I was at a wedding two days ago and it was an open bar. I just turned 21 and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about so I ordered a cosmo. That shit was delicious. My dad told me I shouldn't be ordering "ladies' drinks" and I said, "Well then they shouldn't make the ladies' drinks taste so damn good!"


Here's a spoiler: Nolan is a talentless hack. The only reason Dark Knight gets praise is because of Heath Ledger's chilling performance as the Joker.


If the smell of your jeans is noticeable to you, it's probably been noticeable to people around you for at least a week.


>Sry, about your mom.

Seriously?  You couldn't have just typed out *Sorry*?

What the fuck is wrong with people?

EDIT: Wow, this is depressing.  I've been posting on reddit for over three years now, always trying hard to contribute intelligent, helpful, or humorous content.  Yet, this mindless troll post attracts more attention than any of the posts into which I've put any thought.


I have a fitness band that vibrates with the alarm so it's a fairly subtle wake up before the BLASTING alarm that requires me to leave the bedroom to turn off. Less stressful on the heart ;)


Still distasteful . Dad jokes aren't supposed to be rude and this joker (OP) is insisting that someone settled for someone and that's foolish.


Sup bro we can talk :)

Edit: Well this blew up overnight, thank you reddit, seriously the people who replied to this, hit me up with a pm I'm an Aussie so my times are weird but I'd love to chat.


so in other words hes a fuckin sellout and bottomed out after "elf".


I swear your ^D looks bigger than mine?

Edit: *Of course* my gold cherry would be popped in the man with 12'' penis AMA... thank you mysterious benefactor, it hurts so good.


LOL console casual found!!!
edit:seems gta v by filthy non console worshipping peasants.

Its people like /r/gaming that make mario cry :(

edit2:still got over 800 karma points,bet you guys cant make me lose em all!


Should've just stuck with ''her royal highness'' it does the job for you.


No, you being a cunt makes you hateful.


Knowledge is power, France is bacon.


but if it adds value to the thread then what is the problem? Is there a rule of reddit which says you must only comment on threads which are recent?


Bro you might be a dog


this is why apple passed microsoft in profit.


Yes but in Jaws 4 they actually moved to a different city to escape the shark when any 4 sided building would have worked remarkably.


i once spent money on a girlfriend but then i took an arrow too the knee.


/r/shittyaskscience would be proud.


"Do you wanna build a snowman"

FTFY


I need to see ALL OF YOU in my office IMMEDIATELY.


The karma train is stuck in reverse.


We don't all live in muddy bogs. Many of us go from pavement to tile to linoleum and so on. Do you think Americans are retarded and can't tell when their shoes are dirty? If they're dirty or the homeowner wishes it, you take them off. If you've been walking on carpet all day, wearing your shoes indoors isn't going to turn your house into a guano-riddled cave.


They have special therapy centers for those with deranged sneezes. You owe it to your boyfriend and to yourself to look into this...


"We have a lot in common James Dean for example." We're dealing with the real mccoy here, ladies and gents.


Is your girlfriend a big gal?


That's quite a bullet point on your next resume: "Finalized legal documentation for 500mil+ acquisition deal for GE."


Why don't you kiss up to the mods even more, you damn jew? "Oh, this was a very fast response time! Reward me!!"

Shut the fuck up.


yeah I can see it just fine


It's not a novelty account, it's a Bane song. Contrary to popular belief, one's username does not have to define oneself.


The first few rounds were off-target, and gave the pirates a chance to change direction...which they did not. Due to the lack of immediate direction change, fire was re-directed onto target.
Warning shots are not code for "let's talk", they're code for "you have merely seconds to convince me to let you live".


The fourth panel of that image just goes to show how huge of propaganda that show and most popular television shows are.

Just the look on her face, like "Come on idiots, they're vegetables, eat vegetables you unhealthy idiots, God you're all so stupid, you would all be dead if it weren't for my television sage wisdom."

Glee is obvious propaganda, and pure trash.


Its somewhere near "the female vagine"


>I was suicidal the second day.

Umm... toughen up, dude.

EDIT: Redditors are pussies.


Really Penis_Overlord?  You don't like sex for sex, Penis_Overlord?  I find this hard to believe.

Penis_Overlord.


Trying to prevent an electric shock of a possibly drowning child? I'd send you home too. Shame on you.


http://i.imgur.com/9yP0gK6.png

What about this? Hmm?

> I reverse google searched

No you haven't.

> It's much simpler to just type the title if you know it.

No. It's better for everyone to teach people how to find their answers on the internet instead of teaching them to expect to be spoonfed every single time.


They adapted to a classless society with no leader just like he taught them. Thus the first communist dog pack was born.


I think it's destructive to reinforce your false belief that you can't talk to girls. You were probably closer to breaking through this phobia before that...


I read the "Likewise" in his voice.


shits shits shits

      ▲

    ▲ ▲

now?


I live in Canada and we do it out of the goodness of our goddamned heart.


you dont know what the fuck your talking about so why dont you shut the fuck up faggot


Sounds biblical, lol.


What's your beef with PETA? I've volunteered with both, and both are helping animals incredibly.


Third Eye Bl....nevermind


what's with all the downvotes? Are you guys trying to say the mom isn't attractive? I too would hit dat caringmotherobject sideways.


What a noble sacrifice you offered.


No, he doesn't. The movie demographics mean that there are no good roles for "older" women. Russell Crowe has no special insight and certainly cannot read actresses' minds. So this is just a pointless slam.


No, but it's crossed my mind that I already know what her sister looks like naked.


I just love how you're bragging about impregnating your girlfriend. It just really makes me despise males even more! You probably didn't even ask for her consent and raped her! Rape isn't a joke.


To be fair, if he tried to throw his o-line under a bus, they'd probably just block it...


You, your friend and OP are the only three people who ever heard of this woman.  Sorry for your loss, but no one else gives a shit.


My God.  The bravery is astounding


Congratulations on losing all that weight buddy! You're an inspiration to us all.

Edit: why the downvotes? :(


That's awful to keep that from the students.. we had a girl commit suicide in our senior year that a lot of us, including myself were close to. I'd be furious if I was lied to about what happened.


The trailer is so bad. Holy shit...

Blizzard usually makes extremely wonderful trailers, but this one? Dissapointing.


Gotta risk it to get the biscuit

Edit:[This beaut](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lV70i-RwT9s)


That sounds painful.


The question is: is it too late to doxx her?


Came Here to say this! LOL


Anti-venom definitely exists for c. atrox. Perhaps he's allergic to it? I know some people are, and in many cases, the allergic reaction to antivenom is more life-threatening than the bite itself. I don't know if he is though, that's pure speculation.


you sound really bitter

you're sounding exactly like the attitude you attribute to those people

do you realize you're a hypocrite? or are you somehow oblivious?


The dude playing Ice Cube is O'Shea Jackson Jr.

Ice Cube's kid!


not everyone can see that you tard.


The mayor's wife was supposed to attend a ceremony that celebrated her achievements. The disappeared students were planning to protest against her for alleged discrimination they faced in employment and education. Fearing disruptions by students, mayor's wife in collusion with local police handed them over to a local gang that kidnapped and killed the students before dumping their bodies.


Obviously. But if you were trying to make a joke refering to the picture, it wasn't very funny..


It's important to remember that E.L. James wasn't a novelist. (Even if she does put her name down like that) These books were originally Twilight fan fiction, which should explain A LOT.


Fuck women. Literally.


This works for just about anything that you want to be a little bit softer.

Besides babies. Never the babies.


That's really uncool.


I hear you, we all feel that way sometimes, trust me. Just think about this: there are 7 billion people on the planet; whatever you're feeling right now, you're feeling it along with *millions* of other people.


Ah yes, because you know for a fact that she only accused him because of his gender right?  You were there after all.


...and the porn volume set to 0.25. A man can be stranded on a deserted island with nobody around for hundreds of miles and he will still watch porn with the volume turned all the way down.


Attraction has nothing to do with being a dick or not. It's a feeling.


I'll be damned if I'm gonna have a pop-eater as my President.


Honestly, it's just pathetic. Don't understand why you would advocate shit comments like that. When you grow, maybe you'll understand why.


I read some study about the Bronze medalists being the happiest of all. Gold medalists are happy at the time but feel lots of pressure to perform afterwards. Silver medalists were "that close" to winning the whole thing and are the big losers. While Bronze medalists are not under that much pressure from winning gold or losing it, yet they still performed great and won something.


Isaac Newton was a genius. This is a pop phony abusing autotune.

Edit: Yup, keep downvoting me for stating facts, fanboys.


I actually remember that episode.  One of the craziest things I've seen someone driving lol. I couldn't believe that shit.


was i supposed to downvote this? well i did.


Can't.  Not.  Read.  In. Your. Voice.


Knuckles the Echidna.


"That neighbor kid sure does like to hang out in bushes."


What if I told you that despite the yucks I get from Reddit and that I'm not actually all that new, I don't sit in front of my (tablet, desktop, laptop, phone) all day looking for previously posted shit unless it's something like ELI5.

Just sayin'


With or without cheating?


I refuse to believe people like this exist. I choose denial. And that's not a river in Egypt.


go right ahead, god will just tell you himself, he gave my ancestors bad genetics. literally everyone in my family is chunky from out of the womb. my grandma says its the extra fatty breastmilk.


And now I have the FRESHEST cereal.


You think he has an eye for even the slightest detail?  Look at his god damn house, lol.


N'slave

*[tips chain]*


Because we have seen people who use "only marijuana" like Josh Gordon and Justin Blackmon. Now at the very least, assuming he isn't suspended, talk to him and let him know you are only going to play league minimum for him.


All of Hitler's twisted perspectives...and this is the one you're going to call him out on?


This is not about russians. Russian flag is also locked together with all modern flags that are available in the game.

You have a wide variety of the unlockable decals and roundels for many countries to choose from.


"No one can explain what the Matrix is, you have to see it for yourself."

Really, Morpheus?  Fucking really?

Here we go:  The Matrix is an artificial reality that is feeding data to your sensory system in real-time, causing you to experience a false existence.

HOLY SHIT MORPHEUS, HOLY FUCKING SHIT.


Has PHD in righteousness? coulda picked a better example


You're a Scientology recruiter.


Sorry. But ur user name is pretty hilarious


Well, the negativity left the room... was he right?


Ah, you're one of those people that thinks he's a cool kid for not using Twitter.


First opinion:  "Cut it off"

First reaction:  "Fuck YOU"


Bullshit. Focus on your muscle? So all I have to do is think about my chest and it will grow? Fucking idiot


Yeah, that's what I would've done, too.


lookit dis noob that doesnt know how copyright works


Considering they did zero actual mechanical work to these cars, you are probably right.


don't flatter yourself you irresponsible cunt


I very rarely wait for a table.  I have a perfect amount of fame... Not hassled, rarely wait.


