


"...Then life sucks, then you die. Then life sucks, then you die. Then..."


This is irrelevant considering they mod tons of other subreddits. This is way to small a pie for them to care about.


Ah, so that's why I always look purple in selfies.


Ouch.  I was OK with -114, but -115 really hurts!


I force my cats to watch those sad commercials to know how good they have it.


> If it's easy - it's worthless.

The girl I met last (/your mother/your significant other etc..) night wasn't worthless


No, sit like this: http://imgur.com/2EYrr


literally every team in the country does this, its hardly unique to chelsea


Holy crap, you're friends with Morgan Freeman and Gandalf?


No.  You're right.  I randomly found an image of a cat I figured had never been on reddit before .  Then I purposely wrote " my karma machine". Not " my cat "
Then I ..... Ahhhhhh    Forget it


In America we like to say, "Hey! Get in the back of the line! Can't you see all these people who have been waiting?". You will quickly be called out and the people in line will collectively come together to berate you until you move.


>What exactly am I supposed to be jealous of here. Please, tell me.

Jealous *and* stupid then.


Yeah, if a guy does go into a women's restroom in a horror flick, he's definitely gonna die.


Why is this getting downvoted? Seriously I'm stating the truth. I've known this kid my whole life. So downvote this too pricks.


Yeah! I get exactly the same comparison to people's daughters, plus compliments on my beard.


Ninth grade year? I was 5 when blink was big... Blink was my high school soundtrack..


1 upvote = 10 meals
1 share =100 meals
Ignore this if you don't believe in God!


...But, but, my made up, fictitious, imaginary God told me to do it...


What about the guy who is registered because he got caught peeing in public? I know a couple people whose lives are shit because they didn't walk far enough in to the tree line.

I totally agree with your sentiment, but we have to remember there are degrees to everything, and every degree has its little complications that make any sort of purely objective reasoning much harder to apply.


Throws a childish shitfit over fake internet stories

Demands professionalism on pseudonymous online forum meant for fun

Ok.

I'd despair over people like you getting so damn mad over the most trivial reddit bullshit if it wasn't so tragically funny.


Pillow, what would you say is your biggest weakness?


Shut the fuck up faggot


She may not be Jesus, but I'd still nail the shit out of her.


Why doesn't Reddit like arrowstotheknee jokes? They're funny!


Bonus creepy in my case because I have an advanced degree in criminal justice.

So instead of physics it'd be serial killers and crime statistics.

Mom: Sweetie, don't tell strangers your name, there are a lot of bad men out there.

Me: Actually, mom, last year was the beginning of a sudden crime decline nationwide which will leave crime rates the lowest they've been since 1960.


You may need yours back

edit: backwards waterfall

edit2: keep it coming folks

edit3: 4 more and i'll be at 700 comment karma

edit4: manly tears


Ok a statement that starts out with 'weekend kink party at a 200 acre dungeon' cannot be left unexplained. So oh do tell just what the hell was this 'event' you were at?


Micheal had Parkinson and it lead to the end of his career. It is a fatal diseas that causes the muscles to cause "day twitch". It can lead to heart attacks. Why the fuck would  you make a joke like that?!?! You mine as well mock someone for having cancer you piece of shit!


Um, do you have an HR department? That is totally illegal... All of it.


That is DISGUSTING. I would love to hang out with the OP. Where do you live, OP? I would love for you to go to church with me.

To the writer of this comment, I'm praying for you. This type of behavior is not tolerated where I live. Please save your soul before IT IS TOO LATE. :)


If I could sit on somebody's face, it would be his.


I hate to be the guy in this thread, but /r/pcmasterrace / /r/macmasterrace  / /r/linuxmasterrace ; Take your pick. ^as ^long ^as ^it's ^not ^pc ^or ^mac

Edit: YMMV; but c'mon, it's free...


you forgot: both can see Russia from their house


Do you plan to release any sc2 content or did u give up when your kickstarter failed hard?


His greasy hair and multiple chins really seal the deal.


Not sure why you were downvoted...
Edit: Lol nevermind, I guess all the downvotes were transferred to me... r/nba is a damn shame.


at first I thought you were talking about the shoes and I was like but they are cool and then I saw the mobile-rape dungeons part and I was like whatttt then I put it together in my head and just felt utterly stupid.


Why is the handicapped spot empty?  That's right no one uses them.  I am sorry, but if all other spots are filled, the handicapped stops are fair game.

Handicapped people don't get the ability to be immune from a full lot.


