10 years, 2 wars, 919,967 deaths, and $1,188,263,000,000 later, we managed to kill one person. Worth it?


OMG THAT WAS A RACIST EVENT


But the computers! WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE COMPUTERS!


MAKING FUN OF SNOOKI? LOL SO FUNNY!

Dear ~~God~~ Sagan, the bravery!

Edit: Dwnvotes? Srsly guise?


Should have used incognito.


My theory is that my post drew attention to the fact that he/she wasn't living up to his/her vow, and that is what made him/her make this post.


Sometimes I wish Earth was as big as Jupiter so we'd have a lot left to explore and discover

Edit: Okay, yes, I know gravity would fuck us all. Can't a nigga dream?


And youre judging that based off one gif? Or have you actually watched mangos marth before


As an American, this gives me extreme anxiety.....Not all bathrooms are like that, but many are. Sometimes I just leave the bathroom, especially if kids are in there.


Wow must've missed that first rule you just made up.


You can't wish for something you did Bill.


Man, you're a fucking douche.

>As a moderator of /r/conspiracygrumps I would kindly request that nobody harasses any of the grumps with Jon related stuff.


There is actually little evidence that shoulder belts and car seats for kids are much safer than the shitty old lap belts.

Edit: Oh just downvote me without looking into it you stupid fuck.


I love using this. I live abroad and I pull the foreign card and then watch the local explain it out loud, which is usually pretty embarrassing for them. "This makes sense because putting down poor folk/black people/ditzy women is hilarious to me"


Dunno why you are getting downvoted my clever friend, have an upvote sir!


Former JC Penney pricing guy, here.

It's not just Black Friday. Literally every sale.


> Sorry, any mod with half a brain would have seen this backfiring hard core.

That's the point. It ***didn't*** backfire. It played out exactly how we expected it to.

> There is no reason for anyone to stay here while you are still a moderator now that you've proven you are incapable of making an intelligent decision.

Then feel free to unsubscribe.


"Did you have any trouble getting up here?"


"Worked as an escort before I turned 18. Got raped at knifepoint" you are a whore you cant get raped, you can only get robbed. And you didnt get robbed you got paid for your services and by how you say it you got paid well, why are you complaining?


Stop it. Go live in Liberia.


So, systematic bitch calling is what in your opinion?


Scrubs too. I thought it was sweet that they addressed it even though it would have been just as easy to just not have JD's dad visit again.


so what do you call obama who can't talk to a group of 5th graders without a teleprompter?


There isn't a single teacher who would want to stay in a fake 5th grade class.


I have tagged you (with RES) as "Respondent Villain"


Same here, man. I actually came in my pants in the middle of class. I wasn't even finished orgasming when the teacher unexpectedly called on me. I had to answer while the jizz was still spilling out of my dick.

Then I had to go to football practice. Man, my crotch felt so gross.


Supposing that wouldn't be the dumbest thing you've done today (I am guessing).


Damn. That just sounds stressful.


and it's better than circumcision how?


She blew me away when she was on Howard Stern. She has an encyclopedic knowledge of music, music history and musical theory. She REALLY knows her shit!


My dad was actually one of the prisoners. Unfortunately I don't think Reddit deserves such an AMA. You guys never ask good questions. Sorry :-)


Your Nana and I have that in common.


Eh, I've seen better.  Especially since this redditor must be an adult since she has a daughter.  They're good, I guess.


Awesome! you should build an amusement park.


Good effort for everyone involved. You need not upvote, or downvote me. Just showing my appreciation for the cooperative team jokes.


I live in a campus apartment and they've recently changed the visitor spots to 4 hours only.  One morning while waiting for the bus I saw the parking police marking the tires of all the cars in the visitor spots with chalk indicating the time a ticket could be written.

As soon as he left I went and wiped the chalk off each of the cars' tires.  I giggled the whole time I was doing it.


This should have more upvotes.


You forgot
>woooooh wooooh oooooh ooooh oooh. ooh oooooooh


No its totes legit, my husband fell asleep watching a movie and I wanted to go blaze at my friends, but I also promised him a Beej earlier that day, hence note...


All I know is they were made by Waggin' Train. He's been going to area pet stores and urging the management to take it off the shelves themselves and telling customers he sees buying it his story.


What's with the censor? We're all mature adults here


i feel like a kid who just found out santa claus doesnt exist


Ummm.... I may get downvoted for this, but my best advice is: don't do any drugs. Alcohol and tobacco is ok as they are not **ILLEGAL** (-:


like the green one at the end of his bed?


Please don't use 911 for this, kids.

Edit. Unbelievable. Don't call 911 to report people using phone for video. Of course use 911 to report road rage.


"Integrity is doing the right thing, even when you can't see me." - John Cena


he didnt answer so how about crimsonpheo ;)


I dunno, I bet your cat was pretty happy to get a large cardboard box.

Edit: My most upvoted comment is about a cat in a box. Never change, Reddit.


Nobody gives a damn fuck. Just upvote him you piece of shit.


aaaand you take the cake for the worst birthday ever.


This.

EDIT: downvotes, really?!

**EDIT2: SEAN HANNITY IS LITERALLY WORSE THAN HITLER**

EDIT3: downvotes, *still*!?!?


Seconds. Within seconds.


Don't dignify this shit.


Not to mention it's called the butterfly effect and stabbing his hands had no effect on the future other than giving him scars while every other time he changed something small the whole world was different.


dude, the ending sequence was is in his head as he was fighting off indoctricnation. This could not be any more obvious.

Its a great ending.


In my experience, people without televisions will freely tell you without being solicited for that information.

Edit: didnt think this would be taken so seriously. I thought the 'in my experience' would cover my bases, but i was wrong. Not *everyone* without television is a dick.


Graduating from university isn't an accomplishment. Getting a job in your field is the accomplishment.


I used to work hospital security. Some of my coworkers (who used to work *in jails*) regularly commented on how much more violent it was.

A big, busy, urban hospital is a fucking shitshow.


I used to report motherfuckers, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


What the fuck lady? I'm having a hard time even understanding what she meant. How else were you supposed to interpret that? If anything, she could have said "sneak it out of the bag." Or she could have just used her brain like the husband and said what the fuck she wanted. This is making me irrationally angry, I need a beer.


its a bunch of 10 year olds idolizing him, so of course theyre going to have the shitty sense of humor of a 10 year old. theyre probably the type of people that think being a douchebag = trolling.

the only true trollmaster in lol is Dyrus


Thank you for treating him like a human being. Please don't ever stop it.


O god a typo!  The world is coming to an end! Surely this is the sign that the 7th seal has been broken!


don't startle the witch.


take all my upvotes


It's *not* that common, it *doesn't* happen to every guy, and it *IS* a big deal!


Except, having a baby is in no way, shape, or form, an emergency.


It's probably due to the splash damage.


Your stupidity says otherwise.

And I thought you weren't talking to me anymore?


What he lacks for in all those things, he makes up for in chromosomes


She'll need a new name: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexis_Texas

Edit: Holy shit, I'm an idiot. Have you guys heard of this thing called porn?


And not being unattractive


Right. That's it. This stoner just so happened to stumble along and find a pineapple with an upvote by chance.

Or and better assumption would be that this asshole decided it would be cool to stencil this shit in his neighborhood for some useless karma.

Downvote for you sir. You are not an ent. You're a selfish brat who doesn't give a shit about other peoples shit.


Everybody is funny but Chris Pratt is killer.  He could break us up easily.  He never did the same thing twice.  I think he's a bit of a comic genius.


lol im pretty sure the OP don't understand how the sun and the universe works if he think that astral objects can "fart" .. fail OP fail

**EDIT : UH ? DOWNVOTES ? GUYS DO YOU REALIZED THAT PLANETS LIKE THE SUN CAN'T FART ?!?!**


i have the weirdest hadron right now...


Yes, meta is an English word, not a reddit fad, just like meme is not a reddit fad; so despite everyone using them incorrectly, you are expected to know what they mean, as a contributing world citizen.


Not so much surprising, but I have learned that people are often much more alike than they are different. No matter how famous you are, pant legs go on one at a time.

As for America, I want to see the end of the economic crisis.


FIXT.

>Racist white people on Facebook? That never happens.


Drunkenness increases balls by 70%


ThisThreadMayBeDownvoted


Only in his Nick Fury costume and character. :)


So you're saying people would commit suicide if a certain fighter didn't win a fight. I'm not sure that's 100% accurate.

Edit: Wow, thanks for the downvotes, jerks. I was joking...


Unless they're delicious and you love *cum*.


Did someone say Nazi pun thread?


I am a super hero. :)


Oh I get it now. He is sad over the death of a person when he has killed people himself. Makes sense.

sorry for not getting it and making yall upset

next time hopefully instead of getting mad u can answer a simple question :\^)


I've noticed how on reddit, for most issues, both sides feel like they're the underdog.


Your business is not the norm.  Don't spout off as if it is


I wish I had popcorn while I read that.


Ha! I am not a creationist. Evolution is the word.


Reminds me of the onion article "why do all these faggots keep sucking my dick?"


UPVOTES! Upvotes all around!


Traveling to china! Oh my it used to seem unreachable when I lived in Kansas! When I was in china I had a python wrapped around me on the streets of singapore by a snake handler.

Edit: She meant to say shanghai!  Shes got a photo from this I'll try to upload


Better than Obama...

Edit: y'all redditors are retarded. Neither of the candidates in the 2012 election were qualified or good. Same goes for most of the elections in history. But Romney is much better with money than Obama, that's for damn sure.


What?
But Reddit goes down on me all the time!


hotshot is no loss, and dyrus will be back. hotshot goes to whatever place helps inflate his ego, and dyrus is just moody.


> What a valuable find! A great hive of strong bees! Mmm Bees.

I pictured you wearing a bee costume as you typed this.


That's because Kung-Fu is fucking useless


brb signing up for karate classes


So did Arshavin.  Doesn't make him a great footballer ( unless you are comparing him to every person on the planet and not just to the top footballers atm )


*Hey asshole, look at you trying to lift that fucking couch. You look like you were built out of twigs you stupid prick!*


What exactly is the problem? They used curse words? I don't understand the shame.


He's saying he does LSD *and* The Man needs to get off his damn back about it.


I cringed so hard when i saw the word *nerdcore*. Listen, you are not a "Nerd". "Nerds" have a certain amount of intelligence. You have none of this you fucking hipster.

*vomits *


I figured OP was a guy and it just made him really wanna suck a dick.


Pulp fiction gun bros!


So when she's fully clothed does she look like a 12 year old girl?

I never get this reasoning.


Doesn't matter, I don't have to stay up and have lame pillow talk bullshit.


So toss a sheet over my head, turn out the lights and break an ant farm on her?


47% of my face isn't doing anything..


My name is Colleen Farrell. I'm just going to pretend you spelled my first name wrong.


