> march 2021. boom. nyt leaks the investigation. suddenly, my name is all over the news. allegations of sex with a minor? gotta be kidding me.  > go on tucker carlson to tell my side of the story. its a shakedown! i say. dads been wired up by the fbi, trying to catch some guy extorting $25 million from us to make the charges disappear.  > tucker looks like he regrets inviting me. not ideal.  > meanwhile, the guy allegedly behind the extortiondavid mcgeedenies everything. says were making it all up. but dads got the texts.  > fbi doesnt release the tapes. doj keeps quiet. im left out here flailing like an inflatable tube man.  > investigation drags on. meanwhile, joel greenbergs guilty plea hits. the feds throw the book at him: 33 counts, 11 years. the medias like, is gaetz next? im out here playing defense like its the super bowl.  > october 2022. doj finally closes the case. no charges. why? turns out joels underage girlfriend had a *real* florida state id saying she was of age. classic joel move, faking ids for minors.  > cant prosecute me if i didnt know. victory. except my reputations shredded, and every snake in dc smells blood.  > then comes 2023. i help boot mccarthy as speaker. big power play. feel like a boss. except mccarthys crew doesnt forget. theyre plotting revenge like a soap opera villain.  > fall 2024. house gop ousts me from committees. my political careers on life support. but hey, at least i didnt go to jail.  > take the l, move on? nah. still got some fight in me. florida man never goes quietly.  > lessons learned? always check id. dont trust joel greenberg. and never, ever underestimate the swamp.
Mexico