Nothing better than sex with the roommate. It's simple and efficient, no need for dates and shits.

edit: My first 1000+ karma comment. I'd like to take this moment to thank my PENIS and my brain and say PENIS again. PENIS.

~PENIS


LOL because they act black (NOT RACIST!)


You are so not invited to my birthday party.


lol the amount of redditors that are arrogant enough to assume that american spelling is the correct one is ridiculous.


I hope you have a wonderful life. http://i.imgur.com/oaDG0.gif


Dude, shut the fuck up


***TEAM FORTRESS 3 CONFIRMED***


I've said it before, you are faggot.


Let them get her fired.  What she did is hugely unprofessional.  It wasn't just an embarrassment to you, it was an embarrassment to your boss, your clients, the restaurant, and herself.  Even though she knew you since you were a kid, in that situation you were her client and she had an obligation to provide you a professional level of service.  She failed miserably at her job.


whitesilence is a pretty cool guy, in my humble opinion.


I'd imagine you could drain the tub and refill it pretty quickly without disturbing the catfish too much.

Never thought I'd type a sentence like that one before...


She was pissed at him because he was 9 and couldn t tell his mother out from a crowd from one hour.

My nephew is 2 and he d find his mothe in 10 minutes.


Because fuck you that's why.


>Then one of the kids of those people who he educated in his workplace won't beat up the kid down the street for being a sissy...

WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE HYPOTHETICAL CHILDREN OF THE PERSON WHOSE ABILITY NOT TO BE A BIGOT WAS SOMEHOW CRUSHED BY THE CRUEL TRANS PERSON WHO REACTED ANGRILY WHEN TRIGGERED BY SLURS?


>Cries loudly until I get off.

You brits are a sick lot.


whose*

I would have left you too!


My word, that mental image made me crack up for the last 5 minutes.


Jesus.  Keto is not an excuse to stuff your face. Calories still matter. Why can't people understand this"?


Dude, you still have a very sad, sad job.


I logged in just to say that and the amount of time it took me to log in you already posted it, faggot


Don't you dare close your eyes...


I used to send chain letters, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I've hypothesized it was a parental compromise between Sharon and meth addiction.


I never claimed he did you dumb fucking moron. I was just pointing out the fact that if there were grenade launcher carrying nutjobs on the streets ANYWHERE, there will be government snipers.

OP is trying to make us believe that the sniper is targeting civilians instead of grenade launcher carrying "rebels".

You know the same rebels that are carrying suicide bombings.


This thread is about to go off the rails


Damn good rapper? What the fuck is a good rap song?

Edit: Christ, guys calm down. It's just shitty coon toons.


People call me sir at my job and I almost feel the need to correct them, like

"Excuse me sir, where are th-"

"I'm sorry ma'am, you must have me confused for someone else. I'm still mentally 12 years old."


Yeah no it wouldn't because there isn't a stereotype of panda fathers abandoning their children that is exploited in popular culture for laughs and the detriment of society

tldr: shit's racist, and not funny


I got good guy Satan being progressive


You're high if that's what you think I meant.


Nope, thread checks out.

Source: PhD in Bubbleological Science


Well, they didn't choke anyone to death, so...

EDIT: You can downvote it all you want, kids, it doesn't change the truth.  The language "choked to death" was used for sensationalism, and most of you fell for it.  Sorry?  Facts are facts, folks.


I would be violent too if I couldn't have ice cream.


Hurry up make a funny comment and join me in the Karma express.


Was it like a fucking rudder when you were swimming?


No, I am a conservative. But I can still understand that other cultures are different and respect that.


That voice. Good lord, it's like nails on a chalkboard.


i have an overwhelming urge to put on the lid and roll the jar around while the cat freaks out inside.


That, and also the vast majority of the public has no clue either. Seriously, Born in the USA is played all the time to "pump up the crowd", they have no clue that it actually criticizes the United States, and frankly a lot of people couldn't handle that idea, because they already like Bruce Springsteen. Contradictory ideas don't fit into most peoples heads.


ALL ABOARD THE ANTI KARMA TRAIN!


*Our upvotes will blot out the sun.*


Guys, 4chan is that way ->


My mom googled my name and it came up. She said she got bored and was googling everyone's name. So she did mine.

I have since changed it so you cannot find my porn by googling my name.


Excuse me I am not white I am a proud trans-nigga. It's whats inside that counts not the color of a niggas skin. Take that racist bullshit to /r/KKK or where ever.


