i have no qualifications of any kind. i have never worked except for doing exciting/dangerous things but even that was only for a few years out of my life. im cozy as flipping flip.  get singular or get farmed. be well bred and pure and have handsome facial features, a willingness to physically fight for honour and an exceptionally powerful mind in the top 1% of human capacity. then get lucky. my problem is i am cursed and i am constantly very unlucky too as though the universe resents me. i have a theory that just like if you toss a coin 100 times you almost always get 50 heads & 50 tails you get a certain amount of luck, say 50 luck points. if you use this on amazeballs things (tossing heads) then the rest of the time all day every day you are dogged by low key jinxed misfortune (throwing tails).  to put it in perspective one time i was about to die, exhausted in the sea during a volcanic eruption, raining black shit from the sky the tide had gone whacko and the waves were huge. i was done. wiped out and my time had come and i knew i would in a few moments be dead. i put my feet down believing the rest of me was about to follow them into the abyss never to be found and stood up. in the sea. there is a pinnacle of rock stands about 12 feet above the water, a needle an inch or two wide at the top. nothing else on that miles & miles long coast just this needle of rock. it was right underneath my foot about 5 feet down. long story short, sea turtles, i made it to shore (obviously i survived). but if i put a cup of tea down it falls off the table. itll go in my trainers, my only pair not in the wash and itll be five minutes before i have to go out and do a non optional errand. every time i go through a door theres a good chance ill snag my newest favourite clothing on the handle and tear it. i get on the wrong train one time, just once, and its the one time ive been drinking and fall asleep and wake up in aberdeen instead of manchester. get gud.
United Kingdom