Actually my comment is a reply to her comment which says "I wear shorts all year round", which takes this very far away from the context of "on bleachers"


Staying at a friend's house, she has  toddler and a cat. Both jumped on me at once.

One of them, I yelled at not to jump on people.

The other, I picked up and tossed away from the couch.

... It's okay, those things are pretty durable.


thats..... racist?

edit : cry me a river downvoting nazi reddit fags


And 19 year sophomore. Is there some bad water in that town? they hooked up because they're the oldest  people there. ( and possibly the dumbest.)


If it makes someone say what the fuck in any form it's allowed to be on wtf.  It's not just for blood and gore and shit.  Stop complaining


"what do you want for christmas?" ;)


That is not logic. If you say: "**She** was the perfect **straight man**" that doesn't make sense. So you must have made a joke. Can you maybe explain the joke to me, because I also want to laugh about the funny joke


My whole life I have frequented an acidic auto garage. Something I should know?


Downvote this to hell so I can see my grandmother again!


Let's go invest in broke person stock now.

EDIT: thatsthejoke.jpeg


I'm pretty okay with not doing that either.

edit: your downvotes, they do nothing!


>Some people go decades having them without even knowing.

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you had not said that.


my whole family is chubby, every last one of us. i was a 9 lb baby and have always been this size. some families are born skinny and continuously breed skinny children


I fucking hate that commercial. I love animals but that was a terrible marketing move, to make people feel guilty and responsible for the suffering of animals.


I've already reproached previously in this thread. I work excellently with people AFK and often online as well.


This is how i overhear some of the best gossip.  Every once in a while, I won't have any music playing, but people assume I can't hear them because headphones.


I'm only going to respond to one thing why do I assume you are a female, because females are the only ones who respond like this. Am I not correct that you are a girl? 99% of the guys would not respond like this.


But he's part *man* so yeah, that is rare.


I used to also say as do I but then I took an arrow to the knee!


True, but the woman's body Has ways of shutting that down.


If this has ever been posted before, it had to have been by one of y Facebook friends since it's my photo and I posted it on there. But somehow I don't believe you'll find this has been posted before.


>"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." Genesis 1:1.


> You weren't friendzoned by that girl, you just never made an effort, or she doesn't find you attractive.

Uh, that's what the friend-zone is. She doesn't see you as a potential romantic/sexual partner, only a friend.


Well, technically the arch still survived the earthquake.


abs on a skinny guy = tits on a fat chick etc.


It had to be miserable for all of them, I hope she got help at some point :(


Nope thats not the "problem" without the miscarriage she would had gone with (i think) but she lost control (or at least she thinks this) about her life. And she wants to keep it in order, place and planned.

The best thing after a "depressing" phase in your life is moving to a new place,  this is the best thing you could do. But most people wont accept this. (truth)


That silver platter doesn't respect Islam


What a gentlemanly asshole.

Edit: <insert obligatory top comment remark here>


> he isn't a fan of smoking, even if it is not real smoke. It affects his asthma.

Bullshit.  Your friend is being a dick and using asthma as a lame excuse.


He's got beautiful form. Notice how his low his clearance is over the frenulum, and how his center of gravity barely moves. While the rest of the guys are cradling the balls he barely breaks his stroke. That efficiency allows him to jerk away from the sack with each tug. His girth helps, but his technique is also fantastic.


Who cares its fucking hilarious ^_^


They thought they could squeeze it into a human-sized box, but they were misteaken.  That's just wishful shrinking.


Implying that Fairley gives a shit. Haha


if he died holding your hand he doesn't blame you, and you shouldn't blame yourself. no matter how old you were at the time. accidents happen, clearly not your fault.


Anti-india circlejerk, table for all redditors (inb4 "u're a redditor too brah"). Why do people like to complain about anti-american circlejerks but never see the shitty comments about other countries?


Statistically, you have a much better chance of being murdered if someone else is in the house as well.


I went to up vote you but then I noticed the amount of points you had for the comment and took it back.


According to many people on reddit, if anyone does anything, your girlfriend is cheating on you.


Upvote me

Edit: You cunts fell for my reverse psychology. Baaa!


Money will not buy happiness but giving it away to people who need it most seems to make my happy so I guess in a very twisted way money did buy me happiness.


**IS AFRICA ACCEPTING RETURNS?**


She was stuck in limbo


and you have a husband. you're about as socially awkward as frank sinatra was.


I hate when someone mocks your laugh. Like screw it, last time I laugh at something with you asshole.


Shut the fuck up. White victimhood is pathetic and you don't have a  leg to stand on. HBCUs are never fully represented and they made a game because a niche exists for it. Get your privileged, whiny cunt up about it. Thanks.


Get off reddit, dad!  I'm trying to hang out with my friends!


Woman. And I won't, but thank you for your concern.


I'm sorry but your great aunt is an idiot


One doesn't have to be bad-decision free in their 20s to see it in their upper 30s. Indeed, the perspective gained is invaluable.

"Spewing hate."

girl, don't go away mad, just go away.


Guess what. You do and no one has told you that you don't because they're being polite.


Being 17 is no excuse to have a minimum wage job.  Go work for the government so you can buy all the vintage you want.


What's a foot long and slippery?

A slipper.


I did Nazi that coming.


I want to make a shirt that says
"GET ENRAGED AND THROW IT ON THE GROUND"


I even downvoted you HERE because that's silly, directly and even when referanced.


"Daylight savings" bullshit they just sped the earth up 1 hour with that shit!


it was released in 2013, it's now 2015


Begun, the drone wars have.


I didn't link the playlist on purpose...


http://isdownforeveryoneorjustmedownforeveryoneorjustme.com/

> downforeveryoneorjustme.com seems to be DOWN.


ha meme ;0p haz a downvoe


Would you say that both of your jobs involve... hot... buns?


This

Am I seriously being down voted for a word GG reddit


This was my first thought, too. There is no bad day. It's raining? Darn, I'll just have to go wreck a set of tires with this here Ferrari.


Hahahahahahahaahahaha owned.

Edit : Downvote me if you are a douche bag.

Edit 2 : I am thrilled to have so many downvotes. This is truly a record for me. The thread has 8 votes and I somehow 8x the amount of volume.  I am a god.


They're mostly rich white people. I mean have you ever seen a brother at a ski resort? This isn't fucking Johnny Tsunami.


Because most of the world calls it football. Insisting on soccer just makes the US seem *more* aloof and insular, like keeping imperial measurements instead of going metric like everyone the fuck else. Call it football, stop bombing people, go metric, and maybe we'll make some friends in the world.


Well, they took away the controller.


That's not what censorship means at all.


Did you know about *Rampart* before today? I didn't.


Why do you see that as an admirable trait? It seems like it would take more courage to acknowledge your mistake. He took the easy road. Not admirable in my book.

EDIT: Boy, you people really hate it when someone doesn't get a joke don't you?


I learned it from my parents because they love me.


Can't. Stop. Pooping.


I think he got that from Einstein.

EDIT: Thanks you guys, I feel cheap seeing as it was meta.


Probably the worst, most annoying song by a pretty bad band.


She posts regularly on gonewild.


Its been an hour.

Op will surely deliver...


Grandpa's not dead, that's just the last thing he said.


Hey America, want a real president to go with that chair?


Then you take the rat that survives and release it.  Now that it has a taste for rat and mouse flesh, it will rid your island of vermin.


Sorry to say this, but nobody cares for either of you.


For most people it would be tough to take Home Depot to a desert island....Terry Crews has the power.


"The truth is not dependent on popular opinion."

'97% of Climate Scientists agree.'


Ground Control: NEIL, THE MOON IS ABOUT TO TURN ON. GET OFF, GET THE FUCK OFF THE MOON!

RIP Neil Armstrong.


Oh, wow...naive cynicism.

I'll just remind you that everywhere women have equal rights, they had to fight for them. They were arrested, raped, and even killed before it happened.


What are your thoughts on the movie "Rampart"?


none of that shit really matters to document.  documentation protects the employer for the most part.  complain at the boss?  ok its your choice to quit.  complain at the school?  perhaps you dont have enough time for both, go ahead and quit.


Will: He used to just put a belt, a stick, and a wrench on the table. Just say, "Choose."

Sean: Well I gotta go with the belt there.

Will: I used to go with the wrench.

Sean: Why the wrench?

Will: 'Cause fuck him, that's why.


It's funny because /r/mensrights is filled with pussies and tranny apologists. I got banned for saying that trannies are mentally ill, they really believe chopping your dick off and wearing a wig is what normal people do.


"Now imagine how impressive that would've been if it showed up right away!"


I give your explanation a -400/10.


We secretly switched out their Folgers Brand Coffee with LSD. Let's see if anyone can tell the difference!


This comment is pure comedic gold.

I HAVE PRUFS LOLZ, BUT THEY ARE SHTINKEE.


Yeah, I mean, Tracy was a very sweet guy.

He was always watching really WEIRD TV shows on his TV. He'd have DVDS, or these tapes, he'd transfer them to DVD of like - the JACKSON FIVE special. And he'd be listening to the Jackson 5 from like 1970. He just had very *weird* taste. He was into wild, crazy, alternative programming.


Dodged a bullet with that one.


No its not. Ignoring the color of someone's skin is not good.

Notice differences in people. Know that it doesn't matter.

Edit: I honestly have no clue why I'm getting down voted. By ignoring someone's race you're ignoring a factor that plays into their identity. You completely disregard part of who they are.


Just because Honey Badger don't care, don't mean Honey Badger don't feel.


but really, you're probably just a dude


Not a chance in the world that happens.  There's no way Bradford stays healthy all the way to week 5.


People don't always know what's best for the community. In fact, they seldom do.


Said no Indian woman ever...


If he's a positive force, he shouldn't ever walk off stage. You can't be taken seriously like that. To anyone not aware of smash's competitive scene players, it's cringey as fuck


...And you'll never believe number 6...


I don't even know what that means.

Regardless, I think it's pathetic when people pretend they are crying about something for the karma. It was a touching story. Upvote it as you like, don't pretend it has bought on tears. It is disrespectful and belittles the original story.

Whatever, downvote away, I couldn't give a shit.


I, too, take Intro to Psychology


**I JUST DRANK A LIQUID POO**


The scene the OP described where the son was just watching him leave from the window, blank-faced, was seriously a little chilling.


came here to post this.


Why did i want/expect the note to rhyme?


1. Yes.
2. Yes.
3. No.
4. Occasionally.
5. True.

Also, I *love* your formatting! -Chambo


> I was chasing her, Later, she was chasing me, then I was chasing her.

Are you Pac-Man?