Yes, the pinnacle of Shaq's career is as an ESPN analyst one year after his retirement...


No shame here.  Not really.  It just flows out.  Sometimes I can fart and feel it, but it causes me no troubles.


You asked yourself the same question.


When you look at it, the file is changed by Windows Defender probably to avoid malicious redirects which is actually a good thing for any novice users.

You can disable this protection by putting the hosts file in exclusion list.


I am. A good 30 minutes could have been cut out. Overlong and too drawn out.


I hope that she made him pancakes in the morning.


Holy shit you're right! No joke I thought the one getting the card was a girl and didn't even look at the dude in the background


If I was internet famous I would probably just use to it my self advantage and score with geeky chicks.

I am a bad man.


He said it won't change if you delete your account. It will drop if you unsubscribe.


In your closet? Holy god he's like a literal fucking boogie man.


Looks like 9gaga brigade.  Just ignore.


She's going to shoot him.

It'll be on the news, just you wait.


Thanks, I saw you bring that up on twitter as well, which was assuaging. It's been a long time since I've been active on reddit, due to said unpleasantness. Just please don't do Stormfront next.


I go to see what's happening on certain subreddits. And 36 hours later I'm masturbating on the interstate highway. Typical weekend now a days.


hmm, pretty sure it's "their you are"


It's like people forget that the Geneva Conventions are an actual legal document, not just some vague concept of good behavior.


"I NO WANT RASYS IN MY SPOOPY GHOST BOO BOARD!

This is how autistic you people sound.


I swear if he doesn't update us on this, I'll move into his attic and torment him forever.


AKA /u/kibitzor's latest installment of "I did a race - praise me!"


If anyone is wondering that's about 3 Jet Li's.


...which came AFTER the part where the kid cops an attitude.


I think deleting or overwriting a save from *any* game is fight-worthy, much less doing it for selfish reasons.


If you want to get arrested for [assault](http://definitions.uslegal.com/a/assault-and-battery/), then sure.

edit: This is my least popular comment ever, and it is ironic because I am absolutely correct.  I added the definition of assault for people who apparently think that because Denny was awesome, he was somehow immune from actual laws prohibiting assault.  Also to be a douchebag.


He's the exact same way in the books too. A single dad whobis waaaaay out of his element and tries to just stay out of the way.


AC can still be on with out the engine running


"Swiss chocolate is like shit from a turtle's ass" is the translation, if anyone is wondering.


Hey, I'm still a teenager, give me a break on stupid decisions :)


Go to see a production of Shakespeare's Hamlet. Right as the curtain rises lean to the person next to you and say "Knock Knock." The first line of the play is "Who's there?"


Good.  We like being known as assholes to people who don't read.


You really think its okay to watch over every single thing your husband does?


"You look like you want to fight!"

"No, I don't want to fight."

"You callin' me a liar?!"


Depends on personal preference tbh

edit: jeez, now every comment of mine gets downvoted regardless of it's content. guess i made some people angry with my opinion


I am.

Edit: Almost had a heart attack. Saw I had Over 150 upvotes.


Could you get any gayer?


"You're not supposed to murder people, you low expectation having motherfucker!"


HI WEDDIT!!!!!!!!!! GAGA MAMY why DADA PUT his SnakE ON My VAGINIA!!!! GOO GAH goo I wana pwuay owieee!!!!!!! WAT ID DA APETOL SCIENCE HANDHWELD POTOL DEVICE WEDDIT??????????


I had a teacher like that, we called him mr thunderpants


Your fault for buying a shitty AMD card. Should have bought nVidia.


I am Woody Harrelson -Don't AMA


Upvote post, downvote comments?


I may move to sweden.


karma doesn't exist anymore than Allah, Yahweh, Beelzebub, Kali or unicorns.

if it did, Cheney and Putin would be ass fucking each other with razor bladed condoms right about now.


Back in the 80s, Hue Jappas (:huge pause") was a quarterback for the Chicago Bears.  It's sort of an obscure reference.


Really? "Red flags abound" because someone might have cold feet?


Your very straight boyfriend is anything but.
Sorry.


That was a pretty quick edit ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


LOL have you heard of this story? Pun INTENDED much?? LOL

http://www.myfoxphilly.com/story/26478589/lesean-mccoy-tipped-20-cents-at-pyt


>only 8-10

oh ok.


Antonio Brown is Minitron... Fuckin pats fans


Just like with babies.


Did you bother to read the trivia quote?


With SOPA, accusation becomes enough proof for a takedown.


Lol where were those comebacks after The Game dismantled g-unit and his music career. 300 bars !!


I am more liberal than Obama, and more conservative than Romney. I think most Americans fall into this category. Where are they being represented?


How did I know someone was going to respond with this??? I'll show myself out...


I used to do this but I now own a dog and he just comes and sits down in front of me, staring into my eyes. The shame is unbearable.


That's not how gender works.


BUM BAAA DADA DAAAA DADA DAAAA DANANA NANANA NANANAAAA

Edit: I knew my music theory classes would come in handy one day


Mob mentality. Did nye just imply increasing the temperature doesnt increase pressure? I think he misunderstood what rubbing down means..

Just saying "even I could have pointed out" doesn't mean shit when you didn't explain anything.

Loads of confirmation bias and circle jerk flowing in this sub. Don't pretend like you guys are exempt.


that is the absolute worst way to say cum i have ever heard.


came here to say this XD


The end of civilization.


In my mind, I was just naming some minor points, introducing the fact I really do like his stuff.

But I never got this many replies and messages before, I love my new life as a troll!


"Mudhole? Slimy? My home this is!"


That's what she said! That's right, i went there. Bring it downvotes.


I laugh a lot at 3am. And even more at 4am. By 5am I'm crying. And at 6am I'm chuckling as I drift off into unconsciousness.


If by best you mean oldest and most over used then yes, yes they are


"Waaaah, we only won one Super Bowl with Revis."

That's what you sound like right now.


dude, never argue with a woman. You're never going to win. Men are expected to just shut up and put up with women.


I think subjecting her to a lifetime of mediocre sex would be a better punishment.


That was a total coincidence. I don't know how redditors find it so hard to comprehend that two people can happen to do the same thing. Also I can't tell you how many times I've seen two of the same comic posted just a few minutes or hours apart from each other.


It cries because you beat it.


Oh, this is the wrong downvote brigade?

Also this is a personal attack, in violation of this subs rules, in the sidebar.


My thoughts too; single guys have no idea.  Just part of life.


Is writing on litter vandalism? Because the overwhelming majority of hotel bibles aren't provided by the hotels themselves, but left by Gideons.


Should have given him the $1.43 as part of the change...


Inside joke with me and a few friends, thats how I got the upvotes, from my friends.


if you can't beat em', join em'?


i have no idea what you typed http://media.trb.com/media/photo/2011-12/355519980-14155332.jpg


never *tell* your daughter you like her boyfriend.


Serious comment is serious.


Someone posted another weird question related to government stuff. They said these questions are asked to check  if there's any chance of blackmail or anything like that.


EXFUCKINGACTLY! Why does the US even have a military or taxes? No civilised nation on Earth relies on either of those things anymore, HEY US LET US KNOW WHEN YOU MOVE OUT OF THE DARK AGES!


***checkmate***,atheists.


that's unfortunate

EDIT: okay...I assumed reddit was progressive enough to realize that scientists shouldn't be burdened with mythology. I guess not.


TIE:  Game of Thrones. Mad Men.

Also: Black Mirror and Peaky Blinders.


I've killed three men at close range, one I beat to death with a pipe. I have burns that cover the back of most my legs. And yet you American sit in your big homes and judge me. You make me sick.


And then died of dysentery.


You took it up the ass, you are bi.  Definitely not straight.


I stand up AND turn around. I was turning around up until I was 16. My friends saw my feet in the stalls and were like "What the hell?"


that's exactly why he killed himself, he didn't want to you to care about him.


My parents did almost this exact same thing up until I hit high school.  They'd also get mad at me for having no friends but then when I tried to go hang out with someone whenever I came home they'd get mad at me because they thought I was doing drugs.

It was a major lose/lose situation.


One could argue that vanilla is the best flavor of ice cream. One would be wrong.


I will take your upvote and cherish it for all time. More upvotes may come along, different, more sensual upvotes, maybe wearing something silky and revealing, but they will never compare to yours.


nope. Character was written out


Daniel Radcliffe wore the same shirt, jacket, and hat after leaving a play he was performing in for months.  Every single photo the paparazzi took looked the same, so they all were worthless because it *looked* like they were just recycling photos, and no one wants them.


Intersex people are rarely if ever truly between the sexes.


As a mattress and bed salesman, I don't know whether to scold you or to thank you for increasing sales.


As bad as it sounds i kinda agree. Prison is not supposed to be a nice place so since her life is in no danger she shouldn't receive this.


What limitations does braille have? Can it represent everything that we read using the alphabet?


I think in a straight up cage match the younger guy would eat the older one alive, but the older guy got in a sucker punch.  That's not to say that the younger guy didn't deserve it, but in a street fight awareness and being ready to defend yourself is literally more than half the fight


I really hope I get to meet your daughter some day.


Yes. I just like to watch MLP and maybe fap to it sometimes but I am a pretty cool guy (unless you are an American. Then we are gonna have a problem.)


I want to punch your cousin in the face.


Not wtf at all, and *not* a very good tattoo.

edit: Downvotes for an opinion not too different than his. Interesting.


Hey, reddit, I made a website.  Please DDOS me!


Yeah, no.  Thieves casing our neighborhood would be well served to avoid any house who has a police cruiser parked out front for any reason, right?  Then if you figure in that house lights are on, security system is armed, and neighborhood watch (yes we have this) is on the lookout, my home basically is a non-target.


> Account age: 1 month

Nooooo.....


In 2.8 years Blizzard may not even be a software company after their sale goes through. Electronic Arts were a good candidate for buying them until they put themselves up for auction. Wait.... wait.... it almost felt like a trend forming. Like a million game developers crying out at once.


Limitless was actually good though. Like, really good.

I don't remember them saying anything like that in limitless though, just that it makes you smarter.


Or just because he was black


Just to prove you it's not as difficult as you think I'll give $2100. Now tell me who deserves those and can be proven to have received the money?

Update: [donated](http://i.imgur.com/os7EE.png).


Again, I'm not saying it wasn't wrong. But implying that shes not bright and is trying to do this to set up a social justice campaign on facebook? seriously?


     ____
    |     |
    | ಠ_ಠ |
    |_____|
    \     /
     \ಠ_ಠ/
       |
       |
      / \
     /   \


If your dad owned a store then you wouldn't be saying that you spineless hypocrite


"How was your weekend. sir?"

"Well, I..."

*Inserts fist and equipment into mouth*

"... RWMAHWGORWHG!"

