Title: Be Mine: Dealing With Possessiveness in a Relationship | Psychology Today
Headings: Be Mine: Dealing With Possessiveness in a Relationship
Lisa Firestone Ph.D.
Be Mine: Dealing With Possessiveness in a Relationship
Create a more equal and trusting relationship.

Content: Otherwise, we take the air and life out of the relationship. It’s no surprise studies have shown that jealousy and surveillance behaviors we often associate with possessiveness lead to relationship dissatisfaction and destructive behavior. So how can you stop the possessive patterns in your relationship? The first step is to understand why you engage in controlling behavior. The second step is to deal with the underlying feelings that drive you toward an unequal dynamic. Most of us have some degree of fear and insecurity surrounding our close relationships. These feelings can spring from deeper struggles we have with trust, low self-esteem, fears of rejection, or loss or intimacy itself. These deep-seated emotions can lead to a desire to control. Instead of exploring where these feelings come from, we tend to project them onto our partner and start acting out controlling behaviors that we hope will alleviate these painful feelings. For example, we may on some core level feel unlovable or like no one would ever choose us.