He was getting his bachelor's.


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Thats a bold strategey


By making a weak ass attempt at arresting the wrong person.


"Well, we were going to wait until after the game to announce it but... We are having a relationship..."


So what? You aren't going to do any lasting damage, even if the toddler gets poked in the eye.


I'll take "Things Lucky Yates has heard before." for 600.


Bullshit. No woman like that is going to volunteer to get smashed in the face with a basketball.


Very relevant username.


Being a troll is fucking stupid.


Lydia from Skyrim would be hell


start using google chrome or fire fox so they can spell check your words, idiot.


Can't wait for Adam Johnson's


Err... Either your language skills are pretty poor... Or you lack some pretty fundamental knowledge of how electricity works... Electricity does not work like your water hose of the garden variety so no, there's no build up like that. Also, as everyone working with lethal stuff like electricity, you know not to make assumptions about things so no, even if it did, it would still not be an issue...


No. It's America's fault.


Why all the downvotes? Are IAMA_Ghost_Boo and I really the only two people tired of the "came here for this" posts? If that's what you came here for, upvote the comment; that is what they are for.


I remember being in church when I was 7 or maybe 8, and opening my eyes and looking around when everyone was praying, and thinking, "They all know this is made up, right?" But I love my mom, if that helps!


How would I go about finding non-stock borders other than investing my own time into creating them? I don't exactly have the time to go drafting designs and whittling away at borders. The border I used in the picture was an opensource set I installed separate from GIMP, and I'm not exactly well versed in what *borders* are to be taken seriously or not. :P


That's it for me guys, see ya later


Yeah, we should make a nice separate but equal section of reddit to put all the atheists in, so they can't inconvenience the rest of us by reminding us they exist.

God bless you.


I always think beetles looks wrong because I see it written Beatles so often


lol just saw it.
But the quality just isn't the same as the ones that are hitting the frontpage.


Bob Wehadababyitsaboy?


Hot picture of Megan Fox holding an iPhone with a Ron Paul t-shirt: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0 !!!

Edit: Really?


Massless particles set up unrealistic expectations for men and women around the globe, and I hate seeing these standards constantly being emphasized and adored by the media. If I want to be size 10 AMU, I think I should be allowed to be, without being judged.


The ignorance! It burns!


Okay, I admit it... this made me laugh.


Yay! I gets da karma... it was totally unintentional too! I thought I'd get downvoted!


I'm probably not as experienced as her but I would recommend the whole thing.


Someone has been very merciless to all the posts in this thread.


Yes, this is how gingers are conceived.  No orgasm, no soul.


That's interesting. Einstein has become more of an adjective than a name.

EDIT: It has been written to me that this is more of a common noun. I get it, I'm not perfect, Einstein.


>a declaration of an intention or determination to inflict punishment, injury, etc., in retaliation for, or conditionally upon, some action or course; menace

You will stop talking now. Or continue on, it's clear you may make a further ass of yourself.


I'm all for kids being involved in shooting, but that's a flat out violation of the basic rules...


I know this isn't a popular oppinion, but it kind of is their fault (partly at least). They didn't have to sign with a shady org like MYM

edit: binary thinking at it's finest... I don't think MYM has any less fault only cause I think the players should not have signed the contract. I swear I say something slightly outside of the circlejerk and get called the biggest douchebag ever.


Awkward.  Have you tried hentai?  Almost no standards.  But that also comes with no realism.


That's fucking gross man, and you might be a homo that is into muscular guys.


Cut the shit Brent, we know it's you.


Why would it be paddy? It's Patrick not padrick


"HEY YOU GOT A BUN IN THE OVEN OR IS THAT A SPARE TIRE AROUND YOUR WAIST."


Bullshit. Prove it.

Edit: Nobody has provided me with a scholarly source. Also, I am trolling you.


The entire world is covered in water... no land... Why is everyone constantly so dirty? Where'd all that dirt come from?


RIP (-:

Edit: Why the downvotes? I am simply saying RIP (-:


"Pants down. Dick Up. That's the way I hit that truck!"


Uh, no? It's previous to Breaking Bad. The very beginning of the show was a connector to the previous events of Breaking Bad.


That's 3 more than me.


Seriously. Jews and Niggers like you everywhere. GTFO troll.


And don't forget the loud, audible beeping sounds with overzealous UI animations. Ugh I need to lie down.


is it sad that we can guess the game because of the loading screen?


But she aint messin with no broke niggas.


DAE think republicans are literally Hitler? Le upboats to the left.


I once came too fast and told the girl 'looks like team rocket is blasting of again.'


That IS half, you fuck.


Great, now my taint is depressed. God damnit.


I used to drag peoples spines up and down sharp stone edges too but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Billy - "What's happening Mrs. Daniels? I'm scared!"

Mrs. Daniels - "Americans are dying Billy, lots and lots of bodies are burning to death & America is losing to the terrorists. Now grab your blanket, it's nap time!"


I love how he *always* called him Walter... up until his last breath.


Close enough, Rob. Close enough.


Tough crowd!

And I was so looking forward to some foreplay.

[Louis CK - Suck a Bag of Dicks](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLNQxlQZfv4)

Nice pathetic (+7 atm) desperation r/askreddit.

>Come_Along_Pond

>1 link karma

>2 comment karma

>redditor for 2 months


The only reason I know this exists is because I keep hearing about India wanting it banned.


How else would we know the chef is gay?


Yep, I realized that after I got dumped last week and now this.


I eat fish. Should the spca be called on me?


Wow, those judges are giant pieces of shit. Except Simon.


Too long ago, sorry can't prove.


Sure, when Keanu Reeves is introverted he's kind and shy.  When I'm introverted I'm creepy and no one wants to talk to me.  Balls.


That phrase made me go into a laughing attack.


and this is why they teach sex ed in the 4th grade now...


OP IS A FAG

EDIT: fucking reddit. Only fucktards like you would downvote the most universal fact. This shit would never happen on 4chan.


That's both hilarious and adorable.


If she was 500 lbs, he should be divorcing her, not defending her.


Chad here.  I try my damnedest to not be an asshole.


You're disturbed, disgusting and I pray you never procreate. Fuck you.


The leader of the free world drinking driving and shooting something with his big dick out is so American they should have retired the presidency after him and henceforth called everyone else a prime minister.


LOL!1111!!! FUNNY STUFF RACIST ASSHOLE


Silverstone! How high are you?!


No, virgins need to be told that. Sorri m9


If she didn't wish to be called a cheater, she probably should not have cheated.


He's an asshole that saw a way to make $5000 without hurting anyone?

Oh wait, he's an asshole because he helped contribute to the deterioration of a VIDEO GAME ECONOMY. lol.


>*Your mom sounds like a very bitch person*

FTFY?


tidder no yas ot gnihtemos fo eciohc gnitseretni na s'taht lleW


His friend is two thousand and late.


You mean like you harassing our modmail?


What if your consciously thinking "oh shit she likes this, wait what exactly was i doing?" annnnd YOU BLEW IT


Laura was killed... Maybe you should re-read the story


Ummm. Thanks?

Edit: lots of comments on my username.  I left an explanation in another comment under this.

Tl:dr not a crossdresser. I am just a Korean woman.  I used to be an American man. I moved to South Korea to transform myself into a Korean woman.(Username was made before the move without much thought)


>Shoddy

Are you in elementary school? You can't say shitty?


He...*threw* his cat?  Did the SPCA get involved?


So. Many. Downvotes. Doctors Without Borders now owe you money. They may just have to become Doctors With Borders.


Having a group of people awkwardly sing "happy birthday" while staring at you is also an uncomfortable experience.


Motherfucker I still don't like it. Regardless of how many mouthfull of Kendrick dick explanations you or anyone provides.


Or when you had a cassette walkman and the music would slow down because the batteries were dying.


Ah, so begins the infamous Reddit cyberbullying.


... I *inject people with lethal chemicals as the ultimate executor of capital punishment sentences on behalf of the state*, if you know what I mean...


One of my favorite things about working in the fields is you get a close up look at all the crops growing. I seen some bomb purple grapes and white grapes, almonds, giant seeded grapes, red peaches, yellow peaches, nectarines, plums, corn, and there's a lot more!!

------------------

Now hop on over to **FunnyJunk** and join in all the fun!


The only line your mom had in her movie debut.


Sorry to disappoint you, but *Talking like, This* doesn't have anything to do with English being his first language or not. Hell, I'm not a native speaker either.


Teach her vim op, get that efficiency up.


I'm not high just REALLY dumb.


..... Now I just feel bad. Downvote revoked.


Thanks! The alien was made with Mudbox, the scene was composed and rendered with Cinema 4D, and I used Photoshop for post.


Feminists don't want men to live and they control the social support system so men are sadly left out and forced to kill themselves.

**Thanks for the gold. I see someone sees the light and enjoys the fact that their penis is perfectly natural and isn't the devils horn that feminists would like everyone to believe.

***I actually can't believe I got gold for this comment lol


New life goal: take a shit.

**EDIT:** HOLY SHIT, THAT'S A LOT OF UPVOTES.


haha this. I found it, and immediately knew what it was


He makes great pies...If ya know what I mean


Why is this good? Focus needs to be on one product, not two.


I've got this crazy new idea to improve shaving razors but I'm waiting for the right time.


That's entirely possible, but it's not "misandry".


When you're a professional athlete, isn't every car you drive a sports car?


HAHA YOU MADE A JOKE ABOUT SOMEONE DOING SOMETHING SCARY HAVING BALLS TOO BIG TO FIT IN THEIR CLOTHING, EQUIPMENT, VEHICLE, OR WHATEVER NEARBY OBJECT.

YOU ARE THE MOST ORIGINAL PERSON EVER!'

edit: silly me, forgetting how redditors love banal, overdone "jokes". That horse has been reduced to dust, it's been beaten so much.


Big ups for being the first reply I read that actually fit the submission.


All I need is 1 to downvote your ass. But I won't. I could though, it wouldn't be too difficult, just sayin'.

**I'm surprised that even though the downvotes are raining like fire, my comment karma is still going up ever so slightly. Keep 'em coming!!


That seems like something he would do


Hey did you see that, oh you didn't see anything, exactly that's how many fuck s I give.


"A swimming pool full of diamonds."

'Ok, but would you survive a high dive into it?'

"Yes. Yes I would."

'Ok then. Here you are.'


She didn't ask for CC.


Yes. My brother told me that we used to have another brother but the potty ate him.


You are right. Works for everyone else though.


**S H U T T E R I S L A N D**


Hate all you want. Like someone said below. I'm bathing in this honey karma nectar<3.


"Huh, you're right. I think I'm going to give the position to that passed out hobo in front of the building. Thanks for your time."