"You went to the movies? That's nice!"

"RWAAARGHU!"


Water cannot be compressed.


An 84 year old man wouldn't be ashamed to answer anything.

How're your balls?

Lower than my wife's breast and three times floppier.


Someone's mad they can't cheese anymore...


/r/JusticePorn worthy. Do it, for free karma.


Using my vast wealth and resources I believe it may have something to do with the [old reddit switch-a-roo](http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/pmgfi/my_wife_went_to_some_fancypants_art_school_i_did/c3qkem9).


What is it with this girl and Canada?


Assuming you're a grammar nazi that believes English hasn't changed since 1700.


She's still there, you know, still waiting...


Random guess: you frequent /r/mensrights ?


RIP, subjunctive mood.


wow you fat fucking atheists wouold get your god damn religious information from fuckin**g star wars think for yourself for once fuckin idiots....


"This pleases the man"


idk about that, i've driven around equal amounts stoned and equal amounts sober. i have gotten 5 tickets in my life all of them were from driving sober


Do you guys need a halls?


truth, sell this to riot for real monayzz


Just because I can't remember doesn't mean she can't remember. She does. Every time.


I said good, not the best. Seriously, you smogonfags get so pissy.


I didn't want to say it but... I'm the CEO of the internet.


That was a long time ago. I have changed. Because I realised, being part of this sad and ignorant community actually makes me a less of a decent person which I know I am.

I suggest you calm down and sit back down for I have other businesses to attend to.


It's an internal matter. Swedes only.


as a TWTR owner, i can confidently say that i don't give a shit


You sit on a throne of lies


because I am a sassy person? I dunno maybe just because Im bored


Did you ever stop to think that maybe she was saving all your ear wax to make a wax version of your penis? Maybe she does this with all her boyfriends. Then she leaves them but keeps their wax dongs.


Kind of like the americans corrupting the middle east.


You have an hour to convince 100 people to get on 100 flights under a false name.


To become president you have to be natural born, which is both parents.


There's a lot of moments throughout the series where their characters seem to forget that they're related.


Just the ones that upvote your jokes.  Hate to break it to you but you are loved by the lowest common denominator of reddit-users, have fun karma whoring.

Edit: Ha I cum in your mom's mouth and she gargled it, HA HA HA.  I should make a novelty account.


And then you are forced to eat your own cum after she leaves.


Jesus Christ, get away from me, you horrible human.


Flying Death Robots (aka Drone strikes) being used against sovereign nations that pose no threat to us.

EDIT:

Clarified my meaning.


Nothing for your lower body?

Edit:
Oh no, looks like i got the muscle heads upset.  Thats right keep on working those arms and do nothing for your core and lower body, chicken legs.

Give me more downvotes you roid using limp d idiots.


**BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM**


Downvote for listening to NPR


That is my usual drunken argument.


Better listen to the bot, bep.


This is why we can't have nice things.


I don't know what the fuck you just said little kid but you're special man, you reached out and you touched a brothers heart.


It's worth noting that this is Radio Free Asia, essentially a US government mouthpiece in Asia. If you view it from this context, the charges brought against the brothers aren't so different than the US bringing charges against "spies".


>there are others of course but I'll spare you all.

No, you will tell us more stories


I don't live in NJ, but if I did you bet your ass I'd be there on Nov 11th to burn my jersey and boo him with everyone else.  That'll be a fun game to watch on TV.


That means she Gave it to you


We got a badass over here ?


"Got me right in the feels I tell ya."

I'm sitting in the toilet, I laughed so hard I finally pooped. I've been constipated..


That's a ridiculous statement. I got the exact same info from a friend of mine and from my mother in order to set up eBay account, exactly like her friend was wanting. So I'm not a "true" friend or son? What kind of logic is that?


How does Alison kiss?


No console war is needed because Xbox is better, I don't see anything to fight about.


If your son does not happen to get his iPod back, send me a PM and I will send him one of mine as I have a few extra.


* you know the scientific method doesnt prove everything right? I know your trying to make people skeptics but its fucking stupid. A bunch of stuntmen arent going to be able to solve everything


http://i.imgur.com/NiYrQ.jpg What company and the website...


The only talent I can readily identify is his capacity to prey on white guilt. That is a talent that goes far in Obama's America.


Except you found the ring and went to sell it in a pawn shop...where the guy works.


I've done it before, not a big deal. I don't see what you're worrying about


When people care as much about unborn babies as they do about Koalas the world will be a better place.


Chick is just barely getting used to being on earth, and she already wants to leave it.


IT'S NOT MANLY IF YOU'RE CRYING ABOUT POKEMON.


**B**acon

**L**ettuce

and

**T**omato


Here in Canada we were hoping it would fail and fail hard. America is no longer on the forefront of space exploration, now China, Russia, and Sweden are the leaders. Events like this just heighten the probability that 'Merica gets mad that they're no longer on top and starts threatening to sabotage the manned Moon/Mars missions other nations are planning.


SKIP skip skip SKIP...let me stop you right there. I KNOW lebron james. he is a close friend of the family, our children go to school together, we have the same gardener, i cook dinner for him every night, and we snuggle under the blankets to watch netflix. BUT SKIP, LET ME TELL YOU THIS. LEBRON...JAMES...would NEVER has aware of johnny FOOTBALL'S rehab.


She goes straight to hitting him to get his attention.

She's lucky he didn't hit her back.

**edit** I just got back from making comments on YouTube and I'm downvotes?   The heck redit.  http://i.imgur.com/yOyxz0G.gif


i'm right handed but i make sure there's toilet paper between my hand and my butt before i wipe.


Yes, good sir, twilight is a terrible series, I also I think we should help the poor, save all the starving kittens, and stop all of these wars we are in.

* Edit: really, -80, you people have no heart.


Right on, captainmagictrousers.


Get a sense of humour.


You, I have harsh words for you. I've been on Reddit for over a year without even getting close to the first page and you do it in less than 48 hrs. I feel like smothering you with the pillow of love.


Are you drunk? What self respecting man would love a freak like yourself. People like you are the cancer of this earth.


They'll say awwwww topsyyyyyy at my auuuuutopsy.....


Can't tie my shoes but I can fuk ur bish

Edit: But seriously, the "I'm better because I'm older" argument got old in the 8th grade.


Adele... is that you?


squint a little harder ... (\^o\^);


After I jizz on my chest I usually lay there for a minute having a deep thought....and then I wipe it off and go back to work.


But you clock in before starting your charts and go get breakfast while on the clock.

That's both time theft and a huge liability for the company.  I'd like to know (though you certainly aren't answerable to an internet stranger) why you think it's acceptable to clock in and charge time that you aren't working?  Why not get breakfast, then come back and clock in for the work you actually do?


To all sad people reading: this doesn't mean that sadness equals intelligence, you may as well be a sad idiot.


Lol yeah that's exactly what I said. *perfect reading comprehension*


>Also ewe.

The black sheep of the family?


not cold, just really muscular


Can I get... Any of you cunts... A drink?


it's posts like this, man. why are you even on reddit right now?


>everlasting job stoppers

Brilliant.


You should stick with self deprecation jokes. :)


I heard a rape I couldn't do anything about. This was when I was working in the larger cell house with around 260 inamates. I heard the screaming coming from one of the cells but couldn't find it in time. When I finally did I knew something had happened but the inmate wouldn't talk.


i dont get it? all tattoos are bad


I was gonna say that.

Why bother going through all that shit just for a deformed finger?


Euthanasia joke. Apperantly it went over some heads.


Let's just say that this isn't his first run in with the law.


You're riding a motorcycle. You chose your fate and I am indeed willing to put you in the danger you chose to be in.

My SUV is so big I wouldn't even notice you.


You should not use the baby Jesus as a link in an electrical daisy chain. I'm certain that's in the bible somewhere


He escaped because you are a stupid cat person who feels the need to open his cage in places where it would be bad if he got out.


Why is it espoused in your "holy" book of hate then?


I'm shocked to find out you can date yourself. This changes *everything.*


What exactly do you think shouldn't happen, teething? I would imagine, using common sense, that a dog should go through teething seeing as they can't possibly be born with their giant fangs.


My ex wife was Bi. She always told me "I love people, not genitalia ". It was a pretty profound idea to me. Then she turned out to be a bitch. Oh well.


Wasnt false it was a confusion on my part this happened over 6 years ago and i got the dates mixed up because i dont think about this everyday so  i congratulated him on correcting me.   thanks for your unneeded input though


Wow, he's an absolute cunt.


It was the lead up to a funny joke. Get over yourself.

Edit: [Fuck you guys.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=yPLcZ5Rk3Lg#t=14s)


My sister would have been like " he shits his pants too!"


I don't understand the LT remark, I am a civilian though.


You can tune a piano but you can't piano a tuna!


You're*. What I am saying that is something that has proof all around the internet and one should be stupid to ask proof. What Im saying is go find it yourself. Fucking shit, no wonder you don't believe this. You can't even understand a simple sentence.


Amy: dignified, serious, smiling

Tina: sneezing, chewing, having a seizure


Ooh. Gendered slur. Nice.

Keep it classy /r/gaymers


Perfect first answer to an AMA.


he goes a bit over the top with the racial component tho, his message is pretty repetitive throughout the whole album and the cover with the black dudes on the white house lawn, to names of the tracks, to his subject matter he's overcompensating on an album that doesn't let you breathe AT ALL

Edit: Lord -57 points??? lol I love reddit


"Hey there, is this the angry mob?"

"HELL YEAH!"

"Perfect!  What are we rioting about this time?"

"A movie implies that we're an out of control angry mob"

"What an outrage!  LET'S BURN EVERYTHING DOWN"


And now I get downvoted!


Maybe he got vaping and raping confused?


I can make post nerf Akali look strong with 5/1/5 by 15 minutes m8


I mean, we have a US holiday named after him. That puts him on the same pedestal as MLK


Damn you! I came here just to say that.


The joys of owning just one shirt


What makes this even more amusing is that he won a superbowl, and also won the NFC defensive player of the year that season. So yeah, I'd say he's a winner.


To be nice. There is ice cream in my shirt. LOOK. There is ice cream in my shirt.


wtf is this fucking garbage. you stupid cunts making this should get herpes. wtf guys.


The last sentence is better. One of the most chilling final sentences I've ever read.

SPOILERS

*But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.*


Did someone said Oedipus Complex?


Now there's the king of all double standards.


I didn't really think a name could handicap somebody. I guess I don't understand what's wrong with the name.


I felt the same after I saw that pic. Every ounce of hurt from the bullying is on his face :(


"you can lose weight" thats not a suggestion?
and she said she is crying.


AMA Request: The guy who plays Gaston, *in character.*


Because not every space needs to be open to every person. People who wield their privilege and hide behind it need to be kicked the fuck out.


