They sounded good at the pitch meeting!
00:00We're almost in a sort of revivalist period for horror movies.
00:04We have been since, like, 2016, at least in terms of box office performance and major
00:09But it's not all plain sailing just yet.
00:12There are still plenty of times that we've got our hopes up looking at something that
00:15has great potential, only to head out to see it and find that it's just a flaming garbage
00:21It's always good advice to expect the worst, so whatever happens, you won't be disappointed.
00:25Especially when it comes to being a fan of horror movies.
00:27I'm Amy from WhatCulture, and here are 9 Promising Horror Movies That Totally Sucked.
00:34The Veil Coming from the director that brought us State
00:36of Grace and Heaven's Prisoners, and starring Jessica Alba in the cast for some reason,
00:41if nothing else, we thought that The Veil could be quite fun.
00:44It could maybe be one of the horrors that you watch once in an evening, you have a nice,
00:47easy, fun time, and then you just never think about it again.
00:50Disappointingly, though, the film would provide no such light enjoyment.
00:54The Veil, in fact, was so disappointing that Blumhouse let it slip out unnoticed on DVD.
00:59The film takes place 25 years after a mass suicide at the Heaven's Veil cult.
01:03The sole survivor of the incident returns to the site with a camera crew, who discover
01:07videotapes dating back to 1985.
01:10So at its core, it's another horror movie about watching people watch tapes, and that's
01:14about as interesting as it sounds.
01:16But cults are usually interesting, they give you lots to work with, especially with their
01:22However, the film's cult head Jim Jacobs, I wonder who that's based on, doesn't
01:26live up to his potential.
01:27In fact, it's difficult to take the guy seriously when the person he reminds you of
01:30most is Val Kilmer in True Romance.
01:33Eccentric rather than frightening, he's one of several missteps the film makes with
01:37what should have been an easy premise to deliver on.
01:408. The Darkness
01:42You wouldn't expect Greg McLean, who also made Wolf Creek, to take the reins on a PG-13
01:48And sure enough, the critics wondered if he was phoning this one in.
01:52Originally titled 6 Miranda Drive, The Darkness stars Kevin Bacon and Rowda Mitchell as a
01:57couple who return home from a Grand Canyon vacation to find their lives invaded by a
02:03That'll cause you so much stress, you may as well just go back on holiday straight after.
02:07Needless to say, the film was incredibly disappointing.
02:09One critic called the movie, pretty much, a total bust.
02:12Apparently, it isn't scary, it isn't exciting, and it plods along at such a snail's pace
02:17that, even though it clocks in at just over 90 minutes, it plays like it runs at least
02:23The cast is good, and McLean does what he can with the material, as it's his first
02:27film that he didn't write himself.
02:29But the results are thin and predictable at best, and an absolute waste of your time at
02:357. Knock Knock
02:36Knock Knock promises a great deal.
02:38It's a remake of a 70s home invasion thriller directed by Eli Roth and starring Keanu Reeves.
02:44But despite the men's name value, Lionsgate still sent the movie out to On Demand.
02:49One reason for that might be that it's neither your typical Roth movie, nor your typical
02:54The film does occasionally get nasty, but it's nothing compared to what we usually
02:58expect from Roths, stuff like Hostel or The Green Inferno.
03:01The biggest problem is Keanu himself, who simply doesn't register as a happily married
03:06businessman being tortured by two girls whilst his wife and daughter are away.
03:09I know that's a very specific thing to fit, but you'll just have to take my word for
03:14Keanu is a great actor, and he's had plenty of iconic roles, but this one just wasn't
03:19In Knock Knock, he's perfectly game as a family man, but you can't help but think
03:23he's being stifled.
03:246. The Lazarus Effect
03:26Coming out in 2015, The Lazarus Effect opened to a decent box office and pleasant reviews,
03:32paving the way for us to get quite excited for what we thought could be a good movie.
03:36Unfortunately, though, as quickly as the movie sets itself up, it also goes off the rails,
03:40and it never quite recovers.
03:42The problem is that the film thinks it's a modern Frankenstein, but even by the standards
03:46of PG-13 horror, it's pretty creaky and pedestrian.
03:50Like we've seen a million times before, the movie sees a team of researchers find
03:54a way to bring the dead back to life.
03:56As is always the case, they've only done it on animals, and they've never done it
04:00So, if you were to guess the plot point that comes next is that one of them accidentally
04:04dies and has to be brought back to life, and they're probably a romantic interest of
04:07some kind, you'd be right.
04:09The lead researcher's girlfriend dies in an accident, and then when they revive her,
04:13she returns as some sort of monster.
04:15It's nothing new, it's not particularly scary, and honestly, it just blends into a sea of
04:24Arnold Schwarzenegger in a zombie movie, you say?
04:27Sign us up!
04:28I bet it's loaded with action, explosions, and a bit where Arnie shoots his zombie wife
04:33and delivers a really cool line.
