Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience
[{'review_meta': 'Reviewed in the United States on December 2, 2021', 'review_star': 'a-icon a-icon-star a-star-2 review-rating', 'review_body': '"Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience" is giftable and physically substantial. The book is weighty; the thick, glossy pages are photo book quality. My copy even smelled sweet. Like all Brene Brown books, throughout it, you\'ll find many passages and memorable lines worth pondering because Brene Brown has a remarkable gift for turning a phrase. The cartoon illustrating how not to "tap out" during a difficult conversation is helpful. (It is exactly what you\'d find in a college-level Interpersonal Communication text book.)\n\nThe reason for my 2-star review is that "Atlas of the Heart" fails to provide the guidance about "meaningful connection" that it promises. Essentially, the book is premised on the belief that ordinary people, non-researchers, don\'t know how to name their emotions, nor do they know how to recognize them. And so, the book is filled with short instruction on 87 emotions. Each instruction begins with Brene Brown\'s definition of a term. It is followed by something along the lines of "You THINK you know what X is. What I have learned is Y."\n\nYou THINK you know what disappointment is, or grief, or gratitude, or belonging or surprise or curiosity. But no. You don\'t. So here is the correct definition, and here is the correct way to think about your experience. And this "Atlas" will provide the guidance you need. The reason to read it: "With an adverturous heart and the right maps, we can travel anywhere and never fear losing ourselves. Even when we don\'t know where we are."\n\nFundamentally, the book is saying, You don\'t have to go out and be in the world with other people to learn about any of this, you merely read the book and believe that Brene Brown and her research team is correct. And then your learning is done. This is a problem with all self-improvement books, but "Atlas of the Heart" is especially egregious because the promise is that the book will help you connect with others more meaningfully. It does not deliver on that promise. There is almost zero proof in the book that anyone who used Brene Brown\'s definitions of the emotions and her instruction changed their lives in any meaningful way. Often Brene Brown concludes a passage with "This is how I want to live." After five best sellers, she\'s still searching and searching for the right formula. If you belong to the "Always Seaching" tribe and want a book that will help you make a long aspirational list of how you want to live, then this book might be for you. But if you aspire to do more than read books and make aspirational lists, consider investing your time and money elsewhere.\n\nThe central problem with this book is that Brene Brown makes EVERYTHING in life so hard when it is not always that hard. For example, about curiosity she writes "Choosing to be curious is choosing to be vulnerable because it requires us to surrender to uncertainty. We have to ask questions, admit to not knowing, risk being told that we shouldn\'t be asking, and sometimes, make discoveries that lead to discomfort."\n\nIn certain contexts, she\'s right. In certain contexts, like going up against a powerful person or group who benefits from the truth being obscured, then, yes, curiosity is a risk and your questions and discoveries will threaten the status quo. For sure, you will be vulnerable to criticism and you will probably experience scapegoating. Curiosity is very threatening to people in power who want things to remain the same. When you are curious about things that people in power and authority are doing, you ought to expect discomfort. You ought to anticipate and weigh the risk.\n\nBut to define the experience of "curiosity" the way Brene Brown does is to ignore three quarters of the human experience in which curiosity is a function of a healthy human mind. Curiosity is NOT "choosing to be vulnerable." It is exercising a natural human ability that has led to the most beautiful music, painting, sculpture, architecture, theatre, dance and design. A better message would be: Do the very opposite of "surrendering" to uncertainty. Go be curious with a group of people who have each other\'s backs.\n\nThe number of times words like "surrender" is used is hugely problematic. It is the recipe for even more vulnerabilty. It increases the demand for more books by Elizabeth Gilbert, Brene Brown and other advice-givers. Our problem in our culture is how rarely anyone advises us "Go do X with a group of people who have each other\'s backs."\n\n"Atlas of the Heart" is dangerous because it claims to provide "the Language of Human Experience." It offers a view of human experience as Brene Brown experienced it -- as a child who grew up with alcoholism, projection, excesses, and hurt after hurt. Tenuous friendships ended because her family relocated so many times. No one had her back until she married her awesome husband Steve. Brene Brown believes that this experience of life is what the experience of human life is for everyone. Everything is hard. Writing the book was so hard. Living up to expectations is so hard. Curiosity is so hard.\n\nIsn\'t it time to point out that not everything in life leads potentially to discomfort or to hurt? Not everything requires this much thinking, analyzing, researching, sorting, coding, defining, puzzling, introspection or self-disclosure. Not everything leads to so much potential exposure and vulnerability. Again and again.