The worst part is that they're essentially little cannabis sweat shops, where small immigrant children are paid pennies an hour for the back-breaking and hazardous task of building all the marijuanas.


Do you need a story? People dress up as a Star Wars character, do a mundane activity, get a million upvotes from stupid cunts.


Maybe she was just used to his junk tasting funky.  TAKE A SHOWER BRO.


he is also an amazing -65 since joining the Leafs in 2009.


Chick-Fil-A employee reporting in, I get paid in bibles and trident layers, so I'm not sure of my total compensation.


Oh didn't realize this was suicide help subreddit, guess with all the suicide watch threads I see here this was bound to happen.


Solve for Γ? Uh, that's an upside L. L is the 12th letter so 21!


Start a bar fight, possibly die or at least go to jail.

Only a fucking limp dick moron starts an unnecessary fight.

Go back to jacking it to roadhouse.

Edit: oh god damnit, fucking reading.


tell that to my ex-girlfriend


It's like sour candy sometimes you just want a bad joke.


1 year 6 comment karma, amateurs.


Me? No, I'm from Philly, this is just my normal attitude


"I am approaching climax"


>Anyone else recently started having missing conversation audio for roughly 1/3 of the lines?

>As a strict rule I avoid official forums as they are without exception cesspools of hatred and stupidity.

As a strict rule, you seem to just bring your hatred and stupidity to reddit instead.  kudos.


When they first showed the birds in that video, I thought JonTron had photoshopped in intentionally shitty birds.. but no. It was actually the movie.


Care to elaborate on your vague statement

This hardly made me even close to a laugh


http://i.imgur.com/UWfSy.jpg

At least that's kinda how I see it. Jokes aside, excellent work, man. It's neat to see how such a basic set of tools can be used to create something beautiful.


Or buy a new Minecraft account like I did.


Oh god, I can already see them making statements saying they're being "forced" to raise their prices due to "oppressive" regulations being placed upon them by the FCC.


But they are ANGRY on REDDIT that justifies *anything*.


River otters can remain underwater for nearly 4 minutes, swim at speeds approaching 11 km/h (6.8 mph), dive to depths nearing 20 m (22 yd), and travel up to 400 m (440 yd) while underwater.


Shallow Americans only care about their teeth.


I used to be that guy until I realized one quick shut is better than a 40 second creak.


like the awesome detail of running is fastest with the knife out.  Could make sense from a versus standpoint, but doesnt make much sense past "tradition" for multiplayer.


Think about it next time you're in bed with her.


We all lose loved ones, but that doesn't mean it's acceptable to taint /r/pics with self-indulgent karma whoring. Instead of being so negative, perhaps you should set up a sub-reddit for posting pictures of the deceased... if there isn't one already? It would certainly help keep /r/pics clean of this utterly insignificant crap!


~60 MPH for all the rest of us freedom-loving 'Muricans.


Thats kinda hot. And has a happy ending!


I have a feeling that your econ teacher thought this was hilarious and bragged to all the other teachers about how well you guys understood capitalism


why don't you go suck his dick then you faggot nigger lover


Does no one understand? *You could punt those tiny horses.*


Instructions to the Ancient Israelites.  And?


Such a smooth switch from a bump to a shake


Yet you probably think the collusion between left wing reporters about questions to ask Romney is just fine.

Your comment is just another stupid illustration of hypocrisy.


The average Redditor will upvote any comment that mentions Elon Musk, even when it's completely out of nowhere in an insanely irrelevant thread.

**EDIT** - ***!!!URGENT!!!*** NEED TO KNOW RIGHT FUCKING NOW Is it safe for octopi to drink beer???


I kissed a girl and I upvoted it.


"vanished into a sparkly haze" did it for me.


I disagree. In 10 or 20 years time people will look back and think " what a bunch of [insert period correct insult here] how could they ever think that is attractive?"


best part, she can't tell anyone about it because she'd have to start off with "so I was scratching my asshole when..."


**I HAVE STRONG POLITICAL OPINIONS THAT ARE ACTUALLY MY PARENT'S**


My eyes trailed after "LOUD DRUNKEN LESBIAN SEX" to this comment and I wondered how this could have gone wrong.

Welp.


If Gingrich, Romney, Santorum, or Obama get elected. There will be no America left within the next 4 years. Paul is our only hope


I'll get the tequila.


They did an evaluation on him before they did any modification. He is mentally healthy. I just think a spic trying to be a Nazi villain is a little bit ironic.


Thank you for clarifying.


