Title: Grief Isn't Something to Get Over | Psychology Today
Headings: Grief Isn't Something to Get Over
Mary C. Lamia Ph.D.
Grief Isn't Something to Get Over
The notion that one "gets over it" is a myth.

Content: Usually, they are in the form of anniversary reactions, such as the birthday or death day of the lost loved one, or any significant holiday in which you might want to be with the person who is gone. Reminders, such as visiting a place you've been with the person you lost, will trigger a similar response. Episodes of depression or anxiety that seem to come from nowhere may have been activated by anniversary reactions or situation-matching reactions. Grief can also be triggered by an age-matching anniversary reaction, which is when a person's age matches the age of a parent or loved one when they died. The remarkable power of age-matching anniversary reactions arising from the loss of a parent in childhood was demonstrated to me when I began training as a psychologist nearly 40 years ago. I had been treating a severely depressed man who, for many months, was not responsive to intensive psychotherapy or medication. Upon discovering with the patient that his depression began at a time in which his age matched his father's age of death, the depression miraculously lifted. Beneath his depression lay a myriad of fears that he would be like his father, which included dying at the same age of his father, as well as guilt that he was not like his father and could live a full life. Although he had been unaware of the age factor, his painful feelings seemed to recreate the trauma of his father's death, which was too overwhelming for him to feel when he was 10 years old. article continues after advertisement
One of the reasons that grief happens to be triggered by external reminders, such as in anniversary reactions, is because grief is an emotion that sends a vague alert to help you to remember, rather than to forget.