Title: Improving Self-Esteem | Skills You Need
Headings: Improving Self-Esteem
Improving Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is often the result of a lifetime of experiences, and particularly what happened to us as children. However, it is possible to improve your self-esteem at any age. This page provides more information about self-esteem, and some actions that you can take to improve it.
Understanding Self-Esteem
Some people think of self-esteem as their inner voice (or self-dialogue) – the voice that tells you whether you are good enough to do or achieve something.
Self-esteem is actually about how we value ourselves, and our perceptions about who we are and what we are capable of.
Self-esteem is not about ability
Self-esteem is often not associated with either your own ability, or other people’s perceptions of you.
A lack of self-esteem can therefore influence how people behave, not to mention what they achieve in their lives.
Why Do People Experience Low Self-Esteem?
There are many reasons why someone might have low self-esteem. However, it often starts in childhood, perhaps with a feeling that you were unable to live up to expectations. It can also be the result of adult experiences such as a difficult relationship, either personal or at work.
Self-esteem, domestic violence and abuse
Nobody should have to suffer from abuse or violence.
Improving Your Self-Esteem
There are a number of ways in which you can improve your self-esteem.
1. Identify and Challenge Your Negative Beliefs
The first step is to identify, and then challenge, your negative beliefs about yourself.
2. Identify the Positive About Yourself
In general, positive internal dialogue is a big part of improving your self-esteem.
3. Build Positive Relationships—and Avoid Negative Ones
If there are people who make you feel bad about yourself, try to avoid them.
4. Give Yourself a Break
You don’t have to be perfect every hour of every day. You don’t even have to feel good about yourself all the time.
The key is not to be too hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself, and not too critical.
5. Become More Assertive and Learn to Say No
People with low self-esteem often find it hard to stand up for themselves or say no to others.
6. Improve Your Physical Health
It is much easier to feel good about ourselves when we are fit and healthy.
However, people with low self-esteem often neglect themselves, because they do not feel that they ‘deserve’ to be looked after.
7. Take On Challenges
People with low self-esteem often avoid challenging and difficult situations.
This challenges your negative beliefs and will therefore improve your self-esteem.
Further Reading from Skills You Need
The Skills You Need Guide to Personal Development
The Importance of Small Steps
It is very unlikely that you will go from poor to good self-esteem overnight.

Content: Identify and Challenge Your Negative Beliefs
The first step is to identify, and then challenge, your negative beliefs about yourself. Notice your thoughts about yourself. For example, you might find yourself thinking ‘ I’m not clever enough to do that’ or ‘ I have no friends’. When you do, look for evidence that contradicts those statements. Write down both statement and evidence, and keep looking back at it to remind yourself that your negative beliefs about yourself are not true. 2. Identify the Positive About Yourself
It is also a good idea to write down positive things about yourself, such as being good at a sport, or nice things that people have said about you. When you start to feel low, look back at these things, and remind yourself that there is plenty of good about you. In general, positive internal dialogue is a big part of improving your self-esteem. If you catch yourself saying things like ‘ I’m not good enough ’ or ‘ I’m a failure ’, you can start to turn things around by saying ‘ I can beat this ’ and ‘ I can become more confident by viewing myself in a more positive way ’.