Guarantee they're not automatic weapons.


when I enrolled into your college, i thought your brochure said "Free Wifi"


he's not talking about chocking the baby, he's talking about the dog becoming human agressive and attacking the baby, which would mean almost certain death


i'm not sure if I should picture you as a 7 foot tall air elemental, or the previous bridesmaid as a 300+lb 3 foot sphere of fat.


Find a cheese vat to drown in.


So its not fake?

Now I'm sad.


It's called the defensive line bro

Yes, down vote me for being correct, fucking faggots


That's probably a good *ass*umption and *anal*ogy.


god PLEASE tell me they were attractive and PLEASE tell me you would have done it....I would probably be BAD santa because I would want to bang each one of these decent looking women


Abso-fucking-lutely.
You have all these feelings and shit, I can drive a car.


Why do you have to be racist?


He also knows his wife knows he did that and is looking forward to the good "karma" it'll net him.


Fair enough. But you are still a concern troll.


I knew a girl who was missing half of her index finger. So she told me this story of being in a car and some little kid was staring at her from the car he was in. So she "picks" her nose, pulls the finger out and then mimes freaking out about it being "half-gone." The kid lost his shit and she drove away.


What? That seems irrelevant.  I was pointing out your shitty idea that one girl represents all of them.  I probably shouldn't try to fight your shitty sexism anyway


Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957, I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three: medium brown.


Then they should lower the price.


250 scientists and about 160 engineers -- remember this is a 24.6/7 operation! We're working in shifts.

And how did we celebrate? To each his own... Tasty beverages, missed high-fives, well-deserved naps after shifts were over. :D - SLS


No there's not.

Thats like saying one language or one religion is right or wrong. Its just an made up form of communication.

Grammar relative to english theres right or wrong, sure.


So my girlfriend made me this shitty title


I'm sorry. But what? Texting someone a bunch and nagging them is not entrapment. Get the fuck out of here


The fuck is a Zanger Rinus?


AHAHAHAHAHA youre trying so hard :') bet youre working up a sweat lmao


Ouch. That was a concise summary of how small things, accumulated over years, become large things.


shut up the fuck up; the things people would do for karma


Kid went from 9 to 40 overnight, jesus...


...You're right. My memory is terrible.


I'm giving my money to the better product and we're too far away from knowing which one will do better


I don't see how this isn't your fault...


he worked at a community center in  highlands NJ our Home town,
he used to read comics in the corner and we started chatting about batman and such...COMICSSSSSSS!!!!!


You don't have to visit. We're perfectly happy without you.


compared to hitler hes a god


no, it never does, and you dont have an ounce of "swagger" if you think it does.

I did a search with this being the only result for 8-bit. Seriously burn that thing.

Downvote me you fucks I don't care. &#3232;\_&#3232;


> half hour breaks every hour.

The American dream.


Ignorance of knowledge and ignorance of tact are different things, but you've cleared this up with other posts.


She did, that's why she's sitting in that particular spot.


Are you also sorry about all the Vietnamese civilians he killed in that war of aggression?


One day you'll find someone else who loves the bold taste of Shiner Bock to spend your life with.


Sigh.  Rape jokes aren't funny.  They just aren't.


My school had the stupid policy that if you were even a second late to a class you had to go sit in the cafeteria until that class was over. Which was even more idiotic considering there was always at least one bus late. it also led to people deciding they didn't want to go to class and just going right to the cafeteria.


Why did you capitalize buttercup?


A leak in the nuclear plant has been keeping everybody in Springfield from aging. They fix it and everybody grows old and dies.


I used to jump... then I took an arrow too the knee!


Related: All of these "parties" that women throw to sell stuff.


Yes, let's blame the victims here and criticize their parenting choices FIRST. I'm sure that's what they need right now.


Which leads to a fun new homicide method of force feeding someone a 10x dose so they dissipate into nothing


Why would he hate you? The boys have beaten themselves today.


Great potential to be a politician.


That's ridiculous, who would want one?

&nbsp;

<.< >.>

&nbsp;

 (I do, baka)


Butterflies taste with their feet.


People are probably about to die and this dumb fuck is making stupid ass jokes that get upvoted to the top, way to go reddit.


Some women don't even know they're having one because it happens so early in the pregnancy they think they're just getting their period.


Seriously? Why dignify this childish post with a comment?


Here it is, the 2-1 goal, the own goal to make it 2-2, and the OT winner.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThpYsN-4p7w


No, we're still in first cause we have more divisional wins


Get your shit together Brent.


