The windows they need sure, all of them? no thats what a cunt does.


When did my wife start using reddit?


No. We need an OP gun in pistolrounds. the opposite would be CS BoooooringStrike edition! Instead of having 15 interesting rounds we would have like ~10 gunrounds and the rest chickenhunting.

Tl;dr: don't be a hltv kid. We need an op pistol.


Solution: always walk in the middle of the street.


How's Liyba issue going for the President? That second debate he lied outright about his speech to the American public. Obama is just as full of crap.


I think as a lady I would find vaginal, oral, anal the hottest.


I was "confronted" and then I made a joke about it being me. Finally deleted it because it was a stupid joke... sounds very amusing doesn't it


You underestimate their spiders then.


Thank you. My rudeness is a result of my own insecurity and I admit to it being a flaw of mine, but I still believe those arguing against me caused it by having much more severe flaws than my insecurity. Still, I'll admit that's a flaw of mine.


Three but don't tell anyone


Dude...just shut the fuck up...


The 'other Stranger' is when you sit on your dick untill it goes numb then pretend like you're jerking off a stranger.


Edited out

I said something that reddit is to big a pussy to handle.


http://gfycat.com/ObedientScalyGonolek
mmmm. Warms my soul.


Sorry, but by the time I got to your comment I had already upvoted a buttsex comment and two "arm around you" comments.  It's nothing personal but all I had left in my basket was downvotes.


"Everyday" means commonplace or mundane. It's an adjective.

"Every day" means... well, every day.

You wouldn't say "We have low prices purple!" because it wouldn't make sense. Similarly, "We have low prices everyday!" does not make sense.


wow, your name is very misleading. nobody cares about the source.


Unsubscribing from /r/atheism is also my reason for creating a reddit account (and i'm atheist) ^^


Their concern is that anti-NYPD rhetoric by DiBlasio's party and allies could lead to injured or dead cops.  Which it did.


Wow, you emasculated her boyfriend so hard that you turned him gay.


preach

I look and train like a bodybuilder but I despise the metrosexual narcissistic attitude of the greater BB community.  I'd rather hang out with you guys on fittit.


jesus christ, what a dickbag.


Cuz giving someone the option of not wasting time and money on thank you cards is blasphemy?


Pies, actually.  The worst pies in London.


A bunch of meatheads morelike... ha ha ha

Those people are so unhealthy. Power lifting is destructive to the ligaments, joints and muscles! Don't do it people!

Low-impact running and yoga are what the human body was designed for.

***SHAMELESS PLUG FOR /r/YOGA!!!!***

Come join us and see what fucking freaks these power lifter/body builder drugs addicts these are!!!


page 197 will literally shock you!


No. im serious. I hope we are friends some day.


See! Look at how friendly and informative this guy is!


I just cant hold all these fucks that I give.


This is just cruel. Men are finally educated enough to find your clitoris and now you go and split the road in two directions. The whole thing is starting to sound like a jab at the male aversion for asking for directions.


So you're saying that in Egypt it is legal for a parent to arrange a "virginity test"  for a 22 year old?

And that this "rapist" is now living with your friend and her husband and the husband knows she is having sex with this guy and allows him to live in his house?


"Because you're shit at golf, son. I couldn't let my friends know I had a son who was shit at golf, could I?"


That's all you strive to do?  I think you just don't *know* what you're missing out on.


I once watched my girlfriend try to eat popcorn and puffed kernels hit every part of her face except the mouth. There's *no way* she's getting near me with a straight razor.


oh stfu, obligatory morally self-righteous guy


They said it about Salt and Vinegar chips and cheez-it's. TBH, they were exactly correct. They were right about the cookie-goldfish as rewards for well behaving students as well, haha!


Your cop friend gave you legal advice? Doubtful. Why did you lie? Saying lawyer friend might have worked.


This is charming and wonderful.


There is no such thing as a soon-to-graduate-med-school doctor. Only soon-to-graduate-med-school med students.

Edit: you mad?


Thank god.. I was feeling inadequate again.

Edit: I really hope my top comment will be not be commenting on a dildo. Sigh


Well aren't you better than OP.


I owe the Reddit community. I will take a pic everyday until it comes out far enough for me to yank it out. Cool?


drop the act sir... it is evident you are making a complete buffoon of yourself


Ouch, right in the daddy issues.


You're vs your.  Nice!

Sorry for having and opinion, never liked that idiotic laugh-track ridden show but this girl has always appealed to me.  My opinion,and I stand by it, is that she is the only good looking one.


Vince Vaugn is showing up an *awful* lot in this thread


Considering he's autistic I'd have to agree.

*Sorry, what I really meant was that wearing a cape is very brave.


Makes you wonder if the reason this has so many upvotes is due to women who share the same view, or fat neckbeards who upvote this to make themselves feel better BRING ON THE DOWNVOTES, I'M TOO BUSY FLEXING TO CARE


I sometimes wonder...will I ever have an original thought browsing this place? I said the exact same thing word for word ready to reel in some karma. 😓


Bring as many briefcases as you need.


FOR REDDITORS WHO NEED IT EXPLAINED: It's funny because every girl is his ideal.


To keep someone out...or IN?


there was almost no bump in the traffic since the new digg you fucking retard, the thread was frontpaged and the admin said it his self, how fucking stupid can you get? stop being such a lazy faggot and read shit you idiot


I hear he wwebsite as on the internet.


Oh shit I thought this post was about his daughter.


dating a girl named Penny doesn't seem to make a lot of cents


No thank you. Leslie Knope is the most annoying character on TV right now.


Or... all these people live in the same house. I smell a sitcom!


She was running from you.


Oddly enough, you do have to say one thing: "I am invoking my right to remain silent." or some variant thereof. It's not enough to simply remain silent. You have to acknowledge the right and that you're taking advantage of it.


Thanks for all the great info! I'll let my girlfriend know! But it'll be hard for us to be teen parents considering we haven't been teenagers for quite some time now..


can you imagine, you lost a camera in fucking iceland and the internet finds it for you. Amazing.


I am sure all Obama supporters know programming, right?


Just imagine how many times your doctor brought this story up at the dinner table when comparing bad days with his dinner guests.


> The best analogy I can come up right now ...

seriously? that's 'the best analogy' you can come up with? don't quit your day job. we had an opening for a junior analogiser. please don't apply. you're fucking hopeless.


*Choke me closer Tiny Weineerrrrrrrr*


Im not arguing that the other areas of the store may be lacking but rather that calling an organization prone to overreaction is not a great idea.


Upgrading servers now! (I'm Nadim)

**Edit** Site is up! Also, thanks so much for all the kind comments!! Really nice of you.

**EditEdit** I am doing an [AMA](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/x9q0a/im_nadim_kobeissi_cryptocat_developer_and/) right now!!


Stop intruding with your facts.  You'll muss up the outrage.


THEY'RE ON THE CEILING


I'm downvoting you because I disagree with you. Looks like I'm not the only one LOL reddit


Hey, "Zack" here. Just wanted to say that my dick is bigger than OP's.


what's so great about it? the dummy fall isn't distracting anybody when there is 3+ seconds between it and the actual kick. might as well run into the box without looking stupid.


That's up there. I can't believe that happened.


ERMAHGERD, VERCE ERN MER HERD CHERNGED ERMERDERERTELY


i'm big fan of power balance bracelets.

it's an easy way to gauge a person's intelligence at a glance.


He took a physics class once and then unlocked the secrets of space time and the universe in general. Think we need a xpost to /r/iamverysmart


VEGETA! What does the scouter say about his virginity?


Lololol cause he's gay.


Did you just reply to yourself?


Don't worry, I'm sure I will.  There's plenty of conservative women out there.


I was sent for a free-standing ladder. When I came back with a step ladder my boss told me not to be such a smart-ass.


That was a joke? Holy shit that is even worse


that made me get kind of emotional... thank you assblaster.


Except absolutely no one understands, or wants to understand, your joke.


Man, that kid's life was fucked long before you met him.


I didn't know it was shopped I swear . He did die and I did find this photo in a bunch of other photos I found while going through his things. I scanned this and posted what I knew about the picture.


Uh, hello? "Luxury _____". I'm set for life.


"you've been so transparent" is this sarcasm


Agreed. That would just save me a good deal of re-assembly and eating of the less-desired cookies.


No, it's NOT okay.  They have their OWN SUBREDDIT FOR THIS BULLSHIT!

If you want to brag about how much of your life you wasted, THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF /R/MINECRAFT!

I don't want this shit on my /r/gaming!  FUCK


IMSORRYWHATABOUTTHATLASTPART?


If you go by the idea of original that it's something I thought of myself then this is original,I haven't copied anyone and i have since been told someone done it a couple of hours before me ...BITCH


&#3232;\_&#3232;

Sir, the man invoked no homo


The subjectivity of humour only extends so far. XKCD, like Larry the Cable Guy, is not funny and is worthy of all the contempt I have for it.


cash it out, hide it, buy a ugly cheap painting and if she asks where the money went. say you bought the painting for it. no receipt. she might claim half of it.


Better question: what moron would ever spend $140 on a pen?


The Americans gave them a bunch for free.


> and kicked ass in, Iraq for several years.

Oh yea, they kicked ass alright.


Thank you! I'm not really a knowledgeable tech person, but everyone tells me that the internet is the #1 deliverer of information.


it's offensive when non-asians call asians by "azn", it's just like how blacks can call each other "nigga" but if a white boy calls a black man a "nigga" the whole room will get silent. Doesn't everyone know about this? I hope the new moderators take care of this before it escalates...


Sorry, but that's our word.

Sorry...


/r/MensRights, the preferred hangout for ForeverAlone.


I dont have a video but I do have [An image of him trying to eat a grape head-on](http://i.imgur.com/We88t.jpg). Will that suffice?


Get butthurt white knight faggot


This is really the best answer.  To be somewhat chivalrous and not a dick, it would be best to answer in a slightly humble manner.  But hell yea, tell the truth.


Seeing how the children were in fact Niggers, I bet big mama wanted to get some free daycare!

I'm surprised this article is even on Reddit, black crime is rarely reported.


She was looking for something in a low cabinet, and I bent over to help find it. I stood up quickly and got stuck. She said she didn't feel any pain, I still don't know how.

Edit: For the people who think I kill sharks, I don't. All catch and release.


To me, WTF is for things that make you say What The Fuck. When I saw this I said WTF. If you are expecting a torso being dragged by a horse go to Spacedicks.


Reddit: the best argument against direct democracy


Strange. They seem to think that they're the ones with a working brain.

What makes you different than them?


Actually it has. But remember not to take the act too far... Mime Condoms are terrible.


>~~finish~~ Finger him!

FTFY

Credit goes to the creepy guy in the trench coat i went to highschool with.


My dad told me once; "Son, if a girl is giving you a blowjob and diddling herself with the other hand, if she switches hands you might just get herpes."