Actual not alleged.  No doubt though that it is not water vapor.  Any high school science student would know this.
 Cant tell you definitively what they are but I'm sure its not too good, but of course done for our benefit.


in the same vein*, i once saw a guy in a ninja costume being blown by snow white. in the kitchen. in the middle of a party.


why? don't post pictures if you don't want people see them.


*HOLY SHIT HE HAS A BANDANNA GET THE FUCK DOWN.*


Yes, and the most important lesson. If you disagree with religious opinion, you're allowed to turn to violence.

Cmon is this Saudi arabia?


Hopefully not with a truck this time.


I do not say this lightly: the first Green Lantern was the worst thing to happen to human beings since rape was invented.

The thought of another Green Lantern movie makes me weep blood.


*HAHA WE WIN THIS TIME*


Its almost like living your life based on thousand gear old fairy tales could be a bad thing.


I laughed when I saw "Two Broke Girls". The fucking premise of them being very poor is in the fucking title, yet they have a gigantic fucking apartment in Brooklyn.


With a Facebook full of people dumb as rocks, this *is* a gem.

Edit-

Thanks for surprising me with so many upvotes when I opened the AlienBlue app last night!


Haha! Yes, that scene was a joke to test you! You totally passed the test! ha...

:(  x2


More like he is not in on the joke!


Start choking them and say "Breathing hard or hardly breathing?".


White on white equals blank.
What do you suggest, good sir?


For some reason this was the comment I teared up at. Your mom only eating half got me. She's a good mother. Hope you're both in a much better financial situation now.


It exists. And you don't have to be ignorant of what mistakes you make in games to realize it. You can own your mistakes and still observe the fact that it exists.


I'm nothing special. I'm just a dude who likes to dance.

Edit: As I've said below, this isn't  [the first time](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XKyVMZjdEI&feature=youtu.be) I've made an idiot of myself [on national television](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lOflp4Bm90) .


EDIT: arguing on reddit, oops my bad, forgot youre all fucking retarded


Let me put it in reddit terms: A rejection is not *-1* like a downvote. It's a 0. You don't lose any karma. Once you realize this, you'll be much less hesitant in hunting for those upvotes.

Remember, even the stupidest shit will get upvoted sometimes. Just look at the frontpage for proof.


That's not what he meant when he said that. Wells wouldn't risk being found out like that.


Yeah, I'd regret deleting them, too.


Somebody is going to submit this as a [Fixed]..


I have seen people faint like that many times, you were not out for long, probably less than a minute, it probably would not have made a difference if you hadn't fainted honestly.


I used to provide proof for trolls, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


You know, this is the first one that actually pissed me off...


The mods should delete and ban fagatrons like that. As a matter of fact fuck **you**.


That's just racist. #SamsungLivesMatter


I want to join this. Don't ask why


Kid shoulda ate the fucking Oreo.


>Who downvoted this perfectly legitimate question?

Oh my fucking god, shut the fuck up about downvotes. Can't you just post without trying to figure out what random fucking reason lead to a single fucking downvote?


trust me u're like 5% smarter and 150% hornier


Nice job for reading a click bait title then joining the hate brigade!


Reddit: where posting is a 3 man job.


you understand what sub you're in? hip-hop is a joke. downvote all you want but at the end of the day hip hop is just grown men telling tall tales at best and utter nonsense about drugs, women, and clothes at worst. you shouldn't take any genre too seriously.


what a shit lord, those kids probably haven't chosen a gender yet and she's imposing one on them.


Totally useless and related . If u wiggle ur screen around with ur finger the gig actually starts moving. Dont try it
Edit: I was saying that if ur on a phone and u wiggle the screen around the gif actually works . Damn one type-o and I get down voted to oblivion O_o


I got downvoted like crazy.  I'm honestly blown away that so many people beat off to the gifs in this sub.  I mean that guy acted like I was crazy for not doing it.  What the actual fuck


*pervert and the teachhhh*


im sorry do i need to conform to some specific posting style to post on the shithole that is reddit? you're a stupid fucking nigger


But do you use your yellow blinky things?


Except none of that happened and everyone got paid after the shutdown, and the republicans went on to crush the dems one year later.


> we talk, but actually, probably, we just released a script,

Man, I hate it when I think I'm talking to a friend but then I realise I'm actually just releasing a script with them.


A horse walks into a bar. The bartender promptly escorts the horse outside and calls the police.


More importantly, don't contact my friends or family.


i used to lie to hairdressers but then i took an arrow too the knee


Where? When? PM me all the details. Not promising anything but this could be cool. If my schedule works out I would do this.


Scumbag reddit: Fights sopa in the name of free speech, tries to murder [/r/lgbt](/r/lgbt) mod to stop her free speech.


They held a race to next Wednesday and /u/N8theGr8 won!


If you think you deserve a medal then no you don't.


yessss somebody got it. its basically one camera, 2 shots, and 5 mins on ms paint


Woo woo, all aboard!!!!

Edit: I regret this decision


I realize I'm not as knowledgeable as you guys, but I really am excited by all of this work online. It reminds me of the early days of cable news. Thanks for the support everyone!


Dude its beaten to death now, stop it. Delete your post. Just not funny anymore.


Keep grinding. You'll score that extra life eventually. ;)


Mommy, it's too bad I'll never go to UCI since you are going to have me stabbed with a scissors by a doctor next week. I would have been a good student, too. Why won't you give me that chance?


rainnthunder sent me a PM with some more details. Can't be 100% certain, but it may actually be her. :)


Yes, I'm very upset over this (I'm not joking and this isn't sarcasm).


And if it were just two, it would be "Pair o' Normal Activities."


I think you have missed the point of my post.


For your information, it's because he's hideous.


Yeah, those millions of people who died don't matter


Maybe that man was future you and he'd always wanted to smoke with himself.


Don't bring your drama over here. This subreddit was created to get away from the maliciousness of /r/lgbt.


like an efficiency apartment...

(shudder)


Shut the fuck up you Twilight loving dickqueer Faget.


A creative way to capitalize on being the subject of a very negative meme:  nice work Blake.

Also, never make another rap video.  You really suck.


aw c'mon don't r******l the whole family...is there some kind of line you're crossing w/ the whole dead grandparents being part of the gag


I work at MySpace too.


... dumb-ass x2 one for the obvious and two: why would i let my ex have anything of mine


Ridiculous! They will get 2 TRAUMAS, AT LEAST.

EDIT: Wow, my first gold. Thank you, kind sir/madam.


Yeah, that makes it okay, right? Or do you not care about the referees and them being influenced by the players, and is it just about Mourinho?


I wish I could upvote this to the top by myself.

Go to *a different* doctor, now.


HI WEDDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU TINK DAT YOU CAN GET WID OF ME BUT YOU WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Oh my god. Great question. Maybe Tuco's lil' nephew? Or Saul's intern?


Yeah their families chose to abandon them.


She showed all of us.


This is a game about creating and flying... Not killing...


Don't care; was delicious.


Don't worry, i do nazi that happening in the forseeable future.


That's a good scientist right there. Didn't make assumptions. He provided the data as observed.


Oh fuck off with that shit. You can go look at most of the submissions to know, stop playing stupid.


Featuring Helena Bonham Carter.


I posted it here due to me thinking: 'This shirt is awful! How could they let her wear it?' It seems in pretty bad taste to me. So I didn't post it here because of DS, and my title wasn't meant to poke fun at her either. It was more a way to show support but still lead users into opening the post... To see the T-shirt.


...Not sure if should silently judge you or congratulate you. I think this story really exemplifies the complexity of human relationships, and how much grey there can really be. On the one hand, I would normally say you're a bad person for cheating on your girlfriend, but on the other hand, it wasn't just meaningless sex and it actually went somewhere.

...I'm so alone.


20 in 4 days...now 3..ahh I guess I'll just have to wait to upvote.

edit...in keeping true with my name I agree that everyone else should have been downmodded, but not me I'm allowed to write something extra. Just kidding I didn't read title first, sry


You wont even have to click, it will just flash pictures at your face and detect if you smile or not and use that to cater to your tastes / rate content.

 It will also find out how long it can wait before you forget stuff so it can show it again and satisfy you.


You seriously get angry enough to resort to physical violence over a video game?

I was aware of /r/halo having a certain reputation but seriously?

EDIT: lol downvoted in minutes. GG /r/halo, glad to see you're living up to your hostile reputation and supporting physical violence against people over a video game. You should be embarrassed and ashamed.


ummm...your parents seem rather....controlling....


dubious "facts" at that

but yeah, have a jolly wank on your high horse if you want

do it now


He must have had a pretty small penis to be that insecure about it.


Man the butthurt is oozing through the screen.


You know how I know you're gay?


Please do not announce your vote to the world.


Some people give stargazer lillies because certain people hate the smell...literally gagging on it.   i don't mind though, can't really smell a difference.  but overall, hmm...someone i hated would probably get carnations. they say, "hey, i'm thinking about you...but in a cheap, moldy, 1950's way."


LOVE this pic of you! You are adorable, your boobs look amazing, and so does the rest of your body and you're curves. Your legs look fab too! Everyone who keeps calling you overweight needs to take a look at this picture and reassess what they are saying about you.


Breaking news: Actor Bruce Willis has actually been dead the whole time.

Edit: for those impotently screaming "sp0ilerzz!!": Where the hell have you been? Also, I never said which movie it was...


The Orangina ads here in France are horrible. They are not only animals dressed as humans, they are scantily clad and curvy as well.

No complaints about the zebra character, however.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/toddmecklem/2444006089/


>without getting killed


Ah, indeed, shittalking behind your keyboard, big man alert. I'd offer you the opportunity to witness me in a fistfight in person if I were as childish as you.

As for your stupid question, I am not a professional hockey player, so there is little chance of there being youtube footage of me fighting.


This needs to be a movie. Jason Segal and... oh I don't know, Katey Sagal.


Like so OMG!This is whyuh we can't have nice thingsuh!

edit: [like so this](http://i.imgur.com/wZvLO.gif)


The parallels to 1984 are oddly chilling.  Apparently George Orwell was a time traveler, and spent all his time in the future playing Civ II.


Get the fuck off of my website you spamming waste of bandwidth


I've watched enough Vikings game to know exactly what happened there.


Ok first off, it's $60. Lol where is this almost $70 coming from? The barely changing cosmetic DLC?


>**term. In eight or**


We get enjoyment from laughing at the tragically pathetic lives of others while never grasping the irony of the situation.


That random phrase amuses me. I shall use it someday. Have an upvote as reparations for my use of your phrase.


Well I shouldn't joke about your fucking dumb face because if I do then I have to think about it and it's just so awful.  I want to forget you forever.

Anyway, not really.  Jokes are good.

please buy shit on my website louisck.com, now that i insulted your fucking stupid face.


I have no issues with her waiting on him. As far as her not extending the same service to me, I think it is because I'm family, and because I'm a woman too.

That doesn't justify her behavior, but I understand it.