DISREGARD THIS I SUCK COCKS


EDIT 4: DOWNVOTES??? REALLY?


Because god shows proof of his existence in a video game... Seems legit.

EDIT: Corrected.


I had a friend who did just 1 and his head fell off.

RIP :(
Not even once...


Or how long his relationships last. Domestic abuse is a serious issue.


Wait, so they said to dye your hair to get past the ban on hair dye?

The fuck were they smoking?


no, because i value my life


So this means... there is no cuckoo's  nest? Then how does one fly over? :O


idk, my phone has shitty battery life so I thought that would help


Sounds like you didn't actually give her the line, there was no sexytime, and there is no "her", but you know how to read webcomics on the Internet.

Don't bother rushing to contradict me. Unless you have photographic proof, that is; otherwise idgaf

edit: Most downvoted comment in my history! WOOO


What are you, the shoe police?


protoss still op as always


Dudes: You do not even know how gross girls can be. You think you do because you all have that one story about that girl in your class who never showered or the regrettable yeast-infected one night stand, but you don't. It's all of us. WE BLEED AND SWEAT AND SMELL BAD AND MISDIRECT YOU SO YOU THINK WE ARE NATURALLY MADE OF RAINBOWS.

Ladies: Wear breathable fabrics on guaranteed sex days.


*Woooooooooooosh*. Somebody took a sip from the stupid-cup today.. ;D


My girlfriend and me were camping, she peed in the woods and must have squatted in poison ivy, she got it on her inner thighs....needless to say I got it all over my face. No sir not fun at all.


my nobl--------BOOM!~

shakalaka


How the hell did you know I was black?


I'm afraid to say everyone is a grower, it's standard function for every penis to grow when aroused. Ergo you just have a tiny penis. Sorry to be the one to break the news.


The trick is timing. If you try to pop it too early and fail, then you have an irritated, inflamed nightmare. If you wait until it's good and ripe and pop it successfully, the pain will decrease and it will disappear quicker. I've spent a lot of time in the mirror over the years debating on the perfect time to give it a squeeze. You win some, you lose some.

Source: I was once a teenager.


You should be having Mourinho's back since you are a Porto fan


Isn't that more like the original google translate?


I was having internet problems earlier.


Everyone went crazy together; that's kind of cute.


Does it remind you of how you manipulate your employment statistics, I_AM_LAW_SCHOOL?


I have a sister and she is NUTS!


I agree. It's adorable and altering the power counts as defacing, so a defaced card is a cheaper card! Adorable and cheaper, who could ask for better?


If you watch the entire video they do a non muslim guy as well.


I'm of a cynical mind so it was my immediate first conclusion when I read the topic. Not to say it's not hot, or that what you're describing isn't awesome and wonderful. One of my ex's nipples are in the same place every time I've seen her, and lightly flipping them annoys the hell out of her... Or maybe the word is "frustrates"...


Lik dis if u were a 90's kid.


I used to be some sort of physics ninja, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


*it was in that brief moment I saw my life for what it could have been; misery, a life of subservience, nothing to look forward to or feel. Even now these walls are closing in on me. This man doesn't know me, he hasn't seen what will be like I have. No, but if he did, well. That wouldn't be good for them. I need to get out, leave before my course of fate stays as this*


Sarcasm on my Reddit?

You have an interesting name for someone who doesn't like misogyny.


Especially since a good portion of pop music is already sung by children.


Thanks for letting me know, Slytherbot2!


I can summarize what his brother said in his will in two words:

Fuck 'em.


>rape culture

lol

Write about fairy tales often?


The clit is a female penis.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/e7/aa/02/e7aa02e8a0239e6b5f10799a60af87d9.jpg


Which is fine. I do not think this subreddit is a safe space yet either, and you are not obligated to share anything personal that you don't want to.


Give him a job on Jersey Shore. He's clearly intelligent and orange enough


Don't hate the player, hate the game.


yeah he's pretty good.


jajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajaja


Is your favorite band Muse? If so you didn't miss much. They suck donkey dick. Don't mean to insult you. You should try some Radiohead, they ripped them off hardcore.


Alt + Tab shifts through all open windows. On Windows 7, 'windows key' + Tab does something awesome. Try it out.

Also, Ctrl + Tab shifts between tabs within an internet window.


No, it is not too long.  What's wrong with modesty?


God, it feels like I'm tickling my brain.


ERMAHGERD, MERNYERN ERN WERNDERS SQUERRRR


The show is on netlix....you can binge watch it in all its fucked up glory


come on man, don't bring gaybox 360 into this...


