Title: Be Mine: Dealing With Possessiveness in a Relationship | Psychology Today
Headings: Be Mine: Dealing With Possessiveness in a Relationship
Lisa Firestone Ph.D.
Be Mine: Dealing With Possessiveness in a Relationship
Create a more equal and trusting relationship.

Content: Most of us have some degree of fear and insecurity surrounding our close relationships. These feelings can spring from deeper struggles we have with trust, low self-esteem, fears of rejection, or loss or intimacy itself. These deep-seated emotions can lead to a desire to control. Instead of exploring where these feelings come from, we tend to project them onto our partner and start acting out controlling behaviors that we hope will alleviate these painful feelings. For example, we may on some core level feel unlovable or like no one would ever choose us. This negative self-concept can lead us to act out all kinds of jealous or insecure behaviors with our partner. We may start giving them the cold shoulder in hopes they’ll show interest in our feelings. We may act victimized and wounded by any comment or action that we can construe as disregarding or rejecting. We may outright scold our partner or make rules about where they can and can’t go, what they can and can’t do. All of these behavior patterns have a lot more to do with us than our partner.