Sex Ed teachers had to be quick. One lad shouted out "Oi Miss, is it true wanking makes you blind?". No time later she comes back with "well you're the one with the glasses".


Woop woop, tagging onto this comment for some o' that sweet sweet karma. Come on le guys, don't be stingy! Lol!


> shy guys don't really play

Except Mario Kart


She isn't a shitty person for liking attention from other men. She probably doesn't get the kind of attention she wants from OP, for whatever reason - the "spark" is gone, etc, etc. If you don't feed a dog, it goes somewhere else to eat. We know nothing about OP other than you think he is "a good guy". Unfortunately, being a "good guy" isn't enough to keep attraction and a marriage strong.


explains why a bunch of nerds labeled it ????


>She's extremely intelligent

I seriously doubt that.

Edit - only downvotes and no counter-arguements, oh wow lol


You managed to write two sentences using 0 words. Impressive.


Fuck off

Edit: Downvotes for not being transphobic, I love it


I'm pretty sure that book literally does not contain the word "she."


What an ugly fucking whale you chose to bring to the prom and embarrass yourself with. You really couldn't do better than this land-roving sea creature? Did you tell her there was krill in your dick that she had to suck out?


so... Fuck the police?


You are severely confused. You are not "supposed" to do anything. That is not how kandi works. It is an old underground tradition from ravers that has been destroyed by mainstream festivals


First guy that walks in is the manager.

"Why are you here so early?"

"What do you mean boss?"

"It's Saturday. We open at 10:00."


It's a private school so the district lines don't apply.


that's Cakes fault for picking a stupid band name


It's the dumbest shirt in the world, it's like saying guns kill people. Sorry but religion does not kill people, it never has and never will. Are you atheists really that dumb? I mean I knew you were all stupid for not believing in God but this is on the down syndrome level. I doubt any of you will have the courage to admit how wrong the tshirt is.


Now formerly straight man here.

Wow.


"Inmate has pussy in cell."


I agree! He's living up the success of one of the top-rated sitcoms. Good for him.


How else do they fill their empty voids of not having kids?


I mean, you calling casual racism *annoying* says it all, really.

While Black/Latino/Native/Asian people are being followed around in stores, denied employment because of the name written on their resume and murdered over 'parking infringements', you have to worry about people not expecting you to be good at dancing.

Yet, here you are, bitching about it.


Sounds logical. Have some gold.


Look redneck, I know you don't get how city folk live but she's not paying for gas.  She doesn't even have a car.


Well you don't want dry ass toothpaste right? I thought this was a normal thing.


no

also, bot warning itself is now fixed. I was watching Microsoft's E3 press conference stop trying to distract me yall


This is why I read comments before I click on articles.


The best part is they think North Korea has DVD players.

Even better, they think North Korea has power.


So they joined Anonymous.


I think you mean ironic. This is ironic.


And then tell her you fixed it.


You thought Mars was bigger than earth? How the fuck do you live life thinking that?


I was in Hawaii when the tsunami hit Japan.  I ended up having to evacuate my hotel up the mountain.  It sort of ruined the mood of the trip.


Why, because her uterus still works?


Tagged as Good Guy Greg.

All aboard the Titanic.


My first job was at a radio station in Miami. I never spoke into a mic before.  The general manager liked me, gave me a shot and gave me a show to do. I never had management be harsh to me ever again in my career. That first knock on that door, cleared a patch for me.


You were heartbroken because somebody you don't know that happens to live within the same geopolitical boundary as you didn't succeed at running in a oval?


That's the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard.


As others have conceded, no, it was never the joke. It was either misapplied or misunderstood, "tehcezar".


When I was a kid I used to do Meth behind the school


Because Reddit is all about Nobility. You're funny. Kiss my ASS.


Strangely enough... that's exactly why I bought potatoes. I got my info from a documentary on the Irish potato famine, which taught me I could almost live on this dirt cheap, lasts forever food.


How is loving a bulldogs head "haha" worthy? "haha" used to refer to a joke. When did people start using "haha" and "lol" as a period?


Michael Jordan is a genius, he realized that all the people who wanted to play basketball because of him would need shoes.

Dre doesn't make beats, he just has his name on the box.


No, I just found the comment and burst out laughing. Just because my post is getting Karma doesn't mean I posted the youtube comment.

You're just Jealous.

EDIT: Spelling edit, thanks to [YSCapital](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MXXm7uA_k68/Tl6cskseoDI/AAAAAAAAATE/_8oAKOZmOmk/s1600/Grammar_Nazi_Logo.jpg)


"Chuck E. Cheese, where a kid can **MAKE** a kid."


Yes. But still...downvote for figuring it out and still asking.


So sad that I know what you're talking about.


Seriously, dude? You gotta bring Pokemon into this? Go hang out with the Bronies.


Because America... where saying "Hi" to a doctor costs $1000.


Well seeing as though she was bleeding out of her ass in the shower afterwards yes, I think it would "make us all extremely unsettled and not ok with it".
But she did get 10k...and any prostitute would almost let you murder them for $10,000 bucks.


It turns out the chair next to her was sanded too smooth, and he slid right the fuck out of it.


/thread

EDIT: all these downvotes are making my penis all [weird.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkhdo8keGI1qe11kdo1_500.png)

**UPDATE:** -70. Well played, fellas. Well played.


**and play with his ferrets.**


The nintendo 64.. obscure??


What do we want?!

A cure for tourette's!

When do we want it?!

Cunt!


lmao LoL is for SC2 baddies and terribad rejects who have too low a apm for SC2 and lack the strategical thinkings vs lol where you have 4 other people helping you and only have to control 1 unit.


Wow. This makes last night look like a walk in the park.


Rediquette aside, I have to tell you this made me laugh.


Someone always has to be the one to find the body. Finding *that* body was most likely very traumatizing.


The weirdest thing i've ever seen in my life is Rachel Maddow's haircut.


I imagine charging your electronics would evolve into seamless wifi-ish charging soon, making all cables obsolete.

Humanity, pls.


>le Damn, those zombie bastards are gonna pay for shooting up my bicycle.

FTFY :D


Pack her stuff, go over to her mother's with it. Change your lock. Block her number and move on.


dude you don't have to say african-american but at least say black people. not blacks
edit 1: idk i think its kind of like saying "jews" and not "jewish people." i didn't want to sound like a dick but fuck it


I think this guy has a chance.


Ok, well, you realize, that is your *one use* of the e-word for the year.  I'm just saying...you used it up pretty early this year.

Edit - Downvote this if you live with your parents and you've never seen a real vagina (or penis as the case may be).


Like the kids' dildos.


WTF are you typing about? Mario bros are Italian; not Mexican or Colombian or etc. you stereotyping douche!


First time, I was a little angry, little outraged, but not over reactive.

Second time, it was pretty much "lol, internet".


6-2=57

Doing great counting votes, reddit. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.


An interesting thing that the word "Ras" (раз) in Russian means "one". So he probably was initially Rasputin(One-putin), then Dvaputin(Two-putin), Triputin(Three-putin) and so on. Now he is known as V.V. Putin. Which could be a short hand for Vosemdesjat-Vosem Putin (Eighty-Eight-Putin).


Upvoted for the irony of 'sack' being in your username.


Your mom sounds like a nazi... I mean this in the least offensive way possible.


Your friend that snitched on you needs to get a pick up truck driven into his asshole at 100 mph. Snitching is never ever fucking allowed. That's so dumb I can't even begin to comprehend that. Seriously, beat the shit out that kid who snitched on you and make sure you tell that dickwad not to ever call the police on anyone else unless their life is in immediate danger.


End of the world, but every female character has perfectly maintained, styled, and blow dried hair.


Please tell me more about being a football fan, *American arsenal fan*


If she ever enjoys a nice cup of jello, that's made from leftover cow bones after slaughter.
Anything with gelatin really. Like gummy bears.


What? That's as easy as volleys come. Completely unopposed, comfortable height on his stronger foot. And that's far from full sprint, that's 2 quick steps. I'm not having it - you'd want your defenders to score them almost 100% of the time.


I just pictured a large black woman saying "Mah Titties!"


2 ladies with the combined size of 4 ladies more like.


One time my mom got her hair cut like DRASTICALLY.  It was probably at about the middle of her back before, and after it was well above her shoulders.  Somehow my dad didn't notice for a whole day and a half until they ran into someone they hadn't seen in a couple months who pointed it out.

My dad still says how uncomfortable the couch is.


Funny how you think everyone on the internet is a native English speaker.


You'd think that not paying your players is also a breach of contract.


Please don't judge the comic based on just a few pages. I've been reading it for a few years now, and it's pretty good. I can understand why it wouldn't be more some people, and to be honest the recent story line has gotten a tad on the boring side, but the comic on average is quite funny and entertaining.


"It kills every time."

Well...it's a god damn axe.


White people have reddit and the slew of anti-black subs, as well as stormfront.org an openly racist website. I hope you regularly complain about both, otherwise you just look like a hypocrite.


Carlos Mencia is worse, and is the worst. I once had an acquaintance in college say, "Carlos Mencia is funny, and says things that need to be said!". I hate the college acquaintance now too.

Edit: I hated Carlos Mencia before everyone responded to this. Now I absolutely despise him.


Quit fucking downvoting me. THis guy is being an asshole and you morons are downvoting me???? Fuck you.


Because they planned on making out later and didn't want onion breath.


Go ahead and believe someone who 'found herself' at the end of many cumshots 'loves you' now that she's 30.  Most men learn this is not true, some on their own, others get taught by the family court.


"Would you like a beverage with your sex, sir?"


All glory to the LAWLBOT oh and #swag right bro


She was probably drunk because she was so distraught over losing such a close friend.


>its not that serious man

so why do you give a shit? they aren't your shitty stories.


We'll see. The internet is a crazy place.


Where is your study proving that? Ya know the scientific evidence as opposed to your own anecdotal experience.


Cause if it had been possible, you totally would have done it.


I used to respect the borborygmi, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


You ever play Shrimp Tycoon?


probably some ex boyfriend she wrote a song about. I mean what does she expect? she dates 5 different guys each years for her song writing. i'm tired of defending her, maybe the haters are right.


What about String Theory, Politics, and the Jew Conspiracy?


...did you miss the part when I said "otherwise healthy"?


thank you for not letting me down with the last part.


So what you're saying is she can't sing and dance and perform at a level high enough to warrant huge investment and sell tons of tickets? Got it.

What have you done with your live, exactly?


Gods, inform my mother. She blames her decision to divorce my dad on the fact that he never argued with her, just talked shit through rationally.


Are you going to post pictures or am I just wasting my time?


Bing results. He's supposed to be a nerd, and he uses Bing. That's the real plot hole.


Your mother seems to like it.


I think we found the drummer


It isn't considered a nice comment anymore when there's an insult in front of it.

"That dress is beautiful but you shouldn't be wearing that colour."

That's not a nice thing to say to someone.


Sounds like the main boss in some video game.