Shh, Death might hear you...I don't know if we're breaking up *quite* yet.


Well bitch DOES mean female dog.....samus is a furry o.o.


Water seeks its own level


i herd yew liek turtles


I can just imagine it:

"*HER VAGINA TOUCHED THIS BRANCH.*"


I think that's a big "if" Brock is definitely the sort of guy to come up with bullshit excuses for his own failures.


Found this little title in the alley


You're laughing at pedophilia?

Edit: I was joking. However, I forgot Poe's law, so I guess that's my bad.


What I meant was that pass interference and holding calls like that generally tend to fall on a scale, from the obvious to the ticky tacky, whereas illegal formations are either illegal or they're not. There's no "ticky tacky" illegal formations.


Took me a few stupid-seconds to realize that it wasn't him.


as an atheist you have no idea how irked i get when it is god, not science, being thanked.  makes no sense.  i *REALLY* have to learn to never scroll down again on youtube.


That sort of thing always bothered me, banning things just because of how they *might* be used.  Especially all the ways it can be exploited, like your case.

You might as well ban oxygen, since it's a prime ingredient in both explosions and fire.


What point is that?  Romney clearly dismissed the Birthers.  That isn't enlisting himself in the Birthers movement, its the exact opposite.  If anything that's another vile Obama lie and smear.


TLDR; This guy drank a lifetime supply of Mountain Dew in one month.


In the end I got on SRS, which is all that matters in the end right?


To be honest, neither does an anal power generator


Shame on you for not calling the police.  She drove drunk and could have killed someone!  And your nice actions meant that you reinforced her poor decision to drive drunk rather than her being reprimanded for it.

**EDIT: You can downvote me to the centre of the earth, but I will FOREVER be against drinking and driving and I will ALWAYS speak out against it.**


And it all started the year after the Patriot Act was signed into effect.

Coincidence? I think not.


Figures that ainbow wouldn't be able to figure out what 'cishet' means.


I am a professor, I can confirm this.


hah. made me laugh.. out loud


I'm confused too; how are we even supposed to know who to hate anymore?

I'm adopting an "I don't hate Jews, but I reserve the right to hate Jews who presume I hate Jews" policy.


God she's so anorexically hot...


Or firewall, or just any technical terms whatsoever...

"I"m building a firewall around the program so the virus doesn't infect our network... oops it escaped!" *facepalm*


> I just don't think she (or anyone) would chose to have sex with a face full of concrete

it's cute how unaware you are of all the sexual deviants who enjoy painful, humiliating sex.


the tide comes in and the tide goes out, can't explain that.


I REPEAT THINGS I HEARD BECAUSE THEY WERE HEARD BY ME AND I FELT BADLY SO I USE THOSE WORDS I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY MEAN WORDS ARE JUST WORDS WORDS YOU KNOW CHECKMATE FEMINAZIS


Im more flabbergasted that OP can just whinny off to a mates place to watch the footy like he's Clint Eastwood


This joke is only funny if you enjoy mocking those who have been psychologically damaged by extremely harmful abuses. In short - you're an asshole. I know you're probably proud of that - but most people actually place value on attempting to become a better human being.


D:

Thread is over, guys. He wins.


You don't understand how a unique number could help identify someone streaming a feed?


*See local law enforcement for details*


If you are abused, you walk the fuck away.  Gender aside, last time I checked, women and men are equal in the ability to do so.

You walk the fuck away,

Edit:  Just an FYI, but I see every downvote as someone who is saying that women can't just walk away as men can.  Basically I'm seeing your point is that women are weaker than men.


No it's like buying a new graphics card for a computer at an Internet cafe.


This is what I thought they were poking fun at. Just proves, Simpsons gets rich, so they write jokes about the lifestyle of the rich... meaning it's no longer as funny to as wide a market...

Actually... it's just not funny at all.


I'm not feeling cringey so much as admiration for that level of dedication. Hats off.


I get what you mean. Nice to see you take some things in high regard and not come across like a bellend really isn't it?


Google can only hope


**C O P C E P T I O N**


He dedicated his life to serving the people.

There is no higher honor, and he will be remembered as a hero in our country as well.


This physically hurts me to look at.

Edit: cry more, bitches.


The Ring has heard its master's call. It *wants* to be found.


Yeah because you mouth breathers couldn't leave me alone. All i asked for was to be left in peace, couldnt do that could you?


Flying car, calling it.