I think it was his way of telling me he got the herps from a blowjob.


of ur mom? i do LOLOLADOASDL:ASJ:ALSDAS:LAS feel free to upvote me


Mine would talk to the voice mail like it was a person. "Can you please tell __gnasty__ that his gramma called and ask him to call her back? Thank you have a good day. "


Call her "cum guzzling, gutter skank, dumpster whore." But you shouldn't give it a name.

It might start believing it's really a person.


Man I was so nervous, I really thought the guy was getting further away that the guy filming wouldn't be able to catch up and just pull his own parachute.....on a side note I wonder if the guy having a seizure would have had enough time to recover before the fall ended.


They should suspend your account for abusing the report feature.

You're more annoying than the person botting.


Maine: The more north you go, the more south it feels.  Strange State, nice people.


I'm all for making money off of making content, but you seriously cannot believe that. Saying that streaming or making videos is as time consuming as a real job is insulting to people who actually work.


Guys sometimes get retarded around girls. It's just what we do.


Just fucking speak to him. Get this garbage off trees.


He's already pro at Starcraft.


I like to think that every time I delete a crate it's a tiny indication to Valve of how little value I think they have.  They seem to be a data driven organisation so I'd encourage everyone to vote often! :)


you know you're old when the response to one of your friends being pregnant is "congrats" instead of "damn, that sucks dude"


You can't be serious. I'm not any kind of savant but I can spell words, and since I can spell words, I can spell words backwards.


Americans are overly dramatic about everything.


I feel this comment hasn't received the amount of upvotes it deserves.


I'd like to be able to turn karma off.


    Hooker_With_A_Penis

thats a funny name but dat shit is dap! real deal happened to me, but i fuckin knew when her ass wasnt clean cuz girls always be clean between the cheeks i got out of ther wi ta sicknes! lol funny story tho!


It boggles my mind how [this potentially deadly mushroom](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gyromitra_esculenta) was found to be safe to eat if it's parboiled a couple of times first. You'd think after the first adverse reactions people would be all "fuck it" and leave those in the forest.


is that including brazil under23s though? even if you can justify that makes it a lot less impressive, and if we extended that to 20 games would it still be 6 goals? I know one was against germany

sorry to bust your balls but stats and I still think messi is the best in the world can be such bullshit sometimes


What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner? A Harley has the dirt bag on top.


You're not famous. So you haven't made it.


I upvoted it because rape victims can be privileged in that manner. If your only worry of the day is being reminded of something traumatic from the past then I have news for you: A lot of people actually experience something traumatic every day. Take your indignation elsewhere.


You have to understand the purpose of her character.  The Twilight series is an escapist fantasy and she serves as a placeholder for the viewer.  This allows the viewer to project their own thoughts and emotions onto her and makes the film more immersive.  She is like the guy's penis seen in POV porn.


Your words are as empty as your head.


Wait, he also stole your pants?


White trash bullshit. Sounds like a pack of Bonobos.


Your game is getting cold - here let me get you a *blanket*

I'm gonna win this nuclear war, that's a fact you can bank it.

Your binding energy per nucleon might be greater than mine

But your rapping and enrichment are both on the decline.


Awww how cute. You're so concerned about your reddit poins you make extra accounts to vote yourself 3 seconds after you post


Haha, looks like it did


Vet bills are the worst.


seriously? _this_ makes you rage? maybe you should like, talk to someone. Like, a professional. That can write prescriptions.


I've decided not to go that route. Just gonna move on, live and learn.


If you're riding dirty, try not to draw attention to yourself.


ohh you got me. hahaha. so much hate. better temper that before it poisons you further. good luck, and I sincerely mean that.


Maybe that's how she knows to put them on: Yellow in the front, brown in the back.


LBJ hasn't earned the right to bitch until he gets a ring. He knows his status in this league regardless of what his stats look like.


Well when one of you crashes two plane into each other cause their heroin addicted daughter died in her sleep, YEAH, of course we're gonna notice.


I don't understand the appeal of insanity wolf. I thought these things were supposed to be funny but this meme just seems to be how ridiculous can it be. Do people really find these funny?

edit: downvoted for asking an honest question? you're all a bunch of children


Is it just me here, or did Maroon 5 always suck?


I used to take too long, and sort of rush it, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Roses are 680nm
Violets are 450nm

***Physicist master race***


I'm just here to make guys/girls happy, it was an idea -.- Idc if its possible or not


...I swear you must have started this thread for this specific joke. Golden.


Highest paid non QB WITH a ring? Go Revis.


I had a former friend who did the same thing with a 7-11 Big Gulp.

I kicked him out of the car on the spot, and the homeless guy he nailed beat the shit out of him.

I figured one good dick move deserved another.


Would you rather eat dinner with a culinary elitist who's an asshole, or a very nice person who serves you store bought gno...let's call them what they are, potato turds, and blanched pesto in cream with a side of butter seasoned with a little overcooked asparagus?


If I could give you more upvotes, I would.


To be fair, she sure did prove her point seeing as she didn't let go.


Which is why I said Brady, Brees, Eli and Peyton.

EDIT: Wait, what did I say? All I said was I mentioned Brady, Brees, Eli and Peyton retiring so obviously rodgers is #1?

Why all the shit ton of downvotes, holy crap.


> Our dad named our Bullmastiff Dracula and to this day I still have no fucking idea why.

- Pasalacqua87

http://i.imgur.com/P54yogW.gifv


You are free to say and write what you please and you are also free to accept the consequences of that speech. Not condoning murder but it doesn't imply that you can say whatever you want and be free of persecution.

This quote is a prime example of knowing what the consequences could be but having titanium balls.


There is nothing better than employees who try to save customers money.    Having worked in customer service, I have no idea what in the hell compels you to do it, but I thank and commend you.


you can see more here or even post http://videoadultdump.com or

http://www.winkit.info


Masturbation is God's way of making sure teenagers shower.


You are crazy then. This isn't facebook where you tag your friends username to photos. This user did not consent to his photo being associated with his reddit account.

Help me message the mods so this post gets taken down. it violates the users privacy. He never consented to uploading his photo to his comment history.


Then you woke up only to realize that you had passed out in an alley, and a homeless man was softly singing Bohemian Rhapsody into your ear.


Yeah everyone calls the Khajiit cat so I don't really see the difference and technically they are both over grown intelligent lizards and cats. Everyone calls the Nords, Redguards,Bretons,and Imperials humans does that gmake them racist no. So I pretty much see much of a difference


Sure.

*Removes Steam shortcut from desktop.*


groping a persons leg isnt a invancy of private space


Children's skulls aren't as thick as grown adults, what you were feeling was his brain


It was a stab at the tired "in my country games cost different that in your country", but yeah, I totally agree.


Zero respect for the husband, piles of respect for the husband's brother.


Lol. U r a lucky bastard.


Good guy gay greg, turned down by straight guy. Gets him laid by a girl.


Can I take the downvote train all the way to Australia?


None of that is possible when your diet is in check. Facial bloating has nothing to do with fat, thats absurd. Its water retention, which can easily avoided with a proper diet. Same with fat gain. Regardess of medication, it is impossible to gain fat without over eating.


you liked going to IKEA too??


I used to think that that's a relief, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


You need to talk to your daughter about being a jerk if you haven't already. It won't necessarily change her attitude, but at least she'll be self-conscious about it.


MML (made me laugh) - Cocoabeans


I tried posting a question there once, but they immediately banned me for using a computer.


Beat me to it by 25 minutes. Have an upvote.

EDIT: Apparently this is more detrimental to conversation that so much else that is posted on this site. Whelp, bring on the downvotes then, I suppose.


I'd DVR the shit out of that show.


Who cares about achievements? They're meaningless. Enjoy the game.


Understand that even with a contraceptive, you can still have a baby.


It's a joke, limp dick.

Edit: Downromneys, really?!?


Years of academy training WASTED!


Fuck that, football isn't bigger than life. You bet your fucking ass they should be compelled to respect that moment.


Well, MAYBE if someone had TOLERATED their lactose they would be six feet tall now.  Did you think of THAT?


So, if you reply to this post, you get negative karma? I shall test the theory gentlemen, I don't have much karma to spare, but someone needs to make the sacrifice.


A classhole, if you will.


Stupid people and religion are almost synonymous nowadays.


>Think about their ~~drugged~~ conversations. "AAARreeeouuuuuuuuuuaaaah." "Uh Uhhhhhha Uhhhhhhh!" (points at shoulder)

FTFY


I've never shared a Roo. I keep them to myself.


I really would love to. Hopefully it'll happen soon.


Made up analysis.  Thanks!


The laundry jokes, the bragging about parties I went to, and all of the dying ones happened to me. I did have some posters in my room but they were generic sports posters and shit like that. I also made at least a few friends eating at the dining hall by myself, but I don't like admitting that.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtgS7vSSIJQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkFrW2Z6uYk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7YH7usafZY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NybHm-3mxY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fkEY5Aw5os

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANBjsC6aJXU

You're wrong.


Not too good. I usually cry a little and then play league of legends. A glass of good wine helps.


Tag it "Fuck PewDiePie right in his stupid ass"?

lol at Pew fans downvoting. I guess there are a lot of people on this sub with the sense of humor of a 12 year old.


Was your son by any chance doing this project before 1959?


I am the top mod, and she is breaking the rules of our subreddit. In each case I have laid out the problems and rule violations. She is not happy about these.

Indeed many on the sub do not like the rules, but the counts by the mods indicate just as many want *stricter* enforcement of them.


In your country plumbers jump into pipes?


I was gonna say that!


Yes and yes.

Had CLERKS not worked, I'd have continued working in convenience stores. I like being around junk food, obviously.


Wow, so much ageism ITT, I would think people would have more respect for the elderly.


You dropped this

—ment


no thats even worse because then I have to guess wtf your going to be doing. At least with Terr I know you are going to a) bio ball or b) Tank/rine then to thor.

Screw you and your random. Just stop being so good at the game or play exclusively in Korean servers. YA..... I went there


Starring, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.


Retired? Why don't you just finish the job and hang yourself? You are a piece of shit, wasting life anyway.


"How do you *read* this? There's no pictures!"


He could have looked at both u idiot


Your current girlfriend has a DoTA 2 tournament to attend and the girl who's crushing on you is a pen-and-paper gamer?

Where the fuck are you finding these girls so easily?


So, how exactly is that "unfair and inaccurate"?


The first great bro-em I've ever read. Well done.


What on earth has the BNP got to do with the Nazis? Why do the far left resort to swearing when they are losing the argument?


If you feign confidence enough, one day you will examine yourself and realize that you actually aren't faking it anymore and you'll have no idea when the transition occurred.


as a douchebag, that's not air force one


I love you.

Wait, play it cool nightwing...

So...You like smash huh


If you have that much bait it isn't really a *false* sense of security anymore. 3bait5me


You won't have that problem with me! Because small penis.


