as the other anon said... stop with the childish bullshit of hopes and dreams. man up and see coldly what you have in front of you.  create time controlled but relatively easy to achieve goals. as in this month i will achieve this. this year i will achieve this. in the next five years i intend to achieve that. and then go get it.  stop comiserating and feeling sorry for yourself. it is what it is. take care of your health. your youth is gone but at 40 you still have a decade or two before real old age sets in, take hold of those years. work out. get healthy. rejuvenate yourself. many men get in their best shape in the 35 - 45 years bracket, including gay celebrities. you will never make friends as you did when you were a child or a youth, but just talk to people normally and try to surround yourself with good well intended people. not really friends but reliable acquaintances. don't permit yourself to become isolated. try to get in touch with former friends who have no kids or something (and thus have time to spare), you probably face the same issues and want the same shit. mannage your health and your exercise and sleep to harvest energy. unironically. you must do these even into advanced old age. or you're fucked. it's just about the mentality of wanting shit and getting it instead of slobbing away and being a loser. you can always make money, no matter how little, then it's just a matter of mannaging. and so what your savings went away? it's not like you have children or something... who cares? you're not supposed to be rich, you're supposed to just scrap by like a real man.  the emptiness is only getting to get bigger though. until you meet it in death.
Portugal