That would be Blacky_OBlackerson


I ask a perfectly legitimate question, and you reply with sarcasm. Well done, criminal.


She's too young for you bro


Blizzard never contacted us about this. This was a conscious decision made for the quality of the subreddit and it obviously backfired.

I don't care what Jay said on facebook nor is this an attempt to defend him.

Mods remove post ALL the time that don't belong on here and I don't see how this is any different.


And, we heard you like smoothies, *so we put a blender in your trunk, dawg!*

*cue person pretending to be excited*


So basically, GGA decided.

Edit: Wow people are really passionate about owners and sponsors. Didn't mean ruin your evening.


*sobs quietly onto a plate of hot pockets*


HYPERREALISM! Are you saying that the owner didn't hire a extraordinary black artist to paint him a portrait that LOOKED like a photo!? RACIST!


I would hope that someone would gild me twice in that case, so I could put one coin over each eye to allow for my passage down the River Styx.

Edit: Well, I guess I'm set now. Goodbye, reddit, it's been swell.


I used to be hanged for being black, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


It came up organically


Yes because it's not illegal to lie, not because they didn't lie you ignorant fuck

People who like top gear are white trash anyway

Fucking shit

"herp derp the judge ruled in favor of them they must have been telling the truth and be angels"

*facepalm*


"He's got his mother's dick"


I came here, I saw here, I commented here.

EDIT: FUCK YOU REDDIT DO NOT DOWNVOTE MY COMMENTS I CREATED THIS POST AND I'M ABOVE AVERAGE FUNNY

edi2: I came, I saw, fuck you.


Welcome to reddit where the puns are bad and the karma doesn't matter.


you fucking pedophile piece of shit. rot in hell ashhole. I hope you get raped by all the prisoners when you go to prisoners. pedos need to be executed


Great observation, Einstein.

It's largely sarcastic too


As someone with the most beautiful eyes. You really shoudn't be worried about posting to /r/pics


My guess is that it was some multi-level marketing deal, or some product which you had to buy into in order to be able to sell later, i.e. a pyramid scheme or a time-share community.


They should just rename this game to league of xPeke as he is a legend :D


Do you think they asked for a refund after he rhymed Kodak with Kodak?

Or did Pit bull ask for more money since he used the name twice?


I know what you can paint a self portrait of you sucking a big fat dick, because you are a fucking faggot.
Edit: don't understand why all the downvotes?


Yes, good plan. Got to keep hydrated while you burn to death.


I know I'm not because the drawing was from something else. The point is that these are both on r/trees.


>plucking it up with her vaginal mucus.

Too much internet for me today.


well just by playing zelda, you looks like a cunt -_-

**EDIT : OK, GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY ZELDA IS FUN ??? IT ONLY MAKES YOU DUMBER. DOWNVOTE ME AS MUCH AS YOU WANT BUT YOU CAN'T CHANGE THE REALITY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1**


You are everything to us.


I would love to see a fixed camera angle of that fight.


Yes yes.  Double yes.


Population-wise, it is. Tehran hosts 14,000,000 people, according to the latest surveys. Bigger than NYC and definitely bigger than Chicago. My city (Mashhad) is bigger than Chicago and it's Iran's second biggest metro area.


3 of the girls tell him where she really was since they weren't invited


This is a safe space, and rouge mod imples that im doing something outside of the norm of this sub, I am not, i am enforcing existing policy, and on /r/lgbt i am enforcing new policy.


A friend of mine (a girl) is *obsessed* with the "Me Gusta" rage face.

She has a Me Gusta hat. It's obnoxiously neon green.

Instead of simply voicing her approval of anything, and I mean *anything* she says "Me gusta" and does her best to imitate the face resulting in her looking like a rejected Labyrinth puppet.

I hate Me Gusta.


This needs to be downvoted to oblivion...


Ya know, went to bed at 8 pm, woke up at 2 am, now it's 5.  I'm thinking about going to bed again for a couple hours.  But I will definitely hit you up the next time I'm seriously considering hiring a hooker for company.


Wow this is a real sub?  Also Im mixed for some reason its okay to ignore white people like no but that sub is another no.


check the next page "just kidding you nosy bastard"


*I wish people could critique the argument rather than stereotype and dismiss based on prejudice ("she sounds like a Nazi! what a waste of my time!").*

Some ideas have already been debunked. We don't need to engage with all sorts of delusional people.


Me neither. Maybe they should see a marriage counselor.


Ah, the act of a petulant child. "No, this is wrong!" "I heard and I disobey!"


We're not going to let this campaign be dictated by fact checkers.


I'm guessing you guys aren't from around New York and didn't lose anyone close that day.


Girls don't like this?


Are you in /r/gonewild? Because if you are we love you


Years ago, I used to work at Blockbuster, and I was consistently astounded by how willing people were to be rude and condescending to someone who literally has their name, address, and **credit card number** on the screen in front of them.


Agreed. But were they state-sanctioned?


you: "guys just fuck me already"

them: "nah that's totally gay"


So Pvt Martin wasn't the one that was dying? Guess I was right all along. Thanks for downvoting the truth, have nice day :-)


See, the thing with that is, hamburger helper is fucking delicious.


Who the fuck cares, it's not like it's a cat or something important.


Did you learn your lesson or do you still volunteer guilty pleas when you can clearly get away with stuff?


I'm so sick of all this stupid bullshit.  Nobody cares that you have talent in drawing/animation.  You are all idiots for replying to this and or thinking it's cool.  It's sooooooooo stupid, I cannot believe anyone is actually liking this queer bullshit.  Please stop posting this faggot shit and get on your your lives.


I am made entirely of Chipotle and whiskey...


Complaints I do not have.

EDIT: OH GOD PLEASE STOP DOWNVOTING ME! YOU LIBERALS ARE DESTROYING MY COMMENT KARMA!


Some say he once rescued a server filled with animated images from Saddam's yellow cake uranium factories...

All we know is, he's called **Replies_With_GIFs**


plz down vote im not worthy


Even the president isn't safe of Reddit.


if only he had a competent midlaner..


It's about leaked gallons per gallon of oil delivered, and pipelines are statistically the safest transport method.  They are also the most cost efficient, which is why people argue for them.


I see or hear "bruh" and I think dumb and ghetto...


> Am I the only-

No. You're not, you never are, shut the fuck up.


Bitch you worked as an ACTOR in a fucking theme park, you're talking to the real deal motherfucking smithy here.


Because your fap wasn't quite there yet.


>not at all aggressive

yeah I'm sure the dude just goes around spraying dogs for no reason, not like he has to deal with dozens if not hundreds of random dogs every day or anything


Sounds like an Aaron Carter single.


Why do you think I post sarcastic comments all over Reddit just to pis off the haters?


Grab a brush and put a little makeup!


I'm calling B.S. your pores aren't supposed to keep that stuff in. Wash your face and use face lotion. Your pores will get smaller over time.


You're playing a dangerous game here.


Wow you're an asshole.


Not being a native speaker of English, I first thought "getting a monkey out of it" was a saying.


>buying games

stupid alert


**But Caaaarll**, that *kills* people!


I see this getting posted a lot on Reddit, and more than often it's not quoted correctly.
It's aggravating.


Depends on the high school.  From my experience, there did exist the social cliques, but they weren't nearly as exclusive.  For the most part, athletes hung out with athletes, nerds with nerds, metalheads with metalheads, etc.  But one could easily go up and talk to any member of any group without too much fear of social stigma.


I don't know if Bill is competent enough to make an ironic joke like this.


Yes. Yes. Yes.

Do not kill yourself.

The world needs more of you. Not more of him.


Yeah - sadly many young women have never been told "no," especially when it comes to relationships.


"I shit, therefore I am" - Deshartes


>**Futurama Fry**

> ^^*These* ^^*cations* ^^*aren't* ^^*guaranteed* ^^*to* ^^*be* ^^*correct.*

Really now?


Yup. Moved to a big farm in San Francisco. Lot's of land to run around, freely.


Must like ugly dudes. You must be hideous or fat.


Not sure if in sexual dry spell or being repeatedly raped.


Thank you Sr. Lisa. I am also praying. God bless you for courage in speaking up.


I don't know. I sent him an email (I go to a boarding school) and he hasn't responded). I would say not to get your hopes up, he is busy promoting Cloud Atlas and working on other things.


•who cares
•you r lame
•geta life
•derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Me 1000 you chair


I'd be okay if it was Bing, or even Yahoo or something.

But I hate when it's made up shit. It's always something dumb like "Search-Net.org" and it always seems stupid to me. I'll take product placement and advertisements over that kind of stuff.


cool, so she's queen retard. where does that leave you?


Not you, and THAT'S the American way.


What did it turn up? Everything I said publicly already. Wow, amazing.

NOT


The fact that he's not available for dating.


Fuck off, cunt. I'm talking to the men here.


Play it cool man, play it cool.


nah, pretty hilarious


##*This is where the joke came from.*


Ah, Reddit roulette. At some point some poor bastard is gonna repeat that sentence again and will get downvoted mercilessly.


Wait... Simon isn't a normal name?

Edit: Why does everyone think I'm called Simon?! My name isn't Simon!


america doesn't have a culture ..


Fuck that dog is cool!


You tried for a joke. But they didn't except you. Here have this ↑ use it wisely.


Not to brag or anything but I discovered this while in the bathtub at around age 12. At that point I knew I was destined for greatness.


So they use language that offends you.  Simple words.  They did nothing but catcall you from a distance.

You are the one escalating the situation by attempting to put their image on a public forum.


Every time I try and shave my balls I get kicked out of the tennis club.


It's not Christians doing something stupid. It's Christians doing something stupid because of Christianity.

There's a difference.


He definitely wanted to be her life partner. He just wasn't being a douche about or trying to get down her pants. That's how I see it at least.


It's funny if you hate Keanu Reeves.


Just leave the guy alone alright!?


He's just saying what we're all thinking.  Downvote away :)


Ctrl + F: Gary.

"Ah, there it is."


what's terrible is she's *still* fat!


No shit, Sherlock. Who else's opinion would it be? Everyone already knows it's my opinion by virtue of the fact that I said it, no need to restate the obvious.


that escalated very quickly:(


shouldn't this guy be getting way more minutes?


What hyper macho lacking self confidence caveman country are you from?


i used to liek her but once i found out that cunt was a liberal she deserved everything she had coming


In biology a few (4? 5?) years ago, my biology teacher did the taste lab on us. He asked for a show of hands who could tell which part of the tongue tasted this and that, and when no one knew, he went, "that's because this is incorrect" and went on to describe how sometimes scientists come to the wrong conclusion about things.


Thank God you've brought this to my attention. Praise Jesus.


Ummm...  Umm... With magic potions!


keep his points at 69


Thats fucked up, and you should get help.


