Title: Developing intimacy in a relationship after sexual abuse
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Content: Further difficulties are created for men by the cultural habit of mixing up sex and intimacy, where intimacy is seen and used in an instrumental way as something you do in order to obtain sex. Although sex is often an important part of a close intimate relationship and can increase feelings of intimacy, sex and intimacy are not one and the same. There can be intimacy without sex and sex without intimacy. For men who have experienced sexual violence, confusion and uncertainty around intimacy is understandable, if you consider how some people who perpetrate sexual abuse invest considerable time and effort in getting to know a child, to build trust and a sense of intimacy in order to commit sexual abuse. The person committing sexual abuse might even tell themselves that they love a child and that this is a mutual relationship. When sexual abuse involves such a profound betrayal of trust, it is not surprising that closeness in future relationships can evoke discomfort and be difficult to manage. An experience of child sexual abuse can lead to: Reluctance to trust someone or let anyone get close
Perceiving any expression of care or attention as a sign of sexual interest or precursor to sexual activity. Wariness about sharing personal information, due to the way it has been manipulated and used in the past
Uncomfortableness with gentle touch or touch without prior specific agreement. Difficulties with any sexual intimacy, due to the fact it can trigger flashbacks.