I buy mine from Amazon because then someone else has to carry it up 3 flights of stairs for me. Because I'm an asshole.


Why can I only give you one upvote?

EDIT: when did all the downvotes happen? What was wrong with my comment?


"Who was that honey?"

"Oh, it was just Bob.  They had a baby, it's a boy"


I guess it was referencing the meme explosion... kind of...


no. no that's still pretty impressive.


> money hungry

Seriously? You make them sound like cold hearted corporations or something. These people use this money to make childrens' lives better.


Titan A.E. was really good. Very under appreciated.


I'm sure we should be proud not to know.


well there goes this thread


Exactly what I would have said.


Sorry to say I was right. He lied and cheated the entire marriage and refused to try counseling so I had no choice but to leave in order to be happy and sane.


Yeah, that site doesn't have long.


I'd sign up for the "pay full balance now" option, also.


I didn't claim to represent the sub.


Good Guy Grandma

Uses Modern Convenience

Appreciates It


No, it's not. If anything, it's a degrading statement for the gay community itself.

Being gay = anal sex. So stupid and it only fuels anti gay sentiments.

The fact that it's being upvoted doesn't surprise me though. Anything anti EA will be upvoted by our 12 yr old buddies here in rgaming.


I'm most surprised at the fact that you managed to stand up so easily with those massive brass balls weighing you down.


Awww..,.how cute.  But if I wanted shit from you I'd scrape your teeth.


No, New Years Day officially starts with your hangover.


Dude, chill out. If someone enjoys being flirty and complimenting people, then why should being in a relationship change that?

Relationships are about learning from one another, and shouldn't require anyone to change, really.


WHAT!? What did you say?


MOMMMMYYYY!!!!! WAT ID DA APETOL SCIENCE HANDHEWD POLTOL DEVICE?????? GOO GOO!!!!
Samefag detected


his victims don't deserve to be baked into pies either


Could you possibly stop spamming comment thread with a google question.

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=minecraft+hosting


on behalf of IT and all surveillance personnel everywhere, please tell her the following:

* Thank you.

* Get the mole on your lower left-hand side checked out. It looks like it might be getting slightly bigger and melanoma is an entirely preventable death.


Again- this isn't the point. The front office screwed up. That does not give Cousins a free pass to give up on the team and not lead them.


shami_kebab, im a little disappointed not guna lie.... but its ok we can get through this just do what thegoddessathena said and enjoy! the office is one of the best shows out there, puts csi and all those other lame ciminal investigation shows to shame.... and yes pam is most definetly a hottie


How do you kill that which has no life?


You won't take shit from anybody.  You are only internet tough.


Except if you leave out a jacket, now 1/2 your living room is covered in jacket.


These are the worst kind of fucking reddit posts I think I'm going to see some knockout and instead I see two dudes WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE


After all the alcohol was gone.


For the exact reason I just said. USA would never beat Spain in a competitive game. You're a bit slow, aren't you?


> Asian cultures did not historically raise cattle

I think you mean "East Asian."  India is an Asian country and plenty of people raise cattle there.


THANK YOU. I'M SURE YOU'RE CHILL TOO


Welcome to Wisconsin... We're almost Canadians! Just weirder and less French.


I'd like to get upp-i-ty cunt if you know what I mean.
(I mean having sex.
(with a woman))


Both capital punishment and euthanasia can easily be carried out via [inert gas asphyxiation](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inert_gas_asphyxiation) in a safe, humane, and cheap fashion.


How didn`t she deserve it? Please explain. This isn't justice because it looks like she pretty much deserved it for dressing like a slut and trying to start a fight.


Don't worry, he's only 17 now.


Porn could use some Air Force EOD teams.


Oh wow. You're *the* misprint guy. Your YouTube videos are awesome. So informative. So much about misprints would go unknown without your contributions.


This is the worst logic in the world.


I work at a bar, no one really gives a shit about anything. I can assure you the one thing we all care about  is making sure glass NEVER gets in the ice bin. The two times in my years of working there that we thought it even might have happened, we used a bucket for the rest of the night and I came in early to clean out the ice bin.

Don't be afraid my son.


So if you are a hemophiliac paraplegic with a severe lung condition you can be free to drink and drive all you want?


I'm male and I would also like to know how I can marry Ryan Gosling. You know, because he has a lot of money and stuff... yeah that's why...


What are you guys talking about? All I see is the Austin powers image :-(

I am going to have to downvote the above three comments as they are out of context :-)


Yeah! A deli. I'm not some analrapist pornstar...


Honestly, is this a circlejerk sub? Because that's what your response suggests. I thought I'd lurked enough to know but maybe not


Thanks for this, I really needed to hear it at this point in my life. Really, I appreciate you taking the time to comment.


No, its about Obama's arrogant incompetence.


River Otters are mammals that are relatives of the stoats, weasels, mink, badgers and wolverines.


It would be even more amazing if Carmack would tell us linux users were gonna defo get a version of this game or not, rather than faffing about with an Ifail. Id has always come up trumps before.


I'm tired of the whole "it's free market as long as I get to do what I want" argument these monopolies throw out.


No, that's actually the proper way to do it.


"to soak up all that cum that's all over him"


If that's the extent of your inquiry into atheism, then you are really missing out on something.

You must be one of those people who are atheists because 'its cool'.


I've been pronouncing it as "im" (like from "him") + "grr"


Because you're a nigger.


Judging by the floor, I don't think they don't own a vacuum.


Man, fuck that inbred german. He needs to go back to Europe or Vegas or something and leave the serious business to the grown ups.


Do you like my new dress? It costs more than your mom. I look forward to wearing it once and throwing it away.


~~an~~ a hero

hard *h* sound takes *a* not *an*.  TMYK

E


add some broth, a potato, baby you got yourself a stew


I bet myself $20 this kind of comment would be top. (not saying I disagree though).


I will open a restaurant just to make you its manager.


What part of 'fatebringer and gjallarhorn' did you miss? : )

PS: It was just a joke... sort of. Honestly, in roc strikes it doesn't really matter what you use. Everything is one hit anyway. Fatebringer with firefly does about the same thing as golden gun with combustion, but without the startup animation.


Lol.. trick question... I was a drunk 8 year old. It was a super hot day in Southern Utah, the beer truck comes around (usually filled with soda and water too), but all's he had was beer. My mom saw that I was literally dying of heat stroke and gave me a beer. I chugged the whole thing and decided it'd be the best idea ever to drive the golf cart whilst laying on the hood.


ye those rednecks finish school when they're in their 30s


and prescription pills.


Kobe needs to rape another person to reignite the flame.


That's nice to know...  It's a little overwhelming when they ask you about it while you're holding her hand for the last time.  I had serious issues with the thought of "parting her out" so to speak.  But it was her wish.  She helped everyone she could (she was a police officer), and a far better person than I am.  This helps a lot.  It really does.


Don't play it. Terrible series about underage sexualized anime girls with terrible gameplay made for the MLP shameless neckbeards.


As a girl I would like to confirm this, if you flirt with me after you get to know me, I'll love it. If I've said one sentence to you and you hit on me I think it's weird.


I don't want to be selfish. I'm not a selfish person. But I really do not want to confess. To be honest I was hoping people would tell me take it to the grave. I'm not sure who benefits from me confessing. We probably end up divorced if I confess. And that would fucking suck. For me personally and for our kids and for our family.


Do you need your pool cleaned?


TIL Adam Carolla has pedestrian taste in beer.  Raise your game, bro.


Anyone who is worried about whether it is legal does not deserve a viking's funeral.


dumbass motherfucker. pointless post.


Orlrightmate?

Yehmorlright mate yorlright?

Nobad


Like I said, I'll get you the picture as soon as I fix my webcam.


Allen, add fulfillment here.


lol the dumbest shit shoes ever. for the dumbest shit president ever.


No! College puts you in a job-cannon that fires straight into job-land, don't you know?!


http://imgur.com/RpwLh,GSvI4
http://imgur.com/JGAyh


I always get frustrated when audience members get browbeaten. It's not that hard to win an argument when you have an entire crowd behind you. Often people don't realize exactly how easy it is to turn off your social filter completely so they'll think you're being funny, but you're really just an asshole.


The Right Stuff was not black & white.  Though it did have some black & white footage in it.


Yes, and that was one of the evidences filed against her. But it took a while, since my boss's wife was 'very fond' of that bitch. :-P


lol he fucked it up, what a newfag


Definitely can't go blind


Reminds me of something my girlfriend did. She was standing in her room and I walked up behind her while talking. She backed her ass up into my crotch in what I interpreted as a sexy move. So I tried to go with it but then she promptly farted on me and walked away.


Logged in just to help out


Hey, my story is ALMOST the same as that, except it was my brother's fiancee and we both knew exactly who each other were, and instead of sinking pool shots, I got her pregnant, and instead of making out, I ruined everyone in my family's life and we ran away and got married and raise our daughter one at a time now that we're separated.

Almost the same story though.   Small world.


I realized after I upvoted your comment that it turned to 70. I tried to fix my mistake and downvoted, but it went down to 68. Damn. I'm sorry.


You should just pee on her.


DADDYY SAYD DAT IN DA SOWVIET RUSHA, MOSSCOW MARCHES YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!

GET IT WEDDIT????? PWESS "A" FOR DA UPBOWTS PWETTY PWEASE!!!!!!!!


All aboard the karma train!


Tell me you're not seriously THAT stupid.

Because honestly most 8 years old kids know what "average" mean. You clearly don't.


As another tall dude, this is how most of my conversations with people go.


I've trimmed it to just scruff, barely more than a 5 o'clock shadow since then. It's been more than a few months. It's getting very cold recently, though, so it might make another appearance.


Everyone loves drama.  Leave it as is, you did a beautiful job.


Here's a knowledge 'bomg' for ya: bomb doesn't have a G in it.
Yes I'm THAT guy


Bartender! Get a round of science for everyone!


How stupid can you be?


Wait what? You're supposed to wash your bath towel after every time you use it? Even my super clean freak Mum doesn't wash the shower towels after every use.


all posts are reposts of a repost.


Most of my movies have bombed.  People have loved Super and The Rocker after the fact but not enough to go pay money for them when they were at the theatre.


It's so fucking annoying when you just tack on your stupid shit to top rated comments in the hopes of getting karma.


Theirs was a love that could never be.


**[Insert additional worn out trope rehash of House MD television series here]**

...

Edit: Reddit, since you liked this joke, please [**UPVOTE THIS ONE**](http://www.reddit.com/r/technology/comments/ohv7n/arfa_karim_the_worlds_youngest_microsoft/c3hfk3c) - People just didnt get it, its funny in the context!!


alternatively: nice try undergrad student in an introductory bioethics course looking to have his summer essay an easy A.


lik dis f u cry evrytme


there's only one seat to take.


