Title: 
Headings: LOSS OF THE ASSUMPTIVE WORLD— HOW WE DEAL WITH DEATH AND LOSS*
HOW
 
WE
 
DEAL
 
WITH
 
DEATH
 
AND
 
LOSS*

JOAN
 
BEDER,
 
DSW

INTRODUCTION

THE
 
NATURE
 
OF
 
ATTACHMENTS

THE
 
ASSUMPTIVE
 
WORLD

BACK
 
TO
 
MARK
 
AND
 
RUTH

ASSUMPTIVE
 
WORLD
 
VIOLATION

HOW
 
TO
 
HELP
 
WITH
 
THE
 
RELEARNING

A
 
WORD
 
ABOUT
 
HOPE

FINAL
 
WORDS
 
ABOUT
 
MARK
 
AND
 
BARBARA

REFERENCES


Content: When
 
there
 
is
 
an
 
absence
 
of
 
an
 
attachment
 
figure
 
through
death,
 
an
 
innate
 
motivational
 
system
 
is
 
activated
 
that
 
compels
 
the
 
individual
to
 
search
 
for
 
the
 
deceased
 
and
 
do
 
everything
 
possible
 
to
 
regain
 
that
 
person’s
proximity
 
and
 
care. When
 
these
 
efforts
 
fail,
 
the
 
bereaved
 
individual
 
experiences
profound
 
sorrow
 
and
 
despair. In
 
time,
 
the
 
bereaved
 
individual
 
reorganizes
 
his
 
or
her
 
representations
 
of
 
the
 
world
 
in
 
a
 
way
 
that
 
allows
 
him
 
or
 
her
 
to
 
return
 
to
 
normal
activities
 
and
 
seek
 
out
 
or
 
renew
 
social
 
relationships
 
(Farley
 
&
 
Shaver,
 
1999). Attachment
 
theory
 
implies
 
that
 
the
 
loss
 
of
 
an
 
attachment
 
figure
 
will
 
be
 
an
important
 
and
 
deeply
 
troubling
 
event,
 
especially
 
if
 
there
 
are
 
levels
 
of
 
emotional
dependency
 
involved. Interestingly,
 
adults
 
also
 
show
 
the
 
need
 
for
 
attachment,
especially
 
when
 
they
 
are
 
under
 
stress
 
and
 
are
 
disposed
 
to
 
cling
 
to
 
one
 
another
(Kastenbaum,
 
2001; Shaver
 
&
 
Tancredy,
 
2001). Attachment
 
behavior
 
leads
 
to
the
 
development
 
of
 
affectional
 
bonds
 
(attachments)
 
at
 
first
 
between
 
child
 
and
parent
 
and
 
later
 
between
 
adult
 
and
 
adult. The
 
attachment
 
behavior
 
is
 
instinctive
and
 
it
 
creates
 
a
 
bond
 
which
 
endures. When
 
the
 
attachment
 
bond
 
is
 
endangered
by
 
threat
 
of
 
loss,
 
powerful
 
reactions
 
are
 
noted
 
(Bowlby,
 
1980; Raphael,
 
1983).