Title: Working with People Who Aren’t Self-Aware
Headings: Working with People Who Aren’t Self-Aware
Working with People Who Aren’t Self-Aware
Understanding the problem
What’s behind the tension?
Where is this person coming from?
Helping the unaware
Am I the right messenger?
Am I willing to accept the worst-case scenario?
What to do if they don’t change

Content: There are, however, three practices worth underscoring for these individuals. First, talk to them in person (our research suggests those who provide feedback via email are 33% less successful). Second, instead of bringing up their behavior out of the blue, practice strategic patience. If possible, wait until your colleague expresses feelings of frustration or dissatisfaction that (unbeknownst to them) are being caused by their unawareness. Ask if you can offer an observation in the spirit of their success and wellbeing (using the word “feedback” risks defensiveness). Third, if they agree, focus on their specific, observable behavior and how it’s limiting their success. End the conversation by reaffirming your support and asking how you can help. What to do if they don’t change
It’s easy to feel hopeless when you can’t help someone who is unaware. The good news is that although we can’t force insight on them, we can minimize their impact on us. Mindfully reframe their behavior: