Title: Be Mine: Dealing With Possessiveness in a Relationship | Psychology Today
Headings: Be Mine: Dealing With Possessiveness in a Relationship
Lisa Firestone Ph.D.
Be Mine: Dealing With Possessiveness in a Relationship
Create a more equal and trusting relationship.

Content: When it comes to coping with feelings of jealousy or insecurity, couples can cross the line from love to possessiveness. They often intrude on each other’s boundaries and disrespect each other’s inherent independence. Think of all the secret searches through cell phones, the guilt trips when one partner goes out with friends, the outbursts when reassurance isn’t offered, or the interrogations over attractions to anyone else. There are many subtle and not-so-subtle ways people attempt to control relationship partners as a means to calm their own emotions. Yet feeling connected to someone doesn’t mean it's okay to act entitled or to exert power over them. In fact, attempts to exercise power over our partners actually serve to reduce and diminish our own attraction to them. When we try to control someone close to us, we limit them in ways that make them less themselves. We want our partners (and ourselves for that matter) to be fulfilled, well-rounded individuals who are fully alive. When we make our partner feel guilty for choosing to spend time with friends, for example, we actually shrink their world. We should always aim to grow each other’s worlds rather than restrict them.