I used to chuckle about statutory rape like a sick pedo fuck, like you, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


Yea the huff post usually isn't the best source of information.


actually i am getting a ton of upvotes from the people who care more about torture then correct Reddit etiquette.


First I would go the pharmacy and get Adderall to keep me awake.  Then I would get a motorized cart and use that to go back to the pharmacy to get more Adderall for...my friend.


Context: Your mother likes black cock up her arse.


Same. I'll penetrate them with my 1 inch punisher.


I used to be incarcerated for baby shaking, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


I got beaten - had broken ribs, cracked skull from being hit on the head, glass smashed on my leg. Was kept in chains for 2 years, handcuffed & blindfolded for a year. Mock executions - all good stuff


Please no cussing. Makes you sound like an immature 2 year old.


This made me surprisingly sad.  It's like an excerpt from a Palahniuk story.


Super pissed at the world or the guy? Take some responsibility for your own orgasm your fucking cunt.


As an American currently dressed as an Asian cowboy, I can confirm.

Nii HAOWDY!


Am I the only one here who wants to comment on how big of an outstanding individual the pizza guy was in this situation?


I was so expecting the "HAHA you so funny - NO"  Asian gif....

EDIT:  Really guys?  Downvotes for mentioning the gif that's more relevant to what Jeb said?


I racially identify as an attack helicopter.

EDIT: I trade dank memes for gold.


Also, he's an attention whore with a confirmed miniature penis disorder.


Stop telling guys that you feel bad due to your period.

Explain that you're cranky because the inside layer of one of your major organs is tearing itself off and coming out your vagina in bloody chunks.


so as a follow up, what's it like being a faggot?


Thats wasnt a party, it was a Gathering.


Are you gay? If my girlfriend had her head on my crotch I'd start to unzip.


Or we could get 5 people WITH STDs.
Put them in a room together.
4 of them are instantly cured.


oh fuck off.  I'm so sick of swallowing high and mighty bullshit.  You can't RISE ABOVE all day every day.  Sometimes when people are being dicks, you should be allowed to call them dicks.


honest answer: i dont really feel connected to any kind of community. i dont mean any disrespect, but i dont think i've ever really felt a part of any group.... i always, and sometimes still do, loathe that i've never really had any connection in my passions with others... but, perhaps maybe that was the disconnect i needed to do the things i do?


Like I said, there are individual CHRISTIANS who have made great accomplishments but CHRISTIANITY in general is holding humanity back.  Atheism allowed these scientists to incorporate ideas which would have been viewed by some as heretical to accomplish something truly amazing.


want some advice? stop thinking of women as sex objects. i used to be like you but then i discovered /r/nofap and now I'm getting dates left and right

edit: lol @ white knights downvoting this. u jelly?


The no real connection with other white people is interesting.  I remember  living in Japan, it was like any time I met another white person we instantly had something in common.  Same goes with Westerners in general I guess, it was always "You're not from Japan? I'm not either!  Let's grab a drink somewhere."


That...is a fantastically true observation. Not sure what I was thinking lol what was this called.

Edit: I found how to rub you guys the wrong way ;) trollololololololol


"I dare you to suck my dick."


I agree, that's the one part I don't like about this. And le bad drawing.


The male voice that kept popping in was getting real existential.

"Our highbeams selectively exclude other dirvers"

"HOW FAR IS FAR?  WHAT IS TRUTH?  IS THERE A GOD?"

edit: I remembered what it reminded me of: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybZ9PVcf6X8

edit 2:  Thank you for the gold.  I guess there is a Gad after all.


I am sorry, officer, I was lied to! http://i.imgur.com/QrHqBDR.gifv


Upvote this post if you are sexually incompetent.


I'm sorry I can't get it, that world was deleted.
Once again, Sorry


"Didn't scan, huh? Guess it's free!"

ETA: Amusingly, if you make a comment like this, you tend to get a million and one identical or extremely similar joke replies. There's some pretty heavy humor in there, but it's not what was intended.


I dare you to go punch him. I dare you to go up to Reigns, announce your intention to punch him, and then punch him.

"punchability"


Because he's pint-sized?

Edit: First gold comment! Made my morning.


Look at all you little downvoting cunts. LOLOLOLOL

Butt hurt faggots.


They look like... They really look like they have pretty hairs on their head. And they look pretty.


LoL!!! No OnE cARes uR jUS dOin dAT fOR kArma!!!

 #karmawhore


you don't have much experience with european gypsies, do you?

Touch one, and they spawn cousins all around you like an RPG boss.


Thank you for pointing that out. would you like a gold star or upvote?

Whoa!!
113 downvotes. hehe.. thanks guys.


Honestly we're probably not that much more secretive, it's just not as difficult to clean up for girls and it's easier to just pull your hand out of your pants instead of shoving a hard dick in there when someone knocks on the door.


Do Americans not use the word "spat"? Spit sounds so fucking retarded in all of these sentences but it seems common place.


Where the hell did you get that from. I want more.


Its why you avoid these places.

"Biker Bar" has just become synonymous with "asshole gathering area".

Not to mention these " bikers" probably have some lame ass Harley Davidsons that is cleaned more often than ridden. Good ol shitty bikes with posers on top.

EDIT 1: Downvotes? Ok, that's cool. Downvote me for my view on biker bars.


I worked with a guy who sounds like your son.

Took him forever to become an electrician.  Incredibly frustrating to work with on any complicated task.

He has an amazingly hot girlfriend, more friends call him in a day than call me in a month, and while he is basically skating by on looks, charm, and easy-going attitude, he's doing a damn good job of it.


>I've only known a couple trannies in real life, but none of them even knew what cis meant.

>Then they turn right around and say that cis people are scum

...


Fucking Lannisters...


OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?

I FUCKING HATE YOU.


Good guy killz 50 hired goons. Suddenly gets all moralistic when faceing head bad guy. No i will not kill him as i am better than that. You just murdered 50 guys who where probably just hired ex army lads. They might not even have know who they where working for.


I mean...your subreddit is literally about HATING a group of people.

I guess you don't advocate killing them, so you've got that going for you.


Didn't scan, huh? Guess I get to fuck your mother.


That would be the first floor... well, everywhere that numbers their floors sensibly, with ground ON THE GROUND and then first being the one above that.


Post this at /r/WilliamShatner. He's a regular poster there and he might find this funny.


Well excuse me for being ignorant about the cast of a television show. I simply assumed she was just some model.


If by "action", you mean "the puss", I'd say that is not for public consumption, either literally or figuratively. The rumors that my moustache has a burgeoning career in Japanese porn are almost entirely unfounded. As far as I know.


Yea, I should probably call your mother some derogatory names, then you'll appreciate it more I guess you fag.


Seriously my boner for glass ceilings and degradation porn is getting out of control


Cy&H always succeeds in making me meh.


much more context but summed up

was dating this chick, she had a kid (14months)

baby came back from his dads scared bruised cut bleeding

told her if it happened again i would report. it did.

i reported. she was investigated.

~~it was never my place to care~~


I somehow read this as "please get the fuck off of reddit"


Yes, we call that "freedom of speech".


SRS is so easily overwhelmed.


The cake...was a lie?


u seem to know ur shit, this must mean a lot coming from a 14 year old


Or you know, just fuck the haters.


They are dumb asses. Theists don't deserve to have happy lives anyway their basically animals.


MMM MMMMM MHhhMMM MM Hmmm Fmmmm


3am..

Robben: 'Hi Pep, it's Arjen, sorry to disturb but, i just, I just can't fucking get it up!?! I'm stuck with this girl and ...'

Pep: 'Don't worry Arjen, I know it's late but i've got you covered.'

Robben: 'Do you got those growth pills you gave Messi!?'

Pep: 'Yes, yes I do. I'll have Andres and Xavi bring them over and assist you. All the best x.'


Also a lot less teen moms


Honestly, I know that comment is a joke but it was not Zepoll's place to intervene. Domestic disputes should be settled within the household - I don't need the problems of other people spilling into my day.


I... I thought we had something special


Hate the Holocaust, love the nazis.


you... you just said that to bill nye bro


your an idiot

try debating with skill and LOGIC not spelling and STUPIDITY


Who says I'm going to let my memedom die? I plan on being the College Freshman until .... I die.


They're not attacking her religion, they're just pointing out the truth about her "God" she somehow still has faith in.


Hah, I used to fantasize about this scenario when I was younger but now that I "have it made" I don't want to lose what I have. This would be the equivalent of having my son die and having no one to talk about it with. No one would believe me and think I'm crazy.


It's a fair qustion, lay off. Respect is a given, but it is interesting how she thanks god, yet he left her community for dead.

Can you name another time and place?


ahhh yes! the letters and emails! I once received a birthday card stating: "even if we don't like your choices, we still love you."


FAP...dude, what? I had to.


That link is staying blue.


lol yeah! oh wait....fox news still has more viewers than any other news station... quality always wins, faggots.


We did that in middle school all the time. On our Razrs. Thought we were incredibly cool.

EDIT: Yes, pedants, I do mean *67.


Oh look, a Muslim pulling the race card! Now this is new and original.

Eat sand, pig-fucker.


I especially like their new band member.


Why would you do this?  - Asian GILF fetish?


it is done thankfully.... my only thing is, i hope it doesnt subtract too much from the orioginal.... i had to make it in such a way that the track could be at least "reproduced" in a live-ish fashion... since its for a "live PA" type show... so... of course theres the odd track mixed in that gives it a little help, but im happy with it!


You mean fat bandit brain?


When driving through Texas, I stopped at a MacDonalds and the sinks in the bathroom were shaped like Texas. That cracked me up.

Dallas is a beautiful city though.


This comment is pure genius.


Hah, I'm kinda surprised I'm the first as well. Thanks for responding, I'm still trying to convince myself it's just a really convincing prosthetic. Have a good night choking giraffes or whatever people with moose dongs do.


okay but 15 year olds are more successful than you too...


Were your photos 200lbs ago?


Many people (including me) are going to downvote you, just because you are complaining about losing imaginary internet points.


I can't tell you how many nights I end up spooning him AND holding his iPad so he can fall asleep to TNG


You know what, fuck you and fuck your embargoes. We're fine, really, regardless of how "enlightening" posts on a shitty news aggregate website might suggest --- do us a favor, don't lift the sanctions and embargoes. Do nothing to us. Leave us alone. Iran is better off without the stench of the White Man.


You wouldn't believe so, but quite well actually.


Pro-tip: Enjoy your American History and basic Algebra classes now. Soon you'll find yourself begging for a quiz on 3 chapters little man.


Gotta wonder how freaky 4 of them were that he went back for seconds.


>I can't stand vaginas. They look like axe wounds and smell awful.

How old are you taking about? Do you think its the same the disgusting vagina of a 20 year old and the smooth hairless cunny of a 7 yo? You cant generalize, there is no comparison possible between the vagina of a pre-teen and one of a woman.


