christopher columbus drove his diesel truck up onto the beach of hispaniola. "damn i love being white" he said, punching a native child as he climbed out. "i don't think this is china" said his navigator; "shut up libtard" came the reply from behind a veil of cigar smoke. "please sir" said the taino chief, "these are our ancestral lands where we have lived in an entirely peaceful utopia for thousands of years. we don't even know what war is." "sounds like woke nonsense to me" guffawed columbus, his very presence introducing microplastics into the ecosystem as he cracked a miller high life. "this is maga country now, boy" he proclaimed before shooting the chief with an unregistered ar-15. the other natives scattered in terror, sheltering their nonbinary tribe members from the bullets and slurs that now ripped through the treeline. "kek" said columbus, loading another 30-round assault magazine. 'this is based. wait until 4chan hears about this."
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