Every movie title could be possible. OP said "replace movie titles with the word rape", not "replace a word of a movie title with the word rape".

That's the joke.

Edit: lol


Well sure. But to be fair, gym etiquette also dictates that you don't shit yourself.


sorry but im a female so "oh you must be gay yourself hur hur" wont work on me, i guess youd have had to use a reply that required some thought, but yes, sometimes that must be hard for you


Fuckin' ref always ruinin' things.


Sorry, i must have missed a minute of reddit. I dont see the glaring joke.


Never has the NSFW tag been more appropriate.


>You have **come** in handy so much lately.

edit: Surely people don't actually think I'm wrong. I just lost the grammar Nazi roulette, right?


Could you imagine the outrage if high schools started giving out certain awards that required you to be white?

Look, I'm not trying to pretend how white people have it hard -- but the only way to get rid of racism is to stop being racist.  A black-only award is racist.


Someone call the cops, this man's nuts are missing. Although I think he's been aware of it for some time.

Edit: The score to this comment really demonstrates Gunnit's ability to take a joke. Why so serious bros?


Plot twist: *She's black.*


Not to mention Mw3 most likely has been pirated about 0 times total vs the many times I'm sure Skyrim has.

Edit: FUCK! I don't have 4 digit comment karma anymore.Oh well I will go down with my ship no matter the costs.


Please tell me more about your amazing transformational abilities.


Suicide is selfish? Are you kidding me?

Edit: Seriously. I don't think you people know you people know what the fuck you're talking about. Sometimes suicide is the only way out. I had a good friend that killed himself after his parents and sister died in a car crash and his wife left him thousands in debt. I would NEVER think of him as selfish for killing himself.

But go ahead. Downvote me.


Thanks. It was really vague until I stumbled on your comment.


Dude she's prob full of shit...calm down.


I dont get off that toilet until that tp comes out clean on the other end.


Scarlett Johannsen ... the OTHER side.

[Shuuuuuuuddddddddddddder.](http://i.imgur.com/uUiy5.jpg)


I heard Brian Williams was there too.

Edit: Looks like Brian Williams gives out gold too! Thanks!


Because you decided to take those loans. No one forced them on you.


Other girls help, too.


Idiot, old monitors can have a higher res then most newer monitors.


As a man, this comment makes me feel better.


If your date drops 200+ on a dinner date, he should be getting laid no matter what nonsense he's saying


Your boyfriend nearly gave away our secrets.


Scottish I think you'll find. Please don't call us British.

Edit: Okay, no one seems to understand this so I'll put it in an example of why I'm Scottish not British.
Think of Sicily. Part of Italy, but they don't count themselves as Italian (at least from what I've read) that's my view on the whole Scottish = British thing.


And everybody else would fuck themselves to death.


Assuming "odd" things and immediately accusing someone of cheating is pretty bold.

Plz demuslim, no johns. There's always something with you losing, always. It's cringeworthy. Just once, plz no johns. Be the professional you claim to be.


Redditor for 4 months and 3 days.

He checks out.


You want to read an entire bill just to win an Internet argument?


What makes this tragic story almost bearable is the mental image of the mother armed with a baseball bat trying to defend herself as her son comes at her, swinging his sister by the legs. I imagine that would be a terrible dilemma for a mother.


> They generate almost all of the revenue from the membership price

Not to be a dick, but take a look at your wikipedia and change one of those words


As a British person looking to see if we had anyone there:

1. Checked "U" for United Kingdom

2. Checked "G" for Great Britain

3. Checked "E" for England

4. Finally checked "B".

Edit: Wow, thanks for the gold!


have you tried? if not why hate? it might actually feel good? i havent tried but iam not judging if it feels good or bad.


She committed suicide... like, WTF? She very well could've died specifically BECAUSE of this entire ordeal.  I hope this woman gets caught.


I like when idiots like you try to correct spelling and fail themselves. He is right. You're = you are. "You are all jerk offs". "Your all jerk offs" doesn't make sense. Go back to school kid.


Sorry I posted that 3 times my phone is stupid.


I don't know, maybe I just care about human rights and not being a horrible, disgusting, overindulgent Arab.

Edit: Enjoy Saudi Arabia, downvoters! Enjoy putting gay people to death and ruthlessly exploiting filipino migrant workers!


Put that TL:DR on my headstone, please.


Yay for petrodollars!


Trans..... Transponster!!!


I think you've all proven my point more than I could have ever hoped for.