Are you that guy from every teen movie ever made?


Yeah fat bitches immediately turn me off, so im glad that dream is over.


I do the same thing except I put it in her vagina. 100% of the time it leads to sex.


This!
Edit: Wow people are dicks all I wanted to know was if he replied to it and wanted to ask this question.


*"I HAVE TO POOP"*

...

*"SERIOUSLY, DAD :("*

...

*"NEVER MIND :)"*


Being gay is not a choice.


There's also a horn with finite surface area but infinite volume.  It's called a vuvuzela.


Then the easy solution is to stop offending them. These attacks will continue, and should continue, until the world starts to embrace Islam.


Congratulations, you are an episode of House.


haha murder, so funny, haa haa haa


TIL Winnie the Pooh is a filthy corporate privateer exploiting the workforce.


What is the obsession with dipping cookies in milk?


I would reply back by going at it like crazy and then stopping immediately at 10:00 pm.


Actuall you and Donald stole this from an earlier Friends episode. It is so obvious from the moment I saw "your" version.

Prehaps you should get off reddit and come up with original work?

I stopped reading The Onion years ago. It is not that funny once someone is over 12 or better informed in real "news."


I'll give you a true GGG Axel Rose story.

....wait, no I won't.


using the kids as a scapegoat. Good thing he's deaf and cant hear his wife bitch about it.


Just checked WebMd, you probably have knee cancer.


Well I'm 12 and can you be my papa now?


I didn't know humans were so mean. :(


lmao upvote for you good sir XD btw i love your username im a girl gamer (but im not a fat nerd or anything likemost gamers) and i love geeks i think the glasses look is cool \^__^

**edit wtf is up with the downvotes**


Honestly though, a guy ditching you because you're confident? I'd say you dodged a serious bullet there.


I apologize. I clearly had the wrong impression of IBS.


The housing is really, really cheap.


You don't understand football at all, get out of r/nfl, moron.


I don't know man, I've heard they're vicious and horrible with kids.

I've done a bit of research and 0/10 would not recommend a jaguar.


Just commenting to ride this one to the top


I just got a PM from a young lady asking to go on a date.... I found that to be very blunt and ballsy


What did he think was gonna happen when he started using the strategy of playing dead when his owner got home in order to avoid punishment for not learning to obey?


You're thinking of /u/Warfries.

    edit: Thanks for the Wargold. Victory shall be mine.


That.

Has.

NEVER

been the joke!!


To an 8 year old who had just finished the book, the movie actually made me cry with how shit it was.


dude take your kanye rant somewhere else. I could care less


You know what, we need to get it taken down. Could someone send me the link? You know, so I know which one to not go on.


And he didn't begin as Executive Producer, or any kind of a producer at all.


It took me a minute to figure out that you meant "pet" where the word "pretty" is.  Seemed super creepy for a minute.

Edit: holy shit, this is, by far, my most upvoted comment of all time.  Thanks, folks.


oh come on, more downvotes pls cunts


They don't have to prove it was.

[Asset Forfiture](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asset_forfeiture)


I used to thank people, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I can't tie my shoes but I can fuck your bitch.

*Thug Life*


Thanks. I'm new to reddit despite being on it for a year. Just getting to the grips with things


Pens, pencils and brushes have always been more powerful than guns and swords.


Oh, drop the *shithead* crap. No one ever really cared. It wasn't a very funny or interesting bet to make, and your followthrough stopped being interesting about thirty seconds after you lost it. Now your silly little persistent sig seems to be more of a sad attempt at reddit semi-stardom (which, unfortunately, seems to have worked).


Well that Elevated quickly.


I would never pull an illegal U-Turn. I come to complete stops behind the stop bar for red lights and stop signs and always drive several miles per hour under the speed limit. IF YOU WANT TO LIVE IN A SOCIETY YOU HAVE TO OBEY THE RULES.


Sure they do. We were taught that enmity with the world was the goal. They would be profoundly disturbed if the world embraced their message.


WHO gives a shit? Christ you grammar nazi's are fucking unbearable. This is a WEBSITE, not a fucking thesis.


With more fat on your body, you lose the definition that makes you distinct and unique. There are many different kinds of triangles, but a circle has only one shape.


Lol.  You're too cute.


Did he respond with, "DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR SISTER THAT WAY!"


You probably should not be on reddit in class either way. WTF with that.


Achievement unlocked: Oblivious

Misunderstand every potential sexual encounter as platonic.


does it matter? Not the USA, obviously.


Siamese twin here. May be difficult to pull off.


I wouldn't say it's classy. There's a lot of nasty stuff that happens during and between play.


Ya same I feel burnt out. Before I used to play jax normals all day and grief famous people and old rioters. Now all I do is play with these na lcs people really weird honestly... it's like I'm playing professional league or something..


So, you think not having a child is an accomplishment?


I always say this. Just go in to the break room at any job and see what a disgusting mess it is. Now imagine a whole city where there more people and it's easier to get away with being a slob. Now look down you street and see that there isn't just a landfill covering the sidewalks.


wait are you saying theres people who give enough of a shit about karma that they delete any of their comments that are losing it

what the fuck


Obviously a fake but relevant, thanks. Here's the real deal:
[http://i.imgur.com/Xdoqd.png](http://i.imgur.com/Xdoqd.png)

Edit: Higher Res image


GOD DAMNIT I came here just to do exactly that and you're not stopping me....wait...fuck....can't think a funny joker joke now....I guess the jokes on me!


Misleading statistic alert! Cost of living highly variable!


Is this where the karma train is? My apologies I only know how to comment on circlejerk.
**EDIT:** CHOO CHOO


Thanks for not ignoring it because it wasn't an imgur link.


Fuck you bitch. I do what I want on my channel.


Fuck, I can't even imagine how much shit a police officer could get in for doing that today.


Go crawl back into your hole, butthurt feminist.

EDIT: This has gotta be a new record.
I can't believe how mad so many of you kids got at this. Thanks for the laugh.


Right now, I kinda really want to go to Cuba. Before it gets Westernized. I would want to go to Cuba very quickly.


And he might end up with her, after she's been run through by a solid dozen other dudes, none of whom remember her name and two of whom knocked her up.

She'll need a good provider to take care of her thug spawn.

I don't feel pity; he's an idiot who deserves his fate.


That happened to a girl I knew. My buddies sister that was in college at the time helped her in the bathroom put her in the shower and gave her clothes. The rest of us acted like it never happened. Except we put a post-it note in her purse that said,

 "everyone knows you shit your pants."


Wow that really got to u. Not surprised sugar tits.


Trying his Kanye Best.


It's a new skin for Nidalee with Xin's face on it. Warring kingdoms Nidalee. Like go out of your cave, see the world and new skins. How can you not know about it.


Fuck off kid. I'm here to pick up chicks.

Edit: Christ, my biggest posting is on a throw away account.  I'm actually not 60 yet, just closing in on it.


What cause? I wasn’t aware SRS had a *cause* other than laughing at you redditors, feeding off your hate.


All of this is irrelevant.  One of the very many millions of dirty secrets in the restaurant industry is this:

American Black people tip shit.

Source:  waitress for 10 years at 4 places-- a gastro pub, a bennigans/perkins/IHOP type place, and two high end dining (entrees $40+) in NYC and Chicago.

Also, I'm black.


Haha lets post this on any random video because it's a stark contrast joke hahaha so funny instant upvotes.

NO. Shut the fuck up. Die.


And partying with your friends drinking whisky at the honky-tonk bar on Friday night after a long week of work. Why no quiet Friday nights watching netflix?


Probly a fellow cheater if she thinks it's a fail.


"people tell me I'm white and I believe them because I care about gluten"

-Stephen Colbert


This girl doesnt want any more attention on this. Please delete this. Out of respect for her.


> they ask the horses to do this

*Excuse me Mr. Horse*


I used to not get it like you... but then I took an arrow to the knee!


probably the only way to keep the girl from running away

*click

Girl: "What is that?"

Guy: "A landmine, if you take your foot off now you will explode into pieces! Now let me explain the situation...".


You think LeBron would last a whole game?   Can you say cramps or something?


Ok I'll will post a pic of the back tht has no writing on it


I think there's a third option.  She was really new at the job, which is what I think it was.


That was really a pretty shitty thing to do.


100 duck sized horses for sure. I'd get a golf club and some steel-toes.

A horse sized duck is utterly terrifying....that's just plain fowl.


For some reason garlic bread was what I wanted most


Well, he's had it even since he got to the bathroom, and it won't be gone when he gets out of the bathroom. Very frustrating for him.


Now I have a full-on justice boner


Came here to say this

edit: god damn I got downvoted into oblivion. That's kinda funny. I had no clue it was so frowned upon lol


That's disgusting and ingenious.


There is NO WAY he drew that whole thing while talking to one customer.  Im calling you out OP you lying sack of shit.

also, have fun being a telemarketer the lowest most universally hated job out there. idiot.  i would never believe a word a sack of shit telemarketer has to say.


2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner formulas.


newfags can't triforce!

  ▲
▲ ▲


Well, the massive anti-terror bill is clearly designed to distract you from the maple syrup conspiracy.

Edit: Gold? Nice try, Canada. No amount of gold can buy my silence!


Context is Alkaizer. You would have known if you ever saw one of his previous achievements, which definitely aren't unknown among D3 players.


"Hollywood Upstairs Medical College"


Yep he is a hero. I would only marry someone with teen daughter(s).


I first stuck it in crazy. Then I found new crazy to stick it in. Then I found another new crazy, but this one was less crazy than the others. I fell for this crazy and dated her for three years. Then she dumped me. Now I realize that none of them were really that crazy, and it was me who was crazy the whoooole time.


Me? No, I've never been assaulted. But many women have, and they have a right to feel safe. Many women are sexually assaulted and sometimes raped in bars.


http://imgur.com/hJVxK

[The curiosity watercolours, if you're interested](http://redd.it/xq555)

PS. http://imgur.com/9vNeb

Edit2: done! http://i.imgur.com/cqfQbHG.jpg


Large labia? Dude her shit is beat the fuck up. Kill yourself you tumblr idiot


Some day I will find the edge and press my nipples against it


Like if you agree with this comment.


She was probably too busy with a phone conversation about the dangers of gluten.


Came here to say that.   :/


Question for oops_shart:  "What kind of life do you have if a top thrill is to be asked a question by me?"
j/k oops.  j/k


You're the one acting like a five year old crying about not getting a toy he wants.

So [insert overused, retarded meme here] can't do an AMA, who fucking cares.


"Lol mom i got me a swastika tattoo! Pretty cool huh?"

"Fucking shit billy..."


> Jesus Christ. I can't imagine. How are you doing today?

I'd imagine pretty well, considering he was uninjured and it happened 14 years ago.