Oh, you're absolutely right, I am. However, I didn't, cunt. The mods did. Praise the mods here for doing their job. Unlike those worthless cunts at /r/braveryjerk. People can feel free to downvote the fuck out of this one, too.


Left on the runway and run over by planes for a week.


yah, actually. domain names are in the commons and as a public resource should be allocated by public bidding.

not sold off and privatized as they are now; if someone wants to pay the state more for nissan.com than Nissan, they should have it, but just some schlub registering it shouldn't be given eternal rights to it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockean_proviso


I imagine "Canadian mayhem" to be a lot of people sighing and throwing their hands up in a safe and conscientious manner.


If you would not like to get in any discussion maybe you should edit the "fairly legitimate" part of your explanation then, twat.


This does make me feel better, yes.


It might be 128GB but it's some slow ass memory when compared to what iOS devices use.


>As a woman I support this massage.

FTFY


What she's doing is fucking sainthood. She's sacrificing her own happiness to make some other dude happy.. How is that bad of her?


In Indian families, a fetus isn't considered viable until it has completed medical or engineering school.


i was thinking slut but i think your description is more accurate


did you even bother to click that link? it goes to a redditor asking why gawker sites are banned


You can always count on lemonparty.org.


Hardeeharhar so original hip thrust joke


*Wakes up from coma, finds out about planking, goes back into coma.*


Everyone cheats, so it's okay.

edit: Every time this gets downvoted, Bill Belichick eats a kitten.


Apologies for that mistake, one I shall make nevermore.


way to display your massive fucking butthurt ya uppity bint


Yep. In fact, most of that scene, and the scene preceeding it in the wonderful chocolate/candy playground was the first time the actors saw the sets. [Source](http://www.cracked.com/article_19693_5-amazing-performances-from-actors-who-werent-acting.html)


If you shout very loudly in public for your own pleasure, people will still hear you.


she talked to my parents (who just "happened" to be sitting outside her dressing room) for 45 minutes after the show.  That is a kindness I won't forget


He's not *that* good, he just markets himself very well. Like David Beckham did.

If it wasn't for his cockiness and "I Am Zlatan" bullshit, he would just be considered as another solid striker.

Alexis Sanchez is a lot better than Ibrahimovic this season.


Right, and also because of said attractiveness, this relatively unexceptional thing she did is making its rounds on the internet.


IF????? what are you fucking moron. Jesus christ your fuckin idiot learn grammar u dumbass.


the politically correct terms are

native American and african american


If he was targeting jewish people then he wouldn't let jewish people in his army. The neighboring countries had mostly jewish people in them, so it's no surprise that the Nazi regime killed mostly jewish people. Is the US army specifically targeting Syrians and Iraqi people because most of the militants there are Syrian and Iraqi?


Eventually we'll hit a barrier. Transistors can only become so small, and at some point we'll be down at the size of a single molecule (or a few molecules at most), and I can't see how it'll get any smaller than that.


It would be the perfect place for [Etch_A_Sketcher](http://www.reddit.com/user/Etch_A_Sketcher) to comment, though.


At 12, all I was thinking about was the motherfucking power rangers.


CAT FACTS:

The cat's clavicle, or collarbone, does not connect with other bones but is buried in the muscles of the shoulder region. This lack of a functioning collarbone allows them to fit through any opening the size of their head.


I had a dream I fucked Meg Griffin once. I think I'll go ahead and be alone for every viewing of that one.


Good luck actually saying that. Tell us how it goes.
Edit: this was a joke but I guess everyone took it seriously. This type of humor must only be funny around where I am.


Thank you for the apology. I can't pretend I haven't been a bitch to others as a result of a crappy day I had but I have. It happens to us all :)


I loved seeing Neymar getting bullied, it took me to the old elementary school days when all the tall or/and fat kids were pushing, hitting and annoying the smallest one.


Normally a bit of dick in public is completely harmless, but isn't the intent of flashing in this circumstance basically a way to denigrate their message and give a "fuck you" to the whole crowd?

I may be wrong, though, maybe he just enjoys public nudity.


drowning kittens isn't that bad... theye useless animals anyway


"Believe me, in ten years' time I will have become another Saint Olav." - Vidkun Quisling.

Hi, it's 70 years later. Your surname is known exclusively as a noun for "treasonous shitlord."


>_"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."_
~Edmund Burke


"If you don't want my love, you don't get to eat"

I'm stealing this for future dinner dates...


My favorite flavor is grape. That shit is real.


Where did the boss come from. Is this before or after royal with cheese?


apparently YOU... you did click the link after all.... and then take the time to COMMENT. :P


Also he either can't math or this was an outright lie:

>more so than anything that we had to deal with [in the] 80s and 90s with heroin and cocaine . . .

The number of murders in NYC back then was several times higher than it is today.


COLOUR! Doesn't rape the upvote button.


Caillou.  WAIT!  I don't like those.


But it wasn't a rock.


Sounds like She-daho. eh eh eh


Look man, I loved beer, too. I truly did. But it's all empty calories.

And as much as I miss it, I don't miss all the extra nonsense that comes with it.


"You utter plumsack."


hey sissy boy it's called a girl!


Well, taste travels along nerves which are made up of neurons. The max speed that a signal can travel along a neuron is about 120 m/s. The speed of sound is 343 m/s. Felix is estimated to have peaked at about 1.25 times the speed of sound, which would be about 3.5 times the speed of taste.


I would like the mods to remove this number as well, we aren't supposed to see personal information here.


lady here. peeing in the show saves SO much time! and toilet paper, and water. it's super efficient!


No, the reference stands just really weak here on it's own. Didn't get it either without the explaination.


Gotta say, this was the last video I was expecting to see this kind of comment on.


or rather, for being honest about how fck awful they are


And that kids, is how I met your mother.


and you didnt fight back at all, not even after having your nuts kicked.

pussy


There's no argument here. If a 7 was walking up to me I'd already be thinking about having sex with her before she asks.


Probably not. Reddit does not need to know about my personal life. Something else will pop up next week and we can be obsessed with that.


i need to think of a new username...


HAHAHAHA BLACK PEOPLE


dude you are spot on, I'm the guy getting my neck warmed by balls


>As much as I would love to waste $500/month on video games, kitchen appliances, and expensive wine, I'm happier knowing I have a savings and a place to live.

And when you get old and die, will you find comfort in knowing that putting your money away eventually was fruitless and you could have led a slightly more enjoyable life?  Just saying.


Chemical burns on your tongue and teeth have never been so delicious.


Yeah. The people who make the meat you eat aren't disgusting. They only severely abuse the animals. What's really disgusting is me for pointing out that we are so backward in society that eating abused meat is legal, but me eating my own dog after killing it painlessly is illegal.


twist: This kid is more mature than most adults that play CoD


stop pissing on the popcorn. this thread is over a day old and yours is 3 hours old. it's pretty obvious you came here from SRD.


i like a gal with a pronounced treasure trail


And then you same motherfuckers say that the Bible can't be real because there was a 9 foot giant.


Be sure to never directly confront your roommate about this. Continue taking pictures and posting them to Reddit. I'm sure everything will work itself out.


Yes no species your race has yet discovered has eyes that fit that picture, you humans must surely see that


And all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us". And he will whisper, "No".


Because I keep hearing how much of a humanitarian she was. I know of her work when she was alive, but I just can't understand how you could claim to support a cause, but not do a very simple thing to ensure it still has some support beyond your death. I'm not "trying so hard to discredit a dead woman" as someone has said. I'm looking for an answer to my question. Why didn't she?


I'm going to fly to upstate New York to see my mom and my sister. I'm not much of a drinker or partier, you know, so I don't really celebrate St. Patrick's day in the way that many people do with a big bacchanal, some big party, but my family is Irish, so we have - I guess we have some moment to reflect on the meaning of what it means to be Irish.


copy and paste stupid sayings....apparently get upvoted.


4chan doesn't leak.  It squirts.


Because no overfunded Kickstarter project has ever missed a deadline before. It's also kind of funny that the only people ever making this dumb point are people who didn't contribute to her Kickstarter. Evidently the contributors don't feel taken advantage of, so why is this a problem again?


Then you proceed with the plan by getting him drunk, and then gang raping him with all your friends. No one is going to believe a burglar in court.


Hmmmmm some girls have ass hair? How common is that?


Make up your damn mind.


I THINK ATHEISM IS COOL


french dude here. Please don't think that your experience reflects what the whole french people is like.

Your experience is obviously outside the norm, but let me reassure you: We are *assholes*. Those nice people you met are probably freaks or errors of nature.

Sorry, I just couldn't let this misconception uncorrected.


Well we have quite a bit of evidence that Jesus existed...

**Edit** Apparently I have been down-voted because the guy above me edited his post. His post originally said "Can we ban the word Jesus because there is no evidence that he existed.


The sun never sets on cool.


Ooh 1L crim law terms... You know so much!


More like a moment of e-clairity.


Wow you couldn't be any more wrong.


NO ARENT YOU LISTENING YOURE A DEAD


And Razer just did too on FB... but not one of them has cited their source


This is a great point. Possibly my favorite Einstein quote is paraphrased as 'If you can't explain something simply, you don't understand it well enough.'


ur trying to hard tho , who types up a book on this shit? i was expecting a couple words when i clicked but shit


If these threads taught us anything, it is that the 7 year relationship is just a minor hurdle.


Why do you even care?


She's so serene.

**TELL HER I LOVE HER**


why can't you just believe in the goodness of the world? have you been hanging out at /r/spacedicks again?


As a lady, I can shamefully confirm that this is completely true.


Said the man who stares at his own dick when he jerks off


You have some dumb Australian friends, man


This gets better and better.  Not repulsive at all


I'm sciencing as fast as I can!


Yeah down with rights.


I don't have a driver's license


If you like FFX you should feel bad.


the clip on light / magnifying glass was awesome. I remember playing Final Fantasy in bed with the sheets pulled over my head.


Oh, I guess I never dislike any actor then. Because acting.


Oh wow, everyone else is assuming that you mean that you're still a virgin, but my first thought was that the person you lost your virginity to died. I'm a really morbid person :(


I'm sort of the opposite.  I get pissed that so many healthy, buff, great looking people are at the gym.  One of my pet peeves is having to wait for a machine that someone that doesn't need to be on it is taking his/her sweet time. Stop doing your 3000 reps of 500lbs. on that weight machine so I can get my fat ass on there, because, you know, I actually NEED to be on it.


Like he was homeschooled.


Correct! And the fleshy part around the vagina is called the cunt.


Coming up organically?  That's October 19th.


Hold your horses folks, this is THE Springfield College! And exercise physiology - the man must be a regular Einstein!


