i continue thinking that i fucked up in earlier in my life and that i should have not worried about divorce rape and just had kids. i am thinking about suicide more and more each day. it doesnt help that the blue boards on here are constantly telling me to kill myself everytime i try to do anything that might make someone else happy or joyful. i have no debt, am worth 7 figures in liquidable assets, but i grew up poor and have constantly worked loaner jobs. i have no frens and i am constantly in fear that western civilization is going to collapse. the woman who i love has had difficulty getting pregnant even with ivf. i am scared that we will be the last generation to have experienced freedom and witnessing normies obeying pandemic protocols really broke me. i am think that i was wrong about things for a significant portion of my life and i am worried that ill eventually succumb to temptation and end it all..  i sometimes wish id had never found this place, but im here forever.
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