I am an economist. I am drunk. I have a project due in 6 hours. I am on reddit. I am you.


The one looks fully retarded.  The other...  10/10 would bang.
Edit: fully retarded


Also, how did the snow not melt over the fire??


Please dewnvote these horrible pun threads


But *my* family sent all politicians Baloney Sandwich Awards!


Didnt see Obama helping in the soup kitchen. The only sign of Obama was the number of people there looking for food since they cant get a freaking job!


This reminds me of the time the police came to our school for a demonstration of drugs dogs. They hid 10 bags of weed in the school. Dogs came back with 15.


You hear that? It's the sound of nobody caring that you are trying to shove your ex-girlfriend into the conversation.

EDIT: Wow, now I have to go and redeem this comment with a stupid ass pun, because that's all /r/funny cares about: jokes, puns, and apparently ex-girlfriends.


Meme changes to "bad ass"

Has ass-related health issues.


I wouldn't get too excited, he's not any good.


Nope, some porn girls vaginas are super tight.


Its been out for almost two months now right? So if it takes you a sixth of a year to watch 150minutes of a movie, its probably your fault.


Side note: If you let them wear a pair of your sweatpants, you no longer own those sweatpants.


I clearly stated that those are the questions we should be asking **going into the next split**. It helps not to jump to conclusions before reading the whole thing.


I love when people come up to me. Especially when I'm eating or in the middle of a movie. Just kidding. Actually, people are REALLY nice. I've been very fortunate. There's a secret - I can become invisible by just changing my posture. It's a trick I've learned when I want to get somewhere quick.


Sadly America's collective short term memory loss will have thus joke fly way over their heads.


Yes, the Fluttershy was a *bet*, let's go with that.


Whoa. I just watched this video too!


I find VLC the best because it has an audio compressor.

No more movies with people whispering then **MASSIVE FUCKING EXPLOSIONS**

Genius.


Any comment (including this one) can only be viewed as racist.


No, we know when you don't check in and get your boarding pass.


What a witty little comedian you are!


Apparently being right when the interviewer is wrong, even if you're not a jerk about it, is the wrong thing to do. Frankly sounds like it'd have been a shitty place to work.


Being a drug addict and a public official is awesome. He's setting such a great example for the youngsters in the community.  /s


At this point, Buzzfeed could write an article titled "You won't believe how many times redditors made the joke that we will repost their content!"


The ladies love the tickle of my neckbeard.


"sir i am going to have to ask you to put your clothes back on."


"hi there, i'm from Twitch, my name is a dick joke." but yes, <3 this event.


* didn't keep filming instead of helping.


Maybe any dude with a small dick.


BEST VACATION EVER!!!


You think women have it "unfair" in the west? Post examples.

Edit: Apparently women don't like having their victim status challenged, how unsurprising seeing as how the entirety of feminism rides on "women are always the victim" mentality.


He said with high hopes.


yeah and I've seen black people with user names like "nigga_wit_attitude" but I wouldn't ever call them nigga. It would be disrespectful.


Back in 2000, Bush or Gore was all the rage.


Because this is /r/gaming and I just don't give a shit. You never see any proper discourse happening here, it's just fanboys and "no u" comments. I'm only here because of that other post.

And while he may need braces, nothing excuses yellow teeth, seriously even once a day for 10 minutes.


Try not to look directly at your hole in the mirror. It's haunting.


Right, because the difference between "wive's" and "wives'" caused a HUGE lack of understanding. Get fucked, nerd.


I don't think that's what a hardcore gamer is. That's a teenager with an xbox.


Actually - if anything - it's gross over-reporting. 90000 rapes reported in US every year, very distant second is India with 4times the population and only 20000 reports.


Because you were nonspecific, you'll get upvotes from *both* sides of the debate!


EDIT:

Since this suddenly turned to the downvote side I just want to take the time to promote a Moive I am working on.

RAMPART! go see it thanks!


It's happened. I don't always know that it's happening. Sometimes people just stare because I don't wear bras and my nipples never defrost. I can't read minds.


aspergers = retardation


If you were a dude, this wouldn't have happened.


aso known as a GSP belly


Sounds like /r/BaguettesInButts might be perfect for you!


why do you assume it's a she? the homophobia on this site is fucking disgusting.


knock knock

Who's there?

spell.

Spell who?

W-H-O


Already a retcon?  How shocking.

If you're going to try to troll like this have something prepared before hand and *make sure it isn't shitty*.


MY GOD. I THINK I'M GAY.


Do you realize how elitist and condescending it makes liberals look when you repeat that Colbert quote in nearly every comment thread?

If you think an ideology has a monopoly on truth, you're crazy.

Downvoted for my opinion within 30 seconds. Of course. Only one ideology is allowed here.

*-sigh-* You people are assholes. Really. =/


2014 Ford Fiesta w/ roll-up windows.

EDIT: You guys all drive different models of cars that have different types of windows? Amazing!


psst get rid of the "The"

edit: jeez harsh.


Please use the politically correct term, "Mentallychallengis"


lol hes a dog he doesn't realise wha's going on beyond food , running and sleep


It diminished quickly?


i agree. this is retarded, not funny. how do you stop idiots from thinking they are funny?


After my friend got a new Gf all he fucking does is text her every second of his waking life. The dude lives with her in College, and only comes back to see us like 1 every few months but can't take the time to put his phone on fucking silent.

He turns into a complete Knob when he has a woman in his life.


diet=calorie deprivation. famine= shortage of food. calorie deprivation = restricting food. so even a temporary short term shortage of food can increase risk of type II diabetes. And some of these diets are pretty extreme too.


Not to mention the juicy gossip.


This photo gets me every time... She's standing in the opening of where a plane went through the building... Is able to stand on the metal and touch the side wall but we are expected to believe the fires in the building were hot enough to melt the steel cores of both building, concluding in free fall collapse. I'm just sayin...


Whether or not it scares you has no bearing on whether it is true.


thats his "WHAT IS THIS BOY?! YOU THINK IMA SLAVE BOY?! I'LL SLIT YOUR THROAT IN YOUR SLEEP BOY!! OOOOoooooooooooooo laser dot!!" face.


Like a gogurt, basically.

Edit: I enjoy the fact that the thousands of people who have seen this will think of dick the next time they eat Gogurt.


I hate doge, and will never refer to the amazing Shiba's as such. (BTW, if you ever hear someone speak of a Shiba Inu dog, pull their ear, since they're being redundant, as inu means dog in japanese.)


Say what you will about America, but we have the best goddamn hookers, roids freaks and mexicans in the world!


TIL McDonald's and Wikipedia are liars.

"McDonald's Corporation is the world's largest chain of hamburger fast food restaurants,"


ODD GROUPS got the Left.

EVEN GROUPS got the Right.

More DoTs!!!


I need this to be real.


Don't blame me, someone else blew them out.


I don't care? I'm correct. Lol.

It's like arguing with religious people.


Fapterburners already set to full thrust, no turning back now captain.


But then who was phone?

Edit: Whoops, sorry I offended the sensibilities of Reddit. I will not delete this comment, I will be going down with the ship.


Instead of asking for quarters now it simply says "Select Cycle"


I dig, I just sent you a few pics. Let me know if you like.


Because military planes have Kenny Loggins' Highway to the Dangerzone playing on loop through the intercom system...


I would hope god has bigger issues than to levy economic sanctions on one sinner.


Passenger here, we do the same thing.


Why is this the top comment? Why has no one apparently heard of physalis before? Every supermarket has them. They are delicious.


Sonic 2 was the best for this...

**"fine... you can play - but you can be tails"**

*"oka - wait I died can you wait for me... can you... hey can you... WAIT FOR ME?"*

**"I'm sonic, I wait for no-one"**

*"FINALLY I've managed to get back on the scree... HEY WAIT FOR ME"*

**"Sonic. Bitch"**


congragulations you win the most basic comment of the day award


"It didn't work the first time, so I tried again"


rekt. capping banksy is legend. +1000 points for kps.


Because I didn't realise tht people are so fussy with little things u say


oh that's fucking priceless.


As a Dig Dug Dude, I can pump this up.


I always make sure one part is extra dry.


Unfortunately, gifs aren't allowed in /r/adviceanimals so I reported it.

Edit to address concerns: Rule 6 infringement (link directly to image). OP thinks he's an OPster in control just because he's on the front page - but he's not; the rules are still in place.


>I have no idea how to respond without being emasculating or condescending...

Just hug and and don't say anything. That'll do.


> As *real* as your girlfriend's orgasms when I'm pounding her daily, nightly and ever so rightly


watchout for em waterfucks


Heard they were passing out free downvotes here, thought I'd pick mine up.


And that's exactly what she told them.

Since that conversation, she told me they have still continued to call.

Unbelievable


if /u/Yortek is right, the question you want to ask is 'what shemale go out by?'


Well, that got dark quickly.

Seriously though, this is going to be an unpopular thing to say but if you came out as strongly anti-war and could spin the incident as a pivotal moment in your life, it could play into your favor.  As cold as that sounds.  Story?


And what you see here is a comment that is hidden because you commented on a dick's hidden comment. xD


I have 3 one-way tickets on Southwest. Just trying to see if the two times out of Orlando work. The 6:25 tonight has availability. I do not mind giving them up for this cause.


Then don't intend to rape children?

* Christ alive, I forgot that Reddit basically supports pedophiles.


I can only imagine the look on the prof's face when they realize you didn't screw up after all.


Head On, apply directly to the forehead. Head On, apply directly to the forehead.


You play a negative amount of instruments? That takes talent


he makes $30k every event, stfu


Unless it's a mail plane.


I imagine the photog was so high on drugs he left his stuff.  Long time lurker, but made an account to login downvote and tell r/trees to lay off the drugs.


`RuntimeError: maximum humor depth exceeded`


as a console gamer, i like the fact that i'm the one catered to and not you pc fags. all the free updates in the world won't add up to how much money OP would have to spend to build an epic gaming pc so he can play some buggy, half-baked version of a console game. it's the economy, stupid faggots! ps3 > pc AND gaybox 360 (gaytendo need not even enter the conversation)


"dude nodded and I nodded" - Bro Code


18 points in 24 minutes? Aaaand the crowd goes wild.

Edit: wow... really? manirelli's got 200 points for 6 hours and I'm down here at -48 for pointing it out. Did I hurt your feelings?


Imagine finding that in the wedding photos.


Why? He gave a woman some coke and she went nuts, how is that his fault?


Seriously. I think that Leopard was like "dude, seriously? Right in front of my face? Alright..." Nom nom nom.


Sports have rules. Man's competitions are for men. Women's competitions are for women. This guy breaks the rules. So he's a cheater. Easy logic here.


What were his thoughts on "oopsy-daisy"?


**ATTENTION**

**ATTENTION**

If you take movies seriously, and you think spoilers hurt you emotionally, kill yourself.