He's 8 years old and he's already learning to speak Dolan!

EDIT: Great, my highest rated comment is about dolan.


that would be me.  i was trying  my best to pity the fool


Before you check though post a bunch of pictures on reddit and then call the police.


**We should send all these whiny veteran faggots into Iraq - then they will be useful again :)**


If you think this was awkward, you should see the commercial for the single player campaign.


Yes how demoralizing putting stickers on those damn envelopes. Pity all those people with factory jobs taking care of themselves and family.I'm glad all you have to do now is hear guys moan and grunt  and orgasmwhile calling them names and hearing them jacking off, much more of a moral high ground there.


Karmawhoring to end karmawhoring? Now that's a thing I can get behind.


He's also freaked out by the cat. Notice the way it walks at the end of the clip, the tail tucked between his legs. Maybe this cat has beat up on the dog before, or perhaps dog is just jealous of cat getting the attention. But something is definitely up here.


This is why I'm terrified to have kids. I get freaked out when my dog randomly growls, much less having some kid tell me that some blue man is chilling in their room with them. Nope nope nope.

"Mommy, the little girl in my closet wants to play."....

"You're grounded until you learn to stop horrifying your parents."


That was against Bethesda... -_-


If they do, they should still have them wear a blindfold. I hear double-blind tests are more reliable.


True but, it's not the same. The sun puts out more than my microwave oven too but, I'm not going to put my body parts inside.

BTW, I'm not saying wifi is harmful. I'm just saying that's a shitty analogy.


When my girlfriend starts sucking my dick that usually means she wants me to suck hers too.


I sexually idenfity as an attack helicopter.


It's in bold, right in the fucking sidebar.

> This sub reddit is not a replacement for ... missing persons inquiries...These types of posts will be removed.


>It’s old, by the way

>Rickrolls someone.


Oh really,  was that needless to say?


The reason we Brits sweat on a long hot summer day is not because it's hot, but because it's unnatural and makes us nervous.


Have an upvote for your username and relevant gif.


thats why they made the grand theft auto games


Guys are usually a lot more violent and horny than girls. I'm not saying that to upset anyone, it's just a fact. Not to make generalisations, but I think it's reasonable to assume that while a man might pressure a drunk girl into giving her consent, a drunk chick probably isn't going to do that to a guy.


I never said what the other one was.


You know, I think it's your "holier-than-thou" attitude that I admire about you the most. I can only hope to one day be as cocky and self-righteous as you!


Coral 2012

Spread the word

Now with picture: http://i.imgur.com/Y2k9g.jpg


So you have a problem with schools teaching the facts?


It's called "The Stranger"


unlike other subs our mods actually moderate. Nice try though


I had a cat that did that, only she specifically chose fragile things and broke them. and her expression was like "yea bitch, that wasn't an accident"


She has a vagina......


Fuck you they are now! You've just revolutionized banana transport. No more banana bunker for me

edit: since many seem unsure: [banana bunker](http://www.topblogposts.com/files/bananabunker/4.jpg)


This post is a thorough misrepresentation of Christian values. Any Christian who reads it would feel severely persecuted (it's bad enough that in America Christians are routinely persecuted, must they be subject to it on online forums as well?).

I urge the OP to delete this post.


reword it. "i'll have ________ and i believe you said you wanted the ________?" and look at your gf and she'll nod and then hand the waitress your menus.


Implying the human body is classless?

Edit: People are way too uptight about the human body.


If this does not make it to court, on the basis of what the son and his lawyer heard, and the tazer video, it would be an absolute travesty


Says the guy commenting on a video game forum.


He's basically Nathan Drake at this point.


Bahahahahaha Cowboys suck!!!


Your comments were really great. Thank you.


A forced meme. They're pretty common now-a-days, faggots in abundance and such.

EDIT: Love the downvotes, keep 'em coming, faggots :)

I keep getting 9 more every time I check, are down votes like YouTube with video views? LOL HOPE I MAKE IT TO -306 that'd be IROOOONIC


So basically you just cut out the middle man


Looks like they are rich. Not a lot hurts rich people.


that changes things a bit


I completely agree. I completely agree with this guy about what a piece of shit company Chik-fil-A is but his anger here is so misdirected, it's laughable.

That said, this should NEVER be grounds for termination and I wish he had actually made his firm fire him so he could sue them.


Omg. I would give you all my money if you started a parody band called One Erection.


Not a troll at all, just really tired of the circlejerking around Marvel. It's a load of Hollywood crap to be honest, their are way better movies out there than overcommercialized Disney comic books made movies.

EDIT: Spellng


Or his bear's right to eat arms.


Leave it up to the fags to be gay.


Yeah, now that I think of it you're probably right.


Fuck u. That's some nasty shit. Fuck u gamer queers. U fags love weird shit that is only normal for 10 year olds. Y'all must be pedophile


>As it seeks writers to work on the show, Netflix is describing it as “Game of Thrones” for a family audience, this person said.

And thats not helping its cause.


Except The Land Before Time sucked cock. Stop with the fucking nostalgia circlejerk, you pathetic excuse for a human being.


Ok, if it's any consolation, you just actually made me laugh out loud.  I hope you somehow manage to make it through the crisis that you are facing today, and in those to come.  :)


Stabbing europe in the back? Europe isn't our friend.


I don't think it was even intended to be perceived as an intelligent film. If you pay attention to the dialogue and not just the cool visuals, everything is explained thoroughly and in simple language. I had this friend who would go on about how he followed the plot so easily during the first viewing as if it were Primer or something.


XLNT!  X-posting now.


You have to get in the queue behind me first. No. Wait!


Yeah fuck those fags amirite?


LOL your brother is a faggot.

EDIT: was


The intern you are referring to has been murdered. -WT


Looks like something from Spaceball


Please tell me he has throwing stars


It makes perfect sense. It's funny when atheists take the simplest things and then pretend that they can't understand them. Even a child understands the love of Jesus Christ; it takes decades of corruption by the liberal media to unlearn this.


We have a Humvee? Since when?


I think that a "ladies night" isn't that far of a cry from a "white people's night" or a "black people's night".

However, that said, I understand that women feel more comfortable in an environment with other women.

What I think is right, is to have a "women's preferred night", where women are encouraged to attend, but men, and all other gender identities are welcome, as well.


Maybe it's a cooking class and he's the only one prepared.


Then vote against it.


http://imgur.com/a/wSnmI

For your enjoyment good sir!

Edit:  I bookmarked this a long time ago when someone else had created this bad boy...  Just figured I'd share it with my fellow redditors!


Actually, I thought the writing on the show wasn't as good as most people cracked it up to be; the jokes were a little immature, and the whole thing seemed sort of unpolished and rushed. A show like 'Everyone Loves Raymond' is a better example of what a sitcom can be. But I don't know that redditors have enough taste to appreciate good writing ...


I'd say Leo has got the last laugh.


I can understand what he says perfectly, i just find is accent obnoxious.


Unfortunately the Catholic church has its hands full dealing with its own internal reforms and recasting its vision and mission.


Not gonna lie, I cringed watching this but it makes me feel good for what he did to Ballard. Say what you will about the hit. I didn't like it and I don't like Martin.


then you'd be listening to a 7 year old


If you're only posting imgur links, I don't have a problem with it. Is that what you'll be doing going forward?


wow what the fuck. same height as Bruno Mars:

http://i.imgur.com/othe5bB.jpg


Nice spin. So glad you are a useful idiot.


Dear Penthouse,

I never thought my 8th grade tutor liked me, but one day she showed up to our session in a low cut blouse...


The mom is an Australian Shepard. The young pup is a husky.

It's that moment when you're about to find out the truth. Know what I mean? The mom in the picture is saying..."well sweetheart, that's because you are."


Yes, the special Starbucks for the Mole-people


>~~Fuck~~ *[Fight](http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/259/034/857.jpg)* cancer.

I joke, but that kind of loss can hopefully be avoided if everyone pledged at least some money to a cure, instead of only worrying about donating once it affects them personally.


Fairly regularly, I'm guessing.


Fuck that. Bill Clinton and John F Kennedy. Neither of them are President at the moment.

If anything, use the titles of the time the photo was taken and MoonDaddy would be correct.

EDIT: Yes, please downvote me. You're probably the same people who refer to Clinton as President Clinton and Bush as simply Bush. All hypocrites.


I think the difference here is that if Zeddie showed up at some girl's prom, no one would mind.


yea i had sex with her 2 and there nothing u can do about it because i am kung fu and i can disarms you imediatly after u draw the shootgun ha what u gona do about that yea


Good point. Everyone knows the proper shorthand for a mentally retarded female is "Mr. F".


Thats a shit ton of work to do on mobile while in class. Sorry it rustles your fucking Jimmies. I knew someone would post a link when they are more readily available.


Brings new meaning to I_COLORED_IT_FOR_YOU.


Simce i'm older than 3 months, I'd feel like they were lying.


Took me 2 weeks of constant grinding to get from 98str to 99.

My account got hacked


Uh, really?  That seems like a sign you have too much money.


Oh, I thought you meant because Dallas still has an NBA team.


Because they have no power.

Look at America with Obama, he has pretty much told the US people that the senate and congress doesn't matter because he takes orders from the UN and so he can do whatever he likes, which included signing the NDAA.

The man thinks he's a roman emperor.


Pocket whales. One can dream


every fantasy game needs little fat bearded dorfs too laugh at.


Detroiter here, started my car, let it run for 5 minutes and now the ice is completely gone as well as my car.... Did I miss a step??!


Or you can chill out, and appreciate that they may have concerned their customers and then wanted to make sure that the customers understood it was a mistake and apologized for it promptly. Annoying EA bandwagon hater. If they do something fucked up, hate them, but if they try to do something correct, praise them. Did you never get any hugs as a kid?


Even then, it's proof you can read 500wpm for only ten seconds. Within an hour your short term memory will be fried.


I have black tape around the grip that goes to the bottom clip. I do not know why my gun is such a big deal. People are dying every day.


No, I think Penn State has already claimed that one.


I think people are missing your sarcasm.

EDIT:And so the tide shifts.


I feel like if you need someone on reddit to tell you that sticking your hand into a blender is a bad idea then maybe you can't be trusted to have fingers anyway.


> Show me a study

no u. show me one study that says men's finances are worse than women's after divorce. it's time you put some effort in here.

> women get at least half the guy's income

lol TIL [$280 a month](http://www.cnpp.usda.gov/Publications/CRC/crc2004.pdf) is half men's paycheck. :)


He wasn't crying because he was sad, he was crying because he was horny.


fuck off with your twitch emoticons. You are on Reddit.


...when do I go after the snitch?


Downvote for bad reference.

Cool Hand Luke.