You're a stupid bitch


ME: I'm done.
Her: Who are you?


That's what the overhand-media want you to think.


"Don't worry, they'll come back."


Luckily I'm too late for anyone to bother downvo[ting me.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZl4lEPKArc&feature=related)


The hardest 2 hours of your life.


Wow, NotaMethAddict commented on my post? I feel so honored! (I just wish it was on one of my better, funnier, and non-repost submissions. :/ )


If he is in Adelaide, Australia you and your bf can stay at my place, we have a spare room.


LOL OP MY GWANPA IS STILL ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMMYY WEN CAN I GO PWAY WIT GWANPA?????????? GAGA GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


You're making me uncomfortable.


uhhh see the thing is its the first form of hyper realism. amazing huh.


Live by the boner, die by the boner.


They do, my looks are the only reason I'm foreveralone


oompa, loompa, it's hard to pee


The fuck? He probably just went there for a holiday you idiot.


and your friendships.


Not if you do it right.


Duh, it's the iPope.  No one uses regular popes anymore.


B'aww, that's so cute!


I'm sitting roughly 9,500~ miles to your left in Australia, we should meet up.


I'm still allowed think he's not funny. That's my opinion, and I'm entitled to it. I watched what I could, but it was painful.

And those of us who work in the entertainment industry call it a gig whether it's full-time or a one time deal.


I was gonna say. OP's story is downright creepy and borderline sexual harassment. Poor girl was probably so embarrassed that she just froze up completely and OP's friend interpreted that as passive assent.


He's a grown fucking man for fuck sake, He took a slight push and done his shoulder. If he didn't jump across arnautovic for no reason he probably wouldn't have been in that situation.


If I saw his dick on the street, I'd nod my head and call it "sir."


She better get the fuck out before she's the last one to know he's been cheating on her the whole time.


I'm a father, just want to put that out there. If I were in your shoes, I would have BELLOWED at the child, "HOW DARE YOU CRAWL INTO A PRIVATE SPACE WHILE SOMEONE IS DEFECATING!" Never again would that child army crawl under a stall door.

EDIT: My top rated comment finally isn't about Steve Buscemi having an awkward hypothetical sex tape!


I wish more black people were just open with the word nigger as just, another word. It's a funny word, but I can't say it because my ancestors were fucking idiots.


1. You're a dumb nigger.

2. Due to your stupidity, there is a high chance that you will blow yourself up somehow.

As you can see, the word niggersplosion would be perfect for describing such a scenario.


It makes pooping easier, cause real gangsta ass niggas don't pull their pants down for shit.


two totally different situations

...looks like Jose M. and Roman A. are using their 39023 reddit accounts again [choo choo](https://i.imgur.com/LcFKwiZ.gif)


The most subtle part is that he means kilograms


You're also going to go take some proper English lessons to raise your literacy skills above that of a three year old.


I kinda love your fathers response


I upvoted, but then felt so ashamed that I downvoted.


That's the scariest thing on this thread.


Source? I don't think it's space invaders


"So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahhHHH! ahhHHHH! I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize 'Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?'

"... And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius. "


Of course because you don't see it as funny...no body will


You could really commit to it to. Test the emergency stop gas switch. The locks and emergency exit. Go in the back and check the freezer temps ETC.


Fuck you and your censorship. This is about a tragedy. Just because it happened in a Bible camp, doesn't mean that the article itself is anti skythiest.

If you can't handle trolls, gtfo.


Some of us have no shame man.

My sister was dating the older brother of two girls I was going to school with. It was completely normal for them to walk around in just a bra and panties/short shorts.

I thought it was weird at first, and then realized I spend half my time at home in boxers. No biggie.


This is a truly amazing comment, you insightful pillar of uniqueness! TO THE TOP!


My parents were bowling pins, you jerk.


The faggot is strong with this one


> Jenny and Zach banged it out in the same hotel room as Carly and X, possibly a couple feet away?

Carly was only able to make it through the whole ordeal because X held her hand, in a non-romantic way.


How did he do in England last season?


"I managed to sit through The Vow. AMA"


Cracked me up ! Upvote


The youngest wife is 22. The firstborn is 35.


She's not real? Mother of god.


i call bullshit, that show doesn't have 40 fans.


Must be nice to have money


Women don't have 10+ years of experience like most guys do.

Edit: I am amazed by the amount of women who say they have 10+ years of experience at hand jobs.


*he's gone with the Lol Paying So Much Money 4 What Tastes Like Trash Also Energy Drinks Are A Hoax Wake Up Sheep[le] 'jerk! subtle, wouldn't you say?*

*in its own special teeth-kicked-in kind of way. it's a brave move indeed, cotton; let's see how it'll play out.*


0? How could we tell?

Edit: /s


People who get their knickers in a twist over cursing or name calling regardless of the validity of the statement in question are, in fact, idiots.

I am dismissive because you have absolutely no knowledge about the subject in question beyond a vague politically correct discomfort over not taking women's feelings on the matter into question when in truth it does not matter.


told my beautiful SO who looks like Zooey Dechanel I had a bad day so she showed up with 10 pounds of junk food, combed my neckbeard and tipped my fedora for me.


Seriously, basing a business on illegal shit and then getting all asshurt when it blows up in his face.

I fucking hate you people.


I don't know but I still enjoyed reading it.


If you're North American. Stop thinking your cultural norms are the only right way for the whole world. There is something quite relaxing about public nude baths which are common in many areas.


Iceland.

Edit: Thank You for popping my gold cherry, kind stranger.


GTFO, Buzz Killington.


and it turns out my keys were in my purse the whole time


My friends and I often say odd phrases like "calm your tits." Glad to see we aren't the only ones.


1. Profit
2. Profit
3. Profit


Says a 10 month old redditor.


It's pretty easy to tell when a patient is faking it. We get children in all the time who just want glasses but don't actually need them. We just pretend to move to a stronger Rx on the phoropter while actually staying plano and they can magically see clearly.


Wow, way to go. Jerk.


At least they wrote him off in one of losts best episodes,  and one of the most quoted moments from the shows history.


You're looking too far into it, tubs, I'm just trying to get a rise out of the people who browse this subreddit and upvote le meme garbage like this comic.


Well, seeing as how OP should break up with her anyway, this may be a very good way to deliberately do it.


nOw EERRYbOdY in ThUh kLuB geTTin TiPSY

*eEeryy bodY iN tHAh KlUb gEtInG tIPsy*


Named after the way we found it: surfing the Internet.


I just click the thing 'till my shit gets posted.


Thanks. That moment felt pretty good.  FWIW, you don't seem douchy at all.


Ghgdloyfczsefbjiudvbhktdgg


Neither did the girl in the seat in front of him..


No you haven't you've been a redditor for only 11  months.


Bam Margera?

Sounds like he fucked your girlfriend.


"The Tau Cross With Intersecting Hermaphroditic Ankh" (+1 to those who get the reference)


I used to get boners just from holding hands or sitting too close to a girl


As a believer in freedom for all people, I find your treatment of palestinian people absolutely disgusting. Go fuck yourself.


"First time on gonewild. Will post more if there's interest"


How about those employees stop smoking weed if they want to keep their job?  Like they agreed to in the contract they signed when they were hired?  They aren't fucking entitled to do so, that's for sure.


If you have more than 2000 hours you are a casual? ^(Filthy math casual.)


I used to care about what others thought, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Because it is much easier to recruit from a group that is ostracized and persecuted than a group that feels welcome and loved, when you are recruiting for fundamentalist Islam.


A shitty, cheap, spring break location filled with douchebags, drunks and sluts.


Thank you. And likewise for having said so.  *Much appreciated.*


Not as disrespectful as that fucking rubbish ending. (EMOTICON!)


I watched a rugrats episode the other day. Angelica's parents are going away and they tell her they need "time alone, to ... Buy presents" for her


They look fine to me. How is this wtf by the way? Is it wrong for a person to look good now? Some people are into thinner women.

Frankly I hate how our culture is embracing fatness with the "love what's on the inside" bullshit. You're not beautiful. You're fucking fat. I'd appreciate it if more women looked like the one in this picture.


Dunno if you wanted to switch accounts for this or if you meant to compliment yourself. Either way, hilarious as fuck.


They're priests, they tend not to make such jokes.


Well, let's make this a bit more precise, so it's technically correct: In the Vatican, there is a pope density of 5.9 per square mile.


...i hate all of you for stealing my comments before i type them, this happens entirely too often...

**Edit:** Uh...idk if you guys thought i was serious, but i was kidding. Holy crap i don't think I've ever seen so many downvotes on one of my comments before O_o


Only when they sit together in the school cafeteria.  They get extra portions too.


A parent, who is worried about the well being of their child, is never overreacting. It is our job as a parent to protect our children. Never make a parent feel bad about protecting their child. That is disgusting.


Pro-tip: You're allowed to give possible solutions if she asks, or, say, the next day, just drop a little, "Hey, I was thinking abot your problem and..." Then you show you care and don't seem dismissive about her need to vent!


This is a very bad idea, you may say think that your CPU is fine, but no matter how you look at it, this is an upgrade for you. Why wouldn't you replace your current CPU with this new one, and give your current CPU to your friend?


I heard about that guy! We all thought he was just a legend...


Congratulations you saw a typo dickhead.


Credit lenders specifically prey on college-age students with no concept of debt or how to repay it.  Yeah, they basically do it on purpose.


He had AIDS? Holy shit, I didn't know he was a fag.


This is really all that needs to be said.  It's like the teacher sat around thinking of a way that they could make marginalized and insecure teenagers feel even more marginalized and insecure.


> Is this the gif of the 4chan thread where someone was challenged to knock the trash can over?

FTFY


Wouldn't that be something!


No, it is not art.  It is a cinder block that was worn down.  That isn't art.  Art is intentional.  This isn't.  Hipsters make me sick to my fucking stomach.


Hit it before puberty does.


like how sc2 came out of nowhere and dt rushed bw to death


Lewis and Clark, best wingmen ever


I was thinking the exact same thing. Let us lick up the tasty tears of the war-ending, drug-legalizing retards! You fail, hippies!

Now if you'll excuse me, I must go sign up for the Marines. We are going to have a lot more wars to fight now.


I will sample this cask strength and, no doubt, add it to my list. I do so enjoy the normal Laphroaig, especially getting my Dad to pronounce it after a couple of snorts. He's a lot of fun with Cabernet Sauvingon as well.


Oh this fucking tired argument again.


Sometimes it's better to get shot by your kidnappers than be late for supper.


Do you pay taxes? Probably not much and you expect free stuff.

That's fucked up, brah.


My friends brother STILL does. It's really awkward.


AHAHA!

You're old!


Your friend must've skipped 2008


oh boy, here comes the shitting-on-women bregade. your comment sounds like something a 16-17 year old boy would say


Did the car have $6500 in cash located somewhere in the vehicle when it was sold?