I am a very big fan of Conan,  so I am tickled anytime I get to go play with him and his gang. An incredibly funny chap named Brian Stack, who has been writing for Conan for about 15 years, thought up the idea, and he makes it happen. Just happy to do my part.


anything to keep a constant flow of libtard content, good job.


So in other words, cheap alcohol gives you worse hangovers because you can buy more of it.


Upvoted for greatest reference made on reddit.


2011 Draft

10th Pick to SAC: Fredette

11th Pick to GSW: Thompson


Give me some top post comment karma.


Lockheed don't give a fuck about energy companies.


No, I enjoy changing opinions mid-argument...


Jesus dude, you went 22 consecutive days without laughing?

Can i get you something? some soup maybe? the numbers of local mental health clinics? a blanket?


kill a ct and thinktheir gun is a glock? ok bud


Go to Engineering school and don't worry about getting laid at all!


It's really not that hard. Hell i've driven drunk, while texting. Just don't text when you have a car half a car length in front of you.


That'd be the wedding Singer.


He could be from any other part of the world than the Americas.


It's not premarital if you never get married.

LAWYERED


Shame him!  He's a 'hilarious and pathetic', 'mentality of a child', 'no experience with women', 'bitter little boy'!  Right on man!  Anything at all to say about the point he's making, or is ad-hominem the extent of your contribution?


I read this, and immediately got a knock on the door.

Shit myself.

Found myself eating pizza 2 minutes later.


why did you put "O_O" ??? are you like 4??? dont use gay fucking faces on the internet buddy maybe youll get some more pussy rofl

----br4nd0n


I think I just re-acquired my virginity watching that.


I would like one ticket to this karma train, please.


Mexican pornographer?


I also hear water is wet?


I don't know, it still seems to be more acceptable to do an exaggerated French or German accent than a Japanese or Indian one.

So it's actually making fun of *non-white* people who speak English as a second language.


I used to make it weird and enjoy it, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I imagine it being like ~~every~~ *the best* sci-fi action film bathroom... All nude, all showering, all joking around... ALL THE TIME...

edit: fine not every but the way it [should be (NSFW)](https://imgur.com/h82KP9x)


I'm sorry, but German sounds like "troll-speak" to me. Have you heard the German "Happy Birthday" song? There is nothing more terrifying.


Who are the drill people?


Sometimes I just fucking hate reddit. Then I read a comment like this, and I'm reminded why it's still worth it.


I was talking about my fiance who died of cancer last year.


They ninja their way into the house via a tiny tiny crack, or osmosis.

Wide open door or window and they can't find the way out!


What is the opposite of cake?


He'd drop the bottle first.


That's not misogyny its reality. Just like men are heavily frowned upon for hitting women. Guess why both of these are bad? Because it's easy for a girl to sleep around and it's easy for a guy to physically overpower a girl


Some people don't believe in the golden ants.


Cram it with walnuts ugly and go take a fly fuck at a rolling donut.


Like, stopping on a main road to let the person that doesn't have the right of way go? And especially not flashing their lights all the way up the road to know they're doing it? Then it takes longer to turn because you have to wait for that person to pass but then they stop?


Larry is brutally honest, that why I like him.


"Oh hai, I am 22 and just got off of the Greyhound from Iowa to be an actress.  I work at Starbucks.  This is my two bedroom apartment in SoHo."

Ummm, no it's not love.  Heh.

I worked as an editorial assistant on Park Avenue making somewhat okay money, and could only afford a good sized studio in Astoria when I lived in NYC.  Those scenes make me laugh every time.


sounds like something a fat chick would say


I would pronounce it "the rapey" and not understand when corrected.


>See what happens when everyone has been cheesing the raids for months?  The game starts cheesing back.

But this is a weekly nightfall not a raid.

Btw this isnt new. If you stay to farback in certian mission parts or strikes it will spawn big baddies on you.


They pulled out a couple of [these bad boys](http://bin.snmmd.nl/m/m1byrg7wn9f1.jpg) from the shed out back


How did everyone decide that THIS was the comment to upvote?


"SHOW US YER TITS, LUV!!!"


not really :/ i dnt think the heavy guy in team fortress was based on anyone in real life. its probably a good idea to downvote thsi post coz its kinda misleading. just sayin

**edit: im gettin downvotes coz redditors cant handle the truth coz they are nerds and want this to be real**


Dude and you had the nerve to add her on Facebook? The balls on this guy...


The problem is, I think its in the back of both of our minds that maybe he will change his mind.

But counselling is definitely something I would want to do. I just feel to young for counselling, you know?


http://www.livememe.com/s5kcc1t

Edit: Wooo! Victory edit!


Your username both confuses and offends me.


welcome aboard

http://i.imgur.com/riFLMzB.jpg


This doesn't take away the fact that all of the Patriots super bowl rings are tainted. The tuck rule,  spygate, and ball gate.


those boobs belong to Taylor Stevens. this was at staples center during the 2012 stanley cup finals against the LA kings. i believe she sat there as a distraction for the away team

Edit: [here](http://i.imgur.com/P6eMZpI.gif) she is behind the sharks coach, Todd Mclellan during another playoff series against the kings


You're the biggest idiot in this thread. I searched every possible avenue before I posted. I would have bet my life that it hadn't been posted before.


As far as I'm concerned she's a freaking money making genius. She knows Americans love to hate a vapid, ignorant, spoiled rich girl and she cashed in on that by playing the part and making herself rich in the process.

I wish I could just act like a complete idiot for a couple years and walk away set for life.


Shhh, peasants don't like being called out. Not everyone is blessed with the master race.


BACK TO BACK WORLD WAR CHAMPS!


Fuck that just e-mail him.  I don't get why people assume he doesn't get a FUCKLOAD of e-mails already.


That's ok. Lots of Canadians go on to live normal, productive, apologetic lives.


COME. IT IS SPELLED COME. SERIOUSLY.


Would you ever consider doing it independently, on YouTube or on its own site?


Ehh..had to downvote you and OP. It is shopped and otherwise off-topic. Reported to the and needs to "be" in another sub.

Divorce is ammoral and apperently this "young lady" was having sex outside of wedlock.


The invention of the whiteboard was truly remarkable


I don't get this. This is a message board where you discuss parts of a submission. He thought it was nice and he submitted a reply. It's like you are purposely trying to give reddit a new niche.


Well, you know, we're all curious. We all live in America, and we are all curious bout people, who they are, where they come from. I'm very private person, I keep that way, that's my choice. I am America, I keep that way. Thank you for asking that.


Damn! How do you guys find these? Do you just remember them?

This post was something I saw a friend post on Facebook. How the heck can I make sure I never waste anyone's time ever again?


^#TheKingIsDead

^#YOLO

^#WhenAmIGoingToBecomeAKing


> not an actual suggested alternate solution.

Ah, you overestimate Redditors; it could also easily be taken as a serious but douchey alternate solution.  The "Whoosh" comment only works when it was obviously and unambiguously a joke, which the original comment was not.


I think the secret is that no one with bad skin is posting.


> Yeah that ~~sucked~~ popped.

FTFY


Sucker, I could do the same and only be forty SIX.  IN YOUR FACE!


Hurt feelings, if you get hurt feelings on the internet you are losing. I was never implying that the internet is only for facts, because that is stupid and you are stupid too.


But they make up for it by being dogs.


Have lived in France close to one year now. I still can't pronounce simple words.


Hey having an altar in your house is useful. You can use it to restore your prayer points and you can sacrifice bones to it for exp.


Maybe because they're not poor like you.


Instruction unclear. Jizzed all over Gamestop.


See, this is partly why I dislike Hat Films, because they've apparently started a crazy cult that is sucking Cornerstone into its drama.


Thank you for fact checking


You just ruined it for everyone. :-)


Classic take on the ol' popcorn bucket trick.


> Maybe if the US had put a 10 camel bounty on bin laden's head, it wouldn't have **been necessary to fake his death.**

FTFY


I would never fight two of the greatest men who've ever lived. I'd fight whoever they told me to fight. I'm a soldier- they are the Generals.


Oh poor little boy. Whine whine whine. Consequences only appear after the act... so immature.


You never asked about fucking chickens in her house?

Edit: my confusion caused a grammatical fuck up. I don't think he's fucking her chickens. Goddammit.


I know I posted one myself yesterday!! And SubredditDrama got really mad about it!! Irony!!


"JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING ADDRESS!"


I read the comments and waiting for the meme to load on my phone was well worth it


Hey!!! Don't make fun of Vincent Adultman! He has to go work at the Business Factory tomorrow!!!


you are one stupid motherfucker


Very glad you survived it without contracting HIV. I survived it, but was not so lucky. Fortunately, I'm still here, but I feel your pain. Back in '89, I just kept my suit coat hanging on the hook on the back of my bedroom door because I was wearing it every week to attend someone's funeral. It was a horrible, frightening time.


You ave actually played the game to figure our what that looks like *facepalm*


YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN THAT


First comment in the thread to make me feel sad award. Really. Just... I don't know what to say. I'm not angry or aggravated or anything, just sad. The rest of the thread is just annoying, but you just reminded me of something I'm going through right now that's actually difficult. So congratulations, Stabby. You actually brought me down.


they all think they are better than everyone else because they have more money but the reality of the matter is that they are all morally corrupt and many of them inherited their money. They see themselves as the tit that society is sucking on when in reality they are the ones sucking the life out of everyone else. I strive to be different, at least I try.


"I have some bad news about Duke Nukem Forever..."

Awesome!


Step 2: Cancel Castle.
Step 3: Cancel Homeland.
Step 4: Generally destroy everybody's careers.
Step 5: Avoid Step 2.


So just make one by mining 8 cobble.

Edit: Sorry for suggesting something.


Don't you understand that because you're friends with someone they're obligated to have sex with you?


Oh thank you Mr. Information, I would have readily followed the gentleman's advise posted under the title "Literally kills people."

You eat shit.


"I fear not the man who has practiced 10000 notes once, but I fear the man who has practiced one note 10000 times." - Bruce Lee


boo fucking hoo.  grow a fucking pair of balls.  you are in America now. Go anywhere on the internet and listen to the shit they talk about us here.  I bet you have a slanted vagina too.


Or just anything in general.


Newsflash. Some people are assholes. If you don't want to expose yourself to asshole comments don't post pictures with you in them to a large public forum.


Meh, I'm not really sure that's huge nipples.


Downvote for degrading your body for being a stripper


I look like fucking poseidon and I love to pick out the right color.  When them bitches be like "sir, this is called mauve" I bust out my handy-dandy "naw bitch it's mauve *taupe*, get outta here while the pros do their shit"


A truly loving dad will leave if he cannot exist with the mother.  Any attempt to fight for the kid would result in him paying child support with no right to custody.  Our system fucking sucks.