Hmmm....Not sure. Maybe a ghost story at Pierce's mansion?  Thank god I'm not a writer on this show!


The kid shouldn't have dropped the other guy like that. He should have gone to the authorities at the school and explained what happened and let them deal with it.


That is exactly where I thought it was going.


Being an atheist, I can't really get through this song >.<


The thought of this made me hyperventilate.


Legitimately laughed to this comment for some reason. Good job.


If you zoom in and read the disclaimer at the bottom, it says the joke was made about "recent claims."


what "joy" am i finding right now? hint: none. i don't. i don't find joy. i don't find joy in anything. even if i conceded your poorly-worded, half-baked point, hypocrisy means nothing. an alcoholic telling people to not drink should still be heeded? this is middle school shit. you people are worthless


The "honey" makes that like 30x worse somehow


Clearly not because they did beat both of us...that's the fact you clicked on to get here


I like that better, can we use this?


Exactly. It's much more about how shit Arsenal's replacement centre backs are.


Never hit first, always hit back,

Thus began the story of one_eyed_jack.

When he received an attack,

He would always smack back,

And once made a man's eye black,

"AN EYE FOR AN EYE, YOU STUPID SHIT-SACK!"

the man yelled at him, wielding a tack,

and with a whack and a smack (he didn't hold back),

he made the poor boy into "one-eyed-jack"


Like a swan from the duckling, I have made your comment... *art*

http://i.imgur.com/K1opo.jpg

...Courtesy of the instant_reddart bot


I think people always forget how much the olympics cost. Frankly, I'm glad there's enough advertisement to substain it.


Hold on a minute! This karma train's just leaving the station! All aboard!


And then it starts making noises in pain. "WhY *bAAABbb* aM *Bbzzzb* I Still *BIIEPP* ALIVE?!??"


I would say it was a somewhat new camera but my friend isn't one of those ditsy girls who know nothing about how a camera works....the pop was loud...I thought someone had threw a rock at one of the tombs...and I was about 30ft away....there was a hole on the tomb so her camera literally didn't touch anything except her hands...its just weird how it happened right after she took this pic


I wish to find a love like yours.


Hes not on reddit but nice try xD


**L**oose and **U**norganized but **F**reaking **T**errific **W**inners at **A**ll **F**ramerates, **F**orever, **E**asily


Are there any new ones? PM me if they're super secret ;)


> hated doggy.

Yeah... this isn't going to work.


It's not getting deleted because this is too funny!


> Rain-X - Repels rain better than most redditors repel women.

I think you highly underestimate my ability to repel women.


As a Ducks fan, you should know, right


Of course, he's wicked smaht.


yeah we used to just shake them up in blow up people's mail boxes. No biggy.


idc about some random with an average physique giving me his personal broscience


I would "have sex" with her


Hey, I was trying to make a statement.  If I wanted to just be a dick and torture the clerk I would've tried paying in pennies like the thousand other unoriginal people who have done that before.


That sounds [smashing!](http://i.imgur.com/bzDwg.jpg)


Valid question, answer him OP.


There are alternatives, but you'd likely to have obtain them in another country. Good luck getting a U.S. doctor to administer them, since they're not approved for use in the U.S. Some venomous keepers that I know will fly to Central American countries for treatment because it's cheaper and they have more options available.


Does everybody really post pics of themselves on instagram?

Isn't that kind of self-centered?


"HAHA Raping children is hilarious! You got yourself a job"

Edit: my two highest up voted comments are about child rape and holocaust jokes respectively. What the fuck is wrong with you people?


Do you have pornhub app on an iPad that you leave with the kids? Or are you just karma-farming by being cheeky?


Do us a favor? Post a follow-up when your friends from school see this, identify you, and start giving you shit.

I'm sure you'll be able to get *at least* a Bad Luck Brian and a Socially Inept Penguin out of it.


You sound like a major faggot. "Don't lie please, this is not you." It's the internet man, you seem so hurt by this post. Bring on the down-votes bitches.


He says it could be worth a lot. Thing is it's going to sit on the shelf for a long time. People don't come in every day looking for Xbox 360 dev kits.

I'll give you $5 for it.


If it was karma then surely I should't have gotten downvotes, right? I did a good thing by correcting him, but I got bad things in return? I know it's not a big deal but I'm just doing something that I think is right. People need to stop overreacting.


You had Bad Luck Brian hurl an insult at you.


What had he done to his girlfriend to deserve this I wonder...?


>But it loses the poetic effect in translation.

Not in the slightest.


I logged in to upvote because you are contributing something important.  I'm a special kind of interneter.
Edit: Spelling


"Oo ya fuckin' callin' racist bruv?"


Why? Is this because they beat you today or just overall?

Pls don't be salty lol.


Have you had piranhas eat your urethra from the inside out? I had a groin injury from from swimming sport, so I rubbed them with Piranha Bait (same as Master Bait I presume) before going to bed. It didn't take long for my urethra to attract and be eaten by piranhas, and let me tell you, it is *that bad*. Honestly it felt like a red-hot metal rod was being shoved down my pee hole.


fucking idiot. wow. you play runescape. how cool you are!!!!!


I just looked at Gary on Google Earth. Even from the air the place looks like a cesspool.


I used to be butt-fuck retarded, like you, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


You don't understand how addicting our ball smell is. Nothing like fondling my balls then putting my hand over my nose to relax me.


***HELLO, ASTROZEBUS***


Probably because he had...

*puts on sunglasses*

..a change of heart.


Because the smoking made her stink?


If you have Orangina, talk to your doctor before taking Oranex. Side effects include peeling, juicing and being an orange.


MOMMY WHY DOS DA WEDDIT LIKE TO TOUCH DA BABBY????????????? GAGA GAGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #BETA4LYFE


Northeastern.  Everything north and east of New York, really.


then why don't you go hang out with the people who stole OP's cell phone, you hypocritically racist fuck


SPARTANS! WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION!?


The reason you're wrong is because you're trying to push your opinion and anecdotal experience as fact. Also I doubt your comment will piss people off when you come off kinda ignorant.


Awwwww you got so nervous about skipping school you made yourself sick enough to skip school.


You.  I like you.  You get downvoted by people when you speak the truth, just like me.


Could you put that in American?


I'm not sure why I downvote people that post "I'm not sure why this is getting downvoted". Oh wait yes I am, stfu faggot.


Nice try, Pert Plus 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner salesman.


Because she is a hideous airhead whom much fewer would pay to see naked and fucked rather than half naked and teasing.


"And that day I met my spirit animal," he said.


Neil degrasse Tyson is a highly intelligent black astrophysicist making meaningful scientific contributions to humanity. Buzz Aldrin is just another white guy who got to play with some expensive high-tech equipment and who went on to do stupid shit making the entire human race look bad. Maybe that could have been avoided if only Buzz Aldrin were smart like Neil degrasse Tyson.


And /r/circlejerk. I get around.


I disagree with whoever downvoted you. Allow me to tip the scale back to even.


this occurred to me when i reached the age my dad was when i was born.  i thought, wow, i would never be able to handle raising a kid.  and then i thought, well, i guess you would just sort of have to deal with it.  and then i thought, wait, they were winging it the whole time?!


Ugh I hate Chinese porn it's always censored. All you see is pixelated bush. Who the fuck wants that?


So you saying he was getting a little in... on the side?


Please stop. Anyone with a clue can tell that your game knowledge is absolute shit compared to the real 'pros'.

Seriously, your fanboys make me sick (waits for downvotes)


You know what else is the best?

Edit: it's not downvotes but good guess guys.


There's this thing called Google.


How was this supposed to work, exactly?


At which point of that you tipped your fedora?


if so, the balls most certainly touched


Got me. I thought I did everything right but I did EVERYTHING WRONG and now these fake internet points are all in vain.


Seriously, why are the mods deciding what makes an interesting AMA and what doesn't? What if everyone WANTS to see an "internet famous" AMA? Why on earth would they even come up with this rule?


He's insecure that his girlfriend was about to make out with another dude.


Daylight savings time doesn't melt steel moons


Ahh I'm not sure if _edit_ has an account, and she is fine with the upload man, I'm a photographer and she is a model. The goal is to get noticed. She just did not like it as much as others we took, but I disagreed, and I feel am right due to reaction. So if the reaction is good she is more then happy.

I was expressing her initial reaction to the photo...


Well it might be satire but they are using trademarked names and PETA is making a profit by website visits/ads.

http://www.wipo.int/amc/en/domains/decisions/html/2000/d2000-1230.html


I wonder why you think it's any of your business


Omg your one of those douchebags. "Leaked" pictures are no different. Porn is porn and it is great.


WHEN PEOPLE SHOW ME THEIR DWIGT TATTOOOS!


Batman dies, batman lives, robin exists.(Catwoman's a slut.)


He said tall.

ANYWAYS - I had a prof who was in his 60s who was probably 6'9


we found Darrell Bevell's reddit account


Sunnies? Why do the british have a gay version of every word?


Pretty sure the McRib is 90% heroin as it is.


He doesn't use the internet.


Not to mention this guy will probably get *actual* PTSD from this.


Are you talking about that stupid music video by that mediocre band...what were they called again? Okgo? or something like that...


Exactly. If you have 40 years to live, $1 million works out to $25k per year. Not exactly luxurious.


Cut that SRS name calling shit out.


When I was 16 my dad promised he'd match my money I had for a new car dollar for dollar. So with a combined ~6 grand I bought the mother of all garage queens. An Alfa Romeo spider. I probably spent more time under that car than I did in it. Still have it, though, but at least now I can afford to keep it running.


I dont know moron wasnt probably the best word but I just didnt like his attitude towards all the situation


And I'm sorry I can be excited while still exercising restraint.

Wait, no I'm not.


I would be honored if he chose my mother


Yeah.the top comment is pissing me off. I don't mind being hated for being pats but to label cheater and bill belichick lieng without explaining anything but giving a insubstantial" even I could point that out" without going into detail why he could point that out... Fuck him and bring the downvotes


"I'll fuck you 'til you love me faggot"

-Mike Tyson


Copy the text and paste it here.  I can't be bothered to deal with the JavaScript shit-storm I'll find by clicking that link.


It's easy to own it when it doesn't inflict shit upon you.  I would say truly owning it involves accepting all of the consequences.


same reason women send love letters to imprisoned serial killers and devote websites to admiring the columbine killers

I don't know what the reason is, I'm just guessing it's the same one


IF he grows up.  I shudder to think of how little actual parenting must be going on in his home.  I'm guessing he got a bag of hypodermic needles, a handgun, and a spray-can flamethrower for Christmas.


Chillen out maxin relaxin all cool, sippin some coffee outside of The Louvre


Its worth less than a scrap, easily buyable back.


