Title: Grief Psychology
Headings: Grief Psychology
Grief Psychology
Content: Our brains’ set off an alarm system when what we expect is different from what we actually experience. For example, not getting our usual feedback because someone is not there will set off an alarm reaction within us. It is there to trigger us to search for what is missing and re-establish communication. However when the outside world is different from what our brain tells us it should be like, based on its previous experience, ie a death has occurred and therefore there is a missing relationship, then the alarm reaction is futile as it cannot regain the contact and it simply continues to trigger again and again and again without the appropriate response to calm it down. Loved ones are a part of our own sense of self and therefore a gradual change of expectation within our stored memories has to come about for the signals in our brain to respond more appropriately to the new real situation presented; i.e. as a result of our life experiences, we develop a rich set of ideas about who we are, our identity. This identity is intimately connected to areas of life which have been important to us, such as close personal relationships. These ideas are highly emotionally charged and very resistant to change and very central to our individual self-esteem. They govern assumptions we make about ourselves and the safety of our personal world. Therefore when they are challenged by loss, our very identity is challenged and our capacity to plan for our own future is diminished as our internal world is no longer stable.