In the newest iteration of GTA, they just kinda walk up, check vitals, and give up


....until the kid dies and everyone they know is dead.

...then they're both **really** dead.


Ah yes, quesadillas and Buffalo sauce. Classic outback bush tucker, just like the Aboriginals made.


Because pornstars have strict rules about using their real name?


Economists: Know the price of everything, the value of nothing


The article is clearly describing an introvert. Too introspective + prefers to be alone + shies away from group activity = a clear introvert.

The fact that you see no connection between the two is almost offensively idiotic.


Oh yeah, that's the map, "isolation", from Halo 3.


Hate the Jihad, love Osama.


he can dance if he wants to.  he can leave his friends behind.  cuz his friends don't dance and if they don't dance then they're no friends of mine. safety.


Most porn actors/actresses have near-perfect body build (that's mainly why they got that job), so your point is moot.

Wow, a LOT of insecurities below...


And half of Narnia are having adventures in him.


TIL everybody going through puberty has a 99.9th percentile IQ


I usually know that, but this photo was so powerful I fell for it. I'm sorry, I should have checked better before posting.


Been to Europe much? (I know it's a joke, but it isn't funny. You are probably not fun at parties. You are probably 'that guy who laughs at his own jokes way too hard')


Q: What's that spinning thing on top of a helicopter?

A: A fan. The moment the damn thing is turned off, the people inside start sweating.


It's not a misplay, it's exactly how maple intended it to be. Taiwanise midlaners have been trash for like 3 seasons straight.

Even at s2 worlds, people try to hype up Toyz when he was straight up carried by team.


But the real tragedy is that it was filmed vertically, right reddit?


That's a pretty modest proposal.


You think disliking racism and misogyny is indefensible? Are you by any chance the year 1950 ;)


Yes! They also crack clams on their tummy. I keep telling them "I'm from Albany - I like steamed *hams,* not steamed clams!"


That's because you're a whore not an actress :/


I really want this to become your most upvoted comment.

EDIT: We did it reddit.


It doesn't matter, you atheists always show your true colors no matter how hard you try to suppress them. What's a joke is most of you claim to be atheists, but you just do it online, stop being such god damn cowards and wear it your atheist badge with pride. I know a lot of people who like bumping into atheists.


Gosh...They shot part of "J. Edgar" near us and Chevy wandered over onto their set and pretended to be on the crew until Clint Eastwood noticed him.


I downvoted for saying "adorable".

EDIT: Alright, everyone shut up, I can't respond to you because apparently thinks I'll find my own comments offensive and makes me show the comment threshold thing, so I just won't respond to much anymore. If you feel you still wan't to get your point or shitty pun across to me feel free to PM!!!


just read this while working at a government agency.  Upvote for you


I don't get the whole "tipping" trend here. I go to a restaurant to buy food and not to pay extra for someone just to deliver my food. I know that restaurant's pay their waitress(es) shitty, but still.


Is it because you were born on February 29th?


his name is robert paulson

(edit: changed was to IS)

included potato  LINK for all you 12yr olds who do not get the reference
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCi_PIz5ekU


"It was like the guy had never seen something in 3D before, shesh..." Lol


White-knighting level = expert.


totally should have done it.  brojob never hurt anyone.


Could you actually be more salty? 8)


To be fair that doesn't even make sense to us in the present day.


They're human beings too.  I'm sure if their opportunities in life were a lot better they probably wouldn't be taking these risks.


Because the correct answer is always "your pussy". You can't lose.


Poor Toni, he never saw it coming.


That is awesome, thanks! "You're going down Homer, and then you're going back up again. That's how the game is played."


I am sorry your highness. :)


It was a big relief because I knew I had to prove this guy wrong.


Wait, I know what will fix this. FUCK YOU, YOU NIGGERFAGGOT PIECE OF SHIT ASS CAKE. There, is it obvious yet?


Good god, I have wasted my life.


Plenty of things have been better documented in history.


I can explain that, a fucking train crashed through the window.


ummm... the sweaty fat chicks and a bunch of guys standing around... offended?


It was undetermined according to Snopes.  So you and the other naysayers claims that this ISN'T related to mercury poisoning is just as valid as mine.


Hey that didn't stop Michael jackson


Muthafucka, stole my gag.

I was gonna put ' Already got it mate, and no fucker has scribbled on mine'

I'll up you anyway.


I once got an XL pizza for carryout. I made small talk with the guy at the pizza place so I just told him my girlfriend was waiting at home.

I guess the good thing about not having a girlfriend is that I didn't have to share my pizza, cause that shit was delicious.


Did this pretty average save contribute to that?


The indian gentlemen didn't even have a beard!


except that it's a retarded comment

>omg someone flashed their penis in a team photo, look I have a picture where you can see the outlines of this teams genitals


It was my first time experiencing this type of sickness. It was very bad because I experienced all the symptoms: vomiting, diarrhea, loss of appetite, headache, weakness, no sleeping. I had never experienced all of these things together and it was very painful.


Nerdy science jokes and an alternative, humorous apartment-style living situation.


Bane also punched through a wall with his bare hands. I think he could take it.

Plus everyone knows the batcave is made out of graham crackers.


Are you kidding? I threw up a little in my mouth.


So end by shitting all over the sofa?


> It's important to note that this was in response to
> being insulted by Richard Nixon.

Oh yeah... This is Reddit. Can't forget to whore some karma by making republicans look bad at EVERY imaginable opportunity even when it has no relevance.


That's kinda a win for the light bulb company. It's a form of quality control in a real world environment. That kinda data can be important for the people making them.


Oooh, the pretty, rich, white lady is crying. Now the tragedy of the situation has really hit me. Because, you know, the 100,000 dead brown people didn't already have that effect on me...


"I'm not high I'm just old"


A user that has been here forever and knows how to comment.


In order:  Stewart, Colbert, Maher, Fallon, Smiley, Maddow, Leno, O'Brien.  Of those, Colbert is by far the hardest interview.  Stewart is a distant second.  And everyone else is a distant third.


I'll break it down for you.

 - You'll think it's funny.

 - She won't.

 - In about 4 years something to do with anal will come up in a conversation for no reason.
 - She'll say "why don't you ask your coworker?"
 - You'll be confused because you won't remember.
 - She'll be in a mood for about a week.
 - About 4-5 nights in the couch.

The end.


How is it that these campers can afford to take the time off work? Oh, that's right: *everyone else* is paying for it.


They probably are, but they also want to have sex with you. You would still be friends, but you would also have sex.


I'm actually a straight male.


Some men just want to watch the world churn.


meh, he was that talented. Although his voice and large body gave him some uniqueness.

edit: I meant he has no talent at all, it's not like he ever made a movie worth watching *just* because of his performance.

edit2: -100 within first half hr. woo!


walking down a street in new york with my kids and it's warm but not hot outside and we already did a lot of stuff and we're just going home now and talking and looking at people and feeling the air and the sun is going down and it's peaceful yet buzzing with life and stories all around us.


Terroristic threats are the best way to get ones way.


Defecate on her coffee table, look her in the eyes and say 'abort that!'

Don't ask why. Just do it

Edit: the plus side there is that she wish she had followed through and you just did.


You assume it's a wife.  There are six states in the US, and several countries where it could be his husband, so this post is not as unrealistic as you'd think.  EDIT: BRING IT


That hit way too close to home.


shes ugly photoshopped girls r gross i prefer real women


Here he is doing it a third time against the broncos.

[ http://i.imgur.com/N16gGaC.gif]( http://i.imgur.com/N16gGaC.png)


*poorly* satirizes r/atheism


HA! I found all the people miss pronouncing Wi-Fi.


He wasn't just very brave. He was SO BRAVE.


The snyaptic vortex running through the cranium creates a pocket where the frontal lobe meets the I have no idea what im talking about.


You're still a piece of shit. Normal people don't do orgies, so something is obviously psychologically wrong with you and your "friends".


> They are arachnid, but are far closer to scorpions

oh, that makes me feel much better. thx


FUCK GABE he niggered down portal 2 into something for the casuals... i'm not a damned retard! give me massive puzzles. >_<;;;


As a pansexual blacksmith I can confirm every part of this.


first round loss to the blackhawks


Probably just goes to a local union pipe fitter.


Sorry, I meant this guy. He's pretty logical as well.

http://www.drspock.com/


Yeah, I was pretty impressed with myself after that one.


ヽ(゜∇゜)ノ Eeeeyyyy sexy laaaaaadyyyy

ヘ(￣ー￣ヘ) Op

(ノ￣ー￣)ノ Op

(〜￣▽￣)〜 Op

〜(￣△￣〜) Op

(☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ Oppan Gangnam Style


"Pizza...pizza is your greatest strength?"

"Yes. I rub it on my naked body and it fuels my muscles and allows me the strength I need to move mountains. Allow me to demonstrate with my interview pizza I brought with me."


pretty much every intelligent person that every existed is introverted like that.

way to waste a question, douchebag!


And they know exactly what they're doing.


Feg? Det är nog inte rätt ord. Hade det varit modigt att göra som alla vi andra och lägga skulden uteslutande på mördarna?

Edit: Folk verkar tro att jag håller med henne. Det gör jag verkligen inte, men det har inte ens med saken att göra. Jag är bara ute efter att man inte ska förvränga ords betydelse, i detta fall "feg". Det ligger absolut ingen värdering i det.


"I'm ugly and antisocial. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a Christmas to ruin."


>Men's rights are human rights.

the mens rights movement has nothing to do with mens rights


Achievement Unlocked: Fertile.  10g

Achievement Unlocked: Destroyer of Worlds.  20g


do you have a penis?? no? then what makes your stupid ass think it's ok to post here! go practice on a rake, slut


In your case, tag 'em and bag 'em.


Why?

Can someone explain to me why seeding is an important step?


God forgives Target don't


Poor kid, I would have changed seats. Even though the insinuation was pretty disgusting you acted rather douchey too.


They also asked whether everything floods when the snow melts in the spring... which is a totally legit question if you're assuming that a foot of snow = a foot of water.

Edit: yes, yes, thank you everyone, I do indeed know that things flood in spring when snow melts. But a volume of snow does not melt into an equal volume of water as this fellow assumed.


sorry i only have nonconsensual sex


You misspelled 'died.'


This made me throb......I know this move well. ....turns my vagina into fucking Niagara Falls


I really hope not. It was awesome, but not the best of reddit. Happens fairly often.


YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TALK TO SOMEONE AT MARVEL RIGHT NOW


    Fortunately

FTFY


Well, that fixed my [permanent erection problem](http://i.imgur.com/DVYYjeN.jpg) (NSFW)


A "show of force" never does anything. It's a way to make our military feel like they've accomplished something when they haven't. We did this sort of useless b.s. in Iraq all the time when no one had any productive ideas about what to do.


