> after 15 months of calorie counting, clean eating, ignoring the new grimace shake and goo-filled skittles because it would ruin your macros, exercising every day, mewing, reading about dating, practising voice intonation into the mirror every morning, reading about the stoics, epicureans, and other nihilist "nothing ever matters so bee yourself" philosophy, and rationalising away the black pill, you finally gain the courage to talk to your cute coworker (at the deadline you set yourself), after a summer having failed to get a single match on any online dating app (though you know that's not "real life") > you go on your break and walk to the lunch counter, like a normal person, then double back and go to your coworker, almost on autopilot at this point, in a way that feels very out of body and mechanical > you see that becky's not within earshot of anyone else and you feel partial relief, even though alpha tenet #24601 says that you shouldn't care what other people think > you: h-hi becky. how are y-you doing...?? > becky: (in that fake enthusiastic way, as if she's talking to a customer) hi anon, what is it? > becky's totally mechanical smile triggers a surge of hopium that you can feel at the top of your head and fingers > you: are you free to go out at some time this weekend? > you say this maybe slightly too abruptly and there's a short pause > on the surface, becky's face hasn't changed, but you can see every muscle in her face is straining to maintain a relatively neutral expression > her eyes show an atavistic terror > becky: uh, sorry anon, i have to visit my sick aunt this friday and i'll be staying with her... > you: oh, ok... (you're unsure whether to pursue the matter or not). thanks. > you immediately turn and walk away, your face totally red, speed walking to the bathroom, where you panic for the rest of your lunch break in the stall and then, thankfully, don't see becky for the rest of the day
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