Just to clarify we do want pics


Fine line between confidence and smug. However you have the ability to draw that line.


2 out of 100 ain't bad.


I'm not denying that. But, *if you didn't want to read people complain all day, you shouldn't have come to Reddit.*


The mental image I have is of Carl from ATHF yelling at an oven. Thank you.


Hahaha the proverbial white flag when you are proven wrong and cant even support yourself.

You could act like the man you think you are at any moment by simply proving me wrong. But I guess you would rather continue your little kiddy games and think you are having an affect. Thats what girls do. Carry on then.

You are adorable.


Oh dear god I would have loved to sit in on that interview.

You: "So what is your biggest weakness"

Him: "Picking on people who are smaller than me..."


Gonna summarize this post.

**This post is like a homeless guy calling a loser McDonalds worker a "very wealthy man".**

2 no talent hacks who oh all their success to MTV talking about how great they are. Real music isn't on MTV. Sorry. Had to downvote.


The Koch brothers extract this from the joints of their enemies then use it to fuck the asses of the American worker. Amirighthere sheeple?


So you call the truth "misogyny" and douchebaggery!" LMFAO, maybe if women weren't fucking psychos, we wouldn't make say that. Fuck you, you worthless SJW.


Have an upvote for wasting a perfectly good night investigating! We need people like you. May you be forever upvoted.


So what if he could have killed the dog?

We kill tons of other animals for sustenance. We kill deer and ducks for sport. Why is it such a huge deal if we kill dogs?


We just wanna make sure the explosion is really big and cool like. Can't have no punks making tiny bombs in the land of the free.

Also It looked like he was holding the bomb. Isn't that a big no no?


I'm still waiting for learning cursive to pay off.


Well played sir, I lol'd.


>Redditor since: 2005-09-30
(6 years, 9 months and 28 days)


..but it was a big rubber fist and by 'pussy' she meant her vagina. WOOSH!


My Nana takes her wig off when she's drunk.


Please understand that unfortunately, community-only policing via voting just isn't working out. The results are not ideal, and end with people feeling excluded and shouted down. Much like, say, an apple tree, you need to prune some of the apples to get good fruit.


what the hell is a student politician? someone studying politics? like she's just a hot college student?


completely wrong, but i don't have the patience to point out what you're missing.


It's you and me,
I know it's gastronomy!
PIZZA HUT,
You're my best friend,
Pepsi refills with no end


/r/gaymers is the main force behind the witch hunt, they started /r/ainbow and have been the driving force for the vitrol and downvotes.


This reinforces my belief that some people are simply unfit to be parents.


NERD ALERT WITH  NO FRIENDS!! NERD ALERT WITH  NO FRIENDS!! NERD ALERT WITH  NO FRIENDS!!


The worst part is that the message will be altered by the parents, so they feel that they need to be *more* protective.


thank you very much! seriously, thank you. i had no idea. second time in that sub. i'm honestly flattered!


Oh man, this video is everything I expected it to be and more


Taxes pay for corruption, all services if made private would be far more efficient, open and transparent, that is just a fact.


When a *guy* shaves his balls, that's okay. But when a *girl* does it, than she's "*weird.*"


i lol'd in real life XD


But it worked fine when I did it on xbox


I had a dream that me and Liquid`HerO were kissing. Then he started using his tongue and I woke up with the hardest dick I've ever had.


Whichever one is being a bitch.


A) You're an asshole

B) See A


RES tagged as **deepthroating champion**


though it wouldn't take a divorce for the kid to be fucked.


Wait, how did you type the the backwards d?


Dude good luck because you are fucked!!! It is 21 century and everyone knows that marriage is asking women to suck your blood out your body. Just keep the women as a girlfriends and keep fucking them until you find another fresh one.


"Just leave the keys on the davenport!"


What is the biological difference between humans of 2015 and humans of 630?


The government erased it.


I like him too! Only regret is that he didn't use the word "rapey" at all during this dialogue


Plot twist: [It wasn't Superman.](http://i.imgur.com/xM6aPWd.gif)


They're desperately trying to burn down Iran. Not the embassy, the entire fucking country. Retard.


Making it the most confusing transition to talk about to fans of both shows


Oh what you still think you have some moral high ground while being a liar who can't decide where he lives?

but thanks for pointing out how /r/europe mods shadow deleted my comment, if I ever needed some confirmation of that sub carries a bias thanks for confirming it.

my whole mission is about proving bias and you just helped me massively in proving my own point....thanks


I hate FOX but I also hate taking things out of context. So thank you for your comment.


These = plural. As in he was talking about the TSA :/ You're an idiot.


Reddit pick-up lines: 101


I hope your dog rots in the ground.


How do you feel about [/r/beatingtrannies](/r/beatingtrannies) and [/r/beatingwomen](/r/beatingwomen)?


I didn't mean any offense either, btw. My mom's really technologically retarded too, but man she would never do that.

EDIT: Ya know, maybe she would...


Because our team is much better at every aspect, not to mention we are the hottest team in the NHL


Ah, yes. The gene cantgrowfacialhair. Only slightly less annoying than the gene letmegiveyoupatchyfacialhair.


They write their family name first.


As a Jew, I would have shanked his homeless bitch ass.

Ain't no one fucks with my money.

Ain't no one.


This dude had a sick run. He really showed that male dominance in the winners bracket. Man, he just needed a little more focus to break oz.


With Obamacare, president Obama will come remove the warts himself..


Unfortunately, Blizzard lets all hipsters play their games. Oh well ;)


Shitters just don't want to spend money on infrastructure, just sucking customers dry in exchange for shitty connection

Pathetic


you know what would be tragic, but kinda funny at the same time? if rose tore his acl again, lol. only because there's been so much hoopla and hysteria surrounding his return and his hardwork to get back into the game. and for all of it to go POOF in an instant would be lolz. sad of course, but i'd giggle just a little.


Wow, I'm such an idiot. I was waiting for the gif to load.


Those teams didn't win the National Championship, they won the BCS Championship - which isn't recognized by the NCAA as a national championship. Prior to Ohio State winning this National Championship, the NCAA National Champion was North Dakota State (FCS), who have won it 4 straight years in a row.


Not a chance, the ludicrous amount of investment needed for high speed track, cargo on it will be too pricey to compete with ultra cheap sea cargo.

High speed trains are cheap, high speed track cost are horrendous.

I'm betting on this never seeing the light of day and if it does, this railroad will never be profitable.


BAHAHAH    RELEVANT USERNAME!!!!!


Not a recurring joke but reminds me of one of my favorite scenes:
Janitor:  Girl problems?
JD:  How'd you know?
Janitor:  You're a girl.  Looks like you got problems.


I'm sorry for posting the shittiest post of the day. Don't hold a grudge, please. I've been a Redditor for a year now and this is not how I want to remember it.

To be fair, you did call me a prick for no reason, but I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did to offend you. Please accept my apology.


I kind of feel like you're more reasonable about this because you weren't always rich.

edit-added an "a".

Also, dudes. I don't give a shit about politics. It was just an observation and thought I had.


Wait, smiles aren't something new? TIL


I did not kill this, man.


>Pretty much proves the so called " greatest generation" was full of racists.

My racist ancestors who refused to race mix must have been pleasantly perfect: I kinda like being White


Pff, fucking murderers have it easy.


Lol'd too hard at your username to take you seriously. God I'm mature.


You look cute both ways, but glasses are sexy.


Well there's a woman and they are in the air force so it most definitely isn't SF. It's probably MP though.


I suggested they be creative themselves instead of publicly criticizing others for their creativity. Yeah, HOW FUCKING DARE I.


Now that's a meme we haven't seen in a while.


meh. suck it up and grow up. I have a family to take care of. Work doesn't have to kiss my hipster art sense ass. It doesn't have to be awesome and cool and lovable and passionate. Wife expects me to bring money. Kids want healthy meals. Weight is on my shoulder. I walk out the door every morning into a soul crushing, brain numbing jungle of cubicles. Like a boss.


"Saving up my credit card rewards for two years", you realize that statement doesnt justify anything? It only means youve spent a lot of money in the last two years. Especially since I assume you dont have the expenses of a family and probably paid for your girlfriends food. A couple thousand?


>>gay brother

>dick in the end

lol


I just Lol'd, have an upvote.


> Edit: Oh ok, I shoulda read all the comments.

No. You just keep doing what you do. Commenters like you are why I joined reddit years ago, and the rest of the people here are why I rarely go into comment pages anymore.


ima lick that dat cat like a lemon then it'll be like im licking pussy rofl upvote if u agree


Sooner than expected.


False, OP is a guy, see below.


Where are all these introverts that can't answer "I'm good. How are you?"


See so abuse is abuse no matter where it happens or who is doing it.

So if animal abuse is allowed with the requirement that they be animals we are eating, why do animal abuse laws put me in jail for killing my dog and eating it?

The hypocrisy is why I hate animal cruelty laws. Why can't I hurt my animals if a huge factory can torture theirs?


I can agree to this. I've never done *Illegal drugs in my life, however I wouldn't be against the legalization of marijuana. I still wouldn't smoke it, only because that's my personal preference (I don't smoke), but I wouldn't be against anyone who did.


But its real, don't worry. (really, it is. I'm in a state where people suck at driving but aren't assholes about it like some other states.)


"Eyy, we'll always be in your heart mang"


You sound like my dick.


Voice messages preferably. Try to do a pedophile voice while constantly licking your lips.


Proof or it didn't happen.  :D just wanna see sexy pictures really.


>... [VIOLA](http://math.fau.edu/viola/photo2viola.jpg), she found my reddit account!


I feel this would not have happened if she had only been more selective of her boyfriends, or *gasp* waited until marriage lol.


Her impeccable acting skills also makes this commercial unwatchable


As someone who shoots game (and is likely going into the Marines) I think this is the last thing I'm thinking about while I'm waiting, especially if it is a life and deaths situation. But hey, I guess it gives you IT guys something to think about.


This reminds me of that asylum challenge where you stick 8 Sims (with 100% free will) in a small house with no door to the outside, one oven and insufficient beds. Seeing them slowly lose their minds and burn each other accidentally with the oven is just so entertaining. Extra fun to bet on whoever will end up being the last one alive. I like to think that it's like Big Brother but with murder.


sorry you're overweight bro :(


I see what you did there


FALSE: ALL sexes appreciate boobies

The chances of offense are always in favour of boobs


I give it a 4/10.

Better luck next time.


Bucholz. That guy's Canadian and the maple leaf on their flag is red. Who do they think they're fooling?


It is not mine it is a friend of mines OC, I was testing to see what would happen if I reposted with the exact title as his.


The reasoning of a cunt.