**edit**: doubled my comment karma with this.  surely my place in hell is reserved.  i'll see all you that upvoted in the inferno.


I wasn't trying to dispute that Arpaio is a fascist.  Just adding information.

Hell, he's part of the same crew that pulled off the fake Giffords shooting early last year.  Totally despicable psy-op'ing of the public.


Likewise, now turn to page THREE HUNDRED AND NINETY FOUR


LoL it's not even about you and your little world .


Idk, a lottttt of girls find it super hot when guys moan. Within reason.


You probably would have saved their lives. Now they are dead because you were too tired, waaaah


Actually, yes.... some of them.


Umm...WTF, why are these not in my mouth right now? Is that better?

Edit, and OP is she.


Ann Coulter didn't help herself much. When the dude from out of the USA was being civil and asked a question about why she was so hostile, she essentially did a "I know you are but what am I?" response.


well... I asked the mom if she was not a bit too young for me (I am 33 she is 22) to which she replied that was not a problem, her ex bf whom she had for 3 years.. was older than me.. She also told me that her huge boobs were real


Well...we are on our 27th year so...=)


Yeh cause that's totally how shit works.


I actually feel bad for her...it's like she knows she's cray, but can't help it.


GMO's are not safe. The chemicals involved in growing GMO's are not safe. Companies like Monsanto and Bayer Cropscience are personally responsible for the demise of bee and butterfly populations worldwide. The crops they grow and methods they employ are designed to decimate wildlife in order to drive demand of their products.


"It's not liveleak so I'm probably ok.  Oh."


Hypergenesis says hi


Keeping the pack intact.


Stem cell research is so evil. Baby killers.


So pretty crappy weather we have been having isn't it?


I'm pretty sure his name was Adolf, and Steve is certainly not the english equivalent.


The Buddhist chips a tooth on the mint and so he goes to the dentist. The dentist goes to give him Novacaine but the Buddhist declines because he wants to transcend dental medication.


>Iz [Tyrone](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/003/549/1307920884001.jpg)

ftfy


Nice try, Rick Santorum


played like shit

edit: 6 for 16 with 4 turnovers, that's bad


"Tuesday - 8:00: kill all classmates. 10:30: haircut."


That really has nothing to do with this though.

It was removed for being NSFW


She got expelled, and arrested. After that I don't know. It was two months from graduation.


Listen fool, When they are changing MINOR STATS, or MINOR ANYTTHING THAT dosent DO SHIT ANWYAYs, WE DONT FUCKING WANT TO READ IT..
there is people who read the patch notes for usefull reads, LIKE zeratul ult cant hit mercenaries camp..   NOt for fucking 1 less HP pr lvl on ABATHUR..  IM SURE theres 1000 of theese changes every patch, please dont give me the infomation.


We've all been there and you stood your ground well. Good on ya.


May be good advice but I wouldn't.


Exactly. Religious people down the ages have often tried to deny their instincts (frequently naming them "sin"), but this demonizes a process which can't be prevented and, given that our existence is owed to it, I don't see any reason why it should be.


I'm sorry. This is bothering me. Why did you say, "HA! NICE."? doctorhuh didn't say anything funny or do anything nice. What gives?

Ask you anything! This is what i'm asking you.


Reddit is like that one group of people that you hang out because you're bored, not because you like them.


Hunchback. 2/10  would NOT bang


Hey everyone! Mitt Romney's son is on Reddit!


The band was called Queen. Fucking QUEEN. While he may have maintained a public veneer of heterosexuality, the man was a homo.


To expand on this, lactulose does contain lactose.


Aww, is baby gonna cwy? I'm sowwy ure bum bum is sore baby. Pwease don't cwy.


Also helps you get rid of your beard if you apply it to your face and then shave with a razor.

Edit: Whoa. My first ever Reddit gold! What a nice way to start the new year. Thank you!


i hope they ban internet in your stupid country


Hello my name is The Power.

Yep. That's pretty badass.


Can you site your sources of Mr Paterno being a Child abuse panderer?

Note: source cannot be a major news outlet


Pics of course, or it didn't happen.


Mallory- "You must really think I'm an idiot."

Archer- "Well your words mother, but my voicemail doesn't call you."


I've never upvotes a meme and I've never made one. If r/atheism likes it, it gets upvotes to the top.


You have the striking blue eyes of a wolf. Carry on.


Everyone should understand that we are simply here to provide free services that don't have ads. We are well funded so there won't be ads on the site since we don't need the revenue.

If you feel like it is infringing on your own work feel free to contact me to reach an amicable resolution.


and on a 1700's era war ship wearing a red coat with muskets


CHOO CHOO MOTHERFUCKER


>Kid: "Gimme a gingerbread man!"
>
>Brother: "Ask nicely, please."
>
>Kid: "Psh, no!"
>
>Brother: *snap* "You're fucking next, kid."

That's how I imagined it going down.


Wouldn't be surprised if it was. That(and the teeth) are a pretty good represination of how barbaric predominintly black nations are. Not to be racist, but this is almost certainly the cause of other African Americans...


Never ceases to amaze me when I see people do this ahead of me in line. It's just funny to watch especially when you can actually see the moment where they call themselves an idiot in their head and reach back into their pocket for the wallet.

One of the many reasons I enjoy the laziest sport ever: People Watching.


yep. Double edged sword. your a bitch, and he's an asshole.


m'orbidly

Edit: m'gold


Cops don't get to decide whether or not you're "good" and kill you on-site if they deem you "bad". That's what the courts are for. Their job was to make an arrest, not to serve as judge, jury and executioner.


That might not be a doctor.


It's too early for the best comment of the day...


Apparently the whole system is shady. All strippers are considered "independent contractors" for insurance reasons or something, which means the clubs legally can't impose a work schedule or dress code, but obviously they do. I don't know the particulars, but it seemed like a lot of loopholes are involved to screw the ladies. [](/HA HA, I SAID SCREW THE LADIES.)


best part is the shattered coccyx, the excruciating pain, the medical bills, the recovery, and having to find a new job now that you can't perform your old job because of the pain.  oh and the addiciton to pain pills.  real fuckin funny


"But when the world needed him most, he was recalled."


The time for sitting back and allowing the irrationality of religion to have control of the human species is over.

We were complacent for thousands of years and today we are still suffering the effects of allowing religion to get a stranglehold upon our species.

I would be posting this from a planet in another solar system right now if we had nipped religion in the bud.


Close fast. Turn the knob just before the door actually shuts. That silences the latch click. Then just ease the last centimeter shut, let go of the latch. Bam! Ninja door closing.


She doesn't work that hard, come on, lets not act like she's out saving lives.  She works for a finance company.


It only costs several thousand dollars more than the more common practice: total dog replacement


You just want to start shit man. Relax. This is basketball, not high school

Edit: Sigh, you guys just love your drama. Keep em coming, but at least the relevant info about Wes up so people who didn't know can see.


My Mom left her cart at the end of a busy aisle while she grabbed an item. When she returned 30 seconds later her stuff was on the floor and the cart was gone. Why would you do that?


Top guilds are having troubles on normal let alone heroic.  And why would it matter?


I thought you meant setting up a grill and drinking beer...that would make me happy, not angry.


Oh yay. A *totally original* South Park joke. I'm so glad we have people like you around!

EDIT: Yay. Downvote away, you ignorant sacks of shit. You're the reason this site sucks worse than 9gag.


This is my favorite answer of this AMA.


ＨＥＹ　ＲＴＺ，　Ｉ’Ｍ　ＴＲＹＩＮＧ　ＴＯ　ＬＥＡＲＮ　ＴＯ　ＰＬＡＹ　ＲＩＫＩ．　Ｉ　ＪＵＳＴ　ＨＡＶＥ　Ａ　ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ　ＡＢＯＵＴ　ＴＨＥ　ＳＫＩＬＬ　ＢＵＩＬＤ：　ＳＨＯＵＬＤ　Ｉ　ＭＡＸ　ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ　ＥＧ，　ＳＭＯＫＥＳＣＲＥＥＮ　ＳＯ　ＴＨＥＹ　ＭＩＳＳ　ＭＥ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＥＧ　ＭＩＳＳ　ＹＯＵ　７０％　ＯＦ　ＴＨＥ　ＴＩＭＥ，　ＯＲ　ＰＥＲＭＡＮＥＴ　ＩＮＶＩＳＩＢＩＬＩＴＹ　ＳＯ　Ｉ　ＣＯＵＬＤ　ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＹＯＵ　ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲＥＤ　ＦＲＯＭ　ＥＧ


A favorite of mine

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."


Yeah there's a little X next to it for a reason. Also you can delete your history. Also be sure not just using Internet Explorer because you're too stupid?


Dude since I started a proper diet shitting has become one of my favorite activities. Before it used to be a battle without heroes

Edit: shit just exploded


Uhh. Charlie Sheen? That one? Never noticed the connection....

Edit: Yes, yes I realize the mistake.


Aww, I love a gay ending.


Super Bowl wins:

Joe Flacco: 1

Matt Ryan: 0


http://giant.gfycat.com/MelodicSmartCicada.gif

Here's another link that some butt-pirate was yelling at me to post instead of the original.

http://gfycat.com/MelodicSmartCicada


Upvoting for downvotes.


>In those days, printers were not really reliable

I see little has changed.


Came here to say **both of these comments** (in 1 comment)!! XD

(-:


We don't have time for a lot fun, we have to take care of our younger brothers and sisters.


wow... the japs are truly fucked in the head. -_-;;;


Two man-codes broken in one "bold move"... urinal etiquette, and talking in the bathroom etiquette.


Came here to say that!


It's obviously Swedish Chef.

Edit: Just going to take this opportunity to share my absolute favourite Muppets video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgbNymZ7vqY


Wanna be a smartass? Why not memorize the internet.


Sexual deviancy brings out the MacGyver in all of us.


At a glance, it makes him seem like a coward.

EDIT: /u/Skorpazoid clarified what I was trying to say:

> But I think you might have meant to say "Them describing it as 'begging' makes him look like a coward at a glance" in criticism of the terms used by the article.


Amway is responsible for improving my dad's life. My dad was stuck at a dead end job at a crappy company. One day he got invited to a dinner party that turned out to be an Amway party. He realized, "Wow. My friends must really think I'm desperate if they're inviting me to Amway parties". So he went back to school and got his masters degree and ended up with a great career.


Why don't you fuck off and post something constructive.


Oompa Loompa Doopity Dick


It's too bad it's too late for your face!


364 days to go and we already have a winner.


best possible response


This sounds like a fun game. Drop acid, call the hospital/police and then try to escape. He won!


Except that makes purple.


Your mom taught me all about blowjobs


Never trust a company that substitutes a Z for an S.


Justin Beiber (white) says dumb stuff on twitter, nobody gives a shit.  Jaden Smith (black) does and it becomes a meme.

What's worse that a group of racists?  A group of racists who don't even realize they are racist.


