Title: Why Parents Target a Specific Child for Abuse
Headings: Why Parents Target a Specific Child for Abuse
Why Parents Target a Specific Child for Abuse
Content: An abusive parent is a person who misuses his or her power. If parenting becomes overwhelming and support systems are insufficient, there is a much higher likelihood for becoming a child abuser. Some adults are more prone to becoming abusive due to their histories, their psychological make up, and their behavioural characteristics. Biological factors also enter into the equation. An abusive parent tends to have: low self-esteem
poor impulse control
low frustration tolerance
inappropriate expression of anger
impaired parenting skills
inadequate coping skills
tendency for role reversal (i.e. child takes care of parent)
tendency to shift responsibility onto others
depression and other mental health problems
inadequate knowledge of child developmental stages
preconception that child's behaviour is stressful
anti-social behaviours (but not always)
self-expressed anger
feelings of inadequacy
feelings of incompetence
unrealistic expectations
There are a multitude of reasons a parent might target a specific child for abuse: the parent abuses alcohol, drugs or other substances
post-partum depression
a history of child abuse in their own childhood
a history in their own childhood of inappropriate teachings of discipline for specific wrongdoings
social isolation
poor coping skills
a hatred of one gender over another
belief that a boy should be raised differently, in some cases, with more brutality and physically inappropriate discipline than a girl
the child is viewed as "difficult" or "won't listen" or "different"
hyperactive or inactive
fussy
difficult to feed
abnormal sleep patterns
excessive crying
difficult temperament
unresponsive to parents' efforts
child is seen as "unattractive" and/or "flawed" in a physical way, such as with disability or disfigurement
too passive
too strong-willed
failure to attach (bond) with the child
adopted
adolescents
the child is viewed as an adversary (a mother might see her daughter as competition for her husband's attention; a father might see in his daughter a trait he dislikes in his wife and view her as an enemy)
the child is viewed as being "spoiled" by the other parent – in these cases, the abusive parent justifies the maltreatment of that child as "making up" for the perceived lack of discipline imposed on that child
the parent dislikes certain personality traits and quirks that the child exhibits, especially if these traits are seen as mimicking someone the parent is either suspicious of or has a particular aversion to (an estranged or abusive spouse, for example)
the parent dislikes the fact that the child resembles in looks, someone the parent feels loathing toward (a spouse who has been unfaithful, for example)
the parent is jealous of the child's looks, mannerisms, character, ability to get attention, etc., then subsequently punishes the child for those perceived "misdeeds"
the child was a product of infidelity, incest, sexual assault, or an otherwise unwanted pregnancy
the pregnancy or delivery was difficult
child was born during period of extreme stress and crises
disappointment that the boy-child wasn't a girl, or the girl-child wasn't a boy
child is seen as "abnormal"
born significantly premature
small for gestational age
congenital problems
autistic
born with a disability or disfigurement
acute or chronic illnesses
It is important to note here that the above reasons and examples in no way provide an excuse for parents to abuse a child. They clearly denote mental health issues that must be addressed.