Last time my sister went to visit my grandparents she noted that my grandad bought a huge bag of dogfood. My grandparents do not have a dog. My grandad explained that dogfood was good emergency rations to have for when Obama let ISIS bomb us all.

My grandmother apparently has one helluva poker face.


Out of that whole sentence it was the word "Whore" that got you the up vote.


But it's scary looking.


No black people went to my school. Enrollment was performance-based in those days. C'mon, break out your fourth account on me! Hahahaha! You dumb, baby, you dumb. Like Meatwad, dumb. Word up.


ketchup for a birthday, no matter what colour, is tragic


She must be related to Jenny.


I DIED at that part. One of my friends thought it'd be hilarious if she turned into a floppy disk or some other outdated tech and Morgan ended it like "wtf are we supposed to do with this" while the lab rats are freaking out because they don't have a computer that'll read floppies anymore.


While the facts of how much he's made is true, I think you're just a dick for saying he ran it into the ground and that he is the scumbag.

The pay is excessive, I agree, but why are you really calling him a scumbag when the employees are STILL GETTING SEVERANCE PAY?  Call him a scumbag when he gets paid and the employees don't.


~ Michael Jackson, *The People of the State of California v. Michael Joseph Jackson*, 2005.


Nice burn! Do you write your own material?

Some people embrace anonymity to freely speak their mind and some just repeat shit they thought was cool. From here, the only difference between you and a cockatiel is that you can type.


Fucking British classrooms.


And maybe, no one will post. Probably no one will post.

Haha already wrong, someone posted.


Not with that attitude


Its overrated, even the stunts and the action sequence.

Not saying they are not well done, but too many of them is just John double tapping villains running towards him. There are few interesting ones, but would not hail it as some success considering that it was whole objective of the movie to have higher quality of the action. It certainly wont shine with the script, characters or dialogs...


Aw man, I forgot about Dre.

EDIT - RIP my inbox.


The soldier who signed up to fight the war, you mean?


> Sometimes your prospective employer just needs some plausible deniability.

Interesting point.

The employer may not care but they may know their insurance company might.


tons of fags have a big jaw. it's from all the d's.


I hate to be the one to spoil a good joke by pointing out that polar bears live at the north pole, not the south but the pedant who comes along after me will be *way* more smug about it so I must act now.  For what it's worth, solid joke.


did you see my other comment?


Goodness, that guy must be so insecure. What an overreaction.


Are you retarded? He linked to my profile and basically said "downvote this guy".


Did I watch the commercial? Yes.

Am I ever going to watch a NASCAR race because of it? No.


~~you are still salty from that game? really?~~

EDIT: Stupid ass comment on my part, nothing to see here.


When people from Detroit tell you not to go there, it's serious.


> How is it unethical to choose not to expose yourself to advertising?

It is unethical to choose not to expose yourself to advertising and still expect to have access to the benefit that advertising provides.

If you choose to not visit the site at all because it has advertising, then I would say you were in the right.


Unfortunately the only route is uphill, both ways

Edit: WOW, Gold! Much obliged, you benevolent hero. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to /r/lounge to celebrate, peasants.


**i used to get my posts removed, BUT THEN I TOOK A ARROW 2 DA KNEE xD!!!!!!**

thumbs up cuz skyrim is still awesome :D

**Edit:** Fuck you, worthless faggot pices of shit!! What the fuck is your faggot fucking problem downboating skyrim like that. I hope u get an arrow to the knee and get infected with leukemia.


*Shit, still behind by 10 points* "And 10 points to Neville for being a dick to his friends"


The difference between this and rape is that OP could have gotten up and left anytime. He was coerced or guilted into staying, sure, but he wasn't raped.


It was actually a she, and it was a knitted beanie.
She just kind of laughed it off, like it was a normal thing. She said "Oh, I thought it was left behind, and I was going to keep it"
And now I'm washing the hat.


Haha reddit got butthurt there look at the username people what did u expect? Richard or Rick and the rollins as in Rollin' ,Rick rolling .


I met Seth Rogan in New Orleans and he recognized me, that was cool.


exactly.  how easy it would be to fake that lol.  downvote.


More like House Of Cards actually


you wouldn't confront anyone without the comfort of anonymity.
here you go, the proper spelling, enjoy your victory you smug down-voting fuck.
"please".


If they remove /r/atheism from the front page, how else will I realize I'm not logged in?


YOU SHOULD FEEL LIKE AN ASSHOLE! THIS GIRL HAS SHARED A PIC OF THE ONLY TIME SHE HAS EVER HAD A SALAD IN HER HANDS, AND YOU'RE HERE MAKING STUPID JOKES


It would be the day I started smoking, and I would have not started to smoke. I paid a heavy price for my tobacco enjoyment.


IT'S OVER 9.000 ?!?!?!?! (obvious but necessary reply)


**TEN THINGS JESUS DOES DOES WITH WATER. #9 WILL BLOW YOUR MIND**


a shitty one, obviously


Jokes on you guys, I sit by myself for free everyday..
Oh.


then the check itself what?  You can't just stop half way through without telling me what the check itself did after it cost more to print that check.


Or a fully functional city that's just incapable of communication with the surface.


That was enough for me ;)

EDIT: -114 karma, lol. Hits to close to home guys?


I'm going to pretend this happened despite an overwhelming possibility to the contrary.


do you have a citation regarding the ability to kick someone out for "health reasons" when they bring their own food identical to that offered by the restaurant?

**EDIT**: lol at being downvoted when asking for proof.  *nullius in verba*


Good call, since beastiality won't be illegal for 24 hours.


Modern Family is an amazing show, in large part because he's on it! You're right, too. It would have been cool.


AMA request: redditor who visited amypage


Math priest? More like possible misplay priest . Sadly the uploader muted the original sound in the video otherwise one would have known that he didn't finish the calculations and just went for it.
Why is this a misplay without doing the math?
Because without knowing the calculations the perfect play would have been to play the recombulator targeting the northshire  after attacking with it.


I think it was the copper breastplate, and walking around in thunderstorms yelling all gods are bastards that did it.


You should want to protect speech you don't like just as much as speech you do like.


Playing a long game.


Sploogy looking cheese and condiments. Also, spinach.


Most folks would find it difficult to put words down in a way that would still sound natural.


Thanks for saying I deserve to be assaulted.


exactly, they fit up your butt much easier that way


NOOO UR MOM IS CONCETRATED EVIL FAGGET TROLLOLOLOL


Everyday I accidentally find out another horrible way to die on reddit. Bravo.


44 downvotes on this one. I upvoted it to try to compensate - if 43 other people help me and upvote this everything should turn out as it was supposed to.

Update: redediter now has 96 downvotes. We need to step it up people - need 95 people to upvote and set this right. C'mon our aim is statistical accuracy here - help to make this happen.


"Harden" only raises defense by one level, "greatly rose" is for 2+ levels.

 (⌐□_□) Get on my Pokélevel.

Edit: before you say it should be "sharply": It's "greatly" in [Gen I](http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Stats#Stage_modification_quotes).


Still, a manufacturer should definitely have thought of this.


Sort of relevant but not really: I was going through a tollbooth once, and the lady had two-inch long bright red talons. She couldn't get her fingers close enough to the money to pick it up, so she had to slide it across the little desk/shelf thing into her other hand. Seeing her try to pick up the money in my mind still makes me giggle.


dont understand why i get downvoted so much for saying its awesome.  this entire forum is glorified death.  people post death and get rewarded with karma.  everyone obviously thinks this shit is awesome or no one would be looking at it and upboating it.


I used to go on 9gag a lot, then I realized that it wasn't that great or interesting. Then my friend showed me reddit not too long ago, and it's pretty fricken awesome.


Well... If you consider Tumblrinas a population, then we still have a population today that makes shit up and pretends to be victimized.


I guess your friend bacons at midnight as well.


A video of people playing a videogame is "insanely incredible"?  Jesus Christ, get a life.


I'd eat out his mother for $1million.


NSFL because it gave me cancer. Checks out.

Edit: Oh okay, we're cool reposting the same 4chan screenshots over and over again, but no one is allowed to make 'this post gave me cancer' 4chan references.


Now back to me.
I'm on a horse.


Cock blowjob giant stalin dick munching dildo monster twat waffle cum shot blue waffle jolly rancher.


Well then, I guess that's another irrational fear to add to the list.


Eh, Vancleef isn't that good.


"My father warned me about men and booze, but he never mentioned a word about women and cocaine." - attributed to Bankhead


Why... I'm very new here...


I once misunderstood what Americans mean by 'fancy dress'. If you put 'fancy dress' on an invite to a party in London, you would expect people to come dressed as superheroes and the like. Not blacktie. So, when I showed up dressed up as a ghostbuster to what was in fact a rather formal affair, I looked a tad silly.


for the lulz of course !


Comments like yours are exactly the ones that we would like to remove. What you just did there is the lowest form of an argument. You are basically just a being an asshole or a jerk. Zak has listed in his subreddit rules that being jerk is a bannable offense, however he has never enforced this rule. This is the complaint we have been having with him for months now, myself included.


start world war III.  profit.


*others*

you got it


I like that the girlfriend's there, like "Yeah that's mine"


Gah, this argument again.

Think about it. Next time your desktop or laptop needs replacing, don't settle for a laptop.

Fear not. You may build a $500-600 desktop for redditing, browsing the internet and so on.

Then, whoopsies, add a video card for the price of a console, and BAM, you have a gaming computer that shits on consoles. Essentially, a console and a computer together.


Did you shoot your dinner?
No?
So you bought it at McDonald's?


Yeah, most of the subs where people have image issues are the same.


I can help you with that. You okay with dudes right?


This kid is making videos about Diablo 3. He obviously knows what he is doing. Dont be such a pussy.


Sometimes Mommies and Daddies use different holes so you don't wind up with a new little brother or sister.


I am glad someone like Cee Lo could stick it to the **idolized, overrated asshole** that is John Lennon. Fact: John Lennon **beat his wife** and left his children and smoked heroine regularly. These are not Christian values. This guy **needed Jesus** more than most people in the world, but he never saw the light. Just like you guys. Kind of sad.


> After reading the other comments in the thread, I added one of my own explaining my reasoning.

That was nice of you. :)


Bullied? That's life.


30 seconds isn't enough time to answer anything....


Agreed.  The rest of the world should absolutely conform to Western ideals, all the time; anything less and they're just savages.


Full tank on my truck for $30. First time since I bought it.


This was from yesterday, I washed all that shit off pretty quick. And I agree, I liked what she was almost trying to do with a slight wing, but damn was it poorly executed.


Why shock her when you can Spock her?


You have no idea what the rs looks like ha


Mission Control has confirmed OP has landed. Operation Don't Fuck Up is a go, over.

-Edit Mission Control has been funded, We can do more Missions now guys thanks.