This makes me think of a fucking depressing Louis CK bit about something awful happening to everyone who falls in love.

"Or you’ll meet the perfect person, who you love infinitely, and you even argue well, and you grow together, and you have children, and then you get old together, and then she’s going to die…that’s the best case scenario.”


He was about to swing on dude that was clearly out. Perfect time to jump in.


And in my head I heard: **It's getting a little *stiff* in here, NYAHAHAHAH**


edit: jeez nevermind.  Forget I said anything.


The funniest part about the premise of that show us that he's supposed to be telling it all to his kids. So, basically, he's been going on and on about his sexual conquests...to his children.


Google are scum people. If the Google cars come to your country you should consider telling them to fuck off. StreetView looks at your private residences and also your kids playing on the street. Maybe you feel you can trust Google, I don't of course, but can you trust institutions worldwide and people using StreetView? I'm afraid you can't.


0% racist, 100% cute.


>~~Finlannisters~~ Lannister always pay their debts.

FTFY


None, because OP is lying.


Can we not just nuke the whole country and get rid of these islamic scum? What was the fucking point of spending my tax dollars on 30,000 kt nukes if we aint gonna use em.

edit: Those of you sending me threatening messages let me remind you I am a reddit gold user. Dont force me to ban you off the face of reddit.


Yeah they were. No one even bothered to compete with them since they always banded together on the same team.


I think if you search for skyrim ENB there is a full guide. It's like 20 mods and it's annoying to set up.


How is your mother by the way?


Except *you* of course! :)


I don't give a fuck about what people put in their anus ... But fuck why do people need to be effeminate ? I hate effeminate people !

Edit : Well guess i'll just have to use an alt account like many other.


Bullshit. You bump to teletubby porn, don't you


Please remove your link to a deleted thread.  There's a reason it was deleted.  Thank you.


I'm kinda glad I'm not the only one this has happened to, when I broke it off with my ex her father said "Please reconsider, I have 3 daughters and you're the only man any of them have ever dated that I want to call son-in-law"

That hurt worse than breaking up with her.


This was an easy downvote decision


Just get laser unremoval


And Messi took football to even greater levels.

EDIT: Seriously guys?  I don't understand why there is any need to even get butt hurt at that comment. I wasn't even trying to compare those two.


Love it!

More scenarios :

* get through airport security
* go for dinner with the in-laws
* put together ikea furniture
* play monopoly


That's not what that saying means.

Also put asterisks around words to italicize them.


Most executioners in the US do the job on a short term basis and have lifelong anonymity.  It might even be illegal to *tell* people you were the executioner.


USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST


97%!? THEY SHOULD PUT THAT ON THE BOOOOOOX!!!!!


It's sarcasm people, it's just sarcasm.

EDIT: dear god my karma:o


That's the most tragically adorable thing I've ever heard


its just reddit bro.... nobody cares. haha just trying to make some NON haters smile :)


Damn.  Pablo Picasso died just three months before the birth of Petey Pablo.


"send it over the internet"


as a now 32 year old man, I confess i had a few of them, we used them to stop from grinding our teeth while on "E"at raves.


Since we are here

http://youtu.be/X6HTeO_iz0w?t=1m36s


Damn, i am sorry to say that but your *hopefully* ex-wife is a cunt.


does it hurt you that im 13 and i knew that the narwal bacons at midnight and i knew that long before i joined reddit


My dad's (he's in his early 60s) begun instant messaging recently. He still opens every conversation with "Dear <my name>".


> I see you have the volume on full. Please turn it down, their hearing is much more sensitive than ours.

This.


Ummmm its got to be being pooped on....


These employees are mostly teens to early twenties.  Most will continue to live with the parental units and find another job.  It sucks to lose a job like that and be lied to/misled.  Been there before.  However, for many of these employees, they are getting shafted by their own life choice that has them working at Wet Seal to begin with.


He couldn't rek that guy any harder without getting out of the chair and smacking him round the face with his gavel


Mh , i'm sorry , but..

For a "Good" Picture , you can go here..
http://ludolik.deviantart.com/ (gallery)

22,000 People Like my picture.


Making them older than trees.


yeah he's somone who has nothing interesting to add so reverts to expletives to get cheap pops.


What does Ashton Kutcher smell like?

He smells like a man.

A real man! But he smells like a man. He does not wear cologne. But he makes sure he showers. Never offending. He has a very good natural smell about him, yeah.


Sounds like a nice lil' Saturday!


The whole thing left me saying, Mee-wow!


Then you should have said Rice's name while you were deep-throating instead of Lewis.


Straight to his butt. Haha


hahah good joke (-: his girlfriend probably doesn't know you btw so how (-:


Its way easier to make money when you have some already though. Getting money in the first place is the problem.


bleh fuck you all too!


No, thank ***you***!!


I hate to be the person that reports this stuff, but you can't steal music like that and just upload it to YouTube for your own personal revenue stream. YouTube did the right thing by pulling it. And if people want to know why I reported it, it's because I met Paul once and he's a great guy, if you like his music, buy it like everyone else had too.


┬─┬ノ( º _ ºノ) don't throw furniture, dude...


Fucking shitposter get out

Guise I was kidding


Seriously, this is one of the more fucked up things I've seen on reddit.

I'm totally torn.  On one hand, OP actually delivered. So, respect.

On the other, cum box.


I would too, but only if he let me get first dibs.

Also, is the girl cuffed or do I have to hold her down?


This reminds me of when I was on a late night train which had free tv for 5 mins on back of seat screens. So i just kept moving seats for an 1H30 train journey


I hope both these comments are sarcasm.....


Explains why he didn't find anything until 17yo though.


Good work ethic*. Work ethic can't be 'hard'...
unless you nickname your schlong 'work ethic'.


Jesus! I don't think he wants to *kill* her!


First President: Obama

amirite guys


That's why we declared war on Earth. And we're winning too!


This is an obvious false flag attack by EPS.  They've been calling for the removal of /r/libertarian for some time now.  This is just their latest stunt, a self inflicted wound meant to bring down /r/libertarian.  It's not going to work, trolls.


He's pretty much the only one left and it's only 2012.


every time i see it i feel like it ruins the comic


Yes, I saw this video on Youtube of this deaf girl who suddenly, with the help of doctors, could hear. It was amazing, the most moving thing i've seen in a long time! I'll send you the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsOo3jzkhYA
But bring out your napkins!


Honest question to those downvoting this. Why?

edit: Did those downvoting read the article? I would hazard no.

edit2: wait is this being vote manipulated? Like brigaded?

edit3: Oh wow. Yes it is. The comments here are hilarious. This is some 4chan level trolling lol


They assign you a uniform in Basic training.


le upboat to the left --->


I bet these women get offended over a smiley face on a water tower.


i just thought on this during my fluid thermomechanics class.


Just choose any and all questions asked by me.


I can tell, you are bragging about not smiling.


Confidence is my middle name.


0/10 for wasting everybody's time on reddit ... **i rly hope this CUNT learn to write anyway**

**edit : and wtf is a swatiska ???**


If you barbarians consistently had tea then we wouldn't have to bring our own.


And? Don't see how that's relevant to Wes


proof: http://i.imgur.com/J9bR4Vu.jpg


We're going to delete dumb garbage, this specific picture has nothing to do with AT.


Fuck that stereotype!  Watermelon and fried chicken are fucking delicious.


Isn't this comment just as sexist


You missed the opportunity to stare at the family just to make the lady lose her shit in public.


Aww, did she hurt your feewings?


Funny how that works, isn't it?

The confidence in knowing you can handle yourself leads you to try and defuse situations before they get out of hand.

Never any shame in walking away.  Or handling shit if someone won't let you.


On the other hand, why do people even *care?*

Hey guys! Check out this completed, long-running file on the game I bought!

"UH WOW THERE IS ONE POKEMON THAT WE CAN ASSUME WAS HACKED, THIS IS BULLSHIT, THIS GUY SUCKS AT LIFE"

I cannot firmly grasp this idea, *who cares?!* The guy had a complete file, I came across it, it was cool, who cares if *one pokemon* is hacked?


Given that precious metals are weighed using Troy ounces which are smaller than avoirdupois, your classmate was technically ...

I can't do it.  What a pompous ass.


oh, well, excuse me.  mr. politically incorrect.


Well lad-de-da, we have ourselves a Lord Fauntleroy here.

Dry ramen with some of that little msg sachet sprinkled on it. I eat it in bed for breakfast on weekends, the sharp crumbs produced are the sole motivator to get up.


Considering it was said to an election stealing, moron, war criminal, who also got thousands of our soldiers killed by lying about WMD's in Iraq....I don't think its immature or disrespectful at all.


PUT THE CAMERA DOWN AND GET THE GUN.


If it's stupid but it works, it's not stupid.


It was the first role where I got to really show what I can do both comedically and dramatically.  He was 'out there' but a 3 dimensional human being - that's the kind of role I like best.  Taking a role that could be a cartoon and humanizing it - finding the soul underneath the absurdity.


I'M SORRY, FRIEND, BUT I'VE NOTICED MANY POSTS FROM YOU REGARDING EA. WHAT DO YOU PERSONALLY HAVE AT STAKE? YOUR POSTS LEAD ME TO BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN CONTRACTED TO ASTROTURF, BUCKAROO.


I was getting ready to call you out for [reposting the comment from another time this was asked](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1o25s2/identical_twins_of_reddit_have_any_of_you_ever/cco5znx), but when I found the comment it was you again. Checks out, have an upvote.


Regardless, any type of sexualty should be kept out of kids comics. We fucked up this generation let's try to not fuck up the next.


You don't.  Oh she might climb back on top of you and finish, but it's just going through the motions at that point.  And a woman's psyche during sex is as fragile as a Faberge' Egg.  Once you tip her in the wrong direction, her vagina might as well be a sub-Saharan desert during drought conditions.


Yeah, being considerate, how terrible!


Not with that attitude


Are you sure you aren't a member of the the world Jewish nation?

As an American of Danish German descent I am very pissed that I believed Jewish lies about WW II for 40+ years.


JUST LET ME LIVE MY LIFE MOM, GOSH!


I don't need them to respect my beliefs, just my human rights. I respect their human rights, which do not include the right to not be offended or the right to not be made fun of for believing ridiculous nonsense.

Also, I'm probably correct, so my "beliefs" (such as they are) are objectively more worthy of respect.


Germany is practicaly full of roving gangs of lumber-men, picking up heavy objects.


Not if you're using slugs.


"All it takes is one bad day."

                          - The Joker


That's would be a funny reference if it were not obvious that his tail was much closer to the camera and shown at the beginning of the gif, and that other tail is not his. Your references just confused me so I had to downvote both of you, though I kind of see the humor.


The fuck is her motivation for doing that


He could have just called the cops.


I'm taking it. Thanks for suggestion.


What? Did I say something wrong?


TIL Jesus Christ's reddit username is BloodyEjaculate


Nobody was talking about the Japanese though. This is really not the place to spew your random hatred.