Sorry if I have offended you. If it make you feel better I can call you names, you little pissant shit bag fucktard, get a life and off reddit. You mom hates you. Opinions are like you, assholes, and everyone has one.

Edit: I can't spell pissant!


I was trying to prolong my poop, but that made me chuckle really hard and it came out so I have to go back to talk to my family


You sound like you'd swallow anything if it meant you could be a part of something bigger. Are you a trending atheist?


I know. That wasn't what I was saying.

I was saying that parents often don't notice if their kid is different


Nah, Cornbino is here to stay.. unfortunately


Holy shit, I've noticed girls in the 10-13 year range doing this at my local waterpark. This never occurred to me.

STOP IT


Angst?  No, I'm just not a filthy humanist.


YOU DROPPED ME BUT I STILL LOVE YOU


Quit saying dumb shit like this, please. It's a serious situation that is very real.


But you gotta show'em who's Alpha!


And you are what league again? Bronze? um... ok.


It always starts with pennies in the automatic door.


beat me to it

edit: ughhh right in the karma


For me it's the exact opposite. Can't stand fat chicks who think they are skinny.


and [this](http://images.sodahead.com/polls/000780853/polls_Blog_Obama_Ugly_4331_53251_answer_10_xlarge.jpeg) creature was actually elected President!


When you fly, if you're cutting it close, you're late.


It's okay, the landlord has ways of getting... "payment"


Probably not in that order, if you're using the same washcloth.


A town hall meeting with a senator is the exact right place to protest. You have let yourself get manipulated by a politician who shamelessly used the heroism of a veteran to avoid dealing with his constituents. Sad you would support the politicization of veterans this way, you are worse than you allege The protesters to be.


This is the greatest advice I've ever seen proffered on reddit.


I would rather have a husband and a bad sex life, than be single in my 30s.


I highly recommend not buying your groceries at the dollar store


No gays allowed here buddy. Back to the LGBT with you. In other news, I'd wreck the hell out of your sister.


5th dimension entity here. That zuloykon was a ghorbeshitox.


i hope you enjoy paying for a meaningless piece of paper.


Best nice try I've seen, ever.


That's not what he said, he clearly has major issues and there is no reason this comment should be so highly rated.


dude, I just found 412 pictures of my mom doing a duckface and that my  dad spent his whole time making a load of misogynist comments on reddit.com


Are you saying rape is an acceptable thing to fantasize about?


Jesus Christ, I can imagine him saying "I was not expecting brilliance." in that god voice.


You'd respond with violence to what is a pretty common way of greeting strangers in many parts of the world?  edit: EPIC downvotes!


Jesus christ that would be difficult to figure out how to censor.

"Hey boss, do we censor this nipple?"

"How is that even a question? According to regulations, all female nipples must be censored. So unless it's a dude-nipple, censor it."

"Well it's a dude, but then he's getting breast implants, so it turns into a chick-nipple."

"...fuck."


No she probably didn't know either.
You will be surprised how many teacher are clueless. Many of them are female, coincidentally.


This would make the best Dr. Pepper commercial of all time.


Just because the stuff depicted is awful doesn't mean you should be


Yeah, but it was mostly because I just didn't know what to do next. It was panic cunnilingus.


He questioned the validity of something and saw fit to remove it based on that question. Something that is of doubtful validity has no purpose on Wikipedia.


Half Life 3 is actually winrar, and has been out for several years now, but no one has bought it yet...


Thats assuming the meme has been used correctly. I was implying that it was not.


Your town knows how to party


someone is very opinionated. I hope the numbers didnt make you mad lmfao.


Cause of death: plot progression.


Traffic stops are used as a way to make contact with citizens to see if other crimes are being committed.


How can you have any pudding if you don't beat your meat?!


Why as a Manchester City fan is it 'tough' for you to see Milan leave San Siro? Not to mention they're going to moving into a beast of a stadium anyway.


How crazy would it be if Molly showed up during one of their romps to witness 2 people dressed up like her fucking each other.

I don't know if I would be freaked out or super complimented...mixed emotions for sure.


because I spend most of my day looking at a thesaurus so I can feel smart by putting people down while using unconventional words.


Identity theft is NOT a joke!


Yeah but it's literally not there, its in pics


What do you call a sleep walking nun?

Roman Catholic


le risky click

EDIT: Downvotes? Really?


He says with a smirk: "I was straight laced and circumspect"

Absolutely not true.


Go get one to wash out that burthurt.


At least he died doing what he loved.

Getting shot.


I hate people like you. The dog should suffer because the owners are negligent? You. Are. A. Prick.


I like how you walked off like a heroic movie badass at the end.


didnt you want someone to get cancer in a lol game?


You probably overcooked them


You shouldn't use 'autistic' as a pejorative. It's very rude and there was no need for it.


There was a scene cut out of the movie that explains it. All of human computer technology is based off of the OS found in the ship in Area 51.


or don't.  We're nicer than that here.


That's what you think.


what makes you think hes an ex user..? I smoked heroin and worked out for several months before I quit and during that time I added 120 lbs to the bench and burned fat from muscle memory noob gains. It was like taking a diet pill lol.


the amount i sweat hasn't (unfortunately) changed, so singlets are always a safer bet haha!


No. Shut up and get out. Now. No don't stop to try and respond with what you think is your own clever wit just leave. That's it, now shut the door. Don't Look at me just go. Geeze what a dick.


Or the thing you want if you need to get rid of someone...


Zach Braff is a huge asshole. There, I said it.


"What edition of Windows are we up to?"
"Dunno... 10? Close enough."


we don't know every scumbag on the internet personally like you do... some of us are just amused that it's there anyway.


why did i laugh so hard


aaaaaaand that's precisely the difference between you and the people who worked for that $20,000,000. they worked hard and continue to work hard all their lives, you, on the other hand, are a lazy waste of breath waiting for your fat check in the mail so you can retire and spend your days circlejerking to bullshit propaganda on r/politics


Gym etiquette would dictate you wipe of the seat after use. I'm very disappointed in you.


She's pretty cute, I'd let her blow me if she can cover those big ass teeth with her lips.


The title is shitty? Butthurt because he doesn't like husky as much as you? Fucking prick


Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness.
BUT WHAT WOULD I WEAR?!

Edit: Tis from How the Grinch stole christmas! [Here's the scene!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VarlV8dP6ak)


Non-words, like "misandry" and "hypocrite" (when applied to someone CASABed), have any definition a GSM wants to give them.

Only cis-sexist patriarchs like you fail to understand.

DIE CIS SCUM!


Fuck yea, and tell reddit when it airs. I would watch this.


It's not like he was the matador. That's cruel. That's like saying you're on the side of a lion that escaped and injured some random zoo visiter who was just looking at the lion.


    "The prettiest girl
    in school" is probably true.
    She is beautiful.


If it wasn't supposed to be attractive, why is it only done by sluts?


Great. Now, I can't watch that anymore.

Thanks a lot, buddy.


Its on their front page, and after greenduch got erika shadowbanned gnaa attacked the lgbt irc channel. Hope this helps. Shill.


Impressive girth. If he wasn't stealing cable, guy could have made a living laying pipe.


I can tell how dumb someone is by their opinion of HD and/or Husky.

You're as dumb as a bucket of shrimp.


I was going down on an ex once and she farted right when she came. I was going down on her and she arched her back when it hit her. Her butt came right up to my open mouth. It sounded like a duck call.


Damnit, I thought for sure I'd be the first person to think of that.


Gorilla? You sick fuck.


It's so easy to troll people like you...it's not even enjoyable...


To infinity, and your mom!


The positive score says otherwise fuckhead.


What would be the point of the government doing that?


God you're so pathetic.

Typical idiot on the internet who starts attacking personal life when you know nothing about me.

This is stupid,I'm not gonna even reply anymore in this thread.


I guess she thought I was Aladdin.


Wow!  Can't believe how many upvotes that's receiving on a "skeptic" subreddit...

http://www.criticalthinking.org.uk/tigerrepellantrock/


Well I'm raised by my parents, but you don't see them standing in the background, waving, when I take a selfie in a strip club with a boob in my eye.


So I guess "god i hate mtg players" is appropriate here


"Are you cheating on me?"

...

"6"


Actually the person of indeterminate gender, but make whatever assumptions you like.


Logged in just to upvote this.


IT IS YOU WHO GIVE US CANADIANS A BAD NAME!


WTF? no it doesn't. That's complete horseshit. That saying has nothing to do with being poor. I dare you to find evidence to the contrary.


Continued touching of the clitoris post-orgasm. I will bash your skull in without a second thought.


Except that in those facebook conversations the insults are usually coming from the religionists while the rationalist tries to reason with them. And if not they get called out.


You swallow 28 spiders in your lifetime. Always 28. If you are about to die and you've only swallowed 4 spiders, 24 spiders arrive at once.


Did anyone else notice the near exact downvote numbers for these three comments?  14, 15, 15 at the time of this comment.


If water kills you and you travel in the nude to a planet where it rains, you're gonna have a bad time.


I've been in 7 years and I don't get a bonus if I reenlist. Maybe they used to but not anymore and probably only real shitty jobs get a bonus and I'm fine with that.


The worst part? You definitely were moaning and making sex noises in your sleep. *Everyone knew.*


Oh !  Ok.... You have talked the sense right into me.  Thank you for setting me straight


Upvolts for everyone!


We still haven't received anything.


Im doing this for my 26th birthday.


Why would you say something like that? You're an asshole


Actually, I'M Average-at-best.


I started noticing that becoming the case around 3 years ago. It's a personal observation, take it as such.


Your boss is very likely going to see this.


oh shut up you gaylord.


I remember going through the catalog of scholarships and it was SO bizarre how specific they could be - I remember "Lithuanian Catholic" as one. White middle class girl studying business? No game.


I laughed buddy, good job.


Exactly. The wording is all off, too. This was written by a teenage redditor and not the educated deviants behind Anonymous.


Just man the fuck up.


When you're the guy that people turn to when shit goes down...that's when you're a man


Very nice, upvote for you sir


Then they're all like, "OMFG WATER'S THE TOTAL SHIT"


eh he was just flirting, it's kind of what people do when they are interested in someone.


Or they feel all the pain and are just incapacitated and cant struggle because of it.


America, stop overthrowing Governments!


This isn't a joke, he can't Kayne Jest.


wait. r/4chan doesnt like dolan jokes? I think they funny.


CLAIRE UNDERWOOD 2020


/4chans was slightly more inventive

world peace etc.


Her: WTF were you thinking?  You bought a $50,000 car on our credit card??!?!

Me: Hold on, before we can continue this argument, I need sex.


dafuq is an ovaltine?


Or this is what the future holds: http://i.imgur.com/B8sHw.png


True Christianity is a bullshit meaningless phrase happily spouted by nearly every single Christian.