\n\nWhen are we ever going to learn that a balanced and happy life can not be found in some kind of written "Atlas" (filled with academic research and an experts\' definitions) that depicts life as endlessly difficult but then magically leads to a better life and more meaningful connection?\n\nReaders already know what disappointment is, or grief, or gratitude, or belonging or surprise. This book is helpful in that it adds depth to our ways of perceiving and understanding our experiences, and it will improve readers\' ability to discern one type of experience from another, but the amount of hype surrounding this book obscures a much more important message. The person you need in your life is not Brene Brown. The person you need is the person who has your back, and you have theirs. Find that person (or ideally persons) and make your own map of the world together.\n\nSurprisingly, this is exactly what Brene Brown did. What is remarkably different about "Atlas of the Heart" as compared to Brene Brown\'s five best-sellers is not the look and feel of this book. What is remarkably different is that for the very first time ever she openly acknowledges from the start the people who helped her and had her back.\n\nIn the past, Brene Brown presented herself as the lone researcher, holed up alone coding the data, and then alone on the stage facing criticism. Her husband Steve and her therapist Diane were the only ones named as people who were there for her consistently. Yet, in this book, on page xxvi, she includes a photo of the nine therapists who helped her identify the set of emotions most important to be able to name. She then acknowledges Dr. Ronda Dearing and writes "I couldn\'t have done this work without her." In the past, this would have appeared in the "Acknowledgements" section. By moving this information about her process up front, Brene Brown is suggesting the recipe for a better life. With the right people, our lives are better, our work is better, things turn out to be, as she puts it "an amazing experience!" So it took her a long, long time to learn how to find the people to take the journey with.\n\nThe one take-away from the book that is truly helpful is that whatever work we are doing (including the work of parenting) is less hard and is more amazing when we\'re with people we can trust and can turn to. I hope that in the interviews and the promotion for the book Brene Brown will shift the discourse from what she ~alone~ did to write the book and what she ~alone~ hopes that the book will achieve to what she and her colleagues did to write the book and what they together hope the book will achieve.\n\nThere is an important message for the 21st century suggested in the book: With an adverturous heart and ~the right people~ we can travel anywhere and experience less hurt, less uncertainty, less risk, less shame, less distress, and more meaningful connection. In the ideal world, this "Atlas of the Heart" would be the last self-improvement book anyone would purchase. First order of priorities: do what Brene Brown did and find your people. Have each other\'s backs. Then go out and experience life as it can be: amazing.\n\nAfter five best sellers, after searching and searching for the right formula, Brene Brown finally found it. It wasn\'t what her publisher contracted her to write about. It didn\'t fit the self-improvement-by-reading paradigm. Good for her for putting it up front instead of in the "Acknowledgements." We don\'t need more granularity around our emotions, more distinguishable pieces around our emotions. We need each other.'}, {'review_meta': 'Reviewed in the United States on December 28, 2021', 'review_star': 'a-icon a-icon-star a-star-2 review-rating', 'review_body': 'I love Brene Brown and I respect her research. But I used to be a brain on a stick. If I read this book three years ago, I would have soaked it up and declared that I needed to put more language around my feelings. I would have forced myself into using more words for emotions. But that\'s exactly the opposite of what I needed.\n\nTo really embody my emotions, I needed to drop the language. I needed the terms "open" versus "closed" to start. I needed a trained facilitator to point out that I was tensing up when I didn\'t realize it. I needed tacit knowledge, not more words. More words only kept me up in my brain.\n\nSo while I respect what this book is trying to do and understand it may help others, if you already over-intellectualize things like I do - skip this book. Go DO the somatic / embodied work instead of reading more about it.'}, {'review_meta': 'Reviewed in the United States on November 30, 2021', 'review_star': 'a-icon a-icon-star a-star-5 review-rating', 'review_body': 'Brené Brown has been one of the most important teachers in my life, so I’m biased in this review. Her books have taught me about myself and helped me traverse the daily struggles of being human. Her podcasts have introduced me other teachers that have helped me too. She has been my gateway to studying about and hopefully becoming a better human, and for that I will always be grateful to her. Her books are always a resource I go back to when I need them. Her books give me the language to help me understand my hard feelings and experiences. I’ve passed on this knowledge to the students in my class and have seen how this knowledge helps children as well. So, I’ve been excitedly anticipating this book, since it was announced. I am not disappointed.