i did it literally once, alone, when i was 18 after my first big breakup, expecting it to open my eyes to the beauty of the world, cure my autism, connect me to god or whatever. stuck a tab under my tongue and felt nothing for hours, got frustrated and had the second one too. couple hours later had the most intense existential dread i have ever experienced and genuinely believed i had irreversibly fucked everything up forever and would never be the same. long story short i also concluded that i was the only being that existed i.e i was god and everything else was born from my mind. so much so that for weeks or months afterwards i was in severe psychosis and felt i knew everything that people were going to say before they said it, noticing patterns in everything etc, life felt like a cruel joke. i believed i had to die but that suicide would be some kind of sin that would send me straight to hell so i had to simply keep very still and will myself to die, thus escaping the matrix type reality that i was trapped in, or wake up from some kind of deep coma. in many ways i guess i never was the same
United Kingdom