Hey, guys, why don't we belittle people with disabilities while pulling tired jokes, all at the same time!


Rent-to-own anything really. I've seen rent-to-own TV's, laptops, iPads, etc...


Its the conductor fault lol


Mildly? The dude gambled his life on "can a bear break through the glass" experiment.


You think this is real, lol. They didn't have the tools to make a flute back then.


Am I so out of touch?

No. No. It's the children who are wrong.


how bout he's lucky? Guy chucks so much one is bound to go in.


But do you have any math books signed by the Mars Curiosity team...?


What she just said...


This is how most people have children.


Do you have to think before you type, or are you fluent in bullshit?


/r/fuckyou /r/theydidthemath


I'm surprised he got voted down to be very honest. Usually anything anti-jew turns into a fucking circle jerk on reddit.


Then it turns out they were actually referring to a different actor with the same name, but younger and sexier.


That just reminded me of my bed...


Be sure to give Al Qaeda a lot of weapons to help them fight ISIS.


What need do you feel to not-contribute by repeating something you've read? This doesn't help, doesn't contribute... It's just some strange compulsion redditors feel to parrot approved phrases for group approval. It's goddamn pathetic.


Thinking back now, why didn't I do anything? I just put up with it.

EDIT: Of course I told my parents and teachers but I would have rather stood up for myself even if it meant I also got in trouble.


Fortunately, history is not a liberal's wet dream. Homosexuals will never have the same rights as normal, healthy people.


With freshly shaved legs, too.


Forgot I was in the land of degenerates. Good day sir.


Oh ho ho, look who's dining with the nobility.

Free Wendy's ketchup packets squirted right into my palm. If I have company I'll mix in a handful of uncooked rice. You might feel like your teeth are about to break, but by God, you'll feel like a man.


Ovie does it a lot though. You can't deny that.


My girlfriend and I call it ski-ball too. You only win a baby if you're really unlucky.


> How the fuck does that even make sense? How can anyone even think of that being a reason for anything?

They were vulnerable kids who were scared of what might happen if a ton of gamers showed up in their chat, they were trying to enjoy themselves and their community together in a safe place.  They were scared.


You shouldn't exchange fluids with lemons. You could get lemon AIDS.


!SREKCUFREHTOM ,OOHC OOHC

?ylsuoires ,setovnwod :tidE

.siht gniteled ton m'I ,syug uoy kcuF :2# tidE


CRAB PEOPLE CRAB PEOPLE


Wow. Lame. Karmawhoring about maiming your son? Hey guys wanna hear how shitty of a person I am? What do you want? I guess next you'll be trimming your newborn daughters bangs with a chainsaw. Hell, I'll cave on that one and give you an upvote if you post video.


Putin being the crazy bastard that he is, just announce to everyone in English (with a poorly imitated Russian accent), "Today nobody understands Russian.  If you speak to me in Russian, I will ignore you.  English only."


Your comments, and the upvotes it's gotten, only affirm that you and your supporters are morons. Kindly go fuck yourself.

Edit: I forgot to tell the downvoters to go fuck themselves as well - my bad.  *Ahem*, go fuck yourself, you bleating crowd of pseudo-intellectuals.

Edit #2:  Good to see the turnout.  For all you newly arrived downvoters, get in line and go fuck yourself too.


*African American* coral.


NO WAY! IT'S NOT LIKE THAT WAS OBVIOUS, OR ANYTHING.


Flaw: Redditors going outside


le xd so original and witty when will this stupid fucking circlejerk comment fucking die.

its the equivilent to "DAE WARD? UPVOTES TO THE LEFT"


She wanted to harvest the healthiest possible kidney.


What the fuck is this gay shit? **GOOD TO KNOW FAGGOT**


This joke has something for everybody


Nope, I'm actually 23 and I make money betting on futures.


Ah...the classic Reverse Woody. Just in time for Valentine's too.


Personal attacks prove nothing.

You're paying big bucks for "art" nobody will see. Most of it being shit stencils. It doesn't make you cool, just a tool. Take the money and go skydiving. At least you'll have a story people will give a fuck about.


Somehow, that just makes it funnier. I laugh at your pain.


Karma whoring your own post, good job.


yeah june.  Jesus.  Okay really bye now.


Excuse me, GIRLIE?  What part of posters are girlie? I also doubt that many girls have porn star posters...


A quote from the movie!


ONE COMMENT and it says what I was gonna say. Good Job!


"I think we need more orphans" ~BeneathTheWaves, 2012


I doubt you will play any games against smurfs if you're silver..


Looks like that pizza was...

*puts on sunglasses*

Hand-tossed...

YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!


Hell yeah!  Let's make cats go extinct! That way no future generations can experience the love we have!


Well if a tire turns 400 times in a mile...


Nope, not funny at all. If you find it amusing, you have no empathy for the plight of transgender people and the way they are used as the butt of jokes. It's degrading and perpetuates a culture of violence against them. A lack of empathy is a trait of a sociopath. You really should question why you find it funny, and why you are unable to be empathetic.


It's cool your boss realized it's ok to let efficient and productive workers "slack". Often having the freedom to laugh at a joke or chat with co-workers and not "look busy" makes for a much more productive workplace.


Don't worry, I won't follow in your foot steps.


Not to diminish acetylsalicylicacid's bit, but here's [a cane much cleaner](http://i.imgur.com/CnEwL.jpg) - with a curved end as in the cartoon :)


Virgins are clingy no thanks. They dont know how to act. Any woman who's a virgin past 20 has issues. An example you may understand: Just because I don't want to be with an alcoholic doesnt mean I want someone who's never had alcohol.


Yeah, that would kind of ruin the homosexuality.


And you sound stupid.  Happens you're wrong about my size as well, but I guess you can't really expect any more out of your micro-brain (which at least makes your micro-penis look bigger to you).


F/18/USA

Here's a [pic](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c6/USMC_FA-18_Hornet.JPEG) for you boys ;)


Yeah... well... you're a jerk!


I'm from Texas, when I travel I usually tell people I'm from Canada so I can avoid the Texas stereotype.  It's really not funny asking me where my horse is and if I have a gun on me.

Because my gun is at home with my horse, jackass.


oh that is genius sherlock he'll end up in the hospital with THAT genius idea


Worst pickup line ever.


Please read the book before criticizing.  Nowhere is giving something to someone voluntarily condemned.


This still makes me laugh my ass off.

edit: reference to: http://imgur.com/EbQl08b


Lol calling overweight people hamplanets makes me feel better about myself as well. Upvoted!


Shoulda used a condom.


You keep making up things like 'steals' and 'duels', I'll just watch them to see how they're participating thanks.


I havent heard that yet.


if I cared about karma, I would have deleted some of these posts. As you can see, I didn't, so keep downvoting.


And you just DID IT AGAIN!


**WRONG!**  Brian becomes ATHEIST douchebag.  Oh wait.  Atheist, Liberal... same diff.  In either case the show is the lowest form of potty mouthed smut I've ever watched.  I hope it gets banned, and the creator gets arrested banging little boys in the ass (which you know hes doing).


Ah, the old "Alzheimer Dick Inside Her"


I wish we could just sleep with anyone without being tied down to 1 woman.


Alright. Depending on who you are...you will be disappointed or relieved. It turns out this is a bear paw. I live in upstate NY, and the officer I showed it to said that they look identical! And just this past summer she was the lead on an investigation of a foot that showed up at a land fill. She said that you can "bearly" tell the difference. :)


> I thought it said "M16"

...

> Well, I don't know how to navigate twitter.

Illiterate *and* can't use the web. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a twofer!


Hang in there, buddy.


I think you're my favorite redditor.


Careful. We got a badass over here.


What did I say there that was false?


Today you, tomorrow me.


Dafuq, this is a post I made a few month ago and I only got 10 upvotes. Plus this is the second time something like this has happened to me today. WHERE ARE MY IMAGINARY INTERNET POINTS!!!.


Jazzed in their pants.


this is not where the original picture is lifted from, however, and suggesting otherwise is disingenuous


Don't knock it until you try it


I hope we get new consoles in 2018.


Seriously, fuck Jenni


it's fun you uptight nerd.  get drunk as hell and try it sometime


Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son's body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.


Maybe she should have played "don't get hit by a fucking car" instead.


Then, in one swift motion, grab the wig and jam it into your mouth.

Begin chewing.


this x 10^10 (only smart people will know the number)

edit: Everypony downvoting me obvoiusly dont get the math joke.

edit2: I am at the top of my math class, so I wouldn;t be questioning it if I were you, Ironic isn't it that I am good and you are bad yet *you* downboat me.


It's rated for "However much it takes to kill that damn spider"


Pretty weird looking.

Never mind, downvotes have spoken. It must be very normal to have a face full of freckles now.


Technically, they were still UFOs


i know right, at least Ray puts effort into his videos.


We never did retakes. Sometimes we did 2 or 3 hoedowns because the producer is a sick bastard.


Why are there no comments on the top post!?


Three changes would make this fun to watch.

1.  No broomsticks
2. The bludger is a 10 lb medicine ball.
3.  The snitch is a squirrel thats been rolling around in cocaine for 15 minutes before the match.


Agree, /r/funny is all reposts and claiming stuff


The fact that you started with * and ended with " makes me very uncomfortable.


Dude. Like, last night, I couldn't sleep because of your dumb comment lol.


If they did the whole movie with Bill Pullman except for one random scene with Bill Paxton. Gold.


Yeah! Women aren't allowed to talk about their sex lives without us men interjecting a disgusting response about how they make our dicks feel! Thanks for keeping it real broseph!

You fucking dumbass.


This is how school shootings are born.


I thought you were trolling us with your original post... so you edited it? I think you need to read the submission guidelines of this subreddit (-: As a Reddit Gold User I have some power to moderate and I highly recommend that next time you post, you follow reddiquette (-:


Also, it would be literally all over the news by now if it was actually a nuclear blast.


I used to listen to music, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Out of all the stupid shit parents do in this thread, this makes the least amount of sense to me.


When I look at that photo, I think:

"Hey murderer! How does it feel to have your exterior finally match your ugly interior? I hope killing those women and children were worth it you fucking piece of shit. I hope you burn in hell like you burned in real life, only ten times worse."


anderson cooper is gay so he already has hiv so he aint scared of blood


Probably a bit further than the fetus did.


A healthy balance to ACCESS the goods


Got your falcon on the ship and she choosay


And he has the fans because he is asian


Can... Can we be friends??


Right. Someone poor allowed to die and it's BS. It doesn't matter.


I don't believe it's real because this is reddit.


Le U mad too? Le u are! Bwahahaha, I never knew it was this easy to piss off people in r/gaming. The number truly speaks for itself.


We abide by a set of planetary protection guidelines that you can read more about [here](http://planetaryprotection.nasa.gov/about).


You need to chill, man.