**ATTENTION**

**ATTENTION**


Obviously she has never seen a Steam Sale.


Classic boring reddit, where the top comments are pointing out tiny errors in submission titles.  On the bright side, I bet it made your entire night to point it out!


"Ah, frog DNA, of course!"


I didn't say that you posted anything.

I said that you are trying to incite people.

You saw the post get removed and what it got removed for so you decided to post it here.

You know exactly what you are doing.


First they said Pluto was no longer a planet, now the Moon is a thingy. I can't keep up with this astronomy stuff.


You don't know a god damned thing about me. Because I dislike the one stupid thing you like, I'm no fun?! Jesus Christ, reddit's full of entitled assholes.


You're like one of them chicks outta that there Disney.  Commandin' all animals 'n' shit.


Yeah because fat-shaming is the best way to help someone you supposedly love, especially when they're obviously depressed..

God you're horrible.


Still needs a rap breakdown for that urban flair.


He was trying to be funny. He failed though but redditdrones will eat every shit they got served.


There are no pockets in a birthday suit.


Confessing to complete strangers and lying to your employer= owning it?


Lawyer reporting in. This would actually be hilarious to look into.


And so should Waumbach for raking the feet of our defender, slamming into our keeper repeatedly (morgan too) when it was clearly her ball.

You want to play hard fine, but don't complain when someone pushes back.


What the hell sort of class were you taking?


hype is not something you have after watching Kill La Kill. It's a mixture of confusion and excitement followed by awkward nudity!


Like leftovers from Dorsia.


As he should be.  Because anyone anti-legalization is a fucking retard.


(f °□°)f¬(°□°¬)(f °□°)f(f °□°)f

¬(°□°¬)(f °□°)f(°□°¬)¬(°□°¬)

Cause this is THRILLER


the american desire for fame is unmatched


Kleinbl00 is a troll who went on an extended down-mod campaign that lasted until my karma was about minus 1,000. He's a troll with nothing better to do


Nah the trick is to turn all those negative feelings inwards onto yourself, feels those waves of anger and fury wash over you, and then ultimately collapse into a hard diamond of self loathing that rests heavily in the pit of your stomach.


You should listen to this guy. He legitimately reads every single post so he can somehow get karma from it.

Also, shut up Apostolate.


Your username is also very uplifting.


your life sucks so much that you have announce every time you laugh?


On the first view I hoped the mannequin's head would slowly slide off the torso as he walked away.


I went to return an xbox controller with the "good ol' buy and replace the broken one in the new packaging" trick. I fucking hate walmart.

Edit/ Don't take this the wrong way, I lost my reciept. Seriously, when do controllers break? Almost never, thats why I didn't keep the packaging or reciept.

Haters gon' hate...


There is no The One. Some work out better than others, and we round that up to The One.

Edit: Here is what Dan Savage says on this (worth the whole 2 minutes): [there is no The One](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csCozsjPrhg)


this needs more upvotes.


The answer is Blue by Eiffel 65.


> Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.


I kept thinking that it would stop but she kept on going.


Woe is me.  Pity me every1. Post your emo shit somewhere else.

You used the retarded "forever alone" meme so many fags use.
Die that way, moron.  Enjoy your loneliness.


>My parents didn't have any children.

&#3232;\_&#3232;

Edit: DOWNVOTED? That's the last time I ever &#3232;\_&#3232;.


*QUICK*  What do you do if they say yes?? And then proceed to cry on your shoulder?!?!


I generally refuse to drink American "beer". Calling the majority of it piss water would probably get me sued by the piss water manufacturers of America.


First of all, let me just say, that this is probably one of the weirdest things that's ever happened to me... seeing yourself as the opposite sex is both frightening and... well... no it's just frightening.

I haven't met him, yet! YET. I definitely, definitely want to.


If you think this is bullying, then you haven't seen bullying, cunt.


They didn't want to offend other countries.


Attention-slut for the win.


Typical, we have a girl doing amazing things and all people can talk about is her looks... disgusting.


bad analogy and you know it.

The internet is mostly used for watching porn, youtube and facebook - for the most part nothing useful - especially all the things that actually need faster speed internet to work. Stop pretending you want NBN for businesses and shit when we all know we really just want it for better ping and pirating shit faster.


IF YOU AIN'T GETTIN STABBED, GET DA FUCK OUT DA CLUB.


i lol'd. you're in a documentary, but you can't offer any public proof? well, i'm convinced.

>The lady doth protest too much, methinks.


Have the black version of Gran Torino.

*points bushmaster at thugs*

 "I was in Iraq nigga! Them Iraqi niggas hide in the sand and bushes.  You just on my lawn nigga."


Shhh.... You are interrupting the "Wilt-was-only-good-because-white-people" circle jerk


If i raise my hand, i'll lose my place


he's honestly not that great. his opponents just go on tilt because theyre afraid of his reputation from this stupid circle jerk. if his opponents played as well as they usually did, they'd dominate. thats why they should just have anonymous rounds. no one would be able to tell which is faker because genuinely hes not really all that amazing.


That same story from the perspective of the potato.  Please don't ask.


This is one of the most ignorant things I've ever seen.


How did Hitler tie his shoesies?
In little knotsies!

(say it out loud)


Looks more like it comes right out of r/jailbait.

You're absolutely right, though.


Sounds like your economics teacher has a sense of humor... ;)


This isn't a joke, it's slander. VAC bans are taken extremely seriously in this scene and it's not something anyone in a position of power should ever make "jokes" about. This was 100% a fireable offense, hopefully the guy learns a valuable lesson from this experience.


False. Girls are little spoons with their backs to us and jet packs when our back is to them.

It's also better with whooshing sfx. ಠ_ಠ


GG is a misogynistic hate group. There's no denying it.


I think you're full of crap.


GAGA MAMY why DADA PUT his SnakE ON My VAGINIA!!!! GOO GAH goo I wana pwuay owieee!!!!!!!


'Oh jesus....I hope nobody saw that.'


I would. But that's because I'm an asshole.


This is my thread, get out.


Let's try it.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Crying is a big part.


That's entirely ass-backwards.

You want someone to cave in under pressure to demonstrate fitness for serving as President?

Not bowing to Reid and the pitchfork mob of amateur tax and securities lawyers IS withstanding scrutiny.

edit: Oh noes. I'll see you downvoters in hell. When you get there, feel free to join me and Mitt for a delicious Chick-fil-a sandwich. Bwahahaha...........


charge your phone you pillock


FUCK THE LAW,  THEY CAN EAT MY DICK THAT'S WORD TO PIMP


Well instead of wishing, learn some physics and mathematics. The cube can't accelerate to infinite speeds because it will break special relativity. If you had realized that, you would see that such a gun cannot exist by contradiction.


God. Calm down loser. I know you feel all emotional right now but you'll forget all about this and life will go on as usual, meaningless for you.


No. It's karaoke.

kara = empty
oke = "orchestra"


I used to give it a few more years, but then I took an arrow in the knee.


THey're all famous, like really famous, I'm not as famous.  We don't roll in the same circles.  THe good news is I like them all and I think they like me.  When we do see each other it's love.


And I third this.

Yours Truly (no homo),

-Jokes_From_9GAG


I think I get it... they're assholes.


Maybe...  Still, $20K raised for charity was at stake.  I wasn't going to take any chances.     Sensationalism and headlines, you know how it goes.    Plus, it was soooo Karma worthy.


Yeah?  Ever see pictures of Iran a few decades ago?  That's what happens when those that pervert the words of a holy text become the leaders of a country.


My ass. Stop making up excuses. You should not be able to fucking hear shit all except for your own team mates.


>  uggs with a skirt.

Clearly a monster, you did the right thing.


Not exactly what this sub's for man.


Although.... If they understood the concept of the Hunger Games, it shouldn't have been that much of a surprise.


Is that considered prestigious or something, to reddit?

I'll never understand reddit's love for Harry Potter. Before Twilight came along, Harry Potter was filling its role, and the 14 year olds were lapping it up.


I dunno, spelling is too good.


lol, the irony of a retard being named after carl sagan


that escalated quickly.


Probably "let it go, life's too short. Also you don't have a real legal grievance."


best porno scene intro


I'd have to call it reginal terminology at best becuase no one I know has ever used the term in that context. We actually usually go into specific countries when talking or just sum it up by saying europe.


Dogs are not capable of that kind of thinking. They are just lying where they are most comfortable. The room was probably too warm and tile was probably nice and cool.


But... sight tests are free for under 16's under NHS opticians. Surely she could at least have gotten it checked.


The fuck does it matter? I don't give a fuck if I get upvotes or downvotes, neither should you.

And stalking someone's comment history is fucking creepy, nerd.


The ghost moved your mouse.


Close enough, bro. You earned your karma.


...and in their lungs.


Players use rosin on their bow hair so it can grip the strings and make them speak, or vibrate clearly.


That's not slimey, you put the work in. Most lecturers encourage people to look at the recommended text if they want to do well. You didn't cheat, you studied.


I used to recognize Wiki pictures, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


If she didn't rage at you after that, you dodged a bullet.


I wish I could have dates like that.  You know, with a girl.


you're. it's. Also, which NPC in GTA has *not* had a minigun pointed at them on a regular basis?


> The volume of the song will be increased 5 decibels an hour.

A 120 dB increase in volume?  A normal conversation is about 60 dB.  A 12-gauge shotgun blast is 165 dB.  At 194 dB, the air stops acting like a sound wave and starts acting like a shock wave.

This kills the human.


Le me used to add le woopwoopwoop, then le me took le arrow to le knee! #leLOL!


Please tell me you replied: "not that I know of".


I got carried away? Sir/Maddame a woman jumped out of a window killing herself because a man who threw acid on her face was acquitted leaving her with a scarred face and no life to live.

Perhaps I got passionate but heck if there is one time I can do so justifiably - this seems to be the right time.


This is why we screencap and upload to imgur!


Sure you can. Are they African? Probably have SCA.


I actually wouldn't be surprised if they are making money per plate at that price. I better get filet mignon, lobster and a bottle of wine between my +1 and I for that price.


You impotent hippies are funny. There is lots of big talk here about murdering rich people for being rich, taking away fundamental freedoms, crushing dissent and installing yourselves as dictators over humanity every day. Do you really think everyone is just going to take that lying down without resistance?


Mine's video game related as well. In Battlefield 3 I loved burning motherfuckers with the blowtorch. I'm top 100 (at least, haven't checked in a while, I peaked at #10) in repair tool kills.


I smoked a bowl before posting and I don't care if people judge me for smoking and your assumption of it being about being pretty is ill-informed. His bong deserved the upvotes but if a guy did the same thing (posted a post that was just posted) he would be downvoted to oblivion. We could always use constructive "hate"


try to steal a car and there's a Bengal in the passenger seat


Why do you care if they are insensitive ? That's pants on head retarded.