Yes, because instead of all sending in our own questions, which will be downvoted by the hivemind, we're going to organize behind a few people who will ask really good, really relevant questions. Despicable, we are.


Super nifty. Also, living proof that asymmetrical vaginas are awesome, small boobs rock, and super awkward chicks that read *can* get laid on a regular basis.


I'm fine thanks for asking!


This. Canada geese are fucking assholes


You know all of Reddit are bad people when a literal joke makes the top page for *politics*. Colberts Super PAC is NOT politics, yet some cretinous members of society seem to have failed to realize that.


This shit right here....


I use to quote things, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Ok, think this will work, sorry about using a pizza box. http://imgur.com/RobQG


What happens if you have a son?


I am afraid that the following will occur:

[This...](http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3p6ymr/) and [this.](http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3p6yko/)


Can't say I'm surprised he chose Obummer.  This tells you everything you need to know:  Romney offered the young man a job, Obummer offers nothing but government handouts and socialist programs.  Which would you choose?  Actually working for a living, or mooching off of others (the liberal/Obummer way)?

I wouldn't be surprised if that little punk is an /r/politics subscriber.


Teddy is no longer with us, so a moment of silence for #26. You had a hell of a run, Theodore.
Then, I handily defeat Clint, since he is an old - oh, wait, he pulls out a gun and shoots me, drooling something about Commies and pinko faggots and his cold, dead fingers, before falling out of his chair and soiling himself. Thanks a lot, lazythinker.


To be fair you hardly did better last year.


Fuckin A.

I only use 100 grit sandpaper, screaming at the top of my lungs while watching animal planet.


was being sarcastic. guess that makes you the retard homie :)


That's good cause arguing gives you brain arthritis


yeah upvote Mr_fashion. You can actualy read that the mode has been changed.


&#3232;\_&#3232;

edit: I find this comment thread is better if read backwards from here


You can set your preferences to show anything even if the karma score on a comment is -81 I still see it.


It's his last name and he registered it first.  How could there even been an argument let alone a lawsuit.


I hope he puts up a fight and that the cops shoot this fucker in the face when/if they catch him.

But wait...that would kick off riots and protests, claiming this good guy ONLY robbed a FEW women violently, didn't deserve to be arrested much less shot by the evil police when he put up a fight...


Not an IT guy and I could pull off that kind of phrasing, it gets difficult if it's a 30 page forum and I don't know where to begin looking or am just lazy


Not really. I've never seen ribs look like that. They're too evenly sized and spaced.

Edit: Guys stop I'm already dead :(


I want to have sex with Josh.


I'd consider someone who commints fraud over getting banned for breaking the rules the overentitled fuck.


I came into this thread looking for new ideas...... :(


25 year old with the IQ of a 13 year old, makes sense.


Totally out of character.


I used to be a troll like you, but then I took an arrow in the knee!


U should be proud for being able to run that damn game.


**N**ovelty **A**ccount should be capitalized.


He made a new subreddit for every response


I used to think it was a logical move, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


"But babe if I'm this devoted to pranking you think of how devoted I am to YOU!" *gets yelled at anyways*


"Honey mind if I stop a little bit for a pee break?"

"No problem!"

*RUNS TO THE OTHER ROOM, GOOGLES VAGINA*


I used to make progress through honesty, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


> He never saw my porn before we got together

lol


I used to ride the karma trains, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I think some mistakes were made in the Office last season creatively.  That being said I think some of the best, most interesting and funniest stuff we've ever done was last season.  The Talahassee stuff was pretty sublime I thought.  The Episode when I had an appendectamy was brilliant.


nice edit, your forced use of bruh is really getting on my nerves! Its not my fault im fat!! im big boned!!!!!! and mcdonalds tastes so good!!! Im going to make a srd post about your comment because im so offended and want to start a witch hunt, even though i could have exerted hundreds of calories in the time it took to do so!!


I definitely see myself using the computer, and also the internet, more and in a way that is both for my own enjoyment and for writing my memoirs.


Wrong, if he has a good life and a good family, it is retarded to claim he made the wrong choice.  Clearly he made a fucking great choice.

It is not his fault her mom killed herself with drugs.


brojob
Brojob
BROJOB


You're probably one of those people who "literally die" all the time too. Dirtbag.


It's TIL. No one reads the article, myself included. I just check the comments to see if it's fake.


What is the difference between what this girl did and a casino advertising to potential customers?


I liked the ending. A lot.


I took her out on a date.

Weird she didn't tip though, after ordering the most expensive dish.


I somehow am responsible for my aunt doing this... Posted the iPhone microwave charging meme on my facebook and she nuked her brand new 5S.

She wanted me to pay for the replacement, but I've decided it'll be easier to just never talk to her again.


Let's hope he doesn't pull a Michael Sam


Thank you for your input.


he doesn't even alt-tab from it, fucking amateur hour over here


the chair is in a museum...


Nature is really wasteful with her heating. Does she not care about the environment!


Anyhow I don't post here for the karma who gives a fuck about karma.  Most of the things I like I don't expect other people to like because I hate most of the hive mind rabble supported bullshit on here anyway.  I support comedy in all it's forms and little shits like you with nothing to contribute piss me off.


I'm from New Jersey too.


It's funny coz niggers hate reading lol.


Nah. Everyone's invited!


Absolutely litereally?


The things other men say to women are jaw dropping. I can understand some men feeling to old or unattractive to gain your attention but the far left approaches are just absurd. In short they are saying, "I have nothing of value to add to your life, so i was just hoping to take some from you'.


lol no, stop with the "no in this thread seems to know this so let me give you some super obvious facts."

it's that the kid acted like a brat and shaq reacted in a pretty typical way. he didn't do anything. just sorta like "what the fuck was that" bc the kid had such a shit-eating grin after he hit shaq.

but thanks for the irrelevant info!


Same way everybody does.  When you stop tasting shit on the toilet paper.


D'aww, the little boy is mad cause I called out his bullshit ;3


Might I suggest the [Breast Cancer Research Foundation](http://www.bcrfcure.org/) as a great place to donate in the future? The Susan G. Komen Foundation only puts 15% of funds raised towards cancer research and unfortunately spends a large amount on legal battles with other charities over its supposed ownership of the colour pink.


S-sorry for using our scouts to locate and evaluate talented players for either use of the first team or their resale value in order to continue to compete at the top level of football.


So you're saying ol' Greg had a downstairs mixup?

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCaCAGZDrCg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCaCAGZDrCg) NSFWish


NEW VEGAS WASNT MADE BY BETHESDA

OBSIDIAN MADE IT


/r/intrusivethoughts
Someone mentioned wanting to jump near a cliff or in front of a train.. That is called call of the void. This is all normal stuff that almost everyone experiences.


Nice try, guy who is not funny.


Kickpuncher VS Punchkicker!


Just more proof the government is going to force vaccinations on the public. Do you really know what's in that syringe?


Definitely true. I wish I could live forever, not because I fear death or anything, but because I want to see what comes next. I want to know if we'll ever explore the stars, if humanity will ever outgrow it's petty ways and infighting, if we'll ever achieve some kind of metaphysical transcendence. I want to see what's around the next bend in the river of time...


nobody has a sense of humor?  why the down votes?


I can only draw people with rakes for hands, I am nearly 30. I just cant draw anything at all. My best hopes are that we will evolve into people with rake-hands, making me some sort of prophet and my drawings priceless, securing the financial stability for my family. But for now, I just suck at drawing anything.


Not so nice when he is sold to Man U for £24m the next season though...


The owner would exercise his right to bear arms.


Grower and shower don't rhyme


So was that the first time you met a fellow redditor in real life?


So you're saying that homosexuality is still wrong in the eyes of your God?

The same God who created us all?

I am shocked to see religious persecution from those who were persecuted themselves because of their religion.


This happens in all kinds of situations. I think one of our economic cognitive biases is undervaluing convenience. Sometimes we think we're clever little amateur economists but really our time isn't worth those tiny savings, except the savings are more easily quantifiable than the value of our time.

EDIT: but I guess that's the whole thread, innit.


Alright, man welcome to then Internet and not all games are good to all people. I think csgo is quite boring


Cats instinctively want to remain hidden for hunting and survival against other predators. Boxes are like the ultimate tall grass.


I used to karmawhore off the top comments, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


As a woman who always gets fries and has them stolen by my husband who "wasn't hungry enough to order his own," this is something any evil person who doesn't get their own fries will do.

He also needs to try at least one enormous bite of everything I'm eating and has no sense of ethics when it comes to the dip/chip ratio when sharing guacamole. The man has no scruples.


hey, aren't you the guy who couldn't spell his name right on that one thing?


really doesn't matter from where I'm standing. Thanks for the upvotes!


It isn't hard to imagine. Try being completely naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you.


Thanks, would you recommend B&W I, II, or Deluxe Edition?


Yeah, Nintendo likes to do that.


to be fair, this is a very beginner level of "reverse engineering" - most people can figure this out


It means your ipod only has 7 more days to live. It has icancer. I'm so sorry.


I cringed when they said all we can do is pray for him.

Upboat me r/atheism, we need to get this more views to convert


I love how little that actor seems to care in those movies


1) http://www.reddit.com/r/TrueReddit/comments/sl74w/im_a_sexy_woman_so_stop_objectifying_me/c4ewrwl

2) Because "men's rights" are a joke considering men have more rights than women in society. Men's rights groups are reactionary to the rise of feminism and are almost universally about hating women rather than furthering men.


I hated when I made [this](http://i.imgur.com/IWPNEjn.jpg) and I had to clear it for a test.

EDIT: [This](http://i.imgur.com/JF4sxI1.jpg) is to the people who say I didn't make it.


Are you reading with your ears? xD Hes talking about counter GANKING.


Then leave, and have the entire crew return moments later and say "Forgot my pen."


HI WEDDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU TINK DAT YOU CAN GET WID OF ME BUT YOU WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The invention of the revolving door was truly revolutionary.


Bullshit. The girl never goes for the poor waiter, liar. I'm sure that dude fucked her brains out later. You probably also didn't even deserve the generous $1.50. You're beggar, not a chooser.


Remember when I was jerkin' it the other day? I was doing this for you..


Who is the monster that downvoted this?!


This website was setup by your grandfather who needed an excuse to play Pokemon.  It was a long con.


I'm not getting it... thats not scary at all. None of this stuff scares me.. I listen to nosleep podcasts before bed... puts me right out, never scares.


There we go, AMA done, we have the answer we needed


People who feed rodents and pigeons and other nuisance animals: fuck you. Seriously. You make the world a worse place for the rest of us.

Want to feed an animal? Get a pet.

Edit: at least we're having a healthy discussion now. To understand what I'm talking about please visit this Humane Society reference (in particular #2): www.humanesociety.org/animals/resources/tips/feed_wildlife.html


> The first computer to pass the Turing test.