Your a high school bitch.


Some people, large and small, just like to sit down on furniture like it's the last seat in a game of musical chairs.


> This sub reddit is not a replacement for local emergency services, legal consultation, medical consultation, missing persons inquiries, charity drives, or homework help. These types of posts will be removed.


Poor man's Hooters?  Soo... Show Me's?


That was not funny. And for that matter you should've clarified it was AMAA and not AMA.


Best use of the word "aplomb" ever.


That's what reprehensible and trashy means, yeah. I thought I covered that

The kids in diapers, she's not going to remember this

Edit: hey can you guys stop going through my comment history and down voting me?  I'm going to run out of karma if you keep it up


This is why ncis is the #1 show on tv


You aren't funny, stop trying


He was not Saved By the Bail.

Thanks for the gold!


The post was fine, being a troll account is not.  Save your SJW gender-war jackoff for this shithole.


"Man, these butts sure are getting boring. I guess it's time to accept the fact HOLY SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE BOOBS. FUCK YES."


http://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/wtot9/well_thanks_reddit_youve_just_wiped_a_list_of/

Not much lying there, no offense. contextually i just said i had a couple thousand keys reddit deleted, which is absolutely 100% true.

I didn't delete them, that would honestly be the bad thing here. But when you see a google doc with "Open edit for all users" it's got some serious red flags.


The doctor was called Frankenstein, but he truly was the monster.


> What do you want him to apologize for?

For not realizing how he took a situation he could have defused like an Industry Professional and instead fanned the flames and dialed it up to 11.  That's not admirable.  They were wrong, sure, but they aren't Icons of the gaming industry.


You evil beast.

AJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJ


It wasn't meant to be funny.  It's serious.


You want that? [I got you.](http://i.imgur.com/xsBuCvK.gif)


That seal is calling someone or something gay, pun or not. It doesn't fly in a safe space. Simple, eh?


Low-income protein substitute?


Well, then you've got Obama asking what Palin knows about nuclear defense...when he was nothing but a community organizer (whatever the hell that means), say in a church for 20 yrs and didn't get what the pastor was talking about, and spent a couple of years as a part-time senator.  Yeah, he's qualified to fuck up our defense alright.


It just occurred to me that there was a time when nobody knew that Darth Vader was Luke's father. That must have been mind-blowing.


You're the one that knows what a screen shot from Glee looks like faggot.


Well, kudos to your friend for trying to give her an inkling of what she had coming.


It's called taste you dick brain.  Try it sometime.


Mom's mission accomplished!


I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to make anyone mad.


It's like a nerd drug deal.


Sister,  Thank you for this wonderful comment, especially on this Respect Life Sunday.


I buy "fish" antibiotics online because I can't afford health care.


"I humbly request" get you, you fucking douche.  HIV or preferably full blown AIDS would be a welcome visitor on your immune system.

I humbly request you shut the fuck up.


The worst part is, a lot of kids STILL learn this in their science classes :(


LOL!  Random Indian guy!


This guy has a huge PENTIUM!


How is that sexism? Having sex with someone isn't treating them badly. This is a perfectly human behavior. I'm not sure why you think that is such a bad thing.


>Bleehhhh.

Me too, buddy. Me too.


Yep, I totally said that people can't go to the aquarium without a Master's degree in Marine Biology. Wait, nope. No I didn't.

PS: That's the analogy you want, dumbshit.


this economy has created some beautiful monsters


?? It's obviously not true, none of them are..


Je suis not allowed to drive


The bike he is on is a Brazilian Mountain Bike. They are actually designed to withstand small objects that are propelled at the bike and even ride through bushes and shrubs with force. So it is very likely that this was what the criminal was trying to accomplish.


That's like the TL;DR for the job, basically.  Thanks.  :-)


HAHAHAHA!  That's hilarious!


Or option "C": It's ineffectual bluster.


You're probably in high school? You should be focused on slaying pussy and not putting up nerdy ass posters and getting beat up.


Ahaha,  would spoil all the element of surprise in the divorce process but that'd fucking hilarious. Would pay to see Zacks reaction.

Have an upvote.


Hope not. The Princess Bride is the worst movie I've ever seen.


http://i.imgur.com/u8qWFJH.gif

EDIT: [Version 0.2](http://i.imgur.com/2w0NTQJ.gif) (probably the final version)

EDIT: [Version 0.3](http://i.imgur.com/of14lL3.gif) (was that a shoe?)


who the fuck cares? do you really care? how could you


And don't forget the ever-prevalent NRB: No Reason Boner.

Edit:  And this is why I should comment more often; one of my top comments is now about boners.
Really delayed edit:  Yes. I am now well aware that it is also referred to as a NARB.


There no such thing as Palestine. That is not a country.  There are Palestinians (the people), but there is no Palestine.


10/10 Would not read again.


While I completely agree that steel just like any metal loose strength when heated close to their melting point, I don't believe that the jet fuel could melt the beam in a straight line, much less a 45 degree angle http://i.imgur.com/36rplPt.jpg


I was helping my 3 year old daughter get dressed one day, and I noticed that she had started to lose her baby skin, and was growing fine hairs on her legs. I said, "Oh look! You're getting leg hair!"

Her response: "I have hairy legs, just like you, Mommy!!"


why? cause you dont agree with her life choices?

edit: ya'll need therapy


Damn, I actually remember you posting this story forever ago.


in an *asian accent**


... and all the money in the register.


I could upload the knife I used to slice the husband's neck, but if you want their bodies, I am sorry to say I didn't take any pictures.


Speaking from experience...

"What went poorly"?  Don't be honest.  Admit to something, but don't actually go through all the things that went wrong.  b/c you're not going to get a fucking job that way.


stockholm syndrome of the oppressed. Wake the fuck up and fight back, even if it's non-violent. The homophobes opinion means nothing. Quit debasing yourself by believing that fucking nonsense.

Also hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Hahahahahahahahahaha.


I haven't really had any negative effects from it. People have come up to me and recognized me as "that guy" but other than a few hundred random friend requests and follower requests there hasn't been too much of a positive effect either. I haven't had intercourse as a direct result of my internet fame either. Yet.


Guinea Pigs ARE naturally occuring wild animals. Depending on where said facebook idiot lives, it could very well still be alive.

Edit: ya'll be haters fo' real


You should find the post from the dude from 9 months ago that said he worked for a Major Record Label prior to the Rap Boom in the early 90s.  Claimed that Corrections was pressuring the Record labels to endorse the shit out of it because they wanted to popularize gang culture so Private Prisons would make more money.


Considering he posted this to reddit I would have to assume he knew their were going to be references about sex and his girlfriend. Im not saying this would be acceptable in real life but on the internet its the norm. Anyways, carry on white knight....carry on.


I want to keep this from getting buried because it contains an incredibly important parenting lesson: Harshly controlling your teen's ability to release sexual energy in a safe—and positive!—way will just spur them to much more rebellious and (potentially) damaging behavior.


> If men and women have "the exact same brains"

They don't, but the same liberals who support trannies believe they do.


regularly, and for money


Exact same thing I was thinking.


Aww yeah. That's it.


Patriarchy. This man propagated it.


Therefore, redditors must be pets


i am super cool in real life

kinda like your mom lol??????????


Give me immortality, or give me death!


Man you gotta keep your wife straightened out I mean if she's all bitchy just backhand the bitch


You mean a few minutes ago, right?


This fucking gif has never had a perfect use because it sucks ass.

Also the link is already purple.


"ayy lmao" - Adolf Hitler


>I downvoted because it's irrelevant and you're fucking weird.

Whatever.


Well that took a turn...


As long as we don't turn into Berlusconi's AC Milan in recent years, I think I can handle that. Let them laugh.


I think in Europe they call this "Tuesday."


I don't agree with his Jew killing policy but I do agree with his fag killing policy and if he were alive today I think I'd stomach the former to enjoy the latter.


Nolan: "Cut. Can we get a writer on set? This scene doesn't make sense."


We in the British National Party are not used to foul language. So please, I would appreciate it if you do not use words such as f**k.


"I am young, I am twenty years old; yet I know nothing of life but despair, death, fear, and fatuous superficiality cast over an abyss of sorrow. I see how peoples are set against one another, and in silence, unknowingly, foolishly, obediently, innocently slay one another."

- All Quiet on the Western Front


I thought the entire United team used his Reddit account to speak? My bad.


Not so far as I know (that would be big fun). That's Neil's Deil... Deal. It's going to be great.


What? Was he Ross' gay lover or something?


Sounds glorious... Netflix should make a dating site, "you have watched all the same shows this month, you're a match!"


i didn't actually like this comment, but i upvoted it to make it an even 70.


The Other Stranger...


There were many infractions on the believed rights of the southern states. Slavery happened to be one of them.


**FUCK**. I read the question wrong.

[I feel like a fucking idiot.](http://i.imgur.com/bFUCo.jpg)


This is the first time in the history of film and TV production that the motherfucking beauty department wasn't in the fucking way.  Some of you know what I am talking about.


This improves my post apocalyptic fantasies immensely!


It's the only thing he could do. He was scared shitless, and could do nothing. Fear is what made him more fierce in that bout.

Edit: Fine then, he suffers no human-like anxiety and doesn't fear death. Certainly some greek demigod hybrid. The tatted dude was arrogant and cocky, in contrast to a person who was conscious and responsive.


Thinking that speaking a certain way is ignorant is pure ignorance.  Thats like saying you know a person is stupid because of his skin color.


Oh come on guys :/ the poor girl just felt horny you should be flattered that she did it to your bf... Maybe the three of you could have fun together keep an open mind :)


"The smile on his face was about the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile."


Sorry I didn't mean to walk on set of your gay porn


Bwaa ha ha ha ha all part of my master plan!!!


what the actual fuck? who upvotes one word responses?

come on /r/starcraft I thought we were better than this.


Yep, the title (while not technically wrong*) is incredibly misleading. He compares it to the fictional movie in Inglorious Bastards where a Nazi war hero has a movie made out of his service to glorify the war.

*edit: actually the title has quotes around something he never said, so technically wrong is exactly what it is.


I used to know that feel, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Good, Good. Let the hate flow through you...


inCholesterLOL

LOLOLOLOLOL

no, but seriously, <3


I'm killing myself laughing at the thought of a president getting elected and using all their power just to bother their child in a motherly way


It's just a set of moral guidelines that everyone is expected to follow, except of course, the government.


In Sweden last year: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_SbSF6q4Yg&feature=youtu.be


I am actually in my second year of high school. Youd be suprised how childish these girls act


So you pretty much stole 3 dollars from a douchebag and donated it to charity?

I like you. I like you a lot.


yeah, that whole "having a useful skill" really gets us down sometimes.


One.  She holds the lightbulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.


I talked to my friend, who is one....I just don't know if I want to make a huge deal out of this. Everything is so stressful right now.


