anon if you're genuine i suggest reading the gospel of john in kjv and really focus on the words of jesus, his love and compassion, his sacrifice, and that he is embodiment of god's love for all his children, yourself very much included once i understood that jesus is love, he is god's love, and that he is always there because he loves you more than you can imagine, then the entire thing of christianity and the bible started making perfect sense to me there was a point as an agnostic that i just started talking to god like my best friend, with no expectation that he was listening or even real for that matter - but i kept telling him everything, how i wanted to die and felt meaningless, empty, lost - and eventually i felt him listening, and i felt the love and peace which only comes from knowing god anyway i don't know everything but jesus said "seek and ye shall find" and i believe it with my entire heart and soul
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