The 2nd World War is something we can collectively be ashamed of, for what we did as people all over the world.

Also it's kind of heartless not to see the difference between innocent kids and POWs.


Your poems are the biggest highlight of any askreddit thread I visit. The fact you decided my post was worthy of your contribution..I'm oddly humbled.. Please never stop doing what you do, because you cannot know the joy it brings to others.


She is a moderator, one of several at this point. Making this entirely about her is ridiculous.


I'm done for the day. Goodbye Reddit.


Better safe than sorry when it's a war for survival there is no luxury of being nice.


This. This is my blanky! There are many like it, but this one is mine.


And Canada is the shittiest country on Earth, how about that?


Laughter killed the mood?  Huh,  never had that problem.


sorry, skrillhouse is now *most definitely* a meme.


I do this too! It's good for your back of you're a side sleeper


If you don't like it then don't use this important part of the infrastructure. no one is forcing you to fly.


I don't even know how to fucking fall asleep. I feel like a baby.


Please kill yourself.


Moms friend opens glove compartment.

Sees gun.

Shoots driver in the head.

Your mum and her friend head for Mexico in the dead mans car.

Thelma and Louise: The teenage years.


Qualify your statement.

edit: just for the record, I like the original better. I just wanted some reason behind his statement.


It cost like a billion dollars to sit here and think "HAHA, you missed!"


Not really but since it looks like I will be playing the part of 'bad guy' you can pretty much say anything you want and be upvoted.  That's what usually happens.  Trust me, I do this often.


Jeez if that's the worst and you work in fast food be thankful.


thanks. I kinda went for the "urban dictionary" spelling.


All the parts in one post.  This is the one to follow OP


"John Harbaugh is whiny"
- Someone who roots for Tempertantrum Tom


Oh Drake, you never cease to amaze me.


Yeah, I get a bit bored of Reddit when I see another OAG on the front page.
(Here come the downvotes...!)


This is the one post in this thread to make me laugh myself to tears.

"Oh, baby, yeah, I'm gonna, unnngh, I'm gonna cum--! *pssht*"


im beginning to think all of the people on this subreddit are lazy , nonathletic bums who just suck at golf and feel the need to knock it because they are pissed they'll never be able to lose enough weight to get off their ass and go outside.


Im saying it is a lie also, if cheap motel escorts looked like that no one would have money.


My last one was coherent because you understood it buddy boy.


Idk when's the last time you've seen her naked, but she's not too bad.


Colbert's a devout Catholic and a multi-millionaire member of the 1%. I'm quite sure that, like all Christians, he'll follow the teachings of his lord and savior Jesus Christ, and give away all his possessions to the poor.

Right?

Has it happened yet?

Hello?


It's okay none of us would be able to see her with our wives around.


Oh jesus. We're not having kids yet. We probably won't be married until after high school.


His favorite sexual position is 'with a man'.


if you dont care why would you want info on it.


I don't think I can ever eat a banana again...


Opening up a link that has the word "CUNTS" on it is ok for work now? I better tell my boss tomorrow!


And I thought I was the only one bored with clubs the first time I stepped into one.


Downvoted the OP just because she threatened to kill herself for being harassed. It's never the right answer.


I don't think that a flat rate tax is good. I can pay a 50% tax rate and not feel a blow at all but a doctor making 300k a year can't. I'm not advocating a 50% tax rate for myself right now but I think that my rate should be higher than most others.


** PLEASE GET THIS CRAP OFF THE FRONT PAGE. I REMEMBER WHEN REDDIT USED TO BE GOOD. **


Ok, nurses in their freshly-washed scrubs at the start of their shift, then!


Because this isn't a room for 8 year olds? As for why you can't just sit on the bed I don't know though.


We have a Shipley's Doughnuts here in Nashville. The only holes I'll ever need.


Yes.

GIMME THEM DOWNVOTES


That's awesome. Just shows that a little kindness goes a long way.


LOL DIS ID FUNNY CAWSE DA OP ID MAD CAWSE HE CANT GET DAT PUSSIE CAWSE HES A BETA MALE FWAGGOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It came down to ratings. A lot of people didn't have the channel. Plus, I insisted that if I got a second season that I'd do it entirely in Spanish and in space.


JAEDONG

more like le dong amirite


My grandfather first told me this joke when I was 9.  We were in a courthouse.


Funny how LGBT usually [ignores the existence of trans men](https://www.reddit.com/r/ainbow/comments/2wmmd9/why_is_more_attention_paid_to_trans_women_than_to/), except for when they want to conveniently "exploit" (using your words) them in order to perpetuate the idea that men are predators.


> We shouldn't really need to bring god into this issue.

I see you've never met a texan.


Also the nerd was directed at both of you. Him for completing all those games, and you for making the list for him

<3


I initially read that as "ate out"... So confused...


from an utterly pointless language to the language of cleaners.  Wow what productivity.


Definitely. Haha. He will probably divide by 0 someday.


Have your friends ever attempted to fap to your mother?


It's hard to make out your expression because you maintain about a hectare of personal space.


I believe that player exists and has the nickname "Megatron."

Edit: wow you guys really pile on. I was more referencing the "mind of Jerry Rice" in a freak athlete.

Johnson has an extremely hard work ethic.


i just thought he was canadian, therefore bleeding maple syrup..


Oh shit now it's getting pretty serious.  HERE COME THE NEGATIVES


As horrible as this is, it's also every episode of My Super Sweet 16, so I'm desensitized.


"No one cared who I was until I put on **THE** mask."

OMG, massive quote fail.


Fellow South African here... you forgot the vuvuzela, and [this guy](http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/scumbag-south-african-sign-language-interpreter-meme.jpg).


So if you get vaccinated and I don't, I can make you sick? Didn't you get vaccinated for that? I don't buy this new vaccine craze. I don't think it gives you autism, but I would still rather be sick than seek medical attention for an illness I don't have. I don't vaccinate my kids either. Bring on the down votes.


That's a sweet story. If you had gotten pulled over, you would have melted the cop's heart.


I'm just going to join 9gag and repost things there.


I live in new york, and all I have to say is, fuck you.


Only source I can provide is my girlfriend is an EMT and she was at the scene. Beyond that, I got nothing.


Great question... thanks though.


Maybe we should consider whether we're better off when incorrigible little shits kill themselves.


"YOU BEEN HERE FOUR HOUR; YOU LEAVE NOW!  YOU SCARE MY WIFE!"


so he was captain hindsight?


As a black man, I can confirm this.


hey look he got offended by a comment awww don't make him cry guys leave em alone he's had it hard enough being a virgin nerd.


Check the area for scuff marks. Someone might be living in your attic.


Pussy. Go cry little pussy. "OH NO HIS HEAD IS GONE OMG WTF NSFL!!!!!!!!!!&&"


You sir just did the most perfect mix of /r/toosoon, /r/ImGoingToHellForThis and /r/gaming.


A befitting response to the "sport" of starcraft. I'm still unsure of why this reached my frontpage, but let me tell you this people:

starcraft is a *game*. Go play a legitimate *sport*. It's much more rewarding. Go outside, redditors..

There are *actual* friends to be had... This is just *facepalm*..


Or the old fake conversation in public:

"Hey man! What's up?"
...
"Yeah for sure! Me too."
...
"Oh I'm just waiting for the bus."
...
"Haha yeah I hear ya."
...
"I'll be there soon. I want a drink ready when I get there!"
...
"Haha yeah fuck you too!"

*glance around to see if anyone noticed how cool you are*


I came here to say that... rabble rabble rabble. You get an upvote anyways.


There's too much torture porn. We have to get back to actually being scary, not disturbing.


What the fuck is so hilarious about it? This is disrespectful. Maybe you'll find it more hilarious if I wipe my boogers on your face.


"I don't like sand. It's coarse and irritating and it gets everywhere..."


Needs more down votes and shit


American food seems to me like someone lets the kids decide what's for dinner. Every. Fucking. Day.


Thanks you for violating your oath of office and signing an unconstitutional bill paying for all these moochers with my money.

See you in November, faggot.


I work in IT. This means my googling is better than yours. That's it. I don't know why your proprietary software crashes with error code 0008359647, but google does and will tell me exactly how to fix it. 90% of the time I am just going to reinstall the software.


He sounds like a douchebag.

That's one of those things that you DO NOT say any woman.


Probably because they didn't want people driving the Michael Phelps way.


You didn't read the article...


As someone with terrible aim... bathroom cleaning has been reduced by 83%.


if you knew that his series was obtain a 25 ks, then the title wouldve given it away... >.>


No one cared how much I worked out until I put on the mask.


That can't be proven tho. She can claim she is suicidal but no shit you are in prison.


A fire truck that turns into a monster truck and the fire hose instead of spitting water it spits acid out and it has a fire hydrant and it connects a hose to that and it blows up and it turns into little monsters and the monsters get bigger if they get fire on them.


Women love to be compared /s

Also boobs

Edit: thehehe


if this guy is cumming with that minimal physical and visual stimulation, I have a feeling he won't even make it into her vagina before it's all over.


redditors have some low standards.


"She'll have a salad and a diet water"


It just looks like shitty Mexican architecture to me, oh and sweet tits. So stfu shit talker!!!


She doesn't know how to use the machine, you never lock your joints in a movement. Always keep tension under the muscle.


When we stopped believing in elementary school fairytales?


reddit goes down on everyone, don't feel special about it.


I can't fault you for that reasoning, I guess.

But still... fuck you and your upvote. My experiment was a failure. :-(


"If you didn't have that colored bus boy, I wouldn't have to hide your tip in the soup!"

"Ma'am, Jimmy is Irish. And you're being incredibly rac-"

"You mean you let Catholics work here!"


no, I'm talking about the "bioshock infinite" dlc they are releasing in awhile. They wan't 59.99 for that.


And tell us about your dog Colby


I've run into several mount rares (never Poundfist) and pop every CD I have, flasks, food buff, and pots just to kill it before anyone can reach it. Around 5% I'll put a message in general if no one has shown up yet.


The night of my wedding I found my new bride face down in the shower of the hotel we were staying it. It was a big wetroom type shower and she was just laying on the floor like it wasn't even weird. I joined her.


He's 17 right now! He'll be 18 this year though.


oh god he looks like fucking mewtwo


Girls always love compliments, regardless of if they're inappropriate. They just gotta act like it's offending.


STRAP THAT SHIT TO A ROOMBA AND RUN


Sounds like someone doesn't have a girlfriend/ boyfriend. That's ok, man. Someday.


It may be unrelated, but in certain circles asking about blood group is the equivalent to asking what your astrological sign is. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_types_in_Japanese_culture

if they are asking about home gardening, they may be the kind of hippy personality that would be in to thinking blood group determines destiny.


Fuck off. I know what i'm doing.


Looks like those bees have a bit of a human problem.