04:36Oh, my bad.
04:38Unfortunately, Maggie features none of this.
04:40Instead, it consists of Arnie moping around whilst his daughter slowly succumbs to infection
04:44after being bitten.
04:45It's kind of like a zombie movie for people who don't enjoy zombie movies, but not in
04:49a good way.
04:50Back in the 90s, Arnie was being mooted as a possible lead in the long-gestating remake
04:54of I Am Legend, and if he'd done that movie instead of End of Days, then he would have
04:58been taking on zombies with machine guns, a very different approach from the version
05:02that eventually starred Will Smith.
05:04Maggie's lack of firepower turns out to be a bad idea, because if ever a movie needed
05:08endless sequences of the Austrian Oak mowing down hordes of flesh-eaters, it's this one.
05:16It's yet another found-footage offering from Blumhouse, and by now you know the drill.
05:20Dull characters run around screaming, the jump scares are routine, and a sense of déjà
05:25vu hangs over the whole movie.
05:27In 1993, a student dies in a hanging stunt gone wrong during the production of a play
05:31called The Gallows.
05:33Twenty years later, the school attempts to put on the play again to mark the anniversary
05:36of the accident... for some reason, as if that's even remotely tasteful.
05:40So yeah, if you've seen any horror movie ever before, you know that nothing can go wrong
05:46It's led by the usual bunch of annoying, interchangeable teens who document everything with cameras,
05:51including the sudden arrival of a barely-glimpsed assailant who wields a noose.
05:55There's some funny goings-on, we're talking bizarre telephone calls, assaults by an unseen
06:01But the movie never really cranks it up to full-on terror, or delivers a particularly
06:06Looking at the trailer, we may have expected better, but at that point, is that just our
06:14Eli Roth's 2002 original is a wild and crazy homage to 70s exploitation cinema, whose narrative
06:20often seemed to go off in several directions at once, packing in horror, comedy, splatter,
06:26In the right hands, a remake could really be something.
06:29Alas, Cabin Fever 2016 not only failed to bring anything new to the party, but it's
06:34so flat and dispiriting that you'll be convinced you're watching a cheap knock-off of The
06:39Characters you couldn't care less about wander through a narrative that's been nipped and
06:42tucked beyond belief, and in the process, the filmmakers have somehow excised whatever
06:47charm the original possessed.
06:49Despite working from the same script, with enough changes to make it contemporary, of
06:52course, the filmmakers have made a movie whose soullessness will numb the unprepared viewer.
06:57Cabin Fever is a classic, and it was such a shame to see it be done so dirty.
07:03The kind of dour movie that might just put you off Stephen King adaptations for life,
07:07Cell reunites John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson, but it's a definite step down from their
07:12last collaboration in 1408.
07:14The plot is typical King, when a mysterious cell phone signal transforms the users into
07:18bloodthirsty creatures, a group of survivors band together in New England, and eventually
07:22encounter a villain known as the Raggedy Man.
07:25Unfortunately, neither actor looks at home in this movie, which, by the way, plays out
07:29like standard-issue cable fare before falling apart altogether in the final 20 minutes.
07:34And if that doesn't sound bad enough, be aware that the director is Todd Williams,
07:38the man who brought us Paranormal Activity 2.
07:41Taking itself seriously at every turn, Cell lets its plot unfold without any irony or
07:47Eli Roth was reportedly in the running to direct, but dropped out due to creative differences,
07:51and it's not difficult to see why.
07:53If ever a movie could have used his sense of deranged fun, it's this one.
08:00Blair Witch comes from the Paranormal Activity school of sequels.
08:03It takes all the gimmicks from the first film, adds a new cast, and pretends it's a new
08:08It's a sign of just how desperate the movie is that its lead character is Heather's
08:11brother, who, after 20 years, has decided to go back to the woods to look for her.
08:15Some newly-discovered found footage gives him hope, making you wonder how closely he
08:20actually bothered to watch the first film.
08:22Come to think of it, if this movie is set in a world where the events portrayed in the
08:25first movie really happened, then where does that leave The Book of Shadows?
08:29Did the filmmakers want to plan a follow-up to that as well, where even more people go
08:33back into the woods for no reason?
08:35Blair Witch is essentially the 2016 remix version of the original, full of characters
08:40that run away screaming, what was that?
08:42Or stand around calling each other's names.
08:44It can't properly call itself a sequel because it follows pretty much the exact same plot,
08:49and shares its actual ending with the original.
08:51Our new cast eventually discover the house from the first film, and I think you can guess
08:55what happens next.
08:57It's just lazy.
08:58And with that, we've reached the end of this list of 9 Promising Horror Movies That
09:04There are so many more out there that we could have put on this list, so let us know what
09:07you would have included in the comments down below.
09:10And remember to check out WhatCulture.com for more lists and articles like this every
09:14As always, I've been Amy from WhatCulture, and I'll catch you next time.