jay baby, we all know you're hurting but alienating yourself further and further with behaviour like this is just making it worse. i know you like to tell yourself that leaning into it and backing yourself is the right thing to do, but this isn't always the case, sometimes you need to find the emotional maturity to admit that the road you're on is the wrong one and it leads nowhere useful. honestly, you should get a rescue cat or something, one of the older ones that's content just to lay about in the sun traps
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