Shit, that would be cool.


It's not depressing, it's sickeningly pathetic.


Aww... Here's something to make your /u/mundaneandboring day better. [It's a rabbit.](http://i.imgur.com/3p3Jbmu.jpg)


You're downvoting because you're a cunt. My usage of the word "retard" is entirely correct; see usage "4 a":

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/retardation

I wasn't trying to add to the discussion; I was trying to add to Omepiet's knowledge of how to spell things. Reddit has more than one use.


I'd trust this guy, I feel like he gives a shit.


Everybody walk the dinosaur!
Edit: Your downvotes sustain me! Come at me bros!


well he did play the console version.

Edit: Wow what a surprise. Didnt call anyone a peasant for those arguing.


dont need my karma? dont get my karma! downvotes ahoy.


Knock knock.

Who's there?

Europe.

Europe who?

No, you're a poo!


same shit, they all have funny eyes


Always fap before big decisions.


Depression is not so bad that you are a corpse walking around. Its like you are glorifying your illness by making it appear to be more than it is.


"Not enough to keep me where I am. *Next question.*"


No, your mind is full of junk food and pot so you think crappy shows like this are entertaining.


Would you feel different if the adult was a male and the OP was female?


I used to recognize buddies on reddit, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Are fully stocked British warships a problem for you often?


I defy someone to downvote this.


Oh! Well, because Channing has his shirt off for part of the film. And because I wear really tight clothes. So for you and your SO, there you have it!

Plus it's kickass, and brilliant, and smart. But for you and your SO... you can go and see Channing half-naked. Yay!


Can we stop using that word to describe people that aren't white? Seriously, you're only encouraging them to act like idiots.


The last sentence describes the restaurant industry perfectly.


Is he a scientist?  Because you know...for science.


I don't mean to scare you, but I think you may have stayed with the Berenstain bears.


You're at the bottom of a downvote thread. Well done.


I made the mistake of posting in /r/Relationships, and it was nearly unanimous (ONE person was against the rest) that I should leave my SO because she suffers from depression. My question wasn't even whether I should leave her or not...


Clearly
Edit: Fuck all of you


That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my new vision


>there promises.

For fucks sake, if you can't even use the correct **their**, why the fuck would anyone give a shit what you think


I love that:

1. There is a grilled cheese subreddit.

2. Someone rage quit from it.


...which is a completely pointless to point out since this was neither implied nor stated. Not to mention the fallacies of that comment..
EDIT: Keep downvoting me. I'll give you a few more reasons to do so: I hope Santorum wins. Atheists are stupid. I masturbate to photos of dead kittens.


^ Found the professional bowler.


Hah! That's cute, he thinks 4chan has 60 mods when it's probably just one neckbeard with a screw loose and moot when he isn't out fucking bitches.


Charlie horse during sex = pleasure to agony in zero seconds flat


No they come in kids butts.


I like the way he switches up his feet each time as if there is some sort of form he's aiming for.


As nice as your comment is, you didn't ask a question. Sorry for the downvote.


When I was a kid an ant crawled in my ear and never came out. I love ants. Long live ants. Kill all humans


Easy to see it's photoshopped, not sure if you're joking...


I hear nothing but complaining that it'll just be Star Wars themed Battlefield. And honestly, I think that would be fun as fuck.


How about you keep your whining in [its own subreddit](http://www.reddit.com/r/QueQue/)


I especially hate this at work.

 "Are you busy?"

The answer to that will never be "No." WTF do you want?


...and the existance of religion.


You're wrong... the best part of the 2015 Grammy awards was the part where I didn't watch any of it.


Russia's air force has more planes than the US navy.


That's when you say "no."


Albeit with horrible English...


Put a note saying "If you unfolded this note: I just wanted to say that I love you, SO" in there. Trust will go up to 100%.


and you should feel bad!


I like the one with 1 star

"No Braille version???"

"My infant daughter went blind after contracting measles from an unvaccinated child, and yet there's no braille version of this wonderful book for me to give her someday to explain to her how awesome the disease that took her sight away is."


Ok do basket ball players go basketballing? Or baseballing? How about footballing? You catching my drift. Watch golf channel for any amount of time and you will never here golfing. Look what you turned me into


The universe won't let him die, he knows too much.


You don't realize the situation a lot of those citizens are in. They can't afford medical bills like you. Privileged westerners have no idea how poor people can get.

Putting yourself over others isn't being horrible, its being human.


Correct.  If I was running this group, now that I know it's possible for one worker to do 1000 records a day, the next logical step would be to raise the quota for each worker or adjust the bonuses.


I used to play wii sports with my family and one time my dad gave himself a concussion by flinging the remote and them whipping it back with the strap on his wrist and smacking himself in the face, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


This is the first ad in a long time I've actively liked. Whoever created that is a genius.


laughed way too hard at this comment!


He has advanced polycythemia. Basically his body makes too many red blood cells and it affects different parts of his body.


Oh look, you pointed out a typo. Aren't you special


Not sure if the rapist locator, or therapist locator...


Remember that, when liberals want to put a baker out of business because he wont bake a gay wedding cake.


He was in a hurry to go out and create jobs.


NUUUUUUUUUUGE!
Really?  RNH?


*A thought strikes your mind. You look at the screen. 'Gold,' you utter. 'This place is a fucking mine.' A few moments later, you see a golden badge on your post. Something is wrong. This is not how mines work. Normally, you find gold. This time, gold finds you. You stare oddly at the little yellow badge on your comment and go on browsing the comments.*


Anyone thinking a baby belongs to anyone but the mother is delusional.


Australian here. Textbook says "G'day, Mitochondria is like the powerhouse of the cell, mate."


God you people are idiots.  This literally looks like the worst, stupidest movie ever made.  How about watching something actually good instead, like a film by Michael Haneke?


I think the Dungeons and Dragons episode in season 2.


And you just won another argument. [Here's an internet high five!](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_jWNhyMUpjSE/SXpuMFPwzkI/AAAAAAAACf0/qhAlv2348mU/s400/hi.jpg)

Would you like to have another one or have you calmed down enough that you can explain the relevant points you wanted to make? I'm down for losing as many arguments as it takes.


I agree with this, it just makes me paranoid and overanalyze things.


> The hardly rushed they were well equipped. They didnt even tear away in their car. Fairly well drilled in my books.

So you're giving these terrorists praise? Seek help bud.


Its all about reaction time. If you respond to her rebuttal with another "Shut the fuck up", you may be lucky enough to stay in a hotel for a few nights where you can do whatever you please.


african is fucking stupid


Tommy Wiseau everyone


That would probably be me. I made that joke on 4chan around 2008 and I haven't been sued.


so they are trying to turn it off and back on again?


Proof. The fact that you people are going out of your way to view the hidden comments and unleash your mighty wrath of *click* is astounding!


I always say “ sex good, man satisfied”


No he didn't.  Are you blind and dumb?  He is embarrased that is why his arms go to his sides and he finished off with his flip in style.  I want to slap the shit out you right now for being a dipshit.

Edit:  Love seeing that there are 174 morons that agree with freym here...Wtf is wrong with you all?!  LOL @ you all!


Also, I'm pregnant.... no, sorry, I mean we are out of milk.


Hopefully this weekend. I've got work after school for the second half of the week and it takes up all my free time.


Can't blame the girl for being cold.


Katy Perry/10 with rice.


You should probably try installing a new driver


yeah, to which the person later stated it was good advice and one she'd repeat. so.


I know. Someone give that poor kid an Xbox.


Gonna stick my beef log right where you poo.


I'd like to add to the list of bannable offenses any mention of the username WorstAnswerPossible.


"I'm sorry Dale, we're letting you go. Please turn in your badge."

"I suppose you'll be wanting my gun, too."

"I'm sorry what?"


Too bad your account is 35 minutes old.

Nice try, kid.


I find this rather cruel, but maybe you and your family just have a different sense of humor.


Hi, I'm gonna hijack your top comment, just wanna know how's the view from the top

Don't mind me, I'll just stick around here for a while

EDIT: hey bug off, this is my time to shine


Here at Reddit we offer a great variety of high-quality, low-quality services!


I don't even understand why Madden is a thing anymore, FIFA is better in literally every aspect of gaming.

EIT: LOL keep giving EA 60 bucks every year for the same shitty product you plebians


Not if we only live there at night time.


Until you can produce an academic article published in a respected peer-reviewed journal demonstrating the existence of society-wide systematic oppression of men for the sole reason of their being men, yep. Individual people can be prejudiced against men for being men, but that's not the same thing.


Hey I'm not ugly. I'm just  aesthetically challenged.


He was never eligible.  Both parents need to be citizens, his father wasn't.


Sweet, my first gold! Here, have some gold for giving me gold!


If you like skinny, awkward, foul women I guess. Helps guys like her since she has the libido of a 13 yr old boy.
Edit: Downvote more please. My internet self esteem is too high.


I liked tangled better than frozen. I said it.


LmAo iiiiiii BeT YoU'rE ScArEd oF SpiiiiiiiiiDeRs LiiiiiiiiKe ThE ReSt oF **ReDdiiiiiiiiiiT FaGgOo00oOtS**

*StUpiiiiiiiiiD HiiiiiiiiVeMiiiiiiiiiiNd iiiiiiiiii SwEaR !*


Why did I read this comment?!


No you don't know how slut affects people. It's not close at all, sorry. You can't compare axes of oppression like that. You can only compare things when they intersect.

Edit: I'm actually honored to have been bridged this hard.


Oh I'm sorry, I thought this was America!


Nobody leaves here aLive


I'm on mobile, what's the best way to upload ?


It isn't satire at all, we just don't like fat people.


The Core is hilariously bad, but 2012 doesn't even try.


It's easier to tell you how many I haven't sucked today.


Your mom's apparently a moron.


loool... you're welcome


I want them to be in a movie together. Javier B is dating Katy Perry and JDM is dating Zoe Deschanel. They independently travel to a small island resort and end up in adjoining villas. An event occurs causing everyone's vision to blur slightly and shenanigans ensue.


So.. from what you're saying, 'It' isn't a bot... But part bot, part human... CYBORG?! D:


And of all the things to make an issue, who got their check first? WTF? Blatantly an excuse not to tip.


No i'm just tired of financing this handout culture for people who wake up and say "hmff, i don't feel like working today". Or are you going to claim, wrongly, that "there aren't any jobs out there for young people"?


yo pewds what is your grahix card and can u ad me on steam????


>le That's what they did with le famous prank. A couple of le seniors released a couple of pigs in le school and gave them le numbers 1, 2, 3 and le 5. le They kept searching for number 4 for a long time.

FTFY :P


Tosh would destroy me. Also, because 15 frat guys would see him beating me up and join in.