Sex dolls are the same way, but you have to spend it because they're pointless without the holes in them.


probably the one where Walt blows up Gus  < < < MASSIVE SPOILERS


(I showed him a photo and told him he is the Republican nominee for President)

I think I really....love....him. He's a President.


>This is not a place for straight cis men

Thank you for this. I really wish they'd understand that their needs are fucking incredibly secondary to everybody else here.


Never judge a douche by its bag


It's still not a "civil rights group" as white straight men already control everything and are not persecuted/discriminated against for being men.


Doesn't speak to highly of your size if you fit in there.


>out of a good conscience to the point of lying about cancer

I don't get this part. Who did I hurt by lying about cancer. Name one person I hurt. Physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially. Go ahead, name one.


I know if your property has special hazards, you're legally required to disclose them to potential trespassers, but come on. What would this sign read?

WARNING: PHYSICS


Imma call bullshit on this "seen it all many many times."  I watched the entire show of TNG two summers ago and it took me a whole goddamn month of 8hours of tng a day to get through the show.  Now add in all the other shows, many many times over and youve got youself a BULLSHIT!


I saw it as the girl was abused as a child and now has intimacy issues (meaning she whores herself out)


...No.  He is allowed to want what he wants.  Granted the way he's gone about it isn't productive.  There's nothing wrong with wanting anal more than twice a year.


I would have to say Pearl Harbor was the most shocking.


Are you implying that being gay is wrong?


I am honored.

Brb, going to let the rest of the internet know.


You suck at story telling.


I just can't understand what kind of parent would think this kind of crap is okay.


I mean, I know this may be an unusual amount of sharing with your own parents, but I don't think it's unheard of to be THAT open with your parents.  No?


Some more empty than others


downmodded for not using paragraphs


You have such a beautiful way with words


While I'm struggling to pay my 500 euros rent every month, this motherfucker just stumbled upon a few millions.

ALTHOUGH, I prefer struggling with honor than being that filthy motherfucker, but damn that's frustrating.


I cant believe we are about to send dog shit to the front page.


Dammit! I cant believe i missed the Karmapocalypse! I always miss the fun stuff


Troll dad at his finest!


Sure beats Wrath of the Bitch King

Edit oh Come On, it's Funny<>_<>


But was it left shark or right shark?


Came her to say this.


With my luck, I'd somehow cut the underside of my fingernail and contract a rare paint disease.


I'm not jealous, I have that ability too. Your personality disorder is actually quite a kick. Why else do you think I'd be hitting the hornet's nest with a baseball bat?


Make it robot pigs for added effect.


I think you meant blood..


I'm really lucky, every deck of cards I have ever bought seemed to be in the same order!  Time to buy some lotto tickets!


FUCK YOU REDDIT SCORING A PERFECT 0 TAKES NO INTELLECT TAKE A FUCKING BREAK FROM YOUR COMPUTER MONITOR BECAUSE IT IS OBVIOUSLY BLINDING YOU AND PREVENTING YOU FROM UNDERSTANDING EVEN THE MOST SIMPLE LOGIC.

VOTE DOWN IF YOU AGREE


You should adopt me, then we can game together. I'll be a cool stepson, I *proooooommmiiisssee* :)


**[𝔜𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔡𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔥 𝔦𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔢 𝔬𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔪𝔬𝔯𝔯𝔬𝔴.](http://imgur.com/Bc2nc)**


That is a cool as fuck dude right there


I'm not a typical 15 year old, my entire life is occupied by various internet shenanigans that would leave me with no time to masturbate even if I wanted to.

I'm hardly even attracted to women.  I mean, I'm not attracted to men, but my standards for women are so disgustingly high, I would never find porn for my liking if I wanted to.


Anyone who says "I know I'm going to get downvoted for this..." gets a downvote.

>I know I'm going to get downvoted for this...

States obviously liked opinion.

>"Its my cakeday...."

As a mod of /r/pics and /r/funny, those both get deleted and then I get bitched at.


Kek bet the other guy was fat, can anyone confirm? ?


Probably for the same reason I stayed with my ex for as long as I did.... I got comfortable with the relationship and the sex.  And as much as I didn't really care for her anymore, and as much of an asshole as it made me, I just couldn't bring myself to break it off.


I used to think she was so pretty!, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


Kimmel invents AMA jeopardy


What a ridiculous statement, have you ever seen the man play?


Because from the xbox you can shoot all the aliens and the noble teams. You can play 4 noble teams to shoot all of the aliens. And, that means yes. And we buy a spiderman from the game store. And we saw Halo 4 toy. And we will buy that for christmas. Ok.

(he really just wanted to talk about Halo)


A Few Good Men. At least cite it. Can't stop laughing. You really are a [Beamish Boy!](http://imgur.com/gallery/zSPuWvh)


Hand-shoes. One of my favorites.


Maybe he was just trying to make sure you weren't a whore.

Even if he was saying he was wary of guys' attention, really he was worried about what a whore you are.

So don't be a whore.


"I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member."
Groucho Marx


haha dead niggers make me smile


Since new traditions is the norm, I'd rudely decline to attend. Just to keep it fresh.


Are you fucking kidding me?? I hope and pray they come home safe but first they need to get the job done first. Do you know if we leave Afghanistan the middle easterners are going to fill up the vacuum in there. Iranians are already threaten to take over western interests.

Edit: Getting down voted for telling the fucking right thing, unbelievable.


Congrats on the sex though


Thank you for not putting using 2 "a"s. It really bothers me when people use this joke without spelling it correctly.


Alternatively, "Smart people learn from others' mistakes."


He shouldn't have had to either way. It cost the taxpayers nothing additional out of pocket. The good majority of people whining about this don't even pay taxes to NJ, so why do they care?


I think we are at that point in time that if you haven't seen Arrested Development, fuck you.

Obviously this excludes those in North Korea and those without internet etc.


He just needed more iron, man.


In europe:

Stop and go to a motel.

In Nort America:

Bang! Bang!

That photo was clearly taken in europe because policie haven't his gun in the hand and the couple still breath.


You should have been more civilized and used a Cumbox


What in the name of fuck are you dreaming about? Or as they say on the rainy rock- WOT U ON ABOUT THEN?
http://greensboring.com/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=9234


I did better. I changed the netflix password AND took the WiFi router.


No consequences, I have everything I need thanks to my doctor. I do not use public transport, but if you didn't have to get off the bus for me you'd have to get off for someone else with a legitimate disability anyways.


See, this kind of comment is the reason I check the comments before clicking a NSFL link


if it really is "SO LOUD er ma gerrrrrrr", put on some music.

math is hard.


Yes but he's barely walken yet


LOOOOOOOOOOL GOOD JOKE BRO LOLLLLLL SIRRRRRRR


I like the idea of fit cops, but why a height requirement? I know a pretty short US Marine that can whoop just about anyone's ass.


a slutty duckfaced whore


ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY


Some of us think murder is wrong. I'd say that's a pretty logical point. It's really not that complicated, and I have yet to hear anyone present a clear argument to the contrary.

Just because someone was raped doesn't mean that it is right to kill an unborn baby. How two wrongs are supposed to make a right here is something that I have never understood.


You sound like my wife


i can't have a discussion with an FAQ


He likes to "chase" it. I wish i were making it up. God do I wish I was making that up.


I know what **they** mean.   **Webster and I** mean they're wrong.


It's amazing what sepia tone can do


Ah for... Hey maybe he didn't! What the hell do you know about it? Nothing! 'He knew' and you don't even know who the fuck you're talking about ergh... that is such a retarded thing to say. I can't even describe how disgusted with Reddit it makes me to see this type of crap upvoted.


No. It is I. Give me my much deserved karma!


oh wow your came to hate on me more then once i feel special you must really love all that butt fucking you and downey do to post here twice you silly faggot


Test death please revive.


I don't deny PIXAR's skills here, I know the characters and the film will be good. It's just that I personally am getting tired of 'stong-woman-surrounded-by-retarded-men' stories.

It's everywhere. I'm glad women characters get a chance to be strong, but come on, it's been done to death.


My favorite bit:

"It really is a parallel between crying and the orgasm. When you get close and you don't achieve it, it's really hard to get back there."

"I always associated the sneeze with the orgasm."

"All three necessitate the use of tissue paper..."


I have a question about your virginity, particularly, is it so massive as to be seen from space?


More like she was on *your* mushroom....


And it's quicker not to belittle someone's career.

/theater tech major

Edit: Apparently people are viewing me as crotchety. I'm not attacking HyperspaceHero, I'm just tired of being asked what my backup plan is. Seriously, All I'm asking is just a little bit of respect for the hard work that goes into the arts.


Tech support for CSI.


I'm pretty sure it's *downtown* abbey.................

edit maybe it's down tons of abbey


If it makes you feel any better there was a redditor a while back who thought the same thing until he posted it on reddit and everyone laughed at him.


you are a fucking freak. people like you should be euthanized immediately if not sooner. tranny ppl FREAK ME OUT!!!!


*falls out of sky*

okay

*survives but is injured*

okay

*walks out of the Amazon*

okay

*no shoes*

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA


No, this is the thread to circlejerk and tell me to die in response to me teaching people how to be self-sufficient on the internet. You haven't got the memo?


They get confused when you give them a new toy but try to call it the old toy's name. I feel like shit when I accidentally tell my dog "Go get your tiger" and he runs around looking for "tiger" which we put in the trash months ago.

The new tiger is named "stripey" *don't you forget it*.


pics or it didn't happen.


I was skeptical for about 2-3 years, but I've recently learned that Spotify Premium is worth the $10/month.


why do you assume he stole it? he could have simply asked the cop to borrow it for a ride.


5/5. Would read again.


Unrelated post. You have been reported.


Karma is **valueless**.


The most yuppie fight in existence.


Life is Strange...it's not worth playing


"8 Ball, corner pocket"


Please stop using the word toned


<lol> ginger snaps </lol>

**EDIT** Added the tags.


Or you can be a dick about that, that's also possible...


AND YET YOU COMMENTED ON THE TOP COMMENT?

EDIT: SHIT!


you are embarrassingly pathetic.


Put on your shirt and bloat?


Omg this may turn out to be an Incest AMA in 9 more years?!

*skip 9 years*

SingleDad32 - I've raised my daughter since I was 14 & we fell in love when she was 16, AMA!

 Me gusta


Maybe it's a majority/minority thing, so it'll vary based on who you are.  I've never had an instant connection like that just based on ethnicity in the US, but I have had one being a southerner in New York City.


nope. not the dog. always the owner.


have fun with the 49 karma dude.


