they force fed an iranian woman nothing but beans for the past three months, and shoved a cork up her ass to keep it all in. she's now the size of a house and ready to burst at any moment. the iranian air force is going to drop her from a bomber right into the middle of tel-aviv, and once she hits the ground, there will be no survivors from the blast. it's all going to be broadcasted live on espn with a live studio audience. i'm not a conspiracy theorist or anything, but my anonymous source (former security for obama, and former navy seal) told me all about it. he lives behind a 7/11.
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