HYAAHAHAH THIS NIGGA IS FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHH FUCK DADDY FUCK!!!! SO FUNNY HOLY SHITTING CUNT SUCKING ASSHoLES LICK THAT LOLLIpOP HAHhahAAHhahaHAhaHAHAhahaaLKdfjADLKGJakldjGKLsHJDSKljdklGJdKLGJdlGJldgjlskdfjgKLSGJ

edit: downvotes? really?


What was the 2012 Mayan calendar prophecy all about, anyway?


Oh god, it was terrible.


That episode was originally supposed to have Hole, and the line was written for Courtney Love to say.

"Hi Homer! I'm a big fan, Courtney Love."
"Homer grateful!"


You're kidding, right? It was *twenty years ago,* in and coursework I only barely cared about.

Please do try to bear in mind that the goal here is to answer questions, not pick arguments with other contributors. I know you've struggled with that in the past, so I appreciate your continuing to work on it now.


The Exorcist erotic fanfic right here.


Fuck you. you are killing the rights of gaming consumers.


Reel in the six-foot shark with your trout rod! You can do it!


\>Linking to a .gif from /wooo/

newfag


Turn your phone off and throw it under the couch, in that case.


Be honest with yourself, they aren't.


*Set success rate: 1000%*

MUAHAHA


I wonder who controls the money supply of the US, EU and the world? Oh yeah, that's right, jews...


Someone with a lot of hate in their heart. Someone who detests people and wants them to squirm just seeing these, let alone imagining using them.


..... that was terrible


This stops right here.


So you're just accepting this as a circlejerk? Linking back to my initial statement does nothing.


What are you talking about? I can't believe you ask these questions to a 5 year old.


That's clearly excessive force. The cop had no reason to fear for his safety, the "attack" was over. Shooting someone at this range is potentially lethal, regardless of the ammunition.

The dude is an idiot, but the cop had no right to shoot without prior warning.


All aboard the AJ Train!!


But the test itself isn't unfair or inaccurate, right? Just it's usage (in your opinion).


Reddit: where I go to learn how to be scared of life.


I used to win and win, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I dont have to be an immigrant to know that is one of the stupidest things ever.


Who gives a F about poppy. F that oompaloompa


Hooking up as much as this "Kaputaffe" slut


we are all waiting on you to just be a caster man, you and 2gd could be the 2nd best casting duo in sc2


Considering that the actual UN doesn't recognize Taiwan either.. certainly.


God, they're so delicious! I'm freezing them and giving some away too. I've been harvesting blackberries on my rental property as well and have picked about 9 pounds already, with many more to go. Definitely worth the scratches!


FUCK man, how can people on this site be FOOLED into enjoying advertisements so much??? It's like some people don't even know that you're supposed to automatically hate amusing marketing campaigns!!


Created a second account to upvote this twice.


CHICKEN PIES!!

Chickens go in, pies come out


I guess because I've never kept anything someone sent me unless it was a picture of myself and that person. I didn't really think people saved things I sent them.


....wait just one note? over and over again?


I wouldnt adopt black children.. just hate to think about all the trouble they will inevitable end up in. its not that i have something against blacks.. just they tend to be too impulsive and short-sighted sometimes.


TL;DR: those who say Einstein sucked at math, suck at math.

Edit: Not a single suck was given.


Also you're obviously a retarded cunt.  You should be killed.


>around 6 months

>needed to make sure she didn't love me anymore

That's a long testing phase. You should get her to work for a games developer.


Hey! Awesome joke! /s

Love the use of exclamations! /s

Oh and I've been meaning to ask you about your username! So mysterious and stuff! /s

I think I dropped my /s /s lmao

Edit: hahaha wow

Edit 2: you can't just down vote and not say why. That's against reddiquette, but lmfao


You forgot the part about how it is powered by explosions.


Not with that attitude.

Edit: make a crass joke in the spirit of Insanity wolf... get downvoted.


We are pretty sure that this is what we'll do. I've been telling people we'd be like the Robin Hood of eggs. Eggciting!


Oh for fucks sake. I explained exactly where I found it.


Liberia representing the masterrace.


former mods. I resigned quite some time ago.

It's true, a lot of people's opinions don't matter on certain subjects. Like white peoples opinions on racism, cis people's opinions on transphobia, mens opinions on women's bodies or autonomy or sexism, abled people's opinions on ableism, straight peoples opinions on homophobia, etc etc.


>internet remains the open forum for everybody

I don't think we're worried about it being open.

I think we're worried about our government taking away our privacy and unbiased access.

What do you say about that?


I'm sorry but how fucking stupid are some users to not put a 4-number lock on their damn phone. It astounds me when stuff like this happens out of put laziness by the original user.


I was positive the original post was older than a month.  Ever notice the weird effect Reddit has on the space/time continuum?  Always take how long ago an old post feels and divide by 5 and you'll have a good idea how long ago it was really posted.


Who are you to judge him like that?


Really though, how is this legal? Hopefully when the new net neutrality laws go into effect in a couple months HBO and sony file a lawsuit and some precedents get set for this sort of shit.


>Upvoting this because it might save ~~Redittors~~ **people who don't understand how to keep track of money they are spending** from going broke.

FTFY


I get that, but she's talking about her reunion. IMO, a 23 year old woman who is married with a kid is winning.


Oh, and if the rock starts getting louder, it means its trying assert it's dominance in the bedroom and steal your mate


i like very much that you need to make justifications for me in your own head to feel better about yourself.


God I love asses and science!


The fuck? You think rape is funny? Even if it's in the form of a shitty rage comic it's still sick. Downvoting you and this post.

Fuck you.


dat gay agenda.  ... gettin free mcdonald's


Just tried to say it in the most furious way I could. I just sounded silly.


At least I get invited to them, unlike you. I don't go to parties with smokers. They're still fun.


He'll be rusted by 19.


Man up, and quit crying.  Christ, reddit is the biggest group of babies on the internet.  Sure, it sucks a child was injured in an accident, but accidents don't spare children, women, or old people.  Hell, most are caused by those three in particular.


Don't forget congress, I think Wikipedia had to ban their entire IP range


^ This person is a faggot rapist tranny who uses r/shitredditsays entirely for the purpose of getting mad at things said on the internet.


*Chandler: Look around, you guys. This was your first home. And it was a happy place, filled with love and laughter... but more importantly, because of rent-control, it was a friggin' steal.*


*Scumbag Morgan Freeman*

*Makes millions of dollars through acting,*

*Buys sailingboat and sails around Caribbean whilst children in Africa still die.*


>My actual house is not filled with quarterpipes and rails, unfortunately.

disappoint.


fuck off nigger. i dont see why anyone would want to date someone as ignorant as yourself


A friend.  Keep telling yourself what you need to sleep at night, comrade.


"Is that real?"

"Can't be real."

"It sure be funny if it was real..."

"This is reddit, its always real....."

"..hmmmmm...."

*le clicke*

"HOLY SHIT ITS REAL!"


A cop showed up at noonish and broke the news so she was not actually aware when I made the comments. She laughed along with my bitching...


He was making a joke you prick.


in korea i've been really famous for my concert. coming soon to USA...


Why would he immediately look at the ref and throw his hands up otherwise?


Or because the pants were off


I'll upvote you backwards backwards.


The look on my wife's face as she tasted her anniversary breakfast in bed was priceless. I tried it and have to say that 'new and unusual' isn't always good.


I used to see what you did there, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


So when you died you'd just toss the batch and start fresh?


no because crackers never fucking listen and just whine endlessly about how their stupid dumb feelings are being hurt for not being automatically deferred to in every fucking matter


Spread eagle Jesus can take anything.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


He's so 80's if he were to walk past Obama then Obama would magically transform into Ronald Reagan.

Edit: I'm here all week folks. Try the veal.


Guess he heard the guy coming.


Would have upvoted for 1 and 2, downvoted for the second paragraph. r/sex doesn't need to be your personal jack-off zone, just answer the question.


Cool story, bro. I especially like the "in red" part. "In blue" wouldn't have had the same effect.


A lot of districts in Europeans cities are this way... It's not that impracticable but it's completly unadapted to the american way of life. Cars and small streets with no parking space don't mix very well.


What cost?  All you have to do is refuse to pay your premiums.  They'll fine you $750 per year, and can't deny you if you need them.


I have a sense of humor.

But for fucks sake, if my local LARP chapter runs in front of me and carries off a girl like the victors in a war, I'm done.


Don't forget to upvote the above comment.


Now is the time to use social media to make your complaint. That usually will get their attention. Even if you never go back, you still might save some other poor soul.

Edit: I'm fairly certain Alaska Airlines isn't trolling Reddit for feedback. Not the social media I was referring to.


so this post is not even the first time you made one of these? FFS. What next? Bill Gates posting about how he wrote a computer program?


I've been reading these and wincing, but this took me off guard. It is absurdly cute.


If you seriously think they've learned anything from this, you're a hopeless optimist.


My 9-year old often discusses net neutrality with his friends. Typically when their ISIS conversation dies down, or they are done flicking their boogers.


No, but my mum dying at a bible camp because of an act of god would still be funny.


This is the closest to relevant my account name has ever been.


When will you guys stop with the childish behavior of claiming the world is against you. This closet atheism is both cowardly and unbecoming, I understand this lawless community believes in nothing maybe that's why you hide your beliefs....because you have none. Food for thought.


I'd not hire you just to avoid the inevitable conversation about it.


Just telling it like it is pal.
Don't hate Islam because I'm an asshole, that would just be stupid.

"Ya see this 'er Ma?
Sum asshole on Reddit on this 'ere "In..ter...net" said something insensitive. Now I'm gonna hafta hate 2 billion people now cuza him!.


I always wished the series ended like this:

He slays Voldimort in the end of the final movie and the screen shows his face with the school in the background.

The school fades into 4 Privet Drive and he's standing over Vernon Dursley's dead body, holding a wooden stake, covered in blood.


Fuck no. This is the worst fucking thing to happen to gaming. I was hoping that this fucking genre of video gaming would fucking die and it did in 2009. Now it's coming back as a fucking zombie? Fuck. Now every Trendy Wendy and Popular Pete is going to want this pleb shit at thier fucking parties.


I never said I wouldn't fuck them


fine - deleted, you guys are harsh


The collective noun for Shia Labeouf: embarrassment.

Usage: "I was going to eat lunch in the park, but was chased away by an embarrassment of Shia Labeoufs."


if I knew who made the picture, then I would certainly call the source


Dude. That would be horrifying if you legitimately fell for it


he DID NOT FALL OUT OF A TRUCK!! where the hell did that even come from???? JESUS!!! If you dont want to sign dont sign!!!


Do you have XL bacon flavored?


Oh I didn't know someone had made a dictate that news could no longer be considered news if it actually evoked any emotional reaction.

Here is a cat picture for you.

Will it be censored If I mention they look angry at you?
http://www.catranchrescue.org/uploads/4/6/9/9/4699379/8996958_orig.jpg


Walking through forests must be an interesting experience for you.