"30 mag got my glock looking like a hockey stick BITCH"


MOMMMMYYYY!!!!! NO TOUCH VAGINIA!!!!! WEDDIT, WAT ID DA APETOL SCIENCE HANDHEWD POLTOL DEVICE?????? GOO GOO!!!!


Straight male here. I was thinking the same thing.


It wasn't a forgone conclusion before this. It still might not be. If Peterson wants out of Minnesota, he wants release to be on the table.  Then again, the Vikings could just be trying to bait an offer for AP. If there's a chance he could be released some teams might not make huge offers. That's kind of what happened to Revis and DeSean Jackson last year.


press f to pay respects


Me too. Same with "male." In my opinion, they're strictly adjectives.

Although, it has entered common usage as a noun and is now technically acceptable in casual settings.


Reddit, the bar has been raised.


oh look, a typical shit bird boston fan


"sorry, but none of yall niggas is getting off at Belmont today"


"Manspreading" on the *subway* is an example of misandry. Why does it matter what gender the spreader is? Why single out men?


Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!


You can be good friends without hugging and leaning and hat switching. Its a bit much.


I hate it when people come into my room uninvented


Well said. I find it ironic that so many lesbians get extremely pissed off when a straight guy hits on them, yet so many want to go out of their way to usher in the same straight dudes into gay spaces if they wear a dress.


Yes. In a couple years, you'll be able to pop a sugar pill and regrow a finger or toe or an entire limb in a few decades.


May Satan preserve your soul for generations.


...which means dick. They will just manufacture a parallel story for when they *do* make busts with thermal cams. "Oh, we got a tip from the local crackhead."

edit: for all you fuckbois callin me out, here:

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parallel_construction


Does anyone else find the word "homophobic" annoying as fuck?  Most people who are against gay rights are not fearful of homosexuals.

[Heterosexism](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heterosexism) is a much more accurate term.


Look at how many replies are blaming nebulous "hipsters" for causing these trends. Because if there's one thing hipsters love, it's the mainstream.

I've got an extension which replaces 'SJW' with 'skeleton', I think there should be one that does the same for 'hipster' and 'someone who does something I don't like.'


> pounding it on a park bench

Okay. There's a Pedobear joke in here somewhere.

EDIT: Worth it...

EDIT2: Still worth it...


1. See comment by probablyhittingonyou

2. Try and think of something to say

3. Come up with nothing

4. Go with default: Ask if he is hitting on someone


Without the right to secede there's no freedom.  Any entity that is a member of a union but does not have the right to leave is not free.


yes and trying to text only makes you excel at driving with other parts of your body


I didn't realize proper english was using a style of writing and talking that people don't use anymore, in order to be an asshole and feel superior to someone that obviously doesn't give a fuck how you're righting. Trying to sound witty and superior by not using the language "kids" (despite OP being in his low-to-mid 20's) use today.


Quesadillas are essentially just a shovel for sour cream.


the real starcraft! no this shitty game with auto mining, and graphics and stuff. there are not even lurkers in this game.


I was in Bremen for a college conference. 2am, drunk, in the town square. Not a car in sight, and their hasn't been one in some time. Me and an Irish guy cross diagonally across the intersection and realize we lost our group... All the germans were waiting patiently for the crosswalk sign.

We laughted hysterically until they caught up. Lol, Germans and their rules.


Hard to respect a volume 37% shooter


This is how people become attracted to their Mums.


And you calling me a douchebag, because i called someone who doesnt exist a faggot, is okay then?


That's legally classified as rape.

From the FBI's Uniform Crime Report's definition of rape: “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”


Of course he's joking. *He's just a bad negotiator.* My last job I negotiated 28 days paid vacation, plus another 13 paid holidays, plus 21 sick days (which carry over and add up next year if I don't use them), plus 40 maternity days if necessary, plus 3 personal days for a total (potential) of 105 paid days off.

That's right ... *21 weeks* - out of 52.


He's an addict. Y'all got any more of them RBs?


How dare you question the details of the story. This elite, big dicked, hacker that makes 200k+ a year and has sex with his gorgeous wife 4 times a week and gives her multiple orgasms each time would never lie to us and truly needs our support right now.

*edit Nice, gilded. That's a first, thanks stranger.


>KONY2012 GUY has been caught MASTURBATING IN PUBLIC, NAKED

This a hurtful sensationalist spin on what is clearly a serious medical illness, likely an nervous breakdown complicated by dehydration or bipolar mania.

Kony2012 is about empathy perhaps we could show some here.


"I SWEAR TO GOD YOU CAN HAVE MY GEAR IF YOU JUST *SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR TWO FUCKING SECONDS!*"


I want Infiniminer to get the proper recognition and compensation he is due. HE made Minecraft more than Notch made Minecraft. If Infiniminer never existed, Minecraft wouldn't have ever been made.


The only reason you ask this is because the camera crops out the black guy's jordans and the white guy's socks and sandals


Which would result in a downvote, right? I mean I was at 2. Now I'm at 1. So, you technically downvoted me. So, you downvoted me you son of a bitch. Looks like you and me are having problems.


Soon as I saw Denny's, I knew they would be black guys and large white women.


C'mon, boys!  You haven't been fascist enough!  I'm not below the viewing threshold yet!

And, PLEASE, don't refute my arguments at all!  That would be completely ludicrous for you to do such a logical thing!  It would actually be an intelligent thing to do instead of just modding me down because you don't like what I said, and that would ruin our wonderful plan!


And the police were called due to biologically contaminating the place, right?


Fun fact, why does it matter?

Also, that's pretty obviously a guy.


I see what you did there.


You have to understand that Kotaku is interested in quality over quantity. If you are just going to cause trouble or create drama then why would they want you? You may disagree with what their perception of quality is or take issue with the execution, but I do think that what they are trying to do is a good thing and their heart is in the right place.


Matterhorn smells of ice, wind, and freedom. Do you hate ice and wind or is it just freedom... I bet it's freedom


Because the poster there wasn't a scumbag like the poster here is, obviously.


When this would happen to me, I would accidentally lose their credit card number in a random place.

And by 'accidentally lose', I mean tape it up on the payphone.

And by 'random place', I mean the liquor store where all the meth addicts hang out front.


OK, I did. They said no.


"His girlfriend had a cane-able butt."

Edit for butt


>their

(fixed your grammar for you. you can thank me later)

edit: what's with the down votes? can't stand being wrong? lol


They're about to start installing those analysers in UK airports, because way too much water and other drinks are being thrown away.


ERMAGERD chicken walk on lava!


Haha, it's funny because Detroit is a shithole.


Up-voted due to extreme truth of statement, "Definitely a better story than twilight".


She must have been a real hit with the teachers.


I've seen the Avengers four times.

I know where it's from.

The only possible spoiler is that Loki is adopted, which was revealed in the movie Thor.

Please get off my internet lawn, boy.


>the girls is cute
>
the guy isn't ugly

I love how society works.


Stop with this ad hominem attacks. This isn't about me its about that poor woman and her suffering.


Yep. The winter formula is different because it has pumpkin spice added to it.


I downvoted you because your contribution to this thread is valueless.


Unfortunately appropriate username


I thought the joke was about the whole no working legs thing.


Don't forget the guy with the sandwich...

(╯'°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻   三(°つ° )


You don't have intercourse with a creature that fine.

You bring in your team of specialists. Gangbang bukkake is what she wants.


Yeah... "accidentally" dropped it directly where you were standing.


ha downvoted this;0p can someone buy me reddit gold ;0p


My dad says its like being a chef who spends a long time lovingly and carefully making a wonderful pot of soup, hoping that one day a fine, upstanding gentleman customer will come along, ask your permission and then respectfully have some of the soup. But then, suddenly some spotty little wanker comes along and puts his dick in it.


and dump CJ, get a backup PG with more heart


Clearly, one of them hasn't grown up.


Where is that evident. She said they were exclusive, yet dating via Skype and exclusive. Give me a break.


And people smoking next to small children.


He got a lot of compliments. But Woody and Jessie didn't like it so much.


i had no idea.... even today i still question my presence in the electronic music world.... i suppose thats natural.


So, let's say, fifteen years from now, I've failed to become CEO of Google, after pursuing it. Where am I? What is likely the outcome of this?


If I could remove it, toss it in boiling water for 10 minutes, and reattach it before anal play, I totally would.


I used to fak u gooby, but then I took an arrow to the bogs!


I don't think it is ever mean to try to see good in people.


I respect her plenty, if the situations were reversed I would not be upset by her asking me to cover more.


You think India cares about biodiversity?


SG you fuck put up some streams of porn


Whenever I hear "Guy Fieri", I always think of [this](http://cdn.firstwefeast.com/assets/2014/07/life.jpg)


These are on of the types i DONT want to play with.... had to stop the video after a few secs. I just cant stand screaming ppl, hyping sth up etc. :/


I think I just attempted to mate with my computer screen on impulse.


thanks for setting up my punchline

/r/theydidthemath


SHE WAS HITTING ON YOU


Well.. if i ever see a shaco on my team with a tier 1 badge ill just afk.


Lol who are these girls that are asking for consent from their own boyfriends smh

"Ok I'm going to get on top of you now, is that ok Steven?"

"Ok Steven I'm now going to kiss you and grab your bum, is that alright?"

"Hi Steven I'm going to put your dick in my mouth for a bit, do you have a problem with that?"


because OP is a faggot.


Archived comments bitch


I have a "connected nerve" in my left ear, so when I go a little deep, the back of my tongue gets tickled and I can't help but cough and hack. But my right ear's fine and it feels amazing


lolwut?  I haven't deleted anything.

Please, stop raging, calm down, and write something comprehensible.  Writing shit like "tee hee" makes you more like a faggot douche.


One night I forgot to turn off my swag, and I woke up covered in bitches.


Careful now, The downvote sheep will be gathering...


As a father myself, fuck you. My kids are some of the best things to ever happen to me. In fact, just today I found out that out of everyone *I* am the best father in the world, I have a card to prove it and everything.


The fact that a stick covered part of his face from the point of view of the camera doesn't mean that it hit him. And even if it did, last time I checked, getting ever-so-slightly tapped on the chin doesn't make your legs fly out from under you.


The shitty tips or the balls on the steering wheels?


Yeah, all the homosexuality, none of the guilt, amiright??


I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that you are and insensitive bastard.


negative 5 so much commie salt.


What is wrong with nightmares? They're like good horror films that you actually believe are real, and then you wake up unharmed with something to think about.


Show some respect and capitalize God, and do not take the name of the Lord in Vain. Otherwise +1 for the Sir Mix-a-lot reference!

edit: Wow, no respect for God? Why all the downvotes? :(


*Must have a flexible schedule, be willing to swallow your pride, bend over backwards, and have strong oral communication skills.*


Then upvote it and move on. This is getting too common.

