Title: Grief Isn't Something to Get Over | Psychology Today
Headings: Grief Isn't Something to Get Over
Mary C. Lamia Ph.D.
Grief Isn't Something to Get Over
The notion that one "gets over it" is a myth.

Content: But you're not going to get over it because that's impossible: You cannot erase emotional memory. Besides, it's not about achieving closure. Instead, you have to figure out what you are going to do when your emotional memories are later triggered. Emotions that have to do with loss are triggered throughout our lives. Usually, they are in the form of anniversary reactions, such as the birthday or death day of the lost loved one, or any significant holiday in which you might want to be with the person who is gone. Reminders, such as visiting a place you've been with the person you lost, will trigger a similar response. Episodes of depression or anxiety that seem to come from nowhere may have been activated by anniversary reactions or situation-matching reactions. Grief can also be triggered by an age-matching anniversary reaction, which is when a person's age matches the age of a parent or loved one when they died. The remarkable power of age-matching anniversary reactions arising from the loss of a parent in childhood was demonstrated to me when I began training as a psychologist nearly 40 years ago.