If I could upvote this more...


don't know if i would consider this a plot hole but, city is about to blow up in like 2 hours, batman shows up, "wait a minute guys, let me make a flaming bat on that bridge before we do anything."


Then I :sadface: for you. This is the reason people are called X Hunter X on Guild Wars, or why people name their children Saturday.

Names do matter!

Coca Cola, Pepsi, Tango, Fanta, Google, Apple, XSearchX, Microsoft, Macromedia, Adobe, Yahoo, Reddit, Facebook, Twitter

One of these is not like the other..


It's obvious from the way he's sitting.


Dunno what you're implying, but good for you for implying so


I am a 19 year old atheist studying Engineering and I agree that we should be entitled to free shit because I'm going to be an Engineer.

Edit: I also know everything.


She lawyered you dude. That's why she gets paid. They're brilliant at putting spin on things that make it sound so reasonable, but it's actually BS. You're right, I shouldn't have come at her like that, but I still think she's not doing the right thing.


The same kind that leave religious pamphlets as tips at restaurants. &#3232;\_&#3232;


They are feminists dedicated to equal rights. Equal rights means free speech.


I knew one goose who wasn't an asshole, but he hatched along with and rolled with a bunch of ducks growing up.  They were best pals and he did duck things and made weird approximations of duck noises.  Baby honestly made me believe that the goose assholeness is cultural.


yeah! that's what needed. spare time "developers" who don't get memory managment and write crashing unstable apps.

go to android. please!


I generally think that bumber stickers are kind of stupid no matter what.


Agreed but they weren't regular chips.

Some low fat almost healthy kind.


He walked in and said "Ewww, I was going to eat that! And now it's going to taste like cucumber."


Also just in: The only people that like fat girls are people that have to settle.


I cannot think of anything more stereotypically Jewish.


That's a bad way of working. In the wild, the death of one creature is a food source of another creature. We've already fucked up the food chain enough, we don't need our empathy fucking it up even more. Some vulture somewhere is probably hungry as hell...


When I was a sweet-looking teenager, my grandma and I would sometimes sneak into movies at big cinemas. No one suspected.

She'd pack sandwiches.  I should call her...


Course you do, cause pseudo intellectuals love things being vague enough that they can lurk in the shadows of actual understanding.


cops are so lazy. there is no reason they couldn't call the pizza place and get the address.


I like this idea. Give every faggot marine a gameboy. That way, they will be distracted in battle and more of them will die. Free Palestine!


"I need more wub wub!"

"SHE CANNAE TAKE MUCH MORE CAP'N!"

I'm not really sure why I thought Scotty.

Edit: This single comment now accounts for a 1/6th of my total comment karma now.


Not only this, but Kanye *owes* guys like Beck. He wouldn't be where he is now without amazing works by *true* artists to sample. You think his early club-smashers would have been anything special if it had not been from samples of artists who actually performed their music on instruments? Nah.

Yet here Yeezy goes, shitting where he eats.


Would anyone like.... a peanut?


That wasn't clever? While everyone is too busy trying to figure out something witty to say, I'm just sitting here being honest.


if those mobsters had their mom divide up the product before hand


The fuck? I watched Jason White throw like 3 in the first quarter at the Orange Bowl.

But you're probably like 19 and don't remember.


FROM MY POINT OF VIEW THE PIZZA IS EVIL!


Thats exactly what when through my mind. Upvote.


Then after a half an hour of celebrating the real marching band comes in plays the Benny Hill Theme Song in its entirety, and as soon as they're done an even bigger banner drops down in front of the first one that says "GO FUCK YOURSELF!"


Someone gets shot and you make a joke? Grow up.

Or alternatively, go to /r/imgoingtoh*llforyhis with the other people who think this kinda stuff is edgy...

Edit: downvotes? Really? Go to bed kids, ya got school in the AM...


***WINEMAKERS HATE HIM!!***


You don't seem like you'd be very fun in real life.


who are these people??? I can't imagine going up to a complete stranger demanding money! WTF?


I'm an idra fanboy but this is fucking amoral


Well at least now you know which one has the emotional maturity of an 8 year-old.


No, Gavin is a suave and intelligent British guy who has incredible skills with a slow motion camera who is deserving of all the respect that he gets.


HE HAS RAZORS IN HIS HOUSE!! HE'S A DANGER TO CHILDREN EVERYWHERE!

Some parents need to chill out.


Downvotes all round. Considering someone already reposted this, I don't see why we need to have this superfluous duplicate thread.


Good Guy stalker: Doesn't want to stalk you anymore,

returns your stuff without raping you.


I actually like that idea.


*But enough about the Italians*


Just keep telling yourself that, pothead.  The facts are facts:  Pot is addictive, more likely to give you lung cancer than cigarettes, and has been proven time and time again to be a gateway drug.

The ban on marijuana has saved thousands of lives.  I'll be voting for Mitt Romney to make sure we get a president in the White House who has vowed to keep this harmful substance illegal.


"Eventually, they'll leave you alone."


Eh, it's just that being subjected to what she calls "music" makes me wish for a sniper bullet to the head.


We investigated ourselves and found we did nothing wrong.

Have a nice day.


That's cause I got enough #swag to say it.

**#YOLO!!!!!!!!!**


Maybe his thermometer read -273 Celsius.


Your apparent lack of real-world experience and your predisposition to become easily agitated lead me to believe that you are little more than an angsty 16 year old. is this a fair assumption?


Holy shit! Commenting to remember this later! Thx!


Good thing you clarified you didn't believe in heaven; everyone would've thought so much less of you and your comment otherwise.


I think Ben is telling us to lick more Fish-type things, for a world of smiles.


I want to give you a downvote for a violation of sect.  4b p7 of the rules of the internet, "over-extending a pun". But you did it so well. Have an upvote.


I'm just saying that I don't care how funny or charming they are, I wouldn't touch a fat person with a 10 foot pole.


>Hahahahahaha, that caught my attention to. I think humans taking flight for the first time is much different from gluing fly to a piece of wood shaped to be a plane.<

Correction: Hahahahahaha, that caught my attention **too**. I think humans taking flight for the first time is much different from gluing **a** fly to a piece of wood shaped **like** a plane.


To be fair, with him being a doctor he may have also have to deal with a large number of literal assholes on a daily basis.


-2 karma instantly after comment. now -21. What is going on?


Somewhere between 65 and 130..


HERNDL... CERCKS... HER HER MAHR MAHR


Holy shit, I think you're "the one that got away".


How long did it take you to do **LE** shading on her upper lip?

xD ftfy


You might want to discuss it with her before you get married.


I kept seeing them and wanted to try it. This was the only time we did that and I thought the results were pretty funny.


I just imagined your class being taught by The Doctor.


It actually makes attack easier.


Take them to a planetarium show.


I've only ever seen one of these before, which is where I got the idea. I take it then my your disliking that it's a popular thing?


I'm really glad this never happened.


I lie, not my newsfeed :(

*For what it's worth, GF's newsfeed who has this girl added for cheap laughs.

** And [because everyone on facebook must be your RL friend](http://cdn.memegenerator.net/images/160x/1156228.jpg)


"Bitch if I came $100 bills I'd be fucking MUCH hotter women than you."


Making some assumptions there buddy? Did OP ever say the guy was a dick to the dealership employees? I'm furious because my check engine light came on a day after I picked up the car from my mechanic. But that doesn't mean I was a dick when I talked to him on the phone today. Jesus Fucking Christ


BIG fan of your gaming podcast.


Which curse? the internet itself, or just Internet Explorer?

inb4 some unfunny faggot says "Yes."


I think I could live with that.


Why can't I hold all these downvotes?

**Edit:** Thanks Reddit, my useless internet points have successfully been reduced!


Is your life a sitcom?


You are so dense dude. It's a fucking joke.


They are so human, they are literally humans.


account names win an upvote


not slander when it's true.


So... what you are saying is.... hamper current game that we run on the consoles we currently own (and paid probably a higher price for) so that we can play with more people when the sequel comes out?

Really??


Ain't nobody got time for that!


lol you sound 19 and full of hope right now.  this is a fantasy that would never play out.


I must not have had enough sleep, because somehow I read "BC pills" as "Bill's PC" and things were suddenly very very weird.


I think it's completely stupid, shame on the fans.


i buy...so many presents.


The problem you run into is that most people would agree that this girl should get her playhouse.  Then you'll get someone else who will cite this variance to get what they want. And then the one after that will cite the previous.  So on and so forth. Soon you'll have people getting a variance to paint depictions of hard-core porn on their roof because they got the flu.


That's 49% adorable

51% terrifying.


Most of his links come from anti-feminist or mens rights blogs as opposed to actual studies. So yeah, seriously.


Because the masturbation jokes write themselves.


Your's will probably be super boring.


Man1: spits in urinal.
Man2: Do you always spit when you piss?
Man1: ...Yeah...I guess.
Man2: What is it about cock that makes your mouth water?


It's fucking disgusting. I'm not black and I would never under any circumstances eat ass. So fucking gross and unsanitary.  I hate eating pussy too, only rarely would I do it. A relationship should only consist of a girl giving head, ideally.


At least this will only happen for a few years.


How is this possibly being downvoted?

Edit: I don't understand reddit anymore.


Maybe it's a real life Children of Men scenario and we just haven't noticed because we've been online.


It was pretty much an assault taking place
 Shit talker or not I don't think a legit gym would be run that way?  Edit- i learn everything I know from YouTube comments then bring it back to reddit to teach


Well, how are you at harvesting minerals, vespene gas, and constructing additional pylons?


Relevant username! Haha!


cause they meddling bitches


Better late than never.  Unless its 9 months late.


And heckle moderately.

*Your albums aren't competitively priced thus preventing your fans from supporting you financially BOO *


The conflict could be ended overnight if the U.S. / IMF stopped funding the Kiev regime. The people in Donbass have a right to defend themselves from being slaughtered and subjugated.


Maybe the dogs were attempting to destroy the tampon. To protect you from bears.


its more to show peoples disapproval of what you are saying

Doesn't that go against reddiquette?


That isn't fun at all.


Bitcoin is about faith and not giving up at the sign of any red flag. The sheep still using US's worthless paper money have ignore billions of red flags


No it's more like saying all Nazi's hate Jews.

AFIAC, all Muslims should be on the no fly list until they are thoroughly investigated. If nothing else, it would eliminate the need for 3 year olds to be molested at the airport.


"Fwends, woh-mans, countwymen, lend me yo ears"


LOLOLOLOL!!!! Ultimate!


No, dammit, you should have married that girl! You'll never have that bond with anyone else ever again.


I used to be confused of the Bungie sign, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


How about a Bill Nye & Neil Degrasse Tyson - The Science Guys? Or would you be concerned with exposing the world to that much condensed awesomeness?

(Edit: First ever comment on Reddit - 1129 upvotes. I'm kinda touched.)

(Edit the second: Ok, how about Bill, Neil, and Brian Cox? I'm fairly certain I might become spontaneously pregnant if that show ever happened.)


