you will never be a real christian. you have no apostolic succesion, you have no sacraments, you have no tradition. you are a heretic twisted by bad philosophy and private interpretation into a crude mockery of the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic faith. all the blessings you get are two-faced and half-hearted. behind your back people mock you. the saints are disgusted and ashamed of you, your friends laugh at your false theology behind closed doors. true christians are utterly repulsed by you. thousands of years of sacred tradition have allowed the faithful to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. even main line protestant churches that pass look unadorned and profane to the faithful. your missing bible books are a dead giveaway. and even if you manage to get a drunk convert to services with you, hell turn tail and bolt the second he gets an earful of contemporary christian rock. you will never have the beatific vision. you wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself its going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the heresy creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight. eventually itll be too much to bear  your heresy will fade away just like gnosticism, arianism, manichism and the rest. historians will find your false teachings, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable lies of protestantism. theyll file them under the name of the founder of your particular heresy, luther, calvin, or henry viii (not jesus christ!), and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know it was just a passing fad. your heresy will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is anethma. this is your fate. this is what you chose. there is no turning back (unless you convert to catholicism.)
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