\n\nThis is a beautiful book and exceeded my expectations. The first thing I noticed was the size, it’s a little wider than her other books. Then I was excited because it’s in color. The layout and design of each page was thoughtful. The addition of pictures and diagrams add meaning and tone to the emotions, strategies, and research being shared.\n\nI appreciate the set-up of table of contents. Each chapter is listed with a title Places We Go … followed by the experiences and emotions that will be discussed. This gives you the ability to choose your own adventure. You can read it in order or go to where you need some knowledge. It also helps with rereading and making your way back to something you want to be reminded of. 87 emotions and experiences are a lot, and they’re written concisely so you can spend a small amount of time reading and still walk away with some new learning. Lastly, the Cultivating Meaningful Connection section at the end of the book is a useful and actionable guide to using Brené’s research to improve how you interact with yourself and others.\n\nThis book is like a textbook for being human and a resource that I plan to come back to. It is written in Brené’s authentic, comforting voice. As I read it, I hear her voice in my head like we are in conversation. I did wish that some parts were expanded, but this is a manageable useful book the way it is. Also, what I’ve learned about Brené is that this book does not end her research or conversation on these topics. They will come up on her podcasts, her research will continue, and the learning will never stop.'}, {'review_meta': 'Reviewed in the United States on December 2, 2021', 'review_star': 'a-icon a-icon-star a-star-1 review-rating', 'review_body': 'I had heard that Brene said on an Oprah podcast that this book makes the point that we should no longer try to recognize emotion in other people.\nIndeed in the book she says that she and other researchers have said thousands of times "We need to understand emotion so we can recognize it in ourselves and others." but now she says "I no longer believe that we can recognize emotion in other people, regardless of how well we understand human emotion and experience or how much language we have." (pages 263-264 on Kindle).\nSince she is a self-proclaimed researcher, I assumed she would show research backing up this claim that goes against a huge body of work that is contrary to this last statement. She presents NO RESEARCH AT ALL. She is basically implying that empathy doesn\'t work and can\'t be learned. She only uses a very simplistic, flawed argument that "Too many emotions and experiences present the exact same way" and "How we express what we\'re feeling and experiencing can be unique as we are." Of course, these last two statements are true but she is making an entirely different point. She is making a "straw man" argument against not first understanding the situation.\nI\'ve never heard anyone say you should try to name another person\'s emotions before understanding the situation. That is just common sense. She uses an example of a wealthy white woman trying to name the emotions of a minority single mother who is crying on the job. Obviously in this situation a person wouldn\'t start naming emotions without first understanding the situation and might not name emotions at all because she just met this single mother.\nBrene misses entirely that when a loved one is experiencing a flood of emotions, the more primitive parts of their brain are in-control and the last thing they want is a series of "how does that make you feel?" questions. They need people who "get them" to help them process these emotions. Also, when a person successfully helps us unpack our "sadness" into the true, underlying emotions such as "worry and frustration", we build a bond with that person. The bond is often more important than the specific situation.\nI would respectfully call for Brene to show the evidence backing up her claim.'}, {'review_meta': 'Reviewed in the United States on December 4, 2021', 'review_star': 'a-icon a-icon-star a-star-1 review-rating', 'review_body': 'One of the best parts of Brené’s books is that it’s critical for you to take a deep breath and get comfortable with vulnerability every time you open it. Every time. Because you know that in her words you will check gifted with an insight that will inspire you deeply and change you for the better. But that’s not what you’ll find here. And that’s okay. In the book it discusses the relationship between disappointment and expectations… And that’s what needs to be recalibrated here. What we’ve come to expect from Brené and what we get here don’t line up. And it’s more than fair to be disappointed with this book when it lacks the depth and inspiration and ghe genius of Brené that we all crave!\nTo be fair, I can’t say that this book won’t help me as a handy reference guide, a glossary of sorts, for developing emotional intelligence; and I appreciate that! Yet, in the same way that you tell a child that is capable of excellence that you’re disappointed in them when they not only when you know they half-***ed it, but that they betrayed themselves in the process of settling for mediocrity, this is no different… I look forward to putting this disappointment behind me and, with love, relegating it to my coffee table! Here’s to second chances Brené, go get ‘em!'}, {'review_meta': 'Reviewed in the United States on December 1, 2021', 'review_star': 'a-icon a-icon-star a-star-4 review-rating', 'review_body': 'A brief briefing for Brené Brown fans who may want to purchase it:\n\n- This is a “giftable” book. It’s heavy and published beautifully with glossy illustrations and oversized pop-out quotes here and there. It will make you look deep and interesting if you left it on your coffee table. . . 