DEFCON 1: Shit Storm Incoming.


And when South Africa stopped that it became a shitty country, like any other infested with the sub-human savage niggers.


Hey dude I wanna try that one maneuver, not sure if I'm pronouncing it right, "kill us all?"


Best comment of March 2012? 2012?

EDIT: Santorum 2012


You're a good person who made a mistake. Chin up bud. You're living on a planet full of fuck ups :)


First, learn everything you can about the art. Second, learn everything you can about being on stage - performing. And then work hard to find you own voice - your own unique point of view. Do lots of shows. And finally - most importantly - don't give up.


So, he's like the American version of the Nazi who tried to rape the female in Inglorious Basterds? (minus the rape)


DAE think atheists are better than ISIS members?


Came here to say this...have an upvote!


> Like basketball, Chris R playing basketball in the corner instead of in the alley.

The corner!? Not the alley!? This fucking changes everything.


I said nothing of that sort. I asked why those particular people were fired and why their booting is good for us. Just because oil execs don't always do good work, it does not mean they never do. Calm down there anti corporatist.


Happy birthday to the GROUND!


Dredge and delve are very much a nombo


..........

( •_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

Bambi.


prolly just da spam emailz. I got lik 100 massages dis morning


The hypocrisy is overwhelming. They smoke, rape, murder, you name it, but when they do it, it's okay.


isn't god so wonderful?!?!? how he works in such mysterious and loving ways?! he strikes people with down syndrome then has people like arnold make them feel good, which makes us normal people tear up and go "awwwww"!!!!! :))))


I left Hotel California.


> dat jawline

*wee-oo-wee-oo*

[.](/user/overused-meme-alert "Severity level 3/5")


"fuuuuck! no more Comic Sans! I'm out!"


Can someone from china give us live information?


Welcome back, Shitty.


I always considered the idea of walking around England with a sidearm on one of my trips, just to feel the power rush of being the *de facto* most deadly thing on the road.

Of course, with my luck that would be the day I get jumped (possibly my mouth. I'm an asshole, after all) and after killing them I'll be sitting in Scottland Yard with 10 years on my head before I can say "knife!"


Do you or a loved one have MESOTHELIOMA?

The fuck if I know what it is, but I want it now!


YOU KNOW,,,,,,,,,,,,, FOR SCIENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-)


Damn can't argue with that one.


Goo GAH MAMA I WANA Pway!!! I used to be sexually abused because I deserved it like you, but then I took an arrow to da knee! GAH GOO!!


I once **tried** telling a lady to please stop talking.  Well, I got a little nervous and said, "Please .... talking."


>Your

You must be american.


Fuck Bitches, Acquire Charizards.


I have a Playstation, dog.


That sounds remarkably Pavlovian


OP tries to use us for gaining views already. He abuses this subreddit to incite rage that will make his shit go viral.

He just doesnt get that this is *not* the right place for his whiney drama.

GTFO OP. We're here to share and discuss music, not listen to your bitching. If you have a problem, go sort it out yourself.

Were not your personal army. Go figure.


That was a Nice story.


**[SIX MILLION MYTH](http://sixmillionmyth.blogspot.com/p/six-million-myth.html)**

How many times can **exactly** 6,000,000 jews be in peril?  Let me count the ways....


I'm totally lost here. What is it that you do?


You idiot, clearly that's not humor.

PS, Try keep your swishy, pretentious, commonwealth words, like "colour" and "humour", on your side of the border.  We speak American here.


I swear to god, if you charge $8.00 for using the bathroom....


FUCK YOU YOU FAGGOT FUCKING FUCKER FAGGOT


Wow I've been waiting!!!


The dude asking the retarded question?  7 upvotes, 0 downvotes.  The dude answering the retarded question?  5 upvotes, 1 downvote.

wat


"Eat your fucking vegetables" --Abraham Lincoln


You did the right thing, again.

*****
*Shitty_Watercolour:*

*Blah blah blah, [reason why I really am a GOOD PERSON and not an "actual" spammer], blah blah, blah, [another reason why I really am a GOOD PERSON and not an "actual" spammer], blah blah blah.*
*****
BESIDE THE POINT.

BANNED.

***NOW, COME ON! TAKE MY KARMA!***


Also, jumping in front of a train for somebody won't save anybody. You'll just both be dead.


I somehow doubt that a poor, failed writer somehow *knew* that her series would turn into a media sensation that could cast top-tier actors in the movie adaptation.


My ex did something similar with my dog. Came home one day, and she had taken it to the pound already without asking. I immediately went to get her (the dog) and kicked that bitch (the ex) out. There's no faster way to end a relationship than to come between a man and his dog.


If you don't want to be part of a HOA then don't buy a house that takes part in one. It's really that simple.


Some people like surprises. I'd be thrilled if my dad had been hiding a golf course from me for all these years as a "big reveal" when he died.


i hope you find out she has cancer and dies


I actually really respect those church goers after that. That was some depressing and ironic bullshit these Feminists pulled. That was over the line and they should all go to jail for that.

You can't try to change the world for good by becoming what you hate.


Yeah, I can't stand that dopey looking mother fucker.


Exactly this. No matter how much you argue about being wronged, the one without the tattoo would think exactly the same thing. And he'd be right. It's inconsequential which one is the original. Whoever the clone is, they'll still have memories of being a free original human.


Well he was a burden to the world anyways.  We should commend him for setting us free.


I just got douche chills.


I'm a shit TF player with 180 ping, but I can lock in two gold cards as TF. It's just reaction times.


Seriously... I can't even imagine being in a relationship and being ashamed to tell guys I'm taken just because they might "lose interest". If they lose interest just because I'm taken, why the hell would I want to be friends with them anyway? They obviously made it abundantly clear what they're interested in.


Only 8 points for the pun of the week? Come on, people.


It's like we're regressing from an alphabet back to hieroglyphs.


Bullshit, if some of them killed his baby he has all the right to dismember the motherfucker alive.


I thought by 'perfection' OP meant it'd slide right under the wheel and break in half.


One of the many reasons I hate Bill Bellichick.


I hate her stupid haircut.


I don't see how this comment deserves a -27. Some people take the internet so seriously.

BTW: Downvoting this comment will accomplish a lot.


your dad put down his joints, to support your broken one.


My hero.  The perfect combination of amusment, groan-induction, and word-play.  Brava, m'lady!  Brava!


..but gloriously rehired and given a well-deserved promotion when the CEO turns out to be mama squirrel.


How about you park in a freakin' garage and don't do any of this stuff?

Or...heaven forbid...you turn your car on 15 minutes before you have to leave and (magic!) your defroster will show why it's an important part of your car.


My favourite is that you can pretty much guess the top comment correct every time after a while


NO

Edit: I have 5686 comment karma...I expect that to be in the negatives by tomorrow. Lets see what you got bitches!

Edit2: 5757, y'all aren't doing it right!


http://imgur.com/NLZyiKF

Here. This should be pretty good summary.


Most people don't look like that.

I don't watch wrestling. I also don't go to a gym. I don't know a guy that looks like that.

I mean. It looks odd to me seeing a guy that is so... Built. I don't think it's particularly attractive. I think maybe a little less muscly would be my preference.

But, yeah. Do most guys try to look like that?


It's reddit, no one has had sex with anyone.


You'll never understand, too busy making fun of us to feel better about yourselves.


Interesting idea. I honestly think that after a few thousands of years your mind would go in some kind of slumber, as centuries pass by, earth changes around you, suddenly you're part of a mountain.

And then, in the year 9132 when someone actually wakes you up and you tell a story about how you became the fresh prince of bel-air.


he tried to frame it so it seems that black people are insecure about their masculinity and have fragile egos

his source mentions nothing about that, it says that blacks are more likely to be homophobic because of their closer adherence to church.

so he got so upset at this humorous joke he had to try and spread some lies lmfao. That's pathetic af


/r/relationships is full of people that don't understand mental illness


Thanks for all the child porn access, I know you didn't put it there but it's great to get a break from actually raping children so I can watch some HD Childporn


ITS THE PERFECT PLACE TO BLOW YOUR NOSE.  Loosens everything up and instant clean.


Why not make the server for *low* ping players only, then? You'll still have an even playing field, but with a hell of a lot less lag.


And that is why dogs are a man's best friend. ...If you had a cat instead, it probably would've slept with your wife and eaten your favorite food from the fridge while you were out there.


just had enough with all these comments tbh


"Don't worry, I'm the unfucker"


The katakana sound effects should be a dead give away that the panels should be read in manga-style order.


Yeah like next week. This guy is pretty sick, he's got tons of stuff wrong with him.


Apparently having inverted nipples can [really ruin your day.](http://www.invertednipples.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/inverted-nipples3.jpg)

Here in Australia we have a name for the kind of guy who criticises a girl's tits if she has inverted nipples - **faggot**.


Beeg american tittees


what a way ti fish for karma, huh
the play isn't even yours, and it's months old already. get a hold of yourself lol


I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him...


Da Delerious Devoted Doxin....oops Corgi corgi corgi


But to redirect a river, wouldn't you need to build a dam?


many times I don't care lol.


Only because of public backlash I'm sure.  They weren't too concerned about it when editing it to push their agenda on the news.


thats not shock.  Thats basic looganism


Pull down pants, start slapping dick on keyboard shouting "so do I!"


This is why you buy a PC and get tracking software. Potatoes can't be tracked.


"If I don't freak out right now I'm going to be the coolest motherfucker on this crew forever. Also I think I shit my pants".


I didn't know this meme only applied to women.


i know there already is another one, but now that i made it im posting it. [jdsalkdkjasl](http://i.imgur.com/3HD0a.gif)


This is a LIE! Carnival games are perfectly fair. I hate that ATHEISTS such as yourself spread slanderous lies about us hardworking Christians. I'm praying for you and your disgusting, accusatory mouth. :)


only on reddit can LickMyAsshole praise Neil deGrasse Tyson.


You are quite stupid, aren't you?


The worst part? He's not even **sorry**.


http://ioj.com/v/9eaqb

http://ioj.com/v/ugbu4

>Please use /r/trees instead og b34nz's dwindling muck pit.

lolwut


To be fair...I would also ramble on to everyone if I had sex with Robin.


Sub reddit of douchebagd


Shoulda just jerked off would solve 99% of impulse buys. You're not buying anything stupid in the first hour after cumming.


If I could legitimately upvote every single one of your posts here, I totally would.


"It's like I'm wearing nothing at all" ~ Ned Flanders


Wow, I was looking for a good answer, but I came across yours.

It's a stupid and pathetic as you are.


Tell that mother fucker to close his lips when he's eating! For all of us!

It's 2015, there's no need to chomp food with your mouth agape like some sort of disconnected Amazon tribe member.


Too bad its not funny, edit, seriously someone show me a scene that is funny and isnt just manly maning ton talking about how manly he is or aziz treating himself.


