Title: Parenting: Expectations of Success: Benefit or Burden | Psychology Today
Headings: Parenting: Expectations of Success: Benefit or Burden
Jim Taylor Ph.D.
Parenting: Expectations of Success: Benefit or Burden
Do your expectations help or hurt your child?

Content: Our family expects you to give your best effort" or "Our family expects you to make your studies a priority." These expectations are worthwhile whether someone is striving to be a scientist, teacher, professional athlete, writer, musician, spouse, or parent. Regardless of the abilities they inherited from you or with whom they might be compared, children have the capacity to use effort expectations and the tools associated with them to be the best they can be in whatever area they choose to pursue. Effort expectations should be established in collaboration with your children. This cooperative approach ensures that your children have ownership of the expectations rather than feeling that you have forced the expectations on them. You can talk to your children about the value of effort, how it will help them achieve their goals, and that they have complete control over their effort. You can share examples with your children of how notable people used the skills associated with effort to become successful. Most important, you want to help them make the connection between their efforts and success. If your children meet your effort expectations, they will, in all likelihood, perform well, achieve some level of success (how successful they become will depend on what abilities they were born with), and gain satisfaction in their efforts. They will also reap the benefits of your approval, good grades, and improved performance in other achievement activities.