😉\n\n-It is unlike her previous books which discuss the research of shame, vulnerability, courage, leadership, etc. It is much, much broader… almost like a primer on the human experience, but reduced to long-ish bullet points.\n\n- I bought it for the title. Yep! But while the book covers a lot of things regarding “the human experience”— it doesn’t cover any one thing in depth. This would be like a 100 level class on “How to Be Human”. Good… great even (!) for some people. But it is hardly enough, and especially for those of us who’ve been studying this stuff for years and want more substance.\n\n-It could be great for those who struggle to identify the meaning behind big emotions or psychological constructs. E.g. “What even IS empathy?” Some people aren’t used to giving language to their internal experience… this could help.\n\n-Personally, I’m not prepared to give a comprehensive endorsement of everything in the book or everything Brown says.* But fans of her will definitely enjoy having this in their collection.\n\n*To be fair, I probably wouldn’t endorse ANY psychology, counseling, or relationship expert in toto. And I’m a therapist. Life is too complex for anyone to have ALL the answers.'}, {'review_meta': 'Reviewed in the United States on December 1, 2021', 'review_star': 'a-icon a-icon-star a-star-5 review-rating', 'review_body': 'A dictionary of emotions, full of personal stories, research, graphics and anecdotes that is engaging and informative. As a therapist, this book has helped broaden my understanding and language around emotions, which will help me both personally and professionally. Many of the emotions we recognize and discuss are just the tip of the iceberg and this book helps you discover what’s under the surface.'}, {'review_meta': 'Reviewed in the United States on December 19, 2021', 'review_star': 'a-icon a-icon-star a-star-1 review-rating', 'review_body': 'Written from a big Brene Brown fan, I normally love her work from her Ted talks, podcasts, and other transformational books especially Daring Greatly. I was so excited and then quickly disappointed by this book. It lacks all the depth, heart, insight and vulnerability from her previous work. It’s a catalog of 87 emotions but barely scratches the surface of any single emotion. It was a book about emotions but sadly was devoid of emotion in a strange way…felt like a simplistic encyclopedia of emotion rather than taking us on a deeper emotional journey. Sorry Brene!…maybe was too much to write a book during the pandemic.'}, {'review_meta': 'Reviewed in the United States on December 16, 2021', 'review_star': 'a-icon a-icon-star a-star-1 review-rating', 'review_body': 'The fact that Brene Brown admits to “celebrating” the death of others who don’t have the same beliefs as her is enough for me to chunk this one in the trash. I’m done with her.\n\nWords do matter, indeed Brene. The fact that you would celebrate, not just self righteous indignation, or superiority but CELEBRATE. Yeah, you have no business guiding or mapping or leading anyone to their heart.'}, {'review_meta': 'Reviewed in the United States on January 11, 2022', 'review_star': 'a-icon a-icon-star a-star-5 review-rating', 'review_body': 'This book is being lumped into a growing list of self-help literature, where it doesn\'t belong. Atlas of the Heart is a compilation of a bunch of research on emotions put together in a beautiful, presentable way. This information could be written as an article for a peer reviewed journal and many social scientists/practitioners would benefit from its findings. Unfortunately that stuff can be boring and much less accessible, and people don\'t naturally enjoy reading peer review scientific journals... I find Atlas of the Heart to be much more engaging.\n\nIf you\'re reading this book expecting direct instruction on how to improve your life, you\'re missing the worth. Brené Brown is a professional researcher, not an author of self-help books. In her research she\'s found that we are missing a huge piece in our ability to be vulnerable, and that is our emotional articulation. As a therapist I can attest to this; when I ask someone to express how a situation made them feel, most people really struggle to find the words.\n\nIn her introduction page xxi Brené says "imagine if you had a shooting pain in your left shoulder that was so severe it actually took your breath away. The pain kept you from working, sleeping, and fully engaging in your life. When you finally arrive at the doctor\'s office and she asks what\'s going on, there\'s suddenly tape over your mouth and your hands are tied behind your back. You try yelling through the tape and freeing your hands so you can point to your shoulder, but there\'s no use. You\'re just there- inches and minutes from help and possible relief- but you can\'t communicate or explain the pain. I would imagine in that situation most of us would either fall to the floor in despair or fling ourselves around the room with uncontrollable rage. This is not that different from what can happen to us when we are unable to articulate our emotions. We feel hopeless or feel a destructive level of anger."\n\nThis book helps untie your hands and remove the tape, it does not promise to be the doctor with prescriptions. Read this book to gain the words to communicate your pain, and open a pathway to more vulnerable connections with others (and yourself). It\'s one piece to the puzzle, but the puzzle will never be complete without it.'}]