Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark trying to save paper
Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy some clothes
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose
Hes such a mean old man
Such a mean old man
His sister Shirley works in a shop
She never stops, shes a go-getter
Takes him out to look at the Queen
Its the only place that hes ever been
Always shouts out something obscene
Such a dirty old man
Dirty old man 
Mean Mr. Mustard
Such a dirty, dirty
Mean Mr. Mustard
Such a dirty, dirty
Mean Mr. Mustard
Oh yeah brother, come here
Ill grip your—grip your thigh
Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark trying to save paper 
Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy some clothes
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose
Hes such a mean old man
Such a mean old man