I think it might genuinely blow Reddit's mind to discover how many happy, healthy people are out there having sex, forming long lasting memories and bonds, and being genuinely happy. And they literally have no idea what Reddit is and have no interest in internet comments. And they're happier than us. And they haven't read this thread with the same 8 responses for the 90th time.


That would've been super easy to do though. I don't know why everyone's freaking out...


LONG-LOATH THE HIVE MIND, MAY IT NEVER END


Whoa rjvir. You mistake me. This is no rant, it's a way of life. I give the people what they want. Stroke the dick, tickle the pussy. They eat this shit up. I'm sitting here making millions, you better believe that.


>big damn heroes.

Ain't you just.


MY DADY SAYD DAT YOU SHUD TELL DA POWICE DAT YOUR DADDY TOUCH YOUR VAGINIA SO DAT HE CAN BE DA MOLESTER MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Pillow forts? Seriously? With that many mattresses you could have a Pillow Kingdom.


Upvote to you for being funny!


OP said how you kill him is up to you.


I think it is /b/. Unless you're trolling, then fuck off.


Many fighters like showy jerks but they have the ability to back it up. This guy didn't.


Her doctor checks it out every couple of weekends and still can't determine the problem.


I was expecting your nickname to be "Gradually Ghetto"


How is he a douchebag?

Edit. Asked a question and reddit gets mad... Pinche pendejos.

Edit 2. Keep the downvotes coming! Chupan me los huevos!

Edit 3. Yes! Yes! Yessss! Let the hate flow trough you bitch!

Edit 4. Good night guys <3


How the fuck do you "not realize" that you raped someone?

What the shit?


WAT IF I TOWLD YOU DAT I DON GIVE DA SHITTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It's easier than you think.


Do we really have to constantly post that stupid fucking comic?

Rovers are pieces of metal and plastic. They're not sad and you shouldn't be either.

Update: Don't worry everyone, I'm okay. People can use the word "fuck" and not be raging on their keyboards. (And it's still a stupid fucking comic, but you don't need to reply to me about my mental state. Just leave your downvote and move on.)


^^^^^AAA ^^^^AAA ^^^AAA ^^AAA ^AAA FUCK^^A^^A^^A ^^^^^AAA ^^^^AAA ^^^AAA ^^AAA ^AAA FUCK^^A^^A^^A ^^^^^AAA ^^^^AAA ^^^AAA ^^AAA ^AAA FUCK^^A^^A^^A


Almost?

Hasnt reus simply just capatalised on poor defending and slotted it 1v1 ?


Yeah but probably edit the video where his face is on both Ray j's and Kim's bodies


Wow.  "Simple faggot" is the best you can do?  For someone who is commenting "try to come up with something that is actually funny" you sure didn't try too hard with that one did you?  How about an ACTUAL insult instead of just hurling gay slurs?  Classy.


I'm here for the stripper joke


I used to be sadistic like Valve, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


News reporteress trying to start a scandal.


>So while you "tineye'd and karma decay'd" this, you knew full well it was a repost.

Certainly not.


then you can eat me out now!


>I think it's disgusting that the Palestinians, who elected Hamas, a self-identifying TERRORIST organization get more support from the general public than Israel, the only westernized Democracy in the region.

They only get more support on leftist sites like reddit and the dailykook. Normal people sneer at muslims because they know that religion is nothing but cancer.


Yeah, but he meant well. What was surprising to me was that he actually took the time to warn them against the dangers of hitchhiking. It was so common back then.


You can judge his current dick size from a baby picture? You know a lot more about dicks than I do.


> no one gives a shit

One of the 'secret' lessons you learn growing up - strangers have too much of their own shit going on to really pay attention to you.  I blame high school for this misconception.


What the fuck Ausfag here, am I missing something here? EVERY PS3 I've seen has those controllers, except a friend who thought they were gay and used his old dual shock 2. Is Sony being racist?


I think you're right, I found the news first on The Huffington Post saying it was her husband but no other news site confirms that.


Fine, I will file a lawsuit worth 3 times as much (maybe 1,500 bucks?) as you paid for all the water you own because you will fail to filter it properly, and get it up to regulations for consumption when you give it away.

People might get sick


So...you go to school with a ton of retards?


You guys should have paid attention in high school civics classes. A bill being introduced doesn't mean legalization will definitely happen. It has to pass first and then be signed by the governor


I'd move. This guy is like a pressure cooker. One of these days he's gonna snap and turn your skin into a suit he'll wear so God can't see him watching 'inappropriate videos'.


Not to be mean or anything, but it's been brought up tons of times and I thought it was almost common knowledge.


Your regular NBA teams don't get blown out by the Sixers though.


We share something, Neil.


*fuck off and die, grammar-nazi


You could even make it so that each fifth grader has a cash value on their head!

"Johnny here is from the sunny state of California and has been abusing steroids since Kindergarten! Weighing in at over 200 pounds, he's never been defeated and has a cash value of over 5000 dollars! ARE YOU READY TO RRRRUMMMBBLEEE"


I guess we finally found someone gayer than Twilight

Lol.


'tipped' and 'lady'

...I'm not sure why I was surprised to see about 30 fucking replies to your comment related to fedoras, good god


If I did that then EPS trolls (like you?) could use it.  A sniffer would confirm that the program only contacts Reddit.

I am considering selling the source to a known libertarian, though.


Comcast is throttling my internet, your greatness.

Edit: thanks for the gold


Did you read the article? They capture enemy soldiers to use them as bartering chips for their own imprisoned soldiers. Sounds like any war ever to me.


That one has stayed alive since the days of the Soviet Union.

My DI told me that story, and quickly followed it up by pointing at one of the fat recruits and yelling, "... meanwhile recruit Shmuckatelli over here can't even do 5 god damn pull-ups. I hate every fucking one of you."

Good times.


i never saw it. downvote to you, upvote to him!


When my daughter was an infant she just about self propelled her stroller


The other half would like to borrow $20.


this.

edit: Only neg 93? common do better.


wow, thanks so much! You can actually see my film on vimeo here: https://vimeo.com/41219207


This guy's dad sounds like a cunt


amen! next they'll want to run for office, or walk, i can't tell


Well maybe he should have learned never to point pistols at others, even if it's water pistols. It's not JUST A PRANK. Too bad he had to lose his life, but let this be a lesson.

If you want to play pranks on others, go to the Europe where they'll just let you walk all over them since they've lost the innate ability to defend themselves.


I just read that too.


BWAHAHAHAHA THAT WAS AWESOME! KILL EM ALL. fucking sand niggers


It's great you can sell a product that does nothing.


>Nothing like having a coward in the sky to help you in your time of need.

FTFY


Can't you just set the fucking timer?


Actually, if you watch the video, she was resisting the whole time and even threatening him. He did indeed defend himself.


Well....he did tell you he was busy.


No, she made that comment while lying on her death bed.

lol@white knights of reddit


That's not easy. The liquid helium alone is hard to keep around ;-)


pfft. so many more actors have more recognizable filmography.  Moranis's filmography has some quality films, but is mainly obscure.  You're just saying that as a feeble attempt to herald his career because of his personal "good act", imho.


Brilliant, bullshit story to the top you go.


No, it just suggests you are even more confused than you think. Quote the wrong person and reply to the wrong person. I've seen worse. Don't worry.


Alcohol is a magic potion?


Okay, where's the mod? Can't we ban this guy from r/guns? I'm not pro-censorship or anything--I'm just anti-schmuck.


He was distraught. He didn't know what he was doing.


typical ignorant brainwashed soccer mom.  Marijuana is a plant.  It is NATURAL.  Much more natural than the chemicals the big pharma companies concentrate into pill form and try to sell you for $150 dollars a bottle.  Not to mention cannabis is more effective than almost all at them at treating a variety of ailments and diseases.


Now we have 500 channels of shit


Yeah... That's not why.  He had just had a kid and gained sympathy weight.  They spun it into a joke.


"So why don't we just print more money if we're in debt?"


what? you wouldnt of fucking sat there and watched?

it was FUCKING HILARIOUS!

edit: BRING IT FUCKERS I LIVE TO BE DOWN MODDED!!!


But trix are for kids &#3232;\_&#3232;


I'm hoping that's indicating you're a girl. If so, free tonight?


Congrats to the brand new Winrar owner.


As a child I was bitten twice by dogs allowed to run loose by their owners.

This guy has at least one of his dogs running loose. Fuck him. And if you let your dogs run loose like this guy you're defending, fuck you.

edit: So I've finally found a class of people stupider than irresponsible dog owners. Defenders of irresponsible dog owners.


It is real now.  It is in the Urban Dictionary. It has realness. Real realness.


Ironic how you spelt casual wrong when saying think before you speak.


"Hey wouldn't it be funny if we got the FBI to divert millions of dollars worth of resources into monitoring some random dude in the middle of Texas, therefore ruining his life because nothing he will ever do will go unnoticed ever again and he will never have any idea why? HA! Comedy."


Exactly. But it is academic dishonesty... Maybe... It could be argued that it is and you shouldn't put yourself in a position to be fighting a school on what is and is not academically dishonest.


I do this. I don't go on Facebook much anymore.


LOOL oh man! and Same :D


Holy fuck that is just a shitty thing to do. They are god awful humans.


Thank you! All I heard was "well....it's a religious law, and we don't like laws based on religion, and we want to build a utopian society of higher ideals, wha, wha, wha..."

In short, it was Hey-I-Took-Up-Atheism-Yesterday.


Better not get too attached to the idea.


What if you showed them "The Wizard of Oz"? Ding-dong the witch is dead amirite bro? lol but serial i hope your kids die from grief


People don't ask you that?


wow really???  it was the only game I owned, I did this when I was 12... lol

I made tetris my bitch... or maybe she made me her bitch???

regardless

if I remembered correctly also a special tune that played.. maybe I'm imagining that part...


"Son, you're thirty. It's time we tackled this issue."


I'd rather not. We have almost split up so many times. seems a waste just to end it.


I used to think the brain was the most amazing organ in the human body, but then I thought, "look who is telling me that!"


Mine aren't, I don't know this fuck or his stupid friend.

My thoughts mean nothing to either of them.


WHATSUP!!! yeah no hard feelings. It's a shitty exit. Mad props for saying all this.


Yeah. Would it shock you if I was also a member of an Alberta Nationalist Party?


My daughter doesn't like two-pump-chumps.


Yeah, it's a real shame he's a nigger though.


Ah, the old vomit on the jizz trick. That one is a classic.


...are you actually sure that's what it was?


Badass or genocidal maniac? Who can really make the distinction?


You are the worst kind of chick.  I swear one day I'll strangle my wife on vacation when she pulls out the stand mixer and tries to justify bringing it in her carry on.

