i've been in a few fights and i don't like to kill bugs unless necessary. don't think not randomly killing things is necessarily a sign of weakness. mostly its just about actually living life and getting into a little trouble. most people are over-socialized so they feel guilty for stupid shit. if you are lucky, you had good parents but cool brothers or cousins who made you smoke and drink when you were 13. also just accepting you are a human and can do dumb shit and it doesn't make you a bad person to act on those impulses. obviously that doesn't make me some barbarian savage, but i have zero insecurity about my masculinity like you seem to have.
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