because there really isn't any point in continuing to struggle in a game you've hopelessly behind in. the average 15 year old has more romantic experiences than i do so why would any woman want to be with an inexperienced loser like me? i don't even mean some shit like skills at sex etc, just the general inexperience of being in a relationship. the whole concept of sharing my life with someone else is increasingly alien to me because i've been living alone for over a third of my life at this point. plus, i find holding on to hope for things to improve to be more painful than just accepting the hopelessness and despair of my situation. every time i've allowed myself to develop feelings and grab onto the hope that maybe this time things will work out, i've been met with disapointment and pain, and i am just tired of going trough that shit again. i fucking hate the feeling of having a crush on someone because in my experience those emotions will never get reciprocated
Finland