Op asked about games people played, not actions and tasks done compulsively as a second and third job combined.  Hours played? Days?  You Skyrim guys are so cute.


Pictures, or it didn't happen.


He smells like a fusion of vanilla hand soap and motorcycle musk.


You think Simpsons is more relevant than South Park?

In my mind, all Simpsons blend together into one big ball of "meh." At least with South Park I can clearly remember what characters did what, what happened to who, when this happened, etc. - AND - there was never a time when South Park wasn't funny.


In that case, I make about 8" per year.


Harumph that is a **FAIL** sorry


When you're busy downloading a car, some sacrifices have to be made.


> Yes! Arc burn! Perfect after finally getting Fatebringer this weekend

Nobody cares!

Edit: I have more downvotes that any other post in this thread has upvotes. Can we reach 100?


Zlatan even bends his leg back so ensure that he doesn't make contact.


There you are, cheerleading for the double standard. Fuck you very much.

But your ignorant comment deserves an answer. I push back against Christianity and the other fear-and-death cults called religion. Whenever I manage to make someone reconsider the bullshit he believes, I indeed make the world better. Waving flowers in peoples' faces is not the only way to do this.


r/trees pretty much does this all the time anyway [0]


What a stupid fucking reply. Just think about what you said there for a second


Agreed. I stopped watching wrestling back when WCW closed down, but I remember reading that John Cena has fulfilled more "Make-a-Wish" wishes than any other person. They really understand that it's all about their fans, and without them they'd be nothing.

MMA guys are pretty fan-friendly too, but the wrestlers just take it to a whole other level.


She's 10, give her a break


Had socks with my sister.


Clicked comments just for this... downvote.


Unfortunately not. I used to play it quite a lot and find minor things to tweak, and now that I'm trying to stay out of development of it, the temptation to start "suggesting" things to Jeb is too strong.

Besides, TF2.


Did you even read the comment you just replied to?


> You could totaly fuck that

\- all of his friends.


I wasn't aware I'm being hired for 0.00$ per hour, and put through an interview for it, do I submit my CV, passport in here too?


"i'll just leave this here"


1. Wouldn't know where to start.

2. Don't want to detail anything I don't have to.

3. Watching Start Trek Voyager.


They love it.  My dad was so proud he would have given away my complete biography, complete with SSN to a journalist until I had to ask him to dial it back a little bit, haha.

Yeah, I've always found memes funny, but never, ever though I'd BECOME one. Bizarre.


You can't inject marijuana. it is a leaf. You can only smoke and snort it.


one of us

ONE OF US


There's a mailbox about a minute into the DK starting zone.

I remember having to run to Razor Hill from the Valley of Trials to clear out my mailbox.

Fuckin' Catababies crying about shit.  Goddamn.

Ninja Edit:  And why am I not at all surprised to see that you're a hunter?


My dad was an avid gardener. He used to plant/grow seeds in the attic, and then move them into the yard. He did this all to "breed a very delicate kind of flower".

At a later age I learned this was pot. Where I live that's legal, so it's not such a big deal, but I still have some pretty awesome child-pics of me playing in a yard full of weed.

tl;dr: treesome baby.


That's kind of derogatorry. You know there are kids here, right? I am one, and I don't want people like u ruining the fun for people like me. Plz don't say things such as that again. Thank u! :) :) :)
>>JESUS CHRIST IS LORD, REPENT AND GO 2 HEAVEN, IF U DONT U GO TO HELL AND BURN 3EVA!!<<


First things first, report your murder to the police


As a master of time and space, you will be downvoted to oblivion in 5, 4, 3 ,2...


What a flawless comparison.


The gaytriots traded up twice and stole Hightower from us

Edit: Wow downvote me in my own subreddit?
Seriously guys gtfo


I think a better alternative would be to have him impregnate someone after drinking it and then kill his offspring with the bottle to appease the gods


It is my business that pedos live down the street. That's everyone's business.


Yes, to the point where you forget what you were watching.


Don't dress like a prostitute = problem solved


Yeah, everyone knows you have to put it in the washing machine. smh


I fixed the ones that needed fixing.  Some were knee-jerk downvotes, I'll admit.


You're doing it right.


Yeah everyone wants to cheer for a blonde Germanic looking guy targeting an ethnic minority. Huge face move.


I was raised pescatarian but now I'm agnostic.


/r/hailcorporate subber spotted!


I was working in textiles during WWII.

I never liked segregation, I think we are all equal.  I didn't believe in segregation.  A lot of my friends were black and I liked them really well.  I had better black friends than white ones.

I think women should always have had the opportunity to vote because they're just as smart as men.  I can't understand why women were so long getting to vote.


you don't really care about the comic artist, you just want free karma.


I'll say windows because I don't know what mac is.  ok?


It's a fucking statue, deal with it. Michael Jordan was and is a real piece of shit, but he has a statue up in Chicago. People need to stop bitching and moaning about every little thing. If you don't like the statue, don't look at it.


Sorry, I'll try to stop.


Depends on your viewpoint.  If you have been paying $10,000 a year in premiums you would be inclined to think the $750 fne is very attractive, especially if you are young.  Remember, they cannot deny you if this passes.


I think you mean Soviet Canuckistan


I can imagine a group of Stalkers wearing those, and then they all blind and le hats slowly fall to the ground.

This is why we need hats in-game!


I thought Jews hated any expense.


"like a gerbil in a gay mans ass, i was in a smelly situation."


and today you learn that you were right before, they are the same person.


Fuck you for using that overused gif. You're not clever or funny.


>slit throat of her stuffed childhood bear

Fuck. That.


I saw he had his feet planted and the way he bent his knee hardly made any contact. I thought isn't wasn't a pen


Step 1: Buy Aluminum foil

Step 2: Place foil on head

Step 3: Crumple into hat

Step 4: Receive Degree from DeVry in UFOlogy

Step 5: ???

Step 6: Mental Institution


Oh, I am sorry, we are not allowed to make up what we think the other person is thinking? I was just doing it because you started it.


Guessing complete destruction of her knee ligaments.  Would take the average Joe about two years to get near normal after that.


I came here to say this...


Flip it back! I need a place to hide!


Ronaldo creates more great chances for his teammates who don't score compared to messi, messi is lucky to play with Neymar and Soarez

If you look at Ronaldo he is getting shafted by his team members very often...he should be around 30 assists compared to Messi


I lived in Africa for a year. The villagers told me I was crazy, but I insisted that living in a grass hut of my own shit was the African way.


He admitted having oral sex with his stepdaughter, and posting sexualized pictures of underage girls..  Of course, since his account was deleted, you can't see it anymore, but it still happened. - so basically my citation comes right from the shitlord's mouth.


Imaginary friend? I don't know.


Kelly Buchberger scored the first goal in the (current) Jets' franchise history.  Antropov scored the first goal after the franchise moved to Winnipeg.
There is no "new Jets franchise" - it's an old franchise that moved to a new city.


And to piggy back off of your comment: you can't totally change someone. You can help your SO accomplish their goals and dreams, but expecting to change any significant flaws in their character is foolish.

Also, realize what your own flaws are, and try to fix them.


89 upvotes and 9 downvotes... I guess I'll comment on this one


Financially? You have no idea.


It had me jackin' it while thinking of 6 year olds.


It's a diversionary tactic to help make the punchline more of a surprise.

The person reading or hearing the setup is waiting for a different outcome based on the diversionary information.


What? Are people seriosuly bothered? I made what was obviously a joke. Do I need to end everything in /s for you dumb dumbs to grasp it?


The grave and, apparently, the internet.


It's just a baby though, those things are ok to kill if you don't want them, right ?

Oh wait, that's only in the womb, it's a grave sin to kill them outside of it because that's  *such* a big distinction !


And the fact every song is the same. Starts slow and soft, slow build, crescendo, banjo explosion, end.


THAT IS TERRIBLE, DOWNVOTE FOR YOU, SI--- (reads usernane)

welllll ok. But that's still fucked, yo.

EDIT: ouch. Remind me never to mention that rape jokes are fucked on Reddit.


Spoken like a man whose dick has never encountered the inside of a zipper.


lolwut?  Is that the best you can come up with now?


If a task seems difficult, give it to a lazy man, he'll figure out an easier way to do it.


Maybe begging for attention is the wrong way to look for motivation.


That is  trick statement, Asians go straight to high school. Edit: fixed the typo, it's been a long day.


now its over 300.. its too bad i wasn't using 10 guy the right way :'(


Wow, that potato really believes in me.  I think I'll send out those resumes now.  Thanks drawing of a potato!

It's funny that with that post the subreddit is basically parodying itself.


sorry but I down voted you


Happens to the best of us.


Your solitary down vote just wasn't enough.


Two sentences in I was expecting this to end in stalking and attempted rape/murder so this wasn't the worst case scenario birthday I thought it would be...


Not me.

I see dabbing as disrespecting the plant.

If I wanted to get uncomfortably high I'd just do some hard drug like meth or heroin.

For me a large part of the experience is the action of smoking or vaping, so I like to draw it out.

Add to that, people who dab tend to be the GO HARD OR GO HOME types who see smoking weed as some kind of competition.


Jesus. You went through that family like a recessive gene.


Please don't post a comment like this ever again. You can see why 4chan hates Reddit.


Hey now, that towel remark was over the line.


Fuck you, whoever downvoted me. Final Fantasy 11 is a great game and has a great MMO structure.


OP said poor not Asian.


You didn't back out quickly enough.


I'll have a well whiskey and rc cola.


That post is from a brand new account and appears to be extremely poorly written and defensive.


If it wasn't for gravity things would be so safe


No I meant that with this latest formation controversy the refs will be extra careful in the Super Bowl. These formations aren't like pass interference or holding calls in that they're plainly obvious and rather black and white if you know the rules.


Rofl, he looks like he's representing the Lollypop Guild in that picture. It's amazing how they can use camera angles to make us forget or not know how short some celebrities are.


I would love to see a source of this '' number or rioters''

as it is clear with his ultimate and his finaly finding the beast.

ps : my source is alr up, your move.
Also, I do not know why I know all this crap I've never played rengar and in his current state he's not worth this discusion.


LOL he's like "shit I'm in a neighbourhood I better blend in!" Right when he hits the woods he gets back on all four feet again. Fuckin smooth Berry the bear, fuckin smooth.  *GOLD THANKS PAL HAHAHAH*


Shut up white boy I bet you some bill gates lookin muthafucka


I kinda get his reasoning, but his delivery sucks a donkey.


>Women tend to pick and choose what they believe and ignore facts.

FTFY


I feel your pain buddy. We weren't even poor, Mum made us drink it because it was 'healthier'. To make 'cream', she would just add more powder for the same amount of water.

Luckily we only had to suffer this torture for 2 years until Dad convinced her to start buying real milk again

Edit: word.


Lol at the downvotes, South Park is a terrible show.