The police had a reason to search your place and lied about why they went in there. Yes, yes you should be concerned. If you have done someting illegal then stop doing it, if you have not then contact a lawyer and have them file a complaint on your behalf.


I told the free ham joke to my jewish friend and he didnt even blink with a response.

"Thats not a dilemma. You take the pork, give it to a charity, and take the tax write off."


Gambino ain't no rapper, he a bitch nigga. Ain't no rapper in that faggy face and lil boy body, talkin bout girls en shit. Nigga what happened to killin cops and crips?


i think they already use it - that's why their info is always irrelevant or wrong


That's funny coming from someone who posts in kotakuinaction.

Holy shit the brigade is strong with this one.


"You just did, motherfucker!" *HIGH FIVES BIDEN*


well, I'm drunk and unnecessarily aggressive.

Check and mate, asa.


I know the feel of that last one. Right in the reality.


The difference is Americans fight for freedom--the freedom of our people and the freedom of others.  That's what Operation Iraqi Freedom was all about, whereas Khalid Sheik Mohammed killed for the opposite reason:  *He hated freedom.*


From the looks of it, OP's mom did the delivering


I see what you did there.


OH MY GOD I WANT TO WATCH THIS MOVIE!!!!


he meant in the last 2 years under harbaugh. we abandoned the run game that was our bread and butter.


Anyone else hoping it's their friend?


I'm not dissing him at all, but OP said that he looks good for his age and reply after was "do you think he wears all the crosses for decoration?" as if religion helped him look young, if that was what he meant, please explain


dude come here, give me a hug.


The most underrated of any store in 'merica.


I like to computer too, slightly facist old lady.


HI WEDDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST CWEAN MY ROOM SO MY MOMMY SAYD DAT I CAN PWAY ON DA WEDDITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Dr. Phophra http://i.imgur.com/EFXEs.jpg


was about to comment this exact same thing....


First time playing that I thought you had to left click on the kids. Smashed a child's head with my mace, wondering why he wasn't "it" when the entire militant in the city came to beat the shit out of me.


Go back to theredpill weirdo.


What kind of a person turns down a free, warm Chicago deep dish?


that's because you've beem banned from voting numbnutz it's not hard to go through your history and see WHY you don't down vote anymore.


Call him and find out. Maybe?


I almost laughed at this comment, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


I read in Time magazine that you and your cousin gargle shit for a living.


No way they're that sexy either.  There we be no good reason to cover them up.  Also, I just realized how awful what I just typed was.  It was kind of a stream of consciousness, take it or leave it.


My arm got broken by a scooter once. When I was 12 or 11 my buddy threw a fucking scooter at my arm and broke it.
EDIT: Since everyone is asking, we were taking turns throwing it as far as we can by spinning it in circles and then he let go at the wrong time, and it hit my arm. It's understandable that people could be confused by this.


Oh no, I'm a cunt over the internet who implied that I should have aborted my beloved son and somebody CALLED ME ON IT.

I'll go cry myself to sleep tonight. May you rest assured that your words were not wasted. I will slice my wrists in the bathtub and sob about the ever so harsh world... of... the internet.

DAMN YOU, RANDOM INTERNET FOE, DAMN YOU!


With that logic I've survived every war and natural disaster in the last 15 years.


GAGA MAMY why DADA PUT his SnakE ON My VAGINIA!!!! GOO GAH goo I wana pwuay owieee!!!!!!!!


Maybe he's just clueless.

"YAY SPORTS GOAL!"

"Why aren't you guys cla.. Oh, shit.. nevermind."


You assume everyone is a Christian conservative. Fucking douche nozzle. Try shutting your fucking man pleaser for once.  Go back to your circle jerk over Obummer. You aren't even worth the effort.


I don't think he's a chairman any more, the legs seem to be working fine.


haha! Took me five minutes of reading this thread to figure out why all of you have your panties wadded up and jammed up your ass. It's the home row, if you have a problem with this being portrayed accurately I recommend you cure your OCD with a salt water lobotomy at 116 PSI injected straight into your skull.


Bullshit.

Anytime we try to get strict we get pitchforks.

You guys want another rule added, we can discuss that but to say that it is an enforcement issue is bullshit.
\

What change do you want to see?


Your definition of unambiguous is very different from my definition (i.e., you're saying that the comment isn't something that could also be interpreted in context as a snarky comment to poke fun at LPT posts, which has been the norm in this subreddit).

Doesn't matter though, the mob has already descended on my minority opinion.  A shame though, because I like this place.


My dad works at a cemetery. He's lined our garden with all the misprinted stones (names facing the dirt). If we ever sell the house there will be confusion.


How the fuck is a racist joke  the top fucking comment?! What the fuck is wrong with you people?! When is grievous bodily harm funny?


Sounds like a great way to ruin my socks


Yaaaay! Nice! Way to go, JJB! Love your work, as always. :)


My ancestors did the same thing.


fucking queer piece of shit; kill yourself you faggot mongering nigger


These Dyson vacuum cleaners are getting bigger every year!


He's comparing them to U21 captains, no?  Glad asking a question gets me downvoted.  Don't expect much more from Arsenal fans though.


As an American, I hate that I am laughing hysterically at this.


Yeah, re-downvoting you here, and even if reddit may have liked your joke for some inexplicable reason, I'm sure they wouldn't agree with you using slurs. The word you're looking for is "faggot" which can be used to mean "bad OP" - "fag" is just a demeaning term for gays. Just like "nigga" and "nigger"


Make eye contact with her next time she does it and wink at her. Maybe smell your finger too. She will stop, trust me.


>has references to nazi concentration camps, recent violence in ferguson, racist stereotypes

literally what WERE you expecting cause this is pretty shitty already

edit: keep the downvotes coming :) fun to have a counter of how many racist 12 year olds frequent this sub


A very warm soft, loving place...


>Please take my mother's advice: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it.

The first sentence implies that it was only your mother's advice.
>You represent everything that is wrong with GW-ers. Enjoy the downvotes.

The second implies that all of gonewild as a whole has a certain mentality.

Overall you sound very stuck up.


So you're the asshole who killed Houdini.


Protip: L2english before posting next time


lol people don't spend their rent money on drink at the club because katty perry made them do it, they do it because they are dumbfuckers


You are the one who should STFU, Kelly has done more than enough to pro scene to be respected.


"Freezer's packed full! #deadhooker"


Have a downvote, courtesy of me.


7 year old me was so pissed that he couldn't check out another book until he paid his two dollar fine for returning a book a few days late.

That librarian was a bitch, man.  Two dollars is so much money to a 7 year old.

It was like the child version of getting a call from a collection agency for $3,000 for something you don't even remember doing.


No it's not. Why would I ever want to dress myself up as a low class nigger. Fuck that shit.


If there is one thing the brits and the yanks have in common it's this. I'm american and it infuriates me when people cut the line. Where I come from you do that shit you either are ready to fight or dumb enough not to realize you just got yourself into one.

edit: added is


haha very funne upvotes 4 u my friend and for me too maybe? :D

oke no upvotes then fak u redit


When I saw him kill a person.


grammar nazi here:

>Did you die?

FTFY


i wish i could downvote this more.


That's because it's just Malcom in the Middle

Edit: Oh hey! My top comment is about a show I've never seen. Neat!


Honestly, why wouldn't you just cite that? You obviously took the time to copy/paste it from somewhere. You obviously didn't have that memorized. You're a motherfucker.

It's from The Fountain  (2006)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0414993/


Don't worry Cap'n we'll buff out those scratches


This is a gross oversimplification if the matter at hand. My point is that you can't judge all anime by watching a handful of shows anymore than you can judge all movies by watching the twilight saga.


Big boobs help keep your cross in place.


WTF?!

Please - don't be a dick about serious stuff like this. It is highly probably that, if you are over 30 you know someone who has been raped.


You're married to a man with balls. Congratz OP!


I used to buy him dinner first, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


winrar is too. It just isnt happy about it.


Also you can see how much the reddit population dislikes us by the downvotes we're getting. We could really use a solution quickly


Nice try!  You can't win 74 straight Jeopardy games without also learning how to pass the Voight-Kampff.  Nexus-6 babeeee.


Why should he be professional, he didn't cause the problem


Mal, Mal, boxer briefs, over, Dr.Pepper.


You mean intravenous drug users?. Can you see a pattern here?, ie direct exchange of bodily fluids.


And produce their own light


Hey you faggots, since you censored my first comment, I think I'll try again.

**I hope his grandmother dies of a heart attack**


Oh man, my roommates and I used to have Saturday morning dance parties. Whoever woke up first would crank up some dance music and we would meet in the hallway outside of our rooms and dance our asses off for 10-15 minutes. Always a great way to start a Saturday.


if she was brave, she wouldn't need so much stuff.


The most disobeyed warning in America.


White people have a tendency of putting their noses where it doesnt belong.


That's a great idea, but the guy was already born.


Yeah, and you can just believe anything coming from the other side (like Clinton's speech, the crap about killing a woman, etc.)

Stop being such a bag of douches.


Classic movie. Simple premise, but executed superb with lots of tension.

It's also a very progressive movie with its underlying message, especially considering it's from the 50s.


I used to shut the fuck up, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Dude, METAL.  You just saved me money.  I wish I could afford to give you gold but unfortunately all I can give is an upvote and well wishing. Or a maybe a job if you're a good gardener, salesman, or i502 savvy accountant and you live within commuting distance of Bellingham, WA.   Thank you, kind citizen.


Are you admitting to breaking reddits rules? He might be an asshat but you're not in the right to downvote him for the sake of lowering his karma.

Edit: Alright cool shit, guys. Don't cut yourself on that edge. It's literally in fucking reddiquete to not do that.


More like "Wait I NEED to take a picture of you standing there to show my new douchebag boyfriend how it's supposed to be done... God I wish he was more like you AHAHA"


Not true. They're releasing Windows Vista: Millennium Edition this year. It's going to be their biggest flop ever.

Now all they need to do is release Microsoft Office: Vista 2.0 and they're in trouble.


It's a bint who is well known for letting blokes cram their tallywhackers into her minge.


Good job you're a welfare queen.


He's still got it ladies and gentlemen


The other comment section was full of it and got deleted so you are trying to bring it back up here.


you're right, everyone should be complacent because it's not as bad as somewhere else.


DOTA went further, but took much longer to gain momentum.


I know I'd trust 4chan.org over britannica.com. You just never know what those wacky encyclopedia salesmen will tell ya.


No.  Writing "this book is a work of fiction" is improving them.

I bet all your pillows still have that "Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law" tag on them.  Also, you always "Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat."


Excellent question. Do they have proportional strength because gorillas pack a mean punch, even in kitten size.


Bestof within a bestof? I like where this is going...


Fuck it, I thought it was funny...and my judgment remains.


While Kevin has been busy with Reddit, she has already met his parents.


*what *you *talking *when *narwhal
And midnight my good sir


> Take a penny, leave a penny trays, thats just common sense

More like common *cents*, amirite??!?

