refer to    i wish i could, i really do. i respect religion and wish i could partake, but i feel like an outsider because what i truly believe is that when i die there will be some sort of nothing. this is terrifying in and of itself, but more terrifying still is hell. this complicates my relationship with religion (i.e. christianity) because i want to believe, yet i can't in my heart of hearts, and always fear that i will burn in hell for this, and end up just hoping that there is the lesser evil; which is a nothing.       > stop trying. open your mind and soul to jesus christ and the rest will take care of itself i grew up a christian. i've heard and witnessed this sort of rhetoric all my life, but i have never felt a thing. i want to feel something. i've opened myself up all my life to this, but over time i've grown numb because i've recieved nothing and eventually i am convinced that i am just playing pretend.
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