Edit: ah ffs


"Hans, are...are we the baddies?"


I'm the same way in BF3 with mortars, I almost never hit anything :( Out of the probably hundreds of shells I have fired, I've killed only one tank.


If I find myself with an accumulation of change, sometimes I pre-pay a soda machine and walk away. It's the little things.


I used to go for the negative comment karma record, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


You can download 33 of them from iTunes. "They" are working on setting up the remaining 67 episodes. A couple days ago, I hoped to download Space Exploration, but it's not there yet. It's coming along with the others... Stay tuned.


People feeding the homeless is why we still *have* homeless. Bad guy Bill.


Turns out James Franco is exactly as I'd imagined him.


That dangerous thinking. It is a big deal, that leak should have never happened in the first place. Next time the thing that should have never happened in the first place will be the failure of containing the leak.

There can't be mistakes with nuclear power.


OMG, WHERE'S THE TOTEM!?!??!?!?


Yeah, and to Hell with the life you've created in it!

I accept all of your downvotes with gusto.


If I had a dollar for every time I had no idea what was going on,
I'd wonder why people were giving me dollars.


I literally laughed out loud...up vote for you

Edit: Damn.. juggalos be all mad. My first negative comment.. EEK.. i'm so happy.


Me, half-awake: "I can always get another job."

*Falls back to sleep*


Thanks for your input, Glenn Beck


Eat the booklet that comes with the CD of the new album.


well...one full team and one player.  They named James Harden player of the month in the West, Hawks player of the month in the east.  not two full teams

edit: oh my god everybody, i get it.  i missed the joke.  glad everyone got a kick outta my stupidity but please stop blowing up my inbox or i'll delete my admittedly laughable comment


Maybe he didn't really like his family.


Is there a setting for consuming sperm orally? Because if there is, you most definitely have it switched on, blanco nino.


Jenny is too busy doing other things at the moment...


Yeah, you'd think rioting would be ENCOURAGED...


10/10. Would wat again.


Psh, I've seen/made bigger.


You mean the best luck you've ever had?


> a few bad apples

I thought you guys didn't accept this kind of reasoning?


How would you apply the torque to turn sideways?


Yep, I recognised it from Between Two Ferns.  Doesn't make it a less shitty comment.


This pun thread was going along great, but jihad to go and ruin it.


I find it's heavily biased against the Tories.


He's like 60% sure he probably won't. Plus you can report him if he does. I don't see how this isn't a win-win situation


He got a harsher sentence than thousands of rapists, child molesters, and murderers have gotten.


More like, who cares please.  Can the gay agenda take a day off once in a while?


Let's crash this motherfucker like the Hindenburg.


*One day he may find himself stranded out in the desert in combat and needing to run 10+ miles in full combat gear*

What a heroic scene you just painted. Good enough to be a GO ARMY commercial.


Pencil-holders coming soon, plus other goodies for Christmas time.

"When I eat, it is the food that is scared."


I bet every single one of your talking points is a lie.  Women love lying.  I have never met a woman that does not lie in just about everything she says.


TIL: Watching porn to learn sex moves is like watching the X-Games to learn how to ride a bike.


That's some lazy ass shit.

Edit: Fuck all ya'll for upvoting "That's some redneck shit" and downvoting this OBVIOUS callback to that joke.


I didn't know he was capable of producing a stern look any more.  I thought he was stuck on mildly surprised.


just think - we were SOOO CLOSE to never having to see that film.  curse the fates and their cruel sense of irony!


Flying too close to the sun, Walt.


I'm tired of this pseudo-dank "call out offensive usernames  when ever they say anything" may-may


Ladies and gents, the original artist!


When I met Sheth...

I threw up because his disgusting fat body and huge tits sickened me


Wow... this is even more unnerving than the video.


Yea i know, but there is no chance at all


>Don't quote me on this but isn't it in 1 hour? (6:00pm UK time)

-carter2791


I can't believe I have to actually spell this out letter-by-letter for you. LACK OF CONSENT = RAPE. So yes, that would be raping her. So would her having sex with you, BECAUSE YOU ARE DRUNK AND CANNOT CONSENT. Jesus fucking christ.


"He's tired from fucking your wife" is the only acceptable response.


Would you like to be called middle aged?


That happened to my retainers.


Congrats on regurgitating exactly what she wrote. She made it abundantly clear that she's an unreliable narrator. The worst thing you could do for her is just tell her what she wants to hear.


Well, that's redundant.


True. However the fact that parents are allowing kids to eat these candies is insane, eating this type of candy destroys your teeth.


There's a measure of irony in reddit traffic crashing a "how to quit reddit" page.


Screw you guys (-:
Nobody gives a fuck about karma anymore :-)
This post is 100% real or OP wouldn't have posted it (-:

I am **downvoting** the above two comments for creating speculation within a very **real** thread :-)

NINJA EDIT: If this post reaches -100 I will edit out the smiley faces


Hold on gimme a second I'm raping a blonde girl at a party (totally not calling this bitch)


Not really. There had to be a first or second. Why should I care about a screenshot of someone's loadout?


At my movie theater, $5 wouldn't get you a small...


You're fucking dumb dude


Haha, my boyfriend does that all the time. "Heirloom tomatoes? Plum tomatoes you are! Tangerines? You are now Navel oranges!"

I just shake my head. Tsk tsk.


June and 430 the Puppey/KKY of the East?


You should have joined in quietly and seen how long it took for them to notice


Hahaha, sorcery? Is that a joke? There is no such thing as sorcery. This is science. The air is compressed and shoots at the cups. The smoke is not magic but simply shows where the air is going, dipshit.


My ex: "I'm pregnant."

Me: "What!? How? You're on the pill!"

Ex: "Oh, I stopped taking those a while ago. Don't worry, though, the baby's *probably* yours."

This is a true story. So, yeah. Get the fuck out of there.


The punctuation changes the sentence. entirely. Keppo


> shagged

Must be legit, he's British.


Because I will NEVER go to circle jerk


upvote because you said >We were all really excited, because we like food in my family.


Hahahahahahahahahahahah!

Edit: added H at the end for continuity.


That would've been grand, just grand
Edit: yes my pun army, now we got the streets suckas!


no one cares how you feel


Technically we are in space, so...
*3, 2, 1 let's jam!*


Ummm..ok, but doesn't everything feel amazing when high on MDMA? I'd even bet smashing your balls with a hammer also feels good, but I don't see an epidemic of that...

Well, okay, spacedicks, but that should hardly count.


Its actually amazing how often people say "hooch is crazy" on reddit


Why not, why would a dog be less important than a child?


Nevermind the fact that it's poisonous, that thing looks like a dehydrated scrotum.


Get back in the kitchen cos you're not getting anything done in the bedroom.


TIL when my sister texts me "heyyyy" she wants to fuck.........**&#3232;_&#3232;**


I used to be angry at her, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Don't you talk shit on floor pizza you bastard.


Stop taking the internet and a distraction like movies so seriously.


After a couple years of owning a cat you just end up getting enjoyment from watching it fuck things up and make your life harder.


>willymo 5 points 17 days ago

Sir, I think you've had enough reddit for today.

Yet, you still got upvotes? I'm so confused.


How is this hatred irrational?

I hear some people say "Oh, its comedy for black people!  They find it funny."  I asked some black people to confirm this....they could not.


Was just cluing you guys in on why they did it. You guys probably spammed and annoyed them once you saw the original's preview so they changed it to the cat to goof on him.


Coming this Fall: **Car Spangled Banner**

Edit: Awww. Thanks for the gold. <3 You can be an executive producer!


Sadly this was a below average joke


Remember to bring your own stash of mammals.


Downvote this for replying to an obvious joke. *whooooosh!*


I'd like to hear that conversation with the cops.

"hey, umm.. This person on the Internet keeps posting a picture of me sleeping at work, and it's not cool. Can you guys stop her please? "


This thread is 4 months old. Go do something else with your time.


My wife was a delivery room nurse.  Once, when stitching up, the doctor said "And an extra stitch for Daddy".  My wife then said "How about an extra inch for Mommy?".


Excuse me sir, if these little things are annoying you, let me sugest you some sex.


Vietnam would have turned out a little different...


I gave up up on weight loss recently anyway. I cant balance work and gym and I suck at not eating food I enjoy it is really the only pleasure in life I have. I've come to grips that i got to soon walk away with something i've put 6 years of my life into.


I'll settle for the username


I think I will fuck YOU. Let the fucking cats alone.

Edit: fuck you people,

Edit 2: FUCK YOU EVERY FUCKING BODY

[OP] (http://i.imgur.com/yIyJibw.jpg)


It was Kevin. I figured most people wouldn't know the difference...


I know, because someone has already corrected me. Whereas you're just being a dick about it.


1v1 rust quickscopes only m8


It's nice to see your a fucking idiot, idiot.


you mean "Chugga Chugga CHOO CHOO". Vat ze fuck is wrong with you


What do they teach? Head Cutting Off 101?


Soon every female on every dating website will receive dozens of these messages.


Is it crippleware like unity where you can't edit assets, or was he just lazy?


Earth apples are my favorite food.

Edit - I'll save the helpful translators some time with a hint. I'm from Canada.


LOL people still read, WTF??? Being serious here but why fucking bother? It takes ages and is a waste of time... just wait till the movie comes out, it will be even better with actors and special effects etc, and only takes 2 hours instead of 2 weeks...


It's a dark comedy based in the charity world...it's about doing bad in the name of good.


I'd take out the first question mark and the hat, because it's not spanish.


What about Tyler Perry's Ugly Midgets?


Considering Xbox 360 has the title for best looking console game to date (Crysis 2 [Yes, the PS3 version does look worse, I compared them with a friend]), this now has no validity. Have another downvote.


NEXT ON ESPN 8 "THE OCHO"


Excuse me? Zerg being extinct, Terran trying to defend cheeses and Protoss using dirty abilitys all in one video. But yeah you're right this videos discribes Sc2. 365 days of starcraft = summed up in 10 extremely well edited minutes but with awful footage. No wonder SC2 is dying.


Yeezy taught me ^^^how ^^^to ^^^be ^^^relevant ^^^fast


Hah, I get it, MSNBC said something completely retarded, so they must be on the same level as the biggest fearmongering propaganda machine on television.

Tonight at 11: Are whale biologists secretly indoctrinating your children to become Muslim extremists by raping them with a Qur'an?


"I've fucked guys bigger than you" Badassery.


Playing stupid characters != being stupid


We haven't written one yet. Its gotta be a down and dirty, non union movie. $100,000 tops! Don't rush us. We just finished our album.