also my current perspective is that there isn't any greatly satisfying philosophical answer here. reality for human beings is aesthetic and pleasure based. hedonism is, to an extent, what impells us and dictates the perceived quality of our own lives. that's why most fall flat when looking elsewhere for non existent, abstract meaning. the only sensible conclusion from that line of thinking is to healthily maximise the utility, satisfaction, fulfilment, whatever you want to call it, in your life. i'd suggest working on your appearance as this decided how others treat and view you. which for social animals is pretty much the pinnacle of life satisfaction: to be treated well by the others. do it and you'll forget about the rest. gl.
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