WHY did you not say, "Take her home" ??  THAT would have frosted the cake.


I guess your right, sorry dad.


You know, I wont be so upset the next time I lose my money.


I just thinking if something like that was happening to me I would yell stop and think that the person sleeping upstairs would hear me?  And that If i was assulted I certianly wouldn't have been able to chill all day in that persons house the next day.


Acceptance is step one.


Sounds like you purposely segregated them so you can serve other guests before them. No wonder they were not happy.


Her body was able to morph and shit which created a flash drive*. I don't know why, my brain can only use 10% so I do not fully understand the meaning. /s


So do you vote to fire Pete Carroll, or to put a crowd sourced shock collar on him in case he makes another stupid critical decision


Is it okay to say that I don't feel they value me as an employee?  Because that is how I feel about my current job.


I can't believe people like this wretched cow's singing voice. Between her grotesque appearance and her faux-negro singing style I just can't fucking stand it. I really hope this is the last of the "We're white and want to be black" singers, white singers need to embrace their culture.


You didn't let him finish. He was going to say "didn't think he'd get caught...returning to school for his degree after making it as a published author under a *nom de plume*."

Move to dismiss the charges!


Forgive me if this is false but don't you have to chamber a round to fire it, so why was there one in the chamber already? The guy's a cop, so he should be able to chamber really fast even if there was a burglar or something


... What the *hell* is going on in this thread?!

Am I just not getting the joke? Is that what's going on?

I mean, seriously, how can you even *begin* to compare *any* of Kubrik's work to Garfield 2? The film quite literally redefined the phrase "cinematic masterpiece." Even Kubrik can't claim that.


the sheep are coming out of the woodwork huh


I did mention that I did not make my money as a word smith right? my apologies


I'm gonna hijack the top comment to ask:
How long ago was this picture taken?


I would have been like "WHO THE FUCK IS THAT" and pretended it wasn't me.


that image is clearly edited why are you defending him so much


results may vary based on location

edit: not that I don't like responses but I think we have enough regions covered by now


I'm sick of seeing all these suicide bullshit posts. If someone decides to kill themselves they clearly are not capable of being a member of society and should stop hanging around wasting space. I'm sorry if my view upsets you but that is how I feel about this.


I'm punching things right now! RAAAAAAA!!!!


I hope you aren't allowed to operate heavy machinery


They should have a spin off and make a Leader Swap show.


Like a little bitch? Nah, nabblah's dad ain't like that, he took his beating like a man and moved on.


WTF = Wow, that's fun!


> Skulle vara kul att se hur en sån här situation skulle spelas ut om de hade kameror på sig.

De vet själva att för varje sådan här situation är det tio som är tvärt om, det har mycket att förlora själva på att vara kamerabeklädda.


You have a superpower now. YOU CAN SEE OUR SOULS.


So just because I drive a lifted truck I automatically have a teeny weenie? So just because you spend 85% of your time in a coffee hipster shop your a narcissistic tree hugger right? I always hated stereo types because it keeps you from getting to know people. It's like looking at a movie poster and saying that movie is gonna suck.


In order for this to happen someone must at least partially undress, right?

How do you fight the urge to just shove them over mid-deuce (hopefully into/onto their own excrement) and run off laughing?

I don't think I could pass up that opportunity.


i wish to bathe in the blood of a thousand enemies. i'll make a bowl out of their skulls, with which i shall smoke nothing but the finest green.


Making the bald man cry is my favorite.


I used to want to ban facebook posts, but then I took an arrow too the knee!


**O L D C E P T I O N**


Alright, that's enough internet for me today. I'll show myself out.


MY MOMMY SAYD DAT DA DWUGS ARE BAD N YOU SHUD FEEL BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOO GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Was he downvoted by the malcontents resenting his prowess on the field?  By all the girls with the cellulite and far too much weight to wield?  Was it both?  Or neither?  A jilted lover?  A non-believer?

It's a tale as old as time friends, and here I tell it true.  Stick your dick in a land monster, and it'll be all they ever knew.


I don't know if you're American or not, but if you aren't you won't be completely and utterly disgusted by my question:

Wouldn't it have been easier and less lethal if he shot him anywhere else?

Note: Apparently in the US nearly everyone believes any shot fired from a gun MUST be a kill shot, and that aiming for limbs is somehow blasphemous.


He will if he's white, has a crazy theory about how to get rid of the bees, and has a love interest in the office.


What a pathetic miserable excuse for a website. These people do not deserve their squatting domains.


Most houses are built over existing natural staircases.


Luckily my wife could probably kick that guys ass. She's a Lacrosse coach for a College Lacrosse Team, and man does she not take shit from anyone. Anyways, the point is, I'm not gonna answer that question, because obviously I care about my wife before anyone else, period.


Listing masterpieces like that doesn't answer my challenge.


I used to have no idea why OP would even consider this not an insult, but then I took an arrow to the knee!


Idk man I don't think Faker can reach my level yet... Give him a few more years :^)


three years will have already been millions of dollars, better have good insurance asshole


I will mourn you. Just long enough until your wife looks fondly upon me.
EDIT: So my top comment is about funeral crashing this poor guy? Typical Reddit


Thank you captain obvious.


Dude chill. We don't think about that. As long as you aren't racist... It's okay.

edit: Wow thanks! First time I got gold. Show yourself, oh kind one.


No, if its a contraction it "its" if its possessive its "it's". He is right, you are wrong.


I like the voicemails


This AMA is fuckin worthless... am I the only one realizing this? thanks for the constant non-answers rob


The annoying comments from even more annoying suburban kids trying to speak ebonics...


Probly because you suck at fantasy


"GUYS, YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THE PHONE NUMBER I JUST GOT"


No, but it means people *care*.


Proving an older person wrong and watching them deny any proof.


First of all there is no "The Iraq" And second, if you gave maps to the children in Iraq then they would know where to find and bomb you!


Yeah, a cheap shot is clearly the last thing she needs.


Reasons tarm should be at least a limited # of if not banned.


Until you accidentally turn it weird and then the coils start going opposite directions and there's that one really weird u-shaped spot in the cord that you can't fix no matter how hard you try.


No, that TL;DR was terrible. I had absolutely no idea what the preceding text was about.


Man, the actress that plays Annie's boobs in community is smokin'


ITT: Men basically justifying statutory rape and cheering this as a victory because "she was asking for it" and "totally consented by looking over 15".


Socially awkward freshman.

Wears headphones

No music so he can hear if anyone talks about him.


If you look at the picture, it is just showing the insecurity women feel about their bodies. The women in the gonewild subreddit generally feel insecure. This is just a satirical interpretation of the way people react. There is nothing wrong with gw or the people who go there. This is just a fun picture.


That is absolutely amazing! I can't believe it! He is so happy and my daughter wants to hug you :) I decided I would read some of your comment history to see if I would trust you and since you seem to love the packers as much as we do, that was my deciding factor. I will pm you the info.


Yeah, that's rough, 28 hours to GO ACROSS THE COUNTRY, you non contributing zero.  Fuck.  You have it so good and you don't even realize.

Do you have a grandparent still alive?  If so, ask them how long that trip took when they were fresh out of school.

Fuckin spoiled people.


I hope this gets to the top.  This guy should not be called a hero like Reddit is doing.  He's an asshole.


Women honestly don't deserve the idea of "consent" seeing as how they abuse it for legal gain.


I'm quickly running out of reasons to not have grapes ass cannoned into my mouth.


me?him?him?me?me?me?him?him?me?me?


Indeed it does. With the violent and loud minority making all the ruckus, it'll be hard for the peaceful majority to make a difference.


Please see my reply to the above. And I mean no disrespect to him personally; his actions are the reprehensible part.


that's when you tell her that in reality you're just a red wizard that took a few spells of black to keep yourself versatile.


unless the owner of the car is a rich spoiled jobless brat who doesn't care if he gets ticketed because his parents will pay for it. That is why I don't help random people, you don't actually know them.

EDIT: Massive downvotes for expressing my opinion, this is why I love reddit!

EDIT2: UNLEASH THE KRAKEN! DOWNVOTE SQUAD! BRING IT ON!

EDIT3: Only -79, come on reddit you can do better.


My personal favorite joke (because I can't pass up the chance):

>Marge: "Homer, work called, they said if you don't come in Friday, don't bother coming in Monday."
>
>Homer: "Woohoo! Four day weekend!"


For using a 10 year old terminal cancer patient for PR like this?


in the front? it's in the back so you can poop without taking off your comfortable underpants.


Damn, guess you're raising a faggot.


And all the "Verb the Noun" bands


shitty because you'd actually get a free xbox?? or because some poor asshole has to contact you and sort out the order you don't actually want??

I'd hope you wouldn't really be stupid enough to pick option a.


These tips work better with a partner.


I really hope this person is not serious.


that is solid advice right there


ＨＥＹ　ＳＵＭＡＩＬ，　Ｉ’Ｍ　ＴＲＹＩＮＧ　ＴＯ　ＬＥＡＲＮ　ＴＯ　ＰＬＡＹ　ＲＩＫＩ．　Ｉ　ＪＵＳＴ　ＨＡＶＥ　Ａ　ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ　ＡＢＯＵＴ　ＴＨＥ　ＳＫＩＬＬ　ＢＵＩＬＤ：　ＳＨＯＵＬＤ　Ｉ　ＭＡＸ　ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ　ＥＧ，　ＳＭＯＫＥＳＣＲＥＥＮ　ＳＯ　ＴＨＥＹ　ＭＩＳＳ　ＭＥ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＥＧ　ＭＩＳＳ　ＹＯＵ　７０％　ＯＦ　ＴＨＥ　ＴＩＭＥ，　ＯＲ　ＰＥＲＭＡＮＥＴ　ＩＮＶＩＳＩＢＩＬＩＴＹ　ＳＯ　Ｉ　ＣＯＵＬＤ　ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＹＯＵ　ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲＥＤ　ＦＲＯＭ　ＥＧ


In your defense, you're doing a fantastic job. That plant doesn't have a single brown leaf on it.


This is the exact same logic people use to blame the victims of rape. Don't  be an asshat.


Sitting on the toilet while reading reddit isn't exercise.


Just ask Brian Williams. He was there when it happened.


HEY BRO YOU BETTER LAY OFF MY GIRLFRIEND! BRO BRO MCBROIDDY BRO-BRO YOU BETTER BRO OFF BRO

(*I've actually had a guy go off on me because I was walking through my middle school and passed a girl's locker that was on the way to my classes. I.. don't know what's wrong with these people.*)


Black dicks are gross, they look like donkey dicks. They may be big but the look is horrid.


Yes. Keep jackhammers to construction sites


I don't have a selfie, sorry


>I've come to realize how easy it is to attract girls

Go on...


Absolutely deserved, great corner but he is an arrogant shit off the field and I hope this gif is used for years to come.


"If you thought you hated running before, wait until you see what we've come up with!"