Some times it just [slips](http://www.football-banter.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/gerrard-slip.gif) by.


he was right, it was funny


**Anyone else replying to this comment with anything unrelated to the art will be banned.**

From our [rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/redditgetsdrawn/wiki/index):
>Any off-topic comments that are not related to the artwork are not permitted


Keep your friends close, and your enemies in you.


9 times out of ten we kick the ever living shit out of you in the SB and somehow you still weaseled that 1/10. So congrats... I guess. Cheaters.


10 years from now OP leaves baby on the roof of the car.


What is wrong?  It is a common fantasy among F2M trans that I have known.


Doesn't matter; saw boobs


Nope, she did not need ot be slapped - she needs an Obamaphone to get her man some powder.


It's almost as if...they are people too!!


WD-40 is actually a cleaner, not a lubricant.  That squeak will more than likely return much louder very soon.


Its been my standard since high school.


~Listen, kid. I think you'd be more comfortable over at that place.

~Weenie Hut Jr's?!?!?!?!?!


I am aware of the private entities vs government arguements. But I still would like the empoyer to bite the bullet and let him keep his job but publicy say how much he disagrees with him but will fight for his right to think and say them and keep his job and he endorses his freedom of speech but not the contents. And yes even though of course he doesn't have to.


"Fuck off" would have been a boss response, although hopefully you're not put in that position again.


I look as for me I don't care if u like something going in ur ass but the rest of us don't want children or any of us exposed and made to think
It's ok to see another mans penis. Point simple cover that shit up gays can be gays as long as you do that gay shit around your group an next try before you guys think if flashing your wieners be considerate of the rest of us.


I get 1 2 3...fuck it window with curtains.


lol it's funny because in America he'd be tried (read: beaten, killed and posthumously framed) as a cop killer to cover up police incompetence


To all wondering, The "Bloods" are a street gang that wear red. In California, most areas are prominently Crip territory (they wear blue). The Crips and Bloods are rival gangs. He was fixin' to get an ass beating.


damn, this is what happens when boys dads are at work all day and they're raised entirely by their mothers, being little pussies growing up and getting IT jobs and marrying insane chicks because it's all they could get.


I bet it'll get less awkward once you stop sleeping in their bed.


Is it that hard to get a decent computer these days? Wow I didn't know.. I just got on something called the Internet and shopped around..
Look. My first comment was just to the people mentioning lag in the games the play. Easy fix, get a pc, mod some shit.. I'm not even a tech guy and I got it figured out in a day.
I will never understand the anger from random people on reddit.


He changed a few of my most used contact numbers in my cell phone to sex line numbers. I guess it was kind of funny.


I have pretty Asian hair, Jelly?


Karma police arrest this man


If you are a faggot or a chick


I second this motion.


Nope. Us YouTube folk only get a small ration of sarcastic wit every month and we can't just use it all up making dismissive comments to our detractors on reddit.


God the TLDR just wrapped it up so beautifully.


Right, but how much did it fuck up the lives of the 11 men she falsely accused?


Whale biologist here.

Listen to this man, I have shit to say on the subject.

Oh, wait, uh..... that heart is very small for a whale.

I'm done.


Sounds more like horrible negotiation skills.


This is how I picture you:
http://i.imgur.com/YZKmv.jpg


I can tell you that the leadership of this subreddit disagrees with you.

I never need to figure out how my body reacts to cheats. Know why? Cause I don't poison myself.


Woah, the same Ranjit that liberated an African tribe from the clutches of a child pirate organization using an old pair of pliers, a coil of rope, and a flare gun? I love that guy. If you get a hold of him, tell him that Tom still owes him a beer.


Heaven forbid someone has a dissenting opinion on the internet. The woman is the pinnacle of everything wrong with money, influence and birthright. Bring on the plane crash that ends the entire royal family.


I'm honestly surprised K-Mart still exists. All of the ones I've been in always feel trashy...and yellow.


You know that Swedish chicks come to Israel in search of cock? Cause the swedes have really tiny dicks. All they're good for is expressing their puny indignation on the internets.


She plugged it into her PC. PC = Pancreatic Cancer. Steve Jobs died from Pancreatic cancer. Steve Jobs is the CEO of Apple. Apple makes ipods. Her ipod got infected when it was plugged in her computer. /r/woahdude


damn it! nothing else follows! I missed the karma train T_T


This made me laugh with such a force that I snotted.


Jesus christ. It seems like everybody on Reddit are horrible parents who ant even keep a bay alive longer than a few months
 lol


Everyone hates teenagers, and especially tweens.


BZZZT.  one star.  Not very funny

Oh here's one - what do they call redditors with lame-ass jokes?

fagtards


i was the most popular kid in the unpopular group


I wonder how many teachers we could hire and roads we could build for **le** price of one of those carriers.


Why stop with Le Monde, *every* newspaper in Europe. This is an attack on free speech.


Horrible painting, please do NOT ever paint again, thank you in advance.


I'm glad you cleared that up. I came here with the intention of telling you you're a shitty tipper.


You've never played ball in the middle of the street?  I feel bad for you sheltered suburban kids. I really do. And no, I don't have to wear my seatbelt if I don't want to; they're uncomfortable and I'm a sovereign citizen.


Wow, they must be hairy if you still can't find her


I'm not condoning it. he's wrong for punching someone for minimal provocation. but the fact that it's a women he punched shouldn't make a difference. but white knights will come along and go "OMG YOU HIT A WOMENZ IM GONNA KILL YOU"


GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!


Is this the Warlizard from the Warlizard gaming forums? I think we might each other.

edit: niggers


Some would even say it's symbiotic.


**[I don't quite agree.](http://i.imgur.com/ZVHt0.jpg)**


I think this was the premise to 127 Hours.


You've had 13 years to get used to Nana, dude.


Sex on shrooms... the vagina turns into some weird cultural phenomenon, not an actual organ but a concept. I fucked a concept.


but he is my dream boy. so maybe that sounds a bit selfish but i'm rather staying with my dream boy even if i'm not his dream girl that looking for someone who thinks that I'm his dream girl... I've been looking for someone like him for so long


Why does Obama refuse to release his XBox Live Gamerscore? THE PEOPLE HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW IF OBAMA IS NOOB OR L33T!


This makes no coherent sense at all. It relates to nothing in this post but my friend, What a damn fine post you have made. you have made my day. props


Also, if Obama did that and then didn't pardon you, then he's being a total prick.


Haha I hate /r/atheism too! AMIRITE?

KARMA PLS


No she should be charged for inciting violence.

The woman had a Rand Paul wig and a KKK robe on, those men were making a citizens arrest.

Here is a video of hundreds of crazed terrorist faggots that brutally beat a Christian girl for singing Amazing Grace.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrRxFoBSPng


I almost beat you to it. I almost beat Apostolate. This time, I was a post too late.


Why is this getting upvotes, it literally doesn't contribute.


> you better believe that a threesome with two redhead twins is something I'd never pass up.

[O rly?](http://www.raising-redheads.com/images/James-Oliver-Phelps.jpg)


Jesus Christ it's not a fucking big deal. He'll show up in another episode and if he did die then you'll see Laurel crying or something. Chill the fuck out you moron the show is called Arrow not Wildcat.


My wife pushes my buttons by leaving notes like this:

    "Live long, and prosper, young Jedi"
    -Dumbledoor


Though, if you can still fuck her, it's not that bad. Why not want an open relationship, if men are polygamous anyway?


I think it was so when people would jerk off to images on each other's legs, it would make the person with the nude tattoo feel attractive


Painless and trauma free for who?  Your ex, or the kid whose limbs were ripped from its body because mommy and daddy thought it might be an "inconvenience" to them?


Coldplay is a great band. Also, Jesus loves you.


>And if you thought female was dehumanizing...

lol wat

we are all animals. we are all robots.
I HAVE NO REGRETS


That woman never even had a son. What she did have was a long record of sexual offenses.

EDIT: Thanks for the gilding anonymous stranger!


"Women" Are they not female?


I'm the fissile isotope, I'll hit you like a missile. You won't even see it coming it'll look like a dismissal. Talking about burnups? Fool, you ain't even gonna show up.


For people who don't like being talked down to, you all sure are liberal with mockery and disdain. Case in point with OP's heavily upvoted response to me.

What's more patronising than a crafted one-word response which says 'Look, I know you're trying very hard to talk with the big kids, but this is just not something that the likes of you can grasp- being a man...'


The bitch should face 35 years.


Almost halfway there!


Wait a second, if you rearrange the letters in **Z A C H B R A F F**, you get.......**I L O V E M I T T R O M N E Y**.

I've cracked the code people!


Yeah, unlike the English, Spanish, etc with the Native Americans and Africans. Those people must have been complete saints!


>i think she
sunglasses
>     over exsposed.
[Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh](http://yeahbutton.com/)


Someone gave you gold so you wouldn't think they're racist.


This is not pointing out sexism. This is him pointing out himself pointing out sexism, if you can't tell the difference you are not very perceptive.


Dayum^**dayum**^***DAYUM***


why would somebody downvote that, i lol'd


"I’m fairly sure if they took porn off the internet, there’d only be one website left, and it’d be called Bring back the porn!” - Dr. Perry Cox


Sorry your dad beats you


what if you peep through the hole and somebody drills your eye?
thatd be cool


That means I do not know why I am typing at this moment as rengar as a champion is.. not worth my time.
especialy when people start making up stuff.


oh holy fuck...., i want whatever it is youre drinking.


Our core principle is that we want the traditional ethnic British to remain the majority in this country. Most other countries in the world have similar principles for their people. For example, Nelson Mandela and the ANC's rallying call was "Africa belongs to us!". They were talking about the traditional ethnic African. Was that racist?


If we're being upvoted just for being British can I get in on that? Cheers old chap


> If in order to kill the enemy you have to kill an innocent, don’t take the shot. Don’t create more enemies than you take out by some immoral act.

Given the actions of the US military in the last 10 years, this quote is pathetic. Clearly no one actually gives a shit about creating more enemies.


Ahhh, the bumbling American tourist. One of my favorite creatures.


Yeah.. I wonder what smart ass came up with it. *looks at redditor above him*


must be terrible to be at risk of sex


ERMAHGERD, PERNERT BERTER


On the plus side they can look forward to an excellent uptick in black market activity and related crime.


Like I said, some men are perfectly happy being Erica.  I'm not here to rain on your parade.  I was just pointing out that some men don't want to be Erica.


Glue asshair on your face.


I am not excited at all.  All I see is totes magotes

Edit: fuck me for having an opinion


It's a job at another company, so she no longer works here. You'd have to be a dumb motherfucker to get caught banging an intern. That's how they got Bill Clinton and he wasn't even full on banging! I'm not going out like that.


Gosu Pepper 1#, Everyone else 2#.


I think this is the first one in this thread I haven't heard before. Have an upvote and thanks for the laugh.


Yes and no, she is far from an outstanding character. She has maybe...5 memorable lines int he entire series


Or you could just shoot the laptop out in a field.


