Title: 
Headings: LOSS OF THE ASSUMPTIVE WORLD— HOW WE DEAL WITH DEATH AND LOSS*
HOW
 
WE
 
DEAL
 
WITH
 
DEATH
 
AND
 
LOSS*

JOAN
 
BEDER,
 
DSW

INTRODUCTION

THE
 
NATURE
 
OF
 
ATTACHMENTS

THE
 
ASSUMPTIVE
 
WORLD

BACK
 
TO
 
MARK
 
AND
 
RUTH

ASSUMPTIVE
 
WORLD
 
VIOLATION

HOW
 
TO
 
HELP
 
WITH
 
THE
 
RELEARNING

A
 
WORD
 
ABOUT
 
HOPE

FINAL
 
WORDS
 
ABOUT
 
MARK
 
AND
 
BARBARA

REFERENCES


Content: The
 
use
 
of
 
the
 
word
 
shattering
 
has
 
particular
 
meaning
 
here,
 
as
 
loss
often
 
renders
 
incomprehensible
 
many
 
aspects
 
of
 
life. If
 
we
 
have
 
loved
 
someone,
the
 
loss
 
of
 
them
 
is
 
excruciatingly
 
painful; if
 
we
 
lose
 
someone
 
with
 
whom
 
we
 
have
had
 
a
 
conflicted
 
relationship,
 
the
 
ensuing
 
loss
 
is
 
complicated
 
by
 
ambivalent
feelings; if
 
we
 
lose
 
someone
 
with
 
whom
 
we
 
have
 
had
 
angry
 
feelings
 
and
 
the
time
 
to
 
repair
 
them
 
has
 
not
 
be
 
granted,
 
then
 
loss
 
can
 
mean
 
relief
 
and
 
guilt. Loss
 
is
 
a
 
part
 
of
 
life
 
and
 
living
 
as
 
is
 
connection
 
and
 
caring. When
 
death
 
occurs,
there
 
is
 
usually
 
a
 
complex
 
package
 
of
 
feelings
 
and
 
emotions
 
for
 
the
 
survivor(s). There
 
are
 
many
 
theorists
 
who
 
have
 
described
 
why
 
there
 
is
 
such
 
pain
 
when
there
 
is
 
a
 
death. The
 
work
 
of
 
John
 
Bowlby
 
(1980)
 
stands
 
out
 
as
 
seminal
 
in
understanding
 
the
 
nature
 
of
 
attachment
 
and
 
loss. Bowlby
 
is
 
the
 
chief
 
architect
of
 
attachment
 
theory. His
 
formulation
 
is
 
based
 
on
 
work
 
with
 
children
 
struggling
with
 
maternal
 
loss
 
and
 
subsequent
 
psychopathology
 
and
 
delinquency
 
(Shaver
 
&
Tancredy,
 
2001).