Edit:  fuck people it was a joke.  If it wasn't for over packing I'd have horrible vacations without pastries.


Unlike them, I don't hide who I am.


I've reported this link to the mods. Let me remind you of reddiquete you imbicile. "Do not make comments that detract from the conversation"


Hahaha my friends dad wanted to see that movie so bad because of the scenery.  My friend kept telling him it wasn't his type of movie, but he insisted.

During the tent scene, he hollered out, "Aww come on fellas...knock it off..." Priceless.

Also, he's not a homophobe on any way, just surprised by the back door attack.


I understand what you're saying, but my own eyes tell me otherwise.


That is a disgustingly sexist law wtf.


Oh my, my karma is **still** increasing while a few cowards are still sending me some negated down votes.


Not if you are a creditor, pregnant woman or a pig.


Hey can we not use that word? It's really offensive.


Doesn't bother me. I know I'm hilarious. The people that don't think so, they just don't realize I'm not trying to make them laugh. I make jokes for me. One woman I used to work for laughed at every joke I made except when they were at her expense, and whenever I made a joke at her expense, she'd say "You're not funny.". Odd, you thought I was funny five minutes ago.


I'm from Canada asshole, and though the South fired the first shot, it was because the Union troops and Fort Sumter refused to lay down their arms, they were occupying a base on foreign soil.


A WHHHOOOLLLEE NNNEEEWW WOOOOORRRRRLLLLLDDD


A comment like this ... I did Nazi coming!


...but anal is only 12$


At first i was  like[:O](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_SO_JYKtl9A8/SXVlJfEJguI/AAAAAAAAElw/K0PcieMI1Wo/s1600-h/hillary-OFACE.jpg)

But then I was like [**=O=**](http://www.goatse.fr/)


All worthy work is open to interpretations the author did not intend.  Art isn't your pet -- it's your kid.  It grows up and talks back to you.


I think she's just saying she thinks that its outdated to be expected to stay with one person her entire life. And she'd be right


We put cheese in everything. Everything.


did he rape your butt? because just a blowjob isn't that bad.

[edit: I'm getting downvoted for a simple bj joke? You've changed, Reddit. I don't even know you anymore!]


Nope.  When I first got into this I was asked if I would like "other" forms of payment, but I declined.   Driving a girl to 5 different guys in one night then her asking if you'd like a go at it isn't exactly a turn on for me.

mega sloppy seconds, thirds, fourths and fifths.


That's just you being bad. Pretty much 90% of gold+ blitzcrank players can do this.


This is the best one I've read so far, so simple and innocent yet long lasting.


I just upvoted everything in your comment history


I am a buffalo and I approve this message.


And your quite adept at doxing.


To somebody who eats apple pie for breakfast, a yankee is something that his wife hasn't given him in 15 years.


Its a de facto policy not a de jure one.


>Plate tectonics isn't real.

As a geologist, this crosses the fucking line.


Oh look, the cop apologist. You have no credibility, you should probably make a new account.


Its getting a little dwarfy up in here...


It's safer to assume the mother had an affair???  It's not safe to assume a legit sperm donation?  It's not safe to assume a surrogate mother?  It's not safe to assume an adoption?  It's not safe to assume the dad came into the moms life after she became pregnant?


Tell me more about this sandwich.


Her.

And this post isn't all inclusive of my wtf posts.


Because this is reddit and we're entitled to free shit.


I DID NAZI THAT COMING AMIRITE?


One man's junk is another man's treasure...


"We" weren't keen on the texture??


That's great, because by all accounts that book (and presumably the movie) is absolutely terrible about consent, as well as ignoring basic BDSM safety concepts.

OBLIGATORY GOLD EDIT: Of all the things I've ever said on reddit, I would not have expected this one to be gilded.  I'm glad you all seem to have had some interesting discussions about it though.


It tastes like cake frosting. I don't get why we need to dump sugar into got dang everything


America, where even prostitutes are ashamed to say penis.


Somehow this doesn't make her any more attractive or her claim to have talent any more real.

She's still just a hideous sideshow for the American media who steals her music from talented artists and raps just below the level of Frankie MacDonald


Wow, Seal is a redditor :/


fuck off and stop using that meme


You are forgiven.
You're welcome.
Manure and tears.
No chance, loser.


Thank you, Sr. Lisa, for your witness to Truth.  I unite my prayers to yours.


The thing about mirrors is, if you can see them....cant they see you?


I used to le fak u bogs, but then I took le arrow to le gooby pls!


"and when I saw Call for the first time in so many years I started balling"

sorry, but I read this and immediately got a mental image of you dunking on your long lost bro and then getting in his face and being all like "oooh snap"


yeah whatever, like it makes it any more justifiable.  This subreddit is deteriorating everyday


I bet he'd smoke any competition.


Then you are not black


Michael Myers, not Harry and Marv.

Edit: thank you for the gold :-)


Wasn't meant to be a serious post... Please stop messaging me...


That went from really funny to really sad :(


EDIT I guess I'm an idiot so I'll join the train and down vote myself

Double EDIT original post was about how I  like pc games and was in Afghanistan previously, complimented the the guy who wrote the steam joke for making a joke out of the two things


Wow! This is very impressive! I'm going to make this my new headshot.


Uh oh, we have another Sandusky victim acting out...


"It's just- UNGH... I just love you guys so much."


yeah people who can only quote fucking cartoons all the time.


I volunteered and I'm not upset that I didn't get paid. It was a great experience and I got to work with some great people. Definitely worth it.

I may have been a little greedy though and tried to keep what I could from the performance.


Why are the Girl Scouts [using cookie sales to support Planned Parenthood](http://cnsnews.com/news/article/pelosi-girl-scouts-relationship-planned-parenthood-very-valuable) abortionists?


and they'll look fabulous


lol we are better, tsm tsm tsm korea nab


Probably owns it and he's probably a big dude.


MOMMY WEDDIT IS GOOD AT DIGNOSING PEOPOW.. OWW IZA MADE A PEE PEE!!! GOO GOO!!


I can't help you at all.  The only road to good shows is bad ones.  Just go start having a bad time and if you don't give up you will get better.


I too enjoy driving through the back roads of the suburbs. Never know what you might find.


This is true, Diet Coke for example tastes nothing like regular Dr Pepper.


No, you couldn't. So why did you try?

Edit: *jesus fucking Christ,* people. I was making a joke at the fact that the comment was downvoted to oblivion because of the redundancy, which is amusing because the guy even said he "couldn't have said it better", admitting that his comment was pointless. I wasn't being hostile or resentful, *grow a damn sense of humor*.


"I'm Barbara the Basin and I'll smash your fucking face in."


Sister, this was a beautiful comment. Thank you for your witness!


r/sorryaboutthecannonball


Why are you guys surprised that the government will lock you up if you don't pay your taxes? That is how it works. I know what you are probably going to say "its child support/alimony not taxes" well if you don't pay your taxes this same thing will happen to you.

EDIT: I always appreciate down-votes for trying to spark a debate =/.


Hey now stop trying to Shia LaBeouf my way out of 4 million dollarydoos


It's sad?  First off.. Baseball is way better than Cricket.  Secondly... nothing here is sad except your lame response.  There's a reason the NFL sells out Wembley every time.  Would Cricket sell out Wembley?


Depends on what gender you are I'm sure


omg shut the fuck up you white knight loser


My parents bought me an anti-skip CD player and I thought I was so fancy.


Douche. I'm not trolling she is acting like a cunt all the guy asked is if she would like to chat more. How would he know her age? He didn't say anything creepy. You on the other hand have probably already scrolled through 10 pages of her posts trying to find whatever pic she may have posted that would warrant such a message from a random stranger.


Good controller design shouldn't be limited to one platform. It's not like Ford jumps through hoops to change how THEIR steering wheel functions compared to GM.


I'm obviously too hipster for my own good.


**Hey, look, a link I'm not clicking on!**


Dude, it's totally my dog.  I took this picture back in 2010 and never uploaded it to Reddit.


Mess up the store's ring pop inventory count.


I used to think that 100 sites disappeared and a 1000 spawned in the meantime and that it wasn't very effective, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Ah, my "driver's license." Wink wink, nudge nudge. Suuure, I'll bring my "driver's license."


Nicotine itself acts asynergistically alongside other dietary compounds, specifically nitrates(such as in many sausages and cured meats), so if you consume nicotine you should actually consume cured meats, especially if you dip or chew nicotine gum.


but I signed up for all those surveys...where's my free iPod?


bullshit. You have no idea what a mental illness is


I did my best: [Link](http://imgur.com/XOgcq)

EDIT: It's chest hair, not blood.


i used to pla the lottery everyday, but then i took an arrow to the knee.


You must have missed Reddit yesterday.


Wasn't a problem for me.

(Grant + CS Degree)


Yeah! We should make our own youtube that works more like reddit. We'll call it...redtube


not really, but thanks for trying to dismiss a valid point because you are trying to deflect and distract from the fact that you've offered no proof whatsoever. my credibility is not in question here, but insinuating it is only serves to tip the scales further towards "fake".

now go google up another answer.


I mourn for your loss.


Really shows the position of the Prem as the best league in the world if Moyes is their world-beater :)


Dude yes. With only a few exceptions any time I see a guy unbuckling his belt I just want his dick in my mouth


Google translator is wrong.


Too tall to do these things simultaneously.


Not really. If they can't walk an extra 20 feet, they can't walk to the baby section at the back of walmart. Its walmarts own fault.


O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

Deny thy city and refuse thy team

Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,

And I’ll no longer be a Bruin.

'Tis but thy team that is my enemy.

Thou art thyself, though not a Canadien.

What’s Canadien? It is nor hand, nor foot,

Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part

Belonging to a man


hopefully the other ones are smart enough not to.

edit.  Liverpool is one of the biggest clubs in the world and spend millions every year on a first rate medical team.  A wife with any amount of intelligence would know that they (the medical team) will better be able to help him than she could.  To me this screams 'entitlemet' ('thats MY husband so I NEED to know what's wrong with him).


My grandmother, my elder sister, my 5 year old sister, my father and my stepmother.


Am I the only person who thinks that's taking things just a bit too far?

And by a bit I mean what the fuck. Honestly.

Edit: Wow - I'm really disappointed in Reddit right now. I understand there's a lot of new users that might not be as familiar with reddiquette but this is just absurd.


God bless this Christian country.


Be pissed yes. Be an ignorant yelling cuss whore bomb, no.


As an actor, you need things that you can draw on.


>Considering that women have wanted to die their hair since time immemorial, I bet not much.

Posted from cellphone, 6 y/o, ESL or illiterate... or poet.


Smoking a cigarette...


And what kind of dumbass are you thinking I care about your unnecessary comment?


