Title: Be Mine: Dealing With Possessiveness in a Relationship | Psychology Today
Headings: Be Mine: Dealing With Possessiveness in a Relationship
Lisa Firestone Ph.D.
Be Mine: Dealing With Possessiveness in a Relationship
Create a more equal and trusting relationship.

Content: In fact, attempts to exercise power over our partners actually serve to reduce and diminish our own attraction to them. When we try to control someone close to us, we limit them in ways that make them less themselves. We want our partners (and ourselves for that matter) to be fulfilled, well-rounded individuals who are fully alive. When we make our partner feel guilty for choosing to spend time with friends, for example, we actually shrink their world. We should always aim to grow each other’s worlds rather than restrict them. Otherwise, we take the air and life out of the relationship. It’s no surprise studies have shown that jealousy and surveillance behaviors we often associate with possessiveness lead to relationship dissatisfaction and destructive behavior. So how can you stop the possessive patterns in your relationship? The first step is to understand why you engage in controlling behavior. The second step is to deal with the underlying feelings that drive you toward an unequal dynamic.