I really hope the blind guy does this AMA.


"Everyone and their mum's packing 'round here."

"Like who?"

"Farmers."

"Who else?"

"...farmers' mums."


Gagarin was dead by the time of Apollo 11. Get your facts straight.


Good it isn't a vulture, or it would be carrion luggage.


it just means you're boring probably


It's surprising how quickly one can just stop what they're doing once it's determined that they don't actually give a fuck.


Message the mods, leave, start your own /r, advertise for r/realnewyork or whatever the fuck its called; pretty much anything besides being a whiny bitch.


I've never finished a Monopoly game.


Well he shot two people in the torso, there is a fairly good chance that he could have killed them.

He wouldn't have needed to shoot them, of course, if he'd looked through the spy hole, seen three people with "hoods on and scarves around their faces" and then just not answered the door.


Would you trust me too?

Opps, you appear to have dropped your paper.

**Pick. It. Up.**


Wow. Genius. Attack me for having an opinion. **Michael cera is a shitty actor and that was a shitty movie.** Face it. deep down you know I'm right ;-).


Yeah, pretty much the only thing that was stopping me from crying right there in the park was thinking about all the karma I'd get later.


How is that training kicking in? His response wasn't even conscious.  Any animal in a herd would have the same instinctive response.


I am an Asian girl, and I can confirm this.


My dream would be... penetrating her. With my penis, yes.


And here I was, thinking I wasn't going to masturbate today...


The cop does thinks he can push around a rich person just because he is a cop. He will lose his job over this.


This statement right here is one of the most interesting things in this thread, thank you!


To be fair these people were in maximum security prisons serving many years for a reason, it doesn't make a difference to society even if it is the wrong person


>What did I ever do that stopped being good enough for you? Why don't you miss me? What changed?

This right here is the worst feeling. The self reflection. The searching for whatever personal flaw you wish you could attribute it to. Something fixable. But that would be too satisfying.


All we know is that he's called the Stig.


A week before Lincoln was assassinated, he was in Monroe, Maryland.

A week before Kennedy was assassinated, he was in Marilyn Monroe.


>soul

eh u do know taht theres **no such thing** as a sould dont you? i mean even the thought of it is fuckin retarded let me guess your also a christian who believes in creationism? :/


First time I hear of this too and I consider myself someone who follows gaming news relatively closely.


> LE EPIC. Le but what they le should really be le doing as well is reintroducing le herds of le herbivores and packs of le predators to the le grasslands south of the le Sahara. [Le here's an informative le video on le why this would le help.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vpTHi7O66pI)

LT4U.


I will always remember this.


wtf that doesn't even make sense


I've scrolled 3/4 down the page and this is the first real answer.


Fuck you you fucking whoreson piece of shit. Music in the past was still shit. I'm not a hipster cunt like you. If you must know, I listen to prog metal: people who actually dedicate themselves to playing their instruments.


He's being a dick. He's just fucking around playing Call of Duty, ignoring a whole village being slaughtered, until something worthy of his attention pops up.


22/7 is 3.1415.. Just so everyone understands.


Yeah, but you can trick God by using different words.


Oh, please. She's look like everybody else. If you don't like that hair, you don't appreciate the rest of the package.


Gotta say, that's a pretty fucking good mystic if they were able to tell you're a lesbian. I'm not even sure what sort of cold reading or whatever could conjure up "Ah, so you like licking cunt."


Yep, you're a cunt.  And don't be a little bitch by acting like your comment wasn't inflammatory and insulting.


Wow. Small world. I've done a few briefcase men. Was it on the Newcastle express?


SO stating true facts that that person has no female parts makes her NOT a woman is ignorant?  I know you all like to jump on the bandwagon and throw the word "bigot" around like its going out of style. No uterus = not a woman. Shut the fuck up.


It was definitely not fake.  My buddy noticed it first, since I slid into the back seat of the cab before him.  When he did notice, he kind of shouted "your baby is dead lady".  I looked over and saw that its eyes were open but unblinking, and the whole thing was not the right color.  All in all, rather disturbing.


No, she's not a stripper at all, when she says that he's "the father of one of her kids", she means her students.


This is actually hilarious, please tell me the radio host was laughing...


Had a group of them attack me over an OC gif I made yesterday, I think a few of them got butthurt when I proved it was OC after they were certain it wasn't. Making a Neckbeard troll look bad on the interwebz is bad for their image.


it has comments now.

EDIT: it's funny, because my comment was the 3rd one in the list.. I didn't realise I'd check back a few hours later and there would be hundreds.


is cancerous to communities, the teams he's on and a threat to those teams and their sponsorship's.

what's your point? ._.


Literally as in sitting on her?


You buy a lot of booze


Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!


edit: I was having a serious issue, sex with my girlfriend is legitimately difficult because she's tight and I'm big. I didn't realize safe sex gets downvoted on reddit, or that condoms are soluble in oil, but thanks you for informing me regardless.


That there's a nice, gentle soul who will **smash a girl's skull if she doesn't APPRECIATE HOW GODDAMN NICE AND GENTLE HE IS!**


Probably overdosed on KFC anyway


I like how you knew something was wrong because your friend handed you a present for your birthday.


You *chose* to interpret my words as sexist. I was in no way saying that females can't do it, I was merely saying that they almost always choose not to.


What would you expect from the companies who have spent decades trying to convince us our children should learn to start their day with a massive sugar high.


I had never said that a snail is a slug. Point out exactly where I had said that. Oh, you can't? Then your entire rant collapses.


He's actually taking the photo in free fall from the cliff face


Dude I think you're taking this conversation too far going through all my posts and I'm guessing you're the person who gave me 28 down votes in the last few hours. Grab beer sit down and chill. You can say I blame others and anything else you want, I know what I've experienced and know where I am and where I stand.


God, that would be the best job ever..


cause who would hit that? she's like fat, and ugly, ewwwwwww wtf


You were right. It is all a facade, we are actually British people pulling a big prank on the rest of the English. France and Spain are in on it as well.


Hi, as an engineering student with a confederate flag on my 1972 Chevy C10, I am licensed to say fuck you. Besides, what is wrong with the guys who want to work blue collar jobs? Different strokes. Our culture is different than yours, that doesn't make either culture wrong or right. Tolerance.


Seriously?  As a viewer, I'm not sold on that statistic


He's not a pedophile, he's being sarcastic. He describes his fear to have children who he doesn't know about.


If it weren't for Reddit, I wouldn't even know what "YOLO" stood for.


Pointless is more accurate. Why bother posting crap like this. Enjoy the downvote moron.


thought you were laughin in spanish for a sec


But the agenda is clear.


Actually that's just about every single Walmart in Kentucky.


Says the fattie.

I am better looking and get laid more than 99% of the asspie faggots and fat geeky bitches on this site.  I don't feel the need to prove this to you.


Why would you? You got over yourself and complied with the customers wish. You should have been promoted.


Except if you're gay... or a victim of child abuse from the Catholic church... yea real upstanding guy


Like, totally! As a woman, who has a vagina and everything, I must say I was super DUPER mad (I even pouted but I look cute when I pout so it's ok <3 xoxox ) when I saw his stupid, penis brain shenanigans!

Unicorns candy periods shopping!


Because I don't need to be told I need to be civil in my behavior. The tone of my actions bears nothing on their correctness or their truth.


I think [this guy](http://imgur.com/gWoUjyy) saw it first.


Really guys? Adventure Time is a good show, filled with well written characters and overlying story arcs and many themes. Why all the negativity?


This comes off way creepier than you probably intended.


this is the comment that should have an upvote.


... yea, more the revenue thing in Egypt's case.


There's a difference between a typo and blatant ignorance.


You nailed it.  I love her attitude


You need a hobby, one that doesn't involve being pathetic.


No, he was pushing it by hand and someone (tard outside) hit the wheelchair button, which automatically lays the doors flat, and aligns them perpendicular to the side walk. Usually there is motion sensor that stops it from happening when the thing is in use, but I guess that was not the case with this one.

I used to install these things in Seattle.


IT'S THE WITCH!  QUICK EVERYONE, DOWNVOTE HIM AND THEN TALK ABOUT HOW AWESOME YOU ARE FOR BEING BETTER THAN HIM!

Edit: You're doing it all wrong Redditors!  I'm not the witch!  I was just pointing out the mean guy so you could downvote him and then tell everyone how great you are for doing it!


And fianceeeeey is Fonzie


Yeah, I guess I could've.


i think he was just trying to blind himself.


"I am a faget" - CarlosWeiner


"This is why I joined the force!" - Bike Cop as he engaged the gang of jaywalking scum.


hahaha, what a faggot. Seriously, you're fucking gay.

What a big man you are being macho on facebook! Yeah my grandma's a hardass on the internet too.

Fag.


I think he plays a hacker or something, so I'm guessing he punches a computer or two as well.


Explain how they are taken out of context.

U cant't. Know why? Cuz u maddddd. usomad that a 20 year-old is out-smarting you. umad? yea, u mad


You took the sticker off first so you're in the clear.

Later: how the fuck is this the highest rated thing I've ever written? I've posted so much embarrassing shit that you guys can mine for laughter and sympathy, and *this* is the stupid thing you like?


Never boned a cougar. Oldest I've been with was like 24 when I was 21.

-EDIT-

Ok so... why the downvotes, reddit?

-EDIT2-

Down to -12? Fuck you too, arseholes. I enjoyed that pussy while I was inside it so it's worth all your retarded hatred.

-EDIT3-

-26? Keep it up, faggots.


im not mad, nigger, im not...


Not sure if rape...

EDIT: Oh great, this is going to be my top voted comment of all time. ಠ_ಠ

EDIT 2: [700 upvotes later...](http://i.imgur.com/83WuS.jpg)


They'll lose all credibility...Damn, sometimes I think Redditors don't spend a second considering the absurdity of what they're suggesting.


especially if it was 0.


>it because you wanted to do it and you like doing it.

I agree with your point, but this, there is no way to know that. There are millions of other plausible reasons.


Nuh uh, buddy, we get to ask the questions here.


LOL PONIES XDXDXDXD YOU'RE ALL SOOOOOO RANDOM XD XD XD XD XD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


BOOM goes the Whaleomite!


Doesn't matter, had sex


there is a famous story (well in the UK) attributted to Jason Mcateer, a football player in the 90's.

He orders a pizza and the waitress asks if he'd like it sliced into 6 or 8 pieces. He replies "6...I don't think I could manage 8'

This is told widely amongst football fans but i'm unsure if its an urban legend or not.


blow on da engien cause da nice car iz tellin u itz hot


I'm 80% sure that wasn't milk.
EDIT:I GOT GOLD!


upvote for a meme that went over your head

EDIT: I won't delete this cause you 12 year olds arn't back at school yet.


So is the Cadbury's sold in the US just a Hershey's bar in a Cadbury wrapper?