I asked you a simple question that obviously many other will also want to know and you speak down to me? I wish I had the option to pay for RES so that someone like you wouldn't get to talk to us like that. If I said "when it's ready" to my customers, I  would lose their business and get fired by my company. You apparently don't have anyone to answer to, thus the unprofessional reply.


This is why you wait for the new iBaby 5 to come out, now with extended battery life.


Hey, his mom gave me something too!


My mom and I played this game on our road trip to Disneyland where I'd call out every McDonalds I see and she would call out every adult video store. We were tied by the time we left Oregon.


Let me help you:

I stay away from crazy bitches.

I use condoms every time no matter what

I stay away from alcohol and drugs

I've sought counseling.

How is that for a start?


Yo mama's so dumb she stuck a phone up her ass and called it a bootycall.


Hate is just another form of attraction. Admit it, you're attracted to me, m'lady!


Because its a legal brothel and we have to pay for test, supplies, room and board, food... They take care of us here, and we take care of you.


It's okay EE we don't consider you at the top of dota 2 as well.

Did you feel anything winning NA quals with 4 Eu players?

Would have been decent to see if you could have done well in the Eu quals with more than just rejects in the second place.


You can't smell mayonnaise, it's an instrument so you can only hear it...


I used to be a loser stoner with no life, until i took an arrow to the knee!


I caught a shiny Golbat during my wedding reception while I was taking a shit. As soon as I was done I calmly walked up to my wife, and told her to come outside with me. When we got out, I grabbed the DS, flipped it open and showed her. We both screamed in excitement. Definitely the best day of my life.


lol no, no, there are plenty of unimportant and uninformed opinions. I'm not in the business of handing out gold stars for participation in *having* an opinion. If you haven't done primary research or aren't talking to someone who your opinion affects, then your uninformed opinion means jack shit. Todd Akins opinion on rape, for instance :) you say his opinion is super important, then?


So most fruit juice, except three of the most common types of fruit juice, is Apple juice? I don't feel like this is a big realization.


turns out your well intentioned advice may not actually be necessary. downvotes away!


At first I thought this was the setup to a joke


Third is the best I hear


It's not blank anymore...sorry.


thank you for this whole lotta bullshit, you're everything i hate about all this crap


*tear* That's... that's beautiful.


I give you my ***word***, I will try to give you ***access*** to bigger shirts but the ***outlook*** is not very good.

T-R-I-I-I-PLE KILL!


Same reason the first 45 minutes was dwarves eating Bilbo's food.

Edit. Yes, I know its in the book.
It was too long in the context of that film.
If you're sending hatemail over this, you need to get outdoors more


They're French. What more could you expect?


not if you drive the speed limit


That isn't proof of anything other than you not knowing about it before. For all we know you could be bad at reading, etc.


I hope this person is in prison.


Honestly, I dont consider Christians as humans so there are probably tons of em testifying before congress.


Or masturbation buddies ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


>Karma is imaginary Internet points and therefore by definition worthless.

[Then who cares if I lose 500?  You're right, I was being a dick.  I am tired and crabby which is a shitty excuse.  This captain will go down with his ship today.](http://i.imgur.com/YanBY.gif)


Trickledown banganomics


Bullshit. 'Professors' in community college can call themselves that with only a Master's Degree. Normal places (and the rest of the world) use that title only for people who have actually shown capability to perform research through a PhD. Please refresh my memory about the publication requirements for tenure in a community college.


As someone who was born in China and raised overseas, I fuckin' wish this guy's theory was true.

Mandarin is a bitch of a language to pick up.


"Sorry, I don't have any gum."

Wait, so we aren't listing the most common lies of all time? Well this is awkward . . .


*Occidentalis.  Onocrotalus is for great white pelicans.  That's a brown pelican.

EDIT:  Maybe I'm unidan.  Maybe I'm just a young jewish boy in college.  The world will never know.


No I had a C-, but didnt finish making the doll, but thanks for the cynicism.


I had a friend who said he didn't look after his wipes, and I asked how he knew when he was done.

He said "You just know".
Fuck you no you don't.

Edit: my two highest up voted comments are this and sucking my own penis.


This proves that the average intelligence on reddit is getting dumber and dumber.


100% spider-bro. I used to have one in my backyard we called Doug. We would feed him crickets and watch him wrap them up.

Edit: For those wondering, we named her Doug because while waiting for Doug to do her work on the crickets, we would cheer her on by saying "[DO IT, Doug!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGQJodNC_oc)"

Edit 2: This is "[Doug](http://imgur.com/j5PZp)"


Ahhh, the class of the left. Wishing death on people with whom they disagree.


RED ROVER, RED ROVER


what we really want to know is the flop-to-blake-flop ratio


Same here. Got a charizard from my first pack of Pokemon cards. I was in 3rd grade. Traded it for a blastoise. Decided I wanted my charizard back, so I went into the kids backpack, took my charizard and put the blastoise back. I still have it.


haha as a madrid fan this makes me laugh


Most historians don't believe Jesus boxed a T-Rex either, and yet I've seen it on a t-shirt.


Hahaha thanks for that. Cracked me up. I used the dishes last night. Got up about 6 am washed them all, left for work came back 6 hours later and saw I'd washed the tortilla....can't speak for the only surviving sud


THEY'RE EATING HER. AND THEN THEY'RE GOING TO EAT ME.


>I really think rgd is the best place ever :)

Music to my ears, thanks for being here!


>Eeeeeasy there, ~~big~~ **average** fella.

FTFY


I thought we were lying about drop-bears...


It's the old baby boomer nonsense I expect.

"Well son, at your age I already had a wife, a four bedroom house and was CEO of a small bank! Why are you still living here?"

The tradition may have worked back then but right out of school you're probably not going to be able to afford anything more than a small one-bedroom flat in what's probably not a great area.


Pretty sure that my balls just shrunk up and recoiled into my body after hearing that suggestion.

EDIT: I stand by my original statement despite the downvotes. I find this girl terrifying.
EDIT2: That being said, I do respect her for having the courage to do that in high school. Kids can be extremely shitty and this takes guts.


As soon as the president (any president) respects the populace, I'll respect them.  It's earned, in my book.


I do believe this was the case.


High blow... because then you made me laugh.

-edit- Lame that i'm being downvoted for informing previous poster that he reversed my sadness at the previous comment. I love how reddit is just full of people with no sense of humor or common sense.


No it's not you Decker, we were uhhh, hoping you'd recommend someone.


because it's so fucking essential to everyone.


**I hope they tell you when they decide to replace you.**

&#3232;\_&#3232;


Upvote. :) It was actually on Monday, but it was my Skeptical 3rd World Kid post about Halloween.


It was a gritty performance.


thats bullshit. Fuck all of you guys.


I really liked the one with asian Jim. I haven't laughed that hard for a while.


I could swear the only hero XBOCT(4) plays is the 322king.


You seem to give people truthful tourettes. Use your power wisely and inappropriately.


Here is a subreddit that coordinates downvote attacks. http://www.reddit.com/r/CIRCLEJERKMILITIA They love to focus on r/atheism... just look through their posts


and then whip out a "How do you know you're not dreaming right now?" Philosophy-fuck them. Works every time.


I deleted my comment because you already posted it. Congrats.


My scrotum just made a fist after reading that.


Neither actually. I stole this from askreddit. hehhehehee. I know i'm evil.


    ಠ_ಠ
               you mean, "she likes it ruff"
    .  .

      /


Why do you all assume the sister knows this for a fact? People get raped all the time and don't say anything about it. I think more likely she was raped and deleted her posts because she didn't want her sister to know.


Your suitemate is truly an adventurer.  He escaped.


Yeah, it's only an AMA, hardlh the time or place.

 This is the time. It's a very good question, why does she thank god, after her community was wiped out.


The ISS is huge and you can find some "quiet time" if you need it


There is no institutionalized discrimination against men.

**EDIT:** [Thanks for the downvote brigade, r/MensRights!](http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/otca6/apparently_the_draft_isnt_misandrist_is/)


It's unbelievable that you could run so low on something you depend on *to live*, simply because you couldn't afford to buy more. I hope the US wakes up soon.


did you even read his comment?


Wait, this is a real condition???????  Cause that shit has plagued me for years, through multiple girlfriends.

EDIT: Words

EDIT2: My top rated comment is about realizing that i have a sleep condition that leads to sleep sex.


The suspension can probably handle only a very little bit more than the weight of the car. This is a rather uneducated presumption but the engineers of these cars don't over-design anything to save weight. Therefore my figuring would say Phapn is more or less correct.


I don't believe all that many fucks were given while they were rolling either.


no need to explain urself alright we get it ur dick is small


"so mam you seem to be at about seven cen-"

"HEY DO YOU LIKE CAKE?"

"Ummm, yea.  as I was saying your almo-"

"I HAVE 3 CATS"

"mam are you feeling alight?"


Being an atheist myself, I can honestly say you're being ridiculous.


You must be a Daily Planet employee, huh?


I'm a little nervous. I've never actually done this before.


Except Grampa didn't chip in the $2.95. Grandma keeps it real


shut the fuck up faggot. why do you care?


I love hearing stories like this one! Folks who don't experience serious anxiety don't know how compelling it is to stay away from dating altogether, but if you keep your eyes and ears open, your ideal date might be right under your nose.


Snarf, snarf. I daresay this is not ironic.

Of all the people I know who might turn out to be a drug manufacturer, my high school chemistry lab partner may in fact be the person I'd most suspect.

If he had been a member of the SAFE club, then your story might have a twinge of irony, you fucking DUMBASS.

Heil diktionaries!


'Dearest Child,

I know.'


I wouldn't call using the suicide card to get what you want from your partner "amazing" communication skills, the wife in this situation didn't exactly have much of a choice did she?


I have a very confusing boner right now.


They should have run him over. What's the point of bringing in a column of tanks if they're going to be stopped by a lone protester being childish?


Is good writing. Is clear and informative.


a little buzz aint bad though. Doesnt help either.

edit: Forgot buzz means slightly drunk . Meant slightly stoned (goes both ways where im from).


6 months; that's when we'll hear about Rick Santorum sucking dick in a public park gloryhole.


immediately go to 9gag after this
edit: really? I feel like people didn't get this was to troll the asshat who ask'd. Or maybe they did and still hate this comment to which point I am confused? either way, trololol


Silence is golden.  Duct tape is silver.

Requisite edit: Wow, gold for that?  Thanks, friendly neighborhood gilding-man!


We would prefer to jerk off in your ass.

But nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo .....


"HE'S EATING HER. NOW HE'S GONNA EAT ME TOO. OH MY GOOOODDDDDDDD"


>Le I remember seeing this on le front page a while ago but never really looked into it. Can someone explain this to me?

FTFY xD


Your correlation is correct but the conclusion is not. Its other way around: more films he appears in, more people drown themselves.

(I am aware that this gives an irrevocable Casus Belli against me to all followers of One True God.)