i agree, it fucking devastated me but it also forced me to accept that life goes on no matter what. my first death was my grandpa when i was 13, i was close with him. after he died, nothing even felt real, i walked around in a daze for weeks. all i could think about was how i wished i could go back and spend more time with him and let him know how much i loved him.  now i'm one of the people in my family who has to act as an anchor when other relatives are losing it over a death. i held my own sobbing mother up because her knees buckled in grief after my sister died. my role in life has changed, nothing stays the same. i just hope i don't start losing it once i reach middle age
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