call denmark and say greenland is ours one way or another, you have 4 hours to accept my offer of $100b for it or i take it by force. call whoever pretends hes in charge in greenland and tell them (regardless of whats happened) that denmark has agreed to sell them for $80b and obliviously congratulate them on being the latest territory of the united states.  send an expeditionary force and the secretary of state to draft their state constitution.
United States