...

Guys?


*their bear:people ratio

Edit: sad times for reddit when teaching proper grammar is downvoted


Save the Children and Ministry of Health and Social Welfare.


The majestic *subreddit hipster*, everybody.


Wearing a fake mustache and acting as a female. Interesting ploy, SO, interesting ploy.


I really don't care that you don't care mane and I don't care if you don't care if I don't care if you don't care mane


But some religions have significantly more extremists.


xkcd is the most comprehensive documentation of the autistic mind that has ever been written.


Dude buttstuff on a 6.5; AND it helped you out? That's a fuckin win


came here to post that. have an upvote instead


Your cat though...not so much.

EDIT: To the 20 or so people that have replied or sent me messages telling me I'm wrong, chill the fuck out. I'm sure your cat loves you just fine. I don't need you to cite me an example of your cat.


Fair enough good sir; I simply couldnt comment without a slight jab at ye old Spurs.


Western architects and engineers, South Asian labourers - all Dubai does is provide the funding and the soil.


screw that! they should have had a better firewall they wouldnt have gotten called out!


Venereal diseases for you and me.


Go fuck your left hand again, douchebag.


**Make them play the Giants**


Next time you're lying alone in bed, wondering what's wrong with you and why you don't have any real friends, know this: You ARE a miserable waste of a human being. People only like you when you give them things, other times, they want you to go away. Get used to being lonely. You always will be.


Jenny gets a stormy cloud sticker today for not covering her tracks well enough.


I like how this is a repost.

From two days ago.


Probably just flirted her way into verification...


Would knowing I *have* a cunt make my comments sound a little different?


could you go into a little bit more detail about the falafel?

How was the white sauce? Did it have tomatoes?


>Trans-people are abnormal

&#3232;\_&#3232;


So, in a way do you think its good to have rich friends where money is the same to them?


upvoted for very appropriate WOW reference.


Mostly true.  Though one time I was getting head in my kitchen and I didn't realize we had an audience until a bunch of people on the sidewalk 3 stories below started cheering.  Luckily my gf at the time was a good sport, and thought it was funny.


Statistically speaking, 23% is a high number, and we should probably be more worried about shower lingering murderers.


>  Our brains are an amazing organ!

The brains an amazing organ...according to the brain.


I dunno, let's ask the guy whoring his sick daughter for karma.


Im renaming my wifi from 'offline' to 'hotel coverlet'. hopefully people won't touch it.


Welcome to the village of WIN! Here are you internets. You've earned them.


Nice try, Chris Brown.


I DIDN'T KNOW DAT I WAS DA MEME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMY WHY DOS DA WEDDIT CALL ME DA DWUNK BABBY?????????????????? GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I'm glad you asked this question.

Yamaha 2001 YZF-600r Thundercat

2006 R6

Now 2005 FZ6n(I commute an hour and half daily now, much more comfortable)


I came here to say just that.


That's not irrational.  Those things are fucking creepy.


I think that's considered better, because it wasn't sexual in nature. We're afraid of sex, so women will 'slap' sexual harassment charges on something so small as this.


But when your daughter/wife is there, make sure to throw him the odd smile and perhaps a wink, if you think you can get away with it.


you seem like a self-important loser. god bless your tiny cock.


Correct, it's like 80% bad


Yeah, because it's *so* hard to lift your fucking hand off your mouse and onto your keyboard to type a simple fucking web address. Forgive me for not extending you that courtesy.


23, I would later end up dating her daughter. A serious relationship, thats still current. (She does not reddit).


Because you're 5 years old?


10 second search and....

http://www.xvideos.com/video1952890/slim_ebony_hottie_fucking_japanese_man

**Edit** NSFW

**Double Edit** Of all my time on reddit, this is the comment I have the most karma from. Thanks Reddit.


NOOO IT CAN'T BE, COPS ARE SO PROFESSIONAL AND GLORIOUS AND WE MUST THANK THEM FOR "SACRIFICING" THEIR TIME TO PROTECTING AND SERVING US ALL!

-_-

Bunch of bums in a uniform, that's all.


Not sure if economist getting gradually more evil, or gradually more drunk.


WEDDIT IS DA ONLY PLACE WHER DA GRWON MEN CAN DWESS UP LIK DA FAGGOTS AND DA PEOPLE THINK IT OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY MOMMYY SAYD DAT DIS IS WHY DA WEDDITORS ARE DA VIRGINS GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Too many cocks spoil the broth.


I'm a Mac user, and I love the fact that I can pull up a Unix terminal without tinkering too much.  *Where is your neckbeard now?*


Hey! You take your uplifting, positive story and get the hell out of here. We don't like your kind around here.


u did'int make it i did


I did!  I found a really good story about that, too:  http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2xqhkr/what_is_the_most_extreme_form_of_penny_pinching/cp2g8j2


People will be paying far more attention to the apple watch


And you're also a dude...


reminds me of [this gem](http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3rfh1b/)


She was dropping hints.


No it's not. It's cancer and it only helps to perpetuate the shit quality of mainstream music that we have nowadays. They don't even play instruments anymore.


*Knock Knock*

Who's there?

*Shamp*

Shamp who?

*No, Sham-poo ma. Sham-poo.*


would have been funny, but noone give's shit about Halo. Halofags think they are so good, PFFFFFFFFT.


I used to buy him dinner first, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Ironic for a site that causes me to get so little done every year.


your life has no meaning.


Rad!  Thanks for the likeness!


>He even closes his eyes to take in all the feels. ~~ings of safety and family.~~

-84 for this. Haha, idiots.


Did you know mama is german for mom?


"STILL" getting high? Sorry am I suppose to stop that at some point?


Response: "I think it is. Have you had a baby recently?"


Why Lebron look like Urkel?


*ELABORATE VOICEMAIL!* ^^leave ^^it


Not if you found the image somewhere else and would have had to go digging through Tumblr to find the original.


Leo wasn't even in any films in 2014 and he was still snubbed!


His last move is to Switzerland.


Meh. I've seen black women bigger than that.


I don't get how this is wtf. Is it bad to be skinny now? I hate all this glorifying of fat women saying its okay to be fat. Its not. It looks horrible and makes women ugly as fuck.

I wish more women would learn to eat less. But now the word "anorexia" is an evil buzzword‚ no one wants to be accused of being anorexic.

The girl in the pic looks great. She's almost there.


"It's cold and we're out of vodka."


*You don't have ideas how many times I had to read that before I posted it


If you liked Mein Kampf 1, you might enjoy:

Mein Kampf 3

Main Kampf 7


a very high skill cap champ when played at high elo like he does.....


Right, because it's not like you're already taking up the whole bed or anything.


>Except on the women's subreddit.

Feminists will use any excuse to say that MRAs are all evil murderous misogynists. Remember Elliot Rodger?


Just to be clear- all tips are *supposed to be* taxed regardless of whether it's in cash. You're just going to be hard-pressed to find a waiter who's willing to report cash tips to the IRS.


Reading comprehension motherfucker, do you have it?


Thing is, if you're at a strip club alone on valentine's day, she knew that there was nobody to get upset over lipstick on you. But if she boosts your ego then you feel better and have a higher likelihood of tipping well.


sure. take it, This picture was made near Big Stone Lake State Park. very nice place to come to your rest if you had a stressfull day. I love it.


Oh so you beat your meat for your family.


Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, miles away from civilization, you should be able to find servers with low ping.


Calling your mom, so she can make you shut the fuck up.


I've always found it somewhat humbling to think that we will never know the name of our first city.


3 annoyed me. The toys just accept death.


Nervous?....Yes......First time?.........No, I've been nervous lots of times.


> You're clearly more intelligent than your peers?

I didn't get an air of superiority from this.  Grad students post messages like this all the time and we all identify with them.


Oh I thought it worked for girls, too.


I wish the mods had lockette this thread already. Smh.


"Leslie Tiller was FUCKING MURDERED"

"What like George Merchant?"

"Yes!"

"And Martin Blower?"

"Yes!"

"And Eve Draper?"

"No, actually."

"Really?"

"OF COURSE SHE FUCKING WAS!"

Edit: I appreciate the gold, but I can't accept gifts from anyone I've officially rebuked so...


EDIT: I was being a dick.  Not cool.


agreed.  All fat people look the same to me.  same as all those white people.


Doesn't matter, front page.


I found this oddly beautiful.


Also, Harry Potter is rubbish. Am I the only one who thinks that?


> I worked at a beverage plant years ago that made Arizona Iced Tea...

Oh god no... that is my favorite!

And then I read the rest of your post and it wasn't as bad as I expected.


all aboard the karma train!!!


There's nothing better than yelling out "my gf likes your tits!" in the middle of a restaurant.


This. *(is my favorite)


I pantomimed that to figure out what you were talking about haha. Good times.


LMAOOOO xD xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD


Oh my god, Karen, You can't just ask people why they're white


don't know why you're getting downvoted man.. she's really hot!


Most legal documents are a series of loopholes held together by a string of words.


I use 'casual' as shorthand for 'simple controls' generally. No need to attempt a verbal crusade. And if you **somehow** manage to miss the auto-directed hay jumps, then it's a category you fit into nicely. You made a few half-decent points there, but they were instantly nulified by that barrage of naivety at the end. Close, but no cigar.


Listen to this guy; he says his question is good.


Oh the hypocrisy of this statement


I agree. I strongly urged "A Globe Full of Poofters" but she'd have none of it.


I HATE this attitude. Every year we have pride of Britain awards and I keep my opinion. This guy is NOT a Hero. This guy is a citizen doing his civic duty. Those who stand up to Pedophiles shouldn't be rewarded, those who DONT stand up to Pedophiles should be punished. I know Im going to get downvotes for this, but Im trying to change the definition of hero!


I don't care how badass a person thinks they are.  If a little girl pours you an imaginary cup of tea, you drink it, with your pinky in the air, dammit.


I used to be logical, but then i took an arrow to the knee!


His Ti83 was in rads mode.


Haha woah! Now I'm the whiny bitch who puts my partner through hell. Yes make your assumptions friend. I gave my opinion on OP  , if you don't agree.....


Jokes on you, his ex's name is $%4jfd43#5j4%^.


They are saying if you are running a pirated version now you will be able to upgrade to a legitimate version of 10. RTFA.


Me Chinese! Me play joke! Me put pee-pee in your coke!


I kind of value my testicles over my life.


I should clean or shave it more frequently, the moss is just gross.


Achievement Unlocked: Starting a Sibling Rivalry

Achievement Unlocked: Third Time's a Charm

Achievement Unlocked: Dude, it's called birth control, look it up.


that's if an IED doesn't get him. Soldiers who waste ammo deserve death.


Let scruffy01 shut it.


He ate her out it seems.


So I was walking by the prison the other day when I saw this midget escaping.  As he was lowering himself from the wall he scowled at me.  I thought to myself "Wow, that's a little con descending."