Once we are all working in the slave-pits together, I will try to put in a good word for you all.  I will be like the old Barnard Hughes character in Tron, who remembers the Master Control Program when it was just accounting software.


IF I DON'T LOOK AT MISOGYNY AND RACISM AND OTHER SHIT THEN IT DOESN'T EXIST; I AM LITERALLY THE RAVENOUS BUGBLATTER BEAST OF TRAAL


Exactly. Not "turns out", everyone should fucking know this.

Edit: Holy shit, my first 4 digit karma comment :O


There's your instadownvote.


She has a "friend" and they plan on running away together after I die.  She won't leave because she thinks her family will disown her if she divorces me, I won't leave because I don't want some other dude trying to raise my kids.  Regardless of how unhappy I am, I'd rather see my kids.


As a trans person, I would love for the word "passable" to never exist in reference to trans people. Not everyone has the privilege to be read as their gender, and it's a bummer. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


It's intestinal russian roulette


says the guy who needs girls to pm him their titties lmfao pathetic

disabling inbox replies lata you virgins


While wearing a red shirt.


I used to want to get married atop the Earth's raging hard-on, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


"Wait, stop it, no! That wasn't for you!"


You're so lucky that works EVERY TIME!


I've made a huge sheet cake.


lol,

why would a random person care?


I have done 4 spacewalks (in total I have been "outside over 27 hours) It's actually not that quiet since your spacesuit has fans running (you're basically in your own self-contained spaceship)


That's cool but this baby is still ugly, relatively speaking.


Farisr9k: Jesus take the wheel!

Jesus: no.


I would feel the same way. It's not a matter of her being naturally large breasted or artificially big breasted. It's a matter of too much being seen by other people.


Yeah, after that until she finished High school I was her "Go To" friend. I was the brother who gave dating advice and went on emergency runs to the store for tampons and chocolate.


You're a lying piece of shit and a bloody idiot on top. Are you aware that I don't live in the US?


I'mma need that -bruuuuugh- karma, Morty!

That fucking show is annoying


Thanks! It's for a MADE glass show. Someone stole this off my facebook and raped all my sweet, sweet karma. :(


He really *should* die.


Yeah definitely jerking to you.


Hahaha, immediately what sprung to mind during that scene. My girlfriend and I started yelling "DILLOOOOOON" in the theater


Did you have a fart attack?


Sure you weren't fapping on your couch?


yeah that's a valid question, but man, if snow just all dropped at once that would be fucked


The headline is misleading, this has more to do than just the long form.
Where did reddit's objectivity go on this issue?  Can't yall see that you are having an emotional reaction and not a logical one?  Downvote if I am wrong.


FOUR YEARS holy shit. you two should really sit down and talk about this. especially since you've been together for a long time.


no, thats why its called a donation. Ive donated coins to people in the past. Thats the point of the currency, to be traded however we want. To prove a point, send me your wallet address and i will send u 0.5 coins.


Ah, Mary Jane Watson.


Just a heads up, it's "whoever," for future reference.


Aaaaand I just saw the pun....


you are quite the troll.


No, It's Mississippi I'm pretty sure most people agree with him.


"stronger than all of the guys on here" FTFY

dont think there's a single person in here who could bench 300 for reps in these comments.., not even 1 rep max. probably not even over 150 actually.


> HAHAH YOUR PLAN MEANS NOTHING TO ME AS GEICO DOESN'T EXIST IN MY COUNTRY!!!

WELL THEN IT SUCKS THAT YOU CAN'T SAVE 15% ON YOUR CAR INSURANCE!


aye, but it's still an abbreviation. just sayin, england's english and i'm still following the rules.


You bought stuff from them with screws missing?

Or did yours go missing after you tried to assemble the item?


>Gengar, please be a fat and mischievous purple ghost.
FTFY


To be fair, I was born in 1995, so his career was already underway. I can't really say because I've never been alive without his career affecting it.


dafuq, ppl on reddit kno what this is??


Language lesson time!

Finite essentially means to have a limit. the "in" prefix of *in*finite, means not, meaning not-finite, so without limits. The "de" prefix of *de*finite means of, so specifically of/from whatever you're talking about. The definite thing is limited to exactly what you are talking about!

Words are fun.


And you sound like someone who makes less money than I do.


Why wait until you are going to die, I do this every day!


OP, http://google.com/search?q=how+to+tie+a+noose


"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read." -Mitch Hedberg


It's hilarious how reddit loves misogyny, racism, ableism and fat-shaming, but when it comes to perverts and pedophiles they draw the line.