Such as? I obviously cant post legal documents.


When will the present stop being the past?


Heathen, he is. I don't understand why atheists can't just leave us alone!!!! Respect religions ALLAH is the one and only!!!1!!!11one!


I, for one, will welcome our *fabulous* overlords.


Glad to have been of service.


You sick fuck, he's only 29!

Edit: huh..? what's glided...wait  what's happening to my body.. wha... ahhhhhh!!!


I hate this subreddit.


No.

directed by M Night Shymashaolin


You sound like a delicate princess.


They actually do, but they're no use because you just slide around in the trail of wet pussy they leave behind


>LGBT is a "feminist subreddit?"

Since its inception. The LGBT struggle is a feminist one. All the issues men face because of being a GSM is because of patriarchy and the gender roles it attempts to enforce on all of us. Smashing the patriarchy is absolutely part of GSM liberation. :)


You had to make a throwaway to say that you like Taylor Swift and banged your wife? Be proud of that, man.


What "rest" are you talking about?  This is the only one I found.


My uncle was in England during the war, a girl asked a policeman to come knock her up at 8 am tomorrow.

Meaning, to knock on her door and wake her up.

At least that's what he assumed.


If I could upboat you 2x I'd do it.


But she ain't messin with no broke...*looks over shoulder* ni...mumble...


You just made this account less than 5 minutes ago.


ohhhh yeaaaaahhh cream of the crop!


I was raised to not conform to society. Because falling in line is just a way to be led to the slaughter.


My roommate used to turn off our heater before inviting girls over.


Phoney who would almost certainly whoop your ass if you were in a cage together.

Just saying, he might be disingenuous, but that doesn't take away from his dominance in the octagon.


Escapes island ~~in tact~~ intact, comes home to resume life, but then chokes to death while eating a box of chocolates

edit: spelling


Liberals take every opportunity to downplay the importance of guns and the power they have unless they want to ban them.


I'm actually completely confident that the majority of Americans have no idea they even exist. Seems every time I ever mention this to people, they are either very surprised to hear about it for the first time or don't even believe me.


> I believe in civil gay marriage

You shouldn't.  Institutionalizing sin is wrong.


Well, sometimes, I care *too* much.


you'll look the fool for not knowing that it's bullshit... there are no whitesmiths


GET THE WATER NIGGA

[Link](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_TWHOxWsqE)


I agree.

(It was worth the downvotes)


I mean, who's to say cross dressers can't have a German Shephard.


You should take the hint.


Phil was a pal of mine from the Groundlings improv group in L.A. I saw him the night before he died. It was a tragedy. Horrible.  Phil's voice is pretty distinctive. Hard to replace. Easy to make new characters so, we just let it go.  (I created Lionel Hutz)


Used to be able to do this. Then had a surgery on my chest and lost a lot of flexibility. Wtf is the matter with you that you would actually stick your dick in your own mouth? I had the ability to but never did. That's just kinda sick and disgusting.


I've gone a full hour looking for good porn on more than one occasion. Webcam shows have made me very patient when it comes to what I do or do not choose to masturbate to.


A sarcasm tag doesn't make your shitty joke okay to say to a complete stranger.


do not fuck with dickwhistle


i see the problems with the costume, and i see the problems with many of the objections to it. as is par for the course on reddit, im disappointed with everyone involved.


"Eat shit and die."

"Your face, your ass - what's the difference?"


No boobs and cellulite thighs is no way to go through life, maam. And that makeup job is horrid. She should shoot the guy who dolled her up like a tree-dolla ho.


...or just say "and then he stabbed her"


this stupid comment proves you are so full of shit


Holy shit, Seth Rogan? That's amazing.


xcept thats baloney. if he was P!NK then he would have pink hair wouldn't he


Asking "when does the narwhal bacon is the way to find other redditors. If you're a redditor a don't Know that, then get the hell out of fffffuuuuuuuuu


I literally just saw that go from 4 upvotes to 356 upvotes in 2 minutes. Oh Reddit.


These hurt more than you think...


You sunk my battle-shit!


"Using an acronym without spelling it out first makes you come off as an arrogant prick." - E.B. White, *The Elements of Style*


Everyone knows four is too many.


to be honest i would probably use the same vocabulary if they put me together with sub30 baddies who may or may not be 800 elo smurfs.


I feel... thin... sort of.... stretched.... like one book spread over three movies


Fuck anyone who would give money to something as frivolous as this when they could be contributing to scholarships.


Have you tried turning off then on again?


TANK YOU MISTOWL!!!! GOO GOO!


Often, stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason.


Yeah, I get that. But why did you go all religious about it? This is /r/wow, if you should be thanking anyone it's the community for complaining and the devs for listening.


Not mutually exclusive.  I like my Big Macs with bullet holes in them, they taste like freedom.


stupid fucking faggot hippie cockchuggers. you dumbfuck reddiTARDS can't even figure out that the video is not even supposed to be about WI.. hahahah suck down another gallon of jizz you faggot hippys.. lol


The massive redesign they did in 2012 was complete bullshit and ruined the whole experience. They tried way too hard to be like all the other trendy social media sites.


Where does it show that it's okay if the man does it?  It doesn't.


God gave you a second chance and you wasted it.


what else did he do apart from those two goals? Also you gotta look beyond one game to understand why his form has been just as bad as the others


3...2...1...HONOR KILLING...

"I am Practicing Muslim & Egyptian"

This is where you lost me because no sane person could be either of those things there is nothing good about it and I wouldn't go around bragging about being a sandnigger/schizoidal fantasist.

You stupid goat fucker.


"If you're calling from a rotary phone."

WHO THE HELL STILL HAS A ROTARY PHONE??

EDIT: Well you guys sure showed me.


Yes, yes he did say that.


Well, hold up, that is a pretty fantastic metaphor for shattered innocence/a broken childhood.  Maybe she's a literary genius?


umm, yeah? Since my potential mates are all female, gettin shitty wit da boys is not a priority. Buying your drinks so we can be friends? fuck that, I dont need friends like that.

 On the other hand, I wouldnt bitch about being broke. And I'd probably buy you one drink. And I wouldnt pay 125 for an HJ. thats steep.


no response in twenty minutes.....SHE DID , LADIES AND GENTLEMEN A WINNING TACTIC


This irks me.

Nobody asked u.


I suspect you were the last person ever to see it.


of course, she did *relieve* herself.


I've always heard it as

 <setup about infinite mathematicians and fractions>

The barman pours two beers and says 'hey, you guys ought to know your limits'.


I know, the point is since your family friend adopted your kittens, they won't be adopting from the shelter.

Which means the shelter has 4 more cats now than it would have had if your cat hadn't had kittens.

Those four shelter cats will die, probably.

It's kind of sad, don't you think?

I wonder how we could have prevented this from happening.


> I want to rub my beard against his beard

I thought this was a standard beardo-to-beardo greeting.


I don't know, may you?


Yes, very much so. I keep watching this over and over with a big goofy grin on my face.


> How many women have been drafted? How many women have been forced to fight a war they do not believe in and asked to kill people the have never even met? How often are cases of male rape even take seriously?

Hint: These are all issues that feminism would address without the misogyny of the "men's rights" movement.


My dying who?

I don't know what that is, sorry.


>I didn't know

Doesn't matter! You must register yourself as a sex offender and spend the rest of your life repenting for having such lewd thoughts. /s


VLC is open source. There will always be a free version.


Since you've shared this with us, I'm going to share this with you: every time you pray to allah, you are seeding acts like this. If you wanna change something, teach your children science instead of the fantastic stories of an adult man married to a 6 year old child.


Then you'll have foresight, but you'll be a little cockeyed.


"I could not disagree with a title any more than I do your's."

I'm not sure I understand.


Whoa, didn't see that coming!


i don't even think you know what you're talking about or excusing at this point


Or just learn how to cs for the love of god ...


Wow, a rape joke. Haven't heard that from you before, Nixon. I think you're losing your touch. Seems to me I just found mine.


Her boyfriend looks like he should be her father.


That isn't how attraction works. Stop acting like we aren't animals, it's pathetic. Though you can form bonds that are "deep" that is because we learn to associate the person with the release of oxytocin. The effect of oxytocin is different for each person and is down to their genetics and childhood. They are no more responsible for it than any disabled person is responsible for their disability.


Clearly, someone once had given him advice to pause before answering difficult questions and think about them. But this guy had a problem thinking before speaking, so he was like "I can't answer immediately IF I HAVE FOOD IN MY MOUTH," and this genius coping technique was born.


Confession Bear: I never pick up after my dog.


I'd love to have a shitty job.  I couldn't hold any down.  Standup was the only thing I could stick with.  I'm an idiot that way.  seriously this is the real answer.


Let's be honest here, is there any class or deck that actually beats out Control Warrior? And please don't say Paladin just because his hero power is better at fatigue wars.

When a deck has 9 legendaries in it it's bound to win a lot. But hey let's keep complaining about mech mage. Let's keep on nerfing all of the rush decks, that way the game will die within a year.


You don't bite the hand that feeds you, or in this case, preventing you from sitting in solitary confinement for the rest of your natural life.


Well, you guys scare the crap out of the passengers bouncing all over the sky, then are all smiles on the way out the door.


Lost it! Good lord I'm fuckin crying

Edit- Here, youre the first person ive ever bought gold for. Thanks for that laugh. So showing him this tomorrow


Plenty of useful threads that people are too lazy to search for.


I just got out!!!  4 years in the Feds for MDMA distribution.  Yup, not worth it!  Moving forward with my life and not letting that shit happen again!  Cheers to freedom!


"Hey! You're that guy who sucks his thumb! Hahhahah!"
"Hey! You're that waiter who doesn't like tips!"


I think he means that he kinda raped her, which isn't true


"Jim! Can I see you for a minute?"

Followed by an angry walk to the break room, where the boss hands Jim a cup of coffee.

"Try this, it's the best damn coffee I've ever made!"

Boss is all smiles now, Jim takes a sip, admits that it is pretty good.

"Yeah, I put bourbon in it. You're fired for drinking at the office."

Jim becomes a homeless alcoholic.


And, may I observe, atheist. Just like your buddies Mao, PolPot and Stalin. Atheist socialists.

It is funny how r/atheism likes to look down and make fun of theist religions, while their own religion, socialism, is the most unsettling, vile, cruel, and generally deadly meme ever descending on this planet.


What are we, the one percent of the one percent?

Tarnished pennies dropped into a half empty water bottle and shaken, not stirred.


I used to be the only person my my floor that had a door, and that combined with me being the only woman on that floor led to a rumor that I was fucking the boss, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


I was too busy looking at the guy's sick abs to pay any attention to the poor dude who has to stand there and pray he doesn't get hit.


If you're serious about 3D graphics, you would be developing only for Windows.